Chapter 1

It’s the screaming; the constant, overbearing wailing of the woman who is supposed to love and cherish me--of the woman who I am supposed to love and cherish-- until death do us part. It's never-ending. It's nauseating. It follows me from room to room as I try to escape the noise and continues as I climb the stairs two at a time and pull my already-packed suitcases out of the closet and throw them onto the bed.

“So, you're not even going to try to fix this? You're just going to leave and ignore everything that I've been saying to you all afternoon?” Leighanne, my wife of almost ten years, yells to the back of my head.

Still in silence, I unzip my suitcase to make sure that I have everything that I need. Technically, I'm not running away. I'm supposed to leave for a worldwide tour with my singing group, the Backstreet Boys, tomorrow, but after a day like today—or rather after a year like the year my wife and I have been having—I figure that it can't hurt to leave a day early.

“Brian!” Leighanne continues to scream. “Say something! Say anything! You can't just leave and expect everything to work itself out. Life doesn't work that way!”

I inhale deeply and hold the air deep in my lungs. I don't want to say the words that are on the tip of my tongue. I don't want to make the possibilities--of this marriage being over, of my not even wanting to try anymore, of my simply wanting silence--into reality.

“So, that's it,” Leighanne lets out a shaky breath as she tries to hold back her tears. “You're going to just leave. You're going to skip away to Europe or Asia or where ever you're going to play with your friends while I'm here waiting until you miss me enough or get sick of the sausage fest and call me to meet you. Is that right?”

A small chuckle escapes my lips, and then another until I am doubled over in laughter with salty tears running down my cheeks. I don't know if the tears are because of the nonsensical hilarity of the situation or if they are because of the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that the one thing in my life that was never supposed to end is really over. When I start to sob uncontrollably, I know that it's because of the latter.

After it seems like I haven't looked at her in ages, I finally turn to Leighanne with tear-streaked cheeks. Her lips are pursed and she's shaking her head slowly from side to side, choking back her own tears. She's not a stupid woman. She knows what I'm thinking, partly because she knows me better than anyone else and partly because my thoughts are mirroring her own and she doesn't want me to say the words. Leighanne, like myself, doesn't want to hear them out loud. She doesn't want to make the situation that we are facing into reality.

I lick my trembling bottom lip slowly and exhale.

“I can't do this anymore,” I whisper in a harsh, raspy tone. “I can't fight like this. I can't stand the misery and the tears and the complete lack of everything that a marriage is supposed to be about. I can’t do it.”

“Stop it. Stop it right now,” Leighanne growls through clenched teeth. She grabs the tops of my arms and gives me a small shake like you would a misbehaving five-year-old. “This was not a part of the plan, Brian. You are not giving up! WE are not giving up. We belong together. Do you hear me?”

I nod because I do hear her, but then I shake my head because at this point I just don't think that I agree anymore.

 Without saying another word, I drag my suitcases off of the bed. They land on the floor with a thump, and I pull the handles out until they click into place. I step around Leighanne and pull my suitcases down the stairs.

Leighanne is one step behind me. She now has tears streaming down her face.

“Wait,” she pants as she chases after me into the foyer. “Wait.”

Facing the front door, I close my eyes and shake my head. I don’t want to look at her; I don’t want to see the pain that I’ve caused.

“I have to go,” I say, more for my own benefit than for hers.

Hearing her cry breaks my heart. It always has. I turn around slowly and feel my heart drop to my knees as I see the anguished look on her face.

“You can't go. If you leave now, this will never work. We'll never be able to fix this. You'll be gone for months. We won't be able to survive that,” Leighanne wails desperately. “Please, don't go.”

I close my eyes and wipe away the remainder of the tears that are dripping down my cheeks. “Even if I don't leave now, I still have to leave tomorrow. This has been a long time coming. One day isn't going to make the difference.”

“Then don't go at all,” Leighanne replies softly, knowing that she’s grasping at invisible straws. “The album didn't even sell that well. You can push the tour back. Just stay with me.”

I clench my jaw. I can't help but to be angry by her suggestion. The worst part about it is that though she knows that I’d never push aside my work obligations, she honestly wants me to simply stay put and fight with her for the entire summer as a masked attempt to mix our completely broken marriage

“I don't know how you could ask me to do that. I can't just call in sick, Leighanne, and I'm not giving up the one thing that has made kept me happy.” I turn around and swing the door opened. Leighanne remains quiet as I pull my suitcases down the path and then load them into the trunk of the car.

As I unlock the driver's side door and pull the handle to let myself in, Leighanne sprints down the cobblestone path. “Stop it. Stop this! Brian, I love you, damn it! Don't you love me anymore?”

I turn toward her slowly and gaze into her glazed, tear-filled blue eyes. I can't make myself say the words. I can't even nod or shake my head, because the truth is, though I know that I love her, I don't know if I am in love with her anymore. I wrap my hand into the silky blond strands of her hair and pull her head close to my own. I kiss her forehead softly and then her cheek as I whisper a final goodbye into her ear.

A fresh set of tears blur my vision as I back my car down the driveway. The tinging of the pebbles that Leighanne throws at my leaving car echoes in my ears. I give a final glance back as I turn the corner just in time to see my wife crumble and fall to the ground. As soon as my car is out of sight of my house, I pull over and I, too, crumble under the weight of heartbreak and failure.

------

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.

Brian sat straight up in bed startled by the sudden buzzing of the alarm clock on the bedside table. Obviously shaken by the tangibility of his nightmare, sweat matted his blond curls to his head and drenched his white t-shirt.

Squinting in the darkness that embodied his surroundings, Brian reached over and turned on the lamp that stood next to the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was then that he realized why he was feeling so uneasy. He was in an unfamiliar hotel room, thousands of miles from home with no real intent ever to go back to the life that he had lived only a few short months earlier. His nightmare felt real, because it was real. It was the secret that had been haunting him throughout the first twelve weeks of the tour. He had left his wife.

Sure, he had only left for the tour a day early and all of his things were still in their rightful places—as far as he knew, anyway—in the home that he had shared with Leighanne in Georgia, but he had more or less made a decision. He wasn't going back to her.

It was agonizing. He tried to make himself change his mind, but he always came to the same conclusion. He couldn't live trapped in a loveless marriage. He wouldn't succumb to the misery that had become the core of his existence.

The first couple of years that he and Leighanne had been married had been great. He was still working pretty steadily. They traveled the world together while Brian made records and Leighanne continued to pursue her acting career. To help her out, Brian made small appearances in a couple of Leighanne's movies, but her career never took off.

It seemed to be fine. Brian had made plenty of money for the both of them and they were perfectly content simply being together. Then, Brian's career slowed down as he and the other Backstreet Boys decided to take a much-needed break. After a year of sitting at home with nothing to do, Brian went back to work recording a Christian album.

As he made contacts in the Christian world, he started to travel again, but this time Leighanne wasn't interested in traveling with him. In fact, she wanted him to give up his music career altogether.

Leighanne had always been pretty level-headed. She understood that Brian's music career was what afforded her the lifestyle to which she had become accustomed. For reasons unknown to Brian, however, Leighanne was suddenly insecure about their relationship and they started to fight about the simplest of things.

To his wife’s credit, she tried to talk to Brian about the way that things had changed. A lot of times, rather than dealing with the problems in their marriage, Brian would hole himself up in the studio and find ways to block everything out.

A couple of years earlier, the Backstreet Boys decided to record another album and go on another tour. They had all missed the success that they had once shared and while it was hard for the men to talk about their feelings for each other, they missed one another as well. For a while things seemed to get better, but that was mostly because Brian and Leighanne didn't see each other for weeks on end. There was no time to fight. Leighanne joined him in the middle of the Never Gone tour and stayed until the end. Almost immediately upon returning home, where there were no appearances to keep, the fighting started again. It was one thing after another until finally they couldn't even look at each other without an unyielding feeling of contempt.

Within a few months of the Never Gone tour ending, the Backstreet Boys started to record their next album. Again, Brian was back and forth to LA, but this time the distance did nothing to help their marital problems. In fact, the fighting only worsened as Leighanne started to believe that Brian’s career was more important to him than she was. At that point, in many ways, she was right. Only because his career was the only stable constant in his life. He didn't know how to fix his marriage, but he knew that he could sing. Naively, Brian believed that he and Leighanne were going through a rough patch and that it would all fix itself. The reality of the situation was that he and Leighanne only continued to grow further and further apart.

When Brian left home three months earlier, he changed his flight to Japan—where the tour was set to kick off—and arrived a day earlier that the rest of the Boys. When he got settled into his hotel room, he finally called home. Leighanne picked up after only one ring.

“I'm glad that you called,” Leighanne whispered hoarsely, her voice scratchy from the hours of crying.

“Yeah,” Brian replied, softly. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He could hear in her voice that she had been crying and he hated that. Her tears were what always brought him back. Now, he was glad that he was across the world. “We need to talk.”

“I've been telling you that for weeks,” Leighanne snapped.

Brian shook his head slowly, though he knew that Leighanne couldn’t see him. Already, he was frustrated and wanted to hang up. “I don't know that now, when our marriage is falling apart, if it's a great time to be confrontational.”

“I'm not trying to be confrontational,” Leighanne replied, her voice wavering, “and don't say that our marriage is falling apart.”

“Okay, then,” Brian responded softly. “What would you call it?”

“We're just going through something, but we love each other and we can make this work,” Leighanne replied as she broke under the pressure. Tears that she didn’t know she had left began to pour from her eyelids. “I know that we can.”

“Leigh, listen,” Brian paused briefly, not knowing how to verbalize his thoughts. He’d had a long flight to think over his decision. When he’d arrived, he’d stopped thinking and started putting plans into motion. “Leigh, I-I talked to our lawyer yesterday and-”

“I’m not signing any divorce papers, Brian! I'm not giving up on us,” Leighanne had snapped without giving Brian the opportunity to finish his sentence.

In Georgia, Leighanne was trembling wildly. She couldn't lose Brian. He was the love of her life, her everything. She wasn't letting him go. Their relationship had been the stuff that fairy tales were made of. Admittedly, the last couple of years had been hard, but not hard enough to throw everything else away.

“I'm not asking you to, but I think that we should separate—for a while, until we can see if there's even anything left to salvage.” Brian didn't mean to be so cold. He was just so tired, exhausted by the years' worth of emotional baggage that he'd had to carry around with him.

“Separated?” Leighanne spat into the phone. “You're across the world, Brian. How much more separated can we get?”

“I'm not going to be across the world forever, Leighanne,” Brian snapped back. “When I get back home, I don't want to have to come back to that house, to those problems. If there's any hope for this marriage at all, we need to work on things at a distance before we can try in the same space.”

“So what? You'll come home from a world tour and sleep in hotel rooms? You'll date other women and expect me to date other men? You want a trial separation to make sure that there's nothing better out there?” Leighanne yelled in response. “Well, let me tell you something, Brian. There IS no one out there better for you than me!”

“This has nothing to do with wanting to see other people!” This conversation was already giving Brian a headache. “I just don't want to be unhappy anymore, and I doubt that you want to be unhappy either! It's just a separation, Leighanne. That's it.”

“Whatever, Brian,” Leighanne snapped angrily. “Whatever you want. If 5,000 miles worth of separation isn't enough for you, then I'll sign your stupid papers, but I'm not going to wait for you to come around forever. Whatever you're going through, fix it before it's too late.”

And then, she hung up. Just like that, Brian and Leighanne were going to be legally separated and they hadn't spoken since.

Brian knew that Leighanne was waiting for him to call, but every time that he picked up the phone to do so, he couldn't bring himself to follow through. Sadly enough, he was hoping that when he finally did call, Leighanne would have followed up on her threat and it would have been too late.

Chapter 2

“Come on, Alex. Let me come visit,” Noelle McLean insisted to her older brother over the phone. “I came all the way out to California to visit you and you're thousands of miles away.”

In his hotel room across the world, AJ reached over and turned off the alarm clock before it had a chance to ring. This morning, his sister had been his wake up call.

He laughed softly as their unexpected conversation continued, “Noelle, all you had to do was ask dad if I was in town. He would have known.”

“Yeah, well, you and dad have never really been on the best speaking terms, so who knows if you're talking or not his week?” Noelle rolled her eyes and flopped back onto AJ's sofa in the living room of the house that she had let herself into. “I'm a big girl Alex. You were ten years younger than I am now when you starting touring with the Backstreet Boys. I can pay my own way if that's the problem.”

“Of course that's not the problem,” AJ responded. “We're just really busy out here. We're not just doing concerts. We've got appearances and press and photo shoots.”

“Fine,” Noelle replied as she smirked to herself and let out an exaggerated sigh. “I'll just go back to school. I'll be alone on that big, empty campus because my brother—the brother that I have just reconnected with after years of living separate lives—doesn't want me around.”

“Fine, Noelle,” AJ replied as he laughed at her not-so-subtle antics. “You win. I'll send a ticket to the airport. We’re leaving for Germany in a few days and we’ll be there for about a week. I'm just warning you, you'll have to entertain yourself a large part of the time. Do you have a passport?”

“I do!” Noelle replied, enthusiastically. “Thanks, Alex. I'm really excited! I've never been to Europe!”

“Which only makes me that much more worried about bringing you out here alone,” AJ responded, though secretly, he was going to be glad for the company.

“I'll be good, I promise.”

“Yeah right,” AJ teased with a smirk as he finally climbed out of the warmth of his bed and sauntered over to the bathroom. “I might not know much, but I know that you being good is a long shot. Why are you even up right now? It’s 1 a.m. and it’s Wednesday.”

“It’s not 1, it’s 10,” Noelle corrected quickly. “And what did you mean about me not being good? What did dad tell you?”

AJ let out a small, confused chuckle. “I was only kidding. Dad didn’t tell me anything, though that sounds kind of suspicious. Is everything okay?”

Noelle exhaled a sigh of relief. She had the whole state of Florida judging her; the last thing that she needed was Alex judging her, too. “Yeah, everything’s good. Dad just likes to overreact about everything. You know.”

AJ shrugged from where he stood in front of the bathroom mirror. He really didn’t know. He sighed and ran a hand through his thinning hair. “I guess. Let’s get back to this ‘it’s not 1, it’s 10,’ thing. Where the hell are you?”

“I’m at your house,” Noelle replied sheepishly.

“At my house?” AJ asked. The one thing about Noelle that AJ could certainly appreciate was that she always kept him on his toes. “What are you doing at my house?”

“I told you that I came out to California to visit,” Noelle replied. “We just had this conversation. Do you not want me at your house? I can leave.”

“No, you can stay. I guess I just thought that you were back at home or something. I don’t know,” AJ paused to turn on the water in the shower. “Look Noah, I need to go. I’m running late and the other guys are going to be pissed if I make them wait for too long.”

“They’re not going to mind that I’m meeting up with you, right?” Noelle was going on vacation. The one thing that she didn’t want was awkwardness.

“No, not at all. They’ll be excited to meet you,” AJ answered as he penciled in the gaps in his beard. “Stay at my place as long as you want. Your plane ticket will be waiting for you at LAX. I’ll call you back with the details.”

“Thank you, Alex,” Noelle responded softly. “I really need to get away.”

AJ paused for a second at the tone of his sister’s voice. “Are you sure that everything is okay?”

“Everything’s great, I promise,” Noelle replied, though that wasn’t exactly true. “I love you, Alex. I’ll see you soon.”

Seconds later, Noelle and AJ were off the phone. Noelle threw her cell phone down on the coffee table and collapsed onto AJ’s black leather couch.

The truth was that Noelle had known that AJ was in Europe. She was a good sister. She followed the Backstreet Boys on Twitter. Sure, she wouldn’t have been able to pick any of them—other than AJ, of course—out of a line up, but she at least knew where he was in the world.

Growing up, Noelle hadn’t been a Backstreet Boys fan strictly out of principle. AJ had made a sport out of bashing her father back in the day and Noelle had been the one to get crap for it from his overzealous fans, who happened to be her classmates. However, when AJ got out of rehab, he tried to reconnect with their father. Though the attempt hasn’t gone that well for father and son, Noelle and AJ had managed to bond as she’d gotten older—mostly by long phone conversations and online chats via Skype.

It was hard for AJ to visit Florida for obvious reasons; between recording sessions and touring the world he came down as often as he could. It was hard for Noelle to visit AJ in California because she was in medical school at the University of Florida. Rather, she had been in medical school at the University of Florida until she made the biggest mistake of her short lived career and started sleeping with her married professor, Dr. Robert Matheson.

Rob had sworn that he was leaving his wife and that she knew that the marriage was over. Noelle had been as professional as she could have been in such a situation; she’d waited until she was no longer in Rob’s classes. However, one thing led to another. She fell in love with him, she believed all of this lies; she thought that they would be together forever.

The relationship lasted for close to two years. Rob kept swearing that he was going to leave his wife and Noelle continued to believe him. At some point, Rob’s wife got suspicious of his cheating. She hired a private investigator and got her proof. One evening, she purposely came home from a conference and found Noelle and Rob together—in bed. As it turned out, Noelle wasn’t the first of Rob’s romances with college-aged women and she probably wasn’t going to be the last.

Noelle had been charmed by a snake. Rob was older, wiser. He had a distinguished career in fertility and obstetrics research, the exact field that Noelle wanted to specialize in. She trusted him.

The affair was only worsened by the fact that Rob’s wife is the Dean of Medicine at the University of Florida—Dean Meredith Stevens.

Rob and Dean Stevens tried their best to keep their work and home lives separate. At first, Noelle didn’t have any idea that Dean Stevens was Rob’s wife. It wasn’t until the first of the few weekends that the dean was out of town and Rob brought Noelle back to his home that Noelle realized to whom Rob was married. Noelle tried to end it then and there, but she found that she was already in too deep. She listened to Rob as he told her to sweat it out, graduate and then--when there would be no repercussions--they would be together for the world to see.

Needless to say, when Dean Stevens found out about Rob’s affair with Noelle, she had no hang-ups about kicking Noelle out of the program. At this point, Noelle had ended her affair with Rob and she wasn’t going down without a fight. She went above Dean Stevens’ head to both the Vice President and President of the school to no avail. Noelle was still dismissed from Gatortown with nothing but a tarnished name and reputation and a Bachelor’s Degree in Biology, which was more or less useless without a doctorate to back it up.

Rob got a slap on the wrist and a one-semester paid suspension.

It didn’t seem right, but Noelle was learning quickly that it was true that life’s not fair.

Though Noelle knew that she could confide in AJ, she probably wouldn’t. What she was glad for now was that he had unknowingly given her a chance to escape the judgmental eyes of an industry that she still loved and the embarrassment she felt by becoming ‘that girl’; that stupid girl who people assumed tried to sleep her way to the top.

She didn’t take all of the blame off of herself, but the way that Rob had completely let her take the blame for both of their decisions had devastated her.

Noelle’s phone began to vibrate in her hands. The picture of the man that she had once sworn to have loved—the man that swore to have loved her—flashed on the small screen. He called often. Every time she saw the smiling face that she used to think was beautiful, she had the same reaction; she could feel the burning rush of bile rising in her throat as she hit ‘ignore.’

There was one thing that Noelle knew for sure. She was never going to put herself into that position again, even if that meant being alone forever.

The rented Backstreet Boys tour bus stopped in Germany around lunch time. Suspiciously quiet, the Boys exited the bus and entered through the back entrance of a restaurant at which the four remaining members had agreed to eat. They all stretched out their bus-ride induced kinks before sitting down at the white clothed table.

For Brian, the days were passing by in a blur. When he wasn’t putting on a show—pretending to be happy, hamming it up for the crowd—he was in his hotel room either asleep or simply driving himself crazy in his own mind. He put on a brave front, but the truth was that he was incredibly depressed. Realizing that your marriage is over—the one thing that you have put all of your faith into, the one thing that has occupied the majority of your attention and energy, the one thing in life that isn’t supposed to end—is humiliating and unbelievably painful.

Finally, the tour was going to be stopping for a while. They had a couple of German television shows to interview with and a couple of appearances to show up for, but a good part of the time would be their own. Though to Brian, the time off was bittersweet—sweet because he wouldn’t have to live a lie, bitter because it gave him more time to himself to think. It was getting easier to wonder if he was making the right decision, mostly because he didn’t have Leighanne around to argue with. There was finally peace.

However, in the end Brian would always remember. He would remember the suffocation that he felt when he was trapped in his own home. He would remember the sheer torment of Leighanne calling his name from across the house just to yell at him about something else. He would remember the annoyance that he felt over all of the quirks he used to love about his wife. He would remember the misery as he forgot every single reason why he fell in love with her in the first place.

Eventually, Nick broke into the silence surrounding the small table.

“So, Bri,” he started slowly as he popped a bite into his mouth. “Is Leighanne meeting you out here this week?”

The unexpectedness of Nick’s question startled Brian. He dropped his fork to the glass plate with a clang and then cleared his throat.

“Did I ask something wrong?” Nick continued, confused. He glanced pointedly at AJ and then Howie. “Did I not get the memo or something?”

Brian licked his bottom lip slowly and continued to stare down at his plate. If he made eye contact, Nick would know that he wasn’t telling the whole truth. He picked up his fork and started to move the remaining food mindlessly around his plate. “No, man. You didn’t ask anything wrong, I was just thinking about something else and you startled me. Um, no, she’s not meeting us. She’s staying home this time around.”

“So, she’ll be joining up with us when we get back the U.S.?” AJ followed up suspiciously. He was usually more perceptive when it came to Brian than the others were. This was probably the reason for their sometimes-tumultuous relationship.

Brian sighed. “I don’t know. I guess. She’s kind of got some things going on for herself these days.”

AJ nodded, but continued to look on skeptically. He knew when it was time to let things go.

Howie, on the other hand, had to make sure that his friend was okay. “Brian, is everything all right? Things okay with Leighanne and everything?”

“Yeah. Things are great,” Brian replied, trying his best to smile. “Like I said, she’s just got her own things goin’ on.”

Brian didn’t know why he felt like he couldn’t confide in his group mates. If anyone was going to understand his and Leighanne’s relationship and the pressure that they were under, it was his best friends. Brian sighed and closed his eyes.

Just as he was about to speak up, AJ broke in, “So, my sister is flying in tomorrow night.”

It was obvious to AJ that Brian was getting uncomfortable and if things really were bad at home, that was really none of the others’ business unless Brian chose to be open about it.

“Your sister?” Nick asked, surprise etched onto his face. “Really? That’s… interesting.”

“What’s interesting about it? Your sisters came out when we were in Japan,” AJ replied defensively.

“It’s nothing like that,” Nick responded quickly. “It’s just that it seemed like you wanted to keep her at a distance. None of us have ever met her, right?”

AJ shrugged. “Noelle is my dad’s daughter. We didn’t grow up together. Things were weird for a while. I guess I kind of resented her because dad actually stuck around for her, but over the last few years we’ve been talking a lot and I go to Florida when I can. She’s smart. She’s a med student at UF. I guess she needs a break. She asked to come out, so I agreed.”

“You need someone to go to the airport with you to pick her up?” Howie offered.

AJ shook his head. “No, I’m doing a showcase of my solo stuff tomorrow night, so she’s just going to get a shuttle to the hotel and meet up with me later or something.”

“Cool,” Nick replied, nodding his head slowly. “It’ll be good to get a little bit of a female perspective around here.”

AJ narrowed his eyes in Nick’s direction. “No, Nick.”

“What?” Nick asked. A mischievous glint flashed in his eyes.

“You know what,” AJ replied. “Just no.”

Brian allowed a small chuckle to escape his lips. He couldn’t remember the last time that he laughed for real, and it felt good. That small hint of joy sent a rush of warmth running through his ice-cold veins and he shivered.

AJ glanced at Brian curiously, but looked away before Brian could see him staring. AJ wasn’t sure what, but something wasn’t right with his friend. Whether Brian realized it or not, AJ could see the strain that Brian and Leighanne’s marriage was under. At one point, they were the picture of wedded bliss and everything that AJ wanted in his life. AJ didn’t know what was going on behind closed doors, but sometimes Brian looked like a ghost of himself. Hopefully, whatever Brian was going through wasn’t more serious than he was letting on.

***

Noelle arrived to Hamburg, Germany at 8 o’clock the night after AJ and the others had arrived. The flight was 13 intolerable hours long and her legs were stiff from sitting. As she walked to the luggage claim, her bones creaked as if she were 80-years-old.

Noelle grabbed her bags off of the luggage carousel and walked out of the double-sliding doors to the pickup area. She knew that AJ wasn’t going to be meeting her at the airport, but she had never taken the language barrier into consideration. Suddenly, she felt like an utterly stupid American.

Noelle set her bag upright on the wet pavement. It was also raining. Her luck really looked like it was changing over here in Europe. She shook her head slowly and looked up toward the heavens.

“God,” she whispered to herself. “Do you really feel the need to keep punishing me? I get it. Sleeping with a married man was bad.”

An old man in a black suit approached Noelle slowly.

“Excuse me, Miss?” he asked with a thick German accent.

Noelle turned toward him and smiled embarrassedly. “I’m sorry. I was just—“

“Yes, praying.” The man smiled to her kindly. “Are you Noelle McLean?”

Noelle nodded slowly. “I am.”

“Your brother, Alex, has sent a car for you back to our hotel.” He handed her a pixilated version of a picture that Alex must have taken off of her Facebook page. “He gave me this so that I would recognize you.”

Noelle breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. “Thank you. Thank God one of us was thinking.” Noelle laughed to herself.

The old man nodded and pointed down at her bags. “Are these your suitcases?”

Noelle nodded and thanked the man again as he led her to a white conversion van that had the hotel’s name and logo painted onto the side in red. She climbed inside and settled herself in a corner next to the window.

Noelle took in the fresh German atmosphere during the short ride to the hotel. Already, she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She was ready to venture out into a world that didn’t know her from any other tourist. She was ready to be a 25-year-old woman in the world. She was ready to forget Rob Matheson and everything about the life that she thought that she was living with him.

Noelle breathed a sigh of relief. She was finally ready to pick up the pieces and live her life again.

Anger flushed Brian’s cheeks as he paced the length of his hotel room. He didn’t know why this was bothering him so much. Leighanne was going on a date. So what? He wanted this separation and everything that was going to come with it. He wanted her to move on, didn’t he?

It wasn’t the fact that she was going on a date. It was the fact that she seemed to be doing it simply to punish him and flaunt it at him. If she thought that this was the way to get him back, she was wrong. Way, way wrong.

She got herself all dolled up and then sent him a picture—obviously taken by someone else—of herself and her date dancing at a local restaurant that they used to frequent as a young married couple. Brian clenched his jaw as he re-read her message.

This is what separation looks like. I hope that you’re enjoying your decision.

Brian shook his head and threw his phone down onto the bed as he walked past it. Leighanne knew that he was too busy to date now even if he wanted to—not that he did. She was trying to make him jealous. She was playing games. Brian hated games. He wished that this whole thing could just be easy. He wished that if a relationship wasn’t meant to be that God would never let it happen in the first place.

He still didn’t understand why he was so angry. He didn’t know if he should take this as a sign that maybe he wasn’t as ready to end his marriage as he thought that he was. The thought of Leighanne kissing another man, or worse, was nauseating.

Brian could almost picture another man’s lips on Leighanne’s mouth and then moving down to kiss that spot under her ear that drove her crazy. He could almost see her long legs wrapped around another man’s waist. He could almost hear her scream another man’s name.

Suddenly, it felt like the walls were closing in around him. Brian shook his head to clear the thoughts. He grabbed his room key off of the bedside table and exited his room as quickly as he could. It was late and he had an early morning the next morning, but God help him, he needed a drink.

Brian hurried to the hotel bar and took a seat. The bartender greeted him, and Brian ordered a beer. He finished that one quickly and then ordered another… and then another until he could finally understand just what it was that AJ used to love about that feeling. And then, he ordered another.

A couple of hours into his drinking binge, a young brunette took the seat next to him at the bar. She smiled flirtatiously. Brian smiled back awkwardly and then turned back to the beer that was on the bar in front of him. The woman ordered something fruity-looking, took a sip, and then turned back to Brian.

“So, what’s a good-looking guy like you sitting down here at the bar all by yourself?”

Brian smiled and chuckled to himself. “Even good-looking guys need to escape.”

The brunette nodded and took another sip of her drink. “I can understand that.”

“What about you? Beautiful women need to escape sometimes, too?” Brian asked softly.

The woman shrugged. “I’m more running away than escaping.”

“Should I be worried about that?” Brian asked with raised eyebrows and a hint of a smile in his eyes.

She shook her head and laughed. “I wouldn’t be. I’m pretty gentle.”

Brian laughed softly as he finished off his beer.

“That’s good to know.” He extended his hand across his body to introduce himself. “I’m Brian.”

“Noelle,” she replied softly. “It’s nice to meet you. What are you in Germany for?”

“Business,” Brian replied quickly. “You?”

Noelle laughed softly to herself before replying, “Pleasure.”

Brian smiled and tore his gaze away from Noelle’s deep blue eyes. “I wouldn’t have guessed,” he joked sarcastically. “Where are you from?”

Noelle shook her head. “That’s against the rules.”

“I didn’t know that we were playing a game.” Brian smiled. He was already beyond the point of wondering what he had gotten himself into.

“There’s always some kind of game going on, isn’t there?” Noelle replied softly. The bartender approached just then noticing that Noelle’s glass was close to being empty. “How about a couple of shots for my friend and I? Something hard.”

The bartender nodded and walked away.

“Are you trying to get me drunk, lady?” Brian teased playfully.

Noelle raised her eyebrows. “I think that you’re doing a pretty good job of that yourself.”

The bartender brought the shots back and placed one in front of each of them. “Ready?”

Brian nodded and smiled to himself. No, he wasn’t acting like a 30-something-year old married man, but right then that was okay with him. They tapped the shot glasses against the bar three times and then downed the liquor easily.

“Ah,” Brian groaned and the burning liquid ran down to his stomach. He then raised the glass to the bartender and signaled for two more.

Brian and Noelle downed shot after shot until the world around them blurred. Neither of them was used to this kind of drinking. Noelle had given up the college-party lifestyle once she was in medical school; Brian had just given it up out of age. It felt nice to be able to let loose again.

At last call, they ordered one last shot and then Brian paid the bill. He stumbled when he tried to stand up and then laughed like it was the most hilarious thing that he had ever done. Noelle did the same when she attempted to stand, but in her red, high-heeled shoes she was unable to catch herself; she fell right into Brian’s arms. They both giggled like school children for a moment until they caught each other’s eye. A shot of electricity ran through Brian. He brushed Noelle’s long bangs off of her forehead and then traced the contours of her lips gently with his thumb.

Noelle, never the one for drunken subtlety, wrapped her arms around Brian’s neck and kissed him, softly at first and then with a growing intensity and passion. Even drunk, the warmth that Noelle felt running through her was like nothing that she had ever felt.

Brian pulled away slowly and then leaned down to peck her lips once again. “It’s been fun, Noelle.”

Noelle nodded and reluctantly let go of Brian’s neck. “It doesn’t have to end, you know.”

Brian nodded slowly, pained by how quickly he was sobering up. “Yeah, I’m afraid that it does.”

Noelle shrugged and then smiled a bright smile. “Okay, I’m going to walk away now, but I’m on the 23rd floor. 2301. You have a few minutes to change your mind and come on up.”

Brian was staying on the 23rd floor, too. In fact, everyone on the tour was staying on the 23rd floor. That fact didn’t quite register with Brian. He saw it more as a sign than a possible hindrance.

Brian gazed at the beautiful woman that was walking away from him. Her tight, skinny jeans hugged every curve of her body. The leather vest she wore over a partially unbuttoned white top showed a perfectly arousing amount of cleavage. She was gorgeous and she wanted him. Just for that one night, just for that one moment.

Suddenly, Brian found himself jogging to catch up to her.

“Wait,” he called softly as he took her hand gently into his own. He then pulled her into his arms and kissed her again.

“Lead the way,” he whispered into her mouth as they begrudgingly broke the kiss.

Noelle smiled and laced her fingers with Brian’s. She, too, was glad to be distracted for just that one night, just for that one moment. 

When Brian and Noelle stepped into the elevator, each of them stood at one side. When the doors closed, they locked eyes and before they could control themselves, Brian had Noelle pinned up against the side of the elevator locked in a passionate kiss. Brian’s hands were wrapped into Noelle’s hair; Noelle’s fingers were clenched into Brian’s strong shoulders. As the elevator stopped on the 23rd floor, Noelle pushed back against Brian. They walked down the hallway still kissing, at that moment not caring who saw them.

When Brian and Noelle finally made it to Noelle’s room, she let them in and then slammed the door shut behind them. She pushed the weight of her body against Brian’s and pressed her mouth against his again. She was magnetized toward him. After one taste, her mouth couldn’t get enough.

Brian intertwined his fingers in her long, almost-black hair. He began to walk forward as she pulled his t-shirt over his head and then unbuttoned his dark wash blue jeans. Brian grabbed the tops of her thighs and she wrapped her long legs around his waist. He unzipped her leather vest and then impatiently ripped her white shirt opened, sending the buttons flying around the room.

Noelle moved her mouth down to Brian’s neck as he laid them both down at the foot of the bed. Brian untangled himself from Noelle. He kissed the top of her chest as he quickly unsnapped her bra. He continued kissing downward as he unbuttoned her pants and slid her red high-heels off of her feet. As he kissed his way back up, she arched her back and he pulled her pants off of her, leaving them in a heap on the floor.

Brian’s fingers gently caressed her most intimate spots while she tugged at his pants and then his boxers. When they, too, were on the floor, Brian slowly pulled Noelle’s black, lace panties down her thighs. Tired of the teasing, Noelle rolled them both over and straddled Brian. She moaned as he entered her and trembled as she took in every inch of him.

Even in that moment—as intense and as erotic as it was—Brian knew that if he had ever felt this much passion running through him, it had been a long time. It was only one night, Brian understood that, but right then he never wanted to let Noelle go.

------

After their tryst, Brian and Noelle drifted off to sleep. Hours earlier, Brian had every intention of leaving and not being around in the morning for the awkwardness that was sure to follow. However, when all was said and done, he and Noelle were lying in each other’s arms, panting pleasurably. They were each holding onto the other so tightly, enjoying the after-tremors and orgasmic pulsing. Both were hoping that they could hold on for one more time, wanting their time together to last for just a moment longer.

Eventually, sleep overcame them and they drifted off, not waking again until a pounding at the door boomed along with Brian’s morning-after, liquor-induced headache.

“Noelle,” a male voice called. “Noelle, are you in there? Open up!”

Noelle sat straight up in bed and looked at Brian. She slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand.

“You have to hide,” she whispered harshly.

“What?” Brian asked, astonished. He couldn’t believe that he’d gotten himself into this mess for more than one reason. “Is that your boyfriend?”

Noelle shook her head. “No, he’s my brother.”

Brian nodded slowly as he quickly grabbed his boxers from off of the floor and slipped them on his still-naked body. “That could quite possibly be worse.”

“Noelle!” AJ yelled through the door. “I can hear you in there and I know that you’re not alone!”

“Noelle?!” Brian repeated, shocked as a realization dawned on him. He hadn’t recognized the voice at first, but now it was as clear as day. He couldn’t believe that this was happening to him. He wouldn’t believe it. “YOU are Noelle?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Noelle asked, slightly offended that he hadn’t remembered her name. “I told you what my name was last night.”

Brian shook his head. “No. Your brother is AJ fucking McLean?”

Noelle nodded slowly, confused by how he would know that. Then she closed her eyes as the realization that had hit Brian moments earlier slapped her in the face. “You are not that Brian.”

“Noelle, open up or I’m coming in!” AJ repeated as he continued to pound on the wooden door.

Noelle grabbed Brian’s hand and pulled him into the bathroom. “Stay there! We’ll sort this out later.”

She grabbed the plush, white hotel robe out of the closet and slipped it on as she ran to the door and flung it opened. “Alex? What are you doing here so early? You of all people should have heard of jet lag.”

AJ smirked and shook his head. He tried to peek around her. “So, where is he?”

“He? Who he?” Noelle stammered.

AJ rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You have sex hair. I heard voices. Who is he?”

“He’s not anybody. Just some guy that I met. What does it matter to you? Aren’t you the rock star here?” Noelle replied softly as she combed her hands through her matted hair.

“It doesn’t matter to me.” AJ tried to hold back his smile though he had to admit that he enjoyed seeing Noelle squirm. “Can I meet him?”

“Of course not!” Noelle responded. “Now go away. I’ll get dressed and meet you downstairs for breakfast, okay?”

AJ shrugged. “That’s cold, Noelle. You’re just going to kick the poor guy out?”

Noelle narrowed her eyes at her brother and shook her head. “Alex, go.”

She pushed her laughing brother out into the hallway and waved him away. AJ could hardly contain his chuckles as Noelle slammed the door in his face. Part of him wanted to wait around the corner to get a peek at his sister’s conquest from the night before and maybe even play the part of the tough, tattooed, protective brother. Eventually, though, he decided against it. Everyone deserved their privacy and he assumed that he had embarrassed Noelle enough for one morning.

From where he was locked inside of the bathroom, Brian stared at his cheating reflection. He and Leighanne were separated. Kind of. The papers were signed, they just needed to be finalized and Leighanne went out on a date last night. He wasn’t a cheater, he reasoned with himself.

Brian sighed and moved to sit on the edge of the cold, porcelain bathtub. He rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. He groaned as he ran his hands through his curly hair. It was getting longer, now falling at his ears. Leighanne hated it that way, but Brian suddenly loved it. He loved the way that Noelle had been able to run her hands through it. He loved the way that her fingers had wrapped around his curls and how her grip had tightened when she had gone over the edge.

Brian had to shake his head to clear the thoughts. Noelle was AJ’s sister. Noelle. Noelle Mclean. He had slept with AJ’s sister. AJ would kill him.

Brian knew that if Noelle really had ended up to be a fleeting moment in his life, he never would have forgotten her. Now, she was going to be around. A lot. And for months. Brian didn’t know how to wrap his mind around the sudden change of circumstances. Admittedly, he wasn’t good at one-night stands to begin with.

Brian looked up as Noelle walked into the bathroom.

“Well?” Brian asked as he lifted his head and folded his hands between his knees.

Noelle shook her head slowly and sighed. She, too, couldn’t believe that she had let this happen. “You need to go.”

Brian stood up and walked over to Noelle slowly. “Don’t you think that we need to talk about what this means?”

Noelle shook her head and bit her bottom lip nervously. “It means the same thing that it did last night. Nothing.”

Brian nodded. “Okay, fine, but we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other over the next few months. I don’t know about you, but—well, I think last night is going to be kind of hard to forget.”

“It’s only going to be hard to forget if you make an effort to remember,” Noelle responded. She tried to stare at Brian coldly, but she couldn’t manage to stare into his blue eyes for more than a second. The crystalline pools of blue pierced right through her.

Of course he had to be sitting at the bar last night. Of course he’s gorgeous, Noelle thought to herself. Of course he’s one of my fucking brother’s best friends.

Brian released a shaky breath. He wanted to be able to walk away. He tried to take a step back, but his legs wouldn’t move around her. Instead, he took a step forward and brushed the hair out of her eyes. He then leaned down and kissed her forehead softly.

Goosebumps raised on Noelle’s arms. Before she was able to stop herself, her hands were running slowly down Brian’s sides. Starting at his chest and ending on hips, Noelle traced the outline of his torso with her palms. Brian placed a finger under her chin and tilted her head up until her lips met his.

He pulled away before they could allow themselves to go any further. “I should go.”

Noelle sighed and licked his taste off of her lips. “Yeah.”

Reluctantly, Brian stepped around her and reached for the door. Noelle jammed her hands deep into the pockets of her robe to keep herself from reaching out for him. She bounced on her toes impatiently and gazed up at the ceiling. Everything inside of her was yearning for more. Rather than admitting that she wanted Brian, Noelle chalked it up to the fact that it had just been too long since she’d felt anything that good—the intense rush of physical human contact. Sex.

Brian clenched the bathroom doorknob tightly in his hand. As he turned the cold brass knob, he turned around. At the same time, Noelle peeked at him over her shoulder. Brian couldn’t help but to smile at the smirk that was growing on her lips.

Noelle shrugged one shoulder as she began to untie her robe. “So, technically, if Alex hadn’t woken us up this morning, I wouldn’t know that the two of you knew each other yet.”

Brian chuckled softly and nodded his head. “Yeah.”

“So,” Noelle continued as she slipped the robe slowly down her shoulders. “Technically, if you and I wanted to have one more go before we seemingly walked out of each other’s lives forever, then that would have been okay. It wouldn’t have broken any rules.”

Brian turned all the way around so that he was inches away from Noelle’s still turned body. “No, the rules would have been respectfully maintained.”

Noelle let the robe drop completely down to the floor as she turned to face Brian. “So, what harm could a half an hour possibly do?”

Noelle giggled as Brian picked her up into his arms just as he had the night before. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he set her down onto the marble vanity. She moaned as she took in every inch of Brian for one last time. 

Forty-five minutes later, Noelle slipped into a booth at the restaurant where Alex was waiting for her. It had been harder than expected to let Brian go this morning. After being together on the vanity, they quickly moved to the shower. The only reason they hadn’t continued beyond that was because Noelle knew that Alex was waiting for her, and Brian had to leave for rehearsal in an hour.

AJ shook his head as Noelle sheepishly picked up her menu. “Harder to let go of lover boy this morning than you thought, huh?”

A blush ran up to Noelle’s cheeks. “Shut-up, Alex.”

“We’re going to be here for a few more days,” AJ continued. “Are you going to see him again?”

“Most definitely not,” Noelle replied, pretending to be distracted by the menu. “So, what’s good here?”

Ignoring her question, AJ pressed on. “Why not? It couldn’t have been that bad. You stayed up there with him for another hour.”

Noelle put down her menu and stared at AJ across the table. “Can we please stop talking about this? You’re acting like I should go marry the guy now or something.”

AJ chuckled softly. “No, there’s just something about you. You seem like you really liked him or something. You don’t seem like the hook up type.”

“It’s just sex, Alex,” Noelle replied softly. “Don’t try to make it more than it is.”

AJ held his hands up, surrendering. “Okay, you win. No, German boyfriend. I got it.”

“He wasn’t German, anyway. He was American,” Noelle mumbled as she looked back down at the menu.

“Hmm,” AJ replied, nodding his head slowly. “I wonder if it was anyone that I know.”

Noelle’s head shot back up as she glared at Alex wondering if he knew more than he was letting on. “What? Why would you say that? You don’t know every American that’s in Germany right now.”

“Whoa,” AJ replied, laughing softly. “We have a lot of people on this tour. That’s all I’m saying. It’s obvious that you didn’t get any sleep last night.”

Noelle sighed and closed her eyes. “Sorry. You’re right. I’m pretty tired.”

“Well, we have rehearsal this afternoon. You can stick around here and come for the show tonight if you want.” AJ shrugged. “Hell, you seem to do a pretty good job entertaining yourself. You don’t even have to go to the show if you don’t want either.”

Noelle chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully wondering if she wanted to put herself in that awkward position already. She knew that at some point she was going to have to ride on a tour bus with Brian, so it was probably better to get the ‘introductions’ over with ahead of time. “No, I’ll go to your rehearsal. I don’t know the language well enough to find a way to meet you out at the venue later, anyway.”

AJ nodded. “Okay. We need to leave soon, so why don’t I order you something to go while you go get yourself together? We’ll meet back here in 15 minutes, barring any hunky distractions.”

Noelle rolled her eyes and laughed softly. “There will be no hunky distractions. Speaking of hunky,” Noelle stopped to clear her throat. She hoped that this came out casually. “Are you riding to the venue with the other guys?”

AJ smiled and shook his head slowly. “No, Brian and Howie are probably already gone. Nick will be late. It’ll just be you and me, sorry.”

Noelle rolled her eyes. “I was just curious, Alex. Don’t jump to conclusions.”

AJ laughed. “Go ahead and get ready. If we don’t hurry, Nick won’t be the only one late.”

Noelle nodded and hurriedly left the table. On her way up to her room, she imagined all of the ways she could possibly pull it passed Alex that Brian was actually ‘hunky’.

When Noelle re-entered her room, it suddenly felt empty. And lonely. Very, very lonely. She sighed as she opened her makeup bag to finish her makeup. It was going to be an interesting few weeks, to say the least.

-----

By mid-afternoon, Noelle was sure that Brian was avoiding her. Contrary to AJ’s speculation that Brian and Howie would be the first ones to rehearsal, Brian was actually half an hour late. By the time that he arrived, he was pulled right onto the stage and had to jump into a dance routine.

Noelle couldn’t say that she blamed him for being late. He had a long day ahead of him and had gotten very little sleep the night before. There was no doubt that he had intended to close his eyes for a minute and ended up drifting off. Besides, Noelle wasn’t necessarily ready to distinguish between the Brian on the stage that was a Backstreet Boy and Alex’s friend, and the Brian that was her one-time lover, anyway. She was too content to bask in the morning-after glow of Brian’s incredible bedroom skills to be introduced to him as a boy-bander.

By the time that sound check started late in the afternoon, Noelle could hardly keep her eyes opened. As the Boys sang and answered questions for their waiting fans, Noelle found a comfortable, leather couch and fell into a deep nap.

While singing one of the songs requested by their fans, Brian scanned the crowd. He was looking for Noelle. All morning, his eyes had been glued to this beautiful new addition to his life that was quickly becoming a welcome distraction.

When Brian had gotten back to his hotel room earlier that morning, he had five missed calls and three text messages from Leighanne. Assuming the worst, Brian swore that he was being punished for the night before and that something terrible had happened to his estranged wife.

When Leighanne had picked up, however, she was fine. “So now you decide to call me back?”

“The volume on my phone was off. I didn’t hear it ring. Are you okay?” Brian knew that technically he didn’t have to lie, but he didn’t want to hurt Leighanne either.

“Physically, I’m fine. My heart is broken, but you wouldn’t care about that,” Leighanne replied bitterly.

Brian rolled his eyes. He could feel his annoyance level rising as his nerves calmed. “You seriously didn’t call me five times to tell me that, did you?”

“No,” Leighanne replied spitefully. “I called to tell you about my date. You still want to be friends, right?”

“I don’t want to hear about your date,” Brian growled. “What exactly is your point in doing this? Do you think that I’ll run back home? Do you think that jealousy is going to fix all of the problems in our marriage? If anything, it’s only going to cause more problems. Your attitude lately hasn’t done anything to make me think that we’ve made the wrong decision.”

“No,” Leighanne spat angrily. “You’re not going to blame what we’re going through on me. You gave up, Brian. You stopped trying. This wasn’t a decision that WE made. You did this.”

Brian sighed deeply. He couldn’t argue with her. He had stopped trying. He had made the decision, but the failure of their marriage couldn’t possibly be put completely on his shoulders. He wouldn’t carry that entire burden.

“We need to stop this. Neither of us can go on talking to each other this way or arguing about nothing. I still love you, Leigh. I just… I can’t do this anymore. So, no. I don’t want to hear about the date that you had last night or any date that you have for the rest of your life.”

Leighanne took in a shaky breath and bit her bottom lip. She swallowed hard to choke back her rising tears. “For the rest of my life? So, without following up on the promises you made to try to fix this when you get home, you’ve already decided. It’s forever. You’re done?”

Brian sighed. He knew that he had made up his mind, especially after feeling more in one night with a stranger than he had with Leighanne in years, but he wasn’t going to tell her that now over the phone while he was thousands of miles away.

“I didn’t say that, Leigh. I’m just saying that things may not end up working out in the end and if they don’t then you’ll meet someone else, someone better than me. He’ll be someone that will give you everything that you’ve ever deserved; he’ll be someone that you’ll be able to get along with, someone that won’t give up.”

“Brian,” Leighanne replied quietly. “You are that person. You are everything that I’ve ever wanted and I love you. You may not realize it now, but you will. You’ll realize that you’re in love with me, too.”

“I need to go,” Brian whispered back. He couldn’t do this now, not when he was coming down off of such a high. “Date if you want to date. Be happy. We’ll talk soon.”

Brian didn’t wait for her protest; he simply pressed the end button and threw the phone down on the bed next to him. He then slowly rested his head in his hands and he sobbed. He cried for Leighanne. He cried for himself. He cried for the end of his forever. The only thing he didn’t cry for was guilt over his night with Noelle and that thought had scared him to death.

“Yo, B!” Brian was shaken from his reverie by Nick snapping his fingers in his face. “Are you awake over there?”

“Sorry, I’m over here daydreaming.” He made a silly face and turned to the young fan that was trying to ask him a question. “Can you repeat your question for me, Sweetheart?”

The fan giggled at Brian’s endearment. “I was wondering what your favorite part of being on tour is.”

Brian wondered if it would be okay to say that his favorite part of being on tour was being away from his home. He shook his head at the thought. You know that your thoughts are getting pretty bad when you become disgusted with yourself.

“Well,” Brian started, “besides getting to perform for all of our amazing fans. I guess that my favorite part of being on tour is getting to see every inch of the world. The good thing about being a Backstreet Boy is that your fans are everywhere.”

The fan seemed pacified by Brian’s answer, and they moved on to AJ’s question.

Before long, the fans were lining up for their picture on stage with the Boys. When all of the fans got a chance for their meet and greet, the Boys said their goodbyes and then went backstage for dinner. Brian was sincerely hoping that he would be able to catch a quick nap, though the chances of that happening were slim to none.

After Brian fixed his dinner plate from the buffet style set-up that was put in place by the venue, he started to make his way to one of the small dressing rooms that were housed in the back of the arena. He stopped when he saw AJ running toward him.

“Hey, Rok. Have you seen Noelle?”

 “Nope. I wouldn’t even know her if I saw her, J,” he replied and then laughed nervously. He was always such a bad liar. Why couldn’t he have just said, ‘no’?

AJ narrowed his eyes at Brian confused by his odd behavior as of late. “Is everything okay with you, Man?”

Brian nodded quickly. “Great.”

“Are you sure?” AJ prodded, hoping to get more than one word.

Brian sighed. “Dude, everything’s fine.”

AJ shrugged, he was unable to get into it with Brian now anyway. “Okay, if you say so. You’ll know Noelle when you see her. If you happen to run into her, tell her I’m looking for her?”

“For sure, Man,” Brian replied as he turned to continue down the narrow hallway to the dressing rooms.

When he finally got to the back of the venue, he bumped the partially opened door with his hip to open the door wider. He stepped over the threshold and placed his plate and drink down on one of the vanity tables. Deciding that he wasn’t very hungry, he stretched and turned toward the couch in the back of the room. He stopped when he finally noticed a thin figure already sprawled out, sleeping peacefully. Noelle had beaten him to his napping place.

Brian smiled to himself and sighed. He wondered how he hadn’t noticed the sweet floral scent of her perfume that was floating around the room before then.

God, he thought to himself, she is so beautiful.

Brian shook his head to clear the thoughts. Noelle was the complete opposite of what would be described as his ‘type’. Brian was used to be attracted to blondes with light features and all-American looks. Noelle had dark hair, piercing blue eyes and exotic features, but Brian could still recognize that she was one of the most beautiful women that he’d ever encountered.

He couldn’t help but to wonder if what he was feeling was real. Was it possible to feel something in less than 24-hours for someone that you met in a bar and shared an intimate moment with? Or was it possible that Brian was just so distraught about the dissipation of his marriage that he was looking for love anywhere that he could find it?

Noelle must have sensed that someone was watching her, because she stirred and then woke a minute later. She smiled when she saw that the only other person in the room was Brian.

“Are you following me?” she asked groggily.

Brian chuckled softly. “No, you just snaked the couch before I could get there.”

Noelle laughed and shrugged her shoulders. “You were just too busy being responsible and working.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Brian replied teasingly. “Were you having sweet dreams?”

“Who needs sweet dreams when you’re around?” Noelle replied and then wiggled her eyebrows playfully.

Brian visibly balked at her openness and then blushed. He cleared his throat and ran his hands through his hair. Then, he smiled. “We should probably have that talk now that we didn’t have this morning.”

Noelle shook her head and started to respond when AJ walked into the room.

“Dude, I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” AJ said as he entered the room. “I thought that you had gone off with Hunky again or something.”

Noelle blushed and Brian raised his eyebrows.

“Hunky?” Brian inquired with a smirk, though he knew that AJ was referencing the incident from that morning.

“Yeah,” AJ replied. “Noelle got her a stud last night.”

“Alex,” Noelle finally spoke up. “Seriously? You haven’t even formally introduced Brian and me yet. You don’t have to tell him all of my business.”

“Obviously, you introduced yourselves,” AJ responded. “Either that or you finally learned how to Google.”

Noelle narrowed her eyes at her brother. Though honestly, if she had learned more about this group that her brother was in, she never would have gotten herself mixed up with Brian in the first place. Not to say that part of her wasn’t completely okay with being mixed up with Brian, a bigger part of her hated where this could possibly go.

“Were you looking for me for any particular reason, Alex?”

“Yes, actually,” AJ replied. “I was coming to tell you to get some dinner before there’s nothing left.”

“Okay, thanks.” Noelle sat up from where she was still lying on the couch and tucked her feet underneath her. “I’ll meet you out there in a minute.”

AJ nodded and then looked back and forth between Brian and Noelle. It was impossible not to feel the heat that was radiating between the two. AJ hoped that his sister wasn’t trying to find Hunky number two with Brian. It would suck for her to get attached and then find out that he was married. AJ made a mental note to talk to Noelle about Brian sometime later and then he left the dressing room.

“You really should get something to eat,” Brian spoke up after AJ left. “The people around here really are vultures when it comes to food.”

Noelle nodded and then stood up. She ran her fingers through her hair and slowly walked to the door. Just as she stepped out of the room, she leaned against the doorframe and turned back toward Brian. “This isn’t going to be weird, right?”

Brian shook his head and then bit the inside of his lip to keep his tongue from grazing his bottom lip. He wanted to feel her mouth on his so badly that he could almost taste it.

“No,” he finally replied. “It won’t be weird. We’re two consenting adults. It happened and… what’s done is done. It’s over.”

Noelle nodded and shot Brian a tight lipped smile before slipping out of the dressing room.

Even as he had said the words, Brian didn’t believe them. He was torn in two. A piece of him didn’t want it to be over. He wanted to take Noelle like he had done the night before again and again. The other part of Brian was anguished by how complicated his life had suddenly become.

Brian sighed deeply as he whispered the words aloud to himself, “What’s done is done, Brian. And that’s it.”

For the remainder of the Backstreet Boys’ time in Germany, Brian and Noelle managed to keep their distance. Brian tried to work himself to the point of exhaustion and for the most part it worked. His theory was that if you’re too tired to move, you won’t want to go looking for sex—no matter how good that sex may be.

Noelle, however, managed to find healthier ways to amuse herself. She went sight-seeing with AJ, Nick and Howie. She worked out in the hotel gym. She even did some online researching into schools that would possible take a home-wrecking wannabe fertility doctor. Either way, the week ended quickly, and soon the tour was moving to its next destination.

It was going to be Noelle’s first time on the tour bus and mortifyingly enough she was excited. Very few people in the world get to travel in the kind of style that the Backstreet Boys do. What’s a better way to ride through the German country-side off to the London ferry rather than a moving hotel?

AJ and Noelle were the first to board on the afternoon of departure. AJ quickly showed Noelle around and then left her alone so that he could finish checking them both out of the hotel. Noelle threw her small carry-on bag onto one of the lowest bunks. She then stood up straight and began to take in her surroundings. Curiously, she began to open the cabinets in the kitchen area. Just as she was pulling opened the small pantry door that was next to the microwave, she heard a soft chuckle behind her.

“Are you hungry already? Or just nosy?” Brian asked softly. An instant thrill shot through him when he climbed onto the bus and found that Noelle was already there.

“I’m just nosy,” Noelle replied. A slight blush crept up to her cheeks. “So, I haven’t seen you around much this week.”

Brian nodded slowly. “Yeah, I’ve been pretty busy.”

“From what I hear, you’ve been working yourself to death,” Noelle probed. She knew that he was working so much in order to avoid her, which was a little bit surprising. She didn’t know that guys like Brian—guys that don’t perpetually sleep around without caring about the consequences—still existed.

“I have to make a living,” Brian replied with a shrug. He was having a hard time meeting her gaze. He wasn’t good at this sleeping-together-and-then-pretending-that-it-didn’t-happen thing.

“The others make a living without having to work 24-hours a day,” Noelle responded. “Look, I didn’t mean to make this tour uncomfortable for you. I can leave if you want.”

Noelle didn’t want to leave. She really liked the people that she had met and in just a few short days she felt like she was a part of the family.

Brian shook his head. “No, I don’t want you to leave and it’s not you. Well, not JUST you, anyway. I told you that this wouldn’t be weird and I really don’t want it to be. I’m just not good at this kind of stuff.”

Noelle nodded slowly. “We can be friends, you know. We can talk. Hang out. Eventually it won’t be weird because we’ll actually be friends and the initial shock of being thrown together with someone who you thought that you’d never see again will be over.”

“Look,” Brian replied, “I know that neither one of us want to say this out loud, but I’m about to anyway. It’s not just that we slept together within hours of knowing each other. It’s so much more than that.”

“Like what?” Noelle asked, though she wasn’t sure that she wanted to know the answer.

“Like what,” Brian repeated, mostly to himself. “How about the fact that I’ve only known you for a week, but I can’t get you off of my mind? How about the fact that I’ve felt more passion with you than I have with my—,” Brian stopped, suddenly. For some reason, he didn’t want to admit that he was still married. He thought that would change things. He knew that would change things. If Noelle knew that he was married, she wouldn’t even want to be his friend even if the fact remained that he was almost legally separated and planning on getting divorced.

“With anyone,” Brian finished quietly.

He took a step closer to her unintentionally. He wanted to kiss her, but he knew that he wasn’t going to. AJ, Nick or Howie could board the bus at any second. He just wanted to be close.

“Brian,” Noelle replied softly. “Even if I couldn’t stop thinking about you too and even if what we shared that night was amazing, it doesn’t matter. One of your best friends is my brother. You travel the world for a living and I go to school and besides, neither of us was looking for a relationship in that bar that night.”

“I’m still not looking for a relationship,” Brian replied. “Not even close.”

Noelle rolled her eyes and sighed. “So you want a booty call? I’m sorry, but that’s one game that I don’t play.”

Noelle turned to walk away, half-disgusted and half-relieved by her assumed revelation.

Brian grabbed her wrist before she could leave.

“No, Noelle. I’m not looking for a booty call either. That’s what makes this so hard. It was one night of drunken fun and the thing is, if you weren’t right here I would still be thinking about you. The difference is that eventually that memory would fade and now—,” Brian paused, hoping that his next statement didn’t freak her out. He grazed his hand against her cheek as he continued, “Now, all I can imagine is the possibilities. I’ve got the who, but the when and the where keeps changing and it’s driving me crazy.”

Noelle shivered at Brian’s bold statement. Slowly, she reached up to her face where his hand was still resting and intertwined her fingers with his. “Brian, I could tell you that I feel the exact same way, but it still doesn’t change anything. Once I go home, we won’t have to worry about seeing each other again, but for now, we have to learn how to put aside that one night no matter how amazing that it was.”

Brian nodded slowly, but he could feel himself moving closer to her. He watched as she tilted her head and slowly parted her lips, despite her previous sentiments. Just as their lips were about the touch, the bus lurched with the heavy footsteps of a boarder.

Noelle and Brian jumped apart from each other quickly. They pretended to scan the contents of the small kitchenette pantry as Howie and his wife, Leigh, walked past into the bus’ living room.

Noelle turned to Brian slowly, making sure to keep her distance. She stuck her hand out to him to shake.

“Friends?” she whispered.

Knowing that she was right for reasons of which she was even unaware, Brian nodded and reached for her hand. “Friends.”

-------------

Hours later, the Backstreet Boys tour bus was quietly making its way through the European countryside. It was now close to midnight. Each boy was closed into their perspective bunks sleeping soundly.

Noelle, however, was up—wide awake. Close to an hour earlier, she had been awoken by a text message from Rob. Groggily and without thinking, she flipped her cell phone opened and quickly read the message:

Went by your apartment today. You either weren’t there or you were ignoring me. Can’t say that I blame you. ILU. I miss you. Come back to me.

Noelle rolled her eyes and slammed the phone shut. She tried to close her eyes and go back to sleep, but anger quickly overcame her. She was gladder now that she was on tour with Alex than she had been the entire week. It’s wasn’t fair of Rob to show up at her apartment. It wasn’t fair of him to tell her that he loved her, or that he missed her. He’d had two years to make things right for them. He stood by and watched while she got kicked out the medical program. He already had a career. He was going to be fine, but now Noelle was left with no options. She wouldn’t deny her own self-responsibility. She had gotten herself into the situation that she had been in with Rob, but it wasn’t fair that he had gotten away unscathed while she had lost everything.

Even if she was naïve enough to believe that he actually meant the things that he said—that he loved her, that he missed her, that she was different—she would have to have a complete lack of self-respect to go back to him.

Now, as she lay awake, her stomach still boiled with disgust. She tossed and turned and tried to fall back asleep, but it was no use. The snoring of the men around her wasn’t helping either.

“Shh,” Noelle whispered as she threw a pillow toward AJ's bunk, which was directly across from hers. The pillow only bounced off of the curtain that held her brother into his bed and onto the linoleum floor.

Eventually, Noelle gave up trying. She rolled from her side to her back in a huff and then swung her legs down to the floor. It was final. She couldn't sleep anymore—not with Rob's stupid text message scrolling through her head. She stood up and stretched. By now, it was just after 1 a.m. She yawned quietly as she tiptoed to the kitchenette and opened the refrigerator door. She pulled out a bottle of water and twisted the white cap off. She took a sip of water and then glanced down toward the front of the bus. Not knowing proper tour bus etiquette, Noelle didn't know what she was technically allowed to do in the middle of the night. Could she turn on a light to read? Could she watch the television in the back?

Noelle shrugged and made her way to the back of the bus. At that point, she didn't give a crap about tour bus etiquette. As she reached the back of the bus, she noticed a light shining from under the door. She started to turn away, figuring that one of the Boys wanted some privacy, but she stopped when she heard a warm voice singing softly along with the hushed strumming of a guitar. She opened the door as quietly as she could without being noticed and smiled to herself when she saw Brian sitting on the small gray couch. His eyes were closed. There was a pencil behind his ear, though the song was strangely familiar.

And all at once, the crowd begins to sing

We’d never know what’s wrong without the pain

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want it; maybe you need it

Maybe it’s all you’re running from

Noelle cleared her throat softly. She smiled when Brian looked up and blushed slightly. He laid his guitar down gently and smiled back at her. “Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.”

