White light flickered all around as the pain intensified. What was going on and why could she hear strangled screams, as the entire world seemed to go black around her. The pain exploding from her chest was one she had never imagined she would feel; then just like that everything was gone as she struggled to open her eyes. Images flashed through her mind as the screaming only continued and what sounded like claps of thunder continued to sound around her. She tried in vein to move, to do anything but just watched as the faces of people she didn't know continued to run through her mind, as if a slide show were being played. Then just like that everything stopped, the sounds ceased to exist and she could feel the cold creep into her body. What was going on? She'd only come here, wherever here was, because her friend had been in trouble. But for the life of her she couldn't remember the friend and exactly why they'd been in trouble, everything was passing as if warp speed and she couldn't understand anything. Then everything went black and she knew nothing else.

“It's been over a month, there's got to be a change in her condition,” a female voice broken with emotion, “you can't give up on her, she's in there somewhere!”

“I'm sorry Ms. Accord, but your friend is showing no visible signs of recovery. We managed to remove both bullets from her body but there was extensive internal damage. The blood loss was substantial and could've compromised her system. There's no way we can even determine if between the time your friend was found in the ally way and the time of the incident that she even had blood pumping to her brain. We've done everything we can for her but the longer she stays in a coma, the worst the chances are that she'll ever regain conscious,” Dr. Malone said with a heavy heart. The life of such a young person was hanging in the balance and nobody knew exactly how she'd ended up in the middle of a gang war. Shay McKenna had been beaten so badly that she was nearly unrecognizable and the bullets that had been logged within her chest and abdomen had caused an extreme amount of internal damage that had only just been repaired. Things had looked bad from the beginning and it was a miracle the woman had made it through the first four surgeries. On top of the surgeries it appeared she'd received several blows to the head and had resulted in the comatose state she now appeared in, “if anything changes we will be sure to phone you, Ashdonabee. I suggest you get some rest, if she does wake up she'll need all the support she can get.”

With that the doctor left the room, leaving the raven-haired woman sitting in a chair beside her friend's bed, hands clasped tightly together. The tears never stopped falling as she took in the fiery redhead who looked deathly pale. How was she going to say goodbye to her best friend? She wasn't ready for this but it was only a matter of time before the idea that Shay be moved to the terminal care wing was suggested. Was Ashdonabee going to be strong enough to do that? Because really there was no one else to do it, as Shay never talked about her family and often hinted that she knew nothing about them or if they were even still alive.

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Taking a deep breath as she entered the hospital like she did every morning, flowers in hand. She was going to see her best friend, the one person who no matter what she could depend on. The one person who had helped her put the pieces of her life back together after her divorce. She couldn't imagine a life without her at all. She stepped off the elevator and headed towards the room she could find in her sleep at this point. Guilt ripped through her as it did every time, it was her fault that Shay was here, laying unconscious and unresponsive to anything. No one could convince her otherwise in the matter, not even the police or investigators who had been by numerous times to talk to her. She had asked Shay to come get her, her ex-husband had been standing outside her work, waiting for her to leave and she didn't know what to do. "If only I had been a stronger person", she whispered standing in the door to the room, "I wouldn’t have called".

Making her way to the bed she set the flowers on the night table and leaned down kissing her friends forehead, "Morning Shay, just so you know you aren't missing much on the outside world, it's raining so hard out there", sitting down in the chair she had strategically placed beside her bed. Reaching over she took the lifeless hand and massaged it softly, "you know you should really wake up, I have no one to argue with anymore, well okay that's not the only reason I want you awake."

She just sat there starring at her friend, her chest rising and falling from the breathing tube. The doctor had told her to continue talking to Shay; maybe hearing someone was waiting would snap her out of it. That had been six weeks ago and nothing had changed, not even an eye flutter. She squeezed her hand, "if you hear me Shay just squeeze my hand, let me know you're coming back to me.”

She let her tears fall slowly, letting them run down her cheeks. She wanted her friend back, she wanted the people who did this to her lined up and shot. She was angry, and annoyed and pissed off at so many things in the world. Her whole being was exhausted, her body sore from sitting for hours on end in the same chair, but in her mind she had nowhere else to be. Her sister was laying in that bed and she planned on taking care of everything and anything she needed. Sighing as she watched the nurse come in to check her vitals. She gave up asking for changes a long time ago, because it all disappointed her to no end. The nurses would tell her if there was a change. She watched her draw a sample of blood before starting in with blood pressure, temperature and her heart rate.

"Seems her temperature is lowering, that's a good sign" the nurse smiled at her, marking everything on the chart before walking out of the room, patting her shoulder gently as she did.

