Brian laid in bed looking at the crystal
green clock. He couldn't
fall asleep let alone close his eyes. His mind kept drifting off to
what happened. He wasn't sure what the hell was going on. So she said
Nick's name while dreaming? Couldn't it have been another Nick whom she
used to know? He chose to believe it could be anybody else but his
Nick. Something about how she said his name though was unsettling. She
almost sounded like a child.
Brian felt Leighanne's body shift in bed,
alerting him. Lately all
Leighanne wanted to do was get closer. Problem. That would only work if
he didn't push her away. It was a vicious cycle. He would feel bad and
give in. This was before Amelia was invited to the party. He didn't
feel close to Leighanne anymore. He tried. He tried so incredibly hard
to push for the marriage to work. They never officially divorced for
various reasons. For one, the fans liked and respected Leighanne. How
bad would it look on his image if this had gone public? Then there was
also Baylee. He couldn't do that to his blood. This was his family. As
much as he'd like to pretend everything was normal and nice with
Leighanne, he couldn't lie to himself. He didn't know how much longer
he was going to keep these feelings in.
His phone made the low battery beep that
shook his body off the bed.
He normally forgets to plug his phone in and then hear it from people
the next day. When he picked up the phone he noticed a missed call
along with a new BBM. He unlocked the screen and checked out the
message.
Brian, I'm sorry for doing this, but I
need to talk. -Amelia
His heart stopped for a second as he
looked behind before he texted
back. He couldn't text how he really felt; he was just going to handle
this the way she wanted.
Are you alright? Where should I meet you? -Brian
He sat on the couch looking for his shoes.
He knew he saw them under
the couch. When he spotted them around the coffee table he grabbed the
keys off the night stand in the corner. He almost forgot he was wearing
his flannel pajamas but it didn't faze him. It was proof. This means
she needs him. He stared at his Blackberry for a few
seconds. Then the mobile buzzed in a circle. He grabbed it while it was
vibrating.
Santa Monica Pier, next to the sign. Be careful. -Amelia
He was nearly out the door when he
received the message. When he got
inside the car, he threw his head back, stared forward and answered
back.
Don't worry, I'll be there. Be safe
OK? Don't be in the dark.
-Brian
He pulled out the driveway carefully.
Baylee's a heavy sleeper and
he just prayed Leighanne would be.
Amelia really didn't know what the hell
she was doing contacting
Brian. From the way she scared him at the party, she wasn't sure if he
would answer her let alone agree to talk. She didn't seem to have
another option. All she knew was that she didn't want to be around Will
now. She took the bus because it was the only way to get out of there
fast. Will would have gotten further pissed had he known she drove to
talk to Brian. That's all she was going to do. She checked the clock on
her phone and looked around. The night was growing chilly by the
second. Santa Monica was scary this time a night. Homeless people at
nearly every corner pushing grocery charts filled with dirt-covered
rags and various food items they shoplifted from thrift stores. It
wasn't looking good.
She started shivering and not from the
cold. She looked at the time
again and shifted on her weight. Now she was looking desperate. She
tried to stop the tears that came flooding down her cheeks. No, she
wasn't going to do this. She wiped her face while looking down at her
hands. They were shaking uncontrollably. She tucked some hair behind
her ear trying to suppress the shaking. Something was wrong. Something
felt wrong. She looked up and a drop of cold dew landed in her eye. One
after the other fell until it was a string of them. She had on a thick
hoodie, it was all she could grab; but it could only do so much. She
was stuck. Maybe Brian wasn't coming. Maybe something happened to him
on the way here. Maybe Leighanne stopped him. She should have called
someone at work. But who at this time would come out just to talk? Did
she need more proof to her loneliness? If there was one thing she
envied about Brian, it was his family. His friends. Least he had some
things money can't buy. What did she have? Really, what did she have
worth living for?
She stood underneath the shade of the bus
stop huddling and
shivering, now from the cold. It was safe to conclude her lips were
turning blue and her hands were frozen. Before she sat down a car
honked, nearing closer to where she stood. She looked over her shoulder
squinting as she saw a black SUV pull up.
