Fifteen-year-old Tesia Lenore McLean sat out on the porch swing on the back deck, quietly pushing it back and forth. She’d a pad of paper in one hand and a pencil, which she was chewing the eraser of, in the other.

“I hate when I know what I wanna write, but it won’t come out ‘cause memories keep flooding into my head instead,” she grumbled to herself. “I wish I didn’t have these stupid, evil memories. But…if I didn’t, I’d prolly have nothing to write about then….”

She’d written some pretty decent songs before – least, they must’ve been decent, since her first album sold millions. But this one, well, this one was opening up a tightly sealed can of worms. She’d tried to forget all these awful memories of hers, but according to her brother, they made her who she was. And he loved her for who she was – through all the good and the bad – he always had.

“Maybe if it fabricate it a little, so it’s not exactly all my memories…” She mused. “Then maybe it won’t be so hard to sing, once I finally get it written. Nobody but me needs to know who the song’s really about.”

She chewed on the pencil eraser a little more, before finally penciling some words onto the pad of paper before her.

You with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me

You have knocked me off my feet again, got me feeling like I’m nothing

She bit her lip, as she held the pencil poised over the paper, pausing momentarily. She could feel her eyes welling up with tears, as she recalled how true these words had been back when she was younger. She swallowed the lump in her throat, and continued writing.

You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard calling me out when I’m wounded

You, picking on the weaker man

She shuddered slightly, as she felt the words just pouring out from the very depths of her soul. She just hoped this would somehow help heal some old wounds.

Well, you can take me down with just one single blow

But you don’t know, what you don’t know

A.J. McLean of the Backstreet Boys sat in his basement studio, reading over what his little sister had handed him. She hadn’t been kidding when she’d said this song was different from all the others she’d written. This one held a much deeper meaning, than any of her fans could probably even possibly imagine.

“Are you sure, Baby T.?” He asked her, using the old nickname he’d given her back when she’d been only three. “This is some pretty heavy stuff for someone your age to be singing.”

“I’m sure,” Tesia assured him. “I mean, what if one of my fans is going through this too, J.? What if my song helps them to not feel so alone? I know I felt pretty alone, until I finally caved and told Marcus what was going on. Before that, I felt like I only had my Teddy to share my secrets with.”

“You make a valid point,” A.J. agreed solemnly. “I feel slightly bad for hoping it helps no one. I don’t want to think about any child going through what you endured. Finding out you’d gone through all that, was bad enough. I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry in my life.”

“And for once, it wasn’t me you were angry with,” Tesia said, cracking a small smile. “I should’ve known you wouldn’t’ve been mad at me for it. But I just – I felt so rotten, and dirty, and didn’t want you to end up feeling like I was. I didn’t want… I didn’t want for you to hate me, for being so bad, that I caused it all to happen.”

“Tesia, none of that was ever your fault,” A.J. stated firmly, locking eyes with her. “If I could go back and do it all over again, I’d have never left you alone with Raul and I would’ve gotten you out of that house a hell of a lot sooner than I did.”

Tesia climbed into his lap then, wrapping her arms about his neck and hugging him tightly. She wanted to re-assure him, and she wanted to hug him.

“I know you would J….” She whispered softly. “And I love you for it. But this is something I’ve got to do, in order to get past it all. And just in case some of my fans are going through Hell, I want them to know they’re not alone. There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re all alone, and have no one to turn too.”

“Believe me, I know,” A.J. replied, hugging her tightly, and kissing the side of her head affectionately. “Well, if you’re sure, get on into the recording booth and we’ll start recording it.”

“I love you J.,” She smiled, as she stood from his lap and headed for the sound booth.

“I love you too, Kiddo,” A.J. smiled in return. “Go get set up.”

Tesia headed on into the booth and stuck the headphones on her head. There was nothing greater than being in a sound booth recording your own songs! She’d always dreamed of being just like her brother, and with his help, her dream had come true.

She waited for her brother to get the music she had set up going, then leaned into the microphone and began to sing.   

