Hi, it’s me, Nick.... Nick Carter. Well, at least that’s what they tell me my name is. I’ve been living here at SunValley Hosptial for almost two years now. I don’t remember much of my life before this, only what I’ve been told.

The people here are pretty nice. They give me things to do like arts and crafts and we go on walks and watch movies and television. I never get to go out on my own and I never get to leave here, but that’s okay because I don’t think I would know where to go or what to do if I was left by myself.

It’s kinda funny what they told me about me. You know how you always dream of being someone famous like those people on tv or in the movies? They tell me that I was someone famous. Yeah, right, me? No way! I’m just an average kid. Period.

They told me I have a mom and a dad and a brother and three sisters. I would tell you their names, but I don’t remember them right now. I guess they have come to visit me, but I’m only telling you what they tell me.

I’m suppose to write about the things I remember until I get better. Let me tell you this, the letter they are expecting from me is gonna be pretty short cause I don’t remember anything about my life before SunValley.

I have to go now, Victor is standing in my door waiting to take me down to see Lisa for my therapy session. Like I said, I can’t go anywhere on my own. I get lost too easily. I will write more when I get back from session. They told me they were gonna hypnotize me.

Bye for now.

“AJ, you are an asshole! God, just leave me the fuck alone, okay? I know what I’m doing and who the fuck died and made you boss anyway?” Nick yelled when AJ McLean grabbed the partially empty bottle of Jack Daniels that was setting on the nightstand in Nick’s hotel suite.

“Yeah Nick, I’m an asshole, but this asshole also knows you’re getting yourself into some pretty heavy shit,” he rasped as he walked towards the bathroom with the bottle.

“Just cause you couldn’t handle alcohol doesn’t mean that I can’t, you fucker!”

“Well I can tell by your agressive anger that you’ve got things under control Nick,” AJ stated in a calm voice as he poured the contents of the bottle down the drain.

Nick glared as he watched AJ pour the whiskey out. Sticking his middle finger up he gritted his teeth. “Go...to....hell!”

“Thanks, I plan on it,” was AJ’s reply as he smiled at his younger Backstreet brother. “I’ll be in the room down the hall if you need anything.”

Once the door was closed, Nick grabbed his wallet and tucked it in the back pocket of his jeans. He swayed momentarily as he reached for his white ball cap. Stepping out into the hall, Nick didn’t care if anyone was waiting for him, he wanted to go to the hotel bar and there wasn’t anyone that could stop him if they wanted to.

“Yo, Nick, where you going?”

Never hesitating in his steps, Nick recognized the voice as one of the guys from detail and shot back, “Downstairs for a drink.”

“You can’t go unescorted, I’ll go with you,” Juan offered.

“Nope, don’t need any detail,” Nick tried to wave off the man.

“Well then I’m coming down with you as a friend then, is that okay?”

“Suit yourself, but I ain’t buying you any drinks that’s your own business,” Nick spat as he punched the button for the elevator.

“That’s fine with me, can you wait for me to get my wallet?”

Nick grinned, but there was no joy behind the smile. “Sure thing Juan.”

“Okay, thanks, back in a sec.”

The elevator bell chimed as the car reached the floor.

“I’ll hold the elevator,” Nick called out as he stepped in. Smiling maliciously, Nick pressed the close door button and then selected the button for the hotel lobby. “Hold my ass, Juan,” Nick muttered under his breath.

The hotel lounge was crowded but Nick didn’t care. He wanted to get away from AJ and anything that had to do with Backstreet. Kevin was getting on his case, AJ was getting on his case, hell, even management was on his case, Nick thought.

Trying his best to walk towards the bar in a normal fashion, Nick pushed through the crowd and took a seat in an empty booth. Several young girls that were seated at a table directly across from Nick smiled and waved. Forcing his ‘award winning Backstreet grin’ Nick waved back. He didn’t feel like being sociable with fans, but no matter where he was, he always had to be ‘on duty’ and he couldn’t just relax and be himself.

“Hi Nick, what’s your pleasure tonight?”

“How about a couple Jack and Cokes?” Nick smiled and then narrowed his eyes as he tried to read the server’s name plate.

“It’s Ravana,” she winked.

“It’s blurry to me so I’ll take your word for it,” Nick joked. He mentally cursed himself for taking his contacts out earlier because the bar was blurry.

“A couple?” Ravana asked curiously. “Are you waiting for someone to be joining you?”

Taking a breath to calm down before he exploded into a tantrum, Nick pasted a smile on his face and answered in a tense voice, “Just bring the drinks, okay?”

Although Ravana didn’t personally know Nick, she could tell he wasn’t in the mood to be questioned about his drinks and the amount he ordered. “Back in a sec then.”

Glancing towards the entrance, Nick saw Juan standing in the doorway.

He slouched down into his seat, turning his ball cap forward and lowering the bill over his forehead. “Awe fuck.”

His tatics didn’t work and Juan rushed over to the booth and slid in. “Hey, I thought you were gonna wait for me, man.”

Straightening back up in his seat and flipping his ball cap backwards, Nick shrugged his shoulders.

The waitress returned with two drinks on her serving tray. “Nine fifty.”

Nick gave the girl a crisp fifty. “Keep ‘em coming til this runs out.”

“I’ll have a Kilian’s,” Juan stated.

“He pays for his own,” Nick spat out quickly.

Ravana nodded slightly. “Okay, back in a sec.”

“Keep it coming til the fifty is gone? Isn’t that a little excessive?” Juan questioned.

Nick looked around the bar. Juan followed Nick’s direction and looked as well.

“Funny Juan, I don’t see my mom around here,” Nick remarked and took a generous swallow from the glass.

“No, I’m just saying, the drinks are $4.75 each and if you gave her a fifty, that means you’d be drinking close to ten drinks of that stuff.”

“Jack and cokes and you’re not my fuckin’ babysitter and I don’t really give a flying fuck about how many drinks that comes to. Aren’t you supposed to be hovering over fuckin’ Littrell?”

“Well, he’s in bed sleeping, like the rest of the guys. I just wanted a drink too, what’s the harm?”

“The fuckin’ harm is that you’re not my detail, Mike is sleeping and you should be too. If you’re gonna sit here, then be a nice bodyguard and mind your own damn business!” Nick said darkly.

Juan sat back into the booth and never said another word to his charge. He was there with Nick as a friend, but his true main reason for being there was to keep Nick safe from others as well as from himself. All of the men from detail had noticed that since Nick had turned twenty-one, the club scene was becoming more and more a priority on his list. Sometimes it got a little out of hand and they were usually able to remove Nick from situations before they became serious.

Jay had been Nick’s assigned detail from the time he started Backstreet and had done a good job of keeping him in line. Once Jay started ‘overstepping his boundries’ and tried to stop Nick from clubbing and being intoxicated in public view, Nick fired the man and hired his friend Mike as his personal detail.

All of the men knew from the beginning that this was a poor choice on Nick’s behalf because of Mike’s history of clubbing and women. Nick was falling into the snares and it was becoming a monthly story on the internet and in the tabloids.

Juan breathed a sigh of relief when the waitress set a drink down in front of Nick and told him that this was the last drink of the night as the bar was closing in ten minutes. By this time Nick’s coordination was the worst Juan had ever seen. Nick was slouched down in his seat and half of the drink wound up on his shirt instead of his mouth. Nick’s hat was now cocked to the side and his voice was loud when he spoke.

”Juan.....you little fucker!” Nick slurred loudly, a grin cocked on his face.

Juan didn’t reply, he sat and listened to Nick’s drunken rambling.

”What the fuck am I gonna do with you? You fuckin son of a bitch!” Nick stated as he reached across the table and slapped the man on the side of his face with an open hand. As Nick brought his arms back, he knocked his drink over and the contents poured onto the table and then to his shirt, his pants and finally the floor.

”Awe shit! Ravana....RAAAVAANNNNNAAAA!”

“Nick, the bar is closing, how about we just get you back to your room, okay?” Juan asked as he scooted out of his seat and stood up next to Nick, grabbing his arm.

Sitting in the booth, Nick’s head was bobbing and his eyes were slowing opening and closing.

“Yo, dude, let’s get you back up to your room before you pass out,” Juan coaxed.

Nick slid out of the booth to follow Juan and without warning, fell forward hitting a table with his left side. Several bar patrons rushed over to see Nick stand up and laugh it off. He hurt his left arm when he fell, but he played it off. “It’s okay, nothing to see here,” he slurred and laughed at his own expense.

“Did you hurt yourself?” Juan asked as he led Nick out of the club.

“Nah,” Nick lied. He could tell something wasn’t right with his arm but he was too numb to tell at the moment.

“I bet you broke your hand, look at how it’s starting to swell!”

Nick glanced down at his left hand. It was noticeably swollen. “Nah, it’s just fat...fat...fat!” He started to laugh again and nearly took Juan down when he started to lean on the man for support in walking to the elevators.

Juan was having a hard time holding Nick up as he was starting to become dead weight. “Please guys, no pictures,” Juan begged as camera flashes were going off around them as they waited for the elevator. “Please?”

Juan was a little happier when the elevator finally arrived and he had to beg Nick to help him walk onto the elevator. The doors almost closed on them once and one time almost catching them in between.

“Got your room card Nick?”

“Yah in the back pocket,” Nick slurred.

Juan propped Nick against the wall and ackwardly reached into the his back pocket.

“Queer much?” Nick growled.

“Just getting your card ready for you,” Juan defended. “Come on, this is our floor.”

Leaning along the wall for support, Nick slowly made his way to the door, holding his left hand up gingerly.

Juan slipped the card into the slot and then held the door open for Nick and handed him the card back. “There you go, do you need anymore help?”

Nick waved his good hand in the air as he continued to stagger into the hotel room.

“Okay. You better have that hand checked out in the morning,” Juan advised. No answer came back from Nick as he threw himself ontop of the bed. Juan pulled the door shut and shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t get paid enough for this bullshit,” he mumbled to himself.

Nick laid on the bed for a few moments, trying to get his stomach to stop flipping and the room to stop spinning. His left hand was hurting him and he was getting a headache. Juan had left him roughly ten minutes ago and Nick was glad to be freed from Juan’s scrutanizing eyes.

Standing up, Nick took two steps backwards and fell back onto the bed. Putting his hand to his head he was hoping the dizziness would go away.

“What the fuck did I have to drink? Oh yeah, ha ha funny Carter,” Nick mused. “I gotta get rid of this headache.”

Stumbling to the bathroom, Nick grabbed the leather pouch that contained all of his medications. He opened it up and dumped the contents onto the counter. Due to the state he was in coupled with his left hand hurting, it was hard for him to manage the tops to the bottles. He grabbed what he thought was tylenol and popped the lid off and dumped the container out onto the counter. Grabbing three of the large white oval shaped pills, he put them in his mouth and quickly filled a glass of water and took several large gulps.

Nick then decided that he was getting a migraine headache and he grabbed the bottle he assumed was his migraine meds and poured them out onto the counter ontop of the other pills that were laying out.

“Well shit!” he muttered and then squinted as he tried to figure out which pills were which. He grabbed three of what he thought were the migraine meds and swallowed them with the rest of the water that was in the glass. Trying to set the glass back on the counter, Nick missed it’s intended target and the glass fell to the floor shattering into several jagged shards.

“Oops,” Nick laughed as he stumbled back to his bed. Pulling at the covers, he thew himself into the bed, fully clothed, hat still on and passed out.

“Where the hell is that kid?” Kevin questioned as he glanced at his watch again.

AJ turned the page of the newspaper he was reading, and shook his head. “Well, I suppose little Nick is probably nursing one hell of a hangover this morning.”

Brian’s head shot up. “You were out clubbing with Nick last night?”

Lowering the paper, AJ peered at Brian. “Why do you automatically assume I was out clubbing just because Nick has a hangover?”

Brian sighed loudly. “Nevermind.”

“No, seriously, why would you assume that?” AJ pressed.

“Because, dumbass, you have a history of clubbing,” Howie pointed out.

“That, my friend, was last year. Nick’s little pal Mikey seems to be the fan of the clubs now and he can’t say no to his boss, so if Nick wants to go to the bars, Nick goes to the bars! Leave me out of this man!”

Kevin wasn’t accepting AJ’s excuse. He pulled the paper out of his grasp.

”HEY WHAT THE HELL!” AJ yelled as the paper ripped.

“Spill it! How the hell do you know then that Nick has a hangover?” Kevin asked in a calm, even tone.

AJ looked at the faces in the room, all focused on his own face. “I know he has a hangover because I busted him last night drinking JD in his room.”

“Who was with him beside you then?” Brian questioned.

“I was the only person in there and he was pretty shitfaced when I found him.”

“So you let him drink?” Kevin asked, his green eyes nearly piercing through AJ’s eyes.

“No, dumbass, I took the half empty bottle and dumped it down the sink after some arguing with the boy. He was pissed but I told him he had had enough to drink for a day and then I left.”

“You left?” Howie, Brian and Kevin questioned in unison.

AJ glanced around the room and shifted in his seat nervously. “Yeah, I left, why?”

Kevin jumped up from his chair and punched some numbers into the phone. “Yeah, I need someone to go down to Nick’s room and bring him to 638.” After slamming the reciever back onto the cradle, Kevin turned around quickly to face AJ. “Because, YOU, yourself told us that Nick was shitfaced. On JD of all things! Hard liquor! Are you that stupid to leave him alone?”

“Kev, take it easy--” Howie pleaded.

Kevin ran his hands through his hair and shook his head.

Juan sighed as he hung up after speaking with Kevin Richardson. He glanced warily over at Mike, Nick’s bodyguard, sound asleep, snoring loudly.

“Mikey, get your fat ass up, Carter needs to be brought down to room 638, he’s late!”

“Mmmphf?” Mike snorted and then rolled over.

Shaking his head, Juan slipped his room card in his shirt pocket, grabbed his two way radio and stepped out into the hall. Just as he anticipated, there were dozens of girls wandering up and down the hallway, no doubt in search of one of the guys. “Good hotel security,” Juan mumbled as he headed down the hall towards Nick’s room.

Standing at the door, Juan gently knocked at first. He waited a few moments for some type of sound or acknowledgement from the other side. He didn’t want to call out Nick’s name only because it would attract attention. “Judas, I wish those girls would clear the floor,” Juan scowled as he spoke under his breath.

He knocked a second time, but it was firmer than the last.

“Comeon...comeon, what the hell,” Juan mumbled as he kept looking over his shoulders waiting for the roaming girls to start getting clued in to what Juan was doing.

Desperate, Juan took his fist and started banging on the door. “Wake up buddy, you’re late!” he yelled into the closed door, not caring about the stares from the crowd that was starting to drift closer to the closed door.

Juan realized he had no other choice when he clicked on the two way radio. He spoke in a slow, concise manner into the speaker. “Yeah, I need security with a master key to room 716 immediately, there’s something wrong.” Juan turned his back to the door and leaned against it, sighing.

“Who’s door is that?” a young girl that was obviously a Backstreet fan - her shirt adorned with the names of the boys as well as their faces - bravely asked.

Juan didn’t answer the girl, he just glanced her way and then returned his gaze to the ceiling.

“Is it one of their rooms?” another girl demanded, a mixture of exitement and fear etched on her face.

“It’s one of the band members rooms,” Juan lied, well it was half a lie, Nick was in the band.

“Well, what’s wrong?”

“How about all of you go back to your own little rooms, I’m sure your mommies and your daddies are looking for your asses,” Juan hissed.

A few of the young girls in the crowd immediately turned away and ran from Juan. Several remained, arms folded across their chests, feet firmly planted on the floor.

Thankfully, before things became too ugly, a man dressed in a navy blue polo shirt and tan pants entered the hall from the stairwell at the end of the hall. He rushed quickly to where Juan and the group of girls were standing and pulled out his pass card from the set of cards that were attached to a heavy silver chain.

Slipping the card into the slot and pushing the door partway open, the man announced loudly, “Hotel security.”

Juan and the man from hotel security cautiously entered Nick’s room. The room was dark and both men were uncertain of what they were going to find. They saw Nick laying diagonally across the king size bed, fully dressed.

Once he was closer to Nick and saw that his lips were blue and the color drained from his face, Juan started to slap Nick’s face and shout his name over and over.

“We need an ambulance up to room 716 stat! Man unconscious!” the hotel security man shouted into his two way.

“Oh fuck,” Juan shouted. “NICK!”

“Kev, would you just stop with the pacing, I’m sure Nick will be down here in a few, you called detail, they’ll bring him,” Brian soothed, growing tired of watching his cousin pace the floor and sigh loudly every three to four steps.

Kevin raked a hand through his dark hair, shaking his head. “I don’t know why or how come that kid has gotten so irresponsible.” He stopped in midstep and turned a hardened glare at AJ. “And you of all people should know better than to leave someone drunk by themselves!”

A slight grin played across AJ’s mouth.

“I’M SERIOUS! IT’S NOT FUNNY!”

“God, wouldja just chill? Judas, you’d think that Nicky drank the whole bar! I’m sure he’ll be down here with a full blown hangover trying to act like there’s nothing wrong. God.”

“Besides that, we can mess with his head since he’ll have a beautiful headache,” Howie offered.

Just as Kevin opened his mouth to reply, a firm knock came from the hall door. He looked at Brian and AJ, his eyebrow raised in question.

“Kid’s probably too scared to just walk in,” AJ snickered as he walked over to answer the door.

“Yo Nickster, how’s the....” AJ stopped the interrogation when the door was fully open and he saw Bruce from management with a Ohio State Police Trooper.

Bruce stood inside the doorway, face ashen. After a few moments, the Trooper closed the door behind them.

“Mr. Carter was taken to Riverside Methodist Hospital,” the trooper stated in a hushed business-like tone.

“What for?” AJ rasped. Thoughts of alcohol poisoning drifting into his mind as well as Kevin’s, Brian’s and Howie’s.

“Overdose,” came the reply.

Brian gasped, AJ shook his head and Howie looked as if he was in a state of shock.

“Overdose of alcohol?” AJ asked in a quiet voice, fearing that this could have been prevented if he had stayed with Nick.

Pulling out a notepad, the officer shook his head.

“We need to go to him!” Brian stated as he stood up.

“Sit down,” the officer ordered. “I have a few questions to ask before you go anywhere.”

AJ stood up and started moving towards the door.

“I said to sit down!” the officer growled.

“This is assinine! Why can’t we go to the hospital? You can’t make us sit in the room because you just can’t!” AJ rambled, frustration evident in his voice.

“Because, when we suspect a sucide attempt, we need to question everyone that was with the individual,” the man replied. Gesturing with his pen he pointed at the chair that AJ had stood up from. “Now, sit down!”

AJ took his seat again, folding his arms across his chest.

“Suicide? Not Nick, no way,” Howie shook his head.

“What are they thinking he overdosed on?” Kevin asked quietly.

“Are you that stupid? No one tries to kill themselves on JD,” AJ glared at the policeman.

Kevin shot a warning look at AJ.

“We’re believing narcotics. The crime unit is in the room taking evidence.”

Brian looked at the faces of everyone in the room, tears brimming in his eyes. “How is he.... is he...”

“He’s alive, that’s all I know at this point,” the officer stated grimly.

Doctor Kylie Walters stretched out lazily on the couch in the doctor’s lounge, enjoying the rare moment of peace and quiet she’d gotten since she began work last night. She had been pulling double shifts - not acceptable by hospital policies - but being a resident, she needed to log the hours so she could graduate.

The trauma unit at Riverside hadn’t been been busy the night before and with it being the beginning of a new day, Kylie was planning on it being calm. As she rested her head back and closed her eyes, the crackling of the medchannel intercom sliced through the quiet of the lounge.

“Echo 103 to Riverside Memorial, how do you copy?”

“Well shit,” Kylie moaned as she sat up and listened to the trauma unit nurse answer the call.

“This is Riverside, go ahead.”

With sounds of the ambulance siren blaring in the background, Kylie could detect the nervousness in the paramedic’s voice.

“Riverside, this is paramedic Steve Warren, inbound to your facility with a twenty-two year old male, found unconscious and unresponsive this morning, do you copy?”

“We copy, go ahead,” the nurse encouraged.

“Chief complaint is possible overdose, not sure of substance.”

Kylie sighed and shook her head. “Probably upset over losing a girlfriend. Just great.”

“Vitals are: patient is diaphoretic, respirations, 8 and shallow, pulse is 50, bp is 88/52, pulse ox on scene was 88, we have an iv established tko, nasal canula at 3 liters, if there isn’t anything else further, we’ll see in approx 3-5.”

“Okay, Riverside el6298 out.”

Quickly tying her long blond hair back into a ponytail, Dr. Walters walked at a fast pace to the trauma unit, praying silently that senior resident, Dr. Martinez wasn’t too far behind.

Dr. Walters rounded the corner as the ambulance crew was guiding the gurney into trauma room 3. The nurse that was working with Kylie had been a trauma nurse for over thirty years, so she had already called for lab, radiology and cardio once the call came in. It was now up to Kylie to access the patient and start barking orders to the staff.

“How long down?” she asked as she helped transfer the patient onto the emergency room cart.

“Not sure, last time patient was seen was approximately 2:45 this morning,” the paramedic replied. “On three! One...two....three.”

Kylie glanced up at the clock on wall. “Shit, that could be over six hours ago then. Did they find anything with him?”

Another person from the ambulance crew handed over a bag that contained vials of prescription pills. “Not sure what he took.”

Kylie glanced at the paramedic. “Well, I can tell he had been drinking with whatever he took.”

She knew that this could complicate matters for the patient. She stepped back and let cardio put EKG tags on the patient’s chest and turn on the monitor. She turned to the nurse and told her to prepare activated charcoal to be admisintered through a gastric tube.

“Patient have a name?” the doctor asked as she flipped a pen light into one of the patient’s eyes.

“Nick Carter.”

Kylie hesitated with the light for a moment as she gazed at the patient’s face. “Backstreet Boy? Great, so we have a high PR case now, just wonderful,” she breathed. “Any family coming?”

“Not that we’re aware of,” the paramedic replied.

The doctor shook her head, this was something she didn’t like having to deal with - a patient with an unknown medical history. She turned to Nurse Ellison. “I need you to call where they picked him up from and have someone give me some med hist stat!”

“Yes doctor.”

The doctor sighed as she looked at Nick’s sluggish pupil reactions. “What did you take Nick?”

It was 2:00 in the afternoon before Brian, Howie, AJ and Kevin were released from the questioning about Nick. After piecing the evidence together, the crime lab determined that this appeared to be a probable accidental overdose and no crime had been committed.

Ignoring the Authorized Personnel Only signs on the heavy metal swinging doors, the foursome walked up to the nurse’s station in the ICU ward of the hospital.

“Nick Carter’s room?” Kevin asked in a quiet, level tone.

The woman looked at the men standing before her. She knew that this would be coming and was told of a private family waiting room that had been reserved for them. She got up from her chair and asked them to follow her. As she was expecting, the men balked at the result of being led to a waiting room.

“Dammit, what room is he in?” AJ snapped.

“Please wait here, I’ll send someone to talk with you,” she replied, pasting a nervous smile on her face.

This time it was AJ that paced the floor. Howie and Brian quietly took a set in the small waiting room, Kevin stood in the doorway.

Moments later, a young woman dressed in dark green scrubs appeared in the door. "Hi, I'm Nick's day nurse Jackie, since he's in ICU I can bend the rules and only allow two of you to follow me at a time and you can stay for a few minutes and then you have to leave."

Kevin gestured to AJ and Brian as the first to go to see Nick. He wanted to go in first himself, but he knew that AJ was clearly adgitated and felt guilty about what had happened to Nick.

"Is he awake?" AJ questioned as he followed the nurse down the hall.

The nurse hesitated and then stopped, turning to face the two men. "Oh, I'm taking it you haven't spoke with a doctor about him yet?" She could literally see the color drain from Brian's face. "He's in a coma."

Brian swallowed nervously. "For how long?"

Jackie placed a hand on Brian's arm and lightly rubbed it, hoping to calm him down. "We don't know for sure."

Stopping outside of ICU room number six, Brian and AJ exchanged nervous glances at each other. Both men fearing what they were going to find. Brian saw the tears sliding out from underneath AJ’s sunglasses.

“Shit,” AJ mumbled as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. He took the initial step and pushed the door open to Nick’s room and stopped suddenly once he crossed the threshold, mouth agape.

“Oh god,” Brian cried quietly as he took in the surreal scene that laid before them.

Both men took hesitant steps toward the bed where their bandpartner lay, standing side by side as they gazed upon Nick’s pale, quiet body. The only sound in the room was the constant hiss of the respirator that was attached by tubing that went into Nick’s mouth, held in place with white surgical tape and the constant ping of the EKG monitor next to the head of the bed.

Brian cupped Nick’s hand in his, surprised at how cool it felt against his palm. He took his thumb and rubbed the top of Nick’s hand in a circular motion as he stood, tears splashing downward.

“Nick, god, you said you had it under control,” AJ rasped. “You should have told me....” He stopped when he was overwhelmed with emotion, sinking down and burying his face into Nick’s shoulder.

Brian placed a hand on AJ’s shoulder. “Shhh, Aje, it wasn’t your fault, it was an accident,” he soothed.

AJ shook his head no quickly, over and over. “No, it wouldn’t have....” AJ stopped talking as he tried to calm his voice down, “it wouldn’t have happened if I had stayed with him, it’s all my fault.”

“Please, don’t blame yourself, it was an accident,” Brian pleaded.

AJ slowly stood up, still shaking his head. He reached out and stroked Nick’s cheek. “God, you’re such a dumbass.”

Both men continued to stand at the bed, staring down at Nick. Each silently praying that this nightmare would end.

“Nick, wake up,” Brian cried.

“I’m sorry, but you must go back down to the waiting room,” a nurse softly asked AJ and Brian.

AJ leaned down and kissed Nick on the cheek. “I’ll be back, hang on Frack.”

Brian squeezed Nick’s hand and smoothed the young man’s bangs away from his forehead. “Love you, I’m praying for you,” he whispered.

Brian and AJ followed the nurse back to the waiting area, both feeling as if they had been punched in the stomach. They were met with an anxious Howie and Kevin at the door. Both looked at the two with expectant faces but neither one asked any questions, fearing the answer.

As Kevin and Howie entered the ICU room, they were followed in by a young resident medical student that walked around them and started busying himself with charting Nick’s progress and checking the machines and IV’s that surrounded Nick.

Watching the doctor lift one of Nick’s eyelids and shine a penlight into a motionless blue eye, Kevin decided now was the time to press for answers.

“Why is he in a coma?”

Wordlessly, the doctor continued with the other eye and then flipped open a chart and scribbled something hastily down.

“We need answers,” Kevin pressed.

Sighing, the resident slapped the chart closed and laid it on the bedstand. He took his glasses off and slipped them into the front pocket on his white lab coat. “Are you familiar with the Karen Ann Quinlan case?”

Kevin’s brow furrowed and he glanced over at Howie to see if he had a clue to what the doctor was asking. “The what?”

“The Karen Ann Quinlan case.”

Kevin narrowed his eyes at the young doctor. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

The man sighed once again. “Back in 1975, there was a 21 year old woman named Karen Ann Quinlan---”

“And how the hell would this apply to Nick?” Kevin interrupted.

“Let him finish,” Howie requested as he placed a calming hand on Kevin’s arm.

The physician waited for Kevin to calm down before he started speaking again. “Okay, back in 1975, Karen was at a bar and was drinking liquor and was also taking tranquilizers.”

“Okay, I still don’t follow this,” Kevin stated, folding his arms across his chest.

“Kevin, she drank and took meds, just like Nick did,” Howie pointed out.

“She came out of the coma though, right?” Kevin asked hopefully.

The young resident sadly shook his head. “No, she never woke up. She died from pneumonia in 1985.” The resident could see the despair in the two men’s faces. “But that was 1985, medicine is different now. Things can be different.”

Kevin looked down at Nick laying peacefully in the bed. “So how much time until he comes out of this then?”

The doctor shrugged his shoulders. “Not sure, but every day the patient is in this coma works against him.”

Howie shook his head as he watched as Kevin paced the floor in the private waiting room off from ICU. “Kev, you’re gonna wear the floor out, sit down,” he stated in a calm, soothing voice.

Kevin practically threw himself into the chair. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, folding his hands together and then sat back quickly, running a hand through his hair.

Brian glanced at Howie and the his cousin, debating on asking why he was so restless although he already knew the answer. As Kevin leaned forward again, Brian reached out and rubbed the man’s back.

Gripping the armrests, Kevin pulled imself out of the chair and smoothed the wrinkles from his pants. “I’m gonna go down and check in on Nick.”

“When you do, send AJ back here, he needs to take care of himself,” Brian advised.

“I know...I know,” Kevin drawled. “But the question is, will AJ take my advice?”

Kevin sighed as he left the room. Smiling, Brian shrugged his shoulders.

Kevin tucked his hands into his front pockets as he trudged down the dimly lit hallway towards the ICU wing. He had gone down this path several times over the course of the last seventeen hours, as well as the rest of the guys, taking their turns to check in on Nick, but AJ had remained in Nick’s room, refusing to leave.

Taking a deep breath, Kevin slowly pushed the door open to Nick’s room. AJ was sitting next to the bed, cradling Nick’s hand, Mtv on the television set that was perched on a ceiling platform in the far corner of the room.

“Any change?” Kevin asked as he approached the bed.

With his head bowed, AJ shook, “no.”

“Hey, why don’t you take a break, I’ll sit here with Nick,” Kevin offered.

AJ looked up, the trademark glasses off, his eyes red rimmed. “I can’t leave,” he stated, his voice barely audible, flat and emotionless.

“Yes you can, I’m sure Nick is probably getting sick of you sitting here crying,” Kevin joked, trying to lighten the mood.

AJ shook his head again.

“AJ, don’t do this to yourself, you’re not doing Nicky any favors by beating yourself up over this,” Kevin begged.

Staring at Nick, AJ replied. “If I hadn’t left him alone the first time, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Kevin clamped a hand on AJ’s shoulder. “God, it’s not your fault, it was an accident!”

“No, nothing you can say will make me change my mind, I should have never have left him, it’s my fault, it’s all my fault---”

AJ broke down, sobbing into Nick’s shoulder. Kevin reached out and put a hand on the man’s back, trying to comfort him. After a few moments, AJ finally managed to calm down and neither on spoke as they numbly looked at their younger brother.

Just as Kevin was beginning to ask AJ to take a break, the door swooshed open and Nick’s nurse entered the room, armed with various supplies. “Hi, I need to do some evals and bathe the patient, I’m going to have to ask you two to leave the room.”

Kevin managed a tight smile as he looked down at AJ. “Now you don’t have a choice but to leave. Come on, I’ll buy you some coffee.”

Reluctantly, AJ stood up, but before he left his friend, he leaned down and smoothed the hair off of Nick’s forehead. “I’ll be back in a bit buddy.”

AJ shifted uncomfortably in his chair as Nick’s family filtered into the private waiting room. His mind was wracked with guilt no matter how many times Kevin, Howie and Brian tried to convince AJ that it wasn’t his fault, he decided otherwise. Now he had Nick’s family to face and the lump that was stuck in his throat from holding back tears was burning.

As he looked at Aaron, his heart skipped a beat. Here was “Mini Nick” sitting directly across from him, a constant reminder of the happy-go-lucky kid that Nick had always been. Aaron and his sisters weren’t told of the specifics of what was wrong with Nick; none of the Carter’s had been told, but only to come to the hospital.

“This must be bad,” Angel sighed as she stared at her feet, tears starting to slide down her cheeks.

“Why do you say that sweetheart?” Brian asked in a soft voice.

“Cause all of you guys are here together in this room, you wouldn’t be staying here if it wasn’t bad,” she paused for a moment as she wiped the tears from her eyes, “and we wouldn’t be here either,” she added.

“What exactly wrong with Nick?” BJ questioned.

None of the men answered her question, they sat in an akward silence.

”Well?” BJ demanded icily.

“Let’s just wait until your parents come back to talk to you,” Kevin suggested.

“It is bad news!” Angel cried out.

The tension was thick in the air, each person was lost in their thoughts. Aaron stared straight ahead and slowly rocked his body back and forth, BJ held Leslie’s hand while Brian had a comforting arm around Angel.

When Nick’s parents entered the room, all expentant eyes were focused on the distraught looking couple. AJ suddenly sprung up from his seat and nearly knocked them over as he ran from the waiting room. Howie quickly excused himself as he left to go after AJ.

“It doesn’t look good,” Bob Carter managed to say before he broke down and started crying.

Kevin and Brian remained in the room while Nick’s parents explained his condition to the kids. After they finished, Brian added, “We have to remain hopeful. Things will work out.”

It had been two weeks since that awful morning that drastically changed the lives of five young men. During most of that time, AJ McLean kept a vigil next to Nick, talking to him, reading to him, telling him his deepest thoughts, doing anything he could possibly do to wake him from the coma his brain had slipped into.

Two weeks of agony for everyone. Nick’s family had to continue with demanding schedules, his parents felt that it would be in the best interest for the children to keep as much normalcy in their lives as possible, so they left after a long consult with Nick’s neurologist.

Dr. Bennington spelled it out in clear words to the Carter’s as well as Nick’s close friends that each day looked grim as long as he was trapped in the coma and he feared that Nick may never wake from it.

Nick’s family reluctantly accepted the prognosis. Everyone seemed to agree that things didn’t look hopeful - everyone except AJ.

AJ decided that when Nick weaned off the breathing tube that he was making progress. Nick still used oxygen but now it was delivered with the clear green tubes that went around the face. He definately felt that when Nick was moved to another area of ICU that he had made progress.

Jim Lowe had been a Neuro ICU nurse for over thirty years. He had seen many cases during his years good and bad but something about his young patient seemed different to him. This young man was the same age as his own son. As he flipped through the man’s chart to the meds page he quickly logged his name in under the 7am - 7pm slot and slid the chart back into the holder for ICU room number 20.

Pushing the door open, he startled AJ who had evidently dozed off.

“Good morning AJ,” Jim smiled, walking over towards the sink and started to meticulously wash his hands.

AJ’s voice cracked as he tried to aknowledge the nurse’s greeting. After clearing his throat, he successfully managed “’mornin’.”

Walking to the opposite side of the bed after grabbing a pillow from the closet, Jim lifted the covers off of Nick’s body. “Nick, it’s time to reposition you.”

AJ sat and watched the procedure he had seen Nick being put through over and over day in and day out. Every two hours. They told AJ this was to prevent bed sores since Nick wasn’t moving and the pressure points of his bone against the skin would eventually break down if he wasn’t moved from one side to another for a few hours.

Jim folded Nick’s arms and gently pushed against his shoulder as he placed a rolled pillow behind his back and hips. Once Jim finished, he drew the covers back over his patient’s body and adjusted the oxygen and IV tubing.

AJ felt the need to talk to someone about Nick. Somehow, he felt drawn to the nurse and decided he could confide in the man. He watched as the nurse was preoccupied with hanging new IV’s on the pole.

“Jim?”

“Yep,” the nurse replied, not looking at AJ.

AJ drew in a quick breath and decided to plunge into the subject of concern. “You’ve been an ICU nurse for a long time, right?”

“Yep, graduated in 1972.”

“So um, you’ve seen some pretty bad things during your time then, right?”

“Oh, I’ve pretty much seen it all, some pretty bad things,” came the reply.

“What do you think about Nick’s prognosis?” AJ asked, not daring to look at the nurse when he asked the question that was weighing heavily in his heart.

The nurse stopped working on the IV’s and turned to face AJ. “I think Nick’s prognosis is guarded. There’s a lot of things that can go on between now and next month that could change the outcome if Nick were to wake up.”

“Things like what?”

“Well, there’s pneumonia, seziures.....” his voice trailed off as he could sense that AJ was getting scared. “Those are just typical things that have happened, but don’t think that this could be Nick. Judging by what I’ve seen so far, I’m willing to take a bet that Nick is stubborn and he’s in there right now, fighting to wake up. It’s just going to take time.”

AJ grinned for a moment. “Yeah, he is stubborn.” The smile faded as quickly as it appeared. “How can we get him to wake up? I’ve tried everything I can think of.”

“You’re doing everything that can be done AJ, there aren’t any clear cut ways that work, just keep touching him and talking to him, if it will happen, it will happen. Touch, sounds those are the things that are proven stimulants for people asleep in a coma.”

The nurse’s pager chimed and Jim pulled it from his scrub pocket. Sighing, he shoved the device back into the pocket and pulled the latex gloves off, tossing them into the wastebasket as he strode towards the door. “I’ll be back in a bit, they need help with another patient.”

AJ settled back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. He was alone in his thoughts for a few moments when he heard distinct footsteps entering the room. “Hi Bri,” AJ called out, not taking his eyes from ceiling.

“How’d you know it was me?”

“You’ve got feminine footsteps,” AJ cackled.

“Ha ha,” Brian replied dryly. “Hey I brought some stuff in for Nick.”

The rustling of a plastic bag caught AJ’s attention. As Brian pulled an item out, he lost his grip on the bag and it fell to the floor with a loud thud.

“OMIGOD!” Brian breathed.

“God, don’t spaz, I’m sure it’s something you can replace,” AJ snickered as he jumped up to retrieve the fallen bag. When he saw that Brian was staring where Nick was, mouth agape, AJ turned and looked over at the bed confused at Brian’s reaction. “What’s wrong Brian?”

“He jumped!” Brian smiled.

AJ rubbernecked from Brian’s face to Nick’s form in the bed. “Huh? He’s laying where he’s always laid.”

“No, AJ, Nick jumped when the bag hit the floor. Watch,” Brian annouced as he proceeded to pick up things and slam them down, waiting for a reaction from Nick.

“Have you gone psycho?” AJ rasped as he watched Brian run from one place to another trying to get a reaction from Nick.

Defeated, Brian hung his head. “No... no, I saw it, AJ, I saw it!”

A thought crossed AJ’s mind as he noted the look of dispair in his Backstreet brother’s face. Sliding his forefinger and thumb between his teeth, AJ drew a deep breath and exhaled, emitting a high pitched whistle.

He was rewarded with a grimace on Nick’s face. He clearly didn’t like the noise.

Brian and AJ hugged and started whooping it up in ICU room number 20.

Things were looking better.

Four anxious pairs of eyes stared at the young doctor, waiting to hear the news about Nick’s condition. They quietly watched as the doctor checked Nick’s vitals and charted his findings. When Dr. Bennington took a small pin and pricked Nick’s arm, a soft moan broke the silence.

“That’s good, right?” AJ questioned, glaring quickly at Kevin when he was given a stern look and told to keep quiet.

The doctor wrote some more things into Nick’s chart and then turned to face the men. He sighed before he spoke. “This is a promising sign, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up too much. Sometimes patients that are comatose only experience what Nick is experiencing, and it doesn’t progress from that point.”

AJ stared at the doctor, his face a mixture of confusion and anquish. “You mean this could be all that Nick ever does ever again? Just moan?”

