** AJ **

Ava continued to wail incessantly, her ear-piercing cries slicing through the stillness of the early morning hour. Despite the fact that I had been a proud daddy for over sixteen months, I still found it hard to fathom how someone so small was capable of producing such a life-sized noise. I dropped down onto the couch and pressed Ava’s head against my chest, her tears immediately soaking through the fabric of my t-shirt.

“I know it hurts, baby. Daddy’s going to make it all better.” I cooed, my fingers working overtime to remove the lid from the jar of teething cream.

Ava responded to my feeble attempts at comfort by shrieking at a volume that I was sure had yet to be officially recorded. Drool was streaming out of her mouth, mixing with the tears that had already dampened my shirt. Catching sight of what I knew was a very limited opportunity; I plunged my index finger into the jar of sickeningly sweet, cherry flavoured jelly and quickly jammed the pinkish cream into Ava’s mouth. Ignoring the painful stabs from the teeth that had already poked their way through, I massaged the cream over Ava’s gums; making sure to move in clockwise circles as her pediatrician had instructed.

It took a few minutes for the numbing agent to kick in, but when it finally did Ava’s cries petered out into a series of woeful sniffles. She knocked her tiny face against my chest, leaving a trail of tears, mucus, and drool in her wake.

“Daddy!” She hiccupped.

“That’s right, baby.” I pulled a Kleenex out of the box on the coffee table and began to gently clean her face. “Daddy’s here.”

She looked up at me with the big, innocent eyes that she had, by some random stroke of luck, inherited from me and sighed in contentment. As far as Ava was concerned, the ordeal was over.

“Daddy!”

I grinned, despite the fact that I had been awake for almost twenty-four hours straight. It never failed. Regardless of how bad the situation seemed while it was happening, all of the lingering stress and frustration immediately vanished the second that I saw Ava smile.

“What should we do now?” My eyes flipped to the clock on the cable box. “It’s one o’clock in the morning.”

Ava continued to stare at me, her eyes wide. “Tubby.” She gestured wildly at the television. “Tubby.”

“Good choice, Ava.” I reached for the remote. “Let’s see if we can find something to watch until you decide that it’s time to go back to sleep.”

The TV sprang to life and the high-pitched whine of Dora the Explorer immediately filled the room. I cringed and frantically jabbed at the remote in an attempt to change the channel before Ava’s brain could register that her beloved Dora was prancing around on the screen. I have nothing against children’s programming, but if I had to listen to Dora tell me to ‘say backpack’ one more time I was going to launch the television through the window and into the pool.

“What about ESPN?” I suggested as Ava repositioned herself on my lap. “Do you want to watch some sports highlights?”

“Tubby.” Ava repeated, her eyelids fluttering heavily. “Tubby.”

“The Teletubbies aren’t on right now, baby.” I explained; my eyes glued to the screen. “Are you sure that you don’t want to watch the soccer recap with daddy?”

When Ava didn’t respond, I cautiously looked down. The only time that Ava voluntarily fell quiet was when she was asleep or on the verge of a massive tantrum. Thankfully, the former was true in this case. I ran my hand lightly along the top of her head and snuggled her against my chest. I was still in awe of how beautiful my daughter looked when she was sleeping.

I returned my attention to the television in the hopes that the monotone drone of the announcer would lull me to sleep. After fifteen minutes of listening to mindless facts about English Premier League soccer, I began to aimlessly flip through the channels. It was becoming pretty obvious that I wasn’t going to sleep any time soon.

I had gone through close to one hundred channels when I saw him. I recognized his face before I could read his name; the blonde hair, the blue eyes, the slightly mischievous smile. I immediately felt more alert as my eyes searched beyond the ‘Breaking News’ banner for the headline. If his face was plastered across my television before two o’clock in the morning, he was in trouble; real trouble. The notion that he was using again immediately consumed my sleep-deprived brain and I felt my stomach flip. He had been doing so well lately.

If my stomach had flipped at the thought of him relapsing, it positively plummeted as my eyes finally took in the headline: ‘Nick Carter found dead in Tennessee’. I sat forward on the couch, tightening my grip on Ava as I shakily turned up the volume.

A female reporter was standing in front of a long line of caution tape. Although it was dark in the footage, I could make out the outline of what appeared to be a park. An abundance of emergency personnel were milling about; flittering in and out of the video feed. The announcer sounded anxious, and the wind was whipping her hair across her face as she attempted to piece together the story.

~*~*~*~
“… there are very few details at this point, but it appears as though this was a targeted attack. According to limited eyewitness accounts, Carter was approached by two unidentified males while leaving a downtown hotspot around 1:00 A.M. A struggle ensued and Carter attempted to flee his attackers on foot. Investigators have determined that Carter died from a single gunshot wound to the chest, but they are still not sure how his body ended up in Pinkerton Park. Police are appealing to the public for information. Anyone who was in the downtown area of Franklin around one o’clock this morning is being asked to get in touch with police. Investigators are also warning members of the general public that the area surrounding Pinkerton Park will remain closed until further notice. Carter is well known for his rise to fame as one of the leading members of the Backstreet Boys …”
~*~*~*~

I couldn’t breathe; my lungs felt as though they were being squeezed into a pair of leather pants that were at least ten sizes too small. I let out a choking, wheezing grunt that sounded so incredibly foreign that I wasn’t even sure if it had come from me. The reporter was still talking about Nick; discussing his accomplishments and struggles in the past tense. I gasped for air, my chest shuddering with the effort. The report couldn’t be true. Someone somewhere must have made a mistake.

“AJ?”

The sound of Rochelle’s voice inexplicably made everything worse. I pulled my eyes away from the television and stared at her blankly, my lungs still burning with the effort of trying to pull oxygen into my body. My arms curled around Ava’s small frame and I pressed her body into mine. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to let her go.

Rochelle stared back at me; dishevelled from having just woken up. Her hair was roped into a messy bun on top of her head and her eyes were crusty with sleep. A look of concern contorted her features. “Are you okay?”

I opened my mouth and made the strangled choking sound again. I was beginning to feel light headed. Rochelle’s face was getting fuzzy, and I could feel myself starting to sway.

“AJ?” Rochelle’s voice was rising in apprehension. “AJ!”

I could feel Rochelle’s hands on mine, prying Ava out of my arms and pushing me back against the couch. I forced my eyes shut in an attempt to minimize the dizziness. I could hear Rochelle rustling around, putting Ava down in her playpen in the corner. The TV was still on, but I could only make out a series of distorted sounds. Which was good; I had no desire to listen to the reporter continue to talk about Nick in the past tense, as if he were gone. He wasn’t gone. There had surely been some kind of mistake.

“AJ?” Rochelle had returned to the couch. I could feel her hands on my chest. “What’s wrong? Are you sick? Are you having a heart attack?”

I opened my eyes and peered into Rochelle’s panic stricken face. “Nick.” His name came out sounding garbled and choppy.

“Nick?” Rochelle repeated. “What about him? Are you sure that you’re not having a heart attack?”

“Nick.” I repeated his name, surprised that Rochelle had been able to understand me the first time. I nodded my head in the direction of the television. “Nick.”

Rochelle reluctantly pulled her gaze away from my face and turned to stare at the television. Her face paled as soon as she saw the headline, her hands left my chest and shot up to cover her mouth. “Nick!”

“It’s a mistake.” My voice was slowly returning; the shock was quickly turning to anger. “Some asshole has got it wrong.”

Rochelle’s eyes were filling with tears; her gaze locked on the lady who was still yammering on and on about Nick in the past tense. “He’s been murdered?”

“No.” I shook my head. “It’s a mistake.”

“They’ve found his body?” Rochelle’s eyes didn’t leave the TV. “In a park?”

“No!” I was no longer trying to control the tremor in my voice. “It’s – it’s not him!”

Rochelle finally returned her attention to my face. “They wouldn’t say it was him unless they were sure.” She hesitated as the tears began to roll down her face. “Oh my God! Nick’s dead!”

“He’s not dead!” I roared with more anger than I had intended.

My voice echoed through the house, reverberating off of the walls and waking Ava up. I hauled myself off of the couch in one angry motion and began swiping things off of the coffee table in an effort to locate my phone. Ava’s worried cries mixed with Rochelle’s sobs as I forcefully rifled through the items. I knew that I was probably scaring both of them, but I couldn’t stop my panic driven rage from rising to the surface.

“If he was really dead, someone would have called me. I wouldn’t have found out from a fucking news report! Now, where the fuck is my God damned phone!?” I picked up a pile of magazines and hurled them to the floor, narrowly missing Rochelle who was scurrying across the room to console Ava. The anger was coursing through me now; threatening to become uncontrollable. I needed to find my phone. “Why didn’t someone call me?”

“It’s like three, maybe four, in the morning.” Rochelle’s voice was soft, but it still managed to stop me in my tracks.

“What?” I dropped the iPad back onto the coffee table with a damaging thud. “What are you talking about?”

“The time difference …” Rochelle was clutching a hiccupping Ava to her chest; tears still running down her face. “We’re only three hours behind everybody else. It’s only just after 3:00 A.M. in the east.”

“Shit.” I sank back down onto the couch. The all-consuming rage had disappeared and the shock was starting to reclaim its hold on my body. “Nobody else knows.”

Rochelle shook her head. “You need to call them. You can’t let them find out the way you did.”

** KEVIN **

Mason’s hand was on my face; his fingers curled around my nostrils, obstructing my breathing. My mouth felt dry, probably due to the fact that I hadn’t been able to breathe through my nose for God knows how many hours. Kristin and I really needed to put an end to the whole letting the kids join us in bed in the middle of the night scenario. I gently tucked Mason’s arm down by his side and he responded by kicking his leg out into my shin. I bit my lip to keep from crying out; the rationalization that he hadn’t done it on purpose helping me to maintain my composure. Resisting the urge to wake Mason up and send him back to his own bed, I turned over and attempted to create some much needed distance between myself and my eldest son. Apparently, a king sized bed did not offer sufficient space for three.

After a few more seconds of pillow fluffing and repositioning, I finally closed my eyes and allowed my mind to wander. I still had at least four hours of blissful, only semi-interrupted sleep ahead of me. I was on the verge of drifting off when a horrendous ringing sound tore through my peaceful thoughts. Once I finally realized that the ringing was not part of a dream, my eyes snapped open. Who in their right mind would be calling me before four o’clock in the morning?

I shot my hand out in a blind attempt to locate my phone and to subsequently silence the atrocious ringing. My fingers swept across the nightstand and I heard a soft thud as my iPhone connected with the carpet. Groaning out of sheer frustration, I flipped the blankets back and lowered myself to the ground. The ringing had stopped and I blinked rapidly in an attempt to force my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I brushed my hand across the floor in a half-hearted attempt to retrieve the phone. I wasn’t really in any rush to find it. Whoever was on the other end had obviously realized that it was an ungodly hour and had gone back to sleep themselves. I was just about to give up and get back into bed when the ringing started again; the glow from the screen illuminating the cavernous space beneath the bed.

I retrieved the loud, glowing device from its landing place and glared at the screen. AJ’s stupid face stared back at me; taunting me and mocking my lack of sleep. I pulled myself to my feet, using the edge of the bed as leverage, and dismissed the call. I would take pleasure in screaming at the tattooed idiot in the morning. Right now, it was time to sleep.

Unfortunately, AJ seemed to have forgotten all concept of time. Not even ten seconds after I had dismissed the call, my phone was ringing again and his smirking face was once again testing my patience. My blood was practically bubbling in my veins as I jammed my thumb down on the screen and accepted the call. I had no idea how Kristin and Mason were continuing to sleep amidst all the noise.

“What do you want?” I hissed, wanting nothing more than to scream at AJ in frustration. “It’s practically the middle of the night!”

“Kev?” AJ’s voice was more raspy than usual. “I have something – I need to – can you talk?”

I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it in disbelief. “No, I can’t talk! It’s not even four o’clock in the morning! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Kev …” AJ definitely didn’t sound right. “…it’s on TV…”

“What?” I brought the phone back to my ear and began to make my way out of the bedroom. It was clear that AJ was going to keep talking regardless of what I said, and I didn’t see any point in disrupting my entire family. “What’s on TV? What are you talking about?”

“Nick.” AJ sounded like he was choking. “Nick’s on TV.”

I closed the bedroom door before switching on the light in the hallway. My eyes screamed in protest at the sudden invasion of brightness as I walked the well-known path towards the stairs. “Why is Nick on TV?”

“Franklin … this morning … don’t know … park … body.” AJ’s explanation came out in a disjointed mess of words and meaningless phrases. It sounded as though he was having trouble breathing.

My heart rate was picking up. I was now hurrying down the stairs towards the family room and the television. AJ was definitely upset, so upset that he sounded like he was on the verge of tears. Something was wrong, very, very wrong.

“AJ, I need you to tell me what happened.” A flurry of thoughts was running through my mind, and none of them were good. Had Nick been in an accident? Had he gone on a bender? Had he once again been in some kind of altercation with the police? “Is Nick alright? Is he in trouble?” The European leg of the tour had ended less than a month ago. It didn’t seem plausible that Nick could have gotten himself into trouble already, but over the past twenty-one years I had come to learn that anything was a possibility when it came to Nick.

“They’re saying – they’re saying …” AJ sputtered into the phone, making no attempt to mask the fact that he was crying. “They’re saying that he’s dead. The headline says that Nick is dead!”

“What?” My mouth was so dry that my tongue felt plastered to the roof of my mouth. “What headline?”

AJ attempted to take a calming breath, but he only succeeded in choking on his sobs. “Turn on CNN. They’re running the coverage. It’s all they’re talking about.”

“It’s a mistake.” I pulled the remote out from between the couch cushions where I knew that Mason had left it and waited impatiently for the television to spring to life. “Are you sure that they said Nick Carter; our Nick?”

“Of course I’m fucking sure!” AJ roared. “His fucking face is all over the report! This is really happening, Kev!”

For the briefest of moments, I found myself wondering if maybe AJ was the one who had experienced a relapse. Maybe he was flying high on some drug and he had imagined the whole thing. As painful as the thought was, I would have preferred it to what I saw as soon as I flipped the channel to CNN. My heart was pounding so loudly against the walls of my chest that I could barely hear the announcer, but it didn’t matter. I could still read the headline that was splashed across the screen: ‘Nick Carter found dead in Tennessee’.

“No.” I dropped the remote; not even flinching when it connected squarely with the top of my foot and skidded across the hardwood floor. “No!”

“They’re saying that he was shot!” AJ was practically screaming into the phone. “He was shot in the chest and dumped in some park. How could this happen? Why did nobody call us?”

AJ’s words barely registered. My eyes were darting around the screen trying to take in all of the images at once; Nick’s smiling face in the corner, the police tape, the emergency workers, the solemn face of the lead investigator, the word ‘murdered’.

“Kev! Kev! Are you listening to me?” AJ was becoming increasingly frantic. “Nobody called us! How is that possible? Nobody called us!”

I shook my head and forced myself to stop looking at the news coverage. “Who would have called us?”

“What?” AJ sounded furious now. “Anyone could have called us; Lauren, Jane, Aaron, anyone!”

“Lauren!” I literally shouted her name, my voice bouncing off of the walls. “Have you talked to Lauren? Was she with him? Is she okay? Does she even know what the media is claiming?”

“I didn’t even think to try and call her.” AJ admitted. “You’re the first person that I’ve called.”

My heart swelled with affection at AJ’s comment, but the positive feeling was short lived as my eyes drifted back to the news report. “Someone needs to call Lauren. Maybe she can confirm that this whole thing is a mistake.”

“Kevin?” Kristin’s voice interrupted my train of thought. “What’s going on? Why are you watching TV at 4:00 A.M.?”

I turned around slowly to face her. Even AJ had stopped talking; he must have heard her voice in the background. His heavy breathing echoed in my ear as I took in my wife’s concerned expression. As much as I wanted to tell her not to look at the TV, I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. Just seeing her face made me want to break down; Nick was dead.

“Is that – is that Nick?” Kristin stuttered through the question, her eyes locked on the television. “Kevin, what’s happened?”

“I don’t know.” I moved the phone away from my mouth to address her. “AJ saw the coverage on TV and …” I trailed off and wiped hastily at my rapidly filling eyes. “I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Murdered?” Kristin read the single word that kept flashing across the screen. “Our Nick?”

All I could do was stare at Kristin in silence. I watched as she ran a hand through her dishevelled hair and absently pulled at the wrinkles that were permanently embedded in her pink pajamas. I knew from experience that the tears were not far off.

“Kevin?” AJ’s voice was back in my ear. “What are we going to do? Do you want me to call Lauren?”

“I think that’s a good …” I was cut off by the doorbell; it rung long and ominous through the darkness and stillness of the house.

Kristin’s eyes drifted anxiously towards the front of the house. “Someone’s at the door?” She sounded bewildered, disbelief contorting her features.

“AJ, hang on for a second. Someone’s at the door.” I thrust the phone into Kristin’s hands and she clumsily pulled it to her chest. Even though I knew that she wouldn’t pay me any attention, I motioned that she should wait in the family room as I strode towards the front of the house.

The doorbell rang a second time as I entered the foyer. As expected, I could hear Kristin’s bare feet slapping quietly against the tiles as she followed me down the hallway. I flipped on both the light in the foyer and the light above the front porch and stooped down to peer through the peephole. Kristin was talking hurriedly to AJ as I pulled open the door; giving him a play-by-play of what was happening.

“Kevin Richardson?”

My blood ran cold as I took in the two police officers who were standing on the front porch. They had both removed their hats, and they had each donned an appropriately remorseful expression.

“Y - Yes.” I stammered.

“Mr. Richardson, I’m Officer Debois and this is Officer Pantaleo.” The older of the two men spoke. “We’re with the NYPD.”

I nodded in understanding, not quite sure if my voice would work.

“We’re sorry to bother you so early in the morning.” Officer Debois continued. “I’m afraid that we’re here to deliver some bad news.”

“Bad news?” I cleared my throat in an attempt to hide my anxiety. “What kind of bad news?”

“We’re here on behalf of the Franklin Tennessee Police Department.” Officer Pantaleo pulled a folded sheet of paper out of his pocket as he spoke. “I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but your name is listed second on a Next of Kin Contact sheet for a Mr. Nickolas Gene Carter.”

I swallowed hard. Kristin was gasping behind me and I could hear AJ letting out his own profanity-punctured gasps through the phone; Kristin must have put him on speaker. “Did something happen to Nick?”

“At this time, the Franklin Police Department is not able to locate the first person that Mr. Carter has listed as his next of kin: a Ms. Lauren Kitt.” Officer Debois picked up the conversation from where his partner had left off. “We hate to be the ones to have to tell you this, Mr. Richardson, but Mr. Carter was killed early this morning in Franklin, Tennessee.”

AJ’s voice was blasting through the phone; his strings of profanity drifting past the police officers and into the early morning stillness. Kristin was crying softly behind me, seemingly oblivious to the fact that AJ was screaming.

“Nick is dead?” I could barely get the words out. I was starting to feel light headed. Nothing made sense. Where was Lauren? Why was I listed on Nick’s Next of Kin Contact form? Why had the form been drawn up in the first place? Did Jane even know that her oldest son had been killed?

Both officers nodded solemnly. “We’re sorry for your loss, Mr. Richardson.”

“Where’s Lauren?” I felt as though I were reacting on auto pilot. I knew that I was coming across as emotionless and stone faced, but it was like my body didn’t know how else to process the information. “What happens now?”

“Like we said, Ms. Kitt’s whereabouts are currently unknown. The Franklin Police Department is doing its best to locate her.” Officer Debois paused. “If Ms. Kitt cannot be found, certain responsibilities will become yours: the official identification of the body, the handling of Mr. Carter’s estate, the coordination of any last wishes that are outlined in his will.”

“What if I decline?” I asked. The thought of having to look at Nick’s dead body churned my stomach. “What happens then?”

“If you decide that you want to step aside, and Ms. Kitt still cannot be located, than the aforementioned tasks will become the responsibility of the third person that Mr. Carter has identified.” Officer Pantaleo glanced at the paper in his hands. “Are you saying that you would like the third person to be contacted?”

“Who is it?” I was secretly praying that Nick’s third choice was one of his family members, but I had a sickening suspicion that it wasn’t. “When was that form last revised? Does it say?”

The officers exchanged a quick, undistinguishable glance before Officer Pantaleo responded. “The document was last revised on February 27, 2013. As of that date, Mr. Carter’s chosen next of kin contacts include Ms. Kitt, you, and a Mr. Brian Littrell of Alpharetta, Georgia.”

“Brian?! Jesus Christ!” AJ’s voice shot out of the phone. “What the fuck was Nick thinking? What about his fucking parents?”

Officer Debois and Officer Pantaleo exchanged another unreadable expression, both of their eyes drifting towards the phone that Kristin was now holding at her side.

“That’s our friend.” I explained, waving my hand in the direction of the phone. “He lives in Los Angeles, and he saw the news report before we did. He’s a bit upset.”

“A bit upset?” AJ continued his passion-filled rant, the speakers giving his voice a hollow, cavernous quality. “I think it’s safe to say that I’m more than a bit upset!”

Officer Pantaleo nodded in understanding, although he continued to look a bit wary. “Have you made a decision Mr. Richardson? Would you like us to inform the Alpharetta Police Department that they need to contact Mr. Littrell?”

“No.” I shook my head and rubbed roughly at my eyes. “I’ll do whatever needs to be done.”

“That’s good of you, Mr. Richardson.” Officer Debois offered me a small smile. “I know that this is a difficult time for you and your family, but you should seriously consider making your way to Tennessee as soon as possible. From the information that we’ve been given, I doubt that Ms. Kitt will be able to fulfill her responsibilities.”

“Right.” I nodded curtly at the two men as they returned their hats to their respective heads and began to back away from the front door. “Right.”

“We’ll notify the Franklin Police Department that we’ve made contact with you.” Officer Debois added as the two of them stepped onto the front walkway. “A detective from the Franklin Police will be in touch with you within the next few hours.”

I nodded again and watched as the officers retreated down the driveway. It seemed to be the only thing that I was capable of doing at the moment; nodding and looking like a heartless bastard.

“Kevin?” Kristin waited until the two men had reached their cruiser that was parked at the bottom of the driveway before she spoke. “This isn’t a mistake. Nick is really ...” She trailed off as her face crumpled and fresh tears began to snake their way down her cheeks.

I opened my arms and Kristin fell into them, burying her face in my chest. Her arms wrapped around my back, and I could still hear AJ’s voice spewing from the phone as I held on to Kristin’s shaking frame.

“What do we do, Kev?” AJ’s question was slightly muffled by Kristin’s thumb that was partially covering the speaker. “What are we going to do?”

I reached behind my back and gently pried the phone out of Kristin’s grip. I took AJ off speaker and brought the phone to my ear, still holding tightly to my wife with my other hand. “We need to call Howie and Brian.”

“Fuck!” AJ cursed again, but the tremor in his voice had returned. “I’m calling Howie. I can’t – I can’t – Brian is gonna lose it. I can’t be the one to tell him. I just can’t!”

I had been expecting the response, albeit I had been hoping that AJ would sound slightly less panic stricken. “It’s fine.” I lied. “I’ll call Brian.”

“And then what?” AJ pressed. “After we all know, then what do we do?”

“You heard the police.” I reminded him as I tightened my grip on Kristin. “I need to get on the next flight that I can find to Tennessee.”

** BRIAN **

I padded into the kitchen and plucked a random K-Cup out of the holder. This was my favourite time of the day; the time when nobody else was awake, when I was free to do whatever I wanted without being questioned or pestered to do something else. I jammed the K-Cup into the Keurig, slid a mug under the spout, and listened as the machine hummed to life. The clock on the microwave read 7:22 A.M., meaning that I had at least a full two hours to myself until Leighanne and Baylee decided that they were ready to greet the day.

The machine sputtered in completion, and the welcoming smell of coffee invaded my nostrils. I pulled the now steaming mug out from under the spout, grabbed a box of Honey Nut Cheerio’s out of the cupboard, and headed for the living room. Settling myself on the couch, I plunged my hand into the box of cereal and began popping the delicious round pieces into my mouth two at a time. There was nothing better than eating dry cereal straight from the box - nothing.

I paused to take a long swig of coffee before I began searching for the remote. My plan was to catch up on some sports highlights before watching the final episode of ‘The Walking Dead’ on Netflix. I desperately needed to find out what happened in the finale before the next season started. That was the problem with being on tour for so long; you tended to miss out on certain aspects of popular culture when you were a part of popular culture yourself. Case in point, I still hadn’t made it all the way through ‘Dexter’.

Spying the remote on the coffee table, I pushed a pile of Leighanne’s fashion magazines out of the way and reached for it. It was then that I noticed the blinking light on my phone. Forgetting about the remote, I pulled my phone off of the table and turned it over in my hands. I must have forgotten to take it upstairs the night before.

“Whoa!” I whistled as the screen sprang to life. I blinked a few times to make sure that what I was seeing was real. I had been expecting to see a few email notifications and maybe a missed text message or two. I hadn’t been expecting to see ten missed calls from Kevin; the earliest of them having come in at 4:27 A.M.

I tossed the box of cereal onto the coffee table and took another sip of coffee to calm my nerves before I pressed the button to dial Kevin’s number. Kevin wasn’t the type of guy who called people incessantly; something serious must have happened in order for him to have called me so many times without leaving a message.

“Brian!” Kevin’s voice rang in my ear. “I’ve been trying to call you.”

“I saw that.” I took another sip of coffee and forced a short laugh. “You must have called me like ten times since four thirty ...”

“Why didn’t you pick up?” Kevin sounded testy now; a clear indication that he hadn’t gotten enough sleep. “How irresponsible can you possibly be?”

“I left my phone in the living room ...” I let the rest of my excuse go unsaid. Kevin wasn’t just mad, he was clearly upset.

“Brian ...” Kevin took a deep breath and started again. “I have something – I received some news this morning.”

“News?” My fingers tightened around the phone. “What kind of news? Bad news?” Oh God, what was he going to tell me? Was he going to tell me that he had cancer? Was he going to tell me that he was dying?

“It’s bad.” Kevin choked. He was having trouble getting the words out; a characteristic that was very un-Kevin like.

“Are you dying?” I blurted out the question without giving it any thought. The way he was behaving was causing me to panic. “Please, God, don’t tell me that you have cancer or some other kind of horrible life-ending disease!”

“I’m not dying.” The way he said it made it sound like a lie. “The bad news isn’t about me.”

“Then who is it about?” If it were at all possible, I would have reached through the phone and shaken him. I hated how it always took him so long to get to the point.

“It’s about Nick.” Kevin’s voice started to shake as soon as he said Nick’s name. “I found out this morning – I don’t know any details really – AJ heard it on the news – NYPD came to the door – I have to go to Tennessee – Lauren’s not around – he listed me as a contact for his next of kin.”

“Kev, you’re not making any sense.” I could hear my own voice rising in trepidation. As far as I was concerned, Kevin might as well have been speaking a foreign language. He was all over the place, stating random thoughts that didn’t seem to be in any way connected to each other. To top it all off, he sounded like he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. “What’s the bad news? What does any of what you just said have to do with Nick?”

Kevin drew a deep breath and tried to continue, but I cut him off before he could start. “Did you say that Nick listed you as a contact for his next of kin?” My brain was working overtime, pulling the random pieces of information that Kevin had given me together. “Kevin, why are you going to Tennessee? The police only contact next of kin if ...”

“Brian, I’m so sorry!” Kevin blurted out. “I can’t bring myself to say it. I thought that I could be strong and hold it together long enough to be able to tell you, but as soon as I heard your voice I started to lose it. I think I’ve been in shock since I found out. It’s all over CNN ...”

CNN, my brain grabbed on to the tiny piece of information and refused to let go. I grabbed the remote and aimed it in the direction of the television. My hands were shaking so badly that I could barely press the buttons. Even without Kevin saying the words, I knew what I was going to see before I saw it. Somewhere in the far reaches of my mind, my brain had been able to make the connection, but I still balked at the headline: ‘Nick Carter found dead in Tennessee’.

“Kevin, you need to say it.” My voice was so wobbly that it didn’t even sound remotely like mine. “You need to tell me what happened.”

“I don’t know what happened.” Kevin was crying now. “The police came to my door and told me that they can’t find Lauren and that Nick is – that Nick has been – that Nick is gone.”

‘Gone’; the way that Kevin had phrased it made it sound so final. A part of me actually wished that he had been able to use the word ‘dead’. For some reason, ‘dead’ seemed reversible and ‘gone’ seemed permanent. The reasoning made no sense, but then again nothing was really making sense to me at the moment.

Nick’s smiling face was staring back at me from the television. CNN had pulled one of the photos from our most recent promotional shoot. It had been taken right before we had embarked on the European leg of the tour. Nick almost looked like he was smirking in the photo, and an overload of memories washed over me as I continued to stare at his face. I had been distracting Nick during his solo shots; creeping around behind the photographer and pretending to be a member of the paparazzi. The result had been a series of pictures that our marketing team had been unable to use because Nick had either looked downright annoyed or overly amused.

A searing pain shot through my stomach and I fumbled frantically with the remote; desperate to turn off the TV. I couldn’t look at Nick’s face for even a second longer. I was going to be sick, or collapse, or possibly both. I hadn’t heard a single word that the reporter had said, but it didn’t matter. Kevin had summed up the entire situation with one word: ‘gone’.

Kevin was still talking. His distraught voice was drifting through the phone’s tiny speaker, but I wasn’t listening to a word that he was saying either. I lowered the phone from my ear and disconnected the call, not caring that I had just hung up on my cousin in the middle of a crisis. The world could have imploded and I wouldn’t have noticed; all I could think about was Nick.

I doubled over and clutched at my stomach, allowing my phone to clatter to the floor. The device vibrated against the wooden panels and Kevin’s face flashed on the display, but I made no move to answer his call. The tears were streaming down my face, dripping off of my chin and splashing onto the legs of my track pants. I wrapped my arms tighter around my midsection and curled my upper body towards my legs, my forehead resting on my knees. My whole body felt hallow and numb. The pain in my stomach was slowly creeping its way up into my chest, and I involuntarily let out a wounded, guttural gasp before launching into another round of shaking sobs.

“Dad?”

I lifted my head at the gentle feeling of Baylee’s small hand on my shoulder. I had no idea how long he had been standing there, how much he had seen, or how much he had heard of my conversation with Kevin. The tears were blurring my vision, but I could tell by the tremor in my son’s voice that I was scaring him.

“What’s wrong?” Baylee sounded on the verge of tears himself. “Why are you crying like that?”

“Nick is gone.” I choked on the words and released a fresh wave of tears. I could feel them sliding down my face, the salt gathering at the corners of my mouth. “Nick is gone!”

“Where did he go?” Baylee had wedged himself into the small space between my body and the edge of the couch. His eyes were wide and worried. “Why are you crying because Nick is gone?”

Hearing the words come from my son’s mouth was enough to send the pain spiraling upwards. I grabbed at my chest and attempted to take a calming breath. This wasn’t right; Baylee shouldn’t be seeing me like this. I recognized that I shouldn’t have announced Nick’s death in the way that I had. I should have sat Baylee down and told him properly once I had calmed down, but it was too late for that now.

“Nick is – Nick has gone to – Nick went – Nick is in heaven.” I stammered out a response while massaging my chest. I drew in a long, shaky breath and forced myself to look at Baylee. I had to get myself under control for his sake.

“Heaven?” Baylee repeated the word slowly and purposefully. He leaned his head on my shoulder and I immediately adjusted my position so that I was able to pull him against me. He accepted my embrace without hesitation, curling his arms around my still aching chest.

I couldn’t remember the last time that Baylee had voluntarily shown me so much affection. I understood that he was getting older and that he needed his space, but I often found myself missing the little boy who had wanted nothing more than to curl up on my lap and listen to me sing. The fact that Baylee wasn’t pulling away from me now was a clear indication of just how mature he had become; he knew that I needed him.

“Can Nick see us right now?” Baylee asked; struggling to keep his voice even. “Do you think he’s watching us?”

I smiled through my remaining tears. Baylee was trying his best to stay strong and I loved him for it. “I hope so.”

“How did he – how did he die?”

“I don’t know yet, Bay.” Fresh tears were simmering in my eyes and I squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to keep them from escaping.

“Dad?” Baylee sniffed. I could feel his tears starting to soak through my shirt. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. It – it kinda – it hurts.”

I tightened my grip on Baylee and gave up on my battle to suppress my tears. “That’s okay, Bay. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do either."

** HOWIE **

The line up at Starbucks was out the door, snaking along the sidewalk in the early morning sun. For a brief moment, I debated about heading straight for the meeting without a caffeine fix, but I decided to cut my losses and get in line. I knew that I was only fooling myself anyways; I was useless without my morning coffee. As it was, the guys in Neverest were used to me running behind schedule. Apparently, ‘Backstreet Time’ existed far beyond the reaches of Backstreet itself.

I joined the back of the slow moving line and adjusted my sunglasses. The sun was just starting to peak above the Toronto skyline, and the blinding rays were reflecting off of the multitude of recently constructed, glass condo towers. For just after eight-thirty on a Sunday morning, it was already fairly busy in the downtown core. I had scheduled the meeting for 9:00 A.M. in the hopes that I would be able to bypass some of the downtown chaos. Clearly, I had underestimated people’s ability to drag themselves out of bed before nine o’clock on the weekend.

“Sorry I’m late! The subway was jammed at Yonge and I missed my connection.”

I watched with mild interest as the young woman standing in front of me threw her arms around the woman who had just issued her the apology. The two of them hugged for a long time; both of them clearly happy to see one another, and their rapid chatter began the moment that they pulled apart. I tried not to listen to what they were saying, but it was difficult not to overhear their conversation as their voices increased in excitement. From what I could determine, the tiny brunette had recently gotten engaged and the willowy blonde was one of her bridesmaids; the two of them were on their way to the Bridal Show.

I suppressed my smile as the three of us finally made it off of the street and into the crowded coffee shop. The last thing that I wanted was for one of them to turn around and realize that I had been eavesdropping. I was in the process of deciding whether or not I wanted a breakfast sandwich with my latte when I found myself getting sucked back in to their conversation for the second time.

“What the ...” The brunette had pulled an iPhone out of her purse and was staring at it in apparent disbelief. “Becca, have you seen this?”

“Seen what?” The blonde leaned over her friend’s shoulder and stared at the screen. Her slender hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my God!”

“Do you think it’s true?” The brunette sounded like she was about to cry. “It can’t be true!”

“Have any of them tweeted about it?” Becca pulled her own iPhone out of her purse and began tapping hastily at the screen. “What site did you see the story on?”

My attention was peaked. I lifted my sunglasses to the top of my head and craned my neck in an attempt to get a better look at the brunette’s phone, but she was holding the device at an angle that made the screen unreadable. I dared a quick glance around the store at the rest of the waiting customers; no one else appeared to be paying the two women any notice.

“I don’t see anything official on Twitter.” Becca’s eyes were now firmly glued to her phone. “Even Perez hasn’t said anything about it.”

“It seems to be a lot more than just speculation.” The brunette lifted her now watery eyes to her friend. “The headline says that it happened early this morning.”

“Think about it, Hailey, it can’t possibly be true.” Becca shook her head. “Why would something like this happen to Nick Carter? I mean, it’s not like the boys are even popular in the mainstream media anymore.”

My brain snapped to attention at the mention of Nick’s name. I was now fully engrossed in their conversation, but the two women continued to be oblivious to my presence.

“Maybe we should check their official site.” Hailey still appeared to be in denial. “Let’s see if something has been posted on one of the message boards.”

Becca rolled her eyes. “Those boards are going to be filled with crazy fans making up even crazier scenarios. Are you sure that you want to read that shit?”

My heart was hammering in my chest and my hands were slick with sweat as I struggled to pull my own phone out of my pocket. I tried to reassure myself that I was working myself up over nothing. If something had really happened to Nick, someone would have called me, and my phone hadn’t rung all morning. I finally managed to finagle the device out of my pocket, and I almost flung it clear across the store when I looked at the display. I had over twenty missed calls from AJ, and he hadn’t left a single message.

I checked the time, 8:41 A.M. The last missed call from AJ had registered at 8:39 A.M. My stomach plummeted; I had accidentally set the sound profile to silent. How could I have been so stupid? Something had clearly happened to Nick and I had missed it. I raised my eyes to the two women standing in front of me and stared at their backs. I needed to see what they had already seen before I phoned AJ back.

The line inched forward again and the two women put in an order for identically crafted skinny vanilla lattes. I stepped up behind them before the cashier had even finished ringing in their order and added my own selection to their bill.

“And a grandé Americano.” I pushed in-between the two women and thrust a twenty dollar bill at the cashier before either one of them could protest. “It’s on me.”

Both women turned to look at me, but the blonde obviously made the connection first. Her eyes widened in surprise and her mouth formed a small ‘oh’. “Holy shit!”

“Can I have a name for the order?” The bored looking cashier asked as she handed me my change. She was clearly too young and too tired to know, or even care, about who I was.

“Howie.” I plastered a smile on my face and made eye contact with both Hailey and Becca in turn.

The cashier scrawled my name across the cups and motioned for us to move to the side. The three of us shuffled off in the direction of the ever growing crowd that was still waiting for their morning jolt of caffeine, and I manoeuvred our small group into the most secluded corner that I could find. Becca and Hailey exchanged a look that was a mixture of confusion and awe as I motioned for them to come closer.

“I’m Howie.” I unnecessarily introduced myself once the three of us had formed a tight circle.

The two women exchanged another quick glance. “We know.” They answered in unison.

After a brief pause, the brunette returned my ridiculous introduction. “I’m Hailey and this is my friend, Becca. Thanks for the coffee.”

“No problem.” I dismissed her appreciation with a quick wave of my hand. “Listen, I couldn’t help but overhear some of your conversation while we were standing in line.” I paused when I realized that my voice was shaking. “Do you mind showing me what you were looking at? The stuff about Nick, I mean.”

“You haven’t heard about it?” Becca looked me dead in the face as Hailey began to fumble with her phone. “So, it can’t be true then?”

“I’ve missed some calls.” I admitted, well aware of the fact that I should probably be careful about divulging too much information. “I just really need to see what it is that you were looking at. What did the report say? Did it say that something has happened to Nick?”

Becca dropped her gaze from my face. Her pretty features contorted into an expression that could only be described as grief.

“You’re better off reading it for yourself.” Hailey held out her phone. “This is what we were looking at.”

I lowered my eyes to the screen and the headline immediately hardened the contents of my stomach: ‘Nick Carter found dead in Tennessee’. I pulled Hailey’s phone out of her fingers and handed her my own phone in exchange. My fingers were flying across the screen, scrolling through the full report. This didn’t sound like an exaggeration or a hoax. It wasn’t posted on TMZ or on some other random, untrustworthy gossip website; it was on CNN.

“Howie!” The barista shouted. “Two skinny vanillas and an Americano for Howie!”

I whipped my head up at the sound of my name. What had I been thinking when I had given out my real name? Most of the time, I didn’t mind being approached in public, but right now the last thing that I wanted to do was act cheery and pose for a picture. All I wanted to do was determine whether or not there was any truth to the headline that was currently eating its way through my retinas. My eyes nervously scanned the crush of people who were still waiting for their orders, but nobody around us had even bothered to bat an eye.

“I’ll get it.” Becca offered. She quickly disappeared from view, leaving me alone with Hailey and my gut-wrenching thoughts.

By the time Becca returned, I had successfully managed to back Hailey and myself away from the majority of the crowd. My back was pressed firmly against the wall, which was probably a good thing because I wasn’t sure how much longer my legs were going to be able to continue to support my weight. My entire body felt weak, like I had just finished running a marathon.

“Here.”

Becca handed me a cup and I automatically accepted it, my eyes never leaving the screen. For some reason, I had developed the irrational need to read every single word that CNN had posted about Nick’s alleged death. I didn’t feel as though I would be properly equipped to talk to AJ otherwise.

I was so involved in the horrendous details that my own ring tone nearly gave me heart failure. The same was true for Hailey who was still clutching my phone in her left hand while she waited for me to finish using hers. She nearly spilled her entire drink down her front as the old-fashioned ring tone blasted through the speakers at top volume. In my haste to take my phone off of silent, I must have accidentally put it on the loudest possible setting.

Hailey looked down at the display. “It’s – it’s AJ.” She stuttered and attempted to shove the phone back into my hands.

“I can’t!” I panicked and pressed myself even tighter against the wall. “I’m not ready yet!”

“What?” Hailey stared back at me, dumbfounded. She seemed afraid that my phone was about to grow fangs and attack her. “You’re not ready for what?”

I shook my head. “You answer it.” The rational part of me knew that I had to speak to AJ, but the irrational part of me seemed to be taking control. As long as I didn’t talk to AJ, Nick’s death wouldn’t be real. Everything would be okay as long as I didn’t answer the phone.

“You answer it!” Hailey jammed the still ringing phone into her friend’s hand and backed herself into the side of my body. “There’s no way that I can talk to AJ McLean!”

Becca’s fingers scrambled to keep the phone from dropping to the ground and her thumb grazed across the screen, unintentionally accepting the call. She stared at the phone in horror before bringing it to her ear and giving me a helpless look.

“Hello?”

“Howie? What the fuck is going on? I’ve been trying to call you for hours! What’s wrong with your voice? You sound like a mother-fucking chick.”

I cringed as AJ’s voice coursed through the speaker. So much for avoiding him; I could hear every single word that he was saying and I wasn’t even the one holding the phone.

“I am a chick.” Becca involuntarily pressed up against my other side as another wave of people descended upon the Starbucks. “My name’s Becca.”

The blonde gave me another helpless look and indicated that I needed to take control of the phone call, but I vehemently shook my head. I still wasn’t ready for the news.

“What?!” AJ was shouting now. “Where’s Howie? Why are you answering his phone? Who ARE you?”

“I met him in a Starbucks.” Becca paused. “Just now.”

“Is he there!?” AJ was so loud that Becca actually had to pull the phone away from her ear. He might as well have been on speaker. “What’s he doing?”

“He’s reading the CNN news coverage about Nick on my friend’s phone.” Becca admitted. “He approached us in line after he heard us talking about it.”

“Jesus Christ!” AJ continued to scream. “He’s avoiding me, isn’t he? I don’t know who the hell you are, but you can go ahead and tell Howie that he needs to fucking talk to me. Tell him that this isn’t going to go away even if he avoids me for the rest of his God damn life.”

I sighed audibly at AJ’s words. The man obviously knew me too well. I passed my drink off to Hailey and reluctantly motioned for Becca to hand me the phone.

“Hi, AJ.” I brought the phone to my ear and braced myself as best as I could for what I was about to hear.

“Howie?” AJ’s voice had lowered considerably in volume. “What’s happening over there? Where are you? Who was that random girl who just answered your phone?”

“I’m in a Toronto Starbucks. I was supposed to have a meeting with the guys from Neverest this morning.” I took a deep breath to steady myself and continued. “I was waiting in line and I heard these two women talking about how something bad might have happened to Nick. So, I checked my phone and I saw that you had been trying to call me. I panicked and practically forced these two girls to let me use their phone so that I could find out what was going on before I called you back.”

“Jesus.” AJ breathed. “You’ve seen the stuff on CNN?”

“Is it true?” I glanced down at Hailey’s phone that I was still clutching for dear life in my other hand. The word ‘murdered’ stared back at me. “Do we know if the report is true?”

“The police came to Kevin’s house …” AJ’s voice wavered with emotion. “…Nick listed him as a next of kin.”

I wasn’t even aware of the fact that I was sliding down the wall until I was on the floor. I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose. The tears were coming, I could feel them building up behind my eyelids. I just hoped that I could manage to keep myself together until I made it out of the store.

“Howie?” AJ’s voice had taken on a hint of panic. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah.” I could barely get the word out. My brain felt as though it was shutting down. “Nick’s dead?”

“You need to come home, Howie.” AJ was blubbering into the phone. “You need to come home.”

I could feel the tears sliding down my face; pushing their way hot and fast through my closed eyes. I was faintly aware of the fact that Hailey and Becca were gasping above me. I could hear them rustling around and setting down their cups.

“Howie?” Hailey’s tone was gentle and uncertain.

I opened my eyes and disconnected AJ’s call. I would call him back once I had figured out when I could get on a flight back to the States.

Hailey gently pulled her phone out of my hand and tucked it back into her purse before dropping down and placing her hand on my shoulder. “It’s true, isn’t it?”

I nodded and wiped hastily at my tears with the back of my hand. I suddenly felt like a fool. I was sitting on the floor in the middle of a Starbucks in a foreign city, crying my eyes out in front of two strange women who could have already taken damaging pictures of me and tweeted them out to the world.

“You need to get out of here.” Becca advised. She pushed several napkins into my hand and urged me to stand up.

I did as she recommended and got unsteadily to my feet. My legs still felt wobbly and I took a few uncertain steps forward. A few people gave us curious looks as we pushed our way out of crowded the coffee shop, but the majority of the customers paid us no attention at all.

The sun had now fully risen above the city, but its warmth did nothing to ease the chill from my body. The fact that I was standing in the sun, alive and well, suddenly seemed grossly unfair. Every aspect of my life suddenly seemed overly lavish and unfair now that Nick was gone.

“Maybe you want to call your wife?” Hailey suggested.

I nodded dumbly in response, even though I agreed with her suggestion. I did want nothing more than to call Leigh and cry to her for comfort, but first I had to book a flight back to the U.S. Like AJ had said, I had to go home.

“Do you want us to call you a cab?” Becca offered.

I shook my head and offered them both a small smile. Looking into their sad, anxious faces made me realize just how fortunate I was. I had no idea how involved in the fandom these two women were; although I had heard them allude to the notion that they belonged to the fan club, so it was pretty fair to assume that they were at least moderately dedicated. They could have easily freaked out when I had approached them, they could have taken advantage of AJ on the phone, and they could have behaved like crazy people when I was a sobbing mess, but they hadn’t. For all that the two of them had done for me in the past twenty minutes; I valued their normalcy the most.

“Thank you.” I hoped that I sounded sincere; my voice was still pretty rough and wobbly. “Really, thank you.”

The two women returned my sorrowful smile and looked at one another knowingly. It was Hailey who spoke first. “We won’t tell anyone.”

Becca nodded in agreement. “We promise.”

“Thanks.” I acknowledged, glad that I hadn’t been forced to bring the subject up myself. “That means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

** AJ **

I rubbed at my eyes in frustration and curled my fingers around the mouse. I was inches away from hurling the laptop across the room. How could there be no available flights to Tennessee? Had everyone in the western half of the country suddenly developed the urge to put on a cowboy hat and a pair of pointy boots and visit Nashville for a good old-fashioned hoedown?

“Any luck?” Rochelle pointed her puffy eyes in my direction as she dropped my toiletries bag into my suitcase.

I shook my head. “There’s nothing available today, tomorrow, or the day after. If I want to fly in to any airport in Tennessee, I will have to wait until Wednesday.”

“What about something that’s close by?” Rochelle suggested. She tugged the zipper on the suitcase closed in one well-practiced movement. “You could always rent a car and drive the rest of the way.”

“Fuck!” I banged the mouse against the desk and hastily changed my search options. How could I have overlooked something so obvious?

The list of available flights to Atlanta populated in less than a minute. I clicked on the first available flight and checked the time. I would have just enough time to make it to the airport if I left within the next ten minutes.

“Was that a good ‘fuck’ or a bad ‘fuck’?” Rochelle cracked a smile for the first time since one o’clock this morning.

“A good one.” I flashed my wife an appreciative grin as the confirmation page appeared on the screen. “Are you gonna be okay without me?”

Rochelle nodded, but I noticed her swallow the lump in her throat. “Ava and I will be fine.”

I stood up from the desk and enveloped Rochelle in a tight hug. She smelled the way she always did; like linen and soap. I buried my face in her hair and planted a soft kiss just below her ear. “Thanks for packing my suitcase.”

“You’re in a hurry.” Rochelle’s breath tickled my neck. “Don’t forget to call me as soon as you find out what happened to Nick.”

I tightened my grip around Rochelle’s waist at the mention of Nick’s name. The pain was still so raw; I couldn’t imagine a time when hearing his name would no longer cause my lungs to constrict. Even thinking about the task that lay ahead of me was enough to make my breathing become laboured.

“I won’t forget to call.”

“I love you.” Rochelle whispered, her tears dripping onto my collar bone. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Ro.” I paused, my hands gently caressing her back. “You do know that I’m coming back, right?”

“I know.” Rochelle sniffled into my shoulder. “I’m just being silly.”

I slowly pulled away and held her at arm’s reach, my hands forcefully holding on to her shoulders. “I’ll be home as soon as everything is in order. I just couldn’t let Kev go down there by himself. He needs the rest of us, regardless of whether or not he’s willing to admit it.”

Rochelle forced the tiniest of smiles onto her face and wiped away her remaining tears. “You better go before you miss your flight.” She kissed me lightly on the lips. “Try not to wait until the last minute to call Brian.”

Despite my wife’s advice, I put off calling Brian until I was waiting to board the plane. Even then, I stared at my phone with my finger poised over his name for the better portion of five minutes. I contemplated sending him a text, but I needed to make sure that he would be waiting for me in Atlanta before I got on the plane. Steeling myself for what was sure to be an emotional conversation, I finally allowed my thumb to connect with the screen.

“Hey.” Brian’s voice sounded like it always did; soft and just a tad southern. “Are you on your way to Tennessee?”

“Kind of.” I ran my hand down my face and sighed; the fatigue was definitely stating to set in. “I couldn’t get a direct flight to Tennessee. I’m flying in to Atlanta.”

“When?” Brian didn’t sound at all surprised or put out.

“I’m waiting to board right now. I should be there by eleven o’clock your time.”

“I’ll pick you up.” Brian confirmed. “I was just about to leave. It’s a good thing that you called when you did.”

“Thanks.” I hesitated; Brian was too calm for my liking. “How are you doing?”

“We’re about to spend four hours in a car together.” Brian reminded me. “Do you really want to be asking me that question now?”

I laughed softly and raised my eyes to the ceiling; my flight was being announced. “I’ll see you soon, Bri.”

“Sure thing, Aje.” Brian’s voice was barely audible. “I’ll see ya soon.”

True to his word, Brian was waiting for me when I arrived in Atlanta. I noticed his white Mercedes SUV before I noticed him, which was probably a good thing considering that I had absolutely no desire to attract attention to either one of us. My phone had been ringing pretty much nonstop since the news about Nick had hit every major news outlet in the country. Friends, family members, touring staff, security personnel, former producers, songwriters, random acquaintances; they had all been calling me to find out if the reports were true. I had ignored them all. For the time being, I wanted utterly nothing to do with anyone who wasn’t my wife, my kid, or my brothers.

I gave Brian a small wave as I approached the car. He returned the gesture and I heard the doors unlock with a soft click. Not wanting to waste any time, I pulled open the back door, shoved my suitcase onto the backseat next to Brian’s, and hauled myself up into the passenger seat.

“Have you been waiting a long time?”

Brian shook his head and gestured towards the console that separated the two front seats. “I got you a coffee.”

I pulled one of the giant cups out of the holder and flashed him a grateful smile. “You have no idea how much I need this.”

“I’m pretty sure that I have some idea.” Brian muttered as he swung the car out of the parking space and into the long line of traffic that was waiting to exit the airport. “I’ve already had, like, three of those today.”

A heavy silence settled between us and I took a welcoming gulp of coffee. “Thanks again for picking me up.”

“It’s no problem.”

“Do you want to turn the radio on?” I moved my hand towards the dial. I needed some noise to fill the silence. If Brian and I started talking I knew that we would both be an emotional mess before we reached the interstate.

“They’re talking about him.” Brian tightened his hands on the steering wheel. “The story is on every station, between every single song.”

My hand fell to my lap in defeat. “Even on the Christian station?”

Brian actually smiled. “Even on the Christian station.”

I took another sip of coffee and watched the scenery start to move by the windows as Brian pulled out onto the main road. “Did you talk to Kevin before you saw it on the news?”

“Yeah.” Brian’s knuckles were turning white as he kneaded the leather-wrapped steering wheel. “I mean, sort of. I turned on the TV part way through the conversation.”

“I was convinced that it was a mistake.” I could feel my chest getting tight and I took another sip of coffee with the hope that it would help to ease my discomfort. “It still doesn’t feel real.”

“I told Baylee that he’s in heaven.” Brian divulged this bit of information as he merged the car onto the interstate. “I didn’t know what else to say to him.”

I nodded, grateful that Ava was too young to understand. “Ava will never even know him.” The thought hit me like a transport truck. “To her, all he’ll ever be is a face and a voice. He’ll just be this random guy that I point out in pictures. I’ll constantly ask her if she remembers him, but she never will.”

“At least Baylee had the opportunity to develop a proper relationship with him.” Brian jammed his foot down on the gas pedal and the car lurched forward as it switched gears. “Like you said, Ava, Holden, and Max are too young; they won’t remember him. In a few years, even James and Mason will struggle to remember.”

“Brian ...” I gulped my coffee and ignored the constricted feeling in my lungs. “...how are you doing?”

“Bad.” Brian choked on his simple response. “Really bad.”

“Me too.” I set the massive cup down in the holder and wiped roughly at my face. Brain was watching me out of the corner of his eye, but he said nothing. “It hurts, Bri. Like, it physically hurts.”

“I actually thought that I was going to have a heart attack this morning.” Brian admitted. “I haven’t experienced that kind of pain in my chest since before I had surgery.”

I swiped frantically at the tears that were continuing to trickle down my face. I wished that Brian hadn’t brought up his heart surgery. The anxiety that I had experienced while waiting for the surgeon to announce that he was okay all of those years ago now seemed almost trivial compared to what I was feeling today. Of course, there was one major difference; Brian was alive and Nick wasn’t.

“Does Kevin know that you’re coming?” I switched the topic. Thinking about Brian’s irregular heartbeat and Nick’s absence of one was doing me in.

Brain frowned. “He told me not to come.”

“He told me the same thing.” I retrieved my coffee cup from the console and tried to ignore the fact that Brian was weaving in and out of traffic at a fairly alarming rate of speed. “I guess that pretty much confirms the fact that he’ll be expecting both of us.”

“He’s too much for me sometimes.” Brian jerked the car into the far left lane and increased his speed. “Did he really think that I wouldn’t come? Did he really think that I would just sit back and let him handle all of this by himself?”

“It’s Kevin.” I shrugged, my eyes glued to the surrounding cars that were whizzing by the windows. “Even when we’re eighty years old he’ll still be trying to protect us from every bad thing that happens in the world.”

“Nick will never be eighty.” Brian pointed out, the words catching in his throat.

Brian’s dismal comment hung heavy in the air and I attempted to take a deep, calming breath; my lungs felt as though they were shutting down on me again. “I can’t think about that right now.”

Brian took his foot off of the gas pedal and the car immediately began to slow to a more appropriate rate of speed. He pulled his eyes away from the road and looked at me properly for the first time since I had climbed into the car. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” I leaned my head back against the seat and tried to ignore the pain in my chest. “This is probably harder for you than it is for me.”

“That’s not true.” Brian shook his head and returned his eyes to the road. “This is equally hard for all of us. The one who’s probably suffering the most is Lauren; wherever she is.”

Another round of unanswered questions invaded my mind. Where was Lauren? Was she hurt? Was she in trouble? She hadn’t been mentioned in any of the news reports, aside from the general observation that she hadn’t been with Nick at the club. The police officers who had come to notify Kevin had simply stated that Lauren couldn’t be reached. All of that forced me to believe that something equally horrible had happened to Lauren. Maybe whoever had done the unthinkable to Nick was still holding on to Lauren for some sick reason or another. I opened my mouth to reply, but the sound of Brian’s phone caused me to bite my tongue.

Brian glanced cautiously at the display, but he made no move to answer the call. “Can you hit ‘ignore’ for me?”

I followed Brian’s line of sight and picked up his phone. Leighanne’s face was staring back at me from the screen. “You want me to hang up on Leighanne?”

“Yes.” Brian didn’t take his eyes from the road.

I hesitated before pushing my finger against the little, red button. The phone fell silent and I lowered it to my lap. “Is there any particular reason why you just asked me to do that?”

“I don’t feel like talking to her.”

“Why not?” Brian’s phone started to ring again, and I took the liberty of hanging up on his wife for the second time in a row without being asked. “Are you guys fighting?”

“We had a difference of opinion.” Brian’s reply was cryptic and vague. “I can’t deal with her right now.”

I studied Brian’s face; the red-rimmed eyes, the wrinkles in his forehead, and the lips that were pressed into a thin, tight line. The guy was miserable.

“She didn’t want you to come, did she?” I slid Brian’s phone back into the dashboard compartment and waited for him to confirm what I already suspected.

Brian sighed, a long, painful sigh. “She didn’t say anything, AJ. She didn’t say a single fucking word when I told her about Nick. She just stared at me and watched me sob like a baby. She watched her son bawl his eyes out and she still said nothing.”

My mind immediately drifted to Rochelle. I could still feel the tightness in her embrace. I could still feel her tears that had rolled down my chest as we had held in each other in silent, shared grief. The idea of her not reaching out to comfort me was unfathomable. “I don’t know what to say, Brian.”

“There’s nothing to say.” Brian’s features were slowly shifting from misery to determination. “All I care about right now is making it to Tennessee and finding out what happened to Nick.”

I simply nodded in agreement. I knew Brian well enough to be able to gage when he was on the brink of shutting down. I returned my gaze to the window, to the bland scenery that dotted the interstate between Georgia and Tennessee. As the landscape whipped by in a blur of colours and shapes, the notion that I knew relatively nothing about Brian’s current situation at home forced its way to the forefront of my mind. I tried to push the thought aside, but I couldn’t. Brian and I had been so close in the beginning, and the realization that the two of us had clearly fallen out of touch stung more than I could have ever anticipated.

Sure, the rest of the guys and I teased Brian mercilessly about being pussy-whipped, about the fact that Leighanne ran the show. All of our teasing aside, the fact that Brian had pretty much lost control of his social life was probably true. For years, Brian and I had barely spent any time together outside of work. It had only been recently, when his relationship with Nick had started to show signs of improvement, that Brian had slowly started to rejoin our social scene. But, and this was the part that made my stomach drop, he had been flying solo in almost every situation; always ready with an excuse about why Leighanne hadn’t been able to come with him.

“AJ?” Brian’s voice drew me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad that I’m not making this drive alone.” He offered me a small, almost apprehensive smile. “I couldn’t have done this by myself.”

“Me either, Bri.” I returned his sad smile and patted him roughly on the shoulder. “Me either.”

** KEVIN **

I could hear Howie’s voice clear across the airport; angry and tinged with profanity and random bursts of Spanish. Ducking my head in an effort to keep from being recognized, I hustled towards the car rental counter. My suitcase rumbled along behind me as I weaved in and out of the crowds of travellers who were scurrying in every direction. I could see Howie now. He was standing in front of the car rental desk, waving his arms above his head and screaming in what could only be described as heavily accented, almost unrecognizable English.

A few hours ago, the fact that Howie and I would be landing in Nashville within minutes of each other had seemed like a blessing. At the moment, I was apt to perceive our coordinated arrival as an unmitigated disaster. Howie looked and sounded like a lunatic, and I was seriously having second thoughts about whether or not I wanted to be seen with him. Unfortunately, he was my only ride to Franklin and I, therefore, had no other choice but to approach him.

