If you could step into my head
Tell me, would you still know me?
If you woke up in my bed
Tell me would you hold me?
Or would you simply let it lie
Leaving me to wonder why?
I can't get you out of this head
I call mine and I will say
Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters:
Chapter 6 by Arok
Kevin tossed and turned. Even though he was the one who ended up with the bed, he found himself unable to still his body or his mind long enough to get any actual sleep. At first he thought that it was too hot in the room so he kicked off the covers and tried to settle back down. When that didn't work he wondered if he was too cold so he grabbed the covers he'd tossed to the floor only hours earlier. That's his eyes had also landed on the blonde currently curled up on the floor sound asleep. His husband. The words still seemed untrue even just saying them inside his own head. Nick layed tucked into the side of the couch on the pitiful excuse for a bed Kevin had ever seen. He pushed down the sense of guilt he felt and allowed his eyes to roam over the younger man. His blonde hair was sticking out in all directions, his ruby red lips parted and a small snore sounded with every breath. There were deep worry lines creasing his forehead, even in sleep and Kevin willed himself not to let the guilt consume him.
Turning away from the other man he climbed back into the bed and buried his head under the pillows, trying to block at that small, breathy sound. Now that he'd identified it, it was all he could focus on. He was all he could focus on. Kevin squeezed his eyes closed tighter and forced himself to think of something else, anything else.
His mind drifted to this mother. He really needed to call her and explain the situation. He needed her to know what was happening before the news broke. Hell he should have made the call hours before the show but hadn't wanted to face reality yet. His failure to be an adult would result in her being blindsided. He hated that but it was well after two in the morning in Kentucky and he had no desire to give her a middle of the night heart attack, especially when he couldn't be there to deliver the message in person. His brothers needed to be told of course, but he realized they probably wouldn't be phased much by it at all, especially when they knew the back story.
He wondered how Nick's family would take the news. From what he'd been able to piece together over the years, Nick no longer had any semblance of a relationship with most of them, so maybe he wouldn't much be bothered by it on that front. He wondered why he didn't know more about what had transpired. When they had first forged their friendships, Nick's mom and siblings had been around all the time. In fact, Kevin hadn't even known Nick's sister had died until months after the fact, only then finding out the other guys had gone to the funeral and he hadn't even been informed. He couldn't really blame any of them for keeping the news a secret. What did he care anyway? A whole damn lot, but none of that mattered.
He turned over on his back and proceeded to shoot daggers at the ceiling with his eyes. He'd been exhausted all day, looking forward only to the moment he could crawl into bed. But now that he was here, that illustrious desire for sleep he'd felt all day long seemed like a far away dream. They were going to have to do something differently. He couldn't lay awake all night every night feeling guilt because Nick was on the floor. Perhaps they could get a room with full beds or possibly even adjoining rooms to where they could each have their separate space but come and go out of one door. Who needed to know they were using two different rooms? Well planet Hollywood would. They were footing the bill for their lodging and were probably thrilled at the idea of saving the extra fee for Nick's room once they started sharing. Over the course of a year, that could be a nice chunk of change. He signed angrily as he looked at the clock on the bedside table to see that another hour had slid by, bringing them closer to their early morning wake up call and their first public appearance as a couple.
The press release was due to be released at 6am and Alexis wanted them out and about having a romantic breakfast filled with lots of giggles, hand holding and hugs for all to see. They were even supposed to make a verbal announcement during the next night's show. He could almost guarantee now how that would go. The fans would yell, chant for them to kiss and then what? He'd have no other choice than to kiss the blonde in front of God and everyone. How often would this be expected of him? Hand holding and hugs were one thing, but kissing? He was delusional if he thought that little act would be few and far between. After all, they would be one of the biggest, out and together couples since Neil Patrick Harris and his husband. Plus they'd went the extra step and were actually fucking married. At least when Kevin made the decision to fuck up his life, years of careful, deliberate planning, well he went big.
Nick woke up with a crick in his neck as the sun streamed in through the slits in between the curtain and the blinds. From his place on the floor he could clearly see the dawn of a new morning. A morning where he had to pretend to be married to a man who only spoke to him with hate and anger. A man who sought out every opportunity to remind Nick what a worthless piece of shit he was. This was going to be a wonderful day. He rolled his eyes and flopped back on the couch cushion. He grabbed for his phone to check the time. It was a little after six. According to the email waiting for him from Alexis, they had breakfast reservations at 8 in the hotel restaurant.
He sighed and sat up. Kevin was sprawled out on the bed, the blankets tangled around his knee and leg, most of them falling precariously to the floor. He looked like he'd had one hell of a night. Nick tried to work out the pain in his neck with no luck. Maybe if he took a hot shower it would ease his tired muscles. What else did he have to do trapped in this hotel room. He turned off the ringer to his phone knowing any moment the press release would hit the media and he didn't want his phone blowing up to wake up Kevin. There was no way he wanted to start this day already with the other man all over him.
He climbed into the shower and turned the spray up as high as it would go. He stood under it for several moments enjoying the scalding hot water cascading down his back. Even though there were still several deep scratches littering his flesh, the water was warm and relaxing. He stood in the peacefulness of the shower for as long as he could before he decided he should save some hot water for the other man. Stepping out he toweled off and dressed for their first official date taking extra care on his hair and overall appearance, knowing the entire point of the whole escapade was to be photographed. Couldn't let the first official photos of him and his new husband represent him as anything less than perfect. He took a moment to catch his breath. Every time he thought of Kevin that way he wanted to cry. He hadn't ever thought much about getting married in the past. Ever since he figured out his sexual proclivities leaned further male than female he hadn't really given it another thought, instead resigning himself to the fate of being alone forever. Now he had a husband, and if it were any other circumstance he would be elated. But why did it have to be him?
