Forever by emily_michele
Summary:

If someone had told me 14 years ago that I'd be where I was tonight, I'd have laughed in his face. Oh sure, I'd believe the married with children part, and I'd probably believe the career I'd ultimately end up with, but that's where the believability would stop. Never in my wildest childhood dreams would I believe that I'd end up backstage at an NKOTBSB concert giving Kevin Richardson a pep talk before he took the stage for the first time in five years as a Backstreet Boy. This is the story of how I got here.


Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys, Fanfiction > Music > NSYNC Characters: Group, Howie, Kevin
Genres: Dramedy, Romance
Warnings: Death, Sexual Content
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 47 Completed: No Word count: 71062 Read: 75021 Published: 01/11/12 Updated: 08/31/13
Story Notes:

This is my attempt at culminating the fantasies and fanfiction of my 14-year old self and a group of my closest friends at the time. I was inspired to write it all down after attending an NKOTBSB concert this past summer with some of those same friends. Teenybopper fanfic rules do apply because, well, that's what we were at the time. I have, however, tried to grow it up a little.

1. Chapter 1 by emily_michele

2. Chapter 2 by emily_michele

3. Chapter 3 by emily_michele

4. Chapter 4 by emily_michele

5. Chapter 5 by emily_michele

6. Chapter 6 by emily_michele

7. Chapter 7 by emily_michele

8. Chapter 8 by emily_michele

9. Chapter 9 by emily_michele

10. Chapter 10 by emily_michele

11. Chapter 11 by emily_michele

12. Chapter 12 by emily_michele

13. Chapter 13 by emily_michele

14. Chapter 14 by emily_michele

15. Chapter 15 by emily_michele

16. Chapter 16 by emily_michele

17. Chapter 17 by emily_michele

18. Chapter 18 by emily_michele

19. Chapter 19 by emily_michele

20. Chapter 20 by emily_michele

21. Chapter 21 by emily_michele

22. Chapter 22 by emily_michele

23. Chapter 23 by emily_michele

24. Chapter 24 by emily_michele

25. Chapter 25 by emily_michele

26. Chapter 26 by emily_michele

27. Chapter 27 by emily_michele

28. Chapter 28 by emily_michele

29. Chapter 29 by emily_michele

30. Chapter 30 by emily_michele

31. Chapter 31 by emily_michele

32. Chapter 32 by emily_michele

33. Chapter 33 by emily_michele

34. Chapter 34 by emily_michele

35. Chapter 35 by emily_michele

36. Chapter 36 by emily_michele

37. Chapter 37 by emily_michele

38. Chapter 38 by emily_michele

39. Chapter 39 by emily_michele

40. Chapter 40 by emily_michele

41. Chapter 41 by emily_michele

42. Chapter 42 by emily_michele

43. Chapter 43 by emily_michele

44. Chapter 44 by emily_michele

45. Chapter 45 by emily_michele

46. Chapter 46 by emily_michele

47. Chapter 47 by emily_michele

Chapter 1 by emily_michele

If someone had told me 14 years ago that I’d be where I was tonight, I’d have laughed in his face.  Oh sure, I’d probably believe the married with children part, and I’d believe the career I’d ultimately end up with, but that’s where the believability would stop.  Never in my wildest childhood dreams would I ever believe that I’d end up backstage at an NKOTBSB concert in Louisville, Kentucky giving Kevin Richardson a pep talk before he took the stage for the first time in five years as a Backstreet Boy.


    “It’ll be fine, babe.”  I smiled, gave him a squeeze on the arm, and leaned in for a quick peck on the lips.


    “Yeah, it’ll be fine, dad.” Kevin’s eyes widened and he turned quickly toward the voice coming from behind him.


    “When did you get here?” he asked incredulously as he jogged toward his twelve year old son who stood proudly against a red painted cinderblock wall behind us.  I watched with a beaming smile and tears in my eyes as my husband of 8 years melted into Scott’s arms.


    “About ten minutes ago.  And we almost didn’t make it. Security didn’t recognize me and we weren’t on the list of guests allowed backstage.  Chris created a scene so I could run past them without them seeing me.  It was kinda fun, like in a movie.” Scott rattled on with a big grin without taking a breath.  He talked with his hands much like the way his mother always has.


    “Oh,” my face dropped. “Chris brought you...because Mom has band camp this week, right?”  Then Amelia stepped out from behind that red wall he’d been leaning against, and it was my turn to run in that direction with outstretched arms.


    “Well, my assistant director is taking over tomorrow, but we’ve got to get back to Pennsylvania by tomorrow night,” she said matter-of-factly.  My childhood best friend held a hand in front of her mouth and giggled as she leaned into my hug, proud of the little secret she’d been able to keep.  I had wanted so badly for Kevin’s firstborn to be there for his dad’s  ”comeback”, which was appropriately about to happen in his home state in front of thousands of loyal fans and a large part of his extended family.  But his mom, now the band director of a 200-piece award-winning high school band in Clarion, Pennsylvania,  had camp scheduled weeks in advance, and we’d kind of sprung this on her at the last minute. 


    “I know you’re going to think this is strange, but apparently it’s a red flag if a former N’Sync member shows up trying to get backstage at a NKOTBSB concert  Guess they think I’m trying to get in on this great gig?” Chris Kirkpatrick poked his head around the corner, immediately followed by two security guards. Kevin walked over and shook the hand of the man he’d entrusted to “father” his son for about 300 days out of the year.


    “It’s okay guys. They belong here.” Kevin nodded to the two large men in black uniforms and they turned and walked away.


    “So the way I understood it, this is a big surprise to everyone?”  Amelia asked.


    “Just the band and security are in on this one. They’re gonna stage it just like they did at the Staples Center a couple weeks ago, but the guys don’t know.” Kevin smirked just as the first few notes started playing for “I Want it That Way.”  He and Brian had been talking about the possibility of Kevin joining the Backstreet Boys for the rest of the tour and maybe even singing on the album they were set to start recording once the tour ended. Kevin had already been doing some writing for them, and considering the dip in his career lately, he’d really been missing the guys.  Not to say it didn’t take a lot of convincing on my part.  For the past five years or so we’d lived quite the “normal” life.  Oh, he’d do a few appearances here and there, and he did split some time between home and Los Angeles when he’d find a little work to do. The truth is that we’d been living in Lexington, Kentucky, just an hour or so away from where he’d grown up. His mom, though aging, was doing a bit of baby-sitting for us and I was working part-time as a pharmacist at the University of Kentucky Children’s Hospital.  The media thought they were still in LA-- not that the media was really around much these days, but Kevin was enjoying being able to go out in the city relatively unbothered.  Of course, he’d occasionally be recognized by women in their twenties who’s been young teenagers at the height of his career, and he’d sign the occasional autograph and take a few pictures.  Truth is, we’d been happy, but there was always something that was a little different about him- something he was missing.  Tonight, he’d found it.


    As a stage manager ushered him down the long tunnel beneath the far end of the stage, a security guard led the rest of us to a video monitor near we could go out into the audience once he’d made his appearance and the crowd had settled down a bit.  That was when I really started to get sentimental.  Gosh, how I’d missed this.

Chapter 2 by emily_michele



The year was 1997 and I was 18. There were five of us: Cassandra Dale (Cassie), Christina Saylor, Amelia Roberts (who I call Amy because Amelia is a mouthful), Emily Rose (me), and Melissa Rankin. We had just graduated from high school in a tiny town in eastern Kentucky, with the exception Melissa, who was a year older and finishing up her freshman year at the University of Kentucky. We’d been close friends since elementary school and the prospect of going our separate ways after graduation was a little unnerving, so we’d driven to Orlando, Florida, much to the chagrin of our worried parents, to spend the two weeks following graduation. A brochure for Disney’s night club, “Pleasure Island” boasted an ad for open mic night, and we jumped at the opportunity-- mainly because we thought we were so cool to be able to get into a nightclub now that we were 18. Of course, we’d had to wear those brightly colored paper bracelets that announced to the world that we were underage, but we still thought we were “it.” We’d been singing and harmonizing together since late elementary school, and had competed in (and won) several talent competitions throughout Kentucky over the years. That night seemed like a good “last hurrah.”

We’d gone at it a capella, and the song we’d chosen--well, I guess that was fate. I remember the five of us lounging in Amelia’s living room and giggling over this music video on MTV that featured five attractive and near-topless young men singing and dancing in the rain. While we felt their demographic was going to be a bit younger than us, we couldn’t help but realize that A.) They were hot, and B.) They were pretty good. Of course, we had to fantasize just a bit about what might be if we ever encountered them. There were five of us and five of them, and we were about the same age as some of them, a little younger than the rest of them. We were all 18 (and 19) though, so there was this tiny sliver of hope that our dreams could become reality. On the 13 hour drive down, we’d even staked our claims on which Backstreet Boy would be ours.

I was the more mature of the five of us, and the second oldest by about a month and a half. I was the tallest (though 5’ 6” didn’t seem like much of a feat), and a dancer with a dancer’s body (albeit a bit more curvy), which I’d finally started to embrace and feel less awkward in. My curly, light brown hair was fell around my shoulders in long layers, and I’d finally given up on trying to straighten it, especially in the Florida humidity. “18 going on 28,” my mother would always say, which made my father cringe, particularly since I’d tended to date older guys. As a freshman, I’d had my heart broken on more than one occasion by one particular senior boy. Naturally, Kevin Richardson was the one I was attracted to.

Melissa (or Mel) was the oldest, and the shortest. She was loud, dramatic bundle of energy (and still is). Her petite figure was often overshadowed by her big personality, and she’d gotten a headstart on her Broadway dream as a theater major at UK. She’d chosen Howie as her “Latin Lovah.” Ha!

Amelia is the one I was always closest to, which was probably a result of the common bond we shared not only in our similar first names, but also in having the same middle name and similar interests. She, Amelia Michelle Roberts, and I, Emily Michele Rose, had first met when we were only a couple months old (I am about 6 weeks older) in a local restaurant. Our parents had been acquaintances who discovered the name resemblance while they were discussing how neat it was that they had daughters so close in age who would probably grow up together. Amelia, like me, was a bookworm, and both of us played trumpet in the high school band. I’d always been second chair to her first, which I didn’t mind, because I was more interested in singing and dancing while she’d had the bigger interest in music in general. As a trumpet player and accomplished pianist, she’d planned to go to college and major in music education. Emily was eclectic in her taste and of course chose AJ.

Christina was a classic beauty, inside and out. She’d always been the tiniest girl in our class until she hit a growth spurt around freshman year. Her mom owned a boutique in Beckley, West Virginia where they’d moved to in 8th grade after her dad had been laid off from his job as a mining engineer in our dwindling coal town. She was always well dressed, well groomed, prim and proper, but had a hilarious sense of humor, and knew how to let her hair down and have fun. She chose Nick.

Cassie had been a cheerleader/gymnast who transferred to another high school that had a national champion cheerleading squad, but hurt her ankle freshman year, competed anyway, and never did quite get her range of motion back. She was shy, but fiesty, and through no fault of her own, spoiled. We’d spent much of our time in the past years consoling her after she’d fight with her demeaning mother, then having to turn around and remind her that not everyone had a closet full of “Tommy” jeans and old pageant dresses. She chose Brian, whose gentility seemed to balance her. A few years later, we’d see just how true our choices turned out to be.

The performer in front of us finished up his acoustic version of “Tears in Heaven,” and the five of us made it onto the stage. We crowded around two microphones--Christina, Amelia, and I on one and Melissa and Cassie on the other. Amy counted us off quietly and we began to snap our fingers to carry the tempo. “Even in my heart, I see that you’re not being true to me.....” I started with the first line, followed by Christina. We each sang a few lines, joined all five voices for the choruses, and one of us would occasionally ad lib some harmony with whoever was singing the melody. We sounded good. This was something we’d decided to do just for fun, and the five of us had been singing together for so long that it just came naturally. The crowd cheered loudly as we exchanged excited smiles and scrambled off the stage. We could have never expected what happened next.

           A rotund older man in a gray suit approached us within the next five minutes. ‘Excuse me ladies. Allow me to introduce myself.” He held out a hand, and Mel hesitantly reached out to shake it. “I’m Lou Pearlman.”

A few weeks later we found ourselves in a recording studio owned by Jive Records. Next door was a “boy band” who seemed awfully similar to the Backstreet Boys that they were calling N’Sync, and down the hall, a 15 year old named Britney.

My dad had been furious. In retrospect, I can’t say I can really blame him. It’s not every day you see the valedictorian (me) and salutatorian (Amelia) of a graduating class decide to forgo college to chase dreams of making it big in a pop group. Fourteen years later I know I made the right choice, but there were so many times I had my doubts.

***********************************************************************************

 

“Ok ladies, this time let’s try Christina on lead. Amelia, can you try dropping down to alto 1?” This was a common problem as 4 of 5 of us were natural sopranos, but we usually could make it work. Christina and I switched microphones and she began singing.

“Oh baby baby how was I supposed to know....”

Months later, while we were deciding which tracks to include on our first album, the label told us they thought that particular song would be better suited to a solo artist.

That day in the studio was long and hard, and towards the end, we were so wrapped up in our work that two young men slipped into the sound booth relatively unnoticed.  “ That’s a wrap for today girls, but Lou and Johnny (Wright, not only our manager, but also manager for the BSB, N’Sync, and Britney Spears) want to meet with you in the lounge down the hall.” We put away our headsets and filed outside. I led as we began to pass into the sound booth and stopped dead in my tracks. Mel ran right into me and bounced backward into Amelia who subsequently stepped backwards onto Cassie’s toes. It was like an old slapstick comedy.

“Ouch!” Cassie exclaimed.

“What’s going on up there?” Christina asked.

My eyes were wide and my breath caught in my throat. Kevin Richardson and AJ McLean stood just 10 or so inches in front of me. Kevin crossed his arms and winked. I swooned. I leaned forward and whispered, “Do you know who you are?”

They both laughed. “Yeah. We know who we are.” AJ chuckled.

“Just checking.”

“We hear you do a mean version of ‘Quit Playing Games’.” Kevin said.

“Oh that was just a bunch of little girls playing around.” Amelia said quickly.

AJ’s pulled his glasses down below bridge of his nose and his eyes roamed up and down my body. I blushed furiously. “I don’t think I’d call any of you little girls,” he laughed.

Amelia stepped out from behind Melissa and stood in front of me. She looked up at him and smiled nervously. “Nice to meet you, but we, ah, have a meeting.....I’m sure you understand?” She placed a hand on his bicep and gently pushed past him. He turned and watched her rush away.

Cassie hurried to catch up with her. “What are you doing?! Those are Backstreet Boys back there!” she hissed.

“I know,” Amy said through clenched teeth. “But this meeting...this is our career we’re talking about.” She led us into the lounge and we all sat down nervously. AJ and Kevin sauntered in behind us. Kevin sat down beside Mel and AJ plopped onto the empty spot between Amelia and Christina on the couch.

Mel’s eyes widened and she jerked her head around to face Cassie and me. “What in the world?” She mouthed. I shrugged.

Johnny Wright and Lou Pearlman marched in shortly thereafter. “Ok ladies, we have lots of work to do, and not a lot of time to do it in. These gentlemen,” Lou took off his glasses and motioned to Kevin and AJ. “...like what they hear.”

“And see,” AJ muttered under his breath. Amelia rolled her eyes.

“They have a short European tour coming up in 4 weeks and we’ve decided to make you the opening act.” We all gasped in excitement. “But there’s a lot of work to do to get you girls ready. You’ve been working with a personal trainer to get you in shape for the stage, but you’ve done very little choreography. We don’t even have a set list. You can do a couple covers, but you need to be doing your own songs, too. Oh, and you don’t even have a name yet. We’ve noticed you have this cute little ‘Friends Forever’ thing going on, so we’re thinking ‘4-Ever’.” He emphasized the “four” as Johnny wrote on the dry erase board behind him a number 4, a hyphen, then ‘ever’. I crinkled my nose in disgust.  Fourteen years later, I can tell you that Kevin probably did the same.

“Mr. Pearlman,” Amelia said politely. “Don’tcha think that’s a little corny?”

“I don’t know if you’re noticed Miss Roberts, but corny’s what we’re selling here.”

AJ snorted in the background. “Um...there’s five of us.” Mel said. “4-Ever,” she held up her hands and made quotation marks with her fingers. “Isn’t going to make a lot of sense.” The rest of us nodded in agreement.

“Fine. Just ‘Forever’ then. I know you ladies thought you were done for the day, but there’s a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in. You’re meeting with a stylist in 15 minutes,” he glanced at his watch and rushed out.

“See you in the morning ladies. Fatima will be here at 7, and she expects you to be warmed up before then.” Johnny followed Lou out. Amelia crossed her arms and fell back against the couch exasperatedly. Dancing wasn’t her forte....at all.

AJ eyed her and winked. “I like her. She’s sassy,” he thought to himself. He stood quickly, using her knee as a boost.

“Watch it McLean,” she growled. I looked over at her and smirked. She put up a good front, but I knew she was trembling with excitement at slightest touch of her favorite Backstreet Boy.

“Welcome aboard ladies.” Kevin stood and began shaking our hands. Was it just me, or did he hold mine a little longer than the rest of them?

 

Chapter 3 by emily_michele

Five minutes later we stood in a straight line as an obviously homosexual man paced back and forth in front of us, stopping to size each one of us up individually. He would occasionally take notes, both mentally and literally on a small notepad he held in his hand. “Five very different looking young ladies of various shapes and sizes--that’s good,” Stuart thought to himself. He was a little disappointed in our hair colors though. He studied each of them and observed various shades of brown. Emily and Christina sported hair that was almost identical in color and texture: light brown and curly. Emily’s was long and thicker, while Christina’s was cut into a bob and a bit wispier. Melissa and Cassie both had hair that was dark brown, straight, and shoulder-length: Cassie’s with bangs and a hint of red while Melissa’s was more of a chestnut color. Amelia had heavy, thick, and silky dark brown hair that fell down her back and almost to her behind. It was beautiful, but would be a sweaty mess after one high tempo song and dance number. “Well ladies, I guess it’s true what they say about Kentucky-- fast horses and beautiful women.” We all rolled our eyes and glanced at each other. “Or was it the other way around? Beautiful horses and fast women?” He laughed to himself as we shared a collective sigh. We’d all heard that one a million times. “Nah...you five are a little too ‘virginal’. They like that in the bubble gum pop industry. Hmmm...” He placed his spread fingers together and eyes us all. “Who’s willing to go blonde?”


“Emily was blonde as a kid,” Mel offered up, giving me a slight push forward. I put my hands on my hips and turned to glare at her.


“I’ll go for highlights, but just a couple shades lighter.” I crossed my arms defiantly.


“That could work. Are you opposed to extensions?”


**********************************************************************************


Exactly 28 days later, I found found myself in the green room of a huge London arena. I stood in front of a large mirror with my hands on my hips and studied myself. Stuart was a magical man. I had given in to the highlights that now adorned my long hair with dark golden streaks. My hair was parted on the far left side and pinned behind my ear curling neatly into long ringlets mixed with extensions that cascaded around my face and shoulders and down my back. My eyes were lined with a shimmery navy-blue liner and my lips were painted in a subtle red that I was pretty sure was going to take several scrubs to get off. I wore a royal blue sequined tube top that fell just above my belly button. I’d been horrified two weeks ago when Stuart thrust it at me to try on, but weeks of dance practice had sculpted my stomach and I had to admit that it didn’t look bad. I just prayed that the strapless bra and double-sided tape we’d strategically placed was going to hold up.


 


I heard a high-pitched whistle behind me and jerked my head around to look over my shoulder. “Lookin’ good, Em.” Howie Dorough leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed over his muscular chest and one ankle crossed over the other. We met on the plane and became fast friends.


“Guess we’re seat buddies.” He glanced down at his first-class ticket, tucked away his carry-on, and plopped down into the seat beside me. “I’m Howie,” he held out his hand for me to shake it.


“I know,” I said as I nervously stuck my hand out. He raised both eyebrows. “I mean, um...hi I’m Emily.” He laughed, then proceeded to engage me in conversation for the duration of the 10 hour flight from Orlando International to Heathrow Airport.  He was definitely a talker...and a charmer.


“I’m gonna fall on my ass in these things,” Amelia pushed past Howie and marched into the green room with both fists on her hips. She stopped beside me and we examined each other in the mirror


“Stuart’s pretty magical, huh?”


“Yeah, I guess.” She frowned and crossed her arms. “I still think I’m gonna fall on my ass.”


In the background, AJ stopped in the doorway unnoticed. He slung his elbow around Howie’s neck and took in the sight before him. Amelia wore a strapless sequined dress that was a couple shades darker than mine and skimmed over her curves, stopping mid-thigh. Her hair was stick-straight with the front pinned back off her face, making a little “bump” on the top of her head, then falling down her back and stopping neatly at her waist. His eyes followed the line of her legs down to her sculpted calves then stopped on a pair of black strappy sandals with he’d guess about 3 inch heels. “Yep, she’s gonna fall on her ass,” he thought to himself.


“Pick your tongue up off the floor, man,” Howie jested, poking his elbow into AJ’s ribs.


“You’re not going to fall on your ass,” I insisted. “Those shoes are made for dancing. I wore them in show choir for years.”


“Ha! Funny how the one used to singing and dancing in a dress and heels gets to wear pants and tennis shoes. I’m fat. Pants would be nice.”


“You’re not fat!” AJ’s raspy voice rang out from behind us. “Curvy...yes. Voluptuous...yes.” He entered the room and pulled his sunglasses down on his nose.. “Sexy as hell...oh yeah.”


Amelia blushed and turned to face him. “Really?”


“Absolutely.”


Our first performance went off without a hitch and we’d been relatively well-received by the European fans, who were a bit crazy by our standards and probably a little jealous of the five young women who were touring alongside their idols. However, management told us they compared us to the Spice Girls, who had been huge there for years, so that was definitely a plus for us. We weren’t so sure about being called the “next Spice Girls,” but if it got our feet in the door of the music world, it would work for the moment. The ten performers and six bodyguards (one for each of the Backstreet Boys and one for the five ladies) all went out to a club afterwards to celebrate opening night.


 

End Notes:

I know it's a little slow and stereotypical right now, but I promise it does start to get more interesting. Once upon a time, I thought I'd be an English major and write for a living, but that was a long time ago and my education ended up taking completely different path. I'm definitely a little rusty. Reviews? Tips?

Chapter 4 by emily_michele

“Can I buy you a drink?” A low, smooth voice brushed up against my ear and made me shudder. I turned to my left as Kevin gingerly sat atop the bar stool beside me and grinned. I lost myself in his eyes for a moment and swallowed hard.

“Sure, but I don’t think that would be legal.”

He cocked an eyebrow and chuckled. “Actually, Emily, the legal drinking age in pretty much all of Europe is 18. Surely you’re older than that.” His sparkling green eyes danced in amusement. “What? 20?”

“Eighteen. Nineteen next week.” My cheeks burned in embarrassment. Here this older man was doing what? Flirting with me? Nah...just being nice. And here I was admitting that I’m younger than I look.


            He had to fight to keep himself from spitting his beer all over the bar. He was hitting on an 18 year old? Real smooth Richardson. “Oh, uh...sorry.” He mumbled.


            I shrugged, trying my best to keep my composure while my heart beat wildly in my chest. “It’s okay. Common mistake actually. I’ve spent most of my life feeling older than I am.”

 

            “Well, you seem older.” He inched a little closer and smiled as his eyes landed right in front of my face. “A lot older.”


          I raised my eyebrows. “It’s not generally socially acceptable to tell a woman she seems old, Kevin.”

          He closed his eyes and looked down, shaking his head as he laughed quietly. “I’m sorry. I just meant you seemed closer to my age.” He looked back up at me and smirked.

“And your age would be?”

“I turned 26 earlier this month.”

“Oh.” 26 was probably a little too old for me-- at least a little too experienced for me anyway.

“You wanna dance?” He jumped up and held a hand out to me.

“Really?” Shock registered in my head and I tried not to act too star-struck.

“Yeah, really.” He smiled and grabbed my hand, jerking me out of my seat and pulling me towards the dance floor. His hand wrapped around mine was strong, warm, and a little bit painful. I was used to the limp, sweaty hands of nervous high school boys leading me on to the dance floor. This was certainly no high school dance.

“This is a new one by an American group called Next. Get ready to dance a little “Too Close!” The DJ’s strong British accent echoed throughout the club.
Kevin smiled genuinely and stepped closer to me, placing one knee between mine and his hands on my hips. As the bass echoed throughout the club be began to lead me naturally. I was mesmerized with the man who moved so fluidly with me but blushed at the song lyrics and looked down at our feet. The only problem was that our thighs were in the way, which made me blush even harder. One muscular leg clad in dark jeans rested comfortably between my black dress pants and the other gripped the outside of my right thigh. His hands gently guided my hips up and down and when he pushed my body down so that my crotch rested on his thigh, I nearly passed out.

“Relax.” He whispered in my ear, the vibrations of his deep baritone making me shudder. “Have fun.” And we did.

My embarrassment quickly melted away as he moved me along the dance floor swiftly. I tried not to notice the racy lyrics and instead focused on the dance moves. We were essentially “bumping and grinding” but the footwork felt oddly familiar. “Are we doing the tango?” I asked, looking up at him in amusement.

He snorted softly. “You’re the first woman to ever call me out for that on the dance floor.”

Had he just called me a woman? Why was that so strange to me? Maybe because I‘d just graduated from high school a few months ago and still felt like a kid? I gulped and spoke.

 

          “So you do a lot of ballroom dancing in the clubs?” I smirked.

 

“Well, I used to be an instructor in Orlando...before Backstreet.” He shrugged and laughed. “I can’t help it I guess. You’re a good student.”

“Well I guess you’d have to say I’m in the advanced class.” I laughed.

“Yeah....I noticed you in the monitors backstage while you were out there tonight. So you’re a dancer?” He had a thing for dancers.

“Well, I could have been so much better, but I was a little ADD growing up. I wanted to do too much and could never really focus on just one thing, ya know?”

“Yeah. I’d still love to act one day, do some producing, maybe even own a horse farm one day. But the Backstreet Boys thing...it’s great for now.”

“Yeah....” I trailed off, not really sure where the conversation should go next. “So are you counting?” I asked, referring to dance steps.

He chuckled. “Are you?”

“Guilty.”

“Me too.” We both burst out laughing as he placed a hand in mine and twirled me around so that my back was now facing him.

Across the club, several pairs of eyes were locked on the couple on the dance floor. “Wow. Do you see that?” Brian placed his beer on the high-top table, his eyes wide.

“That’s pretty hot...” AJ answered as he pulled his sunglasses off.

Mel giggled loudly, having already had way too much to drink as she held on to Howie’s arm and nuzzled his shoulder with her head. “She always was looking for a man who could actually lead her on the dance floor.”

The dance had started to get a whole lot more interesting when he twirled me around to face away from him. His arms snaked around my waist and he pulled me against him. That was when I felt his erection pressed against my backside. I tried not to laugh at the irony of the song lyrics “I feel a little poke coming through from you.” But come to think about it, I didn’t really feel like laughing. His breath was hot on the back of my neck. I swallowed hard and tried to focus on the dancing, but this was the most erotic thing I’d ever experienced. Not that I’d experienced much in my short 19 years, but I had a feeling that this would rank way up there as one of the most erotic experiences in my lifetime.


When the music stopped, Kevin gulped and pulled his hands off my hips. He looked down and stuffed his hands in his pockets, pushing them out with his fists to try to hide his arousal. “So, uh...do you want to keep dancing, or um....”


          What? This gorgeous man wanted more than one dance with me? ME? “Uh...sure..yeah. I’d like that.” The next song came over the speakers. “So what this time, the paso doble?” I giggled as his hands found my hips again and leaned into me.

          “Now you’re speaking my language,” he replied huskily his eyes darkening slightly. Oh wow, was this really happening? My breath hitched in my throat and my heart beat wildly. There was no way he could be expecting...that...right? I’d never done....that. I coughed and pursed my lips, rolling them between my teeth as I tried to find a way to lighten the mood.

“Seems we’ve been speaking the same language for a while, actually....Did I hear one of you was from Kentucky? Is that you? I think I noticed we have the same ‘twang’ ”

“Yeah. Brian’s from Lexington, and I’m from Eastern Kentucky...Irvine.”


I snorted lightly. “That’s not eastern Kentucky.”

 

“What? What would you know about it?”

“I know you can drive another two and a half hours east of Irvine to get to where I’m from.” I laughed.

“Really? You’re from Kentucky?”

“Yeah....Jenkins...ever heard of it?”

“Um...no.” He grinned sheepishly.

“That’s okay. I’d never heard of Irvine until we drove through it to visit my brother in Richmond at EKU. I won’t even get into the fact that it’s in central Kentucky and they call it Eastern Kentucky University.” I rambled on, trying to ignore the hardness pressed against my hip.


            “Yeah, but anything east of Lexington is considered eastern Kentucky, right?” He laughed and snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me closer into him.


“Seems that way.” I tensed as his body engulfed mine.

“What did I tell you before? Relax.” His whisper made me shiver again.
An hour later, we’d visited the dirtier versions of the lambada, rumba, and even the waltz, and I gasped for air as his hand in mine led me over to the bar.

“So what’s your poison?” He pulled a stool out for me and motioned to the bar tender.

“Water, please.”

He furrowed his brows, thinking, “Well, this is gonna be a lot harder with her sober.”  He ordered me a water and himself a beer and turned to me. Our knees brushed against each other as he tilted his head to one side and started talking. “Well, Emily Rose, so far I know you’re an almost 19 year old eastern Kentucky girl who might have been a better dancer had she not been so ADD growing up. And I know you sing, quite well I might add, with a group of your best friends....tell me more.”

I gulped me water down and sat the glass down on the bar top with a thud. “Um...what do you want to know? I’m not that interesting.”

“I think you’re very interesting.....” He trailed off and looked around the club. “Looks like we’re the only ones left.” Everybody else must have gone back their rooms like sane people who knew their buses were pulling out at 8 AM. “Can I walk you back to your room?”
Naively, I let him, and when he asked if he could come in, naively, I let him do that too. Then, when Amelia wasn’t in her bed, naively, I thought she must have been bunking with Chrissy, who’d drawn the long straw and gotten her own room for the night. When the door clicked closed behind us, Kevin let out a long whoosh of air. “You sure this is your room?”

I blushed and quickly kicked a stray bra under the bed. “Yeah...sorry it’s a mess.”

“That’s okay.” He lied. This room rival’s Carter’s, he thought to himself.

“We only had twenty minutes after we checked in to get to the venue,” I started to explain as I scooped up a pile of clothes and tossed them in to my open suitcase.

He smirked. “You did all this in twenty minutes??”

“Well, um....I had a little help. Amelia’s rooming with me. Or at least I thought she was...” I glanced to her neatly made bed and shrugged.

Kevin sauntered over to me bed and sat down at the foot. He patted the bedspread beside him and I stared at him wide-eyed. “I don’t bite.” He chuckled and I reluctantly sat. “Now where were we?” He pushed a curl behind my ear and I dipped my head to avoid his eyes. He placed a finger under my chin and pulled my head back up so that our eyes met. He smiled and whispered, “I think you’re beautiful.” My lips parted in amazement, and apparently he took that as an invitation because before I could even speak, his lips crashed down onto mine, his stubble scratching my chin in the process.

I wanted to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, but then again, if I was dreaming, I wasn’t sure I really wanted to wake up. Kevin’s hands rested on the small of my back as he continued the assault on my lips. I wiggled a little closer to his lap and he pulled his lips away from mine in a quick grin as he moved one hand up so that his fingers looped through my curls. He felt amazing, and I felt a somewhat unfamiliar tingle when the hand that had been on my back trailed up to my breast. I wanted him to keep going, yet I wanted him to stop all at the same time. I was all about making out. I’d done plenty of that with plenty of boys, but when the man beside me eased by back against the bed, I froze.


“Kevin...I...Ithinkweshouldstop.” It all came out in one rushed breath and he literally jumped off of me. His hands fell on either side of my body, holding all of his weight over me but not touching. He squinted and stared down into my eyes for what seemed like ages, obviously trying to read me. Then he suddenly pushed himself away and landed with a thud on the floor at the foot of the bed. “Kevin?” I scrambled to my feet and looked down at him.

He was sitting with his feet flat on the floor, legs bent, elbows resting on his knees and his head hung down. “I’m sorry....that was really rude of me.”

“No....no, I liked it.” I plopped down on the carpet beside him. “I just, um...haven’t...”

“Oh my god, you’re a virgin.” He tilted his head up and looked at me cautiously. “Aren’t you?”

I smiled nervously. “Well, I’m only 18, and I met my last boyfriend at church camp.”


He chuckled, snorting slightly. “I lost my virginity at church camp.”

“You WHAT?!” I clamped my hand over my mouth, my eyes wide.

He shrugged. “I didn’t say I was proud of it. I just said it happened. Would it make you feel better if I told you camp wasn’t actually in session?”

“No, not really.”

He laughed. “My dad owned a camp. When camp wasn’t in session, it was where the local high school kids went “parking.” Nothing like having sex on the same property you were baptized. But, like I said, not my proudest moment....” He had reached behind him and was nonchalantly folding a thin piece of fabric. My eyes widened in sudden realization.

“Are you folding my underwear??” With the color rising in my cheeks, I yanked my panties from his hand and threw them across the room into an open suitcase.

“Emily, I’m going to have to be honest with you,” he said seriously. “This place is a pigsty.”

Chapter 5 by emily_michele

I awoke the next morning to the sound of the keycard in the door and Amelia stubbing her toe on the leg of my bed, which was the one closest to the door. “Ouch!” she yelped. I sat up to find her literally jumping up and down on one foot and grasping the other.

“You okay?” I asked as I stretched and yawned. Kevin had left around 4 AM and according to the alarm clock on the nightstand it was now only 6:45. I could only hope to be exhausted enough to get some shut-eye on the bus. Sleeping in moving vehicles had never come easy for me.

“I’m fine. What are you doing still in bed?” Amelia asked. She winced as she placed the injured foot back on the floor.

“Um, sleeping.” I sat up and grabbed my glasses from the nightstand, pausing to wipe a smudge off with my t-shirt before placing them atop my nose.

“Oh.” She placed her hands behind her back and rocked back and forth on her heels. She bit her bottom lip as her dark brown eyes danced in amusement.

“What?” I rolled my eyes and eased out of bed.

“Mel saw a certain green-eyed hottie leaving your room last night!” She exclaimed quickly. “What were you two doing?” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

“Talking.” I trudged to the suitcase laying open by the dresser that Kevin had packed neatly as we talked.           

“Oh really?”

“Yes, really.” I said seriously as I looked purposefully at her before shrugging my purple camisole off and putting on a t-shirt.

“Oh.” She frowned slightly and turned to her own suitcase, then shimmied out of her black strapless dress. “Did you two also pack suitcases?”

“Yes, obviously. Why are you in your dress from the club last night?”

“You are so weird. The Kevin Richardson comes to your hotel room, and you fold dirty laundry with him?”

 

“Well some of it was clean.” I insisted. “You didn’t answer my question. Why are you in your dress from last night?”

 

“No reason.” She shrugged, blushing, as she turned her back to me so she could change out of her strapless bra into a sports bra.

 

“I figured you ended up staying with Chrissy last night.”

“I um...did.” She gulped and looked down at her feet as she slipped them into the legs of a pair of gray yoga pants.

“Liar.” I grasped her upper arm and spun her around so that she was facing me again.

“Amelia Michelle, what did you do?” I demanded. She clamped a hand over her mouth and shook her head back and forth furiously. I grabbed her wrist and pulled it away. “What did you do?” I asked again, this time with a little more fervor.


            She clapped her hand back over her mouth, her eyes wide, but happy. “IhadsexwithAJ.” She uncovered her mouth, said it with a gasp, and slapped her hand back in place.


           “You did what???” My eyes widened in horror and she could only grin and blush. “Wasn’t that.....your first time?” I whispered, leaning closer to her.

“Yeah.” She shrugged and zipped her suitcase. She sat it upright and tugged the handle toward her, turning it around so that she could roll it out into the hallway.


           “Whoa whoa whoa. Hold on a minute here.” I scampered after her and twirled her around to face me. “I ask you if it was your first time and the only thing you have for me is a shrug and a ‘yeah’?” I hissed.

“Well, what else do you want? Details? In a hotel hallway?” She taunted.

 

“What was it like?” I whispered, leaning in towards her.

“After the initial pain...” She sighed with this cheesy doe-eyed expression on her face. “It was pretty great.” Amelia and AJ, who she quickly started calling ‘Alex’, continued to spend the nights after our shows in each other’s hotel rooms, and so did Kevin and I, as well as Howie and I. I did a lot of talking that tour. While the friendship with Howie was like having a big brother, the one with Kevin always had just a little air of sexual tension, though neither of us acted on it with the exception of an occasional kiss goodnight. They were always short and sweet though, and more often than not, it was Kevin giving me a gentlemanly peck on the cheek.

 


 

“So are your legs tired?” Nick sat down excitedly on the green room floor beside Christina, who was intently pouring over a Stockholm brochure she’d picked up in the lobby of the venue.

 

“Huh?” She glanced up at him, startled.

“Because you’re been running through my mind all day.” Roars of laughter filled the room and the both of them turned seven shades of red. Kevin and I had been lounging on a couch. My swollen ankle, which I’d twisted in rehearsal that morning, was propped gingerly atop his knee as he thumbed through an old issue of Rolling Stone. Nick hurriedly jumped up and began dashing away, only to trip over an untied shoestring, which sent him sprawling to the floor, landing face down and spread-eagle in the hallway. Howie, Brian, and AJ laughed harder, literally rolling in the floor, which prompted Kevin to throw his magazine to the floor in disgust and gently move my foot off his lap as he jumped up and walked over to where Nick was rolling over and groaning in pain, cupping his nose with both hands.

“Is it bleeding?” Nick whined, uncovering his nose and looking up at Kevin expectantly.

“No, Nick, it’s fine.” Kevin linked his arms under the 17-year old’s armpits and hoisted him up to a standing position, smoothing out his clothes in the process. “So, who put you up to that one? AJ or Brian?”

 

“Both, actually.” Nick put his hands behind his back and looked down at his feet, seemingly kicking imaginary dirt around.

Kevin sighed and rolled his eyes as he turned to the two men sitting quietly in the corner. “He’s still a kid, guys. While the ladies are happy to throw themselves at him, he’s really never had to pick one up before. My guess is that he came to you for advice, and you thought you’d have a little fun, huh?” I laughed silently at the fatherly tone and hands on his hips.

Brian grinned sheepishly. “We didn’t think he’d actually use that one.”

“We fed him a lot of pick-up lines.” AJ shrugged.

 

Meanwhile, Chrissy had quietly pulled a still red-faced Nick outside. “Don’t let them get to you. I thought it was kinda cute.”

Nick sulked and pushed his hands in his pockets as he slouched against the wall, looking down at the floor. “You don’t have to say that,” he murmured.

 

“Actually, I think you’re kinda cute too.” She pulled up to her tip-toes to plant a kiss on his cheek, though with the height difference, it was more like his jawbone. She winked and scurried away as his gaze followed her, mouth agape, with his hand covering the side of his face where her lips had been.

Chapter 6 by emily_michele

“I’m just saying I feel sorry for the kid,” Kevin was saying as he buttoned his shirt in the dressing room. “He didn’t have a childhood, and the only dating he’s ever done is on tour with backup dancers and other celebrities. He obviously likes the girl, and I think you should give him a break.”


“Thanks dad.” Howie grinned and rolled his eyes. “Any girls you’re liking?”

 

“I like girls, yeah.” Kevin shrugged nonchalantly and continued getting dressed. “By the way, is everything ready for tonight after the show? Cake, balloons, flowers, and all that?”

 

“Yeah, it’s all taken care of. Em is really going to be surprised, I think.” Howie continued to smile at Kevin. “You know she told me the other day that she always dreamed of having a surprise birthday party thrown in her honor, and here you are doing it for her. It’s really nice, Kevin.”

“She told me that too. That’s why I’m doing it.”

 

“Kevin and Emily, sittin’ in a tree....” Brian interjected, popping his head up between the two of them.

“Shut up, Brian.” Kevin turned away from him and began changing pants.

“K-i-s-s-i-n-g.....” Howie rolled his eyes and walked out.

Kevin’s eyes’ flared and he grabbed Brian by the scruff of his neck. “I said shut it.”

“Okay, okay, sheesh.” Brian held his hands up in surrender. “Who peed in your Cheerios this morning?”

“She just turned 19 today, and I’m 26. We’re better off friends. Plus, Kristin called today.”

“Oh.” Brian’s eyes widened in surprise. “I didn’t think you two were together anymore.”

“We’re not.” Kevin shrugged. “But she’s going to meet up with us in Prague then ride with us to Berlin. A friend she met in New York when she auditioned for the Rockettes is studying abroad there and she’s going to visit with her for a few days.”

“So, if the two of you aren’t together, why isn’t she going straight to Berlin?”
Brian had a valid point there, and Kevin wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to explain his relationship with Kristin to his cousin without being preached at.

 

“My relationship with Kris is complicated. We’re.....friends.”

“With benefits?” Brian asked in amusement. Kevin shook his head and walked away. He had him there.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I walked into the green room after the show. Balloons, streamers, and vases of colorful flower arrangements seemed to adorn every surface and a large ice cream cake covered a small round table in the center of the room. All five Backstreet Boys, as well as the band and most of the tour employees exclaimed “Surprise!” loudly. It felt like something out of a movie when Kevin dropped an arm around my shoulders and stooped down to kiss me quickly on the cheek. “Happy Birthday,” he said with a wink.

After mingling, eating cake, and opening a few small gifts, Kevin walked me back to my room. “I can’t thank you enough for tonight, Kevin. It was really awesome,” I breathed as I slid the keycard in the door and pushed it open. “You coming in?” I asked. “The other girls agreed to give me my own room for the night, it being my birthday and all.”