The doctor nodded slightly. “I’m sorry, I just don’t know what else to tell you. I don’t want to give you false hopes.” Dr. Bennington turned and picked up the chat. “Are there any questions?”

Although each of them had millions of questions running through their heads, no one spoke.

The doctor smiled slightly. “I’ll check back on him tomorrow or sooner if something new develops.”

With that, he left the room.

Tears immediately starting flowing down AJ’s cheeks, the guilt was creeping back into his heart. “Isn’t there anything they can do for him?” he rasped, pointing at the bed. “That doctor’s a fucking jerk! We gotta find a new doc for Nick!”

“AJ, calm down,” Kevin spoke in a calming voice trying to calm the young man down.

”How the fuck can you stand there like that? Didn’t you hear what he said? He said that all Nick will ever do is moan for the rest of his fuckin’ life!”

“He said that’s just a possiblity, AJ,” Howie pointed out calmly.

AJ glared at each of the men standing in front of him. ”So that’s it? You’re gonna accept what that freak of a doctor told us? I say bullshit! Bull fucking shit!”

During AJ’s shouting, Brian was watching Nick. He never said a word to them about what he was seeing. Everytime AJ rose his voice, Nick seemed to flinch and grimace. Nick was hearing what was going on in the room. He didn’t want to point it out to anyone because of the tension that was happening and decided to wait until things settled down later to share what he had seen.

“I’m going to find Nick’s nurse,” AJ announced and jerked the door open and stormed out of the ICU room.

“We better follow his ornery ass,” Kevin stated and grabbed at Howie’s arm.

Brian nodded and walked over towards the bed, taking the seat that had been positioned next to it. “I’ll keep Nicky company while you’re gone.”

The room was finally quiet again with the exception of the heart monitor pinging away. Brian took Nick’s hand in his and squeezed it gently. Leaning back into the chair, he sighed. “Well, at least he’s away from you for a little while.”

Brian looked around the plain white room, his eyes going from the white tiled ceiling down to the speckled, shiny floor and then to the sea green blanket that laid on Nick’s bed. His eyes slowly traveled up from Nick’s feet to his legs, stopping at his stomach and watched it slowly rise and fall with each breath Nick took. Gazing at his friend’s neck, Brian was slightly intrigued as a vein was throbbing, pulsating with the surge of blood that was flowing through it with every beat of his heart.

Finally, his eyes fell upon Nick’s flushed face. He looked like he was sleeping peacefully. His mouth was slightly open, a soft snoring noise escaped his lips occasionally. Brian slightly shook his head, a grin crossed his lips. “And you always denied that you snored.”

Letting go of his friend’s hand, Brian reached up and smoothed the dark blond hair away from Nick’s forehead. It was fluffy today - he had gotten a head-to-toe bath, as his nurse Jim described it.

“Man, your hair is getting really long dude,” Brian smiled, thinking about how long Nick’s had gotten in the past. It was just over the tips of his ears right now, if this had happened post tour Brian knew that Nick’s hair would probably have grown over his ears by now. He lovingly scruffed Nick’s head and a soft moan came from Nick.

Scared, Brian quickly drew his hand back. It startled him. He studied Nick’s face. At first there wasn’t any change in his expression but suddenly he started to grimace.

“You don’t like me messin’ with your hair?” Brian asked, waiting as if he would get a reply.

Nick never liked it when anyone messed with his hair and with him being tall, that rarely happened unless he was sitting down or if Kevin decided to tease. Brian was amazed that even in his comatose state, Nick was still able to relay that he didn’t want anyone touching his head.

Brian’s heart caught in his throat when he saw Nick’s eyelids fluttering.

“Wake up Nick,” he softly coached, staring at his face. “You’ve slept too long, please wake up,” Brian begged, tears forming in his eyes.

For one brief moment a miracle happened. Nick’s eyes opened for a moment, he appeared to look directly at Brian and as quickly as they fluttered open, they slowly closed again.

Still savoring the moment with Nick alone, Brian was washed with mixed feelings of happiness and sadness at the same time. He was happy to see his friend open his eyes but was worried that this was just another one of the things people in a coma does. It seemed when Nick made some type of milestone, the doctors would downplay them saying it was not uncommon for Nick to experience “intermittent reflexes.”

The nurse walked into the room and directly to the sink to wash his hands.

“Nick would say you’re anal about cleanliness,” Brian mused as he looked at Nick’s face.

“Can never be too cautious in this business,” Jim replied as he dried his hands off with a paper towel. “I take it Nick wasn’t much into soap and water?”

Brian quickly shook his head no. “No, he was like everyone else, I guess I was just remembering how Nick used to pick on Howie about being so germ phobic, washing his hands and stuff.”

Jim nodded and set about putting on latex gloves and after unlocking cupboards and drawers, he approached Nick’s bed with three syringes in his hand.

“Jim, what would you think if I told you that Nick opened his eyes and sorta looked at me?” Brian asked hesitantly, afraid that his question would be brushed aside quickly as if it wasn’t anything important.

“I would think that would be good news, why do you ask?” Jim replied as he rubbed a port with rubbing alcohol on the clear IV tubing.

“Because Nick did that a little bit ago.”

Jim stopped fussing with the IV line and looked at Brian and then at Nick’s face. “He looked at you? As in opened his eyes and looked directly at you?”

Brian nodded, not sure what would come out of the nurse’s mouth next.

“For how long?” Jim asked as he placed the syringes on the bed stand and started to walk around the bed towards Brian.

“It was only for a moment. I noticed him getting sorta irritated when AJ and the rest of the guys were in here and AJ was yelling---”

“Irritated? How?” Jim interrupted.

“He was making faces, ya know, like scrunching your face up, like this,” Brian demonstrated what Nick had been doing.

“And he opened his eyes during this too?”

“No, he just made the faces. He didn’t open his eyes until after they left and it was just me and him. I was talking to him and I happened to see his eyelids flutter and then he opened his eyes and it looked like he looked at me and then he closed them again.” Brian could feel the hope gather in his chest. He didn’t want to be too optimistic, but he couldn’t help it.

“Nothing since?”

Brian’s heart sank. This was a negative comment.

“No, nothing.”

Jim excused himself as he leaned around Brian and reached for Nick’s shoulder. Pushing the chair back, Brian stood up and kept his eyes focused on his friend’s face.

Gently pushing on Nick’s shoulder, Jim called out, “Nick? Nick, wake up.” He kept the pushing action and then glanced back at Brian. “It might have been reflexes Brian, but I want to make sure.”

Brian’s heart sank. There was that word again - reflexes. He hated that word more than anything else in the world right now. As he stood there, he mentally coached Nick to open his eyes. It was almost as if he felt that Nick had to do this to prove that Brian wasn’t crazy. Out of desparation of the moment, Brian clapped his hands loudly, causing Nick to jerk.

“Hey, wake up,” Jim encouraged and pushed harder on his young patient’s shoulder. After a few moments, he was rewarded with a pair of blue eyes staring at him.

Brian held his breath. He worried that this would only be a quick fleeting thing.

“Hi sleepyhead,” the nurse smiled. Nick continued to stare at Jim, no emotions displayed on his face, his eyes didn’t drift from the man’s face. Pulling a penlight out of the navy blue scrubs, Jim clicked it on and shined it into Nick’s eyes. Brian watched and prayed as the nurse moved it from side to side, waiting for Nick to follow the light with his eyes.

Wordlessly, Jim switched off the penlight and shoved it back into his pocket. Brian stood watching, waiting for the nurse to say that this was a positive sign - something - anything.

“This is good, right?” Brian finally asked in a hopeful voice.

The nurse walked over to the phone and punched in a pager number. “I’m not sure what to tell you, just wait until Dr. Bennington evaluates Nick.”

Brian looked back at Nick’s face, expecting his eyes to be closed again. Surprisingly, Nick’s eyes half open, staring at the spot where the nurse had been standing a few minutes before.

“How come he just looks at one spot?” Brian asked, worry filling his heart.

The nurse sighed. “Brian, you can’t get your hopes up but then again, you need to keep thinking positive. From my own experience with other patients, this is a common phenomenon. Nick is in a coma.”

“Is?” Brian croaked. “He’s awake, his eyes are open!”

“He’s still unresponsive so he’s still classified as comatose,” Jim replied quietly.

Brian could feel the frustration building, tears stinging his eyes. “But he opened his eyes when you pushing on him.”

“It can be re--”

“Flexes,” Brian finished the sentence for the nurse. Feeling defeated, he slumped down onto the chair.

The door was opened and Dr. Bennington breezed into the room, grabbing the chart off the counter. “What’s going on now?”

“Patient’s eyes are open,” the nurse replied.

Dr. Bennington glanced at Nick’s face, the nurse’s and then at Brian. “I need you to leave while I evaluate him,” he ordered as he gazed at Brian.

Puzzled at the doctor’s request, Brian stood up and quickly squeezed Nick’s hand - a ritual that Brian decided he would keep up no matter what. “I’ll be back,” he whispered.

Nick slowly closed his lids and then opened them halfway again. Brian hoped that Nick heard him and understood him.

Four sets of anxious eyes were staring at the door waiting for Dr. Bennington to walk in and tell them about Nick.

“What the hell is taking him so damn long?” AJ hissed, folding his arms across his chest.

As if the doctor heard AJ’s question, the door squeaked open. He gave the men a tight smile and flipped open the metal chart he held in his hands. “Well, I checked Nick out and it appears that he is waking from the coma.”

“So how long before he starts to respond to us?” AJ asked hopefully.

“I’m going to have to run a few tests before I can safely give you that answer,” the young doctor stated as he looked into AJ’s face.

“Tests for what?” AJ questioned.

Dr. Bennington sighed. This was always hard to explain to families about patients that are in comas. “Tests to determine brain damage.”

“Brain damage? He wasn’t hit in the head! He drank too much and took some stuff by accident!” AJ pointed out loudly. Brian placed a hand on AJ’s forearm, trying to calm him down.

“Well, the mix of meds and alcohol triggered the coma and when a person goes into a coma, it’s the brain’s way of going into hibernation, I guess you could say it’s protecting itself until it sorts out what went wrong. I really don’t know a good way to explain this,” the doctor searched for words.

“But still, how can you even think brain damage?” AJ demanded.

“From a clincal standpoint, it’s pretty obvious but I need to run tests before I can draw any conclusions, I’m sorry I can’t give you any better answers,” the doctor apologized. The man hesitated for a moment and then quickly added, “I’ll be checking back on Nick again during later rounds.” With that said, the doctor left the room.

AJ sprung from his chair when the doctor left. “I don’t believe that idiot! You talked me out of finding Nick a good doctor but right there is proof! We need to get him someone that knows what the fuck he’s doing.” He looked at each of the men’s faces when he paused. “You agree don’t you?”

“What can we do? I mean we’re not immediate family AJ, our hands are tied on this,” Kevin pointed out.

“Yeah, but we can call Bob and Jane and they can get the ball rolling on this. It’s their son for crying out loud, I’m sure once they get wind of this, they’ll agree with me,” AJ stated in a firm voice.

“Can’t we just wait and see what Nick does for the next couple of days?” Brian asked hesitantly.

AJ shot a glare at Brian. “What for the next couple of days? My god man, how much longer are you going to give this quack time to screw up Nick?”

“AJ, calm down,” Howie pleaded. “We can ask for a consult, that could work out, I mean this is a teaching hospital from what I’ve read in these stupid brochures,” he gestured towards the colored pamplets that littered the tables in the waiting area.

“That’s a good idea,” Kevin agreed. “AJ, since you’re all hell bent on getting Nick a second opinion, you can have the honors of calling the Carters.”

“Fine by me, I’m going out for a smoke and I’m gonna call them,” AJ annouced as he shoved on the waiting room door.

“I’m going back to the hotel and try to get some sleep,” Howie announced, standing up and stretching.

“Sounds like a good idea, Bri you coming along?” Kevin asked his cousin.

Brian shook his head, declining the offer. “I’m gonna stick around with Nick for awhile and keep AJ under control, you go ahead.”

“Are you sure? You should grab a shower dude,” Kevin teased, grinning.

“I’m not that bad yet,” Brian smiled. “I’m gonna go back down to Nick. I’ll call you if something changes.”

With that said, the men separated with Brian heading back down the hall towards the ICU wing. He stopped at the public restroom before going through the double doors that led into ICU. Looking into the mirror at his unshaven face, Brian sighed. This was taking a toll on all of them. He felt as if he looked like he had aged ten years since this all started with Nick.

Shaking his head, he turned the faucet on and quickly splashed the cool water onto his face. The paper towel was rough but Brian had grown accustomed to it. It had been a way of life for the past week or so. Paper towels and quick mouth rinses with cold water followed by wads of Orbit spearmint gum.

Walking out of the restroom, Brian nearly ran into AJ and a woman in a white lab coat.

"Hey, we're heading to see Nick, this doctor said she'd take a look at him and give us her opinion," AJ stated confidently.

Brian sized up the woman, wondering if she was even qualified in neuro care. Almost as if the woman read his mind, she offered a hand out to Brian.

"Dr. Michelle Garcia," she flashed a white, confident smile as Brian took her hand and shook it. As they walked down the hall, Dr. Garcia took a stethoscope out from the deep pocket of her lab coat and hung the purple cord around her shoulders. "Third year resident," she announced to Brian without him even asking her.

"How did you know I was going to ask you that?"

Dr. Garcia smiled. "Experience I guess."

"Speaking of--"

"I work in Neuro," she interrupted.

"Oh," Brian replied, trying to keep up with the tall, gangly doctor. "You won't get in trouble doing this?"

"Not to worry, I talked to the chief resident and explained the situation." She paused for a moment, "besides, I have a particular interest in this case, my niece is a big fan of you guys."

Brian wasn't too sure if that was a good thing or not.

"Don't worry, it's stictly a professional basis that I'm taking a look at Nick," she remarked as they stopped at the nurses station. "I need the Carter file."

A woman dressed in pink flowered scrubs smiled and handed Dr. Garcia the chart without asking any questions.

"Okay, let's go see Nick," Dr. Garcia stated solemly.

There were plenty of questions swimming through Brian’s mind, none of which he wanted to ask. He walked quietly behind the doctor and AJ, wondering what state they would find Nick in this time.

Dr. Garcia stopped outside of Nick’s room and turned to face Brian. “I’m a third year medical resident. This is a teaching hospital and I’m just evaluating Nick, I’m not going to get anyone into trouble by doing this. If I see something that needs to be addressed, I will speak with Dr. Langston, the head of Neuro. Relax, okay?”

Brian grinned slightly and nodded. “How do you know what I’m thinking?”

The young doctor returned Brian’s grin and shrugged her shoulders. “Experience I guess.” Without hesitating, she confidently pushed open the door to Nick’s room, Brian and AJ in tow.

Brian’s heart sank as he looked at his young friend. He was hoping that Nick’s eyes were still open, but they were closed and he looked as he had always looked - locked in a deep sleep.

Dr. Garcia flipped open the thick chart and thumbed through pages until she found what she was looking for. She quietly read the information and then set the chart down on the bedstand, walked over to the sink and washed her hands.

“Good morning Nick, my name is Michelle and I want to take a look at you,” Dr. Garcia announced in a cheery voice.

“He can’t hear you,” AJ stated as he glanced at Nick’s face.

Both Brian and the doctor looked at AJ.

“No kidding?” Brian replied in a sarcastic voice.

AJ folded his arms across his chest and laughed nervously. “Forget I even said that, okay?”

“We will,” Dr. Garcia and Brian said simutaneously.

The two watched the doctor conduct the routine vitals they had grown accustomed to seeing done on Nick time after time. She scribbled some of the vital signs down on a slip of blank paper and then placed the stethoscope onto the bedstand.

“Okay, AJ what have you seen Nick doing?”

“I, um, I haven’t seen Nick do anything besides sleep. He moaned once and that one fuckin’ doc said that’s about all Nick will probably ever do.”

Brian blushed at AJ’s choice of words in front of the female doctor.

“The chart mentioned that he had opened his eyes,” Dr. Garcia stated.

“I saw him do that,” Brian offered.

“Okay, please explain to me what happened.”

While Brian gave his description about Nick’s reactions, the doctor wrote notes on the paper, nodding and glancing at Nick’s sleeping form occasionally. When Brian finished, she placed the pen down and approached the side of the bed.

“Nick?”

AJ and Brian waited for a response. The doctor clapped her hands by Nick’s ears.

“HEY! He’s making a face!” AJ gasped. It was the first time he saw Nick do anything in weeks.

“He doesn’t seem to like loud noises,” Brian pointed out.

The doctor placed her thumb and forefinger into her mouth and let out a shrill whistle. A startled Nick scrunched his face and his eyes flew open, staring blankly out at the room.

“Nick!” AJ cried out when Nick opened his eyes.

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere,” Dr. Garcia breathed as she looked at her young patient. “Nick, I’m Dr. Michelle. Can you look at me?”

Nick stared ahead of him, eyes fixed towards the blank wall at the foot of his bed.

“Nicky, the doc is asking you something...”

AJ stopped his sentence when he was elbowed by Brian. He shushed his friend and gestured towards the bed. “Let her do her work,” he whispered.

“Nick,” the doctor started out as she placed her face in front of Nick’s. “Do this,” she commanded as she stuck her tongue out. Nick’s eyes focused on the woman’s face. He watched her stick her tongue out but at first did nothing. “Nick, do this,” she commanded again and stuck her tongue out.

At first, their only reward was Nick focusing on the doctor’s face. Brian held his breath when he saw what was happening, grabbing AJ’s arm.

“Nick, can you do this?” the doctor asked again, in a louder voice.

AJ sighed. “He’s not deaf ya know!”

Brian shushed AJ and gave him a stern look.

They were finally rewarded with Nick slightly sticking his tongue out at the doctor.

“Good Nick!” she praised him loudly, smiling at him. “Okay, Nick can you do this?” she asked as blinked her eyes. Nick made a face and then slowly copied the command of blinking his eyes for the doctor. Again, she praised him.

“Do this now,” Dr. Garcia asked as she clenched her teeth and parted her lips. After a few moments, Nick’s eyes drifted past the doctor, focusing on the blank wall again. “Nick? Nick?”

Brian and AJ waited in anticipation for Dr. Garcia’s report about Nick. After doing her evaluation, she excused herself and left the two men sitting in Nick’s room.

“Hey, don’t you think staring at the wall is getting a little old?” AJ questioned as he looked in the direction of Nick’s gaze.

No signs of response came from Nick and AJ sighed.

“I think you have to speak louder for some reason,” Brian wondered outloud.

“Ya know that bugs the shit out of me too. Why are they acting like he’s got brain damage? He wasn’t in an accident. He just drank too much and took some meds by accident. This doesn’t make any sense to me at all. If I had stayed with---”

“Don’t,” Brian interrupted, placing a hand on AJ’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault, there’s nothing you could have done differently, we didn’t know this would happen.”

AJ shook his head as he wiped the tears that had fallen onto his cheeks. As the door swung open, AJ stiffened in his chair, composing himself.

“Okay, I’ve gone through Nick’s chart and all the tests results and evals that have been done with him over the past two weeks. I see that when he was brought into the ER his blood alcohol was .14 so he had to have had a lot of alcohol in his system when he went to bed that night. The toxicology report shows a few drugs, a mixture of pain meds but they were unable to determine how many and exactly what type he had taken and how long ago he had ingested them. When he arrived they classified him as a stage 2 score was a 6. He only had response to pain and that was his body pulling away from the source.”

She sighed before she continued. “After checking him over, my findings are that he now can be classified between a stage 4 and a stage 5, his score is now a 9 meaning that he is in a moderate impaired consciousness level. I believe he is slowly coming out of his coma but what he will be left with is still something we can’t really speculate on right now. I would like to recommend that he start with physical therapy and limited occupational therapy as soon as he starts becoming more responsive to commands.”

“When do you see that happening?” AJ questioned quietly.

“Well, if we keep on working with talking to Nick, I think it would happen sooner than expected.”

“Why do you shout at him when you talk to him? He’s not deaf,” AJ asked.

“Auditory nerves can be affected from a coma and the patient needs strong stimuli. So, in Nick’s case you can only get response from him when you are looking directly at him and talking loudly and slowly.”

AJ paled. “So you’re saying he’s deaf now?”

Dr. Garcia shook her head. “No, no, absolutely not! You just have to speak louder to grab his attention. He’s not focused on soft noises or stimuli. You’re just going to have to work for response like you would an infant. What we’re dealing with is that Nick is now something similar to a baby. He’s unaware of himself including anyone that talks to him. You’re there with him when you’re facing him but once you leave, you’re gone. He does not have any memory of you being their two seconds before that.”

AJ’s heart was filling with guilt. “So he’s never going to be the same?”

The doctor shook her head. “I wish I knew whats down the road for Nick. We just have to take this one day at a time. He needs your support and encouragement.”

“Can you help us? I mean, can you be Nick’s new doctor?” AJ asked.

“I would like to if I could, but unfortunately, you can’t make those decisions for Nick, it has to come from his parents. They’re his legal guardians.”

“I’ll call them right now. I want you to be his doctor. You’ve made more sense than those other quacks that’s taken care of him so far!” AJ stated as he stood up. “I’ll have them fax their permission to the hospital. Who do they need to tell?”

Dr. Garcia mentioned the name of the head of the hospital board of directors and the name of the head of Neurology. AJ penned their names into the palm pilot he pulled from his pants pocket.

“Where does it get faxed?”

“Ask the nurses at the desk,” Brian remarked.

“What do you plan on doing once you get permission to be Nick’s new doctor?” Brian asked.

“Order him moved out of ICU to begin with,” Dr. Garcia replied.

"I'm calling his parents and then I'm calling Kev and Howie. They will be anxious to talk to Nicky," AJ announced.

"Hopefully I'll be seeing you again," Dr. Garcia smiled.

After Brian thanked the woman, she left the room with AJ. Brian was once again alone with Nick. Alone dealing with the many thoughts and the questions of "what if?"

Brian smiled as he walked down the hall towards Nick’s room. He tried to keep a positive outlook for Nick as well as AJ about the progress, especially since the Carter’s had faxed their permission for Nick to be assigned Dr. Garcia as his main physician.

True to Dr. Garcia’s words, once the fax was received, Nick was moved out of ICU and into a private Neuro step-down room. She had scheduled a host of tests and physical stimuli to be started immediately.

Walking into the room, Brian found AJ sitting in a chair next to the bed, Mtv blaring on the television and Nick laying in bed, both men had their eyes closed. Brian reached over and turned the volume down on the tv, waking AJ.

“You had it on a bit too loud,” Brian apologised.

“Nicky needs loud noises,” AJ defended.

Brian grinned. “True, but you don’t need to make him deaf!”

AJ shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno, I’m just doing what Dr. Garcia said.”

Brian patted AJ on the shoulder. “Yeah, I know, we all are trying to do what’s best for Nicky. Anything new happen while I was gone?”

“Nope,” AJ sighed. “He seems to wait until you’re in the room with him alone to do anything.”

“AJ, come on, it just happens that way,” Brian rolled his eyes and then nudged Nick on the shoulder. “Right Nicky?”

“You have to yell to get his attention,” AJ pointed out.

“Oh for the love of God, would you knock it off?”

“Where’s Kev and D? I thought they were gonna stick around,” AJ wondered aloud.

“They went back to the hotel, I told Howie he was starting to smell a little gamey and that freaked the dude out,” Brian grinned.

AJ chuckled. “Oh you know better than to do that!”

“Couldn’t help it, I knew that would set him off. It literally freaked the poor guy out and I had a hard time telling him I was joking. It was so funny, you should have seen his reaction!”

“God, you’re cruel Littrell,” AJ laughed. Slowly easing his body from the chair, he stretched his arms and groaned. “I’m gonna go grab a cup of coffee, you want some?”

“Sure,” Brian replied as he reached towards his back pocket.

AJ waved him off. “I got it, be back in a few.” He stopped and looked at Nick’s face. “Nicky, if you do anything while I’m gone, I’m gonna start to develop a complex about this!”

“Would you like me to go down to the cafeteria just in case Nick decides to wake up?”

AJ shook his head. “Nah, it’s okay, I’m just hoping he actually does something new today.” As an after thought, AJ leaned towards Nick’s face. ”Staring at the walls is getting a little old Nick!”

“That was mean!” Brian snapped as he looked at Nick.

“I’m sorry, I’m just getting a little punchy I guess,” AJ apologised.

“Don’t apologise to me, you need to apologise to Nick.”

“Yeah, sorry dude,” AJ sighed. “Okay, black, right?”

“AJ, let me go get the coffee, you sit tight,” Brian offered as he stood up.

“I’m going right now, I need to get away from here and grab a smoke too, I’ll be back in a few, alright?”

Brian nodded and took the seat next to Nick. “Take your time.”

He grabbed the television controller off the stand next to Nick. “Let’s see what’s on. I think I’ve had enough of Mtv to last a lifetime.” Scanning through the channels, he stopped on the Today Show and settled back into the chair, propping his legs on the side of the bed.

A young girl from the cafeteria entered the room, holding a breakfast tray and sat it ontop of the bed stand. She blushed when her eyes met with Brian’s.

“I think you’ve made a mistake,” Brian suggested.

She glanced at Nick nervously and then at Brian’s face. “I have the orders right here. Oops, um, that patient probably was discharged and they must have forgot to cancel the order cause he certainly isn’t Bertha Peterson.”

Brian looked at Nick. “Nope, he’s not Bertha.”

“You might as well eat this breakfast otherwise it’s gonna go to waste. It’s alright,” the girl offered.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Brian scoffed.

“No, seriously, you should,” she pressed and then smiled slightly. “I know Nick probably would if he had the chance.”

Brian grinned at the thought. “Yeah he definately would.”

“Then you should for Nick, and tell him how good the food was,” she replied, flashing a toothy smile at Brian. The smile slowly faded. “Is he getting any better?”

“Better than he was yesterday,” Brian said, sighing. He wasn’t certain how to rate Nick’s progress and he didn’t want to have anything shared with the media.

“That’s good, well you have a nice day and please, just eat the breakfast, I’d be hurt if I come back and find out that it’s been untouched.”

“Okay... okay, I’ll do it for you. What’s your name?” Brian asked.

The girl pulled her ID badge away from her flowered scrub top. “It’s Becky.”

“Thanks Becky, I’ll be sure to mention your name if I get busted,” Brian joked.

“You won’t get busted,” she laughed as she left the room.

Brian sat back in his chair and gave a sideways glance at Nick. He debated about the breakfast tray and figured as soon as he started eating it, someone would show up. Just as he started to stand up to check the tray out, Dr. Garcia entered the room.

“Good morning guys!”

“Good morning, Dr. Garcia.”

The young resident clamped a freshly washed hand on Brian’s shoulder. “Just call me Michelle, okay?”

Brian smiled.

Michelle looked at the cafeteria tray sitting on the bedstand. “They sent Nick a breakfast tray?”

“Actually it belonged to Bertha Peterson,” Brian grinned.

Dr. Garcia smiled and started out her task of checking Nick’s vital signs. “Well, you might as well take advantage of it.”

“I’d feel kinda funny about doing that.”

“Nonesense, it’s free food, go ahead,” she encouraged.

Brian just smiled, not making any moves toward the tray.

“I’m not kidding. From what I can tell, you’re not taking very good care of yourself since all this started, so I insist you eat that breakfast... doctor’s orders!”

“Alright, okay, I’ll do that after you leave then,” Brian replied with a grin. His stomach growled, and he quickly clamped a hand across it, looking at the doctor sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“Hey, it’s involuntary and besides, it’s saying ‘feed me please!’ No need to apologise,” she joked. She directed her attention to her young patient. “So Nick, how are you feeling this morning?”

Brian sat in silence waiting to see if there would be any response from Nick. He sighed when there was none. “He hasn’t done anything since yesterday, is this normal or is he getting worse?”

Placing her stethoscope around her neck, Dr. Garcia sat on the edge of the bed, facing Brian. “Coma patients have no preset guidelines, they pretty much do their own thing. Every case is different. Nick’s a pretty stubborn guy from what I’ve learned about him and that’s a good characteristic to have if you’re going to be in the medical situation he’s in. For any other patient, I would say that he was regressing back into a deeper coma, but with Nick I think this is purely temorary.” She reached out and patted Brian on the leg. “I wouldn’t read too much into this. I think Nick is going to do this in his own time, his own way.”

“Thanks, I wish I could believe it though,” Brian replied.

“It just takes time. Now, I want you to see how mad you can make Nick by eating this breakfast. Tell him about it too, he needs stimuli and the smell of breakfast is bound to trigger something, I guarentee it. I’ll be back later on this afternoon. I’ve ordered somethings for PT to do today for Nick, so we’ll see how this works.”

“Thanks doctor.”

“See you later.”

With that said, Dr. Garcia, took the clipboard and left the room.

Brian eyed the untouched tray and glanced over at Nick. “Well, let’s see what’s for breakfast, shall we?” He stood up and uncovered a plate. “Well, would you look at this Nick, scrambled eggs, bacon and soggy toast. I guess that’s from not eating it when it was served.” Brian paused and took a deep breath in. “Smells good though, don’t it? Apple juice looks good too, even though it’s in a can.”

“Oh well that figures,” AJ called out as he entered the room.

Startled, Brian spun around. “Huh?”

“I go and you get a breakfast tray?”

“It’s not mine, it’s Bertha Peterson’s.”

“Who the fu---”

“Just get over here and eat this with me, doctor’s orders,” Brian gestured. “We’re supposed to do this to see if we can make Nick mad. Just tell him how good the food is.”

AJ eyed the tray suspiciously. “Hospital food?”

“Lie, okay, just lie,” Brian grinned.

”Hey! He ate breakfast? He’s up and eating breakfast and you didn’t call us?” Kevin questioned as he eyed the dirty dishes and cups sitting on the bed tray.

“Yeah, I thought we promised to call when something happens,” Howie added.

AJ shook his head. “No, you got it all wrong, me and Bri had the breakfast, not Nick. God, are you trying to make us feel guilty about eating?”

“Well I---”

“Do you honestly think that Nick could wake up from a coma and eat a full breakfast?” AJ interrupted Howie.

Howie folded his arms across his chest. “Well, um, weirder things have happened before, and besides, that would be Nick though, right?”

Kevin, AJ and Brian looked at Howie, blank expressions on their faces.

“Think about it...we’re talking bottomless pit Kaos, the guy that lives for food. Oh skip it, I was trying to make a joke,” Howie mumbled as he sunk into a chair.

Brian grinned. “It’s okay Howie, I know where you’re coming from and I wouldn’t be surprised if Nick didn’t wake up and ask for a Mountain Dew and a bag of Doritos.”

Kevin suddenly broke into the long silence. “So how was breakfast?”

“Put it this way,” AJ grinned, pushing his glasses up. “Kaos was smart to be asleep, hell who knows, maybe he’s faking it to get out of that god awful thing they called breakfast!” AJ reached down and squeezed his younger brother’s foot. “Right Nick?”

Nick’s eyes flew open.

“HOLY SHIT!” AJ breathed, jumping back from the bed.

The scowl on Nick’s face indicated that he was mad, his blue eyes stayed focused on the wall at the foot of the bed. AJ leaned in and put his face in the line of Nick’s vision. He removed his sunglasses, his dark eyes locked with the young man’s clear blue eyes. The scowl never fading from his expression.

“Pissed ya off when I did that?” AJ thought outloud and once again, placed a hand ontop of Nick’s foot and squeezed it again.

Nick quickly drew his foot away from AJ’s grasp, his eyes still locked onto AJ’s, his jaw set. As AJ reached out again for Nick’s foot, Kevin growled.

“Stop doing that, you’re making him mad, he doesn’t like it!”

AJ persisted, squeezing his foot once again. “The doc says we’re supposed to stimulate him.”

”Stimulate, not irritate,” Kevin corrected.

“Fu..fu..fu”

All eyes turned to Nick when the gutteral sound was made. His face was still twisted in anger, his eyes locked onto AJ’s face.

AJ released his hold on Nick’s foot. “What did he just say? Nick?”

“Fu..fuuuck.” Nick groaned in a low voice, anger still in his eyes.

“We must be getting somewhere,” AJ theorized and reached out once again for Nick’s foot.

“I don’t think that making Nick madder is going to solve this,” Kevin warned.

Nick scowled at AJ, never taking his eyes from his Backstreet brother.

“C’mon kid, talk to me,” AJ challenged, grabbing Nick’s foot once again.

Kevin reached out and slapped AJ on the arm. ”STOP!”

Rubbing the offended area, AJ mumbled something inaudible and inched away from the bed. After a few moments of staring at AJ with disapproving looks, their attention was once again focused on their young brother, laying in the bed.

Nick eyes searched the room. “Whose place is this?”

“Huh?” Brian grunted, not sure he heard Nick’s soft voice correctly.

“Why are you in my bedroom?”

Kevin and Brian exchanged uneasy glances. Howie immediately left the room to get the nurse.

Kevin leaned over so that his face was in Nick’s view. ”DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”

Instinctively, Nick cupped his ears, a sour expression on his face. “Don’t,” he muttered.

“I guess we don’t need to yell anymore,” AJ advised.

Sighing, Kevin tried again. “Do you know who I am?”

Nick raised an eyebrow as he looked at the dark haired man. “Kevin.”

Kevin asked the names of AJ and Brian and Nick supplied the right answer each time. Before Kevin could ask another question, Nick stopped him.

“Whose place is this?”

“You’re in the hospital,” Kevin replied.

“Why?”

“You took too many meds when you had been drinking.”

Nick’s eyes went from Kevin’s face, to AJ’s and then to Brian’s. A look of confusion crossed his face and with a quiet and shaky voice, “Where am I?”

“I told you you’re in the hospital,” Kevin replied calmly.

“Why?”

“God, he sounds like a broken record,” AJ mumbled. “Nick, Kevin just told you that you took too many meds when you had been drinking!”

Nick cupped his ears and shook his head. “Don’t.”

Leaning towards his friend, Brian gently pried Nick’s hands away from his ears. In an unexpected twist, Nick suddenly went from meek and passive to angry and agressive as he reached out and started swinging his fists at Brian, landing the punches on different areas of his body until he stepped away.

“Nicky, stop!”

AJ placed himself between Brian and Nick in an attempt to stop Nick from swinging at Brian. Pulling Nick’s arms down, AJ was momentarily successful until Nick lunged forward and his teeth sunk into AJ’s forearm.

”SONOFABITCH!” AJ jerked back, covering the wound with his hand. “What the hell?”

Stunned, the three men stared at their blonde haired brother, not sure what was happening or what to say or do.

“Get out of my car!” Nick shouted, an angry glare in his eyes.

“You’re in the hospital,” Brian corrected.

”Get the fuck out of my fuck!” Nick shouted again.

“You’re not making sense,” Kevin calmly replied.

Tears slipped down Nick’s flushed cheeks; his eyes wild. As AJ opened his mouth to speak, Kevin quickly placed his hand on AJ’s back and shook his head. He was mentally cursing the amount of time it was taking Howie and the nurse to return.

“Why are you here?” Nick questioned.

No one spoke, afraid that any words would start Nick off on another tantrum.

“Why can’t you go away?”

Tears were burning in Brian’s eyes.

“Brian he doesn’t mean it,” Kevin whispered.

Brian bowed his head, wiping his eyes. “I know.”

Staring at the television, Nick strained to understand the words that were spoken by the cartoon characters that were dancing across the screen. The words that were spoken sounded jibberish rather than words, as if it were some type of foreign language to him.

People been drifting in and out of the room he was laying in ever since he woke up, some people were good, he decided and those were the ones that didn’t touch him. The ones that came right up to his bed were the ones that scared him. They always did something to hurt him touching him or poking him with a needle. He eyed the girl that walked in, with wary eyes.

“Dinner,” she said as she placed what she was carrying onto the stand that was at the foot of the bed. She could have been speaking Japanese as far as Nick was concerned. His comprehension of what she had just said went over his head.

He suddenly realized that she was one of the “good people” and wouldn’t hurt him. He gestured frantically to the television set, wanting the channel changed. Trying desperately to make his wishes known, the words that he was thinking in his brain, however, were not the words that he uttered.

“Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!”

Instead of walking up to help him, the young girl tossed a dirty look in his direction and left the room in a huff. Frustrated that the girl didn’t help him after he asked, Nick settled back into his bed, forgetting the tray that she had brought in.

“Wonder what kind of mood Kaos will be in tonight?” AJ questioned as the group rode the elevator to the nineth floor to Nick’s room. The question hung in the air as each pondered the question. Finally, Kevin broke the silence when the car reached the floor.

“Hopefully he’ll be in a more sociable mood tonight.”

“This wing of the hospital gives me the heebie jeebies,” Howie whispered to AJ as they walked down the hall. AJ nodded in agreement.

Walking into the room they found Nick just the way the had left him earlier in the morning, laying in bed, watching cartoons.

“Hey kiddo, how are you?” Brian smiled as he approached the bed.

Nick’s eyes at first held a fearful expression but quickly softened. He smiled slightly.

Moving his attention over toward the tray on the bedstand, Brian questioned. “Did you have a good dinner?” His question was answered when he discovered that the dinner tray was untouched. “You didn’t eat? Why not?”

Nick looked at the untouched tray, his mouth started watering. He was hungry. Kevin immediately noticed Nick’s excitement when he looked at the dinner tray.

“Were you sleeping when they brought this in?”

“Why don’t you just give the poor kid his dinner and stop with the twenty questions Kevin,” AJ sighed as he reached in to push the tray over toward the young blond.

Kevin placed his hand firmly on the cart, stopping the motion. “It’s ice cold, he needs a new tray and they need to hear from me about this anyway.”

AJ threw his hands up in disgust. “Kev, I’m sure the kid was probably asleep when they brought his food in, don’t make a federal case out of this, geeze!”

Kevin nearly collided with the woman that started to enter the room, recognition was written on her face as well as surprise. “Ohmygod, I’m so sorry!”

“When did he get this?”

“I-I don’t know, I’m just picking the tray up,” the girl stammered.

“I want to speak with his nurse,” Kevin forcefully insisted.

The girl didn’t reply as she quickly turned and left the room.

“Oh, just freak the poor girl out,” AJ muttered as he stared at the tall man. “Give them a break, okay? I’m sure Kaos was probably sleeping when they brought him dinner.”

“I’m not letting this go,” Kevin hissed. “Don’t you remember what Dr. Gracia said the other day? Nick doesn’t have the mental capacity to do things on his own right now--”

“He’s not retarded!” AJ snapped.

Raking a hand through his hair, Kevin sighed. “I know Nick’s not retarded, he just needs to be reminded of things right now until he comes back to us and eating is something he has to be guided on.”

“I don’t think I can handle this...” AJ mumbled as he started toward the door.

Brian stepped between AJ and the door. “So you’re gonna bail on him?”

AJ shrunk back. “No, I’m not gonna bail on him... I’m just..”

“It sure as hell looks like you’re gonna walk, he needs you, he needs all of us right now. I’m sure he’d stick by you if this had happened to you.”

“Well it didn’t,” AJ spat back bitterly.

“Well it happened to Nick and now we have to deal with this and help him through this,” Brian challenged.

Dr. Garcia appeared in the doorway and Kevin immediately started firing questions at the young woman.

“I thought this was a monitored wing of the hospital!”

The doctor looked over at her patient and then back at Kevin. “It is.”

Kevin shook his head. “Well for the third time this week we come back to visit Nick and for the third time we find him with an untouched tray of food!”

“He’s suppose to be guided at meals, I don’t understand why he--”

“It’s obvious that nothing is being guided with him.... period!”

“I can only issue the orders, I’m sorry this has happened. I can make sure this will be the last time---”

“This is the last time! I want him discharged from this circus floor!”

“Kevin, he can’t leave here yet,” Howie interjected.

“Be reasonable, we can’t handle him yet,” Brian agreed.

“What’s to handle? He’s awake and we know that he just needs to be taught the stuff he’s forgotten, how hard is that?”

“You have no idea what you’re saying Mr. Richardson,” Dr. Gracia interrupted. “Nick’s mental status is that of less than a two year old. The coma and the combination of the alcohol and the narcotics have left him with some mental impairments. His cognitive skills are not what they were before this. He needs to be taught everything again, how to eat, how to dress, he has to be reminded of things---”

“But we can do that,” Kevin replied.

Dr. Garcia shook her head sadly. “You think you can do that. I’ve had many patients whose families thought they could deal with this only to bring them back here after less than a month. You are dealing with a six foot, two hundred pound child. He is not the same person he was a year ago.”

“Kevin, please be reasonable,” Howie pleaded. “Nick needs specialized care and we are not emotionally or physically equipped to handle something like this. We’re talking about his life here.”

“Yeah, we could screw him up, don’t you get it?” AJ added.

“There is a place he can be discharged to, but I would have to get his parent’s permission and I’m going to let you know right now, it’s not around here, it’s a rehab facility in Texas.”

Kevin looked over at Nick and then at the rest of his brothers. “If it will give Nick the help he needs to get better, I don’t care if it’s in Bunfuck Egypt, send him!”

“I’ll start the papers to get him transferred to SunValley Hospital.”

Howie reached out and put a hand ontop of AJ’s. “Could you just sit still? You’re probably drilling bruises in your thighs.”

AJ shifted in the seat, tilting his head back. “I can’t help it, you know how I am when I get nervous and mister clean air won’t let me smoke in the car!”

“I’m thinking about others besides me, AJ!” Kevin growled, his eyes never leaving the road as he drove the rental car down the highway.

Brian shook his head, reaching into his front pocket. “Here.....chew some gum then,” he stated as he offered the pack over the front seat.

AJ snorted when he looked at the yellow pack of Juicy Fruit Gum. “Figures you’d eat something labeled ‘fruit.’ “

“Huh? Oh for the love of God, why do you constantly insist that someone is gay all the time?” Brian admonished.

“Not saying a word....”

“At least I stick with one woman....”

”SHUT UP AND QUIT THE BICKERING!” Kevin yelled as he guided the car down the exit ramp. “We’re almost there and no one has said anything nice since we left the airport!”

“I can’t believe it’s been three months since we last saw Nicky,” Howie thought outloud.

“I know,” Brian agreed quietly. “It wasn’t our decision though, that doctor Sizesomething....”

“Seizmoralez,” Kevin corrected.

“Yeah, Seizmoralez told family members that they had to stay away because Nick wouldn’t know us anyway and that us being there would only overstimulate him.”

“Which I think is a load of bullshit,” AJ muttered, placing a cigarette in his mouth.

Howie narrowed his eyes at his brother only to have AJ focus his attention out the window, deliberately ignoring him.

“Wonder if Nick’s family has been there yet?” Brian questioned.

“I doubt that, you know that Aaron is their golden child and they’re much too busy with his life to be concerned over their fucked up son.....”

”AJ! that’s uncalled for!” Brian hissed.

“Well it’s true,” he replied defensively, clicking open his lighter and quickly lighting the cigarette.

“I thought I said no smoking in the car!” Kevin growled.

AJ took a deep drag from the cigarette, exhaling blue smoke as he replied, “Yeah, you did.”

“Put it out then!”

“So we have to pay a fine for smoking in a non-smoking rental car, big deal.”

“No, it’s more like you’re going to pay the fine, not us,” Howie corrected.

“Look....we’re here!” Brian announced quickly.

No one spoke as the car was guided through the stone archway and up the circle drive. The manicured shrubs and blossom trees made the setting look peaceful and serene.

“Looks like a nice facility,” Howie commented.

“Looks like a goddman nuthouse,” AJ grumbled, taking another deep drag off his cigarette.

“I’m tempted to leave you in this hot car in the sun......with the windows closed,” Kevin threatened.

Lowering the automatic window, AJ flipped the cigarette butt out expertly with his thumb and forefinger. He was quickly met with Kevin’s disapproving eyes in the rearview mirror.

AJ slumped back into his seat, folding his arms across his chest. “Send me a fine for that too, mister clean environment.”

Kevin pulled into a parking space and quickly turned in his seat to face AJ. “You’ve done nothing but complain this entire trip. Why are you making this so difficult for everyone?”

“I’m not a child and you’re not my father,” AJ spat.

Kevin killed the engine. “Just make this a happy visit, okay, that’s all I ask from you.”

AJ quickly exited the car, slamming the door. “Oh, park far enough away from the building?”

Kevin shoved the keys in his front pocket after he got out of the car. He raked a hand through his hair as he started walking across the lot toward the entrance, Brian half-running to keep up with his cousin’s long legged strides.

Howie placed a hand on AJ’s shoulder. “J, I know this is a difficult situation for you, but please, you have to know this situation wasn’t your fault.”

“I don’t need your sympathic counselling, I’m fine, let’s just get this visit overwith.”

Kevin and Brian waited for the other two to meet up with them at the entrance. Brian tugged at the doors only to find them locked. “It’s locked.”

“Now I know this is a nuthouse,” AJ mumbled.

“There’s a box by the door, I guess you push it to get buzzed in or something,” Howie pointed.

With a shrug of his shoulders, Brian punched the red button and true to Howie’s words, the door buzzed and clicked, signalling that it was now unlocked.

Once inside, the bustle of the staff indicated that this was a thriving hospital. There were wheelchairs and walkers in the hallway with patients wandering up and down the halls. No one was wearing hospital gowns, they were all dressed in sweatpants and tee shirts or sweatshirts.

Kevin approached the front desk. “We’re here to see Nick Carter.”

“Oh, he’s in room 1214, down the hall and take the elevators on your left, second floor,” the receptionist gestured with her pen towards the hall.

AJ dragged his feet as he followed his brothers toward the elevator, trying not to look at the various faces of the patients that were wandering the hall. “Welcome to hell,” he muttered as he thrust his hands into his front pockets.

The four Backstreet Boys stepped off the elevator on the second floor. The set up was the same as the first floor, long dark carpeted halls and soft lighting. The staff was obvious from the patients as they were dressed in brightly colored scrub uniforms, wearing pictured name tags. Outside of each patient room was a printed name plate identifying the occupants of each room.

Suddenly feeling chilled, AJ rubbed his forearms as he looked at his surroundings. Approaching room 1214, a name plate was outside of the doorway; NICK C. AJ suddenly felt a pang of guilt as he stared at the nameplate.

“This must be Nick’s room,” Brian surmised outloud.

“No duh,” AJ grumbled.

“Nick?” Kevin called out as he knocked on the side of the open door. The group hesitantly edged their way into the brightly lit room only to discover that Nick wasn’t there.

Looking around the room, Howie felt the need to break the tense silence as he looked at the pictures that were taped to the pale blue painted walls. “Look at the artwork that some kid must have done for Nick.”

AJ squinted as he leaned toward a hand drawn picture. “It wasn’t a kid, Nick’s name is on the bottom.”

They gathered around the crudely drawn picture of a house and a tree. True to AJ’s words, a childish looking niCk had been written on the bottom of the page going uphill.

“I don’t think I can take this,” AJ mumbled as he looked around the room.

Brian clamped a hand on the tattooed man’s arm. “You’re not going anywhere Jay!”

“Quit blaming yourself AJ, you haven’t even seen Nick yet, who knows, this might have been something that he drew when he first came here or something,” Howie replied.

“Howie’s right, how do you even know that this is our Nick that drew this?” Kevin wondered. “Nick is a pretty common name.”

“Yeah but I really doubt that a kid named Nick drew this for Kaos,” AJ muttered.

Brian sighed as he took in the surroundings of the room, grinning as his eyes fell onto the unmade bed. “Well one this sure hasn’t changed with Nick. He still hasn’t learned how to make his bed in the morning and it’s already after two in the afternoon.”

“Do you want me to go see if someone knows where Nick is at?” Howie offered.

“No, I’ll go.”

Brian grabbed AJ’s arm before he could leave the room. “Oh no you don’t! Stay put, Howie can see where Nick’s at, I don’t trust you to come back.”

AJ pulled Brian’s arm away. “Jesus Brian, give me some credit.”

Howie had only been gone for a few moments when he quickly returned. “One of the nurses....I guess they’re nurses here, but anyway one of the nurses said she thought Nick was in the television room. She was gonna go get him and bring him down here.”

“This is a nuthouse,” AJ sputtered.

“Would you stop saying that!” Kevin snapped in an exasperated tone.

“Nick, you have some friends that have come to visit you,” a woman’s voice sing-songed in the hallway.

Four pairs of eyes looked with anticipation at the empty doorway. An obviously slightly heavier, healthier Nick suddenly appeared, eyes darting nervously from face to face of the men assembled in his room. He quickly stepped behind the nurse that had escorted him back to his bedroom.

“Aw, Nick don’t be shy, they’re friends of yours,” the woman paused as she looked at the men with, hoping for a response from them, quickly adding, “right?”

“Yeah, c’mere Nick, we want to see you,” Brian coaxed.

”NO!” Nick suddenly protested quietly.

“Nick it’s just us,” Howie stated, his voice filled with emotion.

Nick slowly stepped beside the nurse, biting a fingernail as he looked around the woman at the guys; a look of confusion flashed in his eyes.

“Nicky, it’s me, Kevin.”

“And Howie.”

“Brian.....remember?”

Nick’s eyes went from face to face as each of them introduced themselves. His gaze stopped at AJ’s face, staring at the number of tattoos on the man’s arm. Wordlessly, he lifted a sleeve from his own shoulder looking at his own tattoo and then back over at AJ’s.

“See, just like AJ,” Brian remarked when he realized that Nick was trying to identify himself with AJ. Quickly, Brian pulled up his own sleeve exposing that tattoo on his own shoulder.

Nick grinned sheepishly. “You got one too!”

“Yeah, except for tight laced D but you know we’ve been working on him for years,” AJ rasped.

“Nick, I’m going to leave you with your company now,” the nurse stated as she guided Nick toward the room with a gentle shove in the back. Nick looked back at the woman. “You’ll be fine, they’re your friends.”

“We’re your brothers,” Brian corrected.

Nick cautiously edged his way into the room, slowly making his way toward his unmade bed.

They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, the guys looking at Nick and Nick staring down at his feet. It was Kevin who decided to break the tension in the room.

“Did you draw these pictures?”

Nick slipped his finger back into his mouth, biting the fingernail. “Uh-huh,” he nodded, looking toward the picture that Kevin was pointing at.

“God you’d never be able to get him to shut up before, now it’s like pulling teeth getting him to talk,” AJ mumbled.

Brian glared at AJ. “Shhh!”

As if Nick understood what was going on, he suddenly piped up. “I drew all of them,” he added shyly.

“You know you were quite the artist,” Howie replied.

A confused expression crossed Nick’s face.

“You drew quite well,” Kevin clarified.

“Oh......I like spaghetti-o’s,” Nick announced with a grin.

“Where the hell did that come from?” AJ scowled.

“The spaghetti-o’s with the meat in it,” Nick stated with a serious expression. “Not the ones with nothing in them.”

“I like the spaghetti-o’s with the tiny hot dogs,” Howie winked.

“Oh for chrissake, now we’re talking about food?!” AJ sputtered as he folded his arms across his chest.

“Small talk,” Brian advised.

Nick stared at the men for a moment before jumping off the bed over to the small chest of drawers. He carefully opened the top drawer and plucked a small leather book out. He sat back on the bed, pawing through the pages. “This is you?”

He held the book up for everyone to see a group professional picture of The Backstreet Boys.

“Yeah, that’s us Nicky, you’re in it too, see?” Kevin replied, pointing at the picture.

AJ suddenly pushed himself away from the wall. “I gotta get out of here!”

“Where do you think you’re going?” Kevin demanded.

“I need a smoke, clear my head---”

“Smoking is bad,” Nick said firmly.

“Well you smoked too you know,” AJ rasped.

“No, smoking is bad,” Nick replied, shaking his head.

“AJ, c’mon,” Brian pleaded.

“I can’t help it, I need to get out of here,” AJ said softly as he made his way toward the door.

“Why are you sad?” Nick asked.

“He feels bad for you,” Kevin stated simply.

“Why?”

“See.....I-I just can’t deal with this,” AJ said as he ducked out the door.

Howie excused himself as he left the room to make sure AJ was okay. Nick looked puzzled as he watched the events that had just happened.

“AJ is sad, don’t worry he’ll be fine,” Brian assured.

“Why is he sad?”

A lump formed in Brian’s throat as he looked at his best friend’s face and the innocence that it held. “He feels responsible for what happened to you.”

“What happened to me?”

Brian and Kevin’s heart sank when Nick uttered the question. He didn’t understand what was going on! He couldn’t possibly understand! Sitting before them was a young man that had a complete child-like innocence trapped in a twenty-something year old man’s body. How could they possibly begin to explain to him what had happened?

“Hello, I’m Dr. Amanda Setterton, one of Nick’s physicians here,” a young woman announced when she entered the room, her hand extended toward Kevin.

“Hi Dr. Mandy,” Nick smiled.

“Nick, can you go down to the dayroom so I can talk to your friends, okay?” the dark haired woman requested.

“Okay!” Cheerfully, Nick jumped off the bed and obediently walked out of the room, leaving Kevin and Brian with the doctor.

“One of the nurses called and told me that he had family members visiting him, but I was expecting his parents, or at least Mr. or Mrs. Carter.”

“Bob and Jane have been here to see him?” Kevin questioned.

Dr. Setterton shook her head. “No, not so far, but I’m hoping it will be sometime soon.”

‘Figures as much,’ Kevin thought darkly. “This is our first time seeing Nick since he was placed here at Sunvalley.”

“He has made such wonderful progress,” Dr. Setterton gushed as she opened the gray chart. “With his speech and physical therapy he’s come further than was expected at the time of his admission.”

“How well?” Kevin wondered outloud.

“Well when Nick was tested when he was admitted to Sunvalley, he had the mental capacity of an infant and he was tested last week and it has been determined that he has progressed to the mental capacity of an eight year old child with the motor skills of about the same level.”

Brian and Kevin sat in stunned silence. After a few moments, Kevin sighed.

“Will he be getting any better?” Brian wondered.

“We hope so, but at this point I’m not sure. With the damage to his brain from the alcohol and narcotics I’m unable to ascertain. I’m sorry, I wish I could be specific.”

“So he improved pretty quickly,” Kevin asked.

“Better than I’ve ever seen in my career here. I would have expected him to be at a cognitive level of a fifteen month old but I believe his determination and stubborn nature aided him in his recovery up to this point.”

Brian and Kevin smiled at the mention of Nick having a stubborn nature.

The doctor looked puzzled at their smiles. “Am I missing something?”

“No, just you not really knowing Nick but seeing that he has a stubborn personality hit the nail on the head,” Brian clarified.

“Do you think it will ever be possible for Nick to leave this place?” both men questioned.

The doctor arched an eyebrow. “On his own?”

“Maybe? I guess um, well you know....” Brian’s voice trailed off.

The woman shook her head. “On his own, no, he will have to be watched, remember I said he is like an eight year old boy. But now if you were suggesting he be able to leave with a family member, that is possible and I think it would have to be up to Nick if he was ready to leave....”

“Up to Nick? You just said he was like an eight year old,” Brian interrupted.

“Yes I did, but if you didn’t realize, Nick does not have any memories of his life before Sunvalley, as far as he would be concerned, this is his home and we are his family. He may not want to leave.”

Brian’s heart sank when the words hit him like a slap in the face.

“Could we see if he wanted to go out with us....you know sort of like wean him away from being dependant on Sunvalley?” Kevin suggested.

“Yeah, that could work,” Brian agreed.

“You’d have to see if Nick’s parents would be agreeable to something like that,” Dr. Setterton replied. “After all, they are his legal guardians.”

“I’m sure Bob and Jane would agree,” Kevin replied.

“If you think that would be something you’d be willing to try, I can have them contacted.”

“Call them,” Kevin stated, “the easier this would be for them, the better it would be for Nick.”

Can't wait

Kevin guided the rental SUV into a parking space near the front entrance to the adult foster care home that Nick was living at. His thoughts drifted to the realty of what brought them to this day. Two years ago they were all at the top of their careers with Backstreet; wiped out in a blink of an eye from carelessness of alcohol and drug consumption. He was jerked from his thoughts when he felt an obvious tap on the shoulder.

"Are you going to go in with us?"

Raking a hand through his thick hair, Kevin looked wearily into his cousin's face. "Huh?"

Brian grinned at his cousin's confusion. "I asked if you were going in with us to get Nick....man, you were spacing out just like Nicky always did."

Clearing his throat as he pulled the keys from the ignition Kevin quickly grunted, "Yeah, coming."

Jogging to catch up with Brian and AJ, Kevin shook his head when he noticed that Howie was already standing at the locked entrance, finger pressing on the buzzer.

"What the heck, did D run up to the door or something?"

"He walked, you just were too busy thinking to notice," AJ rasped, taking another deep drag from his cigarette.

"Can't you hold off on the smokes for just one day?" Kevin pleaded.

"And you can kiss my ass," AJ snarled as he exhaled the smoke through clenched teeth.

"The door is unlocked," Howie happily informed as he held it partially open. "Hurry up!"

"You'd think Nick would be waiting for us," AJ grumbled as he scanned the lobby.

Brian leaned toward the tatooed rebel. "Could you please stop being negative for once?"

"May I help you?" a young woman sitting behind the counter asked.

"We're just looking for Nick," Kevin answered.

The woman flashed a toothy smile. "Oh you're the ones!"

AJ looked at the woman with surprize. "Is there something we don't know about?"

The woman extended her hand out to AJ. "My name is Gail and well, you're all Nick has been talking about since he got up this morning."

A smile tugged at the corners of AJ's mouth. "He has?"

Gail nodded in agreement. "I guess the night staff had their work cut out for them in trying to get him to settle down for bed, one of the nurses found Nick sitting in bed, fully dressed in the dark waiting for you guys to come and get him and it was two o'clock!"

The smile on AJ's face quickly faded. "Why would he do that?"

Gail sighed. "Well you know, he can't tell time so he wasn't sure when you would be here and I guess he got so wound up and all."

AJ stared at the woman with an expressionless face.

"I'll go see if he's ready," Gail said as she walked away from the men.

"I don't want to do this," AJ mumbled.

"Huh?" Howie whispered, hoping he didn't hear what he thought he had just heard coming from AJ.

Without answering, AJ turned away sharply, heading toward the double doors leading to the exit. His mission in trying to leave was foiled when he discovered that the doors were locked.

"WHAT THE HELL!""

"Jay, get the hell back here," Kevin hissed at his rebel brother through clenched teeth.

AJ ignored Kevin's demands as he continued to tug at the locked entrance, his eyes scanning the wall for a button to press that would unlock the doors. "I-I can't do this," he stammered as he pulled at the doors. The tears that were welled up in his eyes were starting to blur his vision. After a few moments of frantically trying to break free of the adult foster care facility, he felt a gentle hand rubbing his back.

"AJ, it will be okay, this won't be as bad as you think it will," Howie soothed.

"I can't do this D," the rebel softly sighed.

"It's just gonna be Nick and us, you can do this."

AJ hung his head, still standing at the door. He closed his eyes when he heard Brian's voice call out to Nick. He didn't want to turn around and see Nick approach the group in the lobby. It was something AJ was having a hard time facing. The guys had told him several times that what had happened to Nick wasn't his fault, but he couldn't convince himself that what they were telling him was true.

He blamed himself for not staying with Nick after he dumped the rest of the whiskey down the drain and then let him stay by himself knowing he was already drunk.

If he had stayed, Nick wouldn't have made that choice and took those pills that almost killed him.

They kept reminding AJ that it was an accident, it wasn't anything that Nick had done to himself intentionally. But AJ still blamed himself for what had happened and how it had left his little brother.

"Jay? Nick's talking to you."

Screwing his eyes shut, he tried to will himself to anyplace that wasn't associated with SunValley. His attempt to distance himself from reality was interrupted when he felt a poke on his back.

"Where are we going?"

Clearing his throat, he looked up into Nick's eyes. "Um, no one said anything to me about where we were going. I suppose out for lunch."

Nick's eyes widened and he clapped his hands. "Out for lunch? I never done that before."

"Did that before," Kevin corrected.

"Huh?"

"Kev, could you just lay off correcting the poor kid for once....hell it gets old listening to you correct anyone for that matter!" AJ snarled. He turned his attention back to Nick. "I'm not sure where we're going, nobody tells me anything."

"What are you hungry for Nick?" Brian questioned, smiling.

Nick shrugged his shoulders in reply. "I just eat when I go to the dining room."

"Well what do you like to eat?" Howie asked, "What is your favorite thing in the world to eat?"

"Spaghettios......the ones with the meat in it---"

"Here we go with the spaghettios again---" AJ rasped.

"Broader spectrum Nick," Kevin interrupted.

"Huh?"

"Train, he don't understand your words, dumbass," AJ snapped. "Speak plain English! When you have kids they'll be beaten up in the playground---"

"Probably by your kids," Brian added with a smirk.

"Whatever, at least my kids will have some balls!"

Nick stood watching the verbal tennis match in silence and confusion. He didn't understand that they were playfully teasing and was growing upset listening to them. Out of the corner of his eye, Howie noticed Nick's face constricted with confusion and the tears that were pooling in his eyes.

"So Nicky I bet you like pasta, you know stuff like spaghetti, mac and cheese?"

The young blonde shook his head vigorously. "I love macaroni and cheese!"

AJ shook his head in disgust. "Where the fuck are you gonna find a mac and cheese restaurant?"

Nick scowled. "Thats a bad word!"

"You said fuck all the time kid," AJ replied.

"No I don't say that!"

"You said fuck and shit and---"

"Jay! Would you leave Nick alone? You're just making him mad!" Kevin spat. "Lets just go to the car and decide what we're gonna do out there, alright?"

As the four men headed toward the front door, Nick stood stock still, a finger in his mouth. Once they reached the door, they realized that Nick wasn't following them.

"Nick? C'mon we're going," Kevin ordered.

"I can't," Nick mumbled.

Kevin furrowed his brow in confusion. "Can't? Yes you can, your mom and dad gave us permission for you to go out with us to eat."

"I can't because I'm suppose to take someones hand when I leave," Nick explained.

"Oh for christsake," AJ muttered. "They will definately think we're fags if we do that."

One of the nurses put her arm around Nick's shoulders as she guided him toward his bandbrothers. "Nick, that is a rule for you when you go out on our field days to keep you with everyone so we don't lose you, but its just going to be you and your friends so you won't get lost, you'll be okay. When you go with them you won't have to hold anyone's hand, do you understand?"

Nick nodded mutely.

"Good, go have fun with them, okay?"

Brian gave Nick's arm a gentle squeeze. "You can stay by me if you want."

Nick pointed toward AJ. "I want to stay by him."

AJ jerked when he heard Nick's comment. Although he knew that no harm was meant by Nick, he still couldn't help but feel responsible for the predicament his young brother was in. Pasting a smile on his face, he tried to push the guilt feelings aside - at least for today.

"The boy always had good taste.....c'mon Nick, I'll show you the ropes...."

"God help us all," Brian, Howie and Kevin sighed in unison.

A hesitant Nick tagged along with AJ as the men walked out in the parking lot toward the rented SUV. An uncharacteristically silent Nick entered the vehicle, sandwiched between AJ and Brian, with Kevin and Howie seated in the front.

"So Nick, I bet you'd like to eat some cheesy pizza," Brian remarked as he looked out the window at the passing scenery.

Nick scrunched his face up in disgust. "I don't like pizza."

AJ and Brian jerked at the response from the young man.

"Did I just hear what I thought I heard you say Nick? You don't like pizza?"

Nick repeated, "I don't like pizza."

"Nick, you love pizza. You used to sneak a pizza delivery up to your hotel room when we were touring," AJ explained.

Nick shook his head defiantly. "I don't like pizza."

"Nick--"

"Jay, let it go, he doesn't like pizza. How about french fries, you like french fries, don't you?" Brian asked.

Nick grinned. "With lots of ketchup."

This time AJ scowled. "You hate ketchup!"

Howie looked over the back seat and tossed an annoyed glare at AJ. "Nick, what do you like on your hamburgers?"

"Mustard and pickels oh and cheese....but I don't want a hamburger."

Kevin looked in the review mirror. "What are you hungry for Nick?"

Sticking his index finger in his mouth, Nick shrugged his shoulders in reply. AJ quickly pulled Nick's finger out of his mouth. "You can't answer with your goddamn hands in your mouth."

Nick's eyes grew round. "You said a bad word."

AJ sighed. "Nevermind, I'm sorry, answer Kevin...he wants to know what you're hungry for since you've already ruled out pizza and hamburgs. I also think that it would be a good idea to get something to go and find a desserted park to eat at like a picnic."

"Why can't we take him to a restaurant?" Brian asked. "You don't want to be seen with Nick or something?"

This time it was AJ that shrugged his shoulders. "It's not that I don't want to be seen.....it's more like I don't want people staring at him and stuff I mean he's been out of public view for over a year and people....you know how mean people can be and I don't think Nick needs to be exposed to this."

Howie shook his head. "I don't think people are going to approach us, I'm pretty sure they'll leave us alone."

"I guess its not a good idea, okay? Can we just leave it at that? It's not a good idea..." AJ hissed, folding his arms across his chest and slouching down into the seat.

After a few moments, Brian finally broke the silence. "You know, I think AJ has a valid point. This is our first time out with Nick and we don't know exactly how things will be going so why don't we get some stuff and have a good old fashioned picnic someplace."

"That's a good idea Rok, I think I saw a park on our way to the nuthouse from the airport," AJ rasped.

Kevin shook his head in disgust. "Jay would you stop calling Sun Valley a nuthouse? That's not a very nice thing to say."

AJ stuck his tongue out at Kevin, causing Nick to go into a giggling fit.

"You like that Nicky?" AJ grinned.

Nick shook his head. "I do that when Nurse Mary isn't looking....she's mean."

Kevin looked in the rearview mirror. "I'm hoping you aren't talking about giving people the finger."

"Nah cuz, Jay stuck his tongue out at you and Nick pretty much thought that was classic," Brian informed.

"Nicky, do you like chicken?" Howie questioned as he turned around in the front seat.

Nick shook his head yes. "I love chicken!"

"Halleuia!" Kevin cried out. "Done deal, we'll stop at KFC and get a barrel of chicken and the fixins and call it a picnic."

Once they found a Kentucky Fried Chicken, Kevin, Howie and Brian walked into the restaurant leaving AJ and Nick in the car. Kevin was deliberate in leaving the tattooed rebel alone with Nick. He knew that AJ was carrying guilt and Kevin felt that some one on one time with Nick would help him come to grips with Nick and accept him the way he is.

"Sooooo um, Nick, do you know what you did before this?"

"Before what?"

"Well before you went to the hospital?"

Confusion spread over the young man's face. "When was I in the hospital?"

AJ sighed as he looked out the window trying to figure out words that Nick would understand. "Okay, do you remember when you were in a band with us?"

Nick furrowed his brow. "I was in a band with you guys?"

"Yep. You were pretty good too, you sang your heart out kid."

"I sang?" Nick asked, eyes widened. "IN FRONT OF PEOPLE?"

"Yeah, tons of people, you were on TV and stuff."

Nick shook his head. "DID NOT."

"Yeah you did too. The girls loved you."

Nick scrunched his face up. "Girls are icky."

"Kaos, what are you saying you like boys now?"

Nick shook his head. "NOOOOO!"

"Shhhh kid, quiet down you're drawing attention to us!"

Nick rocked violently back and forth in the seat shaking his head. "I DON'T LIKE BOYS!"

AJ swatted at his brother. "Knock it the fuck off!"

Nick stopped rocking and stared at AJ with his mouth open. "You said a bad word."

Howie, Kevin and Brian left the store in time to catch a tearful Nick yelling at AJ in the backseat.

"Whoa....whoa. what's wrong Nicky?" Brian asked as he slipped into the backseat next to his young brother.

"He said bad words and he hit me!"

Brian placed a comforting arm around his best friend. "I'm sure AJ didn't mean what he said and he also didn't mean to hit you."

Nick glared at AJ as he tried to move farther away from AJ's side of the seat. After Howie had placed the food in the back of the car he rescued Nick from his tormentor.

"Jay go take a seat up front with Kevin, I'll sit back here with Brian and Nick."

AJ didn't hesitate and quickly exited the vehicle.

"I wanna go home," Nick sniffled quietly as Howie took AJ's place in the backseat.

"What did you say Nicky?" the Latino asked.

Nick wiped the tears off his cheeks. "I wanna go home now."

"Nicky, AJ didn't mean what he said, he's sorry," Howie soothed. Nick set his jaw, his eyes cast downward. "Just give him a chance, you know he can't be that bad I mean you guys both have tattoos."

Kevin shot a dirty look at AJ as he settled into the front seat. "Tell Nick you're sorry," he hissed quietly, leaning over to punch the rebel in the thigh. "Now!"

AJ jerked and quickly rubbed the offended area. "Nick I'm sorry kid....I didn't mean it. Friends?"

Nick stuck his bottom lip out as he pouted.

"Oh for the love of God!" AJ rasped. "This is something the kid never dropped....pull the lip back in Carter. I said I'm sorry, get over it, okay?"

"See Nicky," Brian said cheerfully, "AJ said he's sorry. Lets make up and we'll have fun at the park, alright?"

Nick looked at AJ suspiciously. "I guess," he whimpered.

Kevin glanced up into the rearview mirror. "There, that wasn't so bad now, was it?"

"No it was quite lovely," AJ mocked.

"Kev, that lady at KFC said to turn on Packard," Howie reminded as he saw the wanted street approaching. Kevin guided the vehicle in the direction that was given to the park. Just as Brian, Howie and Kevin had been promised by the woman, they pulled into a large park surrounded by woods. There were several picnic tables and a large wooden play area complete with a pirate ship and several swings.

"Wow!" Nick cried when he saw the play area.

Kevin barely had the car pulled into a parking space when Nick already had his seatbelt unfastened and a hand on the door.

Brian placed a firm hand on the blonde's arm. "Wait for the car to stop!"

Nick obeyed and as soon as Kevin killed the engine, he sprung out of the car and ran toward the play area. The rest of the group got out of the car, AJ being the last, pulling a cigarette to his lips, watching Nick climb onto the pirate ship. "This was a bad fucking idea," he mumbled as he watched Nick. "All we need now is for someone to show up."

Brian smiled as he stood next to AJ, watching Nick. "Did you say something Jay?"

Lighting the cigarette, AJ shook his head. "Nope."

Instead of helping the others unpack the lunch and set up, AJ wandered off by himself, standing next to the edge of the creek that flowed through the edge of the park. With a shrug of indifference, AJ drew in a deep breath of niccotine as he tried to console himself with his security blanket of the tobacco smoke.

A few moments had passed before AJ realized that someone was standing next to him.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Christ - D - why the hell do you sneak up on people?" AJ rasped as tossed the cigarette butt into the creek.

"I didn't sneak up on you, I've been standing next to you for almost five minutes," Howie defended.

Drawing a fresh cigarette from the pack, AJ scowled. "Yeah..yeah."

The two were silent for a few moments before Howie finally spoke. "What are you thinking about?"

"Stuff."

Howie nodded wordlessly and then directed his attention to the other side of the park where Nick had been joined by Brian on the wooden pirate ship. He shook his head, laughing. "Would you look at those two!"

AJ glanced over toward the play area and then quickly directed his attention back toward picking off invisible lint on his tee shirt.

"We should go join them.....that looks like fun," Howie continued.

"Go on, no one's stopping you," AJ muttered.

Howie's expression softened as he looked at the younger Latino. "Jay....you gotta stop doing this to yourself."

AJ forced a chuckle. "Stop doing what? I'm not doing anything."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!"

"Just drop it.....okay? You guys seem to be so hell bent on analyzing me for every freakin thing that happens and I'm getting sick of it!"

"You can't keep blaming yourself," Howie pressed.

"Blaming myself for what?"

"For what happened to Nick----"

AJ rolled his eyes as he laughed bitterly. "So here we go again......I'm out here smoking a cigarette by myself and you automatically think I am standing here thinking that it's all my fault and I'm wallowing in self pity!"

"What else are we suppose to think?" Howie asked.

AJ shrugged his shoulders as he took a deep drag from the cigarette.

Howie stepped in front of the tattooed rebel. "Jay.....remember what I said about taking this one day at a time?"

AJ nodded. "Yeah...but it's kinda hard to do that."

Howie sighed. "I know......we all want Nick to get better instantly but this will take time and remember the docs said that he may never be 100% of what he used to be. We have to accept this and just take it one day at a time."

"But still.....if I had stayed with him instead of just dumping the whiskey down the drain, he would be the same Nick---"

"AJ would you just listen to what I'm telling you! Nick was an adult and made his own choices but unfortunately for him it was the wrong choices. What happened to him was an accident! It wasn't deliberate and there was nothing you could have done to stop him from mixing those medications with the alcohol that was in his system.....how do you know that he wouldn't have done that to himself with you laying in the room? You can't second guess yourself! Nick would probably be blaming himself too if the tables were turned but you know what? You gotta just start taking this one day at a time and pray that things will get better for Nick."

AJ stared at Brian and Nick playing on the pirate ship. "I just want him to be better."

"I know...."

Drawing a last drag from the cigarette, AJ flicked the butt into the creek with his thumb and index finger.

"Jay you shouldn't do that!" Howie admonished.

"Shut the fuck up," AJ growled. "That's Kevin's platform to complain about the environment."

"Yeah but still---"

"Let's go over and kick some pirate ass," AJ rasped as he started off in the direction of the play area.

"I'm right behind ya," Howie called out as he ran to catch up.

"Halt! Who goes there?" Nick sternly cried out from the side of the ship.

"Permission to come aboard?" Howie playfully asked.

Nick peered over the edge. "Who are you?" he demanded.

"Cap'an AJ and his first mate Howie," AJ called out.

"First mate? I wanna be the captain!" Howie whined.

"You'd be more like Cap'n Crunch," AJ snarled.

"Ahoy there!"

Howie and AJ directed their gaze to the crows nest ontop of the play ship. "Rok, I thought you were scared of heights!" AJ rasped.

"I am," Brian admitted. "It's not that high up," he added.

"Silence! you do not have permission to speak, mate," Nick barked.

Brian saluted Nick, masking a look of stern expression on his face. "Permission to speak?"

"NO!"

AJ laughed at Nick's response.

Nick directed his attention back to AJ, pointed a tree branch at him. "I will shoot you you for that!"

AJ cocked his head to one side. "Pirates didn't use guns, dumbass!"

"Do too," Nick argued.

"Do not!" AJ countered.

"Do too--"

"Guys.....guys! It's Nick's game and if he says pirates have guns then for the love of God, let him have a gun!" Howie stated.

Nick gestured with the stick at Howie. "He can come aboard," then he pointed at AJ. "you can't."

"Try and stop me you little freak," AJ challenged as he took a step forward.

"I'll shoot you if you take another step!" Nick threatened.

"GUYS.....LUNCH IS READY!" Kevin called out from the picnic area.

Nick wasted no time as he climbed onto of the edge of the ship and jumped landing feet first in the sandy ground below, running full speed toward the picnic area.

"Well there's one thing that hasn't changed," AJ pointed out as he waited for Brian to climb off the ship.

"What's that?" Howie asked.

"That kid never misses a meal."

"Here Nick you need to wash your hands before you touch anything," Kevin reminded as he handed a bottle of antibacterial hand wash to the young man.

Nick balked at the bottle. "I don't need to, my hands aren't dirty."

"Yes they are, you've been playing on that ship and you need to wash your hands."

Flipping the top of the lid off Nick, sniffed the contents. "This smells yucky."

"Would you just wash your hands!"

"But it smells," he protested.

Kevin handed a napkin to the young man. "So wipe your hands off afterwards."

"Nick pass that bottle to me when you get done," Howie asked.

Nick handed the bottle over to the Latino.

"You wash your hands first," Kevin reminded.

"It smells!"

"Nick you need to wash the germies off your hands," Howie stated. "See, just a little squirt and rub your hands together and it's done. No big deal."

"Then how come he didn't wash his hands before eating?" Nick scowled as he pointed at AJ holding a chicken leg in his hand.

"Because AJ is a dumbass," Brian replied. "Bone, wash your hands before you touch anything else!"

AJ glared at Brian. "Why? My hands aren't dirty."

Kevin leveled a dark stare at the rebel. "Set a good example!"

AJ tossed the drumstick onto the paper plate. "Okay okay...."

Nick watched as AJ squirted a small amount of the colorless liquid into the palm of his hand and rubbed them together. He couldn't help but take notice of the young blonde studying his movements and then tossed the bottle to the young man. "See Kaos, just a little squirt and you're done."

Finally, Nick obediently opened his hands and waited as Howie squirted a small amount into the open palm. After he was finished washing his hands, he sat patiently as the others were filling their plates.

Brian noticed Nick sitting there not making a move toward the food. "Aren't you gonna eat? I thought you were hungry."

"No one fixed my plate," Nick quietly said.

"This ain't a restaurant boy, just fix yourself stuff," AJ replied.

"I've never done that," Nick answered sheepishly.

"It's okay Nicky you can do that yourself, just grab a plate and dig in," Kevin urged.

"Yeah it's okay Nick," Brian coaxed.

"Now I see why he hasn't progressed," AJ added with a mouthful of food.

Brian looked over at the rebel questioningly. "How so?"

"Well they don't let him fix his own plate...."

"He's in a facility, I'm sure their meals aren't set up like a buffet line," Kevin pointed out as he watched Nick help himself to a small scoop of mashed potatoes. "Nick you can take more than that."

Nick hesitated for a moment and then quickly took a hearty scoop of the potatoes. Soon he was moving toward the salads and then helped himself to two large pieces of chicken.

"Now that's the Kaos I know and love," AJ smiled as he watched Nick sit down with his plate.

The picinic was eaten in silence as everyone helped themselves to seconds and thirds.

AJ groaned as he pushed the plate away, patting his stomach. "Boy that was good."

Nick burped loudly.

"And the manners that Kaos had is still there too I see," AJ commented with a grin.

"Did you have enough to eat little man?" Kevin asked.

Nick nodded. "It was good."

"We should have brought a clean shirt along with us," Kevin decided as he took notice of the spilled gravy on the front of the blonde's tee shirt.

"Here Nicky....wipe your shirt off with this," Howie commented as he handed a wet nap to the young man.

Nick obediently wiped the shirt and quickly threw the towelette down, looking up at Kevin. "Can I go back and play now?"

"You just finished eating, don't you think you need to let your food settle, you'll get a cramp," the Kentuckian replied.

"Dude, thats for swimming," AJ rasped.

"So are you going to go with him?"

"Kaos doesn't need anyone to tag along right now," AJ replied as he drew a cigarette out of a pack.

"C'mon AJ......I'll let you on the ship," Nick begged.

"Go on.....I'll catch up after I have my smoke," AJ said.

Nick then looked at Brian. "Will you go with me?"

Brian groaned. "Nick I'm so full I don't think I can budge."

"No one wants to play," Nick pouted.

"Go ahead, we'll be over there in a little bit," Howie encouraged with a smile.

Without hesitating, Nick ran off toward the ship with the rest of his band brothers watching him from the picnic table.

"It's your turn to go play pirates Kevin," AJ pointed out as he exhaled a cloud of cigarrette smoke.

"If I go, we all go," Kevin replied. "I need to clean this up before we do anything."

"You are acting like D," AJ laughed as he watched the older man clear the table.

Howie narrowed his eyes at the rebel. "So what's wrong with cleaning up after dinner?"

AJ shook his head and laughed. His laughter was cut short when he heard the sound of a car pulling into the parking lot. "Shit.......we got company."

Brian's eyes followed AJ's. "So? It's a public place and I'm sure they'll leave us alone."

"I'm not worried about us," AJ rasped as he watched the group of young girls exit the car.

Stirred Up Memories

"Christ," AJ muttered as he glanced back at the young girls gathering at the picnic table near theirs. "Shouldn't we just call Nick over and leave?"

Kevin paused for a moment as he looked over at the young women setting down at the picnic table. "No.....we're fine."

AJ gestured with a nod toward the play area where Nick was. "But what about Nick?"

Marching over toward the trash can, Kevin heaved the empty food containers. "What about it?" he questioned, his emerald eyes boring into the tattooed rebel.

"Well....it's just that.....you know..."

"No I don't know, why don't you tell me what you're thinking," Kevin challenged.

"Jay, I'm sure everything will be okay," Howie stated, desperate to prevent a confrontation between the older man and AJ.

"Yeah, Nick's fine over there," Brian added.

Kevin however wasn't about to let the subject drop. "So please clarify what is bugging the hell out of you."

AJ's chocolate brown eyes locked in with Kevin's emerald greens with a stare down. The two men were acting like a dog with a bone and neither was going to budge.

"Oh for the love of God people, I highly doubt they are concerned about us," Brian grumbled. "Look, they haven't even noticed we're here so I doubt that the would be preoccupied with Nick playing over there."

"Exactly," Howie joined in. "Lets just go over and join Nick. We promised we would after the lunch was cleared up."

Kevin, Brian and Howie started to walk toward the play area and AJ remained seated at the picnic table.

"Oh no you don't.....c'mon you're going to play with us whether you like it or not," Kevin hissed.

Reluctantly, AJ stood up and walked over to join the others, hands clenched at his side.

"Who goes there?" Nick yelled over the side of the pirate ship.

"Could you get a little louder? Those girls might not have heard you," AJ muttered.

Brian swatted the rebel hard on the shoulder. "Knock it off!"

AJ jumped away, grabbing his arm. "Jesus...why the fuck did you do that Littrell?"

"Could you say that a little louder? Those girls might not have heard you, AJ," Brian mocked.

AJ looked back to where the girls were gathered and felt his heart drop to his stomach. "Shit...shit...shit."

"And your mouth brings the attention to us once again," Howie stated.

"Way to go Ace," Kevin spat.

Nick froze at the front of the ship when he caught sight of the two young girls approaching.

"Hey, aren't you The Backstreet Boys?"

"Oh my God...it is," the older of the three girls cried. "Holy shit, it is!"

One girl pointed at Nick. "Is that who I think it is....Nick?"

Nick looked at the girl with a puzzled expression.

"I had such a huge crush on you!"

Nick immediately started biting on a fingernail as he looked over toward Kevin for support.

"Can we get a picture with y'all?"

"And autographs! Char will totally freak when she finds out that we got to meet you guys!"

Kevin could feel his heart pounding in his chest when he realized that he had placed Nick in a situation he wasn't sure he could tactfully pull him out of. If he were prone to panick attacks, now would be the time to have one. Swallowing hard, he thought for a few moments of how to gracefully get out of the situation. Brian unexpectidly came to the rescue.

"Ladies we're grateful that you still remember us.....what did you say your names were again?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, my name is Mary Alice and this is my best friend Angel."

Nick cocked his head to one side when the girl said the name Angel. For some reason that name sounded familiar.

Brian smiled his acknowledgement. "We were having some private time together and I know this is a public place, but I was wondering, if we gave you an autograph and a quick picture, would you let us be alone?"

"S-sure, s-sure we will," the older of the two girls stammered. "Let me go back to my car and get my camera and some paper, k?"

AJ was silently steaming, taking everything within him to not turn and say 'I-told-you-so' to Kevin. He quickly felt relieved when Brian took a bad situation and made it better and his relief suddenly washed away when the girl that was left behind spoke.

"Nick?"

Nick stared at the young girl, an empty expression on his face.

"Nick can I come up?"

"I don't think that would be such a good idea," Kevin replied.

Ignoring Kevin's comment, the girl ran onto the wooden ship, totally blindsiding Nick in the process. She rushed up behind the blonde, throwing her arms around his waist, drawing him into a tight hug. "Isn't it cool that I have the same name as your sister?"

"Hey! Leave him alone!" AJ demanded as he stormed toward the ship.

Angel ignored AJ as she turned Nick to face her. "Can I kiss you?"

The color drained from Nick's face as he stared helplessly toward Brian, Kevin and Howie. His eyes were welling up with unshed tears.

AJ rushed up and grabbed the girl's arm. "Let go of him! Can't you see you're scaring him?"

The girl shot AJ a dirty look. "Nick's fine with this, right Nick?"

"I....don't....know.....you," Nick slowly mumbled.

"Of course you don't silly, we just met," Angel sing-songed.

"Sorry it took me so long, I couldn't find the camera," Mary Alice said as she ran back. "Angel! I thought you'd wait until I got up there!"

"She's getting ready to leave," AJ hollered down.

"Why? We haven't gotten any pictures or autographs," Angel protested.

"I seriously doubt you need them," AJ muttered.

"You promised us," Mary Alice cried.

"Yeah, and I'm sure Nick will let us, he is always caring about his fans!"Angel added. "Right Nick?"

Nick looked at the girl, confusion etched on his face. "Huh?"

Finally Angel connected with why Nick seemed distant. "Oh my God, thats right! I forgot! You almost died..."

Nick looked helplessly over at AJ.

"Nick, c'mon let's go," AJ rasped as he tried to guide Nick away from the young girl.

The girl wasn't going to let the issue drop. "You overdosed on those pills and you almost died..."

"What is she talking about?" Nick mumbled.

"And they've kept you hiding all this time...away from the public and away from the fans....."

"Girl, you're getting on my last nerve," AJ hissed, as he pulled his young brother away from the young woman.

In a surprise move, Nick stood stock still, refusing to budge. "Who are you?" he asked suddenly.

"My name is Angel, just like Aaron's twin sister."

"Aaron?"

The girl put a hand to her mouth. "Aaron? Your brother.....don't you even remember your brother?"

AJ grabbed at Nick's arm, desperate to lead him away. "C'mon Nicky, lets go."

"Yeah, c'mon Nick, we'll take you back," Howie and Brian pleaded from the ground.

Shocked and at a loss for words, Kevin stood next to his cousin, his mouth gaped.

"Seriously Nick.....lets go!" AJ urged.

Nick jerked his arm away from the rebel. "NO!"

"Nicky...." AJ tried again.

"No AJ, let it go for a minute," Kevin warned. It took him a few moments of watching the scene unfold in front of him, but suddenly he realized that these girls may not have been a bad thing for Nick after all. It was starting to seem to him that something was being triggered in Nick's mind, he wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing but he hoped and prayed that this was going to work out as a benefit to his young band brother.

Nick faced the young woman, unchecked tears were sliding down his cheeks. "How do you know me?"

"I am a big fan of you guys. I listen to your CD's all the time. I had to buy two copies of Now or Never because I played the first one so much it started skipping."

Nick stared at the girl. "Huh?"

"Now or Never, you know the first CD you recorded?"

Staring at the girl, Nick starting blinking his eyes in a rapid motion, placing a hand to the side of his head. "I...I don't know what you're talking about."

"You gotta remember that CD.....I saw you when you had one of your tour stops in Phoenix," the girl pressed.

The young girls comment had Nick completely confused. She was saying things to him he had no idea what she was talking about. Places she insisted he had been to and things that she said he had done. The next move left Nick in complete shock.

"I just so happen to have Help Me downloaded on my iPod.....listen!"

"AJ....." Kevin quietly growled with a shake of his head when the rebel singer started to make a move to stop the girl from handing Nick her ipod. He still wasn't sure if any of this was a good idea, but he was praying that maybe something would tap into Nick's memory.

At first Nick stared at the iPod as if it were a foreign object but quickly placed the ear pieces in with familiar movements. Everyone watched Nick's facial expression for a hint of recognition as he listened to himself singing. With the pieces still in, he winced as he studied the girl's face and then quickly jerked the earpieces off.

"That's you Nick, you sang that....isn't it a good song?"

Holding a hand up to shield his eyes, Nick moaned, "My head hurts."

Instinctively, AJ wrapped a protective arm around his young brother, guiding him off the play structure. "Show's over, c'mon Nicky."

The guys formed a protective shield around their young brother as they hurried back toward the car, ignoring the girl's pleas for them to come back. Once they were inside the safety of the vehicle, Nick stuck his bottom lip out.

"I wanna go home," he sobbed.

Kevin looked at Nick through the rearview mirror. "Nicky how about we go get something to eat?"

"We just had a fricken picnic," AJ groaned.

Kevin shot a dirty look at the rebel singer. "Nicky how about we go to Dairy Queen for some dessert?"

Nick shrugged his shoulders. "I wanna go home," he whined his reply.

"Nick, let's stop and get some ice cream.....you love ice cream," Brian reminded.

"Bri....don't--"

Nick's soured expression brightened. "Ice cream?"

"Yes Nick you can have an ice cream cone or a sundae...whatever you want," AJ added.

"What about the lactose intolerence thing," Kevin reminded.

"Crap....I forgot about that," Brian sighed. "Maybe he doesn't have that anymore."

"Well you better hope so since you promised the kid ice cream," Kevin replied. "If not, you can explain to his nurses about what he had."

Nick ignored Brian and Kevin's conversation, running a hand absently through his hair.

"Okay, Dairy Queen it is, I guess," Kevin groaned as he started the car.

"How many keys have girls thrown hotel keys to you on stage?" Nick quietly asked to no one in particular.

Kevin stomped his foot on the brakes, sending the car into a fish tale. "What did you just ask Nick?"

"It's dumb, forget it."

This time AJ turned around in the front seat to look at the young blonde. "Yeah I heard you say something about hotel keys and girls.....do you remember something?"

Nick looked directly into AJ's eyes. "I saw something like a bunch of girls screaming but they weren't mad, it was weird, they were crying and smiling at the same time and I saw some stuff being thrown at me but I don't know why."

"You asked about hotel keys," Kevin commented.

"My God, stuff is starting to come back to him," Howie breathed, looking calmly at the young man sitting next to him.

"Is there anything more you remember?" Brian asked.

Nick put a hand to the side of his head. "My head hurts," he mumbled as he leaned forward in his seat.

"I'll give you something for that when we get to DQ," Howie said as Brian rubbed the young man's back.

Kevin watched in amazement as Nick shoveled in spoonful after spoonful of the forbidden ice cream treat AJ ordered. If he didn't know any better, he would have sworn that Nick was denied food of any kind by the way he was eating. "You can slow it down a little there Nicky," the older man suggested.

"This is really good," Nick replied, mouth full of brownie blizzard.

"Nick, don't talk with your mouth full," Howie admonished.

Brian handed a paper napkin over to Nick. "Here, wipe your mouth off."

AJ smirked as he studied Nick. "You know he'll never change his table manners."

Nick scraped the bottom of his cup and a loud belch escaped his lips.

"Whoa dude.....you better check your shirt!" AJ chuckled.

"Bone! Don't encourage!" Kevin reprimanded. "Nick, say excuse me."

Nick looked up from the cup over to Kevin. "Huh?"

"I said to say excuse me," he repeated.

"Why?"

Brian and Howie grinned as Kevin tried to reinforce manners into Nick. "I think this is gonna be a lost cause," Brian quietly stated.

"It won't be a lost cause until I make it one," Kevin insisted.

"My tummy hurts," Nick moaned.

AJ looked over at Nick with a sympathic expression. His way of making things up for what had happened to the blonde was buying him a large Brownie Blizzard and now Nick was paying for it.

Laying his head down onto the table, Nick started sliding his empty cup back and forth across the table.

Kevin poked Nick in the side of his ribs, whispering, "Nick, sit up!"

Nick obeyed but soon found himself slouching down into the booth, desperate to find a comfortable position.

Brian cupped a hand over his mouth. "Nick! Did you just fart?" Just as Brian's words came out of his mouth, AJ pulled the neck of his tee shirt over his nose and made gagging noises.

"Holy shit Kaos!"

Kevin's face turned a shade of red when the smell assualted his nostrils. "Nickolas Gene Carter.....there is a place called the bathroom when you need to do something like that!" His quick whispered lecture fell on deaf ears.

Nick started squirming in the booth. "I have to go to the bathroom," he announced loudly.

AJ grimaced, fanning the air in front of his face. "You probably already have."

"I think you were right about the lactose thing," Brian decided as he noted the look of discomfort on his best friend's face. "This was a mistake letting Nick eat that Blizzard."

Kevin looked across the table at his cousin, the expression on his face told Brian that he was thinking 'I-told-you-so', but didn't bother saying it.

Nick rocked his body back and forth in the booth. "I gotta go to the bathroom!"

"Nick! Did you just shit your pants again?" AJ snapped.

Nick looked over at the rebel, wincing. "I gotta go to the bathroom....bad!"

"It's back over that way," AJ gestured with his finger toward the doors a few feet back from their booth.

"You hafta come with me," Nick whined.

"You're a big boy. You can do this one on your own," AJ replied.

"AJ, go with Nick since you decided to buy him a large ice cream!" Kevin muttered.

"Fuckin great," AJ mumbled. "I'm not wiping his ass!"

"I wasn't expecting you to," Kevin groaned. "Just go and make sure he comes back."

AJ grumbled to himself as he eased his body out of the booth. His mouth dropped in shock when he noticed Nick standing in the aisle, squirming with one hand grabbing onto the front of his pants. "Nick, don't grab yourself," he said in a shocked whisper.

Nick quickly obeyed and without warning, grabbed AJ's hand.

AJ could feel the heat rise in his face after Nick took his hand. He instantly pulled his hand out of the young man's grasp and leaned over to whisper, "Big boys don't hold hands with guys in public places."

Although Nick's legs were longer than AJ's he couldn't seem to keep up with the tattooed rebel's quick stride toward the men's room. Brian watched with an arched eyebrow as 5 foot 6 inch AJ quickly out paced a 6 foot 3 inch Nick. The scene quickly ended with AJ and Nick disappearing behind the heavy steel mens room door.

"I hope he doesn't get mean with Nicky in there," Howie sighed.

"Are you kidding? AJ is feeling so guilty over Nick he'll treat him like he's his own son," Brian theorized.

"Let's just hope that Nick doesn't ask AJ to wipe his ass when he's done," Kevin muttered. "AJ can be so crass about things it's hard telling what he'll do in a situation like that."

Brian's face turned red. "I don't even wanna think about that."

AJ pointed at the toilet. "Okay kid, first stall, go in and I'll wait for you out here."

Nick entered the bathroom stall and closed the door. It quickly popped open. "It....it won't close."

"Judas priest...there's a knob you turn or something," AJ muttered, pulling the door wide open. "See this knob here, you turn it after you close the door and it keeps it closed. Okay? You do it."

Nick followed AJ's example. "Yeah."

"Good....like I said, I'll wait for you out here."

For a few minutes, it was just AJ and Nick in the bathroom. As he waited, AJ leaned against the wall. Suddenly the door opened and a man with a young boy entered the facilities. He looked at AJ suspiciously as he guided his son into a larger bathroom stall. "Ah, Nick, I'm going back out."

"NO! Stay with me!"

AJ rubbed a hand across his face dramatically. He knew that the man that was in there was figuring that they had to be a queer couple. "How about I wait right outside of the bathroom?"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Nick yelled, his voice bouncing off the tiled walls.

"Oh for fucks sake," AJ grumbled, leaning back against the wall.

The bathroom grew quiet, punctuated only by the sound of the dripping faucet

"My tummy hurts," the blonde whined.

"I know Nick, you've already told me that once," AJ replied. "Just try to go."

The man and his son came over toward the sinks to wash their hands. AJ smirked at the adult. "This isn't what you think it is....my brother," AJ started out, as he gestured toward the closed stall door. "My brother is a little slow and it probably looks weird to you--"

The man shook the excess water off his hands, splattering the mirrors as he did the actions. He turned toward AJ with a foul expression on his face. "I have a daughter that is Down Syndrome and mental retardation is nothing that should be made fun of!"

"I wasn't making fun of anyone, asshole!"

"You had a stupid smirk on your face.....I take that as making fun of someone!"

"Fuck off!"

The older man took his young son by the hand, "Come on Mason!"

AJ shook his head and softly chuckled. "Bet that kid has trouble finding friends with a name like Mason....pansy ass freak."

"AJ?"

AJ sighed. "Yes Nick?"

"Those are bad words and Kevin would be mad if he heard you say those bad things."

"Yeah...yeah, I know. Are you done yet Carter?"

"Yeah....can you, um, can you?"

"Wipe your own butt...I refuse to do that!"

"I wasn't gonna ask you that! I can't get the door open!"

"Christ....you can't?" The sound of the door bumping against the lock acknowledged the statement uttered by Nick. "Turn the freakin knob."

"I tried," Nick whimpered.

"Turn it again!" AJ urged.

"It won't turn," Nick tearfully replied.

"Shit.....just crawl under the door....."

"I don't want to get all icky!"

"Well see you later then, kid."

"NOOOOOO don't leave!"

"Then hurry your ass up and crawl under the door!"

"Okay."

Just as Nick got half of his body out from under the door, an older man entered the bathroom, glaring at Nick laying on the floor and then at AJ.

"Door's jammed," AJ explained.

"You don't think Nick has a problem in there?" Howie wondered outloud.

"I hope not," Brian replied as he eased himself out of the booth. "I'll go check." Brian only walked halfway down the aisle when AJ and Nick appeared. "What the heck happened?"

"If you cared so much you would have went in with Kaos," AJ muttered as he walked past the younger Kentuckian.

"Nicky, are you feeling better?" Brian softly asked.

Nick rubbed his stomach as he shook his head. "No, my tummy still hurts."

Brian sighed. "I guess you shouldn't have eaten ice cream. We should have known better than to give you that stuff."

"I ran away from you one time when you were talking on a microphone."

Brian stared at his best friend. "Yeah I have talked into a mic before. What do you remember?"

Nick shrugged his shoulders. "I keep seeing you in my head holding a mic."

"We were in a singing group. Remember when you heard that song today that girl had?"

Nick nodded his head in agreement.

"That's what we did, we sang together and I guess you're remembering things that happened when we were on tour together. Do you remember seeing AJ with a mic?"

Nick looked over toward the booth where AJ sat. "Yeah but he was doing some funny things on the floor."

Brian mentally groaned when he realized that Nick remembered when AJ would hump the stage floor during concerts.

"AJ dances weird," he explained.

AJ narrowed his eyes at Brian. "I dance cool dipshit."

Brian swatted the rebel's shoulder. "Humping the stage floor has never been cool!"

Howie caught the look of confusion on Nick's face. "Um, guys I think this would be a good time to get back in the car and take Nick home. They told us he needed to be back before six."

Kevin glanced at his wristwatch. "Crap, I didn't realize it was getting late. Are you ready to go home Nicky?"

Nick shook his head. "I wanna have more ice cream."

AJ shook his head. "Sorry bud but that stuff makes you a total gas bag."

"Nick ice cream isn't compatible with your system," Howie quietly agreed.

"Whats compatible?"

"It sorta means that your stomach is having a fight with you," Brian explained.

"Oh...so that's why my tummy hurt?"

"Yes Kaos, that is why you farted so much and stunk up Dairy Queen."

Kevin shook his head with disgust. "You know AJ, you could use a little tact when you explain things to Nicky here."

The rebel threw his hands into the air as he started off toward the door. "It always falls on me, you guys can't blame the boy anymore so naturally you pick on Alex."

"You wouldn't have that happen if you weren't such a retard," Brian smirked.

After the five men returned to the vehicle, Kevin took the scenice route back to Sunvalley, relying with the OnStar that was in the rented vehicle to guide them since none of them had a clue to the backroads in Texas.

Looking into the rearview mirror, he caught sight of Nick with his head on Brian's shoulder, his eyes closed. "Is Nicky sleeping?" he asked softly.

"Yes," Brian replied quietly as to not wake the blonde up. A small whimper indicated that he failed in his attempt. "S-h-h-h, go back to sleep hon," the Kentuckian soothed.

"I don't feel good...my tummy hurts," Nick moaned.

AJ automatically cracked the window on his side of the vehicle. Kevin smacked the rebel hard on his shoulder. AJ jerked his body away from the older man, quickly rubbing the offended area. "What the fuck did you do that for?" he rasped.

"I've got the air conditioner on," Kevin hissed.

"Yeah well Kaos said his stomach hurts so you know damn well he's gonna fart any minute."

Kevin rolled the car window up and clicked on the window lock button from his control panel. AJ realized instantly what the older Kentuckian did when he tried to crack the window and was rewarded with only clicking noises for his efforts.

"You are such a dickhead," the rebel muttered.

"Guys, just play nice, wouldja?" Howie pleaded from the seat next to the blonde. "All he said was that he didn't feel good, he probably had just too much stimulation for one day." Howie turned his attention back to the ill blonde, smoothing the young man's bangs from his eyes. "It's okay, how are you feeling? Any better?"

Nick could only moan back in reply.

"You know that was really stupid of us to let Nick have that ice cream. Remember in Munich that one time when Pearlman caught him after he had eaten a half gallon of ice cream in the hotel room? Lou had Nick's ass in a sling for that after Nick spent the rest of the afternoon and part of the evening with the shits and his stomach got so bloated that his stage clothes didn't fit him well that night for the concert," AJ remembered.

Listening to AJ, Nick pictured a room with two double beds with floral bedspreads and bright blue carpet. It was a room he had never seen before. In his mind he saw a sweaty fat man yelling at him angrily. "Was Lou fat?" he asked quietly.

"Yes Nick, Lou Pearlman was a very fat man," Howie replied.

"Did he sweat a lot?"

Brian leaned over to look at Howie. "Do you remember Lou?"

"I don't know but I see someone like that."

"Nickster remembers fatass Lou!" AJ chuckled. "Of all the things for you to remember Nick, that's damn funny you'd remember fatass Lou!"

"What else do you remember Nicky?" Kevin asked as he glanced into the rearview mirror at his younger brother.

"Did they put girl stuff on my face?"

AJ turned in his seat. "Girl stuff?"

Howie snapped his fingers. "He remembers the stage makeup!"

"Yeah Nick, they put makeup on our face because the lights would make us look washed out," Brian explained. "What else do you remember buddy?"

Nick rubbed his hand across his forehead. "My head hurts."

"That's okay...we're home Nick," Kevin said as he guided the car into the parking space.

The men walked back into the facility, and then after checking in at the front desk, they walked Nick back to his room.

Once they reached the room, Kevin wrapped his arms around Nick in a fatherly gesture, hugging the young man. "Did you have fun today?"

Nick nodded his head in agreement.

"I had fun with you today even though you fricken stunk up DQ," AJ grinned as he patted Nick on the shoulder.

"We all had a good time," Howie offered, holding his arms open. "Can I have a hug before I leave?"

Nick allowed the Latino to hug him and lightly returned the gesture. Brian followed suit, giving Nick a bear hug and whispered, "I'll see you later buddy."

Tears sprung into the young man's eyes. "Will I see you again?"

"Aww, buddy we'll be coming back tomorrow if you want us to," Brian replied.

"I do!"

"Visiting hours are over and Nick needs to take his shower," a matronly nurse stated in a crisp voice as she entered the room.

"He's got a little stomach discomfort going on," Kevin explained to the woman.

The woman's stern looked relaxed. "Oh, poor baby, we'll make sure we get you something for your tum-tum."

"It's called a stomach!" AJ spat. "How can you people expect Nick to get better if you use baby names for every freakin thing?"

"Ignore my friend here," Howie jumped in when he detected the nurse's angry glare. "He thinks he's an authority on every subject."

The nurse grinned, "It's okay, I'm used to working with slow people."

Kevin chuckled. "AJ, you just got burned. Nick, we'll see you tomorrow," Kevin stated. "C'mon guys." With that the three men followed the eldest band member out of their brother's room, Kevin desperate to distance AJ from the nurse before he succeeded in offending her to the point of upsetting Nick.

The four men barely walked out of the front door of SunValley when AJ quickly pulled out his pack of cigarettes, lighting up the smoke.

"Geeze Jay, you act like you've been without a cigarette for a month," Brian commented with disgust as he fanned the blue smoke away from his face.

"Well this whole day has been nothing but hell for me, so leave me the fuck alone Littrell," AJ rapsed as he continued toward the vehicle in the parking lot.

"You know you can't get in the Envoy with that---"

"Yeah....yeah, I know Kevin, I know all about the no smoking shit," AJ spat. "Jesus, could you lay off rules for one freakin day Richardson?"

Kevin looked darkly at the rebel. "Rules are made for a reason."

AJ rolled his eyes. "Spare me the lectures."

Brian clapped his hands together, looking for a way to end the arguements between Kevin and AJ. "So, what do you think we should do now? It's only..." he paused as he glanced at the watch on his wrist, "it's only 6:45 how about we hit a decent burger joint or something."

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea, I really don't want to go back to the hotel yet," Howie agreed.

Kevin nodded in agreement as he pressed the unlock button to the vehicle. "Put the cigarette out before you even think about getting in, AJ!"

After taking a last deep drag from the smoke, AJ flicked the cigarette away with his index finger and thumb. Noticing the rebel's actions, Kevin hurried over to where the lit butt fell and quickly squashed out the smoldering ember. "Jesus Christ AJ, you want to start a fire?"

"We're in a friggen parking lot Richardson, I don't see anything that could burn," AJ sputtered, smoke escaping his mouth as he spoke.

Howie shook his head as he entered the back seat of the dark green Envoy. "AJ sure likes to start fights with Kevin," he muttered. Brian nodded in agreement.

"Pushes the buttons 24/7......So Kev, where should we go?" Brian asked cheerfully, hoping to end the bad vibes that were hanging in the air.

Kevin dragged a hand over his face in a tired gesture after he glanced at the tattooed rebel that took the passenger seat in the front. "There are a few places I would love to suggest that Bone goes....."

"Kevin, lets play nice tonight, okay?" Howie pleaded. "You've only got to be around Jay for one more night and I think it would be best to just put the past in the past..."

"What the fuck are you talking about D'?" AJ spat, folding his arms across his chest in a defensive manner.

Brian waved his hand in the air. "Just drop it, how about we find a dark bar and discuss our plans for tomorrow over some burgers and beer?"

AJ turned around to face Brian with a smirk. "Okay, a dark bar and beers? You're serious?"

"Of course I'm serious, you know we always think better over some burgers and beer....it's in the Backstreet credo."

Kevin backed the vehicle out of the parking space, taking the directions off the OnStar.

"So where are we going?" AJ asked as he turned back to face the front.

"A burger joint called Dewey's," Kevin muttered as he guided the Envoy down the two lane road. Most of the journey was travelled in silence until AJ grew tired of the quiet atmosphere.

"So how come you and D have to bail again? I don't remember what you said that had your panties in a ball," he rasped as he absently played with the cigarette lighter on his thigh.

"Don't you dare lit that up in here---" Kevin warned with a glare.

"Jesus...."

Kevin sighed. "As I said before we have personal business to take care of and it just so happened to fall at the same time is all."

AJ was relieved as Kevin pulled the vehicle into the large bar parking lot. He barely waited for the car to be put into park before he opened the door, quickly exiting. One of the first moves he made after leaving the car was place a cigarette to his lips and automatically clicked the flame up to the fresh smoke. Brian shook his head in disgust when he caught the actions of his bandmate. Smoking had always been a level of comfort for AJ in the past but with everything that had been going on with Nick over the past several months, tied in with guilt feelings that the tattooed rebel harbored, Brian knew that AJ's habit had increased rather sharply.

The four men walked into the dark bar and were quickly seated in a booth towards the rear of the restaurant. The atmosphere was a casual and relaxed one, the floor was old hard wood and there were bowls of peanuts in shells where patrons could crack open the casings and throw them onto the floor. Waitresses and patrons alike walked over them and it made a loud crunching noise.

AJ grinned as he surveyed his surroundings. "Hey...I kinda like this place," he stated as he leaned his body into the curved booth. "It's like home."

Howie wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Yeah if you live in a pig stye."

A waitress dressed in denim short shorts, a red sparkled halter top and a cowboy hat approached the booth, laying laminated menus on the table. "Hi my name is Wendy....would you like to order something from the bar?"

"Welllll hello there Wendy," AJ grinned. "I'd like a JD and diet coke." The others tossed AJ an annoyed glare as they recited their orders for the young woman.

"Alrighty, I'll be back with your drinks in a minute," she announced in a sweet voice as she turned.

AJ stretched his arms out and cracked his knuckles. "I like what I see here.....how about we take Kaos to this place?"

Brian leaned forward in his seat. "To a fricken bar? Are you insane? Nick wouldn't want to be in a place like this!"

"Nick loves places like this!" AJ protested.

"Loved," Howie corrected. "Nicky loved places like this. Now he is content to watch cartoons and color in coloring books. Do you honestly think Nick would be capeable of handling some place like this? Look what happened this afternoon when those fans approached him?"

"Yeah, I swear he was going to have a panic attack right there," Kevin added.

"AJ you have to realize that Nick isn't the same person he was last year. He may never be the same person," Brian pointed out.

AJ scowled. "If you keep up with the negative attitudes, I could see where he won't ever be the same person!"

"You can't put a kid in a situation like this though," Howie reminded.

"A kid? Hell if you forgot, he's an adult.." AJ snapped.

This time it was Kevin that spoke up. "A kid trapped in an adult body. Christ Bone, Nick isn't what he was before the accidental overdose, I know if we could turn back time we would and everything would be all happy and normal but you have to stop and think about this, mistakes were made and now he is paying the unfortunate price for it."

The heated conversation stopped abruptly when the waitress returned with the drinks. "So have you guys decided what you'd like to order for dinner?" she questioned with a pen poised over her order pad.

"Um, actually I think we'll need some more time to order," Brian apologized. "We were too busy talking to look at the menu."

The waitress smiled. "That's okay sweetie....here, you might want to look at this while you're deciding," she said as she handed a red booklet on the table.

Brian pulled the object towards him. "What's this?"

"We have a little karaoke thing going on tonight so I thought you'd be interested."

AJ snorted at the woman's comment. "Us interested in singing?"

"Why not? It's fun and people really get a hoot out of it. It would be your chance to be a celebrity for a few minutes."

AJ took a generous gulp of his drink. "Already done that trip."

Howie craned his neck to peer over at his bandmate. "I can't believe you, AJ McLean of all people would turn down a chance to get all the attention."

"Well some of us don't feel the same without Nick on stage," he replied sourly.

After a few moments of looking over the menu Brian was suddenly assualted with a peanut shell tossed at his face. He glared in the direction that the offending item came from and was instantly rewarded with a grinning AJ.

"Dude...I've been trying to get your attention!"

Sighing, Brian put the menu down and stared at his tattooed brother with annoyance. "You got my attention....what's so important?"

AJ leaned over toward Brian, whispering, "I was thinking, since they have this karaoke thing and since Kevin thinks it's a bad idea to have Nicky out in public places like this, how about we go to Walmart or something and get a karaoke machine and pick the boy up and have a good old fashioned sleep over in the hotel without anal Kev and D?"

"We all think it's a bad idea about bringing Nick to a place like this," Brian defended, "but you know what? I think that is probably one of the best ideas I've heard come out of your foul mouth in years."

"So it's a done deal then?"

"We'll have to call the Carter's to get permission to take Nick out overnight but I think this has some possibilities," Brian smiled.

A few days later, Brian and AJ found themselves walking into the hotel with Nick in tow, both thankful that his parents gave them permission to keep night with them overnight away from SunValley. Gone was the concern that the two older men had was whether Bob and Jane Carter would allow them to take Nick away. The new concern was how Nick would react to being away from the 'home he's ever known at SunValley.'

Things seemed to be going so far so good, Brian decided as they stepped onto the hotel elevator until he gazed over at Nick and discovered that he had a finger in his mouth. He visibally jerked and immediately reached the taller man's forearm.

"Nick, take your finger out of your mouth, that isn't polite."

Brian's words caught AJ's attention.

"Geeze Nick, I hope you weren't walking around with your fingers in your mouth!" the tattooed rebel rasped.

Nick felt embarrassed and cast his eyes down at his feet. "Sorry," he mumbled quietly.

AJ immediately regretted his actions and shook his head. "I'm sorry Nick, I didn't mean to sound like I was mad at you....I guess I keep forgetting that you're not you right now....if that makes any sense. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all," AJ muttered.

Brian smiled as he placed a protective arm around Nick's shoulder. "It's gonna be fine. We're gonna hole up in the hotel room, eat tons of junk food, watch movies and mess around, just like old times, right Nicky?"

Nick shrugged his shoulders, not certain what Brian was talking about. "I guess."

"See? Nick knows exactly what I'm talkin' about."

AJ shook his head, grateful that the elevator finally arrived to their floor.

Brian pulled out the room card from his billford. "Hey Nicky, you wanna open the door?"

Nick nodded his head yes.

"Okay let me show you what you have to do," Brian explained as he showed how to slip the card into the lock. "See you do this and the red light turns green and then you can turn the handle---"

"And hopefully no one will come down the hall and watch you talk like a moron to another adult," AJ interrupted.

Brian cast a dark look toward the rebel. "Ignore AJ, he's being grumpy for some reason....okay, here Nick, you try."

It took the blonde three tries but he finally got the door open. A smile lit his face.

"I did it!"

AJ pushed his way past Brian and Nick and immediately flopped his body onto the first bed.

Nick stared after AJ. "Is he mad?"

"No he's just being a jerk tonight for some reason," Brian replied, staring at AJ as they walked into the room. He smacked AJ's foot as he walked by. "How about you get out the games we got?"

"Do I look like a butler to you?"

"You might as well do something good since you want to be all moody for some reason. Maybe you'll start to feel better," Brian replied.

AJ ran a hand over his face in a tired manner. "I'm sorry I don't mean to bring you guys down....just some issues I'm still having."

"What's issues?" Nick asked innocently.

AJ dismissed Nick's question with a shrug of his shoulders. "I just feel bad sometimes."

Nick put a hand on AJ's arm. "It will get better."

"Yeah kid, I guess you're right. Okay Carter, what game do you want to play?"

"Do you have Candyland?"

Brian couldn't help but catch the distressed look that crossed AJ's face.

"Nah not Candyland Nick, I thought we'd play something a little better," Brian replied.

AJ rolled his eyes. "We have something better than Candyland?"

Brian ignored AJ's facial expression. "Yes we do....we have Sorry or Trouble or Uno."

"I like Sorry....lets play that one!" Nick said quickly. "I almost always win that one."

"Probably cause you cheat," AJ teased.

"I do not!" Nick defended.

"You do too!"

"Do not!"

"Yes you do!"

Instead of shouting back in defense, Nick turned around and buried his face into the side of the bed. This had Brian and AJ caught by surprise.

"Nick?"

"Go away!" Nick cried into the bed.

Brian gently touched the young man on the shoulder. "Nicky, AJ didn't mean that, right AJ?"

"I was teasing you Nick....we always accused you of cheating."

"C'mon Nick....I'll let you pick the color you want for the game," Brian said as he opened the box and started setting up the game.

Sniffling, Nick turned around, his eyes red from crying. "I'll be the blue guy."

AJ looked at the young man in surprise. "Not green?"

"I don't like that color....I like the blue one."

"That's weird...you always took green."

"I've never played this game with you before so how would you know?"

Noticing Brian's warning look, AJ dropped the subject. "Okay, blue it is."

After little over an hour had passed with the trio playing board games, Nick announced that he was hungry.

"How about we order a pizza?" Brian suggested.

"Yeah that sounds good to me," AJ agreed. "How about it Nick, a big, greasy pizza?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah I want lots of cheese....we don't get pizza at home that much."

AJ scowled at the remark. "Are you kidding me kid? You're the king of pizza eating!"

"Yeah it's probably hard to make pizza for all you guys," Brian quickly added before AJ opened his mouth and added more about he might regret.

"Oh...yeah Brian's right I didn't think about that. So do you want onions and mushrooms too?" he flashed a hopeful smile toward the blonde.

Nick stuck his tongue out. "Bleech.....onions! Gross!"

"Alrighty then....lets make it one large pepperoni.....boore-ing!"

"It's Nick's night he can have what he wants," Brian defended.

Sighing, AJ pulled hotel booklet from the nightstand, looking through their recommendations of good pizza delivery places in the area.

"Have you guys ever sang songs together at your home?"

Nick nodded, slipping a finger into his mouth.

"FINGERS NICK!" AJ said loudly.

He immediately pulled his finger out of his mouth.

"Sorry to harp on you but that is really a bad habit Nick," AJ said and stopped himself from continuing his lecture, focusing back toward his telephone call.

"He really is grumpy," Nick remarked, gesturing at AJ.

"Yeah, well you know how AJ is," Brian smirked. "So back to singing. How about we start this thing and see what you got."

Nick watched as Brian turned the television set on and then the Karaoke machine. "We got two mics and I whole crapload of CDs to sing along to."

