Count Down to the End
By Vicki © 2005


He could hardly believe it, it was just days before their wedding and suddenly she was telling him things were over. He didn’t understand what had happened or even what had gone wrong. Jason Sanders was the average guy he barely even noticed that she had even paid him much attention but Danielle Sanchez did, and for that they’d fallen in love and were about to be married. But suddenly things had changed and she had called it off. He didn’t understand what had gone wrong. For almost an hour he’d been sitting there at the table holding the 9mm gun and looking at the over turned picture.
“ I thought things would be easier.” He whispered as he ran his fingers over the gun he held. He thought ending his life would be easier because she had already torn out his heart.
“ Just pick up the gun and be done with it. But I guess I am a coward.” Jason said to himself again. He still didn’t understand why she’d left him, she’d told him but yet things didn’t add up. He looked around his once beautiful apartment, just a short time before he’d taken a baseball bat to everything and now it looked like a war zone. Like someone had come in and robbed them. Someone had, they’d robbed him of the woman he loved.
“ I love her.” He whispered speaking what his mind was already thinking. He wondered what she’d say if she found him dead in the apartment, would she be sad? Would she care at all? He remembered how they’d met in school.


Jason Sanders wasn’t the most popular guy in school but he wasn’t the least popular either. People knew who he was and most said hi while he was walking down the hallways to class. But it was one day in the hall during his sophomore year that he noticed her. Danielle Sanchez was new to the school and seemed to have gotten everyone’s attention right away. She was beautiful, long dark hair, a beautiful tan and the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen. He could have sworn he could have gotten lost in them just by looking at her. He wanted to meet her, wanted to talk to her. But somewhere inside of him he was shy.
He remembered their first date, their first kiss even the night he proposed over the candle light dinner. Everything seemed perfect for them. Until just today. Today seemed to be the worst day of his life. Everything had gone wrong.

He could clearly see her standing there, tears filled her eyes as she looked at him.
“ I’m sorry I can’t marry you.” She said as she handed him the ring. He looked down at the ring and then back up at her.
“ What?” He asked, disbelief filled his voice.
“ I just can’t.” She said grabbing her purse and leaving the apartment. That’s when he sat down and thought about it. He wasn’t sure what he’d done wrong but things had taken a strange turn. Things hadn’t been the way they should have. Things had gone wrong.

at him.
“ I’m sorry I can’t marry you.” She said as she handed him the ring. He looked down at the ring and then back up at her.
“ What?” He asked, disbelief filled his voice.
“ I just can’t.” She said grabbing her purse and leaving the apartment. That’s when he sat down and thought about it. He wasn’t sure what he’d done wrong but things had taken a strange turn. Things hadn’t been the way they should have. Things had gone wrong.



Now he sat alone in his ransacked apartment. The gun still in his hand. He’d been thinking for nearly an hour to see what he could do. The hour before was the realization that she was gone. Now he was thinking about what to do, should he kill himself and end it all or should he do nothing. The gun seemed like the likely choice. He could end his pain and end all that had caused him what had been done. But would it make him feel any better knowing that Danielle would blame herself.
“ She should.” He whispered to himself, his voice full of anger. He knew that somewhere deep in his heart he was angry at her for calling off the wedding a few days before they were to be wed. But then there was the part of him that loved and cared for her more than anything in the world. His world as full of conflicted feelings and he wasn’t sure what to do. He admitted that he loved her, but in someway he hated her for what she’s done.
“ I hate her.” He said as he slowly stood. There on the stand was the only thing he hadn’t broken, a picture of the two of them. Taken last fall during one of their vacations. He looked at her smile, the look of love in her deep brown eyes, the laughter that shown behind her eyes. He then looked again and thought it was as if she was laughing at him, with a deep growl he toss the picture across the room and watched the glass frame shatter against the far wall. The contents falling to the floor. He looked around and began picking up things and tossing them yet again. His anger had come to a boiling point and he was about to explode. Finally he fell to the floor and cried again. That was all he did lately was cry and scream. His anger was beyond anything he’d ever seen and he wanted to end the hurt that was being held deep in his heart. Moving to the table he sat down again. He picked up the gun once more and placed it against his forehead. Maybe pulling the trigger would be easier, his pain would stop. But instead he just sat there.
“ I’m a coward.” He said. “ That’s why she left me.” But even he wasn’t sure why she had gone. He really wanted to know what he’d done wrong that caused her to wait till the last minuet to call of their wedding. He’d worked so hard.

Working two jobs to pay for the wedding of her dreams. She had been planning the wedding since he’d proposed nearly six months before. But they had to wait a little longer. Their budget wasn’t fit to handle the large lavish wedding she had already starting planning. So he’d picked up a second job. Coming home sometimes late in the evening and sliding into bed with her only to leave a few hours later. He wondered if she really wanted such a large wedding. And their fighting would become more intense the more he asked her about it. He knew that their fighting was due to the wedding and due to him not being home as often as she’d like. But yet she liked the money from the second job, it was paying for the wedding of her dreams. But yet he felt that it wasn’t the wedding he wanted. He just wanted to marry her, he didn’t care about the lavish settings or even what was being served at the reception dinner. Things had seemed to get out of perspective from the life they had planned together. Somewhere their love had been lost in the shuffle of finding friends and family. Now he wondered if it wasn’t that family had been lost or even love but that they’d been lost in the shuffle and hurry of the wedding plans. He hated her now, she was the reason he was feeling the way he was. Things inside of him told him that he should love her, but other things told him that his pain and anger was her fault and killing himself would make her pay for what she’d done to him. Looking at the gun once again he wondered if he should do it or not, could he even do it knowing all those that he was leaving behind. But it would serve her right for what she’d done to him. All of this was her fault all of it was. And that’s what his head kept telling him as he pressed the gun to his head once again.