"Well Shay, seems we can cross one thing off your list now" as she took out a day planner and quickly noted down the time and the change in her friend. There were more empty squares then not but at the same time, each little thing, no matter how small gave her hope. She settled back into the chair, preparing for her stay like she had every other day. Leaning her head back she closed her eyes and took a deep breath her hand resting under the others in case she felt a movement. Every day she had the same routine over and over again, right now it was time to relax and maybe she would fall into a soft sleep.

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"Have you gotten any leads yet on suspects?" she questioned the officer as she shouldered her phone and went about tidying up her friends room, tossing out old flowers and rearranging cards, letting out a sigh, "I guess it's just a waiting game right? Nothing showed up on the surveillance videos from all the places around? Oh okay..." hearing that they were just trying to identify the faces, "no there hasn't been any change, though her vitals are slowly improving every day. I'm just hopeful things will turn around. Thank you officer, I will keep you posted, and please call me when you know anything at all."

She moved to take her seat in the chair again beside her bed, just watching her friend lay there was killing her; was taking every ounce of energy she had right out of her body. Feeling her phone vibrate in her lap she jumped slightly before answering it, “Hello Ash speaking”.

“Hey, it’s Brian, we just got in town and I wanted to know if we could get together and discuss those songs you sent me a few months ago.”

Groaning as she tilted her head back slightly, “Shit Brian, I totally forgot I sent those things to you. I’ve just been so busy taking care of Shay that it all slipped my mind” as she ran a hand through her dark hair, standing to pacing the room, “I don’t really know when would be a good time, how long are you guys here for?”

“For a couple weeks, what’s wrong with Shay anyway? It was like you two dropped off the face of the earth, none of us have heard from you,” came a muffled reply before she heard someone in the background start asking questions.

“It would be better to tell you in person then over the phone, I just don’t know when I can meet you. Suggest a time, preferably in the evening and we’ll go from there,” came her soft reply, as she turned her gaze to her friend. She nodded as he mentioned tomorrow night, “Yah that would work, I can meet you in the hotel bar or something if that works for you, just email me over where you are staying and I’ll make sure to make it there.” She nodded her head a few times before closing her phone and letting out a sigh, “Well seems work waits for no woman huh Shay? The guys are in town, I’m going to go meet them tomorrow and talk about our music, see where it goes from there. I wish you were coming with me girl, you always were the best at talking the business end.”

'Where am I?' Shay McKenna thought to herself squinting at the blinding light that was present in front of her. She seemed paralysed by fear, unable to move or even speak. Raging voices keep playing over and over in her heads. Somebody was shouting for her to shut the fuck up that this was all her fault. She'd been the one who'd meddled one to many times in his life and she was now going to pay the price.

“First you tell her that I'm no good for her to marry, that she could do so much better. Then at the wedding you stand there in your bridesmaid dress and try talking her out of the marriage. What the fuck gave you the right to be my judge, jury and executioner? You think you're so much better than me, but who fucking wants you. Even the people you work for try running away from you,” the bulky blond in front of her screamed, “nobody could ever fucking want you in their life because you're too pathetic to even give a second glance. Why do you think your precious best friend stays around you? She feels like she has to because you're such a pathetic reject that you can't even find a guy who will put up with you. And don't even think for one second that buddy boy that you've been lusting over for almost ten years knows you’re alive. If it weren't for the fact that you worked as assistance to them you never would've made it in this business. You would’ve been up on that stripper pole trying to get men off who would probably rather throw their guts up then see you naked.”

The man advanced and she cowered back from him for just a mere second before realizing that she didn't need to take shit from the loser drug dealer that stood in front of her. He was, after all a low life who had ruined her best friend's life for more years than she cared to count. It wasn't her fault that he was fucked up and couldn't treat people right; and it certainly wasn't her fault that her friend had wised up and divorced this fucker's ass.

“Seriously, are we into a petty insulting match? Grow the fuck up and leave my fuckin' friends alone. I put up with you for too long and watched while you fucked my best friend over six ways to Sunday. Now that she's gotten away I will not let you fuckin' meddle in another friend's life. He's just starting to get his life on track you will not fuckin' sell him drugs or lure him into your sorted life style. Really? Could you possibly hide the gang connections any poorly, I know you were stupid but gangs? You could get really fucked up, but what do I care? I don't have to stare at your ugly face any longer than I have to,” she countered and turned to walk away, “and if I even so much as fuckin' see you go near her again, or any of my friends for that matter, do not think I will hesitate to do everything that is possible to keep you out of our lives.”

“Don't you fuckin' walk away from me bitch! I'm not done with you yet!” the man said grabbing a hold of Shay's auburn hair and dragged her back towards him, “when I'm done with you, nobody will fuckin' recognize you, but really who cares not like anybody ever wanted to look at you. Nobody's going to miss your sorry ass once I get rid of you.”