“Is everything okay?” I stepped up to the rental counter, ignoring the angry stares of the other people who were waiting in line. I looked back and forth between Howie and the middle-aged woman behind the counter.

“No.” The woman responded. She looked like she was only seconds away from calling security. “This man is refusing to understand that I don’t have a car for him.”

My stomach twisted. What did this woman mean that she didn’t have a car for us? I turned to Howie. “I thought you said that you called ahead and booked a car?”

“I did!” Howie flung his hands into the air and returned to waving them about. He leaned across the counter and brought his face as close as possible to the terrified looking employee. “My name is D-o-r-o-u-g-h and I called earlier from T-o-r-o-n-t-o.”

I placed my hand on Howie’s shoulder and gently pulled him away from the desk. “I’m pretty sure that she’s not retarded.”

“She must be retarded if she can’t see that I made a reservation!” Howie announced. He slammed his hands down on the desk and peered menacingly at the woman. “Where the fuck is my car?”

“Sir, I’ve already told you that you didn’t confirm the reservation.” The woman stood her ground. “If you fail to confirm the reservation, we release the vehicle to someone else.”

“Argh!” Howie let out a disgruntled cry of frustration and launched his hands back into the air. He started berating the woman in an angry mixture of English and Spanish. His Latin accent was so strong that even I had no idea what he was saying; he sounded like a hopped up version of Ricky Ricardo.

“Go sit!” I shoved Howie in the direction of the nearest bench. “Let me sort this out.”

Howie stumbled forward and gave me a heated stare before grabbing hold of his suitcase. “I made the fucking reservation. Stupid piece of shit rental company ...”

I waited until Howie had plopped himself down on the bench before I turned my attention to the woman behind the counter. I could still hear Howie muttering to himself as I forced a huge smile onto my face and dropped my voice into what I hoped was a seductive sounding southern drawl. “Are you sure that you don’t have a car for us?”

The woman’s face remained stony. “Yes, I’m sure. Your friend did not answer the automated confirmation call, so we’ve already released the vehicle to someone else.”

“I see.” My fake smile wavered. “Well, I’m sure that my friend MEANT to answer the call. He may have already been on the plane when the call came through. We’re kind of in the middle of an emergency.”

The woman continued to look unimpressed. “That doesn’t change the fact that I don’t have a car for you.”

“Are you positive?” I was starting to panic. “We don’t care what kind of car it is. We’ll take anything. I’ll pay double, even triple the price. It doesn’t matter!”

“You’ll pay triple?” The woman raised her eyebrows. “And you don’t care what kind of car it is?”

“That’s right.” I nodded vigorously. “We’ll take whatever you’ve got.”

“We just had a vehicle come back within the last thirty minutes.” The woman sighed and began tapping at her keyboard. “It hasn’t been cleaned yet and it has less than a half a tank of gas.”

“That’s fine.” My face was still plastered into an artificial smile. “We’ll take it.”

The woman’s eyebrows rose even higher. “Nobody’s done an inspection on the vehicle yet. If there is any damage from the previous customer, you may be held financially responsible.”

“That’s fine.” I repeated. “I don’t care.”

“It’s a Volkswagen.” The woman slid a set of keys across the desk. “A 2013 Tiguan; silver.”

“Perfect.” I curled my fingers around the keys before she could change her mind. “I really appreciate this.”

The woman snorted and continued to tap at the keyboard. “Just so you know, I’m putting everything in his name.” She jerked her head at Howie who was still smouldering on the bench. “That way he’ll have to pay for damages in the event that anything happens to the vehicle.”

I smirked in approval as I scrawled Howie’s name across the paperwork. “That’s more than fine with me.”

Howie’s eyes widened in surprise as I approached the bench and dangled the keys in front of his face. “That bitch lied to me!” He roared.

“Let’s go.” My eyes darted nervously around the crowded airport. “We’ve already drawn more than enough attention to ourselves.”

Howie reluctantly stood up from the bench. He gave the rental car woman a final sneer for good measure as the two of us hurried towards the parking lot. “I made the fucking reservation.”

“It doesn’t matter now.” I shook my head and pressed the lock button on the key fob as we exited the airport. The lights on a silver SUV flashed in response and a loud beeping sound filled the mostly empty parking lot. “There better not be any traffic on I-65.”

We reached the car and Howie and I simultaneously lifted our suitcases into the trunk. I tossed him the keys as he headed for the driver’s side. Normally, I would have insisted that I be the one to drive, but today I was too anxious to protest. Neither of us spoke again until we reached the interstate.

“I’m sorry about the scene.” Howie frowned. “That woman probably thought I was a hot mess.”

I snorted and drew a hand across my tired face. “It’s safe to assume that her opinion of you was not a positive one.”

“This whole thing is doing me in.” Howie paused as he made a lane change. “Did AJ tell you that I broke down in the middle of a Starbucks?”

It was my turn to frown. I had spoken to AJ for the second time a few hours earlier, and he had begrudgingly filled me in on Howie’s predicament. “I haven’t seen or heard any disastrous accounts of your breakdown, so it seems as though those two women are going to stay true to their word.”

“There’s so much to do, Kev.” Howie moaned and rapidly changed the topic. “There’s so much to sort out.”

I flipped my eyes away from the road and turned to look at Howie. He was staring straight ahead, both hands on the steering wheel. He didn’t look overly distraught, his eyes weren’t puffy, and his skin wasn’t pale. He looked like he always did, just a tad more anxious. That wasn’t a good sign.

“How are you doing?” I asked the question as casually as I could.

My mind drifted back to when Howie had lost his sister. When he had first received the news, he had behaved pretty much in the same way that he was behaving now; overly calm and focused only on the minute details of the impending funereal. I knew that everyone dealt with death in their own way, but that didn’t stop me from worrying about Howie. After his sister’s funereal, he had broken down to the point where everyone around him had been convinced that he needed to be hospitalized. I didn’t think that I would be able to handle it if that type of situation were to play out again.

“Do you think Lauren is going to show up and take care of everything?” Howie ignored my question. “I guess she will still need our help, even if she does come around.”

“Do you know if anyone has heard from her?” My stomach churned at the thought of Nick’s fiancé. I was almost one hundred per cent convinced that the same fate that had befallen Nick had already befallen Lauren. I was just too scared to admit it out loud. One dead friend was enough to deal with. I didn’t have the strength to cope with losing them both.

“No.” Howie shook his head. “But then again, I don’t really know much of anything at the moment.”

“We just need to get there.” I could feel myself becoming emotional and I blinked my eyes in rapid succession in order to hold back the tears. “I still think that this whole thing is a mistake.”

Howie took his eyes off of the road for less than fifteen seconds. That was all the time that he invariably needed to determine that I was on the verge of losing it. “AJ and Brian are going to meet us there. We’re going to get through this together.”

“I told them not to come.” I pointed out. “Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure that I initially told you not to come as well.”

Howie did a poor job of hiding his smirk. “Like I said, AJ and Brian will be waiting for us.”

I leaned my elbow against the base of the window and rested my head against the palm of my hand. “I know, Howie. I know that they’ll be waiting. Nobody ever listens to me.”

Twenty minutes later, Howie exited the interstate and joined the afternoon traffic that was flowing in and around downtown Franklin. He turned left at the first opportunity in the direction of Nick and Lauren’s house that was situated in an affluent suburb just outside of the Franklin city limits.

“Where are you going?” I asked the question even though I already knew the answer. “We’re not going straight to the police department?”

“Brian and AJ will automatically go to Nick’s house.” Howie affirmed. “We need to talk to each other before we talk to the police.”

I could feel the agitation creeping through my bloodstream. I should have insisted to be the one to drive. My plan had been to speak to the lead detective before meeting up with the others. What was the point in the four of coming together before then? All we were going to be able to do was speculate, and that was only going to make things worse.

“You know that’s not what I want to do” I muttered.

Howie rolled his eyes. “I know that it’s not what you want, but it’s what’s best.”

“Fine.” I slumped against the seat and watched as the scenery gradually became more familiar.

The houses increased in size as we drove further away from the downtown core, and the space between them grew exponentially. The houses in the neighbourhood weren’t ostentatious, but they were sprawling and well-maintained. The subdivision was surprisingly quiet; only one other car passed us as we drove along the winding road that led to Nick and Lauren’s street.

“See.” Howie nodded in the direction of Nick’s driveway as we turned onto the street. “I told you that they would come here.”

I followed Howie’s gaze and shook my head in surprise. I wasn’t exactly sure what I had been expecting to see, but I definitely hadn’t been prepared for everything to look so calm, so normal. There was no police tape, no cruisers parked out front, and no media. The only thing that looked out of place was Brian’s SUV which was parked behind Laruen’s glimmering, black Audi.

“Weren’t you expecting some more activity?” I looked to Howie for confirmation.

Howie shrugged. “Not really. I mean, the crime scene is downtown.”

“Right.” I conceded. AJ and Brian were standing in the driveway and they both glanced in our direction as Howie brought the car to a stop next to Brian’s vehicle. “I forgot about that.”

Howie put the car in park and turned to face me. “Are you ready?”

I closed my eyes briefly to compose myself. When I opened them again, everything looked exactly the same. Howie was still looking at my expectantly, AJ was still puffing away on a cigarette, and Brian was still staring off into space. Who was I kidding? There was nothing that I could do to prepare myself for everything that was about to happen - nothing.

“Sure, D.” I offered him a small smile as I reached for the door handle. “I’m ready.”

** BRIAN **

My nose twitched as the smoke from AJ’s cigarette drifted by my face. I focused on the small puffs of smoke as they curled upwards and disappeared into the clear afternoon sky. For a brief moment, I considered asking AJ for a cigarette. He looked so calm, almost serene, as he drew the nicotine deep into his lungs. It was an irrational thought, but I was jealous of the fact that he had access to a pocket-sized coping mechanism. All I had access to at the moment were my thoughts; my deeply disturbed, anguished thoughts.

“Are you sure that you don’t want to go inside?”

AJ shook his head and exhaled slowly, sending another plume of smoke into the sky. “We should wait for Kevin and Howie.”

I scuffed the toe of my shoe across the freshly laid asphalt that coated Nick’s driveway and jammed my hands into the pockets of my jeans. “What if they’re delayed for some reason?”

“Howie sent me a text when he landed.” AJ took a long drag and flicked a piece of ash to the ground. “They’re on their way.”

“Fine.” I pulled my eyes away from AJ and turned to face the street. “Do you think that’s them?” I nodded in the direction of a silver SUV that was quickly navigating the corner.

AJ squinted into the sunlight. “The Volkswagen?” He shrugged and busied himself with the task of inhaling the remaining nicotine vapours from his cigarette. “Maybe.”

My suspicions were confirmed as the vehicle pulled into the driveway. Kevin gave me a small wave as Howie manoeuvred the SUV into the driveway next to my car. I was so surprised by the fact that Kevin was sitting in the passenger seat that I didn’t even bother to return his greeting; Kevin never agreed to be the passenger.

“Hey.” Howie pushed open the door and lowered himself to the ground. “Have you guys been waiting long?”

“Ten minutes, tops.” AJ tossed his cigarette to the ground and extinguished it with the toe of his shoe. “How was your flight?”

Howie shrugged. “Standard.”

“I see that Lauren’s car is here.” Kevin came around from the other side of the vehicle and joined the small circle that the three of us had unwittingly formed in the middle of the driveway. “Did either of you check to see if Nick’s car is in the garage?”

“It’s nice to see you too, cuz.” The comment was biting and I could see Kevin’s face falter as soon as the words left my mouth.

“I didn’t mean to insinuate …” Kevin stopped and started again. He was only addressing me now, his green eyes piercing into mine. “I wasn’t trying to be insensitive.”

“We haven’t checked the garage.” I admitted, my voice softening. “We wanted to wait for the two of you to get here.”

“We don’t know the access code anyway.” Howie had wandered away from the rest of us, and he was now busy inspecting the pin-pad that was mounted on the exterior of the house next to the three-car garage. “I don’t suppose that any of you guys have a key.”

“I never even thought about how we were going to get in.” Kevin frowned. “Maybe we should just head down to the police station and speak with the detectives. They might be willing to give us the key if they found one – if Nick had one on him when …”

“I know the code.” I interrupted Kevin before he could say the word ‘body’ or ‘killed’. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat and walked briskly towards the garage, well aware of the fact that the others were watching me with more than mild interest.

Howie stepped aside to allow me access to the pin-pad, and I swiftly entered the six digit code without hesitation: 750220. The security system beeped twice in response and the garage door began to rise amidst a series of squeaking and grinding noises.

“Really?” AJ ducked under the partially open door. “How did you know that it was your birthday?”

I followed AJ’s lead and ducked under the still opening door. “He’s used the same security code for every house that he’s ever owned. I just assumed that this one would be the same.”

“One of his cars is gone.” Kevin announced the obvious. “I was really hoping that Lauren’s car would be the one that was missing.”

“We know, Kev.” AJ sighed. “We were all hoping for the same thing.”

“There might be something inside that will tell us where she is.” I tried to interject a sliver of hope into my voice as I crossed the garage and headed towards the door that opened into the house. “Let’s not count Lauren out before we’ve exhausted all of our options.”

“What are you expecting to see?” Howie grumbled. “A note telling us where Lauren is and why Nick was at that club last night?”

I ignored Howie’s comment as I pushed open the door to the house. It had never even occurred to me that the garage door would be locked. However, the thought had apparently occurred to everyone else, and I suppressed a smirk at my friends’ surprise as I stepped easily into the laundry room. I punched in the security code for the second time and the alarm system stopped beeping; an eerie quiet descending upon the house.

“Of course Nick doesn’t lock his garage door.” AJ shook his head in mock disgust and stepped up beside me. “What the hell goes on in that head of his?”

AJ and I were now standing shoulder to shoulder in the laundry room. I could hear his breathing starting to become more laboured as we stood there staring at the washer and dryer. A pair of Nick’s jeans was crumbled up on top of the washer and a pile of his neatly folded t-shirts sat on top of the dryer.

“Maybe we shouldn’t go in.” I was having a hard time pulling my eyes away from Nick’s clothes. “What if we disturb something? What if we mess up some kind of evidence?”

“What evidence?” Howie stepped around me and AJ. He gave the two of us a curious look as he crossed the room and pushed open the door that opened into the kitchen. “His house isn’t a crime scene.”

“Even still … there might be something here that the police will want to look at.” I remained rooted to the spot, my eyes fixed on the pile of Nick’s t-shirts.

“There’s no reason why we can’t have a look around. Maybe we will find something useful and save the police the trouble of having to look for it.” Howie stated his case before disappearing from view.

“Are you guys coming?” Kevin raised his eyebrows as he, too, stepped around me and AJ. “Howie’s right. There’s no reason why we can’t have a look around.”

AJ and I exchanged a pained expression as Kevin disappeared after Howie. As much as I had been in a hurry to go inside when we had first arrived, I now had absolutely no desire to go snooping around Nick’s house. The thought of being near his possessions was enough to make me want to pass out. Even being this close to his clothing was sending a series of shooting pains from my abdomen to my chest.

“Are you okay?” AJ’s breathing was definitely laboured as his eyes drifted towards my chest.

I looked down and was surprised to see my own hand clutching at the fabric of my shirt. “I’m fine.”

“Liar.” AJ hissed, taking a gulping breath.

“I’m not the one who’s having trouble breathing.” I shot back, wincing as the pain in my chest intensified.

“I’m not the one who’s grabbing at my chest.” AJ narrowed his eyes. “Please don’t have a heart attack.”

“I’m not having a heart attack.” I wasn’t sure if the statement was entirely true, but I took a tentative step forward to reinforce it anyways. “Let’s go find Howie and Kevin.”

“This is fucking weird.” AJ cursed as he followed me into the kitchen. “We shouldn’t fucking be here, man.”

I did a quick scan of the kitchen; nothing appeared to be out of place. There was a half-empty glass of Ginger Ale on the counter and a few unopened pieces of mail on the table. Aside from those few items, everything else was clean and in its proper location. My eyes drifted around the remainder of the kitchen before settling on the heaping bowl of dog food that was optimally placed next to a practically overflowing water dish.

I was in the middle of opening my mouth to ask AJ about Nacho when the pudgy pug banged through the doggy door that connected to the backyard. The obese creature huffed and puffed its way into the kitchen and headed directly for the water dish. My eyes filled with tears as I watched Nacho noisily lap at the water; the poor thing had no idea that his ‘daddy’ was never coming home.

“Great.” AJ also had his eyes trained on Nacho. “Who do you think is going to become responsible for that thing?”

I thought about the look that would appear on Leighanne’s face if I were to return home with Nacho by my side. I could practically see the smoke rising out of her ears. “I wouldn’t mind having him.”

AJ snorted and bit at his bottom lip as the two of us left the kitchen and headed down the hallway towards the living room. I could hear Howie and Kevin talking as we approached the front of the house, so I purposely avoided looking in any of the other rooms. If the sight of Nacho was enough to bring me to tears, I definitely wouldn’t be able to handle looking in the first-floor office that was filled with all of Nick’s most prized possessions.

“What’s all that?” AJ asked as the two of us stepped into the living room.

Kevin and Howie were sitting on the couch, peering at the mess of papers that was splayed out across the coffee table. The typed-written pages appeared to be email printouts and Nick’s handwriting was scrawled across the majority of them. He had made notes and arrows in all different colours of ink and there were a few post-it-notes thrown in here and there for good measure.

“You two were working on new material?” Kevin directed the question at me; his eyes were almost accusatory.

I sank down onto the empty loveseat and picked up one of the sheets of paper. Nick and I had been sending each other lyrics and song ideas since we had returned from Europe. We had each been recording audio clips and revising one another’s concepts with the intent of presenting some of the better songs to the others during the second leg of the North American tour.

The paper was shaking in my hands as I stared at the notes that Nick had made about one of my latest suggestions. I had only emailed him the lyrics a couple of days ago; I hadn’t even had time to record the basic sound clip. My eyes burned with unshed tears as I tried to make sense of the arrows that criss-crossed the page. He had printed the document directly from his email account; our addresses still visible at the top of the paper.

“It was for the group.” I returned the piece of paper to the coffee table. “We were going to show you guys what we had been working on as soon as the tour started.”

“There’s some good stuff here.” Howie, unlike Kevin, seemed impressed. “Is there audio to go with any of these lyrics?”

“We’ve each recorded some stuff.” I shrugged and dropped my eyes to the table. “Not like it matters now.”

AJ slowly lowered himself into the empty seat beside me on the loveseat. He grabbed a few sheets of paper off of the coffee table and began to flip through them. “We could still piece together whatever it is that Nick has already recorded and make it work. It would be easy to mix his vocals with ours.”

“We’re getting ahead of ourselves.” Kevin tossed the sheets of paper that he was holding back on top of the pile. “This is not what we came here to do.”

“You’re right.” Howie anxiously rubbed his palms against his knees. “We need to figure out where Lauren is. Then, we need to speak to the police and find out what really happened to Nick. We also need to release some kind of a statement to the media and to the fans; Eddie has already been pestering me about that. After that, we need to see if there’s a will, which I’m assuming there is considering that there was a Next of Kin Contact form.”

I felt dizzy as I listened to Howie rhyme off all of the things that still needed to be done. Truth be told, I didn’t even want to think about doing any of those things. Aside from finding out what had happened to Nick, of course. At the moment, all I really wanted to do was bury my face in one of Nick’s couch cushions and cry.

“Jesus, D.” AJ rubbed at his face. “Are you letting yourself process what’s happened? I don’t want a repeat performance of the situation that followed your sister’s funereal.”

“Of course I’m aware of what’s happened.” Howie snapped. “I was just explaining what needs to be done.”

Kevin caught my eye and gave me an anxious look. It was clear that he had already come to the conclusion that Howie was bottling up his feelings. Not knowing what else to do, I simply returned my cousin’s look of despair. There wasn’t a hope in hell of getting Howie to openly grieve until he was ready.

“It looks as though you’re about to check one item off of your to-do list.” AJ pulled his hands away from his face and nodded in the direction of the window that faced the front porch. “Here come the cops.”

I sucked in my breath as I mirrored AJ’s line of sight. Two plain-clothed police officers were approaching the front door. They were both dressed in business suites; guns holstered at their sides and their faces set in determination. I watched as they simultaneously stepped onto the porch and removed their badges from their pockets. One man pressed the bell and all of our eyes met in apprehension as the slow chime echoed through the house. This was it.

** HOWIE **

I stood up from the couch and marched steadily towards the front door, wishing the entire way that one of the other guys had been brave enough to stand up before me. The bell sounded again and I took a deep, reassuring breath before I pulled open the door. The two men remained fairly stone faced, but I could still detect a slight hint of confusion and surprise as they took me in.

“We’re looking for Ms. Lauren Kitt.” The one wearing the grey suit spoke first. “I’m Detective Bell and this is Detective Eaton. We’re with the Franklin Police Department.”

“Lauren – Ms. Kitt isn’t here.” I supplied. “We were told that nobody knows where she is at the moment.”

Detective Bell hesitated before he spoke again. “You’re one of the men from the band ... Mr. McLean?” He guessed.

“As if someone just mistook Howie for me!” AJ’s voice drifted into the foyer. “What the fuck is happening to the world?”

I cringed inwardly as the two detectives exchanged an unreadable glance. “I’m Mr. Dorough.” I corrected. “Howie Dorough.”

“Right. Sorry about that.” Detective Bell cracked a smile. “My wife is going to lecture me to no end when I tell her that I got it wrong.”

I smiled back at the now slightly less intimidating looking man and held the door open. “Would you like to come in?”

The two men nodded in acceptance and I hurriedly ushered them into the living room. The rest of the guys stared back at the detectives in silence. Kevin looked wary, AJ looked annoyed, and Brian looked to be on the verge of passing out. All in all, we were a sorry looking bunch.

“The alarm company notified us that the alarm had been deactivated.” Detective Eaton announced. He looked around the room and sighed. “We assumed that Ms. Kitt had returned, but I suppose that it was the four of you who deactivated the alarm.”

“That’s right.” I suddenly felt the overwhelming need to apologize. “Sorry to make you drive all of the way out here for nothing.”

“That’s all right, Mr. Dorough.” Detective Bell took the liberty of settling himself in one of the available wing chairs and his partner followed suit. “We were hoping to speak with a representative from your organization at some point before the end of the day anyway.”

“A representative from our organization?” AJ parroted, his eyebrows rising in derision. “I think you’ll find that we all represent ourselves.”

Detective Bell’s eye settled on AJ as I returned to my spot on the couch next to Kevin. “YOU must be Mr. McLean.”

AJ nodded. “That’s me.”

“I didn’t mean for my comment to be insulting.” Detective Bell explained. “We’ve dealt with a few other situations involving celebrities and ninety-nine percent of the time we’re instructed to direct all of our questions to either a PR representative or to a manager of some sort.”

“Well, in this case, you can speak to us directly.” Kevin interjected. “Our management has nothing to do with our relationship with Nick.”

Detective Bell nodded. He sat back in his chair and studied Kevin’s face. “Mr. Richardson?” He concluded.

“You’re correct.” Kevin returned the detective’s stare. “How did you know?”

“I had a fifty-fifty shot.” Detective Bell shrugged, a small smile playing on his face. He turned his attention to Brian. “That means that you must be Mr. Littrell.”

Brian nodded. He still looked like he was about to be sick. “Yes.”

“This must be a very difficult time for you.” Detective Eaton smoothly altered the course of the conversation. “The fact that the four of you are here suggests that you were all very close to Mr. Carter.”

I nodded, taking it upon myself to speak for the group when none of the others made a move to respond. “We’d like to know what happened to him.”

“So would we.” Detective Eaton deadpanned. “Mr. Carter’s body was found this morning in Pinkerton Park. The cause of death is assumed to be a single gunshot wound to the chest. To be fair, we still need to conduct an autopsy to determine the exact time and cause of death. Witnesses place him at a downtown club, High Rollers, between the hours of 11:00 P.M. and 12:00 A.M. His body was discovered by a group of partygoers at approximately 1:00 A.M. The evidence suggests that Mr. Carter was killed at an unknown location and that his body was then transported to the park. At this time, we don’t have any known suspects, although witnesses are saying that Mr. Carter left the club a little after 12:00 A.M in the company of at least one other man.”

“What about Lauren?” I asked. “She wasn’t at the club with Nick?”

Detective Eaton shook his head. “There is nothing to suggest that Ms. Kitt was with Mr. Carter at the club.”

“It doesn’t make any sense.” Kevin shook his head. “Nick wasn’t even into the club scene anymore. How do you know for sure that it was him?”

The two men exchanged a knowing look as Detective Eaton reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and began to speak. “We don’t know for sure, but the evidence that we have is more than just superficial. We’re waiting on the results of a DNA test, but it will take days to process the sample. Unfortunately, we don’t have a very large laboratory facility here in Franklin. We contract out our entire DNA testing needs to a lab in Nashville and the average turnaround time, including shipping, is upwards of three days.” He pulled out an all too familiar looking wallet and handed it to Kevin. “In addition to the security footage and the eye-witness accounts, this was recovered from the crime scene this morning. We’ve already checked it for prints; we weren’t able to lift any that were distinguishable. You’re more than welcome to keep it.”

Kevin turned the square of black leather over in his hands. He didn’t say a word as he flipped it open and slid Nick’s driver’s licence out of one of the card slots. He fingered the plastic gently, running his thumb across Nick’s face before sliding it back into position and setting the wallet on the table.

“You should also take a look at these.” Detective Eaton pulled a few glossy photos from his jacket and handed them to me. “They were taken from the club’s surveillance footage.”

I stared at the photos in dismay. They were blurry, but the man in the pictures definitely looked like Nick. The build was the same and several of his well-known tattoos were visible. Still, something about the images seemed off. I squinted to make out more details, and I quickly became so absorbed in the task of trying to identify Nick’s companion that I almost failed to realize that in every single picture Nick had a drink in his hand and what looked like a joint pressed between his fingers.

My mouth went dry and I hastily pawned the pictures off into Kevin’s hands. “Do you know if there were any drugs in his system when you found him?”

Brian’s head snapped up; his eyes were laced with hurt and indignation. “Nick wasn’t using anymore.”

“The pictures say otherwise.” It pained me to say the words, but I felt as though they needed to be said.

Brian snatched the pictures out of his cousin’s hands and began to rifle through the stack of glossy images. AJ leaned over Brian’s shoulder to look for himself, and his face immediately dropped in despair. Our worst fears had just been confirmed; it appeared as though Nick had once again become a victim of what he referred to as his ‘demons.’

“We won’t know what was in his system until we receive the results of the autopsy and the toxicology reports. Unfortunately, we won’t be able to conduct any tests until after the body has been officially identified. The official identification won’t occur for approximately another forty-eight hours or until Ms. Kitt returns, whichever comes first.” Detective Eaton explained. “We did, however, find illegal substances on his person; cocaine and marijuana.”

I licked my lips. My throat suddenly felt dry. “Nick had been doing so well …”

“Do the four of you know of anyone who would want to hurt Mr. Carter?” Detective Bell interjected. “Did he have any enemies?”

“No.” I shook my head and looked to the others for confirmation. “At least not that we know of.”

“Are you sure?” Detective Bell pressed. “What about a disgruntled employee? Perhaps he had an altercation with a member of your security team or your road crew?”

Once again, I shook my head. “If he did, he never said anything to us.”

“What about the rest of you?” Detective Bell looked at Kevin, AJ, and Brian in turn. “What do you think?”

“Howie’s right.” Kevin confirmed. “Nick got along well with everyone that we employ.”

“How was his relationship with your friends and family members?” Detective Bell was clearly grasping at straws. “Did he recently have a run in with an overzealous fan?”

AJ sighed. He had taken the pictures from Brian, and he was still staring at them with a dejected expression. “The fans loved Nick. They wanted to marry him, not kill him. Every once in a while, we encounter a fan who is a little over the top, but they’re never violent.”

“I see.” Detective Bell frowned. “What do you think, Mr. Littrell?”

Brian raised his wet eyes to the detective. “I think that I can’t talk about this anymore.”

“Brian’s taking this really hard.” I jumped in to take some of the pressure away from Brian. I was seriously worried that he was on the verge of a simultaneous physical and mental breakdown. “He and Nick were particularly close.”

Detective Bell continued to study Brian’s ashen face. “Perhaps we should take a break for now. I trust that one of you will contact us if any of you think of something that could be of some use to the investigation.”

Once again, I spoke for the group. “Of course.”

“One more thing …” Detective Eaton interrupted. “…have any of you been in contact with a Ms. Jane Carter?”

My stomach plummeted at the mention of Nick’s mother. She had called me more than ten times in the past few hours and I had purposefully ignored all of her calls. It was no secret that Nick had a rather tumultuous relationship with his entire family. There was a reason why he had purposefully created a Next of Kin Contact form; he had gone to great lengths to ensure that his parents would not be notified and left in charge of his affairs.

“I’ve spoken with her.” Kevin didn’t even bother to disguise his distaste. “I’ve let her know that the reports about Nick are apparently correct. Why do you ask?”

“She’s been calling the station every hour on the hour looking for an update.” Detective Eaton sighed. “For some reason, Mr. Carter did not want his family members to be his next of kin. Naturally, the police have been honouring his wishes, and we have not been supplying his mother with any information. I was just curious if she had contacted any of you.”

“Jane won’t be getting any more information out of me either.” Kevin’s voice was hard. “I’ve done more than enough for that woman.”

Detective Eaton nodded solemnly as he and Detective Bell stood up from their seats. He pulled a business card out of his pocket and handed it to me. “We’ll be in touch.”

I turned the small card over in my hand and forced a smile onto my face as I stood up to escort the two men to the door. “Thanks for the information.”

“Mr. Richardson, are you still willing to officially identify the body?” Detective Bell turned with his hand on the doorknob and looked past me into the living room. “Ms. Kitt has less than forty-eight hours to make an appearance before that responsibility defaults to you.”

“Yeah – Yes.” Kevin corrected. “As I told the NYPD this morning, I’m willing to do whatever it is that needs to be done.”

“We appreciate your cooperation, Mr. Richardson.” Detective Bell acknowledged. He pulled open the front door and the late afternoon sun filtered into the foyer. “Like I said, we’ll be in touch.”

** AJ **

“I am not staying here!” Brian stamped his foot in a manner that reminded me of Baylee when he was in the middle of throwing a tantrum. “I can’t – I just can’t do it.”

“Do you have an alternative suggestion?” Kevin challenged his younger cousin. “There are no hotel rooms available in Franklin. Howie’s been calling around for the past two hours and he keeps getting the same answer; no vacancy.”

I absently twirled the unlit cigarette between my fingers and darted my eyes back and forth between the Kentucky cousins. I had been about to disappear for a cigarette when the situation had begun to play itself out. I had immediately decided that my nicotine addiction could wait a few more minutes. The impending argument was going to be one that would be simply too good to miss.

“I will literally stay anywhere but here!” Brian took a step closer to Kevin, his voice rising. “Do you really want to stay here amongst all of his stuff?”

“It makes sense.” Kevin argued. “What if Lauren comes back?”

“If Lauren magically appears and finds us all sleeping in her house, she’s going to shit a brick!” Brian shot back.

Kevin frowned. “Did you even consider the fact that she might be happy to see us? This is the best place for us to be right now. The police know that we’re here and the media doesn’t. What more do you want?”

“I want to be somewhere that doesn’t remind me of Nick!” Brian exploded. “I want to be somewhere that isn’t filled with his clothes, and his smell, and his fat-assed dog!”

I bent down to address Nacho who was sprawled out on the area rug in the middle of the living room. His breathing was becoming laboured from the simple act of trying to fall asleep. “Brian didn’t mean it.” I promised as I scratched the pug roughly behind the ears. “Your ass isn’t that fat.”

Howie brought a hand to his mouth in an attempt to hide his smile, but his move was unnecessary. Kevin and Brian were locked in their standoff, completely oblivious to the fact that Howie and I were still in the room.

“Brian, I know that you’re upset, but we really don’t have any other choice.” Kevin’s voice softened. “Unless you want to sleep in your car.”

“Maybe I will sleep in my car.” Brian fumed. “If nothing else, it will allow me to be far away from you.”

The anger returned to Kevin’s face in record speed. “There’s no need to be snippy with me! You act like you’re the only person who’s suffering.”

Brian’s mouth fell open. “I can’t believe that you had the nerve to say that! Do you really think that I’m so much of a selfish prick that I can’t see how this is impacting all of us?”

I stood up from my position next to Nacho and cast a worried look at Howie. The situation was now on the verge of getting out of hand. The last thing that the four of us needed to do was turn on each other. I opened my mouth to add my opinion, but stopped when my phone began to vibrate against my leg. I hastily pulled the device out of my pocket and saw Rochelle’s smiling image on the display. As soon as I saw her face, I was overwhelmed with the need to hear her voice. I waved my phone discreetly in Howie’s direction and headed for the front door. Howie, the peacemaker, could deal with the angry southerners.

“Hey, baby.” I pulled the door closed behind me and stepped out onto Nick’s front porch. The sun had already set, and the subdivision was humming with the lights and sounds of families getting ready for the approaching work week. I placed the cigarette between my lips and pulled a lighter from my pocket. “How are you doing?”

“I’ve been better.” Rochelle admitted. “I can’t stop watching the coverage. The story is all over the Internet now.”

I cringed as I inhaled the first welcoming blast of nicotine. I had been avoiding the online world for that exact reason. “You shouldn’t be reading that stuff. I bet that most of it’s not even true.”

“I know.” Rochelle’s voice wavered. “I just don’t know what else to do. I’ve spoken to the other wives. We’re all really worried about you guys, and we can’t seem to stop speculating about Lauren.”

My mind immediately flashed to my morning commute from Atlanta. I could still hear the determination in Brian’s voice as he asked me to hang up on Leighanne. “You’ve spoken to ALL of the other wives?”

Rochelle hesitated. “I had a group chat with Leigh and Kristin this afternoon.”

“What about Leighanne?” I exhaled into the darkness and took another long drag.

“She – She didn’t pick up.”

I knew that my wife was lying, but I didn’t have the heart to call her bluff. “That’s too bad.”

“AJ, have the police – have the police told you what happened?” Rochelle stuttered. “Was it really Nick’s body that they found?”

“It – It – It looks like it.” I choked out the response. “They brought us his wallet and showed us some pictures of him doing drugs at the club. The police are telling us that they can’t officially confirm that it’s him until someone identifies the body, but things aren’t looking so good at the moment as far as Nick is concerned.”

“Shit.” Rochelle had started to cry; her sniffles making her voice sound muffled. “He was using again?”

“I guess so.” I walked to the end of the driveway and tossed the remainder of my cigarette onto the street. “I had no idea that he had started again. He seemed fine the last time that I saw him.”

“Did any of the other guys have any idea? What about Brian? He and Nick seemed pretty inseparable while you guys were in Europe.”

“Brian didn’t know.” I shook my head for my own benefit. “You should see him, Ro. He’s taking it worse than the rest of us.”

“Isn’t that what you expected?” Rochelle sounded surprised. “Nick was his best friend.”

“I know …” I struggled to find the right words. “Brian just seems so volatile at the moment, whereas the other guys are acting just like I expected them to. Howie is bottling everything up like he always does by concentrating on a stupid list of mundane tasks. As usual, Kevin is coming across like a stubborn asshole because he’s trying to be strong for everyone else. I was expecting Brian to be overly emotional, but he’s more than that. It’s almost like he physically can’t deal with the situation. I thought that he was going to have a heart attack when we first stepped into Nick’s house.”

“And how are you doing?” Rochelle encouraged. “I thought that YOU were having a heart attack when I found you this morning.”

I thought back to my own shortness of breath, to the absolute sense of heartache and terror that I experienced every time that I allowed myself to focus on the fact that I was never going to see Nick again; at least not alive and well. “I’m just as fucked up as everyone else.”

Rochelle actually laughed. “God, I miss you! Are you sure that you don’t want me to come out there?”

“I want you to be here more than anything.” I admitted. “But the guys and I have some stuff that we need to sort out on our own. I’ll let you know when I have more details about – about the funereal and everything.”

“Okay.” Rochelle was sobbing again. “I still can’t believe that he’s gone, AJ.”

“Neither can I.” I pinched the bridge of my nose to keep from crying myself. The whole day had been way too emotional for my liking. “Give Ava a big kiss from her daddy.”

“I will.” Rochelle promised. “Try to stay strong.”

I snorted in amusement at my wife’s final comment. If only she knew. “I’ll try my best.”

“He’s impossible!”

My finger was still in the process of pressing the button to end the call when Brian came storming out of the house. He stomped across the porch and began making his way down the driveway, his hands crammed into the front pocket of his Kentucky Wildcat’s sweatshirt. His behaviour confirmed my earlier assessment; it was like watching an overgrown version of Baylee throwing a hissy fit.

“I assume this means that we’re staying here?” I tucked my phone back into my pocket and watched as Brian headed towards his car.

“Of course we are.” Brian grumbled. “The almighty Kevin has spoken.”

“Are you really going to take his advice and sleep in your car?”

Brian gave me a withering look as he yanked open the driver door. “No, AJ, I’m not going to take his stupid advice and sleep in my car.”

“Than what are you doing?” I took a few tentative steps forward. With the way that Brian was behaving I didn’t know if it was such a good idea for him to get behind the wheel. I had a sickening vision of him slamming his car into a tree in a sudden fit of rage.

“I’m going to pick up dinner.” Brian spat. “Kevin is now assigning me busy work to keep me out of his hair.”

“I’ll come with you.” I quickened my pace and intercepted Brian before he could swing himself up into the driver’s seat. I deftly plucked his car keys from his fingers and pushed past him into the car. “I’m driving.”

“Of course you are.” Brian rolled his eyes as he walked around the SUV and ripped open the passenger door. “If Kevin can tell me what to do, why can’t you?”

I chose to ignore Brian’s comment as he climbed in next to me. “Where are we going?”

Brian shrugged, his arms folded across his chest in defiance. “Kevin wants KFC.”

“Perfect.” I flipped on the headlights and began backing out of the driveway. “We’ll get pizza.”

Brian shook his head and uncrossed his arms. He shot me a grateful smile. “Thanks, AJ.”

“For what?”

“I dunno.” Brian shrugged again. “For understanding, I suppose.”

I slowed for a stop sign and dared a quick glance at Brian. He appeared to have simmered down from his fight with Kevin, but he was still staring out of the window with a spacey look on his face. I wished that he would just open up and say what he needed to say about Nick, about Leighanne, and about everything else that was running through his head. Losing Nick had made me realize just how fragile and potentially even superficial my relationships with the rest of the guys had become. I had no idea that Nick had fallen off the wagon, just as I had no idea that Brian was suffering at home. It was too late for me to fix my relationship with Nick, but I still had time to change things for the better as far as Brian was concerned.

“No worries.” I grinned and jabbed at the audio system.

If I was driving, Brian would have to agree to listen to whatever I wanted. The stereo sprang to life and Drake’s ‘Started from the Bottom’ began blasting through the speakers. I did a double take and nearly veered off the road as I confirmed that we were, indeed, listening to a CD as opposed to the radio.

“Drake?” I couldn’t even be bothered to hide my surprise. “Since when do YOU listen to Drake?”

Brian flashed me a goofy grin and began to move his head in time with the beat. “I heard Howie listening to him at some point during the tour. You can put on whatever you want.”

“No.” I could feel the smile pulling at the corners of my mouth as I watched Brian begin to mouth the words to the chorus. “This is fine.”

“What?” Brian laughed softly; his mood was clearly starting to improve. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“It’s just …” I trailed off and shook my head one final time in disbelief. I realized that I may know even less than I thought I did about the man sitting beside me. “Who ARE you?”

** KEVIN **

“Can you believe him?”

“He’s upset, Kev.” Howie replied. “You need to cut him some slack.”

“He’s being unreasonable.” I argued. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with us staying here for a couple of days.”

Howie gave me a look that was almost patronizing. “Brian clearly feels differently.”

“He needs to come to terms with what’s happened sooner rather than later.” I deadpanned. “Staying here might help him do that.”

“Or it might cause him to fall apart completely.” Howie pointed out. “In all fairness, Brian’s not the only one who needs to come to terms with what’s happened.”

I took note of Howie’s pointed look before dropping my eyes to the floor. “I’ve come to terms with it.”

“Have you?” Howie pressed. “You just had a screaming match with Brian over sleeping arrangements.”

I sighed; damn Howie and his ability to see through my façade. “I can’t stop thinking about the fact that things just don’t seem to add up.”

“What do you mean?” Howie’s eyes drifted towards the surveillance photos that the detectives had left behind.

“Why was Nick even at that club in the first place?” I rubbed forcefully at my face and leaned forward so that my elbows were resting on my knees. “The European leg of the tour ended less than two months ago. We had no indication that Nick was using again and all of a sudden he turns up dead with a baggy of coke in his pocket.” I took a deep breath and pushed myself to continue. “I spoke to him less than a week ago and he seemed perfectly fine. He was telling me that he and Lauren were planning on having us all over for a belated housewarming party before we hit the road again. He was going on and on about their wedding plans. He was in a good place, Howie.”

“Maybe he was just doing a really good job of hiding the fact that he was in trouble again.” Howie suggested. “This wouldn’t be the first time that Nick has hid his problems from us.”

“No.” I shook my head empathetically. “Something is definitely off. The fact that Lauren is nowhere to be found is what’s really getting to me. Why aren’t the police making more of an effort to find her? Why haven’t we been contacted by her family? It seems as though nobody is making a big deal over the fact that she’s missing. Why wasn’t she with Nick on Saturday night?”

“It’s bugging me too.” Howie agreed. “She hasn’t called us. She hasn’t contacted the police. She hasn’t reached out to anyone, as far as we know of. I’ve tried calling her God knows how many times and her phone always goes straight to voicemail.”

“I tried calling her mother.” I admitted. “The call went straight to voicemail as well. Nobody has called me back.”

“Do you think that she’s being tortured somewhere?”

I started at Howie’s rather blunt question and delivered my own honest answer in response. “I think the police already know that she’s dead.”

It was Howie’s turn to look surprised. “What?”

“Why else wouldn’t they be publicizing the fact that she’s missing?” I challenged. “I think that the police must know something about her whereabouts on Saturday night that we don’t.”

“Lauren – Lauren wouldn’t hurt Nick.” Howie looked as if he was going to be sick. “She just wouldn’t!”

“Jesus, Howie!” I shook my head in admonishment. “I know that! I just told you that I think she’s dead, not a murderer!”

“I’m sorry.” Howie apologized, leaning his head back against the plush cushions of the couch. “What are you saying?”

“The attack on Nick was targeted, we know that.” I chose my words carefully. “I think that whoever carried out the attack against Nick has probably already killed Lauren. I would be willing to bet that the police have already found her body and that they’re staying tight lipped about their discovery until they have enough evidence to bring in a suspect.”

“I don’t understand.” Howie still looked confused. “Why wouldn’t the police tell us if they already know that Lauren is dead? Why would they make us suffer like this?”

“Think about it, Howie.” I sighed. “It’s obvious from the Next of Kin Contact form that Nick recently revamped his will so that Lauren would be the primary beneficiary.”

Howie's eyes lit up as he made the connection. “Shit! If Nick made Lauren the only beneficiary and she were to suddenly become ineligible to claim everything …”

I pressed my lips together and squeezed my eyes shut. “Guess who it would automatically default to?”

“This is all just speculation, Kev.” Howie was clearly nervous; his voice was shaking. “We need to find a copy of the will.”

“That’s partially why I wanted to stay here.” I forced my eyes open. “I need some time to look around.”

The room was suddenly illuminated by the brilliant glow of headlights. Brian was obviously back from his errand and I steeled myself for the impending hostility. If it hadn’t been for Howie’s peacemaking skills, Brian and I would still be at each other’s throats.

“Are you planning on sharing your theory with Brian and AJ?” Howie asked. “Or is this just between you and me?”

I brought my eyes to the window and watched as AJ and Brian exited the car. AJ pulled two massive pizza boxes out of the backseat in place of the KFC bags that I had been expecting to see. I rolled my eyes as the two of them approached the house with smiles plastered on their faces; immensely proud of their intentional disregard for my instructions. “We’ll keep it just between you and me.”

The next morning, I awoke to the sound of music; loud, thumping pop music to be exact. It took me a few minutes to figure out where I was, and when I finally remembered that I was in Nick’s house the nightmare that was the day before came flooding back in a wave of emotion. I groped for my phone and pulled it off of the nightstand. Ignoring the steady thump of the bass from downstairs, I pressed Kristin’s number and brought the phone to my ear. I suddenly had a desperate, overwhelming need to hear my wife’s voice.

“Hello?”

“Hi, honey, it’s me.” I pushed myself up against the padded headboard and stuffed one of the many throw pillows behind my back. “I was just calling to check in.”

“I was expecting to hear from you earlier.” Kristin’s voice was laced with worry. “It’s already after ten.”

“It is?” I hurriedly glanced at the clock on the nightstand. The little red numbers informed me that it was 10:19 A.M. I couldn’t remember the last time that I had slept-in past eight o’clock. “I went to bed pretty late.”

“You’re just waking up?” Kristin was incredulous. “You must have been exhausted.”

“The whole thing – the whole Nick thing is really taking its toll.” I rubbed absently at my eyes. “If Lauren doesn’t show up by the end of the day, everything becomes my responsibility.”

“The other guys are there with you.” Kristin paused. “Don’t be afraid to ask them for help.”

“I don’t know if they’ll be allowed to help.” I hesitated, not wanting it to sound like I was making excuses. “I was the one who Nick identified on the form.”

“He also named Brian.” Kristin reminded me. “He’ll help you if you ask him to. If nothing else, he’ll go with you when you have to – when you have to – when you confirm that it’s Nick.”

“Yeah.” I answered simply. I didn’t see the point in telling Kristin that Brian and I had gotten into an argument over something as petty as where we were going to spend the night. It would only make her more worried than she already was. “I know that he would come with me.”

“I tried calling Lauren.” Kristin sounded more than a bit sheepish. “It went straight to voicemail.”

I let out a small laugh. “I tried calling her too. So did Howie.”

“Do you think that she’s being held captive somewhere?” Kristin asked the question with far more emotion than Howie had. I could tell by her voice that she had already convinced herself that Lauren had met the same fate as Nick.

“I dunno, Kris.” I also didn’t see the point in sharing my conspiracy theory with my wife. Howie hadn’t been judgemental because he could see my reasoning. Kristin would likely think that I had gone crazy, and she would probably insist on signing me up for therapy if I started raving about the police concealing the fact that Lauren was dead. “I really don’t know where she is.”

“I was talking to Leigh and Ro yesterday.” Kristin announced. “We were wondering if there’s anything that you guys need us to do ... if there’s anything that you want us to help you arrange.”

I took a calming breath; she was talking about the funereal. I hadn’t even allowed myself to think that far ahead. “Not yet. We’ll let you know.”

“Okay.” There was a long pause. “You guys might want to think about releasing a statement to the fans. The Internet is becoming a pretty nasty, spiteful place as far as you guys are concerned.”

“Great.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’ll phone Eddie at some point today. At the very least, we should be able to post an official statement on the website before the end of the day.”

“I wasn’t saying that you needed to make it a priority.” Kristin clarified. “Ro and I can always post something on Twitter if you want. That may pacify people for a little while.”

A horrifying thought suddenly entered my mind. “Has the media been giving you a hard time?”

“I haven’t been out of the house.” Kristin admitted. “Although, Leigh did mention that a local reporter approached her at the grocery store yesterday afternoon. She brushed them off; took it in stride, just like she always does.”

A slow smile spread across my face. Howie’s wife was a pro when it came to the media. If Leigh didn’t want to talk, you had absolutely no chance at getting anything out of her. “I’ll see if Howie knows anything about that.”

“The boys are getting antsy.” Kristin’s voice all of a sudden sounded very small and very far away. “I should go.”

The smile immediately left my face. “I miss you guys.”

“We miss you too.” Kristin affirmed. “Stay safe.”

I stared longingly at my phone for almost a full minute after hanging up. I didn’t think that I had ever missed my wife more than I did at that very moment. It was the steady thumping of music and the unmistakeable sound of Brian and AJ’s voices mixing together that eventually gave me the strength to swing my feet to the floor. Despite the familiarity of the sound, I was almost afraid to go downstairs and find out what the two of them were doing.

** BRIAN **

“Next track!” Howie wiped the tears from his eyes and collapsed into another fit of laughter. “That one was definitely Lauren’s choice!”

AJ and I stopped our horrendous rendition of Selena Gomez’s “Love You like a Love Song” mid-verse, and I reached for my coffee as AJ hurried over to the small stereo on the counter. While eating breakfast, the three of us had stumbled upon an iPod touch in what was quite possibly the messiest junk drawer that I had ever seen. Naturally, we had immediately plugged the device into the kitchen stereo to see what was on it. When we had been greeted with Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA”, AJ had immediately suggested that we continue to flip through the tracks and guess who had downloaded each song: Lauren or Nick.

I took a long swallow of coffee and set the mug down hard on the kitchen table as the next track began to pump through the speakers. It took me a moment to identify the song, but once I knew what it was I shot AJ a massive grin.

“Nick!” We announced in unison.

Howie’s eyes darted back and forth between the two of us in confusion. “What song is it? I don’t recognize it.”

“You will.” AJ promised. He turned up the volume so that the bass was thumping through the house and nodded in my direction before belting out the first verse.

‘I'm that flight that you get on, international / First class seat on my lap girl, riding comfortable / Cause I know what the girl them need, New York to Haiti / I got lipstick stamps on my passport, make it hard to leave …’

AJ was wiggling his behind in Howie’s general direction and singing along as if his life depended on it. He waved his hand frantically in an effort to get me to join in.

I choked back my laughter just in time to add my voice to the chorus, joining in AJ’s ridiculous dance as I sang along.

‘Been around the world, don't speak the language / But your booty don't need explaining / All I really need to understand is / Will you talk dirty to me? / Talk dirty to me …’

Howie’s eyes finally lit up in recognition as he watched AJ and I bounce around the kitchen. “Jason Derulo’s ‘Talk Dirty to Me’! You guys are right. This was totally Nick’s choice!”

“What’s going on?”

AJ and I stumbled into each other as we both turned to look at Kevin. He had, apparently, finally decided to wake up, and he was now standing in the doorway to the kitchen. His face was radiating a mixture of surprise and displeasure.

“We’re playing a game!” Howie shouted to be heard above the music. “Who picked the song? Nick or Lauren?”

Kevin’s eyebrows cinched together in disbelief. “What?”

“Come on, Kev!” AJ yelled. “Talk dirty to me!” He hip-checked me into the counter and assumed his best gangster face as 2 Chainz’s contribution to the song began to emit from the speakers.

‘Dos Cadenas, close to genius / Sold out arenas, you can suck my penis / Get with arenas, guns on deck / Chest to chest, tongue on neck …’

I grabbed my stomach as I pitched forward into the counter. I was laughing so hard that I could barely breathe. AJ was now ‘rapping’ with so much intensity that I could hardly understand what he was saying.

“Okay.” Kevin walked purposefully over to the stereo and shut it off. “That’s enough.”

“Did we wake you up?” Howie asked, clearly searching for the origin of Kevin’s bad mood. “Sorry.”

Kevin looked around at the three of us in disbelief. “Why are you all having so much fun?”

“What do you want us to do?” AJ shot back. “Hold hands and cry?”

“No, AJ.” Kevin rolled his eyes. “I don’t want us to sit around and cry.”

“Then what’s your issue?” I crossed the kitchen and sat down next to Howie at the table, dragging my steaming mug across the wood.

I was beyond annoyed that Kevin had felt the need to ruin our good time. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I hadn’t been wallowing in the sadness of Nick’s death. Thanks to my cousin’s unnecessary intervention, I had plummeted right back down into the dark and depressing reaches of my grief.

“We have some stuff that we need to discuss.” Kevin pulled a mug from the cupboard and busied himself with the task of filling it to the brim with coffee.

“Like what?” AJ sat down in the chair across from me and scowled. “I don’t feel like talking about Nick.”

“Tough shit.” Kevin added some milk to his cup and took a seat next to AJ. “We’re gonna talk about him anyway.”

“Great.” AJ bristled. “What’s first on the agenda?”

Kevin sighed and looked to me for support, but I purposefully avoided his gaze. I didn’t feel like talking about Nick either.

“I spoke to Leigh last night.” Howie jumped in to smooth things over. “She said that the fans are clamouring for us to make a statement.”

“Kristin told me the same thing this morning.” Kevin nodded in agreement. “I think that we should put something together for the website before we do anything else.”

“That’s what you’re making a priority right now?” AJ demanded. “A stupid comment for the fucking website?”

“It’s not stupid.” Howie defended Kevin’s decision. “It’s something that needs to be done before someone else makes the executive decision to post something for us.”

“Fine.” AJ sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. “What are we gonna say?”

“I think that we just need to acknowledge that he’s – that he’s gone.” Kevin stammered. “We can’t really say too much more, because we don’t know any of the details yet ourselves.”

“Do we each want to include a memory or something like that?” Howie suggested. “How long do we want this statement to be?”

“We need a laptop.” I interjected; my heart was thumping wildly just from thinking about the possibility of having to put my feelings on paper. “That way we can type the message out and send it to Eddie right away.” I stood up from the table and left the kitchen before anyone could protest.

I could still hear the sombre voices of the other guys as I made my way down the hallway. I paused in front of the door to Nick’s home office, my fingers resting lightly on the doorknob. My already racing heart picked up speed as I pushed open the door and stepped inside. Nick’s presence was overwhelming. I could feel my chest tightening as I walked slowly towards the desk, running the tips of my fingers along the items that lined the shelves as I passed.

Nick’s entire life was on display in this room. Intermixed between the platinum albums and the awards were framed pictures of Lauren and his family. Sports memorabilia, video games, knickknacks, CDs, and instruments; every single thing in the room screamed Nick. I paused less than a foot away from the desk and stared at one of the shelves; it was a startling collection of everything Backstreet. There were photos of the five of us from every single stage of our career, from the very beginning to as recent as a few months ago. There was a ticket from the opening night of our first headlining tour, newspaper clippings about our concerts, birth announcements for every single one of our children, and a photo from each of our weddings. It was all there, perfectly preserved like a real-life, unmoving documentary.

The tears were stinging my eyes as I reached for one of the older pictures that occupied a place of prominence in the middle of the shelf. The frame was cheap and worn, a stark contrast to the other well-polished frames that had obviously been purposefully updated to ensure that they were aesthetically coordinated. I could remember the picture being taken. I could remember Nick throwing his arms around my shoulders and pinching my cheeks. I could remember laughing and swatting at him after the picture had been taken. Most of all, I could remember how happy the two of us had been back then. We had both been so young, so careless at that point in our lives. At that time, we had our whole lives ahead of us, a whole career to build; we had only just been getting started.

The tears were falling now; slow and silent. I returned the picture to the shelf and turned to retrieve what had brought me into the room in the first place. The laptop was open on the desk and it sprang to life as I moved to close it. Against my better judgement, I sank down onto the plush leather executive chair and stared at the screen. I wiped at my face with the back of my hand to clear my vision as I pulled myself closer to the computer.

Nick had just finished uploading pictures. The newly created file was still on the screen and my finger shook as I clicked on the option to view the slideshow. Lauren’s face flashed before my eyes and I couldn’t help but smile as I advanced to the next picture; she really was a beautiful woman. The next picture appeared and I smiled again. It was one of AJ and Howie goofing off backstage during a stop on our most recent European tour. As I scrolled through the file, I realized that they were all recent pictures; mostly candid shots taken during the last few months when the five of us had been overseas.

I found myself crying again as I watched the images roll by: Nick jumping on Kevin’s back, Mason and Baylee playing X-Box with AJ, Howie and Leigh cuddling on a couch, Howie and Leigh freaking out because Nick had jumped on top of them, Kevin drinking a beer, me crawling on the floor after Ava, Lauren and Nick simultaneously kissing AJ on opposite cheeks, Rochelle and Nick twerking, me and Nick doubled over in laughter, Kristin holding Max, Howie reading to James and Holden, Nick blowing out the candles on my 39th birthday cake, Baylee giving Nick a dirty looking for blowing out my candles, me and Nick with our arms around each other sporting old-school, fan-crafted Frick and Frack hats, and a group shot of the five of us laughing and hanging off of each other with none of us looking at the camera.

“Brian?”

I raised my wet eyes from the screen and stared at Howie in surprise. He was standing less than a foot away from me and I hadn’t even noticed him.

“Are you okay?”

“I was just looking at these pictures.” I gestured at the screen, making no move to wipe away my tears. “I don’t even remember half of these being taken.”

Howie moved beside me and looked at the screen, his eyes instantly glued to the continuously changing images. “Nick’s such a goof.” His voice caught in his throat as he corrected himself. “He was such a goof.”

“I think I know what our message should be.”

Howie said nothing as I forced my trembling fingers to open a new Word document. I navigated back to the image folder and copied the candid group shot of the five of us into the blank document before dropping down two lines and beginning to type.

Nickolas Gene Carter
1980 – 2014

We now know gone without goodbye.
~AJ, Brian, Howie & Kevin~

I finished typing and paused with my fingers resting on the keys. The picture was once again starting to blur and for a fleeting moment I wished that I was stronger. I wished that I was able to hold it together. I wished that it didn’t hurt as much as it did.

“It’s perfect.”

I turned to face Howie and I was shocked to see the tears running down his face and dripping off of his chin. This wasn’t Howie. Howie was the one who always held it together, who helped the rest of us make it through. Howie was the one who kept everything inside until he was alone, until he was sure that everyone else as okay. If Howie was breaking down, we were all doomed.

“What’s happening?” AJ was standing in the doorway. He looked back and forth between the two of us, and for a split second I thought that he was actually going to turn and run away. “What did you guys find?”

Howie motioned for AJ to come closer. “Brian’s written the message that we’re going to post on the site.”

AJ took a few tentative steps into the room and stopped on the opposite side of the desk. “Howie ...”

“I’m fine.” Howie swiped at his tears and spun the laptop around for AJ’s benefit. “What do you think? The picture is part of it.”

AJ studied the screen for a long moment in silence. When he finally spoke his voice was hoarse. “Let’s send it to Eddie.”

“What the hell are you doing now?” Kevin entered the room and stepped up next to AJ. “None of you came back.”

“The posting is done.” AJ pointed at the screen and wiped at a tear that was building in the corner of his eye.

Kevin nodded gradually, his eyes moving slowly back and forth as he read and re-read the one line comment. He pulled his phone from his pocket and tapped at the screen. “I’ll tell Eddie that we’re sending it right now.”

** HOWIE **

“Howie?”

“Huh?” I sat straight up and stared fruitlessly into the darkness. “Who’s there?”

“It’s me.”

“Kevin?” The room was pitch black and I swung my arm out in a blind attempt to locate the bedside lamp. I didn’t even know what time it was.

“Are you awake?”

“I’m talking to you aren’t I?” My frustration was rising by the second, both at my inability to find the lamp and at Lauren and Nick’s inane decorating choices. Who in their right mind hung black-out curtains in a guest room?

“I need you to come with me.”

“What?” I finally located the lamp and pulled frantically at the string. Soft light flooded the room and I blinked rapidly to clear my vision. Kevin was standing at the foot of the bed, staring down at me with a forlorn expression. His despondent behaviour totally screamed cheesy horror film. “Where are you going?”

