Chapter One

Nick stormed out the front door. He was upset with the way things had been going that afternoon. Jess seemed to have been asking way too much of him lately, or so he thought. All he wanted to do was get into his car and drive far and fast to escape all of the madness that had been going on in his life.

The group had gotten popular so fast. It seemed like only yesterday Nick could go where he wanted, do what he wanted without having to worry about getting mobbed. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the fans, but sometimes it was a little overwhelming and scary. He was beginning to unwind and relax after being gone for over three months when Jess approached him wanting a favor. She thought it would be good for him to come to a party and entertain some of her old classmates from school.

"Entertain, it would be so nice of you to do that for me,” Nick sneered as he climbed into the car. How could she even think of asking me to do something like this after I have been away for so long? It was the straw that blew him up. He just wanted to be left alone until his thoughts cleared.

Nick roared out of the driveway. He loved the feel of his corvette as it sped up the hill. He didn’t care how fast he was going. He didn’t realize how fast he was going until he saw a flash of a blue truck pull out in front of him. Nick stomped on the brakes hoping to avoid a certain collision. There was an awful sound of metal and glass and tires screeching. Then it was quiet.

“Someone call 911. Someone, please call 911.”

Time seemed to stand still. A shiny red corvette was barely recognizable in the twisted wreckage. It was tangled up in with the blue pickup truck. A crowd had started to gather.

The ambulance seemed to take forever to arrive to the accident. Once it was on the scene, the paramedics worked quickly to ascertain the number of victims and extent of injuries.

Jess knew that sometimes Nick needed to be alone and cool down. She wasn’t concerned when he left, but began to get worried when she heard sirens in the distance. She decided to go and see what was going on just for a piece of mind.

As she got closer to the accident scene she could feel a knot tightening in her stomach. Something was not feeling right and every inch seemed to take forever to travel. Jess thought she saw a shiny red object in the wreckage.

“What am I thinking? I have got myself convinced that something terrible has happened and I am not even close enough to see,” Jess thought to herself.

She stopped the car and ran towards where the crowd had gathered on the side of the street. She looked towards the wreckage in time to see the paramedics pull a man’s limp body free. She felt her knees buckle. Jess strained to look closer at the person. It didn’t really look like Nick, but she couldn’t tell. Then she noticed an ID bracelet on the left wrist. It was the bracelet she had given Nick just a few weeks ago---

“Oh my god, no,” Jessica screamed. “It can’t be!”

Jess felt like she was running in slow motion, she couldn’t get to Nick fast enough. She was stopped from coming closer by a policeman.

“Hold it there, miss, I can’t let you go over there,” the heavyset officer held her back.

“But I need to go there, I’m his girlfriend, please you have to let me,” Jessica tearfully pleaded to the policeman, but it was in vain.

If you are his friend, you would help him much better by staying out of the way. Besides, I wouldn’t want you to get hurt by being in the way. Just stay back here.”

Jessica resigned herself to be a spectator rather than being where she felt she was needed. She watched as the paramedics worked quickly on Nick. They were giving him an IV and were checking his injuries. It just didn’t look like Nick - all of the blood and his face was so swollen. He was unconscious, which Jessica decided was much better to be at this point rather than to be in incredible pain.

As Nick was put into the ambulance, Jess asked the officer where they were taking him.

“Tampa Bay Hospital,” he replied curtly.

She wasted no time getting back to her car. Her hands were shaking so much she was barely able to put the keys in the ignition. After she took a few deep breaths, Jess started the car. She tried to focus on what she was doing. The drive to the hospital for her would take at least 30 minutes. Nick would arrive there much sooner.

Chapter Two

“I’m trying to find out where my boyfriend is, could you help me?”

The nurse in the emergency room walked briskly past Jess. “Try asking the girl up at the front desk, she can help you.”

“I am looking to find out where they took my boyfriend and that nurse told me to ask you,” Jess was hoping that someone would help her.

“Calm down, miss. Why was your boyfriend here?”

“He was in a car accident and the police officer told me he was being taken to Tampa Bay Hospital.”

“Okay, what is his name?”

“It’s uh, Nick, Nick Carter.” Jess looked at the receptionist anxiously, hoping that she could direct her quickly so she could be at his side.

“Carter.......oh, okay, he’s in Trauma Room 3, but you can’t go in there, only immediate family, sorry.”

“But I am family, I’m his girlfriend. Please you have to let me go in there,” Jessica pleaded. “I need to be there, I won’t get in the way, I promise, please! He would want me there.”

“I know his parents have been contacted, let me check with the trauma nurse and see what she thinks, please just wait over there.”

The receptionist motioned over to a bright waiting room. Jessica reluctantly walked over to a chair but did not sit in it. She was keeping her eye on the receptionist making sure she would be holding up her end of the deal to see if she could go in.

After about 10 minutes, the receptionist motioned to Jessica.

“The trauma nurse said it would be okay for you to go in, but you could only stay for 10 minutes, and you would have to leave before that time if they needed you to go.”

“Thank you.”

A nurse escorted Jessica down the corridor to the trauma room. She swallowed hard before she entered the room. She scanned the surroundings afraid to look at Nick. It was hard for her to keep her composure when she finally looked at him. There were so many tubes and machines surrounding him. His face was so swollen and scraped. There were tubes going into his mouth and the sound of a machine that kept reminding you of every breath he was taking, rather every breath that the machine was taking for him.

She looked at Nick wishing he would open his eyes. Jess kept thinking that this was going to be another one of his stupid practical jokes that he liked to play. She wanted to touch his hand, the only one that didn’t have anything attached to it, but hesitated.

“It’s okay, you can touch his hand,” the dark haired nurse told Jess.

As Jessica touched his hand, she was surprised at how cold it felt. “Is....is, what, um how is he, will he be alright?” Jess asked the nurse.

“The doctor would be better able to answer that question. He’s as comfortable as he can be right now. I know that doesn’t answer your question very well-----”

“How long until he wakes up?”

“We will have to wait and see, right now he is in a coma--”

“Oh my god, oh my god---” Jessica kept whispering.

“Why don’t I take you back out to the waiting room, I think it would be best for Nick. His parents were contacted and should be coming soon,” the nurse told Jess as she was trying to get her to leave.

“Okay.” Jess slowly bent over to kiss Nick’s face. She was afraid to touch him too hard. His face looked so hurt.

Jessica walked with the trauma nurse back to the lobby. The nurse told her that once Nick’s parents arrived, the doctor would be contacted and they would meet with him regarding Nick’s condition. All she could do was wait. If there were anything more that they would need, they would come and get her.

Jess sat down in a hard chair that was in a ocation where she could see the hallway and the front entrance. She looked around the room that was filled with people, wondering if they too were awaiting news about a loved one. She glanced down at the end table. It was littered with an assortment of magazines. The one that caught her eye had a photo of The Backstreet Boys on the cover.