Noelle shook her head. “You didn't. I was already awake. The Fray?”

Brian nodded. “Are you a fan?”

“I used to be until I heard you singing it,” Noelle joked.

Brian rolled his eyes and tried to look offended. “Thanks.”

“So, are you running past anything in particular?” Noelle asked as she walked across the room and took a seat next to Brian.

Brian licked the inside of his bottom lip and then shook his head. “No, not really. I just like the song.”

Noelle nodded. “Yeah, it's weird that you were playing it. It was like soundtrack music.”

Brian laughed softly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Noelle shook her head. “About as much as you want to talk about whatever is bothering you.”

Brian chuckled, though inside he was shocked by how well she could already read him. Either he was completely transparent or... well, he didn't know what else. “Point taken.”

Noelle reached down onto the floor and picked up Brian's guitar. She held it in her lap and ran her fingers across the strings. She couldn't play a lick, but she had always wanted to learn.

“Did you inherit any of the family's musical talent?” Brian asked. He leaned back against the couch cushions and placed his hands behind his head. He loved that they were finally here, together, alone. Friends. Though admittedly, Brian had never wanted to rip the clothes off of one of his ‘friends’ so badly.

Noelle laughed and shook her head. “No. Denise must have the musical talent. That or dad gave every inch of everything he had to Alex.”

Brian smiled and shook his head. “No, anyone can play the guitar. You just need to memorize five major chords.”

Noelle lifted one shoulder in a shrug and smirked. “Then show me. Maybe you can make me work to pay my own way around here.”

Brian laughed. He stood up and walked to the opposite side of the couch. He sat back down behind Noelle and wrapped his arms around her to place her hands on the proper strings.

“That's A,” Brian whispered into Noelle's ear.

Subconsciously, Noelle leaned back against him so that their cheeks were touching. She strummed the guitar and repeated, “A.”

Brian gently repositioned her fingers with the four remaining notes as Noelle strummed along with each one. “D, G, E, C.”

With the final strum, Noelle turned so that she was looking at Brian over her shoulder. Their lips were mere inches apart for the second time that day.

“Thanks,” she whispered.

Brian nodded and leaned in slowly. Suddenly, he didn’t care where they were or who was around.

Noelle's lips immediately responded to the feeling of Brian's soft lips on hers. She raised her hand to rest on his face and kissed him again.

When they pulled away from each other, Brian cleared his throat and stood up from his spot on the couch. “I don't think friends are supposed to do that.”

Noelle laughed softly as she tried to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. “No, not usually.”

“So, we should probably stop putting ourselves in this position,” Brian said. His back was turned, but he was searching for her reaction out of the corner of his eye.

Trying to contain her smile, Noelle nodded. “Yeah, probably.”

Brian nodded slowly. “We should get to bed.”

“That kind of violates that whole 'friends' thing, too. Don’t you think?” Noelle teased.

Brian shook his head and laughed. “Separately.”

Noelle nodded. “You go ahead. I think that I'm going watch a movie or something. I couldn't really sleep.”

“Okay,” Brian replied softly. “Goodnight, Noelle.”

“Goodnight,” Noelle responded. She waited until Brian reached the door and then she called out to him, desperate to hear his voice one last night that night. “Brian?”

Brian turned around and lifted his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“I'm not a very fast learner. I may need you to show me those chords again... sometime soon.” Noelle smiled as she watched Brian's grin spread across his face.

Brian laughed and continued toward the door. He stopped just as he was about leave and turned back to Noelle. “Anytime.”

The grin that was glued to Noelle's face was wide enough to make her cheeks burn. A familiar warm feeling rose inside of her at the memory of Brian's wide smile. Butterflies tickled her stomach and then she groaned. She was falling for Brian Littrell.

Brian couldn’t help but to cringe at the unharmonious chord that was reverberating from his guitar. It was a chord that shouldn’t have ever existed in the musical universe. On paper, it didn’t exist, and now he knew why.

Brian smirked at Noelle and shook his head slowly from side to side. She was looking up at him with the same cringing expression that he was trying to hide.

“Well, that about settles that,” Brian laughed, taking the guitar away from her. He put the guitar back into its case and settled back against the couch in the back of the tour bus.

Brian and Noelle had taken to staying up late and hanging out together in the living area of the bus while they were on the road. The others would be sleeping and Brian and Noelle would be up playing guitar, watching movies or playing video games that they both more or less sucked at.

Despite the un-reconciled sexual tension between them, Noelle had proven to be good company. They had been good about keeping their sexual distance. Their lips hadn’t touched since the night a couple of weeks before, but a chill still ran through Brian when he thought back to the tenderness of her soft lips touching his. In ways, it felt wrong, but in other ways nothing had ever felt that right.

“That settles what?” Noelle probed. She smiled up at the gorgeous man she was trying really hard not to have feelings for. His clear blue eyes always pulled her in and made it hard to look away.

“You were right,” Brian replied, trying to hide his smirk. “Your dad gave every ounce of musical talent he had to AJ.”

Brian flinched when Noelle slapped him playfully on his arm.

“Shut up, you. It’s the rule of two. I can’t help it,” Noelle shot back with a smirk.

Internally, she had to admit that Brian was right. He had been trying to teach her those damn guitar chords for the last two weeks and she just wasn’t getting it. It was time to start grasping at straws.

“The rule of two?” Brian questioned. He understood that he was falling into a trap and probably should have let it go, but the damage was done. His curiosity was piqued.

“Yeah,” Noelle smiled. “There’s a list. Brains, beauty and talent. You can only have two.”

Brian glared at her playfully. “I’m afraid to ask, but which two did I get?”

“Talent and beauty,” Noelle laughed, “duh.”

“Oh, right, duh,” Brian replied sarcastically with a roll of his eyes. “I did go to school in Kentucky. You know what they say about us country boys.”

“They say that you’re lucky you even have two,” Noelle quipped. “Usually that whole missing teeth thing takes away from the beauty.”

Brian bumped into her with his shoulder. “Excuse me, these teeth are all mine, thank you very much.”

“Like I said, you’re one of the lucky ones.” Noelle smiled and bumped him back. “So, tell me about life in Kentucky country boy. Do you go back often?”

“No, not anymore. I used to go back as often as I could. I’m pretty close to my family and… I don’t know. It’s harder now.” Brian wanted to go on to tell her all of the reasons that made it hard—his difficult wife, the fact that he was living a lie that his mother would easily see though. “The tour is going to be stopping there when we get back to the states. If you’re still around, you’ll have to meet my Mama.”

Noelle smiled at the playfulness in Brian’s voice. She turned to lean against the wall where the arm of the couch would have been on a normal living room sofa and slung her legs over Brian’s lap. Brian slowly ran his hands over the smooth skin of her legs.

“Well,” Noelle replied slowly. “I don’t think I’ll still be around, first of all. Alex is definitely likely to get sick of me hanging around by then—“

“There’s three other Backstreet Boys on this tour,” Brian argued. “If you want to stay, you’re in.”

Noelle laughed and continued, “Secondly, it gets kind of cold in Kentucky around that time of the year. Does it snow in September?”

Brian paused for a second and looked at her out of the corner of his eye. “Is that a serious question?”

Noelle laughed out loud. “No, it wasn’t serious. But here’s something serious for you. I’m getting off of this tour before there’s any chance for snow in the American northwest. I don’t do cold and though I’ve never seen snow, I don’t do snow either.”

“You’ve never seen the snow?” Brian questioned. Noelle simply shook her head. “So, there’s never been any sledding, no ice skating, no snow ball fights?”

“Brian,” Noelle replied seriously. “I grew up in Florida. Where would I have gone to play in the snow?”

“Well, they do have ice skating rinks in Florida,” Brian argued. He knew that there were plenty of people who had never played in the snow, but Brian couldn’t help but to want everyone to have the experience. Some of his fondest childhood memories were of snowball fights with his brother and sledding down the slope in his backyard with his father.

“You do remember that whole thing about me not liking the cold, right?” Noelle interrupted his thoughts.

“That’s why you’ll have to dress warm,” Brian replied. “You rollerbladed as a child, right?”

“Yeah,” Noelle answered. “But you do that on the street.”

“Think of it this way. If you fall on ice skates, chances are that you won’t end up bleeding,” Brian argued. He really didn’t know what point he was trying to make. He didn’t know when he’d have the time or the opportunity to prove to Noelle that ice skating was fun.

“You’ve got me there, I guess.” Noelle shook her head, letting the topic of conversation drop. “So, what was life like before the Backstreet Boys for you? Besides ice skating and snowball fights?”

“Normal,” Brian answered quickly. “I went to school. I came home. I played sports. I was going to go to college and then I got that fateful phone call.”

“That’s really how it happened?” Noelle pushed. “You really got a call from your non-existent Backstreet cousin and your mom just let you fly away off to Orlando?”

“More or less, yeah,” Brian nodded. He was tired of talking about himself. He always talked about himself. He decided to change the subject so that he could learn more about the beautiful woman that was sprawled over him on the couch. “What about you? What was life like for you before med school?”

Noelle paused so that she could choose her words carefully. She hadn’t yet indulged Brian—or anyone for that matter—on all of the reasons she was really following AJ around the world.

“Just like you, I was a normal kid. I don’t know who I’m kidding. I still am a normal kid. I’m getting too used to this rich and famous lifestyle. I need to remember that I’m not a Backstreet Boy.” Noelle stopped for a second and smiled at Brian who rolled his eyes back at her playfully. Then she continued, “I hated Alex for the longest time. It wasn’t a secret that he and I were brother and sister—at least where I grew up—and Alex didn’t make it a secret how much he hated my dad so I got a lot of crap from the Backstreet Boys fans I went to school with.”

“Our fans can be pretty overzealous,” Brian cautioned.

“Yeah,” Noelle replied with a smirk. “I never noticed. Anyway, once Alex went to rehab he decided to work things out with dad. It never really worked out that well, but he and I got closer in the process. If it wasn’t for Alex being a Backstreet Boy, maybe I would have had more friends and less time to study, right?”

“Well that’s really sad,” Brian replied as he expelled a chuckle in a huff of air.

“I’m exaggerating,” Noelle said laughing with him.

“I’m surprised he never brought you out here before, honestly. After rehab, AJ constantly had family touring with him.” In Brian’s mind, he went back to a dark time in the Backstreet Boys career. Drugs and alcohol plagued his friend and because of it, Brian’s career was circling the drain. It was another one of those things that Leighanne had been there for.

“That was my own decision,” Noelle answered softly. “I was getting ready to start school and I didn’t want to follow him around and get caught up in all of this. I’d probably be sleeping on Alex’s couch by now if I had started touring with him back then. I’m kind of already sleeping on Alex’s couch.”

Brian observed Noelle curiously. He could tell that there was a sadness in her eyes as her own memories began to arise, but he didn’t know what that sadness was about. He just hoped that he didn’t have anything to do with it.

“And medical school?” Brian continued questioning. “How did that start?”

As if on cue, a yawn escaped Noelle’s body. Medical school wasn’t something that she wanted to get into that night. She didn’t think that Brian was the judgmental type, but in case he was, she wanted to wait to regale him with all of the stories of her seedy past.

Noelle sat up and stretched. “That’s going to have to wait until next time, Sir. I’m beat.”

Brian nodded and tried to ignore the sense of loss that he was starting to feel. He wasn’t tired yet and he always hated when Noelle left him alone to the thoughts that he was trying to avoid. He wished that he could open up to her, but something told him that they both had secrets that they were trying to hide.

“I’m right behind you,” Brian lied. “Sleep well.”

Noelle smiled. She squeezed Brian’s knee affectionately and then got up off of the couch. “You too. I’ll see you tomorrow for more guitar lessons.”

Brian laughed. “We’ll see.”

Noelle smiled back at Brian and left the room feeling like she was forgetting something. She wished so badly that Brian could come with her and cuddle up in the bunk that she had claimed as her own. Somehow, though, she knew that wouldn’t go over well with the other men that were sharing the bus.

The simple feeling of her wanting Brian so much was starting to scare her to death. Moving on from her last relationship was terrifying, especially with someone who was one of her brother’s best friends. Still, the thought of possibly moving on with Brian excited her. She just wondered if she’d ever really be able to make the leap.

The days began to quickly roll by as London turned into Denmark, which turned into the Netherlands, Norway, Sweden. Every couple of days, they were in a new country, until finally, they arrived in Italy where the tour was going to set up camp for more than just one night. Noelle was especially excited about being in Italy. It was the one place that she always dreamed of visiting. Of course, it didn’t hurt that she was going to be in one of the most romantic places on the planet with Brian. Not that anything romantic was going to go on. The feelings that radiated between them definitely helped Noelle to experience the whole Italian atmosphere.

Brian was almost to a point where he didn’t want to fight his feelings for Noelle any longer. On more than one occasion, he had planned to tell AJ about his and Leighanne’s separation and pending divorce, but something always stopped him. He would either be distracted, something would interrupt him or the embarrassment of failure would hang like a dark cloud in his soul and keep him from spitting the words out.

Now, Brian was exhausted. Keeping secrets took a lot out of man’s spirit, especially when he was also touring the world and trying to fight his growing affections for a beautiful brunette who was always around.

After the concert that night, Noelle had gone off to a late dinner with AJ, while Brian had retreated back to his hotel room. It was actually a welcome night alone. He needed to let his brain and body readjust.

Sometime after midnight, Brian had drifted off to sleep, but was awoken by someone knocking on his hotel room door. Brian jumped out of bed and pulled a pair of sweat pants on over his boxers. As the knocking at the door persisted, he quickened his pace and flung the door opened. He squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light.

In the hallway stood Noelle holding a pizza box in one hand and a DVD in the other. She looked beautiful in the same casual dress she’d worn to the concert earlier that night.

“Hey Sexy,” Noelle greeted. Her face warmed slightly as she gazed at Brian’s bare, toned chest. “You weren’t seriously in bed, were you?”

“Yeah, actually, I was,” Brian replied as he opened the door wider for her to enter. “Don’t you ever sleep?”

Noelle shrugged as she made her way through the door. “Sure, but I figured that you might want some authentic Italian pizza and a little company?”

Brian smiled and flicked on the light as Noelle made herself comfortable on the bed. He watched as she flipped opened the pizza box, turned the TV on with the remote and crinkled her nose at the Italian sports network that the channel was set to.

“Didn’t you eat already?” Brian asked as he took his place next to her on the bed.

Noelle nodded. “But you didn’t. Eat.”

Brian did as he was told. He pulled a piece of pizza out of the box and took a big bite. The truth was that Brian had skipped dinner. After the Backstreet Boys’ show that night, he had just wanted to come back to the hotel and sleep. “So, what movie did you get?”

Noelle dropped the DVD case between them and shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. Something in Italian. It looked good though.”

Brian laughed. “Neither one of us know how to speak a word of Italian.”

“It’s about body language, Brian,” Noelle replied, smiling. “You can know exactly what’s going on without understanding a word.”

“Is that right?” Brian replied, a small smirk playing about his lips.

“That’s right.” She couldn’t help but to gaze into Brian’s smiling eyes as he leaned against the headboard of the bed, his legs splayed out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. Sitting there like that, lounging in bed with the pizza box between them, they almost seemed like a real couple—relaxed, in love, or at least falling in love. Noelle dropped her gaze back down to Brian’s chest. She reached up to trace the thick scar that cut him into two equal halves.

“What happened?” she asked quietly.

“I had heart surgery about ten years ago.” Brian replied with a sigh. His surgery was the glue that held him and Leighanne together to begin with. She had been there when no one else had.  

Noelle’s heart fell to her knees. He’d had heart surgery when he was just two years younger than she was now. “Why did you have to have surgery?”

Usually, Brian didn’t like to talk about it. It’d happened so long ago that it seemed inconsequential, but to Noelle the want-to-be doctor, it was probably fascinating. “I was born with a congenital heart defect. When they opened me up, they found that not only was my heart enlarged, I also had two holes that needed to be patched up.”

“Wow,” Noelle replied softly. “That’s scary.”

“Yeah, it was,” Brian responded. “So, you haven’t really talked much about your budding medical career. What kind of doctor do you want to be?”

“I want to specialize in fertility. Research mainly,” Noelle sighed, softly. “But that doesn’t matter. My medical career isn’t so budding anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Brian questioned.

Noelle shook her head. “I don’t mean anything.”

“You can talk to me, you know,” Brian replied.

Noelle nodded slowly. “I know. I just—I don’t know that I want to talk about it.”

Brian nodded, too, and sighed. “Okay.”

“It’s just that, well, I might have been taken advantage of a little—or, hell, I might have been the one taking advantage.” Noelle shook her head, not knowing where this verbal diarrhea had come from.

“Okay,” Brian repeated. His eyebrows were knitted in confusion.

“See,” Noelle continued as she turned in the bed to face him. “There was this professor of mine, Doctor Matheson. We worked closely together and I guess that he developed some kind of feelings for me and one thing led to another and well, you know.”

Brian nodded. He did know. “You slept with him?”

Noelle sighed and nodded. “I did. We maintained this relationship, honestly, for a while. He’s one of the top doctor’s in the field of fertility and he was teaching me, taking me on as his apprentice and I fell in love with him.”

“You’re an adult,” Brian replied, softly. “It shouldn’t really matter that you date a professor, should it?”

Noelle shook her head. “I guess it would raise questions no matter what, but that wasn’t really the problem. He’s married. Really married. Like, completely, living in the same house, no plans of leaving his wife—married. Well, he told me that he was planning on leaving his wife, but whatever. He never did. You get the point.”

Brian felt like the air was sucked out of him at Noelle’s confession. Someone seriously could have driven a knife though his heart and at that point he probably wouldn’t have even felt it. “So, what happened? How did it end? Or is it even over?”

“It’s over. His wife got suspicious. She hired a PI. It turns out that over the years, I wasn’t the only one that he’s quote-unquote ‘taken under his wing’.” Noelle rolled her eyes in disgust. “His wife is the Dean of the College of Medicine, which I didn’t even know right away because she uses her maiden name. She kicked me out of school. He got suspended. My reputation is tarnished and his is bright and shiny as ever. It just… sucks.”

“I could definitely see how that would suck,” Brian replied.

He didn’t know if it was hypocritical to hate the guy for what he’d done to Noelle. Brian was still married. His separation was due to be finalized any day now, but his things were still in his house—only because he hadn’t been back home to retrieve them. He hadn’t had relationships with any other women and he most definitely was getting out of his marriage. Still, on the surface, the story sounds so much the same. “Do you still speak to him?”

“No. He’s sent text messages. He’s tried to call and tell me that I was different than the others, but whatever. I have too much respect for myself to fall for that again. I should have had enough respect for myself to never get involved with him in the first place. The worst part about it was that, even though I didn’t exactly know who his wife was at the time, I still knew that he was married and I still let it happen. I’m just as much to blame.” Noelle hated herself for the waver that she heard in her voice. She could feel the tears beginning to build beneath her eyelids.

“Maybe you can’t take complete responsibility off of yourself, but the guy knew what he was doing.” Brian reached over and brushed a falling tear off of her cheek. “He did take advantage of you and it happens all the time. Women fall for someone that they see in a position of distinction that they hope to someday achieve for themselves. You’re not alone, Beautiful.”

Noelle laughed and brushed her own tears away quickly. “I know that should make me feel better, but it doesn’t. It just means that I’m ordinary. I’m like everyone else. Not to sound conceited, but doctors aren’t supposed to be ordinary.”

“Even doctor’s are human, Sweetheart,” Brian replied softly. Seeing Noelle cry tore him apart inside. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and take all of her pain away.

“Ugh,” Noelle groaned as she gave herself a little shake. “That’s enough feeling sorry for myself. I’m over it. I’m not a victim. I’m going to overcome.”

Brian smiled as she repeated what he thought might have been her mantra.

“I’m not a victim. I’m going to overcome.” Noelle inhaled a deep breath and then exhaled.

“Better?” Brian asked, softly.

“Better.” She slung her legs over the side of the bed and started to get up. “I should probably go. It’s getting late and I know that you need your beauty rest.”

“You don’t have to,” Brian replied, wanting her to stay. “We have the day off tomorrow. I can sleep in.”

 “Yeah, but still, I’m getting pretty tired and you were already sleeping before I got here.” She stood up, but turned when she felt Brian’s hand wrap around her wrist.

“Stay,” Brian whispered intensely. “Here with me. Stay.”

Noelle started to shake her head. “Brian, I can’t. What if Alex starts looking for me and we said no more of this. No more sexual… anything… between you and me.”

Brian smiled. “Nothing sexual. Just stay. If AJ comes looking for you tonight, which I sincerely doubt by now, you can just tell him that Hunky came looking for you.”

Noelle laughed and sat back down slowly. She had to admit that the idea of waking up next to Brian was more than just slightly appealing. She nodded, kicked her shoes off and swung her legs back on top of the mattress. “Okay, I’ll stay.”

Brian smiled and kissed Noelle’s cheek softly. He threw the half-empty pizza box onto the floor and then got up to quickly shut off the light. Noelle threw the blankets over her bare legs and waited for Brian lie down next to her. When Brian got under the covers and finally settled in, she closed her eyes and slung one leg over the top of him.

“Goodnight Brian.”

Brian smiled and sighed peacefully. “Goodnight, Noelle.”

***

The next morning, Brian and Noelle woke up wrapped in each other’s arms. Neither of them remembered reaching out for the other, but sometime during the night they had gotten tangled up in each other, and they were both perfectly content being there.

They remained undisturbed until Noelle’s cell phone buzzed, signaling that she had a text message. She sighed, debating whether she should look at it or not. It was most likely only one of two people—either Rob or Alex. If it was Rob, it would ruin all of the warm feelings she had in that moment with Brian. If it was Alex, she was quite possibly caught not being in her room. To Noelle, it was lose-lose.

Brian chuckled. He could see the wheels turning in her head as she debated with herself. “Are you going to get that?”

Noelle snuggled closer into Brian’s chest and laughed quietly. “I haven’t decided yet.”

“Want me to take a peek at who the sender is?” Brian offered with a grin. “Maybe it’ll lessen the blow a bit.”

Noelle nodded and reached behind her to the bedside table to grab the phone. “Please do.”

Brian smiled as he flipped the phone opened behind Noelle’s back. “And the winner is… Alex.”

Noelle laughed softly, though she didn’t know if she should be all that relieved. “Just go ahead and read it. Give it to me fast, Brian.”

Brian laughed. “Well, okay.”

“Get your mind of the gutter and THEN give it to me fast,” Noelle repeated, though she too, giggled.

“It says…” Brian paused as the screen loaded with the new message. “It says, Breakfast. Question mark.”

“That’s it?” Noelle replied.

Brian shrugged. “That’s it. Do you want to reply?”

“Say, ‘Sure. Meet you in 15.’,” Noelle replied as she snaked her way out of Brian’s arms.

Brian quickly texted AJ back and then placed the phone down on the bed. “If you don’t want AJ to see you leaving here, you’d better get to gettin’.”

Noelle nodded. “Yeah, I know. It was fun though… last night. Staying here with you.”

“You could stay with me every night if you wanted,” Brian replied sincerely.

Noelle blushed and ran a hand through her unbrushed hair. “You shouldn’t say things like that. I might take you up on that offer.”

Brian laughed softly. “I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

Noelle smiled and bit her bottom lip in hopes of keeping her blush from rising. “I need to go. Alex is going to either be coming down the hall or waiting impatiently downstairs and I still need to go get dressed.” She grabbed the purse that she had brought in with her the night before and started to leave. “Why don’t you give me a little bit of a head start and then meet us down there in a little while? 20 minutes or so?”

Brian nodded and sat up in bed. “I’ll be there.”

“Good,” Noelle replied. “Then I’ll see you in a little bit.”

Brian watched as Noelle walked out of the room. When the door closed, he laid back down against the pillow-topped mattress. He hadn’t been this content in as long as he could remember. He’d slept so well in Noelle’s arms that he couldn’t imagine how he’d ever slept without her arms around him.

His heart still wrenched with thoughts of her heartbreaking story about her affair with her married professor. Brian sighed. He wasn’t that guy. He wasn’t going to hurt her like that. He wasn’t the same as that scum-bag doctor. There were few things that he knew for certain at this point in his life, but one of those things was that Noelle McLean was too special for him to let slip though his fingers.

Noelle walked into the hotel restaurant ten minutes later. As usual, AJ was there waiting for her. He didn’t even have anything to drink yet, so Noelle figured that he probably hadn’t been there long.

AJ waved his sister over when he saw her enter the restaurant. Something was different about her. She was glowing. Her cheeks were rosy. He guessed that the tour had revitalized her after all. There was life back in her.

“Hey,” AJ said as Noelle took the seat across from him. “You look good.”

“Thanks, brother,” Noelle replied. “I got a good night’s sleep last night away from all of you snoring boys.”

AJ laughed softly. “That will do it, I guess. We have the day off today. Are there any sights that you want to see?”

“Yeah,” Noelle replied, quickly. “I want to see everything.”

AJ grinned. He was really enjoying having Noelle there with him. It was always nice to be able to share everything that he got to experience with his family. “Okay, then. We’ll see everything.”

Noelle smiled across the table at her brother. Out of the window behind him that looked into the lobby, she could see Brian approaching the restaurant. She quickly looked down at her menu. She wanted AJ to be the one to see Brian and invite him over. “There’s also a pretty hot dance club in this hotel that I want to check out. I mean, if you’re cool with that whole scene.”

AJ nodded. He stretched and leaned back against his chair.

“Yeah, that’s good with me. It sounds like fun.” He wondered why Noelle was looking at her menu so intently when she couldn’t read a word of what was on it. He figured that she was looking for something familiar. When he looked back up, he noticed Brian entering the restaurant alone and thought that it was a shame that Leighanne hadn’t wanted to meet him on tour this time around. “Brian just walked in. You don’t mind if I ask him to join us, do you? I think he’s been kind of lonely lately.”

Noelle shook her head and tried to conceal her growing smile. “Not at all.”

AJ narrowed his eyes at her in confusion, but ignored her reaction. He raised his hand to wave Brian over before the hostess could seat him.

AJ had meant to talk to Noelle about her growing crush on Brian, but it had started to seem like he was imagining things. They would talk and hang out like anyone else, but they didn’t seem to spend an exorbitant amount of time together. AJ wasn’t stupid, though. He would recognize that look on Noelle’s face anywhere.

Brian walked over and took a seat next to AJ.

“Hey guys,” he greeted, causally. “Did you order already?”

AJ shook his head. “Not yet. The waiter hasn’t even been here.”

“Good.” Brian turned to Noelle. “Good morning, Noelle.”

Noelle smiled and peeked up from her menu. “Morning.”

AJ could feel a growing resentment toward Brian. Sure, any guy wants a cute 20-something-year-old crushing on him, but Brian was married and Noelle was his sister. This was different.

Brian turned back to AJ. He could feel the tension grow between them and he hated that. He should have just told AJ about him and Leighanne months ago. Then, maybe this thing AJ suspected between Brian and Noelle wouldn’t have caused any weird feelings.

“Do you have any plans today?” AJ asked, breaking the silence.

“Um,” Brian replied, then sighed. “Yeah. I’m going to be in the studio for a good part of the morning.”

“You’re working of your day off?” Noelle prodded, though secretly she was glad that Alex wouldn’t be able to snake him into their plans. She sensed that he was already picking up on this undefined thing between her and Brian.

Brian nodded. “Yeah, I’m the first one they’re bringing in to lay down vocals for the new album.”

“You didn’t have to do that today,” AJ replied.

“Yeah, I know,” Brian responded. “But if I get some stuff done early, that’s just less work for all of us later.”

“Okay,” AJ replied as he slowly nodded. “You’ve been doing a lot of extra work the past couple of months. Are you avoiding anything in particular?”

 “Nope, nothing. I’ve told you that a thousand times. I’ve got a new album to write too, you know. It’s not just all Backstreet all the time.” Brian chuckled tensely, trying to keep the mood up. He was afraid that AJ would mention Leighanne and he knew that this would be the worst possible time and place for Noelle to find out about his wife.

“Yeah, okay,” AJ replied, letting the conversation drop once again.

“Well, if you’re done by tonight, Alex and I are going to the club upstairs if you want to come,” Noelle offered, hoping to make a break in the strained conversation.

“That’s not really Brian’s thing,” AJ started, but Brian had already begun speaking.

“Yeah, sounds good.” Brian shot a look at AJ, who was looking back at him with another strange expression. “AJ’s right, it’s not really my thing, but I’ve been working hard. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to unwind a little. I should go though. I’m already running late.”

“You didn’t even eat,” Noelle replied, sad to see him leave.

“Duty calls,” Brian responded with a grin. “I’ll see you guys later though.”

Both Noelle and AJ nodded as Brian left.

“That was weird,” Noelle said softly. This time, she was the one that wasn’t privy to the odd behavior around her and it was kind of unsettling.

“Don’t worry about it,” AJ replied, softly. “I think Brian’s going through some stuff, or something. Speaking of, we should probably talk about him.”

“What for?” Noelle asked. “I don’t need to know Brian’s business. There’s kind of a cute guy over there that I want to go talk to.” Noelle quickly tried to change the subject. If Alex thought that she was scoping out other guys, he’d be less likely to think that she was attracted to Brian. “I heard him speaking English a little bit ago. I’ll be right back.”

AJ nodded and watched his sister walk away, confused. Once again, he wondered if he was making a big deal out of nothing. His sister could be a flirt and honestly, what harm would a little flirting do?

***

Throughout the rest of the day, Noelle and AJ took in all of the traditional Italian sight-seeing spots. They took pictures and hung out by themselves. A couple of times, AJ was recognized by fans, but Noelle was fine with that. She thought that it was incredibly cute the way that AJ and the other Boys could move so many people with their music—especially people that didn’t even understand the language.

Later that night, they went to the dance club in the hotel as planned. They had already been there for an hour and Brian still hadn’t shown up, though Nick, Howie and AJ were all there. Noelle could feel herself getting disappointed, but she shook it off. Brian didn’t owe her anything and besides, for all she knew he had gone upstairs and fallen asleep.

Just as Noelle began to resign herself to the fact that Brian wasn’t coming, he walked in. At first she didn’t see him, but he saw her. She was wearing a black and pink tunic mini-dress. Her dark hair was in a messy up-do with strands falling in her face. As Brian watched her dance with Nick in the center of the dance floor, he could feel the bitter head of jealousy poking through his being. He hated being jealous. At least Nick was really single. Well, openly single anyway.

As the song ended and blurred into another, Noelle looked up and saw Brian standing in the entryway balcony. He could swear that he saw her face light up at the sight of him, but then realized that was stupid and figured that his mind was playing tricks on him. He watched as she pointed him out to Nick. Nick waved him down, signaling for Brian to follow him to where the group’s table was hidden in the back corner or the bar.

Brian took the stairs down to the main floor quickly and followed the back of Nick’s blonde head to the table.

“Brian!” Howie slurred. “You’re here!”

“Yeah, D, I’m here,” Brian replied laughingly. “It looks like you started the party without me.”

“Howie D waits for no one,” Howie replied with a giggle. His wife, Leigh, looked on embarrassingly.

“Maybe I should bring him back downstairs?” Leigh wondered aloud.

“Nah,” Nick replied. “Let him have some fun. You guys just had a baby. You need to relax. Wait until he starts to really embarrass himself to get him out of here.”

“We’ve all been here for a couple of hours,” Noelle yelled to Brian over the booming bass of the music. “Were you working all this time?”

“No,” Brian admitted. “I laid down for a quick nap and didn’t wake up until 30 minutes or so ago.”

Noelle laughed. “You’re such an old man.”

Brian shrugged. “I wear my badge proudly. Where’s AJ?”

Noelle nodded toward the dance floor. “He’s dancing with some hot Italian chick. Naturally.”

“Naturally,” Brian repeated with a smile. He then moved in closer to her ear. “You look beautiful tonight.”

“That’s what I was going for,” she joked as a slight blush rose to her cheeks at Brian’s compliment.

She had to admit that he looked pretty amazing himself. He had on a dark jacket with dark jeans and a bright pink shirt. Not many men could pull it off, but Noelle was starting to believe that Brian would look good in anything.

“How about a drink?” Brian suggested.

Noelle nodded and then followed him to the bar. Both Brian and Noelle ordered a Long Island ice tea. Neither one of them were playing with the small stuff tonight. They both finished their drinks quickly and ordered another.

With each of their second Long Islands finished, Brian extended his hand to Noelle. “Do you want to dance?”

Noelle nodded and took his hand. Dancing the whole way, she led him to the floor. Instantly, they began to move in time with the music. Noelle turned her back so that she was dancing seductively against Brian’s front. Brian ran his hands down her sides. They were only dancing, but both of them were thinking about so much more. Part of Brian hoped that the others weren’t watching. Another part, however, didn’t care either way.

Throughout the night, the drinks kept flowing and Brian and Noelle stayed in their own little worlds on the dance floor. Every once in a while they made a trip back to the table so that the others wouldn’t get suspicious. A couple of times, Noelle even dragged Nick to the dance floor instead. As the night dragged on, Noelle and Brian wanted less and less to do with the others and more and more to do only with each other.

By 3 a.m., Howie and Leigh were long gone, followed shortly thereafter by Nick. AJ had found himself a female companion and was doing his best to seal the deal. As another song ended, Brian knew that he had never wanted anyone as badly as he wanted Noelle. They looked into each other’s eyes and knew that if either of them had any chance to walk away it had to be then.

Only a few feet behind them was a narrow hallway leading to the bathrooms. Noelle took a step away from Brian and pointed to that hallway. “I need to freshen up.”

Brian nodded and took a step back. “Yeah, yeah. Sure.”

Noelle turned quickly and walked toward the restrooms. If Brian was going to flee he had plenty of time to do it now. As Noelle entered the restroom, she leaned back against the door. There was a pulsing inside of her that was beating along with the bass of the music. She tilted her head back and willed the yearning to stop. There were so many reasons that Noelle could use to convince herself that running back to Brian was the wrong thing to do. He was Alex’s friend and co-worker. They would never see each other again after this tour was over. She had just gotten out of a relationship. Blah, blah, blah. There was one thing that kept pulling her back—the intense craving that her entire body felt to feel every inch of his body against hers. Noelle had decided, though. She was going back downstairs. She was going to go to bed and that would be it.

As she walked out of the bathroom it was like fate; Brian was distractedly walking out of the men’s room directly across from her. In that dark, abandoned hallway mere inches away from each other their eyes met and it was all over. Noelle pounced, sending Brian knocking back against the wooden hallway wall with a thump. Their lips met in an unmatched passionate kiss. Brian pushed off the wall with Noelle in his arms. He sent them flying into the adjacent wall. Noelle wrapped her legs around Brian’s waist. Brian caressed the soft skin on the back of her legs. Then, he let go. She dropped to the ground on one side of the hallway and he flew to the other.

“We can’t do this here,” Brian said shakily, as if his every nerve ending was piqued.

Noelle nodded. “Of course. You’re right.”

Brian took a step closer. “But I want to. More than you know.”

Without saying another word, Noelle tuned and exited that narrow hallway. She led Brian through the still thick crowd and up the stairs to the balcony exit. As quickly as it had started, they were gone.

From across the room, AJ watched as Brian and Noelle hurriedly left the club together. He knew that he didn’t have to worry, that nothing was going to happen between Brian and Noelle. Brian wasn’t a cheater. AJ had said that to himself a million times in the last month. Still, something inside wouldn’t let him believe it.

***

The next morning, Brian awoke with a smile on his face as the memories of his passionate night with Noelle the night before ran through his mind. He rolled over to reach out for her, but the bed next to him was empty. In Noelle’s place was a folded piece of hotel-room paper.

Brian unfolded the note and read it aloud to himself.

Brian,

I had an amazing night with you last night. I have a feeling AJ senses something between us, so I wanted to leave before he got curious. I’m sorry, but I didn’t have the heart to wake you.

I’ll see you at rehearsal later. Maybe we can meet up after the show?

XOXO,

Noelle

Brian smiled to himself and folded the note back over itself. He felt amazingly lifted. He finally remembered what it felt like to be happy and to feel something for someone else. He would have to come clean to Noelle about his entire life sometime soon, but selfishly, he wanted to bask in present time. There were no strings, no problems. Just two people who honestly felt something for each being together—the way that it was supposed to be.

In her room down the hall, Noelle’s thoughts were mirroring Brian’s. She couldn’t believe this amazing person had been right under her nose for years. He was a lover that was in sync with her every want and need. He was a friend that she could tell everything to. He was an all-around amazing guy.

She hadn’t wanted to get out of bed this morning. If it was up to her, they could have laid there undisturbed all day, but she knew that AJ was wondering. He had tried to talk to her about Brian yesterday, but she kept changing the subject. She didn’t want to hear all the reasons that she and Brian shouldn’t be together. She just wanted to be with him.

As she was getting dressed to accompany the Boys to their rehearsal, there was a light tapping on her hotel room door. Curiously, she walked to the entrance to her room and looked through the peephole. As she thought he would, Alex had come to check on her.

She opened the door and smiled. “Good morning, Alex.”

“Hey, Noelle,” AJ replied. “Can I come in?”

Noelle opened the door wider and allowed AJ to enter. She was going to let him speak his mind today. No matter what he had to say, Noelle was ready to stand up and tell him that it didn’t matter, because she cared about Brian and she thought that Brian cared about her too.

“What’s up?” Noelle asked, hoping that he’d just dive right in.

“Look,” AJ started slowly. He didn’t know the right way to say this without embarrassing his sister or seeming like he was getting into her business. “I saw you leave with Brian last night and before you say anything, I just—I know that Brian’s a good guy and if he’s leading you on he doesn’t mean to. I know that nothing has happened between the two of you, but I suspect that you want something to.”

“Alex, I--” Noelle started, but AJ cut her off.

“Noelle, you know that he’s married, don’t you?” AJ asked. “I mean, he told you that, didn’t he?”

Noelle tried to keep her face from visibly falling. She felt like the wind was sucked out of her. He was married and even after she told him her deepest, darkest secret, he still slept with her?

“Noelle?” AJ questioned. “Are you okay? Did you seriously not know that?”

Noelle shook her head to clear the thoughts for just long enough to get Alex to leave. “No, of course I knew. I know, duh, he’s married. He just doesn’t talk about it much and what I was going to say before is that I’m totally not into Brian. He’s just a--” Noelle choked on the rest of her sentence. “He’s just a cool guy.”

AJ nodded. “Okay, fine. As long as he told you and as long as you know that, I just don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t mean to—you know, pry or whatever.”

Noelle shook her head and swallowed back the lump that was rising in her throat.

“No, not at all,” she paused for a second and took in a deep breath. “Hey, I was planning on doing some shopping today instead of rehearsal. Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” AJ replied. “Whatever you want.”

“Good,” Noelle replied. “You should get going. You’re going to be late.”

AJ nodded and turned to leave the room. Once the door was shut securely behind him, Noelle broke down. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She leaned against the door to steady herself, but eventually her legs gave in and she slid down the down until she hit the floor. She couldn’t believe that she could be so dumb. She fell for another married man. He lied to her and manipulated her and let her tell him things. He had let her feel things for him and he never spoke a word about his wife.

Noelle stayed sitting on the floor and sobbed into her hands. She hated him. With everything inside of her, she hated Brian Littrell.

Later that afternoon, Brian was surprised when AJ arrived to the venue without Noelle in tow. His first reaction was that he had been caught in that college “booty call” game. After all, Noelle had left before he’d woken up. The only remnant of the night that they spent together was the note that she’d left on the bed.

Brian quickly rid himself of the thought. Though both he and Noelle had tried to be those people on the first night that they’d met, it had since become obvious that neither of them was able to resist the other. Brian couldn’t help but to wonder what would have happened if he had met Noelle earlier. It was a logical thought. She’d always been AJ’s sister.

Brian caught himself thinking that his failed marriage to Leighanne never would have happened had he met Noelle, but that was ridiculous, wasn’t it? He’d only known Noelle for a little over a month. There was no way that Brian could say that meeting Noelle earlier would have derailed his entire life over the last few years. At one point, Brian had been so in love with Leighanne that he couldn’t believe that he would have noticed Noelle. Not to mention the fact that Noelle’s nine years younger that Brian. If they had met ten years ago, she would have been in high school.

Still, Brian couldn’t help but to be disappointed that Noelle had decided not to come to the Boys’ rehearsal today. Seeing Noelle sitting out in one of the last rows of the venue during rehearsal—usually looking bored, sometimes skillfully playing with Nick’s Nintendo DS—was always enough to put a smile on Brian’s face.

Brian chuckled to himself as he thought back to their last rehearsal. Noelle had just beaten a level that she’d been stuck on in some Mario Brothers or Yoshi’s Island game of Nick’s. In the middle of one of the Backstreet Boys’ dance routines, she’d jumped up squealing excitedly and did a little happy dance of her own. Brian had started laughing and stopped dancing, which only caused the others to start running into each other. It was a mess.

As AJ took his stool next to Brian on the stage, he cleared his throat. Brian had a strange smile on his face, which oddly enough was making AJ a little bit sick.

“What are you laughing at?” AJ asked suddenly, which broke Brian from his reverie.

Brian shook head quickly. “Nothing. Just thinking about—nothing. Nevermind, it doesn’t even matter.”

AJ nodded slowly, letting it go. “So, where did you disappear to last night?”

Brian quickly turned to AJ. In the split second that he had to decide how to answer that, he scanned AJ’s face. Brian felt like AJ was testing him, though he couldn’t be sure. “I stayed for a while—hanging out with Noelle. Once she was ready to go, I left with her. You seemed to be preoccupied, so neither one of us felt it was necessary to bother you.”

“So, you just went to bed?” AJ prodded. He had no reason not to believe that was the case, but his brotherly defenses were starting to kick in.

Brian narrowed his eyes at AJ, confused. He wondered if Noelle had told him something, or worse, if he had decided to have a talk with Noelle. It really wasn’t like AJ to get into anyone else’s personal business, but lately, he sure had wanted to know a lot about Brian’s. “Yeah, I went to bed. Where else would I go?”

AJ shrugged. “I don’t know, Man. I’m just asking.”

“Is the third degree over? Are you going to tell me what your problem is now? Or am I supposed to just ignore this entire process?” Brian snapped, though he had a feeling that he should have kept his mouth shut.

“I don’t mean to give you a hard time. I just know that my sister is into you and I don’t want to see her get hurt,” AJ replied. “That’s all.”

Brian nodded. “Look, you brought her on this tour. You can’t expect that we’re all going to ignore her presence.”

“I don’t want you to ignore her,” AJ defended. “There’s something with you, I guess. She says that she knows that you’re married, but still.”

Brian could feel the blood draining from his face. AJ said something. How could he be stupid enough to think that no one would EVER mention his wife when Noelle was around, or hell, like AJ, directly TO Noelle. “S-so, you talked to her this morning?”

AJ nodded. “Yeah, she says that it’s nothing, that I’m overreacting. Who knows? Maybe I am.”

Shit. Brian thought to himself. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“What’s the matter with you?” AJ asked, his eyebrows knitted. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”

Brian shook his head quickly, unable he couldn’t speak. He thought that he was going to vomit. He felt like the biggest ass. After everything that she’d told him, he should have come right out with it. He should have just said that he was married, but that it was over. It seemed easy now. He had the separation papers, signed by both him and his wife. If he could only get Noelle to listen to him, he could tell her everything. He could show her that he wasn’t like that other guy. Maybe under different circumstances that would have worked, but not after everything that Noelle had already been through.

Brian needed this day to go by quickly so that he could get back to the hotel and talk to Noelle. He needed her to listen to him. She had given him feeling back. She had given him something to look forward to every day. He couldn’t just let this be it. She needed to hear the truth from him.

***

Like clockwork, Brian came banging on Noelle’s hotel room door immediately after returning from the venue. Noelle ignored the sound. She didn’t know if he and AJ had talked. She didn’t know if Brian knew that Noelle knew about his lies and manipulation, but Noelle wasn’t about to open that door to more lies and manipulation. There was no way she was going to allow herself to fall into that trap again.

So, when Brian banged, Noelle turned up the television.

When Brian banged some more, Noelle put a pillow over her ears.

She didn’t know whether the banging continued from that point or not. She did know that when she pulled the pillow away from her head, there was no one behind the door.

However, moments later, the banging began again. Noelle picked up her shoe off of the floor and threw it at the door. Brian went away for good.

Part of her thought that she should give Brian a chance to explain, but another part of her debunked that quicker than she was able to take another breath. There was nothing to explain. Brian was married. He’d said, “I do.” He vowed, “Til death do us part.” That was it. He wasn’t dead and Noelle assumed neither was his wife.

The worst part about it was that all Noelle had to do was put Brian’s name into a search engine, which she’d done today, and the pictures would come. Noelle got to see scans of the wedding. She got to see video of some stupid interview he and his freaking beautiful wife had done together. She was there. With Brian. All over the Internet.

Noelle knew that she could be pretty trusting, but when was enough going to be enough? How much would it take for her to finally become one of the millions of crazy, insecure women in this world?

Not only did Noelle feel used and taken advantage of, but worse than that, she was hurt. She really thought that Brian could have cared about her. She never even thought to come out and ask him if he was married. He didn’t have a ring on, which seemed odd to her now that none of the other guys would have mentioned anything about it missing; although she hadn’t been with them on the tour since the beginning so who knows what conversations the guys had before she’d gotten there. Noelle had really liked Brian. He was the first guy that she’d let herself get close to since Rob and what happened? Oh, only the same damn thing.

Noelle sighed to herself and slumped down into her bed. She had been trapped in that hotel room all day crying, but she refused to cry anymore. Rob wasn’t worth her tears and neither was Brian. Noelle had learned a long time ago that she couldn’t feel sorry for herself. She just had to be stronger than Brian. She just had to prove that he didn’t mean a thing to her—even if he did.

***

Admittedly, Brian’s behavior was turning stalker-like. Every time he heard a nearby door open or close he rushed to see if Noelle was leaving her room. It hadn’t ever been her.

Now, he was sitting out on his balcony staring down at the street below. He hoped that none of his fans recognized him up there and caused a scene. According to AJ, Noelle had been doing a lot of shopping at the local boutiques that lined the road that their hotel was on. Brian figured that if he sat there long enough, he would eventually spot Noelle on the street, and then he could make a run for it and catch up with her eventually.

The next day, the Boys were leaving Italy. Noelle and Brian would have to share the tour bus, but that was not the place that Brian wanted to have this discussion, especially if she was going to be loud and mad. Not that Brian cared about her telling the others that they’d slept together, maybe it would help him segue into telling them about his separation and pending divorce. He just didn’t want to be stuck with an irrational, mad woman in the middle of Italy somewhere. He could have that in Georgia.

Just as Brian was about to give up, he spotted Noelle walking out of the hotel. It was cloudy and windy; no doubt a storm was coming. Her hair was being whipped around her face and tangled in her over-sized sunglasses. Brian was stunned for a minute to finally see Noelle walk out of the hotel after two days, but he eventually got himself together and bolted from his room. He grew tired of waiting for the elevator and instead ran down the 10 flights of stairs and through the lobby. When Brian exited the hotel to the street, he took a left and headed the way that he saw Noelle going. When he saw her just a few feet in front of him, he froze. Though he’d rehearsed his lines in his mind, he didn’t know what he was going to say.

Something made Noelle turn around. When she saw him, a disgusted look washed over her face. She turned back and continued walking without a word.

Brian didn’t waste any time. He lurched forward and grabbed onto Noelle’s wrist so that she wouldn’t go any further. When Noelle whirled around, there was ice in her eyes.

Brian quickly let go. “Noelle, I’ve been trying to talk to you.”

“There is nothing that you can say that will make any difference to me.” Noelle shook her head, completely forgetting her strategy to pretend like he didn’t matter to her. “Not after everything that I told you. Just leave me alone.”

“That’s why I need to talk to you. I’m not like Rob. I really am leaving my wife.” Brian grimaced at the sound of his own voice. How typically adulterous did he just sound?

Noelle rolled her eyes. “Please. You don’t honestly expect me to fall for that again do you?”

“There’s nothing to fall for,” Brian replied. “We’re legally separated. I’ve got the papers upstairs. I can show you. We’re getting divorced as soon as I get home.”

“But she doesn’t know that yet, right? You promised her you’d try to make it work? All of your things are still at her house?” Noelle shook her head. “You’re the same as all the others.”

“I’m not--” Brian started, but Noelle cut him off.

“You are!” she yelled. “You are and I fell for it. I really started to care about you. Even if your entire story is true, you should have told me. You should have said something! After I poured my heart out to you, you kept looking at me that way that you look at me and you kept telling me that I was special and I fell for it and I slept with you! Just leave me alone. You’re no different than Rob, or any other guy out there that does the same thing.” Noelle could feel the tears burning in her eyelids as she began to walk away.

Brian reached out for her again. His heart was breaking. The last thing that he wanted to do was hurt her. “Noelle, please. Let’s just talk about this.”

“What don’t you get?” Noelle yelled, the tears now pouring down. “There’s nothing left to say! Just leave me alone. If you care about me one little bit, please, leave me alone.”

This time, Noelle didn’t take any chances. She turned and she ran and just as she begged for, Brian left her alone. That time, however, she wished that he had followed.

As the rain began to pour down, Noelle continued to run down the crowded Italian street. She ran until she couldn't breathe. She ran to punish herself, even though she knew that she hadn't done anything wrong. She needed to get as far away from where Brian was standing--calling out to her, wanting her--as she could, because as angry as she was at him, she still felt something when she looked into his eyes. She still wanted to be in his arms. She still wanted to see where their relationship could go.

When Noelle reached the end of the block, she stopped and leaned against the cool, stone side of the small bakery that was there and let the rain wash over her. She hated herself for feeling that way about Brian. She hated that she could possibly be that stupid again. Brian told her all of the same things that Rob had told her. The only difference was that Brian claimed that he was actually legally separated, which kind of makes the whole thing a little bit different.

As soon as Noelle caught herself thinking that maybe it was okay and that maybe she should give Brian a chance to explain, she reminded herself that none of his friends knew about this supposed 'separation'. Brian claimed that he was getting divorced after the tour was over, yet, he couldn't tell his best friends. Shouldn't that mean something? Shouldn't that be a sign that maybe Brian wasn't as sure in his decision as he thought that he was? Not to mention the fact that Brian should have told her that he was married when she poured her heart out to him about Rob. That was the perfect time. Maybe then, Noelle would have listened and let him tell his story, but not now. Not when he'd had so much time and he let Alex be the one to mention Brian's wife. Was that what Brian was waiting for? Someone else to give Noelle the bad news? Was he really that guy?

Noelle took in a shaky breath. She promised herself that she wouldn't cry over Brian again. They hadn't even been in a relationship. They'd slept together twice. They'd kissed a couple of times. They slept wrapped in each other's arms, but she was never Brian's girlfriend.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and pushed off the wall. She could still see the hotel in the distance down the street. She looked up to the top floor and wondered how many times the Backstreet Boys had stayed there. She wondered how many times Brian had slept with his wife on the top floor of that hotel, just as he had slept with Noelle.

She tried not to wonder about Brian's wife, but Noelle couldn't help herself. She wondered about their relationship. She wondered if Brian thought that his wife was prettier than she was. She wondered if what attracted Brian to his wife were some of the same things that attracted Brian to Noelle.

As Noelle began to slowly walk back toward the hotel, her mind was overcome with thoughts of Leighanne. She realized that she needed those answers. She needed to humanize Brian's wife. She needed to know who she was and how Brian loved her. Noelle's pace quickened as she made her way to see the one person that would honestly give Noelle the answers that she was looking for.

Her clothes dripped rain water on the smooth marble floor of the lobby as she made her way to the elevator and up to the top floor of the hotel. She took a deep breath as she stood in front of his hotel room. She brought her hand up to the door and let it rest there while she had second thoughts. Noelle shook her doubts away and let the threatening tears spill down her cheeks as she began to pound on the wooden door.

-----

Brian had stayed on the street as the rain began to pour. He watched Noelle sprint in the opposite direction until she disappeared and then, he turned slowly and went back to the hotel. When he got back to his room, he threw his dripping wet body onto the bed, where he had been lying ever since. He hadn't known Noelle for very long, but every moment that they'd had together was playing on repeat in his mind.

Brian had never felt worse about himself than he had since watching Noelle run away from him. He knew that he should have been up front with her, but he also knew that it would have changed everything—just like it did. He knew that he'd had the perfect opportunity to tell her everything. If he had, maybe she wouldn't have gotten as mad or, if she would have, maybe she would have given him a chance to explain or at least listened to his side of the story. Knowing what Noelle had just gone though with Rob, it was hard for Brian to believe that his side of the story would have even mattered. Yes, Brian was married, but legally separated had to mean something, didn't it? It had to prove that he was moving in a more positive direction that Noelle's last boyfriend, wasn't that right?

Still, Brian knew that once Noelle found out about Leighanne, it would have been hard for her to let herself feel something for him. Selfishly, Brian was glad that she had begun to care about him. He was hoping that somehow her feelings for him would allow her to give in and at least talk to him again. If he couldn't have her in his life the way that he wanted, he still wanted her to be able to talk to him. The European leg of the tour was almost over and it made Brian sick to think that Noelle wouldn't be around anymore when they got back to the United States. He didn't want things to end like this, especially when he didn't know when he would see her again after this was all over or if he would ever see her again at all.

Brian jumped when his phone vibrated on the table next to him. He wished with everything that he had inside of him that it was Noelle wanting to talk, but he knew that was probably asking too much, especially now. When he picked the phone up, he realized that it was his mother. He had been avoiding talking to her for weeks. Not because he thought that Leighanne had told her about their separation, but because she was his mother and, therefore, knew him better than anyone else. She knew when Brian wasn't telling her something. Brian knew, however, that his mom wouldn't understand when he told her that he was getting divorced.

Right before the phone switched to voicemail, Brian gave in and answered, “Hey, Mom.”

“Brian Thomas Littrell,” Jackie Littrell responded dramatically. “I was one ring away from finding out where you were in the world and buying a ticket to meet you there. I was worried about you. Both you and your wife have fallen off the face of the earth!”

“I'm sorry, Mom,” Brian replied, softly. “There's just been a lot going on.”

“I know that work is tough for you right now,” Jackie tried to sooth, “but this part of the tour is going to be over soon. You sound exhausted.”

“I am,” Brian replied with a sigh, “but Mom, that's not really the problem here.”

“Oh, no,” Jackie responded. “What's the matter? The last time I heard this tone from you, you told me that you were having heart surgery.”

“It's nothing life or death, Mom,” Brian paused, wondering how to continue. “I need you to listen and not judge, okay?”

“Only God can judge, Brian,” Jackie replied softly, urging him to continue.

Brian sighed again and closed his eyes. “Mom,” he started slowly, “Leighanne and I are separated.”

“You mean, like, she's in Georgia and you're over in Europe, right?” Jackie spoke slowly and then held her breath.

“No, Mom,” Brian replied. He gulped before continuing. “We are legally separated. I left her.”

“Brian, how could you?” Jackie gasped into the phone. “You made a promise to Leighanne and an oath under God. Thick and thin. Til death do you part. Doesn't that mean anything to you?”

“Of course it does! But what happens when thin turns into non-existent?” Brian asked.

“You try harder. You don't leave your wife!” Jackie was fuming. She knew that she raised Brian better than this. She knew that she raised him to not give up.

“I knew that you would react like this. That's why I didn't tell you months ago,” Brian replied.

His mother was upset and he couldn't say that he blamed her or that he didn't expect it. Part of him was glad that he was able to get all this leaving his wife stuff done today.

“Months ago?” Jackie yelled. “This happened months ago? Brian, marriage is hard work. It's not always going to be rainbows and butterflies. Do you think that there weren't times when I wondered what else was out there? Do you honestly believe that things were always good for your father and I? No, of course not. But we stuck it out and that's exactly what you're going to do. That's what your faith tells you to do.”

“How can you even say that? You weren't there. You don't live in my marriage. You don't know what I've stuck out and what I haven't. It's done. Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, the real sin was living a lie and marrying Leighanne in the first place? That maybe God knew that this was coming because I've been lying to myself and to Him for the last six years?” Brian yelled back. “I don't know about you, but I believe in a loving, forgiving God.”

“Yes, God is loving and forgiving, but you have to help yourself. God doesn't let mistakes like this happen,” Jackie replied softly, though she had to admit that part of her could see Brian's point.

Brian couldn't help but to chuckle. “No, not all all. God would never allow marriages that aren't meant to be happen. There has to be some other reason why 50 percent of all marriages fail in this country.”

“Brian, there is a difference between a legal marriage and a marriage under God, you know that,” Jackie argued.

“You can't honestly believe that all marriages that end are marriages that are non-religious in nature. We all make mistakes. I'm pretty sure that I learned a long time ago that Jesus Christ died so that our sins may be forgiven,” Brian replied, wondering how he and his mother had gone from talking about his marriage to debating religion. “We all sin. I've thought about it a lot, Mom. I don't think that me divorcing Leighanne is the sin. I think that me ever marrying her, thinking that she was my soul mate... it was all a lie. I've lied to myself, I've lied to Leigh and I've lied to God and now, it's time to make it right. I don't believe that God wants me to live a loveless life full of misery, do you?”

“No, Brian, but you keep saying you think. You think that it's all a lie. You think that you made a mistake,” Jackie replied calmly. “Don't you think that you should know before making another mistake? Before filing for divorce?”

Brian sighed deeply and closed his eyes again.

“I misspoke,” he said quietly. “I don't think. I know, Mom. It's over. It's just so... over.”

“And Leighanne?” Jackie questioned, trying her best to hold back the tears that were welling in her eyes for her son and for the daughter-in-law who she loved. “Does she know where this is going? Does she know yet that it's over?”

 “No, not yet. This isn't a conversation that I want to have over the phone.” Brian was relieved when there was suddenly a knock on the door. “Look Mom. Someone's here, I've got to go. I'll call you soon. I love you.”

After promising to call her back later to discuss this whole 'separation' thing further, Brian and his mom said 'goodbye'. He ended the call and rushed down the narrow hallway to open the door for whoever was waiting. Of course, Brian hoped for the best, though after a day like the day that he was having he knew to expect the worst.

As Noelle banged on the door, tears streamed down her face. She promised herself that she wouldn't cry. She swore that she was just coming to him for answers and nothing else, but as every conversation, every little touch, every smile came flooding back to her, she lost control. When no one answered the door right away, she banged louder.

Finally, she heard the thumping of heavy footsteps on the carpeted floor. There was a pause as he looked through the peephole to see who was banging so urgently from the hallway. When he saw that it was Noelle, he quickly unlatched the lock and swung the door opened.

“Noelle?” AJ answered, and immediately reached out for his crying sister. “What's the matter, Sweetie? Are you okay?”

Noelle could only shake her head as she continued to sob.

AJ pulled her inside his room and wiped her eyes with the backs of his thumbs. “Noelle, talk to me. What's going on?”

“I need to know something,” she hiccupped through her tears. “I need you to tell me something.”

AJ nodded slowly. “Yeah, Honey, anything.”

“Tell me about his wife. Tell me about their relationship. Tell me everything. Tell me something. Give me a reason to want to care that he actually has a wife,” Noelle sobbed, knowing that AJ had no idea what she was talking about. Her plan was to come in quietly and hang out with her brother and then, maybe, casually talk about Brian's wife. It hadn’t happened to work out that way.

 AJ's heart dropped to his knees. He knew that Noelle was falling for Brian, but he didn't expect a reaction like this. “Noah, I'm sorry. I knew that you cared about him. I should have talked to you about Brian sooner.”

“I lied to you earlier,” Noelle replied as her sobbing began to slow down. “I didn't know about his wife.”

 AJ nodded and began to feel the anger surge inside of him. “Yeah, I assumed as much.”

“And there's more.” She paused until AJ nodded, urging her to continue. “We slept together, more than once. I tried to fight my feelings for him because of some other things that are going on in my life and because he's your friend, but it happened. He stopped me today on the street and he told me that he was different. He told me that he and his wife were separated and that I mattered to him and I felt myself caving in, so that's why I'm here. I need to hear it from you. I need to know what they were like together. I need to hear that she's a good person. I need to hear something that will keep me away.”

 AJ clenched his jaw and balled his fists. He wanted to go down the hallway and knock Brian out for hurting his sister. It was so out of character for Brian to do something like this that it was almost unbelievable. “Noelle, I'm so sorry. I-”

 Noelle shook her head and put her hands up in front of her to stop him. “I don't need you to be sorry. I need you to tell me what I need to know. I need you to tell me the things that will help me to get over him. Make him into a cold, conniving, manipulator.”

 AJ shook his head sadly. “I really wish that I could. I want to be able to tell you that he's a womanizing jackass, but he never was that guy. I mean, he and Leighanne had been having some problems, but he never talked to anyone about it. I think he would have told us if they were separated. I don't know how he could keep it out of the media, except, I guess, no one's really looking for that kind of information about us anymore.”

“You're not helping,” Noelle replied with a sigh as she walked over to AJ’s bed and threw herself down. She sank into the plush down comforter and almost felt a little bit better.

“I’m sorry,” AJ replied, though he knew that saying ‘sorry’ wasn’t helping. “Do you want me to lie to you? Do you want me to tell you that he was always a terrible person? I'm not trying to take up for him because I think that what he did to you was horrible, but all the same, he was always the good one. I really don't know what to say. Why don't you start? Tell me how all of this happened?”

 “Well,” Noelle started, and then paused, trying to get the words right in her mind. “You see. Brian, um, well, do you remember 'hunky'?”

AJ shook his head, not wanting to believe it. Noelle and Brian slept together on the first night that she had been here.

“No,” he gasped in disbelief.

Noelle nodded. “Yeah. Brian was hunky. We met in the hotel bar in Germany, got drunk together and had really amazing sex, like, three times.”

 AJ grimaced as his stomach turned. “Seriously, Noelle?”

Noelle mustered a small smile and sighed. “Sorry. Anyway, the next morning, you came banging at the door and we realized who each other was and we decided that it was never going to happen again. We tried to avoid each other, but that's mostly impossible. We have this unbelievable connection. We started hanging out—as friends—and then one thing led to another and a couple of days ago, we slept together again. When you came to my room to talk to me about him, I was about to tell you about our relationship, but you beat me to the punch. Today, we finally had it out in the streets. I told him to leave me alone and he did.”

“So, he's at least being respectful now, I guess.” He was trying to look at this objectively, but it was hard when this was his sister and the guy was Brian.