Shaking himself from his musings he quickly cleaned up after himself and left the bathroom. Kevin was awake now, sitting up on the bed running his fingers through his long dark hair. Nick caught himself staring and quickly shook himself away from the gaze as he made his way to the couch. He quickly set to work cleaning up the mess he'd made with the cushions not wanting anyone, especially housekeeping to know he'd slept on the floor. By the time he was done and glanced up towards the bed, Kevin was already shut off in the bathroom. Breathing a sigh of relief he flopped down on the newly fixed couch to check his phone.
As expected there were countless text messages, social media mentions, emails and voicemails. Apparently the news had broken. Nick ignored all of them and shut off his phone. There was no way he had the brain capacity to deal with any of it right now. He heard the door unlatch behind him and knew that Kevin was out of the bathroom. He refused to turn around, instead opting to close his eyes and lean back against the couch. He could hear Kevin shuffling around the room as he was undoubtedly getting dressed. Nick forced himself not to turn and kept his eyes closed tightly until he felt the air around him shift. He opened one eye to peer up at the brilliant green eyes staring back at him.
"Are you okay?" the older man asked.
Nick snorted and closed his open eye. "Like you care."
Kevin didn't respond. Just continued to stand in front of him, staring. Nick could feel the eyes of the other man boring into him. After several moments Nick couldn't take it anymore. "What?" he demanded, his eyes flying open.
Kevin flinched and stepped backwards. "I was trying to be nice. I was threatened within an inch of my life to be nice to you, so I'm trying here. So fuck off if you only want to throw attitude."
Nick sighed and bit his tongue. "I'm sorry for snapping. I have a pretty bad crick in my neck from laying on the floor but it will work out. Other than that I'm doing the best I can be in this fucked up situation."
Kevin frowned and then nodded. "I'll be ready to leave for breakfast in fifteen minutes."
Nick nodded and settled back into the couch. He really didn't have much of an appetite, but he also didn't eat much the day before either so he figured he needed to force something down. He jumped slightly as Kevin spoke from the doorway.
"Are you ready?"
Nick nodded and forced himself up off the couch to face the older man. He was struck by how handsome the other man was. If you could get past the anger and rage Kevin put out into the world, the man was downright gorgeous. Nick swallowed hard and willed himself not to react. He followed Kevin to the door. Kevin reached out and took his hand. Nick looked down at their clasped hands and then back up the other man. He swallowed again. He would not think about this. He would not think about how their hands fit together.
"Showtime." Kevin muttered as he kicked open the door and drug Nick out into the hallway.
Thankfully the hallway was quiet. They made it to the elevator with no issue and as soon as the door closed Nick breathed a sigh of relief. Not one floor down the bell in the elevator chimed alerting the men it would be stopping in the next floor. Kevin glanced at Nick quickly before reaching out and putting a hand across his shoulders, pulling the other man tightly against him. Nick started to pull away but Kevin held him tightly against his side and refused it let him move. "Don't fight me. We don't know who's getting on. This is supposed to be our big debut, remember." Kevin said harshly.
Nick nodded and resisted the urge to dart to the other side of the elevator. Snuggling up beside Kevin he laid his head on the older man's shoulder at the very moment the doors opened and other people stepped on. The couple gave them a curious look but didn't speak and Nick turned inwardly towards Kevin to hide his face. To anyone looking on it looked like two men in love who were snuggled close early in the morning. To Nick he felt like his body was going to ignite if he had to stay pushed up against the other man for any extended length of time. The floors ticked by in slow motion. Nick tried not to breathe, his senses overloaded by the scent and feel of the other man so close to him.
The elevator dinged again and the doors to the lobby opened. The couple shuffled out in front of them. Kevin followed after them, still clasping Nick's hand. The moment they stepped foot into the lobby the flashbulbs went off. Nick was used to being photographed everywhere he went but he'd never seen anything like this. There were photographers everywhere, cameras flashing and the sound of paparazzi and fans yelling their names was almost deathaning. Nick froze, slightly intemifared. He felt Kevin's hand at the small of his back, ushering him forward. "Just keep walking, it's too dangerous to just stop here." Kevin whispered as he guided Nick through the lobby and towards the entrance of the restaurant. The noise level increased as they made their way through the lobby. Once they reached the restaurant Kevin turned them around to face the crowd. Turning Nick to face him, Kevin pulled the other man close and slid his mouth gently over Nick's. Nick froze but as Kevin pulled him closer, wrapping one hand around the back of Nick's neck, Nick opened his mouth to the kiss. Kevin thrust his tongue in gently and licked the inside of Nick's mouth before pulling away. He turned to smile at the cameras before taking Nick's hand and leading him inside the restaurant.
Nick felt like he was going to combust. If it hadn't been for the gentle prodding of his movements by Kevin, Nick would have still been standing shell shocked outside the restaurant. Nick didn't think he breathed until they were seated alone in the back of the restaurant. Once their orders had been taken and they were left alone at the table, Nick wasn't sure what to say. Hell he couldn't even look at the other man. His mind was a jumble of emotions. He hoped breakfast would be over quickly, but then what? It wasn't like he could hide out in his room or probably even go out on his own. Anyway he looked at this, he was destined to be stuck with this man for quite a while. He just had to figure out how he could handle it.
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