Best friends turned lovers.
Suddenly everything falls apart and they go their seperate ways but, one has a secret and hasn't told anyone until now.
A chance encounter changes everything. Will they rekindle their love for eachother or will they continue to live their seperate lives?
Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters:
1. Prologue by michxxblc
2. Chapter 1 by michxxblc
3. Chapter 2 by michxxblc
4. Chapter 3 by michxxblc
5. Chapter 4 by michxxblc
6. Chapter 5 by michxxblc
7. Chapter 6 by michxxblc
8. Chapter 7 by michxxblc
9. Chapter 8 by michxxblc
10. Chapter 9 by michxxblc
11. Chapter 10 by michxxblc
12. Chapter 11 by michxxblc
13. Chapter 12 by michxxblc
14. Chapter 13 by michxxblc
15. Chapter 14 by michxxblc
16. Chapter 15 by michxxblc
17. Chapter 16 by michxxblc
18. Chapter 17 by michxxblc
19. Chapter 18 by michxxblc
20. Chapter 19 by michxxblc
21. Chapter 20 by michxxblc
If you're out there
If you're somewhere
If you're moving on
I'll be waiting for you
Wary, since you've been gone
I just want it back the way it was before
And I just want to see you back at my front door
I could think of a few other words when it comes to 'relationships' but, I think we'll start off with the basics. Not all relationships are trouble. Some are good. Some last 'forever'. Some are healthy and there are those that are... not so healthy. Sometimes I say it's always best to be single but, others times; that theory goes out the window. It's always a good thing to have that someone. That someone that you can always count on. Someone that you know will always be there with you in every step of the way. Someone that you know is not going to let you down and you could trust with everything; with your life. That someone that when you look at them you say to yourself: "This is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with." The one that you love with everything you have and every breathe you take. That someone that you share your whole entire life with. It might sound cheesy but, it's true.
Last night I heard my own heart beating
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs
Six months gone and I'm still reaching
Even though I know you're not there
I was playing back a thousand memories, baby
Thinking 'bout everything we've been through
Maybe I've been going back too much lately
When time stood still and I had you
There is always that someone.
I had that someone. He was my everything. My heart, body, soul, mind. We were together for 3 years. Our relationship was just one big roller coaster. We had our ups and down; ins and outs but, in the end we really did love eachother but, I guess our love wasn't enough to save our relationship. I don't blame him for anything that happend. I blame myself. I was too young. Too stupid to even realize everything that was happening right under my nose but I don't hate him. It's been almost a year since I've last seen him and I find myself looking at some of our pictures, our letters. Thinking about him and wondering where he's at in his life. After our break-up we both went our seperate ways and never looked back since. Sometimes I miss him. Sometimes I don't. The memories that we shared were the most amazing memories I have ever shared with him and, I hold those very close to my heart. Everything just happend so fast.
Now here I am.
Alone and missing him.
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You could, you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now
Song used: "If This Was A Movie" by Taylor Swift
"I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in
"Come on stupid traffic!" I yelled while honking my horn. "Late. Great. She's going to kill me!"
So let's just say that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Definitely not how I wanted to start my day. I was suppose to meet Maggie for lunch at 12:00. It's now 12:30 and I'm pretty much stuck in this god awful LA traffic.
"Okay, we're moving. This is progress. Come on people! Don't stop on me now. I have a freaking meeting to go to!"
And then... it stopped.
This is gonna be a LONG day.
* * *
"Hey! I'm so sorry I'm late. Got caught up in traffic once again. I don't even know why I decided to move back to this place. This traffic is just--"
"Well, hello to you too indeed. Take a breather. Sit. Give me a hug. You're rambling like a mad woman!"
Emma hugged her friend, Maggie and took her coat off, sat down and took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm fine. Just stressed. Awful traffic. But, how are you?" She asked her friend.
"I'm great. Work's alright. Josh and I are fine. You seem a bit tense. Like something's wrong with you. What's up?"
"No, I'm fine." She waved it off.
"Don't lie to be Em. You're not a very good liar. Did you forget that we've been best friends since we were like in diapers? I know you like the back of my hand. Something's wrong and you're going to tell me."
"I just..." She sighed. "Okay. It's been bothering me since last night... I mean, this might sound stupid but, yesterday I was looking through some old pictures and..."
"OH no. Not this again."
"Yeah. I came across pictures of... Nick. Me. Us."
"Oh honey. I know how the break-up was hard for you. I really do but, he hurt you. Really bad."
"No. See, that's where you're wrong. WE both hurt eachother. I just, being here... brings back so many memories. I thought I was past that part of my life. I thought I was over him but honestly, I don't really think I am. It's only been a year."
"So why did you move back? For him? Because, I have to tell you if he really DID care for you, he would've called. He would've visited. He KNOWS where you live Emma. I mean, for crying out loud you both live in the same neighborhood. He hasn't bothered since so, why should you--"
"No!" She yelled, interrupting her friend. "I didn't move back because of him. I moved back cause this is home to me. Even though we have memories here. This place will always be home and I'm just trying to find my own place in this little world."
"I know you are. It just takes time to get over something like that but, he's an ass. He's like the assho- Oh, I'm sorry."
She smiled sweetly and laughed. "It's okay. He is an ass. But, enough about me and my problems. What's going on with the event tonight?"
"Oh YES! Right." Her friend scrambled to get the papers out. "Okay. These are all the papers..." She said handing them to Emma. "The event is at Katsuya."
"Katsuya." She whispered to herself.
She just had to do it there, right? Don't get me wrong. I have no problem with Katsuya. In fact, I love that restuarant but, I have way too many memories there.
Nick. Our first date.
Our first official date as a couple. We did go out before. We could've considered those our "dates" but, this one has always stood out to me the most. It was amazing. We spent the majority of the night talking, laughing and just enjoying eachother's company. For the first time, I saw him in a whole other light and not because he was just Nick Carter... it was then that I realized that he was MY Nick as shelfish as that sounds. I saw him as a regular guy. Just Nick. A boy from a small town in Florida and my best friend. That was also the moment that I realized I was falling even more in love with him.
"EMMA?! Helloooooo." Maggie waved a hand in front of her face. "Jesus, where did you run of t- OH, I'm sorry. I forgot Katsuya is where... God, I'm really sorry!"
"No, no. It's fine." She smiled. "Really it is. It's not like he's going to be there anyways. Really, don't worry about it. It's fine. Just give me the details and time."
"Okay so the times are..." She continued.
I blocked her out though. I know I shouldn't have but, something about what I said have was lingering in my head. 'It's not like he's going to be there anyways.' Maybe I'm just putting too much thought this. Stupid me. He won't be there.
Her friend's voice broke her thoughts. "So now you have all the information. Let me know when you get there and I'll let you right in, okay?"
"Yeah, sure. Sure, I'll definitely be there...with bells on." She smiled sweetly.
"Okay. I need to head out now. Josh keeps calling and you know what that means."
Emma laughed. "Alright, alright. Go home. I'll call you later."
They both stood up and hugged eachother and as Maggie walked away, she called out to Emma.
"Oh hey Em?"
"Yeah?" She turned around to face her friend.
"I know you still love him but, don't worry. He lost something really special." She smiled and turned away.
Somehow, I knew she was talking about Nick and as her words lingered in the air; I felt a single tear rolling down my face.
"It won't be long
Till the summer's gone
Get your party on
So sing along
Hold on tight
It's a crazy night
Get your party on
And were screaming
"EMMA! You better get your ass down here or you're going to miss the party! It's been... fifteen minutes already!" Maggie yelled up the stairs to Emma.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" She yelled out, opening the bathroom door. "Just let me put my shoes on and I'll be right there!"
Geez! Can't a girl get dressed without people bothering?! She thought to herself as she looked at herself in the mirror one last time.
She had beautiful, silky, long blonde hair, blue eyes that a man could drown in and rich, full pink lips that were begging to be kissed and an hourglass figure that belonged in old hollywood movies. She was amazingly beautiful. Inside and out. She could have any man she wanted but, she only wanted one. Taking one last glance in the mirror, she ran her fingers through her long blonde hair and made sure that her dress was wrinkle free and fit right at her curves. She quickly glanced at her watch and knew it was time go.
Here goes nothing. She thought to herself.
* * *
"Okay. I'm ready! Let's go!" She said, bolting down the stairs. "Oh hey Patrick."
"Hi, Emma. Wow, you look... amazing." He stared at her, mouth open, stunned.
She blushed. "Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself."
Patrick was someone I had met after Nick and I broke up. He was tall, dark and certaintly handsome but, nothing was there. I guess you could say he wasn't the tall, blonde and blue eyed guy that I was looking for. There just wasn't anything serious. We went out a few times and enjoyed ourselves. I enjoyed his company and it was nice to have him around after our break-up. We were just friends.
* * *
Right there in big, bold letters was the name of my past memory.
It was the place that Nick and I had first date. The place that he had always taken me to throughout our time together. We have shared many memories there; including some... really hot sex in the bathrooms. I blushed just thinking about those memories. Now, here I am, still sitting in the car and wondering what the hell I am even doing here. Oh right, Maggie's party. I looked out the window and noticed how everyone was dressed. Elegant. I looked down at my dress. So not elegant. I sighed.
"Okay, Mag, please tell me again WHY I even thought of wearing this see through dress?!" I exclaimed.
"It's fine. Nothing's wrong with it. You look great!"
"I feel... weird. Everyone's dressed nice. I feel like I am OVER dressed for the occassion."
"First, it's my party and you're allowed to dress however you see fit. All eyes are going to be on you tonight and again, you look amazing." She leaned over her friend and whispered, "Even Patrick thinks so."
"Oh god, don't even mention it. He's been hitting on me all night and I don't want all eyes on me. It's YOUR party not mine."
"So." She shrugged
"Yeah. So." Maggie said, applying some lipstick. "He likes you. You like him. What's wrong with that picture?"
"Nothing is wrong with that. I just... don't see him like that. He's just a friend. We're friends. Nothing more. He's a nice guy and I appreciate him being my so called date tonight."
"You look fine! Stop worrying about it. You're going to be the most beautiful girl there. Now let's get out of this hot as hell car and eat. I'm starving." She exclaimed, opening the door.
I honestly would not want a job like that. They are the scums of the scums. It's like they eat, sleep and breathe just stalking celebrities. All the stupid stories they make up or take a zillion pictures. It's ridiculous. You're probably wondering why I hate them, right? They affected mine and Nick's relationship alot over the years. They always made him out to be a really bad person. It's like they would never leave him alone. After the whole debacle with a certain Ms. Hilton, the media and paparazzi had a field day with that. Once they got a wind that Nick and I were together, they constantly hounded us. Everywhere we went, one of those creepers was always following us. I remember a few instances where we had to stay cooped up in our hotel rooms because, they were either fans all over the hallways or down at the lobbies or paparazzi sitting outside. It was a crazy life but, it was our life. Together. Sometimes I really do miss it because when all the chaos was happening, we still had eachother and he always found a way to make me forget it all.
* * *
"So, Patrick... what is it that you do? Like career wise?" Maggie asked.
"I'm actually studying in the medical field." Patrick smiled and then looked at Emma.
"Oh, wow. Impressive. What kind of doctor?"
"Children's doctor. Pediatric."
"Oh, that's awesome. So you like working with kids and all of that?" Maggie asked, looking at Emma.
"Yeah, yeah. I love working with them. Children are just absolutely amazing. It's a really amazing feeling when you make them feel so much better and you see them smile at you. They're just so innocent and sometimes it really hurts to see them have to go through all the illness and medical stuff that some of them go through." He beamed, proudly.
"Oh, wow! I do have to agree with you on that one. I may not have kids myself but, I do have a neice and a nephew and they are my whole entire world. Do you have any kids, Patrick?"
Here we go. I knew that question was coming. For some strange reason when Maggie had asked Patrick that infamous question, she looked straight at me and I knew why. I instantly felt uncomfortable. I want to scream. I wanted to run out of there. Everything was going smoothly. We were all enjoying our night; just talking and laughing and getting to know one another. Maggie didn't really know much about Patrick. I only told her the basics. I mean, what's there to know, right? Him and I are just friends. I guess she thinks that I need someone new in my life so that I can get over Nick but, really... how DO you get over someone who had been apart of your life for years? We may have only dated for 3 but, I pretty knew Nick for more then that. I tried. I really did try but, I just can't.
"One day..." He said turning to Emma and smiling sweetly at her. "One day, I'll have the perfect wife and have the perfect children with her."
Uncomfortable was the right word for this situation. I really needed an escape.
"Um. Excuse me. I'm going to... um..." points towards the restrooms, "to the uh... restroom. Be right back."
"Oh, I'm going to go with you. Excuse me." Maggie excused herself and made her way towards the restroom.
* * *
"What the hell is your problem?!" Emma yelled, slamming the door and locking it.
"Em. Calm down. I was just asking--"
"I KNOW what you were asking him." She yelled, interrupting her friend. "Jesus! Maggie, you know how I feel about stuff like that!
"I know. I'm sorry. I was just trying to get to know him. As your best friend, I just want to see if--"
"IF what? If he is right for me? If he was "up to your standards"? He shouldn't be. He doesn't NEED to be. Him and I are just friends. That's it. I don't even know how many times I have to repeat myself. I shouldn't even have to be giving you or anyone an explaination."
"No, that's not it at all. You got it all wrong Emma."
"NO. YOU and everyone else got it wrong. I don't NEED anyone in my life. No one. I'm perfectly happy and content with how everying is at the moment."
"Yeah, at the moment and, if you were really happy and content with your life right now, why were you thinking about Nick last night?
"What?" She finally turned to look at her friend. "THIS..." pointing between herself and Maggie, "has nothing to do with Nick, if that's what you think."
"THEN why are you acting this way? Why are you acting SO defensive as if someone killed your freaking puppy?!"
"Because... because... you asked him that stupid question! You know how I feel about THAT."
"Why? Shouldn't you be over with it by now?" Maggie shrugged turning to the mirror to fix her hair.
"REALLY?! Really? IN-FUCKING-SENSTIVE is what you are. My best friend? Yeah, okay. You should know why it bothers me so much!" She said grabbing her stuff and heading towards the door.
She finally turned to her friend saying, "And, just so you know, when you lose something like I have, you never get over it. Never. So to answer your question... No, I'm NOT over and I don't think I ever will be." And with that, she was gone leaving Maggie speechless, looking at herself in the mirror.
"HEY! Emma, hold on!" Patrick yelled out to her. "Where are you going so fast?"
"I'm...going home. I'm sorry. It has nothing to do with you. I just want to go home." She stepped away from him and started walking.
"Okay, okay. I'll drive you back."
"No." She turned back to him. "No. I'm fine, really. I'll call a cab. Just stay with Maggie. Enjoy your night. I really...need to be alone tonight. I'm sorry Patrick."
Patrick just stood there, in the middle of the restuarant, dumbfounded. "Women."
* * *
I can't believe her. I really can't believe her. How insenstive can she really be to ask me shouldn't I be over it. I'm not and I will never be and Maggie knows that. She was there through everything. Through that part of my life when I couldn't even face Nick to tell him what was happening. The only reason why I wouldn't tell him is because I was scared. I was scared that he would just leave, scared that he wouldn't be there for me. Just completely scared and I didn't want him to feel that way either. He was at the height of his career and he was having fun with it. I didn't want to rain on his parade, so to speak. I didn't want to ruin anything for him.
She wiped away the tears that were flowing from her eyes. She was standing outside of Katsuya, waiting for her cab when she saw a whole bunch of guys walking towards the entrance of the club.
"Okay, so check it. Remember that one chick I told you about last night?" The first guy asked.
"Yeah. The smoking hot brunette one?" The blonde one answered.
"Yeah, her. Man, she is a WILD one. Totally crazy. She came over my house last night and she just like... took her cloth-- Hey man, isn't that your ex girlfriend?"
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"That one." The guy pointed at the girl. "The blonde one right there. Damn, she's looking FINE."
After looking at the girl his friend pointed out, he turned to him. "Dude. Um, that IS her. That's Emma."
"THAT girl right there?! That's Emma?! Bro, why the hell didn't you keep on tapping that--"
"Okay, look, just..." He turned to look at the girl once more. "Just wait for me inside. I'll be there in like 10 minutes."
As his friends were going into the club, he waited for about 5 minutes before approaching her.
He knew it was her.
It had to be her.
"Uh... shit. Uh, Emma?"
I had felt someone approaching me but, I didn't dare turn around. It was probably one of these stupid drunks who have nothing better to do but, then again...how would this person even know my name? And as I listened closely to the stranger saying my name again, I realized I knew that voice. I turned around and as I took notice of the person in front of me, I felt the wind get knocked out of me.
We stood there, staring at eachother for nearly 10 minutes before I found my voice again.
It was him.
He was here.
Right in front of me.
I really wish someone could pinch me but, why was he here and why was he standing here talking to me?
That's it? It had been a whole year and all he could say was a hi. Nothing else. Nothing about not calling, not visiting. Nothing at all.
I didn't really know what else to say. So many thoughts were running through my mind at that very moment. I wanted to jump into his arms and tell him how much I've missed him, how much I needed him, how much I wanted him but I couldn't. So, I just took a different route.
"Listen, I'm-- Hey, are you okay?" He asked moving towards her.
"I'm... I'm okay. Just waiting for a cab ride home." She said, looking around.
"Um, well I cou-- I mean, if you need a ride.. I could, you know, give you a ride back or something... if you want, that is."
A ride huh? Why is he offering me a ride home? Why is he even being nice to me? Shouldn't he be hanging out with his friends instead of worrying about me? This is getting awkward by the minute. I haven't seen him in a whole entire year and now here he is, standing here asking me if I'm okay and if I need a ride back home. Something tells me I really should've brought my car tonight... or should've just let Patrick take me back but, as always, he would've been asking me a thousand and one questions and I really didn't need or want that. What I really want is just to get home so I can crawl into my bed and sleep this whole entire night off. Instead I'm standing here, in front of a restuarant, talking to the one person who I thought I would never see again.
"I'm fine. Thank you for the offer though. I'll just wait." I said, looking away from him.
"Stubborn, as always. Figures." He whispered under his breathe.
Or what he thought was under his breathe because, I actually heard it.
"Stubborn?" I turned my head so quickly to look at him I thought it was going to snap right off. "I really don't think we should be talking about anyone being stubborn right now, Nick."
"I'm sorry, I thought you didn't--"
"Didn't hear you. I know. Maybe I just have selective hearing and only listen to the things I want to listen to. You know a few things about that, don't you?"
He sighed, "Look, I really don't want to stand here in the front of a restuarant, arguing with you or whatever it is you're trying to do. Just take my offer on the ride, I'll drop you off and we'll just go our merry ways and just forget this whole thing even happend."
"Really? Huh. That's just easy for you to say. That's so generous of you, Nick but, no thank you."
I looked at her. I really looked at her. Who was she and what had she done with my Emma? The Emma I first met. The one who was sweet to even those who were mean to her. The one who wouldn't even say "no" to anyone who said it to her. She's different now. Was it my fault? Was I the reason that she has changed so much? I haven't seen her for a year. I know it's bad but, I had my reason to stay away. Reasons that maybe she doesn't even know about. Seeing her here tonight changed alot for me. I really didn't think we'll be meeting up this way, under these circumstances. If I was another guy, I probably would've just walked by her and not even give a shit but, I do. She's standing there, alone, at night. She looked like she had been crying but when I asked her, she told me she was fine. I don't believe her though. I guess she forgot that I know her more then she probably even knows herself. I know I did wrong. I knew I should've called. I knew where she lived, I knew where she worked. I knew everything. I just couldn't find the courage to do it. I didn't want to call one day and just have her tell me that she hates me and then hang up in my face. I know it's not an excuse she wants to hear but, I just couldn't do it.
