Chapter One



“I thought the movie was really good.” Jenn said trying to fill the silence. They had been in the limo for almost five
minutes without saying anything. Kevin looked at her from across the vehicle, but didn’t say a word. Jenn took a deep
breath and tried again, “Would you call the sitter and let her know that were going to be another hour or so.”

“You are really starting to get on my nerves.” Kevin said sounding annoyed.

Jenn just looked down at the floor, “I’m sorry, I just thought…”

“Well you thought wrong.” He said nastily. Soon after he pulled out his phone and called the house. After he talked to
the sitter he asked to speak with Matt.

Jenn just didn’t understand him. How could he be so nasty to her one second, then the next be sweetly talking to their
son. She quickly found herself remembering when times were good. Her and Kevin were so happy before they go
married, after the wedding, all through her pregnancy, and even when Matthew had come along they had the perfect
happy family. Then out of nowhere Kevin started to change. In front of their friends they seemed perfect, but in the
privacy of their own home it was far from it.

“JENNIFER!!” Kevin yelled, snapping her out of her memories.

Jenn shook her head from side to side, “Sorry, what do you need?” Jenn asked quietly.

Kevin tossed the cell phone at her, “Howie’s on the phone for you.” The look on Kevin’s face was not a happy one.

Jenn didn’t even notice it though, because she really wanted to talk to her best friend. “Hey D, we missed ya tonight.
Are you feeling any better?”

As the conversation continued on Kevin couldn’t help but feel the jealousy rage through him. He didn’t much care for his
wife’s friendship with Howie. He knew deep down inside that he shouldn’t have these kinds of feelings, but he just
couldn’t help it. Jenn’s face always seemed to light up when Howie’s named was even mentioned. Did her face light up
for him, not that he knew of. Kevin’s face held a sneer as Jenn was wrapping up her conversation.

“Alright D, you need to get back to bed now. Yeah, I love you too, bye now.” Jenn snapped the phone shut and looked
over at her husband. The look on his face was not a good one, but she just decided to ignore it. She reached over and
handed him the phone back.

Once again the Limo was filled with complete silence as they finished their trip home.

~*~*~*~
"That movie was awesome! I never knew Sara could do action like that!" Lori exclaimed as soon as she and her
husband got into the limo. "So, Alex, what party are we hitting tonight?"

"Thinking about maybe Spider club," AJ said. "You know its Suds Night there."

"God, that's so sexy!" Lori squealed with delight as she remembered that night a year ago. She loved dancing on the
dance floor covered with suds. "I can't believe it's been a year already since we met."

AJ had been out at the club on Suds Night last year. He remembered drinking with one of his buddies that lived in LA
and noticing this hot looking blonde on the dance floor. She was surrounded by all of these guys. She was covered
from heat to toe in suds and AJ couldn't get enough of her.

"I know," AJ said snapping out of his daze. He opened up the mini bar and handed her a drink. He sat down next to her
and kissed her sensually. "Seeing you in suds just gets me hot." He pushed the button on the console next to him and
the dividing window between the driver and the backseat went up. Lori giggled.

"I love it when you're spontaneous," Lori said as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him passionately.

The limo pulled up to the front of LA's infamous Spider Club and Lori and AJ stepped out of the limo. Lori fixed her hair
and they went into the club. The rest of the night was a blur of drunkenness and sex. Lori and AJ were not shy about
their sexual chemistry together. They were in their own world, which included drinking, partying to all hours of the
night, sex, and even the occasional drug use.

Back at the hotel, they had their usual all-nighter and passed out between the hours of four and five the next morning. It
was a typical night for the McLean family.

~*~*~*~*~


“Sara! Brian!” The yells of photographers came from every end as America’s newest sweethearts emerged from the
theater.

The young couple smiled, held hands and allowed pictures to be taken as was proper etiquette of the famous. Be happy.
Be the actor that you’re supposed to be. Though, an inevitable sigh was breathed from both of them as they neared
their limo and a reporter caught up with them.

“We’re here with Sara Taylor-Littrell as she’s about to leave the premiere of her new movie, “Crazy”, with husband and
Backstreet Boy Brian Littrell.” The young woman explained to the camera over screams being heard in the distance,
indicating that Sara and Brian’s friends and costars were evacuating the theater as well.

They were stuck, as always. What did they do? Stand there and smile. Everyone loved those smiles. If they only knew…

Questions tumbled out of the woman’s mouth like wildfire and Sara found herself having to strain to pay attention to the
same things she had been answering all night. She was thankful when the reporter began to interrogate Brian.

And then she asked a question that was foreign to anything else.

“There have been rumors that you and Sara have been trying to start a family but in the process have been devastated
by miscarriages. Is this true? Will we be seeing any little Littrells around anytime soon?”

Sara tilted her head and widened her eyes in a sort of disbelief. This shit was crazy! It was bad enough that their
wedding pictures were posted everywhere online and paparazzi was like the secret service on their honeymoon, but
their personal personal lives?

Brian gave his wife a hesitant look and then took her hand again and led her down the steps and into the limo. How dare
they ask such a question! Especially when it was such a sensitive subject between the two of them right now.

It had been nine months ago when the Littrells started trying to have children, on their second anniversary. Within those
months between then and now, Sara had suffered two miscarriages and the bad news, it seemed to be Brian who was
having the trouble reproducing.

“Sar, I..I really think we should just forget it.” He spoke, seated in the opposite corner of his wife, who sat staring out the
window.

“Don’t start Brian. I don’t need to hear it right now.” She spoke in whispers, her high from the night fading quickly and
turning into a tearful emotion.

“It’s obviously not working Sara! Why don’t we just focus on our careers and then try again later?” Brian spoke a little
more forcefully.

“What are you? A damn eight ball?!” Sara wiped her eyes and looked at him. “Try again later. Don’t you understand?!
We’re 28 years old, I don’t want to be 60 when our child graduates!”

“You have so much going for you right now though, Sar. And the tour’s fixin to start..”

“Just forget it.” She reverted her eyes to look back outside the window. “I just thought we both wanted a family.”

“We don’t even know if I can have one! Damn it Sara, just blame it all on me. It’s all my fault!” Brian threw his hands up in
a dramatic defeated manner.

The brunette just shook her head, not able to look at him. Sometimes she wished they were just a normal American
couple, not famous, just in love. They both did.

But as the limo pulled up to the after party, this was not the case at all. They pasted on the smiles and filled in all the
cracks.

But how long can an actor act before the makeup washes away in the storm?

~*~*~*~*~

“Nick.” Nick Carter answered his phone lazily, his head thrown back on the seats, eyes closed.

“Nick, we have a new publicity stunt for you. You know the red carpet hates single Backstreet Boys.” The man’s voice
came through from the other end.

“Nooo…” The blonde rubbed a hand over his tired face. Sometimes he hated this life.

