The Greatest Pain In Life



The greatest pain in life is not to die, but to be ignored.
To lose the person you love so much to another who doesn't care at all.
To have someone you care so about so much throw a party... and not tell you about it.
When your favourite person on earth neglects to invite you to his/her wedding.
To have people think that you don't care.
The greatest pain in life is not to die, but to be forgotten.
To be left in the dust after another's great achievement.
To never get a call from a friend, just saying 'hi'.
When you show someone your innermost thoughts and they laugh in your face.
For friends to always be too busy to console you when you need someone to lift your spirits.
When it seems like the only person who cares about you, is you.
Life is full of pain, but does it ever get better?
Will people ever care about each other, and make time for those who are in need?
Each of us has a part to play in this great show we call life.
Each of us has a duty to mankind to tell our friends we love them.
If you do not care about your friends you will not be punished.
You will simply be ignored... forgotten... as you have done to others.
Please show someone you care for them today. It takes so little of your
time to smile, give a hug, a word of encouragement or just to say 'I care' you will be rewarded for sure...

Chapter two.


Where were they this time? He was getting tired of being moved about and no one telling him where they were going. He had his rights ya know, to know at least a little bit about where they were! Why did they always treat him like he wasn’t there? As if he was some kind of shadow in the corner. Sometimes they could at least let him join in conversations and stuff or even acknowledge that he was there!

“I wish people would do one or the other…” he spoke out loud to himself as he gazed out onto the city in front of him, glowing with little lights from windows. It was a cold, breezy night but he stayed out on the balcony away from the rest of them. They wouldn’t even notice if he was there or not so he didn’t see why he couldn’t be out there, thinking. “…either at least speak to me or do the other, leave me the hell alone. I wonder if they even know what it’s like? Hmm? To be ignored constantly and to treated like a baby! To feel like they’ve been forgotten all the time? I wonder if they know what it feels like?! It’s worse than dieing…” he whispered sharply and loudly to himself as the breeze tickled his hair. He sighed and carried on looking out over the dark city. The beautiful twinkling of lights and silent noise of the wind somehow hypnotized him

“Man…I hope they eventually know how it feels to be like me.” He said before he pushed himself up from he leaning position and pulled his forearms away from the balcony rails and turned to walk inside, but not before taking one last look at the peaceful city. He didn’t know where it was or what it was called but he did know one thing, it was beautiful. He walked inside and slid the French windows shut and put the small catch on so they wouldn’t fly open during the night. He sighed and walked into the middle of the small room that you would see as a living room and looked around.

“I need food!” he said pretty loud and decided to go down into the lobby and find someone who had ice cream! If No one had any he figured he could settle for a bag of sweets or something similar. He found his keycard and opened the door and walked out, closing behind himself and making sure it ‘clicked’. He slid his keycard into his baggy jeans; the pocket was big enough to sit in! He laughed at the thought of sitting in his pocket like a toy. He stopped laughing and realized that that’s what people saw him as…a toy. Something they could laugh at, look at and not talk to. As he walked along, he played with the hem of his white t-shirt and sighed. His stomach growled, protesting at him for taking so long in finding something to eat!

“Ok ok! I’m going…” he said to himself as he pressed the ‘down’ button to the elevator and waited patiently for it to arrive. It took a few seconds and the familiar sound of the bell going ‘ding’ made him smile before the doors opened. He stepped inside and pressed the G button for the ground floor, he was on the sixth floor after all. No one else in the lift so he leaned against the bar that ran all around the entire lift, even on the back of the doors. A few seconds passed before the bell sounded and he stood up, waiting for the doors to open and let me finish his quest in finding food to shut his stomach up. The doors opened and walked out and looked around.

It was a big lobby, red carpets and gold coloured posts or bars that were so clean you could see your face in them. There were a few people walking around or just sitting down. In front of him, slightly to the left was the main door with the doorman on the other side, ready to open the doors and let more people in. to his right was the reception desk with two male clerks sitting there, waiting to help someone. To his left were some seats for people to sit on and a huge painting right in the middle of the wall above the seats. Just around the corner to by the reception desk is a small corridor, which leads to the hotel restaurant and other rooms. All open spaced and you can see all of it from the main doors. Nick smiled at the people walking around doing nothing, he had something to do though, find food!

“…Now? Where to find food?” he thought out load and decided to go for the reception desk, he didn’t want anything big so he didn’t need the restaurant. As he walked over to the desk his stomach growled again and he covered it with his hands, trying to shut it up. Only made it worse! As he reached the desk, the clerk on the right looked up and smiled.

“Good day young sir, how may I help you?” Nick smiled and realized that this man was the first person ever to speak directly at him. Asking him a question and waiting for an answer. Much more than the guys ever did, they would either answer for him or just ignore him. That was why he kept himself to himself because he thought everyone was like that, not wanting to pay attention to the ‘little-blond-boy’.

“Um yes…yes you can actually. I was getting quite hungry up in my room and I thought,’ instead of getting room service, I’ll take walk down’ so here I am.” Nick smiled as the clerk stood up and walked around the desk to stand in front of him, not much taller as Nick was only 14 but still a little tall for his age. The clerk smiled.

“Right young sir, what would you like to eat? You look like you need food and someone to talk to if you don’t me saying so. May I ask your name? And your age young sir?” Nick was so shocked that he nearly fell over in disbelief. Someone was asking him his name and his age! And the nice man could see that Nick needed someone to talk to as well…but Nick didn’t want to talk to him, he didn’t know him that well but he wanted to talk, so bad! So he decided on talking to the clerk but only about the weather and the city.

“Um…well, I would like some sweets or ice cream. I wouldn’t mind talking to you actually; I get kinda bored having to stay in all the time. My name is Nick and I’m only…14.” The man smiled again and walked Nick towards the restaurant area and Nick kept his head down, his feet were interesting!

“Well, Nick…I think I can find you some sweets. Didn’t you come with that group? JIVE or something?” true, Nick had come here with the guys and JIVE, trying to get them to sing in bigger places, to get them known. The guys and the production team had gone out, even AJ! But he was 16 though and they left Nick here on his own! They didn’t even tell him they were going or anything, they just up and left while he was sat there…they walked out and Nick was left standing there, even his new best friend Brian had just walked out. Kevin, tying to be the ‘father’ figure in the group hadn’t even acknowledged that Nick was still here.

“Yeah…I did. They went out a few hours ago, around about 4 o’clock…now it’s 9 o’clock.” The clerk’s smile faded as Nick’s eyes began to water, he had been forgotten. Poor kid.

“Well, I’ll get you some sweets and…if you want to pick a film on pay per view, I’ll personally pay for it because you look like you need some cheering up young Nick.” Nick smiled slightly and sat down on an empty seat and spoke just before the clerk went to find him some sweets.

“Erm…sir? I’d rather just have the sweets, no offence but I wanna go to sleep when I go back up to my room. Nice of to offer to pay for a film but I’d rather not, I don’t think any of the films are actually in my age range, either older or younger. That ok?” Nick asked unsure of what the response would be but that’s what he wanted. The clerk smiled again and nodded.

“Of course young Nick, that’s fine by me. I’ll go and get your sweets and if you want anything else just do a room service call but ask for me. My name’s Tristen.” Nick smiled and nodded also before Tristen walked away to find some sweets. Nick looked around the restaurant at the people who were sat in there, dotted about like little speckles of paint. Nick felt as though he was being watched and looked around for a culprit but found none. Tristen came back after a few seconds and handed and bag of sweets to Nick.

“There you go Nick…have a nice sleep now won’t you? I bid you good night young Nick because I have a call to attend to right now…good night.” And with that he walked off and Nick called after him, “Good night Tristen!” before standing up and walking back up to his room, a long and lonely walk. Nick sighed and thought of what the guys would do in the morning, probably ignore him again!

Chapter Three.




Nick got to his room after a lonely 15-minute walk. He had deliberately walked slowly…hoping someone would see him and talk to him again. No one did. Nick sighed and pulled his keycard out of his pocket and slid it through the lock at the side of the door, waiting for the light to go green. It went red so he tried again…red.

“Goddammit! Go green please!!” he begged the lock and tried it again and it went red for the third time. He was gradually getting annoyed at it and he tried it again…red. Nick threw the card on the floor and punched the door really hard, hearing a ‘crack’ he sunk down on to the floor with his back against the door. He looked at his knuckles and rubbed them softly as they gradually went purple. He clenched his fingers into a fist and it didn’t hurt so his knuckles weren’t broken. Must have been the door that cracked.

“Ow…what a night.” He whispered to himself and quietly began to cry. He wanted to go to sleep and get this day over and done with already. He didn’t like it anymore, it was too lonely. After a few more minutes, Nick slowly climbed to his feet and picked up his keycard and tried it once more. He slid it through the lock and waited again…red. He screamed.

“WHY?!?!?!?! I DON’T LIKE IT ANYMORE!!!! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME SO…lonely?” he said the last part quietly, finally realizing that he was…alone. Tears began to slowly trickle down the pale face of his and he leant forward against the wall, gazing endlessly at the white wash.

“I just want to go to sleep. No more loneliness. No more ignorance of others…just me and my dreams. Why can’t I have that?” he asked the wall…hoping it would answer but it didn’t. He felt weak from breathing hard and crying. The walls were going very very white…almost like a light in his eyes.

“Can’t you give me my dreams? My freedom?” he asked again, almost panting this time as he slowly slid to the floor. Nick looked around and saw two people walking up the corridor, but to him…they were walking very slowly. He blinked slowly and he fell forward onto the floor and everything went blank.

Everything echoed, even though he made no noise. He looked around and saw…nothing. Everything was white. He heard a voice calling his name…it didn’t sound very close. Who was calling him? In fact, who wanted to call him?

“Nick…Nick can you hear me? Nick?” Nick could see red carpet…right in front of his face. He could just make his hand as he lifted his head off the floor slightly. He looked around and saw a pair of shoes…he recognized those shoes. He couldn’t get his thoughts straight. It was blurry. His head hurt like it had been run over by a truck. He felt sick.

“Nick? Nicky? You ok dude? Can you get up?” The voice asked and Nick moaned in pain. He slowly pushed himself up off the floor but he didn’t get far before he fell face first into the carpet again. He began to cry again. What happened? Why wasn’t he able to stand up? Why was everything blurry?

“Hmmmm! Wha…uh?” he was whining as he felt a pair of hands lift him up from under his arms. Nick didn’t have the strength to struggle against whoever it was. Nick was a dead weight. The voice lifted him up and sat him against the wall and looked at him. It lifted his chin up and got his drifting eyes to look at him.

“Nick…dude. You ok? You passed out. Can you remember when you did?” Nick looked the voice in the eyes and realized who it was. Brian. Nick felt a jolt of relief run through his chest as the blue eyes looked at him for a reply.

“Uh…about…hmmmm…9 o’clock-ish. My head hurts…” he moaned and rolled his head. Brian gave him a very concerned look and placed his hands on his shoulders and looked at him once more. Nick cried harder and lifted his hand to his eyes and fell forwards again, landing on Brian this time.

“Nick, you’ve been out for 3 hours man. It’s midnight now...imma get you in our room and get you to bed. You need rest. I just wanna know why you conked out man.” Brian saw Nick shake and began to feel sorry for him.

“Nick…you know who I am?” Nick just whined and tried to sit up again and this time he managed to lean against the wall behind him. He tried to think but he cried again and his face scrunched up in sadness and pain, he covered his face with his hands.