“That's when he told me about the separation. The thing is, this isn't the first time that I've gotten myself into this mess.” She paused again. She figured that since she was letting skeletons out of the closet, she might as well come completely clean. “You see, the real reason I'm out here is because I was kicked out of medical school for having a relationship with my married professor.”

“Noelle,” AJ groaned as he slapped his hand to his forehead.

“I know,” Noelle sighed. “I’m a slut, but I really cared about him and I was really starting to care about Brian and they both used and took advantage of me, not that I’m taking the responsibility off of myself, because I’m still a slut either way.”

AJ rolled his eyes. “You’re not a slut.”

When Noelle just shrugged in response, he continued, “So, did Brian know?”

 “Not at first,” Noelle replied, “no, but eventually, yeah.”

 “So, he had time to tell you about Leighanne?”

“Yeah. That's what makes me so sick about this whole thing is that he knew that I'd gone through it already. So, tell me about the wife. Make her matter to me. I looked them up and she’s totally hot.” Noelle sat up on her elbows on AJ’s bed, a sad expression was etched onto her face. “Do you think she’s hot?”

AJ looked at his sister out of the corner of his eye wondering if he should tell her the truth and then, he shook his head. “No, she's a total dog.”

----

As Brian hung up the phone with his mother he rushed to answer the door. He swung the door opened and was met by a fist to the face. Brian took a step back as he clenched his bleeding nose in his hand. “Dude, what the hell did you do that for?”

“That was for Noelle,” AJ yelled from his place in the doorway. “You're a fucking asshole. I just came here to tell you that you and I are done.”

“You broke my fucking nose, AJ, you aren't even going to give me a chance to explain?” Brian yelled through his pain.

“There's nothing to explain. You stopped wearing your wedding ring. You and Leighanne are having problems, fine. Go break someone else's sister's heart, don't use mine because she's here and she's convenient! We all know that you and Leighanne are going to be fine, but that girl in there is broken to pieces,” AJ screamed, “and I'll NEVER forgive you for that.”

With that, AJ turned and stomped down the hallway.

Brian ran out of the doorway, nose still bleeding, to try to stop him.

“AJ,” Brian called to his friend’s back. “AJ, come on!”

AJ threw his hands up and continued walking without ever turning back.

 “Fine,” Brian screamed. “Fuck you, too! Fuck you both!” He was only met in response with the slamming of a hotel room door down the hallway and then complete, deafening silence. 

The days of the week suddenly became a blur. The rest of the Boys' Italian dates fly by. On the tour’s last day in Italy, Brian received a package that he'd been waiting for—the divorce papers that he was planning to give to Leighanne and file in Atlanta in just a few short weeks.

On the morning of departure, the package was still sitting on the small breakfast table that adorned the room. Brian had been unable to open it. After a week like the week he had been having, he half expected something to jump out of the package and attack him for wanting to live his life. Granted, he hadn't made the best decisions, but of all people, his friends should have been willing to hear his side of the story.

After their confrontation, AJ had run to Nick and Howie and told them his version of the truth and with that, Brian's work life became an island. He sang what he was supposed to sing, answered the questions that he was supposed to answer and then went to be by himself. If his friends only cared about what he had supposedly done to Noelle, then that was fine. Just like AJ, they could fuck off. It didn't matter that he actually cared about her. It didn't matter that, hell, he was legally-fucking-separated from his wife.

No, to the men he called his best friends, none of that mattered. Brian knew that he was to blame. If he couldn’t trust his friends enough to confide in them about the problems that he and Leighanne were going through, then he couldn’t blame them for not trusting him when all was said and done.

Finally, Brian opened the package and began to scan the documents. There was something in the divorce papers about agreeing to give Leighanne some kind of settlement despite their prenuptial agreement, but basically, it said, ‘sign here to end your marriage’.

Brian clenched the pen in his hands. Immediately, tears began to swell in his eyes. He wasn't completely cold-hearted. The end of his marriage still hurt, despite knowing that it was right.

As he put the pen to the paper, he closed his eyes and signed his name. He opened one eye first and then the other. Then, he sighed as he looked at his scrawled name staring up at him from the dotted line. He'd only scanned the documents, but it didn't matter what they said. Brian had asked his lawyers to represent them both, but to keep it quiet for a while. He knew that the papers were fair and, truthfully, he knew that he was going to give Leighanne whatever she asked for anyway—even if it cleaned him dry.

Brian's phone buzzed just then, signaling to him that it was time to catch the shuttle to the airport. They were off to London for their last week of shows and appearances and then it was back home for a week to face the music.

-----

Breakfast had become a tradition for Noelle and AJ, especially the day that they left for a new city. On this day, however, Noelle could feel the ramifications of running around in the rain. Her head was pounding and just the smell of food was making her stomach turn.

“Noelle,” AJ asked as he sat down at the table across from his sister. “Are you okay?”

Noelle nodded slowly. “Yeah, Man. I'm just not feeling that well. I'm ready to get on the plane so that I can just sleep for a few hours.”

AJ nodded slowly. He knew that the normal stress of being on tour got to people that weren’t used to it pretty quickly, but he was sure that Noelle’s brain and body had gotten twice the stress-related dosage. “Do you want me to call you a doctor when we get to London?”

Noelle shook her head and laughed softly. “No, I'm fine. I just need some soup and some sleep. You warned me that touring will do this to a person, I should have listened.”

“You want to grab some soup to-go?” AJ asked as he glanced at his watch. “We need to get going here pretty soon.”

“Yeah,” Noelle replied. “That'll be good, if they have any. It is breakfast time.”

AJ chuckled softly. “They’ll find us some.”

“Thanks. So,” Noelle started slowly, not entirely sure that she should bring up the topic that she wanted to. “Have you spoken to Brian?”

“Nope, not since that day.” AJ glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “Have you?”

Noelle sighed and shook her head. “Nope. Not at all. He must hate me. I mean, he didn't even try.”

“He doesn't hate you, Noelle. There's no way that he hates you. He probably feels like a douche bag. And anyway, you shouldn’t care if he hates you, because you should be the one hating him,” AJ replied softly.

Noelle shrugged as she ran her hands through her hair. “I guess I should, but I don’t.”

Meanwhile, as Brian was making his way through the hotel lobby, he noticed AJ and Noelle sitting at a breakfast table inside of the restaurant alone. He stood frozen in his tracks, watching them as anger and frustration rose inside of him. Tucked under his arm was the folder with his separation and pending divorce papers. He stopped and clenched the manila folder in his hand, but then continued walking. As he reached the sliding glass doors, he left his luggage with the bellhop and then rashly turned toward that restaurant. Whether they believed him or not didn't matter anymore. They could believe what they wanted after they had the proof in their hands.

As Brian reached Noelle and AJ’s table, he knew that he should have just gotten on the shuttle and gone to the airport. Instead, he stopped and slammed the manila envelope down, causing the water glasses to shake and the guests at the nearby tables to give him dirty looks. Noelle looked up at him with large, shocked eyes as AJ whirled around ready to pounce. “Both of you have had a lot to say about me the last couple of days.”

“Brian,” AJ stopped him, standing up from his seat at the table. “Noelle and I both told you to leave us alone. Enough is enough. Nothing that you can say is going to change our opinions of you.”

“I don't give a shit about your opinion of me. Sit down and shut up,” Brian growled back, before turning to Noelle. “You can believe whatever you want about my character, but here, in this folder are the divorce papers and the separation papers, both signed by me.” He took out copies of both and laid them down on the table. “Like I said, believe whatever you want about me, but my feelings for you are real. You made me feel something despite everything going on in my life. You made me realize that it didn't have to be like this anymore. The separation was because I was scared of taking the next step, but here it is. Right here. If you want to protect yourself and tell yourself that I'm just like him, that's fine, but you're not taking me down with you.”

Noelle glanced down at the papers that Brian had tossed in front of her and then looked up at Brian's piercing gaze. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

“Brian,” AJ interrupted again. “That's really enough. You made your point, but it doesn't change anything. Just go, Dude.”

Brian glared at AJ disgustedly. “That's fine, Man. I'm already gone.” He turned to leave and then stopped again. “No, you know what, I gave you chance after chance after you screwed up. You're a hypocrite in the worst way and you know what else?” Brian stopped and he punched AJ in the face as AJ had done to him two days earlier. “Call that a delayed reaction.”

With that, Brian walked away, feeling proud and disgusted with himself all at once.

The Backstreet Boys' tour had landed in London three days earlier and the tension in the group was higher than ever before. Both Brian and AJ had broken noses and weren't speaking to each other. The rumors among the crew were running rampant. Given Brian's reputation as the 'good boy', most assumed that he'd done no wrong. The most popular rumor these days was that AJ had slept with Brian's wife, which quickly explained why Brian hadn't been wearing his wedding ring. Luckily, the rumors hadn't gone further than the inner workings of the tour, but still, Brian was a mess.

In his hotel room, Brian was pacing the maroon-carpeted floor thinking about how, in just a few days, he was going to be back in Atlanta serving his wife with divorce papers. Then, he would be back on the road with three guys that hated him—two of which that didn't even really know why they hated him in the first place except for some rumors that were spread by AJ himself.

And then, of course, there was Noelle. She hadn't been around as much these last couple of days. In passing, Brian had heard someone mention that she had the flu. Not seeing her immediately after he decked her brother was okay with Brian, but deep down he had hoped that she would come to him. He understood that he had been wrong. He should have told Noelle that he had a wife. He should have sat her down and talked to her calmly and let her be upset or confused for a little while. He knew everything that he was supposed to have done. But he didn't do it, and he had screwed up royally.

Brian also knew that in just a few days, he and Noelle would be parting ways for good and he wouldn't have any time to make it up to her; he wouldn't have time to tell her how he really felt about her. As selfish as it was, Brian wanted just one more moment with her. He wanted one more kiss, one more touch, one more time.

No, that wasn’t true; he wanted more than just one. He wanted her around all the time. He missed her. He missed her laugh, and her nervous ramble, and her spontaneity. He missed everything.

Suddenly, Brian's chest started to feel heavy. He could feel a panic attack coming on and he knew that he needed to breathe. In his room, he felt claustrophobic. He needed to get out.

Brian threw open the door of his room and raced down the hallway. It was the Boys' day off and it was pretty early. He knew that no one was going to be around, and he was okay with that. At least, he hoped that no one was around to witness his meltdown.

Brian tapped his toe impatiently as he waited for the elevator. His nerves were getting the best of him. For some reason, he couldn't stop moving. Just as the elevator dinged and Brian was about to step on, one of the hotel's maids grabbed his arm, panicked. She was a short, stout, Hispanic lady who spoke broken English. She pointed at Brian and, in a thick Spanish accent, asked, “Backstreet Boy?”

Brian nodded and tried his best to smile. He wanted out of this hotel so bad.

“Do you want me to sign something for you?” Brian asked slowly, while doing his best to run through the motions so that she understood.

“No. You come.” She then turned and marched back down the hallway. When Brian didn't immediately follow, she stopped and waved him along impatiently.

Brian stuffed his hands into his pockets and sighed deeply. He wondered what he could possibly be following the maid towards.

The maid stopped at a door just three down from his room and pointed inside. “Girl, very sick.”

Brian shook his head, quickly realizing that this was Noelle's room. “No, you've got the wrong guy. AJ. You're looking for AJ. Tall. Tattoos.”

Brian continued his name of charades lifting his arm to indicate height and pointing at the cross on his own arm.

The maid shook her head and pushed Brian into the room. She pointed at the bed and repeated, “Very Sick.”

Brian searched the maid's face and realized that she looked seriously worried.

Reluctantly, he walked further into Noelle's room. It was so hot in the room that it was steamy and Brian was sure that he was immediately beginning to sweat. When he got closer, he noticed Noelle, bundled underneath the thick down comforter, trembling. Her face was frighteningly pale. Her lips were bright red and chapped. Her eyes had dark circles around them. You could see little red spots dotting her face where the blood vessels had broken from throwing up. She looked like death.

Brian rushed over to Noelle and knelt down beside the bed.

“Noelle?” Brian said softly as he ran his hands through her hair. “Noelle?”

Noelle's eyes fluttered opened. Brian was sure that she looked relieved to see him, but he couldn't be quite sure because she closed them again so quickly.

“W-what are y-you do-doing here?” Noelle stammered softly.

“The maid found me at the elevator. She was worried about you, and Honey, so am I. I'm sorry, but you look terrible. I think that we need to get you to a doctor,” Brian replied, as he put an arm around her trembling shoulders to give her some of his body warmth.

“I-I'm fine,” she answered weakly, but leaned into him so that he could warm her further.

“You're not fine,” Brian responded sternly. When he reached up and touched her forehead, it was so hot that Brian literally had to pull his hand away. “Where is AJ?”

“Paris.”

Brian nodded angrily. He couldn't believe that he had left Noelle here looking like this so that he could do his solo shows in Paris tonight. How dare AJ get mad at him for caring about his sister, when he so obviously didn't give a crap. Brian picked up the phone next to the bed and called the downstairs lobby.

“What are you doing?” Noelle asked slowly. “Please just leave me alone.”

Brian ignored her request. He needed to get her to the hospital. “This is Brian Littrell. I'm on my way downstairs with Noelle McLean. We need a car to take us to the hospital immediately.”

Noelle began to shake her head, but Brian ignored her again and continued speaking to the receptionist. “No, we don't need an ambulance; a car will be fine, thank you.”

Brian then turned to Noelle again. “Do you think that you can walk downstairs?” He asked gently.

“I'm not going to the hospital,” Noelle replied, sternly. “I'm fine. Will you please just leave me alone?”

“Do you want me to get a mirror?” Brian argued. “You look like you're two breaths away from death. I'm not having your blood on my hands. I'm already in too much trouble because of you.”

“Because of me?” Noelle squeaked out somehow seeming to find her strength. “Because of yourself, adulterer.”

Brian rolled his eyes and let that one go. He knew that this wasn't the time or the place to have this argument. Instead, he scooped a squirming Noelle up out of the bed and carried her all the way down the elevator and through the lobby. Once she realized that Brian wasn't going to put her down, she wrapped an arm around his neck and laid her head down against his chest. Brian had to admit that despite the circumstances it was good to have her back in his arms.

He loaded her into the car quickly and asked the driver to take them to the nearest hospital. When he saw that Noelle was trembling again, he asked him to please turn the heater on. The driver gave him the craziest look he'd ever gotten, but he didn't care. Once Brian explained that Noelle was sick, the driver understood and complied. Both to give her some extra warmth and just because he wanted to, Brian wrapped his arm around Noelle's shoulders and rubbed her arm slowly.

“You could get into a lot of trouble for this,” Noelle said softly as she gazed out the window.

“I don't care what AJ thinks anymore, Noelle. Someone needed to take care of you. You obviously weren't taking care of yourself.” Brian sighed deeply and stared out of the opposite window.

“I-I didn't mean with, AJ,” Noelle replied softly. “I meant with the press. Your wife?”

Brian shook his head and clenched his jaw angrily. “I'm not going to argue about this with you now, Noelle. I've already tried to tell you. I showed you the papers. I don't know how much more you want from me.”

Noelle sighed deeply and then covered her mouth with her hand as she rolled the window down with the other hand. Then, without much warning, she puked out the window. Brian held her hair out of her face, even though he was actually really grossed out. He prayed that he didn't throw up, too, because that would have been too much for him to take.

Noelle wiped her mouth embarrassedly and gave Brian a smirk.

“Brian, seriously,” Noelle started weakly. “It's just the flu.”

Brian shrugged. “Maybe so, but I'm not taking any chances. You can hardly say two words without running out of breath.”

Noelle just shrugged, finally deciding to give up the fight because it wasn't going to matter. Soon later, the pair arrived at the hospital. When Brian tried to take Noelle into his arms, she waved him off and shuffled to the door. When a nurse saw them walking in, she quickly came over with a wheelchair. At first, Noelle tried to wave her off too, but since she only walked two feet and was already breathing heavily and feeling dizzy, she sat down and let herself be wheeled to the waiting room.

They didn't wait long before the staff pulled Noelle into one of the makeshift emergency hospital rooms and took her vital signs. Her fever was through the roof at 103.1 degrees. When the doctor heard congestion in her lungs, he ordered a chest x-ray and soon, they wheeled Noelle out of the room and Brian was alone again.

After a couple of minutes Brian figured that he should probably call AJ, but then decided against it. He could wait until he knew what was wrong with Noelle first. If AJ left Noelle looking the way that she had, then he didn't need to know that she was in the hospital right away.

When they rolled Noelle back into the hospital room a few minutes later, she had a surgical mask over her face and Brian couldn't help but to chuckle.

“Don't laugh at me,” Noelle mumbled through her mask. “I told you. I just have a bad flu, that's why I have to wear this stupid thing on my face. I already can't breathe, Brian.”

Brian shook his head and tried to hide his smile. “You don't know that you just have the flu. Why don't you try to get some sleep until the doctor comes back?”

“The doctor's already back,” Dr. Michael Hensen interrupted in his English accent. “Your friend is right Noelle, you don't just have the flu. You can take the mask off.”

Noelle sighed nervously and pulled the mask off of her face.

“So, what's wrong with me?” she asked weakly.

“You have pneumonia, which in a lot of ways can feel like the flu, and a collapsed lung which is why you keep running out of breath. Your friend here was right in bringing you to the hospital. We're going to admit you and keep you over night to start you on some antibiotics and get your fluids back up. You should start to feel better pretty quicky,” the doctor responded, and then patted Noelle's hand. “The nurse will be right in to bring you upstairs.”

Noelle nodded and Brian thanked the doctor as he left the room.

“See,” Brian said. “Not the flu.”

Noelle nodded again, gracefully accepting defeat. “Thank you for looking out for me.”

“Someone had to,” Brian replied, starting to feel his anger rise again.

“I told Alex to go. I told him that I was fine. Leave him alone,” Noelle argued, though she just didn't have the fight in her. Her eyes just wanted to close.

“You told me to go too,” Brian replied, but then stopped and picked up her hand gently in his. “You need to get some sleep. I'm sorry for keeping you up. We can argue about all of this later.” He kissed Noelle's hand gently and was glad to see that she smiled when he did so. “I'm going to go call your brother for you.”

Noelle nodded as she drifted off, and Brian left the room to dial AJ's number. There was no answer, so he left a message. “I'm just calling to tell you that your sister is in the hospital here in London. Way to go, big brother.”

And then, he hung up. No, it wasn't the mature thing to do, but Brian and AJ had left mature behind the week before in Italy.

 Over the next couple of hours, Brian tried AJ a few more times, but he never picked up. When he saw Noelle's cell phone sitting on the tray next to the bed, he figured that it was worth a try. He dialed AJ's cell phone number and waited.

AJ picked up after the second ring. “Hey Noah, can you believe that Brian's called me about 15 times? He must be sick of being the pariah for once.”

 “Hey Buddy,” Brian said sarcastically. “It's the pariah.”

“What the hell do you want? And why are you calling me from Noelle's phone?” AJ growled, though Brian knew that he was probably just embarrassed.

“I'm calling from Noelle's phone because you wouldn't answer my phone calls,” Brian replied, trying to stay calm when really he just wanted to punch AJ again. “She's in the hospital. She has pneumonia.”

“What?” AJ responded, shocked. “She was fine when I left.”

“She wasn't fine when you left. One of her lungs collapsed, but it's okay because it'll fix itself once the pneumonia starts to clear. So, have a good time in Paris. I'll be here with your sick sister,” Brian replied sarcastically. He knew that AJ felt terrible, but he couldn't help wanting him to feel a little but worse. Once again, not the most mature or Christian thing, but who the hell was Brian kidding? He was probably on God's shit list right about now.

“Look, Douche bag,” AJ replied, “I'll be there soon. And for the record, I haven't been in the hospital as much as you. She seemed liked she had the flu. I didn't get my medical degree through childhood sickness, sorry.”

“That was low, AJ,” Brian replied. “Even for you. I just wanted you to know that your sister is sick. She's in the hospital. Do want you want with that information.”

And with that, Brian hung up. Secretly, he'd hoped that he and AJ could get over this thing that happened to them eventually, but with both of them taking stabs at each other, that didn't seem like it was going to happen. When Brian walked back over to Noelle's bed, they were transferring her to another and getting her ready to take to one of the admitting floors.

When Brian walked over, Noelle smiled. She was actually glad that he was around. It sucked to be sick alone and she couldn't help but to feel growing warmth inside of her when she thought about how he had taken charge and taken care of her. Admittedly, she missed him. Part of her wanted him to crawl into the bed with her and hold her while she slept, though she'd never admit that to him.

She had questions. She had been thinking about him and if it hadn't been for being so sick, she probably would have given in and spoken to him. Now, she was so tired. She knew that the talking could wait until later.

When Brian and Noelle got to Noelle's hospital room, she immediately fell asleep. Brian didn't have a problem sitting there, just watching her chest rise and fall slowly as she breathed. Without thinking about it, he laced his fingers in hers and squeezed her hand gently. He could literally sit there forever, if she needed him.

Brian and Noelle had never been in a relationship, really. They had slept together a couple of times and were on the verge of maybe getting together for real, but there was no title. She wasn't ever his girlfriend, but he felt a stronger connection to her than he felt to anyone in a long time. He certainly hadn't ever felt this connection this quickly.

Brian had a lot of time to think about where his marriage had gone wrong recently. He'd found that he probably should have gone back to before the marriage even happened. He and Leighanne had been together for three years. It was the next logical step to get married. He loved her, but he never thought about whether he could love her forever and that was his first mistake.

Brian was afraid to admit it, but he felt like he loved Leighanne, but he was in love with Noelle.

He knew that was crazy. He knew that he couldn't be in love with Noelle. They'd only known each other a couple of months. There was nothing to base this love off of other than a couple of the best sexual experiences he'd ever had and a few late night conversations. All Brian knew is that he felt sick without her. Since meeting Noelle, nothing felt right if she wasn't around. She made everything in Brian's life better, which was a scary thought.

Noelle stirred lightly in her sleep and gently squeezed Brian's hand back, but she didn't wake up. Brian smiled softly and leaned back into his chair. He propped his feet up onto the bed and was starting to make himself comfortable when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled the phone out quickly and saw that it was Leighanne.

She had called two other times that day and Brian had ignored it both times. She hadn't been calling lately. Brian assumed that he should answer the phone.

“Hello?” he whispered as he walked out of Noelle's room.

“Brian!” Leighanne exclaimed. “I've been trying to call everyone out there. I heard that you were seen entering a hospital in London this morning.”

Brian sighed heavily. He should have known that Leighanne was keeping up-to-the-minute tabs on him. “I was, but I'm fine. AJ's sister was sick. She has pneumonia.”

“Oh,” Leighanne replied, sounding halfway relieved. “So then, you're there with her? I didn't hear anything about AJ being there.”

“Yeah, I'm here with her,” Brian replied simply. “So, it's fine. I'm fine.”

“So, why isn't AJ there? I mean, why are you with her? I didn't even know AJ had a sister,” Leighanne responded quickly, starting to sound panicked.

“AJ wasn't around. He had some solo shows or something and yeah, Noelle is his half sister,” Brian said slowly, then sighed again. “So, like I said, I'm good.”

“Good. So, are you seeing her or something? I mean, it's just surprising that one of your managers didn't bring her to the hospital if her brother wasn't around,” Leighanne probed. The thought of Brian seeing someone else nearly killed her every time. “Why you?”

“Leigh, seriously, I told you what happened and I'm fine. You don't need to worry,” Brian replied. He was starting to get frustrated, which admittedly wasn't really fair.

“You didn't answer my question,” Leighanne replied seriously, not letting Brian out that easily. “Are you seeing her?”

“No, Leighanne!” Brian yelled. A week ago, Brian wouldn't have even known how to answer that question, but now he told her the truth; he wasn't seeing Noelle. “I'm not seeing her. I've got to go. I'm in a hospital. I'll be back in Atlanta in a few days.”

“Home, Brian,” Leighanne corrected him sternly. “You'll be home in a few days.”

Brian sighed again. Pretty soon, this hospital was going to be admitting him for mental illness.

“Bye Leighanne. I'll talk to you in a few days.”

Brian hung up. His head spun every time that he spoke to Leighanne. He knew that he was about to break her heart and while he didn't want to hurt her, the sheer annoyance that he felt just by hearing her voice was enough to send him over the edge. Maybe that wasn't fair to her. Okay, it wasn't fair to her, but what was done was done and Brian had come to the conclusion months ago that he wasn't ever going to feel differently.

He walked slowly, exhausted, back into Noelle's hospital room. He was half-mortified when he saw that she was awake and looking at him curiously.

“Now, you look like the one who's sick,” Noelle said softly when she saw Brian enter.

Brian tried his best to smile and sat back down in the chair next to her bed. “How are you feeling?”

Noelle shrugged. “I'm okay, I guess. Thanks for taking me to the hospital.”

Brian nodded. “You needed it.”

“So,” Noelle started slowly after a slight pause in the conversation. She turned away from Brian and stared down at her hands which were folded in her lap. “That was your wife just then? On the phone?”

“Um,” Brian replied, wondering how to answer that. “That was Leighanne.”

“So, your wife,” Noelle responded, annoyed. Maybe they were getting divorced, but an orange was still an orange.

Brian rolled his eyes and continued without answering that. “She heard that I'd been in the hospital today. She assumed the worst. That's why she called.”

There was so much more that he wanted to say, but Noelle was still sick and he didn't want to overwhelm her. If she wanted to bring it up, however, Brian was more than willing to let her.

“Yeah,” Noelle replied. “I heard that part. So, you said that you weren't seeing me.”

“I'm not,” Brian snapped. “Which is no fault of mine. You know how I feel about you. You won't even look at me, how am I supposed to be seeing you?”

“So, what if you were still seeing me? Would you have told her then?” Noelle asked, though she didn't know if she would receive an answer she would believe.

“I have no reason to lie. She told me when she was dating someone else,” Brian answered calmly. At least, he would like to believe that he wouldn't have lied to Leighanne about Noelle.

Noelle kept looking at her hands and then sighed, finally looking up. “I don't know what you want me to say.”

Brian groaned and threw his head into his hands. “I don't expect you to say anything, not anymore.”

“What do you mean not anymore? It's only been a week, Brian. I really cared about you and you gave me the same shit that Rob gave me, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?” Noelle yelled weakly.

She understood that the situation was a little different. Every minute that she wasn't throwing up or thinking about simply dying, Noelle was thinking about Brian. Maybe she hadn't been fair to him, but he hadn't exactly been fair to her either.

With that, Brian stood up next to Noelle's bed. “I didn't do the same thing to you that Rob did and you know it. I really cared about you, Noelle. You want to know what I was like those couple of months before you were around? I was dead inside. You woke me up just by being around. You made my cold insides warm. You reminded me that there was a better life out there. You were always running through my mind. The nights that I spent with you were the best night’s sleep I'd gotten in years. Getting to hold you in my arms, the few times that I did, was like my own slice of heaven. Let that freak you out. I don't care anymore, because the simple fact of the matter is that I could love you the way that you deserve to be loved and I think that you know that and it scares you to death and THAT'S really what's going on here.”

Brian and Noelle locked eyes. Brian wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms right then and there and prove what he meant. Noelle, however, was stunned into silence. Part of her wanted to scream that he was right and that she was scared—to feel loved again, to fall in love again. The other part of her just wanted this all to end.

When AJ stepped into the doorway, the latter won. Noticing the tension in the room, AJ knocked lightly as he entered. When Brian noticed that AJ was the one standing there, he grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair and shrugged it onto his shoulders. He wanted to cry, but he would be damned if he was going to cry in front of AJ and Noelle.

“So, your brother's here now. I'll get going.”

“Thanks again, Brian,” Noelle whispered, turning to look down to her hands again, instead of watching him leave. She really wanted him to stay, but she knew that she wasn't going to tell him that.

Brian hurried down the hallway. He had to force himself not to run. Though, he hated to use references to his own songs, he really felt like he was in Siberia. Brian groaned when he heard AJ calling his name from down the hallway. He stopped, but kept his back turned.

“Brian,” AJ repeated, then patted Brian's shoulder hoping that he would turn around and face him. When he didn't, AJ dropped his arm back to his side and continued, “Hey, I just wanted to thank you for looking out for Noelle for me and I wanted to apologize—for earlier and for the other day.”

Brian simply nodded and continued walking. “Yeah, Dude. Forget about it.”

“Bri,” AJ called again.

This time Brian turned around and raised his eyebrows in response.

“Look man, she really cares about you, she does, and if things were different there isn't anyone else I'd want my little sister to care about, you know?” AJ stammered. “I just, um, I just wanted you to know that.”

Brian smiled to himself sarcastically and nodded his head slowly.

“Thanks J, but unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that things are different and that I'm in love with your sister. It doesn't matter though, because I'm also pretty sure that she couldn't care less.” Brian turned back around and continued to walk down the hallway. “I'll talk to you later, Man.”

AJ sighed and watched Brian walk away until he turned the corner. Then, he walked back into Noelle's room, where he immediately noticed the tears streaming down her face. “It's been a rough few days, huh?”

“I do care,” Noelle replied. “I care a lot and that's the problem.”

AJ nodded his head slowly and sat down on the edge of her bed. “Maybe you should tell him that then.”

Noelle shook her head. “Why would it matter? The facts remain the same. Getting divorced or not, he’s not divorced and hearing the way you talk, despite him have papers, this whole marriage thing doesn’t look like it’s going to change.”

AJ chewed on his bottom lip gently. “I don’t know, Noelle. Things might me different than I thought and maybe you can’t be together now. In fact, I don’t suggest that you do get together now, but once the smoke settles and Brian’s alone and healthy again and you’re alone and healthy again. Who knows?”

Noelle laid her head back against her pillows and sighed again. “I don’t know, Alex.”

“You don’t have to know right now,” AJ replied while he rubbed the top of her hand supportively. “Even if you’re feeling physically better, you’re still sick and you still need to get some rest. You can worry about what to say to Brian later.”

“You’re right,” Noelle replied. “You didn’t have to miss your show, you know. You could have waited.”

AJ laughed to himself. “Yeah, only because you wanted more time with Brian.”

Noelle sighed and shook her head, then smiled and closed her eyes. “Whatever, brother.”

“Yeah,” AJ replied, smiling to himself. He got up off of the edge of Noelle’s hospital bed and plopped down in the chair where Brian had been sitting all day. Noelle quickly fell asleep and AJ knew that he should probably settle in for a long night, but as he watched his sister peacefully sleep he couldn’t help but to feel a ting of regret for her. He hated that he didn’t know anything what had been going on in her life. He had never known that she’d had a boyfriend--let alone a married boyfriend--not once, but twice. He was failing her as an older brother, but had recently made a promise to himself to keep up with Noelle and to know what was going on in her life. If AJ could help it, Noelle wasn’t going to hurt like this again.

Two days later, the Backstreet Boys were gearing up for the last concert of their European tour. It was a half an hour until show time, and the vibe backstage was beginning to get antsy.

Noelle was being released from the hospital that evening. Her vital signs had improved and her lungs were back to working in an almost-normal capacity. AJ was running late getting back to the venue, but he was expected to be arriving soon. He had gone to pick Noelle up and bring her back to the hotel to rest before the end-of-tour party that she had insisted she was well enough to attend.

Brian was actually glad that AJ was running late. He hadn’t been sleeping very well since everything had blown up with Noelle and then subsequently having to take her to the hospital. Of course, she ran through his mind all night, but for once that wasn’t the only thing bothering him.

In just two days, he would be back in Atlanta and it would be time to have the talk with Leighanne that he had been dreading. He hadn’t decided whether to tell Leighanne that he’d met someone else; he didn’t know if telling her that would make her understand his decision or if it would make her believe that they actually had a chance because he was just blinded by the greener grass on the other side.

Now, as he sat in the backstage area on the dark leather couch in a section reserved specifically for seating, he leaned his head against the wall behind him and attempted to block out the noise that was not only surrounding him, but in his head as well. He was doing a good job of it until he felt the jolt of someone plopping down next to him.

Brian opened one eye, noticed that it was just Nick, and then closed both eyes again.

“Hey, B,” Nick said jauntily as he threw his hands behind his head and also leaned against the wall. “What’s up?”

Brian sighed and kept his eyes closed as he responded, “So, you’ve decided to talk to me again?”

Nick shrugged and peered over at Brian’s completely still frame. “I wasn’t NOT talking to you before. You’ve been such a grouch lately, no one had the guts to come and talk to you about anything. We thought it was better to leave you alone, especially with everything that you’re going through.”

Brian couldn’t help but to chuckle softly. He threw his legs out in front of him and crossed them at his ankles. “Yeah, and I’m sure all the crap AJ told you had nothing to do with it.”

Nick rolled his eyes and sighed. “Whatever, Man. I just figured that since you all seemed to be talking again, that it might mean that everything's blown over, but apparently I was wrong.”

Brian opened his eyes and turned to Nick; then, he sighed. Nick might give off a tough exterior, but he’s actually a pretty sensitive kid. Brian hadn’t meant to push everyone away lately, and he certainly hadn’t meant to be a jerk; it just seemed like his life was getting away from him.

“I’m sorry, Nick. I didn’t mean to snap at you or be an ass. I just really wished that someone would have come to get my side of the story at some point.”

Nick nodded. If anyone could understand that, he could.

“Look, whatever is going on with you and Leighanne or you and Noelle, that’s your business, and not to get all mushy on you or anything, but you didn’t have to hide it from us. If things were bad, you could have talked to one of us, you didn’t have to bone AJ’s sister.” Nick laughed to himself as Brian shot him a look.

“I wasn’t boneing AJ’s sister,” Brian replied, and then leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes again.

“Oh, no?” Nick responded, still smirking. “Then you and AJ must have broken each other’s noses for nothing, right? I guess when AJ told me not to think about touching his sister, he didn’t think that he’d have to worry about you.”

Brian shook his head. “It was complicated, okay?”

“It’s definitely complicated, all right,” Nick replied. “I’ll give you that.”

Nick stopped when AJ walked in towing Noelle behind him. “Speak of the devil; I guess she didn’t want to miss the show. Or maybe she just didn’t want to miss her Backstreet Boy shaking his ass for her one more time.”

Brian opened his eyes just as Noelle and AJ made their way into the room. As he and Noelle locked eyes for a second, she gave Brian a half smile and then followed AJ back into the dressing area just as quickly as she had entered. Brian sighed and closed his eyes again. “I’m not her Backstreet Boy, Nick, and I can guarantee that she doesn’t want to see me shaking my ass.”

Nick laughed and patted Brian on the back. “Whatever you say, Buddy.”

He then got up, finally leaving Brian to the peace that he wanted. However, now that Noelle was right around the corner, peace was the last thing that Brian was going to be able to get.

-----

As AJ sat in the director’s style make-up chair getting his nose powered, Noelle stood nearby. Her arms were crossed and she could feel herself getting tired again, but this was the last Backstreet Boys show that she was going to be seeing for a while; she would never forgive herself if she missed it.

AJ peeked at his sister out of the corner of his eye.

“You know,” he started slowly, “you really didn’t have to come to this. Coming to the party would have been enough.”

Noelle shrugged and shook her head. “I told you that I wanted to be here. I know that coming to the party would have been fine, but I hear that the energy at these last shows is always the best and I want to be here for that.”

AJ rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right.”

“What?” Noelle sighed, not really in the mood to fight with her brother at that moment.

“So, are you going to talk to him?” AJ jumped right in, not wanting to dance around the subject any longer.

“Talk to who?” Noelle snapped, obviously she still had a little of the jitterbug left in her.

“You know who. Are you going to talk to him?” AJ repeated.

He was getting a little annoyed. He didn’t like the idea that his sister was probably in love with his married band mate, but he’d rather Noelle try to work out her issues with Brian than sulking about it all the time. Granted, she’d just gotten out of the hospital and could be sulking about the pneumonia she was just getting over, but still.

Noelle sighed. “I don’t know .What difference does it make? You made it perfectly clear that trying to be with him was a mistake.”

“It is,” AJ replied. “At least right now it is. He needs to get out of his marriage and then, maybe, things can work out, but why make your lives even more complicated?”

“I really don’t even know why we’re having this conversation because it doesn’t matter.” Noelle bit the corner of her lip to keep her threatening tears from spilling. “Brian and I were always just friends. We did a stupid thing a couple of times, okay? That’s it.”

AJ locked eyes with his sister and sighed. She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, before repeating, “That’s it.”

Both Noelle and AJ turned to the door when the stage manager burst into the room to tell AJ that it was show time. AJ jumped up from his chair and kissed Noelle’s forehead. “Okay. I believe you. That’s it. Try to get some rest. I’ll see you after the show.”

Noelle watched as AJ walked out of the room. Not being able to hold the tears any longer, they fell slowly down her cheeks. She felt like a baby for a crying over the situation again. She hadn’t cried this much over Rob, and they’d been together for over two years. Noelle wiped the tears off of her face and tried her best to smile at the makeup artist, Jenn, who was looking at her sympathetically.

“Honey,” Jenn spoke slowly. “I know that I should just keep quiet about these types of things, but he’s a mess too.”

Noelle shook her head and laughed to herself as she sniffled. “You don’t have to do that. It’s fine. I’m just not feeling well. We’re both fine.”

Jenn sighed and patted Noelle’s shoulder gently. “I kind of agree with AJ on this one, even if you go your separate ways tomorrow, you should still tell him how you feel. It’ll make a world of difference to you both. I promise.”

Noelle glanced at Jenn and crossed her arms in front of her. She then sighed and shook her head. “Alex is right. I need some rest.” Noelle turned and walked out of the room, wondering if Jenn was right, if she would feel better if Brian knew that she cared about him, too. Noelle’s head was starting to pound as she realized that it didn’t matter. Suddenly, she was exhausted.

-----

Brian was the last one to arrive to the after-party that night. He wouldn’t have even gone, except for the fact that Nick had made a good point earlier in the day. For the entire European tour, Brian had been acting like kind of a jerk. The guys deserved better of him, despite everything that he was going through. For one night, Brian was going to try to push it all aside and just have a good time.

It wasn’t long before the drinks started to flow, and Brian could feel his mood begin to lighten. Brian was usually the one carrying the others home, but tonight he hoped that things would be different. Getting drunk in Europe had only brought good things into his life thus far—Noelle—his sober-self was what ended up losing them.

When Noelle saw Brian arrive, she had hoped that he would come over and, at least, tell her hello. Instead, she watched as he walked over to the bar and poured liquor down his throat as the others cheered him on. As the night wore on, Noelle sat at the bar by herself, watching as Brian danced alone in the middle of the crowded dance floor until finally, it was just him and a couple of other lost, drunken souls.

AJ, Nick and Howie thought that this version of Brian was hilarious. That was kind of making Noelle more sick.

“I told you he was a mess,” Jenn said as she flopped down onto a bar stool next to Noelle.

 “He looks like he’s having a great time,” she replied dryly.

Jenn shot Noelle a look out of the corner of her eye and then shook her head. “You should probably go save him from this embarrassment.”

“Why?” Noelle replied in monotone. “He’s not my problem.”

“You two are unbelievable,” Jenn replied. “He’s drinking to forget about you. Don’t you have a brother that’s an alcoholic? Shouldn’t you want to stop the people that you care about from abusing it?”

Noelle sucked her teeth and narrowed her eyes at Jenn. “You’re pulling at strings now.”

Jenn shrugged and took a sip of her drink. “Maybe so. I just know Brian, okay? I’ve been in the family for a while and I can vouch for him, he’s good guy and he cares about you. You should at least say goodbye before you both leave. That’s all I’m saying.”

Noelle shook her head and jumped off of her bar stool. “I’m sorry. I can't talk this anymore. I need some air.”

Noelle then headed for the door without looking back. She held her breathe until the cool London air hit her and then she exhaled. She didn’t know where Jenn got off. They’d hardly said two words to each other through the entire tour, and now she was giving her life advice? Noelle was trying not to be mad. She knew that Jenn was just trying to help, but really, she wasn’t being very helpful. Noelle knew that Brian was really a good guy. She knew that it was a good thing that Brian cared about her, but why didn’t anyone understand that none of that mattered? Was she, suddenly, the only person with a brain around here?

Noelle wrapped her arms around herself when a sudden breeze caused a shiver to run down her spine. Not wanting to go back to the party, she sat down on a wooden bench that stood near the curb of the street. She set her elbow on her knee and placed her chin in her hand, and then she sighed again.

After a few minutes, the fresh air was starting to clear her mind. Just as she was ready to get up and rejoin the party, the steel back door of the party venue slammed opened and Brian stumbled out alone.

Noelle sat back slowly and watched him. He clumsily walked to the edge of the street humming an unfamiliar tune. He stopped at the corner and looked left and then right, and then, he started chuckling to himself. He ran his hands through his hair and then turned left—the opposite way of the hotel.

Noelle laughed to herself softly and stood from her seat on the bench. She walked slowly toward where Brian was about to get himself lost in a strange city and then stopped with her hands on her hips.

“Hey,” she called out. “Enjoy the party tonight?”

Brian stopped walking and turned around. A wide grin spread across his face when he realized that it was Noelle calling out to him.

“Awesome party!” Brian slurred. “I didn't see you there.”

“You didn't see much of anything except for the bottom on a shot glass,” Noelle replied with a smirk. She took a couple of steps toward him slowly.

Brian shrugged and waved her off. “Bah. I didn't even drink that much.”

Noelle laughed and shook her head slowly. “So then, you must just be turned around?”

“Turned around from where?” Brian asked, his eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“The hotel? It's in the other direction.” Noelle laughed again as she pointed toward the tall hotel building that could still be seen from where they were standing.

“Oh,” Brian replied, taking a step past her and then laughing. “I was just going the long way.”

“Right,” Noelle replied to Brian's turned back. She watched as he took about five steps and then tripped over his own two feet. He tumbled to the ground, but caught himself with his hands. Noelle hurried over to help him up. She put an arm around his waist and grabbed his forearm with her other hand. “Are you going for more broken bones here Rocky?”

Brian glared at her playfully and then dusted himself off.

“Thanks,” he mumbled and slung a heavy arm around Noelle's shoulders. “So, about now, I'm really hoping that you're going back to the hotel, too.”

“I wasn't,” Noelle sighed. “But, in my right mind I can't imagine letting you walk back to the end of the street alone. You haven't managed to walk more than a few steps without falling.”

Brian unwrapped himself from Noelle and stepped forward. “Forget it. I don't need your pity-walk. I can make it myself.”

Noelle sighed and shook her head. She stepped back up toward Brian and wrapped her arm around his back again. “I was playing with you. Let's go.”

Brian looked down at her as they walked. After a couple of minutes, he wrapped his arm back around her shoulder and leaned into her. They walked together in silence down the quiet London street until they got to the hotel. Noelle guided Brian through the lobby and up to his room.

“Where's your key?” Noelle asked softly.

Brian turned the door knob even though he knew that the door was locked and then, he shrugged. “I don't know.”

“Geeze, Brian,” Noelle sighed. “I knew that you'd had enough drinks to keep me from counting that high, but I didn't realize that you probably had enough to make you stupid.”

She reached into Brian's pockets until she found his wallet in the back.

“Woo-hoo,” Brian giggled as Noelle's hand grazed his backside.

Noelle rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help but to laugh along with him. She pulled his room key out of his wallet and let them both into his room. She walked him to the bedroom and let him fall onto the bed. She then stood back and watched as he climbed toward the headboard. He sprawled himself out on his back and threw his arm over his eyes.

Noelle knew that she should have just left, but instead she sat on the edge of his bed by his feet. Gently, she slipped his shoes and socks off and laid them on the floor. She ran her hand softly over the top of his foot and then quickly pulled her hand back. When she looked up at Brian, he was peeking out at her from under his arm. Noelle shot him a small smile and then stood up.

She cleared her throat. “I should, um, get going, I guess.”

“Thanks for walking me home,” Brian mumbled. “H-how are you feeling by the way? Better?”

“I'm okay, thanks for asking.” She gave Brian a wave and turned toward the door. “So, um, have a safe flight home.”

“Noelle,” Brian called out, “you don't have to go.”

“Brian-” Noelle started. She closed her eyes and shook her head with her back still turned toward him.

“I don't want you to go,” Brian continued, pulling himself up on his elbows slowly. “Stay with me. Here. Please. Just one more time. I need you, Noelle.”

Noelle turned around slowly and melted when she saw the pleading look in Brian's eyes. Without warning, tears began to spill down her cheeks. She walked slowly over to Brian's bed and sat down on the edge again, this time at his waist instead of his feet.

Brian wrapped his arm around Noelle's waist and pulled her down close to him. Noelle trembled when he ran his hand down the side of her face. They both leaned in closer, slowly, until their lips met.

Noelle pulled her legs up under herself and rolled her body on top of Brian's. As Brian ran his hands up her back, she intertwined her fingers in his hair and kissed slowly down his jaw line. She sighed into his neck, finally realizing what was happening.

Not particularly wanting to stop it but knowing that she needed to, she kissed his lips softly again and whispered into his mouth, “I need to go.”

Brian moved his lips to meet hers once again. He didn't want to let her go. He wouldn't be able to watch her walk out the door, not tonight, not when after tomorrow he didn't know when he was going to see her again.

“Don't,” Brian whispered, and then kissed her again. “Please, don't leave. Noelle, I love you and I miss you and I'm sorry.”

Admittedly, the alcohol was making him uninhibited. He didn't care that this was the way that he told her that he loved her. He would probably care in the morning, but he was glad that she knew.

“Brian,” Noelle started, shaking her head slowly. Once again, the tears were starting to fall. “You can't say that to me, not now, okay? You've been drinking, and it's not fair.”

Brian intertwined his fingers in her hair on both sides of her face. “I mean it. It doesn't matter that I've been drinking because the truth is the truth. I love you and I need you here, just to be close to me, just one more night. Even if you hate me, I need you to just pretend for one night that nothing has changed.”

He slid his thumbs under her eyes and kissed the tears away from each cheek.

Noelle buried her head into his neck. She knew that she needed to leave. Staying there that night would only make things harder the next day.

Instead of doing what she knew that she was supposed to do, Noelle whispered, “Say it again. Tell me that you love me again.”

Brian kissed the side of her head and whispered into her ear, “I love you.”

Noelle looked into Brian's eyes and kissed his lips softly. She then jumped out of Brian's bed and walked toward the door.

Brian watched as she disappeared down the hallway. He flinched when he heard the door close. Even in his drunken state, he could feel his heart break inside of his chest. Just like Noelle minutes before, the tears started to slide down his face.

A second later, Brian heard another door open and close and the toilet flush in the background. He sat up on his bed again just as Noelle came down the hallway in one of his t-shirts that she must have gotten out of his packed suitcase.

“Move over,” she whispered.

Brian did as she asked. He slid over and held the comforter up so that she could climb underneath it with him. They both laid on their sides, Noelle with her back to Brian, Brian with his arms wrapped tightly around her. Brian kissed the back of her neck softly as they both drifted peacefully off to sleep.

The next morning, Brian awoke with a throbbing headache, which wasn't all that surprising. His memories from the night before were a bit foggy, except for one part—the part where he told Noelle that he loved her. He could have sworn that he had fallen asleep with her wrapped in his arms where she belonged, except now, she wasn't next to him. Brian's bed was empty except for himself and he had to wonder if maybe he had dreamed the entire encounter.

When he sat up in bed, he was still wearing the clothes that he'd worn to the party the night before, which got him thinking. If he had dreamed about Noelle staying with him the night before, wouldn't he have at least made it a steamier dream?

Maybe she'd just freaked out when she woke up? Or maybe AJ had called wondering where she had disappeared to?

As the possibilities ran through Brian's head, he jumped when Noelle walked out of the bathroom wearing the dress that she had worn the night before. Apparently, he'd been wrong. It wasn't a dream. She was really there and she didn't seem to be freaked out at all.

Noelle smiled at the spooked expression on Brian's face. She didn't expect him to remember many of the details of the night before, but she hoped that he'd at least remember that she'd been there. “So, I um, put your t-shirt back into your suitcase. It might smell like me, so I don't know if you want to keep it there when you go back to the wife or whatever.”

Brian groaned and fell back down onto the bed. Suddenly, the throbbing in his head was beating like a drum. “I can't believe that we're about to have this fight again.”

“No, no.” Noelle jumped in, feeling stupid for even saying what she'd said. That was the thing about her. When she got nervous, she said stupid things. She sat down on the bed next to Brian and sighed. “I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that the conversation that you're planning on having with her is going to be difficult enough without having to explain why one of your t-shirts smells like some other girl.”

Brian nodded his head, glad that she was finally starting to understand. “I was planning on telling her about you.”

“You shouldn't,” Noelle interrupted. “That will only complicate things for you.”

Brian sat back up and took her hand into his. He looked down and rubbed the tops of her soft fingers with his thumb. He knew that she probably thought that he had forgotten about what he said last night, and he needed her to know that he didn't. He didn't know how, exactly, to slip the fact that he loved her into the conversation when he was completely sober. “Noelle, I told you that I loved you last night.”

Noelle nodded and looked down at their intertwined fingers. “I remember.”

“And that doesn't mean anything to you?” Brian questioned. He didn't know what he was expecting her to say. Maybe he wanted to hear the words too, though it was obvious that she was never going to say them.

“Of course if means something to me, but I'm going to tell you the same thing that I've been telling everyone else. It doesn't matter,” Noelle replied softly as she rubbed her eyes with her free index finger and thumb. “Listen, you're leaving to go divorce your wife, which isn't going to be easy. I'm leaving to try to get back into school. You're going back on this tour, which Alex says is going to last about a year. I helped you get through a bad time in your life and I'm glad that I could do that for you, but we're better off just walking out of each other's lives now while there are no casualties.”

“I hate this,” Brian growled lowly as he fell back onto the bed again. “I hate that I have to walk away from you, from someone so amazing that makes me feel so much.”

“But you know that I'm right,” Noelle replied. “Somewhere inside of you, you know that this is for the best.”

Brian shrugged. “Maybe for now it is. I don't know. I just... I can't imagine you not being around. You made this entire thing bearable for me.”

“I'm sorry, but that just makes me wonder about what you said last night. Do you love me because you're lonely? Do you just think that you love me? You're getting out of a marriage. I just... it scares me. I don't want you to love me right now, not if it means that I fall in love with you and you break my heart later because you didn't mean it.” Noelle looked up at Brian again and then quickly looked down. She didn't want him to see the words in her eyes. She didn't want him to see that she loved him too.

“Noelle,” Brian replied, sitting up once again. He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up so that she was looking at him. “I meant what I said and nothing in this world is going to change that. I love you and I know that you're freaked out about the whole 'divorcing my wife' thing, but I promise you that I don't feel the way that I feel about you about anyone else in this world.”

Noelle tried her best to smile, but really she was just sad. She never really believed in star-crossed lovers until that minute.

“I need to go,” she whispered and Brian nodded. She stood from where she was sitting next to him and ran her hands through her hair. “I ordered you some breakfast because I figured you'd need it, and there's some aspirin on the bedside table.”

“Thank you,” Brian replied sadly. “Have a safe trip back home.”

“Yeah, you too.”

She took two steps toward the door and then turned around and took the same two steps back toward Brian. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. Secretly, she wanted to stay there forever.

Shocked, Brian had trouble processing the endearment for a second, but then promptly returned her hug. He pulled away slightly and then leaned his forehead against hers.

For what seemed like the thousandth time since her and Brian's initial falling out, tears began to spill down Noelle's cheeks. “I really will miss you.”

Brian nodded slowly and then brought his lips to hers for a short, soft kiss. “I'll miss you, too, Noelle.”

He wiped the tears from her eyes and kissed her one last time before she stood up once again and, this time, was actually gone.

Brian had never felt so empty. When Noelle walked out of the room, a large part of him went with her and it scared him to think that he didn't know when or if he would ever feel whole again.

-----

Later that morning, AJ had been waiting in the lobby for Noelle for over 15 minutes. They were supposed to take the shuttle to the airport together, but if she didn't hurry AJ was going to have to leave without her. His flight left a couple of hours before hers did, so he guessed that it was understandable if she decided to sleep in, but he had a couple of questions for her, like, for instance, 'where the hell did you end up last night?' He wouldn't lead off with that, but he was really hoping that he could get an answer.

Just as AJ was about to tell the driver to go on without her Noelle came rushing out of the lobby to the van. She was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. She'd also had on a page-boy style cap and a large pair of sunglasses, which was curious. Either she was getting used to hanging around with a bunch of guys who had to wear sunglasses and ball caps everywhere, or she was trying to hide something—like tears.

When Noelle jumped into the van, she smiled apologetically at AJ.

“I'm sorry I'm late,” she greeted. “You're not going to miss your flight or anything are you?”

AJ shook his head. “No, I should be fine. Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah,” Noelle replied quickly. “I'm fine. Why?”

AJ laughed to himself and shook his head. “I'm just wondering. You were in the hospital a couple of days ago.”

“Oh, right,” Noelle sighed. She bit down on the corner of her bottom lip and then glanced out of the window. “I'm good.”

“So, you patch things up with Brian last night?”

Okay, so AJ didn't want to jump right in there like that, but he was starting to get a little annoyed. It was just a week ago that Noelle was balling her eyes out about this guy. Granted, the circumstances had changed a little, but mostly, they were still the same.

Noelle rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Nothing happened, Alex.”

“Hmm,” AJ replied, “that's interesting, considering that you've lied to me about him before.”

“I never lied to you about Brian,” Noelle responded, growing annoyed herself. “Nothing happened. His friends got him hammered last night and decided that it would be okay to just let him leave alone. I helped him get back to the hotel. We fell asleep and talked a little bit this morning. That's it. I didn't sleep with him or anything. In fact, he didn't even try to sleep with me.”

“Would you have slept with him if he did try?” AJ asked boldly. He could feel his anger for Brian rising again, except this time it was a brotherly thing more so than an 'I hate you' thing.

“Not that it's any of your business, but probably not,” Noelle replied, shooting daggers at him through her eyes. “He was piss-ass drunk for one and for two maybe he actually cares about me in more ways that just for my naked body.”

“I don't deny that,” AJ responded. “At least now, I don't.”

“Look, I get that I pulled you in the middle of all of this and that it may be annoying that you possibly ruined a friendship because of me. Even if you're talking again, things are weird, I get that,” Noelle replied softly. “Things are just different since that day in the restaurant. We talked about everything, but we said goodbye and it's kind of killing me. Okay? So, I'm sorry that I'm in a pissy mood, it's just… it hasn't been a good day so far.”

AJ nodded slowly and then sighed. “I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to go all big brother on you. I just don't want you to get hurt again, especially by Brian.”

“I'm probably going to get hurt a lot of times in my life, Alex. So expect more broken noses.” Noelle laughed softly and AJ chuckled.

“Yeah,” AJ replied. “Try not to get hurt by my best friends and maybe we won't have to worry about that. My face is too pretty for broken bones.”

Noelle shook her head, but continued smiling. “You're such a girl.”

“I'll take it.” AJ laughed and then paused, wondering if there was more that Noelle wanted to say. “So, what did you guys talk about?”

The smile fell from Noelle's face and she shook her head. “Nothing really.”

Initially, she didn't want to say the words. She wanted to keep the things that Brian told her to herself, bottled up inside, so that they were only hers. If she didn't say out loud what Brian told her, maybe it wouldn't get soaked into the atmosphere like all of those other 'I love yous'.

Instead, with a shrug, the words poured out. “He told me that he loved me.”

“That's not 'nothing',” AJ replied. When Noelle simply shrugged again, he continued, “Did you say it back?”

Noelle shook her head slowly. “Nope.”

AJ observed his sister's body language and wondered if he should leave the conversation at that. Of course, he opted to continue, “But you wanted to?”

This time, Noelle nodded. “Yep.”

With a sigh, AJ replied, “You should have.”

Noelle's head snapped in AJ's direction angrily. When she saw that he was serious, she narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head. “Would you make up your freaking mind? One minute you're telling me I'm an idiot for talking to him; the next minute you're telling me that I should have told him that I love him, too? Which is it, Alex? Leave him alone or love him back?”

“Okay,” AJ replied. “I get how that can sound contradicting, but I never said you shouldn't talk to him, I said you shouldn't sleep with him. I'm in the school of 'say what you need to say'. Even if it wouldn't have changed anything, you'd feel better knowing that he knew how you felt.”

“Maybe,” Noelle shrugged and then sighed. “But doesn't matter now. He's gone.”

AJ had to fight to keep the growing smirk off of his face. Noelle didn't seem to know that she and Brian were going to be on the same flight. That whole layover-in-Atlanta thing really seemed to go right over her head and days before, AJ certainly wasn't going to be the one to break the news. He could have told her right then, but that might have meant that Noelle would have a panic attack right there in the van and as much as it sucked, AJ just didn't know if he could handle that.

When they arrived to the airport, Noelle waited with AJ until his flight was called. Before he boarded the plane, she promised to call when she got home safely and that she would come to see them if the tour ever made its way to Florida. Then, she was alone and suddenly feeling sick all over again as it hit her that this was it. Her amazing summer was gone. She might never see the man that she loved ever again. Her life was worse than it was when she'd left Florida over three months earlier. She may have had a bad reputation when she left Gainesville, but at least she didn't feel like her insides were being ripped out piece by piece.

Brian was practically running through the airport to catch his flight. After Noelle had left his hotel room that morning, he hadn't wanted to move. The woman that he loved was so completely unobtainable that he literally felt like death. The fact that he was about to break the heart of the woman that loved him, well, that didn't feel any better.

When his alarm began to go off telling him that it was time to leave, he kept hitting snooze over and again. It wasn't like he was asleep. There was no way he would have been able to fall asleep alone after Noelle had been sleeping in his arms just moments before. He knew that he sounded like a complete wuss, but he didn't care. Besides, the only one he'd actually expressed these things to were himself and God and at this point, he didn't think that he could do much more to piss God off.

When he had finally arrived at the airport, the smell of alcohol was still seeping through his pores. To add torture to torment, he'd had to take a field sobriety test to prove that he was okay to be on a plane, which was more than just slightly embarrassing. He didn't even get why it mattered. They served alcohol on the flights, right? And it wasn't like he was actually flying the plane, but whatever.

He arrived to the gate just in time to catch his flight. The flight attendants had just made their last call and were about to close the airplane door. Luckily, the airline representatives checked him in quickly and still let him board. As he sat down in his plush, first-class seat, he didn't even know why he'd cared so much to catch that particular flight. It's not like he was in a rush to get home or anything. In fact, when he did get home, he was staying in a hotel for a night so that he could be well-rested and clear-minded before meeting with Leighanne the next day to give her the bad news. When Brian was tired, he could be talked into just about anything and he knew it.

From five rows back, Noelle felt like she was going to throw up... again. She couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing. Did Brian Littrell really just get on the same plane that she was on? She knew that she had a layover in Atlanta, but seriously? Now, she was sure that the man upstairs was playing tricks on her. It just wasn't fair.

For the entire eight-hour flight, Noelle watched as Brian sighed and shifted. She watched as he tried to get comfortable and as he tried to fall asleep. When he got up to use the bathroom, she hid behind a newspaper like a child. She was surprised that the move even worked and figured that he had to have been distracted by what was coming when he got home. She wanted to get up and sit in the empty seat next to him, but every time she decided that she was doing it, she chickened out. What else was there to say? He poured his heart out to her and she hadn't said anything.

Brian, on the other hand, knew that Noelle was behind him. He wasn't stupid. Maybe he hadn't seen her when he first got on the plane, but Brian knew when someone was staring at him—he dealt with it every day of his life—and hiding behind a newspaper just didn't cut it. She obviously didn't want him to know that she was there, so hell, he for sure wasn't going to go over there and embarrass himself more than he already had. He kept hoping that she would come to him, but he knew better than that. No matter how much she wanted to be closer to him, she was going to sit back there and torture herself through the entire flight. He wasn't going to be the one to take the chance—not this time. He'd already told her how he felt. It was her turn to jump, even if--like Noelle always said--it didn't matter.

When the plane landed, Brian remained seated hoping that Noelle would walk by, which he would assume meant that she wanted him to notice that she was there. When the line to the door cleared and Noelle wasn't at the end of it, he sighed and stood up. Apparently, they'd both said all that they needed to say. Brian grabbed his carry-on out of the storage compartment above his seat. He shook his head when, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that Noelle was still hiding behind that damned newspaper.

As Noelle watched Brian walk off of the plane ahead of her, part of her panicked. He was going home now to go on with his life without her. She had just missed her chance to tell him how she felt. When it was already too late, a revelation hit her. Maybe it wasn't fair to Brian or to his wife or, hell, to herself, but if she didn't tell him that she loved him how would she ever stand a chance? If he didn't know how she felt, what was going to keep him from trying to make things work with Leighanne even if he knew that he'd be unhappy? Maybe Noelle wouldn't have anything to do with that situation either way, but she finally decided that he needed to know. As she quickly exited the plane and ran through the terminal, hoping to catch a glimpse of the back of his dark-blond head or of the bright blue t-shirt that he was wearing, she kicked herself for not being able to say what she needed to say eight hours earlier. At least then, they could have had a little bit more time.

When she finally saw Brian up ahead, her heart soared inside of her chest. Without thinking, she called out to him, “Brian! Brian, wait!”

Relief washed through Brian when he finally heard Noelle's familiar voice calling his name. He turned around slowly and saw Noelle just as she jumped into his arms. She buried her head into his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“What are you doing here?” Brian questioned. Though he knew that she had been on the flight, it was still a legitimate question; she was supposed to be heading toward the other side of the airport right about now.

“I love you,” Noelle blurted. “I do, I love you so much and I needed you to know that.”

Brian smirked. “So you followed me all the way to Atlanta to tell me that?”

Noelle's cheeks turned pink. She didn't want to have to admit that she'd been afraid of talking to him for the whole flight back from London, but how else could she possibly explain this?

“Well, see,” she started slowly. “I was kind of on that flight that you just got off of, a few rows back from you.”

Brian nodded and then couldn't help it, he started to laugh.

“What are you laughing...?” Noelle asked, then trailed off as the realization hit her. “You knew that I was there the whole time.” She shook her head and then punched him in his shoulder. “I thought that you said that you loved me? Why the hell didn't you come and talk to me?”

Brian continued to laugh as he rubbed his shoulder. “I do, but if you remember correctly, you didn't tell me that you loved me until about 30 seconds ago. You were hiding from me the entire time. Did you really think that I needed to go to the bathroom about 13 times during an eight-hour flight?”

Noelle shrugged. “I don't know. You were kind of drinking a lot of water.”

“You're unbelievable.” He wrapped his arms back around her and kissed her softly, not caring who was around to see it. “By the way, I love you, too.”