“C’mon Nicky! Lisa Marie? Mandy Moore? Gwen Stefani? Paris Hilton?”

“Good God! Didn’t I just tell you no? Paris Hilton?! Are you friggin nuts? The next thing you’ll have me doing is being in a
porno!” He sighed. “Just…leave me alone, ok?”

Flipping the cell phone into his back pocket, Nick stared out the window at all the stars staring back at him. He had been
the only Backstreet Boy at the premiere tonight without a wife or a girlfriend. Hell, he didn’t even have Howie. Ever since
then, he had felt lonely, leaving by himself. Nowhere to go except home.

Biting his lip, Nick reached across and grabbed a cold beer out of the small bar. He leaned back and began to evaluate
his life as he had so many times during his time off. He got nothing BUT bad press these days and, as much as he tried
to play it off, no one knew how much it really did hurt him. He had always said that as long as he had the boys and his
family that he would okay, but it hurt when he was the only one the press wanted to pick at. First it was his album flop,
then his arrest, then his family being torn apart by divorce. And it seemed to always be something.

And one day, he knew that something would push him too far.

And not even the boys could save him when it came along.

The blonde man laughed sarcastically to himself as he stepped out into his driveway. They wouldn’t expect that one,
would they? Would the media feel guilty that they were the ones to kill him? Or would they just want to speculate about
irrelevant things? Sure, they would. Nothing was ever blamed on themselves. Yet, Nick Carter was blamed for
everything that happened to him.

Sometimes the world sucked. Or maybe… it was just his world.

Chapter 2



“I just don’t think we should bring a baby into our world right now, Sar.” Brian stated dominantly for what seemed like
the hundredth time on their ride home.

“So, when is the right time, Brian? When is it convenient for you?” Sara spun around on her heel, throwing her purse
down with a spark of anger and hurt in her eyes. It was a look that Brian had been causing too much of for his liking
lately. “Ya know, ‘Cos I don’t want to intervene with YOUR plans and YOUR work.”

“Sara, it’s not that way..”

“Really? Because ever since the doctor told us that we might have to try harder to have a baby, you’ve been doing
everything NOT to have a baby.” The anger in her eyes had disappeared and had been replaced with more hurt and
sadness. She cocked her head to one side and bit her lip. “Is there another woman? Is that it? Is that why you won’t
even TOUCH me now?”

“Sweetheart,” Brian stepped forward only to have his wife step back. “I just think that with me going on tour and you,
promoting this movie, we just shouldn’t. We’re on top right now, baby…”

“So you’ve been lying to me? Last Christmas, when you said you were ready to start having a family? Six months ago,
when we lost our first baby? 3 weeks ago, when we lost…” Tears ran with mascara down her cheeks, forming black
rivers of confusion.

“No…No, Sara. How could you accuse me of lying? You know…”

“Because, Brian, you haven’t given me any reasonable excuse to believe otherwise.” She sniffed and looked away.
“What happened to OUR dreams? Living for us and loving each other? Not caring what everyone else thought?”

“Damn it Sara! Grow UP! We can’t live like that anymore! Things have gotten more serious now and we…” Brian
stopped, realizing he had spoken with rash and harshness.

He realized it when he saw her teary brown eyes shoot through his body with a look he had never seen before and
certainly never wanted to be the cause of again. Hell, it scared him.

“How…” The man watched as his wife licked her lips in that way she did when she was trying not to cry. Man, he had
done it this time. In no time, she was flying up their stairs.

“SARA! Wait…I didn’t…” Brian had followed her all the way up to their room only to have the door shut in his face.

~*~*~*~

It was 5 in the morning when Brian was sitting against a wall of the guest room that would’ve served as the nursery for
the babies they never had. He pulled out small articles of clothing and bottles and diapers. How could he let her down
like this? How could he not give the woman he loved the one thing that she really wanted? And, Dammit, why couldn’t
he just tell her he felt bad for the whole thing instead of choosing to argue with her?

A smile curved the ends of his lips as he found the baby book that Sara had already taken the liberty to fill out in the
parts she could.

He flipped through it slowly and found a page about ‘Mommy and Daddy’. The question reading, the first thing that
mommy noticed about daddy…

And there, in her prettiest handwriting, she had written :

“Those great blue eyes that gave me new life and those hands that I knew, would never let me down.”

There had been more, but he couldn’t go on. A tear dripped onto the page as he saw their wedding picture pasted to the
next page. There, underneath her answer, was a blank space. He remembered she had asked him to fill it out, but he
had always been too busy.

A feeling of regret washed over him as he gently wrapped his arms around a bear that he had bought for his future
child on tour. Not until this moment did he realize that just being home would’ve been the better gift. The interview that
weekend had been optional but he decided to go anyways. It was the same day Sara lost the baby.

There, on the hardwood floor, Brian Littrell cried himself to sleep, the bear still close to his chest.

This is how Sara found him two hours later. The picture broke her heart. They had been breaking a lot of each other
later and it hurt too much to not do something about.

But not tonight. Walking over to a pile of stuff in the corner, she pulled out a blanket and covered her husband, careful
not to wake him. Sara couldn’t bring herself to leave him there alone though. So, quietly, she laid down beside him, the
bear between the two, representing the child it seemed they would never have.

This roller coaster of emotions had to end soon. It had to end before they did.


~*~*~*~*~


Lori woke up sometime in the mid morning hours. She had remembered something about AJ saying that he wanted a
baby. She knew that he was just drunk. Like AJ would want to start a family right now. He was twenty-six, he was
having the time of his life. Lori felt the same way. She felt that she wasn't ready for that either. It was funny though
because he had never mentioned it before.

As she lay there trying to remember last night's agenda, she suddenly had this overwhelming nausea rush through
her. She ran to the bathroom, waking AJ up in the process, and emptied the contents of her stomach. She had never
felt this bad after her usual night on the town with her husband. "Baby, are you okay?" AJ's voice came from the bed.
She heard footsteps and AJ poked his head into the bathroom.

"I'll make it, Jay." Lori got up from the floor and grabbed a washcloth out of the linen closet and soaked it with cold
water. "Just not feeling so hot this morning."

"Wow. I'm surprised that you are sober. I mean, I'm still feeling it." AJ walked into the bathroom and kissed Lori on
the head. "Maybe you should come back to bed and I can make you feel better?" Lori saw the look in his eye and was
tempted.

"I can't, Jay. I think any kind of movement right now would cause major sonsequences. Thanks for the offer though."
She smiled sweetly at him and led him back to the bed. "You go back to sleep. I still have to go get things done today."
Before AJ could answer, Lori was back in the bathroom throwing up again.

AJ was getting worried. It had been a couple of hours since they had woken up and Lori was still in the bathroom. He
wanted to help her, but he knew that the alcohol had to get out of her system.

