I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I want a break from the madness
But it’s all I have
I want someone to love me
For Who I Am
Who I Am; Nick Jonas & The Administration

Nick J's POV 

I was sitting in the recording studio, trying to come up with a simple yet catchy riff for a new song I was attempting to write for my girlfriend Delta Goodrem when I heard the James Bond Theme ringtone coming from my iPhone in my satchel. I reached down and pulled it out, to find a private number as the caller ID.

“Hello Nicholas Jonas speaking.”
“Nick! It’s Nick Carter, how are you going buddy?”
“Nick, it’s been ages. Things are great thanks, what have you been up to? I heard your solo record, I love it.”
“Thanks Bro. Well I’ve been touring for that and been to a million high school rituals for my little sister Rosie. She just graduated from Year 12 at boarding school in Australia.”
“What was she doing in boarding school all the way over there?”
“She got a sporting scholarship for athletics and basketball for Years eleven and twelve so now she’s back home with me. Anyway I was wondering if you wanted to come and open for me on my tour. I hear you’re working on some new stuff.”
“Who told you that?” I laughed. The new stuff wasn’t coming along as well as I had hoped.
“I was talking to your Dad before to see if you had a free schedule.”
“Ah and I’m presuming he said yes.”
“He sure did. Come on bro it’ll be fun. Much better than it was back in your beginning days now that you’re a bit older. Rosie is tagging along too until university starts for her back in Australia.”
“I didn’t know she was into music?”
“She’s not really, I just don’t want her to be over in Australia for three months living with friends. I haven’t spent time with her in two years so I’m pretty excited that she agreed to come on tour. You two will get along really well. How’s things with Delta going?”
“Yeah alright, we’ve been going out for about two years now, it seems like forever but we gel so well together. She’s perfect for me. How’s things with Lauren?”
“I’m so happy for you bro. I broke it off with her about a month ago. It just wasn’t working out anymore.”
“You two were together for ages.”
“Yeah, four years. I nearly proposed but I found out she cheated a few times and we had been fighting so I ended it.”
“I’m sorry man.”
“Hey it’s alright. I forgot how much I loved the single life.”
“Now that’s the Nick Carter I remember from back in the day.” I chucked.
“You’re in New York now hey?”
“Yeah just writing for Delta. Why?”
“Do you want to go to dinner tomorrow night with Rosie and I? We were just going to grab a bit of sushi.”
“I’d love to. Can Delta come along too? She comes back from Australia tonight.”
“Yeah of course, I don’t mind. I’ll book a table for four at Koi, how does that sound?”
“Great, what time?”
“Seven? Rosie has to eat at particular times.”
“Why?”
“She was diagnosed with type one diabetes about two months ago.”
“Wow, that late?”
“Yeah it’s quite late the doctor said. It happened right before her exams too.”
“That’s no good at all. So I’m guessing she’s on shots at the moment?”
“Mmhmm, and her levels are so unstable at the moment we’re trying to get into enough of a routine so we’re eating at certain times at the moment.”

“That’s the way to do it, then eventually put her on a pump. Anyway, I have to run, I have to finish coming up with this stupid riff that I can’t get right.”
“Alright man, see you and Delta tomorrow night at seven.”
“Sounds good. Have a great night.”
“You too.”

I text messaged Delta, hoping she may have landed and would be on her way to the studio.
To: Delta (:
From: Nicholas
Hello my love
We have been invited to Koi tomorrow night with Nick Carter and his little sister Rosie. Have you landed yet, do you want me to come out and get you? I love you x

 

Half an hour later I received a reply from Delta.
To: Nicholas
From: Delta (:
Hello handsome, I just landed if you want to head out to the airport. If not I can catch a cab. I’d love to go out to dinner tomorrow night x D

 

To: Delta (:
From: Nicholas
I’ll be there in 15. I’ll wait at the arrivals. Love you x

 

I quickly grabbed my satchel, did a quick blood glucose test, saw I was okay for now and got my car keys off the bench in the kitchenette of the studio and locked up and went out to New York airport to get Delta.