"You know, if you're just going to stand there and stare at me all night, you might as well take a picture. It'll last longer." She smiled smuggly at him, breaking his thoughts.
"I'm sorry. I was just-- you know what? I'm just being nice here. I could've just easily walked past you and not even care."
"So then why didn't you?"
"Because, I can't." He whispered softly.
"I said because I can't. I couldn't walk past you and just leave you here by yourself, crying."
"I wasn't crying. Who said I was crying? Why do you always assume stuff?"
"I'm not assuming and you could've fooled me. You seem to forget that I KNOW you. I'm not just some stranger you met, Em."
"DON'T call me that." She glared at him.
"What?" He asked, confused.
"I said don't call me Em."
"I'm sorry? Okay, fine. I won't call you that. Sheesh."
"Don't you have somewhere to be?" She asked, waving her hand for him to go away.
"You want to get rid of me that fast?" He smirked.
"HA. Yeah, real funny Carter."
"Look, can't you just accept the ride? Maybe we could go somewhere to talk? I really really don't want to stand here. We kind of look... stupid."
God, where the hell is this cab when I really need it? All I want to do is go home for crying out loud. She thought to herself. She looked around to see if there was a cab insight.
"He's not coming." He said, suddenly.
"What?" Now it was her turn to look at him, confused.
"Your cab. It's not going to come."
She looked around again, ignoring the blonde that was standing in front of her. She sighed. "Okay, you win. I accept your oh so kind generous offer but, your friends?"
"They're all probably shitfaced and don't even know I've been gone this long." He laughed, leading the way to his car. He opened the door to the passenger side. "Hop in."
I stood there, staring at him. Since when did he become the nice gentleman that would open the doors for a lady?
"Well?" He asked, impatiently.
Or maybe not so gentlemen.
She sighed. "Fine." She said, walking towards the opening door. "No funny business either Carter! I MEAN IT."
He glared at her. "Really? What am I gonna do? It's just a ride home. Just be grateful for it. I'm not going to try anything. Sheesh." He walked over to the driver's side and slipped into the seat.
"You seem to have forgotten that I know you and I know how your mind works."
"You seem to have forgotten that maybe I'm a different person now. Seat belt."
He really did shut me up with that comment. Maybe he was different. He seemed different or maybe this was just a little game of his and he was waiting for me to fall into his trap.
"Nick?" I turned my head towards him. His eyes were glued to the road. He didn't even dare to look at me. Now I really feel bad for saying what I had said."Yeah?"
"Don't. It's fine. No worries." He finally turned to me and smiled.
The rest of the car ride home was silent and I really felt some weird tension between us. What was it, I have no idea but, It's really ironic how we ended up seeing eachother here tonight but, somehow...deep within me, I was hoping that we did end up seeing eachother that night and we did. Nick always knew how to show up at the right moments without him even knowing and that night...
Was the perfect moment.
A couple of minutes later we had arrived to my apartment. The car ride home was a bit silent with Nick asking me random questions. There was alot that I needed to say to him. So many questions that were running through my mind but, I didn't think that was the right moment to ask him so I just kept them to myself.
"So, you still live here, huh?"
I turned and smiled at him. Shocked that he even remembers. "Yeah. Still here. It's home. I'm kind of surprised you still remember though."
"Yeah, well... I mean... just because we haven't talked doesn't mean I forgot anything about you."
Speechless. He left me speechless. I was so sure that he had forgotten everything. That he didn't care anymore but, he didn't and that shocked and scared me all at the same time. I had to look away. Every second that I looked at him I knew that I would've leaned over and kiss him.
"I'm sorry. That's probably not what you wanted to hear." He said breaking my thoughts and looking down at his hands.
"No. It's fine. Um... so, I guess I should get going."
"Thank you Nick. Again. I appreciate it, really." I smiled at him.
"It's fine. No need to thank me." He said, smiling.
Silence. Awkward silence.
Minutes passed before I found my voice again.
"So, do you...would you...you know...like to come in? Maybe just for a drink?"
"Oh. Um, you know, I really should get going. I don't want--"
"Nick, it's just a drink. It's the least I could do for making you drive me home."
I was nervous. why the hell was I so damn nervous? It wasn't like we were going to do anything anyways, right?
'Right Carter. Keep telling yourself that...' I thought to myself. I know that if I go up there, I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes or hands off of her. She was looking so hot tonight with that see through dress. She practically looked NAKED and it wasn't helping me at all. That's probably why I didn't look or even talk to her on the ride here. If I did, I probably would've stopped the car and take her right here or maybe on the hood of the car. Yeah. That's sounded much be-- Stop it Carter! Stop. Self control.
I just couldn't say no to her offer.
"Yeah, sure. No problem."
* * *
"So, here we are. Home sweet home." She laughed, opening the door.
"Wow. It looks so different from the last time I was here." He said while looking around the apartment.
"Yeah, I changed it around. Repainted it. Put up some pictures. The works."
"You did it all by yourself?" He asked. Shocked that she had become so independent after their break up.
"Eh, I had help but, the majority of it was me, myself and I."
"Wow. It's...so...you. Really nice and cozy."
I laughed and then smiled. "Yeah. Well, you know me. I like small and cozy." She said while looking around the apartment.
"Yeah. My apartment is still the same way you left it."
Second time he's left me speechless. Is this some game that he's trying to play?
"Yeah...I...never got to...changing it again. I just...you know...left it that way. I didn't want to erase the...." He trailed off.
"Nothing. It's nothing."
"It's nothing Em.
She glared at him.
"Uh. Emma. Sorry."
I looked at him for awhile expecting him to tell me but, I knew he was going to tell me. It was all part of the Carter package. Shut down on someone but, then expect that person to open up to you.
"Okay. Well, make sure yourself comfortable. I'll get the drinks. Anything you want?" She asked, heading towards the kitchen.
"Uh. No. Whatever is fine I guess."
"Okay. Wine it is." She called from the kitchen.
Nick got up and slowly made his way to the kitchen. He saw her bending over the kitchen counter looking for something. 'Perfect position. I could take her right then and now...' He thought to himself. 'Snap out of it Carter.'
He cleared his throat to make his presence known. "If I didn't know any better I would think you were trying to get me drunk." He smirked at her.
"Who me? Noooo. I'm a good girl. It's just a friendly drink."
"What?" She asked, looking at him confused.
"Huh? Oh, nothing. Just...nothing."
"Oooohkay. So, here's your drink," She handed it to him. "And, here's mine."
"Should we make a toast?"
I laughed. I don't really know why he was acting so nervous around me. I mean, I know we haven't really seen eachother in about 1 year or so but, still. This is Nick Carter we're talking about. Nick Carter...doesn't get nervous around any girl.
"Sure. What should we toast to?" She asked, raising her glass. "Friends?"
"Hmmm. I was thinking more. To chance encounters."
"Hunh. Chance encounters. Has a nice ring to it."
Oh dear god. She's so flirting with me. I can't stop staring at her. She just looks so amazing tonight. She still had that dress on and when she was bent over looking for the wine glasses, I couldn't help but check out her butt. I even noticed that her dress was riding up on her thighs every now and then. God, the way she puts her lips to the glass. I really wish those lips were around my....
"You know, this is the second time I've caught you staring at me again."
"I'm...I'm sorry. I just... it's just that... I really wasn't expecting... you know... to see you tonight and, I just..."
Before he could even finish what he was saying, his phone rang throughout the apartment.
Looking at the caller ID, he groaned. "Sorry, I have to take this."
"Sure. Go ahead. I'm gonna go change out this," she looked down at her dress. "Yeah, I'll be back."
He nodded and saw her walked off. He wasn't sure what was holding him back from not going straight to her room and throwing her down on the bed to have his way with her.
"Nick? Bro, WHERE the hell are yoooou?"
"Busy? Dude, you left us at the Kat..."
"Um, I know. I just...look...I'll just call you tomorrow."
"Okay. Who is she and did you fuck her yet?"
"DUDE. I'm not telling you that."
"Come on Carter! This is your boy. Your best friend. Who is sheeee?"
"Look, it's no one. I'll call you tomorrow when you're...sobered up. BYE."
He closed his phone and sighed. In other situations, he would've told his friend about what flavor of the month he was hooking up with but, this wasn't just some flavor of the month. This was Emma. HIS Emma. He wouldn't disrespect her like that and he wasn't about to start.
"I'm sorry if I'm keeping you from your friends."
Her voice startled me. He looked up. There she was. Hair down, make up. In her favorite PJs. Actually, MY favorite PJs. I wasn't sure if she did this on purpose because I was here but....
She was wearing an oversized shirt that was to her knees.
It was my shirt.
"Um. Uh. No, it's... it's fine. They're drunk and honestly, I didn't really want to get all drunk tonight."
"It's getting a little late." She said while looking at the clock. "I hate that I have work tomorrow but, maybe we could...watch a movie...or something?" She made her way towards the TV and bent over to retrieve the movie that was already in the DVD player. Nick watched her closely.
I can't do this. I really can't do this. She's not playing fair at all. She's tempting me. I know she is. She gets me. She knows what I like and she's doing it right now. I just know that she is. I couldn't sit here any longer. I needed air. I needed....something.
"You know, I think I should just get going since you have work tomorrow and I really should get back to these idiots at the club before they get themselves arrested or something." He said standing up from the couch.
"Oh. Okay. I'll walk you to the door."
"I had a really good time Em."
"Sorry. Emma. It's a habit, you know that."
She giggled. GOD I fucking love that giggle. I missed it so damn much.
"Yeah, I know. Well, I had a good time too. Thank you again, for the ride even if it was a really quiet one."
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I usually have alot of say but, I don't know. I just...yeah but, It's my pleasure." Literally.
"It's okay. Well, have a goodnight and drive safely."
"Jeez. Want to get to rid of me already?"
'Actually, no. I don't. Stupid friends. Always have to ruin everything.' She thought to herself.
"Alright. Well, I'm off. Have a goodnight Emma and sleep well." He slowly turned away and started making his way to his car before he heard Emma calling his name.
"Yeah?" He asked turning around to face her.
"How about breakfast tomorrow? My place?"
He smiled. It was an offer that he couldn't pass up. He finally realized that he wanted to spend every single minute with Emma.
"Yeah. I'd like that."
"Alright. See you soon then?"
He smiled. "See you soon then."
I really don't know why I had decided to invite Nick for breakfast the next morning. I guess I just needed to spend more time with him. Needed to see him again. I was afraid that after this little chance encounter was just going to be that... just a one time thing but, the more I spent talking to Nick that night, the more I really wanted to see how different he was. How much he's changed because, he has. He was the same Nick that I had known years ago. Something about him was different. His looks, his personality. Everything. And, honestly?
I think I'm starting to like this new Nick.
I know I shouldn't. Not after everything that happend between us. I really don't know what's going on. I'm confused. Nick showing up that night confused the hell out of me. Deep down, I knew he was going to show up. I just felt it then here he was. Just like that and in a blink of an eye.
Ever since this past week, I have been humming a melody in my head so I decided to take my notebook out and just start writing before Nick came over. If that's what thing you need to know about me... is that I love writing. Lyrics, that is. I love expressing myself through songs and lyrics. It's the only way I really know how to express myself. Looking at this notebook, you can say that I wrote a whole lot. It's pretty much almost filled and I'll probably be shopping for a new one soon. Most of it are just songs that I wrote when I was younger. Songs about Nick. About us. Our relationship. Most of the songs are all happy, sappy ballads but, after we broke up...that's a whole other story. I kept writing until the point that I couldn't write anymore. I was hurt. I was mad and writing was the only way I was allowed to express that.
I remember a few times when Nick and I were together where he would always playfully try to steal my notebook so that he can see what I'm saying about him or what type of songs I'm writing about him but, I always caught him in time. I never really allowed him to look at that. I know I should've since he was my boyfriend. But, I just couldn't. I just didn't want him to think that I was just a sappy romantic girl that was head over heels in love with him. But...I was. I was madly in love with him. We were both young but, it didn't matter. Love doesn't have a age. Love isn't a number. You know you're in love when you feel in your heart, in your soul, in your being and that's what I felt for Nick. We were best friends. I was his and he was mine. We were pretty inseperable during those times. Our family and friends use to always tell us that one day, when we got older, we would end up getting married, living in a big house and having a whole bunch of little Carters running around.
Funny how that's all changed.
* * *
A sudden knock on the door broke Emma away from her thoughts. She quickly put her notebook away and fixed herself up before answering the door.
Cat defintiely caught my tongue. I couldn't stop staring at him.
"Are you gonna let me in or are we going to have breakfast out here?" He smirked at her.
"Cute but, no." She laughed. "Come on in. Make yourself at home." Nick walked inside and made his way over to the couch.
"Sorry I'm a bit early..."
"Oh, it's fine." She called from the kitchen.
"Yeah, the guys cancelled our studio time today because Baylee was sick so I figured I might as well come by here early."
"Oh, okay. That's no problem. Here's your coffee. Don't ask how I know." She laughed. "So, you guys are...back in the studio?
"Thank you," He said while taking the cup. "Uh, yeah. Yeah. We're in the process of recording our new album."
"Oh? A new album?" She asked, taking a sip of her coffee.
"Yeah...come on Em, I know you've been keeping tabs on us. You can't tell me you haven't."
"HA. Real funny Carter. Actually, no. I haven't. I'm not going to stroke your little ego there and the name is Emma. With a M and a A. EM MA."
"Humor me. Why do you have a problem with me calling you Em?"
She stared at him. Wondering why she did have a problem with him calling her by the nickname he had given her when they were together. "I don't know. I just..." She sighed and looked away. "It bothers me okay?"
"Why though? You had no problem with me calling you that before-- Oh, I get it."
"Yeah." She said still looking away, feeling a lump in her thought. I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry.
She's about to cry. Shit. "Look, I'm sorry for bringing it up. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have even came." He said, walking over to the door.
"What? No, wait. You're fine. I mean, you're good. Uh I mean, you're great. I mean just... okay..."
"No, not okay. I mean...UGH just stay! Stay for breakfast. I'll get over it. I'm sorry I'm just overeacting over a stupid name."
"No, no. You're...fine." And fuck me, she REALLY is. Can't I just pick her up over my shoulder and take her to her bedroom and have my way with her? Better yet, why don't I just push her down on his couch and get right down to business? No? I can't?
"Let's just forget about this and have breakfast, okay? I really want to know about this new album that you and the guys are working on." She said as she made her way to the kitchen.
Nick followed her right in her foot steps. "Well, we pretty much have everything written and ready. We've recorded a few songs here and there but, it's completely not ready yet."
"Oh, so when will it be out?"
"In October, hopefully. That's what we're aiming for."
"Well, that's good. How long have you guys been working on this one?" She asked, bending down to pick up the napkin that she had dropped. What she didn't realize was that when she bent over, her pants were riding low and Nick can see the small of her back. He was watching her very carefully.
Can she NOT do that? Holy shit. Is that tattoo?! He squinted his eyes to see. It was indeed a tattoo. SHIT!
He looked up and saw her staring back at him with a confused look on her face. "Oh. Uh, sorry. I was just thinking of something..."
"Right." She smirked and giggled. "So, the album."
"Oh, yeah. Yeah, right. Um...what was I saying?"
I felt really really stupid at that moment. She caught me staring at her. Way to be discreet Carter. I just couldn't help her. She was bending over and her tattoo was stinking out. When did she get that, I have no idea but, when we were together she was seemed against tattoos. She even hated mine for a while after I got them. She did like the "Kaos" one though. Every chance she got she would trace each letter with her tongue... God how I missed that. Emma's voice broke his thoughts.
"....then you told me out it was coming out in October." She looked over at him. He had a dazed look on his face. "Nick? You okay?"
"Uh. Yeah, I'm... uh... sorry. Just... alot on my mind..." He lied.
Something was really bothering him. I just know. "Oh, okay. So... the album." I tried again. I really wanted to hear about this new album that the guys were working on. I've always liked when they worked on new stuff.
"Right." Nick said, taking a sip of his coffee. "Well, as you know, it comes out in October." I nodded. "We wrote most of the songs. Well... technically I was the one who wrote most of them and then gave the idea to the guys."
"You? Writing? Surprising."
"Why's that?" He asked, confused.
"Considering... most of the stuff that you wrote on your solo album." I said, trying not to laugh.
I wasn't trying to make fun of Nick's first solo album. I actually really liked it. He even wrote a few songs about me. The album was totally him. I knew how much it meant to him to do something on his own besides the whole Backstreet Boys thing and I was supportive of him throughout it in. It really was a trying time because alot of people doubted him. Alot of people told him that he was just some bubble gum popstar wannabe rockstar. Everyone pretty much doubted him. But, I didn't. I was there for him every step of the way. I admit, I was a little bit scared when he first came to me with the idea. It's not that I didn't think he was capable of doing something on his own. I was just scared of the backlash he was going to recieve from all the critics and let me tell you, it was bad but, Nick was excited. It was his first time doing everything solo. Promotion, interviews, photoshoots, tours. He was having fun with it. Most of the time I was with him but, I also had my own career to establish so I couldn't always be there and we all know how that turned out.
"Hey! That's not nice." He whined. "It's not like it was THAT bad."
I laughed. I missed his whiny voice. "I know. I'm just kidding with you. It was just a bad baaaad time for you... and us."
He nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I know but, anyways. That's all in the past. We're different now. I'm different. You're different. Everything is just different." He smiled while taking a bite of his bagel.
"Yeah, you're right. Cheers to that. So what's the new album called or you guys don't have a name yet?"
"Oh no. No, we have a name. That's probably the first thing we came up with. It's called... Unbreakable." He smiled, really proud of him and the guys naming it that.
"Unbreakable, huh?" She looked up at him.
"Yeah." Nick blushed. 'Okay I seriously don't know why the fuck I'm blushing. Nick Carter never blushes. Okay, maybe once...or twice....a few times.'
"Wow. That's a pretty awesome name. Definitely fits you guys. It's been what? How many years?"
"15." He smiled proudly again.
"You really enjoying doing this huh? Love being touring with the guys and all of that?" She asked, taking another sip of her coffee
"Yeah... it's the best really. I'm honestly blessed that I was ever given this opportunity. I really don't know where I'd be at this very moment if it hadn't been for those 4 guys."
"It sucks that Kevin isn't there..."
"Yeah, definitely. I may give the other guys all the credit about the person I've become but, really? It's always been Kevin..."
I couldn't help but giggle at him. He was getting mushy on me talking about Kevin. I thought it was really cute. I know how much Nick really looked up to Kevin even if Kevin was always doing the "Dad" role and constantly getting on Nick's case for partying too late or showing up late to meetings.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?
"Nothing. I just... you're getting all mushy on me Mr. Carter."
'HA. Right. That ain't the ONLY thing I want to get on you or IN you.' He thought to himself.
"Ha, yeah. Sorry but, anyways so yeah..." He started looking around the room and noticed Emma's guitar sitting right next to her piano.
Okay, so now he's totally creeping me out with the way he's looking at everything.
"Is that your guitar over there?"
"Your guitar. Over there. The one that--"
"You bought me. For a anniversary present. Yes. That's the one." She said, looking down and blushing.
"So you still play?"
"Um. I do. A little bit..."
Okay so I lied. I actually knew how to play alot and I spent most of my downtime writing and playing the melodies out on my guitar. That guitar is really special to me. It was the one that I had always wanted. I remember the day I got it like it was yesterday. It was mine and Nick's 2nd anniversary. It was the best gift I had ever gotten. I really didn't want it at first but, Nick convinced me and knew that I really wanted it. He even taught me how to play a few of his songs on it and a few Backstreet Boys songs.
"Would you play something for me?"
"You're kidding, right?" I got up and headed towards the kitchen to start up the dishwasher.
Nick got up and followed her into the kitchen. "No. I mean I know you know how to play. I was the one who taught you after all."
