Prologue

I followed him all around the small two bedroom house we rented in Tampa. Hung on every word he ever spoke. He was my big brother and I loved him more then life itself. Not that I even understood what that meant. I was only four at the time. But to me he was bigger than all the super heroes on the planet. Superman and Batman combined couldn't hold a stick to Mike.


If he ever got tired of me following him all over the place, he never showed it. Not once. He would always great me with a smile and a hug, no matter what kinds of things were going on in our lives. Mom and dad fighting so fiercely that the police would have to come and break things up. That I remember like it was yesterday. The loud arguments they would have, when all I could do was sit at the top of the stairs in my brother's lap, and listen.


I would squeeze his leg tight in my hands when the glass would start breaking and he would sweep me up in his arms and bring me into our room when the swears started to fly out of their mouths.


Blaring the song Separate Ways out through his small ghetto blaster. At least that's what he used to call it. I think Mike was the sole reason I even got into rock and especially Journey. He had them plastered all over our bedroom walls. Journey and Madonna, but only because she was a total babe. His words not mine.


He would make me laugh as he jumped from bed to bed with a baseball bat in his hands imitating a guitar. As the screaming got louder, so did the music.


"Come on squirt sing with me" He would say grabbing my hands and making me jump on the bed right along with him. I never realized he was doing that to help the screaming and crying of our mother in the background go away.


He was my best friend, from what I can remember. It was all such a long time ago.


That night while Separate Ways was looping on our stereo, dad came in and sat down on my bed. He shut the music off and told us he was leaving. He couldn't stay anymore. Mom wouldn't let him. I cried, but not because of that. Truthfully, I was always a little afraid of my father and was kind of happy to see him go. I cried because I saw Mike cry. He ran over to our dad and hugged him tight.


"It's okay Mikey! Everything will work out you'll see buddy." My dad said patting my brother on the back trying to get him to stop crying. He would glance at me from time to time and smile. My eyes were only set on my sad brother.


Mom came in shortly afterwards which made me scared. When the two of them were in the same room together it was never a good thing, but she seemed very calm and composed as she took a seat next to me and pulled me into her lap.


"Guys..your dad and I can't do this anymore so we have decided it's time for him to leave."


"No! You can't do this to us! I hate you!!" Mike screamed at my Mother, clinging onto my father as if he were to let go, he would never see dad again.


They sat and consoled us for a little while before dad packed his things and moved out. That very same night. The one thing I didn't expect was that Mike went with him. At first Mom explained that it was because Mikey was so sad. This would make him feel better. Make him realize that dad wasn't going away forever.


I hugged my big brother. The last thing he did for me was rewind the Separate Ways tape and play it again as he winked and played some air guitar out of the house and right out of our lives.


I never saw either of them again.


After their disappearance, I remember police. All day and all night, stopping by our house as if they lived there. I would just look down from the top of the stairs, feeling like the warm blanket which used to be my brother was missing. I became a thumb sucker right then and there. At four years old, never sucked my thumb before that. I remember Mom crying and worried most nights while she ignored my existence all together. The only thing I ever had to keep me company was that Journey tape. I was barely tall enough to reach the ghetto blaster, but I quickly learned how to put it on and off.


Two years later, Mom and I left our small home and moved to Orlando. She found a new man, and in the process forgot her old life. Bob Carter married my Mom on the three year anniversary of my Dad and brother's disappearance. He adopted me 6 months later.


Suddenly, the Alexander's ceased to exist. I was no longer Nickolas Gene Alexander, I was Nickolas Gene Carter and it seems from that moment on Mike and my dad were nothing more then a lingering memory. A far off dream.


Occasionally Mom in her more melancholy moods would wonder what ever happened to her son, if he was growing into a full fledged man who was as beautiful as me. I couldn't even remember what he looked like. I didn't even know how much older he was. I was so young back then and Mom never wanted to answer my questions. I think he was a brunette just like her. She said it's funny how I looked so similar to Bob. But I bet Bob and my REAL dad looked a lot alike.


