My Breathless Mistress

I’m going to save the introductions, you know who I am, and sorry but right now I don’t care who you are. I’m not in the greatest of moods cause well, my life sucks right now. Who am I kidding it always sucks, I can never catch a fucking break. If it’s not the damn group or one of the guys, it’s my Mom, or my Dad, pfft what Dad. And if it’s not them then it’s the woman in my life, they’ve all been nothing but a big fucking pain in my ass…well ok…I guess I did have a hand in fucking it up, not this time, at least I don’t think I did. I dunno why Katie and I broke up; all I know is that it’s over. Another one gone, another one walked away.

I wish, I wish she was still here, and there she is, in my mind only, my breathless mistress. She was so beautiful; I often wonder what she would look like now, if she had the chance to become a woman. Her smile, I bet that wouldn’t have changed.

Oh, I guess now I lost you. Sorry. I guess I can fill you all in on a little secret. Did you know Kevin had a sister? Well not a blood sister, but she was like one too him, too the whole family. Her name was Chelsea, she was my age and she knew the Richardson’s because her mother had gone to school with Jerald and Anne. I’m sure you all know that story how they were high school sweethearts and all that, yeah lucky them.

Anyways, after High School Chelsea’s Mom moved away from Kentucky got married but married the wrong dude. He use to beat her Mom all the time and when Chelsea was little he use to beat her too. Until Chelsea’s Mom finally had enough and was able to get him put in jail. She moved back to Kentucky with the help of Jerald and Anne where she raised Chelsea by herself.

How do I know all this? Well she told me, Chelsea. See back when the group was just starting out, we had to do a lot of our stuff on our own. Touring, promoting and back then, let me tell you, we didn’t have a fucking clue what we were doing. Kevin got us some small promo shows in Lexington, so we all went out there. It was the first time I had met Kevin’s Mom, wish I could have met his Dad. It was the first time I saw her too. She was in the front yard with Anne doing flips. She was a gymnast; you know kart wheels and back flips. I would break my neck if I tried some of the shit she was able to do.

I remember one time Chelsea had come to see Kevin in Florida.. Oh wait I don’t want to get to far off track; I have a habit of doing that. So she was outside when we pulled up. Her hair was long and dark brown almost like a dark chocolate. Her eyes were so blue, they always made me smile, still do when I can get a good picture in my head. Which is becoming harder and harder to do. Sometimes, I’ll just go to Kevin and Kristin’s, just to see her picture. I have one, one she gave me long ago but it’s old and warn out.

Well I guess you’re wondering why you’ve never heard of her. It’s because it hurts too much, for Kevin and his family and yeah for me too. See while we spent that week out in Kentucky Chelsea and I had become close. We even had our first kiss out in the blue grass fields by Kevin’s house. Man, I was such a dork back then, makes me giggle.

We decided because of certain people that ran the group back then, that screaming to the hill tops about us wasn’t the best idea. We saw what Kevin and Kristin were going through, the pressure and we didn’t want that, we just wanted to be two sixteen year olds. So we kept it a secret, it’s the only fucking secret I’ve been able to keep my whole life.

September 1st 1995, I will always remember that day. We were in Florida doing promo for We’ve Got it Going On. The first single we released in the States, it bombed, but that’s a whole nother story. I was at home with my Mom and Grandparents when the phone rang. It was Johnny one of our managers, he told Ma that Kevin had received a phone call from Anne. Chelsea’s Dad had been released from jail. Apparently someone fucked up some papers a while back and because of it he got out. Johnny said Kevin was going home for a couple of days, to be with the family. I was able to call her later that night, man she was upset, scared, I wanted to fly out there so bad but I couldn’t. Biggest mistake of my life. Two weeks later while we were getting ready for the song to be released she went missing, while walking home from her bus stop. I guess her Mom was running late picking her up, so she just started walking home like she always did when that happened.

He wouldn’t be a threat to her is what they told her. But they were wrong, he found her, he took her, and yes he killed her. We’re not sure when, she was gone for about a week before they found the cabin. I remember that phone call too. It was Johnny again calling to let Ma know they were going to take a couple of days because they had found her.

Mom knew the two of us we’re friends; we did hang out and could get away with it because we were the same age. When she was done talking to Johnny, that’s when she told me. They had found a cabin in northwestern Kentucky that was on fire, when the blaze had been put out, that’s when they found her, and that’s where I made Mom stop.

Mom asked if I wanted to go, I couldn’t say no, people would read into it maybe, start prying and I couldn’t take it back then. So I went. I sat there in that damn church, with that damn coffin. I stared at it the whole time waiting for her to pop out. Telling myself I wouldn’t be mad she played such a sick joke, just wanting her to be ok. But she wasn’t and it slowly started to eat away at me. I tried replacing her, I tried forgetting her, I even tried putting myself in such a stopper I would see her. Didn’t work, almost took me right too her.

Johnny and the crew did a good job hiding it and we were a little surprised no one looked. They did it for Kevin; the two of them were very close even though there was a big age difference. He didn’t want to deal with the questions and the stories so the boy band machine went to work and the blanket was put over that part of Kevin’s life. I guess mine too.

So, that’s the secret. I would appreciate it if it stayed that way but I know I can trust you guys. I think you all would of loved her and not because she was like Kevin’s sister. I wonder how my life would have been if she was still around. Would we still be together? Who knows. Would I have gone to rehab, probably she wasn’t my only problem, she’s still not a problem, I just miss her. How do you stop missing someone? They can’t tell me how to do that in rehab.

Shit, I got so caught up in talking to you my smoke burnt away. I know, I know I should quit. One thing at a time ladies, one thing at a time. I need to sit while I light this smoke, my knee hurts.

I can walk around with out the brace now. Got it taken off this morning, which means no crutches, thank fucking god. It was hard drinking my coffee, smoking a cig and trying to walk, like I have a hard enough time doing it without those damn things.

Well I feel better now, talking about her does that but it’s not like I get much of a chance too. Sometimes I wonder if I should tell Kevin, but then he would start asking questions. And I don’t think he would want to know that Chels and I were sleeping together. She wasn’t my first, she was my second, but I was her first. I guess her only.

You know what really sucks about it, they never caught him. They searched Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio, they looked everywhere and they couldn’t find the asshole. I often wonder if the man walking pass me is him but I wouldn’t know I never saw a picture of him and Chels didn’t talk about him at all. Only when she had told me about what had happen to her and her Mom.

Chelsea’s Mom. She died a couple of years later, she just couldn’t take what had happened and she blamed herself. Anne did everything she could to help Liza, which was her Mom’s name. Only met her once or twice but she was a nice lady and loved Chelsea very much, I can see why she did what she did. I just hope now they’re both a peace, at least they’re away from him.

My Breathless Mistress, that’s what I call her sometimes in my head. My heart will always be with her, call me selfish, I don’t care. I didn’t get a say in it so why should you, or anyone else for that matter. I’ll keep her that way too, I don’t need people telling me to get over her, we were only sixteen what did we know about love. No thanks, I’ll keep her right here.

Well thanks for the chat ladies, it was actually kind of nice. I need to head home now, call Ma let her know about the brace. Have to get this knee back in shape have a small tour coming up in China. Maybe I’ll see ya there.

 

                                    Chapter 1

 

March 1st 2008

 

Well here I sit writing in this damn thing again, in my hotel room in China and today was a hard day for me, last night I had the weirdest fucking dream ever.  I was walking down the street from Starbucks after my doctor’s appointment when I had my knee operated on about 4 years ago.  I just started telling them about Chelsea for no reason at all.  Told them everything, how we covered it up, what happened to her, and how that was covered up.  I don’t know why I had this dream, I haven’t thought about her in a long time and it got me missing her.  All the questions came back too, what she would be like now, what would she look like now.  Damn now I’m getting teary eyed again.  I’ve been fighting these damn tears all day, it’s been 12 going on 13 years since she’s been gone, ya think this shit would of stopped by now.

 

Another reason could be the recent break up with my girlfriend Rachel.  I thought she was it, something special, something finally perfect and she was but I’m not.  So another relationship fucked up and another one down the drain.  I’m glad Chelsea’s not here; I probably would have fucked that up too. Someone’s knocking on my door, so I’ll end it here.

 

“Hey dude didn’t think you’d still be up.” Nick said as he looked at AJ.

 

“Yeah I was just watchin’ tv.” AJ said as he nodded back towards his room.

 

“I’m bored” Nick said as he walked in.

 

“Sure come on in.” AJ scoffed sarcastically as he flailed his arm out.  He stared at Nick for a moment and then closed the door.

 

“Hey” Nick said as he picked up the book on the bed.  “You still write in this thing?”

 

AJ walked over and grabbed the book from Nick.  “Yes” He said as he walked around the bed and stuck the book in his backpack.  “So what do you want man?”

 

“I told you I’m bored.” Nick said with a slight squeal.

 

“Go bug Howie.” AJ said as he sat down on his bed leaning back against the head board.

 

“Can’t, he’s getting feak-a-leaky.” Nick said wiggling his eyebrows.

 

“Eww” AJ said as a disgusted look came over his face.

 

“At least you weren’t standing at the door dude.” Nick said turning back around and flipping through the channels.  AJ rolled his eyes and reached down for his back pack as Nick looked for something to watch.  He pulled out his journal and opened it.

 

Same date

 

            ..ok so Carter just fucking walked in and made himself at home, I was thinking about going to bed, not now.

 

            “Sweet! Dude the Goonies are on.”  Nick said turning up the volume.

 

            Both guys stared at the tv as Chunk proceeded to do the truffle shuffle.  But there was something different about this version.  It was dubbed in Chinese.

 

            “Awesome” Nick laughed as he looked back at AJ and then too the tv continuing to watch the movie.

 

            ..Fuck, now he’s watching Goonies a la Chinese.  Why can’t he do this in his room?  Whatever, it’s not like he can hang with anyone else anyways.  Brian’s out with Leigh-Anne, Howie’s with his wife in their room gettin’ freak-a-leaky, so that just leaves me.  I miss Kev, things are crazy and he always had a way of keeping it all together, even though he always made us late!! But I guess we’re doin’ all right, we’re still late now it’s my fault usually.  Things back home though,, it’s kind of like old times really, it’s almost border line crickets again, depending which State we go too.  We’re doing good out here though, in Asia, man the crowds we’ve gotten out here have been amazing.  My solo shows are coming up in LA. I’m nervous as hell.  Mostly because of Sincerely Yours, I dunno if I can do it.  Everyone keeps telling me not to worry the fans will get it, I know they will and it’s not that.  It’s just me worrying about how it’s gonna make me feel.  I hate the way he makes me feel, I hate that I have to go through this shit.  If Chelsea was here I could talk her, she was the only one I felt ok with talking too about my dad, probably cause her dad was worse than mine.  See there I go again, talking about Chels.  Well I can’t let it stop me; I have to keep movin’ forward, I’ll be damn if he’s going to ruin this for me.  Sweet, Nick is leaving.  I’m going to bed now. 

 

            “I don’t know why you couldn’t just do that in you’re room.” AJ sighed as he stood at the door.

 

            “Thought you could use the company.” Nick shrugged.  “Plus I didn’t think you’d be writing in that thing all night.”

 

            “We’ll go do something after the concert tomorrow, alright?” AJ said.

 

            “Coo” Nick said with a nod.  “Night man.” Nick waved as he walked away.

 

            “Night” AJ said as he closed his door over.

 

            He walked over to his bed and looked at the book that laid on top of his covers.  With a sigh he picked it up and put it in his backpack again.  He pulled back the covers, crawled into the bed, and turned out the night lamp beside his bed.

 

 

March 2, 2008,

 

            It’s early in the morning, getting up to do press and I’m waiting on my breakfast.  I had another dream last night, but this one wasn’t with the fans, this one was with her.  We were in Kentucky, in the field we usually hung around in to get away from everyone.  I was lying on the grass with her in my arms and she was gently kissing my neck.  She did that a lot when we would cuddle.  She always made me feel like I was the only one in the room, well I guess I was, fuck you know what I mean.  I could feel her lips, feel the softness of her hair, and I could smell her vanilla perfume.  It was so vivid and I can’t shake it for the life of me…

 

 

            “What was that?” I asked her as she laid with her head on my chest, her forehead touching my neck.  She popped her head up a little a looked towards the trail entrance.

 

“I don’t hear anything.” She said as she looked back to me.  Her eyes were blue, like the blue waters of the Caribbean.  She lightly smiled as she laid her head back down.  “Paranoid Alex?”  She asked me.

 

“No.” I said quickly trying to hide it.  I heard her lightly laugh and I knew she knew I was lying.  “Well a little, I really don’t want Kevin killing me before the group even gets started.”  I told her and it was true. 

 

“He won’t kill you.” She said with a laugh.  “I’ll make sure of it.”

 

“That helps my masculinity” I sighed jokingly too her.

 

“Aww.” She pouted on my behalf with a light smile.  “We’ll I can help you with that too?”  Her lips cracked into a little smile as she slowly leaned in and kissed my neck.  I closed my eyes and relaxed a little.  Her lips were soft like a feather as they gently tumbled down my neck.  It made my stomach do flips and my heart flutter; I was not use to a girl giving me this kind of attention.  The girls at my High School thought I was a geek and a loser and I was starting to believe them, until I met her.

 

Her lips gently kissed my ear and I smiled lightly as I ran my fingers through her hair.  I could smell her perfume as a gently breeze blew past us.  I opened my eyes when she sat up a little.  She looked at me and I started thinking I had something on my face.

 

“What?” I said to her with a light smile.

 

“Thank you.” She said as she laid her head back down on my chest.

 

“For?” I asked confused.

 

“For being you.”  She said as her fingers slid down the side of my face.  She looked up at me and I lightly smiled back at her as I leaned in and kissed her.

 

 

…That’s where I woke up, holding my pillow like I was holding her.  I wonder if she would thank me today.  Knowing what I put myself through, what I put my family through, what I put Kevin through.  I don’t know why she’s been on my mind so much lately.  Maybe it has to do with the break up. Maybe something is telling me it’s time.  Time to move on, time to let go and time to set her free. Maybe.

 

                                  

Chapter 2

March 4th 2008

I stood in the elevator, my cell phone to my ear listening to Kevin’s message, replaying his room number.  Everyone had crashed before sound check later this afternoon, so it was easy to get away.  Thank goodness too cause I fuckin suck at sneaky around, in both senses.

 

“654” I mumble as he said the number.  I looked down the halls for the room number signs.  His hallway was on the left so I headed in that direction. I looked at the numbers on the doors as I reached the end of the hallway.  I put my phone in my pocket and knocked on the door.

 

“It’s open.” I heard Kevin say from the inside.  I grabbed the knob, opened the door and walked into the room.

 

“Hey man.” Kevin said as he stood up from the couch in the room as I closed the door behind me.

 

“Hey Pops!” I said with a nod.  He walked over and hugged me.

 

“You look good.” Kevin said with that Kevin smile of his.

 

“Thanks man, so do you.” I said with a smile.  “How’s parenthood?”

 

“Amazing.” Kevin said.  “He’s getting bigger everyday.”  He gleamed as sat down at the table.  “Want a soda?” Kevin asked as he walked over to the mini bar.

 

“Sure” I said with a nod.  “So what’s up?”

 

“Nothing much, got in this morning, been relaxing.” Kevin said as he handed me a can of Pepsi.

 

“Cool but what’s with all the secrecy?” I asked him.  I opened the can and it sprayed over my hand, I looked around for a napkin, couldn’t find one.  My pants were the only thing I could think of so I whipped it quickly on them.

 

“I hear you broke up with Rachel.” He said and I looked up at him.  Here we go.

 

“Yeah” I said as I took a sip.

 

“What happened?” Kevin asked me.

 

“Lots of things.” I mumbled.  “I know you wanna see how I am but I’m fine I assure you.”

 

“And this shit I hear about the Clive Davis party?” Kevin asked me and my head shot up. 

 

“It was over by then.” I mumbled again.  “Can we not talk about this?” I asked.  My mood had gone from up to down in two minutes.  I wasn’t expecting that.

 

“I know how ya get when things like this happen and I just wanna make sure you’re ok man.” Kevin said to me.

 

“Well I am.” I said getting a little snippy.  “I guess I’m just use to it, since it always seems to be me who fucks everything up.” I said with a little tone of sarcasm.

 

“Everytime?” Kevin asked me.

 

“Fine, not every time but lately.” I sighed. “So, what else is going on with you man?” I asked hoping he would let me change the subject.  He looked at me for a moment and I wondered if he was gonna grill me again.

 

“Nothing much, got back from Kentucky a week ago.” Kevin said as he looked down at his can.

 

“Some home time.” I said with a smile.

 

“Yeah.” Kevin said as he still stared at the can.  He started spinning it around slowly.  “We got there and Mom had the place ripped apart.” He said with a laugh.

 

“Early start on spring cleaning?” I asked laughing.

 

“Yeah” Kevin said as he looked at me.  “Actually her and Jerald were cleaning out the attic.”

 

“Fun times.” I said raising my eyebrows.

 

“She was looking for all my old baby stuff, see if there was anything I wanted to give to Mason.” He said with a smile.

 

“Nice.” I said with a nod.  “Find anything good?”

 

“Yeah some things, mostly keep sakes.” He said with a shrug.  I nodded as I took another sip from my Pepsi.  “Also found some of Chelsea’s stuff.”  He said as he sat up straight.

 

“Really.” I said as I looked at the table.

 

“Yeah I guess Mom got some things after Liza died and she put them away.” Kevin said as he put his arm on the table. 

 

“Well that’s nice then, you were able to find the stuff.” I said as I played it cool.

 

“Yeah, it’s always nice to have something to remember someone by.” Kevin said.

 

“Yeah” I nodded. 

 

“So I figured you would want this.” He said as he reached down for something.  I looked at him confused and when he sat up he had a small box in his hand.  He set it down on the table. 

 

It was blue with silver metal lining the box edges; it looked like a small treasure chest.  It had a lock on the front of it and a dolphin painted across the top.

 

“Wha.” I said looking at the dolphin.  My throat went dry and I couldn’t say what I wanted to say.  “What is that?” I forced out and I quickly took another sip of my soda.

 

“It was Chelsea’s.” Kevin said as he looked at me.  I swallowed hard, the look in his eyes made my palms sweat.

 

“Why would I want it?” I asked him trying to be confused.

 

“Open it.” Kevin said to me with a light smile.  I looked at him for a moment and he nodded at the box.  I took a deep breath, trying to play it off as an uninterested sigh.  I picked up the box and pulled the open lock out from its hole and opened the small treasure chest like box.  When I opened it, I saw a clutter of objects, pictures, pieces of paper, and what look like junk.

 

“Why would I want this?” I asked playing stupid. 

 

“Fuck you’re stubborn.” Kevin sighed as he gently tilted the box back and pulled out a picture.  “There are more of them in there.”  He said as he showed me a picture of me and Chelsea, our faces touching, big smiles as we posed for the camera.  “There’s also movie stubs, and old dried out flower heads.  We were clueless she had something like this, so since you seem to be in all the pictures, we were hoping you could help us out.”  I stared at the picture.  I think it was the one of the ones we took when she came out to Florida for the first time.

 

“We knew the two of you were friends but we didn’t think you were this close of friends.” Kevin said as he looked at me and put the picture in front of me.

 

“Yeah, friends, totally friends, ya know, we both had shitty fathers, single mothers.” I said with a shrug.

 

“Holy crap that was close.” I thought to myself.

 

“Yeah that makes sense.” Kevin said with a nod.  I lightly smiled and look back down at the box.  I wondered what she had put in there, wondered what old memories that box had hidden.  “Alex?”

 

“Yeah man.” I said looking up at him.  His eyes were locked on mine; the look froze me to my chair.

 

“You two were more than friends weren’t you.” He said looking at me.  My lungs tightened and I couldn’t breath.  “I mean I look at those pictures.” He said as he pointed to them.  “Maybe everyone else sees friends but I know her and I know you and I see more.”

 

“Kevin.” I said not knowing what to say, not sure if I could, no, no I couldn’t I wasn’t ready.  My heart started racing and I put my can down.  I looked around wondering what I should do. 

 

“I mean if you two were more than friends, I’m not mad or anything, a little shocked I’m just finding out now, but not mad.” He told me.

 

“I..I..” Fuck I’m stuttering.  I needed to get out of here and I need to get out now.  I stood up and headed towards the door.

 

“Hey.” I heard Kevin say from behind me.  “Alex.”  I didn’t answer as I reached for the door, I was there, and I was on my way out.  “Alex.” Kevin said again as he grabbed my arm.  He stopped me and I tried to break free.

 

“Kevin just fuck off.” I said pulling my arm away.

 

“No” Kevin snapped at me and spun me around.  “Look at you; you’re almost  having a panic attack over this.” He said as he pointed at me.  “I told you, it’s ok, it’s not a big deal.”

 

I looked at him and for some reason I felt tired, exhausted, and I didn’t want to fight it anymore.  As I came to that decision every tear I ever fought back came pouring out and I broke down right there in front of Kevin.  I leaned on the wall, my hand over my eyes trying to get a hold of myself.

 

I felt Kevin’s hand on my shoulder.  “Let’s go sit down.” He said to me and I looked at him.  I then nodded and walked over to the couch in his hotel room.

 

I sat down on the couch and he handed me the box of tissues from the night stand.  I grabbed a couple of pieces and wiped my eyes and my nose.  I took a deep breath as my body started too calm and Kevin sat down beside me.

 

“Wow dude.” Kevin said and I heard the shock in his voice.  I laughed a little; he really didn’t have a clue.  “How many people know?”

 

“Only you.” I told him and I felt by body hesitate like it still wasn’t sure if I should go there.

 

“Me? You mean no one else knows?” Kevin asked me.

 

“Not even Ma.” I said to him.

 

“Alex.” Kevin frowned at me.

 

“We didn’t want Johnny and Donna finding out; we saw what you and Kris were going through.” I told him and another tear dropped from my eye.  “When she.” I stopped and bit me tongue.  “When she died at first I just didn’t want to upset anyone and I didn’t want people bugging me about her.  It was hard enough excepting what had happened.”

 

“Did you go over this in rehab?” He asked me.

 

“No.” I said as I lightly shook my head.

 

“So this whole time..” I cut him off.

 

“This whole time I’ve dealt with it, I didn’t do all of that shit because of her, I had other problems.” I told him.

 

“Well you’re relationships say otherwise.” He said to me.

 

“Oh so what are you now a fucking psychiatrist?” I snapped.

 

“Hey.” Kevin said putting up his arms.  I looked at him and then sighed.

 

“I’m sorry; I just didn’t see this coming.” I told him as I looked back at the box.

 

“I wouldn’t have sprung it on you this way if I had known you were going freak out like this man.” Kevin told me as I looked at him.  “How serious was it?” I quickly looked away.  “That serious huh?”

 

“Yes” I said without looking back at him.

 

“How long were the two of you together.”

 

“Over a year.” I told him.

 

“A year.” He gasped a little in shock.  “Wait, you had only known her for like a year.”

“I know.” I said as I finally looked back at him.  He stared at me a little confused. 

 

Well I guess this was it.  I guess this was the time.  I got up and walked over to the mini fridge and grabbed another Pepsi.  I then walked over to the table and picked up the box.  Placing it on the small coffee table in front of us as I sat down with the can of soda in my hand, I looked at Kevin and took a deep breath.  I told him, told him everything.  I started about the first time we talked on the porch before dinner the day we came out.  How we hung out the rest of the night.  Then it just kept coming, one story after another.  He never asked me a question, he just sat a listened.  When I was finished we both sat in silence, staring at the box.

 

“I can’t believe she never told me.” Kevin said quietly.

 

“Don’t read into at all dude, she wanted to, she felt bad lying to you and everyone but the longer it went on the less we wanted to tell anyone, look what happened to you and Kris.” I told him.

 

“Yeah” He said with a nod.  “Well, do you feel better?”

 

I sat there for a moment and thought about my answer.  “A weight has been lifted, yeah, but I still miss her.”

 

“Well maybe now that you’ve told me and you have someone you can go to if you need to talk about her, then maybe things will get a little better.” Kevin said with a light smile at me.

 

Better.  Things would be better if she was here.  Yeah, yeah but that’s what I felt at that moment.  That’s why I didn’t want this to happen, re-living everything, feeling everything all over again. Fuck, I really thought I had gotten through this, yes I missed her from time to time but first these dreams and now this.  My head hurts, my eyes are dry and sore, so I’m taken off and goin to bed.

 

 

 

 

>

                                    Chapter 3

March 4th 2008

I stood in the elevator, my cell phone to my ear listening to Kevin’s message, replaying his room number.  Everyone had crashed before sound check later this afternoon, so it was easy to get away.  Thank goodness too cause I fuckin suck at sneaky around, in both senses.

 

“654” I mumble as he said the number.  I looked down the halls for the room number signs.  His hallway was on the left so I headed in that direction. I looked at the numbers on the doors as I reached the end of the hallway.  I put my phone in my pocket and knocked on the door.

 

“It’s open.” I heard Kevin say from the inside.  I grabbed the knob, opened the door and walked into the room.

 

“Hey man.” Kevin said as he stood up from the couch in the room as I closed the door behind me.

 

“Hey Pops!” I said with a nod.  He walked over and hugged me.

 

“You look good.” Kevin said with that Kevin smile of his.

 

“Thanks man, so do you.” I said with a smile.  “How’s parenthood?”

 

“Amazing.” Kevin said.  “He’s getting bigger everyday.”  He gleamed as sat down at the table.  “Want a soda?” Kevin asked as he walked over to the mini bar.

 

“Sure” I said with a nod.  “So what’s up?”

 

“Nothing much, got in this morning, been relaxing.” Kevin said as he handed me a can of Pepsi.

 

“Cool but what’s with all the secrecy?” I asked him.  I opened the can and it sprayed over my hand, I looked around for a napkin, couldn’t find one.  My pants were the only thing I could think of so I whipped it quickly on them.

 

“I hear you broke up with Rachel.” He said and I looked up at him.  Here we go.

 

“Yeah” I said as I took a sip.

 

“What happened?” Kevin asked me.

 

“Lots of things.” I mumbled.  “I know you wanna see how I am but I’m fine I assure you.”

 

“And this shit I hear about the Clive Davis party?” Kevin asked me and my head shot up. 

 

“It was over by then.” I mumbled again.  “Can we not talk about this?” I asked.  My mood had gone from up to down in two minutes.  I wasn’t expecting that.