“You’re…I don’t know!! Why can’t I think properly?” he cried and Brian sat next to him and cuddled him, rocking back and forth as Nick cried his heart out. Just then, Kevin came out of the elevator and saw the to young boys sat on the floor. He walked over to them and crouched down.

“What’s going on?” he asked once he noticed Nick crying.

“I found him unconscious the floor. He’s been out for 3 hours Kev. He doesn’t know who I am or what happened. He keeps crying and whining.” Brian explained and Kevin stood up and gave Nick and sympathetic look.

“Aww poor kid. Can you get him? I’ll open the door and help you get him in you’re room.” Brian nodded and Kevin picked up the keycard by Nick’s right hand and slid it through the lock…green. It clicked and Kevin pushed it open, placed the keycard on the small table and came back out to find Brian holding Nick in his arms. Kevin helped Brian carry Nick to his bed and place him down.

“Ok then…I’ll go to bed now, if you need me Bri, you know where I am. Make sure he’s ok will ya? Night!” he said before he tuned to leave.

“Night Kev.” Brian said and watched as his cousin walked out and shut the door. Brian looked back at the now sleeping Nick and sighed.

“Nicky…” he said and began to take off his shoes, pants and shirt, leaving him in his boxers. Brian covered him with his blanket and pushed some strands of golden hair away from the closed blue eyes. He smiled and went to his own bed, undressed and turned out the light before going to sleep himself.

Nick was free…his dreams were his own little world. He felt welcome. More than in the real world. Only thing was, he thought none of them cared…someone did.

Chapter Four.




Nick woke to the sound of heavy breathing and snoring. He whined and realised he was in a bed. He sat bolt upright and started to panic. He looked around and saw a big built body in the bed next to his. He saw dirty blond curls all messed up and smiled. Brian. Nick was a little confused to say the least. How did he get in here? Why was he only in his boxers?

“Huh?” he asked himself and rubbed his eyes. He couldn’t remember much except feeling sick and that he couldn’t think straight. He remembered Brian and then pain struck him hard therefore he lost his vision and realization went away. He was confused. He knew for a fact that he had hit his head pretty hard coz he had a souvenir…a headache.

“Must…get…Advil!” he spoke out and got up off the bed. Nick felt bad, not only bad as in ill but bad as in guilty. He hadn’t thanked Brian, if it was Brian, for looking after him. He would do when he woke up. Just that. Nick thought no one cared enough to actually do what he had done, got him to his room and stuff. Well, what you do if you had found him out cold on the floor?

Right now, Nick wanted Advil. He slowly slumped to the kitchen thingy and rummaged around in the little bag Kevin had made up for them, supplies of band aids, plasters, painkillers and other medicines just in case. Nick finally found his Advil and took out a little white pill and placed it on the worktop. He then rummaged around in the cupboards for a glass, once he had got one he placed that next to the little pill. He opened the fridge and got out some Orange Juice and poured himself a good amount into his glass and then placed it back in the shelf and shut the fridge door. He picked up the pill and placed it on the back of tongue and drank his OJ.

“Ahhh…” Nick left half the OJ in the glass so he could drink it as he walked around. He heard Brian roll in his sleep and he smiled. He decided to go see what Brian looked like when he was sleeping because he always woke up after Brian did. As Nick rounded the corner of the door he stopped dead in his tracks.

“Wow…” The sight he saw was breath taking. Brian asleep. Lying on his back, hair ruffled up, mouth slightly open, bed sheets twisted around his legs and only in boxers. Nick was so mesmerized that he forgot the glass in his hand and dropped it, smashing all over the floor. Brian moaned and rolled over, now almost falling off the bed.

“Oh…dammit!” he cursed and was about to pick up the glass bits as Kevin’s voice rang through his head. ‘Don’t ever pick up broken glass. You’re 14 Nick, I don’t want you getting hurt. Cover it up with something and get someone older to clean it for you.’ Nick left the glass and went to get a towel out of the bathroom; he came back and covered it up. He made sure no more glass needed covering up and just as he was about to look up…‘THUD’. Brian fell off his bed and hit the floor face first. His head shot up like lightening and Nick went and sat on his own bed, laughing. Brian whined.

“Ow! Stupid floor, wasn’t supposed to introduce itself to my face *that* hard! Hell-o? Nick-y?” he dragged his accent out as he called. Nick watched as Brian slammed his hand on his bed and try to pull himself up, half asleep. He dragged his left foot and it landed with a small bang and then the other foot followed. Brian eventually got up, groaning something about how he wanted a bigger bed.

“Behind ya.” Nick said and Brian spun around so fast he almost introduced his ass to the floor this time. Nick began to laugh again but kept his gaze to the floor. He didn’t want Brian to see his face for some reason.

“There you are!” Brian said and went to his bag, got some clean clothes and went to the bathroom. Nick stayed on his bed. Brian washed up, brushed his teeth, changed and brushed his hair. Nick got up and went to walk out of the room but turned to look at Brian again. He didn’t know that Brian could see him in the mirror; he smiled.

Nick walked towards the door but jumped in shock as he trod in the towel on the floor. Brian saw him jump and went to see what was wrong. Nick looked at him shyly and blushed.

“Nick…?” he asked and raised an eyebrow.

“I dropped my glass of OJ earlier and remembered that I wasn’t to clean it up, just in case I hurt myself. So I waited for you get up but…well…I kinda forgot about when I was looking at something. Sorry.” He explained and Brian smiled, bent down and gathered all the glass up into the towel and walked into the kitchen and dropped it in the bin.

“S’ok Nicky. All done now. You might wanna go get a shower man, we gotta go out today, can’t remember where though.” Brian said as he scratched the back of his neck. Nick just stood in the bedroom doorway with a funny look on his face.

“Brian…what happened last night?” he asked and folded his arms across his chest, waiting for some sort of explanation.

“Well, you must have pass out Nick, I found you at midnight and woke you up. You were moaning and whining about how you couldn’t think straight and that your head hurt. I asked you what time you passed out and you said about 9pm so you were out cold for 3 hours dude. And I then asked if could remember who I was and you said…no. Kevin helped me get you in here and I undressed you and put you to bed…” Brian walked round to where Nick was and hugged him. Nick went ridged at the touch. Brian pulled away and smiled.

“Go get your shower now man. Don’t go being a girl either…taking hours!” Brian laughed and Nick smiled and went to find some clothes in his bag and walked to the bathroom. Brian watched him walk away; his skin was so pale and silky looking, soft. He may only be thin but Nick was cute. He was a tall 14 year old but he was sure that he would grow up to be a tanned god. Brian eyed him and thought ‘Stop it!!!!!’ as Nick vanished into the bathroom.

“Hmm.” Brian thought and looked at the door and then at the wall and back at the door. He sighed and went to open the drapes in the living area, as he pulled them across, the sunlight poured through and brightened the room up. He opened the catch on the doors and walked out onto the balcony and looked out of the city. The light breeze blew his hair and h lost himself deep in thought.

Nick let the water wash away his sleep and refresh him for the day ahead. He found the liquid soap and washed his chest and legs. He did it all over his thin body before rinsing off and finding the shampoo. He poured a small amount of his hand before lathering it in his hair. He washed it out and turned off the water before drying off. He pulled on his clean underwear and clothes, brushed his teeth and hair. His hair was still damp so he ragged it around in the towel before re-brushing it. It was so soft, like feathers. He smiled and walked out of the bathroom and dropped the towel on his bed. Looking around, he saw that Brian had opened the French windows; the nets were flying around like someone was pushing them about. Nick walked around to the balcony and saw Brian in a similar position to what he was like the night before, deep in thought.

“Bri…?” he called softly and Brian turned his head to look at Nick. He grinned and stood up.

“Yo. Ready now?” he asked softly and Nick nodded, looking out on the city below. It wasn’t as beautiful as it was in the dark. Not as peaceful.

“Ok. Let me get the keycard and put my jacket and shoes on and we’re gone buddy.” Brian said as he walked back inside with Nick not far behind. Nick smiled and took his gaze from the floor upwards, accidentally looking right as Brian’s ass. ‘Oh my god! No Nick no!’ he warned himself and walked back to his bed, got his sneakers and his light blue jacket and walked back to see Brian putting his sneakers on. Brian was wearing a white wife beater, light blue t-shirt, baggy dark blue jeans and a yellow cap and was putting white sneakers on. He tied his laces, pulled the hem of his pant legs over the sneakers and looked u at Nick who was stood like a post, staring at him.

“Dude…put your shoes on. Quick!” Nick put his sneakers on; he had practically the same as what Brian was wearing except Nick had the number 88 on the back of his t-shirt. It looked like a light blue football shirt, probably was, he didn’t know. He didn’t care what he wore because no cared what he looked like really. He tied up the laces, put his green cap on backwards and did as Brian had done with the hem of the legs. He pulled on his bright green and blue jacket and walked to the door. Brian ran around like a nutter trying to find his jacket.

“Where did I put my jacket?!” he moaned as he looked around for it. Nick smiled…it was in the floor next to his bag where he left it the other day. Couldn’t miss it, it was bright blue and yellow after all.

“It’s by your bag on the floor Bri…where you left it.” Nick simply said and Brian smiled and shot to their room and returned with a victory smile spread on his face. He put it on, grabbed the keycard and other necessaries before Nick opened the door, walked out. Brian looked around before shutting the door behind himself and waiting for the ‘click’. Once that was done, they both headed down to the lobby to meet the others. Nick was a little happy that they didn’t forget him this time and sad because he knew they were gonna ignore him again. He would be forgotten again…but someone didn’t want to leave him out on his own. Not this time.

Chapter Five.



As Nick and Brian walked down the stairs, Nick began to daydream about some stuff and forgot they were actually walking. He stopped dead in his tracks, causing Brian to stop o­nce he realized Nick wasn’t next to him. Brian turned around and saw Nick standing there, his eyes glued to this spot o­n the floor like his life depended o­n it. Brian walked up to Nick and bent down a little to look him in the eye, smiling a little.
 
“Nick? Hello in there? If you are still o­n earth, please feel free to answer my call.” He grinned as Nick swayed back and forth like he was lightweight. Like he was a really lose sign post in a strong wind, swinging to and fro and with the words ‘Dead End’ written across it. Brian began to giggle and shook Nick slightly to get his attention finally.
 
“Yes…?” Nick slowly whispered at the floor, his eyes were huge now but still glued to that same spot. Brian laughed this time and grabbed Nick’s arms and shook him, still staring. He snapped his fingers in front of his eyes, still staring. He thought for a moment before he came up with something, walk away from him. Brian sighed and walked away, down the next flight of stairs and hid just out of sight from Nick, but where he could keep an eye o­n him. Nick slowly come back from his dream realm and got a nasty shock when no o­ne was there.
 
“Bri? Brian?!” he called but go no answer. He panicked and looked around quickly; his eyes darted all over the place like lose screws. Nick felt tears well up in his eyes…he’s been forgotten again. He was alone, all alone in this hotel, he didn’t know where anyone was, where’d they gone. He was scared to death this time because he was there, with Brian a few seconds ago and then…Brian was gone. Nick still there, his heart beating like he had just ran 100 miles without stopping o­nce, because he was alone. Nick began to sob and leant against the wall and slid to the floor with his face in his hands, his hair flopping o­n his face. He called quietly, “you left me again, I’m alone, I have no o­ne, I’m forgotten, where are you? Come…back…” he sobbed loudly.
 
