Keep In Touch by Arok

So I won't say what I want to
'Cause I want to tell you that I want you
I think you might know it
But I know it's too early, I'm worried I'll say too much
But what if I, what if I said it?
What would go on in your head? 'Cause
I don't wanna get ahead of myself and I'm scared that I'd mess this up
So I just keep in touch
Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters: Nick, Other
Genres: None
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 4754 Read: 460 Published: 12/19/20 Updated: 12/19/20

1. Keep In Touch by Arok

Keep In Touch by Arok
Author's Notes:
Songfic based on the song "Keep in Touch" by Jake Scott
You're the talk of the party everybody wants to get you a drink

He hadn't really wanted to come out tonight. He was tired both mentally and physically and worst of all he knew he was a giant grouch. He'd thought so hard about blowing the whole thing off, opting instead to crawl into his nice warm hotel bed and forget how much work he had over the next few days and try to allow sleep to ease his mind. That had been the plan.

He'd devised it during the afternoon interview he'd done after catching himself yawning one too many times to be polite. He had apologized profusely, explaining he'd been having trouble sleeping and it was all starting to catch up with him. The woman interviewing him had been kind, understanding even. That only served to make him feel more like dog shit than he already did. After she'd left he had dropped his head in his hands and groaned as it felt like sand had been poured inside his tired eyes causing them to burn as he struggled to keep them open and keep himself upright and awake. He was dead in his feet but still had several more hours until he got a break. So he'd made a deal with himself to be able to motivate himself to continue with his engagements. If he could just make it until six, then he promised himself he would spend the entire evening kicking back and enjoying a quiet evening in the hotel. That all got blown to hell when his assistant called and told him there was an industry party that he really needed to attend. He's groaned, unable to keep his disappointment hidden. He'd tried to weasel his way out of it but she was insistent.

"Fine. I'll go. Who all is supposed to be there?"

She rattled off a list of names, each of them causing a worse grimace than the one before. That was until she said Nick's name. Justin felt his heartbeat quicken at the thought of being trapped in the same room, the same party. Suddenly the idea of being cooped up alone in his hotel room seemed ridiculous, not when he could be out and have the possibility of running into him.

He'd headed back to the hotel to shower and change his clothes, spending extra time making sure his curls fell into place just so. He didn't want the first time they'd see each other in weeks to be with him looking like a doofus with unruly hair. Once he was satisfied with the way he looked he grabbed his keys and wallet and was out the door.

The moment he'd walked into the club he'd been swallowed up by several groups of people. It didn't take long for Nick’s name to start filtering through his ears. The party was being held for artists releasing songs or albums that quarter and Nick's new song had debuted at number three and had quickly climbed to number one, exactly as Justin had predicted. He was so impressed and very proud. It was nice to be on the other side, able to blend into the crowd and hear the admiration for the other man. He hadn't gotten a glimpse of him yet though, his eyes kept scanning faces, trying desperately to lay his eyes on him but still no luck.

He saddled up to the bar and ordered a shot to calm his nerves. Downing it in one gulp he wiped his mouth and then settled down on the bar stool, hoping the height advantage would make it easier to locate the other man. He turned to the bartender and ordered a beer before settling back in the seat, propping one arm back against the bar top. He sat there for several minutes, eyes dancing from face to face. He wasn't even sure what he would do once he finally found him. It wasn't like he could do any of the things he'd been thinking, fantasizing about. Perhaps Justin could buy him a drink, sit and chat for a moment at the bar before Nick would be inevitably pulled away in one direction or another. Of course everyone would be clambering to buy him drinks or to get a second of his time. Why would Justin be any different? He sighed heavily and looked down at his glass. Suddenly the beer tasted like lead in his mouth, a clanging metallic taste he wanted rid of immediately. Putting the beer back in the bar top behind him he signaled for the bartender and asked for a bottle of water. Popping the cap he took several long gulps, trying desperately to wash away the desperation he felt.

I'm the guy overthinking every text and how much time in between

They hadn't spoken, used actual physical voices in three weeks. They had exchanged a couple of emails here or there and several text messages. It had been almost a month to the day since their last encounter, Nick pressed up against the wall of the bathroom stall in some other nameless club while Justin had folded to his knees and taken the length of him in his mouth in one quick turn of his curly head. It had been wonderful, the sounds he made filled Justin with a sense of purpose and determination he hadn't even been aware he'd been missing. Before they could do anything else, the men's room had turned into Grand Central Station and they stood pressed together trying desperately to be quiet until the coast was clear. Once they had an opening, the other man had dropped a kiss softly against Justin's lips and then was gone. Justin had stood in the stall for several moments not even sure the whole thing had happened. But he could still taste Nick in his mouth and knew, it had all been so very real.

Justin had sent the first text uneasily. He had asked Chris for the number for Howie and then had to beg Howie for Nick’s number claiming he needed help with a video game. Once he had the number in hand he sat on it for three days unsure how his message would be received. Finally he had forced himself to send a generic, hey how's it going. It took almost a day for Justin to get a reply but when he did, he had trouble wiping the ridiculous smile off his face. It wasn't even a text expressing undying love or devotion. It was a simple text asking how'd he'd been and what he had been up to, but to Justin, it was everything. He'd fretted and stewed and tried so very hard not to respond the moment he received it. He wasn't sure how the other man would respond if Justin appeared too eager.

Cause if its too fast then I show you my cards
But if hold back am I pulling too far from you
Cause I'm already in it but it's only been a couple of weeks

He knew he was over thinking all of this. He usually did. He was cool, calm, and collected to the outside world but internally he drove himself nuts thinking and overthinking every move, every action he took. Hell Nick could even think this had been nothing more than two horny drunk guys with too much time on their hands. While Justin prayed this wasn't the case, he had to be prepared for anything at this point. He really didn't want to make himself look like a fool, but he also couldn't bring himself to let the incident go either. What if Nick could possibly feel the same? What if after all of these years, the music, the lawsuits, rivalry and bullshit, what if they could finally be something? Something more than casual friends or acquaintances. Wasn’t that very though, that crazy possibility worth Justin making a fool of himself to find out?

Justin still remembered the first time he realized he wanted Nick. Justin had been sixteen and they were doing a charity basketball tournament and he went to guard the older boy and his breath had caught in his throat making it difficult to breath. Justin had stopped, right there on the court, momentarily transfixed by Nick’s beauty. Seconds later Justin had been plowed into and was sent skidding across the gym floor, smacking his head against the hard floorboards and bruising his shoulder. He had kept his eyes closed tightly to keep the tears of pain from falling as he tried to cradle his head in his hands without pulling too much on his shoulder. He felt himself being pulled into a lap and opened his eyes slowly to peer up into the most beautiful blue eyes he'd ever seen. The look of concern was not lost on Justin as the older boy pulled more of his tired body into his lap and moved Justin's hands out of the way so he could examine the place where Justin's head had connected with the floor. Justin's eyes had fluttered closed as Nick brushed his fingertips softly over the goose egg quickly forming against the side of Justin's head. "Get us some ice." Nick had barked out at the crowd that had gathered to look but not offer any other kind of assistance.

He brushed Justin's hair off his face and smiled down at him softly. "You okay? That was a pretty nasty fall. I can still hear the sound of your head connecting with the floor." he'd said softly as he studied Justin's face.

Before Justin could respond someone was handing over the bag of ice and it was placed gingerly against the knot quickly forming. "Go on without us. We're going to see if the swelling goes down then I'm going to help Justin back to his room."

Justin smiled to himself and settled back into the strong arms holding him. He'd been so comfortable, so enthralled in that moment he never wanted it to end. They had sat like that for almost a half hour before he'd been lifted to his feet and helped back to his hotel room. Once inside he had figured he would be left alone to nurse his injured head but instead the older boy had crawled into Justin’s bed, grabbing the remote for the TV and turning in cartoons. "You should probably lay down and take it easy." he'd said.

Justin had stared at him from across the room before nodding slowly, kicking off his shoes as he grew closer to the bed. He climbed up beside him and settled back into the pillows to watch the Rugrats. The smile wouldn't leave his face for several days.

Many of their meetings happened just like that one. When they were still underage and both groups would end up in the same city, they would be left at the hotel to entertain themselves while the older ones went out. They spent their time talking, playing video games or binging on junk food and cartoons. Nothing ever crossed that line that Justin so desperately wanted to tear down, but it was nice to spend time with probably the only other person on the entire planet that understood completely everything Justin was feeling and going through. No one else could possibly understand the thoughts that kept Justin awake at night. But Nick could. He was only a year older and in a lot of ways he had blazed the trail, making Justin's life, hell his whole fucking existence, easier. As they got older, they were friendly enough in public. They would end up at the same event or party and would share a few drinks, some stories, and then go their separate ways. Everything had been strictly platonic, until it wasn't.

So I won't say what I want to
Cause I want to tell you that I want you
I think you might know it
But I know it's too early and I'm worried I'll say too much
But what if I, what if I said it
What would go on in your head cause
I don't wanna get ahead of myself and I'm scared that I'd mess this up
So I just keep in touch

Justin wasn’t even sure how they had ended up in the bathroom that night. They’d been downing shots most of the evening, both trying to out pace the other and when Nick announced he needed to take a leak Justin had watched him go. Sitting there listening to the other guys chat about this and that, Justin finally grew a pair and decided to follow the older blonde. When he’d walked into the bathroom Nick was standing at the sink washing his hands. Justin didn’t speak as he stepped inside, scanning the room quickly to see that they were alone. Their eyes met in the mirror, light blue met dark blue and in that moment Justin knew he couldn’t leave the room without kissing him. He’d stood there eyes watching as Nick finished washing his hands and then grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser before turning and looking at him.

“You okay Jus?” he asked, tossing the paper into the garbage can. Nick tilted his head to the side as he studied him.

Justin hesitated before he moved closer, stopping only when he stood right in front of the other man. Nick’s eyes never left his own and throwing caution to the wind, Justin grabbed Nick by the back of the neck and pulled his mouth down to meet with his own. He felt Nick stiffen against him at first and tried to jerk away. Justin took a chance and refused to let him go, instead pulling him even closer and wrapping his left arm securely around Nick’s waist. After several moments of their lips pressed together Nick finally relaxed and began to respond. At the feeling of his acceptance Justin had melted into him, grasping for purchase as he pulled Nick as close as possible. Nick’s arms came around the smaller man as his mouth opened and moved over Justin’s. His tongue began to probe Justin’s own as he took control of the kiss. Justin felt his knees go weak and wasn’t sure how much longer he could remain upright.

A noise outside startled both men and Nick broke away from him, a look of fear crossing his gorgeous features. Not giving them a moment to think, Justin had shoved him into the last handicap stall and slammed the door behind him. Making sure it was locked, he dropped to his knees and began undoing Nick’s belt buckle. With shaky hands he managed to get the belt open and Nick’s pants unbuttoned and pulled down his thighs. Justin took a chance and glanced up at the other man. Nick was pressed back against the wall of the stall. His blonde hair was a mess and his face was deliciously flushed. He kept biting his lip, as he struggled to keep his breathing under control. It was the sexiest thing Justin had ever seen and he swallowed a moan as someone came banging into the bathroom loudly.

Before Nick could change his mind or make a sound, Justin had tugged down his boxer briefs and had taken him completely in his mouth. Nick jammed his fist against his mouth to keep from making a sound as Justin began to work him fast, sucking softly to keep the noise level down as he brought pleasure to the other man. The thrill of being caught and finally being able to be with Nick in any capacity was almost too much for Justin to hold on. As Nick came in his mouth he stifled his own groan as he came in his dress slacks, never even being touched. He had been extremely embarrassed and actually thankful when the attendance in the bathroom died down enough for Nick to slip out, but not before he’d kissed Justin softly before slipping out of the stall and leaving Justin alone in the bathroom, his own release still damp in his pants, reminding him every time he moved what had actually happened. The scene in the bathroom had given him excellent material for several nights to jack off too as he fantasized about what else they could do and all the things he could make Nick feel if they were only given the opportunity.