He smiled. “I’d love to.” As I sauntered towards the bathroom, pulling bobby pins out of my hair as I went along, his hands fell heavy onto my hips and he spun me around to face him. His lips dropped onto my nose lightly.

 

“Dance with me.” He commanded.

“What? Kevin, there’s no music.” I tried to wiggle away from him but he kept his hands firmly planted on my hips.

“So? Dance with me.”

I sighed and wrapped my arms around his neck. He began to sway slightly. “Okay, we’re dancing, but still there’s no music. Maybe we should...” An index finger fell onto my lips.

“Shh. Dance with me.”

“Kevin this is weird.....” He smirked and bent down so that his forehead touched mine and began to sing.

“I know it’s late. I know you’re weary.
I know your plans don’t include me.
Still here we are now. Both of us lonely.
We’ve got tonight, babe. Why don’t you stay?”

His voice vibrated lightly on my face and I sighed as both of our grips tightened around each other. He chuckled slightly and went into the second verse. By the third verse, his lips were practically touching mine and I could nearly feel every movement, and by the time he’d finished, he’d pinned me against the wall. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he breathed heavily.

“Um, okay.” I squeaked, but my mind was reeling. Okay? He says he’s going to kiss you and the only response you can come with is okay? You’re such a dork, Em. I thought to myself. Before I could say anything else, his lips were on mine, his tongue was in his mouth, and his hands were in my hair. He pulled me away from the wall and pressed his body up against mine as he turned my back away from the wall and walked me towards the bed. I stumbled gracelessly over clothes, shoes, and my half-empty suitcase, but his arms held tightly to my waist and he held me upright until the backs of my knees hit the mattress. He fell on top of me and continued to make out with me for the next several minutes, but it never went any further than that. When we pulled away from each other, out lips swollen and our hair and clothes a mess, he dropped a kiss onto my shoulder and said “Happy Birthday and good-night.” I was little taken aback by this given the song he’d just sung to me, but knew I still wasn’t ready for him to really “spend the night,” so to speak, so also found it terribly romantic. The next morning, we traveled on to Prague, and that was where the rug was swept out from under me.

End Notes:

The song it "We've Got Tonight" by Bob Seger. A guy once sang this to me and I thought it was adorable :)

Chapter 7 by emily_michele
Author's Notes:

Something crazy happened with the formatting when I uploaded this chapter the first time, so if you were trying to read it while I was working on fixing it (i.e. deleting and reposting, I apologize. Hopefully it is fixed now:)

 

We were boarding the buses to head towards the venue and I caught a glimpse of a gorgeous, leggy blonde hanging onto Kevin’s arm as he climbed the steps and ducked inside the bus. I immediately turned on my heel and jogged to Howie, who was bending over to tie his shoe on the sidewalk. I stooped down to him and whispered with wide eyes.

 

“Who’s that?” He finished tying his shoes and pulled me up to stand with him.

 

“That’s Kristin.”

 

“Who’s Kristin?”

 

“She and Kevin have been on again off again, for oh, five years now.” I could see the apology in his eyes.

 

I gulped in an attempt to swallow the lump rising in my throat. It felt like I was swallowing a ball of sandpaper. “I guess this makes them on again,” I said hoarsely.

 

Howie shrugged. “First I’ve heard about it.” Needless to say, Kevin and I avoided each other for the next several days.

 


 

We were at a train station in Berlin when I thought I’d seen a ghost. He has taller and more broad-shouldered than when I’d last seen him, but the back of his head was unmistakable. It was Danny. My Danny. Without even thinking or waiting for him to turn around to confirm his identity, I was yelling out his name. Really, it was ludicrous, seeing as how we were in Germany, and all reasoning would tell me he was somewhere in Kentucky, or at least the southern United States. “Danny!” I was jogging towards him and only a few yards away when he turned to face me. After an initial expression of shock, his mouth widened into an excited smile and he loosened his grip on the military-issued duffel bag that was slung across his shoulder. Three wide strides towards me and he dropped his bag at our feet, his arms were around my waist, my feet were off the ground, my arms were wrapped tightly around his neck, and he was twirling me around, both of us laughing gleefully.

 

He sat me down and placed his hands on my cheeks. “Emmy! What are you doing here?”

 

“Long story. I should be asking you the same thing!” I placed my right hand over his left, which still rested on my face, and savored in the feeling of having him with me again.

 

“I heard you were touring with a singing group. My mom says you ladies are the talk of the town. That’s so awesome. Too bad you don’t have my guitar backing you.” Danny used to play his guitar over the telephone while I sang into his ear. He always told me I’d make it big, and I always told him he was nuts. < />

 

“You’re in the army.” I declared, smoothing a wrinkle out of his camouflaged shoulder.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“It suits you.” Silence fell over us, as we both knew that there really wasn’t time to say everything we needed to say. “So....where are you headed? Or can you tell me that?”

 

He swallowed hard and looked down at his shoes, then took a deep breath and leaned down so that his mouth was against my ear. “Kosovo,” he whispered.

 

My breath hitched in my throat. I had a feeling he definitely wasn’t supposed to tell me that. I searched his dark brown eyes and saw the tears beginning to gather on his long lashes. “How long?”

 

“Indefinitely as far as they’re concerned.” He faked a smile. “But hey, they like me enough to promote me and send me on this big super secret mission. You should be proud of me.”

 

“I’m super proud of you, Danny.” I eyed the embroidered insignia on his upper arm representing his rank and grazed my fingers over it lightly.

 

“Staff sergeant,” he said, puffing up like a peacock and grinning proudly.

 

“That’s amazing,” I said, assuming correctly that was a really high rank for a 19-year old. I cleared my throat and pursed my lips together, then stared down at the ground before looking back up into his eyes again. “I’ve missed you.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry.” He paused and sighed. “Is there any way I can get in touch with you? I mean, it wouldn’t happen much, but...”

 

“Well, the label bought us cell phones. They don’t work everywhere over here, but we’ll be back in the states in a month or so.” I rummaged through my purse to find a pen and paper.

 

Several yards away, Chrissy looked over at the other three girls and asked, “How much time to we give them before we go over and say hello?”

Cassie bit her bottom lip. “Give them another minute.”

 

“So, uh...who’s that?” Kevin bent over and whispered into Amelia’s ear. Subconsciously, he loosened his grip on Kristin’s hand.

 

“That’s Danny Rankin,” Amelia replied, her eyes still transfixed on the “couple” in front of her.

 

Brian raised an eyebrow in Melissa’s direction. “No relation. Well, maybe distantly,” she said quickly.

 

“Who’s Danny?”

 

“He’s her.....um.....” Cassie trailed off and Mel finished for her.

 

“Romeo.” She smirked.

“Her what?!” Howie interjected, whipping his head towards her.


Mel shrugged. “It was a hell of balcony scene they did together their freshman year.”

 

“He’s not her ‘Romeo’,” Amelia insisted, making air quotes as she said “Romeo.” “He’s her friend.”

 

“With benefits?” Brian laughed and was quickly quieted when Kevin’s foot landed hard on the top of his tennis shoe.

 

“Not exactly.” Cassie turned to Kevin and started to explain. “We all grew up together, but the two of them were especially close. Yes, they dated, but in the end decided they were better off as friends. He got into some trouble junior year and got sent away...I guess maybe to military school? She was heartbroken because he never said good bye. They had that whole ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ thing going on before the movie even came out. They agreed to get married if neither is married by the time they’re thirty. I’m not surprised she’s so excited to see him....”

 

“Cassandra!” Amelia hissed. “I think that’s enough information.” She cast her eyes pointedly in Kevin’s direction.

 

“Sorry....” Cassie replied sheepishly.

 

“Huh. By the time they’re thirty? Thirty’s pretty young,” Kevin said.

 

“Says the guy who’s just four years away,” AJ joked.

 

“Well, they were 13 when they made that decision,” Chrissy explained.

 

“But up until he left a couple years ago, they never swayed from it,” Amelia finished for her.

 

Chapter 8 by emily_michele

___________________________________________________________
I heard from Danny much sooner than I’d expected. That night after the show, all ten of us boarded the bus that we had taken together to the venue that afternoon and I went to the back, hoping to be alone. I was physically and emotionally drained after running into Danny, not to mention the whole Kristin debacle. I had sadly watched Kevin put her in a cab before boarding the bus. She had smiled and pecked him lightly on the lips, her hand lingering on his bicep before he gave her a long kiss on the cheek and told her goodbye. I felt like an idiot for thinking something was happening between the two of us when all this time he had a girlfriend. Had he just been working up to getting in my pants? Was that what all the stolen kisses and make-out sessions were about?

My thoughts were interrupted by a smooth baritone speaking from the aisle and the presence of Kevin’s body standing by the seat beside me. “Can I sit here?”

I raised an eyebrow. “I guess.” I shrugged, scooting towards the window.

“I think we need to talk,” he said, turning to face me so that our knees touched.

“What’s there to talk about?”

“Kristin.”

“Oh. Don’t worry about it Kevin.” I jumped as my cell phone rang from my tote bag on the bus floor and stooped down to grab it. I didn’t recognize the number on the screen, but answered it anyway, since I really didn’t feel like talking to Kevin at the moment. “Hello?”

“Hey! I hope it’s not too late to be calling you,” a familiar voice said excitedly on the other side of the receiver.

I glanced at my watch. It was 11:30. “Danny! No, it’s not too late at all. We actually just finished up a show and are heading back to the hotel. I’m usually pretty hyped up for at least a couple hours after getting back from a show, so it’s a perfect time to call.”

“I’m in Belgrade and heading on into Kosovo tomorrow. I don’t really know when I might have phone access after this, so I thought I’d try calling you tonight.”

Kevin sighed from the seat beside me and patted my knee as he stood up. “Later,” he mouthed.

I nodded and shooed him away. “I’m glad you did, Danny. I was really disappointed we didn’t get to talk more today. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I would even hear from you.”

“Why would you think that? This is me we’re talking about here.”

I bit my lip to try to stop myself from saying what I wanted to say, but it came out anyway. “Exactly. Two years ago you started acting like an idiot and got in trouble for it, then you disappeared without a trace, and not even so much as a good bye. Why would I expect to hear from you?” The bus slowed to a stop at the service entrance of the hotel and I stood up, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

 

“Ouch.” Danny was silent for a few moments then cleared his throat. “I guess I deserved that.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Will you at least let me explain?”

 

“Absolutely. I’ve been waiting for an explanation for two years.” I trampled down the steps and caught a glimpse of the back of Kevin’s head entering the hotel surrounded by bodyguards.

 

“Who ya talking to?” Christina whispered as we walked towards the door.

 

“Danny,” I mouthed to her.

 

Her eyes widened then she smiled. “Tell him I said hey.” Danny had been Chrissy’s first boyfriend back in seventh grade.

 

“Christina says hi by the way,” I told him.

 

“Oh, tell her hi for me too.” He laughed. “So um....the thing about juvie is that they don’t really let you have any contact with the outside world.”

 

“I know that Danny.” We got into the elevator and started riding up to the tenth floor. “But you obviously got out. Still, I heard nothing from you, though.”

 

Chrissy, who was my roommate for the night, leaned towards me. “I think I’ll stay with Amelia tonight, and give you some time to talk,” she whispered. I nodded and turned my attention back to Danny.

 

“I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me after I did what I did,” he muttered.

 

“Danny, I’m still furious with you for what you did, but you know I love you. Of course I would have wanted to talk to you.” I held the phone between my ear and my shoulder while I fiddled with the lock on the door and pushed it open. I kicked off my shoes and dropped my bag on the floor.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

I groaned as I climbed into the bed and pulled the covers up over me. “That doesn’t change the fact that I’ve missed you and worried about you for two years.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Quit telling me you’re sorry and tell me what you’ve been up to.”

“Sorry...erm...I mean uh....” We both laughed. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything.” I snuggled my head into the pillow and prepared myself.

“Well, uh....after they found the pills in my locker they checked my car and found them there too. And then they found some....money with them.”

“I know. Small town, remember?”

“Yeah. So, uh, the judge decided to go easy on me since I’d never really been in trouble before and sentenced me to 12 months. I got my GED while I was in the detention center and enlisted the day I got out.”

“I never knew you wanted to join the military.”

“Well I never really did when I was younger, but I had a lot of time to think about what I wanted to do with my life, and I figured I was already such a screw-up that I should really try to do something meaningful for society. I can’t think of anything more meaningful than serving my country.” I could hear the earnestness in his voice and also the shame.

“That’s amazing Danny, but I’ve gotta tell you.....You’re not a screw up. You screwed up, yeah, but you’re not a screw-up. You’re one of the greatest guys I’ve ever known.”

“I don’t know about that.....,” he trailed off. “Does that mean I still have a chance?”

I gasped but smiled. “You’ve always had a chance Danny.” My thoughts fell to the past as I thought of all the wonderful things he’d done for me. “What other guy would squeeze into a pair of tights to fulfill my fantasy of doing the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet, or play his guitar for hours while I sang, take me to the homecoming dance when my date backed out, listen to me bitch for hours about my stupid boyfriend, hold me when I’m crying over everything from my grandmother dying to getting a bad grade?” It all tumbled out of me and for a moment I thought of Kevin and the surprise party he’d thrown for me on my birthday a couple weeks prior. It was definitely the type of thing Danny would have done.

“You don’t know how much that means to me, Em.” He chuckled. “You’re the girl who showed up at every baseball game I pitched in wearing a foam finger with my number painted on it, the one who would visit my grandmother and talk to her for hours, who gave me my first kiss, and just FYI, you’re still the only woman my mom says she’ll allow me to marry. I’ve missed you so much, Emmy.”

“Danny....” A single tear fell down my cheek and onto the pillow under my head.

“Can I ask you a question Emily?”

“Yeah.....”

“Why did we break up?”

“At the moment, Danny, I don’t really know. But honestly, when you started using the drugs, I would have broken up with you then. You know how I feel about that crap. Why’d you do it?”

He sighed. “I don’t know. I found some painkillers in my dad’s medicine cabinet from a surgery he’d had, and I liked the way they made me feel. Then, I got into the wrong crowd at school, but to them I was cool.”

“You didn’t seem so cool to the rest of us.”

“I know. But I was accepted. You know I got a lot of flack from the guys at school for pretty much only having friends that were girls.”

“They were probably jealous, you know. You were surrounded by ladies. They should have thought of you as a role model,” I giggled.

He laughed. “Well, that’s true, but you know, there were always the gay jokes. I was a guy hanging out with a bunch of girls and never getting any.”

“Well, that’s not entirely true...” I jested.

“Yeah, well, you were different. I couldn’t really kiss and tell when it came to you.”

“I appreciate that, Danny.” We were comfortably silent for several moments.

“So tell me about your tour. I can’t say I’ve ever heard of the Backstreet Boys, but judging by the big, burly men surrounding all of you at the train station, I’d say they’re a pretty big deal?”

“They’re huge in Europe, but they’re starting to get big in the US. Howie says they used to call the states ‘no-fan land’. Have you ever heard that song ‘Quit Playing Games With my Heart?’”

“Oh yeah. I like that song!” He lowered his voice to just barely above a whisper. “Don’t tell anyone though.”

I laughed. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

“So, who’s Howie?” He asked, suddenly serious.

“Oh, he’s one of the guys. We’ve become really good friends.” I told him matter-of-factly.

“So, there’s nothing else going on there?”

“No, Danny.”

“Oh come on, there’s five 18 and 19 year old girls and five guys in their teens and twenties and there’s nothing freaky going on behind the scenes?” He questioned in amusement. “Yeah right.”

“Well....I just said there was nothing going on with me and Howie....”

“So tell me about the other guys,” he insisted.

“Well, there’s Nick. He’s 17 and crushing hard on Chrissy, oh and total cutie,” I gushed.

“Come on, Em. I’m not one of your girlfriends.”

“Well you asked!”

“Fine.”

I went on. “Then, there’s AJ, or as Amelia calls him, “Alex”. He’s Mel’s age, almost twenty, and obsessed with getting new tattoos.”

“Hmm...why does Amelia call him Alex?”

“Well, AJ’s short for Alexander James,” I explained.

“But why does Amy call him Alex?” he asked insistently.

“Because they’re friends.”

“Like you and I were friends?”

“Well, not exactly....” I trailed off.

“Ooh,” he taunted. He was really getting into this.

“I thought you weren’t one of my girlfriends,” I joked.

“Hush and just tell me if she’s doing him.” He demanded.

“Yes,” I replied simply.

“Oh.” He paused. “Really?! Little Amelia?”

“Yep. She’s drinking too. I’m a little worried.”

“Well, she’s a big girl, and you know how sheltered she always was. She’s going to have to make her own decisions,” he assured me.

“Like you made your own decisions?” I jabbed.

“Touche`.” He jabbed back. “Seriously, though. I think she’ll be alright.”

“I guess. But I still worry,” I lamented.

“Of course you worry. You’ve always been the mama bear.”

“That’s true. So anyway, that’s AJ, then there’s Brian. He’s a Kentucky boy. Played sports in school, real down to earth, a jokester. Reminds me of you in a way.”

Danny smiled. “So do you like him?”

“Um, no....not like that.”

“Oh.”
 
“There’s something about him that’s a little ‘off’....I can’t really put my finger on it, though. Like maybe he doesn’t feel well sometimes. I dunno. Anyway, so that’s the guys,” I declared, avoiding talking about Kevin on purpose and praying he wouldn’t ask about him. No such luck, though.

 

“I thought I saw five of them this morning? Howie, Nick, AJ, Brian....” I imagined him ticking them off on his fingers. “That’s only four.” I sighed, knowing I was caught. “Who was that tall, brooding one? The one with the eyebrows. Why didn’t you tell me about him?” he asked.

 

I groaned. Unfortunately for me at the moment, Danny knew me too well. “That’s Kevin,” I said quietly.

 

“And what’s going on with Kevin?” he urged.

 

“Nothing. Not anymore.” I took a deep breath and let it out. “There might have been some flirtation there, but it turns out he has a girlfriend,” I said shakily.

 

“This Kevin guy sound like a jerk to me,” he spat hatefully.

 

“He’s not a jerk....I guess maybe we just had a misunderstanding is all.” I shrugged. “A big misunderstanding.”

 

“I think he’s a jerk.”

 

“He threw me a birthday party,” I said, suddenly defending him.

 

“Sounds like something I would do,” he recanted.

 

“Yeah.....I guess maybe that’s one of the reasons I liked him.” Danny was silent.

 

“Danny? You still there?”

 

“Listen Emily, I don’t know that I can just sit here and listen to you talk romantically about another guy. Seeing you today....” I could hear him gulp audibly over the phone. “It stirred up a lot of old feelings.”

 

I blinked back tears, not even understanding why I was crying all of a sudden. “I’m not going to lie to you, Danny. It did for me too.”

 

He groaned. “So what are we going to do?”

 

“You’re going to Kosovo tomorrow, Danny, and I’m going to Vienna, then going back to the States in a couple weeks to finish up an album, then god knows what. We live in completely different worlds now. If this were another time and another place, I’d absolutely consider giving this a go.” I choked back a sob.

 

“Shhh Emmy, don’t cry. It’s not like I’m expecting you to wait around for me, I just....” He was interrupted by a loud bang and shouting.

 

“Yo Rankin! Quit tying up the damn phone!”

 

I glanced at the alarm clock on by bedside table in my hotel room. It was 12:45. “Wow, we’ve been talking over an hour,” I announced. “It feels....”

 

“So much shorter, I know,” he finished for me. “Listen, I’ve gotta go, but promise me something?”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Can we keep our deal? If we’re both in the right place at the right time, and maybe even if we’re not, marry me in eleven years? Or at least give ‘us’ a shot?”

 

I nodded, tears still streaming down my face, then realized that he couldn’t see me. “Yeah, Danny. Absolutely.”

 

He beamed. “I love you, Emmy. I’ll think about you every day,” he breathed.

 

“I love you, too. Be safe.”

 

“Well now I have a really big reason to do my damndest to come back in one piece, don’t I?”

 

I laughed. “Let’s not say goodbye okay?”

 

“See you soon, Em.”

 

“See you soon.” I mashed the off button on my cell phone and leaned over to plug it into the charger on my nightstand, then drifted off to sleep wondering just how far away “soon” was. I also smiled thinking maybe it wouldn’t take eleven years.

 

_______________________________________________________

 

My cell phone rang at 2 AM a few days later while we were in Paris I bolted upward in bed with my heart racing. It’s never a good sign when your phone rings at 2 AM. “Hello?” I answered shakily.

 

“Rosebud.” It was my dad, whom I hadn’t spoken to in months, and he was using his pet name for me.

 

“Dad?” I heard him breathe heavily on the other end of the line and clear his throat. He always had distinct mannerisms on the phone when he was about deliver bad news and I detected them easily.

 

“Are you alone?”

 

“N-no dad. Amelia’s here. The phone woke her up.” Amelia frowned and got out of her bed and into mine. I gulped and braced myself, already fighting back hot tears, and I didn’t even know what he was calling about. In my mind, I prayed it wasn’t my mom or my brother, or dozens of other relatives.

 

“Joan Rankin called a few minutes ago.”

Chapter 9 by emily_michele

I gasped. “It’s Danny.” I said quietly. Joan was his mother, who had adored me and took every opportunity to tell me she hoped I’d become her daughter-in-law someday.

“Is there some way Amelia can hear this too?” Dad asked gently.

I turned on the speakerphone. “Okay dad, it’s on speaker,” I said as loudly as I could in my shaken state.

“He’s been in Kosovo.”

“I know.”

“You do?” Dad was obviously confused, but didn’t push the issue. “I’m sorry, Em. There was a car bomb. He died instantly.” I put my free hand over my mouth as loud sobs racked my body and hot tears flooded my cheeks. Amelia hugged me fiercely and rested her head on my shoulder as silent tears fell down her own face.

After several moments, I managed to croak out a “Thank you for calling, Daddy.”

“Where are you hon?” He asked.

“Paris.”

“I always knew you’d be a world traveler. I just didn’t expect it to happen quite like it did. Let me know what I can do to get you home for the funeral. I assume he’ll be at Shurtleff’s,” he said, referring to the only funeral home in our tiny hometown. “I’ll call you when I know about the arrangements, okay?”

“Okay dad.”

“I love you, Rosebud.”

“I love you too, Daddy.” As I hung up the phone and started to bury my face into Amelia’s shoulder, there were three loud raps on the door.

“Everything okay in there?” It was Howie.

“Don’t answer it. I really don’t want anyone to see me like this,” I pleaded.

Now the knocks were louder. “Let us in!” AJ’s voice bellowed. I remembered that the two of them were rooming next door and Amelia and AJ’s shenanigans earlier in the night had proven that the walls were paper thin, so they must have heard my cries.

Amelia pulled away from me, sniffled, and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I’m going to answer it before he breaks the door down.” I nodded and flopped down on the bed, burying my face in the pillow. I really didn’t feel like seeing anyone at the moment.

When Amelia opened the door and AJ saw her tear-stained cheeks, his face immediately fell. “What’s wrong?” he asked solemnly.

“Um....Emily’s dad called a few minutes ago. You remember Danny that we ran into in Berlin?” AJ and Howie nodded. “He um...got killed by a car bomb.” She blinked rapidly to try to quell the tears, but there was no use. They once again streamed down her face and AJ pulled her into a protective hug.

“Where is she?” Howie asked, his face ashen. Amelia nodded into the darkened room towards the bed. He reached me in just a few long strides and knelt down beside the bed where my face was hidden in the pillow, my body still shaking with sobs. “Em, I’m so sorry.” He pushed a piece of hair behind my ear and rubbed my back as I cried. Honestly, I was trying my best to ignore him. That was how I dealt with grief-- by closing myself up from the outside world.

“Go away, Howie,” I mumbled.

“Not happening, Em.” I sighed and attempted to crawl away from him, but he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me tightly in place. “What can I do?” he asked quietly, his lips close to my ear.

“Nothing!” I sobbed, my voice muffled by the pillow.

“Okay. Fair enough.” He reached out and flipped the lamp on the bedside table on. His hand rubbed a large circle along the space between my shoulder blades. After several minutes, I raised my head up from the pillow, mainly to get some air. When my eyes met his and saw the genuine kindness and concern in them, it just caused a new onslaught of tears. I buried my red,blotchy face in my hands and he pulled me into a warm embrace, still standing on his knees beside the bed. Reluctantly, I linked my arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder. “Do you want me to, um....I could call Kevin...” he said gently.

“No, no. Kevin’s...complicated.” I hastily wiped the tears from my cheeks with the backs off my hands. “I just need a friend tonight.” I looked up at Amelia, who was still standing by the door, her hand clasped in AJ’s.

“I need to go tell the others,” she said meekly.

“Do you want me to go with you?”

She shook her head quickly. “No, I can do it. You okay?” She cocked her head to the side and studied my face closely.

“No, not really, but......yeah, go ahead.” It didn’t really make any sense, but she understood. She nodded and turned to go out the door with AJ trailing behind her.

I looked back to Howie, who gave me a sympathetic smile and gently nudged me so that I scooted over in the bed. He climbed in beside me and gathered me into his arms so that my head rested in the crook of his neck and his legs were entangled with mine. He stroked my forearm slowly and dropped a kiss on my forehead. “You should try to sleep,” he whispered.

“It wouldn’t work anyway,” I sighed. I noticed that he was wearing pajama pants and nothing else. Ordinarily, it may have been awkward, but I only found comfort in the warmth of his skin and the gentle thump of his heartbeat against my shoulder.

Chapter 10 by emily_michele

A few hours later, we had our first experience of Lou Pearlman’s true animosity. The five Forever girls and Donna Wright were huddled around a telephone on speaker in a small conference room in the hotel. “Absolutely not,” Lou said firmly. “He wasn’t a relative, and I don’t see why you girls feel like you need to go to the funeral.”

“Lou,” Donna said gently. “He’s a very close friend who was killed fighting for our country. I think the fans would understand. Besides, they’re going to the concerts to see the Backstreet Boys anyway. No offense, ladies.”

“None taken,” Mel smiled weakly.

Donna continued. “Howie told me this morning that they’d be willing to lengthen their show, maybe throw in a couple extra numbers to make up for the loss of an opening act.”

Lou was silent for several moments, almost like he was considering it. Then he finally spoke again. “Exactly how close were the two of you, Miss Rose? Was he your boyfriend? This could make a hell of a story in Seventeen.....Heartbroken newcomer to the pop world draws inspiration from loss... Hmm...” I could literally see the dollar signs in his eyes and felt like I was going to be sick.

“No. Absolutely not,” Mel snapped.

“Mr. Pearlman, sir,” Christina cut in gently. “We’d just like to go pay our respects to our friend and let him rest in peace and with dignity. Surely you can understand that.”

“What if we cut your soundchecks short and cancel your radio interviews for the next couple days, but you still perform at your concerts? That way you’d have the opportunity to grieve properly.”

“Lou,” I leaned forward on the table and five pairs of eyes turned to look at me. “I’m going. The funeral’s Tuesday at 11:00. If we leave after the show tonight, we could be back in time for the show in Manchester on Wednesday, so we’d miss two shows tops. This isn’t negotiable,” I spat out. The rest of them were shocked at my boldness, but I made no apologies for my pissed off attitude.

Turns out, it actually was negotiable. The rest of the girls agreed to stay behind and continue the shows without me after Lou threatened to fire us from the rest of the tour and offer the next gig he had lined up for us to Britney. Amelia was extremely reluctant to let me go by myself, but finally relented when she knew that I’d only be alone while in the air, and I insisted that I was so exhausted that I’d probably be sleeping most of the time anyway. Howie and his bodyguard dropped me off at the airport and my older brother Ryan was waiting for me as I stepped off the plane at JFK in New York City.

He smiled sadly as I bounded towards him and wrapped me in a protective bear hug. “I’m so sorry, Em,” he murmured into the top of my head as fresh tears coursed down my cheeks. “How long is your layover?”

“Three and a half hours,” I stammered, wiping my face and pulling my carry-on up higher on my shoulder. He immediately grabbed it from me and draped his arm around my shoulders.

“That gives me time to take my baby sis to my favorite restaurant for lunch,” he said as he lead me outside and to a taxi.

“How’d you get out of class?” I asked. Ryan was in his first year of medical school at Columbia and had been living in New York for just a few months.

“We just finished up the last block of exams before semester finals yesterday, so there’s not going to be too much going on in my classes anyway. I’ve got a buddy who takes good notes. I surely wouldn’t miss this,” he said gently, wrapping his arm around my neck and pulling me close. I burrowed my head into his shoulder and attempted to blink back more tears.

A few minutes later, we were sitting in a little bistro in Brooklyn. After the waitress had taken our orders, Ryan cocked his head to the side and peered at me from across the table. “So how’s it been going? Besides the whole ‘my best friend just died, life sucks’ thing?”

I cleared my throat. “Things were going pretty good, I guess. I mean, touring Europe with the girls as the opening act for international pop stars is the stuff dreams are made of.”

“Yeah....for you it definitely is.” He grinned. “So, are the paparazzi going to start following me around soon because I’m the older brother of a celebrity?”

“Meh- I doubt it. It’d be pretty cool though, huh?”

“Absolutely.” Ryan smiled, but his face fell when he noticed I was now staring down my glass of iced tea, stirring it with my straw and avoiding eye contact. “Em? What’s wrong?”

“Dad hates it.” I was a daddy’s girl through and through, and to think he was disappointed in me almost made me want to just stay in Kentucky after the funeral and go to college instead of going back on tour.

“Of course he does,” Ryan matter-of-factly. “We’re talking about the guy who taught you long division when you were five. How was he supposed to know you would turn out to be so multi-talented?” I blushed and continued studying my drink quietly. “You never did take compliments well,” he stifled a laugh and I smiled wearily. “Don’t worry about Dad. He’ll come around,” Ryan assured me.

“I hope so,” I whispered. Our food arrived and Ryan engaged me in small talk until he put me on a plane headed towards Lexington and made me add him to the list of people I was supposed to call when I landed, which was already comprised of Amelia and Howie.

My parents picked me up at the airport and nothing was mentioned about how I was letting them down by not going to college. The three hour ride home was pretty much silent and mom immediately got to work on preparing spaghetti (my favorite) when we got there. Dad took me to the visitation that night and both of them went to the funeral with me the next day. It was just as one would expect a funeral for a 19-year old to be--horribly depressing. If I thought I was heartbroken before I saw Danny’s mom, my heart was literally in a million pieces afterwards.

I told my dad that I was planning on taking an online college class starting in January on the way back to the airport, which brought a genuine smile to his face. As we were waiting for my turn to board the plane, he told me he was proud of me. If it weren’t for the somber occasion that had brought me back to Kentucky, I would have been beaming.

Amelia and Donna picked me up at the airport in Manchester and took me back to the hotel. It was after midnight and had been a scheduled day off for the group before our two final shows in Manchester and Dublin. Donna told us goodnight as we stepped off the elevator on our floor and Amelia began leading me towards the room we would be sharing, but I soon stopped dead in my tracks. In my exhaustion, I had to rub my eyes to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, but sure enough, there they were. Melissa and Howie were in quite the compromising position near the end of the hallway. Her back was up against the wall and one of her legs was hiked up around his waist while they kissed each other hungrily.

“Whoa,” Amelia muttered. “Well, that’s news to me.” She ushered me into our room and asked if I was okay with being alone for a few minutes while she let the others know we were back. I assured her that I’d really rather be alone anyway.






Chapter 11 by emily_michele
Author's Notes:

I'm pretty proud of this chapter so let me know what you think! Please?

About a minute later, there were several gentle raps on the hotel room door. I sighed and sauntered over to it slowly, stretching and yawning along the way. “Did you forget your--oh.” It wasn’t Amelia at the door. I stood frozen with my hand on the doorknob and gulped. “What do you want?” I asked shortly.

Kevin was propping himself up with one hand against the door frame and eyeing me cautiously, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. He smiled sympathetically and gazed at me for several moments before speaking. “How are you?” he asked gently.

I slumped my shoulders tiredly. “Exhausted.”

He nodded knowingly. “By the time I found out, you were already on the way to the airport. I should have called.” He kept staring at me with this overt concern on his face and I could feel the waterworks coming on again.

“No, it’s okay,” I stammered. I could feel myself breaking down again and I was powerless to stop it. “I-I’m sorry,” I whimpered, burying my face in my hands and crying for what felt like the thousandth time in the past three days.

Kevin stepped across the threshold and pulled me into his arms, letting the door shut behind him. “Shh, Emmy. I didn’t mean to make you-”

I pushed him away furiously. “Don’t call me that!” I shouted, backing away from him.

He furrowed his brows and held up his hands in defense. “I’m sorry, I...what?” he asked, clearly confused, as he cocked his head to the side.

“Emmy! Danny always called me ‘Emmy’!” I wailed, dropping to my knees and sobbing.

“Oh, Em. I’m sorry.” He took two long strides and sank down onto the floor in front of me. I stared down at the carpet, my vision blurred with tears and my shoulders shaking violently.

“Emily, look at me.” He placed his index finger under my chin and tilted my head up so that our eyes met. “I’m sorry,” he said earnestly.

I nodded weakly. “I don’t really know how I’m supposed to just keep going on with my life,” I admitted shakily, wiping the tears from my cheeks with my fingertips then clasping my hands together and placing them in my lap.

“It gets easier,” he said solemnly as he covered my hands with his. “It always hurts, but as time goes by, it gets easier.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What would you know about it?” I asked, peering at him dubiously.

He sighed. “My dad died.” Then he paused. “Six years ago.”

“Oh.” I bit my bottom lip. “Sorry. I- I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay. I don’t talk about it much.” He shrugged and looked down at our hands that were still clasped together in my lap. His shoulders were slumped over and for the first time since I’d met him, he looked small.

“Kevin?” I scooted a little closer to him so that our knees were touching and pulled one of my hands from his grasp and placed it on his shoulder. “You okay?”

He jumped a little and pressed his palms to his eyes, sniffling. “Of course. I”m fine,” he insisted with a fake smile. Yet, his eyes were rimmed with red.

“No you’re not. You’re not fine, I’m not fine, we’re not fine.” The tears started coursing down my cheeks again and he sighed, scooting over and sitting down beside me. I leaned my head on his shoulder and sobbed.

“This kind of opened up some old wounds for me,” he admitted solemnly as he locked a strong arm around me and rubbed my shoulder with his hand. “I couldn’t get my mind off of you the entire time you were gone.”

I pulled away and eyed him suspiciously. “Really?”

“Yes, of course.” He sighed and rubbed his hands up and down my arms. “I care a lot about you, and to think you’ve been hurting so badly....”

“What about Kristin?” I blurted, guessing now was as good a time as any to talk about her.

He knit his brows together in confusion. “What about her? This isn’t about Kristin,” he said pointedly. “It’s about you....and Danny. He obviously meant a lot to you.”

“Yeah.....” I trailed off and looked away from him with my hand over my mouth. I tightly squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears that were welling up again. I was so tired of crying. “I just....I don’t understand why God would bring him back into my life to just snatch him away again, and this time forever,” I stammered.

“Oh Em. It’s so easy to blame God for this stuff, but...”

“I thought I was going to marry him,” I interrupted. Kevin nodded. “I mean, he’s the only guy who I can ever imagine truly loving me for me, who loved everything about me despite all my faults and failures.”

He cocked his head to the side and placed a hand upon my cheek, brushing away a tear with his thumb. “You don’t think very highly of yourself, do you?

My face crumpled. “I guess not,” I whispered, avoiding his stare.

“You’re still young. I know God has a man in mind for you, who’s going to make you believe all the things you don’t believe about yourself. Maybe Danny’s a step on the path to finding him. Give it some time.” He placed another hand on my cheek so that he held my face in his hands, then pressed his lips to my forehead. I took in a deep breath and let it out, then closed my eyes and cried harder. He kept holding on to my cheeks as my tears rolled across his fingers, then he leaned his forehead against mine, shushing me quietly. I soon felt the soft scratch of his goatee on my skin, and he was kissing my cheeks over and over, moving from one side of my face to the other with feather-light touches of his lips, tasting the salt of my tears. I opened my eyes in shock and stared into deep green for only a second before leaning forward and crashing my lips onto his.

He groaned quietly as my fingers found their way into the soft spikes of his short hair, then granted my tongue access to his mouth. His hands brushed past my ears and his fingers entangled themselves in my curls. His tongue pressed against mine and he nibbled lightly on my bottom lip, eliciting a guttural moan from the back of my throat. My mind and body were in overdrive and the tears continued to fall. Kevin’s hands snaked their way down to the hem of my shirt and gently kneaded my tense lower back as my hands rested lightly on his hard chest. I blinked and could feel our wet lashes brushing up against each other in a sensual “butterfly kiss.”

The kisses came harder and with more intensity as he splayed his hands out on by back and pulled me into his lap. I straddled him shakily and his hands massaged my wobbly thighs as we ground against each other. I gasped as I pulled away from him and bit my swollen bottom lip. I knew where this was going and for the first time in my life felt totally ready to go there. I smirked at Kevin and my hands went to the bottom of my shirt, pulling it up and over my head. He furrowed his brows and pursed his lips together before leaning up and dropping his lips lightly on the tip of my nose. I climbed off of him and grabbed both of his hands with mine, pulling us up to stand. “Em...” he whispered.

“Shh.” I placed a finger over his lips and turned towards the bed. His eyes followed me warily as I sank onto the bed and unclasped my bra, pulling it off and letting it drop on the comforter beside me.

He stood still like a deer frozen in headlights. “Emily, no. Not like this,” he whimpered, walking gingerly towards the bed. “Put your shirt back on.” He stooped down and picked it up then held it out to me.

I didn’t accept the shirt. “Kevin, please,” I begged, scooting backwards towards the pillows. I started to unbutton my jeans but his hands suddenly gripped my wrists hard.

“I can’t do this with you right now,” he said through clenched teeth.

I felt the familiar stinging in my eyes and looked up at him. He was kneeling on the bed with his hands still wrapped around my wrists and his body hovering over mine. “Kevin, please. I....I love you,” I breathed as I leaned up to kiss his jawline. He flinched and pulled away.

“Em, no. I can’t,” he pressed on. “You’re hurting and you’re too young for me to take advantage of this.” He dropped my wrists and put his hands on my cheeks, staring purposefully into my eyes. “I’m sorry.” When he backed off the bed and turned to walk out of the room, I knew that my non-relationship with Kevin Richardson was over.

Chapter 12 by emily_michele



The tour ended two days later and we were back in Orlando to do some recording on our album for the next couple of months. With the money we’d earned (which wasn’t a whole lot), we were able to rent a condo that the five of us shared in Kissimmee. AJ, Nick, and Howie were occasional visitors, which was fine with me as long as they didn’t bring a certain other bandmate. We got some time off for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and the run-in with Kevin and Brian at the Bluegrass Regional airport on December 28th was horribly awkward. They were of course in first class though, so I didn’t have to endure a 2-hour plane ride with Kevin, who I’d basically been avoiding since that night in Manchester, England. When Lou and the Wrights invited us to join the guys on the first leg of the Backstreet’s Back tour in the US and Canada, I was both stoked and worried- Stoked because the Backstreet Boys were starting to get big in the United States and it was a huge opportunity for us, but worried because I was afraid the entire tour would feel pretty much like those few minutes in the airport.
_____________________________________________________________

“Right together, left together, pivot turn, pivot turn, slide left, body roll, slide right....Hey Cass, you okay?” I was leading dance rehearsal in Charlotte about two weeks into the tour when I noticed Cassie hunched over with her hands on her knees and breathing heavily. Everyone stopped mid-step and turned to look at her.

She straightened up quickly and wiped the sweat from her brow, then plastered a smile on her face and said, “I’m fine. Just getting a great workout. Mind if we take five?” She finished with a slight wheeze then started walking towards her water bottle on the edge of the stage. She plopped down and slung her legs over the edge of the stage, then took a large gulp of water. I watched her shoulders rise and fall sharply as she gasped and cast a worried glance over at Amelia and Christina. Amelia shook her head solemnly and Christina sighed. “Cassie, where’s your inhaler?”

She turned and glared at me. “On the bus. Why?” Chrissy turned and ran towards the stage door headed for the buses.

“You know why,” Amelia answered for me. “Cassie, you’re having an asthma attack.” Cassie’s childhood asthma had been severe-- to the point of multiple hospitalizations and even a few near-death experiences. Unfortunately, Cassie had always been an avoider. If she didn’t admit it, it wasn’t happening. Amelia, Chrissy, and I, having all been in the same class as her when her asthma was at its worst in junior high, had grown accustomed to noticing the signs and symptoms, helping her to manage them, and knowing when she needed medical attention. I worried that she may soon progress to that point if we didn’t take action.

“No I’m not,” she insisted. “I’m just a little winded. Actually, I feel much better. Let’s get back to work.” She struggled to get back on her feet, wheezing audibly.

“Well, if you’re fine, you’ll humor us and use your inhaler...at least once,” Amelia bargained with her.

“You know I hate how those things makes me feel.” She crossed her arms and sucked in a shallow breath. “They make me so jittery I feel like I’m about to jump out of my skin.”

“Well, then I say practice is over for now.” Amelia crossed her arms, matching Cassie’s stance and stared her down.

“Fine.” Cassandra swayed and sat back down carefully.

“Cass?”

“Maybe you better get me that inhaler,” she panted.

Mel tore away towards the back door, running as fast as her short legs could carry her. “Chrissy, thank God,” she breathed as she saw Christina jogging towards her in the back hallway. “We need to hurry!” She turned and ran back towards the stage, but was quickly halted when Johnny Wright and Kevin stepped out of a dressing room.

“Whoa there.” Johnny held his arms out in front of him and placed them on Melissa’s shoulders. She stopped, annoyed, as Chrissy breezed on past them. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“Cassie’s having an asthma attack!” she exclaimed.

Johnny and Kevin exchanged worried glances. “Cassie has asthma?” Johnny questioned. “She didn’t put that on her medical release.”