“Get rid of me? You don't have the balls to touch a single part of me...you forget I am the one who has kicked your ass on more than one occ....” she trailed off when she felt the barrel of the gun pushing into her back and fear suddenly took over. There was no way she was fast enough to get that gun away from him before he pulled the trigger. The man had finally gone off the deep end and she'd only aggravated the situation to the point things were sure to turn out badly.

“Not so fuckin' lippy now are we?” he said shoving her roughly into the brick wall. She felt his hand before she even had time to react or stop it, the force of the blow caused her head to bounce roughly off the wall and she say stars. Holding up her arms in defence, she received the blows the man angrily inflicted until all she saw was blood clouding her vision. She heard more voices coming towards the ally way and could only make out the words, “this the bitch you needed fucked up?” after that all she felt were the boots, the fists that impaled themselves on her body as the pain intensified and was all she knew. Trying one last time to defend herself against the beating she opened her eyes to aim a kick towards her attacker only to lock eyes with one of the people that she'd been trying to protect. The brown eyes showed shock, but mostly showed the fact that the man was too wasted to even know what was going on.

With one last ounce of energy she had left she lunged towards the man with the gun and shouted “RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” That’s when the thunder started and the blinding pain confused her entire being. She felt herself grow cold and knew it was the end.

“RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” the red head in the hospital bed screamed and tried jumping from her laying position in bed only to scream in agony as the burning started in her body, the feeling of being ripped apart as tears slide down her face. She panicked and continued screaming, screaming for the bastards to leave her alone. It was only when she opened her eyes that she realized she was in a hospital room and a nurse was rushing to her side with a needle. Without thinking the red head pushed the woman away, batting the needle out of her hand and prepared to defend herself. Until she heard a voice say a familiar name. The voice was just the distracted needed for the other nurses waiting in the wings to restrain the woman, as the original nurse administered the needle that quickly calmed the woman down. It wasn't until the medication started to work that she got a chance to look around the room, then down at herself. The hospital gown she wore was slowly showing blood, it was then the woman cried and couldn't stop the painful wails that escaped her mouth. She didn't even realize that somebody was now holding her body close to theirs.

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Ash sighed as she walked into the hotel bar, she was exhausted, and she was sure that it showed on her face. That past while was draining, heck it would be draining on anyone, but most times she didn’t care about anything else, she just cared that she was there for her friend. Shay had always been there for her, through thick and thin, and this time she was making sure she did everything that she could to make sure her friend pulled through. It was hard; she would be the first to admit it, especially with the Doctors not holding out much hope at all. It was the stress of knowing that she might have to make a hard decision at any point that killed her on the inside. Tore her apart in every way possible. She quickly ran her hand through her hair as she glanced around the room, trying to find the guys. Sighing, as she didn’t spot them, she moved to sit at the bar, resting her portfolio in front of her and smiling as the bartender moved towards her, “I’ll just have a mineral water please,” tapping her nails on the bar. She glanced at them and sighed, she was in desperate need of a manicure. Most of her nails had been chewed and bitten from the countless hours in the hospital sitting beside a bed waiting. Just waiting, that’s all she ever did.

She ran a hand over her face as the bartender put her drink in front of her, lifting it to her lips she took a sip just as someone tapped her on the shoulder, startling her slightly as she turned and came face to face with a pair of blue eyes that were dancing with amusement. “Jesus Christ Nick, do you have to give me a heart attack?”

“Well it was on my list of things to do today,” he grinned before turning her on the chair and wrapping his arms around her giving her a tight hug.

She relished the warmth of the hug, it was something so simple and so normal, but she was sure he didn’t realize how much that simple gesture meant to her. She closed her eyes and just rested her head on his shoulder, holding on tighter then she probably should have but she couldn’t help herself.

“Save some of that for the rest of us,” Howie teased as he walked in behind Nick, followed close behind by Brian and AJ.

She laughed as she let Nick go and slid of the chair and went to give them each a hug, holding on tightly, “it’s so good to see you guys.”

“It’s good to see you too,” Brian, replied, “shall we go take a seat and relax?”

“Let’s do that,” as she turned to grab her stuff and her drink. Turning back towards them as they walked towards a table, “so how is everything going with you guys? It feels like ages since I’ve talked to any of you.” The tension in Brian’s face wasn’t lost on her, and she slowly glanced around at them all as they took a seat, “okay, so before we get down to business, want to tell me what is going on here?” taking a moment to look at AJ, knowing that his past was all a tense moment with the rest of the guys.

“Hey no need to look at me, I’ve been a good boy, thank you. Been straight and narrow since my last stint in rehab, which I can promise you.”

“Good, so what’s going on here?” as she lifted her glass taking another sip.