Some day I’ll be living in a big old city

And all you’re ever gonna be is mean

Some day I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me

And all you’re ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean

Tesia stood on the set of her new music video; the song she’d written and recorded was to be her first single for her new album. She was a little nervous about how her fans and the critics would take this video, since she was still so young. But she needed to do this, that much she knew. And even if she crashed and burned, least she’d still have her brother standing there behind her to catch her if she should fall.

She was wearing a black tank dress, with a blue plaid heart on the front, and blue ribbons for shoulder straps. It also had a blue tartan skirt, with black mesh underneath it. With the dress, she adorned blue low-top converse shoes, black and blue striped leggings, black fingerless gloves, and blue star dangling earrings. She wanted to be funky, since she was A.J. McLean’s sister after all – but she also had to be decent, otherwise her brother would probably come after her behind with a strap for a good lickin’. Not that he’d ever give her an actual lickin’ – he was much too nice for that, and hated having to be mean.

“You ready to rock ‘n’ roll?” Nigel, the director asked.

“I was born to rock,” Tesia laughed, as she headed for the microphone stand that was by itself in front of a black backdrop cloth. This set was to be used for certain parts of her video, while the rest of the video would tell a story or two of sorts. “Let’s burn it up!”

A.J. shook his head at his sister – only she would indirectly make a Nick Carter reference. “You better be sure to sing the right song, T.”

Tesia giggled. “I know what I’m singin’ J. Now, quiet on my set…please.”

A.J. rolled his eyes, as he stood off to the side to watch. He was co-directing, as he did for all her videos. He was her manager after all, and there’d be hell to pay if anyone made his sister do something he hadn’t deemed appropriate for her age.

“And, action!” Nigel called out, soon as all was silent.

Tesia grabbed the microphone stand with her right hand, pulling it close to her, and making sure her blue, purple, and brown pigtails weren’t going to get in her way while singing. She struck a pose full of attitude, as she began to sing, her voice dripping with bitterness and spunk.

You with your switching sides and your wildfire lies and your humiliation

You have pointed out my flaws again, as if I don’t already see them

The next scene involved her walking away from some grown man yelling insults at her, and waving a piece of school work in the air. It was obvious he wasn’t happy with the grade she had received.

“Cut!” Tesia exclaimed, after having attempted the scene three times. She hated to admit it, but though she knew them man was just an actor, the yelling was starting to freak her out. “I-I need a moment.”

She quickly walked off set, and over to her brother, instantly clinging to him like she usually did when scared. She hated to admit this still freaked her out at her age, but it was hard to let go of the past at times. This scene brought back so many awful memories of her father for her, that she needed the comfort of her brother’s arms for a few moments, to remind herself she was indeed all right.

A.J. immediately embraced her, no questions asked. He had a feeling what was wrong, and knew exactly what it was she was seeking.

“You’re all right, Baby T.,” he murmured in her ear softly. “I’ve got you, and no one is going to ever hurt you like that again. I am not afraid to kill for you.”

Tesia gave a small, half laugh. “No killing anybody, J. I need you. Let Marcus do the killing.”

A.J. chuckled. “He’d probably enjoy it too much.”

Tesia sniffled slightly, though she couldn’t help but giggle. “Probably.”

“Hey now, no ruining your eyeliner and blue eye shadow,” A.J. chided. “You know the ladies here don’t enjoy re-touching your make-up.”

“They’re going to have too,” Tesia admitted. “I licked the pink lip gloss off.”

A.J. shook his head at her. “Dry your eyes, T. You can do this. I am right here.”

“Kay,” Tesia said softly, patting her eyes dry with his black skull t-shirt.

A.J. rolled his eyes. “That wasn’t an invitation to use my shirt as a snot rag.”

“I never blew my nose on it,” Tesia insisted, smiling innocently. “And you’re the one who told me to dry my eyes, knowing full well I’ve nothing to dry them with.”

“Just go get touched up and finish the scene, you little sass,” A.J. teased, playfully shoving her away from him. He couldn’t be mad at her, when he should’ve known all along what she was going to do.