“I don’t really care right now, sir.” Mel pried herself away from his grasp and ran towards the stage, with the men following her closely. When they arrived, Cassie was seated and frantically sucking on her inhaler while Amelia, Chrissy, and I knelt around her. Her hand had a vice-like grip on the device and the other was balled into a tight fist. I tried to pry her fingers out of her palm but they were essentially frozen there.

I looked up at Kevin.” We need help.” Her hands drawing up was a sign of lack of oxygenation to her extremities, and I worried that she was going downhill fast.

Kevin started fumbling through his pockets. “Shit. I don’t have my phone!” He turned around and placed his hands on Mel’s shoulders, stooping down almost as if he were talking to a child, but really it was because of the drastic height difference. “Brian’s asleep on our tour bus,” he said calmly. “Go wake him up and ask him where the oxygen tanks are. Then tell him to call Steve and get him to the stage immediately, okay?” Mel nodded and tore back out of the stage doors.

She arrived at the bus in record time and jogged past the bodyguard outside and bounded up the stairs. “Brian!” she screamed.

“What the--?” He peeked his head out from behind a set of curtain and looked at her like she had two heads.

“Cassie’s having an asthma attack and Kevin said you would know something about oxygen tanks? And who the hell’s Steve?!”

Brian jumped into action and scrambled to put his shoes on. He grabbed his cell phone from his bunk and pressed the number “1” as he began leading Melissa off the bus “Hey Steve.....No I’m fine....really I am. Actually, it’s Cassie, one of the girls in our opening act. She’s apparently having an asthma attack, and Kevin thought you might be able to help.....She’s um....where is she?” he asked, turning to Mel.

“On the stage,” she answered.

“She’s on the stage. See you there.” Brian turned off his phone and shoved it in his pocket. “Oxygen,” he said to himself more than to Mel. He led her to a closet backstage and he opened it, pulling out a handful of tubing. “Hold this for a minute, will ya?” She obliged and he fiddled with a mask and tubing for a second, then starting jogging towards the stage, wheeling an oxygen tank.

“Who’s Steve?” Melissa prodded.

“My nurse,” he said quietly before rushing over to Cassie. Her lips were now tinged blue and her eyes were panicked. His eyes flashed with worry and he stooped down beside her, gently pulling the elastic of the oxygen mask behind her head to that the mask rested over her mouth and nose. “It’s okay Cassie. Just slow down,” he soothed, stroking her hair. Her breath was now only coming in fast, squeaky rattles, and she slumped over, her head falling into his chest, unconscious.

Chapter 13 by emily_michele


The next few moments were a blur of frenzied activity. A tall, slender man with red hair, who we later learned was Steve, rushed onto the stage and checked Cassie’s oxygen level, which was at 75%, and promptly began barking orders. Kevin scooped her limp body into his arms and ran to the loading dock, which, after all the stage equipment was unloaded, had been made into an ambulance bay for Brian in the event that he needed it. Amelia and Chrissy climbed into the ambulance with her and they were whisked away to the nearest hospital. I stood frozen in place on the loading dock and Mel placed a hand on my arm. “I’m going to go call her parents,” she said gently. I nodded and kept staring straight ahead in the direction the ambulance had sped away.

I don’t know how long I stood there before I heard the sound of a heavy door being pushed open and soft footsteps padding towards me. I didn’t turn around and didn’t flinch when a warm hand landed on my shoulder. “I heard all the commotion and ran into Mel in the hallway. She told me what happened. Do you need someone to take you to the hospital?” Howie’s voice echoed in my ear and I turned to look at him.
“What’s going on with you and Mel?” I asked. Avoidance was good.

He squinted his eyes and tilted his head to the side, but apparently decided to humor me. “We’re just messing around, having a little fun if you will.”

“You know she thinks you’re incredibly hot....”

He blushed. “I think she’s pretty hot, too.” He sighed. “If it turns into something more, great, but if not , we’ve talked about and I think we’re both okay with that.”

I nodded and stared back out into the street. “So you’re sleeping with her?”

“Yeah,” he admitted. We stood there quietly for a while and he rested his head on my shoulder.

“You know, I’m really tired. I think maybe I’ll go take a nap before we have to be in hair and makeup.” I turned on my heel and took a step forward, but his hands immediately flew out to stop me.

“Emily, I think you should go to the hospital and check on your friend.” His eyes, which were the same color, but several shades darker than my own, seemed to bore holes through me.

“I can’t right now!” I hissed, pushing past him. He didn’t fight me and I ran back inside the building. I soon found myself in what I’d dubbed “the piano room” because it was this big room in the basement of the venue that had about 10 pianos in it. There was one big black grand piano in the center and three or four baby grands scattered throughout the room and uprights lined the wall. I assumed there must have been some music classes held in the venue. I sat down at a baby grand and grazed my fingers over the keys. I pounded out some chords then played some melodies with my right hand, then played some more chords. I didn’t notice the other person in the room until he literally sat down on the piano bench beside me.

I jumped nearly three feet in the air. “Jesus Christ, Kevin! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!” I snapped, glaring at him.

He smirked in amusement. “Is there a reason you only play one part at a time?” Apparently he’d detected my air of avoidance.

I could feel my face getting hot. “That’s all I know how to do,” I answered sheepishly.

“Hmm...” he placed his fingers on the keys and played a little bit of some vaguely familiar hymn (both parts of course).

“Hmm, what?” I asked suspiciously.

He shrugged. “I just find that a little hard to believe is all.”

“Seriously. I can read the music fine, I can play the chords with my left hand, I can play the melody with my right, and I just can’t put them together.”

“Really?”

“Really! Give me a microphone and I’ll sing and dance at the same time like a pro, but ask my hands to do two different things on the piano, and it’s just not happening.”

He smiled. “Maybe you just need a good teacher.”

“Oh, and who’s that going to be? You? Yeah right.” I started to stand up and he put a hand on my shoulder and sat me back down, then he started playing the bouncy opening chords to “Heart and Soul.”

“Well, go on.” He nodded towards my right hand which had naturally become poised over “middle C,” and I laughed as I started playing the melody. We went through the entire song about 3 times before he stopped and turned to me, suddenly looking very serious.

“So....You hidin’ out?” he asked.

I groaned. “Howie sent you didn’t he?”

“Nope, but he is wandering the halls looking for you and muttering something in Spanish. I think it’s cuss words,” he said with a smirk in his southern drawl.

I rolled my eyes. “Then what are you doing here?”

“Why aren’t you at the hospital?

I crossed my arms. “You don’t answer a question with a question.”

“Fine.” He crossed his arms to match my stance and turned to straddle the piano bench face me. “I wanted to see if you were okay, which obviously, you’re not. Now you answer my question. Why aren’t you at the hospital? What are you hiding from?”

I could feel myself crumbling under his stare and my breath hitched in my throat. “I can’t lose two of my best friends in two months. I just can’t.”

“What makes you think you’re losing Cassie?” he asked, suddenly very concerned.

“She used to do this a lot, and the number of near-death experiences....well, I’d rather not recount them all. I’m afraid her luck’s gonna have to run out sooner or later.” I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and swiped my fingertips under one of my eyes to keep a tear from falling.

“So you’re hiding in the piano room?”

“Yes.” I buried my face in my arms which fell down on the piano, producing a loud, dissonant chord.

“Emily,” Kevin said, placing a hand on my shoulder. I stayed still. “Emily!”

“Go away!” My voice was muffled by my sweatshirt.

“No,” he said sternly. “You need to go check on your friend. You don’t want to hear of something happening when you could have been there do you?”

“I just want it all to go away.”

“Well, it’s not going away, so I recommend you get up, go to the hospital, and find out how Cassie’s doing.” The piano bench shifted as he stood up. “Come on.” I peeked out from under my arms to see his hand sticking out in front of me.

“No.” I kept my head buried in my arms. He sighed loudly and shoved the piano bench out from under me. “Hey!” I shouted at him as I went flailing onto the tile floor.

“Emily Rose, I’m going to say this just once, so you better listen.” He stooped down and started scolding me, shaking his finger at me and everything. “You are being totally irrational. Sure you’ve been hurting because of Danny, but Cassie’s not Danny. She’s sick in a hospital far from home and she needs her friends. I’m not saying she’s going to die, but it I’d had even one more second to spend with my father, I’d have taken it. So, you are going to get up, pull yourself together, and go see about your friend. Got it?”

I stared up at him with wide eyes and managed to squeak out an “Okay.”


“Okay then, let’s go.” He held his hand out to me and I took it, letting him pull me up out of the floor. He slung his arm over my shoulder and bent down to kiss me on the forehead as we walked out of the room.

I tensed. “Don’t push it, Kevin.”

He jerked his arm away and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Sorry.”

Chapter 14 by emily_michele


When we got to the hospital, the doctors and nurses would only divulge limited information because we weren’t immediate family.  They only told us she was “stable.”  
Cassie’s mom, Dianne, was on the way, as Charlotte was only about 4 ½ hours from home, and she had been on the road about an hour.  All we could do was wait until she got there before we could get any more information.  We sat in relative silence with the exception of some small talk until Mel asked the question she’d been pondering over the past couple hours in between worrying about Cassie.

    “So, why does Brian need a nurse?”  Kevin and Howie’s heads snapped in her direction.  “What?  That Steve guy, Brian told me he was his nurse.  I didn’t mean for it to be a touchy subject.” She held up her hands in defense.

    Both men relaxed visibly.  “Brian told her he has a nurse,” Howie said pointedly at Kevin.  Kevin nodded and started explaining.

    “He’s had a heart murmur since birth.  He was a really sick kid. When he was five, doctors actually told Aunt Jackie and Uncle Harold to start planning his funeral.”  He had this far off look in his eyes as he was obviously remembering something pretty painful.  I realized that when Brian was five, he would have only been nine.  “He’s basically fine for the most part, but all the singing and dancing can be a bit much for him sometimes, so to make his doctor happy and to help with the liability insurance, they hired a nurse for him.  End of story.”  Howie bit his bottom lip as Kevin finished, and I imagined there was more to it than that, but let it be for the moment.  

    Amelia’s cell phone rang and she grabbed it off the waiting room end table.  “Hello?  Oh, hi Donna.”  She paused.  “No, we don’t know anything new.  Her mom is supposed to be here in about three hours.”  I leaned over to glance at Howie’s watch.  It was 5:00 and technically we were supposed to go on in an hour and half.  Amelia sighed.  “Let me ask the girls.”  She covered the mouthpiece with her hand.  “She wants to know if we can go on without her since we’re not going to know anything for a while anyway.”  We looked back and forth at each other.  

    “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to be pretty distracted worrying about her,” Christina spoke up.

    “True,” Mel acknowledged.  “But we’ll just be sitting here worrying anyway and not really accomplishing anything.  If we went and did the show and came straight back after our act, we’d probably get here just a little after Dianne.  What are we really accomplishing here?”  She had a point, so begrudgingly, we went with Howie and Kevin back to the venue and performed without her.  Our performance was shaky at best, as we’d barely had enough time to get dressed and get on stage, without so much as a warm-up. We’d had to ad lib her solos, one of us jumping in whenever needed, and of course the blocking in the dance routines was all off. Management also asked us not to say anything about where she was to the fans.

    When we arrived back at the hospital to find Cassie’s mom chatting happily with her doctor. “Cassandra is doing well,” Dr. Marshall was explaining.  “We were finally able to stop the bronchial constriction with epinephrine, albuterol nebs, IV steroids, and oxygen then wean her off the ventilator over a few hours.  She’s resting now, and is likely going to need some medication adjustment to try to avoid another asthma exacerbation as bad as this one.  I’d like her to see her pulmonologist sooner than later, and she needs to take it easy for a few days, but I think she’ll be fine.”  It was a huge relief.  We had to go on to the next stop on the tour without her, but her parents drove her to meet up with us in Louisville two days later.  She insisted on performing in that show since we were in our home state and all of our families, plus Brian and Kevin’s families were there.

    It was three days later in Detroit while Cassie and Brian were both sitting out of rehearsals when she approached him and sat down beside him in the seats on the arena floor.  “Oh, hey Cassie.  How are you feeling?”

    “Much better.”  She shifted in her seat and leaned back to watch as two different dance routines were practiced on opposite sides of the stage.  “I just wanted to say thank you for your help the other day.  If it wasn’t for you and Steve, I may not even be here.”

    “You gave us a big scare.  I’ve gotta admit I did a lot of praying that day.”

    Cassie smiled.  “Thanks. I really appreciate that.  I did a lot of praying too.  Well, when I was conscious.” She laughed lightly and Brian smiled half-heartedly.  “So, I know why I’m sitting out of practice....what’s your story?  And why is there a Steve?”

    Brian laughed and then looked down at his shoes.  “You get straight to the point, don’t you?”

    “I’m just curious.”  

    He sighed and stretched, then leaned back in his chair, clasping his fingers behind his head and crossing his feet on the floor in front of him.  “It’s a heart thing.  I’ve had it since I was a baby, and all the touring gets tough sometimes, so there’s Steve.”

    Cassie raised an eyebrow.  “Tough enough for oxygen tanks backstage and a personal nurse? What kind of heart thing?”

    “A hole.  All the singing and dancing makes it hard for my heart to pump oxygenated blood to the rest of my body, so there’s the oxygen.”

    Cassie nodded.  “I know all about the oxygenated blood thing, remember?  My pulmonologist insists on checking out my heart occasionally, because if you add a bad heart on top of bad lungs, it’s....”

“Bad news.  Yeah, I know,” Brian finished for her, nodding knowingly.   “The cardiologist is always checking my lungs.  So far, so good, but-” He stopped suddenly.  “Never mind.”  His body fell out of the reclined position and he went back to sitting up with his shoulders slumped over and his head hanging down.

“Brian?”  Cassie leaned over his knees and looked up at his face.  “But what?”

“Nothin’.”

“Oh come on.  You know all about my medical dirty laundry.  I think it’s only fair I know about yours.”

Brian laughed then turned serious again.  He looked into her eyes, which were shrouded in nothing but friendliness and concern and pursed his lips.  “The hole’s getting bigger.  Apparently I’m making my heart work too hard and it’s starting to fail under all the stress.”  His icy blue eyes clouded with tears and she gasped.

“Is there anything they can do?” she half-whispered.

“I need surgery.”

“When are you having it?”  She asked, assuming he’d already planned to get it done.  

“I don’t know.”  He looked back down and starting playing with a some loose thread near a hole in his jeans.

She straightened up in her chair and leaned forward.  “What do you mean you don’t know?!”  she chastised.

“I mean we’re busy.  I’ve had to reschedule it a couple times,” he replied, never looking her in the eye.
   
“What do you mean ‘we’re busy’?  This is your life you’re talking about!  I’m sure the guys would understand that,” she insisted.

    “It’s not the guys.  It’s management,” Brian explained.

    “Who gives a flying flip about management?  You need the surgery!”

Brian couldn’t help but chuckle at her outburst.  “Who gives a flying flip about management, huh?  Now you’re starting to sound like Leighanne,” he laughed.

Cassie furrowed her brows.  “Who’s Leighanne?” she asked.

“My girlfriend.”

“Oh.”  She silently prayed that he couldn’t see her blushing in the dimly lit auditorium.  It was no secret (except maybe to Brian) that she’d had a big crush on him for months.  She cleared her throat.  “I um...didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”  

“Well, management doesn’t like that either,” he mused.  

She giggled.  “I guess they wouldn’t.”  They fell into a comfortable silence and started studying the dance routines on their respective sides of the stage.  Brian scheduled the surgery a week later.

Chapter 15 by emily_michele

 

 

The Backstreet Boys were back in Europe in March and April while we we spent time recording and learning some new material. They took a break from touring for several weeks after Brian had his heart surgery in May. We spent some of May in the studio then got invited to open for N’Sync, who were starting to make a name for themselves as well, likely catapulted by the BSB’s rising popularity. Joey Fatone turned out to be a fantastic way to get my mind off of Kevin Richardson.

 

 

 

“Hey, uh...whatcha doin?” I sensed the presence in the business office of the hotel we were staying in before he sat down at the conference table across from me.

 

 

 

I looked up from my laptop, where I had been furiously typing away for the past hour. “Working on a research paper for this online class I’m taking.”

 

 

 

Joey grinned at me. “I’m impressed. You’re the only pop star I’ve ever met that takes college classes while touring....or ever really.” He chuckled.

 

 

 

I buried my face back in the laptop screen. “It’s just one class at a time, and it’s English 101, so it’s easy stuff. Just have to find the time to get it done and an internet connection. Hence, I’m in the business center.” I smiled at him and went back to working.

“You must be pretty talented to be calling it easy. I’d be flunking out.”


 

“I guess.” I shrugged. “I just want to have something to fall back on, you know?”

 

 “I don’t know, actually. This is all I’ve really got going for myself, so I just have to hope and pray we’re successful, I guess.”

 

 Yeah, well, you’re in a famous boyband and I’m just a girl in your opening act. There’s a difference,” I replied nonchalantly.

 

 Are you serious? Have you heard yourself sing? Seen yourself dance? Taken a look in the mirror?” He lowered his voice with the last question and I jumped when I realized he was now standing with his hands pressed on the table, his face hovering just inches away from mine. My breath hitched in my throat and there was a mechanical beeping as my hands fell down on the keyboard haphazardly.

 

 What?” I stared up into his honey-colored eyes incredulously.

 

 You’re gorgeous....and talented...and apparently smart too.”

 

 What?”

 

 He jerked upright and rubbed one hand along the back of his neck looking down at the ground, obviously embarrassed. “Sorry, I um...”

 

 I looked back at my laptop and started erasing the stray characters I’d left on the document I was working on. Was this guy serious? Honestly, most of the time I felt mediocre at best.

 

 “Do you want to go out to dinner with me sometime?” He was now crouching down beside my chair so that his lips were right at my ear. My god, this man was apparently a ninja.

 

 "You mean like a date?" I asked wide-eyed.

 

 "Yeah, like a date. And by date, I mean you, me, and my bodyguard Kenny in case there are any pre-teen girls at the restaurant. He promises to sit at another table, though, unlike my last date." I raised an eyebrow. "I'm kidding," he whispered.

 

 “Oh, and the ninja thinks he's funny,” I thought to myself.

 

 "I think we're safe as long as we don't bring Justin along."

 

 Okay, maybe he was a little funny. "I know what you mean. We couldn't take Nick anywhere," I giggled. So, I accepted and found myself sitting outside on the deck of a little Italian restaurant for lunch the next day. Once we got to thinking about it, dinner wasn't going to be so practical unless we waited until the tour was over, which wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

 

 “I hope you like pasta,” Joey said, unwrapping his silverware and placing the cloth napkin in his lap. “This place kind of reminds me of my mom’s cooking, so I try not to pass it up whenever I’m in town. I hope it’s okay.”

 

 “It’s great!” I smiled and grabbed a breadstick, breaking off a piece and chewing it thoughtfully. “I love pasta, and breadsticks obviously.” I was on my second already and they’d only just taken our orders.

 

 He laughed and grabbed a breadstick of his own. “I love a woman who knows how to eat.” He grinned across the table at me. “So, tell me about Emily Rose.”

 

 Well, um....what do yo want to know?” I took a sip of my water.

 

 "Everything.” My eyes nearly bugged out of my head and my heart started racing. He was being very forward, which was making me nervous. “I’m sorry. I’m being a little too forward aren’t I?” Wait. I didn’t say that out loud did I? “I just think you’re pretty great.” He reached a hand across the table and it landed gently on top of mine. For a second, I wanted to pull it away, but I didn’t.

 

 “Well, I’m 19. I grew up in this tiny little town in eastern Kentucky that you’ve never heard of. I love to sing, I love to dance, I love pasta, I love my family, I miss my family.....”

 

 “Tell me about them,” he encouraged, rubbing his thumb lightly on the top of my hand.

 

“Well, um...I have an older brother, Ryan, who just finished his first year of medical school at Columbia....”

 

 “So he’s smart like you.”

 

 “Ha! Smarter, of course,” I scoffed.

 

 “I doubt that. In case you forgot, I think you’re amazing.” His eyes caught a glint of sunlight and he smiled at me again. Man, he smiled at me a lot.

 

 I blushed furiously. “So, then there’s my parents. My dad is a railroad engineer and the assistant girls basketball at the local high school.”

 

 “A railroad engineer? That’s awesome.” He said it like he was an eight year old boy and I giggled.

 

 “Well, we live in coal country, so they transport a lot of coal. My mom’s a special education teacher and the most patient person I’ve ever known. I guess she had to be, growing up as the youngest child in a family of nine brothers and sisters. Which brings me to the rest of my family....I obviously have a lot of aunts,uncles, and cousins. Family get togethers are crazy, but I love them.”

 

 Joey chuckled. “I know all about the big and crazy family get-togethers,” he said knowingly.

 

 “So tell me about your family,” I said, happy to get an out.

 

 “Well, we’re Italian and from Brooklyn, so we’re big, and loud, talk a lot, and eat a lot of awesome food.” He smirked.

 

 “Brooklyn, huh? That’s a lot different from a little old town in eastern Kentucky. How come you don’t have an accent?”

 

 "Well we moved to Florida when I was thirteen, and the voice lessons and acting classes kind of made me lose it along the line, I think." When I started to reply, he tensed a little, though it took me a little while to understand why.

 

 "I'm sure Johnny and Donna are wishing we'd taken those acting classes and voice lessons. I don't think they're too fond of our accents. I think I heard some promoter say once that maybe we'd be better off doing country music." I rolled my eyes.

 

 "I happen to think your accent's pretty sexy.....oh crap, I'm sorry." He pulled his hand away from mine hastily. His eyes darted back and forth as he grabbed the napkin from his lap and dabbed at his mouth then cleared his throat and straightened up in his seat

 

 I sat there dumbfounded wondering "What the heck just happened here?" but soon noticed Joey look over his shoulder and give Kenny a quick nod. Kenny winked and settled his gaze on something, or rather someone, who must have been behind me. I heard footsteps coming from my right side and turned my head to find a young teenage girl, probably about thirteen or fourteen, hurrying towards our table.

 

 "Oh my gosh!" she shouted excitedly. "Aren't you....?

 

 Joey stood up and held his hand out cordially. "I'm Joey. Nice to meet you"

 

 "Oh yeah...you're Joey from N’Sync. Nice to meet you too, but I was talking to her," she said politely, gesturing towards me.

 

 "Oh." Joey sat back down dejectedly and I had to bite my bottom lip for a few seconds to keep myself from laughing before turning my attention to the girl.

 

 "Who? Me?" I asked, pointing to myself in surprise.

 

 "You're Emily. From Forever, right? You guys opened for the Backstreet Boys when I saw them in concert a few months ago. I thought you were awesome! My big brother has a picture of you on his bedroom wall that he stole out of my Tiger Beat magazine. You're dating Howie D., right?" She was talking so much that I’d assumed I have time to take a sip of water to wet my suddenly dry throat before I had to talk to her, but she asked that question just as I was swallowing. It must have gone down the wrong way because suddenly I was coughing and sputtering and Joey had jumped to his feet and rushed to my side to rub my back.

 

 "You okay?" he asked once I had pulled myself together.

 

 "Yeah. Thanks." I turned my attention back to the girl who grinned sheepishly and held out a napkin and a Sharpie. I took them both and scribbled out my signature, then handed them back to her. " Thank you so much, and no, I'm not dating Howie. He's more like a big brother figure to me. It was really nice to meet you,um..."

 

 "Samantha," she finished for me.

 

 "Yes, Samantha. Thank you so much."

 

 She turned to Joey. "Can I have your autograph too, Joey?"

 

 He beamed and reached for the napkin and marker. "Absolutely." I leaned over and watched as he scratched out a personal message to her then signed his autograph. We posed for a couple pictures and she bounced away happily.

 

 "I didn't even think to write a message to her," I sighed.

 

 "Oh, I took care of that. Mine said, 'We had a blast meeting you' and I signed my name right next to yours,” Joey replied proudly.

 

 "Thank you." I was grinning like the Cheshire cat. "I have a fan!" I squealed. “And I didn’t even know our pictures were in Tiger Beat!”

 

 "Oh, I'm sure you have more than one fan," he said seriously, placing his hand back where it had been on top of mine before we were interrupted. "You've probably got at least a dozen or so.” I laughed and smacked his arm playfully. “And as for the pictures in Tiger Beat, of course your picture is in Tiger Beat. You’re hot!” I could feel myself blushing again. "Now what's this I hear about you dating Howie?"

 

 "I assure you, I'm not dating Howie, or anyone at the moment for that matter," I answered him

 

 He smiled and squeezed my hand and I felt his foot canoodling with mine under the table. "That's very good news, but about the whole ‘not dating anyone’ thing..... What if you were dating me?"

 

 

Chapter 16 by emily_michele

Within a few days time, Joey and I were stealing kisses backstage and sneaking on to each others’ buses. Joey was everything I needed at that point in my life. He was cute, he was sweet, he treated me like a princess, and he was a total goofball, which kind of made him seem like the “anti-Kevin.” It was perfect. All too soon, though, our few short weeks touring with N’Sync were over and we were going back (my popular demand, I might add) on tour with the Backstreet Boys. While the rest of the girls had forged friendships with the other members of N’Sync, Joey and I were the only ones that were hearbroken with the turn of events.

He and I were standing outside of Forever’s tour bus after the last N’Sync show we opened for. “I don’t want you go to.” He pouted and snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me close so that our hip bones were touching. I wrapped my arms around his neck and laid my head on his chest as he bent his head down to kiss my hair before resting his chin on top of my head.

“I don’t want me to go either. These past few weeks have been amazing, Joe.” I sniffled and buried my face in the large Superman emblem on his t-shirt.

“Hey.” He loosened his grip on my waist and pulled my face up with his hands so that I was looking at him. “Don’t cry. I don’t plan on saying goodbye to you for a long, long time, okay?” He grinned and tilted my head upwards then pressed his lips to mine. We kissed for literally about five minutes until we were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing her throat behind us. We pulled apart reluctantly and turned in the direction of the offending cough.

“Sorry guys, but you’re uh, blocking the door to the bus.” Mel’s eyes danced in amusement as she slung a duffel bag over her shoulder and started walking towards us.
Joey grinned sheepishly and grabbed both of my hands. Then he took three gigantic steps backwards along the side of the bus, dragging me along with him as I giggled. “This better?” he asked Mel.

“Yes, much.” She rolled her eyes and tromped up the stairs.


“Good. Now where were we?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively as he jerked me closer to him. I laughed and interlaced my fingers with his, squeezing both of his hands as I stood up on my tip-toes to kiss him again. He smiled against my lips and squeezed back. “See you in New York?”

“Absolutely.” I nodded excitedly. We were playing Radio City Music Hall in ten days and N’Sync had a couple days off around that time, so Joey was going to meet us there.
“Do you think it would be okay if I came to TRL with you? I mean, I’d of course bring Kenny and hide backstage, but I don’t want to miss seeing you experience it for the first time.”

Did I mention we were scheduled to make a TRL appearance? We’d recorded a video a couple months earlier for what would become our first single, and when our management sent it to MTV, they were immediately interested because we’d spent the past several months opening up for the two biggest up and coming pop groups in the industry. Yeah, it was kind of huge.

“I’d like that,” I answered with a nod.

“Good, because I was coming anyway,” he said with a smirk. “Then there’s the issue of the VMAs,” he continued on.

“Joey, I don’t even know if we’re going. I mean, the tour is stopping for a couple days so the guys can go, of course, but...”

“But I want you to go. With me. Please?” He pouted and conjured up some tears into those big, brown puppy-dog eyes.

I rolled my eyes at his acting skills and sighed. “I’ll think about it, okay? Have you even run this by Johnny?”

“Nope, and I don’t really care what he thinks about it. I want to take my girlfriend to the VMAs with me.” He pulled me into a tight hug and squeezed hard. I could barely breathe, but squeezed him back just as hard. His breath was warm against my hair. “I’m going to miss you like crazy as it is. If we’re going to be in the same city, I want to be able to spend every moment I possibly can with you.” He broke away and held my shoulders at arm’s length staring intently into my eyes. “Promise me you’ll consider it, okay?”

I smiled. “Yeah, I will,” I answered nodding eagerly.

“Emily!” Amelia poked her head out the bus door. “They sent me to tell you it’s time to go,” she said apologetically.

“Okay, just a minute.” I turned back to Joey, taking in a deep breath and letting it out shakily.

“No crying, remember?” Joey plastered on a smile and brushed a lone tear away from just underneath my eye with his thumb. I nodded and gulped down the lump in my throat. He ran his hand down my arm to my hand, grasping it in his. Then, he pulled me to him and planted a hard kiss on my lips. “See you soon, okay?”

“See you soon.” I turned to get on the bus, but he tightened his grip on my hand and pulled me back to him, wrapping his arm around my waist possessively. He kissed me again, this time a little softer and slower, and with a little tongue.

“Come on!” This time it was Cassie standing in the doorway of the bus with her arms crossed over her chest. “We’re going to be late.”

“I’ve got to go, Joe.” I said with a frown. He reluctantly let go of me and I started walking towards the bus.

“Just one more kiss.” He grabbed my hand again and jerked me towards him as I laughed. He planted a quick kiss on my lips, then on my cheek, and finally let me go to board the bus.

Chapter 17 by emily_michele


Carson Daly was kind of an ass. Okay, so maybe there was no “kind of” to it. Oh, the interview started out pretty well, but it suddenly took an ugly turn, and there were ramifications-- both good and bad I guess. Here’s how it all went down. We were standing in front of those famous windows overlooking Times Square beside Carson and looking down on a decent-sized crowd standing outside. Those were the days before the live studio audience, and the shows weren’t always actually live but often pre-taped. Unfortunately for us, this particular show was one-hundred percent live.

“Welcome back to Total Request Live. I’m Carson Daly, and standing here with me is a group of young ladies who have become the envy of teenage girls everywhere. Meet Melissa Rankin, Amelia Roberts, Christina Saylor, Emily Rose, and Cassandra Dale, the ladies of up and coming vocal group Forever. Nice to have you here ladies.”

“Nice to be here, Carson,” Mel said cordially.

“Now, if you don’t know who Forever is, you soon will. These ladies have spent the last few months on tour as the opening act for the Backstreet Boys and recently also spent a few weeks touring with N’Sync. More about that later, but now, tell us about this video and your single, titled ‘Understand You’.” Carson winked at Chrissy in an obvious flirtation and she looked down at her feet.

“Well Carson,” Mel spoke up again. “The protagonist of the story is a girl who basically doesn’t ‘understand’ her boyfriend.” She held up air quotations when she said “understand.” “It starts out pretty angsty but ends with kind of a ‘girls rock, I don’t need a man’ kind of vibe.”

“So it’s kind of a girl power anthem for the summer. Like the Spice girls only a couple years later?”

“We don’t really like to compare ourselves to other artists, but okay, yeah.” Amelia answered with a smile.

Carson laughed. “So without further adieu, this is ‘Understand You’ by Forever!”
When the video was over, Carson told us he was impressed. “I have to admit I had my reservations, but I really liked it! Kind of reminds me of the Backstreet Boys and N’Sync, except that you’re girls, or uh, women.” Then he got this look in his eyes like he was up to something, and it turns out he definitely was. “So, the question has to be asked. All the young ladies out there want to know what it’s like touring with the boys. You’ve got five young men and five young women sharing the stage and traveling the world together, there’s got to be a little bit of hooking up going on behind the scenes, right ladies?”

We all knew it was coming, but it was still a bit of a shock to the system for him to be putting it so bluntly. Melissa had emerged as the talker or the group so she handled it gracefully and immediately. “Well, we hate to burst your bubble Carson, but a concert tour is literally non-stop work. We’ve got practices, soundchecks, hair, makeup, travel time, media interviews like this one, photoshoots, yada yada yada. There’s really not much time for ‘hooking up,’ as you put it.” I smiled proudly at her.

“Okay, but I’m sure you’ve heard the speculation linking some of you romantically with some of the guys?” Carson egged on.

“Actually, no. This would be the first I’ve heard of it,” Cassie spoke up truthfully. I thought about the girl in the restaurant asking if I was dating Howie, but actually had shrugged it off as a one-time thing. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that there were a lot of people out there who truly believed we were dating the guys. Of course, for some of us, it was kind of true, and for me, it was absolutely true. We had of course been told by management to give the “we’re just friends” spill.

“Well, we’ve got some pictures here....” Carson pointed us to a television screen nearby. “Maybe you can clear them up for us?” We watched in horror as the images flashed across the screen. First up was a picture of Kevin and I dancing in the club on the first night of the European tour. Next was a picture of AJ and Amelia walking together, his hand on the small of her back, then a picture of Chrissy and Nick sitting on a towel on the beach laughing, Cassie and Brian talking in auditorium seats, Howie hugging me on the loading dock (how in the world did someone get a picture of us that day?), Joey and I at that Italian restaurant, and Mel and JC seemingly in an intense conversation. I blinked back tears, realizing that apparently I was being made out to be the slut of the group, since there were three pictures of me with the guys compared to just one of each of the other girls.

“That’s easy,” Amelia perked up with a smile. “We’re together a lot on tour. Naturally we’re all friends. Of course there are plenty of opportunities for us to have our pictures taken together.”

Carson smirked. “So why does AJ McLean have his arm around you?”

Mel laughed. “That’s easy. AJ’s a big flirt, and so is Amelia here. There’s nothing going on between them except a little flirting.” We all nodded in agreement. A little flirting and a little sex, but America didn’t need to know that.

“So Emily....” Carson sauntered over to me with an almost sinister grin on his face. “We haven’t heard much from you today.”

I grinned sheepishly. “I’m not a big talker,” I answered.

“There are reports linking you romantically to both Howie Dorough and Kevin Richardson. I must say, according to the pictures, it looks like either one could be true. Care to comment?” He thrust his microphone in my face even though I was already holding one in my right hand.

I cleared my throat and started speaking. “Kevin’s like a big brother to all of us. I love to dance, so in the picture it’s just that--dancing. As for Howie, he and I are probably the closest of the BSB/Forever friendships, but he’s simply a close friend. That picture is a very private moment in which I was having a very hard time with a certain situation. I’m not sure how anyone even managed to snap that picture.” Whew. Easy, right? Wrong.

Carson nodded approvingly. “So, then, is there any truth to the rumor that you and Joey Fatone from N’Sync are dating?”

I bit my lip. “Joey and I do hang out a lot and go out together occasionally.” Chrissy winked at me. I thought that was a pretty good save, myself.

“So what if I told our viewers at home that one of those three men happens to be backstage at this very moment?” Carson cocked an eyebrow, obviously proud of himself.
I felt a wave of nausea wash over me and I could literally hear the sound of my heartbeat pounding in my own ears. He gestured towards the monitor again and there was a shaky video obviously being shot by someone walking down a long hallway. My breath caught in my throat when the camera focused on Joey, who actually crouched down in a corner with his hands covering the bill of his baseball cap. “Hi Joey.” You could hear Carson’s voice echoing in the hallway.

Joey slowly took his hands down and turned to the camera, red-faced. “Hi Carson,” he said with a forced smile. As he stood up and smoothed down the legs of his jeans, he mouthed a “sorry” to the camera, which was obviously intended for me. The rest of the girls all looked at me apologetically as Carson continued talking.

“Might I convince you to come out into the studio?”

Joey sighed and looked into the camera purposefully. “Thanks, but no thanks. Today’s TRL is about those fantastic young ladies standing there with you. Maybe some other time.”

“Okay then, but will you either confirm or deny that you are in a relationship with Miss Rose here?” Joey looked down thoughtfully and bit his bottom lip for several seconds before looking back at the camera with a smirk. I could literally see the wheels in his head turning and gripped Amelia’s arm in anticipation of what he was about to say.

“So, ah, Em.....?”

“Yeah?” I answered, wide-eyed.

“Now that the cat’s out of the bag will you go to VMAs with me?” He grinned sheepishly and stuffed his hands in his pockets as a collective gasp was heard throughout the studio. I think even Carson joined in.

***Alright all you lurkers out there! I know I have at least a few people reading and following the story (the site tells me so), so I’d love to see some more reviews! Good, bad, ugly? I want to know!

Chapter 18 by emily_michele

Part of me was completely mortified. But then again, another part of me had to admit that Joey was adorable standing there with his hands in his pockets looking all guilty and mischievous like the cat who ate the canary. So I did the only thing I could think to do. I said “yes.” Carson was beside himself.

“Well, there you have it, folks. You can catch Forever tomorrow night at Radio City Music Hall opening for the Backstreet Boys, if you were lucky enough to score tickets. The show’s been sold out for months,” he said with a smirk. He ended the show shortly thereafter and thanked us profusely for being on the show and for letting him have some “breaking news.” Honestly, after it was all over, I kind of felt more like I’d just been on Jerry Springer than on MTV. Plus, why in the world would my (well Joey’s) personal life be breaking news?

As soon as the director yelled “That’s a wrap!,” Joey came barreling onto the set and scooped me up into his arms. He started kissing me over and over, and while it was cute and romantic, I couldn’t really let him off the hook just yet.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he murmured in between kisses.

“Not so fast there, mister.” I placed my hands on his shoulders and straightened my arms to push myself away from him.

“What?” he asked with furrowed eyebrows as he loosened his grip on me.

“What?! It just hit the fan! That’s what!” I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes at him. The rest of the girls slipped out of the room while I confronted him.

Joey sighed and put his hands on my hips, then dropped a kiss onto my forehead. “I know. I’m sorry.” Then he shot a death glare at Carson, who was still standing in the corner being nosy. “I should have you fired for that stunt you just pulled, you know that?!” he snapped at him.

Carson held up his hands in defense. “You’re the one who showed up backstage. When I found out, I had to run with it. Besides, remember how happy you were, oh, about five seconds ago?”

“While that’s true, Carson, I was backstage. Backstage! Our manager is going to throw a shit fit over this, you know that! Seriously, you should be fired for this!” Joey’s hands instinctively tightened their grip on my hips.

“Never gonna happen, Fatone. By the way, that pretty one, Chrissy is it? She single?”

“Like we would tell you.” I rolled my eyes as he smirked and sauntered off the set. If only he knew that it was the Golden Boy Nick Carter that she was kissing backstage. Now that would be some breaking news!

“By the way,” Joey pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and held it up. “We have a date with this and Johnny when we get back to the hotel,” he said sarcastically.
I nodded knowingly. “I was waiting for that. Let’s get this over with.”


“What the hell Fatone?!” Johnny Wright’s voice echoed through the speaker of the cell phone Joey had tossed on the desk in his hotel room. Joey had his feet propped up on the desk with his legs crossed as he leaned back casually in the chair with his hands behind his head. I, on the other hand, was literally shaking in the corner. “Why in the world would you think it would be a good idea to show up at TRL?” Johnny went on.

“It’s not like I anticipated a camera being shoved in my face, Johnny. I just planned to hang backstage and see my girl.” He winked in my direction and I blushed, my heart beating wildly at the notion of him calling me “his girl.”

“So, I’ve got another question for you then,” Johnny huffed.

“What’s that?”

“Where was Kenny while you were hanging backstage?” You know, that was a good question.

“He was, um....in the bathroom,” Joey admitted sheepishly. I envisioned Johnny rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

“Yo, Emily,” I heard from the phone.

“Yeah?” I answered nervously.

“You okay, sweetie? I know Carson kind of attacked you.”

“Yeah....”

“I know it’s not your fault. I completely blame Carson for this one. Well, Carson and Joey.” I stifled a giggle and Joey laughed heartily. “You should know we were already planning on sending you ladies to the VMAs. The problem is the seating arrangements. Did you know they plan that strategically? They seriously sit Nick Carter next to Kid Rock on purpose. So, I don’t know how we’re going to swing sitting you two together, especially since you both need to be sitting with your bandmates.. Honestly, I’m not sure I even want to. You know there’s a reason we want you guys to be single, right Joey?”

Joey rolled his eyes. “You need to always look available. It makes you more enticing to the fans,” he said in a mocking tone. This was obviously something he’d heard a million times before.

“Can you tell me one thing, Johnny?”

“What’s that Fatone?”

“Isn’t it a little sick for me to look available to a twelve year old?”

“They’re not all twelve, Joey. Listen, I need to think about how we’re going handle this.”

“What’s there to handle? We’re together. MTV let everyone know. End of story.” Joey leaned forward with his hands on the desk.

Johnny grunted. “I’ll be talking to you. Try not to do anything else too stupid okay?” With a loud click, the phone went silent.

Joey sighed and spun the desk chair around so that he was facing me. “C’mere.” He motioned for me with his finger and I carefully stood up and walked over to him. He pulled me down onto his lap so that I was sitting sideways across this legs, and wrapped his arms around my waist. Then he leaned his head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry Carson did that to you, and I’m sorry Johnny’s pissed, but if I can be really honest, I’m kind of glad it happened.” I didn’t really know what to say to that. The whole thing was just exhausting. He raised his head and cupped my chin with one of his hands, turning my face towards his. “I’d like to shout it from the top of the Empire State building,” he grinned. “I feel like the luckiest man alive.”

I could feel my eyes starting to burn with tears. Besides Danny, no other guy had ever talked to me like that. I smiled and he captured my lips with his, quickly darting his tongue into my mouth and running it along my top teeth. He moaned as I did the same to him and massaged the back of my neck with one of his big, warm hands. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” he whined. I kept on kissing him. Judging by the growing bulge rubbing against my backside, I had a pretty good idea exactly what I did to him. That fact was making me pretty nervous. “You’re....so.....sexy,” he carried on in between kisses.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Fatone,” I teased.

He growled and pulled me even closer to him. “How about we take this over there?” he asked, gesturing over towards the bed with his head as one hand inched higher and squeezed my breast over my shirt. I froze. So far, the furthest we’d gone was a lot of heavy kissing, and while I expected him to eventually want it to go further, we’d only been going out for a few weeks. I didn’t really expect it this soon, which was a little naive, I guess.

“How about we keep it over here a little longer?” I asked meekly.

“God, baby. You’re killing me,” he sighed, nipping at my lips playfully.
I pulled away from him and placed my hands on his shoulders. “We should probably talk,” I breathed.