“You mean you haven’t heard?” Brian questioned as he leaned back unravelling the scarf from around his neck as he looked at her, “I figured that someone would have called you, or Kevin would have at least, seeing as how you two were always close friends”

“I haven’t really talked to Kevin since Mason was born, he was so absorbed in raising his son that we sort of just drifted apart,” leaving out the part about her controlling ex-husband who wouldn’t let her talk to any other man. It was hard enough for her to work, and was glad that most times that she didn’t have to have meetings and let Shay do most of that, it saved her more times then she had body parts to count on. She shook her head slightly pushing out the images of her past life and trying to keep herself focused on the present and even her future, which at this point seem extremely bleak without her best friend by her side.

Howie nodded as the waitress put down water in front of them, he waved at her motioning that they would be fine for now, “well I guess you didn’t know that Kristen was sick for a very long time. She passed away about two months ago.”

She let her eyes open in shock, “What? And none of you called me to tell me?” as she looked back and forth between each of them. Kevin had been the one person that she talked to about her life, the one other than Shay that had known about her ex-husband. She felt her heart beat faster in her chest; she couldn’t even image what he was going through, “how is he?”

“He’s doing okay, I mean they were expecting it, but who is ever really ready for something like that to happen,” Brian replied as he sucked on his bottom lip slowly, “he’s with us actually, him and Mason, he needed to get away for a while, and I figured, well we all did, that it would be better for him to be with his brothers so we could you know help him through everything.”

Nodding her head at him, “that is a good idea, you guys have been with each other for so long, and it only makes sense that you there for him now. Is he joining us or are we just here for business right now?” She would really like to see the other man, she wanted to hold him in her arms and wish all his pain away from him.

“He said he would be joining us in a bit, he’s just waiting for Mason to wake up from his nap so he can drop him off with Leigh,” Howie replied as he watched her carefully, “why isn’t Shay with you? You two are always together, the unstoppable duo.”

“I was wondering the same thing,” Nick chimed in.

“Well that’s a long story,” sighing as he cell phone went off, she grabbed it quickly off the table, seeing the number of the Doctor jumping at her, “I have to take this guys, give me a second…” as she got up and walked away a little, “Ash speaking… yes…what sort of changes? No I can be there in ten minutes; yes…I know I’ll be there.” Ending the call she moved back towards the table and grabbed her bag, “guys I really hate to do this, but I need to get back to the hospital, there have been changes in Shay’s condition.”

“Whoa, hold up, Shays condition?” AJ questioned as he stood up slowly and watched her, “what’s going on here Ash?”

“I don’t have time to explain, I’ll call you guys tonight okay? We can meet up then,” and before they could object she was out of the bar and out of the hotel, taking off in a sprint towards her car, “fuck Shay hold on until I get there, please for the love of God.”

Ash ran past the nurse’s desk and towards her friend’s room, she had heard the scream when she got off the elevator and her feet weren’t taking her there fast enough. She rounded the corner and into the room, throwing her stuff into a random chair as she watched her friend push the nurse away, she moved to the other side of the bed and reached to hold her arm down, “Shay,” she called out loudly trying to get her attention. Watching as the red head turned towards her, “it’s okay, you’re safe now,” as her hand moved to sooth her hair just as the nurse gave her the needle, “just lay back and relax okay?” as she moved her upper body with her friend resting her back against the pillow as she did.

Once she was sure that her friend was relaxed and had fallen back asleep, she looked towards the Doctor, “when did she wake up? How long as it been since you noticed her condition change?” rattling of the questions so fast, her heart was pounding against her chest and she didn’t have a moment to completely comprehend the fact that her friend was awake, she was awake and alive. It was everything she had been hoping for, everything she had been praying for.

“It just happened; her condition has been becoming more and more stable over the past hour. I called you the minute we realized that the change meant something. She woke up a minute before you walked through the door,” the Doctor replied as he made notes on her chart, “now we just have to wait and make sure that everything is okay, that her brain functions are normal and there hasn’t been any memory loss, but this is a very positive step, one that I wasn’t expecting to be honest with you Ms. Accord.”

Wiping her eyes to remove the tears that had fallen when she noticed her awake, “thank you Doctor,” she whispered as she pulled her chair close to her friend’s bed, making sure that no matter what she was here the next time she woke up. She wasn’t going to be anywhere else, she didn’t care anymore, and this was the most important thing in her life.

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Shay could hear the voice around her but for some reason couldn’t respond. The nurse had given her something against her will and it was making her docile, more susceptible to attack. She couldn’t let that happen; wouldn’t let it if she had to fight the drugs she would do it. The blond man was not going to get her this time! He wasn’t going to win no matter how much he beat her she would survive. Slowly even though she tried to fight it her mind began to shut down as she felt the tears continue to fall from her eyes. Who was the woman standing beside her? And who was Shay? It appeared to be her name, but why didn’t she remember it? Why was everything a blank?