Brian felt his heart jerk and his knees go weak, what had he done?! Oh god, the poor kid thought he was alone again? Forgotten? What was Nick o­n about? Why did he say ‘you left me again’? Brian had so many thoughts rushing through his head but o­ne stayed… ‘I’m forgotten’. He wasn’t though, they all loved him so much, maybe it was something that they hadn’t realized they were doing? Brian didn’t know, all he wanted to do was go and get Nick. He got up and ran up the stairs at lightening speed, missing three steps at a time, and pulled Nick up, grabbed him and held him in his arms tightly. Nick hadn’t had time to realize who it was but the smell of the t-shirt gave it away. He instinctively wrapped his arms around Brian’s waist and sobbed harder. Brian felt Nick shake and stroked his soft blond mop of hair to try and calm the kid down.
 
“Shhh Nicky, you’re not alone now, I’m here, I won’t go anywhere again, I swear!”  Brian whispered into Nick’s hair and Nick pulled away, looking right into Brian’s deep blue eyes. He smiled and lent forward o­n Brian’s shoulder. He wasn’t going to alone anymore, he had Brian! He wasn’t going to be forgotten this time; he was going to be ‘in-with-the-crowd’ now! Brian sighed and pulled Nick away from his shoulder and looked him in the eye, Nick stared right back at him. Both saw something that made them lock in a trance, just standing there; both unable to pull away or even blink. They both saw something like love? Lust? Yearning? Wanting? Desire? They could see something like that but neither o­ne was about to break the look they had for fear it would be gone, as if it were a dream. For Nick it was almost unbelievable, no o­ne had ever looked at him like this before in his entire life!
 
“Brian…” he whispered so softly it was almost silent mouthing. Brian sucked in a huge gulp of air before he answered his little call.
 
“Nick…little Nicky…” he smiled and Nick grinned a smile that would dazzle anyone who saw it. Brian didn’t know what to do but he o­nly thought of o­ne thing. Those lips, those soft looking red, full lips right there eon that childish angelically pale face. Nick was thinking something the same; the lips that were practically level with his own, wanting to be kissed, touched. Nick slowly and unsurely reached out, his arm and hand shaking, and gently touched Brian’s jawbone under his lips, not quite his chin. He smiled when he saw Brian’s eyes fixed o­n him, his mouth parting slightly, letting a short breath out.
 
“Nicky…” he sighed and Nick removed his hand, thinking he had done something wrong. Brian smiled at Nick’s shy expression and did the o­nly thought that popped to mind that instant…he lent forward and kissed Nick, quick and swift, hard enough to push Nick back slightly. He pulled away fast and opened his eyes, looking at a every tense, wide-eyed Nick.
 
“Ummm? Ah…well…hmmm…uh…” Nick stammered and Brian blushed but his eyes went as wide as Nick’s o­nce he analysed what he had done. Why had he done that? The kid must think he’s a weirdo now. Brian began to panic inside but kept calm o­n the outside. Nick was a little too quiet right now, which wasn’t helping o­ne bit. Nick shook his head and looked right at the floor again. What was going o­n? What the hell did they just do? Or rather, Brian just do?
 
“I’m sorry Nick…I…god…!” he couldn’t say anything. His head was a mess and Nick wasn’t saying anything or even looking at him. He hated him, he knew it! He didn’t want to know im anymore because he kissed him. He was a guy for god sakes!
 
“Let’s go…” was all Nick said before he walked down the stairs in a trance, leaving Brian staring at the back of his head. See! He hated him; he didn’t want to know him anymore. Brian almost broke down in tears, he really wanted Nick as his new best biddy but now look what he’s done, friends? Yeah! Best friends? No way! Brian held in his tears, sighed and walked after Nick.
 
All the way down to the lobby they kept silent, Nick thought Brian was ignoring him now, that he didn’t want to know him because he didn’t really react to what Brian had done. What the hell was he supposed to do anyway?!?! Laugh it off? No!

Brian had the same thoughts, he thought Nick hated him, was ignoring him because it was the o­nly thing to do now because they were walking together, well almost walking together. Brian’s head was a pool of thoughts, his heart drowning in it all! Nick’s was hell’s new home, his own heart set alight by the flames of heartache, loneliness, ignorance of others and most of all…love. He didn’t know what to do, what to think, how to act or what to say so he kept quiet; the other thinking that he hated him.
 
They entered the lobby and sat down o­n the couches, opposite each other, a really horrid, awkward silence filling the air. Neither boy looked up from the spot they had chosen to pick to look at for fear of locking eyes and seeing hate in the others eyes. They stayed like that until another Backstreeter came and joined.
 
 
Silence isn’t always the best answer to everything that you can’t word, Nick and Brian didn’t know what the other thought of them now that had happened. They began to put a wall of ignorance and forgetfulness in front of their friendship; blocking away all emotions they both craved fro the other. Now they were falling apart…

Chapter Six.







Nick’s head was a mess, and looking at the floor for so long was making it hurt. Brian was the same only he was aware that someone else had sat down next to him and was looking from boy to boy. Howie.

“Ok? Did one of you drop something really small on the carpet?” he asked, looking around. Brian’s gaze lifted and he looked directly at Howie, not daring to look at Nick. He shook his head. Howie’s face went into puzzle mode and he looked at Nick whose eyes were still transfixed to the floor. Howie looked back at Brian who was now looking at his hands, shook his head and stood up. Brian’s gaze turned back to Howie,

“Where you goin’?” He asked as Howie stretched out the kinks in his legs.

“To find Kevin and AJ…and by the time I get back, you two better have sorted out whatever you had the bust up about ok? Otherwise imma be doin’ some pretty nasty butt beatings.” And with that, Howie walked away and towards the elevators. Brian watched him press the button and the doors opened immediately, Howie stepped in and the doors closed. Brian sighed and looked towards Nick who was now staring at him intensely. Brian tensed and Nick just kept staring him right in the eye,

“So?” he said softly and Brian knew what he wanted to know. He sighed inwardly and leant forward on his knees. Nick shifted slightly in his seat, not taking the lock he had on Brian away. The older boy looked up and was met with a very strange emotion in Nick’s eyes…he didn’t know what it was but he didn’t like that Nick felt it.

“I don’t know what happened Nicky I swear, I… Just felt as though it would make everything better because… oh I don’t know. I’m sorry if it freaked you out or if it made you feel… weird. I just reacted a little… wrongly that’s all.” Brian returned his gaze to the floor as while he spoke to Nick, he hadn’t looked away once and Nick hadn’t blinked once. Just stared at him, listening and taking every single word in as it came out of Brian’s mouth. Nick sighed and Brian stiffened, waiting for Nick to walk away and hate him forever. But, it was completely the opposite.

“Brian…it’s ok. I think I can understand what happened if I let myself think it through, what if you had been me and I had been you? I may have done what you had done. Life works out in funny ways, nasty ways and strange ways but we can’t stop it happening can we? I forgive you for what you did, if anything Bri…I found it comforting in a way and in another I found it really… weird. But, it wasn’t bad or wrong, just a reaction to a sort of crisis. Try not to worry, I don’t hate you, I won’t ever hate you!” Nick was almost shaking at the thought that Brian now thought he was a sort of freak and that HE hated him.

“Thanks Nicky…” he said and lent over and hugged him tightly. Nick sighed and felt safe in Brian’s embrace. They released each other after a short while and sat in their original positions. Nick began to think about how everything was working out…Brian didn’t hate him and he had someone to talk to now. He looked at Brian who was once again, looking at his hands. Brian’s head shot up and he looked over Nick’s shoulder at the elevators, which had opened, and three Backstreet Boys were walking towards them, smiling. Nick looked over his shoulders and saw them as well and looked back at Brian.

Nick smiled inside and thought to himself, I’m not alone anymore! Someone likes me; I hope they don’t go away. I really am not alone…am I?

Chapter Seven.




All five Backstreet Boys sat in silence as they waited for the mini bus to arrive and take them to see someone that JIVE had gotten in touch with, some dude from this company called Zomba. Kevin sat facing the doors twiddling his thumbs, AJ was looking around at the women walking by like a horny 16 yr old boy does, Howie kept looking from Nick to Brian and then at the clerk who seemed to keep looking at Nick. Brian kept his gaze on the floor again and Nick wasn’t aware of anything or anyone except Tristen because he could see him out of the corner of his eye. Nick decided that it would only be polite to go and say ‘hi’ so he stood abruptly and walked over to the reception desk.

“Yo Nick? Where ya goin’?” Kevin called after him Nick turned slightly to look back at him.

“To see a friend of mine, call me when the bus gets here and don’t go forgetting me this time!” he said harshly and began his walk to Tristen once more. The rest of the boys, including Brian who was no longer looking at the floor, stared after Nick in shock. He was pissed off?

“Hello there young Nick, and how are you today?” he asked as Nick approached the desk and leant against it.

“I’m very well Tristen, how are you?” he asked as Tristen straightened some cards and placed them by the phone. He looked at Nick and grinned,

“I am very god thank you. I’m happy as well!” he said with a huge smile plastering itself across his face, his blonde spikes shaking slightly and blue eyes sparkling as he giggled. Nick grinned,

“Would you like to tell me why? Or is it too personal?” Nick asked and Tristen shook his head and lent forward on the desk, motioning for Nick to do so as well.

“No, it’s ok. I’ve been busting to tell someone anyway, so, I am engaged!” he almost squealed with excitement and Nick started to giggle like a little girl.

“Wow! You lucky devil! When? Who?” he asked and Tristen looked proud, although he knew Nick might react differently to anyone else who knew Tristen but he was still going to tell him.

“My partner of course.” Nick sighed and rolled his eyes. He looked intently at the man in front of him and noticed for the first time that Tristen was very…child-like. He looked feminine and very soft. Nick wouldn’t be at all shocked if he said that it was a guy he was engaged to, in fact he thought is was kinda sweet. The fact that they would marry into a world that thought it was wrong and not give a shit about what others thought.

“Well duh!” Nick smiled and raised his eyebrow as if to say ‘go on, I won’t be shocked’. Tristen smiled again and took in a deep breath not knowing how this 14 yr old was going to react but hey, he had to tell him!

“Well, it’s a guy. And his name is…Kayle. He’s is the most adorable guy ever Nick, he is sweet, loving and he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about us, like I don’t either.” Nick smiled and placed his hand on Tristen's and smiled.

“I’m glad you found your love. Have you set a date yet?” Nick felt as if he was a somebody now, he was having a conversation for real this time, no interruptions or anything and the guy was gay as well and he didn’t feel awkward or sick at the thought.

“No, not yet but when we do, I’m gonna come looking for you and drag you along! Ok?” Nick almost passed out! He had a real friend now! He wanted him at his wedding for god sakes! Nick nodded and Tristen smiled at him.

“NICK! THE BUS IS HERE!” Kevin’s voice bellowed over the early morning rush in the hotel and Nick turned to look at him and nodded, he turned back to his friend behind the desk and smiled.

“I have to go now dude, see you later? If that’s ok?” Tristen thought for a second, almost jumped over the desk and hugged Nick quickly and went back to how he was stood before. Nick grinned and brushed the mop of blonde hair out of his eyes,

“That’s fine by me Nick. Kayle may be here later as well, I’ll be sure to get you two to meet and talk. Go on now before you end up being left here again. Have fun!” Tristen said as Nick began to run to the door and waved at him. Both smiling at each other before Brian grabbed Nick and dragged him out into the street playfully. Nick loaded himself into the back of the bus with Brian, AJ sat ahead of him and Howie on the opposite side of AJ with Kevin in the front with the driver talking about god-knows-what. Nick smiled and looked out of the window as the bus pulled away towards their destination.