He raised an eyebrow. “Okay....”

I bit my bottom lip thoughtfully. “It’s not that I don’t want to do this with you eventually, Joe. Believe me, I do. It’s just that...... I’ve never actually done it before.”

“Oh,” he said with wide eyes. Then he sat there for a few moments looking down at our laps. “You must think I’m such a jerk.” He rubbed his hands up and down my back slowly.

“No, I don’t think that at all. You are too good to me, you know that? You must think I’m such a tease.”

He laughed. “I don’t think you’re a tease.” Then he turned serious and placed his forehead up against mine. “Listen. I don’t want to pressure you into anything you’re not ready to do, okay?”

I smiled. “Thank you. So, everyone’s talking about doing something together tonight since we have the night off. You wanna go?”

“Absolutely, as long as you’re going, too.” He grinned and kissed my forehead. As I climbed off of him, he winced noticeably and hissed softly. To be honest, this was the first time I’d ever had an inkling of understanding of the term “blue balls.”

“Oh, Joey,” I held a hand up over my mouth and gasped. “Are you...okay?”

“I’m not gonna lie to you. It’s not comfortable, but I’ll live,” he insisted, clearly embarrassed, as he shooed me away to go get ready.


“Why is Kevin Richardson giving me the stink-eye?” Joey leaned onto the bar-top table and whispered into my ear. I shot a glance in Kevin’s direction, and sure enough, he was glaring back at me as he nursed a bottle of beer at the far end of the bar. The eleven of us (and six bodyguards) had ended up at a little known bar and grill in Greenwich Village and the guys were immersed in a Major League Baseball game on television while the girls (sans Mel, who sat perched atop Howie’s knee pretending to be interested in the game) sat around a table chatting. Joey, however, was glued to my side since the guys hadn’t exactly welcomed him with open arms.

“Don’t worry about him, Joey. It’s nothing.” Amelia, who was sitting beside me opposite Joey, snorted. I kicked her under the table and shot her a “look.”

“Is there.....something going on between you two?” he asked dejectedly as he glanced back and forth between Kevin and me.

“Was...as in past tense. I once thought there was something going on between the two of us, but I was wrong. Besides, it doesn’t matter anymore.” I gave his bicep a reassuring squeeze and leaned in to give him a quick peck on the lips.

Joey stayed tense. “He kind of intimidates me,” he admitted nervously.

“Yeah, well, he tries to intimidate everybody,” I rolled my eyes. “You’re on his turf, and he thinks he needs to pee all over it.


Joey jumped to his feet. “What do mean ‘his turf’?” he screeched. “I thought you said nothing was going on between you two!” About a dozen sets of eyes fell on us.

“Joey calm down!” I hissed, pulling on his shirt sleeve. “And sit down. By his turf, I was talking about the whole boyband thing. Geez!”

He blushed and glanced around the room, then shrank back onto his barstool. “Oh,” he said red-faced. “I’m sure you’ll be shocked to hear this after my little outburst, but I’m insanely jealous.” He grinned and laced his fingers with mine, gripping my hand tightly as he locked lips with me.

Chapter 19 by emily_michele
Author's Notes:

Here's a Kevin chapter...enjoy!

 

Joey left the next morning, and this time the goodbye was even longer and more tearful. There wasn’t going to be any time in our schedules for us to see each other until we were all in Los Angeles for the Video Music Awards, and that was nearly two months away. I moped around most of the day before the show that night and was completely flabbergasted by the visitor in our dressing room that afternoon.

 

The Boys had just completed their soundcheck and I was the first of the girls to be finished in hair and makeup. I was alone in our dressing room waiting for Joey to call and let me know his flight had landed safely when there was a soft knock on the door. “I’m decent!” I yelled nonchalantly as I studied myself in the mirror and put a couple stray strands of hair back in place. I took in a sharp breath when the door swung open and I saw Kevin’s reflection staring back at me in the mirror.

 

I spun around to face him. “Kevin? What are you...”

 

He interrupted as he sauntered towards me. “Joey Fatone? Seriously?”

 

I raised an eyebrow. “Yes, Kevin. Seriously.” I went back to studying my reflection in the mirror, but soon he was standing so close behind me that his blue Kentucky t-shirt rubbed up against my back.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

I shrugged. “As far as you’re concerned, I didn’t think there was anything to tell. It’s not like it should mean anything to you.”

 

He sighed. “I guess I just didn’t think I’d be finding out about something like that from TRL of all places.”

 

“You were watching TRL?”

“Of course I was watching TRL. I’m sorry they did that to you with the pictures and everything. It was really low.” He started rubbing my shoulders.

“Kevin, what are you doing?” I turned around to face him, as the mirror conversation was starting to feel a little awkward.

He turned his back to be and started back towards the door. I half expected him to leave, but instead he closed the door, locked it, and grabbed a chair. He pulled it up to me and sat down, leaning forward with his forearms on his knees. “Can we talk?”

“What’s there to talk about?” I started to turn back around but he grabbed my wrist and spun me back towards him.

“Well for one, we never had that Kristin conversation. Then there’s the night in Manchester we never talked about. You’ve basically avoided me like the plague and I never got the chance to explain.”

“Kevin, that’s all water under the bridge. Why bring it up now?” I asked.
He glanced down at the floor and took in a deep breath. “Because I’m jealous.” he said as he let it out.

“Kev, don’t.” I stood up to leave, but he pushed me back down.

“Please just hear me out.”

“Fine.” I crossed my arms over my chest protectively and leaned back in my chair.

“Listen, Emily. I never meant to hurt you,” he started off.

“Well you did,” I answered coldly.

He sighed and placed a hand on my knee. “I know.....and I’m sorry. That was never my intention.” We sat there in silence. I really didn’t want to talk to him and definitely didn’t want Joey to hear about it. While his admission that he was “insanely jealous” was said in a joking manner, I didn’t want him to find any reason to be mad at me.

“So how is Kristin?” I asked sarcastically, hoping to hurry the conversation along.

“She’s fine. I talked to her yesterday.” I laughed and rolled my eyes.

“Listen, Emily. I’m just going to be honest with you. I think you’re great. I really enjoyed our time together, and yes, I do believe that we were ‘together,’ if only for a short time. I wasn’t fair to you, though.”

“Go on,” I prodded.

He sighed. “I liked you....like you, I mean. I like you, but I got scared. You and I are in completely different places in our lives and I just can’t see how it could work. I’m starting to feel ready for marriage, for kids, and you....you’re technically still a teenager. I just couldn’t see how we could possibly be happy together. I’m sorry if it seemed like I was just leading you on or taking advantage of you.”

Tears pricked at my eyes. “God, why am I crying?” I thought to myself as I relaxed my stance. “Kevin, I appreciate your honesty, but why are you doing this now?” He took a breath and started to talk again but was cut off by the sound of “Tearin’ Up My Heart” playing from my phone.

“Seriously?” Kevin asked with an annoyed laugh.

“Hold that thought.” I held up my finger as I turned to grab my phone off the white marble countertop behind me. “Hey Joe,” I said coolly.

“Hey baby!” he said excitedly. “I just got into Toronto and I’m on the way to our hotel. I already miss you like crazy.”

 

“I miss you too. Call me tonight after your show?”

 

“Absolutely. Talk to you then. Bye, Em.”

 

“Bye, Joey.” I turned the phone and looked back at Kevin expectantly with a huge smile on my face.

 

He cocked his head to the side. “You really like him don’t you?”

 

“Yeah, Kevin. I really do,” I replied honestly.

 

“Hmph,” he grunted and crossed his arms. “I don’t know what it is, Em. He just kind of rubs me the wrong way is all.”

 

“Kevin, you barely know him. How can you say something like that?”

 

His eyes searched mine carefully as he bit his bottom lip. “I just don’t know what you see in him, really.”

 

I sighed. “Do you really want to get into this?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Yes. I do.”

 

“Okay, fine. He’s cute, he’s nice, and he’s funny. He makes me laugh, treats me like a princess, and makes me feel sexy all at the same time. Plus, he’s only two and a half years older than me,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him when I mentioned the age thing.

 

Kevin groaned and ran his hands up and down his face before putting them together in front of his mouth. “Are you happy?” he asked point-blank.

 

“Yes, Kevin. I am.” I replied with a nod.

 

“Are you.....sleeping with him?”

 

I flinched in surprise. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, I spent the night in his room last night. No, we’re not having sex. Not yet. anyway”

 

He winced at the last part. “And he’s not pressuring you?” he asked, seeming to take on that big brother role again.

 

“No, Kevin, he’s not. He’s been really sweet about it, actually.” I thought about the evening before in Joey’s hotel room. Once I told him the truth, he really had been pretty great about it.

 

He nodded and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Just don’t rush into anything, okay? You want your first time to be really special.” I nodded back and pursed my lips, thinking of that night in Manchester back in November. I couldn’t help but think that I’d thought it was going to be really special, and that it was going to be with Kevin.

 

Finally, I replied with a simple “I know.” There was a sharp banging on the door.

 

“You’re on in twenty minutes!” the stage director bellowed from outside.

 

I immediately jumped up from my chair, banging knees with Kevin along the way. “I still need to get dressed,” I said apologetically.

 

“Oh, sure, go ahead.” He stepped to the side with a little bow and held his arm towards the door. As I started to walk by him, I felt his hand on my shoulder, so I turned to face him. He bent his head down so that our faces were nearly touching. “Are we okay?” he asked as his piercing green eyes stared into mine.

 

“Yeah, Kevin. We’re okay.” I nodded and started to walk out, but his hand stayed on my shoulder.

 

“Friends?” he asked pleadingly.

 

I nodded with a tight-lipped smile. “Sure.” Then I walked out to find the other girls. It wasn't until later that night when I realized that we never did actually have that Kristin conversation.

 

Chapter 20 by emily_michele

 

 

You’ve heard the term, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” right? Well, it turns out that’s not entirely true. We were in Las Vegas the second weekend in August. We arrived on a Friday morning and had our concert Friday night, then had all day Saturday to kick back and enjoy ourselves before heading to the next city on Sunday afternoon and performing again on Monday night. Yeah, we enjoyed ourselves alright. Well, the rest of them did, anyway. I spent most of Saturday night talking on the phone with Joey and woke up to the sound of a door slamming and yelling in the suite beside mine.

 

“You did what?!” Kevin’s voice bellowed through the wall.

 

 “Kevin chill out!” That was Nick. Then there was some barely distinguishable sobbing. Was that...Chrissy? I jumped out of bed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, then started jogging down the hallway towards the door. As I passed my Mel’s room, a bleary-eyed Howie stuck his mussed-up head out the door.

 

 “What’s going on?” he croaked.

 

 “I don’t know, but I’m about to find out!” I told him as I rushed out the door and started banging on the door next to ours.

 

 “Oh thank God. Reinforcement!” Brian exclaimed over the shouting as he swung the door open. “I think Kevin’s going to kill him!” He led me down the hallway and into a bedroom where I found Kevin and Nick standing, glaring in each other’s red faces, and screaming.

 

 “You’re eighteen freaking years old!” Kevin spat at Nick.

 

 “Exactly!” Nick countered. “I’m an adult and I’m allowed to make my own decisions. I love her, and I married her!”

 

 I stood there dumbfounded and glanced over to Christina, who sat on the bed with her knees pulled up to her chest and tears streaming down her face. “Kevin! Nick!” I shouted at them. “Stop it! Can’t you see how much you’re upsetting her!” They both shot glances over at me then twirled around to face Chrissy.

 

 “Oh, Tina,” Nick lamented, using the pet name that only he and Christina’s little brother used. He dropped to his knees on the floor in front of her and put his hands on top of her feet. “Don’t cry. This is supposed to be our honeymoon.” He grinned.

 

 She laughed while wiping tears away. “Some honeymoon,” she scoffed.

 

 “That’s not what you said last night,” he replied suggestively.

 

 “Nick!” She blushed furiously and slapped him playfully.

 

 “Sorry. Seriously, though, one of these days we’ll get a break and I’ll take you on the greatest honeymoon ever, okay?” He grabbed one of her hands and kissed the top of it lovingly as she beamed back at him. While I thought the two of them were crazy, I felt a little guilty for peeking in on such an intimate moment between the two of them.

 

 “Nicky, listen.” Kevin interrupted gently. “What are you going to do when the fans find out? This could be career suicide for you.”

 

 He shrugged. “We’ve decided not to tell the fans, actually.” He kept looking at Chrissy.

 

 “And you’re going along with that?” I interjected at Chrissy.

 

 “Actually, yes, for now. I mean, you’re getting tons of hate mail and you’re only dating Joey. Can you imagine what might happen if they find out I’m married to Nick Carter?” She had a point there.

 

 “You’re getting hate mail?” Kevin turned to me with concern on his face.

 

 “It’s not a big deal, Kevin.” I shrugged. “Comes with the territory.”

 

 Kevin closed his eyes and massaged his temples. “I’m too hung over to be dealing with this,” he sighed and walked over to Nick, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You know we’re still going to have to tell management, right? I’m sure they’ll be happy to go along with this little plan of yours, but in case something gets leaked, they’re going to have to know how to handle it.” He reached his cell phone out to him. “Let’s call Johnny.”

 

 Nick nodded. “This isn’t going to be pretty.” He patted Chrissy on the knee. “You should probably get out of here. I don’t want you getting caught in the crossfire.” She nodded and stood up, and I led her out of the room.

 

 “I can’t believe you married him!” I whispered to her as we walked out of Nick and Brian’s suite and into our own. “How did Kevin end up finding out?” It just seemed odd to me that Kevin would be the first person they told the “good news” to.

 

 She sat down on the couch in the living area of our suite and hugged a throw pillow. “You remember the first episode of ‘Dharma and Greg’ where they’re in the hotel room the morning after they got married and Greg’s in the shower, and his phone rings, then Dharma answers and says ‘Greg’s pants.’?”

 

 “Um, yeah....I think so.” I sat down in the chair across the room from her.

 

 “Well, I did that.” She blushed and squeezed the pillow tighter. “Well, I didn’t say ‘Greg’s pants,’ I said ‘Nick’s pants.’ I figured it was going to be one of the guys or one of you looking for me, since I didn’t exactly tell anyone what I was doing, and I’m not one to spend the night with Nick. Well, I wasn’t. Anyway, it turned out to be his mom.”

 

 “Oh. Ouch! I guess it’s safe to say she wasn’t happy?”

 

 “She yelled at him for about half an hour, then apparently she called Kevin.”

 

 “Oh,” I mouthed. “I still can’t believe you two got married!” I scolded. “Why in the world would you two get married in Vegas at your age?”

 

 Chrissy bit the side of her lip as she thought about what she was going to say to me. “Well, you know how I always said I wouldn’t have sex until I got married?”

 

 “What?! Chrissy, this was about sex?” I couldn’t believe the reasoning of my usually very bright friend.

 

 “No! Not entirely. We were making out in his bedroom and things were getting pretty hot and heavy, and in the heat of the moment, he said ‘marry me.’ Of course I told him he was nuts and I wasn’t going to marry him just so we could consummate the relationship. But then, he got really serious and really sweet. The truth is, we really love each other. I’ve never felt like this before, Em. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else.”

 

 “Chris, you’re just so young, and you’re planning on hiding it. This is going to be really hard, you know.” We silenced ourselves at the sound of a bedroom door opening. The five of us were in a four-bedroom suite, and Chrissy and Cassie were supposed to be sharing a room. Of course, Chrissy hadn’t been there. Cassie came out into the living area yawning and stretching. She took one look at Chrissy’s tear-stained face and my tense demeanor and asked what was going on.

 

 Chrissy started fumbling with the seam of the throw pillow she was holding. “Nick and I kind of, um, got married last night.”

 

 Cassie’s eyes widened in surprise. “You did what?!”

 

 “My thoughts exactly,” I mumbled under my breath.

 

 Cassie approached Chrissy and sat down on the couch. “So that’s why you were coming into the suite with Nick at 2 AM! I thought that seemed pretty out of character for you.”

 

 I furrowed my brows and looked back and forth between the two of them before landing my eyes on Cassie. “Why were you in Nick and Brian’s suite at 2 o’clock in the morning?”

 

 “Yeah!” Chrissy said, happy to take the heat off of herself for a minute. “I wanted to ask, but I was um, a little busy.”

 

 “She and Nick were all over each other,” Cassie said to me. “Guess it’s no secret what happened in Nick’s room last night!” she giggled.

 

 “Did anything happen on the couch?” Chrissy asked her accusingly.

 

 Cassie sighed. “Brian and I fell asleep watching a movie. Leighanne called just a little bit after you and Nick came in because he hadn’t called her. Needless to say, Brian and I won’t be spending any more time together,” she said with an eye roll.

 

 “Why is that?” I asked. “It’s not like you were doing anything wrong. You just fell asleep.”

 

 Cassie nodded. “I know, but for reasons I’ll never understand, she’s very jealous of me. I mean, look at her and then look at me. I’m pretty sure I’m not much of a threat.”

 

 “You know, Cass, you don’t give yourself enough credit,” Chrissy told her. There was a knock at the door and I jumped up to answer it. A visibly shaken Nick walked in and announced that there would be a group meeting for all ten of us at 1:00 PM, which was only about an hour and a half away and two hours before we were scheduled to hit the road.

 

 “How’d it go?” Chrissy asked him as she jumped up and wrapped her arms around his waist.

 

 “About like you’d expect,” he sighed as he hugged her back and bent over to kiss her. They were really a sight standing next to each other-- him over 6 feet tall and probably pushing 200 pounds while she was only about 5’2” and probably no more than a hundred pounds soaking wet. “Listen, guys, I just want to apologize for anything he says. It’s all my fault.”

 

 “Not just yours,” Chrissy murmured into his t-shirt. “Mine too.”

 

 “No, Tina,” he insisted, pulling away to look down at her. “This is all on me, okay? I won’t let him bad-mouth you.” In that moment, I was so impressed by the maturity of Nick Carter and started to believe that maybe the two of them would make it after all.

 

 

Chapter 21 by emily_michele

“Christina, I think it’s a good idea if you tell the other girls before this meeting. It’s something they’ll probably want to hear from you in private,” I suggested as I turned to go wake up Melissa, Howie, and Amelia (and maybe AJ for all I knew).


 


She looked up at Nick. “You should probably go. Those two don’t have censors, and I don’t want you getting caught in the crossfire,” she laughed.


 


Nick chuckled. “No problem. See you later.....wifey.” He grinned and pulled her into a kiss so steamy I was almost embarrassed to be standing there.


 


She giggled as they pulled away to breathe and said, “See you soon, husband.” I rolled my eyes. With all that sap, I could see the rest of the tour getting pretty sticky.


 


I banged on Mel’s door. “Hey guys, get up! We have a group meeting in a little over an hour!” I heard grumbling and bedspring squeaks then a thud and an “Ow!” in Howie’s voice.


 


“You promise you’re up?” I yelled through the door.


“Yep.” Howie opened the door looking much more put together than he had earlier, thought anything would have been an improvement. He squeezed through the crack in the door and shut it back quickly. Apparently Mel was indisposed. “What’s this all about?” he asked as he pulled a hair elastic out of his jeans pocket and pulled his curly locks back into a ponytail.


“You should go talk to Nick,” I answered directly.


“Why do I need to go talk to Nick?”


“Just go!” I pushed him playfully towards the door.


“Geez, woman! A little feisty this morning are we?” he joked as he opened the door.


“It’s almost afternoon,” I said snidely as I slammed the door in his face.


“What’s going on?” Mel stuck half of her body out the bedroom door wearing one of Howie’s button-up shirts.


“Christina has something to tell you.” I turned back towards the hallway and headed for Amelia’s door.


“Christina has something to tell me, and Howie needs to go talk to Nick?” She turned toward Chrissy with an amused expression on her face. “What did you all do, get married last night or something?” Well that was easy. Chrissy looked down at the floor and bit her fingernails nervously. “Holy shit! You really did get married last night?” Chrissy held up her left hand, which donned a thin, white gold band on that ever-important finger and smiled sheepishly. “Well congratulations!” Mel rushed over to her and threw her arms around her neck. “How was the sex?”


I rolled my eyes. Only Mel. “Hey, Amy?” I pushed her door open slowly and stuck my head in. “You need to get up.” She rolled over slowly, then bolted upright with her hand clamped over her mouth and ran towards the bathroom. After hearing the sound of her retching for several minutes, I decided I probably needed to check on her. “Amy? You okay?” I asked the bathroom door.


 


“Go away,” she groaned. I surmised that she’d apparently had too much of a good time the night before and went to get dressed and pack my bags. After I was ready to go, I went back to Amelia’s bathroom with a glass of water and some aspirin. It was now silent. I pushed the door open and found Amelia sitting in the floor with her back against the wall, tears streaming down her face.


 


“Amy, what’s wrong?” I rushed to her side and placed the water and aspirin on the countertop before stooping down beside her. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed as I ran my fingers through her matted hair.


 


“I think I did something really stupid last night, and I really can’t deal with you judging me for it right now, so you should go,” she whimpered.


 


“You think you did something stupid?” I asked in surpise. “How much did you have to drink last night, Amy?”


 


“I don’t want you judging me, remember?” She started to get up, but quickly sat back down, grabbing her head.


 


“Did you marry AJ last night?” I figured maybe we needed a little humor.


 


She looked at me, bewildered. “No....”


 


“Did you marry anyone last night?”


 


“No....”


 


“Then whatever it was couldn’t have been that stupid.”


 

Chapter 22 by emily_michele

Amelia, being terribly hungover and very emotional, didn’t take the news of Christina and Nick’s marriage very well at all. As a matter of fact, by the time the meeting rolled around, she seemed to be mad at pretty much everyone. She burst into the conference room five minutes late and shot dirty looks at Nick, Chrissy, AJ, and.....Kevin? Then she pulled a chair out from under the table, rolled it up against the wall so that she was as far away from everyone else as possible, and fell into it with a snarl.


 


“Okay, then.” Johnny stood up from his chair and leaned his hands on the table, commanding our attention. “Now that Miss Roberts over there has decided to grace us with her presence, let’s get started.” He straightened up and started pacing with his arms crossed stiffly across his chest. Finally, after about fifty paces back and forth, he started out with, “You people are killing me!” That was probably a pretty appropriate opener, actually. “You want to know why I decided to rejoin the tour to check up on you in Vegas?” We all looked around at each other. “Because I can’t trust you not to do anything stupid. That’s why! Although, I’ve got to admit, I imagined myself maybe having to bail out McLean, not pay off the minister at an all-night wedding chapel to keep quiet! I guess by now we all know about Mr. and Mrs. Carter over there?” He shot a glance over to his left where Nick and Chrissy sat solemnly with their hands entertwined on top of the table.


 


Everyone gave their nods and “yeah”s and he went on. “As if Emily and Fatone’s relationship wasn’t enough for me to be dealing with, teenage dream over there decides to get hitched-- as in off the market, as in crushing the hopes and dreams of little girls everywhere.”


 


“Johnny....” Kevin cut in. “Don’t you think you’re being a little melodramatic?” I stifled a laugh at the man who I really believed may have hurt Nick had I not stepped in only a couple hours earlier.


 


Johnny held a hand up in Kevin’s direction. “Richardson, when I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it. So anyway, Emily and Joey, I had decided wasn’t all that big of a deal. It could possibly even be a good thing. Joey’s not one of the more popular N’Sync members, so the fact that he’s off the market isn’t going to crush too many of the fans’ dreams. In fact, some of them, despite the hate mail Emily’s getting, are saying they’re happy for him. As long as it’s not Justin or JC, they seem to think it’s great. As for you, Emily,” he looked at me directly. “Dating a member of N’Sync has actually boosted your popularity, which is good for Forever, and in turn, good for me. I say, go ahead and get your picture taken with Joey. Look like you’re in love. As popular as N’Sync is starting to get, you might just become one half of one of Young Hollywood’s power couples.” I nodded silently and pretended to ignore the eye rolls coming from each of the Backstreet Boys, fueled by Johnny’s talk about N’Sync’s popularity. It felt really awkward that I had now become a marketing ploy.


 


“Joey Fatone’s relationship doesn’t really seem to have affected his group all that negatively. Mr. Carter, however, may have just committed career suicide. He’s the most popular one of you-- the young, cute, blonde one. If word gets out that he’s gone off and gotten married, the fan-girls are going to hate it because they’ve all lost their chance, no matter how slim it was to begin with, and the mothers are going to hate it because he’s setting a bad example for their impressionable daughters by getting married so young. You are on top of the pop music world,” he said, eyeing each of the guys individually. “If this gets out, you could very well topple back down to the bottom.” He turned his attention to Christina. “As for you, it’s very much the same. They find out you’re married to Nick Carter, and not only your career, but the careers of your bandmates are ruined before they really even get started.”


 


“So, here’s what we’re going to do.” He sat down and brought his hands together. “We tell no one. If any of you get questioned about Nick or Christina’s relationships, you know nothing. If something eventually gets leaked, we tell them that they’re dating, but before you go running your mouths to any reporters, you first report to me. As for you two...” He turned to Nick and Chrissy. “You are not to be seen together romantically in public. You will be allowed to share a hotel room, but no one, I repeat no one, is to see you arriving or leaving together. Those rings....” He pointed to their fingers. “Are to be worn in private only. Let’s do this for as long as we can, and if we need to change our stories, we cross that bridge when we get there. Got it?”


 


“Yes sir.” Nick nodded affirmatively and Chrissy looked down at her lap.


 


“This is ridiculous,” Brian muttered under his breath.


 


“What’s that, Mr. Littrell?”


 


“I’m not lying for them, Johnny,” Brian answered.


 


“Well, then you better do your damndest to avoid a situation where you’d have to.” Johnny stood back up and started pacing again. “Now for the rest of you. What you do in the privacy of your hotel rooms is none of my business, but as soon as it comes into the public eye, it is my business. Let’s talk about those pictures they showed on TRL.”


 


“Mr. Wright, some of those pictures were intended to be private,” Melissa piped up.


 


Johnny sighed. “I know. We had a mole on tour with us, and she’s already been fired. All I’m saying is that if there are cameras around and you are anywhere in the vicinity of someone of the opposite sex, you are to look strictly platonic. Now for the hard part. I need to know who else I might have to be running interference for. McLean? You and Amelia still hot and heavy?”


 


“Ha!” Amelia scoffed. “I don’t think you need to worry about that anymore.”


 


Johnny eyed AJ suspiciously. “I take it you’re not monogamous?”


 


AJ wouldn’t look him in the eye, but instead stared at Amelia. “I didn’t know I was supposed to be,” he uttered.


 


“Okay then. Howie? You and Melissa?”


 


“Are just having fun,” Howie said matter-of-factly.


 


“And are very discreet,” Mel chimed in.


 


“Littrell? Is Miss Wallace still insisting on joining us on tour?”


 


“Oh yeah.” There was a little bit of edge in Brian’s voice as he replied.


 


“Just try not to look too serious on camera, okay?”


 


“You know how I feel about that, Johnny.” Brian growled.


 


“Okay. Running interference there.” Johnny turned and looked at Cassie .


 


“Don’t look at me.” She held up her hands in defense. “It looks like I’m the only one not getting any action at all.”


 


“Maybe you should hook up with Kevvy-Kev since he broke up with Kristin,” AJ snickered.


 


I whirled around and looked at Kevin from several chairs away. “You broke up with Kristin?”


 


“A while ago, actually,” he said without missing a beat. “But we’ve been talking again lately, so....I dunno.”


 


“Well, you’ve always kept your private life private, anyway,” Johnny told him. “Can I expect more of the same?”


 


“For now.” Kevin sighed and leaned back in his chair, staring down at his watch.


 


“Alright.” Johnny slammed his hands back down on the table. “Is anyone besides Miss Rose here doing anything with any member of N’Sync?”


 


“Well, AJ and Chris got into it at the studio a few months ago,” Brian taunted. AJ kicked him under the table. “Ouch! It was about a girl, though,” he clarified. All eyes, including Johnny’s, fell on Melissa.


“What?” She held her hands up in mock confusion. “Okay, fine. Apparently I’m the boyband whore,” she joked.


“Who?” Johnny demanded.


“JC.”


“And?”


“Lance,” she said meekly as she shrank into the back of her chair. Even though he’d insisted that they were “just having fun” only a few moments earlier, I could see the hurt in Howie’s eyes as he scooted away from her ever so slightly.


Johnny eyed her. “Do you promise to keep your adventures behind closed doors?”


“Absolutely.”


“Okay, then.” He glanced down at his watch. “I need all of you on the buses in twenty minutes. Let’s see if we can keep the prying eyes away from the Carter family hotel room.”

Chapter 23 by emily_michele

When we arrived in Los Angeles almost a month later for MTV’s Video Music Awards, I was glad to be getting a few days off. While the guys were going to be busy with rehearsals, interviews, and appearances leading up to the VMAs, Forever was basically getting a break. We were going to the show and had been invited to an after-party, but that was it. While the guys worked, we decided to take the opportunity to shop, relax on the beach, and sleep in. So much for the sleeping in.

On the first morning in LA, I awoke to the sound of Amelia slamming our bathroom door shut. She was throwing up....again. I rolled over and attempted to focus on the alarm clock beside my bed. 6:45. That meant that in Kentucky it was 3:45 AM. I groaned, poured myself out of bed, padded over to the bathroom door, and knocked. “Amelia? You need anything?” The only reply I got was a new onslaught of gagging. I sighed and walked over to the chair by the window. I pulled the sheer curtain through my fingers and stared out, mentally preparing myself to have a talk with my best friend as soon as she was able. This had been going on for over a week, and honestly, I was starting to doubt the earnestness of her vow to never drink again after the killer hangover she’d endured in Las Vegas. I figured that one of three things had to be going on. One, maybe she was really sick and needed to see a doctor. Two, she was drinking too much, and hiding it, which made it worse. Three, she was pregnant. Though I would never wish illness on anybody, I was really hoping for number one. Regardless, it seemed that she was going to require an intervention.

She finally emerged from the bathroom with a glass of water in her hand and fell back into her bed. After setting her glass on her nightstand, she moaned, pulled the white down comforter up to her chin, and closed her eyes. “Amy?” Her eyes shot back open. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

She rolled over so that her back was facing me. “Can it wait until later? It’s still early and I feel like crap.”

“Well, that’s actually what I wanted to talk about.” I got up and walked over to her bed, then nudged her over and climbed in with her. She sighed and rolled over, and I laid down to face her, pulling the covers up around us. “I’m worried about you, Amy. You’ve been really sick for a while now. Maybe you should see a doctor.”

She gulped and wet her dry lips. “I’m a little worried too, actually,” she whispered.

I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed hard. Now was the part where she was going to accuse me of judging her. “Have you been drinking?” I asked quietly.

Her face started to crumple. “No,” she croaked. “I haven’t had a drop since....” She hesitated and took in a breath. “Since Vegas.” Then the tears started to fall.

“Amy?” I put a hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong?” She sniffled and buried her face in her hands, sobbing. “Amelia, talk to me!” She shook her head back and forth, her hands still covering her face. I scooted towards her and pulled her into a hug. “Sshh, Amy. You’re my best friend. I love you. If something’s wrong, you need to tell me so that I can help you,” I soothed. I rubbed my hand across her back as her shoulders finally stopped shaking and her frantic sobs slowed to occasional hiccups.


She pulled away from me and sat up, pulling her knees up to her chest and laying her cheek on one of them. I sat up facing her. “Please don’t hate me,” she whimpered.

“I could never hate you, Amelia,” I insisted.

Her face crumpled again. “You remember that stupid thing I said I did in Vegas?”

“Yeah.....” I placed both of my hands on her knees, prodding her on.

“It was Kevin.”

I shook my head back and forth rapidly in an attempt to clear it. Surely, I was hearing things. “I’m sorry.....what?”

“I...” She paused and took in a few shaky breaths. “I had sex with Kevin in Vegas.”

I jerked my hands away from her knees as if they’d suddenly turned into hot coals. “You did what?”

“You heard me, Em.”

“Yeah, I heard you, but what does that have to do with....” I gasped in sudden realization. “Are you...pregnant?”

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the headboard. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” I chastised. “Have you taken a test?” She shook her head. “I don’t understand, Amy. Didn’t you use a condom?”

She wiped at the the tears that were falling down her face again. “I honestly don’t remember.”

I sighed exasperatedly. “Are you late?” She nodded. “How late?”

“About two weeks.”

“Amy!” I shot up to my feet and planted my hands on my hips. “You’re telling me that you’re two weeks late and haven’t even taken a test?!”

“Yeah. I just can’t bring myself to do it, I guess. That makes it more real, you know?”

Actually, I didn’t know. I had no way to even fathom how Amelia was feeling at the moment. I paced between our beds for a while as her eyes followed me back and forth. “Does Kevin know?” I finally asked.

“No,” she muttered.

“You need to tell him.”

“I can’t.”

I threw my hands up in defeat. “I need to get out of here.” I changed into a pair of jeans and slipped on a pair of sandals, then grabbed my key and left.

Chapter 24 by emily_michele

 

 

I don’t really know why I ended up outside of Kevin’s hotel room but there I was. Actually, I'm a liar.  I do know why. Amelia was in complete denial, and someone had to do something. I tapped lightly on the door, silently praying he wouldn’t be there. I heard him grunt and the bed springs creak, and almost turned and ran in the other direction. “Who is it?” he barked.

 

 

 

“It’s me,” I replied hoarsely. The door flung open about a second later.

 

 

 

“Hey Em.” I let out a long breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. He was shirtless, barefoot, and wearing a pair of black sweatpants. He reached both arms up and leaned on the top of the door frame, his muscles flexing. “What’s up?”

 

 

 

“Kevin, do you have time to talk?” I studied his face, and with my eyes, silently asked permission to come in.

 

 

 

He smiled. “Sure, babe.” He stepped out of the doorway and held the door open for me. I balked at his calling me “babe.” That sort of thing would make Joey furious. This was going to be even harder than I thought. He flopped onto the edge of the unmade bed and motioned for me to come over, patting the sheet beside him. “Have a seat.” I took a few tentative steps towards him then glanced behind me at the desk chair. “Oh, what the heck,” I thought, and eased down stiffly beside him. He smiled warmly, the wheels in his head obviously turning. “What was it you wanted to talk about?” he asked suggestively.

 

 

 

Oh good Lord, he was flirting! He very obviously had the wrong idea about my little visit-- not that he could really foresee the real reason for my being in his hotel room. I sighed and shook my head. “I know about what happened in Vegas.”

 

 

 

“Yeah Nick and Chrissy got married, and when the tabloids get a hold of this....” He put on his clueless face.

 

 

 

“Kevin....” I said sternly. “I know.”

 

 

 

His eyes widened. “She told you?” he snapped, obviously angry.

 

 

 

“She’s my best friend.”

 

 

 

“Are you mad?” I snorted. He didn’t know the half of it. He stood up and began pacing, his hands on his hips. “Listen Emily, we were drunk. Shit-faced, actually.”

 

 

 

I glared at him and crossed my arms. He knew I hated that term. “She’s nineteen, Kevin. Do you know how much trouble you could get into for that?”

 

 

 

He groaned and ran his hands through his hair. He always did that when he was frustrated. “I didn’t buy the drinks for her, Em. You’ve gotta believe me. You know they don’t card the celebrities around there. The bartender was hitting on her all night.”

 

 

 

“Kevin you knew better! You’re an experienced drinker. She isn’t (or wasn’t, I thought to myself).” What I really wanted to say was that Amelia was a month and a half younger than me and and that his “you’re too young for me” excuse was no longer valid. Oh boy, he was really about to get a bomb dropped on him.

 

 

 

He turned to me and grabbed my wrists. His eyes darkened. “Why the hell do you care so much anyway?” he hissed. “I’m pretty sure you lost the privilege to care about my sex life the minute you hooked up with Joey Fatone!” It was no secret that Kevin was jealous of Joey. As we’d fallen back into “friend mode,” Kevin took every opportunity to tell me about it. Though at the moment, I had to wonder if he was really just joking, or not.

 

 

 

“Let go of me!” I yelled at him. “I don’t give a crap about your sex life, as long as it doesn’t involve my best friend!”

 

 

 

“She’s a big girl, Em. She can take care of herself!” He snapped. He was red-faced and the vein in his neck was bulging as he kept pacing back and forth in front of the bed.

 

 

 

“Oh yeah? Then why is it that she won’t come to you and tell you she’s late?” I replied hastily.

 

 

 

Kevin stopped dead in his tracks. His blood ran cold and the color drained from his face. “She...she’s what?” he stammered. That wasn’t exactly how I’d planned for it to come out.

 

 

 

“You heard me.” My voice was barely above a whisper.

 

 

 

“Get out,” he croaked, pointing to the door.

 

 

 

I nodded and stood up. “Be nice, Kev. She’s scared senseless.” I squeezed his arm and walked out the door. Outside, as I walked down the hall knowing I couldn’t go back to mine and Amelia’s room yet, I broke down. I ran for the stairs and sank down on the top one. This was my ugly cry, complete with loud, blubbering sobs that echoed in the stairwell and tears that streamed endlessly down my face, making the neckline of my shirt wet. For the life of me, I don’t know why someone didn’t call security because of the noise.

 

 

 

Meanwhile, Kevin threw on a t-shirt and slipped on a pair of flip flops. He grabbed his key card and took off down the hall. He knocked on the door only to be met with a “Go away!”

 

 

 

“No!” he replied gruffly. The door popped open and he walked in. She was already laying back down on her bed and covering up. Kevin’s heart sank as he stared at her. Her eyes were rimmed with red, and mascara tracks from the makeup she hadn’t removed the night before ran down her cheeks. Her hair was disheveled and she was still in her pajamas. She buried her face in her pillow and pulled the sheets up over her head.

 

 

 

“Go away Kevin,” she moaned.

 

 

 

“Nope.” He shoved her legs out of the way and sat down beside her, pulling at her sheet. “We need to talk.”

 

 

 

“No we don’t,” she said with her voice muffled by her pillow.

 

 

 

“How are you feeling?” He asked with geniune concern as she peeked her eyes out from under the sheet. He cocked his head to the side and waited for her reply.

 

 

 

“That little...” She bolted up in the bed and glared at him. “She told you!”

 

 

 

“Yeah...” His hand landed on one of her knees. “Have you taken a test?”

 

 

 

She covered one of her hands with her mouth and let out a sob. “No.”

 

 

 

“Ok then. So, this could all just be a big scare right?”

 

 

 

Amelia shrugged. “I’m pretty regular.”

 

 

 

“There’s been a lot going on though. Maybe it’s stress.” She raised an eyebrow at his knowledge of the menstrual cycle. “I’ll be back in 10 minutes.” He stood to leave.

 

 

 

“Wait. Where are you going?”

 

 

 

“To buy you a test.”

 

 

 

“I can buy my own test.”

 

 

 

He crossed his arms and smirked. “Is that why you haven’t taken one yet? That was almost a month ago, Amy. So you’re at least a couple weeks late, right?”

 

 

 

She sighed and dropped her shoulders. “Yeah.”

 

 

 

“So I’ll be right back.”

 

 

 

“Kevin wait! Where are you gonna go?”

 

 

 

“There’s a big pharmacy section in the gift shop in the lobby. I thought I’d check there first.”

 

 

 

“How are you going to swing that? The paparazzi are everywhere, Kevin.”

 

 

 

He shrugged and walked out. Ten minutes later, he was back with a brown paper bag. He tossed it on the bed where she was still lying. “Did you really go down there and buy that?” She asked loudly.

 

 

 

“I had to, Amelia. Now go do your thing. I bought two...just to be sure.” He sat rigidly on the desk chair in the corner as she marched into the bathroom. Five minutes later, she came out with fresh tears streaming down her face. He rushed to her side and pulled her into his arms as she buried her face in his chest, her shoulders shaking violently.

 

 

 

“Shh, Amy. It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.” He stroked her hair lovingly and gently pressed his lips to the top of her head. He hoped he was right. Years later, there would be a Las Vegas commercial with that infamous tag line, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” and they would laugh hysterically each and every time they saw it.

 

 

Chapter 25 by emily_michele


I’m not sure how long I’d been in the stairwell when Kevin found me, but apparently, it was a while. “Hey,” he said, his voice echoing off the cinder block walls and causing me to jump. I turned to find him standing with the door propped open and looking down at me with his serious face.

“Did you talk to Amelia?” I asked sullenly.

“I didn’t just talk to her. I bought her a test. Two tests, actually.” He sighed as he let the door close behind him and sat down beside me.

“And?”

“Both positive,” he said stoically as he stared straight ahead of him. I nodded slowly, not really knowing what to say. Kevin turned to me and put a hand on my forearm. “You okay?”

I chuckled slightly. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

He held his head down and kicked at the treads of the stair his feet rested on. “I never intended for you find out about that night.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that it happened, Kevin.” I laughed bitterly.

“I know,” he said, still holding his head down in shame. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s a little too late for ‘sorry,’ don’t you think? God, Kevin, I am so mad at you for so many reasons right now.”

“I know. I’m pretty mad at me, too.” He stayed hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees but turned his head to look up at me. I could see the fear in his eyes.

“I just don’t understand, Kevin. You let her get drunk off her ass then, what? Took advantage of her?”

“No!” he nearly shouted. He winced at the volume of his own voice and immediately got much quieter. “No. It wasn’t like that. I was drunk off my ass, too. I woke up the next morning...naked...” His ears flushed in embarrassment. “...with her in my bed and basically no recollection of what happened the night before. I wanted to go jump off a bridge-- I felt like such an ass. We agreed to never speak of it again and pretend the whole thing never happened. Of course we can’t do that now.”

“Nope. Definitely not. I can’t believe you didn’t even use protection!” I scolded him.

“We did, actually. It was the first thing I wondered about that morning, and I honestly couldn’t remember. I found a...a used condom in the floor by the bed after she’d gone back to her room.” There were those red ears again.

 I pursed my lips in deep thought. “I know it’s probably wrong to question my best friend about something like this, but....are you sure it’s yours?”
 