"Baby, maybe you should go to the doctor?" he asked her when they finally made it downstairs to eat. "You could have
alcohol poisoning or something."

"Jay, I'm fine. Everyone gets sick when they drink too much."

"Everyone except you. I have never seen you get sick." AJ looked at her and repeated what he said earlier. "I think
you need to go to the doctor's."

"AJ, I don't go to doctors and you know that! Just drop it!" Lori walked out of the kitchen and went into the living room.
A few seconds later, AJ heard a thud and ran into the other room.

"Baby?" He ran over and dropped to his knees. His wife was passed out on the living room floor.

Chapter 3



It was a few days before they guys were going to be leaving for the next leg of their tour. Jenn
and Kevin were sitting down to a quiet dinner. Matthew was in the corner of the room playing
with some of his toys. Both Kevin and Jenn were looking at him, just loving seeing their son
enjoying himself so much.

“So Matt, have you picked out your favorite toys to bring with you this time?” Kevin asked his
son. Matt looked happily over to his father and nodded, then quickly turned back to his toys.

Jenn looked uncomfortable as she looked over at Kevin, ‘it’s now or never.’ Jenn thought to
herself. “About that Kevin, I…I don’t think Matt and I should join you for this leg of the tour. It’s
just gonna be so long, I don’t think Matt will enjoy it.” She never even looked at him as she said
this.

“You’re coming.” Kevin didn’t even hesitate as he answered her.

“I just don’t think that it’s a good thing for Matt, even Howie thinks….” She wasn’t able to finish
her sentence.

“Does it look like I give a damn about what Howie thinks!!” Kevin’s face was a deep red,
although Jenn didn’t see it. She was too busy pushing the food around on her plate. Kevin
quickly sat up and stormed off into the kitchen with his plate.

Jenn let out a breath that she didn’t even realize she was holding. A few tears slid down her
face, but she was quick to wipe them away. She looked up as she heard Kevin reentering the
room, he didn’t even look her way, just went and sat down next to Matt.

After a few minutes of pushing her food around, she got up and headed into the kitchen. She
busied herself with cleaning up their dinner mess. As she was washing the final dishes she felt
his presence behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a few kisses on her
neck.

“I’m sorry for blowing up, but you have to come. Matt’s gonna love it. I promise.” He said softly
into her ear. She leaned back into his embrace and placed her hands on top of his.

“I still don’t have a say in this, do I.” Jenn said.

Kevin let out a breath and released his hold on her. He walked over to the fridge and grabbed a
few beers. He headed for the door leading to the living room, “No, you don’t. You are coming.”

Jenn watched him as he left the room. Tears once again appeared in her eyes as she went back
to finishing the dishes. Once she was done she went back into the living room. Kevin was
sitting on the couch, nursing his third beer and Matt was still playing in the corner. Looking at
the time, Jenn picked Matt up off the floor and took him upstairs to put him to bed.

About three hours later Kevin noticed that he should have been in bed already. Quietly he made
his way up the stairs and into his room. He noticed the light was still on as he pushed the door
open. He saw Jenn’s suitcases lining one of the walls and then looked over to their bed.

Jenn was fast asleep, but still fully clothed. As Kevin approached her he noticed that she had
been crying, the mascara lines down her face obviously showed that. Laying face down on her
chest was a framed picture, Kevin took it out of her grasp and saw it was their wedding picture.

With a frown Kevin placed the frame back on the nightstand. He situated Jenn into their bed and
pulled the covers over her form. He traced the mascara lines down her face with his thumb as
he felt tears stinging his own eyes. He quickly undressed and got into bed himself. He pulled
Jenn into his embrace, and soon fell into a dreamless sleep.

~*~*~

Nick was at his house, alone. Something he was all to familiar with. It seemed like he was always
alone. Not like he had a choice in the matter. Everytime he seemed to get cozy with a girlfriend
they would turn out to be monsters.

He thought back to the last girlfriend he had. When she had left she had called him fat. Saying
that he was too fat for her standards. Pish, her standards. But for some reason, he couldn't get
that thought out of his head.

It had been a month since she had left. He had stayed in his house just not wanting to deal with
anything. The only time he had left was to go to Sara's premiere. He almost was too afraid to go,
he had lost so much weight. He was for sure everyone would have noticed, and gotten worried
over him. Luckily for him, that night everyone was too preoccupied with themselves that no one
had noticed.

He had felt like he was now playing a game, and he was winning. Now all he thought about was
losing more weight, and seeing if anyone would notice. He was sure they wouldn't, no one paid
any attention to him anymore.

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. Looking at his cell he saw it was AJ and
decided to pick it up, "Yello."

"Hey Nicky, what’s hangin’?" AJ asked.

"Don't call me Nicky." Nick said with and exasperated sigh.

"Whatever Nicky, anyway, we're having a pre tour party and I was calling to tell you to come. It's
tomorrow, sound good?"

"Sure, whatever. I'll be there." Nick really didn't want to go, but knew that if he didn't there
would be hell to pay.

"Sweet, be here at 4. We are going to barbeque for dinner, I have some fat ass steaks for the
occasion."

At first Nick shuddered at the thought but played it off, "Can't wait Bone, but I will see ya then."
With that they said their good-byes and Nick walked into the bathroom.

Just AJ talking about food brought the urge for him to throw up right there. He felt like absolute
shit. Looking into the bathroom mirror, he didn't even recognize the man looking back at him.
His sullen face, bloodshot eyes, and his eyes even looked a little sunken in. Still to him he felt
fat. He had to loose more weight, no girl would want this.

Now reaching into his medicine cabinet he pulled out three pill bottles. Each of them some kind
of weight loss drug. He swallowed 2 pills from each bottle and placed them back into their
proper places. He knew deep down that this was not a good thing, but he couldn't control it. As
he walked out of the bathroom his last thought was, "God, help me."

Chapter 4

“Y’all are coming to the party, right?” AJ asked taking his sunglasses off and setting them down on the table.

“When?” Kevin asked sounding annoyed, as usual.

“Today at four. Let’s just say that it’s a little pre-tour celebration,” AJ joked. “Everyone has to come. It’s a barbecue
and Lori’s trying to make a desert. Don’t know how that will turn out, but be prepared to get drunk and ready to party.”

“Thank you, Mrs. McLean.” The delivery driver turned around and walked away.

“I swear I can’t cook for shit,” Lori muttered to herself. “That’s what caterers are for.” She smiled to herself and took
out the assortment of deserts and finger foods. She set them up on the table outside and then waited on her husband
to get home from the meeting.

The party was going rather nicely. Nick and Howie were the only ones that didn’t bring a date. Lori and AJ were excited
about making their announcement that night. No one else knew about it. Hell, they’ve only known about it for a couple
of days. It also seemed to Lori that no one even noticed that she wasn’t drinking.

