Source of Hope by abbeyjo
Summary:

When life has always let you down, how do you trust someone who offers happiness?
Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters: AJ, Brian, Group, Other
Genres: Angst, Drama, Humor, Romance
Warnings: Graphic Sexual Content, Sexual Content, Violence
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 5 Completed: No Word count: 12631 Read: 7430 Published: 05/16/06 Updated: 06/04/06

1. Prologue by abbeyjo

2. Chapter One ~ Second Chances by abbeyjo

3. Chapter Two ~ Turbulence by abbeyjo

4. Chapter 3 ~ Afraid by abbeyjo

5. Chapter Four ~ Soon by abbeyjo

Prologue by abbeyjo
Author's Notes:
This is a collaboration.
Prologue

Shuffling through the résumé's, Brian Littrell heaved a sigh of discontent. No one was right for what he had in mind. Certainly, they all had wonderful histories of hit songs and big name musicians recording their work, but none had the one thing he was searching for. He wanted talent. A song that leaped off the page and grabbed his attention, not to mention his heart. Shaking his head, he shoved the papers into the folder and glanced at his watch, realizing he was already late for his next appointment. One look outside showed his car already waiting at the curb.

Pushing through the glass doors leading to the busy street, he saw a flash of green before he felt himself falling to the cold cement sidewalk, his folder sliding away. Wincing painfully, he shifted to assess damage, realizing there was a body beneath him. Scrambling to his feet, he reached to rub his aching knee, his other hand stretching out to help the young woman to her feet. "I'm sorry. Didn't see you flying by—"

“Flying by?” The blonde woman brushed off his hand, and got to her feet on her own. “You’re the one acting like you’re better than everyone else in this city. Go, go get in your little black car and go make your millions, see if I give a shit.”

Brian just stood there, What? Had that really just happened? He opened the door of the car and stepped in, his mind still reeling from the previous events. How could someone be so bitter?

*****

"Alexander McLean, you have such a way of getting yourself into such bullshit," AJ McLean muttered to himself as he strolled out of Johnny Wright's office. Still shaking his head over what he had signed up to do, he headed for the elevator. What did he know about jazzing up a website? Not a damn thing, he decided with a sigh. He had enough trouble remembering how to get to the official website, yet he had volunteered to be a creative consultant. "Because you're a sap for a challenge," he grumbled aloud as the elevator doors slid open.

"Whoops!" A smiling young woman nearly fell off the elevator, quickly righting herself. Wagging her fingers in his direction, she headed for Johnny's office at a run.

AJ turned his head, following her quick footsteps.

“Are you okay?” he called after her.

Blushing uncontrollably, the young woman turned and nodded, “Fine!” before darting down another hallway.

AJ smiled to himself. “And fine you are,” he laughed softly, gently pressing the elevator button down. Once inside he leaned against the elevator walls and sighed, God did he want a girlfriend. Someone to truly love him…
Chapter One ~ Second Chances by abbeyjo
Author's Notes:
Just wanted to thank y'all for the great reviews. :) When one of us has time, we'll start responding to the reviews. Thanks again! ~~ Abbey & Jo
Chapter One Second Chances

"Gabrielle!"

Hearing her name barked across the office, Gabrielle Lewis groaned, reluctantly lifting her head. Wincing at the bright fluorescent lights over her cubicle, she reached to rub her throbbing temples as her supervisor stormed towards her. With a wary glance at the clock she realized it was already noon, though it seemed as though she had only just gotten to work.

"What do you mean, coming in this late without so much as a call?!"

“Gabrielle seriously,” Her supervisor, Ron, ran a hand over his partially bald head, “Do you even realize how many times in this month alone I have had to talk to you about being late?” He sighed, “Did you get the song done for the new talent? The song I asked you to write three weeks ago?”

Gabrielle sighed, as she started to ruffle through the mounds of paperwork on her desk, “Uhm, I had it right here, I swear. What does it matter anyway, that girl can’t sing for shit!”

Ron’s eyes rolled back in his head, “I’ve had just about enough of this Gabrielle. You know how important your work is, and you should respect yourself enough to know how talented you are and how artists request you to write their songs. You can’t even get one written! Come see me in my office later…” He looked at his watch with a sigh. “Around one. I’ve got a deal for you.” He walked away and Gabrielle rolled her eyes, muttering a string of curse words as she quit her search for the song she hadn’t even started.

"So I've got time to run out for a quick lunch?" Gabrielle called after him, shoving a stack of papers into a drawer. Her eyes narrowed when she saw the half-empty bottle concealed behind a box of staples, and instinctively reached for it, though Ron's next words stopped her.

"As long as you're fucking sober when you get back…"

Rolling her eyes, Gabrielle slammed her drawer shut, patting her pockets to check on her cash situation. Wrinkling her nose when she saw one crumpled bill, she decided a bag of chips and soda in the break room was what she'd been hungry for.

Walking past the rest of the staff, who were all busy at work on songs of their own, she couldn't help but shake her head at their stupidity. It was only through her family that she had landed what she referred to as a boring job. Ron, her mother's cousin once removed, had given her a spot in his songwriting firm as a favor.

Favor. Gabrielle snorted at the thought, helping herself to one of the donuts lying on the counter in the staff room. Looping it on her finger, she purchased a bottled water and small bag of Doritos before heading outside to enjoy her lunch break in peace. Leaning against the concrete wall, she hastily lit a cigarette, wondering what kind of deal Ron had in mind.

"If he thinks I'm going to suck his dick just 'cuz he didn't fire me, he's got another think coming," she sighed before heading inside, belatedly remembering to put out her cigarette. Pushing it into a dying potted plant, she burst into Ron's office and flopped into the empty chair. "What's crack-a-lacking?"

Ron looked up from his stack of paper work, shaking his head. “So do you want to hear the deal or not?”

Gabrielle sat back in the chair, crossing her arms. "Why the hell not…”

“First of all, we’re going to have to get rid of that mouth of yours. And secondly, here is my deal for you. We got a request in from a Mr. Brian Littrell, you may have heard of him, one of the Backstreet Boys? 78 million albums?”

“Uhm you mean the Backdoor Boys?” She laughed, remembering the “gay” reference she’d heard in a bar one night.

Ron, obviously not impressed with her joke, raised an eyebrow and continued, “Anyway, he’s going solo and needs help on a few songs for his album. So,” He stood up and leaned against his desk, “I’ve decided that as a challenge you are going to be that person.”

Gabrielle shook her head, holding back a laugh, “So you want me to write some pussy pop crap for this hotshot?”

Ron laughed softly, wondering what her reaction would be to his next statement, “No, it's actually a Christian album.”

Gabrielle burst out laughing, “And you think I’m the person for the job? “ This had to be a joke; he couldn’t expect her to write a Christian song, let alone with some geeky pop “king”.

“Yeah I do. You see, you do this, or you lose your job. Simple as that. And to say no to this would be saying no to cold hard cash Gabrielle. Besides, I think it would be good to get a taste of what he wants these songs to say. Maybe it will help you clean up your act.”

“My act is just fine Ron--”

“Let me remind you of last Wednesday when you told one of our clients to, quote, ‘Fuck off you selfish bastard.’ Its time for something to change.”

Gabrielle sat up, immediately on the defensive. "He was a selfish bastard, Ron! The fucker wanted me to change the entire damn song for the fifteenth time! I'm not some damned trained monkey—"

"If a client isn't happy with a song, we make changes. That's how it goes, Gabrielle. Now I think it's time you go clean out your desk," Ron suggested, returning to his chair.

"Clean out my desk? I'm fired?!"

"No. Tomorrow morning you're flying to Tampa to join Mr. Littrell. Seeing as how you'll be writing songs for him, he thought it would be a good idea if you spend time with him so you would know who he really is. You'll be going on tour with him and the Backstreet Boys—"

"You've got to be fucking kidding me—"

"And if he calls me with one complaint, that's it, Gabrielle. I don't give a damn if you are my cousin's only child, I can only take so much. One complaint, and you're back in that crack house where I found you," Ron warned, tossing a brown envelope at her. "There's your flight information, hotel reservation for tomorrow night, and your pass to get backstage. Mr. Littrell will be expecting you Thursday at four o'clock at the arena."