 

“I know how ya get when things like this happen and I just wanna make sure you’re ok man.” Kevin said to me.

 

“Well I am.” I said getting a little snippy.  “I guess I’m just use to it, since it always seems to be me who fucks everything up.” I said with a little tone of sarcasm.

 

“Everytime?” Kevin asked me.

 

“Fine, not every time but lately.” I sighed. “So, what else is going on with you man?” I asked hoping he would let me change the subject.  He looked at me for a moment and I wondered if he was gonna grill me again.

 

“Nothing much, got back from Kentucky a week ago.” Kevin said as he looked down at his can.

 

“Some home time.” I said with a smile.

 

“Yeah.” Kevin said as he still stared at the can.  He started spinning it around slowly.  “We got there and Mom had the place ripped apart.” He said with a laugh.

 

“Early start on spring cleaning?” I asked laughing.

 

“Yeah” Kevin said as he looked at me.  “Actually her and Jerald were cleaning out the attic.”

 

“Fun times.” I said raising my eyebrows.

 

“She was looking for all my old baby stuff, see if there was anything I wanted to give to Mason.” He said with a smile.

 

“Nice.” I said with a nod.  “Find anything good?”

 

“Yeah some things, mostly keep sakes.” He said with a shrug.  I nodded as I took another sip from my Pepsi.  “Also found some of Chelsea’s stuff.”  He said as he sat up straight.

 

“Really.” I said as I looked at the table.

 

“Yeah I guess Mom got some things after Liza died and she put them away.” Kevin said as he put his arm on the table. 

 

“Well that’s nice then, you were able to find the stuff.” I said as I played it cool.

 

“Yeah, it’s always nice to have something to remember someone by.” Kevin said.

 

“Yeah” I nodded. 

 

“So I figured you would want this.” He said as he reached down for something.  I looked at him confused and when he sat up he had a small box in his hand.  He set it down on the table. 

 

It was blue with silver metal lining the box edges; it looked like a small treasure chest.  It had a lock on the front of it and a dolphin painted across the top.

 

“Wha.” I said looking at the dolphin.  My throat went dry and I couldn’t say what I wanted to say.  “What is that?” I forced out and I quickly took another sip of my soda.

 

“It was Chelsea’s.” Kevin said as he looked at me.  I swallowed hard, the look in his eyes made my palms sweat.

 

“Why would I want it?” I asked him trying to be confused.

 

“Open it.” Kevin said to me with a light smile.  I looked at him for a moment and he nodded at the box.  I took a deep breath, trying to play it off as an uninterested sigh.  I picked up the box and pulled the open lock out from its hole and opened the small treasure chest like box.  When I opened it, I saw a clutter of objects, pictures, pieces of paper, and what look like junk.

 

“Why would I want this?” I asked playing stupid. 

 

“Fuck you’re stubborn.” Kevin sighed as he gently tilted the box back and pulled out a picture.  “There are more of them in there.”  He said as he showed me a picture of me and Chelsea, our faces touching, big smiles as we posed for the camera.  “There’s also movie stubs, and old dried out flower heads.  We were clueless she had something like this, so since you seem to be in all the pictures, we were hoping you could help us out.”  I stared at the picture.  I think it was the one of the ones we took when she came out to Florida for the first time.

 

“We knew the two of you were friends but we didn’t think you were this close of friends.” Kevin said as he looked at me and put the picture in front of me.

 

“Yeah, friends, totally friends, ya know, we both had shitty fathers, single mothers.” I said with a shrug.

 

“Holy crap that was close.” I thought to myself.

 

“Yeah that makes sense.” Kevin said with a nod.  I lightly smiled and look back down at the box.  I wondered what she had put in there, wondered what old memories that box had hidden.  “Alex?”

 

“Yeah man.” I said looking up at him.  His eyes were locked on mine; the look froze me to my chair.

 

“You two were more than friends weren’t you.” He said looking at me.  My lungs tightened and I couldn’t breath.  “I mean I look at those pictures.” He said as he pointed to them.  “Maybe everyone else sees friends but I know her and I know you and I see more.”

 

“Kevin.” I said not knowing what to say, not sure if I could, no, no I couldn’t I wasn’t ready.  My heart started racing and I put my can down.  I looked around wondering what I should do. 

 

“I mean if you two were more than friends, I’m not mad or anything, a little shocked I’m just finding out now, but not mad.” He told me.

 

“I..I..” Fuck I’m stuttering.  I needed to get out of here and I need to get out now.  I stood up and headed towards the door.

 

“Hey.” I heard Kevin say from behind me.  “Alex.”  I didn’t answer as I reached for the door, I was there, and I was on my way out.  “Alex.” Kevin said again as he grabbed my arm.  He stopped me and I tried to break free.

 

“Kevin just fuck off.” I said pulling my arm away.

 

“No” Kevin snapped at me and spun me around.  “Look at you; you’re almost  having a panic attack over this.” He said as he pointed at me.  “I told you, it’s ok, it’s not a big deal.”

 

I looked at him and for some reason I felt tired, exhausted, and I didn’t want to fight it anymore.  As I came to that decision every tear I ever fought back came pouring out and I broke down right there in front of Kevin.  I leaned on the wall, my hand over my eyes trying to get a hold of myself.

 

I felt Kevin’s hand on my shoulder.  “Let’s go sit down.” He said to me and I looked at him.  I then nodded and walked over to the couch in his hotel room.

 

I sat down on the couch and he handed me the box of tissues from the night stand.  I grabbed a couple of pieces and wiped my eyes and my nose.  I took a deep breath as my body started too calm and Kevin sat down beside me.

 

“Wow dude.” Kevin said and I heard the shock in his voice.  I laughed a little; he really didn’t have a clue.  “How many people know?”

 

“Only you.” I told him and I felt by body hesitate like it still wasn’t sure if I should go there.

 

“Me? You mean no one else knows?” Kevin asked me.

 

“Not even Ma.” I said to him.

 

“Alex.” Kevin frowned at me.

 

“We didn’t want Johnny and Donna finding out; we saw what you and Kris were going through.” I told him and another tear dropped from my eye.  “When she.” I stopped and bit me tongue.  “When she died at first I just didn’t want to upset anyone and I didn’t want people bugging me about her.  It was hard enough excepting what had happened.”

 

“Did you go over this in rehab?” He asked me.

 

“No.” I said as I lightly shook my head.

 

“So this whole time..” I cut him off.

 

“This whole time I’ve dealt with it, I didn’t do all of that shit because of her, I had other problems.” I told him.

 

“Well you’re relationships say otherwise.” He said to me.

 

“Oh so what are you now a fucking psychiatrist?” I snapped.

 

“Hey.” Kevin said putting up his arms.  I looked at him and then sighed.

 

“I’m sorry; I just didn’t see this coming.” I told him as I looked back at the box.

 

“I wouldn’t have sprung it on you this way if I had known you were going freak out like this man.” Kevin told me as I looked at him.  “How serious was it?” I quickly looked away.  “That serious huh?”

 

“Yes” I said without looking back at him.

 

“How long were the two of you together.”

 

“Over a year.” I told him.

 

“A year.” He gasped a little in shock.  “Wait, you had only known her for like a year.”

“I know.” I said as I finally looked back at him.  He stared at me a little confused. 

 

Well I guess this was it.  I guess this was the time.  I got up and walked over to the mini fridge and grabbed another Pepsi.  I then walked over to the table and picked up the box.  Placing it on the small coffee table in front of us as I sat down with the can of soda in my hand, I looked at Kevin and took a deep breath.  I told him, told him everything.  I started about the first time we talked on the porch before dinner the day we came out.  How we hung out the rest of the night.  Then it just kept coming, one story after another.  He never asked me a question, he just sat a listened.  When I was finished we both sat in silence, staring at the box.

 

“I can’t believe she never told me.” Kevin said quietly.

 

“Don’t read into at all dude, she wanted to, she felt bad lying to you and everyone but the longer it went on the less we wanted to tell anyone, look what happened to you and Kris.” I told him.

 

“Yeah” He said with a nod.  “Well, do you feel better?”

 

I sat there for a moment and thought about my answer.  “A weight has been lifted, yeah, but I still miss her.”

 

“Well maybe now that you’ve told me and you have someone you can go to if you need to talk about her, then maybe things will get a little better.” Kevin said with a light smile at me.

 

Better.  Things would be better if she was here.  Yeah, yeah but that’s what I felt at that moment.  That’s why I didn’t want this to happen, re-living everything, feeling everything all over again. Fuck, I really thought I had gotten through this, yes I missed her from time to time but first these dreams and now this.  My head hurts, my eyes are dry and sore, so I’m taken off and goin to bed.

 

 

 

 

                                   

Chapter 4

March 5th 2008

 

Well this fucking week just keeps getting better.  I woke up this morning to my cell ringing. Note to self, turn your FUCKING cell off when you go to bed dumb ass.  It was Rach, she said she wants to come down to Mexico when we get there and talk.  What do I say to that when I’m in the middle of this shit.  I dreamt about Chels last night  but this one was different it was like my mind knew I just couldn’t take anymore and all we did was lie there in bed holding each other.  Weird.  I dunno when I’ll get a chance to write again.  We have a date in South Korea, then onto Mexico, and from there I will be going home and getting ready for my Solo shows.  Until we meet again.

 

Oh wait, I almost forgot.  I opened the box.  The pictures were the ones she had taken when she was down in Florida and she had her birthday there.  Then there was the pic of us that Kevin had shown me.  The movie stub was from Star Trek: Generations. We saw that when Kevin and Kris wanted some private time.  The flowers were the ones I had picked while visiting Kevin one time.  We went for a walk down by the harbor while he went to a store near by, I picked them for her, they were blue her favorite color.  I kind of hoped the ring would have been in there but then again she was probably wearing it.  Her smile still brings one to my face.  I hope it never stops.

 

 

March 12th 2008

 

I’m sitting here in my hotel room in Mexico and I’m waiting for Rachel to call me back, I’ve been waiting for about an hour now.  Nick wants to go out so she has fifteen more minutes then I’m out the door.  I’ve been keeping busy and keeping my mind of other things by putting my shows together and putting in extra rehearsals for them, while on tour with the fellas. It’s a couple of weeks away and I’m shittin myself but still going to do it, I want too, I need too. Anyways, fuck this; I’m done waiting, I’m going out for a bit.

 

 

“Carter let’s go.” AJ said as he closed the door to his room.

 

“Sweet later suckers.” Nick said with a laugh to his two married friends.

 

“Don’t me out to late!” Brian shouted.

 

“Yes Kevin.” AJ and Nick said at the same time and then they both cracked up laughing.

 

“So did she call?” Nick asked him.

 

“Nope.” AJ said shaking his head.  Nick smirked a little with a laugh.

 

“Shit I forgot something I’ll be right back.” Nick said as he snapped his fingers.

 

“Hurry.” AJ said quickly motioning to him.  “I’ll be out front having a smoke.”

 

AJ made his way out the front doors of the hotel and reached into his hoody pocket and pulled out his pack.  He grabbed his lighter and held the cigarette in his lips.  After it was lit he inhaled it and blew out the smoke as he looked around.

 

“Excuse me?” A voice said from behind him and he turned around.  He saw an older man standing behind him.  “My name is Paul, I’m here on business I saw you come out from the lobby, my daughter is a huge fan of the group and you.” He said with a smile.  “Do you think I could get a picture with you, to take back to her? She wouldn’t believe I saw you otherwise” 

 

“Sure” AJ said with a smile.  He stepped beside the man and smiled at the phone.  He heard the click and the man pulled it away.

 

“Thank you, very nice of you, I know she’ll love it.” He said with a smile.

 

“No problem.” AJ smiled back at him.  The man said thank you once again and then walked away. 

 

Usually they had their bodyguards with them, but it was pretty late into the night so he wasn’t too worried.  He took another drag from his smoke as he looked around at the city.  It was dark out but the street was lit up by lights and he could hear the bass of the clubs near by.  He took the last drag from his smoke and then butted it out in the ash tray as he blew the smoke out.

 

“K ready.” Nick said a little out of breath.

 

“What did you forget?” AJ asked as they got into their car.

 

“My phone.” Nick said as he held it up.  AJ shook his head with a laugh.

 

“Some guy came up to me while I was waiting for you.”

 

“Do I want to know?” Nick asked as he raised an eyebrow.

 

“Fuck you.” AJ said rolling his eyes.  “He wanted to take a pic for his daughter, he was here on business.”

 

“Aww that was nice.” Nick said a little sarcastically.

 

“You’re just jealous he didn’t ask you.” AJ said nudging him.

 

“Please I don’t need to take pictures with old hairy men.” Nick shot back.

 

“Really, couldn’t tell by the last thing you dated.” AJ sighed.

 

“Shut up.” Nick said with a little pout.

 

“Oh.” AJ giggled. “Hit a nerve did I?” he said with a regal tone to his voice.  Nick didn’t say anything as he looked out the window. 

 

“So what are you doing when you get back home?” Nick asked.  “I mean besides the shows.”

 

“Relax.” AJ said with a nod.  “You?”

 

“Might go to Nashville, maybe work on some stuff with Brent in Cali.” Nick said with a  shrug.

 

“So keeping busy huh?” AJ said as he looked at him.

 

“Yup” Nick nodded.

 

The guys talked about things that had happened on tour and how things were going so far.  Before they knew it they were at the club and they both stepped out of the car.  AJ looked around as he lit a smoke.

 

“Now this is what I’m talking about.” Nick said rubbing his hands.

 

“Don’t get too shit faced I’m not caring your ass to the hotel this time.”  AJ mumbled with the smoke in his mouth.

 

“Please your ass owes me.” Nick said with a paa-lease look on his face.

 

“Touche” He said with a nod.

 

“So what are we doing first, table or girls?” Nick asked.

 

“What?” AJ asked as he blew out more smoke.

 

“Are we getting tables first or girls?” Nick asked rolling his eyes a little.

 

“I’ll get the table you and Jr can go play.” AJ said as he butted out his cigarette.

 

“Come on man at least look this time.” Nick huffed as they walked into the club.

 

“I’m good Nick really, if I see someone I dunno, we’ll see but I ain’t here too shop.” AJ said as they stopped and looked around.

 

“Fine you grab the table I’m getting a drink.” Nick said.

 

“Grab me a Dew or whatever.” AJ said before Nick walked away.  He looked around the club to find an open table.  He saw one near the corner and made his way over.  He waited for Nick to start walking through the crowd and waved him over.  As he sat down he looked around and saw some people looking at him. 

 

“Here dude.” Nick said as he handed AJ a glass.

 

“Thanks.” AJ said taking it and playing with the straw.

 

“Place seems alright.” Nick said nodding looking around.

 

“Please Howie may be a lot of things but he knows where the clubs be at.” AJ said with a smile.

 

“I still can’t wrap my head around the fact he’s married.” Nick said shaking his head.  “It truly was an end to an era.” Nick said with a sigh.

 

“It was like when Kirk died in Generations.” AJ said looking at him

 

“Or like Spock.”

 

“Spock?” AJ said looking at Nick confused.

 

“Kirk got all the chicks, even the aliens, what are you talking about Spock.” AJ said with a laugh.

 

“Yeah but Kirk looked up to Spock, Kirk use to be a playboy, when he met Spock he became the Master.” Nick said with a nod.

 

“What the fuck ever dude.” AJ said shaking his head.  “Besides, Riker is the shit hands down.”

 

“Please, he got his chick stolen by Klingon.” Nick scoffed.

 

“Hey Worf was not just any fucking Klingon.” AJ said rolling his eyes.

 

“Dude.” Nick said as he held up his hand. 

 

“Hmm?” AJ said as he took a sip of his soda.

 

“We’re fucking geeks.” Nick said with a disappointed sigh.  “We’re at a club, with all these ladies, and we’re sitting here debating who gets laid more in Star Trek.”

 

AJ started laughing as he set down his glass.  “My my how times have changed.”

 

“No shit.” Nick said as he looked out to the crowd.  “Check it, watch and learn.” Nick said as he shot back his glass of tequila and got up from the table.

 

AJ didn’t mind when people drank around him, even though others fought him on it.  He wanted his friends to have a good time.  It was his fault he let it go to far, so why should they have to adjust because they chose to be responsible with it.  Although when Rachel drank it bothered him, yeah she used breath spray and Listerine but it was more the principle. He watched as Nick walked over to a group of girls and started talking to them.

 

“To the bar in 5..4..3..2..1..” AJ said and as he hit one Nick and the girls started walking over too the bar.  “Predictable.” AJ sighed. “No creativity.”  

 

 

 

                                   

Chapter 5

March 13th 2008

 

Ok so Rachel’s not coming apparently something came up with some friends but she said she would see me at my show. That’s fine I got to much stuff going on to worry about fighting with her right now, although we didn’t fight this time on the phone.

 

AJ dropped his pen and grabbed his phone.  He looked at it before answering.  As it rang again he sighed reading the number on the phone.

 

“Hey Man what it do bitch?”

 

“What it do!” Kevin said on the other end.

 

“What it do!” He heard Kristin shout in the background.

 

“Tell her I said hello beautiful.”

 

“He says hello fugly.” Kevin said with a laugh.

 

“He did not.” AJ heard Kristin say with a smack.

 

“Ow.” Kevin mumbled.

 

“Serves ya right.” AJ sighed.  “What’s up man?”

 

“I kind of needed to talk to you about Chels.”  Kevin said.

 

“Ok.” AJ agreed reluctantly.

 

“Jerald got a call a couple of days ago, they are on her dads trail.  They called this morning and they think they have his address.”  Kevin explained.

 

“What does that have to do with me?” AJ asked.

 

“He’s in Mexico, Jerald and I are on way down with the FBI, he needed an emergency contact, so I gave him your cell, I’m not exactly sure where, I need to meet them in Mexico City and from there I dunno.”  Kevin said waiting for the fallout.

 

“Dude.” AJ said into the phone.  “Why couldn’t you just give him Brian’s?”

 

“Yeah, I can really see Rok handling an FBI matter.”  Kevin said a little sarcastically.

 

“Uh and I can? I put on woman’s clothing for shits and giggles.” AJ said getting a little upset.

 

“Alex.” Kevin said and AJ thought he was going to laugh.  “He probably won’t even need you. If it’s even his house, it’s happen hundred times before.”

 

“I dunno man.” AJ said reluctant.

 

“Please dude, it’s for Chels.” Kevin said into the phone.

 

AJ closed his eyes and sighed, that was a cheap shot.  He took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling and then looked down.  “Alright fine.”

 

“Thank you.” Kevin said and AJ could hear the smile on his face.

 

“Yeah man no problem.”

 

“So how are things? Brian said something about Rachel going down?”  Kevin asked.

 

“Something came up but she’s going to my show apparently.”  AJ said rolling his eyes a little.  It was nothing offensive it was just kind of a habit when he talked about his ex’s.

 

“Why the hell did you book it on the holiday’s I’m going to be in Kentucky.” Kevin said into his phone.

 

“Cause it was the only dates I could get for those places and I wanted to play them.” AJ said.  “I mean fuck dude the Roxy.”

 

“Yeah man it’s awesome, I’m proud of you; you’ve come a long way.”  Kevin said and AJ wondered if he was getting teary eyed.  “Anyways I need to go, I’ll try and come by and see you but if not I’ll give you a call and let you know what’s up.”

 

“Alright man, be safe.” AJ said as he sat up.

 

“I will, talk to you soon.” Kevin said and then he hung up the phone.  AJ closed his phone and sighed as he dropped it onto his bed.

 

“Lovely” He said as he pulled himself up.

 

There was a bang on his door and a roar of laughter.  He stopped and stared at  it as the people on the other side continued to laugh.  Curious he walked over to the door and opened it.  He saw Brian, LeighA, Howie, and LeighB, standing in front of him laughing hysterically.  When he looked down he saw Nick laying on the floor in front of him.

 

“What the fuck?” AJ asked looking back at the others.

 

“He tripped.” Brian gasped out. “Header, door, bam.” He said laughing harder.

 

“You tripped me you short little shit” Nick moaned getting up.

 

“I certainly did not.” Brian remarked.  “It was Howie.”

 

“What?” Howie said shocked.

 

“What do you guys want?” AJ asked finding the situation funny but he wasn’t in the mood.

 

“We’re going for a swim, wanna come?” Nick asked still rubbing his face.

 

“Yeah sure give me a few.” AJ said with a nod and then he closed his door.  He heard everyone outside crack up laughing again and Nick yelling at them to shut up.  Shaking his head with a laugh he walked over to his travel bag and opened it up.  He searched through it for his swim shorts.  When he found them he stood up and walked into the bathroom, grabbing a towel.  Walking back to the door he stopped just in front of it, he turned around and looked at his bed.  With a light sigh he walked over to it and picked up his phone.  He tucked it into his pocket and then left his room, meeting his friends outside.

 

 

“Chicken Fight!!” Nick shouted and AJ looked to the pool. 

 

He saw Howie with his wife on his shoulders and Nick with Brian on his as they stood off.  Brian and LeighB reached for each other as Baylee cracked up laughing beside him.  Sitting himself up on his arms, he continued to watch the show down.

 

“Come on Brian push her over!” Nick shouted.

 

“I’m trying.” Brian grunted as he looked down at the top of Nick’s head.  That was a mistake.  Quickly LeighB let go of one of his arms and grabbed his nipple and twisted it. “OW!” Brian shouted as he pushed her away and fell backwards into the water. AJ cracked up laughing as Howie and Leigh cheered. 

 

“What the hell dude!” Nick gasped as he popped out from the water.

 

“She cheated.” Brian said pointing at Leigh.  “Ow.” He whined again as he looked down at his injured nipple.

 

“Lame” Nick sighed as he rolled his eyes.

 

“You got beat by a girl.” AJ laughed at Nick as he stood up. Nick looked at Brian as he whined to LeighA about his injury.  He then looked back at AJ.

 

“You know dude, I’m surprised Rachel didn’t come out here.” Nick said to him.

 

“You are?” AJ said a little confused.

 

“She wouldn’t seem the type to give up a free vacation.” Nick smirked at him.

 

AJ shook his head and grabbed his towel.  “I’ll be outside.”

 

“Sometimes you can be a real asshole you know that.” LeighA snapped at Nick as AJ walked away. 

 

He walked outside and felt the sun hit him, warming him.  He laid his towel on the grass and sat down.  He looked around; there were only a couple of people outside. Lying down on this towel he stretched out and closed his eyes.  The sounds around him were hypnotizing and he felt himself drifting off to sleep.

 

“AJ!” He heard someone shout and his eyes popped open, he slowly lifted his head and saw Howie standing at the door to the pool.  “We’re leaving you coming?”

 

“Uh.” AJ said looking around.  The ones who were there when he came out were gone, it was just him.  “Yeah.” He said as he got up and grabbed his towel.

 

“Did you fall asleep?” Howie asked.

 

“Dunno what time is it?” AJ asked him.

 

“Five” Howie told him as they walked through the pool area.

 

“Then yep I fell asleep.” AJ said with a nod.

 

“After dinner Nick and I are going to the lounge, you wanna come?” Howie asked.

 

“I might stop by for a little bit.” AJ said with a shrug.

 

Same date

 

I’m getting ready for bed and it’s been an incredibly long day. I did how ever see the best concert ever courtesy of D and Nick, never heard a finer version of ‘All Night Long’ by Lionel Richie.  Kevin called said the people working on Chelsea’s case got a tip or a clue or something and they’re looking for him, here in Mexico.  Kevin is flying in to Mexico City meeting them there with his brother.  He couldn’t really tell me any thing more, I’m sure confidentiality and shit like that.  It’s been on my mind all day wondering where in the country he is.  Is he here, or is he near Mexico City.  I’ll be there in a couple of days, I wonder if Kevin knows that, I should call him when I’m done.  I hope they catch the son of a bitch and I hope he gets put away because that’s what he’s running from, he doesn’t give a fuck if he dies. Lock him up and throw away the key and he’ll go fucking stir crazy.  I don’t understand how he could hate her so much to do that to her.  Chels had so much going for her, she was being scouted by Kentucky U for their Gymnastic team at 16.  Whispers of the Olympics even although she hated it when her coaches would talk about it, she was suppose to go to the tournament that would put her in the Olympic trials, but because of him, she never got to go.  She was smart too, even if she didn’t go to KU which was extremely fucking doubtful, she could have gone anywhere.  She could talk about anything, and never really hated much.  Kevin called her an old soul.  Well I hope she has a better trip next time around.  I need to call him too before I forget, so I’m off to bed.

                                   

Chapter 6

 

Ring….ring…

 

            AJ mumbled as he turned his head in his sleep.  His arm was tucked under his pillow, his head lying on top, his blankets barely covering his naked body as he laid sleeping in his hotel room.

 

Ring….Ring…

 

            His head popped up, his eyes half opened as he looked around the room; he was confused by the noise that woke him.  Scratching his head he rolled over as the noise went off again. 

 

“Son of a bitch” He cursed realizing he had left his cell phone on again.  He crawled out of bed and walked over to his back pack.  Standing in his room stark naked he answered the phone with a yawn.  “Hello?”

 

“Alex its Kevin” Kevin said on the other end.

 

“Dude, it’s like.” He stopped and looked over at the small clock in his room.  “It’s three in the fucking morning.”

 

“I know I’m sorry but this is important.” Kevin said.

 

“Is it about Chelsea’s dad, did you find him?” AJ asked as the thought woke him up.

 

“I can’t tell you right now, but if you come here, I can fill you in.” Kevin told him.

 

“Where?” AJ asked. 

 

“In a town called Morelia, it’s about two hours north west of Mexico City.

 

“Well I’m in Guadalajara” AJ said hoping he pronounced it right.  “It’s about four hours from Mexico City.”  AJ said unsure.

 

“Call the hotel get them to get you a car, I’ll be waiting.” Kevin said.

 

“What? Wait dude what do I tell the guys?” AJ asked.

 

“I’ll handle Brian he can fill them in.” Kevin told him.

 

“Dude.” AJ said not wanting him to say anything about Chelsea.

 

“Don’t worry I won’t say anything, I’ll just say you were the only one I figured was up.” Kevin said.  AJ nodded a little at the cover, it was true, he was some what of an insomniac.  “Are you coming out?”

 

“Yeah fine alright I’ll be there as soon as I can.” AJ said looking around and what shit he needed to pack.