“To see Nick.”

“What?” I wrestled with the duvet and pulled my phone off of the nightstand to check the time. “It’s five o’clock in the morning.”

“I know. Detective Eaton just called me. He wants me to come down and identify the body before it gets too crazy at the coroner’s office. Apparently, they have been having a few issues with the media.”

“He wants you to go now?” My brain was still fuzzy with sleep; it was hard to think. “And you want me to come with you?”

“That’s right.” Kevin’s eyes were pleading. “Two of us have to go.”

My heart beat increased as I took in Kevin’s mournful expression. If he was admitting to needing help, he was really hurting. “Will the police even let me in?”

Kevin nodded. “Detective Eaton said that I could bring one of you with me.”

“Did Brian say ‘no’?” I pushed the blankets away from my body and swung my feet to the floor.

“No.” Kevin looked slightly offended by my question. “I didn’t even ask him.”

“You didn’t?” I stopped halfway to the adjoining bathroom and turned to stare at Kevin in surprise. “You asked me first?”

Kevin nodded again. “Does this mean that you’re going to come with me?”

“Yeah.” I ran a nervous hand through my hair and sighed. “Just let me take a quick shower.”

Fifteen minutes later, Kevin and I were on our way to the coroner’s office. The silence enveloped us like a blanket, both of us lost in our own thoughts as Kevin navigated the rental car through the nearly deserted downtown streets. My stomach churned and my eyelids felt like they weighed upwards of a thousand pounds. I had spent the better part of the night on the phone with Leigh pouring out my sorrows in a series of unintelligible sobs at the long-distance rate of eight cents per minute. Brian’s short but poignant message for the website had been the trigger; those six simple words had been enough to push me over the edge. For the first time since losing my sister, I had cried myself to sleep. Leigh had stayed on the line with me the entire time, listening to me bewail my inability to save Nick before it was too late. Her soft, soothing voice had eventually enabled me to drift into a fitful sleep. My dreams had been plagued by images of Nick’s smiling face.

“Do you want coffee?”

“Coffee?” The word fell out of my mouth as if it were a foreign concept.

“Yeah, coffee.” Kevin repeated. “You look exhausted.”

“I had a rough night.” I rubbed absently at my heavy eyes. “Coffee might be a good idea.”

“I heard you.” Kevin admitted, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “Talking to Leigh last night.”

I turned my face to the window in embarrassment. What Kevin really meant was that he had heard me blubbering like a baby into my pillow. “Sorry.”

“You’re sorry for what?” There was a hint of anger in Kevin’s words. “For crying over Nick? There’s no shame in being upset, Howie.”

“I know that.” I kept my face glued to the window as Kevin swung the car into a Dunkin Donuts drive through. “You know how I am …”

“I know that you like to keep things bottled up.” Kevin paused mid-accusation to give our order to the woman manning the drive through. He waited until we had collected our coffee before he continued. “You don’t always need to be the one who holds things together. You don’t need to stay strong for our benefit.”

I took a sip of coffee and ran the tip of my finger along the outer edge of the lid. “Someone needs to be strong.”

“Not in this situation.” Kevin shook his head. “Kristin called me out for trying to go at this alone and I realized that she’s right; we can’t be afraid to ask each other for help.”

“Is that why you asked me to come with you?” I took another sip of coffee and waited for Kevin to respond.

“This is going to be one of the hardest, if not THE hardest, thing that I’ve ever done in my life.” Kevin acknowledged. “I don’t have the strength to get through it alone.”

“What about Brian and AJ?” I approached the subject cautiously. “Brian, especially, seems to be pushing us away.”

“The fact that Brian is unhappy with me is my fault.” Kevin frowned. “I should have been more willing to see things from his perspective, to understand where he was coming from.”

I nodded in agreement. This was a side to Kevin that I wasn’t used to seeing. Usually it took him forever and a day to admit that he was in the wrong, if he ever admitted it at all.

“Brian and AJ are leaning on each other.” Kevin continued. “Just like they always do.”

“It’s weird isn’t it?” I muttered. “The way that the two of them gravitate towards each other without even realizing it.”

“It is weird.” Kevin snorted. “It’s weird but commonplace all at the same time.”

I fell silent as Kevin swung the car into a parking spot in front of a non-descript, brown bricked building. A small sign indicated that we had arrived at the Franklin Coroner’s Office. My stomach was churning once again; I didn’t know if I would be able to provide much support. I took a long pull of coffee in the hopes that it would bring me the courage that I so desperately needed and pushed open the door.

Detective Eaton was strolling towards us before my feet had even connected with the asphalt. I could see Detective Bell lurking in the distance, speaking with a short blonde woman in a white lab coat. The air was crisp and calm; the beginning of a perfect late spring day and not at all suited to the task that Kevin and I were about to perform.

“Mr. Richardson.” Detective Eaton extended his hand as he approached the car. “Thank you for agreeing to come in so early.”

“It’s fine.” Kevin’s face was set as he shook hands with the detective. “I assume that I’m here because Lauren is still nowhere to be found.”

Detective Eaton pursed his lips. “That’s right, Mr. Richardson. Ms. Kitt’s responsibilities have now defaulted to you.”

I tightened my grip on the take-out cup in my hand. Kevin’s suspicions about Lauren’s whereabouts were running through my head as I listened to him interact with Detective Eaton. The man looked so stoic and well-composed that I couldn’t help but wonder what he was hiding from us.

“It won’t take long.” Detective Eaton gave me a cursory glance as he motioned for us to follow him into the building. “It’s a simple process.”

Kevin and I exchanged a slightly terrified look as we trailed along after the detective. While I took some consolation in the fact that Kevin looked as sick as I felt, I realized the fact that we were both nervous wasn’t going to make the impending task any easier.

Detective Bell issued us both a small smile as we joined him at the door. “This is Dr. Huck.” He introduced the middle-aged woman standing next to him. “She’ll be the one conducting the autopsy after the identification has been made.”

I simply nodded in the woman’s direction, afraid that my voice wouldn’t work even if I did have something to say to her. To her credit, Dr. Huck didn’t attempt to make pleasantries. Instead, she pulled open the door to the building and silently indicated that we were expected to follow.

I kept my eyes firmly locked on Dr. Huck’s blonde bob as we trooped down a narrow hallway towards the back of the building. There were rooms on either side of the hallway, but all of the doors were firmly closed. Everything seemed overly sterile and eerily silent. The only sounds were coming from our shoes as we thumped across the sparkling tile floor.

“Which one of you is Kevin Richardson?” Dr. Huck came to a stop in front of a large, cluttered desk and picked up a piece of paper from the top of the pile. She turned to face us; her green eyes were large and kind.

“That’s me.” Kevin identified himself with a wave of his hand. He set his coffee cup down on the edge of the desk and forced himself to look pleasant. “I’d like to get this over with as soon as possible, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course.” Dr. Huck smiled. She clipped the piece of paper that she had selected from the desk onto a clipboard and motioned towards a heavy looking door to her left. “If you’ll just follow me.”

I gave Kevin what I hoped was a reassuring look and sat down in one of the chairs that lined the wall opposite the door. “I’ll be right here.”

Kevin’s smile was tight and forced as he allowed Dr. Huck to guide him through the door. Both Detective Bell and Detective Eaton followed him inside, leaving me alone in the small office. I took another sip of coffee and tried not to stare directly at the door. I could hear muffled voices coming from the other side and my right leg began to shake in anticipation. Like Kevin had said, I just wanted this to be over and done with.

No less than two minutes later, the door banged open and Detective Bell re-emerged with a grim look on his face. Kevin stumbled out after the sturdy looking man, Detective Eaton’s hand curled tightly around his upper arm. I hastily placed my coffee cup on the floor and rose from my seat. Kevin looked terrible; he was white as a sheet and he was clutching at his chest, his breathing laboured.

“What happened?” I demanded. “Kevin?”

“He needs to sit.” Detective Eaton commanded. He forced Kevin into the chair that I had just vacated and roughly pushed his head down between his knees. “Take deep breaths, Mr. Richardson. You’ll be alright in a few minutes.”

“Kevin?” My voice was painfully high-pitched. I sounded like James. “What the hell happened in there? Is it that bad?”

“Mr. Dorough, we’re going to need you to confirm the identification that Mr. Richardson just provided.” Detective Bell’s voice matched his face; grim.

“What?” I squeaked; my eyes still locked on Kevin who was struggling to regain his composure. “Why?”

“This way, Mr. Dorough.” Detective Bell placed a steady hand on my shoulder and turned me towards the room, ignoring my questions. “Your friend will be fine in a few minutes.”

I craned my neck to continue looking at Kevin as I allowed myself to be guided into the room. I was pretty sure that he was in no condition to be left alone, but the detectives seemed to think otherwise. It wasn’t until the door had swung closed that I allowed myself to face forward.

The sight that greeted me was far more terrifying than anything I could have imagined. Dr. Huck was standing on the other side of a metal table; a metal table that contained a body, a body covered in a white sheet. I swallowed hard and looked around frantically for something to hold on to, but the only thing close to me was the table and I sure as hell wasn’t about to touch it.

The sheet covering the corpse was a little off centre and I could see a small segment of skin peeking out from beneath the stark whiteness of the fabric. It was part of an arm that was showing, an arm that had a tattoo; an arm that had a tattoo that I recognized. My legs were slowly giving out. I was going to crash to the floor if I didn’t get out of the room within the next few seconds.

“Mr. Dorough, I’m going to uncover the face. When I do, all you have to do is tell me if you recognize it.” Dr. Huck spoke slowly, her voice gentle. “Do you understand?”

I nodded dumbly. My heart was in my throat as Dr. Huck raised her hands and slowly pulled the sheet away from the body. I stared down at the face in horror. My voice failed me at the same time as my legs. I could feel myself going down, but I couldn’t do anything to stop myself from stumbling backwards into the wall. Detective Bell’s strong arms caught me as I dropped; before everything went black.

** AJ **

I knew that Brian was awake even though I hadn’t seen or heard him. His scent lingered on the stairwell as I descended to the first floor; a mixture of Old Spice body wash and Ralph Lauren cologne.

“Brian?” I called his name as I wandered into the kitchen. “Where you at?”

Silence.

“Brian?” I tried again, a little bit louder. I pulled a mug from the cupboard and turned to the coffee maker. It was on; a fresh pot simmering on the burner. “Thanks for making coffee!”

Silence.

“Brian?” I tried again, my voice rising ever so slightly. Where was he?

I moved to open the fridge and the handwritten note smacked me in the face. I pulled the paper off of the fridge and scanned Kevin’s all too familiar handwriting. My face flushed with anger as I digested the contents of the note. He and Howie had gone to identify the body without even bothering to wake me up.

“Fuck you, Kevin!” I ripped open the door to the fridge and pulled out the milk. “Fuck you too, Howie!” I splashed some milk into my cup and angrily shoved the carton back into the fridge. I was well aware of the fact that I was yelling at inanimate objects, but I didn’t care. I was beyond pissed. “Fuck both of you assholes!”

I pulled a spoon out of the sink, swirled the brown liquid around in my cup, and dropped the spoon back into the sink with a noisy clatter. My blood was simmering beneath my skin; I was going to tear into Kevin and Howie as soon as they walked back through the door. How could they have made the decision to go without us? How dare they exclude Brian and me from something so important!

Nacho appeared at my feet and butted his wrinkled face against my shin. I dropped my eyes to the pathetic looking creature and softened my voice. “What’s up, Nacho?” I raised my eyes to his food bowl that was still no less than half full. “Are you looking for food?”

Nacho responded by head-butting me again and letting out a small grunt. He began breathing heavily, obviously overcome with the effort of requesting more food.

“I think you need to go on a diet.” I scolded while opening the cupboard and plunging the scoop into the massive bag of dog food. “If you end up going home with Brian he’s going to put you on a diet.”

Nacho blinked once, his eyes trained on the heaping scoop of food. I walked over to his bowl, which was still pretty well stocked, and emptied the scoop into the plastic container. Nacho showed his appreciation by burying his face deep into the kibble before I even had a chance to withdraw my hand.

“Someone’s a little pig.” I mumbled.

My eyes drifted to the back door as I stood up, catching sight of the fact that it was just resting in the frame. I returned the scoop to the bag of dog food and picked up my coffee before making my way to the door.

“Brian?” The scent of early morning dew was still hanging in the air. “What are you doing out here?”

Brian had his back to me. He was sitting on the top step of the wooden stairs that led down to the backyard. A coffee mug was beside him on the deck, next to a package of cigarettes that he must have swiped from my room.

“Did you see the note?”

I pulled the back door closed and crossed the deck in a matter of steps. I sat down next to Brian on the deck and placed my mug next to his. “Yeah I saw it.”

Brian gave me a sideways glance, just enough to let me see the hurt in his eyes. He slowly twirled an unlit cigarette between his fingers as he spoke. “I suppose that it was nice of them to let us know where they went.”

“I suppose.” The sight of Brian holding a cigarette was doing me in. The fact that he seemed at least semi-comfortable holding it was even more surreal. I pulled my own cigarette from the package and lit up before I continued. “How long have you been out here?”

Brian shrugged. “Maybe ten minutes.”

I exhaled slowly and forced myself to remain facing forward. I stared across Nick’s expansive backyard, my eyes fixated on the water rippling in the pool. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brian begin to fumble with my lighter. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Brian effortlessly twirled the still unlit cigarette between his fingers. “About how Kevin and Howie took it upon themselves to decide what the two of us can and can’t handle?”

“We could start there.” I acknowledged. “Or we could start by you telling me why you felt the need to steal from me.”

A slow smile appeared on Brian’s face. He knew that I was only half serious. “You were in the shower.”

“Fair enough.” I pulled my eyes away from the pool and turned to Brian. He stared back at me; his eyes hard and defiant. “What’s with the cigarette?” I prodded. “You thinking of taking up smoking?”

“It’s either this or alcohol.” Brian deadpanned. “I figured that a few cigarettes might be easier to hide than drinking to the point where I can no longer feel.”

“It all depends on how often you’re planning on trying to hide your behaviour.” I countered.

Once again, Brian looked at me in defiance. “I only drink heavily when something terrible happens.”

“Define terrible.” I challenged.

“Lou stealing our money, you entering rehab, Baylee being diagnosed with Kawasaki’s, Kevin leaving the group, falling out with Nick over his addiction, my voice going to shit …” Brian rhymed off the items on his fingers. “Do you want me to continue?”

“Your voice isn’t going to shit.” I chose the item that I found the least painful. “It’s been sounding better recently.”

“You’re a bad liar.” Brian shot back. He crushed his unlit cigarette on the side of the deck and flicked it onto the ground below. “But I appreciate your comment all the same.”

“I’m not lying.” I insisted. “Although taking up smoking probably isn’t going to do your voice any favours.”

“You’re one to talk.” Brian muttered. “I don’t think that I could have brought myself to do it anyway. I’ll just stick with the heavy drinking. I’ve done it for years; whenever the stress becomes too much.”

“I’ve known you for over twenty years.” I shook my head. “Not once have I ever noticed.”

“I’m a good liar.” Brian quipped. “Unlike you.”

I laughed genuinely. “You mean that you’re better at sneaking around. You and I both know that you’re a horrible liar.”

“Fine.” Brian conceded. “I’m good at hiding stuff.”

“You’ve been slipping up recently though.” I seized my opportunity as we both reached for our coffee. “You’re hanging up on Leighanne, admitting to getting drunk to dull your pain ...”

Brian gave me an unreadable look. “I just don’t care anymore. Now that Nick’s gone, I realize that life is too short to hide things, to pretend to be a person that you’re not.”

I took a long sip of coffee and waited for him to continue. Something told me that he wasn’t finished.

“I wasted so many years waiting for Nick to get his life back on track. I pushed him away when he needed me the most, and I did it for the most selfish reason possible. I did it because I was afraid of what people would think of me if I put myself out there and stood up for him. I was worried that people would turn their backs on me if they found out that my marriage isn’t perfect, that my behaviour isn’t perfect, that my friends aren’t perfect, and that my life isn’t perfect.” Brian stared into his mug and took an unsteady breath. “I can’t keep pretending to be someone that I’m not.”

“You told all of this to Nick recently, didn’t you?”

Brian nodded slowly, a faraway look overtaking his eyes. “Re-establishing my friendship with Nick was the motivation that I needed to make the change. I figured that if he could completely turn his life around than I could do the same. That’s why we were writing the new material, that’s why I was starting to show up at social stuff outside of work, that’s why I was spending so much time trying to escape the bubble of isolation that I've created for myself in Georgia.”

“I did notice that you had started to come out with us again.” I took another sip of coffee. “I was happy about that.”

Brian raised his eyes to my face, the faraway look dissipated. “I was happy about it too.”

“The changes don’t have to stop now that Nick is gone.” I pointed out. “In all fairness, I’ve made some pretty big changes in my life too.”

Brian laughed; his soft, southern chuckle. “I know you have.”

I returned the laugh, knowing that it was Brian’s way of accepting my offer to help. I was in the process of trying to figure out how to logically transition out of the ‘bromance’ moment that I had unintentionally created when my phone started to ring in my pocket.

Brian gave me a knowing look as I pulled it out and looked at the display. “Let me guess. It’s Kevin?”

“Of course it is.” I confirmed Brian’s guess; the anger immediately returning to my body. “I wonder what the fuck he wants.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “He probably thinks that we can’t handle the news in person, so he’s going to tell us over the phone.”

I smashed my thumb down on the screen to answer the call, simultaneously putting Kevin on speaker. “We got your note.” I chose to bypass the initial pleasantries. “That was a dick move, even for you.”

“We?” Kevin’s voice drifted through the speaker. He sounded exhausted. “Is Brian there too?”

“Of course he is!” I raged. “You left the two of us here like a couple of kids! Did it even occur to you that Brian and I would have wanted to come with you? Did you not think that we wanted to be there for support? I assume that you took Howie with you because you know that, out of all of us, he is the least likely to break down and embarrass you. Well, let me tell you something, Kevin, there is nothing wrong with the fact that Brian and I are having some trouble dealing with this! I actually find it pretty fucking sad that you’re trying to cover up the fact that you’re suffering, and don’t even get me started on ...”

“AJ!” Kevin interrupted. “For once in your life, can you please just shut the fuck up and let me speak?!”

“You’re always the one who gets to speak!” Brian spat. “Maybe it’s you who needs to take a step back and ...”

“Jesus Christ, Brian!” Kevin exploded. “I really need the two of you to listen to me right now!”

“You always need us to fucking listen to you!” I roared. “Maybe we’re tired of listening to you!”

“It’s not Nick!” Kevin screamed into the phone, his voice echoing through the early morning stillness. “Howie and I both looked at the body and it’s not Nick!”

Brian and I slowly raised our eyes from the phone and looked at each other in shocked silence. The colour had drained from Brian’s skin, and I was pretty sure my own face matched his ghostly white complexion.

“What - what do you mean that it’s not Nick?” I stammered. “Who the hell is it?”

“I don’t know.” Kevin’s voice had returned to its normal volume. “All I know is that it’s not Nick.”

** NICK **

“I think Brian is at our house.”

“Littrell?” Lauren’s voice sounded tinny; the speakers amplifying all the wrong sounds. “Why do you think that?”

“What other Brian do I know?” I clipped. Keeping one hand on the steering wheel, I fiddled with the Bluetooth settings with the other. My old phone had never made people sound like they were speaking to me from the bottom of a well. “His car is in our driveway.”

Lauren laughed; the poor Bluetooth connection making her giggles sound eerily hallow. “Did you know that he was coming? Did you guys make plans before we left?”

I racked my brain, but as far as I could remember Brian and I hadn’t made any plans for him to come up and visit. “I don’t think so.”

“Maybe he had a falling out with Leighanne.” Lauren broached the subject cautiously. “He could have tried to call you.”

I scrunched my face in annoyance as I thought about my previous iPhone that was currently sitting at the bottom of the ocean. I still couldn’t believe that I had been so stupid. Who goes swimming with their cell phone in their pocket?

“Maybe.” I sighed as I pushed the button to open the garage. The door rumbled to life and I navigated my car around Brian’s SUV and into the garage next to Lauren’s Audi. “He must have let himself in. I don’t see him hanging around the front.”

“If you get a chance, ask Brian why he and the other guys have been calling me pretty much non-stop since Sunday morning. Not one of them has had the common sense to leave a message.” Lauren laughed. I could practically hear her rolling her eyes on the other end of the line.

“I’ll ask him about it, but they were all probably trying to get in touch with me.” I guessed. “I don’t know why none of them left a message. We were gone for less than a week. What did they think? That we were dead or something?”

Lauren laughed even louder this time. “You probably forgot about some important meeting or something. I bet Kevin is ready to tear you a new one.”

“Shit!” I drummed my fingers anxiously on the steering wheel. “I don’t THINK that I’ve forgotten anything important. If I did miss something, I seriously hope that Brian is here to bail me out before Kevin gets a hold of me.”

“Well you two have fun.” Lauren giggled. I could tell that she was secretly taking pleasure in the fact that I had likely messed up once again. “I’ll talk to you in a few days; once my mom is satisfied that we’re fully cleansed of all the world’s evils.”

I resisted the urge to break out in a fit of laughter. Lauren’s mom had conned her into participating in this five day mind and body cleanse. From what I understood, it was going to involve a lot of yoga, tofu, and a total lack of communication with the outside world. Lauren’s mom had already been doing it for the past week and, when I had dropped Lauren off at her home in Florida, she had answered the door in a haze of incense and wheatgrass. Needless to say, I had begged out of the whole situation at rapid speed; insisting that it would be a lovely way for Lauren and her mom to reconnect. Lauren was still a little bit testy with me for leaving her in the lurch, but I figured that she had the next five days to mellow out and get over it.

“Good luck.” I offered. “I’m going to figure out why Brian is here and then re-sync my new phone.”

“I love you.” Lauren promised. “Try not to forget about me while I’m locked away in my purity bubble, or whatever the hell it is that my mom is calling it.”

I laughed again. “I love you too, babe. I’ll try my best to remember what you look like.”

Lauren’s call disconnected and I hastily pulled my new phone out of the centre console, removed the keys from the ignition, and grabbed my duffle bag from the backseat. Nudging the car door closed with my hip, I sidestepped my way around Lauren’s car and shuffled into the laundry room.

“Brian?” I dropped my duffle bag to the floor and tossed my keys on top of the dryer. “I know you’re here. I saw your car.”

Silence.

“Brian?” I tried again as I stepped into the kitchen. A quick look around confirmed that Brian was definitely around; the coffee maker was on, there were dirty dishes in the sink, and his cell phone was on the kitchen table. “Brian, where are you? I’m home!”

Silence.

I was about to head upstairs when I noticed movement on the deck. Changing my course, I swivelled on my heel and headed for the back door. My hands were sweaty as I reached for the handle; something inside of me had suddenly clicked and I had a horrible feeling that something was very, very wrong.

I stepped out onto the deck and stopped dead when I saw that Brian wasn’t alone. He and AJ were both sitting at the top of the wooden stairs, two coffee mugs and a pack of cigarettes occupying the sliver of space between them. AJ was holding his phone and they were both staring at it in pale-faced astonishment.

“What are you two doing here?”

AJ and Brian both flinched at the sound of my voice. The two of them whipped around; their eyes wide and frightened. AJ fumbled with his phone, nearly dropping it down the flight of stairs and unintentionally hanging up on whoever was on the other end as he struggled to control his shaking fingers.

“N-Nick?” AJ stuttered. “Holy fuck!”

“What are you two doing here?” I repeated the question, my eyes darting back and forth between the two of them. I was suddenly consumed by an irrational feeling of jealousy. Why were AJ and Brian in my backyard? What had they been talking about? Why did it seem as if I had just interrupted something that was only meant for the two of them?

“Nick, you’re – you’re not – you’re alive.” AJ scrambled to his feet and stared at me in what could only be described as complete and utter awe. “I don’t – I can’t – how is this possible?”

I raised my eyebrows at AJ and stole a quick glance at Brian who was still sitting on the deck. He looked absolutely petrified. “Of course I’m alive. What are you guys doing at my house?”

AJ took a step forward and grabbed onto my arm. He pressed his fingers into my skin and stared into my face. “Holy fuck!”

“AJ?” I was pretty sure that my eyebrows were about to fly off the top of my forehead. “Are you okay?”

“You’re not dead.” AJ said the phrase as though it were some sort of miracle. He continued to knead my arm and stare into my face. “You’re not dead.”

“Not the last time that I checked.” I let out a short, awkward laugh and attempted to pry my arm out of AJ’s grip. “Are you sure that you’re okay?”

Without warning, AJ slammed his body into mine with enough force to send me stumbling backwards towards the house. His fingers left my arm and both of his arms wrapped around my torso in what was literally a bone crushing embrace. He was laughing uncontrollably and slapping me on the back; tears streaming down his face.

“AJ?” I gasped; raising my arms to return the hug. He was holding me so tightly that I was starting to find it hard to breathe. “You’re crushing me.”

AJ pulled his wet face away from my chest, but he didn’t make any move to lessen his grip. He turned his elated expression towards Brian and began shaking me roughly back and forth. “Do you see this, Brian? It’s Nick! It’s fucking Nick!”

“I – I can – I see that.” Brian had finally managed to stand up, but he was still hanging back as though he was scared to come near me.

“He’s not dead!” AJ was shouting now. “Kevin was telling the truth; it wasn’t Nick!”

My lungs were starting to burn from the lack of oxygen, and things were starting to look a bit fuzzy around the edges. “AJ, dude, I seriously can’t breathe.”

“Shit!” AJ dropped his arms from around my chest and took a step back, wiping frantically at his tears. “Sorry.”

I took in a welcoming gulp of air and shook my head in confusion. “What the hell is wrong with the two of you?”

“We thought that you had been killed.” AJ reached out and touched my arm again as if to make sure that I was still really and truly standing in front of him. “For the past three days, we were under the impression that you were dead. The cops came to Kevin’s house and told him that you had been murdered.”

“What?” I struggled to wrap my mind around what AJ was saying. “Lauren and I went to Engagement Island. We left early last week.” My mind flashed to my newly revamped will, to the Next of Kin Contact form that I had created to ensure that my mother didn’t gain control of my estate. I was starting to feel sick. “The cops came to Kevin’s house?”

AJ nodded again. “The police found a body. Everyone thought that it was you. They showed us pictures. It was all over the news. We’ve released a statement. Kevin and Howie just called to say that the body wasn’t yours.”

My mouth fell open as I listened to AJ explain the situation in short, clipped statements. Everyone in the world thought that I was dead. I grabbed AJ’s arm in order to steady myself as I closed my eyes in an attempt to process the implications of my friends, my family, my fans, and even the general population believing that I had been killed. It didn’t even seem possible that such a situation could exist.

“You guys are here because you thought that I was dead?” I opened my eyes and stared long and hard into AJ’s face. “You’ve been here for the past three days?”

“It’s been so hard, Nick.” AJ’s voice wavered; his fingers were once again digging painfully into my skin. “We really thought that we’d never see you again.”

My heart was hammering now; beating erratically in my chest. I couldn’t even begin to put myself in their shoes. What would I have done if the situation had been reversed? Would I have been able to cope if I had thought that one of them had been killed? How would I have felt if I had been under the impression that I hadn’t been given the chance to say ‘goodbye’?

“I’m not dead.” The words sounded foreign as they left my mouth. “I’m not dead.”

AJ’s face broke out into a wide grin. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that. Hell, you have no idea how happy I am to see your stupid, goofy-looking face.”

I took one look at AJ’s tear streaked face and decided that I wasn’t going to slap him with a sarcastic comment. “You’re right Aje, I have no idea.”

“Brian?” Now that he was sure that I wasn’t going to collapse or disappear, AJ released his grip on my arm and redirected his attention towards Brian. “Are you okay?”

I followed AJ’s concerned gaze and stared at my best friend. Brian had been so quiet that I had almost forgotten that he was standing there.

Brian nodded slowly. He still hadn’t moved from his spot next to the stairs. “I’m fine.”

AJ and I both stepped forward at the same time, both of us picking up on the crack in Brian’s voice, both of us noticing the emotion crisscrossing his face. I couldn’t help it; the resentment that I had initially felt towards AJ when I had first stepped out onto the deck returned with vengeance as we both moved to comfort Brian. This wasn’t AJ’s place; he wasn’t part of Frick and Frack.

“Brian?” I used my long legs to my advantage and stepped in front of AJ, crossing the deck in a matter of steps. To his credit, AJ hung back and let me move forward. “What’s wrong?”

Brian swallowed hard and rubbed one of his shaking hands against the back of his neck. “I can’t believe that you’re here that’s all.”

My lips curled upwards into a smile. “Believe it. You didn’t really think that you were going to get rid of me that easily did you?”

Brian’s face crumbled. He quickly brought both of his hands to his face to wipe away his tears. “For three days I thought that you were dead!” The words came out in a garbled mess of sobs, his voice rising almost hysterically at the end.

“I’m not dead.” I repeated my earlier sentiment and urged him to step forward.

Brian’s body was shaking uncontrollably as he fell into me. If it had been anyone else, I would have been unsure of what to do. If it had been anyone else, the embrace would have felt awkward. Brian’s arms encircled my back with less force than AJ’s, but his grip was just as tight. I let him cling to me; let him cry softly into my chest in the same way that he had let me sob against him when I was younger and painfully homesick. As with AJ, my lungs felt tight; constricted by Brian’s grip. But with Brian, I made no move to pull away. Instead, I squeezed him back with all of the strength that I could muster, knowing that if the situation were reversed I would need him to do the same.

** KEVIN **

“Are you sure that you’re all right?” I killed the engine and leaned back in the seat, looking worriedly at Howie. “Maybe you should have some more water.”

“I don’t need more water, Kev.” Howie grumbled. He unbuckled his seatbelt and pushed open his door. “I’m fine.”

I sighed heavily as I followed Howie out of the car and up the walkway to Nick’s front door. It was only eight o’clock in the morning and I was already more than hoping for the chance to take a nap. My body felt as though it had been shattered into a thousand pieces and put back together with crazy glue. I still hadn’t recovered from the realization that the body on the table wasn’t Nick’s. I didn’t think that I would ever be able to forget the feeling that had come over me when I had first looked down and recognized that it wasn’t him.

While I was immensely grateful that the dead man wasn’t Nick, I could see how everyone had made the mistake. The man on the table, whoever he was, was a damn good doppelganger. The hair, the eyes, the nose, the build, the ears, the tattoos; everything about the dead man screamed Nick Carter. The police had based their initial identification off of pictures and off of the fact that Nick’s ID had been found on the body. It was easy to see how the mistake had been made. It was only because Howie and I knew Nick so well that we had been able to spot the difference. Any other casual observer would have immediately confirmed the police department’s incorrect identification.

“I need some Advil.” Howie announced as we stepped into the foyer. “I have a killer headache.”

“Me too.” I confirmed. “I wish there was a way to simply stop thinking.”

My mind had been running nonstop since leaving the coroner’s office. The dead man had obviously gone to great lengths to look exactly like Nick, and he had been killed as a result. If the man’s murder was indeed a case of mistaken identity, it stood to reason that the person who had killed the doppelganger had been attempting to kill Nick. If Nick had been the intended target, he was still in jeopardy; wherever he was.

Howie snorted. “I won’t be able to stop thinking about this until it’s over. Who the hell was that guy on the table and why did he look exactly like Nick? This whole thing is fucking creepy.”

I simply shrugged my shoulders and trailed after Howie as he made his way into the kitchen and began rooting through the cupboards in search of Advil. “It wasn’t a coincidence.” I muttered. “The dead guy’s tattoos were an exact replica of Nick’s.”

“That’s what I’m saying!” Howie located the Advil and popped two in his mouth without hesitation. He pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and took a long drink to help him swallow the pills. “I feel like we’re in an episode of Criminal Minds.”

I shook my head and ran an unsteady hand through my hair. “We still don’t know where Nick is. Come to think of it, we still don’t know where Lauren is either.”

“I know.” Howie frowned. “We also can’t forget about the fact that Brian and AJ are beyond pissed off with us at the moment.”

“Where are they anyway?” I grumbled. “I can’t believe that AJ hung up on me like that.”

“I think I see them outside.” Howie gestured towards the back door. “At least they didn’t take off like we expected.”

“I suppose that’s something.” I relinquished; motioning for Howie to follow me outside. “I’m going to need backup.”

The first thing that I saw when I stepped outside was AJ. He was standing in the middle of the deck; his face pulled up into the biggest grin that I had ever seen. The second thing that I saw was the Nick and Brian hybrid. The two of them were holding each other so tightly that I wasn’t sure if it would be accurate to describe them as two separate people. Both of them were crying, but Brian’s cries were more violent, more heart wrenching. My cousin wasn’t just crying, he was sobbing uncontrollably with his face pressed into the small space between the base of Nick’s neck and his shoulder. My heart ached as I watched the two of them cling to each other. I knew that, no matter how happy I was to see Nick, the embrace that we were about to share would never mean as much to him as Brian’s crushing hold.

“What the hell?” Howie pulled the back door closed and kept his hand wrapped firmly around the doorknob to steady himself. “Nick?”

“He’s here!” AJ was positively giddy with relief. “Do you see him? He’s not dead!”

“Yes, AJ.” I sighed. “I see him.”

Nick and Brian slowly pulled apart. Both of them were wiping roughly at their wet cheeks as they turned to face me and Howie. I could see Brian massaging his chest as the two of them moved to join us by the door. I gave him a concerned look, but he purposefully ignored me; choosing instead to grin stupidly up at Nick.

“Hey.” Nick offered. “I hear you guys have been kinda worried about me.”

“Kind of worried?” Howie brushed past me and enveloped Nick in a warm hug. “We thought that you had been murdered and that your body had been dumped in a park!”

Nick’s arms tightened around Howie’s back. “I’m not dead.”

Howie responded by urging Nick’s head down onto his shoulder. He held him almost tenderly, similar to the way in which one would comfort a child. Howie whispered something in Nick’s ear and a wave of fresh tears escaped Nick’s eyes before he whispered something back. I couldn’t make out their words, and it was blatantly clear that whatever they were saying would remain between the two of them forever. For some reason, that realization annoyed me to no end.

“We can see that that you’re not dead.” I clipped, interrupting Nick and Howie’s moment. “It would have been nice to know that before we went to the coroner’s office to identify your body.”

Nick released his grip on Howie and stepped forward to greet me. He looked almost nervous. “You’re mad?”

“Of course I’m mad!” I reached out and pulled Nick against me, patting him forcefully on the back. “You scared the shit out of me!”

Nick slapped my back a few times in response before pulling away. A massive smile had replaced his anxious expression. “Did you cry?”

“Yes, Nick.” I sank down onto one of the patio chairs and rubbed at my eyes. “I cried.”

“Awesome.” Nick sat down on the chair next to mine and patted my leg. “It’s nice to know that I mean so much to you.”

I stopped rubbing at my eyes and stared into Nick’s face. I had never been as thankful to see his annoying smirk as I was at that very moment. “You do mean a lot to me, Nick.” My voice was rough and unsteady and I hated myself for the way it sounded. “Even if you do piss me off to no end.”

Nick gave me a small, almost uncertain, smile in return and my eyes immediately welled with tears. I wanted so badly to pull him against me and hug him the way that Brian had, but that would have been out of character for me and Nick hated it when I didn’t act like my stereotypical self. I knew that it made Nick anxious whenever I showed any type of emotion, and the last thing that I wanted to do was push him away from me. Still, the act of holding back my relief was agonizing. I wished that Nick and I shared the same type of relationship that he and Brian shared. It would have been nice to be able to properly show him just how happy I was that he was alive and well.

“Where have you been?” Howie sat down on the other side of me and looked at Nick expectantly. “Where’s Lauren? The police have been trying to track her down since Sunday morning. They were saying that there’s been no activity on her cell phone for days.”

“Lauren is at her mom’s house in Florida.” Nick explained. “We went to Engagement Island to get away for a little bit before I dropped her off. Lauren saw that you guys had been trying to call her, but we made a promise to each other that we wouldn’t answer our phones during our time on the island. Since none of you left a message, she didn’t think that she needed to call you back.”

“I called Lauren’s mom.” Howie shook his head. “She didn’t answer my calls either.”

“She’s doing some crazy, hippie, new-age cleanse.” Nick muttered. “She’s completely cut herself off from all forms of technology. She’s not answering her phone, she’s not watching TV, she’s not going on social media...”

“That’s beyond weird.” AJ stated as he and Brian joined the rest of us around the outdoor table. He looked pointedly at Nick. “Although, that doesn’t explain why you didn’t answer your phone. I must have called you like fifty times.”

Nick’s face flushed. “I lost my phone in the ocean. I – I forgot that it was in my pocket. I just picked up a new one today on my way home.”

“I don’t understand how this is possible.” I sat back in my chair and rubbed at my temples. “How did you not see or hear any of the news reports? How did no one see you and freak out? The police said that there’s been no activity on your bank account or on any of your credit cards since the middle of last week.”

“The island is secluded. Lauren and I were too busy doing – doing other things to go online.” Nick shrugged. “I didn’t use any of my credit cards because we purchased everything that we were going to need before we drove down to Florida. I paid for everything else in cash. We took my boat over to the island, which was already gassed up and ready to go. Nobody else was around us the entire time that we were in Florida, and I drove straight through coming back. I only stopped twice for gas and every time that I needed food I went through a drive through.”

“What about Nacho?” Brian demanded. “You and Lauren purposefully left him alone for a whole week? I was seriously contemplating taking that tubby pest back to Georgia.”

Nick’s blush deepened. “The last time that we left him in a kennel one of the staff members turned out to be a seriously crazy fan. The chick ended up taking like a hundred pictures of us when we came to pick him up, and she actually tried to convince us to let her buy Nacho. Lauren was so freaked out that we swore that we would never put Nacho in a kennel again. We left him tons of food and stuff … he was fine.”

“You didn’t turn on the radio?” I raised my eyebrows and quickly steered the conversation away from the dog. Who the hell cared why Nacho had been left alone? It wasn’t as though the fat beast was in any danger of starving to death. “The news coverage was on practically every single station.”

Nick shook his head. “I didn’t turn the radio on for the entire trip. I scored an advanced copy of the new Linkin Park album and I’ve been listening to it non-stop. It’s been driving Lauren crazy.”

“The clerk at Verizon didn’t say anything to you when you picked up your phone?” Howie was incredulous. “You must have had to show ID.”

“He was old.” Nick shrugged again. “He wouldn’t have known who I was from a hole in the ground. He didn’t even ask me for a credit card or a driver’s licence because I have the premium replacement plan. He literally just asked me for my account number and handed me a new phone.”

“Your ID!” AJ’s head snapped up. “The police brought us your wallet. It’s on your coffee table right now. How do you explain that?”

Nick fiddled with the hem on his t-shirt. “I lost my wallet a few weeks ago, right after we returned from overseas. I had to have everything replaced.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his new wallet for emphasis.

I snatched the wallet out of his hands and flipped through it in annoyance. “You lost your whole fucking wallet?”

“It happens.” Nick gave me a dirty look. “You don’t have to be so patronizing.”

“Sorry.” I dropped the wallet on the table and sighed. “I don’t suppose that you have an explanation for why the guy that Howie and I just went to look at could be your long lost twin?”

“Well ...” Nick looked at each of us in turn. “I might have an idea about that too.”

It was my turn to be incredulous. “We’re waiting.”

“He’s kinda like a stalker.” Nick’s face was now positively burning with embarrassment. “He sends me letters detailing how he wants to be just like me. The guy’s wacked out. He’s copied my tattoos and my hair cut. I’m pretty sure that he’s even had some work done to make his face look like mine. The whole situation is kinda like that creepy Eminem video; Stan.”

“Jesus.” Brian whispered. “How long have you known about him?”

“He surfaced around the start of our twentieth anniversary promotional stuff.” Nick supplied. “The guy’s weird, but he’s harmless. I didn’t see any point in mentioning him to you guys, or in reporting him to the police, because he’s never done anything violent or excessively crazy. I think he even came to one of our VIP experiences, maybe during one of the North Carolina dates.”

“He’s harmless alright.” I snorted. “He’s dead.”

“Shit.” Nick’s face paled as he instantly made the connection. “Do you – do you think that this poor guy died because whoever killed him thought that they were killing me?”

I dropped my eyes to the table and resisted the urge to let out a massive sigh; that was exactly what I thought. “You need to talk to the police, Nick.”

** BRIAN **

“Are they nice?”

“Who?” I tossed the ball towards the net, watching in satisfaction as it swished through the netting and bounced into Nick’s waiting hands.

“The police.” Nick passed me the ball and moved out of the way as I lined up another shot.

“The detectives?” I released another perfect three-point shot and grinned. “I suppose so.”

Nick frowned as he retrieved the ball. He began dribbling it absently around the driveway. “That means that they’re mean.”

I watched as Nick performed a perfectly executed lay-up and waited until he had bounce passed me the ball before I responded. “The last time that I spoke to them they told me that you had been murdered. I think it’s pretty safe to say that their news dampened my opinion of them.”

Nick appeared to consider my statement as he watched the ball ricochet off of the backboard and into the net. “What did you do when you found out?”

“What do you mean?” I watched as Nick began to dribble the ball in and around his legs; his signature show off movement.

“When you thought that I was dead.” Nick stopped dribbling the ball and looked me square in the face. “What did you do?”

“What do you think I did?” I stared back at him; the emotion threatening to overtake me once again. “I cried, I refused to believe it, I told Baylee that you were in heaven.”

Nick’s face paled at the mention of Baylee’s name. “That must have been hard. For you to tell Baylee, I mean.”

I nodded slowly. “I don’t really want to talk about it.” I walked over to the side of the driveway and took a seat on the low, decorative, all-brick wall that separated the ornate flower garden from the asphalt.

Nick tossed the ball through the net one final time, letting it roll away onto the lawn, before he joined me on the wall. He sat down as close to me as he could without it being awkward; our shoulders touching. “Does AJ know about Leighanne?”

“He knows that I’m upset with her at the moment.” I supplied. There was a look on Nick’s face that I couldn’t quite place.

Nick gave me a sideways glance. “Why are you upset with her?”

I dropped my eyes to my hands and began rubbing at the dirt that had collected on the tips of my fingers. How did I tell Nick that Leighanne hadn’t said a single word when she thought that he had been killed?

“She didn’t cry, did she?” Nick guessed; his voice painfully low. “You can say it.”

“She didn’t say anything.” I continued to rub frantically at my fingers. “I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to forgive her for it.”

“It’s nothing new.” Nick was doing a poor job of disguising the fact that he was upset. “She’s never liked me.”

“It doesn’t matter if she likes you or not.” I argued. “You’re my best friend. I needed her to comfort me and she didn’t. I needed her to hold me and to tell me that everything was going to be okay, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She didn’t even try!”

Nick sighed a long, drawn out, painful sounding sigh. “What are you going to do?”

“At the moment?” I pulled my eyes away from my hands and stared into Nick’s anxious face. “Nothing. I have more important things to do here.”

“What?” Nick’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “I figured that you guys would all be taking off, seeing as how you know that I’m still alive and all.”

I was pretty sure that my face mirrored Nick’s in surprise. “I’m not leaving! What if Detective Bell and Detective Eaton show up and announce that someone is really trying to – that someone might want to hurt you?”

A look of intense fear darted across Nick’s face. “Do you really think that someone is trying to hurt me?”

“Someone went out of their way to murder a guy who looks just like you.” I forced the words out of my mouth. “I don’t think that it was a coincidence.”

Nick hung his head and moved even closer to me on the wall. Despite the warmth of the spring sun, his skin felt cool and clammy as his arm pressed against mine. “I’m glad that you’re going to stay.”

“I thought that I had lost you.” The words caught in my throat. “I have to make sure that you’re safe.”

“Do you think that the other guys will stay too?”

“Of course.” I affirmed. “Why wouldn’t they?”

Nick pulled his eyes away from the ground and turned to stare down the driveway. The indistinguishable expression had returned to his face. “AJ will stay if you stay.”

“AJ’s worried about you.” I confirmed. “You should have seen him these last few days. He was a mess. He still is.”

Nick’s eyes darkened. “How come you seem to be able to talk to him so easily? It took you forever to tell me that you were unhappy and that you were looking to make some changes in your life.”

“We shut each other out, Nick.” I paused to consider my words. “When it was down to the four of us, you teamed up with Howie.”

“I didn’t team up with Howie.” Nick argued. “I just – I just needed someone – I really needed someone to talk to and Howie was there for me.”

“Exactly; Howie was there and I wasn’t! I treated you like shit, and it’s my fault that our friendship fell apart. I turned my back on you because you didn’t fit in with the perfect family-man image that I was trying so desperately to create. I didn’t want you to tarnish my reputation. I was selfish and I let myself be manipulated by the people closest to me, by the people who I thought wanted nothing but the best for me. I became a completely different person; a lonely, materialistic, self-righteous person who I’m not proud of.”

“I don’t blame you.” Nick conceded. “I thought that I hated you, and I knew that I missed you, but I never blamed you.”

“You should blame me!” I exploded. “It’s my fault! I’m the one who destroyed our friendship. I’m the one who pretended like I didn’t care!”

“It’s different now.” Nick insisted, his voice steady. “As much as I thought that I hated you, I always knew deep down that I didn’t. When you reached out to me before our twentieth anniversary, I knew that we would be able to work things out. As much as I’ve relied on Howie during these past few years, I never needed him as much as I’ve always needed, and still need, you.”

“I know.” I struggled to control the tremor in my voice. “It’s the same with me and AJ. The fact that AJ and I tend to stick together when the going gets tough is nothing new. We’ve been close since the beginning; you’ve always known that.”

Nick pressed his eyes shut. “I want so badly for us to be Frick and Frack again. I guess I just thought that we already were; that we were already best friends again. For the past year, everything has seemed like it’s the way that it’s supposed to be.”

“You are my best friend!” I knocked my shoulder against Nick’s in an effort to get him to open his eyes. “Like Kevin once said, if you were to jump off of a bridge I would follow you.” I paused for a second as I considered what I had just said. “Or maybe it was the other way around.”

Nick smiled, but when his eyes opened they were wet with unshed tears. “I would still follow you off the bridge, but I have a feeling that AJ would be right behind me.”

I returned the smile, finally aware that the unreadable look on Nick’s face had been jealously; completely unwarranted jealousy. “I need us to be Frick and Frack again more than you do, trust me.”

Nick’s smile grew. “You should have seen your face when I walked out onto the deck this afternoon.”

It was my turn to squeeze my eyes shut. Never in my life had I experienced such a pure feeling of relief. As soon as I had allowed myself to hug him, I had clung to him; desperately relying on his touch to reassure my distraught mind that he was real. Even now, I was grateful that Nick was sitting so close, grateful that I could feel him next to me.

“It’s no wonder that people get the wrong idea about us.” I made the comment before I realized that Nick was not privy to the thoughts that were running through my head.

Nick laughed; a strong, full laugh that pulled at his already deepened laugh lines. “Who cares about what people think?”

I opened my eyes, blinking quickly against the sun. Nick jokingly pushed me away from him and I shot my hand out into the flower bed to keep my balance, my fingers sinking into the dirt. “I used to care about what people thought.” I admitted.

“And now?” Nick continued to smile as he watched me pull my hand out of the soil.

“And now I don’t give a flying fuck what people say about me.” I wiped my hand on my jeans, the dirt leaving a series of faint, brown streaks on the denim. “I know what’s important in my life. I don’t need anyone else to decide that for me.”

** HOWIE **

“What do you think they’re talking about?” I stole another quick glance at Nick and Brian who were still sitting shoulder to shoulder on the small garden wall that lined the driveway.

“God only knows.” AJ mumbled. He tossed his cell phone onto the coffee table and fidgeted anxiously on the couch. “Should we go outside and wait with them for the detectives to show up?”

“They look like they’re having a serious conversation ...” I trailed off as I took in the borderline painful look on AJ’s face. “We can go outside if you want to though.”

“It doesn’t really matter.” AJ shrugged. The expression on his face was hard to read. “They won’t tell us what they were talking about anyway. Frick and Frack are back, remember?”

“Are you okay?”

“No.” AJ admitted. “I’m not okay, Howie.”

I hesitated, hoping that he would continue on his own. I didn’t really know how to respond to his statement. I had been expecting him to lie, for him to tell me that everything was fine.

“What if someone really is trying to kill Nick?” AJ thankfully made the decision to continue talking without any prompting. “What are we going to do then?”

“We don’t know for certain that someone is trying to kill him.” I stalled for time. “We should wait to talk to the police before we jump to any conclusions.”

“Come off it, Howie!” AJ spat. “You and Kevin just stared into the face of a guy who Nick admitted has been stalking him. A guy who purposefully went out of his way to make himself look just like Nick is lying dead on a metal table with a bullet in his heart. Are you really going to sit there and tell me that we don’t know for sure if someone is out to get Nick?”

AJ’s words sucked the last ounce of happiness at Nick’s return out of my system. He was right; Nick had definitely been the intended target of Saturday night’s attack. “I don’t know what we’re going to do.” I conceded. “I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to you right now.”

“I don’t actually need you to say anything.” AJ sighed. “I’m just talking for the sake of talking.”

“The detectives are here.” Kevin strode into the room, interrupting our conversation as he made his announcement and eliciting an exaggerated eye roll from AJ.

“Were you watching with bated breath from the other room?” AJ grumbled.

“I saw their car pull up as I was coming down the hallway.” Kevin snapped. “What’s up your ass?”

“Nothing.” AJ retrieved his phone from the coffee table and jammed it into his pocket as he stood up. “Let’s go see what they have to say.”

Kevin shook his head in my direction as the two of us followed AJ out the front door. “Any idea as to why he’s so prickly?”

My eyes drifted to Nick and Brian who were still huddled together on the wall waiting for the police to join them on the driveway. “He’s worried about Nick.”

Kevin followed my gaze. Recognition dawned on his face as he watched Nick playfully shove Brian towards the flowerbed. “Right.”

“Good afternoon, gentleman.” Detective Bell’s voice boomed towards us as he and Detective Eaton exited their unmarked car. His eyes settled on Nick. “I assume that you must be Mr. Carter. Mr. Richardson let us know that you had returned safe and sound. He also filled us in on your whereabouts for the past several days. It’s nice to know that you and your fiancée are both alive and well.”

Nick nodded. He extended his hand to greet the detective, but he made no move to stand up. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“What else did Kevin say to you?” AJ asked. He sat down next to Brian on the low, brick wall and squinted up at the detectives. “Did he tell you that we think someone is trying to kill Nick?”

Kevin inhaled sharply at AJ’s words. The two of us had joined the group, but we had remained standing; filling in the circle on the other side of Detective Bell and Detective Eaton. I dared a quick glance at Nick who was obviously trying his best not to look concerned. Brian, on the other hand, looked positively sick at the possibility of Nick being in danger, and he was making no attempt to disguise his feelings.

“We’ve been able to make a positive ID on your doppelganger.” Detective Bell continued to address his comments towards Nick. “His name is Dan Scott. He’s thirty-five years old and a long-time resident of Nashville, Tennessee. His wife reported him missing on Sunday afternoon, but our department never saw the report. We had no reason to make the connection until we realized that it wasn’t your body under the sheet.”

“He had a wife?” The words drifted out of my mouth and hung heavy in the air. “Any kids?”

Detective Bell turned to face me, his eyes dim. “Three.”

“Was he the intended target?” I rephrased AJ’s question in the hopes that I could force Detective Bell to answer it. “Or do you think that the killer mistook him for Nick?”

“We also have the results of the toxicology report.” Detective Eaton interjected. “In addition to alcohol, Mr. Scott had a startling amount of flunitrazepam in his system. That finding, alone, leads us to believe that the attack was premeditated.”

“What about cocaine?” Kevin asked the question point blank. “You told us before that you found cocaine and marijuana on the body.”

Detective Eaton shook his head. “The report came back negative for both. Those substances were likely planted on the body at the crime scene.”

“You still haven’t answered the most important question.” I pointed out. “Was Dan the intended target?”

“No.” Detective Bell delivered the news with unwavering certainty. “We don’t believe that Mr. Scott was the intended target. As far as the police are concerned, this is a case of mistaken identity. Mr. Scott had significantly altered his appearance and he was carrying misleading identification. We’re certain that whoever killed Mr. Scott thought that they were killing Mr. Carter.”

“So where does that leave Nick?” AJ’s voice was simmering with anger. “Does this mean that you agree that someone is still trying to kill him?”

Detective Eaton ignored AJ and turned to Nick. “Mr. Carter, we believe that you will be in immediate danger once the media gets wind of the fact that you’re still alive.”

The colour left Nick’s face faster than I could blink. He stared back at Detective Easton with wide, scared eyes; his fingers curling around the edge of the brick wall on either side of his legs.

“And what are you going to do about it?” I demanded. My own anger was rising to the surface as I stared into Nick’s terrified face. “How are you going to make sure that Nick’s safe?”

“Unfortunately, there’s more to this story, Mr. Dorough.” Detective Eaton exchanged a cursory glance with his partner before reaching into his jacket and withdrawing an 8’’x11’’ envelope. “This was emailed to my attention this afternoon.”

Kevin extended his hand and accepted the envelope on my behalf. He gave Detective Eaton a determined look before reaching inside and withdrawing a single sheet of paper. I looked down at the email printout in Kevin’s hands and immediately wrapped my fingers around his arm for support. My stomach flipped as I looked down at our faces; our five individual headshots from our most recent photo shoot with Tyler Shields were aligned neatly in a row. There was a big red ‘X’ across Nick’s face and a single line of text: ‘I pray for this heart to be unbroken / But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete - - - - And Then There Were Four’.

“Can you trace the sender?” Kevin crammed the picture back into the envelope and thrust it at Detective Eaton. “What does this mean?”

“What’s in the envelope?” AJ directed his question at Kevin. “Let me see.”

Detective Eaton stepped forward to hand the envelope to AJ, but Kevin reached out to stop him. “He doesn’t need to see it.”

“What do you mean that I don’t need to see it?” AJ demanded. He turned his angry eyes on me. “Howie got to see it.”

“It might actually be better if you don’t look at it.” I mumbled as my eyes drifted from AJ to Brian to Nick and back again. The three of them were crammed together in a united front, their faces projecting nearly identical images of hurt and contempt.

“We can decide that for ourselves.” Brian snapped. He held out his hand to Detective Eaton in defiance. “We’re not little kids. We don’t need the two of you to protect us from the big bad wolf.”

“Fine.” Kevin relinquished his hold on Detective Eaton’s arm and stepped back into position beside me. “Go ahead and look at it.”

Detective Eaton raised his eyebrows, but he said nothing as he placed the envelope into Brian’s outstretched hand. Brian literally snatched the envelope away from the detective, sliding the single piece of paper into his hands as Nick and AJ hovered over him in anticipation. I kept my eyes trained on their faces as Brian flipped the paper over. I watched as their mouths fell open and their bodies tensed. I stared as three sets of eyes, two blue and one brown, flew upwards in horror.

“What the fuck is this?” AJ’s voice was dangerously low. “What the fuck are you trying to say by showing us this?”

“It’s not only Mr. Carter who is in danger.” Detective Eaton gently removed the image from Brian’s now shaking hands and returned it to the envelope before placing the whole package back inside of his jacket. “You all are.”

“So far, we haven’t been able to determine who sent the image.” Detective Bell answered Kevin’s earlier question. “Whoever set up the email account is technologically sophisticated. The sender has bounced the signal through six different countries. Our tech team has never seen anything like it.”

“Well I guess you better think about getting a new tech team then.” I knew that the comment was rude and I regretted it the moment that it left my mouth, but I was angry, and scared, and beyond the point of being able to think clearly.

“So what’s going to happen to us?” Nick whispered. “Are we just supposed to sit around and wait for some psycho to hunt us down?”

Detective Bell grimaced. “We’re going to protect the five of you as best as we can, but we’re going to require your full cooperation.”

“What does that mean exactly?” I raised my wary eyes to the detective. I didn’t like his expression, and I was pretty sure that I wasn’t going to like what he had to say either.

“Right now, nobody aside from the five of you and the members of the Franklin Police Department know that Mr. Carter is alive.” Detective Bell proceeded slowly. “We’d like to keep it that way for as long as possible.”

“So, you want us to lie to everyone?” Kevin clarified. “You want us to keep on telling our loved ones that Nick is dead?”

“It will be easy.” Detective Bell sighed. “Because we’re also going to ask that none of you contact anyone outside of the police until further notice.”

“You can’t be serious!” AJ looked stunned. “You’re telling me that I can’t call my wife? You’re saying that I’m not allowed to talk to my kid?”

“This is serious.” Detective Eaton asserted. “The only chance that the five of you have is to disappear. Once whoever is responsible for Mr. Scott’s death realizes that they’ve made a mistake, it will be game over for all of you. If you return home, or if you let anyone know where you are, we won’t be able to protect you or your loved ones.”

“But our wives already know that we’re here.” I pointed out the obvious. “Besides, if someone is really trying to hurt all five of us, won’t they assume that Kevin, Brian, AJ, and I would have already come to Franklin to mourn Nick?”

“They will.” Detective Eaton confirmed. “They’ll also be expecting all of you to go your separate ways and to return home to your families. If the un-sub wanted to go after all of you at once they would have done it while you were on tour. It would have been the perfect opportunity.”

“So, what is it that you think that the un-sub wants?” I mused. “To kill us one by one?”

“We think that we’re dealing with a sadist.” Detective Bell supplied. “If that’s the case, then you’re correct, Mr. Dorough. We do believe that the un-sub is looking to kill you one at a time.”

“They want to see us suffer.” Kevin deduced. “They want to see how the rest of us will react each time that one of us is killed.”

Detective Bell nodded. “As public figures, your pain would be highly visible. The fact that you now cater to a very devoted, yet not significantly expanding, fan base unfortunately makes the five of you ideal targets. Your daily security is low, but your deaths would garner a host of media attention.”

My ring tone suddenly sliced through the air, interrupting the severity of Detective Bell’s explanation. The noise was overly loud, despite the fact that my phone was wedged into the pocket of my jeans. Detective Bell’s words played heavily on my mind as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at the display. Leigh’s smiling face greeted me in the same loving way that it always did whenever she called.

“I’m not allowed to answer this, am I?” I forced myself to look away from the display, bringing my eyes up to Detective Bell’s hardened face.

“We can’t force you to do anything, Mr. Dorough.” Detective Bell replied. “We can only advise you about what we think is best.”

The phone was still ringing in my hand, Leigh’s pretty face lighting up my palm. After one more ring, the phone fell silent and the missed call notification replaced my wife’s image on the display. Kevin’s hand was heavy on my shoulder as my phone immediately began to ring again. If I didn’t do it now, I would never be able to do it. Before I could change my mind, I hit the button to dismiss the call; effectively hanging up on my wife for the first time in my married life. I turned the power off before Leigh’s face was completely gone from the screen, watching numbly as her smile faded to black.

** NICK **

This was my fault. I didn’t know why the stupid men in the suits didn’t just come right out and say it. I should have told the police about Dan. I honestly couldn’t remember why I had decided to keep his existence a secret. Sure, I was embarrassed by the fact that some random guy was following me around and copying my appearance, but would it really have been so bad if the others guys had found out about him?