Over the years I had all but forgotten about that life. As the performing came and then the sudden fame in Europe with my boys, my new big brothers, that old life had vanished into one bad memory.


I never allowed myself to look back. I never really wanted to.


Just lately my past has visited me in my dreams. Forcing me to remember who I was, where I came from. Funny how dreams can be interpreted as premonitions. I forced myself to close my eyes and fall asleep on the tour bus with my head phones blaring Separate Ways.

1

"Nicky...time to wake up!" I knew it was time to wake up. I heard my alarm clock. If I wanted to get up when it went off I wouldn't have pummeled the snooze button. When were these guys ever gonna figure that out?

"Nick, come on!"

"In a minute."

"Now!"

"I still have four minutes before my alarm goes off again." I said rolling over and trying my best to block Howie's annoying voice. I heard my radio go on full blast. God I hated when he did that.

"Seems like your four minutes are up." I rolled over and hit him with my pillow. This was our morning ritual. Every single morning we did this. It never got old, for him anyway.

"You just turned the radio on D! Duh what am I stupid or something?"

"Yeah you are Kaos." AJ said walking past us with toothbrush and towel in hand.

"No one asked you." I yelled as I sat up.

"Why are you always the last one up?"

"I think it's because I'm the only one who has the common sense to realize that we only have one bathroom on this thing."

"He's right Kev, I'll give him that much."

"Thank you Brian" I sat down beside him at our small table and grabbed the box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch from the center of the table and poured an over abundance of it into my bowl. I was hungry.

"How can you eat that junk?"

I decided to answer Kevin with my mouth full, "I am a growing boy Kevin." They all laughed as it spewed out of my mouth.

"You are ridiculous you know that?" I answered with a nod stuffing my face to maximum capacity yet again.

"So what's on the agenda today Kev?" Brian asked as he stirred his Cheerios into his soy milk. Ick! I will never get used to that.

"Well, I think once we get into Joisey, we do a bunch of promo pics for the upcoming tour. I think we have an interview with some stupid fluffy magazine..."

"Oh that means I better get my favorite food and colors list ready." I reached over Brian and gave AJ a high five for that one.

Kevin ignored us and kept going, "And then we break up for things."

"I know I'm going to a children's hospital with Brian and AJ" Howie added, "I'm not sure of the time."

"Yeah and Nick and I get to go into New York."

"We do?" He nodded.

"You don't remember? You and your Mom are going on TRL to promote her book." Yeah, I probably blocked that out. When my mother told me she was writing a book on my life I thought she was kidding. Then when I actually saw her talking to a 'ghost writer' I became furious. I think that was truly the first time I had ever yelled at my Mom. Not only yelled at her but called her things no son should ever dare to call his Mother. My dad busted me for it. He actually slapped me for the first time in my life. I guess I deserved it too.

We barely talked for months after that. Now that I was 18, Mom didn't have to come with me as my chaperone any longer, so that had distanced us a bit. She hesitantly called to book us on TRL. As a matter of fact, she's not the one that even called me. It was her publicist. Why she even needed a publicist was beyond me. Sometimes I think my Mom forgets which one of us is famous.

"Hey Nick, who the heck is Mike?" I actually think I gasped when Kevin asked me that.

"Huh?"

"Mike, who is he?"

"Why do you ask?" I shoveled another spoonful of cereal into my mouth, not quite sure if I wanted to go down this road with the guys yet. It's not like I purposely didn't tell them about my brother. The guys knew about Bob and that he was my step dad but I never really told them much else. Sensing it was a touchy subject, they never asked either. Even though I know more then once, they wanted too.

"When I passed your bunk last night, I took your Walkman off your ears and you hit me and called me Mike." The other guys laughed.

"Awe cute, were you dreaming about a pet monkey or something?" I couldn't resist. I took a spoon of cereal and hit AJ in the face with it. He counter attacked with a piece of syrupy waffle. Sparking a mini food fight but more importantly making the subject of my brother forgotten.

Kevin was not happy with us but we didn't manage to make too much of a mess. As I cleaned the syrup out of my ears, I remembered what Kevin had said to me, "Why are you going into New York?" I asked him as he stood outside the bathroom waiting patiently for me to finish getting myself cleaned up and ready.

"I have some stuff to do at MTV too besides I figured you would like some company." I nodded. He really wanted to come because he didn't trust my Mom. The two of them made it no real big secret that they didn't like each other very much. They tended to butt heads about things. I was kind of happy Kevin would be there to act as a buffer between the two of us. We still weren't on the best of terms her and I.

"So you never answered my question before, about Mike?"

"Oh...yeah. I have no idea." I shrugged and moved out of the way so he could use the bathroom. I didn't feel like going into the dreams I have been having concerning my brother. They were all the same and all about that night. It's like suddenly all the memories I had tried so hard to avoid were invading my dreams. All ending with me waking up and missing my brother.

The first paycheck I got, I remember telling my Mom that I wanted to hire a private investigator to go look for him. Not dad but Mike. She frowned and said that Mike was an adult. If he wanted to find us, he would have.

I think I was fifteen at the time so I asked how old Mike would have been. She said 24. Same age as Kevin. I wonder if they would have been friends or if Kevin would have driven my brother as crazy as he drives me sometimes. She gave me a hug and said "I think by this time honey it's best to leave the past as the past. When the time is right, he will come to us"

By the time we hit New Jersey, we were ready for our crazy day.

"Mike this isn't break time! Get to work or lose your job!"

Mike rolled his eyes at his manager. The fourth manger he had in two months. The fourth job he had in two months. He knew he couldn't blow it this time. He was so behind on his bills including his rent that if he lost his job, this time he would be out on the streets. So even though he had every four letter word he could think of running through his mind, he bit his tongue and walked back into the busy record store.

By far out of all the jobs he had, working at the Virgin Mega store was the best. There was so many people in and out. So many famous people coming in to do autograph signings. He had only been there for three days and he had already seen Billy Joel and Stevie Wonder, shopping just like regular people. Of course, he couldn't get in more then a hello before being whisked away by the guy who was training him. There was a guy who was in charge of walking around with Mr. Joel and recommending things to him.

"How do you get that job?" He had asked one of his coworkers. Some girl with blue hair and a pierced nose, "You have to be screwing the manager of customer service."

"Oh, is she cute?"

"Oh yeah HE'S a real cutie pie." They both chuckled and became instant friends.

Her name was Melinda which didn't fit her badass image at all. Turns out she was in about the same predicament as Mike being in debt and one step away from homeless.

"Maybe we should live here in the store."

"Oh yeah, that's a grand idea."

"I hate this fucking place" Melinda cursed a lot.

"I kind of like it."

"You're new. Don't worry Mike. You'll hate it too in no time."

"Nah..I doubt it."

"Once you have to kiss the asses of a damn boy band you'll wish you were never born."

"Why do you say that?"

"Just wait and see." She said and threw her cigarette on the floor and stepped on it. That's when his manager told him to get a move on.

Mike felt refreshed being here so close to music. God he really loved the hell out of music. He had wanted so badly to go to college for it. He never got the chance though. He didn't even finish high school. So, he survived working one piddly job to the next. Eventually getting fired from them all because of his lateness and general lack luster attitude.

He guessed the drugs didn't help either.

"What's with the crowd outside?" he asked Melinda as he rung a customer's order through the register.

"There's a stupid ass Backstreet Boy going on TRL today."

"Oh" He didn't get TRL. He dared to watch it once but all the screaming and the stupid people talking during the videos seemed to have no point.

"That means it going to get busy as shit after the show. They come over all screaming and crying and buying their stupid CD's like their going out of style. I hate corporate America."

He just laughed.

"You know they should have really put you in the punk section. This pop/rock thing doesn't suit you well at all."

She stuck her pierced tongue out at him "Shut the hell up."

He laughed and she pretended not to be entranced by his good looks. He picked up on it though and smiled.

"You just wait and you'll see. After that jackass makes his appearance on TRL, all the teeny weenies will be in getting their CD. Just wait and watch." Almost as if on cue, Quit Playing Games With My Heart started blaring through the store.

"See? What the hell did I just tell you?"

"That's them huh?"

"Yeah" She sat against the back counter and filed her nails.

"He'll be in after his TRL appearance most likely."

"Well, at least it will be exciting."

"If you like screaming and crying 10 year olds it will be."

Mike decided to go out on the floor, he had enough negative energy thrown his way for now today. He walked over to the CD rack where the Backstreet Boys were displayed and laughed.

"I hate corporate America too." He said as he began to pile on even more CD's to the display. Glancing at the five pretty boys on the cover but thinking nothing of it.

5

It frustrated me to know end that something as small as playing basketball had to be turned into such a major production. We couldn't just go to a court somewhere, we had to go to a remote place, where the chances of being recognized was zilch and then make sure we had permission or could get permission to be there. Why, is still a mystery to me considering we have about 800 pounds of security with us between Brian's bodyguard and my own. Okay maybe I'm exaggerating but not by much.

I used to be terrified of them. I thought if they really wanted to, they could just stomp me to the ground. Luckily they have turned into so much more then security for me, they also became great friends. That's how I chose to look at them when I went out for something like this. They weren't there protecting me from whackos, they were my friends hanging out with me.

So, we finally ended up about thirty minutes up the road at an elementary school, PS 187 or something like that. All I know is, I was glad to finally be able to play some ball. Too bad I sucked at it. Within about ten minutes I was losing horribly, but Brian being such a great guy, didn't gloat...much.

"You know my Grandmother plays better than you" He said shooting another two point shot into the basket.

"Who cares? My grandma plays better than your grandma" That helped, he laughed and while he was distracted I ran past him and made a shot.

"That was cheating Nick!"

"Hey, I take it anyway I can get it"

I ran towards Keith, my bodyguard, "Wanna play?" He smiled, "No squeeb you go ahead"

He called me squeeb, I never got that. I have no clue what a squeeb is and I never bothered to ask him. That was his nickname for me. Of course while I was distracted talking to Keith, Brian managed to steal the ball and make another shot.

"NO fair!"

"Life's not fair squirt"

"Squeeb, squirt what is it with you people and your silly nicknames? And I seriously am not a squirt. I tower over you buddy" Brian shook his head and threw me the ball, "So...you mentioned Mike again last night"

"I did?" He nodded.

"Yup" I threw the ball from where I was standing hoping it would go in but of course it didn't. "If that went in I would've eaten my hat" He said coyly.

I was bothered that I was talking about my brother in my sleep again. "Brian, I..." I wanted to tell him right there, but stopped myself, figuring I would tell him over a midnight snack and a game of Nintendo.

"What?"

"Nothing, let's head back. I'm a sweaty mess"

He wiped himself off with a towel and threw a clean one my way, "Since you are quitting, I guess I won huh?"

"I'm not quitting I just don't want your old body to tire out on you" He whipped me in the butt with his towel as we walked out of the gym and back to the limo.
~*~**~*~*~~*
Mike almost got hit by not one car, but two on his quest to get to the Four Seasons Hotel. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going, and in this city, that was not a good idea. He probably looked like one of those crazy homeless people he always passed up on the street, the ones that always seemed to be conversing with an imaginary friend. He couldn't help it though, the same thoughts kept running through his mind the entire sprint towards the hotel, "This is impossible, how can this be?" Over and over again he heard himself utter the words.

When he finally was close enough to the hotel to see the huge sign, he allowed himself to smile. "This is unbelievable" He noticed people looking at him the same way he looked at those crazy people, he didn't care though, this was big. Not only had he found his little brother but he was..."My brother is a pop star!" He laughed/screamed to a crowd of New Yorkers waiting for a light to turn red so they could move in a herd across the street.

They didn't seem to care, but Mike did. How on Earth had that happened? They were in the store. He had actually waited on him. How could he not know? Then a scary thought occurred to him, one he refused to let linger in his mind. "What if Nick knew? Maybe that is why he gave me the CD?" Nah impossible. There was no way the kid would have known.

Kid? He smiled again, his brother was 18 years old. WOW! "My brother the Backstreet Boy" He laughed as he walked into the huge lobby of the Four Seasons Hotel.

He was blown away by the size and just overall extravagance of the place. It was beautiful. He walked over to the front desk, "Excuse me?" The snobby looking man looked up at him, "Yes?"

"I was wondering if you could tell me what room Nick Carter is staying in?" The hotel clerk laughed, "I'm sorry sir but we don't give out personal information on any of our guests"

"He is staying here correct?"

"I'm sorry sir I can't give you that information"

"Yeah he's staying here, they always stay here" Mike turned around to see a trio of young teenage girls staring back up at him. They all had his brother's name as well as the rest of the band plastered all over their shirts.

"Oh, thanks"

"Sure, we are waiting for at least one of them to make an appearance, we saw Nick and Brian leave a while ago but they were fast so we didn't get to talk to them or anything"

"They left?" Mike's heart sank.

"Yeah but they'll be back. Hopefully the others will come down soon" He noticed that all three were holding copies of his Mother's, just thinking that sent chills down his spine, but his mother's book in their hands. Then he realized that he was too. He forgot that he had stolen the book from poor Ariana with not so much as a single explanation. Ah well, if he was right and Nick was his brother, maybe he could just bring HIM to the store and have HIM sign another one for her. He smiled again.

"Thanks for the info…" He extended his hand.

"Tori" she interrupted, "And this is Ashley and Meighan" He nodded to them all, "I'm Mike" He was tempted to finish with, "Nick Carter's long lost older brother" but stopped himself. He had a feeling they would have tackled him to the ground if he did that. Protecting their Idol to the death.

"So, are you like a fan or something?" He laughed, "Or something"

They quickly grew tired of the older man and turned their attention back on the elevator in hopes of just a glimpse of one of the boys. Mike however looked down at the book he had been carrying and realized that he had never bothered to even look through it or read it. So he decided to take a seat in the lobby and read while he waited for his brother's return.

It had been so long since he had seen any pictures of his Mom and brother. His dad had thrown the two he had in his wallet away one day leaving Mike to only recall them in dreams. Another horrible thought suddenly filled his mind, replaced by the one he had previously, what if he was wrong? It has been a very long time since he had seen a picture, maybe his mind was just playing tricks on him. But as he turned page after page of the book seeing old pictures and reading old stories, he knew it was them. He also realized that he was nowhere to be found.

"It's like I never existed" he said aloud, suddenly angry at his Mother and even a little at his brother. The girls screamed which caused Mike to look up, hoping to see his brother. Instead he saw the other one who had been to Virgin yesterday, signing autographs and posing for a picture with those three girls.

Mike took a deep breath and slowly made his way over to Kevin who hesitantly smiled at him she stood there being hugged by the girls. Meighan ran over to Mike and handed him a camera, "Will you take a picture of all of us with Kevin please?" He nodded and snapped the picture hoping they would finally go away, which they did not.

He hadn't realized that Kevin was staring at him waiting for a pen or something already grabbing the book he had in his hand to sign it. "NO!" Mike said more forcefully they he had intended causing Kevin to pull back and shrug at him. "Sorry, I was just waiting for...do you know when Nick Carter will be back?"

"No sorry" Kevin's bodyguard, sensing Kevin's discomfort stepped in front of him, "Sorry, Kevin's done signing for now"

"I don't want his autograph, I just want to know when Nick..." Again Mike was answered with a shrug from Kevin as he was led out the door and to an awaiting van.

He once again took a seat on the chairs and leafed through the book stopping on a collage of pictures of Nick when he was a baby. Mike could remember when most of them were taken. He remembered how badly his brother used to cry when it came to getting his picture taken. He would have to tickle him under his chin to make him laugh. That was his ticklish spot, under the chin.