"Amelia!" Brian opened the door, ignoring
the rain and ran to where
she stood. "Are you OK?"
She couldn't respond. She pulled down her
damp hood, still looking
at Brian with no expression. To say she was shocked was putting it
mildly.
"Come on. Let's get out of here." He
grabbed her hand which she
didn't protest and they ran toward the car without another word.
He led her to the front seat. As he was
pulling her seatbelt over
her shoulder she watched his eyes and noticed something. She stopped
him suddenly, looking at him intently. She brought her freezing hand to
caress his cheek and smashed her lips against his not caring about
anything anymore. For the first time in a long time she felt so
relaxed. So at home. The moment she dreamed of so many times only
lasted a few seconds when he pulled away. He gave a tiny kiss to her
forward and backed away slightly, regaining his senses.
"We need to get out of here." He repeated
placidly, she agreed,
sitting back and finished clamping her seat belt on.
He shut the door, still oblivious to the
rain until he snapped back
to reality as a bus honked for him to move. He gave a wave signaling
his leave and ran to the driver's seat, shutting the door. After
backing out and driving off, he tried to think of a place to go and
talk. A public place where they could only talk. That's all he wanted
to do. Just talk.
"L-lables is open. They never close."
Amelia stammered, pointing to
a small restaurant and cafe coming up to the corner on her side.
He drove into the parking lot without a
word. When he pulled into a
spot near the front, he killed the engine. He looked inside the
restaurant and noticed it was almost empty. A good sign. A crowded
place wasn't ideal. Brian buried his face on the steering wheel while
his arms came over his head.
"I've been holding that in for 2 years."
She cried into her hands,
ashamed she admitted it.
Brian couldn't look at her, he was trying
to be the rational one
here but it wasn't easy being closed off around her. He wanted to do
more than just kiss. Much more. But this wasn't about what he wanted.
He had to be the sane one here. Thinking with your heart can get you
hurt. He wasn't expecting her to react all over again. Making it so
hard for him to resist her. And that's why he couldn't look at her.
"What's going on Mia?" He asked, taking a
deep breath, still in the
same position.
The rain hit the roof of the car like hard
styrofoam. Amelia tried
to calm her nerves and just talk to him normally. She was breathing so
loud she thought she was going to dry heave. She closed her eyes than
opened them slowly. She was really here. He actually came. She is
sitting in his car. She is still in love with him. She was having
strange flashes about a little boy named Nick. All it was just too
confusing.
"I'm trying hard to figure that out
myself. I can't believe you came
here. What about Leighanne?"
Brian still had his head down on the cold
wheel that was now
starting to warm from his body heat. "She doesn't know."
Amelia shook her head, giving him a
narrowing stare even if he can't
see it. "I don't like this."
"Don't like what?" He asked bleakly.
"You came all this way and she doesn't
have a clue where you are?
Brian, I think you could have said something."
Brian lifted his head and opened his eyes,
"What was I gonna say?
You needed me, I had to be here. She knows you're my "close friend"
apparently. Why is this so… I almost moved on when I left for the tour."
She put her hand up, halting his words, "I
wasn't the one who said
goodbye. We had to move on. You have your family. Looking back, maybe
it worked out for the best."
Brian sucked in his lip, almost biting it,
unable to contain his
emotions. It was starting to become harder and harder to pull back and
he couldn't take it. "Yeah, maybe you're right. You know, all that
misery and all those lies I told the guys on the road about my
performances were the best. You know what else was the best? Keeping
you a secret. Yeah, making sure you never existed was so easy; I almost
forgot how mad I was when I left. That's right. So easy. You know what
else was the best? Checking my phone every few hours thinking that
maybe it was all a silly dream and you'd come to your senses for once
and just do what you want. That was the best, yeah. You know what else
happened? I fucking missed you and I couldn't do a god damn thing about
it."