 

As I drove out to the airport, I had a think about doing the tour with Nick Carter. It would be a lot of fun, it’d actually be a wild few months. I think I need a bit of time like that. I need to let my hair down and actually be a bit more carefree with my music. I think I remember Nick’s little sister Rosie. She was two years younger than me when Joseph, Kevin and I went on tour with the BackStreet Boys back in 2005. I had kept in contact with Nick and Brian Littrell. Brian helped me come up with a few ideas for my solo project back in 2009. Rosie and I were best friends for three years but one night changed everything.

 

I parked in the short term parking, despite the fact it would cost a bomb to get the car out of there fifteen minutes later, and walked into the international terminal and to arrivals and waited for Delta. I waited about ten minutes and she walked through the arrival hall doors, dressed in a pair of black tracksuit pants and her favourite jumper from high school- her Year 12 jumper.

 

When she came up to me I hugged her tightly and kissed her passionately.
“I missed you darling.” I said to her kissing her cheek afterwards
“I missed you too hun. Did you behave yourself?”
“Of course I did.” I smiled innocently as I took her wheel along bag and we walked out to the car.
“Did you and Joseph get up to anything?”
“Yeah he’s been helping me write for you. I think I’ve nearly got the perfect song, I just have to perfect the riff then I think we have a hit my love.”
“You’re such a musical genius. Come on, let’s get home.”
“Is it okay if I drop you home and quickly head back to the studio? I need to get my guitar.”
“Let’s swing past there then. I just want to get home. I’m exhausted.”
“What do you want for dinner?” I asked her.
“Let’s get some pizza.”
“Pizza sounds good, do you want to call there and we can pick it up on our way home?”
“Sure baby. What kind of pizza would you like?”
“Just cheese and ham please. I’m not very hungry anyway.”
“Have you eaten much today? I know how you get when you’ve been writing.”
“I had half a sandwich. My levels are fine. I was 8.3 before. Just stop being my mother!” I snapped.
“Oh okay then, I’ll be quiet then.” She said quietly.
“Sorry babe, I’m just tired.”
“Nick, something’s wrong. What is it?”
“It’s nothing, I promise.”
“Nick, talk to me.”
“I got asked to tour with Nick Carter.”
“What’s so bad about that?”
“His sister is going.”
“Rosie?”
“Yeah,”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“You know how I told you that I had hooked up with a girl about three years ago at a party?”
“Yeah…”
“It was Rosie. I haven’t spoken to her since.”
“So what are you worried about?”
“We were best friends before that.”
“Was it you that initiated it?”
“Yeah, so this is my problem now. I really want to do this tour but Rosie will make it awkward.”
“How do you know that? She might have moved on. After all you two haven’t talked in three years.”
“That’s true, but she’s a girl. You know what it’s like to be around someone you used to like and it’s awkward.”
“It was different with Brian though; we dated for seven years and were engaged for three. You hooked up with her one night. Just go on the tour, it’ll be a lot of fun. Nick is fun to be around and you two get along well.”
“Will you come with me?”
“I’ll come to a few shows, but I won’t be with you the whole time. Nick you need to just let loose, live a little. Rosie won’t hurt you. I think she’s a delightful girl. I used to take her out when she was in Sydney.”
“Really? I didn’t know you knew Nick.”
“Brian did and he asked if we’d look out for her. She’s a complicated kid, but a very smart kid. A great athlete too.”
“I know she’s a good athlete. We used to be really competitive.”
“You’ll have a great time on tour, dinner tomorrow night will be a good way to get your friendship with Rosie back.”

 

Rosie’s Point of View

“Rosie bear, come downstairs for a minute. I want to talk to you about something?” I heard my brother Nick call out.
“I’ll be there in a minute. I’m just doing a test.”
I heard footsteps come upstairs, and Nick appeared at my bedroom door.
“How’s it look?”
“It’s too high again. Look.” I said showing him my glucometer that read 28.4.
“Did you take your insulin at lunch?”
“Of course, I’m not stupid Nick!”
“Are you feeling okay? Not sick or anything?”
“I woke up with a bit of a runny nose this morning.”
“Fever?”
“I don’t know.”
“What did you do today?”
“Watched movies. It was just one of those lazy days.”
“Where’s the thermometer?”
“In the drawer in my desk. I don’t have a fever Nick.”
“Have you tested for ketones?”
“No, because I didn’t think I was that high. I just thought I was tired.”
“Rosie…”
“Nickolas.”
“Do a ketone test.” He said tossing me my old blood glucose meter that doubled as a blood ketone tester as well.
“If I must.”
“Rosie, if you have ketones you’re going to have to go to the hospital. I know it’s the last thing you want to do right now.”
“I’d rather the hospital. I miss having something to do. I have no friends here anymore. I’m sick of having to take needles and check on my stupid sugar levels all the time. It’s only been two months. How am I meant to do this for the rest of my life? Why was it me that got it and not you, Aaron, Leslie, BJ or Angel?” I asked as I did the ketone test.
“I don’t know munchkin. Show me the ketone results.”
I showed him the meter, it showed high amounts of ketones.
“Okay, that’s it. Get in the car, we’re off to the hospital. DKA could happen anytime now. I’ll come back and get your stuff.”
“Ugh okay.” I sighed as I got up and gathered my diabetes supplies into my handbag and went down to Nick’s car.