Noelle smiled when he said the words. She knew that they were both going their separate ways, but maybe they could work something out, maybe it did actually matter. “So, what does all of this mean? Do we still walk away from it all?”

“I never wanted to walk away from you,” Brian replied. “I know that it's going to be tough being with me. There's going to be criticism and everything else to go along with it, but I want to try. I want to be with you, only you.”

“Well, that's a little bit impossible now, isn't it?” Noelle replied as she grabbed Brian's hand and pulled him toward a small sitting area behind them so that they could get out of the heavy flow of people making their way through the terminal.

“It doesn't have to be,” Brian replied.

“What do you mean?” Noelle asked. “How?”

Brian shrugged. He'd been thinking of ways that they could make it work, but Noelle had been so adamant about it not working out, that he'd kept it all to himself. “I'm going home tomorrow to talk to Leighanne.”

“Tomorrow?” Noelle interrupted. “You live here, don't you?”

Brian laughed to himself softly. “I don't have it in me tonight. If you didn't notice, I didn't sleep a wink on the plane and I'm still trying to work off this hangover.”

Noelle shrugged. “Understandable, go on.”

“Once I have this talk with Leighanne it's over and done, right? You’re looking to get back into school, which you can do from anywhere. Come back on tour with us. You're a part of the family. The guys would love to have you, especially AJ, and we can start fresh.” Brian stopped and let Noelle process what he had just suggested.

“I do want to be with you, Brian,” Noelle replied softly, “but I don't know if I'm ready to be scrutinized by the world. Shouldn't we wait until you're actually divorced?”

Brian took his hand into hers, wanting to get the words right without freaking her out. “Sweetheart, there's going to always be scrutiny when you're dating someone like me to begin with, but we don't have to run around on display. I just want you around in whatever capacity that you're comfortable being around. I don't want to hide the fact that I love you from AJ, or Nick, or Howie. I want you there with me, by my side, on the bus, in the air, in every state that we go to. I can't imagine doing this without you.”

“Brian-” Noelle started as she shook her head. She wasn't saying no, she was just processing everything that he'd suggested. It sounded good in theory.

Brian broke into her thoughts with a smirk. “Do I need to break out the song references?”

“What?” Noelle asked, her eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“You know, 'without you I'd be Incomplete.' 'You're One in a Million' and 'everytime you leave I'm Inconsolable.'?” Brian laughed to himself as Noelle rolled her eyes.

“Even after I've had to come 'Crawling Back to You' you still wouldn't want it 'Any Other Way'?” Noelle played along.

Brian laughed again and shook his head, “Baby, you were just telling me 'Something that I Already Know.'”

“Okay, stop it,” Noelle laughed along with Brian and swatted his leg playfully. She looked down and linked her fingers with Brian’s shyly. “So, you're staying in another cold, lonely hotel room tonight?”

Brian gave her hand a squeeze. He grinned and nodded his head. “Dark, cold, and lonely included free of charge.”

“So, what if I were to say, 'I need you tonight,’” Noelle continued Brian's game, smiling flirtatiously.

Brian chuckled softly and shrugged. “I think that I'd say that the 'Trouble Is' that 'Love Will Keep You Up All Night.'”

“That's a risk that I'm willing to take,” Noelle replied as she leaned in and kissed his lips softly. “That is, if you'll have me.”

“I'll have you all right,” Brian replied, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.

Noelle groaned. “Nevermind.”

Brian laughed to himself and stood up. He reached out for her hand and pulled her up with him. “Nothing would make me happier than to have you with me tonight.”

Noelle smiled and shrugged one shoulder casually. “In that case, okay.”

“You do know that your bag is going to be on its way to Florida, right?” Brian chuckled as he wrapped his arm around Noelle's shoulder and guided her toward the airport hotel.

“That's okay. I don't plan on being in these clothes for that long. I'm sure they'll be okay to wear tomorrow.” Noelle joked as she playfully patted Brian's butt.

“Then what the hell are we waiting for? Let's go.”

----

The next morning, Brian and Noelle reluctantly left the hotel airport just in time for Noelle to catch her new flight to Gainesville by way of Tampa. Hand-in-hand, Brian walked Noelle to the security gate and waited with her for as long as he could without causing Noelle to miss her flight. When it was beyond time for Noelle to start making her way to her gate, she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. They were only going to be apart for a little over a week, but after the night they'd had the night before and after the amount of time that they'd wasted, Noelle didn't want to have to spend any time away from him. She knew that it was crazy and that she probably couldn't expect this thing with Brian to last forever. How many guys meet the love of their lives the same week that they decide to divorce their wives?

“You're kind of playing with fire, holding me here like this in the middle of the airport, aren't you?” Noelle quipped softly. It wasn't like it was the first time that they'd had such a public display of affection, even though they’d already discussed avoiding such things.

Brian shrugged. “Maybe. And maybe it isn't fair to Leighanne, but I doubt that she'll hear about it before I get home anyway. If she had heard about us, I'd know about it already. Maybe I'm just using you to make my job easier while I'm here.”

Noelle laughed and punched Brian in the shoulder playfully. “You're a jerk.”

“I'm going to have a huge bruise on my arm if you keep punching me in the same spot.” Brian chuckled softly and then kissed Noelle on her lips. “As much as I don't want to say it, you really need to get going.”

Noelle nodded. “I know.”

“I'll see you right here in two weeks? We'll fly to Canada together as planned?” Brian asked and Noelle nodded again.

“I'll be right here,” Noelle replied. She then pulled him closer and kissed him one last time before letting him go and rushing off to catch her plane.

Brian watched Noelle leave until she was out of sight. Then, he turned around slowly. He wasn't exactly ready for what was about to come, especially so soon. When he lifted his head, standing no less than 20 feet from where he and Noelle had just kissed goodbye was Leighanne with a devastated look etched onto her face.

Brian froze. His heart dropped to his knees. He had known that he was about to break her heart, but he didn't mean for it to happen like this. He walked slowly over to her and then stopped. The tears glistening in her eyes broke his heart. When he opened his mouth to speak, Leighanne raised her hand and slapped him across the face. Then, she turned and ran toward the exit.

Brian was frozen into place, stunned and oblivious to the stinging in his cheek. As he watched Leighanne run through the crowd, his brain told him to go after her, but his feet couldn’t move. What he wanted to do was to chase after Noelle and fly away with her to Gainesville, or anywhere really, and leave this entire mess behind, which was a really crappy way to be thinking considering that he'd just broken his wife's heart.

When Leighanne disappeared into the crowds, Brian took off behind her. He knew that he had to talk to her before she did something stupid. It was true that he was planning on having this conversation with her anyway, but this isn’t the way that he wanted it to happen. She shouldn’t have had to find out that her husband was leaving her by seeing him and the woman that he fell in love with canoodling in the middle of a crowded airport.

When Leighanne was a few feet in front of Brian, he reached out to her breathlessly, “Leighanne, wait.”

Leighanne pulled away from him, but turned around, furious.

“Don’t touch me,” she snapped angrily. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. She hated that she was crying in front of him, especially after the way that he had been treating her. He’d asked for a separation without even giving their marriage a shot. He’d cheated on her with someone so much younger. It just wasn’t right.

“Leighanne, come on,” Brian replied softly. “Let’s not do this here, okay? Let’s go home. We need to talk.”

Leighanne shook her head and backed away from him. “I don’t have anything to say to you. You’ve been cheating on me this whole time. My sister said that you were. All of my friends, they said it too, but I trusted you and I took up for you.”

“I didn’t cheat on you,” Brian replied, though he didn’t know if that was the case. Technically, they were still married, but a separation counted as not being together, didn’t it?

“How can you even say that?” Leighanne spat. “I am still your wife.”

Brian shook his head, but he didn’t know what to say. They were still in the middle of the airport and people were starting to stare. Luckily, no one was snapping photos yet, but Brian didn’t even care about that. He didn’t think that this whole thing could have gone any worse. “What were you even doing here?”

“What was I doing here?” Leighanne yelled. “I was being a good wife. You texted me what time you were going to be home, which was classy by the way. So, I figured, hell, I’m going to meet my husband at the airport and show him that I still love him and that I missed him! That’s what I’m doing here, Brian.”

When Leighanne disappeared into the crowds again, this time Brian didn’t chase after her. Instead, he sat down a wooden bench that was standing in the airport corridor behind him and put his head into his hands. Now, more than ever, Brian wished that he was back in Europe and not dealing with this mess. How could he tell Leighanne what he needed to tell her now when he’d already crushed her the way that he had? How do you add, ‘by the way, I don’t love you anymore and I want a divorce’ to the pile?

He was in the wrong here, and he knew it. Leighanne should never have had to find out about Noelle the way that she did. She was holding out hope for their marriage, coming to the airport to surprise him, to be there for him when he got back. She was holding Brian to his word, being that Brian had said—even if he didn't believe it at the time that he said it—that they would try to work things out when he got home.

In Brian's mind, however, the marriage was already over. He knew that he had divorce papers in his carryon bag.

So, no, what happened wasn't fair, but was it wrong?

If Brian didn’t have the answers before, he really didn’t have the answers now.

----

When Noelle arrived back home to Gainesville, there was an unbelievable feeling of loss within her, not only because she was away from Brian, but because everyone on that tour had become her family. She didn’t know how AJ had handled getting so close to people only to lose them a few months later.

Noelle’s fingers itched to call Brian as soon as the plane landed, but she didn’t want to catch him in the middle of World War III, which could have possibly been starting in Atlanta, Georgia at that very moment. Instead of calling Brian, Noelle called herself a taxi and took the short ride back to her small apartment near the University of Florida campus.

During the ride, she couldn’t help but to wonder how things were going. Had Brian dropped the bomb yet? Noelle had tried to humanize Leighanne while she and Brian were apart, but without knowing her, it was hard. Still, she felt a little bit of sadness for Brian's wife. Losing someone that you love is the worst possible feeling in the world.

It was such a conflicting feeling for Noelle to love someone so much, but have empathy for the wife that he was leaving. Noelle could almost see the way that people would view the situation. She looked like the bad guy again.

A younger woman comes onto the tour and seduces the unhappily married Backstreet Boy. Yeah, if she read about herself in the tabloids, she would hate her too. The whole situation helped her to understand what AJ had meant by leaving Brian alone until he was really out of his marriage. Still, nothing could keep the smile off of her face when she thought about Brian’s lips touching her own. It was an awkward place to be, especially when she’d just gotten out of this place with someone else not too long before.

When Noelle compared her situation with Rob to her situation with Brian, there really was no comparison. With Rob, Noelle felt a sort of admiration. Not that she didn’t admire Brian’s achievements, but Rob had the type of career that Noelle had always longed for. With Brian, Noelle felt an undeniable passion and attraction. She missed him when he wasn’t there, not just sexually, but personally. Brian made her laugh. She felt safe with him. Even though he was completely capable of changing his mind and staying with his wife, Noelle truly believed him when he said that he wanted to be with her. Brian wasn’t divorcing Leighanne to be with Noelle and Noelle knew that. Brian had decided to divorce Leighanne before he had even met her, but he was having a hard time convincing himself that making that leap was the right thing to do. Eventually, he decided to leave Leighanne for good because he knew that he could be happy.

When Noelle arrived back home, she dragged her suitcases up the two flights of stairs and was huffing by the time that she flung herself through the front door. The small apartment was exactly the way that she’d left it. The clean dishes were piled in the dish rack. A stack of towels were piled up on the couch where she had neglected to put them away when she had made the rash decision of running away instead of facing down the glares of local Gators and Gator fans alike. The only difference was the stack of mail piled up on her small kitchen table. She had asked her best friend Emily to watch over things for her while she was overseas.

As she sat down at the table to go through the various bills and junk that had started to accumulate, she grabbed her phone and started to dial Emily’s phone number. Noelle was startled, however, when her bubbly, red-headed friend burst through the front door carrying a fresh stack of mail.

When Emily saw Noelle sitting at the table, she shrieked and dropped the mail, startled herself. Then, she jumped at her best friend excitedly.

“You’re home!” Emily screeched. When Emily pulled away, she slapped Noelle’s arm playfully. “You scared me half to death! Why didn’t you tell me that you were coming home today?”

Noelle couldn’t help but to smile when her friend pulled her into another tight hug. “I was just calling you. I was actually supposed to be here late last night, but I got held up.”

Missing the rush that rose to Noelle’s cheeks at the thought of what she was held up with; Emily plunked herself down at the table across from Noelle. “So, tell me all about touring with that gorgeous Backstreet brother of yours!”

Noelle knitted her eyebrows in confusion and laughed. “My gorgeous Backstreet brother? You weren’t a Backstreet Boys fan growing up were you?”

“Noelle,” Emily replied in mock-seriousness, “when the Backstreet Boys told me to ‘Get Down’, I got down. When Nick asked if he was ‘sexual’, I screamed ‘hell, yes’. When any one of them asked me to tell them ‘why’, I really wanted to be able to answer that question. When…”

“Okay, okay,” Noelle replied, laughingly. “Enough. Geeze. I can’t believe I never knew that you were a teeny-bopping super-fan. Which one plastered of them your bedroom walls as a teenager?”

Emily laughed and shook her head. “No way. I’m not telling you that.”

“Oh no.” Noelle laughed. “It was Alex.”

Emily shook her head emphatically. “No! It wasn’t your brother. If that was the case, once I found out that your brother was the man of my teenage dreams, I don’t think that we would have been able to be friends anymore. I would have died of embarrassment.”

“Okay, fine. Tell me who it was then. Please?” Noelle knew that she was torturing her friend, but it was too much fun to quit. “What does it matter? It’s not like I’m going to run and tell him or, even if I did, that he would think anything of it if he ever meets you.”

Emily shrugged and rolled her eyes. “Okay, whatever. When I was 14, the love of my life was Brian Littrell, okay?”

Noelle’s face fell slightly when Emily mentioned that her crush was Brian. It was silly, she knew, and it felt a little like high school, but it was weird to find out that your friend used to have a crush on your boyfriend—if that’s even what Brian was to Noelle, her boyfriend. “Brian?”

“Yeah,” Emily replied slowly, “Brian. What? Is he a complete jerk or something?”

Noelle shook her head quickly. “No, not at all. He’s great.”

“You look at me differently now, don’t you?” Emily replied, shaking her head. “You know that your brother’s picture used to be on my wall with all of his friends, who are now your friends, and you think I’m a freak.”

Noelle laughed softly. “No, it’s not that. I promise. Brian and I just, well, we got close. That’s all.”

“Noelle I had a crush on Brian 12 years ago. I’m not going to try to get you to set me up with your new boy-banding best friend.” Emily rolled her eyes and laughed to herself. “Besides, he’s married. I bet his wife is really gorgeous, isn’t she?”

Noelle’s face paled. She’d probably spoken too much. Now, she was kicking herself. “Um, I don’t know. I never really met her.”

“Really?” Emily asked, slightly surprised. “You guys were gone for a while. I can’t believe she didn’t meet up with him at some point.”

“Well,” Noelle started, and then paused. How much was okay to tell her friend at this point? “See, they’re separated, actually, which isn’t really public knowledge. He’s filing for divorce soon. This week, actually.”

“Oh my God, really?” Emily gasped, shocked. “I mean, I don’t really know him, of course, but that sounds crazy. He must have really opened up to you.”

Noelle shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you can say that.”

Emily glanced at her friend. She knew that Noelle was holding back, but she didn’t exactly know what she wasn’t telling her. “Okay, spill. What’s going on with you?”

Noelle shook her head quickly and stood up from the table. “Nothing’s going on with me besides some jet lag and a severe burger craving. Want to grab something to eat? Let me just change really quick.”

Emily watched as Noelle ran her hands through her hair nervously and then threw her suitcase up onto the table and unzipped it quickly. “Noelle, you didn’t… did you?”

Noelle stopped sifting through her suitcase and stared at her friend. “I didn’t what?”

“You did!” Emily shook her head. She wanted to be understanding, but she just didn’t know how Noelle would allow herself to be put into this situation again, especially in such a high-profile way. “You slept with him!”

Noelle fell back into her chair and nodded her head slowly. “I did, but it’s worse than that.”

“How could it be worse?” Emily questioned.

“It’s not even that it’s worse. It’s okay, really, because this time I’ve seen the divorce papers. This is really happening, right now,” Noelle replied quickly. “And, at first, I didn’t know about his wife. I mean, when we first met, I didn’t even know he was a Backstreet Boy. So, we slept together, decided it was a mistake, tried to stay away from each other, slept together again, I found out that he was married, AJ broke Brian's nose, he threw down separation and divorce papers in front of us, and then he broke AJ’s nose and the story goes on from there.”

Noelle finished in one breath and then bit down on the corner of her bottom lip.

Emily’s eyes were wide opened in shock. “How exactly does it go from there?”

“Um, I came down with pneumonia and Brian took me to the hospital. We talked a little bit about the situation. I was really determined to stay away from him. I mean, I didn’t want to have to go through all of this again, but the truth was there. He’s legally separated from his wife. He’s getting a divorce; the situation is a little bit different.”

“Do you know how long it takes couples to actually get divorced though, Noelle? This isn’t that cut and dry. Do you really want to be the woman that breaks up marriages?” Emily didn’t want to hurt Noelle, but Noelle needed to hear the cold hard truth, because this was now two marriages that she was caught in the middle of.

“I didn’t break up the marriage. It was already broken when we met,” Noelle replied softly. “I wasn’t even going to tell you. I know how it looks, but he loves me—really loves me—and I love him.”

“You thought that Rob really loved you, too, Noelle.” Emily shot back. Maybe she wasn’t telling Noelle what she wanted to hear, but she was being a friend and she hoped that was enough.

“This is different,” Noelle replied, shaking her head. “Brian isn’t Rob.”

“You’re right. It is a little different, but the facts more or less remain the same. There is someone else in his life right now. She’s still his wife until a judge says otherwise. Can you handle the backlash that’s going to come?” Emily asked gently.

“I’m willing to try.” Noelle shrugged. “I feel different with Brian, Em. I really tried to hate him. I tried to stay away and just leave and never talk to him again, but the thought of not having Brian in my life is enough to make me physically ill. He’s amazing and gentle and sweet and kind and sensitive and passionate and … everything that I can’t put into words.”

Emily sighed and shook her head slowly. “You do love him.”

Noelle nodded. “I do.”

“And he feels the same way about you?” Emily questioned, though she knew that by Noelle’s answer alone, she was going to have no way of knowing the truth.

“He does. I promise he does,” Noelle replied. She took her friend’s hand into her own with tears in her eyes. “You have been there for me through everything Emily and I love you for that. Even though it’s hard, I need you to be here for this, too, because it’s good. I promise you, it’s good and it’s different than with Rob, really different.”

Emily nodded. “I love you, too, Noelle. That’s why I just don’t want to see you get hurt again by the same situation. Either way, I’m going to be here for you when you’re either standing at the altar as Mr. Littrell’s second wife or when the whole thing falls apart. But I’m not promising not to say ‘I told you so’.”

Noelle laughed and wrapped her arms around her friend’s neck. “If things end up like they did with Rob, I want you to tell me you told me so. Then, lock me in a closet and put me in a chastity belt, just in case.”

Noelle held out her pinky for Emily to loop hers around in a pinky swear.

Emily laughed as she linked her finger with Noelle’s and sighed jokingly. “I have no idea where I’m going to find a chastity belt.”

“Don’t wish for me to fail, Em.” Noelle laughed.

“Not wishing,” Emily laughed, shaking her head. “Just getting prepared.”

After Leighanne took off toward the exit at the airport, Brian decided to take his time getting home. He wanted to give her a chance to cool down so that they could have the conversation that was coming rationally. Trying to talk to Leighanne when she was mad was like trying to get out of a padded room in a straight-jacket.

When Brian arrived back home he half-expected to see all of his things being thrown out of a second story window. Surprisingly enough, the lawn was clean. When he walked into the house, however, clean wasn't necessarily the word to use. It was more or less chaos. Leighanne must have gone on a rampage when she had gotten back home. Brian's framed gold record awards were smashed in the dining room along with the china that he and Leighanne had received as a wedding gift. His and Leighanne's wedding picture had been taken out of the frame and ripped in half. There was a fire burning in the fireplace with all of their photo albums—including Brian's childhood memories and his archives of his first few years as a Backstreet Boy—melting inside.

Furiously, Brian rushed over to the fireplace and reached inside to try to salvage what he could of the photo albums. Then, despite the stinging burns on his hands, he took the stairs two at a time until he reached his and Leighanne's bedroom. He flung the door opened and saw that—just like in the living and dining rooms—this room was a mess, too. Instead of destroying all of Brian's things, however, Leighanne was packing.

“What the hell are you doing?” Brian yelled as he entered the room. He wasn't talking about her leaving, he was actually thankful for that. He was asking what she thought she was doing by destroying everything that meant anything to him.

“What does it look like I'm doing?” Leighanne spat back angrily. “I'm leaving. I've been sitting here for months trying to figure out how to fix our marriage while you've been out picking up strangers all over Europe. I'm done trying to win you back. It's your turn to do all the work now.”

Brian shook his head. “I didn't pick up strangers in Europe. And who the hell do you think that you are, anyway? You're my estranged wife, not my warden. Not to mention that you're a hypocrite. You started dating first, remember?”

Leighanne rolled her eyes and laughed to herself. “I went on a date, Brian. Get a clue. If I was really dating why the hell would I have had someone send you pictures?”

“You're a piece of work, you know that? We're not sixteen,” Brian yelled back. Usually he didn’t like to raise his voice, but this was getting insane. “This was a marriage. Maybe it's your high school attitude that made me dread coming home to you.”

“This is still a marriage,” Leighanne screamed back. “I told you that I'm not letting you give up on us.”

 “Aren't you leaving?” Brian replied with narrowed eyes. He wanted to scream out in frustration. “Doesn't that mean that you're giving up?”

 “What am I supposed to do, Brian?” Leighanne responded as she glared at him angrily. “I go to the airport to meet you and you're making out with some whore 10 feet in front of me.”

 “Don't talk about her like that, Leighanne,” Brian replied softly. “You don't even know her.”

“And you do?” Leighanne yelled back in frustration. “You couldn't have possibly known this girl for that long. You're here now and she's gone and you're going to be alone in this big house, just like I was. Then, you'll feel sorry and you'll remember what it's like to not have me in your life.”

 Brian closed his eyes and shook his head slowly from side to side.

“No,” he replied softly while reaching into the bag on was still on his shoulder. He pulled out the divorce papers that he had been carrying around with him and threw them down on top of her opened suitcase. “No, I'm not going to feel that way. It's over between us. Done. I want out.”

“NO!” she yelled as she took a step toward Brian. “No! You're not leaving me. We are NOT getting divorced. You love me!” Leighanne pounded furiously on Brian's chest as she yelled. As he took a step back, she took a step forward and hit him again. “You love me!”

Brian grabbed Leighanne by the arms and looked into her glazed eyes. “I wanted to talk to you about this rationally, but it's over, Leighanne. I can't keep living this life that you and I have been living. I do love you, but I fell out of love with you a long time ago.”

Brian didn't mean to be so cold, but maybe that was the only way that Leighanne would listen to him. It was hard to be rational with a woman who thought that she knew your feelings better than you did.

 Leighanne continued to shake her head. She backed away from Brian and whispered, “No.” She pulled down the stack of papers that Brian had laid on top of her suitcase and threw them on the bed. “I won't sign this. I won't agree to this. You don't mean it.”

 “Leighanne,” Brian sighed. He walked slowly over to where Leighanne and bracing herself on the bed, holding herself up so that she wouldn't collapse. Brian grabbed her gently and turned her toward him.

 Leighanne looked up at him slowly. There was a hardening in her chest and she couldn't breathe.

“Please don't leave me, Brian,” she cried desperately. “Please.”

 Brian ran his hands through her blond hair and shook his head slowly. He could feel the tears that were springing to his eyelids. He kissed Leighanne's forehead gently.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered. “I'm sorry that it has to be this way. I'm sorry that you married the wrong man because you deserve so much better than I can give you. You deserve someone who really, truly loves and cherishes you. I'm sorry.”

 Leighanne wrapped her arms around Brian and held on for her life as she sobbed into his chest. “You can't do this, Brian. You can't leave me. I don't know how to live without you. I know that I'm hard on you, but I just want things to be the way that they used to be. Let's talk. Let's work this out. I'll do anything.”

 Brian wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and gently pulled away from her. “It's too late to try to fix it. You know that this isn't right; you just don't want to give up. It's done, Leigh. It probably should have been done a long time ago.”

 “You don't mean that,” Leighanne whispered hoarsely. “You don't mean it.”

 “I do,” Brian replied, trying to stay strong even though it was hard. “I do mean it.”

 “No,” she replied calmly. “No. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to leave now. I'm going to my sister's and I'm going to stay with her and you're going to stay here and we're going to take some more time and in a couple weeks, you'll change your mind, you'll want to talk about this.”

 “Leighanne,” Brian interrupted, but Leighanne continued speaking.

 “No,” Leighanne replied as she zipped up her suitcase and pulled it off of the bed and out the bedroom door as Brian followed behind slowly. “It's okay. You know? I'm going to go. You're going to change your mind. I know that you are.”

 “Stop it, Leigh,” Brian cut in. “Just stop, this isn't going to go away. This is real. I'm not going to change-”

 Leighanne just shook her head and turned back toward him with a smile, which caused Brian to quit speaking.

“I love you and it's okay. I'm not going to hold this against you. I'm going to go now and when we talk, I'll forget this ever happened. You don't mean it.” She kissed him quickly on the lips and hurried out the front door, slamming it in Brian's face.

Brian rushed to open the door, completely confused by what had just happened. He knew that Leighanne was in shock, but he didn't expect her to completely ignore what he was trying to tell her. He didn't even know if she was serious about ignoring the pending divorce, or if the things that she was saying were a coping mechanism.

“Leighanne!” Brian called out to her as she packed her car with the things she had brought from the house. “Leighanne! This is crazy. Will you listen to me?”

But Leighanne never turned around. Instead, she got into her car and drove off toward her sister's house, which was fairly close by, leaving Brian standing in the front yard just as he had done to her a few short months earlier.

Brian didn't know how to explain what had just happened. He couldn't wrap his mind around the mess in the house, and their crazy fight and then Leighanne's complete denial. Leighanne was the type of person who always got everything that she wanted, so Brian didn't deny that she completely believed that he was going to change his mind. That wasn't exactly the way that he wanted that conversation to go. In his mind, the perfect situation would have been for them to sit down like adults and actually talk. Then, he hoped to tell her that he had fallen in love with Noelle and for Leighanne to see that he really meant it, that someone else made him happy. He hoped that she'd be mature about it and that she'd want him to be happy in the end, even if it meant being happy without her.

Okay, so he'd hoped for too much.

Brian walked slowly back into the house, plopped down on the couch and surveyed the mess that Leighanne had made of their house. He knew that Noelle was waiting for his phone call, but he had to clean this disaster area before it drove him crazier than he already felt.

----

It was after midnight and, though she had gotten little sleep the night before, Noelle was wide awake. She hadn't heard from Brian since she had left him that morning, and it was starting to make her nervous. It wasn't that she was afraid that he was going to change his mind or anything—not really. Well, okay, the thought had crossed her mind. It was plausible wasn’t it? Brian went back home, took one look at his beautiful wife and realized what a mistake that he was making?

Noelle sighed and turned onto her other side. She was tired of watching the minutes tick by on the digital clock. She was trying not to be so insecure. Brian and Leighanne had a lot to talk about. Divorce is a pretty big issue and if they were still in the house together, then of course Brian couldn't call Noelle and there was no way that Noelle was going to call Brian.

Noelle wasn't normally this pathetic. At least, she wasn't this pathetic when she and Brian had first met. She probably needed therapy. It wasn't normal for a woman to perpetually fall for unavailable men. Noelle understood that things were different with Brian—or at least, they were going to be—but here she was, lying in bed, waiting for Brian to leave his wife just as she had done with Rob so many times before. Rob had made the same promises. He had never showed her divorce papers, but he promised her over and again, “Tonight, Noelle. I'll tell her tonight.”

“Chill out, Noelle,” she said to herself with a sigh. “You only saw him a few hours ago for God's sake.”

Just as she closed her eyes, her cell phone rang on the bedside table next to her. She grabbed the phone quickly and smiled when she saw Brian's silly face flashing at her.

“Hey, you,” she answered softly.

Brian smiled when he heard Noelle's tired voice. He hadn't wanted to call because it was so late, but he was glad that he did. “Hey Beautiful. Enjoying being home?”

Noelle smiled and rolled onto her back. “I would enjoy it more if you were here with me. How are things with you?”

Brian groaned softly, then chuckled to himself. “I'm okay, I guess. I'm glad to be talking to you.”

“Rough day?” Noelle probed. She wanted more of the details, but she wasn't sure if she should pry. She didn't even know Leighanne. What right did Noelle have to know how the biggest conversation of her life had gone?

“To say the least. She didn't really take it well, as can be expected, but it's done. I gave her the divorce papers and she left. She went to her sister's house in Macon,” Brian finally replied as he leaned back against the headboard of his bed. “I wasn't going to tell you this, but uh, she was actually there, in the airport.”

Noelle gasped and sat up in bed. “What?”

“Yeah,” Brian replied, “that's why I wasn't going to tell you.”

“She saw us in the airport together? Brian!” Noelle shrieked.

She didn't want Leighanne to find out about her like that. She really didn't care if Leighanne ever found out about her, but to see her husband and some other woman laughing and talking and kissing and hugging and doing all of the things that that the two of you haven't done because of a separation or because of fighting or because of whatever, well, that was heartbreaking.

“I know, Noelle,” Brian responded quietly. “It wasn't the ideal situation, but it happened and I dealt with it.”

“What happened?” Noelle asked impulsively. Now, she was actually involved. “What did she say?”

Brian shrugged though he knew that she couldn't see him. “She called me an adulterous bastard, basically. She went home and destroyed some of my things and then she started to pack. I don't even really know how it happened. I just know that at some point, I got frustrated and threw the divorce papers at her.”

“Oh, God,” Noelle gasped softly. “That sounds terrible. I'm sorry.”

“Don't worry about it, Sweetheart. It wasn't meant to go well,” Brian replied, suddenly exhausted. The day was wearing him thin. “I'll be glad to be on the road again next week.”

“Yeah,” Noelle whispered. “So, what are you going to do now? I mean, with all of your things and whatever? What are you going to do?”

Brian shook his head slowly. He hadn't really thought about it, but now that she mentioned it he guessed that he couldn't really leave anything that meant anything to him here. “I don't know. I guess I'll have to put them in storage. I'll have some phone calls to make tomorrow.”

“I can come back to help you if you want,” Noelle replied, though she knew that it was a bad idea.

“No,” Brian responded quickly. “I can't let you do that. I don't know if Leighanne is going to come back and I can't put you in the middle of all of this, but thank you for offering. It's getting pretty late. I really should let you go. We both need to get some sleep.”

Noelle sighed. She didn't want to let him go, but she knew that he was right. “Okay. Try to sleep well. I'll talk to you tomorrow?”

“First thing,” Brian replied with a smile. “I love you, Noelle.”

Noelle smiled and pressed the phone closer to her ear as if she held the phone close enough it would bring Brian closer. “I love you, too, Brian. I'll see you soon.”

Brian and Noelle said their goodbyes and then hung up shortly thereafter. Noelle was a mixed bag of emotions. She loved that even though Brian had such a bad day he could push all of that aside and still tell her that he loved her, but she hated that she was in the middle of such a messy situation.

Both AJ and Emily were right, Brian and Noelle should have tried to wait until Brian's marriage was completely over with until they got together, but that didn't change the facts now. When they were together, nothing had ever felt more right.

“You saw Brian at the airport with another woman?” Leighanne’s sister, Suzanne, gasped.

Suzanne was completely shocked. Brian never seemed like the kind of guy that cheats on his wife. Until Brian had asked Leighanne for a separation months earlier, he and Leighanne were always the perfect couple. They had the kind of relationship that everyone else in the world envied. Suzanne had asked Leighanne when the demise of her and Brian’s relationship came to light whether she thought that Brian had met someone else, but she never believed it.

“That’s not even the worst part,” Leighanne sobbed. She hadn’t been able to stop crying since she’d arrived at her sister’s house the night before. It was now almost 24 hours later and she was just becoming able to say the words. “He came home with divorce papers. He wants to leave me.”

“No,” Suzanne gasped again. She had always assumed that when Brian got back from his tour things would be okay again. Never in her wildest dreams did she think that he would actually ask for a divorce. “What did you say?”

“What was I supposed to say?” Leighanne choked out tearfully. “I just left. I told him that he didn’t mean it. I guess that I acted kind of crazy, but he can’t mean it. We’re meant to be together. Everyone knows it. He used to know it, too. It’s that damned girl that’s gotten to him.”

“Those things never last, Leigh, and besides, he cheated on you. It shouldn’t be his choice if he gets to be with you or not, you should hold all of the balls in your hands,” Suzanne replied softly. She hated to see her sister like this. Leighanne was always so strong. Even if Brian was her husband, no matter how much she loved him, she was too good for a man that would cheat on her. “Maybe Brian asking for this divorce is the best thing that could happen to you.”

“How can you even say that?” Leighanne asked as she wiped her wet cheeks dry. “He’s the love of my life, Suzanne. I won’t just let him go like this.”

“If a man cheats once, chances are that he’ll do it again,” Suzanne reasoned. “Is that what you want to live with? The constant fear that your husband is cheating on you?”

Leighanne shook her head slowly. “No, but Brian never was that guy. He’s just going through something right now.”

“If Brian really was the love of your life, it wouldn’t be this hard,” Suzanne replied simply, which made Leighanne furious.

“Are you kidding me?” she yelled. “Maybe that reasoning is exactly why you’re divorced, Suzanne. Marriage is hard work and I’m not done working on mine.”

“I know that you’re upset, but you have no right to talk to me like that, Leighanne,” Suzanne snapped back. “I know that marriage is hard work, but what I have also learned is that it takes two people to work at it and obviously, Brian doesn’t want to have to work as hard as you do.”

“You don’t know anything about it,” Leighanne replied, barely above a whisper.

“You sound crazy, do you know that?” Suzanne shrieked, and then lowered her voice. “One minute you’re sobbing about how terrible he is and the next minute, you’re taking up for him. Which is it going to be? Do you want to hate him or do you want to make it work?”

“I want to make it work,” Leighanne responded without a moment’s hesitation.

“Then what are you doing here? Are you waiting for him to come to you? Because that’s not going to work.” Suzanne reached out for her sister’s hand and squeezed it gently. She didn’t quite understand why Leighanne wasn’t angrier at the situation. Maybe she was right and eventually Brian was going to realize his mistake, but that could take weeks or months or years and she didn’t think that Leighanne wanted to wait that long. “If you want Brian back, you need to be there, with him, trying to talk this thing out calmly. Brian doesn’t handle your temper that well, you’ve always known that. You need to take it down a notch and just talk to him. If you want this to work, you need to fight for it to work.”

Leighanne nodded. She completely understood what Suzanne was saying, but she didn’t know how to do it. She didn’t know how to make Brian listen. They had been fighting for so long that it was almost as if they had forgotten how to simply talk to each other. She knew that her sister was right; she had to try. If she wanted things to work, she couldn’t make the mistake that she’d already made and expect that some time on tour would change his mind and make him realize what he was missing at home. She couldn’t let him leave without knowing that she loved him and that she was going to fight to be with him until the day that she died.

----

After getting off of the phone with Noelle the night before, Brian had slept a fitful sleep. He had tossed and turned the entire night. All that he could see were images of Leighanne’s distraught face as he slept in the bed that they once shared. It just didn’t seem right that he was there in their bedroom and she was gone.

Leighanne was supposed to stay at the house. Brian was supposed to be the one that left, not the other way around.

The next morning, he was up early. His body just wasn’t having it. His internal clock was already screwed up from being in Europe for six months, let alone the drama that his brain was going through. As he looked around the room, he decided that he needed to start packing and putting anything that was important to him into a storage facility for safe keeping until he could come back and find a place of his own to live.

By noon, Brian had most of the things that he cared about boxed up and stacked by the door. Mostly, he’d packed the old memories that Leighanne hadn’t destroyed. He also packed the clothes that he wouldn’t need for the rest of the tour. When everything was finished, he had called a local storage company that he and Leighanne had used to store their things while their house was being built to come and pick up his things later that afternoon.

Brian threw himself down onto the couch and slung an arm over his eyes. Packing was actually pretty torturous. It just made the whole thing real. Before he had time to dwell on the seriousness of the situation again, his phone started to buzz in his pocket. He smiled when he took a peek at the screen and saw Noelle’s face flashing at him.

“Hey Beautiful,” Brian answered softly.

 “Hey yourself,” Noelle replied, glad to simply hear his voice. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“Not at all,” Brian replied as he sat up on the couch and crossed his feet on the glass coffee table in front of him. “You have perfect timing actually.”

“Do I?” Noelle asked coyly.

“You do,” Brian responded with a smile. “I was just thinking about how much I miss you.”

“You just saw me yesterday,” Noelle replied with a laugh, even though she missed him terribly too.

“Does that mean that you don’t miss me?” Brian asked, jokingly.

“Maybe that’s exactly what I’m saying.” Noelle laughed and rolled her eyes to herself. She had never missed a human being more in such a short time apart.

There was a slight pause in conversation as Brian felt an irrational surge of annoyance rush through him.

“Thanks. It’s not like I’m not having a hard enough few days.” He meant for the statement to sound lighter than it had actually come out. He hadn’t meant to be so cold and serious.

“Whoa, I was only kidding, Brian,” Noelle replied softly. “Are you okay?”

Brian knew that he’d hurt her feelings and he hated that. He’d known that she had been joking and he was just tired—mentally and physically.

“Not really,” he replied softly. “I’m not okay and I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“Well,” Noelle responded softly, nervously even. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to say really,” Brian answered. “This just turned out to be harder than I thought that it was going to be—the packing my life away and everything.”

“I’m sorry,” Noelle whispered. “Maybe I should let you go. I don’t guess that I’m making this any easier on you.”

Brian sighed to himself softly. He could hear the wavering in her voice. “It’s not you, Noelle. You’re what makes this bearable, I promise. I told you that I love you and I mean it. I do. I love you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Noelle replied. “I love you, too. Just don’t shut down on me, okay? I don’t know where my place is in all of this. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say and what I’m not supposed to say and I just—If you change your mind or decide that you need time or something--”

“That’s not it,” Brian sighed. “I haven’t changed my mind and I know that I’m too sensitive about things sometimes, but that’s because I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel either. I know that I don’t want to be in this marriage anymore, but I don’t know what the right way to feel is.”

“I can understand that,” Noelle responded softly.

She wanted to understand what Brian was going through, but his snapping was only making her wonder if he was really ready to move on or if he needed more time. She didn’t want to get in the way and she was afraid that he would end up resenting her later on. More and more Noelle was starting to consider that maybe AJ was right.

“I didn’t really sleep that well last night. I could just be tired, too.” Brian suddenly broke into Noelle’s thoughts. He stopped when he heard a banging at the front door. “I think that the movers are here to get my stuff. I’ll call you back later, okay?”

Noelle paused, confused by what exactly had just happened. “Um, yeah. Okay.” 

When Brian hung up the phone without so much as a goodbye, she threw the phone down on the bed next to her and groaned. She was afraid that her fears may have just come true. He was having regrets and that scared her to death.

Meanwhile, in Atlanta, Brian hurried into the foyer to get the door, but as he approached he saw that no one was knocking; instead, the banging that he heard was only Leighanne trying to get through the door where Brian’s boxes were stacked.

Brian froze when he saw her enter. He didn’t know if he had another fight left in him. He said what he needed to say. Couldn’t that be it? Couldn’t they both just accept it and move on?

“What’s all this?” Leighanne asked calmly.

Brian sighed and shrugged. “I just needed to get some stuff out of here. I got everything that I wanted, the rest is yours.”

“So you’re really going through with this?” Leighanne continued, though her question came out more as a statement.

Brian nodded. “I tried to talk to you yesterday, Leigh. I thought long and hard about all of this and I know that it’s right. We’re not meant to be together.”

Leighanne shook her head and looked away from him. “I still don’t think that you mean it. I still think that somewhere inside of you you’re having second thoughts. I know you. I know that it can’t be this easy for you to walk away.”

“It isn’t easy,” Brian replied. “It’s one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to do, but I still know that it has to be done. Sure, we can stay together forever, but at what price?”

“Brian,” Leighanne replied softly as she looked back up at him. She was surprised to see tears in his eyes for the first time since the day he left for Europe. “Brian, have you ever thought that you’re thinking about this in the wrong way? Maybe it’s not the price that you should be thinking about. It’s the benefit; it’s the end prize.” Leighanne took a step toward him and placed her hands on either side of his face. She wiped the tears that were falling down his face with her thumbs. “I love you Brian and I know that even though you may not like me right now for whatever reason, you know that you love me too.”

Brian watched as Leighanne leaned into him slowly. Just as her lips were about to touch his, he turned his face away and stepped back. He shook his head.

“No,” Brian replied. “A couple of days of tears doesn’t take away from the years that we’ve spent fighting.”

He turned away from her and picked up his car keys from the catchall table that stood parallel with the door. Luckily, he’d already been planning on leaving once the movers showed up so his tour suitcases were already packed into the car. “I’ve got to get out of here.”

“Why do you keep doing this?” Leighanne asked as she, too, began to cry. “Why do you keep running away every time that you start to feel something or every time it starts to get a little bit hard?”

“One day you’ll understand, Leighanne,” Brian replied softly. “One day you’ll see that this is right. Until then, I don’t have anything else to say.”

When the door slammed behind Brian Leighanne flinched, but this time she let him leave. Despite the conversation, Leighanne still felt good about what was said. She saw that this was harder on him than he let on. Whether Brian wanted her to or not, she found hope in his tears. For the first time in months, she really believed that maybe they could work this marriage out.

Brian was shaking as he left the house. He hated the rush of emotions that was running through him. Not since he’d made his decision had he felt such a strong indecision. It was so much easier to make the decide to get divorced when Leighanne wasn’t being reasonable. She had suddenly flipped a switch and turned the bitch that he’d been married to off and turned the woman that he remembered back on. How the hell does that even happen?

Brian knew what he needed to do. He knew where he needed to go. He needed to head south on Interstate 75.

 -----

Noelle had been a wreck since getting off of the phone with Brian earlier in the day. She was still wondering what had happened. Was he really just tired? Had he changed his mind about her? Had she been duped again by another fucking married man?

Her emotions ran from devastated to pissed off and back again. She was hoping that Brian would call her back and apologize or, at least, explain. Granted, he had started to explain his cold demeanor right before he hung up on her, but still.

Instead of dwelling on it, Noelle tried to keep herself busy. She caught up on the laundry that she had been putting off and paid all of the bills that she had been neglecting. Before she knew it, the sun was starting to set and her stomach was starting to growl.

As she opened the bare refrigerator to scan the contents for anything at all edible, she was distracted by someone knocking on her front door. Assuming it was Emily—and wondering why her friend was even knocking in the first place—she swung the door opened without looking through the peephole.

When Brian saw Noelle’s face, he dropped his duffel bag and immediately pulled her into his arms. He pressed his mouth to hers and kissed her hungrily until he had no choice but to breathe.

“Brian,” Noelle gasped, surprised. She grabbed his hand and his duffel bag and pulled him inside. “What are you doing here?”

“I needed to see you,” Brian replied as he pulled her close and kissed her again.

Noelle pulled away suspiciously. “What’s going on? You were completely bummed and cold on the phone earlier and now you ‘had to see me’? I don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry,” he replied softly. “I know that I’m bombarding you, I just… you always make me feel better about everything. I don’t feel crazy when I’m around you and that’s exactly what I’ve felt since you left Atlanta yesterday.”

Brian stopped and shook his head. “Yesterday? Really, it was just yesterday?”

“Honey,” she replied gently. A smile that she was unable to stifle rose to her face as she pulled him over to the couch where they both sat down. “You’re starting to sound crazy.”

Brian laid back on the couch and pulled Noelle down with him. When he left Atlanta earlier in the day, he’d immediately gotten onto the interstate without even thinking much about it. He had Noelle’s address in the contacts on his phone. He plugged it into the GPS and let the machine he had affectionately named Lucy lead the way. Now, as he had Noelle wrapped in his arms, he wondered why he didn’t leave Atlanta sooner and save himself from another fight with his soon-to-be ex-wife.

Noelle slid her hand up Brian’s shirt and let her cold fingers rest against his soft skin. She leaned down and kissed his chest softly. “Okay, tell me everything. What happened?”

Brian sighed. “How long do you have?”

“I have as long as you need me for,” Noelle replied with a warm smile.

Brian could literally feel the stress melting away as he ran his hands through Noelle’s soft brown hair. He knew that he had no reason to doubt that he was making the right decision. This was right. Coming to Gainesville and being with Noelle was right.

“Let’s save the talking for later. I just want to lie here for right now. I’m perfect just like this.”

As Noelle snuggled closer to him, Brian sighed contentedly and kissed the top of her head softly knowing that he would have no problem staying that way forever.

The morning after arriving to Gainesville, Brian awoke early. He pulled Noelle closer to him gently and smiled to himself. Finally, it seemed like everything was right. Leighanne knew that things were over between her and Brian—even if she was unwilling to accept it at that moment—and Brian was where he belonged. He finally felt okay again.

Earlier in the year, while he was torturing himself over the decision of whether or not to leave Leighanne, Brian knew that he was unhappy in his marriage and with the way that his life had turned out, but until he was truly happy again—in love with Noelle, in love with his work and the people surrounding him—he didn’t really realize how unhappy he had been. The day before, an overwhelming feeling of guilt pinged off of his every nerve ending. He didn’t want to hurt Leighanne, but how could he lie to himself now? How could he allow himself to feel a completely nauseating, heart-wrenching sense of nothingness when he finally remembered how it could be better than that?

That was Brian’s whole thing in the beginning. He didn’t remember anything different than sadness and fighting and headaches. In his heart, he knew that wasn’t the way that marriage was supposed to be, but his head told him that he didn’t have any other choice, that Leighanne was the choice that he had made and that Leighanne was the choice that he was stuck with for the rest of his life.

Brian never believed in divorce, and as hypocritical as it sounded, until he was in the position where he was questioning whether getting divorced was the right move for him to make, he was so judgmental towards people who hadn’t stuck it out or tried harder. Maybe there were other things that Brian could have tried—marriage counseling, a longer trial separation—but he always came back to this moment, or other moments like it, when he had the woman that he truly loved wrapped in his arms.

He hadn’t been fair to Noelle the day before. He was going through something inside and ended up snapping at her and then, without even thinking about it, he hung up on her. He knew that he hurt her feelings, though she wouldn’t mention it now after knowing where his head was at the time.

They’d had a long talk the night before. He’d spilled his guts and retold the entire story about how it hurt him to hurt someone who cared about him no matter how right that it was. Noelle was as understanding and compassionate as she could be, but Brian knew that it was hard for her to hear the intimate details of the conversation and about the way that Brian felt. It would be hard for anything to believe that Brian was truly invested in starting over so soon. Brian wasn’t sure of much, but he was sure about the way that he felt about Noelle.

Brian leaned down and kissed the top of her head softly and then untangled himself from Noelle’s body. He slipped out of her room quietly, made his way to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Brian’s intentions had been to make Noelle breakfast; however, after scanning the contents of her cabinets, that didn’t seem likely.

Just as Brian leaned in to pull out a carton of eggs, he heard footsteps approaching behind him. He smirked, learning that he’d been caught, but grabbed the carton anyway.

“Hey, Baby,” Brian called from inside the fridge. “I was going to make you breakfast. You ruined the surprise.”

As Brian turned around with the carton of eggs in his hand, he realized that he wasn’t talking to Noelle at all. There was a petite red-headed woman standing behind him. He quickly scanned his memories, trying to remember when Noelle had mentioned that she had a roommate.

“Uh, hi,” he said sheepishly and then pointed down at the blue carton that he was holding. “Eggs?”

Emily’s jaw fell to the ground. There was a Backstreet Boy. In Noelle’s kitchen. In his freaking underwear. She tried to pinch herself inconspicuously to see if she was dreaming. Judging by the smirk on Noelle’s boyfriend’s face, she hadn’t been as stealth as she’d like to imagine.

“Um, hi. Hello. No, no eggs for me. I’m just going to go get Noelle,” Emily stammered as she stumbled back towards Noelle’s bedroom.

“She’s not awake yet,” Brian replied, still smirking. “You can hang out with me. I can put some pants on and we can have breakfast?”

Brian laughed to himself. He realized that he didn’t know this girl, but he figured that if she was trying to rob the place he could probably take her in a fight.

“Yeah, you know, I think I hear Noelle in the other room, actually.” She held up a finger to Brian signaling that she’d be right back. “One minute.”

Emily quickly backed into Noelle’s room and slammed the door shut. She noticed that Noelle was still sleeping soundly and she was grateful for that. She picked up a pillow from the side of the bed that she assumed was Brian’s and smashed it into Noelle’s head.

Noelle shot up in bed, ready to start swinging at whoever had hit her with that pillow. She wasn’t good at waking up in the first place, least of all while being smashed in the head in the middle of an endearing dream about the man that she loved. It would figure that he would break her from a perfect dream Brian by being goofy real Brian.

When she looked over and saw that it was Emily clutching the pillow, she narrowed her eyes. “What the hell was that for?”

“You could have warned me that Brian was here. Naked, in your kitchen, none the less,” Emily whispered harshly. She swung the pillow and hit Noelle with it again.

Noelle jumped out of bed and grabbed the pillow from her friend.

“Would you please stop doing that?” She threw the pillow on the bed and shook her head. “He got here late last night. I didn’t have time to tell you. You’re the one that barged into my apartment first thing in the morning. And he’s NOT naked.”

“He’s in his underwear. It’s the same thing,” Emily replied, a slight blush creeping into her cheeks. “You never cared about me letting myself in before.”

“I still don’t care,” Noelle argued. “Just don’t complain when there are unfamiliar hot men in my kitchen.”

Emily laughed softly and shook her head. “I can’t believe there’s a Backstreet Boy in your kitchen right now. What the freaking hell?”

“Em, seriously, he’s Brian. That’s it. He’s not just some Backstreet Boy,” Noelle replied with a smirk. “Though, this is probably the answer to all of your teenage fantasies. Should I leave so that you can fulfill them?”

Emily closed her eyes out of sheer embarrassment. “I knew that I never should have told you that I was a teeny back in the day.”

Noelle laughed and pushed her friend playfully in the shoulder. “I’m sorry. I won’t mention it again. Would you like me to formally introduce you to Brian?”

Emily started to nod, but Brian hadn’t given the girls the chance to make their way into the kitchen. He knocked lightly on the bedroom door and then let himself in. While Emily and Noelle were powwowing in the bedroom, Brian had gone into his suitcase where he’d left it in the living room the night before and pulled out a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. Now fully dressed, he felt a little less dirty about being alone in an apartment with his new girlfriend and her best friend.

“Morning, Elle,” Brian greeted with a truly genuine smile. “Are you ladies hungry? I was going to scramble up some eggs.”

Noelle bounced over to where Brian was waiting in the doorway and kissed him softly while pulling him further into her bedroom. “That would be great, but first, I want to introduce you to my best friend, Emily.”

Brian smiled and extended his hand for Emily to shake. “We’ve kind of already met, but it’s nice to know your name.”

Emily blushed again and Brian chuckled. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I’m not usually so lame.”

“Not lame,” Brian replied, shaking his head. “I get it. A strange man is in your friend’s kitchen and you’re trying to decide whether to shoot him with the mace or give your friend a high five.”

Noelle rolled her eyes and smiled softly. “Men high five over bagging random strangers, Brian, not women.”

“No,” Emily replied with a giggle. “He’s kind of right. High five, Noelle.”

Noelle laughed and high-fived her friend. “You’re retarded.”

Brian laughed along with Noelle and Emily. He figured that he should have been embarrassed—about being a sort-of married man, caught half-naked in his girlfriend’s kitchen by her best friend—but the girls were both comfortable, he had no reason not to be. The playfulness was broken, however, when Brian’s phone buzzed on the bedside table in front of him. He pushed past both of the women and picked up his cell phone.

“Hmm,” he said, mostly to himself. “That’s weird. It says I have a voicemail.”

“Did you hear it ring?” Noelle asked Emily as Brian brought the phone to his ear to check the message. Emily simply shook her head.

Brian shot a small apologetic smile across the room. He realized that he was being rude, but the number of the missed call was from Atlanta. There was no telling what drama was waiting for him behind his voice mailbox now.

After a second, an unfamiliar male’s voice began to speak. “This message is for Mr. Brian Littrell. This is Mike from ABC Storage. I’m calling to confirm that your reserved storage unit has been cancelled and your deposit has been credited back to your account. If you have any questions, please feel free to call me at 321-555-9876.”

Brian stared at the phone in confusion for a second and then clenched his jaw.

“Damn it,” he cursed to himself under his breath. He slammed his phone shut.“You’ll have to excuse me. I need to make a call.”

He brushed back past Emily and then kissed Noelle on the cheek before slipping out of the room.

When she heard the front door slam, Emily turned to Noelle with wide eyes. “That’s weird. What was that about?”

Noelle shrugged and looked curiously to the door. “I don’t know.”

Outside, Brian was furiously dialing his EX-wife’s phone number. Leighanne answered after only one ring.

“Brian,” she breathed. “I was hoping that you’d call. Where are you?”

“Where I am is none of your business,” Brian spat furiously. He didn’t know how to get through to her anymore. What part of ‘it’s over’ did she not understand? “Where do you get off cancelling my storage unit? I had everything set up. I’m leaving for tour again soon, Leighanne, I’m don’t have the time to play games.”

“Who’s playing games?” Leighanne asked, softly. “I know that you’re going to change your mind. All of your things are back where they belong in the house.”

“What?” Brian asked, respectably calm considering the situation.

“I put your clothes back in the closet and I hung your accolades back on the walls. Your things are where they belong,” Leighanne reiterated.

Suddenly, she got a bad feeling. Things seemed like there was a chance that he was changing his mind, now Leighanne wasn’t so sure.

“Leighanne!” Brian yelled. “I gave you the divorce papers. They’re going to be filed in the court sometime soon! My things belonged in storage, not in that house!”

“I threw them out,” Leighanne replied stubbornly. “I told you. I’m not getting divorced. Period.”

“You don’t get to make that choice alone. You can’t just say ‘no.’,” Brian responded. He was trying not to raise his voice. Noelle’s neighbors didn’t need to know about his drama, but Leighanne was making this so much harder that it needed to be.

“Well, you don’t get to just make the choice either, Brian,” Leighanne snapped back.

“Why can’t you just handle this with some class?” Brian yelled. He knew that it was a low-blow, but he was out of ways to handle this diplomatically. “Just sign the papers and let me go. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?”

“You don’t know that you don’t want to be with me,” Leighanne replied softly.

Brian could hear her voice cracking and he suddenly hated himself again. It sucked that he had to break Leighanne’s heart. He never saw himself as a divorcee either, but when it’s done, it’s done and he was getting increasingly frustrated with the situation.

“Leigh, I’m sorry. I know this is hard, but I do know that I don’t want to be with you. Being together wasn’t a mistake, but we made a mistake ever getting married and I’m sorry,” Brian replied as gently as he could. He walked over to the balcony railing and leaned against it. He twined one of his hands into his hair and squeezed his eyes shut.

“You’re wrong,” Leighanne replied, through her fight was fading. She knew that he would see what was right in front of him eventually, but arguing wasn’t going to be the way.

“I’m not,” Brian sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.”

Brian slammed his phone shut without waiting for her to say goodbye or to argue her point. He thought after last weekend, he’d be done arguing. The decision was made, why couldn’t it just be over?

Brian was broken from his thoughts when the door closed behind him and Emily walked out of the house. Brian stood up straight and tried to smile. “Leaving so soon?”

Emily nodded slowly. “Yeah, I have some things to take care of. I was just dropping off Noelle’s mailbox key.”

“Are you sure that you don’t want to stay for breakfast?” Brian probed, though really, he wasn’t into it anymore.

“I’ll have to take a rain check,” Emily replied as she waved and made her way to the stairs. She paused at the top of the staircase and turned around. “It was really nice to meet you though. I hope that I’m not over stepping my boundaries, but I know that the two of you are in a weird situation and I just wanted to say that I’m really glad that you’ve been able to work it out. I haven’t seen her as happy in a while.”

Brian couldn’t help but to grin at Emily’s words. He made Noelle happy and he was glad for that. “Thanks, Emily. We’ll have to get together again before Noelle and I leave.”

 Emily nodded. “Definitely.”

As she waved goodbye and turned toward the staircase, Brian walked back inside the house. He closed the door gently and exhaled a soft sigh. Noelle was waiting for him in the living room.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m not really feeling breakfast anymore though. You want to just hang out in bed this morning?” Brian walked over to her slowly and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Wrapped in my arms. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to be.”

Noelle smiled sympathetically and kissed his jaw line softly. “That sounds amazing.”

Brian smiled gently and scooped Noelle into his arms, content simply to have her lie by his side of the rest of the no-doubt long day.

----

Later that night, Brian and Noelle were out to dinner at one of Noelle’s favorite restaurants, Carolyn’s Kitchen. There was a comfortable feeling to the restaurant that served home-cooked favorites. Each booth was its own private sanctuary and there was a wood-burning fire that was always burning near the bar—even in the winter.

The restaurant was the perfect hideaway for Brian and Noelle. They could sit in their corner booth and not worry about Brian being disturbed by anyway and rumors starting to run rampant. 

All afternoon, they had been avoiding the subject of Brian’s rollercoaster ride mood swings, but Noelle was becoming frustratingly curious. Once their meals plates were cleaned and the decadent chocolate cake that they’d ordered was nearly finished. Noelle decided that she didn’t want to wait for him to decide to talk.

“So,” she started slowly as she took her final bite of cake. “Are you ever going to tell me what that phone call was about earlier?”

 Brian sighed softly and shrugged He put his fork down next to Noelle’s on the dessert plate. “It wasn’t anything.”

 Noelle rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Whatever you say.”

 Brian grinned a crooked smile and shook his head. He didn’t want Noelle to think that he was hiding things. He was just sick of thinking about it. He guessed that he wasn’t the only one who was tired of feeling this way.

“It was Leighanne. She cancelled my storage unit and threw away the divorce papers. I guess that she thinks that the more stubborn she is about it the more willing I’ll be to change my mind.”

Noelle could feel the anger rising in her—not at Brian, but at Leighanne. It was completely unwarranted and Noelle knew that. Brian was Leighanne’s husband. She had a right to fight for her marriage. Still, Noelle was staking claim here. She wasn’t letting go of this one, not when he’d already made the effort, not when he knew that he didn’t want to be with his wife anymore.

“What’s wrong?” Brian broke into Noelle’s thoughts.

Noelle smiled at how well he could read her. “Nothing, really. Jealousy, I guess?”

Brian laughed at her honesty. “You don’t have anything to be jealous of.”

 “Even so.” Noelle paused before continuing, “Can I ask you a question?”

 “Anything,” Brian answered quickly.

“When’s the last time that you and Leighanne… well, you know.” Noelle grabbed her water glass and pulled it in front of her face to hide the blush rising to her cheeks. She didn’t know what would possess her to ask such a personal question.

Brian chuckled to himself and shook his head. “Wow.”

“You don’t have to answer that,” Noelle replied quickly. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Brian replied as he ran a hand through his hair. “It’s not that. It was just unexpected.” Brian paused, thinking about it. He was shocked that he honestly couldn’t remember. Every time he thought back to sex, he thought of Noelle. “I really don’t know. Way before the tour started.”

Noelle nodded. “So, if you weren’t—together—ever, then how did she not see this coming?”

Brian shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, you don’t really want to think that your marriage is ending. Leighanne could probably stay in this misery forever. I can’t do it. Not anymore.”

“What changed?” Noelle fired off her next question.

“I don’t know,” Brian answered. “Everything. We were together for years and the next logical step was to get married, so we did. I’ve had a lot of time to think it over and I don’t know that it was ever really right. We started to fight a lot. She stopped being happy with my career. It was just one thing after another until enough was enough. I left the day before the tour started and within a few weeks, I asked for a separation. Truthfully, though I knew that divorce is what it was going to eventually come to, I didn’t have my lawyer draw up papers until a few weeks ago.”

Noelle let the new information process in her mind for a second before continuing with her line of questioning. She didn’t know what was making her so curious about all of the things that she had been avoiding. Maybe it was the fact that she was finally comfortable enough with him to ask? Maybe it was because she felt like she was so firmly involved.

“How do you feel? About your marriage ending? I mean, we talked about it a little bit the other day, but still. It’s incredibly sad, so I’m just wondering how you feel about it,” Noelle stammered on. She leaned into him across the table, but resisted the urge to reach out for his hand.

“Um, yeah,” Brian replied slowly as he turned her question around in his head. He looked down at the table and then looked back up again. “It’s sad. You never want to hurt someone that you care about, but I’m not in love with her anymore.

You’re a big part of my new state of clarity, but it’s so much more than that. Once the weight was lifted off of my shoulders, once I knew that it was really over, everything was better. I felt like I could breathe again.”

 Brian reached across the table and took Noelle’s folded hands into his. He smiled softly. “Any more curiosities?”

Noelle shook her head. “No, not really. I love you though.”

“I love you too,” Brian said. He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it softly. He pulled his hand away and signed the credit card slip to pay for their meal. “You ready to get out of here?”

Noelle nodded as Brian slid out of his seat. He held his hand out to her and helped her up out of her side of the booth. As they walked toward the entrance of the restaurant, Noelle wrapped her arm tightly around Brian’s back and pulled him close. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

Brian kissed the top of her head softly and draped his arm over her shoulders. “So am I.”

When they reached the parking lot, they noticed that it had started to rain.

“Hang out for a bit,” Brian said. “I’m going to go get the car.”

He leaned down and kissed her again before sprinting out through the rain.

As she watched Brian disappear through the lined rows of cars, a gust of wind chilled Noelle and she wrapped her arms around herself. A moment later, the doors to the restaurant swung opened behind her. When Noelle turned around to excuse herself and get out of the way of the door, she was shocked to see a familiar salt and pepper haired man with strong features and wise eyes staring at her.

“I see that you’ve got yourself a boy toy, huh, Noelle?” Rob Matheson asked with a smug smirk tugging on his pursed lips.

Noelle turned around quickly, her face pale. She could not believe that this was happening to her now. At that moment, she was completely convinced that the universe was playing tricks on her and she was already completely over it.