She picked it up as she started thinking about how long it would take before the accident was on the news. Looking at Nick’s face in the article, she could feel the hot tears streaming down her face. Why did this have to happen? He is so good to people and so talented. She shook the thoughts from her head.

“Jess, oh god,” Jane Carter grabbed Jessica and gave her an overwhelming hug. Her face was drawn and pale. Nick’s father even looked older to her at that moment. “How did this happen?”

Jessica sighed, “I dunno. Me and Nicky were talking this afternoon and having a nice Saturday and I asked him about meeting some of my friends from school. He got upset and stormed out the door. I knew he just needed to be alone for a while, you know how much he wants to be by himself for a little bit after he’s been gone. Anyway, he took off in the car, squealing his tires and the whole bit and the next thing I heard were sirens. I was curious and so I got in my car to see if I could tell what was wrong and then I saw him...”

Jessica couldn’t finish. She was upset thinking about seeing Nick being taken from his car. Jane just held her as they both cried.

“How is he, have you seen him?”

“A nurse took me to see him, oh it is, I don’t know how he is, he was sleeping.” Jess did not have the heart to tell them that their son was in a coma. She coated the description of Nick and didn’t let on how badly he looked to her.

“Have you talked to his doctor yet?”

“No, they said that he would talk to you once you arrived. I guess we should tell the receptionist that you are here and want to see Nick.”

They walked over to the receptionist desk and told them who they were and that they wanted to see their son. The receptionist told them to wait in a conference room off to the right of the lobby and wait. She told them that the physician would be notified they were there.

All the three of them could do was sit in the tiny room with the bright white walls with a few unread magazines sitting on the tables glaring at them. On one of the magazines was a picture of Nick. Jess couldn’t believe the irony of how often his face kept jumping out at her, that beautiful face.

It seemed to take forever before Dr. Gaynor entered the room. He was a young doctor, about to be in his thirties. He sat in a chair that faced them. He shook Bob’s hand and nodded at Jess and Jane.

"I’m Dr. Gaynor, chief of staff of the trauma unit. Nick is still down here in the trauma ward, we should be transferring him shortly to the intensive care unit. I am waiting for the results of a few more tests before we move him. Nick is hurt very badly, but so far his body seems to be fighting. He has several injuries. I guess there really isn’t an easy way to start this. Nick was in a very bad car accident. His seatbelt probably protected him from further injuries, however, the ones he received are life-threatening.”

Jane gasped when Dr. Gaynor spoke those words. Bob put his arm around her tighter as if to shield her from the bad news.

“Nick suffered a tremendous blow to the head, cat scans show that his brain was bruised as a result of the hit. He is in a coma right now, that is basically his body’s way of protecting itself and trying to rewire his connections, so to speak. It’s too early to access whether there will be any permanent damage.”

“Oh, god, you mean brain damage?” Jessica beside herself. She couldn’t think past those words.

“Possibly, there is always that chance, but like I said, it is too early to tell. He also suffered a whiplash type of an injury to his back and the MRI shows that there is significant swelling to the spinal cord. Hopefully with the IV steroids he will be getting this may help to reduce the swelling before there is damage. It is too early to say whether anything permanent has happened there. He is on a respirator to help him breathe. He fractured his ribs on the left side and one of the ribs punctured the lung and it collapsed. We had to do surgery to open the lung back up and had to insert a catheter to help keep it open and drain the fluids to prevent pneumonia. I will be monitoring Nick very closely. The next few days will be very critical. Until he comes out of the coma his condition will be critical. Do you have any questions?”

Jess and Nick’s parents sat there, just numb. They were unable to get past the first part of the doctor’s comments of brain damage and spinal injury. Finally Jess summoned up the courage to thank the doctor and asked if they could see Nick.

"Certianly. I do want to remind you that when a person is in a coma, we feel that although they are not physically responding to you, they can hear your voice and feel your touch. It is very important that you talk to him and touch him. I will have the nurse come in to take you to him.”

The trauma nurse allowed Nick’s parents and Jessica to go in together. Jane wanted Jessica to be with them, it would be hard to face Nick and felt that since she had already seen him, that it would make it easier for them.

This time when Jess walked into the room, she was aware of more of the equipment that was connected to Nick. The respirator was still making a hissing noise everytime it filled his lungs with oxygen, but she also heard the sound of a machine that was keeping track of his heart beats. It was earie listening to the pinging noise. She did notice that when Jane cried out his name it appeared that the beats increased. Maybe she was just reading into it more than what it appeared to be.

"Jess, I didn’t realize that he would look like this. Oh, my baby,” Jane sobbed as she looked at Nick. She reached up and smoothed back his blonde hair that was still stained with blood.

“I’m just so afraid to touch him, he looks like he would be hurting everywhere. I don’t want to make him feel worse.”

“Remember what Dr. Gaynor said about Nick possibly hearing and feeling us. I noticed that the heart monitor went faster when we talk.” Jessica tried to reassure them that Nick was hearing them. She hoped that Nick was hearing them.

Chapter Three
Jessica was startled by the noise of the ambulance as it pulled into the bay. She had fallen asleep in the lobby sometime during the night. The trauma nurse told them that they should just go home and that they would call if anything happened, but Jess insisted that she would stay at the hospital. Nick’s father convinced his mother that she should go home and get some rest and that they would come in the morning and would maybe know something more by then.

A television set was on in the corner of the lobby. The morning news was on. As Jess had suspected, the media had already found out about the accident. She strained to hear what the reporter had to say:

“Nick Carter of the group The Backstreet Boys was involved in a fatal collision yesterday afternoon near his hometown of Ruskin, Florida. Details are sketchy at this time, we will be keeping you posted as information develops.”

Great, Jess thought to herself, they have him dead. Oh no, I didn’t think about the rest of the guys, if they see this they’ll think he is dead too. I don’t have anyone’s phone numbers, but I know that Nick kept them in his wallet. I wonder if the trauma nurse has his personal affects. She got up and walked down the hall towards Nick’s room. It looked like they were preparing to move him to a new room. She stopped one of the technicians and asked if she knew where the stuff that he had on were.

“Let me get the bag for you, it should be under the gurney.” The tech bent over and grabbed a large plastic bag with the words “Tampa Bay Hospital” on the front. “Here you go, I take it that you are family?”

“Yes, thank you.” Jess took the bag. It did not contain any of his clothes, which led her to believe that nothing was left of his clothes after the accident. His wallet was at the bottom of the bag along with his id bracelet. His name was simply engraved on the front of the bracelet with Jessica’s initials engraved on the back. She picked up the wallet and got the phone number to his agent.

“Is there a phone I could use rather than the one out in the lobby? I need to let someone know that Nick is okay. The news has this stuff all screwed up.”

The technician pointed to a phone on the wall.

“Just press the first button and dial 8 to get an outside line honey.”

Jessica called Nick’s agent to let him know that Nick was not dead, it was probably the person in the other vehicle. She didn’t elaborate on his condition but requested that he pass the word onto the guys so that if they heard the television they wouldn’t be thinking the worst. She also asked them to pray for Nick.