Nick was happy for once in his life, he had new friend and was gonna be meeting someone else soon. His life was being pulled together as someone else’s was being torn apart…seeing the guy he had feelings for laugh with someone he didn’t know and touch his hands and talk like he had known him forever, Brian was dieing. He was being forgotten…now he knew how Nick felt, the only one you love ignoring you and pushing you aside. ‘Even more worse than death’, Brian thought.

Chapter Eight.





The trip towards their destination wasn’t long; in fact it was about 15-20 minutes long. The mini bus slowed down and stopped at a huge pair of security gates with 2 guards on either side. The driver rolled the window down and handed one guard a card, the bouncer-looking man looked from the card back to the driver and nodded and gave him back the card. Once the driver put his card away, the guards opened the gates and the mini bus drove on slowly. The guards waved at Nick and a sad looking Brian as they went past, Brian smiled and waved back and Nick giggled and waved.

“Where the hell are we?” AJ cursed and Howie smacked him across the back of the head as he looked out of the window. AJ turned round to glare at Howie who simply glared back and stuck out his tongue. AJ rolled his eyes and went back to looking at a very large building outside. Kevin kept talking to the driver who was eagerly talking back and laughing with him. Brian kept his gaze on his knees; he had been staring at them from when the mini bus got to the end of the street that the hotel was on because Nick was in his own world, completely oblivious to Brian. Nick kept daydreaming about how his life was getting better and that he could have a trust worthy friend for life…Tristen. He didn’t know that he was gradually killing Brian from inside. That kiss? What was it? For Nick it was weird but nice and yet comforting but for Brian, he didn’t mean to do it. He wanted to calm Nick down and he did it but at the same time, the feeling of Nick in his arms, kissing Nick, his lips, hair, eyes, smile…just everything about Nick there in one second of a kiss. Brian couldn’t help it, he felt strongly towards the kid now and he couldn’t stop it.

“Brian? You ok man?” Howie asked from where he had turned around, smiling his huge white smile at him. Brian’s head snapped up and he found himself looking right into deep brown eyes. Brian sighed and lent forward on Howie’s seat and placed his chin in his folded arms.

“Just tired that’s all Howie.” He lied bare faced to his new friend and band mate. He wasn’t tired; he was upset and mixed up at the same time. His heart was a mess and so was his head and it was all because of a young blond boy sat next to him. He didn’t want to tell Howie that though, he might run away or hate him. Howie raised his eyebrows and let out a long breath of air and nodded while he stretched his arms out.

“Yeah?” he asked as a yawn took over him before he could say anything else. Brian lifted his gaze from Howie’s shirt and looked at him questioningly.

“What? You don’t believe me?” he asked, shocked. He also feared what Howie thought, just in case he had already guessed some how. How though? Silly thoughts.

“No dude, I believe you. Heck Bri, if I’m this tired and you were up and doing things before I was then…you should be tired. Now…where the hell are we?” Brian sighed a sigh of relief. But…the tone Howie used while saying ‘I believe you’ and ‘If I’m this tired and you were up and doing things before I was then…’ was he implying something? Brian was dragged out of his thoughts when he heard Nick laughing next to him. He turned to look at Nick and saw him laughing at something in front of them. He turned his gaze back towards the front of the bus and saw AJ and Howie having a slapping fight.

“You…OW! You smacked me for saying ‘where the hell are we?’ so you…OUCH! Get one for saying it too!” AJ squealed and Howie ducked as a slap came for his face.

“Yeah, you get a slap coz you’re younger and need not to use that sorta cursing where as I am much older and I am allowed to, baby boy!” Howie began laughing and AJ took this time to crack him hard upside his face, knocking Howie out of his seat. He got up and dove at the 16 yr old opposite him and as a result of this, a full front brawl broke out on the mini bus floor. Nick jumped up laughing his face off while Brian rolled his eyes and sent his gaze outside.

“Ok guys…we’re…here…STOP FIGHTING NOW!” Kevin shouted from where he was and the fight stopped almost immediately. Nick went quiet and Brian began to laugh at how much control a few words had over two teenagers and an adult.

“Right…” Kevin began softly, “We’re here now so everyone outta the bus now, sensibly please.” He said and climbed out of his seat and got out of the bus, shutting the door behind him. Nick opened one side of the back doors as Brian opened the other side, their hands touching slightly. Nick froze and Brian went stiff. Brian almost burst into tears and Nick started to shake, images of them kissing came back into his mind. He flushed hot and cold, heart beating out of control and he felt dizzy. Brian couldn’t move, his breathing went mad; he felt like fainting, he couldn’t swallow properly, he felt like ice although he was burning up. Slowly, Nick turned his head to look at Brian. He was staring at their hands, Nick’s slightly covering his own. Brian felt a slight movement next to him and move his gaze towards it, locking his gaze with Nick’s.

“Nick.” He breathed out and Nick smiled, making him melt.

“Brian.” Came the sweet voice, blue eyes shining.

Both boys stayed there, transfixed in their gaze. Nick felt funny, butterflies in every cell of his body. Brian wanted to do nothing more than grab Nick, kiss him and run off with him but he couldn’t do that and besides, he couldn’t move. Their thoughts, feelings and questions were being thrown at each other through one single look.

“Guys! C’mon!” AJ’s voice broke their little world into a million shattered pieces. Nick looked away and Brian felt his heart being torn into shreds. Nick removed his fingers and forcefully shoved the door open, motioning Brian to do the same. Brian looked down at the floor as Nick hopped out of the mini bus and walked round to the other three, leaving Brian in a pool of hurt. After a few seconds of thought, Brian shot back into reality and slammed his hands as hard as he could into the door, sending it flying open and slamming into the side of the bus, rebounding back as Brian got out and hitting hard in the face. Brian fell out onto the floor, screaming in pain, his tears running into blood half way down his face. Brian rolled around on the floor with his hands holding his nose.

“What in the blazes was that?!” Howie asked, looking round. AJ shook his head and Kevin did the same. Nick looked back at the back doors of their mini bus and saw some feet rocking back and forth on the floor as if someone was rolling around. The noise sounded like some kind of blood curdling scream but it cracked. Nick could see blood and tears welled up in his eyes, he couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Not moments before he had been next to Brian, looking into his eyes and now Brian was on the floor, screaming, crying, and rolling around in pain. Nick tried to walk but his legs wouldn’t cooperate so he turned and looked at Kevin.

“Dude? What’s up?” Kevin asked and placed an arm around Nick’s shoulders. Nick shook his head.

“That noise…feet…blood…crying…” Nick stammered, he was scared. Kevin held onto him tightly and rubbed his back.

“What? Calm down and tell me what you’re trying to say.” Nick looked up at the man next to him and made eye contact with him, turned and pointed at Brian’s legs, which had now stopped moving. Kevin followed Nick’s finger to where it was pointing and saw his cousin’s sneakers.

“Oh my dear god!!!” he gasped before he ran over to his now unconscious cousin. AJ followed once he realized what was going on and Howie grabbed Nick just as he passed out.

“Poor kid…not used to having to see real life accidents happen to people you love.” Howie softly spoke as he brushed Nick's golden hair away from his face, looking over at Kevin and AJ panicking over Brian's state.

Chapter Nine.




Nick came to in a hospital waiting room, his head placed in Howie’s lap. He could see nurses walking about, people being escorted to different wards, others being wheeled about in their wheel chairs, Kevin pacing back and forth and AJ out cold in the seat next to him. Nick slowly sat up and Howie removed his fingers from Nick’s blond hair, he’d been playing with it while he was out. As Nick raised his head from its hanging position he was met with brown eyes and a warm smile.

“You ok Nick?” Howie asked as the young boy looked about, as if he was looking for something.

“Yeah…what happened? Where’s Brian?” he asked, looking quite confused. He looked at AJ then back to Howie and raised one eyebrow.

“Brian broke his nose as he was getting out of the mini bus. He forced the door to hard; we reckon he was pissed off dude. He’s being treated right now. You, Nicky were with us when he fell out of the back doors and you saw him, told Kevin and then you passed out on me. AJ’s out cold because he can’t abide the sight of blood, makes him feel really sick and dizzy. No need to worry, everyone’s ok Nicky. Now, how are you feeling?” Howie explained as carefully as he could so Nick would understand with out freaking out. Nick sighed and leant his head on Howie’s shoulder. He looked at Kevin as he looked at some flyers on a pinup board on the wall. Nick jumped as a nurse came out of a room to the left of them and she smiled at Howie. Kevin walked over to her and waited for her to speak.

“He’s stable now. We have straightened his nose and splinted both sides to keep it secure. Although it was a pretty bad break, it seems to be on its way to a very good healing process. We have to keep him in for a few nights to make sure nothing goes wrong and that he doesn’t go into a state of shock.” She spoke softly as they listened, Nick partially listening as he drifted in and out of a daze.

“He’s awake though?” Kevin asked and the nurse simply nodded her head and smiled. Kevin and Howie both sighed but Nick kept his eyes glued to the opposite wall, thinking mixed up thoughts. Was it his fault Brian broke his nose? It must have been because not minutes even seconds before, their fingers had touched and they locked sight. The heat and the emotion Nick felt there, it had to have something to do with the force Brian used against the door. Was it Nick’s touch? His eyes? Was it because of the bond that linked them, that one moment was broken and Brian got upset because Nick had just smiled and walked away? Nick squeezed his eyes shut and let out a deep sigh and then re-opened them, he looked at the nurse and she gazed back.

“Can I see him? Please? Can I?” Nick pleaded with her and she giggled. What was so funny?

“Of course…on your own?” she asked looking from Nick to Kevin to AJ and then to Howie and back at Nick. He nodded and got up, followed the nurse down the hall while two sets of eyes stared at him, confused and curious. All Nick did was follow her in a line towards the separate wardroom Brian was in. Eyes burning a hole into whatever he stared at, locked in a trance, his breathing in long gasps.

As the nurse pulled the handle down on the door, pushed it open, she stood to the side and let Nick walk in completely before shutting the door behind him. Nick walked forward slowly while his eyes attached themselves to Brian’s bandaged face, his eyes were closed and his lips parted so he could breathe without complication. As Nick carefully and quietly sat in the seat beside the bed, his hearing went and the only noise he could hear was the heart monitor beeping beside him. He had done this. He was an awful person putting Brian in this place all because he touched him. Maybe he had been a bit distant towards his new friend, not paying him any attention, maybe that’s why he got mad and hit the door, forced it. Was it because he was treating Brian the way he thought Brian was treating him? Ignoring him? Being heartless? He didn’t mean to! It wasn’t his fault he was doing it, he just wanted to get someone back and was too focused on himself being happy and not others because they always upset him. He was so selfish and he needed to apologize, needed to let Brian know what he had done to him.

“Bri?” he called softly causing the figure in the bed to stir slightly and whine in pain. Nick jumped and quickly grabbed a hold of Brian’s hand to let him know someone was there and he was ok. The older teen began to sit up carefully and managed to look at Nick. He tried his best to form a smile but a sharp jolt of antagonising pain shot up his face and caused him to hiss and squeeze his eyes shut tightly.

“Hey…how you doin’ Brian?” Nick asked, still holding Brian’s hand. Brian shook his head and opened his eyes to look at Nick. His face was partly covered in a thick bandage, his top lip swollen and both his eyes dark shades of purple and rouge. Nick screamed inside…he looked like he was in so much pain.