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“You’re sure Ash got off on this floor?” Nick Carter questioned, as he stepped off the elevator along with his four brothers. It was nice to have all of them back together but he just wished it were under better circumstances. He snuck a look towards Kevin, who face was ash white and he appeared to be having trouble breathing. This was not going to be easy for his older brother; it was only two months ago that he had been in the Lexington hospital watching his wife slowly slip away. He was nowhere near ready to face this but he put on a strong front like always, never wanting to look weak around others. He’d never admit it to Kevin but he knew about all the times Kevin had cried over something while they were on tour. It was hard not to when you idolized the man and thought he was a god. He wished that they didn’t have to put his friend through this but the panic that he’d seen on Ashdonabee’s face from the phone call had been enough to have him sprinting out of the hotel after her and watch as she told the cab driver her destination was Tampa General.

“I’m sure it was but we could ask at the nurse’s station to make sure,” Howie suggested and walked towards the circular counter. The nurse behind it looked up at him and smiled then back down her clipboard only to do a double take.

“Yes, may I help you?” the blond who looked no more than twenty questioned in awe.

“I’m looking for a Shay McKenna; I think she’s a patient on this floor,” Howie replied and gave the girl a friendly smile as she stuttered off the room number, “thank you very much miss.”

“Oh but you can’t go back there, the doctor’s trying to explain things to her sister. She’d just woken up from the coma,” AJ and Brian simultaneously repeated the word coma and watched as the nurse nodded, “she’s been in a coma since she was admitted to the hospital six weeks ago. We were certain that she’d be transferred to the terminal wing any day now.”

“That a human being you’re talking about,” a gruff voice sounded from in back of them. Kevin threw the nurse a look of disgust and clinched his jaw, “she’s not a fucking number, her name is Shay McKenna and she’s our fuckin’ friend. Have some respect, even if she had woken up you should talk about her in such a flippant attitude.” With a last final seething glare, Kevin spun on his heel and headed towards room 211. The other exchanged looks and smiled apologetically at the young girl before following their friend.

“Guys let’s give them time to explain before we start jumping down there throat about not telling us okay?” Howie warned, sending Nick a particularly pointed look, “there has to be a reason they didn’t tell us. Maybe it’s not that bad.”  ‘Who the fuck am I kidding, she was in a coma. How good can it be?’ Howie thought shaking his head as he thought about the coma his sister had gone into during her last days with lupus. It was heart wrenching to watch and he wasn’t sure why Ashdonabee hadn't contacted them; after all they were employees of theirs in a matter of speaking, but most of all they were friends who had been there through the entire launch of their career.

“Oh fuck!” a voice exclaimed startling him from his thoughts. He zoned back and in and noticed that the voice was AJ’s and he was trying to keep himself up right as he looked into the room. All the guys had seemed to stop and were holding their breath. Kevin looked pale again as he rushed towards the unoccupied side of the bed, he almost collapsed before Brian pushed a chair towards him, seemingly to be the only one who was of sound mind. He wasn’t sure what expecting when he’d heard Ash mutter condition but it certainly wasn’t that of a massacre, which is what Shay appeared to have gone through. Her face was bandaged and swollen, cuts and stitches still firmly in place. The hospital gown that she was wearing was more red than blue from the blood that apparently was coming out her body. He couldn’t understand how she was alive there was that much blood.

“Ash, what the hell happened? Why the fuck didn’t you call us?” Nick raged feeling a panic settle into his mind as he took in the appearance of the one woman who’d ever been able to keep him in line. Good thing since it was her job; the spitfire that was known as Shay was now looking lifeless and paler than usually. The blood that was coating her dressing gown made it appear that they were too late. He felt the tears of turmoil and angry fall as he stalked towards the other woman and started to yell, letting all his anger out, “what happened to her? What the fuck? She could be dying and you didn’t bother to phone us? How the hell could you do that to the people who love her?”

Ashdonabee for her part was taking things in stride as she let go of Shay’s hand and turned towards the blond, whose face was red with anger, “you didn’t need to know Nick, we are your employees. She said once before that if anything ever happened she didn’t want her clients to know. It was her wishes.”

“Clients? Fucking clients? We are not clients; I’m fuckin in lo…..” Nick stopped as he noticed the woman in the bed open her eyes. They connected with his and his heart skipped a beat; she was awake and that was all that mattered. He reached for her hand and was brought back to reality when her horse voice yelled out.

“Get him away from me, you’re not going to hurt me again, I won’t fuckin’ let you!”

“But Shay……” Nick said his face falling as he saw the absolute terror in her eyes. The tears that had threatened to fall earlier, fell this time as he looked around the room at the others who were looking in horror and confusion between the two.

“I said get the fuck out!” Shay said as she grabbed the closest thing to her and weakly hurled the vase of fresh lilies towards him. They narrowly missed his head and shattered against the wall.