Brian tried to keep the tears from
spilling over but it was too
late. He couldn't be the strong, solid man anymore. Now he was a weak
man. A drained man with hardly any fight left. He could stay solid like
he used to. He could pretend. But there was so much truth there. He
reacted. He always reacted around her. Amelia always brought out the
truth in him. Insecure, painful and weak.
Amelia brought her arms around his shaking
body slowly, rubbing his
back as she whispered calmly in his ear. "I know. God I know. I didn't
know how bad it was. I thought you were happy without me in your life."
She pulled away suddenly, wiping her own tears. "I saw pictures of you
and Leighanne right around the time I met Will. He tried to get my mind
off of you."
"What?" He asked weakly. He started to get
goose bumps on his
forearms.
She shifted and nodded, sloppily wiping
her nose on her still damp
jacket. "I tried to erase you, I really tried. I forced myself with
Will. He tried really hard with me. I hated him in the beginning. I
gave in because I made myself sick wishing and hoping that all this was
a bad dream. That you didn't say there was a better guy for me. Two
years was forever. All I wanted was you."
Brian kissed the spots under her eyes
where the tears fell. "We need
to get out of this car. Come on."
The rain somewhat slowed down to a
drizzle. It was perfect timing.
Brian and Amelia made their way out of the car, hand in hand. They went
inside the diner and sat in the corner, away from the door to avoid the
draft. A sturdy waitress who looked as if she'd been there far too long
brought over menus. Amelia just ordered a tea, Brian a coffee. It was
back to being awkward again. There was that silence she hated. While
Brian brought both his hands on the table Amelia started playing with
the napkin. His hand came on top of hers.
"Sorry." She looked down, ashamed.
Brian looked at her, really trying to
decipher her body language.
"What's going on? Just start from the beginning."
"If it were that easy…" She tried to
reason.
"So try again. I'm here to listen."
Amelia looked around the diner, slightly
distracted. It was one of
those '50s throwback cafés that withstood a lot of depressing
late
nights from all kinds of lonely people. Amelia felt like she belonged
here. At least she belonged somewhere. This is what she got for
settling. Thinking about Will made her eyes water. She looked away,
hoping he wouldn't see. Praying he wouldn't mention anything.
Their drinks came and Brian didn't flinch.
He looked straight at
her, waiting. He figured staring her down would eventually get her to
start somewhere. He wanted to gain her trust and prove to her she
wasn't alone. Get her to talk to him again.
"I think I forgot how to just talk to
people. I got so used to
routine, conversations became forgotten. I haven't had a chance to come
to terms with a lot of things. Will doesn't know any of this. I don't
even think he knows me sometimes. I don't even think I know me. But
Will and I... we don't do this. I don't have any conversations that
last beyond trivial stuff. I can't begin to understand how everybody
else does it. I think I've come to a point where there's nothing to say
anymore." She let out a small breath, fixing some honey inside her
steaming tea.
He sipped the coffee, wincing from the
taste of the bitterness. He
added some cream and sugar, stirring the mixture together. He looked
down at the cup then back up at her. He didn't think that was all she
had to say. She covered her face with her hands. She rubbed her eyes
gently, pulling her hair behind her ears. She sucked in her bottom lip,
thinking for a moment. He still hadn't said anything. She didn't think
he'd actually listen. Sometimes it became so hard to get Will to hear
her out. They never had serious talks about anything before. Sometimes
it didn't feel like they were together.
Brian noticed something out of place. She
was wearing sunglasses, at
night? He came around to her side and sat next to her. He didn't care
if he was invading her privacy. He knew she wasn't going to come out
and say what exactly happened, so he started with the beginning. Ease
her into opening up. He took her hand, holding onto it like he missed
it; he had.
"Amelia, why are you wearing those?" He
asked gently.
"My eyes hurt. This light is too bright
for me." She answered a
little too quickly.
Brian looked around the place then back at
her. He reached over to
remove her glasses. He was surprised she didn't fight him as he slowly
pulled them down. There was a light purple bruise under her lower
eyelid. She closed her eyes. She couldn't face him as soon as he saw.