"Fan-fucking-tastic," Gabrielle grumbled under her breath as she left his office.

*****

AJ twirled the keys around his fingers as he entered the New York office that next day. He had stayed up most of the night trying to figure out what to put up for the website. He wondered again why he had decided to do this. Didn't he have enough on his plate? He wondered as he knocked softly on Johnny Wright's office door.

Johnny's head shot up from his computer. "Hey!" He smiled as AJ walked in, slumping in the seat across from his desk.

In response, AJ yawned loudly. "'Sup?"

Johnny laughed softly. "Rough night?"

"Yeah, rough night. I stayed up most of the night trying to come up with ideas. Turns out, I don't know the first thing about making a website." AJ set a stack of papers on Johnny's desk.

Johnny raised his eyebrows, impressed. "Wow, man, I didn't know you had it in you. Well," he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his stomach, "I've got some good news for you, I hired someone to help you with the website. When I say help, I mean actually do. She's going to take over most of the work for you."

AJ laughed, "You mean to tell me I stayed up and did all that work for nothing?"

Johnny smiled, "No of course not, she's going to need all those notes so she can come up with something you guys will all like. She's actually going to be here in a few minutes. Sweet girl, shy as hell though."

AJ nodded, "Well, this sure takes a hell of a lot of weight off of my shoulders!" He stood up, going to leave as Johnny stopped him.

"Where are you going? You've still got to help her with the site."

"But… But you said she was going to—"

"Don't you think you could stick around and at least say hi to her? After all, she's going to be on the tour, the least you could do is be a gentleman—"

"Fine, fine. What's her name?" AJ asked as he flopped back down in the chair.

Johnny reached for a sheet of paper on his immaculately kept desk. "Lucy? No… Lucy is short for something, I've got it—"

"Mr. Wright?" a soft voice called from the other side of the door.

"Come on in, Lucy," Johnny replied, already getting to his feet. Shooting a glance at AJ, he motioned for him to stand as well.

Rolling his eyes, AJ stood, masking a yawn behind his hand as the door pushed open and a young woman entered the office. Immediately his hand dropped, his eyes lighting with recognition. "Hey, it's you!"

Large brown eyes appraised AJ for a moment, the most tentative of smiles touching the pleasant features of the young woman in front of him. "Yeah," she murmured with a nervous glance at Johnny.

"You know each other?"

"No, we—"

"She fell outta the elevator yesterday. Scared the be-Jesus out of me," AJ laughed, offering her his chair. "You sure you didn’t hurt yourself? I mean, you took quite a spill—"

"I always fall, so I'm okay," she murmured, keeping her eyes on the floor as she moved to sit down. Though she glanced up at him as he sat next to her.

"Right… Lucy, this is AJ, he's the creative consultant for the website. He's already gotten together quite a few ideas, and I've seen what you can do," Johnny assured her, motioning to the folders AJ had thrown onto his desk. "AJ, this is Lucia Romano. She's going to be following you and the others around like a lost puppy for the next few months."

"Sounds like Heaven," AJ whispered to himself, covering up his statement with a quick cough. Deciding his work was done, he hopped to his feet. "Sounds good. So I'll see you in Tampa, I guess? Nice to meet you, but I really have to run—"

"You're flying to Florida tomorrow, right?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah of course," He smiled as he lingered at the door for a moment, "The rest of the guys are too right?" He chuckled, turning his conversation to Lucy, "Wait 'till you meet the rest of the guys. Crazy bunch, well at least Brian and Nick are, Kevin just kinda sits there with those eyebrows of his. And Howie, well he just takes in everything. But anyway, I'll see you later then." He left the office and headed down stairs, gently laughing to himself at the wide eyed look Lucy had given him once he started rambling.

Johnny smiled politely at Lucy as she shuffled gently through AJ's stack of papers, "Interesting character isn't he?"

Lucy looked up, blushing slightly, "Oh...yeah he's very nice." She nodded, cocking her head at the strange drawing she had found on one of his papers. She hoped to God he didn't want to put that on the website.

"I hope you won't mind spending some time with them for the next couple weeks. It gets a little crazy, but I think you'll find you're place. So you're still up for it aren't you?"

Lucy nodded again. "Of course, sir."

Johnny laughed. "No need to be formal with me sweetheart, you can go ahead and take those papers if you want to go over them. God only knows what's on them."

She smiled standing up and straightening her knee length skirt. "So I'll see you tomorrow at the airport then?"

"Yes, I'll be there earlier then the rest of the bunch but feel free to show up whenever, as long as you make the flight. You have the list of everything you're going to need right?"

"Yes, I'm actually all packed," she said softly holding the papers close to her chest.

"Oh wow, well that's great." He stood up and shook her hand. "Nice to see you again Lucy, take care."

"You too, Mr. Wright." Lucia smiled as she started to walk out of his office.

"Lucy, just call me Johnny alright?"

She nodded and, with a small smile, "Johnny."
Chapter Two ~ Turbulence by abbeyjo
Author's Notes:


Note: Leighanne doesn't exist in this universe. We couldn't bring ourselves to kill her, and we know that Brian would never get a divorce, so it was a mutual agreement to just? Not have her at all. Thanks :)

Brian, Johnny, AJ, and Lucy waited patiently for their flight to start boarding that morning. Lucy sat across from the men diligently typing away on her Sidekick. AJ watched her silently, wondering what she could possibly be working on at this hour of the morning. He could barely even keep his eyes open, let alone work. She was dressed in jean capri pants, flip flops, a t-shirt that said "Miami" on the front, and her hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail.

"Whatcha workin' on?" he asked her quietly, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his thighs.

Lucy looked up startled, "Oh, uhm just checking what I worked on last night," she stated simply, focusing immediatley back on her Sidekick.

AJ nodded, smiling softly. She definitely was not a talker, and he was not used to women like that. He couldn't even remember a time when he met a woman and she didn't go on for hours about herself.

"Our jet is boarding," Johnny told them as he gathered his bags and started heading for the gates.

Brian checked his watch, sighing. "Where's the new girl, the writer? Wasn't she supposed to be here?" He hoped to God that he did not hire someone who wasn't even going to show up for the job.

Johnny checked his watch as well. "Yes, she was supposed to be here. But, we've really got to go. Hopefully she'll be able to get another flight out."

"Get your fucking dickbeaters off my shit!" a shrill voice came across the terminal, causing everyone within hearing distance to cringe.

Wincing at the string of curses that continued to be shouted, Brian reached for his cell phone, fumbling for the number to the writer's boss. Perhaps she had been delayed…

"Holy shit, if I'm going to work for the hotshits, they damn well better buy me some new luggage," a woman grumbled as she appeared, dragging her suitcase behind her. The small square case she toted in her left hand, held together by a length of duct tape, suddenly flew open, contents spilling across the floor. "Goddamnit!"

Forgetting his call, Brian shoved his phone away, already stooping down to scoop up the articles of makeup that rolled away from the woman as she dropped the case to the floor, grumbling a string of expletives that made his ears redden with embarrassment. When he straightened, holding out the items he'd gathered, he came face to face with her.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" she asked, snatching her things from his hand.

"Excuse me?" Brian managed; still shocked at the way she was speaking to him.

The woman huffed, snatching her belongings from his hands and stuffing them back in her bag. "You heard me. Please don't tell me you're the Angel I'm working for."

Brian looked over his shoulder to find AJ, Johnny, and Lucy just standing there watching this woman's actions wide eyed.

He sighed, and extended his hand to her, "Brian Littrell, and I take it you're Gabrielle Lewis."

Gabrielle rolled her eyes at his hand and walked towards the terminal, completely ignoring his kind gesture. Brian slowly let his hand fall to his side again, raising his eyebrows in disappointment before turning to follow the rest of the group.