Jess finished the phone call in time to go with Nick to his room in the intensive care unit. She looked at his face while the gurney was going down the hallway hoping to see something that would acknowledge that Nick was still here. Although the swelling in his face was going down, scrapes and cuts on his face still made Nick look like anyone but Nick. Jess ignored the mindless banter of the hospital attendants as they were in the elevator. “How could they be so cold and uncaring, joking around like that?” she thought to herself. Jess found it hard to believe how she herself could go on with the way things were right now.

After they got all the equipment hooked back up and Nick settled into his room, a resident physician came in to check Nick’s vital signs. Jess hesitated but then decided to ask what that doctor knew about how Nick was doing.

“Well, he seemed to have a relatively stable night last night, nothing popped up which is good. We will still have to keep a close watch on him for the next couple of days. Hopefully he will awake from his coma. I would like to see some other signs so that we can remove him from the respirator. The longer he needs one, we would have to change the set up,” the young resident sighed.

“What do you mean by changing the set up?

“We would do it only as a last resort, as long as Nick couldn’t breathe on his own, we would have to hook the tubes up to his throat which would require a tracheomontry. With Nick’s career being a singer, there is too much risk involved with messing with his throat and when you have to cut the throat, there is always that risk that his voice would never be the same, let alone that he could wind up never singing again. But try not to think about that, we have to think positively and believe that he will pull through this and be on his way to better things and bigger concerts. Dr. Gaynor will be in shortly to check Nick out and he will have a more clearer picture than what I would have. You may want to ask him when he comes in.”

And with that, the resident continued his meticulous job of going over every square inch of Nick making sure the equipment was hooked up right and that there were no more signs of injuries that were missed.

Jessica took a hard chair that was in the corner and sat down, staying out of the way. She waited until the doctor left and then she moved the chair closer to the bed. She touched Nick’s hand gently, noticing that his skin was still quite cold to the touch. She reached up and smoothed back his hair. Jess remembered what Dr. Gaynor had told them yesterday about people still being able to hear and feel while they were in a coma. She felt kind of silly but decided to lean closer to Nick and whisper into his ear hoping that it would stimulate some type of reaction from him.

“Hi honey, I just wanted to let you know I’m here,” Jess whispered into his ear. “Your mom and dad said that they would be coming back in this morning to see you.”

Jess noticed that the pinging noise of the heart monitor seemed to have increased in it’s rhythm. She watched the monitor as she talked to Nick again.

“I called your manager to let the guys know about you being in the hospital.”

This time she knew for sure. She saw the rate go from 76 beats per minute up to 83. She couldn’t be mistaken - he did hear her!

“Oh, Nick, I wished you would wake up,” Jess sighed as her eyes filled with tears.

Just as she finished speaking, Dr. Gaynor entered the room with Nick’s chart in his hand. He immediately went over to the bed and listened to Nick’s chest with the stethoscope. He then lifted one of Nick’s swollen eyelids and shined a penlight into the eye. Nick’s eyes were not focused and it looked scary to see him look past the light. During the night they had kept close watch on Nick doing bloodwork and checking his vitals all through the night. As Dr. Gaynor flipped to the chart, he came across something that he evidently did not like. He closed the chart, excused himself and left the room abruptly. Within minutes he reappeared with the resident and a nurse.

“I told you how important it was for you to call me if there were any changes in his condition, any. His first blood draw was 11.3, which remained stable until the last draw which showed it a 8.5, which is a significant change. I want the lab in here to do another draw stat.” Dr. Gaynor barked his orders which made the resident and the nurse scatter from the room. It did not take long before a lab tech was by Nick’s bedside preparing to take a blood sample from his arm.

Jessica watched the technician put the rubber strip to cuff off the blood flow to Nick’s arm. Just as the technician was preparing to insert the needle, Jess looked at Nick’s face. It looked to her as if he frowned with the pain. No noise was made by Nick, only the hissing of the respirator.

Dr. Gaynor reappeared in the room. He apologized for his abruptness with the staff earlier. “I always insist that they give me updates on my critical patients. I’m sorry that you had to see this scene.”

“I couldn’t help but overhear when you were talking about 11. 3 and 8.5, what does that indicate?” Jess was curious.

“It would be Nick’s hemoglobin level. A normal healthy man’s range is roughly thirteen to fourteen. An eleven point three is not unusual for someone that has sustained a traumatic injury. When the level drops to a seven or below, we have to start thinking about a possibility of internal bleeding. Depending on what the test results show, we may have to give him a transfusion to see if that will pick the numbers up.”

“I spoke with the resident earlier and I had asked him about the respirator and he told me he didn’t know how long Nick would have to be on it but then he also said that the longer he was on it that changes would have to be made, is this right?” Jessica was hoping that the resident was wrong.

“Well, yes it does make a difference how long a patient is on a respirator because we would have to go into the throat, which in Nick’s case would be very risky because of the vocal cords being right there. It would be very easy to nick a cord and hurt his voice. I would have went through the throat when he was in the trauma room, but decided against it. I’m planning on weaning him off the respirator today to see how he does. If he is still having trouble, we may have to go into the throat.”

Jessica wiped the tears from her cheeks. This was not fair, this should not have happened to Nick. She heard slow even footsteps and looked into the doorway to see Brian standing there, his face looked pale and his mouth was open as if in shock. Jess stood up and motioned for Brian to come into the room by her. Dr. Gaynor brushed past Brian on his was out the door.

Brian went up to Jess and held her in a tight hug that seemed to last for an eternity. As they pulled away, Jess looked at his face and saw tears brimming in his eyes.

Brian looked over to the bed at his best friend. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Only a few days ago Nick was over to his house playing basketball, laughing and teasing him.

“How is he? I came as soon as I heard.” Brian talked softly as if he would wake Nick up.

“Oh Brian, Nick is hurt really bad.”

“How?”

“We got into a fight and Nick left my house and drove off kinda fast. A little bit later I heard sirens and found the accident. A truck had pulled out in front of him and Nick was going too fast to stop in time. The driver of the truck was killed.” Jess cried as she told the story again.

“Oh my god, is Nick gonna be okay, what’s wrong with him?” Brian could see the obvious and it hurt to look at his friend this way.

“Nick is in a coma right now, I don’t know when or if he will come out of it. The doctor said it could be hours, days, weeks, months or never. His brain was bruised in the accident. He fractured all of his ribs on his left side which in turn punctured his left lung. His back suffered a whiplash trauma and there is swelling in the spinal cord. They weren’t sure if Nick would be paralyzed from the accident, they would know better once he came out of the coma to access his injuries. Right now they are waiting the results of a blood draw to see how his hemoglobin is. It dropped down low last night. The doctor said that if it goes to a seven or below that would mean that he could have some possible internal injuries. If the tests come back low, the doctor wants to do a transfusion. I don’t know....” Jessica’s voice trailed off as she looked at Nick again.

Brian held Jessica close. He kept looking at Nick’s face and couldn’t believe that this was his friend who was like a baby brother to him laying there helpless. Memories of the times that they have shared together went through his mind.

“Brian, the doctor said it was good to touch and talk to Nick. He said that people that are in a coma can hear and feel. Let Nick know you’re here for him.”

Brian took a deep breath. He was trying to find the right words to say to Nick. He put his hand on Nick’s shoulder and rubbed it.

“Hey buddy, I came as soon as I got the call. You sure do things the hard way you stupid----” Brian couldn’t keep his composure. Jessica pulled Brian towards her and they held each other. After a few minutes Brian wiped his eyes and looked back at Nick. He looked at the tubes going into his mouth to help him breathe.

“Oh god, Jess, I’m sorry, so sorry. This shouldn’t be the way. This isn’t fair.” Brian looked hurt and upset.

A nurse entered the room with a unit of blood. Jess knew that this wasn’t good news, that this meant that his hemoglobin was lower.

“Do you know what the results were on the test?” Jessica asked the nurse.

“Yes, it was eight point three. Doctor ordered the transfusion to see how the level goes.”

Jessica and Brian looked at each other. They both knew what they were thinking and yet would not allow themselves to think the worst. After the nurse got the IV started, Nick’s parents arrived. They hugged Jessica and Brian.

“Any news?” Jane asked anxiously.

“They said that Nick had a pretty stable night except that his hemoglobin dropped sometime during the night and that is why Dr. Gaynor ordered a transfusion.” Jessica thought about telling them what she had heard regarding the respirator but decided against giving them more bad news.

“Why did his hemoglobin level drop so?” Jane asked.

“The doctor was not sure, he said that they are watching the levels closely and that right now it is at eight point three. When Nick came in he was at eleven point five. The doctor would be very concerned if his levels went down to seven or below, then he said that there could be a possibility of internal injuries.”

“Oh dear lord,” Jane put her hand to her mouth.

Jessica and Brian left the room to give Nick’s parents some time with him alone.

“Jess, did you want me to take you back home so that you can get refreshed? It would do you some good.” Brian offered.

“I don’t want to leave Nick.”

“I don’t think Nick will be going anywhere soon--”

“But I want to be here when he wakes up.”

“I can’t argue with you on that one, but really, you should go home and at least shower and change or you will scare him.” Brian teased. He was trying hard to make Jessica smile.

“Oh, thanks. Yes, I guess it would be better to go now, I don’t think he will be waking up within the next couple of hours.

Brian and Jessica went back into Nick’s room to tell Bob and Jane that he was taking Jessica home to shower and change. Jess leaned over the bed and touched Nick’s hair and then gently kissed his bruised cheek. She hugged the Carter’s goodbye and then left with Brian.

Chapter Four

The Florida sun hit Jessica’s face as they walked out the front entrance. She squinted and was momentarily blinded by it’s brightness. Once her eyes adjusted, she glanced over at Brian and noticed that he had already had his sunglasses and ball cap on. It was a way of life for these guys lately to hide their faces. Nick didn’t have to worry too much about being seen, Jess guessed it was his mannerisms - he didn’t seem paranoid, but neither does Brian.

There was a small group of people on the front lawn that were standing and holding candles and pictures of Nick. Jess could hear Nick’s voice singing. It was strange.

“It’s funny how it never takes long for fans to find out where you guys are.”

“Yeah, sometimes it can be pretty annoying.” Brian was relieved to think that the group on the lawn didn’t recognize him. They seemed to be checking everyone that entered and left the hospital. It may be the way Jess and he were walking together, arms linked. No one would suspect him being there anyway.

“Could you have found a parking place further away?” Jessica teased Brian.

“Hey, it was the only one I could find and I sure as hell wasn’t going to use the valet - now there would be an instant clue as to Nick being here once someone found me out. I hate using valets anyway, you can’t imagine the stuff they could do in your car.” Brian looked at Jess and winked.

The ride home for Jess was long. She did not like being away from Nicky and was afraid that something would happen while she was gone. When Brian pulled up to her house, she literally jumped from the vehicle and yelled back, “Come on in and make yourself at home,” while she went through the front door. Brian shrugged his shoulders and got out of the car and followed her in.

Jess took the fastest shower in her life. She was going to dry her hair but decided that would take too long and opted for it to dry naturally on the way back. She pulled on a comfortable pair of jeans and a loose tee shirt. She knew that it was necessary for her to be comfortable and not fashionable so she didn’t really care how she looked. She brushed her hair out and applied her make up and grabbed some extra things and shoved them into a bag.

“Okay, I’m ready to go.” Jess announced when she entered the living room. Brian was sitting in the lazy boy watching MTV. “Wow, that was fast. Hey, they have an update on MTV news about Nick.” Brian turned up the volume.

“Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys was involved in a serious car accident Saturday afternoon. One person was killed as a result of the accident. Carter was taken a Tampa area hospital were he is currently in critical condition. We will keep you updated as further information is released.”

“Oh, thank you for the privacy. This will be great now. Do you know how many people will be hanging out at the hospital?” Brian was disgusted with the report. It really was a violation of Nick’s privacy.

“We’ll just have to make the best of it. Come-on, let’s go.” Jess pulled on Brian’s arm. Jess asked Brian to drive down the street where the accident happened.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Brian looked at Jess worried.

“Yes, I need to . Are you okay with doing it?” she almost forgot that it could be difficult for Brian.

“Yeah, I can do it.”

Jessica and Brian were quiet all the way there listening to the radio. Brian had it on the oldies station and Jess closed her eyes while she was listening. Nick almost always had his stereo on the oldies.

As they approached the intersection, Jessica could see long screech marks where Nick had applied the brakes in vain. There were flowers on every corner, it looked like some kind of shrine. There were a few girls standing around and it looked as if they were crying. They had a few minutes to look at the intersection since they had to wait for a red light.

“I can’t figure out how that guy just pulled in front of Nick, it looks like he would have a clear view of the traffic from all sides.” Brian sighed.

“Brian, we will never know what that man saw, we can’t blame him for what happened, his family is grieving also, we just have to accept it and go on.”

Brian nodded slowly in agreement, thinking of what Jess had said while looking at the intersection. There were pictures of Nick and flowers on every corner. Some girls were standing off to one side crying.

“I called Leighanne this morning after I found out. She is out of the state visiting her family. I don’t expect her to be coming back here for another few days. She wanted me to tell you that she will be praying for you guys.” Brian was trying to think of something to lighten up the ride back to the hospital. He needed to talk or he was afraid he would lose his composure.

“I’m glad you called her. I will be anxious to see her when she gets back. She is really a crazy person, isn’t she?” Brian smiled, “Yeah, she can be cute at times, but that’s why I love her so.”