Tesia giggled, as she walked back on set and let the make-up ladies re-touch her make-up. Soon as they had finished, she let Nigel know she was ready to continue, and the scene began once more.

I walk with my head down trying to block you out ‘cause I’ll never impress you

I just wanna feel okay again

The scene switched back to her with her microphone, and the black backdrop. Though she was wearing black and blue, she didn’t blend into the background, as they were going to edit it, so she practically popped out of the video.

I bet you got pushed around somebody made you cold

But the cycle ends right now ‘cause you can’t lead me down that road

And you don’t know what you don’t know

“Wow!” Tesia breathed, as she took in the view from the top of the building they currently stood upon. “I love this! I’m glad I suggested it.”

“Tell me again why you wanted to film the chorus up here,” Nigel said, as he directed camera men where to set up. “We’re pretty high up.”

“I wanted to feel as thought I was on top of the world,” Tesia admitted. “I think being up here in empowering. It proves you can do whatever you set your mind to doing – so long as it’s a good doing, you’re going to do.”

“You know, you can be pretty confusing sometimes, Kid,” Nigel told her. “Lucky for you, I like you.”

“J. tells me that all the time too,” Tesia laughed, as she went over to the microphone stand that had been placed just far enough from the edge of the rooftop, that they could get the view in the background.

Soon everything was ready to go, and Tesia continued on with the filming of her video. She stood behind the microphone and stretched her arms out to her sides, as if showing off the view, as she started to sing.

Some day I’ll be living in a big old city

And all you’re ever gonna be is mean

Some day I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me

And all you’re ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean

Tesia giggled as she entered the bar they were shooting the next scene in. she’d gotten special permission to be in it, since she was still six-years under the legal drinking age. She was a little excited to be in one all ready, even if it was only for the one scene of her video. She was still in one, and couldn’t wait to tell her best friend, Kara, all about it.

In this scene, the same man, who’d been yelling at her before about school grades, was now pretending to get drunk in the bar. He was putting on a great show of being loud and seeming opinionated.

Tesia meanwhile, was standing off in a corner singing, without a microphone this time. She was still dancing some though, as she just couldn’t stand still when there was music of any sort playing.

And I can see you years from now in a bar

Talking over a football game with that same big loud opinion

But nobody’s listening

Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things

Drunk and grumbling on about how I can’t sing

But all you are is mean

All you are is mean

And a liar

And pathetic

And alone in life

And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

Tesia stood on a large stage, in front of thousands of fans, which were screaming her name excitedly. This is what she lived for – being on stage. She absolutely loved to be the center of attention,  when she felt it was appropriate to be so.

She had decided that for the last bit of her music video, she wanted to be on stage doing what she loved best. She wanted for her fans to see, that their dreams really could come true – no matter how big or how small. If she could do it, so could they – even if they didn’t have a famous older brother to help them out.

But some day I’ll be living in a big old city

And all you’re ever gonna be is mean, yeah

Tesia sang her heart out, walking across the large stage, as her fans sang along amidst their screaming. On the screen behind her, were extra scenes they had filmed. In those scenes, it showed a young girl being smacked around and screamed at.

She’d given tons of props to the young girl who’d been selected to play her at that age, as just watching it from the sidelines had made her uneasy. She’d clung to her brother’s side, until the filming of those scenes had been finished. She’d wanted to watch, but watching also unnerved her, as they hit much too close to home.

Some day I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me

And all you’re ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean

Some day I’ll be living in a big all city

And all you’re ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean

Tesia glanced off to the side of the stage where her brother stood, giving him a small smile, while trying not to break her character too much. She didn’t want to take meaning away from the lyrics by smiling at the wrong moment – but it was hard not to smile upon spotting her brother. He’d made all her dreams come true, and so much more. He was her hero, whether he believed it or not, and he always would be.

She turned her attention back on her fans then, after seeing him smile in return. This video was for them. It was for any little girl who’d had to go through, what she’d been through. It was also for anyone who’d been bullied by anyone really. She hoped this video helped them realize that they were not alone – even she too, had, had her share of problems with bullies.

Some day I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me

And all you’re ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean