With You by BeTheStage
Summary:


Everyone has secrets, but can Emma ever trust again to share her life with anyone? A certain Backstreet Boy thinks so.


Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters: AJ, Nick
Genres: Drama, Humor, Romance
Warnings: Death, Domestic Violence, Violence
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 45 Completed: No Word count: 38873 Read: 62538 Published: 06/29/11 Updated: 03/02/12

1. Chapter 1 by BeTheStage

2. Chapter 2 by BeTheStage

3. Chapter 3 by BeTheStage

4. Chapter 4 by BeTheStage

5. Chapter 5 by BeTheStage

6. Chapter 6 by BeTheStage

7. Chapter 7 by BeTheStage

8. Chapter 8 by BeTheStage

9. Chapter 9 by BeTheStage

10. Chapter 10 by BeTheStage

11. Chapter 11 by BeTheStage

12. Chapter 12 by BeTheStage

13. Chapter 13 by BeTheStage

14. Chapter 14 by BeTheStage

15. Chapter 15 by BeTheStage

16. Chapter 16 by BeTheStage

17. Chapter 17 by BeTheStage

18. Chapter 18 by BeTheStage

19. Chapter 19 by BeTheStage

20. Chapter 20 by BeTheStage

21. Chapter 21 by BeTheStage

22. Chapter 22 by BeTheStage

23. Chapter 23 by BeTheStage

24. Chapter 24 by BeTheStage

25. Chapter 25 by BeTheStage

26. Chapter 26 by BeTheStage

27. Chapter 27 by BeTheStage

28. Chapter 28 by BeTheStage

29. Chapter 29 by BeTheStage

30. Chapter 30 by BeTheStage

31. Chapter 31 by BeTheStage

32. Chapter 32 by BeTheStage

33. Chapter 33 by BeTheStage

34. Chapter 34 by BeTheStage

35. Chapter 35 by BeTheStage

36. Chapter 36 by BeTheStage

37. Chapter 37 by BeTheStage

38. Chapter 38 by BeTheStage

39. Chapter 39 by BeTheStage

40. Chapter 40 by BeTheStage

41. Chapter 41 by BeTheStage

42. Chapter 42 by BeTheStage

43. Chapter 43 by BeTheStage

44. Chapter 44 by BeTheStage

45. Chapter 45 by BeTheStage

Chapter 1 by BeTheStage

1

Emma Brighton left her life behind. She'd cleaned out her bank accounts, sublet her apartment, sold her car and packed up and left in the middle of the night. Her life had become too full of pain for her to deal with after what everyone referred to as "The Accident." Everything that had mattered before The Accident didn't matter any longer after it. Her whole life had been twisted turned and thrown upside down, and it didn't matter what she or anyone else did to try and make it "better," nothing worked. She'd finally given up on her pre Accident life, and left it all behind.

With no idea what she was going to do, and not much care about what happened to her, she set off to get as far away from her past as possible. In doing so, she somehow ended up meeting a man called Skinner who played the drums for a well-known music group. He treated her like shit most of the time, but he gave her a place to sleep and because of him she won a gig selling tee shirts on each stop of the band's tour around the country. It wasn't exactly what she went to school for, but it paid her enough to keep her stomach full, she got to meet some fairly interesting people in the process, and she stayed in a new city almost every night. It was the perfect situation to keep her mind off of the demons of her past, at least most of the time.

As the eve of the one-year mark since she'd left home came upon her, she naturally took time to reflect despite the fact that she had no desire to do so. She and Skinner weren't a couple, but she often didn't know what they were. They weren't fuck buddies even though he'd suggested it many times without a shred of class. She didn't exactly want a relationship anyway, but sometimes she wondered why she let herself stick around with the guy. She figured that she probably stayed with him as another way to punish herself. Selling tee shirts turned out to be more fun than she thought it could ever be, and to balance out the fun factor, she stayed with Skinner for the pain. When he treated her like shit, she never fought back, she just told herself that she deserved it. She deserved it because after The Accident, she wouldn't allow herself to be happy, no matter what.

She found that in the year away from home she did a lot of things to punish herself. It became such a regular thing for her that after a while she did it without even having to think about it. Self-destruction took over and fed itself. First it was things like picking back up the habit of smoking after having quit years before, drinking a little more than she "should" if she felt like it, or casual sex with men who she never learned the names of. Other times it was something like not eating well enough, or at all. She sometimes went a few days before realizing that the reason she felt so shitty wasn't because she was depressed, it was because she hadn't eaten anything.

The night before her one-year anniversary of leaving home, her punishment was the cold. The concert tour had an extended stay in Chicago and although it wasn't quite winter yet, the trademark wind of the windy city was cold enough to make most people bundle up in thick coats. Emma left the hotel wearing a dress that would have easily been appropriate for that time of year back home in the warm climate of the southern U.S., but in Chicago certainly called for a coat. She didn't care though, the wind blowing over her skin making it numb was comforting in a way. Thinking of her cold skin meant that she didn't have to think about anything else.

Skinner had been tied up doing an interview of some sort and asked her to meet him on the bridge near their hotel. From there they'd go to dinner before meeting up with the rest of the band for a night of celebrating the fact that they had a night off from touring. He had no idea that it was Emma's birthday that night, no one on the tour did.

While standing on the bridge waiting for Skinner, Emma looked down at the murky water of the river below her. Every so often people would walk past her and a few times she heard people mention to one another, and sometimes directly to her, that she needed to have a coat on. She tuned them out and focused on watching the light fade from the city as she waited for Skinner. Try as she might, she couldn't help but think about the fact that it was her birthday. Exactly a year before that night she'd still been back home and it was on her birthday that she finally broke. She'd been considering leaving and not looking back, she'd sold her little red VW Bug and put all of her money in an account that she could access no matter where in the country she ended up but she hadn't completely talked herself into leaving until the night of her birthday. When she sat in her empty apartment in tears instead of celebrating it with a huge group of people like she had just about every other year of her life, she knew that she was ready. The next morning she closed up everything, and left clear instructions with her lawyer detailing under what circumstances he was to contact her, and she disappeared.

Now, she was standing on a bridge in Chicago, thousands of miles away from home, freezing cold, and it was beginning to rain.

Happy Birthday, Emma.

Chapter 2 by BeTheStage

2

I loved nights off, but I hated when on our nights off we were required by management to go out together. It wasn't like I hated my band mates or anything like that, but sometimes I just wanted to get away from them. Day in and day out we traveled together, performed together, and practically pissed together… every now and then I needed time to myself. We were in Chicago though, and Chicago meant going out to a club, as a group because going out as a group meant publicity. Like we needed the god damn extra publicity. We were already all over the news.

"Positive publicity, AJ…" That's what they told me when I complained about wanting time alone on nights off. Going out as a group was considered positive publicity and management thought we needed more of it. It wasn't enough that after I spent a few years getting on and falling off the wagon that I was clean, for real. It wasn't enough that in the middle of making successful solo careers for ourselves we got back together to do "one more album" to send Backstreet off with a bang instead of the painful thud that the Black & Blue tour seemed to give off. And it certainly wasn't enough that we were kicking ass on the charts like we did with Millennium, we still "needed" that positive publicity.

So we went out. We had dinner as a group, and then went to a club as a group. Sitting in VIP with fans everywhere trying to do everything they could do to get past security just for a glimpse of us, and most if not all of us wishing that we were back in our respective hotel rooms getting some extra sleep or doing anything other than sitting in that club. We were bored out of our minds, but getting all sort of positive publicity.

I yawned and leaned in toward Nick who also happened to be yawning, "How much longer before we can jet? This place is lame. I could be in my room watching Trading Spaces or something…"

Nick laughed at me, "Dude, you so need to lay off the Trading Spaces thing. I can't believe that you of all people are complaining about being in a club full of beautiful women because you want to go back to the hotel and watch some damn home decorating show."

I shrugged and finished my soda then lit up a cigarette, "I'm bored with clubs. Plus, they're doing a marathon tonight of the episodes where the people hated the rooms. Those are funny."

Shaking his head Nick smiled and patted my knee, "I don't know about you sometimes, man. But I love ya'. I'm goin' to dance. Get out of here if you're bored. I'll cover for you, tell them you feel like shit or something."  I watched Nick stand up and finish the rest of his drink before smiling down at me, "Have fun watching your little show…"

"Blow me…" I laughed and flipped him off.

"No thanks, but I bet you that there are about twenty girls down on the main floor who would."

"Just twenty?" I joked.

"Yeah, the rest are here for me…" he said with a smirk. "I may still be the youngest, but I'm not a kid anymore. Later…"

"Yeah, later…" I said shaking my head at him with a smile. I watched the crowd for a while and finally when I'd yawned about six times in a row and finished my cigarette, I decided to call it quits. "Fuck it… Trading Spaces and room service have got to be better than this."

Chapter 3 by BeTheStage

3

When the cold and the rain finally got to her, Emma pulled out the cell phone that Skinner had given to her and she began to walk. She dialed his number and while waiting for him to pick up wondered how long it would take for her to get sick from being underdressed in this weather. "What?"

"Where are you?" Emma sighed into the phone at the sound of Skinner’s voice.

"I’m at the club, where the hell are you?"

"Skin, you said you’d pick me up… told me to wait on the bridge down by the Wrigley Building and you’d pick me up on the way from the interview to the club."

"Oh yeah…" he said and laughed. "I forgot."

"Thanks…"

"Hey, I’m a busy guy okay? They had us do six different interviews this afternoon, it slipped my mind. Just get in a cab and come over here."

"Were you even concerned about me, Skinner? Did it even pop into your head for just a split second to wonder where I was?"

"You’re a big girl, Em… I figured that wherever you were you were fine."

"Yeah, I’m just peachy… Standing out in the cold, soaked through with rain, walking through a city I’ve never been in. I’m great."

Skinner sighed, "Get in a damn cab…"

"There aren’t any fucking cabs around right now!" Emma yelled not realizing how upset she was until she yelled at him.

"What the fuck is your deal? You’re yelling at me now? Jesus… I made a mistake Emma. So sue me! Did I tell you to stand in the rain like an idiot? Do what you want… get a cab and come over here, or don’t. But I’m not going to sit here in the middle of a club getting into a screaming match with you…"

The line went dead before she could say anything else and she thought about hurling the small silver phone into the river, but then thought better of it. Instead she slid it back into her small purse and began walking back to the hotel that they were staying at, the cold raindrops hiding the warm tears that were sliding down her face.

By the time Emma reached the lobby of the hotel she was a mess. Soaked through with rain, frozen solid by the wind, and her eyes were swollen from the combination of the two. She ignored the looks that were sent her way as she walked through the lobby to the elevators and wondered how long it would take her to get warm again once she was back to the room.

Relieved to get an elevator all to herself she pushed the number for the floor they were staying on and leaned against the wall of the small moving room. She closed her eyes and thought about her life and what she’d become in a year. Before she let her mind wander to the things that she knew she didn’t want to think about, the doors of the elevator opened up to her floor. She imagined the warmth of a hot shower and her favorite pair of pajamas and decided that she would order up the biggest decadent Godiva Hot Chocolate that room service would deliver, it was her birthday after all.

She reached the door of the room that she and Skinner were sharing and noticed her fingers were slightly numb as she fumbled about in her purse trying to find her plastic room key. It wasn’t until she’d dumped the contents of her purse on the floor that she let herself fully understand that her key to the room was not in her purse.

"Shit… shit… shit…" she looked through the mess on the floor again hoping that maybe the cold had affected her eyes and she’d just overlooked the key. "Fuck…" She sat down on the floor to pick up her things, her legs too cold and weak to hold her upright much longer.

She noticed two sets of feet walk past her when she was filling up her purse but didn’t bother to look up. After her purse was back together she leaned her head against the door and dialed Skinner’s cell phone again. It rang until the voice mail picked up and she let out a frustrated sigh as she closed her eyes and waited to leave a message. "Skin, it’s Emma… I’m back at the hotel but I must have lost my key or left it in the room and I don't have my ID with me that proves I'm with the tour so no one is going to give me another key. If you get this message any time soon will you please call me? Or send someone over with your key? I’m soaked through and freezing…" She paused for a second and sighed again, "Anyway… call me, please? Bye…"

Chapter 4 by BeTheStage

4

I walked past a girl who looked like the drowned rat version of someone I may have known, but kept walking along with my long-time bodyguard and friend Marcus to my room. As I stood in the hall waiting for him to check my room for stow away fans I heard the wet woman on her cell phone. She was locked out of her room, and I could have sworn she’d mentioned our drummer’s name. She looked damn cold. I was cold enough as it was fully clothed from dashing from the car to the hotel, but she was soaked with rain and had to be freezing her ass off.

When Marcus came out of my room and told me that it was clear I whispered to him, "Do you know that chick?"

He looked down the hall to the girl who was now sitting with her eyes closed and her head resting against the door. I could see her shivering and it made me cold just watching her. "I think that’s the chick who is always with Skinner… Her name is Emily or something."

"Oh yeah…" I said quietly looking down the hall at her. She was just a room away from mine. I vaguely remembered meeting the girl once or twice before, and I knew she traveled with us on the tour. What I didn’t know was whether or not she was with Skinner, or just with Skinner, not that it really mattered, but that’s where my head went.

"You need me anymore tonight?"

"Nah… I’m just going to go to sleep or watch television…" I said pulling my gaze away from the girl and focusing on Marcus again. "Thanks, man."

"No problem… just call me if you decide to go out again. There’s a lot of fans in the hotel tonight, and they’re roaming."

We said goodnight and I walked into my room and closed the door. As I took my coat off and threw it in a chair I decided that I needed to turn the heat up in the room and when I fiddled with the thermostat, I thought about the girl in the hall. I immediately turned around and opened the door propping it open with the dead bolt. I walked toward the girl and hoped that I wouldn’t scare her, seeing that her eyes were still closed. I cleared my throat rather loudly and she opened her eyes, "Hi…"

"Hey…" she said, her voice nearly as raspy as mine was, probably from the cold though, not from smoking like a chimney through rehab like I did.

"You’re Skinner’s friend right?"

She laughed a laugh that I couldn’t quite figure out but nodded, "That’s me… I think he introduced us once. But then again, he probably didn’t even tell you my name, his manners aren’t the greatest. I’m Emma…"

I nodded and smiled at her, "Hi… I’m, AJ…"

"Yeah I know…" she said with a tired smile.

"Yeah, I guess you would…" I said and nodded again. "I um… I overheard that you’re locked out, and couldn’t help but notice you’re soaked. Do you want to wait for Skinner in my room? I can give you something dry to wear and stuff…"

She looked at me without saying anything for a minute and then shook her head. It was almost like I could see her inner dialogue fighting over whether or not to accept my offer. "I don’t even know if he’s going to call me back… he’s sort of pissed off at me. I wouldn’t want to burden you by waiting for him and have him never show up."

"He’s gotta show up some time…" I said with a gentle smile. "He’s got a gig tomorrow night. Come on, you’re making me shiver just looking at you. At least come with me and get dried off, then if you want to hang out in the hall and wait for him you can do it without getting sick in the process."

Again, she looked at me for a moment before letting out this little sigh and nodding, "Okay…"

I smiled and reached my hand out to help her stand up. When her skin met mine, I nearly jumped back and let go, she was ice cold. I wondered what had happened to her that she ended up standing in the rain for so long. Once she was on her feet I smiled and let go of her hand, "Let’s get you warmed up…"

Chapter 5 by BeTheStage

5

I got Emma set up in the bedroom of my suite and then paced around the living room area smoking like a crazy person. I wasn’t real sure what it was about the situation that had me all worked up, but I couldn’t sit still. I told Emma to take a shower to try and warm up, and then I left her a bunch of the warmest clothes I could find in my bags on the bed for her. I turned the heat up in the room, again, and then ordered us both hot chocolate from room service.

I considered for a while calling Marcus and having him come over, but then decided that it was stupid. I knew who this girl was, even though I didn’t really know her. It wasn’t like I expected her to go kung fu on me and come running out of the bathroom to attack me. The poor thing could barely move she was so cold, she wasn’t going to assault me.

So, I smoked. I walked around pacing and smoking while trying to figure out what the hell I was going to talk to Emma about when she came out of the bedroom and joined me again.

She took a long shower, which I worried about momentarily wondering if she’d passed out or something. Yeah, I tend to over-think things sometimes, I’m working on it. But I eventually heard the water turn off and could tell that she was moving around in the room. She also blew dry her hair, which I would have suggested she do if she hadn’t done it on her own. Then finally she came out of the room.

"Hey…" I said with a smile. She smiled slightly and nodded her head. I looked at my cigarette in my hand, "I’ve been smoking like mad out here, if it bothers you I can like, fan the smoke out of the window or something…"

That got a stronger smile out of her and she shook her head, "It’s okay, but can I bum one from you? Mine are a little wet…"

"Oh hell yeah…" I laughed and pulled a cigarette out of the pack on the table for her. I then whipped out my lighter and, as a true gentleman does, held the flame up for her to light her cigarette with.

"Thank you…" she said softly and took a long drag.

"No problem… How are ya feeling? Any warmer?"

She nodded, "A little yeah… I’m not shivering as much anymore. Thank you, again… You didn’t have to do this."

"It’s cool, I wouldn’t have wanted to be sitting in here all warm while you were in the hall freezing… that’s not cool." I smiled at her and looked her over. She was a beautiful thing. I couldn’t tell how old she was, but I figured her to be somewhere around my age. Her hair was a medium brown, just a little lighter than my natural color and was cut in a short-ish sort of style. Kind of shaggy and spiked, but sort of not... I may not have been able to describe it, but I liked it. And her eyes were green, that real intense green like Kevin’s eyes. She was gorgeous.

The knock on the door startled us both and I laughed at how we’d both jumped. "That’s probably room service. I ordered up some hot chocolate for us. I wasn’t sure if you liked coffee, but everyone likes hot chocolate right? And they use Godiva here, so it’s damn good."
Chapter 6 by BeTheStage

6

Emma watched AJ as he opened the door and dealt with the young man who brought in a rolling tray with hot chocolate on it. They exchanged a little small talk and then AJ gave the man a tip and said good night. Emma looked at AJ until he laughed nervously and smiled at her, "What?"

"How much did you tip him?"

"Uh, I don’t know… probably twenty? I just pulled out what I had."

"You tipped him twenty dollars to bring up two mugs of hot chocolate that probably cost about five bucks a piece. That’s a 200 percent tip and he didn’t even make it for us."

"Huh…" AJ said and thought about it for a moment. He then shrugged and smiled, "That’s okay… he’ll give me great service any other time that he’s sent up here now. So, that’s cool. I can trust that he won’t spit in my food or anything worse…"

Emma shook her head and smiled, "Okay, big spender."

AJ laughed and handed her a mug as he motioned toward the couch, "Stop mocking me and sit down or I’ll throw you back out in the hall…"

Emma couldn’t help but laugh at AJ and did as she was told. She sat down on the couch in front of the huge television in the equally huge suite and pulled her legs up underneath her body. She smelled the hot chocolate and smiled inwardly at the fact that she’d been thinking about ordering that same overly priced beverage and AJ had gone ahead and done it without even knowing.

She watched him for a while. He was a jittery person. She’d noticed that about him the first time she’d met him. Not overly jittery, or annoying, just that kind of jitter that makes someone bounce their knee when they’re sitting in a meeting or pick at the hem of their clothes to keep their fingers busy. AJ was flipping channels on the television, drinking his hot chocolate and bouncing his knee slightly. After a while he finally noticed her watching him and he smiled, "What?"

"Nothing… just thinking."

"How’s the cocoa?"

"Very good…" Emma said with a smile and a nod. "I appreciate it, you didn’t have to order anything."

"Yeah, yeah…" AJ laughed and finally put the remote down settling for the Cartoon Network. "You need to warm up from the inside as well. One time when I was a kid, I got stuck out in the rain after school. There was usually someone home when I got out of school cause my Ma and I lived with my grandparents. But this one day when it happened to be pouring, none of them were home and I forgot my key. So I sat on the front porch and got drenched for probably half an hour. Granted, we lived in Florida, but it was pretty cold rain…" He chuckled and took a drag of his cigarette before going on. "My mother threw a shit fit when she got home and saw me sitting there. She was bound and determined to take me to the emergency room to be checked for hypothermia, but my grandma talked her out of it. But I can remember my grandma putting me in a shower and telling me to start out with warm water and make it hotter as I warmed up. Then they bundled me up in about six layers of clothes and fed me soup and hot chocolate…" He stopped himself in mid thought and looked at Emma, "Soup… do you want soup? Cause I can order some…"

"No, I don’t need soup…" Emma said.

"You sure?"

"I’m sure…"

"Okay… so anyway, yeah… My mom and grandma made sure that I warmed up that day. In fact…" Emma watched him in confusion as he stopped in mid-sentence again and ran out of the room disappearing for a moment. Then he returned holding a blanket that he must have pulled off of his bed, "Blanket… here, wrap up in this, it’ll help."

"Thanks…"

"And I know…" he said with a huge smile, "’I didn’t have to…’ blah, blah, blah… I wanted to, got it?"

Emma smiled and nodded as AJ fussed with the blanket tucking it around her so that everything but the arm holding the mug and her head was under the blanket. "Got it…"
Chapter 7 by BeTheStage

7

After getting her to stop telling me that I didn’t have to do the shit I was doing for her, Emma and I wound up quietly watching cartoons together on the couch. As much as I loved watching those stupid Trading Spaces marathons, I thought that cartoons were a little cooler than watching Trading Spaces. Don’t ask why, but it’s just what I thought at the moment. Every so often we’d smoke, and I’m pretty sure that a few times she dozed off, but for the most part we watched cartoons together and stayed warm.

When Emma pulled her blanket open she smiled and let out a quiet laugh, "I think I’m actually hot…"

"Good!" I told her with a big smile and leaned my head back against the couch as I looked at her smile. "Can I ask you a weird question?"

"Sure…" she told me as she grabbed another of my cigarettes and lit it. "You can ask me whatever you want, I just have the option of not answering if I don’t feel like it…"

I nodded, "That’s cool… It’s not really a weird question, actually. Just sort of nosy…" I laughed at myself and she smiled before puffing on her cigarette.

"Go for it…"

"What’s up with you and Skinner? Are you guys like, together?"

"As in dating?" she asked.

"Yeah… I know you room with him and stuff, but… well…"

She smiled, "But you’ve seen him whoring around with groupies, right?"

I felt myself blush and I nodded, "Well yeah…"

She nodded, "It’s okay… We’re not a couple. I guess we’re just friends. Roommates maybe. I met him back in Florida at a bar where he was sitting in playing drums for some band. We started talking and ended up having dinner together that night and exchanged phone numbers. I never called him, but we ended up running into each other again about a week later. He knew that I was staying in a hotel at the time and he asked me if I wanted to stay with him. He has that big house and no one in it, so he offered me a room. The next thing I know, he’s getting ready to come on this tour and he asked me if I wanted a gig selling tee shirts and shit. I said sure, and here I am."

"How long did you know him before the tour began?" This was intriguing me, completely. I wanted to ask her about six hundred questions right then and there.

"About a month, maybe…"

"Wow… Did… Wait, you said that you were living in a hotel when you met him? What’s up with that?"

She paused and I could tell she was trying to decide whether or not to answer the question, but eventually started talking again, "I had only been in Florida for a few weeks when I met him. I was living in a hotel because I wasn’t sure if I was going to stay there or not. It was easy to find work there with all of the tourist attractions and shit, but I didn’t know if I liked it enough to live there."

"Where are you from?" I couldn’t stop asking her questions. Yes, I was being nosy, but she was interesting.

"A galaxy far, far away…"

Point taken. "How come you moved?"

"Just felt like it…" she said with a shrug and put out the cigarette in the ashtray that we’d put on the couch between us. I could tell right then that she wasn’t going to let me go any further with the questions about where she was from. Something about the way she shrugged and the tone of her voice told me not to press on, just yet. Point taken, again.

I watched her until she looked at me again and then I smiled, "Don’t take this the wrong way, but I can’t believe that Skinner hasn’t tried to hook up with you. He’s a dirty man. Great drummer, but a dirty man, and well… you sorta fit the mold for the type of girl he usually goes after."

She smiled again, "I didn’t say he hasn’t tried. But I told him flat out that if I was going to come on this tour, I wasn’t going to be some groupie for him. We don’t share a bed, there’s always two beds in our hotel rooms, and if he decides to get his freak on with some groupie, he gets another room."

I laughed at that. Skinner having to get a second room in order to fuck some groupie struck me as seriously funny for some reason and I cracked up. "He must like you… he wouldn’t do that for many people."

She shrugged, "He tolerates me. We get along for some reason, so it works most of the time."

"That’s cool… I didn’t realize you were selling shirts. I just thought you were sort of tagging along… no offense."

"None taken. Oh yeah, I sell shirts and magnets and all sorts of shit with your face on it every night. It’s certainly an interesting experience."

"Are you mocking me again?"

"Oh no…" she said and then laughed and wrapped back up in the blanket. She was curled up and sitting sideway facing me with her cheek resting on the couch. "Sometimes, if I get a booth close to a walkway I can hear some of the music over the screaming…"

"It gets a little loud in there…"

"Yeah, I’ve started to worry about your hearing, seriously."

"Oh I’m sure it’s fucked up after having to endure so much screaming over the years… But, I guess it’s worth it. So, were you a fan at all before all of this?"

"I dunno… I knew who you were, and knew some of the songs. I remember back when Millennium was out and you guys were all over the place. I was in college then and all of the girls in my dorm were nuts over you."

She’d gone to college but was selling tee shirts on my tour and was rooming with Skinner? Weird.

"That’s cool… so, have we grown on you at all?"

"Sure…" she said with a smile. "I’m usually around for the sound checks in the afternoon. I tag along with Skin and listen in. It’s much easier to hear you guys sing when there aren’t several thousand screaming women around."

"True…" I chuckled.

"I’m more a fan of good music rather than a fan of certain groups or a certain genre of music. You guys definitely have talent, so I appreciate that."

"Thank you…" I told her, she smiled and nodded. "I’ll have to look for you at sound checks now… where are you usually at?"

"About half way back on the floor… Sometimes I help out the guys who run around to see how the sound is at different points of the venue. But usually I just sit down in the middle somewhere and they’ll say to me, ‘How’s it sound there, Em?’ and I give them a thumbs up or down."

"You’re a very interesting person…" I blurted it out. Blurting was another thing I was working on.

She made a face at me and chuckled, "Not really…"

"No, seriously… Everything from rooming with Skinner to selling tee shirts to helping out with sound checks… you’re just, interesting. I have this overwhelming urge to ask you questions all night long so that I can know everything about you."

"You don’t want to know everything about me…" Her tone of voice changed again. It was softer, sad.

"Yeah I do…" And I did. I wanted to know the ins and outs of this girl. I had no idea why, but I did. I was a big believer of fate and how it brought people together for reasons that weren’t always clear at first. She shook her head and looked at the random cartoon on the television that was serving as background noise for us. "How about we start with just a few things instead of everything? We’ll build our way up to everything. We’ve got, what… four more months of touring? That’s a lot of time to get to know each other…"

"You planning on stealing me from Skinner?" she asked with a smirk in my direction.

I nodded "I’m thinking so…"

Chapter 8 by BeTheStage

8

Emma looked at AJ and wondered what it was that made him decide to be so nice to her. She’d been around Skinner for months, and although he’d done a lot for her while they’d known each other, he never would have bought her hot chocolate and wrapped her up in a blanket when she was freezing cold. He may have thrown a blanket into her lap, but that was about it.

AJ on the other hand was polite. From helping her up off of the hallway floor to lighting her cigarette, he was just polite. Even when he was drilling her with questions and verging on going too far with his prying into her life, he was gentle about it. What shocked her the most about the whole evening was that for the first time in over a year, she was letting someone be nice to her. She was well aware that this man was being nice to her and maybe even flirting with her, and yet she was allowing AJ to be sweet and take care of her even though it was against everything she’d known since she’d decided to leave home. Something about AJ was soothing, but not fake. She’d had her fair share of fake empathy in the time before she’d left home and definitely didn’t want any more of that. What she did want though, was beginning to seem fuzzy all of a sudden.

"I can’t promise you everything…" she told AJ. Skinner barely knew anything about her and she’d lived with him for half a year. She couldn’t imagine opening up and telling AJ or anyone else for that matter "everything."

"I’ll settle for half…" AJ said with a smile.

"I don’t know if I can promise half either…" she said truthfully. There was a comfort in knowing that the people who were around her didn’t know anything about her past. They knew just enough about her to be friendly and have casual conversations, and that was plenty for her. She wasn’t sure if she’d let herself tell AJ things about herself even if she wanted to.

"Let’s start out easy… what’s your favorite color?"

Emma smiled, "Blue…"

"Cool… now, how about your favorite song?"

"Angel Eyes, by Jeff Healey…"

"Nice…" AJ said and smiled. "I love that song. See how easy this is? Now, how about your birthday?"

"What about it?"

"When is it?" AJ chuckled. "And stop trying to be so difficult…"

Emma smiled, "I’m not trying to be difficult, I am difficult."

"When is your birthday, woman?"

"October 23rd…"

"Cool… Mine is January… hold up, October 23rd?"

"Yup…"

AJ looked at his watch to check the date and then back to Emma, "Isn’t today October 23rd?"

"Yup…"

"It’s your birthday and you’re spending it here with me watching lame cartoons after having been drenched in the rain?"

"Yeah, but I got Godiva Hot Cocoa, and I’m not cold anymore. Plus, I like cartoons, even the lame ones."

"Me too… but come on, you should be partying… Celebrating you know?"

Emma shook her head, "I don’t celebrate birthdays anymore… It’s just another day, really."

"No it’s not. It’s a day to celebrate yourself, your life."

Emma kept quiet, she wanted to say that she didn’t want to celebrate her life, but she knew that would open a can of worms that she didn’t need to open. "Yeah…"

"Did you and Skinner have plans tonight?"

"Sort of… not really. I was supposed to go to that club with everyone tonight."

"But?"

"But… Skinner conveniently forgot about me. He was supposed to meet me on the bridge by the Wrigley Building, but he never showed up."

"And you ended up standing in the rain…" AJ said finishing for Emma.

"Exactly…"

"Why the hell didn’t he send the car over for you?"

Emma rolled her eyes and lit up another cigarette. "Well first of all he forgot about me. But then when I called him from the bridge he told me to find a cab."

"You’re kidding me… He knew you were out in the rain and he didn’t send a car?"

"This is Skinner we’re talking about, AJ. He’s not exactly the most chivalrous person in the world."

AJ shook his head and let out a sigh, "But it’s your birthday…"

"He doesn’t know that…" Emma said softly.

"Why not?"

"I told you, I don’t celebrate birthdays…" AJ watched Emma as she finished off her cigarette and he shook his head again before reaching for the phone. "What are you doing?" Emma asked him.

"I’m changing your tradition…" he said and then began talking into the phone, "Yeah, this is Room 1509, I need cake, and a candle, right away…"
Chapter 9 by BeTheStage

9

“AJ, don’t order cake…” Emma told me in something very close to a whine. I ignored her and kept talking to the woman on the other end of the phone line.

“Well it’s for a birthday, but it doesn’t have to be an actual birthday cake… Hell, I don’t even care if it’s a whole cake. One slice would do. But it has to be good, and I need a candle.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure that we have chocolate cake on the menu tonight, sir. I can send up a piece of that. The candle might be harder to find, but I think there must be one around here somewhere.”

“That’s cool…” I said with a smile. “I appreciate all of your help…”

“I’ll have it sent up soon, sir. Is there anything else?”

“Nope, that’s it… thank you…” I hung up the phone and looked at Emma who looked like she was verging somewhere between wanting to smile, and wanting to yell at me. “Too late, I already did it. I’m sorry, but you just can’t spend your birthday like this. Not when you’re hanging out with me at least.” I half expected her to get up and tell me that she wasn’t going to hang out with me then, but she didn’t. “Are you giving me the silent treatment now?” She didn’t answer but I caught sight of her mouth curving into a slight smile before she forced it away and looked at the television again. “You can give me the silent treatment, it’s cool… I’m a stubborn son of a bitch, I admit that freely. You’ll figure that out pretty quick if you allow yourself to spend any amount of time with me. But, it’s only because I care…”

I looked at the television and for several minutes we sat in silence looking at a really weird cartoon. “What the hell is this?” Emma finally asked with a slight chuckle.

“I have no idea, but it’s weird…” I laughed and tossed her the remote. “Birthday Girl gets control of the remote for the rest of the night…”

She shot me a look but took the remote and started flipping channels. As the television flickered from one channel to the next she smiled, “I hide the remote from Skinner most of the time. I don’t think that in the six months I’ve known him that he’s ever watched a television show or movie from start to finish. If the remote is in his hand, he has to flip channels and then he’ll forget what he was originally watching and will start watching something else. It’s so annoying.”

“I used to be like that…” I said and put more focus on looking at Emma than watching the channels pass by. Before I’d gone through rehab and I was messed up on drugs and shit, I couldn’t sit still for the life of me. Sure, I’m still an anxious and bouncy person, but back then I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I don’t miss that at all.

“What made you stop?”

“Rehab and lots of therapy…” I said with a chuckle.

She smiled and nodded, “Works wonders…”

“You ever been?” I was curious, something about her response made me think that maybe she’d been down that road.

“Not really… kind of. My… well, someone I knew went through rehab, and I was there while it was happening, so I feel like I went through it too. But, I’ve been on the couch before… not in a long time, but I’ve been through it.”

I nodded, “Therapy is a damn good thing…”

She nodded, “It can be…”

I smiled and decided not to press the matter anymore. The last thing anyone needed on their birthday was to talk about therapists and rehab. When I noticed that she’d finally chosen a station to land on and put the remote down on the couch between us, I looked at the television and smiled.

Hot damn, Trading Spaces.

Chapter 10 by BeTheStage

10

When room service knocked on his door for the second time that night, AJ popped up with a huge grin on his face and Emma shook her head at him. It was the same person bringing them the cake who’d previously brought up the hot chocolate earlier. AJ tipped him well once again, just not quite as well as he’d done the first time.

He sat down with the plate holding a slice of chocolate cake that looked amazing and had a bright pink birthday candle sticking up out of it. He smiled as he lit the candle and looked at Emma, “I’m going to sing to you…”

“I assumed you would…” she said with a smile and another shake of her head. “You’re nuts…”

“Yup…” he said with a nod and then sang Happy Birthday to her while holding the piece of cake in between them. “Got a wish?”

She shook her head, “I don’t make wishes…”

“Then I’ll make one for you…” he told her quietly. He closed his eyes and she watched him as he made his wish for her silently and then opened his eyes with a smile. “Okay, you can blow it out…”

“Are you going to tell me the wish?” she asked.

“Nope… that’s bad luck… now blow it out before the wish drifts away.”

She smiled at him and then looked at the candle. The single piece of cake and cheap little pink candle had to be one of the nicest things anyone had done for her in a really long time. She blew the candle out and he let out a little cheer for her that made her laugh. He then pulled the candle from the cake and offered the end of it to her. She looked at him like he was crazy, “What do you want me to do with that, stick it up my nose?”

“Oh for crying out loud…” he sighed and laughed. “You have to suck the cake and frosting off of the end of the candle… it’s part of the whole wish thing…”

“You’re a pop star by day, and a birthday wish expert by night huh?”

AJ rolled his eyes at her, “Suck it or I’ll shove it in your mouth…”

She laughed her first real hearty laugh all night, “That’s not the first time I’ve heard that statement in a hotel room…”

“Emma…”

“AJ…”

AJ sighed again and pushed the candle toward her again. She chuckled and let him put the candle in her mouth then sucked the frosting and cake off of it. That made him smile and he placed the cleaned-off candle on the plate next to the cake. Then in a move that shocked both of them he leaned forward and kissed her cheek gently and smiled, “Happy Birthday…”
Chapter 11 by BeTheStage

11

I really have no idea why I made such a big deal over Emma having birthday cake and the whole thing with the candle. Just part of my stubborn son of a bitch mentality perhaps… But when I kissed her cheek that blew even me away. I didn’t see it coming until it was over with and I’d done it. It just felt like the right thing to do. I didn’t know why, it just did. And once it was done and I’d had a momentary thought of “oh shit, what did I just do,” then I knew that it was okay. Emma didn’t smack me or burst into tears or anything weird and we went back to watching Trading Spaces while sharing the best piece of chocolate cake that I’d had in a long time. It wasn’t exactly the way I would have spent my birthday, but for some reason I got the impression that for Emma, it was cool.

We made it through about two full episodes of Trading Spaces and laughed at the bad reactions at the end of the shows while doing our own critiquing of the rooms before we both dozed off. It was probably about three when the sound of a cell phone that didn’t belong to me woke me up. I looked around the room in confusion until my eyes settled on Emma and I remembered that she was there with me. Just as I was about to tap her in order to wake her up, she opened her eyes and immediately grabbed for her phone in that way that just screamed, “I’m awake! I’m awake!”

I chuckled at her and busied myself with the oh so important job of putting our dirty room service dishes on the tray near the door and in the meantime casually listened to her side of the telephone conversation. “Hey… Yeah I’m next door with AJ. He came back to the hotel and found me in the hall soaking wet and let me stay with him until you called me back…” I looked at my watch, it had been at least five hours since she’d left that message for him, and I knew for a fact that Skinner’s cell phone couldn’t vibrate with a voice mail message without him dropping everything he was doing to check it. I’d even seen him check his voice mail the middle of a sound check making us all wait for him to finish. It pissed me off to think that he’d received that message from Emma telling him that she was locked out of the room and soaking wet and yet he’d ignored it for five hours. Even I’d picked up on the sadness in her voice as she left that message for him, and I didn’t even know her, he should have known. “Okay…” she said quietly and nodded like Skinner could see her. “I’ll be over in a minute… Bye…”

I stood there by the dirty dishes and looked at Emma, “Skinner?”

“Yeah… he just got back. He said that he didn’t get my message until just now…”

Skinner was a fucking liar, we both knew it. I nodded, “Cool…”

Emma stood up and folded the blanket that she’d been using before moving toward the door where I was. “Thank you, again.”

“You’re welcome, again…” I said and smiled. “Anytime…”

“I’ll have these clothes washed and will get them back to you today, okay?” she said tugging at the multiple layers of clothes that she’d borrowed from me.

I nodded, “Sure… no rush. I’ve got more clothes with me than I need anyway.”

She picked up the somewhat damp clothes that we’d laid out on the chairs to air dry and then smiled at me. I looked into those green eyes of hers all over again. Beautiful. “Well, I should probably go… Skinner might pass out soon and then I’d be stuck in the hall again.”

She chuckled but both of us knew that her statement wasn’t exactly a joke. “So, I’ll see you around, I’m sure…” I told her as I opened the door for her. “I’ll look for you at sound check…”

“Yeah…” she said and smiled again. “See ya…”

I nodded and she stepped into the hall. She gave a little wave and I found myself calling out to her, “Hey Emma?”

“Yeah?” she said and twirled around to look at me.

“Good night…”

She smiled one of those really bright smiles that went all of the way to her eyes and I think she even blushed a little bit. “Good night…”

Chapter 12 by BeTheStage

12

Emma didn’t show up at sound check the next day. At least I never saw her there. And yeah, I looked for her, a lot. So much that at the end of the sound check I nearly got knocked off of the stage when I forgot what I was doing and Nick ran into me.

“Dude… what the hell is wrong with you today?” he laughed and nudged me.

“I just… I dunno…” I said and shook my head. “Sorry…”

“Too much Trading Spaces last night huh?”

I forced a laugh and nodded, “Something like that, yeah…”

Nick looked at me and made a face, “Liar… what’s up?”

I sighed and checked the area again for any signs of Emma, “You ever meet that girl Emma that hangs around Skinner?”

“Yeah I think so… once, maybe. She’s kinda short, great ass, really green eyes, right?”

I sighed again thinking about her green eyes, “Yeah…”

Nick laughed at me, “What, you got a hard on for her or something? I’m telling Skinner…”

“No…” I groaned. “I don’t have a hard on for her, I just… well, last night when I came back from that stupid club I ran into her. She’d locked herself out of their room and was soaked because she’d been out in the rain. So I let her come into my room and made sure she was okay and dried off… She’s nice…”

“And you’ve got a hard on for her…” Nick said and laughed again.

“No I don’t… I just thought she’d be here. She said that she’s usually at sound check helping out.”

“Dude, she’s a groupie… groupies don’t help out at sound checks.”

“She’s not a groupie, she’s a tee shirt girl…”

Nick looked at me and then cracked up, “Are you serious?”

“What?”

“You just gave me a death look when you said that.” He mocked me with a serious look on his face, “She’s a tee shirt girl…” He then laughed and held his stomach, “Yeah right man, you don’t have a hard on for the chick… If you wanna bone the tee shirt girl, go for it. Just stop lying about it. And watch out for Skinner, cause he’s kinda scary. He’d kick your ass into next week without much effort.”

“They’re not together… she’s just his friend.”

“Then what’s your problem? As you so clearly stated, she’s nice… and she’s not screwing Skinner which frankly is a good thing because yeah, he’s kinda gross.”

I looked across the stage to where Skinner was hitting on one of our dancers and nodded, “Yeah he is…”

“Damn good drummer though…” Nick said looking at Skinner and then looked at me. “So… go find your tee shirt girl why don’t you? Take her back to the hotel, give her a happy screw, and get this out of your system before our show tonight.” Nick was teasing me, I knew that by the smile on his face, but it still bugged me. I wasn’t lying when I told him that I wasn’t after Emma in a sexual kind of way. I just liked talking to her, or something. There’s something about hanging out with people who don’t seem to give a rip about my celebrity status that’s nice. Emma certainly didn’t seem to care about it, and that was really comfortable. I just wanted to see her again. “Want me to ask Skinner where she is?”

“Uh, no…” I said shaking my head. “If I’m gunna find her, I’ll do it on my own.”

“Well then go on with your bad self…” Nick said with a chuckle and pushed me toward the back of the stage. “Tee shirt girl, oh tee shirt girl… where for art thou tee shirt girl?”

I flipped Nick off. Then I smiled and went to look for Emma.

Chapter 13 by BeTheStage

13

Emma was sitting on the merchandise counter kicking her feet and drinking a soda. She’d just finished setting up the booth with the assorted merchandise to be sold later that night at the concert, and decided in her boredom that she deserved a break.

“And we pay you the big bucks to sit on your ass?” a familiar voice asked as its owner approached from side.

Emma smiled and turned her head to see AJ and a very large man walking up to her, “I wouldn’t call what I get big bucks by any means… You’re the big spender, remember?”

AJ smiled, “Oh yeah…”

Emma gave a wave to the big man standing nearby, “Hey…”

“Hey, yourself…” he said with a smile.

“Oh yeah… Marcus, this is Emma… Emma, Marcus, my bodyguard.”

Emma chuckled, “Now that’s a job I bet gets the big bucks…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” AJ asked as Emma and Marcus both chuckled.

“Nothing…” Emma smiled. “Just that you’re a very important guy and I’m sure you pay Marcus well…”

AJ rolled his eyes, “Whatever… so what are you up to?”

“Just sitting on my ass…” Emma chuckled. “And wishing this place allowed smoking inside.”

“You don’t have work to do?”

“Not really… I set up already, so now I just have to sit around and wait for the rabid fans to come rushing in…” She gave him a wink and laughed at the look on his face. “Hey, I’m serious… you should see some of the fights that break out over your pretty little face when I tell someone that I just sold the last glossy of you to the girl who was in front of them.”

Marcus laughed again and AJ whined, “Shut up… both of you.”

“No thanks…” Emma smiled and slid herself across the counter so that she was inside of the sales area. “Wanna see what my favorite item is?” She didn’t stop to hear AJ’s reaction, but bent down reaching into a box and pulled out an item and then jumped back onto the counter and slid herself back across to the side where AJ was now leaning against the counter. She smiled and handed the item to him, “Little tiny AJ face on a handy ball point pen.”

“Jesus…” AJ said as he looked at the pen and laughed at the picture of his face on the pen.

“I have several of them… all you, of course. Well, I have one of Nick cause he actually remembered my name last time I saw him… but the rest are all of you.”

“I didn’t know you were such a smart ass…” AJ said with a smile and stuck the pen in his pocket. “I’m not sure if I like you when you’re all cocky and not soaked with rain.”

“I like her…” Marcus said with a chuckle.

“You want a pen too, Marc? You can walk around and when people ask you who you work for, you can point to your pen and say, ‘Cute little dude on my pen…’” They both laughed again and AJ rolled his eyes but smiled. Emma then stretched across the counter on her stomach and reached for another pen then sat back up and tossed it to Marcus.

“Thanks…” he said with a smile and slid the pen into his pocket.

“No problem…” she said and looked at AJ. “That’ll be ten bucks for the two pens… Tips are also accepted, I know how much you like to over tip.”
Chapter 14 by BeTheStage

14

I know what you’re thinking… I didn’t pay for the pens because I’m a “star,” right? You’re wrong… I did pay for them much to Emma’s surprise, and although I didn’t give her a twenty-dollar tip in cash, I did actually end up giving her a tip that night.

With some gentle pulling of strings I managed to get the night off for Emma as a belated birthday surprise, and then I set her up with a ticket in the front row that most of our fans would do bad things for. I admit, I was a little worried that she wouldn’t show up and use the ticket. I figured that maybe I was being a little too… well, too much me and I was going to scare her away. But, just a few moments into the first song I looked down into the seats and there she was. She was smiling and laughing and I even saw her cheering along with the other people in the seats around her. That pretty much made my whole week, I wanted her to enjoy herself like a kid wanted to show off in front of his crush. Except that I wasn’t crushing on her, I just had this overwhelming need to be nice to her, to know her.

Of course, I did go as far as to mention her birthday when I was doing my little speech to the fans thanking them for coming to the concert that night. My mouth sometimes has a mind of it’s own, and that night was nothing new.

“Before I let the other guys come out here and say hello though…” I said as I paraded around the stage catching my breath from the last number and making eye contact with as many fans as possible. “I do want to wish a very happy belated birthday to a new friend of mine who is here tonight. I won’t say her name or even point her out since I know she’d probably kill me if I did that…” I said with a giggle as the audience laughed along with me, and Emma did too. “But she knows who she is, and I hope she’s having a great time tonight. Happy Birthday Mystery Girl…”

I winked at her and blew a kiss before I left the stage and the smile that was on Emma’s face stayed with me for the rest of the night.

Chapter 15 by BeTheStage

15

Emma made it back to the hotel that night before any of the others did. She had to admit to herself that she’d had a good time and had enjoyed the concert. She wasn’t real sure how to take AJ. She knew he was nice, and that for the most part when they were around each other it was spent with friendly banter. Yet, she didn’t know if he was purposely trying to flirt with her, or if that’s just how he came across. She was hoping that it was the latter so that she didn’t have to disappoint him.

When she got back to her room, she re-read the note that AJ had left with the concert ticket.

Dear Emma,

You asked for a tip… so here’s your tip. You’re off the hook tonight. No working. Instead, you’ll be in the audience experiencing the concert like it’s meant to be seen, from the front row. Consider it a belated birthday gift from me. You’re also getting dinner as part of your tip too, so plan on meeting me afterward back at the hotel, I won’t take no for an answer.

And yeah, I know… “I didn’t have to.” I wanted to.


AJ

After scribbling her own note on a piece of hotel stationary, she checked her watch and then grabbed a few things before quickly heading back down to the lobby. She stopped at the front desk leaving directions with the clerk about the note she’d written and who it was for, then she slid out of the side entrance to the hotel avoiding the fans as well as the band members who were just beginning to walk through the front doors.

Chapter 16 by BeTheStage

16

“Mr. McLean… Mr. McLean?”

I looked at Marcus, “Who the fuck is calling my name and calling me Mister?”

Marcus laughed and looked around, “The dude at the front desk…”

He got me through a group of fans that’d somehow managed to get into the lobby of the hotel and blocked me from them as I stood at the desk looking at the guy who was calling me by my last name. “What’s up?”

“I have a message and a package for you, sir… It’s from someone who is with the tour, so I figured I’d make sure you got it right away.”

“Hmm… okay…” I said, confused as always and waited for him to produce my message and package. He handed it over to me and then Marcus pulled me off to the elevators away from, as Emma called them, my rabid fans.

“Whatcha’ get?” Marcus said as we rode the elevators up to our floor.

“No idea… I just want a shower and food…” I sighed and put the package under my arm.

“Same here…” he said with a smile. “Just give me a call when you and Emma are ready to go out.”

“I will…” I said with a nod as we got off of the elevator and headed toward our rooms. “I’ll call her after I get out of the shower.” Marcus did the usual fan search of my room and then when he gave me the all clear, I went straight into my room and turned on the water in the shower to let it get hot. I then sat down on the bed and opened the letter that was taped to the weird package that had been waiting for me.

Dear AJ,

Thank you, for arranging to get me the night off and the great seat at the concert. You’re right, you definitely didn’t have to do that for me, and next time I see you, I’ll probably tell you that in person. Unfortunately, I can’t do dinner with you tonight. Maybe we can reschedule for another night though, okay?

Thanks again for all that you did for me last night. I had your clothes cleaned and sent up to your room earlier tonight, they should be there by the time you get this note. The package with this note is just a little token of thanks for everything.

See you around…

Emma

P.S. See how well the AJ Pen works?

She’d drawn a little smile after the comment about the pen and although it made me laugh, I also let out a sigh. I really wanted to have dinner with her that night and learn more about her. Now I was just rejected and facing dinner all alone.

I opened the package and laughed again. Cigarettes to replace the ones she’d smoked the night before. I ended up smoking nearly the whole pack thinking about Emma and why she’d turned me down that night before I finally gave up and passed out on the couch with another Trading Spaces marathon playing in the background.
Chapter 17 by BeTheStage

17

It was probably two days before I even saw Emma again. I can’t say that I didn’t look for her, because I did. I wanted to see her again. I wanted to know if she really liked the concert and if I’d done something to scare her off. I didn’t want our spur of the moment friendship that we’d sparked in Chicago to suddenly fade away when we went to a new city.

I also didn’t want to turn into some weird asshole stalker either. So instead of asking Skinner if he knew where his roommate was in some friendly bit of conversation, I hit up all of the roadies I could find and asked them about Emma. Yeah, I said I didn’t want to be a stalker, not that I didn’t actually end up being one.

The hard part though, was that no one really knew much about Emma. One person after another looked at me with blank expressions as they ran the name Emma through their memory banks and usually came up with nothing. I knew she worked for the tour, but apparently not many of the other people working the tour knew she was there. Kind of like how before the rainy night in Chicago I’d barely known she existed.

Leave it up to fate to step in and pull strings for me just when I was about to play the ‘woe is me’ game and give up on my search for Emma. The hotel we’d booked had changed its smoking rules after we’d booked the tour, and by the time we got there, the entire building was smoke-free. This meant middle of the night trips outside to smoke unless we wanted to piss off the hotel and end up paying some serious cleaning bills to get the smell out of the rooms once we were done. I personally opted to go outside.

As usual, we’d occupied the top floor of the hotel and thankfully there was an outdoor balcony area on our floor so that instead of having to go all the way to the main floor then risk having to smoke with weird scary fans who teetered on the stalking fence, we just had to walk down our private floor to the private balcony and puff our cigs there.

It was probably about midnight when I made my way out there. We’d done one hell of a show that night and I was freshly showered and ready to kill a few cigarettes before either ordering room service or dragging Marcus out to find an all night restaurant like Denny’s. I like Denny’s, a lot.

I stepped onto the balcony and lit my cigarette as I walked to the edge and leaned on the thick stone wall keeping the balcony enclosed. I looked down at the city below and my mind drifted here and there wondering what people were doing with their lives. I was also quite aware of the fact that we’d moved further south in the country again and even at midnight, the weather was much more suited to my personal tastes than Chicago had been. Wearing just a long sleeved tee shirt and blue jeans I was perfectly fine without needing any other layers as the wind gently blew around the balcony.

It wasn’t until I’d finished my cigarette and began looking for somewhere to put the butt that I realized I wasn’t alone.

“Holy shit…” I laughed after jumping when I saw Emma sitting quietly in a chair on the balcony smoking her own cig.

“Hello to you too…” she said with a chuckle. “There’s an empty coffee can over here that we’re all using for butts.”

“Cool…” I said and walked over to put my cigarette out and toss it into the can. I then sat down in the chair across from Emma. “I’ve been looking for you for two days, and the minute I stop looking, I find you…”

Emma smiled, “Some people would say that means you shouldn’t have been looking for me.”

“Yeah, that or it says that I’m a really shitty investigator and looked for you in all of the wrong places.” I smiled at her and lit up another cigarette. “So what have you been up to?”

“Just working and hanging out mostly…”

“Hanging with Skinner?”

“Nah… he’s been busy trying to fuck everything that moves on this tour. I’ve been sticking to myself.”

“Did I do something to freak you out?” I blurted it out and couldn’t stop it from coming out. Damn mouth.

“What?” she asked.

“In Chicago, did I… I dunno, did I do something stupid to scare you away? Cause if I did, I’m really sorry. I totally didn’t mean to. I just thought you were an interesting chick and that maybe we could hang out or something cause we seem to get along okay.” I sounded like a fucking dweeb. Real smooth, AJ.

“Why would you think that you scared me away?”

“You didn’t meet me for dinner that night after the concert and then no matter where I looked for the next few days, I couldn’t find you. I just can’t help but think that you… well, you don’t want to be around me. And you know, if that’s the case, I can respect that… I just didn’t think it was the case, but now I don’t know. You know, what the case is… and stuff.” Have I mentioned that I ramble when I’m nervous? Damn, damn mouth.

I watched Emma as a slight smile slid across her face and then she looked down at the pack of cigarettes that were sitting on the arm of the wooden chair she was sitting in. She sighed and shook her head, “I kind of don’t know what to tell you…” She paused again and took a long drag on her cigarette before going on, always looking out over the city instead of at me. “I admit, I was sort of avoiding you. Sorta. Not because you freak me out or I don’t like you. Cause I do like you. You’re a cool guy, and you make me laugh which is sometimes a really hard thing to do. I just…” She sighed again and finally looked at me, “Have you eaten?”

I laughed at the placement of her question in the middle of what seemed like was a confessional kind of conversation. “Uh, no… I was gunna go find something after this…” I said and held up my cigarette.

“Rumor has it, there’s a Denny’s at the end of this block. Wanna go have dinner and talk about this there? Cause if we stay here, I’m going to end up smoking this whole pack and I really shouldn’t do that.”

She smiled an adorable sort of goofy smile at me and I nodded, “Denny’s it is…” I got up and then offered her my hand to help her out of her seat. Always the gentleman, yes I am.

We finished off the cigarettes that we’d been working on, disposed of the butts in the Sanka can and then on our way to the elevators banged on Marcus’ door letting him know that he wasn’t off the hook for the night just yet.

Chapter 18 by BeTheStage

18

Emma insisted that Marcus sit and eat with her and AJ at their table in Denny’s. Part diversion tactic, and part southern charm. She thought it was rude to make him sit all by himself when he was clearly good friends with AJ and was going to be eating dinner too. After trying to get out of it, he finally agreed to sit with them while they were eating, but once his food was gone, he planned to move to another table to let the two of them talk alone.

“He’s the fastest eater I’ve ever known…” Emma laughed as she shook her head at Marcus’ empty plate and stuck her tongue out toward him with a smile across the distance to where he sat back in bodyguard mode. He stuck his tongue back out at her then crossed his arms over his chest and put on his professional face for the whole four other patrons of the restaurant that evening.

“Yeah, he’s faster than I am, and I always thought I was fast. My mom used to yell at me that I couldn’t possibly taste the food when I just sucked it down like I did…” AJ said with a smile and stabbed his fork into a home-fry and popped it into his mouth.

“I’ve always been a slow eater. I guess I’m faster now that I’m on the road and we’re always sort of rushing meals. But when I get to actually sit down in a restaurant, I go back to my normal speed.”

AJ nodded at her and watched her as he chewed. Once his mouth wasn’t full he spoke up again, “Would it freak you out to tell you that you have the prettiest green eyes I’ve ever seen?”

“Yeah…” she said and rolled her eyes.

“Well too bad, cause you do. They’re great. Tell me you don’t get that color by wearing contacts.”

“Nah, they’re all mine…”

“Wow…”

“They’re not that great…” Emma said quietly and took a bite of her food, trying to duck out of the flattering eye conversation as quickly as possible.

“Yeah they are…” AJ said with a smile. “But, I can tell you don’t take compliments all that well. So, I’ll shut up. For now.”

“Thanks…” she laughed.

“Mmm hmm…” he nodded. “So… feel like going back to what we were discussing on the balcony? I’m pretty curious to know where you were going with that whole ramble. I think you last said, ‘you’re a cool guy and you make me smile yadda yadda, let’s go to Denny’s.’”

Emma laughed and nodded as she pushed eggs around on her plate and then looked up at AJ noticing his dark brown eyes giving her their sole attention. She let out a sigh wondering if what she was about to do was the right thing, but went on nevertheless. “I don’t um… I have this rule.” She paused trying to figure out what she was going to say and just how to phrase it. She’d never told anyone this before and had no idea how to do it. “I don’t make friends anymore… I have my reasons, and I’m not even going to get into those. But you…” She paused again trying to form coherent sentences in her head. AJ meanwhile waited and listened, he’d even stopped eating. “What freaked me out about Chicago was just how fast you were able to sort of step into my life. You took care of me when I was sopping wet, which was really nice… but not something I would have ever let anyone else do. I would have sat there in the hall and suffered the chills even if it meant lying to you saying that Skinner was on his way even if he wasn’t. But for some reason, I let you do it. Then the hot chocolate and the birthday cake… even the candle. All very nice, caring, things… But also all things that I just don’t let happen. And I’m used to that. I’m used to being alone and doing my own thing. Of not celebrating much of anything, and just doing what I can to live from day to day. I admit, I push people away. I keep people at arm’s length without telling them any more about myself than I need to. And yet, here I am telling you that I push people away… and that’s another thing I never do.” She shook her head trying to shake some sense into her rambling, “Then you did the birthday gift thing. You arranged a night off from work for me and gave me that amazing seat and did that whole speech to me on stage… That was great, it really was…”

“But…” AJ said stepping in.

“But…” she said and then sighed. “It was the first time in a really long time that someone had been that nice to me. That I let someone be nice to me…”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t let that into my life…” she said and let out a big breath like she’d been holding it for a long time. Much longer than the time they’d been sitting at the table together. She could tell he was going to ask her why again, she could see it in the way he leaned toward her over his food and in the way his eyes looked. “That’s just how things work with me. Please don’t ask me why.”

He nodded, “I won’t… yet. I was pretty fucked up once upon a time and I know that people have reasons for the things they do, even if no one else in the world gets it… Sometimes you’re just not ready to tell anyone else those reasons.”

She nodded, “Yeah, kind of.”

“So, let me see if I can iron this out a bit. You do like hanging with me, but hanging out means letting someone in, which is against the rule… so it’s sort of an uneven playing ground. But on the other hand, for some reason you let me warm you up that night of the rain, and you accepted the ticket to the show and stuff. So something is pulling you one way when your head and your rules are telling you to get the hell away from me.”

Emma kept playing with her fork but nodded, “Something like that…”

“And I bet that the concert did quite a number on you huh? You liked it and had fun… I know you did cause I saw that much from the stage…” he told her with a soft smile. “But you probably realized after the concert just how far across that line of yours you let yourself go and it freaked you out. That was why you ducked out of dinner that night, right?”

“You’re good…” she said and took a drink of her orange juice.

“Where does that leave us now?”

“Sitting in Denny’s in the middle of the night making Marcus really bored…” she said smiling a real smile for a moment. “And, not real sure what’s going to happen because I have never had as hard a time pushing someone away as I’m having with you.”

“That’s probably a sign that you’re not supposed to push me away. I’m the one person who you can let in… Or maybe the first of many…”

“I wouldn’t go that far…”

“Where does Skinner come into this? If you don’t mind me asking…”

“He’s definitely at arm’s length. He knows less than you do about me, probably. I mean, he knows the useless stuff like whether or not I leave wet towels on the floor and if I snore or not. But when it comes to me, he doesn’t know much.”

“Like your birth date…”

“Yeah… or anything else that crosses my line.”

AJ drummed his fork on the side of his plate until he realized it was an annoying sound and he stopped himself. “How about we just give hanging out a try? You and me taking smoke breaks together, maybe watching cartoons or Trading Spaces together when we’re wide awake in the middle of the night… Calling each other’s voice mail and leaving prank messages… Just your typical friend thing… Kind of what you’ve got with Skinner, except that I’m not a creepy drummer guy…” he said with a little taste of a tease.

She didn’t smile, “I don’t know if I know how to be a friend anymore, AJ.”

“Sure you do, it’ll come back to you faster than you think. It’s like riding a bike or having sex, you don’t really forget, you just fall out of practice.” He kept talking when he saw that she was about to protest, “I promise not to push you to tell me anything that makes you uncomfortable. But like you told me the night we met, I have the freedom to ask you anything, but you have the freedom to tell me to buzz off if it’s too personal.”

“You probably won’t get a lot out of me…”

“I’m okay with that,” he said with a nod. “I know you like Godiva Hot Chocolate, and Trading Spaces, and the Cartoon Network. I also know that those killer green eyes aren’t fake, and you smoke the same brand as me… That’s enough for me to know that we have some stuff in common. Plus, we get along. I’m kind of a pain in the ass… so when I find someone who doesn’t get sick of me in ten minutes, I like to hang on…”

“Who says I’m not sick of you?” she said completely deadpan and then cracked a smile.

“Oh just push the knife in a little harder…” he groaned and made a dramatic act of jabbing an imaginary knife into his chest. “I’ll sick my big bodyguard on you if you’re not nice, woman.”

Emma laughed and rolled her eyes, “Marc? He wouldn’t hurt me…”

“Wanna bet?”

“He’s a big old teddy bear. He may look scary, but he probably wouldn’t even hurt a fly. It’s all in the appearance with him.”

“I know a few flies who would beg to differ if they weren’t smashed into oblivion…”

“Whatever, big spender…” she said and finally used her fork to put food in her mouth instead of playing with it.

AJ laughed, “See, you already have a stupid nickname for me… you can’t avoid me now. Don’t run okay?”

Emma looked at him and just looked at him for a moment then nodded slowly, “I’ll try not to. That’s about the best I can give you.”

“I’ll take that…” he nodded. “I just want to hang out with you, you know? Touring can be a pain in the ass sometimes when you don’t have anyone who ‘gets’ you to chill with. I want to listen to you make fun of me when I’m being a stupid pop star, and watch you laugh with Marcus when you two are teasing me about something. I want to take smoke breaks with you because none of the other guys in the band smoke and won’t take breaks with me without pitching a fit. Think about it this way… We’ve got four months left on this tour. And now that all of the cities have started to blend into one another and you’re probably thinking that you’re having a bad case of déjà vu most of the time, the one constant thing that you and I can say we have on this tour, is hanging out with each other. I’ve done enough touring to know how important that can be to keeping your sanity. Kevin and Brian have their families, Howie has his travel mate who he hangs out with on off hours, Nick is… well, he’s Nick. He’s got friends flying in to practically every stop on this tour so that he’s always got someone to hang with. Skinner is… well, he’s…”

“…a manwhore…” Emma finished for AJ and they both laughed.

“Exactly… So that leaves us.”

“And Marc…”

“Yes, and Marcus. We can be each other’s little coping mechanisms for the rest of the tour. When you’re sick of the fans and want to quit you can call me up and bitch about it and I’ll tell you fan stories that’ll make you piss your pants with laughter…” He laughed and Emma smiled a genuine smile listening to him talk. “Or when I’m getting claustrophobic in my room I can call you up and we’ll sneak out in the middle of the night to go for a walk or something that’ll drive security mad… And if I ever push too hard about getting to know you and I freak you out, just smack me in the head and tell me to stop it. I have a really hard head, you won’t hurt me. Just don’t hide from me… I like talking to you too much and love looking at your green eyes too much for you to hide from me and avoid me. Plus, you saw how bad I am at hunting you down… don’t make me work that hard anymore…” he told her and smiled hopefully.

Emma thought about what AJ said for a moment and he waited patiently for her response. She considered all that he’d told her and what it might possibly mean to let someone into her life again. Although it scared her, there was something in the back of her head nagging at her telling her not to run away from this one, and she knew from experience that she always needed to listen to that voice. When she didn’t, bad things always happened. She was hesitant, but she didn’t fight the voice in her head, “Okay…”

AJ grinned from ear to ear and held his hand out across the table to her, “Friends…”

She chuckled mostly out of nervousness and shook his hand, “Friends…”

Chapter 19 by BeTheStage

19

Getting to know Emma was interesting. Some days she didn’t have any trouble at all telling me things about herself, and then other days I could barely get out of her what kinds of foods she liked. The speed at which her defense mechanisms kicked in, and what triggered them, was something that I worked hard to understand in the beginning of our friendship.

On one of her more open days I found her sitting by the indoor pool in our hotel d’jour. I hadn’t been looking for her, but rather had been raiding the gift shop for junk food and on my way back to the elevator noticed her through the wall of windows that separated the hall from the pool area.

I sat down with my junk food purchases and smiled at her, “Hey…”

“Hey yourself…” she said and closed the notebook that had been in her lap, the pencil that she’d been using held her spot in the book. “What’s up?”

“Nuthin’… I was just in the gift shop and saw you so I thought I’d drop by and be annoying.”

“Ah…” she chuckled and nodded. “It’s been almost twelve hours since I’ve been annoyed by you, I was beginning to think you didn’t care anymore.”

“Someone’s in a good mood…” I chuckled.

“I suppose…” she said and shrugged. “So what did you buy me in the gift shop?”

“What makes you think I bought YOU anything? Always teasing me and calling me annoying… Like I’d buy you a gift… Yeah right.” I had bought her something, I was completely lying through my teeth. The more I got to know her, the more often I’d be somewhere and think to myself that she’d like whatever was in front of me. Impulse shopping… another one of my issues that I was working on.

“You always get me something…”

“Do not…”

“Do too. The last time you went shopping without coming back with something for me was back in… well, I can’t remember what the hell city it was. But it was after we had dinner at Denny’s that one night when we were in whatever city came after Chicago. So, I’d say we’re going on two weeks or so that you’ve been blowing money on me. Can’t stop now, big spender. You’ve got me conditioned for receiving gifts.”

I thought about what she said and although I would have loved to say she was wrong, she wasn’t. “Okay whatever… but still, you don’t have to ruin the surprise by asking for gifts. The purpose of a gift is that it’s unexpected, ya know?”

She smiled, “Yes, sir…”

“Don’t call me sir.”

“Yes… dude.”

We both laughed and I dug through the bag that held way too much junk food and other crap that I can always manage to find in hotel gift shops. “I shouldn’t be allowed in gift shops anymore…” I laughed.

“They’re fun though…” she told me. “They hold a wealth of shit that you really don’t need but just want to buy because it’s cool. Do you know how many travel toothbrushes I’ve bought on this tour just because I keep finding new ones that are cool?”

I laughed outright, “I almost bought a new one in there today. They have the ones where instead of having a cap, it folds into itself and to open it, you push a button.”

“No way…” she said with the funniest look on her face. “I’m so going in there before I go upstairs. I’ve been looking for one of those since I saw one in Michigan and didn’t buy it.”

Toothbrushes. I never would have guessed that travel toothbrushes would easily amuse her, and yet when she said it to me, it was absolutely perfect. Yet another thing that intrigued me about her. “Sorry I didn’t get you one. But I thought these were pretty cool and I somehow thought that you’d get a kick out of them.”

I passed her a package of lighters and she grinned from ear to ear. Jackpot. “These rock…” They were disposable lighters that cost all of a couple bucks, but they were cool because they were tall and skinny shaped more like a cigarette than a traditional lighter. They were made to fit inside a pack of cigarettes. “Seriously, this is one of the coolest things I’ve seen in a while… Thank you.”

“You’re welcome…” I chuckled. “I saw them and they practically screamed your name at me.”

“They talk too?” she asked with a smirk and then laughed. She was really in a good mood. “Here, you can have the red one…” She handed the red lighter to me and before I could protest she gave me what I was quickly learning to be her don’t-even-try-to-fuck-with-me look.

“Thanks…” I chuckled and stuck the lighter in my pack of cigarettes. “Perfect fit.”

“Kick ass…” She looked at one of the other lighters and studied it. “You know, I might be able to refill these. I’ve got one of those refill can things that has all of the different sized doohickeys… That would be cool if we could re-use them.”

I smiled watching her. “Or I could just spend another two bucks and buy you another pack of them when these are used up.”

“Or you could save your two dollars and I could refill them…” she said and shot me a look that made me laugh. She was less than impressed by my money and the fact that I often spent it like it was going out of style and she never failed to tell me when she thought I was being stupid by spending too much of it. I loved that about her too.

I tossed a bag of Red Vines at her, “ Present number two…”

Another smile from her, I was on a roll. “You remembered.”

“Of course I remembered. You tackled me and held me down until I proclaimed that Red Vines were better than Twizzlers… A guy doesn’t forget something like that. I still don’t know how you have so much strength in that body.”

She laughed, “I’m just full of secrets…”

The understatement of the year. “No shit?”

“No shit…” she laughed and ripped open the Red Vines bag and gave us both a piece. “I needed something to chew on other than my pencil… What else did you get?”

I let my Red Vine hang out of my mouth as I spoke and pulled things out of the plastic bag from the gift shop. “A deck of cards, cheese doodles, a magazine, mints, gum, a post card, a pen, and batteries.”

“So you’ve got an exciting evening of solitaire, cheesy fingers, whacking off, fresh breath, and something kinky with batteries huh?”

I laughed and nodded, “Yeah, but don’t forget the postcard and the pen. After I get done whacking off I’m going to write about it in a post card and mail it to you…”

“Pervert…” she laughed and played with one of her lighters flicking it on and off with her thumb.

“Hey, you’re the one who said I’m going to whack off… where the hell did that come from anyway?”

“The magazine… it’s gotta be porn.”

I laughed, “For your information, it’s People.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure there’s some Victoria’s Secret ad in there that will work just fine for you. You’re a man, AJ. You could find something in an issue of a parenting magazine to turn you on.”

“I resent that…” I laughed and sat back in the lounge I was sitting on. “I’m not that bad…”

“No, you’re not… but I’m sure you have the potential. Most men do. You’re just on good behavior because you don’t want to offend me just yet.”

“Whatever, Emma…” I chuckled and looked up at the sky through the skylight that was over the pool. “Anyway… what were you doing when I so rudely interrupted you?”

“Not much…” she said and looked up at the skylight as well.

“You and your cryptic answers…” I laughed.

“That wasn’t cryptic, it was simplistic,” she said with a smile.

“What’s the notebook for?”

“Drawing, writing, whatever comes to mind…”

“That’s cool… kind of like a journal?”

“No. I don’t do journals. It’s simply something to use when my hands need something to do.”

I thought about making a sex joke, but held back. “Do you draw a lot?”

“I wouldn’t say a lot, but I used to.”

“But you don’t anymore…”

“Nope.”

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you… You mentioned once that you were in college when Millennium was out. What did you study?”

She paused for just a slight second, but answered. “Art Theory.”

“Did you finish school?”

“I’ve got a bachelors degree…”

“Art Theory. So is that like where you study art and shit? Or where you actually do the art and shit?”

She chuckled and looked at me, “Both, and shit.”

“So you’re an artist.”

“Nah…” she said, her gaze moving back to the skylight.

“You have a degree in Art Theory, I’d call you an artist. I haven’t seen any of your work of course, but I doubt you can get that far in art school without some talent.”

She shrugged, “Like I said, I don’t do it much anymore. You don’t exactly need my degree to sell tee shirts and AJ pens. I stick to doodling most of the time.”

“Can I look at your doodles?”

“That sounds awfully dirty, AJ.”

I laughed and she smiled, “Smart ass…”

“Asking to see my doodles in public… geesh… And I thought you were a gentleman…”

“You could just say no, you know?”

She looked at me, “I wasn’t going to say no. Just felt the need to pick on you.”

“Oh…” My bad. She handed me the book and I opened it up to the page where her pencil was. Doodles my ass, the girl had drawn a picture of Nick, and it was amazing. “Holy shit.”

“Actually, it’s Nick…” she laughed.

I shot her my own don’t-fuck-with-me look and looked back at the picture. I flipped back a few pages and was equally blown away by her so-called doodles. I was a doodler, she was an artist… there was a big huge fucking difference. There was a drawing of Skinner sitting on the tour bus holding a drumstick in his hand. There were sketches of street signs and different things I only assumed she’d seen in the assorted cities on the tour, and there were pages upon pages of other drawings that I hadn’t looked at yet. “Jesus, Em… These are fantastic.”

“They’re not that great…”

“Bullshit… this one of Nick, you did that today while sitting here?”

“Yeah…”

“From memory? He wasn’t here when you started it?”

“I haven’t seen him in a day or two actually…”

“And you managed to draw a photo-quality portrait of him by memory… Emma that’s more than great.” I could see her shutting down, she hated compliments. I covered my ass quickly, “I know you hate compliments. But you have an amazing talent here… that’s all I’m going to say. Thanks for letting me see this. I really appreciate it.”

She smiled at me and nodded, “You’re welcome.” I handed her the book back still reeling about the drawings inside of it and she quickly changed the subject. “Let’s go outside and use my new lighter… I need a smoke.”
Chapter 20 by BeTheStage

20

“So what’s up with you and Tee Shirt Girl?” Nick asked me as we sat at a table waiting for an autograph session to begin. The mass of fans hadn’t been let in yet so we were all sort of sitting around doing nothing while waiting.

“She has a name, Nick…” I groaned as I kept most of my attention on the doodle that I was working on.

“Yeah… it’s Tee Shirt Girl,” he said and chuckled.

When I ignored him he stole my pen and I looked at him, “Hey!”

“Hey, nuthin’. I’m talking to you, asshole. You’re giving that piece of paper more attention than me and I don’t like it.”

I rolled my eyes, “The Hazards of Growing Up a Pop Star, by Nick Carter.”

“Fuck you…”

“Maybe later, I don’t think the fans would be too thrilled to walk in and find us in the throes of a quickie.” I stole my pen back from him and chuckled as I looked back down at my doodle. It sucked.

“Seriously, what’s up with you? I know you’re hanging out with her because every time I try to find you to go out after a concert you’re off with her doing something. But you never tell me anything about her. What’s she like? What do you do? Is she single? Does she think I’m hot?”

He laughed and I couldn’t help but chuckle. The thing I loved most about Nick was that when it was the two of us talking, we never bothered with bullshit. We always just said things as plain as day, and with us it was just fine that way. “I highly doubt she’d be interested in anyone who calls her Tee Shirt Girl… But yeah, she’s single.”

“And?”

“And what?” I shrugged and gave up on my doodle.

“What do you guys do?”

“We hang out. Watch television, talk about whatever comes to mind, smoke…”

“No hot donkey sex?”

I laughed, “No.”

“Why not though? She’s cute.”

“Yeah, but she’s my friend.”

“Like you’ve never fucked a friend.”

“True. But how many of those friends am I still friends with now?”

“Uh… none?”

“Bingo.”

“So okay… you can’t fuck her. But I can.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me and laughed.

“I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“Cause if you hurt her I’d have to kick your ass and that wouldn’t be good for the group. Plus, I don’t think she’s looking for a quick fuck.”

“Maybe she’s my soul mate. I’ll fall madly in love with her and marry her and all of that romantic shit.”

I laughed, “Shit is about right… but still, no.”

“Can I at least come with you two some night when you hang out?”

“Maybe.”

“Why maybe?” he said with a grumpy face.

“She’s pretty uh…” I paused looking for the right word. “Private. Sometimes even I have a hard time getting her to talk to me. She might not be too cool with having someone else around. But I can ask her.”

Nick took my doodle and looked at it then laughed, “This sucks…”

I smiled, “I know…”

“Anyway…” he said and looked at me again. “What are you guys doing tonight?”

“I have no idea. Maybe just sitting in my room watching TV and ordering food.”

“Well ask her if I can join ya. I just wanna see what she’s like. She’s gotta be interesting if she’s won you over so easily.”

“I’ll ask her…”

“Cool…”

Yeah, cool. Maybe.

Chapter 21 by BeTheStage

21

Emma sat in the park behind the hotel and sketched random things that she saw around her. She was working on a sketch of a nearby tree when her phone vibrated. She pulled it out of her pocket and looked at the number before answering. “Hey…”

“How are you?”

She shrugged, “I dunno… How are you?”

“I’m alright.”

“How’d the signing go? Anyone get their clothes ripped?”

“No, but one girl looked like she was going to puke on Nick and the look on his face was pretty priceless…” AJ said with a chuckle and Emma smiled as she continued to draw with the phone perched on her shoulder.

“She didn’t actually puke did she?”

“She may have in the hall, but not in the room we were in…”

“That’s good…”

“Yeah… So, what are you up to?”

“Sitting in a park, doodling and stuff.”

AJ chuckled. “Doodling huh? You should see the doodle that I did today waiting for the signing to begin. It sucked.”

Emma laughed, “Yeah well…”

“Do I get to see the one you’re working on?”

“Sure…”

“You okay today?”

Emma was silent for a moment and then stopped drawing, “I’m… Well, I don’t know what I am. Just in a mood today, I guess.”

“Bummer. Anything I can do?”

“No… thanks, though.”

“Are we still on for later? Dinner and stuff?”

“Sure…”

They were both quiet for a while, content with listening to each other breathe for a while. “Hey Em?”

“Yeah?” she replied and began flipping through the pages of her sketchbook looking at all of her drawings.

“Nick was talking to me earlier and wanted to know if he could hang out with us some time. He wants to meet you for real since I’m spending so much time with you. You don’t have to say yes, if you’re not cool with it. But I told him I’d ask you.”

Emma looked at the picture of Nick that she’d drawn and thought about AJ’s question before moving on to turn the page. “Yeah, it’s cool.”

“Yeah?”

“Yup.”

“Tonight? Or would you rather wait for another night when you’re… well, in a happier mood.”

She let out half of a laugh and shook her head, “That might be a while. Tonight is fine. We’ll probably bore him senseless anyway and then he’ll leave early.”

AJ chuckled, “He does have a short attention span sometimes… Maybe we should time it to see how long it takes for us to bore him to tears.”

Emma smiled and flipped through a few more pages of her book, “Maybe…”

“Cool. Well listen, I’m back in my room now, so if you come back and decide you’re ready to hang out or whatever, just swing by or call me, okay? I’m not planning on doing anything but maybe take a nap.”

“Okay…” she said softly as her eyes traveled over a sketch she’d nearly forgotten was in the book and her mind began to wander as she looked at it.

“I don’t mean to sound like a broken record, but are you sure you’re okay? You just don’t sound so great…”

Emma’s eyes were fixed on her drawing and she forced herself to close the book and get the picture out of her mind, “I’m okay. I gotta go though. I’ll see you a little later…”

She hung up before AJ could respond or say goodbye.

Chapter 22 by BeTheStage

22

Sometimes I just didn’t get her. I mean, I know that there was a whole lot about Emma that I didn’t know, but it was so weird how she would be happy one day and then the next would be so… so, I don’t know. Sad. Upset. Angry. Distant.

I almost told Nick that he was going to have to take a rain check that night so that I could have Emma to myself and hopefully get her to smile, or at least sound a little happier. But then I figured that she wouldn’t have said yes to him hanging out with us if she didn’t mean it. If there was one thing I knew about Emma at that point, it was that she said what was on her mind. If I suggested pizza and she didn’t want it, she told me no. She never did that stupid thing that girls do where they agree with anything you say in order to make you happy. I always hated that when chicks couldn’t make up their minds.

So Emma showed up, still in a noticeable bad mood, and I tried my best to cheer her up without smothering her.

“Have you been to the gift shop here yet?” I asked with a grin.

“Not yet… I need to buy some gum though before we get on the busses again. Someone said we’d be driving through mountains and I don’t want my ears popping like crazy.”

“It’s a nice one actually… lots of crap.”

She smiled at me, “What did you buy?”

I couldn’t help but smile. I pulled a small bag out for her and put it in her lap. “For you, my dear…”

She chuckled and the sound was music to my ears, “You’re crazy…”

“Yeah…” I nodded. “But look at the stuff anyway, it’s cool.”

Looking through the items her smile grew a little brighter and I loved being able to know that something I did made her feel better, even if it meant spending money on her. There were so many people in my life that came in looking for my money, expecting me to spend it on them. With Emma though, I didn’t mind spending money on her. Probably because I knew that when she said thank you for something, she really and truly meant it, and she never flat out expected me to buy her shit, I just did.

That day I’d bought her an assortment of stupid little things aimed at simply making her smile. I bought her pencils with weird designs on them, which I figured would come in handy for that art she so modestly called ‘doodling’, and crayons with a coloring book that just looked fun. I also got her a lot of sugary candy to hype her up when she couldn’t smoke, and even found a few travel toothbrushes that were interesting enough that I thought she needed to add them to her collection.

“Thanks…” she said softly when she’d looked through everything.

“You’re welcome…” I said with a smile.

She leaned forward and picked her sketchbook off of the coffee table and flipped it open to a particular page then handed it to me, “You asked to see these…”

I smiled and looked down at the artwork. She was so much better at drawing than she liked to say. I couldn’t believe what she was able to create just with a pencil. I wondered if she was that good with paints or even colored pencils. “These are great…”

She shrugged and lit a cigarette taking a deep drag before flipping the page for me, “They’re alright… I did that today too… after you called me.”

I looked down and smiled at a very detailed drawing of one of the tattoos that I had on my arm. “Wow…”

“I was studying your tattoos the other day when we were sitting by the pool. They’re really artistic, which is nice to see. Sometimes people have such ugly tattoos. I figure if you’re going to have something put on your body forever, it should mean something to you and at least be well done. All of yours that I’ve seen are nice.”

“Thanks… I don’t let just anyone ink me. The guy who did most of these is kick ass. He did a lot of them with just an idea of what I wanted. I’d go in with a basic idea and we’d have a smoke or two while he sketched something and before I knew it he’d drawn something amazing that he then inked on me.”

“That’s cool…”

I looked at her and raised an eyebrow, “Are you inked?”

She smiled at the look on my face, “Yeah…”

“Whip em out…” I laughed, only half teasing.

She pulled off the tee shirt that she was wearing and revealed a tank top under it then turned so that her left shoulder was facing me. On it were four stars each a different color and outlined in black arched over a misshaped heart, which was also outlined in black. The stars had tails almost like shooting stars and looked like they had burst out of the heart and left it in an odd shape. She looked at me over her shoulder and then turned so that I could see her right shoulder, “Then there’s this one…” On her right shoulder there was another star, but this one was smaller than the others and was solid black unlike the vibrant colors of the stars on her other shoulder.

“They’re nice…” I said quietly and looked at the colorful stars again.

She took her sketchbook and flipped through the pages until she found what she was looking for. “This is the original. But I didn’t want to put all of this on my body, so I sort of condensed it.”

Talk about being blown away. The drawing that I looked at was one of the only ones I’d seen in her book that had color in it. The same four stars were there across the top of the page and were so vibrant that they looked like they were going to jump off of the page at me. The heart in the drawing had a noticeable distance from the stars whereas in her tattoo the heart was right there with the stars very close and connected, but like I’d seen with the tattoo, the stars had burst out of the heart in the picture. The picture showed with much more detail where each of the stars had broken through the heart and left their scars on it. The black star in the picture was off in its very own section and the area of the page where it was looked like all of the color had been drained from it. I have no idea how she made it look the way that it did, but it was amazing.

I knew looking at the picture that it had some sort of deep meaning to her, but I was afraid to ask her about it. Something in her eyes told me that her showing me the tattoos and the picture was a lot for her and to ask for anything more would be pushing it. Plus, a drawing that powerful had to have a pretty big story behind it, and I wasn’t sure if it was my place to ask about it just yet. So, I didn’t ask.

I shook my head and looked away from the picture smiling at her, “You’ve got a lot of talent. This is really beautiful…”

She nodded through a drag of her cigarette, “Thanks…” She put her tee shirt back on and then took the book back and closed it in her lap. She took a deep breath and let it out before looking at me again, “I’ll tell you about it someday, okay?”

I smiled and nodded then couldn’t resist the urge to run my hand consolingly down her back, “I’d like that…”
Chapter 23 by BeTheStage

23

Emma laughed as she listened to AJ and Nick telling her stories about when they were teenagers and used to get in trouble while on tour. Something about the way they’d grown up intrigued her. Most likely because it was so incredibly different from the way she’d grown up, and yet they’d all turned out pretty similar in the long run.

Every so often she noticed AJ giving her a look that she was finally used to after several weeks of their new friendship. He’d be in the middle of talking or doing something and would look at her searching her eyes to make sure that she was “okay.” He seemed to be on guard most times worrying about going too far and asking too many questions. What he didn’t understand though, was that for some reason Emma had allotted him with much more leeway than she’d given to anyone else. His “too far” was so much farther than anyone else’s. She liked how he looked out for her though, it was weird to her, but she admitted to herself that she liked it.

She took a cigarette from AJ’s pack and lit it while listening to them going on with their reminiscing. Nick was interesting, to say the least. She hadn’t been real sure about letting him in on their little tradition of hanging out in the hotel, but he’d fit in pretty quickly and she felt almost as comfortable with him around as she did with most people she’d met on the tour. Not quite as much as AJ, of course, but comfortable nevertheless.

He was cute too. Very cute. She may have shut most of her feelings away after The Accident, but she wasn’t an idiot and knew when a gorgeous man was in her company. AJ was one too, but with him she didn’t seem to notice it as much as she did with Nick. Probably because Nick was an obvious flirt, whereas AJ had his moments but typically kept his cool.

Nick on the other hand didn’t care how obvious his flirting was and wasn’t about to tone it down just because AJ told him that Emma was somewhat shy.

“Alright Emma,” Nick said as he twirled a bottle cap from his soda on his fingertip as he lay on the floor of the room on his back. “Where’s that adorable accent of yours from?”

Emma smiled at him, “Guess…”

He rolled his eyes but smiled, “Well it’s certainly southern because you’ve got a twang. But it’s not a Florida sort of thing. More like, southwest or something cause you tend to leave the g’s off of words that end with ing.”

Emma chuckled and looked at AJ, “He’s been paying attention.”

“Of course I have…” Nick said and dropped the bottle cap on his chest accidentally then picked it up and twirled it again. “It’s not that often though… just occasionally, like you either try to hide the accent, or maybe it wasn’t your original accent.”

Emma looked at Nick as he twirled the bottle cap. He was smarter than he looked. Not that he looked stupid, but she didn’t think he would have ever picked up on her slight accent like that. “You’re warm… keep guessing.”

“Are you going to tell me if I get it right?”

She laughed and put out the last of her cigarette, “Probably not…”

“I didn’t think so…” Nick laughed. “You’ll tell me eventually, though.”

“You’re that sure?” Emma asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yup…” he said and looked at her long enough to drop his bottle cap again.

“I’ve got a question for you two…” she said looking between the two men, one sprawled out on the floor and the other at the end of the couch holding her feet in his lap. “When you were younger, y’all shared a bus right?”

Nick looked at AJ and smiled, “Twang…”

Emma rolled her eyes at him. AJ nodded, “Yeah we did…”

“But as you got older, you started drivin’ in your own busses?”

“Twang…” Nick laughed from the floor. “Drivin’…”

“Yeah…” AJ chuckled looking at Emma. “Why?”

“Well, the band all still shares a bus. And I can’t help but think that y.. you…” she said catching herself from saying y’all again. “Must get damn bored on the busses. Cause, like… as much as sometimes I want to strangle most of the band when we’re on bus trips… I can’t imagine bein’ stuck alone on the bus with no one else to talk to except the driver.” She looked at Nick, “Yes, I know… I said bein’…” He laughed and blew her a kiss with a wink.

“It gets a little dull sometimes…” Nick answered. “But I think we earned it after the billions of miles we logged squeezed onto one bus for years.”

“Yeah, and Nick’s a fucking slob…” AJ laughed.

“He is too…” Nick said with a laugh.

“I know he is…” Emma smiled. “But don’t you get bored?”

“Well it’s not always just us and the drivers…” AJ said. “Sometimes we have friends or family visiting…”

“And other times we’ll have a magazine doing an article so they’ll come on the bus with us and talk to us and take pictures…” Nick added.

Emma nodded but shrugged, “Still seems like a whole lotta lonely on those huge busses without anyone to hang out with.” No one objected and they all sort of sat in silence for a minute before anyone spoke again.

“How about the next road trip we all ride together?” Nick asked from the floor.

Emma chuckled, “That would be the true test… Hanging out here is one thing, but being locked in a bus for hours on end is something different.”

“I can handle it…” Nick smiled.

“Me too…”

“Cool… then when we hit the road again, we’ll go together. I think we’ve got quite a few road trips in a row once we leave here…”

“Where the hell are we?” Nick laughed.

“Texas…” AJ said.

“New Mexico…” Emma said correcting him.

“We are not in New Mexico…” AJ laughed.

“Yeah we are. We drove through Okalahoma to get here. We don’t hit Texas until after we do Arizona, Nevada and California.”

“We are not in New Mexico…” AJ said shaking his head.

“I think she’s right, man…” Nick said.

“Shut up… Why would we skip Texas like that?”

“Hell if I know…” Emma said and shrugged. “But we did. Texas is right before Christmas.”

“Dude, I don’t even know what month it is most of the time. But I believe you…” Nick said with a laugh.

AJ shook his head again and sighed looking utterly confused as he looked down the couch at Emma. She chuckled at him, “Trust me, if I know anything, it’s when we’ll be in Texas.”

Nick, who’d been throwing the bottle cap up in the air and catching it, completely missed the cap and it hit him in the forehead before he looked at Emma, “Texas…”

She laughed, “Yes?”

“You’re from Texas… I once knew this chick that was from Texas and she used to drop the g’s off of words too… It was damn sexy too.”

Emma smiled and raised her soda to him in a salute, “Very good, Blondie.”

“You’re from Texas?” AJ asked.

“Yeah…” she nodded and smiled at him.

“Where in Texas?” Nick asked.

“Nick… stop being so fucking nosy…” AJ sighed.

Emma gave AJ a wink and then looked at Nick, “Houston…”

“We’re going to Houston aren’t we?” he asked her.

“Yup…”

“That’s why you know what date we’re going to be there… cause you’ll be home.”

She nodded, “Something like that…”

“Cool…” he said and found his cap and began tossing it again. “You gunna visit family and shit?”

“Nick…” AJ said in a warning tone that nearly made Emma chuckle.

“Whaat?” Nick groaned. “I’m just getting to know the girl…”

“You’re being annoying…”

“No you’re not…” Emma laughed. “But no, I’m not going to be visiting anyone.”

“Why not?”

Emma could tell AJ was about ready to blow his top but she nudged him with her foot that was still in his lap. She shot him a look telling him that it was okay, and he didn’t say anything to Nick. She looked toward Nick, “No one to visit.”

“Isn’t it your home though?”

“It was.”

He stopped playing with the cap and rolled onto his side propping his head on his hand, “Go on…”

“I left Houston and haven’t been back since.”

“How long ago?”

“Little over a year.”

“Why’d you leave?”

“I needed something different.”

“But what about your friends and family and stuff?”

She could feel AJ’s hands resting on her feet and somehow that calmed her knowing that he was right there, even though what she was telling Nick she knew AJ had never heard either. Had Nick drilled her like this without AJ around though, she would have been long gone. “There isn’t any family left, and any friends that I might have had, I alienated when I left, I’m sure.”

“Why?”

“They didn’t know I was leaving.”

“So you just left. No one knew and you just disappeared?”

“Pretty much.”

“Don’t you think someone is worried about you? Wondering where you went?”

“No…” she said softly and looked at the ceiling as she laid her head back against the arm of the couch.

“I’d look for you…”

She smiled, “Thanks…”

“Seriously though… what happened? Why did you leave?”

She paused for a moment and then began speaking again after a deep breath, “Houston wasn’t home anymore for me. It was just a blaring reminder of how shitty life can be. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I left. I packed up what I needed, went to the airport and got on the first plane I could get a ticket for.”

“Where’d you end up?”

“Atlanta. I stayed there for a while, and then kept going south from there. Jacksonville, some little town that I can’t remember the name of… then I ended up in Orlando where I figured it couldn’t be hard to get a job with all of the tourist shit around. I was going to head off to Tampa or somewhere on the coast, but then I met Skinner and before I knew it, I was on this tour.”

“Wow…” Nick said quietly as he looked at Emma.

“Yeah…” she said softly and looked at AJ. She saw the concern in his eyes mixed with the relief that came with learning a little more about her. She smiled at him, “So I know we’re not in Texas…”
Chapter 24 by BeTheStage

24

I looked at Emma asleep at the opposite end of the couch and my mind overflowed with questions. Who was she? Why did she leave home a year ago without telling anyone? Why was she so secretive? Who or what had hurt her so much? Frankly, it was driving me nuts.

Nick sat on the floor with his back against the couch in between Emma and me. He’d been playing video games and finally gave up with a yawn, “I’m getting way too tired to focus on this damn game…” He turned around to face me and leaned against the coffee table that was covered in food wrappers from our earlier dinner. “So tell me something…”

“What?”

“Were you trying to keep her a secret on purpose?”

“Who, Emma?”

“Yeah…”

“I wasn’t keeping her a secret.”

“Bullshit… you were too. You practically disappeared when you weren’t on stage or working. You spend all of your free time with her, and I totally get it now. She’s cool, man. She’s funny, interesting, sexy…”

I shrugged, “Yeah, but I wasn’t keeping her secret. She’s a private sort of person, I wasn’t about to scare her off by asking her to hang out with your crazy ass.”

Nick laughed and looked at Emma sleeping, “She’s gorgeous…”

I nodded, “Yeah…”

“Strange how she left home though. I wonder what’s up with that?”

“I’ve no idea. Tonight was the first I’d heard of that. I knew she’d been on the road when she met Skinner, but I didn’t realize how long she’d been moving around. I doubt it that Skinner even knows.”

“Skinner doesn’t know shit about her. I asked him about her once and he was useless…”

I nodded again, “That’s how she works. She likes to keep things private. I think that with her, most people just get the bare minimum of information. Just enough to carry on a conversation, but not really know who she is.”

Nick nodded, “I can see that about her. Although she told us quite a bit tonight… I guess she trusts us huh?”

“I guess so…” I looked at Emma again, all of the questions ran through my head all over again.

“I like her…” Nick finally said after a moment of us both watching her sleep. “No more hogging Tee Shirt Girl to yourself.”
Chapter 25 by BeTheStage

25

Emma woke up to the sound of Nick and AJ talking quietly. When she realized that they were talking about her she decided to keep her eyes closed a little longer. She heard Nick say that he liked her and she wanted to chuckle, but held it back.

“I’m not hogging her…” AJ said with a groan. “I told you, she’s a private person. I wasn’t about to fuck things up by bringing you along.”

“Oh like I’m such a horrible person to have around…” Nick laughed. “Thanks, man, I love you too.”

“Blow me…” AJ sighed. “You know what I mean.”

“I don’t want to blow you, dude. Stop asking.”

“Nope…” AJ said with a chuckle.

There was a lull in the conversation so Emma took the opportunity to make a point of stretching before she opened her eyes. As her eyes opened she noticed that both of the guys were watching her. She chuckled and rubbed her eyes with a yawn, “How long have you two been sitting here staring at me? I’d think you’d get a little bored…”

Nick smiled and shook his head, “Nah… you’re fun to watch.”

Emma rolled her eyes, “Whatever…” She sat up and ran her hands over her arms, “I’m freezing, and I’m staying here tonight, so I’m going into the bedroom where there are blankets.” She stood up and began making her way to the bedroom.

“I’m right behind you…” she heard Nick say.

“Isn’t your room right across the hall?” she laughed at him. She pulled the covers back on the bed she knew that AJ wasn’t using, and Nick stood on the other side of the bed pulling the other half of the blankets back.

“Isn’t yours next door?” he laughed back at her.

She paused and made a face, “Point taken.”

He laughed at her and watched as she stripped her tee shirt off and threw it to the floor leaving her in her tank top. “Wait a minute, you just said that you were freezing. Why the hell are you taking clothes off, then?”

“I can’t sleep in tee shirts with sleeves. I get all tangled up and claustrophobic in them.”

“Me too…” AJ said as he joined them in the bedroom and began pulling his own sleeved shirt off.

“Y’all are weird…” Nick laughed and got into the bed.

“Takes one to know one…” Emma said and yawned. She got into bed as well and looked at Nick. “You try and grope me at any point in the night I’ll wound you without even waking up. Got it?”

Nick laughed and AJ, who’d sat down on his own bed chuckled, “She’s telling you the truth…”

“What about cuddling?” Nick asked. “I sometimes cuddle without even knowing it if someone is in bed with me.”

“I don’t cuddle.”

“Oh come on, all girls cuddle. It’s like genetic or something…” he laughed.

“I don’t cuddle.”

AJ stepped in, “Dude, we fell asleep one afternoon and while we were napping I happened to wrap my arm around her waist. I woke up on the floor. She has this kung fu reflex thing and just BAM! Next thing you know, you’re on the floor rubbing your ass.”

Emma smiled at the memory and then looked at Nick again, “I don’t cuddle.”

“Okay then…” Nick laughed. “But if I do it on accident, try not to hurt me too much. We’ve got a concert tomorrow you know?”

“Yeah, yeah…” she said and yawned yet again as she closed her eyes and wrapped up in the blanket finally warming up slightly.

“Goodnight, Tee Shirt Girl…” Nick chuckled.

“Stop calling me that.”

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll be forced to call you asshole every time you call me that.”

AJ laughed from his bed, “That’s a perfect name for him. I call him that quite a bit.”

“Oh fuck you…” Nick laughed.

“Later…” AJ laughed and turned the light off. “Goodnight, Nick.”

“Night…”

“Night, Emma…” AJ said and closed his eyes.

She smiled with her eyes closed, “Goodnight…”

Nick chuckled, “Goodnight, Tee Shirt Girl…”

“Goodnight, Asshole…”

Chapter 26 by BeTheStage

26

Emma woke the next morning with that first-thing-in-the-morning-confusion that comes with sleeping in a different bed nearly every night. She paused for a moment to try and remember where they were that day. New Mexico.

The second item to figure out that morning was just whose arm was wrapped snugly around her waist, and why it was still there. She thought hard about the previous night and remembered going to bed lying next to Nick. She also remembered telling him that she didn’t cuddle. And yet, there he was pressed up against her back, arm wrapped around her body, and not only hadn’t she pushed him out of the bed, but she hadn’t even noticed that he’d done it. Or maybe she had, but for some unknown reason she let him do it.

Whatever the reason, she now felt the desire to get away and carefully slid off of the bed onto the floor. She sat on the floor quietly watching as Nick stirred and she willed him to stay asleep. When he rolled over and wrapped his arm around a pillow she let out the breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding, and grabbed her tee shirt from the floor before quietly making her way out of the room.

It wasn’t until she’d pushed her head through the neck of the shirt that she realized that she wasn’t alone in the room. “Fuck me…” she said as she literally jumped as she saw AJ sitting on the couch looking at her.

He laughed, “Good morning to you too…”

She put her hand over her heart and took a few deep breaths, “You scared me. I thought that lump in the bed back there was you.”

“Blankets and pillows…” he smiled. “Sneaking off without saying goodbye?”

She shook her head and sat down next to him to pull her shoes on, “I was going to write a note.”

“What’s the rush?”

“Meeting…” she mumbled as she tied her shoes.

“You have meetings?” he asked.

“Not often. I think they fired one of the other girls for stealing merchandize. So they’re probably introducing a new person or telling us we have to cover all of her shifts as a team. I’m supposed to be at the venue in about an hour, so I’ve gotta run.”

“Weird…” AJ said.

“What?” she laughed. “Tee Shirt Girls aren’t allowed to have meetings?”

“No… it’s not that… I just… I dunno. I never imagined that you guys had meetings to sit through.”

“Yeah I know… show up, sell tee shirts, go back to the hotel…” she chuckled. “We aren’t all as lucky as you, AJ.”

“Emma…” he sighed and she laughed at the face he made. “I didn’t mean it that way…”

“ I know…” she smiled and patted his knee. “I’ll see ya…”

“Lunch after sound check?”

She nodded, “Certainly… I’ll be around somewhere. If you can’t find me, just call me.”

“Cool…” he nodded.

She stood up and as she walked toward the door she noticed Nick curled up asleep in the other room. She smiled and looked back at AJ who’d gotten up to see her to the door, “Tell Nick I… well, tell him I said bye.”

AJ smiled and nodded holding the door open as Emma stepped out into the hall. He’d seen Nick’s arm comfortably wrapped around Emma when he got up that morning. He’d also seen just how okay with it Emma seemed as they both slept soundly. “I’ll tell him… have fun at your meeting.”

She twirled her finger in the air, “The exciting life of a Tee Shirt Girl…”

They laughed, said goodbye, and then parted ways. Emma thinking about how soundly she’d slept, and AJ wondering if having Nick around more often might not be such a bad idea after all.
Chapter 27 by BeTheStage

27

“Sleep well last night?” Nick whispered into Emma’s ear after having slid up behind her silently.

She startled and pushed him away while backing away from him. When she realized it was Nick she let out a sigh and ran her fingers through her hair. “Sorry…”

Nick chuckled somewhat uncomfortably and shook his head, “I didn’t mean to scare you like that… I’m sorry.”

Emma inwardly cursed the venue they were in for being smoke free and she picked up a box of merchandise to keep her shaking hands busy. She prepared their most popular items putting the best sellers right where she needed them. Selling concert merchandise had its own science to it, and she’d figured it out to the smallest detail. “I’m not real big on people surprising me… It’s okay, you didn’t know.”

Nick watched her and noticed her trembling hands. He felt like dirt on shit for scaring her, it was the last thing he’d wanted to do. “Well I’m still sorry… That was stupid of me.”

She managed a smile and shook her head, “No it wasn’t… just don’t do it again unless you want to see me have a heart attack.”

He nodded, “Deal…”

She went back to sorting magnets by the picture on them and momentarily looked up at Nick, “I did… sleep well last night.”

He smiled at her as she looked back to her sorting, “Oh yeah?”

“Don’t let it go to your head…” she said with a smirk, never looking up at the grin on Nick’s face.

“Who me?” he laughed.

She smiled and rolled her eyes, “Don’t you have a job to do?”

“Not for another couple of hours… I thought I’d come by, bug you a bit… maybe ask you to have lunch with me.”

“I’ve already got a lunch date…”

“You’ve gotta be shitting me… How did he get to you so fast?”

Emma chuckled, “Well first of all, he doesn’t sleep as late as you do. And second, even if he’d slept in… he has my phone number.”

“Any chance I can get you to cancel on him?”

“Nope.”

“Oh come on, Emma… You hang out with AJ all the time. Give me a chance.”

“I’m not canceling my plans with him to appease you.”

“Then have dinner with me after the concert tonight.”

“Busy…”

Nick groaned and Billy, his bodyguard who’d been standing nearby the whole time chuckled at him under his breath. Nick shot a look of death at Billy and then looked back to Emma, “Come on…”

Emma chuckled and smiled, “Just kidding. You can have dinner tonight, I suppose. Just don’t whine so much.”

A smile spread across Nick’s face that made his eyes seem to sparkle. Emma committed the image to memory hoping to sketch it to see if she could re-create that sparkle on paper. “Cool…”

She nodded and looked at the magnet in her hand that just so happened to have Nick’s face on it smiling up at her. She chuckled at the ironic nature of it and then smiled at him, “Cool…” As she put the last of the magnets where she wanted them she had just one thought.

What the hell am I doing?
Chapter 28 by BeTheStage

28

“You’re quiet today…” I told Emma as we sat outside of the venue and ate boxed lunches that had been delivered to us by a local caterer who was a fan. We’d somehow managed to find a spot where we could sit outside to eat, and smoke, without fans hanging over a wall ogling at us screaming my name and taking pictures of us with our mouths full of food.

“Am I?”

“Just a little bit. Looks like you’ve got something on your mind… anything you want to talk about?” I was going out on a limb, but I didn’t care.

She ate a pickle chip and shrugged, “I told Nick I’d have dinner with him tonight…”

I didn’t expect her to tell me what was on her mind, let alone tell me that she was going out to dinner with Nick… very interesting. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah… he found me after the sound check and wanted me to have lunch with him. But I told him I had plans with you and he promptly asked me to go to dinner with him.”

“And you said yes.” Duh. I knew she had, but I was apparently channeling all of my former therapists and their ways of repeating things I’d said so I could hear them back.

“I think I said it before I thought about it. Then he was grinning so big I couldn’t take it back.”

“Did you want to take it back?”

I watched her as she pushed potato salad around in a small plastic container with her fork. “I don’t know… not really. I just don’t want to give him the wrong idea.”

“Which would be, what?” Yes, I was practicing to be a therapist once my voice gave out and I couldn’t shake my moneymaker anymore.

She looked at me and smiled, “Are we playing therapist today?”

I laughed, “I didn’t mean to… Sometimes it just comes out that way.”

“It’s okay…” She put her fork down and then sat the rest of her lunch down on the grass between us. “I just get the impression that he’s a little more interested in me than he should be. And, well… you know how I am. I’m not exactly Miss. Social.”

“You’re more social than you were when I met you…” I told her with a gentle smile.

“Yeah…” Her voice was distant when she said it, kind of like she wasn’t sure about herself. I took it as my clue to stop pushing.

“You want this?” I asked her pointing to her uneaten food between us.

“Knock yourself out…” she said and nudged the box toward me.

I looked through her box for the pickle I knew she hadn’t eaten, “You draw anything today?”

That brought her smile back and she reached for her sketchbook that I noticed she pretty much always had with her. “Here…”

I opened the book up toward the back where I knew her newest sketches were and I found the drawings she’d showed me the day before. When I turned the page I found her new masterpiece and chuckled, “This is brilliant…”

“I was really bored in my meeting this morning and for some reason Marcus was in my head. I wanted to capture his softer side in the picture though, not the tough-guy bodyguard.”

I chuckled and called out to Marcus who was wandering about nearby, as usual. “Yo Marc?”

“Yeah?” he said as he looked over at us and shielded his face from the sun with his hand.

I motioned for him to come over and I smiled at Emma as she lit a cigarette and watched me. “Check this out…” I said to Marcus and held the book up to him.

“Holy shit…” he said with a rumbling chuckle. “Where’s this from?”

“Emma’s an artist…” Emma groaned as I called her an artist and took a drag of her cigarette. I winked at her and looked back to Marcus. “Good, huh?”

“Very good…” Marcus said with a nod and then looked at Emma. “May I look through this?”

She nodded ever so slightly and looked out across the scenery, “Sure…”

Marcus let out a soft whistle as he looked through the drawings in her book, “Wow…”

My eyes met Marcus’ as he looked at me over the edge of Emma’s book. He knew just as well as I had that what he was looking through was not the work of an amateur, nor someone who should have been selling tee shirts on a concert tour. I nodded at Marcus as if to say, “Yeah I know, I see it too…”

Once he was done looking through the book he handed it back to me and quietly thanked Emma for letting him see it. Then he went back to being the bodyguard and moved away so not to seem like an intruder. I always thought that being a bodyguard must have been the weirdest job, being a huge part of someone’s life like that. Knowing practically everything about them and yet not being a real part of things. Marcus was my friend though, over the years he’d become a really close friend to me. I never understood how he managed to shut off the natural tendency to be a part of my life when he was just supposed to be protecting me from rabid fans. He was a damn good listener though, and I knew that if I happened to ask him anything about Emma, he’d know all about it. He may look like he’s not paying attention to what I’m doing while he’s keeping watch, but he’s a lot better at it than you’d think.

“You got quiet on me again…”

Emma smiled and then turned her head to look at me, “Sorry…”

I shook my head, “No problem…”

“Tomorrow’s a road trip… did you and Nick give any more thought to the three of us sharing a bus?”

I laughed, “He mentioned it when he got up this morning. I think he’s going to actually make us go through with it.”

“It could prove to be rather interestin’…” she said with a shrug. “Several hours locked up together in a big moving room with no witnesses other than the bus driver.”

“Yeah, I guess…” I nodded and laughed at the images that flashed in my head.

“I just have one request though…”

“What’s that?”

She smiled and held up her half-gone cigarette, “We’ve gotta take your bus so we can smoke…”

Chapter 29 by BeTheStage

29

Emma bounced her knee and took a drag of her cigarette, “Thanks for letting us sit in smoking…”

“No problem. I’m used to hanging out with smokers,” Nick said with a smile as he looked across the table at her. They’d found a 24-hour Steak n’ Shake close to the hotel to have dinner at after the concert and after most of the post-concert fans had long since gone home or back to their own hotels.

“Have you ever smoked?” she asked and tried to will her bouncing knee to stop. It didn’t work.

“Oh yeah… when I’m not touring I usually smoke a little. Most of my friends from back home smoke, so when I’m with them I tend to fall back into the habit. But I don’t really like what it does to my voice so if I’m working I try not to do it. It works for AJ cause he has that naturally graveled voice to start with. But with me, it just sort of makes me sound like shit.”

Emma laughed and nodded, “So does it bug you to be around me and AJ when we’re both smoking like crazy?”

“Nope…”

“You don’t ever just want to light up?”

“Sure… but I don’t.” He smiled and shrugged.

“You’re a stronger person than I am… Hell, you could mention cigarettes and I’d want one.”

“How long have you smoked?”

“Collectively about 5 years, no… probably six. I smoked all through high school and then quit when I got to college. But I started back up about two years ago.”

“So you’d stopped for how many years?”

“Four…” she said and nodded. “Horrible isn’t it? I didn’t even crave them anymore after four years.”

“So why’d you start back up then?”

“Long story…” she said with a slight smile that Nick returned.

“AJ told me you were a pretty private chick…”

“You could say that…” she said with a nod and put out the rest of her cigarette.

Nick chuckled and shook his head, “Don’t you know that when you’re secretive it just makes people want to know you even more?”

“Maybe that’s my whole plan…” she said in a mock whisper.

He laughed, “Nah… not you. I think it’s real with you, not some act. But it certainly has me intrigued.”

“I wouldn’t waste my time being intrigued if I were you… there’s nothing that’s so special about me.”

“I bet there is.”

“Yeah, I’m an undercover N’Sync fan who is doing research on your tour so that if they ever tour again they can steal all of your moves,” she said with a laugh and rolled her eyes.

Nick rolled his eyes as well, “Sure you are… I doubt you even know an N’Sync song, let alone one of ours.”

“I know plenty of yours… it’s all I hear at work every night.”

Nick laughed, “Oh yeah… But still. You don’t seem the kind of girl who likes pop music that much.”

She shrugged, “I like music in general, labels are stupid.”

“Yeah they are…” Their food came and after a few minutes of eating quietly Nick looked across to Emma, “So tell me something about you.”

“Nothing to tell…” she said and took a bite of her cheeseburger.

“Bullshit…” he laughed.

“Let me rephrase it then. Nothing I’ll be telling…”

“Ahh… Secret Tee Shirt Girl.”

“Yeah…” she said and flashed a quick smile.

“You’re going to let me buy you dinner and still not tell me anything about yourself?”

“Basically, yes.”

“So what do I get out of the deal?”

“Companionship.”

“I can get companionship anytime I need it… you saw all of those chicks who wanted me when we walked in.”

“Let alone the gaggle of them swarming the hotel…” Emma added.

“Exactly. So I think you owe me more than companionship in exchange for dinner,” he said with a teasing smirk.

“Like what?”

“Like… I don’t know. More than what you’re giving me, though.” He chuckled and she gave him a small smile.

“What do you get from other chicks when you buy them dinner?”

“Well I’d at least get to touch her without her warning me that if I grope her in the middle of the night she’ll wound me.”

They both laughed, “You did touch me last night and I didn’t wound you.”

“So technically this is back pay? Because you didn’t wound me I’m buying you dinner…”

“Something like that.”

“What if I buy you dessert? Do I get to touch you again?”

She held the gaze that he shot at her trying to be overtly sexy, “Maybe…” He choked on the drink of soda he’d taken and she laughed at him, “Strong stuff, huh?

He caught his breath and regained his cool, “I didn’t expect you to say that.”

“What did you expect me to say then?” she asked and continued to eat her food calmly.

“Something like, ‘Think again, Asshole.’”

She laughed, “That would have been a good one.”

“But still… I didn’t expect you to say maybe.”

“I’m full of surprises.”

“I guess so…” he nodded trying to figure out just where their conversation was heading. He looked at his fries for a minute and then cocked his head as he looked at her again, “What did you mean by maybe?”

“It just means maybe…”

“So let’s say I walk you back to your room tonight, and I try to give you a kiss. You’ll either let me kiss you, or you’ll punch me in the face.”

“Exactly…” she laughed.

“How am I supposed to know?”

“That’s the trouble with maybe… you don’t know. You either take the risk or you don’t.”

“Are you trying to play me?” he asked with a smile.

“Maybe.”

“You want me to kiss you don’t you?”

“Maybe,” she said with a straight face and kept eating.

“You’re trying to be all nonchalant about it and act like you don’t care, but really you want me to rip your clothes off and get freaky with you all night long…” he laughed.

“Maybe.”

“So is that all you’re going to say for the rest of the night?”

“Maybe.”

“Are you trying to drive me crazy?”

“Maybe.”

“Do you think it’s going to work?”

“Maybe.”

“And what if I decided to take that risk right here instead of waiting to do it at the hotel? Would you hit me then?”

“Maybe.”

He slid out of his side of the booth and into hers then pushed her plate away from her reach. She watched him as his eyes looked over her and into her before he reached out and gently traced his fingertips over her lips. She didn’t flinch and when she didn’t he almost lost his nerve and pulled back thinking that maybe she really would punch him in the face if he kissed her. He didn’t exactly know the girl, not at all. Before he could chicken out, however, he cupped her face in his hands and laid a kiss on her.

By the time he pulled his mouth from hers he’d memorized the taste and the feel of her tongue. He’d felt her hands as they’d held onto his waist pulling his tee shirt into her fists. He’d swallowed the sighing sound that had tried to escape her throat as he’d given her the best kiss he could dream up to sweep her off of her feet, so to speak at least. With one last nibble of her bottom lip between his teeth he pulled back just enough to look into her eyes and spoke in a whisper, “Do you want to get out of here?”

With her heart beating fast and the taste of his kiss still on her tongue she looked at him and nodded, “Yeah…”

Chapter 30 by BeTheStage

30

Waking the next morning Emma felt a sense of déjà vu’. Except on this occasion, the arm of Nick’s that was wrapped snugly around her was attached to his naked body. His bare legs were entwined with hers and his tee shirt that he’d worn to dinner the night before was covering the top three quarters of her body. She used the same sliding out of the bed onto the floor technique that she’d use the morning before and waited to move until she was sure Nick wasn’t going to wake up. She then crawled around the room looking for her clothes only to find them in the other room in a haphazard pile near the door of his suite.

Standing up near the door knowing that Nick would never be able to see her from the bed even if he’d been awake, she pulled on her jeans as quickly as possible and grabbed her bra and panties from the floor wrapping them in the shirt that she’d worn to dinner.

A jolt rushed through her body as she reached to open the door and she reminisced about just why their clothing hadn’t made it much further into the room. They themselves hadn’t made it much further into the room either. In fact, in retrospect she thought that Nick’s bodyguard Billy probably could have had a pretty good listen to just exactly what she and Nick did against that door if he’d lingered at all before going to his own room. She felt her cheeks blush hot both with embarrassment as well as intimate memory of the things they’d done with one another not only at the door but also in the rest of the suite. Then, with a run of her fingers through her hair to bring her back to the present, she grabbed the door handle and quietly slid from the room leaving Nick snoring in his bed.

Chapter 31 by BeTheStage

31

“What’s up with you this morning? You seem, different.” I watched Emma as she paced around outside of my bus as we were waiting to set off on the next road trip.

“What do you mean? I’m not different, I’m still the same.”

“Sure you are…” I laughed and took a drag of my own cigarette. “You’re like… awake or something. Super alert. And you’re pacing…”

She rolled her eyes at me but kept pacing, “I’m not pacing…” I chuckled and started following her until she looked at me, “What the hell are you doing?”

“Pacing with you…”

She pushed me before laughing and plopping herself on the ground. “Sit with me…”

I pointed to my bus, “I have a really expensive bus over there and you’re asking me to sit on the ground? It’s a parking lot Em…”

“Sit!”

“Yes, ma’am…” I chuckled and sat down next to her. Marcus meanwhile chuckled and kept his watch for fans. “So…”

“I spent the night with Nick…” she sighed and looked at me.

I chuckled and nodded, “And is this good or bad?”

“Both.”

“He’s gunna be here in a few minutes and then we’re stuck on the bus together for hours… you better start talking.”

She finished her cigarette and I lit another one for her with a smile. “Thanks…” She took a minute and then started talking. “We had fun. Lots. But… I mean, I’m not looking for a relationship or anything… And I don’t know if he is, but I kind of get the impression that… Well, like he can screw random chicks as long as he doesn’t know them… but once he knows a girl she can’t just be a fuck.”

“And he knows you…” I said with a nod.

“Yeah…” she said with a sigh. “He’s nice…”

“Yup… he is…”

“I don’t want to hurt him.”

“Who says you’re going to hurt him, though?” I asked.

“History…”

“Cryptic answer…” I chuckled and she smiled at me.

“For all the same reasons I didn’t want to be your friend at first. I… I let you in, and it’s been good, but it still goes against everything that I know. I can’t let him in too.”

“Maybe you need to reconsider the rules you have set up for yourself. Maybe they worked for a while, but now they need to be updated a bit.”

She shook her head and looked at the parking lot we were sitting on. “I can’t…” She looked at me, “I changed the rules for you and I’m glad I did. But I can’t do it again. That’s way too much for me. And I know you don’t understand why I have these rules, but I just can’t break them anymore. I’ve been breaking them too much lately and before long it’s going to backfire on me. I can feel it.”

I watched her green eyes as she looked at me and I wondered, yet again, just what had hurt her so badly in her past. “So… what’re you going to do about Nick then?”

“I have no idea.”

I smiled and wrapped my arm around her shoulder pulling her into a partial hug, “We’ll figure it out together okay?”

She surprised me and wrapped her arm around my waist and hugged me back with a chuckle. “If you start singing That’s What Friends Are For, I’m going to vomit.”

Chapter 32 by BeTheStage

32

I wasn’t sure at first what the idea of Emma sleeping with Nick did to me. On one hand I’d seen in one night how he’d managed to open her up to talk about her past and even managed to cuddle with her. On the other hand, I knew better than he did how fragile she was and I was worried about her. I didn’t want him falling for her and ending up scaring her away from me in the process. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t think Emma was attractive. She was a beautiful girl and quite regularly I found myself stealing glances that lasted a little too long. Part of me was jealous that Nick had slept with her. Mostly though, I just wanted to help her. I wanted to be her friend and help her be happy, no matter what had happened to her in the past, and I didn’t want Nick getting in the way of that.

Our road trip started out a little odd. I could tell right away that Emma and Nick weren’t sure how to act around each other. They’d crossed a big line and then were going to be stuck in a bus for hours on end with each other. It would have made anyone nervous. After a while though, as well as a lot of caffeine, things went back to what I consider normal, at least for the three of us.

“Think fast…” Emma called out and ended up hitting Nick in the head with an orange that she’d thrown at him.

I cracked up, Emma did too, while Nick rubbed his head and pouted while trying not to laugh. “New rule, no throwing food at each other that can cause injury…”

“That’s a lame rule…” Emma laughed and sat down next to me peeling her own orange. “I veto it.”

“Me too…” I agreed and took half of her orange. We’d been making up rules for our road trip the entire time we’d been on the bus, but if two of us vetoed the rule, it wasn’t added to the list. So far on the trip, we’d made five rules.

1. If you’re going to be a baby about losing, no video games for you.

2. When smoking on the bus, open a window so not to ruin Nick’s voice.

3. Don’t leave your big ass heavy shoes in the middle of the walkway for Emma to trip over.

4. When throwing Koosh balls, never throw them toward the front of the bus where they might hit the bus driver in the head and piss him off.

5. Everyone must be referred to by his or her special road trip nickname when on the bus.

Seventeen other rules had been successfully vetoed.

“I don’t think a rule about avoiding injury is lame…” Nick said with a whine while he peeled his orange.

“I told you to think fast. You asked me for an orange… it’s your own damn fault you got biffed in the head. Had I thrown the orange at you without any warning or without you asking for it… that would be another issue all together. Your rule is lame, and vetoed.”

“Nicely put, Miss Monkey Tits…” I laughed.

Emma smiled at me and nodded, “Thank you, Sir Smokes A Lot. Although Mister Elephant Dick doesn’t believe our veto was warranted, I appreciate your support.”

Like I said, the bus trip was normal for the three of us, not necessarily normal for anyone else.

Chapter 33 by BeTheStage

33

Phoenix is hot, and yeah I know, they’re always saying how it’s a dry heat so it’s not as bad… but whatever, it’s still fucking hot. I love warm weather, but I don’t think anyone could pay me enough money to live in Phoenix. It’s just too hot.

We survived the bus trip together without anyone suffering any major damage, and surprisingly enough we were all still speaking to each other at the end of the trip too. So in all, the road trip was a success.

Later that evening at the hotel when we’d all spent a few hours apart sleeping in our respective rooms, I decided to find Emma and see what she was keeping herself busy with. Being the lazy ass that I am, I called her cell phone instead of going down the hall to see if she was in her room.

“Miss me?” she chuckled as she answered the phone after two rings.

“Horribly…” I laughed and lit a cigarette. “What are you up to?”

“Same as you. Sitting on my ass and smoking a cig.”

“I’ll have you know I’m standing up right now…”

We both laughed, “Whatever, Big Spender… so what’s up?”

“I’m bored.”

“Oh so you call me?” she laughed. I loved hearing her laugh, it meant she was in a good mood. Emma in a good mood was always a great thing. “Didn’t you ever hear the quote, ‘For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill? Seek him always with hours to live…’”

“No, I haven’t, but I like it…” I told her with a smile. “You hungry?”

“I could eat…” she told me and I could hear her taking a drag of her cigarette. I did the same with my own and looked out of the window at the city. “Here in the hotel, or out?”

“Out… I’m getting claustrophobic.”

“You spent like half the day on a bus, and now that you’re in a hotel you’re claustrophobic? You’re weird.”

“I never claimed to be normal…” I laughed.

“True…”

“I’ll call Marcus then I’ll come by your room and get you, okay?”

“Cool beans…”

I smiled to myself, she was definitely in a good mood. “I’m out…”

Chapter 34 by BeTheStage

34

Emma checked her hair in the mirror after putting the last of her cigarette out then began putting on her shoes. As she filled her pockets with a room key, lighter, cash, and the appropriate ID’s, Skinner looked at her and raised an eyebrow at her. “Going out?”

“Yeah…”

“Where to?”

“Dinner.”

“With which of your new toys?” he laughed.

“Excuse me?” she asked as she turned to look at him.

“You’ve certainly moved up in the world. Forget about hanging with the band when you can sleep with the headliners.” She rolled her eyes at him and kept grabbing her things to leave. “Oh come on, Em. I know you’re fucking them. Why the hell else would they hang out with you so much? I just never took AJ and Nick for the threesome sort of guys. Answer me this, when you fucked them on the bus ride today did you at least do it with the bedroom door shut? Or did you let the bus driver watch?”

Emma’s stomach churned with anger but she knew better than to argue with Skinner. Like it or not, he was the reason she was on the tour and wouldn’t out it past him to somehow make sure that she wasn’t on the tour if he was pissed off enough at her. She picked up her cell phone from the bed and slid it into her back pocket all the while looking at Skinner, “Jealous?”

“Sure I am…” he said with a laugh that made her sick to her stomach. “I’ve been trying to get into your pants for months. Guess I have to be a pretty boy pop star in order to get some from you though, huh?”

“Skin,” she said just as she heard AJ’s knock on the door of the room.

“Yeah?” he asked with a grin.

“Go fuck yourself, why don’t you?” she asked then turned promptly to leave the room.

When she opened the door to find AJ and Marcus in the hall she heard Skinner yell out to her, “It’s no fun if you’re not here to watch, Emma!” She rolled her eyes as she shut the door behind her and cut him off from making any other comments to her. She sighed and looked up at AJ, “Hey…”

“Hey…” AJ said back and immediately had his concerned face on. “You alright?”

She nodded, “Yeah… peachy. Let’s get the hell out of here though.”

Chapter 35 by BeTheStage

35

I had a fucking Patrick Swayze song in my head. I picked up Emma and it had been all of like two minutes since I’d spoken to her on the phone, but when she walked out of her room she was already in a bad mood again. So I thought to myself that her moods change like the wind. Which, of course, led to me singing “She’s Like The Wind” in my head over and over again. Fucking driving me crazy.

“What’s up with you?” Emma asked me as we looked over our menus at the restaurant we’d decided to eat at that night.

“Huh?” I said looking up at her.

“You look like you want to rip your own eyes out or something…” she said with a slight chuckle. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

I laughed and shook my head, “Bad song stuck in my head… It’s driving me crazy.” ‘She’s like the night next to meeee…’

She laughed, “Don’t tell me what it is.”

“I won’t…” I smiled back at her, glad to see her smiling again. “How you doin?” ‘She leaves me the moonlight only to burn me with the sunnnn…’ Fucking song, I didn’t even know all of the words. ‘She don’t know what she’s done…’

“I’m doin…” she said with her best New York accent and nodded. I chuckled and she smiled at me, “Sorry I was so quiet in the car.”

“No problem…” I said shaking my head. “It’s cool. But you’re okay?”

“Yeah… Skinner’s just an asshole. It’s nothing new.”

“I’ve got a question for you…” I said before I could censor myself. ‘I feel her breath in my face, do do do… her body close to me… do do do…’ I slapped my self in the head, “Stupid song… get out!” Emma laughed at me and I rolled my eyes, “Sorry… but yeah, I have a question.”

“Okay.”

“Do you really want to room with Skinner? Cause you know, he’s not really nice to you all that much, and you’re not really friends with him. I can arrange it for you to have your own room for the rest of the tour, or hell… you can even stay with me.” I shrugged and fiddled with the napkin on the table in front of me, “You don’t have to stay with Skinner, if you don’t want to.”

She was quiet for a while and then sighed and shook her head, “I appreciate the offer. But I’m alright. No need to get me a room or gain yourself a roommate. Half of the time he’s off screwing some groupie and I barely see him.”

I nodded even though I really didn’t understand her logic. I couldn’t understand why she’d voluntarily stay with Skinner even though he clearly rubbed her the wrong way. “Okay… Well, the offer stands. So if you ever change your mind, or even if he’s just being a dick and you want to get away from him for the night… just call me okay?” ‘Just a fool to believe I am anything she needs… she’s like the wind…’

She nodded and looked down at her menu again, “Okay… thanks.”

“You’re welcome…” I said and spent the next few minutes just watching her. When she finally looked up from her menu at me I chuckled and looked away, “Sorry…”

“Do I have a bug on my head or something?” she teased.

“No. I was just watching you.” I shrugged again and wished we’d chosen a smoking table instead of the non-smoking one we were at.

“You’re odd…” she said with a smile and put her menu down.

“Yeah…” I agreed and then laughed. The Swayze song led to Dirty Dancing quotes, I was going mad. ‘I carried a watermelon…’

“What are you thinking?”

“That our waiter is going to lose his tip soon if he doesn’t take our order…” I chuckled. “And I was wondering about you.” ‘No one puts Baby in the corner…’ I pinched my leg under the table to try and focus on the conversation I was having with Emma instead of quoting old movies and bad songs in my head.

“What about me?”

“Everything…”

She shook her head, “Didn’t I tell you that you can’t handle my ‘everything?’”

“Yeah, but if you haven’t figured it out yet… I’m not a real strong listener. Well, no… I listen, I just don’t, you know… I don’t pay attention to what I’m listening to. I’m a stubborn bastard.” And I quote movies in my head while having serious conversations, I’m a horrible, horrible person.

She smiled at me again which made me feel better and she began gently drumming her spoon on the table. She looked at me silently as she drummed and then cocked her head slightly to the side, “Five questions… use them wisely.”

“I get to ask you five questions?” I asked with heightened curiosity as I leaned forward.

“Now you have four…” she laughed.

“Fuck…” I groaned and slapped myself in the head again. I sighed and thought about the hundreds of questions that I wanted to ask her and tried to figure out what to ask. I thought about it for a minute and she waited while still drumming out a beat on the table as she watched me. “Why won’t you take a room of your own or at least room with me?”

She shrugged and stopped drumming, “He’s a challenge. With Skinner I never know what’s going to happen. Sometimes he makes me laugh and other times he makes me want to believe in violence. Plus, he’s the reason I got on this tour in the first place…”

I still didn’t get it, but I nodded. Three more questions to go. “Was Nick good in bed?”

She laughed and blushed slightly, “Yeah.”

“Do… wait…” I said and stopped myself to think about my question again. I only had two left and didn’t want to fuck up and waste the opportunity. “Do you have family in Texas?”

I knew it was crossing one of her lines, but I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to know why she left home to roam around the country and shack up with people like Skinner. She looked at the spoon in her hand and nodded slightly, “In a sense, yes.”

I could tell that was all I was going to get out of her on the subject so I didn’t push it any further. I paused again and thought of my last question and smiled at her, “Will you spend the night tonight?”

A smile slowly spread over her face and she looked up at me over the spoon. “Sure.”

Chapter 36 by BeTheStage

36

Emma was laughing so hard that tears were falling down her cheeks. She couldn’t have explained what it was that made her laugh so hard, but something had started a full-on giggle fit and she couldn’t stop it. Meanwhile AJ, who was also giggling although not as hard, ran to the bathroom before all of the soda that they’d been drinking all night came back to haunt him in a bad way. A knock on the door interrupted their giggling and Emma got up from her spot on the couch to answer it.

She peeked through the peephole and when she saw who was on the other side of the door she opened it, still laughing. “Hey…”

“Hey, yourself…” Nick laughed with a smile. “I didn’t expect you to open the door. I did come to AJ’s room didn’t I?”

“Yeah, he’s in the bathroom trying not to piss his pants…” she laughed and started to tear up all over again. AJ meanwhile yelled something from the bathroom that neither she nor Nick understood but Emma laughed heartily over. “Come on in…”

Emma showed Nick into the room and locked the door once again before taking her spot on the couch and changing the channel on the TV. AJ joined them after a flush was heard and as soon as he walked into the room Emma began laughing all over again. AJ shook his head at her and nodded at Nick, “What’s up?”

“Nothing, I just got bored in my room… I thought I’d stop by and see what you were up to.”

AJ threw a piece of popcorn at Emma, “Just telling stories that apparently make Emma laugh until she cries…”

Nick watched Emma wipe her eyes with her fingertips and smiled, “I guess so…”

Emma took a deep breath and tried to stop laughing then took a drink of her soda from the table. She then looked at her watch, “You boys ever dance? You know, when you’re not paid to?” Both men nodded and mumbled some sort of yes answers and then laughed. Emma rolled her eyes but smiled, “Such conversationalists you are… Anyway, let’s go dancing.”

“Now?” AJ and Nick asked together.

“No, in four days… Yes, now. It’s not even close to being closing time for most places, come on…” She stood up and looked at her hair in the mirror hanging above the desk in the suite. She ran her fingers through it and then tugged at the hem of the vintage tee she had on. “Come on…” she groaned when she turned around and both Nick and AJ were still sitting down.

“We’d have to wake up security…” Nick said and shook his head. “Billy would kill me if I called him in the middle of the night because I wanted to go dancing. Plus, it’s our last night here. Tomorrow we’ll be in Vegas… we can go dancing tomorrow.”

Emma rolled her eyes and looked at AJ, “Are you going to be that lame too?”

AJ laughed and shrugged, “I don’t know… I…”

“Oh for crying out loud… I know you two are famous,” she said making quotation marks with her fingers in the air. “But you’re also adults. We sneak out the back door, grab a cab, go to a club, and come back before security wakes up. Or are you too scared to go out alone?”

AJ rolled his eyes and stood up, “You don’t have to be mean…” He smiled and checked himself in the mirror before turning to her. “I’m good… let’s go. Come on, Nick.”

“Do you have any idea how much shit we’ll get if something happens and we end up having to call security?” Nick asked with a sigh from the couch.

“Do you know how whine-ass you just sounded?” Emma asked with a giggle and AJ chuckled while tying his sneaker. “Come on, Carter. You know you want to…” She shot a “sexy” face at him and when he didn’t move she shrugged and looked at AJ. “Fine, we’ll leave him here…” She slid her arm through AJ’s and waved to Nick as they walked toward the door, “Don’t wait up…”

Chapter 37 by BeTheStage

37

“We’re so going to get in trouble for this…”

I laughed and listened to Emma as she leaned forward in the Taxi talking to the driver telling him where she wanted to go. I ignored Nick while wondering how Emma knew anything about Phoenix. I’d been there on tour enough times to recognize some of the buildings, and yet I didn’t know anything about the clubs in the city. Emma however knew them by name and knew how to give the driver directions on how to get there as well. When she was done talking to the driver she sat back against the seat and gave me a smile before turning to Nick and smacking him in the arm, “Stop whining.”

“I’m not whining…” he said and rubbed his arm. “I’m just being… cautious.”

I chuckled and looked out of the window of the car. “We got nailed once when we snuck out of the hotel in the middle of the night like this. He’s never agreed to do it again since… Of course I was using back then and didn’t give a shit if we got into trouble and didn’t let it phase me when we got into trouble.”

“How exactly do you get in trouble though?” Emma asked, turning her attention to me again. “You’re adults… it’s not like they can ground you or lock your in your hotel room. What does getting in trouble include?”

“They can fine us for breaking contract. It’s in there that we won’t go out and put ourselves in dangerous situations while on tour without security…”

“They dock your pay?” she asked with a gasp.

“Basically…” I nodded. “That’s only if they find out though. They can also make life hard on us by giving us all sorts of shitty press to do that takes up all of our free time.”

“That’s insane…”

“Yeah, but then again we did sign the contract, so it’s not like we don’t know what’s coming.”

“I guess… but I still think it sucks.”

“It does…” Nick mumbled from behind his fingernail that he was butchering while chewing on it as he looked out the window. I watched as Emma ran her hand over Nick’s thigh and then patted it. He looked at her and pulled his hand away from his mouth and smiled. I suddenly felt like an intruder.

“So this club we’re going to… it’s cool,” Emma said and looked at me again. “I lived here for a little bit and although the first time I went to the place I thought it was the biggest mistake in the world, it turned out to be somewhere that I went a lot. It sort of has that rave vibe to it. Just a whole lot of dancing, and not all of the bullshit that comes along with most clubs where people are more there for the socializing than for the dancing.”

“Cool…”

“And…” she said with a smile in my direction, “It’s drug free. They don’t sell alcohol, and anyone caught dealing or doing any other sort of drug gets the cops called on them. It’s absolutely amazing, but they manage to keep it clean.”

I smiled at her and nodded, “Very cool… thanks.”

She put her hand on my thigh, much like she’d done with Nick just moments before, and nodded, “Not a problem…” I didn’t feel like an intruder anymore. She smiled at me and gave my knee a little squeeze. I put my hand on top of hers and held it for a second. It was the longest deliberate touch that we’d shared in the time that we’d known each other.

Chapter 38 by BeTheStage

38

Dancing with Emma was amazing. She was absolutely a different person in the club that night. Smiling, dancing, singing, and simply glowing all around. I have no idea what it was about the place, other than the fact that it really was a great club, but whatever it was I suddenly wished I could bottle it and always have it in stock when Emma was having a bad day.

The three of us danced until we couldn’t dance anymore and then we hitched a ride in another cab that took us back to the hotel. We practically fell into a booth of the all night diner in the hotel as we ordered up breakfast and as much coffee as the waitress could bring us.

“I’m so tired…” Emma said with a huge smile and an even bigger yawn as she put her elbow on the table and rested her cheek in her hand. “But it’s a good tired. I haven’t danced like that in a really long time.”

“Neither have I…” Nick said with his own smile. He was sitting across from me and Emma was on my side of the booth. I’d been watching him all night and even though he was hiding it pretty well, I could tell he was into Emma much more than he led on. Just the fact that he’d even snuck out of the hotel with us was saying a lot… no one else would have been able to get him to go, especially since the last time we’d done it ended up so badly. But a bat of Emma’s long eyelashes and suddenly he was goo in her hands. We’d all pretty much danced together as a group in the crowded club, but the few times that one of us paired up with Emma to dance I totally noticed how his hands moved along her body and how she reacted to him. There was definitely chemistry between the two of them, I just didn’t know how much Emma would be willing to take on considering how secretive her life was.

“Can y’all get into trouble for bein’ in the hotel restaurant without security?” she asked and I smiled at the way her accent came out more when she was tired.

“Nope…”

“Cool… so we’re officially safe.” Emma looked across the table to Nick, “And you were so worried… You should trust me more…”

Nick laughed and shook his head, “And why exactly should I trust you?”

She rose an eyebrow at him, “Why?”

“Yup, why?”

“Because I have a face you can trust…” she said it with a serious voice and for a moment I stopped looking through the dessert menu that was sitting on the table and looked up.

Emma sat staring across the table at Nick and he sat watching her, looking at her deep green eyes. They sat like that for at least a minute and then Nick nodded, “Works for me…”

I looked between the two of them in confusion then watched as Emma slid out of the booth and went to talk to our waitress. When I looked at Nick, his eyes were on Emma too, “What is she doing?”

I shook my head, “I’ve no idea…”

She came back with a smile and wiggled a pen between her fingers, “I needed a pen.”

“She needed a pen…” Nick repeated and looked at me with a laugh.

We passed the time with small talk about whatever came to mind and Emma did some of her famous “doodling” on the placemat in front of her until the food came. When the waitress brought the food we laughed at the sheer amount of food we’d ordered then began feasting. Well, Nick and I began eating and Emma kept drawing.

With a mouth full of pancake Nick asked her about the drawing, “What the hell are you drawing?”

“A design…”

“For what?”

I looked at him and shook my head, “Must you always talk with your mouth full, Asshole?”

He deliberately took a bite before answering me with a laugh, “Yes…”

I flipped him off and went back to eating while I watched Emma drawing. Nick hadn’t been paying any attention to what she was drawing because as far as I knew he didn’t know she was an artist. He probably thought she was just doodling a bunch of crap like I was known to do, and he ignored it. When she didn’t stop drawing to eat though and he couldn’t see the picture she was drawing because of the food on the table, he became curious.

“It’s a tattoo…” Emma said, her attention totally on the intricate drawing she’d been working on. It was an amazing piece of work, as usual, and I’d been watching her work on it the whole time.

“For who?”

“Whom…” she said with a slight smile and looked up at him before looking back at her placemat.

Nick rolled his eyes, “Whatever… Whom is it for?”

She laughed and looked up again, “Who is it for…” I laughed as I ate my breakfast and she winked at me. “It’s for you, actually. You need one on your arm, right there…” she said and pointed to a spot on his arm with her pen. “I’ve been thinking about it all night…”

I looked at the picture again and then looked at the spot where she’d pointed to on Nick’s arm. She was right, it would look great there. There was a pang of jealousy that I felt run through my body. I wanted her to draw me a tattoo. I was the one with the most after all. I was The Tattooed Guy of the group.

Almost as she’d read my mind, Emma turned and looked at me, “I’ve got one for you… It’s in my book upstairs though. I was going to show it to you earlier but we got sidetracked…”

She’d drawn mine before Nicks, something about that made me happy. I smiled, “Cool…”

She looked at the drawing one last time and then signed it with her initials and the date before showing it to me, “You like?”

“It’s awesome…” I nodded.

“Cool…” she said and handed the placemat across the table to Nick.

If there had been food in his mouth when he took the placemat it would have fallen out of his mouth and onto the table. I had to laugh as he looked at the picture and the shock registered on his face, he clearly didn’t know she was an artist. “Holy shit…”

Emma smiled and pulled her plate toward her as she finally picked up her fork, “I’ll tell you what it means later, but if I don’t eat soon I’m goin’ta pass out on you guys.”

We ate while Nick stared at the picture and occasionally looked up at us in shock. “How the hell did you? This… I…”

Emma laughed, “AJ likes to say I’m an artist…”

“She is…” I nodded and drank some of my coffee. “She’s absolutely amazing. That’s cool…” I said pointing to the placemat that was still in his hands. “But it’s nothing compared to some of her other stuff…”

“Whatever…” she said and rolled her eyes. “It’s not that big of a deal, I just had the idea while we were dancin’ and thought I’d put it down.” She laughed at herself for a second, “I’m totally twangin’ tonight aren’t I? Anyway, you don’t have to actually get it… it’s just an idea.”

“No, it’s awesome…” Nick said shaking his head. “I really like it…”

“Good…” she smiled at him.

“I just didn’t know you could draw like this… I mean, we’ve talked about doodling and comic books and shit… but this, I didn’t expect this…”

“Well, now you know…” she smiled. It was so simply put, and yet so much like her. I smiled and she looked at her watch with a yawn, “Four hours til we have to be on the bus. Eat up, boys… I want to get some sleep before attempting to sleep on the bus…”

“Whose bus are you riding in?” Nick asked as he finally put the placemat down and started to eat again.

She shrugged and took a cheese-fry from the plate in the middle of the table, “Y’all can fight over me…”

Chapter 39 by BeTheStage

39

Emma sold the last tee shirt of the night and pushed her hair out of her face with a sigh. She looked at the person she’d been teamed with for the night and shook her head, “Why is it that the adult fans are crazier than the teenagers?”

The man laughed and packed away merchandise, “Because they’re crazy, and they’ve got the money to feed their madness.”

Emma smiled and helped pack up the remainder of the merchandise that hadn’t been sold. It was their first night of four in Vegas and although they’d barely slept the night before and on the bus ride that morning, Emma was shocked at how alert she was. After finishing up her duties as Tee Shirt Girl, she removed all traces of connections to the band from her person, and then made her way up a few floors to one of the restaurants.

While waiting for her dinner to show up, she played Keno and sketched on the placemat to keep occupied. When she paused to light a cigarette she looked out into the area just outside of the restaurant to see Nick standing with security. She chuckled at the look on his face as he looked around quite possibly trying to figure out where to go. Pulling her cell phone from her pocket she dialed his number and with a grin watched him answer her call.

“I was just about to call you…” he said with a smile that she not only saw, but also heard through the phone.

“Bullshit, you were not…”

“I was too…” he laughed and she watched him as he looked around the casino.

“Nut uh, your phone was in your pocket, you weren’t just about to call me. Maybe you were thinking about calling me though.”

Nick smiled again and kept looking around, “Where are you?”

“In a galaxy far, far away waiting for my nachos…” she laughed and took a drag of her cigarette.

“Nachos…” he said and turned around again. “You’re in the restaurant aren’t you?”

“Perhaps…”

He walked toward the restaurant with a big smile on his face and then walked right past the hostess, “I see you…”

Emma chuckled and waved, “Howdy…”

Nick flipped his phone shut when he reached the Emma’s booth and slid in, “Hi…” He leaned toward her and kissed her on the lips then smiled at the look on her face, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while, ya know?”

“Oh yeah?” Emma asked looking into his eyes and noticing how he was sliding closer to her in the booth.

“Yup… I’ve been wanting to do more than that… but I figure the kiss is the safest one to do in public.”

Emma laughed, “And just what were the other things, then?”

Nick bent his face to her ear and she felt his breath on her neck as he spoke, “Everything we did the other night, and more…”

She took a breath and nodded as he kissed her neck and discretely darted his tongue out quickly to tease the spot on her neck just below her ear. “So you just assume that because I slept with you once that you’ve got a free pass to use anytime you want to?”

“I was hoping…” he chuckled against her neck.

She pushed him away so he didn’t feel the shiver that ran through her body. She smiled and shrugged, “We’ll see…”

“Where’s your partner in crime, tonight?”

“AJ?” she asked with a shrug and Nick nodded. “I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him since before the concert tonight. He’s probably sound asleep… he didn’t sleep much on the bus.”

“Yeah, it was a crappy drive. Way too bumpy.”

“I actually can’t believe I’m still awake,” Emma said and smiled. She picked up her Coke and took a drink, “Of course, I have been drinking Coke all day… that might have something to do with it.” They both laughed and Emma’s cell phone rang as a waitress finally stopped by and took Nick’s order. “Speak of the devil…” she chuckled looking at the ID. “Hey…”

“Hey…” AJ rasped into the phone in his, ‘my voice and body is really tired’ voice.

“Are you in bed?”

He laughed, “Yeah…”

“Are you naked?”

He laughed again, “Not quite, but damn close.”

“Well finish the job!” Emma giggled. “Get naked and stroke it for me…”

She cracked up and AJ laughed shaking his head, “You’ve been drinking Coke all night haven’t you?”

“Uh huh…”

“Crazy woman…”

“That’s me…”

“What are you doing?”

“Sitting in a booth waiting for Nachos…”

“Are you in the hotel?”

“Yeah… I’m not braving the other casinos by myself. But I’m kicking ass at Keno.”

“How much have you won?”

“I put down twenty bucks for ten two-dollar games, and so far in the first three games I’ve won about three hundred dollars.”

“Holy shit…” AJ said with a laugh. “I guess you are kicking ass…”

“Yeah, I love Keno.” She watched as Nick picked up a Keno flyer from the middle of the table and read it. “I’m guessing you’re going to crash for the night huh?”

“Yeah… I thought I’d just give you a call and check on you before I pass out.”

“Such a gentleman…”

“I try…” AJ chuckled. “And hey… if you decide you don’t want to room with Skinner tonight, just call me. I’ll get up and let you in the room and you can crash here, okay?”

Emma looked at Nick who was watching her and was running his fingertip along the hem of her shorts touching her leg gently. “I think I’ll be alright… but thanks…”

“No prob… the offer stands…” AJ said with a yawn.

“Call me when you wake up and you can show me around this city a bit.”

“Cool…” Another yawn.

“Go to sleep, AJ. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Night…”

She hung up the phone and looked at Nick, “I was right, he’s already in bed.”

Nick kept running his finger along her thigh and smiled, “Cool…”

Emma picked up her cigarette that had pretty much killed itself while she was on the phone. She finished it off and then put it out in the ashtray. “Can we… talk… about, us?”

Nick looked at her and nodded, his hand still resting on the inside of her thigh. His fingers moving along the soft skin every so often. “What do you wanna talk about?”

She let out a sigh and took another drink of her Coke before talking, “I just… I don’t want to um… you know, lead you on. I like you, Nick. I have fun hanging out with you and, well… the sex is good. Real good…” she laughed at herself and then blushed. Nick smiled at her and kept listening. “I’m not looking for a relationship though, and I want you to know that right away. I don’t want you to fall for me.”

Nick watched her and nodded again, “Okay… so define what is and isn’t cool.”

“I’m just saying that if we do this… the sex… that’s all it’s going to be. I can’t… I can’t give more than that.” She shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair, “It’s complicated… but it’s the way things have to be.”

“So… we hang out occasionally, and when we feel like it, we’re fuck buddies?”

Emma nodded and looked into Nick’s eyes, “That okay with you?”

He shrugged then nodded, “Yeah …” He slid his hand further up the inside of her leg and leaned close to gently put a kiss on her cheek. “If I can touch you when I’m around you, even better…” he whispered into her ear.

She closed her eyes for a moment and leaned her head against his, “Okay…”

He kissed her neck a few more times and then pulled back and smiled at her as he slid his hand over the small of her back. “So are we cool?”

She nodded, took another deep breath, and smiled, “Yeah… one more rule though, okay?”

“Sure thing…”

“When it’s the three of us… When AJ is around… Hands off.”

Nick smiled, “That’s cool. No sense in making things all fucked up and weird when we’re just trying to hang.” Nick grabbed Emma’s hand and held it under the table with a smile, “We’re good.”

“Okay.”

“Now tell me something…”

“What?” she asked with a smile.

“How the hell did you win three hundred dollars playing Keno?”
Chapter 40 by BeTheStage

40

Emma woke up from a nightmare and wasn’t sure for a moment where exactly she was. It wasn’t really “a nightmare” as if from time to time her dreams were happy, but rather The Nightmare. The only dream she’s had in the two long years since The Accident. The squish of blood in the carpet under her sneakers, the metallic smell of blood mixing with other bodily matter that most people never see or smell in a normal lifetime, and the horrible images that haunted her whether awake or unconscious. It wasn’t a dream so much as a flashback, but she didn’t like the term flashback for one reason or another and that left her calling those images a dream or a nightmare. Flashback, dream or nightmare though, what she saw was real. Staying up too late eating spicy food while reading horror novels didn’t cause it. It was her life. The blood was real, the images were real, and her indescribable pain was real.

Waking up startled she sat up in bed and looked around as it sunk in, once again, that two years had passed since she’d actually been there in the situation that she relived in the nightmare each night. She was instead in a fancy hotel room in Vegas with a nearly naked blonde sleeping next to her. It had been a long time since The Accident, and yet she still couldn’t help but look at her hands to check for blood. There wasn’t any blood there, of course, only the tremble that always ran through her body after flashing back to the day that her life changed forever.

Leaning across Nick, she found her cigarettes on the table next to the bed. She lit one quickly and held the smoke in her lungs for as long as she could. The cigarettes had been the only things she’d found that made the sensory memory of the smell of The Accident fade. Drinking, drugs, cutting, anti-depression meds… she’d tried nearly everything before picking up a cigarette and realizing that the smoke kept her from gagging and vomiting each time her memories flooded over her.

After a few drags the smells and images began to slowly drift away. She got out of the bed and walked to the window of the suite pushing open the curtains a bit.

It was bright outside. Not the neon-flashing-bright that Vegas had even in the middle of the darkest part of the evening, but the natural brightness of the sun blazing in the cloudless blue sky over the desert kind of bright. Emma squinted but didn’t look away, the stinging in her eyes from the bright light would help her focus on something other than her life and her past. Anything else was better than that.

She watched people moving up and down the strip between casinos and wondered how many of them ever made it to bed that night before. She’d never been to Vegas before then but was quickly getting the impression that sleep was pretty low on the priority list of most of the adult visitors of the city. Glancing back to the bed where Nick was sleeping she decided that pop stars basking in the afterglow of a great concert and fabulous sex were exempt from that group.

She wrapped her arm around her body and looked down at the shirt covering half of her body. At some point in the night, probably in a groggy trip to the bathroom, she’d put Nick’s shirt on. Call it weird, but she wasn’t a lay-around-naked-after-sex kind of girl. She was more than happy being gloriously nude all throughout the sex-capades, but afterward she wanted clothes, at least a long shirt. Emma smiled at how their clothes were strewn about the room. The two of them weren’t exactly patient people when it came to sex. They’d managed to have dinner and play Keno before heading back to Nick’s room. Aside from the fact that they were both exhausted, the sexual part of their friendship took over for a while before they passed out for the evening. Great sex always managed to give Emma at least a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, she was well aware of that fact when she’d told Nick the night before that she’d be his Fuck Buddy.

Focusing again on the view from the window she kept working on her cigarette silently and felt herself slip back into the flashback. She was so lost in the memories that she didn’t hear Nick wake up or cross the room to join her. When he placed a kiss on her neck she snapped back to reality and jumped. He chuckled and kissed her neck again, “Sorry… I thought you heard me.”

She shook her head and took a drag of her cigarette and blew out the smoke before speaking quietly, “No, I didn’t hear you…”

“I woke up and thought for a minute you’d left me again. Today makes three times in a row I’ve gone to sleep with you and woke up alone. At least this time you’re still in the room.”

“If you’d slept much longer you probably would have woke up to an empty room.”

“You don’t sleep enough…”

Emma shrugged, “Yeah.”

Nick frowned at the sadness in Emma’s voice and then bent to kiss the top of her head gently. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and looked out the window with her. He could feel the tremble that ran through her and he held her a little tighter, “You’re shaking like crazy, Em...”

She didn’t say anything because she knew she’d start crying if she tried to talk. Crying in front of Nick certainly wasn’t on her to do list for the day. He knew from talking to AJ about Emma that when she got quiet like this, that the last thing to do is to try to her to make her talk. He didn’t want to scare her away so he didn’t say another word. Instead he held her and looked out of the window with her until he couldn’t feel her trembling anymore. Much to his and Emma’s surprise, she let him.