I knew that Dan was really nothing more than an innocent victim in terms of the bigger picture, but I still couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that things would have turned out differently if I had mentioned him sooner. Then again, I always thought that things were my fault, even when they weren’t. I’m pretty sure that the mentality stemmed from the fact that I was the youngest; that I was always the one that the other guys blamed when things didn’t turn out the way that they expected. It was no surprise that apologetic and self-deprecating had long been my default settings.

I watched as Howie struggled to keep his emotions in check as he slipped his phone back into his pocket. The poor guy looked as though he had just been punched in the stomach.

“It was Leigh, wasn’t it?” I guessed.

Howie nodded slowly. “I hung up on her. I’ve never hung up on her before.”

“I’m sorry.” I averted my eyes from Howie’s pained expression and stared absently down the driveway. The street was deserted.

“Why are you sorry?” Howie challenged. “You didn’t force me to do it.”

“This is going to be hard on all of you.” Detective Eaton stepped in. “It’s going to be even harder on your loved ones.”

“So why are we going to do it?” AJ grumbled. “What’s the point?”

“The point, Mr. McLean, is to try and keep you alive.” Detective Eaton snapped. “Like we said before, no one is forcing you to go along with what we’re suggesting.”

“What are you suggesting?” I drew my eyes back to the group. “You haven’t really told us.”

“We’ve made arrangements for the five of you to be placed in a situation similar to witness protection. You will have no ties to the location and you will be watched by unmarked security officials at all times. Your ability to come and go will be restricted and you will not be allowed to have contact with anyone outside of the police.” Detective Eaton explained the procedure with a no-nonsense expression. “The last piece of the equation is the most important. If you reach out to anyone, it will make it nearly impossible for us to keep your location a secret. That means no phone calls, no emails, no Facebook, no Twitter, no Instagram ...”

“For how long?” AJ still looked defiant. “That’s a lot to ask. We all have a family.”

“For as long as it takes us to find whoever is trying to hurt you.” Detective Eaton answered simply. “Do you want some time to think about it?”

“No.” Brian spoke for the first time since he had challenged Kevin’s authority, surprising all of us. He withdrew his phone from his pocket and promptly turned it off. “If shutting myself off from the world is going to keep my son safe then I don’t need to think about it.”

My mind flashed to Lauren as I watched Brian power off his phone. I could practically see her emerging from her ridiculous cleanse only to see the incorrect news reports that I had been killed. I could imagine her breaking down when I didn’t answer the phone, crying her eyes out when she couldn’t get in touch with any of the other guys, and losing it completely when the other wives told her that we had all but disappeared.

“Brian’s right.” I pulled my own phone out of my pocket and shakily turned it off, pushing my thoughts of Lauren aside. “I don’t need to think about it.”

“No surprise there.” AJ snorted. “Whatever Brian says goes, right Nick?”

I leaned across Brian to get a better look at AJ. His brown eyes met mine in heated rebellion and I narrowed my own in response. Brian leaned back as far as he could to give us space; his face ashen. “You know that we don’t really have a choice, Aje.”

AJ turned his eyes away from mine and directed his question to Brian, his face softening. “You really think that this is what we ought to do?”

“Think about Ava.” Brian struggled to get the words out. “If you go home, you’ll be putting her in danger. As much as I want to go home and protect Baylee, I know that it will be better for him if I stay away. The same is true for all of us. If you stay here, you’re giving Ro and Ava a free pass.”

“I hate this.” AJ twirled his phone between his fingers. “I hate that what you’re saying is right.”

“You can’t leave.” Brian added. “I would never forgive myself if I let you leave and something ended up happening to you.”

“Fine.” AJ stared into Brian’s face long and hard before turning his phone off with an unsteady finger. “I’ll stay. I’ll cut myself off.”

“Kev?” I raised my eyes to the oldest member of our group. “What about you?”

“It’s already off.” Kevin held up his phone for emphasis; the display was dark. He turned to Detective Eaton. “We’re on board. All of us.”

“Good.” Detective Eaton’s affirmation came out sounding like a sigh of relief. “The cars are waiting down the block.”

“Cars?” I repeated.

“We’ve arranged for the five of you to have access to two vehicles. They’re untraceable rentals with local plates, very nondescript. It would be too much of a risk to ask any of you to use your personal vehicles at this point.”

“Right.” My stomach flipped. “Of course.”

“Pack your things.” Detective Bell checked his watch. “The cars will be here in ten minutes. When they arrive, we’ll introduce you to your new security personnel. You’ll split up into two groups and leave separately. Each group will take a different route to the new location.”

“Wow.” Howie shook his head in disbelief and began leading the way back into the house. “Just wow.”

It took the rest of the guys all of two minutes to collect their already packed suitcases and to return to the driveway. By the time I had tossed a random assortment of clothing and toiletries into a bag, sorted out extra food and water for Nacho and re-emerged from the house, the cars and our new security team had already arrived.

Detective Eaton looked discreetly at his watch as I locked the door and dragged my suitcase down the walkway. “That took you twelve minutes.”

“I had to feed the dog …” I gave up on my excuse as Kevin’s eyebrows drew together in annoyance. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Detective Bell compensated for his partner’s terse observation. “This is Joey and Tony.” He introduced the two very tall, very wide, very muscular, and very Italian men standing next to him. “They come very highly recommended by a private security team that has extensive experience dealing with high-profile clients. They’re going to be your new best friends from afar.”

I looked at the men with a mixture of relief and loathing. “I’m Nick.”

Tony and Joey nodded in response. They didn’t appear to be big talkers.

“Okay.” Detective Eaton stepped forward and broke the silence. He handed both Kevin and AJ a set of keys and gestured at the two cars that were now parked in the driveway behind Brian’s SUV; a blue Chevrolet Malibu and a black Nissan Altima. “These are the cars. The directions to the secure location are inside. Joey and Tony will be right behind you the whole way, but don’t worry if you can’t see them.”

“Are we all staying together?” Howie looked at the beefy men rather warily.

Detective Eaton smirked. “No, Mr. Dorough, Joey and Tony will be staying in a separate house across the street.”

“Oh.” Howie looked more than just a little relieved. “Okay then.”

“You two …” Detective Eaton snapped his fingers at me and Kevin. “You’re taking the Nissan.”

It was my turn to look wary. The thought of travelling with Kevin during a highly stressful situation was less than appealing. Besides, Kevin drove like an old man.

“How come you get to decide who rides with whom?” I sounded like a whiny brat, but I didn’t care. I was scared shitless by the whole situation and the last thing that I wanted was to be interrogated by Kevin as he tried to determine the exact origin of my fear; as if it wasn’t obvious already.

Detective Eaton exchanged a quick look with Detective Bell. The two of them were definitely withholding information from us. “We feel as though this arrangement is best.”

“It’s fine.” Kevin gave me a pointed look as he popped open the Altima’s trunk. He hoisted his suitcase into the car and motioned for me to follow suit. “Nick’s just being difficult.”

“I’m not being difficult!” I shot back as I stuffed my luggage into the trunk. “I was asking a question.”

Kevin rolled his eyes at me before turning to AJ. “We’ll see you guys there.”

AJ nodded and released the latch on the Malibu’s trunk. “Drive safe.”

I slammed the trunk shut and scowled, exchanging my own private eye roll with Brian as I walked around to the passenger side and slid into the car. Brian smirked and bit his lip in response; likely overjoyed by the fact that he was not being forced to travel with his cousin.

“Ready?” Kevin folded himself into the car and went about adjusting the mirrors. “You’re in charge of the directions.”

My eyes quickly scanned the dash as Kevin began to back slowly down the driveway. “Where’s the GPS?”

“There isn’t one.” Kevin pulled a folded sheet of paper out of the centre console and handed it to me. I hadn’t even noticed it. “A GPS system can be tracked.”

My face flushed in embarrassment as I unfolded the map. Turn-by-turn directions had been neatly printed at the top, and I hurried to position the paper in the right direction as the car approached the bottom of the driveway. “You need to go left.”

“Are you sure?” Kevin teased. “Can you even read a map?”

“Of course I can read a map.” I replied hotly. “You just worry about driving like the good little senior citizen that you are.”

Kevin tightened his hands on the steering wheel. “I drive according to the conditions.”

“Sure grandpa.” I muttered. “Whatever you say.”

** AJ **

“According to the directions, we’re looking at roughly an hour and a half drive.” Howie twisted the paper around in his hands. “The address is in Lynchburg.” He continued. “That’s in Moore County, if you’re interested.”

“We’re not.” I snorted, eliciting a grunt of laughter from Brian in the backseat.

Howie ignored us and continued to stare at the map. “I think they’re sending us to the sticks.”

“You think?” Brian laughed. He had pulled out his phone and was reading from the screen. “Lynchburg, Tennessee has a population of roughly 6,000 people. It has one traffic light and is most famous for the production of Jack Daniel’s whiskey and for being the former home of Davy Crockett.”

“Good Lord.” Howie groaned. “What have we agreed to?”

“It gets better!” Brian grinned. “Moore County is a dry county. So, even though Jack Daniel’s is produced in Lynchburgh, it’s actually against the law to consume alcohol within the county itself.”

“You’re joking?” Howie’s eyes had widened exponentially within the last few seconds. “You’re saying that I’m going to be trapped in a house with the four of you for God knows how long, hiding from a sadist, and that it’s illegal for me to drown my sorrows?”

“Pretty much.” Brian continued to laugh. “Do you want us to drop you off on the side of the road?”

“I wonder what our new Guido bodyguard would do if I were to suddenly pull over and let you out?” I joined in Brian’s laughter and drew my eyes up to the rear-view mirror. As promised, Joey or Tony - I had no idea which one - was travelling behind us at a supposedly inconspicuous distance.

Howie shook his head and resisted the urge to laugh along with us. “This whole situation is a complete and utter mess!” He turned around so that he was facing Brian in the backseat. “Are you even allowed to have your phone turned on?”

Brian’s face took on a worried expression. “I just used Google. I’ve logged out of Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. I’ve turned off my location tracker and my GPS functions. I haven’t even checked my voicemail.”

“You have voicemail?” My eyes locked with Brian’s in the rear-view mirror. “Is it from Leighanne?”

“Who else would it be from?” Brian dropped his eyes to his phone. “Do you think that I should listen to it?”

“Why wouldn’t you want to listen to it?” Howie’s eyes narrowed as Brian refused to meet his gaze. He pulled his eyes up towards my face. “What are you two keeping from me?”

“Nothing.” Brian lied. “We can all listen to it.” His fingers moved quickly across the screen and, a few seconds later, Leighanne’s voice filled the car.

“Brian, I don’t know where you are or why your phone’s off, but I’m calling to say that I was in shock before. I – I didn’t know what to say to you. I really need – I need your help with Baylee. He’s really upset about Nick, and he won’t stop crying. I know that you’re probably still mad at me, but your son needs you. Call me back, please. I love you.”

I drummed my hands on the steering wheel, waiting for Brian to say something. Half of me wished that he had listened to the message in private, but the other half of me realized that sharing it with us had likely been somewhat cathartic for him. Brian was an analyzer; he picked things apart until there was nothing left. I knew that he had wanted me and Howie to hear the message so that he could ask us about Leighanne’s tone of voice and her choice of words.

My mind was already working on a response. Leighanne had sounded sincere to me, and she had definitely said all of the right things, but Brian knew her best. It was possible that there had been something in her voice, some little misstep that I had overlooked.

“Did she sound upset to you guys?” Brian was busy deleting the message from his phone, but he made sure to catch my eye in the mirror as he asked the question.

“She sounds like she misses you.” I delivered my pre-determined response before Howie even had a chance to open his mouth. “She didn’t sound like she was lying to me.”

Howie nodded in agreement. “She’s definitely worried about Baylee.”

Brian shook his head. “You guys didn’t answer my question. Did she sound upset?”

I exchanged a quick, sideways glace with Howie before I answered. “Sure she did. At least to me.”

Brian sat back in his seat and turned his face towards the window. He didn’t say anything for several minutes as he watched the scenery whiz by the windows. When he finally spoke it was a cryptic, one word response. “Okay.”

“What if we were to make one phone call?” Howie blurted out.

“What?” I once again gave Howie a sideways glance. He had interrupted my train of thought; I had been working on a comforting response for Brian. “What are you talking about?”

“You better explain yourself, D.” Brian had returned his attention to what was happening inside the car. He was also grinning stupidly, which I assumed was a good sign. “Or else I’m gonna start singing.”

“I really don’t think that it’s fair that we just disappear without telling our wives where we’re going.” Howie immediately launched into an explanation before Brian could begin his impromptu serenade of one of the more annoying selections from ‘In A World Like This’. “I was thinking that one of us could call home and explain that we’re all going to be unavailable for the next little while.”

“And then whoever we call could tell the others?” I finished Howie’s train of thought. “That way everyone wouldn’t be so worried.”

“Exactly!” Howie nodded vigorously. “We won’t tell whoever we call anything specific. We’ll leave out all of the bad parts about the creepy email, and we can still pretend that Nick is dead.”

“It could work.” I proceeded slowly. “But how do we decide who gets to call home?”

Howie shrugged. “We could draw straws or something.”

“That could get ugly.” Brian piped in. “Kevin would be super pissed if he lost. I’m telling you that right now.”

I cringed. Brian made a good point; Kevin would most likely try to take control of the situation and twist things around so that he would end up getting to talk to Kristin.

“We don’t have to tell Kevin and Nick.” I suggested. “One of us could just make the call right now.”

“There’s no way that they would ever find out.” Howie enthused. “I mean, they’ll eventually find out when this is all over, but by then it won’t even matter. They might even thank us for being so proactive.”

Brian let out a choking noise to disguise his amusement. “Howie, you know that’s not true.”

Howie’s face fell. “I was just thinking out loud.”

“How about this …” Brian paused as if to collect his thoughts. “… What if I call either Rochelle or Leigh?”

“That would work.” Howie conceded. “That way Kevin and Nick can’t argue that one of us got to call home.”

Brian nodded. “Let’s face it, if any of us were to talk to our wife right now we would cave and give everything away. It will be easier for me to keep the secret. I won’t feel as guilty.”

“What about you?” I asked. “You don’t want Leighanne to be involved in this? Howie or I could always call her.”

Brian shook his head and began rummaging around in one of the front pockets of his jeans. “I would rather call Leigh or Rochelle.”

Howie raised his eyebrows in my direction before addressing Brian. “Who are you going to call?”

“You guys can flip for it.” Brian pulled a quarter out of his pocket and rolled it between his fingers. “Who wants to call it?”

“Go for it, D.” I encouraged; one eye on the road and one eye glued to Brian in the backseat. “Let’s get this done.”

“Okay.” Howie took a deep breath and waited until Brian tossed the quarter in the air. “Heads!” He proclaimed seconds before the coin reconnected with Brian’s palm.

Brian grinned, making a big show of pressing the quarter onto the top of his other hand. “Tails.” He announced, giving Howie a sympathetic look. “Looks like I’m calling Ro.”

“Damn!” Howie snapped his fingers and returned to facing forward. “I don’t know why I always pick heads.”

“Put her on speaker.” I tried not to sound overly excited, but it was practically impossible for me to contain my enthusiasm. Just the thought of being able to hear my wife’s voice was enough to cause a massive smile to overtake my face. “I won’t say anything. I promise.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Of course, I’m going to put her on speaker.” He scrolled through his contact list with a well-practiced flick of his thumb and seconds later a steady ring was echoing through the car.

“Brian?” Rochelle’s voice came through the speakers sounding more worried than anything. “Is everything okay?”

“Hey.” Brian greeted. “Everything’s fine.”

I curled my fingers around the steering wheel, the veins in my arms bulging with the effort. I was literally biting my tongue to keep from speaking; I wanted to talk to Ro more than anything else in the world.

“I’ve been trying to call AJ.” Rochelle continued. “It keeps going straight to voicemail. Is his phone off? Where is he? Is he with you?”

“No.” Brian lied. “He’s not with me right now.”

“Oh God!” Rochelle’s voice cracked. “Has something happened to him? Is that why you’re calling?”

“Elle, everything is fine. I promise.” Brian was speaking softly now, his southern accent becoming even more pronounced as he tried his best to sound reassuring. “I just – I have something that I need to talk to you about.”

I kept my eyes firmly on the road. I didn’t want to look at Brian’s face for fear that his expression would cause me break down. He had called Ro ‘Elle’. That was their special thing; anyone else who tried to use that nickname immediately had their ass reamed. To this day, I still didn’t know why Ro felt that the epithet was okay when it came from Brian.

“What is it?” Ro inquired, her voice softening to match Brian’s tone. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m okay, better now that the others are here.” Brian admitted. “I actually need you to do me a favour.”

“Sure.” Rochelle declared. “Anything.”

“The fells and I are going to be unavailable for the next couple of days. We’re not going to have access to our phones or to the Internet.” Brian rushed to get the words out, obviously fighting with his desire to tell Rochelle all of the horrible details. “I need you to call Leigh, Kristin, and Leighanne for me. I need you to tell them not to worry if they can’t get a hold of us.”

There was a long pause. When Rochelle spoke again, there was a definite tremor in her voice. “Where are you going? Are you in trouble? Does this have something to do with Nick’s murder?”

My fingers were turning white from gripping the steering wheel with so much intensity. Rochelle sounded so sad, so worried, and so alone. My stomach clenched and I fought the urge to reach around and rip the phone out of Brian’s hands.

“I can’t answer any of that right now.” Brian stared sadly at the display. “I just need you to trust me when I say that we’re okay. AJ is fine, Elle. I wouldn’t lie to you about that.”

“I believe you, Bri.” Rochelle sniffed. “I’ll call the girls.”

“Thanks.” Brian whispered. “I have to go.”

“Okay.” Rochelle hesitated. “Do you have any idea how long it will be before you’ll have access to your phones again?”

“I’m not sure at this point.” Brian sighed. “AJ will call you as soon as he can.”

Rochelle let out an unsteady breath. “I got it. Goodbye, Brian”

I waited until Brian had turned his phone off completely before banging my hands against the steering wheel and letting out a wounded cry of frustration. “This is so fucking stupid!”

Howie reached out and squeezed my shoulder in reassurance. “At least she knows that you’re okay.”

“I know.” I tried to force myself to think positive thoughts. “It was just so hard hearing her voice and not being able to tell her that I was safe. She sounded so worried.”

“She’ll be less worried now.” Howie continued to reassure me; his heavy hand steady on my shoulder. “It was good that Brian called.”

“This is our secret.” Brian’s voice drifted out from the backseat. He sounded rattled. “Nobody else needs to know.”

I nodded my agreement; Howie’s hand slipping from my shoulder. “No worries, Bri. It’s our secret.”

** KEVIN **

“You need to turn right at the traffic light.” Nick consulted the map for what was probably the tenth time in the past thirty seconds. His face was scrunched up unflatteringly in concentration as he squinted to decipher the print out.

“Which traffic light?” I pulled my eyes away from the historic, brown bricked buildings that lined both sides of the road and looked at Nick in annoyance. I could practically see the steam shooting out of his ears as his brain struggled to cope with the task of reading the map.

Nick lowered the paper to his lap and returned my look of irritation. “THE traffic light.” He flapped his hands wildly in front of his face as if the erratic movements would help to support his point. “There’s only ONE.”

My displeasure intensified. “There’s no need to be snarky.”

“I’m not being fucking snarky!” Nick snapped. “You’ve been questioning me the whole time that we’ve been driving.”

My look of annoyance quickly changed to one of confusion. “We’ve hardly said anything to each other the whole way here.”

“I know!” Nick’s hands were flailing about once again. “But every time that we HAVE said something it has been you expressing your doubt at my ability to read a fucking map.”

“We got off at the wrong exit.” I pointed out. “Twice.”

“That’s because you made me nervous.” Nick grumbled. “And the printing is too small. I can’t read this thing properly.” He waved the paper in my face. “See! Look how small it is!”

“Get that out of my face!” I brushed the paper aside and followed Nick’s directions, turning right at the traffic light. “Now, where am I going?”

Nick pulled the paper back towards his face, squinting and huffing in contempt. “Turn right onto Farm Lane and then left onto Orson Road. The address is 84 Orson Road.”

“Alright.” I sat back in the seat and attempted to stretch out my left leg, which had developed a serious cramp upwards of twenty minutes ago.

“This is my fault, Kev.” Nick’s tone changed without warning. He was staring straight ahead, his eyes unblinking.

I resisted the urge to reach out and smack his stupid blonde head. The kid always thought that everything was his fault. “How is any of this your fault?”

“I didn’t say anything about Dan.” Nick rolled his eyes at me as if the answer was obvious.

“So?” I gritted my teeth to keep myself from lashing out. “This has nothing to do with your stupid copy-cat fan. The fact that you didn’t say anything about Dan actually turned out to be a good thing.”

Nick stared back at me in shock. “You’ve lost it.”

“Think about it, Nick!” I commanded. “Use whatever the hell is floating around in your head and really think about it! If you had acknowledged that you had a creepy, copy-cat stalker the media would have somehow gotten wind of the story. If the situation had been made public than whoever killed Dan probably would have been more careful; they would have checked to make sure that it really was you before they pulled the trigger. In this case, the killer just assumed that it was you. If you had told us about Dan there’s a good chance that you would be dead right now.”

“Oh.” Nick actually appeared to be thinking. “I didn’t think about it like that.”

“Of course you didn’t.” I grumbled. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Nick. You can’t keep thinking that you’re the root cause of everything bad that happens to us.”

Nick’s lower lip quivered ever so slightly. “I’m almost always the problem though.”

“You’re not!” I banged my hands on the steering wheel and swung the car roughly to the right onto Farm Lane. “We’ve all done our fair share when it comes to causing each other grief.”

Nick was gripping the paper tightly in his hands. His eyes were once again fixated on the passing scenery. “What are we gonna do, Kev? What if the police can’t find whoever sent that email? What if our new best friends, Tony and Joey, can’t protect us?”

I slowed for a stop sign and squinted to read the next set of street signs, signalling to turn left when I saw that we had reached Orson Road. “We have each other.” I tried my best to sound reassuring. “That’s all we need.”

“This isn’t a business deal.” Nick shook his head. “This isn’t something that we can sit around and argue about until we all eventually agree to disagree. We’re in real trouble.”

“I know that.” It was taking all of my willpower just to keep my voice steady. Nick could be so frustrating sometimes. Didn’t he see that I was just as worried as he was? Didn’t he see that he was actually making things worse by pointing out the severity of the situation?

“That’s it.” Nick gestured towards a sprawling, all-brick bungalow on the right hand side of the street. “Our new home.”

I ignored the mockery in Nick’s announcement and turned the car into the driveway. The house was older; probably built in the sixties, but it appeared to have been nicely maintained. The front lawn was expansive, and well-established trees lined both sides of the long driveway. A double car garage jutted out from the left side of the house and I instinctively looked up; a garage door opener was clipped to the sun visor. I pushed the button and the large, wooden door began to lift upwards, the gears squeaking and grinding in protest. I waited until I was sure that I had enough clearance before guiding the car into the garage, making sure to leave enough space for AJ to be able to park beside me.

“Home sweet home.” I mimicked Nick’s sarcasm as I shut off the engine and pushed the button to close the garage. The whole structure appeared to shake as the gears once again rumbled to life and the massive door reconnected with the cement floor.

“The door needs to be oiled.” Nick stated the obvious as the two of us climbed out of the car and retrieved our bags from the trunk.

“Ya think?” I teased, slamming the trunk and leading the way to the door that I assumed opened into the house. “Perhaps that’s a task that you can tackle at some point during our stay.”

“Maybe I will.” Nick shot back. He stepped up behind me and motioned for me to open the door. “Let’s see what else is wrong with this place.”

I rolled my eyes, being careful not to let Nick see me do it, and pushed open the door. I was immediately greeted with a pleasant smell; Pinesol with a hint of Febreeze. The door had opened onto a large landing. The steps leading down to the basement were on the left and the staircase leading up to the main level was directly in front. Choosing to ignore the rather creepy looking basement, I quickly climbed the short set of stairs to the main level. A large kitchen and family room combination stretched out to my left; seemingly taking up the entire back of the house.

“Shit.” Nick whistled. “It definitely didn’t look this big from outside.” He abandoned his suitcase to the right of the stairs and pushed passed me into the family room. “Check out the TV!”

I followed Nick into the room and nodded my approval. The television did look pretty nice. “What is that? A 72’’?”

“Looks like it.” Nick confirmed. He was already rooting around in the TV stand, opening the cabinet doors at breathtaking speed. “There’s an Xbox One!”

“Wonderful.” I acknowledged; silently hoping that there was a second television hidden somewhere else in the house. The idea of watching Brian and Nick spend hours playing video games was less than appealing.

Leaving Nick to continue with his exploration of the family room, I meandered into the kitchen. It appeared to be well outfitted; an assortment of small appliances lined the counter and a quick peak in some of the cupboards revealed an ample supply of dishes and cooking utensils. A sliding glass door led to a large backyard with a deck and a barbeque.

“What’s all this?”

I turned to see Nick reaching for several sheets of paper that were sitting on the kitchen table. I hadn’t even noticed them.

“House rules?” Nick scrunched up his face in distaste. “Great.” He allowed the papers to flutter back onto the table and sighed. “Do you think the others will be here soon?”

“I assume so.” I shrugged and reached for the plain, white envelope that Nick had left untouched on the table. I balked visibly as I looked inside. “Holy shit!”

“What?” Nick raised his eyebrows at my reaction. “What is it? More rules?”

I shook my head and held out the envelope for Nick to see. “Money; probably close to three grand in tens and twenties.”

“So?” Nick appeared to have lost interest. “Have you forgotten how much money we have? Since when do you consider a few thousand dollars to be a big deal?”

“It’s not.” I frowned. “I just didn’t expect to find thousands of dollars in cash sitting on the table, that’s all.”

“I suppose it IS a bit strange.” Nick wandered over to the fridge and pulled it open. “There’s no food!”

I stared over Nick’s shoulder into the expansive whiteness of the empty fridge. “No there isn’t.”

Nick let the fridge door fall shut and turned to face me; panic stricken. “Why would they send us to a place with no food?”

I rolled my eyes, this time, making sure that Nick saw me do it. “We can go and buy food.”

“Are we allowed to leave?” Nick threw himself down into one of the kitchen chairs in an overly dramatic fashion and pulled the typed-written sheets towards him. “Maybe we should read the rules.”

“The others are here.” I sat down at the table across from Nick as the opening of the garage door sent a series of vibrations through the house. “Let’s wait for them.”

“Mmmhmm.” Nick mumbled incoherently; his eyes already scanning the first sheet of paper.

I resisted the urge to snatch the papers away from him as I heard the other guys push their way into the house. The garage door was sliding back into position, the walls shaking in response.

“Honey, I’m home!” AJ’s voice rang out; high-pitched and sickeningly sweet. “What’s for dinner?”

“Nothing!” Nick yelled back. “The fridge is empty! We’re all going to starve to death!”

“What are you talking about?” AJ stomped up the stairs in mock annoyance and dropped his suitcase next to mine and Nick’s. Howie and Brian were right behind him. “You know that I expect a hot meal on the table when I get home from a long, hard day at work!”

“Just sit down.” I motioned towards the empty spots at the table and sighed. I didn’t know which was worse; Nick’s drama or AJ’s attempt at humour. “They’ve left us some instructions.”

“Rules.” Nick corrected as the other guys took a seat at table. “They’ve left us rules.”

“Fine.,” I narrowed my eyes at Nick and snatched the papers out of his hands. “They’ve left us some rules.”

“Rules, instructions, whatever.” Howie waved his hand in the air dismissively. “Just hurry up and read them.”

I flicked the papers and cleared my throat. “Rule Number One: No outside communication. This includes phone calls, emails, and all forms of social media.”

“We know that one already.” Nick interjected. “Next!”

I gritted my teeth before I continued. “Rule Number Two: Do not leave the property without informing Joey and/or Tony. They are both staying in the house across the street, and they will be providing you with twenty-four hour surveillance. Their contact information is listed on the attached sheet. You may only call them from the landline.”

“So we have babysitters now?” Nick continued to grumble. “Perfect.”

“Rule Number Three: Do not leave the house alone, but do not leave the house all together either. Groups of two are best.” I hurried to move on to the next point; not wanting to hear any more of Nick’s running commentary. “Rule Number Four: Do not use your debit cards or credit cards. An envelope of cash has been provided for your use and the funds will be replenished as necessary.” I raised the envelope full of money and waved it around in reference as I continued. “Rule Number Five: No unauthorized visitors/overnight guests.”

AJ snorted so hard that he almost choked. “Who the hell do they think we’re going to invite to come over?”

“Maybe they’re worried that we’re going to pick up some ladies in town.” Howie wiggled his eyebrows in amusement.

“Nobody is picking anyone up!” I got up from the table and stuck the list of rules to the fridge for good measure. “In fact, nobody is leaving this house unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“I was joking, Kev.” Howie laughed softly as I returned to my seat. “I highly doubt that any of us are in the market for a random hook-up.”

“Speaking of the market ...” Nick dropped his hands to his stomach and looked around. “I’m starving!”

“Of course you are.” I muttered as I looked around the table. “Two of us are going to have to go to the grocery store.”

“I’ll go” Howie, Brian, AJ and Nick all announced. Their voices drifted over each other in such a way that I wasn’t even sure who had spoken first.

“We can’t all go.” I waved my hand at the fridge to reference the rules that I had just finished reading. “Only two of us are supposed to leave at a time.”

“I usually do most of the cooking so I should be the one to go.” Howie pointed out.

“That’s not true! I almost always cook breakfast.” Brian argued.

“I need to eat something before I wither away and die!” Nick moaned. “I need to go because there’s no possible way that I can wait for someone else to come home with food.”

“I need to make sure that we get some good quality snacks.” AJ piped in.

I slowly lowered my head to the table in frustration, my forehead connecting softly with the coolness of the wood. How was it possible that the five of us were always incapable of making even the simplest of decisions?

“Kevin?” Nick’s voice was whiney; needy. “How are we going to decide?”

I counted to ten before pulling my forehead away from the table. All eyes were on me as I struggled to think of something to say. I debated announcing that I would be the one to go by myself, but I had a feeling that such a comment wouldn’t go over very well.

“We could play rock, paper, scissors.” Brian suggested.

“No.” I shot down Brian’s suggestion as I pushed myself back from the table and pulled open what I hoped was the silverware drawer. I could distinctly remember seeing a box of matches when I had first inspected the kitchen. “This will be faster.” I announced as I returned to the table.

“If it works for Seth and Jay than I guess it will work for us.” Howie smirked.

I laughed softly at Howie’s ‘This Is the End’ reference as I quickly lit and extinguished two of the matches. I placed them face down in my hand, curling my palm around the burned ends, and added three more matches. “Whoever draws a burned match gets to go shopping.” I held my hand out to Howie. “You pick first, D.”

Howie looked thoughtfully at the matches before reaching out and selecting one from the middle of the group. He cursed under his breath and dropped the match to the table when he saw the red end. “Figures.”

“You’re next, cuz.” I held out the remaining matches to Brian and watched as he wiggled his fingers overtop of the small wooden sticks.

Brian’s face lit up as he pulled out one of the burned matches. “That’s right boys! I’m going shopping!”

“Let’s go, AJ.” I turned my hand in AJ’s direction and waited while he debated over the three remaining matches.

“Fuck!” AJ cursed loudly and whipped his red tipped match onto the table. “This fucking sucks!”

I closed my eyes briefly before spinning my hand towards Nick. When I reopened my eyes, Nick was grinning back at me, his fingers poised to make his selection.

“Go ahead.” I mumbled.

I was literally holding my breath as he made his choice. The same thought playing over and over in my mind: ‘please don’t let it be Brian and Nick, please don’t let it be Brian and Nick’.

“Yes!” Nick whooped his excitement, slamming his burned match down on the table in victory. “Take that mother fuckers!”

I let out a groan of frustration and disbelief, not unlike the ones emitted by AJ and Howie. “We’re making you guys a list.” I announced. Once again, I pushed myself away from the table, returning a few seconds later with a pad of paper and a pen. I made sure to give Brian and Nick a warning stare as I settled back into my seat. “You can only buy what’s on the list.”

** BRIAN **

“I think this is quite possibly the smallest town that I’ve ever seen.” Nick announced as we stepped out of the car.

I smirked, shielding my eyes from the late afternoon sun as I began feeding quarters into the parking meter. I was acutely aware of the fact that Tony was lurking across the street in a black Hyundai Sonata. “How long do you think we’re going to be?”

Nick shrugged. “An hour?”

I stuffed enough change into the meter to cover two hours, just to be safe, and stepped up beside Nick on the sidewalk. He was staring at the small grocery store in dismay.

“What were you expecting?” I teased. “A Kroger?”

“Yes.” Nick admitted. “I was not expecting ...” He paused to read the name on the awning. “Pat’s Food Market.”

I manoeuvred around Nick’s tall frame and pulled open the door to the independent supermarket. A tiny bell announced our arrival as we stepped inside. “You’re the one who just said that this is the smallest town that you’ve ever seen.”

Nick sighed. “This place better have everything on our list. If they don’t, Kev is gonna shit a brick.”

I suppressed a peel of laughter as I retrieved a cart from the small supply next to the front door. “Did you see Kev’s face when you pulled out that burned match?”

Nick grinned. “He looked like he wanted to shoot himself. I don’t know why he was so pissed. It’s not like the two of us are too stupid to buy groceries.”

My smile wavered ever so slightly as I pulled Kevin’s handwritten grocery list from my back pocket. He would never admit it, but I knew that my cousin was more than a little bit wary about the return of Frick and Frack. He had all but despised my intense friendship with Nick when the group had been first starting out. I think he had automatically assumed that, as cousins, the two of us would always back each other up; that our bond would be the closest, the hardest to break. I had often wondered if Kevin would have even asked me to be in the group in the first place if he had been able to see into the future.

“He’s probably worried that we’re going to draw attention to ourselves.” I supplied, giving Nick a sideways glance. “Let’s try not to do that.”

Nick’s grin intensified. “What’s first on the list?”

I looked at the piece of paper in my hands. “Lettuce.”

“Here.” Nick plucked a head of iceberg lettuce off of a display and tossed it to me; his right arm arching upwards in the form of a perfect a three-point shot.

The lettuce dropped easily into my waiting hands and I looked at Nick expectantly. “We’re gonna need more than one.”

Nick grabbed two more heads of lettuce from the display and tossed them both in my direction. “Think fast!”

I caught the first with ease, pulling the leafy greens to my chest as I fumbled to maintain control of the second. After a few intense moments, I managed to secure my grip around the second head of lettuce, and I quickly deposited them both in the cart with a victorious smile. “Now we need carrots.”

“Here.” Nick reached for a bag of carrots and a middle aged woman noticeably ducked down behind a heaping display of tomatoes.

“Don’t worry.” I flashed a reassuring smile in the woman’s direction. “He’s not going to throw the carrots.”

Nick followed my line of sight and gave the woman a sheepish grin. He placed the bag of carrots securely in my hand and fell into step beside me. “Sorry.”

“Maybe Kevin was right to be worried.” I elbowed Nick gently in the ribs as the two of us continued to wind our way through the produce. I could see the harried shopper keeping her eye on us as she selected a bag full of turnips.

Nick made a production out of rolling his eyes. “Kev is always worried about us.” He dropped a five pound bag of potatoes into the cart and made a beeline for the bakery section. “Let’s get some muffins.”

“I dunno … muffins aren’t on the list.” I attempted to keep my face looking serious, but I knew that I was failing miserably.

“They have banana chocolate chiiiip.” Nick raised his voice; drawing out the final word and enticing me to take the bait.

I caved in record speed, eagerly accepting the giant muffin that Nick passed me as he tore into the package. Nick selected the largest muffin for himself and dropped the opened package into the top of the cart. He quickly removed the paper wrapping and crammed half of the muffin in his mouth.

“So good!”

I raised my eyebrows; taking a more civilized bite of my own muffin as I watched Nick spew crumbs across the bread display. “We need three loaves of whole wheat bread.”

Nick nodded in understanding. He pushed the remainder of the muffin into his mouth and added the bread to the cart. He swallowed noisily. “Do you think we’re going to die?”

I balked at Nick’s question, almost choking on the final bite of my own muffin. “What?”

“Do you think we’re going to die?” Nick repeated his question as he reached for another muffin.

“Everyone dies eventually.” I purposefully dodged the question as I pushed the cart down the first grocery aisle.

“You know what I mean.” Nick pressed. “Do you think that the crazy guy is gonna get us?”

I pulled a few boxes of pasta off of the shelf and stared into Nick’s face. Sometimes, I found it hard to remember that he was a grown man. Sure he had matured, we all had. But, at times, the things he said, the way he looked, and the way he behaved still reminded me of the twelve year old kid who had attached himself to me all those years ago. Despite everything that he had been through and all that he had accomplished, Nick still projected this sense of innocence and helplessness that made me want to throw my arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be okay.

Of course, and I had learned this the hard way, I knew that I couldn’t always sugar coat the truth and tell Nick that everything was going to come up roses and sunshine. “He might.” I conceded. “The crazy guy might get us.”

Nick appeared startled by my response. He grabbed a random jar of pasta sauce off of the shelf and pretended to be extremely interested in reading the label. “Are you scared?”

“Yeah.” I admitted; the butterflies taking flight in my stomach. “Are you?”

“Yeah.” Nick parroted my response. He returned the random jar of pasta sauce to the shelf and added two jars of his tried and true favourite, Classico Roasted Garlic, to the cart.

The two of us navigated our way down the next aisle in silence; both of us methodically adding items to the cart. To any casual observer, we likely appeared to be perfectly calm and in sync with each other. And, I suppose, in a sense we were; in sync with each other that is. Over the years, Nick and I had somehow developed the ability to work both with and around each other at the same time. We did it without even trying, and when we were on, we were on. When we were off, the results were disastrous. Despite how we may have appeared, I knew that I wasn’t feeling anywhere close to clam, and I had a pretty good idea that Nick was feeling even more anxious than I was.

“What are you scared of the most?” Nick suddenly turned around and placed his hands on the end of the cart. He lifted his eyes to mine; his gaze holding steady. “I’m scared that it’s going to hurt. I’m terrified about leaving Lauren behind.”

I twisted my hands around the handle of the cart and stared at Nick across the mess of items in the metal basket. “I’m scared for Baylee, for what his future will be like without me. I’m worried about how Leighanne will cope; if she will be able to pick up the pieces and continue being a mom.”

“I hope he, they, whoever it is, gets me first.” Nick dropped his voice to a whisper as an elderly man shuffled by us in the aisle. “I don’t want to be last.”

“Me either.” I agreed. As morbid as it was, the thought of being killed first was strangely comforting. At least it would spare me the heartache of losing the ones I loved. “What do you think it will be like?”

“What do I think what will be like?” Nick removed his hands from the end of the cart and we slowly began to make our way into the final grocery aisle.

“The place where we’ll end up…” I struggled to get the words out. “Heaven.”

Nick gave me a look of borderline pity. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?”

I grinned in spite of myself. “I want to know what you think.”

“I dunno …” Nick hesitated. “If we all end up making it to the same place, I assume that it will be this totally serene environment where we will all have the opportunity to watch over everyone that we’ve left behind.”

I nodded; satisfied with the majority of Nick’s answer. “What do you mean if we all make it to the same place?”

The look of pity had returned to Nick’s face. “You and I both know that you have a better chance of reaching the pearly gates than I do.”

“That’s not true.” I shook my head vehemently. “You shouldn’t say stuff like that.”

“I’m not saying it to be self-depreciating.” Nick muttered. “I’m saying it because I think that it’s true. I’ve done some pretty shitty stuff. It’s possible that God may not be so quick to forgive me.”

“I think you mean self-deprecating.” I corrected him with a small smile. “Not self-depreciating.”

“Whatever.” Nicks face flushed slightly. “You know what I mean.”

“I’m pretty sure that God has forgiven you.” I hesitated; not wanting to come across as sounding overly preachy. I knew that my ‘preaching’ was a source of contention as far as Nick and the rest of the guys were concerned, despite the fact that none of them had ever had the guts to say it to my face. “Not that you necessarily need to be forgiven, but if you think that you’ve done something that warrants forgiving then I’m sure that He’s forgiven you.”

Nick raised his eyebrows as he tossed several bags of potato chips into the already overflowing cart. “What? I have no idea what you just said.”

“All I’m saying is that I don’t think that you have anything to worry about.” I laughed softly as Nick added three packages of cookies on top of the potato chips. “Although, you may want to be worried about your arteries getting clogged.”

“They’re for all of us.” Nick insisted. He added another package of Oreos to the cart for good measure and flashed me a legitimately boyish smile. “Do you want me to put them back?”

“Absolutely not!” I widened my eyes in mock horror and picked up a container of heavily frosted cupcakes on our way to the checkout. “Given the circumstances, I feel like we’re entitled to eat like shit.”

“And that, right there, is why I love you!” Nick announced as we stepped up to one of the three checkout lanes.

The older woman behind the counter gave Nick a cursory glance as he shuffled to the end of the conveyer belt. I began unloading the cart as quickly as I could; the woman’s eyes burned into the back of my head as I started to stack the abundance of food onto the belt.

“You boys having a party?” The woman asked. “You sure are getting a lot of food.”

“No, no party.” I smiled widely. “This is all for us. We’re big eaters.”

The woman nodded slowly. She cast another quick glance at Nick who was busy cramming the items into plastic bags at the bottom of the checkout counter. “Have you two known each other very long?”

I fumbled with the cans that were stacked in my arms, wincing as they toppled out of my hands and onto the belt. “Oh! We’re not – I mean, the two of us aren’t …”

“Twenty-one years.” Nick interrupted. “We’ve known each other for twenty-one years. Isn’t that right?”

I pulled my attention away from the scattered cans. Nick was smirking at me; his eyes glinting in amusement. “Yes.” My cheeks felt like they were on fire as I struggled to recover from jumping to the wrong conclusion. “We’ve known each other a long time.”

“That’s nice.” The woman smiled; the glint in her eyes mirroring Nick’s. “You two are close then, I take it?”

“Yes ma’am.” I dumped an armload of produce onto the belt. “We’re real good friends.”

The woman began keying in the vegetables, but she kept her eyes locked on my still flushed face. “We don’t hear your kinda accent around here very often. Pardon me if I sound presumptuous, but I know a Kentucky boy when I see one.”

‘You’re correct.” I finished unloading the cart and pushed it down the aisle towards Nick. “I’m from Kentucky.”

“But your friend isn’t.” The woman gestured at Nick who was busy placing the bags in the cart. “How’d ya’ll meet?”

“I knew his cousin.” Nick interjected. “He introduced us.”

“Well ain’t that sweet.” The woman smiled warmly. “It’s nice that your family is willing to support you.”

Once again, the heat rushed to my face. “We’re really not …”

“It’s really nice.” Nick affirmed; the glint in his eyes had turned mischievous. “We have a ton of support.”

I turned my reddened face to Nick, but he was purposefully avoiding my gaze. I was going to murder him the second that we stepped outside.

“That will be $404.65.” The woman’s eyes widened ever so slightly as she read the total. She did a quick double take to ensure that she had read it correctly. “How would you like to pay?”

“Cash.” I mumbled as I withdrew my wallet. I didn’t think it was possible, but my face became even hotter as I counted out the total in tens and twenties. The poor woman probably didn’t know what to make of us.

“Thank you.” The woman accepted the wad of cash; albeit a bit uneasily and counted back the change. “Ya’ll have a lovely afternoon.”

“We will.” Nick gave her a wide smile in assurance as the two of us headed out of the store.

I waited until the door had fully closed behind us and the bell had stopped jingling before I closed in on Nick. “Are you serious? What is the poor lady going to think if she sees either one of us in town with someone else?”

Nick shrugged. He pushed the button to open the trunk and manoeuvred the cart as close to the car as possible without blocking off the entire sidewalk. “I guess we’ll always have to go shopping together. We wouldn’t want the locals to start gossiping.”

My mouth fell open in disbelief. “You pretended that we were a couple just to ensure that we would always be the ones to go shopping?”

“I sure did!” Nick picked up three bags in each hand and deposited them into the trunk. “Aren’t I smart?”

I continued to stare at him in amazement. He really did look proud of himself. “I don’t think that I would use the word ‘smart’ to describe you at this particular moment.”

“What would you prefer?” Nick transferred another load of bags to the trunk. “Intelligent, brilliant, clever, bright, brainy, sharp ...”

I paused; somewhat thrown off by the fact that Nick knew so many synonyms for the word ‘smart.’ “I was thinking something more along the lines of: absurd, ridiculous, mindless, inane ...” I rhymed the words off on my fingers as Nick finished loading the groceries into the trunk and returned the cart to the front of the store.

Nick ignored my suggestions and made a grand show of opening the passenger side door on my behalf. He stepped back and motioned for me to get in the car. “After you, honey.”

I scowled as I pushed past him and folded myself into the seat. “I’m going with ‘idiot.’ You’re officially an idiot.”

“Whatever you say, honey.” Nick mocked as he shut the door in my face.

My scowl remained strong as I watched Nick hurry around the car to the driver’s side. Sometimes, I just didn’t know what to make of him. It wasn’t until I moved to face forward that I realized that we had an audience. The cashier who had checked us out was watching not so subtly through the store’s massive front window; a soft, amazed smile on her face.

“You finally noticed, huh?” Nick laughed as he slid into the car. He nodded in the direction of the store and put the key in the ignition. “We’ve probably given her the most excitement that she’s had in months.”

“Just drive.” I slumped as low as possible in my seat; so much for remaining inconspicuous. As usual, Nick and I had managed to do exactly what we had been instructed not to do.

** HOWIE **

“Did you guys get enough cookies?” I placed the fourth bag of cookies on the counter and sighed when I received no response. A quick glance over my shoulder confirmed that Nick and Brian had wandered off to join AJ in front of the television; leaving me alone as always.

I pulled three bags of potato chips out of the next shopping bag and dropped them on the counter in annoyance. I was suddenly overwhelmed with resentment. Why was I always the one who was expected to take care of everyone else? Why weren’t Nick, Brian, and AJ in here helping me to put things away? Even Kevin had wandered off, probably to seek out some quiet time. Needless to say, the whole ‘just leave all of the boring, mundane tasks for Howie’ routine was getting old.

Abandoning the staggering amount of junk food, I walked over to the fridge and began putting away the produce. I jammed a cucumber into the crisper and hated myself for doing it. I hated myself for not insisting that the others get off their asses and help out. I was a push-over, and a generic one at that. It was nothing new; I knew all too well what people thought of me, but it didn’t make the description hurt any less.

“You guys want to give me a hand?” I tried my best to sound upbeat.

I knew that none of them would respond, but I still waited a few seconds to see if they would; my hand wrapped tightly around a head of lettuce. When my words were greeted with the silence that I had been expecting, I literally slammed the lettuce into the crisper and forced the drawer closed. The plastic cracked in protest, but I pushed back in defiance. Little bits of lettuce came loose and crammed themselves between the lip of the crisper door and the bottom of the lower shelf. I did the same to the second crisper; more lettuce shards coming loose and littering the once pristine bottom of the fridge.

I wasn’t quite sure what had gotten in to me over the last few hours. All I knew for sure was that I was stressed out beyond belief and feeling incredibly alone. Nick had Brian, AJ had Brian, and Brian, the lucky bastard, had both Nick and AJ. I suppose some would argue that I had Kevin, but Kevin wasn’t exactly the lean-on-me kind of guy that I needed at that particular moment. Well, at least he wasn’t that kind of guy when it came to me. For a long time, Kevin had been that kind of guy with Nick, but I wasn’t quite sure where the two of them stood in terms of their relationship at the moment.

My feelings of self-pity intensified as I stared at the cookies that Nick and Brian had selected. They hadn’t even gotten the type that I liked. Would it have been so hard for them to bring home one stupid box of Chips Ahoy? I was constantly being either overlooked or taken for granted, and I was getting pretty damn sick of it. Of course, I would never be able to stand up for myself for fear that I would end up hurting someone’s feelings. I had already resigned myself to the notion that I would forever be the guy in the background, the guy being consistently passed over by producers, song writers, reporters, photographers, fans, and my supposed brothers.

I swallowed the bitter pill of my self-realization and tossed the cookies in the cupboard. A horrific thought entered my mind as I took note of the fact that Brian and Nick had purchased two packages of Oreos; otherwise known as Nick’s favourite cookie of all time. What if the situation had been reversed? What if the media had reported that I was dead instead of Nick? Would their reaction have been the same? Would they all have cried for me in the same way that we had all cried for Nick?

“Dude, what the fuck happened to the lettuce?”

I turned around to see AJ standing in front of the fridge. His eyes were busy scanning the items that I had already put away. He was most likely looking for a snack, and he was definitely ignoring the massive amount of things that still needed to be sorted and put away.

“What’s wrong with it?” I was practically shaking with pent up anger and I was acutely aware of the fact that I was about to rip AJ’s head off.

“You, like, mangled the shit out of it.” AJ laughed. “Half of it is caught in the drawer.”

“You know what else looks mangled?” I seethed. “Your face!”

“My face?” AJ stopped laughing and stared at me in confusion. “Are you okay? You look a bit flushed.”

This is why I didn’t insult people. I was clearly bad at it. To make matters worse, AJ didn’t even have the good sense to pretend to be offended. In the end, it was his completely oblivious reaction that pushed me over the edge. “If you don’t like the way that I’ve done it than do it yourself! I’m done! I’m not putting another thing away!”

“Okay.” AJ shut the fridge and raised his hands in surrender. “Are you sure that you’re feeling okay?”

“I am not your slave or your mother!” I exploded. “I’m done with this shit! I’m done with all of you!”

AJ now looked completely and utterly baffled. He was staring at me with a mixture of sympathy and confusion. I saw him shoot Nick and Brian a helpless look out of the corner of his eye and I whipped around to face them. They had both turned around on the couch and were watching the situation unfold with nearly identical expressions of pity. They, like AJ, probably thought that I simply wasn’t feeling well; that all I needed to do was lie down and have a nap, and that everything would be back to normal when I woke up.

“I’m leaving.” I announced; dropping the bag of chips that I had been holding back onto the counter. “You guys can do something for yourselves for a change.”

I strode out of the kitchen and retrieved my suitcase from the cluster of luggage by the stairs. That hadn’t exactly been the explosion of emotion that I had been hoping for, but at least I had successfully managed to walk away without feeling completely guilt ridden.

“You’re leaving?” Nick called after me. He actually sounded a bit worried now. “Like, leaving, leaving?”

“I’m going to choose my room.” I clarified as I retreated down the hallway. “For once, I’m going to be the one who makes a decision first.”

I could hear their voices drifting after me as I wandered off towards the right side of the house where the bedrooms were located. Brian’s southern drawl was rising and falling inbetween Nick’s whining and AJ’s raspy laughs. It was probably a good thing that I couldn’t actually discern what it was that any of them were saying.

I ducked my head into the first room on my right as I made my way down the hallway. It had clearly been decorated with a little girl in mind; bubble gum pink walls with white furniture and a four poster twin bed. I smirked to myself as I continued on down the hallway. I was almost certain that there was going to be a fight over the Barbie dream room. I passed a bathroom before coming across a larger bedroom with two double beds. Clearly a room for boys, the walls were painted blue and the bedding boasted a car and truck theme.

“You want the room next door.”

I looked to my left at the sound of Kevin’s voice. He was sitting in what I assumed was the master bedroom; his feet stretched out on the king sized bed with his Kindle in his lap. I could feel the anger coming to the surface once again. Of course, Kevin had already managed to claim the best room for himself without the rest of us noticing.

“Seriously.” Kevin nodded his head in the direction of the door next to the room that he was in. “I’ve already checked it out. It’s set up like a guest room with a queen bed.”

“Thanks.” I mumbled.

There really wasn’t much point in taking any of my anger out on Kevin. Like AJ, he probably wouldn’t even notice that I was upset. I made my way into the adjoining bedroom, blinking in surprise as I took in the outdated décor. There were flowers everywhere; on the wallpaper, on the bedding, on the lamps, on the rug. It looked like a 1980’s floral shop had exploded.

“You’ll have to look past the flowers!” Kevin’s voice came through the wall.

“No shit.” I grumbled not loud enough for Kevin to hear. I let go of my suitcase and flopped down face first on the ugly comforter. At least I had secured a room to myself that didn’t look like the inside of a gumball.

“Oh, hell no!”

I pushed my face further into the retro comforter as Nick’s voice echoed down the hallway. Judging by his tone, I had a pretty good feeling that he had just stumbled upon the pink bedroom.

“How is this fair?” AJ was speaking now; his voice sounding dangerously close to my flowered tomb. “We never decided who was sleeping where.”

“You’re right.” Kevin replied. “WE didn’t decide anything. Howie and I picked our rooms first. It’s not our fault that you three chose to slack off.”

It was becoming a bit hard to breathe. The fibres of the ancient bedding were being sucked up into my nose. I was now panting through my mouth, the fabric turning damp from my breath. I considered lifting my head, but I thought better of it as I knew that AJ, Nick, and Brian were now lurking in the hallway between my room and Kevin’s.

“We just did all of the shopping.” Nick whined. “Why are you punishing us?”

“Nobody is punishing you, Nick.” Kevin snapped. “It’s just a bedroom.”

“That’s easy for you to say.” Brian had now joined the conversation. “You don’t have to share a room or sleep in Barbie’s dream house.”

I could practically hear Kevin rolling his eyes. “Come off it, cuz. Fair is fair. Howie and I chose first.”

“Well, how are we going to decide?” Nick demanded. “I don’t want to sleep in a twin bed.”

That was it. I had had enough. I rolled over onto my back and took a welcoming gulp of air. “Use the matches.”

“What?” AJ stuck his head into the flower-power suite. “What the fuck happened in here? It looks like my mom’s living room in the 80s.”

“Just use the matches.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and ignored AJ’s comment about the décor. “Whoever draws the burnt one sleeps in the pink room.”

“I’ve got them already.” Brian announced as he pushed AJ out of the way and stepped up next to the bed. “Howie, can you hold them?”

I resisted the urge to let out a grunt of frustration as I pulled myself up into a sitting position; so much for getting some alone time. I took the matches out of Brian’s hand and stuffed them into my fist. I held my hand out to the three of them and stifled a laugh. They all looked so determined.

“You’re all going to pick at the same time.” I commanded. “One … two … three!”

Brian, Nick, and AJ practically launched themselves at my fist. They all scrambled to choose a match; their fingers jabbing roughly against my skin as they each fought to obtain the one that they wanted.

AJ emerged from the mess first, and he victoriously thrust his unburned match into the air. “Who’s gonna be my roommate?”

“Me.” Brian grinned as he held up his own unblemished match.

Nick mimicked AJ’s behaviour from earlier by hurling his burned match to the floor in frustration. He crossed his arms over his chest and pressed his mouth into a deep, childlike pout. “This is NOT fair!”

“Grow up, Nick.” I shook my head and flopped back down on the bed. “Things could be worse, remember? You could be dead.”

** AJ **

“Brian!” I hissed. “Brian!”

I pulled the blanket up to my chin and waited to see if Brian would respond. He was sleeping on his side with his back towards me, his arms wrapped tightly around a pillow. It was clear that he hadn’t heard me because his deep, steady breathing continued even as the noise sounded again.

I shrank back into the mattress and forced my eyes shut. The rustling sounded like it was coming from outside, like someone was snooping around right beneath the window. I tried to convince myself that I had imagined it, that there was nothing to worry about. After all, the situation was ridiculous. I was a grown man, and I had absolutely no business being afraid of the dark.

Colourful shapes were swimming across the inside of my eyelids, and they began to move faster as I pressed my eyes together. I licked my lips and curled my fingers around the edge of the blanket. My attempt at thinking happy thoughts clearly wasn’t working. All I could picture was a huge, scary man crashing through the window wielding a very large, very sharp knife.

The noise sounded again, louder this time. It was footsteps. I was sure of it. There was someone outside, creeping around in the yard.

“Brian!” I called his name again. “Brian!”

This time he woke up. Abandoning his grip on the pillow, he rolled over so that he was facing the small nightstand that separated the two beds. He let out an unintelligible grunt and slid his right arm underneath his other pillow.

“I heard a noise.” I announced; willing with all my might that he wouldn’t fall back asleep. “Outside.”

Brian cracked his eyes open and grunted again. “Wind.”

“No!” I was now fully awake and, admittedly, starting to freak out. The rustling sound happened again, and I propped myself up on my elbows to get a better look at Brian’s face. “Did you hear that? It’s not just the wind!”

Brian’s unfocused eyes met my own in the darkness. It was clear that he had heard it too. “What is that?”

“It sounds like someone walking around.” I insisted. “What are we going to do?”

“Do?” Brian was now sitting up and kicking himself out of the blankets. “We’re not going to DO anything. We’re going to call the police!”

I glanced quickly at the clock on the nightstand. “It’s five o’clock in the morning.”

“So?” Brian swung his feet to the floor. Even in the dark, I could see his bewildered expression. “The police work twenty-four hours a day. I don’t think they’re going to mind if we call them early in the morning.”

“Wait!” I scrambled to untangle myself from my own blankets and grabbed for Brian’s arm in the darkness; stopping him before he could rise from his bed. “It sounds like there’s someone in the backyard. The landline is in the kitchen. If you go walking out into the kitchen to get the phone, whoever is creeping around will see you.”

Brian’s arm muscles tensed under my fingers. “Well, what are we going to do then?”

I hesitated, my fingers digging into Brian’s forearm. I didn’t really know what to suggest. As I waited for my brain to sort itself out, the noises from outside grew even louder. Someone was definitely in the backyard; footsteps thudded on the ground and a series of muffled noises followed. My eyes once again locked with Brian’s just as a shadow passed by the window.

“Shit!” I tightened my grip on Brian’s arm. “You’re right; we have to call the cops!”

“We have to get to the phone.” Brian’s voice was shaking. “We’ll just have to sneak into the kitchen.” He stood up from the bed, making sure to duck down so that his movement couldn’t be seen through the window.

I released my hold on Brian’s arm and followed his lead as he crept towards the door. “Should we wake the others?”

Brian shook his head as he slowly opened the door. “It will take too long, and we’ll make too much noise.”

I swallowed hard. Brian made a good point, but I liked the idea of five against one a hell of a lot better than the idea of two against one. The hallway was even darker than the bedroom and my heart skipped a beat with ever single creak of the floor. The two of us were moving painfully slowly, our backs sliding along the wall as we shuffled down the hallway towards the open-concept portion of the house.

“Now what?” I whispered. We had reached the end of the hallway, and we were standing shoulder to shoulder with our backs still pressed against the wall. The phone was on the counter at the far end of the kitchen, closest to the sliding glass door.

“We can crouch down and run to the family room.” Brian whispered back. “If we drop down behind the side of the couch we won’t be visible from the door.”

“What are we going to do when we get there?” I worried.

Brian’s suggestion seemed doable, but I was still a bit wary. The edge of the couch was visible from where we were standing. It was only a few feet away, but we would have to cross directly in front of one half of the sliding glass door in order to make it to the family room.

“From there we can move to behind the island in the kitchen.” Brian pointed out. “We’re going to have to do this in stages.”