He nodded. “Pretty sure, yeah. She and AJ hadn’t.....had any kind of sex that could result in conception for a couple weeks before she and I...” Again with the red ears.

“Oh, okay. I’m kind of sorry I asked.” I laughed in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“Yeah. I kind of was, too.” He fell silent and looked back down at his feet.

“Have you talked about what you’re going to do?”

He shook his head. “No, not really. I think she’s still trying to let it all sink in. I told her I’d check in on her later and maybe we’d talk. We did agree to keep it quiet for a while, though.”

I nodded. “That’s understandable.” I wiped a stray tear from my cheek. It was all a lot to try to take in.

He turned around so that our knees bumped up against each other and placed his hands on my cheeks. “I know I already said I’m sorry, but I feel like I just keep hurting you.”

“Tearin’ Up My Heart” started blaring from my cell phone. “I don’t have to answer it,” I said hastily.

“Actually, go ahead. I need to get going, anyway. Busy day.” He stood up, and without another word, walked back out into the hallway while I scrambled to answer my phone.

“Hey, you,” I said, attempting to sound cheerful.

“Hey, yourself. I take it I didn’t wake you up?” Joey’s actually cheerful voice said through the phone.

 

“No. I’ve been up for a while, actually,” I answered truthfully.

 

“Where are you?” he asked.

 

“In the hotel.”

 

“What a coincidence. So am I!” he bantered back.

 

“You’re in a hotel?”

 

“Correction. I’m in the hotel. Your hotel.”

 

“I thought you weren’t supposed to be here for two more days!”

 

He chuckled. “Well, N’Sync’s not supposed to be here for two more days. You’re here, so I’m here.” He sounded so proud of himself, and ordinarily, I would have been overjoyed, but now was just not a good time. Not after the morning I’d had. “Em?” He sounded concerned. “I found Marcus, and he says you’ve been crying in the stairwell.” So someone had heard me. “What’s up?”

 

I sighed as I stood up and started back out into the hall. “Nothing that you need to worry about, Joe.”

 

“My girlfriend’s crying in the stairwell. Of course I need to worry about it.”

 

“Where are you?” I trudged down the hallway and slipped my keycard into my door.

 

“I got a room, and I was thinking about ordering us some breakfast. That is, if you haven’t eaten yet.” I could hear him turning the pages of a book. He was a sucker for those information binders in every hotel room. The first thing he always did when he got into his room was read them.

 

“Actually, breakfast sounds great. What room are you in?”

 

“927.”

 

“Great! I’ll be up in about 20 minutes?”

 

“Sounds good. You sure you’re okay? Can we talk about it when you get here?”

 

“I don’t really want to do a lot of talking,” I said provocatively, in an attempt to distract him from the matter at hand.

 

“Oh really?” I could practically hear his excited smile. “Then hurry up, woman!” he joked. I hung up and glanced at Amelia, who had fallen back asleep. She looked terrible, and I felt a little guilty for planning to leave her alone all day, but Joey was just the distraction I needed to get my mind off things. Everything was so messed up, I didn’t even want to begin to sort through it all. I wasn’t even sure if I could face Amelia at the moment. I hopped in the shower and shaved my legs, then got dressed, put on some makeup, and ran some gel through my wet hair, intending to let it dry in curls. I left Amelia a note letting her know where I was, grabbed my phone and key, and went up a couple floors to Joey’s room.

 

When I knocked and he flung the door open excitedly, I really didn’t mean to stand in the hallway gaping at him as long as I did, but his hair was red. I don’t mean that it had a few red streaks or that it was a lovely shade of auburn. I mean it was fire engine red. Give him some white face makeup and a red nose, and he could have been Ronald McDonald.

 

“It’s too much, isn’t it?” His face started turning just a few shades lighter than his hair.

 

“Well, you should know that AJ’s is blue....”

 

“Crap! Now it looks like I’m trying too hard.” He laughed heartily, which was enough to break the ice, and I waltzed into the room, letting the door swing shut behind me. “It’s not going to last very long. I promise.”

 

“It doesn’t look that bad...it’s just a big change is all. I’m glad it’s not going to last long, though.” I giggled and patted the top of his head to feel the fiery red spikes.

 

“It’s gone tomorrow.” He said seriously.

 

“Oh, have a little fun. At least grab some attention at the VMAs.” I smirked.

 

He smirked back. “I’m pretty sure the hottie on my arm’s going to be the reason I’m grabbing attention at the VMAs.” He closed the space between us and enveloped me in a sensual kiss.

 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” I breathed, clutching handfuls of his t-shirt and taking in the scent of his aftershave.

 

“I’m glad I’m here too.” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and squeezed hard.

“Until I saw you standing there in the doorway, appalled at my hair....” He chuckled softly against the top of my head then pulled away slightly so that he could look down at me. “I didn’t realize how badly I’d missed you, and this...” He squeezed me tight again. “This feels amazing.” I snaked my arms around his waist and squeezed back, then buried my face in his chest and sobbed. I was just overwhelmed. For a long time, he simply stood there holding me.

 

I finally pulled myself together and removed my face from his chest. I wiped the lingering tears from my cheeks and looked to down to find mascara smudges on my fingers and a large wet spot on Joey’s blue t-shirt. “I ruined your shirt.” I sniffled and forced a smile.

 

He shrugged. “I’ve got a lot of shirts. Are you okay? It’s not something I did, is it?” He put his hands on my shoulders and cocked his head to the side with his eyes fixed on mine.

 

“No, not at all. I can’t tell you right now, Joey, but I promise it’s nothing to do with you. You’ve made it so much better.”

 

He bit his lip in concentration, staring hard at me. “Okay.” He pointed towards his balcony. “Breakfast is over there. It’s probably cold, but I can always order more.”

 

I started walking towards the sliding glass doors. The table on the balcony was set for two, complete with silver platters, orange juice in champagne flutes, and a single long-stemmed rose in a crystal vase in the center. I smiled. “No. It’s perfect.”

 

Chapter 26 by emily_michele
Author's Notes:

I decided to post this one in honor of Valentine's Day, since my sweetie hasn't made it home from work yet :)


We spent the rest of the morning eating breakfast, talking, and laughing. He told me about the music video they’d just finished shooting, and I told him funny stories about life on the road with the Backstreet Boys, being sure to leave out anything that happened in Vegas. We talked about Johnny’s ludicrous theory that our relationship could be good for our careers, and he convinced me to go shopping at The Grove with him that afternoon. Honestly, it felt pretty great that we could eat our frozen yogurt together on a park bench and have our picture taken by the paparazzi, who were hoping to get a glimpse of everyone in town for the awards show, without anyone really caring. We ate a “fancy” dinner, consisting of pizza from one of Joey’s favorite pizzerias in town and Diet Coke, back out on the balcony of Joey’s hotel room.

After we’d left the glass-topped table covered in sauce-stained napkins and a greasy, empty pizza box, Joey stood up and held his hand out to me. “Let’s go to the beach!”

I stayed seated. “The beach, Joey? It’s already getting dark, and my swimsuit is back in my room.”

He laughed and walked around the table to where I was sitting. “I didn’t say I wanted to go swimming and build sand castles. I just said ‘let’s go to the beach’. Come on. It’s only a couple blocks from here.” I obliged, and just a few minutes later, we walked hand in hand along the shoreline. The beach was surprisingly empty for early evening in Los Angeles, and there were only a few other people scattered about-- a couple joggers, a surfer out in the waves, some teenagers playing frisbee, and another couple walking their dog were all we could see along the long stretch of sand and water in front of us. Our shoes rested near a sand dune several yards away as we walked facing the sunset, and brilliant oranges, pinks, and purples spead across the night sky and reflected off the surface of the blue water. Warm waves crashed over our feet and my hair blew wildly in the salty breeze. I nuzzled my head against his shoulder comfortably and sighed in contentment. Joey had somehow managed to turn a rotten day into a fantastic one in just a few short hours. I loved that about him.

Suddenly, he stopped and squeezed my hand. “Let’s go sit,” he suggested, turning his head and gesturing towards the sand dune behind us where our shoes were.
“Okay, sure.” He led me across the sand and plopped down, pulling me with him so that I was situated between his bent legs with my back up against his chest. He wrapped one arm around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. With his free hand, he twirled his fingers in my long curls. “I love your hair,” he murmured against my neck.

“No comment on yours,” I joked.

I could feel the vibrations of his deep laugh against my ear and down my back. “And I love that you have this weird sense of humor but seem to be so much more mature than me at the same time. You get me.”

I stretched my neck awkwardly so that I could plant a kiss on his stubbly cheek. “You get me, too.” I smiled.

He grunted lightly as he twisted his body and moved mine so that my back was resting against one of his bent knees. My body was still surrounded by his, yet we were now facing each other. “I want to talk to you about something,” he said seriously.

“Sure. What is it?”

He grabbed one of my hands and laced his fingers loosely through mine. “I’m guessing you had pretty much the same conversation with Johnny about our relationship that I did.”

“Probably.”

“Well, he told me that when we go out together, we need to act like we’re in love, and I wanted to tell you that it’s going to be pretty easy for me.”

I gulped. “Joey, what are you saying?”

“What I’m saying is that it’s not going to be an act. I-- I love you.” My breath hitched in my throat as he went on. “I know we haven’t been together very long, and half of that time we’ve been apart from each other. I’m not expecting you to say it back yet. I just wanted you to-” I cut him off as I grabbed the back of his head and pressed my lips into his roughly. He groaned as I pushed my tongue into his mouth and ran my fingers through his hair.

I kissed him for a good five minutes while I thought about what I was going to say back to him, and suddenly it was crystal clear. My heart started beating wildly as I pulled away from him, both of us breathless. “I love you, too.”

He grinned widely. “Really?”

“Yes, really.” He practically tackled me and my back fell against the soft, white sand as he landed on top of me.

“We’ve in love!” he shouted. I giggled as he started ravishing me with kisses.

We couldn’t keep our hands off each other as we walked back to the hotel, and when we got into an empty elevator, he promptly pushed my back against the wall and pressed up against me hard, kissing my neck. He jumped back quickly when we heard the tell-tale ding! of the elevator, signaling the doors were opening back up before it had even started moving. We both blushed and he stepped behind me to hide his ahem, excitement, as Brian and his bodyguard sauntered onto the elevator with us. Brian raised his eyebrows in amusement. He nodded his head towards Joey. “Joey,” he greeted him.

“Brian,” Joey returned the nod. When they stepped off the elevator just a few seconds later, we collapsed into a fit of giggles as the elevator rose up another couple floors.

“Well, that was a close one,” Joey gasped, clutching his stomach because he was laughing so hard. He grabbed my hand as the elevator doors opened on his floor and jogged to his room. He fumbled in his pocket for his keycard as he pressed his lips up against mine hungrily. “Now, where were we?” The door swang open and he shut it quickly before pressing me up against it and grinding against me as we kissed. His hands went to my hair and a few grains of sand shook loose. “Shower?” he asked cautiously. I bit my lip nervously and nodded slowly.

He captured my lips in another kiss and broke away before turning towards the bathroom. I followed behind him and watched curiously as he grabbed a couple towels and laid them on the toilet beside the shower. He unwrapped a bar of soap and placed it on the soap dish attached to the tiled wall, then rooted around in his toiletry bag and pulled out bottles of shampoo and conditioner. “The hotel stuff sucks. Use these.” He handed them to me then gestured to the back of the open bathroom door. “There’s a bathrobe there that you can put on when you’re finished.” Then he turned on his heel and started to leave.

I was so confused. “Joe? Where are you going?”

He turned back around and smiled warmly before pulling me into his arms and sweetly kissing me on the forehead. He looked down at my questioning eyes. “Your first....experience...shouldn’t be in the shower. It’s kind of awkward.” He laughed nervously. “We’ll wash the sand off.” He paused. “Separately. Then, we’ll see what happens, okay?”

I nodded. “Thank you.” He winked at me and closed the bathroom door. I spent a lot of time in the shower thinking and talking myself down. One one hand, I really did love Joey and really did want to do this with him. On the other hand, there had been a point in my life that I’d decided to save myself for marriage. However, I definitely couldn’t see myself doing something like Chrissy had, and I didn’t envision myself getting married for quite some time. I had, however decided that maybe I’d wait until I found “The One,” which left me wondering whether or not Joey was “The One.” It scared me a little when I realized that after Danny’s death and everything that had happened with Kevin, maybe he was.

When I emerged from the bathroom patting my hair dry with one of the fluffy white towels Joey had given me, he was lounging in a chair watching TV. He jumped up and wiped his palms on the legs of his jeans, then handed me the remote. “I’ll be quick!” he said, placing his hands lightly on my bathrobe-clad hips and dropping a quick kiss on my cheek. I almost started laughing when he came out of the bathroom less than five minutes later, wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers.

So, I know Joey (and others) always called himself “The Fat One,” and that he’s had some weight issues on an off over the years, but in 1998, that wasn’t the case at all. Oh, he was a big guy, but it was mostly muscle. I’d seen him shirtless before, changing quickly after a show or whatever, but in that moment, the sight of his sculpted chest and broad shoulders elicited a little gasp from me. He smiled and walked slowly over to the bed, where I was sitting and watching an episode of “Friends.” He placed his hands on the mattress so that his arms were on either side of me and nudged me backwards so that my head and shoulders fell against the padded headboard. He climbed on top of me so that his body hovered over mine, most of his weight being supported by his hands, and kissed me softly at first, but then with more intensity. I looped my hands behind his neck and kissed him back with the same amount of fervor.

After several minutes of that, he fell into the middle of the bed and turned onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow and looking up at me. “I love you,” he breathed, as his hands trailed through my hair, across my shoulder, and down my side before coming to rest on my hipbone. His fingers traced circles on the fluffy, white terrycloth.

I smiled and inched down on the bed so that my head rested on the pillow and turned toward so that we were face to face. “I love you, too,” I whispered. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him, then crashed his lips down on mine again. I closed my eyes and trailed my hands along the length of his back and stopped them just short of the waistband of his boxers. He moaned and involuntarily thrust his hips into mine, his arousal now very obvious. His hands were everywhere-- my hair, my shoulders, my butt. Then one slipped to the front of my bathrobe and tugged on my belt. I stiffened and my eyes shot open as the robe, which was previously wrapped around me tightly, fell open. Joey’s eyes were closed, but he smiled against my mouth as his hand played along the pane of my bare stomach.

“You feel amazing,” he whispered as he opened his eyes and took his lips off of mine. “You okay?” he asked, placing a hand on my cheek.

“Yeah. I think so.”

He nodded and stared pointedly into my eyes. “Let me know if you’re not, okay?”

I licked my lips and gulped. “Okay.” Suddenly, his lips were on my neck, and I shivered as he licked at the dip above my collarbone. As if by instinct, my hand went to the front of his boxers and rested hesitantly on him.

“God, Em,” he whispered. His fingers trailed along my hip and landed on my thigh. He squeezed gently as if asking permission to go on. My own fingers slipped cautiously through the fly of his strained boxers and he groaned, slipping his hand between my thighs. I inhaled sharply at the new sensation of his large finger inside of me. “Remember, you can tell me when to stop.” His breath tickled my ear. I pursed my lips and nodded, then stroked him lightly. He kissed me and groaned again

We continued on like that for a while until he finally raised up to his knees, straddled my hips, and reached across the bed to his wallet on the nightstand. As he retrieved the foil packet from inside of it, I suddenly envisioned Kevin finding a used condom on the carpet. Then I saw a positive pregnancy test. Actually, I saw two. “Joey, wait.”

Chapter 27 by emily_michele


His head spun around and he looked down at me as he dropped both the wallet and the condom to the floor. “What’s up?” He stared at me curiously, and obviously disappointed.

“I, uh.....”

“Go on....” He climbed off of me and sat on the bed, pulling me into his lap.

“I found out today that a friend of mine from home is pregnant, and they used a condom. I just couldn’t help thinking about that, I guess.”

His mouth formed an “O”. “Well, nothing’s 100 percent, Em. That does happen sometimes, but if you use them correctly, it’s not very likely.”

I sighed. “I’m sorry, Joe. I’m just really shaken up about it, and I definitely don’t want a baby right now. Do you? I mean, you’d be a great dad one day, but...”

“You’re right. I don’t want one. Not for a while,” he interrupted me. He groaned in frustration and hugged me tightly. “Is this why you were so upset earlier?”

I looked down at my open bathrobe and nodded. “Yeah,” I answered quietly.


“Who?” he prodded.

“It doesn’t matter.” I sighed and pulled my robe together, re-tying the belt. He glanced down as I did it and looked back up at me, biting his bottom lip.

“Obviously, it’s somebody important to you, or you wouldn’t be so upset about it....” He trailed off as the proverbial lightbulb above his head lit up. “It’s one of the Forever girls, isn’t it?” I said nothing and kept trying to re-situate my bathrobe. “Which means the father is probably one of the guys! Is it one of my guys?”

“Joey, please. I can’t talk about it right now. It’s going to have to come out eventually, but like I said before, she just found out today, and they want to keep it quiet while they figure some things out.”

“Okay, okay. Fine.” He took his hands off of me and held them up in defense. “So, um, what do you propose we do about...this?” His eyes trailed over my body, and I could still feel his arousal pressing up against me.

“Maybe I could start taking birth control? And you could wear a condom anyway? I know that seems a little overkill, but it would give us a bit more of a safety net.”

Joey nodded. “I’m cool with that, actually. Whatever make you feel more comfortable, okay?” He grinned and pressed his lips to my neck, and started licking and sucking gently.

“But, um....Even if I went to a...a clinic tomorrow...” The sensations coursing through my body made it hard to speak, or even think. “I think it still.... takes a couple weeks before they’re fully effective, so....”

Joey looked up at me and grinned. “You’ll let me know when it’s okay, then?” His hands kneaded the tops of my upper thighs.

“Um... yeah. I’ll give you the green light.”

“Awesome.” He licked a trail from my collarbone up to my ear and nibbled lightly. I gasped when one of his hands slipped under my robe and between my legs.

“Joey...”

“Shh,” he whispered against my hair, making my curls tickle my ear. “I love you. Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” I answered nervously.

“Then relax....”
************************************************************************

So Joey and I got intimate without actually doing the deed and woke up in each other’s arms the next morning. I stretched and glanced over at the alarm clock on the bedside table, then immediately jumped up when I realized what time it was. “Love ‘em and leave ‘em?” Joey joked from underneath the covers. He rolled over to his stomach, crossed his bare arms, and rested his chin on top of them. “It’s only 9:30. Where are you going?”

“I have a....a thing,” I said in a rush as I pulled on my pants from the day before.

“A thing? Very descriptive there, Em.” He laughed.

“I have an appointment with a stylist in...” I glanced back over at the clock. “An hour.”

“A stylist?”

“It’s to pick out something to wear for the awards show.”

“Ooh, fun! Can I come with?” He sat up in bed and smiled at me excitedly.

I raised an eyebrow. “Um...okay...I just didn’t figure you’d be interested. You are a man, after all.”

Joey smiled mischievously. “You’ll be trying on a lot of clothes, right?”

“Yeah...”


“Which means that you’ll spend a lot of time in various state of undress, right?”

I tossed a throw pillow at his face. “Oh, hush.”

He caught it and laughed. “Where’s your appointment?”

“Some fancy boutique down the street.”

“And you’ve got an hour?”

“Yeah.”

“How about you go to your room and get ready, and I’ll shower and order breakfast for us? We can eat, and I’ll walk you there.”

“Okay, sure.” Joey climbed out of bed and planted a quick kiss on my lips, then swatted at my behind as I walked out giggling.

When I got to my room, I was greeted by a rather chipper Amelia. “Em! Hey!”

I furrowed my brows, confused by her exuberance. “Hey,” I said as I closed the door behind me and approached my suitcase.

“Tell me you watched TRL yesterday!”

“No. Actually, Joey came into town a couple days early. We went out.”

“You mean you didn’t hear?!” she practically squealed.

“Didn’t hear what?”

She smiled widely and jumped back and forth from one foot to the other like she was about to pee. “We were number 3!”

The makeup bag I was holding fell to the floor. “No way!”

“Yes! ‘Understand You’ was right behind ‘Everybody’ and ‘Tearin’ Up My Heart’!” We were so excited that we started hugging each other and jumping up and down, momentarily forgetting the underlying tension between us. “Oh, and Johnny called Mel, and MTV had someone cancel on them. They want us to present an award!”

“No way!”

“Yes way!”

“Why didn’t anyone call me about this yesterday?” I asked her when we’d calmed down a bit.

She looked down at her feet. “They asked me if I’d call you, and I said I would, but I figured you wouldn’t answer if it was me anyway.”

“You’re probably right,” I admitted with a sigh. I stooped down to the floor to pick up the makeup bag I’d dropped and started puling clothes out of my suitcase. “Listen, I know we’ve got a lot of talking to do, and I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now, but we have that thing with Stuart in less than an hour.”

She nodded her head. “I understand. Later?”

“Yeah. Later.” I gave her a quick hug and headed for the bathroom. I
made myself presentable in record time and hurried back to Joey’s room. When he answered, I threw my arms around his neck excitedly and wrapped my legs around his waist before kissing his cheek with a loud “smack.” “Well, hello to you, too,” he chuckled. I felt him twitch a little below the belt, blushed, and squirmed away from him until my feet hit the floor. “Well that didn’t last long,” he whined.

“Have you heard anything about yesterday’s TRL?”

“No, why? Were we finally number one?” He looked down at me expectantly.

“No. Number two.”

“As usual.” His shoulders sank.

“And we were number three!”

“What?! Baby, that’s awesome!” He scooped me up and twirled around in a circle, then sat me back down and kissed me hard. “Congratulations!”

Chapter 28 by emily_michele

Apparently, Stuart thought it would be funny if I coordinated with Joey’s new hair, because everything he brought me to try on was red. When I finally called him out on it, Joey started laughing so hard that I had to remind him to breathe. We finally settled on a halter-style minidress in a black and red (of course) print. It was Joey’s choice, actually.

The next night, I got my first true taste of what it feels like to be a celebrity. All ten of us, the members of N’Sync and Forever, were piled into one stretch limousine, and as we filed out, cameras flashed from every direction. The girls got out first, and I was the last, followed by Joey, JC, Lance, Chris, and Justin. I only thought the camera flashes were insane when I got out of the limo. By the time Justin got out, I was was basically blind, and when the Backstreet Boys stepped onto the red carpet just moments later, it was pandemonium. We walked the red carpet together, and Joey and I acted as both the dividing line and the tie that bound the two groups together. Joey did most of the talking when we were asked about our relationship, and Mel did a lot of promotion for our debut album, which was scheduled to be released at the beginning of October. John Norris, and even Carson, congratulated us on our #3 position on the the TRL countdown. When we finally made it into the theater, I struggled to adjust my eyes to the stark contrast between bright camera flashes and dark auditorium, and stumbled over the threshold.

Joey grabbed my elbow to steady me and leaned his head down to whisper in my ear. “Can’t see a damn thing can you?”

I laughed. “No, not a thing. Add these stupid shoes,” I said, gesturing down to the strappy heels I was wearing. “And I’m toast.”

“You get used to it.” He smiled and wrapped his arm securely around my waist. “In the meantime, I can just hold on to you at all the red-carpet events. You know, I think I’d actually prefer it if you never got used to it.”

I stretched up on my tip-toes and kissed his cheek quickly. “No complaints here.”

It was a great night. I had a total fan-girl moment when Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey came on stage in those famous brown dresses. The Backstreet Boys totally rocked their “Everybody” performance, and at some point in the middle of it, I glanced to my right to see Christina literally fanning herself. “Have you seen my husband?” she whispered. “Too bad he had to take those glasses off to dance. My god, he looks hot in those.” I could only laugh. I was relieved that she was talking to me and finally in a good mood. She’d been pretty bitter about the fact that we were arriving with and sitting with N’Sync, and that I was sitting right next to my boyfriend while she stared at the back of her secret husband’s head from several rows back.

N’Sync was greeted with huge applause when they walked on stage to introduce Brandy and Monica singing “The Boy is Mine,” and as luck would have it, Forever ended up presenting the award for Best Group Video. I couldn’t have been happier when Amelia opened the envelope and we all got to scream “The Backstreet Boys!” When they all made it onto the stage,excited hugs were shared all around, but I was completely taken aback when Kevin gathered me into his arms and planted a kiss right on my lips. Strangely enough, Carson Daly and the rest of the media didn’t even make a big deal out of it afterwards. Perhaps that was because AJ did it, too. Nick and Chrissy even snuck behind the rest of us and stole a kiss.

The three groups all ended up at the same after party, and though I was pretty wrapped up in dancing/making out with Joey on the dance floor, I noticed when Howie answered his cell phone and his expression suddenly turned serious. When he slipped out the door and into the hallway, I pulled away from Joey, placing my hands on his upper arms. “I’ll be back in a little bit, okay?”

“Okay sure.” I’m pretty sure he assumed I was just going to the restroom or something, because he didn’t question it. I rushed outside, going as fast as my stupid heels, which were now rubbing blisters on the tops of my toes, would let me. I found him under an exit sign facing the wall, with the phone still pressed up to his ear.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He hung up, stuffed the phone in his pocket, and leaned his head up against the wall with his back still facing me.

“Howie?” I touched his shoulder hesitantly, and he jumped, jerking his head around to look at me.

“Oh. Hey.” His eyes were red and he sniffled, swatting at the tears rolling down his cheeks.

“What’s going on?”

He peeled himself off the wall and tried to push past me. “I have to go,” he said gruffly.

I grabbed his hand and stepped in front of him. “Howie, what’s wrong?” I could tell he was straining not to cry and squeezed his hand hard.

“It’s Caroline.”

“What about Caroline?” After nearly a year of close friendship, I knew a lot about Howie’s family, and I knew how he worried about Caroline.

“She’s um...had a bad Lupus flare, and they....” He trailed off and crumbled.

I pulled him into a fierce hug and he buried his face into my shoulder. He was shaking so hard that I could barely hold onto him. “Howie, what?” I pleaded with him.

“It’s bad,” he muttered into the crook of my neck. “Her doctor said it was a good idea to call the family..... in case we need to say our goodbyes.” His head shot up and he looked at me. “That’s why I need to go.”

I nodded. “Yeah. Yeah you do. What do you need?” I saw Joey standing at the other end of the hallway, watching us curiously. “Stay here. Call the airport and get a flight. Do not go anywhere until I get back, okay?”


“Okay....” He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his cell phone while I jogged towards Joey.

“Have you seen Kevin?” I asked him.

“Uh...I think he was at the bar.” He answered, bewildered.

“Was he drunk?”

“How am I supposed to know?” He shrugged as he grabbed my waist and looked down at me, concerned. “What’s going on?”

I shook my head. “No time right now, Joe.” I started through the door, and as the music booming from outside got louder and spilled out into the hallway, I turned and pointed at Howie. “Watch him. Don’t let him go anywhere alone.”

“What? Em... Wait.” Joey held his hands out towards me, but I was already gone, and he was left “watching” Howie.

I pushed my way through the mingling crowd and headed for the bar where Kevin was perched atop a stool and having a beer with P. Diddy, or was he still Puff Daddy at the time? It was really a sight to see, and I kind of hated to break it up. I could only hope one of the paparazzos had already snapped a picture of the strange pair together. My hand fell down hard on his shoulder and he turned lackadaisically at first, but when he noticed who was standing behind him, he shot around and started to stand. “What’s wrong?” he asked, obviously noticing the distressed look on my face.

I was relieved that he appeared to be mostly sober. “It’s Howie.”

He immediately fell into “big brother mode” and started following me outside. “What’s wrong with Howie?”

“Something’s happened with his sister and they’ve called him to come home and say good bye,” I explained as I ushered him through the crowd.

“Damn,” he uttered under his breath.

“It’s not that I can’t handle him, but we have a show in a couple days, and I’m not really sure how to deal all of that,” I went on.

“It’s fine, Emily,” he assured me as we passed by Joey, who still stood there dumbfounded. “Thanks for coming to get me.” Kevin called the tour manager and helped Howie get his flight booked, then he pulled him into a “man hug” as we stood on the sidewalk outside and hailed a cab. I started to get into the car with Howie, but he placed a hand on my shoulder as I was climbing in.

“No, Em, you should stay.” His big, brown eyes stared me down.

“Howie, I can’t let you be alone right now,” I insisted.

“He won’t be.” Kevin squeezed by me and landed on the car seat beside Howie. “I’ll take care of him,” he assured me. I glanced at Howie warily and he nodded in agreement.

“Call me soon as you land,” I ordered.

“I will.”

“Let me know something, okay?”

He stared ahead and nodded as he fought back tears. “I will.”

End Notes:

I realize that this chapter may end up being a little controversial, but I felt like I needed to stay true to the actual events of the night when I wrote about the 98 VMAs

Chapter 29 by emily_michele

 

 

Howie did end up making it to the hospital in North Carolina in time, but just barely. We performed our last show of the tour in Minneapolis without him, but he was on a plane to Argentina to meet back up with the guys just hours after her funeral. Meanwhile, we were on the way to New York to start our own tour promoting our album. We played small venues and did a few television appearances, and our self-titled debut album went gold in the first week after its release-- the same week that the Backstreet Boys’ album was certified diamond.

 

 

 

Before we started our month of non-stop insanity though, Amelia and I paid a visit to a women’s clinic in Minneapolis the morning before our concert, and we were incognito. Luckily, mid-September in Minneapolis was cool enough that our hoodies were pretty inconspicuous. It was the sunglasses on a rainy day that threatened to blow our cover. However, taking a bodyguard with us just wasn’t an option, and after all the exposure we’d gotten at the Video Music Awards, we felt like we couldn’t be too careful.

 

 

 

“What are we going to do if someone sees us here and blabs it to the tabloids?” Amelia asked me as she looked up from a two-year old copy of People magazine with fear in her eyes.

 

 

 

“Tell the truth.” Her eyes widened and she paled visibly. “About me,” I finished. “We tell them we were in a women’s health clinic because I was getting a prescription for birth control. You were just here for moral support. No big deal. They know I’m in a relationship.”

 

 

 

“You’d really do that for me?” she asked incredulously.

 

 

 

“Of course I would.” I wasn’t really sure I wanted the world knowing anything about my sex life, but I figured everyone would assume Joey and I were already doing it anyway. I knew Amelia’s reputation was already going to be tarnished eventually, but it would obviously be best if her pregnancy didn’t come out around the release date of our album. Amelia had her pregnancy confirmed with a blood test and an ultrasound showed that she was almost seven weeks along, putting her due date at April 30th, and I got that prescription for birth control pills.

 

 

 

After our promotional tour, we were scheduled to go back out on the road with N’Sync on the second leg of their North American tour. We were the only opening act, and we extended our set list to last almost an hour, so that it was sort of like we were co-headlining, though N’Sync remained the clear “stars of the show.” Needless to say, Joey and I were ecstatic. This leg of the tour was set to open up in Kissimmee at the beginning of November, and we were able to spend a lot of time in the few days beforehand just being where we now called “home.” Strangely enough, it was the first time that Joey and I got to spend time with each other at home instead of in a hotel room or on a bus, and we took full advantage of it.

 

 

 

It was the day before my 20th birthday, and Joey had already let me know that he had big plans for the next day, so after our respective rehearsals, we spent the rest of the afternoon and evening just vegging out in front of the TV in Joey, Lance, and JC’s living room. At some point in the middle of our third movie, Joey yawned and draped his arm over my shoulder comfortably. I picked a piece of popcorn out of the bowl sitting between us and popped it in my mouth, then moved the bowl into Joey’s lap so that I could scoot closer to him and nuzzle my head in the crook of his neck. He dropped a casual kiss on the top of my head.

 

 

 

“This is terrible,” I whispered.

 

 

 

Joey chuckled. “Yeah, I know. Sorry.” After enduring two chick flicks of my choice, this had been his choice, and it was a bad one. He reached for the remote on the arm of the couch. “You want to turn it off?” He tightened his grip on my shoulders and planted a hungry kiss on my lips.

 

 

 

“Um...okay,” I answered hesitantly. He pressed the power button, and the television’s luminescence faded from the room, leaving us in almost complete darkness. I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest, letting it rise and fall with his slow, steady breathing.

 

 

 

“I love you,” Joey whispered sweetly as he rested his chin on the top of my head.

 

 

 

I smiled and looked up into his brown eyes, glistening in the moonlight that streamed through the window. “I love you, too.” He smiled back and wrapped his arms securely around my body, then leaned down so that his lips met mine in a passionate kiss. I kissed back for a while, then pulled away and rested my head on his shoulder, savoring the moment. He moved one of his hands so that it rested on my thigh and bent down to kiss me again. I shifted around on the couch so that I was now facing him and he didn’t have to strain his neck to reach my lips, then draped my arms casually around his neck and moved myself into his lap.

 

 

 

Joey hooked his fingers into my back belt loops and continued his assault of kisses. He trailed his lips from my lips down my cheek and to my neck, where he settled on that sensitive spot in the dip of my collarbone that he’d discovered during our time together in Los Angeles a few weeks earlier. I stopped stroking his hair (which was thankfully brown again) and tensed when his lips landed there, but giggled as his goatee tickled my skin. His hands wandered around the waistband of my jeans and he gripped the bottom of my shirt and started easing it up. My hands fell on his wrists. “Joey stop.”

 

 

 

He froze and removed his lips from my neck. “I’m sorry, I.... I thought you said the other day that it would be...okay if we did it-- When the time is right,” he stammered. “Is the time not right?” The dejected look on his face was actually kind of comical.

 

 

 

I smirked and pointed to the front of my shirt. “Joey, it’s a button-up. You wouldn’t be able to get it over my head.” He grinned wickedly and pressed his face into mine with a force that knocked my back against the couch. I laughed as he climbed on top of me and left a trail of kisses from my lips down to the top button of my shirt. He looked back up at me and smiled as his hands shook with excitement and slowly unbuttoned my shirt, one button at a time.

 

 

 

Even though I’d been joking with him, the truth is that I was scared. While his hands were shaking with excitement, my entire body was shaking with nervousness as I raised up so that he could remove the shirt from my shoulders and arms. He gazed down at me lovingly and leaned over to whisper in my ear. “You okay?” he asked.

 

 

 

I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded. “Yeah,” I squeaked. He laid on top of me and continued to kiss me as I wrapped my arms around him and stroked his t-shirt clad back rhythmically. Joey’s breath became ragged and I could feel him pressing up against my abdomen through his jeans. He moved his body up and down against mine and moaned when I moved my hand in between our bodies and tugged at the button of his jeans. I raised up and pushed him off of me and his head hit the opposite arm of the couch with a soft thud.

 

 

 

“What? Is it my turn now?” He laughed then lowered his voice. “I sure hope it’s my turn now.” I smirked and climbed on his lap, being sure to avoid the bulge straining against his jeans. I leaned my head on his chest and listened to the erratic beating of his heart as I slipped my hands underneath his t-shirt and let them rest on his warm, damp skin. I closed my eyes and just breathed for a minute while Joey ran his fingers through my hair. He tousled the thick mass of waves at the back of my head and kissed my hair lightly, then wrapped his arms around my body tightly. I sighed and let myself get lost in his warm embrace. “I could stay like this forever,” Joey whispered. It was kind of corny, but I loved it.

 

 

 

“Me, too,” I breathed back to him.

 

 

 

“But I think that we should...” He trailed off and sat up, pushing me off of him.

 

 

 

“What are you doing?” He stood up and held a hand out to me.

 

 

 

“Let’s go upstairs?” He said it as a question, like he was asking for my approval. I nodded and put my hand in his.

 

 

 

He smiled, then practically dragged me up the stairs to his room, sometimes taking them two at a time. When we got there, he slammed the door shut and turned the lock. “Nobody’s supposed to be home for a while, but.....” He pushed me up against the door and devoured my mouth with his. “God, I love you,” he panted, as he reached up and cupped my breasts with both hands. I shivered as his fingers stroked and played with the lace on my bra, then gasped when one hand inched behind my back and he deftly unhooked my bra and removed it in one smooth movement. He smiled against my mouth and grasped my hips, walking backwards towards the bed and bringing me with him. Once he was sure I was following him, he broke away from me and pulled his shirt over his head.

 

 

 

He threw it at a laundry basket and ducked into his bathroom. I stood beside his bed and smiled when he came back into the bedroom with an armful of candles and a lighter. He placed them on flat surfaces throughout the room, then went around lighting them quickly. I didn’t notice the red rose petals scattered across Joey’s black bedspread until he lit the candle on his nightstand. “You planned this!” I exclaimed as he put the lighter down and stepped over to me.

 

He blushed slightly. “I was hopeful,” he admitted quietly.

 

I smiled and hugged him tightly, our bare chests pressing against each other. “I’ve been wearing nice underwear every day this week,” I whispered into his ear.

 

He laughed and squeezed my hips with his hands. “You’re awesome.” His hands slipped into the waistband of my pants and he squeezed my backside as his lips crashed back onto mine. I hesitantly moved my hands to my zipper but one of his big, warm hands almost immediately fell on top of it. “Let me do it,” he murmured against my lips. I pressed my hands against his chest as he unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, then pushed them down as his hands trailed over my hips lightly. I mimicked his actions and he eased me down against the bed. “Thank you,” he breathed as he hovered over me and hooked a finger into the side of my panties.

 

“For having sex with you?” I tensed as he removed the silky piece of fabric that had been keeping me from being completely exposed.

 

“No.” He chuckled lightly as he shimmied out of his boxers off and lay down beside me. “For letting me be the first.” He ran his hand up and down my naked body and I shuddered. “If I’m being completely honest with myself, I hope I’m also the only.”

 

I gasped at his admission, and tears pricked at my eyes. “Joey, I.....I love you. So much. Thank you for being so patient with me.”

 

“Totally worth it.” He rolled over and retrieved a condom from his nightstand, and I took it from him, rolling it on with violently shaking hands. He crawled between my legs and stroked my hair and face as he hovered over me. “You still okay?” I nodded. “It’s gonna hurt.” I pursed my lips and nodded again.

 

“I know.” He dipped his head down and kissed me softly, slipping a hand between my legs to make sure I was ready, then shuddered as he entered me.

 

It felt like my entire body screamed in pain as he shuddered again while he stayed still to let me adjust to his size before pushing in further. “God, you feel amazing,” he whispered against my ear. A single tear fell from my eye and landed on the pillow. He kissed my wet temple hard as he started to move slowly within me. “Listen, Em. I know I’m a grown man, but it’s been a while, and I’m probably not going to last long.” He jerked involuntarily and groaned, which emphasized his point. “I’ll make it up to you. I promise. It gets so much better,” he said breathlessly.

 

He was right. It didn’t last long, but he certainly did make it up to me for my birthday the next day. Three times. And yes, it definitely got better.

Chapter 30 by emily_michele

“They’re here! They’re here!” Chrissy came tearing through our dressing room doors clutching her cell phone and looking like a kid on Christmas morning.

“What is this? Some kind of strange ‘Poltergeist’ reference? Halloween was yesterday.” Mel turned away from the mirror where she was applying her lip gloss and looked at Christina with a raised eyebrow.

“Who’s here?” Cassie asked, her voice muffled by the shirt she was pulling over her head.

“Nick! Their cab just pulled up to the loading dock! Let’s go!” Chrissy grabbed Mel’s hand and yanked her into the hallway.

“Didn’t she say ‘they’? And I thought Nick told her he was going to be in Sweden until tomorrow.” I remarked as I slid on my black pants.

Amelia came out of the bathroom looking pale. “Are you still sick?” Cassie asked her.

“I’m fine now. Must have been something I ate,” she replied quickly, grabbing her costume off the clothes rack.

“Okay...” Cassie sighed. “I’m going to go watch Chrissy and Nick try not to touch each other when the teenyboppers at the N’Sync VIP event see him.”

Amelia laughed. “Take pictures!” she called after her as she walked out the door.

“You sure you’re okay?” I asked Amelia as she stepped into her dress and I stepped behind her to help zip it up. For the past several weeks, Kevin, Amelia, and I had managed to keep the pregnancy “our little secret.” I’d been covering for her, explaining away her mood swings as PMS and her morning sickness as bad Chinese and stomach bugs. She was prone to gastroenteritis as a child, so that fact had worked to my advantage when others in the group would question why she was so sick so often. Kevin called her about every other day to make sure she was getting enough rest and taking her prenatal vitamins.

“I’m fine,” she promised. “It’s actually not been so bad this week. I think maybe the worst is finally over.”

“Uh oh.” I stared down at the zipper in my hand in horror.

“Uh oh?”

“It’s stuck.”

“Well un-stick it!” she shrieked.

“I’m sorry Amy, but it won’t go any further,” I bit my lip and tugged harder on the zipper of the short, black strapless dress. The zipper wouldn’t budge past the small of her back, leaving the dress gaping open in the back and extremely loose around her chest, though skin-tight around her hips and waist.

“Maybe if I suck it in....”

I laughed. “I don’t think that’s going to happen. You don’t want to squish him do you?”

“Him?” Amelia turned with her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow.

“Just a hunch. Kevin Junior,” I said matter-of-factly. Though I was still heartbroken over this, and even a little jealous that Kevin and Amy would forever share something so precious, there was no use in dwelling on it. She would be having a baby in 6 months, and we were going to have to deal with it eventually. “I’m going to get Stuart.” I turned on my heel and marched down the hall. Our stylist had worked his magic with a needle and thread that night, and nobody else had to know that Emily’s dress wouldn’t zip earlier that evening due to her thickening waistline, but Stuart’s comments didn’t go unnoticed. They were ignored, but not unnoticed.

“Geez , as sick as you’ve been lately, I’d never imagine your dress would be too tight! Eating bon-bons to stop the nausea? You’re not late are you?” He’d only been kidding with the last question but would soon eat his own words.

We finally went to the green room to meet up with the rest of the girls and found Nick and Chrissy making out on the couch. The Backstreet Boys had been in Stockholm for about a month recording new material for their next album, and Chrissy and Nick had been moping around like lovesick teenagers. Actually, I guess that’s what they were. Apparently, he had decided to fly home a day early and surprise her, and now they appeared to be more or less dry-humping each other in front of us. “Geez guys, get a room!” I shielded my eyes dramatically, and neither of them even acknowledged my presence.