Now here they were in the same club again, even if he hadn’t actually laid eyes on the older man yet, he knew he was here. The thought alone was enough to put a bulge in his pants and he hoped before the evening was over he would at least get to be face to face with the blonde. He’d thought about texting Nick before he left for the party, but he wasn’t sure if that would seem too eager. Of course he wanted something to happen between them. God he’d wanted the older man for years, but he had no idea how Nick felt and the last thing he wanted to do was scare him away or ruin what little bit of friendship they had. So he just decided to play it cool, if they ran into each other and it sparked something great. They hadn’t been face to face since that night and the texts they had exchanged had been completely platonic, neither one had mentioned what had transpired in the bathroom. However them talking to each other like this at all had been directly influenced by that night, a fact he hoped wasn’t lost on Nick. He couldn’t tell him how he felt and he couldn’t comment on how it had felt to be with him, at least in some capacity. Justin thought keeping in touch was the best thing he could do to stay on Nick’s radar. Even if he had to do it as friends for now.

You're making sure our knees keep touching when you're sitting by me on the couch
Maybe I'm reading too much into the things you're not saying out loud
To tell you the truth I'm not good at this part
Afraid if I move then I'll put out the spark with you
So I'm just gonna keep it all to myself

He turned back to the bar and asked for a Jack and Coke. Digging out his wallet to hand over the bills to the bartender he jumped as a hand came down over the top of his outstretched hand. He looked up startled and felt his heart skip a beat as his eyes focused in on that famous Carter smile. “I got it.” Nick said, pushing Justin’s hands back. “Make that two Jack and Cokes.” he said, handing over his credit card. Nick leaned against the bartop next to Justin as he waited for the credit card receipt. Justin smiled softly and mumbled a thanks as he tried not to reach out and touch the blonde god beside him. He looked good. Hell good didn’t even begin to describe him. He looked fucking hot, completely fuckable in the black mesh shirt that barely covered his shoulders leaving his tattooed arms exposed. The black leather pants he wore were tight in all the right places and Justin felt his eyes focusing a little too far south of the border. His head shot up, embarrassed for ogling as Nick handed him his drink. His breath hitched as their fingers brushed against each other and he wondered if Nick had noticed.

Once Nick had his drink in hand he turned to Justin. “Let’s go to the VIP area so we can actually have a conversation.” Justin nodded and stood to follow. Nick reached back and grabbed his hand as he began ducking and weaving through the throngs of bodies pressed together. The club was packed and while Justin was sure Nick meant nothing more than making sure he didn’t get lost, he found it hard to breath at the feeling of their fingers laced so delicately together.

Once they had reached the back area of the club where the VIP section was housed Nick drug him inside. The room was smaller than Justin would have thought for the size of the club. He followed Nick to a set of couches and smiled to himself as Nick pulled him down beside him on the small leather sofa. Justin held his drink up, trying hard not to embarrass himself further by dropping the entire thing all over his lap. He laughed as Nick managed to splash some of his all over his hand. Nick raised his hand to his mouth and licked up the dark liquid running down his fingers. Justin tried not to stare, his pants stirring as that rosy pink tongue darted out and lapped up the spilt liquid from Nick’s drink. Nick hadn’t even noticed Justin’s stare and smiled at him after he had licked his hand clean. Justin smiled back and tried to settle back against the plush of the couch. Nick’s long legs were cramped up between the couch and the coffee table and every time he breathed it seemed his knee would rub against Justin’s. It was electrifying. At first Justin thought it was just something that happened by circumstance, but after a while the pressure increased and Justin’s mind started barreling forward, wondering if just maybe Nick was doing it on purpose.

As they drank their drinks they talked about sports, Nick’s single and their fellow bandmates. It was just like it always was with them, the ease of them slipping back into casual conversation was something Justin loved about spending time with the other man. No matter what was going on in either of their lives. It seemed like they could always come back together, come back just like this and pick up like no time had passed between them at all. Justin figured that was one of the things that made him fall for Nick in the first place. The easiness of their friendship was comforting and Justin was convinced that if they could ever get out of the friend zone, that a relationship between them would not only give them this same level of comfort but also an incredible level of pleasure. He just wished he could get Nick to realize that without damaging their friendship. He had decided a long time ago that any amount of Nick in his life was better than none at all and he constantly found himself too scared to make another move for risk of losing Nick all together. He wished that Nick would do something, give him some kind of sign that maybe Justin's feelings weren’t completely one sided.