As he flipped through page after page and read a little bit, he got the sense that his mother was nothing more than a money grubbing stage Mom. He also realized that most of the pictures she had used, pictures that he used to be in, were altered to leave him out. He was probably lying somewhere on a cutting room floor.

He suddenly began to feel like maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. It was clear that he was no longer wanted. He got up to leave when he heard the girls squeal once again. When he looked up he saw them swarming around his brother and his friend, Bodyguards surrounding him. He smiled as he wrote but his body language said get me out of here. Which was precisely what Mike's heart was saying to him, get me out of here.

He stood there staring and unsure of what to do.

*Thanks Silver and Sherry ;) *

Oh and one other thing if you happened to by chance read this and get totally confused, it's because I accidentally posted chapter 9 instead of 8 lol sorry. It's all fixed now though :)

8
I was grateful to Kevin for getting me out of our interview. I have to admit I was more than a little surprised when he came back and said that Lou said it was fine for me to bail. It was very out of the man's character. Hey I wasn't going to knock it though. I felt liberated; free to do whatever I pleased, even if it was only for a half an hour or so, even though I knew they would be there much longer than that.

After I got all my frustrations out and had a good cry over how stupid my Mother was, I felt a lot better. I probably could and should have gone with the guys, but ah well. I was still not feeling totally great. My headache had hit me full force and I should have just used the time to go to sleep, but you know me, why do that when I could reek havoc or something much more exciting then sleeping.

I sat on the bed and flipped through the channels, grateful that no one was there to yell at me for doing it. After about fifteen minutes of that, I decided I was a bit hungry so I went over to the desk and pulled out the room service menu. I hated staying in hoity toity hotels because the room service menu was always ridiculous. Can't a boy just get a burger and fries and a big fat chocolate shake. The way my stomach grumbled when I thought about the food made me realize it was a must.

My eyes went down the menu seeing everything from Filet mignon to some weird fish I never heard of before, of course there was the caviar for a huge some of money that I'm sure Lou would kill me if I ordered, especially since I am supposed to be ill. Nope... no burgers anywhere. I threw the menu on the floor and laid back down on the bed, legs dangling off the side, totally dejected and undecided on what to do.

The brilliant idea of me sneaking down to the lobby came halfway through a rerun of Frasier and three chips into a bag of stale Doritos. Don't ask me why I didn't just want to send one of our people down there for me, I felt the need to be mischievous, of course that was a need I knew I would pay for if by chance I were to get caught.

I sat up and blew my hair out of my eyes shaking my head in disgust about my very stupid idea. "That's it I'm doing it" I grabbed my sneakers after finally putting on some pants and a gray tee and placing one of AJ's black hats on my head, I opened my door and peered down the hallway. Security had left, they were somewhere skulking around but they weren't right outside the room, which I was grateful for. "Kevin is going to kill me, no I take that back...everyone is going to kill me" I whispered to myself as I compulsively pressed the elevator button that would lead me downstairs to the lobby.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~

"This is a complete waste of time"

"Would you relax Mike, come on, you never know"

"I feel like we have been waiting here FOREVER"

"How long has it been since you've seen him again?" Melinda looked over to Mike who was growing more and more impatient by the second, but even more than impatient, he felt like he was losing his nerve. If the kid did by some chance happen upon them down there, what on earth would he say anyway?

"It's been a long time. A really long time."

"Then what's a few minutes more?" He nodded, and smiled at the woman he admired more and more every day.

Melinda tossed a Corn Nut into her mouth as she passed the bag over to Mike. "How can you eat that stuff?" He asked kindly declining her offer, she shrugged, "It's probably the most expensive bag of Corn Nuts I have ever eaten in my life"

"I told you not to buy them here," she stuck her tongue out at him revealing half of an uneaten nut. He grimaced but also laughed, "You are disgusting you know that?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"SO, I know why I'm here...but why are you here?" He said after a few minutes. She stopped midchew.

"What?"

"Why are you here with me? I mean don't get me wrong I really appreciate it and all, but, I was just curious."