"So this is the talent that Ron suggested?" he asked Johnny as he saw Gabrielle practically shove another passenger out of the way so she could push her way through.

"I'll find out…" Johnny immediately picked up his cell phone dialing Ron's number as they boarded the plane. Brian wondered how in the world he was supposed to write an inspiring album with the Wicked Witch of the West helping him with the lyrics. He heard Johnny arguing over the phone as they took their seats, Gabrielle sitting all the way in the back of the jet, headphones blaring with angry music.

"Ma'am I'm going to have to ask you to put that away until we are in the air, okay?" The stewardess politely asked when she saw Gabrielle's CD player.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." Gabrielle sighed pulling her headphones off. "Could you be so kind as to get me an alcoholic beverage?" she asked, using her best fake polite voice. "Anything, as long as it's loaded—"

"Uhm, I'm sorry ma'am but we're not allowed to serve alcoholic beverages on this flight." The stewardess explained, visibly flustered by Gabrielle's actions as she hurriedly left to check on the other passengers.

Brian sighed as he sat next to Johnny, wondering how this could be happening to him. Johnny hung up the phone and looked exhaustedly at Brian, "Well here's the deal. Ron promises me she has great talent, which to tell you the truth, I find extremely hard to believe considering her lovely vocabulary. But, he asks if you will give her a chance. That's all he asks, and if you don't think you can do it then feel free to send her home right now."

Brian thought for a moment, looking over his shoulder at Gabrielle, who had suddenly fallen asleep in her seat. What kind of man would he be not to give someone a chance, even if she seemed to be the Devil herself? Maybe she did have great talent, and if she didn't then Johnny was right, all he would have to do was send her packing.

"Alright." He nodded. "I'll give her a chance."

Across the aisle from Brian and Johnny, Lucia idly fiddled with the seatbelt, glancing nervously at AJ as he scrolled through messages on his Sidekick. "Uhm, there's empty seats…" she trailed softly, unnerved at his obvious decision to stay by her side the entire day. She had barely had a moment free of him. Not that she minded. She just wasn't quite sure what his motives were.

Glancing up, AJ nodded. "I thought we could go over some things for the site… Only if you want to, though?"

"Oh..." she unconsciously swallowed hard. he last thing she was good at was socializing. She glanced out the window and back at him, "Yeah that should be fine."

"Great!" AJ smiled, reaching down below him to grab some paperwork out of his backpack. "So I was thinking, it be awesome if we had our music playing right when you entered the site, you know like so people get the feel of what we're about, maybe get to check out the album while they visit, and all that. And I was also…"

Lucia just sat there wide eyed; did this man ever stop talking? She had to admit, it was endearing that he was so excited about his ideas, but she was a little overwhelmed with his approach. She couldn't even remember the last time a man talked to her this much, even if it was about work.

"Are these bad ideas? Is that why you aren't saying anything?" he asked sitting back in his seat as the plane began to take off.

Lucy bit her lip, the speeding rush of the plane unsettling her stomach a little bit.

"Are you okay? You look pretty pale." He asked gently putting hand on her shoulder.

She looked out the window, seeing them rise further and further into the air. Not a good idea, that only scared her more. "I...don't...like planes," she said softly, holding her stomach.

"Oh...God, well, hold on..." He reached for the "barf bag" in the front pocket of his seat, opening it and handing it to her, "Hold on to this, just in case okay? You want some water? A mint? Some gum? A magazine? What do you need?"

Lucia just looked wide eyed at him. How was she supposed to answer him when she felt like she was going to see her breakfast again at any moment.

He reached into his backpack and grabbed a bottle of water, "Here, take a sip, it might help."

Lucia gently tried to push it away, "No thank you AJ really...I...I'm--" Before she could say another word there went everything she had eaten that morning, and not all of it made it inside of the bag.

"Is she okay?" Brian asked, leaning across the aisle as the stewardess rushed over to clean up the mess.

"I'm…fine," Lucia whispered, turning to bury her burning face in the cloth offered by the stewardess. Mortified, she sank lower in the seat, wishing the flight were over.

"Who the hell barfed? What's the matter, Empress? Can't hold your cookies?" Gabrielle snorted from her seat. When Brian glanced back to offer her a glare, she made a face. "Sweet fuck, that shit stinks!"

Brian sat back in his seat, trying to maintain his composure, and not throw himself at Gabrielle in an angry rage, maybe if he ignored her she would go away.

AJ looked down at his pants noticing some of the mess had...splattered. His heart softened when he saw her face buried. "Lucia its okay," he assured her as the stewardess handed him more paper towels. He gently tried to rub her back, startled when she quickly jerked away. "Lucia can you look at me?" he asked as he started wiping his pants with the towel. "You don't have to be embarrassed."

Lucia slowly pulled the towel away from her face, but wouldn't look at him. He saw there were tears falling down her cheeks. God, she seemed so fragile.

"Thank you," she whispered after a moment, still tense under the hand that rested on her back. She felt the gentle squeeze on her shoulder, biting down on her bottom lip when he pulled his hand away. Closing her eyes, she pressed the towel to her face.

*****

Blatantly ignoring the 'No Smoking' sign posted just above her head, Gabrielle leaned against the wall, angrily flicking her lighter. "Damn worthless piece of shit," she grumbled around the cigarette clenched between her lips. Glancing around, she rolled her eyes when she saw the blonde guy peeking out of a dressing room. No doubt waiting for a string of women to fawn all over him, she thought, finally succeeding in lighting the lighter. Inhaling deeply, she rested her head back, closing her eyes as she listened to the distant chant of the fans outside the arena.

"You may want to put that out…" Lucia warned softly.

Lifting her head, Gabrielle glanced at the other woman, huffing out a cloud of smoke. "Look… What is it? Lucifer?" she asked with a sneer.

"Lucia…"

"What-the-fuck-ever. Look, I don't need a mother hen breathing down my neck, okay? I can take care of myself."

"Like you did at the airport?"

"Fuck off."

Lucia took a step back, clutching the expensive digital camera that AJ had trusted her with. She was on her way outside to take pictures of the fans waiting to get into the sound check. Nibbling on her bottom lip, she glanced around, wrinkling her nose as Gabrielle blew another plume of smoke in her face. The woman was evil, she decided, masking a cough behind her hand. When yet another cloud of smoke wafted in her direction, she lost her temper. "Whose dick did you suck to get this job?!" she blurted.

"Excuse me?" Gabrielle raised an eyebrow as pulled the cigarette slowly from her mouth. "Would you like to repeat that?"

"You heard me." Lucia said softly, her eyes serious. Who was this woman? And why did she think she could ruin everyone's time by being a complete bitch? There was no need for it, especially not when everyone had been nothing but nice to them.

Gabrielle threw her cigarette on the floor, stomping it out before looking at Lucia again. "So you do speak, and guess what? You might as well shut up 'cause it's annoying as hell."

Lucia shook her head. This wasn't the first time she was talked to like this. After a while she had just learned to ignore it. Suddenly, she remembered that night the man she once thought she loved threw her against a wall and told her she was worth nothing. Sighing, she started to walk outside.

"You're weak, you know that?" Gabrielle told her as she headed in the opposite direction, "Weak. As. Hell."

Stopping, Lucia turned to stare at her. "I may be weak, but at least I'm not a bitch," she said calmly. Her hands shook dangerously, and she held the camera to her chest.

"A bitch? I'm a bitch? You don't know shit about me!" Gabrielle hollered, whirling around to face her.

"Well, unless you're an angel in bitch's clothing, I've seen all I need to see—"

"Fuck you!"

Pursing her lips, Lucia glared at Gabrielle. "You're not my type!" she shouted.

Snorting, Gabrielle shook her head. "You may be weak as hell, but you're funny as shit…"

"I guess that's as close as I'll ever get to a compliment from you," Lucia muttered with a small smile.