“Not too good dude, not good at all. My nose is bust man and it hurts so bad. I want the pain to go away, Nick make it go away please. Please!” Brian began to cry, as the pain got worse as he spoke, the fabric of his dressing soaking up his tears. Nick held his hand tighter and to Brian’s dismay he shook his head and he knew what he meant. He couldn’t make it go away, there was no way he could. Brian whined and threw his head back into the soft pillows and his body began to shake with his sobs, his mouth open in a silent scream for help.

“I’m sorry Bri, I can’t help you there.” Nick played with Brian’s fingers as the dirty blond began to sit up again, calming himself down. Nick thought this would be an appropriate time to ask before the others came in, “Bri? Was it my fault? You breaking your nose, was it my fault? Because of what happened in the mini bus, I’m so so sorry if it was. I never meant to hurt you in any way at all. I won’t ignore you no more or treat you bad because I know that’s what I’ve been doing since…well…the um kiss. I tried to forget it and in the process of this morning, I forgot that you wanted to talk to me still. I ignored you and for that I am truly sorry. I think I did that because of they way I have been treated and because of what happened I tired to block everything out and do it back, be mean to them but I wasn’t mean to them Brian, I was mean to you! I’m a bad person! Selfish!” Nick broke down and laid his head on Brian’s hand, his hair falling around his face. Brian smiled and lifted his hand so Nick would lift his head up again. Brian smiled the best he could to reassure Nick that he was ok.

“Shhh…it’s ok Nicky, it’s not your fault. I guess it was because I was a little to caught up in my own feelings; they kinda came flooding out when I kissed you. I’m sorry I did that. So it’s my own fault I broke my nose, I just got pissed off that the moment I had with you was broken Nicky, the gaze we had was amazing…it was like I could read you like an open book because you didn’t hide anything in your eyes did you Nick?” Brian spilled, he didn’t care if it was too forward, he just said it and that was that. Nick smiled and hugged his friend tightly, avoiding his nose. Brian lifted his hand and placed it on the back of Nick’s head and played with his hair. Nick breathed in the older boys fragrance, ‘he smells just like vanilla’ he thought.

“I didn’t think I should hide anything from you anymore, you made me feel weird in the stair case but it wasn’t a bad feeling, I wasn’t affected in a bad way, in fact I think it’s helped me figure out a lot of things. So thank you Brian.” Nick whispered into his neck, his breath making Brian shiver. As Nick pulled away, he looked into Brian’s eyes and thought he’d thank him a little more affectionately…he kissed him on the cheek. Brian jumped to say the least, from shock and pain. He felt as though Nick’s lips had burnt him in a way because Nick was forbidden, he didn’t want the boy doing anything he shouldn’t or would regret.

“Nick…” he sighed as Nick pulled away and smiled. He placed his hand gently on the soft cheek he had just kissed.

“I wanted to do that…don’t worry Bri, I won’t be hurt. I can read you like a book as well you know, well when you look at me like that I can.” Nick giggled and sat back down, still holding Brian’s hand but this time, brushing his thumb back and forth over the silky skin.

“But…you…and…last…reacted badly…and…but…why?” Brian couldn’t help but stutter causing Nick to laugh. His blue eyes shone brightly as he looked into eyes identical to his own.

“Because it’s something that needed to be done…don’t forget what needs to be done Brian, never forget.” Nick smiled, he knew he was talking in riddles but he needed to. Brian would only figure it out if he really knew Nick, maybe he would work it out in a day or maybe a year or so, “Now, I’ll go let the others come and talk to you for a while. I don’t think AJ will though ‘cause he kinda passed out from the sight of blood and the fact that you were hurt, as I did to. So I’ll go get some food and drink, AJ may come he may not…see ya soon Brian.” Nick let go of Brian’s hand and stood up, smiling as he walked back to the door and walked out, shutting it quietly behind him. He left a very confused Brian in that room, his mind stumbling over and over at what Nick had said. What did he mean?

Nick walked back to the others and found that AJ had indeed woken up but didn’t look to good. Kevin smiled, as did Howie.

“How is he?” Kevin asked. Nick smiled back at Kevin and looked over at Howie and nodded.

“He’s fine and he wants to see you guys now, I’m gonna go get some thing to eat and drink.” He spoke in his usual soft tone. A wash of relief came over Kevin’s face and Howie stood up.

“Ok kiddo! We’ll go see Brian…don’t go wandering off and getting lost, yeah? See you in a little while…Aje? You coming?” Kevin spoke and AJ shook his head.

“Tell him I said sorry but I can’t see him like that without passing out again. I’ll go with Nicky ok?” Kevin nodded as he and Howie made their way to Brian’s wardroom. Nick waited for AJ to get up; the older teen actually wrapped an arm around Nick’s waist.

“Dude, I need to be able to stand up as I walk. Hope you don’t mind me holding you?” Nick shook his head and they made their way to the canteen. Nick smiled to himself knowing he had got Brian confused but it was something he had to work out and when he did, he would be happy that Nick had said that to him. His lips still tasted like Brian’s skin, vanilla. The sweetest things in life aren’t always as easy to get.

Chapter Ten.


AJ and Nick slowly made their way to the canteen, the older teenager still holding Nick’s waist for support. Nick led them to a small table for two people in the far right-hand corner and helped AJ sit down. Nick placed himself opposite AJ and watched as he rubbed his eyes and yawned.

“Aje? Want something to eat dude? Sandwich? Burger and fries?” Nick asked while hand gesturing and looking sympathetically at his friend. AJ nodded and began to think of something to eat that he wouldn’t throw back up, his head was killing him. Nick waited quietly, for AJ to come up with what he wanted to eat and drink, and looked about at the tables of the canteen. It was pretty large, about 10 two-seater tables, same amount of four-seater and a few larger ones, the serving bay and fridges with the bottles and cans in. There we quite a lot of people in the canteen, a few visitors and patients and then there were some doctors and nurses and what looked like four or five surgeons all eating their lunch. Nick was brought back to the person sat opposite him when AJ tapped the table with his fingertips.

“Um, Nick?” AJ asked, removing his shades at the same time. Nick had only ever seen AJ without his shades when the boy was sleeping so this was a shock. ‘Those eyes are amazing, beautiful. I wonder if he knows that? If he did, he’d take the bloody shades off more often’ Nick thought while gazing at AJ for a second.

“Yeah Aje?” Nick watched him as the older teen placed his shades on the table and leant back in the seat.

“What you gonna eat man? I’ll just have the same if that’s ok, I got a headache and I don’t really feel like thinking hard right now. I’ll have a coke as well if that’s ok? And, how you gonna pay for this?” AJ asked out of curiosity and cocked his head to the side as Nick smiled back at him. The 14-year-old pulled out a small dark blue wallet and waved it slightly, still grinning.

“I got money man, Kevin gave me a bit yesterday while you lot went out, just to keep me occupied if I wanted to go buy some snacks from the shop in the hotel lobby, ya know? I’ve got…” he trailed off as he opened the wallet and flicked through the green slips of paper, “…$50 and about $3 in change.” He smiled at AJ who just grinned and shook his head slightly. Nick looked at AJ and stood up.

“Dude, I’m gonna have some fries and a ham salad roll with a Pepsi. You want the same with a coke?” Nick said softly as he cracked his knuckles and AJ simply nodded.

“Nick, man, why ham salad? And with fries?” He asked as Nick began to walk towards the fridges.

“Both junkie and healthy, Kevin thinks we should eat something that’s good for us everyday so…I’m having something I like and something that’s good for me. Besides, ham salad is nice, won’t kill ya you know Aje so stop pulling a face.” Nick said as he closed the fridge door and walked towards the serving bay with a bottle in each hand, leaving AJ sighing and shaking his head again.

Nick pulled out a tray from the rack and placed it on the bars that ran all the way around the bay and stopped at the payment counter. He put the bottles on the tray and walked along until he was met with a very friendly face.

“Hello dear, what would you like today?” a sweet old lady asked, adjusting her green cap at the same time. Nick smiled and looked back and forth, already knowing what he wanted but wanted to seem interested at the food on offer today.

“I would like two plates of fries please and two ham salad rolls if you wouldn’t mind?” he said softly, the old lady grinned at him and began to dish out the fries. She handed him the plates and he set them on the tray as she pulled out two ham salad rolls and handed those to him as well. He smiled at her and said his thank you before walking over to another lady to pay.

“Hey there young man, going for the mixed option today?” she asked and he blushed while she began to tap in the prices and bring them to a total for him.

“That’ll be…$3.95 please.” She said and he gave her the money, retrieved his change and made his way back over to AJ who was chilling in his chair, eyes closed lazily and arms folded behind his head. Nick set the tray down on the table and sat down. AJ sat forward and picked up his bottle of Coke and opened it before taking a long guzzle from it.

“Eat up man.” Nick said before he started to eat a few fries at a time, AJ grinned and did the same but threw fist full after fist full of fries down his throat. Nick almost choked from laughing with food in his mouth and AJ just winked at him. Soon they were both eating away at their rolls and talking about basketball and baseball, AJ occasionally standing up and pretending to be a batsman and swinging his arms as if he’d hit a home run, placing his hand on his brow as if he was watching it fly all the while making Nick laugh.

On their way back to the floor Brian was on, Nick and AJ kept cracking jokes and laughing. AJ never put his shades back on because Nick insisted that he left them off. Reaching the waiting area on the ward, Nick found Kevin and Howie sitting there, chatting away. Kevin noticed them and smiled, Howie turned around and smiled as well as thee two boys joined them.

“Hey, how’s Bri?” Nick asked and AJ plopped down in a seat next to him. Kevin smiled and nodded towards his cousin’s room. Howie was entertaining AJ at that minute, telling him about something to do with something back at the hotel.

“He’s asleep now kiddo, he’s fine though,” Nick sighed and Kevin ruffled his hair, “…Enjoy your lunch?” he asked and AJ spoke up.

“Yeah! Very different from what I’d usually eat but, man, Nick knows his food!” Howie and Kevin both laughed slightly.

“I suppose it’s different from what Brian was given, poor man had to eat mushy potatoes, mashed chicken and vegetables with a bowl of custard and some grape juice. He didn’t like it one bit but he had to eat it.” Kevin said and Nick smiled. Poor Brian, eating mushy food because of his nose…he was missing out!

“We had fries and a ham salad roll with a bottle of soda.” Nick said and Kevin gave him the ‘nice one’ look. AJ was now goggling at one of the passing nurses, Howie taking the piss and Kevin went to look for the toilet. Nick sighed a leant back into his seat, maybe things would be ok? Maybe they wouldn’t? You can’t choose you fate, it comes to you how it’s supposed to.

Chapter Eleven.





Sitting in a waiting room wasn’t one of Nick’s best qualities at all. He couldn’t stop fidgeting, looking at the clock or huffing a puffing. Kevin had gone to sleep, so had Aj and Howie. He was the only one awake, he shouldn’t be really, it was 5 past midnight. He was the only one awake except for the night nurses and some doctors and maybe some patients. He wondered if Brian was? It wouldn’t hurt to go see would it? It wouldn’t do any harm is he was asleep would it? Nick thought for a second before making damn sure that the guys were asleep before sneaking off to Brian’s room. Carefully, he peered around the corner of the wall and looked for a nurse. None. He smiled and made his way towards the door that held his best friend inside and was about to pull on the handle when a nurse stood next to him. Quiet shoes come in handy.

