A Question of Life by Jaded Fae
Summary: Nick and Kevin muse about life.
Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters: AJ, Kevin, Nick
Genres: Angst
Warnings: None
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1962 Read: 760 Published: 09/29/05 Updated: 09/29/05

1. Short story by Jaded Fae

Short story by Jaded Fae
Hello my holligans...I've returned. I promise I'll have another chapter of Impalpable up soon. School started so it's taking control of my life... LoL.

I started this story about a month ago and finished it last night. It sprung from a conversation with my brother, my father, and I. Do tell me what you think!!

Love ya butt heads!!

-Carpe Diem!!-


A Question of Life


The air is heavy as I walk the streets. It's still and damp, plastering my blond hair against my forehead. I can feel the sweat as it drips down my nose and upper lip and my shirt is soaked from the sweat also. I'd be worried about my appearance if it weren't for all the other people walking around looking just like me.

I cram my hands deep into my pockets, jingling change with every step I take. I'm alone, having ditched my bodyguard some blocks back and the New York City night is tempting me.

Pulling my baseball cap from the back pocket of my jeans I place it low over my eyes and walk past the fans. It's much too late and still so crowded that their tired eyes won't see me as I observe. My stomach twists as I watch briefly as they sleep in sleeping bags. They are holed up in barricades, some still awake talk wearily in the early hours of the morning. A few are in front of the Mega Store but the rest are around the block. I see numbers on the wrists of those who got here early enough. They lay uncomfortably in the city heat, trying to rest as much as possible.

It's hard to imagine that they are here for us. Sleeping on dirty city sidewalks for hours and hours just to get a chance to touch our hands and get an autograph. I recognize a few from earlier in front of our hotel. One girl sleeps next to her friends, her heavy body dirty and heaving. She poked fun at my shirt before, when I was with Rob and wasn't able to sign anything. She did it to get my attention, so I gave her a smile and a handshake and now here she is, still in sleep, sweating and looking weary from the day. One of her friends moans and turns over. I recognize her also.

I fear that they will wake up, so I move briskly on. My night brigade not nearly over.

I can't sleep. Even in the comfort of my air conditioned hotel room. I can't help but walk. Wondering why these girls would risk it all just for a moment in our eyes. Why are we so great to them? Why me? I've done nothing but disappoint them. And it kills me to think that still they linger on me. On us. Waiting five years to receive word of another album. We're but a brief passing moment in time. We're not important. We make music, that's all. Yet somehow they find us big enough to sleep on New York City sidewalks.

I round the corner and walk into an all night cafe. All I want is some bottled water, but to show the clerk I'm considering ordering food or a mocha latte I glance at the menu as I hydrate myself. I'm tempted to buy out all their water and place it by the fans who look so thirsty in their fumbled sleeps, but I don't. Instead I continue to sip, my sweat drying up in the chilly AC.

I feel the booth cushion dip as next to me, someone sits. I glance up and it's Kevin. He runs his hand over his shaved head and looks at me. I offer him my water and he takes a drink, pausing to wipe his mouth and taking more. He swallows and says in the deep voice I have always known him to have, "Are you okay?"

I furrow my brow and look down, choosing my words carefully. "Yeah, just felt like walking."

"You ditched security. And Marcus just called me to say he saw you by the fans."

I can feel my face drain, "He saw me?"

He sighs and looks down at his hands, picking at his nails, "If they woke up you could've caused major mayhem."

"I know."

"That's the problem Nick, you know but you don't care."

I inhale and look slowly away. If only he knew just how much I cared.

"I'm sorry."

I can see him nod from the corner of my eye. "Did I wake you up?" My mouth twists into a frown.

"No, I was up."

"Oh."

I can hear him breathing as he sits there. His body inhaling deep and exhaling slowly. "I worry about them."

"The fans?"

He nods, "Yeah. I don't like this city at night."

"But the police are watching them."

"That doesn't matter. They shouldn't be there. We're not important enough for them to risk their safety over." He looks almost angry, the hard contours in his face stretching thin over his frown. But then his face softens. "Why were you by the fans Nick?"

"Same reason why you're still up at two in the morning. Only I just happened to wander over by them."

He nods, his face serious. "Why do they look at us, five guys who chase dreams, and worship us, like we're gods? I don't get it."

I look up at the tired waitress wiping the counter down. "Because they're chasing dreams also."

"Is all that we ever do? Chase dreams?" His lips turn thin in thought, "That whole 'what's the meaning of life' thing," he waves his hand around, "is it chasing dreams?"