"Maybe I'm just out of practice, Nick."
"Oh come on, just one song. You don't even have to play the full song."
"Why are you so deadset on having me play?"
"I don't know...maybe cause...like I said, I KNOW you KNOW how to play. You're not out of practice so that's a load of bullshit. And...because, I know you've been writing."
I turned around quickly and glared at him. He must've noticed my notebook on the couch. Shit. I shouldn't have left it there. Sneaky bastard.
"How do you--?"
"Know? Because I know YOU, Emma. I know what goes on in that pretty little head of yours. I know that you don't just stop playing and writing. That notebook that is on your couch...I know it's FILLED with songs that have alot of meaning to you. I know that you write with meaning and that's what I love about you."
Did he really just say what I think he just did? He didn't say LOVED either. Past tense. He said LOVE, right? Yeah, he did.
"Nick, I just..."
"Just play something for me, Emma. Please. It doesn't have to be the whole song." There goes to the famous Carter pout. I honestly can't say no to that. Ever.
"Okay I'll play something for you."
* * *
"So... this is an old song that I had written. I mean, it's not that old but, I wrote it about a year ago. Promise me that you won't laugh. Ready?"
Nick was sitting right in front of her, sideways, facing her and laughed. "I promise. I'm ready."
"Okay. God, I'm nervous." She laughed.
"Don't be nervous. It's just me..."
"Right. Okay... here it goes. If it's bad... just make me stop okay? I'm already making an ass out of myself."
"No, you're not. Go ahead. I'm all ears. You have my attention..."
"Stop being nervous. Play." He said, pointing at her guitar was perched up on her lap. Her fingers were already in place.
"Okay, okay." She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and counted to 10 in her head. She began to play and sing along.
I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I don't know how to land and not race to your door
I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I'm not sure that I really ever could
Hold on to your hotel key in your
Be sleep-walking in Hollywood
She looked absolutely beautiful singing with her eyes closed and just getting so into the song. For some reason, I knew that this song was about me. I just had a feeling that it was.
I'm gonna steer clear
Burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
Cause I'd die if I saw you
I'd die if I didn't see you there
So I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I dont think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I get lost on the boulevard at night
Without your voice to tell me I love you, take a right
the ten and the two is the loneliest sight
I was right. It was about me. I remember the first time we took a ride in the middle of the night. I wanted to show her my place but I kept getting distracted and she would end up getting mad at me for not telling her where to go exactly. It was really funny and cute to see her all frustrated and annoyed. That memory still makes me laugh everytime I think about it. The line that she just sang, "Without your voice to tell me I love you, take a right..." That's how I knew it was about me. We were getting really close to my exit and she kept asking me if she had to turn but, I wasn't pay attention to her words at all. I was just looking at her and how beautiful she looked. "NICK! Tell me where to go?!" were exactly her words. After staring at her for 10 minutes straight and her getting really angry at me and threatening to push me out of the car in the middle of the road; I told her, "I love you... take a right..."
I'm gonna steer clear
Burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
Cause I'd die if I saw you
I'd die if I didn't see you
I'm gonna steer clear, oh yeah
Burn up in your atmosphere here
I'm gonna steer clear
Cause I'd die if I saw you
I'd die if I didn't see you there
see you there
I think I'm gonna stay gonna stay in the gray think I'm gonna stay
And all the street lights say nevermind nevermind
All the canyon lines say nevermind
Sunset says we see this all the time, nevermind, never you mind
I opened my eyes after I stopped playing. Nick had the biggest grin on his face but, something in his eyes told me a different story. I think he knew that this song was about him because, it was. I wrote it after we broke up. I couldn't sleep one night and decided to take a drive around Hollywood alone. Every single thing reminded me of Nick. That's when I found myself parked right in front of his apartment. I just couldn't pass it. I had to stop. I sat there for a good two hours just thinking. Thinking about what had went wrong with us. Wondering if he was in there, sharing his bed with someone else. Wondering if there was someone right on my spot where I had always been. Wondering where I was in my relationship with him. I closed my eyes again and started to play.
Where ever I go
Whatever I do
I wonder where I am
In my relationship to you
Where ever you go
Where ever you are
I watch your life play out in pictures from afar
Because that's exactly what I did. Nick's whole life was always played out in pictures, magazines, TV, gossip websites. Everywhere and I couldn't help but not notice. Even if we weren't talking at that point, I still wanted to know where he was and what he was doing.
Where ever I go
Whatever I do I wonder where I am
In my relationship to you
Wherever you go
Where ever you are
I watch that pretty life play out in pictures from afar
I waited. I waited for him to say something, to get up and leave. To be mad at me for writing something so personal that was about him but, he didn't. He just stood there and looked at me for a long time. It was a while later when I heard his whispered voice.
I saw the pain in his eyes. I knew that I had hurt him but, I needed for him to hear that song. I had been keeping it inside for awhile. At that moment, everything happend so fast. Next thing I know, he was kissing me...
And I was kissing him back.
Song used: John Mayer - "In Your Atmosphere (LA Song)" This song is absolutely amazing & the first time I heard it, it reminded me of Nick & Emma. This is the version that I used for Emma to sing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7FP5R2EOwc
I couldn't help it. She looked so beautiful singing that song about me. I knew what knew when she looked at me. Everything stopped at that moment. For a minute I felt my own heartbeat stopping. I really didn't think that she still felt this way. She was always the strong one in our relationship. She use to always put in my place whenever I would get out of line. She seemed so unphased by the whole break up that I really thought she would just move on but, after hearing this song and listening carefully to the lyrics and watching the expressions on her face and her eyes when she looked at me. I knew that she was hurt. Probably far more hurt that I was. I was just a young, cocky guy. I mean sure, I was hurt because I really did love her. A part of me always did and honestly I still do but, I have never realized how much I hurt her until now.
That's why I decided to kiss her. I couldn't take it anymore. I thought she felt the same way too but, her reaction told me otherwise.
"Nick. STOP. I-i-i- I can't do this. This is just wrong." I said pushing him away.
"Wait what? What's wrong?"
"THIS. You...you...here...and...kissing me. Just--"
"This isn't right. I don't know why this is happening. Stupid me for even singing that song to you. It's stupid. This is stupid. I should've just stood at that stupid club and listened to my stupid friend or better yet... I should've just let stupid Patrick bring me home..." She rambled on and on not even realizing that Nick was still sitting there calling her name.
"I should've never been there... I should've never told Maggie that I would go to that stupid party. God, this is awful. This is so awf--"
His voice startled her. She stopped pacing back and forth and looked up at Nick.
He took a deep breath and then sighed. "I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have done that."
"No, you really shouldn't have." She snapped back at him.
"I said I was sorry. No need to get all pissed off at me and get snappy."
"You want to know why I'm pissed off Nick? You really want to know why?"
"Yeah. I kind of do. I think you at least owe me that. You were fine when I saw you yesterday and you fine today. You just suddenly became a different person after I kissed you and you know what? Don't even lie to me and tell me that you didn't like it. Or that you kissed me back because you did, if you haven't even noticed. I know you felt something there because I felt it too Emma."
"You think you have it ALL figured out Nick, don't you?"
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"You really think you know me."
"I'm pretty sure I do."
She looked at him and started to laugh. "What's so funny?"
"You. You really think that you know me, THAT's what's funny to me."
"What the fuck Emma? I've known you pretty much all my fucking life!"
"No Nick, you USE to know who I was until you decided to just drop me from your life and then drop off the face of the Earth. THIS Emma that you see that's standing in front of you...isn't the same Emma that was with you all those years before. She's different. I'm different."
"I decided to drop you from my life? You think it was that easy? It wasn't easy. None of it was easy. It's funny...you didn't understand it then and you STILL don't understand it."
"Excuse me? What don't I understand? You didn't want me anymore Nick. You said so yourself or did you just forget? Well if you did, let me refresh your memory."
"No, let me finish. YOU...left me when I NEEDED you the most." She felt the lump in her throat and her eyes begin to fill with tears. "I waited. I waited for you to come around. To take me back. To tell me that you were sorry for the way that you treated me. Treated us. You left me all alone. You knew that you were the only person that I would always talk to. Always confide in. Why? Because I trusted you. I loved you. There was no one else but you, Nick. Then you left. You decided that we weren't good anymore. You decided that YOU needed YOUR own space. That I was taking up too much of it. You wanted to be single and be free so you can do whatever you wanted without me having to find out. Well guess what Nick? I did. I found out everything and you have no idea how much that hurt me...us. You couldn't even tell me the truth. You want to know when I noticed that you started changing with me?"
"Emma just stop. Please. Just..."
"I'm not finished. You wanted to know why I'm pissed right? Well here it is. This is me telling you how I felt all these years."
He sighed, giving up. Knowing that she wasn't going to stop. "Continue..."
"When you couldn't even look me in the eyes anymore. When you didn't even bother to tell me what was wrong. What was bothering you. When you stopped calling every night like you usually did when we weren't together just to tell me that you missed me or that you love me. When you would ignore my phone calls when you usually never did. That's when I notice that you started changing on me. I tried everything that I possibly can but, it seemed like you had already made up your mind for the both of us."
Nick sighed and looked up at Emma. He can see the tears rolling down her face. He so badly wanted to get up and just wrap his arms around her.
"I'm so sorry that you felt that way Emma. I was shelfish, I'll admit that but I was hurting too. You weren't the only one. I just...I don't know. I was stupid. I'm very aware of that. I'm stupid for even letting shit get to me the way that it did. For letting outsiders run my life and our relationship. I was even more stupid for letting you go and not realizing what I always had in front of me. You were the best thing that ever happend to me. I don't want you to ever think for one second that I never loved you."
"So then why did you give up on me? On us? You really have no idea Nick..."
"I have no idea about what? Damnit Emma, you don't think I realize how much I have hurt you? Especially after hearing that song. From the minute I heard the first few words to that song, I knew that it was about me."
"Forget it Nick."
"Just tell me. What do I have no idea about?"
"It's just...nothing. Just...forget it. Just forget it!" She yelled and walked away.
"Emma. Don't walk away from me!"
"What else do you want from me Nick?! Why did the hell did you even come over?!"
"I came here because YOU asked me to come here!"
"You could've just said NO!"
"I didn't want to, alright?! I didn't want to say no to you."
"I couldn't say no to you. God Emma, you really have no idea how I felt after seeing you there the other night. I'm sorry that you feel that I left you but, that's not what I was trying to do at all. I loved you. We were together every minute of everyday and I wanted to know what it felt like when you weren't around."
"HA. Really? You wanted to know what it felt like when I wasn't around? You sure did one hell of a job by doing that Nick."
"I know all about it Nick. I know about every single girl you fucked the minute I left. I know about all the women, all the parties, all the drugs. The drugs!"
"You really are deadset on blaming this whole thing on me. But, what about you? You sure weren't the innocent one that you are claiming to be."
"What the fuck? What about me?"
"The 2 months leading up to us breaking up you were acting like a complete bitch to me. Not even to me. To everyone!"
If he only knew why I was acting that way.
"Maybe you should stop worrying about what I did to you and pay more attention to what you did to me and then you'll find your answer as to why I left the way I did."
"REALLY Nick?! Now I know you're just saying shit to hurt me and if you're going to act that way then I suggest you get the hell out."
"Yeah. Because, I'm the asshole here. Nick is always the asshole here."
"I never said always so don't put words in my mouth. Right now, you're acting like the biggest dick. Now get out."
"Funny, you had no problem with my size and you sure as hell weren't telling me to get out the first time we fucked..." He smirked at her.
"UNBELIEVEABLE. Get out. NOW. I mean it Nick."
"Fine. I'm sorry." He got up and grabbed his jacket and started making his way to the door. "You know what? No, I'm not sorry."
"I don't care. Leave."
"No, see... you do care Emma. You do or you wouldn't be standing here arguing with me and crying."
"Nick. Just leave. I can't do this anymore."
"Fine. I'll go." He walked out of the door and turned around, looking right at Emma. "Look at me..."
"Go." She whispered softly to him. "Please."
"Just look at me for a minute."
She looked up at him and the tears started up again. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you Em. I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say but that." He reached up, cupped her face with his hand and brushed away the tear that was rolling down her face with his thumb.
"Don't say anything else. I'm gonna go but, I just want you to know that I have always cared about you. I have always loved you even if you are deadset into thinking that I never did. I'm sorry for some of the things that I said in there. I just said them because I was angry and you were lashing out at me. But..."
He sighed, looking into her eyes. "I loved you Em. I still do." He leaned in to kiss her forehead and walked away.
I couldn't move from that spot at the door. I still felt his lips lingering on my forehead from where he had kissed me at. I couldn't stop crying. I just wish none of this would've happend. I felt like a complete bitch for acting the way that I acted but, he needed to hear it. He needed to hear that song and he needed to hear what I was feeling. He wanted to know everything. That was pretty much everything but, there was something else that I wanted to tell him. I just couldn't. He was already hurt by what I was saying.
I didn't want to hurt him anymore.
I just wanted to be left alone.
And then he told me that he still loved me just when I was trying to get over him. It was at that moment that I wanted to tell him that I still loved him too. I never stopped loving him despite all of our problems. Despite everything that he's done to me.
I still loved him.
Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?
No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go
I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you
Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last (to last)
I've tried to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know
That I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you
Song used: "I Still" by Backstreet Boys
"What are you doing here?"
"Nice to you see you too. Your door was open."
"Doesn't mean you had to barge in."
"I knocked. You didn't hear me."
"You're right. I didn't hear."
"Obviously not. You're writing in that notebook again."
She shut her notebook fast and looked up at her best friend, Maggie, standing there.
"What do you want?"
"I've been calling you and you aren't answering my phone calls. I left you dozen of voicemails. Not one of them has been returned."
"Can you not take the hint that maybe I don't want to talk to you?"
"Look, I'm sorry for what I said and did the other night but, there's no need to be pissed off at the world."
She got up from the couch without saying another word and made her way to her bedroom. Maggie followed her.
"And you're not gonna say anything?"
"WHAT do you want me to say Maggie?!"
"I want to know WHY are you ignoring my phone calls? I want to know why you're being a major bitch right now. I know you have been mopping around this apartment in your pajamas and eating ice cream all day, everyday."
She knew me all too well. She's right. I have been mopping around. It had been a few days since I last saw Nick and since we had that stupid arguement and since he kissed me. I was trying really hard to not think about the kiss but, it was hard because... I really did like it. I don't know why I freaked but, I did and I feel bad. It's just hard when you're trying to get over your feelings for someone who was pretty much your life then he decides to waltz back in like everything is sweet and dandy. Damn me for being at that stupid place that night.
"I haven't been...mopping. Just been feeling a bit under the weather, that's all." She lied.
"Right. Anyways, what you writing in there?"
"Nothing that concerns you."
"Look, I know you're pissed about what happend but I told you I'm sorry. What else do you want me to say?"
"You shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Hasn't anyone ever told you to keep your comments to yourself and if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all?"
"Okay, I totally deserved that. I was just being a friend to you and being friendly. What did you expect me to do, be a bitch to someone I barely even know?"
"No. But, if you were really trying to be my friend like you say you were, then you really wouldn't have said anything at all."
"Why are you so mad that I even said anything? It's not like I told anyone what really happend."
"Because, it's none of your business. It doesn't concern you and it has nothing to do with you. Whenever I'm ready to tell someone, I'll tell them on my OWN time. It's not your story or business to tell."
"Considering that I was there when it all happend and you're my best friend... I think it DOES concerns me and IS my business."
"Fine, whatever. It's over with anyways, right? It happend years ago. No need to bring it up now."
"Obviously since it's effecting you THAT much."
"IT DOES affect me, Maggie. Like you no idea." She whispered, her eyes filling up with tears.
"I'm sorry okay? I'm so sorry that it had to happen that way. I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said anything, I get that. I was insensitive."
She sighed. "I know and you really were. I just don't know anymore..."
"What don't you know?"
"Everything. Why everything turned out the way it did."
"Maybe there's a reason."
Maggie made her way over to the bed and sat down next to Emma.
"What's wrong hun? Tell me."
"It's...it's nothing. I just, I'm being stupid and I need to just get out of this house..."
"Well, that's part of my reason why I came here."
Somehow I knew what her intentions were. I sighed. "Why?"
"How do you feel about going out tonight and doing a bit of dancing, drinking, singing maybe?"
"Ha, singing may be out of the question but, dancing and drinking I could do."
"Come on Em, you can sing. I've heard you sing bef--"
"Okay, what the hell is UP with people want me to sing... or play a stupid guitar? Are you going to kiss me afterwards too?"
"Wait what? Back up. I didn't-- okay, totally confused. I was just asking you to come out with us."
I noticed the look on Maggie's face. Shit. I forgot. I didn't even tell her what had happend between me and Nick.
"Sorry. It's...nothing, really. But, um. Yeah...yeah. I'll definitely go with you.
"Okay. That settles it. Be ready at 7." Maggie got up and made her way to the door before turning around and handing Emma a small envelope. "Oh hey, this was left at your door."
I noticed the handwriting right away.
It was Nick's.
"Well, I'm gonna go. See you tonight and wear something sexy."
"Right. See you later." She said distracted, wondering what was in this envelope that Nick left for her.
"I'm sorry again Em, I really am."
She looked up and smiled at Maggie. "It's okay."
"Alright so 7. Tonight. BE ready."
She walked over to closet, still staring at the letter that Nick had left at her doorstep this morning. Wondering if she should read it now or later.
What the hell...
I opened the letter and noticed his 'chicken scratch' writing as I use to call it. It was folded in 3 parts. Typical Nick. I smiled and started reading.
I sit here in sorrow, wishing I could hold you. I've realized that I've tried to replace you over and over since I made the foolish decision to leave you. But, no one can make me laugh and smile like you do. You are the only one that ever made me so happy.
No one could ever take your place. I feel as if my soul has stolen my heart and left me to cry myself to sleep each and every night with guilt in my heart of how I hurt you.
I guess you just don't realize what you have until it's gone. I was so stupid to leave you. I know sorry is just a word, but for what it's worth I am very sorry and I beg with every ounce of my soul please forgive me...
That's all I felt.
Nick's words hit me like no other words have ever done. I kept reading the letter over and over again. I told myself that I wasn't going to fall into his "trap" again. But, needless to say... I slowly was. He sounded sincere but, can I really trust him after everything he's done to me? And, can he really trust me after everything I have kept from him?
This... is harder than I thought.
This is definitely harder than I thought.
I couldn't face her the next morning. I just couldn't. It wasn't the right thing to do especially since I knew that she was mad at me for the way I acted and for the things that I said to her. I was just being honest. That's what she wanted, right? I wasn't sorry for anything that I said because, it was the truth. I never meant to hurt it. I was just a real shelfish asshole. But, I was in love with her. I have always been in love with her. I tried replacing her so many times but, nothing seemed to work and, it was then that I realized that I couldn't replace Emma. Even though I loved it, I never really noticed just HOW much I did. The girl had completely taken over everything. My heart, my mind, my soul.
Who would've thought I would turn into some mushy lovey dovey guy huh? Might as well start calling me Mr. Mushy McLovin'.
So that's what I did that morning. I wrote her a letter...
"Yo, Nick. It's your turn."
"Can't Brian or Howie go before me?"
"Nope. Sorry, man. They already put their parts in this one but, we still have to try with you. Your turn."
I sighed. I really didn't want to be in the studio today. It was just one of those days but, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do and right now... my job was calling me.
"Alright. I'll go in." I said and made my over to the booth.
"Alright, you ready?"
"Yeah." I said while adjusting the headphones.
