...For all this time, just waiting for our impending doom. Now, though...it was no longer pending. No longer nestled within ourselves along with the fear we forever dared not to show.

No.

Now it was right in front of us. Waiting for us. I could hear the clock tick in my head, minutes, seconds. Hours no longer. For it all was upon us now, and we walked on like brave warriors. Inside we might have been dying. Inside we might have been scared four year olds who'd lost their Mom at the supermarket, standing between isle seven and eight with snot and tears sliding down our faces. However, outside? Outside we looked like bad mother fuckers, crazed and vengeful.

A true warrior does not lead their men to victory. They lead them home.

Words from beyond the grave, sunken down into the depths of my soul like a long carried sin. He was here now. They all were. Standing, waiting, watching. Would we fail? We already had to ourselves. We'd lost everything for this moment. But would we fail them? All those blank faces with scared eyes, watching their TV sets or listening to the radio as the final minutes of their lives played out in some surreal slow motion.

To them, we were warriors. Soul, passion, rebels, courage, bravery. We were fast, strong, agile. We were their last hope. We were our last hope. Tomorrow was no longer a given. Today was all we had left.

We shared quick glances, fevered steps, hot memories that inched from our hearts like hot maple off a tree. Drop by drop, step by step. We'd come all this way, lost our families, our sanity's, our tears. Lost everything and only gained each other and the hope of the entire world.

Shit.

We never wanted to be heroes.

Michelle and Kesha always knew there was something special about them. Something destined for them, written with the stars in years they may have once lived but have no recollection of. Somewhere so much grander, something so much bigger than they ever thought could be imagined for them. A life away from their playground at the trailer park when they were innocent and six. Away from Devils Jump when they were bold 13 year olds. Far away from the strip car games or keg stands when they were naive and sixteen.

Good-bye at eighteen was nothing more than a teary see-ya-soon. Different coasts, different goals, different dreams? Sure ... but somewhere deep within their hearts, that place reserved for childhood dreams and thoughts, a voice was calling out and telling them that it wouldn't be all too long now. Something was about to reach around their solid wall of reality and breathe onto the nape of their necks. Every goosebump and every chill would send that wall crashing down like it never existed in the first place.

Not too long now, indeed.


Michelle was the hottest thing to rise up in the industry. Nominated for a Grammy two weeks ago and booked full for a year with all the hottest artists on the charts. Not too shabby for a male dominated arena where woman are just expected to bring in the coffee.

Not that it hadn't been grinding, strenuous, and sweat out in blood and tears. Four years in the top production school in Florida, two years interning for assholes, one major screw up that cost her her career, and one major sexual screw up that got it back. That being the first and the last time she ever did it. After that, she climbed her way to the top with a hitched up skirt and fake fingernails.

So here she was at 24, and having accomplished everything she really set out for. Life was good, love was easy, and she had finally moved out of the trailer park. Deep inside though, there was always this feeling...like she hadn't even begun yet. It really couldn't be traced or pinned to one certain element. All she knew was that the feeling was familiar. Like a certain scent that once smelt, takes you back somewhere. Your heart remembers it but your mind just can't seem to. All you know is that feeling that creeps up your bones and spills warmth down through your whole body. Yeah ... kinda like that.

Michelle had always kept in contact with Kesha, who was off pursuing that small town dream of settling down and having kids. All Kesha ever really wanted out of life was to be a mother and a wife. It wasn't a dream Michelle understood, but it was one she accepted.

It was two days before the Fourth of July when it all happened. Michelle had woken late, rushing around her apartment to make it to the studio on time. Muttered curse words, tubes of lip gloss, and horns blaring all the way to the studio with hopes of no cops being out to catch the 30 miles above speed limit car flying down the highway. In other words, a day like every other.

Not that the Backstreet Boys weren't adjusted to her 15 minute lateness by now. She'd been working with them for the past month, hours upon hours of listening to them screw up. Nick would always look down at his nonexistent watch and bark that if she hadn't been 15 or 20 minutes late, he would have been able to get it 15 or 20 minutes ago. Luckily, business had blossomed into growing friendships, so she still had her job.

She had been rubbing at her temples, her head screaming for another cigarette. It had only been a half an hour when her and AJ walked out the doors and puffed curbside, watching the sun set above the building. For years she would remember that sunset. It was one of those ones you would swear that God had come down and breathed into the sky grace, faith, hope, love, and everything wonderful in this world, just so we could catch a glimpse of the beauty heavens floor must contain. That's what she thought then, trying to breathe back in the tranquility of that moment before she threw her shoe at Nick for storming out of the room and demanding a change of lyrics. He sauntered back in, muttering something about coffee as he plopped down on the couch.

That's when the phone rang.
That's when the world stopped.
That's when it happened.

As Michelle sat shocked, her mouth shaped in an O and her eyes opened so wide they were dinner plates, she was told mournfully from Keshas sister that Kesha had been in an accident, bad enough to kill her. She had said it was quick and

("...but she didn't suffer, Michelle. It...," Strangled sob. "Oh God! God, why her?" )

Michelle slowly slid her cell phone closed, her heart calm, her head screaming. Why wasn't she breaking? Why wasn't she collapsing to the floor and screaming, rocking, crying? It was nothing she understood, but the sheer coolness of her heart in contrast the hot pain of her head was enough to make her insane. The two met in the playground of her soul, battling it out like two warriors with nothing to lose.

The boys sat staring, wondering, worriedly. Their voices were hardly there.

("Is it bad?" "It's bad isn't it?" "Oh my God!" "Are you okay?" "How long?" "...never made it." "What now?" "You're crying." "It's gonna be all right.")

Like ambulance sirens a few blocks down....aware, but numbly. Hardly. Shock had taken over her for a few still moments, and she never could remember if she breathed during them. Suddenly, every nerve ending in her body came alive, pushing and urging her to do something. She stood, her feet ready to take her running, screaming down the halls.

A voice then.

It came through gruff -- nobility, pride and strength carried through with each letter of every word. It whispered to her from the depths of her mind. Told her

(Be calm. Sit back down. Remember.)

Flooding back, something came. Not memories, nor images or thoughts, words even. Actions. Just simple actions. A reach and grasp of hands, the six connected, a closing of twelve eyes only to be reopened moments later.

The world spun out of control. Shrinking, then expanding as if the world was nothing but elastic. A rubberband. It blurred, oozing from one object to another. Twisting, forming. Coloring different colors, shades, things. Shaping each object, corner, until the room itself was reformed into one entirely different.

A feeling rushed into Michelle's heart. It was the whole mind/heart thing again, though this time with sight and not smell. It was vaguely familiar, like a memory laid dormant, collecting dust in some part of her she never knew.

What in the fuck just happened?

Yells broke out from all around her. The boys. Yelling, screaming, breaking hands and jumping up. Screaming out sentences that seemed like little rigged pieces of words, sentences, conversations. Only a few broke through that actually made any sense

(Where are we? What the hell? What was that shit? Are we...am I dreaming?....)

Then more noise broke out, somewhere to her right. Her head jerked, body tensed. The shock took physical appearance.

Oh yes. Oh...this definitely had to be a fucking dream.

Kesha was leaning against the door frame, arms crossed, staring at them.

"So, you guys too, eh?"