She knew the rain must have smeared the cover up she used to blotch the
mark. She heard him take a sharp intake of breath then let out the air
he was holding as he tried to calmly figure out what was going on.
"How did that happen? The truth?" He
whispered into her ear.
Two tears streamed down as she drew in a
shaky breath. She opened
her eyes, staring forward. "He didn't mean it. It was an accident."
"He did this to you?" Brian asked, his
eyes growing wide, his fist
starting to clench.
Amelia looked at him squarely in his eye.
"It was an accident Brian.
I got home, went to the kitchen; he was in the other room. I was making
him a drink then when I went to give it to him, he opened the door and
it just happened. He couldn't handle it, he left as soon as it
happened."
" I'm sorry." He put his arms around her
shoulders, pulling her to
him.
She couldn't completely relax against his
embrace. Something about
all this bothered her. The fact that she contacted him at all was
taking it too far. What about Leighanne? She couldn't shake what this
would be doing to her. They were still married for Pete's sake. She
slowly pulled out of his arms and sunk into herself. She was OK, why
couldn't he see that? Her eye wasn't the big picture. That was the only
thing she'd admit wasn't entirely his fault.
"I can't bring the last 2 years back. I
want to but I just can't.
Neither can you. Everything happens for a reason I suppose." He leaned
back in the both, putting distance between them. "Do you just get tired
of questioning everything?"
"I-"she cleared her throat, "I didn't know
that was a bad thing."
His face twitched. She was
misunderstanding what he meant. "No, like
drop the paranoid bull shit. Don't you ever get tired of putting on an
act?"
She nodded sharply, "All the time. I never
knew anything else.
Everything just gets harder."
He sighed. He looked at her profile
through squinted eyes. "It
wasn't hard with us. I never forgot how easy everything was."
She smirked, licking her lips, blushing.
"It didn't feel like a
challenge. You were upfront and honest." She looked down, gathering
herself.
He slowly smiled, seeing her this way was
bringing some of those
thoughts back; those feelings. "I was crazy about you. Everybody
thought I was stressed out. The tour was very stressful. Crazy, but I
didn't expect you to follow me around on tour."
Amelia sighed, trying to relax. Looking
around the diner she spied
an older woman chatting with the head waitress. She looked at the woman
and couldn't help but see herself in the role. She watched as the woman
threw her head back, laughing. It was eerie how much it sounded like
hers. The woman didn't look married. She looked like a regular. Someone
who's been around the block and can tell you a million stories that
you'd want to hear.
The waitress in the corner of the room
kicked the jukebox and
Boston's "More Than a Feeling" reverberated in the quiet diner. The
whole diner changed suddenly. Amelia looked down, her mouth twitching
in an almost smile. She looked at Brian from the corner of her eye and
noticed a goofy grin plastered on his face. He looked like a 5-year-old
with a mischievous expression. She had a feeling she knew what he was
thinking.
"No." She said staunchly, though trying to
suppress a laugh.
"No what?" He asked, innocently.
She looked at him directly, her eyes
piercing. "I know exactly what
you're thinking."
"Yeah right. I haven't done anything." He
went back to his coffee,
downing the last of it.
She pushed his body away only to have her
fall on top of him. Her
eyes were wide, pulse quickening. This was not good. Beyond not good.
She pulled her body off his as quickly as
she fell and felt a head
rush burning. She looked down and he was still on the floor. She wasn't
going to give him time to react; the thoughts in her head punctured
enough damage.
"You're not going to help me up?" He
asked, easily sitting up on the
ground.
"Don't make me regret this." She lent her
hand in front of him.
She pulled him up with force as soon as
his hand grasped hers. She
didn't have time for games. She needed to get away from him before
anything else happened. Being this close to him was just not good.
Brian threw some money down along with a
tip as she stared on. She
felt guilty she didn't bring any money. She always did feel a little
weird when guys would pay. Going Dutch wasn't her thing but at the same
time, it wasn't a date.
"Thank you." She whispered, sadness
dripping from her voice.
"Come on, I guess I'll take you back." He
fixed the jacket collar up
and started to walk out.