Anytime, anywhere, anyplace
You could be anyone today
Maybe I would recognize you on a crowded street
Maybe you'll take me by surprise
Will you be the one I had in mind
There'll come a day
When you'll walk out of my dreams
Face to face
Like I'm imagining
Baby how can I be sure
That you're the one I'm waiting for
Will you be unmistakable
People say we're watching our lives
Through a glass
Desperately waiting on a chance
I know you're out there
Holding on, holding out for me
How are we to know the time is right
What if you're here and I'm just blind
How can I know a song I never heard
How will I know your voice
When you haven't said a word
How do I know how this will end
Before we begin
Before we begin
There'll come a day
When you walk out of my dreams
Face to face (face to face)
Like I'm imagining (Like I'm imagining)
Baby, how can I be sure (how can I be sure)
That you're the one I'm waiting for (You're the one I'm waiting for)
Will you be (will you be)
Will you be (will you be)
The music stopped but, I still had my eyes closed. Emma was all I thought about. This song was about her. I had written it a few weeks ago and couldn't wait to put it down. Even though I didn't want to come into the studio today, I changed my mind after singing and listening to that song. If only she was here to listen to it. Sitting here now, I wonder if she even got my letter. I wonder if she's even reading it. I wonder what she thinks of it. If she'll even respond to it. Probably not, right? I was an asshole, I know that much.
An asshole in love.
"What's up man? You look a bit... dazed out or confused about something." Brian asked, taking a seat next to me.
"Talk to me."
"Huh. How long have I known you Nick? We're best friends. I think I'll dealt with the "Complicated sides of Nick Carter's lovelife" before. TRUST me."
"Man... how'd you--"
"Know? Cause, I do and the look on your face just gives it away. You don't get like this if it isn't about a girl."
"It's not just SOME girl."
"Oh? Do tell."
I sighed. "She's... God. She's everything Bri. It's been awhile since I've last seen her. I tried calling her but, I couldn't. Then, I ended up seeing her at the club the other night. Offered her a ride--"
"And, let me guess... you got her into your bed and, now you fell in love with her?"
"Not exactly. I offered her a ride. She was crying. Shit was-- I mean THINGS were happening and I felt bad. Long story short; took her home. We ended up talking and blah blah blah. Came back the next morning and, she ended up playing the same guitar that I had bought her for me. She even sang. You don't even understand how I felt at that moment. Like everything around me stop--"
"Wait a minute." Brian said, looking away and then standing up.
"You bought her a guitar?" I nodded. "So this isn't just some random girl you met?" I shook my head again.
"So..." By this point, Brian had a really confused look on his face.
"Do you remember Emma?"
"Emma? Your ex-girlfriend Emma? Blonde hair...?"
"That's the girl you saw the other night and offered her a ride?"
"So what's the problem?" Brian asked, confused.
"We kind of... kissed and, honestly Brian... I don't even know WHAT the problem is."
"Do you love her? I mean, it's a dumb question considering everything you told me but, do you really love her, Nick?
"I do man. Like I said, she's everything. I was a, excuse my language this time, complete asshole for leaving her."
"Nick, you just have to keep fighting for what you believe in."
"That's all I've been doing. All I've been doing is trying, trying, trying. It's like she hates me." I whispered, looking down at my hands.
He sighed and sat back down. "You love her, right?"
"More than anything in this word." I whispered, looking up at him.
I had finally felt defeated until I heard those words from Brian...
"Then go get her. Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do because, I know deep down in her heart... she loves you too. Sometimes it just takes women longer to admit those feelings. Don't give up, Nick. Keep fighting. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If not, you'll know what to do."
Song used: "Unmistakable" by Backstreet Boys (Nick's solo version) Which could be heard here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7vYpREGI6M
July 5th, 2005
"She really is. She looks like you, you know."
I sighed, happily. "I know she does. I can't wait until she's in my arms."
"She's gonna be spoiled."
"She is, indeed." I couldn't stop staring at the picture that was just given to me. I was just overwhelmed.
"Do you regret it?"
"No. Never. She's the best thing that's ever happend to us. Well... besides Nick."
"Ah. Nick. Does he know?"
"No. Not yet..."
"You should tell him..."
"I know. I'm just scared."
"He loves you, Em. He won't leave. Tell him. If not for you, if not for him. For her."
I giggled a bit. "I love how we're talking about it like it's a girl."
"That's because she is."
We were just sitting there, looking at the picture of the tiny little figure that was forming inside of me.
"Tell him Emma. Before it's too late..."
* * *
That day never came. I was never able to tell Nick what I really wanted to tell him. It was too late. I was scared. Scared that if I told him, he was going to end up leaving but, I was going to take that risk. A few months later, he ended up leaving anyways. I have never really forgiven Nick for that. But, it's also my own fault too. Or at least I think it was.
I remember sitting in this very same room a few years ago with my mother talking about her. We had made plans for her. We even had a name picked out for her... Haley Elizabeth... and I wasn't even far along at all. I had just found out and I was already in my second month. Somehow we knew it was going to be a girl. We just had the feeling and before I even realized I was pregnant I kept having dreams of a little girl that belonged to us. Curly blond hair, big beautiful blue eyes. Just like me and Nick.
She was indeed beautiful as my mother would say and, she was ours. I couldn't wait to tell him. I couldn't wait to hold her.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was spending the weekend at my mother's in Florida. Since I kept traveling with Nick so much, I wasn't able to spend as much time with her as I wanted so I decided to take a break from traveling as it was taking a toll on me due to the pregnancy too. We were all gathered around the dinner table, just catching up on old times, sharing a few jokes, a few laughs.
* * *
September 20th, 2005
"So how is our boy Nick doing? Why didn't he come with you?"
"He's doing fine. He's been busy with the guys so you know how that goes, Dad."
"He better be treating my girl right."
I laughed. "He sure is. Speaking of which, I have an announcement to make. I mean I really should wait until Nick gets here but-- Whoa..."
"Honey, are you okay?" Her mother asked, standing up from the table.
"Uh... yeah. Yeah... I just felt... weird all of a sudden."
"What's the matter?"
"No--nothing Mom, I'm fine. Everything is-- fine..."
"Would you two like to tell me what's going on?"
"I'm sorry, Dad. I'll be right back." I said standing up from the table and making my way to the bathroom.
With each step that I took, I felt the pains stronger and stronger. I was only in my third month. This wasn't suppose to be happening.
'Please God, let everything be okay. Please let everything be okay.' I kept praying over and over again. This all seemed like a bad nightmare and all I wanted it to do was just go away.
"Honey, it's Mom. Are you okay?"
As soon as I heard my mom's voice, I couldn't hold back the tears any longer.
"Honey? what's going....OH MY GOD." Her mom said as she made her way into the bathroom.
"I--- I don't know what's happening to me." Emma said in between tears. Oblivious to what her mother had just seen. "This isn't suppose to be happening."
"You need to go to the hospital."
"What's happening?!? TELL ME what's happening?!"
"You're... bleeding. You need to go RIGHT NOW."
* * *
It all happend so quickly. The next words out of my mother's mouth were the most scariest words I have ever heard. I was rushed to the hospital. It was later on that night that we found out I was no longer carrying our little girl anymore. I had lost her. We lost her. She was gone and, so was I.
"Hey. Your front door was open."
I looked up from the scrap book I had made Haley and noticed my sister, Joanne, standing there.
"Hey." I whispered back to her.
"No." I said, looking down at my first ultrasound picture.
"You still have some of her stuff still in place."
"Yeah... I miss her."
"I know you do. So do I. I couldn't wait to spoil her. So many other babies would've been jealous her."
That made me smile. "Yeah. You're probably right."
We sat there in silence. The same way me and my mother had all those years ago.
"Does he know?"
Somehow I knew that she was talking about Nick. I shook my head. "No."
"Em, you have to tell him. It's been about 2 years. He needs to know. He has the right to know."
I sighed. "I know that... I'm just scared."
"Scared of what?"
"He's back and, I'm scared that if I tell him... he'll leave again. He won't feel the same anymore."
"As opposed to how you feel? Have you even told him that you've been hiding these feelings for him?"
"No... I just, I don't know anymore." I whispered, looking up at my sister with tears in my eyes.
"You're scared, I get it. We all get scared. It's all part of life. If you didn't take that risk of telling him before... you better take that risk now. I know Nick. I know that he loves you. He's back for a reason. Don't keep him waiting. Don't keep this from him anymore. The more you do the more it's going to break your heart and HIS heart in the long run."
"I love him."
"I know you do. Tell him that."
"Today's her birthday, you know."
"Yeah..." I said, standing up and putting the scrapbook anyway.
"I'm going to head out now. I need to pick up Cameron from the babysitter but... think about what I said, okay? Tell him."
"I will. Thanks for stopping by." I said, walking her back to the front door.
"No problem. That's what sisters are for. I love you. Now give me a hug." She opened her arms and I leaned in hugging her tightly.
"I love you too."
I made my way back to Haley's room. My sister was right, some of her stuff was still where I had left them. I couldn't take anything down. I just couldn't do it. I felt that if I did empty out the room, all the memories that I had share with her those 3 months that I carried her would've been gone forever and I didn't want that.
Today's her birthday and, for the past two years, I have been visiting her and bringing her flowers. Sunflowers. She was indeed my sun flower.
I had something to do first.
"We need to talk."
Those were exactly her words. To say that I was scared shitless was a understatement. I wasn't expecting it, so that's why it had surprised me when Emma had called me asking me to come over. There was something in the tone of her voice when she said that we needed to talk that had me real worried.
10 minutes later, I was standing outside of Emma's apartment.
And, there she was. Sitting on her porch.
"Hi." She whispered.
It looked like she was crying...again.
I sighed and sat down next to her. "You okay?" I was scared to even ask her this question but, I had to know.
"Yeah," She shook her head. "This is just alot harder then I thought it would be." She whispered, more to herself.
"You wanna come inside?"
"Yeah. Sure." I smiled at her.
"I'd like that."
* * *
"So how are you really?"
"I'm fine, Nick."
"No you're not."
"Nick..." She sighed.
"I'm just wondering if you're okay. You seem a little stressed. Exhausted, even."
"So then... tell me what's wrong."
She finally looked up and made eye contact with him. His big beautiful blue eyes were staring back at her. It was then that she realized... she had to tell him. She couldn't hold it in anymore. As she was staring into his eyes, her own eyes filled up with tears.
Looking down at her hands again, she whispered, "I'm so sorry Nick."
Nick laughed a bit. "Sorry about what?"
"Everything. I know I messed up."
"Okay, Emma, you're scaring me right now. What's going on?"
"I--I can't do this." She said standing up.
"Can't do what?"
"Nothing." She said, shaking her head.
"Goddamnit Emma! I'm tired of you shutting me out! You called me over and said we needed to talk. I'm here and, you're not saying anything."
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't want any of this to happen."
"What are you sorry about? If you haven't noticed I'm not a mind reader. 99 percent of the time I really don't know what's going on in that head of yours when all you do is give me cryptic answers."
"I read your letter."
"Okay. We could start from there."
"It was nice."
Nice. She thought it was nice. I didn't write that letter for it to be "nice". I wrote it so that she can see that I'm sorry for what I did to her and so that she can open her eyes and realize that I am in love with her.
She picked 1 out of 3.
"I'm sorry. I know that's not what you wanted to hear."
"Actually, no. It's not. I didn't write it so it could be "nice". I wrote it--"
"I KNOW what you wrote it for, Nick. I read it over and over again and it made me realize something. You want to know what that was?"
"It made me realize that I was the wrong one."
"Wrong? Wrong for what? You didn't do anything, Emma. I DID. I was the jerk. I was the asshole that walked out on you. You didn't deserve that."
"No. I was wrong. You know why I was wrong?"
"Because I was scared."
"Scared of what, exactly?
"I let myself be scared when I shouldn't have. I was the shelfish one and it cost me alot of things. I thought that if I just continued to be that way that nothing would happen. That everything would be okay and that you wouldn't walk out on me but, you... you left anyways." She whispered and looked away again.
"I'm sorry Emma. I really am..."
"I know you are. But, I am too. We were both in the wrong."
"Again with the cryptic answers."
"You want to know why I was scared? Why I was the wrong one and the selfish one?"
"Yeah, honestly because for the past..." Nick looked at his watch, "hour or so I've been trying to figure it out."
"Okay." She said while walking towards her room. She walked back out with a picture in her hand. "This... is why." She handed the picture to Nick.
"What's... this?" Nick said with a confused look on his face.
Emma turned away from Nick and stared out the window. "Turn it over."
And, he did. That's when he saw it. The name they had once picked out together.
Haley Nicole Carter
"You wanted to know the truth, right? You wanted to know why I was scared. That right there," she said pointing to the picture, "is your answer."
"She was ours, Nick." She whispered. Her eyes filling up with tears once again.
Nick turned it over again and stared at the tiny little figure that was in black and white. "She?"
"It was a girl."
"She died." She whispered again.
He looked at the picture again and felt a lump in his throat. As Nick gathered his thoughts, he only had one question. "Why?"
"I had a--"
"NO. I don't want to know anything else. I want to know why?"
"I'm telling you why."
"WHY did you keep this from me?!" He yelled.
"I just didn't know--"
"You can't even tell me why you kept this from me. All of people, ME."
"Either way if I had told you, you would've left anyways."
"You don't know that Emma! God. Here I was kicking my own ass worrying about everything that I had done to you and feeling sorry for myself and you kept this from me."
"How long were you gonna wait to tell me this? Until she was 18 years old and knocking on my door asking me if I'm her father?"
"She would've been two years old today..."
"Today? You decided to tell me this TWO YEARS LATER and ON her birthday of all days?! Nice Emma, real nice."
"What was I suppose to do? I was scared."
"You were suppose to tell me even if you were scared! I was there for you Emma. I was always there for you. When no one else even bothered to give a shit about you, I DID."
She sighed. "Even if I would've told you, you would've left, Nick. You weren't ready for kids. You weren't ready to settle down."
"You think that little of me? We were together practically all of our lives. You didn't even think for one second that I had thoughts about asking you to marry me? That I wanted you to be the mother of my kids? Because I did. No matter where my career had ended up... no matter if everything else failed... I wanted YOU by my side."
"You kept this from me. All these years. All those months. That hurts me more then anything."
"You say this now because you are older but, I know if I had told you back then...you wouldn't have cared."
"Again with the whole, you wouldn't have cared. That's where you're wrong. Had you told me, I would've cared. I'm not going to be stupid and not say that it wouldn't changed our lives and our relationship but, if that was what it took to make everything alright, I would've taken that chance!" He said standing up from the couch, yelling.
"I'm so sorry Nick."
"Now I understand everything. Why you wouldn't let me in. Why you didn't want me around. Why you kept saying sorry. Now I know."
"I didn't mean for any of this to happen this way Nick. If I could change everything I would. I know that I messed up. I know that I should've told you. It wouldn't have changed anything. We were unfixable."
"Wrong again. It would have changed EVERYTHING. If I had to get down on knee and ask you to marry me at that moment, I would have. You know why?"
"No! You know why? Because, I loved you Emma. I fucking LOVED YOU." He said with tears filling up his eyes.
"And, I loved you."
"No, you didn't."
"Nick, please don't say that."
"Really? If you loved me enough you would've told me this instead of keeping it from me for TWO YEARS."
"Sorry? You're sorry? I have a daughter who I didn't even know about. Who I never even got a chance to see or to hold...nothing and, all you could say is that you're sorry."
"I lost her too Nick! It wasn't just you. You didn't have to carry her for 9 months, which I didn't even get to do because I lost her when I was just 3 months! So don't tell me about not being able to see or hold her because I went through the same exact thing too!"
"Two whole years Emma. TWO YEARS." He whispered.
"I'm hurting too, Nick." She said, opening her arms to hug him.
"Don't. DON'T even come near me. I can't even look at you right now." He said backing away from her.
"You don't mean that."
"You know what? Right now, I do. You lied to me..."
"And, you don't think you have lied to me?!"
"Now is not that time for that, Emma. This isn't about you. This isn't about me. This isn't about US. Yeah, I may have lied to you about small stuff but, that has nothing to do with the fact that you lied to me about having a daughter!" He yelled, grabbing his jacket.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm leaving. I can't even look at you right now and if I stay here longer I might say or do something that I'll regret."
"Nick, please don't do this. I'm so sorry." She said begging for him to stay.
"Leave it alone, Emma. What's done is done. Don't look for me. Don't call me. Don't even text me. I thought things could work out between us but, I guess I really thought wrong."
"It could work out, Nick. I'm so sorry. I just-- I don't know anymore. I don't know what I want. All I know is that I... I love you."
As Nick got to the door, he turned around. "You know, it's one thing to say you love someone and another thing to actually MEAN it. It's okay to say things to me because, words just bounce off of people but, when the person I have loved for years LIES to me, that's what hurts me the most."
"Nick!" She called out to him.
"I'm done, Emma. Just know that I have always cared about you. I have always loved you. It just sucks to know that you didn't feel the same way about me or at least slighty. Trust is a big thing to me and you know that or well... at least I thought you did. You broke that trust and... I don't even know if you could even get that back."
And with that, Nick was gone leaving Emma standing there with tears in her eyes.
As he got into his car he realized that he was still holding something.
Emma's first ultrasound picture.
He pulled out his cell phone and dialed a familiar number.
"Hey man, it's Nick." He said swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat.
"Yeah, yeah... I'm...alright." He said, while looking at the picture. "Listen, um..."
He took a deep breath and counted to ten in his head and whispered,
"I need to get out of LA."
It was a whole week since I last spoke or seen Nick and even though he told me not to call him; I still did. I needed to hear his voice again. I need to know if he was okay, if he meant everything he said because, I know he didn't. He was just saying all those things out of anger.
I'm not so sure. He has the right to be mad at me. I wasn't honest with him when I should have but, at the same time; he needs to understand that I was scared. He did exactly what I didn't want him to do; leave. Now I'm afraid that's exactly what he did again. See, Nick has a thing where everytime a problem comes up, he always runs away from it. All the time. He either runs away from it or he shuts everyone out and, I'm tired of it.
I want answers. I want to know where we stand. I'm going to keep telling myself that he didn't mean of anything that he said. Deep down, I know that he still loves me and a part of him is sorry. He needs to know and understand that I'm sorry to. I know it's not much to say but, I really am. I didn't mean for any of this to happen this way. If I can take everything back, I would. In a heartbeat.
But, things happen and for reason we can never explain or understand.
* * *
"You have reached a non-existing number... please check the number and dial again."
"Come on, damnit! Don't do this to me." She yelled at the phone, dialing Nick's number again.
"You have reached a non--"
"SON OF A BITCH!"
"Good morning to you too. What's got you so blue?"
"So, cursing up a storm and yelling out "SON OF A BITCH!" is nothing? Huh, okay." Maggie said, turning away and heading towards the kitchen.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to Maggie everything that has been going on. I'm not sure what her reaction would be but, I really needed to talk to someone and the only person I could that with is my best friend.
"Oh. NOW we're talking. Apple or Orange?"
"Okay. So talk."
"Nick's been...coming around. Often. Well, I mean not often but, he came over for breakfast like once and, that was... awkward. Then he came again the other night... wait, no. First time he came, he dropped me off and then the next morning he came for breakfast and, about a week ago he was here. All three encounters have been awkward."
"Well... that sure is alot of take in."
"Yeah. It's been over a week since I last seen him or heard from him. He told me not to call but, I caved and called this morning. Apparently his number is no longer in service."
"Yeah. Shit is right. I just don't know what to do anymore. This is all too confusing. Before he decided to pop back into my life again, everything was fine. I was on the right path. Now? It's all over the place."
"Why is he even acting this way? What happend in the course of him coming over and-- do not tell me you slept with him?"
"EMMA. I swear I will cut you with this knife!"
"Okay, okay. No. I didn't sleep with Nick. God, that's never going to happen."
"Right. Well, you both don't have that amazing of a track record when it comes to you both fucking like rabbits."
"Yeah because, I really want to talk about how Nick and I use to go at it anytime, anyplace, anywhere? God, can we please not talk about that right now?" She said, waving her hands in the air with a digusted look on her face.
"Sorry. Continue. What crawled up his ass and died?" Maggie asked turning back to the stove.
"Apparently I did. I told him."
"You told him? Oh you mean about the, you know..."
"Yes. I told him about Haley."
"Oh. OOOOOH." She turned the stove off and turned around to look at Emma. "You TOLD him?"
"Yeah. I had to. I couldn't hold it in anymore. Especially it being Haley's birthday a week ago"
"How did he take it?"
"Not so well, at all. To the point that he told me he pretty much doesn't want to ever see me again. Doesn't want me calling or texting or even looking for him. I told him on her birthday."
"ON her birthday? JESUS Emma, no wonder he's pissed. He shouldn't be acting like an ass though."
"How is he acting like an ass?"
"He's doing what he always does. Running away. It's what Nick does. He can't handle his own problems."
"I don't think that's the issue here, Maggie. The problem is that I lied to him. That doesn't make me any better."
"Like he's never lied to you before?"
"That's not the point Maggie. He's lied plenty of times before, yes but, he's never kept something big like this from me. It's a child. HIS child, that I hid from him."
"So, now you're defending him."
"It's not about defending him. It's about ME owning up to my responsibility."
"He also needs to own up to HIS responsibility of not always running away when shit hits the fan either."
I sighed. "You're right."
"So what are you going to do?"
"There's nothing I could do. The damage is done. All I could do is just wait."
* * *
I had a daughter.
How can Emma keep something like this from me? All these years, all those months.
My own flesh and blood.
Growing inside of her and I didn't even know.
Now I feel like even more of a complete asshole for breaking up with her. Then again, I can't put the blame on myself. A baby changes everything, that's for sure. But, somehow I knew that if Emma had told me; this baby would've changed everything for the better. I loved Emma no matter what and even though she was scared, I would've been there every step of the way. Even if I was busy with the Boys and gone all the time, she still would've been with me.
I will never get that chance though. I will never get the chance to see my daughter grow.
It hurts me like you wouldn't even believe and for Emma to even keep this from me for two years is what hurts me the most. She had never lied to me before. Never. We were always open and honest with eachother. More so her with me. I, on the other hand, was still learning and trying to work on that apart. We were both young and naive but, we were both still learning and growing together.
Nick looked down at Emma's ultrasound of Haley and ran his finger along the side of it. He felt a lump in his throat and his eyes filling up with tears.
"Hi." He whispered, still running his finger along the picture. Staring at the tiny little figure. "It's your dad..."
God, how can you do this to me Emma?
A small ding that sounded like a doorbell interrupted his thoughts, announcing they had arrived at their destination. As the plane stopped, Nick pulled out his cell phone and sent a text.
It's Nick. I'm here.
A couple of minutes his phone vibrated, signaling that he had a text. He pulled his cell phone and read it.
It was from Brian.
Welcome to Atlanta.
"Well, my goodness gracious. Look what the cat dragged in. Mr. Nickolas Carter!"
Nick laughed and opened his arms to greet Brian. "Hey man! It's good to see you...again."
"Nick, it's only been a couple of days since we finished up recording."
"Yeah, yeah. I know. I just missed my best friend. That's all." Nick said while grabbing his bags.
"Okay. What happend to Nick and where is he?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're not your usual self. I can tell." Brian said while grabbing one of Nick's bags and tossing it over his shoulder.
"Just some stuff."
"Just some stuff? Carter doesn't just 'go through some stuff'. Usually when you're going through stuff, it's something major. You look exhausted. Like you have slept for days man."
"Talk to me, Nick."
"Look Brian, can we not do this? Right now? In the middle of the airport? Tonight, I promise."
"Alright, alright. No pressure. Whenever you're ready... I'm here."
* * *
"He's gotten so big, Bri."
"Yeah," Brian said, smiling, watching Baylee play with his toys in the living room later that night. "He really has."
"He looks exactly like you, too. No denying that."
Brian laughed. "You're right. He definitely does. My pride and joy."
"I thought it something like, bundle of joy?"
Brian looked at Nick. "Since when has Nick Carter become so interested in baby terms?"
Since I just found out that I had one. "I'm uh, not really. I just, you know. Heard it somewhere." He lied.
"You know since your his "Uncle Nick", it would be nice to see him having little "cousins" around to play with."
"Ha, real funny Brian." Nick snorted.
"What? It's true. When will we see little Nick Jr.'s running around, huh?" He said, slighty smirking at Nick.
"Okay. First, even if I DID have a kid, he's name definitely won't be 'Nick Jr.'"
"Relax Nick. I was just playing around with you man." Brian noticed Nick's mood changed and started to wonder why the topics of babies were effecting Nick this way.
"What's got you so, I don't know, uptight about this?"
"What? I'm not uptight. This is coming from the one person who acts like he has the little perfect family? Right." Nick said, while walking away.
"Whoa. Calm down Nick. I'm sorry that I love my family. Since it effects you that much, maybe next time I won't show them any love at all."
"Brian, that's not--"
"No, that's exactly what you meant, Nick."
"It's not. Look, I'm sorry Brian. I just, I don't know."
"What's going on? Talk to me."
"Really? Because, you pretty much just lashed out on me over something stupid."
"It's not stupid." He sighed.
"Oh, you talked to her?"
"How'd that go?"
"Shi-- I mean, horrible. She lied to me Brian, after all this time. She lied to me."
"She lied? About what?"
"She--" Nick stopped and thought about what to say. "I pretty much did what you told me to do."
"That's a first."
Nick looked up at Brian and glared at him. "Can I finish?" Brian nodded. "So, I did what you told me to do. I talked to her. I was going to go her apartment but, she ended up calling me first and asking me to come over because she said we needed to talk. So I did."
"Doesn't sound too horrible."
"It is. She started acting weird. Like she couldn't even look at me without crying or tearing up. All she kept telling me was that she was sorry and that she didn't mean for this to work out this way. At this point, I was confused like a motherfu--flower. So I asked her what was going on cause, she was scaring me. That's when she told me..."
"Told you what?"
"Just the look on her face when she told me. I know she felt sorry. I could see it in her eyes but, god. After everything, everything that I did and said, she pulls shi--crap out."
"Okay, I'm really trying to understand you here, buddy. What exactly did she tell you? Is she with someone else? She loves someone else? Heck, is she married? Kids?"
"No. Well, no to all of those...except the last one."
"Kids? She has kids?"
"Well, wow. Uh, that's...a bit--"
"Um, say what?" It was Brian's turn to look at Nick and glare at him.
"It's my kid. Well, was." Nick looked away and felt tears forming in his eyes.
"Was?" Brian asked, confused.
"Yeah. Emma told me that she only carried her for three months. Miscarriage. She would've been two years old now. But, you know what hurts the most Bri?" Brian shook his head.
"She told me on Haley's birthday." Nick whispered.
"Yeah. Haley Elizabeth. It was the name Emma and I had picked out when we were together. It was one night after a show when we were laying up in bed, thinking about how our future would be if we ever did decide to get married and have kids."
"I'm sorry Nick."
"Nah," He said, wiping a few tears. "It's not your fault. It just hurts me, man. She lied to me. She kept this shit from me."
"Is that why you called me and said you needed to get out of LA?"
"Yeah. I just, needed to get out. I can't be around that place or Emma for that matter."
"Well, I'm glad you're here. You know you can always call me and come out here and stay with us. We love you."
They both sat there in silence for a couple of minutes thinking of what to say.
"I'm sorry Nick. For what's it's worth, I know how you feel."
"Yeah. Like I said, it's not your fault. It just hurts."
"In the end, it'll get better. Just trust me on that one. Leave everything in God's hands, he'll know what to do with it." Brian smiled.
Nick reached into his pocket and pulled out the ultrasound picture. "This is Haley."
"Wow, she's beautiful." Brian said, staring down at the picture. "I mean it's all black and white and grainy but, you can definitely tell she's beautiful."
"She would've been..."
"No, Nick. That's where you're wrong. She's still in you. She's still in your heart. She might be gone but, her spirit still lives on in you and Emma. She still IS beautiful."
"Yeah." Nick then reached into his other pocket and pulled out a peice of paper. "I have this too." He said, handing the paper to Brian.
"Lyrics to a song. It's not much but, I just wrote a few things that I had in mind. Maybe you can like, add to it or something."
"What's it called?"
"It... doesn't have a title yet."
"Do you have like the melody and all of that so maybe we can piece it together and head over to the studio tomorrow?"
"Yeah. I got everything. Honestly, don't laugh but, it has like a country type...vibe to him."
Brian laughed either way. "You want to sing some of it?"
"Uh, yeah...sure. I could...do that."
"Go for it."
Nick sat down, closed his eyes and started to sing the words that he had written just a few hours ago on the plane ride to Atlanta.
How come you never know
What you got until it's gone
Because I never felt so good with anyone
How fooled was I into thinking
I was gonna be alright
So every day I try a little harder
To forget her
Lie here convince myself
Tomorrow will be better
The trouble is I can't get her out of my mind
When I close my eyes at night
Who's gonna save me
Now she's gone
The trouble is there's a part of me
That still can't let go of her memory
And now I know what it is
Love is what the trouble is
As Nick finished, he opened his eyes and saw Brian smiling at him. "What dude? You're giving me a creepy smile."
"I think we already got a title for that song."
Brian nodded. "'Trouble Is' You wrote that song for Emma didn't you?"
Trouble Is. Definitely has a nice ring to it. "Yeah, I did and about Haley too."
"Like I said Nick, she will always be apart of you. In here." Brian said, pointing to his heart."
"So listen, tomorrow we're heading to the studio to see if we can write a bit more on it and then lay down and see what happens."
"Sure. We could do that."
"Aright, well. I'm going to head up to bed. You'll be alright down here?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. I feel alot better, thanks."
"If you need anything, I'll be up there. Just knock or something."
"Thanks." Nick said. As Brian started to leave the kitchen, Nick called out to him. "Hey Bri?"
Brian turned around. "Yeah?"
"Thanks. For everything. I owe you."
"That's what best friends are for. Get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."
"Good night Bri."
"Good night Nicky."
Nick laughed, and with that, Brian was gone. As Nick was left alone, he grabbed the picture that was sitting on the counter, brought it to his lips and gave it a small peck.
"Good night baby. Sleep with the angels."
That's all I have been doing for the past three weeks. I haven't heard from Nick and I probably won't. It has been really exhausting but, I've come to the conclusion that I really did mess up this time.
"If it's meant to be, he'll find his way back." Those words kept echoing in my head. I had found out Nick had left LA. To where; I don't know. I looked and looked. I kind of felt like a stalker or one of those stupid paparazzi people but, I just wanted to see him again. I wanted him to know how sorry I was for hurting him the way that I did.
I guess I'll just have to go with the fact that it probably is over.
So here I was, writing in my notebook again with my guitar on my lap. The same guitar Nick had given me. The same one I had played for him the day he came over. I hadn't written in this thing for years so I'm surprised that it still had a few blank pages left to it.
As I wrote down the first few lines of a song that I had stuck in my head, I began to hum it softly to myself and then started to play the melody on the guitar.
I miss those blue eyes
How you kissed me at night
I miss the way we sleep
Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe
I really didn't know where Nick and I stood anymore. I told myself that I wouldn't do this again. That I wouldn't let myself get attached again. But, I did and... I was falling in love with him all over again.
I wrote down some more lyrics and contined to play the melody on my guitar and hum the words softly in my head.
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
I can't believe I still want you
After all the things we've
I miss everything about you
I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to when I'm not
It's like I'm not with me
Emma felt her eyes begin to fill up with tears as she closed them and thought about all the memories she had shared with Nick, all the while continuing to play her guitar and sing the lyrics that were in her head.
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
(still you're gone)
Can't believe that I still want
After all the things we've
I miss everything about you
By the time Emma had finished singing the song, she was in full tears. It was then in that moment that she realized she was completely in love with Nick. She put her guitar down and sighed, running her hand over her face. "This is insane." She whispered to herself.
"That was beautiful..."
Startled, she quickly turned around. For a second she thought she had Nick's voice but, she noticed it was just Patrick's.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Front door was unlocked."
Emma stood up and slowly put the guitar down. "It's okay. I didn't think you would come back here."
"Yeah, yeah. I was just driving around in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by to see how you're doing. That was a really nice song that you were singing. Someone in particular?"
"I'm good. Thanks for asking and, no, not anyone in particular." She lied. "It's just a song that I had been toying around with. Nothing big. Uh, how are you? I'm sorry about the other night at the club."
"Could've fooled me on that one. But, again it was really beautiful. I'm doing good. Great, even. And, hey it's fine. Don't worry about it. Wanna know what I think?
"Would you like anything to drink?" She said, changing the subject rapidly. "I don't have much right now but, I'll get you something if you'd like." She said, heading towards the kitchen.
"No, no. It's fine."
"Okay. So uh, what... do you think of what and what brings you around here?
"Well, I personally think that you should record your own songs and like I said, I just wanted to see how you were doing." He said reaching into his pocket. "Oh, uh this was left for... you at the front door. Thought I'd pick it up." He said, handing her a small package.
"Thanks. So, uh you really think I should record them?"
"Yeah, you should. Go for it. I know it's something you've been wanting to do for a long time. Your dream, even. You are so talented and an amazing singer."
I laughed. "Ha, thanks. You're right. Maybe someday I will get that."
Patrick watched her for a minute. "So listen, uh I have to head out of here in about 5 minutes. Would you like to go to dinner with me again... tonight?"
"Dinner? With me? Tonight?"
"Yeah. I just, you know, thought I'd make up for the last time. I mean if you don't want to it's fine with me. Just thought I'd ask."
"It's fine, Emma."
"It's not that, I just..."
"You have plans tonight or something?"
"No, not really."
"Not really, okay. It's just dinner."
Just dinner. Right. That's exactly what I said the first time Nick had asked me out to "dinner" and looked where that got us.
"So how about it? Pick you up at 7:30?"
"Come on Em, it's just dinner." He smirked.
If I had known better, I would think he was trying to pull that same smirk that Nick did. Sorry buddy but, the Famous Carter Smirk definitely doesn't look good on you.
"Okay," She sighed. "I'll go with you."
"Great. It's a date."
This was SO not a date.
"Sure." She smiled at him politely. "It was nice of you to... come by." She said walking Patrick to the door.
"My pleasure. See you tonight, Em."
She sighed, closed the door and made her way back into the kitchen.
Why the hell did I even accept Patrick's offer to dinner? She thought to herself. As soon as she made her way into the kitchen, she noticed the small package that Patrick had given her sitting on the counter.
It was addressed to her.
She opened it with caution and realized that it was a CD with a note attached to it. She noticed it was Nick's "chicken scratch" handwriting.
We recently just finished putting the last few touches on the album before we release it. I wanted you to be the first person to share it with. You probably figured it out by now that I am no longer in LA. I'm sorry. I had to get away for awhile. To clear my head about a few things. I'm still hurt, Emma. That feeling won't go anyway anytime soon. But, enough about that, I promised you the full version of our new album so here it is. I present to you...
P.S - I also added a few bonus tracks that didn't quite make it. I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy.
"Unbreakable..." She whispered to herself.
I was definitely surprised when I saw that Nick had kept his promise in me being the first one to listen to the CD before it was out. I was super excited for this. I couldn't wait to listen to it.
Patrick and his dinner would just have to wait.
Song used: "I Never Told You" by Colbie Caillat
I listened to the entire Unbreakable CD... after about 10 attempts. That's right, 10. Each one was even more difficult. In every single song, I found a specific meaning and it was always when Nick sang his parts or when Brian sang his. I never thought these lines on a peice of paper would mean so much to me and bring back so many memories.
She keeps her secrets in her eyes
She wraps the truth inside her lies
Just when I can't say what she's done to me
She comes to me
And leads me back to paradise
Helpless When She Smiles was the first song I listened to. It wasn't the very first track but for some reason, when I saw the title, I knew it had to be something about me and I was right. I couldn't stop listening to it. I couldn't stop going over the lyrics in my head. What was written was true. I did keep a secret in my eye and I did wrap the truth around a lie. I kept the secret of Nick having a child all to myself. I was shelfish and cruel.
I just wish he would forgive me.
Maybe I need to forgive him first.
She's so hard to hold
But I can't let go
I'm a house of cards in a hurricane
Reckless ride in the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain is all I want
She dance away just like a child
Drives me crazy, drives me wild
But I'm helpless when she smiles
In every single one of these verses I could clearly hear Nick's voice and honestly... it did sound like he was in pain. Like if he was actually trying to make me feel what he feels at that very moment.
* * *
Emma's thoughts were interrupted by the slamming of the door.
"Oh hey, sorry. Hands are full." Maggie said placing the grocery bags on the counter.
"What's all this?"
"I can see that... but..."
"We're having a guest."
"Oh, funny story. Ran into Patrick. He said something about you bailing on his date. So I..."
"No, you did not."
"Invited him over for dinner? Sure I did."
"YOU bailed on the poor guy! I was just being nice."
Emma sighed. "I had a reason why I bailed."
"Mopping around thinking about Nick? Yeah, that says alot."
"It wasn't mopping around thinking about Nick." She lied.
"Really? You could've fooled me."
"You know what, since you're so deadset on me dating Patrick and you like him so much... why don't YOU date him?"
Maggie sighed and stopped putting the groceries away and walked over to Emma. "Em, don't take this the wrong way but, you NEED to get over Nick."
"I don't need to get need to get over anything or anyone. I'm not thinking about anyone."
"Again, could've fooled me. All you do is think about Nick. Nick this, Nick that. Patrick told me he came by the other day to ask you out on the date that you oh so bailed on and he heard you singing..."
"It has to stop, Em."
Emma was completely outraged. How DARE anyone especially Maggie tell her what she should and shouldn't do. "You're not serious right now, right? Tell me you're joking. Tell me that I'm being punked right now."
"No. Sadly, you're not."
"God, what is your problem?!"
"My problem? I'll tell you my problem. My problem is that you don't do anything around here. My problem is that you spend all your day sitting on that couch or in your room playing away on that pretty little guitar of yours. My problem is that you spend all day writing in that stupid notebook that you've had for years."
"You can't be serious Maggie."
"Yeah, I am."
"I'm sorry that I like doing something that MEANS alot of me. I'm sorry that my life doesn't fit into your perfect little fantasy world. I'm sorry that I don't go out every single damn night and get drunk off my ass. I'm sorry that I don't do any of the things that YOU do. You know why? Because, nothing that you do even interest me. I like being on my own. I like having the free time that I have when I can get it. Just like you, I bust my ass every damn day. I come to this place to pick up and clean stuff that YOU leave around so telling me that I don't do anything is a load of bullshit. Maybe if you could step out of your little "celebrity world" and open your eyes, you would see what I do and if memory serves me correct, THIS is my apartment. YOU just moved in."
"Look, let's just have a nice quiet dinner tonight..."
"You know what? Don't bother. Or better yet, maybe you and Patrick can have your nice quiet dinner. I'm leaving."
"Emma, don't do this..."
"I am. You don't get to insult me. You don't get to put me down. You don't get to tell me who I should and shouldn't see. You don't get to tell me anything. Last time I checked, you're not my mother."
"Emma, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be your mother."
"Don't. Because honestly," She said, grabbing her jacket and heading towards the door.
"You are NOTHING like her... at all and you never will be."
* * *
"You got everything?" Brian asked a couple of minutes while they were in the car heading towards the airport.
"Yeah. Everything's here."
"Listen Bri, thanks for everything. You really didn't have to do any of this..."
"I did. You're my best friend. I knew you needed me the minute I heard your voice when you called."
"Aw. Brian's getting all mushy on me."
"Shut up." He laughed. "So what are you gonna do when you get back?"
"I was thinking about heading over to Emma's but, doubt that would be a good idea."