“We suggested that already,” a male voice teased from across the room.

My eyes widened in surprise. “Howie!” I cried cheerfully as I bounded across the carpet and threw my arms around his neck. “How are you?” I asked, turning serious for a moment. Howie and I had talked on the phone a lot since Caroline’s death but this was the first time we’d seen each other.

“I’m good.” He nodded reassuringly. “It’s great to see you! We’re really excited for the show.” He gestured behind him, where Kevin, Brian, and AJ were all sitting on a couch.

“Dude, you’re going to an N’Sync concert!” Mel doubled over in laughter.

“Yeah, we’ll probably slip out before it’s over. Can’t go ruining our reputation,” Brian deadpanned.

“I can’t believe all you guys are here!” Cassie exclaimed.

“Well, we finished up in Stockholm a day early and Nick said he was coming here. None of us had any plans until tomorrow, so we decided to come with him. He’s not the only one of us who was missing one of you,” Kevin chimed in as he glanced over at Nick and Chrissy, who still hadn’t come up for air.

“Well, I’m stoked, but...” I put my hands on my hips. “Where exactly do you guys think you’re going to watch from?”

Marcus stepped into the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. “These idiots are going to stand in the shadows with security and bow out as soon as you ladies are finished,” he declared. He turned around and walked out shaking his head and muttering.
“Stupid Backstreet Boys thinking they can show up at an N’Sync concert. I’m gonna be asking for a raise tomorrow.”

We all shared a collective laugh, and Nick and Christina finally pulled apart and looked around, confused. “What just happened here?” Nick asked.

“Oh, just keep kissing your wife.” AJ got up and walked over to where Amelia stood propping herself against the wall. “Cassie said you’ve been sick. You okay?” He placed his hand on her cheek and stared into her eyes thoughtfully. I glanced over to Kevin and his eyes flashed with......something. It wasn’t jealousy exactly.

“I’m good, Aje.” She nodded.

“Go out with us tonight after your set?” AJ pleaded with her.

“Okay. Sure.” Amelia ended up convincing us to slip out after we performed and all go out together. I tried to find Joey before we went on to invite him to catch up with us later, but nobody seemed to know where he was. I finally managed to track him down after we finished on stage and right before they were getting ready to go on.

“Joey?” I reached out for his shoulder as he was situating his earpiece and cordless microphone.

He jumped and whirled around. “Oh, hey babe. I watched you guys in the monitors while we warmed up. Great job tonight!”

“Thanks! I just wanted to let you know know we’re going to slip out and go hang with the guys. Call me later and you can catch up with us?”

“Guys? What guys?”

“Oh, Joey, I know you’ve heard by now that they’re here.”

“Huh?”

Chris slapped him on the back. “I figured when we couldn’t find him earlier, you two had sneaked off for a little somethin’ somethin’. That’s why he doesn’t know the Backstreet Boys are here.”

Joey’s eyes widened in surprise just as the stage manager started ushering him towards the stage. “The Backstreet Boys? Are here?” He was asking as he was led away. My boyfriend was so weird sometimes. I held my hand up to my ear in the shape of a telephone and mouthed “Call me.”


“Damn baby, are those getting bigger?” AJ was ogling Amelia’s breasts as he placed his hands on her hips and moved closer to her on the dance floor in the VIP section of the night club we’d gone to. Her eyes grew wide and she immediately wrapped her hands around his wrists and shoved him off of her. Her eyes filled with tears and her nose started to twitch as she grimaced and turned to walk away. She stopped at our table to get her purse.

“I’m going to bed,” she huffed as she hurried off.

“Man, what’s with her?” Brian commented as AJ sauntered over and grabbed his drink. Kevin looked down at his Jack and Coke praying his cousin would hold his tongue. “You know, Cass says she’s been like an entirely different person these past few weeks. Moody, tired, hungry, sick...” he rambled on.

Nick innocently chimed in. “She reminds me of my mom when she was pregnant with the twins.” AJ’s highball hit the floor and shattered as he jerked the sunglasses off his face.

“Wh...what did you say?” He stammered. In his head, he was recalling the past couple times they’d been together. Their couplings were few and far between and almost non-existent since Vegas, as they were never officially a “couple,” plus in the few times he’d approached her before they went to Sweden, she’d usually turned him down, saying she was too tired, had a headache, etc. He knew he’d used a condom every time, though.

“I’m sorry, AJ.” Nick held up his hands in defense. “I wasn’t implying she was pregnant. That would be ridiculous!”

“Shut up, Nick.” Kevin slammed his glass down on the table. I jumped from my seat at the table next to them and placed my hand on his shoulder hoping to quiet him, but he was already drunk and it was too late. “What if she is?” he snapped

“I think I need to sit down...” AJ eased himself onto the stool at the bar top and buried his face in his hands. “We were always careful! Shit!”

“Don’t worry about it AJ. It’s mine.” I squeezed Kevin’s shoulder hard, most definitely leaving a bruise, and kept him from falling to the floor when AJ’s fist connected with his jaw.

Chapter 31 by emily_michele



Howie and Brian rushed over to hold AJ back as Nick jumped up and grabbed Kevin. “What do you mean it’s yours?!” AJ screamed, struggling against the hands that held him.


“I mean it’s mine!”


“How? When?”


“Vegas.”


“Vegas?!”


“Yeah, Vegas. You know...when you dropped her for some stripper!”


AJ stopped struggling and sank back into his chair. He grabbed Brian’s drink since his was soaking the glass-covered floor, and tossed it back with one gulp. Of course, while AJ’s was just Mountain Dew (he was still 20 years old), Brian’s was alcoholic. “That was the only time?”


“It only takes once,” Kevin crossed his arms and stared him down.


“Get him out of here,” AJ rasped. “I can’t look at him right now.”


“Kevin, let’s go.” I touched his arm gingerly and he shrugged away.


“I don’t have to go anywhere!” he slurred indignantly. I looked to Howie for help.


“It’s probably a good idea, Kevin.” Howie walked over to him and gave him a little nudge towards the door. “You’re trashed.”


“No, I’m not!” Kevin insisted with a big stumble backwards.


Howie and I caught him and started leading him out. “We probably need to tell Amy what happened before anyone else does,” I told him. That was when he started singing.


“Having my baby.....What a lovely way of sayin’ how much you lo-ove me....”


I looked over at Howie and raised an eyebrow. “Is this really happening?”


“He sings when he’s drunk,” Howie replied matter-of-factly with a shrug as he pushed Kevin out into the night air. “Come on big guy. Let’s go.”


I glanced down at my watch. “Hmm. It’s 11:30 and Joey hasn’t called me...weird. I should probably let him know where I am.” I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and dialed his number. He finally answered right as it started to go to voice mail, sounding breathless. 


“Lo?”


“Joey? Hey, it’s me.”


“Emily?”


“Yeah. Who else would it be?”


“Oh, no one, babe.” He laughed. “What’s up?”


“I just wanted to let you know I’m not at the club anymore. There was a...a thing, and...”


“Actually, that’s fine. I’m not feeling too hot,” he interrupted me.


“Are you okay? Where are you?” He didn’t sound good.


“I’m in my room.”


“I’ll come check on you as soon as-”


“You don’t have to do that,” he insisted. “Have fun with your friends.”


“But I’m a good nurse...” I said suggestively.


“No, no. I don’t want you catching what I have. It was a rough concert,” he groaned.


“Okay, then. I’ll check on you tomorrow.”


“Thanks. Love ya.” He hung up before I got a chance to tell him I loved him too. I turned around to find Kevin sitting on the sidewalk with his back up against a brick wall, and still singing. Howie had his arms hooked under his armpits and was trying to hoist the man, who almost twice his size, back up to his feet.


“You sure we can handle him alone?” I asked doubtfully.


With one more big grunt from Howie, Kevin was back on his feet with his arm around Howie’s shoulder. “Hey, Sweet D,” Kevin said as he scrunched up his nose and grinned at him.


Howie ignored him. “In case you’ve forgotten, Kevin and I were the only two who could drink for a while. I’ve done this before.” He winked and started down the sidewalk. “Are we still going to Amelia? She at your place?”


“Actually, we have rooms at the hotel next to the venue,” I answered as I turned to hail a cab. “Tomorrow’s a press day, and all our interviews are going to happen there.” We managed to get Kevin to pour himself into the cab without much of a fight and told the driver where to go and to let us out at the service entrance. Howie threw a wad of cash at him and thanked him politely, and we struggled to get Kevin into the elevator.


I gasped as the door opened on our floor. Joey heard me immediately. He jerked his mouth from the lips of the short, busty brunette he had pinned against the wall outside his hotel room door, and stared at me in shock. I turned my attention back to Kevin, and helped Howie pull him out of the elevator. Howie’s jaw was clenched tightly and his eyes flashed at Joey in anger. I’m not sure Kevin even saw him. I pulled my key out of my purse and slapped it in Howie’s hand before turning back to Joey. The woman he’d been kissing had suddenly disappeared, but I heard the echo of a door slamming in the stairwell. “Em...” I vaguely remember hearing Howie’s voice in my ear and pointing him and Kevin in the direction my mine and Amelia’s room before I stomped over to Joey. I stuck my hand in his back pocket, pulled out his keycard, unlocked the door and pushed him inside before I said a single word.


“Em, calm down. We need to talk.” Joey held his hands out as if trying to protect himself.


“Not feeling so hot, huh?” I pushed hard against his chest as the heat rose in my face and tears threatened to spill out of my eyes.


“Em, it’s not what you think...” He tried to reason with me.


“Not what I think? You think you know what I think?”


“Em...”


“Shut it, Joey.” I held my hand up to silence him. “I think you lied to me and told me you were sick so you could come back to the hotel and cheat on me with some groupie!”


“She’s not a groupie!” he roared back at me, turning defensive.


 


“Well then who is she?” I crossed my arms across my chest and gave him an icy stare.


 


He clasped his hands behind his back and hung his head down, then started kicking at the carpet fibers with the toe of his shoe. “Kelly,” he answered quietly.


“Who’s Kelly?” I stepped closer to him and twisted my neck so that I was looking in his melancholy eyes.


“She was my high school sweetheart.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets and kept looking down.


“Okay.....what is she now?”


He looked up at me and pursed his lips. “I- I don’t know.”


“Well, don’t let me stand in your way.” I turned to leave, but his hand grabbed mine.


“Emily, wait!” I spun back around and glared at him.


“What?” I hissed through clenched teeth as I struggled to pull my hand from his.


His hand tightened around my fingers. “I never wanted to hurt you.” His eyes softened.


“Ha!” I scoffed, finally jerking my hand out of his grasp. I’d heard that one before-- from the singing drunk man who was probably groveling at Amelia’s feet at the moment. “I gave you my virginity!” I yelled at him. “Less than a week ago! What was all that crap you fed me about love and hoping you were the only guy I was ever with? Were you just trying to get me to sleep with you all this time? You were pretty damn persistent if that’s what it was!” The more I shouted, the madder I got. Without my even thinking about, my cell phone was sailing through the air, and he ducked his head so that it cracked against the wall and slid down to the floor with a thud.


 


I started towards him and he grabbed my wrists. “Emily, calm down! I meant every word! Kelly just showed up today. I thought I’d never see her again, and there she was standing in my dressing room door. I love you....I really do, but Kelly’s always been the--” He stopped and I pulled away from him with my mouth agape.


 


I took a few steps backwards. “The what, Joey? The one?”


 


He closed his eyes and took in a few deep breaths. “Yeah.”


 


“What were you doing with me all these months? Just leading me on?”


 


He sat down on the edge of the bed and hunched over with his elbows on his knees. “When we first met, she and I had just broken up, and you kind of reminded me of her.”


 


“What? Joey, that’s.....” I stared at him wide-eyed.


 


“Horrible, I know,” he finished for me. “But then I fell in love with you. Just you. Not a reminder of Kelly. I thought I was over her, until she showed up today.”


 


“Why didn’t you just come to me? Tell me the truth instead of sneaking around? And why couldn’t you wait until you’d broken it off with me to be all over her?” Tears finally spilled out of my eyes and rolled freely down my cheeks.


 


He looked down at the floor in shame and shook his head back and forth. “I just wasn’t thinking.”


What I really wanted to say was that he most certainly had been thinking, but that the thinking apparatus was much further south. Instead, I grabbed the injured cell phone and the overnight bag I’d stashed in Joey’s room before the concert, and walked out.

Chapter 32 by emily_michele

Howie threw the door open before I even finished knocking. “Is he still breathing?” he asked seriously.

“Yeah...”

“Oh. Then we’re not done yet.” He started rolling up sleeves as he squeezed past me and out into the hallway.

“Howie, don’t.” I grabbed his collar and pulled him back into the hotel room.
His shoulders slumped in defeat. “Fine.” A warm hand touched the side of my face. “You okay?”

 

I shrugged him off and turned to look into the hotel room. “It’s way too quiet in here. Did she kill him?” Avoidance was good.

 

“Almost.” He chuckled lightly. “He was literally on his knees begging for forgiveness, and....” I raised an eyebrow skeptically. That didn’t sound like the Kevin I knew at all. “Remember he’s drunk. Very drunk,” Howie reminded me.

“Okay. So he was on his knees begging for forgiveness, then...?”

“Then he noticed that she’s starting to show. He stood up on his knees and put his hands on her belly. I think they had a ‘moment’.”

For some reason, this prompted me to start crying again. “That’s adorable.” I sniffled and wiped a tear away with the back of my hand.

“Well, right after that he passed out.” I peered across the room to find Kevin laying spread-eagle on his back and snoring on top of my bedspread. Amelia was curled into a ball under the covers in the opposite bed. Howie squeezed my hand. “Let’s get out of here.” He nodded his head toward the door.

“But they’re--”

“Having a child together. Surely they can handle her morning sickness and his hangover in the morning. Come on.” He pulled the overnight bag off my shoulder and put it over his own, then grabbed my hand that was still clutching my cell phone. He examined the crack in the screen carefully. “Please tell me his head did this.”

I laughed. “No, but that was my target.”

“Good.”

Howie ended up taking me back to his condo, which was just a ten-minute drive away. He unlocked the door and held it open for me, pressing his free hand against the small of my back as I entered in front of him. He flipped the light on and tossed his keys and wallet on the kitchen counter. “The bed has fresh sheets on it, and you know where the towels are if you want to take a shower or something,” he said as he walked me down the hall towards his guest bedroom. “I’m sure you’re exhausted, and I’m not going to make you talk about it if you don’t want to, but is it safe to assume that you and Joey are over?”

I nodded and blinked back the tears that had started stinging my eyes again. “I’d say that’s a pretty good assumption.”

Howie nodded back. “Let me know if you need anything.” He brushed a tear away with the pad of his thumb, gave me a quick hug, then turned and started walking towards his bedroom, which was directly across the hall from the guest room.

“Her name’s Kelly,” I said to the back of his head.

He turned around and put his hand on the door frame, then dropped his head. “I know.”

“What? How do you know that?”

He looked up at me. “Joey and I went to high school together. I didn’t know him very well. I mean, I was a senior when he was a freshman, but we were all in choir together. They used to get caught almost every day making out in the closet where we kept our sheet music. I recognized her. They’re pretty good at that, I guess. The getting caught thing, I mean.”

I cocked my head to the side and studied him. “Why didn’t I know you two went to high school together?”

He shrugged. “It just never came up in conversation. Like I said, we didn’t know each other very well, and it was only for a year.”

“Hmm. That’s interesting. And they were together when they were freshmen?”

“Um...yeah, and I guess for a while after that, too?” He fidgeted nervously.

“They had just broken up when he asked me out the first time.”

“Wow. Really?”

“Yep. Apparently, I was the rebound guy.” I wiped more tears from my cheeks.

“The rebound guy?” He raised an eyebrow.

“You just don’t hear the term, ‘rebound girl’ all that often.”

“I guess not.” He laughed.

“I gave him my virginity.”

“Oh, yeah?” He blushed and stepped back and forth uncomfortably.

“And I was just the rebound girl! He says I was more than that, but how am I supposed to believe him after tonight? That was only a week ago. Why couldn’t this have happened before I did that with him? I can never get that back!” I buried my face in my hands and sobbed. He closed the gap between us and pulled me into a hug.

“I’m so sorry, Em,” he murmured against my ear. “I would never hurt you like that.”

“Of course you wouldn’t, Howie. You’re my best friend.”

He put his finger under my chin and lifted my head so that I was looking into his eyes. and gazed at me intently. “No. I mean..... I. Would never. Hurt you. Like. That.”

 

My mouth dropped open. I didn’t see that one coming at all. “Howie, I....”

 

“Shh. It’s okay. I’m not expecting anything from you right now.” His eyes never left mine as he put a hand on the side of my cheek and smiled. “I just wanted you to know.” He kissed me on the cheek and went back into his room, shutting the door behind him.

 

Ordinarily, something like that would have kept me up all night tossing and turning because I couldn’t turn off my thoughts, but after the night I’d had, the exhaustion took over, and I awoke to the sound of my cell phone ringing just a few short hours later. Yeah, the screen was cracked from its collision with the wall the night before, but it was still functional. Cell phones in the late nineties were built like tanks. It was Amelia, who had been awakened by her morning sickness, and realized I wasn’t there. I gave her the abbreviated version of what had happened with Joey and assured her I was fine (I really wasn’t) and that Howie would have me there in time for our interviews.

 

At 7 AM, Howie dropped me off at the conference room we were scheduled to meet in. “You let me know if you need anything, okay?” He pushed a piece of hair behind my ear as he spoke to me.

 

“I will, Howie.” I actually wasn’t sure if I would. He’d kind of spooked me the night before. Until a few hours ago, I was completely oblivious to the fact that Howie thought we might ever be more than friends.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to finish him off for you? He may be bigger than me, but I’m an angry Puerto Rican. I could probably take him.” I laughed as he imitated a boxing stance and threw a couple punches into the air.

 

“Thanks, but no thanks, Howie. It won’t solve anything, and I really just want to put all of that behind me.” At that moment, Joey ducked into the door we were standing by, and his right eye was nearly swollen shut.

 

Howie’s eyes widened in surprise. “Did you do that?”

 

“No! You didn’t put out a hit for him, did you?”

 

“As much as I’d like to take credit for that, no.”

 

“Oh well. Not my problem, anymore.” I shrugged and gave Howie a hug. “Thanks for everything. I’ll call you.”

 

“You better.” Howie smiled and waved as he walked away. As I pushed the door open, there was a little tap on my shoulder. I spun around to find Kevin and his swollen, purple jaw, compliments of AJ, staring down at me with concern.

 

“Hey,” he said. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

 

“Did Amelia tell you what happened?”

 

“Actually, no. I uh...had a little run in with Joey this morning.” He grinned sheepishly and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

 

“And?”

 

“I asked him where you were, and he started spouting off about how he figured I would know where you were and wondering if you were okay after what happened. Of course, I asked him what happened, and he didn’t have a choice but to tell me. I’m really sorry, Em.”

 

I grabbed both of his wrists and pulled his hands out of his pockets. He winced as I did so, and I noted that the knuckles on his right hand were red and swollen.

“Did your fist run into his face?!”

 

“So you’ve seen him already, then.”

“Yeah, Kevin. I have.” I glanced down at my watch. “Our first interview is supposed to start in ten minutes. I’ve got to go. Get some ice, okay?”
The rest of the day went as smoothly as could be expected. We did interviews with Entertainment Tonight, E!, and several teen magazines, some with N’Sync and some without. When Joey was asked about his eye, he only responded with “I deserved it,” which I appreciated, and when the two of us were asked about our relationship, I got to be the one to break the news that we were no longer together.

“Joey and I have actually decided that we’re better off as friends. The split was amicable, and there are no hard feelings.” I lied through my teeth, but I wanted to be the bigger person and handle it with some class. He mouthed a “Thank you” in my direction, but I chose not to respond to. I might have wanted to be the bigger person, but a girl has her limits.

Chapter 33 by emily_michele

I awoke on November 16th to the squeaking sound of our tour bus pumping its brakes and coming to a halt. I took a look out the window of my bunk and saw the Appalachian Mountains. Then, I burst into tears. Danny had died exactly one year ago, and we were playing Charleston, West Virginia, which was only three hours from home. Couldn’t it have been somewhere that didn’t feel so much like home? Los Angeles or New York City, maybe? Anywhere with flat land would do, actually. But no, I was ambushed with memories of hiking in the woods and skinny-dipping in a watering hole in the river that cut through the mountains. He was everywhere. Chrissy poked her head through the curtain. “Em, we’re here. We have a couple hours to get settled in before soundcheck. They have a brunch set up for us in the green room, and the guys are a little ways behind us if you wanted to grab something before Joey gets here.” I sighed and nodded as I crawled out of my bunk and into the aisle. For the past couple weeks, I’d been avoiding Joey like the plague. He had attempted to pull me aside and talk a couple of times, but I always shrugged him off. Today was not a good day to have to deal with him. After all we’d shared with each other, I hadn’t really talked to him about Danny at all. I’d had the “If you don’t talk about it, it didn’t happen” attitude, but today it all came crashing back on to me.

I ducked into the bathroom to wash my face and attempt to tame my hair, then followed the rest of the girls into the venue. I gasped when we entered the green room and Howie was lounging on the couch eating a cheese danish. “Howie? What are you doing here?”

He smiled and licked his fingers. “We had a few days off from recording, so I thought I’d pay you a little visit. Danish?” He held the half-eaten pastry out to me and a few sugary crumbs fell on to the carpet in front of my feet.

“Actually, I’m thinking eclairs today.” I turned to the table of food and grabbed a couple of the small, chocolate-covered, custard-filled confections and placed them on my plate. I added a slice of spinach quiche and some strawberries in attempt to balance out my plate. In reality, I was probably going to eat the eclairs and a couple strawberries, then go back for more fat and sugar. Howie jumped up and poured a cup of coffee, then stirred in some hazelnut creamer and one packet of artificial sweetener before handing it to me with a smile. I had no idea that he knew how I liked my coffee. “You’re going to have to stop showing up at N’Sync concerts, you know. It’s bad for your rep.”

He laughed and placed a hand on my back. “I just wanted to see you.” Howie and I hadn’t spoken since the morning he’d dropped me off at the hotel in Orlando. Actually, I was still reeling from all the events that had happened the night before that, including his confession that he’d never hurt me the way Joey had.

“Howie, I know you mean well, but it’s really not a good day.”

He nodded knowingly. “It’s November 16th. I’ve been dreading September 12th, 1999 since, well...September 13th.” That was the day Caroline died just two short months ago. “That’s why I’m here, Emily. It’s not the other thing.” He led me over to a table and watched me eat my breakfast. He remembered that it was the day I lost Danny. How in the world did he remember that? I’m not even sure that any of the other girls knew what day it was. Sure, they knew it was this time of year, and they’d been treading lightly around me for the past few days, but I’m pretty sure none of them really realized it was today. They’d lost an old friend in Danny, but I felt like I had lost a soul mate.

I stared across the table at Howie and nibbled on a strawberry thoughtfully. “Nothing tastes good,” I finally said.

He shoved an eclair in my mouth. “You need more chocolate.” I laughed and took a big bite. He was right. After I finished a brunch that left me wondering whether Stuart was going to need to get out that trusty needle and thread for me (he’d been using it about once a week for Amelia), Howie followed me outside towards the bus. It was unseasonably warm for mid-November in West Virginia, so we ended up sitting at a picnic table and basking in the sun instead of getting on the bus. That turned out to be a mistake. After a few minutes of silence, he reached his hand across the table and squeezed mine. “Seems too beautiful outside for a day like today, huh?”

“Yeah. That’s exactly what I was thinking, actually.” I’ll blame what happened next on the fact that I was a grieving crazy person. The N’Sync bus rolled up behind Howie, and Joey was the first one off. He gave me a nervous smile and stepped onto the pavement with Kelly trailing closely behind him. In a split-second decision, I reached across the table and grabbed Howie’s face with my hands, them pulled him into a fierce lip-lock. His hands went flailing in surprise for a moment before settling on my upper arms while he kissed me back. I opened one eye to peek at Joey as he passed by. He stopped at the picnic table, put his hands on his hips, and grunted before walking on towards the venue. I smiled a little against Howie’s mouth. That was pretty much the response I was looking for.

Howie pulled away with a gasp. “What was that all about?” Before I could answer, he looked past me at the group of people entering the back door of the exposition center. “Aha! Would this happen to have something to do with Joey walking by?” I bit my lip nervously. “Or is it more about the fact that Kelly’s attached to his hip?”

“I’m sorry Howie.” I looked down at the picnic table and traced the various initials that had been into the wood over the years with my fingers. “He keeps trying to talk to me and wanting to know if I’m doing okay. I know he feels guilty for what happened, and I guess I just don’t want him to think I’m all alone after he moved on so quickly. Of course, if he was a little jealous, that would be good, too.” It was easy to tell Howie exactly what I’d been thinking, because, well...he was Howie.

He sighed and moved over to my side of the table, then placed his hand on my knee and moved his face in close to mine. “Listen, I know I said that this isn’t why I showed up here today, but no matter what your motive was, you know I liked it. I’m not going to bother you about it any more today because it’s just not the right time, but I have to ask you a question. I’m not expecting an answer right now, but I do need you to be honest with me. Did you like it, too?”

Chapter 34 by emily_michele

Suddenly, I realized something. It was like the West Virginia mountains remembered for a moment that it was November, and it felt like a strong, cold wind literally slapped me in the face. I gasped and slid backwards on the bench away from Howie, causing him to knit his brows in confusion. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it sooner, but there it was right in front of my face. Howie reminded me of Danny. The way he walked, the way he talked, the way he remembered how I liked my coffee, and knew that I was going to need him that day-- it was all Danny. Now that I thought about it, he even kind of looked like him. The eyes and the mouth were remarkably similar. They even had some of the same facial expressions. He was about six inches shorter and Danny would have never been caught dead with a ponytail, but Howie could have easily been Danny’s Puerto-Rican cousin. I clamped my hand over my mouth as tears welled up in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks.

“Em?” Howie’s eyes searched mine for any indication of what was going through my mind. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’ll take it back. I--”

“You remind me of him,” I whispered.

“I remind you of.....who?” He put his hands on either side of my face and waited for my answer.

“It’s November 16th.”

His mouth formed an “O” of recognition. “Is it a bad thing that I remind you of him?” I broke down into sobs. He immediately threw his arms around me and held me tight. “Emily, look at me.” I buried my face in his shoulder. “Emily....” I couldn’t look at him. All I could think was that even if I did like kissing Howie, it would be like I was using Howie as a substitute for Danny. The parallel was uncanny. He was one of my best friends who happened to be a guy, and wanted to move into romantic territory. And much like with Danny.....I liked kissing him. “Emily.” He pulled away and put his hands on my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. “I would never want you to replace Danny with me.” I fought to find the right words, but they just didn’t come. “I would, however, like you to consider finding room in your heart for me too someday.”

Mel walked up to the table and put a hand on Howie’s shoulder. “Just a reminder that our soundcheck’s in twenty minutes.” She walked away as quickly as she came. His eyes followed her for moment until she entered the venue.

“Whatever happened there?” I asked him. Again, avoidance was good.

He sighed and played along. “I thought we were exclusive, and she didn’t. Kind of like Amelia and AJ, except the other way around. It’s not a big deal. We’d already agreed that it didn’t have to turn into anything.”

“So you’re not going to sneak into her bunk later?”

He laughed. “Well, I might, but it would just be to talk. She’s pretty fun to talk to.”

“You’re not trying to make me your rebound girl, are you?” I teased.

His face turned very serious and he placed his hands on my cheeks forcefully. “Absolutely not.”

I gulped and wet my lips. “I, um, better go, but I’ll meet up with you after soundcheck, okay?” I grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands off of my face. He nodded silently and I left him sitting alone at the picnic table.

Amelia was on her cell phone in the hallway. “It’s the craziest feeling. Like butterflies fluttering around in there.” She placed a hand on her lower abdomen. That wasn’t conspicuous at all. “Yeah...Stuart had to let it out again last night.” She paused and rolled her eyes. I could tell she was talking to Kevin. “I know, I know. I just feel like I’m going to ruin everything for everybody.” She turned to face the wall and started talking in a hushed voice.

As I neared the immediate backstage area, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I ran across Nick hiding behind a curtain. At least, I was pretty sure it was Nick. He was wearing ripped jeans and a plaid flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up, mirrored aviator sunglasses, and this ridiculous wig. It was long, brown, and curly, and a red bandana was was wrapped around the top of his head. I would reminisce about this moment years later when they filmed the “I Just Want You to Know” video. “Nick! What are you doing?”

He grinned and brought his index finger up to his lips. “Shhh.... I’m trying to be indesipicable.”

I stifled a laugh. “I’m sure ‘indespicable’ would be a pretty nice thing to be, but I think the word you’re looking for is inconspicuous.”

“Well, whatever. Do I look like a roadie?”

“You look like a psychopath.”

Amelia came up behind us. “Is that Nick?”

Nick put his finger back up to his lips and shushed her. “I’m a roadie.”

She put her hands on her hips and looked down, shaking her head. “Kevin wanted to know if you were doing okay today,” she said, turning her attention to me.

“Really?”

“Yeah. He actually had to remind me what today was. I’m sorry I forgot.” She put her head on my shoulder and gave me a quick hug.

“Well, tell him I said thanks and that I’m fine.”

“Maybe you should give him a call and tell him yourself.”

“I don’t think that would be a very good idea.” I was confused enough without bringing another man into the equation. I sauntered onto the stage and grabbed the microphone with the light blue tape wrapped around the bottom that had been dubbed mine, essentially letting Amy know that our conversation was over.

After soundcheck, Nick and Chrissy retreated to the bus, which left the rest of us hanging out in the green room to avoid their sexcapades. Howie and I settled onto a loveseat and talked to Mel, Amy, and Cassie. He never pressured me for an answer to his question, and in turn, I never gave him one.

Kevin and Amelia chose to call Johnny that night and tell him about the pregnancy. She was 16 weeks and definitely showing to all of us who knew she was pregnant. Before the N’Sync tour was over, it was going to be obvious to everyone, and she would be in need of at least modifying dance moves for the safety of her and the baby. Johnny was of course furious, but remarked that he was happy he only had to deal with one of them since he and the Backstreet Boys had decided to part ways before the next BSB album came out. We continued with the tour until just before Christmas. Since Amy was curvy to begin with, it was relatively easy to hide her growing baby bump with loose fitting clothing up until that point, but soon it would be very obvious to everyone that she was pregnant. In a way, I was a little relieved when Johnny announced that we wouldn’t be continuing with the next leg of the tour. I had been avoiding Joey like the plague, and I was glad to get a break from him, and from touring. We had been touring practically non-stop for over a year.

Chapter 35 by emily_michele


“Hey Amy, do you want a window seat or an aisle seat?” Mel and I were sitting in front of the computer the condo the four of us were sharing in Orlando (Chrissy had moved to Tampa with Nick) buying our plane tickets to fly home for Christmas.

“Neither, actually. I’m not going.”

“You’re not going home for Christmas? Why?” I spun around to find her standing behind us with her hands on her lower back.

She placed a hand on her growing belly. “Well, I have a doctor’s appointment on the 27th, so I’d only be there for couple days, and besides, my parents, well.... they really aren’t happy about the baby. I don’t think they even want me to come. Mom says I’m a terrible influence on Andrea.” Her little sister, Andrea, was 16 at the time. “She’s probably right.” Amy sighed and plopped down on the couch behind us.

“At least you didn’t get married in Vegas at 19. Chrissy’s parents are coming to Tampa for Christmas. Surely your parents will come around.” Cassie was trying to be helpful, but Amy wasn’t hearing it.

“Yeah, well, Nick owns a beach house on Tampa Bay. At least they’re getting a little vacation out of it. And Chrissy isn’t having a baby out of wedlock. Plus , their whole marriage is still a big secret. We know, and their parents know, but to the rest of the world, they’re still young, beautiful, and single pop stars.”

We begged and pleaded with her to come back to Kentucky with us for Christmas and tried our best to reassure her that her parents would want to see her, but in the end, we relented and left her in Florida. She drove to Tampa on Christmas Day and spent Christmas with Nick, Chrissy, and Chrissy’s parents, who were kind of like second parents to her anyway. After a couple days in Kentucky, I was worried about leaving my pregnant best friend alone for too long, so I went back to Orlando early, planning to go to her doctor’s appointment with her the next day. She was 21 weeks along, and would be having her big gender ultrasound. I planned to tell her I needed to know if I was right about “Kevin Junior.”

I never expected to walk into our condo and find Kristin Willits in my kitchen. “Um....
hi.” I eyed her cautiously as I hung my jacket on the coat rack by the door and dropped my keys into the “catch-all” bowl on the kitchen counter.

“Hi!” She smiled brightly and held her hand out to me. “I don’t think we’ve ever been formally introduced. I’m Kevin’s girlfriend, Kristin.” I shook her hand and stared at her, still trying to figure out why she was in my house. “Kevin’s in Amelia’s room getting her settled into bed,” she said casually. “You’re, Emily, right?”

I glanced over at the digital clock on the microwave. 7:30. “Why is Amelia going to bed at 7:30? Any why are you and Kevin here? Is everything okay?” I panicked as I began to put the pieces together.

Kristin frowned. “You mean she didn’t call you?”

“No....”

“She called Kevin this morning freaking out because she was having some cramping and bleeding. We were at his mom’s in Kentucky, but he got a flight down here as fast as he could.” I gasped and slammed my hand over my rapidly pounding heart. “Everything’s fine.” Kristin placed a reassuring hand on my arm and smiled. “She just overdid it scrubbing the bathroom floor. Probably nesting.” She laughed, and in the back of my mind I was kind of hoping that it would be one of those shrill laughs that grated on my nerves, but it wasn’t. Instead it was warm and friendly. “The doctor wants her to take it easy for a few days, but she and the baby look great. It’s a boy, by the way.”
“I told her I’d be happy to help her nest as soon as I go back into town. She’s stubborn, that Amelia.”

Kristin laughed at my remark. “Poor kid doesn’t have a chance then. Kevin’s like an old mule sometimes.” I smiled and turned towards Amelia’s room, realizing that I liked her. I really liked her. Crap.

I tapped lightly on Amelia’s bedroom door, which wasn’t shut all the way, and let myself in. Kevin was fluffing her pillows and smoothing out her comforter. He grabbed a glass of water off her nightstand and held it out to her. “Drink this,” he instructed. “Dr. Adler said dehydration can cause contractions.”

She rolled her eyes and took the glass, then took a sip. “What are you doing here?” she asked after she swallowed.

“I was going to go with you to your doctor’s appointment tomorrow.” I sat down on the edge of her bed and put my hand on her covered knee. “Why didn’t you call me today?

“Kevin was going to be here for the ultrasound tomorrow anyway, and I thought he would want to know what was going on, just in case....” She trailed off and let out a sob.

I patted her knee as Kevin bent down to kiss the top of her head. “He’s fine, Amy.” He ran his hand through her hair and wiped away a tear from her cheek before turning to me with a big grin. “It’s a boy.”

I smiled back. “I know. Kristin told me.”

“I’m so sorry we had to bring Kristin into this, Kev.” Amelia lamented.

Kevin put his hands on his hips and shrugged. “I’m not. If I’m going to be part of her life, then you and this baby are, too.” He had a point there.

“Still...I’m sorry I cut your Christmas vacation even shorter than I was already going to.”

“Amy, it’s fine. I wouldn’t miss the ultrasound for the world.” He sat on the bed beside her and his hand brushed up against mine. “Kris and I were going to stay here with you tonight and I was going to take you to your appointment in the morning.” He turned to me. “The doctor wants to see her in the morning anyway just to make sure everything still seems okay.” It was like he was reading my mind. I had been wondering why they were seeing the doctor in the morning if they’d already seen her today. “ Since Emily’s here, is it okay if we go back to my place, and I’ll pick you up tomorrow at eight?”

Amelia nodded. “Please do.”

I nodded in agreement. “We’re good here. It’s early enough that you might even be able to go to dinner or something.”

Kevin got up and gave Amy a quick kiss on the cheek. I nearly melted because of how sweet he was being with her. As he walked by me in the doorway, I placed a hand on his bicep to stop him. “I like her, Kevin. I really do.” I have no idea what had come over me.

He pursed his lips then gave me a crooked smile. “I like her, too.”

Amelia’s eyelids were getting heavy, so I decided to follow Kevin out. When we got back into the kitchen, Kristin turned from where she was standing at the sink washing dishes, wrapped her arms protectively around his waist, rested her chin on his shoulder and smiled. Man, she was tall-- and gorgeous. I was a little intimidated just looking at her. “I think we’ll head out,” Kevin told me.

Kristin’s arms dropped from his waist as she twirled around to face the sink again. “Give me just a minute to finish these, Kev.” She pushed her hands back down into the sink. Two thoughts came to mind. The first was that even up to her elbows in dirty dish water, she looked graceful. The second was that I loathed doing dishes and I so badly wanted to just stand there and let her finish them. Instead, I insisted that she and Kevin go on their way. Just as I was drying my hands, the doorbell rang. I sauntered over to the door and glanced through the peephole. Howie stood there with his arms full of Tupperware containers. I hadn’t told anyone except for my family that I was coming back to Florida early, and it was starting to feel like he had some sort of sixth sense when it came to me. Honestly, the thought both excited and scared the crap out of me.

Chapter 36 by emily_michele


Howie’s eyes widened in surprise as I swung the door open. “What are you doing here?” Apparently, I was wrong about that sixth sense thing.

“I was going to ask you the same question.”

“Nick said Amelia was here by herself, and my mom sent me home with all this food. It’s great food, but there’s no way I can eat any more of it.” He groaned and a container fell from the top of his stack. I dove for it, but it was too late. The lid flew off and a big hunk of pumpkin pie landed on the floor with a splat. “Aw man, that was some good pie, too.” I couldn’t help but giggle.

“I’m sure we won’t miss it,” I said, gesturing to all the assortment of food containers he still held in his arms. “Come on in. I’ll go get something to clean that up with.”

A few minutes later, after we’d cleaned up the mess in the hallway and I’d filled him on what was going on with Amelia and the baby and my reason for being back in town, I started rummaging through a plethora of plastic containers of various shapes and sizes on top of my kitchen counter. “Ooh! Sweet potato casserole!” I grabbed a spoon and shoveled some out onto a plate. “You want some?”

Howie moaned and placed a hand over his stomach. “Like I said before, it’s great food, but I can’t possibly eat any more of it for at least a few days. My mom’s personal goal is to “fatten me up” every time I come home.”

“Suit yourself.” I continued peeking into the containers. “Mmm...green bean casserole.”

“I’m sensing a theme, here.” Howie chuckled.

“I like casseroles, okay? I plan on diving into that custard next.”

“Ahh...the tembleque. I’m surprised we had any of that left.”

“What’s tembleque? Do I sound foolish trying to pronounce that in my southern twang?”

He laughed. “It’s a Puerto Rican Christmas dessert, and nobody sounds more foolish trying to speak Spanish in southern twang than my dad. Remember he’s from Georgia.”

“Oh yeah.” I spooned out a bit of the tembleque and took a bite. “Wow, that’s good!”

“Like I said, I’m surprised we had any left. I’ll make some for you some time.”

I don’t know why that struck me as too personal, but it did. My spoon stopped in mid-air and I clamped my mouth shut as I nodded slowly. “Mmhmm.”

Howie immediately sensed my apprehension and stood up from the kitchen table. “Listen, Em. This doesn’t have to be awkward.”

“What doesn’t have to be awkward?” I asked, like I didn’t know what he was talking about.

“You. Me. Us.” He kept his distance by standing on the other side of the counter. “I have to be completely honest with you. You’re my best friend. Somewhere along the way I fell in love with you. I’m sorry about what happened with Kevin, and I’m sorry about what happened with Joey. I’m sorry that I took advantage of that night to tell you how I felt, but I’m definitely not sorry for doing it. I know you’ve been hurt, and I know you’re afraid of being in another relationship. I’m sure you’re scared of getting involved with me romantically because you don’t want to lose me as a friend, and I know the fact that I remind you of Danny is painful. I get it. I asked you a question in Charleston, and you never answered. I’m pretty that in itself was my answer. It’s okay. No hard feelings.”

“Howie.....” He stared at me intently. “The truth is that I’d never really thought about you in that way.” Here he was saying all these wonderful things, and there I was telling him that I’d never thought about him as anything more than a friend.

He nodded silently. “I need to get going. Tell Amelia I’m sorry I missed her and that I’m glad everything is okay with the baby. I hope she gets some good rest.” He didn’t even say goodbye as he let himself out.

I stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds before running out the door. “Howie!” I yelled down the hallway. He turned around and knit his eyebrows in confusion. “Emily, it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.”

I gulped as I closed the gap in between us and took in a deep breath. “Yes.”

“Yes?”

“You asked me a question in Charleston, and I never gave you an answer. You wanted to know if I liked kissing you. My answer……is yes.”

Chapter 37 by emily_michele



Howie stared at me with his mouth hanging open. My heart felt like it was literally going to pound through my rib cage. “Yes? Really?” He was shell-shocked.


“Yeah. Really.”


He licked his lips and placed his hands on my hips. “What if we did it again?” His face was nearly touching mine and my eyes looked directly into his as my breath hitched in my throat.


“It would scare me.” I paused and grasped his hands in mine, giving them a squeeze. “But maybe it’s a good kind of scared.”


He smiled. Then he kissed me. It was short. It was sweet. It left me wanting more. I’d kissed him before, but this time it meant something. “We’ll take it slow, okay?” One of his hands stroked my cheek and I shivered in the warm breeze. “Go on a date with me.”


Suddenly, I wanted to turn and run in the other direction. I had no idea if I was making the right decision, but Howie was just so perfect. How could I turn him down after all the things he’d just said to me in the kitchen? “Okay.”