 

“So what were you going to tell me before?”
“Well we were going to go out for dinner with Nick Jonas and Delta Goodrem.”
“Um why?”
“I asked Nick to tour with me.”
“Rightio, you know for a fact why he and I don’t talk anymore. He used me then never spoke a word to me again. We were best friends. He was the only friend I had here in America. That’s half the reason why I moved to Australia. That and the fact I got the scholarship.”
“You can’t avoid him forever Rosie. You have to tell him the truth.”
“Sure Nick; that I got pregnant with his kid and I gave it to my sister. I’m sure he’ll be ecstatic about that.”
“Well you can always get Samuel back, Leslie said it’s only for as long as you need.”
“Can we just get to the hospital please?” I sighed.

Okay so let me explain, three years ago, in 2009 I was hanging out with Nick one weekend and things were said and alcohol was consumed and things happened. I never told Jonas about Samuel. I haven’t spoken to Nick since that night. He told me to forget it ever happened. We were meant to be best friends. He is an adorable toddler now and looks just like Nick. I didn’t want to take care of him when I was bored, I wanted to keep going with my sports and finish school. Samuel lives with my older sister Leslie and her husband Mike and their own child Alyssa. They live in Tampa Bay, Florida.

 

When I got to the hospital and was admitted, the usual happened, the talk with the endocrinologist, the IV bag of insulin and the usual night’s bed rest. I only had a slight fever so they weren’t too worried but they think that’s what caused my high levels. Part of me hopes it gets me out of dinner tomorrow night…

I'm just trying to figure outr32;
What's wrong with you headr32;
Every time I look aroundr32;
You're somewhere else instead
I wanna ask you whyr32;
But everytime I try, you cry.
My Confession; Nick Carter

 

Nick C’s Point of View

Rosie absolutely hates going to the hospital but the one thing she hates even more than the hospital is the topic of Nick Jonas. But I decided it’s been three years, Nick deserves to know that one, he has a son, two, Rosie still has feelings for him and three, he will always be a special part of Rosie and Samuel’s life no matter what. This tour was going to change everyone. That was something I knew that for sure.

I sat next to Rosie’s bed while she was being given her insulin. We continued talking about the impending arrival of Jonas.
“Nick, he’s dating Delta Goodrem, I think they’re going to get married! You’ve seen them out on the street together.”
“You and Delta were best friends while you were in Sydney. I’m sure if you explain to her about the situation she will understand.”
“And rip my head off.”
“Rosie, you have high blood sugar, you are being moody. We’ll talk about this when you’re feeling better. Right now though, I am going to go and talk to your endocrinologist about other options for your diabetes because what you are on now isn’t working.”
“Okay, I’m going to sleep then.”

 