“What are you doing here?” Noelle asked softly, still turned away from Rob. She really didn’t care why he was there, what she meant to ask was ‘why are you bothering me?’

“I’m having dinner with a colleague,” Rob replied shortly.

Noelle smirked and looked down to the ground. “You mean your wife? Or a new skirt that you’re chasing after?”

Rob sighed heavily and stepped in front of Noelle, forcing her to look at him. “I’m not with my wife anymore. We’ve separated.”

Noelle couldn’t help it. Rob’s revelation caused her to break down into hysterical laughter.

“What’s the matter with you?” Rob questioned, a puzzled looked played upon his face.

“I’m just wondering when you’re going to stop, when you’re going to go away and let me forget that you ever existed as a part of my life.” Noelle stepped passed him, willing Brian to hurry up and bring the car around. It was starting to rain harder and the line of cars waiting to pick up other members of their respective parties was growing steadily longer. Noelle didn’t want to have to wait there with Rob any longer than she had to.

“I’ve been trying to call you,” Rob pushed, either not getting that she didn’t want anything to do with him or not caring what she wanted either way.

“I don’t have anything left to say to you.” Noelle closed her eyes tight and sighed. There was a time when Noelle prayed for this conversation to happen. Now, she realized that she really did have to be careful about what she prayed for.

Rob reached out to grab Noelle’s hand. Instinctively, she pulled her arms back and folded them across her chest.

“Noelle…”

“What?” Noelle snapped. “Just say what you have to say. What do you want from me?”

“Just hear me out. Will you listen?” Rob pleaded.

A frustrated blush crept onto his cheeks as he looked around at all of the people that were starting to gather and stare.

Without speaking, Noelle motioned for him to continue. She just wanted him to get out whatever he wanted to tell her so that he’d go away. It’d been a long time since she’d been this uncomfortable.

“We filed the papers--my wife and I--and we’re in the process of divorce right now. I’ve admitted to you before that I’ve never been completely faithful to her. I’ve had meaningless trysts with women just for the thrill of it, but things were different with you,” Rob whispered loudly. “I know that you can’t allow yourself to be in this relationship with me now, not until the divorce is final and I can be completely yours like I should have been from the beginning, but I want you to know that once this is over, I’m going to come looking for you. I love you. I’ll always love you.”

Noelle couldn’t help but to feel like she’d just had a much more genuine version of this conversation at a different moment in time. 

“You don’t love me,” Noelle replied quickly. “You lied to me for months. You let me go through hell alone. You got me kicked out of school. You were left unscathed for a mistake that was both of ours, while I got pulled through the mud. That’s not love.”

Noelle stopped and took in a deep breath. “There is a man out there right now, who does love me. You had your chance, Rob. You blew it.”

“You can’t be serious. You can’t really be choosing him. What does he have to offer you? A shitload of student loans and a minimum wage job?” Rob spat, which only caused Noelle to laugh again.

“You have no idea,” Noelle replied softly, shaking her head.

Just then, Brian pulled up to the curb and reached over then center consol to open her door. He was staring at her curiously, but didn’t say anything. Noelle stepped past Rob up to the car. Before she climbed in, she turned back to him and sighed.

“Just leave me alone,” she replied softly, hoping that Brian couldn’t hear her and that he didn’t notice the strained conversation she’d been having with this man just moment’s ago. She climbed into the car and slammed the door shut behind her.

Brian could feel that the mood had changed from just moments earlier. He wasn’t sure what had just happened outside of that restaurant, and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to ask. He hoped that Noelle would open up to him on her own, but after fifteen minutes of silence, Brian couldn’t stand it anymore.

“What was that?” he asked softly as he slid his hand into hers, hoping to offer a bit of comfort.

“Nothing,” she responded, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Okay,” Brian replied, dragging the word out. “Then, who was that?”

“No one,” Noelle replied quickly, pulling her hand out of Brian’s and turning toward the window.

 Brian nodded understandingly. He had known who that was all along; he just wanted her to be the one to say it.

“Rob,” he said softly as an irrational surge of anger passed over him. There had been a lot of that going on over the last few days.

He was in a rough position himself; the last thing that he needed was the woman that he loved to have jacked-up feelings remaining for some other guy.

Noelle turned and glared over at him. “Yes, Brian, it was Rob. What about it?”

Brian shook his head and clenched his jaw.

“Nothing about it,” he growled.

“What the hell is the matter with you?” Noelle snapped, wondering what Brian had to be angry about. He hadn’t just had to have a very public conversation with someone that he never wanted to see again about things that he didn’t want to ever think about again.

“Nothing is the matter with me,” Brian replied passive-aggressively. “I’m just fine. It’s perfectly okay with me that you still have feelings for your decrepit ex-boyfriend.”

“What the fuck, Brian?” Noelle yelled. “Seriously? You have no idea what that conversation was about. Maybe you should calm down before you jump to conclusions.”

“So, you don’t have feelings for him still?” Brian questioned, still angry. He wasn’t usually the jealous type. He didn’t know where this sudden insecurity was coming from.

“No. God, no,” Noelle shrieked. “And even if I did, you’re married, remember?”

“So is he!” Brian yelled back. “Are we seriously going to have this fight again?”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t know what the hell we’re fighting about to begin with!” Noelle barked back.

Noelle shook her head and turned again to look out the window, only looking back when she felt the car stop and heard Brian’s chuckling in the seat next to her.

“What are you laughing at?” Noelle asked, though she could already feel the smile growing on her lips, too. That was one thing about Brian that she loved. His smile was infectious.

They were now in front of Noelle’s apartment complex. Brian turned off the car and rubbed his hands over his face still laughing softly. “I was just thinking about how crazy this is. I don’t really know what we’re fighting about either. I’m sorry.”

Noelle smiled and reached for his hand. “I’m sorry too, Brian. I can see how you could have jumped to that conclusion, but really, I was standing there telling Rob how much I loved you. He pulled his same bullshit and it pissed me off and I just needed a minute. Okay?”

Brian sighed and nodded. “Yeah, you didn’t do anything wrong. I know that. It’s just been an emotional few weeks. I’m not usually this crazy, jealous guy. I just—I don’t know. It feels like every time we hurdle one obstacle, we end up falling into a sand pit.”

“I know what you mean,” Noelle replied softly.

“Do you want to talk about it? I mean, talk about what he chased you outside of the restaurant to talk to you about?” Brian smiled as he said the words so that she would know that he was joking.

“Not really,” she sighed. “Unless you really want to hear the details.”

Brian shook his head. “Not really. Unless you really want to tell the details.”

Noelle shook her head and leaned in to kiss him tenderly. “How about we just leave that one alone and pretend like this last half an hour never happened?”

Brian nodded. “I like that idea a lot.”

Noelle smirked and kissed him again. “Let’s go upstairs and finish this night the right way.”

Brian chuckled softly into her lips. “I like that idea even more.”

The rest of the week flew by. It wasn’t long before Brian and Noelle were headed to Canada to start the North American leg of the tour. AJ still didn’t know that Noelle was coming. Neither Brian nor Noelle had wanted to mention it to him. AJ had called them both a couple of times throughout the week. Noelle was the only one that spoke to him.

She told him about the long flight back to Atlanta and how she had left the plane to chase after Brian once it had landed. She even told him about how Leighanne had been there in the airport the next day and how Brian had given her the divorce papers that afternoon.

AJ had been so overwhelmed by the progression in Noelle and Brian’s relationship that she hadn’t wanted to spring it to him that his kid sister would be following him around another continent. Especially since this time, she’d be in one of his best friend’s beds. That might have been a little too much.

It didn’t take long for AJ to find out that Noelle was with Brian, though. It seemed that the Boys’ management had timed Brian and AJ’s arrivals so that they could take the same shuttle to the hotel. AJ was shocked when Brian walked out of the airport wheeling both his and Noelle’s luggage with Noelle trudging along behind him. Brian and Noelle would have been equally as shocked to see AJ had Brian not listened to his voicemail minutes before and found out that AJ was already waiting for him outside of the airport.

When AJ spotted Noelle and Brian, his jaw fell to the floor. He walked over to them quickly and pulled his sister’s arm so that she was made to keep her distance from Brian—at least in public. He had learned to be okay with them being together if that’s what they both wanted, but AJ wasn’t going to have his sister’s name dragged through the tabloids about being a home-wrecker if he could help it. They could go public as soon as Brian’s divorce was final.

“What are you doing here?” he hissed.

“I’m here with Brian, Alex,” Noelle replied, jauntily. “I thought I told you.”

She tried to smile, but she’d always been a terrible liar.

AJ shot her a look, knowing that Noelle knew that she’d kept him in the dark.

“And you,” he directed at Brian, “You think this is a good idea? Bringing my sister out here like this? You’re about to get divorced. Do you know how this is going to look?”

Brian sighed as he handed his and Noelle’s luggage to the driver of the van that was going to take the trio to the hotel. “I’m not stupid, AJ. I know that we have to be careful.”

“Yeah, flying over here together was really careful,” AJ replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

“I sat next to him on the plane. We weren’t making babies in the seats.” Noelle mocked AJ’s eye roll while AJ simply clenched his jaw.

“I guess I should have known that you wouldn’t let him leave you in Gainesville,” AJ replied bitingly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Noelle snapped, offended by his remark. “I’m a big girl. I don’t have to follow Brian around the world.”

“Um, hello,” Brian broke in, “if we’re trying to be inconspicuous, I don’t think that screaming at each other in the airport terminal is the best way to go. Get in the van if you want to fight.”

Noelle and AJ looked at each other and then jumped into the van, both pushing each other out of the way so that he or she could get in first. Brian rolled his eyes and smirked to himself. Seeing the two of them like this made it really hard to believe that they hadn’t grown up together.

AJ managed to get in first. He slid all the way over to the far side of the seat. Noelle slipped in next to him and Brian climbed into the far back seat of the van. He could have shared the seat where Noelle and AJ had staked their claim, but he decided he was going to let those two duke their problems out on their own. Brian had enough fighting for a lifetime, especially over things that were going to prove to be inconsequential.

“As I was saying,” AJ continued as the driver pulled out of the airport terminal and into the Canadian traffic. “I should have known that you wouldn’t let him leave you in Gainesville.”

Noelle rolled her eyes. “You’re a jerk. Brian’s my boyfriend, Alex. I have a right to be here if I want to be and if he wants me to be, which he does. Right Brian?”

When Brian started to reply, AJ cut him off. “Brian also knows how dangerous it is for you to be out here. You were worried about your name being dragged through the local news with what’s-his-face, what about when your name makes international news? Right Brian?”

“That is for us to worry about, right Brian?” Noelle and AJ glared at each other.

This time, Brian didn’t even try to answer. He sighed and slowly shook his head. Obviously, he was going to have to be the adult.

“Okay,” he broke in once he knew for sure that they had both made their points and were finished screaming at one another. “That’s enough. AJ, I understand your concerns, but please understand that I’m not going to thrust Noelle out into the paparazzi spotlight. I know the ramifications of anyone finding out about her. They won’t wait for the truth; they’ll print what they want.”

Noelle nodded, obviously assuming that Brian was on her side.

“And Noelle,” Brian continued. He leaned up and propped his arms on the seat in front of him in between AJ and Noelle. “AJ is right. We didn’t really talk about this, but we need to be careful.”

This time, AJ nodded.

“So what?” Noelle snapped. “We hide away? I stay in the room like an unwanted stepchild until someone finds the time to come and play with me?”

Brian sighed and shook his head. “No, things can be exactly how they were before. No one knew that I was in Gainesville. It was easier to go out unnoticed, but the photographers will be looking for things here. That’s all I’m saying.”

“And I suggest separate rooms. I don’t care what you do on your own time, but they’ll be looking to see who’s going in and out of our rooms and they’ll know for sure that you’re not his blonde-haired, blue-eyed wifey,” AJ broke in.

“You’re joking right?” Noelle asked, looking between them both. “We can’t even sleep in the same damn bed?”

“Noelle,” Brian replied softly. He reached over the seat and took her hand into his. “We can and we will. We just need to be careful about it. Truth be told, we were lucky in Europe that more information didn’t come out about us.”

“Get adjoining rooms. No one will be the wiser,” AJ suggested.

Brian nodded, agreeing.

Noelle shrugged in defeat. “Who’s going to pay for this extra room?”

Brian and AJ spoke as the same time, “I will.”

Brian glanced at AJ and then back at Noelle. “AJ and I will share the cost. It’s really for the best, Baby. You don’t have to sleep there.”

“I just—I don’t want to have to feel like we’re doing something dirty, or hiding something,” Noelle replied softly.

“As soon as the mess is behind us, I’m all yours and the whole world will know it,” Brian answered. He kissed her softly as AJ rolled his eyes, pretending to gag. Brian laughed.

I guess some brother-sister things don’t have an age limit, he thought to himself.

Noelle sighed again.

“Fine, you win. Separate rooms.” Noelle turned to AJ. “Any other rules daddy dearest?”

“Oh yeah,” AJ replied. “Get comfortable, because it’s a long ride to the hotel.”

Another day, another city, another meaningless charge for a separate hotel room for Noelle. Minutes earlier, Noelle watched as Brian walked into the hotel room that she would be sharing with him next door. With a smirk, she used the hotel-issued key card to let herself into “her” room and then, she waited. Within seconds, there was a light tapping at the door that joined the two rooms.

Noelle threw her bags down into a corner of the room and then walked over to the door where Brian was knocking. She unlatched the door and opened it slowly.

“This is really stupid,” she said with a smile as Brian entered.

Brian smiled and pulled Noelle into his arms. He kissed her softly and then dragged his bags into the bedroom portion of the suite. Noelle followed behind him with her bags in tow.

“It’s worked, hasn’t it?” Brian finally replied.

Noelle pretended to pout about the minor inconvenience at every hotel where they stopped, but Brian knew that she wasn’t really bothered much by it at all. Noelle simply hated that AJ was right, especially when AJ made it a point to explain how right he was whenever he was around.

“I still don’t really get it,” Noelle answered. “Didn’t you have to pretend not to have girlfriends for years? You didn’t manage to get caught back then.”

Brian took Noelle’s hand into his and sat down on the edge of the bed. He pulled her close until her knees buckled and she was sitting on his lap. “Are you really going to complain the entire time we’re on tour?”

Noelle smiled. “I’m not trying to be a pain.”

“I know,” Brian replied. “This is a different industry than it was when we were at the height of our careers. It was easier to hide the things that you wanted to keep private from your fans or the media or whoever. Now, there are cameras everywhere.”

“It’s really fine, Brian,” Noelle started slowly. “I don’t know why I’m making a big deal of something so silly.”

Brian took Noelle’s hand into his. He hated that he and Noelle had to be so much more careful and calculating with their relationship that he would have had to be under normal circumstances. He wanted her to understand that all of the measures he was taking to insure their privacy—separate hotel rooms, keeping physical and even emotional distance while in public—was all to keep her safe and happy. If she wanted the world to know about their relationship, he’d shout from the rooftops how much he loved her, but he didn’t think that she wanted that either.

“Listen, if you still think I’m trying to hide you. I’m not. We can go public with this relationship tomorrow if you want. All we’d have to do is—“

“No,” Noelle squeaked, terrified about the possibility of her relationship being gossip fodder for his fans and haters alike. She was fine without sharing her relationship with Brian with the whole world. She didn’t know why she got insecure about it all sometimes. “We decided to wait until your divorce is final and we should wait.”

“Okay,” Brian said with a sigh, reading the trepidation in her voice. “Then what’s the matter?”

“Nothing’s the matter,” she paused and then decided to be honest with him. “Kentucky is coming up.”

“Right,” Brian replied, dragging the word out. He hoped that she would continue without his urging.

“Well,” Noelle continued slowly. “You said that you’re really close with your mom and she probably loves Leighanne, right? And she probably doesn’t know that we’re dating and—I don’t know. I just wish that this relationship was the slightest bit normal.”

“My mom knows all about the divorce. She wasn’t happy about it at first,” Brian paused and took Noelle’s hand into his.

Silently, he went back to the first conversation that he’d had with this mom about his marriage ending. She hadn’t been happy that Brian was giving up, but as time passed Jackie had realized that maybe Brian knew what he was doing, especially after he started opening up about how Noelle made him feel.

Now that the divorce discussion with Leighanne was through, it was easier for Brian to open up to his mom about Noelle. Within the first few days of getting back on the tour, Brian had called his mother and broken all of the news.

Hey Mom. It’s official. I’m getting divorced. And by the way, I’ve met someone really amazing in the mean time.

Like everyone else, his mother originally thought that Noelle was a distraction from everything else that was going on in his life. She said that he needed to take his time and that the relationship would never work. It had taken his mom a little while to get used to the idea, but over the weeks that followed she had started to see a change in Brian and realized that he really was in love with someone else and it was making him into a happier human being. Suddenly, Brian’s mom was calling to make plans for when Brian would bring Noelle by when they were in Kentucky.

“I told her about you and --” Brian continued, but was cut off when Noelle started to speak.

“You told her about me?” she interrupted, surprised.

She knew that Brian spoke to his mother on a semi-regular basis. During the times that his mother had called when Noelle was around, she opted to stay quiet or leave the room to give him some privacy.

From the beginning, Noelle and Brian had conversations about the religious family that he’d grown up in. Personally, Noelle had a strong belief in God—especially strong considering her medical background and how doctors were more likely to believe in science rather than faith—but she didn’t grow up going to church every Sunday with her family. Brian had grown up singing in the choir and going to Sunday school.

Noelle knew that it couldn’t have been easy for his mother to accept that her son was committing such a big “sin” by getting divorced. And then for him to get into another relationship so quickly? Well, Noelle thought that might have been his mother’s breaking point. She wouldn’t have been surprised if Brian had wanted to wait to tell his mother about them until his divorce was finalized.

“Of course I told her about you,” Brian replied with a smirk. “You seriously think that I didn’t notice you booking it out of the room every time someone from my family called? Honestly, I’m kind of tired of trying to convince you of where you fit into my life. I figured that we’d just get to Kentucky and I’d show you.”

“You were seriously just going to spring your family on me?” Noelle questioned, laughingly. “I need to prepare!”

“You’re crazy,” Brian laughed along with her. “There’s no preparation needed when meeting my parents.”

“I’m nervous,” Noelle replied honestly. “It’s been a while since I’ve met the family and they didn’t want to chase me around with a butcher knife because I was sleeping with her husband.”

Brian couldn’t help but to crack up. He was glad that Noelle was finally able to poke fun at her situation with Rob—and with himself too, kind of. He hoped that he had a hand in her newfound attitude. At least, he hoped that the way that they felt about each other had a hand in it—real love versus the illusion of love and all that.

“Don’t be nervous. Mom is excited to meet you,” Brian replied as he leaned in and kissed her softly. Then, he tapped her leg lightly, urging her to get up. “We’ve got to get going. We’re supposed to meet everyone downstairs for dinner and rehearsal.”

Before getting up, Noelle leaned into Brian and kissed him passionately. “You know I love you?”

Brian smiled and pecked her lips again lightly.

“You promise?” he joked.

Noelle shrugged one shoulder and rolled her eyes playfully. “I guess.”

“I love you too,” Brian laughed and scooted her off of his lap so that they could both get changed and ready to go. 

***

“Brian!” Nick yelled happily when Brian and Noelle walked into the dining room, the last to arrive. “We were just talking about you!”

Brian smiled. He pulled out a chair for Noelle at the table and then sat down next to her. “Do I want to know?”

“Probably not,” Noelle laughed.

“Hush you,” Nick replied playfully.

Brian eyed Nick curiously. He didn’t think that he could have been at dinner long enough to have a buzz yet, but there was an empty glass of wine in front of him, so who knows?

“Okay,” Brian continued. “I’ll bite. Why were you talking about me?”

“We wanted to know what was taking you so long in your hotel room! But I think that we already know.” Nick shot a look at Noelle and wiggled his eyebrows. Noelle just rolled her eyes.

AJ decided to break in and save his sister from the embarrassment of a ‘Nick Assault’. It was like sexual assault, but with words. It was way less violent, but could still leave you feeling pretty dirty.

“That’s not what we were talking about,” AJ said. “Some of us don’t want to hear the first detail of your sex life and don’t automatically assume that every time you’re the last one in the room it’s because of that.”

“He always has to ruin my fun,” Nick said to himself. “No, we were wondering—“

“Not we,” Howie spoke. “You were wondering.”

“Fine,” Nick amended. “I was wondering if your mom was going to cook us a big country dinner when we get there this weekend.”

Brian laughed and shook his head slowly. In the past, his mother had wanted the Boys to have at least one home cooked meal while they were on the road. Every time the tour rolled through Kentucky, it would be like Thanksgiving. Back then, it didn’t matter if it was April, they made sure to be thankful. Those dinners were probably the closest thing to Thanksgiving dinner they were allowed.

“Not this time,” Brian answered. “I’ve got other plans for my Mama.”

“Foul!” Nick yelled. “Major, major foul!”

Noelle couldn’t help but to laugh. Nick was usually silly when they were eating dinner, but tonight he was in rare form. When Brian told him that there would be no Kentucky dinner, there was a genuine sadness in his eyes. It made Noelle a little sad to think that she could have been the reason for that.

“Brian,” Noelle spoke. “Why can’t they come? It’ll take the pressure of meeting the parents off of me.”

“Not really,” Brian answered. “It’ll just give you a meet-the-parents audience.”

“You can’t deny Nick dinner,” Noelle argued. “He was looking forward to it.”

“Yeah!” Nick agreed. “I should be able to come at least.”

“And Alex too, because he’s family,” Noelle said, then rushed to add Howie. “And of course Howie, because what’s the group without him?”

“Thanks for the afterthought, Noelle,” Howie laughed.

Noelle smiled at him. “You were not an afterthought. You just didn’t have the same connection Alex did.”

“Are you taking over my mama’s house, Elle?” Brian interrupted Noelle’s exchange with Howie with a grin. He loved how well she fit in with the guys. From the beginning, Leighanne’s relationship with the other Backstreet Boys had been tumultuous. Over the years, she’d become family, but no one would say that they were close.

“Oh,” Noelle stopped and thought for a second. She was completely derailing whatever night Brian and his mother had already planned. “You’re right. Sorry, Nick.”

“Booo!” Nick yelled. “I need another glass of wine!”

Brian rolled his eyes and laughed to himself, and then he turned his attention to AJ, who had decided to put in his two cents.

“I have to admit that Littrell family dinner sounds like a good time,” AJ added. “We haven’t been back to Kentucky for a while.”

Brian didn’t want to feel like he was disappointing them or reneging on an unspoken promise or plan. Brian’s mother had originally invited all of the Boys over for old time’s sake, but Brian had wanted a quiet dinner where his mother and Noelle could get to know each. However, if he was honest with himself, he’d admit that he missed the times when they all used to goof off at his parent’s house like they were old high school buddies and not international superstars.

“Fine,” Brian relented with a sigh. “I’ll talk to my mom and see what we can do.”

“All right!” Nick called, raising his glass to the roof. “That calls for another glass of wine, after all!”

Brian laughed at Nick and took comfort in how easy everything was with the other guys lately. He turned to Noelle and stole a kiss while no one was looking.

“You sure this is okay?” Brian whispered as he pulled away.

“It’s perfect,” Noelle replied. “It adds to the family atmosphere. Your mom and I can get to know each other without there being pure silence ringing in the background. It will take some of the attention off of me.”

“So, your motives for agreeing with Nick were strictly selfish?” Brian laughed.

“Mostly,” Noelle replied with a smile. She kissed his cheek and then squeezed his knee affectionately under the table. “No, you guys need this—family, normalcy, good food. If your mom is okay with it, it seems like it’ll be good for everyone. Unless you’re not okay with it?”

Brian shook his head and laced his fingers with hers. “No, I think it’ll be good too. You’re probably right. It’ll take off the pressure and truth be told, I kind of had them uninvited in the first place.”

“That was awesome of you,” Noelle laughed. She rested her head on his shoulder lightly. “I’ll admit I’m kind of excited now.”

“Good,” Brian replied, still smiling. With Noelle with him, it was hard not to smile. He kissed the top of her head and she sat back upright again.

Noelle picked up her wine glass and sipped the dark contents slowly. She was completely content in the joyful surroundings that enveloped her. Nick was talking about Jackie’s homemade pumpkin pie. AJ jumped in agreeing that the pie was good, but there was nothing like her homemade mashed potatoes. Howie argued that she made the best roast beef. Brian watched on beaming with pride at the love for his mother.

And for once in her life, Noelle felt that she was exactly where she was supposed to be.

A few days later, the Backstreet Boys tour finally rolled through Kentucky. It had been a while since Brian had actually been able to perform in his hometown. Naturally, he was excited for this stop. There were certain places in the States where the atmosphere was different—Orlando, Kentucky and LA—the Backstreet Boys home base where they originated, where two of them had grown up and where most of them now lived. It was understood that there would be plenty of people in the audience that Brian had grown up with, people who he loved and didn’t get to see quite as often as he would have liked.

To top it all off, his mother was finally going to meet the woman that he’d fallen in love with. With any luck, she would fall in love with Noelle too.

On the night of the big dinner, Noelle had slept fitfully. She was notably nervous about meeting Brian’s family. She felt like she had big shoes to fill even though Brian had told her that she didn’t need to try to fill anyone else’s shoes, she just needed to wear her own.

When Brian jumped out of bed in the morning and got into the shower, Noelle spread across both sides of the bed and quickly drifted off. She was wakened moments later when her cell phone rang on the bedside table. A lack of sleep kept Noelle from fully opening her eyes. She blindly grabbed at the phone, hitting the lamp and knocking over the room phone off of the hook.

She pressed the button to answer the call and mumbled, “Hello?”

There was a pause on the other end. Noelle sighed and repeated, “Hello?”

Finally, the sweet voice of an older woman replied, “Oh, you must be Noelle. I’m sorry, I was expecting my son. Is he available?”

Noelle’s eyes popped opened as she realized that it had been Brian’s phone that was ringing, not hers. Usually Brian kept his phone on the bedside table on the side of the bed that was closest to the door. In their new hotel room, there had only been one table.

Without thinking, Noelle ended the phone called. Then, she panicked. She couldn’t believe that she’d just hung up on Brian’s mother!

You stupid idiot, Noelle thought to herself as she jumped out of bed and rushed toward the bathroom where Brian was still showering. Not the first impression you wanted to make, Noelle.

She thought about calling Brian’s mom back herself, but decided to make Brian get out of the shower and smooth things over.

Noelle busted into the bathroom and flung the shower curtain back. Brian jumped right out of his skin and flew back against the tiled shower wall. It was incredible that he didn’t slip and break his leg.

“Noelle!” Brian yelled with a smirk on his face. “You scared the hell out of me! If you wanted to join me all you had to do was ask.”

“I don’t want to join you, horn dog,” Noelle replied in all seriousness. She held up the phone. “You need to call your mother… immediately.”

Brian narrowed his eyes at her, confused. “Why do I have to call my mom?”

“Because she called and I answered accidentally and I hung up on her,” Noelle explained. “Thank God it wasn’t Leighanne or something. That could have been just as bad.”

Noelle grabbed Brian’s dripping wet arm with one hand and a dry towel with the other. She thrust the towel toward Brian. “Call her!”

Under normal circumstances, Noelle would have been turned on by the gorgeous, wet man in front of her. Today, she knew that the Blackberry in her hand was going to be ringing at any second, which totally negated her hormones.

Brian climbed out of the shower with that smirk still on his face.  He ran the towel through his hair and then wrapped it around his waist. He took the phone from Noelle just as it started to ring again.

Brian laughed and answered, “Hi, Mom. I hear that you’ve met Noelle.”

“Let me speak to her!” Noelle whispered as she followed Brian out of the bathroom anxiously.

“No,” Brian continued speaking with his mother, still smiling. “It wasn’t a bad connection; you just caught her while she was still sleeping. She’s kind of clumsy like that.”

“Brian!” Noelle whispered again, this time grabbing at the phone. She knew that Brian was teasing her, and though she could partially see the humor, she didn’t really appreciate it. “Let me speak to her!”

“Hang on, Mom,” Brian laughed. “Noelle wants to speak to you.”

There was a playful twinkle in Brian’s eyes. If he wasn’t so darn cute, Noelle would have to hit him. Instead, when Brian held out the phone and puckered his lips for a kiss, Noelle obliged and then took the phone.

“Hi, Mrs. Littrell,” Noelle spoke when she brought the phone back up to her ear. “I’m sorry about hanging up on you. I’m a really big dope sometimes.”

On the other line, Jackie Littrell couldn’t help but to laugh. Noelle sounded like a sweet girl. She’d made Brian happy again, but understandably, meeting the new people in Brian’s life was nerve-wracking. Brian was in the middle of a possibly messy divorce and the way he spoke, Noelle sounded like she was becoming a barrel of nerves. Jackie wanted to be one of the people to make it easy on her. If Brian loved her like he said he did, Jackie was sure that she would love Noelle too.

“Don’t worry about it, Sweetheart,” Jackie finally replied. “I was just calling to make sure that everyone was still planning on stopping by this evening.”

“As far as I know, there have been no changes to that plan,” Noelle said with a slight chuckle. “Everyone’s really excited to see you again, and I’m really excited to meet you.”

“We’re all excited too,” Jackie replied. “I’m going to admit that it may be strange seeing Brian with someone else at first, but I promise you that it won’t stay that way.”

Noelle sighed softly and nodded to herself. She could appreciate Brian’s mother’s honesty about the situation. At least she wasn’t the only one that was feeling nervous.

“Well, maybe I could come by ahead of time?” Noelle was speaking before she could have a chance to swallow the words. “We have a rental car; Brian could drop me off early. We could get that whole awkward thing out of the way first. I could help you with dinner, even.”

“Well,” Jackie exclaimed happily. “That sounds like a great idea! Let me speak with Brian really quick and we’ll all work out the details of getting you over here.”

Noelle wordlessly handed Brian the phone. She didn’t miss the surprised look on his face or how that twinkle was still dancing in his eyes. A lopsided grin formed on Noelle’s face and she shrugged.

She wasn’t exactly sure what she was getting into, but she was overcome by the motherly voice on the other end of the line. She listened with half an ear as Brian told Jackie that he would drop Noelle off after lunch, and then he’d come back for dinner with the other guys.

One way or the other, this was going to be an interesting afternoon.

***

Brian glanced over at Noelle in the passenger seat, wringing her hands anxiously. She had changed her clothes three times and redid her makeup twice. Brian tried to tell her that she’d looked beautiful, but he realized that Noelle had to feel good before his words mattered. Once she was dressed, they hopped in the rental car and headed to Brian’s mom and dad’s house. Later, he, the other Backstreet Boys and Brian’s brother Harold would be joining them. The group would have been complete if only Kevin had been around, but he was in London doing a bit of theater work.

Brian reached over and took Noelle’s hand into his. “You okay?”

Noelle smiled softly and nodded. “I’m okay. I just really hope this goes well.”

“It’ll be fine,” Brian reassured for the umpteenth time. “Just be yourself and my mom will love you.”

“I know,” Noelle replied. “You keep saying that, but I’m going to be nervous until we walk through the door and things start running smoothly.”

Brian nodded, understanding that would be the case. Just then, he pulled down the long, hidden driveway toward his parent’s house. When Brian finally starting making money, one of the first things he did was buy his parent’s their dream house. It kept them protected from the fans that had started hounding them, and it kept them happy in their newly-found empty nest.

“Here we go,” Brian said as he parked the car. “You ready?”

“As ready as I’m going to be,” Noelle replied.

Brian brought her fingers up to his lips and kissed them softly. “Hang out for a bit, I’ll get the door.”

Noelle watched as Brian ran around the car and opened her door for her. It was one of the gentlemanly things about Brian to which she was becoming accustomed. If things between her and Brian ended up not working out, her next boyfriend had better watch out.

Noelle climbed out of the car and followed Brian down the long, circular driveway. She reached out and laced her fingers through his. Brian smiled at her and then leaned over to kiss her softly as they took the stairs up to the porch. Before they reached the top stair, the front door swung opened and Jackie greeted them with a big smile.

“Duckie!” she called to Brian, immediately using the nick name that she’d given him when he was young.

Brian let go of Noelle’s hand and wrapped his arms around his mom’s neck, squeezing her tightly. “It’s good to see you, Mom. It’s been too long.”

“It certainly has,” Jackie said as she pulled away.

Brian reached for Noelle and pulled her forward, smiling happily. “Mom, this is Noelle.”

Noelle extended her hand. “Hello, Mrs. Littrell. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Jackie took both of Noelle’s wrists into her hands and beamed up at her. “You are just gorgeous,” she said as she pulled Noelle in. “Enough with the Mrs. Littrell stuff. You can call me Jackie. Now, come on in.”

“I’ve actually got to get going, Mom,” Brian said as Noelle started to follow Jackie into the house. “I’ve got rehearsal and some meetings, but I’ll be back later.”

Brian leaned in and kissed his mom on the cheek. Then, he leaned in toward Noelle and pecked her on the lips quickly.

“You’re going already?” Noelle whispered.

“Duty calls,” Brian whispered back into Noelle’s ear, “she loves you already.”

With that, Brian turned and bounced back down the porch steps.

Noelle turned to Jackie. “It looks like it’s just you and me.”

Jackie smiled and wrapped her arm around Noelle reassuringly. “How about we go inside and get to know each other, Doll? Let that big lug worry about us for once.”

Noelle laughed softly and followed Jackie into the warmth of her Kentucky home. She was starting to feel better already.

Later that afternoon, Noelle watched as Jackie finally put the turkey into her large, double oven. She leaned over the sink and washed away the remnants of the dinner that she had helped Jackie to prepare. As she dried her now clean hands, Noelle inhaled deeply, taking in all of the scents of the big meal that Jackie was cooking for ‘her’ Boys. The food smelled so amazing that Noelle’s mouth was starting to water.

“They are all going to fall to their knees when they walk in,” Noelle said laughingly as she walked around the island counter and took a seat on one of the stools that were positioned there. “You’re a saint to do this for them.”

Jackie smiled and shook her head slowly. Noelle noticed that she had the same squinty eyes as Brian. They even wrinkled in the corners when she smiled like his did.

“I’m no saint,” Jackie replied humbly. “Those kids have been through a lot and I like to do my part to show that they’re loved. Alex has spent many a holiday here, you know.”

Noelle couldn’t help but to smile even though it was sad that her brother thought that he couldn’t spend the holidays with her and their father if Denise wasn’t going to be around.

“It’s funny to hear you call him Alex,” Noelle responded. “Even my dad has taken to calling him AJ.”

“I’ve always called him Alex,” Jackie said with a shrug. “Sometimes, I think he needs to be reminded of the boy he was before ‘AJ’.”

Noelle nodded slowly, agreeing. “Yeah, I never really knew AJ until recently. I’ve always known Alex. I like AJ, but I love Alex.”

Jackie smiled and walked around the counter to take a seat next to Noelle. “So, Brian says that you’re in medical school, taking a break right now?”

Noelle nodded slowly. She wasn’t about to regale Brian’s mother with the stories of her affair. It all felt like a different life. It was one thing for Brian and Alex to know, it was another to tell Brian’s mother. “Yeah, I was at the University of Florida, but I’m looking into other options at the moment.”

“What kind of doctor do you want to be?” Jackie continued, interestedly.

Noelle was different than the girls she had been used to Brian dating before he married Leighanne. Physically, she was younger than he was and had darker features than Brian usually preferred; mentally she was smart and had aspirations and goals other than simply being a trophy wife or famous for being with a celebrity. Jackie decided early on that she liked Noelle.

“I want to specialize in obstetrics and fertility,” Noelle answered. “I really want to do research. My goals started when I was young. My mom wanted another baby and it just wasn’t happening. This was the very beginning of when people were starting to use IVF and all of that. She tried everything and it was devastating for her. She never got her baby.

“Seeing how upset she was when I was a teenager was sad for me. You don’t want your parents to be upset. It’s really unsettling. I’m older now and realize that sometimes it’s not meant to be, but if there’s a chance I want to help make it happen. There’s more to OB than that too, of course. It’s about recognizing birth defects and reasons for miscarriages and finding ways to help birth more happy, healthy babies.”

“You should like you must want a gaggle of children,” Jackie followed-up, smiling. She always wanted grandchildren, but there had never been a right time with Brian and Leighanne, and Harry couldn’t get it together to stay committed for long enough.

Noelle blanched at the question. She did want kids, but she and Brian had only been together for six months. They had never even really spoken about the future.

“Someday,” Noelle finally responded. “I’d love to have kids.”

“So, what comes next?” Jackie continued. “For you and my son. You love each other?”

“Very much,” Noelle answered without hesitation. This conversation was taking the turn that she’d been waiting for all afternoon.

“So, after you’re out of the safety bubble of the tour,” Jackie probed. “What comes next?”

Noelle shook her head slowly. “I really don’t know, I guess. We haven’t really talked about it.”

Jackie reached out and grabbed the top of Noelle’s hand comfortingly. “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Sweetheart. Things are easy right now, or at least, they’re as easy as they can be. What happens next? When Brian has to finish his business in Atlanta and you have to figure out what you’re going to do with medical school?”

“I’ve thought a lot about it,” Noelle answered slowly. “But honestly, I don’t know. I just know that I don’t want to be in the middle of someone’s divorce.”

Noelle paused and thought over how she was going to say what she wanted to say. Jackie watched the wheels in Noelle’s head as they spun. She stayed silent, knowing that Noelle needed some time to think.

After a second, Noelle continued, “Look, if Brian and Leighanne are meant to be together, then by all means I want them to be together. I don’t want to stand in the way if they want to work things out, but at the same time, if things aren’t meant to be—which is what it’s looking like—then I’m proud to say that Brian chose me to spend his time with whether it’s for now or forever. I’m completely in love with your son and I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Jackie smiled at Noelle’s honesty. Jackie loved Leighanne. She had been a part of the family for many years, but now that Jackie saw the look on her son’s face when he introduced Noelle and heard the happiness that was back in his voice, she understood just how truly unhappy he had been and it broke her heart. Walking away from his marriage hadn’t been easy for Brian, it probably still wasn’t. Jackie was starting to realize that maybe Noelle was the light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel that Brian had living in. Brian was different with Noelle, and Jackie couldn’t help but to wonder—even if she was jumping the gun—if Noelle was the real ‘one’ for her son.

“Sweetheart,” Jackie started slowly, “if you continue to make Brian as happy as you’ve been making him, then I won’t want it any other way either.”

Noelle looked up and smiled. Embarrassingly, there were emotional tears brimming in her eyes. Brian brought out so much feeling out of her, that sometimes she couldn’t help the tears that flooded, even though they appeared for no apparent reason.

“Thank you,” Noelle whispered as she blinked away the water in her eyes with a laugh. “I’m such a baby.”

Jackie laughed and patted Noelle’s knee. “You’re not a baby. You’re in love. Now, come on. We need to finish this dinner before the stampede comes bursting through those doors.”

Noelle happily rose from her seat and helped Jackie finish making dinner for all of the loves of her life.

***

Later that night, Brian sat back in his chair at the dinner table and watched the scene unfold around him. Forks were still clinking against dinner plates as some of the guests finished their second or third helping of their favorite Mama Littrell treat. Everyone was smiling as they regaled his mother and each other with the happenings in their lives.

Brian’s brother, Harry, talked about some Star Wars spoof movie that he was acting in.

Nick talked about his new girlfriend, Lauren. Apparently, she was a keeper.

Howie and his wife, Leigh, talked about their baby, James’, first crawl through the tour bus.

AJ talked about the adventures of recording his new solo album. He had written a new song called ‘Sincerely Yours’ about his and Noelle’s father. Brian felt Noelle shift uncomfortably in the seat next to him and changed the subject to another one of AJ’s other songs, ‘London’. It was a song he was trying to get AJ to let the Backstreet Boys record. So far, it wasn’t happening and it was probably for the best.

Lazily, he slung an arm around the backside of Noelle’s chair. She looked over and smiled brightly. Brian wanted to kiss her so badly, but realized there was only so much that this group could take.

Instead, Brian nodded my head towards the kitchen, silently asking Noelle to join him. Noelle nodded, understanding the signal.

Just as Brian stood to make his exit, Harold decided to speak up, “So Noelle, you go to the University of Florida?”

Noelle nodded slowly and wiped at the corners of her mouth with her napkin. “Kind of, yeah.”

“So, do you know Tim Tebow?” Harry continued.

Brian could only shake his head, laughingly. Harry was a big college football fan. He was no fan of Tebow and he was about to let Noelle know that. Brian decided to take the time to leave the room anyway. Noelle would follow when she could. Brian squeezed her shoulder and walked toward the kitchen.

Noelle’s laugh trailed behind him as she answered, “No, I don’t know Tim Tebow. I’ve seen him around campus, but it’s not like I’ve ever spoken to him or anything.”

“I hate that guy,” Harry continued without a beat, shaking his head.

“How can you hate him?” Noelle answered. “He seems like a perfectly good guy. Just because your team can’t find a way to beat him, Kentucky.”

“You better be careful, Newbie,” Brian’s father broke into the conversation with a laugh. “Those are fighting words.”

“He can’t be so saintly. There has to be something wrong with the guy,” Harry continued to argue.

“Backstreet Boys fans say the same thing about your brother,” Nick chimed in.

“Exactly,” Noelle agreed. “Thank you, Nick.”

“Anytime,” Nick replied. He just wanted to fuel the argument. He didn’t care about college football one way or the other. He was a Bucs fan.

“Maybe we should just agree to disagree,” Harry replied with a laugh and a slight shake of the head. He didn’t want to get into all the ways his brother had been un-saintly when they were growing up, not with his mother and father in the room.

“Maybe so,” Noelle answered. “I guess we’ll see when they play in a couple of weeks, won’t we?”

“I guess we will,” Brian’s father piped in. He liked Noelle. She was a girl’s girl, but she was a guy’s girl too. It was weird seeing Brian with someone else after so many years, but it was quickly becoming easier.

As the conversation moved on, Noelle excused herself from the table and followed the same path that Brian had just taken toward the kitchen. She walked through the swinging kitchen door, but didn’t see him.

“Brian?” Noelle called out.

“I’m out here,” she heard Brian reply.

Noelle turned toward Brian’s voice and noticed that the back door was slightly opened. Brian was standing outside enjoying the country air. He smiled when he saw Noelle. Immediately, he reached out, pulled her into his arms and kissed her softly.

“Hey,” he said when he pulled away.

“Hey,” Noelle whispered back into the darkness.

“It looks like you and Mom hit it off today,” Brian said as she pulled Noelle over to the porch swing.

“I’m completely in love with your mom,” Noelle replied with a smile.

“Good,” Brian answered, “because I think that she’s completely in love with you too.”

“She brought up an interesting point though,” Noelle continued. She was nervous about broaching the subject with Brian, but realized that it needed to be spoken about.

“What’s that?” Brian asked, interestedly.

“She asked what comes next. After the tour, what happens?” Noelle sighed softly. “I mean, you have to get divorced. I’m going to be looking for medical schools. Where does that leave us?”

Brian thought for a minute. He hadn’t realized that this was something that he and Noelle had never spoken about. The tour was ending in December, but that was getting closer and closer.

“Well,” Brian started. “Where do you want to go to school?”

Noelle shrugged. “I don’t know. I was thinking another school in Florida. At this point, where ever I can get in. Where do you want to live when all is said and done?”

Brian sighed. He had been thinking a lot about that. He wanted to live where ever Noelle was going to be, but if she ended up in the middle of the country somewhere, that might be a little difficult with his schedule.

“I have a house in LA. I was thinking about living there. I could handle Florida though, if that’s where you’re going to school. I used to live in Florida. I could also handle Georgia, of course, if you end up there. New York. Tennessee,” Brian trailed off and looked down. He didn’t want Noelle to pick a medical school based on him, but he hoped that he was at least part of the equation. When he looked back up, Noelle was smiling.

“I could live in LA. Alex lives there. I could handle Georgia…” Noelle thought for a second, and then sighed playfully. “I could handle Tennessee or New York if I had to, but of course that goes back to that whole cold thing.”

Brian laughed and laced his fingers through Noelle’s. “So, we’re going to do this then? Move somewhere together. Live in the same house, even?”

Noelle laughed softly. “I guess we are.”

Brian smiled and kissed Noelle passionately. He was glad that they’d had this conversation and hadn’t made any assumptions that would further complicate things.

They were interrupted when Nick came bursting through the backdoor followed by AJ and Harry.

“Get your tongue out of Noelle’s mouth, B,” Nick yelled without any kind of filter. “Harry and AJ claim that they can whoop us in a game of basketball. We need to remind them who’s the boss around here.”

Brian glanced at Noelle somewhat pleadingly.

Noelle laughed softly. “What are you waiting for?”

With another peck, he jumped up and was already talking smack talk to their brothers as he jogged off behind them. Noelle shook her head.

Men, she thought to herself, one minute you’re talking about the future and the next they’re using ungentlemanly words to describe their best friends.

Noelle jumped when Jackie plopped down on the bench next to her. Harold Sr. and Howie were at the makeshift court playing referee for the bunch of potential cheaters and Leigh stayed inside to feed James.

Jackie wrapped her arm around Noelle’s shoulders. “You’re sure that you wouldn’t want it any other way?” Jackie quipped.

Noelle smiled and leaned her head against Jackie’s. “I’m absolutely positive.”

The next day, the Boys were back to work. They put on a fantastic show in Kentucky, said goodbye to Brian’s family after promising to visit during the holidays and then took off to the next city.

After leaving Kentucky, the tour took off into overdrive. Between rehearsals, performing and publicity—every day was completely full. Every night, Brian would get back to the hotel exhausted. On most nights, he was hardly able to undress before he fell asleep. Noelle had tried to keep up with both Brian and AJ backstage and behind the scenes, but things were so hectic that eventually she’d decided that it would be less trouble to just stay in.

It always felt so much lonelier to be alone in a group of people, didn’t it?

Weeks later, the tour finally stopped in New Jersey, where the Boys were set to perform a couple of shows. That night, Brian was supposed to get finished early. He had promised to get back to the hotel as soon as possible when the show ended, so Noelle planned a surprise.

While out shopping earlier that afternoon, she had walked past a lingerie store. Immediately, the idea sprang on her. Brian had yet to see everything that she had to offer him as far as the bedroom was concerned. After tonight, he’d have to be rushing back to be with her every night.

Not that their sex life was lacking. No, it was amazing. It had been from the beginning, but every girl needs to spice things up a bit sometimes, especially when she hasn’t been with her man in what feels like forever. Life gets in the way sometimes and you have to put everything back into perspective.

After making her first purchase, she decided to go to the drug store and buy some candles for a little mood lighting. At first, she’d gone overboard. Her arms were filled with red and white candles of every shape and size. Then, she thought about how completely humiliating it would be to set the smoke detectors off in the hotel and settled for only buying a couple to put on the bedside table.

She got back to the hotel that evening feeling antsy, excited and a little embarrassed. She tried to watch some TV, and she slowly ate the dinner that she ordered from room service, but when 9:30 rolled around, she jumped out of bed knowing that Brian would be back to the room sometime between 10:30 and 11. She showered and changed into the negligee that she had purchased. It was a black lace corset that left little to the imagination paired with frilly, lace panties of the same design. For good measure, she added thigh-high stockings with garter straps. She didn’t get what guys loved about them, but figured, ‘what the hell?’

When 11 o’clock rolled around, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and started to feel a little sick. The other guys that she’d dated loved this kind of stuff, but would Brian? He was one of the good ones. He was a church-going boy from Kentucky. Was she about to corrupt him? Would he laugh at her?

Quickly, she threw the hotel-issued robe on over her shoulders and started to blow out the candles around the room. Then, just as quickly, she changed her mind and started to light them again.

When 11:30 tolled, she was lying on the bed still contemplating her final decision and wondering where the hell Brian was. She assumed that a meet-and-greet had run long, so she settled in and waited.

And waited.

And then, she waited some more.

Sometime after 1 a.m., she drifted off to sleep.

***

Brian walked into the hotel room quietly. He knew that Noelle was going to be mad. He had promised her that he’d be back early, but he’d gotten caught up after the show. There are always a million things going on, but that night everything decided to malfunction and their manager had decided to call a late-night meeting. The good thing was that at least now he had the day off the next day.

The lights were off as he walked through the room, but there was a soft glow coming from the bedroom portion of the suite. Before walking in, he slipped his shoes and socks off of his feet and stepped inside, waiting to get the cold shoulder. When he entered, his mouth fell to the floor and he mentally kicked himself when the possibility of what he had missed out on was laid out right in front of him.

There Noelle was—beautiful, sweet Noelle—lying on the bed in the sexiest little outfit that his mind could have imagined.

Yeah, he’d always been a good boy, but even good boys like to have a naughty time.

The candles were still lit, but Noelle was sound asleep. Her dark hair was cascading over her face and her knees were pulled up slightly, close to her chest. When Brian got closer to be bed, he brushed a piece of her hair out of her eyes.

He saw the makeup smudged on her cheeks and wondered if she had been crying. The thought broke his heart. She had gone through so much trouble, and he hadn’t even been there to enjoy it with her.

He kissed the top of her head softly and her eyes fluttered opened. When she saw him she sighed and closed her eyes tightly again.

“I hate you,” she muttered as she felt around in the darkness for the blanket to cover her scantily clad body.

“I’m sorry, Baby,” Brian said softly.

He pulled his t-shirt off over his head and then climbed into the bed next to her and pulled the blanket up over them both. He wrapped him arms around her and pulled her close to him.

“Yeah, you’re sorry,” she joked. “Now that you know what you missed out on over here.”

Brian chuckled softly as he leaned in to kiss her soft lips. She turned her head.

“Uh-uh-uh,” she mumbled. “You missed out on all of the lovin’ sir. I was sleeping. Where were you anyway?”

Noelle yawned and finally opened her eyes.

“Working,” Brian replied with a sigh. “Everything decided that it wanted to break tonight and our meeting for tomorrow got rescheduled to tonight since everyone was there and whatever. The good thing is that now I have the day off tomorrow.”

Noelle nodded slowly. “That’s good. I miss you, Bud.”

Brian smiled and pulled her closer. “I miss you, too. Tomorrow, it’s just me and you. We’ll do something special, okay? I promise. No press. No fans. No singing.”

“What if I want you to sing?” she replied, laughing.

Brian rolled his eyes and shook his head, knowing that she never asked him to sing for her. “Then, I’ll sing.”

Noelle nodded again, liking the idea of having him all to herself the next day. When they’d been in Gainesville together, she’d been spoiled. She had him to herself all day every day. The fact that there was still the wife out there who refused to sign the divorce papers was just a nagging inconvenience even though Noelle knew it probably should have been way more than that.

“Okay,” she replied finally, “but I’m warning you. If you bail on me tomorrow, I’m sleeping in the empty room next door.”

Brian chuckled knowing that there was no way that he was going to let that happen.

“I love you, Noelle.”

“I love you, too, B.”

Noelle searched out Brian’s lips in the darkness and pressed her mouth to his.

“You know,” Brian said, smirking into her lips. “Our date tomorrow comes with stipulations.”

“Oh yeah?” Noelle replied, grinning along with him.

“Yeah,” Brian responded, pressing his lips against hers again for a short, sweet kiss. “You have to give me the lovin’ that I missed out on.”

Noelle laughed and pushed him away playfully. “No way. How am I supposed to know that you’ll hold up your end of the deal?”

“You’ll just have to trust me,” Brian answered as he grabbed Noelle around the waist and rolled her on top of him. “You don’t really think that I could sleep next to you all night while you’re wearing that, do you?”

“That was kind of the point.” She laughed as she moved her hand down toward the button of his pants. “I didn’t expect to be wearing this for that long.”

That was all that it took. With a grin, Brian reached around and pulled Noelle’s face toward his as he rolled them back over and took in everything that he had been missing for the last several days.

***

The next morning, Brian and Noelle slept in. They awoke around lunch time and quickly ate lunch. Apparently, Brian had planned a surprise for Noelle and they had to hurry so that they didn’t miss it. When they pulled up outside of an ice skating rink, Noelle turned to Brian with narrowed eyes.

“Brian,” she started softly. “Why are we here?”

Brian laughed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “You said you’d never been ice skating. Every person needs to try to ice skate at least once in their lives.”

“I’ve never seen snow either,” she replied. “Are you going to send me to Antarctica?”

Brian shook his head at her snarky attitude and climbed out of the car. He walked around to the opposite side of the vehicle and opened Noelle’s door. He took her hand to help her out of the SUV before turning to instruct the driver that they’d only be a couple of hours.

They walked around the back entrance of the skating rink and through the empty aisles. “Why isn’t anyone here?”

“They’re off season right now,” Brian replied. “I made a special request.”

Even though she was afraid of busting her ass and breaking her ankles, Noelle was touched by how much thought that he’d put into the day.

“When did you do all of this?” she asked when they stopped at the door to the skate rental.

“Yesterday,” Brian answered with a self-satisfied smirk. “Once I knew that we were going to have the day off today, I made a few calls.”

Brian handed her a pair of skates in her size and puckered his lips out playfully for a kiss. Noelle looked around quickly before obliging him. AJ’s threats of the press and media bullshit were always in her head and she hated him for it. They were obviously alone.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” she said as she sat on one of the wooden benches and pulled her skates on her feet.

Brian got up first and held his hands out to Noelle. Shakily, they made their way onto the ice. Brian stepped on first and held Noelle’s hand tightly. It didn’t end up helping. The minute that she stepped onto the slippery floor, she flew backwards and almost took Brian with her.

Brian couldn’t help it; once he saw that she was okay, he started cracking up laughing. Noelle, laughing along with Brian, laid back onto the ice and let her hair soak up the wetness beneath her.

“This is going to suck,” she said between chuckles. “And I have a feeling it’s going to hurt in the morning.”

“Come on,” Brian said, carefully extending his hand to her again. “Don’t be such a wuss. It’s fun once you get the hang of it.”

Noelle stood up carefully and held onto the side of the wall as she stomped across the ice.

“Don’t you know how to rollerblade?” Brian asked. “It’s the same principle. You’re just walking.”

“Quit yelling at me,” Noelle replied, pretending to be annoyed.

“I’m not yelling,” Brian laughed.

He reached out and took her hands into his. He started to glide backwards pulling her with him. After a little while, Noelle started to move her feet with him and when she was comfortable, Brian let go of her hands.

“See? It’s not that bad,” he continued all too soon.

Noelle tripped over a non-existent chip in the ice and went tumbling forward. Brian reached out his arms to catch her, but instead ending up breaking her fall. Brian groaned through his laughter and pulled his hands up to his face.

“So maybe this was a bad idea. You never said how completely clumsy and athletically challenged you are.”

Noelle smacked him playfully on his chest. “I’m going to find something that you can do and school you so bad. Do you surf?”

“You don’t surf,” Brian replied quickly.

“I could learn.”

“So could I.”

Noelle narrowed her eyes at him with a faux pout plastered to her face. “I hate you.”

“So you’ve said,” Brian chuckled and kissed her lightly. He wrapped his arms around her, not caring that the back of him was becoming soaked. “How about we just stay down here?” he whispered into Noelle’s lips.

She nodded as they laid there on the floor quietly kissing, completely oblivious to the fact that they weren’t quite as alone as they had once thought.

Later that week, the tour stopped again in New York City. On their first morning in the Big Apple, Brian and Noelle were awoken by someone pounding on their hotel room door. Brian rolled over with a groan and pulled Noelle closer against him, fully intending to ignore whoever was interrupting his sleep, but the pounding continued.

“Tell them to go away,” Brian muttered groggily into Noelle’s neck.

Noelle laughed huskily and buried her face into the pillow. She playfully pushed Brian away, not wanting him to let go of her but not wanting to get out of bed herself either.

“Go get it, Brian.”

Neither of them moved and the pounding finally stopped.

“Thank God,” Brian mumbled. Just as they settled back into each other’s arms and sleep began to take over, Noelle’s phone started to ring. She laughed and pulled the pillow over her head.

“See?” Brian said as he rolled onto his back and threw his arm over his eyes. “You should have gotten the door. I knew it was for you.”

Noelle took the pillow off of the top of her head and narrowed her eyes at him just as her phone finished ringing. “Right.”

Just as quickly as Noelle’s phone settled on the bedside table, Brian’s started to vibrate. Brian groaned, though suddenly he was wondering if there was some kind of emergency. He grabbed his phone and saw AJ’s name flashing at him.

He touched the green button on the phone to accept the call. “What. Do. You. Want?”

“I don’t care what the fuck I’m interrupting over there. Answering the fucking door,” AJ yelled into the phone.

Brian pulled the phone away from his ear and narrowed his eyes at the voice that was coming from the other end. Then, someone was pounding again.

Brian threw the covers off of his body glad that he and Noelle had both stayed dressed before bed the night before. He threw the door opened and let AJ in.

“The only thing that you interrupted was sleep, pervert. What the hell is your problem?”

Noelle sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as AJ threw down a pile of magazines next to her without a word.

“What is this?” she muttered, still groggy from having been awoken from her peaceful sleep.

“So much for being careful, huh?” AJ stepped back and looked between both Brian and Noelle. “Are you two stupid? You went out in public and practically fucked on the ice at some skating rink? Are you serious?”

Brian narrowed his eyes at AJ again and was back at the bed in two seconds. He picked up the magazines--Star, People, and US Weekly-- they all had pictures of him and Noelle from their date the week earlier. Suddenly, he was being called an adulterer and Noelle was a slut.

Noelle’s face paled as she flipped through the pages. Somehow the reporters knew everything about her. While some of the things being said were blatant lies, other things that were written were right on. Both Star and People had written about her affair with her married professor. Tears sprang to her eyes.

“How did this happen?” she whispered.

“How did this happen?” AJ repeated Noelle’s question loudly. “Are you kidding me? The public isn’t safe, Noelle. Period. Maybe you don’t get that, but he should.” AJ pointed disgustedly at Brian, unable to use his name.

“I’m not stupid, AJ,” Brian yelled, though the tension inside of him was building as well. “The rink is out of season. We were the only ones that were supposed to be able to get in. I didn’t think that we had anything to worry about. Pictures of us don’t sell for as much as they used to.”

“You always have something to worry about, Brian!” AJ exclaimed after releasing an ironic laugh. “Especially when you’re married and dating my little sister.”

“You need to go, Alex,” Noelle said, still speaking softly out of complete and utter shock.

“What?” AJ exclaimed. “You want me to go? Since you’ve been here, I haven’t done anything other than protect you—”

Noelle held her hand up, cutting AJ off. “Alex, I appreciate that, but right now this is between me and Brian, okay? I need to talk to Brian alone and you have to go. You can yell at me later.”

AJ shook his head and turned to leave without saying another word.

Noelle jumped up out of the bed and started pacing. She was going to kick Brian’s ass if she didn’t get rid of some of her nervous energy.

Brian stood back, leaning against the wall. He wanted for Noelle to say something, but when she didn’t, he spoke, “Noelle, I’m sorry. I really didn’t think—”

“That’s the problem, Brian,” Noelle exclaimed. “You didn’t think.”

Brian clenched his jaw and shook his head. “You know what? You and AJ are going to be the death of me! I’m not the only one with a brain here. Sure, I’m the celebrity; I should think about these things, but do you know that at the height of my career we didn’t have to deal with paparazzi hiding in corners? There was a trust factor that we don’t have anymore and I’m sorry, but you weren’t really thinking about someone snapping pictures either. Just like you—I thought that we were alone.”

“I don’t deal with people snapping my picture when I’m walking around the street, Brian,” Noelle yelled back. “When I’m not in Backstreet land of course I don’t think about paparazzi, because it’s not a part of my life. You get to go out and still be a celebrity and still make music and still have quadrillions of dollars at your disposal, but me? I’m trying to rebuild a reputation here, and now I’m just the whore in the spotlight again, except this time it’s in a much bigger way.”

Brian shook his head in short, quick motions, as he took the few steps closer to her. “To be completely honest with you, I don’t see how an article in Star about your personal life is going to have any bearing on your ability to be a doctor or why it should have anything to do with your ability to get into medical school. Maybe you’re just—I don’t know—not meant to be a doctor.”

Without hesitation, Noelle reached up and punched Brian in his shoulder. Tears started to pour down her face. She pushed past him toward the closet. “That was low Brian.”

Brian closed his eyes as Noelle started to pull clothing out of the closet. He felt like a total jerk. He was trying to make a point about fate, but it came out completely wrong. Admittedly, it was wrong. He sighed and walked back over to where Noelle was throwing all of her things into a suitcase. He grabbed the back of Noelle’s arms gently and tried to pull her away from the closet, but she pulled away from him.

“Noelle, come on. I didn’t mean it like that.”

She turned on him with a glare in her eyes. “Then what did you mean?”

“I don’t know what I meant,” Brian replied honestly, shaking his head. “I wasn’t saying that you wouldn’t make a good doctor, because I know that you would. I just meant that everything happens for a reason, I guess.”

“Well,” she asked as she wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands. “What’s the reason? Why are things so hard for us? Does that mean that we aren’t meant to be together? That’s using your own reasoning.”

Brian pulled her close to him. His heart was breaking in his chest. He wasn’t going to go out like this. He wasn’t going to lose her.

“No. My reasoning is shit,” he said softly as he kissed the side of her head.

“What about Leighanne, Brian? And your mother,” Noelle sniffed sadly. “What are they going to think? I don’t know how I can handle it again. The scrutiny is going to be so much higher now.”

“Listen to me, Noelle.” Brian wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs and then wrapped his arms back around her waist. “As far as my mom goes, she loves you to death. You’ve spoken to her in the last couple of weeks more than I have and this isn’t going to change that.

And Leighanne and I are getting divorced. I’ve told that to Leighanne. I’ve made it clear, whether she wants to accept it or not. I don’t care what media outlet wants to ask the question first, but I’ll tell them all that my marriage is over. I don’t care who knows. If those reporters did half of the research that they should have, they would have seen that I’m already legally separated and the divorce papers are making their way through the court system as we speak. We’ll release a statement, okay?”

“Really?” Noelle asked as she pulled back to look into his eyes. “You’re really ready to go public with all of this?”

Brian shrugged like it was no big deal and nodded. “Yes. My thing was Leighanne. I wanted to wait until she knew and I hoped that we could have a quick, quiet divorce and then you and I could come out slowly. I wanted to protect you from the media scrutiny, but since it’s out, I have no problem coming clean about it. My biggest sin is falling out of love with my wife. That’s it.”

“I don’t know, maybe we should just not say anything. Maybe it’ll just go away,” Noelle said, though her voice was laced with hesitance.

“It’s not going to go away and it’s only going to get worse unless we say something, okay?” He kissed her softly and leaned his forehead into hers. “Don’t freak out on me, Noelle. I’m going to take care of you.”