“Get out Nick,” Kevin commanded as he stood with an apologetic look on his face, pushing him towards the door, “get some air, she’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”

With that Nick looked back into the room where the doctors had now arrived to change the bandages and give Shay a new dressing gown. He punched the wall and cursed as he entered the elevator and punched the ground button.

Ash crumpled back down into the chair after her friend had been cleaned up and given more medication to help her fall back asleep. She was having a hard enough time dealing with everything, but now the guys were here. The ones that Shay had specifically asked her to not tell if anything happened to her, she was just following her friend’s wishes. She rested her elbows on her knees and buried her face in her hands, trying to catch a grip on reality. It was hard considering that the fact Shay was awake hadn’t really settled in, not to mention that she didn’t even seem to recognize anyone around her. Her heart broke slightly at the fact, the one person who she depended on more than anything, the one person who was her rock, didn’t even know her name. She felt the tears seep from her eyes, as she kept her head buried in her hands, as her shoulders shook.

Howie stood there watching her, taking her in. He didn’t know what to do, he glanced at Brian and AJ, who like him were bewildered with what was going on. The news had come too fast, too soon, and none of them knew how to deal with it. The one laying in the bed was woman of their closest friends, along with the woman sitting in the chair. He couldn’t be mad at Ash for not telling them, he couldn’t be upset like Nick was, what exactly would that solve? Nothing in the long run; they were here now, and they could offer any support that was needed, he would make sure of that.

Kevin’s voice broke the silence, “what happened?” he questioned simply as he moved to crouch beside Ash’s chair tilting his head to try and catch her gaze.

Her breath stuttered slightly as she glanced towards the man beside her, his haunted green eyes staring at her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, looking towards the bed, watching the gentle rise and fall of her friend’s chest, “I… not in front of her. It’s bad enough she is reliving it in her mind, I don’t want her overhearing what happened too.”

“Then let’s go get a coffee,” Kevin offered, as he stood up reaching his hand towards her. He noticed her hesitate, her eyes still trained on the bed, “If anything happens, we’ll make sure they call you okay?” glancing towards the Doctor, “you’ll call her if she wakes up again right?”

“Of course Ms. Accord, we have your number right at the nurses station, and I have it on me.”

“Thank you,” she whispered as she pushed herself up from the chair, making sure she had her balance before she even bothered taking a step. Her whole body was now letting how exhausted she actually was take over. She felt weak, but she couldn’t let that show, she had to be strong, she had to do everything to make sure that Shay had everything she needed. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she felt Kevin’s hand on her back, guiding her slightly. Her eyes flickered towards the other guys, just as AJ moved to walk beside her, reaching down and taking her hand.

“We’re here now,” he whispered as his fingers stroked her knuckles, “you don’t need to do this alone anymore.”

She let out a shaky breath as she let them lead her towards the elevator so they could descend to the coffee shop on the first floor. She wasn’t sure what was happening anymore, her best friend, her sister was finally awake. She had friends around her who knew what was going on, but why couldn’t she let herself at least relax a little? Let her body not be tense and wound up? She knew why. It had been the look on her sister’s face, that complete look of confusion when she stared at her, or rather through her. She didn’t know who she was. She felt the tears fall, as the elevator moved and her knees buckle slightly under her, “oh god..” she whispered, “she doesn’t remember,” it came out so mumbled she was sure no one heard her.

Kevin quickly slid his arm around her waist to hold her upright, hearing her whispered confession as he held onto her. This wasn’t the same woman that he used to spend hours having conversations with, this wasn’t her, he was sure she was in there somewhere, but right now he wasn’t holding that Ash, “relax, it’ll be okay.”

“How do you know?” she whispered as she reached her hand up to wipe her eyes.

He couldn’t answer that question, because in all honestly he didn’t know. Three years ago if you had asked him a question like that he would have answered it so quick someone’s head would spin, but now, with everything that had happened in his own life, he wasn’t so sure how he knew anything anymore.

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She ran a hand through her hair as she sat at the table starring absently into her cup of coffee, “I don’t even know where to begin.  All I know is that this has been my home since she’s been here, this has been my life, and I couldn’t imagine myself being anywhere else but with her right now.”

Brian reached across the table and rested his hand on top of hers, he knew this was going to be hard, but they needed to know what happened;she couldn’t have expected anything less really. They had spent so much time together; so many tours the two had been with them. So many times Ash had been beside him, helping him prank Nick and Shay. They all had a special bond together, that he was sure off. It was time that they brought that back together.

“Just take your time,” Kevin whispered softly, his arm still around her shoulders, rubbing softly in comforting strokes. He knew what she was going through, he had been there. He was still there, still trying to come to grips with the reality of the whole situation, the fact that when Mason did something he was proud of, he couldn’t turn and have Kristen sitting there smiling with him. It broke his heart every time he even thought her name, but he had to be strong right? If not for anyone, he had to be for Mason.