“We’ll go to lunch. I’ll pick you up at noon?”


“Yeah. See you then.”


He kissed me softly on the cheek and gave me a warm smile. “See you then.”


I tossed and turned all night long, barely sleeping any more than a few minutes at a time. When the doorbell rang at 7:45, I was already out of bed, had showered, and was working on my makeup. I could hear the shower running in Amelia’s bathroom, so I jogged to the door to let Kevin in. I’d contemplated telling him about Howie, but Kristin walked into the condo in front of him, quickly slamming the brakes on that idea. “Oh, uh...hi Kristin.”


“Hey, Em!” I raised an eyebrow. Em? Really? I liked her, but I didn’t like her enough to be on abbreviated names yet.


“Are you going to the doctor with Kevin and Amelia?” It was a little weird to me that she was there, especially since she and Kevin had only been back together for a couple of months. Was she really this gung-ho about him having a baby with another woman?


“Actually, no. It’s still a little weird for me.” Kevin caught my eye and nodded. Her honesty made me like her even more. “There’s a mall next to the doctor’s office and Kevin’s going to drop me off there, then bring Amelia over after their appointment to buy some more maternity clothes. Are you coming with us?”


“Actually, no. I have um...plans.” I turned to Kevin. “Tell me you’re taking a bodyguard if you think you’re going into a mall during Christmas break when all the teenage girls are going to be out and about.”


“Absolutely,” he answered.


“You’re not finished with your makeup, are you?” Kristin interrupted.


“What? No...”


“Oh, good.” She placed her hand over her chest and breathed a sigh of relief. “So, do you know you only have one eye done?”


I laughed. “Yes, I know.”


“I’m sorry if that seemed a little forward, but I just couldn’t let another woman go out in public like that, you know? Actually, that would make a killer picture. ‘The Power of Makeup’.” She held up air quotes. “You have really great eyes. I love how that subtle purple plays up the browns and greens. Kevin, honey, is my camera in the car?” I blushed and turned to Kevin with my eyes wide in bewilderment.


“She’s into photography,” he declared. “And she’s right about the eyes.” I could feel myself turning even redder. “No, Kris, I think it’s back at my house on the dresser.”


 


“Too bad.” I shook my head and chuckled, taking the opportunity to duck back into my bathroom to make up my other eye before going to see if Amelia was ready to go.


 


After the three of them had gone on their way, I made myself a cup of tea and went out on the balcony. December in Florida was hit or miss temperature-wise. Today, there was a balmy breeze, and though it was only 8:00, it was probably already 75 degrees outside. I sighed and watched the palm trees planted by the sidewalk sway. I loved this weather, but my Christmas back home had been unseasonably warm, and it had been over a year since I’d seen snow. It just didn’t feel like the holiday season at all. I thought about my family, who always had a huge New Year’s Eve party. I’d never missed one, but couldn’t justify spending money on another round-trip plane ticket to go home for another couple days. We were going to New York on January 2nd to debut the video for our second single on TRL, and after touring for so long, I knew that staying put for a few days would be best for me. It didn’t change the fact that I was homesick, though.


I must have fallen asleep on the chaise lounge, because the next thing I remember is hearing the condo phone ringing and faint knocking on the door. The knocking got exponentially louder when I jumped up and opened the patio door to go inside. “Crap!” I whispered to myself as I whizzed by the clock on the wall. It was 12:04. Howie was at the door, and knocking hard.


 


When I flung the door open, Howie’s shoulders slumped sadly. “Oh. You’ve changed your mind.”


 


“What? Why would you say that?”


 


“Your, um....clothes.” He pointed at my outfit and I looked down. I was still in my pajamas. Had this been any man other than Howie, I would have been so embarrassed, but Howie had already seen me at my worst, and at least I had makeup on.


 


“Oh. No, Howie. That’s not it at all. I just fell asleep.”


 


“Before noon?”


 


“I didn’t sleep very well last night.”


 


“Hmmm...” I knew that he was contemplating that whole “not sleeping well” scenario. His reputation for being able to sleep anytime, anywhere was totally spot on. If I wasn’t so sure that he was going to be swept up into heaven, I could imagine that the man would sleep through the Apocalypse. I had this funny mental image of him waking up on a bed of clouds in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter standing over him, looking confused.


 


“Well, I called you..... nine times!” Howie held up his cell phone.


 


I picked my phone up off the kitchen counter and looked at the screen. Yep. Nine missed calls. “Sorry. I was out on the balcony.” I grinned sheepishly.


 


He rolled his eyes. “You should keep your cell phone with you. That’s what it’s for.”


 


“I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to be out there but for a few minutes. Let me go get dressed.”


 


Half an hour later, we were settled into a corner booth near the back of a local Mexican restaurant. “This is the strangest first date I’ve ever been on,” Howie remarked.


 


I raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really? How’s that?”


 


“Well...” Howie reached across the table and pulled one of my hands into his. “For starters, there’s none of that awkward getting to know you stuff. I feel like I already know everything about you.”


 


“You don’t know everything.


 


“Okay. Try me.”


 


“What’s my favorite color?”


 


“Turquoise.”


 


“Favorite movie?”


 


“Grease. No, Dirty Dancing. It’s a toss-up between the two.” He grinned. “Am I right?” I nodded. He was good. “Now quit giving me easy ones.”


 


“Hmm..... favorite childhood memory?”


 


“Opening presents at your grandfather’s house on Christmas Eve. He used to sit by the tree and give out the presents surrounded by your entire family--17 aunts and uncles and 16 cousins-- all piled into one living room.”


 


I smiled wistfully and felt a little pang in my heart. “You’re absolutely right. We don’t even do that anymore since he died a few years ago. I’m the baby of the family, so a lot of my cousins have families of their own. We always have our New Year’s Eve party, though.”


 


“Are you going?”


 


I sighed. “I’d like to, but....it’s just too much traveling while we’re supposed to be on a break. Besides, I don’t really have the money for a plane ticket.”


 


He squeezed my hand. “I could pay for your plane ticket if you want to go...”


 


“That’s really sweet, Howie, but I can’t let you do that.”


 


“Well, then you should come to the concert. I’ll get you backstage passes and front row seats. Bring Amelia. I’m sure Christina will be there, too. It’ll be fun.” He smiled excitedly. They were doing a big show in Orlando for New Year’s Eve, which was going to be taped and sold to the masses.


 


“Well, I never have really experienced a Backstreet Boys concert as just a fan.....”


 


He frowned a little. “I kind of thought you were going to say you’d never experienced a concert as a Backstreet girlfriend.” My breath hitched in my throat. “You’re so much more than just a fan, Em.”


 


I gulped back the lump in my throat. A Backstreet girlfriend? Was that what I was? Already? “Howie, I...... I just need a little time to get used to it, I guess.”


 


He smiled. “Take all the time you need, okay? I’m not going anywhere.” We finished lunch, played putt-putt golf (he had arranged it so that we could play while the course was closed so we didn’t get bombarded by fans and paparazzi), then we watched a late matinee in the back row of a dark theater. Howie even did the whole “pretend I’m yawning and drape my arm across her shoulders” thing. It was adorable. When the movie was over, he asked if I wanted dinner. He took me to this questionable little food stand in the park across the street from my condo for hot dogs. They were delicious. After a little stroll in the park, he dropped me off at my door.


 


“I had a really good time today, Howie,” I said honestly as I turned the key and opened the door. “Aren’t you going to come in?”


 


He laughed. “How about we keep it at least a little bit like a first date, okay?”


 


“Okay,” I nodded with a smile as Howie leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. Then he enveloped me in a hug and placed a slow, luxurious kiss on my lips before pulling away with a big, goofy grin on his face.


 


“I’ll call you later. I love you.”


 


“I love you too.” It felt so natural that I didn’t even consider the implications until he walked away and I closed the door behind me. So much for taking it slow.


 

Chapter 38 by emily_michele

 

 

I didn’t have long to consider the implications because once I closed the door and leaned my back against it, Amelia came marching into the entryway with her hands on her hips. “Where have you been?” she interrogated.

 

“Um...out?”

 

“With who?”

 

I bit my lip nervously. This was Amelia. Of course, I could tell her about Howie. “Howie.”

 

Amy narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously. “You were out all day with Howie and came home with smeared lipstick?”

 

My hand instinctively went to my lips, and I couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah.”

 

“Really?!”

 

“Yeah.” I shrugged out of my jacket and sauntered over to the kitchen with Amelia hot on my heels.

 

“You and Howie?”

 

I poured two glasses of orange juice and handed her one. “Yeah.”

 

“Why didn’t I know about this before?”

 

“It just kind of....happened.”

 

“You and Howie.”

 

“YES.”

 

“Hmm...” Amelia sat down at the kitchen table and took a sip of her orange juice. “Does Kevin know?”

 

I sighed and set my glass on the table, studying its contents. “Why does it matter?”

 

She shrugged. “I just imagined you two would end up together eventually.”

 

“He’s with Kristin.”

 

“And you’re with Howie.”

 

“Exactly.”

_________________________________________________________________________

Amelia, Chrissy, and I sat together in the second row for the Backstreet Boys’ New Year’s Eve show in Orlando. It was the show they’d done on tour for months, so they were pros at it by now, and it was just awesome. Howie made a point to cast most of his smiles, winks, and waves in my direction, and I allowed myself to revel in the experience of watching the concert from a “Backstreet girlfriend’s” perspective. Of course, I got one of his roses when he sang his “My Heart Stays With You” solo, and I gave him my best scream when his shirt came off. However, I also caught myself fanning my face when Kevin shot a smoldering glance in my direction while he sang “Nobody But You.” When they slowed things down and sat on five stools to sing “I’ll Never Break Your Heart,” Howie’s eyes caught mine, and it was then that I realized he was singing to me. My breath caught in my throat and I smiled. Every single word was to me.

 

After the show, Kevin grabbed me by the elbow and lead me down the hallway and into an unused dressing room. “I need to talk to you about something,” he said as he pushed the door closed.

 

“Okay...what’s up?” I hoped this wouldn’t last long, because I knew Howie would be looking for me after he showered. Though, knowing Howie, he could be a while,

 

He ran his fingers through his hair and stared into my eyes. “There’s a ring.”

 

“Oh?” Undoubtedly, he was talking about an engagement ring for Kristin.

 

“Yeah. I had the jeweler wrap it in shiny green paper with this ridiculous glittery red ribbon, and I planned to give it to her on Christmas.” Planned? He said planned. It was nearing midnight on New Year’s Eve and he still hadn’t given it to her? Why? “I decided that giving it to her as a Christmas present was too cliche` and unromantic, so I was going to give it to her the day after. Then, Amelia called and we rushed back to Orlando, and I wanted to just forget about it for a couple days, but there’s damn red glitter everywhere and I have to think about it. We were in bed last night, and there was red glitter on her nose.” I couldn’t help but stifle a giggle. “So anyway, I was thinking about doing it tonight. I mean, after tonight, the Christmas season is going to be over and I’m going to have to take the red and green wrapping off of it. Then, she’s never going to know where all the red glitter was coming from.” He was rambling, and I had to wonder why he was telling me all of this. Was I one of the guys now?

 

“Kevin, why are you telling me all of this?”

 

He sighed and took a deep breath, placing his hands on his hips. “Kris and I love each other. We’ve basically been together for six years. She wants a ring, and she’s ready to be the wife of a Backstreet Boy. She’s even kind of excited about the baby. There isn’t any good reason why I shouldn’t propose to her, unless...” He took his hands off his hips and rested them on my upper arms, then stepped closer to me. My heart started pounding. “Unless you want to give me one.”

 

Oh wow. I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t breathe. This was like a dream come true. If Kevin had said that to me a year ago, there was no doubt that I would be jumping into his arms and covering him with kisses. Instead, I thought of Howie. I thought of how he’d held me so tightly that night I found about Danny. He showed up on the anniversary of Danny’s death knowing how I liked my coffee and shoving eclairs in my mouth. He took care of me the night Joey cheated on me. He reminded me of Danny. I thought back to that night in the hotel room in England after I’d gotten back from Danny’s funeral. I was so heartbroken, and Kevin had assured me that while I thought Danny was “the one,” he was probably part of God’s way of leading me to the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Then, I’d thrown myself at him, and he’d turned me down. But Howie, Howie had always been there. Maybe he was exactly what I’d been looking for all along.

 

“Kevin....” I stiffened and shrugged out of his grip. “I--I think you should give her the ring.”

 

Chapter 39 by emily_michele

 

Kevin’s eyes widened in surprise and he pulled his hands away from me as if he’d suddenly realized he was grasping hot coals. “What?! I mean, uh....I ….are you sure?” he stammered.

 

I sighed and nodded. “Yes, Kevin, I’m sure.”

 

He stepped in close to me so that you bodies were nearly touching and placed a hand on my cheek. “Can I ask why? I mean, I thought you were-”

 

I pulled his hand away from my cheek and took a step back . “”I was, but....”

 

“Was?” he asked, looking dejected.

 

“Howie hasn’t talked to you, has he?” I asked.

 

He furrowed his brows in confusion. “Howie hasn’t talked to me about what.?”

 

I licked my lips and gulped in an attempt to wet my suddenly sandpaper-dry mouth. “About us. Howie and I. We’re.....we’re together, Kevin.”

 

His mouth fell open in disbelief. “Oh, wow. I....I didn’t know. How long?”

 

“It just happened earlier this week, so not long, but I....I feel like he at least deserves a chance. I mean, he’s always been so good to me.” He nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets, then without another word, left the room. I gave him a couple minutes, then followed suit.

 

“There you are!” Howie, fresh from his shower, met me in the hallway and leaned in for a kiss. He smelled amazing. I couldn’t tell if it was his cologne or some fancy hair product I would probably be stealing later, but I love breathing him in. “I needed my New Year’s kiss,” he said with a wink. I smiled and snaked my arms around his neck, pulling him in for another one. “I’m wired from the concert,” he told me. “I thought you might want to come back to my place and watch a movie or something. I mean, if you’re not too tired....”

 

I caught a glimpse of Kevin and Kristin leaving hand in hand and turned my head towards him. “Actually, that sounds great.”

 

When Howie pulled his Mercedes into his driveway and turned off the engine, he turned to me and sighed. “I need to talk to you about something.”

 

“Um...okay?”

 

He ran a hand through his still damp locks and unbuckled his seat belt. Then, he turned so that his elbow was resting on the console. “About the other night.... It just kind of slipped out. I don’t want you to feel like I pressured you to say “I love you” too soon. I know I said we’d take it slow, but the truth is, Em....I do love you. I’ve loved you since the moment I met you. Sure, it started out as a friendly type of love, but it’s like one morning I woke up and realized what had been right in front of me all along. You’re everything I’ve ever dreamed of. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” My heart started beating erratically and my eyes grew rounder and bigger. Was he proposing? “I’m not proposing,” he said quickly. How did he do that? “But I’m saying that I intend to at some point in the future. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”

 

“Howie, I....”

 

“Ssh.” His index finger landed on my lips. “I know you’re scared. You don’t have to say anything. Like I said, I don’t want to pressure you. I just... wanted you to know.”

 

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. This man seemed to know me like nobody else ever had. I couldn’t help but think of Danny. “I said it back, you know.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“I said it back. It was one of those things that just seemed to natural, that like you said, it just slipped out.”

 

He cocked his head to the side and squinted a little. “Go on.”

 

I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, not really believing that I was about to do this. “I love you, too, Howie. How could I not?”

 

His eyes lit up and his face broke into a huge smile. “I was hoping you’d say it again. For four days, I’ve been agonizing over whether you really meant it, hoping and praying you’d say it again.” He closed the distance between us and cupped my face in his hands. “I love you,” he breathed as his lips grazed mine. He deepened the kiss and pushed his tongue against mine. Have I mentioned that he’s an amazing kisser? I couldn’t help but moan involuntarily against his lips as he trailed his fingers down my neck and to my back, then pulled me closer. I found myself climbing across the console and into his lap. I straddled his thighs and he wrapped his arms around my waist. After several minutes, he pulled away, breathless. “You think maybe we should to inside?” I bit my bottom lip and nodded.

 

When we were safely inside, he closed the door and placed one of his feet in between mine so that our hips were pressed up against each other. I could very obviously feel his arousal as his lips crashed back onto mine and his hands landed on my hips. “So about the taking it slow thing...” he muttered as his lips found my neck.

 

I gasped as I felt one of his hands inching up the front of my shirt. “I, uh....I think that’s already been thrown out the window, don’t you?”

 

I could feel his lips curling up into a grin. “That’s what I was hoping you’d say,” he panted as he pushed me towards the bedroom.

 

Chapter 40 by emily_michele
Author's Notes:

What?? I'm updating this story?!  Thanks to the Summer Reading Challenge, someone is reading this story again, and I'm feeling inspired again. so maybe I'll finish it eventually, after all!

The next day, the four of us (sans Amelia, who management said was just looking too pregnant) boarded a plane to New York City to promote our next single. We’d recently filmed a music video that involved a lot of headshots and objects strategically placed over Amelia’s growing abdomen. It was a ballad, so that was easy to do. The plan was to release a couple of singles while Amelia finished her pregnancy and hope that they did well on radio and TRL without out making a lot of appearances. Then, we planned to pick up where we left off after the baby was born. Of course, you know what they say about the best laid plans.

 

The show was supposed to start in five minutes and I couldn’t find Cassie. We were already one short, and I wasn’t about go to on stage as a threesome. “Cassie?” I pushed a dressing room door open, then stumbled backwards. “You have got to be kidding me!” I hissed loudly. Cassie gasped and twirled around to face me looking like a deer caught in the headlights, her hands still grasping the lapels of Carson’s blazer. He smiled smugly and wiped at the pink lip gloss lingering on his lips with the back of his hand. “What do you think you’re doing?” I placed my hands on my hips and glared at them. Neither of them had the chance answer, because a stagehand promptly ushered us out into the studio.

 

The beam from the halogen spotlight to my left felt like it was burning a hole through my purple corduroy blazer, and the chunky brown boots I wore were a half-size too small.  My toes were cramped, and so was I.  The Total Request studio was even smaller than it looked on television.  It underwent a huge remodel a couple years later, but at the moment, it was miniscule and feeling smaller by the second.  The addition of a studio audience had been accomplished by simply adding benches painted the same steely-gray as the rest of the studio along two walls that only held about fifteen people each.  There was an even mix of teenage boys and girls, most of the latter we assumed to be more “boyband” fans than geniune Forever fans.  We were standing in the corner opposite the audience near the windows, but I felt like if I were to take a step left or backwards, I’d knock over the offending spotlight that was making me sweat.  Right, and I’d run into Mel, who’d subsequently bump into Chrissy, and like a line of dominoes, she’d fall into Cassie, whose fall would be broken by Carson.  He’d like that wouldn’t he?  He gave me a smug smile as I cast a glance in his direction, and I felt the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand up despite the fact that I was roasting like a marshmallow.

 

Carson, of course, asked us about Amelia, and we chalked her absence up to having the flu. Just as the Backstreet Boys had done with Nick a few months earlier when he actually did have the flu, Amelia called in to the show to chat for a few minutes.  After the video premiere, Carson opened up the floor for questions.  Now that there was a live studio audience, it seemed that anything was fair game, much to our chagrin.  The first question was simple enough.  “Who’s your favorite Backstreet Boy?”  

 

“Nick!” Melissa answered almost too quickly.  “He’s such a cutie.  I just want to squeeze him like a big teddy bear.”  The audience laughed and I looked to my left to see Christina attempting to hide an amused smirk.  

 

“I’d have to say Kevin,” Cassie chimed in.  “He really is like a big brother to everyone.”

 

“AJ,” Chrissy answered without missing a beat.  “He’s so crazy you never know what to expect from him.  One day, his hair is blue, the next it’s red.  He might go out and come back with a new tattoo.  He’s also hilarious and so much fun to be around.”

 

“I think I’d have to go with Brian,” I said next.  “We’re all Kentucky girls, so I’ve gotta give some love to the other Kentucky boy.  He and I can always talk about the Cats, and he has always reminded me of my brother.  Talking to Brian is kind of like going home.”  That, of course, elicited a chorus of “aww”s.

 

It seemed like an innocent enough question.  After all, everyone knew we’d been on tour with them twice.  However, we were heading full speed ahead into the information age, and in early 1999, there were over 2 million Backstreet Boys fan sites on the world wide web.  There were 700 websites dedicated to Forever, and eight that we were aware of whose sole purpose was to discuss the actual or potential relationships between us and the members of the Backstreet Boys and N’Sync.  Our “flying by the seat of our pants”, yet still carefully calculated answers, in which we were sure to avoid mentioning any of the Boys that we’d been linked with romantically, made it pretty obvious that life as we knew it would never be the same.  

 

The next question was one that were, of course, expecting.  It came from a red-haired girl sitting just to my left.  “Emily.”  I eyed her suspiciously.  “Everyone knows that you and Joey Fatone broke up a couple months ago.  Are you still single?”  I started to give her my well-practiced answer, but she kept talking.  “Do any of you have boyfriends right now?”

 

Much to my surprise, Carson jumped in.  “I know everyone’s curious about that, but let’s respect the ladies’ right to keep their private lives private, and stick with questions related to their music, okay?”  WHAT?  I peered across the rest of the girls towards Carson and he gave me a professional little nod.  Cassie, however, bit her lip nervously and would never quite look me in the eye as they went on to the next question, and then the next.  

 

After the show was over, we signed a few autographs and posed for some pictures with various audience members as they filed out of the studio.  After they were all gone, I stood by the doorway leading out into the hall and waited for Cassie.  Chrissy was already headed down the hall with her cell phone glued to her ear-- no doubt calling Nick to see what he thought of the show-- and Mel said something about trying to find John Norris’s office.  Apparently, she thought he was “hot,” in a creepy, father figure kind of way.  I stood with my arms crossed pensively across my chest and glared at Carson and Cassie, hoping to make it very clear that I was waiting on her.  He grasped her wrist gently and scrawled what was no doubt his “digits” across the palm of her hand, then bent his head down and blew on it to dry the ink.  She grinned sheepishly as she turned towards me, and he swatted her playfully on the behind she she walked away.  

 

I met her halfway and jerked her down the hallway into the same dressing room where I’d found her canoodling Carson Daly just an hour earlier.  “Cassandra Dale, what do you think you’re doing?”  I hissed.

 

Cassie shrugged.  “He’s nice,” she answered nonchalantly.

 

“No, he’s not!”  I rebutted angrily.  “The last time we were here, he totally put us on the chopping block out there!”  I pointed and whipped my head towards the studio.  

 

She raised an eyebrow and smirked.  “He didn’t do that today, did he?”  I slumped my shoulders in defeat.  She had me there.  Cassie sighed and plopped into one of the chairs we’d used for hair and makeup.   “He knows something.  I don’t know what, but he knows something.  You know, there are all these message boards where the fans discuss star sightings and gossip about all of us, and--”

 

I gasped in sudden realization.  “Cassie-”  I placed a hand on her shoulder reassuringly.  “He isn’t,” I paused.  “Blackmailing you, is he?”

 

“No!” she exclaimed quickly.  “No.  He’s not blackmailing me. We-”  She faltered. “We have an arrangement.”

   

           “An arrangement?”

   

           “Yes.”  She nodded affirmatively.  I’d known Cassie half my life, but I couldn’t read her expression at all.  Her eyes danced in amusement, but her mouth twitched into a half-frown.  Her feet shuffled nervously, but her hands were still and steady.  

           “Are you blackmailing him?”

Chapter 41 by emily_michele

The Backstreet Boys spent the first part of 1999 in Orlando putting the finishing touches on their upcoming album, “Millennium.”  I was happy about that since we had some unavoidable downtime, and that meant my boyfriend would be close by for a few months.  Christina was beside herself with the prospect of actually getting to live with her husband for a while, even though they were putting in really long hours.  Between the album and the changes in management, they were pretty tied up most of the time, but at the end of the day, they got to go home, and there’s something to be said for that.  The guys and their new management team, The Firm, were being really hush-hush about the songs on the album, as well as the compulsory world tour that would go along with it.  Even as a “Backstreet girlfriend,” the title Howie had bestowed upon me didn’t give me much leverage into knowing anything about the album.  The only song snippets we’d heard were the ones previewed at the end of Britney Spears’ debut album, and believe me, we didn’t go out and buy it in order to hear them, since she was our biggest rival.  That’s what the internet was for.  The first single was to be released in April, and since I was a fan first, I was chomping at the bit to hear it.  This was one of the most highly anticipated albums of the year, and oh, what I would have given to be a fly on the wall in that studio.


 


“Alright guys. New song.”  Kevin passed out sheet music and sat down at the piano in the large studio the Backstreet Boys were renting to record their new album.  He poised his fingers over the keys and played the intro. AJ started singing.


 


“It’s not that I can’t live without you. It’s just that I don’t even want to try.  Every night I dream about you....Ever since the day we said good bye.” Howie jerked his head up from the music stand and watched Kevin as his fingers danced over the piano keys, his eyes flashing with jealousy.


 


Nick picked up where AJ left off.  “If I wasn’t such a fool, right now I’d be holding you. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do...Baby if I only knew.”


 


The rest of the guys joined in for the chorus.  “The words to say, the road to take, to find a way back to your heart....”  


 


Kevin’s hands crashed down onto the piano.  “Howie, you’re all over the place. What gives?”


 


“Sorry.” Howie replied through clenched teeth.  “Let’s try again.”


 


Not five minutes later, Kevin’s hands crashed onto the keys again.  “How about we take a break?”  He eyed the producer in the sound booth to ask for permission, and he nodded his approval.  All of the other guys dropped their papers onto the music stands and began to file out.  “Everyone but you, D.”


 


Howie groaned and shut the door behind him.  He crossed his arms and leaned against it.  “Yes?” he asked coldly.   


 


Kevin stood up, ran his hands through his hair and sighed.  “I know what you’re thinking, D.”


 


Howie’s right fist clenched instinctively around the sweatshirt material covering his left upper arm.  “Oh, do you?”


 


Kevin stood up and started pacing back and forth beside the piano bench.  “Yes, it’s about Emily.  I could lie to you and tell you it’s about Kristin, but I won’t.”  Howie lunged forward, his face red and the proverbial steam rolling off his hot forehead. “But I wrote it almost a year ago, Howie-- when she started seeing Fatone.”


   


Howie’s eyes narrowed as he stopped dead in his tracks and sized him up.  “Really?”  


   


Kevin placed his hands on the smooth black baby grand and leaned over it, staring into Howie’s eyes.  “Really.  They wanted another ballad for the album and I happened to have one, so I pulled it out and they loved it.  And might I remind you that I’m engaged.”


   


“Well, okay then.” Howie delivered a fake smile through clenched teeth.  “I gotta go piss.”  He turned on his heel and walked out the door.  Kevin was shocked at his bluntness.  “Piss” wasn’t typically in the vocabulary of Mr. Manners.  Emily would have promptly delivered a smack to the back of his head for that one, he thought, laughing to himself.  He sighed and sat back down on the piano bench.  Crisis averted-- for now anyway.


   


Three heads jerked up at the sound of Howie slamming the door behind him.  “That was quick,” Brian remarked.


   


“Just a little misunderstanding.  Mr. Richardson straightened me out real quick,” he said sarcastically as he passed by them.


   


“Who wants to put money down on who that song’s about?”  AJ asked aloud.


   


“I’ll take that bet,” Nick commented before tossing a few potato chips into his mouth.


   


“Well, I can see why Howie might think that, but let’s play devil’s advocate for a moment.  He and Kristin did break up for a while.  Maybe it’s about her,”  Brian reasoned.  


 


“Keep telling yourself that, B-Rok,” AJ grunted and wandered back into the studio.  


 




 


“Amy, that’s disgusting.” Cassie crinkled her nose in distaste as she watched Amelia dip a pickle spear into a dollop of peanut butter on a paper plate.


 


Amy chomped into her pickle. "Don't knock it til you've tried it," she said with a shrug. "Want one?" She retrieved a pickle spear from the jar, dipped it, and thrust it in Cassie's face. Mel snorted as Cassie's face paled.


 


"No thanks."  There was a loud rapping at the door and Cassie jumped at the opportunity to leave her perch on the barstool at the kitchen counter to answer it. "Um, hey Howie. Are you guys already done for the day?" she asked when she found my boyfriend leaning against the doorway.


 


“Lunch break,” Howie answered shortly as he crossed the room, his eyes trained on mine.  My feet hit the floor as he pressed his hand against the small of my back and gave me a little nudge off the barstool.  “Can I borrow her for a minute?”  Nobody really had the chance to respond as he grasped my hand in his and pulled me into my bedroom.  My back was against the wall and his mouth was on mine before he even slammed the door behind us.  His hands were everywhere, and is fingertips seemed to ooze jolts of electricity as they touched and caressed what seemed like every inch of my body.  He pulled his lips away from mine and stared into my eyes intently, as if silently asking for permission to go further.  I bit my bottom lip and nodded eagerly.  He smiled and plunged his hands into the back of my black yoga pants as he hoisted me upwards, and I wrapped my legs around his waist.


 


It was quick-- almost animalistic on Howie’s part, and while I thoroughly enjoyed it, I was also thoroughly confused.  Howie and I had officially been together for a little over a month, and while we’d jumped to the sex part way too fast, “fast and furious” wasn’t like him at all.  It almost seemed like he was on a mission-- like he had something to prove.  “What was that about?” I asked quietly as we were getting dressed.  I realized our shirts hadn’t even come off He didn’t answer and went about zipping and buttoning his pants with his back turned towards me.  


 


“Howie?”  I reached out and touched his shoulder.  The muscles in his back tensed.  Then he turned to face me with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.


 


“You really love me, right?” His eyes searched mine, pleading.


 


“Of course.”  I gave him a reassuring peck on the lips.


 


“Only me?”


 


“Yes!”  I insisted truthfully.  I grabbed his hands and pulled his arms around my waist, then grasped his biceps gently.  “What brought this on?”


 


“There’s this song,” he muttered, looking down at our feet.


 


“Okay....”


 


“It’s about you.”


 


“About me?”  That was a little intimidating.


 


“He says he wrote it a long time ago, but I’m not so sure I believe him.”  He hadn’t looked me in the eye since I’d put myself in his arms.


 


“Who’s ‘he’?”


 


He raised his head and gave me a pointed stare, his jaw clenched tightly.  “You know who.”


 


“Kevin?” I asked innocently.


 


“Yes, Kevin.”  Oh.  Of course it was Kevin.


 


“He’s engaged, Howie.  Of course he must have written it a long time ago,” I reasoned.


 


“Yeah, but you loved him first.”  He loosened his grip on my waist and took a tentative step backwards.


 


“Howie, stop it.”  I pulled him back to me.  “Nobody ever said anything about love, Howie.  You know that.”


 


“No, but I know you, and I know that you loved him.”


 


I sighed and traced the  navy blue Gap logo appliqued across his chest with my fingernail.  “Does it matter whether I did or didn’t love him?  I chose you.  I love you.”  


 


I felt his arms tense around me, and his eyes narrowed into slits.  A strand of dark, curly hair had fallen out of his ponytail and hung loosely along his jawline.  I fought the urge to tuck it behind his ear.  “What do you mean you chose me?”  he asked, his suspicious voice barely above a whisper.


 


I gulped and took a moment to brush that strand of hair away, then ran my fingers along his cheek and down to his lips before leaning in and giving him a soft kiss.  “I never really wanted you to find out about this, Howie.  I didn’t want you to get mad or hold a grudge against one of your bandmates over something that’s all water under the bridge now.”


 


“Em, what are you talking about?”


 


“You asked me what I meant by ‘I chose you.’  What I mean is that Kevin gave me a choice.”  Howie’s brows furrowed, and I struggled to read his expression.  “He didn’t know he was giving me a choice at first, but he had a ring for Kristin and he asked me to give him a reason not to give it to her.”  I knew this new expression immediately-- jealousy.  “I told him to give it to her.”  


 


His eyes lit up with a smile, but his lips still twitched into a frown.  “Really?  Why?” he asked, as if he didn’t really believe what I was telling him.


 


“Because I’m with you,”  I answered matter-of-factly.  I gave his shoulders a  reassuring squeeze and stared directly into his uneasy eyes.  “I told Kevin to give Kristin the ring because it’s not him I want anymore.  It’s you.”


 


Howie’s lips curled up into a smile, yet still he questioned me.  “Really?”


 


“Yes!”  I insisted.  “What do you think we’ve been doing for the past month?”


 


“Going at it like rabbits?”  He got this twinkle in his eye as he reached around my back and squeezed my rear end.  I rolled my eyes and slapped him away playfully, but he pulled me close and locked his lips on mine in a searing kiss.  Just as I was starting to wonder whether he was preparing to head back to the studio or getting ready for round two, there was loud rapping on my bedroom door.  “Leave it,” Howie groaned against my lips.”  Yet, the knocking only got louder and more persistent.  


 


“Em!  We need you!” Mel’s voice echoed frantically through the hinges.


 


I sighed and pulled myself out of the grasp of my very hot boyfriend, then padded over to the door and swung it open.  “What?” I hissed, annoyed.


 


Cassie stood with her cell phone clutched in her hand just a few paces behind Mel in the hallway.  “Carson just called.”

Chapter 42 by emily_michele

 

“Daly?”  Howie poked his head through the doorway across my shoulder and raised an eyebrow at the young women standing outside my bedroom door.  “Why is Carson Daly calling Cassie?”

 

“That’s what I want to know!”  Amelia shouted from the living room.

 

My eyes landed on Mel, as I expected her to voice her concern next.  “I know everything,” she said with a smirk, as she turned on her heel and sashayed back towards the living room.

 

“Why’d he call?”  I asked Cassie.

 

She shrugged.  “He was in a hurry, because he was just on a commercial break, but he said we needed to turn on TRL and watch the ending.”

 

Howie glanced down at his watch.  “Crap!  TRL’s already on!”  He rushed towards the front door, then stopped on his tiptoes and ran back to me to plant a kiss on my lips before tearing back towards the door. “I’m late. Gotta go!  Love you!”

 

“I love you, too!”  I yelled at the door he’d already slammed behind him.  

 

Cassie, Mel, and I wandered back into the living room, where Amelia was sprawled out on the couch with her swollen ankles propped up on the coffee table and a bowl of microwave popcorn balanced atop her burgeoning belly.  I plopped down beside her and shoved my hand into the bowl to retrieve a handful of the buttery snack.  “Did anyone call Christina?”  

 

“Yup,” Amelia answered, her voice muffled by the mouthful of popcorn she was chewing.  “She was at Orlando Commons maxing out the credit card Nick gave her last week.  She’s on her way over.”  As if on cue, we heard the tell-tale metallic click of a key in the lock.  When Chrissy had moved out, we encouraged her to keep her key to the condo, insisting on frequent visits when Nick was working.  

 

“What’s this all about?”  She asked curiously as she closed the door behind her and crossed the kitchen into the living room.  

 

“Carson says we need to watch TRL together,” Cassie answered, turning up the volume as Carson’s face filled the screen after the

commercial break.

 

Christina sighed.  “Cass, what are you doing?”

 

“Shh!”  Cassie quieted her as Carson started talking, obviously avoiding the question.  

 

“Welcome back to the February 22, 1999 edition of Total Request Live.  I’m your host, Carson Daly, and here’s a recap of of today’s countdown so far.”

 

“Ooh...” Mel gushed.  “I wonder what number we are today.”  We’d become accustomed to being a staple on the show, albeit usually hanging out somewhere around number 6 or 7.  Our second single, a ballad called “Forever,” just like our group and our album (management’s choice, not ours), hadn’t yet been as popular as our debut single, but considering that we’d done little promo for it, we were happy to see it getting airplay on TRL, even if we hadn’t broken the top five.  We all leaned forward in anticipation as Carson reviewed numbers ten through five: 10.) Monica “Angel of Mine,” 9.) 2Pac “Changes,” 8.) Eminem “My Name Is,” 7.) 98 Degrees “The Hardest Thing,” 6.) Limp Bizkit “Faith,” 5.) Britney Spears “Baby One More Time.”

 

I subconsciously let out a little squeal of delight.  We hadn’t beat Britney since the week “Baby One More Time” debuted back in the fall. Carson introduced the #4 video, which was Korn’s “Freak on a Leash,” and we chattered excitedly throughout the video about the possibility of making it to number three again.  #3 was “All I have to Give,” and #2 was “God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You.” I was sure I’d be hearing complaints about that later.

 

“What the hell?” Mel asked incredulously, as Carson cut to the final commercial break.  “Did your boyfriend call us so that we could see ourselves fall off the countdown?”

 

Suddenly, all talk of TRL countdown numbers vanished as Amelia put two and two together.  “What?!” she shouted as she jumped to her feet and the popcorn bowl, empty now except for a few unpopped kernels and some salt, tumbled to the floor.  “You and Carson?  He’s such a jerk, Cassie.”

 

I waited for Cassie to explain that she and Carson weren’t technically “together,” so much as they had a business arrangement, but Cassie’s only response was a quietly mumbled, “I like him, Amy.”  What?

 

“How?”

 

Cassie started biting her fingernails nervously.  “When he’s not in front of a camera, he’s really sweet.”  Now I’d heard everything. Carson Daly-- sweet.  Right.  “We talk every day,”  she went on.

 

“He always calls or sends me an e-mail, or we chat on ICQ, or....something.”

 

“But, Cassie, I thought you told me...” I stammered.

 

Cassie held up her hand.  “I know.  That’s what it was at first, Em, but now....”

 

“What are you talking about?”  Amy interjected.  “How did I not know anything about this?”

 

“Well, she wasn’t ready to deal with the crazy pregnant lady hormones,” Mel remarked.

 

“How did you know about this?” Cassie glared at Mel with her arms crossed over her chest defensively.  Mel just shrugged nonchalantly.

 

Carson’s voice cut through the awkward silence.  “And now, for a brand-new number one!  These ladies have made the largest jump of the month.  They were number seven on Friday, and today they’ve moved all the way to the top!”  Wait a minute, we were number seven on Friday.  I diverted my attention from my feuding bandmates and stared wide-eyed at the television screen.  “Congratulations to the ladies of Forever on their number one video for,” he paused and winked at the camera.  “Forever!”  Amelia shrieked in excitement while Mel and Chrissy started hugging each other and jumping up and down.  Cassie kept her eyes trained on the screen with a big grin on her face.  “Well done, baby,”  Carson said softly as the camera panned the audience and our video started playing.  I wasn’t even sure if any of the others noticed, save for Cassie and myself.

 

Chrissy’s phone rang, and she lunged for her purse.  “Hey, sweetie!” she chirped cheerfully. “Yes, we’re watching it.”  Her face fell and I could hear Nick’s voice whining loudly on the other line while she attempted to keep a straight face.  “Well, it’s not like we’re N’Sync, honey,” she soothed through suppressed laughter.  “Well, that’s true....” She trailed off and listened patiently while Nick apparently got some stuff off his chest.  “Aren’t you happy for us?  I mean, I’m your wife, and Amy’s the mother of Kevin’s child.  Emily is Howie’s girlfriend....”

 

My cell phone started ringing.  I smiled at the number on the caller ID as I answered it.  “Hey,” I breathed happily.

 

“Hey, you....congratulations!” Howie said excitedly.

 

“Thanks!”

 

Howie chuckled. “Nick’s happy for you.  Really, he is.  We all are.  I think he’s mainly throwing his hissy fit over dropping down to #3 and losing out to Justin & company.  Christina knows that, doesn’t she?” Ah, my Howie.  Always looking out for everyone's best interest.  It was what I loved most about him.  

 

I glanced at my friend and watched as her expression went from amused to frustrated and back again.  “Yeah.  I think so.”

 

“So, which one of you is Carson’s ‘baby’?  And does it have anything to do with him calling Cassie before I left?”

 

I sighed.  “Yeah, apparently Cassie and Carson are ‘a thing’.”  And apparently I was telling him the truth?  That girl had me so confused.

 

“Ew.”

 

“Yeah, no kidding.”

Chapter 43 by emily_michele

 

“Ewan?”  Kevin asked, his eyebrows raised in disbelief.  “As in McGregor?” He looked down at the floor and shook his head.

 

“Why not?  I like it!”  Amelia insisted.  She held her tongue sideways between her teeth and highlighted “Ewan” in the baby name book she had propped up on her ever-growing belly.

 

“Did you know he’s going to be in the next Star Wars film?”  Nick remarked from where he was sitting in the floor, without tearing his eyes away from the television screen.  

 

“He’s HOT!”  Mel chimed in.  “In an Obi-Wan Kenobi kind of way.”  All of us ladies nodded in agreement.

 

“What’s the matter, Kevin?  Are you afraid everyone will think he’s named after Ewan McGregor?  It’s not like we can name him after you, or everyone will know he’s yours!”  Amelia retorted.

 

Silence.  Kevin had been very clear that he intended on keeping this quiet for as long as possible, for both his sake and Amelia's.

 However, when all was said and done, he was most concerned about his son, and he intended to protect his baby boy from public scrutiny for as long as possible. He was going to be an amazing father.  Amelia knew that, of course, but she’d been in hiding for months so that fans didn't know what was going on, and she was exhausted.  She was a twenty year old pop star with stretch marks, cankles, and a baby daddy who she wasn’t even dating.  Add that to the fact that she had basically been shunned by her very religious, conservative family (no risk of a leak to the press there), throw some pregnancy hormones into the mix, and my best friend was kind of  like a ticking time bomb.  

 

Kevin grunted and grabbed the baby name book off the couch.  “What about Joshua?”  Amelia scrunched her face up in disgust.  

 

Brian threw down his video game controller after Nick had killed him on the TV screen for the fifth time in a row.  Yep, the Backstreet Boys were playing video games on my living room floor. Just a typical Saturday afternoon.  “I don’t know why you two are arguing about this,” he jested.  “Everyone knows you’re going to name him Brian after Kevin’s favorite cousin.”

 

“Now that might raise some eyebrows if we’re worried about the media deciding whose baby it is based on the name!”  Howie interjected as he snaked his arms around my waist and kissed me on the cheek.  I loved their banter, but I was sad that we were having this conversation at all.