"I'm Gabby, by the way."

"Lucia… But my friends call me Lucy," Lucia replied, stepping forward to offer her hand.

"So what's your deal here? Which one of the Backdoor Boys are you waiting on hand and foot?" Gabrielle asked, shaking her hand briefly.

"Neither… I'm the website correspondent. I'm on my way to take pictures of the fans outside… Want to join me? I can't wait to hear what delightful comments you'll have," Lucia mused as they headed for the exit.

"If one of them screams out that they want to marry the fat blonde guy, can I tell her I fucked him this morning and he was terrible?" Gabrielle asked with a wicked grin.

Lucia raised an eyebrow, "Whatever makes you happy. So, what's your deal here?" She asked mocking Gabrielle's tone.

Gabrielle smirked, following Lucia as she headed towards the mob of screaming fans outside, "You think they could shut up for three seconds," she muttered. "I'm writing songs I guess, for the Choir Angel. Should be hilarious considering I don't think I've ever stepped foot in a church."

Lucia started taking pictures of the fans, "Interesting, and they chose...you?"

Gabrielle crossed her arms, rolling her eyes as the fans screamed louder than ever as AJ appeared, protected by two bodyguards. "This is fucking ridiculous, might as well give him a throne and a crown the way these girls are worshiping him.'Oh AJ please take me off to your tour bus, make love to me, marry me! Ahh!!!' Bunch of bull shit!" she laughed.

Lucia just pushed Gabrielle's words out of her head as she snapped pictures of AJ posing with fans, his smile bright and genuine.

"Didn't I hear Choir Angel say AJ's helping you out?" Gabrielle asked as they walked along, keeping a distance from the throng of fans. She noticed Lucia's tentative smile as she watched the man.

"Oh! Yeah… He's creative consultant. I guess he's supposed to make sure I don't screw up…"

"You should do him," Gabrielle pointed out casually, nudging Lucia lightly in the ribs.

"Excuse me?! I should what?" Lucia asked, eyes wide.

"Do him. Come on, he's not too bad to look at, and you can tell just by looking at him that he's good in bed. Not to mention, you're hot shit. Hell, you could have any guy you wanted…"

Lucia busied herself reviewing the pictures she had taken. Deciding there were enough to choose from for uploading later, she turned to go back inside, hoping Gabrielle couldn't see her red cheeks. "I don't want any guy… And I couldn't do AJ. Technically, he's my boss, and I'm sure he doesn't want me that way—"

"Which sure as hell explains why he's checking out your ass now," Gabrielle interrupted with a smirk. "Are you riding on his bus? I'm stuck with the Angel. He probably won't even let me have a cold beer."

"Yeah, I'm riding on his bus," Lucia said opening the door and holding it open for Gabrielle.

"Perfect! You should just pounce on his skinny ass!"

Lucia raised an eye brow as she started walking down the hall. "Yes, as the girl that puked on him. That's a great idea."

Gabrielle burst out laughing, "Oh yeah! Ha! I remember that now, priceless shit that was."

Lucia's cheeks reddened again, "Yeah it was really great." She walked into a room where she had set up her laptop, and gently laid the camera down on the desk. Gabrielle leaned against the wall and started to light up another cigarette.

"Oh get over it, its not like you killed the man." She laughed again, blowing a big cloud of cigarette smoke into the room.

Lucia waved her hand in front of her face, "Do you have to smoke twenty-four seven?"

Gabrielle shrugged, "Gives me something to do."

"Shouldn't you maybe get started on what you're getting paid to do?" Lucia asked sitting down in front of her computer.

"Eh, maybe later."

Rolling her eyes, Lucia uploaded the pictures to her computer, clicking the mouse hurriedly as she rotated and adjusted the tone of some. It occurred to her that Gabrielle was a slacker, and she wondered how she had managed to get the job as Brian's assistant, writer, whatever she was supposed to be doing.

The door burst open suddenly, causing both women to jump as Brian burst into the room, full of energy. "Hey, Lucy, I've got that write up on the Club you wanted—" he cut off, seeing the cigarette dangling from the corner of Gabrielle's mouth. "Put that thing out! Right now!" he demanded, eyes narrowing.

"Jesus Christ, it's just a—"

"Please?" Brian requested carefully as Lucia reached for the paper he held. He barely noticed, so irritated with Gabrielle he was dangerously close to sending her back to New York. "I don't mind that you're killing yourself, but my son's here, and I really don't like people smoking around him. Not to mention, it's not allowed—"

"You have a son?" Gabrielle interrupted, raising one brow as she dropped the cigarette to the floor, stomping it out with the toe of her sandal. "You mean to say your virginal tight ass loosened up long enough to procreate?"

"Do you always have something smart to say?" he asked, deciding not to tell her that his son was adopted, it wasn't her business anyway.

Gabrielle smiled. "Usually, so where is the little squirt?"

Brian raised an eyebrow. Never had a woman confused him so much as the one before him. One minute she was saying every curse word ever invented the next she was asking where his son was? How was he even going to begin to work with her? "He's playing with Kevin right now…"

Lucia noticed the strange exchange between the two of them. "I'd like to meet him sometime, what's his name?" Lucia offered to break the tension

Brian turned towards Lucia with a smile, "It's Baylee, and of course you can meet him. He's already quite the ladies' man. He's a little heartbreaker…"

Lucia smiled standing up. "Awe, well he sound's like a sweetheart."

Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "Just like his daddy right?" she asked sarcastically.

Brian didn't even look at her; instead he extended his hand to Lucia. "C'mon I'll introduce you."
Chapter 3 ~ Afraid by abbeyjo
Author's Notes:
Henceforth, this story will be updated on Fridays. We want to thank you all for the reviews, they are greatly appreciated, and one day, one of us will get around to actually replying to them. :)
Chapter Three ~ Afraid

"She dodges! She shoots! She scores!" Gabrielle shrieked as the foam ball fell through the small basketball hoop in the lounge area backstage. Pumping her arms as she did a victory dance, she turned to the small boy who eyed her warily. Composing herself, she let out a small laugh at his curious expression. "What'd I do?"

"Silly Gabby," Baylee sighed, running to get the ball. "You just like Daddy!"

Gabrielle blanked, her eyes widening slightly as Baylee scooped up the ball. "Good God, don't peg me with—" she cut off when the door burst open and Brian flew into the room, followed by the others. Walking away from them, she began picking up the toys that Baylee had strewn during the concert.

"Lucy play tomorrow?" Baylee asked hopefully, before turning to see his father. "Daddy!" he squealed, rushing up to greet him.

Gabrielle glanced over her shoulder to see Brian scoop Baylee into his arms, holding him close. She had to admit, he was raising a pretty decent kid. Though she got the idea he was a spoiled brat, or at least could act like one. Her knee still stung from being kicked earlier, thought Lucia had informed her she deserved it for cussing up a storm. Rubbing it gingerly, she moved to put the toys away. Lucia had all but abandoned her during the concert, popping out of the room constantly to go see parts of the show. If Gabrielle didn't know better, she would swear the woman was a fan. Though she had already flipped through Lucia's CD collection, finding only country, with a little rock and some r&b mixed in. No evidence whatsoever of a pop crush.

"Did you like the show?" AJ asked Lucia as he peeled off his shirt, preparing to run take a quick shower before it was time to get on the bus.

Lucia quickly tore her eyes away from his bare chest, suddenly very interested in the large bucket of ice containing sodas and bottled water. "It was nice," she murmured, cheeks flaming at his forwardness. Telling herself to snap out of it, she feigned a smile, turning to put her camera away. Good Lord, she had to share a bus with the man. Would he constantly be stripping?

"Everything alright?" He smiled gently reaching in front of her for a bottle of water.

Refusing to look at AJ, Lucia concentrated on the hem of her t-shirt. "Oh... Yeah, fine."

"You're not still embarrassed about the plane thing are you?" He put the bottle of water up to his lips, carefully studying her.

Oh, he had to bring that up again didn't he? "Oh well, I'm still… I mean, I'm so, so, so sorry about that--"

"Sweetheart, what did I tell you? You don't have to be sorry or embarrassed." AJ laughed gently. "Alright I'm gonna go jump in the shower, but as soon as I'm done will you be ready to hit the road?" He bent his head trying to find her hiding eyes.

She managed to look up at him. "Yes, of course," she murmured.

There she was. AJ smiled at her. "Great, I'll be back. Don't let Gabrielle get you into any trouble," he teased reaching up to gently ruffle her hair.

Gabrielle crossed her arms, watching Lucia and AJ's interaction. She gently nudged Brian in the stomach. "Would you look at those two? She should just jump him right now!"

Baylee laughed, "JUMP!" He repeated.

Brian's eyes narrowed as he gently covered Baylee's ears.

"Oh, sorry." Gabrielle laughed.

"So are you only nice around kids?" Brian smirked. "Well... I shouldn't say nice."

"Gabby nice, Daddy," Baylee informed him with a grin. "Her play b-ball like you!"

"You play basketball?" Brian asked incredulously as Baylee slid down to get his drink.

"Well, yeah… When I have enough energy," Gabrielle shrugged, watching Baylee.

"Maybe if you laid off the booze for a while, you'd—"

"Are you insinuating I have a drinking problem?" Gabrielle asked heatedly, her brown eyes narrowing. "'Cuz I don't. I just drink to have a little fun. To relax. Which is something you might want to try sometimes."

Brian sucked in a breath, reminding himself of his earlier promise to give her a chance. "You're right," he finally replied, smiling with satisfaction when her eyes widened. "But now you better get your stuff together. The buses are leaving soon. And lucky me, I get to enjoy your wonderful company all night!" he said brightly.

Lucia bit back a smile at Brian's words, glancing to Gabrielle as he headed to get a shower. "Maybe you should just jump him?" she suggested with a soft giggle.

Gabrielle rolled her eyes, giving Lucia a smirk. "Sorry but he's not my type." She leaned and whispered, "I'd be surprised if he's ever been jumped before!"

Lucia laughed softly as soon as the men left the room. "Oh whatever, have you seen the man?" She could easily imagine women lining up to jump him…

Gabrielle raised her eyebrows. "So you do have a teeny bopper crush on all of them!"

"What! I do not!" Lucia exclaimed defensively, going to put away her laptop.

"Well at least you do on nakie-lover-boy. Which I can't understand why, that man is hairier than a fucking gorilla!"

"He is not! And I don't have a crush." Lucia picked up her laptop case and started walking away. She had no desire to talk about AJ. Least of all to Gabrielle.

Gabrielle just laughed. "Alright, you can deny it, but I see it. What are you so afraid of anyway?"

Lucia turned around. "What do you mean? I'm not afraid."

Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "Oh right, that's why you turn three shades of red whenever he comes around. Or really anyone. He's just a man!"

Lucia bit her lip, and turned back around heading out the door. "I don't really feel like talking about this right now."

"See? You are afraid."

Lucia paused in the doorway, gripping the strap to her laptop case. "Maybe I am. But at least I don't hide my fear behind a bottle of booze," she murmured before leaving.

Gabrielle stared at the empty doorway, dangerously close to storming after Lucia and blessing her out. Instead, she snatched up her backpack, helping herself to several sodas and bottled water before heading out to the buses. Realizing she had no idea which one she was supposed to get on, she tossed her things to the ground, leaning against the wall for one last cigarette. She had to get enough nicotine in her system to last the trip, knowing Brian wouldn't let her so much as smell a cigarette.

*****

Lucia sat quietly in her seat, her laptop sitting gently on her lap as she typed away. AJ watched her from the couch where he was absentmindedly flipping through the channels on the television. What was this woman's deal? Did she have a boyfriend? Did she always work?

"Lucy," he called. "Is it alright if I call you that? Come here, put your work away, relax for a little while."

Lucia looked back at him and gulped slightly. He was sprawled out on the other couch, wearing a white wife beater and black track pants and smiling sweetly at her. "Oh, yes that's fine, you can call me Lucy." She went back to her work. "I'm sorry but I've just got a lot of work to do."

AJ nodded, he had figured she would say that. "Well, if you're not going to come to the fun, the fun is just going to have to come to you." AJ got up and sat next to her peering over her shoulder to see what she was working on.

Lucy just stared at him.

"Wow, that looks great." He smiled, impressed. "I didn't realize you had so much talent Lucy, that's really something."

"Oh," she blushed, "Well... thanks."

"So tell me a little about yourself. Where are you from? Do you have a boyfriend? Any kids? A mom? A cat?" He laughed softly.

"Oh, well my life isn't very interesting." She said shaking her head before closing the laptop.

"You never know until you tell someone about it," AJ reminded her, taking the laptop to set it aside. Making himself comfortable on the couch, he flipped on the TV, grinning when he realized Finding Nemo was on. "Alright! I love this movie!"

Shaking her head with a laugh, Lucia pulled her legs under her, reaching for her soda. Keeping her eyes on the screen, she fiddled with the frayed hem of her jeans. "I'm from Virginia," she murmured after several long moments.

"Why do you keep trying to hide that accent?" AJ asked softly. He had first noticed it in Johnny's office, though since then it had seemed as though she were trying to hide the fact she was Southern from everyone else.

"I don't… Okay I do. But people tend to think if you talk like this, you're just a dumb hick who belongs in some mountain shack, barefoot with your front teeth missing and a dozen inbred kids running around." Offering him a small smile, she took a sip of her soda.

AJ tilted his head to one side. "Just so I know, can you smile and show me just how many teeth you have missing?" he teased with a grin.

Lucia gave him a cheesy smile.

"Zero." He nodded, "And don't hide that accent, its adorable--OH, OH, I LOVE THIS PART! 'Nemo's schwhimming out to scheea!'" He laughed, gently nudging her with his elbow, nearly spilling her soda all over her lap, "That’s good stuff right ther--Oh, sorry!" He jerked up, checking her over to make sure he didn't get any soda on her.

"I'm alright, it was a close one though." She smiled.

"So you didn't answer my other question." AJ said leaning back.

"What question was that?"

"The one about the boyfriend." He looked away from the TV and raised his eyebrows at her, "And don't tell me you don't have one."

Lucia sighed, remembering not to long ago when she could have answered, Yes, I do, to that question. She had stayed with that man for so long, her heart breaking every day she didn't run away. "No… I don't," she answered finally, her voice delicate.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm just too busy, you know?" she covered, not making eye contact with him.

"No I know what you mean, I mean look at me. But don't worry men are trouble, stay away from 'em." He grinned, teasing her.

"You're telling me," Lucia whispered. When AJ hopped up, she bit her lip nervously. "You're not about to start stripping again, are you?" she asked warily, already prepared to cover her eyes.

AJ laughed. "Why do you want me to?"

Lucia just looked at him wide eyed.

"Lucy don't get you're panties in a twist I was just kidding." He grinned reaching to ruffle her hair as he went to grab a snack, "You want anything?"

"No I'm all set, thank you," she answered, wondering why he thought he could mess up her hair constantly. She brushed it back to its neat condition, "I really better get back to work."

With a groan, he sat down next to her again. "No, no, no, no, no. I told you to relax! You've been working all day." He studied her. "Are you afraid of me or something? Cause I think I'm a pretty nice, easy going guy but I could be wrong."

Lucy sighed. "No you're very nice AJ, I just...have a lot of work to do."

"It can wait, trust me. Besides I'm pretty much your boss, well not really, but I want you to relax." He could almost feel his heart breaking as he saw the pained look on her face. "Lucy, honestly, you've got to tell me. Do you not want to be here?" He asked softly, tilting his head to find her eyes.

"No, not that," she said quickly, shaking her head for emphasis. "I like having you around… I just…" Looking towards the TV, she smiled slightly before turning to look at AJ. "Hi, I'm Dory!"