I wandered down the halls of the hospital to the office of Rosie’s pediatric endocrinologist, Doctor Andrews. I asked his receptionist if he was in and she said he was and to knock.
“Come in!” he called.
“Hi Doctor Andrews.”
“Oh please Nick, call me Phil. What’s up?”
“I just need to talk to you about Rosie’s insulin treatment. I don’t think what she’s taking is working properly.”
“Do you know if she’s actually taking her insulin?”
“I watch nearly every injection. That’s what I thought at first too. Rosie has never been really concerned about her weight. She’s always been very athletic. I just think what she’s on at the moment isn’t working.”
“It’s too early to put her on a pump at the moment, so maybe we should adjust her dosages and eating times. Then maybe we can look at the pump in the next few months. Has she decided what she wants to do for university? Will she stay in America or go back to Australia?”
“She has a life and friends back in Australia. I can’t make her stay here as much as I’d like to.”
“What does she want to do again?”
“Early Childhood then Photography. Part of me wishes she would do music because she is so talented at it but it wasn’t something she pursued in high school when she went to Australia.”
“I thought you of all people would discourage her from doing music?” he questioned.
“I did at first, and tried to get her to pursue sports and photography but now I wish I didn’t. She was so talented.”
“Maybe get her to take a gap year, it might be the best thing for her. She needs to just stop and take a break. Maybe she can write a few songs and it will give her time to adjust to her diabetes. She hasn’t stopped since she was diagnosed.”
“Do you really think we can get her to stop? Rosie never stops. She always goes at a million miles an hour and she is always determined to prove some point. She did when she was pregnant with Samuel.”
“Maybe now is the time she needs to have Samuel in her life.”
“Well she is coming on tour with me and the baby daddy is going to be there… and he has no clue he has a son so probably not the best idea.”
“Well anyway I’ll stop by tomorrow and we’ll look at her dosages and her eating times. She should be fine to go home by tomorrow night.”
“Thanks Phil.”
“No worries Nick.”

 

Since Rosie came back from Australia, we had to find a pediatric endocrinologist and so I contacted Denise Jonas and got the details of Phil. He’s been so good for Rosie. He’s my age and has been someone she is so comfortable talking to about her diabetes. He gave her his mobile so anytime she needs to call she can. It can’t be easy on her, it really can’t. She had such a promising athletics and basketball career in Australia. She was second in her age group in the country for 100m hurdles and sprint. She was playing for New South Wales U/19 Basketball team and had been offered an Australian Institute of Sport Scholarship. It was so good that she turned everything around for herself after Samuel was born. She was so upset when she found out she was pregnant especially to Nick Jonas because they had lost contact after the tour had finished. They were best friends and did absolutely everything together. They used to play basketball together, were homeschooled together, wrote music together, filmed home movies together and just genuinely loved each other, as much as they both denied it. They were perfect for each other but now Nick is with Delta Goodrem. I have a huge amount of respect for Delta as both an artist and a person. When Rosie first arrived in Sydney two years ago, Delta and her then fiancée Brian McFadden looked out for her. Delta would take her to club basketball games or to athletics meets. She would take Rosie to any concerts or events she had on. She wrote music with Rosie and nurtured her musical talent better than I ever did. She would listen to any problems Rosie had but never once did Rosie mention Samuel. I think it ate at her a lot because when she finally came back to America after graduation the first thing she wanted to do was see Samuel. She had never wanted to do that when she has come back before. I think diabetes has changed her perspective on life. I think facing Nick about Samuel will change things again for her. I think it will bring the two of them back to each other again.

 

Delta’s Point of View

Nick had gone to bed early, I was having trouble sleeping because of jetlag. I sat in the music room of Nick and I’s apartment and tinkered at the piano for a while. Being back in Australia brought back some raw memories for me, I had run into my ex fiancée Brian for the first time since our break up, it wasn’t awkward it was just a different feeling for the both of us. We had both gone along to Rosie’s graduation because we had both been such a big part of her life when she was at boarding school in Sydney for Year 11 and 12. I knew seeing Rosie tomorrow would be hard for Nick, Rosie was his first and he was Rosie’s first too. Rosie never mentioned she had been with Nick, she had mentioned they were friends though. She spent many nights at my house watching movies and talking about any problems she was having at school, with sport or even on the odd occasion with boys. She wasn’t insecure, but she wasn’t sure of who she was as a person. She had always grown up in the shadow of her family and Nick had taken responsibility for Rosie’s safety from the time she was two and when he was just fifteen. She had grown up being “Nick Carter’s Little Sister” but in Sydney she was just Rosie. It was a huge change for her, a change she needed.

 

I went to every club basketball game, except if I had a recording session then Brian would go in my place. We were like her family in Australia. She was like our daughter in a way. We spoilt her rotten. When Brian and I split and I moved to America, Brian looked after her in Year 12 so it was like having her brother back in a way. I still spoke to Rosie every day on Facebook, Skype or the phone. I went back to Sydney for her graduation then to catch up with my family for a week or so.