 

“Alright, I’ll give you the address of where I’m at just get them to take you there.” Kevin told him.  AJ walked over to the dresser and grabbed the pen and paper pad.  He then wrote down the address.  He repeated it to make sure he had it right and then they both hung up.  AJ then picked the phone back up and called the front desk.  He asked them if they could get him a car to Morelia and they told him no problem.  When he hung up the phone he got dress then walked around the room and picked up all his loose clothing and packing it up.  When he was sure he had everything, he headed out the door and towards the elevator.  He handed in his keys at the front desk since he probably wouldn’t be coming back; they had a show in Mexico City tomorrow anyways.  They told him his car would be ready in 5 minutes, so he went outside for a smoke.

 

The car rolled up and he finished his smoke as the driver took his bags.  As the driver packed his bags into the trunk AJ butted out his cigarette and opened the back door.  He crawled in and stretched his legs out.  After a minute the driver got into the front seat and AJ handed him the paper.

 

“Tómeme aquí por favor” AJ said in Spanish, which meant ‘take me here please.”

 

“Si” The driver said with a nod and AJ sat back looking out the window, wondering what the guys were going to say when they woke up in the morning.

 

It was a long drive but it didn’t bother him too much, at least he could smoke freely without people bitching.  He wasn’t sure how long it had been when they pulled up to the town of Morelia, he pulled his phone out and looked at the time, and then opened it hitting Kevin’s number on the speed dial.  The car seemed to go down the more populated streets as it made its way through the city.  There was no answer and it made him worry a little bit.  He hung up the phone and looked out the window as they turned down another well lit street.  The houses were small but the buildings were tall, many designed in a traditional Mexican style.

 

AJ looked out the front window as they pulled up to a small building and he saw two men standing out front.  When the car rolled to a stop he realized none of them were Kevin.  He climbed out of the car and closed the door as the two men approached him.

 

“Are you Alex Mclean?” The man asked with a Mexican accent.

 

“Yeah” AJ said with a light nod.

 

“Kevin is inside.” The man said pointing to the door.  AJ took the bags from the driver and paid him, then followed the men inside. 

 

As they walked down the halls and he saw the people walking around in white jackets his heart began to race.  What the hell did Kevin get himself into, what the hell happened to him.  They stopped outside of a door and the one man turned to him.

 

“Wait here please.” He said and AJ just nodded.  He stood there waiting holding his bags.  It was about a minute before anyone came out.

 

“Hey you made it.” Kevin said as AJ put down his bags.

 

“What the hell is going on?” AJ asked.  “Why are we in a hospital? Are you ok man?”

 

“Yeah I’m fine and it’s not really a hospital.” Kevin said as he looked around.

 

“Could have fooled me.”  AJ said as the door opened again and the man that went in to get Kevin came out with Jerald.

 

“Hey Alex.” Jerald said with a nod.

 

“Hi.” AJ said with a light smile.  “So what’s going?” AJ asked.

 

“Come into the room we’ll talk.” Kevin said as he turned to the door.  “Leave your bags out here Jerald can watch them.”  AJ looked at Jerald who nodded, so he put his bags down and walked over to Kevin at the door.

 

His band mate opened the door and he walked into the semi lit room.  There was a table and chairs and nothing else he could see besides two curtains on the wall.  Kevin closed the door as AJ turned around.

 

“What’s going on?” AJ asked again.

 

Kevin stood by one of the curtains as AJ stared at him.  He then grabbed the curtain and pulled it back.  AJ looked at the window that was behind the curtain, one of those cop mirrors where you can see them but they can’t see you.  There was a woman in a suit sitting at a table; she was talking to another woman who sat in the chair across the table, her legs folded up against her chest, her head resting on her knees. 

 

“What is this?” AJ asked Kevin confused but Kevin wasn’t looking at him, Kevin was looking at the timid woman sitting on the other side of the window.  AJ looked back at her as she slowly lifted her head. 

 

            She looked at the woman across from her, her body shook but AJ barely noticed as he looked at her eyes, eyes as blue as the waters of the Caribbean.  She placed her arms on the side of her head and curled in even tighter.

 

            “Kevin.” AJ choked out through the flood of emotions that was going on in his body but he couldn’t take his eyes off her.

 

            “He found out some how they were coming, they said the place looked like he just upped and left, must have missed him by minutes.”  Kevin began to speak.  “They were searching the house, clearing it and they found a small room hidden in the back.”  AJ finally broke his stare away from her and looked at Kevin; both men had tears streaming down their face. 

 

“They found her in there, chained around the ankle, and they won’t tell me what has happened to her.” Kevin said as he looked back at her.  “All they are telling me right now is she is suffering from psychological trauma.”

 

“Gee, ya fucking think” AJ said angrily.  “I gotta go see her.” AJ said as he headed to the door.

 

“No, Alex you can’t.” Kevin said lunging across the room and stopping him.

 

“What do you mean I can’t?” AJ said as he turned around.  “She’s right there Kevin, look at her.” AJ said as pointed to her. 

 

“I know Alex, I’ve been here watching her for the past 2 hours since she got out of the hospital.” Kevin said.

 

“When, when did you find her?” AJ asked.

 

“The day after I called you, I didn’t know what was going on, what was happening with her so I wanted to wait, till I knew for sure.”  Kevin said as AJ walked over to the glass.  He watched her rock back and forth on the chair as the woman gathered up her papers and stood up.

 

“I’m going to go see what that lady says.” Kevin said as Alex looked at him.  “Don’t go in there man, She saw me at the hospital and she spazzed, took them hours to get her to calm down.  I’ll be back ok?”  Kevin said.

 

“Yeah” AJ said with a nod as he looked back through the window.

 

So many questions were going through his head but the biggest one was, was this all real.  Was he still sleeping in his hotel room and he’d wake up any second.  He lifted his hand to the window as he stared at her.

 

“Don’t.” He whispered through his tears as he lightly shook his head.  “Don’t be a dream.”

 

 

 

                                    Chapter 7

 

AJ looked over at the door when he heard someone walk in.  He looked at Kevin and the woman that was in the room with Chelsea.  Quickly wiping his eyes he stepped away from the window a little bit.

 

“Alex this is Doctor Coupe, she’s with the FBI.” Kevin said as AJ looked at her.

 

“Hi Alex, nice to meet you.” She said as she reached out to shake his hand.  AJ smiled as took her hand and shook it.  “Shall we sit?”  She asked motioning to the chairs.  AJ looked back at the window, looked at Chelsea sitting in her chair at the table.

 

“She’ll be ok.” The Doctor said and he looked at her.  Even if she was a doctor he had to question that.  He sat down in the chair looking at Kevin and then looked back to the Doctor

 

“Kevin tells me you were dating Chelsea when she disappeared?” She asked.

 

“Yes.” AJ said with a nod.

 

“Did she talk to you about her Father at all?” The Doctor asked as she wrote in her book.

 

“Not a lot but she told me what happened.” AJ told her.  His body was going numb, his head was spinning, it was a lot to take in.  He looked over at the window again and saw two men helping Chelsea walk out of the room. 

 

“Where are they taking her?” AJ asked as he sat up a little.

 

“Its ok man they’re just moving her too a room where she’ll be more comfortable.” Kevin said as he took AJ’s arm.

 

“I know it’s very overwhelming, believing she has been dead for so long and now seeing her here.”  Dr. Coupe said as AJ looked at her.  “I just need to ask you a couple of more questions.”  She said as AJ sat back in his chair.

 

“Have you ever met or seen her Father?”  She asked him.

 

“No” AJ said shaking his head.  “I have no idea what he looks like.”

 

“I see” She said with a light nod as she wrote in her book again.  Her tone made AJ look at Kevin who just shrugged at him.  “She won’t talk to me, she won’t tell me what happened, by some of the evidence in the room and around the house we have a good idea of what happened, but we would still like a statement from her.”

 

“Then wait till she’s ready.” AJ said with a shrug.

 

“We think she will talk to you or Kevin but he feels it would best if you talked to her.” The Doctor told him.  “She’s been asking for you, she says she saw you with her dad.”

 

“What?” AJ said confused.  “That’s impossible.”

 

“Did anyone strange come up to you?” She asked and both AJ and Kevin looked at the lady like she was mad. 

 

“We have strange people come up to us all the time.” Kevin said as AJ nodded.

 

“But I’m sure you don’t get to many men in their late 60’s” The Doctor said to him.

 

“Well no.” AJ said shaking his head and then it hit him.  His face fell and went a pale white.  “Oh fuck.”

 

“What?” Kevin asked him.

 

“A couple of days ago in Monterrey, I was outside the hotel having a smoke and this dude came up to me, asked for a picture for his daughter.” AJ said remembering back.  “He took it with a camera phone I think.”

 

“Is this him?” She asked as she slid a picture over too him.  The man looked a little younger and the guy he remembered had a beard.  “I think, maybe a little older and with a beard.”

 

“Ok” She said with a nod writing in her book again.

 

AJ sat there looking at the Doctor as she wrote in her book.  He was becoming restless now.  His mind on Chelsea, for years he missed her, yearned for her, thinking he’d never see her again, knowing she was gone forever.  Now there were people telling him it wasn’t true, she was alive, and he saw her with his own eyes.

 

“Can I see her now?” AJ asked breaking the silence.

 

“Yes, just let me make sure she is settled in.”  Doctor Coupe said as she collected her things and left the room.

 

“What. The. Fuck. Is. Going. On.” AJ said as he looked at Kevin.

 

“I know man it’s a lot to take in.”  Kevin said as he rubbed his eyes.  “I still have to tell Mom.”

 

“Tell me this isn’t a dream Kevin.” AJ said as he looked up at him.  “Tell me I’m not going to wake up holding my fucking pillow again.”

 

Kevin looked at him almost with a little pity and then a small smile came across his face.  “You’re not dreaming. This is very real.”

 

AJ took a deep breath and it all started coming out again.  The tears started flowing as he put his head down on the table.  He tried to get his emotions under control but it was hard, he was going through all kinds of stuff right now, so many questions.

 

“What do I do when we see her?” AJ asked as he wiped his face on his sleeve.

 

“I’m not sure; I don’t know how she’s going to react.  Like I said when she saw me in the hospital it was by accident and she freaked out, fighting to get to me.”  Kevin said choking up a little as he remembered.  The door behind them opened and both guys sat up straight and looked at it with great interest, the Doctor poked her head in.

 

“Come with me.” She said with a light smile.  AJ looked at Kevin as they sat in their chairs.

 

“If you can’t do it and you need more time.” Kevin said to him.

 

“No, no.” AJ said shaking his head.  “I’m ok, besides not about me right now.”

 

Kevin lightly smiled at him as they stood up and walked over to the doctor.  They walked out of the room and waited in the hallway as Doctor Coupe closed the door.  She reached her arm out and led them down the hall.

 

AJ’s throat felt like it was closing up on him.  His mouth was dry and he could barely swallow.  He wondered how much of it was real and not him freaking out because of the situation.  When they stopped outside of two doors, he started to feel light headed and wondered if he should sit down.

 

“Are you sure I should go, I mean she’d probably talk to you too.” AJ said as he looked at Kevin.  “I mean you’re her family.”

 

“It’s alright man; Dr. Coupe said she was asking for you anyways because of that picture” Kevin told him as he put his hand on his shoulder.

 

“Kevin and I will be in that room, we need to record what she’s saying, we’ll be watching.  Just take the contact a little slow.” She said to him with a light smile.

 

“Ok.” AJ said with a nervous sigh.

 

He watched as Kevin and the Doctor walked into the other room and then looked at the one in front of him.  He still couldn’t grasp the fact she was on the other side, all he had to do was open the door but he couldn’t.  His heart raced, his breath was almost non existent; his hands were sweaty and shaky.  He closed his eyes and pulled himself together, took a deep breath and then opened the door.

 

A small sharp pain rushed through his chest and it made him gasp a little but she didn’t hear him.  She sat there on the bed looking down at her blanket.  His eyes began to water and he wiped them quickly and pushed the tears back.  He tried to say her name but nothing came out.  Taking another deep breath he got control again.  Turning around AJ closed the door and looked at her as it clicked closed, she didn’t even flinch.

 

“Chels?” AJ said as he began picking at his nails.  He watched as her head slowly came up, her eyes met his and she started to cry.  AJ walked over to her bedside, he wasn’t sure what to do.  Should he stand or sit, he wiped his hands on his pants and sat down.  “Chels?” She looked up at him and their eyes met again.  “Oh god it’s really you.” He blurted out and was surprised to see her lightly nod.

 

Not sure if he should he hesitated when he reached for her hands but only for a moment and he stared at them as he held them, felt them. Slowly he felt her fingers wrap around his hand.  She started crying a little harder and AJ swallowed hard as he looked at her.  He wanted to hold her in his arms, to hug her so bad but he didn’t want to push her. 

 

“You’re ok now Chels, you’re safe, he can’t hurt you anymore.” AJ said hoping she would look at him again.

 

“No” She said shaking her head.  “He’ll find me”

 

“No, no he won’t.” AJ said shaking his head and she finally looked at him again.  “I won’t let that happened, Kevin won’t let that happened.”

 

“You.” She stopped and she took a breath.  “You can’t promise that.”

 

“Yes I can.” AJ said as he gently squeezed her hand.  “You always felt safe with me and you still can.” 

 

Chelsea let go of AJ’s hands and slowly wrapped her arms around his back and leaned forward, lying her head on his shoulder.  He closed his eyes and he wrapped his arms around her, gently brushed his hand down the back of her hand.  They sat there silent and AJ didn’t care if he was wasting tape, he wanted this moment to never end.

 

“I thought about you every day Chels.” AJ whispered.  “One day I was talking on the phone with you and the next you were gone, forever.” Slowly AJ pulled her away and looked her in the eyes.  “Tell me what happened?”

 

“No.” She said shaking her head and she pulled herself back into his arms.

 

“Do, do you know where he went?” AJ asked her.

 

“No” She said quietly.  “He never told me anything about where we were going.”

 

“How long have you been here?”  He asked.

 

“I don’t know” She said as he felt her hand slid up his back.  It made the hair on the back of his neck stand up.  “I think a year.”

 

“What did you mean when you told the Doctor you saw me with your dad?” AJ asked her still enjoying holding her.

 

“Dad had a picture of you and him, he said he saw you, you were here in Mexico.” Chelsea explained slowly.  “He laughed that you didn’t know who he was.” It sent a feeling of great anger that her dad had played him like that.  And what would have happened if the FBI and the PI hadn’t found him, AJ would have never known.

 

“Is my mom coming?” She asked and the question made AJ freeze.

 

“Uh.” AJ said not knowing what to tell her, it hadn’t even clued into him. “No darlin’ she’s not coming.” AJ said sadly.

 

“Why?” Chelsea asked but there was a tone in her voice like she kind of knew.  Just then the door opened, it made Chelsea jump and she pulled away from him quickly.  Aj turned around and saw Kevin closing the door; he remembered then that he was being watched.

 

“Kevin?” Chelsea said looking at him.

 

“Hey girl” Kevin said smiling at her with tears in his eyes.

 

“I did see you at the hospital.” She said slowly.  AJ noticed she was having some trouble speaking.

 

“Yeah that was me, I wasn’t allowed seeing you yet.” He said as he walked over to the other side of the bed.

 

“Why isn’t my mom coming?” She asked him.  Kevin looked at AJ and then back at her.  He took a deep breath and then took her hand.

 

“Well hun your mom, she passed away about a year after they found the cottage.”  Kevin told her.

 

“What?” She said breathless. “No, Kevin?”

 

“I know hun, she..” Kevin stopped and AJ looked at him.  “She got sick, really sick, and we lost her.”  Chelsea closed her eyes and started crying.  This time AJ didn’t hesitate and he pulled her into his arms and held her.  He looked at Kevin and he could tell Kevin was hoping she would leave it at that, at least for now.

 

“I want to go home.” She said pulling away from AJ.

 

“I want to get you home.” Kevin said. “I’ll get you back to Kentucky as soon as they let me.”

 

“You’ll come to right?” She asked looking at AJ.

 

“Oh.” AJ said a little taken back.  “I can’t sweetheart.” He said with a frown.  “I’m in the middle of a tour with the group; it’s by pure luck I’m here.”

 

“But your coming?” She asked Kevin.

 

“Yeah, hun I’m not with the group anymore.” Kevin told her.  “It’s a long story, I’ll tell ya on the way home ok?”

 

“Ok.” She said still confused.  “Do you have to go then?” Chelsea asked looking at AJ.

 

“No, not right away.” He said to her as he took her hand back in his. 

 

“Why don’t you try to get some sleep” Kevin said.  She looked at him and then looked at AJ.  Chelsea said nothing as she laid back against her pillows and AJ and Kevin stood up.  Kevin grabbed her blankets and pulled them up closer too her.  AJ walked over by the door and waited.

 

“I need to make some more phone calls with Jerald.  Are you staying in here?” Kevin asked.

 

“Can I?”

 

“Yeah” Kevin said and AJ heard a light giggle in his tone.  Guess he sounded a little more enthusiastic then he meant too.  “I’ll bring your bags in.”  AJ lightly smiled as Kevin opened the door and left.  He turned around and walked over to the chair in the corner and picked it up. Carrying to the side of her bed he sat down as she slowly rolled her head and looked at him. 

 

“You don’t really wanna go to sleep do you.” He said with a little smirk.  She shook her head slowly.  “Didn’t think so” he replied as he took her hand and smiled lightly at her.

 

                                    Chapter 8

March 16th 2008

 

I sit here in a small room, in a chair across from her bed.  It’s been about 6 hours since I found out she was alive.  Chelsea is alive…  She’s sleeping, finally, in front of me.  So many things are going through my head.  New questions, old ones being answered, I start thinking about what it was like for her, and then I start thinking about what he might of done too her.  I feel like my fucking head is going to explode.  I still have my shows to do, I still have a concert with the guys tomorrow.  My life has been completely flipped upside down and I don’t know where my future is at now.  It’s weird yesterday I was pissed because of Rachel and now, well I don’t know, more new questions that I don’t know when I’m going to get the answer too.  I hate this uncertainty, the not knowing part, maybe that’s the part that always gets me into trouble.  Well fuck not this time.  I have been given a second chance that not too many people get and I’m going to take it.  No matter how much it changes me.

 

AJ looked up from his journal when he heard a whimper and looked over at Chelsea.  She was curled up on her side facing him, the look on her face made him wonder if she was having a bad dream.  He put his pen in the middle of the book and closed it as he put it back in his backpack.  Leaning over in his chair a little, he reached out and brushed the hair from her face.  Chelsea mumbled a little as her eyes fluttered open.

 

“Hi.” AJ said with a light smile on his face but her reaction was not what he was expecting.  Her face fell in horror and she pulled away from him.  “Chels?” He said confused as he reached for her.

 

“No!” She shouted as she jumped out of the bed. 

 

“Chelsea, what’s wrong?” AJ asked her as he got up and walked over to her.

 

“Get away!” She shouted again as she grabbed the chair and pushed it at him.

 

“Whoa Chels.” AJ said confused as he grabbed the chair stopping it from slamming into him.

 

“Get away!” She screamed as she ran into the wall.  Her body began to shake and she started crying hysterically as the door to her room flew open and Dr. Coupe and a couple of nurses came running in.  “Let me go, don’t touch me!” Chelsea shouted as the nurses, both males picked her up.  She was trying to kick them, trying to free herself and AJ just stood there scared.  Scared that he had done something to her and scared for her, not knowing what was wrong with her.

 

“What are you doing?” AJ asked the doctor as she walked passed him with a needle.  He felt himself get a little light headed at the sight.

 

“It’s just a sedative.” Doctor Coupe said as she pushed on the bottom of the needle and a little liquid squirted out. 

 

“Alex?” Kevin said from behind him.  AJ turned around as Kevin took his arm.

 

“What’s going on? What did I do?” AJ asked as Kevin took him out of the room.  He looked back at Chelsea still crying and he saw the Doctor put the needle in her arm.  “Oh.” AJ said looking away quickly as the door closed.

 

“You didn’t do anything.” Kevin said as AJ sat down.  “It’s called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”  AJ looked at his friend as he sat down in the chair beside him.  “Things can set her off, send her back to something that happened with her dad.”

 

“But I didn’t do anything.”

 

“I know.” Kevin said as he put his hand on AJ’s shoulder.  Just then the door opened and the Doctor came out.

 

“Is she ok?” AJ asked as he stood up.  “If I did something to do that too her.”

 

“No, no you didn’t do anything.” The Doctor said with a light smile.

 

“I told you.” Kevin said rolling his eyes a little.

 

“She was sleeping before it hit correct?” Dr. Coupe asked.

 

“Yeah, she was tossing and mumbling a bit.” AJ said to her.

 

“She was most likely dreaming and when she woke up, it trigged the episode.” The Doctor said as he closed her clip board.  “She’s been sedated; she’ll sleep it off in an hour or two.”

 

Kevin thanked the Doctor as AJ put his head in his hands and sighed.  His heart was racing a mile a minute and was now slowly coming to a normal pace.  AJ looked up when he felt someone standing over top of him and saw Kevin looking at him.

 

“Are you..” He was cut off by the sound of many feet shuffling down the hall.  They both looked in the direction the noise was coming from and a second later saw the guys come around the corner with Jerald.  AJ had forgotten about them with everything else going on.

 

“Kevin?” Brian said as they walked up too them.  “What’s going on? And why did he have to come here last night?”  Kevin looked at AJ.

 

“I’m going back into the room.” AJ said to Kevin as he stood up.  Kevin nodded at him and he headed to the door. 

 

“What’s going on?” He heard Brian say as he opened the door and walked in.  Closing the door behind him he looked at her sleeping.  Her hair was a mess, her face still damp from the sweat as she laid curled up on her side.  He bit his lip as he stared at her, his heart was breaking.  Taking a deep breath he sighed as he sat back down in the chair beside her bed.  He reached for her hand and then thought against it.  With a sigh he put his hands on his stomach and stretched his legs out.

 

“Alex?” Chelsea said her voice was weak and strained.  He looked over at her a little surprised to see her awake.  She was lying on her side, her eyes barely open but he saw a tear drip from the corner of her left eye.  “I’m sorry.” She tiredly whispered.

 

Aj turned his chair and brought it up to the side of the bed.  He gently took her hand and wiped away her tears with the other.  “It’s ok darlin’, not your fault.” He said as he brought her hand up to his lips and gently kissed it.  “Get some rest ok?”  She slowly nodded as her eyes fluttered close and AJ sat there, holding her hand, watching her fall asleep.

 

The door to her room opened and AJ looked up, he saw Kevin and the guys walking in quietly.  Brian was balling his eyes out as he looked at Chelsea sleeping.  The rest just looked like they had seen a ghost. 

 

“What’s up?” He asked as he pushed his chair away.

 

“They wanted to come in and see her, she sleeping?” Kevin asked.

 

“Yeah” AJ nodded.

 

“Good” Kevin nodded. 

 

“So are we doing this concert tonight?” Nick asked as he looked around.

 

“I think it would be a good idea to cancel we’ll come back.” Howie said with a nod.

 

“No” AJ said shaking his head lightly.  The other guys looked at him.  “We cancel people will want to know why.” He explained.  “I love them to death, but if the army get’s wind of this they’ll be all up in her face.”

 

“True.” Nick said with a nod.

 

“The less attention the better, it’s our last show before the break, we can do it.” AJ said nodding.

 

“Are you sure, wouldn’t you rather be here?” Nick asked.

 

“It’s all been a lot to take in; I think I need a break anyways.” AJ said as his band mates looked at him.

 

“We should get too the hotel in Mexico City and get checked in.” Howie said as he looked around.

 

“Yeah I need a shower.” AJ said as he looked back at Chelsea.  Everyone walked out of the room, AJ grabbed his bags as he walked out too.  They stood around in the hallway, everyone was quiet, not sure what to say. 

 

“Did you call Aunt Anne yet?” Brian asked as he clamed himself.

 

“No, we’re waiting until Tim gets there.” Kevin said.

 

“Does he know?” Brian asked.

 

“Yeah.” Kevin nodded.

 

The guys headed outside of the building, a van sat in the driveway, and as AJ’s lungs hit the open air he realized he hadn’t had a smoke in a while.  Then the craving hit him, so he reached into his pocket and pulled out his smokes as the driver took his bags.

 

“I will give you a call later.” Kevin said as he stood by AJ.

 

“My cell will be on.”  AJ said with a nod.  “Tell her I’ll be back tonight.”

 

“Tonight?” Nick said as he walked by.  “After the concert?”

 

“Yeah I’ll fly home tomorrow or something.”  AJ said with a shrug.

 

“Alright man.” Kevin said with a smile.  AJ smiled back as he butted out his cigarette and hopped into the van.

                                    Chapter 9

 

AJ walked out of the shower area, a white bath towel wrapped around his waist.  His short curly hair was dripping wet as he ran his hands through it.  The other guys were still in their showers after the concert.  AJ and Brian were leaving to go back to Chelsea right away.  Nick and Howie were hopping a plane back to Cali early tomorrow morning.  Sitting down at the chair in front of his bag he pulled out a fresh pair of jeans and a fresh clean t-shirt. 

 

With a sigh he looked at the t-shirt in his hand, his mind floating back to Chelsea.  It gave him goose bumps every time he thought about her, alive, breathing, in her bed.  He closed his eyes trying to push his feelings away but they weren’t having it.  He dropped his clothes and put his head in his hands as he started crying.  He tried to stop it, tried to stop his tears so the guys wouldn’t hear him but he couldn’t.  He was frustrated at the fact he couldn’t just scoop her up into his arms and tell her how much he missed her.  Angry at her Father for taking her and robbing them both of something special and he was scared, scared that she would never recover from this.  But yet there was also joy in his tears, joy that she was alive. 

 

“Alex?” AJ looked up when he heard Brian’s voice.  He looked at his hand on his shoulder and then looked away again.  “Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah.” AJ said sniffing as he wiped his eyes on his towel. 

 

“How come you never told us about you and Chelsea? I mean we were close at that time.” Howie said as the guys sat down beside him.

 

“Like I told Kevin, I didn’t want to, didn’t want to deal with the thousands of questions and I just wanted to keep her to myself at that point.”  AJ said with a shrug, still trying to compose himself.

 

“Maybe you should just go back to the hotel, get some rest and..” AJ interrupted Brian.