"You… You're crazy, yanno?" AJ asked her with a laugh. "So, what about my other questions?"

"Like I can remember what questions you're talkin' about… You're like a darn three year-old sometimes," she teased good naturedly, reaching to pull her hair into a ponytail before he could muss it up again.

"Kids?"

"Lord, no…" Blushing, she kept her eyes on the TV. "I'm a virgin," she murmured softly.

"You're a virgin?!" he squeaked, realizing he said that a little louder than he should have, "I'm sorry." He cleared his throat. "It's just really hard to believe." A virgin? This woman before him was simply gorgeous, how could no man have gotten to her yet?

"Hard to believe?" she repeated with a sarcastic laugh. "Not exactly." Oh, why did she let that slip out, now it was going to turn into a huge discussion she knew she didn't want to have.

"Well yeah it is, Lucy you're gorgeous," he said softly. "And whether you know it or not you've got sex appeal, you've just got to let it shine through more often. "

What!? Had he really just said that? "AJ you don't know that you just met me yesterday."

"That doesn't mean anything, every woman is sexy Lucy. It's just about how much they let show."

"So you mean I need to be slutty?" she asked, not understanding.

"Lord no, no that's not what I mean. Stand up for a second."

"What? No!" she automatically refused.

He stood up and reached for her hand. "Oh come on just stand up, I'm not going to hurt you."

She chewed on her bottom lip staring at him.

"Please?" he asked.

"Oh alright." She stood across from him. "Now why am I doing this?"

"Okay there, there you. Look at the way you're standing!"

Lucy gave him a strange look. "What do you mean?" She looked down at her hands crossed politely in front of her.

"You're slouching for one." He reached behind her and pressed on her back lightly making her stand up straighter. He then gently unclasped her hands and set them at her sides. "Confidence Lucy, confidence is sexy." He told her, his voice low, sending shivers down her spine.

"But I feel like my boobs are sticking out ten feet," Lucia muttered, returning to her usual stance. "Confidence may be sexy, AJ, but I never will be… Besides, I prefer to just fade into the background…" she trailed softly, biting her lip when she saw his hurt expression. "Sorry, AJ. I know you were just trying to help—"

"Who was he?" AJ interrupted, settling back on the couch again.

"Who?" Lucia asked softly, confused.

"The one who ripped you to pieces—"

"No one ripped me to pieces. I've always been—"

"A shell?"

"Excuse me?"

"A shell. You're here, you're talking, but when I look in your eyes I can see that something's missing."

"Are you saying I'm crazy, AJ?" she asked carefully, shifting her gaze to the TV again. She couldn't believe they were having this conversation.

"Of course not… I can just tell that something's—" AJ cut off when he saw her wipe her face. "Oh, Lucy… Come on, don't cry… I'm sorry. C'mere," he murmured, reaching for her hand. For a brief moment he thought she would push it away, but she slowly slid her hand into his. Before she could say anything, he gently pulled her into his lap. "If you want me to back off, just say so, okay?" he whispered as she wiped her face on her t-shirt.

Lucy just nodded, for some reason not able to pull away from him.

"You'll tell me sometime won't you?" he asked, gently rubbing her arm.

She nodded again, focusing mindlessly on the TV. Why was she letting her self get close to a perfect stranger?

*****

Gabrielle lay slumped on the couch on Brian's bus, an empty bottle of beer clasped in one hand and the other curled across her stomach.

Brian looked up at her from his writing and sighed. She was supposed to be helping him, but said that she was 'Too damn tired to write.'

"Daddy?" Baylee asked softly as he shuffled into the living room area of the bus. Rubbing his eyes sleepily, he clutched his stuffed Nemo to his chest. "Can't sleep," he complained with a yawn.

"C'mere," Brian murmured, pulling his son onto the couch next to him. With a derisive glance in Gabrielle's direction, he nudged her hard. "Wake up," he hissed.

Stirring, Gabrielle rolled to her side, letting the empty bottle fall to the floor with a thump. "What?" she groaned, sitting up.

"Would you mind either getting in your bed or getting to work?" he asked quietly gently kissing the top of Baylee's curly head. "I'm going to watch a movie with Baylee 'cause he can't sleep."

Gabrielle rubbed her eyes and dragged her self across the bus to one of the bunk beds.

"So I take it that means you're not going to get to work?"

"I'll start tomorrow," she grumbled. "You don't even have a show tomorrow, we can write then...if I have to."

Brian just shook his head turning on a Disney movie for Baylee. If Brian was able to hate anyone, he was pretty sure she'd be the woman.

"Night Baylee." Gabrielle said softly curling under the blankets.

Baylee smiled, "Night Gab-elle!" He said waving.

Biting back a sigh, Brian shifted Baylee onto the couch, reaching for a blanket to tuck over his legs. He knew Baylee would fall asleep in moments. Kissing the top of his son's head, he headed for the bunks. Sitting on the edge of the one Gabrielle occupied, he tugged the blanket down. "What the hell is your problem?" he asked in a soft murmur, not wanting Baylee to overhear their conversation.

"What the hell do you mean?" She asked, definitely not in whisper.

Brian's eyes glared, "Would you please be quiet, my three year old son is in the room." He whispered.

"Fine." She huffed sitting up.

"Answer my question." He repeated.

"I'm not going to answer your bullshit question Brian, I'm working for you, you don't need to know anything about me."

"Why don't I? How do you expect us to work together if you don't open up and share even one tiny piece of yourself? You've built the damn Wall of China around yourself, but it's no use, Gabrielle. I can see right through it," Brian told her.

"And tell me, oh Great One, what you see?" Gabrielle asked, tugging the blanket from his hands.

"I see someone so damned scared of being hurt she just shuts everybody out. How do you plan on making it in the world if you never let anybody in?"

What?! How did he know? "Oh whatever Brian." She huffed turning her head away from him, "I didn't have this conversation with my parents. I didn't have it with my boss. I didn't have it with any of the friends I lost when they told me I was a bitch and I certainly don't want to have it with you. I've known you for what 24 seconds and you're already grilling me?"

"Your boss made a deal with you didn't he? You do this or you lose your job. Do you really want to lose your job? You're supposedly talented, you're making a lot of money, why are you going to give it up just so you can be rude to everyone?"

Gabrielle sighed, "No, I don't want to lose my job."

"Then you better shape up Gabrielle or I will be sending you home, and you will lose your job."

Gabrielle turned to look at him, sighing when she saw he was already standing up. "Brian?" she asked softly, nervously twisting the blanket between her fingers.

"Yeah?"

"I'm…sorry," she murmured.

"What was that?" he asked, turning to look at her, one eyebrow raised.

"I'm sorry," she sighed.

"Couldn't hear you," he said, holding a hand over his ear, his lips twitching to keep from grinning.

"You are an ass," she hissed with a smirk, throwing her pillow at him. "I'm sorry!"
Chapter Four ~ Soon by abbeyjo
Author's Notes:
*clears throat* Yes, we're a day late... Sorry. And yes, we used the lyrics from Gone Without Goodbye. Lyrics at the end of the chapter are from Woman, as performed by Maroon 5 (a totally kick-tail band with many kick-tail songs, in our humble opinions). Enjoy, thanks for reading, and we'll be back next Friday with another update! (Honest... The days kind of slipped by without us realizing. Whoops!)
"Still think I'm an ass?" Brian asked as he pushed the box of fresh Krispy Kreme donuts across the table to Gabrielle as she sipped her coffee. "Donuts aren't on my diet, but I figured they'd suffice to call a truce?"

"A truce?" Gabby repeated softly, wincing when Brian reached to jerk the blinds up. When he sat back across from her, she lifted her gaze to his face, nibbling slowly on a warm donut as he leaned across the narrow kitchenette to retrieve the cream from the small fridge. She hadn't noticed before how blue his eyes were, how they seemed to see straight into her soul. Taking a quick sip of her coffee, she glanced out the window at the parking lot the bus was sitting in. Though, her gaze was immediately drawn back to him. When he offered her a smile, she returned it tentatively, reaching for the cream.