 

I was taken aback by Nick’s attitude when he picked me up. He never gets cranky like that unless he has high blood sugar. This Rosie thing must really get to him. He will have the best time on tour with Nick C. They are good friends and he’d take him under his wing. I know Rosie would probably be worried about seeing Nick anyway. I’m not jealous of Rosie, I never could be. She’s like my sister and I love her too much and I know how much Nick meant to her.

 

 

There’s not a cloud in the sky
It’s as  blue as your goodbye
And I thought that it would rain
On the day you went away.
The Day You Went Away; Wendy Matthews

Nick J’s POV

 

I woke in the middle of the night to find Delta wasn’t next to me. I rolled over and checked my blood sugar to find it was a little low for my liking so I ventured down to the kitchen and grabbed a few jellybeans out of the jar and then heated up some left over pasta so I could have a few long acting carbs. I heard footsteps and I felt Delta’s arms wrap around my waist.

“Hey darling, are you feeling okay?”
“Just a little low. I had some jellybeans and am heating up some pasta. What are you doing up?”
“I can’t sleep. Hey I was thinking about the whole Rosie thing. If you don’t want to go to dinner tomorrow, I’ll go on my own.”
“No, I’ll come. I want to see Nick anyway. Like you said, it’d be good to see Rosie.”
“Yeah. Anyway, I’m going to see if I can doze off. I love you sweetheart.”
“I love you too Delta.” I said giving her a soft peck.

Once my pasta was ready and I put in the appropriate dosage in my pump I sat on the couch and turned on the TV. I flicked it onto the Disney Channel; it’s one of my guilty pleasures when I can’t sleep. Hannah Montana was on and as much as I detest that show I watched it until I finished my bowl of pasta then checked to see what music videos were playing.

 

I think I must have dozed off on the couch because I woke up and the sun was up and I had a sore neck. I smelt toast from the kitchen and got up and found Delta making herself breakfast.
“Have a nice snooze on the couch Nicky?”
“Why didn’t you come and get me?”
“I crashed as soon as I got to bed. Sorry love.”
“What do you want to do today?”
“How about let’s stay in bed and sleep and maybe watch a few movies?”
“I’m happy with that.”
“Do you want a piece of toast?”
“That’d be fantastic, thanks.” I smiled.

As the day passed, I became more and more anxious for seeing Rosie. I had this sinking feeling in my stomach that something bad was going to happen. I hadn’t seen her in three years, for all I know there could be something she has hidden from me.

 

Rosie’s POV

By three o’clock the next afternoon I was discharged with new insulin regime and prescription and feeling a lot better. Now I just had to face Nick, and I was absolutely dreading it.

When I got home, I just chilled out. I sat in the lounge room with cable on and watched old episodes of Friends for a couple hours. Nick sat beside me and I snuggled up beside him, dozing off a few times.

 

At six o’clock he told me to go and have a shower and get ready to go out. I reluctantly took my insulin pen and test kit and went upstairs to pick out a dress and have a shower. Once I was ready, I took the appropriate units of insulin for dinner; I got my favourite black heels on and went downstairs.

“Have you got your test kit and pen in there?” Nick asked pointing to my handbag.
“Ugh.” I sighed as I went back upstairs and got my pen and test kit from my bed and put it in my handbag along with my phone and house key. I looked in my mirror one last time. The floral patterned dress I had on hugged my seemingly curvy figure and the black heels made a statement. I don’t know why I wanted to look all fancy, I didn’t even want to impress Jonas.

 

Nick and I were the first to arrive at Koi, he ordered himself a beer and I got a diet coke. I fidgeted with my fingers anxiously as we waited for Nick and Delta to arrive.

“Rosie, calm down. The guy won’t bite your head off.”
“It’s going to be a big shock when I tell him about Samuel.”
“But a shock he can deal with. Leslie will look after him for as long as you need remember?”
“I know, I know.”

Five minutes later he walked into the restaurant. It was like time stopped as soon as he walked into the restaurant. He looked older, more mature and happy. When we got together he was going through a tough time. I could tell Delta made him happy in that moment. Delta walked in, looking as gorgeous and naturally beautiful as ever.