I don't wanna have to play this game
But I don't wanna wait til it's too late
Don't wanna speak too soon scare you away
But I'm not sure if you feel the same

Neither of them mentioned the kisses or their last meeting. Justin congratulated him on his success and they got involved with talking about producers and dream songwriters they would love to work with. At some point in the conversation Nick had thrown his arm across the back of the couch and Justin had leaned in slightly too far, his head resting against Nick’s outstretched arm. It had happened so innocently that Justin hadn’t even realized at first, but once he had, and also in turn realized that Nick wasn’t trying to move away he had even shifted a little closer. Now instead of only their knees touching, their thighs were also nicely pressed against each other. Once again, Nick made no motion to move and Justin smiled inwardly.

He was no better than one of the screaming fans who fantasized about having a Backstreet Boy in their beds. He couldn’t help himself. The need and want he felt for the blonde kept growing and it was beginning to get suffocating. He bit his lip to keep his mouth shut as he watched Nick animatedly talking about his experience recording his song. The way his baby blue eyes lit up when he discussed something he was passionate about was almost too much for Justin. Nick’s bottom lip was wet and rosy from the alcohol and their conversation and he wanted nothing more than to lean over and take the lip into his mouth right there in front of God and everybody else. But he refrained, knowing now was not the time or place, but he could still dream about it. He tried really hard to pay attention to the actual words coming out of Nick’s mouth but the longer he sat there pressed so close against him, the harder he got and his mind kept drifting to all kinds of dirty things they could do together if only they were alone somewhere and not sitting here on a couch in front of a room of people.

Nick’s eyes twinkled as he gazed at Justin. “You didn’t hear a word I just said, did you?” he smirked.

Justin blinked a couple of times before focusing in on what Nick had said. He felt his face flush with embarrassment and thought quickly to hide the desire that he was sure was written all over his face. “I’m sorry Nick. I am so tired. I almost blew this whole thing off but then I found out...that you would be here and I decided to come anyway.”

Nick’s expression softened and a small smile crossed his lips. He reached out and placed his hand over top of Justin’s own where it sat on his knee. “You came because of me?”

The blush grew deeper. This was not going the way he wanted. “Well...I mean...I knew it wouldn’t be a total waste of an evening if I had the chance to run into you.”

Nick looked at him for another minute, his expression changing again to something Justin didn’t recognize. Before he could amend his statement, make it sound less stalkerish but also caring, they were interrupted.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Kevin pushed through the group of people in front of the couch and stood in front of the pair. He glanced from one to the other before his gaze settled on Nick. “Hey Justin,” he said, throwing a greeting at the younger man. Justin nodded and said hello.

Nick didn’t move his gaze from the younger blonde for a moment or his hand from Justin’s knee, just continued to stare with the quizzical look on his face, like he was trying to figure out a complex math problem using Legos and fruit snacks. He shook his head slowly before turning to look at Kevin. “What’s up Kev?”

“You’re needed out here, there’s a couple of producers who want to talk to you about possibilities for your record.” Kevin said, glancing down at his watch.

Nick nodded. “Just give a sec, okay Kev?” he asked, a pointed look on his face. Kevin looked between them again, a silent message passing between the youngest and oldest bandmates before Kevin nodded and excused himself. Justin watched him go, unsure of what just happened and saddened that his time with Nick had quickly come to an end.

Nick gave one final squeeze to Justin’s knee before removing his hand. Nick stood up to follow Kevin out of the room. Stopping suddenly, he turned back and fixed his eyes on Justin. “Text me okay, we’ll talk?” his eyes held a look of questioning. Justin nodded, praying his voice wouldn’t betray him as he answered. “Yeah, I’ll keep in touch.”

No, I don't say what I want to
Cause I want to tell you that I want you
I think you might know it
But I know it's too early and I'm worried I'll say too much
But what if I, what if I said it
What would go on in your head cause
I don't wanna get ahead of myself and I'm scared that I'd mess this up
So I just keep in touch...
End Notes:
Should there be a sequel?
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