"I shouldn't have pried last night… I'm sorry for that. Whatever demons you may be fighting are your own, and none of my business. When and if you ever feel like sharing, I just want you to know I'll be here," Brian assured her softly, watching her pour a generous amount of cream into her coffee.

"Thank you," she whispered, pushing the cream towards him. Wary over his sudden attitude, she fiddled with her spoon, idly tapping it against the rim of her coffee cup. "I guess you'll be riding my ass now?"

Brian snorted, nearly choking on his coffee. "I'm sorry?" he squeaked, coughing. "I don't plan on riding your ass…" he trailed, blushing.

Gabrielle grinned wickedly. "Such a virginal Choir Angel," she cooed sweetly.

Brian raised an eyebrow. "Making assumptions, not always a good idea," he warned.

"And why is that?" she questioned running hand through her hair.

Brian sighed. "What do you say we get to work? Considering that is what you're actually here to do—"

"Oh har, har. I know what I'm here to do," she said resting her head in her hands and yawning loudly. "I just can't seem to wake up."

"Well," Brian handed her a pen and paper, "let's see what you got."

Gabrielle lifted her head slowly. "I can't just start writing," she told him gently pushing the paper back in his direction.

"Well, considering that's what you're getting paid to do," he laughed, pushing it back and giving her a grin, "that is exactly what you're going to do." He stood up and walked over to his bag, grabbing a large notebook and sitting down beside her. "This, Gabrielle, is everything I've written for my solo album this far. It's got notes, ideas, and random scribbles. Take a look at it; maybe you'll get an idea."

Gabrielle leaned back in her chair taking a large swig of coffee. "Listen Choir Angel, unfortunately I've got some bad news for you. I don't know the first thing about writing a Christian song, and to tell you the truth I don't exactly think I'm on the Big Man Upstairs' good list."

Brian shook his head, "How do you know that?"

Gabrielle raised her eyebrows, "Uhm, I think you know my personality. But just in case you forgot, I'm not really fond of anyone really, and no one is really fond of me."

"Baylee is 'fond' of you." He stated simply.

"Brian he's 3 years old, he's fond of a stuffed animal." She rolled her eyes.

Brian smiled. "Okay, okay, well you at least believe don't you?"

Gabrielle shrugged, last time she checked that was a big, big no. And even if she did, she was sure that He hated her. After everything she'd been through, after everything He took...

"You don't have to answer that. How about we start small? Go ahead and read what I've written and tell me what you think, alright?"

"Okay," she relented with a sigh, taking the notebook. "If it'll get you to stop riding my ass…" Flipping through the notebook, she read over some of the lyrics he had jotted down. Words of faith, love… Hope. Taking a deep breath, she nodded to herself. She could handle this. Skimming over several pages, she paused when she reached the back, reading over four lines repeatedly. "…Who did you write that for?" she murmured, pointing to them. "I am amazed, for how can it be that someone like you would love someone like me," she whispered.

"Oh… Nobody… I just jotted it down when it hit me," Brian answered softly. "I have no idea what it'll turn into, if anything… It's always a possibility for the next Backstreet album, I guess."

Nodding, Gabrielle returned to the notebook, flipping pages back and forth. Shaking her head, she shut it gently before placing it on the table. "You actually believe all that hokey shit?" she asked before her inner censor could stop her.

Brian turned to check if his son was in the room before facing her again. "Hokey shit?" he repeated, raising his eyebrows before lowering his head. "Gabrielle, that is my faith, and it's the most important thing in the world to me, you know that? It's what takes me from day to day, it's what keeps my son and I alive, and it's what makes me breathe easy and even break down and scream on some days. But that's what it is." He sighed. "You know what, I think its time for you to go home, I don't think I can take anymore of this."

Gabrielle swallowed hard lowering her head. "Brian I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said—"

Brian shook his head. "I don't know what Ron was thinking sending you here."

"Look," she said sighing and taking the piece of paper in front of her, "I've had a lot of trouble having faith within the last couple of years. I'll behave, Brian."

"Are you going to tell me why? What happened?" His eyes gently ran over her, and he bit back a sigh. She could be pretty...if she watched her mouth every once in a while.

"How about I write it instead?"

He nodded, "Perfect. Let me know when it's ready."

Bending over the paper, Gabrielle began to write, paying no attention to the words as they flowed from the pen. Silent tears slipped from her eyes, splashing against the paper as she poured out her heart into her lyrics, perhaps for the first time ever. Once finished, she dropped the pen to the table and wordlessly handed the paper to Brian.

Taking it, Brian glanced at the scribbled lyrics, wondering how she had come up with what seemed to be a complete song in such a few minutes. Clearing his throat, he sat back in his seat, reading the words carefully.

Have you seen my son
Not too tall, five-eight
She held up a color copy photograph
From his wedding day
And this is his pregnant wife
Carrying his last dream
He walked down forty-six floors
Before he felt the rush
The rush of gasoline

I can feel the pain
Looking in their eyes
But I don't know gone
Without goodbye
If I could reach the sky
I'd bring him right back to your arms
Though I haven't seen your son
He's forever in my life


Brian glanced up at Gabrielle, who was staring out the window, her arms folded over her chest. The words brought a lump to his throat, and he could only imagine the pain of losing a son, a husband, a soon-to-be father.

Have you seen my little girl
She's got curly black hair
She took this Raggedy Anne doll everywhere
Last I saw her everywhere
Then I heard a choir of screams
And a speeding van
I watched his tears pour down
A father's last attempt
At being a rational man

I can feel the pain
Look into his eyes
But I don't know gone
Without goodbye
If I could reach the sky
I'd bring her right back to your arms
Though I haven't seen your girl
She's forever in my life


"Excuse me," Gabrielle whispered suddenly, pushing herself away from the table abruptly. Though she shielded her face, Brian was certain she was crying. The door banged open, thumping shut behind her. He felt an ache in his heart, wondering again how she was able to let everything out in a matter of moments on paper.

Have you seen my faith
It can run and it can hide
Jesus mend this breaking heart of mine
It keeps our love alive

I can feel the pain
Look into my eyes
But I don't know gone
Without goodbye
If I could reach the sky
I'd try to turn the world around
So that we could see the face
And forever stay alive


With shaky hands, Brian placed the paper back on the table, resting his palms against the cool surface as he took a deep breath. Tears burned his eyes, threatening to spill at any second. Looking down, he closed his eyes tightly, knowing he would never again look on Gabrielle with anything but the utmost respect.

"I didn't mean to make you cry," Gabrielle whispered from the doorway.

Brian walked over to the door and rested gently against it. "No... I'm sorry. Gabrielle, I...I had no idea. I really...can we, can you....talk about it?"

Gabrielle sat on the toilet seat, her head in her hands as she gently tried to compose herself. Why did she have to write that song? She probably would have been better off quitting her job, going back to her life being a bitch for what seemed like no reason. It was easier that way. Wasn't it?

"Not now," she whispered after a moment, wiping her eyes with the hem of her t-shirt. "Soon… I promise… Just not now, okay, Brian?" she murmured, glancing up at his worried expression.

"Okay… How about once we get to the hotel you take the rest of the day off? You can relax in your room or wherever… I need to spend some time with Baylee," Brian said, handing over a box of tissues.

Nodding, Gabrielle accepted the tissues. "Thanks," she whispered.

*****

Settling on the couch, Lucia pulled her legs beneath her. Too keyed up from the concert to even think about sleep, she had decided to type up a brief outline of the show. AJ would fill in the details in the morning, no doubt, embellishing them quite a bit as he did so, allowing her to sleep in. Masking a yawn behind her hand, she had to smile at the thought of AJ. She was slowly growing accustomed to the man, having spent more than a week in his company. Even on his time off, it seemed he found some reason to hang around with her.