"Pizza won't be here for forty-five minutes," AJ stated as he threw himself face down toward the foot of the bed. "So Kaos, you gonna sing?"

Nick looked at Brian waiting for a reply.

"Jay's talking to you Nick."

Nick shook his head. "He didn't say my name...he said yours."

AJ chuckled. "Naw....I called you by your nickname, don't you remember it?"

"I have a nickname?"

"Yeah.....it was Kaos."

"Kaos....thats a funny nickname. Why Kaos?"

"Because wherever you went, trouble was sure to follow along, not to mention you're such a klutz."

"Klutz?"

"English AJ....speak English!" Brian said in a British accent.

"You trip over your own two feet kiddo.....I can't stand this anylonger, I'm gonna smoke in here," AJ stated as he reached for his pack of cigarettes on the nightstand.

Brian tossed a stern look. "This is a non smoking room!"

"I'll pay the fine....a little Glade and they won't know I smoked in here.....just open the sliding door to the deck."

After a few moments with neither Brian or Nick moving, AJ grunted as he got off the bed, lit cigarette dangling from his lips. "Geeze, ask for a little courtesy...."

"I smoked," Nick announced to no one in particular.

Brian and AJ exchanged glances.

"Yeah buddy you did," AJ agreed with a nod.

A confused look crossed Nick's face. "And someone told me not to do it in front of people?"

This time Brian answered. "Yep that was bad PR."

Nick gestured at the television. "So are we gonna sing together?"

"Sure...if you want to, we can," Brian agreed.

"Yeah I don't wanna sing alone," Nick said shyly.

"This machine is cool," AJ announced as he looked over Brian's shoulder at the CD collection. "It shows the lyrics on the screen so you can follow along."

"Lyrics?" Nick asked with a confused look on his face.

"You know Nick....lyrics, the words to the song."

"Okay I found one Jay," Brian said as he placed a CD into the player. He handed a mic out to AJ and cued up the music. "Just jump in if you wanna."

The music that started to come from the machine was Backstreet's Larger Than Life. Brian watched Nick from the corner of his eye as he sang the beginning of the song. The young man stared at the tv screen with a puzzled expression. Before long, Nick was sitting on the floor next to him. Brian automatically placed an arm around Nick's shoulder as he sang.

"Do you remember this song?"

Nick nodded yes.

"Do you want to sing with me and my mic?"

Nick shook his head no.

"Aww c'mon Nick," AJ encouraged, "It'll be fun."

"I-I don't know all the words," he admitted.

"Just make up the words that you don't remember," Brian said.

"Yeah....like Kevin."

"Kevin didn't sing that much," Nick replied.

AJ flashed a cheesy grin. "Yeah...Kev was pretty much a bridge singer."

"Bridge? He stayed on a bridge?" Nick wondered as a mental picture of Kevin standing alone on a bridge popped into his head.

AJ lightly smacked the younger man on the shoulder. "Kaos! A bridge is the chorus to the song..."

"Yeah....like the song thats playing....All you people can't you see, can't you see......How your love's affecting our reality," Brian pointed to the screen as his sang the words.

"Oh," Nick said dully. "Can we play some games again?"

"Nick, we just started playing the karoke machine, don't you wanna take your turn?" AJ asked.

Nick shook his head. "No I wanna play some games."

Reluctantly, Brian turned the machine off. "We'll do this maybe after the pizza. It's okay."

"Can you believe the kid was tired?" AJ questioned as he gestured to the blonde, fast asleep ontop of the bedspread.

Brian shook his head as he threw the paper plates into the waste basket.

"I mean, Nick never takes a nap," AJ continued as he lit up a cigarette.

"You mean Nick never took a nap," Brian corrected, adding, "Like it or not, things have changed."

AJ lightly slapped his forehead when the words connected.

"Sorry to be the one to point it out, but Nick is a whole different person now."

"This just sucks---"

"Don't start blaming yourself again for all of this," the Kentuckian interrupted. "You know that what happened to Nick was an accident, there was nothing that you, me or anyone could have done--"

"Bullshit! I could have stayed with him after I caught him with the whiskey but no, I trusted Nick and thought he would have went to bed like I suggested," AJ spat.

"Jay, we've been over this way too many times....when are you going to call that therapist Kevin told you to call?"

AJ folded his arms across his chest. "Probably never."

Brian shook his head in defeat. "If you had found the therapist yourself, would you have called?"

AJ uncrossed his arms, reaching over to retrieve the cigarette that he had placed on the edge of the nightstand. "Yeah but I don't really need one."

Brian eyed the action warily. "That wasn't what I asked you. Could you either call the therapist Kevin suggested or find one of you own and call her."

"What makes you think I would choose a woman?"

Brian arched an eyebrow as he stared at the rebel.

"Yeah...yeah, you're right I would call a woman..."

"Probably but then again you'd ask her out before the session was over."

AJ blew the smoke out between his teeth as he snickered. "You know I would."

Just as AJ was putting what was left of his smoke into a soda can, Nick's started coughing, waking him up from his nap. This put Brian into action as he sprinted toward the sliding door, opening it up.

"Sorry kid, I forgot to crack the door," AJ apologized.

"You better hope this doesn't kick up his asthma," Brian said with a shake of his head.

"Nick outgrew that years ago," AJ defended. "Right Kaos?"

Nick could only cough in reply, scratching his chin.

"Are you happy?" Brian glared back at AJ. "Do you need a drink of water?"

The blonde waved the older man off. "I'm fine."

AJ scooted off the bed, springing into action. Moments later, he returned with a glass of water. "Here, drink this down."

Coughing, Nick accepted the glass, puzzled look on his face.

"Go slow, take small sips," AJ directly quietly.

Once Nick had finished the glass of water, he handed it back to his friend. It took a few minutes before the coughing finally quieted down.

"How did you know that was going to stop my coughing?"

"We have practically raised you Nick, we know a lot about you," AJ replied with a grin.

"We rode across the country together in the beginning when we were touring," Brian added.

"We did?"

"Yeah in a big bus. At least in the beginning we shared the same bus then as time went on, we actually got our own buses which made life a little easier," AJ said. "You were pretty messy."

Yawning, Nick stretched his arms over his head. "I think it was you that was messy Bone."

Upon hearing Nick call him by his nickname, AJ jerked. "What did you just say kid?"

"I said you were messy," Nick repeated.

"No, the other part."

"Bone?"

AJ's face lit up. "Yeah....you called me Bone."

Nick shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah so?"

AJ wrapped his arms around the blonde's shoulders. "Nothing Nick, I'm just happy to hear you call me that again."

Nick grimaced as the older man squeezed his shoulders. Brian couldn't help but smile at the scene without having his eyes well up with tears.

"How about we sing some songs now..."

"Brian? Are you sad?"

"No Nick, I'm happy."

"But you look like you're gonna cry."

"Its a happy kind of cry Nick," Brian corrected. "Not sad."

"Forget about Bri, lets sing some songs together," AJ said as he hugged Nick again.

Nick tried to push himself away from the tattooed rebel. "I'll sing if you stop hugging me."

"It's a deal."

"Okay, what song did you want to sing?" Brian asked as he flipped through the Karoke Cd collection.

AJ clapped his hands together. "Let Nick look through the cds and pick one."

Nick shifted his body around so that his head was hanging over the foot of the bed, looking over Brian's shoulder at the cds.

"How about this one?" Brian asked as he paused. Nick shrugged his shoulders. "What about this one?"

"What is it?"

Brian looked up at Nick. "Huh?"

"What is that one called?"

Once the words were uttered, did the reality hit.

Nick couldn't read.

"You have teachers at your place, right?" Brian asked in a casual voice, looking past Nick at AJ.

"Yeah, we have Mrs. Davis and Miss Cross," Nick replied in a quiet voice.

"Who teaches you reading?"

"Miss Cross teaches me ABC's."

Once the sentence was spoken, AJ let out a long sigh. "You mean you can't read?"

"I can read some stuff," Nick defended.

Just as AJ was starting to open his mouth, Brian cut him off. "That's okay Nick, we'll sing some songs you know the words to. I bet if I start the music like I did last time, you'll remember the words and the words you don't know you don't have to sing them. We'll be singing right along with you so it won't matter. Before I put the cd in, I need to talk to AJ for a sec in the bathroom. C'mon Jay."

AJ gave Brian a confused look. "Can't you just say what you have to say out here?"

"I need to talk to you for a minute alone."

"Won't it look weird---"

Brian grabbed AJ's arm and jerked him. "Just come over here for a minute." Brian smiled at Nick. "C'MON JAY!"

"Alright....alright, what's the big secret?"

"I'm gonna put some songs in that more than likely, Nick will know and then we can lead up to other songs. Just don't say anything, okay? Just try and be good about this."

"What are you going to play?"

"Just go along with this, alright?"

Without saying anything more, Brian walked out of the bathroom and sat down on the floor next to Nick. He pulled a cd out of the case and put it into the machine. "Okay, there will be words going across the screen, maybe you'll be able to read some of the words, but I'm betting you'll know the song so this will be good practice for you for school."

The song 'Old MacDonald' played out of the speakers. Nick clapped his hands. "I know this song!" he cried out.

Brian looked back to see AJ resting his body against the headboard, a dark expression on his face.

Ignoring the look, Brian started singing.....

"Old MacDonald had a farm...."

“Okay…..could you tell me what you’re thinking about?”

Brian shook from his thoughts. “Huh?”

“You’ve been staring at nothing for about ten minutes after Nicky fell asleep and I was just about ready to check to see if you’re still breathing.”

Sitting up, the Kentuckian stretched his arms above his head. “I know we’ve talked about this before with Kev, but us spending time with Nick I don’t see why we can’t…”

AJ waited for Brian to finish his thoughts, after a few moments had passed, the rebel spat out, ”We can’t what?!”

Brian raked a hand through his hair. “Why we can’t take care of Nick ourselves. He’s pretty easy to take care of and besides I think he does pretty well when he’s with us.”

“That is what I’ve been trying to get through to all of you guys since day one!”

“Well, it would have been a little harder to take care of him six months ago. All we have to do is convince Nick’s parents to let us take care of him, I mean I’m sure they would after we talk to them.”

AJ snorted. ”Jane Carter?”

“Both of them,” Brian corrected.

“I know that, dumbass. Jane is so into herself that I really doubt she’d want to be saddled down with Nick. Why do you think he’s been in SunValley this long?”

“True…so there shouldn’t be an issue about letting us take care of Nick then, right?”

“Probably not,” AJ agreed. “But we’d have to convince Kevin and Howie that this is a good thing for Nick.”

“Forget about Kevin, I’ll ask to be Nick’s caregiver,” Brian decided as he tucked the blankets around the young blonde. Nick stirred, opening his eyes.

“Sorry….I didn’t mean to wake you up, go back to sleep,” Brian whispered.

Nick rubbed his eyes with his fists. “W-what time is it?”

“Time for you to be sleeping,” AJ said softly.

Nick shook his head, leaning up on his elbows. “What were you talking about?”

“Nothing important,” Brian replied.

The young man flipped the blankets off his body. “Lets do something, I can’t sleep.”

AJ grinned. “What did you have in mind kiddo?”

“I dunno, did you bring the PS2?”

Brian and AJ stared at each other, mouths agape.

“What did you say Kaos?”

“The PS2…did you bring it with you?” Nick asked as he started to look through the dresser drawers.

Brian shook his head in disbelief as he watched Nick rummage through the bags that they had brought with them to the hotel.

“We sang songs and played board games, I didn’t think that you’d be up to playing any video games. Do you want to play video games?”

“Yeah cause I always kick your asses,” Nick replied.

“I think a trip to Wal-mart to get a gaming system is our next stop,” AJ grinned.

“This late?” Brian said as he glanced at his watch.

“Jesus gramps, it’s only 9:15. Live a little.”

“Yeah, c’mon I want to totally kick your ass!”

Brian looked at AJ and Nick standing by the door, letting out a sigh. “Okay, I guess we go to Wal-mart.”

As soon as AJ pulled into the parking space at Wal-mart, Nick didn’t wait for the engine to be shut off as he literally jumped out of the car.

“Christ, Nick! Get your ass back in here!” AJ shouted through his open window.

“We sound like a true dysfunctional family,” Brian muttered, shaking his head.

“What!?” AJ shot back with a glare.

“You were cursing at Nick from your car window.”

“C’mon lets go!” Nick whined, standing beside AJ’s door.

“First of all, you never get out of the car until I turn off the engine….”

“Spare the lecture gramps, let’s go!”

AJ glanced over at Brian, raising an eyebrow at the Kentuckian’s smirk.

”He called me gramps…I am only two years older than you Carter!”

Nick opened the driver’s side door. “Yeah, c’mon.”

“You act like you’ve never been to Wal-mart,” Brian said with a smile.

“Everybody has been to a Wal-mart at least once in their lives,” Nick corrected as he hurried his pace and started distancing himself from Brian and AJ.

”Nick!” AJ half shouted-half whispered, not wanting to draw attention to themselves. ”Get back here.”

Before they even made it to the front entrance, a few young girls were bold enough to approach Nick.

“Hey, can we have a picture taken with you?”

“Now’s not a good time girls,” AJ quickly apologized.

“Why not, we’re not in any hurry,” Nick said as he casually put an arm around one of the girls, taking the camera from the other one and handing it to AJ. The other girl quickly stood next to Nick.

Instead of arguing, AJ quickly snapped a picture.

“You want to take another one without your thumb in it?” Nick growled.

“My thumb was no where near the lens,” AJ argued.

“Just do it Bone,” Nick replied through gritted teeth.

“Christ, bitch often? There, satisfied?” AJ asked after he snapped the picture.

“Thank you so much!” the owner of the camera said.

Once the girls were out of ear shot, AJ put a hand on Nick’s forearm. “Didn’t you think that was weird?”

“What? That you don’t know how to take a picture…..no that’s not weird at all, you’ve always sucked at that,” Nick said, shrugging his shoulders.

“No dumb ass, that a complete stranger wanted a picture of you.”

Brian knew exactly where AJ was heading with the question and listened quietly for the reply.

“There’s nothing weird about that….”

As AJ opened his mouth to ask another question, Brian interrupted him. “What games do you think we should get to play?”

“I dunno….we’ll have to check and see what they have I guess,” Nick replied as they entered the store.

“I wonder how long this window of Nick being Nick will stay open?” Brian whispered to AJ.

“Hopefully forever.”

“Where do we go now?” Nick asked, stopping so quickly that Brian ran into his back.

“Electronics I suppose,” AJ replied with a nod toward the direction he decided it would be at.

As they approached the counter, Brian’s cell phone went off and he quickly pulled it out of his pocket, checking the caller ID before he flipped the device open.

“Hey…Kev, I’m at Wal-mart, can I call you back when I get out of here?”

“Why on earth are you at Wal-mart? I thought you were spending time with Nick in the hotel,” Kevin questioned.

“He decided he wanted to play games on the play station.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes…seriously Kev. Let me call you when I get back out to the car, okay?”

“I’ll call AJ then…”

“He’s with me.”

“He’s with you?? Where’s Nick? You didn’t leave him alone---“

“We’re not dumb,” Brian interrupted.

“Okay so how’s Nick doing?”

“He’s doing pretty good…..can I please call you back instead of standing in the store talking to you on the phone? It’s kinda rude…”

Kevin sighed loudly into the phone. “I guess I can wait then. Make sure you call me when you get back to the car, okay?”

“I promise, bye.”

Brian ended his conversation, quickly snapping the phone shut before he cousin had a chance to keep his side of the conversation going.

AJ looked back, “Leighanne?”

“Kevin wants me to call when we leave the store,” Brian replied, tucking the cell phone back into his front pants pocket.

“I swear that guy worries too much,” AJ said with a shake of his head.

“Did you get someone to help us yet?”

“Yeah….believe it or not, Carter actually got someone to help us and the guy is getting the keys to unlock the cabinet.”

“Nicky approached a complete stranger for help?”

“I know, pretty odd, eh? I’m keeping my fingers crossed this keeps up.”

“Hey guys, I saw a cool game to get,” Nick said as he came back from the game section.

“What did you find?” Brian asked.

Nick shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know what it’s called but it has some cool stuff on the front of the box.”

Brian raised an eyebrow as he looked at the blonde. “How about you show us what you’re looking at.”

Nick led them over to the selection of games that were behind a locked glass cabinet. “Right there,” he pointed to an NBA game.

“Which one? What is the name of it?” Brian asked.

Nick scowled. “I-I don’t know, it’s the one with basketball on the front of the box and it has the letters B and A on it.”

AJ’s heart sank. Although Nick was acting like the old Nick, he still couldn’t read. He had been hoping that maybe with Nick acting like himself again, he would be himself again.

“It’s okay Nick, I see which one you want. We’ll get that one and a few others too,” Brian said as he put an arm around his best friend.

The electronics department associate returned with the keys and unlocked the games and got the play station out. AJ and Brian were arguing about who was going to buy the item, unaware that Nick had left their side. It wasn’t until they grabbed the bags and turned to leave the department had they noticed that Nick wasn’t with them. They immediately turned back to the counter.

“Hey did you see where that guy that was with us went to?” Brian asked.

The associate looked at them with indifference. “Should I have?”

“I’ll go this way, you go that way,” Brian said quickly as he headed off to look, his heart racing with worry, call me if you find him and I’ll do the same.

After a few minutes of frantic searching, AJ found Nick standing in front of the fish tanks, sitting on the floor looking at the bottom row of gold fish.

“Nick!”

Nick looked up, his face a mask of complete innocence.

“There you are!”

Instead of standing up, Nick remained seated, looking back toward the fish tanks.

His heart filled with a mixture of happiness and sadness, AJ pulled his cell phone off the waistband of his jeans. He dialed Brian’s number.

“I found him. We’re in the pet department,” AJ stated, his voice thick with emotion.

Brian ran into the pet department and nearly skidded past the row where AJ and Nick were at. “There you are Nicky! You had me scared to death!” He waited a few moments for a reply from the young man and then when none came, Brian continued. “We got the stuff, c’mon lets go back to the hotel so I can kick your butt!”

Instead of a smart comeback from Brian’s ‘threat,’ Nick seemed content to remain on the floor. Brian squatted beside him. “Something wrong?”

Nick shook his head. “I like the fish.”

“Yes, I like the fish too,” Brian replied, a confused look on his face.

“Can I have a fish?”

“I thought you wanted to play station games back at the hotel.”

Nick looked at Brian. “Hotel?” he repeated.

It was then that it suddenly connected, but AJ had already felt…..Nick’s window was closed. He was back in his state of innocence – the new Nick. The one with the eight year old mentality.

The drive back from the Wal-mart was practically in silence. AJ shook his head sadly as he thought about the fact that less than an hour ago Nick was acting like the old Nick, wanting to play PS2 games. He glanced at his friend noticing that he was staring out the window; index finger in his mouth. AJ bit his words when he wanted to tell the young blonde to take his finger out of his mouth.

"Fingers  Nicky!"

AJ looked over when Brian Littrell corrected his best friend as he drove. He was staring at Nick from the rearview mirror as they sat at a stop light.

"The kid’s had a rough day, I think this one time would be okay," AJ said.

Brian glanced at the tattooed rebel with his eyebrows furrowed. "You are saying it's okay? You are constantly harping on Nick for sucking on his finger."

AJ shrugged his shoulders as he mumbled. "I don't think it matters that much anymore."

"Nick is 23," Brian started.

"Twenty-three physically," AJ corrected.

"Please don't fight," Nick cried out from the back seat.

"I'm sorry Nick, I'm not fighting with AJ, we're just disagreeing," Brian replied.

"I don't like it when you fight," Nick continued. "We get in trouble for fighting at home."

Brian grinned. "And AJ should get in trouble for fighting with me too."

AJ's face soured. "Ass."

"That's a bad--"

"Word….yeah I know Nick, ass is a bad word but that is the best description of Brian," AJ interrupted.

Shaking his head, Brian pulled into the parking lot of the hotel. "I know that there’s two of you that need to go to bed."

Yawning, Nick shook his head. "I don't want to go to bed."

"You're tired Kaos, I can tell you need your sleep," AJ agreed.

"But I thought we were gonna play games!" Nick whined as he struggled to unfasten his seat belt.

"We've got all day tomorrow to play video games," Brian said as he turned off the engine.

Letting himself out of the front seat, AJ walked over to Nick’s car door. “Here, let me help you,” he said as he reached in to unfasten the seat belt. Tears pooled in the tattooed rebel’s eyes as he helped his young brother unfasten the seat belt.

“Are you sad?” Nick asked innocently.

AJ jerked away. “Huh?”

“You look like you’re crying,” Nick said softly.

“It’s just allergies,” AJ mumbled a lie. “Nicky, can you hand me that bag?” he asked quickly as he gestured to the wanted item on the backseat.

Brian reached into the backseat from the opposite side of the car, looking at AJ as he retrieved the other bag. He knew exactly why Nick was concerned; he had seen the sad look in AJ’s face ever since Nick had been found unconscious in the hotel room when he accidentally overdosed on medications. It was a depression that the tattooed rebel had never been able to shake.

As they entered the lobby, Nick left AJ’s side and sprinted toward the elevators.

“Nick! Get back here!” AJ hissed.

“Can I push the button?” Nick called out excitedly.

“Settle down,” Brian asked with a shake of his head.

The two older men arrived to where Nick had been impatiently standing.

“Took you all day,” he grumbled, then he smiled. “Can I push the button?”

“Sure, go ahead,” the Kentuckian grinned.

Nick stared at the call button for the elevator. “Which one?”

“Up…”

As soon as the blonde pressed the button, the doors slid open. Nick quickly stepped into the car. He looked at the panel. “Which one now?”

“Our room is 829,” Brian said.

“Which button??”

“Eight Nick,” AJ spat.

“You don’t have to be mean about it,” Brian corrected.

“Which button??” Nick asked impatiently.

“If our room is 829, we’d be on the eighth floor….”

“Eight, Nick,” AJ growled.

”Which one is eight??” This time it was Nick that was growing irritable.

AJ scowled as he reached around the blonde and pressed the button for the eighth floor. “This one.”

“I was s’posed to do that!” Nick whined as he backed himself against the corner of the elevator and slid down the wall to the floor.

Brian’s face soured as he stared at AJ. “Are you satisfied? C’mon Nick get up off the floor, it’s dirty.”

“Kaos get up off the floor,” AJ pled.

Nick crossed his arms shaking his head in defiance, ignoring Brian and AJ’s request. The elevator stopped on the 3rd floor, opening the door for two young teenaged girls.

“Just fucking great,” AJ muttered under his breath.

The older of the two, reached over and pressed the button for 12. AJ rolled his eyes when he saw their selection.

“Is something wrong with Nick?”

“Really fucking great,” AJ growled.

“Pardon me?” the girl asked.

Brian flashed a forced smile. “He felt a little dizzy so I told him to sit down,” he lied.

The elevator stopped on the eighth floor and AJ grabbed a hold of Nick’s arm, jerking him upwards. “C’mon we’re here.”

The two girls looked at AJ and Nick and then shook their heads. “You could be a little nicer to him when he doesn’t feel good,” the older girl said.

“And you could mind---“

”AJ….” Brian started to correct the rebel.

“I’m sorry, I just over-react when I get nervous, right Kaos?” AJ said as he threw an arm across Nick’s shoulder.

As soon as the doors closed, Brian’s cell phone rang. Checking the caller ID Brian sighed.

“I forgot to call Kevin back…you take Nick down and help him get ready for bed, I’ll be there in a minute,” Brian said as he flipped the phone open.

“But I don’t wanna go to bed,” Nick’s whiney voice carried down the hall.

“Hey Kev…I’m sorry I didn’t call you right back.”

“Is everything alright?” the older Kentuckian asked.

“Yeah we were just getting back to the hotel…”

“So what exactly is happening? You said when I called you earlier that Nicky wanted to play PS2 games?”

“Yeah, we went to Wal-mart because Nick all of a sudden talked about how he used to kick our butts playing PS2 games and he started looking through the drawers in the room looking for a play station. When we said we didn’t bring one along, he wanted to go out and get one. It was weird…he was like Nicky,” Brian recalled.

“And??” Kevin pressed.

Tears welled up in Brian’s eyes. “That only lasted for an hour.”

Kevin sighed. “Only an hour?”

“Yeah, he..he’s back to where he was when you saw him the other week,” Brian replied, his voice thick with emotion.

“I’m catching a flight back tonight.”

“We’re okay, Kev. Finish what you went back to California to do,” Brian begged.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Kevin replied, quickly ending his side of the conversation.

As Brian turned to let himself into the hotel room, he could hear the bathroom door slam shut and footsteps running toward the bathroom and Nick's voice. "I told ya I have to go! Lemme in!"

With a sigh, he slid the room card into the door. This was going to be a long night with AJ and Nick!

Letting himself into the hotel room, Brian found Nick clawing at the bathroom door, dancing side to side.

“I told you I hafta gooooo!” Nick whined.

“AJ, open the door and let Nick in…” Brian hissed as he pounded on the door.

AJ snarled at the closed door. “The kid can wait I was in here first!”

Brian tugged a hand through his hair. “Then you might as well start the shower.”

AJ stepped out of the bathroom. “Why?”

“Because of your immaturity, Nicky didn’t make it.”

AJ scowled at the young Kentuckian. “Huh?”

Brian gestured toward the young blonde face reddened with embarrassment.

“I-I’m sorry,” Nick studdered, tears running down his flushed face.

Brian looped a fatherly arm around his brother. “Don’t worry about it….it wasn’t your fault.”

“Can the kid take a shower on his own?” AJ wondered out loud.

Brian shrugged his shoulders. “Most eight year olds can take showers on their own, I would think. Nick do you take showers at home?”

Nick shook his head. “Yeah we take showers but someone is in the room with us when we do.”

Brian smirked at the rebel. “Looks like AJ will be making sure you’re okay when you take your shower since he didn’t----“

“What the fuck! I don’t want to watch Kaos take a shower,” AJ spat.

“You’re not gonna watch him shower, you’re just going to be in the bathroom to make sure he doesn’t slip and fall..”

“If you’re worried about the kid falling how about he just climbs into a bathtub?”

“It’s up to you then, you caused this mess you figure out what you want to do,” Brian replied.

AJ looked over at Nick. “Bath okay?”

Nick nooded his head up and down. “I love baths!” he answered happily.

AJ shook his head. “Just wait for me to run the water and then you can go in and get undressed. I don’t need to see anything.”

“You’ve seen it before,” Brian grinned.

“Yeah but I really don’t want to see it now.”

Brian walked over to Nick’s suitcase and pulled out a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. “Make sure you don’t have the water too….”

“I’m not gonna scald Carter for chrissakes,” AJ sputtered.

“I wasn’t concerned about the temperature, just don’t have it too high,” Brian advised.

AJ rolled his eyes. “I doubt Nicky would drown when we’re only ten feet away from the bathroom door….Okay Nick, the tub is ready, soap is on the ledge with the washcloth. Go on in, holler if you need anything.”

Brian watched as AJ stepped aside to let the younger man into the bathroom. Resting back on the bed, tucking an arm under his head Brian shook his head. “You’d make a lazy father.”

AJ puffed his chest out. “I think I would be a great dad.”

He watched as AJ rummaged through his own overnight bag. “What are you doing now?”

“I’m gonna step outside for a smoke, jackass.”

“Nick is in the tub…”

“So?”

“You’re going to go outside and smoke a cigarette with Nick in the bathtub? This is exactly what I’m saying….you can’t just walk away and leave him in the bathroom alone in a tub!”

AJ stuck the smoke in his mouth and opened the sliding door. “What the hell are you in here for?”

Brian shook his head. “Never mind.”

The pounding on the hotel room door, startled Nick awake. Disoriented, he looked around the room and immediately discovered the bed that AJ had slept in was empty and Brian was no longer laying next to him in the king sized bed they shared.

He wandered over to the door, figuring that one of them had locked themselves out. “Coming….Did you forget your room card?”

Kevin Richardson stood on the other side of the door. “Nick?”

“Kevin?”

He looked past the blonde as he entered the room. “Why did you answer the door?”

“Cause you were beating on it, dumb ass.”

“Where is everybody?”

Nick climbed back into the warm cocoon. “I dunno.”

“I’m in the bathroom,” Brian called out.”

“Where’s AJ?”

“Don’t know, don’t really care,” Nick grumbled as he rolled over.

Kevin stared at the lump in the bed, narrowing one eye. “Do you know where you are?”

“In a hotel,” Nick muttered.

“What year is it?”

“Jesus Kevin let me sleep, I’m tired and what kind of question is that?”

“Answer me Nick,” Kevin insisted.

“What difference does it make?”

Brian smiled at his cousin as he entered the room. “Hey Kev, I didn’t think you were going to be here this early.”

“I thought you said Nick lapsed back.”

“He has.”

“He isn’t right now,” Kevin replied.

Brian stared at the lump in the bed.

“Nick, what year is it?”

“Leave me alone!”

Brian shook his head. “That’s just Nick being stubborn as usual.”

“Nick answer me, what year is it!”

Nick pulled the blankets away from his face. “You’re such a retard…2003.”

Brian raised an eyebrow as he looked down at the blonde.

“Are we on tour?”

Nick sighed as he thought. “I don’t know….we’re in a hotel so we must be? Can I just sleep? I’m tired.”

Kevin swatted the young man on the foot. “I don’t want you to sleep I want to spend some time with my little man….I missed you so much.”

“Do you know how gay that just sounded?” Nick protested underneath the blankets.

Kevin wandered around the room. “Set up the karaoke machine! Didn’t you guys bring a karaoke machine with you?”

Nick raised himself up on his elbows. “Why the fuck do you want to sing right now? I want to sleep!”

“I’ll leave you alone if you sing something to me,” Kevin promised.

“Kev, I’m getting worried about you…..do you know how gay you’ve been sounding since you walked into the room?” Nick answered.

“I don’t care if I sound gay…..I missed you,” Kevin replied.

“I haven’t been away from you. We saw each other last night,” Nick casually responded.

Brian and Kevin exchanged looks.

“If I sing will you leave me alone,” Nick croaked his voice hoarse from sleep.

“Yeah, I’ll leave you alone,” Kevin replied.

“Okay since you’re being gay this morning…this is for you,” Nick cleared his throat. “Am I original? Am I the only one? Am I sexual? Am I everything you need? You better rock your body now!”

With that task completed, Nick laid back down and pulled the covers over his head.

“That’s the first time he’s sung anything,” Brian whispered, tears pooling in his eyes.

“I hate to let him sleep. You said that this doesn’t last long,” the elder Kentuckian said with a shake of his head.

As Brian opened his mouth to reply, the hotel door opened.

“I brought coffee and donuts and milk for….,” AJ announced as he kicked the door shut. “….Train, when did you get here?”

“Why the hell is everyone in here?” Nick demanded angrily. “I just want to sleep.”

AJ looked at Nick and then the others.

“Get up and get dressed Nick, we’re going out for breakfast! No excuses, you can sleep later!”

AJ stared at his older brother. “Do you think that is a good idea?”

“Just wait and see, I want to spend some long lost quality time with Nick.”

“You are seriously worrying me with the gay talk Kevin,” Nick growled as he dragged himself out of bed.

A pounding noise from the hotel room next door startled Brian. As he rolled over in bed, he opened his eyes to get acclimated to his surroundings. Rubbing the sleep from his face as he sat up, he glanced over and saw a lump in the bed, indicating that Nick was still sleeping.

Running a hand through his hair, Brian realized that he had one hell of a dream. It had seemed so real; Nick being Nick again, Kevin seeing Nick acting like himself.

Pinching the bridge of his nose to stop tears that pooled in his eyes, he wished it had been anything but a dream. Then again, AJ isn’t in the room….Nick sleeping…Kevin showing up sooner than expected….that was how his dream had started…..

“It could happen,” Brian softly said to himself as he tossed the covers aside as he made his way to stand and get up to walk to the get ready for the day.

Just as he walked out of the bathroom there was a knock on the door.

Shaking his head as he headed for the door Brian shook his head. .“This is dejavu. If it’s Kevin at the door I seriously will freak out.”

Instead of Kevin on the other side of the door, Brian felt his heart drop when he was met with AJ, holding a Dunkin Donuts bag and a carry out holder with three coffee cups.

“Did you lose your room card again?” Brian asked as he stepped aside to let him in.

“No, just couldn’t get the damn thing to get in sync with holding the coffee and the donuts. I tried like five times. Didn’t you hear me outside swearing?”

Brian grinned as a mental picture flashed in his head of AJ holding the bag with his teeth, juggling the coffee and failing on unlocking the door and cursing after the first attempt. “Nah, I was in the bathroom.”

“Gotcha. So the kid is still sleeping?” AJ asked with a nod of his head in the direction of the bed.

“Yeah.”

“He woke me up with his loud-assed snoring so I decided to go on a donut run. I brought back coffee and donuts.”

“I didn’t hear him snoring,” Brian said as he looked into the bag. “And you realize that you snore too.”

“Not as loud as he does! Besides, you weren’t sleeping next to him. How about we switch beds tonight?” AJ asked as he pulled a cup of coffee from the take out container.

“Kevin will be here tonight.”

AJ dumped four packets of sugar into his coffee and looked up at Brian. “Shit, that’s right. Why is Train dropping everything in California and flying back here?”

Brian shook his head. “I guess since Nicky was having a good day again, Kevin felt that he was missing out and wanted to be with him since he hasn’t seen Nick lucid.”

“I suppose that would make sense, but doesn’t he realize that Nick might not do this again for awhile,” AJ reminded.

“You know it may not ever happen again,” Brian added sadly.

“It will happen again,” AJ rasped as he struggled to keep his composure.

The loud talking woke Nick. Yawning, he stretched before he sat up.

Brian smiled at his younger brother. “Good morning Nick.”

AJ smiled and nodded. “Hey Kaos.”

The older men literally waited on pins and needles to see what ’Nick’ awoke.

“Mornin’,” the blonde said back softly.

“I brought back some coffee and donuts,” AJ remarked as he gestured with a hand toward the dresser top.

“Yuck, coffee?” Nick said as he stuck his tongue out for emphasis.

“You used to love coffee,” Brian replied sadly knowing the old Nick wasn’t there.

“I shudda gotten cocoa,” AJ said shaking his head. “I wasn’t thinking kiddo, I’m sorry.”

Brian gestured toward the bag. “You want a donut?”

Nick shrugged his shoulders. “What kind?”

“I got the basic donuts,” AJ rasped.

Padding over to the donut bag, Nick peered in. “No sprinkle ones?”

“Nope. They’re too messy and sugary,” AJ defended.

The young blonde raced back into the bed, drawing the covers up to his neck.

“You at least have to eat one, AJ brought back a dozen.”

“They don’t have sprinkles on them,” Nick pouted.

“Sprinkles only hide the essence of the true donut,” AJ defended. Ignoring Brian’s eye rolling at his remark, he added, “Try the chocolate one, I bet you’d like that.”

“Does it have frosting on it?”

Reaching into the bag, AJ plucked the donut out. “You’re in luck kid, this one actually has gooey chocolate frosting on it.”

“YIPEE,” Nick whooped as he jumped up and raced over toward AJ.

AJ smirked. “Little things excite the boy.” His face grew serious. “I’m sorry about the coffee, you sure you don’t want to try it? You used to drink a shit load of it back in the day.”

Nick looked at the containers. “I dunno.”

“If you dump a pile of sugar and creamer into one, I’m sure you’d like it.”

“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” Brian replied. “How about you go down to the vending machines and see if you can find some type of juice for Nicky.”

AJ turned to face Brian. “Why wouldn’t it be a good idea?”

“Well, for one thing, coffee usually scalding hot.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Little kids don’t drink scalding hot beverages,” Brian continued.

“Nick isn’t a little kid—“

“Mentally he is,” Brian interrupted.

Nick could sense the tension in the air. “Please don’t fight about me! I’ll drink the coffee.”

Brian shook his head. “Nope, we’ll get you some juice to go with the donuts. Besides, if you’re not hooked on coffee, it’s a good thing to leave it that way.”

“But AJ said I used to drink a lot of coffee,” Nick protested.

“Yeah a shit load,” AJ agreed. “With tons of sugar and cream, never black.”

“And this is why Nick doesn’t need to get hooked on it again. He has had a weight issue all of his life. Why get him hooked on something he doesn’t need?”

Ignoring Brian’s comment, Nick looked toward the tattooed rebel. “Can I at least try some?”

AJ shook his head. “Nah, you don’t want to get me in trouble with big, bad Brian now, do you? Let’s go down and see what we can find in the vending machines. Just slip on some of these pajama pants and we can walk down there.”

“Hey, you can’t walk down there like that,” Brian said with a disgusted look on his face. “Nick, here’s a napkin, you have frosting all over face,” Brian said. “Did you get any donut in your mouth?”

“Of course I did. It was good!” Nick sing-songed his reply as he skipped toward the door where AJ stood.

“Shoes Nicky!” Brian called out after him.

“We’re just walking down the hall,” AJ argued.

“Then at least he could put on some socks,” Brian replied as he made his way toward Nick’s suitcase.

“Jesus Bri, when did you go all parental?”

“Someone has to be, I feel like I am taking care of two kids here.”

”I’m taking care of two kids,” AJ mocked causing Nick to snicker.

“C’mon Nick, put these on and you can go follow AJ.”

Tossing an irritated look at Brian, Nick took the white socks and sat on the edge of the bed, tugging them hastily over his feet.

“I’m ready! Let’s go!”

“Hopefully you won’t get lost,” Brian smirked.

“You wanna go with us?” Nick asked.

“Nah, I think you guys can handle it. Besides, Kevin might show up while you’re gone.”

AJ shook his head. “Doubt it…c’mon Nick your juice awaits.”

In a rare minute of being ‘parental-like’, Brian heard AJ yelling, “WALK! DON”T RUN NICK!” He shook his head, wondering if AJ woke up the entire fifth floor of the hotel. Brian could only smile as he picture the scene of the six foot two inch blonde running down the hall and AJ walking as fast as his short legs could carry him.

Nick was just being Nick, Brian decided. He always used to get excited over simple things. His smile faded when his mind drifted over to Nick. He missed his old friend.

Arranging all the pillows against the headboard, AJ settled back on the bed. “Hotels suck,” he mumbled with a shake of his head.

“Yes they do,” Brian agreed as he leaned over the edge of the bed. “Nick, are you sure you don’t want to lay up here? That floor doesn’t look very comfortable.”

The blonde shook his head. “Nope.”

“There’s plenty of room for you to play your game here,” the Kentuckian added as he patted the spot next to him on the bed.

Nick kept his attention directed to the television screen. “Why can’t I play where I am?”

“Leave the kid alone,” AJ rasped. “He said he was fine down there and besides, Kaos always played his video games on the floor!”

“How about we play some games together?” Brian asked as he sat down on the floor beside his young brother.