I wordlessly nodded my agreement, glancing quickly back down the hallway as I did. The rest of the house was silent; Kevin, Howie, and Nick were still blissfully unaware of the situation. When I returned my gaze to Brian, he was staring back at me with a mixture of determination and fear. I opened my mouth to offer to go first, but stopped when I heard the unmistakeable thud of footsteps on the deck.

Brian and I immediately froze; our plan forgotten. The footsteps were getting louder, which meant that they were most likely getting closer to the house. I sucked in my breath and attempted to get my heart rate under control. I was well aware of the fact that my erratic breathing was becoming noticeably loud, and I definitely didn’t want to be the one responsible for getting us caught.

“They’re on the deck.” Brian hissed; panic permeating every syllable.

As soon as the words were out of Brian’s mouth, the back door moved slightly in its frame. I held my breath as I listened to someone fumble with the sliding door; jiggling it back and forth to try and get it to open. Was this it? Was I going to die hiding in a dark hallway with Brian in my boxers?

“We have to make it to the front door.” I let out the breath that I had been holding in one big rush. “It’s our only shot.”

Brian looked at me in horror as the noises from the backdoor continued. “What about the others? We can’t just leave them here!”

“We’ll run across the street and come back with Joey and Tony.” I was making up the plan as I went along. “They’ll call the police for us.”

“Okay.” Brian conceded, although he still didn’t look overly convinced. “Who’s going to go first?”

“I will.” I stared Brian in the face as I pushed myself away from the wall. “Promise that you’re right behind me?”

Brian nodded solemnly. “I promise that I’ll be right behind you.”

Knowing that if I hesitated any longer I would chicken out, I forced myself to step away from the sanctity of the wall and to take off towards the front door. My bare feet slapped against the tile floor as I gained momentum, my eyes locked on the door. I was so focused on my target that I didn’t see him until it was too late. I hadn’t even made it ten feet when the figure seemingly emerged out of thin air and tackled me to the ground.

I went down hard as a pair of thick, muscular arms wrapped around my torso. The man rammed his elbow into my stomach as the two of us hit the tiles; effectively knocking the wind out of me. I gasped for air, my lungs burning as I realized in terror that I was being overpowered. The man was leaning over me, pinning my arms at my sides, and quickly eliminating my ability to fight back. I thrashed about beneath him; desperation setting in as it became readily apparent that I was fighting a losing battle.

Thank God that Brian had stayed true to his promise. My vision was blurring from the lack of oxygen, but I still saw Brian’s arm wrap around my attacker’s neck. The man let out a gasp and both of his hands immediately let go of my arms and flew upwards; his fingers clawing frantically at his neck as he attempted to wedge them in-between Brian’s arm and his throat. I saw Brian’s face as he tightened his grip and pulled the man off of me, the two of them falling to the floor with a sickening thud. I didn’t think I would ever be able to forget the way that Brian looked at that moment; completely indomitable and unlike himself.

I staggered to my feet, my lungs protesting the exertion as they struggled to acquire an adequate supply of oxygen. Brian and the man were still wrestling on the floor. The man had finally managed to lodge his hand in-between Brian’s arm and his neck, but he was still choking wildly as he worked to regain the upper hand. Ignoring the pain in my chest, I threw myself into the scuffle; planting myself on top of the man’s chest and reaching for his arms. Brian crawled out from underneath the attacker’s girth, almost reluctantly letting go of the man’s neck as he manoeuvred himself into position to help me subdue his upper body. The man was bigger than both of us put together, and I found myself praying that Brian and I would be able to hold him down until one of the others came to our rescue.

** NICK **

The pain in my calf was excruciating. I pushed the pink and white blankets aside as fast as I could and grabbed blindly for my leg in the darkness. I flipped over on my side and tucked my left leg up to my chest, willing with all my might that the spasms would pass. Sucking in a long breath through my teeth, I massaged my fingers into the overly tightened muscles of my lower leg. This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been forced to sleep all scrunched up in this stupid miniature bed.

“Fuck you, Kevin!” I cursed under my breath as the pain continued to shoot up my leg. As far as I was concerned, this was entirely his fault. If he hadn’t been such a colossal dick, the room assignments would have been divvied up properly; like according to height. In other words, as the tallest, I wouldn’t have been left to suffer in the pink room of torture. That honour would have gone to someone shorter, like Howie.

I tentatively stretched my leg out as the pain slowly began to subside. My bare foot hung off of the end of the bed as I moved, and I had to fight the urge to pull my leg back up onto the safety of the mattress. Regardless of my age, I didn’t think that I would ever be able to let go of the irrational fear that something was going to grab at my feet in the darkness if they weren’t fully on the bed and surrounded by blankets.

I was still in the process of trying not to think about the creepy, toe-pinching troll that was likely lurking under the bed when the noise happened. The crash was so loud that it caused me to draw both of my legs upwards at lightning speed. The movement was so rapid and so sudden that I almost kneed myself in the jaw. I remained in the fetal position until the noise happened again; someone was in the front portion of the house. My heart dropped into my stomach as I slowly uncurled my body and got to my feet. The noises were getting louder and more prolonged. It almost sounded as if people were fighting.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit!” I whispered to myself as I crept slowly towards the door.

I curled my fingers around the doorknob and pulled the door open as slowly and as quietly as possible. I peeked out into the hallway; my eyes darting quickly in both directions as the noises continued to emanate from the front of the house. The hallway was dark, but I could still determine that the door to Brian and AJ’s room was open. I pulled my own door the rest of the way open and held my breath as I stepped out into the hallway. The tiles were cool beneath my feet as I shuffled towards the scuffle that I now knew was inevitably taking place.

“Nick!”

I jumped back against the wall and clamped a hand down on my chest. My heartbeat was so pronounced and erratic that I was amazed that I couldn’t see the organ coming through my shirt. I whipped my head around so that I was facing in the opposite direction and let out my breath in a loud whoosh. Kevin and Howie were creeping down the hallway towards me, both of them making sure to stay close to the wall.

“Wait!” Kevin insisted. He stole a quick glance into AJ and Brian’s room as he passed by the open door; his face immediately clouding over in concern.

“I think somebody has Brian and AJ.” I hissed as soon as Kevin and Howie caught up to me.

Howie nodded in agreement. He looked positively terrified. “What are we going to do?”

“We don’t know how many attackers there are.” Kevin appeared to be in the middle of an intense internal struggle. “We don’t know if they have weapons.”

“Ahhh!” Brian’s cry rang out long and loud, followed by a heart-stopping crash.

I was moving before my brain could even begin to formulate what I was going to do. I launched myself around the corner just in time to see Brian topple backwards onto the floor and skid roughly along the tiles. At the same time, a large, unknown man drove himself into AJ’s chest. AJ’s back slammed into the ground and the man fell on top of him, fighting to keep him in place.

Without thinking, I rammed myself against the attacker; successfully catching him off guard. He grunted in pain as I drove my shoulder into his side and forced him away from AJ. The two of us landed on the floor and AJ scurried away from our scuffle, essentially crab walking along the tiles as he struggled to catch his breath.

The man was strong and I immediately regretted my decision to tackle him on my own as his fingers locked around my left wrist. It was too dark in the hallway to make out his face and his flailing limbs were little more than a blur as he continued to grunt and thrash beneath me. This was going to end badly.

“What the fuck?! Everyone, stop!”

The lights flipped on and I instinctively closed my eyes against the assaulting brightness. It was a knowingly poor decision as it easily allowed the larger man to gain the upper hand. He clamped his beefy fingers around my other wrist and pushed me backwards onto the ground with a cry of rage.

“Joey, stop! It’s them!”

I opened my eyes, squinting against the lights, and stared into the sweaty face of one of the men who had been hired to protect us. He was breathing heavily and blood was tricking down the side of his face from a small cut just above his left eyebrow.

“What’s going on?” Kevin demanded. “Why are the two of you in the house?”

“Never mind about why they’re in the house!” AJ roared. “Why the fuck did one of them tackle me?”

“Hurting.” I choked the word out as Joey was still forcing all of his weight against my chest. “Air … I need.”

“Shit.” Joey immediately let go of my wrists and pushed himself up into a standing position, leaving me gasping on my back on the floor. “Sorry, bro.”

“Jesus Christ, Joe, you’re bleeding!” Tony announced the obvious from his place next to the light switch. “What did you do?”

I manoeuvred myself into a sitting position and took my first look around since the lights had come on. AJ and Brian were still sitting on the floor. Brian looked dazed and AJ looked ready to murder someone. Kevin and Howie were standing near the entrance to the hallway that led to the bedrooms; both of them were sporting a nearly identical expression of confusion. Tony still had his hand on the light switch, and Joey was busy poking at his flesh wound.

“What did I do?” Joey repeated the question; his voice rising in defiance. “I was defending myself against these idiots!” He jerked his thumb in Brian’s direction. “This one tried to strangle me to death.”

“I thought that you were trying to kill AJ!” Brian defended himself. “You head-butted him to the ground!”

“That’s because I thought that he was an intruder.” Joey shook his head and continued to poke at his wound; his fingers were now coated with his own blood. “You guys are apparently a lot tougher than you look.”

I made no effort to hide my smirk as I got to my feet, holding my hand out to AJ in the process. He accepted my outstretched hand, wincing noticeably as I helped him to stand up. He rubbed at his lower back with his other hand and glared at Joey. “Thanks for nothing.”

“I think we need to go over what happened from the beginning.” Kevin narrowed his eyebrows at Tony. “Let’s hear it.”

Tony sighed and finally dropped his hand from the light switch. “I was keeping an eye on the place and I thought that I saw someone creeping around in the front yard. I woke Joey up and the two of us came over here to check things out. Joey entered through the front door, while I went around to the back to make sure that everything was okay back there. I had some trouble getting my key to work in the sliding door and by the time I got inside everyone was rolling around on the floor.”

“We thought that you were trying to break in.” Brian got gingerly to his feet and rubbed at the back of his neck. “AJ and I heard you in the backyard.”

“It would have been nice to know that you guys had keys.” AJ grumbled. He directed his attention towards Joey. “Why the fuck didn’t you turn on the lights or say something before you elbowed me in the stomach?”

“I didn’t realize that it was you guys until this dumbass crashed into me.” Joey looked angrily at me. “What were you thinking?”

I shrugged. “I wasn’t really thinking.”

AJ snorted and clapped me roughly on the back. “For once, your lack of thought actually worked in my favour.”

“Listen, we’re really sorry about all of this.” Tony apologized. “If it’s any consolation, I was apparently wrong about seeing an intruder. There’s no sign of foul play.”

“Great.” Joey was positively fuming now. He wiped his bloody hands on his jeans and glared at his partner. “I practically got the shit kicked out of me for nothing.”

“Practically?” AJ taunted. “Brian had you on the ground and he’s less than half your size.”

Joey rubbed absently at his neck. It was in the process of turning an ugly shade of red. He glanced almost warily at Brian. “I never would have pegged you for the strong one.”

Brian lowered his eyes to the floor. “Like I said, I thought that you were trying to kill him.”

“We’re gonna go.” Tony looked pointedly at Joey. “You guys try and go back to sleep.”

I rolled my eyes; not caring that Joey was looking directly at me as he followed Tony out the front door. There was absolutely no chance that I was going back to sleep.

“Who wants coffee?” Kevin ran a hand down his face and looked at the rest of us as soon as the front door closed. “Is anybody going to attempt to go back to bed?”

“Coffee sounds good.” AJ sighed; speaking for all of us as he trudged into the family room.

I looped my arm casually across Brian’s shoulders and shot him a wicked grin as the two of us trailed after AJ. “Did you really almost strangle him to death?”

The corners of Brian’s mouth twitched upwards. “Maybe.”

“I wish you could have seen your own face.” AJ directed his comment towards Brian as we joined him on the couch. “You almost looked like you were possessed. I don’t think that I’ve ever seen you look so determined.”

The smile that had been tugging at Brian’s mouth vanished. “I really thought that he was going to kill you, Aje. I didn’t even think about what I was doing.”

“Neither did Nick.” AJ’s expression had turned strangely serious. “While I appreciate you coming to my rescue, it really was a stupid thing to do. What if Joey had had a knife or something?”

I shrugged to explain myself for the second time. “That would have sucked ass.”

** KEVIN **

I was kid-free and I was still making coffee at a quarter to six in the morning. Something was definitely wrong with this picture. I could feel the heaviness pulling at my eyelids as I divided the aromatic liquid into five large mugs. Once I had finished pouring, I returned the carafe to the machine and began brewing another pot. One cup each was not going to be enough to get any of us through the next few hours.

I loaded the steaming mugs onto a tray and walked carefully into the family room. Setting the tray on the coffee table, I selected one of the mugs and settled myself down next to Howie on the loveseat. AJ, Brian, and Nick had already claimed the larger couch and the three of them reached for their mugs in unison; each of them leaning back against the cushions and taking a long sip.

“Are you two alright?” I directed my question at Brian and AJ. “Neither one of you is hurt?”

They both shook their heads, but it was Brian who responded. “We’re probably going to feel it later, but right now we’re okay.”

“What were you thinking getting into a fight like that?” I lowered my mug to my lap and struggled to keep my voice even. I didn’t want them to know how rattled I was by the whole situation. “You could have been hurt.”

“What should I have done?” Brian challenged. “I wasn’t going to stand by and watch AJ get the shit kicked out of him.”

“I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have done what you did.” I struggled to make my point because I really wasn’t sure where I had been going with the conversation in the first place. “I’m just – I just think that ...”

“Kev, you were ready to join in.” Nick interrupted. “I know you were. So, why don’t we just drop it?”

I stared across the room at Nick and forced myself to keep my mouth shut. My eyes travelled across his tousled hair, his rumbled t-shirt, and the stubble that lined his face. Beneath it all, I could still see it; the anxious face of the little boy who had grown up before my eyes. His features were set in the same way that they always were when he wanted nothing more than for the five of us to get along. Nick was right; I needed to drop the subject.

“It hasn’t been this way for a long time.” I started again, taking a long sip of coffee.

“Hasn’t been what way?” Howie furrowed his eyebrows in my direction.

“The five of us; together, alone and sober.” I clarified.

AJ let out a raspy laugh and leaned his head back against the couch. “The last time we were together like this was when, in 1997?”

“It’s kinda nice.” Howie pointed out. “Minus the whole someone trying to kill us bit.”

“Maybe this is a blessing in disguise.” Brian spoke slowly. “Maybe this is a chance for us to fix things.”

“What needs fixing?” Nick looked anxiously at Brian. “Things are already back to normal.”

Before he continued, Brian exchanged a private look with Nick; a subtle, reassuring glance that only the two of them were meant to understand. “The fact that things are normal doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re the best that they can be.”

It was easy to dissect the meaning behind Brian’s statement by looking around the room. As usual, the five of us had unintentionally divided ourselves. Like any family, our quintet consisted of different pairings and clusters. Although those groupings had shifted slightly over the years, it had become blatantly obvious over the past few days that we were right back to where we had started; Brian, Nick and AJ versus me and Howie.

“There’s nothing to fix, Brian.” I gestured between the two couches. “This is the way it will always be. This is what works.”

Brian turned his strong gaze to my face. “We’re family, Kev.”

I started; not quite sure if he was referring to the two of us in the literal sense or to the five of us in the metaphorical sense. “I’m not questioning that.”

Brian sighed, clearly agitated that I wasn’t picking up on what he was trying to say. “I’m tired of being at odds with you most of the time.”

“Just because we disagree with each other doesn’t mean that our relationship needs fixing.” I stated. The light bulb had all of a sudden turned on. “You and I are as close as we’re probably ever going to be. I understand that now.”

“Do you?” Brian pressed.

I quickly did a mental recap of the past several months. To say that my relationship with Brian had been strained since I had officially returned to the group would be an understatement. I had unwittingly been harbouring some pretty intense feelings of resentment towards my cousin since I had made the decision to walk away in 2006.

I don’t really know what I had been expecting Brian to do, but I guess that I had secretly been hoping and waiting for him to make some grand gesture. I was the one who brought Brian into the group; therefore, he should have been the one to keep me in the group. After living through the last few days and believing that Nick was gone, the whole notion seemed petty and superficial. Brian couldn’t have forced me to stay even if he had made the effort; nobody could have.

“I get it.” I made sure to look Brian directly in the eyes as I spoke. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you guys need a minute or something?” AJ looked back and forth between the two of us. “Is this a Kentucky thing?”

“No, AJ.” I shook my head and laughed softly. “We don’t need a minute.”

“Are you sure?” Howie grinned. “It’s only 6:30 A.M. We have plenty of daylight hours left.”

I took another long swig of coffee as Howie mentioned the time. It was unbearably early to be up and fully awake. “This is going to be a really long day.”

“I have a feeling that it’s about to get even longer.” Howie muttered, his face falling. He nodded his head in the direction of the front door as the loud knocking began to resonate through the room. “Do we want to take bets on who it is?”

“My money in on the Guidos.” AJ narrowed his eyes as the knocking continued. “Haven’t they already done enough damage for one morning?”

I set my mug down on the coffee table with a sizeable sigh and got to my feet. It was pretty obvious that none of the other guys were going to make the effort to answer the door. “I’ll get it.”

Detective Eaton and Detective Bell were both staring at their phones when I answered the door; their mouths pressed into thin, straight lines. They looked stressed, but they were both impeccably dressed in complimentary brown suits.

“Do you guys ever wear jeans?” I asked as I held the door open.

“On occasion.” Detective Eaton informed me as he followed Detective Bell into the house. “Sorry to bother you so early in the morning.”

“It’s fine.” I shut the front door and began leading the way towards the back of the house. “I assume that you’ve spoken to Joey and Tony?”

“We stopped in across the street before we came over.” Detective Bell explained. “It seems as though Joey is going to need stitches to close the gash above his eye.”

“Stitches?” Brian’s anxious voice rang out as the three of us stepped into the family room. “Shit!”

“Don’t feel too badly, Mr. Littrell.” Detective Bell smirked. “From what Joey is saying, it was Mr. Carter who caused the damage.”

Nick returned the detective’s smirk. “It serves him right for attacking AJ.”

Detective Bell swivelled his eyes in AJ’s direction. “Joey really does feel badly about what happened.”

“It’s fine.” AJ reassured each of the detectives in turn as they both took a seat on the large, plush ottoman in the middle of the room. “I’m over it.”

I rejoined Howie on the couch, picking up my half-full mug of coffee as I sat down. “So, what brings the two of you here so early in the morning? I’m assuming that you don’t have good news.”

“You’re very astute, Mr. Richardson.” Detective Eaton frowned. “The media has become aware of the fact that Mr. Scott is our victim.”

I cringed. “When you say the media ...”

“It’s already become a worldwide headline.” Detective Eaton cut me off. “Television, print, radio, online, credible, gossip, tabloid, national, international; pretty much every type of media outlet that you can think of is talking about the fact that Mr. Carter is alive and well.”

I closed my eyes briefly and when I reopened them Detective Eaton was still staring me in the face. “What does this mean?”

“It means that the stakes just got a hell of a lot higher for the five of you.” Detective Bell deadpanned. “Mr. Scott’s killers now know that they murdered the wrong man, and they now know that the five of you have seemingly disappeared.”

“So, what you’re saying is that these psychos are now officially looking for us?” AJ interrupted. “We’re now legitimately being hunted?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Detective Eaton removed his eyes from my face and turned to AJ. “All of this is no longer a precaution, Mr. McLean. You’re in real danger now.”

“Great.” AJ slumped back against the couch and folded his arms across his chest. “Just fucking great.”

“This arrived by email this morning.” Detective Bell pulled an envelope out of his jacket and handed it to me with a look of apology. “We still haven’t been able to trace the sender.”

I removed the single sheet of paper, even though I had no desire to look at it. I already knew what I was about to see. Just as I feared, I found myself looking at a set of promotional photos. Only, this time, the red ‘X’ had been removed from Nick’s face. Like before, there was a chilling line of text that incorporated our song lyrics: ‘Caught in the middle / And I’m tired of your games of hide and seek - - - - All Five Together Again’.

“Jesus.” Howie breathed over my shoulder. “These guys are seriously messed up.”

I passed the picture across the room to Nick without comment. I knew that there was no point in trying to hide it from the others; I had made that mistake once already.

“There has to be something that you can do.” Nick held the picture out to Detective Bell as if it were going to bite him. “You can’t just expect us to sit in this house and wait to be attacked.”

“We’re doing all that we can.” Detective Bell accepted the picture from Nick and I handed him the envelope. “You’re safe here.”

“What about our wives and our kids?” I demanded. “Are they safe?”

Detective Bell nodded reassuringly. “These people don’t want to hurt your families. They’re only interested in the five of you.”

“That being said, we have secretly disabled the Twitter account belonging to one of your wives.” Detective Eaton interjected. “We did it as a precautionary measure. Her recent tweets were leading us to believe that she might be on the verge of posting something that would somehow compromise your safety.”

Brian’s face immediately flushed with embarrassment. “It was my wife wasn’t it? What did she post?”

Detective Eaton exchanged a quick look with his partner. “It’s not important who it was or what they said. We’ve taken care of it.”

“We don’t really want to know anyway.” I gave Brian what I hoped was a supportive looking smile. His face was positively on fire and he was fidgeting uncomfortably. “You can disable all of their social media accounts for all we care.”

Nick nodded vigorously in agreement. “Yeah, go ahead and take it all down. Who cares about Twitter anyways?”

“We’ll see about that, if and when the time comes.” Detective Eaton stood up from his seat. “In the meantime, keep a low profile and make sure that you follow the house rules. As long as the five of you continue to do your part, we’ll be able to keep you safe.”

“We understand.” I spoke for the group as Detective Bell stood up to join his partner. “We’ll follow the rules.”

** BRIAN **

My face was hot with shame. I kept my eyes firmly locked on my fidgeting hands; acutely aware of the fact that the other guys were exchanging knowing glances behind my back. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Leighanne was the one who had posted the potentially incriminating message on Twitter. The other women barely even used the social networking site.

“It’s not her fault, Brian.” Howie’s voice was soft and soothing. “She had no way of knowing that what she was posting could potentially be harmful.”

“We don’t even know what she posted.” AJ added. “I’m sure it was something pointless and the police are just reading too much into it.”

I reached for the remote that was sitting on the coffee table, making sure to keep my gaze low as I ignored Howie and AJ’s comments. I pointed the remote at the TV and began to hastily scroll through the guide. I suddenly had an immense desire to know what the media was saying about us.

“What are you doing?” Nick worried. “Why are you stopping on CNN?”

“Don’t you want to know what people are saying?” I forced myself to look into Nick’s apprehensive face. “Aren’t you curious?”

Nick stared directly back at me. “No.”

“Shhhh!” Howie waved his hand in our general direction. “Bri, turn it up.”

I followed Howie’s instructions and turned up the volume as the screen flashed to an all too familiar scene. A young, male reporter was standing in the middle of Nick and Lauren’s driveway. Uniformed police officers were standing guard in the background, protecting the property.

“Great!” Nick slammed himself into the back of the couch. “Now, I’m going to have to move … again!”

“Shhhh!” Howie waved his hand in our direction for a second time as the reporter began to speak.

~*~*~*~
“I’m Ryan Stokes, reporting live from outside Backstreet Boy Nick Carter’s home near Franklin, Tennessee. Coverage of our top story continues this hour with the news that the deceased man found in Pinkerton Park, who was originally believed to be 90s heartthrob Nick Carter, is actually a Nashville native by the name of Dan Scott. Police have determined that Scott, who bore a striking resemblance to Carter, was the victim of mistaken identity. He was heavily drugged and then murdered after being mistaken for Carter while he was out partying at a local bar. Investigators are remaining tight lipped about how and why Scott came to be in possession of Carter’s identification. Scott, an investment broker, leaves behind a wife and three young sons.

Investigators have released virtually no details about the motive behind Scott’s murder. While police have admitted that Carter was obviously the intended target, they are refusing to comment about why someone would want to kill the boy band member. At this time, it appears as though the police still have no leads, despite the fact that they have surveillance video of Scott leaving the bar in the company of at least one other man.

To add another layer of ambiguity to this case, Carter has yet to come forward. The location of his fiancé, Lauren Kitt, also remains a mystery, as do the whereabouts of Carter’s band mates; AJ McLean, Brian Littrell, Howie Dorough, and Kevin Richardson. Flight records indicate that Dorough and Richardson flew into Nashville on Sunday and that McLean landed in Atlanta, Georgia early Sunday morning. While there are no flight records available for Littrell, his vehicle is parked behind me; indicating that he, and possibly McLean, were at Carter’s home sometime between Sunday afternoon and yesterday night when the news of Scott’s murder was made public. According to a Twitter post composed by Littrell’s wife yesterday afternoon, she has received no contact from her husband since he left their home in Alpharetta, Georgia on Sunday morning. The Twitter account from which the post originated has since been disabled. The police are refusing to answer questions related to the whereabouts of the once top-selling boy band, but it is believed that all five members are still in the vicinity of Franklin, Tennessee.”
~*~*~*~

“I knew it.” I mumbled. The heat was once again coursing through my face as I stared at the television. The image of the reporter had been replaced by a group shot of the five of us; a voice over was busy outlining the fact that we had just finished a European tour. “What was Leighanne thinking?”

“This is bad.” Kevin announced, ignoring my whining. “Our travel records are now public knowledge. Whoever is after us now knows for sure that we haven’t left Tennessee.”

“They made us sound washed up.” I continued to whine; enjoying my own private pity party. “We’re still relevant. What was all of that 1990s bullshit?”

“Seriously?” Howie gave me a patronizing glance. “That’s what you’re concerned about?”

“Do you appreciate being referred to as a bunch of losers?” I shot back. “That’s not going to help us sell tickets.”

“We won’t be selling any tickets if we’re dead.” AJ interjected. He slammed his empty mug down on the coffee table and looked back and forth between me and Howie. “We are not going to fight about this right now! Who the fuck cares about what the media says about us?”

“Isn’t that what you told me the other day, Bri?” Nick’s voice was tentative; halting. “I thought you said that you don’t care about what people think.”

My face flushed, only this time I was the cause of my own embarrassment. “I don’t care what people say. I just don’t want to focus on the serious part of the story; the stuff that Kevin was pointing out.”

Nick gave me a sad, sympathetic smile. “That sounds like something that I’m supposed to say.”

“It’s true for all of us right now.” AJ muttered. “I just want all of this to be over.” He reached over and slid the remote out of my fingers, changing the channel to ESPN. “I’m done listening to people speculate about where we are and what we’re doing.”

I leaned back on the couch, my head resting neatly in the space between AJ’s and Nick’s. The three of us swivelled our eyes to the baseball scores that were running across the bottom of the screen, but I knew that none of us were really absorbing the numbers. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Howie and Kevin whispering back and forth; their faces wrinkled in seriousness and concentration. Although I knew that it wasn’t a possibility, I actually found myself hoping that the two of them would somehow come up with a solution to get us out of this mess, just like they always had when we were younger.

“Howie and I are going to go into town.” Kevin abruptly stood up from the couch and Howie followed dutifully behind.

“You’re going to town?” I repeated. “The police just told us not to leave the house.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “The police told us to follow the rules. We’re allowed to leave as long as we tell Tony and Joey where we’re going.”

“What are you going to get?” AJ narrowed his eyes. “A break from the three of us?”

Kevin’s upper lip twitched. “We’re going to the hardware store and maybe a few other places.”

“For what?” I pestered. “What’s so important that it’s potentially worth risking your lives?”

Howie and Kevin exchanged a quick glance. It was easy to see that they were debating about whether or not we were worthy of hearing their plan.

“Just some everyday stuff … some rope, a few flashlights …” Howie shrugged. “… maybe a baseball bat or two.”

I could feel my eyes widening as I looked back and forth between the two oldest members of our group. “You’re going to get stuff that we can use as weapons?”

Howie shrugged again. “If that’s how you want to see it.”

“How else am I supposed to see it?” I demanded. “Do you really think that any of us are going to be capable of bludgeoning someone to death with a baseball bat?”

Kevin gave me a long, sideways glance. “You almost choked someone to death less than two hours ago.”

“I thought that he was going to KILL AJ.” I once again found myself becoming defensive. “What was I supposed to do?”

“You did exactly what you should have done.” Kevin’s tone conveyed the fact that he was being completely serious. “We have to face the facts. Our lives are in danger, and we have to realize that there may not always be someone else around to protect us.”

“Just let them go.” Nick interrupted morosely. His eyes were still glued to the television. “Just let them go.”

** HOWIE **

“Do you think he’s going to sit in the car the whole time?” I cast what I hoped was an inconspicuous glance at Joey as Kevin deposited a handful of change into the parking meter.

“Those stitches on his forehead make him look like a criminal.” Kevin observed. “We’re probably better off if he stays in the car.”

“That’s true.” I flicked my eyes in Joey’s direction for a second time. The large man was wedged into the driver’s seat of a Ford Focus. Kevin was right; he did look like a criminal with his swollen face and permanent scowl.

“This place doesn’t even open until nine.”

I turned my attention back to Kevin, who had finished depositing change into the meter. He was now peering intently at the sign attached to the front door of ‘Handy Harold’s Hardware’.

I twisted my arm to look at my watch. “It’s ten to eight.”

“Figures.” Kevin muttered; his eyes were busy scanning the storefronts that lined the downtown street. “Do you want to have breakfast?” He nodded in the direction of a diner that occupied one of the corner units. “That should kill an hour.”

“Bad choice of words.” I laughed as I fell into step beside him. “But breakfast sounds good.”

The diner was clearly a local favourite. It was already full with patrons, most of them who were obviously on their way to work. I felt slightly self-conscious; not only were Kevin and I outsiders, but we also didn’t blend in with the rest of the business-casual looking crowd.

“The booth on the side is free.” A young women clad in a green checkered dress motioned towards the empty booth as she passed by us carrying a tray loaded down with food. “Have a seat, and I’ll be over in a few minutes to take your order.”

Kevin and I slid into the vinyl booth and I immediately picked up the menu. I couldn’t shake the feeling that people were staring at us.

“I might have the meat lover’s skillet.” Kevin mused. “What are you thinking?”

“Belgian waffle.” I decided; my eyes landing on the mouth-watering picture. “With strawberries and whipped cream and a side of bacon.”

“I meant why do you look so anxious?” Kevin chuckled. “But I appreciate the fact that you know exactly what you want to eat.”

I folded my menu and placed it on the table, taking a quick glance around the crowded restaurant before I returned my attention to Kevin. “I feel like we’re being watched.”

“Really?” Kevin did his own casual scan of the early morning customers. “Nobody seems to be paying us any attention.”

“You boys know what you’re having?” The waitress had materialized at the edge of our table; her pen poised to take our orders. “Coffees?”

I smiled warmly up into the woman’s face. She was probably in her mid to late twenties; fresh and clean with no makeup. A perfunctory glance at her nametag revealed that her name was Kristen. “Yes, coffee, and I’ll have the waffle with strawberries and whip, plus a side of bacon.”

“I’ll also have coffee.” Kevin informed the happy brunette. His eyes were firmly glued to her nametag. “I’ll take the meat lover’s skillet with extra hash browns.”

“Sounds good.” Kristen collected our menus and smiled widely. “You boys new to town, or are you just passing through?”

“We’re staying in the area for a few days.” I tried to be as vague as possible without sounding rude. “We’re taking a break from being on the road.”

“Oh yeah?” Kristen didn’t appear to be in any rush to leave. “Headed anywhere special?”

“Just Florida.” Kevin smoothly interjected himself into the conversation. “We’re meeting up with some friends.”

“I’ve never been to Florida.” Kristen acknowledged. “I’ve never been anywhere really; the farthest I’ve ever been is Nashville. It must be nice to be able to travel.”

“It is … sometimes.” I replied. I was in awe of the fact that this girl had never left the state. Sometimes I forgot that our fast-paced lifestyle wasn’t the norm, that not everyone had the same opportunities that we had. “It can be tiring too.”

“Hey, Kris!” A heavy-set man sitting at the counter signalled for the waitress’s attention. “You comin’ around with a refill, or what?”

Kristen rolled her eyes in a playful manner and gave Kevin and I a small wave before she headed off in the direction of the counter. “I just gave you a top up, Stan …”

“Did you see her nametag?” Kevin asked the moment that she walked away. “Her name’s Kristen.”

“I saw.” I took in Kevin’s worried expression and tired to think of something encouraging to say. It was obvious that he was missing his wife. “We’ll all be home soon enough.”

“I just wish that I could talk to her, you know?” Kevin dropped his eyes to the Formica table top and began to absently rearrange the silverware. “I want to be able to tell her that I’m okay.”

My mind flashed back to the conversation that Brian had had with Rochelle, the one in which he had reassured her that we were all alive and well. I debated letting Kevin in on the secret as I watched him struggle to make sure that his fork was perfectly in line with his knife. In the end, I decided that cryptic was the way to go. AJ and Brian would be furious if I gave away our secret.

“She’s knows that you’re okay.”

“You think so?” Kevin lifted his eyes from the table as Kristen returned with our coffee.

I waited until Kristen had walked away before I continued. “Kristin’s smart enough to figure it out.”

“I suppose.” Kevin dumped a serving of milk into his cup and stirred it into his coffee; the spoon clinking softly against the sides of the mug. “I miss her.”

“I miss Leigh too.” I leaned back against the vinyl backing of the booth, listening to it creak under my weight. Over Kevin’s shoulder, I could see Kristen coming out of the kitchen with our food.

“Can I get you boys anything else?” Kristen asked once she had deposited the plates on the table. She smiled warmly at us. “Jam?”

I shook my head, gazing down at my waffle that had the circumference of a basketball. It was topped with what appeared to be a full pint of strawberries, and I was pretty sure that the cook had unloaded an entire can of whipped cream on top of it. My side of bacon had come on a separate plate; eight gloriously greasy rations.

“No thanks.”

“I think there’s a full pig on my plate.” Kevin picked up his fork and stared at his breakfast, seemingly unsure of where and how to begin. “I probably could have done without the extra hash browns.”

I speared a strawberry with my fork and opened my mouth to reply, but the conversation at the next table suddenly caught my attention.

“…I’m telling you, Clair, they’re definitely a couple. They came through my line at Pat’s the other day. The little southern one seemed embarrassed by the whole thing …”

Kevin choked on a piece of bacon and took a long swig of coffee to wash it down. Our eyes locked as he set his mug down on the table, and I couldn’t resist smirking at him. It was obvious that he had also picked up on the women’s conversation.

“…I was watching the tall, blonde one the whole time that they were in the street. It’s such a shame, don’t you think? They’re both so attractive. It’s really a waste that they’re not interested in women. Can you imagine the children? …”

I stuffed a massive piece of waffle into my mouth to stifle my laughter. I could only imagine how Brian and Nick must have behaved in the grocery store. Whatever the two of them had done, they had certainly created a lasting impression with the two middle aged women sitting next to us.

“… Did they mention if they were staying in town? I would love to get a glimpse of them again. Gay or not, the blonde one sure knows how to fill out a pair of jeans …”

“Can you believe this?” I whispered. “Those women think that Brian and Nick are a couple and they’re still ogling after them?”

Kevin swallowed his mouthful of hash browns and sighed. “I don’t get it. I really don’t.”

“… I don’t remember what they said. I’m pretty sure that the blonde mentioned something about the Kentucky boy’s cousin. Maybe they’re in town to visit him …”

Kevin choked again; this time on a piece of ham. He dropped his fork onto his plate and reached desperately for his coffee.

“… A cousin, huh? Good Lord, I can only imagine what he must look like; drop dead gorgeous, I’m sure! I wonder if he swings the same way …”

“Did you hear that, Kev?” I took a sip of my own coffee and grinned wickedly at him. “You’re drop dead gorgeous.”

Kevin snorted. “I wonder what they would say if I walked over and announced that I was the ‘Kentucky boy’s’ cousin?”

“They probably wouldn’t believe you.” I laughed. “I think they’re hoping for more of a Brian look-a-like.”

Kevin actually scowled. “How is it that the two of us are always overlooked? Maybe it’s because I’m not a woman, but I honestly don’t see how Nick and Brian became the favourites. Nick is practically a cookie-cutter creation of what a pop star should be; tall, blonde, blue eyes. How boring is that?”

The angry expression on Kevin’s face was only serving to make me laugh even harder. The poor guy really did look offended by the whole situation. “You have your own breed of Kevin groupies.” I pointed out. “At least you’re not plain, old, generic Howie.”

“You’re not generic.” Kevin jabbed rather forcefully at his food. “Who says that you’re generic?”

“Everyone.” I sighed. “I think it’s fairly common knowledge that most of our fans could give two shits about whether I’m around or not.”

Kevin’s scowl intensified. “That’s not true.”

“Even you guys don’t care half of the time.” I shrugged. “It’s cool.”

“What do you mean that we don’t care?” Kevin set his fork down on his plate and directed his intense stare towards my face. “We all care about you.”

I took a deep, unsteady breath. Was I really going to continue to pursue the conversation? “Sometimes it feels like I’m on my own.”

“Really?” Kevin continued to peer intently into my face. “You feel like we leave you out?”

“Sometimes.” I admitted. “I always seem to be the odd man out. It’s always Nick and Brian, or AJ and Brian, or you and Nick. No one is ever automatically part of team Howie.”

“I thought that you and I were a team.” Kevin gestured between the two of us and laughed to lighten the mood. “You know? The old guys versus the young guys.”

“You think so?” I cut up another small bite of my waffle to occupy my hands. “I suppose that’s kind of true. At least it’s an accurate reflection of how things have been over the past few days.”

“You’re an integral part of the group.” Kevin’s serious expression had returned. “I know that you have my back no matter what. You’re steady and predictable, and not in a bad way.”

“I guess steady and predictable is better than generic.” I cracked a smile to show that I was teasing. “Thanks, Kev.”

Kevin simply smiled and resumed eating his breakfast. I followed his lead and returned to the task of cutting up my massive waffle. I wasn’t sure if I felt one hundred percent better about the situation, but I definitely felt more settled than I had last night when I had told AJ that he had a mangled face.

“I’ll just leave this here for whenever you boys are ready. There’s no rush.”

I looked up as Kristen slid a small black tray onto the table containing the bill and two red and green striped mints. She topped up our coffees and set a few more containers of milk on the table before hurrying off to attend to the women who had been yammering on about Brian and Nick.

Kevin snatched the bill off of the tray and looked at it in astonishment. “$14.50? How is this place not going bankrupt?”

I looked down at my half eaten plate of food and shook my head. I couldn’t force myself to eat another bite even if I wanted to; the portions were definitely outrageous given the minimal price.

“Maybe that’s only the bill for one of us.” I suggested, catching sight of another small piece of paper. I plucked the paper off of the tray and flipped it over. “She must have given us separate bills.”

“Now, that would make sense.” Kevin acknowledged as he reached into his back pocket for his wallet. “I feel weird carrying around this much cash.”

“Try not to let everyone see it.” I glanced cautiously around the still crowded diner before dropping my eyes to the small piece of paper in my hands. What I saw immediately made my blood run cold.

“Howie?” I could hear the uneasiness in Kevin’s voice. “What’s the matter? Did she charge you way too much?”

I could practically feel the colour draining from my face. My hands felt clammy and the paper was beginning to curl beneath my fingers. The message was typed as opposed to hand written. The words and the delivery had both been premeditated; someone had definitely been watching us.

“Howie?” Kevin tried again. “What’s wrong?”

Not trusting my voice, I slid the paper across the speckled Formica table into Kevin’s waiting hand. I kept my eyes trained on his face as he picked up the small piece of paper; watched as his eyes widened in fear and his skin paled. Like the others, this message was cryptic, but shockingly clear: ‘Me and my boys went out, just to end up in misery / I was about to go home and there she was standing in front of me - - - - The two of you may be older, but are you wiser?’

** AJ **

I cast a fleeting glance at Nick and Brian. Both of them were still staring lazily at the television; their eyes half-glazed over. The three of us hadn’t moved since Kevin and Howie had departed on their weapon retrieval mission. I was hurt by the fact that the three of us had, once again, been told that we were too immature to handle a serious situation, and I was pretty sure that Nick and Brian were both nursing similar feelings of resentment.

“It’s time for breakfast!” I announced with forced enthusiasm, propelling myself off of the couch in one fluid movement. “Who wants eggs?”

Nick and Brian blinked in unison; their faces registering identical expressions of surprise and scepticism. It was borderline concerning how similar the two of them could be at times.

“I’ll help you.” Brian offered with much less enthusiasm than I had originally displayed. “The police will have a fit if we add a house fire to our growing list of indiscretions.”

“I’m perfectly capable of making bacon and eggs.” I strode over to the fridge and pulled it open, well aware of the fact that Brian was lurking almost immediately behind me. “Your lack of confidence upsets me.”

“Have you forgotten about the London fiasco?” Nick quipped as he joined me and Brian in the kitchen. “We almost had to buy that house.”

“That was a SMALL fire.” I pulled the bacon out of the fridge and tossed it on the counter before I reached for the eggs. “There was no reason for it to have produced that much smoke.”

Brian rolled his eyes. He pulled two pans out of a cupboard and set them on the stove. “Those flames were pretty big.”

“Do you guys remember the look on Howie’s face?” Nick was already laughing. “He came flying down the stairs, wrapped in a towel, with his hair still full of shampoo …”

“…clutching his phone in one hand and his laptop in the other!” Brian finished Nick’s sentence and dissolved into a fit of laughter.

“His voice was all high and panicky!” I added my own memories between spurts of amusement. “He was so busy screaming that he ran right into the firemen as they were coming in the door.”

“He started shouting at them in falsetto Spanish …” Nick’s shoulders were shaking with laughter. “…and then he almost lost his towel!”

“Poor Howie.” Brian sputtered. “He always seems to bear the brunt of every situation.”

I sucked in the last of my laughter and reached over Nick’s shoulder to pull a bowl out of one of the upper cabinets. “Did he seem upset yesterday?”

“Who?” Brian neatly opened the package of bacon and began adding rations to one of the pans. “Howie?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “It seemed as if something was bugging him.” I cracked an egg into the bowl and watched as the yolk fell to the bottom. “It almost seemed like he was mad at us.”

“He did tell you that your face looked mangled.” Nick sniggered. “Which isn’t all that far from the truth.”

I brandished the fork that I was holding in Nick’s direction and narrowed my eyes. “I WILL stab you with this.”

“He’s probably just stressed out.” Brian interjected. “We all know that he doesn’t deal very well with traumatic situations.”

I cracked another egg into the bowl and cursed softly under my breath as a small piece of shell landed amongst the yolks. “Do he and Kevin seem especially close lately, or is it just me?”

“They’re ganging up on us.” Nick muttered. He pulled six slices of bread out of the bag and placed four of them in the toaster. “That’s nothing new.”

“I know …” I gave up trying to retrieve the piece of shell with the fork and plunged my index finger into the bowl of raw eggs. “… I guess Kev is right; this is what works.”

“The past year HAS worked.” Nick insisted. “I’m happy.”

I flicked the piece of shell into the sink and cracked another egg into the bowl. The idea that Nick was both sober and happy at the same time filled me with a renewed sense of confidence.

“Me too, Nick.”

“What about you, Bri?” Nick asked the question cautiously, without taking his eyes off of the toaster.

“I’m happy with us.” Brian carefully removed the bacon from the pan one strip at a time; his eyes focused on his task. “For the first time in a long time, I’m feeling good about what we’re doing. I’m glad that we’re all friends again.”

I stepped up beside Brian at the stove and dumped the freshly beaten eggs into the pan. “We’ve always been friends.”

“On the surface, yes.” Brian shoved a spatula into my hands. “But not in the way that we have been for the past year and a half.”

“Do you think that’s why we’re being targeted now?” Nick added the final two pieces of bread to the toaster and wrinkled his face in consternation. “Do you think that whoever is after us knows that we’re all finally happy and is out to ruin it?”

“I doubt their motive is that well thought out.” I replied. “Like the police said, we’re a fairly easy target.”

“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.” Nick brought the plate of toast over to the table before returning to the fridge to retrieve a jar of strawberry jam and a jug of orange juice.

Satisfied that the eggs were fully scrambled, I turned the burner off and tipped the steaming mountain of eggs into a clean bowl. Brian grabbed the plate of bacon and the two of us joined Nick at the table. The three of us served ourselves in silence; Nick’s comment hanging heavy in the air.

“It makes me feel worse.” I decided, tearing into a piece of bacon. “I wish we knew why we were being targeted.”

“Me too.” Brian agreed. “I keep trying to figure out if we have ever inadvertently pissed someone off. I mean, we must have done something to someone at some point, or else we wouldn’t be in this situation.”

“I’m pretty sure that Kevin was initially under the impression that your family had something to do with it.” I looked pointedly at Nick. “He never actually said anything to me, but it was the vibe that I was getting from him.”

Nick snorted and placed a heaping mouthful of eggs into his mouth. “Sadly, his suspicions were probably warranted. My mom did just find out that I made Lauren the primary beneficiary of my estate. What she doesn’t know is that she’ll never see a penny; even if Lauren isn’t able to claim the money.”

“We were going to look for a copy of your will …” I started. The conversation was making me feel uneasy. “… when we thought that you were dead.”

Nick swallowed his eggs with a loud gulp. “I don’t keep a copy at the house. My lawyer would have read it to you guys though. He would have had no choice but to tell you what it said.”

“Why?” Brian looked as uneasy as I felt. “What – what does it say?”

Nick grinned. “Do you guys really want to know?”

I exchanged a quick look with Brian before I turned to Nick. “We want to know if you want to tell us.”

“In the event that Lauren is unable to receive the money, my estate would be divided up amongst the kids; fifteen percent each for Baylee, James, Mason, Max, and Holden and twenty-five percent for Ava.”

My mouth fell open. “You’re going to leave everything to our kids?”

Nick nodded, his cheeks beginning to colour. “It would all be held in trust until they turn eighteen. Ava gets the most because she’s the only girl.” Nick turned to Brian as he spoke. “I hope that doesn’t make you upset.”

Brian’s eyes widened. “Why would that make me upset?”

Nick shrugged. “I know how protective you are of Baylee.”

“I’m protective of Baylee because he’s my son.” Brian explained. “That doesn’t mean that I think that he’s more deserving than anyone else. Ava’s our little Backstreet Princess; she deserves everything that you’re willing to give her. I just can’t believe that – I think it’s really – I’m just …”

“It’s really sweet.” I choked, jumping in to save Brian before he could become emotional. “Really fucking sweet.”

Brian nodded his agreement as he blinked back his tears. “AJ’s right. It’s really fucking sweet.”

Nick was now sporting a full on blush. “Don’t tell Kevin and Howie. They’ll just make a big deal out of it.”

“Whatever you say, Nicky.” I pushed the last bite of toast into my mouth and sat back in my chair. The tenderness behind Nick’s decision had almost rendered me speechless.

“I think we should go for a run.” Brian arbitrarily pushed himself away from the table and stood up. He stared down at me and Nick as he waited for a response. “I need some exercise.”

I shot Nick a curious glance. The change of topic was random, even for Brian. “It doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”

“I could be persuaded to go for a run.” Nick acquiesced. “Let’s clean up and call Tony first.”

Fifteen minutes later, the three of us were standing at the bottom of the driveway. After a quick warm-up, we started off at a rather brisk pace; following the directions that Tony had explicitly laid out for us. If we didn’t return in forty-five minutes Tony would come looking for us, and the angry Italian had not so subtly alluded to the idea that we should automatically consider ourselves dead if we deviated from his pre-determined route. I crammed my headphones into my ears and the steady beats of Pitbull’s latest album filled my mind as I fell into stride next to Brian. Nick was in the front; setting the pace.

None of us spoke as our feet thudded on the ground, all of us seemingly lost in our own thoughts. We wound our way through the semi-rural neighbourhood, passing only one elderly couple out for a walk and a young woman pushing a carriage. Thankfully, the few people that we did pass paid us no attention. The early-morning sun was warm and the sweat trickled down my face as I pushed myself to keep up with Nick’s seemingly quickening pace. It appeared as though all of those workouts with Lauren had done him good; he was clearly getting himself back into shape.

I dared a quick glance at Brian as we rounded another curve and began to navigate a slight incline. He had his eyes trained on Nick’s back and his face was set in determination. It was as though he didn’t even notice the sweat that was beginning to form at the base of his hairline. His movements were steady and rhythmic, and it occurred to me in a sudden flash of embarrassment that I was the one who was probably having the most difficulty with the cardio. Buoyed on by my sudden realization, I dug my feet into the sidewalk and pushed myself to keep up.

The car caught my attention as we reached the top of the hill. It was a dark grey sedan, fairly nondescript, but it was travelling at a slower than average rate of speed. My heart rate quickened as it became apparent that the car was seemingly keeping pace with us. I swung my arm out and hit Brian in the shoulder, pulling one of my ear-buds out at the same time. Brian turned to look at me, and I nodded my head in the direction of the car.

Brian glanced over his shoulder and I immediately saw the fear flash in his eyes. He pulled one of his own headphones out of his ear. “We’re being followed?” His voice was low.

“I just noticed it when we got to the top of the hill.” I puffed.

“We can’t go back to the house.” Brian was breathing heavily, but he still sounded panicked. “It’s our only safe spot.”

“We can cut through the park.” I suggested; my eyes were frantically scanning the bungalow lined street as I gestured towards an asphalt pathway that jutted up against the sidewalk a few feet to our left. “Hopefully, we’ll be able to shake the car and we’ll end up coming out on the other end of our street. If we can do that, we should be able to make it back to the house without being seen.”

“Okay.” Brian cast another glance at the car that was still keeping pace with us. He shoved his headphone back into his ear and motioned that he was going to pass Nick on the right.

I signalled my understanding and waited until Brian made his move before increasing my speed. I ignored the burn in my calves as I passed Nick on the left, tagging him roughly on the shoulder as I flew by him. Brian was already ahead of me; sprinting down the sidewalk and turning sharply to the left in order to enter the park.

“What the fuck?!” Nick screamed. “What are you guys doing?!”

I didn’t bother to turn around as I knew full well that Nick would match our speed in order to keep up. Sure enough, Nick flew past me a few seconds later. He veered to the left to follow Brian into the park and I saw him glance back at the road. It was obvious that he now knew why we were suddenly in a rush.

The adrenaline was coursing through my body, but my chest was heaving with the effort of running at such an intense pace for such an extended period of time. Nick had managed to catch up to Brian, and the two of them were now several feet ahead of me as we wound our way through the tree lined path that encircled the edge of the park. I summoned my last ounce of energy and increased my speed; my feet slapping loudly against the pavement as I closed the gap and caught up to Brian and Nick.

The three of us exited the park at a rapid clip, flying across the street without even checking the traffic. We sprinted along the side of the road; the scenery bouncing by us as we forced ourselves to keep going. I could see the strain on Nick’s face as he looked in my direction. I could see the fear in his eyes as his gaze settled on something behind me and out of my field of vision.

“It’s the same car!” Nick forced the words out between his heavy breaths. “Move!”

My lungs felt as if they were on fire. The sweat was now streaming down my face and burning my eyes, but I didn’t dare take the time to wipe it away. All it would take is one wrong move, one misstep, and I would be on the pavement. I dared a look over my shoulder and confirmed that the grey sedan was still behind us. Albeit, it was partially obscured from view by a garbage truck that was rolling slowly down the street.

We rounded a sharp corner, putting ourselves out of the mystery driver’s line of sight. Our house came into view and the three of us half sprinted, half stumbled up the driveway. We didn’t even attempt to go in the front door, choosing instead to plough full force around the side of the house and into the backyard.

I fell to the ground as soon as I was sure that we were no longer visible from the street. The grass felt cool beneath my fingers as I manoeuvred myself onto my back, closing my eyes against the brightness of the sun. I could hear Nick breathing heavily to my right and Brian wheezing painfully to my left. Eventually, it was Brian’s desperate gasping that forced me to open my eyes. I rolled over onto my side and dragged myself up onto my knees, finally wiping the sweat from my face with the back of my hand.

“Brian, are you okay?”

Brian didn’t respond. He was lying on his back with his eyes squeezed shut, both of his hands pressing down firmly on his chest. His expression was pained.

“Brian?” I repeated his name more urgently. “Shit!”

Nick had been laying face first on the ground; his right cheek resting on the lawn, but he pushed himself up and joined me at Brian’s side as my voice rose in anxiety. He was still breathing heavier than normal as he peered up into my face.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“I dunno.” I gently slapped my fingers against Brian’s cheek. “Brian, can you open your eyes?”

Brian groaned and slowly opened his eyes, squinting against the sun. His eyes flipped back and forth between me and Nick and he groaned again. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” I continued to peer into Brian’s face as he removed his hands from his chest. “Can you sit up?”

Brian nodded and allowed me and Nick and to pull him up into a sitting position. He blinked a few times as he scanned the backyard. “We shouldn’t have left the house.”

“No shit.” I let go of Brian’s arm and fell back on the grass, pulling my knees up to my chest. I was drenched in sweat and my bare legs felt sticky against the underside of my arms. “Tony shouldn’t have let us leave.”

“It wouldn’t have mattered.” Brian’s breathing finally seemed to be at least semi under control. “We would have gone anyway.”

“God, we’re fucking stupid.” I leaned my forehead on my knees and immediately regretted the movement. I desperately needed a shower.

“Guys …”

I pulled my head up and saw that Nick had gotten to his feet. He wobbled slightly, his fatigued muscles struggling to carry his weight as he made his way onto the deck. I followed his line of sight and noticed the manila envelope that was taped to the back door at the exact moment that Nick snatched it off of the glass. He returned to the lawn and sat down next to me and Brian. He was holding the envelope as if he were afraid that it was going to spontaneously burst into flames.

“Should I open it?”

“Yes” Brian answered at the same time that I shook my head ‘no’.

Nick looked back and forth between me and Brian. “I think we should open it.”

Without waiting for another response, Nick reached inside the envelope and removed the single sheet of paper with his sweaty fingers. He flipped it over and held it out for all of us to look at. It was a performance shot of the three of us and, as usual, there was a message at the bottom: ‘I can’t take the chance / Of running into / You running into me / So lock the door / And close the window - - - - What will the three of you do without your “big brothers” around to save you?’

** KEVIN **

I was panicking, but I didn’t want Howie to know it. I struggled to control the tremor in my fingers as I pulled thirty dollars out of my wallet and threw it on the table. Kristen deserved a generous tip anyways. I stuffed my wallet and the creepy note into my back pocket and motioned for Howie to follow my lead as I stood up as casually as possible. I could hear him falling into step behind me as I walked purposefully towards the exit, waving goodbye to Kristen as she hurried to refill the coffee mugs belonging to a pair of construction workers who were sitting at the long counter.

Thankfully, Howie picked up on my desire to play it cool and he waited until we were alone on the sidewalk before he spoke. “What are we going to do? Do we show the note to Joey?”

I nodded definitively, lengthening my strides to increase my speed. I was fighting the urge to sprint towards our waiting bodyguard, as I knew that the two of us running full speed down the street at nine o’clock in the morning would attract unnecessary attention. I was trying unsuccessfully to look in every direction at once. Whoever had slipped the note under our bill had to still be in the general vicinity. I was sure that the culprit was still watching us; I could feel it.

“Where is he?”

Howie’s voice cut into my thoughts and I stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk. The Focus was empty and Joey was nowhere in sight. I twirled around in place, my eyes frantically scanning the semi-crowded street. The good-for-nothing lump had said that he was going to stay in the car. He was supposed to be protecting us.

“Do you think that something happened to him?” Howie’s voice was creeping into the falsetto range. He was clearly on the verge of a breakdown.

“Let’s get the stuff that we came for.” I gestured in the direction of the hardware store that now boasted an ‘Open’ sign in the front window. “If Joey doesn’t show up by the time we’re done, we’re leaving without him.”

“This is a bad idea.” Howie hissed as the two of us stepped into the store. “We should just head back to the house.”

The door creaked softly as we stepped inside, and the older man behind the counter looked up from his newspaper and nodded politely in our direction. I returned his nod and elbowed Howie discreetly in the ribs. The last thing that I wanted was for the man to pay us any unwarranted attention. I let out a breath that I didn’t even know that I had been holding as Howie fell silent, and began leading the way down the first aisle.

“We’ll be less than ten minutes.” I promised. “Go and look for the baseball bats.”

“Fine.” Howie glanced at his watch. “But we’re leaving after ten minutes. I don’t care if we’ve found everything or not.”

“Fair enough.” I relented as I checked my own watch. “I’ll meet you in front of the cash.”

Howie stalked off in search of the sporting goods section and I returned my attention to the multitude of items on the shelves in front of me. I yanked a spool of rope off of the wall and looped it around my arm as I moved hastily down the aisle. I had less than eight minutes to find flashlights, batteries, and whatever else I thought that we could use.

My eyes quickly scanned the overflowing shelves as I hustled down the second aisle. The apprehension was building in my stomach and I tried desperately to keep it at bay. I could practically feel the note burning a hole in my back pocket. The notion that we were being watched made me want to vomit. The police had promised that we would be safe here, that nobody would be able to find us if we followed the rules. A lot of good listening to the police had done us. I couldn’t wait to get Detective Eaton and Detective Bell on the phone so that I could rip the two of them a new one.

“Excuse me?”

I pulled my eyes away from the shelves and turned in the direction of the soft, feminine voice. A young woman was standing in the aisle staring woefully at the display of screwdrivers.

“Do you know which one of these is a philipshead?”

It took me a moment to find my voice. The woman was strikingly beautiful; slender and petite with wide set green eyes and flowing blonde hair.

“It’s this one here.” I stepped up beside her and pulled the appropriate screwdriver off of the shelf.

“Thank you.” The woman wrapped her tiny fingers around the screwdriver and flashed me a near-perfect smile. “I’m trying to assemble an Ikea dresser.”

“Ahhh” I smiled knowingly. “Those can be tricky.”

The woman kept her eyes trained on my face; her smile pulling softly at the corners of her mouth. “You look familiar.”

“Really?” I tried to play it cool, to keep my voice level. “I’m nobody special.”

A look of recognition crossed the woman’s face. “You’re Kevin – Kevin Richardson from the Backstreet Boys!”

Shit! I was immediately overcome with anxiety. I needed to find Howie and get out of the store before this woman caused a scene. Although she appeared to be calm and relaxed, I knew from experience that even seemingly well-adjusted fans could turn into raving lunatics with less than a moment’s notice. The woman was now rummaging around in her purse and I was beginning to sweat.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” The women pressed. She pulled a standard sized photograph out of her purse and smiled brightly at me. “You’re Kevin and this is your family.” She turned the picture around and held it out to me.

My mouth fell open in surprise. Her well-manicured fingers were holding a surveillance style photograph of my wife and children. The three of them had clearly been out for a walk. Kristin was pushing Max in a stroller and Mason was running on ahead of them, his small face lit up in delight as he chased a pigeon along the sidewalk.

“Where did you get that?” My voice warbled and I immediately hated myself for sounding so weak. This woman was easily ten years younger than me and probably one hundred pounds lighter. She shouldn’t have been able to gain the upper hand so easily.

The woman continued to stare at me. The look in her eyes had changed. The innocence and sweetness had been replaced by abhorrence and disdain. Her smile had become sinful.

“Don’t make a scene.”

“What are you …” I trailed off as I felt the gun press into the small of my back. My body tensed and the spool of rope slid off of my arm.

The woman kicked the rope to the side as it hit the floor. “If you do as we say, nothing will happen to Mason and Max. Do you understand?”