As they pulled into the parking lot at the hospital, they noticed that the front lawn was filled with people. It was something they both knew would happen once the accident was out on the news. Brian seemed to be a little nervous when they parked the car. He put his baseball cap on the opposite way he usually wore it and put his sunglasses on. Jess knew that he was afraid he would be recognized and that all hell would break out.

“Just walk with me and stay close. Act like we’re in no hurry and pray like mad.” Brian told her before they got out. Jess nodded and took his arm.

They had to walk through a crowd that was gathering at the front entrance and Brian knew that all it would take is for one person to recognize them and it would start a panic. He looked down at the ground as he was walking. Jess felt a little nervous walking with Brian towards the crowd and held onto his arm a little tighter.

“Ohmygod, it’s Brian.”

Jessica’s heart skipped a beat. Brian did not waste a minute stepping up the pace and getting into the door. Once they were inside, they were safe because of the hospital security. They went to the elevator and waited so they could get on.

Once they got to the fourth floor they felt a little more secure. When they walked towards Nick’s room, a hospital security guard was standing outside of the doorway. He stopped Brian and Jess before they could enter the room. The door was closed so there was no way anyone would be able to walk by and look in. As usual, Nick’s fame was costing his privacy.

“I need to see some type of identification before I can let you in. You need to be approved.” The guard was very tall and muscular, looking as if he were a bouncer in a bar at night. Brian dug in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet and handed the guard his driver’s license. Jess pulled her license out of her billfold. The guard looked at the licenses and then at Brian and Jess. He had a clipboard which had names. He verified that Jess and Brian were okay to go into the room. Jessica asked the guard if there was some type of pass she could wear since she would be in and out of the room during Nick’s stay at the hospital. The guard told her that he would check into it and get back with her.

As Brian and Jess opened the door, a nurse was trying to leave. Once inside, they saw Nick’s parents at his bedside, his mother was holding his hand. They looked over at the door when it opened.

Jess walked over to Jane and hugged her. She went to Nick and kissed his cheek.

“Any change?” Jess asked.

Jane shook her head. “The nurse told me that Dr. Gaynor would be coming in to see us in a few minutes. Maybe he has the results of the blood draw that they did on Nick while you were gone.”

Jane’s face was pale and drawn. It upset Jess to see her that way. She knew how close Nick was to his mother.

The hissing of the respirator seemed to mock the silence of the room. I hope Dr. Gaynor comes in to tell us that Nick can go off that thing. Jess thought to herself. Each hour that goes by with Nick on it was against him.

Brian went up to the foot of the bed and squeezed Nick’s foot. Everyone in the room silently knew that Brian was trying to get some type of reaction out of Nick.

“Hey buddy, wake up.” Brian shook Nick’s foot. “You’ve been sleeping long enough.”

Everyone looked at Nick while Brian tried in vain to wake him up. The only reaction they got from Nick was the heart monitor jumped it’s pace up a little. The respirator still kept the same sickening rhythm.

Just as Brian touched Nick’s foot again, Dr. Gaynor entered the room. He was holding Nick’s chart and was thumbing through the papers. The chart was already thick from all the tests that Nick was having.

“We did another blood draw and have the results back from the lab. I wanted to wait for an hour before we did the draw to see how the transfusion would take on Nick. When we did the transfusion, the hemoglobin levels were at 8.5. The new levels are at 7.9 which is not good news. I’m afraid that we are going to have to take him to surgery. I suspect that there may be some internal bleeding that has to be stopped. We could keep giving him more units of blood, but if he is bleeding internally, it could cause more harm than good crowding his organs with blood. He will be going down to the O.R. in about an hour. Are there any questions?” Dr. Gaynor scanned the group surrounding Nick’s bed.

“Do you have any idea what or where the bleeding is?” Nick’s father spoke with his voice breaking.

“I wish I did. With Nick being unconscious, he is unable to tell us where it hurts and so that makes the puzzle a little more difficult to solve. Try not to worry, I wouldn’t make him go through this unless he absolutely needed it with him being in critical condition.”

Dr. Gaynor shook Bob Carter’s hand and nodded at Jane. “I’ll see you in an hour.”

Jane started crying. Brian and Bob had tears filling their eyes. Jess stared at Nick’s bed. No one wanted to say anything. They all silently prayed.

Chapter Five

They waited in the surgical waiting room for three hours hoping for some type of news. Each time the volunteer at the reception desk picked up the phone they held their breath hoping that it would be their turn to be notified. Finally his name was spoken: “NICK CARTER’S FAMILY, NICK CARTER.”

Jessica winced at how loudly the woman said his name. She felt all the eyes in the room on them as they approached the desk.

“You can go to surgical consult room number 3 down the hall and to your left,” the receptionist cheerfully told them.

They crowded into the small waiting room. There were a couple of boxes of kleenex on the table and a few magazines. Again one of the magazines had a picture of Nick on the cover. Jessica was hoping that this would be a good sign, she was tired of having bad things happening to Nick.

Dr. Gaynor entered the room still in his surgical clothes. He looked tired.

“We found the bleeding, Nick had a couple of lacerations on his liver that needed to be repaired. We had to give him two more units of blood during the surgery and I irrigated and suctioned all of the blood that had filled his abdomen.” Dr. Gaynor talked fast.

“So how is he now?” Jane asked quietly.

“He’s in stable condition. He’ll stay in surgical recovery for about another half hour and then they will take him back to his room. We will keep checking his blood levels a few more times today and if everything looks alright, we will taper those tests down.”

Nick’s father stood up and shook the doctors hand as he was leaving. “Thank you, Dr. Gaynor.”

When the doctor left the room Nick’s dad suggested they go to the cafeteria and get something to eat.

“I’m not very hungry,” Jane stated.

Jess nodded in agreement but decided it would be good for them to at least get a cup of coffee and sit together. As they walked down the hall towards the cafeteria, Jessica noticed that some of the people that were walking by were pointing and whispering. She held Brian’s arm tighter and felt safer by doing that.

They sat at a booth in a darker corner away from people. No one got anything to eat but had decided to have coffee.

“I hate being away from Nick right now.” Jess sighed as she looked at her cup.

“I know Jess, but you shouldn’t let yourself worry so much. He will be okay, he’s got to be. This surgery is the thing that will make him better, it’s no wonder why he has been in a coma.” Brian tried to console her.

“I hope you’re right.” Jessica replied.

“As soon as Nick is back in his room, we’ll leave for awhile once we know he’s settled in.” Jane said. “Jess, you should try to go home and get some rest too.”

Jessica shook her head. “No, I couldn’t rest, I need to be here with Nick. I don’t think I would feel better anyplace else, besides, I wouldn’t want him to wake up alone and not know what was going on.”

Brian looked at his watch. “I think Nick should be back up right now. I plan on leaving with Bob and Jane, it’s better in a group, if you know what I mean.”

They went back up to the fourth floor. A security guard was keeping vigil outside of Nick’s door which was a good indicator that he was back in his room. As they approached the door, the guard stood up and again requested identification. They all complied.

“Did you find out about getting passes so we don’t have to go through this every time we go out, not that I don’t appreciate what you are doing,” Jess wondered.

“Yes I did ma’am.” The guard produced green badges with a chain that they could put around their necks. The tag was simple and said visitor clearance level 5. He handed one to Jessica and one each to Nick’s mother and father.

When they slowly walked into the room, they were all afraid of what they would be greeted with next. Jessica noticed right away that the sound of the hissing of the respirator was gone. She looked at Nick’s face and was shocked to see that the tubes that were going into his mouth to help him breathe were gone. The tubes were replaced with oxygen being supplied with tubing placed near his nose.

Jessica went to the bed and held Nick’s hand. The swelling seemed to have gone down quite significantly since the surgery. His face was still so bruised and his mouth looked sore from having the tubes in it.

Brian went up to the bed and gave Jess a hug. He then touched Nick’s shoulder. “Hey buddy, how ya doin’?” Brian wasn’t expecting Nick to answer him, but was hoping that he would respond.

Bob and Jane kissed Nick. “Jess said that she would be staying with you,” Jane spoke softly as she smoothed Nick’s hair from his forehead. “Your dad and I will be coming back again later. Love you.”

Jess hugged Nick’s parents goodbye. When Brian hugged her, he gave her a tight squeeze and whispered in her ear, “Call me if you need anything, even if you need to talk.”

“Okay, I will. Thanks.”

As they left, a nurse came into the room with new IV’s and other apparatus. Jess watched her change the IV bags and put medication into Nick’s IV line. The nurse looked at Nick’s face while she was administering the medication.

“Did you want to have the television on or music?” the nurse asked Jess. “The silence can be a little nerve-wracking and besides it’s good for the patient.”

“Either one is fine, I guess.” Jess didn’t care, she wouldn’t pay too much attention to either one, she was too preoccupied.

“I suppose if we put music on and got ‘N Sync that would irritate Nick enough to get up and turn it off, you think?” the nurse smiled as she was trying to make a light hearted joke.

“It probably would. I guess TV would be fine.” Jess smiled.

The nurse gave Jess a remote control for the television and turned it on. While they were talking, another nurse came in to draw blood since they were still keeping track of his hemoglobin levels. When the nurse put the needle into his arm, Nick made a soft moaning sound. Everyone in the room looked at each other and then at Nick.

“Nick can you hear me?” the nurse asked. There wasn’t any response from him.

“Is this a good sign?” Jess asked.

“It could be, I don’t know his full history, but any sound coming from a patient is an indicator that he could be waking up. I’ll have a resident come in and look at him.” The nurse left the room quickly.

Once again, Jess was in the room with Nick by herself. She pulled her chair up closer to him. Suddenly, Nick’s arms went up to his face in an almost defensive type of a position as if to shield his face from something. His eyes were still closed.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh,” Nick let out a hoarse yell.

Jess stood up and tried to pull his arms away from his head.

“Nick, it’s okay, it’s okay. Shhhh.” Jess tried to calm him down in a soothing voice. She managed to pull his arms down at his side. She looked at his face. His eyes looked wild with fear. They darted around the room quickly. Nick looked at Jess and it looked like he was looking past her.

“Nick, it’s okay, I’m here with you,” Jess tried again to calm him down. While she was talking to him she noticed that the heart monitor was beeping rapidly meaning that his blood pressure was soaring. She pushed the nurse call button.

Nick looked at her and around the room again, this time a little slower and he seemed to be focusing a little better. Nick turned and looked at Jess again. It looked as if he didn’t know her, it was a strange look on his face.

The nurse came into the room.

“He just woke up, but he seems to be very agitated.” Jess tried to fill the nurse in.

The nurse saw that the monitor was beating rapidly. “I’m calling his doctor.” Just as the nurse turned, the resident physician entered the room.

“The patient just woke, he seems to be lethargic and his pulse is rapid.” the nurse reported to the resident.

Nick stared at the medical staff as if they were creatures from another planet. His face showed fear. Jess tried to calm him down by holding his hand. She noticed that his skin felt cold and clammy and that his face and hair was soaked in sweat.

The resident rattled off some type of drug that needed to be administered stat. The nurse nodded and headed out the door. The resident checked the machines but didn’t touch Nick. After a few moments, the nurse appeared with a syringe. Nick still looked as if he had seen a terrifying scene when he looked at the doctor and the nurse. The nurse was preparing to inject the medication into Nick’s IV when he tried to push her away with his free arm. Jess stood up and tried to hold his arm back. It was pretty easy to do since Nick was weak from the injuries. Within a few seconds as the drug began to go into his bloodstream, Nick relaxed and his arm dropped.

Dr. Gaynor entered the room. He was able to access Nick now that he was unconscious. The heart beats were normal again and Nick looked peaceful.

“What is wrong with Nick, why did he act that way?” Jess was scared and confused. The first thing that popped into her head was the mention of the brain injury and the chance of brain damage. This definitely was not Nick.

“Jess,” Dr. Gaynor spoke as he sat in a chair. “You remember that Nick has been through a lot with this accident?”

Jessica nodded her head in agreement.

“And you remember that he took a pretty good blow to his head when he hit the steering wheel and the door. I believe that Nick’s reactions right now can best be described as “shell shock”. In otherwords, when you have had a serious event happen to you, and your body, sometimes the system is so overwhelmed that mixed messages are sent and the responses are out of order.”

“The nurse said that he was lethargic, what does that mean?” Jess anxiously asked.

“When you are lethargic, that is when you have a head injury and you are not appropriately responding to outside stimuli. It can happen when you have a concussion, which would be one of Nick’s injuries. You appear to be here physically, but your brain is still asleep, it’s almost like sleepwalking. He could have been hallucinating. We have given Nick something to calm him down and rest, so that he can gradually wake up again. I was concerned that he would do more damage to the surgery he had or injure something else further.”

“How long do you think he’ll be asleep?” Jess wondered.

“I’m not sure, he may not wake up until tomorrow. I think it would be a good idea for you to go and take a break young lady, this would be a good time to do that since I can honestly tell you that he will not wake up again for hours.” Dr. Gaynor smiled and patted Jess on the hand.

Jess stood up and kissed Nick’s cheek. She decided to walk outside and get some fresh air to clear her head. Once she got off the elevator and walked out the front door, she saw the large group of Nick’s fans that were standing on the front lawn keeping a vigil. Jess was glad that she was still an “uncelebrity” and that no one knew that she was Nick Carter’s girlfriend.

She heard someone in the crowd talking, “Hey, I think that’s the girl I saw walking in with Brian Littrell. Do you think she’s Nick’s girlfriend?”

Jess kept walking as if she didn’t hear the girl. It would be only a matter of time before they would figure her out.

Chapter Six
Jessica heard moaning coming from Nick which woke her from her sleep in the oversized chair in the ICU. She stood up and smoothed his hair back from his face. Nick’s eyes fluttered open and his eyes focused on her face. His eyebrows furrowed and she could tell he was confused.