 

  “Thanks but I’m good, really.” AJ said standing up as he picked up his clothes again.  “I’ll be ready in a couple of minutes.” He said to Brian as he headed into the change rooms.

 

When he came back out the others were still in their change stalls getting dressed.  He walked over to his bag and packed the loose clothing up and zipped it closed.  Picking up his backpack he gently tossed it over his shoulder as Brian walked out brushing his hair.

 

“Might want to, you know.” AJ said motioning with his hand over his hair.  “Start doing the comb over thing.” He said as he looked at the back of Brian’s head.

 

“Screw you Mclean.” Brian snapped as AJ started laughing.

 

“I always thought I’d be bald before you.” AJ snickered as he walked over to the door.

 

“And I thought Nick’s face wouldn’t always look like that but hey what can ya do?” Brian said with a shrug.

 

“Hey, leave me out of this.” Nick scoffed as he walked out of the change room. “Ass.”

 

            “Give me a call tomorrow, lets hook something up when everyone has time.”  Howie said to AJ as they left the dressing room.

 

            “Pretty good start guys.” Nick said with a nod.

 

            “Good luck at your shows man, sorry I can’t be there.” Howie said as him and AJ hugged.

 

            “It’s cool.” AJ said with a nod. 

 

            “Hey maybe Chelsea will be well enough, she can go see it.” Nick said with a smile.

 

            “I think she’ll be spending Easter with the Richardson’s.” AJ said with a light smile.

 

            The fellas said goodbye one more time when they stopped in front of two vans in the under ground parking lot, one for Howie and Nick and one for AJ and Brian.  Rolling down the window, AJ pulled out his pack of cigarettes. 

 

            “She’s going to kick your ass.” He heard Brian say and he looked over at Brian.

 

            “Huh?” He said confused, his cigarette stuck between his lips.

 

            “Chels, when she finds out you started smoking she’s going to kick your ass, her mom smoked and she hated it.”  Brian said looking at him.

 

            “I know” AJ said as he took a drag and pulled it away from his lips.  “She’s going to kick my ass on a lot of things.” Brian lightly laughed. 

 

“Does she know about her mom?” Brian asked.

 

“Yeah” He said as he blew out the smoke.  “She asked about her last night, or this morning.” AJ said thinking.

 

“She’s got a long road ahead of her man.” Brian said with a sigh.  “Kevin said she’s freaking out and seeing shit.”

 

“Yeah” AJ said quietly, remembering back to this morning.

 

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do?” Brian asked.

 

“What do you mean?” AJ asked as he flicked his cigarette and tossed ashes out the window.

 

“Well I mean, a relationship isn’t something you should be thinking about right now.” Brian said.

 

“And who said I was?” AJ asked a little defensive.  “You really think I’m sitting here thinking, oh boy can’t wait to get back and open up that hospital gown, show her what I’ve learned over the years.” AJ said with sarcastic anger.  “I suppose me crying back there was because of a severe case of blue balls!”

 

“Alex stop.” Brian said as he raised his hand.  “That’s not what I meant.”

 

“Well enlighten me, what did you mean?” AJ scoffed.

 

“I just meant you have a lot of things coming up and I don’t know how close you two were, just what Kevin told me.” Brian said as AJ tossed his smoke out the window.

 

“I don’t plan on pushing anything.” AJ said trying to stay calm.  He knew Brian meant well but it was really starting to piss him off.  “I’m going home, double checking the rehearsal dates with the band, and then I’m either going back to Mexico or to Kentucky for a couple of days, I’ll fly back do rehearsals and then my shows.”

 

“Don’t burn yourself out.” Brian said eyeing him as they pulled off the highway towards the town of Morelia.

 

“I got so much shit going on in my head right now, there’s just too much energy for me to burn out.” AJ sighed as they turned down the private hospital’s street.

 

“Then don’t crash hard.” Brian said as they turned into the hospital.

 

“I’ll be fine.” AJ replied as the van rolled to a stop.

 

He opened the door and climbed out of the van.  He gently slapped his pants making sure his smokes were still in his pocket and closed the door.  Stretching he reached up and leaned back a little.  Sighing he dropped his hands beside him and walked around to the back of the van as the driver and Brian opened the door.

 

They took their bags and headed into the building.  When they walked in the front doors a lady at the desk looked up and smiled at them.  Brian opened the door and AJ walked into the private hallway.  The chatter of people echoed in the hallways, muffling the sound of the guys walking down the hall.  Brian opened the door to Chelsea’s room and when AJ walked in behind him he was surprise to see Chelsea sitting up in her bed talking to Kevin.  Both guys put their bags down away from the door.

 

“There they are.” Kevin said with a smile.  “How’d the show go?”

 

“Great” Brian said with a smile.  He walked over to Chelsea and gave her a hug.  “I was here this morning but you were sleeping.” Brian said with a light smile. 

 

“Hey Bri, Aunt Jackie wants you to call her, I’ll show you to the phone.” Kevin said as he pointed to the door.

 

“Alright.” Brian said with a nod.

 

“So.” AJ said as he turned to look at Chelsea.  “How are you doing?” He asked.

 

“Ok I guess.” She said with a shrug.  “Kevin said I had an episode this morning, he said I spazzed out on you.”

 

“Yeah” AJ said with a light nod as he sat down in the chair next to her bed.  “But its ok, not your fault.”

 

“I’ve been hearing that all day.”  She said with a sigh.

 

“Besides you seem like you’re doing better.” AJ said.

 

“Yeah, for now.” Chelsea said quietly.  “Until the phone rings, until someone drops something or I have another nightmare.”

 

“You’ve been through a lot Chels, it’ll pass.” AJ said as she tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.

 

“Yeah great, then everyone else will be another 13 years ahead of me.” She said and AJ caught the anger in her tone.  “I mean look at you, you’ve changed a lot.  You have tattoo’s, more earrings than I remember, and I’m sure you have a girlfriend or wife that is waiting for you to get home.”  She said as she started crying.  AJ frowned as he got up from his chair and carefully sat down beside her.  He gently pulled her hands from her face and wrapped his fingers around hers.

 

“I don’t.”  He said as he let go and wiped away her tears.  “Don’t have a wife, don’t even have a girlfriend, and yeah, I have a lot of tats, and earrings, and I’ve defiantly changed.” AJ said with a nod. He felt himself getting emotional again, his lip started to quiver.  “The past 13 years hasn’t exactly been easy for me.”  He told her.  “I didn’t tell anyone about us, actually Kevin found out a couple of weeks ago, just before he came down here.  They found a box you had with pictures and stuff in it.”

 

“You didn’t tell anyone?” She asked.  “You told your mom didn’t you?”

 

“Nope.” AJ said.  “When you died, what we had no one knew about and I wanted to keep it that way, keep you to myself.” AJ said as he looked at her hands.  “And then after that, everything just snowballed.  I found my dad who then at that point wanted to be apart of my life, not to mention all the drama that with having him in my life. I was being pulled in different directions by everyone around me to be this way, act this way and it tore me apart.”

 

“Alex.” She said sadly.

 

“I became addicted to alcohol and drugs cause I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore, I just wanted you back, so I could tell you what was going on, talk to you like I use too.”  AJ said as a tear dripped from his eye.  “Finally Kevin basically had it with me, the way I was acting, we were on tour and he ripped into me along with my hotel room doors.”  He stopped talking, remembering that night.  “I thought it was you, pushing him getting him to kick my ass.” He said with a little laugh and it made her laugh too.  AJ smiled at her, happy to see her smiling.

 

“I’ve been through a lot, some of it because of you and some of it not, but I plan on spending a lot of time filling you in.” AJ said “ and I don’t know what happened to you when you were with your dad, and if you never tell me, that’s fine but if you do, that’s cool too.” AJ said and she looked away from him.  Placing his hand on the side of her face, he turned her head to look at him.  “I know what it’s like having to pick up all the pieces and figure out how they go back together, how they fit now and it’s going to take you a long time to get your life back but I will be here whenever you need me, ok?”

 

“Ok” She said with a light nod.  He smiled at her and then slid his hands up the side of her arms, pulling her into a hug. 

 

 

 

                                    Chapter 10

 

 

March 19th 2008

 

I know it’s been a couple of days since I’ve written but things are busy.  I’m home, fuck is it good to be home.  I’m chillin on the couch right now, waiting for Eric to call me back and confirm my rehearsal dates.  MY rehearsal dates. Makes me smile.  I think things are going well with Chelsea, I haven’t talked to her or Kevin since I left Mexico.  Kevin said he would call when he found out when she could go home, well to Kentucky and the Richardson’s.  Her home was gone, almost everything she knew is gone.  Even what she knew of me. Now that I’ve had time to sit and think, I’m starting to think maybe I shouldn’t have promised her so much.  I’m 30 ready to start a long life with a family, if I can find one, and Chels, she’s trying to find a life.  I’m starting to think it’s not fare to her; I don’t want her to feel like she has too.  Can she really find herself if I’m there reminding her of the past.  And you know it really isn’t fare for me, waiting and wondering what my future would be. Like I said, I’m 30 ready to move into a whole new direction with my life.  But then I think of all the girls I’ve been with, I think of all the times I fucked up and why and it makes me miss her even yern for her, she always understood me.  Before when that would happen, it went away as fast as it entered as a thought but now, now she was alive and it was a possibility to give it another shot.  Ugh, I just keep going around in fucking circles over this.

 

The phone rang and AJ dropped his journal and pen on the coffee table and grabbed his cordless phone.  He looked at the number and saw it was Anne’s house.  He put the phone to his ear as he pressed the speak button.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Alex?” A soft voice said on the other side.

 

“Chels?” AJ said a little shocked.

 

“Yeah” She replied.

 

“Your back in Kentucky.” He said a little relived.

 

“Yes”

 

“Good good.” AJ said as he sat up, fixing his jeans.  “How are you doing?”

 

“A little better now that I’m out of Mexico.” She said as AJ sat back. 

 

“How’s Anne?” AJ asked.

 

“She’s calmed down now.” Chelsea said and he could hear her smile.  “But she won’t let me out of her site.”  AJ laughed at the comment.  He was glad to hear her joking a little and he did notice she sounded less tense.  There was a long awkward silence before Chelsea spoke again.  “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Of course darlin’” AJ said.  He waited for a reply but all he heard was her taking a breath.  “Chels?” AJ said calmly.

 

“They want me to go see my Mom.” Chelsea finally spoke.

 

“Oh” AJ said not realizing why she took so long.  “Do you want too? Do you think you’re ready?”

 

“I dunno, I mean yeah I think so, I want too but..” She stopped and he waited for her to finish.

 

“But?” AJ asked.

 

“I’m scared” She said quietly.

 

“Why?” AJ asked with a frown.

 

“What if I go there and it’s too much and I have an episode right there.” Chelsea said and he heard her voice crack a little.  “Will you come out here?”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yeah, I’d feel better if you were there with me.” Chelsea said.  “If, if you’re too busy though.” She said quickly.

 

“No, no.” AJ said as he looked at his set list.  “I have time, just let me clear up some loose ends today and I’ll fly out in the morning.”

 

“Really?” She said and he heard the relief in her voice.

 

“Yeah” AJ said with a smile. 

 

AJ sat on his couch talking on the phone with Chelsea for an hour; they mostly talked about what he was doing, his shows coming up on the weekend and his dogs Bernie and Ozzy.  They hung up when she had to go for dinner and he even heard the excitement in her voice over a home cooked meal.

 

As he stood up to get himself another cup of coffee, the phone rang again.  With a sigh he walked back over to the coffee table and picked up the phone, and answered it. 

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey Alex, its Eric.” Said the voice on the other end.

 

“Hey man, how does it look?” He asked as he returned his attention back to a fresh cup of coffee.

 

March 20th 2008

 

            I am on my way to see Chelsea.  She called yesterday asking me to come out because Kevin and his mom were taking her to see her Mothers grave site.  I couldn’t say no, I know how close they were and I know she’s going to take it hard.  Kevin still hasn’t told her why, just that her mom got sick.  I dunno what Chelsea would do if she found out her mom committed suicide because of what had happened.  Thinking your daughter was dead, thinking it was your fault, blaming yourself.

 

“What are you doing?” Kevin asked AJ as he quickly took his eyes off the road and looked at him sitting in the passenger seat.

 

“Just writing.” AJ said as he closed his journal.

 

“Told ya it was a good idea to get that thing.” Kevin said as he turned the car down a long Kentucky dirt road.

 

“You didn’t tell me too my Doctor did.” AJ said rolling his eyes.

 

“Well I agreed.” Kevin said with a light smile.  AJ chuckled as he looked out the window, it had been a long time since he had come out here, and an even longer time since he came out here to see Chelsea.

 

“So, how’s she doing?” AJ asked.

 

“She’s quiet.” Kevin said with a light sigh.  “She’ll talk to Mom, but I think she’s forcing herself too, so Mom doesn’t worry.” He said as he pulled into the long driveway.

 

“Any more episodes?

 

“Yeah.” Kevin said sadly.  “She had two on the drive home, we gave her the entire back seat hoping it would be enough but every time she fell asleep and woke up she’d freak out and we’d have to pull over.”  They got out of the car and AJ grabbed his small bag from the back of the car.  He closed the door and walked over to the front, meeting up with Kevin.  “She had one last night too; I got up helped her calm down, then mom sat up with her.” 

 

They walked up the porch steps and Kevin opened the screen door, the hinges creeked as he pulled the door. AJ reached up and grabbed the first door as Kevin opened the second wooden door.  He walked into the large open living room; it was dark at first as his reached up and took off his sun glasses.  Blinking he let his eyes adjust and then looked around the room.  The room was empty but the tv was on.

 

“I don’t wanna shout and scare her.” Kevin said as he turned to look back at AJ.  “Just put your bag down and make yourself comfortable.”

 

“K” AJ said with a nod.

 

AJ walked over to the couch and set his bag down in front of it as he sat down.  He looked around the room and noticed Anne had redecorated since the last time he was here.  The swinging door to the kitchen swung open and AJ looked over as Anne, Kevin and Chelsea came out of the kitchen.

 

“Good to see you again Alex.” Anne said with a smile as she hugged him.

 

“Good to see you too.” AJ said smiling.

 

“Kevin why don’t you get me that pot and then show Alex to his room.” Anne said as she turned around.

 

“Oh, well, I can stay in a hotel.”

 

“Don’t make her mad.” Kevin said as he headed towards the kitchen door.  “I’ll be right back.” AJ laughed and lightly shook his head as Kevin disappeared into the kitchen.

 

“Did you have a good flight?” Chelsea asked as they stood in the living room.

 

“Yeah wasn’t bad, short flights are always good.” AJ said with a light smile.

 

“Thanks for coming; I know you’re really busy.” Chelsea said as she lightly smiled at him and he felt his heart flutter.

 

“It’s no problem; I told you I would be here if you needed me.”

 

Chelsea walked over to the couch and sat down.  “Kevin has some lock on the tv so I don’t turn on the news and see something that will set me off.  I gotta say, cartoons now, suck.”  AJ started laughing as he shook his head.

 

“You haven’t seen the right ones.” He said as he took the remote from her.  He flipped to a channel and the screen was black.

 

“See it’s locked.” Chelsea said.

 

“One sec.” AJ said as he punched in some numbers.  When he hit enter the screen flickered and a cartoon popped up.

 

“How did you know?” She asked him.

 

“It’s Kev.” AJ shrugged.  “He can’t change his passwords that often or he forgets them.”  Chelsea smiled as she looked at the tv.

 

“So what’s this?”

 

“South Park.”  AJ said with a smile.  “And the Simpsons are still around.”

 

“Really?” Chelsea said shocked.  “Thank god.”

 

“Yeah.” AJ said with a nod.

 

“Eh, screw you guys I’m goin home.” Cartman shouted at his friends.

 

“See ya fat ass.” Kyle said and the other characters cracked up laughing as AJ and Chelsea started laughing.

 

“Shut up Kyle, don’t make meh sing the song.” Cartman said with a laugh

 

“Shut up fat ass!” Kyle yelled back.  As Cartman began to sing the Kyle’s Mom is a Big Fat Bitch song and Chelsea and AJ started laughing harder, Kevin came out of the kitchen.  They both looked up at him as he stared at the tv, there laughter calming as they saw the look on his face.

 

“Really Alex South Park?” Kevin said looking at him.

 

 

 

                                    Chapter 11

 

AJ sat on the single bed in the small bedroom, the box Kevin had given him in his hands.  Getting up from the bed AJ walked over to the door and opened it.  He then walked down the hallway, to the room next to his and lightly knocked on Chelsea’s door.  He heard the light thumps of someone walking across a wooden floor and then the door opened.

 

“Hi.” Chelsea said as she pulled back the door.  She was wearing a pair of stone washed jeans and Kevin’s Kentucky WildCats sweater.

 

“Does he know you have that?” AJ said pointing to the sweater.

 

“Yes He gave it to me.” She lightly laughed.  “What’s that?”

 

“This” AJ said holding up the box.  “Is what Kevin gave to me.”

 

“My dolphin box.” She said with a smile as she took it from him and walked over to her bed.  He laughed to himself when she opened it and dumped it on the bed.  Remembering back to when he had finally brought himself to open it, taking the utmost care with it, taking piece by piece out and looking at it.  Yet here she was, everything sprawled out on her bed.  “Oh I remember when we took this picture; there were like 5 others with your face cut out.” She said as she started to laugh.

 

“Well things are much easier now.” AJ said as he sat down.  “They have little screens in the back.”

 

“Wow” Chelsea said as she looked at him.

 

“A lot has happened with technology and music’s taken a big hit from it.” AJ said.

 

“How come?” She asked.

 

“Online downloading.” AJ said.  “People get a computer program you upload songs that you burn to your computer, then you can share them with people, lots and lots of people.” AJ said nodding. “Many stopped buying cd’s all together; it’s all about MP3’s now.”  She looked at him confused and then shook her head.

 

“Sorry I’m over whelming you.” AJ said as she looked back down at the picture.

 

“No” She said shaking her head.  “Actually it’s nice; everyone else is treating me like I’m 16.”  She said as she raised her eyebrows lightly.  “And I know to them, I guess I kind of am, but I wasn’t dead, I didn’t forget, there’s still 13 years of my life.”  She put the picture down and looked at him.  “I’m not a teenager anymore; even if I was I wouldn’t think like a teenager, not after what I’ve been through.” 

 

“I went out front today, tried a cartwheel and fell.  I fell doing a cartwheel Alex, because I was cooped up in a stupid room, I can’t touch my toes anymore, not that it would matter, I’m 30 way beyond any kind of career in Gymnastics.”

 

“Doing Gymnastics yeah but you always said you would teach it, open your own studio.” AJ said.

 

“Yeah well that was before I missed the tournament, the trials, the Olympics, University.” She replied with a sigh.  AJ was about to say something when there was a knock at her bedroom door and she got up to answer it.

 

“Are you ready?” Kevin asked.

 

“Yeah” She said turning to AJ.  He stood up and walked over to the door and then they both followed Kevin down the hall.  They met up with Anne as she put her jacket on in the livingroom.

 

“If you need to go for a smoke go now man.” Kevin said as he grabbed his jacket.  AJ’s face squished up and he slowly turned his head to look at Chelsea. 

 

“Don’t look at me like that, like I couldn’t smell it on you in the hospital.” She said as she lightly rolled her eyes and walked to the closet.

 

“I’ll be outside.” AJ said looking at Kevin as his band mate giggled at him.

 

AJ walked outside and carefully closed the screen door behind him. He reached in and grabbed the smokes from his hoody and pulled a cigarette out.  As he lit it he thought about the last smoke he had, when he got off the plane here, and he was kind of proud he went so long without one.  When he took a drag and blew the smoke out his whole body relaxed and he sighed. 

 

When the screen door opened he looked behind him and saw Kevin coming out.  “What’s up?” AJ asked.

 

“Nothing, Chelsea said she needed to grab something.” Kevin said with a shrug.

 

“Is she mad?” AJ asked.

 

“About the smoking?” Kevin asked as AJ nodded.  “I think if she was really pissed about it she would have said something in the hospital.”

 

“Alright boys lets go.” Anne said as she walked out of the door.  AJ butted his smoke out on his shoe and then carried down to the end of the drive, throwing it out in the garbage pale.  He then got into the back of Kevin’s car, sitting beside Chelsea on the passenger side.

 

“When are Kris and the baby coming?” Chelsea asked as they pulled out of the drive way.

 

“Tomorrow.” Kevin said as he watched out the back window while he backed up.

 

“Have you seen him yet?” AJ asked.

 

“Just a picture.” Chelsea said with a shrug.

 

“Well that’s more than his loyal fans who paid for this car and his house and his kids college fund has.”  AJ said as he eyed Kevin.

 

“Dude shut up.” Kevin said rolling his eyes.

 

“Kevin.” Anne sighed.

 

“Sorry.” Kevin apologized as they turned off of their house street.

 

“You could post something on you’re My Space.”  AJ told him.

 

“What’s Your Space?” Chelsea asked him.  AJ and Kevin started laughing.

 

“It’s My Space darlin” AJ said still laughing a little.

 

“Well I know its yours but what is it exactly?” She asked.  AJ started laughing harder. 

 

“It’s something that’s on the internet hun.” Anne told her as the guys continued to laugh.  “You put your information on it, talk to friends, post pictures and videos, it’s called My Space.”

 

Ooh.” Chelsea said nodding. 

 

“Wow mom.” Kevin said calming himself. “I’m impressed.”

 

“Yeah me too.” AJ nodded.

 

“Well Alex sweety I’m sure you know more about My Space than I do.” Anne replied as she quickly looked back at him.

 

“Oh.” Kevin said as he started laughing.

 

“Dude.” AJ said looking at Kevin knowing there was only one way she would know about his My Space antics. 

 

“You use it too?” Chelsea asked.

 

“Use too.” AJ said quickly.

 

“What about for your solo?” Kevin asked as he stopped at a light.

 

“Chris or Eric will do it.”  AJ said with a shrug.  “But it’ll be a music site.”

 

“Should have been one all along.” Kevin said eyeing him in the review mirror.  AJ shot Kevin a shut up look and then looked at Chelsea who was looking out her window.

 

“Your shows are this weekend correct?” Anne asked AJ.

 

“Yep.” AJ said with a smile.  “House of Blues on Sunday and Roxy’s on Monday.”

 

“Nice.” Kevin said with a nod.

 

“Are you nervous?” Chelsea asked.

 

“Terrified is more like it.” AJ said with a light laugh.

 

“I’m sure you’ll be great.” Chelsea said as she patted his leg.

 

AJ was looking out his window when they pulled up to the cemetery and when they drove through the gates, he looked over at Chelsea.  She was looking out the window, looking around the graveyard.  Kevin drove to the north east side and as they  pulled up the road along the bottom of a hill; they saw black cars and cop cars littering the road.

 

“What’s going on?” Anne asked.

 

“I dunno.” Kevin said as he undid his seat belt.  “Stay here I’ll go check.”

 

AJ watched as Kevin got out of the car and walked over to one of the men standing by a black car.  He shook the man’s hand and then proceeded to talk to him.  A couple of minutes later Kevin walked back over to the car.

 

“What are they doing?” She asked as Kevin got back into the car.

 

“There exhuming the gravesite.” Kevin said as he looked at him Mom and then to Chelsea.  “They want to run some new DNA tests see if they can figure out who was in the cabin.”

 

“Oh.” Chelsea said as AJ looked at her.

 

“We can come back tomorrow.” Kevin said as he turned around.

 

“No.” Chelsea said quickly.  “I want to go see, her.” Chelsea said.

 

“Chels, there not going to let you up there, they have everything blocked off.”  Kevin said as he turned back around.  “They don’t want us interfering with the investigation.”

 

“Screw the investigation I wanna see my Mom.” Chelsea said getting angry.

 

“Chels sweety you need to calm down.” Anne said as she turned around in her seat.  Chelsea said nothing as she looked out the window.

 

The ride home was pretty quiet only AJ and Kevin talking here and there about the guys tour and about the new album.  Chelsea was the first one out of the car and she didn’t even say Hello to Jerald as he stood on the porch holding the door open.

 

“What’s wrong?” He asked as AJ, Kevin and Anne walked up to the porch.

 

“I’ll go talk to her.” AJ said as he walked into the house and headed to the kitchen as the swinging doors whooshed back and forth.  Kevin began to tell Jerald about the road block at the cemetery.  When AJ walked through the kitchen door, he saw the back porch door slam close.  He stopped at the screen door and saw her heading across the back lawn, towards the trail to the blue grass fields.  Opening the door he took off down the porch stairs and ran across the backyard.

 

“Chels!” AJ shouted as she disappeared into the bushes.  He ran down the trail and stopped when he came out to the field.  “Chels?” He said as he walked up to her a little out of breath and sat down beside her.

 

“That’s what you get for smoking.” She said as she looked at him from the corner of her eye.

 

“You shouldn’t take off by yourself.” AJ said

 

“I needed some air.” Chelsea replied.

 

“Then stay in the backyard.”  AJ told her.

 

“Whatever Alex.” She snapped rolling her eyes.

 

“Hey I know your upset about not being able to see your Mom.”

 

“See your Mom.” She interrupted him as she laughed a little.  “That sounded so stupid when I said that back in the car, see my Mom, what is there to see, a piece of stone and grass?” AJ wanted to say something but he couldn’t.  “How are those going to tell me its ok, how are they going to make me feel safe?”  He looked at her as she wiped her eyes, she was crying but nothing in hysterics.  “I have all these people around me who are so happy to have me back in their lives but I still feel like I’m back in my room, chained and alone.”

 

She wiped her eyes again and then looked at AJ.  “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”  He looked at her, his heart felt like it was breaking; he didn’t want her to be alone.  He felt his body slowly moving forward, his hand moving upward towards her face as he leaned in ready to kiss her.

 

“Chels?” Kevin said from behind them and they both turned and looked.  “Are you ok?”

 

“Yes Kevin” She sighed as she stood up.  AJ got up as she walked past Kevin and disappeared into the bushes.  He looked at Kevin as Kevin turned his attention to AJ.

 

“Dinners ready.” Kevin said with a nod.  He looked at AJ as his friend stared at him.  “What?”  He asked confused.

 

“Nothing” AJ sighed as he started walking towards the path.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3

                                    Chapter 12

 

AJ took a sip of his Coffee as he sat with Kevin at the dinning room table.  Anne and Chelsea were at the counter doing the last of the dinner dishes.  When Chelsea put away the last pan, she folded up the towel, hung it up, and headed up the backstairs. 