 

“Name him Justin!”  Brian guffawed with an over-the-top grin.  

 

Apparently, Nick missed the punchline, because he got a little irate.  “Why name him after that MoFo when you could name him Nick?”  he asked with a jealous snarl.   

 

Chrissy promptly bonked him over the head with a throw pillow.  “Now, that’s exactly what we need!  How are you going to explain that one when word eventually gets out that you’re married to me?  And what if we have a boy one day?”  

 

Nick gave her a sheepish grin and sank back down into the berber carpet.  “Oh yeah.  Sorry.”

 

“You might as well name him Alex,”  AJ said with a shrug.  “I have no ties.  Maybe it would just pump up the bad boy image.”

 

Silence.  Awkward silence.  Kevin shot him a look what said, “What the hell?”  while Amelia grabbed the baby name book back out of his hands and buried her face in the M’s.  The night AJ found out about the baby, he went out and got two new tattoos and a nose ring.  Then, he called Amelia and cried about how it was all his fault, considering what he’d been doing that night in Las Vegas.  I couldn’t believe he’d let her off the hook that easily.  Now, Kevin was another story.  Later on, as Howie and I got even closer, there were mumblings about more punches thrown and some shouting matches.  In the end, reality was that while I felt like I’d been cheated on, I was in a relationship at the time, and Kevin wasn’t.  AJ was doing whatever he was doing that night with a hooker (stupid), and Amelia and Kevin were getting drunk and screwing (stupid and stupider).  In this strange love pentagon, really, no one could necessarily blame the other.  Amelia assured AJ that he wasn’t at fault at all-- This was all on her and Kevin, yet was reluctant to let him back into her life, even as a friend.  I was actually surprised that he was at our little get-together at all.  Still, I could see the way he looked at her, even almost eight months pregnant with another man’s child, and there was still something there. “What about Michael?” Amy squeaked.

 

“I like it,” Kevin answered with a smile.  She smiled back and highlighted the name in her book.  

 

“Who wants popcorn?”  Cassie came in from the kitchen carrying a big red bowl.

 

“Did we even decide what we were watching?”  Brian asked, as he opened the bottom of our TV stand and started browsing our collection of DVDs and VHS tapes.  “Ooh... what’s this?”  Brian pulled out a video with a black dust cover.  “A Night Out With The Backstreet Boys?”  His eyes danced in amusement.

 

Cassie blushed furiously.  “I saw it at Target a couple months ago and couldn’t help myself,” she admitted.  

 

“We’re watching it!”  Brian declared, taking the tape out of its cover and pushing it into the VCR.  “Nick’s hair was so sexy in that concert.”  Everyone laughed.  

 

“Hey!”  Chrissy exclaimed in defense from her place in the floor beside Nick.  “I happen to think it was sexy.”

 

“Hmm.... I remember that night...You did think it was sexy”  Nick said suggestively.  He leaned in and tackled her to the floor, climbing on top of her and kissing her hungrily.  A chorus of “Get a room!”  came from the peanut gallery as a mess of  throw pillows were tossed on top of them.

 

Just as Brian had inserted the video into the tape player, the doorbell rang.  Mel jumped up to answer it, being sure to check the peephole before opening, just as our bodyguards had trained to us to always do.  The pop star life in Orlando, Florida was a lot different from small-town life in eastern Kentucky where everyone knew your name and front doors were often left unlocked.  She let out a little yelp and turned with her back straight against the door.  “Cassie, you have company,” she gasped with wide eyes.

 

“What?”  Cassie crossed the room with popcorn bowl still in hand and looked in the peephole beside Melissa’s head.  The bowl clattered to the floor, popcorn kernels scattering everywhere.  

 

“Hide!”  she hissed.  

 

“Who is it? Jack The Ripper?”  AJ joked.  He took a gulp out of his soda can as Cassie opened the door just a crack and slinked outside, quickly shutting it behind her.

 

“Worse.”  Mel said seriously.  “It’s Carson.”   

 

AJ’s mouthful of cola spewed across the coffee table.  “What?!”  he sputtered.  “Here?”

 

The media storm following Carson’s little acknowledgement on TRL had been huge. Celebrity gossip magazines and television shows had latched onto it immediately, leaving everyone asking the question, “Which Forever girl is Carson dating?”  The fan sites and message boards were ablaze with speculation.   Carson arranged a very public date with Cassie at Disney World a few days later to set the record straight that it was her he was seeing. Truth be told, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like the media attention we were getting.  Carson was a huge celebrity in his own right at the time, and his dating a member of our group increased our exposure at a time that we needed it. Still,  even after Cassie’s admission that she actually liked him, I couldn’t get her words from that afternoon after our appearance on TRL out of  my head.  “He knows something.  I don’t know what, but he knows something.”  

 

Kevin promptly jumped into action and helped Amelia ease up from her seat on the couch, then placed his hand on the small of her back and led her down the hallway towards the bedrooms.  The last thing we needed was Carson barging in to find a very pregnant Amelia sitting on the couch surrounded by Backstreet Boys.  He may have been romantically involved with our friend and bandmate, but he was still the face of MTV and music news at the time, and we didn’t trust him not to break the big story just ahead of the BSB’s new album release if he were to find out.

 

“Rings!”  Chrissy lunged for Nick’s left hand just as he lunged for hers.  They exchanged a look of both longing and fear as they tugged each other’s wedding bands off.  Nick reached into his back pocket and slipped Christina’s tiny ring into his wallet, and she threaded his onto a long, thin, white gold chain around her neck, hands shaking as she struggled with the clasp, then tucked it underneath her shirt.  Nick jumped to his feet and held his hand out to his wife. She took it and he pulled her up from the floor effortlessly, then followed Kevin and Amelia down the hall with Brian close behind them.  

 

He stopped about halfway down the hall and turned to look at Mel and me.  “She could do so much better than him,” he said, shaking his head sadly.  I nodded in agreement.  If only he knew that after she bought “A Night Out With The Backstreet Boys,” I’d caught her on more than one occasion watching “Where Can We Go From Here” and “That’s What She Said” on repeat by herself on the couch late at night.  Come to think about it, it’d been a while, though.  Now there was Carson.  I shuddered at the thought of the two of them actually getting serious, then went into the kitchen to get AJ another paper towel.  He quickly sopped up the rest of the mess on the coffee table while Howie and I went to work sweeping the spilled popcorn off the floor, and sprinted down the hall after Amelia and his bandmates.  

 

Mel went outside to check in on Cassie and Carson, and Howie looked at me and squeezed my hand.  “What if I said I want to stay?”  he asked cautiously.  “I mean, I’m not really trying to hide anything.  Kevin and Amelia, and Nick and Christina-- I know why they’re keeping secrets, but just I don’t really feel like I have anything to hide.  Maybe if Carson walks in and finds me here with you, he won’t go snooping around to find out anything else.”  I bit my lip nervously.  I understood where he was coming from, but I’d already been in a very public relationship with a boyband member, and I wasn’t so sure I really wanted to go there again.  


I gulped and shrugged.  “It’s up to you, Howie,” I answered, trying to sound as indifferent as possible.  He smiled, leaned in to kiss me ever so gently on the cheek, and started walking towards Amelia’s room.  My Howie-- it seemed he always knew exactly what I needed.  I watched him open Amelia’s bedroom door and slip inside, then I just stood there as the men in my best friend’s bedroom sang “Like a Child” on the television screen behind me.

 

The door knob jiggled and the door opened very slowly.  Mel poked her head inside with wide eyes and a nervous smile, surveying the great room area of the condo to see if the coast was clear.  “Guess who’s here!”  she exclaimed loudly.  “It’s Carson!”

I scrambled for the remote and clicked the TV off.  It’s not that I was embarrassed.  I loved my Backstreet Boys, but no use in starting a conversation with Carson about them.  They were already all piled into one room just a few steps away.  I kind of wished I was in there with them. Instead, I had apparently been chosen to join in hosting an MTV veejay.  Mel walked inside, followed by Carson, who was grasping the hand of a shaken, but genuinely happy looking Cassie.  “Here we go,” I thought to myself.

Chapter 44 by emily_michele

 

All five Backstreet Boys were holed up in a small bedroom in my Orlando condo with my very pregnant best friend and Nick Carter’s secret wife.  Carson Daly was boiling eggs in my kitchen while Cassandra Dale looked on in adoration. And here I’d thought my life couldn’t get any weirder.  Carson whistled a tune I recognized as “As Long as You Love Me”  as he took the pot off the stove and stepped over to the sink where he ran cold water over his eggs to cool them.  I started to call him out on it, but he started talking instead.  “So, where are the other girls?”

 

I looked at Mel, who had emerged as the spokesperson of the group, as if we were being interviewed.  Cassie bit her fingernails and watched Carson as he smashed a hard-boiled egg  on the formica countertop and started to peel it. “Amelia’s visiting her parents in Kentucky,” Mel answered without a beat.  I scoffed inwardly at the irony of her statement.  Amelia’s parents were pretty low on my list at the moment. “And Chrissy was actually napping in her room the last I checked.”  Oh.  Apparently Chrissy still lived with us.  Good thinking, Mel.  

 

“Knives?”  Carson asked, turning around to look at me.  I don’t know why he didn’t ask Cassie.  Maybe he already knew she didn’t cook.  I pointed to the knife block pushed against the backsplash on the countertop just a few inches away from where he’d been peeling eggs.  “Oh! Thanks!”  Then my cell phone rang.  

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey, it’s me,” AJ said in a loud whisper.

 

“Excuse me.”  I politely bowed out of the kitchen and headed down the hallway.  “What?”  I hissed quietly as I shoved the door to Amy’s room open.   

 

“Amelia’s hungry,”  AJ answered quickly.

 

“She keeps a bag of pretzels in her nightstand.  Why are you calling me over this?”  I asked as I leaned down to open the drawer.  Pretzels in the nightstand were a trick she’d adopted in the beginning of her pregnancy while we were still on tour and she was fighting an uphill battle with morning sickness.  Eating something salty before she got out of bed seemed to help, and I often found myself sneaking to hotel snack machines with a handful of quarters whenever she ran out of them and was too busy getting sick to get them for herself.

 

“Well, Tweedle-frick, and Tweedle-frack over here ate them all,” Kevin grunted with an eye roll as he  threw his hand out towards Brian and Nick.  I bit my lip to stifle the giggle that rose in my throat.  They were a sight to see, really.  Kevin was sitting on one floor in one corner with his knees bent, his arms propped on his knees, and his head leaned back against the closet door, eyes closed and brows furrowed in frustration.  Brian and Nick were in the opposite corner taking turns pouring the salt from the bottom of the empty pretzel bag into each other’s mouths.  Amy was sprawled out on the bed flipping through the TV channels with the remote  while Chrissy way laying on her stomach at the foot of the bed with her ankles crossed behind her, reading an old issue of Cosmo.  AJ was perched stiffly on the other side of said bed watching Amelia like a hawk and Howie was leaning against the bed post since there really wasn’t anywhere else to be, and winking at me.  

 

“It’s only been like twenty-five minutes!”  I scolded the boys with the pretzel bag.

 

“I’m a growing boy!”  Nick insisted with a cheesy smile in my direction.  He spoke the truth.  At nineteen, he was six feet tall and getting taller and broader every day.  Crazy to think he hadn’t hit his final growth spurt yet and he’d already been married for almost eight months.

 

“What’s your excuse?”  I asked 24-year old Brian, my eyebrows raised in amusement.  

 

“He started it.”  Brian hiked his thumb in Nick’s direction and grinned sheepishly.  I couldn’t help laughing as I rolled my eyes.

 

“The baby’s hungry,” AJ reminded me.  “When are we going to lose Carson?”  

 

I shrugged.  “He’s in the kitchen making egg salad.”

 

“Why is he making eg--”

 

“Ooh!  The baby wants egg salad!”  Amelia interrupted him with excited exclamation.

 

“Shh!”  Index fingers fell on the lips of every other person in the room as we all shushed her.

 

“Sorry!” she whispered.  “But the baby’s hungry!”

 

I nodded my acknowledgement.  “I’ll see what I can do.”

 

“Can we get some Coke?”  Brian asked, ears perking up at my statement.

 

“No!”  I half-whispered.  “A- I’m not your waitress.  B- Don’t you think it’ll look a little suspicious when I go into the kitchen and come back here with more than enough food for one person?”

 

“Fine,” he huffed dramatically.  “Can you work on getting rid of Carson?”

 

I sighed.  “I’ll see what I can do.  Chrissy, it’s time for you to wake up from your nap.”

 

“What?”  She looked up from a magazine article titled “Blow His Mind” with wide eyes.

 

“You still live here.  You’ve been taking a nap.  It’s time to come say hello to Cassie’s boyfriend.”  I spat out the last word as if it left a bad taste in my mouth.

 

“Ohhh-” she said with a nod of understanding.  “Do I have to?” She frowned.

 

I grabbed her hand and pulled her off the bed.  “If I do, you do.”  She groaned and followed me out of the room.

 

“Get rid of him!” Brian hissed at us as we crossed the doorframe.  I threw my hand up in the air to let him know I’d heard him loud and clear.  If only it was that simple.

 

“Oh, hi Carson!”  Chrissy said cheerfully as we got into the kitchen.

 

 “What a surprise!  How are you?”  She crossed the room and placed a friendly hand on his arm.  

 

Carson turned to her and smiled, and I set about making Amelia an egg salad sandwich.  “I’m great!  I was really missing Cassandra, so I thought I’d make a surprise visit.”  He winked at Cassie.  “I hope you ladies don’t mind my dropping in like this.”

 

“Oh we don’t mind at all!  Good to see you again!”  Chrissy answered, her voice syrupy sweet.  Somebody needed to give that girl an Oscar.

 

I opened the refrigerator door behind them and grabbed a can of Sprite.  I pushed it closed with my hip and started carrying the can and the plate with Amy’s sandwich on it back towards the bedrooms. Everyone turned to look at me and I froze.  I’d hoped Chrissy would keep him engaged long enough for me to slip back out unnoticed, but no such luck.  I gulped.  “The egg salad looks awesome, Carson.  I hope you don’t mind, but I have this weird fear of people watching me eat, so I’m going to take it back to my room to enjoy it.”  My voice shook as I talked, and Cassie looked at me like I was crazy.  Mel, on the other hand, was trying so hard not to laugh that she literally had tears in her eyes.

 

“Um...okay,”  Carson said slowly.  “When you’re finished, I’d like to talk to all of you for a bit.”  Oh, I couldn’t wait.

 

I turned on my heel and darted back to Amy’s room as fast as I could without causing the sandwich to slide off the plate and splat onto the floor.  I opened the door to find Kevin now wedged in between AJ and Amy on the bed and browsing the baby name book again.  “What about Joseph?” he asked aloud as I walked inside.

 

“Are you serious?”  I asked incredulously as I placed the plate and can of pop on the nightstand.  

 

“We can’t name him Joseph, Kevin,” Howie said seriously.  

 

“Oh,” Kevin said, recognizing the snafu.  “Sorry.”  I nodded, silently accepting his apology.

 

“Who says we are naming him?”  Amelia asked, holding up air quotes with her fingers as she said the word “we.”  

 

Howie shrugged as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around my waist protectively.  “I just thought it was kind of cool that all of his aunts and uncles were sitting around while you two argued over what you’re going to name him,” he told her, then turned his attention to me.  “How’s it going out there?”

 

“I don’t know,” I said with a shrug.  “I’m in here eating my sandwich.”

 

“What?”

 

“Well, I had to come up with an excuse to bring that-”  I pointed to Amy’s sandwich.  She was currently mid-bite. “In here.  I have a weird phobia about eating in front of people, okay?”  Howie pursed his lips while Nick, Brian, and AJ burst out laughing.  

 

“Shh!” Kevin said harshly.  “Do you really want Carson Daly finding out that we’re back here in my pregnant baby mama’s bedroom?”  I couldn’t help it.  Howie tried to keep his composure, but I laughed right with them this time.  “You people are killing me,” he sighed as we quieted ourselves as quickly as we could.  “What are you going to tell him when he asks about the commotion back here?”  

 

I shrugged as I gave Howie a quick peck on the cheek and headed for the door, picking up Amelia’s almost empty plate along the way.  Wow, she and baby Ewan must have really been hungry, judging by how quickly she’d scarfed down that sandwich.  “I’ll come up with something,” I assured him.

 

Kevin raised an eyebrow and grinned.  “Something as good as your sandwich audience phobia?”  I chucked a piece of bread crust at his head before I pulled the door shut behind me.  

 

The other girls and Carson were seated around the table talking and eating.when I came back into the kitchen.  Since there were only four chairs, Cassie was perched comfortably on Carson’s knee.  He played with her hair with one hand while he shoveled chips into his mouth with the other.  I cleared my throat loudly to announce my presence, and everyone turned to look at me.  “So, I was telling Carson about how you always turn up your sitcom reruns too loud, and the laughter coming from your room must have been The Golden Girls,”  Mel said with the slightest of smirks.  She was obviously highly amused by the situation.  

I gulped.  “Full House, actually.  Gotta love Uncle Jesse. What was it you wanted to talk to us about, Carson?”  I asked, eager to change the subject.  The sooner he said whatever it was he needed to say, the better.  Hopefully, then, we’d be able to lure him out of the house long enough to get the guys out of Amy’s bedroom.  I worried that “Tweedle-frick and Tweedle-frack” wouldn’t be able to behave themselves much longer.

Chapter 45 by emily_michele

 

 

Carson wiped his hands with a napkin and gently nudged Cassie off his lap so that he could stand up.  Cassie motioned for me to have a seat in her chair, but I shook my head and instead hopped up onto a barstool.  She nodded and sat back down, turning around and leaning onto the back of the chair.  He cleared his throat and looked at Cassie, giving her a genuine smile, then he started his speech. “Cassandra and I have been talking, and we think it’s time that we clear the air about our relationship.”  He turned to me.  “Emily, I know that when you found us in the dressing room at TRL, you were shocked.”  I crossed my arms across my chest and stared him down.  “I also know that Cassandra told you about the little arrangement we made at that time.”

 

 

 

“What arrangement?” Chrissy interrupted.  

 

 

 

“Just keep listening.  This gets good,” Mel remarked.  I raised an eyebrow at her, my arms still crossed protectively across my chest.  

 

“How do you know?”

 

 

 

“Like I’ve told you before.  I know everything.”  Nothing about Mel surprised me anymore.  At the moment, I was less interested in her Nancy Drew skills, and more interested in what Carson had to say for himself.

 

 

 

Carson kept talking.  “I approached Cassandra before the show a couple months ago....”

 

 

 

I hated the way he called her Cassandra.  I only ever called her that when I was upset with her, like an angry parent scolding her child. Come to think about it, bring on “Cassandra,” Carson.  “Because as an MTV veejay, it’s in my job description to keep up with the celebrity gossip, particularly the information surrounding the artists on my countdown.  I routinely check fan message boards, particularly the ones run by MTV, but also individual fan sites as well.”  

 

 

 

I sighed.  Now, we were getting to the “he knows something” part of the conversation.  

 

 

 

“When I ran across some information about one of you, I felt like I had to act on it, but when I asked Cassandra about it, she ended up giving me an offer I couldn’t refuse.  I never imagined I’d actually end up falling for her...” He looked down as Cassie, gave her shoulder a little squeeze, and smiled.  Oh, how very cryptic of him. What the hell did he know?

 

 

 

“What the hell do you know, Carson?”  Thanks, Mel.  

 

 

 

Carson looked at Cassie and eyed her cautiously.  In return, she shrugged.  “You might as well tell them.”

 

 

 

He sighed.  “Where did you say Amelia was, again?”  Uh-oh.  This wasn’t good.

 

 

 

“She’s at her parents’ house in Kentucky,” I reiterated, placing a staccato on each word for emphasis.  

 

 

 

“Is she really?”  I eyed him dubiously.  “What if I told you that there was a message board about Amelia’s pregnancy on one of the MTV fan forums?”  Carson finally ripped off the bandaid. It was still painful.  Mel winced and Chrissy’s mouth dropped open in surprise. Cassie closed her eyes, as if she was avoiding the situation altogether.  “It got deleted,” he said quickly.  “It was a small thread, so I don’t think there are that many suspicious fans out there, but when you all showed up at TRL without her,  I couldn’t help thinking maybe it was true.  Now, I don’t know who the father is, but I’d place a few bets on the possibilities.”  Silence.  None of us knew what to say, so he kept talking. “I didn’t tell Cassandra what I knew at the time, just that I knew something that could be very big, and I wanted to confirm it.  She asked me what it would take to keep me quiet, and we made a deal.  It was a win-win situation, really.  In exchange for my silence, she agreed to date me-- publicly.  Get the media, especially the teen magazines in on the relationship, and it gave both me and the five of you a  lot of exposure.  I mean, come on-- a member of an up and coming girl group dating an MTV VJ?  It’s a pop culture gold mine.”

 

 

 

“Except, now you’re falling for her,” I said slowly.

 

 

 

Carson nodded affirmatively and took Cassie’s hand with his.  “I am... So, we’ve got another agreement, and this one’s much better.”

 

 

 

“Oh, do tell,”  Mel interjected.

 

 

 

“I want you to know that your secrets are safe with me.”  Carson smiled warmly just as a male voice cut into the silence from down the hallway.

 

 

 

“Oh, dear God!  What did you eat?!”  It was undeniably Brian.  

 

 

 

I jumped up from my perch on the barstool and held my index finger up in front of me.  “I’ll be right back.”  I stomped down the hallway and flung the door open.  Brian was hanging his head out the open window making overzealous gagging noises, and Nick had his red face buried into a pillow to muffle his laughter.  Kevin had his head in his hands, shaking it back and forth slowly, and AJ was fawning over Amelia, who looked like she was literally going to be sick. Howie mouthed a sympathetic “sorry” to me and rolled his eyes in Nick and Brian’s general direction.  I sighed and marched over to the two troublemakers with my hands on my hips.  “Ya think you could have been a little louder, Brian?”  I grabbed him by the elbow and jerked him back inside the room.  

 

 

 

“Sorry.”  He grinned sheepishly.  “You’d have yelled at him too if you smelled it.”  I scrunched up my nose in disgust and looked over at Nick.

 

 

 

“Sorry,” he squeaked.

 

 

 

“You couldn’t behave yourself for just a few more minutes?”  I gave him an exasperated sigh.  

 

 

 

“No!”  he hissed quietly.  “It’s a natural bodily function.  It was in me and had to come out.  Otherwise, I might have imploded!”  They were all grown men, but as usual, a little potty humor got them every time. They all snickered, quietly this time, and even Kevin let out a little chuckle.

 

 

 

“Well, Carson definitely heard Brian’s little outburst.  I think the neighbors down the street heard Brian’s little outburst!  So, what do you propose we do about that?”  I asked.  

 

 

 

Immediately, Howie was at my side.  He took my hand and squeezed it.  “Let’s go.”  He gestured towards the door with his head.  I froze and stared at him like a deer in the headlights.  “We don’t have to, but can you think of a better explanation for the man shouting from one of the bedrooms?”  He cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrows at me.

 

 

 

He had me there.  I wasn’t particularly happy about bringing Howie back out into the kitchen with me, but what was that Carson had just told us?  Our secrets were safe with him, right?  Yeah, right.  Still, Amelia’s big secret hadn’t been leaked to the press yet, and that had to mean something, didn’t it?  I gave Howie a little nod, and he followed me out of Amy’s bedroom.

 

 

 

“Get rid of him!”  Brian whispered as we walked out the door.  I should have brought Brian out with me.  If it weren’t for him, Carson would be none the wiser about the five Backstreet Boys hiding just a few footfalls away.  

 

 

 

Instead of taking a left and heading towards the kitchen, Howie took a right and  opened Mel’s bedroom door to let her little teacup poodle, Lance, out.  He’d gotten a little nervous and yippy with so many people around earlier, so she’d shut him in there to calm down. Now, the little curly black-haired puppy was yelping and shaking with excitement as Howie stooped down to pick him up. “I can’t believe she named him Lance,” he said, as he cupped the pooch’s belly with the palm of one hand while he rubbed his head with the fingers of the other.  “You think that says more about Lance or the dog?”   

 

 

 

I stifled a laugh and shrugged.  “Why are you getting the dog, anyway?”

 

 

 

“Ah!  He’s all part of my plan!”  He said with a wink.  I gulped and followed him into the kitchen.

 

 

 

“Oh, hey, Carson!” he said cheerfully.  “Sorry about my little outburst back there.  This little guy’s got some serious digestive issues.”  He gestured down to the dog and gave him a pat on the head.  “Smelly!”  He fanned his hand in front of his face and faked a grimace.   

 

 

 

Carson’s eyes widened in disbelief, but he didn’t comment on the apparent canine flatulence at all.  “Howie D.  I didn’t imagine I’d see you here.  Maybe Brian, but--”  He held out his hand and Howie shook it.  Brian?  Why would Brian be in our condo on a Saturday afternoon?

 

 

 

“Brian?”  Chrissy asked.  “Why would Brian be here?”

 

 

 

“Uh-- You’re seeing him aren’t you?”  Was he talking to me?  Howie turned to look at me with raised eyebrows and Mel made no effort to hide her amused smirk.  

 

 

 

“No....”

 

 

 

“Well, I know that he’s with that blonde girl from the music video,  but you should know what after what you said about him on my show a couple months ago, the TRL fan boards blew up with speculation that he’s cheating on her with you.”  Oh great.  Now Leighanne Wallace was going to claw my eyes out.

 

 

 

“I had them deleted,” he said quickly.  Well, that explained why I still had my eyes 2+ months later.  “But why are you here, Howie?”

 

 

 

Howie’s eyes flashed in my direction as he bent down to put Lance in the floor.  The little dog promptly ran over to Carson’s feet and started pulling on the shoes strings of his Converse All-Stars with his teeth.  I gave him a little nod of approval.  “Actually, Carson, it’s not Brian that Em’s seeing-- it’s me.”   He crossed the room and placed his hand on the small of my back.

 

 

 

Carson’s mouth formed an “o” of recognition.  “I totally called that one a year ago,” he said with a wink.  “And, like I said before... Your secrets are safe with me.”  He shrugged and looked down at Cassie, who was still seated at the kitchen table basically being the silent observer.  “You want to go do something, Cassandra?  Just the two of us?”

 

 

 

“I’d love to.”  She stood up and grasped his hand as she followed him out the door.

 

 

 

“Do you believe him?”  Mel piped up once they were most likely out of earshot.  

 

 

 

“Not for a minute,” Chrissy snarled immediately.  “I don’t trust that guy and farther than I can throw him.”  (Which wasn’t very far.  She was really tiny.)  That made at least two of us.  

Chapter 46 by emily_michele


“You be good for your mama and stay in there while Daddy’s gone, okay, little buddy?” Kevin had taken to putting his hands on Amy’s belly and talking to it, which was both really cute and a little awkward, considering the lack of romantic involvement between the two.


“Kevin, stop worrying! My due date’s not for another three weeks, and Dr. Adler says first babies tend to be late. I bet he’ll come during the two weeks you guys have off between promoting the single and the album release,” she assured him.


Kevin looked up at her and grinned. “I hope so.”


“Well, I’m sure he’s in no hurry to put me out of my misery any time soon, so go to work, have fun, and chill out, okay?” she put her hands on her back for emphasis and blew a stray piece of hair out of her face. Kevin nodded and reluctantly stood up, slinging a bag over his shoulder.


He leaned down and planted a quick kiss on Amelia’s cheek, “Take care of yourself, okay?” Despite the fact that there were no romantic feelings between them, Kevin and Amelia had formed a great friendship, which was good, considering that soon they would become “Mommy and Daddy” to the same child.


“What else is there for me to do?” She gave him an exasperated sigh. Her frustration with the situation was definitely starting to get the best of her.


Kevin gave her a sympathetic little smile and turned around. “You ready, Howie?”


Howie leaned forward with his elbows on the kitchen table and stuck his face mere centimeters away from mine. “I’ll miss you,” he said before leaning in for a quick kiss. “It’s about to get crazy again.” They were flying out to Los Angeles to film the video for “I Want it That Way,” then embarking on a radio/TV station tour to promote the first single off their new album for the next two weeks. He had been making it a point to tell me how much he was going to miss me, but he couldn’t really hide his excitement either. The Backstreet Boys were getting really popular in the U.S., and the release of “Millennium” has the potential to shoot them into super-stardom. I was excited, too. We all were.


“Seventeen days,” I reminded him. “Then two weeks together before the crazy really starts,” I said, referring to the actual album release and world tour following it.


“Seventeen days,” he repeated with a nod. “I’m looking forward to those two weeks.” His mouth spread into a smile and he leaned in for another kiss-- this one much longer than the last.


“Ahem.” Kevin cleared his throat and pointed to his watch as we pulled away from each other and looked up at him.


Howie groaned and pushed his chair away from the table, standing up and slinging his own bag over his shoulder. “I’ll call you as soon as I land, okay?”


“I’m sure I’ll still be right here.” I rolled my eyes and gestured down to the open Biology book and pages of notes spread across the table. The break Forever had been forced to take due to Amelia’s pregnancy had been a good opportunity for me to take some classes, but with one more round of exams and finals quickly approaching after that, I feared that maybe I’d bitten off more than I could chew, and figured I’d be camped out in this spot all weekend. Cassie and Melissa were in New York visiting Carson (and whatever Mel was doing), and Chrissy was planning on moping around in her pajamas eating ice cream now that Nick was going out of town again. Come to think about it, ice cream sounded pretty awesome, and I knew for a fact that Kevin had dutifully stocked the freezer for Amelia just the day before.


“Love you!” Howie called out to me as he and Kevin walked out.



“Love you, too!”


Kevin pulled the door together, then immediately opened it back up and poked his head inside. “Call me if you need me,” he told Amelia, then turned to look at me. “Make her call me if anything happens. I’ll be on a plane back here ASAP.”


“I will, Kev,” I promised. “It’ll be fine! Now, go! Your flight leaves in an hour.”


He nodded and shut the door again. “Lock it!” he yelled. I got up and locked the deadbolt, then secured the chain. “Thank you!”


I giggled as I waltzed towards a kitchen drawer, pulled it open, and grabbed two spoons. Then, I opened the freezer door and peered inside. “Cookie dough or mint chocolate chip?” I asked aloud.


“Ooh! Mint chocolate chip!” Amy exclaimed excitedly. I grabbed a pint of mint chocolate chip and walked into the living room, then sat down beside her and handed her a spoon. “Great idea,” she remarked as I pried the lid off and offered her the first bite. She winced as she plunged her spoon into the pastel green confection.


“Amy?”


“Braxton Hicks,” she replied matter-of-factly. “I’ve been having them all week.” She licked the ice cream off the spoon and moaned. “Kevin always buys the good stuff.”


I shrugged and shoved my own spoon into the carton. “Any progress on picking out a name?”


Amelia frowned. “He really likes Michael, but it makes me think of Michael Hawthorne.” She shuddered dramatically and I laughed. Michael Hawthorne was this guy we’d gone to high school with. He and Amy had been really on-again, off-again through the years until she figured out he was doing the same with half the girls in school. “Is it weird that I want to name him Scott?”


I blinked in surprise. Hadn’t we just had a big conversation a few weeks ago about how they couldn’t name him after Kevin if they wanted to keep this under wraps? “Uh-- I like Scott, actually,” I replied honestly.


Amy smiled as she dipped her spoon into the ice cream carton again. “We haven’t done this in a while,” she remarked.


“We haven’t,” I agreed. She’d been my very best friend for basically my entire life, and we’d been sitting on couches sharing pints of ice cream for years. Now, here we were, twenty years old, singers in an up and coming pop group, one of us dating a Backstreet Boy, and the other nine months pregnant with the son of another Backstreet Boy. It was like we were living in some strange alternate reality, but still here we were, Amelia and Emily, just a couple of girls eating ice cream. It was nice.


The bottom of the carton appeared all too soon, and I went back to studying while she camped out in front of the television with the baby name book in hand. I was halfway through memorizing the Krebs Cycle when I heard her gasp. “Oh, no!”


“What?” I looked up from my notes to find her staring at me, her eyes wide in horror.


“Uh--” She was literally shaking.


“Amy, what is it?” I asked, jumping up from my chair.


“Well, uh--”


“What?!”


“Either I peed my pants or my water just broke.”
Chapter 47 by emily_michele
“Argh!” I slammed the new flip phone Howie had bought me shut and growled in frustration as my fifth call in a row to Kevin’s cell phone went to voicemail. Amelia yelped in pain and rubbed her side in the passenger seat, prompting me to press harder on the accelerator with my foot. “What time were they supposed to take off?” I asked.


Amy took in and let out a couple of deep breaths. “Two-thirty,” she gasped. I glanced at the indiglo clock on the dashboard and sighed. 2:32, but those things never took off on time, did they? “He must have already turned his phone off,” I said sadly.


“Try Howie,” she suggested.


I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of that. I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t turn off his own cell until the last possible moment, but as his phone rang once and went to voicemail, too, my heart dropped. “His is off, too.” Amelia’s bottom lip started to quiver. “But don’t worry,” I said cheerfully. “Labor usually lasts hours. They’ll be in the air until about 6:30 or 7. I’ll try again, then. He can still probably make it back here in time.” I don’t know why I thought that would make her feel better. She simply groaned at the prospect of enduring several more hours of this.


The traffic light in front of the hospital turned red as I approached it, and Amelia screamed as I tapped on the brake. It was one of the most terrifying sounds I'd ever heard in my life. I gasped and looked over at her with wide, fearful eyes. "Amy?"


Her eyes were clenched shut and she was doubled over with her chin against her chest and her hands splayed across her taut stomach. "It hurts!" she cried. " It really hurts."


I reached across the seat and gave her forearm a little squeeze. "We're almost there," I soothed. "Then we can get you an epidural. I hear those are really great." I slammed my foot on the accelerator as the light turned green and whizzed through the intersection and into the parking lot.


While a nurse examined Amelia in the ER and got her checked in, I called Chrissy, Mel, and Cassie to let them know what was going on. Chrissy said that she would drive in from Tampa as quick as she could, and Cassie and Mel were headed to the airport. Apparently, Carson wasn’t happy about it, but whatever. It’s not every day your best friend and roommate gives birth. Though I knew it was futile, I tried Kev’s cell phone one more time. I hung up dejectedly, and for a moment, considered calling my friend’s parents, but then decided that Amy was going to have to be the one to make that decision. Soon, a nurse and an orderly wheeled Amy out of the ER on a gurney headed towards the elevators. As if on cue, she cried out in pain, very effectively announcing her presence. I hurried alongside them, brushing her hair out of her red face. It was soaked with sweat, even though I, myself, was freezing in the hospital air conditioning. “Maybe you can get that epidural when we get up to your room. Won’t that be great?” I said cheerfully with a nervous smile.


“Oh, honey, there’s no time for an epidural,” the nurse informed us authoritatively. “She’s already at nine centimeters. By the time anesthesia would get there, she’ll be ready to push. I’m sorry, but it’s too late.” Amelia groaned in frustration and my heart sank for her.


Less than an hour later, she was in stirrups and I was standing at the head of the bed, cheering her along as she pushed. She screamed and fell back against the bed, breathless, as she limply let go of my hand. My hand was happy for the reprieve from her grip, and thankfully, I was starting to get some feeling back in it, but she scared me a little. “Amy?”


“I can’t do it anymore,” she panted. “It hurts so much. I’m so tired, Em.”


I sighed and put a wet washcloth on her hot forehead. “I don’t think you really have a choice, Amy,” I told her.


“Nope!” her doctor butted in from down below. “I can see his head, Amelia. Just give me a couple more big pushes, okay? Then we’ll have us a baby.”


She looked up at me, her bottom lip quivering. “I want my mom,” she whimpered. In a way, I totally understood where she was coming from. She was scared, vulnerable, and having a baby with no father there to witness it. If I’d been in the same situation, an understanding and reassuring hug from mom would have definitely made me feel better.


“Let’s call her when she has a grandbaby to hear about, okay?” I placed my left hand in hers and pushed her back up to a sitting position with my right. “Let’s do this.” She clenched her teeth in determination and tucked her chin to her chest as she pushed one more time, screaming out in pain as she did so. One more push, and there was a wiggly, screaming, gooey, red baby in the doctor’s gloved hands. It was both the grossest and most amazing thing I’d ever seen.


Two hours later, while an exhausted Amelia slept in her bed and a little pink baby boy who looked just like Kevin Richardson slept in a clear plastic bassinet beside her, my phone rang. It was Kevin. I picked it up off the bedside table and slipped out of the room and into the hallway so I didn’t disturb them. “Hey,” I answered.


“Why do I have thirteen missed calls from you?” he asked frantically.


“He’s beautiful, Kevin,” I gushed.


“You were supposed to call me if anything happened!” he roared.


“I did! Thirteen times!” I reminded him. “I was planning on calling you as soon as you landed-- you made good time, by the way. We hoped you’d be able to make it back here in time, but it all happened so fast, Kev. Her water broke while she was sitting on the couch about an hour after you left, and we came straight to the hospital, and she was already nine centimeters. Truth be told, I don’t think those were Braxton Hicks contractions that she was having last night.”


Kevin groaned. “You’re probably right.” He paused. “Is he okay? I mean, he’s a little early. How’s Amy?”


“They’re both great! Both sleeping right now. The baby’s a little small, but the pediatrician says he’s perfect!” I assured him.


“Crap.”


I furrowed my brows in confusion. “What?”


“Fans. Tons of ‘em.” He sighed. “I have to go, but go home and get the webcam and laptop I bought Amelia last month and bring them to the hospital. I’ll call you back soon, okay?”


********************

“Howie, I have no idea what I’m doing,” I whined into the cell phone I was holding between my ear and my shoulder as I fumbled with the mess of cords spread out across Amelia’s hospital bed.


“Is the ethernet cable plugged in?”


“Which one’s the ethernet cable?”


“The blue one.”


I looked at the cords sprawled across the bed, then checked the back of the laptop that was sitting open on the bedside table, then checked the floor to make sure I hadn’t dropped something. “What blue one? There’s no blue one.”


“Uh- yellow?”


“Yes!” I grabbed the yellow cord and plugged it into the computer. “Now where does it go?”


“Check the wall beside the bed. There should be a plug-in that looks like a phone jack, but wider,” he said calmly.


I crouched down beside the bed. “Got it!”


“Now, open up the webcam program and make sure the light on the camera is on.” I did what he said, and voila! There was my boyfriend’s handsome face on the computer screen.


“Hey! I see you!” I said excitedly.


“Hey, babe.”


“Where’s Kevin?” Howie moved out of the way, and Kevin came into view. He was sitting on a chair in what I assume must have been an airport conference room of some sort, because they hadn’t really had time to go anywhere else. The rest of the guys were just a little ways behind him. He smiled, bouncing one leg up and down nervously as he leaned towards the camera. I made sure it was positioned on Amelia and the baby, and sat back to watch.


“Here he is!” Amy cooed excitedly, cradling the sleeping baby and leaning forward a little herself. Kevin immediately stood up and crouched down in front of the webcam, as if he were going to get a close view. “Five pounds, thirteen ounces, twenty inches tall, and check out that hair!” She pulled off the little blue cap to reveal that Baby Boy Richardson had a head full of straight black hair, just like his daddy.


Kevin raised one hand to his cheek, and his mouth opened slightly in awe of the sight before him. “He’s so handsome….” he cooed back. “I have a son!” he announced excitedly. “Hey guys! Come see my boy!” The rest of the Backstreet Boys gathered around, each of their faces filling the screen around Kevin’s.


“Oh, he’s cute!” Brian exclaimed. “Hey there, little buddy!” He gave a little finger wave. “I’m your cousin, Brian!”


“I’m your uncle, Nick!”


“I’m Howie.”


“And I’m AJ.” Then AJ looked up from the baby and stared straight at Amelia. “He’s gorgeous, Amy. Congratulations,” he said softly.


“Thanks, Alex,” she answered with a smile.


“I’m a dad!” Kevin said happily, his green eyes shining with pride. Then, all of a sudden, he got this scared look in his eyes and backed away slowly. “Oh my God, I’m a father.” He slumped back into the chair and stared at Amy and the baby, dumbfounded, as he gulped down the lump that rose in his throat.


Howie stooped down beside him and gave him a hearty pat on the back. “And you’re going to be a great one!” he said cheerfully.


Amy pursed her lips and cocked her head to the side thoughtfully. “I had that moment, too. Right after they placed him in my arms. It’s-- overwhelming. I know.”


“I missed it,” Kevin said to no one in particular. “I can’t believe I missed it.” He buried his face in his hands and groaned. Then, he stood up abruptly. “I’m going to see if I can get a flight back to Orlando,” he told Amy. “I don’t care if we’re supposed to shoot a video in the morning. We just had a baby!” He headed for the door, his bodyguard hot on his heels.


“Uh, Kev?”


“Yeah, Brian?”


Brian gulped nervously. “They’re shutting down a terminal here at LAX for us tomorrow.”


“Yeah. So?”


Kevin’s cousin placed a hand on his arm gently. “So… I’m not sure we’ll be able to make that happen again soon enough for the single release.”


“Oh.” You might as well have just told Kevin that the world was ending.


A few hours later, after Cassie, Mel, and Chrissy had made their visits and left again, he showed up in Amy’s room carrying a bouquet of flowers and a little blue teddy bear. “I chartered a private jet,” he told us. “I’ll go back early in the morning.” It was such a rock star thing to do, but I couldn’t blame him at all for dropping so much money in one fail swoop. The look on that man’s face when he saw his son for the first time in person was priceless. Then, when Amy placed him in Kevin’s arms, he cried. I know you’re shocked. I slipped out while they discussed what they were going to name him.

Scott Ewan Richardson became the best kept secret of 1999. Kevin slipped in and out of the hospital and flew back to Los Angeles without any media detection, and we took the baby home a couple days later without a single camera in our faces. Still, though, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being followed.
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