She bit her bottom lip and sighed softly, “I just remember that day, I was at the office working and Paul had come to see me. He isn’t supposed to be within a hundred feet of me, but he was there, outside waiting for me. I was sure he was there to hurt me, like he had so many times before…”

“He hurt you?” AJ questioned, his breathe getting a littler harsher at the thought of it, the thought that someone would dare lay their hands on one of his friends.

“It’s over now Alex,” she replied looking at him, “I haven’t seen him since Shay has been here, he used to call me ten times a day, now I hear nothing. He’s gone for good,” she watched as he nodded before she continued, “So I called Shay because I was honestly scared to leave. She told me she was on her way and that she would be there in ten minutes because she was just around the corner getting a coffee. That was the last time I heard her speak,” the tears were rolling down her cheeks, blurring her visions, “if I had just called the police she wouldn’t be here.”

Kevin pulled her closer to him, letting her cry against his shoulder as he looked up at the other guys who were all leaned forward, listening intently. He saw the tears peeking in Howie’s eyes and he looked at him, shaking his head, Ash didn’t need to see them falling apart too. It was the last thing that she needed. He watched as Howie cleared his throat and took a deep breath, focusing himself again, “you cannot in any way blame this on yourself, you know even if you called the police she would have come anyway, because you would have called her. You know that she was always going to be there to protect you no matter what the situation.”

Nodding her head against his shoulder, “I know that, she was always so stubborn, so fucking stubborn about everything,” as she took a deep breath and sat back up lifting her head just as she saw Nick slip into the room. She watched his eyes scan the room before coming to rest on hers, she blinked slightly as if letting him know to come over and sit with them, “I’m sorry Nick.”

“No don’t you dare be sorry, I acted stupid,” as he moved to stand beside her crouching down and hugging her tightly, “I’m sorry I acted like that, I know this is hard on you and you were just carrying out her wishes, as unfair as they were. You are her sister and I know you would do anything for her.”

She hugged him back tightly, pulling back to look in his eyes, “you are here now, and that is the one thing that means the world to me, I don’t have to suffer through this alone anymore.”

Brian pushed out a chair for Nick to sit beside him, “sit down, Ash was just telling us what happened,” looking at her to make sure that it was okay for him to tell the first part, “all we know so far is that Shay was going to help Ash because Paul was stalking her and she was scared he would try and hurt her.”

Nick’s gaze shifted back to the other woman, he knew from Shay that Paul wasn’t a nice person, and he always wondered why Ash had stayed in such a horrible relationship. It was never his place to say anything though, but now he let out a sigh of relief at the words that he was gone, “well that’s one step in the right direction,” smiling at her softly.

Kevin gently brushed a piece of hair from her face, “continue.”

She took a deep breath, “well, she never showed up. I didn’t leave the office, even though he had disappeared the minute I had called her. It was about an hour later when I got a call, it was a police officer telling me to get to the hospital. They never told me what happened, they wouldn’t explain anything to me over the phone, they just asked me if I knew Shay,” her tears still falling down, “and here we are six weeks later. The Doctor didn’t think she would wake up; I was going to have to make the decision to move her onto the long-term care ward. I was going to lose the one person who I had beside me my entire life.”

“That was until today,” AJ replied softly, “today she woke up, which is one step in the right direction. It means that she is on the road to recovery.”

She looked up at AJ, “it isn’t that simple Alex, she doesn’t even know who I am. She doesn’t even recognize my voice, she looks right through me. This is the beginning of a very long road.”

She smiled for what felt like the first time in forever. Having the guys around was helping her more than she ever thought possible. She would never admit that she needed help, never admit that she was weak in any sense of the word. Though she was sure the guys had picked up on her wavering strength, especially Kevin. She was grateful that he was back in her life, grateful that he was there for her and she hoped she was helping him in some way. She leaned back against the wall and watched as he played with his son; the sparkle in his eye was unmistakable. She had missed him, missed so much of his life. She still couldn't grasp the concept completely that Kristen wasn't there sitting beside her, watching, making comments and telling stories.

She glanced up when she felt little arms wrap around her leg, she glanced down seeing the little blonde head, reaching down she touched his head, "are you trying to hide from Daddy?"

He nodded his head as he looked up at her. Her breath caught slightly in her throat, it happened every time the little boy looked at her, he had the same eyes as his father. They pierced right through her. Kevin had done the same thing when she first met him. They had an instant connection and bonded over the simplest of things.

She was brought out of her trance as the little boy giggled and ran off, finding something to amuse himself with. She felt Kevin beside her, "he is so much like you."