 

I got up and went over to Delta and gave her a hug.
“Hey, I’ve missed you!” I said.
“I missed you too little one. I heard you haven’t been well.”
“I have diabetes now, it’s just a small set back though. Hi Nick.” I said nodding to him.
“Hi Rosie.”
“Come on let’s sit down.” Delta smiled.

 

The two Nicks talked together for a while as we waited for our sushi, Delta and I talked about what else had been happening since I last saw her a year ago.
“So did you make any state teams back in Australia?” she asked.
“Yeah I made the Under 19 New South Wales Team for Basketball and got offered an AIS scholarship for Athletics. It’s just too hard to take it at the moment. I was only diagnosed two months ago so I need to just work my way back into it.”
“Mmm, good girl though for realising that. So tell me, any man on the scene you haven’t told me about?”
“No, no man Delta,” I laughed. “I did get asked on a date by the Sam guy I worked with at the pool a while a go. We still talk.”
“Why didn’t you say yes? He was a cutie.”
“He’s Sam. He’s a complete player, I knew that from the start. Plus why would he want to go out with me? I mean I’m not that attractive, I’m athletic and pretty butch.”
“No you aren’t sweetie. I used to play Basketball and be really athletic when I was your age. You look gorgeous in that dress. I can see why Sam would want to date you. You need to be more self confident. We’ve talked about this before.”
“I know but you know me. I’m stubborn.”
“Oh I know you are!”

Our sushi came out a minute later and everyone went quiet. Once we were all finished, my brother piped up.
“Why don’t you two come around to our place for dessert and just hang out?”
“Sure, we’d love to bro.” Nick replied.

“Delta do you want to come with me? I think Nick and Rosie need to talk.”
“Yeah that sounds great thanks.” Delta said to my brother.

 

As Nick and I walked to his mustang at the back of the car park we looked awkwardly at each other, not knowing who should start the conversation.
“So your brother told me you have something to tell me.” Nick said as he got into the car.
“Yeah I do. Just don’t start the car yet okay?”
“Alright…”
“I had a baby.”
“That’s great Rosie.”
“No… I mean I had a baby.” Emphasizing the baby part.
“How old?”
“Three.”
“Us?”
“Yeah.”
“WHAT? How could you have kept this from me?”
“Well you made it pretty clear the next day that you wanted nothing to do with me anymore. You were the one who threw three years of friendship out the window with a text message.”
“You could have told me that though. Is that why you moved all the way to Australia?”
“Part of the reason. The other was for my sport but yes that’s sort of why.”
“Then where is our kid now?”
“My sister Leslie takes care of him now. I can have him back whenever I feel ready but right now I need to be a teenager and go to university, go to the Australian Institute of Sport maybe have a shot at the Olympics. I need to sort out my diabetes first before I deal with a child. I still feel like one myself.”
“What’s his name?”
“Samuel Lucas Nicholas Carter.”
“That’s a nice name. Is Nicholas spelt my way or your brothers?”
“Yours you idiot.”
“Look Rosie, I’m mad that you didn’t tell me that I had a son. But I’m really proud of how you dealt with it. You accepted that it happened and you took the help when it was offered to you. If I was in your positon who knows what I would have done.”
“I guess we’ll never know because you were never there. Don’t worry no one will find out about your love child. You don’t even have to tell Delta if you don’t want to.”
“Delta doesn’t know?” Nick asked.
“No not at all. No one in Australia does. It was my secret.”
“I thought you tell Delta everything.”
“I never told her what you and I did. I just said I liked you.”
“Well I’m going to tell Delta. If you don’t mind though. If you don’t want me to tell then I’m absolutely fine with that.”
“No, tell her. I can organize for Leslie to bring Samuel up for a day or two so you can meet him. He reminds me of you.”
“How?”
“He looks just like you, curls and all, he’s cheeky and he has your goofy smile.”
“Do you know if he’s diabetic?”
“No, but I have a feeling that because we both have it… he’ll get it.”
“MM, that is so true. How are you dealing with it?”
“I spent last night in hospital because I had ketones and levels over 25.”
“Shit Rosie. How did you manage that?”
“I have no idea. So I’m on a different insulin regime and different insulin so we’ll see how it goes I guess.”
“That’s good. Should we get you home?”
“Probably.” I sighed.
“Rosie, just so you know…” he started.