As they were walking, she noticed
something odd. Most definitely
odd. When she glanced at her cell phone, she frowned slightly. No
missed calls. She was just staring at the wallpaper picture of Will and
her taken the Annual Actor's Junket last week. She snapped it closed
and felt her heart racing. Why didn't her call her? It was nearly
1:00am, she practically ran out from under Will's nose with no car, no
money, no nothing. What she didn't understand: why was he so mad?
"Amelia," Brian whispered, making her jump.
She stared at him and jammed her phone
back in her pocket. He didn't
need to know everything. Taking her home was the best thing that needed
to happen.
"Y-yeah? Oh sorry. I'm sorry. I think I
just need to go back. It's
late and- -well, you need to go back too." She stammered, walking with
him the rest of the way to the car.
He unlocked the door, getting in silently
as she followed suit. He
sat down for a few seconds, he took his time buckling up. She wasn't in
a rush. Going back was what needed to happen. For both parties. She
reached for the seatbelt and buckled. The click of the connection woke
Brian up. He just stared at her, wondering what the hell was going on
in her life and why wouldn't she tell him. He wanted to know.
"Brian, I think I need to say something."
She paused, pulling her
hoodie down as she looked at him.
"I would like us to be friends. I know I
have no right asking but I
just think that lately I let a lot of good people go and let some bad
ones stay. I understand if you don't agree." She whispered, trying so
hard to make eye contact without losing it.
He pursed his lips, looking down at her
hands. They were shaking
uncontrollably. He placed his hand on top on hers, relaxing them
finally.
"I'd like that." He smiled, looking out
from the condensation of the
windshield.
She suddenly made a move to kiss his
cheek. The spot she kissed
instantly warmed his body. The heat radiating from the contact felt
intoxicating. If they were going to be friends, kissing of any kind had
to off the table.
Amelia opened the door with a sigh of
relief. All the lights were
off which indicated Will was asleep. She didn't want to have a run-in
with him about where she was. Calmly slipping herself inside the covers
should do the trick. She let out another breath, slipping off her still
slightly damp hoodie and shoes. She huddled from the draft and checked
the thermostat. Normal. Suddenly she noticed the balcony was open. She
walked slowly toward the window, trying not to be scared. What she saw
made her blood boil.
"Will? What the hell of are doing out
there? Why are you doing
that?" Amelia yelled in a hushed tone.
Will flicked the cigarette slightly
carelessly, unfazed by her
appearance or scolding. Yes, he was smoking. He had taken it up
recently since he overheard the producer of Blue Bloods didn't
have much faith in the show. Of all the things that would make matters
worse, he believed her. Jane Raab usually can sense when things are
going to be a hit. It just wasn't fair. Why can't he be the breakout
star for once? He's 32, when is it his turn to be the name everyone
knows? All of this was so new all over again. Was almost like he had to
wait for people to like it or trash it.
Amelia loved him no matter what. He knew
that. Why wasn't it enough?
Why can't it ever be enough? He looked up to Donnie Walhberg, his
costar on the pilot, because he knows what it takes. Tom Seleck told
him not to take this opportunity for granted. He'd been given another
chance. Coming from the Magnum P.I. era, Tom should know a
thing or two about the small screen. Everything is a step up from where
he was. Commercial land. He shuddered, thanking god silently that he
wasn't in that lifeless world anymore. A child actor still looking for
his big break? But just how long would this one last? Jane had a point
though. He tried not to think about it. Still, those insecure thoughts
kept graining on him like a starving leech.
He looked at Amelia. His sweet Amelia. The
one thing he felt so
proud of. The only reason he continued putting himself out there. He
wasn't going be that guy anymore. The guy she got annoyed with. He was
going to be the charming guy she fell in love with. The man she first
saw 2 years ago in the bookstore. This was all that matters. Not his
career, his sly insecurities. Tom did say one thing that was right on
the money. Cherish this. Whatever this is, what you have, don't
lose it.
He stubbed out the ash of the ciggarette,
blowing out the last bit
of smoke he sucked.