“Sweetie? What are you doing up so late at night? Anything I can help you with?” she asked, smiling at him. Nick blushed as though he was had just been caught taking sweets without asking.

“Umm, I just wanted to see my friend. He broke his nose and I’m worried and can’t sleep because of it. Will it be ok to sleep in his room?” he asked shyly and she smiled.

“Yes of course it is. You know, I’ll fetch some blankets and some pillows for you then I’ll write a note for your friends over there”, she nodded in the guys’ direction, “To let them know where you are so they don’t worry honey, ok?” she said and he nodded with a smile. She quickly disappeared and returned shortly afterwards with a folded blanket and two pillows. Nick opened the door carefully to the sound of the monitor beeping away and the nurse quietly pulled out the fold-down bed from underneath Brian’s bed and opened it up by the corridor window, did the blanket and pillows for him and smiled.

“Hope you sleep ok now dear. Goodnight.” She said and quietly shut the door behind her, leaving Nick, a sleeping Brian and beeping alone in the room. He smiled and climbed into his little bed and settled down s that he was facing Brian and quickly fell asleep.

The nurse stood outside in the corridor and peeped through the blinds, watching Nick as he fell asleep and smiled softly before going to do the little note. Getting a small post-it-note pad and a pen, she stood in front of Kevin and wrote:


‘The little blond can be found in Mr. Littrell’s room. Sister Grace.’ And she carefully stuck it to his forehead before leaving with a slight chuckle.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When morning came, around about 8 o’clock, Brian woke up to the sight a rumpled blond hair, a very innocent face and a blanket half on the floor. He smiled and rubbed his eyes and wiped his hands across his face, which, in turn made him scream in pain. Nick literally fell off his bed and hit the floor face first, which made Brian lean over while wincing in pain. A nurse came rushing in to see what was going on and saw the pained expression on Brian’s face as well as a very dazed 14 year old trying to get up off the floor. She put her hands on her hips and tried to look annoyed.

“What went on in here then?” she asked.

“I woke up and wiped my hand across my face, forgetting about this,” Brian said while pointing at his nose, “As for Nick? I don’t know. I think I startled him when I screamed. Sorry dude.” He said while Nick tried to get up, his hair hiding his face. He just mumbled something and stood up the best he could.

“Nnnnngggg my face hurts!” he whined and held his face in his hands. Nothing was broken or bleeding, just a little sore from the impact. The nurse checked both of them for any other injuries before leaving to get Brian his breakfast. He was going to be discharged today, hopefully. Maybe not, after what he did to himself just a few moments ago, he could do it again and with no nurse or anything, he’d be a bit stuck.

“Sorry Nick.”

“S’ok man. How you feelin’ today?” Nick asked while tugging the blanket back up on to his little bed.

“Better. Slight headache but that’s to be expected after what I just did to myself!” Nick and Brian started laughing as the nurse came back in with some toast for Nick, some orange juice and some porridge and milk for Brian.

“Don’t chew so much this time, it’ll hurt more.” She said and left again with a smile. The two boys tucked into the food and started a small chat about things.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“WHERE’S NICK GONE?” Kevin bellowed and AJ started laughing at him once he’d registered he was awake. Howie shook his head and got up. Kevin was looking about all over the place while the little green post-it was bouncing up and down on his forehead and he hadn’t spotted it yet.

“Dude, it’s says where on your head.” Howie said and walked past him to the water-cooler. Kevin looked up and grabbed the note before reading it out loud.

“Oh, that’s where he is. Figures.” AJ was still laughing at him when Howie got back. Some people are weird in the morning.

Chapter Twelve


It was noon now and AJ had taken Howie to the canteen for some food while Kevin started nagging the consultant about whether or not they were going to let Brian leave now. So far, it was proving pointless. Meanwhile, Nick and Brian were sat in an awkward silence, Brian staring at Nick, Nick staring at a spot on the wall next the window. He had to say something but his teenage mind would only bugger it up somehow. Brian had now gone into a daze and was picturing himself sitting on a secluded beach, talking with Nick and holding his hand, kissing him and laughing with him like nothing was wrong in the world...nice thought but nothing from it would ever be true. Brian focused when he heard mumbling from Nick and asked what he said again.

"I said I wonder if they'll let you out today, I mean, Kev's kinda nagging again," he said with a soft smile at Brian before looking out of the window this time. Brian made a small noise, like a hum or something, before he hit the nurse button. A few moments of silence later, a nurse came in and smiled at the both of them.

"Yes?" she asked as she came over to Brian to check his forehead. Nick still gazed out of the window, "Feeling ok dear?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. Just wondering if there's any progress in my going home anytime soon?" he saked while she checked his monitors and drip bag for low fluid. She smiled at him after fluffing his pillows.

"Sweetie, the consultant has to run a few checks and then he'll come see you. He's the one who decides dear, I'm sorry I can't help," she said with a sad smile. Nick also smiled sadly before he stared blankly at the wall again, eyes huge. Brian sighed and nodded to the nurse who took her leave and shut the door. Brian huffed and before to eat some grapes that Howie had got from the hospital shop.

"Want one Nick?" he asked, holding one out in the palm of his hand. Nickswayed before he snapped back into reality, smiled and took the grape. A burning shock of electricity stung Nick's fingers and Brian's palm. Their eyes locked.

"Bri?" Nick asked, his voice wavered. Brian could only stare into those huge blue eyes, seeing confusion and something else...hurt? Pain? Lonliness? He couldn't decide. He wanted to see...but that was impossible. But what should he do now?

Nick was feeling equally confused. What should he do? Um, talk, break eye contact...he couldn't though. Those eyes were captivating and hypnotizing him. Why did he feel weird all of a sudden? Why did his stomach turn left, right and centre? It was a very odd feeling. He didn't know what he should do. His fingers were still touching Brian's palm. His heart was pounding so loud he could hear it and he felt strangely...aware? Brian was staring at him, like he was reading the very lines of his soul, as if he was looking for something he couldn't already see. Nick had the strangest urge to comfort the older teen. But how? Slowly, he stood up and walked cautiously towards Brian, sat on the bed and looked into his eyes, studied his face. He felt as though the whole room around them had disappeared and they were in some white space, alone. Nick could feel Brian's warmth pull him closer until their lips were mere inches apart when the consultant opened the door. Luckily, he was looking at his clipboard and had a nagging Kevin behind him. Nick smiled and pretended to be studying Brian's bust nose.

"...Yeah. Black eyes man, serious swelling. Looks funny!" he said before he turned around to give Kevin a smile and he went back over to his chair and proceeded to watch the consultant.

"Mr.Littrell, I have checked on your recent X-ray and all seems to be well. As far as blood tests and scans are concerned, you are fine and can leave as soon as you like," said the consultant with a genuine smile. Kevin almost collapsed in relief. Must have been nagging forever. Brian smiled in relief and so did Nick.

"Thank you very much Doc! Thanks for sorting my nose out and for being so gentle when you put the splint on," he said back, shaking the consultants hand. Kevin shook his hand too and said his thanks, then the consultant faced Nick who took his hand and shook it when it was offered. That was a first, he had his hand shaken by someone really important. Cool. Now all they had to do was discharge Brian, find Howie and AJ and go back to the hotel.

Chapter Thirteen.


Now that they had Brian back at the hotel, Nick had been given a huge responsibilty. Looking after him. Kevin had cursed about this and that and had now gone off somewhere to call JIVE and explain what had happened. AJ had gone back to his room to do something and Howie had gone for a walk. Brian was sitting on the edge of his bed, playing with a sock or glove and Nick just stood in the doorway. His splint would only be on for a few days or weeks. They didn't know yet. Waiting for a phone call or something Kevin had said. Nick smiled at how young and playful Brian really looked right now. Amused by a small piece of cloth.

"Nicky?" he snaped out of his haze when he heard his name being called ever-so-softly. He looked at Brian who was now looking at him, piece of cloth forgotten. He smiled.

"Y-yeah?" damn! He stammered. Now what? Brian knew he was nervous now. The older boy held out his hand.

"C'mere." he said. Nick was unsure. Should he or not. What would happen if he didn't? Would Brian discard him like the cloth? And if he did go to him? Would 'it' happen again? Nick didn't know. He was confused. So...he trusted Brian didnt he? He wouldn't do anything to hurt Nick, that he knew. So, carefully he walked over to him, took his hand and sat by him. Brian smiled and wrapped his arm around his slim shoulders.

He was so close...so warm. Nick smiled and closed his eyes, resting his head on the broad shoulder next to him. He could feel Brian's heartbeat, hear it. Could he hear him breathing calmly. This felt so good and a lot different to what he had felt in the hospital, the stairway. This time, he knew no one could or would disturb them if anything did happen yet he knew nothing major would. He wouldn't be pushed. He is only 14 remember? Brian knows this...as for Brian, Nick's soft hair against his neck, his sigh of relief and his warmth were pushing Brian's control to the limit. He quickly gave a side glance down at the young boy. Those lips! So red! No, calm yourself, he thought, if he wants to do anything, he must make the first move.

"This is calming Bri, dontcha think?" came the soft, relaxed voice of Nick. Brian didn't trust his voice so he just gave a quick nod. Nick chose that moment to turn his head and look at him. He smiled. So beautiful! Nick's eyes felt as though they were seeing Brian's very soul, his thoughts, his fears and his adoration for the young teen. All Brian could see in those deep, bright blue eyes was kindness and...he couldn't make out the other one. But he could see how nervous he was. He shouldn't be nervous. But he was. And so was Brian. Nick decided he wanted to kiss him again, just to make sure he was loved. And if it didn't feel right, they could forget anything ever happened...right?

He lifted his left hand slowly and, shaking, ran his fingers through the soft curls. Brian closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. Nick smiled and sat up properly. Brian's eyes shot open and a look of confusion passed through them. Was Nick running? No. He still hand his fingers caressing his hair. That's ok then. Nick stood quickly, never moving his hand, folded his right leg under himself and sat back down, left leg hanging over the side, Brian was already like this but opposite legs. Nick shuffled closer and placed his other shaky hand on his shoulder and smiled again. Brian stared. Awestruck by his beauty. Nick waited for him to move now...and he did after several heartbeats of silence. The older boy snaked his left arm around the silm waist and caressed his cheek with his other hand.

"Nick..." he whispered. The blonde leant closer.

"Brian...." his warm bearth floated over Brian's parted lips. He closed his eyes, his breath becoming hitched. Nick leant forward further and nudged Brian's lips with his, and innocent move. Brian almost moaned but held it back as not to scare Nick. Nick, becoming braver by the second, now kissed him full on the lips. He then moved his other hand into those deliciously soft curls and kept his mouth on Brian's. Not too much pressure. Brian sighed in contentment. He kissed him back with a soft push. Nick pulled away slowly, his lips parted, faced flushed and his eyes closed. Brian opened his eyes first...the sight before him sent blood rushing to a place he shouldn't let Nick see. Not right now, it'd scare him if he thought Brian wanted him to sort the problem out. He really didn't want Nick thinking he wanted him just for sex. Because he didn't.

"...wow..." came a whispered reply to what had just gone on. Brian smiled and pushed a few strands of hair out of the way, placing his hand at the nape of his neck after. He pulled Nick forward and rested his forehead against his. Nicky smiled.

"...yeah, wow..." he whispered back. Nick looked him in the eye and smiled again, this time, teeth visible.