 

“I’m going to go watch the news.” Anne said as she smiled lightly at the boys and went into the living room.  As AJ took another sip of his coffee he looked over at Kevin who was staring into his cup.

 

“What’s up man?” AJ asked as he put his cup down.

 

“Just worried about her.” Kevin said not moving his eyes.  “I don’t know what to do for her, I know she’s been through a lot so I want to give her, her space but I’m just so glad she’s here I don’t wanna let her outta my sight.”

 

“I know.” AJ said with a light sigh.

 

“What do you mean?” Kevin asked.

 

“I wanna be there for her I do Kev but..” He stopped.

 

“But?” Kevin said waiting for him to finish.

 

“I’m really busy and when the guys start touring again I can’t just drop everything and fly out here.” AJ said sadly.  “and I hate myself for having to do it, because last week I would of given anything for this and I feel like I’m not thankful for it or that I don’t care.”  AJ put down his cup and ran his fingers through his hair.  “I do care, I care a lot about her, I dunno I keep going around in circles.”

 

“Here” Kevin said taking his keys out of his jean pocket.  “Take my car go for a drive with her, she’s talking to you the most anyways, maybe you both can help each other figure shit out.”

 

AJ drank down the last of his coffee and took the keys from Kevin.  He then jogged up the back stairs and headed to Chelsea’s room.  When he approached it, he lightly knocked and waited for a reply.

 

“It’s open.” He heard her say on the other side.  Opening the door AJ poked his head into the room and saw her sitting on her bed looking at the stuff in the box.

 

“Hey” He said as she looked up at him.

 

“What’s up?” She asked.

 

“Dad loaned me the car wanna go for a drive.” He said with a goofy preppy smile wiggling the keys.

 

“No thanks.” She said shaking her head.

 

“Chels.” AJ frowned as he tilted his head a little, she sighed looking at him, and he stuck out his bottom lip.

 

“Where are we going?” She asked as she closed the box and got up from her bed.

 

“I dunno” AJ said as he stepped into the hallway and she closed the door.

 

They walked down the stairs into the living room and saw Kevin and Anne sitting on the couch watching the local news.  Chelsea walked over to the closet and grabbed both their jackets.

 

“We’re heading out now.” AJ said to Kevin.

 

“Ok.” Kevin said with a light smile.  “Someone will be up.”

 

“Ok.” AJ said throwing his jacket on.  “See ya later.”

 

“Bye” Chelsea said as she put on her jacket.

 

They both headed out of the door and walked to Kevin’s car.  When they were both safely in the car, AJ started the engine and backed out of the driveway.  He drove down the dirt road, the car lights shining off the stones on the road, it was dark but the sky wasn’t black yet, it was more of a dark blue as the last piece of sun slipped away.

 

They stopped at an intersection and AJ looked over at her.  She was sitting in the passenger seat, her hands between her knees as she looked up at the trees.  It sent a weird feeling through him, he didn’t know what it was, but he just thought it was strange sitting there in a car with her beside him.

 

“Alex?” Chelsea said looking at him.

 

“Huh?” AJ said and then looked back to the road. “Oh.” He lightly gasped as he realized the car was just sitting there.

 

“Where did you go?” She asked with a light laugh.

 

“It just kind of hit me funny, us in a car together, we always use too bitch about how we couldn’t go any where.”  He said with a light smile.

 

“Always having to come up with lame excuses on where we were going.”

 

“PeeWee’s Big Adventure at the cheap theatre.” AJ said as he looked at her quickly.

 

“Out off all the movies that one was the only flick you could think off.” Chelsea said laughing.

 

“He caught me off guard, I told you that before.” AJ said as he turned down another dirt road.  “We both thought he had already left with Howie.”

 

“Have you decided where we’re going yet?” Chelsea asked.

 

“Wanna drive through the cemetery see if they’re gone, we can sneak up there?” He asked as he looked over at her and then back to the road ahead of them.

 

“Yeah” She said nodding lightly.

 

“Ok” AJ said with a light smile as he looked at her quickly again.

 

Hoping his memory served him well; he followed the road until he reached the next intersection and turned left.  The car was pretty quiet as they headed down the road, only a few houses lined the street, the lights shining brightly on the road below.  When he turned into the graveyard he was glad to see the gates were open and he pulled right in.  He drove the car to the north east corner of the cemetery and parked by the hill.  All the cars that were there before and all the people with it were gone.

 

“Looks clear.” AJ said looking out the front window.  “Let’s go.” They both unbuckled their seat belts and got out of the car, closing the car doors quietly. 

 

“Any time you want to go,  just let me know, we can always come back.” He told her as they walked up the hill.

 

When they got to the top they saw a big pile of dirt lying by one of the plots.  He looked down quickly when he felt something touch his hand; it was Chelsea, slipping her fingers through his.

 

“Was she put beside mine?” She asked as they walked respectfully between the gravesites.

 

“Yeah” AJ said as they got closer to the pile of dirt.  “Here” AJ said as he stopped in front of a grey marble tombstone.

 

Chelsea didn’t say anything as she let go of his hand and walked over to the large stone at the head of the grave.  She knelt down beside it and ran her fingers over the name carved into it. 

 

“Back home with her baby girl.” She read the inscription and a second later she started crying.  AJ knelt down beside her and put his hand on her back.

 

“How?” Chelsea asked as she tried to calm herself.

 

“How what?” AJ asked her.

 

“How did she get sick?” Chelsea asked.  AJ looked at her, he didn’t know what to say, how to say it.  Sitting down on the grass he took her hands and got her to sit down too.

 

“I’m going to tell you something because I think you need to know now instead of finding out later.”  He said she wiped her eyes.  “Your Mom didn’t get sick, Kevin told you that because he didn’t want you to know the real reason, not yet anyways.”

 

“Which was?” Chelsea asked.

 

“She wasn’t the same after you disappeared.  She blamed herself for not being on time, for being late on picking you up.”  AJ told her.  “I think she just got tired of the guilt and just missed you too much.”

 

“You mean she killed herself?” Chelsea said stunned.  “Because of me?” She started crying again and AJ pulled her into his arms.

 

“Not because of you Chels, if anything it was because of your dad and him taking you away from her, she thought you were dead, she thought it was her fault.”  He told her as she held on to him tightly.  They both sat there, Chelsea’s head resting on AJ’s shoulder.  He wasn’t sure how long he sat there holding her but eventually she stopped crying.

 

“I want to go.” She said still holding him.

 

“Alright” AJ replied as he took her by the arms and pulled her away.  They stood up and headed down the hill, AJ walked over to the passenger side with her and opened her door, then went over to the driver’s side.  He got in, buckled up and started the car.

 

“I don’t want to go back to Anne’s.” Chelsea said as they pulled up to the cemetery gates.

 

“Where did you want to go?”  He asked as he stopped at the end of the driveway.

 

“I dunno just not there.” She said as she scratched the back of her head and looked out her window.

 

“Ok” AJ nodded as he pulled the car out and headed back into the city.  AJ was concentrating on the signs, finding his way back into the town when Chelsea broke the silence.

 

“Do you still love me?” She asked as she looked at him.

 

Out of reaction and extreme shock to the question AJ slammed on the breaks and they both jerked forward.  AJ sat there his hands on the stirring wheel looking straight ahead.  He then slowly turned his head and looked at her, the words not coming to his lips.

 

“I’ll take that as a no?” She said as she frowned a little.  “I mean not like I expected you too or anything, it’s been 13 years, we were 16 probably wasn’t even real love.”

 

“How can you say that?” AJ said as his eyebrows frowned a little.  “What we felt for each other, what we had, I have no doubt it was real, and the heart ache and pain I went through when your dad took you was very real.” AJ said as he slammed the car into park.  “The nights I cried my ass to sleep, thinking about what you went through, drinking my self into a stooper in hopes I’d see you and would get too say goodbye.” She looked at him stunned; his tone was getting angry with her.

 

“Ok, sorry.” Chelsea said as she sat back in the seat.  AJ looked out the front window and stared at the road.

 

“What made you ask that question anyways?” He asked as he looked back to her.  Chelsea looked at him and then looked back out the front window.

 

“You’re all I have left.”  She said quietly.  “I know I have Kevin, Anne and the rest of the family but it’s not the same.”  Thinking about her words she spoke again.  “When I was with my dad as much as I fantasized about someone finding me and coming back to you, I knew it wasn’t going to happened, that you would have moved on with your life, but I always thought I would have Mom to help me get over it. Now I don’t, and I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Kevin and the boys want me to go to all these doctors; they want me to talk about what happened.  But I don’t see the point, I lived in a room chained to the floor, I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to go back there, I want to move forward, I want my life back.”  She wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her sweater.  “I want you back.”

 

AJ sat there a little stunned he didn’t see this conversation coming, at least not for a while yet and he sure as hell didn’t expect her to be so truthful.  But then again she was always like that with him.

 

“Let’s get out of the middle of the road and we’ll find some place private to talk.” AJ said as his hand slid across her shoulder.  She lightly nodded and he returned his attention to the road, putting the car into drive and heading into the city.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                    Chapter 13

 

 

AJ could hear someone calling him but he wasn’t sure where it was coming from.  Slowly he opened his eyes and the blurry image of a person in front of him started to come into focus.  It was Chelsea and he smiled tiredly at her.

 

“Hey” He mumbled.

 

“Alex we fell asleep and your phone is ringing” She said as she sat up.

 

“Huh?” He said confused as he looked around.  He saw the dresser, the TV sitting in the TV cupboard, and the small coffee table in front of them.  As he sat up he remembered they had come to a hotel, got a room, ordered food and started talking, they must have fallen asleep on couch. 

 

His phone rang again and he reached into his pocket and pulled it out.  Looking at the name that came up on the display, he frowned when he saw it was Kevin.  With a sigh he flipped his phone open and answered the call.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Where the hell are you?” Kevin said anxiously.

 

“Relax dude, we just went to a hotel to talk, had something to eat and we fell asleep, we’re on our way now ok?” AJ said as Chelsea got up from the couch.

 

“Just get here.” Kevin said with a sigh and then hung up the phone.

 

“What time is it?” AJ asked as Chelsea handed him his hoody.

 

“Almost 2 am” She replied as she held the door open for him.  He grabbed the key card and walked out of the room.  They hurried down the hall and took the elevator down to the hotel lobby.  AJ handed over the key card, checked out of the room and then walked Chelsea to Kevin’s car.

 

“Are you sure about what we talked about, your going to have one hell of a fight on your hands.” AJ said as they turned onto the road leading out of the city to Anne’s place.

 

“Yes.” Chelsea said as he quickly looked at her.  “As long as you’re ok with it.”

 

“The only one I’m worried about is Kevin and Anne, if they’re fine with it, then I don’t care what the other two have to say.” AJ said with a light smile.  Chelsea lightly smiled back at him as he looked back towards the road.

 

It wasn’t long until they pulled into the Richardson driveway and they both saw Kevin sitting on the front porch.  Chelsea flashed him a ‘here we go’ smile and climbed out of the front seat.

 

“I need you to go inside and talk to mom.” Kevin said to Chelsea as they walked up to him.

 

“She’s not mad is she?” Chelsea asked.

 

“No.” Kevin shook his head.  “She just wants to see you.”  Chelsea lightly nodded and AJ watched her leave the porch and walk into the house.

 

“I hope you’re not to mad, we went somewhere private to talk and I guess we fell asleep.”

 

“Naw dude I’m not mad, I knew she was ok.” Kevin said as he sat down on the swing.

 

“Then why do you have that look on your face.” AJ said as he stood where he was.

 

“Tim and Jerald are the ones that are mad.  They’re mad that Mom and I let her go out with you.”

 

“What? Why?” AJ asked confused.

 

“They’re worried that because of everything she’s been through, she’ll attach herself to you.”

 

“So..” AJ said with a light shrug.

 

“They’re worried you’re going to hurt her.” Kevin said looking at him.

 

“Hurt her how?” but as he said the words his memories of past girlfriends flashed through his mind.  “That’s not fare.” AJ said defensively.

 

“They have a point man.” Kevin said.  AJ stared at him, dumb founded.

 

“Ok first again not fare, second, she’s different.” AJ said pointing back to the house.  “And third who says that anything is going to happen?”

 

“You don’t want it too?” Kevin asked.

 

“Well..” But before he could say anything a loud banging sound was heard from inside the house, then some yelling.  Kevin and AJ stopped their conversation and headed into the house.

 

“What’s going on?” Kevin asked.

 

“This, this is your fault.” Tim said pointing to AJ.

 

“Me, what the hell did I do?” AJ explained shock.

 

“You put those idea’s into her head.” Jerald snapped.

 

“Idea’s, what idea?” Kevin asked.

 

“What are you talking about?” AJ said still confused.

 

“The idea of her going to California to live with you?” Tim shouted.

 

“What?” Kevin said looking at AJ.

 

“Whoa whoa whoa.” AJ said throwing up his hands.  “She’s not going to be living with me.” AJ explained.  “She wants to go for the week, see my shows, hang out relax and not think about what she’s been through, what’s so wrong with that?”

 

“Nothing, but when you’re trying to get into her pants.” Tim snapped.

 

“Hey!” Kevin shouted to Tim.

 

“Fuck you asshole.” AJ snapped at Tim.

 

“HEY!” Kevin shouted snapping his head to AJ.  “And you.” He said looking at Tim. “Need to back off, she was the one that wanted him out here, remember?”

 

“No I’m not, I am sorry Kevin but I will not stand here and let him lead her on.” Tim said pointing to AJ.  “Sure she wants him out here, the last thing she knows is what they had when she was 16 but he is supposed to be mature enough to not go there.” AJ sighed, then he laughed lightly. 

 

“oh, now he’s laughing.” Jerald said as he sat back in his chair.

 

“You’re fucking right I am.” AJ said as he looked at Kevin and his brothers. 

 

“Alex.” Kevin said towards the swearing.

 

“You’re mom’s not here.” AJ said quickly, and then he looked back at Kevin’s two brothers.  “You two sit there and judge me all you want,  everyone is always thinking they fucking know what’s going on with me, it’s nothing new too me but I will not tolerate you acting like I’m here to get laid.”

 

“Do I care about her? Yes. I am here because she asked me to be here, not you, not Anne, and not Kevin, it was her.  None of us know what she went through; none of us do, so for right now, I’m willing to let her decide what she wants to do.”

 

“She needs to be with doctors.” Jerald said.

 

“Really? What are they going to tell her, what are they going to do for her? They can’t erase her memory.”  AJ said angrily.  “They can’t make the past 13 years just go away, she was locked in a room alone, going from state to state, house to house, god knows what else, you’re not going to be able to fix this over night.”

 

“Where is she now?” Kevin asked.

 

“She took off into the kitchen, mom went after her.” Jerald nodded to the kitchen door.

 

“You need to go back to Cali alone.” Tim said standing up and walking over to the front window.  “She doesn’t know what she wants, she’s confused, and she’s been through so much, she needs to be with doctors so she can move past this.”

 

“What about you Alex?” Jerald said and AJ looked at him.  “Can you really handle all of this, you have so much going on, your shows, the group, you’re solo, this week she got lucky but in a month can you just drop everything and come out here?”

 

“No.” AJ said. “But we also don’t know how she’s going to be in a month either. Look I really don’t care what any of you have to say to me, for me right now, it’s about her, and she told me she doesn’t want to go to the doctors yet, so I’m not pushing her.”

 

“Did she tell you this tonight while you two talked?” Tim asked sarcastically. “It seems she was pretty open with you, were you as open with her?”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“Well did you tell her about your drinking, the drugs.”

 

“Tim.” AJ heard Kevin say.

 

“The od’s, the woman, the woman you hurt.” Tim continued ignoring Kevin.

 

“Tim.” Kevin said sternly and it distracted AJ enough that he looked at him

 

“The people you hurt, Kevin included.” Tim said.  “Does she know how many times you’ve actually cheated on the woman you loved?” Tim said putting up his fingers and making a quoting motion. “You probably cheated on her when you were 16.”

 

“Timothy!” Anne said angrily and it made everyone but Kevin jump.  AJ looked over to the kitchen door and saw Anne and Chelsea standing there staring at Tim.  He knew now why Kevin was trying to get him to shut up.  “I expected better of you, now you and Jerald into the kitchen, Kevin you and I are going upstairs.”

 

“What? I’m not done..” Tim was interrupted.

 

“You are now.” Anne said angrily too him.  “Now get.” She snapped throwing her arm out to the kitchen door and AJ watched two grown men turn into 5 year olds as their mother punished them.  When the two were in the kitchen Anne headed up the stairs and Kevin followed behind her.

 

“Well that went well.” AJ sighed as he sat on the couch.  He looked up when Chelsea walked passed him and sat on the couch next to him.

 

“I’m going to stay here.” Chelsea said quietly.

 

“Is this what you want?” AJ asked wondering if all of this was the reason for her changing her mind.

 

“No” She said quietly.  “But maybe I don’t know what I want; maybe I don’t know what is best for me right now.”

 

“Chels.” AJ said not really sure what to say.

 

“You should get some sleep, only a couple of hours before you have to leave.” She said as she stood up.  “Thanks for coming out.”

 

“I can stay up, I prefer to sleep on the plane, less time spent thinking about crashing.” He said trying to joke a little.

 

“It’s ok, I need to get up with Anne in the morning, we’re going to the University Medical Center.”

 

“Wait Chels, if you don’t want..” She turned around and stopped him.

 

“It’s ok Alex really.” She said with a light smile but he knew that smile, it was her I’ll just deal with it smile.  “Good luck at your shows, or break a leg, or whatever they say.” She smiled and then headed into the kitchen.  He heard her go up the back stairs and sighed as he sat down on the couch.  When he heard a creek from the stairs in the living room he looked up and saw Kevin walking down.

 

“Are you ok?” Kevin asked.

 

“No, no I’m not.” AJ said.  “You guys are making her do something she doesn’t want to do.”

 

“She may not want to Alex but she needs to.” Kevin said.

 

“But right now, tomorrow?” AJ asked.  “Can’t you guys give her some time?”

 

“The FBI doctors said the sooner she gets it out the better.”

 

“That doctor is not Chelsea; I don’t see how making her go over everything, talk about everything, relive everything is going to help her right now. I’m not saying never ever and I know she’s not either, she’s just saying not right now.” AJ snapped.

 

“Are you mad that we’re making her go to the University or are you mad she’s not going to Cali?” Kevin asked.  AJ sat staring at the carpet, Kevin’s words playing in his head.

 

            “She is going through some major shit Kevin, the last thing that’s going to help her is being pushed into something she doesn’t want to do.” AJ said as he stood up and walked over to the stairs, he then stopped and looked back at Kevin.  “And that, that is something I know a little bit about but whatever man, I’ll go back to Cali, I’ll go do my shows, I’ll sleep around, and I’ll be what ever it is people think I am.” He said as he turned back around and walked up the stairs. “No better than the fucking fans sometimes.” He mumbled up the stairs.

 

 

 

                                    Chapter 14

 

March 23rd 2008,

 

            Tonight is the night; tonight I play the House of Blues in Anaheim.  I should be stoked but I’m not, well I am, I mean its HOB, and it’s just me, but ever since I left Kentucky I find myself distracted.  I can’t stop worrying about Chels, I haven’t heard from her at all since I left and our goodbye was well, I dunno it was weird.  Last week I probably would have thought they were right, but that night she talked to me, the night she told me what she thought she wanted.  How she just wanted get back into life, get a hold of something, find a direction, a goal something to help her fight her way through the shitty ass place her dad left her in and then work on getting passed what had happened. But everyone always knows better than you do. Plus people seem to actually want to forget about her Dad but I can’t, I can’t forget he’s still out there, I can’t forget they said she would be safe and ok before and look what happened.  I hope she’s doing ok.  I miss her too.  Everyday I find myself missing her more; maybe I’m use to the idea of her being around again. Well was getting use to the idea.

 

 

“Dude your on in half hour and you’re writing in your diary.” Eric asked as he stood at the door.

 

“It’s a journal and what’s it to you.” AJ said jokingly as he tucked the book away.

 

“You’ve been writing in that thing a lot.” Eric said as AJ stood up and grabbed his black knitted hat.  “Anyways someone’s here to see you.”

 

“Who?” AJ asked a confused.  Eric pulled back the door and AJ saw Kevin standing there, dark sunglasses and a ball cap, a dirty style shirt and stone washed jeans.

 

“Oh no, no one will ever recognize you.”  AJ said sarcastically at Kevin.  “And what the hell are you doing here it’s Easter.”

 

“I’m here with Chels.” Kevin said as Eric walked out and closed the door.

 

“What?” AJ asked stunned.

 

“She’s out front waiting for the show to start.”

 

“Alone?” AJ asked.

 

“Yeah, she said she didn’t want to come in and make you all nervous right before you go on.” Kevin said with a light smile.

 

“So, what are you guys doing here?” He asked.

 

“The doctor she saw in Kentucky sent her out here.” Kevin said as he sat down.

 

“Huh?” AJ said now even more confused.

 

“He told Mom and I that Chelsea is suffering from a type of Attachment Disorder.” Kevin told him.  “He explained that because she was alone for so long her mind and body want comfort.  Some people go crazy from that kind of abandonment, some just tune everything out and some become obsessed with attachment, with Chels it’s like she needs it and she knows where she can get it from.”

 

“Me.” AJ said understanding.  “I guess it’s a good thing I did leave then.”

 

“No, no it’s not.” Kevin said quickly.  “And Mom is going to make Tim and Jerald apologize to you.”  AJ looked at him confused.  “Chelsea actually talked to the Doctor, whether she wanted to or not I don’t know but she did, about everything.” Kevin told him.  “The Doctor said because of what happened to her, she feels alone, no matter who’s around, how many are around, she feels alone.  Her brain is telling her that it’s wrong to feel that way and it’s looking to be corrected.”

 

“What does that have to do with me?” AJ asked.

 

“The Doctor prescribed you.” Kevin said with a light smile and laugh.

 

“Huh?”

 

“He said that Chelsea knows she is safe with you, protected, we were wrong and she was right, you were right, she knew what she needed.”  Kevin said.  “It’s called Love Therapy, it’s something they are trying on people who suffer from something like what Chels does.  As the doctor put it, she’s been alone for 13 years she wants to be held.”

 

“I see.” AJ said nodding lightly.

 

“As soon as you have time he wants you to come to Kentucky to talk to him, I told him I would talk to you about it and well as soon as Chels found out she wanted to come and there was no saying otherwise .”  Kevin said and AJ lightly smiled.

 

“I have a tour and everything coming up.” AJ said looking at Kevin.

 

“We’ll find a way to work around it.” Kevin lightly shrugged.

 

“See now if you had stayed..”

 

“Shut up.” Kevin said rolling his eyes as he stood up.  “I’ll be hiding back stage, Eric said Chelsea can hang with him and Chris until you’re done.”

 

“Cool.” AJ nodded as Kevin walked over to the door.

 

“Have fun out there.” Kevin said with a smile.  AJ smiled back as his band mate closed the door and then his face dropped, he was about to let it all out on stage, in front of his fans, and now her.

 

“Craptastic.” AJ sighed as he let it all out and mind prepped for the show.  There was another knock at the door and he shouted for them to come in.  He turned around when he heard the door open and then he stopped breathing.

 

“Hey, Rachel.” He said uncomfortably.

 

“Hi.” She said with a soft smile.  “Did I just see Kevin?”

 

“Uh, if fans ask no, but um yeah.” He said trying to collect his thoughts.

 

“I see.” She said understanding.  “Well that’s good that he showed.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” AJ nodded, he played it cool on the outside but he was freaking out on the inside. In all honesty he had completely forgotten about Rachel coming tonight, and now Chelsea was here too.

 

“So how have you been?” Rachel asked.

 

“Busy.” AJ nodded.

 

“I heard you went to Kentucky, there’s some drama or something, I talked to Sarah, Sarah talked to somebody I dunno.”  Rachel shrugged.

 

“Oh.” AJ said.  “Yeah well it’s a really long story.”

 

“Well I’ll have time after the show.” Rachel said with a light smile.

 

“Ah.” AJ said trying to think of an excuse quick. Just then the door opened and Eric poked his head in.  He caught the look on Eric’s face when he saw Rachel was in the room and it almost made AJ bust out laughing.

 

“Umm, we need you out here if you’re ready.” Eric said.

 

“Ok.” AJ said with a nervous nod.  He hated how quickly that feeling snuck up on you.

 

“Oh, well I better go, I’ll see you after the show then.” Rachel said with a nod, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek and then walked out of the room as Eric closed the door behind her.

 

“Craptastic times two.” AJ said as he threw his hands into the air.  With another sigh he looked around the room and made sure he had everything.  He then closed his eyes and said a little prayer, then looked up hoping his grandparents were watching.

 

“Sorry.” And then apologized to them for the bad language and dirty dancing he would be doing on stage.  With a deep breath he headed to the door and left for the backstage area.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

            When the concert was over AJ was escorted back to his dressing room by his bodyguards.  He walked into the bathroom and put his head under the sink tap and turned on the cold water, washing away the heat and sweat.  He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his head, drying his hair out, and then wrapped the towel around his neck as he walked out of the bathroom.  The door opened and he looked up seeing Kevin and this time Chelsea walk in.

 

            “Great show man.” Kevin said as he walked over and hugged him.

 

            “Think it went ok?” AJ asked.

 

“Better than ok.” Kevin said with a smile.  “I’m really proud of you.”

 

“Sweet.” AJ said with a happy grin.  “What did you think?” He asked as he looked at Chelsea.

 

“You were awesome.” She said smiling. 

 

“So we’re going back to my place, can you come or do you have an after party?”  Kevin asked.

 

“No, the after party will be tomorrow night after the Roxy show.” AJ said shaking his head.

 

“Cool.” Kevin nodded.  “You can shower at my place if you want.” Kevin said as AJ gathered all his belongings.  There was a knock at the door and Kevin walked over and answered it. 

 

“Hi Kevin.” Rachel said with a smile as she stood on the other side of the door.

 

“Hi.” Kevin said a little stunned.  “AJ.” He said looking at AJ.

 

“Rachel.” AJ said and he cringed when he didn’t hide his sigh.

 

“Great show hun, I knew you could do it.” She said as she walked over and hugged him.  “You fucking rocked it.”

 

“Thanks.” AJ said as he pulled away quickly.