Chapter 41 by BeTheStage

41

Something was up with Emma when I hooked up with her in Vegas. Not that it was anything new, something was always up with Emma, but that day it seemed bigger or something. We had lunch and I small talked about nothing in general while she mostly chain-smoked and I tried, and failed at, reading her mind. She was totally in a different world that afternoon and even though she was right there with me, she felt like she was miles away. When I was finally out of stupid things to talk about, and believe me that took a long time, I lost my patience and grabbed the pack of cigarettes out of Emma’s hands.

“What the fuck are you doing?” she asked, finally paying attention to me.

“Getting you to pay attention to me.”

“I am paying attention to you. Give those back.”

“No you’re not, and no.” She reached across the table trying to swipe the cigarettes back and I held them out of her reach.

“Give them back.”

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

“There’s nothing going on…” she said with a sigh that told me she was lying.

“Bullshit.”

“There’s nothing going on…” she said with a little more conviction.

“That was better, but no.”

“AJ…” She practically whined, I had to hold back a laugh, Emma never whined. I kept my eyes locked with her and stuck the pack of cigarettes down the front of my pants into my underwear. No one ever called me mature, ever.

Emma’s eyes narrowed to a glare and she slid out of the booth that we were in and began walking away. “Fuck…” I mumbled to myself throwing much too much money on the table for the bill before running after her with Marcus in tow. By the time we hit the outside of the restaurant Emma was gone. “Fuck! Where is she?” I scanned the busy casino with Marcus’ help and sighed. “I hate Vegas…”

“There she is…” Marcus said pulling on my arm.

I whined like a little kid whose Mom pulled too hard on their arm in the mall and yanked my arm back from him. “Jesus…”

“You want to lose her or catch up with her?”

Letting out a frustrated sigh I followed him mumbling under my breath, “Didn’t have to pull my damn arm out of joint…”

“I heard that…” Marcus said with a chuckle and kept leading me through the crowds.

“Are you sure you see her? I don’t see her.”

“I’m sure…”

“I don’t see her…” Marcus shot a look at me that he’d been giving me since I was a kid and he first started being my bodyguard. It was a look that in seconds said, “You’re being a pain in my ass and if you want me to help you out of this you better quit it now…” I shut up and followed him all the while looking over his big shoulders trying to see Emma. Finally making it through a crowd of people checking in or out of the hotel I saw her hair and mentally made a note to apologize to Marcus for being a pain in his ass. I jogged ahead of Marcus giving him the international guy thank you of a pat on the shoulder then caught up with Emma. “Hey…” I said as I put my hand on her shoulder.

“Leave me alone, AJ…”

“No… wait…” I said trying to stop her from walking without actually pulling on her, which I knew she wouldn’t like one bit. “Please?” She didn’t answer me and kept walking. “I’ll give you’re your cigs back and buy you more for the rest of the tour…” Yes, I was desperate. I would have kissed her feet right then and there if she asked me to and it would cheer her up.

“I don’t care about the cigarettes…” she said and kept walking.

“Then stop and talk to me…” She didn’t stop and I kept following her. “I’ll just keep following you until you talk to me. You know I will.”

She stopped and gave me a look of challenge that clearly said, “Oh really?” then ducked into the women’s restroom.

“Fuck…” I said again and looked at the doorway. I looked around and saw Marcus standing nearby giving me a shrug as I tried to figure out what the hell to do. “Watch my back…” I told him and then went into the restroom.

It wasn’t the first time I’d been in a woman’s restroom by any means. As a kid my mother was always dragging me into them with my hands over my eyes afraid I’d be kidnapped if she left me standing outside of the bathroom waiting for her. Then as I got older and well, friskier… I spent many a moment in restroom stalls with chicks in clubs not caring which room we made it into as long as the stall door locked and we could get our freak on without anyone watching.

Walking in after Emma though I couldn’t help but gawk though. “Damn…” I said as I looked around the huge bathroom. Granted, we were in one of the best casino/hotels in Vegas and everything there was nice, but I guess I hadn’t expected the damn bathroom to look so nice. A woman looked at me and I gave her my best smile, “My girlfriend is sick… I’m just checking on her. Sorry…” She looked at me like my skin was green and I had antlers growing out of my head but she walked away, thankfully. “Emma?”

I heard a groan that I knew for sure was Emma’s and I followed the sound. “I told you I’d follow you. Please talk to me. I know you don’t like to talk about yourself and I told you I wouldn’t push but you’re freaking me the hell out today. Something’s going on and I just want…” I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. “Emma…”

There was a flush that made me jump and a woman came walking cautiously out of a stall narrowing down the number of stalls that Emma could be hiding in by one. Again I smiled and gave the woman a small wave as if it were totally normal for a guy to be standing in the middle of a woman’s bathroom talking to a bunch of closed stalls. The woman stared at me for a minute then sputtered at me, “You… You’re… Holy shit you’re… AJ…”

Just what I needed, a fan. “Yeah… Hi.” Her mouth hung open for a moment and I waited for her to say something. She reached into her purse and pulled out a camera. I chuckled and she snapped a picture of me then ran out of the restroom without saying another word. Stunned by the flash of her camera and the weirdness of the whole situation I stood there for a moment before remembering what the hell I was doing. Emma. I walked toward the stalls again and bent down to look for her feet. I saw the sneakers that I knew were hers because they were those little canvas shoes that she always wore on our off days and they had doodles all over them in pen from when she’d be sitting around somewhere and get bored. Standing up again I stood outside of her stall and put my forehead on the smooth wooden door, “Please talk to me before some woman calls security on me and I get thrown out of here and wind up in the tabloids.” I waited but she didn’t make a sound. A few minutes passed when she didn’t move I sighed and pulled her pack of cigarettes out of my underwear and slid them under the door to her, “Em… I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone. Just… when you’re ready to talk to me I’ll be ready to listen, okay?” I waited a moment longer, hoping she’d say something, anything, but she didn’t.

Chapter 42 by BeTheStage

42


 I didn’t see Emma again until we hit California three days later.  Between Nick and me we must have left her two hundred voice mails trying to get a hold of her but she ignored us both.  I knew she’d still been making it to work because… well, I checked up on her.  It wasn’t like I could just walk off stage though in the middle of a show and walk through the venue looking to see if a certain tee shirt girl had made it to work.  Skinner was, as usual, no help at all.  I asked him if Emma had been sleeping in his room and he laughed at me saying some smart remark about there being trouble in Backstreet Paradise. 


My only real consolation about it all was that Emma was still on the tour.  She was a runner, that much was obvious.  The fact that she hadn’t up and left the tour to get away from us… me… altogether made it a little easier to take her disappearing act.  I figured that with any luck she’d pop up again after having time to work through whatever it was that had spooked her so bad in Vegas.


Our stay in California not only held concert dates but also a video shoot, a little much-needed downtime, and a stop on The Tonight Show so we had our share of non-tour stuff to do which meant not being able to check on Emma.  It was when we were in San Diego and I was making my way back to the hotel after a long day of video shooting that I finally ran into her again.  The doors of the elevator opened and there she was waiting for a ride.  At first when I saw her it didn’t register that it was her then I went into spaz mode.


“Hi… hey… what’s up?  I… wow, you look… I… uh… hi…” Told ya, complete spaz.


She smiled, “Hey…”


The elevator doors tried to close and because Marcus and I were still standing in the elevator like morons I stuck my leg in the way and the doors re-opened.  We then stepped out into the hall Emma chose, thankfully, to miss her elevator and instead stayed there with me.  “So… how are you?”


“I’m alright…” she said with a nod.  She looked tired.  She always sort of had that tired look about her, but that night she looked even more tired than usual.


“I um…”  I sighed and shook my head at my complete loss of words.


“I’m sorry I freaked out on you,” she said gently surprising the hell out of me.  “I should have at least called you back once to let you know I was still around.”


“I asked around for you, made sure you hadn’t bolted…”


She nodded again and looked at her feet.  I watched her and I wanted to hug her.  I didn’t care that she’d avoided me for three days, I didn’t care that we’d fought or whatever you’d call what happened in Vegas, I just wanted to hug her.  “Hey, Em?”


 “Hmm?” she looked up and those green, green eyes stared at me.


I hugged her.  I reached out, no words needed, and hugged her.  At first I felt her resist and then the barrier broke and she didn’t fight it.  I felt her arms wrap around me and although her half of the hug wasn’t as strong as mine, I held her tight and didn’t let go.  She shivered just a bit and it was so subtle that I probably wouldn’t have noticed it if I wasn’t hugging her so tight, but I did notice.  I held her a little longer and then pulled back looking down at her with a small smile, “I missed you.”


She smiled and nodded, “I missed you too.”


We ended up in my room that night.  We didn’t exactly talk about the previous three days or what had happened in Vegas, but instead just sort of picked up where we’d left off.  Something in her eyes told me that she wasn’t ready to really talk about anything serious yet.  Maybe it was how tired she looked, or just my increasing ability to read her moods but I knew not to push her. 


The next morning when Emma was in the shower I called Nick and left him a message to let him know that I’d found her.  He’d been as worried about her disappearance as I’d been and I wanted to make sure that he knew she was okay.  He may have made a Friends with Benefits sort of agreement with Emma but I knew Nick well enough to know when he had a crush and he definitely had a crush on Emma.  I may not have known Emma as well as I knew Nick, but I was pretty sure she felt more for Nick than she let on too.


“Can I ask a question?” I asked as we walked along the shore together.  Our hotel was right on the beach and although it was a little tricky sneaking out without a gaggle of fans trailing us, we’d managed it and took a long walk down the beach together.


“Sure…”


“What’s up with you and Nick?”


“What do you mean?”


“I mean… do you like him?”


“Sure.”


“That’s not what I mean…” I said and looked at her as we walked.  The breeze off of the water kept blowing this one chunk of hair into her face and she’d push it back behind her ear every time it was blown loose.  She pushed the hair back again but didn’t look at me, “You two seem to get along pretty well… I know he likes you.  Likes you, likes you.  He may not admit it, but I know he does.”


She shook her head and looked at the water, “I don’t want him to like me like that.”


“Can’t always control stuff like that…”


“Yeah…”


She was quiet again for a while before I saw a fairly secluded spot that looked perfect for us to sit for a while.  “Can you draw this place?”


“What?”


I chuckled at myself, “Sorry… I was having my own little conversation in my head just now and I just wondered if you could draw this.  It’s gorgeous here.  I’d love to have a drawing of it and we both know that if I draw it it’ll look like shit.”


She laughed and shook her head, “You’re not as bad at drawing as you think you are.”


“I still couldn’t draw this though… not and make it look real at least.  Will you do it for me?”


She nodded and pulled one of her sketchbooks out of the bag she’d been carrying.  “You sure we have enough time for this?” she asked as she pulled out small black case that held most of her pencils.


“Yeah… I don’t have shit to do but sit here and watch you draw.”


She smiled and looked out at the water for a while taking it all in before finally putting the pencil to paper and beginning to sketch.  Watching her draw was something I was beginning to love doing.  There was something about watching a blank piece of paper turn into a work of art right before my eyes that struck me as fucking cool.  I may be an artist in the sense that I sing and create music, but it’s different watching a drawing come to life like it does when Emma gets into her sketches.


“Nick has these paintings in his house that remind me of this place.  He’s a real water freak you know?  The first night we got here he was geeked that our hotel was so close to the beach.”  Emma nodded and kept drawing.  “There’s a scene in the video that we shot yesterday that had us on the beach too, so of course he was thrilled about that…”


“AJ?”


“Yeah?”


“Why are you talking about Nick so much?”


“Huh? Nah I was just talking… small talk you know?  I didn’t mean to focus on Nick.”


“Cause it sounds like you’re trying to sell me on him or something.  Don’t… don’t do that.”


 “No, I… I wasn’t.  I… sorry.”


She looked back at her drawing and worked on shading part of it before stopping with a sigh.  “I can’t be in any sort of thing with Nick.  I told him that and I’ve told you that.  I just can’t.  So… I know he likes me more than he pretends to.  I’m distant but I’m not stupid, I can tell he’s into me, or something.  But please don’t try to get us to… whatever.”


I nodded, “Okay.  I really wasn’t trying to purposely talk about him just now.  I can see how it would seem like that though.  I naturally think about him when I’m around water, and it just sort of spilled out of me.  I mean, when I asked you back there about him…” I said pointing back up the beach in the direction we’d come from.  “Yeah that was on purpose… but the painting comment and all that… totally not connected.”


“Okay…” she said and nodded.


“Can I just say one more thing about him then I promise to shut the hell up about him?”


“Yeah…” she said and chuckled.


“He’d really like it if you’d call him or stop by his room.  He was worried about you after Vegas, if you couldn’t tell from the three billion voice mails,” I smiled and she did too.  “But um… if you, you know… I mean, he’s… I’m sure he’d like to hear from you.  Just to know you’re alright and still around.  That’s all.”


I watched Emma as she nodded and then looked back to her sketchbook, “Maybe I’ll call him later today when we get back to the hotel.”


“Cool…”

Chapter 43 by BeTheStage
43


After finishing her drawing of the beach for AJ they grabbed a bite to eat and then walked back toward the hotel.  Emma was relieved to have had run into AJ the night before.  Until then she hadn’t been sure how, or if, she was going to talk to him again.  In her heart she wanted to apologize for freaking out in Vegas, but as more time went on and she didn’t talk to him she began to wonder if stopping communication all together would be better.  As soon as she saw him in that elevator though she knew that she wasn’t supposed to walk away from him just yet.  She knew he was getting close, much closer than she’d ever planned on letting him get, but for some reason it just felt right.


With Nick on the other hand, the closer he got, the more it scared her.  She worried about how comfortable she seemed with him at times and how good he made her feel when they were together.  Letting AJ in on her life and letting him know bits and pieces of her hidden past was one thing, but having a boyfriend-like person in her life and sharing herself with him was way too much.  Keep it physical, she told herself and hoped she could listen to herself.


“What are you doing for Christmas?” AJ asked her out of the blue as they were walking up the beach.


 “Nothing… I don’t know.  I hadn’t really thought about it.”


 “It’ll be nice to have a real break that lasts longer than a day or two… I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed for two weeks,” AJ said with a happy sigh.  “I was just thinkin’ though, if you don’t have any plans you’re welcome to come back to Florida with me for the break.  Spend the holidays with me and then we’ll hit the road again after New Years for the last month of the tour.”


Emma shook her head, “I can’t invade your holidays like that.  But thanks for the offer.  I’ll be fine.”


AJ looked at her and made a face, “It’s not invasion if you’re invited.  Seriously, if you’re just going to be alone for two weeks, come home with me.  I won’t make you get all into the holiday spirit if you don’t want to.  Hell, you can stay locked in the spare bedroom the whole break if you want… just come with me.”


“So you can keep tabs on me and know where I am?”


He shrugged, “Sort of, yeah.  And because you’re my friend.  If you haven’t figured it out yet, Emma, my friends are my family.  The guys, they’re my brothers.  And you, you’re… well, you’re not my sister cause then it would be wrong of me to think you’re hot…” he said with a chuckle.  “But you’re more than ‘just a friend,’” he said making quotes in the air with his fingers.  “I don’t want to go home for two weeks and think that you’re all by yourself somewhere when you could be at least staying in my house if not hanging out with me and my mom and her husband.”


“I just…”


 “Listen…” he said as he interrupted her and stopped walking.  “Just don’t say no right now.  Even if there’s no way in hell you’ll come home with me, just pretend, for my sake, that you’ll think about it.  We’ve got a few days left here and another week traveling around California before a week and a half of dates in Texas before the break… say you’ll think about it and give me your official answer in Texas.”


She looked up at him and wanted to tell him no.  She wanted to tell him that she might not even make it to Texas and that the holidays weren’t even a blip on her radar anymore.  What she did though when she saw the look of determination on his face was nod and quietly replied, “I’ll think about it.”


He smiled a big ear to ear smile, “Sweet…”


 

Chapter 44 by BeTheStage
44

 “Has she called you yet?” I asked Nick during a break between our sound check and that day’s Meet & Greet.


“No…” he mumbled.  “Stop bringing her up, alright?  She’ll either call or she won’t… but you reminding me that she hasn’t called bites.”


“Sorry…” I told him as I fiddled with my pack of cigarettes.  “I’m gunna go smoke.”


“Have fun.”


Nick was in one of his moods.  We were almost at the end of our stay in California and although Emma had resurfaced in my life, she hadn’t contacted Nick yet and I was left suck in the middle.  He didn’t want to talk about her and she didn’t want to talk about him.  So naturally I was the asshole who repeatedly brought one up to the other.  Most of the time it wasn’t on purpose though.  I’d be running my mouth, as I’m prone to do, and suddenly I’d blurt something out that resulted in me tasting my foot.  The harder I tried to not bring it up, the more I slipped.  I was hopeless.


Once Marcus and I made it outside of the venue I lit up and looked around in the bright sunlight of the afternoon.  “Where the fuck are we?”


Marcus laughed, “Somewhere in California.”


“No shit… I know that much. I just can’t figure out where the hell in California we are.  I hate it near the end of the tour when everything blends together.”


“We’re in Sacramento…”


I spun around so fast at the sound of her voice I nearly made myself dizzy.  “Hey…”


Emma chuckled, she wasn’t much for smiling, laughing or having fun lately at all so it was nice to hear her chuckle.  “Hey…”  She looked at Marcus and smiled, “Hey, Marc…”


“Hiya, Girlie…” Marcus said and started to move away to his “bodyguard position,” close enough to protect me, far enough so not to intrude.


Emma grabbed Marcus’ arm, not a thing many people including myself were brave enough to do.  “Stay here, dork.  I interrupted your conversation.  That means you stay.”  Marcus smiled and stayed, while Emma lit a cigarette and took the first drag.  “So yeah, we’re in Sacramento.”


“You sure?”


“Yeah.”


“I could’ve sworn we were already here before.  Wasn’t Sacramento after LA?”


“Nope…” she said blowing smoke into the air, away from Marcus.


“How many days til we leave this state then?” I asked thinking that maybe if we changed states I’d have a clue where we were.


“Three.”


“Then we’re in Texas for a week and a half, right?  Then home for the holidays to get fat eating way too much home cooked food.”


“Mmm hmm…” 


I looked at her and wondered what was going through her head.  Just like Nick, she’d been in her own “mood” since Vegas.  She’d warmed up a little bit, but even I was having a hard time getting to her.  It was driving me fucking crazy.  I’d tried being subtle and that didn’t work, being funny hadn’t worked either, so I was left with being annoyingly blunt.  “So… You going to visit any family or friends while we’re in Texas?”


She finished her cigarette, stomped the butt on the ground and shrugged looking at me.  “I’ve gotta get back to work… see ya.”


I looked at Marcus as Emma went back into the venue and he laughed at the look on my face, “Don’t ask me, kid.  She’s your friend.”


“Yeah, I know…” I sighed and thought about the weird position I was in, stuck between Nick and Emma.  I wanted to see both of them happy and yet had no idea if there was anything I could do to help it happen.  It sucked.

Chapter 45 by BeTheStage
45


Emma was doing everything she could to avoid running into Nick.  It wasn’t so much that she didn’t want to see him, but more that she didn’t want to deal with the feelings that came up when she saw him.  It was bad enough that each night on the tour while she was doing her job she had to listen to him and the other guys singing all night.  She’d gone from barely being able to tell whose voice belonged to whom, to knowing distinctively when Nick was singing and could even tell if he was playing the guitar or the drums usually.


 


The closer the tour got to Texas, the more she questioned whether or not she could stay with them.  She’d already broken a ton of her attachment rules as it was and in any other situation she would’ve been long gone.  But on this tour she’d stayed in a job for over a month, made friends with people, slept with the same guy several times, and she could even say that there were things about the tour that she’d enjoyed… everything about the tour was going against the life she’d created for herself since The Accident.  The nightmares, flashbacks, and the pain of it all was still there, but the isolation she once clung to seemed to be going away despite her best efforts to keep it in place.  It was also getting harder to keep her secrets secret from the people in her life.


 


Two days before they were meant to head for Texas, the tour was on a short road trip from one Californian city to the next.  Emma hitched a ride in AJ’s bus and because the road trip was in the middle of the night after a concert, they were both exhausted and quickly passed out in the bed that took up the rear room of the bus.


 


The Nightmare had always been horrible, but with the prospect of being closer to Texas than she had been in over a year, it seemed to grow in intensity.  Where she’d generally been able to hide it from anyone who happened to be sleeping in the room with her, it was now much harder to do. 


 


On the bus that evening with AJ though, she wasn’t so lucky.  The Nightmare began the way it always did.  She walked into the house with a smile on her face, love in her heart, and then everything changed forever.  The blood, the bodies, and the stench of it all hitting her like a semi.  Her eyes darted from one lifeless body to the next trying to make sense of what she saw but none of it computed.  This wasn’t her house, or her family… it couldn’t be.  She wasn’t really seeing what she saw and yet, there she was.  The blood was under her feet seeping into the carpet and the people she’d loved the most were dead.  Then the screaming began, the screaming in the nightmare and much to her dismay, the screaming in her waking world too.


 


“Whoa… what?  Are you okay?” AJ said frantically trying to find the switch to turn the light on.  “What happened?”  He found the light and squinted at her, “Are you okay?”  She shook her head and fought the tears that were welling up in her eyes as she looked at him.  Her whole body was trembling and the sights and smells of the nightmare were still fresh in her mind.  Confused as ever AJ looked around the room, they were still on the bus and still alone in the bed, the door to the bedroom closed off to the rest of the bus.  “What the hell happened?”  He noticed her shaking and immediately pulled her into his arms holding her tight to his body.  “Was it a nightmare?”  Not able to talk yet she nodded her head as she held onto him with a vice grip.  “Oh, baby…” he sighed and practically wrapped his whole body around hers as she balled up into him and began to cry.  It was the first time in two years she’d let anyone even attempt to comfort her after having The Nightmare.  Part of her wanted to pull away and not let AJ help her, but she was so exhausted both physically and emotionally that all she could do was cry.


 

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