"Isn’t he? I still can't believe sometimes that I had a part in making him, it's surreal," as he kept his eyes trained on his son, reaching an arm to wrap around her shoulders pulling her against his side, "he has her blonde hair though."

"He does," she whispered as she let herself lean against him, not sure what else to say to the other. She didn't want to bring up Kristen if he didn't want to talk about.

He ran his hand up and down her arm in comforting strokes, being in Florida right now was exactly what he needed, it was the perfect distraction to help start getting his life back on track. Knowing that Ash needed his help, knowing that she was fragile and falling apart. He had heard her that first night they had all meet back up again, he had went to stay with her that night, and after getting Mason settled he had went to talk to her. He noticed her door was closed and was about to knock when he heard her crying.  He’d rested his hand on the door, he didn't want to disturb her, and he didn't want her to know that he had seen her at her weakest. He knew that would destroy her, make her push them away.

"How is everything going with Shay? Is she ready to go home?"

"I don't know, I mean how much can someone be ready to go to a place they don't even remember? I have a hard enough time trying to get her to listen to me, which well to be honest was always a problem. I just want to help her; I want to piece her life back together. Fuck Kevin, I want to go back in time and make it so this didn't happen at all, maybe if I had stayed with Paul..."

"Ashdonabee!" as he looked at her sternly, "don't even think like that. He destroyed your life, pulled apart your self-worth. Staying with him would have killed you and you know it. Heck I couldn't even see you; you couldn't talk to your best friend, what kind of life was that? You are beautiful, smart and completely talented; I don't ever want you to think that staying with him would have made your life better for you. We all want back our confident beautiful Ashdonabee Accord, the one that stepped into that room all those years ago."

She tilted her head slightly to look up at him, biting her bottom lip to keep herself in check, "I'm trying to get back there, trying so hard to figure myself out. I just haven't had time to focus on anything but Shay, she takes all my time and energy and she needs it right now."

"Not all of it, we are here now to help you, to take some of the weight off your shoulders. You don't have to always take on everything yourself," flicking his eyes quickly to check on his son before looking back at her, "and please don’t take on my pain, it's the last thing that I need or want. Just being here, seeing you again, it helps to be around people I care about and ones who need me. I always want you to know you can depend on me."

"I always could, I just feel so guilty that I didn't know about Kris. That I was so disconnected. I wish I had been able to talk to you about it."

"There were so many times I wanted to call you, but I didn't. I knew if he answered your phone it would never be good for you. I hated the position he put you in, and when I heard that you had left him, I actually smiled. Kristen wanted to call you, but she didn't have the strength to even sit up most days," his voice fading out as he spoke.

She felt her heart tighten as she looked at him, moving her arms around him and hugging him close, just offering him whatever comfort that she could, "I bet she fought so hard to stay with you, you are an amazing man Kevin, I'm sure she knew how much you cherished her and loved her. She never wanted for anything when you were there and now Mason will never need for anything, he will have all the love in the world because you are his father."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, resting his cheek against her temple, holding onto her tighter, "the reason I'm making it through this, and still holding on is because of my friends, ones like you who listen and don't judge and let me do things on my own time. It's why I followed the guys; I needed all that comfort I had when I was a part of the band."

"You are always a part of the band," she replied, "maybe not a physical part but an emotional one."

He smiled kissing her forehead, "I think we should go grab something to eat, I haven't seen you eat a decent meal since I’ve been here."

"I don't have time," came her reply as she smiled up at him, "but if you are offering to take me lunch I won't object in the slightest."

He laughed softly; he loved how their conversations flowed, no matter how serious they could get they always ended up smiling or laughing at something or another. He glanced over at Mason, "he needs to eat anyway; he's been burning off so much running around all day."

"He must get that from his mother, all that energy because I’ve never you move faster than a turtle," she teased as she squeezed his side before pushing off the wall and stretching her arms over her head.

"Hey," he laughed as he pushed off the wall nudging her with his elbow, as he stood beside her, "Mason, come on it's time to go eat."

She smiled as the boy ran towards him, laughing as his father lifted him up into his arms kissing his temple. She took a deep breath as she looked out over the atrium tucked somewhere in the hospital and sighed, she would be glad when she didn't have to be here anymore, when the brick walls weren't her home anymore. For sure she would miss it, especially when she had become friends with some of the hospital staff, but Shay was finally getting to go home. What exactly was home? A room in her town house? A place Shay hasn't stayed in years, it wouldn't help her, at least that was her opinion, but the Doctor said she needed family, and she was her only family at this point. Kevin brought her out of her trance by taking her elbow and motioning they should leave. She nodded her head and wrapped her arms around herself. For some reason since the guys had shown up she felt overexposed. Maybe it was because they were watching her carefully, taking in her every move to make sure she was okay. Most times she just wanted to scream at them but what good would that do? They were just trying to help after all right?