 

“So Rachel, how have you been?” Kevin said distracting her.

 

“Good good.” She said nodding.  “And you? How’s the little guy?”

 

“He’s getting bigger.” Kevin said with a light smile.

 

“So Alex, are you ready?” She asked as she looked away.

 

“Sorry Rach, I was going to tell you before Eric came in, I already have plans for tonight.” AJ told her.

 

“Oh.” She said and he noticed she looked over towards Chelsea.  “Well that’s fine we can get together sometime this week since you’re off or something.”

 

“I’m going to be busy for a while.” AJ said as she looked at him.

 

“But the tour doesn’t start for another week.” She said.

 

“I know but something has come up so I need to go back to Kentucky after my shows.”  AJ told her. 

 

“Alright.” Rachel said and AJ knew she was pissed off, and that pissed him off.  He hadn’t heard from her in forever and she was the one that wanted to be friends, be supportive, yet here she was getting mad at him.  Why must girls be this way? Not all, but most, it was irritating as hell to him.

 

“Bye Kevin nice seeing you, say hello to Kristin.” Rachel said as she walked out of the room.  AJ looked at Kevin who was trying to hold back a smile.

 

“That was Rachel.” AJ said looking at Chelsea.

 

“Figured, tattoos and all.” Chelsea said looking at him with a duuh look and at that moment the anger disappeared and he lightly laughed.

 

“You know about Rachel?” Kevin asked Chelsea confused.

 

“I know about them all.” Chelsea said with a smile that told Kevin she knew it made her special that he actually told her.

 

“I told you we talked.” AJ said rolling his eyes.

 

“I know, it’s just.”

 

“So are we going?” AJ said changing the subject.

 

“I’m ready.” Chelsea said standing up.

 

They walked out of the room and down the small hallway towards the back lane.  They stopped at Eric and the clubs owners to talk about the turn out.  Much better than they thought, it was what they were hoping for though.  They talked a little bit about the show tomorrow and then everyone got ready to leave. 

 

“I wonder how many are out there?” Kevin asked.

 

“Dunno” AJ said as he put his sweater on.  His bodyguard open the back door and everyone began walking out and walking to their cars.  As he walked out he looked down towards the front of the building, the parking lot fenced off he saw a bunch of girls standing down by the fence.  They started shouting when they saw him.  He walked over to the fence area quickly and began talking to the girls standing there as he signed stuff through the fence.

 

“Ugh that boy.” Kevin sighed as he looked over quickly.  “We’ll wait for him in the car he could be a while.”

 

“Ok.” Chelsea said with a laugh as she looked from AJ to Kevin.

 

“I don’t wanna get recognized tonight.” Kevin sighed.  “And he could be a while.”

 

“Really.” Chelsea said with a light laugh.

 

“Yeah, he’s always signing autographs and talking to fans, I mean it’s cool but sometimes he tells them too much and it gets his ass in trouble.”  Kevin said to her.

 

“Yeah, so I hear.” Chelsea said with a nod.

 

“He really told you everything?” Kevin said a little shocked as he stopped at his car door.

 

“Well I’m sure not everything, Cliff notes maybe but I think it was his way of trying to get me to talk to him.” She said as she opened her door.  “I can’t say I’m really surprised by a lot of it.  His dad did some major damage in the first place, then on top of how he was treated at school all the time. I can see why and how he went down the road he did, maybe I kind of already did. I knew how bad people can get Kevin, even at 16.  I just always thought I would be there to help.”  She looked away and got into the back seat.  When he got in he looked at Chelsea through the review mirror she was sitting sideways on the seat, watching AJ from the back window as he chatted and took pictures with the fans.

 

 

                                    Chapter 15

 

 

March 25th 2008

 

            Well I am back in Kentucky now, flew back with Kevin, Kris, the baby and Chelsea this morning, and we’re going to see her doctor after lunch.  There are no plans for lunch so I was thinking of maybe taking her out before, give her time to relax.  I talked to Ma yesterday too; and she saw Chelsea, Kevin didn’t want to be seen so I told Chels I would pick her up and take her to the concert. 

 

AJ looked up when there was a knock at the door and set the journal down on the bed.  He walked over to the door and opened it and smiled when he saw Chelsea on the other side.

 

“What’s up?” He asked as he stepped back and let her walk in.

 

“Just got done unpacking.” She said as she stepped into the room.  “And I wanted to talk to you.”

 

“Mm that’s never good.” AJ said jokingly.  Chelsea lightly smiled at him as he sat down near the top of the bed and motioned for her to sit across from him.  “Are you ok?”

 

“Yeah.” She nodded.  “I just wanted to make sure this was something you wanted to do, I know you’re really busy Alex, and I don’t want to interfere with anything.”

 

“You’re not, don’t worry Kevin and I will work something out, if it wasn’t for the attention it would bring on you, I would cancel everything and just stay here for as long as you needed me but the last thing you need is people hearing we cancelled, asking why, finding out why, and then your dad seeing you on the six o clock news.”  She lightly smiled as they sat there quietly for a moment.

 

“I’m going to make something to eat before we go, did you want anything?” She asked.

 

“Actually, did you want to go out and grab something in town?” AJ said as she stood up.

 

“Sure, I’ll go get Kevin.” She said as she headed to the door.

 

“Uh wait.” He said quickly, stopping her at the door.  She turned around and looked at him confused.  “I was thinking just the two of us.”

 

“Oh, ok.” She replied with a light nod.  “I’ll go grab my sweater and let Kev know.”

 

“Ok.” He nodded as she walked out of the room.  

 

Standing there by the door he thought about what it meant to walk through the door way to the other side.  His mind was a jumble before this, not knowing what to do, which direction to go in.  Now he knew, he followed her.  He didn’t know what was going to happen in a month, two months, or six months but he knew one thing he wanted to be there to find out.  Too see who she becomes and maybe be a part of it.  Grabbing his hoody from the back of the door he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

 

“So we’ll meet you at the University?” Kevin asked him as AJ jogged down the stairs.

 

“Yeah.” He nodded as he doubled checked for his car rental keys.

 

“Do you know where it is?” Kevin asked.

 

“Dude, its Kentucky University, I think I can read signs.” AJ said rolling his eyes.  He walked over to Chelsea as she stood at the side door.  “I got my cell if you need us.” AJ said as the two walked out the door.

 

“Alright.” Kevin hollered as AJ closed the door behind him.

 

AJ pulled the car out of the driveway and headed down the long country road. He liked it out here; it was quiet, calming, relaxing, and pretty easy going.  But he couldn’t live here; it was too quiet for that. 

 

“Do you still have Tobi?” She asked breaking the silence in the car.

 

“Tobi Won?” AJ asked and a light smile came over his face thinking about his dog.  “No, she passed a few years back.”

 

“Oh.” Chelsea frowned. “Everything is so different. I mean I knew things were changing.  When we would have to leave a place, I would see glimpses of things; he would show up with things I’d never seen before, like when he got that phone with the camera, cell phones were not that small.”

 

“There are people who didn’t go through what you went through and still can’t catch up to the new things going on so don’t feel too bad.” Aj said with a light smile.  “Look at Kris that poor woman couldn’t turn on a computer to save her life.”  Chelsea started laughing.  “Even you know how to do that.” Aj laughed. 

 

“You know who I think has changed the most?” She asked.

 

“Who?” Aj wondered as he quickly looked at her.

 

“You.” She replied.

 

“Really”

 

“Yeah, but it’s good, I mean before you were always shy and quiet, even with me it would always take you a bit start talking and open up.” She told him.  “But now especially when you’re on stage, I see a whole new side.”

 

“And what do you think of this new side.” He said as they stopped at a light and he looked over at her.

 

“I like this new side and I want to get to know it more.” She told him. AJ lightly smiled as he felt his face get hot and he had no doubt it was now red.

 

“Well Brian has too.” She replied quickly.

 

“Yeah” AJ said with a light sigh.  “You know about the heart condition right?”

 

“You mean the hole he had in his heart when he born?” she asked

 

“Yeah.” AJ nodded.  “Well because of how we perform on stage, the hole got bigger, and he needed surgery.”

 

“Wow.” She gasped a little

 

“When he found out about it he told us and the thing he doesn’t get is, it really didn’t hit us how bad it was.  We were having problems with Johnny and Donna, we were getting ready to sue Lou, we were on tour and at that time we felt like we couldn’t stop, don’t stop the train or you won’t get it moving again, ya know?.”

 

“So he didn’t have the surgery?”

 

“No he did, he got yelled at by his folks and doctor and they were going to pull him from the group all together. So we let him go have his surgery and we kept going.” AJ told her.

 

“Oh.” She said nodding.  “He didn’t like that?”

 

“oh no and he was pissed no one came to see him, Kevin did the day after the surgery before he went out to Monte Carlo but Brian just yelled at him and kicked him out.” AJ said remembering.

 

“Even well after the surgery, when I went to rehab, he got pissy again, because the guys did stop the train this time and let me get off, and they waited for me to get back on.”  AJ said. “Well it more slowly rolled down the tracks.” 

 

“I see” Chelsea said with a light nod.  “But there’s a huge difference, his surgery was while you were with Donna and Johnny, you went into rehab well after you left them.  I remember what they were like; they controlled you, just like they did with New Kids and all the crap Kevin and Kristin went through. Even if you did wanna stop the train, who’s to say they would have let you.”

 

“Yeah, that’s how we see it too, well Kevin and I anyways.” AJ nodded.  “But it hurt Rok a lot, not that I can blame him.  I dunno, I wish I could have been there, but I was going through some bad shit at that time too, and my drinking was picking up, last place I wanted to be was at a hospital.”

 

“I can understand that.” She nodded.

 

“Well glad you do.” AJ replied.

 

“I can’t wait to meet Baylee.” She said with a light smile.

 

“He’s a great kid, everyone says he’s like his dad was at that age.” AJ told her as he stopped at a light.

 

“Awww.” She said as she looked out the window.  “It’s still open?” He heard her say.

 

“What?” He asked not sure what she was talking about.

 

“Ed’s, it’s still open?” She asked as she looked at him.  He quickly looked out her window and saw the large sign for the restaurant her mom use to work at.

 

“I guess.” AJ said as he looked at her.  “Did you want to there?”

 

“No” She said as she shook her head.  “It’s probably changed too; don’t think I want it too yet.”

 

“Ok.” He nodded with a light smile.  The car in front of him moving caught his attention and he looked forward and saw the light had gone green.  He drove down the main strip a little further and then pulled into an old fashion looking diner. 

 

“Kevin said this place was new and it’s good.” AJ said as he parked the car.  They got out and walked to the door; he opened it and held it for her letting her walk in a head of him.  They were seated right away and ordered soda’s as they looked over their menu.  The waitress came back with their drinks and they both ordered.

 

“So” AJ said as he looked at Chelsea.  “How do you like this Dr. Adenhall?”

 

“He’s ok.” Chelsea said with a nod.  “He actually takes into consideration about how I feel for things before he decides what to do.”

 

“The others didn’t?” AJ asked.

 

“No, not Doctor Coupe.” Chelsea said shaking her head.  “She wanted me to go to some medical place in Chicago for a couple of weeks, I just wanted to get back to Kentucky and it’s not just her, Kevin, Tim, Jerald, even Anne, they listen to the doctors before me.”

 

“They just want you to get better, they’re not sure what to do, and figure a doctor would know.” AJ explained to her.

 

“Don’t I know what I want or need?”

 

“Of course you do hun but look at what you went through, feelings, wants, needs, get clouded because of things in the way, things only people on the outside can get pass to see.” He said.  “Look at me eight years ago all I wanted was Booze and Woman; I thought I was ok.” 

 

“I can’t picture you doing the whole pick up thing”

 

“What?” AJ gasped in shock. 

 

“Mr. hands get cold and clammy and I stuttered when I talk to a girl?” She said with a light laugh.

 

“Uh, I was sixteen.” AJ said rolling his eyes a little as she laughed a little harder.  “Besides, the booze helped.”

 

“And now?” She asked him, he looked at her for a minute.

 

“Mr. hands get cold and clammy but I don’t stutter anymore.” He frowned a little.  Chelsea started laughing again as the waitress came over with their food.

 

The two sat at their table eating and talking, well mostly AJ talked and Chelsea listened.  He told her about the fun times he had with Kevin before his drinking got out of control, about how he has had bad luck when ever he goes to Canada and about how close he is too his fans.

 

“You didn’t really say that on air did you?” She asked.

 

“Yeah.” He replied with a light giggle.  “Man she was pissed when she heard the fans talking about it.”

 

“I would be too.” Chelsea said.

 

“I can’t help it; they’ve really been there for me.” He shrugged.

 

“Ok I get that but they don’t need to know about your sex life.” She said as she picked up a fry.

 

“Hey Brian’s just as bad as me.” AJ said defensively.  “He went off on a day dream a couple of months ago during an interview about Leigh’s boobs and how much he likes them, so it’s not just me.”  Chelsea started laughing almost choking on her French fry.  AJ started laughing a little as he grabbed his soda. 

 

The two continued to talk as they finished up their meal and they even bickered a little bit about who was going to pay.  Chelsea wanted too cause she felt bad enough having to get money from Anne and Kevin to do anything.  AJ wanted to cause he, well, wanted too.  When the bill was taken care of they left the restaurant and headed to the University.  As they arrived at the University they saw Anne and Kevin in the parking lot, AJ parked the car and then him and Chelsea made their way to them.

 

“Have a good lunch?” Kevin asked as they approached him and his mom.

 

“Yep.” Chelsea said as Kevin reached for the door.

 

“Where did you go?” Anne asked as they walked into the hospital.

 

“That new diner.” AJ said.  “The one on East Main.”

 

“Nice.” Kevin nodded as they walked down the hall. 

 

AJ hated the way Hospitals smelt and they always smelt the same no matter which one you went too.  He hated walking down the halls wondering who was losing someone they loved, passing rooms wondering who was sick, or who’s last day would be today and for some reason that was easier to remember than the new life that began everyday on some floor in every hospital.  They stopped at the elevators with a couple of other people and waited for one to become available. 

 

“Oh Brian called.” Kevin said as he looked back at AJ and Chelsea.

 

            “What’s up with him?” AJ asked.

 

            “Him, Leigh and Baylee are coming out tomorrow afternoon.” He told them.

 

            “Sweet” AJ nodded as the elevator dinged to inform them it had arrived.  Everyone walked on and Kevin pushed the fifth floor button and waited for the doors to close.  The other people that had entered with them pushed the second floor.  The lift moved quickly and AJ felt his stomach flutter as it stopped.  When the others had left the doors closed.

 

            “Does that freak you out?” Chelsea asked as she looked at AJ and Kevin,

 

“What?” They both asked confused.

 

“When you’re around people, you don’t ever wonder if that girl just pee’d her pants because she was on an elevator with 2 out of the 5 Backstreet Boys.” She asked.

 

“That’s 1 out of 4.” AJ snipped.

 

“Dude.” Kevin said shooting him a look.  “And to answer your question, no, our fans would pee their pants and let us know they did so.” 

 

“Not all of them.” Chelsea said rolling her eyes.

 

“So much to learn.” AJ said with a sigh.

 

“You guys really think all your fans would spazz out if they saw you?”

 

“Well no, not all but those people didn’t look like our fan base.” Kevin said as the elevator stopped.

 

“One could have been.” AJ said as they stepped off.  “She looked like a Howie fan.”

 

“And what does a Howie fan look like?” She asked puzzled.

 

“Old.” AJ said and Kevin started laughing, AJ joined in with him and the two girls realized they were missing the joke.

 

“So who has the most extreme fans?” Chelsea asked.

 

“Nick.” Both guys answered at the same time.

 

“But Howie does come a close second.” Kevin added.  “Member the chick in the prom dress or bridesmaids dress whatever it was?”

 

“Yeah” AJ laughed.

 

“Or the one that showed up to a benefit saying she slept with him the night before and made a huge scene.” Kevin remembered and AJ stopped breathing.  “Or was that one of yours?”

 

“I don’t know.” AJ said quickly.

 

“One of yours.” Kevin said when he saw AJ’s reaction.

 

“And did you?” Chelsea asked.

 

“NO!” AJ said quickly and very defensively.

 

“Then why do you always answer NO! When you’re asked?” Kevin asked him.

 

“Cause he doesn’t remember.” Chelsea said and AJ looked at her quickly.  “You might have been drunk and you don’t remember.”

 

Kevin started laughing. “She busted you. Ouch dude.”

 

“No, no that’s not it, I’m just pissed you guys think I would sleep with..” He then remembered Anne standing in front of him.  “Nevermind” AJ said shaking his head.  “Is this it?” He asked as he pointed to the door they stood in front of.

 

“Yeah.” Kevin said with a smile as he reached for the door knob.  Everyone walked into the office.  AJ saw the smirk on Chelsea’s face, even now she knew what to say to bug him.

 

“Hello” The receptionist said as she looked up and saw them walk in.  “You can go right in.” She smiled.  AJ followed Kevin, Anne and Chelsea into the doctor’s office.

 

“Good afternoon everyone.” A man behind a large wooden desk said.  He was balding around the top of his head, his hair wasn’t grey, and there was no grey in his beard either.  It was shaved close to his face, and AJ thought all he was missing was the glasses and you had a text book doc.  “How are we today Chelsea?”

 

“Ok.” She said as she sat down in one of the chairs by the desk.

 

“How are you sleeping?” He asked.

 

“Same.” She said with a light shrug.

 

“Are the pills working?”

 

“No” She replied. AJ noticed he didn’t say anything as he wrote on a note pad.

 

“So” He said as he looked up and right at AJ.  “You must be Alex?” He said as he stood up.

 

“Yes” AJ said with a nod.  The doctor shook his hand and then sat down on the corner of his desk.

 

“Nice to meet you.” He said with a light nod as AJ lightly smiled back at him.  “So I’m going to ask that Chelsea, Kevin and Anne step outside for a moment, I need to talk to Alex in private before we get going.”

 

“Sure.” Kevin said as him and Anne stood up.  “We’ll be outside.”  AJ looked up at Chelsea and she lightly smiled at him, and he smiled back at her.  The Doctor closed the door behind them and AJ felt himself get a little nervous.

 

“Alright Alex first I should inform you that Chelsea has given me full permission to discuss her case with you.” The doctor told him. 

 

“Ok.” AJ nodded.

 

“I would like the two of you to talk face to face as well but first I wanted to go over some things with you.” Dr. Adenhall said.  “Have you ever heard of Love Therapy?”

 

“No, I don’t think so.” AJ said lightly shaking his head.

 

“Love Therapy is usually used in cases involving children, children who have been abandon by their parents, or are adopted and not attaching themselves to the adopted parent.  In Chelsea’s case, she was left alone for years, this has caused her to withdraw her emotions, I guess you can say it’s almost like she doesn’t feel anymore.” AJ listened as the Doctor went on. 

 

“In the seventies a doctor by the name of Harry F. Harlow did psychological experiments on monkeys, they were called the Monkey Love Experiments.  One monkey was put in a cage with carpet on the bottom, blankets and a doll that it could hug and bond with, along with some food and water, the other monkey was given nothing but food and water, his cage was left empty.  The results were the monkey with nice cage turned out like a normal monkey, but the one with the cage that was empty had mental problems, social problems, and physical problems as well.”

 

“Chelsea is like the second monkey, the difference is she has known compassion, love and bond so now that her mind and body know she’s not alone in the room anymore, they are telling her this is what she needs.”

 

“I understand.” AJ said nodding again.  “But isn’t it too soon, I don’t want to push her, send her into a freak out or something?”

 

“How do you think you would do that?” The doctor asked.

 

“Well if I went to hug her, or even kiss her.” AJ said a little uncomfortable about the conversation.  “What if she’s not ready? What if something does happen between us and then a year from now she’s found herself and she’s a completely different person?”

 

“If it was some what of a different situation sure, if her father had sexually assaulted her, which he hadn’t from what I’ve been told by the FBI doctor and Chelsea herself. Then yes maybe it would be a little dangerous, but in Chelsea’s case, her abuse was the fact she received no love, she was treated like she was an animal, an object, by someone who was suppose to love her unconditionally.”

 

“I see” AJ said quietly.

 

“It would probably also be a different story if her mother was around as well.” The Doctor said.  “But she’s not and the only other real love Chelsea knows is the one you two shared.  She doesn’t want me pressuring you, not that I would, but she’s very worried you’ll back off, you won’t want to get involved for whatever reason, maybe it would be to hard, or maybe you’re just not interested.”

 

“No, I want to help her.” AJ said.  “If I’m the only one who can.”

 

“You are Alex, I really think that for Chelsea to be able to move forward and find herself like you and the Richardson’s want, is for her to reconnect with someone, for her to feel loved and wanted in this world again.”

 

“I understand.” AJ said and he really did.  “So what should I do?”

 

“Tell her how you feel, whether it be some small feeling still there, or something more, get her to talk about what she wants from you, what she needs, go from there.” The doctor told him.  “I am going to get Chelsea to come in and you two can talk while I talk to Kevin and Anne make sure they understand about what will be happening.  If anything does happen I’m right outside come and get me.”

 

“Ok.” AJ nodded.  He watched as the doctor walked out of the door and then closed it behind him.  When the door clicked closed AJ let out a sigh.  His head was flooded with words as he thought about what to say to her.  The door opened and he looked up as Chelsea walked into the room.

 

“So, Doctor Adenhall says we’re supposed to talk.” Chelsea said as she sat down in the chair across from him.

 

“Yep, so how about if I start?” AJ said and Chelsea nodded.  “Remember when we were talking in hotel and I said that I would be here for you if you needed me, I want you to get better, to get your life back and I want to be around.”

 

“Yeah.” She said as she picked at her fingers.

 

“I wasn’t sure what I should say to you then, I didn’t want to tell you how I really felt because I thought it would upset you.”  AJ told her.

 

“Oh.” Chelsea said as she looked down.  AJ figured she was waiting for bad news so he stood up at sat down beside her and took her hands.

 

“I still love you Chelsea.”  AJ said and Chelsea snapped her head up and looked at him.  “I never stopped, didn’t want to.  But when you came back I thought telling you that would upset you, maybe make you panic, something you weren’t ready for.  I also thought maybe it was because I had the lingering feelings, and now that you were back it just brought it up. Plus my track record with girlfriends hasn’t been the greatest and Kevin’s brothers have always been vocal about it, what they said that night wasn’t really anything new.”

 

“I don’t care about that, those girls aren’t me, and it’s in the past.”  Chelsea told him.

 

“I know but the last thing I wanna do is hurt you.  I’m not sure I can promise I won’t.” AJ said.

 

“I can’t promise that either and I wouldn’t want you too.” Chelsea said and he looked at her.  “No one can Alex, people can change after a year, five years, ten years, it’s what humans do.” AJ lightly smiled at her.  “When I hugged you that night in the hospital, the first night I saw you again, it was the first time in 13 years I had felt anything and right now I don’t care if you change, you could turn into a yeti and I wouldn’t care.”  AJ lightly chuckled at her comment but he knew what she meant.

 

“Well I’m pretty sure you don’t have to worry about me turning into a yeti.” AJ smiled at her.

 

“That beard makes it a little iffy.” She joked and AJ’s jaw dropped.

 

“Ha ha.” AJ said as he rolled his eyes a little and then he started laughing with Chelsea.  When they had calm down AJ took her hands again and they both looked into each others eyes.  “What ever you want, or need, just ask me.  I’m not going anywhere; I just got you back why would I want to lose you all over again.”

 

“You don’t need this, everything that’s going on with me, my dad still out somewhere, and the tour, your solo on top of that.  You’ve been through so much; I don’t want to put more stress on you, I don’t want you thinking you have to be here because you don’t.  Doctor Adenhall and I can find another way to help me.”

 

“Trust me hun, it would be more stressful for me to not know what was going on with you, and I want to be here, I told you that before.”  AJ said as Chelsea took a deep breath. “Ok?”

 

“Ok.” She agreed and this time he wrapped his arms around her and they held each other.

 

                                    Chapter 16

 

March 25th 2008

 

Things went good today at Chelsea’s doctors.  Me and her got some time to talk just the two of us and I told her how I felt, that I still loved her, and why I didn’t say it sooner.  It actually feels good to have told her, she knows how I feel, and I know how she feels.  Chelsea told me before Dr. Adenhall came back in to his office that she still loved me too which from what I understand now is a big deal.  Dr. Adenhall told me that Chelsea is having a hard time expressing her feelings, or feeling anything because of what happened.  Kevin explained to me more about it when we got back from the hospital.  He said that she could be mad as hell to the point where most people would start throwing shit or come out swinging and nothing. She could be sad and in pain but she’ll show nothing, say nothing. She’ll go quiet, expressionless, and he said he hadn’t really seen it until the day I left Kentucky after the fight with his brothers.  Chelsea went quiet on them, she sat on the couch, she wouldn’t talk to them, they had to bring her dinner in the living room and I guess she was like that up until the first doctor’s appointment with Dr. Adenhall.  I’m going to hang out for a couple of more days, Brian and the family are coming tomorrow and Kevin and I are going to talk about how Chelsea and I can have more time together, with the tour and everything.  It’s been a long day, I’m going to bed.

 

Alex.

 

 

AJ heard someone say something outside of his door; something had jolted him from his sleep and he sat up confused.  As he rubbed his eyes he heard a shout and loud pounding noises.  That woke him up and he quickly climbed out of bed and dashed for the door.  He opened it and leaned out into the hallway, listening.

 

“Go get Alex!” He heard someone shout and he closed the door to his room.  When he did he saw Chelsea’s bedroom door was opened but he looked away when he heard someone running up the stairs.

 

“Chelsea had a nightmare, man, she took off out the back door.”

 

“Fuck, fuck.” AJ snapped as he turned around and ran down the hall towards the back stair case.  He skipped steps as he made his way into the kitchen, the back porch door sitting open.  AJ flew out the door and off the porch, he didn’t even need to think he knew where she was and ran into the brush following the trail.

 

“Chelsea!?” AJ shouted as he ran out into the field. 

 

“Alex?” He heard her say from his right and he spun around quickly.  She ran up to him practically jumping into his arms.  “I found you.” She said.

 

“What?” AJ asked confused.  Her arms wrapped tighter around him and he realized she was crying.  “It’s ok Chels, I’m here.”