“Lori, are you going on tour?” Jenn asked. All of the ladies were sitting by the pool while all of the guys, with the
exception of Nick whom had disappeared, were all in the pool making fools of themselves.

“Hell no! I have better things to do with my precious time,” Lori replied. “Sara, you’re doing promo for the movie, right?”

“Um, yeah,” Sara replied. “I’m leaving that morning. Brian’s leaving for the tour, and then I’m getting on a plane.”

“I guess I will be the only female then. That sucks.” Jenn took another drink of her Pepsi and sighed.

“Why are you even going?” Lori asked. “I mean, won’t it be difficult with Matt?”

“Yeah, but Kevin is kind of making me go,” Jenn replied quietly. “Believe me. I would stay home with Matt.” She looked
at Kevin in the pool and then back down to the ground.

“He’s making you go?!” Lori exclaimed loudly. Kevin looked over in her direction. “What a fucking asshole!” Lori was
yelling these things out across the backyard and everyone was staring at her. Jenn just slunk down in her chair. “Look
girl, you got to show him who wears the pants in the family. Say, fuck you Kevin. I’m going to do what I want, when I
want. Isn’t that right, Baby?” AJ had walked past the girls at that point and nodded his head.

Sara giggled and Jenn smiled. She knew that she was going to be bitched at later that night.

“Nick? Why aren’t you in the pool with the rest of the guys?” Lori asked him when she got up to refill her cup.

“I forgot my swimsuit,” Nick replied.

“AJ has tons of them. Do you want to borrow one?”

“Um, yeah right. Like my fat ass will fit into his suit.” Nick laughed and continued to look at the ground.

“Well, AJ likes everything baggy. It won’t be a problem,” Lori replied. She noticed that Nick was acting kind of strange.

“Seriously, Lori.” Nick gave her a look that told her not to push the issue anymore.

“Here Nick. Have a drink.” Lori mixed him up a Jack and Coke extra strong, and walked off. She hoped that that would
loosen him up a little bit.

“Okay guys! Get out of the pool!” Lori yelled walking over to the edge of the pool.

“Mommy! Do we have to?” Brian whined. This raised some laughter.

“Get your asses out!” Lori yelled back at them. “AJ and I have something to say!”

Everyone gathered around Lori and AJ on the patio. “Um, well, first off. I’m glad that everyone could grace us with their
presence today.” There was some laughter, then silence again.

“We just wanted to announce that we are having a baby!” Lori exclaimed. “Can you believe it?!”

“With the way you two do it?!” Nick yelled in the background. Everyone laughed and gave them their congratulations.
Lori saw that Sara had burst into tears and ran off, Brian running after her. Now, what was that all about, she wondered.
AJ’s kiss on her neck though, brought her out of her thoughts and she was soon enveloped in the new love she felt.

Brian wrapped a towel around his waist as he quickly walked through AJ’s house, searching for his wife. Boy, was he in
for it now.

He found her sitting on the front porch, biting her lip with those familiar tears washing her face. The man wasn’t sure
what to do. Maybe Sara needed to be alone but maybe she needed him. Brian ended up following his instincts and
walking out to join her.

“Hey…” He whispered, his right hand twisting his wedding band around.

She only nodded to acknowledge him and then stared straight out into yard. There was so much in her head that she
wanted to say to him, tell her how she felt. But, he knew. Brian knew her better than anyone. Of course, lately, she had
been having her doubts.

“I thought you said y’all weren’t goin’ to start families until after the tour. That’s why you thought we should wait.” The
silence had to be broken and it was the first thing that came into her mind. Sara found that she couldn’t look at him
though. If she looked at him, her heart would break all over again.

“They didn’t do it on purpose, Sar. You know AJ and Lori, always doing it.” He sat down beside Sara.

“When was the last time we made love, Brian?” She asked unexpectedly, still not looking at him.

“What? I don’t.. know.. I..”

“Isn’t that sad?” Her brown eyes looked dully at him. “Isn’t it sad that you can’t even remember the last time? Isn’t it
even worse that you don’t really miss it?”

“Sara…Don’t…”

“You don’t Brian! You haven’t even kissed me in the longest time. You know, kisses that meant something, that weren’t
just to satisfy the public.” She shook her head and pulled her knees to her chest, looking back out into the yard. “I miss
you.”

“I’ll be home in a few weeks though, honey.” His eyes narrowed at the imaginary sun. Truth is, he didn’t want to cry. Not
now. He knew that wasn’t what she meant. Why did he keep purposely hurting her like that? He wasn’t sure anymore.
Bad habit.

“You don’t get it, do you?” Sara looked down to play with her toe ring. “I.. I just want to know what happened to MY Brian.
You know, the guy that would stop anything just to make me happy. That would leave random notes on the pillow or kiss
me at the weirdest moments. The one…the one that made me fall in love with him everytime he looked at me in that
goofy way, like we were sharing some kind of secret.”

Brian wrapped an arm around her. “Baby, once this tour is over, we can…”

“NO! We can’t!” She jerked away and stood abruptly. “I just wanna know one thing, Bri. What does work have that I don’
t?”
“Nothing, Sara.” He shook his head, standing with her. Desperation was audible in his voice now, as much as he didn’t
want it to be.

“Oh yeah they do, Brian.” A sarcastic smile crossed her voice as new tears welled up in her eyes. “They have you.” She
blinked. “The only thing I wanted to have the most of.”

With that, she turned and left Brian standing on the porch, his mind spinning in a million different directions. Where had
her Brian gone? He was standing right there, wasn’t he?

Standing there, wishing he could answer the question himself.

Jenn bid her farewells to Lori and AJ as she headed out the door. She looked towards the car to see Kevin helping
Howie into the backseat. Over the last two hours of the party, Howie had managed to get smashed. No one had ever
seen Howie get this drunk, but nobody seemed to think twice about it, except for Jenn. She knew deep down that there
had to be something bothering her best friend.

Jenn got to the passenger side door and took her seat. She turned around to see Howie half passed out across the
seats. She let out a deep sigh and returned her attention to her husband as he backed out of the driveway. At first he
had said no to driving Howie home, but Jenn had been able to convince him to.

Howie began to ramble random things which caused Kevin to roll his eyes, “Could you just shut up D.” He muttered.

“He’s drunk Kev, he’s not gonna stop. Lets just hurry up and get him to his place.” Jenn said cautiously.

The car was filled with silence from Jenn and Kevin for the rest of the ride to Howie’s. When Kevin pulled up to the
house, Jenn made the move to get out of the car. “I’ll take him inside.” Kevin said as he stepped out of the car. When
he saw Jenn step out of the car he got mad at her. “I told you I got him, you stay in the car.” He was looking at her dead
in the eyes.