“Hi sleepyhead. I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” Jess smiled at Nick.

Nick opened his mouth to talk, but nothing came out. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Where am I?” Nick’s voice was barely audible.

“You are at Tampa Bay Hospital, you were in a car accident.”

Jess looked into Nick’s eyes to see if anything was registering. Nick licked his dry lips and tried to speak again. “What happened?” His voice was still weak, it was hard to hear him.

“You went out for a drive, to clear your mind, like you usually do, except that you were going a little fast and a truck pulled out in front of you, he ran a red light and hit you on your side of the car.” Jess explained.

Nick opened his eyes slowly and turned his head gingerly and looked at the equipment that was by his bed. He turned and looked at Jessica. He appeared to look her over. He licked his lips again and then cleared his throat. “Was anyone with me?” he asked hoarsely.

“No, you were in the car alone.”

Nick closed his eyes again. Jess could tell his eyes were moving under the lids. “Are you thirsty?” Jess asked.

Nick managed to nod his head slightly. “I’ll press the nurse button and see what we can do for you. How are you feeling?” Jess was hoping he wasn’t in a lot of pain.

Nick didn’t answer right away. It seemed to be that he was accessing his body. His response was limited. “My head hurts and my side and stomach.”

The nurse came into the room. “Yes? Oh, I see we are awake now. How are you doing?”

Nick smiled weakly. It wasn’t even a smile. “K.” that was all he could manage to say.

“Could he have some ice chips or something? His mouth is dry.” Jess asked the nurse.

“I think we could do that for him. I’ll be right back.”

Nick closed his eyes. He was so tired, he had never felt this tired in his life. He drifted off to sleep. By the time the nurse came back with his ice, Nick was already sleeping. She put the cup on the bedstand and used the opportunity to check his vitals again and the IV’s. She smiled as she walked out of the room.

Jess decided to call Bob and Jane and Brian and let them know that Nick was out of the coma. She walked down the hall towards a lounge. She looked at the clock and saw that it was past 11:30 p.m. She hesitated on calling Nick’s parents because they would be sleeping. “I should call them and wake them up anyway, I would want to know that my child was getting better.” Jess thought to herself as she dialed their phone number.

“Hello,” it was Bob Carter that answered the phone. He did not sound as if he had been woken up.

“Hi, Bob, this is Jess.” Jess waiting for a response from him before she continued.

“Yes, Jess, Hi. How is Nick, any change?” Bob asked anxiously.

“Yes, that’s why I am calling. Nick finally woke up about an hour ago! It was good to see him awake. He is pretty weak, but he seems to be fine.” Jess excitedly told Nick’s father.

“Oh, that is good news. So there doesn’t seem to be any brain injuries?” Bob asked.

“No, he did have a problem the first time he woke up, he didn’t act like himself at all, but the doctor gave him something to put him back to sleep and when he woke up the next time, he was fine.”

“So he can move, I mean, his spine isn’t injured?” Nick’s dad was anxious for the news.

Jess stopped before she answered, that was the one thing that Nick didn’t mention and she didn’t ask. She tried to recall quickly whether she saw his legs move or not. She must have because she would have remembered if she didn’t.”

“I guess, we didn’t really talk about that and Nick didn’t say anything about his legs. He said his head, side and stomach hurt.” Jess hoped that this would satisfy Bob.

“Oh, that’s good news. I’m glad you called. Is there anything you need?” Nick’s dad asked.

“No, I’m fine. So I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jess asked.

“Count on it, we will be there sometime after 9:00. Thanks again for the good news. Bye.”

“Goodnight.” Jess replied and then hung the phone up.

She pulled another thirty-five cents out of her pocket and dialed Brian’s number. His answering machine picked up the call. That was not unusual for the guys to do that, they were constantly getting calls from girls that discover their numbers. She listened to the dull message on his machine: “Hi, you have reached 497-6695, please leave your name and message at the tone, thanks.”

“Wildcat, are you there, this is Jess.” Jessica had to use the code word so that Brian would pick up his phone. All of the guys had code names when they were screening their calls. Nick’s was Gooch. What a stupid nickname, Jess thought to herself.

“Yeah,” Brian answered. He sounded like he was asleep.

“Hey, it’s me, Jess. I wanted to let you know how Nick was doing.” Jess waiting to see if Brian was more alert.

“Oh, hi. How is he?”

“Much better, he’s come out of the coma about an hour ago. I just called his parents to let them know. Oh, Brian, it was so good to talk to Nick again. I was so scared.” Jess poured her heart out to Brian. She repeated the same story to him that she shared with Nick’s parents.

“Can he move at all?” Brian asked.

Jessica was starting to get scared. That seemed to be the only question she could not answer. She couldn’t remember if he did move his legs. She knew that he was moving his arms.

“Yeah, I guess so. I was so happy to hear him talk, I didn’t really notice him moving his legs. He complained that his head, stomach and side hurt so he must be okay.” Jess answered with a worried tone in her voice.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure he is okay, you know Nick...” Brian’s voice trailed off. “I plan on stopping in again tomorrow. Kev will be coming along with me. Is there anything you want me to bring along?” Brian offered.

“No, I’ll be okay.” Jess really needed a change of clothes, but she felt silly asking.

“You don’t sound too sure of yourself, what do you need?” Brian asked, “I told you anything you need, I can get you.”

“It’s silly, or I guess stupid, could you grab on of your tee shirts or something, I just need to change, I don’t know what I was thinking when I went home with you the other day.” Jess talked quickly, she was embarrassed.

“Not a problem, and you were thinking the same thing I was thinking, that Nick would be okay and coming home quickly. We will take care of you, remember, we’re family.” Brian reminded her what all the guys in the band say. They are a close knit group and watch out for one another.

“Thanks Brian.” Jess sighed.

“You’re welcome. Hey, give Nick a big squeeze on his foot and tell him it’s from me. I would tell you to give him a kiss, but well, I would rather do that in person. It’s more meaningful.” Brian laughed.

“Will do, Brian. Bye.” Jess laughed.

“C-ya later.” Brian hung the phone up.

Jessica walked back to Nick’s room after she stopped at the pantry on the floor to grab a cup of coffee. As she approached the door to Nick’s room, there were two girls dressing hospital garb talking to the security guard.

“But we’re from housekeeping and we need to go into that room.” Jess could tell right away that they did not work for the hospital, that they were fans.

“Where are your id badges then?” the guard asked impatiently.

“Uh, we forgot to put them on before we left home.” the girls said in unison.

“Sorry, no id, no entry. Have a nice night ladies and you better leave the hospital before I have you removed for trespassing.”

Jessica was walking towards the door and the girls were looking straight at her. Their mouths dropped open when Jess walked past them and opened the door to go in. Privately, Jess laughed inside. It was great to be able to do that.

Nick was still sleeping when she sat down and turned the television on. He started to stir as she sat down. Jess muted the volume on the TV thinking that was bothering Nick.