* A/N This story is an idea from a friend, he couldn't put into words what he wanted. Now I have. *

He could clearly hear the radio playing in the background. Tears filled his eyes as the tune started and he could hear Steve Warner singing Two tear drops. Something about that song seemed to bring new tears to his cheeks. He knew that Danielle was happy but something wasn’t right and wondered what was wrong. He’d been sitting in the apartment alone for nearly three hours. And there he sat wondering what he’d done, why hadn’t he done it. He could hear the part of the song that said of a tear of sorrow and born of rejection. He wondered if that was what he was feeling right then. He wondered if he could find his way from the dark tunnel that it felt like he had gone into. He held the gun closer to his head and closed his eyes. He heard the sound of a key in the lock and looked to see Danielle standing there looking at him, her eyes wide with fear as she saw the gun pressed to his temple.
“ Jason?” She asked in disbelief that he was even sitting there with his gun.
“ What?” He asked thinking she was returning to take more of her things. But he could see she’d yet to move from her spot in the doorway. Her face full of fear and terror.
“ Jason what are you doing?” She asked walking into the room. She slowly moved towards him.
“ Ending the pain.” He said as tears rolled down his cheeks. She could see he was hurting because of the breaking off of the wedding.
“ Please don’t.” She said touching his arm. Jason jerked away from her and held the gun to his head. His hand shook as he turned up his dark eyes to look into hers. He could see that she was afraid of what he was about to do.
“ Why not? You don’t love me anymore.” He spat at her. His words hurt her as much as hers had hurt him. Danielle needed time, the time it had been for her to rush from the apartment. She’d left him standing there calling her name, asking why. Yet all she had done was gotten into her car and left him. She had turned the corner and looked in her rear view mirror and could tell that he wasn’t following her. Stopping several blocks away she let the tears run down her cheeks. She did love him, but she felt that their love had grown cold, he was always working and never home and the mention of the wedding only started a fight. Fighting seemed to be the only thing they had done lately. She wasn’t even sure he loved her any more. She felt that calling it off before he could was better for them both. She had just never expected him to feel this way.

“ Please Jason talk to me.” Danielle said sitting down across from him. His hands still on the gun as his dark eyes followed her own. She could see that he wasn’t sure of what to do, but she wanted him to talk her.
“ About what?”
“ About all of this about us. Please.”
“ You’ve made it perfectly clear that there isn’t an us.” Jason said looking at her.
“ I made it clear the wedding was off. I never said there was no us. Jason what happened to us?”
“ You let our wedding take over your life. You barely noticed I was around so when I picked up the second job you didn’t even seem to notice.” Jason said letting the gun rest on the table, with his hand still on it.
“ I guess I did get caught up in the wedding. I am sorry about that. But a wedding is a big deal.”
“ All I wanted was something that would make you my wife, to be in my life. Something that let me declare my love for you to the entire world. But you let it become more than that.” Jason said. Danielle looked at him with disbelief, could he be feeling this bad? Could she have let everything get so out of hand that she stopped noticing him.
“ God Jason I never noticed. I am so sorry.” She said pleading with him.
“ You didn’t see anything. All you wanted was the perfect dress, the perfect place the perfect everything. The only thing I wanted was you.” Jason said.
“ I know that now. Please forgive me. Please understand that I wanted you as well but I wasn’t seeing it that way. We can get married. We can just do it without the big party and just be together.” She said touching his hand. She could feel his hand tense on the gun that was under it.
‘ Your just saying this because you don’t want my death on your conscious.”
“ No, please. I love you.” Danielle said looking into his eyes. Her eyes pleading with his to understand. She wanted to see how she’d felt these last few hours. How she felt that leaving him was breaking her heart as much as it was breaking his. She wanted him to see that her love for him was true and firm. She hated leaving him but she needed to, she needed to find herself before the plans, the people and the hurt took over. Leaving him was a mistake that now she knew would have haunted her for the rest of her life. What would have happened had she been just a few minuets later. She looked around the mess that once was their happy home, would she have found him dead there at the table or on the floor. Would she have found him before he’d died, or would it have been after he’d been dead a while, these thoughts ran through her mind like a race wondering what would have happened. Her own mind and heart blaming her for what had gone on there, the pain he’d felt and the hurt he’d felt and the anger that had been caused by the things that had been said by the two of them when she was leaving. She walked through the mess on the floor and turned up the radio and turned and faced him, her arm out stretched to him. Her face red from the tears that had threatened to fall if she didn’t hold him close. Jason stood leaving the gun on the table and moved into her waiting arms. She held him close as they danced slowly to the song that was playing on the radio, a song that was to be played at their very wedding. She held him as he started crying, their life there on the floor in shambles, had their life come to this? She wasn’t sure, but she knew that at this moment their lives had taken a different turn, that they were closer than they’d ever been, were truly in love.