His band mates, however, were a completely different story. Though they were nice, polite, allowing her into their inner circle, she couldn't shake the feeling that they thought of her as an outsider. It was obvious, the way conversations would abruptly end when she walked into a room. It seemed her only real companions on the tour were AJ, Gabrielle, and Baylee. Gabrielle was quickly becoming a friend and confidante, the loud and boisterous friend that Lucy had always wanted. Nothing, it seemed, was too far out for Gabrielle to say.

Though, Lucia decided as she began to type, she could do without Gabrielle's constant encouragement to throw herself at AJ. Throw herself at him… Right. Ever since blurting out that she was a virgin, he had treated her as though she were some priceless piece of china. He hadn't tousled her hair once since that first night of the tour. Pouting slightly, she reached for her can of Pepsi. "Maybe I scared him off," she mused aloud, unaware the man of her thoughts was standing in the kitchenette watching her.

"Scared who off?" AJ asked stepping into the room.

Lucia felt her heart jump about fifty miles in the air, and she gasped loudly.

AJ laughed, moving over to sit next to her. "I didn't mean to jump you! So who did you scare off again?" he asked as she slapped her laptop shut.

"Oh, well, uhm… Just this guy I was talking to online," she covered quickly, blushing and turning away.

AJ raised his eyebrow with a laugh. "And who is this guy? Let me guess, BigDick06 or MeHorny3004?"

"What!? AJ!! That is not who I was talking to!" she exclaimed, surprised by his words.

"Then who was it?!" he laughed reaching for the laptop.

"A very nice man!" she lied pushing the laptop further away from him.

"What's his name?" he asked stretching his arm out further.

"BJ." She answered quickly, also a complete lie.

"BJ!!" AJ burst out laughing, "And what does, ahem, 'BJ' look like?"

Lucia blushed. "Oh you know tall, dark, and handsome, a little scruffy around the edges. But, I told him I wasn't interested."

"Did he cry into his pillow?" AJ asked, finally grasping the edge of the laptop. Edging it closer to him, he gave her a grin.

"AJ, you are so nosy," Lucia complained. "And, no, he didn't cry into his pillow…"

"Has he seen a picture of you?"

"Yeah…" This lie was going to kill her, she just knew it. Keeping a firm grip on the laptop, she slid down the couch, sticking out her tongue when he sighed in frustration.

"So instead of crying into his pillow, he went and jacked off in the bathroom—"

"AJ!"

"What?! Any man would admit to jacking off thinking of you," AJ informed her, grinning wickedly as he slid closer.

"So, do you jack off thinking of me?" Lucia asked sweetly, hopping to her feet just as he reached for the laptop.

"Lucia!"

"Its a legitimate question! You said it first! Besides, BJ is not that kind of man."

AJ sat back on the sofa smirking at her, "I thought you were shy, and not good at talking to men."

"Well..." She cleared her throat. "BJ is easy to talk to, and he's very nice. He's also a very talented singer." She knew there was no way he could possibly believe her, because this was just getting ridiculous.

"So," AJ said holding back a laugh, "What kind of songs does he sing?"

Lucia blushed putting her laptop in her case. "Oh you know, uhm...country, rap."

"Country, rap? Hmmm... Okay Lucy seriously you don't have to tell me who you were talking about but I know it's not this imaginary friend of yours," AJ stated, laughing as he shook his head..

"AJ," Lucia groaned, shaking her head. "It's nothing… I was just ruminating," she murmured, glancing over at him.

"Ruminating… Right." AJ nodded, watching her gentle movements as she stowed the laptop case on the shelf beside the TV. "Can I ask a question?"

"You mean for once, you're going to ask my permission before butting in?" she teased with a soft giggle as she flopped onto the opposite end of the couch.

Rolling his eyes, AJ laid back on the couch, idly scratching his chest as he looked at her. Her sun-streaked dark brown hair was loose around her shoulders, her chocolate brown eyes wide and twinkling with amusement. Her smile, tentative as always, for once didn't look strained. He couldn't help wondering again who had made her self-conscious. Who the man was that had broken her down so badly. He wondered suddenly if he should even attempt to offer her friendship, realizing with a pang that she would probably turn him down in a heartbeat. But… He wanted to try.

"Well?" she murmured after a moment. "Ask away, Ajie…"

"Ajie?"

"It sounded good…"

"You remember last week when you said you liked to fade into the background? Is there a reason?" he asked softly.

"AJ… I… I learned the hard way that the spotlight's not for me. I wasn't made to stand out in a crowd, to have people look at me."

"Have you not noticed two of my band mates looking at you every chance they get?"

"Who?" Lucia asked, raising her brows in confusion.

"Well Howie and Nick definitely, Kevin looks too but he's married so it can't count."

Lucia rolled her eyes. "Oh whatever AJ. I don't know why you want to know this about me."

AJ looked at her, propping his head up on his hand, "Why not? We're working together. You're on tour with us. I just...want to know why a person with a beautiful personality won't show it to the rest of the world."

Lucia sighed, "In case you don't remember, I also said last week that I didn't exactly want to talk about it."

AJ nodded. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"It's alright," she said softly. "But...I should say, thank you AJ. For how nice you've been to me since we met."

He smiled gently at her, resting a hand on top of hers, "You're very welcome. You're a sweet girl-" he automatically corrected himself, "woman. But you really do need to remember what I said, confidence Lucy."

"I will," she promised, masking a yawn behind her hand as she sat up. "Ajie?" she murmured.

"Yeah, babe?"

"Y'think… If you don't want to, I'll understand, but…"

"Out with it, Lucy," he said with a chuckle. She hemmed and hawed so much when asking for something, she usually just gave up before forming the words.

"Would you mind snuggling tonight? I… I ain't used to sleeping on a bus yet," she murmured, already blushing. Never before had she asked a man to sleep with her. And she didn't have the nerve to tell him that when he wrapped his arms around her she slept better than she could ever remember.

"Am I hearing you right?" He teased turning his hand to clasp her fingers in his, "You want lil' ol' me to snuggle with you?"

Lucia nodded, her cheeks flaming. "There's no reason to embarrass me further AJ."

"Why not, it's so fun." He grinned, standing up. "And, of course I will."

"Thank you, Ajie," she whispered, smiling slightly.

"Under one condition."

She raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"You tell me what happened," he stated simply, his brown eyes meeting hers.

"Are you serious?" she asked.

"Very." He nodded, dropping her hand gently in her lap.

"Alright…" she murmured after a moment.

"Great, I look forward to more one worded conversations with you in the future." He teased, giving her a grin.

"You're such a goofball," she murmured softly, a slight smile touching her lips when he pulled her to her feet. "What?"

"I figured you'd sleep better in one of the bunks…"

Nodding, she let him lead her to the back of the bus, her heart thumping nervously when he climbed into what he had deemed the most comfortable bunk their first night. When he held out his arm invitingly, she slid in next to him, squealing when he rolled her over so she was on the inside.

"Can't have you falling out," he explained softly as he reached to pull the blanket over them.

"You're too sweet, Ajie," she whispered, closing her eyes as he held her close, his arm sliding snugly around her waist. Tucking her head against his chest, she released a soft sigh, willing herself to relax. She felt safe, with the gentle rhythm of his heartbeat and the soft whisper of his breath against the top of her head. Almost as though she belonged there. Pushing that thought away, she tilted her head back so she could look into his eyes. "I can tell you later, can't I?" she asked softly, tentatively smoothing his t-shirt over his chest.

"Whenever you're comfortable, Lucy," he whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead gently. "But you should get some sleep now…"

"I will," she promised. "And I'll tell you soon," she added, tucking her head close to his chest again. Shifting slightly, she curled next to him, needing his warmth.

Holding her close, AJ smoothed his hand over her hair, lightly kissing the top of her head. "Night, Lucy," he whispered against her temple.

"Night, Ajie."

If I feel so inclined
To climb up beside you
Would you tell me
That the time just isn't right
If I should ever find
The key you hide so well
Will you tell me
That I can spend the night
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