"I know, I know. I just want to know if she got the CD. If she even heard it. What she thinks of it. This is like the first time she isn't there to actually listen to it WITH me."
"Yeah man, I know but... just give it some time. Don't rush it. She'll come around."
"Yeah, I hope so." He whispered looking out the window.
* * *
"So... let me get this straight... your best friend is trying to hook you up with some doctor but, you're in love with someone else?"
"Does he know?"
"Does who know?"
"The guy you're in love with. Does he know that you're in love with him?"
"I've been in love with him all of my life. He knows but... he doesn't believe me."
"Ouch. I'm sorry. I know how that feels."
"So, how about another shot to mend that broken heart of yours?"
Emma laughed and then smiled. "Sure."
She had found herself sitting at some random bar downtown, just talking to a total stranger and drinking her sorrows away all the while thinking about Nick and wondering where he was and if he was ever coming back.
"So tell me about his mystery guy?"
Emma smiled again, thinking about Nick. "He's... everything. Tall, blonde, blue eyes, hot. Very very talented... amazing..."
"Sounds hot. He's got a name?"
"Nick." She smiled even more.
"Nick. Why does that sound familiar?"
"Yeah. Last name Carter?"
Emma was surprised. "Uh... ye--yeah yeah."
"Yep. I know him." The bartender smiled at her. "Good kid. Comes here alot, actually."
"Yeah. Usually sometimes by himself or with a group of friends."
So this is where Nick use to escape to. "Do you know if he came here recently?"
"No. Not that I could recall. It's probably been about a month or so since I've seen him." She noticed a few people coming in and got ready to take their orders. "Duty calls." She said tilting her head to the side.
"Yeah." Emma smiled. "Thank you. Definitely needed someone to talk to and thanks for the drinks."
"No problem hun. I'll be right back."
Emma sighed when she felt her phone vibrating. It was a text from Maggie.
Where R U?
Not coming home. Don't wait up. Have a fun date with your new boyfriend. - Em
She hit sent and then shut her phone off.
* * *
"Well hello there Popstar!"
Nick quickly turned around. "Amy!"
"Mr. Popstar, how the hell are ya?"
He laughed. "I'm okay. Been busy. Just got back from Atlanta."
"Atlanta? Well, goshdarnit. What were ya doin' out there?"
"Vacation. Seeing a friend."
"Now Carter, you know that's a crock of shit and I don't believe it."
"I had to get out of LA for awhile."
"Now we're talking... Girl problems?"
"Ha. Figures. Now before you get into telling me about your girl problems... what do you want?"
"Daniels... on the rocks."
"Well shit, you're hitting the bottle hard tonight aren't ya?"
"Just alot on my mind..."
"It wouldn't be about a pretty girl... about 5'5, blonde, green eyes... would it?" She said, arching an eyebrow at Nick with a hand on her hip.
"Since when did you become a mind reader?"
"Since she's been sitting over there," she said, pointing in the direction Emma was at. "For the past 3 hours... taking drink after drink and shot after shot."
"Are you serious?"
"Serious as a heart attack, Popstar."
Nick was quiet for a few minutes, thinking of something to say. He couldn't believe that him and Emma were in the same place again. After a few minutes, he looked up at Amy.
"Is the stage open tonight?"
"For you, it always is."
"Good because I'm gonna need it right now..."
"Why don't you just talk to the poor girl before you scare her with a serenade?"
"It's a long story. If I talk to her, she'll just chew me out."
"And you think she won't just get up and leave while you're singing your pretty little heart out up there?"
Nick looked at Amy with determined eyes. "Not with this song."
"Well then... stage is all yours."
* * *
Emma heard a whole bunch of commotion going on but, she really didn't pay much attention to anything.
Until she heard a familiar voice.
"Hey everyone... uh... it's been a while since I've been here... and uh... it's good to be back. But, uh... before I get into this song tonight I just want to see with a show of hands how many people have been in love and still are in love with that person that you think got away? I see alot of you have... well, I'm one of those people too. And... I don't know if she's out there tonight but... if she is... I just want her to know that I'm sorry for everything. I'm pretty sure everyone knows this song so if you do... feel free to sing it with me."
Highway run into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
You're on my mind
Restless hearts sleep alone tonight
Sending all my love along the wire
They say that the road
ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line it's been you and me
And loving a music man
ain't always what it's supposed to be
Emma turned around and noticed that it was Nick who was on the stage. Singing one of their favorite songs that they use to always sing to eachother.
She closed her eyes and remembered one specific night when they were laying in bed together, wrapped in eachother arms. They had both promised to love eachother forever and faithfully. She felt her eyes filling up with tears and opened them again, noticing Nick looking right at her and closing his to sing the next part of the song.
Circus life under the big top world
We all need the clowns to make us laugh
Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am lost without you
And being a part ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you
You stand by me
I'm forever yours... faithfully
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
I'm still yours
I'm forever yours
Nick opened his eyes and when he looked to where Emma was sitting, he found that she was no longer there. He smiled at the crowd and jumped off stage, rushing over to the bar.
"Where did she go?"
Nick turned around and rushed towards the door. As he stepped outside, he looked all around. Left, right but he couldn't see Emma.
As he walked down a few more blocks, he noticed something in the corner of his eye.
A person sitting down on a bench, crying. As he got closer, he noticed who it was.
It was Emma. "Em?"
Emma stopped crying and looked up. She noticed Nick was standing in front of her.
"Leave me alone Nick."
"Em, come on. I didn't... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. God..."
"Why did you come back?"
"I had to."
"I couldn't leave without..." He trailed off, looking away.
"Why did you?"
"What?" She said, looking up again.
"You brought me back. I couldn't leave you here. I couldn't just walk away and not say anything. I did that once before and I just can't do it again."
"You still did."
"I had my reasons."
"Why did you sing it?"
"I had to. I know what it means to you. What it means to us. It was our song and... as much as you don't want to admit it, it still is."
"Hear me out Emma..." He said, kneeling in front of her. "I love you. I always have. Nothing will ever stop me from loving you. Nothing. You don't just have a peice of my heart... you have it ALL."
"I can't stand this anymore. I can't stand that we have to be like this."
"Nick, please." Emma felt her eyes filling up with tears.
"I need you..." He finally whispered to her.
"I need you... you need me..."
Emma smiled and laughed a little at Nick's cheesiness. "I'm so sorry... about everything. About not telling you about Haley. I was so scared, Nick."
"Shhhh, I know. I know you were babe and I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I shouldn't have done that."
"You had the right to."
"I was scared to..."
"I've been... I've been hiding this in for a really long time... and I just want you to know, I..."
"I love you... and I don't want to lose you."
"Hey hey hey, come here." He said, grabbing her and hugging her. "What makes you think you're gonna lose me?"
"Because I lose everyone I care about. Anytime I open up to someone, they walk out of my life or they... die."
"You walked out of my life once already." She said looking away.
"I came back, didn't I?"
Emma nodded and looked at Nick.
"Do you know why?" She shook her head. "Because I had to come back and look into those green eyes of yours and tell you that I love you. You didn't push me away. I came back for you. I just want to let it all go away. I don't want it to be like this anymore. How would you like to just be happy? For once?"
Emma smiled bigger and stared at Nick.
"Stay with me..."
"Just for tonight..."
"Nick, I don't..."
"Tonight, that's it." He said, taking hold of Emma's hand.
"I'll stay with you."
"And no need to worry; that's wasting time
And no need to wonder what's been on my mind
"Do you remember this?"
Emma noticed the picture Nick was holding up. "Oh my god. Why do you still have that?!"
Nick laughed at her reaction. "I have everything. I pretty much saved it all."
"I can't believe you."
It was a couple of hours later when they had arrived at Nick's beach house. They were sitting in the living room, looking through Nick's old photo albums and remembering all the times when they were young.
"Do you realize how ugly I looked back then?"
"Oh shut up."
"What, it's true."
"No, it's not. You've always been beautiful..."
Emma looked at Nick and smiled. "Thanks."
"No need to thank me. That's a fact. Oh god, don't laugh but... look." Nick said, handing the picture to Emma.
"OH GOD. That haircut."
"Yeah." Nick laughed.
"I'm really glad you don't have that anymore."
"Really? How do you think I would look as a 27 year old man and a mushroom haircut?"
"Really, really ridiculous."
Nick continued to look through the pictures and put them back in order as Emma stared at him for awhile. She couldn't believe she was back in Nick's house; smiling and laughing with him.
Remembering old times. It was as if nothing ever happend. As if they were a couple once again.
Emma definitely liked the feeling, but she realized that they weren't a couple again and there were still things that they needed to clear up. Needed to talk about. Things that were bothering her and things that she, for sure, knew were bothering Nick.
"You called me 'babe'."
Nick looked at her, confused.
"Tonight. Outside the bar."
"Oh, right. Yeah... I'm-- sorry about that. It's just, you know, old habit." Nick sighed. Deep down, he really wasn't sorry.
"It's okay. I forgive you... for now." She smirked at him.
Nick laughed. "Thanks."
"So where'd you go? When you left. Where'd you go?"
"Uhuh." She said, taking a sip of her wine.
"Don't you think you've had enough to drink tonight?"
"No. I'm not a lightweight. Don't you think you shouldn't change the subject, Nick?"
"I figured that. How's he doing?"
"He's doing... really good." Nick said, distractedly.
"Did something happen?"
"No. No. Everything was great. I had a great time spending it with him. We went over alot of things. Songs, writings, talking..."
"You don't sound so convincing, Nick."
"It's just that... he... Baylee."
"Yeah. I just--I don't know. It kind of got me thinking about--"
"Haley." She said, looking down at her hands.
"I'm sorry for bringing it up."
"No, it's okay. I just saw how Brian was with Baylee and it just got me thinking. It's stupid." Nick said, getting up and heading towards the kitchen.
Emma followed him. "Nick, it's not stupid. You have all the right in the world to feel the way you feel. To think about her. She was apart of you as much as she was mine."
"I don't hate you Emma. I don't. I'm not mad at you either. I admit, when you told me, I was. That's why I left. I just needed to get away. Clear my head. I was wrong. I should've been there for you. I was too caught up with what I was doing that I didn't even notice that you were sick or that something was wrong and I know you tried to tell me a couple of times but, my selfish ways took over."
"Nick... it's okay. I don't hate you either. I'm sorry for not telling you. If I could tell you how much I'm sorry every single damn day, I would... I will." She said, getting closer to him. This time, he didn't back away.
"Emma, you don't have to do that."
"But, I want to. You deserve that much."
"And you deserve a whole lot better then me."
"Don't. Don't even say that."
"It's not. Jesus Nick, do you not even realize how much I love you? Every single minute, second, month, year, day that we were apart... it was like... like an entire part of me died. You were apart of me. I was apart of you. You gave me the greatest thing I could have ever gotten from someone; and that's your love... and Haley."
Emma noticed Nick's eyes were starting to fill up with tears and hugged him as she whispered to him.
"I love you. I have always loved you. I tried and tried but, this feeling... this feeling won't ever go away. I didn't think I understood how hard it was going to be once you weren't around. It seemed like it was almost killing me and it took me a long time to even begin to feel normal again. I tried to leave MY life. I tried to just forget about everything and move on but, the minute I saw you at Katsuya... everything came back and those old feelings that I had... came back again."
"Want to know a secret?" Nick said, backing away from her.
"I felt the same exact way that night."
Emma sighed. "I know you did Nick. I saw it in your face, your eyes. I just-- God... why didn't you at least call?"
"I couldn't Em."
"I just couldn't..."
"WHY? I want answers, Nick."
"Because just... listening to you. Hearing your voice. I know that I would've changed my mind and at that moment, I didn't want that. I had made up my mind already. Selfish me took over in that moment."
"You think that every single day I didn't cry myself to sleep? Did you think it was some sort of fucking marathon without you? It wasn't! I was alone. You left me alone and I had no idea what I was doing. I NEEDED you. I needed you to help me. I didn't know that this was going to happen to me. But, it did."
"And why didn't you call me? You're so worried about why I didn't call... you never called me once in the years that we were apart."
"You don't think I tried? I picked up that goddamn phone a thousand fucking times to call you. I tried Nick. Do you think I want to be standing here, in front of you, doing this?"
"No because I don't want to do this either."
Emma sighed once again and looked away. She stood there in silence for a few minutes playing back everything that happend and everything that Nick told her.
"Would you do something for me?"
"Anything." Nick whispered to her.
I wasn't sure if I was hearing correctly but, if memory serves me right... Emma had asked me to kiss her.
Yeah, she definitely did.
"No, don't do that. I know you want to kiss me."
"I do. God Emma, you have no idea how much I do..."
"Then kiss me."
"Tell me that this isn't over between us."
Nick sighed. "It never was."
Nick stood there quiet for a couple of minutes. Really think over what Emma was asking him. He knew that he really did want to kiss her, but he knew that if he kissed her, things would probably go faster then they should.
"Don't you think it's getting a bit late? We should like... sleep."
"Yeah. Sleep sounds nice. Let's do that."
I was definitely avoiding the situation and I didn't know why. I wanted so badly to kiss Emma. I just couldn't. She was halfway to being drunk and I knew that if I kissed her, I wouldn't be able to control myself and right now... I can't have that happen between us.
"Stop avoiding me."
"I'm not avoiding you." He lied.
"Yeah, you are." She said, following him out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
"I'm not Emma."
"So why won't you kiss me?"
Nick turned around to face Emma. "Because... it'll just..."
"You know what."
"I just don't want things to go fast and lead to places we both know can't happen right now."
Emma just stood there staring at Nick, shocked. "Is this about sex?"
Nick nodded and then turned back to the stairs.
Emma laughed, loudly. "You can't be serious."
"It's not funny, Emma. You have no idea how hard this is right now. Resisting..."
"Then why are you?"
"Because... I just... I don't want to take advantage of you. Look at you, you're drunk. You just need to sleep it off."
"I'm not drunk, Nick. I'm perfectly fine. You're just a wuss and you're doing all of this to avoid me."
Nick sighed and continued to look for extra clothes for Emma to wear. Emma just stood there, staring at Nick's back. Wondering what he was thinking about.
"These are for you." He said while handing her one of his shirts and jogging pants.
"Thanks.... wuss." She whispered the last part thinking Nick didn't hear her.
"Yes. Wuss." She said, sticking out her tongue.
"Don't bother sticking that out if you're not going to use it."
"And you want me to use it?"
Emma just giggled and watched Nick some more. "Nice ass."
She laughed again. "What I'm sorry? You're just too easy!"
"Can you just go change so I can go to bed?"
"Can you get out so I could do that?"
"Your room is next door."
"Oh..." She said as she looked down.
Shit, she thought she was going to stay in my room. "Or.... we could... you know... share? I mean, the bed is big enough for two people."
"Uh, it's... fine. I don't think that would be the best idea..."
"Okay. So... um, goodnight?"
Things were definitely awkward right now. "Goodnight Em." She smiled at him and walked out.
Nick silenty cursed himself for not going through with it. For not kissing Emma. But, he had his reasons. He didn't want to move too fast. He had just started to get on her good side and he didn't want to mess anything up.
Little did Nick know, Emma was silently standing outside his door; cursing herself too for seeming too desperate. She was never like this before, but something about Nick made her feel that way. She wasn't sure if it was a good type of feeling or a bad one, but all she knows was that it made her feel weird.
* * *
A loud thunder clap and lightening filled up the entire room.
Emma woke up with a startled. She looked over to her nightstand. 1:30am.
"Great. How is anyone suppose to sleep around here with this loud storm?" She said as she got out of bed and made her way down the hall.
If there was one thing I hated, it was thunderstorms. I had always been terrified of them as a kid and growing up. The thunder wasn't so bad. Neither was the rain. The rain had me feeling other things. What got to me the most was the lightening. It was the most scariest things that I've ever seen. I couldn't stand being in that room for one more minute by myself.
* * *
I heard a knock.
Was I dreaming?
"Nick?" A knock and then my name. This is weird... am I suppose to be hearing these things? It was then I heard a bigger bang on my door and a louder voice calling my name.
I instantly shot up. My heart was racing a mile a minute. I thought something bad was happening, like if there was a fire or something. I heard my name again a third time with a few more knocks. Then I heard someone opening my door.
"Ni-? Oh, sorry. I thought you were sleeping."
"I was, actually. I was about to open the door."
"I'm really sorry. It's just that it's..." She pointed to the window when a flash of lightening came. "That..."
"A thunderstorm, nice." He chuckled.
"Easy for you to say. You're not the one scared of them." She said making her way towards the bed. "Is it okay if I crash here until it's over?"
"Yeah, no. I mean... it's fine. Go right ahead." He said, scooting over to give Emma some room.
"Thanks." She said while climbing into the bed and getting comfortable.
"Remember... a few years ago... that bad storm... and we stuck on your bus for hours?"
Nick slowly turned around to face Emma. "Yeah. That was fun."
"Yeah, it was. We played video games most of the night and then we cuddle to watch scary movies and you just kept trying to scare me."
"I did get you a few times though."
She laughed. "Yeah, you did."
"You know what else I remember?"
"What?" Emma asked.
"This... how we just use to always lay down together and talk all night. I miss it..."
"Yeah," she smiled at him, "I do too."
"You know what else I miss?"
"What?" She said, looking right at Nick.
"This." Nick got closer to Emma and wrapped his arm around her tiny waste and placed a small but, simple kiss on her lips.
They kissed again... and again... until Nick's hand started to wander all over Emma's body.
"Nick," Emma whispered. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yeah, I'm sure. God Emma, you have no idea how much I've been waiting to do this."
"Good. Me either." Emma did the same.
Nick was looking at all of her body with an eager look, and that made her et hornier and all she wanted to do was feel him inside her at that very moment. She continued to moan as he continued to take her shirt off and suck on her already hard nipples. She couldn't hold back the moan that was hiding.
"Mmm... Nick." Emma whispered.
As if he could read Emma's mind, he put his hand on her leg, slowly moving his hand towards her now aching center that was already wet. He moved further down her body and started to untie the strings from her pants. After he did that, he took them off along with her panties and demanded she spread her legs.
"Spread your legs for me baby. I want to see that perfect little clit." He whispered in her ear.
"Nick..." Emma moaned again.
I was totally turned on and incrediblely horny. He slowly made his way down my body again, and put his mouth on my swollen lips and started to lick and suck on my clit. He started to eat me out like it was his last supper. I couldn't help but more some more.
"Mmmmm." She moaned while putting her hands on Nick's head and tugging at his hair a bit.
I just loved the way his tongue rubbed up and down my swollen clit. I reached up with one of my hands and gently pinched one of my nipples.
"You like this?"
Emma would feel Nick's voice vibrating on her clit and it made her even more wet.
"Oh god..." She pushed her head back into the pillow.
"Tell me baby."
"Yes!" Emma's moans got louder and louder and Nick started to lick her long and hard. She continued screaming out his name in pleasure. Glad that no one could hear her deep and loud moans.
"Oh god, Nick!"
"Mmm. That's right baby. Scream for me."
"Oh my god... oh my god..." is all Emma repeat over and over again. Her back arched and he knew was next. He immediately withdrew from her clit as much as he was enjoying it.
"Why are you stopping?!" She yelled.
Nick laughed and kissed her clit one last time. "I can't take it anymore baby. I need to be inside you."
"Fuck me then."
"Mmmm. I thought you'd never ask." Nick got up from the bed and went to the bathroom to look for a condom before coming back into the room.
"Let me." She said, while grabbing the condom from Nick. He moved back slighty so he could be more comfortable. He proped himself on his elbows to watch her every movement. Their eyes met one more time and her motions slowed to a standstill, as if she felt his hesitancy transmitted along his shaft. Her lips, which were formed into a kiss, rest right on the top; her tongue, which was barely moving, gently played across the tip of Nick's penis.