 

“I was so scared I didn’t know where I was and I couldn’t find you anywhere.” She cried.  He picked her, cradling her in his arms.  It was cold and they were both in their pajamas, AJ without a shirt.  When he turned around he saw Kevin standing there with a blanket.  AJ let Kevin tuck the blanket around her and then they headed back towards the house.  Anne was standing at the back porch waiting for them and she opened the door as they walked up to the porch steps.  He carried her up the stairs and back to her room. 

 

“Are you ok now?” AJ asked her as he laid her back down on her bed.  She didn’t say anything but nodded lightly.  “You wanna talk about the dream?”

 

“No” She said shaking her head.

 

“Chels, Dr. Adenhall said.” She interrupted him.

 

“I know, I just got confused when I woke that’s all.” She said quietly.

 

“Chels.” AJ said as he did what Dr. Adenhall told him to do, push a little more to get her to talk, to open up.  She looked away and took a breath; her chest fluttered a little the lingering effects of her crying. 

 

“I’m in my room but not in Mexico it was when we were in Texas I think, we stayed there for a while, then a year or so ago we left for Mexico, I think.  Not very good with the time line.”

 

“It’s ok.” AJ said with a light smile.

 

“Anyways” She said after taking another breath.  “He use to have these episodes where he would get mad, I don’t know why, maybe he found out the police were on to him, or just cause he was insane.  Something would set him off and..” She stopped and closed her eyes, AJ watched as she fought back her tears. 

 

As he sat on the bed with her he raised his hand and gently brushed his fingers along her cheek, she looked at him and he pulled her into his arms.  He slid his arms gently up her back as he held her. 

 

“What would happen when he would freak out?”  AJ asked.

 

“He’d take it out on me, he would tell me how I ruined his life, that for years it was just him and Mom, and then I came along.  He would hit me and I couldn’t go anywhere, I couldn’t even try for the door, the…the chain wasn’t very long.”

 

“Chels” AJ said sadly as he closed his eyes.

 

“He would pin me under things, the shelf, the chair, once he even flipped the bed onto me, he would choke me, asking if I would fight this time, saying this time he’d do it right.”  She started crying again.  “I didn’t do anything, I don’t even know what he’s talking about.”

 

“I do.” Anne said from the doorway, it startled both of them and they pulled away.  Anne walked over to Chelsea and sat beside her near the top of her bed.  “Your father never wanted kids, your mom was pregnant before, twice before but she miscarried both.  She told us it was medical, she would tell us about appointments to find the problem, but we always wondered.” Anne took Chelsea’s hand.  “When she got pregnant with you, you’re father beat her up, and put her in the hospital.  But you.” She said pointing at Chelsea.  “You we’re as strong as your mother, and you pulled through too.  That’s how he ended up in jail; it wasn’t after you were born like she told you.”

 

“Why didn’t she tell me this?”  Chelsea asked.

 

“She didn’t want you thinking that you weren’t special, that you weren’t a miracle because to her and us you were.  She didn’t want you to know what kind of father you really had, she didn’t want you thinking you would end up as evil and angry as he was and she thought he was going to be in jail for a long time, we all did.”  Chelsea wiped her eyes as a couple of tears dripped down.  The sound of Mason crying made everyone look at Kevin.

 

“Did I wake him?” Chelsea asked.

 

“No” Kevin said with a light smile and shook his head.  He then left the doorway and walked down the hall towards his room.

 

“That baby sleeps like his Father darling, don’t worry.” Anne said with a smile and it made Chelsea laugh.  “I’m going to make some tea, do you want some?”

 

“Yeah” Chelsea said with a nod.  Anne lightly smiled at her and got up from the bed. 

 

“Alex did you want a coffee?”  Anne asked stopping in the way.  AJ looked at the clock in Chelsea’s room, 4:38 am the clock read.

 

“Would love some thanks.” He lightly smiled. 

 

“It makes more sense now.” Chelsea said quietly.

 

“What does hun?” AJ asked

 

“Why she did what she did after Dad took me.  Why she killed herself.  It wasn’t just the fact she didn’t protect me that day, it was the fact I was the third one she couldn’t protect, after almost losing me the same way she lost the others, only to have me live, and grow and then taken away again?”  Chelsea told him.  “I almost wish Heaven wasn’t real, cause I don’t wanna know what she thought when she died and found out I was still alive, if she even went to Heaven?”  She asked as she started crying again.

 

“I’m sure she did Chelsea” AJ said.  “I think if she wasn’t there you wouldn’t be here today.”

 

“I miss her so much Alex.” Chelsea cried.  AJ pulled her into his arms again and held her as she let it out.  AJ didn’t say anything he just held her, giving her some place safe to cry and let out some of her feelings.  “What do you do?”  She asked.

 

“What do mean?”

 

“What do you do, with the feeling that any minute she’s going to walk through that door, she’s going to hold me and tell me its ok.”  Chelsea asked him.

 

“I dunno.” AJ said to her.  “You deal with it and move forward, you remind yourself that it’ll get easier.  You’ll always feel that way from time to time, you’ll always miss her, but the more people around you who remember her and share your memories the easier it’ll get.” AJ told her as he pulled away.  “Just don’t shut her away, talk about her, keep her in your mind and you’ll find that it could turn into comfort, remembering her.”  She lightly smiled as he brushed her bang behind her ear.

 

“Wanna go get that tea now?” He asked as she wiped her eyes one last time.

 

“Sure” She said with a nod.  “When did you start drinking coffee, thought you didn’t like the smell of it.”

 

“When I stopped drinking Jack Daniels.” AJ said as he helped her up from the bed.

 

“Ah.” She nodded. 

 

“Plus you know I’ve always been an insomniac, it helps be burn out easier at the end of the day, and coffee’s not so bad now either, some pretty good smelling ones.” He said with a bright smile.  They walked out into the hallway and saw Kevin walking down with Mason in his arms.  Chelsea reached out and Kevin smiled as he handed his son to her.  She started goggling at him and making noises as she walked down the hall, AJ looked at Kevin and lightly smile.

 

“She ok now?” Kevin asked as they walked down the hall.

 

“Think so.” AJ nodded.  “I’m just glad there was no snow outside.” Kevin lightly laughed and nodded in agreement. 

 

“Man for someone who was stuck in a room for 13 years she sure is quick.” Kevin said as they stopped at the top of the stairs.

 

“She always was.” AJ said with a smile.  “She could kick your ass, she still can.”

 

“Huh?” Chelsea said as she turned around

 

“He thinks you could still kick my butt.” Kevin said rolling his eyes.

 

“I could.” Chelsea said with a nod then she looked down at Mason in her arms. “And if he gives you trouble you remember that.”  AJ and Anne started laughing and Kevin just grumbled as he sat down.

 

“I’ve missed you.” Kristin sighed as she lightly hugged Chelsea. 

 

“So what time does Brian get in?” Chelsea asked as Anne took Mason and she sat down in front of her tea.

 

“After lunch he said he’d call when they’re about a half hour away.” Kevin said as he took a sip from his coffee.

 

The group of people sat at the table talking, telling Chelsea about Baylee, about Brian and Leigh-Anne getting together, and they talked about how she was the one that broke the mold, she was the one that made every say, “Hey look, they have girlfriends.”

 

AJ looked over at Chelsea as the table started laughing at a joke Kevin told and he saw her staring at the bottom of her cup.  He slid his hand over and gently tapped her arm, she looked up.

 

“Getting tired?” He asked.

 

“Yeah” She said as she nodded lightly.

 

“K” AJ said with a smile as he stood up from the table.

 

“Going back to bed?” Kevin asked Chelsea as she stood up.  She nodded and then said goodnight to everyone.

 

AJ walked up the back stairs and down the hall to her bedroom door.  He opened it and walked in, smiling as she walked in behind him.  As he closed the door Chelsea crawled into her bed and under the blankets.  He lightly smiled at her as he walked over to her bed, she looked at him her eyes barely open as the comfort of her bed pulled her into slumber.

 

            “Alex?” She asked as he knelt down beside her, he tilted his head and waited for her to say something.  “Will you stay, just till I fall asleep?” she asked.

 

“Of course.” He smiled at her as he brushed her hair away from her face.  She lightly smiled as she took his hand. 

 

It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep and he wondered how much was the tea and how much was how safe he made her feel.  He decided to wait a couple of more minutes before heading back into his room and he laid his head on her bed.  His eyes started to fluttered and he thought he better sit up before he fell asleep but no sooner did his mind think it, did it happened. Sitting on the floor, leaning against her bed, his head laying on the mattress, AJ fell asleep, a deep sleep, something he hadn’t done in a long time.

 

 

                                    Chapter 17

 

 

 

Aj walked down the back stairs and into the kitchen.  The house was quiet; he notice as soon as he woke up it was quiet.  He went to check on Chelsea but she wasn’t there, no one was.  As he reached the bottom step Aj looked down at the kitchen table and saw a note.

 

“Alex, you were still sleeping went out for Breakfast, we’ll bring you back something, Kev.” Aj read as his eyes skimmed over the writing. “PS The coffee was made this morning.”  He smiled as he put the note down and walked over to the cupboard.  Pulling the door opened he took a coffee cup down and removed the coffee pot off the burner.  He poured a cup then walked out too the back porch door and sat down on the wooden chair, setting his coffee on the table beside it.  He pulled his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one, taking a drag and sitting back as he exhaled the smoke.  The sun was up but barely and you could tell the grass was covered in a morning due. 

 

When Aj heard a noise from inside the house, he butted out the cigarette and picked up his cup of coffee.  He walked into the house and across the kitchen to the living room door.

 

“Hello?” He said as the door whooshed behind him and he stopped in the middle of the living room when he didn’t see anyone.  Something in the corner caught his eye and he looked over to what it was.  The white linen drape was blowing in the breeze blowing through the window.  He looked at it puzzled wondering why they left the window open and walked over to it.  When he walked up beside the couch a crunching noise made him look down and he saw chunks of glass below his feet.

 

“What the hell?” He said as he looked back up at the window.  Looking closer he saw that the window wasn’t open, it was broken and as he turned around he felt something soft go over his mouth.  He dropped his coffee mug reaching up trying to pull away but something was holding onto him.  Then he smelt something sweet and then something rancid. It made him cough, it made his breathing quick, his head woozy, and then everything went dark. 

 

“Thank you” Chelsea said with a smile as she took the Styrofoam box from the woman across the counter.

 

“They’re still using that shit?” Kevin sighed as she walked up to him and Anne.

 

“Huh?” Chelsea said confused.

 

“That” Kevin said pointing to the box.  “It kills this planet and people still use it.”

 

“Ok” Chelsea said with a light laugh.  “When did you go all Green Peace?”

 

“Chels” Kevin said rolling his eyes as Anne chuckled to herself.  “And I’ll have you know that I’ve always cared, just could never do anything, now I can.”

 

“And what have you done?” She asked as they walked out of the restaurant.

 

“You know the mines.” Kevin said as he pulled out her keys.  “ Well the Bush administration energy plan at the time allowed coal companies to plow Appalachian mining waste into river valleys and streams.”

 

“Eww.” Chelsea said.

 

“I went to the Senate to testify and I started the Riverkeeper Program, plus Just Within Reach.”

 

“What’s that?” She asked as she climbed into the backseat.

 

“It was a charity I started to help raise money to clean up what happened out at the mines and other things.” Kevin said as he started the car.

 

“Cool” Chelsea said with a nod.  She looked down at the box on her lap and then looked at her watch.  “You think Alex would be up?”

 

“His ass better be.” Kevin said as he looked at his watch quickly.

 

“Like you’re one to talk, I may have been gone for 13 years but you still sleep like you’re in a coma.” Chelsea said as Anne started laughing.

 

“You’re encouraging her?” Kevin asked his mom.

 

“No hun just laughing.” Anne smiled.

 

“I wonder how his neck is doing.” Kevin said with a light laugh.

 

“Or his back.” Anne sighed.

 

“What?” Chelsea asked confused.

 

“When I went back to bed I opened the door to check on you and he was sitting propped up beside your bed with his head on your mattress passed out.” Kevin said as he looked back at her through the rearview mirror.  “Woke him up sent him back to his bed.”

 

“Oh” Chelsea said with a light smile as she looked out the window.

 

“You know now that it has sunk in a little, you two really do make a cute couple.” Anne said as she turned a little in her seat looking back at Chelsea.

 

“No” Chelsea said shaking her head.  “We’re not a couple.” She said quickly.

 

“Well I know hun, what I meant was just seeing you two together.” Anne told her.

 

“It’s a vibe.” Kevin nodded.

 

“A vibe?” Chelsea said with a little laugh.

 

“Yeah you know a feeling you get when you see someone.” Kevin said to her as he turned down the Richardson’s street.

 

“And mine are always right.” Anne said with a nod.  It made Chelsea laugh but inside she was hoping Anne was telling truth.

 

“Besides if you wanna talk about relationships why don’t you tell me why it took you so long to ask Kristin to marry you.” Chelsea said sarcastically as she lightly tapped him on the shoulder.  She sat back laughing as Kevin turned into the driveway, ignoring her question and parked beside Aj’s car.  Putting the box of food down on the seat she unbuckled her seat belt and then picked the box back up as she opened the car door and got out.  She walked up the drive way but stopped behind Anne and Kevin when they stopped just before the porch steps.

 

“Forget your keys in the car?” Chelsea asked jokingly.

 

“Stay here.” Kevin said to Anne.  “Better yet get in the car and lock the doors.” Kevin said handing Anne the keys.

 

“What? you’re not going in there alone, call the Sheriff.” Anne said in protest.

 

“What’s going on?” Chelsea asked as she started looking around.  When she scanned along the porch near the other side of the house she saw the broken window.

 

“Alex..” She said breathless as she made a dash for the house, the box in her hand falling to the ground.

 

“Chelsea!” Kevin shouted as he reached out for her and just caught her by the sleeve of her shirt.  She quickly spun around from the momentum and then shoved him back but he still had a hold of her arm.  They shoved back and forth as Chelsea screamed at Kevin to let her go but he wouldn’t as long as she didn’t go near the house and he could see her, he didn’t care what she was doing right now. 

 

“Chelsea stop.” Kevin said as he grabbed her by the arms.  “We don’t even know what happen.”

 

“Then why won’t you let me go in there?” She asked crying.

 

“Because..” Kevin said but he didn’t want to say it.

 

“Because it could be my dad and Alex is in there alone.” She said crying.  “Now let me go!” She yelled as she shoved him again.  He still didn’t let go and she continued to yell at him.  He looked over at his mom and she was talking on the phone.

 

“Let’s go wait for the police over by the car.” Kevin said to her.

 

“Kevin” Was all she said as she looked at him, her eyes flooding with tears.  He couldn’t say anything to her as he walked her over to the car and making sure his mom was behind them.  He got her to sit on the back seat but she wouldn’t allow him to close the door. 

 

It wasn’t long before the police and sheriffs had shown up and began searching the house.  Chelsea stared at the house as the men and woman walked around everywhere.  Poking at the window, poking at the doors, inside the house, outside the house, on the back porch, and the longer they looked the worse she felt.  When someone walked up it broke her daze and she looked up.

 

“He’s not in there is he?” She said as she looked back to the house.

 

“No he’s not.” Kevin said and she heard his voice quiver.  She closed her eyes as she began to cry and then felt Kevin pull her into his arms.  “They found a coffee cup spilt on the floor in the living room, over by where the broken window is.” He said as he too started to cry.  “The backdoor was open, so they think he took off with him that way.”

 

“How could he just take him?” She asked.

 

“They found a bandana on the floor; they think it was soaked in chloroform.”  Kevin told her.

 

“Oh god Kevin his Mom, his mom is going to spazz out.” Chelsea said as she started to panic again.

 

“I’ll handle Denise alright.” Kevin said to her.

 

“It’s all my fault, this is my fault.”

 

“No, Chelsea this is not your fault ok?” Kevin said quickly as he tried to calm her down.

 

“Mr. Richardson?” Someone said from behind them and they both looked up.  “We need to ask a few more questions, over here?” The female police officer said.

 

“Ok, one second please?” Kevin said and the woman lightly nodded and then walked over to her partner.

 

“Where’s your mom?” Chelsea asked.

 

“She’s talking to Brian on the phone.” Kevin said as he gently rubbed her arms.

 

“You better go.” She whispered.  Kevin hugged her one more time, then stood up and walked over to the police officer who had asked to talk to him a second ago.  Again she felt the sadness over whelm her and she closed her eyes, trying to push the tears away but it didn’t work.  Pulling her legs in she closed the door and curled up on the backseat as she closed her eyes, closing out everything around her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                    Chapter 18

 

 

Everything was calm, everything was silent, and AJ wondered if he was sleeping.  Then as the sensation of something cold splashed his face, his eyes shot open and he gasped for air when he was violently woken by ice cold water.  He tried to stand but something was holding him down, like in the house.  As he remembered the events that had happened he looked around and saw a man standing in front of him.

 

“So, we finally meet.” The man said.  “Well you finally meet me, I should say.” He smiled.  As AJ looked Chelsea’s Dad in the eye all the anger he felt, all the revenge he wanted to put out because of what happened rushed through him.  “I was hoping on retrieving my daughter, naughty little thing running away from home like that.”

 

“Fuck you douche bag!” AJ yelled at him.

 

“I hope you don’t use that kind of language around my daughter.” Robson said with a frown.

 

“She’s not your daughter.” AJ gritted through his teeth.

 

“Probably not, her mother was a whore.” The man sighed.  “Pity, what happened.  I thought about telling Chelsea when I found out what Liza did but I dunno, just never got around to it.”  AJ didn’t say anything as he tried to pull on the plastic straps around his wrists.  “Like I was sayin’ I was hoping for my daughter but you were the only one home it seems.”

 

“Lucky me.” AJ huffed.

 

“Well, I figured it a loss until about half way here, then I started to think about how much pain and suffering it would cause Chelsea if I just killed you.” He said with a shrug.  “And I really gotta say killing AJ Mclean looks a lot better on the resume than killing Chelsea Stanely.”  AJ looked at him and it didn’t even appear as a thought that the man was joking, he knew he wasn’t.

 

He wasn’t sure how long he was out so he wasn’t sure how far away from Kevin’s they were and he wasn’t sure which way they had gone.  He started to feel panicky but he tried his best not to show it. 

 

“All this time she dreamed about getting you back, laid in that room and cried her little heart out almost every night for you.  You didn’t care though did you, having a grand ol’ time partying it up.”

 

“I didn’t know she was alive.”  AJ snapped.

 

“No, no you didn’t, too bad too the things I’ve heard, things I’ve read, you would of just ended up ripping her heart out.” The man sighed as he stood up.  “Hell, I should have just left her alone, you would of done enough damage to make me more than happy.”

 

“You fucking son of a bitch!” AJ yelled as he started to hop around in the chair.  Robson laughed as he walked over to a chair and grabbed his jacket that was hanging over the back of it.  Chelsea’s dad continued to laugh as he walked out the front door.

 

“Fuck!” AJ shouted as he jumped in the chair, the restraints holding him down. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!” He screamed and then started crying as he felt helpless and scared.

 

 

 

 

 

Chelsea laid on the couch stretched out, the small throw pillow tucked under her head, she stared at the TV.  Cartman and Kyle yelled back and forth at each other but she couldn’t hear what they were saying because of all the people coming in and out of the house, all the people talking on their cell phones, and the helicopters as they flew over the house.

 

She looked up when she heard the kitchen door open and saw Brian walk out.  He was on his cell phone and he walked outside completely engulfed in his conversation.  Brian and Anne were the only ones there besides all the cops.  Leigh-Anne and Baylee were at Brian’s mom’s right now and Kevin was out looking. She wanted to go but Kevin wouldn’t let her, he said he didn’t need to be worrying about her too. 

 

The adult cartoon went to commercial and Chelsea slowly sat up.  She felt like she was in a daze, she felt tired and unmotivated.  When a bunch of Police came out of the room Chelsea frown and put her hands over her ears.  All the noise was starting to get to her, the people coming and going, she was getting use to the two or three that were at Kevin’s but this many was too much. 

 

Standing up she walked to the front door and looked out the window, there were Sheriffs and FBI men scattered on the porch and front lawn.  She turned around and looked at the kitchen door and sighed knowing she wouldn’t find her solace there.  Quickly she made her way over to the staircase and walked up to the second floor.  Things were better up here, the chatter of everyone down stairs muffled, and she took a deep breath as she walked down the hall. 

 

When she approached her door she reached out for the doorknob but stopped and looked over at the door beside her room, AJ’s room.  She frowned as she thought about him, what he was going through, and then her mind went to the worse.  What if he wasn’t ok, what if her Dad had already done something.  Closing her eyes she pushed the thoughts back and pushed her tears back. 

 

She wanted him there, wanted him to hold her and tell her everything would be ok, that they were both safe.  Slowly she walked over to his door and opened it.  The room of course was empty, his bag lying on his bed, and his clothes from yesterday laid on the floor.  Walking into the room she closed the door behind her and walked over to the bed.  She sat down on the edge and gently touched his black back pack. 

 

Chelsea looked around the room, the empty quiet room.  She could still smell his cologne but with the small hint of cigarettes.  Her emotions had had enough of being pushed away and she covered her mouth quickly as she broke down.  She fought to stop her tears but they just kept coming and soon she gave up the fight.  When she heard the bedroom door open she looked but her heart sank when she saw Kevin standing there.  She looked away still crying as he closed the door and walked over to her.  He didn’t say anything as he sat down on the edge of the bed and wrapped her in a hug.

 

“They found an ATV trail about a mile from the house, leads to Campbell Creek Road were they found what they think are tire tracks to a truck.”  Kevin said as she continued to cry in his arms.  The tracks look like he was headed towards Jackson but he could of turned back around and went to Stanley or..”

 

“Or anywhere” Chelsea said as she slowly pulled away.

 

“They really believe he’s still some where around, he doesn’t have that much of a lead on them.” Kevin reassured her.  “Denise is here.” Kevin said after a moment.  Chelsea’s head snapped up and she started to panic.  “Do you want too..”

 

“No” Chelsea said quickly.  “No no, I can’t.”

 

“Chelsea she doesn’t blame you.” Kevin told her.

 

“She should.” Chelsea snapped quickly.  “Cause I do”

 

“Chels.” Kevin said sadly.

 

“I knew he would do something like this and I should have listened to Dr. Coupe and gone to Chicago, then he wouldn’t of had a reason to come here and Alex would be ok cause he would be in California.” Chelsea said as she started crying again.  She pulled away and laid down on the pillows.  As she lied there with her eyes closed, she laid there motionless, clearing her mind, and calming her tears.

 

“The police and that won’t be here much longer, they’ve set up a new base on Campbell. They have a couple of abandon houses they’re searching over there.” Kevin said as he got up.  “Denise and I are going there after dinner, will you be coming down?”

 

Chelsea opened her eyes and thought about answering but she didn’t and closed her eyes blocking everything out.  Her eyes opened again when she heard the bedroom door click close.  His smell was even more intense now as she laid on his pillow but this time there were no tears, just thoughts.  Thoughts on how she was going to lie here until everyone went to bed and then she was taking a car and heading to Campbell road.  She just hoped driving a car was like riding a bike, once you learn you never forget.

 

 

 

 

 

“Chels?” AJ said as he slowly began to wake.  He raised his head and opened his eyes wider.

 

“Nope, but close.” Chelsea’s father said as he stood in front of AJ.  Before he could say anything Robson cuffed his hand over AJ’s mouth and then began to wrap duck tape around his face, over his mouth.  “Sorry for this but we might be having visitors soon and don’t want you getting mouthy at the wrong time.”

 

AJ muffled through the tape as he stretched across his mouth and goatee.  He wondered who the visitors were, did they fine him? Are they close? He then stopped everything, stopped his movement, stopped his breathing, stopped his thinking and listened for any sign of a noise.  He could hear nothing but the humming of the small heater.

 

“Now” Robson said as he walked over to the corner of the room.  He bent down and picked something up and turned back towards AJ.  His eyes went wide when he saw the long metal barrel in his hand, the wooden stock snapped down as Chelsea’s dad loaded the shotgun.  “I need to make some rounds, don’t be a smart ass and do something Chelsea will regret.”

 

AJ sat there staring at the man as he walked out of the cottage.  Quickly he looked around the room, for something, anything that would get his hands or feet free.  He twisted his body seeing if there was anything behind him he could use and then that’s when he felt it, something tapping against his hand every time he leaned back in the chair.  Turning the other way he still couldn’t get a good look at it but he leaned back and then pulled on his wrist restraints.  He realized the wooden chair spoke his wrists were tied to was broken and he began to wiggle his hands trying to slid then down.

 

He leaned back further against the chair, pushing and pulling, twisting and turning his hands and wrists as he tried to hood the piece of restraint under the chair spoke.  But it was just a little bit too long and he couldn’t lower his arms or shoulders enough to unhook it.  In frustration he growled, he was so close yet so far.

 

The door swung open and he froze and quickly looked up as Chelsea’s Dad slammed it shut.  He sat very still as the man angrily walked over to another side of the house and into a back room.  AJ could hear a rustling sound, a slamming sound, and then Robson burst out of the room, taking off out of the house.

 

AJ exhaled only through his nose, his mouth blocked by the tape.  He sighed and closed his eyes in relief her Dad didn’t clue in to anything.  Something must be going on outside but he still couldn’t hear anything.  Then again maybe there wasn’t and he was freaking out.  Which didn’t make AJ feel any better, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out people can do anything when their like that.

 

Looking around again AJ tried to figure out a way to break the chair.  He needed to get out of hear while Robson was distracted but he needed to do it before he came back in.  He wiggled the chair hoping the momentum would bend and snap the wooden legs.  The legs weakened but it wasn’t working fast enough.  Quickly looking around again AJ looked over to the doorway to the backroom, Chelsea’s Dad left the door open. Carefully and as slowly yet as quickly as he could he hopped his way over to it.  Turning around so the back of the chair was facing the doorway, he twisted his body and lined up the legs as best he could like a golf swing.

 

But then something grabbed his arm and his whole body went stiff, in one second thoughts of Robson catching him now went through his head.  Then he felt the plastic restraints snap off his wrist.  Quickly he turned around, the legs of the chair catching on the archway and sending him down to the floor.  With his wrists free he was able to bring his arms up and stop most of his body from crashing to the ground.  His legs still tied up in the chair, he lied there a moment a little disoriented.  He then felt someone tugging on his legs and he tired to roll over but he couldn’t get around the chair. 