Noelle tightened her grip around Brian’s waist and rested her head against the crook of his neck. “I trust you.”

***

As Leighanne sat at her kitchen table, all of the magazines from that week were spread out in front of her. It wasn’t the main headline, but Brian and his little girl-toy were on the cover of every magazine amongst frivolous headlines linking Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart and bitter feuds between Angelina and Jen.

The pictures were real. Leighanne couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that these rags could possibly put the end of her life as she knew it alongside the celebrity gossip fodder. Tears fell from her red-rimmed eyes. Brian had left her there just a few short weeks earlier. She had seen that he wasn’t sure about their divorce. She had seen that he still wanted to be with her, but there he was putting another women on display. He was in New Jersey and the girl that he had been with in the airport when he had arrived back to Atlanta weeks earlier was there with him. Leighanne had been able to convince herself that whoever the girl had been was just a passing moment—a girl that he’d met on the road and nothing else, but now she knew.

Brian was dating Noelle McLean. She was AJ McLean’s sister.

Leighanne knew that her and Brian’s marriage wasn’t perfect. They were separated and it was easy for Brian to move on when there was a 20-something-year-old slut being thrust at him from all directions. Noelle was beautiful, but Leighanne had something that she didn’t. She had Brian’s past. She had Brian’s future. Leighanne knew that this wasn’t right. She knew that Brian was making a mistake and she knew that someday, Brian would realize that he was making a mistake, too.

She wasn’t going to let this go this easily. It was easy for Brian to choose someone else when Leighanne wasn’t there. It was easy to forget what you have when someone else is showing you all of the things that you think that you’re missing.

Right then, Leighanne made a decision. She wasn’t going down without a fight. With a few phone calls, she found out exactly where the Boys were going to be the next day and what hotel they were going to be staying at. Finding Brian was easy, getting to Brian was easy, and Leighanne knew that once she was there, getting rid of Brian’s girlfriend was going to be easy too.

Leighanne arrived to the hotel where Brian and the rest of the Backstreet Boys were staying relatively early in the afternoon. She didn’t know what their schedule was going to be like that day, but it didn’t matter. She wasn’t planning on confronting Brian right away; she had another woman to deal with first.

She went to the hotel desk and claimed the key that she had called ahead and requested. Security for the Backstreet Boys wasn’t quite as high as it used to be, and she knew all of Brian’s secrets anyway. She had his credit card information and doubted that anyone would question her being there, especially after the news of Brian’s affair had broken.

Leighanne slowly made her way up to Brian’s room and let herself in. She was praying with everything inside of her that she wouldn’t walk in on anything inappropriate. To her immense pleasure, the room was empty. She walked through the suite into the bedroom portion and winced at the twisted pile of blankets and sheets. A shot of electricity ran through her. She couldn’t remember the last time she and Brian had left the bed looking like that.

Again, she found that she was mentally chastising herself for letting everything that a marriage was supposed to be fall through the cracks. She wasn’t a wife to Brian. All that she ever did was yell at him for not being enough. Of course he wasn’t happy. How would anyone be happy with what their marriage had become?

Leighanne was determined though. She was going to make it better. He’d be leaving the tour with her when it ended.

Leighanne slipped her shoes off of her feet and called for housekeeping to come and service the room while she showered and changed. When she was finished in the bathroom, the maid had already come and gone. She’d left fresh towels on the bed so that she didn’t disturb Leighanne. Luckily, there had been a clean towel left on the towel rack for Leighanne to use.

Leighanne changed into a comfortable, but sexy, light-weight dress and walked over to where she’d left her suitcase. She pulled it up onto the bed and began to pull out the clothes that she’d brought with her. She opened the dresser and saw that another woman’s clothes were lined in the drawers where Leighanne had always put her clothing.

That was a whole other level to this affair that Leighanne hadn’t thought of. Brian had replaced her in every possible way. The funniest thing about it was that it seemed like he didn’t replace her at all, he just stuck someone else in her place. Brian had taken all of their routines and put another face into the picture. It made Leighanne sick.

Without thinking, she reached into the drawers and pulled all of the other woman’s clothes out and threw them off to the side.

All of the whore’s shanky little panties and negligees were splashed around the floor in a colorful array. Next, out came her tiny little t-shirts and skinny jeans. Before Leighanne realized what was happening, tears were pouring down her cheeks. She had convinced herself that she wasn’t going to let Brian’s little whore affect her like this. She was going to stand up to her and tell her to get the hell away from her husband. Leighanne didn’t know much, but she did know that she was going win this war.

By the time that Leighanne unpacked her suitcase, it was early afternoon. Since Brian hadn’t been back yet, she assumed that the Boys were rehearsing. She knew something about tour schedules and if she was right, they would be breaking and coming back to the hotel soon and Leighanne couldn’t wait.

***

Noelle walked into the hotel through the back entrance and rode the service elevator up to her and Brian’s room. Since the pictures had come out the day before, walking around in public hadn’t been fun. She hadn’t even wanted to go to the venue with Brian because she knew what people were going to say, but Brian had insisted. He said that he would tell anyone that said anything to her that they were wrong. He was going to tell everyone the truth.

AJ wasn’t speaking to either one of them, which Noelle thought was stupid. Brian was in the process of a divorce. It wasn’t his fault that the media takes what they want to believe and twists it around to make someone the bad guy.

During the question and answer session at the rehearsal that afternoon, some brave fan asked Brian about the pictures in the tabloids. Their manager, Jen, had tried to divert the attention and take another question, but Brian wanted to answer. He looked dead into the faces of the audience members staring back at him and he broke the news. He said he was in the process of getting divorced and not everything is as it appears to be. He apologized to his fans saying that he really, truly believed that marriage should be forever, but he also believed that God wants people to be happy and learn from their mistakes. He told them that he’d met someone amazing and that he was truly in love again and beyond that he hoped for their respect and the privacy that he needed during a difficult time. And it was left at that.

When the Boys came backstage to where she was waiting, Noelle wrapped her arms around him and planted her lips firmly on his.

“I love you,” she had said. “So much. Thank you for that. I needed it.”

Brian grinned his thousand watt smile and kissed her again. “I know that you did. I told you that I would make things better and I am. I love you, too.”

While the Boys finished getting ready for their show that night, Noelle headed back to the hotel where Brian was going to meet her for dinner that evening.

When she got to the door of her room, she stuck her key into the slot and let herself in. She stopped in the hallway when she heard the television softly playing from the next room. She didn’t remember leaving the television on that morning. In fact, she didn’t remember turning the television on.

Slowly, she made her way into the bedroom. From the hallway, she could see all of her clothes strewn about the floor. Stupidly thinking that she could protect herself if there was a burglar in the room, she pulled out the bottle of mace that she kept in her purse.

The mace container and blue and orange. She would always be a Gator at heart.

When she got into the bedroom, her heart sank. The mace fell from her fingers and bounced with a thud on the floor. Her mouth fell opened in surprise. Brian’s wife was in the room, sitting on their bed and she was even more beautiful in person.

Leighanne shot Noelle a sickeningly sweet smile as she slid off of the bed and walked toward her. “I think that you can imagine what my being here means for you.”

Noelle clenched her jaw and shook her head. Suddenly, she was pissed off because the truth was that she had no idea what Leighanne’s being there meant for her at all.

“No,” Noelle replied seethingly. “Not really.”

“Get your shit,” Leighanne spat from between her teeth. She was a little ashamed because she never spoke like that, but seeing this woman in front of her was really bringing the devil out in her. “And get out of my husband’s life.”

“I don’t really think that’s your decision,” Noelle replied, standing up to Leighanne. “He gave you the divorce papers. It’s time to move on.”

Leighanne laughed and shook her head slowly. “Are you really as dumb as you look? Until we both sign the papers they’re meaningless and there are no more papers to sign. Brian has them. I gave them back to him, and he still hasn’t mailed them back or had them officially filed.”

“He doesn’t have the papers,” Noelle said softly in disbelief. “I would know if he had the papers.”

Leighanne walked over to the closet where Brian’s suitcase was housed and unzipped the side pocket. She pulled out a manila folder that held the divorce papers that she had refused to sign and threw them at Noelle. “You can take them with you when you go. I assure you. Brian and I are not going to need them.”

Once again, Noelle’s mouth was hanging opened. All this time, Brian had the divorce papers with him and she hadn’t known? She was a stupid, fucking idiot. She found her head shaking and suddenly she was speaking without thinking.

“No. No. He told the crowd today during the sound check. You’re getting divorced.” Noelle looked back up at Leighanne, suddenly feeling sorry for the both of them. “Brian loves me and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Brian thinks that he loves you!” Leighanne yelled. “Brian promised himself to me until death do us part and God help me we’re both still living; so unless I drop dead here in this room, I’m staying married. You can try to play whatever little games that you want, but once we’re both in front of him, he’ll have no problem choosing.”

This time, Noelle smiled. She was getting sick of Leighanne’s possessiveness over Brian. She had tried to understand. Leighanne hadn’t seen this coming. She had firmly believed that Brian would never leave her, but now, there was no denying it. Brian was already out the door.

“Honey,” Noelle spoke softly, patronizingly. “Brian had us both right in front of him already and he’s chosen. It’s over. He doesn’t love you anymore.”

Leighanne could swear that she saw fire behind her eyes. Her skin began to boil and before she could stop herself, she raised her hand and slapped Noelle across the face.

When she looked up, Brian was standing in the doorway.

Brian stood in the doorway stunned. He couldn’t believe the sight that was in front of his eyes. Leighanne and Noelle were both there. They were yelling at each other and then Leighanne slapped Noelle across her face. When Leighanne had looked up, he was standing in the doorway. His mouth was hanging opened.

Noelle brought her hand to her cheek as soon as Leighanne’s hand fell. She was shocked and to her utter embarrassment, tears began to slide down her cheeks. At that moment she decided that all of this wasn’t worth it. She had never fought over a guy before and right then, she was getting out of the business of fighting some guy’s wife no matter how much she loved him.

It happened in an instant. Brian’s voice came from behind her in a tone that she’d never heard him use. There was so much anger in his voice that it scared Noelle.

“What the fuck was that?” Brian screamed as he walked the few steps forward, closing the gap between him and Noelle.

Ignoring Leighanne’s presence for the time being, Brian turned Noelle around to face him and lifted his hand to her cheek. He stoked the red mark that Leighanne left on her face gently with his thumb.

“Are you okay?” he whispered, calming his anger enough to talk to Noelle.

Noelle winced and backed away from him. She shook her head and turned toward the door. “I’m getting out of here.”

“Noelle, you don’t need to leave—” Brian started, but Noelle cut him off.

“No,” she whispered angrily. “You need to handle this.”

Brian grabbed Noelle’s arm and pulled her back.

“No. You need to hear this. You can’t keep running away from me when things get tough.” Brian turned back toward Leighanne who had cowered inside of herself.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Brian asked. He could feel the intense anger that he had felt moments before welling inside of him.

“I’m here because I saw the pictures,” Leighanne yelled back. “I’m here because I’m not giving up. I told you that I’m not giving up. I’m going to fight for our marriage.”

“What marriage, Leighanne?” Brain screamed. “I told you that this is over. I can’t keep being the nice guy. I can’t keep pretending like we’re ever going to be happy, because we’re not! It’s over.”

“It’s easy for you to say that now when you’ve got this little bitch standing next to you,” Leighanne yelled. The tears began to stream down her face, but Brian wasn’t going to buy it this time.

It was Noelle who spoke next.

“Fuck this,” she yelled. “I’m supposed to stand here and be called a bitch and a whore while you two work your shit out? No. Call me when all of this shit is settled Brian.”

Noelle pulled out of Brian’s grasp and stormed off toward the door. Brian suddenly felt like his lungs were collapsing. He didn’t know how to handle this situation. He didn’t know what to do, so he followed Noelle to the door, leaving Leighanne behind.

“Stop, Noelle!” Brian yelled, grabbing her arm once again. “Just stop. I love you. You know that I love you. You heard what I said today, okay? It’s you. It’s only you. Period.”

“Then why do you still have the papers, Brian?” Noelle narrowed her eyes at him willing herself not to cry. “If it’s only me that you want. Why didn’t you give her back the papers?”

“What are you talking about?” Brian spat. “I did give her the papers.”

Noelle nodded slowly and laughed to herself humorlessly. She walked back into the bedroom portion of the room, not bothering to even glance at Leighanne who was sitting on the bed sobbing. Noelle picked up the manila folder that Leighanne had given her and stormed back into the living area of the suite where Brian was waiting. She slammed the folder into his chest and then pushed past him before he could catch her again.

Brian watched as the door slammed. The thud echoed off of the dense walls in the room. Brian opened the folder, confused. These were the papers that he had given Leighanne, but he didn’t know how Noelle had gotten them. Leighanne must have given them to her, right? Why would she think that he was still in possession of them?

Instead of chasing after Noelle, Brian turned and went back to where Leighanne was sitting.

“Did you give these to Noelle? Did you bring them with you?”

Leighanne sighed. She wondered if she should tell Brian the truth or if she should lie and just tell Brian that she’d told Noelle that she had refused to sign them. She opted for the truth.

“I got them out of your suitcase.”

“What were they doing in my suitcase?” Brian seethed between clenched teeth.

“I put them there,” Leighanne muttered. “Listen, Brian. When you left, things were so unresolved. We haven’t done anything to try to work on our marriage. We haven’t gone to counseling. We haven’t even tried. We need to try. You can’t leave me.”

“I’m already gone, Leighanne!” Brian screamed. “I’m gone and I’m not coming back. This is over. You and me—we’re done. There’s nothing to work on. You work on a marriage when you still feel connected to the person, but to be completely, bluntly honest with you, there’s nothing left here. I care about you. I’ll always care about you, but that’s all it is. Period.”

Leighanne shook her head, not willing to believe him, not yet. “That’s not true. You’re going to regret saying that. It’s just—it’s not true.”

Brian was running out of options. He didn’t know how else to get it through her skull that he was really leaving her.

“You need to come with me,” he finally whispered before turning and walking out of the room. When he got to the entrance of the hotel room, he waited for Leighanne to follow him.

“Where are we going?” she asked; her voice was gravelly through her tears.

“Just come with me.”

Brian stormed out of the room and down the hallway. He pounded on a hotel room door a few down from his own until AJ finally answered.

“You are not bringing this shit down here, are you?” AJ asked, shaking his head. “Really, Brian?”

“Get Noelle out here, AJ,” Brian responded though his teeth. He was done playing nice. He was done trying to make everyone happy.

“She’s not here,” AJ responded, leaning against the doorframe of his room.

“You’re a fucking liar. Noelle!” he called into the room. “Noelle come out here, please!”

AJ shook his head, slowly. “I told you she’s not here.”

“Then where is she?” Brian demanded.

AJ shrugged his shoulders and started to speak, but then, Noelle appeared at the doorway. “What do you want, Brian?”

“Really?” Brian said, looking pointedly at AJ. “She’s not here. We’re playing that game.”

“I told him to tell you that. What do you want?” Noelle replied. When she stepped out into the hallway and saw Leighanne standing behind Brian she groaned. “Are you fucking kidding me right now, Brian? Are we really going to do this?”

“Yes,” Brian screamed out in frustration. “We’re really going to do this. Right here. Like this. Because I think that you all need to hear what I’m about to say.”

He looked pointedly at AJ, then Noelle and finally Leighanne. When none of them replied, Brian started again.

“I’m only going to make this speech one more time, so God damn it, I hope that you all get it. Leighanne, you and I are finished. I gave you those papers and I expect you to either sign them or get an attorney and get your own conditions drawn up, because here’s the thing…” Brian stopped and took Noelle’s hand into his. “I am 100 percent, irrevocably in love with this woman. Do you understand that? You and I both fell out of love a long time ago. We don’t get along. We don’t have anything in common and it’s over. Do you understand that now?”

Leighanne started to shake her head, but instead, tears were rolling down her cheeks. Finally, she was realizing that maybe she couldn’t change Brian’s mind after all.

“And Noelle,” Brian replied, turning to the dark-haired woman in front of him. “You need to listen to me too, because here it is. You need to stop being so insecure about you and me and about how I feel about you because, God help me, I am so in love with you. When you walked out that door it was hard for me to breath. This is not going to be easy, I know. It’s going to be really, really hard, but I need you to work with me and quit running away because of a past that refuses to let go. We’ve laid out plans. I introduced you to my mother for God’s sake. From the moment that I laid my eyes on you I was hooked and--” Brian stopped and turned back to Leighanne. “I’m sorry, Leighanne, after that. There was no turning back.”

Without caring who was standing there in that hallway, Noelle reached up and wrapped her arms around Brian’s neck. She wanted to kiss him, but despite the fact that Brian’s soon-to-be-ex-wife slapped her, she didn’t want to turn the knife.

As Leighanne leaned against the wall sobbing, AJ cleared his throat.

“Look, we need to get out here. We’re going to be late for the show and pretty soon, we’re going to be causing a scene. Come on, Noelle.” AJ grabbed his sister’s arm and pulled her with him. “Let’s give them another second.”

Once they were out of sight, Leighanne started to breathe a little bit lighter. “Everything that you said to her,” Leighanne gasped through her tears. “You used to feel that way about me. What changed? Why isn’t it like that? Why don’t you love me?”

Brian closed his eyes and sighed.

“Everything changed, Leigh,” he whispered. “Sometimes, it’s just not meant to be. We had some good times, but it hasn’t been good for a long time and you know it. I’m sorry, but I fell in love with someone else and when you finally let go, you will be able to do that, too.”

“But she’s tainting everything, Brian,” Leighanne sobbed. “You can’t decide to leave me because you’ve met someone else.”

“Leighanne,” Brian replied boldly. “You are I separated weeks before I met Noelle. I didn’t make this decision lightly. I tried to talk myself out of it, but like I’ve said, there’s no turning back. I’m sorry.”

Brian took a step backwards down the hall. He hated to leave her there crying, but he suddenly realized that the only way that she would understand was if he just walked away. She would misinterpret every hug goodbye as a sign that he still cared.

“Goodbye, Leighanne.”

Leighanne watched as Brian disappeared around the corner. When the hallway was empty, she melted as she finally realized that Brian was gone. She had really lost him forever and she didn’t know how she could possibly live without him.

When Brian arrived to the venue, he had to go straight to hair, makeup and wardrobe and then to the stage to perform. He hadn’t had the opportunity to talk to Noelle privately about what had happened with Leighanne. In fact, everything had been such a whirlwind when he’d arrived, he didn’t remember seeing Noelle at all.

Ever the professional, Brian went through the motions for the show. He sang his parts in the songs and he hammed it up for the crowd, but he couldn’t get his mind past everything that had happened earlier in the day. He couldn’t stop thinking about Leighanne showing up, begging him to love her. He couldn’t stop thinking about seeing his once calm, gentle wife slapping Noelle across the face. He couldn’t stop thinking about Noelle’s stone-cold expression when she had walked out of the room and left him there with Leighanne.

He’d said over and over again that he didn’t want to hurt Leighanne, but today he watched as he completely destroyed her. Brian knew that Leighanne still loved him with all of her heart, but he also knew that if she let herself let go, she would realize that they weren’t meant to be together.

Noelle on the other hand, just kept walking away. She was so quick to run away from him. Today, Brian wouldn’t let that happen. He wasn’t going to let her close him off, not this time. Part of him wondered if there was going to come a point in time when she would stop running.

During their first costume change, Brian darted off of the stage. He quickly changed his clothing and rushed back out of the dressing room while the band played their interlude. He only had a couple of minutes, but he wanted to find Noelle. He wanted to know that she was there, waiting for him, still all in. He looked all over, but Noelle was no where to be found. He only had seconds to spare. He ran back toward the stage empty handed and turned to AJ.

“Dude,” Brian started, slightly out of breath from his series of sprints down the venue hallways. “Where is your sister?”

“She went back to the hotel when the show started,” AJ answered, simply. He was in his performance frame of mind. He didn’t want to be pulled into Brian and Noelle’s drama—not ever—but certainly not now.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me that?” Brian yelled in frustration. He pulled his arm back and punched AJ in the shoulder. “I’ve been running all over this place looking for her!”

AJ looked at his shoulder and then looked back up at Brian. There was an expression of amused shock playing about his face.

“Did you just punch me?”

Brian clapped his hands to either side of his face and laughed.

“Yes, I did!” He dropped his hands and smiled when AJ started to laugh with him. “Today has been a weird day.”

AJ nodded slowly and sighed. “Yeah, it definitely has. Noelle was okay. She knew that you were busy when you got here. She wasn’t mad or anything. She said something about having a shitload of clothes to pick up off of the floor. I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to know what that meant.”

Brian rolled his eyes and laughed again. “Leighanne threw all of Noelle’s clothes all over the floor, perv. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

AJ tilted his head to the side and lifted his eyebrows. There were a million things that he could have said about knowing that there were other reasons that Noelle’s clothes were on the floor, but then he remembered that Brian was dating his sister and that was weird.

As they took their places in line with Howie and Nick to make their appearance back on stage, AJ replied, “I guess she needs to do more than pick up her clothes, then. She needs to make sure that they haven’t been thrown out the window or burned with a cigarette lighter.”

“You’re not kiddin’,” Brian mumbled as they made their way to the stage and finished the show. Once again, Brian went through the motions and the crowd was none-the-wiser to his behind-the-scenes drama.

After the show, Brian met with some fans that were waiting for pictures and autographs. He did his duty and canoodled with whatever important persons decided to come and say hello, but as soon as he was free, he was out the door and headed back to the hotel. He was tired and his body was sore, but he didn’t care. Something didn’t seem right. He didn’t really know what it was, but everything around him just seemed off somehow.

He burst into his hotel room eagerly. He made his way through the empty hallway and sitting room and into the bedroom portion of the suite. Noelle was sitting up in bed leaning against the headboard with her feet tucked underneath her. She was dressed for the night in a tank-top and a pair of short girl-boxers. The television was playing some reality dating show. When Brian entered, Noelle turned to him and smiled.

“Hey,” she said softly. She moved her legs from underneath her and stretched them down the length of the bed and crossed her ankles.

“Hey,” Brian replied with a sigh of relief.

Apparently, he’d let everything get to him too much and had made a big deal out of nothing. He shrugged out of his jacket and pulled his sneakers off of his feet. He dug into the pocket of his jeans and took out his wallet and room-key and set them on the dresser. Then, he walked over to the bed and climbed in next to Noelle. Immediately, he reached out and wrapped his arm around Noelle’s shoulder, pulling her closer to him.

Noelle smiled as she snuggled into his chest. She wrapped her arm around Brian’s waist and held him tightly to her. She inhaled deeply, taking in his slightly musky, but still amazing smell. When she looked up, Brian was looking down at her with a smile. She leaned forward and planted her lips gently against his.

Brian wrapped his hand around the back of her head and held her closer, prolonging the kiss for as long as he could. When she finally pulled away, Brian sighed.

“Today was—”

“Crazy,” Noelle finished softly.

“Yeah,” Brian agreed. He reached up and stroked Noelle’s cheek where Leighanne had hit her. “Crazy. I’m sorry about all of this. You’ve really been dragged into a mess.”

“Don’t apologize,” Noelle practically whispered. She sat up and threw one leg over Brian’s so that she was straddling his lap, facing him. “When I decided to do this with you--really do this--I knew what I was getting myself into.”

“Still,” Brian replied, as guilt took over. “She shouldn’t have attacked you like she did, both physically and verbally.”

Noelle laughed softly and shook her head. “I kind of provoked her and anyway, I’m a big girl. You did good, though. Well, you did good for me. You’re here, right? And I’m here with you and she’s gone. I just—I have to admit that I feel bad for her. It’s obvious how much she loves you and you must have felt the same at some point in time and it’s just—it’s heartbreaking.  I don’t like being the cause of someone else’s pain. I feel kind of guilty.”

“Noelle, you don’t have anything to feel guilty for. You didn’t steal someone’s husband. Things were already over between Leighanne and I—” Brian started, but Noelle cut him off.

“I know, I know. Things were over before you met me, I get it. That doesn’t change the look on her face.” Noelle shook her head slowly and sighed again. “I really shouldn’t let myself get concerned with her. I don’t even know her, but I still feel bad.”

“That’s because you’re a good girl,” Brian replied with a smile as he placed his hands on her hips and pulled her toward him for another kiss.

“I’m not always good,” Noelle mumbled into his lips.

Brian smirked and shook his head. He kissed her lightly again and then pulled away.

“Well, you’ve gotta be good tonight because papa’s gotta get some sleep.”

Noelle pouted at him playfully and Brian rolled his eyes and slapped his hand lightly against her lower back. “Get off me woman.”

Noelle laughed as she swung her leg back over Brian’s lap and landed back on her side of the bed. She waited while Brian changed for bed and then climbed under the blankets with her. He reached over and turned off the light at the bedside table before lying down and pulling Noelle into her place against him.

Brian pressed his lips against hers once more and whispered into the darkness, “I love you, Baby.”

“I love you, too, Papa,” Noelle replied, mocking his earlier nickname for himself. They both laughed softly before drifting off to sleep.

***

It was the middle of the night when Leighanne arrived back home to Georgia. After Brian left her standing in the hallway of the hotel, she raced back to his room and re-packed her bags. She took off and got on the next flight back home. Brian hadn’t so much as called to make sure that she was okay. He didn’t make sure that she’d gotten onto a plane safely or to see if she’d ended up staying another night. He didn’t care anything about her one way or the other.

That thought finally hit home to Leighanne and ached to her very core. She didn’t know how someone could change so much in so little time. She didn’t understand how she could be so low on his list of priorities. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t the way in which things were supposed to be.

Even his mother had tossed her aside like she was the flavor of the week. His family—her family—had forgotten about her as well.

All day, she’d had to avoid the gazes of people in the airport and on the plane. She didn’t want anyone to ask her if she was okay. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, because the truth was, she wasn’t okay and none of them could help her. She didn’t know if she was ever going to be okay again.

As she walked into the house, there were still tears streaming down her cheeks. She had just walked in, but already it was as if the walls were caving in around her. When Brian had originally given her the divorce papers she’d destroyed his gold record displays and torn up their wedding photos. Their remaining photo albums were stored away, so there were already very few reminders of him in the house. Still, his presence haunted her. It was the memories in her mind; the ones that wouldn’t ever fade.

She could look at the couch and remember cuddling up to watch a movie, but ending up doing so much more. She could lie in their bed and remember feeling his warm body against hers at night. She could still smell his scent as it was blended into everything. He was everywhere, but he would never be back again. She took everything for granted and now, she would never be in his arms again.

Leighanne left her bags at the door and went into the bathroom. She needed to get cleaned up. There was no way that she was staying there. She was going to go to Suzanne’s house, but she wasn’t about to let her sister see the mess that she’d let herself become over Brian Littrell.

When she saw her appearance in the mirror, it caused her to cry harder. Her blond hair was a mess. Her eyes were puffy from crying and in the background all she could see was the vision of Brian walking in as she was fixing her hair and wrapping his arms around her from behind. He’d place a kiss on the side of her neck and whisper that he loved her. With the blink of an eye, Brian disappeared and she was alone, cold and broken.

Without thinking, Leighanne opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the leftover bottles of painkillers that Brian had been prescribed after he’d sprained or pulled some random muscle in his body.

He vowed ‘til death do us part, Leighanne thought to herself, then I’ll just help him keep his damn vow.

In a mess of uncontrollable sobs, she pulled the tops off of the bottles and shoved the pills into her mouth. She grabbed one of the small bathroom cups that she left by the sink and filled it with water to help her get the medication down.

It didn’t take long for the affects of the drugs to start taking over. Leighanne stumbled out of the bathroom and down the hall. Her breathing became labored and her eyes became blurry. Her heart started to pound inside of her chest and suddenly, she was scared.

In the living room, she clutched the shelf where the phone was kept. She grabbed the phone as the room started to spin and she fell to the ground. Forcing herself to stay awake, trying not to panic and cause her labored breathing to become even more so, Leighanne held down the button on the speed dial for her sister.

Luckily, Suzanne picked up after the first ring.

“Suzanne,” Leighanne mumbled almost incoherently, “I did a stupid thing.”

Brian got the call in the middle of the night.

It was after 3 a.m. when his cell phone buzzed on the bed side table. Noelle pushed against Brian’s chest, not ever fully waking up as she told Brian to answer the phone.

Brian groaned and sat up in bed as Noelle rolled onto her side facing away from him. As the fogginess cleared in his mind, a nervous anticipation began to set in. A call in the middle of the night never brought good news unless you were in another country and the person calling had no idea it was the middle of the night.

Brian saw an unfamiliar phone number flashing on the screen. He recognized that the area code was based in Atlanta and tentatively answered. He didn’t even get a chance to finish saying ‘hello’ before a woman was shrieking at him into the phone. It was Leighanne’s sister, Suzanne. She was screaming at him and crying and Brian couldn’t make out most of what she was saying, but he got the general message. Something had happened to Leighanne and she was in the hospital.

Brian asked Suzanne to calm down, but that just caused her to shriek more nonsensical crap into his ear. Eventually, a doctor or nurse came over to talk to Suzanne, so she had to go. Brian shakily told her that he’d be on the next flight out.

He and Leighanne were in the process of getting divorced, but he wasn’t a completely callous bastard. He didn’t want anything bad to happen to her. The fact that he had seen her earlier in the day caused a mild panic to rise in his chest. Slowly, he set the phone on the bedside table and tried to take deep breathes. In an instant, he pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his hands into his hair. He was saying a silent prayer. He didn’t know what had happened to Leighanne—he hadn’t been able to get that much out of Suzanne—but he knew that he would never forgive himself for the way that they had ended things if Leighanne didn’t end up leaving that hospital.

Next to him, Noelle knew that Brian had never laid back down. She’d heard the panicked phone call and sat up in bed next to Brian, but didn’t say anything. She knew that in stressful situations, Brian tended to curl into himself for a moment before letting anyone else in. She tried to give him his moment but after a few minutes of torturous silence, she rested her hand lightly on his arm.

Brian jumped and turned toward Noelle like he had forgotten that she was there. He let out a final, calming breath before turning his head to lightly kiss Noelle’s fingertips. He jumped out of bed and flew to the closet. In another second, one of his smaller suitcases was opened on the bed and he was throwing clothes inside.

“Brian,” Noelle asked, slightly confused and scared by his behavior. “What happened? Where are you going?”

“There’s been an accident,” Brian mumbled back as he knelt down in front of the dresser and pulled out his socks and underwear.

“Oh my God,” Noelle gasped, “what happened?”

Brian shook his head slowly. “I don’t know.”

Noelle jumped out of bed and rushed over to the closet. She pulled out a pair of pants and a t-shirt for Brian to wear on the plane. As she bent down to pick up his sneakers, she turned back to him.

 “Is it someone in your family? Do you need me to go with you?”

Brian scoffed and shook his head. “I think that you coming with me would be a really bad idea.”

Noelle visibly balked at how cold Brian had become. She tried to understand, but it was hard to gain any kind of peace of mind when the person snapping at you isn’t telling you anything.

“Okay,” Noelle mumbled softly and handed him the outfit that she’d grabbed. “For the plane.”

She turned back toward the closet and started to pull out a couple more pairs of jeans and a few more shirts. She had no idea how long Brian was going to be gone. Currently, they were in New York, where the Boys had planned to stay for a few days to do some appearances and various shows in the area. She assumed that he’d be back before the tour took off again—he’d have to be, right?

Brian got dressed and then watched as Noelle slowly and calmly helped him to pack his suitcase. She didn’t have any idea where he was going and he was acting like a jerk, but she was still staying up in the middle of the night to help him.

He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s Leighanne.”

Noelle glanced up at him with wide-eyes. Brian half expected that she’d stop helping him pack. He thought that, perhaps, she’d get mad that he was pushing away to be with his ex-wife. Instead, she surprised him. Tears began to wash down Noelle’s face as she started to throw Brian’s clothes into his suitcase with more fervor.

Brian’s heart broke in his chest as he watched her.

Noelle didn’t even know what happened to Leighanne, but she felt guilty regardless. What more could the girl be put through? First, she loses her husband and ends up getting humiliated in front of one of his friends and her husband’s new girlfriend (not to mention the rest of the world). Then, she ends up in the hospital for God knows what?

Brian took the few steps toward Noelle and closed the gap between them. He pulled her into his arms and held her against him tightly. She needed to feel him next to her just as badly as he needed her.

“Is she going to be okay?” Noelle whispered into Brian’s shoulder.

Brian sighed again and clenched his eyes tightly closed. “I don’t know. That was her sister on the phone and I couldn’t really get much out of her. All I heard was that Leighanne was in the hospital and that she might not make it.”

“You don’t know what kind of accident it was?” Noelle asked as she pulled away and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She felt stupid for crying. She didn’t even know Leighanne.

“No, I don’t know,” Brian replied softly. He brought his hands up to his face and rubbed his palms over his cold cheeks. “I need to get out of here, though.”

He turned back toward the bed and zipped the suitcase that Noelle had packed for him.

“Do you want me to call the airport?” Noelle offered, but Brian shook his head.

“I’m just going to catch the next flight out whenever I get there.”

He pulled the suitcase down off of the bed and ran his hands nervously through his hair again. He grabbed the handle of his suitcase, turned toward the door and then stopped. He let go of the suitcase and walked back over to Noelle. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately.

“I love you, Noelle. You know that, right?”

Noelle tried to smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Instead, she nodded and kissed him lightly again.

“I love you, too, B.”

In another instant, Brian grabbed his suitcase and shot out of the door.

***

Though the flight between New York and Atlanta was only a few hours long, it felt like the longest flight of Brian’s life. He didn’t know what had happened to Leighanne or what he was going to find when he got to the hospital. All night he had been holding back the nausea at the pit of his stomach. Throughout the flight, he had an airplane throw-up bag clutched in his fist, but the last thing that he wanted to do was use it.

When the plane landed, he tore through the airport, grabbed his bags quickly and caught a taxi to the hospital that he knew Leighanne was at.

He paid the cab driver an extra hundred dollars to bring his suitcase back to the house that he shared, or at least used to share, with Leighanne which wasn’t that far away. Then, he sprinted down the stone pathway through the front of the hospital. He gave the receptionist his wife’s name and was told that she was in the intensive care unit.

Nervously, Brian took the elevator up to the proper floor. When the doors opened, immediately he saw Suzanne pacing the floor in the waiting room. He ran over to her quickly with opened arms, ready to comfort and be comforted by one of Leighanne’s family members. Instead, he was met by her hand slapping him across the face.

Brian was stunned for a second, but then his jaw fell opened. “What the hell was that for?”

“You are a no-good, bastard, Brian Littrell!” Suzanne screamed. “You made promises to my sister and now because of you, she’s in a room down the hallway clinging on for dear life! This is all your fault.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Brian stammered quietly.

There weren’t many people in the waiting room, but the ones who were there were staring at the exchange between him and Suzanne.

“Leighanne tried to kill herself tonight,” Suzanne sobbed. “I don’t know what the hell she found when she went to New York to win you back, but it was bad enough to send her back here and have her swallow a near-lethal amount of muscle relaxers and pain killers.”

Brian shook his head slowly from side to side. He wouldn’t believe that her actions had anything to do with him. He wouldn’t have Leighanne’s blood on his hands.

“That’s not true.”

“You think that I’m lying to you?” Suzanne shrieked. “If she wouldn’t have smartened up and called me when she did, we wouldn’t even have the shred of hope that we have for her now.”

“Where is she?” Brian asked. His voice was barely above a whisper.

“No way.” Suzanne crossed her arms and shook her head slowly. “No way am I telling you that. You don’t deserve to know. You don’t deserve to see her. I just wanted you to be here so that if she does wake up, at least she has some hope that you still give a shred of shit about her and if she doesn’t, well, then you can see that sometimes, Brian, your actions do have consequences.”

Suzanne’s words stung him like they were sharp knives. He didn’t want to believe that it was true, but every argument that he had built up for starting over without Leighanne floated away. Suddenly, Brian’s notion of wanting to be happy dissolved like a distant dream. The thought just made him feel incredibly selfish and guilty.

“Where the fuck is she, Suzanne?” Brian found himself screaming a moment later. “I’m not playing this fucking game and I’m certainly not explaining myself to you! Where the fuck is she?”

Suzanne took a step back, shocked by the side of Brian that she’d never seen. Without saying another word she pointed down a narrow hallway to the left of where they were standing.

Brian turned on his heels and took off down the hallway. He stopped at the nurse’s station and asked for directions. He had to tell the nurse that he was Leighanne’s husband in order to gain admittance. The nurse led him down a series of corridors until they stopped in front of Leighanne’s room.

“Technically, visiting hours are over,” the blonde-haired nurse whispered. “But I’ll make an exception. Please just be quiet. When the doctor comes in to check on her, you’ll have to wait outside.”

Brian nodded slowly and thanked the nurse. He stood outside of Leighanne’s hospital room door for a second before entering. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he opened the door and let himself in.

Immediately, tears began to pour down his cheeks. Nothing looked that different about her since he’d seen her the day before. She was a little paler, but other than her coloring and the breathing tube that was wrapped around her nose and down her throat, she looked like she was sleeping.

Brian pulled the cushioned chair out of the corner of the room closer to the bed. He sat down and crossed his right ankle over his left and just stared at his estranged wife. Then, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He reached out and took Leighanne’s hand into his own as a fresh set of tears began to spill.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t been everything that you expected me to be, Leigh,” Brian whispered as he rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. “I’m so, so, sorry that I ever hurt you, but I’m going to make it up to you. I swear.”

The hours dragged by through the morning and into the afternoon. Leighanne’s condition changed little, if any at all. She was in stable, but critical condition. She was able to breathe on her own, but the doctor’s opted to leave her on the ventilator to give her lungs and heart a chance to rest and recuperate from the damage that she’d done with the drugs.

Like the illusion of the perfect husband that Brian was, he sat dutifully by Leighanne’s bedside throughout the entire day. When visiting hours were reopened, Suzanne joined him. Together, they sat silently by Leighanne waiting for something to happen, for Leighanne to give them some sign of the life that was still inside of her.

When the doctor’s came in to examine Brian’s wife, Brian and Suzanne stepped out of the room. Suzanne went back into the waiting room while Brian stepped out into the hall to call the Backstreet Boys’ manager and let her know what was going on.

Jen answered on the first ring.

“Brian,” she exclaimed. “Noelle told us that there was an emergency at home. Is everything okay?”

Brian sighed. He really didn’t know how to answer her question.

“I don’t really want this getting around,” Brian started, “so before I start can I know that you’ll keep this between the two of us?”

“Of course,” Jen replied. “We’re on a need to know basis. Got it.”

Brian walked further down the hallway until he was sure that there were no nosy bystanders listening.

“You know that Leighanne showed up at the hotel yesterday, and she and Noelle had a drag down brawl,” Brian began.

“Yeah,” Jen answered needlessly.

“Well, Leighanne just wouldn’t take a hint. I gave her the divorce papers; I’d told her that we were over, but she kept holding onto hope. Maybe that was my fault, maybe I wasn’t assertive enough,” Brian went off on a tangent.

He had been playing the events of the last few months over and over in his head. He kept wondering if there were things that he should have done differently. All of his thoughts ended at once place, one person, but he wasn’t ready to fully commit to the fact that maybe he and Noelle has rushed into their relationship. Brian knew that he loved Noelle with all of his heart, but it was getting hard to deny that there was so much that was pulling them apart; there was so much that was against them. The relationship had been a fight from the very beginning and Brian caught himself wondering if fate was starting to intervene to make him realize that he entered the fight too soon.

“Brian,” Jen interrupted Brian’s thoughts. “Where is this going? What happened?”

“Leighanne tried to kill herself, Jen,” Brian replied in a sad whisper.

“Oh my God, Brian,” Jen gasped. “Please, take all the time that you need. I’ll take care of everything. Is she going to be okay?”

“We don’t know yet,” Brian answered. “I’ll call you back when I have more information. Just please, I really need your confidence right now. I don’t want this spreading around, especially to Noelle. I need to be the one to talk to her.”

“Yeah, of course,” Jen replied. “If there’s anything that you need—”

“I’ll let you know,” Brian finished. “Thanks, Jen.”

Brian hung up and started to make his way back to Leighanne’s room. He spoke to the nurse briefly as there wasn’t much to report. Leighanne’s vitals were looking good, but she still needed time to heal. It looked like she was going to be okay, but only time would tell.

Brian thanked the nurse and then entered back into Leighanne’s room. Suzanne was back in spot near the window, and Brian took his seat closest to the door.

Suzanne looked up at Brian spitefully. She both loved and hated that he looked so wrenched over Leighanne’s condition. Suzanne knew that only Leighanne’s mental state could be blamed for her being in that bed, but the irrational side of her blamed Brian for her sister’s head space. If he’d just waited a little while to start dating, if he’d just tried a little harder, if he’d just gone through with the counseling and marital help that Leighanne wanted then maybe the three of them wouldn’t be sitting here like this waiting for a sign that her sister was going to live.

“So,” Suzanne started bitingly, “were you speaking to your new little girlfriend just now?”

Brian scoffed and shook his head. He wasn’t going to answer at first, but then frustration got the best of him.

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Brian spat, “but no, I wasn’t speaking with Noelle. I was on the phone with my tour manager letting her know that I wasn’t going to be back for a while.”

Suzanne shook her head, not liking his tone one little bit. “I don’t even know why you’re here.”

“What is your problem?” Brian yelled. “You don’t know anything. You haven’t even bothered to ask for my side of the story. You know me, Suzanne. You know that I wouldn’t cheat on Leighanne and then throw her under the bus and purposely hurt her! I know that this is hard for you, but while my relationship with Leighanne is circling the drain that doesn’t mean that I don’t still care about her! It doesn’t mean that I want her to die, and I sure as hell didn’t want to be the reason that she felt like she lost the will to live!”

Suzanne glared at Brian wordlessly. Her more rational side knew that he was right, but she felt like she needed someone to blame. She hated that her sister was lying in that bed and Brian was sitting there like everything was okay and he wasn’t the reason that she’d given up all hope. When she saw the tears begin to pour down Brian’s face, she softened and realized that maybe this was hard for him after all.

Suzanne sighed again. “I’m sorry, Brian. You’re right. You’ve been family for a long time, but I have to admit that I don’t understand. No one does. Things seemed fine and then you went away and the next thing that we know there are divorce papers being filed and you have a new younger girlfriend who happens to be your band-mate’s sister?”

“It wasn’t like that,” Brian answered, wiping the tears of off his cheeks embarrassedly. “I didn’t even know Noelle until after Leighanne and I were already separated. She and I met on a night that Leighanne was sending me text messages about some date that she was going on. I didn’t expect to fall in love with her. Even if I hadn’t fallen in love with her, I would have given Leighanne the papers anyway because I believed that our marriage was essentially over.”

“You believed that?” Suzanne inquired, thinking that Brian had slipped up. Maybe she was just hoping that Brian had slipped up. For such a strong action of Leighanne’s to create such a strong reaction from Brian might be more detrimental than helpful.

“I love Noelle,” Brian sighed. “I do, but I don’t know what I think anymore. I don’t know what’s right and what isn’t. How can I walk away from someone who would rather die that live without me?”

“That’s not exactly healthy, Brian,” Suzanne answered.

“Which side are you on?” Brian snapped as he glared at his sister-in-law. Inside, he knew that she was right.

“I’m on Leighanne’s side, always,” Suzanne replied. “That doesn’t mean that I’m on the side of Leighanne that thinks she should get whatever she wants, because sometimes, what she wants and what she needs are two different things.”

“I don’t know anymore, Suz,” Brian sighed. “I don’t know if I jumped too soon. I don’t know if I did the right thing. It’s easy to remember why we shouldn’t be together when we’re screaming at each other every second of every moment of every day, but it’s so much harder to make any of that matter when she’s lying in this bed clinging to life because of me.”

“You know that this isn’t just because of you.” Suzanne smiled sympathetically. “Leighanne made it about you, but this is largely because of Leighanne’s insecurity. It’s normal to be sad; it isn’t normal to take a bottle of pills because you feel like you can’t live without someone.”

“Juliet stabbed herself with a dagger…” Brian joked sarcastically.

“While you may think that you are, you’re not Romeo and Leighanne isn’t Juliet and this isn’t some Shakespearean tragedy.” Suzanne rolled her eyes at his analogy.

“I was just kidding.” Brian sighed and sat back in his chair. He tried to smile, but the gesture didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Just then, his cell phone started to vibrate in his pocket effectively ending their conversation. He looked down and felt a sincere pang in his heart when he saw Noelle’s smiling face staring back up at him. The picture was taken first thing in the morning. Her hair was in waves over the pillow. She was fresh-faced and just woken up and she looked beautiful, angelic even with the white sheets surrounding her face.

“You should get that,” Suzanne said from across the room, somehow sensing that it was Brian’s girlfriend. “It’s okay.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Brian nodded and quickly left the room. He wasn’t sure that he was ready for this conversation, but he selfishly wanted to hear Noelle’s voice.

“Hey,” he answered as he made his way down the hallway back into the abandoned area of the corridor.

“Hey,” Noelle replied. She was nervous for some reason. She tried to remind herself that she was just speaking with Brian, but she somehow sensed that everything was about to change. “Jen just let everyone know that you had something going on at home and that the guys were going to reschedule some tour dates. She didn’t give much more information than that. How are things?”

“Things are—” Brian paused. That was another question he didn’t know how to answer. “Things are weird.”

In her and Brian’s hotel room in New York City, Noelle nodded. Somehow, she understood the underlying themes in that simple statement. “Yeah, things are weird.”

There was an awkward pause in conversation before Noelle spoke again, “So, what happened? Or do you not want to talk about it?”

“Leighanne prescribed herself a cocktail of muscle relaxers and pain killers,” Brian replied quickly without giving himself a chance to even think about giving Noelle the news more gently. There was dead silence on the other end of the line and mentally, Brian kicked himself. “Hello?”

“She tried to kill herself?” Noelle asked softly, shakily. The question came out more as a statement than any question at all.

“Yeah,” Brian answered simply.

“Oh my, God,” she gasped. “Oh my, God.”

In a hurry, Brian knew that he needed to talk Noelle off of a ledge before she went overboard in playing the blame game.

“Hey,” he started. “It’s going to be okay. The doctor’s said that it seems like she’s going to be fine, okay? And please, don’t blame yourself. I’ve been doing enough of that for the both of us.”

“But Brian—” Noelle started.

Brian cut her off. “But nothing, Noelle. You and I didn’t do this. Not directly, anyway.”

Noelle sighed and Brian could hear that she was holding back the tears that were about to overflow. A thousand thoughts were running through her mind. They just happened to be the same thousand thoughts that Brian was wrestling with himself.

“Brian?” she whispered.

“Yeah?” he answered just as softly.

“Are you thinking that maybe everyone was right? About you and me?” Noelle asked.

Brian let out a shaky sigh himself. He wanted to choose his words carefully, but he decided to be as truthful as he could be.

“I honestly don’t know.” He paused again the continued, “Do you? Think everyone was right?”

Noelle answered after a slight hesitation, “I don’t know either.”

Suddenly, it felt like he and Noelle were a thousand miles apart. He didn’t want to be this distant from her, but nothing felt like it was going to be the same. Suddenly, their last kiss in that hotel room seemed to mean so much more.

“Hey Noelle?” Brian started again.

“Hmm?” Noelle answered.

“You know I love you,” Brian said, but he left the rest of his thought unfinished.

“Yeah,” Noelle replied. “I know. And I love you too. Always.”

With that, Brian and Noelle hung up with so much left unsaid and their entire relationship hanging in the balance. It was needless to hope that things were different or that it was a different time, but that’s the very thought that was running through both of their minds.

Sometimes, you get everything that you ever thought that you wanted, but at that moment in time there just seemed to be too much standing in the way.

Goodbye is a strong word, but many times it’s the only word left to say.

After speaking to Brian, Noelle spent a long time lying in bed staring up at the ceiling. She could still smell the scent of Brian on the side of the bed that was designated as his. It was the perfect mixture of shampoo and cologne and pheromones. If Noelle closed her eyes she could pretend that he was still lying next to her, though the façade wouldn’t last for long; there was an unbelievable emptiness that hung over the room.

There had been so much love there hours before. They’d arrived in New York at the beginning of the week and they had finally had time to properly catch up and be together. Then, Leighanne showed up and the two woman fought over a man that deep inside Noelle knew wasn’t completely hers. But at that moment, Brian had chosen. He’d chosen Noelle. He’d left with Noelle and he’d sent Leighanne home. Little did either Brian or Noelle know that it might have been the last time that anyone saw her breathing.

Suddenly, everything had changed. She didn’t want to be the root of anyone’s pain that ran as deeply as Leighanne’s. If Brian meant that much to Leighanne that she thought that she couldn’t live without him, maybe Noelle didn’t really know the depth of their love at all.

She hated to think it, but she was starting to wonder if she needed to take herself out of the race. The thought brought an unbelievable pain to her heart. Her chest tightened and her lungs clenched, torn between breathing regularly and giving into the tears.

 She loved Brian more than she’d ever loved anyone, but there was so much against them. Noelle was still dealing with the aftermath of her first affair and now, there was a woman out there who loved Brian so much and wanted to fight for him so badly that if she didn’t have him in her life, she didn’t want to live.

That was something Noelle could never compete with. It was something she didn’t want to compete with.

Inside, Noelle knew that Leighanne’s love bordered on obsession and wasn’t healthy for anyone, but she didn’t want to be the one to point that out. She didn’t want to be the one to state the obvious and she certainly didn’t want to be a part of an equation that was so obviously unfinished.

Part of Noelle told her that Brian was worth fighting for; he was one of the ones that you don’t walk away from. There was another voice, though. It was a voice of reason that was telling her that just because they parted ways now that didn’t mean that it had to be forever.

Though Noelle didn’t want to pull the trigger, it was becoming clearer and clearer still. Both she and Brian had so much of their own lives to sort out that being together was starting to become nearly impossible.

Finally, Noelle got up and began to pack both her and Brian’s clothes into their suitcases. The tour was disbanding and Noelle was going to be heading back to Florida later that evening.

Aside from things with Brian, Noelle was sad by the sudden end of the tour. She’d grown close to the other guys and to their manager, Jen. They all lived in California and she knew that it would be a long time before she would see them again.

Noelle put off packing her own clothes and decided to start with Brian’s. He already wasn’t there so it was easy to pretend that she was just packing to send her boyfriend away for a short time. That was so much easier than dealing with the truth.

She picked up his t-shirt and brought it to her nose. Like she had done while lying in bed moments earlier, she inhaled his scent wanting to memorize the smell. Silent tears began to run down her cheeks. She folded Brian’s clothes carefully and placed them neatly into his suitcase as the hiccupping sobs escaped her throat. When she got to the last t-shirt in the pile, she couldn’t bring herself to put it among the others.

It was the t-shirt that he’d worn the night that they met and then again on their first memorable date at the ice skating rink in Canada. He probably didn’t even notice that it was the same shirt, but Noelle did.

When she walked into the bar on that first night, she couldn’t help but to notice the gorgeous man sitting at the bar alone.

He was wearing a bright green shirt with thick darker green stripes. Before she could stop herself, Noelle walked over to this sad-looking man and started a conversation and the rest was history. Later, the new couple went ice skating and the magazines ran pictures of Brian and Noelle kissing passionately on the ice. Brian was below Noelle. He had on a hunter green stocking cap to match the darker green in his shirt. In the pictures, their hands were intertwined above Noelle’s head and Brian was smiling down at her. Despite the circumstances, it was one of her favorite pictures of the two of them because it was such a candid, real moment.

Quickly, as to not give herself the opportunity to change her mind, Noelle took that green shirt and stuffed it into the side pocket of her own suitcase. She wanted to keep it; she wanted to hold onto those memories.

Moments later, there was a light tapping on the hotel room door. Noelle quickly wiped her cheeks and made her way to the source of the knocking. She looked through the peephole and saw AJ standing in the hallway with his bags. She wiped her eyes again, rubbing her hands over her face roughly, and let her brother in.

“Hey,” Noelle said, softly. She turned and walked back toward the bedroom area where she had been packing so that AJ didn’t get a whole lot of time to take in the sadness that was written across her face.

“Hey yourself,” AJ replied, following her through the suite back into the bedroom. He set his bags down and sat on the bed opposite of where Noelle was packing. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Noelle replied, though it was obvious that she was lying.

“Do you know what’s going on?” AJ asked. He was watching Noelle intently for her reaction. He had spoken to Brian briefly earlier, but he didn’t know how much Noelle knew, and he certainly wasn’t going to be the one to tell her.

Noelle sighed and shook her head before answering, “You’ll have to talk to Brian about it, Alex.”

“I already did,” AJ replied.

“Then what the hell are you asking me for?” Noelle snapped. She knew that she shouldn’t be yelling at him, but it had turned into an emotional day.

“Whoa,” AJ answered, throwing his hands up in front of him in defense. “I didn’t know how much you knew. I was just testing the waters.”

“Well, the waters are very cold.”

Out of frustration, Noelle started to throw things into the suitcase without even folding them. In the next moment, she emptied the suitcase and started over.

“Okay, Noah,” AJ finally spoke up, using the shortened version of her name that only he called her. “Tell me what’s going on with you. Is Brian being a jerk suddenly?”

Noelle shook her head. “Quite the opposite actually.”

“Then what?” AJ prodded.

“How can you even seriously ask me that?” Noelle snapped again. “Brian’s wife tried to kill herself and in an instant everything changed. Everyone was right about us. It took one brief moment in time to realize that everything that I thought was real might not be.”

“Noelle,” AJ started slowly, trying to choose his words carefully. “Brian loves you.”

“But?” Noelle continued his sentence, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“But nothing,” AJ sighed. “That’s it. Brian loves you.”

“Fine, I’ll finish your thought for you,” Noelle said dryly. “Brian loves me, but it doesn’t matter because it’s the wrong time. Two paths on a snowy night and all that.”

“Nothing that I could say would matter right now, Noelle,” AJ replied to her histrionics. “You know what’s right. I just think that you need to understand that it is real. Brian does love you, but maybe, just maybe, you both have your own shit to work out first.”

“That’s exactly what I’ve been wrestling with all night.” Noelle stopped packing and sat on the bed opposite AJ. “Why now? Why couldn’t things just stay good?”

“Things were hardly ever good,” AJ replied, carefully. “I mean, you love each other, yeah, but it was always one thing after another. It was Leighanne and the press, and you said that you’d run into that professor of yours and got into a stupid fight over that. There’s always this push and pull with you and Brian, but only you know what’s right. You and Brian have to decide where to go from here.”

“Is there no place I can go to escape the pain that I will forever know?” Noelle recited a line from a song that she shouldn’t even know.

AJ thought for a second, then cracked a smile. “Are you quoting Backstreet Boys’ songs now?”

Noelle smiled back. “Just Brian’s.”

“Did you steal someone’s VHS tape or did you YouTube it?” AJ teased. When Noelle didn’t answer, he continued on, “You YouTubed it didn’t you? You YouTubed your boyfriend!”

Noelle laughed as she zipped her suitcase. “Shut up, Alex. Don’t you have a plane to catch or something?”

Noelle nodded at his packed bags and AJ laughed again. “Yes, but I have to know. Did you Youtube me too? What did you find?”

Noelle rolled her eyes. “For your information, I didn’t sit here YouTubing Brian all night, okay? When I was back home in Gainesville, I went over to Emily’s after telling her that Brian and I were dating, and she had a whole trunk full of old Backstreet memorabilia. So yes, I watched the tape and I happened to love Brian’s little solo part. I fast-forwarded through yours. I didn’t want to hear about you telling some groupie to ‘Lay Down Beside You’. I don’t know how you got anyone in bed with that mop of red curls on your head.”

“Okay, okay,” AJ laughed. “We don’t have to go back to all of my hair mistakes.”

“…which are probably the very reason that you’re losing all of your hair now,” Noelle quipped again.

AJ playfully glared at her and then stood up. “That’s it. I’m leaving.”

Noelle laughed and walked over to AJ. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. “I’m going to miss you.”

AJ smiled and hugged his sister back just as tightly. “I’m going to miss you too, but I’ll see you soon. I’ll make sure I visit more often. Or you know there’s a great school right around the corner from where I live.”

Noelle pulled away and sighed softly. She tried to smile, but couldn’t really make it into more than a smirk. Going to school in LA was one of those things that she and Brian had considered as a part of their plan. Now, that seemed like a fading memory.

“We’re both already talking like it’s over.”

“Isn’t it?” AJ asked with raised eyebrows.

Noelle could feel the tears beginning to pool in the corners of her eyes, and she looked away. “Brian and I should probably talk.”

“Probably so. Cut the guy a break though, Noelle. Don’t make him feel guilty or—”

Noelle scoffed. “I’m not a monster, Alex. He’s going through a lot. I just think that I need to step aside for a little while, and I’m not sure that he’d disagree.”

“You’re doing the right thing—for you and for Brian,” AJ assured her as he pulled her back into his arms.

“That doesn’t make it any easier,” Noelle whispered. Her heart honestly wouldn’t let her believe that it was real. Where was the guy whose arms had been wrapped around her the night before? Where had that relationship gone? It wasn’t simple, but it was simpler than this.

AJ kissed Noelle’s forehead and pulled away. “I need to go if I’m going to catch my flight. Are you okay? I can rebook or –”

Noelle shook her head. “No, I’m going to be right behind you. Thank you though. I’ll call you when I get home.”

After a final goodbye, AJ grabbed his bags and left Noelle to do what she needed to do. He hated to leave her when he knew that she was so torn up inside, but he was proud of her. Goodbyes are never easy, especially when you’re deciding to walk away from someone that you love so much, but both Brian and Noelle had so much baggage that it was hard for them in the beginning. AJ knew that if they waited and took care of their respective business, they might actually have a chance at their relationship working. If they tried to continue the way that things were headed, they were going to self-destruct. 

They would both be better off for now, but AJ truly hoped that someday things would be different for both of them so that they could finally be happy. Even he was starting to believe that they belonged together.

***

Noelle finished packing, got dressed and had plenty of time before her car service to the airport arrived to make the call that she was dreading.

As the phone rang, Noelle partially hoped that he didn’t pick up. She would be able to take that as a sign that she just needed to go home and think things through a little bit more. Instead, Brian picked up after a couple of rings.

“Hey Noelle,” Brian answered. He sounded like he was a million miles away.

“Hey,” Noelle replied back simply. “How are things?”

“The same,” Brian said with a sigh. “They’re always the same. Are you still in New York?”

“Yeah,” Noelle said slowly. “I’m getting ready to catch a flight back home.”

“Florida?” Brian asked shortly. He sounded so tired. Noelle just wanted to pull him into her arms and not let him go.

“Back to Florida, yeah.”

There was a brief pause in conversation. They both knew that she had a layover in Atlanta, but neither wanted to mention it.

“Brian, we should probably—”

“Talk,” Brian finished. “Yeah, we should talk.”

“Do you want to meet me at the airport?” Noelle offered.

“How long is your layover?”

“A couple of hours. I should land around 9 tonight,” Noelle answered. She listened as Brian expelled a huge, shaky sigh. She cut in before Brian could answer. “Listen, Brian. We don’t have to. I mean—”

Noelle trailed off, unable to finish the thought. Really, she didn’t know what she was going to say.

Brian cleared his throat and tried to regain his composure. In the abandoned area of the hallway that he had claimed as his own, his heart was breaking as he realized that he and Noelle were on the same page. They both knew what was coming, and he hated it; he hated it with everything inside of him.

Brian clenched his eyes shut and wrapped a hand in his hair. “I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

Brian arrived to the airport shortly before 9 o’clock. Visiting hours at the hospital were over, and he’d told Suzanne that he needed some air. He didn’t want to tell her that he was really going to meet Noelle. Suzanne wouldn’t get it. She would just think that he was being insensitive, and he wouldn’t be able to tell her the truth because the truth hurt too much.

Brian ordered a cup of coffee and began pacing the large opened area outside of the terminal. He checked the departure board for the third time. Noelle’s plane would be arriving on time.

It had been less than 24-hours since Brian was in New York performing for a crowd of excited fans. Less than 24-hours had passed since he had woken up with Noelle next to him when he got the phone call everyone dreaded receiving—the screaming call from a relative in the middle of the night. It had been less that 24-hours and everything had changed.

Brian was torn apart inside. He loved Noelle so much and had tried over and over again to convince himself that they were making the wrong decision. He knew that she was going to be coming to Atlanta with the same intentions that he had for being in that airport, but he also knew that he could change her mind if he wanted.

And he did want to change her mind.

He wanted to change the path that their relationship was taking so badly. He wanted to go back and resolve things with Leighanne before he met Noelle. He wanted to go back and tell the person that he was six months ago not to be such a coward, because he would end up losing so much—someone he loved, someone he used to love and his mind all in the same day.

Brian knew that he couldn’t go back. He knew that he couldn’t change the way that things had worked out between him and Noelle, and he knew that he owed it to Leighanne to hear her out and find out why she was so desperate about their marriage ending that she felt the need to take her own life. He hadn’t ever really tried to make their marriage work, and he was paying for it now.

Shortly after 9 o’clock the departure board changed and showed that Noelle’s flight had landed. Brian grabbed the cup of coffee that he’d purchased for her and headed toward the terminal from which he knew that she would be arriving. It didn’t take long before he saw Noelle walking slowly toward him. Her carryon bag was slung over her shoulder and her hair was tucked neatly behind her ears.

Brian walked over to her with opened arms. He pulled her into him and felt her relax against him. He squeezed and felt her squeeze back. He kissed the top of her head softly and then pulled away.

“How was your flight?” he asked as he took her carryon bag from her shoulder and handed her the coffee that he was still holding onto.

“It was okay. It was quiet,” Noelle replied softly. She searched out Brian’s hand and intertwined her fingers with his. She needed his touch now more than ever.

“I hate this,” Brian groaned, squeezing her hand tighter in his own.

“Me too,” Noelle answered. She looked down at her feet. She could feel the tears beginning to sting her eyelids and she didn’t want Brian to see her crying. The last thing that she wanted to do was make him feel badly for what was coming.

Brian led Noelle to a corner area in the terminal lounge. It was late enough that the airport was mostly empty and they were able to have a good amount of privacy. Noelle sat down on the small sofa and Brian sat down beside her. He reached around and wrapped his arm around her back and pulled her close to him. Noelle leaned down and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Do we really need to talk at all?” Noelle asked with a sigh. “Can’t we just sit here like this and then I’ll leave and we’ll both just know?”

Brian breathed out an ironic laugh through his nose. “I really, really hate this.”