"Fuck..." Nick whispered.
After the longest pause, Nick brushed Emma's cheek then gently pushed her head down with his right hand, encouraging her to suck him. He pulled her shirt over her head, which caused her to release her sucking grip, unclipped her bra and discarded it while holding her firm breasts in his hand. He then tweaked her nipples to hardness and closedhis eyes to enjoy every sensation she was giving his cock with her hands and tongue.
"Emma, baby, that feels so fucking good..." Nick can feel his orgasm about to happen. "Baby, I'm gonna.... fuck..." Emma began to suck harder and harder.
"Damn baby!" Nick yelled, releasing all of his juices into Emma's mouth.
She came up from his cock, licking, sliding up his body.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" She whispered. Nick looked into Emma's eyes and nodded. She positioned herself over his cock. Their eyes locked together and she searched his face for the slightest change that will guide her in bringing pleasure to him. Slowly, she pressed her wetness down onto him, as he entered her. Just the tip, then out again.
"Oh...my god." Emma moaned.
"You want more?" He asked her.
"YES. Ooooh more, please."
This time, Nick pushed up just a little more then all the way, increasing the depth of entry each time and his cock is soon glistening full length from her juice and he is ready to explode.
"Fuck Emma..." Nick growled.
He reached up and pulled her tits to his mouth, sucking and biting her nipples, feasting on her. He caught a glimpse of movement in the corner of his eye and realize that he can just see them both reflected in the dressing table mirror. He noticed how her gorgeous ass was moving up and down and the base of his cock and balls smacking against her from underneath. The sudden reality of it all almost sent him over the edge of orgasm. He soon realized that Emma reached down and touched herself, gently at first, then more firmly. Her cunt got tight on his cock and she sat down on him hard, with all her weight, forcing him to go deeper inside her. Nick can feel her tight muscles massaging him and he knows he can't last now. He knows that she is close too. He looked up at her, her eyes closed and her fingers were moving quickly, urgently on her clit.
"Faster baby." Nick grabbed ahold of her hips and started moving her on top of him even harder.
"Oh my fucking god..."
All the pleasure in his body rushed to that one point, the tip of his cock, then spread along the length of it, through his balls, his groin, his stomach, rising up into his brain with a sweet, hot, delicious explosion that racks his whole body until the pleasure fills his whole world. Wave after wave. He felt his cum rising up, he tried to hold it back to the last moment until he couldn't restrain it anymore and pumped it into her with deep thrusts. She fell onto his chest, shaking and moaning.
"That. was. AMAZING." Emma said, out of breath still on top of Nick.
"Yeah." Nick said, while stroking Emma's back slowly and sweetly.
"God how I missed that."
"Me too, baby. Me too."
They were both out of breath. They held eachother tightly without saying anything else. Nick was still inside of her, Emma still on top of Nick, her arms were around him, mouths kissing and tongues playing.
They both knew that it was wrong but, they also knew that it was the most amazing night of their lives, and if there was one other thing that they were definitely certain about was that everything that happend...
It was purely inevitable.
"Because the way we kiss is better then any drug
Because when I'm with you
I believe in love..."
I didn't know what had gotten into me. Well... I did know but, that's besides the point. It just happend, and none of it was planned. Being with Nick felt so amazing. It was like as if nothing ever happend between us. As if we were together once again. Everything stopped at that moment and I felt like we were the only two people in the world. I didn't know how safe I could really be until I was wrapped up in Nick's arms.
That's when I knew how safe I truely was.
Now here I am, laying in his bed and just staring at his beautiful, peaceful sleeping form. I watched the steady rise of his chest and I couldn't help but notice part of his hair falling into his face. I slowly brushed it away from his face and felt him stir in his sleep a little bit.
"Shhhh, I'm here." She whispered.
Nick slowly opened his eyes and look right at Emma. He noticed that she had a glow in her eye. 'After sex glow, nice.' He thought to himself.
"Hi." She smiled at him.
"Yeah, just laying here. I don't feel like getting up..."
"Tired?" He smirked at her.
"Ha, not close." She smirked back.
Nick got closer and wrapped his arm around Emma's waist. "So I was think--" but, before he could continue talking, his phone rang. He grabbed it from the nightstand and noticed that it was Brian calling. "Shit... I gotta take this. Be right back." He said kissing Emma softly.
"Alright." She said, smiling at him.
As if on cue when Nick walked out of the room, Emma grabbed her phone from the nightstand and turned it on. She realized she had about 20 text messages and 30 missed calls from Maggie. She sighed while dialing Maggie's number. It rang a few times before she picked up. "Hello?"
"Mag, it's me."
"Emma? WHERE the fuck have you been?"
Emma sighed again. "I told you, I wasn't going back home last night. I just needed some time to myself."
"Well... Patrick called. He wanted to see you."
"Before you go all batshit crazy on me again... just talk to the guy. Give him some type of explaination as to why you are always blowing him off."
Because I was blowing someone else last night. "Couldn't you have told him? Surely he came by last night."
"He didn't. I cancelled after you left and no... that's not my job to tell him. It's yours."
"Fine, I'll talk to him."
"Good. Now where'd you go? I called you a million times."
"I was out."
Before Emma could get a chance to tell Nick to not say anything, he came barging into the room.
"Hey Em, I have to--"
He looked over to Emma who was the phone and flying her arms all over the place. She hoped that Maggie wasn't paying attention at that moment.
"Wait, is that?"
"Is that...? I heard someone."
"You didn't hear anyone." She said, giving a warning glance to Nick.
"I did. I sure did."
"You must be hearing things Mags."
"No, I'm not. I'm 27, not 70. I know what I heard and I know who's voice that was."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"That was... OH MY GOD. That was Nick. YOU'RE WITH NICK!"
"Maggie, look. I gotta go. I'll be home in a few."
"DO NOT hang up this phone Emma. You're fucking Nick Carter again."
"NO NO NO N---" Before she could say anything else, Emma cut her off and threw the phone on the floor. She looked at Nick. "She knows."
"She as in Maggie and knows as in... she knows I'm with you. She heard you."
"Yeah. Look Nick, I have to go. I'm sorry I can't stay any longer." She said, getting up from the bed and wrapping the thin sheet around her body, and heading towards the bathroom.
"Wait wait wait..." Nick said grabbing her arm and pulling her close to him.
"Nick... I have to go." She whispered.
"Don't go, please." He whispered back to her.
"I have to."
"No, you don't."
"I do. I really do. I don't want to... but, I have to."
"Stay with me."
"I've overwelcomed my stay."
"Last night was amazing Nick. It really was. I definitely missed it but..."
"But? There's a but? If it's what I think you're going to say then don't say it at all." He said, letting go of Emma.
"Nick, what happend last night... it was the most amazing thing. God knows I've been missing that but I can't let it happen again until we both know for sure that this is what we want. That this is really going to work between us. That nothing or no one is going to come between us, what we have."
"Last night wouldn't have happend if you know that there is something left there between us. Stop hiding behind so many fake feelings Emma."
"What? I'm not hiding behind anything."
"Did you not even feel anything last night? Anything at all?"
"I did. God Nick, you have no idea how much I did but, I have to know that this isn't some game. That this is real..."
"It is real. I love YOU Emma. Always have. Always will. Nothing is stopping me. Looks like there is for you."
"There isn't. Not a damn thing. I just..."
"You need to know if this is real?"
"Yes." She whispered, feeling tears building up in her eyes.
Nick walked over to his dresser and opened his top drawer, searching for something. When he finally found it, he turned to Emma. His heart was slowly breaking just seeing her standing there, looking so vulnerable and on the verge of tears but, he needed to tell her this.
"You want to know if this is real, right?"
"Here..." He said, pulling out a black little square box and handing it to Emma.
"Open it. You'll see."
Emma wiped the tears that were falling from her eyes. She slowly opened the box. As she opened it, her mouth fell and eyes got bigger. "Oh... my god..."
Inside the black little square box was a big, sparkly diamond ring. The engagement ring that Nick was going to give Emma a few years ago.
Emma couldn't stop staring at it. More tears were threatening to come out. Nick's voice broke her thoughts. "I kept it..."
"You kept it?"
"Yeah. It was the ring I was going to give you the night our album for Black and Blue had dropped."
"That was 8 years ago..."
"Yeah, and I've kept that very same ring with me for 8 years."
"Because, I knew that if I kept that same ring that somehow, someway... your memory would still be with me. That I didn't forget you completely. That someday you would come back to me, we would be together again and I could give you that same ring."
"You kept a ring as a memory of me?"
"It always reminded me of that night I was going to propose. It allowed me to keep moving forward. To think of some night that I would be able to give it to you again and I could see the look on your face."
"I know, you don't have to say anything. I just thought you should know that I love you Emma. It's never going to end. I hope you realize that.
"It's... beautiful." She said, staring at the ring still.
"It's yours. It's always going to be yours." Nick whispered.
"I... have to go. I'm sorry." She said, shoving the ring back to Nick and storming out to the bathroom.
Nick followed Emma out to the bathroom. Before he reached out to her, she slammed the door. "Em, listen... I... have to go but, I'll be here. I'll always be here. I'm not giving up on you, on us anymore."
As he leaned closer to the door, he could hear her sniffling. He knew that she had been crying.
"I'm sorry, babe. Not for last night, but for today. I just... I had to show you. Just please... let me in this once." He whispered the last sentence to her.
He didn't hear anything coming from her. All he heard was more sniffling. He sighed.
"I'm not walking away anymore. I'm not scared. I know you are, but there's no need for you to be scared anymore... I love you, Emma."
And with that, he sighed once more and left to go to the studio to meet up with the rest of the guys for a meeting about their new album. He just hoped it was good news so that he can share it with Emma.
"Nick, pay attention."
"Pay attention. You're daydreaming."
"Sorry." He straightened himself up and paid closely attention to what the other guys were saying, but he still couldn't get his mind off of what happend with Emma last night and this morning.
"Okay, so here are your schedules... we will be heading over to the Europe in about a week in time for the release of Unbreakable."
"Europe?" Nick spoke up.
"Uh, no. I just... didn't think we were... going over there so fast."
"Nick, you knew about this already when we talked about it with management."
"Yeah, yeah but... I just... nevermind."
Brian was the first one to look at Nick with a weird look on his face and then AJ. They knew that something was up with him, but they both weren't sure if they should ask him what was wrong.
"You know everyone out there lov..."
I blocked out everything everyone was saying. I couldn't focus on anything at the moment. I was too busy thinking about Emma and everything that happend in the span of the last 24 hours. The words that she had just kept playing over and over in my head.
"I have to go..."
"I need to know if this is real..."
It was real. We both know that. How many more ways can I actually prove it to her?
"You're not paying attention... again." Brian whispered angrily.
"Sorry, look Brian... I gotta go."
"Yeah... everything." Nick said, standing up and storming out of the room.
"Whoa Nick, wait up." Brian said catching up with Nick at the end of the hall.
"Brian... I have to go."
"You can't just bail out like that on a meeting."
"I know and I'm sorry I just... I can't be here today."
"What's going on?"
"Just alot... I need to clear my head about a few things first."
"Nick, this can't keep going on. You need to get it together."
"I know, I know. I just..." He trailed off, looking away.
"You just what?"
"There's alot of things I need to fix right now."
"We're leaving in about a week."
"Yeah... if you'd pay attention today, you'd know."
"Look Nick, I understand what you're going through... I do, but this is it for us. We can't constantly let people get in between things like this."
"You know Brian," Nick said turning around to face Brian, "that's easy for you to say since you actually have a wife and kid who follow you around."
"All I'm saying is we're leaving in a week, Nick."
"I get it."
"And just so you know, they don't follow me around like lost puppies. They're MY family. If I want to bring them with me everywhere I go, I'll do that."
"Brian I didn't mean it like that..."
"It's fine Nick. I get it. I'm going back now. Just... take the day off. I'll keep you informed and fax over anything else we need and let the guys know."
"Thanks man... I'm sorry again. I just can't focus today. Tomorrow, I promise."
"It's fine. Now go fix it before it's too late." He smiled, knowing exactly what was going on with Nick.
"Thanks Bri. I'll call you later!" He shouted, practically running to his car.
The whole car ride home all he kept thinking about was Emma and wondering if she was still at his house.
* * *
Emma slowly walked out of Nick's bathroom a few minutes later after he had left. She still couldn't believe everything that happend. She didn't regret anything. She knew that sooner or later, things... unexplainable things... were going to happen between them. She wasn't afraid to admit that she liked it. Infact, she loved it. She realized that being with Nick, even if it wasn't just in a intimate way, made her feel wanted, loved, needed and most of all, safe. She knew Nick loved her no matter what and she loved him too. She was just afraid to fall back into that routine again with him.
She wiped her tears and walked back into Nick's master bedroom and stopped when she saw all their clothes on the floor. The room was a total disaster from their previous nights activities. She shook her head, trying not to think back to what happend and started cleaning up and putting everything back into place. This is so fucking stupid, she thought to herself. She finished putting everything back into place and sat on the bed to write Nick a letter before she left.
* * *
Nick pulled up to his driveway and practically jumped out of his car leaving his keys and everything in there. He ran up the steps and into the house.
"Emma?" Nick walked into the living room and then into the dining room. Still nothing. Shit... maybe she's downstairs? He thought to himself and walked down to his studio. "Em?" Silence.
"What the hell?"
Then he remembered earlier in the morning when he left Emma in the bathroom, crying. He slowly walked up the stairs, realizing that all he heard was silence. He stopped to listen. Nothing. He walked up a few more steps and headed towards the bathroom. As he approached the bathroom, he knocked softly, "Emma?"
He soon realized that Emma was no longer there, waiting for him. As he walked into his bedroom, he noticed that everything was put back into place. He closed his eyes, remembering what happend the night before and sighed. He can still smell her scent. As he opened his eyes, he looked towards his bed and saw a letter sitting on his pillow with his name on it, written in Emma's handwriting. He walked towards his bed and sat down. He took the letter, opened it and sat down to read it. As he was reading it, he could clearly hear Emma's voice in his head.
I don't even know how or where to start this... or I'll start by saying that I'm sorry. You're probably tired of hearing me say this, but it's true. I'm sorry for everything that happend. You're a great guy and you don't deserve that. I'm sorry if you feel like I just used you last night. It wasn't my intention. I enjoyed and loved every single part of it. I'm scared to admit this, but... you make me feel safe... and... I love you for that. I don't want to keep doing this with you. I'm tired of running away from you. I'm tried of acting like a scared little girl. I'm tried of fighting with you. I just want us to be able to start over again. Start new, start fresh. I forgive you Nick. For everything. I just hope that you forgive me too.... I keep rambling on... and I don't know what else to say. I just... I'm sorry.
With all my love,
P.S - The ring? It was beautiful and I loved it. Thank you. You're right though... maybe one day you could actually give it to me like you always wanted.
I love you.
When he finished reading the letter, he felt a lump in his throat and swallowed it hard. He pulled out his cell phone, scrolled down to Emma's name and clicked the "Call" button.
One ring. Two rings. On the third ring, her heard her voice.
"Hey, it's m--" It was just her voicemail instead. He sighed and ended the call without leaving her a message. He highlighted her name again and decided to send her a text.
* * *
As Emma was pulling up to her own driveway, she felt her phone vibrating, indicating that she had a text message. She grabbed her phone and slid it open. She was surprised when she saw Nick's name on the screen. She opened the message.
Dinner tonight? 7pm? Please say yes. We need to talk...
She thought about it for a few minutes and then hit reply. Yeah, sure. 7pm is fine. See you soon then. She ended it with a smily face and hit sent.
Nick's phone vibrated again. He knew it was from Emma. He opened it and read it with a smile on his face. He then hit reply once more.
Thanks. See you soon then. :)
"Okay this is stupid. I can't even... I don't know what I'm doing. Okay... I do, but this is really stupid."
Emma couldn't stop pacing back and forth and talking to herself the rest of the night when she was trying to get ready. Why she was nervous, she had no idea. She had his unsettling feeling in her stomach especially when Nick told her that they needed to talk. She wondered if he had read her letter. What exactly did he think about it. Did he want to start over? Start new, just the way she did or was he just in it for the sex? Sometimes, Emma thought, that's all that he really wanted. She was playing out so many different scenerios in her head. Maybe he'll finally realize that he wants to be with me... we'll make hundreds of babies, get married and live happily ever after.
"Yeah," Emma snickered. "This is stupid. So freaking stupid."
"What is? Wow! Hot date tonight?" Maggie said walking from her shower.
"Actually, yeah." Emma couldn't help, but smile like a Cheshire Cat.
"So you finally gave in to Patrick?" Maggie said distractedly, trying to find something to wear.
"No." Emma said, putting the finishes touches to her make up.
"Um, really? Who is with then? Wait nevermind. I think I have an idea."
"Who do you think?"
Maggie cleared her throat and attempted to mock Emma's voice. "Niiiiick."
Emma put her hairbrush down and turned towards Maggie. "Really? Don't ruin this for me tonight Maggie."
"What? I'm just kidding with you. Lighten up. You would think for a person who already got laid, you'll be more laid back."
"Wow Maggie. Seriously?"
Maggie laughed. "Em, relax. I think you're just nervous."
"You look nice."
Emma didn't say anything back. For the past couple of days, she had been thinking about whether or not to ask Maggie to move out. She missed having her own place and her own space to do whatever she wanted to do. She realize that having a roommate was too much. She was tired of having to deal with Maggie owning the place like if it was her own apartment.
"Mag, listen, I've been meaning to tell you this and..." Before she could finish, her phone started ringing. She picked it up from the nightstand and noticed it was Nick calling. "Hello?"
"Hey, it's me. Just calling to see if you're ready to go."
Emma couldn't help but laugh at Nick's persistance. "Yeah, I'm ready as I'll ever be."
"You sound nervous."
"Uh, I'm... not." She laughed nervously.
"Alright. So I'm heading out now. I'll be there in about 15 minutes."
Emma smiled. "Okay.
"See you soon."
"See you soon then."
"Don't be nervous. It's just me, alright?"
"Nick, I'm not nervous. Now don't keep a lady waiting."
"I won't. See you in a bit."
Emma sighed and put the phone back down.
"Was that your booooyfriend?"
She ignored Maggie's question. "So what was it you were going to tell me?"
Emma turned around to face Maggie. "I was thinking... that... please don't be mad when I tell you this, but... I think it's best if you move out."
"What." Maggie said, flatly.
"I'm sorry. I just-- It's time that you had your own place, your own space and I can't deal with this whole roommate thing anymore. It's taking up too much time and energy."
"Taking up too much time and energy?"
"Yeah. I just--," Emma sighed and continued. "I can't do this anymore Maggie."
"Tell me how you really feel Emma." Maggie said while rolling her eyes.
"Okay, you know what? I'm trying to have like a normal conversation with you without having to argue."
"Don't bother Emma. You want me out right? Fine, I'll do that." She said storming out of the room.
Emma followed her. "Mag, that's not what I'm saying."
"Yeah, it is." She said grabbing her suitcase.
"Maggie, it's not. I'm just saying... Things are changing with me. With everything and I just need to start off new."
"You know, maybe you just want me out so you could move in your new boyfriend?"
"Really Maggie? This is how you want to do this?"
"Emma, just go to your awesome date with your awesome new boyfriend and let me pack my stuff so that I could leave out of your awesome apartment."
Emma was taken back a little by Maggie's attitude. "THIS is exactly why I'm saying this. Your attitude stinks."
"Really? This is coming from the one who's always mopping around over her ex boyfriend who probably doesn't even give a shit about her. Let's not forget his child that she lost and didn't even tell him about."
"That was fucking low."
"It's the truth."
As Emma was about to say something else to Maggie, she heard Nick's car pulling up to her driveway. She sighed, feeling the lump that was rising in her throat. She glanced over at Maggie who was folding her clothes and packing them into her suitcase.