Stepping over Brian and Nick, AJ grabbed a room card off the dresser and started toward the door. “I’m gonna go down and check the machine for some munchies.”

Nick tossed the controller down, jumping up. “Can I come too?”

“I thought you were going to play a game with me!”

“When I come back.”

AJ snorted. “He blew you off! I know the kid always liked me more.”

Brian shook his head. “It’s not about like; it’s about getting out of this room. I’m sure he’s bored.”

“I’m not bored! I just want to go with AJ to the vending machines,” Nick clarified.

“And there’s the truth! He does like me!”

Brian rolled his eyes. “You act like you just won a bet or something.”

AJ flashed a cheeky grin towards Brian as he opened the door and Nick quickly following the rebel. “You just wanted to get away from Brian, didn’t you?” the rebel asked as they started off down the hall.

“Sorta….he acts like Mrs. Graham sometimes,” Nick admitted.

“Mrs. Graham?”

“She’s my teacher.”

“I see,” AJ answered absently. “Do you miss being there?”

Nick stared at AJ as after they entered the vending machine area. “Miss being where?”

“Home at SunValley.”

Nick thought for a moment before shaking his head. “Not really. It’s funner here ‘cept when Brian acts like Mrs. Graham.”

“Yeah Brian can be a real asshole,” AJ agreed.

“That’s a bad word!”

AJ growled and then he looked up at the blonde. “Who the fuck cares? Who the fuck is here to really care Nicky? You need to lighten up….we don’t need Brian policing every damn word you say! You swore all the time before your accident.”

The rebel paused as he looked through the glass on the selections offered in the vending machine.

”Oooh Pop Tarts!” Nick squealed.

AJ’s head shot up. “Don’t ever do that again!”

Immediately, tears pooled in the young man’s eyes and he crouched down in the corner, embarrassed at being disciplined. AJ immediately regretted his tone, squatting down he touched Nick on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry Nicky, I’m not mad at you…..I just don’t want you to squeal…guys don’t squeal.”

The blonde looked up.

“And they don’t suck on their fingers,” AJ said as he lightly pulled on Nick’s forearm, pulling the two fingers out. Standing up, AJ pulled his billfold out of his back pocket. “Do you want to see something cool you used to do with Pop Tarts when we were stuck in a hotel while we were on tour?”

Wiping the tears off his cheeks, Nick stood alongside AJ, watching the rebel purchase the pastry.

“You’re gonna eat it here?”

AJ shook his head. “Nah. Watch this, you used to do this when you were bored.”

Snickering as he tore the wrapper off, AJ pulled one of the pastries out and jammed it into the dollar slot. “You used to do this….”

Nick stared at AJ in disbelief. “But now no one can use it….”

“That’s what’s so funny….”

“But we can’t use it now,” Nick pointed out.

AJ clamped on hand on Nick’s shoulder. “Yeah, we should have went down a floor to jam that machine. Good point. I guess we need to go down to the next floor for our munchies…it’s not like we have anything else to do today.”

“We should tell the hotel people that the machine is broke.”

“The hotel people won’t care. Didn’t you listen to me before? I said you need to lighten up. Nicky you were the king of pulling pranks! I miss that! It’s been so long that I’ve had the old Nick Carter around.”

“So we were in hotels lots?”

“Tons of times Nick. We toured around the world. You’ve been everywhere in the world.”

“On a plane?”

AJ nodded. “Yes on a plane although you hated flying. I swear there were some times Kevin threatened to throw you over his shoulder to get you on a plane. You always thought we’d crash.”

“When is Kevin coming?”

“Whoa…that came out of the blue….How did you know Kevin was coming back already?”

“I heard you talking this morning to Brian.”

“Oh yeah…well I guess sometime today, Brian didn’t have any info on Kevin’s flight as far as I know.”

“Screw the vending machines. Let’s see if tight ass Brian wants to go out to eat somewhere….c’mon Nick.”

Just as they walked past the elevator, the doors slid open and a disgruntled looking Kevin Richardson walked off, a large carryon bag in tow.

AJ grinned at the sight. “Looks like someone got off on the wrong side of the bed this morning,” he whispered to Nick.

Ignoring the comment, Nick ran up to Kevin. “Hi Kevin!”

The Kentuckian smiled. “Howdy Nickolas.”

“Rough flight?” AJ questioned as he waited for Kevin to approach where he stood.

Kevin shifted the carryon bag to the opposite shoulder. “No, the flight was fine it was the fact that I waited for someone to pick me up and no one showed that bothers me.”

“Rok didn’t mention that you expected someone to pick you up. I didn’t even know what time you were flying in.”

“Figures,” the elder grumbled. “Why are you two roaming the hall?”

“We pulled a joke on the vending machine,” Nick announced.

Kevin raised a brow in question. “Pulled a joke on the vending machine?”

AJ squirmed under Kevin’s piercing eyes. “Skip it, Kaos doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”I see….what did you do Nick?”

“Here we are, home sweet home,” AJ blurted, slipping the room card into the slot.

“Hey I was ‘posed to do that!” Nick cried.

“Shush, Nicky don’t talk so loud in the hall,” Kevin admonished.

“Look who we found in the hall,” AJ announced as they walked into the room.

Kevin dropped his bag onto the floor next to the bed. “How come you didn’t pick me up?”

“I didn’t know anyone was supposed to pick you up,” Brian defended.

“I told you Contential flight 794 arrives at 10:57 am. I waited for an hour for someone to come and pick me up.”

“:Why didn’t you call?” Brian asked.

“Funny thing about trying to call you, I kept getting your voice mail and I got AJ’s voice mail too.”

Brian pulled his phone off the nightstand. “You shouldn’t have gotten my voice mail….crap, I’m sorry Kev, my phone was shut off. What about yours Jay?”

The tattooed rebel pulled his cell phone out of his front pants pocket, shaking it. “This damn thing hasn’t been reliable ever since I dropped the son of a bitch on my driveway last month.”

“Why didn’t you get a replacement then? I swear to god you never cease to amaze me,” Kevin muttered as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“I haven’t had the time to walk in and get a new phone,” AJ defended. “Been a little busy with the kid here.”

“Busy doing what?”

“Please don’t fight,” Nick begged, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry Nick, I’m just a little frustrated,” Kevin apologized. He looked at the assortment of PS2 games lying on the floor in front of the television. “Brian tells me that you guys went to Wal-Mart to get some games?”

The blonde nodded. “Yeah we got some games to play. You want to play something?”

“How about we go grab something to eat? I was telling Nick we need to get something to eat. You hungry Kev?”

The older man yawned as he ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah I guess so.”

Noticing his cousin’s demeanor, Brian opened up the room service menu. “How about we just order food in?”

“Thought you were sick of being stuck in the hotel too,” AJ rasped.

“I am, but Kevin just got here and I’m sure he’d like to wind down and relax,” Brian suggested.

“How about me and the kid go grab some McDonald’s then.”

Brian and Kevin groaned.

“What the hell else do you suggest than besides fricken room service?”

“How about you give me ten minutes and then we go out to eat?” Kevin asked. “Besides, I see that Nicky needs to get cleaned up.”

It wasn’t until Kevin pointed out that Nick needed to be cleaned up that both Brian and AJ noticed the chocolate smears and juice stains on the blonde’s t-shirt from the morning’s breakfast.

Brian immediately felt guilty of neglect. “I’m sorry Nick, I didn’t notice your shirt was dirty.” He quickly flashed a look at AJ.

“Why you looking at me like that?”

“You were with him in the hall!”

“Yeah, so?”

“Didn’t you see that his shirt had junk on it?”

“No, but why is it all of a sudden my fault?” AJ argued.

“Knock off the arguing; can’t you see you have Nick upset now?” Kevin said as he walked over toward the blonde. He put an arm around him. “It’s okay little man.”

AJ and Brian watched Kevin’s actions and immediately felt guilty.

“I’m sorry Nick, we just fight sometimes we don’t mean anything by it,” Brian said softly.

“Yeah kid, you know Rok can be a pain in the ass,” AJ added, ignoring Brian’s scowl.

“Like Mrs. Graham?” Nick sniffled.

“Yeah, just like Mrs. Graham,” AJ agreed grinning as Kevin and Brian had confused expressions on their faces. “Long story, maybe Nick will tell you guys about her some time.”

Kevin playfully rubbed the top of Nick’s head. “Okay, let’s find you something clean to put on so we can go grab a bite to eat.”

Brian shifted nervously in the booth from the uncomfortable silence. “So your flight was good?”

“Flight was fine,” Kevin muttered as he looked around the restaurant.

“Geeze Kev, don’t cop an attitude about no one picking you up,” AJ grumbled.

The older man stared at the rebel. “Who said I have an attitude?”

“Well, you’re not talking…”

Kevin leaned back into his seat as he drew a slow breath in. “Do I have to run off at the mouth to keep you entertained every two seconds?”

Playing with the salt and pepper shakers, AJ shrugged his shoulders.

“Good, cause I’m tired and I’m really not in the mood to argue…besides, I would rather listen to Nicky talk than hear myself.” He turned his attention to the blonde. “You haven’t said anything since we drove over here.”

This time it was Nick Carter that shrugged his shoulders and twisted his face into a thoughtful frown. “Nothing to tell ya.”

Brian grinned at Nick’s mannerisms. This was the Nick he knew and loved. Nick caught the smirk and immediately looked over at Brian. “Whatcha you smiling for?”

“Just you…”

AJ rolled his eyes. “You realize how gay you just sounded….all totally in love gayness.”

Kevin shook his head. “What is it with you and being gay,” Kevin questioned.

“Yeah, whats wrong with being gay?” Nick asked.

AJ looked over his shoulder as he leaned closer toward the table, whispering, “Keep your voice down Nick!”

“Why? Are you afraid someone will find out that you’re gay?” the blonde asked with a smirk on his face.

AJ glared at the sudden change in Nick’s demeanor. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What do you mean what’s wrong with me? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with me!”

“I told you to keep your voice down,” AJ admonished in a harsh whisper. He leaned back and then directed the next statement toward Brian and Kevin. “It would figure that as soon as we go to a public place Kaos decides to be like he was before the accident.”

“Accident? What the hell are you talking about?”

AJ nodded toward the blonde. “Exactly what I’m talking about!”

“Could you please tell me what you’re talking about?”

This time it was Brian that leaned forward. “He doubt he would recall what happened but I would have to agree with AJ. You seem to act normal when we go out in public.”

Nick started to move himself across the booth seat. “Jesus….Kevin, move.”

AJ cleared his throat, “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I need to take a piss, if it’s any of your business,” the blonde blurted.

The rebel slid out of his side of the booth, standing up. “I’ll go with you.” Standing in the aisle with Kevin, he waited a few moments for Nick to get out of the booth. Noticing that Nick was now suddenly happy to stay seated in the booth, he quickly whispered, “I thought you said you needed to use the bathroom…”

“That was before you decided you needed to go with me for some gay reason….” Nick mumbled, suddenly interested in the dessert menu.

Tired of standing in the aisle, Kevin slid back into the booth. “What looks good on the menu?”

“Stuff,” Nick replied and then quickly slid the menu back where he took it from.

“Such as?” Kevin pressed.

“It doesn’t matter, just pies and junk,” Nick replied. After a few minutes of awkward silence, he became aware of the eyes at the table looking at him. ”What!” he quickly snapped.

Kevin quickly placed a hand on the young man’s shoulder. “Take it easy.”

“Seriously, what the hell is everyone’s deal? I mean you guys get on my case this afternoon for no reason and I’m getting sick and tired of being singled out….where the hell is D anyways? He usually takes my side when you guys gang up on me.”

“Howie had business to take care of in Florida,” Kevin replied quietly.

Nick rolled his eyes. “During the middle of a tour? What the fuck Kevin….I’m shocked you even allowed that one to happen…”

“A tour Nick?”

“Are you deaf old man? Yeah, I said tour.”

AJ winced when Nick called Kevin old man. He was certain the Kentuckian was going to blow a gasket.

Kevin brushed Nick’s comment off. “There’s no need to call me names. Where do you think we are today?”

Looking around the restaurant, Nick shrugged his shoulders. “Dunno, you’d know as much about where we are than I would Kev since you always make it a point to memorize tour stops. The food is here, so just drop it, okay?”

Desperate to see if old Nick was the one that had everything before the accident, AJ looked at the wall behind the blonde to see if there was something that he could read what it said. He was disappointed when he realized it was only pictures on the wall. “Hey Kaos, I’m shocked you didn’t order a milk shake with that burger.”

Nick stopped in mid-chew to glare at the tattooed rebel. “You know I can’t have ice cream.”

“Huh? Why would you say that?”

Nick didn’t answer AJ’s question.

“Why would you say that Nick?”

“Leave Nick alone,” Kevin sighed. “Worry about your own food. I swear sometimes you act like a seven year old.”

Plunging several french fries into the pool of ketchup on the plate, Nick smiled. “Thank you Kevin.”

Brian grinned. “How’s your burger?”

Nick frowned. “Are you getting preoccupied with my food now too?”

“No, just a curious question, that’s all.”

“Burgers good, wanna see it?” Nick asked and then opened his mouth to show the chewed up food.

“Gross.”

“There’s the Carter I knew was in there,” AJ laughed. “How old are you since Kevin just said I was seven…”

“Three,” Nick replied non-chalantly.

“I see,” Kevin responded. He started to realize what AJ was getting at all of a sudden with the questions to Nick. “I keep forgetting it Nick, your birthday is coming up pretty soon, how old will you be again?”

“Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.”

“Twenty-five.”

Brian and AJ’s eyes widened. Nick was actually Nick and Kevin finally witnessed it!

“We should go out and celebrate,” AJ suddenly replied.

“I was thinking we should just go back and stay at the hotel tonight,” Kevin said. “Don’t y’all think that is a good idea?”

“Holy crap…you really are getting old,” Nick snickered.

Kevin puffed his chest out. “Maybe I am, but good god, I’m tired from the flight in this morning and I really think it would be good idea not to push yourself Nick.”

“What? You’re talking like I’m sick or something, it’s just a night off…besides when do you fly in? You’ve been cooped up in the hotel with the rest of us.”

Kevin quickly brushed off his statement of flying in. “Oh yeah…well, I guess I’m just a little tired from doing non stop concerts and stuff.”

As Nick looked around the restaurant, he began to realize that besides Howie not being with them; something was off.

Catching his gestures, Brian suddenly grew worried that Nick was slipping back into the post accident Nick. “Something wrong Nicky?”

“I dunno if it’s just me or not, but have you noticed that no one has come up to our table and bugged us for pictures or autographs?”

“No,” Brian replied.

“I mean not a soul…and it’s not like we’re sitting in a room full of geezers, no offense Kevin….but no one has asked us for squat.”

“That’s cause we’ve been off the map for a about two years since your accident,” AJ explained softly.

“Why the hell do you keep saying accident? What accident are you talking about? You’re seriously creeping me out!”

Kevin pulled his wallet from his back pocket and threw a hundred dollar bill on the table. “Let’s not talk here, lets go back to the hotel and I’ll talk to you there, alright?”

AJ shook his head. “Better yet, we’ll talk in the car.”

“Can’t wait,” Nick muttered through gritted teeth as he followed the rest of the guys through the restaurant toward the exit, all the while thinking the lack of recoginition from the other patrons and servers in the small building as spookily eerie.

Kevin sat in the driver’s seat, staring out the window with the keys in the ignition.

“Are you gonna drive or what?” AJ grumbled inpatiently.

Sighing, the Kentuckian gripped the steering wheel. “In a sec.”

Brian leaned towards the font seat. “Want me to drive?”

“I’m okay….just not sure where to drive to.”

“You said you were gonna fill me in on the crap you were saying back there,” Nick said as he gestured toward the restaurant. “This would be as good of a place as any as far as I’m concerned.” Again, Kevin sighed; closing his eyes. Studying the older man’s actions, fear washed over the younger man. “What accident were you guys talking about!!” he pressed.

This time AJ leaned forward to the passenger seat where Nick sat, putting a hand on his young brother’s shoulder. “Nicky, lets just wait.”

“You are acting like this is some bad secret or something…..please guys, talk to me!”

“I’m afraid to tell you…I’m afraid of losing you again,” Kevin mumbled, tears pooling in his eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Nick reassured. “I don’t know why you think you’re gonna lose me…”

“Kev’s right, maybe telling you this may be too much for you to handle,” AJ rasped. “Forget we even brought the subject up.”

“Oh my God….are you fucking serious? You can’t just keep saying the word accident and not tell me what you’re talking about. Wait a minute….Howie, did he get in an accident? Is that why he’s not here and you’re not telling me the truth?”

“Nick, don’t get yourself all worked up---“

“I’m not worked up,” Nick interrupted, pushing Kevin’s hand away from his chest. “Tell me now or I swear to God….”

Reaching into the glove box , Kevin pulled out the rental agreement on the car. “Nick, read what’s in the address section.”

Nick stared at Kevin with confusion and then at the paper.

“Please take the paper and read it,” Kevin asked as he pushed the paper toward Nick.

Tilting his head back and clenching his jaw, Nick stared at the roof of the car. “Have you lost your fucking mind?”

“Just do it,” Kevin insisted.

Groaning as he snatched the piece of paper from Kevin he looked over at the dark haired man. “I really have no idea what you’re getting at…if I do this then will you tell me what the hell is going on?”

No one answered Nick’s question; the tension that hung in the air was thick with emotion.

Sighing loudly, Nick looked down at the paper. Instead of reading the words that were on the form, he suddenly wadded the paper into a ball and dropped it onto the floor. Not to be thrown off by Nick’s movements, Kevin Richardson leaned over and retrieved the paper off the floor. Half expecting to see Nick with a look of anger on his face, he was surprised to see his youngest brother with tears welling up in his eyes.

Kevin placed a hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “Nicky?”

“I-I don’t understand…” he stuttered as the tears started to spill down his cheeks.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all,” AJ muttered. “We should have talked to him with his doc or better yet, back at the hotel.”

“I agree,” Brian chipped in.

Kevin tossed a warning look toward the occupants of the backseat.

Nick started sobbing. “W’what’s h-happened t-to m-me?”

’Fuck’ Kevn whispered. He suddenly realized this was a situation he had no clue how to fix.

Nick bent over in the front seat and stated to bawl.

“One of you guys come up and drive us back to the hotel,” Kevin urged suddenly. He knew one of the things that needed to be done was to get the young man back to a safe place since out in the public was not a so-nice place to be at the moment.

Immediately, AJ and Brian both jumped out from the backseat. “Get your ass back in the car,” AJ yelled as he opened the driver’s door. “We need to get back quick.”

“And safely,” Kevin reminded as he moved over towards Nick.

“Which we will,” AJ assured as he put the car into reverse and then squealed the tires as he drove out of the parking lot.

“Slow it down Jay,” Brian begged as he righted himself in the backseat, trying to quickly fasten his seatbelt.

“Damn dickheads,” AJ muttered as he tail gated a Cadillac. “That freakin old man can barely see over the steering wheel.” He honked his horn and flashed the middle finger as he sped past the car.

Ignoring the rebel’s driving methods, Kevin attended to a hunched over Nick, trying his best to soothe him by rubbing his back in small circles. “Ssssh, it will be okay,” he whispered.

In record time - by Brian’s standards – they arrived back at the hotel. Jerking the car into the nearest parking space, AJ quickly threw the car into park, causing it to lurch to a sudden stop.

“That’s how tyrannies get wrecked,” Brian grimaced with a shake of his head.

Killing the engine, AJ waited to see what the Kentuckian wanted to do next with Nick. “How’s he doing?”

“C’mon, Nicky…lets get back up to the room,” Kevin coaxed as reached down and unfasted the blonde’s seatbelt.

Brian quickly exited the car and opened the passenger door, taking Nick’s arm. “Take it slow, we’re right here bud.”

The only sound coming from the group was the young man’s whimpers as the made their way through the parking lot and then through the hotel lobby. They finally got into the hotel room without any incident.

“Here Nick, why don’t you lay down on the bed,” Kevin suggested as he led him to the bed next to the restroom. Wordlessly, Nick took the older man’s advice and laid back into the bed that Brian had quickly drawn the comforter and sheets back.

The three men sat quietly and watched to see what the blonde was going to say or do next. Instead of more questions, whimpers were slowly replaced with soft snoring.

This time it was Kevin Richardson that leaned forward in his seat, resting his head into his hands.”I fucked up…” he whispered.

“Why would you say that?” Brian questioned.

“Because he had a breakdown...don’t you remember what the doctor had been telling us about something like that happening?”

“How can you be so sure that this meant anything? I mean he didn’t really talk after he didn’t read what you gave him,” AJ wondered out loud.

Staring at the blonde, Kevin could only whisper back. “I just know…I just know….”

Kevin kept his vigil over Nick from where he sat in the chair in the corner of the room. He had ignored Brian and AJ’s request to go to bed, insisting that he wasn’t tired. The Kentuckian had lied to them about not feeling tired, he was exhausted! More emotional than physical.

With a slow shake of his head and tears in his eyes, the day’s events replayed in the older man’s head. When he first arrived at the hotel, Nick was acting like the eight year old Nick – the one that had returned to them after the alcohol and drug overdose. That was the Nick he had grown to know and accept as best as he could. After an uneventful drive to the restaurant, Nick had transformed into the young man that Nick had grown to be; the Nick Carter prior to the ‘accident.’

Folding his hands, Kevin quietly sighed as he continued to think about the afternoon. He recalled that once they were seated in the restaurant, it was like a switch had been flipped on and he suddenly became ’Nick.’

”He never read the menu…” Kevin mumbled softly as he recalled. “I fucking blew it by making him read….”

The Kentuckian’s soft muttering woke youngest band member, immediately putting Kevin on edge.

“Sorry Nicky, did I wake you?”

The blonde slowly sat up in bed and yawned while he stretched. Instead of a verbal reply, he shook his head.

“Good....” Kevin replied to the nod. He watched as the young man crawled out of bed and padded into the bathroom, softly closing the door.

Drawing a hand over his face in a tired gesture, Kevin yawned as he tried to compose himself for when Nick would re-enter the room. It took only a few minutes before the blonde emerged from the bathroom, his face still flushed from sleep.

“I was thinking about grabbing some coffee from the restaurant downstairs, would you like some?”

“I dunno,” Nick quietly replied with a shrug of indifference as he laid back into the bed, pulling the covers up.

“I could bring you back something else if you want…” Kevin said, thinking of something to say to draw the young man into some type of a conversation to see how Nick exactly was this morning. Before Nick answered, a loud fart pierced the silence in the room.

”You sick pig!” Brian shouted as he quickly jumped from the bed and started smacking AJ with a pillow.

Kevin could only smirk as he watched the drama unfold from the other side of the hotel room. “Good morning Bri.”

“I’m sorry for being loud but that was just sick and wrong!” he apologized.

“Like you never farted before in your life,” AJ defended.

Kevin looked over at Nick hoping that this would draw him into a conversation he desperately wanted to have. Farts and AJ was usually a subject of interest coming from Nick. “Nick, aren’t you going to say anything about what AJ did?”

“Nope,” Nick softly replied.

“You’re awake Kaos?”

“Yeah.”

Kevin was starting to grow alarmed with Nick’s one-word responses. The young man’s face did not show any emotion, just a blank look. ’Maybe I’m reading too much into this,’the elder Kentuckian wondered.

“I thought I heard you mention coffee,” AJ rasped as he sat on the edge of Nick’s bed.

“I did.”

AJ looked around the room and then at Kevin. “So where is it?”

“I only talked about getting coffee; I haven’t done anything about it yet. Nick really didn’t seem to be too excited about it so I thought I would wait until everyone was up,” Kevin drawled.

“Well, we could all go down to the restaurant and have breakfast,” AJ suggested.

“I’m not sure if that would be such a good idea,” Kevin replied with a nod toward the bed.

‘Is he okay?’ AJ mouthed.

Kevin could only shrug his shoulders.

AJ squeezed Nick’s foot. “Nicky, do you want to go downstairs and have breakfast?”

The young man rubbed his eyes with the heels from the palm of his hand. “What time is it?”

Relief washed over Kevin. Nick said more than two words…. “Eight-fifteen.”

“We probably could have slept in longer if Bonehead hadn’t farted and woke the entire hotel up,” Brian answered as he emerged from the bathroom, toweling dry his hair.

“Did you save any water butthead?” AJ grumbled as he jumped up from the bed and walked toward the bathroom.

“I wasn’t in there that long,” Brian defended.

“Yeah…..yeah,” AJ muttered as he closed the door.

Brian turned his attention to Nick. “Did you sleep okay?”

“I suppose.”

Brian then looked over at his cousin. “Did you ever get some sleep last night Kev?”

“Probably on and off….not sure, I was too preoccupied with thinking.”

“Understandable…everything seems to be okay so I wouldn’t beat myself up over last night,” Brian assured.

Kevin sighed. “I’m not too sure yet if everything is alright.”

Standing beside the bed looking down at his best friend, Brian asked, “Nick, how are you feeling this morning?”

Nick furrowed his brows in confusion. “Why?”

“You had a rough time---“

“Brian!” Kevin warned as he tried to stop Brian.

“I-I mean you….you weren’t feeling well…” Brian’s stammering statement sounded more like a question. He knew he was a bad liar but he didn’t know how to dig himself out of the hole he felt that he had suddenly dug himself into.

Nick stared up at Brian, unsure where he was going with that question.

“Do you feel like having breakfast this morning Nick?” Kevin questioned, desperate to draw Brian’s question away.

“Yeah, we could either go out for breakfast or have it downstairs in the hotel restaurant,” Brian added.

Kevin scowled. “How about we just call room service this morning.”

“I thought you hated room service,” Nick mumbled.

“I do, but today is different,” Kevin stated.

“So you remember that Kevin is cheap…” Brian grinned. His grin was cut short by his cousin’s gesturing with a finger to his mouth to stop talking.

Standing up, Kevin grabbed the room card. “Brian, come out in the hall for a sec…I need to talk to you about something.”

Wordlessly, Brian followed his cousin out of the room. Once the door was close, Kevin leaned in to speak.

“ You need to stop reminding Nick about how he was,” Kevin started in a hushed tone. “I don’t actually know how Nick would take the comments and I don’t want to have a replay of what happened in the parking lot last night. So far, to me he seems pretty fragile this morning..”

“Fragile? How?”

Kevin sighed, “I don’t know for sure, but he seems really quiet almost like he’s depressed…I can’t put a finger on it but something seems off to me.”

“Maybe you’re wrong about that. Nick’s never been a morning person. He doesn’t seem to remember what happened last night when I asked him how he felt. I think he’ll be fine.”

“I’m just scared to push him. I think we should wait until we can get him back to talk to his doctor,” Kevin argued. “He’s supposed to be back today at SunValley, right?”

“Do you honestly think that’s a good idea taking him back there today? I can call them and ask for an extension or something…explain that we need more time with Nick, it would be an honest request.”

Kevin shook his head. “I know for a fact that they’re pretty strict with their rules and regulations in that place…”

“But if I call one of Nick’s parents and tell them what is happening with Nick, they could get that place to bend their rules,” Brian suggested.

“Let me think about it,” Kevin replied as he unlocked the door to their room. Once inside the room, he discovered that Nick wasn’t laying in bed anymore. “Where’s Nick?”

AJ pointed toward the bathroom. “Taking a shower. I told him we’re going to go downstairs to get something to eat.”

Kevin glared at AJ. “Did I not fucking tell you that going downstairs was out of the question?!”

“Actually, no you didn’t…the only thing you said was you weren’t sure if it was a good idea. Hell, I even asked the kid when he was in the room…he never answered me, he just wanted to know what time it was,” AJ growled.

Kevin blinked his eyes a few times, digesting the statement AJ made. He immediately regretted snapping at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bite your head off….I’m just tired.”

AJ patted the older man on the shoulder. “It’s okay, we’re all pretty tired I suppose.”

“So do you think going downstairs is okay then?” Brian asked, “or do the room service thing?”

“Room service? That stuff is nasty, if anything I could go to Micky D’s and bring shit back,” AJ suggested.

“How about we ask Nick and see what he wants to do,” Brian suggested as Nick stepped out of the bathroom.

The blonde looked at the guys, with a puzzled expression. “Ask me what?”

“Room service, downstairs restaurant or me going to get some McDonald’s,” AJ asked. “I vote restaurant.”

Nick shrugged his shoulders. “I personally don’t care either way.”

AJ clapped his hands together. “Then it’s decided, we’ll go out.”

Kevin folded his arms across his chest. “No, lets just order food to the room.”

Nick sat on the edge of the bed. “I don’t know why we’re arguing about food and me. I honestly don’t care what we do or if we even eat.”

Ignoring Nick’s out-of-character disinterest in eating, Kevin plucked the hotel menu out of a desk drawer. “Just order room service, alright? It’s pointless to go out right now. I’m getting wheat toast, black coffee and orange juice,” he said, tossing the menu over to Brian.

Brian opened the menu. “I guess we can just do that then. I’ll have two eggs over easy, hash browns and black coffee…you’re writing this down aren’t you?”

Kevin looked over at Brian. “Huh?”

“It was your idea for room service, so I figured you’d be taking the orders and calling down.”

Pulling the note pad and pen from the dresser drawer, Kevin quickly wrote down Brian’s order. “Yeah, I suppose I could.”

AJ grumbled as he studied the menu. “God, this stuff looks like shit.”

Brian swatted the tattooed rebel in the back of the head. “There are no pictures so how do you know what it looks like?”

“Just the descriptions,” he hissed as he rubbed the back of the offended area. “I guess gimme a Hammy Sammy…boy that really sounds gay right there—“

“Shut up,” Kevin warned.

“A Hammy Sammy and black coffee,” AJ muttered, tossing the menu over to Nick.

Kevin held his breath as he watched Nick open the room service menu afraid he could have having another relapse when confronted with reading. His fears were quickly realized when Nick sat there for a few moments, a perplexed look on his face. Wordlessly, Nick closed the menu and lay back on the bed.

As the others exchanged worried looks, the elder man quickly made his way over the bed. “Nick?”

Ashamed, Nick rolled away from Kevin’s view, burying his face into the pillow. Kevin started rubbing the boy’s back in small, comforting circles. “Nicky?”

Nick didn’t have to speak, the muffled sounds of his cries told Kevin exactly what was going on.

Once again, Kevin felt he had fucked things up for Nick.

“Baby, it’s gonna be okay, I’m sorry….it’s my fault….I’m sorry,” Kevin whispered softly as he knelt beside the bed and wrapped his arm around the young man’s shoulders as best as he could manage.

Concerned washed over the older man as he glanced at his baby brother. After the episode in the hotel room, he reluctantly had placed a call to the adult care facility to speak with someone that was in charge of Nick’s care. Despite Brian and AJ’s insistance to accompany them back to SunValley, Kevin waved them off insisting that he would be able to manage Nick better on his own.

Now as they sat in the psychologist’s office, Kevin was beginning to wonder if declining Brian and AJ’s offer to come with them was such a good idea after all. The drive over there, thankfully had been uneventful. All he had told Nick was that they were going for a ride; he felt decitful with his vague answer, but he did as he had been told to do by the nurse that apparently worked for the doctor.

Kevin shuddered as he thought about Nick’s initial reactions of being led into the lobby of SunValley. The staff immediately greeted him by name as they walked through the entrance of the home. Confusion – not recognition was etched on the young man’s face as he acknowled their greetings with an air of uncertainty.  Then as they waited on the psychologist to meet with them, he seemed detached. Nick’s face eerily was void of emotion.

Dr. Ron Freeman entered the room, carrying a large file that was obviously Nick’s. He sat down behind the large desk, flipping the folder open. Staring at the man Kevin barely breathed, unsure of what to think. His gut instinct was to take Nick and get the hell out of the office. He never trusted shrinks or people that were focused on the brain. Kevin truly believed that you heal yourself. He mentally shook the thoughts from his mind. This only applied when it came to himself – he was there for Nick. Nick Carter was more of a complex person even before the accident.   

The doctor looked at Kevin and Nick as he cleared his throat. “I’m doctor Freeman,” the man announced with a broad smile.

Kevin promptly stood up and held his hand over the mohagony desk . “Kevin Richardson.” The doctor reciprocated with a firm handshake. This immediately put Kevin at ease….he thought if the man had a whimpy handshake he was definitely taking Nick away from the office. Kevin didn’t trust people with weak handshakes.

As Kevin sat back down the doctor immediately addressed him. “Mr. Richardson---“

“Please call me Kevin.”

Dr. Freeman smiled. “Okay Kevin, I assume you’re Nick’s caregiver?”

“You could say that,” Kevin replied. He glanced over at Nick to see what his reaction was to his being called ‘Nick’s caregiver.’ There appeared to be no connection to anything at that moment; Nick appeared to be in his own world.

“My nurse had informed me why you had contacted us this morning but I would like to hear from you the details please,” the doctor said as he looked over at Nick and then to Kevin.

Kevin shifted in his chair as he collected his thoughts. “We had decided to take Nick with us to spend a few days at a hotel, just the guys and Nicky,” Kevin started in his slow drawl. “At first Nick was being the usual Nicky that he had become…” he was carefully avoiding the word ’accident’ which clearly was a trigger word when Nick’s personality was growing back toward the 25 year old Nick and had sent him spiraling downwards.

Dr. Freeman was writing words onto a notepad while Kevin spoke, briefly looking up at Kevin as he spoke. “Go on,” the doctor encouraged when he noted that Kevin had stopped talking. “I’m listening.”

Taking a deep breath in, Kevin continued. “I had left to finish some business out in Los Angeles and Howie had to leave for Florida so Nick was with Brian and AJ…”

“Howie, Brian and AJ?”

“The other guys that were in the music group with Nick…Backstreet Boys,” Kevin clarified.

“Ah, yes.”

“…and during that time Nick had started doing things that was the old Nick. He had some flashbacks before, but they had been quick ones, you know, but this time he was the old Nick Cater for roughly an hour or so and then it became longer and longer. I mean when my cousin called and said Nick was Nick again I hurried back to Texas because I missed Nick so much,” Kevin said, quickly wiping the tears from his eyes before they fell.

The doctor glanced over at the box of tissues that sat on the corner of his desk. Kevin followed his eyes and quickly grabbed a couple of tissues.

Dr. Freeman waited for a few minutes for Kevin to regain his composure. He noted that Nick only sat quietly in the chair, looking down at his folded hands that lay in his lap. “And then you ran into some problems?”

Kevin sighed. “Yes. We kept saying a word and Nick grew irritated and wanted to know what we were talking about. When he didn’t understand what we were talking about I tried to see if Nick was back to us one hundred percent. When he discovered he couldn’t read he…”

Feeling remorse from his own actions in having Nick try to read, causing Nick’s current state, Kevin bowed his head as the tears sprung into his eyes.

The doctor waited for a few minutes before he softly started speaking. “Alright, Kevin I will need to talk with Nick for a bit, why don’t you step out and wait for a little while.”

Reluctantly, Kevin agreed. He hugged Nick before he left the office. “I’ll only be outside this room,” he whispered into the young man’s ear.

The only repsponse from Nick rubbing between his eyebrows and nodding slightly.

With a inward sigh, Kevin quietly left the room, worried about what would happen in that room while he was away.

“That doc has to be a fucking retard,” AJ sputtered as he paced the hotel room.

“Maybe he is, but he’s the one with the psychiatric degree, not you,” Kevin hissed back.

“So that’s it? You came back without Nicky? You just left him at Sunvalley when you didn’t want to take him back there in the first place? I can’t believe it,” Brian moaned as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

 “Technically he’s not at Sunvalley, he’s been admitted to a hospital,” Kevin clarified.

“What the fuck,” AJ growled as he pulled a cigarette out of his front pocket.

”Don’t you dare…”

Before Kevin could finish his threat, AJ lit the smoke. “I’ll pay the fine,” he muttered.

“Why on God’s green Earth did you leave Nicky? How did he take being left there?” Brian asked, worry etched on his face.

The older man sat down in the chair in the corner, rubbing a hand over his face. “Nick really didn’t react to anything while I had him. I hugged him and said goodbye,” Kevin replied, his voice cracking as choked up.

“I don’t get it,” the rebel said as he stopped pacing the room. “You said he was admitted to a hospital. Why was he admitted?”

“Something about psychatric eval,” Kevin mumbled quietly.

“So now they are saying Nick’s crazy?” AJ muttered.

“No, not at all. I guess Dr. Freeman needs to do more testing with Nick. All he told me was that Nick has had an emotional crisis.”

“A what?” Brian questioned. “I don’t get it.”

“Dr. Freeman said that when Nick was told about his accident, he didn’t comprehend what we were telling him and then when I had him try to read, things didn’t connect with his brain and he didn’t understand why he couldn’t do things he was suppose to be doing and I threw him over the edge—“

“That doctor didn’t say that to you Kevin, did he?” Brian interrupted.

“About Nick having an emotional crisis--“

“Yeah he did..”

AJ shook his head as he exhaled the smoke he had been holding in his lungs. “Stop blaming yourself!”

“Well I did cause this,” Kevin reiterated.  “Has anyone called Howie?”

“I did after you left with Nick,” Brian replied.

“D said he’ll be here sometime tonight,” AJ added. “Is there anything we can do for Nicky? Can we go see him?”

“Absolutely not! The doctor said Nick needs to be kept quiet and nothing to get him upset.”

“So what exactly is an emotional crisis?” AJ asked as he put out the cigarette into half empty soda can.

“Like put into a state of shock…it would be like if someone told you your mother died. You just can’t accept what has happened and you go into shock. I’m sorry for that analogy but I can’t think of a better way to explain this to you,” Kevin replied as he put his head into his hands.

Seeing Kevin’s actions, Brian was quick to go to his cousin’s side. He placed a comforting hand on the man’s shoulder, rubbing it slowing in a circular motion.
“Nicky will be okay. You did the right thing by calling the office.”

Brian tossed a stern look at AJ while he spoke to Kevin, trying to draw the tattooed rebel into assuring his cousin.

“Yeah, Kaos is tough…he’s come this far, he’ll be fine before you know it,” AJ added with a shrug of his shoulders.

Kevin couldn’t reply to the assurances that were given. He could only remember the look on Nick’s face as he was being admitted to the hospital:

One of total loss and confusion.

He could only pray that his baby brother could snap out of his emotional set back.

Kevin read the form that had been given to him from Dr. Freeman. It was a basic outline of things they should be doing for Nick. He handed the form over to Brian to read as well.

“Do you have any questions?”

“Not right now I don’t,” Kevin admitted.

Dr. Freeman studied Kevin. “Nick is a very complex person.”

Kevin smiled, “That he is.”

Folding his hands under his chin, the older man continued his thoughts. “We have had several sessions with Nick while he was admitted and we kept him longer than the overnight stay that I had originally planned. I felt it was necessary not to discharge him until he was comfortable with knowing what had happened to him and I feel he is coping as best as he can. After reviewing his medical records from when he was brought into the emergency room when this all had started with his accidental overdose and subsequent coma, it’s amazing that Nick survived.”