“You’ve said,” Noelle replied.

“Everything just sucks. I can’t walk away from my marriage now. I didn’t try hard enough and I can’t just—” Brian stopped. He was starting to get choked up.

“Brian,” Noelle started softly. “I know and it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” Brian replied in a whisper. “I made promises to you. I told you that it was over and now I’m the same as that other guy. Rob whatever. The asshole.”

Noelle leaned up and looked Brian pointedly in the eye. She wanted to make sure that he heard exactly what she was trying to say.

“You are nothing like him, Brian. I love you and I know that you love me, but there’s someone else that you made promises to, someone who loves you who you loved at one point in time. Whether you decide that you need to work on your marriage or you decide that you two need to talk and work the specifics out while Leighanne gets the help and the clear mind that she needs, I can’t stand in the way holding you back. All that she’ll see is me and she’ll never see the truth behind the problems that you think that the two of you have.

“You didn’t play with my heart and jerk me around and have no intention of truly being with me. It just took a major slap in the face to see that we both have some unresolved issues to deal with. It hurts and it sucks and I hate to leave it like this—” Noelle paused when her voice cracked. She took a deep breath and then continued, “But I love you and I know that if I love you, I can’t be part of what’s making your life so hard. I don’t want you to feel guilty. If you and I are meant to be, it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen.”

“You know that I love you,” Brian stated with tears in his own eyes.

 Noelle nodded. “Yes, I know that you love me, but love isn’t enough to keep a fucked up situation together.”

“You and I were good together,” Brian replied. “It wasn’t completely fucked up.”

“I know,” Noelle sighed. “What we feel for each other isn’t, the situation is. It was just bad timing, bad fate, bad everything.”

“Regrets?” Brian asked shortly. He was having a hard time searching for words.

“No,” Noelle answered quickly. “You?”

“Only that I didn’t sort my shit out ahead of time, I guess,” Brian replied. He inhaled deeply and let the breath out slowly.

“Brian, this could be the best thing that ever happened to you,” Noelle responded. This time, the tears began to flow.

“How do you figure?” Brian inquired. His eyebrows were knit in confusion. He reached up and gently wiped Noelle’s falling tears.

“Because maybe you would have walked away. Maybe you would have thrown everything aside without a second look back, but now you get another chance to make things right. You get another chance to see if you were doing the right thing without worrying about resenting me later or me resenting you.” Noelle sat back and leaned into Brian again.

“I would never resent what we have, Noelle,” Brian replied softly, though he knew that he would never really know if that was the truth.

Noelle smiled and sat back up. She reached for her carryon bag and stood up. “I should probably go.”

Brian nodded and stood up with her. They walked quietly back toward the arm of the terminal where Noelle would pass through security to get to the gate. Noelle turned toward Brian and wrapped her arms around him for one final time. Brian pulled her in and held her close. His own tears began to drip down his face. He didn’t understand how something that was right could hurt so badly.

Brian pulled back and he and Noelle locked eyes. He could still feel the pull that radiating between them like a magnet.

“I love you,” Brian whispered.

“I love you too,” Noelle replied just as quietly.

Without thinking, the couple moved toward each other slowly. Brian wrapped his hands into Noelle’s hair on either side of her face as Noelle took a step closer and hooked her arms around his. Brian leaned in slowly and kissed Noelle passionately. Their bodies were pressed against each other, hungry as if they’d never see each other again.

They pulled away from each other breathlessly. Brian ran his hands the rest of the way through her hair. Noelle slowly dropped her arms and stepped back. Without another word, Brian watched as Noelle disappeared through the terminal. Whether she knew it or not, she was taking a large piece of him with her.

Brian sat back down, stunned again by the chain of events. He put his head into his hands, took a few cleansing breaths and told himself that he had to let go—for his own sake, for Noelle’s sake and for the sake of a sane future.

***

Brian went back to his house to shower and change before going back to the hospital. When he walked into the bathroom, his stomach churned. A number of pill bottles were opened and an assortment of pills was lying on the tile floor. Quickly, Brian swept the pills up into his hands and flushed them down the toilet. He would have thrown them away, but he didn’t want any evidence of what Leighanne had done to be left where either of them had the potential to see.

Brian put the toilet seat cover down. He’d turned on the hot water in the shower and was just letting it run. There was such a mixture of emotions running through him that he didn’t know which end was up. He wanted to be mad at Leighanne for doing something so selfish, but he knew that his actions were partially to blame.

Brian breathed in the steam and let himself cry again. He was such an emotional wreck inside it was a wonder that he was able to stand up.

After a couple of minutes, Brian pulled himself together, took a shower and headed back to the hospital. When he got there, Suzanne was pacing the halls waiting for him.

“Where have you been?” she attacked immediately upon seeing him.

“I was out, Suzanne. I told you. I went home to change and shower. Why? What’s going on?” Brian replied; a mild panic was starting to build inside.

“Leighanne is starting to wake up. The doctor said that it’s going to take some time for her to fully be up and cognizant, but I just think that you should be there when she is,” Suzanne answered.

She didn’t want to feel like she was pressuring Brian into playing a game and creating a façade where everything was okay, but somehow she got the feeling that Brian wasn’t going to walk away from Leighanne after this. Honestly, she didn’t know how she felt about that, but it was up to Brian and Leighanne to make their decisions.

Suddenly, there was air back in Brian’s lungs. He’d known that Leighanne was going to pull through, but now that she was actually coming around he felt an unbelievable sense of relief. He hugged Suzanne tightly and then turned toward Leighanne’s room. She was stirring quietly; her breathing tube had been removed. She looked like she was just sleeping.

Brian settled into his chair next to her bed and waited. At some point during the night, he drifted off to sleep. Hours later, he awoke to the sound of Leighanne’s raspy voice.

“You’re here,” Leighanne spoke the best that she could after having a breathing tube jammed down her throat for a day and a half.

Brian opened his eyes and looked over at his wife. He took her hand into his gently. “Yeah, Leigh. Of course I’m here.”

“I can’t believe that it took something so drastic for you to actually be here,” Leighanne spoke, though it was mostly to herself. Silent tears began to pour down her cheeks.

Brian pulled his hand back angrily. “Is this some kind of a game to you? Do you know what I’ve been through? I’ve been pulling my hair out with guilt over this. Of course I care about you Leighanne, of course I love you! Just because I couldn’t—God!”

“No!” Leighanne argued feebly. “I wasn’t playing a game, God no.”

Leighanne paused. Instead of getting angry and yelling at her some more out of frustration, Brian waited and let her continue.

“In the hallway the other day, you dragged me down to AJ’s room and you pulled Noelle out and you told her all of these beautiful things about how you couldn’t stand the thought of being without her and how the thought of it made it hard to breathe,” Leighanne lifted her arm weakly and wiped her tears from her cheeks. “That’s how I feel about you. The thought of being without you makes it hard to breathe. I felt like I was suffocating and like I lost everything, and you didn’t even want to try. I lost hope and I gave up, but I’m glad that it didn’t work. I know that my life is more important than a man not wanting me, but I still want that man. Right now, as I’m lying here in a hospital bed because of something stupid that I did out of desperation, I’m looking at him and I’m just glad that he’s the one that I woke up next to because when I married him I knew that he was the only person that I’d ever want to wake up to.”

Brian’s breath caught in his throat. It was the most honest, heart-wrenching thing that Leighanne had said about him in what felt like years. The woman that he married; the kind woman was still in there somewhere and though Brian knew that they had a lot to work on, he finally saw that maybe there was hope. Maybe Noelle was right in saying that what Leighanne did was the best thing to ever happen to him--to them--because it finally opened both Brian’s eyes and Leighanne’s eyes to what was important.

Losing Noelle still gutted Brian to his core, but he knew that he was doing the right thing. He had to at least give it a shot.

He sighed. “You’re right. I didn’t try as best as I could. I ran away and I gave up.”

“I didn’t make it easy for you,” Leighanne cried. “I should have tried to talk to you rationally, not play games. My games are what sent you right into Noelle’s arms. I bet she’s here somewhere, isn’t she?”

Brian shook his head slowly. “No, she isn’t here. Noelle decided to step aside. She thought that she’d be in the way and that we had a lot of talking to do.”

“That was mature of her,” Leighanne answered softly, though she hated having even the slightest positive thing to say about Brian’s girlfriend.

“Noelle’s one of the good ones, Leighanne,” Brian replied, making the same sentiment about Noelle that she had made about him to AJ. “You don’t let the good ones go unless there’s a really important reason to.”

Leighanne tried to smile. She didn’t want to get her hopes up, but it sounded like Brian was changing his mind. “What does that mean?”

Brian sighed again. “It means that, if you still want to, I’m willing to try. We’ll go to counseling and see if there’s anything left to fix. I’m not making any promises and I don’t want you to think that you can pull some crazy stunt and have me running back to you. It’s unhealthy for me to even be willing to change my mind based on you almost taking your own life.

That’s one of my conditions too. You have to seek your own counseling aside from marriage counseling. You have to get right in here.” Brian tapped the side of his head for emphasis.

Leighanne nodded. “You’re really going to do this with me? We’re really going to call off the divorce?”

“For now,” Brian reiterated. His voice got shaky again and his hands started to tremble. He wrung his hands together and inhaled a deep breath, trying to pull himself together. “I don’t know if what we had can be saved, Leigh, I’m going to be honest with you. You and Noelle were both right. You said that there were things to do, and she said that I should follow through so I don’t end up resenting her or myself later on for thinking I made a mistake.”

“It looks like I owe Noelle an apology,” Leighanne said softly, then looked down at her hands in hopes that her brimming tears wouldn’t start falling again.

“Let’s just make a deal. I agreed to go to marriage counseling and the counselor is going to want to bring up Noelle, but you don’t get to. You and I aren’t going to talk about it because I’m not going to lie to you Leighanne. I loved her,” Brian stopped and stared off across the room. “I love her, but I let that go because of you. We can’t play the Noelle card. Deal?”

“Yeah. Deal. Fine. I don’t want to talk about her either. I want to pretend like she didn’t exist.” Leighanne laid back against her pillows and yawned, suddenly exhausted.

Brian stood up and kissed Leighanne’s forehead softly. “We’ll talk more later. I’ll send Suzanne in and then you need to get some rest.”

Brian left the room in the awkward state that it was in. His world had been completely turned upside down and like Leighanne, he was suddenly exhausted. After Leighanne woke up, the first thing that he wanted to do was call Noelle, but he knew that he couldn’t. He was letting go; he was moving on; and he was going to try to be a good husband to his greatly depressed wife for better or for worse.

Later that week, Leighanne was cleared by the doctor to finally go back home. It was going to be Brian and Leighanne’s first time back in the same house in months. Brian had gone on tour and left her behind before all of the divorce talk happened. Picking up where they left off had been easy then. Now, it was awkward.

Before last week, Brian had no intention of coming back to the home that they had shared for the last five years. He’d said that he was finished with their marriage and he’d filed divorce papers. Now, because of a drama-filled stand that she’d taken, Brian had realized that they needed to do everything possible before throwing in the towel. Trying to kill herself was something that Leighanne had never dreamed of doing before, and it was nothing that she’d ever dream of doing again, but for whatever reason it was the wakeup call that Brian needed to come home where he belonged. Leighanne was weary of calling her hospitalization a blessing in disguise, but perhaps it was.

When they arrived to the rural part of Atlanta where they lived, Brian grabbed Leighanne’s bag out of the backseat of the car, and they both walked silently to the front door. They were finding it hard to speak to each other. Months earlier, their communication wasn’t good, but at least they could find something to talk about. There was a cloud hanging over them that Leighanne promised she wouldn’t bring up—a dark-haired, blue-eyed, 20-something year old, dark cloud.  Leighanne wanted to keep her promise to Brian, but as she started to feel better she found that she had so many questions; there was so much left unsaid.

Why did Brian really decide to walk away after the things that he’d told Noelle in the hallway of the hotel that day? Why Noelle? What made him fall in love with Noelle and out of love with her? What could she do to be more like the person that Brian had fallen in love with?

Leighanne knew that it was pathetic, which was part of the reason that she’d never come right out and ask Brian any of the things that were on her mind. If she so much as mentioned Noelle, she knew that he would get frustrated and probably snap at her. In the back of her mind, Leighanne knew that the silence regarding Brian’s girlfriend was for the better; she probably wouldn’t want his honest answers.

Leighanne watched as Brian pushed opened their front door and allowed her to enter the house first. Her breath caught in her throat at the last memories she had of being there alone, and then again at the last memories she had of being there with Brian.

Brian rested his hand on the small of Leighanne’s back comfortingly. “Are you okay?”

Leighanne tried her best to muster a smile. “Yeah, I’m great.”

“Liar,” Brian smirked and brushed past her to bring her bag up to their room.

Leighanne laughed softly and followed behind him. “Fine, it’s a little weird being back here. Not just with… Well, it’s just… it’s weird with everything.”

Brian threw her bag into the closet and nodded slowly. “Yeah, it is a little strange, I guess.”

He watched as Leighanne sprawled out on her side of the bed. It was early in the afternoon, but she was due for a nap. While in the hospital, all she ever did was eat, sleep and go to therapy. Brian yawned just thinking about it. He’d been catching up on some much needed sleep too. He contemplated slipping into bed next to Leighanne, but then vetoed that idea quickly.

“I think that I’m just going to go downstairs and watch some TV for a bit. Catch up on SportsCenter or something?” Brian said as he inched his way toward the door.

Leighanne nodded and then sat up in bed. “Maybe we can go get dinner later?”

“Sure,” Brian replied, “Sounds good.”

“Want to make reservations at Maggio’s?” Leighanne pushed, mentioning their favorite restaurant. Maggio’s had even catered their wedding.

Leighanne didn’t like watching him back out of the room so uncomfortably. She didn’t want him to leave. Before all of their problems started, he would have crawled into bed next to her and wrapped her in his arms. She knew that it would take time to get back to being that couple, but she hoped that it wouldn’t take forever.

She missed her husband, but she knew that he missed someone else. His heart was mistakenly broken, and now she had to wait for him to put the pieces back together and realize that his heart didn’t have a reason to be broken at all.

“Yeah.” Brian nodded. “I’ll make reservations for 7?”

“Sounds good,” Leighanne replied as she laid back down in their soft bed.

“Good,” Brian smiled again and backed the rest of the way out of the room. “Get some rest. I’ll wake you when it’s closer to dinner time.”

Brian closed the bedroom door behind him and bounced back down the stairs. He made the reservations for dinner and then laid back against the couch. He was ready for a nap, but he wasn’t about to tell Leighanne that. He was afraid that she would insist that he sleep in the bed next to her. It was going to be one thing lying there when the lights were off and it was time for bed and they were both exhausted, but when it was the middle of the day, things were sure to be get more awkward than they already were.

Besides, Brian just needed a second alone. He’d been able to push his thoughts aside and focus on what was in front of him, but Noelle still lingered in his mind. He still wanted to send her a friendly text message or pick up the phone and call just to hear her voice. It wasn’t going to help his marriage to continue wanting something that he couldn’t have and shouldn’t want in the first place.

He kept trying to tell himself to man up. He had a beautiful, albeit nearly crazy, woman upstairs that loved him and wanted him, and he’d had the opportunity to love and be loved by a beautiful, albeit it somewhat crazy herself, woman during a really hard time in his life. Brian had been blessed, and as he kept telling himself over and over, he needed to focus on what was right in front of him.

With that thought in mind, he got up off of the couch and walked back into his bedroom. Leighanne opened her eyes slowly when she heard the door open. Brian smiled at her softly and walked over to his side of the bed. Leighanne lifted the covers for him to join her underneath them. Brian climbed into the bed and wrapped his arms tightly around his wife. He kissed the back of her neck softly.

“Welcome home, Brian,” Leighanne murmured as she drifted back off to sleep.

***

Noelle was sitting on the couch in her apartment with her laptop on her lap when Emily walked in carrying a large bag of Chinese food. It was what Emily called the breakup special.

When Noelle had arrived home from Atlanta earlier in the week, she’d called Emily in tears. She hadn’t told her friend any of the specifics about her breakup with Brian, only that they had gone their separate ways. Emily had been there while she cried and went on about how awful she felt for that night, but the next day it was as if her friend’s heart was magically healed. Emily didn’t understand how Noelle could be so put together so quickly after she had fallen apart. So, the next night, she insisted on bringing over the breakup special.

Noelle was thankful that her friend was looking out for her, even if it was unnecessary. She was starving and hated going to the grocery store.

“How are you doing, friend?” Emily greeted as she set the bags down on the coffee table in front of Noelle.

Noelle set her laptop aside and dug into the takeout.

“I’m doing fine,” she said as she pulled out the never-ending boxes of Chinese food. “You got enough to feed an army here, Em!”

“That’s why it’s the breakup special. You know that food is always great comfort when you’re feeling bad,” Emily answered with an exasperated roll of her eyes.

“I’m not feeling badly,” Noelle replied. She picked up a container of some unnamed chicken dish and began picking at the food inside.

Emily rolled her eyes again. “Yeah, right.”

“I’m not,” Noelle defended. “I’m fine.”

“Then why won’t you talk about it?” Emily pushed. Noelle usually told her everything. It wasn’t like her to completely shut down, especially after a breakup.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Noelle replied, sighing softly. “Brian and I were together and now we aren’t.”

“The jerk went back to his wife didn’t he?” Emily said bitingly. “I knew that was going to happen! I’m starting with the cheesecake!”

Noelle couldn’t help but to laugh. “He kind of did, but he’s not a jerk. I told him to go.” She sighed again and put her chicken back down onto the coffee table. “Look, it was like this. Before I say anything you need to be sworn into secrecy!”

“Who the hell am I going to tell, Noelle? Only you. And you’re the one about to spill some big secret that probably only you and Brian care about,” Emily replied. When she saw the serious look on her best friend’s face, she retracted. “I’m sorry. I am sworn into secrecy.”

Noelle took a deep breath and started to speak a mile a minute. “Leighanne showed up in New York while Brian and I were there. Brian told her to get lost. She ran back to Atlanta and took an entire bottle’s worth of pain killers and muscle relaxers and she was in the hospital and Brian rushed down there and we both felt really guilty, but more than that, it made us realize that we both had too much baggage to make a real go at a relationship, so while we love each other we needed to set each other free.”

Finally, Noelle breathed. She looked at her friend whose mouth was hanging wide opened.

“Will you say something?” Noelle spoke again after a couple minutes worth of silence.

“She tried to kill herself?” Emily shrieked. “That’s major! And Brian going back to that only reinforces that behavior.”

“Have you suddenly changed your major to Psychology?” Noelle teased with a small smile. “It’s way more than that. It just brought everything to a screeching halt. Brian knew that he never would have forgiven himself if something had happened to her or if he walked away without ever really trying, and I would never be completely comfortable until I knew that she was done fighting for him. And then I have my own mess to figure out. I’m trying to get back into school. I have dreams that I don’t want to give up on either.”

Emily nodded at the computer that was still sitting next to Noelle on the couch. “Is that what you were doing? Looking at schools?”

Noelle nodded. “I thought about trying the University of South Florida or Miami, but I think I need to get out of Florida. I need a change, you know?”

“You have great transcripts and awesome references. You could get in anywhere that you wanted,” Emily replied. “I just don’t want you to go too far.”

Noelle smiled again. “I was kicked out of this program, remember? It’s not going to be that easy. I just need to get an interview someplace. If I can get into the Dean’s office, I know that I could get in.”

“Maybe you just need to use those connections of your brother’s, huh?” Emily raised her eyebrows playfully as she turned toward the television.

“Aside from the whole Rob drama, I think Alex’s connections are partially what got me into my present mess,” Noelle laughed. “And besides that, I’m not sure that Alex has any connections in the world of awesome medical schools.”

“Everyone knows a Backstreet Boys’ fan,” Emily replied. “You just never know.”

“You’re such a nerd,” Noelle laughed. “But I love you. And thank you.”

“For?” Emily inquiring, turning back to her friend.

“You were right,” Noelle sighed, trying to keep the strangled smile on her face. “I wasn’t okay.”

Emily wrapped her arm around Noelle, and Noelle rested her head on her friend’s shoulder.

“I miss him,” Noelle sighed.

“He’d be stupid not to miss you too, Elle,” Emily replied.

Both of the girls fell silent and let the sound of the television fill the room. It was the first time that she’d said it out loud, but she did miss Brian. She missed him a lot.

With a final sigh, Noelle lifted her head, grabbed her chicken back up from the table and pulled her laptop into her lap. It was time to get back to work.

A few weeks later, the Boys were back on the road. This time, Brian brought Leighanne with him. He had asked her to come, but he knew that if he didn’t she would just assume that she was coming anyway. She’d kept her promise and hadn’t spoken about Noelle, but he knew that she wasn’t going to take the chance of the two of them reconnecting again.

Brian was sure of one thing; Noelle wasn’t going to be going back on the road with them. The decision that he and Noelle had made was mutual and only made out of a rational need to let each other go. Being back in the same space where it all started would have made being back together—this time in a dirtier way—that much more appealing.

It turned out that Brian was right. Noelle wasn’t around and if people asked AJ about her, it was where Brian couldn’t hear it. Since Brian and AJ weren’t breaking each other’s faces again, Nick and Howie and the crew members assumed that no harm was done. If asked, they’d all admit that they knew that Brian and Leighanne were going to work things out all along; everyone was just glad that it didn’t seem like Noelle was the one who got hurt in the process.

Little did they all know that there was a much bigger story in the background. Only AJ was aware of Leighanne’s hospitalization. The others knew that something had gone down, but the details remained mum. Brian was glad to let everyone think what they wanted to think, but out of respect for his wife and the decisions that she’d made, he wanted to keep their private life as private as it could be.

There hadn’t been many dates left on the tour when Brian had left to go back to Atlanta, so within a couple of weeks all of the dates had been rescheduled and performed.

Brian sat on the couch in their hotel room suite, waiting for Leighanne to get ready to go to the wrap party. Everyone was invited—the stage crew; makeup, hair and wardrobe people; the band. Brian hated to be late. It was one of the many things that had always irked him about Leighanne; she had no sense of urgency about being where she was supposed to be when she was supposed to be there.

Brian glanced down at his watch again, and then called back to where Leighanne was finishing her makeup in the bathroom, “Leigh, everyone’s probably already down there. Are you almost ready?”

Leighanne rushed into the living area right then, sticking her second earring through her ear. “I’m coming, I’m coming.”

Brian stood up and grabbed his wallet and the room key and placed them into his pocket. He glanced over, admiring his wife. She was wearing a sexy, dark red dress. Her hair was in waves around her shoulders. Brian remembered that the time that she took was always worth it.

He walked over to Leighanne and pulled her into his arms. “You look beautiful.”

Leighanne smiled. A slight blush rose to her cheeks. It had been a while since Brian had been so sentimental.

“Thank you,” she replied softly. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Brian kissed her softly and then pulled away. “Ready?”

Leighanne nodded and they headed to the roof-top pool area that the tour management had booked for the party. When they arrived, Leighanne broke off to speak with some of the women whom she’d grown close to over the years while Brian headed toward the bar to grab a beer and indulge in some of the appetizers.

Brian sat down at one of the bar stools and took in the scene around him. It was a scene that he was so familiar with, but something seemed missing. He kept his mind from focusing on just what that was. He popped a shrimp cocktail into his mouth and took a swig of his beer, then winced. Seafood and beer was not a great combination.

Brian wasn’t alone at the bar for long. People came and went around him. He spoke to Nick for a while about songs that he was working on for his solo album, and then he spoke to Howie about his not-so-new baby, James. Nick was excited to have some time at home to record, and Howie was excited to have some time at home to be with his family. Brian was happy to be speaking about other people’s lives rather than dwelling on putting his own back together for once.

As Nick and then Howie walked off to speak with others, AJ found his way to the bar. He’d wanted to speak to Brian, but they hadn’t really had the opportunity. Brian seemed to have an additional shadow these days.

“Hey,” AJ greeted as he sat down on the bar stool next to Brian.

“What’s up?” Brian greeted in return.

“Leighanne looks like she’s doing well,” AJ said after he ordered a bottle of water from the bartender.

Brian turned around and looked at his wife who was fawning over pictures of Howie’s baby. He turned back to AJ and sighed softly. “Yeah, she’s doing okay.”

AJ took a sip of his water, and then put the bottle back down. “How about you?”

“How about me what?” Brian asked, playing dumb.

“How are you doing with everything?” AJ rephrased, shooting a glare at his friend. He didn’t want to spell it out, and he was sure that Brian didn’t really want him too either so he hoped that Brian would stop being coy.

Brian got the hint and shrugged. “I’m okay, I guess.”

“Things working out okay with you and Leighanne?” AJ continued. He wasn’t sure how he felt about having this conversation, but since his sister swore that they’d ended things amicably AJ guessed that he didn’t have anything to be angry with Brian about.

“Things are okay,” Brian replied. He took the last pull of his beer and then ordered another. It might not have been that sensitive to AJ’s problems, but Brian figured that it had been long enough that Brian’s having a beer shouldn’t bother AJ that much. “Things have been weird, but I guess we’re working things out. We’re speaking again and not screaming at each other and we even enjoy each other’s company when we’re not trying so hard. We start marriage counseling when we get back.”

AJ nodded slowly. “Can I ask you a kind of personal question?”

“What the hell? Shoot,” Brian answered. AJ knew about everything there was to know about the last few months of his life, Brian didn’t know what difference one more question would matter.

“You seem miserable,” AJ observed.

“That wasn’t a question,” Brian sighed.

“Are you miserable?” AJ asked as he rolled his eyes.

“Is that your question?” Brian fired back.

AJ put his head into his hands and shook his head slowly. “Are you always this hard to talk to?”

Brian sighed and decided to stop being difficult. “No, I’m not miserable, exactly. I’m confused. I love Leighanne. I never stopped loving Leighanne; it’s just different and I don’t know if it’s right different or completely wrong different.”

There was a pause in conversation as both Brian and AJ absorbed what Brian was trying to say.

“Can I ask you something else?” AJ continued.

“Isn’t that the game that we’re playing?” Brian quipped. He didn’t mean to come off as such a jerk, but it had suddenly become really hard to open up to his friend about things.

AJ ignored Brian’s tone and continued again.

“Was it ever real? Were you ever serious about the divorce and No-” AJ paused and corrected himself, “And everything else. Or, looking back was it all wrong the whole time?”

Brian turned AJ’s question over in his head. He wanted to choose his words carefully. He sighed and then finally spoke, “AJ, it was like a whole, completely different life. It’s that dream that you never wanted to wake up from and now that you have… you just really want to go back to sleep.”

AJ just nodded and then clapped Brian on the back. “It’s tough to know what the right thing is, but at least you’re trying to do what you think is right.”

Brian looked back at Leighanne again. “That’s the thing, J. I’m not really sure about anything anymore.”

***

The next day, Noelle paced nervously outside of the Dean of Admissions’ office at the University of Southern California. She had applied only a few weeks ago, but on a whim she had called the school and requested an interview. The Dean got back to her rather quickly and accepted her request. They had scheduled the interview for a couple days later. Noelle jumped on a plane without telling anyone other than Emily where she was going and flew off to Los Angeles.

She could have called AJ and let him know that she was interviewing and thinking about moving closer to him, but she didn’t want him to start making ‘brother-plans’ and mess everything up. Noelle was ridiculously superstitious. She was of the belief that once you started making premature plans everything around you fell apart.

She also could have broken into his house again and stayed there while he was still gone, but then she knew that AJ would be back sometime that afternoon and it would be weird to find Noelle crashed on his sofa. She hoped to call him sometime later and surprise him with great news.

‘Hey! I’m in LA and I’m going to be moving here in a couple of months. Yay!’

But then just thinking about that phone call meant that Noelle was the one making premature plans, and she didn’t want to jinx herself.

“Ms. McLean?” the dean called as he poked his head out of his office.

Noelle stood up and extended her hand to the older, distinguished look gentleman. “Hi, it’s great to meet you. Thank you for taking the time to interview me Dean McCarthy.”

Noelle followed the dean into his office and sat when he directed her to a seat across from his desk.

“Of course, it’s a pleasure. I’ve been looking over your transcripts. You have excellent grades and good references, but I see that you were expelled from the University of Florida? Why don’t you talk about that?” Dean McCarthy shuffled through Noelle’s file and then looked up at her.

Noelle was taken aback. She didn’t expect to jump right into the past like that. She hoped to talk about some of her achievements first or at least her background.

“Well, um,” Noelle sighed and decided to just come out with it. “I made a stupid, unethical decision when I entered into a relationship with a professor. I want to make it completely clear that we were both consenting adults, and we were not in this relationship while I was in any of his classes. It just so happened that he was married and I didn’t know it at the time and everything pretty much fell apart around me after that.”

“Hmm,” Dean McCarthy said slowly while flipping through Noelle’s file again. “Why don’t you tell me what you’ve learned since then?”

“Other than not entering into relationships with your professors,” Noelle laughed uncomfortably. “More than learning anything specifically new, I’ve sealed the bond on things that were already there. I’ve learned to trust my instincts and fight for what I want and for what I believe to be true and right. I know that it’s not an ideal situation, but I want to be a doctor and I’ll be a good one. If USC doesn’t want me someone else will and I’m going to make another school very, very proud to have me as an alumna.”

The dean sat back in his chair and smiled, impressed with her. He paused trying to decide whether to tell Noelle what he knew. “Robert Matheson.”

Noelle was taken aback for a second time. “I’m sorry?”

“Dr. Robert Matheson,” the dean repeated. “Against my better judgment, I sent my daughter to the University of Florida. There were stories about Dr. Matheson. He uses his position to his advantage. I’m surprised you didn’t hear them yourself.”

Noelle shrugged and sighed softly. This wasn’t going so well. “There are always stories, Sir.”

Dean McCarthy leaned forward again and crossed his hands on the desk in front of him.

“Between you and me, the guy is a jerk anyway.” The dean smiled again and then moved on. “So, what have you been doing during your semester off?”

Noelle couldn’t help but to laugh. She was sure at this point that she’d have to resort to online medical school at ‘get-your-degree-here-real-quick.com’.

“My brother is a musician, a singer. I needed some time to take care of my business so I spent my summer and most of the fall traveling around the world with him,” Noelle replied.

“Oh?” Dean McCarthy inquired, interested. “Anyone that I would know?”

“Maybe. Since you have a daughter who is around my age probably so,” Noelle paused and smiled again. “My brother is AJ McLean, Backstreet Boy.”

The dean couldn’t help but to laugh softly. He’d never met anyone with a background quite like Noelle. “Well, you’re certainly unique, Noelle.”

“I’d say so,” Noelle replied. She sighed again and started to stand up. “Thank you so much for interviewing me. I won’t take any more time out of your busy schedule.”

“Wait a second,” Dean McCarty interrupted her exit. “Sit down. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. As doctors or aspiring doctors, we all want to imagine that we’re perfect, but I assure you that you’ll make many more mistakes. Why don’t we talk a little more about your future? It’s not completely up to me, but based on your transcripts and even your unique background, so far my recommendation is to admit you. You still have plenty of time to change my mind.”

Noelle sighed and sat back down. This had taken a turn that she didn’t see coming. The whole time it felt as if this man was teasing her; really that might have been partially true. Still, he was interested and Noelle was one step closer to continuing to pursue her dream.

“I’m game,” Noelle joked. “Where should we begin…?”

AJ was surprised to have a voicemail from Noelle waiting for him when his plane landed that afternoon. He was more surprised by the actual message that was behind that little red notification number.

“Hey, Alex, it’s Noelle. I remember you saying that you were getting back to LA sometime today and since I’m in town I was hoping you’d have time to take your baby sister to dinner,” Noelle sing-songed cheerfully through AJ’s voicemail. “Anyway, give me a call back on my cell when you land.”

For a fleeting moment, AJ wondered what kind of trouble Noelle had gotten herself into this time. The last time that she’d surprised him with the fact that she was in California, he’d learned that she was running away from her life and ended up in bed with his friend. AJ laughed to himself at his suspicions. Noelle sounded like she was in way too good of a mood to be running away from anything. Secretly, that kind of worried him too.

He called Noelle back as soon as he was out of the airport.

“Hey, Noah,” AJ greeted when Noelle answered the phone. “I’m not sure that I want to know, but what are you doing back in LA?”

Noelle laughed softly. She had a feeling AJ would think that he was going to be hiding a fugitive; her just showing up at his doorstep hadn’t gone so well in the past.

“I’m here for productive reasons this time, Alex,” Noelle answered with a hint of humor in her voice. “Are you busy tonight? I was hoping that I could swing by, but I understand if you’re tired or whatever.”

“No, of course not. You can come by whenever you want. Wait, let me guess, you’re already there aren’t you?” AJ joked, teasing her about breaking into his house while he was overseas months earlier.

“No,” Noelle answered. “I’m actually not. I thought that you’d be smart enough to hide the key better this time around.”

“Well, where ever you’re staying, check out and come hang with me. The house is plenty big enough,” AJ insisted. He moved on before she had a chance to argue with him. “So, what are these productive reasons that you’re in town? Nick’s single. Are you tracking him down?”

“Ouch,” Noelle replied, slightly taken aback. “That was kind of low.”

“Sorry,” AJ said. “I was really just kidding. I guess it’s too soon?”

“Way too soon,” Noelle answered.

“Sorry,” he repeated. “Let me start over. What are these productive reasons that you’re back in town, Noelle? Period.”

Noelle laughed. “That’s better. I took your advice, and I had an interview at a school, actually. I’ll tell you all about it when I get there. Will you be home in an hour or so?”

“Sooner than that,” AJ replied. “I’ll see you soon, and I’m proud of you.”

Noelle smiled. “Don’t be proud yet. I’m going to stop by the store and grab a few things. We’ll actually cook dinner. I’m sure that you’re sick of eating out by now, right?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.” AJ’s stomach growled at the thought of a home-cooked meal. “That actually sounds really great.”

“Good,” Noelle said. “I’ll see you soon.”

AJ threw his phone down on the car seat next to him and smiled to himself. Noelle seemed like she was faring way better than Brian was with everything that had gone down. Maybe Brian’s situation was just more complicated, or maybe Noelle was a better actor than AJ gave her credit for being.

***

Across the country in Georgia, Brian was finally unpacking his suitcases. He had a huge pile of laundry on one side of him and a messy pile of supposedly clean clothes on the other. He sighed and laughed humorlessly at the work that he was going to have cut out for him. In the past, Leighanne would have done the laundry for him. Now, it didn’t feel right expecting that she would.

Brian pulled the suitcases down off of the bed and shoved the smaller suitcase into the larger one for storage. He zipped the larger suitcase and took it into the closet. As he lifted the bags to put them on their designated shelf, a stack of pictures that he’d forgotten he had fluttered out onto the floor. Brian stored the suitcases and then bent over to pick up the pictures.

A sad smile lifted to his face as he flipped through the small stack of photographs that were taken by their tour photographer. Some of the pictures were of him and the guys goofing around backstage at one time or another, but most of the pictures were of him and Noelle. There was one from when they were ‘just friends’ hanging out backstage, Brian attempting again to show Noelle the chords on the guitar. There was one of a silly moment where Noelle had leaned over to kiss Brian’s cheek and he had pretended to be embarrassed by the gesture. And there was his favorite one from after they had started dating. They were on the bus, leaning together cheek to cheek. There were happy grins on their faces and the twinkle of love in their eyes. They were so relaxed, so happy in that moment.

Brian continued flipping through the other pictures with a sigh. He knew that he needed to get rid of the photographs. That was the final step in purging himself of everything Noelle. He walked over to the covered garbage can in the bathroom. He stepped on the foot pedal to open the lip and threw the photographs inside, and then he walked back into the bedroom.

He paused at the door to the bathroom and glanced back at the closed garbage can.  There was a panic growing inside of him at the thought of letting those moments go. Without another moment’s hesitation, he went back into the bathroom, grabbed the photos and stuffed them back into the suitcase. If Leighanne found them there, he could just pretend like he didn’t know they existed. Out of sight, out of mind, but at least they weren’t going to be gone forever.

Leighanne walked into the closet just as Brian was throwing the suitcases back onto the shelf. She wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and kissed his shoulder softly.

“What are you doing in here?” Leighanne asked as Brian turned around guiltily to face her.

“I was just unpacking,” Brian replied, wrapping his arms back around her.

“Judging by that laundry pile on the floor, that’s what I assumed,” Leighanne laughed and pulled away. She walked over to the pile and began scooping up her husband’s dirty clothes and throwing them into the laundry basket.

“You don’t have to do that,” Brian started, but Leighanne stopped him.

She rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Of course I’m going to do the laundry. I always do the laundry.”

Leighanne picked up the laundry basket and walked over to Brian. She leaned up and kissed him softly. “I’m glad that you decided to stay here rather than keep up with that whole separation thing. I know that it would be easy to live in separate places while all of this marriage counseling and everything is going on, but I’m glad that you aren’t.”

Brian smiled and nodded his head slowly. “I’m just glad that you’re still alive and that we have the chance to try to sort this out.”

Leighanne tried to smile, but it fell flat. Brian took the laundry basket from her and followed her into the laundry room. He dropped the basket onto the floor and then walked out to give her the space that he knew she liked in the small space.

Leighanne sighed as she started to load the washing machine with her and Brian’s clothing. His last comment was running through her mind. What she’d done had happened weeks ago by now, but she knew that Brian would never forget. She didn’t want him to be with her simply out of guilt; she hoped that soon the entire mess would be behind them.

Leighanne stopped loading the washing machine when a pair of women’s underwear fell out of the tangled mess of Brian’s clothing. It was a black, lacy pair of boy-short cut panties. Leighanne couldn’t do anything but stare down at the pair of underwear that she knew wasn’t hers. She felt foolish when tears came to her eyes, but it was easy to pretend that Brian hadn’t been—or even still wasn’t—in love with someone else when he was at home with her making promises. But to see those panties mixed with Brian’s clothing was a slap in the face. All of the memories came flooding back—the hopelessness she felt when Brian told Noelle how he felt about her, the life that Leighanne had seen that Noelle and Brian were starting together.

Leighanne wiped her tears quickly and picked up the underwear from the floor. In one fatal swoop she threw the lingerie into the garbage can, hoping that the gesture would rid her of the memories as well. It was in that moment that Leighanne realized how much she and Brian were avoiding. They could only push their problems and the past into the background for so long before the whole façade blew up in their faces. Leighanne knew now, more than ever, just how badly she and Brian needed as much marriage counseling as they could get.

***

“So,” Noelle laughed along with AJ as she regaled him with the story of her interview. “He told me that he knew that Rob was a jerk and laughed about you being a Backstreet Boy. I stood up at that point ready to give up on that interview and a little frustrated that he wasted my time just so that he could get his jollies hearing all about my problems, but then he told me to sit down because he was actually impressed with me and that there was a lot more time for me to mess it up.”

“That’s hilarious,” AJ said as he swiped the vegetables that Noelle was cutting for the stir fry she was cooking. “So then what happened?”

“He told me that he was going to recommend me to the board. There’s a whole process beyond that so I’m not completely in yet,” Noelle finished quickly. She smacked AJ’s hand away from the vegetables when he reached in again. “Will you stop that?”

AJ shoved a piece of broccoli in his mouth. “Sorry, that was the last one. Don’t doubt yourself. You’re totally gonna get in.”

“Don’t jinx me, Alex,” Noelle laughed. “The dean was very amused that my brother is a Backstreet Boy. I may need you to get together an impromptu performance for him if I get in.”

AJ laughed. He had to admit that it was good having Noelle around. He grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and decided to change the topic a bit. “That would mean running into Brian again.”

Noelle sighed and threw everything into the pot on the burner. “Well, I figure that we’ll run into each other again eventually. I should probably get used to the idea.”

“Noelle,” AJ replied talking to the back of her head from across the island counter in the center of his kitchen. “Are you really that okay with everything? I mean, I know that it’s been a couple months, but it’s not like you’ve been dating or anything. You loved him. It’s okay to be upset about how everything changed.”

“I know,” Noelle replied. She inhaled deeply and then continued speaking, “It was hard letting him go, especially since neither of us really wanted to walk away. It would be harder if everyone was tip-toeing around it, I guess. He’s a part of your life which means that if I’m going to be in your life, indirectly, he’s going to be a part of my life. See?”

AJ knitted his eyebrows in confusion. “Um, I think so.”

“Look, I love Brian,” Noelle stopped and corrected herself, “loved Brian. I loved Brian. But I’m moving on with my life and so is he. I knew that there was no way that it was going to last, anyway.”

Both AJ and Noelle fell quiet as Noelle continued to work the stir fry. After a second, she continued with a sigh, “But it would have been really great if it had.”

AJ glanced at Noelle as she mindlessly stirred the mixture of chicken and vegetables. He walked over to his sister and pulled her in for a hug. “It’s all going to work out for the best, Noelle. It won’t hurt forever.”

Noelle wiped away her stray tears and laughed at her own emotion. “You promise?”

AJ smiled. “I promise.”

The weeks passed by slowly. Christmas came and went, then new years, and another lonely Valentine’s Day for Noelle.

Back in Florida, Noelle was procrastinating. She had heard back from the medical school admissions board at USC and had been admitted to their program for the upcoming fall semester. Currently, she had a number of tabs open on her Internet browser. She was supposed to be registering for classes and packing her apartment for her move across the county, but instead she was perusing the gossip websites. With the little packing that Noelle had done, she was already realizing that she had way too much stuff. She wanted to throw everything away and just start over. That would be easier than shoving everything she owned into a box.

Alex hated her habit to read Perez Hilton’s website or TMZ, but though her brother was a part of that world, she couldn’t help but to be fascinated. It wasn’t so much the celebrity that fascinated her; Noelle was convinced that it was the girl in her. Other people’s lives fascinate women whether they were willing to admit it or not. Noelle had no problem admitting that she had a problem.

As she scrolled through the pages reading about whatever drama Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan were getting themselves into, she stopped dead when she ran into an article and video about the Backstreet Boys.

‘Backstreet Boy and wife work their marriage out – because she wants it that way’.

Noelle rolled her eyes at the cheesy headline and read through the article.

Backsteet Boy Brian Littrell announced late last year that he and his wife of almost ten years, Leighanne, were parting ways. This afternoon, the seemingly estranged couple were seen leaving the offices of Dr. George Dalton—an Atlanta area marriage counselor and family therapist.

Apparently, their problems weren’t ‘Larger than Life’ because this Backstreet Boy’s back—in his wife’s pants. Okay, even we can admit to a bad joke. Moving on.

As a side note, Brian began dating band mate AJ McLean’s sister, Noelle, while separated from his wife. They parted ways before the end of the Backstreet Boys’ last world tour.

Calls to the Backstreet Boys’ representatives were not immediately returned for comment.

Noelle sighed and shut her laptop closed. Suddenly, she was thinking that Alex was right about reading the gossip pages; it would bring nothing but trouble.

TMZ was late anyway. Brian and his wife had been back together for at least six months. Sometimes, Noelle tortured herself by wondering how things were going. Were they back in love? Were they sharing passionate love-making sessions? Did Brian realize that Noelle was just a distraction and that he’d never loved her like he thought that he did?

She groaned and put her head in her hands, embarrassed to even be thinking that way six months later. Based on the picture that accompanied the article, Brian looked fiercely protective of his wife and of his relationship. He was shielding her from the paparazzi, shooting the photographers an angry glare. Noelle wondered how long it would take the media to get Leighanne’s medical records or a comment from an unnamed source about what really went down. Noelle honestly hoped for both Brian and Leighanne’s sakes that would never happen.

There was a sudden knock at the door and Noelle was glad for the distraction. She got up from her desk and made her way to the front of her small apartment. She looked through the peephole and froze. Noelle stood behind the door for a second contemplating not opening it at all. When the knocking continued, Noelle knew that he wasn’t going to go away.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and opened the door. There, standing on her stoop, was none other than Dr. Robert Matheson.

“What are you doing here?” Noelle greeted without a hint of false pleasantries.

Rob peeked into the apartment and noticed her stacked boxes. “I see the rumors are true?”

Noelle groaned. “About me? They usually are.”

Rob smiled. “You’re really moving.”

“I am,” Noelle nodded slowly. “Is that what you came here for? To make sure that you pushed me out of town permanently?”

“Noelle, you know that I cared about you. I still do,” Rob took a step closer to her, trying to inch his way into the apartment, but Noelle held her hand out to keep him at a distance.

“Look Rob, this isn’t going to go anywhere. Can you please just leave?” Noelle asked strongly. She’d stopped thinking of Rob a long time ago and wished that he would stop popping up randomly, especially when she was feeling weak.

“Noelle, you’ve been through some things. You’ve dated two married men in high profile ways. Why didn’t you tell me that your boyfriend was really a superstar that day at the restaurant?” Rob stopped and shook his head. “I guess that’s because he really isn’t anymore. Anyway, only one of those two men has real intentions of leaving his wife.”

Noelle laughed humorlessly. “Rob, you’ve been saying that for close to two years now. Listen, I loved Brian. I just thought that I loved you, and you really don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.

Now, listen carefully because I’m only going to say this one more time. Get out of my life. You did a lot of really awful things, but I forgive you because really I don’t think that you know any better. So please, move on to your next conquest and leave me out of your future memoir. I’m moving to California, and I’m going to go to a great medical school and learn about fertility and obstetrics from doctors who actually respect me and who can actually teach me things. Now go.”

“Noelle, please—” Rob continued, but Noelle cut him off.

“That’s enough, Rob. This obsession with getting what you can’t have has gone on long enough. It’s verging on creepy, so if you’ll please stop keeping tabs on my life, that’d be awesome too.” Noelle stepped back and slammed the door in his face.

She was sure that he’d only have more awful things to say about her in the future. He’d do whatever he could to discredit her later on down the line when her work actually rivaled his own, but for now she was satisfied that she told him to leave without the emotion attached to her words. The truth was that after she experienced what she experienced with Brian, what she thought she had with Rob was inconsequential; it was puppy love.

Knowing that, Noelle knew that nothing that Rob could do could truly hurt her anymore. With a self-satisfied smirk, Noelle went back to packing her boxes. There was no more time to put off leaving the sleepy, retirement community of Gainesville, Florida behind forever.

***

Slowly, Brian and Leighanne’s life together was turning into a routine. They were back to being friends. They had stopped fighting because they both knew where the other stood. Brian and Leighanne had gotten comfortable with the way that things were. They knew that they had problems, but avoiding them was starting to seem like the best solution.

Soon, Brian and Leighanne would be leaving Atlanta again and heading back to their home in Los Angeles where the Backstreet Boys were set to record for their new album. Throughout the months, Brian had flown back and forth to LA for a couple of days at a time to lay down vocals, but at this stage in the game, it was time for them to get together and finish everything up.

Brian and Leighanne’s therapist, George Dalton, had recommended that they continue their marriage counseling once in California and had even recommended a therapist to see. Apparently, they still needed that much help.

Day after day, Brian had been working feverishly writing and recording songs that he hoped would make it onto the album. He’d had a sudden burst of inspiration, but he didn’t know if the others would appreciate the semi-depressing nature of the music that he was writing. Diving into his work had always been a coping mechanism for Brian. Things still weren’t right at home. If he holed himself up in his personal studio, he wouldn’t have to deal with the pressures of married life. This time, he thought that Leighanne was even grateful that he wasn’t always around.

While Brian worked, Leighanne packed them for the move. They would be gone for a few months, so certain areas of their country home had to be closed off. Certain items needed to be stored away, and there were plenty of things that Brian and Leighanne needed to remember to bring with them.

They’d had their home in Los Angeles since before they’d gotten married. The home had been Brian’s bachelor pad. He hated staying in hotels and since he used to spend about half the year in Los Angeles, he’d bought himself a much too spacious house for a single 20-something-year-old. The house was furnished, the kitchen was fully functioning and the closets were even loaded with clothing—mostly with items from the 90s that Brian and Leighanne would never wear again and that probably needed to be donated to a charity or thrown away after all this time.

Leighanne much preferred their home in Atlanta, but she understood that when your husband is an international celebrity you have to make sacrifices sometimes, and it’s not that easy to pack up a house and move it across the country. Brian loved the house in Los Angeles. Leighanne had wanted to get rid of it when they first got married, but Brian put his foot down. She guessed that the home had some kind of sentimental value and decided not to push the issue.

Leighanne went into the closet and pulled out her and Brian’s large suitcases from their place in the closet. She jumped when a bunch of papers and photographs flew out of the side pocket of the bag that Brian had used last year for the Unbreakable tour. Tentatively, Leighanne leaned down to pick up the photographs. She flipped through the pictures slowly, smiling at the silly outtakes of the Boys’ backstage antics.

Her smile fell when she came across photo after photo of Brian and Noelle. It was starting to seem like Noelle was around every corner in the darkest part of Leighanne’s life, but at this point Leighanne didn’t have the fight left in her to be angry at Noelle for existing anymore.

In Leighanne’s mind, Brian’s time with Noelle was a fling; it was a brief love during a time that Brian needed companionship. Seeing the look on both of their faces brought Leighanne crashing down to reality. Brian was actually happy with her.

In therapy, George knew that Brian had been in a relationship while he and Leighanne were separated, but he had decided not to spend much time talking about it because it was in the past and if Brian and Leighanne had agreed to move past it, they weren’t going to keep bringing it up and opening wounds. At the time, Leighanne was glad not to have to remember the pain of Brian being with someone else and not to have to listen to Brian talk about it. Now, she wished that George would have wanted to talk about it. Maybe Leighanne wouldn’t have been trying so hard had she known just how truly over it all Brian had been.

Or maybe she just should have listened to her when he had tried to tell her.

Leighanne left the security of her and Brian’s bedroom and headed toward the studio thinking that maybe it was time for them to really talk. She let herself in quietly. Brian was in the recording booth; the control room was empty. He was sitting behind the piano, playing softly and singing a song that he should have long since forgotten:

Here we are seven days and seven nights of empty tries
It’s rituals, habitual but it’s never gonna work this time
We’re to the point of no return and along the way the other thing we’ve learned is how  to hurt each other
I’m looking back and wondering why it took so long to realize that nothing’s changed it never will all these years of standing still
And still we stay in all this pain and nothing’s going to make it go away

I don’t want to wait another minute put me out of my misery
I can read your mind baby you’re not in it and we’re not what we used to be

As Brian trailed off and quit singing, he looked up and saw Leighanne standing in control booth. He jumped, not expecting to see her there. He wondered if they were going to get into a huge fight or if Brian could talk his way out of singing a song to himself that he had vocally proclaimed that he didn’t like to sing.

Brian stood from the piano bench and made his way out of the recording booth.

“What’s up?” he greeted as he approached Leighanne.

Leighanne tried to smile and appear unaffected. More and more, the fragile shell on the outside of her marriage was crumbling. “I thought that you hated that song.”

Brian laughed softly. “I do. I’m just having a bit of writer’s block, I guess. Did you need something?”

Leighanne gripped the pictures of Brian and Noelle in her hand as she realized that she didn’t even want to get into some long drawn out conversation that would only lead them full circle. She put her hands on her hips and sneakily stuck the pictures that Brian hadn’t noticed that she was holding into her back pocket.

“I was just packing and realized that you didn’t have a suit…” Leighanne tried to recover quickly, though she knew that she was failing. “I was just wondering if you wanted the green tie or the blue one.”

Brian looked at her skeptically. “Um, whichever. You know I don’t really care about stuff like that. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Leighanne replied in a chipper tone. “I’m fine. I guess I just logged too many packing hours and have stopped being able to make even the simplest decisions.”

She laughed softly and backed her way slowly out of the room. “I’ll let you get back to work.”

“Yeah, okay,” Brian replied, still looking at her curiously. He knew that there was more of a reason that she came looking for him, but she was acting strangely and Brian just wasn’t in the mood.

Leighanne made her way back up the stairs, feeling stupid. Though there was a panging in her heart, Leighanne didn’t cry. She was pretty sure that her tear ducts were empty after all of this time. Brian was doing the best that he could for her, but the question now was whether Leighanne was willing to live with half of his heart.

With a sigh, Leighanne stuck the photographs that she never should have seen back into the pocket in Brian’s suitcase where they would simply remain another ‘secret’ in the couple’s not-so-happy marriage.

Finally, Noelle was moved into her new apartment in Los Angeles. With the help of AJ, she’d found a great place in a nice neighborhood close to the university. The apartment complex was gated and secure. There was a pool and the driveway into the complex was lined with palm trees.

So, really. It was just like being in Florida. Except not.

Earlier in the week, Noelle’s parents had helped her to load up a moving truck that her father drove across the country. Emily and Noelle followed in her car. It was a three day car trip—with stops included—and it had been a virtual nightmare. Her father complained the whole way about the traffic and bad drivers. He was the one in the huge truck that he probably should have needed a special license to drive, but it was everyone else on the road that was going to get someone killed.

When they got to LA, Noelle’s dad and mom, Emily and Alex helped to move the boxes and furniture into the third floor walk-up apartment. Within a couple of days her parents were gone, and it was just the three of them. Noelle loved her parents, but she was glad that they were out of her hair; her mom had the tendency to be overbearing while her dad was turning into a prototype for the ‘grumpy old man’.

Noelle went with her parents to return the moving truck to U-Haul, and then brought them to the airport to see them off to their flight back to West Palm Beach where Noelle had grown up and where her parents still lived.

When she arrived back at her apartment, Alex and Emily were sitting on the couch closely together. They had hooked up Noelle’s television and DVD player and were watching one of the sappy romantic comedies out of Noelle’s super-lame library of DVDs. Alex had his arm wrapped around Emily’s shoulder; Emily’s legs were crossed at the knee and she was leaning into him. They had just met for the first time a few days earlier, but they seemed to be hitting it off pretty quickly.

It was kind of cute, but honestly, it made Noelle a little sick. And that wasn’t just because she was turning into a bitter old maid. It was because Alex was her brother and Emily was her best friend. Forgetting about the irony of the situation, Noelle thought that a relationship between the two could make for awkward times later if things didn’t work out. She was borrowing trouble, but focusing on other people’s potential relationship woes was surprisingly refreshing.

She watched as Emily laughed at all of Alex’s lame jokes about the movie, and as Alex reached up and brushed the hair out of Emily’s eyes.

“So,” Noelle broke in, setting her purse down on the box that they were currently using as a coffee table since hers had gotten lost somewhere along the way. “Are you two going to make out already or what?”

Emily blushed and shot Noelle an annoyed glance. She pulled away from AJ awkwardly as if she hadn’t even noticed Noelle walk in.

“I hate you,” Emily shot at Noelle with a playful, yet embarrassed glare.

“Yeah, well,” Noelle replied with raised eyebrows. “You wouldn’t even be the first one this year to tell me that, so…”

AJ and Emily exchanged a glance and then AJ turned to Noelle. “Look, don’t get all jealous just because I’m flirting with your friend, Noelle.”

“I’m not—” Noelle started to reply, but she was cut off when Emily started speaking.

“Aw, you’re really flirting with me?” she gushed.

Noelle just stared at her blankly.

“Yeah, wasn’t that obvious?” AJ asked, a big grin plastered onto his face.

“Yes—” Noelle started again, and again she wasn’t able to finish.

“Shut up, Noelle. No one asked you,” Emily replied without ever looking at her. She was smiling back at AJ. “So, does flirting ever include dinner or an actual decent movie in a theater?”

“Hey! This is an excellent movie,” Noelle spoke quickly so that she could actually finish her thought.

Noelle shot a glance at the television; they were watching one of her favorites. It was a sort of Cinderella story. Star-crossed lovers. Boy meets girl, but they lead different lives so she disappears. The boy has to come find her, proving that he loves her and doesn’t care about anything or anyone else who’s in their way.

This time, AJ and Emily both ignored her.

AJ laughed huskily. “Tomorrow night? We can leave Noelle to this mess, and I’ll show you around LA?”

Emily nodded eagerly. “It’s a date.”

“You know he can’t drink, right?” Noelle interjected. “So, it’s not like he’s going to take you to all those quote-unquote ‘cool’ LA bars.”

She was being a bit snippy, but they were blatantly ignoring her and that wasn’t cool. If that was a sign of what was to come, she just wasn’t having it.

“Noelle,” AJ replied slowly. “Not everyone needs alcohol to date.”

“Ouch,” Noelle responded. “That was harsh on a lot of levels there, brother.”

“He speaks the truth. You do tend to get yourself in trouble when alcohol is involved,” Emily piped in, laughing.

“Okay, you two can date, fine—”

“I don’t think that we were asking your permission, sister,” AJ jumped in with a smirk. He loved seeing Noelle squirm. Maybe now she understood how he felt seeing her and Brian together. “You didn’t ask if you could date my best friend.”

“BUT,” Noelle continued, ignoring AJ’s comment and crossing her arms over her chest. “You can’t gang up on me. That’s just not fair.”

Emily laughed. “Are you feeling left out?”

“I’m feeling grossed out,” Noelle replied, but she couldn’t help but to smile back at her friend.

She never knew Emily to be so forward when it came to taking charge and asking a guy out or at least telling him that she wanted to be asked out.

“Maybe I should tell him which Backstreet Boy you used to have on your walls as a teenager?” Noelle teased.

Emily glared at Noelle, trying to read her bluff. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would,” Noelle shot back laughingly, knowing that she actually wouldn’t say anything. She might be bitter about the mess that she’d made her own love life, but she wasn’t going to go around embarrassing her friend with inconsequential nonsense.

“I don’t care which Backstreet Boy she had on her walls when she was a kid because she’s going to have this Backstreet Boy in her bed as an adult,” AJ quipped, laughing at the expression on his sister’s face.

“Alex!” Noelle exclaimed, turning to Emily. “You still want to date him after that?”

“I was kidding,” AJ replied, still laughing. He turned to Emily too. “I was kidding.

Emily winked at him conspiratorially. “You only think that you were kidding.”

Noelle got up and left the room. “You two are gross and I hate you both.”

AJ laughed and then shared the same sentiment that Noelle had shared earlier, “You wouldn’t even be the first one to hate me this year, Noah.”

Noelle waved him off and walked into the kitchen to find the pizza flyers that she’d stored away. She was hungry and tired of playing the game Emily and Alex had roped her into.

Noelle gazed back at her brother and her best friend. She was sure that if they were at Alex’s and Noelle wasn’t around, they’d be making out already—probably with their clothes off. There was so much sexual chemistry in the room that Noelle was starting to feel uncomfortable even being there.

Despite it all, she couldn’t help but to smile at the adoring look each of them had on their faces. It was that look that a person gets when they meet someone and they’re taken with them. A look of hope for what could be, a look of lust, a look of love even.

Noelle missed that look. After almost a year, she still missed him.

Noelle shook the thought off, chalking it up to just feeling left out of the new AJ and Emily bubble. It was time for a new city, a new life, and a new drama to unfold around her; a drama that was hopefully not her own.

She was ready to be the trusty sidekick. She’d leave the boyfriend stuff to Emily. Noelle was settling in just fine with the thought of staying alone.

She glanced over at AJ and Emily again and sighed. Maybe she’d get a cat; it’s never too early to start being the crazy cat lady.

***

Week after week Brian and Leighanne continued to go into George Dalton’s office and spill all of their marital problems. They had sessions together and some sessions alone, which seemed to be counter-productive until Brian and Leighanne learned that the therapist was just going to tell the other everything they talked about anyway.

During their last session, George told them they had to remember why they fell in love in the first place. Leighanne was usually the one who took George’s advice to heart. It’s not that Brian wasn’t invested in the therapy sessions; he was as invested as he could be.

Actually, he was more complacent. Leighanne was actually trying to take the therapist’s advice, but even she was starting to admit that things were different. Since she’d found the photographs that either Brian had been hiding or had forgotten were in his suitcase—Leighanne like to think that it was the latter, but she wasn’t that naïve—she was slowly coming to terms with the fact that maybe she was more afraid of starting over than she was of actually losing Brian. She loved Brian. She would always love Brian. It hurt her to think of losing him, but those pictures were proof that there was life after marriage if your marriage happened to be ending.

Brian had the opportunity to be happy again. In a more stable frame of mind, Leighanne doubted that Brian would ever be able to bring out that happiness in her again.

Leighanne was of the belief that happiness is a state of mind, not a destination. Right now, Leighanne’s state of mind wasn’t happy, and it didn’t look like the path that she was on was going to lead her to the land of “Happy”.

Still, she took Georges’ advice. Throughout the week, she had been pulling out the leftover photo albums that hadn’t been mangled during one of her crazy tantrums and found her and Brian’s wedding video. She had been flipping though the albums casually, but was waiting until Brian was free to look at them with her.

It wasn’t until a couple of days before they were set to leave Atlanta that Brian was relaxing on the couch watching SportsCenter, finally emerged from his submersion into the world of Backstreet. His mind was finally clear. He was feeling a little bit normal.

Little did he know that Leighanne was going to bombard him with bittersweet memories and completely stress him out all over again.

Leighanne bounced into the living room with her arms full of photo albums. Their wedding DVD was sitting at the top of the pile. When they first got married, they used to watch the video on their anniversary. It had been a few years since they let go of that tradition.

Brian glanced over at Leighanne as she plopped down on the couch next to him. The photo albums spilled off of her lap and onto Brian’s.

“What’s all of this?” Brian asked with a hint of a smile lighting up his face.

“These are all of our memories. George gave us an assignment,” Leighanne replied as she flipped opened the first album. “Now, we have to take a stroll down memory lane.”

“You always take everything that he says so seriously,” Brian teased. “You totally have a crush on our marriage counselor.”

Leighanne rolled her eyes and laughed softly. “I do not. He’s not telling us to do things to waste our time or for the sake of hearing his own voice. We’re paying him for a service and he’s giving us his advice. I say we take as much of it as we can.”

Brian smiled as he flipped through the albums. The photographs lined the pages ranging from the first day that they met on the set of a music video all the way through almost present days. It was heart breaking to see the light in the eyes of the younger versions of themselves. There was so much love in that relationship. Both of them were glowing with happiness and the spark was evident from the very beginning.

With each passing year, the light faded a bit more.

As Leighanne looked at the pictures with Brian, even she could see the difference. It wasn’t the same. They weren’t those people and they hadn’t been for a long time. In her mind, she compared the recent pictures of her and Brian with the pictures she’d found of Brian and Noelle. Leighanne and Brian looked like nothing more than friends. At this point, they probably really weren’t any more than friends, if that.

Brian grabbed the first album again. He pointed to the engagement photos that the couple had taken on the beach. “Remember this?”

Leighanne smiled softly. “How could I forget? It was one of my favorite days.”

“It was a good day,” Brian agreed wistfully. “What happened to those two, Leighanne?”