“What about Kristin?” I choked, realizing that the woman hadn’t mentioned her name.

The woman rolled her eyes. “If you do as we say, nothing will happen to Mason, Max, and Kristin.” She gave me a pointed look. “Okay?”

I nodded stiffly. The gun was still pressing into my spine and I could feel someone’s warm breath on the back of my neck. I had yet to turn around, but I knew that it was a man standing behind me.

“Kev?”

I pulled my eyes away from the woman’s sickeningly smug expression and looked into Howie’s fearful face. He was standing at the end of the aisle and Joey was directly behind him. I knew without needing to see the weapon that Howie was also being held at gunpoint.

“Oh good!” The woman announced gleefully. “It looks like we’re all ready to go.”

My stomach plummeted. “Joey’s in on it?”

Howie’s eyes widened; confirming my suspicions. “He showed me a picture of Leigh and the boys.”

Howie sounded like he was on the verge of tears and I found myself praying that he wouldn’t cry. We couldn’t let our emotions get in the way.

“Move!” The voice behind me was low and gruff. “Don’t even think about signalling to the old guy for help.”

I took a tentative step forward as the mystery man jabbed the gun sharply into my lower back. The woman’s perfume wafted into my nose as I stepped around her and the smell churned my stomach. I thought back to the message that was tucked into my back pocket. The warning had been on the note and I had been too stupid to put it together. I had been too stupid to decipher the message hidden behind the words that I had sung hundreds, probably even thousands, of times over the past decade: ‘I was about to go home and there SHE was standing in front of me’.

My body shuddered involuntarily as the five of us shuffled past the bored looking man behind the counter. The elderly man barley even glanced up as we left the store. I couldn’t have signalled for help even if I had managed to summon the nerve to do so.

The mid-morning sun was high in the sky by the time we stepped back out onto the sidewalk. I squinted against the brightness and stumbled roughly as the man standing behind me urged me forward towards the waiting Focus. I grabbed on to Howie’s shoulder to steady myself and was surprised to discover that he was trembling. His whole body was shaking beneath my fingers.

“Get in.” Joey instructed. He pulled open the back door and pushed Howie forcefully towards the car while simultaneously tucking his gun back into his jacket.

Howie complied without a word; his head bowed in defeat as he slid into the car. I felt the barrel of the gun pull away from my back as the man holding it stepped around me and followed Howie into the backseat. He was short, stocky, and built like a tank. His muscles bulged against the confines of his t-shirt and the veins in his neck looked as if they were ready to explode.

“Now you.” Joey wrapped his thick fingers around my arm and guided me towards the open door. “Get in the back.”

I glared menacingly at the man who I had come to see as our protector as I allowed myself to be pushed into the car. It was a tight fit with the three of us in the backseat, and I could feel the heat radiating off of Joey’s beefy Italian counterpart. I swallowed hard as I realized that the man sitting beside me had yet to put away his weapon; he was still twirling the gun around in his fingers as if it were nothing more than a harmless toy.

“Are you and the boys comfy back there, Vinny?” Joey slid into the driver’s seat and smirked at me in the rear-view mirror. “You three look nice and cozy.”

The man beside me grunted in response. He looked about as impressed as Howie and I did about being wedged into the confined space. “Let’s hurry this shit up.”

“Don’t worry.” The woman settled herself into the passenger seat and turned around to face us. “We’re not going far.”

I shouldn’t have opened the envelope. What had I been thinking? My fingers were shaking so badly that I could barely hold on to the paper.

“They were here.” AJ had hauled himself to his feet and was pacing anxiously around the yard. “They’ve found our hiding place. We’re sitting ducks!”

I stared down at the image in my hands and struggled to hold back the tears. Why was this happening to us? We had just figured out how to be happy. The picture had clearly been taken by someone in the crowd during the first leg of the In a World Like This tour. In the picture, AJ and I had our arms slung across each other’s shoulders; our eyes trained on Brian as he joked around with a girl in the audience. We all looked so excited to be on stage, so thrilled to be back together and doing what we loved. The thought that we might never be on stage again was enough to push me over the edge.

“I don’t think – I don’t think that I can do this.” The tears were sliding down my cheeks as I struggled to get the words out. I watched as the thick drops dripped off of my chin and landed on the glossy surface of the picture in my hands.

“What can’t you do?” Brian shuffled closer to me on the lawn and pulled the picture out of my still shaking hands. He placed the paper face down on the ground and looped his arm over my hunched shoulders.

“All of it.” I dropped my face onto Brian’s shoulder and allowed him to hold on to me like I was a little boy. “I can’t run, I can’t hide, and I can’t fight.”

“You have to.” Brian’s voice oozed determination. “We don’t have a choice.”

“They’re going to find us. They already have!” I sobbed. The depression was beginning to set in. “What’s the point of putting off the inevitable?”

“We don’t know what’s going to happen.” Brian sounded slightly less sure of himself. “You have Lauren to think about.”

“She’ll find someone else.” I was completely overcome with self-pity. “She’ll move on to someone better than me.”

Brian wrapped his other arm around me, pulling me closer. He tightened his grip, his fingers digging into my back. I was sobbing shamelessly now; the tears running down my face as I finally allowed myself to digest the severity of the situation. It had seemed almost like a game at first. The implications hadn’t seemed real. I had secretly been enjoying the fact that the five of us had been spending time together, that there hadn’t been any wives or kids around to make things complicated. Now that the reality had hit me, it had hit me hard. I was going to die. We were all going to die.

“Nick, you don’t have a choice.” Brian repeated his earlier statement. “We have to do this together.”

I couldn’t even bring myself to respond. Instead, I returned Brian’s embrace and squeezed my eyes shut. He smelled the way that he always did, like Old Spice. It was a scent that I would forever associate with him, a scent that consistently reminded me of my early teenage years when the two of us had roomed together on the road. I felt like a big, blubbering baby and the embarrassment warmed my face as the tears continued to fall. I was a grown man. I was almost someone’s husband. I had to pull myself together.

“Nick …” AJ had once again taken a seat on the lawn. “… Brian’s right.”

Cigarette smoke began to intermix with the scent of Old Spice and I lifted my head off of Brian’s shoulder. AJ was sitting across from the two of us, blowing smoke into the air and staring at me in concern. I slowly withdrew myself from Brian’s grip and leaned back on my hands, stretching my legs out in front of me. The heat from the sun was already beginning to dry my tears.

“You didn’t really mean it, did you?” Brian looked anxious as he addressed me. “You know that you can do this. You know that you have to fight.”

“I don’t know.” I dropped my eyes to the grass and began plucking the blades out one-by-one with my fingers. “It may be easier to just give up; to let it happen.”

“What do you mean?” AJ demanded. “How is giving up easier?”

“It will just draw things out. If we keep running and hiding and fighting, we’ll prolong our suffering.” I paused and twirled a blade of grass between my fingers. “If it’s going to be over, I just want it to be over.”

“We haven’t even had to fight yet.” AJ argued. “If one of us chooses to give up, it will be over for all of us. Like Brian said, we have to do this together.”

I let the blade of grass fall to the ground and redirected my attention towards AJ. He was inhaling sharply on his cigarette and waiting for me to respond. It was easy to see that he was scared. It was also easy to see that he didn’t want to give up, that he didn’t want to leave his little girl behind.

The pressure was building behind my eyes; I could feel a headache coming on. I knew that it was all or nothing. I knew that I would be killing my friends if I chose not to run and hide and fight back.

“There you are!” Tony burst through the backdoor and into the backyard, causing us all to jump and AJ to choke mid-exhale. “What are you three doing? I didn’t even see you come back.”

“You didn’t see us running for our lives?” Brian shot back. “You didn’t see the car that was following us?”

Tony looked at the three of us in turn, a smile pulling at his mouth. “What car did you think was following you?”

“The dark grey one.” I snapped. “The one that was driving real slow.”

The smile on Tony’s face grew. “The one with the elderly couple inside?”

“What?” My anger immediately dissipated, and I could feel my face warming in embarrassment for the second time in the past ten minutes. “What elderly couple?”

“I’m talking about the elderly couple in the grey Toyota who were following the garbage truck down the street.” Tony smirked. “They stopped to ask me for directions while I was crossing the street to come over here. Apparently, they’re looking for their son’s new house.”

I turned away from Tony and glanced back and forth between Brian and AJ. They both looked positively mortified. AJ was directing all of his attention to the remnants of his cigarette, and Brian had resumed my task of plucking single blades of grass out of the lawn.

My face was on fire; I couldn’t believe that the three of us had overreacted in such an outrageous fashion. We must have looked like complete fools sprinting down the street and diving into the backyard. This whole situation was getting the better of all of us. We were acting on impulse instead of thinking things through; a course of action that was sure to get us all killed.

“Did you think that someone was after you?” Tony was struggling to control his laughter. “Is that why you’re camped out on the lawn?”

“Someone IS after us!” I snatched the photograph off of the lawn and pushed myself to my feet. “This was taped to the back door.” I stomped across the deck and thrust the print into Tony’s stupid, smirking face. “I thought that you were supposed to be watching the house.”

The grin left Tony’s face as he turned the paper over in his hands. “You found this here?”

“I just told you that it was taped to the door.” I could feel myself becoming agitated. Didn’t this man listen?

“This doesn’t follow the M.O.” Tony was talking to himself now; mumbling almost incoherently under his breath. “I don’t understand …”

“What’s not to understand?” I demanded. “The psycho who is trying to kill us was here and you didn’t see him!”

Tony lifted his eyes from the picture and stared daggers into my face. “They’ve always gone through the police. All of the other pictures have been emailed to the station. Can’t you see what’s happening? Their behaviour is escalating; they’re becoming more brazen.”

“So, what does that mean for us?” AJ had gotten to his feet and had joined me on the deck. He folded his arms across his chest and stared at Tony expectantly. “Are we just supposed to sit here and wait for the creeper to come back?”

“I need to call this in.” Tony pulled his phone out of his pocket and began scrolling hurriedly through his contact list. It was as if he hadn’t even heard AJ’s demand. “I don’t understand how I didn’t see them …”

“What about Kevin and Howie?” Brian stepped up beside me in order to direct his own question at Tony. “They’ve been gone for almost three hours.”

“They’re in town.” Tony dismissed Brian’s concern with a wave of his hand as he brought his phone to his ear. “Joey’s with them.”

“They should have been back by now.” Brian insisted. “Have you spoken to Joey?”

Tony was quickly becoming exasperated. His eyes were practically in the back of his head as he began a rapid conversation with whoever had answered the phone. After a few, clipped, one-word grunts, he disconnected the call and turned to Brian. “What do you want me to do? Detective Eaton is on his way over.”

“I want you to call Joey and see if Kevin and Howie are okay.” Brian mimicked AJ’s pose; crossing his arms over his chest. “I want you to do your job.”

“Fine.” Tony sighed and once again began scrolling through his contact list. He pressed his thick finger against the screen and raised the phone to his ear. “I’m calling him. Are you happy?”

I caught Brian’s attention and rolled my eyes. This guy sure was a piece of work. I couldn’t help but wonder if the police would let us request some new bodyguards. Maybe they would even allow us to bring in a few members of our own security team.

“What is it?” AJ’s voice interrupted my private exchange with Brian. “What does that look mean?”

I flicked my eyes back to Tony. He had lowered the phone from his face, and he was staring at the screen with a look that was impossible to identify. It took him almost half a minute to pull his eyes away from the screen and to address the three of us.

“Joey isn’t picking up.”

** BRIAN **

By the time I finished having a shower, Detective Eaton had already arrived. He was sitting in the family room with Tony; the two of them were whispering urgently back and forth and gesturing wildly at a laptop that was open on the coffee table. I hesitated when I noticed that Nick and AJ had yet to return from their own respective showers. I was in the process of debating about whether or not to go back to the bedrooms and wait for them when Detective Eaton noticed me out of the corner of his eye.

His expression was unreadable as he motioned for me to join him and Tony on the couch. “Hello, Mr. Littrell.”

“Ya’ll c’n call me Briaaaaan.” I cringed inwardly at the sound of my own voice as I sat down on the edge of the loveseat. I hated that way that I sounded when I was anxious; comically southern with way too much emphasis on my vowels.

Detective Eaton smiled, seemingly oblivious to how ridiculous I sounded. “Very well, Brian. Where are the others?”

“AJ and Nick are having a shower.” I paused, taking note of the smirk on Tony’s face. “Separately.”

“Right.” Detective Eaton shot me a somewhat condescending expression, but he thankfully let my explanation slide. “Detective Bell is on his way into town as we speak. There must be something wrong with Joey’s cell phone. Reception is rather scattered in this particular area.”

I nodded. My thoughts immediately shifted to Kevin and Howie as I waited for the detective to continue. I hoped that my face wasn’t betraying me. I hoped that I was projecting at least some semblance of normalcy because on the inside I was throwing a hair-raising tantrum.

“Mr. Lit – Brian, have you ever heard of a website called bsbcrazies.net?” Detective Eaton turned the laptop in my direction as he asked the question.

I shook my head, allowing my eyes to wander across the screen. It looked like a pretty standard website; a group shot of the five of us had been manipulated to announce the title of the site and a series of forum titles were listed below the banner.

“It’s a fan-generated website.” Detective Eaton stated the obvious. “Some of the content is a bit intense.”

“What do you mean by ‘intense’?” I asked.

I dared a quick glance in the direction of the bedrooms. What the hell was taking AJ and Nick so long? I rubbed absently at the back of my neck and almost immediately forced myself to stop. I knew that rubbing my neck was my tell; my one true indication that I was uncomfortable.

“Some of the posts are rather graphic. People talk about the things that they would like to do to the five of you.” Detective Eaton was now starting to look uncomfortable as well. “Some people discuss the things that they would like to see the five of you do to each other.”

Despite my best efforts, I could feel my eyes widening. I knew that my face was flushed. “Like – like sexual things?”

“That’s part of it.” Detective Eaton admitted. “However, there are some posts that have violent undertones. It seems as though some of the users feel as though they’ve been slighted by one or more of you in the past. Some of the comments are rather unforgiving.”

I frowned, although I wasn’t shocked by the detective’s admission. It was no secret that some of our fans were often displeased with our behaviour. No matter what we did or how hard we tried, it always seemed like it was never enough as far as some people were concerned. We had learned to live with it over the years; to take everything in stride, to take the good along with the bad.

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked the question as Nick walked into the room.

Nick dropped down next to me on the loveseat and leaned forward to take a look at the laptop. I could feel Detective Eaton watching us closely as Nick whispered for me to fill him in. I felt hot under the detective’s stare as I quickly brought Nick up to speed; acutely aware of the fact that he had purposefully chosen to sit close to me on the couch. I could only imagine some of the comments that had been posted on the site, and I certainly had no trouble figuring out the thoughts that were currently running through Detective Eaton’s mind as he matched our current closeness to the comments that he had likely already read.

Still, one look at Nick’s anxious face was all it took for me to be able to push my embarrassment aside. The detective could make all of the inaccurate assumptions that he wanted. Nick was my friend and I wasn’t about to isolate him for a second time because I was worried about what some random man in a suit was thinking. At that moment, I needed Nick more than I had ever needed anyone in my entire life; there was no shame in that.

“We’ve determined that Mr. Scott was a member of this online community.” Detective Eaton turned his attention to Nick. “He posted quite frequently; detailing every hurdle that he overcame in order to alter his appearance.”

I could feel Nick’s body tense. He said nothing as he simply stared at Detective Eaton in anticipation.

“We’re currently looking into all of the people that Mr. Scott had regular contact with on the site.” Detective Eaton forged ahead. “We now think that Mr. Scott may have been the intended target of the original attack. It’s possible that killing Mr. Scott was a rouse to get the five of you together.”

“You think that the person who is after us belongs to this website?” I gestured at the laptop in horror. “Are you saying that the person who is trying to kill us is a fan?”

“Not necessarily.” Detective Eaton shook his head. “The culprit may or may not be a fan, but it’s highly plausible that they may have used your fans’ comments, your fans’ knowledge of your behavioural patterns, in order to orchestrate their plan.”

I squeezed my eyes closed. I could feel Nick’s hand on my arm; his fingers were curling around the muscles and pressing sharply into my skin. The idea that an innocent man had been killed because he was obsessed with Nick was eating away at my conscience. I could only imagine what Nick was going through. Logically, I knew that it wasn’t our fault, but I still couldn’t help feeling responsible. If Dan had never heard of the Backstreet Boys, he would still be alive. His wife would still have her husband and his kids would still have their father.

“They used him for the media attention.” Nick put the pieces together slowly. “They knew that everyone would mistake him for me. They planted my identification on the body so that nobody would even bother to check to see if I was still alive. That’s why you guys didn’t flag my licence plate, that’s why you didn’t freeze my bank account and my credit cards …”

“You’re right.” Detective Eaton was speaking just as slowly as Nick. “Mr. Carter, for all intents and purposes, we thought that you were dead. Perhaps we were too quick to allow the media to confirm our suspicious, but we really thought that it was you lying on the ground in Pinkerton Park. Even if we had figured out Mr. Scott’s identity sooner, the person behind this still would have generated the media attention that they were hoping for. By killing Mr. Scott, our un-sub has successfully pushed the five of you back into the mainstream media spotlight. Good or bad, everyone is now talking about the Backstreet Boys.”

“So, what are we supposed to do?” My eyes struggled to readjust to the brightness in the room as I forced them open. “You saw the photo that was left on the door. The un-sub, or whatever you just referred to this person as, knows where we’re staying.”

“We’re going to increase your security.” Detective Eaton continued to speak slowly. “We’re working around the clock to try and locate this individual. The website has provided us with some good leads, and the other members of my team are in the process of narrowing them down as we speak. Unfortunately, the only thing that we can tell you to do at the moment is to sit tight.”

“Sit tight and wait to die?” AJ angrily interjected himself into the conversation. He walked purposefully into the room and perched himself on the arm of the couch next to me.

“That’s not what we’re suggesting, Mr. McLean.” Detective Eaton struggled to keep his expression neutral. “If you don’t trust us, we’re not going to be able to help you.”

“In order for us to be able to trust you, we need to know everything.” I fixed my eyes on Detective Eaton’s face and stared at him hard. “What are you not telling us?”

Detective Eaton maintained my stare with well-practiced confidence. “The un-sub has done their research. It’s like they know how the five of you are going to react before you respond. They knew that Mr. Carter’s death would be the one to garner the most media attention. They know how the five of you interact; they know how you pair off, and they know who each of you will fight the hardest to protect. They know which of you are the leaders and which of you are the followers.”

I swallowed loudly, but I kept a hold of the detective’s gaze. Detective Eaton had clearly known this information for a few days. It was why he and Detective Bell had determined the driving arrangements when we had been leaving Nick’s house. It was why the house rules stated that groups of two were best. It was why he had looked so concerned when he had seen the clear division between the five of us earlier in the morning.

“We think that this person is working as part of a team.” Detective Eaton hesitated. “We’re fairly confident that the un-sub is a woman.”

“A woman?” I repeated. “Why do you think that?”

“The behaviour patterns that we’ve seen to date are more characteristic of women than men.” Detective Eaton explained. “Female sadists tend to be overly concerned with embarrassment and revenge. It’s becoming more and more obvious that the un-sub is trying to punish you. She not only wants to hurt you, she wants to scare you. She wants to make sure that your fear is made public; she wants the world to watch you suffer.”

“How is she going to …” I stopped mid-question as Detective Eaton’s cell phone began to vibrate on the table.

“Excuse me.” Detective Eaton’s mouth dropped into a frown as he looked at the display. He snatched his phone off of the table and started speaking before he had even fully accepted the call. “Joey, what the hell is going on? Tony and I have been trying to call you for almost two hours.”

My stomach muscles clenched and unclenched in rapid succession as I watched Detective Eaton’s face shift from annoyance to worry in less than thirty seconds. I could hear Joey’s muffled voice drifting through the speaker, but I couldn’t decipher what he was saying. Nick’s hand was still on my arm and his grip was intensifying with every nod of Detective Eaton’s head.

“I know that the reception is bad.” Detective Eaton pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a loud sigh. “Are you positive? You’ve talked to everyone in the diner and the hardware store?”

“What’s happening?” AJ’s voice caught in his throat as he attempted to address the detective. His grabbed onto my other arm and began to apply pressure in much the same way as Nick. “You’re talking about Howie and Kevin aren’t you?”

Detective Eaton removed his hand from his nose and motioned for AJ to be quiet. He exchanged a few more clipped statements with Joey before confirming that he would tell Detective Bell that he needed to turn around and return to the house. When he finally disconnected the call, his expression betrayed his anxiety.

“He’s lost Howie and Kevin, hasn’t he?” My voice was thick with tears, my accent too strong.

“They’re missing.” Detective Eaton didn’t beat around the bush. “At this point, we have no choice but to assume that they’ve been taken.”

** HOWIE **

If it were at all possible to die from fear, Joey and his steroid-popping friend would have been pulling my lifeless body from the back of the car. Instead, I was being pushed out of the backseat amidst a series of grunts and cursing. The toe of my shoe caught in the dirt and I almost face-planted into the ground. At some point during the drive, Vinny had managed to bind my hands behind my back. The most unnerving part of the whole experience was that I couldn’t even remember him doing it. I felt like I was functioning on autopilot; my ability to think for myself and to fight back seemed to have completely disappeared.

The cable ties cut into my wrists as I struggled to right myself. I could feel my skin tearing against the sharpness of the plastic as Joey came around the side of the car and grabbed me roughly by my upper arm. He jerked me forward and the two of us fell in line with Kevin and Vinny. Kevin’s hands were also locked behind his back, and Vinny was dragging him along in much the same way as Joey was controlling my movements.

The mystery woman was leading the way; staying a few feet ahead of us as we tripped along the flattened grass to what appeared to be an old industrial unit. The nondescript building loomed ahead of us and, while it looked empty, it didn’t appear to be overly rundown.

Joey’s fingers were hot on my skin and I could feel his sweat mixing with mine. My stomach flipped and I could taste the bile in the back of my throat. Kevin and I were in a seriously bad situation.

The tiny blonde came to a stop once we reached the front of the building. She began rooting around in her purse and she eventually pulled out a ring of keys. She inserted the largest key into one of the double doors and my heart sank as it popped open. We were in the middle of nowhere; at least fifteen minutes away from the two lane road that had brought us here. There was no way that anyone was going to be able to find us.

“Take them downstairs.” The woman instructed. She held the door open and gave me and Kevin identical looks of disdain as Vinny and Joey shoved us into the building.

It was dark inside. All of the window coverings had been drawn and nobody made a move to turn on any of the overhead lights. Most of the furniture had been removed, aside from two identical desks and a couple of office chairs. The result was a hollow, echoing space that was enough to triple my heart rate. Our footsteps sounded overly loud as Joey and Vinny directed me and Kevin down a narrow hallway.

The exit sign above the door at the end of the hallway was glowing ominously in the darkness, indicating that the building still had electricity. We reached the door and Vinny pushed it open, revealing a staircase lit only by the soft glow of emergency lighting. We began our decent in silence, and I could hear my own laboured breathing as Joey pushed and pulled me down the steps.

I desperately wanted to scream, to cry out for help, to elbow Joey in the stomach, to run for my life. So, what did I do? I did nothing. I stayed limp and silent and allowed myself to be led further into the depths of the building. I was a coward.

The basement was much the same as the ground floor; sparsely furnished, poorly lit, and hallow. The large space had been divided up into a series of smaller rooms that looked as though they had, at one point, been used strictly for storage. There were no windows and the cheap, florescent lighting flickered and hummed as Vinny turned on the switch. Needless to say, the overhead lighting did little to combat the shadowy dimness.

The four of us crossed the scuffed cement floor at a rapid pace and I found myself struggling to keep up. As usual, I was the shortest of the group and I had to take two steps for every one of Joey’s. I could tell that Joey was becoming agitated with my inability to match his pace as his grip on my arm intensified.

“Where are we going?” Kevin spoke for the first time since the two of us had been forced into the car. “What is it that you want?”

I looked up at Kevin. While his voice sounded relatively calm and steady, his eyes betrayed him. He was scared, probably the most scared that I had ever seen him. I tried to catch his attention, tried to send him a look of support, but he purposefully avoided my gaze. It was then that I knew that he was blaming himself.

“We’re here.” Joey announced. He jerked me to a stop and pushed open a heavy door.

Light flooded into the hallway, disrupting the dimness and causing me to turn my head in order to shield my face. After the darkness of the stairwell and the hallway, the bright light was an assault to my senses. My eyes were still struggling to adjust to the change in illumination as Joey released my arm and shoved me towards the open door.

Once again, I stumbled forward as the toe of my shoe dragged across the floor. I banged into Kevin as the two of us pitched into the room, and we struggled to hold one another up as Joey and Vinny chuckled sadistically in the background.

“Make yourselves comfortable.” Joey quipped, pulling the heavy door closed behind him.

Kevin’s eyes finally met mine as the door slammed shut and the lock clunked into position. The two of us exchanged a petrified glance, before Kevin shifted his gaze and began to look around the room.

The large room was empty, aside from the two of us and a flat screen television that was mounted high on the wall in the far corner. With the exception of the door, everything was cement; the walls, the floor, the ceiling. It was like we were in a tomb; a well-lit, empty, cement tomb.

“They’re filming us.” Kevin jerked his head in the direction of the far wall.

My stomach was officially doing summersaults as I took a few cautious steps towards the wall that housed the television. A closer inspection revealed that there were a series of tiny cameras mounted in specific intervals along the base of the ceiling.

I licked my lips in an effort to clear the dryness from my mouth. “How high do you think the ceilings are?”

Kevin sighed. “Maybe twelve feet.” He slid down the wall so that he was sitting on the floor and stretched his long legs out in front of him. “Too high for us to be able to reach the cameras.”

Although it was obvious that Kevin was correct, that wasn’t the answer that I had been hoping for. I cautiously lowered myself to the ground and positioned myself on the floor next to Kevin. The binding around my wrists was becoming increasingly painful, and I winced as I struggled to find a comfortable position on the hard ground.

“Did you recognize the woman?” Kevin asked the question without looking at me. He was staring straight ahead, his gaze locked on the door.

“No.” I shook my head in defeat. I had been racking my brain to try and place the tiny blonde since before we had been herded into the car, but I hadn’t been able to come up with anything.

“Me either.” Kevin admitted. “I can’t believe that I didn’t figure out that Joey was corrupt. He practically tried to kill AJ this morning and I just brushed the whole thing off. What’s wrong with me, Howie? How could I have overlooked something so obvious? How could I have fallen for that woman’s ruse in the hardware store? She asked me about screwdrivers! Do you believe that, screwdrivers?! The paper that we found in the diner bloody well told us that the culprit was a woman and I ignored the whole damn thing!”

Kevin’s voice was wavering as he berated himself and I shuffled closer to him, ignoring the pain in my wrists as I slid along the cold floor. I gently knocked my shoulder against his, forcing him to look at me.

“This isn’t your fault, Kev. I’m just as much to blame as you are. We both read the note in the diner, and we both allowed ourselves to be taken in by the ruse. I was so happy to see Joey in the hardware store that I didn’t even realize that he was holding a gun at me until it was too late.”

“I just don’t understand.” Kevin held tight to my gaze. “What have we done to deserve this?”

This time it was me who looked away first. I settled my eyes on the dark television screen in the corner, forcing myself not to look directly into any of the cameras.

“Nothing.” I deadpanned. “We haven’t done anything to deserve this.”

** AJ **

“We need to join the forum.”

“You want to do what now?” Brian pulled his head away from the back of the couch and looked at me as if I had just announced that we all needed to strip naked and run around the room. “We’re not supposed to access the Internet.”

“We’re not supposed to use social media.” I corrected. “We’re allowed to browse the Internet as long as we don’t post anything from any of our official accounts.”

Brian screwed up his face. “We’re already in enough danger as it is.”

“Exactly.” I tugged the laptop across the coffee table and rubbed my finger against the mouse pad. The screen sprung to life and I quickly clicked on the Google Chrome icon. “Don’t you want to see what’s being said on the forums?”

“No.” Brian empathetically shook his head. “Right now, all I want is for Kevin and Howie to walk through the door.”

I removed my hand from the keyboard and raised my eyes to Brian. “What kinda stuff did they ask you?”

Brian checked over his shoulder to make sure that Detective Eaton and Detective Bell were still tucked away in the living room with Nick at the far end of the house. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “We should wait until they’re gone to talk about this.”

“Did they ask you to make a list?” I matched Brian’s hushed tone. “It was fucking embarrassing ...”

“Okay, boys!”

I cut myself off mid sentence and flinched visibly as Detective Eaton strolled into the family room. Nick was trailing along behind the older man looking sufficiently terrified and mortified all at the same time. I tried to catch Nick’s eye, but he didn’t give me the opportunity as he slumped into the room and threw himself down next to me on the couch.

“We’ll be in touch with you every few hours.” Detective Eaton carried on without hesitation. “Tony and Joey will continue to monitor the house from across the street, and we’ve contracted additional unmarked security personnel to patrol the neighbourhood at night. I don’t think you need me to tell you again that you are no longer allowed to leave the premises.”

“What about Kevin and Howie?” I demanded. “Do you have additional people out looking for them?”

If he was at all offended by my angry tone, Detective Eaton didn’t show it. “We’re doing everything that we can to try and find your friends. The information that the three of you have just provided will likely be very helpful.”

Nick let out a distorted grunting sound that caused everyone in the room to momentarily turn in his direction. His face was flushed, and I knew just by looking at him that the detectives had asked him to make a list.

“Call us if you need anything, or if you think of anything else that you feel may be helpful.” Detective Eaton recovered swiftly from the distraction. “We’ll see ourselves out.”

I waited until I heard the lock on the front door click into place before I resumed the discussion that Brian and I had been having. “Did they ask you guys to make a list?”

Nick groaned again and dragged both of his hands down his face. “I couldn’t even remember half of their names – I had been so high – I don’t remember what I did with the majority of them – Most were in club bathrooms – I think there must be more than I listed!”

I gave Nick a sympathetic look as I struggled to make sense of his disjointed ramblings. Truth be told, the lists that Nick and I had submitted were likely eerily similar. Mine had been in the double digits, and I was pretty sure that there were many more names that I would never even be able to begin to remember. The whole thing had been grossly embarrassing, and I had easily picked up on the detectives’ silent judgement as I had scrawled name after name on the paper.

“I couldn’t remember all of their names either.” I admitted, patting Nick roughly on the leg. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay!” Nick dropped his hands from his face. He looked like he was, once again, on the verge of tears. “What kind of a horrible person doesn’t remember the names of the people he’s slept with? My list was in the double digits, and I’m not talking about the teens!”

“You weren’t in a good place for a long time.” Brian gently added his input. “You can’t beat yourself up about the things that you did in the past.”

“That’s easy for you to say.” Nick gave Brian a look that was borderline spiteful. “I’m sure your list could easily fit on a post-it note.”

I cringed at the wounded expression that crossed Brian’s face. He blinked hard and I noticed that his eyes were wet. “I’ve made my own mistakes.”

I ran my hand through my hair and leaned forward with my elbows on my knees. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. The police weren’t supposed to have come in here and drudged up the past, Kevin and Howie weren’t supposed to be missing, and the three of us definitely weren’t supposed to be sitting here and having this conversation.

“How many?” Nick demanded. He sounded angry, but I was pretty sure that his tone wasn’t intentional. The guy was clearly upset. “Leighanne, the chick before her – whatever her name was – and who else?”

“A few.” Brian whispered. “There are a couple more, not including the ones that – the ones that just, you know, did me favours.”

I closed my eyes and racked my brain for something to say. I was positive that Brian’s number wasn’t huge. In fact, his list was probably average. Still, Brian was clearly struggling with the admission, and I wasn’t about to discount his feelings simply because my list and Nick’s list were much longer.

“Favours?” Nick’s tone had switched from anger to astonishment. “How many women have done you favours? Are we talking recently?”

“Nick!” I shot my arm out and knocked the blonde roughly in the chest, opening my eyes in the process. “We don’t need to know that.”

In actuality, I was dying to know the answer to Nick’s questions, but one look at Brian told me that I had done the right thing. Brian was staring down at his feet, and his cheeks were wet and flushed. Although I felt badly that Brian was upset, I found the revelation that he had a past that he wasn’t entirely proud of to be strangely comforting. At that moment, the similarities between the three of us were disturbingly apparent.

“Could you guys name any of the women that Kevin or Howie have been with?” Nick quickly diverted the conversation. I could see him also taking in Brian’s tortured face out of the corner of his eye. “I could only think of a couple for each of them.”

“I remembered a few from the early days.” Brian wiped discreetly at his cheeks. “I don’t think that either one of them has been with anyone, aside from their wives, since they got married.”

“I don’t think so either.” I added. “The detectives were asking me about the cruise, but we meet so many women on the boat that it’s hard to say what happens. After I go to bed, I have no fucking clue what the rest of you get up to.”

“We should know this information.” Nick’s face and voice hardened in unison. “Since when did we all start keeping secrets?”

I snorted so hard that the motion hurt my nose. “We’ve always kept secrets from each other, Nick. If you didn’t realize that before now, you’ve been doing a damn good job of fooling yourself.”

Nick frowned at the harshness of my words. “I don’t think I really knew that we had secrets from each other until you announced that you were going to rehab. I was a kid, remember? You all made damn sure that my purity bubble was kept firmly intact. You all made it crystal clear that I wasn’t to be included in any discussions that weren’t rated PG.”

“We didn’t do it to be mean.” Brian countered. “Like you said, you were young. We were trying to protect you.”

“A lot of good that did.” Nick shot back. “I turned out to be the one who’s the most messed up.”

“We’re all messed up, Nick.” I argued. “Every single fucking one of us has issues. That’s become pretty obvious over these last few days.”

“Do you guys really think that someone random woman from our past is behind this?” Brian rubbed at his eyes and leaned back against the couch cushions. “Did we really hurt someone so badly that they want to kill us?”

“I was a world class douche to a lot of women.” Nick admitted. “I want to say that the detectives are barking up the wrong tree, but they may actually be on the right track.”

“So, why did they take Howie and Kevin first?” I mimicked Brian’s movements and leaned back against the couch, running a hand across my tired face. “If someone really is harboring a grudge against one of us, it’s most likely against me or Nick.”

“They took Howie and Kevin first because they know that the three of us will be harder to control.” Brian delivered his theory slowly and purposefully. “The detectives said that the un-sub knows our behaviour better than we do. What better way to get the three of us to cooperate than to use Howie and Kevin as leverage? Let’s face it, without the two of them around, the three of us are more likely to act on impulse. Hell, we proved that this morning when we jumped headlong into the fight with Joey.”

“If that’s really the case then we’re in serious trouble.” I acknowledged. “We have to figure out how to make sure that we’re not so easily manipulated.”

“Let’s get on the forum.” Nick interrupted, hastily turning the laptop in his direction. “It’s bullshit for the police to think that the un-sub knows us better than we know ourselves! We should be able to pick out a crazy obsessed fan from a mile away. If the police think that the chick who took Howie and Kevin belongs to this website than we need to see if we can narrow down the choices.”

“That’s exactly what I was saying earlier!” I slid forward on the couch and bent over so that I would have a better view of the screen. “Brian tried to talk me out of it.”

“I didn’t try and talk you out of it!” Brian sounded highly defensive. “I just reminded you that we’re not supposed to be accessing the Internet.”

Nick rolled his eyes as he navigated to bsbcrazies.net. “Bri, are you in on this or not?”

“You act like I have a choice.” Brian hauled himself to his feet and moved to join me and Nick on the larger couch.

Brian sat down next to me and the three of us huddled together; our eyes locked on our own faces as Nick clicked on the link to access the forums. I was literally holding my breath as I waited for the page to load. The woman who wanted to kill us belonged to the website, I was sure of it. The only thing I wasn’t entirely sure about was whether or not the three of us would be smart enough to figure out which member was the un-sub.

“Fuck!” Nick banged his fingers against the keyboard in frustration. “We need to create an account in order to access the message boards.”

“So, let’s make an account.” I pulled the laptop away from Nick and repositioned it so that I was in control of the keyboard. “What should our username be?”

“It has to be something that a fan would think of.” Brian paused. “Something like: ‘bsb_cutie’, or some crap like that.”

“That’s lame.” Nick shook his head. “What about: ‘nicks_hott_butt’?”

“I am NOT logging in to a website with a username about your ass!” I quickly vetoed Nick’s suggestion. “How about: ‘aj_the_sex_god’?”

Brian dropped his head into his hands and let out a disgruntled moan. “Please tell me that we’re not really sitting here arguing about this.”

I laughed openly at Brian’s reaction. Of course the three of us would find time to argue about a stupid username when our lives were on the line. I was still laughing to myself as I dropped my fingers to the keyboard and quickly entered my second choice: ‘backstreet_love_parade’. I hit submit before Nick or Brian could protest and watched as the screen was redirected to a secondary registration page with a series of questions.

“You have to prove that you’re a real fan in order to join?” Nick dropped his mouth into a pout as he read the rules. “How stupid is that?”

“Who cares if it’s stupid?” Brian was beginning to sound agitated. “Let’s just answer the questions. There are only four of them. How hard can they possibly be? They’re about us for Christ’s sake!”

“Question One: Which of Nick’s twin siblings is older; Aaron or Angel?” I read the question off of the screen and turned to Nick expectantly. “Well, who’s the oldest?”

There was a long pause as Nick’s eyes darted feverishly around the room. It was as if he was hoping that the answer would somehow materialize in front of him. “Angel?” He finally guessed. “They were born like two minutes apart.”

“Are you sure?” I berated. “I’m pretty sure that we won’t be allowed to continue if we get it wrong.”

“I’m sure.” Nick insisted. His voice was hard, but his eyes gave away his uncertainly. I could practically see the smoke billowing out of his ears as he racked his brain in an attempt to determine whether or not his guess was correct.

Against my better judgement, I entered Angel’s name into the box. I didn’t let out my breath until the second question popped up on the screen.

“See!” Nick cried out in triumph. “I told you that Angel was older!”

“Great.” I rolled my eyes as I launched into the second question. “Question Two: What high school did Brian attend?”

“Tates Creek” Brian supplied the answer without missing a beat. “Next question.”

“Question Three: What is the title of the book that AJ’s mother penned about his rise to fame?”

I groaned inwardly as I read the question aloud and simultaneously entered ‘Backstreet Mom’ into the answer field. I absolutely loathed that book.

I breathed another sigh of relief as the final question loaded. “Question Four: What is the name of the management company that Howie co-founded with CJ Huyer?”

I could feel my eyes widening as I continued to stare at the screen. I had absolutely no idea what the name of Howie’s company was. Judging by the silence that was enveloping me from both sides, it was pretty obvious that neither Nick nor Brian knew the answer to the question either.

“How the fuck do people know this stuff?” Nick muttered. “Do our fans really know us this well?”

“Let’s just Google it.” Brian suggested. “But, we have to promise that we will never tell Howie that we didn’t know the answer on our own.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me.” I agreed, clicking on the option to open another tab.

I felt more than a little guilty as I waited for the additional tab to open. It wasn’t as if Howie had just founded the company a few days ago. Hell, Neverest had even been our opening act for the Canadian leg of the NKOTBSB tour. The fact that none of us knew the name of his company was beyond pathetic. What had we become?

“Shit!”

I snapped out of my trance as traces of Nick’s spittle connected with my cheek. I refocused my eyes on the screen and swallowed hard. A message window had appeared informing us that we were not allowed to open another tab or to navigate away from the site. Apparently, if we chose to do either one of those things then our access to the forums would be permanently denied.

“I guess we weren’t the only people who thought to use Google.” I sighed. “Now what?”

“We can figure this out.” Brian encouraged. “CJ was in that band … what was the name?”

“3 something.” Nick shrugged. “3 guys, 3 men, 3 – 3 dudes?”

“3 Deep!” I shouted, slapping my hands against my knees. “God, those guys were shit!”

Brian let out an undignified snort as he struggled to hold in his laughter. “The name of the company is definitely a combination of 3 Deep and Backstreet. I remember that much at least.”

“Back-3, Street-3, Back-Deep, Street-Deep, 3-Street, 3-Back …” Nick began rhyming off the potential combinations on his fingers.

“3 Street Management!” Brian interrupted; his eyes lighting up in recognition. “That sounds familiar!”

Brian’s excitement was encouraging. I looked to Nick for confirmation. “Do we want to go with ‘3 Street’?”

Nick nodded. “It sounds like the most logical choice.”

I quickly keyed in the answer before Brian had a chance to second-guess his memory. Almost immediately, the page redirected to a screen welcoming 'backstreet_love_parade' to the forums of bsbcrazies.net.

The smiles on Brian’s and Nick’s faces were infectious as I looked back and forth between them. “We’re in, boys!” I announced. “We’re in.”

** KEVIN **

I adjusted my position for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past five minutes. The cement floor was not exactly comfortable and I was beginning to lose all sense of feeling in the lower half of my body. To make matters worse, the cable ties were really starting to irritate my wrists. Every once and a while, I could feel a trickle of blood escape from my ravaged skin and begin its slow decent towards the tips of my fingers.

“I can’t feel my ass.” Howie announced. “You think that they would at least have the decency to throw us a cushion or two.”

I laughed in spite of myself. “This isn’t the Ritz.”

“The cushions don’t have to be fancy.” Howie played along. “They just have to be soft.”

My laughter continued as I dragged my eyes around the empty room. I wasn’t positive, but my gut instinct was telling me that I was going to die. There was no way out of the windowless box that Howie and I had been occupying for the past hour. We didn’t have a hope in Hell of being able to escape unless someone managed to find us. I figured that the chances of us being found were slim to none, so I forced the laugher from my lips for the simple reason that I didn’t want to die feeling miserable and afraid. If I was going to go, I wanted to go with a smile on my face.

“We’re so fucked!” Howie also began to chuckle softly to himself. “It should be Brian and Nick sitting here, not the two of us. We’re supposed to be the old, smart ones.”

“They’re never going to let us live this down.” I cocked my head in Howie’s direction. “You know that, right?”

Howie’s smile intensified. “The two of them will start every story with the same line for the rest of their lives: ‘remember that time when Kevin and Howie were kidnapped …’

I opened my mouth to add my two cents to the scenario, but stopped when I heard a rustling sound on the other side of the door. All traces of my smile vanished, and Howie’s face went sickeningly pale. Our eyes locked in paralyzing fear as the scuffling sounds intensified; so much for dying in a good mood.

A few seconds later a thin and painfully sharp looking knife slid underneath the small space between the floor and the bottom of the door. I stopped the knife’s movements with my shoe and once again turned my eyes to Howie. This time, his expression was one of confusion and surprise. Had these people really just supplied us with a weapon?

“Use the knife to cut the cable ties.” The television in the corner sprang to life and the blonde woman’s face filled the screen. “When you’re finished, slide the knife back under the door.”

Neither Howie nor I moved to retrieve the knife. We were both fixated on the TV. The blonde woman was staring directly into the camera with an expectant look on her face. It was unnerving to say the least.

“Can she hear us?” Howie dropped his voice to an urgent whisper. “She must be able to see us.”

“I can see AND hear you, Howie.” The woman’s face dragged upwards into a sickening smile. “Now, do as I say and cut your cables.”

There was something about the woman’s tone of voice that told me that it was probably in our best interests to follow her instructions. I used my foot to pull the knife along the floor before shuffling around on the cement and grasping the handle between my bloody fingers.

“Turn around.” I motioned for Howie to position his back against mine. “I’ll cut yours and then you can cut mine.”

Howie nodded, but I could see the fear flash in his eyes. I would be attempting the cut behind my back with my hands tied together. It was a risky move, but it was really our only option. There was no way that Howie or I would be able to cut our own ties.

“Ready?” I asked, my neck craning painfully over my shoulder.

I could see that the knife was in the proper position, but I had no idea how much wiggle room I had between the blade and Howie’s skin.

“Ready.” Howie announced with a distinct lack of certainty.

I took a deep breath and held it as I jerked the knife upwards. The blade sliced easily through the plastic and Howie scooted away from me as soon as his cable ties hit the ground. I slowly let out my breath and dropped the knife to the floor, thankful that Howie still had all of his fingers.

I could hear Howie scrambling to retrieve the knife, and a few seconds later the ties fell from my wrists. The sense of relief was immediate, and I quickly raised my hands to my face to inspect the damage. Like I had feared, there were tender looking cuts from where the plastic had dug into my skin and my hands were caked in dried blood. I instinctively began to massage my wrists; wincing as my fingers connected with the raw skin.

“Slide the knife under the door.” The woman’s impatient voice invaded the small space.

Howie hurried to comply with her request. He shot the knife back under the door, the blade scraping menacingly against the cement floor. The scraping noises stopped once the knife vanished from sight; a clear indication that someone was standing immediately on the other side of the door.

“Good boy.” The woman smiled again, revealing two rows of perfectly straight, white teeth. “It’s good to know that you can follow instructions.”

Howie sat back against the wall and began gently massaging his own bloodied wrists. “What do you want?”

“I want you.” The woman laughed softly. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

I wanted nothing more than to exchange a quick look with Howie, but I figured that any kind of movement might send the woman into a tailspin. So, I kept my eyes firmly locked on the television as I responded. “What do you mean? Which one of us do you want? Howie?”

The woman laughed again, louder this time. “I mean the collective you. I want all of you.”

“You want all of us?” I repeated, stalling for time.

I had no idea what I was supposed to say to our clearly unstable captor. All I knew for sure was that I needed her to keep talking. I needed her to give us as much information as possible.

“I can’t believe that this is happening!” The woman seemed positively giddy with excitement. “I can’t believe that I’m actually having a conversation with you guys. Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited for this moment?”

That was it, I couldn’t hold back anymore. I exchanged a perplexed look with Howie. This lady was clearly a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

“What’s your name?” Howie struggled to make his voice sound as normal as possible. “You know our names, but you never told us yours.”

“Sarah.” The woman supplied, but her eyes darkened. “I’ve told you my name before. Do you really not remember me?”

“Of course we do!” I interjected when I saw that Howie was beginning to sweat. “Howie’s just really bad when it comes to names. Right, D?”

“Right.” Howie nodded vigorously. “That’s why I give everyone a nickname.”

Sarah continued to stare directly into the camera that was feeding into the television. Even though she wasn’t in the room, her unrelenting gaze was making me uncomfortable. It seemed as though she was going to shoot out of the TV and strangle us at any minute.

“Where do you remember me from?”

The blood rushed from my face as soon as the words left her mouth. I should have known that she would ask a follow-up question. My brain scrambled to come up with an acceptable answer as I struggled to keep the smile on my face.

“You’re a fan.” Howie jumped in with a generic response. “Probably one of our biggest.”

“You were at the latest show in …” I paused, trying desperately to think of where we had stopped during the first leg of the tour that was close to Tennessee. “… North Carolina.”

“Which show?” Sarah prodded, her eyes softening ever-so-slightly.

Shit! Now, I was starting to sweat. I could feel Howie’s stare drilling into the side of my face as my artificial smile began to wobble. “Both.” I decided to go for broke. “You were at both of the North Carolina shows; Raleigh and Charlotte.”

Sarah beamed her approval. “What was I wearing at the Charlotte show?”

Was this girl serious? Did she have any idea how many women we saw on a daily basis? Did she have even the slightest concept of how many people we met at every show?

“White.” Howie offered. He checked to make sure that Sarah was still smiling before he continued. “I think that you were wearing a white dress.”

I was so happy with Howie that I could have kissed him. Of course the nut-job had been wearing white. She had probably bought a platinum VIP package, and we had told everyone who was going to come on stage with us to wear a white outfit.

“You do remember me!” Sarah squealed. “I knew that the two of you wouldn’t forget!”

“We never forget a fan.” I lied, eliminating the wobble from my smile. “You guys are too important to us.”

“Nick will have forgotten about me.” Sarah’s expression immediately became one of anger and contempt. “Nick likes to pretend that he doesn’t know who I am. He thinks that it’s funny to ignore me and to make me look like a fool.”

I shook my head in a way that I hoped looked sympathetic and natural. “Nick meets so many people that he sometimes has trouble keeping everybody straight. He would never intentionally forget about you.”

“Don’t try to protect him!” Sarah exploded. “This is why I’m doing this! It’s time for Nick to see how it feels when everyone turns against him!”

I tensed, pulling myself up straighter and tighter against the wall. Sarah’s face was turning red and she was visibly shaking. Her eyes were flashing with pent up rage as she continued to stare into the camera, unblinking. Howie stiffened beside me, his breath catching in his throat.

This woman had a grudge against Nick, and she was clearly using the rest of us as pawns. As far as she was concerned, we were nothing more than disposable playing pieces that she needed to manipulate in order to settle her vendetta. We were the bait and Nick was her prized catch.

“You killed Dan!” Howie blurted out. “You killed him because you mistook him for Nick. You killed an innocent man and you don’t even care!”

Sarah laughed, only this time it sounded hallow and sadistic as opposed to soft and melodic. “Killing Dan wasn’t a mistake. I knew all about him and his obsession with Nick. I befriended Dan at the Charlotte show, and I set up a fake meeting with him that night at the bar in Franklin. I planned Dan’s murder knowing that the police would mistake him for Nick. I had been keeping a close eye on his physical transformation, and I knew that he was in possession of Nick’s identification. Dan’s death was an integral part of my plan.”

Howie and I were both staring at Sarah, transfixed. This woman was more than just off her rocker. She was a cold blooded killer who clearly felt no remorse for her deplorable behaviour.

“I used Dan to bring the five of you together. I killed him to ensure that your names would be brought back into the media spotlight.” Sarah continued her chilling admission as Howie and I looked on in silence. “Nick has humiliated me in public too many times for me to count. I’m going to make sure that he knows how it feels to lose the things that are the most important to him. By the time I’m finished, Nick’s going to know how it feels to have his heart ripped out and stomped on in front of the entire world. In the end, he’s going to experience the worst pain of his life.”

** NICK **

I rubbed at my eyes as the forum list populated on the screen. There were so many threads to choose from, and I could feel a headache coming on as I struggled to read all of the titles as fast as possible. A counter in the top right corner of the screen indicated that bsbcrazies.net had over five thousand members. It was going to be next to impossible to find Dan’s profile.

“We need to do a profile search.” Brian took the words out of my mouth as he jabbed at the profiles tab. “Let’s see if we can narrow it down by gender. I’m willing to bet that there aren’t too many guys.”

AJ nodded in approval and clicked on the profiles tab. Sure enough, a search window appeared that would allow us to narrow down the choices by gender. It took a few seconds for the page to re-load and, when it did, we were faced with a list of only seventy-two usernames.

“Try searching for ‘Dan’.” I suggested. “I highly doubt that he’s going to have a cutesy username involving flowers and butterflies.”

“Flowers and butterflies?” AJ gave me a rather disparaging look. “Every single one of our female fans would kick you in the balls for that comment.”

“You know what I mean.” I muttered, watching as AJ’s fingers flew across the keyboard. “Guys aren’t very creative. That’s all that I was trying to say.”

AJ shook his head. “And you wonder why people think you’re slow.”

“We’ve got four usernames involving the word ‘Dan’.” Brian announced. He gave me and AJ a warning look before returning his eyes to the screen. “How much do you wanna bet that the guy we’re looking for is: ‘dan_n_nick_r1’?”

AJ clicked on the profile link and, almost immediately, I found myself staring at an image of a man who looked disturbingly like me. Apparently, finding Dan’s profile wasn’t going to be very difficult after all. I had seen Dan in person a few times and I knew that the physical resemblance was uncanny, but the picture that I was staring at now was beyond surprising; it was downright shocking. It was like looking in a mirror. No wonder everyone had mistaken him for me.

“Jesus Christ …” AJ clicked on a thread that Dan had started entitled ‘My Transformation’. He visibly recoiled as the page appeared on the screen.

I couldn’t bring myself to speak as I looked at the before and after picture that Dan had posted. Even before all of his surgeries, Dan had looked like a cross between me and Aaron. I could easily imagine people coming up to him and telling him that he looked just like me. The after picture was the image that churned my stomach. Dan had altered his nose, his eyebrows, his jaw line, and his teeth. He had replicated my tattoos, my haircut, and my facial hair. He had mimicked my style of clothing, and he had obviously put in more than a few hours at the gym in order to duplicate my physical physique. The poor guy must have shelled out tens of thousands of dollars on plastic surgery. But why had he done it? Had he thought that looking like me would somehow make his life better?

“This is fucking creepy.” Brian breathed. “He’s you, Nick.”

I shuddered at Brian’s choice of words. This man wasn’t me, but he had wanted to be me. He had wanted to be me so badly that he had ended up getting himself killed in the process. I forced myself to look away from the unsettling pictures and began to run my eyes down the list of people who had commented. The sick feeling in my stomach was intensifying. Literally hundreds of users had left comments. It seemed as though Dan had acquired quite a following. The thread had a total of six hundred pages that contained God knows how many separate discussions. There was no way that we were going to be able to narrow down a list of potential suspects.

“This is – this is – this isn’t going to work.” AJ stammered. “Look at how many people have left comments. There’s no way that we’re going to be able to figure this out! What were we thinking? We’re not the police! We can’t do this!”

As much as I agreed with AJ, I just couldn’t bring myself to voice my doubts out loud. I felt as though we had no choice. In my mind, if we gave up, Howie and Kevin were as good as dead.

“Maybe someone will stand out if we read through some of the comments.” Brian suggested. “We can start by seeing who has commented the most.”

“There are six hundred pages of comments!” AJ shouted. He stood up from the couch and roughly shoved the coffee table out of the way. The tears were already visible in his eyes as he began to angrily pace back and forth across the family room. “We’re fooling ourselves and both of you know that!”

I caught Brian’s eye across the empty space that AJ had created by standing up. I could tell just by looking at him that he knew that our efforts were fruitless. No matter how hard we tried, we were never going to be able to find the un-sub by looking at online profiles.

The despair began to set in as I watched Brian’s optimism vanish and AJ’s anger escalate. I felt like crying again. The tears were already prickling my eyes, but I blinked them away. I couldn’t keep falling into Brian’s arms and sobbing like a child. I had to save Howie and Kevin.

“Well, what are we supposed to do?” I demanded. “We can’t just sit here and wait for the news that Kevin and Howie are dead! We have to help them!”

“I fucking know that, Nick!” AJ roared. He stopped pacing and turned to face me. “I know that the police are doing jack shit at the moment! I know that we can’t just sit around and wait for them to solve the problem for us. I also know that the three of us don’t know what the fuck we’re doing! We aren’t behaviour analysts, we don’t have top of the line computers or surveillance equipment, and we don’t have any weapons. All the three of us have is a shitty laptop and a pair of thick-headed security guards watching us from across the street!”

I jumped up from my place on the couch and joined AJ in the middle of the family room. The tears were already streaming down my face, but I had the benefit of being taller and I used my height to my advantage as I screamed back at him. “We have each other! I’m tired of hearing you say that we can’t do anything. We have to do something, AJ!”

“You were just crying to Brian that you didn’t want to fight.” AJ countered. The tears were leaking out of his eyes as he took a step forward and stared defiantly up into my face. “How come it’s okay for you to say that you want to give up, but it’s not okay for me to say that I’m scared? Why is everything always acceptable when it comes out of your mouth? Why is everyone always so willing to jump in and give you a hug when they’re not willing to do the same thing for me?”

“This isn’t about you or me!” I screamed. “This is about Howie and Kevin!”

“It’s always about you, Nick!” AJ was shouting again, the tears running faster down his face. “This whole thing started off being about you. We thought that you were dead, remember? We all came together because of you. We’re in this mess because of you!”

I stumbled backwards at AJ’s words. I wished that he had punched me in the face; it would have caused me far less pain. I knew that I was to blame, but hearing AJ say the words made it real. I was the reason that we were being hunted. I was responsible for everyone else’s suffering.

“I know that!” I was yelling at the top of my lungs, my body shaking with the effort of trying to scream and cry at the same time. “I know that I’m to blame! I fucked up just like I always do!”

AJ was staring at me like a deer caught in headlights. He was breathing heavily and the tears were dripping off of his chin and leaving wet trails down the front of his t-shirt. His face contorted in regret and a fresh wave of tears began to slide down his cheeks. “Shit. I didn’t mean that ...”

“Don’t – don’t come near me.” I put my hands out in front of me and took another step backwards as AJ moved forward. “I know how you feel. I know that you wish that I hadn’t come back. As far as you’re concerned, everyone would be better off if I was dead. You and Brian would have each other. Both of you would have been just fine.”

AJ continued to move forward. He curled his fingers around my wrist and tried to pull me towards him. “Nick, I’m just upset ...”

“Get off!”

I shoved AJ backwards with so much force that he hit the ground before he even had time to react. A wave of remorse washed over me as I watched AJ fall to the floor, but it was quickly replaced by a blanket of self-pity. The whole situation was entirely my fault and everyone hated me because of it.

AJ recovered quickly. He was back on his feet in record speed, lunging at me with his arms outstretched; his face a mixture of anger and intense betrayal. Thankfully, Brian was on him before I even had a chance to take another step backwards.

Brian’s arms locked around AJ’s waist and the two of them fell to the floor. I watched in horror as the two of them wrestled on the ground. My heart was in my throat. I couldn’t do anything more than watch the mess that I had created.

The last time that any of us had gotten into a physical fight was back in 2006. Strangely enough, Brian had been involved in that altercation as well. I had been flying high on some drug, and I had taken a swing at him after a show for a reason that I now couldn’t even remember. He had easily overpowered me that night; sending me careening into a wall in the dressing room before Howie had come running to my rescue.

Unfortunately for Brian, he wasn’t going to win this fight. AJ slammed Brian against the hardwood floor before sitting on his stomach and pinning his arms at his sides. I watched as the two of them stared at each other, both of them panting from the exertion of trying to control the other.

“Hit me, if you want.” Brian challenged. “Is that what we’re doing now? Fighting each other? Don’t you think that we’ve hurt each other enough?”

AJ released his grip on Brian’s arms and slid off of his torso. He sat down roughly on the floor and continued to stare at Brian in surprise. “I don’t want to hit you. Do you really think that I would be capable of doing something like that?”

I took a few tentative steps forward and sank down onto the floor next to AJ. Brian was still lying on his back and he made no move to right himself as I snaked one of my arms around AJ’s shoulders. “Nobody actually thought that you were going to hit him.”

AJ pulled his eyes away from Brian and centred his gaze on my face. “I didn’t mean what I said Nick; about this all being your fault. You know how I get when I feel like I’m losing control. I just went through this whole situation with you and now I’m going through it all over again with Howie and Kevin. We don’t know where they are or if they’re okay. I hate the feeling of not knowing. I hate being helpless.”

“It’s okay.” I squeezed AJ’s shoulder in reassurance. It felt strange to be the one offering comfort as opposed to the one receiving it.

“How is it okay?” AJ whispered. “I was hurling insults at you and hurling punches at Brian. That’s not okay.”

“This is hard for all of us.” I struggled to find the words that I wanted to use. I had never been very good at articulating myself properly. “Like Brian told me earlier, we have to do this together. If one of us gives up, we’re all as good as dead. We can’t keep letting our emotions rule our behaviour.”

AJ wiped the remaining tears from his face and offered me a sarcastic smile. “Since when did you become Kevin?”

“Oh, God!” Brian groaned as he pulled himself into a sitting position. “We don’t need another Kevin!”