"You think I have ulterior motives?" Her tone grew more serious clueing Mike into the fact that he had made a mistake.

"No, I didn't say that I was jus.."

"NO, you think I am after you or something don't you? God don't flatter yourself Mike."

"Relax, I was just asking."

"You want me to leave?"

"No of course not."

"I just came because I figured you needed a friend...and well...that's what friends do." He smiled at her, genuinely happy with the outcome of that conversation. He thought it was going to end badly for a while there.

"So much time has gone by."

"I know."

"It's almost stupid to do this."

"You wanna go home?" She looked over to him and grabbed his hand. Did he want to go home? "Yeah, maybe that is a good idea."

"Are you sure? Because I have my bag of nuts here, I'm good for at least another hour or so.." He laughed, stood up and held out his hand to her, "Let's go, I'm probably wrong anyway."

"Okay suit yourself."

She got up and together they made their way out of the lobby, just as the elevator doors opened.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I stepped out of the elevator and briskly made my way into the gift shop, not really sure why. My real target was a pizza place I had seen down the street. Go in there, grab a quick slice or 2 and bring it back up to the room, no one would be the wiser, but I felt the need to regroup in the gift shop first.

I walked in and kept to the middle of the store, afraid I might break something. I had done that before, it wasn't pretty. I walked over to the candy and grabbed a Chunky bar. It had been such a long time since I had one of those things; and made my way to the counter to pay. I didn't notice I was being watched by about five people in the store. I guess I was too caught up in my chocolate.

"That'll be $2.25."

"For a candy bar?"

"Yes."

"Okay." I fished in my pockets for money, feeling like an idiot that I didn't have any on me at all. That was gonna ruin my pizza plans. "Can I put it on my credit card?"

"Sure thing" She smiled. I couldn't tell if it was a mocking me kind of smile or a genuine I'm happy to serve you smile.

"Do you think pizza places take credit cards?" She looked at me even more amused this time.

"I would guess so, I mean this IS New York City." I nodded at her. Her tag said Julie, so I thought I'd personalize, "Um, thanks Julie, you have a great day."

"I will. You do the same." She winked and laughed, yup she pretty much thought I was a moron.

"Excuse me are you Nick Carter?" uh oh. I looked over to the family and nodded. Immediately I had two ten year old girls hugging me from either side, their dad giving me directions to move closer to them as he took the picture while Mom just looked on in amusement. "Okay say cheese!"

"Cheese!" we all said together. They kissed me and hugged me as I politely thanked them, heading for the door.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be that other person, the one waiting in the lobby for someone famous to come down. I wonder how exciting it would be, Mom proudly looking on as dad snapped a picture of me with Steve Perry. I smiled at the thought.

Walking through the lobby unnoticed was easier than I thought it would be. The people sitting their were busy occupying themselves with other things and remarkably, the fans were nowhere in sight. I pulled my cap down and began my stride over to the pizza place, there was a cold chill in the air which found me regretting the fact that I didn't bring a light jacket with me, but there was no way I was going back.

I picked up my pace as I got to the corner ready to cross the street.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mike and Melinda sat quietly staring at each other, she was playing with the paper from her straw, crumbling it up and soaking it on the wet table top. Mike just kept shaking parmesan on his piece of uneaten pepperoni pizza just because it was something to do.

"You know, if you weren't hungry, we didn't have to come."

Mike looked up from his cheese sprinkling and shrugged, "Yeah I know but I didn't really feel like going home either."

"If you aren't going to eat that" She pulled the plate away from him and grabbed the extra cheesy pizza off the plate and took a huge bite.

He would have smiled if his mood had suited him, but instead he turned his gaze from Melinda to the Sprite in front of him. The condensation from the ice slowly beading up around the outside of the glass. He wiped it away with a napkin, wishing it was that simple in real life. Wiping everything away. Truth was, finding his brother had stirred up a lot of memories he had kept hidden way at the bottom of his heart. Memories he was better off forgetting.

Happy memories.