"Will, are you ok?" She whispered as he
walked passed her, sitting
on the couch.
She came next to him, sitting close. She
brushed his cheek with her
knuckles, attempting to arise somethingin him. He caught her
hand, turning to kiss it softly. She narrowed her gaze wondering what
was going on. She watched as he planted gentle loving kisses on the
inside of her hand. Now she was worried.
"I love you so much. I hate us being like
this. You know? I get sick
when I see you hurt. I am so sorry I pushed you away when you needed
me. I should have been smarter." Will whispered against her hand.
How can she stay made at him when he was
making her melt? And doing
a good job of it. Seduction was his best feature; she loved it when he
was romantic. She exhaled and relaxed against his chest. What was
slightly killing the moment was the cigarette stench permeating off
him. She wasn't going to let it bother it though.
"I want us to stay like this. I want you
to trust me from now on. I
promise you things will get better. Let's just be there for each other.
I need you just as much as you need me." Amelia rubbed her hand along
his chest, feeling his heartbeat under her fingertips.
He hugged her tightly, letting her snake
her hand under his shirt.
He smiled as she ran her fingers across his chest, arousing him. He
couldn't take the teasing anymore.
"Making love is what we both need right
now." Without another word
he carried her to the bedroom.
As Brian opened the door to the house he
made several prayers on the
spot that no one heard him. Baylee wouldn't have budged that's for
certain. Leighanne was another story. Lately she just wanted to know
everything. Not that being concerned is such a bad thing but it was
bordering on clingy. His wife was being too clingy. Is it really
possible to fall out of love with someone? They were so passionate, so
young… before. What happened? He was so happy with her. As he kept
thinking of all the good memories, they were all laced with the word
"was." Except one. He remembered the notes they would leave in the
bathroom mirrors and the smile that always came to his face as the end
would sign off with love always. When did that vanish?
He walked in the living room, surveying
the area. Everything was
pretty much cleaned up with the exception of a few of Baylee's toys.
He's gotten better at cleaning up now. What a sweet little boy. Brian's
face lit up as he remembered the little performance he gave to the
crowd. No different than the stuff he does on tour.
He took off his jacket, storing it in the
closet. He tried to be as
quiet as possible with changing. When he made it to the room he noticed
the light on the night stand on. Oh no. He dreaded what was behind the
door. He ran his fingers through his rain-matted hair and slowly opened
the door. What he saw made his face relax.
Leighanne was fast asleep, with a
hardcover book lying against her
chest, reading glasses sliding off her nose about to fall. He felt the
guilt rush to his head as he slowly removed the book that clung to his
wife's chest. He looked at the book and sighed. Another one of these
books. He couldn't blame her really. He knew he wasn't around as much
as she wanted. His family was falling apart. Leighanne was still a big
piece of his life that he can't shake off. He didn't know if being
married to her was the right decision. It was, that's all he knew. It
definitely felt right. She loved him so much. He didn't know what to do
with that. This was way before Amelia.
The first time he was separated it almost
felt like a million pounds
of weight had been lifted. He had a lot of time to think. Loving
someone hadn't become a chore, an obligation. He enjoyed having a clear
head during the break. He didn't think he'd ever feel that euphoria he
felt with Leighanne... until he saw Amelia. She didn't know the power
she had over him. A little over 2 years ago, he was so ready. More than
ready to find it again. He got tired of wallowing in misery. People
around him had been changing. Growing up. Howie was married and had
James. Kevin had been with Kristen and they share Mason. AJ's finally
getting his life back on track with Rochelle. Nick's, well, Nick's a
different case. Can't compare his situation with Nick even on his worst
day.
When he took off his wife's glasses, her
hand caught his gently. She
slowly opened her eyes, searching his. She slowly sat up, bringing his
face to hers and kissing his cheek softly.
"Come to bed. Please sweetheart, I'm
feeling cold." She whispered,
despair pulling at his heartstrings.
He kissed her forehead and stood up to get
ready for another night
of sheer loneliness.