"I liked that...I er..." he tried not to blush but he couldn't help it, "I want to do it again, but better this time? Know what I mean?" he said shyly. Brian knew. He smiled and nodded. Nick grinned and moved to kiss him again. Brian let him. It was innocent at first and then lips began to move together, small whimpers came from Nick and light moans from Brian. It took some time and few breaks for air before Nick did it first and nudged Brian's bottom lip with his tongue. Brian was thankful he was sitting otherwise his knees would have given out. He eagerly parted his lips and soon enough, they were french kissing each other like either one of them were the other's air. Brian was getting increasingly worried about his arousal and hoped to god that Nick didn't get any closer...bagging pants covered a lot but not everything. And as for the way his legs were. Well. Nick broke for air. His face was flushed beyond reason and his lips were swollen. He sighed and smiled lazily.

"Mmmmm...." he yawned. It was late. Brian thought, I better put him to bed and have a nice cold shower.

"Come on now Nicky...time to sleep." he said, pushing him backwards on his bed. He gave him one last kiss before Nick fell asleep. Brian sighed and looked down at the bulge between his legs. Shower! he thought. As he undressed, he realised what he had done. What they had done. Now, he was letting this angel rule his heart. But what of Nick...was it just some crush? Experiment? Brian cried as he relieved himself in the shower, having no idea that Nick could hear him. He wasn't alseep.

Chapter Fourteen.


After Nick had heard Brian in the shower, he hadn't really thought much of it because he couldn't really hear what was going on. The loudness of the water muffled Brian's sobs, moans and 'Oh god's so Nick wasn't quite sure what was going on. At first he thought he had hurt Brian. But after a while, being a fourteen year old, a soon realised what he was doing in there. Be blushed and tried to sleep. He had gotten slightly aroused from kissing but when the dreams flooded his naive mind, it got harder to ignore. He had slept with it. He had tried to get rid of it but Brian had chosen that moment to come out of the bathroom and go sleep in Nick's bed. Nick had forgotten he was in Brian's bed. He could smell his shampoo on the pillow. That didn't help much either. So, he went to sleep, knowing he'd have a wet dream and a mess to clean up in the morning.

It was morning now, and Nick, as he knew he would, woke up to dampness. He rolled over casually and looked at his bed. Neat. Empty. Where did Brian go? There was no noise in the hotel room whatsoever. Did Brian feel bad about what he...no, they had done? Did Nick hurt him? He didn't know...but now he was alone...and still aroused. Nick shyly looked at the hotel room door and bit his lip. Shower. Carefully, he got out of Brian's bed, shedded the sheets and quilts and dumped them on the floor. Good, it hadn't soaked through to the mattress. He grabbed a bathrobe and gathered the sheets and quilts in a roll and went to the door, opened it and padded down the hall to the laundry shoot. He shoved them in and watched them vanish. He smiled and went back to the room, shut the door and ran for the shower. He dropped the robe somewhere in the living area and was now locking the bathroom door. He turned on the shower and stepped under the spray, letting it soak his sweaty skin and hair. He leant against the tiles and sighed in pleasure. His cock throbbed gently, reminding him that it was still there. He smiled sweetly and slid his hand down his body to grasp it in his hand. He began to stroke it slowly, letting the rough part of the spray hit the head. Nick's hips bucked and he moaned loudly. He started a faster pace, constantly biting his bottom lip as he played with himself, the soft skin of his fingertips causing so much pleasure. Unknown to Nick...Brian had just come back from Kevin's room.

He put his keycard down and went for the bedroom, stopping dead as he passed the bathroom. The sweet moans and panting coming from in there...only one person. Brian listened eagerly, waiting for Nick to climax, wanting so bad to hear what sound he made. He wasn't far now, constantly saying 'Ooohmmm!' and 'Ah!'. Brian shut his eyes, he could feel the heat pooling in his groin. Nick, close now, moaned loudly again and when he came, he moaned 'Brian' over and over again. Brian, on the other hand, was shocked but the way his name rolled off those sweet lips made him explode in his pants. Thankful that he had a baggy shirt on, went and grabbed a clean pair of pants, grabbed a glass and chucked water all over his legs, as if he had spilt a drink or something. A few moments later, Nick waltzed out of the bathroom, towel around his slim waist, messy towel dried hair. He stopped when he saw Brian, pants soaked, standing there with a smirk on his face. Had he heard?

"Hey Nicky...I went to Kev's earlier and I dropped my tea in my lap so I came back to change but you were in the bathroom, so, I waited." he said softly, smiling at Nick who blushed so deeply that it made a beetroot look pink. He had heard. Everything. Nick plopped down on the bed and began to shake. Now, Brian must think he was dirty now and not want to touch him. He nearly began crying but when he felt Brian sit next to him and hug him, nothing seemed to matter. He leant into him, sighing quietly to himself as the older teen kissed his hair.

"Aren't you going to change? Tea starts to smell bad after a while." he said softly, and Brian could only smile. He nodded, got up and went into the bathroom, not shutting the door completely. Nick stood and rumaged for something to wear while Brian changed his pants. He came back out quickly, only holding a towel round his waist...he had soaked his boxers as well so he needed another pair. He smiled to Nick who was sifting through t-shirts, grabbed a clean pair and went back into the bathroom, this time, he didn't even try to shut the door. Nick turned to glance at his retreating form but instead, his got an eye full of round ass. Brian began to bend his legs in order to get his underwear on and Nick looked away, eyes wide. He found his t-shirt and trousers and whatever else and he now began to pull on his boxers so fast that he got red marks up his legs. Once they were on, he dressed slowly, t-shirt first. Brian came back out of the bathroom and put his wet clothes in a plastic bag before shoving them into his suitcase. He sat on the end of his bed again, and began to play with one of Nick's socks. When Nick was dressed, he sat on the end of his own bed. Every now and then, he'd glance at Brian and fight the urge to ask, 'Did you hear me? Is that why your pants were wet?' but he couldn't voice it.

"We've got the day 'off' or so Kev says. We can do whatever we like...what do you wanna do?" he said, turning his head to look him in the eye. He could see he wanted to ask him something but...what? He brushed it off and stood up, going into the kitchen area to get a drink of OJ. Nick sighed...he wanted to explain everything. He wanted to...maybe...no, he couldn't do that. Look what it's already done, he thought. Brian said something from the other room and Nick had to get up and go to him to hear what he had said. The older teen was leaning against the wall, smiling at him. Nick really really wanted to kiss him now...he just looked so...sexy, standing there like that. Head leaning to the side, legs spread wide, hips out, hands in pockets. Nick swallowed hard and sat on the couch. Brian didn't move, only repeated what he'd said.

"Fancy playing basket ball later?" he asked, smile getting ever more sexy, making his mouth so inviting, Nick couldn't take his eyes away. Nick could only nod. Brian shifted and Nick saw the lust in his eyes only he was holding back because of Nick...his age...he was a minor after all. Brian was a very caring person, Nick knew this, he wouldn't push him to do anything, he wouldn't hurt him intentionally. Maybe Brian thought, what he was doing right now was purely innocent and had no idea how Nick saw it. But Nick, being an adolescent and going through homonal changes, could only see what he wanted to see. He wanted so bad, to be Brian's age right now, like in his dream last night. And then, he could have sex, he could be driven into the wall by his best friends cock. But no, this wasn't reality. His could only dream. All of this, because of a stupid kiss.

"So, now what?" he heard Brian ask, he had moved now. He was sitting on the worktop, swinging his legs. Nick gave in and stood up, walked towards him. Brian frowned and then, as he figured it out...shook his head, "Nick, no. I can't keep doing this...I'm 19, you're 14-"

"Nearly 15." he corrected, still prowling forward.

"Ok, nearly 15, soon enough, it'll get too much and it'll go to far or I'll have to stop it dead and then what? It'll hurt you...I don't want that. Please Nick...control yourself?" he didn't get any answer, now that Nick was between his legs, leaning against him and his mouth covering his own. Brian's worries and no-go's were gone now as a young tongue searched out his. His hands went straight to those soft blonde locks, Nicks around his waist. They both moaned as the kissing got fierce, fighting for domination. The kiss. All because of the stupid kiss in the stairwell...well, it just goes to show doesn't it? Not even the smallest guestures go untouched.

Chapter Fifteen.


It had been a few days since the kissing in the kitchen. That day, after everything started to get a little out of hand, Brian decided that it had to stop. He had his needs and having them driven wild by a minor wasn't fair on him. It wouldn't be fair on Nick if he found out Brian wanted to go fuck a random person to take his mind off Nick for a while. So, he stopped it. Nick was hurt, like he had said he would be, and had cried for at least an hour. Brian tried to comfort him but he got pushed away and yelled at. So he had left Nick to himself and sat on the balcony, had even slept on the couch. Now, since that day...his thoughts had plagued him constantly, Nick hardly spoke to him and had found the clerk in reception better company. He didn't know that Nick had poured his crushed little heart out to this guy, but, now Brian was crushed. He was alone most of the day now, nothing to do and no one to talk to.

"It's your own fault Bri...you should have known better. Forget about it now, nothin's gonna happen again so...forget about it," he spoke to himself, trying his best to believe and understand himself. He stood up from the couch, grabbed his key-card and headed downstairs to the lobby. He decided he wanted something to eat and there wasn't anything filling in the fridge so he wanted to go eat in the restaurant. Maybe they'd have something good to eat? Maybe not, what he really wanted was someone to talk to or be around more people. Sitting on your own, wollowing about rights and wrongs in a hotel room really wasn't good for ones mind.

As he got into the elevator, he was thankful it was empty and pressed G. He knew he's see Nick in the lobby talking with...was his name Tristen? He thought it was. But, he knew he'd see if but he wouldn't appraoch him either because...if Nick wanted to talk with him he'd let him do it in his own time. Although he badly needed to explain why he did what he did, he just couldn't force Nick into something he didn't want to do just yet. In his own time would be best because then he'd be in control and not feel presured. The elevator bell sounded and he stepped out into the lobby. He looked to his right and saw the desk and sure enough, Nick was sitting on a chair chatting away with Tristen. He didn't look happy at all, in fact he looked really upset still and Tristen just sat there, looking all sympathetic and concerned, rubbing Nick's hand and listening to his every word. Brian felt a pang of jealousy but brushed it off and made his way over towards them. Nick spotted him coming over and watched him carefully out of the corner of his eye. Brian smiled at them both, Tristen smiled brightly and nodded his head...Nick didn't do anything but stare at the wooden desk in front of him. Brian sighed painfully and carried on past into the restaurant.

"Sweetheart...really! You could have smiled at least, let him know you don't hate him. He's looks even more devastated than you do," said Tristen, still rubbing his knuckles. Nick sighed and nodded slightly.

"I know but I really need to think about what I'm gonna say to him...I have been cruel to him, made him sleep on the couch, not spoken to him, screamed at him for no reason but it hurt me. I should have known because he did say it would before I kissed him. He said no then. I shouldn't have done it. But...I couldn't help it..." he said, eyes welling up again. Tristen smiled sadly at him and sighed.

"I know how you feel, Nick, I do. But you need to show or tell him you don't hate him because it'll destroy him. I could talk to him if you want?" he said softly. Nick smiled and nodded gently.

"Could you? It might help me decide what I'll say to him," Tristen smiled, stood and left his desk and headed for the restaurant. Nick sat in his chair and thought things over.