I pulled my arm away from AJ’s shoulder and laughed softly at Brian’s comment. The three of us seemed to be spending an inordinate amount of time sitting on the ground and crying. This was definitely not the way that we should be spending our time if we were really going to get serious about trying to help Howie and Kevin.

I manoeuvred myself so that I was able to reach the coffee table that AJ had shoved into the middle of the room and retrieved the laptop. I placed it on the floor in the centre of the three of us and stared at the screen. I still felt that the clue to the un-sub’s identity was somewhere in the forums of bsbcrazies.net.

The page refreshed to the home screen, and I could feel my heart rate increase as I noticed the intense amount of activity that was now taking place on the site. According to the counter, there were currently two thousand users logged in and new threads were popping up at rapid speed.

“Guys ...” I motioned for AJ and Brian to lean in as I clinked on the link to bring up the most recent posts. “...something big is going on.”

I selected the newest forum thread and held my breath as the screen loaded. The title of the thread was ominously entitled: ‘Creepy Video’. I let out my breath in a slow stream as I read the original post: ‘OMG! Have you guys seen this?? It’s all you can access when you go to the boys’ official site! Do you think it’s real or some kind of a hoax?? There’s been no news about the guys for DAYS now! So worried!!’

“Click on the link!” AJ was practically sitting on top of me to get a better view of the screen. Our recent fight was already nothing more than a distant memory. That was the good thing about arguing with AJ; he was quick to forgive and forget.

“What the ...” I couldn’t even bring myself to continue speaking as I stared at the screen.

The link had brought us to our official website. The opening screen had been replaced with what appeared to be a live video-feed. Howie and Kevin were in the video; sitting on the ground in an empty room. The two of them looked ragged and neither one of them was speaking. They were both just staring off into space, looking helpless.

“No.” AJ, for all intents and purposes, was now officially in my lap. His facial hair was tickling my cheek as we both leaned in to look at the screen. “No, no, no, no, no!”

“I can’t navigate away from the video.” I banged needlessly at the keyboard to emphasise my point. “It’s taken over the entire site.”

“I’m gonna be sick!” Brian made the announcement as he hauled himself to his feet. He used my shoulder as leverage as he pushed past me and AJ, and his feet thudded on the tiles as he took off down the hallway.

AJ and I locked eyes as the bathroom door slammed shut. We stared at each other in silence for several seconds before returning our eyes to the video. Kevin and Howie were talking to each other now. There was no sound, and I could feel the frustration setting in. Why didn’t I have a useful talent, like lip reading?

I could tell by their faces that they were afraid, and the video was clear enough for me to make out the fact that they both had blood around their wrists. My stomach churned and, for a brief moment, I considered joining Brian in the bathroom. Where were Howie and Kevin? Who had taken them? And why was their plight being broadcasted to the world?

** BRIAN **

I vomited until there was nothing left. My shaking fingers fumbled to flush the toilet and I lay down on the bathroom floor as the water whirled down the drain. The tiles felt cool under my cheek and I drew my legs up to my chest, pressing my eyes shut. I still felt nauseous; sick and numb over the image that I had seen of Howie and Kevin.

I opened my eyes and examined the tiles. They were large and black with flecks of grey, probably chosen for the simple fact that they could easily hide the dirt. I continued to hug my legs to my chest as I surveyed the bathroom, my knees digging in to the place where my scar distorted my skin. I wanted to cry, but I knew that it wouldn’t help. AJ and Nick had already broken down. If I fell apart there would be no hope for the three of us.

Nick’s voice was so loud that I had no choice but to sit straight up. The only words that I could make out were curse word, the rest were unintelligible. I pressed my palms against the tiles and pushed myself to my feet. My heart was hammering in my chest, testing the strength of the scar that my knees had been hugging no less than fifteen seconds before. I caught sight of my own face in the mirror as I hurried towards the door; pale, tired, and terrified.

“Where’s Brian?”

I froze with my hand on the doorknob. There was so much noise coming from the front of the house that I was having trouble identifying the voice, but I was pretty sure that it belonged to either Joey or Tony. I strained to make out more of the conversation admits the other noises. It sounded like there was some kind of a scuffle going on in the family room.

“He’s not here!”

I hastily pressed the lock on the bathroom door into place at the sound of AJ’s voice. He sounded panicked and angry all at the same time, and he had clearly raised his voice for my benefit.

“Bullshit! I left the three of you here together!” Tony’s heated claim drifted through the door.

I took a step backwards, my lower back connecting with the edge of the granite countertop that extended over the vanity. Something was definitely wrong, and I had a sickening suspicion that Joey and Tony were to blame.

“He’s not here!” AJ repeated his earlier statement, louder and with more purpose. “You can look wherever you want. Brian’s not here!”

Dammit! I looked frantically around the bathroom. Foolishly, my first thought was to hide behind the shower curtain. I was almost in the bathtub when I noticed the small window overtop of the toilet. I could still hear a series of thumps and bangs emitting from the family room. Nick was still swearing like a trucker and AJ was still screaming that he didn’t know where I was. All of that meant that I probably still had time to escape.

I yanked the window open and punched the screen out onto the grass below. Using the toilet for leverage, I pulled myself up and began to wiggle myself out of the small opening. It was a good thing that I was the one who had decided to be sick. Nick never would have managed to squeeze his taller, wider frame through the tight space. Even I was having difficulty; sucking my stomach in as far as it would go and holding my breath as I forced my body through the window frame.

I was gasping for air by the time I managed to force my torso into the warmth of the afternoon sun. The lower half of my body, however, slipped easily through the opening and I landed in an ungraceful heap on the lawn. Thank God the police had placed us in a bungalow. I probably wouldn’t have been able to recover from a two-storey fall. As it was, I scrambled to regain my balance, shooting my hand out to steady myself against the side of the house as I got to my feet.

“He’s in the bathroom!” Joey’s angry voice carried through the bathroom door and out the open window. “I’m gonna kill that little, southern son-of-a-bitch!”

The adrenalin was coursing through my veins as I regained control of my body and began to run towards the front of the house. I didn’t really have much of a plan, other than making it to the street and running away really, really fast. Behind me, I could hear Joey smashing through the bathroom door and screaming about the fact that I had climbed out of the window. I dared a glance over my shoulder at exactly the wrong moment. By the time I turned around, it was too late to avoid the arm that had suddenly jutted out from around the corner of the house. I slammed into the sturdy limb at full speed; the impact sending me straight to the ground, flat on my back.

“I got him!”

I grabbed at my chest as I writhed on the grass. The pain was shooting across my body in spasms, and I groaned deeply with every stabbing blast. A monster of a man was standing above me; his pock-marked face contorted in satisfaction. Like Joey and Tony, he was Italian with rippling muscles, a thick neck, and a strict buzz-cut. The man leaned down to grab my arm and I instinctively did the only thing that I could think to do in such a desperate situation; I kicked him hard in the groin.

The man’s eyes bulged in surprise and pain. He let out a loud hissing sound and grabbed at his wounded crotch before dropping to his knees. Seizing my opportunity, I forced myself to get to my feet. My breathing was laboured as I struggled to re-establish the pace at which I had been moving before I had run headlong into the man’s monstrous arm. My chest was burning from the effort, and my mind seemed incapable of focusing on a single thought for more than five seconds at a time. I could hear the man getting to his feet behind me as I stumbled into the front yard and pointed myself in the direction of the driveway. All I wanted to do was make it to the street.

“The little bitch sacked me!”

“I fucking knew that he was still here!”

I pushed myself to move faster at the sound of Joey’s voice. I didn’t dare look over my shoulder, but I could tell that he was in the front yard. I could hear his footsteps following me as I reached the driveway and began sprinting with all of my strength towards the street. The scenery was bouncing with every step, my eyes glued to my end goal of the dark pavement just beyond the edge of the driveway.

I didn’t make it to my target. Joey slammed into me from the side. His arms wrapped around my waist, my feet lifted off of the ground, and the two of us went careening into the thick hedge that separated the property from the neighbouring lot. The thin branches scratched at the bare skin on my arms and the brambles pulled at my jeans as Joey and I tussled within the confines of the hedge.

It was a losing battle and I knew it. Joey already had his strong fingers wrapped around one of my wrists and my legs were of little use because of the overgrown foliage. I was panicking; thrashing about with my one free arm in the hopes that I would somehow manage to escape. It didn’t take long for Joey to secure my other wrist and to twist both of my arms painfully behind my back.

“That hurts!” I yelled involuntarily, well aware of the fact that my outburst was both belittling and unnecessary.

“You ain’t seen nothing’ yet.” Joey promised as he yanked me out of the hedge and positioned me on the driveway. He slapped a cable tie around my wrists and pulled tight; the plastic digging roughly into my skin. “This is what happens when you try to escape.”

“Why are you doing this?” I hoped that my voice didn’t betray the fact that I was terrified. “I thought that you were hired to protect us.”

Joey snorted in amusement as he led me roughly back up the driveway towards the house. “Things aren’t always what they seem. You, of all people, should know that.”

I struggled to decipher the hidden meaning behind Joey’s words. At the same time, I struggled to maintain my balance as the beefy man shoved me directly towards a black SUV. Thankfully, Joey had the decency to pull me back before my face connected roughly with the heavily-tinted rear passenger window. I hadn’t even noticed the vehicle when I had been running for the driveway, but I had been so preoccupied with escaping that I hadn’t really noticed much of anything.

Joey pulled open the backdoor and motioned for me to get inside. When I hesitated, he pushed me angrily into the car, forcing me to use my shoulder to steady myself against the doorframe. The man whose genitals I had all but mutilated was sitting in the driver’s seat and he looked less than impressed as our eyes locked in the rear-view mirror.

“Hey there, Brian.” The man’s face lifted into a knowing smile.

I ignored his greeting and wedged myself into the farthest corner of the third row of seats. I still couldn’t think straight as he started the engine and began to fiddle with the radio. Why had Joey and Tony turned on us? Who was this other man? Where were they taking me? What had happened to Nick and AJ? The questions were swirling around in my mind, and I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to turn off my brain. I needed to get it together if I wanted to even entertain the idea of getting myself out of this mess.

When I opened my eyes, the answer to my final question was answered. Joey and Tony were leading Nick and AJ out of the house and towards the SUV. I stared out of the windshield in shock as I watched the four of them make their way down the front walkway. Both AJ and Nick were silent, their heads bowed, and their behaviour strangely compliant. Neither one of them was acting like I would have expected them to. Neither one of them was putting up a fight, and it wasn’t until the sun glinted off of the guns that Joey and Tony were holding that I understood why.

The backdoor flew open and Joey shoved AJ forward in much the same way as he had directed me into the car. AJ stumbled and, like me, used his shoulder to steady himself. His eyes widened in relief and dismay when he caught sight of me cowering in the corner.

“Fuck!” AJ cursed. “Are you okay?”

I began to move my head in response, but Joey roughly cut into our exchange. “Get in the back with the southern bell.” He commanded, pushing AJ towards the third row of seats. “Nicky and I are going to spend some quality time together.”

“Asshole.” AJ muttered, sitting down unceremoniously beside me.

As AJ manoeuvred himself into position, I noticed that his hands were also bound behind his back with cable ties. The plastic had already pierced the skin and I could see angry red marks beginning to form beneath the thin binding. Blood was slowly trickling out of a small cut on his left wrist. I swallowed hard and forced myself to look away from AJ’s wounds. I didn’t have the strength to vomit again.

Nick’s eyes found mine as Joey forced him into the car. I wanted nothing more than to offer him a look of support and encouragement, but all I could do was return his look of panic and uncertainly. Nick had to stoop in order to fit himself into the seat without the use of his hands, and he looked positively terrified as Joey climbed into the seat next to him and slammed the door.

Tony hauled himself into the passenger seat and immediately gave instructions to the driver. “Let’s go, Vinny. We’re already running behind.”

Vinny grunted, his neck muscles popping in protest. He shifted the car into gear and began to back down the driveway. “It’s Brian’s fault. He tried to run.”

AJ blinked rapidly in my direction at Vinny’s words. It was as though he was truly looking at me for the first time since getting in the car. His eyes quickly scanned the small cuts on my arms and the leaves that still clung to my jeans. “What the fuck happened to you?”

“No talking!” Joey announced. He looked at each of us in turn and cocked his gun into position. “The next person who talks gets a bullet in their brain. Understood?”

My whole body was trembling as I nodded my understanding. AJ visibly tensed beside me and I knew that he was seriously contemplating testing fate by opening his mouth. I purposefully knocked my shoulder against his and he, thankfully, nodded his own understanding after taking in my pleading expression. Nick simply turned his face to the blacked out window. I could see the tears slipping silently down his cheeks as he stared into the nothingness.

I sat back in my seat and tried to ignore the pain in my wrists as I watched Joey play with the loaded gun in his lap. My heart was beating so hard and so irregularly that I was beginning to question whether or not it would be possible for me to drop dead before we reached our destination. The more I thought about the possibility of dying on the spot, the more appealing the thought became. I had already come to the conclusion that death would be preferable to whatever it was that we were about to endure.

** HOWIE **

“Do you think that she’s still listening to us?” Kevin looked guardedly at the darkened television as he asked the question.

“She may not be listening, but she’s definitely still watching us.” I looked beyond the television at the small cameras that lined the base of the ceiling. I knew that it was a crazy thought, but I was convinced that the cameras moved every time we did.

“This is nuts.” Kevin ran a hand down his face and rubbed roughly at the stubble that was beginning to appear along his jaw line. “What if she – Sarah – really meant all of that stuff that she was saying about Nick?”

“I’m pretty sure that she meant it.” The words left my mouth without any thought and I cringed at the disheartened look on Kevin’s face. He had obviously been expecting me to say something to put him at ease. “I just wonder what it is that she’s intending to do … exactly.”

Kevin shook his head. He stood up from the concrete floor and grimaced slightly as he forced his back into a deep stretch. “We have to get out of here.”

I rolled my eyes and stared up into Kevin’s face from my place on the floor. “How are we supposed to do that?”

“They can’t keep us locked in here forever.” Kevin continued to shake his head. “It’s inhumane!”

“I don’t think that Sarah or any of her goons are overly concerned about whether or not their actions are inhumane. They kinda blew through that line when they kidnapped us.” I pointed out the obvious.

“Ugh!” Kevin let out a disgruntled yell and, without warning, slammed himself against the door. The door shook in protest, so Kevin repeated the action; ramming his shoulder against the centre of the door in a useless attempt to get it to pop open.

“That’s not gonna work, Kev.” I pushed myself off of the floor and took a few tentative steps forward.

Kevin was breathing heavily, his eyes locked on the door. “I don’t know what else to do.”

“There’s nothing we can do.” I recognized the depressing nature of my comment as I continued to stare at Kevin’s dejected form. “We just have to wait.”

“I don’t know how much longer I can wait, Howie.” Kevin turned away from the door, his eyes downcast.

I was still searching for the best way to respond to Kevin’s comment when AJ’s voice rumbled through the silence. Kevin’s head snapped up and our eyes met as AJ’s voice became even louder. There was no mistaking the distinctive raspy tone. As happy as I was to hear his voice, the notion that he was on the other side of the door made my heart sink. It seemed as though Sarah and her henchmen had managed to catch up with the others.

“Get your fucking hands off of me you good-for-nothing pieces of shit!”

The door opened in a whoosh of cool air, and AJ stumbled headfirst into the room. His hands were bound behind his back and a stream of profanity was spilling out from his between his lips. His face was contorted in anger and his eyes were flashing with distaste. In the over twenty years that we had known each other, I had never seen AJ look so angry.

Kevin and I were so shocked at the sudden intrusion that neither one of us moved. We didn’t attempt to catch AJ as he struggled to keep himself from falling to the cement floor, nor did we attempt to rush the door and escape. No, the two of us just stood there looking like a couple of clueless idiots as Brian and Nick also stumbled through the doorway.

As soon as Brian and Nick appeared in the room, the door slammed shut with a resounding thud. My heart sank even lower as the locks clicked back into position. We had missed our opportunity. We had just blown what was likely our only chance at escape and now the five of us were all in the same position; trapped with no way out.

“What the fuck!?” AJ roared. He began twisting his arms viciously behind his back in an attempt to loosen the cable ties. “Where the fuck are we?”

“AJ, calm down.” Kevin reached out and grabbed AJ roughly by the shoulders. He shook the smaller man back and forth as he spoke. “You need to breathe.”

“Kevin?” AJ stopped shouting and looked at Kevin as if he was just noticing his presence for the first time. “Oh shit!”

I shook my head as I watched the exchange. I should have expected nothing less from AJ in this kind of a situation. As Kevin continued to hold on to AJ’s shoulders and to whisper consoling words, I flipped my eyes to Brian and Nick. Neither one of them had uttered a single word since they had been forced into the room. They had lowered themselves to the floor; side by side, their backs against the wall, their shoulders touching. Brian was staring vacantly into space and Nick had obviously been crying. I could still see the path that the tears had taken as they had crisscrossed their way down his cheeks.

“Are you guys okay?” I dropped to the floor and crossed my legs so that I was sitting in front of them and staring directly into their faces. “Are you hurt?”

Brian shook his head dumbly. “We’re not hurt.”

I focused my attention on Brian. He had a series of light scrapes along his arms and what appeared to be small leaves caught in his hair. I reached out and lightly plucked the offending foliage from his blonde strands. “Why are you covered in leaves?”

“I fell in a hedge.” Brian delivered the answer automatically and with no emotion.

“You fell in a hedge?” I repeated, trying to make sense of his answer. “How? When?”

“I climbed out the bathroom window, kicked Vinny in the balls, ran down the driveway, and Joey tackled me into the hedge.” Brian actually smiled as he delivered his rather non-descriptive version of events. “I can’t believe that I sacked that steroid-infused giant!”

I didn’t bother to conceal my own smile as I watched Brian laugh softly to himself. “He must have been super pissed.”

“The bastard deserved it!” AJ announced as Kevin helped him to sit down on the floor. “I can’t believe that we didn’t realize that Joey and Tony were corrupt.”

I sighed heavily at AJ’s comment. Kevin and I had already exhausted the topic to no end. There was no explanation as to why we hadn’t figured it out other than the obvious; we had been too naïve, too trusting, too blinded by our own concerns to realize the clues. It was pathetic to say the least.

“You know what to do!” A male voice suddenly boomed from the other side of the door. The sound was too muffled to make out who was speaking, but I had a feeling that it was Tony. He seemed to be the leader of the Guido trio.

A moment later, the same knife that Kevin and I had been given earlier came sliding underneath the door. It was Kevin’s turn to sigh as he retrieved the knife from the floor and motioned for AJ to hold still. He quickly cut the cable ties that bound AJ’s wrists and silently moved on to do the same for Brian and Nick.

My eyes settled on Nick as Kevin slid the knife back under the door. The blonde still hadn’t said anything, and he had barely moved when Kevin had cut off his bindings. He was now rubbing half-heartedly at his swollen wrists, his eyes locked on the floor.

“Nick …” I placed my hand gently on his shoulder and struggled to figure out what it was that I wanted to say. I didn’t feel as though I should ask him whether or not he was okay, because he clearly wasn’t.

“He thinks that this is his fault.” Brian spoke for his best friend, his voice low and soft. “He thinks that the un-sub is only after him. I told him that he’s full of shit.”

I exchanged a knowing look with Kevin and tightened my grip on Nick’s shoulder. Thankfully, Nick still had his eyes trained on the floor and he didn’t pick up on what Kevin and I had just made glaring obvious; he was the only one that Sarah was truly after.

“What do you guys know?” Brian dared to ask the question and I blinked in surprise. I had been expecting AJ to be the one to ask.

“Our kidnapper’s name is Sarah.” Kevin began. “Aside from the fact that she’s young, and blonde, and petite, all we know is that she went to both of our most recent shows in North Carolina and that she purchased a Platinum VIP package for Charlotte.”

Brian blinked and stared at Kevin expectantly. It was clear that he knew that his cousin was holding something back. “What else do you know? Don’t try and protect us, Kev.”

“She has a grudge against Nick.” I said the words to save Kevin the hardship. Judging by the pained look on his face, he probably wouldn’t have been able to say them anyway. “She told us that she’s going to humiliate Nick by making his pain public. She seems to think that he’s embarrassed her in the past and, from what we can tell, this is her way of getting revenge.”

“I told you.” Nick’s vice was rough and scratchy. The tears were sliding down his face when he finally lifted his eyes from the floor. “I told you that this was my fault.”

“It’s not your fault.” Brian and I spoke at the same time.

“She could have been obsessed with any one of us.” I added. “It just so happens that she is choosing to focus on you.”

“Did she say what she wants to do to me, like, in detail?” Nick sniffed loudly and wiped at his face.

“All she said is that she wants to cause you pain.” Kevin spoke slowly. “We’re not sure what she meant by that … exactly.”

“Great.” Nick leaned his head back against the wall, causing my hand to fall from his shoulder. “At least we know what the video feed is for.”

Kevin and I exchanged another quick glance, only this time it was one of confusion.

“What video?” I asked.

“We joined this website called bsbcrazies.net.” AJ rubbed absently at his sore wrists as he spoke. He seemed unsure of where to begin. “The police are under the impression that Sarah met Dan on a fan forum and that she used him to bait us.”

“That’s true.” Kevin interrupted. “Sarah told us as much.”

“The three of us decided to check out the forums to see if we could find some information that the police might have missed.” AJ continued. “While we were trolling the threads, another user posted a link to our official website. When we clicked on the link, we saw a real-time video of you guys sitting in this room.”

“You saw us?” My eyes drifted uneasily back to the cameras that lined the ceiling. “Could you hear what we were saying?”

“No.” Brian shook his head. “But the video had taken over the entire website. There was no way to bypass it.”

Kevin let out a wounded groan and leaned forward, cradling his face in his hands. “She wasn’t lying about making Nick’s humiliation public. Whatever it is that she’s planning to do, she’s going to broadcast it over the Internet.”

“I still don’t understand why we’re all here.” Nick mumbled. “If this is all about me, why has she captured all of us?”

“That’s a good question, Nick.”

All of us jerked our heads towards the television in unison. Sarah’s smiling face was once again filling the screen. She looked even more elated than she had when she had spoken to me and Kevin a few hours ago.

“Let me explain why you’re all here.”

** AJ **

I was having a hard time believing that the woman speaking to us through the television was a psychopath. She looked so normal. If I was being completely honest, I would even go so far as to describe her as ‘pretty’. Her features were soft, her eyes were round, and her cheeks were just pudgy enough to give her face an endearing quality. If I saw her at a show, there was a good chance that I would look twice.

“I see that the rest of you have arrived.” Sarah paused and peered intently into the camera. “Welcome.”

I discreetly rolled my eyes at Brian. It hadn’t taken long for the psychotic elements of her personality to push their way through. She had become less pretty simply by opening her mouth.

“I hear that you found out about my little web broadcast.” Sarah laughed softly. “I was hoping to keep that part a surprise.”

The five of us looked at each other, but none of us said anything. Was this woman for real? I scooted myself across the floor and propped myself up against the wall next to Brian so that I could have a better view of the television. I figured that it was best to face this lady head on, even if she was speaking to us from behind a television screen.

“The five of you are going to play a little game.” Sarah continued. “And all of your fans are going to get to watch.”

“What kind of a game?” Nick’s voice was small and timid.

“I’m so glad that you were the one to ask that question, Nick.” Sarah immediately switched all of her attention to Nick. “Do you remember me?”

I swallowed hard and prayed to God that Nick had the good sense to lie and say that he remembered her. I was pretty sure that we wouldn’t stand a chance at survival if he told her the truth.

“Yeah, sure.” Nick lied, his voice sounding at least a little bit more confident. “You came to our recent shows in North Carolina and you did VIP in Charlotte.”

Sarah’s face lifted into a smile and she immediately began to laugh; a high pitched cackle that sounded more than little psychotic. The five of us watched, unblinking as she leaned forward into the camera and flipped it off. The screen went blank and it took me more than a few seconds to realize that she had turned the camera off on purpose.

“Did I say the wrong thing?” Nick locked eyes with Howie; panic stricken. “You said that she went to the North Carolina shows, right?”

Howie nodded. “That’s what she said.”

“The chick is clearly off her …” I stopped mid-sentence as the lock on the door turned over with a heavy thud.

I scrambled to get to my feet, nearly knocking Brian over in the process. The two of us grabbed at one another and hurried to right ourselves as the door swung open and Joey, Tony, and Vinny trooped into the room. Each of them was holding a gun and a small blonde woman was wedged into the middle of their well-armed group. I could feel Brian’s arm shaking beneath my fingers as the two of us continued to cling to each other; our eyes locked on the formidable sight.

For a brief moment, I considered tempting fate and attempting to escape, but the sheer size of the three men kept me firmly rooted to the spot. Even if I did manage to make it past one of them, the other two would literally shoot me down in a matter of seconds. As if reading my mind, Vinny casually swung his leg out and kicked the door closed. He issued me a small smirk as the door slammed back into position. All of my lingering thoughts about being able to escape instantly vanished. We were officially trapped.

“Hello, boys.” Sarah stepped forward; a huge smile plastered across her face. After giving the rest of us a cursory glance, she turned her attention to Nick. “Hi, Nick.”

“H – h – hi.” Nick stammered. He had gotten to his feet and had manoeuvred himself behind Kevin so that he was practically using the older man as a human shield. It was easy to tell that he was absolutely petrified.

“Why are you hiding?” Sarah kept the smile on her face as she stepped forward. “Are you scared of me?”

“No.” Nick shook his head and curled his fingers around the extra fabric on the back of Kevin’s shirt. “I’m not scared.”

“You don’t remember me, do you?” Sarah took another step forward and her three body guards followed her lead.

“Nick already told you that he remembers seeing you at the North Carolina shows.” Brian spoke up. “What more do you want him to say?”

I pressed my fingers down heavily into Brian’s arm muscles. Sarah’s eyes were flashing as she looked the two of us up and down. She obviously hadn’t appreciated Brian’s comment. I could feel the sweat beginning to form beneath my facial hair; I could taste the salt on my lips. Brian had made her angry, that much was clear.

“Do you know how many times I’ve tried to get you to notice me, to pay attention to me?” Sarah turned her now steely eyes to Nick. “Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to be rejected time and time again in front of all of those people?”

“I’m sure that I’ve paid attention to you.” Nick licked his lips and took a step backward so that he was practically standing on top of my feet. “You’re a pretty girl.” He added lamely, tugging on Kevins’ shirt so that the older man also had to take a step backwards.

Sarah smirked and began to rhyme off her list of Nick’s supposed indiscretions on her fingers. “You refuse to follow me on Twitter, you won’t acknowledge my Instagram posts, you turn your back on me during your shows, you refuse to take pictures with me on the cruise, you’ve never acknowledged the gifts that I’ve given you, your fiancée called the cops on me when I came to your house …”

“You came to my house?” Nick interrupted. He was now staring Sarah head on, his eyes wide and watery. “My new house?”

“I told everyone I know that you and I had something special.” Sarah continued, ignoring Nick’s gasps of surprise. “Fifteen years ago, when I was fourteen, you sang to me in the TRL audience. When the song was over, you whispered in my ear that I was pretty. You told me that you would be interested in me if I was older. So, I waited. I’m older now, Nick.”

“What the fuck!?” I looked at Nick in disgust. “Did you really say that kind of shit to our fans?”

Nick let go of Kevin’s shirt and turned to face me. “I don’t remember what I said to anyone when I was eighteen! I’m sure that whatever I said wasn’t even half as bad as what you used to say in order to get girls to sleep with you!”

“I didn’t go after girls who were underage!” I shot back. “At least I had the decency to hit on the ones who were already legal!”

“This is really not the time to have this discussion.” Kevin interjected. He cast a cautious look at Sarah before directing his attention to me and Nick. “It doesn’t matter what any of us said to any of our fans more than fifteen years ago.”

“But it does matter!” Sarah shrieked. “I based my whole life on that promise, Nick; my whole fucking life!”

“That’s because you have a screw loose, lady.” I mumbled.

Brian groaned as soon as the words left my mouth. I could feel him tense beside me as Sarah returned her angry stare to the two of us. Sometimes I regretted the fact that I was predisposed to saying exactly what was on my mind. More often than not, my tendency to speak before I took the time to think things through landed me in trouble. This was easily one of those times.

“Take him.” Sarah turned to Joey and cocked her head in my direction.

My heart began thumping wildly as Joey stepped forward and sank his massive fingers into my upper arm. He tugged me roughly towards him and I stumbled forward, despite my best efforts to keep my feet planted firmly on the floor. He was just too strong. Thankfully, I didn’t move very far as Brian dug his own fingers into my other arm.

Brian yanked me backwards towards him and Joey started at the resistance. He looked over my head and locked eyes with Brian, making another effort to pull me forward. Brian responded by, once again, yanking me backwards in the opposite direction. My pulse was thundering in my ears as I looked back and forth between Brian and Joey. The two of them were locked in a tug of war and I was the rope.

“Let go.” Tony commanded; his voice dangerously even. He stepped towards Brian and aimed the barrel of his gun at his chest. “Let go, now.”

Brian’s grip on my arm didn’t lessen. He pulled his eyes away from Joey and looked warily at Tony. “What are you going to do if I don’t? Shoot me?”

Tony cocked his gun into position and curled his upper lip above his teeth. “Maybe.” He sneered. “Or maybe I’ll shoot one of your friends.”

I could feel Brian’s confidence wavering. His fingers were no longer pressing as forcefully into my arm. I wanted to speak up and tell him to let go, to tell him that it wasn’t worth it, but I couldn’t bring myself to open my mouth. My lips felt like they were glued together. I was sweating profusely now. It was hard to fathom how both Joey and Brian were managing to maintain a grip on my skin; it was so slick.

“Which one should I pick …” Tony trailed off as he flicked his eyes around the room. Without warning, he whirled around and fired a quick shot in Howie’s general direction.

Brian released his grip on my arm as soon as the bullet left the chamber. He staggered backwards against the wall; his face ashen. The bullet missed Howie’s shoulder by less than half an inch as he dove out of the way; slamming himself into the cement floor as the bullet ricocheted off of the cinderblock wall and bounced wildly along the ground.

“Howie!” Nick was on the ground before the rest of us could even react. He was running his hands frantically across Howie’s body; checking for damage while simultaneously attempting to pull him back up onto his feet.

Joey, meanwhile, had easily managed to pull me away from the others. I was so preoccupied with Howie’s wellbeing that I barely even noticed as he wrapped his massive arm around my neck. It wasn’t until my lungs started to constrict that I realized that I was in a bad place. I could feel Joey’s breath on my cheek; he had eaten too much garlic and the smell churned my stomach. I heard the click of the gun and felt the coolness of the barrel against my temple.

“Are we ready to play?” Joey’s voice rumbled in my ear.

“I think we’re ready.” The smile returned to Sarah’s face as her eyes settled on Nick who was still clutching onto a terrified looking Howie. “Who wants to play my version of Russian Roulette?”

** KEVIN **

I was blinking abnormally fast, that much I knew for sure. I was unsure of everything else. I felt as though I were detached from my body and watching the situation unfold from a safe place that was somewhere far, far away from the cold, hard room with the psychotic woman and her intimidating companions.

Now that the pieces of the puzzle had finally come together, I was feeling even more confused than I had been feeling in the beginning. I just couldn’t wrap my head around Sarah’s reasoning. Why had she hung on so tightly to a half-baked promise that Nick had supposedly made to her more than a decade ago? I understood that Nick was a celebrity and that a lot of women thought that he was attractive, but Sarah’s obsession just seemed completely unfathomable. How could she not have realized that Nick hadn’t been being sincere? How could she not have seen through his charm and his bravado? Nick had been a boy when he had made his so-called promise to Sarah. Couldn’t she see that he was now a man and that his words from long ago had no meaning?

To top it all off, I still didn’t know why Tony, Joey and Vinny were involved in the whole ordeal. There was still a big chunk of information missing, and it was driving me crazy. I needed to tie all of the loose ends together. If I could make sense of the situation then I would be able to figure out a way to save us. I was sure of it.

“How are we going to figure out who goes first?” Tony looked at Sarah expectantly and a wave of agitation crossed his face when she didn’t respond. “Sis!” Tony tried again. “Who goes first?”

‘Sis’ – ‘Sister’. The word began running through my mind on a loop. Tony and Sarah were related; that explained his involvement. I dared a quick look at both Joey and Vinny before returning my attention to Tony. The three of them were so similar that they could easily be related; if not brothers, cousins at the very least.

“I think that Nick should decide who goes first.” Sarah continued to stare at Nick with a mixture of longing and hatred. She didn’t even bother to direct her response at her brother. “How does that sound, Nick?”

Nick shook his head. He had long since released his grip on Howie, and he was now slowly backing away towards the same wall that Brian had firmly pressed himself against. I could see his eyes darting nervously back and forth between the four of us as he moved, making sure to give AJ, who was still wriggling under Joey’s grip, a few extra seconds of attention.

I instinctively took a step forward. “What are you hoping to gain from all of this? We know who you are, we know your name, and we’ve seen your face. Wouldn’t it be better for you to just let us go? Things will only get worse for you if you hurt us.”

Sarah rolled her eyes and reluctantly turned her attention towards me. I forced myself to look her in the face; to ignore AJ’s terrified expression and Joey’s gleeful smile as he tightened his hold around AJ’s neck. Sarah took a step towards me and I swallowed hard, praying to God that she didn’t notice the fact that I was scared.

“All that matters to me is making Nick cry.” The words dribbled out of Sarah’s mouth; slowly and deliberately. It was glaringly obvious that she didn’t fear the repercussions of her behaviour. She was already committed to her plan and she was going to follow it through to the end.

“He’s already crying.”

I didn’t even need to look at Nick to know that my statement was true. I could hear his soft hiccups and his unsteady breaths as he struggled to get himself under control. I knew without even turning my head that he had already made his way to Brian; that the two of them were now clutching each other as if their lives depended on it.

Sarah shook her head slowly, a sinister smile reappearing on her face as she took another step towards me. Her right hand pushed aside her long cardigan, and she quickly pulled a gun from her side. I hadn’t even realized that she had been carrying a weapon, and the atmosphere in the room changed as soon as her gun was revealed.

Judging by our five successive intakes of breath, it was clear that we had all been under the assumption that it was five against three. Now that Sarah had drawn her weapon everything had changed. It was as though the last ounce of hope had been sucked from my body. The five of us didn’t stand a chance against four people with guns, especially when three of those people were more than double our size.

“Kevin, Kevin, Kevin …” Sarah clucked. She cocked her gun into position and flashed me a wide smile. “Why do you do it? Why do you always stand up for everyone? Can’t you see that they don’t appreciate the whole alpha dog thing?”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I just stood there moving my lips like a fish and staring at the blonde woman’s triumphant face. She knew just as well as I did that I didn’t have an answer to her question. There was no justification for as to why I continued to carry on my big brother role. I simply did it because I didn’t know what else to do; it was the role that I had always played.

“Face it, Kevin.” Sarah continued. “They don’t need you anymore.”

“That’s not true.” AJ choked. His eyes locked with mine as he struggled to get the words out; Joey was still holding on tight to his neck. “She’s just trying to get in your head.”

“Am I, Kevin?” Sarah prodded, taking another step closer. “Am I getting in your head?”

“I’m not afraid of you.” My voice shook as I delivered the words, betraying the fact that I was lying. “You’re not going to turn us against each other.”

Sarah’s eyes narrowed and she flicked her left hand in Vinny’s direction; her eyes never leaving my face. “You don’t sound very confident.”

Before I could react, Vinny’s arm was around my neck. He practically pulled me off of my feet as he locked me in a chokehold, very similar to the one in which Joey currently had on AJ. My hands flew upwards as I frantically tried to wedge my fingers in-between Vinny’s massive arm and the soft skin on my neck. I knew that my actions were fruitless, but I tried anyway. What else was I supposed to do?

“It’s time to pick.” Sarah announced. She stepped away from me and Vinny and turned to Nick. “Who means more to you: AJ or Kevin?”

“You’re a sick son of a bitch!” AJ spat. “Nick, you don’t have to say anything!”

The sweat was running down my forehead, stinging my eyes. Vinny lugged me roughly across the floor and positioned me next to AJ. I could see the panic in AJ’s eyes and smell the garlic on Joey’s breath. My heart was hammering wildly in my chest. Regardless of how Nick’s answered, even if he kept his mouth shut, I knew that one of us was going to die.

“You don’t make the rules!” Sarah returned AJ’s retort with vengeance. “I do!”

“I’m not picking.” Nick’s voice was high and thin. “I – I can’t. Just shoot me instead.”

“No!” My exclamation boomed out only slightly above AJ’s, but well under Brian’s and Howie’s.

The collective outburst didn’t surprise me. Brian had his hand clamped around Nick’s arm as if he was ready to hold him back. Howie looked as though he was on the verge of passing out for the second time in less than a week; his face was dangerously pale and he was looking at Nick in dismay. AJ also had his eyes trained on Nick, tears simmering beneath his lashes. Regardless of the other relationships that had formed between the five of us, it was Nick who held us together. Each of us had a bond with Nick that couldn’t be duplicated; albeit some of those bonds were noticeably stronger than others. Without Nick, the four of us wouldn’t be able to carry on, and we had all just acknowledged that fact loud and clear.

The smile on Sarah’s face grew. She quickly closed the gap between her and Nick and held out her hand. “I want you to come up here with me.”

Nick frantically shook his head back and forth and pressed himself even tighter against the wall. He looked like he was inches away from vomiting all over Sarah’s feet. “Please don’t do this.”

Sarah looked less than impressed at Nick’s petrified behaviour. She wiggled her hand in front of him and looked him dead in the face. “Take my hand or I’ll put a bullet in Brian’s chest.”

My heart was positively pounding now. I could feel the sweat trickling down my neck and pooling on top of Vinny’s steroid-infused arm muscles. I wasn’t at all surprised as I watched Nick shoot his arm out and allow Sarah to curl her well-manicured fingers around his. I wasn’t surprised, but I was disappointed. Sarah had played right into Nick’s potentially greatest weakness; he would never let anything happen to Brian, and Sarah knew it.

“That’s better.” Sarah tugged Nick forward into position a few feet in front of me and AJ. “So, are you going to pick? Or do you want me to pick for you?”

“Listen …” Nick’s voice was shaky. He was effectively creating as much distance as possible between himself and Sarah while continuing to hold onto her hand. “… I’m sorry about what I said to you all those years ago. I was a stupid kid back then. I didn’t realize that my words would have such a serious impact on your life. If you want to punish me that’s fine, but you have to let the other guys go.”

“I can’t.” Sarah slowly shook her head and tightened her grip on Nick’s fingers. “I want you to experience all of the pain that I’ve felt over these past fifteen years. I want you to know what it’s like to go on living without the people who mean the most to you. If I were to kill you, that would defeat the entire purpose. If you’re dead, you won’t be able to feel, and I want you to be able to feel. I want you to feel the worst pain that you’ve ever felt.”

I tried to catch Nick’s attention, but his gaze was fixated on the floor. He didn’t respond to Sarah’s deranged comments, and I could see that his fingers were limp and slack in her grip. I thought about sacrificing myself and encouraging Sarah to pick me, but the image of Kristin and the boys prevented me from opening my mouth. I had too much to live for.

“Fine!” Sarah jerked Nick’s arm and forced him to lift his eyes from the floor. Her voice was saturated with anger and aggravation. “I pick Kevin.”

My body instinctively went into overdrive at the mention of my name. I began clawing even more frantically at Vinny’s arm, my fingers slipping and sliding in my own sweat. I attempted to wriggle my body away from Sarah as she pulled a single bullet out of her pocket, but Vinny’s grip was too strong. All that my struggling was getting me was a restricted supply of oxygen.

“No!” Nick begged, his desperate eyes landing on my face. “Please don’t do this!”

“She gave you the chance to pick.” Tony walked over and pulled Nick away from Sarah. He yanked Nick’s arms behind his back and held his wrists together while keeping his other eye on Brian and Howie.

I opened my mouth to plead my case, but all that came out was a strangled gasp. Vinny was holding me too tightly; it was becoming harder and harder to breathe. I watched helplessly as Sarah opened the chamber on her gun, inserted the single bullet, and gave the chamber a carefree spin.

“I hope you’re feeling lucky.” Sarah grinned as she clicked the gun into position and pointed it directly at my chest.

I squeezed my eyes shut. I could hear Vinny repositioning himself to my right so that he had no danger of being hit. I could hear AJ swearing a mile a minute and struggling against Joey’s grip. I could hear Nick wheezing as he attempted to catch his breath. I could hear Brian and Howie’s voices coming together in anguish. I could hear Sarah pulling the trigger. I could hear the bullet being dislodged from the chamber. I could hear my whole life coming to an end.

** NICK **

I was gasping uncontrollably. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t catch my breath. My vision was fuzzy from the lack of oxygen, but I could still see a blurry outline of Sarah raising the gun and bringing her finger backwards to pull the trigger. Everything was so hazy that I didn’t even see Brian moving until he was on top of her. By the time that my brain registered what was going on, Brian had already captured Sarah around the waist, twisting her body and pulling her forcefully to the ground.

The gun went off; the discharge ringing in my ears as Tony let go of my wrists and hustled out of the way. Even though Tony inadvertently took me down with him as he moved, I still felt the blood. The warm droplets hit my arm and trickled slowly down my skin as I skidded roughly along the floor. My tail bone burned from connecting with the cement and I braced myself for the searing pain that was sure to come; after all, I had just been shot.

“You fucking idiot!” Sarah’s voice rang out admits the commotion.

Forgetting about the impending pain, I forced myself to my feet and stumbled towards Brian who was lying on the ground and defending himself against Sarah’s flying fists. Tony was still trying to collect himself from the tumble that the two of us had taken, while Joey and Vinny were still tussling with AJ and Kevin.

I reached my destination in a matter of seconds, wrapped my hands around Sarah’s tiny frame and slammed her to the floor. She hit the ground with such a sickening sounding thud that I almost felt bad for her. I had always been a strong believer in the notion that it was never okay to hurt a woman, but I immediately pushed my feelings of remorse aside. In all fairness, she had just attempted to shoot Kevin.

“Nick!” Brian gasped; his eyes wide and frantic. “You’re bleeding.”

I pulled Brian up into a standing position and he winced with the effort of getting to his feet. He must have hit the ground even harder than I had.

“I think I’ve been shot.” It wasn’t until the words were out of my mouth that I realized that the pain that I had been expecting still hadn’t come.

Brian grabbed at my arm and then moved his hands quickly to my chest; his fingers leaving bloody streaks on my shirt as he searched for the wound. “You’re okay.” He breathed. ”You’re okay.”

“Then who …”

Brian and I both turned at the same time, our eyes simultaneously taking in the pool of blood and the body on the ground. Everyone else seemed to be moving in slow motion as I hurled myself to the floor by Howie’s side. I could see Brian falling down next to me, but everything else was a blur. I gently pulled Howie’s head into my lap and looked down at his face. His eyes were closed and there were spatters of blood across his neck and his cheeks.

“Howie.” I choked on his name as I looked down at the blood that was seeping out of his stomach and saturating his t-shirt. The stain was getting bigger by the second, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I brought my trembling fingers up to Howie’s cheeks and moved them slowly across his skin. The feeling of his stubble beneath my hands was enough to push me over the edge.

The tears were falling hot and fast as I watched Brian push Howie’s t-shirt away from his stomach. The entry point was angry and red, fresh blood was pooling out of the broken skin and running aimlessly onto the ground. The sight was enough to turn my stomach, but I pushed the nausea aside. Instead, I returned my attention to Howie’s face and gently wiped away some of the spatter with my thumb. I knew that I wasn’t being helpful, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything else.

“I did this.” Brian’s voice was the only sound that could have pulled my attention away from Howie and, when I looked into my best friend’s face, I didn’t like what I saw.

Brian was shaking uncontrollably. His faced was laced with guilt and his eyes were blurry with tears. There was blood on his hands; Howie’s blood.

“You didn’t do this.” I forced myself to speak and to keep looking at Brian when I should have been directing all of my attention towards Howie. “Sarah did this.”

Brian shook his head. He was shaking so badly that he could barely speak. “I did this. I’m the one who tried to be the hero. I’m the one who made Sarah fire the shot at Howie.”

“None of that matters!”

Kevin had miraculously appeared on the other side of Howie’s body. I was so flustered that I didn’t even question how Kevin had managed to get away from Vinny as I watched him stick his arms out and roughly push his cousin out of the way before dropping his hands to Howie’s stomach.

“We need to put pressure on the entry point. We need to stop the bleeding!”

Brian fell back onto the cement from the force of Kevin’s push. The guilt that had been crisscrossing his face was immediately replaced by a look of anguish and disbelief. He looked to me for support, but I merely shook my head and returned my eyes to Howie’s painfully still face. I didn’t have the energy to get involved in the middle of a dispute between the Kentucky cousins. This wasn’t the time or the place for any of us to be worrying about a bruised ego.

“Is he breathing?” Kevin demanded. He hastily pulled his sweater over his head and looked at me expectantly when I didn’t answer. “For fuck’s sake, Nick, is he breathing?!”

I redirected my attention towards Kevin’s face, well aware of the fact that my eyes were wide and vacant. I had no idea if Howie was breathing or not, nor did I remember how to check to see if he was. Did I look for a pulse? Did I look at his chest? Did I give him CPR? My mind was racing from the simple task of trying to remember my basic first aid skills. All I wanted was for Howie to be okay; my mind couldn’t focus on anything else.

“You’re useless!” Kevin’s forehead nearly smashed me in the face as he placed his ear next to Howie’s nose and stared at his chest. After a few seconds, he ripped his face away from Howie’s and returned his attention to the blood that was still trickling slowly out of his stomach. “He’s breathing.”

Never in my life had two simple words brought me so much relief. I continued to cradle Howie’s head in my lap, watching in a haze as Kevin went to work applying pressure and wrapping his shirt around Howie’s stomach. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see AJ falling down next to Brian; the two of them grabbed at each other as AJ subtly prevented Brian from interfering with Kevin’s actions. I knew that Brian was crying and I could hear AJ rasping what I assumed were words of comfort at an alarming rate of speed, but I didn’t dare take my eyes away from Howie. For the first time in days, I didn’t care about what AJ and Brian were doing.

Kevin pulled the knot that he had made with the arms of his shirt as tight as he could and Howie’s eyes fluttered open from the sudden jolt of pressure.

“Howie?” I gently pushed my hand through his hair and leaned down towards his face. “Howie, can you hear me?”

Howie’s eyes were glossy and only partially open, but he managed to nod his head ever so slightly. He opened his mouth and let out a single word, barely above a whisper. “Hurts.”

“I know.” The tears were streaming down my face again. I watched as the fat droplets rolled off of my chin and landed in Howie’s hair. Any other day, Howie would have skinned me alive for making a mess of his hair, but now he didn’t even flinch. The observation made me cry even harder. Dear God, I really needed Howie to be okay.

“Well, isn’t this touching?”

Despite my best efforts to keep my eyes trained on Howie, I raised my head at Sarah’s comment. I had been so consumed with Howie that I had forgotten all about our situation. I blinked several times in rapid succession to clear my vision. The sight of Sarah and her goons seemed like an illusion. It was hard to fathom that there were other people around, let alone four very angry people who were now surrounding us with their guns drawn.

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it!?” I screamed, my voice cracked and splintered with rage and emotion as I took in Sarah’s self-satisfied smirk. “You wanted to cause me pain and you’ve succeeded! Are you happy?”

“What you’re feeling right now is only a very small fraction of the hurt that you’ve caused me.” Sarah seethed. “I put my life on hold for you. I could have done so much more. I could have had so much more, if I hadn’t spent all of that time waiting for you.”

“You’ve fucking lost it!” I placed Howie’s head gently on the ground and stood up. I took a few steps towards Sarah, feeling more than a little unsteady on my feet as I watched her bodyguards begin to close in on me and the rest of the guys. “You’re delusional! You’re clearly just looking for someone to blame for the fact that you’re life is shit!”

“I rejected everything for you!” Sarah screamed back, her face reddening from the sheer effort of projecting her voice. “I didn’t go to school overseas! I didn’t try to find a boyfriend! I put myself in debt buying concert tickets, VIP passes, plane tickets, and cruise packages! I lost friends because I was so preoccupied with you!”

“I didn’t ask you to do any of those things.” I struggled to keep myself from shouting. “You destroyed your own life.”

“You don’t understand!” Sarah continued to scream. “It’s not just me who feels this way. There are hundreds, maybe even thousands, of girls out there who you’ve made promises to that you haven’t kept. I’m doing this for all of the fans that you’ve rejected and let down over the years! I’m doing this for all of the girls who have spent their life's savings in the hopes that you would look at them and smile and pose for a picture, but who always end up going home empty-handed.”

“Fans?!” I was shrieking now. “Our fans care about us! They would never do anything to hurt us! Look what you’ve done to Howie? Do you really think that any fan of ours would have put a bullet in Howie’s stomach? He could die because of what you did! You’re not a fan; you’re nothing but a coward with a seriously deranged vision of reality.”

Sarah’s face was turning from red to crimson. She glanced once in Howie’s direction before steeling her eyes on me. “I hate you, Nick Carter! I hate you for ruining my life!”

“I don’t care if you hate me!” I raged. “I just want to make it perfectly clear that if Howie dies I will hunt you down and kill you myself! Do you understand?”

I was moving quickly now, crossing the distance between myself and Sarah in long, rapid strides. I was so fixated on getting my hands around her tiny neck that I didn’t notice what was happening behind me. I didn’t notice that AJ, Brian, and Kevin were being pulled from the floor. I didn’t notice that they were, once again, having their hands bound behind their back. The blood was pounding so heavily in my ears that I didn’t even hear them struggling, or maybe I did and I blocked it out. The anger was all consuming; Sarah had hurt Howie and now I was going to hurt her.

I lunged at Sarah, but she was too quick, too agile. She easily sidestepped my advances and clicked her gun into position. “Are you sure that you want to come after me? What about your friends?”

I whirled around; all thoughts of revenge forgotten. How could I have been so stupid? Howie was still lying on the ground, his eyes opening and closing in such a way that made it easy to see that he was slowly, but surely slipping away. Kevin, AJ, and Brian were now standing shoulder to shoulder with their arms twisted painfully behind their backs. Vinny, Joey, and Tony were standing a few feet away from them with their guns at the ready. None of them said anything as I looked back. They didn’t have to; their faces said it all.

“You really are a tool.” Sarah’s voice hissed in my ear as she wrenched my arms behind my back. “I never should have cut you loose, but I wanted you to turn the guns on each other. I suppose that I’m just going to have to do all of the dirty work by myself.”

“You’ve already done more than enough.” I tried to resist, but her movements were too fast. Sarah may have been small, but she was strong and swift, and I was completely unprepared. The cable ties were around my wrists before I could blink and Sarah wasted no time in pushing me roughly back towards the others.

“You think that you’re upset over what happened to Howie?” Sarah’s voice was biting. “Just wait until you see what I’m going to do next.”

** BRIAN **

“Poor Howie.” Sarah sighed as she pushed Nick towards the three of us. “It’s such a shame. That bullet was meant for Kevin.”

I swallowed the bile that was rising in my throat and kept my eyes locked on the far wall just above Nick’s right shoulder. I couldn’t bear to look at Howie lying on the ground with his blood drying on the cement. It was my fault that he was on the ground in the first place. I had done what I had always sworn that I would never do; I had chosen one person’s life over another. I had saved Kevin and killed Howie all with one stupid choice, and I would never be able to forgive myself.

“Please let us go.” Nick was begging now. “Howie needs help. He’s going to die.”

“How many times do I have to tell you, Nick?” Sarah gave one Nick one final shove and he stumbled into position a few feet in front of us. “I’m not finished yet.”

“We’ll stay if you let Howie go.” Kevin spoke slowly and evenly, his voice eerily calm. “We’ll do whatever you want if you take Howie to a safe place.”

The cable ties were tight and I could feel the sweat gathering around my wrists, aggravating the already raw skin. I could hear AJ breathing heavily to my right. I knew that he was probably less than impressed with Kevin’s suggestion, but I prayed to God that he was smart enough to keep his opinion to himself. Personally, I was fine with Kevin’s idea; anything to help ease my guilty conscience.

“Is that so?” Sarah peered into Kevin’s determined face and smirked. “I suppose that I don’t really have any use for him anymore …”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kevin nod vigorously in agreement. “So you’ll let him go?”

Sarah paused as if she were considering the suggestion before twisting her face into an angry sneer. “Of course I’m not going to let him go! Can’t you see that Howie lying on the floor is doing Nick in? That’s the whole point of this, remember?”

I couldn’t help it. I pulled my eyes away from the wall and looked directly at Kevin. He looked as though he had been punched in the stomach. It was obvious that he had been under the impression that he had been getting through to Sarah; that his reasoning was having the desired effect. My heart ached for my cousin as I watched the dejected look overtake his face. I couldn’t remember a time when I had seen him look so defeated.

“Speaking of pain …” Sarah trailed off as she left Nick’s side and took a few steps towards the three of us. “…who am I going to hurt next?”

Vinny quickly assumed Sarah’s former position next to Nick. He grabbed on to his already bound wrists and jabbed the barrel of his gun into his back. I saw Nick flinch as Sarah stepped dangerously close to Kevin and peered into his face. She appeared to consider her options carefully as she moved on and did the same thing to AJ.

I sucked in my breath as she stepped in front of me. The whole situation was bizarre; I was terrified, but my mind was telling me that there was no reason for my fear. Our captor was a woman; a slender, petite, nice smelling woman. Physically, I could have dominated her. Mentally, she had me beat. Sarah was clearly unstable and, after witnessing the fact that she would have mercilessly shot Kevin at point blank range, I didn’t want to take any more chances.

“Frick and Frack.” Sarah smiled. She closed the gap between us so that her chest was now brushing against mine. “I always thought that was so sweet.”

The smell of her perfume was making me nauseous. If I lived through this ordeal, I knew that I would never be able to stomach the scent of Vera Wang’s Princess ever again. Above Sarah’s shoulder, I could see Nick visibly starting to panic. He knew what was about to happen, just as well as I did.

“Move them.”

As soon as Sarah issued the command, Joey and Tony swooped down on AJ and Kevin. With my hands locked behind my back, I was helpless as the two Italian monsters dragged them off towards the side of the room. I remained equally helpless as Sarah brought one hand up and began to lightly trail her fingers down my chest. I thought about twisting to avoid her touch. I thought about kicking her with all my might. I thought about head-butting her directly in the face. But every time that a thought crossed my mind, I replaced it with an image of Howie bleeding out on the ground just a few feet from where I was standing. I had tried to resist one too many times already. I wasn’t about to be responsible for getting anyone else shot.

“I’m going to shoot you right here.” Sarah whispered in my ear as she pressed her fingers into the skin just below my heart. “I’m going to aim right for your scar.”

“Please!” Nick sobbed. “Just let us go!”

“What’s the matter, Nick?” Sarah turned from me and dropped her face into a pout. “Are you worried that you’re going to lose your best friend?”

“If you hurt Brian, I will literally strangle you until you can no longer feel feelings!” AJ’s voice was so loud that I jumped. “I will fucking kill you, you sick, nasty bitch!”

AJ was fighting against Joey’s grip harder than I had ever seen him struggle. He was twisting his upper body while simultaneously flailing his legs in all directions. To his credit, Joey was weathering the storm with what appeared to be expert practice. He didn’t even react as AJ’s foot connected sharply with his shin.

Sarah rolled her eyes in impatience. “Tony, help Joey handle our little superhero.”

Without hesitation, Tony responded by pistol whipping AJ across the side of the head. The force of the blow, the sound of which ricocheted through the room, was more than enough to knock him out. AJ slumped in Joey’s arms and, almost immediately, Joey let his body fall to the floor. No matter how much it pained me to watch, I couldn’t pull my eyes away as AJ’s lifeless form landed on the ground with a sickening thud; his already swelling head hitting the floor with a life-ending crack.

“AJ!” I was screaming before my brain had even registered the fact that my mouth was open. I sounded as wounded as I felt as I allowed myself to collapse into a fit of sobs. The sound of his head hitting the floor was replaying over and over again in my mind. AJ's body was contorted on the ground in a shockingly still pile of arms and legs. There was no movement whatsoever.

“Look what you did!” Nick was hysterical; the tears were streaming down his face faster and harder than I had ever seen anyone cry. “Just shoot me! Just fucking shoot me so that I don’t have to watch this anymore!”

“AJ!” I was still screaming his name in the hopes that he would wake up if I yelled loud enough. “AJ, wake up! Wake up!”

I began to lower myself to the ground, afraid that my legs wouldn’t be able to support my weight for much longer; first Howie and now AJ. I couldn’t handle much more. All I wanted to do was crawl over to AJ’s body and shake him until he woke up, but I knew that Sarah would never let that happen. I was starting to think like Nick. Maybe it would be better if Sarah were to just shoot me. I wouldn’t be able to feel the pain if I was dead.

“What are we doing now?” Joey had come up behind me and was yanking me painfully back up into a standing position. “Are we shooting this idiot or what?”

“Go ahead.” My voice was hoarse from crying. “Do whatever you want. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Brian!” Nick’s voice was rising even higher in hysteria. “Of course it matters! You can’t give up. You’re the one who told me that we can’t give up!”

“They’re gone, Nick.” I sought out his gaze and held tight.

Through the tears, the dirt, and the blood, I could see the flicker of realization overtake his face. Nick knew just as well as I did that we were fighting a losing battle. No matter what I did, the outcome was inevitably going to be the same. I was going to end up dead on the floor just like Howie and AJ. Sarah’s ultimate goal was to take all of us away from Nick; to leave him sad and alone just like he had unknowingly left her since that day so many years ago when we had performed on TRL.

“I can’t – I can’t make it without you!” Nick’s face crumpled even more. “After all that we’ve been through, I can’t have it end like this. I can’t lose all of you at once. I won’t be able to cope!”

“You will.” I tried my best to sound reassuring, to keep the tremor out of my voice .The tears were still sliding down my face, but they were silent now. I had to regain my composure. Howie had gone down as a victim, AJ had gone down as a fighter, and I would go down as a passive participant.

“Don’t…” Nick hiccupped as Vinny readjusted his grip and yanked him upwards so that his back was perfectly straight. “Brian, please …”

“Nick …” I stopped.

Joey had now backed me up against the wall, and he was slowly inching away from me with his gun trained on my chest. Sarah was busy taking up her position in front of me, a look of pure satisfaction on her face.

“Nick …” I started again as Sarah clicked her gun into position. I wanted, more than anything, to tell him that everything was right between us again, that our friendship was truly restored, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Besides, I was pretty sure that he knew it anyway. “… don’t forget about Baylee.”

Sarah’s gun discharged and, at the last possible moment, I made the decision to move. I dove to the right with all of the adrenaline that I could muster. Amidst a series of banging and crashing, I could hear Nick and Kevin yelling a string of obscenities. A searing pain sliced through my left arm as I hit the ground hard on my right side and skidded across the floor towards AJ’s lifeless body and Kevin’s scuffed up shoes. There was so much yelling, so many voices, and so many bullets flying around that I couldn’t even begin to figure out where it was all coming from.

There was blood on the ground next to me and I knew that it was mine, but I was in so much pain from the fall that I had no idea where on my body it was coming from. Panicked and confused, I did the only thing that I could think to do; I remained face down on the floor, closed my eyes, and tried as hard as I could not to move as the chaos raged above me.