 

Another crashing noise made him jump and then he heard two people shout.  He could hear thumping of foot steps and he rolled around on the floor until he could see what was going on behind him.  His eyes went wide and he went into full panic mode when he saw Chelsea struggling with her Dad.

 

Realizing his arms were free he pushed himself up quickly and reached around the chair untying his legs.  As he stood up he watched as Chelsea was sent flying into the bookshelf.  AJ ran at the shelf as he tipped forward but was stopped Robson’s arm across his chest.  The wind was knocked out of him and he fell to the ground gasping for air.  He felt Robson pick him up from the back of his shirt and there was nothing AJ could do, his mind and body using all its energy to get him breathing again.

 

A loud banging sound went off, for a split second AJ thought it sounded like a fire cracker, and then him and Robson went tumbling to the ground.  When he hit the ground his breath returned to him and he tried to get up as more thumping of feet were heard.

 

“Chelsea.” AJ gasped out as he tried to roll over.

 

“Stay down Mr. Mclean.” A man said as he gently pushed on AJ’s shoulder.  He looked up at him, at the man over top of him as he looked to his right.  AJ looked down following his gaze and saw two men pulling the bookshelf up.  Chelsea laid motionless underneath it.

 

“Chels” AJ gasped out as he sat up quickly but then fell back again as his head started to get woozy. 

 

“What was she doing here?” AJ heard the man say but his voice was becoming muffled.

 

“Chelsea?” AJ whispered as the image of a paramedic over him went blurry and then disappeared.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                    Chapter 19

 

 

...beep…beep…beep…

 

…beep…beep...beep…

 

AJ slowly turned his head towards the noise that woke him up.  He didn’t remember setting his alarm clock to the annoying buzzing.  He lifted his arm to shut it off when he felt someone take his hand.

 

“Alex?” He heard as he slowly opened his eyes to see who was there.

 

“Mom?” AJ said when he heard his mom’s voice.

 

“Yes sweetheart it’s me.”  She said as she started crying a little.  He reached up to his face when he felt something under his nose, his mom stopped him.  “It’s just the air tube.”

 

“Oh.” AJ said as he looked around the room.  He was in the hospital, in a private room, his head hurt, his chest hurt, but the air coming through the tube under his nose was almost soothing, refreshing.  “Chelsea” AJ said as he sat up quickly and grabbed his blankets on his bed.

 

“Alex.” Denise said as she grabbed onto him stopping him.

 

“Where is she?” AJ asked her.  “Where is she Mom?”

 

“You need to calm down, you hit your head pretty good and you don’t want to get upset and pass out or something.” Denise said as she covered him back up but he didn’t lay back against his pillows. 

 

“Mom” AJ said as she looked at him.  He started shaking his head, he fought to get the words out.  “Mom, please tell me she’s ok, don’t…don’t tell me I lost her again.”

 

“I don’t know how she is Alex.” Denise told him.  “She’s in surgery; all I know is what Kevin told me before he left to go to ICU.”

 

“Which was?” AJ asked his voice dry and a little weak.

 

“She had a serious head injury and some internal bleeding.” His Mom said as he looked away.

 

“I wanna go there.” AJ said quickly as he pulled his blanket off.

 

“Alex no you need to lay down and rest.” She said as she tried to stop him.

 

“Mom I’m going there.” He said sternly to her.

 

“No you are not.” She said just as sternly back to him.  “I was sick with worry over you and you’re going to lay back down.”

 

“Mom” AJ pleaded with her.  She looked at him and reached up, gently touching the bandage on his head.

 

“If the doctor says you can, then fine.” She said with a sigh.  “I’ll be right back.”

 

He watched as his Mom walked out and then put his head in his hands.  He didn’t cry, he was too numb feeling nothing besides the pounding of his head and the ache of his chest.  A minute later his Mom walked back into the room with a doctor and he let the man do his job, not sure what he would do if he told him he couldn’t go see her. He wanted to know why she was there and how she got there.

 

“So.” AJ said as the doctor closed his clip board.

 

“You should be well enough if we bring you down there in a wheelchair.” The Doctor told them.

 

“Thank you.” AJ said with a nod as he started to climb out of his bed.  His Mom handed him some hospital pj’s and he changed out of the paper gown into them. By the time he was done a nurse had shown up with a wheelchair for him and he sat down in it as his step dad Tony walked into the room.  The nurse hooked his IV bag up to the holder on the wheelchair and Tony walked behind him.

 

“Alright.” The nurse said with a smile.  She walked over to the door as Tony pushed him behind her and then out of the room. 

 

“How long has she been in surgery?” AJ asked.

 

“Couple of hours I think.” Denise told him.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath quietly to himself.  Two hour surgery, that can’t be good.

 

The elevator dinged and AJ looked up as the steel doors opened and he was pushed onto the lift.  It was weird being on an elevator and sitting.  They went down to the second floor and when the door’s opened he was pushed out.

 

“It’s not on the first floor?” AJ asked.

 

“No that’s emergency and admittance, ICU and Emerg Surgery are on this floor.” Denise told him.  “They should be in the waiting room.”  She told Tony as she pointed to a sign.  AJ looked around as he was wheeled down the hallway, his mom walking beside him.  He saw the signs and the light from the vending machines as they turned the corner.  When they entered the large seating area he saw many people there, Kevin, Kristin, Anne, Brian, and Leigh-Anne.

 

“Hey Man.” Kevin said with a smile as he stood up.  “How are you doing?”

 

“Have you heard anything?” AJ asked.

 

“No.” Kevin said shaking his head. 

 

“What was she doing there?” AJ asked him.

 

“She snuck out of the house, took your rental and drove down to where the police and search teams had set up base.” Kevin told him.  “She had good timing, they were going in and were spotted by him, they think he was too busy with them, and they were to busy with him to even notice her sneaking into the back room from the back window.  Her Dad retreated into the house and saw her untying you.”

 

“That was her” AJ said with a sigh.

 

“Yeah” Kevin nodded.  “I don’t know what she was thinking; she hadn’t said two words to anyone all day since we got home.  She spent all day and all night in the room you were staying in.”

 

“You’re Mom was there for when they got you out and she called us when she saw Chelsea there, we didn’t know she was gone.” Kevin told him.

 

“Have the police talk to you yet?” Anne asked.

 

“No, Mom told the Doctor to tell them I’d be here.” AJ said lightly shaking his head.

 

“How did the bookcase fall on her?” She asked him.

 

“Her Dad threw her into it; I tried to get to it before it fell but her Dad clothes lined me, I think and knocked the wind out of me.  I passed out before I knew anything else.” AJ said to her.  “Where is her Dad?”

 

“Dead” Kevin said.

 

“Seriously?” AJ asked and even through the pain he smiled a little.

 

“Yeah, sniper took him out before he could get you to your feet.” Kevin said and AJ thought back to just before he passed out and the loud bang he heard before he fell to the floor.  “Are you sure it’s ok for you to be here?”

 

“Yes” AJ said to him.  “Doctor said it was ok.”

 

“Don’t know how long he will be able to stay though.” Denise said quickly.

 

“Until she gets out.” AJ told her.

 

“Alex if you should be in bed, then you should go back there.” Kevin said to him.  “You know she would want you too.”

 

“I’m fine and like I said the Doctor said it was ok.”  AJ said again trying to stay calm.

 

“Do you want anything to drink hun?” His Mom asked him.

 

“Juice actually.” AJ said as he looked at the drink machine.  His Mom smiled at him and then headed over it.

 

“Why was she there man?” AJ asked Kevin when his Mom walked away.

 

“Like I said I dunno, with everything going on we thought she was upstairs, we didn’t even think about your car at all until you’re Mom called and we looked out the window.  “She must of left late at night because there were still cops there when I went to bed, and I checked on her, she was sleeping, I think.” AJ sighed as he sat back in his chair and his Mom came back over with his drink.  As he took a sip from the bottle a doctor came in and when Kevin stood up quickly AJ knew this was Chelsea’s Doctor.

 

“How is she?” Anne asked.  “Is she going to be ok?”

 

“Right now she’s ok, she’s out of surgery, we believe we’ve gotten all the internal bleeding to stop but she’s not out of the woods yet.” He told them.  “She had swelling of the brain and we have her in a medical induce coma, when the swelling has gone down to a point were we feel it’s safe, we’ll wake her up and as long as the bleeding has stopped and swelling goes down she should be ok, pending any permanent injuries from the swelling.”

 

“When can we see her?” Kevin asked.

 

“Well we won’t be waking her tonight, so I suggest you all go home and get some rest, we’re going to be running a CAT scan at 8 am we’ll no the results then.” He told them.

 

“Ok.” Kevin nodded.

 

“If one of you wants to stay in her room over night though, that would be ok.” He said with a light smile.

 

“Will you stay Kevin?” Anne asked.

 

“Yeah” Kevin nodded.

 

“I can.” AJ said as they looked at him.

 

“No dude, you’re going back to your room and getting some sleep in a bed.” Kevin told him.  “I’ll come get ya tomorrow when they take her for her test ok?”

 

AJ didn’t want to; he wanted to stay by her, making sure nothing happened to her, making sure he didn’t lose her again.  Reluctantly he nodded and everyone kind of smiled in relief that they wouldn’t have to fight with him over it.  They all began to gather up their things to head home, everyone tired from the last couple of day’s events.

 

“8 am.” AJ said as him, his Mom, Tony, and Kevin stood in the hallway, well they stood.

 

“Yes, I’ll be there.” Kevin said with a light smile.  “Glade you’re safe and ok man.” AJ lightly smiled at his comment.  “Get some rest, ok?”  He nodded again and Kevin said goodbye as he headed down the hall towards Chelsea’s room as his Mom and Tony took him back too his.

 

                                    Chapter 20

 

 

 

Aj sat in the waiting room with Anne and Kevin sitting beside him.  Jerald and Tim were there as well but they weren’t talking to him at all.  Kevin said they were at the house when they got home.  They were all waiting for Chelsea’s Doctor to return to let them know if he was going to wake her up.  He slowly stretched his legs out; they were a little stiff since he had already been sitting for about an hour.  Carefully he stood up and felt a hand on his arm.

 

“You ok?” Kevin asked.

 

“Yeah man, just need to get up and walk around.” Aj replied with a light smile.  Kevin nodded back at him and then he made his way over to the large windows that looked out over the City.  He could see the golf course in the distance and found himself wanting to play a round, help take his mind off everything.

 

“Ok.” A man said from behind him and he quickly turned around and saw everyone standing up as Chelsea’s doctor walked in.

 

“How is she, did the swelling go down?” Kevin asked as Aj walked up to him and Anne.

 

“Yes, the swelling has receded.” He said with a nod as Aj and everyone else exhaled in relief. “And everything looks good to wake her up.”

 

“Can we be with her when you do?” Anne asked.

 

“Yes but there will only be room for two of you while we wake her up.”

 

“Mom and Kevin should go.” Tim said

 

“Actually Alex can go with Kevin.” Anne said as Aj looked at her a little shocked.

 

“Mom.” Jerald said but she stopped him.

 

“Chelsea would want him there.” She said to him and his brother.

 

“Can we go now?” Kevin asked.

 

“Yes follow me.” The Doctor told him.  Aj looked at Anne and she lightly smiled at him when they walked out of the room.

 

“Don’t mind them, they’re playing dad’s part cause he’s not here.” Kevin said as the two walked down the hall behind the Doctor.

 

“Yeah.” Aj said with a light smile.  “It’s ok, but your mom didn’t have to do that, I could have waited.”

 

“Bullshit.” Kevin said under his breath when they stopped behind the Doctor as he stopped to talk to a nurse.  “Besides, Mom is right Chels would want you there.”  Aj lightly smiled as they watched the nurse walk into a room.  He looked in before she closed the door and he saw her, Chelsea laying on the bed.  Tubes and wires scattered across her body, and her head was wrapped in a bandage and a respirator tube pushed air into her lungs.  Aj closed his eyes as the door closed over her.  He took a deep breath and calmed his feelings. 

 

“Alright follow me.” The Doctor said as he closed his clip board and walked them into the room.  “Don’t be alarmed by the respirator, it’s for her safety, her breathing while in the coma is very shallow and we will take her off it when she wakes up.” He told them as Aj stared at the tube coming from her mouth.  “What we are going to do is stop the flow of Anesthesia; it will take a couple of hours for it to leave her system to the point where she can wake up on her own.” The Doctor told them.  “There is a chance she could wake up right away but it is very unlikely.”

 

“Ok.” Kevin said with a nod.

 

The two stood at the side of her bed as the nurse took one of the IV bags off the IV stand.  They watched as the Doctor looked at the monitor, checked her pulse and wrote something down in his clip board.  A couple of minutes later after the nurses had adjusted the monitors and some of the monitoring patches on her chest and head they left the room.

 

“Like I said it will most likely take a couple of hours but it’s good to have family around when she does. She will probably panic a little because of the respirator so try to get her calm as soon as possible and tell her to just relax and let it breath for her.” The Doctor told them.  “There will be nurses coming in every half hour to check on her, I’ll be back in an hour, if she wakes up then come and get the nurse.”  He said to them as he walked over to the door.

 

“Family can come and see her but not too many in the room please, in case we need to get in.” The Doctor said.

 

“In case?” Kevin asked.

 

“Her body or brain might not react well to her waking up, there might be something we’re missing.  We will know when she wakes up.” He told them.

 

“Alright.” Kevin said with a nod and Aj could tell it made Kevin worry as much as it made him worry.  Aj sat down in the chair that was behind him and he looked at Kevin.  He stood over her bed staring at her. 

 

“What’s up?” Aj asked as his voice made Kevin turn and look at him.

 

“Just thinking.” Kevin said as he looked back at Chelsea, then he sat down in the chair beside Aj. 

 

“Thinking, it really is over rated.” Aj sighed.  Kevin looked at him and then started laughing a little.

 

“I was just thinking about what has happened in the past month.  First she was gone, never coming back, then she was back right there in front of us, and then she was almost gone again.”

 

“I know.” Aj said as he looked at her.  She looked like she was in a deep sleep, guess she kind of was.  Her face looked sunken and pail, it was hard to see with the tube in the way.

 

 “You should have seen her when we got back to the house and saw the broken window.  She took off for the front porch without thinking, I almost didn’t catch her and when I did it took everything I had to hold on to her.”

 

“Freaked her out huh?” Aj said as he looked back to Kevin.

 

“Freaked ain’t the word man.” Kevin said lightly shaking his head.  “She was terrified Alex, she knew about everything that could happen to you and she played it all out in her head in about thirty seconds.”  Aj sighed lightly as he rubbed his hand over his mouth.  “This is more than what her Doctor was talking about, the Love Therapy it’s more than that. She needs you and she needs whatever it is that you two have.”

 

Aj was about to say something when there was a knock at the door.  The two guys looked to the solid wooden door and saw Anne walk into the room.  She frowned when she looked at Chelsea.

 

“The Doctor said it might take a couple of hours.” Kevin said as he stood up and walked over to her.

 

“I know.” She said with a light smile.  “I just came to let you know we’re going to get something to eat, did you two want to come?”

 

“Sure, I could use something.” Kevin said with a nod. “Alex?”

 

“Naw” Aj said shaking his head.  “I’m good.”

 

“You’ve been eating hospital food, you gotta want something.” Kevin said as Aj looked over at Chelsea.  “Ok.” Kevin said catching the point even though Aj didn’t really make one.  “But when I get back, you’re going down to the café and getting something.”

 

“Ok.” Aj said with a light smile as Kevin reached for the door.  “If Ma is there tell her to go to ok?”

 

“Sure.” Kevin nodded and then he closed the door.

 

Aj sat back in his chair; he exhaled as he ran his hands through his hair and looked at Chelsea. He watched as her chest went up and then down.  He listened as a high beep went off and then another beep, the sound of the respirator pump pushing the air into the tube, and the clicking sound it made after each time it refilled with air. The sounds were almost hypnotic and he found his eyes getting heavy. He closed them for a moment and when he opened them again he saw Kevin and Anne sitting on the other side of the room talking.

 

“Hey you’re awake.” He heard Kevin say as he sat up rubbing his eyes.

 

“Huh?” Aj said confused as he looked around. 

 

“We came back from eating and you were sleeping been out for a couple of hours.” Kevin said as Aj realized he had a blanket and pillow with him.

 

“I don’t even remember closing my eyes.” Aj said as he sat up.  He then remembered Chelsea and looked over at her.

 

“She’s still out.” Kevin said as he looked back at him.  “Should be soon though, we were going to wake in you in a half hour anyways.”

 

“Your Mom is out in the waiting room if you want to go see her.” Anne said as Aj lightly smile.

 

“You’re food is out there too, not allowed eating in here.” Kevin told him.

 

“I can wait.” Aj said as he adjusted himself in the chair.

 

“Aj” Kevin said and he looked at him.  “Go eat.” He took a deep breath and nodded.

 

“Alright” He sighed as he stood up and set the blanket on the bed.

 

“Don’t worry if she flinches we’ll come get you.” Kevin told him as he walked him to the door.  Aj lightly smiled as he left the room and headed down to the waiting area.  When he walked in he saw Kris, his Mom, Tony, Brian, Tim and Jerald all sitting around the room.

 

“Is she awake?” Kristin asked when she saw Aj walk out.

 

“No” Aj said shaking his head.  “I just came out to get something to eat.”

 

“Kevin said you were sleeping.” Denise said as she handed him his box of food when he sat down beside her. 

 

“Yeah, must of passed out in the chair after you guys left.” He said with a light smile.  When he open the box lid the aroma of the food hit his nose and even though it was almost cold it still smelled a hundred times better than the shit he was eating at the hospital.

 

“I’ll grab you a Dew.” Tony said as Aj started eating.

 

“Thanks Dad.” Aj nodded with a mouthful of food.

 

“Did you talk to the police yet?” Kristin asked as she sat down beside him.

 

“Yeah, there were waiting for me at my room last night.” Aj said with a nod.

 

“What did they want to know?” Brian asked.

 

“What happened at the house, at the cabin we were in, what I remembered about Chelsea showing up.” Aj said as he took another mouthful of food.  When he finished that bite Tony came over with his soda and he took a break from eating and opened the can.  Aj sat there quietly eating his food and drinking his Mountain Dew as everyone else around him talked.  He didn’t pay much attention to the conversations his mind busy with thoughts of Chelsea. 

 

“Well I better get back.” Aj said as he stood up.

 

“We’ll be here.” Denise smiled at him and he smiled back at her.  He walked down the hall back towards Chelsea’s room and he looked up when he heard a door open.  He saw Kevin walk out of Chelsea’s room and look down the hall and then he looked down the other way towards Aj.

 

“Hey.” Kevin nodded.  “She’s waking up.”

 

“Seriously.” Aj said as he started to rush down the hall faster.

 

“I’m going to grab the nurse or Doctor, whatever.” Kevin said as he kept walking down the hall.  Aj opened the door and walked into the room, he saw Anne standing at Chelsea’s bedside.  Anne looked at him and then gently waved him over.  He walked over to her bedside but she didn’t look awake.

 

“She’s moving around.” Anne said as she looked at Aj.  He looked back at Chelsea and this time he too saw her move.  She moaned as her hand slowly lifted from the bed, her eyes fluttered a little and she reached for the tube.  Aj quickly took her hand and her eyes opened a little wider.  She started choking a bit and again reached for the respirator.

 

“Relax.” Aj said to her as he stopped her from taking the tube. She looked at him confused; her eyes were still a little dazed.  “It’s ok Chelsea you just gotta let it do the breathing for you, just relax sweetheart.”  Her eyes closed and then a moment later opened back up again.  She tried saying something, it was muffled and he saw that it hurt her a little but he had a feeling he knew what she said.

 

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Aj said with a light smile on his face.  “You on the other hand have some serious explaining to do.” He said with a sarcastic tone.  Her eyes fluttered a little and he could just make out the smile behind the tube and tape.

 

The door opened and Aj and Anne turned to see who was coming in.  It was the Doctor and Kevin; he was followed by Kristin, Jerald and Tim.  Everyone took a spot in the room making sure not to crowd her.

 

“I am going to ask you some questions Chelsea blink once for yes and twice for no ok?”  Aj looked at her as she blinked once.  “We’ll take the tube out as soon as we make sure your lungs are strong enough ok?” Chelsea blinked again. “ok.” The Doctor smiled.  Aj stood there holding her hand as she answered the Doctors questions.  How she was feeling, did her head hurt, was the pain sharp or throbbing or even both and he checked to see if she could wiggle her fingers and toes.

 

Aj let go of her hand and took a step back from the bed as a nurse came over to him.  They were getting ready to take out the respirator tube.  He looked at the door wondering if he should leave with everyone else.  Looking back at her he saw her staring at him, he looked in her eyes and he saw how scared she was.

 

“Alex you coming?” Kevin said standing at the door.

 

“No” He said to Kevin as he shook his head.

 

“Ok” Kevin nodded and then closed the door behind him.

 

“Chelsea I’m going to sit you up you’re going to feel some pressure on your chest if it starts to hurt let me know alright?” The nurse said to her, Chelsea lightly nodded and the nurse softly smiled at her.  Aj didn’t really know what he was doing; he hated needles, hospitals and all of that, it made him light headed and woozy.  He knew how they took the tubes out, he had seen it on those reality hospital shows but she needed him and some how he found it in him to be there.  He held her hand and helped her sit up, he coached her as she breathed out and the Doctor removed the tube. He kept her calm as she choked and gasp for air as her real breath escaped from her lungs and returned.

 

“Just relax for a few minutes and try not to talk too much; I’ll have the nurse bring you some juice.” The Doctor said with a light smile as a nurse tucked a pillow behind Chelsea. When the Doctor left it was just them, no nurses, no family, just the two of them.

 

Aj felt something touch his pinky and he looked down at his hand.  He saw three fingers lightly wrapped around the smallest of his fingers and he looked at Chelsea.  Her head was wrapped in a bandage and she looked half out of it. Sliding his fingers through hers he sat down on the edge of the bed.  He looked at her fingers, then back at her as he brought them to his lips and gently kissed them.  Then without giving it another thought he leaned in and kissed her.  He kissed her like he did when they were sixteen and he didn’t care that the nurse, Kevin, Anne or even Kevin’s brothers could walk in at any moment.

 

            “What were you thinking?” Aj asked as he pulled away but only a little bit.

 

“That I wasn’t going to let him take you away from me too.” She said as a tear dripped from his eye.  He looked at her and lightly smiled then gently kissed her forehead.

 

“How did you get there so fast?” He wondered.

 

“The back roads, Kevin and I use to ride the dirt bikes down them all the time.” She said as the door opened.

 

“Well there’s a sight for sore eyes.” Kevin said as he walked into the room.  Aj stood up and let the family in.  Everyone was still there and even his Mom had joined them.  As Anne walked over and hugged Chelsea, Aj sat down in the chair by the bed.  He looked down at his fingers and noticed the black nail polish was almost gone.  Looking up Chelsea caught his eye and he saw a small smile on her face.

 

“I love you.” He mouthed as they looked at each other.  She didn’t say anything but she blinked, once.

 

 

                                    Chapter 21

 

 

            Hey it’s you again, good to see you. Yeah, as you can tell I’m in a better mood then when you saw me last time and the knee is much better, well for today anyways. Things have changed, fuck have they changed and it’s for the better.  Remember that girl I told you about, Kevin’s sister Chelsea? Well it turns out she was very much alive.  The police finally tracked down her dad to a place in Mexico but he got away before they could catch him.  He left in a hurry and he left her behind.  Man, she was a mess, she would freak out because of certain things, or loud noises or something as simple as a dream would send her into a tailspin.

 

            I will always remember that morning Kevin called me at my hotel room, telling me I needed to see him right away.  Walking into the room and watching him pull back the curtain, seeing her sitting in a chair curled up and shaking.  Fuck I thought I was confused about my life before, it was nothing compared to what I went through when she came back.  I was confused wondering if I still loved her, wondering if she still loved me, wanting to take her into my arms but wanting to stay away so she wouldn’t get hurt.  And just when I thought I was getting my shit together her dad kidnapped me.  I’m sure you heard about that, it was all over the news but I was in the hospital so I didn’t see much of the coverage. 

 

            Not because of me no, I was with Chelsea she got hurt pretty bad and there was a time there, which felt like an eternity, that I thought I had lost her all over again.  Seeing her in the hospital bed, the bandage over her head and the tube down her throat, it just made everything come into place, no more second guessing me or her doctors.  I still don’t know how I managed to suck it up when they removed that damn thing.

 

            I stayed there with her for a couple of more days, and then I had to get back out on the road with the guys.  It was hard, I ain’t gonna lie and there was a moment there were I just wanted to call it in.  Everyone knows who she is now, well somewhat, because of the news of me getting kidnapped by her dad; I just wanted to be with her.  But that girl she has a way of knowing what I’m thinking and she told me to go, that she would be fine and as soon as she got the ok from her Doctor she would join me.

 

            It’s been a month now since her dad attacked me; I’m in Germany with the fella’s getting ready for the concert.  The Doctor gave her the ok a week ago and it’s been nice having her here, really nice.  She’s back at the hotel napping, I was there too but needed a smoke.

 

Chelsea’s doing alright now, there was a little bit of damage from the swelling, nothing major but she has some problems talking usually only when she’s upset, things in her mind go to fast for her and it gets jumbled, it gets messy and hard for her to communicate her words, she can’t get out what she wants to say but fuck, who hasn’t had days like that. She still has dreams that will send her into a panic, they haven’t been too bad, nothing a hug and a kiss from me can’t cure. As far as loud noises and such, she’s pretty much gotten past that.  Her dad is dead and she has nothing to be afraid of anymore.  She’s ready to move on and that’s what she’s doing, even though some people already think we’re moving to fast for her.

 

As for me and her things are going well, I have more solo shows coming up and I’m fucking psyched she will be there for them, that she can be here for this. We’re getting closer every day and every night.  Kevin’s brothers aren’t that happy about it, they still think I’ll hurt her.  I don’t know if I will or won’t but I want her in my life, apart of my life and I don’t care what others think. And you know what I’m going to leave it at that.  Everyone knows about us now, there is no secret anymore, and she is no longer my breathless mistress. So as far as things with me and her go, I’m keeping them between Chels and I.  Sorry guys.  Ok, I’ll say one thing, I took my socks off.

 

Until we meet again ladies, hope to see you at a show, who know’s maybe you’ll see her there.