Brian was now sitting in the far left corner, by the window. Simply staring out of it as if nothing was even there. A waitress came over and gave him latte and began to take his food order. Simple macaroni cheese. She smiled and went away again. Tristen spotted him and made his way past customers and staff, the occasional 'Hello Tristen!' from some of the male staff. When he got to Brian's table, he stood there by the empty seat oppostie the dirty-blonde teen. He didn't sit down at all, waiting to be told to. Manners. Brian looked up at him and sighed, and looked at his hands on the table.

"Have you come to yell at me as well? If you have, can we wait until I've eaten?" he said softly and looked back up at the gorgeous clerk. Tristen had never been this close to Brian before and now saw why Nick really did like him. He was cute.

"No, I haven't Mr Littrell, I have merely come to talk to you on behalf of Nick and maybe help in a way. May I sit?" he asked sweetly and Brian nodded. Tristen sat down and smiled at Brian who began to look out the window again. Tristen could take as long as he liked to talk now, he had finished for the day and when Nick had come down to him, was in the process of waiting for his lover. Who was late. Again.

"Ok, Nick as you know, is very upset but it's not entirely focused on you, he blames himself as well for doing what he did after you had said no. He knows it's his own fault and also knows how much he has hurt you. The reason why he hasn't spoken to you since is because he hasn't collected his thoughts and knows if he doesn't, he'll only shout at you again and say something he might regret. Give him time, he will talk to you," he said softly and Brian sighed again. The waitress came over again and asked Tristen if he would like his usual cappucino, he thanked her and she went away yet again.

"I still can't believe how bad this really is. I blame myself for kissing him in the first place. I sparked it all off and now look what it's done. I should have known better...he's a minor. It's not fair on either of us. I don't think he knows how sorry I am but...I will give him his time. Keep sleeping on the couch." he said sadly, now finding his fingers interesting. Tristen smiled softly again and waited for Brian to talk again. Which he didn't for a very long time. Tristen had all day and so he sat with him until he was ready to face an empty hotel room again. When something good happens, something bad will happen. Even if it is not related to the good thing. You can't have pleasure without pain. Everything happens for a reason.

Chapter Sixteen.

Tristen and Brian sat in the restaurant for well over an hour, talking about lovers, how to sort things out between Nick and Brian. Brian made a very good, truthful friend within Tristen which right now, is what he needed the most. Meanwhile, Nick had moved to the couches on the other side of the lobby, thinking. He now decided for himself that nothing like that should ever happen again, even if it torments him. At least, not until he's around 18 anyway. It'd get to complicated and they'd keep hurting each other and besides, if Kevin found out...well, he really didn't want to think about that. Nick was brought out of his little world when a very flustered looking man ran into the lobby and slammed his breaks on at reception.

"Oh shit! Tell me he's not gone? Please tell me he hasn't?!" he asked frantically. He was around 5'11", dark hair that just settled on his shoulders, tanned skin and from what Nick had seen he had big, deer-like eyes. The colour he hadn't see yet. He looked spanish but the american accent was too thick to say if he was or not. He was gorgeous. He seemed to be panicking as the lady at the desk wasn't giving him the answer he had wanted, obivously. Nick felt confident in the fact that he knew who was, so he raised his voice.

"Excuse me sir? But is your name Kayle?" he asked shyly as those big eyes settled on him, a warm smile graced his features as he made his way over to Nick, sitting in front of him.

"Yeah, yeah it is. Do I know you?" he asked softly, his bangs, level with his jaw line, swung forward when he titled his head forward to speak. The way he was sat was as though he wasn't bothered by Nick at all, like he didn't mind him talking. He had his forearms on his bent knees, hands together and leaning forward. His eyes were the brightest green Nick had ever seen...absolutely gorgeous. No wonder Tristen was marrying him!

"Um no, but I know Tristen," he answered, a smile escaping him. Kayle's eyes went huge and he smiled again.

"You do? Wow! But...do you know where he is?" he asked carefully, as not to scare Nick at all. He looked so fragile, so worried, confused.

"Yeah, but he's kinda busy right now though...he's helping me...I'm in a bit of a predicament you see," he said, flicking his own hair out his eyes. Kayle nodded in acknowledgement, eyes softening gradually.

"What's wrong...if you don't mind me asking?"

"Um, well, I'm 14 and my best friend is 19 and we kinda kissed...and now he's put a stop to it, which is right but...I've treated him really badly since then, but it was my fault he had to stop it. I didn't listen when he said 'no', so...it's my own fault I got hurt, I just didn't listen and now he thinks I hate him, but I don't! Really I don't! I hope I didn't hurt him too badly...hope he doesn't hate me," he finished quietly, sadly. Kayle looked at him with sad eyes, full of support. Just like Tristen would. Kayle got off his couch and sat next to Nick, putting a supportive hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry little man. These things happen for a reason...don't dwell on something that has happened which you can't change, just take it in your stride...move on, but don't rush to fast. Give it time to heal and see what happens then yeah? You'll be fine, both of you. And I'm sure he doesn't hate you, probably thinks you hate him though so...make up before you get hurt more?" he said softly and smiled again, Nick smiled back.

"Thanks..."

"No problem...?" he asked...as if for his name. He'd forgotten to introduce himself.

"Nick, sorry...Nick," he said apologetically. Kayle smiled again and stood up to look at something pinned to the notice board. Tristen chose that moment to come back into the lobby with Brian, who now looked a lot better. Nick smiled and waved. Tristen smiled and spotted his lover browsing articles and decided to sneak up on him. Carefully, he pressed himself aginst his back and said in a very deep voice,

"Excuse me sir, but I believe you are looking for moi?" Kayle spun round and smirked before kissing him gently, not caring who saw. Brian gave Nick a 'sorry' look and got one back, if more innocent. Kayle let go of Tristen and held his hand.

"Guys this is Kayle...who is almost 2 hours late," he said with a disaproving tone. The latter grin sheepishly.

"Didn't mean to be babe, I swear! I have no real excuse to why I am late but just know that I am really, really, really sorry!" he said, clearly sorry. Tristen gave him 'the look' before hugging him tightly, smiling at Nick before hugging Brian then Nick.

"He feels bad, talk to him honey...gotta go have some...fun hehehe. See you tomorrow!" he whispered, kissed him on the cheek, winked and ran out the door with his husband-to-be in tow. Brian looked at Nick who stared back...

"I'm so sorry!" they said together, then laughed.

"C'mon, lets go back upstairs...and talk," Nick said, heading for the elevator with Brian following. Help comes from the most unlikely source but it's never unwanted now is it?

Chapter Seventeen.

The silence during the elevator ride was thick, so terribly thick. Nick began to fidget just after the 1st floor, twisting his fingers together and swaying to side to side. Brian couldn't do anything but control himself and stare straight ahead at the doors. It took all of his will power not to hug Nick and kiss him deeply and it was hard for him to stay glued to the spot. The bell chimmed at their floor and the boys both sighed in relief as the elevator slowed to a stop. As they exited, their shoulder clashed and Brian stopped in his tracks, faked a smile as he let Nick pass into the corridor. Brian squeezed his eyes shut tightly, regulated his breathing the best he could before he regained his composure and followed the tall teenager to their room. Nick, in his nervousness, couldn't pass the key card through the lock slow enough for the light to go green.

"Here," came the thick voice behind him. Nick visibly shook from head to toe when Brian placed his hand over his and swiped the card through the lock. The door unlocked and Nick cursed it mentally when Brian let go of his hand and walked into the room. Nick sighed and followed him, getting his shaking under control before it was noticable. Brian went straight for the small kitchen and got a glass of water while Nick shut the door and sat down on the small couch. For 10 solid minutes they stayed like that, Nick staring at the floor on the couch while Brian took sips out of a now empty glass, watching Nick.

"Sh-shouldn't we um... talk now?" came the shy voice from the couch and for the life of him, Brian couldn't stop his feet from moving to the couch. Brian sat down at the other end of the couch like he was programmed to, staring at the wall opposite while Nick froze. His hearbeat sped up at the closeness of the other teen, the smell of him and the heat radiating from his body. Really, the couch was that small that even at each end of the couch they were still only a few inches apart. Brian tuned in on Kevin and AJ's voice next door... singing while Howie played a beat on something. He then tuned in on the noise in their room... the silence was deafening. He couldn't stand it.

"Nick, I am sorry, so damn sorry! I am sorry for being here, for being your best friend who can't seem to keep his hands off you one minute and then tell you to get of him. For hurting you when it was me who couldn't handle you and I shouldn't have done that, I should have stopped it before I could hurt you. But I let you carry on, knowing that I couldn't have you and than I had to stop it. It was going to hurt you and I still did it! God damnit! Why I am so fucking selfish?!" he yelled, standing up sharply and running a shaky hand through his hair. Nick on the other hand was rigid on the couch, the words sinking in slowly. He swallowed a few times, his throat drying up out of fear but still, he wanted to put everything right.

"Brian? Bri? I don't think you're selfish... it was me too... I shouldn't have done that, I really should know better and for that I am very, very sorry and I swear to you I won't do it again. Let's be friends again? I don't wanna hurt you anymore and I know I am before you say anything, so lets try and forget about what happened... besides, it never really got to 'deep' did it? We'll be ok Bri..." he said, standing up and walking to his older friend, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I hope so Nicky... I hope so," came the reply as Brian turned around to face the younger boy, smiling softly. Nick touched his face lightly and smiled as he left to make himself a drink. Brian sighed and sat on the floor by the balcony, the breeze imitating Nick's touch on his cheek. He felt the tears sting his eyelids and he got up quickly, walked right past Nick without a glance and slammed the bathroom door shut, locking himself in.

"Brian?! Are you ok?" Nick asked, tapping the door with his index finger. No answer came so he sat down in front of the door and waited, sipping his OJ. He began to sing after a while. Brian froze and stopped biting the toilet roll to muffle his sobs, listening.

"Don't wanna lose you now, baby I know we can win this. Don't wanna lose you now, no no, or ever again! God I SUCK at this... I'll never do well at the song writing side of this business Bri!" he called through the door and Brian couldn't help but smile. He'd store that away for future reference. He wiped away the tear streaks on his cheeks and stood up, looking in the mirror he sighed. 'I'll never be able to be his friend will I? I can't do that... Just friends? Impossible!' he thought as he splashed water on his face to hide the fact that he had been crying. He dried his face off and unlocked the door.

Nick looked up from his place on the floor and smiled softly when Brian opened the door enough for him to see his pink face. Nick wasn't so stupid that he couldn't tell he had been crying. He got up off the floor, leaving his glass there, and smiled warmly into Brian's face.

"I can't do this," Brian whispered, his voice breaking again. Nick's face crumpled up at that so he pulled Brian close and cuddled him.

"I know... I can't do it either, it's too painful," he sighed back, strong hands holding him tightly around the middle. Brian let out a sob as he buried his face in Nick's shoulder and held him tighter, soft hair tickling his ear. Nick closed his eyes and began to break the embrace to look at Brian. He didn't look very good, tear streaked face and messy hair. This was killing him.

"Nicky... I'm so sorry for doing this to you..." he choked out, his breath hitching with each sob. Nick frowned a little.

"Shhhh Bri..." he said, wiping a stray tear away with his tumb and kissing Brian's cheek. Brian stiffened at the feel of those lips on his skin again. This wasn't fair! He went to pull away only to have those lips on his own, wide blue eyes staring at him. He melted right into Nick, kissing him softly before Nick took it further and kissed him back harder, more demanding. Brian sobbed again and broke the kiss, kissing Nick's face all over before attacking his lips again.