The look in Kevin’s eyes caused her to back off. She angrily sat back down in her seat and waited for him to return.
When he did return she didn’t even look at him. He let out a huff when he saw she was ignoring his presence. He
quickly pulled the car into reverse and squealed out of the driveway.

“Jesus Christ, Kevin, are you trying to kill us?!” Jenn said as she was flung around in her seat.

“You really piss me off, you know that?!” Kevin exclaimed.

Jenn flinched back at his tone, “Whatever Kevin.” She didn’t even feel like talking about that at the moment.

“So tell me, what in the hell was that at the party. Telling Lori that I’m making you go on tour.” Kevin asked.

Jenn looked at him like he had grown a second head, “Well it’s the truth!” Jenn quickly yelled back in reply. She held
onto the door handle as Kevin suddenly slammed on the brakes, coming to a quick stop.

Kevin quickly put the car into park and turned to face her. Before he knew it, his hand was raised, as if to strike her.
He looked into her eyes, and saw them filled with fear. Inside his mind was telling him to hit her, but his heart was
saying the opposite. “I should really hit you right now, put you in your place. But I know if I bruise that face of yours,
your Latin lover would notice that.” Kevin said through his teeth.

Jenn looks down at the floor, “Kevin…please…” She is still tensed up, incase he is to strike her.

“Jenn just don’t…” Kevin quickly interrupts her. He turns away from her and looks back at the road ahead of him. He
doesn’t want her too see the tears that are about to fall. He just drives, not looking at her again for the rest of the trip.


"AJ, before you leave tomorrow, I would like to discuss something with you." AJ looked at his wife from the closet. She
was already in bed and he quickly joined her.
"Baby? Is something wrong?" he asked her. He put his hand on her stomach and looked at her with a worried
expression.
"Oh no AJ!" Lori laughed, hitting him with a pillow. "I knew you would get like this! Overreacting to everything
concerning this pregnancy!"
AJ smirked at her and said, "Right. Well, what do you want to talk about then?"
"Well, I was thinking that if we are going to bring a child into the world, then I think that we need to live by example.
Which means, no drinking, no drugs and no partying to all hours of the night." She looked at him and paused. He sat
there expressionless. So, she decided to continue. "I’m vowing to you that I won’t participate in that life style from here
on out, but I also need that from you." She bit her bottom lip and waited anxiously for a response from her husband. She
wasn’t sure how he would react, but she did notice that he drank a little too much at the barbecue the day before.
"Sweetheart, for you I would do it," AJ replied kissing her. "I’ll do whatever you think is best for the baby." He smiled at
her and said, "Now you better give me something that will keep me happy for the next six months." He turned off the
light and kissed Lori passionately.

The next morning, Lori woke up to the dogs barking. She tried to get up but fell right back down in the bed. "Baby?
Something wrong?" AJ muttered to her when he felt the movement beside him.
"Damn AJ. You sure know how to show a girl a good time. I’m so sore right now. I feel like we just consummated our
marriage again." Lori laughed and barely got to the bathroom before she was throwing up. "I hate throwing up."
"Comes with the territory, hon," AJ said from the other room.

Kevin was slowly brought out of his sleep by a slight shaking. Opening his eyes, he saw Matt sitting next to him on
the bed shaking him awake. When the little boy saw that his dad’s eyes were open he let out a giggle.

“Good Morning little man.” Kevin said as he sat up and pulled his son onto his lap. He ruffled his hair a little bit
causing the little boy to pull away and scrunch his nose up just like his dad. “And just how did you get out of your
bed?” Kevin asked raising one of his eyebrows. Matt slept in a crib still, seems like he might be ready for that bed
after all, Kevin thought to himself.

Matt’s eyes got really big, but he decided to get to the reason he had woken his dad up in the first place. “ I hungry,”
Matt said quickly.

“Well how about I take you downstairs and I’ll fix you something right up. But lets be quiet so we can let your
mommy sleep, ok buddy.” Kevin said as he placed his son on the floor. Matt quickly scampered out of the room as
Kevin silently slid out of the bed. He glanced over at Jenn to make sure she was still asleep, he ran his hand along
the side of her face. She leaned into his touch, but he could tell she was still asleep.

Kevin made his way out of the room, and closed the door behind him. He turned the TV on in the living room for Matt
to watch as he made breakfast. He decided that he was gonna start this day off right with his wife. They had about 3
hours till they had to leave for the airport, so he knew that he needed to get this breakfast ready fast.

He quickly made a plate of scrambled eggs and called Matt into the kitchen. Matt was soon happily eating his food
as Kevin continued to cook. “So Matt, are you all ready to leave today? I’m sure you can’t wait to play around with
your Uncle Nicky.”

“Don’t wanna.” Matt said in between bites.
Kevin looked over at his son, surprised by those words. “What do you mean buddy? You always like to go on tour
with us.”

“Makes Mommy sad.” Matt was now finished with his food. “Watch cartoons?” He asked his dad.

“Um, yeah…go ahead.” Kevin said as he let what Matt just said run through his brain. All he saw was red when the
thought that Jenn had told him to say that went through his mind. Why would she try to turn my own son against me,
he wondered to himself.

He turned the elements on the stove off and headed up to their room in a rage. He threw open the door, causing it to
bang loudly against the wall. Jenn abruptly sat up in the bed and looked at Kevin with wide eyes. He quickly made his
way to the side of the bed, grabbed her by her shoulders and started shaking her.

“Why!! Why would you do that to me??!!!” Kevin yelled.

Jenn grabbed onto his arms to try to stop the shaking. “I…what are….you talking….about?” She managed to get out
through her tears.

“You told him to tell me that he didn’t want to go on tour! Don’t deny it!” This caused him to shake her harder. Jenn
couldn’t even respond as she continued to be shook, then suddenly a loud wail echoed through the room. Kevin
quickly stopped his assault and ran over to the door where Matt stood there yelling.

“Don’t hurt Mommy!” The little boy screamed with tears streaming down his face.

Kevin scooped the boy up and held him to his chest, trying to soothe his cries. “Daddy’s sorry baby, I didn’t mean to
scare you. Everything’s alright. I wasn’t hurting your Mommy. Shh…it’s alright.” Matt quieted down and Kevin
decided it was best to leave the room for now.

Turning around he saw Jenn in a fetal position, her eyes were closed and he could see that she was sobbing. He
couldn’t help but feel the pang in his heart, knowing that he had caused her to be so upset. He shook his head and
made his way out of the room, he was just gonna have to confront her about it when Matt wasn’t around.

Jenn just sat there, letting the tears and sobs escape from her. She didn’t understand why he did that, and it was
making her cry even harder. When she tried to sit up she found herself extremely dizzy from all the shaking that she
had just endured.

She couldn’t comprehend what was going on with her husband. She wondered if she was doing something to cause
this, but what was it. She decided not to worry about it now, and she made her way out of bed to get ready for the
day.

The shower helped calm her nerves, and she felt a lot better. Grabbing a few pieces of luggage, she made her way
downstairs. As she made it into the living room she saw Kevin and Matt sitting on the couch, watching cartoons.

Matt immediately turned around when he heard her enter the room. “Mommy!” The little boy said with a smile. He
jumped off of the couch and flung himself on her.

Jenn let out a little laugh as she steadied herself and picked him up. “Well good morning little man.” She gave him a
kiss on the check.

Matt looked up at his mom, “You okay? Daddy say you have scary dreams.”

Jenn quickly looked at Kevin, apparently he didn’t want to deface himself to their son.

Jenn decided to go with the story anyway. “Yes honey, mommy just had a bad dream is all.”

“Daddy scare monsters away?” Matt asked looking over to Kevin.

“Yes, he did.” Jen said with a slight smile. “Why don’t you run upstairs and grab your Nerf basketball thing. I’m sure
your Uncle Brian would play it with you when we’re on the bus.”

Matt’s eyes lit up and he dropped to the floor, quickly scrambling up the stairs. Jenn turned back towards Kevin. “So
that’s what you told him.”

Kevin gave her a sideways look, “Yeah, so?” He questioned.

Jenn walked over to the couch and sat down beside of him. “What really happened, cause

I think I deserve an explanation.” Jenn said softly
Kevin gave her a hard look, “Why did you tell Matt to say that he didn’t want to go on this tour?!” He spat.

Jenn recoiled at his tone, “I…I didn’t say that to him. I swear to you.”
He stared at her for a minute, “Fine, let’s just forget about this. We need to head to the airport. I’m sorry I yelled.” He
leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

Jenn let out a sigh, happy that he had decided to drop it. She smiled up at him, and headed to the door, with hopes
that things would get better during the tour.

~*~

Sara’s eyes followed the windshield wipers back and forth as she softly sang the words to the song that played on
the radio. She watched as several rain drops slid slowly down the window and closed her eyes, wishing it was a
year ago.

She laughed as Brian shot in through the bedroom door and jumped back under the covers. “Damn Sar! It’s cold out
there!” He shivered, snuggling against his wife, upon his return from letting the dog out.

“Dur! That’s why you don’t go outside with your boxers on, stupid!” She was still giggling as she slid down so that
her head was laying on his chest.

He held her tight as they listened to the wind hitting their window softly. Silence fell upon them as they listened to the
thoughts in their heads and the beating of their hearts.

“I want a baby with you, Bri. I want…to grow old with you.” She spoke absently, bringing her finger up to trace the
scar on his chest.

This caused a small laugh to escape his lips. “Well, I planned on it since I married you.”

“I knoooowww. I just…um…wanted to let you know I knew that’s what you were planning.”

This caused laughter from both of them as he took her hand in his and began to kiss each finger. “Let’s make
babies all day.”

“You have to work, dork!”

“I don’t HAVE to do anything!” Brian told her defiantly.

“ I’ll bet Kev will come get your scrawny ass.”

“Aw, I’ll tell him you were lovin’ this scrawny ass more than he was. I had no choice.” He smiled, his eyes looking
down at her.

“Briaaaannn…”

“Shh, not right now.”

Sara licked her lips as a honking horn shook her out of the memory. Suddenly, without thinking, she reached over
and grabbed Brian’s hand that had been resting in the middle.

His blue eyes looked confused as he felt that familiar touch. Brian looked over to find that she was staring straight
ahead, a gentle smile playing on her lips that he knew was for him to see.

“What?” He asked, curiously, creating a smirk of his own.

“Nothing.” Suddenly, Sara realized she was living in the past. Things weren’t the way they were then. Still, she
couldn’t bring herself to let go of his hand. Maybe she knew that if she let go, she might let go of everything.

Brian’s expression disappeared and he cleared his throat, not knowing what to say. He felt guilty. He had ever since
that morning when they had made love for the first time in while.

Why?

It was that look of hurt in her eyes when he had tried to inconspicuously use ‘protection’. It was just one more thing
to confirm all her accusations of him that he had denied. Why couldn’t he just admit to her that he was scared? That
he felt bad, giving them both hope if she got pregnant, and knowing it was his ‘fault’ if they lost it?

Before the thoughts had even stopped rolling around in his head, they had reached the airport parking lot.

Where, not surprisingly, media was already starting to culminate.

“I guess we should start our goodbyes here because, you know, once we get out, we’re not gonna have anymore
privacy.” Brian looked down as he spoke, almost scared of her reaction.

“I know.” She whispered, looking down as well.

“So, yah. God, it’s never been this hard before.” He said, his voice quivering a little.

“That’s because we’ve never been this distant…before there’s real distance between us.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Listen, Bri,” Sara looked up at him, swallowing and squeezing his hand a bit. “I love you. I’ll never stop loving you. I
think, though, that…that we both need to think about if we love ‘us’.”

“Sara, I love u-..”

“Shh, Bri.” She put a finger to his lips and gathered her emotions. “It’s something we need to think about, okay? It
may be temporary, but… only time will tell.”

“I love you, Sara Littrell.” Brian spoke softer, with tears in his eyes.

The brunette only nodded a bit and leaned forward to kiss his lips. He would always remember that taste, that
feeling everytime she kissed him.

“Don’t cry.” She offered him a gentle smile, wiping away his tears with her thumbs. “I don’t want you to leave like
this.”

“I..I don’t want to leave.”

“Then, don’t.” Sara spoke to him, a trimmer of hope and wish in her eyes and voice.

“I have to.” Brian looked down once again, not able to face the disappointment in her eyes.

“Yeah. Okay.” With that said, Sara grabbed her door handle and pushed open the car door. Brian watched her
intently as he soon followed suit.

They joined in front of the car, holding hands and acting as happy as they used to be. Acting and being an entertainer
weren’t only their careers, but their lives now.

And, somehow, they both knew that they’d be acting a lot more in the months to come.

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

Chapter 6


*2 Weeks Later*


One by one, each boy dragged themselves into the rehearsal studio. Today, they would be practicing the re-
choreographed dance for “The Call” for the new leg of the tour. It was, supposedly, more eye catching than
the original dance. Currently though, none of them seemed to care at all.

Howie was first to straggle in, not surprisingly since he insisted on waking up at the butt crack of dawn.
Something was unusual about him today though. He didn’t seem to be the cheerful, positive person that he
naturally was. He had even made up his mind that someone else would have to be the ‘Backstreet
peacemaker’ today because he was in no mood for it. The Latino had had trouble sleeping well the previous
night, tossing and turning with restless dreams that wouldn’t let him drift away. Dreams of Jenn. Dreams of
what Kevin would do to him if he knew…

Howie had been be elated to know that Jenn and Matt had decided to go on tour since they had grown so
close in the past years. He really believed that he was over all of that. Then, she had laughed the laugh that
made his heart jump with wonder. She looked at him with that look that made him want to run away with her.