"That was real low." She whispered.
"You know, you should be grateful that I let you even stay in my house. You are so selfish."
"Yeah, you're one to talk."
"Good. Don't you have a date tonight anyways? I'm kind of busy here and don't need any interruptions."
"You know what? There's no need for your attitude. I tried to have a normal conversation with you, but it seems like all you do is want to argue and fight because that's how you try getting your point across. That's over with Maggie. I tried to be your best friend. You should be grateful that I even let you stay in my house. It's one thing to be my best friend and give me advice when I need it, but it's another thing to actually get into my business and put your nose into things that don't concern you."
"I was just--"
"No. You don't get to do that. You get to throw in cute little comments to benefit yourself and hurt others. What has Nick done to YOU that's so bad? Nothing. There's no reason for you to say anything bad about him at all."
"There isn't? He left you... ALONE. If he didn't give a shit about you before, what makes you think he's going to do the same again?"
"That doesn't concern you!"
"It does when you're always complaining about it, but obviously that's all gone now since you went and fucked him."
"It's none of your business what I do! Since you want to know so badly, YES I did fuck him. What's it to you? I'm perfectly happy. Maybe that's what you need."
"Ha, funny." Maggie stopped packing her clothes and looked out the window to see Nick standing there. "Your boyfriend's outside."
Emma glanced over at the clock. It was almost 7. Shit! Emma went over to the closet, retrieved her coat and slipped her shoes on. She headed towards the door, but before she left, she turned around to Maggie. "Like I said, I'm done with you... and as far as I'm concerned... so is our friendship. You can kiss that goodbye. By the time I come home tonight, I want you gone." She said opening the door and slamming it.
As she walked outside, she closed her eyes and took a deep breathe and counted to 10.
"Hey, took you long enough. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm alright. I'm sorry for making you wait. I just... had to deal with something."
"Oh hey, it's fine. I'm not in a rush. I mean... I did make reservations, but it's cool."
"God I feel like an asshole."
Nick laughed and then smiled. "Don't be. So... shall we?" He said, lending his arm for Emma to take.
Emma looped her arm over Nick's. She looked at him and smiled. "Let's go."
* * *
"Okay, seriously Nick. Where are we going?"
Nick didn't take his eyes off the road. They had been driving for a really long time. "If I tell you, then I'll ruin the surprise and that wouldn't be fun."
"But we've been driving for a long time. Are we going on a road trip or something that I have no idea about?"
Nick couldn't help but laugh. "No Em."
Emma sighed. "Cooooome on. So... where are we going?"
"Can you just sit back and relax?"
"Nick, you know me. You know I don't like surprises. So tell me."
"Emma... no. Look just turn on the radio or something."
"Fine..." Emma sat up and turned on the radio. She realized what song was playing and started humming to it.
"You like this?"
Emma turned away from Nick and looked out the window, still humming.
"You're gonna ignore me now?"
"Not talking to you."
"I said I'm not talking to you."
Nick couldn't help but smirk at Emma's stubborness. "And why's that?"
"Because you won't tell me when you're taking me."
Nick sighed. "Fine, I'll tell you."
"Really?!" She turned around, excitedly.
"Yes. But... under one condition."
"You sing that song you were just humming."
"You're funny." She rolled her eyes and looked back out the window
"Not doing it."
"Fine... then I won't tell you where we're going." Nick reached over and turned the volume up a bit more then glanced over at Emma.
"Niiiiiiick." She whined.
"Emmmmmmaaaaaaa." Nick mocked her and then laughed.
"Seriously? This song is stupid."
"Says the person who's humming it and tapping her feet to the beat?"
"I wasn't... humming... or tapping my foot!"
"Yeah cause I'm clearly seeing this. Imagining them, uhuh." Nick smirked.
"I'll only sing if you sing with me..."
"Then I'm not singing."
"I AM NOT. This song is stupid anyways." She said pushing Nick playfully.
"Yes, you are and it's not stupid." Nick said, sticking out his tongue.
"You're the one who won't sing with me."
"Fine, fine... okay. I'll sing with you..."
"Well the song is almost over." She laughed.
"Next one, I promise."
As they sat there in silence, they both started to think about how easily they can just talk to eachother and just have fun and let go. That's what they each loved about eachother. How they can just be themselves around eachother and not have any cares in the world.
"OOOH THIS ONE."
Nick recognized the song right away. It was one of his favorites and sure enough, it definitely reminded him of Emma and all the times they use to spend cruising in his car on his days off or when she use to spend time with him on tour.
Emma looked over to Nick with a smile on her face. "Go!" She said, in between her laugh.
Baby let's cruise
Away from heeeeere
Don't be confused
the way it's cleeear
They both started singing together on the chorus. Their voices came together like a perfect harmony.
And if you want it, you got it forever
This is not a one night stand, baby, yeah so
Let the music take your mind, oooh
Just release and you find
You're gonna fly awaaaaay
Glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruising together
The music is played for love
Cruising is made for love
I love it when we're cruising together
It was Nick's turn to sing by himself and Emma couldn't stop smiling from ear to ear. Nick glanced over at Emma and noticed her smiled.
Baby the night... belongs to us
Everything's right, do what you must
Emma joined him again.
And inch by inch we get closer and clooooser
To every little part of each other ooooh baby, yeah so
Let the music take your mind
Release and you will find
You're gonna fly away
Glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruising together
The music is played for love,
Cruising is made for love
I love it when we're cruising together
They couldn't stop smiling at eachother. She was the reason why this song was one of Nick's favorites. He just didn't tell Emma that.
Baby let's cruise
Let's glow, let's glide
Oooooh let's open up and go inside
And if you want it you got it foooorever
I can just stay there inside you
And love you baby
This part was perfect for Emma and Nick and they couldn't stop thinking back to the other night where they jump eachother and Nick spent most of the night making love to Emma.
Let the music, take your mind
Just release and you will find
You're gonna fly (away)
Yeaaaah I'm glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruising together
I love it, I love it, I love it
You're gonna fly away
Yeah, glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruising together
(The music is played for love)
It's love music
(Cruising is made for love)
And that was "Cruising Together" by....
Nick reached over and turned the volume down from the radio. He was about to say something until he heard Emma's voice. "Wow."
"That was... pefect." She whispered. "I loved it."
"Yeah, so did I. We sound good together."
"That we do." She said, smiling and looking over to Nick.
"You have an amazing voice babe."
"Well... you're not so bad yourself there."
They both laughed. "It's my favorite song."
"It..." Nick sighed. "I played it alot... when we weren't together... it reminded me of you..."
Emma was shocked to hear this. "Really?"
"Yeah. It reminded me of when we use to just go riding in my car to places we had no idea we were going."
"No... see, this time is different."
"Because I already knew where to take you..." Nick whispered. He reached over and turned off the ignition.
"We're here?" Emma didn't even notice that had arrived to their destination.
As Emma looked out of the window to see where they were, she couldn't help but notice where they were.
Nick's beach house.
I couldn't take my eyes off the house. This was the place where we had shared so many memories all those years ago... before everything went downhill. I slowly turned to Nick who was smiling at me from ear to ear.
"Why are we here?" I simply asked. More like a whisper.
All Nick kept doing was smiling even more. "It's our happy place."
"It was once."
Nick sighed and looked away. "Don't do this Emma."
"Don't do what?"
"Don't ruin this."
"I'm not ruining it, Nick."
If I had known that this was where he was planning to take me, I would've said no. It's not that I didn't want to spend this time with Nick. I just didn't want to bring up the past with him anymore. I didn't want to rehash anything. Our past was our past, but there were a few things that were still lingering on my mind though.
Would we be able to move on and continue living our lives this way? Would I be able to trust him again? Would he be able to trust me again? Why was he holding the ring for so long? I had so many questions that I really wanted answers to so maybe this was the perfect oppertunity to ask him all these questions.
I sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry. Let's go in."
Nick smiled again and got out of the car. I just sat there for a few minutes until he came over and opened the door. "After you."
"Such a gentleman, Carter. Thank you." I smiled politely at him.
As I stepped out of the car, I looked up at the house. It was still beautiful as I remembered it. I remembered the very first vacation we took here. How we spent most of our days on the beach and nights locked away in our room.
"I love you." She whispered while laying on Nick's chest, listening to his breathing and the rhythm of his heart beat.
He laughed softly. "I love you too."
They were quiet for a few minutes, just laying in bed together, cuddling. Emma looked up at Nick and saw him staring up at the ceiling. "Penny for your thoughts Carter?"
He looked down at her and smiled. "Marry me. One this beach. Let's get married."
She smiled big. "What? Really?"
"Really? Are you sure?"
"Like 100 percent that getting married right here, on this beach is exactly what you want to do?"
"I'm actually 2000 percent sure that's exactly what I want to do."
He laughed. "YES. Are you sure you even WANT to marry me?"
"Yes. A million times yes!"
"Then let's do it."
She sat up on her knees, facing him. "Nick, if we do this, we'll need to call our families, our friends, get wedding invitations, a wedding planner... everything. We can't just... get married out of the blue."
"Yes we can."
"No. No we can't."
"That's the traditional way, Em. Let's do it Nick and Emma's way." He smiled at her.
"You're crazy but I love you." She straddled his lap.
"And I love you." He leaned forward and grabbed Emma by the hips and kissed her, deeply.
"Mmmmm... wait..." She pushed him away.
"If we're going to do this, I need something..." She put her hand up and pointed at her wedding finger.
He smiled at her then grabbed her and kissed her deeply again. "I will... after I ravage my fiance."
"What are you thinking?"
Nick's voice broke her thoughts and she realized they were in the present.
"Yes you were. I know the look at on your face when you're thinking about something."
"It's nothing. I was just thinking about how lovely all of this is."
We were now sitting in his back porch, surrounded by candlelights, dinner and the sound of the waves in the background, hitting the shores of the beach.
I looked up at him. "For what, exactly?"
"Giving me a second chance."
"And who says I've given you a second chance?"
He laughed. "You're here, right? Plus, if I remember correctly, we did get into a little something a few days ago."
More like you got into me. "Sex, Nick. We had sex."
"Right." He smiled at her and then took a sip of his wine.
"So what happend back there?"
"Roomate is being a bitch. Told her to pack her shit. So by tomorrow I should have a free place."
"And you're happy about that?"
"She was talking about you..."
"She was talking... about you."
"In what way?"
"She was just telling me to get over you. How you're just going to do the same thing like you did over and over again. How I shouldn't trust you. That all you want is just a easily fuck."
"Why didn't you?"
"Get over me."
"I told you, Nick. I tried. It's just hard when you have history with someone like I do with you."
"I tried too."
She sighed and pushed her plate away. "I know you did but I forgive you. I know you read the letter. I said everything in there."
"I know. I forgive you too. For keep everything from me."
"I just wish things were different."
She looked up at him and then out at the beach when she felt the cold breeze. "Do you remember..."
He looked towards the direction she was and nodded. "Yeah."
"You made a promise that night."
"Why didn't you keep it?"
"Things got in the way, Emma. We were young. I had alot going for me and so did you... but I was going to."
"I already had it. The night when I asked you and you told me you needed a ring to make it official... I already had it."
She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry I ruined everything."
Nick turned to look at her and noticed she was crying. He stood up and walked over to her. "Emma..."
She stood up as a well and walked over to the other side, Nick following her. "Can things be different?"
"Of course they can. We just need to move forward. Our past is our past, Em. Things happened for a reason. Us meeting again happened for a reason."
"I know it did."
"So just let it be. We're older now. We've been through a lot in our life. We've learned things, we've hurt, we've lost."
She sighed and wiped her tears. "I miss her..."
"As odd as this is going to sound, I miss her too."
"Not odd. You're her father."
"THAT sounds weird." He smiled and then laughed.
She looked over to him. "Never imagined yourself with kids, huh Carter?"
"Not at all but... I would have loved her like no other."
"Sorry you didn't get that chance."
"I understand why you did it. Who says we won't be able to have that chance again though?"
We were silent again for a few minutes. I never really imagined I would be standing here talking to Nick about our past. About everything that happend and possibly... our future. Before I could say anything else, he was the first one to break the silence.
"Want to go inside? It looks like it's about to storm."
"Why is it that everytime we're together, it's always raining or about to rain?"
Nick laughed at her randomness. "Not sure why that is."
"Maybe it wants us to have sex everytime it rains. Or wants us to have sex in it."
"We never did try that." She said, while looking over to him.
"Sex. In the rain."
He laughed, loudly. "You're crazy."
"What? Oh please, don't act like such a prude Nickolas. What haven't YOU done?"
"A lot of things."
"I don't believe that for a second."
"So you think I just go around performing all types of sexual acts on women?"
"Guilty conscience?" She smirked.
"What? No!" He smiled and then laughed at her. "Don't do that."
"Smirk at me."
"And why not?" She did it again.
"Because then... I would have to do this..." Nick moved closer to her, grabbed her arms and kissed her. The sudden motion made her unsteady, so she clung to his shoulders as his hands moved down to caress her ribs and cup her ass, pulling her close. At the same time, Emma heard a rumble and then saw a flash of ligtening. He was right. It definitely was about to storm.
"Nick..." She whispered.
"I'm sorry." He let her go and then backed away.
Emma swallowed her disappointment. "No, it's... it's okay."
"I shouldn't have done that."
"Nick, it's fine."
He sighed, ran his fingers through his hair and then turned back to Emma. "No, you know what? I'm not sorry."
Emma jumped at Nick's sudden outburst. "I said it was fine."
"I'm not going to pretend anymore. I'm not going to pretend that I don't want you. Cause I do. Everyday. I try so hard not to think of you in that way because I don't want to you to think that I'm just using you but... FUCK!"
As he yelled, thunder and lightening roar again. Emma looked up at the sky when she felt heavy drops of rain and then back at Nick. With the rain pouring down hard now, all Emma could see was how Nick's white shirt was clinging to his body and his hair wet. She licked her lips.
"What are you waiting for then Carter?"
Before she could even realize it, Nick grabbed her again and kissed her more passionately this time then went lower, nibbling on her ears and licking at her neck. She gasped and moaned his name. He continued his assault on her neck and pulled the straps from her shoulders, cupping her breast with one hand as he nuzzled her nipples, one after the other.
"Is this what you want?"
"Yes, fuck yes."
He pulled her dress down and suckled her nipples roughly. Emma groaned and arched her back, raising her nipples into his face, inviting him to take more. He then pulled her suit down over her hips. He turned briefly as he shook the towel out and spread it on the ground, then he turned back and lowered her onto it. He hands and mouth were everywhere and then continued his way down her body. He brushed past her mound and stopped at the tops of her thighs. Feeling Emma squirming underneath him, he bit her skim gently, flicking his tongue in circles. He then looked up at her and noticed she was looking down at him.
"You want to feel this tongue somewhere else, don't you?"
"Oh god... yes, please." She moaned while grabbed a chunk of Nick's hair, pulling him towards her waiting sex. Nick noticed how wet she was. "Damn baby, you're so wet I can just almost taste you." He then started to close the gap, inch by inch, with his tongue sticking out. Feeling Nick's tongue right on her, Emma jumped as the tip of his tongue touched her clit. Nick began using longer storkes as he worked his way around her wet pussy, waiting to taste everything.
"Mmmmm." Emma felt Nick's voice vibrating against her clit. She grabbed his hair even tighter. "Fuck me Nick." He gripped around her thighs as he licked her harder and faster, plunging his tongue into her pussy. Emma starting grinding herself against Nick's face. "Harder baby..."
Nick continued his assault on her pussy, licking up all her juices and fucking her with his tongue the way she always loved. He mumbled against her while sucking on her clit.
"You like this baby?"
"Yes. Yes... yes."
Nick felt Emma lift up as he slide two fingers inside of her. She was so tight and wet as he plunged them deep into her, sliding back and forth while continuing to suck on her clit. "Come for me baby..."
"OH FUCK. Nick... I'm gonna..."
Nick smiled against her pussy as she started bucking up harder. He felt like he was in a damn rodeo and he was the winning champion. She thrust her pussy hard against his hand, tossing her head from side to side, moaning and screaming Nick's name. She grabbed his hair once again, pushing his face deeper into her pussy. He lapped up her juices with his tongue and fucked her wit hhis fingers as hard and as fast he can. "Come on baby..." He mumbled.
"OOOOH!" She screamed as she felt Nick's voice vibrating once again on her clit.
Nick started to feel Emma contract around him. He then changed his position from fucking her hard with his fingers to a fish type motion, stroking his fingers up and down to rub against her G-Spot and hummed against clit as Emma screamed out.
"Oh my god... Fuuuuuuuuck Niiiiiiiiiick!"
"That's it baby... cum for me."
Nick felt Emma's whole body shake around him as she let go and started riding her orgasm.
She screamed. "Oooooh fuuuuuck."
Nick lapped up her juices and slowly continued to stroke Emma's clit with his tongue. Once he was finished, he kissed his way up her body and then kissed her again deeply.
"We're completely soaked. Let's get inside."
Before she could say anything, Nick picked her up and threw her over this shoulders. Emma let out a girlish scream. He then slapped her ass hard.
"You don't play fair Carter!"
Nick made this way into the house and headed straight towards the laundry room. Once there, he sat Emma down right on the washing machine.
"Laundry room? Really? How original Carter." She smirked.
"Again with the smirking."
"Wanna do something about it then?"
"Oh, trust me, I am. Turn around."
"Demanding, aren't we?"
"Yes. Now turn around."
Emma did as she was told. Nick then made his way to her and slowly caressed her back, while whispering in here ear. "You should have never teased me like that..."
"And what are you going to do about that?"
"Mmmmm..." Emma moaned and she bent over. She was already naked and ready for Nick. He held her firmly in place against the machine as he slowly started teasing her with his head against her slit, slowly, back and forth and a few more times. Emma moaned again and whispered Nick's name. He chucked as he was the one that was still in control. He slipped his head slowly into her wet hole and this time Emma couldn't help but moan out loud. He went in further and further, teased her for a bit and then pulled out slowly, holding her hips in place. He repeated this motion over and over again until Emma was begging.
"Please, Nick." She moaned. "Just fuck me."
Nick laughed again and continued to rub his head against her slit again until he pushed himself deeper into her and started to tease her with his thrusts, in and out until her hips were bucking under him. Emma could feel the vibration of the machine vibrating under her as it was adding intensity to the orgasm that she was holding inside. She then heard Nick moaning behind her as his thrust became longer and harder. She gasped at the intense fullness she felt and her pussy tightened around him as he moaned again.
"Fuck baby, you feel so... good..." He moaned again and continued thrusting hard and fast into her pussy.
"Oh fuck Nick... I'm about to... oh god." Nick continued pounding Emma from behind, holding her hips and then smacking her ass hard.
"Come on baby... Cum."
"Oh god..." He felt her pussy tightening around him. "YES!"
"That's my girl... come on baby. Good girl. This is what you wanted?"
"Oh god YES."
He then grabbed her ponytail and pulled on it hard, making Emma screamed while pounding her ass hard. "Oh shit... Oh shit..."
The whole dryer became to rock back and forth but neither of them cared at that point. Nick could feel himself getting close as he felt Emma continuing to tighten around him some more as she screamed and let out her own orgasm. Almost at the same time, Nick let out a gasping shout as he digged his fingernials into Emma's hips and jerked his hips into hers so hard that all she felt was the sensation of being filled with Nick's cum. He then collapsed on top of her and kissed her shoulder.
"Oh my god..."
"That was fucking hot baby." Nick stood up.
"Yeah, it was. Where did all that come from?"
"You bring it out of me." He laughed. "Bed?"
"I don't think I could go anymore, Carter."
"Let's just sleep." He smiled at her.
Emma got on her tiptoes and kissed Nick.
"Fine, let's go to bed."
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.