“They were young and naïve?” Leighanne guessed, exhaling a huge sigh that she felt she had been holding onto for far too long.

Normally, she would have said that they were the people in those pictures, but Leighanne was already having a hard time convincing herself of the same thing. It was funny to her how one minute someone could be completely invested in an idea, a person, a moment, and then just as quickly everything changes.

“I guess so,” Brian answered. “Do you really think we can get back to that?”

Leighanne turned the question over in her mind. Eventually, she shook her head. “I really don’t know anymore.”

Brian wrapped his arm around her shoulder and squeezed reassuringly, but he stayed silent.

“Can I ask you something?” Leighanne asked tentatively.

“Shoot,” Brian replied easily, not thinking about the one million dollar question that Leighanne had been holding onto.

“Do you still think about Noelle? Do you still wish that you were with her?” Leighanne asked, and then she held her breath.

She was waiting for Brian to explode. Noelle had come up briefly in their counseling sessions, but never privately. Leighanne had never even told Brian about the underwear she’d found mixed with his things after the tour ended, and she was still claiming to be ignorant to the pictures that were hiding in his suitcase.

Brian sighed. He thought about Noelle often. It had been almost a year since everything had fallen apart, but he hadn’t seen or spoken to her since they walked away from each other in the airport that night. Brian would never admit that there were times that he wished that things were different because it would be so counterproductive. It was hard trying to imagine what could have been. Wasn’t that part of the reason he and Noelle had decided to let each other go? So that he wouldn’t imagine what could have been?

“I really don’t know how to answer that,” Brian answered honestly. “But does it really matter? I’m here with you. I agreed to work on our marriage. If I wanted to stay with Noelle… if Noelle and I wanted to stay together, we would be together.”

Leighanne nodded, satisfied with his answer. The rational side of her could feel bad for Brian. Things had been hard for them in their marriage. They were steps away from divorcing, and he’d met someone whom he’d fallen deeply in love with very quickly. The selfish side of her wanted to gloat that he was there with her instead. She cuddled into Brian’s side and wrapped her arm around his waist.

Leighanne could feel the overwhelming sensation of loss and suffocation that Brian had felt last year creeping up on her. The thought of losing Brian, of being alone and starting over was terrifying, but for the sake of Brian and for herself, she was starting to think that maybe it would be better to set Brian free.

With tears in her eyes, Leighanne looked up at Brian wearily. “Hey Brian?”

Brian looked down at his wife and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. “Hmm?”

“I think that you should probably go back to LA alone.”

Later that week, Brian was in the studio listening to audio of some of the verses that he’d recorded over the last few days. Aside from himself, the studio was empty. At this point in their careers, they were lucky to be able to go into the studio, lay down vocals alone and only have to coordinate schedules later in the game when they had finishing touches to make to an album.

As it stood now, this album was close to being finished. They were set to continue working on it through September for a release in either late November or early December.

Brian was getting lost in the music that was floating from the speakers in the room. He’d recorded the song earlier in the week. The lyrics were distracting and soon he was lost in his own world.

You’re talking now am I’m hearing everything that you say, and I’m holding on as the rope frays and it’s dragging me along to my grave.

Brian looked down at his bare wedding ring finger, rubbing it idly with the thumb of his right hand. He hadn’t even seen the end coming. One day, Leighanne realized that it was over and everything that Brian had given up was for nothing. The principle was still the same. In the back of Brian’s mind, he knew that he’d done the right thing. He had proven that his marriage was over. He had no reason to look back and wonder ‘what if’?

But now, Brian didn’t even know what to think. The end of his marriage was sad, but he couldn’t say that it was going to be a mistake.

“I think that you should probably go back to LA alone,” Leighanne said as she pulled away from Brian and sat up straight on the couch. She wiped the tears from her eyes as Brian looked on confused.

“Am I missing something? I thought that you wanted to come,” Brian replied, missing the subtleties in what Leighanne was trying to say.

Leighanne smiled back at him softly. She reached over and took her hand into his. “Brian, you were right.”

“I was right about…?” Brian trailed off, still not completely understanding though he was starting to get an idea. He didn’t want to jump to the wrong conclusion and start a whole other mess of problems.

“Everything,” Leighanne said, shaking her head slowly. “You were right about everything. You’ve been miserable and I don’t want to be the one who makes you miserable. I can’t hold onto you anymore and the truth is that I was only holding on because I was scared to lose you. I didn’t know how to live without you; I still don’t know how to live without you. But for the sake of both of us, I have to try.”

“Leigh,” Brian replied with a long exaggerated sigh. “You didn’t make me miserable. We loved each other at one point. I hate that you tried to kill yourself—“

Leighanne spoke up, cutting him off, “That was stupid. I was feeling desperate and out of control and not like myself, and I did something really stupid and I’m sorry for that.”

She didn’t want dwell on the mistakes that she had made any more than Brian wanted to dwell on his own.

Brian tried to smile despite everything. He could feel the nerves rising in his body. This was the moment that he’d known was coming. He had agreed to work on his marriage, but when things still weren’t working after almost a year, he knew even Leighanne would have to know that it was time to throw in the towel.

“What changed?” Brian asked softly.

He looked up at Leighanne with tears in his own eyes. Whether he knew that it was right or not, forever was ending far earlier than he’d ever expected.

“Recently?” Leighanne asked as she pulled her hand away from Brian’s and wiped the tears that were falling down her cheeks. “Nothing, I guess. And that’s the problem. We weren’t fighting anymore, but we didn’t have a relationship either. I found those pictures last week, the ones that were in your suitcase.”

Brian sighed and looked away. “I tried to get rid of them. I just couldn’t.”

“You still love her,” Leighanne said. She meant it to be a question, but it came out more as a statement.

Brian nodded. This time the tears were falling down his cheeks. He knew that it was awful and he was a jerk for feeling that way, but he still loved her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean for everything to go this way.”

“I know,” Leighanne whispered back, her voice hoarse with emotion. “But I’m glad that you kept those pictures—for yourself and for me. While you were with Noelle, I held on because of the hope that I saw in your eyes and heard in your voice, but when I saw how happy that you were, I knew that look that I thought I saw on your face wasn’t hope for holding onto the past. You were looking into the future.”

“I wish that things were different,” Brian replied, finally looking up. “I really wish that we both still felt the way that we used to about each other.”

“Me too,” Leighanne responded honestly. “You are a good man, Brian. You stayed by my side when I needed you, but we both know that nothing’s going to change.  It’s time to move on. We’ve got to let go.”

A dead silence fell over the room as they turned the unexpected events of the day around in their heads. Finally, Brian looked up and smiled softly at Leighanne. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.

“I love you, Leigh. I’m always going to love you,” Brian said softly into Leighanne’s ear.

Leighanne held Brian back tightly. She clenched her eyes shut as he kissed the side of her head. It was the most sentimentally affectionate that he’d been in months, and it was when they were saying goodbye.

“I know,” she finally replied. “And I’m always going to love you too.”

And with that it was over. Leighanne was staying in Georgia and Brian was in Los Angeles alone where he was soon going to be taking up permanent residence.

The song that was playing in the background of the studio continued on as if it was the soundtrack to his thoughts.

I can’t feel without ya, you know I can’t deal without ya, and now I got a life without ya. It’s killing me… that we can be undone.

This time, though, the lyrics weren’t referring to Leighanne. They were referring to the one person that he hadn’t been himself without since they met. It had almost been a year and yet, he was still obviously pining over Noelle. He had to stop himself from thinking about her so much. How did he know that Noelle even thought about him at all?

AJ walked into the studio, but stopped in the doorway when he saw Brian staring blankly at the wall in front of him. The song had ended; the static that was now playing over the speakers filled the room. Part of AJ wanted to turn around and pretend like he had never come in, but then he saw Brian’s barren ring finger and wondered what the hell was going on now.

“You’re burning a hole in the wall over there, Bro,” AJ said as he walked further into the studio and took a seat next to Brian at the control booth.

Brian jumped when he heard AJ’s voice. He wondered how long had his friend had been there. He’d never even heard anyone come in.

“Leighanne and I are over, Man,” Brian replied, deciding to come clean right away. The last time that he’d tried to hide his marital problems, he’d only made things worse for himself.

“I’ve heard that before,” AJ said, unable to help himself.

Brian expelled a breathy laugh and shook his head slowly.

“It’s for real this time. She brought it up; we had a long talk. We’re going through the mediation process. It should all be done fairly quickly and without aggravation.” Brian laughed again and put his head in his hands. “And in one comment, I’ve turned my entire marriage into a business transaction.”

“Wow,” AJ said, ignoring the mini-meltdown that Brian was verging on. He took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “It’s really over.”

“Yep,” Brian replied simply. He echoed AJ’s cleansing breath and sat back in his chair. “It’s really over.”

“What now?” AJ asked.

Brian shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I’m moving out here, back into my house. My work is here. It makes sense.”

AJ nodded slowly. It did make sense. He wondered if he should tell Brian just who else lived in the area now. Just as soon as he’d decided against it, he opened his mouth and the words came out.

“Noelle just moved to town, you know,” he said.

Half of him was mentally kicking himself for saying anything; the other half was telling him that it was obvious that Brian and Noelle belonged together.

Brian shot him a confused glance. “What?”

“Yeah, she’s going to USC. She’s back in medical school. Or she will be once the semester officially starts in a couple weeks. She’s doing really good,” AJ finished. Then, he started to change the subject. “She actually just moved in last week. I’m kind of dating her friend, Emily.”

Brian had to laugh at the memory of when he and Emily had first met. “You and Emily, huh?”

“You know her?” AJ asked.

“We’ve met, yeah,” Brian replied. “You do know that she lives in Florida. How’s that going to work?”

“Stranger things have happened, Brian,” AJ answered, laughing. “She’s a cool chick. I like her a lot.”

“So, why are you telling me all of this?” Brian asked suspiciously, going back to the beginning of their conversation. He didn’t know whether AJ was trying to tell him to stay away from his sister or to go and track her down.

“Because I’m dating a cool chick and thought my friend would want to know?” AJ answered with confusion knitted in his brow.

Brian rolled his eyes. “Not that, Alex. You’re dating, Emily… kind of. Great. I’m talking about Noelle.”

“You called me Alex,” AJ replied, avoiding Brian’s question.

Brian put his head into his hands and sighed. “We’re talking about Noelle. Noelle calls you Alex. My bad, AJ. Now get back on track.”

“I don’t know why I’m telling you,” AJ replied honestly after another slight pause in conversation. “You were all depressed and things are now how they should have been last summer and that’s all.”

Brian smiled to himself. Part of him wanted to ask AJ where he could find Noelle so that he could go to her place and sweep her off of feet, but Brian knew that wouldn’t be right. Technically, that would put him and Noelle in the same position that they had been when they originally let go of everything that they had. Even if it was only going to be for a couple of months, Brian was still married. It wouldn’t be okay to drag Noelle into the middle of that again, even if she was still willing.

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, J,” Brian answered, thinking that he’d read what AJ was trying to say between the lines. “But nothing’s really changed. I’m still not divorced, and I’m not going to put Noelle in the middle of my disastrous life again. At least not now.”

AJ nodded in agreement with Brian. He was glad that at least one of them was thinking rationally. Dating again was making him into a hopeless romantic despite the best interests of his sister.

“So I guess I shouldn’t mention this conversation to Noelle?”

“I’m not sure it would matter if you did, but probably not,” Brian replied. He then hurried to change the subject before he could change his mind. “I’m sick of focusing on my love life; tell me all about yours…”

Brian leaned back in his chair, happy to listen to AJ regale him with all of the stories of his budding relationship with Emily. Little by little he was starting to feel the weight being released from his shoulders. Listening to AJ get excited about a girl that he met was making Brian realize how life didn’t have to be the way that he had been living. It didn’t have to be misery and tears and feeling bad when something that he had known was going to end actually ended.

When one door closes another door truly does open. Brian’s problem was that the door he was walking out of still wasn’t completely latched. As soon as it was, he was praying that the door he wanted to go through was still opened.

Chapter 45

It was late when AJ left the studio that evening. His conversation with Brian was weighing on his mind. He hated to get involved in other people’s business, but he couldn’t help but to wonder how Brian would have reacted if he had mentioned that Noelle had never moved on after everything that had gone down between them. Beyond that, he wondered how Noelle would react if he told her that Brian was in the physical process of getting divorced, that this time, it was really happening.

He knew that, at first, Noelle would pretend like she didn’t care. She would pretend that the news had rolled off of her like it was no big deal and she was completely over it, but eventually she would start making excuses for needing to meet him at places where she knew the other Boys would be. Randomly, she’d show up completely over-dressed, but looking beautiful. Noelle would have herself convinced that she wasn’t purposely trying to run into Brian, but he would be in the back of her mind and she’d want to know if he still cared about her too.

Eventually, AJ decided to abide by Brian’s wishes and not say anything. He needed to mind his own business. Meddling would just disrupt the natural order of things. AJ had his own love life to deal with anyway. He and Emily had obviously hit it off. He only had a couple of weeks left to hang out with her before she was going to be going back to Florida. They both needed to decide whether they were relationship material or if they just liked hanging out with each other.

On Emily’s last night in Los Angeles, they all decided to cook dinner at AJ’s house where Emily had ended up staying while she was in California. Later, Noelle would leave them alone for the night and then come back in the morning to go with AJ to bring Emily to the airport.

Emily looked over at AJ who was across the kitchen carefully reading over a recipe. His brow was furrowed in confusion; his lips were moving as he read the instructions. They’d decided to try to roast their own chicken. It turned out that a chicken was a complicated beast to clean.

“Are you sure that you don’t need any help over there?” Emily asked from her seat at the island counter. She swirled her red wine around in her glass and took a small sip, trying to hide her smile.

AJ glanced up and smiled back at her, and then looked back down. “I said I was going to cook you ladies dinner and I’m going to… as soon as I figure out what a giblet is and how to remove it without actually touching it.”

Emily laughed heartily and jumped up off of her stool. She’d helped her mother make roast chicken plenty of times in the past and had tried to tell AJ that cleaning a chicken was no joke. Most grocery stores will do it for you for free now, but AJ wasn’t having it.

She wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and kissed his shoulder. “Maybe we should wait for Noelle to get here. She’s the medical major. There are probably a lot of gross things she’ll have to touch before she’s finished with school.”

AJ laughed. He turned his head and kissed her over his shoulder lightly. “Have I told you how much I really don’t want you to go back to Florida?”

“Only about a hundred times,” Emily said softly, “but I don’t mind hearing it again.”

AJ turned around and wrapped his arms around her waist. “I really don’t want you to go.”

“I really don’t want to go,” Emily replied honestly. Besides the fact that she and Noelle hadn’t lived more than a few miles apart since they’d met at freshman orientation, her heart ached over the fact that she’d be living so far from AJ. Never in a million years had she thought that she’d actually end up dating one of the men from her favorite singing group as a teenager. Now that she was, the reality far outweighed any possibility that her 15-year-old mind could have dreamed—especially about a different Backstreet Boy.

“But,” AJ said when Emily didn’t continue. “We’ve got a plan. We’re going to see where this goes, right? I’m going to come down to Florida between recording and promotion. You’re going to visit in between all the time you have to spend researching for that thesis paper you’re writing. Then, after you graduate, we’ll see where we are.”

Emily nodded. “I like that plan. It just sounds so much easier than I know that it’s going to be.”

AJ smiled and leaned down to kiss her again. “It’ll be hard, but I have a feeling it’ll work out just fine.”

Emily smiled back at him and then pulled away from him. She reached around and grabbed the chicken and took it over to the sink. AJ started to open his mouth to protest, but Emily shot him a look and he never said a word.

“So, have you spoken to Brian anymore?” Emily asked after she’d gotten the chicken completely clean. AJ had told her about his and Brian’s first conversation and the dilemma he’d have afterwards.

“I’ve seen him a couple times. He’s doing okay. I guess that he got the final mediation date this week. It’s for sometime at the end of next month, I think.”

“I’m glad that he’s doing okay,” Emily said with a sigh. “He’s had a really rough year.

“Yeah, he ha—“ AJ started, but was cut off when Noelle swung through the kitchen door carrying a couple of bags of groceries that AJ had asked her to pick up for dinner.

“Who’s had a really rough year?” she greeted as she threw the brown paper grocery bags down onto the counter.

“We were just talking about Brian,” AJ said casually, peeking into the bags that Noelle had brought in and pulling out the items that he needed. He’d mentioned Brian to Noelle in casual conversation before. She was getting better about not visually flinching whenever his name came up.

“What’s going on now?” Noelle probed lightly, as if she couldn’t care less when, in fact, the opposite was true. Goosebumps rose across her arms when she thought about Brian, making the hair there practically stand on end. At least the tears had gone away; that was something.

AJ and Emily exchanged a glance. If he was going to tell her about Brian, now was the time. He thought better of the idea and shook his head. “He’s fine. He’s just having some issues with his house.”

That wasn’t a complete lie. When AJ had seen Brian the other day, Brian had mentioned that he noticed that his roof had a small leak. It wasn’t really a big deal at all. In fact, for a second, Brian and AJ had thought about trying to patch the hole themselves. That idea was quickly vetoed by rationale.

“Oh,” Noelle replied with a slight shake of her head, glad that it wasn’t something serious. Either way, she didn’t mind hearing about Brian on occasion—it was good to know that someone like him was out there somewhere in the world, that there time together hadn’t been some sick, long-lasting dream—but she certainly didn’t want to spend time talking about him. She walked over to where Emily was putting the final spices on the chicken. “How are things going with dinner? What do you need me to do?”

“The chicken is going to take a couple hours. So, we have plenty of time before anything else needs to get started,” Emily joined the conversation. “Want a glass of wine?”

“Sure,” Noelle replied.

AJ grabbed Noelle a wine glass and she poured for herself. She watched as AJ planted a soft kiss on the side of Emily’s head as he passed by on his way to the refrigerator.  

Noelle smiled as she took a sip of her wine. “I’ve made a decision.”

“Another one?” AJ joked as he reached into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, opting to be healthy, though the alcohol cravings still snuck up on him sometimes. “I don’t know how many more of your decisions that I can handle.”

Noelle rolled her eyes and ignored him. “I’ve decided that I like you two together. A lot.”

“Um, thanks?” Emily said, laughingly. “I’m glad that we have your approval?”

“I’m just saying,” Noelle laughed. “You’re ridiculously cute and I think that you should fall in love and give me lots of nieces and nephews.”

“Talk about pressure,” AJ muttered, playfully.

Emily shot him a smiling look and then shook her head at Noelle. “Let’s just take this one day at a time, okay?”

Noelle laughed and wrapped her arm around her friend. “Know what I like most about this combination?”

“I’m afraid to ask,” Emily replied, leaning her head against Noelle’s.

“It means that you’ll come and visit me a lot more often,” Noelle sighed without missing a beat. “I won’t have to deal with that whole separation thing for too long.”

“Do I have to remind you that we spent months of time away from each other while you toured the world with him?” Emily laughed.

Noelle pulled away and waved her off. “That was a million years ago.”

“It does feel that way, doesn’t it?” AJ piped in wistfully. “Either way, I’m glad I could be of service to you, Noah.”

AJ sloppily kissed the side of Noelle’s head and then walked around the island to where Emily had been sitting while he had tried to take on the chicken. He watched on as the two girls laughed with each other. One of those women was already one of the most important people in his life. He was starting to realize that the other was going to be added to that list quickly. He obviously liked Emily a lot and was quickly gather how easy it would be to fall head over heels, completely in love with her.

***

Across the country, Leighanne was trying to ignore the feeling of regret that was boiling in the pit of her stomach as she and her sister finished packing up the rest of Brian’s things. Leighanne knew that this was right. She knew that she and Brian were doing the right thing for each other, but it was so hard. The house felt so empty.

Suzanne didn’t really understand why Brian couldn’t do this himself. He was working, fine, but she hated the feeling that Leighanne was still taking care of him in some way. Leighanne had tried to explain that Brian had already packed all of his things once only to have the crazy version of herself unpack them.

Suzanne glanced at her sister from across the room as she taped up the final box and set it with the others. Someone was supposed to be coming to take Brian’s things to a storage facility the next day.

“So,” Suzanne spoke as she wiped the dust from her hands onto her jeans. “I ran into Michael Musso the other day.”

Leighanne rolled her eyes and smirked to herself. Her back was turned to Suzanne and she was grateful that her sister couldn’t see her expression. Michael Musso was her boyfriend before she’d met Brian.

“Oh yeah?” Leighanne replied. She could hear the laughter in her own voice.

“Yeah,” Suzanne continued. “He was asking about you.”

Leighanne rolled her eyes again. “Of course he was asking about me. What else do you two have to talk about?”

“Don’t be like that,” Suzanne said. “He’s going through a divorce too—“

“Suzanne!” Leighanne exclaimed. “You shouldn’t just be going around telling people about my personal life. You should know better than that by now.”

“Come on!” Suzanne yelled back. “It was Michael not TMZ and anyway, he told me to give you his number. He thought you could get coffee or something.”

Leighanne sat down on the floor and shook her head. “It’s too soon, Suz. I’m not ready to date. Not yet.”

“Brian doesn’t think it’s too soon,” Suzanne mumbled. She didn’t want to hurt Leighanne’s feelings, but she didn’t want her sister to be upset forever either.

“I’m not Brian,” Leighanne said strongly. “Brian checked out and he met someone. I’m just now at the point that he was at when he and Noelle met, Suzanne.”

“Now you’re on a first name basis with Brian’s girlfriend?” Suzanne inquired, confused. “What’s going on?”

“She’s not Brian’s girlfriend, I don’t think. And either way, none of this was her fault. I mean, even without Noelle in the picture look where we ended up. Here. Getting divorced. Right where Brian knew that we were going to be.” Leighanne sighed and shook her head. “I was really awful to her. I feel like I should reach out to her or something. I don’t know.”

“What?” Suzanne exclaimed. “That’s crazy. Look, even if you were awful to her, it was understandable at the time. Calling her and telling her that and trying to set her back up with your husband… that’s nuts. If it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen without your interference.”

“I just don’t want that on my conscience, especially when I’m setting foot out into the dating world again too,” Leighanne replied softly.

“Your conscience will be fine. Brian will move on and so will you… when you call Mike,” Suzanne said with a smile.

“I’m not calling Mike, Suzanne,” Leighanne reiterated with a grin. She was lucky that she still had family to rely on.

Suzanne shrugged. “Well, maybe he’ll call you.”

“Suzanne!” Leighanne screeched, amused by the situation. She threw the packing tape at her sister, but Suzanne ducked past it laughingly.

Leighanne had to admit that it was good to really smile again. Maybe things will finally start to feel good again, after all.

Chapter 46

Emily left the next morning as planned. Both Noelle and AJ brought her to the airport and walked her to the security gate. The goodbyes were emotional, as goodbyes always were, but AJ promised to visit as soon as he could and Noelle knew that she’d see her best friend again in a couple months when she came back from Florida with AJ.

With that, life was back in full swing. Within a few weeks, Noelle’s hectic school schedule started and AJ was thrown head first back into the world of Backstreet. The Boys only had a couple more weeks to finish the album before their release date was going to have to be pushed back. That meant a series of late nights with producers both alone and with the other guys.

In a coffee shop across the street from the Backstreet Boys recording studio, Noelle tapped her pen against her opened text book impatiently. Earlier in the evening, Noelle’s Embryology study group had met there to study for an upcoming exam. After speaking to AJ that morning, Noelle had agreed to ride with one of her group members to the café. AJ had promised that he’d be finished recording by dinnertime and that they would finally be able to have a meal together as their schedules had kept them from spending any time together since Emily left.

Now, it was almost 8 o’clock and all of her group members had long since departed. AJ had sent her a text message about an hour ago saying that his session was going to run late, but she hadn’t gotten anything since then.

She looked over her shoulder out the front window of the shop to make sure that AJ wasn’t finally crossing the street. With a sigh, she turned back toward her book. The shop was going to be closing in an hour. It was starting to look like she was either going to have to bust into that recording studio—regardless of who she was liable to run into—or catch a cab back home.

Without a second thought, Noelle decided to wait until 9 o’clock to make that judgment call. She propped her elbow up on the table and rested her head in her hand as she turned back to her books and continued to read and take notes. She was completely focused on the study material in front of her until she heard chiming coming from the door, signaling that a new customer had entered.

Slowly, Noelle glanced up. She locked eyes with the new patron and froze. His piercing blue eyes were intense, but as seemingly surprised to see her as she was to see him.

Brian.

It had been a year since she’d seen those gorgeous blue eyes, but they still were able to take her breath away. She turned and looked out the floor-to-ceiling window-front behind her to make sure that there wasn’t a gorgeous blonde woman waiting out on the street. It appeared that he was alone and in that instant, she couldn’t help but to wonder if AJ was up to this impromptu meeting after all.

Noelle watched as Brian ordered his coffee and then slowly made his way over to where she was sitting.

Nervously, Brian stirred the cream and sugar around in his new cup of coffee. Suddenly, he was like he didn’t need it. His every nerve ending was electrified. The object of his every dream, want and desire was sitting just a few feet in front of him. She was as beautiful as the last time that he’d seen her. Her hair was a little shorter and maybe a tad bit darker, but it could have appeared that way because of the blonde-overload that engulfed California. As he closed in on Noelle’s table, his heart thumped loudly in his chest.

“Hi,” Brian said casually when he approached. The word sounded hollow coming out of his mouth, but he didn’t know what else to say. He was lucky the words ‘hey, I’m still madly in love with you, let’s get married and have lots of babies’ didn't come out instead.

“Hi,” Noelle replied back, just as lamely. Her mouth suddenly felt really dry. She wanted to look away; she wanted to pretend like she uninterested, unmoved by his presence, but her eyes refused to take their gaze away from the man in front of her.

“May I?” Brian asked, gesturing down to the chair at the table across from her.

“Yeah,” Noelle said. “Of course, sure.”

Brian took a sip of his coffee, wincing at the pain as the hot liquid burned the roof of his mouth, and then cleared his throat. In his mind, this random meeting hadn’t been so awkward. “So, um, how have you been?”

“I’m good,” Noelle replied, brushing some of the hair out of her eyes. She gestured down at her books. “Back in school, studying… you know.”

“That’s really great,” Brian replied with a short nod. “I’m just recording, working on the new album and all that.”

“Right.” Noelle exhaled a deep breath. She closed her eyes, shook her head and decided to come right out with the assumption she’d made when she saw Brian enter the café. “Did Alex send you over here? ‘Hey buddy, grab us some coffee’ or something?”

Brian laughed softly and shook his head. “No, I haven’t even seen him. I was working with Red tonight, he’s working with Claude. It’s going to be a long night for him. He should be just getting into the studio now.”

Noelle groaned and shook her head, finally sitting up and leaning back against the cushioned back of the seat. “Are you serious? The asshole has had me sitting here for hours waiting to go to dinner and he’s not even close to being finished?”

Brian laughed again and shook his head. “Nowhere near it. I think he must be waiting for you to get tired of sitting here and storm the studio or something.”

Noelle leaned back and ran her hands through her hair with a sigh. “I guess I should call a taxi or something, then. Damn Alex.”

“You don’t have to call a taxi,” Brian spit out before he had a chance to catch the words. “I mean, I could bring you home. I’ve got a car.”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” she replied slowly.

“It’s just a drive home,” Brian urged, slightly annoyed that he was that reluctant to get in the car with him. “There’s no need to waste your money on a cab.”

Noelle started to refuse again, but then her phone buzzed on the table. It was a text from AJ:

Sorry, doesn’t look like I’m going to make it out. Come over here. We’ll order in. Know you’re afraid of big-bad-Brian, but don’t think he’s here.

Noelle sighed and closed the message. “Well, it looks like that about confirms that.”

“It’s just a ride home, Elle,” Brian repeated, using the shortened version of her name that melted her heart every time his voice uttered it.

This time, Noelle was nodding before she could stop herself. “Okay, fine. I don’t live too far from here anyhow.”

“Good,” Brian responded. “I’m parked across the street.”

Brian threw down some money for a tip as Noelle closed her text book and gathered her things. They both stood from the table and left the shop silently. When they were out onto the street, Brian reached out to take Noelle’s books from her arms, ignoring her disjointed, mumbled refusal of help. They crossed the street wordlessly. Brian opened the passenger side door of his rented BMW and let Noelle climb in. He gave her textbooks back and then closed her into the car before walking around the car and getting into the driver’s side.

“Where to?” Brian asked as he put the car in gear.

“I live off of 45th by the USC campus,” Noelle replied.

Brian nodded as he put the car in reverse. He slung his arm over the back of Noelle’s seat and turned to look out the back window as he backed up. Noelle could feel his body heat radiated from his arm that was inches from her shoulders. She sat tensely in the passenger seat until he dropped his arm back to the center console to put the car into drive and pulled out onto the highway.

Aside from the soft sounds of the radio, the pair stayed quiet. Noelle drummed her fingernails over the hard cover of her book as Brian tapped his thumbs on the steering wheel in beat to the song that was playing on the radio. In such close proximity to each other, it was starting to get hard to breath.

With a sigh, Brian was the first to speak again.

“Look,” he said. “I don’t want this to be awkward. Things have never been awkward for us. I hate that we’re having trouble holding a normal conversation right now.”

“It’s just been a long time, Brian,” Noelle answered without looking at him.

“Has that much really changed?” Brian shot back.

That was a loaded question if there ever was one. Whether either of them knew everything there was to know or not, some things had changed, but the important things had stayed the same.

“Not enough, I guess,” Noelle replied finally.

Brian glanced over at her. The words were on the tip of his tongue. His heart was screaming, Tell her, tell her everything but his mind was urging him, Not yet, it’s not the right time.

“I’m sorry,” Brian replied. “Maybe I should have just walked the other way tonight.”

“No,” Noelle said, quickly turning to finally look over at him. “I wouldn’t have wanted that at all. I’m glad to see you. Really glad. Too glad.”

All of the pain of the night that they’d said goodbye flooded Brian’s memories. All of the time that he and Noelle had lost missing each other for no reasons other than the fear of regret played like a silent slideshow in his mind.

Just as Brian was opening his mouth to say the words that would either change everything or nothing at all, Noelle started to laugh softly to herself. Brian stayed silent and waited for her to explain what she had found humorous.

“So, I heard that you’ve become a master twitterer,” she said after a second.

She had been searching her mind for topics of conversation. She remembered that AJ had mentioned something about the possibility of Brian being lonely one day. Apparently, he was on twitter overload and sending out twit-pics for fans to find him. Noelle thought that it was sweet that Brian wanted to give back to the fans. AJ thought it was slightly crazy.

“I chirp, actually,” Brian replied, playfully snarky. “Are you one of my followers or something?”

Noelle quickly shook her head. “No way. I’ve had enough people tell me what they think about in a public forum. I don’t need to subject myself to that again.”

Brian let out a small chuckle and shook his head. He could completely understand where she was coming from. At least he had more fans than haters. Sadly, he couldn’t say that about Noelle. Luckily, in this stage of his separation from Leighanne, things had managed to stay pretty well under wraps. Fans were still asking all about where Leighanne was and mentioning how thankful they were that we were working things out.

Yeah fans, so much for that.

Brian respectfully accepted their remarks, but didn’t comment back about the situation one way or another. If the media was going to find out about his divorce, it was going to be because of him this time, not because of some paparazzo or because of a fan with a big mouth.

“That’s my apartment complex up on the left,” Noelle said after another second of silence. “You can pull in right up front.”

Brian did as she instructed and then threw the car into park. He knew that she was going to be climbing out of the car and leaving him behind again a the emptiness that he’d felt in the last year without her would resurface instantaneously. He didn’t want to feel that loss again. He didn’t want her to walk away from him.

Tell her. Tell her.

Not yet. It’s not time.

Tell her.

No.

His inner monologue was yelling back and forth. He watched as she reached for the door handle. She was speaking, telling him thank you for the ride, but he wasn’t really hearing what she was saying.

Tell her. Tell her. Don’t let her go without knowing.

His heart was winning, but she was starting to leave the car. Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed her wrist to keep her from going any further. Noelle snapped back around, expecting him to say something, anything. Instead, he moved in slowly and planted his lips on hers. She tried to fight him for a moment, but her defenses quickly fell away. Noelle’s books fell off of her lap onto the floor of the car with a thud as she turned and wrapped her hands around Brian’s neck. Brian wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer and closer until Noelle had no choice but to jump over the console and into his lap.

Each of Noelle’s shoes fell to the floor at Brian’s feet with a thump as her legs dangled on each side of the steering wheel. Brian’s hands slid up her back under her shirt until they reached the clasp of her bra.

Suddenly, he had the urge to stop were this was headed. They were in a car in front of Noelle’s apartment complex, making out like horny teenagers. There were things to talk about, things to be discussed and if Brian didn’t tell her everything, he knew that Noelle would feel like a dirty slut again and all for nothing.

Noelle had stopped thinking a long time ago. She was enjoying the feeling of Brian’s hands on her body and the way his lips matched hers so perfectly. At that moment, she didn’t care about the repercussions. She moved her mouth down to the spot at the nook of his throat that she knew drove him crazy.

Before a single moan could escape his lips, Brian blurted, “Leighanne and I are getting divorced.”

With that, Noelle shot back down to Earth. She pulled back and sat straight up in his lap. Confusion was etched onto her face. She was trying to decide if he’d come to that conclusion during that moment of passion of if this was something that had already been decided.

Brian closed his eyes, mentally chastising himself for his being such a huge failure. “Maybe we should go inside and talk.”

Chapter 47

Brian reached around Noelle and opened the driver’s side door. Wordlessly, she swung her legs around so that they were hanging out of the now opened door. She reached down and grabbed her shoes from under Brian’s feet. She slipped them on, jumped out of the car and waited while Brian leaned over to grab her books from the floor of the passenger side.

As soon as Brian got out of the car, Noelle turned around and walked off toward her apartment. Perhaps irrationally, she was angry. All it had taken was one touch, one little look and she’d turned to butter. His lips just had to touch hers and she’d thrown everything aside—the fact that he was married, the entire reason that they’d broken up in the first place, her morals, her values—everything.

Noelle let them into her apartment and then stomped off toward the kitchen. She was suddenly parched. She needed some water. She needed anything that would keep her lips and hands occupied so that she wouldn’t feel the need to attack Brian all over again.

Brian sat at the counter and watched as Noelle opened the kitchen cabinets in search of a cup and then slammed them closed with a thud and a bounce. It was almost as if he could see the thoughts that were racing through her mind. He needed to say something and stop her before she talked herself into some crazy theory.

“You’re mad,” he started. He immediately recognized that it wasn’t the best thing to say, especially if he was trying to talk her out of being mad.

“No,” Noelle replied sarcastically. “I just dry humped a married man in the front seat of his rental car. I’ve moved on from my usual skankery to hardcore hooking!”

Brian couldn’t help but to sigh and shake his head. That was exactly the kind of thing he didn’t want her to talk herself into. Crazy theories. Skankery. Hooking.

“Like I started to say,” Brian said a second later, “we should really talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Noelle responded with a shrug of her shoulders. She brought her cup up to her lips and took a long sip.

“I beg to differ,” Brian argued. “I think that there’s a lot to talk about. Did you happen to hear me when I blurted that Leighanne and I are getting divorced?”

“Um yeah, Brian,” Noelle snapped back at him, “it’s not like that’s something I’ve never heard from you before.”

Brian rolled his eyes. That stung a little bit, but he tried to let it go. “The divorce is final in just a couple of weeks. Wasn’t this what we were waiting on? Work out our own shit and see what happens later?”

Noelle could feel her head shaking back and forth quickly. “It’s too late now. Everything’s changed.”

“I thought we just got done talking about how nothing has changed at all,” Brian argued. He couldn’t help but to wonder what had happened during the short trip between the car and Noelle’s kitchen to suddenly make her want to push him away.

“Maybe I don’t want to do it, Brian. Maybe I just don’t want it anymore… any of it.” Noelle clinched her eyes shut. Part of her hoped that he could see right through her. Another part of her wished that this whole night would have never happened. She could feel her heart tearing in two.

Brian stood up and slammed his hands onto the counter. “So what, then? It’s only okay to want me when I’m not available?”

“No,” Noelle shot back, but Brian wasn’t finished.

“I see what this is about,” he yelled, irrationally. He was upset and angry and confused. He wanted Noelle; he’d always wanted Noelle, and now she was pushing him away. He wasn’t going that easily. Not this time, not ever again. He wasn’t going to let someone tell him who he was supposed to love and how he was supposed to live his life. He wasn’t going to let someone dictate his life again. He and Noelle loved each other. It was in her kiss; it was in her eyes and her touch and he wasn’t going to let her do this.

“You’re scared. You’re scared of how much we loved each other. You’re scared of the pain that followed happening all over again, but let me clue you in, Noelle. This last year has been just as painful for me! I did what I was supposed to do as a man, but it was hard and it only proved what I already knew. My marriage is over. My marriage has been over for a long time, but in the meantime, I lost you and that’s been the most painful part of all of this.”

Noelle could feel the tears springing to her eyes. She bit her quivering lip and shook her head slowly from side to side. She averted her gaze, knowing that looking at him would cause the tears to fall. This was the moment that she had been waiting for. She had dreamed that Brian would come back and tell her that he loved her all along and that his marriage was over, but now that he had, all Noelle could think about was that he was right. She was scared out of her mind.

Slowly, Noelle brought her gaze back to meet Brian’s. Concern was etched onto his face. Noelle watched as Brian inched his way around the counter toward her. He stopped inches from where she was standing. He lifted his arm and brushed his hand through her soft hair. His hand stopped on the back of her head and he gently pulled her in. Noelle tilted her head up toward him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Gently, Brian pressed his lips against hers. It was a loving kiss, a kiss that he had missed so much, simple and warm. He pulled away when he felt Noelle’s tears hit his cheeks.

“You’re crying,” he whispered lamely as he wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“You were right,” Noelle sniffled. “I’m scared. I’m scared to lose you again. I’m scared to fall in love again. I’m scared that you won’t actually sign the stupid papers or that Leighanne won’t. I’m scared that someone will do something stupid again and change everything. I’m just … scared.”

Brian reached out and pulled her in again. Noelle leaned her head on his shoulder and he rested his chin on the top of her head. “I’m scared too, Elle, but none of that is going to happen. The papers are signed. I had to wait for Leighanne to get healthy enough to realize that our marriage is over and she has. In a couple of weeks, everything will be completely settled.”

“Why haven’t I heard anything in the news, Brian?” Noelle muttered. “If this is really happening, why hasn’t Alex said anything?”

“We’ve kept it out of the media, and I asked AJ not to say anything,” Brian answered.

“Why? Why would you ask him to keep that to himself?” Noelle continued to question, frustrated with Brian and Alex for keeping it from her for God knows how long.

“Because the truth of the matter is that I’m not divorced,” Brian replied. “I had this whole plan. I was going to get the papers signed and then come to you and tell you that I loved you and that I wanted to be with you. It was a complete coincidence that we ran into each other tonight, but I knew that I couldn’t just let you walk away without saying anything.”

“So, what does it all mean then?” Noelle said softly. “Where does that leave us?”

“It leaves us with two weeks,” Brian answered. “I get divorced officially on the fifteenth. I guess it leaves us where we were this morning.”

“So, what now? You walk out the door and we pretend like this entire conversation never happened?” Noelle pulled herself up onto the countertop with a sigh. She looked down at her feet as they dangled into front of her, softly hitting the cabinets below her feet. “I don’t want to pretend like you were never here. I don’t want to feel as empty as I felt yesterday and the day before that and every day since you left New York.”

Brian stepped toward her and put his hands around her waist. He leaned into her and pressed his forehead against hers. Their noses were touching; his lips ghosted hers.

“Tell me that you still love me,” he whispered against her lips.

“I will always love you,” Noelle replied without a moment’s hesitation.

Brian closed the small gap between their mouths and kissed her passionately. Noelle wrapped her legs around his waist and clung to him as if her life depended on it. She never wanted to let him go; she never wanted to be out of his embrace again. After all this time, and everything that they’d been through, he still loved her as if they hadn’t skipped a single beat.

As their kiss deepened, their emotions started to run away with them. Brian tore Noelle’s shirt over her head as she reached for the button of his pants and then discarded of his shirt as well. Noelle shivered at the feeling of his skin warm against hers. Brian moved his mouth from hers and trailed soft kisses down her neck and shoulders. Noelle leaned back on the kitchen counter as his mouth moved lower across her chest and down her stomach.

As he reached of the button of her jeans, she gasped, “Wait!”

Brian stopped and looked up at her, wondering why she could possibly want him to stop. He had never wanted to not stop more in his entire life.

“What’s the matter?” he asked when she didn’t explain right away.

“We want some things to be different this time, don’t we?” Noelle said as she returned to a seated position on the kitchen counter.

“Meaning?” Brian probed. Confusion still etched in his eyes.

“Meaning that, technically, you’re still married for a couple of weeks,” Noelle answered slowly. “I don’t want you to go, but we can’t sleep together either. Not yet. Not until things are official.”

“Are you serious?” Brian deadpanned in a monotone voice that was laced with disbelief. The truth of the matter was that she’d never turned him down before.

Noelle couldn’t help but to laugh at the look on Brian’s face. She slapped his bare shoulder playfully. “Yes, I’m serious. Two weeks. 14 days. Then, all of this can begin the way that it’s supposed to.”

Brian smiled. He realized for the sake of her own conscience, she needed to abstain from sleeping with a married, albeit an almost divorced, man. Her rationale made sense, but it didn’t make the fact that they were both almost naked in her kitchen any easier. He leaned down and picked up both of their shirts off of the floor. He handed Noelle’s to her and flipped his shirt right side in and slipped it over his head.

“Fine,” Brian sighed. “I guess you’re right.”

“I am,” Noelle said, though her body was fighting her, telling her just how wrong she was for pushing him away.

“I should go before you change your mind and hate me for being so sexy in the morning,” Brian laughed. He leaned in and kissed her softly despite her rolling eyes.

Noelle reached out and grabbed his hands. “Don’t go. Stay here.”

Brian smiled again. “You want me to stay here with you tonight?”

“Every night,” Noelle said with a grin that mirrored Brian’s.

“… but not rip your clothes off?” Brian continued.

“For two weeks,” Noelle answered, holding up two fingers to drive her point home. “Then, you can do all the ripping you want. For now, you just get to hold me all night long. And maybe do a little more of this.”

Noelle punctuated her sentence with another deep kiss. She’d always loved the way that Brian’s lips felt on hers. A night in bed with Brian, just kissing, sounded kind of perfect to her.

Brian scooped Noelle into his arms. “Which way to the bedroom, madam? We’re going to bed early tonight.”

Noelle laughed and pointed down the hallway toward her room. Brian pushed through the door and threw her down on the bed. She immediately jumped up and disappeared into the closet. Brian sat down on the bed and took off his shoes, t-shirt and jeans and then crawled under the covers to wait for Noelle to change for bed and then join him.

When Noelle reemerged, she turned off the lights and snuggled under the warmth of the blankets with Brian.

Instantly, Brian reached out and pulled Noelle and as close to him and she could be.

“I missed you, Beautiful,” Brian whispered into her ear.

“I missed you too, B,” Noelle replied just as softly, “more than you’ll ever know.”

Chapter 48

Brian and Noelle stayed up late into the night talking about where their lives had taken them in the last year and stealing the kisses that they had missed. Brian had explained how the end of his marriage had finally come to pass and asked questions about how she had ended up in Los Angeles despite their formulated plans coming to an unforeseen halt.

By the end of the conversation, they realized that despite the fork that they’d taken in the road, they ended up where they were supposed to be all along. Together.

The next morning, the sun that shone through the slits in the bedroom curtains woke Noelle. The smile that she’d adopted the night before was still planted firmly on her face. She inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of the man who was in lying pressed against her back. His arm was tucked tightly underneath hers; their fingers were intertwined.

Slowly, Noelle turned around to face him. Brian stirred as she slipped her long leg between his and wrapped her arm around his waist. He opened his eyes as Noelle nuzzled her head into the nape of his neck.

“I was afraid I’d wake up and have dreamed last night up,” Brian joked, kissing her cheek softly.

“Nope,” Noelle replied with a smirk. “The nightmare is still real, Buddy. You’re stuck with me.”

Brian rolled over onto his back and took Noelle with him; her body spread out across the length of his own. “I think that I can handle that.”

Noelle reached out and ran her hands through the curls in his soft, blonde hair. She leaned down and kissed him slowly, then pulled away before it could go any further than that. She was playing by her own rules, but damning herself for making the rules in the first place.

“So, what do you have going on today?” she asked as she pulled away.

“I have to be at the studio around noon,” Brian replied as he glanced at the clock to make sure that he hadn’t actually slept his session away. Luckily, it was only 9 a.m. “Who knows how long that’s going to take? You?”

“I have class at 10:30 and 2 and a lab from 6 to 8,” Noelle answered. It looked like the first day that they were speaking again was going to be spent apart.

“We’re all recording together this afternoon. I’m sure we’ll be there late. You should come by now that you’re not afraid of running into me,” Brian joked, though there was truth in the humor of the situation.

“It wasn’t you, per se,” Noelle argued. “It was the situation… and the wife.  I didn’t want her to hit me again.”

Brian laughed throatily. “Leighanne would not have hit you. She feels really badly about that, by the way.”

Noelle nodded and laughed to herself. “I know and I’m really not concerned about it. I’m glad she’s okay, actually.”

“You two could probably be friends if—“ Noelle’s laughing cut Brian off. “What?”

“Let’s take things one step at a time, okay?” Noelle replied. She leaned down to kiss Brian again. If she was going to make it to her class, she needed to get up and start getting ready. When her lips touched Brian’s, however, it was dangerously hard to pull away.

Brian and Noelle both jumped when they heard her apartment door slam.

“What was that?” Brian asked, curiously wondering who would be treating Noelle’s apartment as their own. Last time Brian had slept over at Noelle’s apartment, he’d met Emily. He was intrigued by the new possibilities.

Noelle immediately knew that it was AJ. She hadn’t answered his calls last night—for obvious reasons—but he probably thought that she was either angry with him or dead. He would probably be willing to kill her once he busted into her bedroom and saw Brian lying there.

She jumped off of Brian and closed her eyes. She’d decided to play dead, instead. Or rather, fake sleeping. She’d let Brian take AJ’s initial shock at seeing him in his sister’s bed—again.

Brian looked down at Noelle with a playfully amused expression. “What are you doing?”

“3…” Noelle started with her eyes still closed. “2… 1.”

As she finished counting down, Brian saw AJ come flying in through Noelle’s bedroom door.

AJ stopped in the doorway. He looked at his friend who was sitting up in Noelle’s bed with an annoyed, but thoughtful look on his face. He looked at Noelle who was lying across the mattress, trying to pretend but be sleeping, but her stifled giggles were giving her away.

When AJ finally got his wits about him, he spoke. “What the fuck?”

“Are you seriously mad, Dude?” Brian asked. AJ was the one who had told him that Noelle lived in the area. He was the one who had her waiting in the coffee shop for him for hours when he’d known that he wasn’t going to be able to get out of the studio to meet her, but was too much of a chicken to cancel on her again.

“Am I mad that you’re boning my sister again before you’re even divorced thus putting you in the exact same position that you were in a year ago?” AJ asked ironically. “No, not at all.”

“Come on!” Brian shot back, unable to drop the grin plastered onto his face. “This isn’t even like that and you know it.”

With that, Noelle shot up in bed. “First of all, nothing happened. Secondly, what the hell are you doing busting in here? I thought we talked about this? What if there was someone here?”

Brian shot her a look. Jealousy creeped up on him, but he pushed it aside. “There is someone here.”

Noelle waved him off without looking at him. “You know what I mean.”

“I was coming to take you to breakfast and apologize for leaving you hanging last night. I guess you really didn’t mind after all though, did you?” AJ snapped back.

“Whatever, Alex,” Noelle replied. “I don’t have time anyway. I have to go to school, but you and Brian have fun.”

Brian laughed. “First you play dead, now you’re feeding me to the sharks? That’s nice, Elle.”

Noelle leaned over and kissed him softly. “Sorry, Bud. Academia waits.”

Noelle jumped out of bed, grabbed some clean clothes and took off toward the shower, leaving AJ and Brian alone in her room. As soon as he heard the water start running, AJ shook his head slowly from side to side. A chuckle escaped his lips.

“All it took was for you two to run into each other in some coffee shop, huh?” AJ asked. He couldn’t hide his smirk as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Brian narrowed his eyes at AJ. “You were behind this?”

“You stop at that coffee shop every night, Dude. I don’t even know how you sleep,” AJ shot back. “I took a shot. I guess it worked. I didn’t really expect to see you still here this morning though.”

“You’re lucky I’m clothed,” Brian snapped back.

“Okay, we didn’t really have to go there,” AJ replied. “But dude, did you happen to think? Do you know the chances of being photographed sometime between here, your house and the studio wearing the same clothes you were wearing yesterday? That’s the ultimate walk of shame.”

“Nothing happened,” Brian reiterated.

“Maybe I know that and you know that, but the paparazzi? They don’t know that,” AJ answered.

Brian laid back against Noelle’s mattress. “Okay, that settles that. I’ll just stay here until someone brings me some clothing. Or you trade me what you’re wearing.”

“You want me to wear your dirty clothes? No way, Dude!” AJ replied, slightly disgusted. “Hang on.”

AJ disappeared into Noelle’s closet. He remembered Emily telling him something about Noelle taking one of Brian’s shirts home. It was a girl-thing, apparently. AJ didn’t want to go through all of Noelle’s things; he hoped that the shirt was either folded or hanging up in plain sight. Luckily for him, it was. He recognized the shirt easily. It was bright-ass green and had been in the photos that AJ had seen in the tabloids. He grabbed Brian’s shirt and tossed it to him.

Brian held up the shirt, confused. “Where did you--?”

Just then, Noelle walked back in. She looked at the shirt that Brian was holding and then glanced at AJ. “You went in my closet?”

“You’re the one who stole his shirt!” AJ argued.

Brian laughed. “That’s what I call thinking ahead.”

“That’s what I call being a stalker,” AJ muttered.

Noelle glared at him and then walked over to Brian. “I’ve got to go or else I’m going to be late. Alex, lock up or give Brian the key to lock up, please.”

She walked over and kissed Brian softly one more time. “Give me a call when you’ve some time later.”

Brian nodded. “I will. I love you.”

Noelle smiled. “I love you too.”

“I don’t guess you saw that coming yesterday, did you?” AJ said to Brian as Noelle left the room again.

Brian smiled and shook his head. “I sure didn’t, but thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” AJ said. “Hurry up and get dressed. I really wanted to get some breakfast.”

AJ walked out of Noelle’s room and closed the door to give Brian some privacy. He smiled to himself, proud of his own work. He and Emily and conjured up the plan over a long phone conversation one night. AJ would make Noelle wait. Brian would eventually go over there and either awkwardness or an amazing reconciliation would ensue. Luckily for everyone involved, it was the latter.

The realization had hit AJ yesterday when he hadn’t heard back from Noelle. He’d not only helped his sister and his best friend to be happy again, he’d probably gained a brother in the process. And AJ was completely okay with that.

***

After Brian got dressed, he agreed to follow AJ to a breakfast place near the recording studio. As expected in Los Angeles, they were stuck in morning traffic. Brian took the time to take out his cell phone and make a call.

While he got dressed, he thought about what AJ had said about the paparazzi taking photos. The last time that he and Noelle had been together, Leighanne had found out from the tabloids. This time, whether it mattered or not, Brian didn’t want Leighanne to be blind-sided.

“Hey Brian,” Leighanne answered in a chipper tone. Now that she and Brian weren’t trying to be married, they’d become pretty good friends again.

“Hey Leigh,” Brian replied. “What’s going on?”

“Not much,” Leighanne said. “I’m just getting some fabric together for that line of handbags I wanted to start. Suzanne and I are teaming up and coming up with some really great ideas.”

“That’s really great, Leigh,” Brian replied honestly. He was glad that she was doing something for herself. “Listen, I need to talk to you about something, though.”

“What’s up?” Leighanne shot back easily.

“I just wanted to tell you that I met up with Noelle yesterday,” Brian started, but he was cut off when Leighanne started to speak.

“Brian, you really don’t have to do this,” she said with a sigh. It didn’t hurt to hear about Noelle anymore, but that didn’t mean that Leighanne wanted all of the details either.

“I handled things badly the first time,” Brian replied. “I just wanted you to hear it from me this time. Not a tabloid or website or something.”

“I appreciate that,” Leighanne sighed. “You deserve to be happy. She makes you happy. I honestly hope that one day, things won’t be weird. In another life, Noelle and I might actually be friends. Is she going to come with you to Atlanta next month?”

Brian chuckled softly. “No. And technically we’re not back together yet. We’re waiting until everything’s final.”

“I really am happy for you, Brian. And I’m glad that we can still be friends and talk. I think if things would have ended the way they were ending before, we never would have gotten here,” Leighanne replied honestly. She was lucky to have Brian as a part of her life. He wasn’t meant to be her husband, but he’d always be her friend.

“I’m glad too, Leigh. I need to go. I’m meeting AJ for breakfast. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks. Maybe we can hit divorce court and then have lunch,” Brian joked with a small chuckle.

“I don’t know,” Leighanne joked back. “I don’t date men with girlfriends.”

“Good,” Brian continued with a laugh, “that means that you can pay for your own lunch.”

Leighanne laughed with him and then they said their goodbyes. Brian liked that their relationship was so easy, and he agreed with both Leighanne and Noelle. He hoped that they could all become friends, but he knew that they’d have to take things one step at a time.

Brian parked his car in front of the pancake restaurant that AJ had insisted that they try. He glanced at the clock. It was just after 10:30; Noelle’s first class was just starting.

Brian took out his cell phone and decided to shoot Noelle a quick text message.

Just wanted to tell you that I love you. Forever. Thank you for being my parachute.

Brian grabbed his things, locked the car and hurried to meet AJ inside of the restaurant. He stopped when his phone buzzed in his hand. It was a text message from Noelle. Apparently, she wasn’t paying much attention in class.

As Brian read her message, his smile stretched further across his face.

Thank you for pulling the chord. I love you too. Always.

With an extra spring in his step, Brian stuck his phone back into his pocket.

Once upon a time, a sad boy met a beautiful girl in a far away land. She gave him his heart and he returned the favor without missing a beat. She became the song that played on repeat in his head. She was his melody. She was his everything. She was both his once upon a time and his happily ever after.

Epilogue

Outside on a cold winter’s day in Kentucky, Brian deeply inhaled the fresh country air. A fresh blanket of snow had covered the ground overnight. Only a week earlier, Brian had shared in Noelle’s first white Christmas. Now, it was New Years Eve—the dawn on another beginning only a little over a year after Brian’s divorce became official and he and Noelle were finally able to be together.

As expected, their relationship hadn’t been easy. Brian had been touring the world for much of the last year while Noelle was in school, but they’d made it work. Anytime either of them had more than just a couple days off, they were together. During the summer, Noelle toured the United States with Brian. This year, she would do the same for the upcoming tour that was scheduled with the New Kids on the Block.

Luckily, Brian had the holidays off. They spent Thanksgiving with Noelle’s parents, AJ and Emily in Florida. Then, they flew back to the home that they now shared outside of Los Angeles. Brian sold his bachelor’s pad at the beginning of the year.

When he had been with Leighanne, Brian had this uncanny sense that he would need that home again someday, but with Noelle he knew better. When they decided to move in together, there was no hesitation on Brian’s part when Noelle suggested that they find a place that would be their own and not just his. They ended up finding a beautiful home in Calabasas. It was too big for just the two of them, but it was too perfect to pass up. Anyhow, both Brian and Noelle hoped that someday, they’d be filling the house with babies.

Brian looked over at Noelle. He reached out and took her gloved hand into his. Noelle wrapped his arm around her shoulder and leaned into him as they walked down the empty streets of the city where Brian had grown up. The hotel where they were staying was getting smaller and smaller in the background as they continued through the city.

It was freezing out, but over the many times that Noelle had come with Brian to visit his parents, she’d fallen in love with Lexington. She’d decided months earlier that if Brian ever felt the need to be closer to his family, as long as she was finished with school, she’d easily follow.

Brian leaned down and kissed the top of Noelle’s head. “Are you freezing?”

“Yes,” Noelle said with a laugh, “but it’s okay. I’ve gotten over my fear of freezing temperatures. The snow is kind of nice.”

“Does that mean that you want to try to ice skate again?” Brian asked with a smirk. Neither of them had forgotten the date that they’d had in New Jersey. Noelle had never taken to the ice again.

“No,” Noelle replied, chuckling along with him. “I’m good with just the snow.”

Brian laughed along with her. Then the couple fell silent again. Up ahead, Brian could see the destination that he’d had in mind. It was a park that Noelle loved. When it was warmer outside, they’d had lunch at a picnic table under her the shade of a huge, flowered tree. Now, that tree was barren, but still beautiful with snow clinging to its branches.

Brian stuck in hand in his pocket and fiddled with the jewelry box that had settled there. He was nervous, though he knew that he didn’t have reason to be.

When they arrived to the park, Noelle broke away toward the snow-covered picnic table where they’d shared that meal that day. She swiped her hand across the table to clear the ice and then traced her fingers over the heart that was carved into the table.

“Our initials are still here, B,” she said with a smile, remembering the afternoon of their date. Brian had carved the engraving with his car keys as Noelle watched for passersby. They giggled at their childish behavior, and fully expected their initials to be sanded out of the table by the time that they’re returned to the well-maintained park. “They haven’t done away with us yet.”

Brian laughed softly. He leaned down to kiss Noelle again. “There’s no doing away with us, Baby.”

Noelle smiled and pecked his lips one more time. She looked up to the sky as light snowflakes began to fall around them. She didn’t even notice Brian fall down to one knee in front of her as she reached back onto the table, grabbed a hunk of snow and chucked it on him.

Brian closed his eyes and laughed as the snow hit him right upside his head. The words that he’d been planning for the last month were running through his head; the ring box was held out in front of him and now covered in chucks of slush.

Noelle’s mouth fell opened at the sight of him. He was proposing and she’d thrown a damn snowball at him. At least he was laughing, that was good. Noelle fell to her knees in front of him, not even caring about the water that was soaking the knees of her pants.

“What are you doing?” she whispered as Brian opened his eyes again.

“I was trying to be romantic,” Brian replied with a grin. He took the beautiful, platinum engagement ring out of its box and held it up in front of her. “I’m trying to propose.”

“Yes!” Noelle answered, before he’d even had a chance to ask the question.

“Wait,” Brian replied laughingly, though his heart was lifted with her quick response. “I’ve been planning this. Can we pretend like you’re surprised?”

“Okay,” Noelle laughed, trying to hold her in tears before they froze to her face. “I’m sorry, go on.”

“Stand up,” he instructed.

“Brian…” she groaned, but his stare was unyielding and unforgiving. She sighed and stood back up, using his shoulders for leverage. “Better?”

“Noelle,” Brian started softly, smiling at her huffiness and ignoring her impatience. “You are everything that I’ve ever hoped for and everything that I’ve ever dreamed. I was walking around numbly in this world before you came into my life, and I didn’t even know how much I had been missing. You’re the voice in my head and the song in my heart. Will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

Now, Noelle couldn’t hold in her tears. Sometime over the course of their relationship, Noelle realized that she was Brian were going to be together forever. Now that it was coming true, she didn’t know that much joy could possibly exist in a person.

“Now is when you say yes, Elle,” Brian whispered to his future wife.

“Yes,” Noelle repeated, falling back to her knees in the snow in front of him. “Of course, a million times, yes.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. Brian broke their kiss and pulled the engagement ring out of its box. Before he slipped the ring onto her finger, he showed her the inscription, reading it aloud as he slid the ring into its proper place, “Once upon a time.”

Noelle looked down at the shimmering diamond that fit perfectly on her ring finger. Noelle wrapped her arms around his neck again, this time tackling him back onto the ground. She pressed her mouth against his in another passionate kiss.

“My yes comes with conditions,” she muttered happily against his lips.

“What’s that?” Brian asked, knowing that he’d give her anything that she’d ever asked for.

“Your wedding ring has to be inscribed too,” she answered.

“What’s it going to say?” Brian laughed. “Big Daddy, maybe? Or with my name and address so in case this old man loses his way home?”

Noelle laughed and rolled her eyes. “No, it’s going to say ‘I Want it That Way’,” she laughed. “Or wait, how about ‘I’ll Never Break Your Heart? Yeah.”

“Really?” Brian huffed silently, unsure whether she was joking.

“Why not?” Noelle continued her game. “We met on the Backstreet Boys tour. The Backstreet Boys play a huge part is us being together. We should celebrate that.”

“You’re serious right now?”

Noelle laughed and shook her head. She leaned in closer and whispered against her lips, “No, not seriously. If I’m ‘once upon a time’, you get to be ‘happily ever after’. Maybe our story isn’t the kind of stuff that fairytales are usually made up of, but you’re my happy ending and that’s enough for me.”

Without responding, Brian pulled her in and kissed her lips again. Proudly, he would be able to say that those would be the only lips that he’d be kissing for the rest of his life—and this time he knew that it was true.

***

As the years pass, it’s as if I’m watching my life as it unfolds on the big screen, and it’s my favorite movie.

I watch with admiration as my beautiful wife walks across the stage during the USC commencement ceremony, finally having received her doctoral degree in obstetrics and fertility research after years of hard work and dedication to her craft. Despite the sabotage of a once-respected doctor who has recently fallen from grace due to a string of illicit affairs and unsubstantiated research claims, Noelle has risen above and obtained her dreams.

I watch with pride as my career takes off once again to great heights and new unknowns. With a newfound heart and passion, the Backstreet Boys are finally perfecting their craft and getting the respect that we have always deserved.

I watch with love as Noelle brings three beautiful children into our lives. First, we are blessed with a son who we named Noah, and then a couple years later, with twin girls, Elle and Brie. Chaos constantly surrounds me. My house is never empty or quiet. There are always children running around fighting over toys or squealing with delight as they joyfully play together. And I wouldn’t want it any other way. My family, my life, is finally completely.

It hasn’t been easy. We don’t get to see as much of each other as we would like. I still travel the world and make music while Noelle runs her practice out of Lexington, where we decided to live and raise our family after she graduated from medical school.

No, it isn’t easy, but it’s my life. Before I met Noelle, I was free-falling in the open sky. She likes to say that I had just as much a hand in saving her, but I don’t believe that. I just pulled the chord, she’s the one that lifted us up and then brought us safely back down to the ground. She’s my safety, my protection, my way back home. She’s my parachute.