The silence that was left in the room made Brian uncomfortable. “So, what are we left with?”

“I’m sorry?” the doctor asked, not certain what Brian was asking.

“Nick, his personality I guess. Is he stable now or is there going to be more episodes? I can’t think of a better way to ask what I’m thinking,” Kevin clarified, knowing exactly what Brian was thinking.

Dr. Freeman leaned forward in his seat. “Nick is stable. He had a few episodes while he was being tested but after taking the prescribed medications and now has it in his system, he seems to be almost 100% better. The prescribed mediations are unfortunately a lifetime medication.”

Kevin’s eyes widened, not too happy at the thought of Nick having to take something type of medication for the rest of his life. “What did you put him on?”

“He is now taking Paxil 40 mg three times a day. He cannot skip a dose, he must take it three times a day. It has done wonders for him.”

Kevin frowned. “I honestly don’t like Nicky taking meds like that.”

“There really isn’t any other choice for him. He takes the meds he is fine, if he isn’t on the meds he has episodes. I have tried it both ways with him.”

“I have heard people that act numb when they take stuff like that,” Brian pointed out.

The doctor shook his head at the comment. “What Nick is taking is helping him, unfortunately this is something he needs to take for the rest of his life.”

Kevin sighed. The happy-go-lucky Nick now seemed even more complicated. “Getting back to my original question, how is Nick’s personality now?”

“He’s the twenty-four year old man he was at the time of his injury,” the doctor said.

”Emotionally and mentally?”

Dr. Freeman nodded. “Nick is Nick and he is stable as long as he is on the medication, if he goes off them he would most likely will have episodes.”

Recalling the breakdowns Nick had when confronted with reading, Kevin asked the psychiatrist his thoughts. “What about reading….that caused him to have this emotional crisis in the first place.”

“Nick has been told and he knows he has to relearn his basic skills such as math and reading. Those have been lost for some reason. The brain is very complex and unfortunately that area was effected.”

“So he won’t flip out when he is confronted with reading?” Brian questioned.

The old man smiled slightly. “He won’t flip out he may seem a little agitated but he won’t have a nervous breakdown like he did as long as he is on the medication. I am confident that Nick no longer needs to be in the hospital, so I can discharge him today.”

“To us?” Kevin asked hopefully.

“He can be discharged to his room at SunValley or to you but I would have to clear that with his guardians,” the doctor replied as he looked at Nick’s chart.

“But you just said that Nick is Nick, why on Earth would he go back to SunValley?” Kevin said with a shake of his head.

“I doubt if he could manage things on his own just yet. There will be more therapy needed for Nick.”

Kevin rolled his eyes at the doctor mentioning more therapy. He felt that maybe AJ pinned it correctly – that this guy was a quack.

Brian noticed his cousin’s eye rolling. “Just clear it with the Carters, we will take care of Nicky from here on out.”

“It will take more than a day then,” Dr. Freeman said as he started to flip through the thick chart.

“For one simple phone call?” Kevin grumbled. Pulling the cell out of his front pocket, he scanned through his contacts list. “I’ll call the Carter’s for you---”

“Not necessary,” Dr. Freeman interrupted. “I have their phone number, I just have to put everything in motion before I call them. You can go to Nick’s room downstairs while I gather the paperwork.”

Brian was one step ahead of the doctor. “Could we at least have the prescription that you want Nick to have? I think it would be a good idea to have it filled before he leaves the hospital.”

Not to be undermined, the doctor shook his head. “I’ll give Nick everything when he is released. Just go ahead and wait in his room. I’ll be down shortly.”

Reluctantly, Kevin and Brian left the psychiatrist’s office. Once on the elevator, Kevin stared down at his cousin. “What the hell were you doing? I had that man where I wanted him and you ask for the prescription?!”

“You didn’t have him anywhere. I thought we could get the script and then kidnap Nicky. We don’t need any discharge orders..”

“Kidnap Nick?” Kevin drawled.

“Yeah, just take him ourselves, we don’t need paperwork..”

Kevin shook his head. “I don’t think it’s that easy Bri. Think about this for a minute. Nick no longer has control over what he can legally do, therefore his parents are his guardians and if my thinking is correct, he will at some point go to court and have this removed…to just take him out of the hospital isn’t that simple anymore.”

Brian shook his head. “Why can’t this be more easy? Why didn’t you let AJ come along.”

The elevator stopped and the two exited, heading down the hall toward Nick’s room at SunValley. “Because I know what Bone would do and it wouldn’t be pretty.”

Brian smiled at the thought. “True, but it would be more effective.”

Upon entering the empty room, Kevin sat on the edge of Nick’s bed. “I guess we wait until Dr. Freeman brings Nicky back here,” he paused as he looked around the room adding, “ hopefully with papers saying he can pack up and go home.”

After a long wait, Nick was finally brought back to where Kevin and Brian were waiting. Kevin studied his baby brother skeptically. Brian was quick to flash Nick a smile. "Hey Nick, how are you? Feeling better?"

Kevin quickly gave his cousin a dark look. Before he could add any comment to Brian's question, Dr. Freeman appeared in the doorway.

"I have a call placed to Nick's parents, unfortunately they have not returned my call yet so Nick will have to remain here until we hear otherwise," Dr. Freeman stated in a calm voice. He placed a hand on Nick's forearm. "If you have any questions you can just ask one of the nurses."

Kevin shook his head. "The Carter's haven't called back? No one has talked to them yet!? Maybe they don't recognize your number so they're not answering the call," he added.

"I left both numbers I was given a voice message to return my call," Dr. Freeman reassured. "I have your number Mr. Richardson and I will be sure to contact you as soon as I hear their decision one way or the other." Barring any further questions, the doctor left the room.

"Jerk," Kevin muttered under his breath. "We just can't sit here waiting for one of the Carter's to pull their head out of their ass..." he mumbled as he pulled his cell phone out of his pants pocket. "I'm sure you don't want to stay here anymore Nick."

Brian studied Nick's indifference to the drama that was unfolding in the room. "Nick, do you want to go down and watch tv while Kevin makes some calls?"

Looking at Brian, Nick sighed loudly, "I dunno."

"I think we should give Kevin some privacy," Brian urged as he placed an arm around Nick.

Nick looked over at Kevin and then back at Brian. "I just want to lay down. I'm tired."

Brian glanced at his watch. "Lay down? It's almost time for lunch..."

"Yeah, I'm but I'm tired though," Nick insisted.

This time Brian sighed. "How about you do that after Kevin gets done on the phone?"

Kevin hadn't used his cell yet, he was watching Nick's mannerisms. Dr. Freeman had said that Nick was okay but Kevin was starting to doubt the man's statement. The drug the doctor prescribed - much to Kevin's better judgment - seemed to have Nick acting foggy he thought. 'Maybe he was tired and quiet from all he had gone through over the past few days,' Kevin decided. He pasted a smile on his face. "I'm just gonna call Bob and see if we can take you with us for good, is that alright Nicky?"

Nick shrugged his shoulders. "Sure."

When the voice greeting on the phone started, Kevin Richardson could feel his temper being tested. "Bob, this is Kevin Richardson...you need to call me back regarding Nick A.S.A.P. People have been trying to get a hold of you and Jane for a couple of hours! You have my number, please... just call me back!"

Snapping the cell shut, Kevin shoved it into his pocket. He made his way toward the dark green duffel bag that was on top of a tall dresser. He immediately started to open the drawers, shoving the contents into the open bag.

Brian watched his cousin. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Kevin hissed as he started to take the pictures and books from the shelves.

"No one has called back yet."

"Yeah, so? It's not like Nick will be here anymore."

"Kidnapping is a federal offense.."

"So is murder and I'm getting pretty fucking close to doing that to one of the Carters if they don't call back soon! I'm sure you would like to leave here, right Nick?"

"Probably."

"Can you say something more to us than one word sentences? That has been all you've practically done since that quack of a doctor brought you down here," Kevin wondered out loud.

There's nothing to really talk about," Nick defended.

"We can't take him out until he gets officially discharged," Brian started. "Besides, we don't have any of Nick's medications and instructions."

"Screw the meds," Kevin spat.

"What, so he can have another panic attack?"

"Would you guys please stop fighting about me?" Nick pleaded. "I'm sure I'm okay and I don't think I would have any panic attacks or whatever it is you're talking about."

Brian gestured at Nick. "See...he can't go without getting the okay from his parents and the doctor."

Kevin dismissed Brian's comment. "He can't waste time waiting on his parents. He'll be okay."

A man in light green scrubs appeared in the doorway. "It's time to go down for lunch."

Nick stared at the man, not moving from where he stood.

The man entered the room. "I'll take you down to the dining room."

Nick continued to stare at the man; confused expression on his face.

"He's gonna have lunch with us," Kevin announced with a wave of his hand toward the man, trying to dismiss him from the room.

"Okay, have a good day then," the man replied as he turned to leave the room.

Brian shook his head. "Who else do you plan on alienating today?"

Kevin removed pictures from the shelf on the wall. "Let it go," he growled. Stopping his task, he pulled the cell phone out of his pocket.

Brian sighed. "I'm sure they'll call you, stop bugging them."

"What makes you think I'm calling one of the Carters?," he replied as he dialed. "Yeah, Jay...Nicky got released from the hospital....no, we're waiting for one of his parents to let us take him out of Sun Valley....."

Watching his cousin's actions and hearing AJ's yelling over the receiver, Brian winced hearing the all-too-familiar expletive words uttered by the tattooed rebel; he noticed that the shouting on the other end of the phone even piqued Nick's attention.

"I doubt they would take your call if they aren't even picking up!!" Kevin spat into the phone. "Go ahead and try...." with a shake of his head, Kevin tossed the cell on top of the bed. He continued back to his task of packing Nick's belongings.

Nick smirked. "Having problems, Kev?"

"See....we can just go!" Kevin said as he nodded toward Nick. "He doesn't have to wait for papers!"

Brian walked over to his cousin and put a hand on top of the bag. "You're crazy to think that we can just up and walk out of here, you realize that don't you?"

"Probably, but hell....we can't just sit around here waiting."

As Brian opened his mouth to object, Kevin's cell phone started ringing. He held his hand up to stop the younger man from speaking. Checking the caller ID on the phone he quickly flipped the device open.

"Yeah...you did what?! Bone, please tell me that you didn't threaten them....they called you back?! I honestly don't know what to say.....we'll see you in a few..thanks." Snapping the cell shut, Kevin Richardson was grinning, shaking his head. "I can't believe what he did but it worked."

Brian folded his arms, watching his cousin zip up the duffel bag. "and what did he do?"

Kevin sat on the edge of the bed, looking at Brian and Nick. "AJ said he called Jane and....let's just say he used some colorful words to grab her attention and for some strange reason that worked."

"Kevin Richardson?"

Kevin stood up when a woman in office attire called his name.

"I need you to sign the release paperwork," she said as she pulled out forms from a folder. "Dr. Freeman has left some follow up instructions; Mr. and Mrs. Carter have designated you to be a 'guardian of Nickolas,' temporarialy until a court date can be set up to outline explicitly your control over their son."

"That makes no sense whatsoever," Nick sighed. "Just give me the papers to sign myself out of here and we'll just go."

Kevin looked over at his brother. "Nick, it's not that simple. Just let me take care of the papers. Sit tight."

Brian placed a hand on Nick's shoulder and the blond quickly dipped away from the Kentuckian; his breathing started to speed up.

"Hey, how about we take your stuff down to the car while Kevin finishes up?"

Kevin's glare of disapproval from the interruption quickly softened when he followed his cousin's eyes toward Nick. He knew the posture all-too-well and the last thing Nick needed was to have an episode. He wanted to take him away from SunValley. As quickly as possible.

Kevin tossed the keys to Brian. "That's a good idea, I'll meet y'all in the parking lot."

Without saying anything further, Brian grabbed Nick by the arm. "C'mon Nicky, let's get out of here."

It wasn't until Brian got out by the car noticing how Nick looked back at Sun Valley, did he realize what *Nick* they were left with. He wasn't sure if he could or better yet, how they could handle this! 

If Kevin had his say, Nick would have skipped the all medications that the doctor from Sun Valley had prescribed. Brian knew his cousin all too well and despite the elder Kentuckian's objections he promptly took control over the task of doling out the meds at the proper times and Nick took them without complaints. Brian felt that they all had grown familiar to the fogginess state that the blonde was constantly in until Kevin's return visit proved otherwise.

"I thought you were staying in LA longer," Brian questioned as soon as Kevin crossed the threshold.

"What about 'Hi Kevin, how was your flight?' " the older man snapped.

Brian folded his arms across his chest. "Bad flight then?"  

"It was the worst flight I think I've ever had," Kevin muttered as he made his way into the living room. "Where's Nick?"

"Taking a nap."

Glancing at his watch, the older man shook his head. "It's two-thirty..."

"Five-thirty," Brian corrected.

"Shit," Kevin mumbled as he took the watch from his wrist. "I always forget to change this damn thing when I leave LA....still five-thirty and Nicky is taking a nap?"

Brian only nodded. "I thought you were going to be in LA longer like as in three weeks..."

Kevin ignored his cousin's comment. "Why on God's green Earth would he take a nap at this hour of the day?"

"Probably because he's tired? Don't you take naps when you're tired? I know I do-"

"Don't be a smartass," Kevin reprimanded. "He's not sick is he?"

This time Brian's patience was tested. "He's just taking a fricken nap!"

Dismissing his cousin's attitude, Kevin walked into the kitchen and pulled a beer from the fridge. "Where is the rest of the guys?"

"Howie left two days ago, I thought you knew."

Kevin took a drink from the bottle before he answered. "No, no one tells me anything anymore. Where did he go?"

"Orlando. Howie had things going on with his business."

"AJ?"

"He went to the grocery store with a list....he better stick to the list I gave him too."

Kevin smirked at Brian's comment. "You sound like you're married...I know how Bone gets off track in stores. I would pity the woman that marries him."

"I honestly do not see Jay getting married, he's the type of guy that will just live with a woman. He's always been so anti-law anyways," Brian agreed with a shrug. "So I thought you were going to stay for three more weeks the last time I talked to you."

"Two months away is long enough in my opinion," Kevin replied. "Besides, Kristen had to leave for Europe and she wouldn't drag my sorry ass with her so I figured I come back to Nick's and bug you guys."

Hours after the cousins reminisced, a sleepy-eyed Nick entered the living room.

"Nick!" Kevin said as he quickly stood up and hugged his baby brother. Anticipating the young man to return the hug, Kevin instantly felt concern wash over when Nick didn't hug him back. "You feeling alright?"

Nick rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Yeah....why would you ask me that?"

"Just asking I guess," Kevin replied as he studied his youngest brother. Being away for two months he immediately noticed that Nick's hair was longer, his face unshaven and the fact that he had gained weight disappointed the elder Kentuckian.

"Did you guys eat dinner already?" Nick wondered outloud.

"Crap...we got so caught up talking I haven't thought about dinner, besides AJ was supposed to bring back the groceries and he hasn't come back from the store yet," Brian replied.

"Should one of us call dumbass to see where the hell he is with the groceries or should I just go grab something healthy to eat?" Kevin asked .

"I don't want to eat grass," Nick moaned. "How about McDonald's?"

"I don't think you need to eat anymore McDonald's," Kevin pointedly shot back.

"I want McDonald's," the blonde whined.

"Kevin's right, we can eat something already here, we don't need fast food," Brian answered.

Kevin studied Nick. "How about you go take a shower."

Nick stomped his feet. "I don't want to take a goddamn shower!"

"How about you go and watch tv," Brian directed.

"And I'll call AJ and tell him to stop and bring back something from the drive thru," Kevin lied.

Satisfied with Kevin's response, Nick went into the living room. As soon as the young man left the kitchen, the older man turned to Brian.

"What the hell has been going on!?"

Brian closed the refrigerator door.  "What do you mean?"

"Have you guys been letting Nick pig out on fast food?"

"Just because he asked for Micky D's doesn't necessarily mean he's been eating that all the time you've been away Kevin," Brian defended.

"Hard to believe otherwise," the Kentuckian muttered.

"I think in the whole two and a half months you've been gone we've probably eating fast food maybe three times."

"He doesn't look like it to me."

Brian narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean by that?"

"He's put on some weight Brian."

"He looks the same to me."

"That's because you see him 24/7 and I haven't. He probably hasn't gained that much but enough for me to notice...."

"How can you tell, I don't see any difference in Nick."

"Things I see, just skip it...." Kevin mumbled as he opened the refrigerator door. "Don't you have anything to make salads?"

"I told you AJ was going grocery shopping---"

As if on cue the front door banged loudly as it hit the side of the wall. "Sorry it took so long!" AJ shouted.

"Two hours later," Brian said as he took the bags from the rebel's hands.

"What the hell are you doing back dickhead?"

"Hello to you too," Kevin shot back.

"I thought he was gonna bring back fast food," Nick cried as he pawed through the bags.

"Who said anything about fast food?" AJ grumbled. "I was given a list and I got what was on the list. Blame Brian if you're not happy," he added as he swatted the back of the blonde's head.

Rubbing the back of the offended area, Nick sulked as he pulled the bar stool out to sit down. "Kevin said he was going to call you."

"He didn't answer the phone."

Brian shot his cousin a dark look. "You don't have to lie about it."

"It doesn't matter, I mentioned drive thru just to appease him."

Brian continued. "That's just plain evil."

"It's not too late... we can order pizza or something," AJ offered.

"He doesn't need pizza," Kevin insisted. "Let's just make sandwiches."

Ignoring Kevin's comment AJ hit the speed dial for Pizza Hut. "You can have a sandwich, we're calling for pizza."

Throwing his hands in the air, Kevin immediately decided to busy himself with putting the groceries away to keep himself from saying something that would end up being hurtful or mean toward Nick. "Whole milk....regular cheese?!"

"Some of us don't like the light brands of dairy," Brian replied.

"What about the lactose free milk?"

"It's behind the lemonade dorkhole," AJ rasped.

"Which reminds me," Brian said as he pulled a glass from the cupboard. "Time for your afternoon meds Nick."

At that point, Kevin suddenly realized it wasn't junk food that was causing Nick's weight gain. "How about we stop the meds."

"How about we don't," Brian countered as he opened the door where the medications were stored.

"He doesn't need them," Kevin insisted.

"Fine, then you take them away and me and Jay will go on a three week vacation so you can deal with the panic attacks all by yourself."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Knock it off!" AJ growled. "You sound like two five year olds. Brian do you honestly think we'd leave Kevin all by himself if he took Nicky off the meds?"

"No.....but he really needs to pull his head out of his ass."

Finally Nick spoke up. "Would you guys stop fighting about me?"

Kevin sighed. "Sorry Nick, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.  One more thing I want to say and then I'll talk about something else."

"How about just not talking about me at all," Nick pleaded.

Shrugging his shoulders, Kevin went back to the task of putting the groceries away, watching Brian's actions of pulling out three different vials of prescription meds for Nick.

"You know I read the other day that a side effect from Paxil was weight gain," Kevin mentioned casually, trying not to alert to Nick that he was talking about him.

"That's just something that is on the drug list that it could cause, I honestly think it's people like you that read into things far too much," Brian replied.

"It was on the internet," Kevin defended.

AJ slapped an open hand onto the countertop. "Well then, there you go...it was on the internet so we know that is true!"

"It's true!"

"Just like all the bullshit about us on the internet was true?" AJ pressed.

"Well, 90% of that garbage wasn't true but this is true. He took the pills from Brian and then the bottles of medication and emptied them into the sink, flipping on the garbage disposal."

"HAVE YOU LOST IT??" Brian screamed. "We could at least try and wean him off, not go cold turkey you holistic jerk."

"I'm staying with him; he's going to be fine," Kevin insisted.

"Time will tell," AJ muttered with a shake of his head as he looked at his baby brother.

Kevin Richardson sat in the living room staring at the television screen, cradling a cup of black  coffee in his hands. It had been a little over three days since his decision of taking all of Nick's medications and flushing them down the sink had Kevin regretting his choice. Although he had read about the side effects of Paxil and weight gain, he didn't read into the withdrawals!

The once happy-go-lucky blonde was much more complex since his accident that left him with permanent brain damage. Complicated was one of the best descriptions for Nick nowadays.  Here was a young man that would take medication for occasional migraine headaches that he had been prone to have from the time Kevin knew him growing up to a list of at least seven medications that had been prescribed ever since he was a patient at the adult foster home.

Seven...!

Kevin shook his head at the thought of seven prescription medications. At least two of the seven on the list were for certain anxiety disorders - at least that was what he read online - three listed a side effect of drowsiness. That would explain Nick's constant fatigue.

"He's finally calmed down and sleeping," AJ rasped as he entered the living room.

"Oh," the older man replied softly.

As he leaned back into the leather couch opposite of the Kentuckian, AJ quietly observed his brother's mannerisms; he could tell that the man was troubled.

"I fucked up," Kevin sighed as he set the untouched cup of coffee on the end table. "I admit it, I royally fucked up. It wasn't my call to make taking Nicky off this stuff like I did. I fucked up."

AJ drew a hand over his face in a tired gesture as he listened.

Shaking his head, Kevin continued. "I jumped to conclusions....three days into this and the poor kid is feeling so shitty and it's my fault--"

"Kev, don't beat yourself up," the rebel interrupted.

Kevin put a hand up to silence him, smirking. "No, Jay you're not listening to me. I fucked Nick over. He probably was getting better and as much as I hate to admit it, the meds were helping him get better. I'm sure gaining weight wasn't bothering Nicky, it was bothering me--"

"Stop it!" AJ butted in. "I doubt Nick even notices the weight gain. I'm not sure I even know what Nick remembers anymore. All this shit that has happened is because of me! Not you...me!"

"Don't you dare start up blaming yourself for Nick's accident again! I thought we resolved this months ago. Yes, it was an accident; there was nothing that you or I could have done to stop the alcohol and medication mixture overdose."

AJ's reply was suddenly stopped by a loud thud from the other room. The two men quickly jumped up and sprinted into the room to find Nick crouched in a corner, knees folded up to his chest.  

"What happened," Kevin asked as he knelt beside the blonde.

"I-I c-can't br-e-a-t-h-e," Nick panted.

AJ immediately clicked open his cell phone.

Kevin glared. "Don't!"

"Nick said he can't breathe," AJ rasped.

Kevin waived the rebel away. "Nick you're talking, you can breathe...calm down."

Nick shook his head as he gasped. "I-I c-c..."

"Take slow, deep breaths," the older man instructed.

Nick instantly clamped a hand over his mouth as he quickly stood up. He took two steps before pitching into the wall. Before the young man could right himself he fell to the floor and started gagging.

Vomit - any type of body fluids for that matter - sent AJ McLean's sympathetic gag reflex into overdrive. This left Kevin in the bedroom as Nick emptied the contents of his stomach while AJ wretched in the bathroom.

Kevin knelt beside his brother, gently rubbing his hand on Nick's back to comfort him. Once the vomiting had stopped, Nick sat back.

"Nicky, let's get you cleaned up."

The blonde didn't move.

"C'mon Nick, you threw up on yourself. You need to hop in the shower."

After a few minutes of prodding, Kevin finally was able to encourage Nick to stand up. The young man's steps were wobbly which Kevin had to quickly take a hold of Nick's arm to prevent him from falling. He met a ghost-white AJ in the hall; a light sheen of sweat covered his face.

"Jay, you're gonna have to suck it up and help him take a shower while I clean up the mess in the bedroom."

Swallowing hard as he took Nick's arm, AJ lead his brother toward the bathroom; repeating the familiar task of helping him get ready to take a shower.

It had been two and half weeks into the medication withdrawal and although some of the symptoms had decreased there were others that had cropped up.

"I swear I have to do laundry nonstop around here," AJ grumbled as he heaved a laundry basket onto the kitchen table.

Kevin watched as AJ dumped the clean clothes into a pile. "I guess Nick takes the withdrawal side effects to the limit," he said when the thought of how sweat dripped off the young man's face from doing nothing but walking.

"Yeah, I suppose."

Brian got up to help AJ and Kevin fold clothes. "You really think that having Nick's brother visit is such a great idea Kev?"

"When the hell is that happening?" AJ rasped. "Better yet, when the hell was the last time anyone from his family saw him?"

Took a deep breath as he thought. "God, I hate to say it but it was when Nick was laying in the hospital in a coma....."

The reality of Kevin's comment struck a raw nerve. "What kind of fucking parents does he have? I mean, they willingly wrote off guardianship...correction they faxed off guardianship of their son...." AJ continued on his rant.

Tears welled up in the elder man's eyes as he nodded.

"I could understand when this happened to Nick three years ago that the kids were just kids but why didn't his sisters or his brother visit or call?"

"AJ I wish I knew. It doesn't matter how long ago anyone from his family saw him, Aaron called me and Nick is his brother so it wasn't my place to tell the kid he couldn't come and see him. Besides, I'm desperate to have some type of family bond for Nick."

"Fuck that," AJ seethed. "How do you even know this will help Nick? You played God with him by taking the kid off meds cold turkey and he's already slipping. This little visit from Aaron could literally push him over the edge."

"I'm trying to think positive it won't," Kevin said with a sigh.

"Do you know when Aaron will be here?" Brian asked.

Kevin smirked as he thought. "Don't know. If he's like Nick was, he'll be here three hours past the time I think he'd be showing up."

"It's a good thing that Nick is taking a nap, it will give us some time to talk to Aaron," Brian decided.

AJ's gentle folding of clothes turned into a wadding as the rebel thought about Aaron's visit. Brian took the clothes from the rebel's hands. "Why don't you take a break?"

The doorbell rang and AJ quickly turned. Brian grabbed the man's arm. "Stay put."

"Yeah, do what Brian said," Kevin agreed. "I'll get it...stay."

With a shake of his head, AJ slumped into the chair at the table staring at Brian as he listened to Kevin's voice from the living room. Gritting his teeth, AJ tried his best from jumping up and lunging into Aaron about not taking the time to see how his brother had been all this time.

'Kid's only seventeen,' AJ thought to himself.

"Look who came to visit," Kevin announced as he and Aaron entered the kitchen.

Pasting a smile on his face, AJ stood up to greet the younger Carter. "Hey kid...."

"Hey," Aaron replied.

Brian wrapped the younger version of Nick into a tight hug. "How are you?"

"Good...where's Howie and Nick?"

"Howie's still in Orlando and as for Nick he's taking a nap...would you like a coke?" Kevin offered as he opened the refrigerator door.

Aaron shook his head a puzzled expression crossed his face.  "You said that he's taking a nap?"

Kevin asked young man to sit down. "Yes."

The puzzled expression on Aaron's face immediately turned to fear. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Brian reassured.

"We need to talk before Nick wakes up," Kevin stated as he sat.

Aaron looked at the men. Something didn't feel right! "What's to talk about? Nick's okay, isn't he? I mean Mom has said that he's fine."

AJ felt his blood pressure instantly rise. Brian tossed the rebel a warning look.

Kevin let out a long breath. "Exactly what have you been told about your brother?"

"That you guys are helping him get better at his house instead of staying at that place after he left the hospital. Is there something else that I don't know about?" Aaron asked as he looked at Brian. His eyes followed Brian's gaze and his mouth dropped open as he saw his brother for the first time.

"Were we talking too loud?" AJ asked.

Aaron's shock of seeing that how much Nick's weight ballooned since he had last seen him was immediately replaced with hearing the gut wrenching comment uttered by his brother.

"Who's this?"

The tension was thick in the air as everyone gaped at Nick standing in the doorway. The hopes that they had misunderstood what Nick uttered was quickly dashed when he repeated, “Who’s this?”

Kevin wrapped an arm around Aaron, guiding him towards the older Carter. “Nicky, this is Aaron.”

Nick’s response was a mere shrug of his shoulders and a slight nod.

Aaron’s heart sank at his brothers reaction, his disappointment quickly turned into hope as thoughts of Nick the prankster popped into his head. This has to he a practical joke!

“Ha, Nick good one! You had me going there!”

Knowing what Aaron was thinking, Brian quickly took Nick by the arm. “C’mon Nick lets go walk out and check to see if the mail came.”

“It’s Sunday…”

Kevin and Brian simultaneously shot AJ a dark look.

“Yeah Nick, go with Brian and I’ll see about getting dinner started,” Kevin added.

Tears started pooling in the young boys eyes. “What the hell is going on?”

“I guess Jane didn’t tell you much of anything that has been going on with your brother the past three years,” AJ rasped.

“How about you go out and help Brian get the mail,” Kevin glared.

AJ folded his arms across his chest as he leaned back into the chair. “Nope, I’m sitting tight.”

“Then go and ask Brian to take Nick to the store to get milk or something……please!”

Once AJ left the room, the Kentuckian took a seat at the kitchen table, gesturing to Aaron to sit down. Taking a deep breath, Kevin pinched the bridge of his nose as he gathered his thoughts.

“Okay, Nick was in the adult foster care home and to us, he wasn’t getting better. We saw improvement when we came to visit him and take him places once your folks gave approval for us to take on overnight stays and things. Basically, Nick seemed a twenty-five year old man left with an eight year old mentality. Sun Valley was telling us this would be the best your brother could ever be. He would need twenty four hour care for the rest of his life.”

Aaron’s cell rang, interrupting Kevin. Pulling the device from his pants pocket, the young man glanced to see who was calling and quickly silenced the phone.

“Go on, please.”

“Nick was having what we were calling flash backs and each time what we called ‘the old Nick’ stayed with us for longer periods of time. The last episode caused your brother to have a nervous breakdown which was triggered when he realized he couldn’t read. Something as simple as reading a menu in a restaurant caused him to go into shock. I guess you’d say his worlds collided.”

This time it was AJ entering the kitchen that interrupted Kevin.

“Dickhead didn’t want to go to the grocer, but I convinced him it was in their best interest.” AJ noted Kevin’s puzzled expression. “Dickhead as in your cousin.”

“I knew who you were talking about,” Kevin replied with disgust.

“And then?” Aaron questioned.

“Oh, well then your brother was admitted to the psychiatric wing of the hospital---”

“That guy was a quack!” AJ muttered.

“GO OUT FOR A CIGARETTE OR SOMETHING!” Kevin Richardson shouted.

“Please AJ, stop interrupting Kevin!” Aaron begged. “I want to know what’s wrong with Nick.”

With a scowl on pasted on his face, AJ sunk into a chair.

“The doctor prescribed an assortment of anti anxiety meds, anti depressants and a few others. Basically Nick was on seven new medications along with the other meds he had been taking most of his life. The meds your brother was on caused a number of things, weight gain was one of them.”

“I-I have to admit, I was shocked to see how big Nick had gotten when I saw him,” Aaron agreed.

“In the best interest of your brother, I took him off all the stuff he has been on for the past two years or so but in doing so I think I’ve compromised his progress.”

“Stop blaming yourself Kev,” AJ interjected. “Nicky will come around.”

“What do you mean compromised his progress?” the teenager wondered.

“Nick was starting to act more like his old self except for he was in a medicated fog most of the day or at least when he was awake. Ever since he‘s been coming off the medication I think he‘s starting to slip.”

Aaron shook his head. “Mom said Nick was fine, he was just recovering from being in the hospital. That bitch---”

“Don’t talk about your mother like that,” Kevin interrupted.

“Fucking bitch is anything but a mother!”

“I agree with Aaron, that woman is a---”

Kevin shot a dark look at the tattooed rebel.  “DON”T YOU DARE!” he shouted.

“What?”

“I know what you were thinking about saying and don’t go there!”

“Like you’re a saint when it comes to talking about Jane Carter.”

Kevin turned a shade of crimson. “Just drop it please.”

“Has Jane come to see my brother lately?”

Kevin instantly winced when Aaron addressed his mom by her given name instead of calling her mom.

“No, I think your mother last saw your brother when he was in the hospital the first time before he went into the adult care home,” Kevin recalled.

“Jane is a piece of work,” AJ rasped.

Aaron nodded his head in agreement. “I hate to say it, but Bone’s right.”

Kevin sighed as he tried to shift the focus from Jane’s inadequacies as a parent. “Does that explain why Nick didn’t recognize you when he saw you today?”

“I guess so…..so what we’re looking at is do we put Nick back on the meds or just let him slip away?”

The reality of the seventeen year olds thoughts hit Kevin as if he had been slapped in the face.

“I honestly don’t know what to do….”

“Probably put Nick back on the meds,” AJ replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “Lets face it, Nick didn’t really seem to care what the medication was doing to him; doubtful that he knew what was happening to him as far as weight, sluggishness and all that bullshit. I think keeping him on the meds is the best thing we can do for him, don’t you agree kid?”

“Probably….I guess so. I mean I just saw Nick for three minutes before Brian took him out of the room.”

“Kevin has the authority to do that, Jane did sign off on your brother, didn’t she Kev?” AJ asked.

The eldest band member drew a hand over his face in a defeated gesture. “Something like that…”

Hours after Brian returned from the shopping trip with Nick, Aaron seemed to be in a daze as he watched how his older brother acted more child-like than an adult.

“C’mon kid, let’s go out on the patio,” AJ suggested to the younger Carter. Without hesitation, Aaron pulled himself off the living room sofa and followed.

Watching as the older man lit the smoke, Aaron quickly asked, “Can I bum one from you?”

The question caught AJ by surprise as he started choking on the smoke when he took a quick breath in. “What did you say?”

“Can I bum one from you?” he repeated.

“It’ll wreck your lungs,” AJ replied with a shake of his head.

“Yeah I know, but I really need a cigarette at the moment and besides, I‘ve wrecked my lungs a few years ago.”

“Kev would hand me my ass if he catches you,” AJ rasped.

“He’s not my dad and if he reads you the riot act I’ll stand up for you. Now gimme a goddamn cigarette.”

Without further discussion, he handed the younger version of Nick the wanted cigarette. Just as AJ lit the cigarette for him, the patio door slid open.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

“Smoking, dickhead,” AJ replied as he blew the smoke from his lungs.

Kevin rushed over to Aaron, snatching the cigarette from his fingers.

“HEY!”

“Your mother would hand me my ass if she saw you smoking,” Kevin Richardson admonished.

Aaron looked back at the house and then at the view off the porch with mocking mannerisms. “I don’t see Jane here.”

“IF your mother was here,” Kevin clarified.

“Well she isn’t and I personally don’t give a shit,” Aaron replied as he reached for the confiscated smoke.

Using his height as leverage, Kevin held the cigarette above his head causing the teen to jump up and down several times in vain as he tried to reach.

“Who’s being gay now?” AJ snickered.

Kevin glared pointedly at the tattooed rebel and then rubbed the lit end from the cigarette against the deck railing to extinguish it. “I guess that would be you, AJ. Dinner is going to be ready in a couple of minutes. You two might as well come back into the house.”

Reluctantly, they followed Kevin into the kitchen joining Brian and Nick at the table.

“I voted Nicky down when he begged for fast food,” Brian asserted, noticing the sour expression on AJ’s face as he looked at the food on the table.

“Brian said no McDonald‘s,” Nick said as he shoveled a forkful of mashed potatoes into this mouth.

Kevin shook his head in disgust. “Don’t talk with food in your mouth.”

“Kevin sucks,” AJ muttered.

“You can’t live on fast food…it’s not like we’re on tour,” Brian stated. “I worked pretty hard on making this so eat or starve.”

As he looked at his brother’s plate, Aaron shook his head. “You’re blaming the weight on meds?”

Kevin knew exactly what Aaron was thinking as he noticed the portions that were on Nick’s plate. “The meds played a significant part of the weight gain. I’m sure his eating seems a little out of control but we don’t allow that to get excessive. I had been wishing there were other options, but like we said earlier it might be in his best interest to go back on the medication.”

“Since you threw all the stuff down the garbage disposal, when are you going back to the pharmacy for refills?” AJ asked.

“After dinner,” Kevin replied.

“I think it’s a great decision. The withdrawal has been hell on the poor guy not to mention the amounts of laundry that we‘ve been doing. Nick seemed to be sweating buckets when we walked around in the supermarket,” Brian pointed out.

AJ slammed his fork down in disgust. “You had to go bring up the subject of body fluids…you know damn well how that topic doesn’t sit well with me. I’m gonna go to the pharmacy and get the refills.” Without saying anything further, he pushed himself away from the table grabbing the car keys, leaving the room.

*******

Kevin dragged his hands through his hair in a defeated gesture. Noticing his cousin’s actions, Brian arched his eyebrow in question.

“Whatcha thinking about?”

The older man sighed loudly. “Jane Carter….”

“You haven’t even talked to her yet; you’re already giving up?”

Kevin shook his head. “Not giving up just thinking about the inevitable fight that is going to happen.”

“Since when have you ever backed down from something you believe in? Don’t build yourself up for a letdown,” Brian coached. “You love a challenge! Besides, I‘m sure Aaron can talk to his mom to get the message through.”

“Yeah that would be a delightful conversation,” Kevin snorted. “We need her to relinquish her power of attorney and the parental rights but I doubt Jane would give in so easily since she has her hands on Nick’s estate.”

“Do you think that she would honestly think that we’re only out for Nick’s money?”

“Doubt he has much left anyway,” Kevin sighed. “Face it, Nick’s medical costs has gone in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. That’s why we need her to sign off so that we can do what‘s right for him before it‘s too late. I have a plan but I just have to decide how to approach Jane.”

Aaron’s sudden appearance in the kitchen interrupted their conversation. “Nick fell asleep playing a video game. I can’t believe he’d get so bored that he’d fall asleep playing a stinking video game!”

Kevin chuckled at the teen’s comment. “His attention span does some pretty dramatic changes.”

“So, what are you guys talking about?” Aaron asked as he pulled a soda from the fridge.

Kevin and Brian exchanged guilty looks. “Nothing really important,” the older man replied.

“C’mon I can tell you’re talking about my brother.”

“Yes and no,” Brian said.

Aaron frowned. “Yes and no? I take it no means you‘re also talking about mom?”

“Yeah,” Kevin replied.

“He’s trying to muster the courage to call your mother,” Brian explained.

“I don’t have to muster anything,” Kevin glared.

“I can help you Kevin…..I’d have that witch her over a barrel,” Aaron smirked.

“Don’t call your mother that!” Brian admonished.

“Witch is a nicer term of endearment,” Aaron defended with a smirk. “Do you want to use my phone,” he offered as he pulled the device out his pants pocket. “Pretty sure Jane will answer my number if you’ve been having trouble getting through to her.”

“Aaron does have a point there,” Brian agreed.  “How about he starts the conversation off and then gives the phone to you?”

“And exactly what would he say? ‘Hi mom, Kevin Richardson wants to talk to you?’ We would need to script this if we plan on having Aaron start the phone call off on the right foot,” Kevin thought outloud.

“I have an even better idea,” the young blonde announced. “I could have Nick talk to her first…..”

“Bad idea!” Kevin and Brian announced simultaneously.

“Nick didn’t remember you, do you think he’s going to remember his own mother?” Kevin cried.