Memories of long walks in a park with Mom and the baby. The way she held his hand in hers as she hummed.

"We can always go back you know, it is right down the street."

"I know" He looked over at her and winked, not quite ready to smile.

"Would you do me a favor Mike?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Would you order me a side of garlic knots?" Now he managed to smile, "Boy when you're hungry you're hungry. I thought you said those Corn Nuts would keep you satisfied."

"Eh, I lied."

"Garlic knots?"

"Yes."

"I hope you don't plan on kissing anyone with that garlicky breath." She rolled her eyes, "There you go dreaming again Cassanova..just get me my knots please I would but I'm too busy eating your pizza for you."

"No problem." He stood up and made his way to the counter, just as he got there someone walked right into him, almost knocking him down.

"Jesus Christ watch where the hell you're going!" He shouted at the guy who was now busy bending down to pick up the baseball cap that had fallen off his head.

"Sorry...I wasn't looking," He said as he stood up to match eyes with Mike. Nick Carter staring into the eyes of his brother. Not even realizing it, shifted his feet uncomfortably from one to the other biting his bottom lip nervously.

"NO...it's okay" Mike said softening his voice while he tried to take in the presence of his baby brother. Once he really got a good look at him, there was no doubt in his mind. This was Nick; his Nick.

"I don't know if you remember me but..." He tried to find the words as Nick continued to shift his gaze from the man in front of him to the floor. "but...I am the guy who you gave that Journey CD too" That made Nick look up and smile, the worry gone from his face.

"Oh...yeah I remember you, have you listened to it yet?" Mike nodded how was he going to do this without sounding like an idiot?

"It was great, really helped my mood."

"Yeah Journey does that." Did he remember listening to Journey while I held him and danced around? Mike thought as he watched the boy smile, his mind traveling somewhere other than the pizza place where they stood.

Mike couldn't take his eyes off of his brother. He wanted to pull him in a hug, he wanted to tell him how much he loved him and missed him, but all he was doing was making Nick uncomfortable. He could tell by the way he slouched his shoulders and once again bit at his bottom lip. The same things Mike himself would do when uneasy.

"Well, it was nice seeing you again...."

"Mike."

"Mike." He extended his hand to Mike which he gladly took, was he going to just walk away? Not let him know?

"Same here Nick. It has been a pleasure and thank you so much."

"No problem."

Mike walked back over to Melinda that watched the whole episode with her mouth agape. He sat down still staring at his brother over at the counter placing his order, "So? what happened?"

"I thanked him for the CD."

"And?"

"And that was it."

"What do you mean that was it? Aren't you going to tell him you're his brother?" She had raised her voice a bit that had Nick look over their way.

"Keep your voice down...no I don't think I am Melinda."

"You are an idiot Michael, he is here right in front of you!"

"I know that."

"And you are just going to let him leave?"

"I..." He saw Nick paying for his order, he knew he was running out of time, "No, I'm not," He said and got up and walked back over to Nick just as he was leaving the restaurant.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~~

Mission accomplished, I got my pizza, paid with credit card and was only noticed about three times. Not a bad deal. I opened the door and hurried back out into the cold air. The guys would be back soon and I wanted to be in the comfort of my own room when they got there. True there was a good chance they would see the pizza but I could always say someone went and got it for me. Yes, home free.

"Excuse me?" Almost home free. I stopped at the sound of the man's voice, "Nick Carter!" I was just about to cross the street but decided to stop. I turned to see the man running towards me. "Okay Nick calm down he is not a crazy person.." I quietly tried to reassure myself as he caught up with me, a girl in a plaid skirt running after him.

"Sorry..I...I just have something I need to tell you." He said trying to catch his breath. I placed my hand on his shoulder, "Sure thing, catch your breath first, I don't want you to die on me."

The man laughed, which made me smile. I put my hand in my pocket searching for a pen, expecting him to say he forgot to ask me for an autograph, I never expected to hear the words that he was about to say.

"Nick, there's no easy way to put this so I am going to be blunt, My name is Mike Alexander and I'm your brother."