** NICK **

The hands on my shoulders were heavy and rough as they jerked me backwards. Everything was happening so fast that I couldn’t even begin to process what was going on around me. Guns were going off in every direction, men were yelling, Sarah was screaming, and fists were flying. A strong arm pushed my head down and drew me against a well-padded chest as a stray bullet whizzed by the side of my face. I could still hear the ringing in my ear as my new-found protector practically hauled me off of my feet and out of the cinder block room.

“I’ve got Carter!”

“Richardson is out!”

The arm that was applying pressure to my head suddenly disappeared and I stumbled forward into another set of arms. I blinked rapidly to try and discern what was going on, but there were too many arms and too many faces. Someone cut the cable ties from around my wrists and another pair of hands immediately began leading me even farther away from the room.

“Mr. Carter, can you hear me? Are you all right?”

“Huh?” I felt like I was emerging from a deep sleep; everything was so foggy and confusing.

“Are you all right? Are you hurt?”

“No.” I shook my head and, for the first time, managed to focus my eyes on Detective Bell’s anxious face. “Brian!” Reality hit me like a Mac truck. “Howie! AJ! I have to go back!”

“Wait!” Detective Bell grabbed me around the waist and held strong as I began to flail about in a desperate attempt to interject myself back into the chaos that was still raging only a few feet from where we stood. “It’s not safe for you to go back in there right now!”

“You don’t understand!” I could hear the hysteria rising steadily in my own voice. “This is my fault! I have to go back in there and get them!”

“Nick!” Kevin’s voice boomed out over the rest of the noise.

I stopped trying to escape from Detective Bell’s hold long enough to turn and locate the origin of Kevin’s voice. Kevin was sitting on the ground being tended to by a paramedic. The first responder looked less than impressed by the fact that Kevin was yelling. The man had his hands poised over Kevin’s face, waiting for him to hold still so that he could more effectively bandage the large, oozing cut on his forehead.

“There’s nothing that you can do right now, Nick.” Kevin’s eyes locked with mine as he spoke. “You have to let these people do their jobs.”

As I stared back at Kevin, I finally processed all of the activity that was going on around me. Everywhere I looked there were law enforcement officials in protective gear screaming at each other and into various electronic devices. EMS staff members were also hustling about in every direction and barking orders at each other. It was a startling sight, but not as startling as the view of a portable stretcher being pulled from the room where the five of us had been trapped only ten minutes before.

“Howie!” Neither Kevin’s orders nor Detective Bell’s grip could hold me back as I let out an anguished cry and began shoving my way through the crowd of police officers and paramedics towards the stretcher.

“Is he going to be okay?” I peered down into Howie’s ashen and eerily still face as the two EMS workers hurried across the dark, dank basement towards the stairs. “You have to tell me something! Please!”

“He needs immediate medical attention.” The man closest to Howie’s feet gave me a less than encouraging look as he and his partner reached the base of the staircase. “We can’t tell you anything more.”

I ran a hand through my hair and turned around frantically in a circle. As much as I wanted to follow Howie up the stairs, I knew that I would only be getting in the way. I had to give Howie every opportunity to pull through. If he didn’t make it, I wouldn’t make it.

“Let go of me!” Sarah’s voice rang out, sending a sharp pain through my chest. “You killed my brother you bastards! You killed him!”

I could feel the anger coursing through my body as I watched Sarah struggle wildly against the two police officers who were dragging her out of the room. She had her hands cuffed behind her back and her face was smeared with blood, but she appeared to be otherwise unharmed. Tears were sliding down her face as she twisted and contorted her upper body in a fruitless attempt to escape from the two men who were easily overpowering her.

“I didn’t get to finish!” Sarah wailed. Her eyes found mine as the police officers dragged her unceremoniously across the floor. “He didn’t get to watch them all die!”

My heart was pounding erratically now with the vision of Brian and AJ lying on the floor. Sarah’s words had brought me back to reality. Howie was already getting help, but what about Brian and AJ?

Forcing Sarah’s screams out of my mind, I began frantically pushing my way back through the mess of emergency workers. I ignored Vinny and Joey being led away in handcuffs. I ignored Kevin screaming my name. I ignored Detective Eaton’s attempt to latch on to my arm, and I ignored Tony’s blood-soaked body lying on the floor. All I cared about, at that moment, was finding out for myself if Brian and AJ were okay.

My eyes zeroed in on Brian the second that I entered the room. He was being helped to his feet by a couple of EMS workers, a white bandage wrapped securely around his left arm. He looked a bit unsteady on his feet and I saw him wince as he applied pressure to his right leg, but none of that prevented me from continuing to charge directly towards him at full speed.

Brian’s eyes widened as he realized that I had no intentions of slowing down. I ploughed into the paramedics, practically knocking both men to the ground, as I slammed my body into Brian’s with astonishing force. Brian stumbled backwards from the impact, bringing his right arm up to encircle my back. I grabbed on to him as hard as I could, finally realizing how he had felt a few days earlier he had first learned that I wasn’t dead.

“Oh God.” I choked; my face hot with tears. I couldn’t even bring myself to speak properly. I was so relieved. I had been expecting to see Brian still lying on the floor. I had been expecting to learn that he was dead. So, the fact that he was alive and hugging me back was almost too much for me to handle.

“I’m okay.” Brian’s voice was muffled by my shirt; his face crammed against my chest.

“You’re okay.” I repeated his statement just to convince myself that it was real.

My fingers dug into Brian’s back, grabbing at the extra fabric on his t-shirt and tightening my grip. I was afraid to let him go, afraid that if I let him go that he would inexplicably slip away. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his left arm hanging limply at his side and the thought briefly occurred to me that I might be hurting him. Still, I made no move to pull away.

“We have movement!”

Brian and I both lifted our heads at the paramedic’s words. Our eyes met and we lessened our grip on each other as the two EMS workers that I had nearly taken out on my quest to reach Brian all of a sudden dropped to the ground to assist their co-workers.

“Sir, can you hear me?”

“Fuck …”

AJ’s voice was little more than a whisper, but it was enough to cause me and Brian to spring apart. The two of us lowered ourselves to the floor, careful not to get in the paramedics’ way as we struggled to interject ourselves into AJ’s field of vision.

“AJ, can you hear me?” I practically shouted the question. “Say something!”

AJ let out a strangled grunting noise and his eyes slowly fluttered open. He blinked painfully against the light before looking me in the face. “Fuck …”

“Sir, there’s a good chance that you have a pretty serious concussion.” One of the paramedics pushed me and Brian roughly out of the way as his companion began to outfit AJ with a neck brace. “I need you to stay awake, but, at the same time, I need you not to move. We’re going to put you on a stretcher and carry you out of here. Do you understand?”

AJ grunted again. “My head fucking hurts.”

I actually smiled as I helped Brian get back on his feet. The fact that AJ was swearing was a good sign. The two of us moved out of the way as the EMS workers delicately manoeuvred AJ onto the stretcher and hoisted him into the air. Brian swayed a little as we moved to follow AJ out of the room, and I immediately shot my hand out to steady him. I completely ignored the police officers who were busy covering Tony’s body with a sheet and placing numbered markers around the room. At that moment, I only had eyes for my brothers.

“Jesus Christ!” Kevin screamed as soon as I led Brian out of the room. He looked hastily at AJ as the paramedics carried him through his line of sight, and a look of relief washed over his face when he saw that he was conscious. Unfortunately, his relief was short lived. “Nick, why is it that you never listen to a word that I say? I told you to just wait and let the professionals do their jobs and you completely ignored me! Do you have any idea as to the trouble that you could have caused by running around the way that you did?” Kevin paused mid-rant to look at his cousin. “Christ, Brian, you need to see a doctor! You’re bleeding through that bandage. Were you shot? Did they say how bad it is? Why is nobody taking you upstairs to an ambulance?”

I exchanged a quick, knowing look with Brian before letting go of his arm and stepping forward. A paramedic immediately took my place, offering Brian his arm and gesturing that he needed to start making his way upstairs.

Kevin’s worried eyes followed his cousin’s movements for a few more seconds before they finally settled on my face. “Well?” Kevin demanded. “The police are waiting to talk to us.”

“I’m glad that you’re okay, Kev.” I took a final step forward and wrapped my arms around Kevin’s back, pulling him into a tight embrace.

It took only seconds for Kevin’s hands to find my back and, when they did, I was surprised by the strength of his grip. He returned my hug with way more emotion than I had expected. I could feel his body shaking. I could feel the tears running down his face. Normally, this kind of emotional display from Kevin would have sent me running for the hills. I usually couldn’t handle it when he broke down, but this time it was different. This time, the feeling was mutual. This time, I knew that Kevin needed me just as much as I needed him.

** AJ **

I cracked my eyes open a fraction of an inch and immediately closed them again. The light was too bright and the ringing was too loud. If someone didn’t make the ringing stop, I was going to lose it. Didn’t people realize that I was trying to sleep?

“AJ? I’m not supposed to let you fall asleep.”

I groaned inwardly at the sound of Nick’s voice. Of course Nick was the one who was responsible for the God awful ringing noise. I was going to punch the kid in the face. I had a killer headache. It felt like someone was taking a jackhammer to the side of my head.

“AJ?” Nick’s voice sounded anxious; upset.

I forced my eyes open once again, hating the way the light burned my retinas. It took me several minutes, but I finally managed to get my eyes to stay open and to focus on Nick’s face. He was leaning over me and peering intently down into my face, his eyes heavy and sad. He looked rough, like he hadn’t slept in several days. There was a smear of dried blood on his cheek and streaks of dirt on his arms.

“Nick?” I barely recognized my own voice; it was so hard and raspy. I sounded like I had just finished a week long bender. “Where am I?”

The realization that I had absolutely no idea where I was or why Nick was hovering over me looking like he’d just gone through the fight of his life hit me hard and fast. I could feel the panic welling in my chest. Had I really gone on a booze-fuelled adventure? Had I fallen off the wagon once again?

“You’re in the hospital.” Nick soothed. “The doctor said that you’re going to be fine. He said that there’s no bleeding in or around your brain. He said that you were lucky.”

“What?” I struggled to sit up, and Nick quickly reached over to adjust the pillows behind my neck. He pushed a button and the bed moved swiftly into a more upright position. “Why am I in the hospital? Why are you talking about my brain bleeding? Did I get drunk and fall down?”

Nick continued to stare at me with the same expression; half relief and half pity. “The doctor said that you may not remember. He said that’s normal.”

“What don’t I remember?” I demanded. “Why am I in the hospital? What happened to me?”

“You were hit in the head …” Nick trailed off as he became emotional. “…with a gun.”

“A gun?” My eyes were now open painfully wide. “Who hit …” I stopped myself from asking the question as the answer suddenly flashed through my mind. “Sarah!”

Nick nodded. “You remember?”

Unfortunately, I did remember. Everything was rapidly flooding back in a wave of emotion as I continued to look into Nick’s desolate face. I could see it all replaying in my mind: being forced into the car, tripping down the stairs into the abandoned basement, Joey’s arm tightening around my neck, Howie falling to the ground, Sarah threatening to kill Brian, Nick screaming, Tony’s hand coming towards my face. I gasped frantically for air as I realized that I had no recollection of the outcome. Obviously, Nick and I were alive and in the hospital, but where was everyone else?

“Is Brian – Did Howie – How about Kevin…” I stopped and started several times, unable to bring myself to ask about the others. It was too painful to say their names without knowing if they were still alive.

“Kevin is with the police.” Nick began. “Brian has been admitted to have his arm stitched up …”

“I think you mean that Brian has already been discharged.”

Brian’s voice was a welcome interruption; soft and southern with a short laugh thrown in at the end for good measure. He walked quickly across the room, limping slightly and favouring his left side as he made his way towards me and Nick. Brian sat down on the side of the bed without invitation and offered me a small smile.

“How are you feeling?”

“They let you go?” Nick interrupted, turning his worried eyes to Brian. “I just asked about you less than an hour ago. The doctor said that you were resting.”

Brian flushed. “I WAS resting. When I was finished resting, I woke up and told the doctor that I was leaving.” His blush deepened as he looked into Nick’s anxious face. “Don’t look at me like that. I sighed all of the paperwork. I knew what I was doing.”

I looked at the large bandage on Brian’s arm and exchanged a worried glace with Nick. “Are you sure that you’re okay?”

“It’s a flesh wound.” Brian insisted. “The doctor said that the bullet only grazed my arm. He stitched me up and told me that I’m probably going to have a pretty tough looking scar. I’m fine.”

“What about your leg?” Nick insisted. “I saw you limping. What did the doctor have to say about that? Or did you forget to ask him?”

Brian rolled his eyes in mock annoyance. It was easy to see that he was actually touched by our level of concern. “I bruised my hip when I fell. Right now, I’m walking like an old man, but I’ll be fine in a couple of days.”

Nick shook his head. “You still should have waited to be discharged properly.”

“I couldn’t wait that long.” Brian’s eyes landed on my face. “I was going crazy not knowing if everyone else was okay. The doctors wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“I’m good.” I insisted. “Aside from the fact that I have a massive headache, I’m good.”

“He hit you so hard.” Brian’s eyes began to fill with tears. “I thought for sure that – I figured that you were – I didn’t …”

“Don’t.” I reached out and caught Brian around the arm, squeezing as hard as I could. I patted the empty portion of the bed and motioned for Nick to sit down. Nick did as I instructed and I immediately wrapped my other hand around his arm. “We can’t do this to ourselves.”

“Can’t do what?” Brian gingerly lifted his bandaged arm and wiped away the tears that had already managed to escape.

I could feel my own tears sliding down my face as I looked back and forth between Nick and Brian. “We can’t torture ourselves by thinking about what could have happened. I don’t want to think about the fact that I could have easily lost both of you, and I don’t want either one of you to think about the fact that you could have lost me.”

“How am I not supposed to think about it?” Brian choked. “Every time I close my eyes, all I can see is you falling to the floor.”

“And all I can see is Sarah tracing her finger down your chest and explaining exactly where she’s going to shoot you.” I shot back. “I’m sure that Nick sees whatever horrible act happened next.”

“I see Sarah backing you up against the wall and taking aim at your chest.” Nick was looking directly at Brian, hiccupping through his tears. “I see you diving to the ground covered in blood and not moving.”

Brian squeezed his eyes shut. “We can’t un-see those things, AJ. It’s not possible.”

“I’m not saying that we have to un-see them.” I tightened my grip on my friends’ arms and struggled to pull myself together. “I’m just saying that we can’t dwell on them. We’re all here. We’re all alive. That needs to be enough. We have to promise each other, right now, that we’re going to move on from this and be okay.”

“All of us can’t make that promise.” Nick sobbed. “Howie’s not – Howie’s still in surgery.”

My stomach churned at the mention of Howie’s name. I had been so relieved to see Brian walk into the room that I had failed to realize that Nick hadn’t had the opportunity to tell me about Howie. The image of Howie lying on the ground, his blood bubbling out of his stomach, was too much to digest. I released my grip on Nick and Brian and brought my hands to my face. I was sobbing shamelessly now, my body shaking and my head pounding from the effort. What if Howie didn’t make it?

“He’ll make it.” Nick spoke quietly, as if reading my thoughts. “He’s strong.”

“We’re not going to think about him lying on the floor.” Brian gently pulled my hands away from my face. “You told us that we have to be strong, remember? You told us that we have to move on.”

“I said that stuff before I knew – before I knew that Howie wasn’t okay.” I shuddered. “What are we going to do?” I looked helplessly at Brian. “Can we pray for him?”

“Sure.” Brian appeared slightly hesitant. “We can pray.”

I couldn’t really blame Brian for looking apprehensive. I was probably the least religious out of the five of us, but I knew that Howie would want us to pray for him. I knew that Howie would trust God to guide him back to us, and I figured that we might as well give God a nudge in the right direction. I grabbed onto Brian’s hand and found Nick’s fingers with my other hand. I waited until Brian grasped Nick’s other hand in his to complete the circle before I bowed my head. I just assumed that Brian would lead us, and I felt strangely comforted as his voice began to fill the room.

“Heavenly Father, we ask you to watch over Howie during this difficult time. We ask that You take care of him and make sure that he recovers to his full ability. We also ask that You give us the strength to move on from the horrific ordeal that we’ve just faced. Lord, please forgive me, specifically, for putting Howie in danger, for compromising his time in the world that You created. It was not my intention for Howie to get hurt. I was not my place to be a hero, and I have learned my lesson.” Brian took a deep, shaky breath and I squeezed his hand for reassurance as he continued. “Father, all we ask is that You keep Howie safe. In the Lord’s name we pray, Amen.”

“Amen.” I whispered the closing and raised my head.

“Ya’ll finished?” Kevin was standing in the doorway, looking both annoyed and betrayed all at the same time.

“We were just saying a prayer for Howie.” Brian released his grip on my hand and turned to face his cousin. “We didn’t want to interrupt your discussion with the police.”

I kept my eyes on Kevin’s face as he looked at each of us in turn. I could see that he was hurt by the fact that he had been excluded, but I had no idea what to say to him in order to rectify the situation. The three of us had done it again; we had placed our own feelings and our own relationships above those of the group. Even in grief we were divided.

“I heard you.” Kevin’s response was terse and defensive. He looked Brian hard in the face. “How did you get down here?”

“I discharged myself.” Brian stated with a distinct lack of emotion. It was almost as if he was challenging Kevin to question his decision. “I needed to find out if AJ and Howie were okay.”

“We already gave him shit for doing it.” I grinned and poked Nick gently in the ribs. “Right, Nick?”

Nick grinned back at me and nodded vigorously before turning to Kevin. “Tons of shit.”

Kevin stepped farther into the room and took a seat in one of the vinyl-wrapped chairs. He ran a hand down his face as he studied me and Nick. “I see that ya’ll have sorted yourselves out then?”

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Kevin was talking about the underlying currents of jealousy that had been running between me and Nick for the past several days. It was hard to explain where the feelings had gone, but they were definitely no longer present. If anything, I was feeling a stronger connection with Nick than I had in a long time.

“We’re good.” Nick asserted. “We always were.”

Kevin snorted and rolled his eyes in Brian’s direction. “You want to weigh in on that comment?”

Brian shook his head and held up his hands in mock surrender. “Maybe you should just tell us what you found out from the police.”

Kevin hesitated, his face taking on a faraway look. “Don’t you want to wait until Howie is here?”

I opened my mouth and then shut it again almost immediately. Of course I wanted Howie to be present, but I also desperately wanted to know what the police had told Kevin. It could still be hours before Howie was out of surgery. The thought was so horrible that I couldn’t bring myself to say it; I wanted to know what Kevin had to say without having to wait for Howie. A wave of self-induced nausea swept over me as I mentally berated myself for thinking such a callous thought. Had the situation been reversed, Howie would have insisted that we should wait for me before having the discussion.

“Good, you’re all here.”

I shook my head to rid it of my terrible thoughts and glanced at the doorway. Detective Bell was leaning against the doorframe, a file folder and an iPad tucked underneath his arm.

“I haven’t spoken to them yet.” Kevin announced at the same time that Nick pointed out that Howie was missing. “We’re waiting for Howie.”

Detective Bell looked at the four of us with a mixture of sympathy and annoyance. “I’m afraid that we don’t have time to wait. Mr. Dorough’s surgery could take hours and we need one of you to make a statement. The department is overwhelmed and the members of my staff are being accosted.”

“Accosted about what?” I demanded. My head was swimming with a multitude of disjointed thoughts as I struggled to remember all that had occurred. I had a feeling that I would be dealing with the aftermath of this head injury for a long time. “What kind of a statement do we need to make?”

“They filmed the whole thing.” Nick’s voice was so low that I could barely hear him. “Remember, we saw the video of Howie and Kevin on our website?”

“Oh God.” I could barely stand to allow the thought to enter my mind. My head was throbbing with the effort. “Everyone thinks that we’re dead?”

Detective Bell nodded grimly. “The video feed cut off right as Brian hit the floor. Nobody outside of the five of you and the Franklin Police Department knows what happened after that.”

“So, let’s just go out there and make a statement then.” Brian mumbled. “We’ll tell everyone that we’re alive and leave it at that for now.”

“I can’t let you go out there without knowing all of the facts.” Detective Bell took a seat in the chair next to Kevin. “If Mr. Richardson won’t tell you what you need to know, than I will.”

** KEVIN **

I could feel four sets of eyes burning into me as I struggled to decide what to do. As much as I wanted to be the one to relay the facts to the others, I just didn’t feel right about delivering the news without Howie being present. I rubbed anxiously at my eyes and leaned back in the chair.

“I won’t tell the story without Howie.” I dropped my hands from my eyes and looked around the room. AJ, Brian, and Nick looked upset, but they also looked as though they understood. “I guess that means that Detective Bell will be filling you in.”

Detective Bell let out a heavy sigh and repositioned himself in his chair. He gave me a sideways glance before turning his attention to the others. He paused as though waiting for Nick and Brian to move from the bed in order to make themselves more comfortable. When it became apparent that neither one of them was going to leave AJ’s side, Detective Bell let out another exasperated sigh and launched into his explanation.

“It’s probably best to start by letting you know that Sarah Moss works as a senior-level administrative assistant for the Franklin Police Department.” Detective Bell delivered the chilling news in the same way that he had told me; stone faced and deliberate. “Well, given the circumstances, she is obviously no longer employed …”

“What the fuck?!” AJ interrupted at record speed, just like I knew that he would. “The nut-job who tried to give me brain damage works for the police?”

Detective Bell cringed. “Unfortunately, yes. She started working for the department three years ago. She passed all of the background checks, the employment qualifications, and the psychological evaluation. As far as we can tell, this is her first instance of any type of criminal activity.”

“She passed a psychological check?” Brian raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “How the hell did she manage to do that?”

Detective Bell shrugged. “It’s anyone’s guess, really. However, you can all rest assured that we will be doing a thorough overhaul of our testing procedures from this point forward.”

“Well, gee, that sure makes me fell a hell of a lot better.” AJ made a huge show out of rolling his eyes before he gingerly leaned back against his pillows. “Keep going with the story.”

“You’re the one who keeps interrupting.” I pointed out. “He could be finished already.”

“Now who’s interrupting?” AJ shot back, his eyes narrowed.

“As you’ve already learned, aside from working for the police, Sarah filled her time by nursing a rather unhealthy infatuation with Mr. Carter.” Detective Bell raised his voice in order to be heard over the bickering, and AJ and I immediately fell silent. “It was this intense infatuation that led Sarah to orchestrate the murder of Dan Scott. She met Mr. Scott online through the forums on bsbcrazies.net. Sarah befriended Mr. Scott because she knew that he was undergoing a significant physical transformation in order to make himself look more like Mr. Carter. Once his physical transformation was complete, and it became well known on the forums that Mr. Scott was in possession of Mr. Carter’s identification, Sarah arranged to meet Mr. Scott at the bar in Franklin.”

“She set him up.” Nick whispered. “She told us as much. She killed Dan to bring the five of us together.”

Detective Bell nodded grimly. “You’re right. Sarah used Mr. Scott to generate the media attention that she needed, as well as to ensure that the five of you would come together in the Nashville area. She sent her cousin, Vinny Capotti, to the bar that night with explicit instructions about how to drug and murder Mr. Scott.”

“Vinny is her cousin.” Brian repeated that small bit of information to himself. “And Tony is her brother …”

Detective Bell raised his eyebrows in surprise at Brian’s comment. I must have failed to mention the fact that we already knew that piece of the puzzle when I had been speaking to him earlier.

“That’s right.” Detective Bell nodded. “Tony is Sarah’s biological brother and Joey, as it turns out, is her step-brother on her father’s side.”

“It’s good to know that this whole event was a family affair.” AJ snorted. “We wouldn’t have wanted anyone to feel left out.”

I resisted the urge to tell AJ off for the second time. His comment had actually been kind of funny. Of course, I would never give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had come close to making me laugh in such a stressful situation.

“It’s obvious from the depth of her planning that Sarah had been working on this abduction scheme for months, maybe even years.” Detective Bell also ignored AJ’s comment and pressed forward. “As a second-tier administrative assistant, Sarah had access to confidential information, including requests for private security coverage. When the request for your twenty-four hour security coverage was issued, Sarah was the one who organized the contract with G4 Security. We checked their employment records and both Joey and Tony have been working for the company for a little less than a year. It seems as though Sarah is quite friendly with the security coordinator at G4 and she was able to ensure that Joey and Tony were assigned to your case by manufacturing certain requirements on their behalf.”

“I can’t believe that we didn’t realize what was going on.” Nick shook his head. He looked beyond defeated. “Joey broke into the house and tried to beat the shit out of both Brian and AJ, and we still didn’t figure it out.”

Detective Bell’s face grew even more solemn as he turned to address Nick, Brian, and AJ more specifically. “We should have looked into that incident more closely. We now assume that the sole purpose of that ‘attack’ was to determine which of you would be the most likely to fight back. After that little ‘test’, Sarah made sure to take Mr. Richardson and Mr. Dorough first because she knew that the two of them would put up less resistance. She used the two of them as leverage to make the rest of you easier to take down. She obviously knew that the three of you wouldn’t put up too much of a fight if you thought that it would cause more harm to your friends.”

“What was the end goal?” AJ was clearly becoming impatient. “I get that Sarah was obsessed with Nick and that she blamed him for the fact that her life is a complete pile of shit, but what is it that she wanted with all five of us?”

“Her overall plan was to make Mr. Carter watch as she killed the rest of you one at a time. The entire episode was supposed to be broadcast online through your official website, as part of her goal was to make Mr. Carter's pain as public as possible. According to Joey, who was pretty quick to spill most of the details, Sarah was going to somehow arrange for you to actually kill each other. That’s why she initially removed your wrist constraints.” Detective Bell looked cautiously around the room as he spoke. “As Joey told us, it was Mr. Littrell who messed up Sarah's plan by moving to save Mr. Richardson. It seems as though Sarah had a pretty good handle on your respective relationships and Mr. Littrell's decision to save his cousin apparently took her by surprise.”

I caught Brian’s eye as the detective’s words hung in the air. Brian’s decision to try and save me had also taken me completely by surprise. Even though Brian and I were officially family, we had never bonded in the same way that he had with Nick and AJ. The thought that he would risk his life to save mine had never even entered my head. If the situation were to have been reversed, I would have done the same thing, but I seriously doubted whether or not Brian knew that.

Brian returned my look; his face a mixture of pride and regret. He gave me a small nod to let me know that the regret was not meant for me before he turned to face the detective. “Sarah had a specific order, didn’t she? When Howie got shot first, her plan fell apart. I could see it in her eyes; she was panicking when Howie hit the floor.”

Once again, Detective Bell nodded in agreement. “If you choose to believe Joey, Mr. Dorough was supposed to be killed last.”

“Last?” The word slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. I could feel my face flushing as I struggled to find a way to cover up my surprise. Detective Bell hadn’t told me that tidbit of information during our earlier conversation. “I mean – I just don’t – I figured that …”

“You figured that I was supposed to be last.” Brian supplied. He cast his eyes to the floor to avoid the fact that Nick was staring at him with an intense look of pain and confusion. “This girl knows us better than we know ourselves, Kev. She had it right.”

“But Howie isn’t …” Nick stopped, took a shaky breath, and started again. “I wouldn’t have been able to cope, regardless of the order. Her plan would have worked; she would have broken me.”

“The whole situation is partially our fault.” Detective Eaton’s voice echoed from the doorway. He took a few cautious steps into the room and looked around, his eyes eventually landing on me. “We let you down.”

“This is nobody’s fault.” I shook my head. “Y’all did the best that you could with what you had to work with. It’s nobody’s fault that Sarah is clearly battling with some pretty serious mental issues. The fact that she let her infatuation with Nick consume her whole life is proof of that.”

“If it hadn’t taken us so long to trace the emails things would have turned out differently.” Detective Eaton argued. “Once we realized that it was Sarah who had sent the messages, everything fell into place faster than we could blink. The structure where you were being held is off the grid, but the land is registered to a relative of the Capotti family. As soon as we connected Vinny with Sarah, it was essentially game over. I just wish that we had been able to navigate our way through Sarah’s scheme before she was able to get as far as she did. The mentality behind her motives may be questionable, but there’s no doubt that the girl is smart. How she ever managed to convince three of her family members to back her up and to participate in such a heinous crime is still beyond me.”

“When it comes to family, people often act without thinking things through.” Brian interjected. He gave me a small smile as he spoke. “People will do anything for their family.”

I couldn’t speak; the lump in my throat was too big. I swallowed painfully and struggled to keep myself planted firmly in the chair. All I wanted to do was rush across the room, throw my arms around Brian and let him know that I, too, would do anything for my family. I tended to act like a hard-ass, a role that I had adopted simply because I was the oldest and it had been silently implied that I was supposed to be the one who kept everyone in line. Now, I desperately wanted nothing more than to be part of the brotherly banter, but I was having a hard time letting go of my ‘big brother’ role, of letting the other guys know that I was ready to just be their friend and not their ‘protector’.

“Kev?” Nick interrupted my thoughts. “Are you okay?”

I nodded, still unsure if my voice would be able to support my thoughts. “I’m fine.”

“Excuse me?” A soft knock on the door caused all of us to look up. A middle-aged, male doctor was standing in the doorway. “I’m looking for the family of Howard Dorough. I was told that they might be in this room.”

“That’s us.” AJ, Nick, Brian, and I all spoke at the same time; our heads simultaneously bobbing in anticipation.

The doctor looked down at the clipboard in his hands. “You’re all his immediate family?”

“No.” I clarified. “Actually, none of us are directly related to him.”

“But we’re still his family.” AJ added. “All of us.”

“Is he okay?” Brian jumped in. “Is he out of surgery? Are we able to see him?”

The doctor let out a long sigh and rubbed his hand against the back of his neck. He cautiously eyed Detective Bell and Detective Eaton before turning his attention to Brian. “I’m not supposed to release any information to non-immediate family.” He paused. “He’s out of surgery and he’s awake. I suppose that I can let one of you see him.”

“Nick, you go and see Howie.” I spoke before anyone else had the chance to open their mouth. “AJ, you’re not supposed to get out of bed, and I think that Brian and I should be the ones to make the statement to the media.”

“That’s fine.” Brian agreed without hesitation. “Nick, you should be the one to go.”

Nick studied Brian’s face long and hard before he turned and gave me a small, sincere smile. “Thanks, Kev.”

** HOWIE **

Alone again; no matter what the situation, I always seemed to be the one who ended up alone. I may have actually been upset if I hadn’t already become so used to it. The hospital lights were bright and they burned my eyes as I turned my head from side to side. The steady beep of the heart monitor was reassuring, as was the even steadier drip of the pain medication that was currently seeping into my body through an IV.

I could remember most of what had happened. I knew that I had been shot by the crazy woman who was obsessed with Nick. I knew that the others had tried to help me by wrapping a shirt around my stomach in an attempt to control the bleeding. I knew that Brian blamed himself for what had happened to me; I had seen it on his face as I had been on the verge of blacking out. What I didn’t know was if the others were okay. Clearly, I had been saved, but had the other guys been as lucky?

I gave up trying to look around the room and allowed my eyes to fall shut. The idea that I was the only survivor was too much for me to handle at the moment. I couldn’t go on without AJ, Brian, Nick, and Kevin. As much as I felt that they excluded me, I needed the four of them in my life. If they were gone there was nothing left for me; next to Leigh and the kids, of course.

“Howie?”

My heart surged at the sound of his voice. My eyes fluttered open and I attempted to stretch my face into a smile. Nick had made it; Nick had also been lucky.

“How are you feeling?”

“Sore.” I sounded like I felt; rough and gravelly. “But alive.”

At my mention of the word ‘alive’, Nick’s face lit up in the same way that it always had when he was twelve years old and everything in the world was new and amazing to him. He crossed the room in a matter of steps, dragging one of the chairs up beside the bed. He sat down and stared at me as if he were expecting me to spring out of bed and launch into the choreography for ‘Everybody’.

“What’s up, Nicky?” I tried to laugh at my use of his outdated nickname, but it came out sounding more like a groan. “You look rough.”

Nick rubbed absently at the dried blood on his face and grinned. “Only one of us was allowed to come and visit you. Kev decided that it should be me.”

“He did, did he?” I smiled and laid my hand gently on Nick’s arm. “I’m glad you came.”

“The rest of the fellas wanted to come too.” Nick leaned forward and peered intently into my face. “AJ’s got a concussion, so the doctors won’t let him leave his room. Kevin and Brian are waiting to talk to the media.”

“Everyone’s okay, then?” I asked the question even though Nick had already answered it. We had all made it through. We were all okay.

“You ended up getting the worst of it.” Nick admitted. “We were all – we didn’t know – we thought that maybe …”

I tightened my grip on Nick’s arm. “I’m okay, Nicky.”

“I’m so sorry, Howie!” Nick let out a choking sob and made no move to stop the tears that were all of a sudden rolling down his face. “I’m so sorry about everything!”

I started, taken aback by Nick’s rapid onset of emotion. “Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything to me.”

Nick hiccupped as the tears continued to fall. “This wouldn’t have happened if Sarah hadn’t wanted to get even with me. She used you guys as bait; you got shot because of her grudge against me. She had a plan, and you were supposed to be last, not first!”

I blinked, unsure of what to say. Nick had lost me with his final comment. What was he talking about? I was meant to go last for what?

“I take you for granted, Howie.” Nick continued. “I always have. I know that you’re going to be there for me no matter what, so I end up pushing you away when it suits me. I know that it’s not right, but I do it anyway. I just want to make sure that you know that you mean so much to me. If I had lost you today, I don’t – I don’t know what I would have done.”

Now, I was really confused. Nick was never this emotional with me. This was the side of himself that he too often kept locked away. My heart ached as I watched him struggle to pull himself together. Maybe I wasn’t alone after all, maybe I never really had been.

“You don’t take me for granted.” I whispered the lie because I knew that it was for the best. “It’s all gonna be okay, Nick. We’re okay.”

Nick sniffled loudly and wiped his nose across the back of his hand. “I treat you like shit. I don’t know why you can’t admit it.”

“There’s nothing to admit.” I kept up with my lie. “Like I said, we’re okay.”

“Are you okay?” Nick pressed. “The doctor wouldn’t tell us anything.”

“I lost a lot of blood.” I paused, trying to remember what the doctor had told me. I had still been pretty groggy from the anesthesia when he had delivered the news. “The bullet missed all of my major organs, but it nicked an artery. From what I understand, they were able to remove the bullet and stitch me up without too much trouble.”

“So, you’ll recover?” Nick looked more than hopeful. “You’ll be the same as you were before?”

I hesitated, considering Nick’s statement. “I don’t think that any of us are ever going to be truly the same.”

“Howie!” AJ’s overpowering voice boomed down the corridor. “”Howie, where you at?”

Nick and I looked at each other, both of us trying to contain our amusement. AJ sounded as though he were on a mission.

“In here!” Nick yelled, giving in to his need to smile. “Room 412!”

The door banged open and a heavy-set nurse appeared in the doorway. She was huffing and puffing, cursing under her breath as she pulled a hospital bed into the room. Another nurse, similar in stature, was doing pretty much the same thing as she helped to push and guide the bed into position. AJ was perched atop the bed looking as smug as ever as he waited for the two women to catch their breath.

“You can just wheel me up right next to Howie.” AJ instructed, conveniently ignoring the death stares that both women were sending in his direction.

“What the fuck?” Nick’s mouth fell open. “How did you convince them to move your whole fucking bed?”

“The doctor on duty is a huge fan of yours.” The older of the two nurses grumbled. “Apparently, she’ll make anything happen for Mr. McLean here.”

“Damn straight!” AJ smirked. “A little to the left, ladies.”

The two women exchanged a quick glance and shoved the bed into its final position, making sure to jostle AJ as much as possible in the process. I bit my lip as I watched AJ grab his head and wince in pain. Normally, I would hate to see him in pain, but he had pretty much asked for it in this case.

“Enjoy.” The older nurse deadpanned. “You’re stuck with him now.”

“Wonderful.” I rolled my eyes in mock annoyance. “Is there no chance of you ladies taking him back downstairs?”

“Dude!” AJ admonished as the nurses waddled out of the room. “I did this for you!”

“Did you really?” I smirked. “Or were you just afraid of being alone in your room?”

A brief look of anxiety flashed across AJ’s face. “I’m not supposed to fall asleep until after the doctor has checked on me one final time. How am I supposed to stay awake if I have no one to talk to? If I had stayed down there all by myself, I probably would have fallen asleep and never woken up!”

“You wouldn’t have died.” Nick looked to me for confirmation. “You just would have, like, gotten serious brain damage, or something.”

I snorted at Nick’s comment and cringed as the movement rocked my body. “Nick’s right. You wouldn’t have died, but you may have woken up with the intelligence of a carrot.”

“I don’t even LIKE carrots!” AJ moaned, clutching at his head as his own voice echoed around the room. “You guys have to make sure that I stay awake.”

“You got it, Aje.” I used what little strength I could muster to reach my hand out and curl my fingers gently around his arm. “You got it.”

“Kevin and Brian are about to talk to the press.” Nick interrupted, gesturing at the television that was on, but muted, in the corner of the room. “Do we want to watch it?”

I turned my eyes towards the television and the slow, steady beat of the heart monitor immediately began to speed up. The anxiety was swelling in my chest as I watched Brian and Kevin walk out of the hospital doors and slowly approach the crowd of reporters. The fact that the two of them were facing such a frenzied crush of people only a few feet away from where the three of us were sitting seemed almost surreal. The inside of the hospital was so quiet and sterile; it didn’t seem possible that such a noisy, chaotic crowd was stationed just outside the doors.

“We have to watch it.” AJ insisted. “Turn it up.”

Nick grabbed the remote off of the small table beside my bed and aimed it at the television. Piercing shrieks suddenly filled the room and my heart swelled as I realized that it wasn’t only reporters who were waiting to hear from Brian and Kevin; the fans had also gathered. I shouldn’t have been surprised. The fans always seemed to know where we were, they were always waiting.

“Hello …” Kevin’s slightly unsteady voice cut into my thoughts. The shrieks and squeals began to recede as he stepped up behind the makeshift podium. “… Thank you for waiting …”

** BRIAN **

I stayed a few feet behind Kevin as the two of us made our way to the small area that the police had cleared just in front of the hospital doors. Whereas Kevin was striding forward with confidence and purpose, I was lagging behind in fear and trepidation. I hated speaking to the media on a good day; it was one of the main reasons why I always goofed off during press-junkets. Seeing as how this particular situation would not allow for my signature antics, I was feeling even more uncomfortable than I usually did.

Making sure to keep myself partially hidden behind Kevin, I peered out at the surging, shrieking crowd. Reporters from all of the major, recognizable news outlets were jostling for position behind the human barricade that the police had set up just in front of where Kevin and I were standing. Behind the reporters were the paparazzi; their cameras flashing a million times a minute as Kevin stepped up to the microphone. Finally, behind the paparazzi, were the fans. There were hundreds, maybe even thousands, of our most devoted followers shrieking, crying, waving their arms, and crushing against one another. The mob extended well into the street that separated the surrounding neighbourhood from the hospital, and it was obvious by the startling amount of bright yellow jackets that the local police department certainly had their hands full.

“Hello …” Kevin stepped up to the microphone. “…Thank you for waiting...”

Kevin glanced behind him to make sure that I was still there and I gave him what I hoped was an encouraging smile. I was there solely for moral support. I had no intention of opening my mouth unless it was absolutely necessary.

“We really appreciate all of the interest and support.” Kevin continued, his voice wavering only slightly as he addressed the quieting crowd. “I guess that I’m going to start by telling you that we’re all okay.”

The fan-composed section of the crowd let out a collective shriek of relief and a burst of excited chatter erupted from the press section. Cameras were continuing to flash at an alarming rate and reporters were thrusting their microphones and recorders into our faces in an attempt to capture what Kevin was saying.

“What do you know about your kidnapper?”

“Is it true that you were taken hostage by one of Nick’s ex-girlfriends?”

“Is AJ really on life support?”

“Is it true that Howie may never walk again?”

The questions were coming fast and furious and I looked helplessly at Detective Bell and Detective Eaton for support. The two men were standing off to the side, and they each looked as helpless as I felt. It was clear by their expressions that they had never encountered anything of this magnitude before. Truth be told, Kevin and I had never really handled anything of this scale on our own either. We had always had someone calling the shots for us, controlling the crowd, and choosing which questions we were going to answer.

“Howie is recovering from surgery …” Kevin grasped on to the last question and began stuttering through a response. “… the doctors haven’t said anything about him not being able to walk.”

I tried to keep myself from visibly cringing as I listened to Kevin struggle to explain the situation while trying to deflect the rumours at the same time. Once this was finally over, I knew that he was probably going to beat himself up over his un-composed demeanour. I shifted awkwardly, putting more of my weight on my left leg. My right hip was beginning to develop a persistent, dull ache from standing on the cement.

“Brian!”

My head shot up at the sound of my name. The call had been faint, but recognizable. I knew that it wasn’t a reporter who had screamed it; the voice had been too familiar, too frantic.

“Brian!”

I scanned the crowd of people, my eyes straining as I tried to find a familiar face amongst the sea of strangers. Suddenly, a pair of arms shot up from within the crush of reporters and camera operators. The movement caught my attention and I quickly locked eyes with my target. I knew that I had recognized the voice.

Ignoring the pain in my hip, I hurried past Kevin and clamped my hand down on the shoulder of the nearest police officer. “I need to get to those women.” I was practically shouting to be heard above the obnoxious reporters as I gestured into the crowd. “They’re with us.”

The police officer looked at me with a mixture of apprehension and disbelief. He was about my age, maybe a bit younger, and built like a tree trunk. “You want to go into the crowd?”

I nodded. “Don’t worry about me. Just make sure the girls are safe.”

“I do not get paid enough for this shit.”

I could hear the police officer grumbling as I stepped forward into the crowd and began to push my way forward. Cameras were being forced into my face with my every step and reporters were hurling questions at me as I moved past them.

“What happened to your arm?”

“Is AJ on his deathbed?”

“Is this the end of the Backstreet Boys?”

“Do you blame Nick for what happened?”

There were arms and elbows everywhere. My bandaged arm ached from being jostled around, but I didn’t care. I kept my mouth pressed shut and tried my best to keep my expression neutral as I had no choice but to look into the cameras that were being shoved into my face. I could only imagine what was going through Kevin’s head. I could hear him continuing to address the crowd in short, clipped statements. He was angry, there was no mistaking it.

“Brian!” Rochelle’s hand slipped into mine as I finally reached her and Lauren. She sounded more than anxious. “They wouldn’t let us through! Leigh, Kristin, and Leighanne went around to the back entrance more than half an hour ago. We haven’t heard from them since.”

“Come on!” I yelled in order to be heard above the persistent reporters. I didn’t think that there was any point in trying to say any more at that particular moment.

The questions were crashing against me like waves, threatening to overwhelm me. I knew that the cameras were rolling, capturing my every move, my every word, my every expression. Rochelle and Lauren were already upset. They looked worn out; their faces tear streaked and their eyes puffy. I knew that the last thing that they wanted was to be on camera for any longer than was absolutely necessary.

Rochelle’s fingers tightened around mine as I led the way back towards Kevin and the welcoming relief of the hospital. How had our wives not been given clearance to enter the building without having to go through the crowd? Establishing safety procedures for our family members should have been high on the detectives’ list of priorities. Somewhere in the far reaches of my mind, a lawsuit was brewing. I was sure of it.

To his credit, the police officer that I had forced to accompany me was doing a good job of making sure that Lauren and Rochelle were staying as well protected as possible. I could hear him swearing at the reporters and telling them to back off.

The three of us reached the edge of the crowd and I motioned to Kevin to wrap it up. He nodded slightly in agreement, but not before shooting me a condescending look. It was clear that he was not impressed by my impromptu decent into the crush of reporters. Pushing Kevin’s look aside, I guided Rochelle and Lauren towards the main entrance to the hospital. Kevin’s voice boomed in the background as he delivered his final statement, promising a written press release on our website within the next few days.

Rochelle crashed into me as soon as we entered the stillness of the hospital, her hair falling against my face as her arms wrapped around my back. Her perfume invaded my nose as I held her close, her body shaking with sobs.

“I’m so glad that you’re okay!” She choked. “Where’s AJ? How’s he doing?”

“AJ’s fine, Elle.” I promised, pushing her hair away from my face. “He has a concussion, but he’s fine.”

“What about Nick?”

I gently pulled away from Rochelle and looked into the terrified face of the woman who was waiting to spend the rest of her life with Nick. The tears were sliding down Lauren’s face, thick and silent. Her fingers fluttered nervously around her mouth as she waited for me to respond.

“Like Kevin said, we’re all okay.” I issued another promise. “Nick is fine.”

That was all it took for Lauren to join our embrace. She threw herself against me and Rochelle, her long arms tightening around both of us. I could feel the smile stretching across my face as I let myself relish in the feeling of being alive and cared for. Sometimes the power of grief was astounding.

“Are you guys out of your minds?” Kevin suddenly appeared at the side of our huddle. “The paparazzi are at the door and they must have taken, like, a hundred pictures of this tender little moment. Do any of you want to take bets on what the captions will be?”

Rochelle, Lauren, and I broke apart and grinned wickedly at each other. I had some suggestions as to what the headlines might read, but I was pretty sure that Kevin’s question had been rhetorical. I dared a quick glance over my cousin’s shoulder and saw that the reporters and the photographers had, indeed, pressed themselves up against the massive sliding glass doors. Police officers were scurrying back and forth trying to control the commotion, and members of the hospital’s overwhelmed security team were sending us looks that were practically begging us to clear out of the way.

“Let’s move this little reunion upstairs. According to security, AJ has somehow managed to have himself moved into Howie’s room.” Kevin gently placed his hand on Lauren’s elbow and began to direct her towards the elevators. “There’s no point in giving the media any more to talk about. Did you hear some of those rumours? Who in their right mind came up with the idea that Howie is now a paraplegic?”

Rochelle and I exchanged a silent smirk as we trailed after Kevin and Lauren. Only Kevin would allow his gruff exterior to overshadow the fact that he was likely overjoyed by Lauren and Rochelle’s presence. I rolled my eyes at Rochelle as Kevin continued to yammer on to Lauren about the audacity of the media; his finger jabbing impatiently at the button that controlled the elevator.

Rochelle pursed her lips together to hide her smile and linked her arm through mine. “Thanks again for the phone call.” She whispered. “It really meant a lot to me.”

“What are you two whispering about?” Kevin turned to face us just as the elevator doors dinged open. “I really don’t think that I can handle any more secrets.”

“Nothing.” Rochelle promised as the four of us stepped into the safety of the elevator. “I was just telling Brian that I’m happy to see him.”

It was Kevin’s turn to roll his eyes in disbelief. “Right.”

Their voices reached the elevator before the doors had even opened. AJ’s laugh was booming down the hallway, Nick’s voice was rising and falling in-between Howie’s, Kristin and Leigh were chattering excitedly, and Leighanne was fussing in and amongst the commotion. As soon as the doors slid open, Lauren and Rochelle took off in the direction of the voices; their hair swishing and their purses jangling as they rushed past the overwhelmed looking nurses at the nurses’ station. Kevin and I followed behind, sending apologetic looks in the direction of the harried health care providers as we passed.

Leighanne flung herself at me the moment that I stepped through the door. I stumbled backwards from the movement, her oversized handbag smacking my in the stomach and her long nails scraping against my bandaged arm as I struggled to hold on to her. She was crying loudly, her mascara trailing down her cheeks as she stared at me.

“I thought that you were dead!”

I cringed, embarrassed by her overdramatic reaction. “I’m alive … obviously.”

“You just disappeared!” Leighanne continued with her overwrought recap. “You didn’t even bother to call me, but you had time to call Rochelle!?”

“You had time to do WHAT?”

I disentangled myself from Leighanne’s crushing hold and turned to my cousin. Kevin had just pulled himself away from Kristin and was shooting daggers in my direction. I could feel my face heating up as I hastily looked to AJ and Howie for support. I opened my mouth, but I was at a loss for what to say. Of course Leighanne had been the one to give away our secret.

“It was my idea.” Howie took the blame, tightening his grip on Leigh who was perched beside him on the bed. “We flipped a coin to see who would receive the phone call. It wasn’t Brian’s choice to call Rochelle.”

“When did you do this?” Nick turned his attention to me. He looked slightly wounded; betrayed. “You never mentioned it.”

“During the drive to the house …” I mumbled. “The three of us decided to keep the call a secret. I phoned Ro to tell her that we would be unavailable for a few days, but that we were all okay. I pretended that you were still dead in order to maintain our cover. It was stupid …”

“It was wonderful.” Kristin interrupted, giving Kevin a heated stare. “When Ro called and told me what you had said – it – well, it just – it made things a bit easier.”

Both Nick and Kevin’s faces softened at Kristin’s words. Nick cracked a smile and pulled Lauren against him. “If it made the girls happy …”

“It didn’t make me happy.” Leighanne grumbled. “You should have called me yourself.”

I turned back to my wife and gave her a small, sad smile. “You can’t always have everything that you want.”

Leighanne stared back at me, her face unreadable. “What are you saying?”

I took a deep breath in preparation for the words that I was about to deliver. I loved my wife. I loved my family more than anything in the world, but the last few days had shown me that Leighanne and Baylee were not my whole world. The two of them were an integral part of my life, but I had an equally important second family that I had been neglecting for too many years. The separation had to stop; I had to bring my two worlds together. If I didn’t, my greatest fear would come true. I would end up losing one or the other, possibly even both.

“These last few days have shown me that I have to make some changes.” I stopped and started again, well aware of the fact that my voice was shaking. “I don’t want to keep missing out. I don’t want to keep myself separated from my brothers. When I thought that I had lost Nick, I had so many regrets that it’s impossible for me to name them all. He’s my best friend and I pushed him away. I love you, Leighanne, I really do, but I won’t keep shutting everyone else out. This is more than just my job. I was a part of Backstreet before you and, if you don’t want to accept what I’m saying, then I’ll be a part of Backstreet after you.”

“Brian, I – I didn’t – I don’t …” Leighanne clamped her mouth shut. For once, she was speechless.

Well aware that everyone in the room was watching my every move; I stepped forward and grabbed my wife’s hands in mine. I gently ran my thumb across her wedding band; across the visible promise that bound the two of us together until death did us part.

“This is the person that I need to be, that I want to be.” I nodded my head in the direction of the other guys, towards the men who I had grown up with, who I had risked my life for, and who had all risked their lives for me. “I can’t live without them and I would like to think that they can’t live without me.”

** NICK **

I smiled stiffly, praying to God that the picture turned out nicely the first time. The girl’s perfume was so overpowering that it was churning my stomach. This was the last VIP picture of the evening, and the final guest, a young woman with a Platinum VIP pass dangling from her neck, had suctioned herself against me so tightly that I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to pry her off. Why did the overly scented ones always want to stand next to me? Brian’s arm was curled around my waist and I could feel his body shaking in silent laughter as he waited for the picture to be taken. He knew how I felt about too much perfume and he was clearly enjoying my discomfort.

“That’s it!”

I breathed a sigh of relief as Justin lowered his camera, choking on the offending fumes as I exhaled. “Thanks so much for coming.” I flashed my signature, sexy smile at the perfume-drenched fan and wiggled out of her grip. “It really means a lot to us.”

“I’m just so glad that you guys are back!” The girl gushed, gathering her purse from security. “It’s amazing – really amazing!”

“It’s great to be back.” Kevin affirmed. “Truly amazing.”

“Guys, I’m sorry, but it looks like we have two more VIPs.” Eddie appeared not two seconds after the supposedly final fan had walked off to join the rest of the chattering crowd waiting for sound check. “They’re saying that they got the passes from you.” Eddie turned to Howie as he spoke. “Apparently, you told them to show up late?”

A massive smile spread across Howie’s face. Minutes ago, he had been chugging water and complaining about the humidity. Judging by his expression, his discomfort was now just a distant memory. I, on the other hand, was sweating profusely in the sticky Toronto heat and I wanted nothing more than to suck up a few minutes of air conditioning before hitting the open-air stage for sound check.

“Howie!” A woman’s voice rang out; high and excited.

I turned to see two young women being escorted towards us by security. One was blonde and the other was a brunette. They both had VIP passes hanging from their necks and smiles stretched across their faces.

“You came!” Howie broke away from the rest of us and enveloped the blonde in a tight hug before doing the same to the brunette. “You wouldn’t believe how hard it was for me to track the two of you down. I must have looked through hundreds, if not thousands, of profiles!”

The blonde offered Howie a warm smile. “Of course we came! It’s nice to see you again, especially now that the circumstances are better.”

I blinked in confusion as I watched Howie interact with the fans. Who were these women? Howie definitely seemed to know them and they definitely seemed to know Howie. It almost seemed as though the three of them shared a secret; a special bond.

“You’re the girls from Starbucks!” AJ practically screamed in my face as he bounded forward to greet the young women. “Which one of you is Becca? Who did I talk to on the phone?”

The blonde stepped forward and gave AJ a shy, tentative wave. “That’s me. It’s nice to meet you.”

AJ wrapped his arms around Becca and gently rocked her back and forth. “You and your friend did a good thing for Howie that day.”

“You must be Hailey.” Kevin stepped forward and embraced the brunette. “Thank you for sticking to your promise.”

I looked to Brian for help, but he was too busy staring at the fans. He had a faraway look on his face and his eyes appeared to be tearing up.

Who the hell were these women and why did everyone else seem so excited to see them? What, exactly, had they done for Howie?”

“You guys definitely renewed my faith in the fandom.” Brian stepped forward and hugged each of the women in turn. “It was a good thing that you were there for Howie when he needed someone. The situation could have turned out a lot differently if ya’ll hadn’t been there.”

“Hellooooo?” I waved my arms in the air and let out an obnoxiously loud sigh. “Does someone want to fill me in? What’s happening?”

“Hailey and Becca were there when I got the call from AJ … I was in a Starbucks here in Toronto.” Howie dropped his eyes to the ground. “They were there when AJ told me that you were dead. They – they kind of kept me from losing control.”

Shit. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I drew my eyes back and forth between Hailey and Becca. They were both staring at me in apprehension. It was as though they were finding it hard to believe that I was really there; that I was actually alive and well. It was only the first night of the rescheduled second leg of the ‘In A World Like This Tour’, but I was already getting used to those kinds of looks. For some reason; however, Hailey and Becca’s stares felt different. They had been there; they had seen Howie react to the news first hand. All of the other guys knew who these girls were, they had a connection to these women that I would never have. I felt strangely hallow; as though I really had been gone, as though I really had been dead and somehow brought back to life.

“It’s nice to meet you, Nick.” Hailey stepped forward and offered her hand.

I ignored her outstretched hand, opening my arms and pulling her into a hug. I motioned for her friend to come closer and I pulled her against me as well; holding on to both of them longer than I would have in any other meet-and-greet situation.

“Thanks for taking care of Howie.” I whispered my appreciation, not wanting the other guys to hear. “It’s nice to know that there are people looking out for him when I’m not around.”

“Let’s go, boys!” Eddie’s restless voice rang out, causing Hailey and Becca to step back and pull out of my embrace. “We’re already behind schedule for sound check.”

“I guess you guys need to get out there with everyone else.” Howie hugged Hailey and Becca one final time. “You’re both staying for the show, right? You got the tickets that I sent?”

I rolled my eyes discreetly in Brian’s direction and he smirked in response. Howie was so anxious that it was almost comical. There wasn’t a chance in hell that these two women weren’t going to stay for the show.

“Of course.” Becca smiled and patted her purse. “First row after the pit.”

“Let’s go!” Eddie’s voice boomed again, more agitated this time. “I swear that Backstreet time is going to be the death of me.”

“Poor choice of words, bro.” AJ quipped with a massive grin as the five of us waved goodbye to Hailey and Becca. “Poor choice of words.”

I shook my head and bounded up the stairs that led to the side of the stage. I peeked out from behind the curtain as I picked up a microphone. The VIP holders were talking excitedly amongst each other and taking copious amounts of pictures while they waited. Farther back, behind the fans, were our family members. I absently twirled my wedding band around on my finger as I watched Lauren and Rochelle make faces at Ava.

“You newlyweds …” Brian laughed as he stepped up beside me. “… you don’t have to look at her every second of the day, you know?”

“I know.” I pulled my eyes away from Lauren and flashed Brian a cheeky smile. “But I want to. Besides, Dr. Thaler said that it’s good for me to focus my energy on the positive things in my life.”

An even bigger smile tugged at the corner of Brian’s mouth. “Dr. Thaler told me the same thing.”

“I wonder if we’ll ever stop needing to be told to do that.” My grin faltered as the doubt once again began to invade the far reaches of my mind. Sarah was slated to stand trial for our abduction and attempted murder sometime within the next few months. Every time that I thought about having to face her in court I was practically overcome with anxiety. The only thing that helped to settle my nerves was reminding myself that the other guys would be standing there with me; I wouldn’t be facing the situation alone. “I wonder if we’ll ever truly be able to forget.”

“I doubt it.” Brian answered honestly. “What happened … with Sarah … is now as much a part of Backstreet as the five of us. What we saw – what the fans saw on that video – is something that will never be permanently erased from any of our minds.”

I nodded slowly. Brian made a good point, but that fact didn’t make his words any easier to digest. Of course, that was the role that therapy was now playing in my life. Dr. Thaler had essentially become the sixth member of our group; he was there to help us make sense of the situation that had happened with Sarah, to help us rebuild our lives and to be able to get back on stage. Tonight was the first night that we would be testing the strength of Dr. Thaler’s advice. Tonight would mark the first night since our horrendous ordeal that the five of us would be onstage performing together as a truly united front.

Brian elbowed my gently in the ribs and nodded in the direction of our families. “It’s nice, isn’t it? Having them all here, I mean.”

“Yeah …” I watched, almost mesmerized, as Kristin bounced Max on her lap while simultaneously trying to stop Mason, James, and Baylee from goofing off. Holden was passed out on the chair next to Leigh, and Leighanne was leaning over to take a picture of the two of them with her iPhone. “… it’s perfect.”

“You boys ready?” AJ suddenly appeared in-between me and Brian. He slung his arms across both of our shoulders and tightened his grip. He began steering the two of us towards the stage, refusing to let go even as we stepped out from behind the curtain and the fans began to shriek.

I felt Brian loop his arm around AJ’s waist, and I followed his lead while simultaneously raising my microphone with my free hand and addressing the crowd. “How’s everyone doin’?”

The fans roared their excitement, and I darted a quick look across the stage at Kevin and Howie. They were standing side by side, shaking their heads as they watched the three of us stumble around and bump against each other. I couldn’t control the smile as it pulled at my cheeks and enhanced the wrinkles around my eyes. Brian and AJ were each sporting similar smiles that showed their happiness as well as their age. The three of us had definitely been through a lot and, although we looked a little worse for wear, we were the closest and the happiest that we had probably ever been.

Kevin was addressing the crowd and the fans were going crazy, but I had no idea what he was saying. At that moment, it didn’t matter what his words were. All that mattered was that the five of us were standing there together; on stage in front of some of our most dedicated fans with our loved ones looking on. Our lives may have been tested, but they hadn’t been taken. Now, it was up to us to make sure that our lives weren’t wasted.