"No." I pull the water from his hands and sip it. "The meaning of life..." I pause, mulling the words over in my mind.

"What are we chasing? What are we searching for?"

"Answers."

"What?" He intense eyes are weighing my words.

I lean back and place my hands on the table, palms facing down. "We are on a constant search, a chase if you will, for answers. Any answer. It doesn't matter what the question is, we just want answers." He is quiet and I fear I've lost him. Or sounded incredibly stupid as usual. I press on quickly, "Like now, we're up at two in the morning when we know we've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow all because we need to know the answer as to why the fans are risking their lives for us." I turn my hands so the palms are facing up. I close them tightly then open them, showing that they are empty. I have given Kevin all I had to offer.

"And when we find out the answer? Then what?"

"There's always another question."

He looks saddened by this. "Is there ever an end?"

"Yes," I whisper, "Death."

We are both quiet, shocked by the revelations we have sought after and found. Around us people are walking and talking and eating and drinking. Going about their lives as usual, unaware of all else but this current moment. In the corner of the room, seated alone at a booth, is an old ugly woman dressed solely in black. I feel shivers mount my spine looking at her. Why is she up so late? She is looking at me so I quickly turn away. Next to me Kevin is slowly pealing the label off of the bottle, scratching at the glue that held it together and pulling it apart.

"And the dream chasing? What about that?" He looks at me.

"Well, without chasing dreams we wouldn't have anywhere to go, and without anywhere to go we wouldn't have any questions to find answers to."

"When did you get so smart?" He is smiling.

"About five minutes ago."

"And how did this happen?"

"I had a pretty good teacher." He laughs and lightly shoves me.

"You have an answer for everything."

I take the bottle from his hands and rip the rest of the label off of it. "No, not quite."

"Holy SHIT it's hot out!" I turn my head quickly to the sound of the familiar voice. "Kaos! Richardson!" It's A.J., pulling haughtily at his black tank and sliding into the booth. "What're you two freaks up to?"

"Talking."

"Fun." He orders a bottle of water and starts picking at the black paint on his nails. I'm reminded of the old woman and look up, trying to spot her in the cafe.

"I suppose there'd be no use in life if you did know all the answers." Kevin has not yet left our conversation. I can't say much, neither have I.

"Yeah. That would constitute death, wouldn't it?" I look to the corner where the old woman in black was and see her not there. From the corner of my eye I spot her as she leaves, her last glance in the cafe directed at me. She nods her head at me, as if to say, 'all is well' and leaves. And I realize: death is not the end of the questions; It's the beginning of the answers.

"What are you guys talking about?" A.J.'s soft brown eyes are filled with confusion.

"Questions, answers, the great mystery of life!" Kevin says, his arms up and indicating the world. He grins, "Life is life is life is life." I smirk at the statement. "The question is life and the answer is life."

"Your point?" Shaking his head A.J. sighs, not understanding.

I answer for Kevin, "There is no point. To have a point, or rather to discover the point, is to die. And we're not ready for that yet."

"You guys are weird." He stands and pays the waitress for the water. "Anyway I was sent here to retrieve you two loons. I'm on a mission. I must not come back empty handed or Marcus will have my head."

"And such a pretty head it is!" Kevin snatches off his hat and attempts to give him a noogie but A.J. is too quick and darts out of his grasp.


We begin to walk back to the hotel, our three bodyguards following us like protective shadows.

"Life is life is life is life." A.J. mumbles, "damn."

Kevin nods, "yeah. Damn."

"I get it now, kind of. Still have some questions about your theory of life being the question and answer."

"Exactly," I say.

He gives me a weird look and smiles. "You know what Carter; if you weren't acting strange I'd be worried."

"Gee thanks." We pass the fans and see them beginning to rise. It's nearly three and the cops are making them move to the front of the store. Their sleepy bodies groan as they stand, gathering their personal items and moving.

"Poor things..." A.J. frowns, "I feel so bad."

"They'll be okay," Kevin says slowly, "They're not stupid. Our fans do one thing right: they watch out for each other."

For the next two blocks we are silent, wading through our thoughts. I wipe away the drops of sweat that have formed at my brow and look at Kevin. "And what about tomorrow?"

A.J. looks up from the sidewalk in quiet agreement to what I have asked.

"More questions." Kevin says, "Tomorrow holds more questions." I nod in understanding.

"Bring it on."

-END-
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