Tears immediately sprung into Aaron’s eyes as the reality of the situation connected in his brain. “I guess you’re right. Tell me what you want you guys want me to do and write down what I need to say and then I’ll call my mom.”

Leaning back into the chair, Kevin folded his arms across his chest. “This definitely isn’t going to be an easy call to try to make….”

“Looks easy enough to me,” Aaron announced after reading the outline Kevin had handed him.

The dark haired Kentuckian stared at the seventeen year old. “Things always look easy on paper….dialing the number is going to be the only easiest thing in this whole goddamned mess.”

“You being negative will only hurt this; besides Mom isn’t as tough to get through to as you think she is,” Aaron assured with a slight smile. “Trust me; I have experience, besides she can never say no to me!”

Feeling a knot forming in the middle of his gut, Kevin sighed loudly. He realized that placing this call to Jane had to be done; knowing the woman’s reactions in previous situations had been far from favorable only fueled his anxiety. Jane Carter loved money definitely more than she loved her children; her track record proved that! Kevin Richardson sighed again as he leaned forward.

“We know we can sit around the table and listen to you sigh all day long,” Aaron said as he flipped the cell phone open. “Or I can just get this over and make the call.”

Reaching over Kevin closed his hand over the top of the teen‘s, quickly stopping Aaron in mid-dial. “No…”

“Kev, I know you want to put off doing this but you know it’s not going to get any easier,” Brian said quietly. “This is so unlike you,” he added with a whisper. “I’ve known you all my life and you’ve never put any task off because of the consequences. You’ve always told me the hardest things are worth fighting for.”

Aaron nodded in agreement. “Your cousin’s right. Let me call her.”

“Hold on a sec,” Kevin asked as he pushed away from the kitchen table. No words were spoken as they watched the older man open a cupboard door producing a bottle of whiskey. “Sad to say but I actually needed a quick drink before I even speak to that woman.”

Brian shook his head in disapproval. “This is what brought us to this mess in the first place--”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Kevin interrupted as he poured the whiskey into a small glass.

“It started with Nicky drinking that stuff.”

“Completely different from what I’m doing here,” the older man grunted, quickly downing the amber colored contents of the glass. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he nodded toward Aaron. “Go ahead….I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be..”

This time it was Aaron that sighed after he dialed the number to Jane Carter’s cell. “You’d think the bitch would answer her fucking phone!”

“Don’t cuss,” Kevin admonished.

“She answers every other goddamn time,” Aaron sputtered as he tossed the device onto the wooden table.

Watching the cell spin in a circular motion Brian scratched his neck in thought. “There could be a good reason why she didn’t pick up the call,” he suggested.

“You’re right, she probably was getting her nails done or something and they were too wet and she didn‘t want to smear the polish digging the phone out of her suitcase of a purse,” Aaron replied sarcastically.

Kevin looked sadly at the young man. Although he could sense the anger he also sensed Aaron’s frustrations with Jane. “I should never have put you up to this, this wasn’t fair.”

Waving a hand at him to dismiss Kevin’s thoughts, Aaron smirked. “No worries, this is something that needs to be done and I’m backing you guys one hundred percent. She has told me nothing but lies from the very beginning about how Nick has been. I plan on calling until she does answer.”

********

“Four hundred and twenty-two fucken dollars later,” AJ grumbled as he placed the pharmacy bags on the counter, “I guess I never paid attention to how much our insurance sucked.” The rebel looked at the three sour faces drawn on the people sitting at the table. “Okay what the fuck happened while I was gone?”

“Jane’s coming over,” Brian answered.

“You’re shitting me, right?”

No words were spoken as the threesome shook their heads in reply.

“When?”

Kevin glanced at his watch. “Pretty soon.”

AJ shook his head in disbelief as he started to pace. “Why the hell is she suddenly interested in coming over here?” Stopping, he quickly pointed an accusatory finger at Aaron. “You invited her to come over here, didn’t you?”

“No--”

“Aaron didn’t say anything to his mother,” Kevin interrupted. “I called Jane to talk to her about giving up power of attorney rights over Nick and I guess she decided to talk to me in person and wouldn’t take my suggestion of meeting in a public place. I honestly tried to get her to agree with meeting at a restaurant but she hung up the phone while I was talking.”

“You gave up that easily? You didn’t try to call her back?”

“Once ma makes her mind up that’s it AJ.”

“Oh for christssakes….where’s Nick at? I’m gonna take him over to my house.”

“Jay, she specifically wants to see Nick,” Kevin stated quietly.

“She doesn’t need to see him!”

“AJ, like it or not Nick’s her son and it’s her right to see him,” Brian asserted.

“Besides, once she sees Nick and how he is, maybe she’ll change her thinking,” Kevin added.

Aaron folded his arms across his chest. “Doubtful.”

“See! Nick jr agrees with me,” AJ said with a shake of his head as he looked at Aaron.

Too busy arguing about the outcome of Jane Carter’s visit, no one heard the front door open.

“Hi Aaron.”

“Mom? When the hell did you come in?”

“Aaron!” Jane admonished.

Shrugging off the reprimand Aaron stared at his mother.

Kevin smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes. “Hello Jane.”

The older woman looked up. “Hi.”

“We weren’t expecting you so soon,” Brian stated nervously.

“I could tell when I walked into the kitchen,” Jane huffed and then looked around the large kitchen. “Where’s my Nicky?”

“Taking a nap,” Aaron replied. “He fell asleep playing a video game.”

“Must be you were beating him,” AJ teased.

“Why the fuck did you tell me that Nick was fine?” Aaron demanded.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that!”

Aaron stood up, ignoring his mother’s reprimand. “I asked you a question!”

“Calm down,” Brian pleaded as he stood between Aaron and Jane.

Aaron pushed Brian away. “What the fuck exactly is going on? Why did you say that my brother was okay?”

“Because he is okay,” Jane hissed.

The teenager threw his hands up into the air. ”Really?? If Nick is alright why did you have to take control of his money?”

“At the time Nick wasn’t able---“ Jane tearfully replied as she wrung her hands.

“You are so fucked up…”

“That’s enough!” Kevin warned. As much as he disliked Jane Carter, he could not take the badgering that Aaron dishing out.

Ignoring the warning, Aaron threw his chest out in defiance. “This is between us!”  

“Not here; not now,” Brian pled. “Would you like to sit down?” he asked as he placed a hand lightly on the woman’s shoulder.

Wiping the tears from her cheeks Jane nodded as she accepted the offer. “You said Nick’s sleeping? I would like to check in on him.”

This time AJ’s temper started to flare. “Leave him alone….you’ve done a good job of that up to this point.”

“Both of you go out and cool down on the deck,” Kevin directed with his finger toward AJ and Aaron.

“Putting us on time out?” Aaron snorted as he arched an eyebrow.

“Something like that,” Kevin replied. “Both of you are shooting off at the mouth and you’ll say something I’ll regret.”

“You’ll regret?” AJ questioned.

“Yes, I’ll regret because one of you will get punched and because of age and the law you know who will be on the receiving end. Now get outta here…now!"

Kevin didn’t speak until after he heard the sliding glass close with a soft thud. Drawing a hand through his thick hair, he searched for the words he needed to get the discussion started with Jane before any interruptions started.

“I guess we should take advantage of the peace and quiet,” Kevin started, quickly noticing his cousin’s bewildered expression. “Is there something wrong?”

Brian shrugged his shoulders. “Who would like a glass of sweet tea?” he asked, desperate to draw the attention away from himself.

“No thanks,” Jane replied, her expression soured as she added, "I honestly don’t know how anyone could drink that stuff.”

“Soda then?”

Jane shook her head.

“Water?”

“Brian!” Kevin hissed a warning; quickly feeling uncomfortable when he realized he lost control of temper.  “She said she doesn’t want anything!”

“I see both of you still like to bicker.”

“We don’t bicker,” Kevin defended.

“Really? I couldn’t tell.”

Rubbing a hand across his face, Kevin sighed into his palm as he tried to push thoughts of choking Jane right where she sat. “We need to talk about what you came over here for.”

“So when can I see Nick?”

“That’s not what I was talking about!”

“That’s why I came over here.”

Walking toward the other side of the kitchen, Kevin balled his hands into fists. ’This woman doesn’t get it!’ he mentally seethed.

“Kevin called you because of your son’s ongoing care and how you still have Power of Attorney,” Brian stated when he noted his cousin’s temper starting to be tested.

“Nothing like getting to the point,” Jane huffed. “I don’t see why me having Power of Attorney rights should bother either one of you.”

“You just aren’t getting it,” Kevin snapped. “Do you have any clue as to how your son is; wait you probably don’t because you seem to be living in your own little dream world when it comes to your children!”

Jane pushed herself away from where she sat. “I don’t have to listen to any of this! I’m going to see Nick.”

Kevin quickly cornered the woman and roughly pushed her back into the seat. “SIT DOWN!”

“How dare you!” Jane growled as tears pooled in her eyes.

“AJ came back from the pharmacy today and the copays on Nick’s medications was over four hundred dollars,” Kevin stated.

“That’s AJ’s problem then, isn’t it?”

This time it was Brian that turned on Jane Carter. “Good lord! Can’t you tell that Nick has to be on a lot of medications to bring the bill up to over four hundred and some dollars?”

“There is no way that a medication would have to have a four hundred dollar copay,” Jane replied.

”Medications Jane,” Kevin clarified.

As Jane opened her mouth to respond, Nick entered the kitchen. Instead of greeting her oldest son with a smile, the woman’s mouth dropped open when she took in his appearance. “Nicky?”

Ignoring his mother Nick looked over towards Brian. “Where’s AJ?”

“I sent them out to the deck,” Kevin replied.

Satisfied, Nick turned and started to walk away.

“Nick, don’t you think you should say hello?” Brian admonished.

Turning back toward the kitchen Nick nodded. “Hello,” he mechanically replied toward Jane.

“That’s not the way you greet your own mother,” the older woman remarked with a shaky voice. A puzzled expression etched on her face.

“Go out and see what AJ and Aaron are doing,” Kevin directed.

“No, I want my Nicky to answer me!” Jane demanded.

Looking down towards Jane, Nick scratched the side of his head; a confused expression washed over his face.

“Do you really want to go there right now?” Kevin asked the woman. “Nick go out and see what the guys are up to.”

Nick obediently turned on his heels and quickly left the room.

“What have you done to my son!?”

“What are you talking about?”

“He’s gotten fat,” Jane spat.

“You haven’t seen your son in over a year and that is all you can say is that Nick has gained some weight?” Brian said in defense of his best friend.

“Some weight? He’s gotten fat!” Jane corrected. “What have you done to him? Do you just let him sit around and eat all day long?”

Kevin Richardson got into the older woman’s face. “Didn’t you notice that Nick had no clue as to who you were? Nick isn’t who he was anymore and all you care about is his weight gain?”

“Don’t you care that your son’s life has changed forever?” Brian added.

“He just looks so uncomfortable,” Jane sniffed in defense.

“Don’t you even care that Nick’s life has changed forever?” Brian repeated.

“Carrying that much weight around I’m sure it has,” Jane replied.

“Fucking drop it about the weight Jane,” Kevin hissed. “He weighs two hundred and fifty-five pounds as of last Monday if this will shut you the hell up about the weight!”

“Oh my god,” she gasped.

“I agree his weight has changed some since the last time you saw him but let’s be reasonable here, medication has played a significant role in Nick’s weight gain since you last saw him in the hospital when all of this started,” Brian remarked.

“Some? He weighed a little over two hundred pounds at the hospital if I remember, he has a lot of work taking that off before you go back out and tour,” Jane stated.

Kevin punched the wall angrily.

“Why on earth did you do that for? Nicky is not going to be very happy when he sees what you’ve done to that wall.”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Nick has no concept that this is his house why would he even care about this goddamn wall?” Kevin snapped as he shook his hand.

AJ and Aaron rushed into the room.

“What’s going on?” AJ rasped.

“Didn’t I tell you two to go out on the deck?”

Aaron immediately noticed Kevin shaking his hand. “Dude, are you alright?”

“I’m fine. Go back outside.”

“Whoa, you better get that checked out!” AJ chipped in as Nick joined the others in the kitchen.

“Go back outside! NOW!” Kevin repeated.

“Kev, I think you broke your hand,” Brian calmly stated. “We should go to the emergency room.”

Kevin winced when the pain in his hand finally connected with his brain. “I’m fine,” he repeated.

“I’m not too sure about that,” Jane disagreed. “You’re as white as a sheet.”

“Sit down Kevin,” Brian pled as he took note of his cousin’s pallor, “before you fall down.”

Instead of heeding his cousin’s request, Kevin Richardson stubbornly stood his ground. It wasn’t until the all-too-familiar tunnel vision and Brian appearing to be miles from him instead of a few feet away did Kevin realize his mistake of being appropriately called 'bull headed' as he started to fall against Nick’s body as his legs failed to support himself.

Kevin fidgeted on the cot as he waited impatiently for his discharge papers from the emergency room.

“Would you please settle down?” Brian urged.

“This is really stupid that you made me come here in the first place!”

“You broke your hand; you had to come in to be seen! Don’t be stupid.”

Kevin rolled his eyes at his cousin in reply.

“Remember when Nick broke his hand? You didn’t find out about it until the following afternoon when he walked into sound check.”

Kevin smiled at the memory. “Yeah the little shit lied and said he tripped over the drum set or something crazy like that.”

“Are you in pain? Do you want me to get a nurse?” Brian asked when he saw tears pooling in Kevin’s eyes.

“No, I just keep thinking about how Nicky used to be.”

“You remember that he punched the wall, exactly like what you did to mess his hand up,” Brian pointed out. “His temper got the best of him.”

“I punched the wall for a better reason than what Nick did.”

“How do you figure? We only know that Nicky punched the wall in the hotel room when you went into his room to grab his wallet and you saw the huge hole. He never did say what exactly happened.”

“I punched the wall to stop myself from hitting his psycho of a mother. I cannot believe after what her son has gone through that woman is still talking about going back on tour. She just doesn’t get it. Where is that goddamn nurse! I can’t sit around any longer!”

”Kevin,” Brian quietly admonished. “She’ll get to you eventually. I’m sure she’s got other patients besides you.”

“Too bad,” the older man grumbled when he hopped off the cart. Reluctantly, Brian silently followed his cousin out of the emergency room.

“You know she’s probably going to get in trouble for what you did back there,” Brian said once they got into the car and he placed the key in the ignition.

“I couldn’t sit waiting around anymore. I have to deal with Jane Carter and God only knows what she’s done while I’ve been gone.”

**

Jane Carter tearfully watched her youngest son as he paced the living room floor.

“You fucked me over for years and I finally had enough of both of you! You and dad were pathetic enough as it was. Didn’t you realize that you had a problem when I filed papers to be on my own? What kind of kid would do that? Dad got the balls to divorce your sorry ass because it finally dawned on him what an evil manipulating bitch you are!!”

Aaron stopped pacing for a moment to stare down at his mother.

“Truth sucks, don’t it Jane!?”

The older woman covered her ears. ”STOP IT!” don’t you dare call me Jane! I’m your mother!”

“I call you Jane because you’re not my mother. A mother is someone that protects their children and does everything they can to see them succeed in life. You’ve pretty much did everything but that! It’s always been about the money! When Nicky started Backstreet you made sure you had a hand on his money from the start. For some reason you always thought you were entitled to it!”

“I was the one that drove him to all the auditions, talent shows and the appointments with prospects for talent agencies! I was the one that saw the talent and if it weren’t for me he’d probably work at a gas station pumping gas!”

“Nick probably would have been one hell of lot happier doing that instead of working for you and Lou Pearlman -- that was some talent agent you found there!”

Jane ignored Aaron’s comment as she continued with her defense. “Driving Nick to places cost me money and I wasn’t going to sit and watch a fourteen year old have free reign with hundreds of thousands of dollars! That would be asinine! As far as I can see, I was entitled to it! It was not just me that Nick took care of. Think about it, he provided a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food in your stomach!”

“Something that a parent should provide not a fourteen year old kid!” Aaron retorted. “Once Nick got the balls to write you people off, you latched onto my assets and me! Game’s over Jane. Sign the goddamn papers over to Kevin or Brian or the dude next door because I don’t give a shit who you sign them back over to but just sign them and get out of our lives once and for all!” 

Jane stared in disbelief as she listened to Aaron rant.

“Did you even pull your head out of your ass when Nick walked into the kitchen earlier?” Aaron continued.

“Huh?”

“I didn’t think so,” he added with a sarcastic laugh.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“When Nick came into the kitchen and you said hello to him, he did not know who you were. He’s one of the lucky ones in this house that doesn’t know you,” his voice husky with sarcasm. This time it was Aaron that was tearing up. “Nick doesn’t know any of us!”

“You have to admit, we’ve been away for some time,” Jane pointed out.

“You’re a fucking piece of shit,” the teenager grumbled as he sat down on the couch shaking his head.

As if the scene was rehearsed, AJ entered the living room; flopping his body onto the couch. “How’s things going?”

“What do you think?” Aaron muttered.

“Can’t get through to her?” he asked as he gestured over to Jane.

“Oh I see now, you’re both after my Nicky’s money! It’s not about his well-being you’re all concerned over; you people are starved for cash since you haven’t been on tour since he got sick.”

“Look lady, we don’t need any of Nick’s money! All of us are doing just fine, we have great accountants that handle our cash,” AJ rasped. “I don’t know about Aaron, but I’m pretty much set for life and as far as I knew so was Nick before any of this mess happened. Now that you’ve had your claws on his money he probably has very little left over for anything.”

“Why is everyone attacking me?!”

“We’re not attacking you; we just are trying to get you to understand why we’re asking you to sign off on the power of attorney papers, you holding onto that right does absolutely nothing for your son! What have you done in the last year that involved the power of attorney rights over Nick?”

Jane Carter only stared at the two men sitting in the room.

“Can’t think of a goddamn thing, can you Ma?” Aaron growled.

“What I do as power of attorney is none of your business.”

“Just give me one thing that you’ve done for Nick in the past year and I’ll stop asking you anymore questions,” AJ pressed.

“Nothing comes to mind at the moment.”

“Nothing comes to mind at the moment,” AJ echoed, slowly annunciating each syllable. 

”AH HAH! you are spending Nick’s money on your selfish ass self!”

Jane quickly stood up. “I am not putting up with anymore of this bullshit!”

Aaron jumped in front of his mother, grabbing her arms. “You’re not going anywhere Jane! We’re not done with you!!”

“Don’t threaten me!” she hissed.

“And what are you gonna do about it?”

“Aaron, don’t,” AJ asked as he gently placed his hand on the teen’s shoulder.

Aaron dipped his shoulder from the older man’s hand. “NO! I’m sick of all this shit; it needs to be stopped! This has gone on for years and I can’t take anymore of her fucking shit!”

“Calm down Aaron; take a deep breath. You’re not speaking rationally,” AJ urged quietly.

“Yeah, you should listen to him,” Jane added getting a quick glare from AJ.

“Don’t put your two cents worth in!”

“Don’t talk to my mother like that!” Aaron growled.

AJ jumped back in response as if being struck. “I seriously don’t understand you Carters. I thought you were against her,” he muttered with a shake of his head.

“I am against her; you just don’t say shit like to someone’s mom! What would you do if I said shit to your mom?”

“Completely different scenario kid, my mom wouldn’t take my money without asking!” AJ spat back, standing with his face literally inches from Aaron’s face.

“Nicky….” Jane breathed as she caught sight of her oldest son wandering into the living room.

“Why is everyone yelling?”  he mumbled.

“We’re not yelling, we’re having loud discussions,” AJ explained.

“We’re fighting,” Aaron corrected, “because mom is being a bitch.”

Nick looked at Aaron and then towards Jane; face void of recognition. “Why are you calling her a bad word?”

“Because Aaron isn’t thinking,” AJ pointed out.

“Because your brother is being bullheaded,” Jane added. “Both of you weren’t raised to speak to adults like that.”

“You’re AJ’s mom too?” Nick asked innocently.

“No silly, I mean both of you as in you and Aaron,” Jane responded, ignoring AJ’s scowl.

“Huh?”

“C’mon Nicky you know what I mean,” Jane smiled, “you always love to play practical jokes.”

“Drop it Jane,” AJ warned, instantly fearful of Nick having a panic attack.

“Remember that time when you—“

“Shut the fuck up!” Aaron interrupted. “Can’t you see what you’re doing?!”

“Just stop talking and look at him,” AJ added softly.

Jane connected with AJ’s eyes and followed them over toward Nick. She finally realized what both of them were trying to convey. Nick was face was drained of color; unshed tears pooled in his eyes.

“Kevin and Brian aren’t here and I doubt I can handle this right now. Let’s just not talk,” AJ pleaded. “We could watch some TV until its time for Nick to go to bed.”

“You tell a twenty-five year old man when it’s time to go to bed?”

“When it’s time to go to bed… brush his teeth…. what to wear…. for crying out loud Jane why don’t you understand that his life is never going to be the same anymore?” AJ asked as tears were slipping down his cheeks.

“He needs constant supervision, twenty-four seven,” Aaron added somberly.

As all this was unfolding, Nick stood quietly his index finger in his mouth. Normally AJ would correct the blonde’s actions but with Nick not back on his medications; he knew that Nick was ‘slipping’ and this was known as one of his familiar comfort methods.

Jane happened to glance over at her son and caught his actions. “Why on earth are you sucking on your finger?? Oh my God, you did that when you were six….…” she whispered when it finally hit her. Confronted with reality, Jane rushed out of the room.

Aaron was starting to go after his mother but was quickly stopped by AJ’s voice.

“Let her go, she needs some time to sort this out.”

******

“Anything new happen while we were gone?” Brian asked as he and Kevin entered the living room.

“So did you break your hand?” AJ snickered as he caught sight of the bulky bandage on the eldest man’s right hand.

“Not funny but yeah it’s broke and I have to wait twenty-four hours or something like that to get a cast on it,” Kevin replied.

“You’d know the exact time frame if you had waited for your discharge instructions,” Brian added.

“You left before they told you to go? What happened to anal Kevin Richardson?” Aaron asked with a mocked stunned expression.

“They were taking too long and I had more important things to worry about,” Kevin defended. “Where’s your mother?”

“Lying down, she probably has a migraine,” Aaron said as he rolled his eyes after uttering the word migraine.

Kevin frowned as he looked at Nick lying on the couch sleeping, curled up on his side. “Is he alright?”

A sour expression washed over AJ’s face. “For now.”

Catching the tattooed rebel’s expression instantly set alarms off. “What the hell happened?”

“I think Nick’s situation finally connected with ma,” Aaron explained and added with his eyes rolling, “hence the migraine.”

“I thought I told you guys not to talk until we came back home,” Brian said.

“No, you said ‘I’m taking Kevin to the hospital,’ not don’t talk until we get back,” AJ clarified.

“Whatever, I think you’d at least wait until we got back,” Kevin sighed. “We wouldn’t have gone to the hospital---

“You fainted from the pain,” Brian interjected.  “I had to take you!”

Ignoring Brian, Kevin continued. “Will she be signing off her P.O.A. rights?”

AJ shook his head. “We haven’t gotten that far. The woman was still fighting it. I now see where Nicky gets his stubborn streak.”

“I’ll sign the papers,” Jane announced as she suddenly entered the living room.

Kevin, Brian, Aaron and AJ turned toward her.

“Repeat what you just said,” Aaron said.

“I’ll sign the papers,” she repeated. “I realize now that I can’t do what my Nicky needs. Give me the papers and I’ll sign off and go home.”

“Just like that? You’re going to just up and leave Nick??” Aaron angrily asked.

“We’ll have to have this notarized,” Kevin interrupted. “We’ll have to call the attorney.”

“Or just go to Kinko’s,” AJ added.

Kevin shook his head as he voiced his disagreement. “That’s a public place.”

“And that matters because?”

“Don’t be a smartass,” Kevin reprimanded.

“I’m fine with a bank or a store; I’ll sign what you want me to sign.”

“Let me just call the attorney,” Kevin firmly repeated his intentions as he pulled his cell phone out of his pants pocket.

And so, four hours later it was finished. Jane Carter signed off her parental rights to her oldest son.

The last thing Jane did before she left the house was kiss Nick lightly on the forehead as he slept. She tearfully whispered her good byes to him and then turned and wrapped Aaron into a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry, so very sorry.”

Aaron only lightly returned his mother’s hug -- as he felt obligated to do so -- however he did not feel obligated to accept her apology.

Wordlessly, Jane turned to leave.

“I’ll let you know if there’s any change,” Kevin said as he walked with her to the door.

“Thank you. I guess I never realized what a good friend you are to Nick,” she replied quietly as she rested a hand on the doorknob.

As much as he had more disrespect than respect for the woman, Kevin opened his arms as he felt he should offer her hug. “Nick was good kid; he’s still a good kid just not the same person we knew.”

“I know,” she whispered as she pulled herself out of the hug. Awkwardly, she fumbled with the doorknob and quickly opened the door walking briskly toward the taxi waiting in the driveway.

“Not a fun day in court today?” Howie asked when the three men came back to the house.

Kevin tossed the Latino a dubious look.

“When would standing in front of a judge be fun?” AJ rasped as he grabbed a bottle of soda from the fridge.

“I know…I know, I was just trying to lighten the mood,” Howie defended.

“Where’s Nick?” Brian said.

“Playing video games in his room with Aaron. So was there any progress in court?”

Taking a bottle of beer from the refrigerator, Kevin uncapped the beverage and took a generous drink before he answered. “Something like that. The judge gave us the green light to sell the Marathon house and terminate the leases in LA and some of the other places Nick had, so yeah I guess this is progress. The big one is putting the Tampa house up for sale.”

“I still don’t understand why this would be so difficult to do,” Howie wondered out loud.

“Psycho of a judge thinks that Nick will get better I guess,” AJ spat.

“But you went in with the documentation, right?” Howie said.

“Yes we did but for some reason the judge feels that when Nick does come around he’d need his home. We all tried to argue with the guy but he wouldn’t listen because we didn’t have an attorney standing with us,” Kevin replied.  “It was a dumb mistake on our part.”

“Freeing up the leases and selling the Marathon property should leave Nicky with better finances though,” Howie stated. “I can have my stock broker take care of the assets so that Nick’s money will work for Nick. I can also have my real estate agent work out on having this house leased until we get the green light for sale.”

“That could work,” AJ agreed. His face quickly soured. “I suppose this leaves us with the bigger question.”

Brian stared at the rebel. “There’s a bigger question?”

“Where is Nick going to live?”

Kevin shook his head and sighed. “I thought we already discussed this!”

Brian sighed. “It was a time share with Nick --- I know time share is a bad choice of words --- that’s the only way this will work. Each one of us will have Nick with them at their house for three months….do you get it?”

“You make it sound like he’s community property,” AJ grumbled.

“In a sense he is,” Kevin replied with sadness.

“No --- not property --- responsibility,” Brian corrected his cousin.

“Unless you don’t feel comfortable with this,” Kevin quickly added.

“I feel comfortable with this I suppose; the biggest question is how Nick would feel about all of this?” AJ asked.

“We could ask him,” Howie offered.

Finishing his beer Kevin reached into the refrigerator grabbing a fresh bottle.

Brian quickly tossed a dark look toward his cousin. “Is getting hammered going to give you a clearer perspective on the topic at hand?”

“It’s none of your goddamn business that I’m having a second beer!”

“How about we ask Nicky what he wants to do?” Howie asked, anxious to diffuse the impending argument between the cousins.

AJ shook his head. “We have to tell him to take a shower and brush his teeth,” he said sadly. “How the hell is he going to decide what he wants to do? To him, life is nothing more than video games and cartoons.”

“Maybe, but when parents get divorced they talk to their child about who they want to live with,” Howie defended.

“And upsetting the child in the long run,” AJ argued. “I remember a kid in school….Eric Wright…..his parents split up and the kid torched a building because his parents fucked with his head asking who he wanted to be with….”

“I doubt Nick would set a building on fire,” the Latino said with a shake of his head.

“Still, I am not putting the kid in that type of situation of choosing,” Kevin spat. “We’ll make the decisions for him. He has no idea what is going on and like AJ said, to Nick life is nothing more than video games and cartoons.”

“The only thing we have to decide is which months we take Nick,” Brian agreed.

“What about his brother?”

“Oh for the love of god Howie!” AJ hissed in despair. “His brother is welcome to visit Nick wherever he is staying.”

Kevin nodded in agreement. “Also, Aaron is only seventeen which is not a desirable living environment for Nick.”

“Nick will move in with me first,” AJ quickly said.

Kevin stared at the rebel. “Only if we gave you instructions would I feel comfortable with that.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I could see you getting fast food for breakfast, lunch and dinner….”

“Yeah and your point would be?”

“You’d skip his meds and everything would go to hell,” Kevin continued.

“He would take his meds as prescribed, dickhead.”

“Nick’s body is more complex now. His sodium levels would sky rocket with fast food,” Kevin reminded.

“Do you honestly think I eat out all the goddamn time? I do know how to make delicious meals.”

“I’m just saying when I come to pick up Nick after living three months with you; I do not want to see him in worse shape mentally and weighing over three hundred pounds.”

“I really doubt either one of those things would happen, I am more responsible than what you give me credit for,” AJ argued.

Pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried calming his nerves, the Kentuckian sighed. “I know; it’s just that he’s come this far now and I hate to have things fucked up for Nick.”

“We could sit down and write out a schedule for Nicky and everyone gets a copy and we just follow this,” Howie suggested.

“I like that idea. That way everyone knows the mediation schedule and nothing will be compromised. When Nick has a doctor appointment, we are all kept in the loop so to speak. I would make the time to be there even if it wasn’t my turn to be with Nick,” Brian said.

“Do you think he’d forget anyone of us when he’s away for three months at a time?” Kevin questioned.

The rest of the group sat in silence as they digested the question. It was something that none of them could answer.

With a loud sigh, Kevin added, “This is why we need to keep Nick on a strict schedule. Keep everything routine for him.”

“Yeah, touch base with him and talk to him on the phone. He won’t forget any of us. If we keep pushing the issue, he can and he will get better,” AJ rasped.

“AJ---“

The rebel quickly interrupted Kevin. “I know…I know. I just want him to be all better again.” 

Brian wrapped his arms around his band brother as he cried with him.

***

“Did you pack everything that Nick wants to take?” Kevin asked the rebel.

AJ scowled. “Do you take me for a moron?”

“Don’t fight,” Nick grimaced as he wandered into the living room.

“Sorry kiddo, we’re not fighting…Kevin’s being a asshole.”

“You said a bad word,” Nick replied wagging a finger at AJ.

“Skip it,” Brian replied.

“I hope you clean your language up for three months,” Howie advised.

“Like you’re innocent,” AJ spat.

“I don’t cuss around my nieces and nephews,” Howie defended.

“You planning on taking Nicky to mass every day when you have him?” AJ challenged.

The Latino folded his arms over his chest. “Maybe I will.”

“As if you go….”

“Please don’t fight,” Nick begged as he covered his ears.

Kevin instantly could tell that Nick was starting to go towards a panic attack. He looked over at AJ to see if he would address the situation, he was quickly rewarded at how the rebel took charge.

“Nicky, we’re not fighting just having loud adult conversations, that’s all. Are you ready to go to my house?”

The blonde immediately smiled, forgetting the tension that erupted a few minutes ago. “Yeah!”

“Do you have the inst---“

“Kev, I have everything that you gave me,” AJ interrupted. “I know how to dial the phone if I have any questions. Relax everything will be alright!”

Brian put a hand on his cousin’s arm. “Everything will be okay. AJ’s a pretty capable person. It’s not as if he’d be taking care of a baby.”

“And I’ll drop over to AJ’s from time to time,” Aaron chipped in.

“Which makes me feel soooo much better about this,” Kevin muttered under his breath.

Brian opened his arms up to hug his best friend. “I’ll call you every day.”

***

Nick’s new chapter of his life began. Although everyone hoped that he would return to them the same person that he was before the accident he never did. At best, he was left with a mental capacity of an eight year old.

Kevin Richardson to this day still blames himself for losing the Nick that had been returning when he elected to take him off the medications that been helping. The small glimpse of Nick returning until he had the panic attack when confronted with the inability to read never did come back.

AJ McLean never forgave himself for leaving Nick alone after he discovered him drunk in the hotel room. The whole scenerio of what could have been if he had stayed constantly tortured the rebel. He stubbornly shrugged off the suggestions by the rest of the group to have counseling; he told them that he was able to deal with this in his own way.

Brian Littrell cherishes the three months he has each year with his best friend. He has helped Nick relearn simple tasks such as tying shoes and writing his name. Although he still misses the old Nick Carter he is happy that he still has Nick around.

Howie Dorough buried himself into Nick’s finances and real estate since that seemed to be his forte after Backstreet Boys were no longer. He shared his three month responsibilities willingly and enjoyed them as much as the rest of his former band mates. One of the favorite things he has done with Nick was sing together in his basement on the karaoke machine. At first the blonde had been reluctant to sing but after a few times, Nick did mini concerts for the rest of the guys when they came over to visit.

Aside from Aaron, sadly, the rest of Nick’s family did not get involved in his life, it was as if they were embarrassed at what their sibling and or son had become. That suited everyone else fine. The pieces that they had to pick up after anyone from the Carter family had left from one of their short visits with Nick took days if not weeks to fix.

After four years, the judge had given clearance to sell the Tampa house but the guys all decided against the idea; it worked better for Nick to gain the lease monies to help with his medical care. Which suited them fine because to Nick, Tampa didn’t exist. Just Florida, Georgia and California. His former life was no longer there. He lived in the moment as AJ said, 'just video games and cartoons.' This was all that existed.

Nick was gone --- never to come back --- all because of the mistake of mixing drugs and alcohol.

AJ beat on the door as if his life depended on it. “C’mon open the goddamned door!”

After a few tense moments of standing in the hotel hall, he finally heard the sounds of the chain sliding out of the holder and then door cracked open.

AJ pushed the door open and quickly slammed it shut.

“You’re lucky I even decided to let you in!” Nick grumbled as he sat down on the bed.

“Why?”

”Why?” Nick echoed AJ’s question. “Because you were such a dickhead at the show tonight that I was happy to get away from your sorry ass,” he paused as he reached for a cigarette and lighting it; inhaling deeply. “Because of you, I get my ass chewed once again by Kevin. He always blames me for the shit you do!”

Once his sentence had been uttered, blue smoke drifted into the air. “You came in here like the hotel was on fire, so what’s your problem?”

“Can I bum one from you?”

Nick tossed the pack and the lighter towards AJ; an impatient look pasted on his face. “Could you make your story about why you came down here brief? I have plans in a half an hour.”

Lighting up his smoke, AJ’s eyes widened. “That is exactly why I came down here!” The scowl on Nick’s face told the rebel that he should get to the point quickly. AJ sighed as he continued. “It’s kind of stupid, I had a weird dream and it sort of freaked me out.”

Nick smirked. “Was it sexual?”

AJ shook his head. “I wish. You were in it --- and I didn’t say I wish because you were in it,” he quickly clarified when he saw the look on Nick’s face. “Everyone was in it and it was really freaky -- scary. A sexual dream with groupies would have been far better than having a nightmare with you in it.”

“I’m beginning to see that this is going to take longer than a few minutes,” Nick said as he made his way over to the fridge. “You want a drink?” he asked as he pulled a can of coke out.

”That’s what the dream was about!” AJ shouted.

“It was about Coca-Cola?”

”NO!” AJ continued as he jumped from his chair grabbing the bottle of whiskey off the top of the dresser.

“Have you gone psycho?! Give it back!” Nick screamed as he grabbed the bottle from AJ’s hand.

“How much of this have you drunk tonight?” AJ demanded as he looked at the half-full bottle.

“I’m an adult, remember?”

“I’m serious Nick, how much have you drank?”

“Tonight?”

“Yes, tonight.”

“Probably two glasses of JD and coke, if it’s any of your business. Now can I please have the bottle back?”

“Nicky, the dream I had started out with you drinking that shit and it didn’t end very well. It was my fault what had happened to you.”

Looking at his friends face, Nick could tell that what AJ dreamt about clearly had him upset. “Whatever happened was just a dream,” Nick tried to brush off AJ’s worries.

AJ shook his head. “I know it was a dream ---- but it could happen --- and I feel that someone was telling me --- I don’t know maybe God was telling me ---- that I needed to stop you before something did happen.”

“You’re rambling Bone. It was just a dream, period.”

“No, please listen to me!” AJ said in a determined voice, following Nick’s motions as the blonde glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. “Please Nick; just listen to me, okay?”

Lying back against the headboard, Nick crossed his arms over his chest. “Okay.”

“Okay. You were in a pissed off mood after a show – just as tonight, but you weren’t mad at me, you were just in one of your moods I guess. Anyway, I came in and you were drinking Jack Daniels – just like tonight.”

“I drink that every night…. shocker,” Nick replied sarcastically.

AJ ignored the comment. “I took the bottle and poured it down the drain because you were already drunk and you were still drinking.”

“I would have been pissed,” Nick interrupted.

“Yeah, you were pissed at me,” he agreed. “And after I poured the whiskey out, I told you to go to bed and sleep it off and then I left.”

“Wouldn’t have had it any other way because I would have thrown your ass out!”

AJ shook his head. “But you didn’t go to bed; you went downstairs and kept drinking until the hotel bar closed.”

“Not a bad idea.”

“Listen to me Nick. You went down stairs and got plastered. Juan went down with you and you got royally shitfaced.”

“See now, this proves that this is just a weird dream Bone. I wouldn’t go anywhere with Juan. He’s Brian’s detail, not mine.”

“Juan saw you in the hall alone and he noticed the condition you were in so he tagged along for security.”

“Well then see it was Juan’s fault then, not yours.”

AJ shook his head, eyebrows drawn. “Nick, the bar closed and Juan brought you back up here and let you in your room.”

“And I went to sleep, end of story end of dream.”

“Would you fucking stop and listen to me?! You didn’t wake up!”

Nick’s eyes widened. “I died in your dream?”

“Worse than that.”

“What could be worse than dying?”

“Nick, you mixed meds with liquor and you slipped into a coma. You almost died but you didn’t. Nicky because you mixed meds with whiskey, you ended up different.”

“Huh? Different how?”

“The coma damaged your brain. You were never the same person; you ended up acting as if you were six years old. You never came back to us after that. They had to put you on a whole bunch of medications. It changed you. You were like a zombie.”

“That couldn’t possibly happen.”

“It could. That is why I’m not leaving you alone tonight! Nicky, I’m too scared that I could lose you.”

“I promise it won’t happen, ever.”

“It won’t because I will be sticking by you from now on. I am going to be your second skin.”

Nick shook his head as he looked at AJ. “This really has you shook up.”

“You have no idea.”

“We might as well order a pizza then if you’re hanging out with me tonight, cause I’m starving.”

AJ smiled. “That’s my Nicky.”