She smiled that smile that made him want to kiss her lips right then and there.

But it was all so wrong. These feelings that he thought had disappeared, they were hitting him harder than
ever. Howie now understand real hurt. Having the one you love, sitting right next to you, and knowing that you
can never have them.

…How Did I Fall In Love With You?

The first measure of the song began to play on the CD from the radio in the studio and Howie somehow
managed to keep the tears from falling. Kevin would kill him if he knew who Howie had really written that
song for. Hell, he might kill Jenn.

Sometimes he worried about them…

But he decided it was in his best interest to stay out of it for now.

Howie bent to tie his shoe as he heard Nick and AJ coming down the hall.

“Hey AJ…Nicky. What’s wrong?” The older man asked, trying to distract himself from his own feelings. AJ’s
sullen mood was very apparent as it was a great contrast to his usually ‘loud’ personality. Nick though,
surprisingly, seemed to be in fairly good spirits this morning and only shrugged in response to Howie’s
question.

“Ah, I just miss Lori.” AJ sighed, following Nick in putting his stuff down on the floor and pulling out a water
bottle.
Truth was, AJ McLean was having a hard time keeping his promise to his wife. It was so lonely these past
few weeks and happiness just seemed like it was stuck inside that bottle. Even this early in the morning, he
had almost given in to a drink from the wet bar in his room. Why not, he thought. She’ll never know.

But he loved her too much to be a liar.

So, he called Lori. After talking to her, he asked her to put the receiver to her stomach. She had laughed in
response saying that he was retarded, that the baby didn’t even have ears yet. Yet, AJ had to have
reassurance in what he was hanging on for. The two best reasons for living were lying in the bed at home,
and he had never wanted to be there more. It that call, he had found a peace and serenity, maybe even
strength to do what was right and to face the day without any problem.

But, what would happen if one day she didn’t answer the phone and he sat alone in that hotel room? Would
the other guys understand what he was going through? Would he be able to hold out?

That was what scared him. That he doubted himself and his own strength.

The room had fallen silent when Brian and Kevin entered. While it was usual nowadays for Brian to look not
well rested and ‘lost’, it seemed that his cousin, too, was sharing the expression today.

More so, though, it was guilt that was eating Kevin Richardson up inside.

He didn’t understand himself anymore and, frankly, it was beginning to scare him. Every morning, he woke up
next to Jenn, and, inside him, there was nothing but love and respect for her. He adored Matt with every piece
of his heart, too.

Then, Howie would show up and Kevin would see the way she looked at his friend. It was the same way she
used to look at him. He envied Howie. He was so jealous of the attention that he got from Jenn.

But it was all his fault, he would conclude late at night, when he was lying in bed, listening to her gentle
breaths. Why did he continue to hurt her like he knew he did?

He didn’t understand. He knew she wouldn’t either. So, how could he make things right again?

++++

“Brian! What’s wrong with you man?!” Kevin yelled at his cousin from across the room, taking out his own
frustration on someone else. He seemed to do a lot of that lately.

“I..I.. don’t know.” Brian cowered.
“Well, you need to get you’re shit together! I don’t wanna be sitting here all damn day going over this
routine.” Kevin’s angry voice echoed through the room.

“I…I’m sorry Kev. I really didn’t mean to.” Brian said. Even Brian knew this was harsh for Kevin.

“Well, sorry isn’t good enough. You get it right this time, understood!?” By this time Kevin had actually
grabbed the front of Brian’s shirt.

Howie came running over to the two, “Whoa Kev, easy there. It’s not like he did it on purpose or anything.”

Kevin’s eyes blazed as he looked over at Howie, “Just butt out Howie. You already are all in mine and my wife’
s business, you’re not gonna get into my cousin’s now too.” The look on Kevin’s face showed that he meant
business.

AJ slowly approached, “Kevin, man, chill out. This shit happens.” AJ grabbed Kevin’s hand and yanked it off
of Brian’s shirt. “What the fuck is wrong with you!”

Kevin didn’t even give an answer. He just stormed out of the room, slamming the door. Everyone’s eyes were
on him, wondering what could’ve caused an outburst like that.

“Bri, do you know what caused him to act like that?” Nick asked as he finally approached the group.

Brian just sadly shook his head, “I don’t know what’s with him. I mean…I just have a lot on my mind I guess. I
missed that move and he decided it was pick on me day I guess.” Truth was, today him and Sara had made a
decision that could change everything in his world.

“Well, he had no right to treat you like that.” Howie said. That outburst directed towards him had made him
wonder if that was what his problem was to begin with. Howie didn’t think that he was interfering in their
marriage.

“No fucking right!” AJ exclaimed. “I swear to god, if he had said that to me, he would have been laid out on
the ground.” He muttered as he paced the floor.

“Just chill out Jay,” Nick said grabbing his shoulder. AJ spun around and faced Nick.

“Screw this, I need to make a call. When Kevin decides to get his head out of his ass, call me.” AJ pulled out
his cell phone and exited the room.

Nick looked at Brian and saw a lost look in his face. “Rok, what’s wrong man? Kevin couldn’t have pissed
you off that much.”

“It’s nothing, I…I…I need to get out of here.” Brian stated as he made a dash for the same door that AJ and
Kevin had gone out of.

“What’s up with people running out of here today?” Nick asked shaking his head.

“I don’t know man, but I think it might be a good idea if you go find out what’s bothering Bri. He looks really
upset.” Howie stated as he looked at the door.

The blonde let out a sigh, “I guess that I should.” Nick put his hands in his pockets as he also made his way
to that door.

Howie looked around at the now empty room, wondering what had happened to them all.

Chapter 7



“Hey Sweetheart it’s me. I just wanted to call you and say I love you and I hope everything is okay. Call me later.
Love you. Bye.” AJ hung up the phone and sighed. He needed a drink and maybe a little cocaine too. He was so
stressed and that was the only way he could relieve it.

Here he was, stuck in this whole situation that he feared the most. He didn’t want to lie to his wife, but he had to
do something. He had to get a quick fix before the rehearsals started up again. He would just explain to his wife
about it later and he was sure that there wouldn’t be a problem. She knew better than anyone about drugs and
alcohol, and he was pretty sure that it was hard for her too to go through this pregnancy alcohol and drug free.

“Hey. What’s going on?” he asked into the receiver. “I need a fix dude. Anyway, you can have it to me in like a
half-hour? Cool. That’ll work man. Aight.”

AJ got his coat and started to walk out the room when he bumped into someone in the hallway. “Oh hey. Sorry
about that, Kendell.” AJ bent down to help her pick up her papers she dropped.

"It's no problem AJ," she replied smiling. She had long curly brown hair and was fairly tall. She had been AJ's
assistant for a couple of months now. AJ knew that Lori didn't like her at all. She said that the name itself meant
trouble. AJ just figured that she was being a little bit possessive. Kendell was hot. No doubt about it.

~*~*~*~*~*~

There was a knock on his door about fifteen minutes later. AJ opened the door and welcomed the familiar faces
into his room. AJ took the wad of cash out of his pocket and threw it on the table in front of him. A little bag was
handed to him in exchange for the money. The men left and AJ sat down in the chair and stared at the baggy in
front of him. He picked up his cell phone and dialed his house again.

He hung up the phone when the answering machine picked up again. He glimpsed at the baggy again and
opened it and started breaking the rock down. He made two lines and looked at himself in the mirror before he
bent down and snorted the white powder.


~*~*~

Nick approached Brian’s door timidly. It wasn’t like his friend to storm out of rehearsal like that or be so upset
over Kevin’s outbursts. Hell, that was a normality in Backstreet World these days. Nick’s forehead creased,
trying to remember when Backstreet had taken a turn for the worse.

Knocking on Brian’s door, Nick held his breath for a response.

“What?” Brian called bitterly from inside.

“Hey Rok, it’s me.” The blonde answered, putting his hand on the doorknob when he didn’t receive a reply.

“What?” The older man asked, seeing Nick pop his head in the door.

“Um, can I come in?”

Brian only shrugged and opened his hand towards a vacant chair beside him.

“What’s going on, Bri? I know Kev didn’t get to you that much and you’re…” Nick started in, beginning to worry
that there was something deep that Brian was keeping from him.

“Nothing. Just tired… maybe coming down with something.” He interrupted.

The youngest Backstreet Boy sat down in the chair and shot Brian a quizzical look, finding that the TV his friend
had been staring at was, in fact, not on at all.

“Alllright. Mind if I chill for a bit?” Nick asked, trying to get any kind of answer out of Brian.

“Okay.” He simply shifted on the couch so that he slumped down more and quietly played with his watch.

Nick began absently flipping through the channels, trying to find something that would maybe lift his friend’s
spirits a bit. His blue eyes lit up, finding the perfect thing to solve what he thought was just a bad case of
homesickness.

Sara.

Nick smiled at his achievement and set the remote down, sure that she would make Brian happy. The man
leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and watched as Sara talked about her new movie, career, and
family. He also watched as she never even flinched when they asked her about the miscarriages. Damn, she
was a good actress.

It was strange though, that Sara’s only real emotion came through when they had asked her about Brian. She
had bitten her lip and smiled, as if reflecting. Nick knew that look though. But, why would she be about to cry over
Brian? They had only been away from each other for two weeks.

Nick cocked his head as he wondered what was going on between the two. Turning his head towards Brian
though, he wasn’t sure he should ask.

There, on the couch, just as still as he had been when Nick walked in, Brian sat with tears slowly rolling down his
cheeks.

“Bri?” Nick asked, quietly.

“Yeah?” Brian’s voice was thick with sadness and he made no attempt to wipe away the evidence. His eyes
slowly met Nick’s as he came over to sit down beside him. “She looked so beautiful, didn’t she? Her hair fixed
just…just perfect.” Brian tried to smile through his tears but with no success.

“Brian, what’s going on, man?” He asked the question again, hoping that his best friend was going to let it out
this time. It was now obvious that the situation was serious.

“We’re over, Nick.” Brian finally admitted, cradling his head in his hands. It felt as though it was the beginning of
a terrible hangover. He just wished that’s all it was. “We decided this morning, after an argument last night
that….that we should be separated for a while and see where that goes.”

“Oh…” Nick swallowed, almost sorry that he was the one who came to see about Brian. The other guys, with the
exception of AJ, were so much better at handling these things than he was. Looking at his friend, though, he just
went with his instincts. His instincts told him that all Brian needed was someone to listen, someone to care, and
someone to hold on to because things were about to get rough.

“I’m so sorry, Brian.” The blonde patted Brian’s back, as Brian stared into space, his chin resting in his hands
with his fingers covering his mouth.

“I just don’t know why it had to be this way, man.” He bit his lip. “I don’t understand how she can be so strong
about it. She looked so calm…”

“So do you in front of the public. Damn, Bri, she’s an actress.”

“And I’m a frickin’ pop star.” Brian bit his lip and grinned bitterly, shaking his head. “And that’s probably most of
our problem.”

Nick was just about to question his friend’s comment when they heard AJ talking from the crack in the door.

“They want us back at rehearsal in 10.” He mumbled before shutting the door and going off to find the others.

Brian wiped his eyes and stood. “Um, go ahead Nick. I’ll be there in a few.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Just going to take a Tylenol real quick.” The man replied, walking Nick to the door.

“Okay, um, I’ll see you in a bit then.” Nick was a bit apprehensive about leaving but figured Brian was entitled to a
little time by himself after that break down.

Brian leaned against the back of the door after shutting it and rubbed his face. Digging his heels into the carpet,
he lunged himself forward and headed towards the bathroom. There, in his shaving kit, was a bottle of Tylenol.
‘Hmm. I could take this whole bottle.’ He thought, narrowing his eyes.

He couldn’t do that though. He had to try and at least get his wife back first. She was worth fighting for. She was
all he had that was real in this world.

Brian’s eyes watered. He had now made his way into the bedroom to pull on his jacket but it was not before the
picture of Sara in his suitcase caught his eye. Why was it so damn hard for him to just give her what she
wanted? Stand up to the guys and tell him he had to sit out a few dates, just to get his life in order. They would
understand, so, why didn’t he?

How long would it take before he would crack? In front of everyone? How long… could he keep up this act?
Sitting down on the bed, picture in hand, Brian realized it wouldn’t be that long.

Sara Littrell sat in her dark dressing room, wondering the same things. Where had everything turned for the
worse? What had moved her to concur to the separation? Then she realized, as much as she loved her husband,
it had been months since she was sure the feeling was mutual.

She, too, also wondered how long they could get away with people not being in their business. Sara was proud of
herself for being so strong this morning but now, in the silence of her dressing room, tears ran freely down her
cheeks. There was no one to call, though. No one to care, even if they acted like it. No one to trust and no one to
love.

For the first time in years, Sara was truly alone. Or at least she thought.


A/N: ok...i Jenn...the wonderful person i am...have finished most of my parts...with some revisions needed of couse...i have like...5 or so parts already finished...but my "wonderful" jk...cowriters seem to have lost inspiration on this story...so PLEASE review and help them to find their motivation...and if i get enough people wanting the kev and jenn parts i will be willing to share if it seems all hope is lost...please let us know what you think!....