Nick softly moaned. She looked over at him to see if there was a problem. He opened his eyes slowly.

“Hey babe.” Jess softly spoke to him.

Nick turned his head slowly towards Jess. He could smell the coffee and that’s what woke him.

“Is the TV bothering you? I’ll turn it off if it is.” Jess offered.

Nick shook his head slowly. He swallowed and tried to form words to talk. “It’s k.” He spoke very quietly and you could tell how weak he was.

“Did you want some of your ice now?” Jess looked at the cup. It was filled with water, the ice had melted.

Nick nodded.

“I’ll go get you some fresh ice, be right back.” Jess got up quickly. She set her coffee cup on the bedstand. She hurried to get back to the room before he drifted off to sleep again.

Nick watched her walk out of the room. He was still having a hard time remembering what happened to him. The last thing he remembered was playing basketball with Brian. He could not remember the car accident. As he laid there, he checked out his body mentally. The first thing he did was run his tongue over his teeth, as if to do an inventory to see if they were still there. He noticed that his tongue hurt to use.

The next thing Nick did was move his arms and looked at the cuts and scrapes on them. He knew his side and stomach hurt, but he didn’t know why. He looked down at the foot of his bed. It was then that he noticed that he didn’t have any feelings in his legs. He tried to move his feet but there wasn’t any response at all. He took his hand and touched his thighs, he could feel them with his hand but his legs didn’t feel anything. “Oh my god, what is going on?” Nick thought to himself. “This is not real, I don’t understand this.”

“I’m back.” Jess announced when she came back. She looked at Nick and could see the worry on his face. “What’s wrong, Nicky?” Jess asked.

“How am I hurt?” Nick was barely able to get the words out. Jess had to strain to hear the words.

“Um, first, I want to take some ice,” Jess tried to use that time to think of how to explain his injuries. Nick opened his mouth to take some ice. All Jess could think of was a baby bird with it’s mouth open.

“When you were hit, your head hit the steering wheel and the car door, and you were in a coma for about a day and a half. The accident happened on Saturday afternoon, it is now Monday morning. The doctors were concerned that because of the swelling on the brain that there could be some brain damage.” Jess looked at Nick to see if he was understanding. Nick kept looking at her taking in all of the information. She continued, “You broke all of the ribs on your left side, which would account for the pain on your side and one of the ribs punctured your left lung. They had to put a tube into the lung to drain the fluids from it and to open it back up. Then they had to take you to surgery yesterday morning because you had some internal bleeding. You had some cuts on your liver that they fixed.” Jess did not want to offer any more information. She was hoping to skip the part about his spine hoping that there wasn’t a problem with that.

“What about my legs?’” Nick asked quietly.

“What do you mean?” Jess knew what was coming and she was afraid of getting emotional, afraid of concerning Nick.

“I can’t feel them.” Nick look scared.

“You can’t? That um, that could be temporary. Dr. Gaynor said that you bruised your spine in the accident. It must still be swollen, I mean you can move your arms so it must be a matter of time before your legs will be working. You’ve been through so much Nick and it hasn’t been that long. I’m sure we’ll know more in the morning.” Jess tried desperately to soothe Nick. She kissed him on the cheek.

Nick closed his eyes. It looked like he accepted that idea for now. Jess was hoping that what she said was true. “It has to be true, Nick would not be the same if he couldn’t dance, perform.” Jess thought to herself.

The late news was on and Jess turned the volume up a little when a picture of Nick was on the TV. She listened intently to the newscaster:

Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys is in critical but stable condition following a two car fatal accident near his home in Florida Saturday afternoon. Witnesses say that a pickup truck driven by Wayne Henderson of Plant City ran a red light and slammed into the vehicle driven by Carter. The driver of the truck died at the scene. A hospital spokesperson stated that Carter had underwent surgery to stem internal bleeding and he remains in a coma.

Jessica knew that the information the television provided was old, Nick was out of the coma now and looked pretty good. Hopefully tomorrow will bring more good news for a change. She dialed up a few channels and stopped on MTV. They were playing the latest BSB music video. Jess’s heart skipped a beat watching Nicky dancing. He was so fun to watch. He practiced so hard on perfecting the moves to that video. He was having so much fun doing it.

When the video ended, the V-jay was updating Nick’s condition:

Nick Carter was injured in a fatal two-car accident near his home in Tampa, Florida. He was injured when a driver of a pickup truck ran a red light and hit Carter’s vehicle on the driver’s side. The driver of the truck was killed instantly. Carter was transported to Tampa Bay Hospital and was reported to be in a coma earlier, but a hospital spokesperson reports that he is coming out of the coma and is responding to questions. We will keep you updated on his condition as details unfold.

They showed a picture of the hospital with the crowd that had gathered and was keeping a vigil. Then there was a clip of Brian and Nick’s parents leaving the hospital.

Brian Littrell and Bob and Jane Carter left the hospital early Sunday afternoon. Littrell is a close friend of Nick Carter’s and was keeping vigil after the accident.

Jess could tell that Brian was nervous walking from the hospital. In the video clip she could hear fans screaming. She felt sickened to think that at a time like that girls were still stalking the guys.

Jess was startled by the noise of the door opening. A nurse was coming in with new IV’s and a syringe. “Do you know what time it is?” Jess asked the nurse quietly.

“It’s 7:15.” the nurse answered back quietly.

Nick started to wake up. He looked over at the nurse that was pushing medication through his IV. She smiled at Nick. She was looking at her watch while she was injecting the medication.

“How are you feeling, need anything?” she asked Nick.

Before Nick could answer, another nurse appeared in the doorway. She also had a syringe. “Jill, I’m here to take another draw,” the short blonde nurse announced. She was dressed in a smock that had the Barney the dinosaur prints on it.

“Hey Nick, look, it’s Barney.” Jess teased.

“Ha ha.” Nick answered back dryly. It was barely audible.

The nurses laughed along. It was hard to make small talk with their patient. They knew his celebrity status and felt a little intimidated by it.

As the nurse put the needle into Nick’s arm, he winced. “Oh, I’m sorry honey,” the nurse replied.

The IV nurse was finishing up and asked Nick if he needed anything for pain. Nick nodded. He felt worse since he woke up. His stomach was hurting.

Dr. Gaynor entered the room. He was doing his usual morning rounds. “Good morning, I’m glad to hear we have someone back with us this morning.” Dr. Gaynor smiled at Nick.

“I’m Dr. Gaynor, I was on call when they brought you in Saturday.” The doctor rubbed Nick’s shoulder when he spoke. He set the chart on the bedstand. “I’ve been anxious to examine you once you were awake. You can tell me more this way then when you were unconscious.”

Dr. Gaynor started to do the vitals, listening to Nick’s chest, checking his eyes and ears. Then he started doing tests that he had not been able to do before. He took a pen light and held in front of Nick’s face.

“Follow the light with just your eyes.” Dr. Gaynor instructed.

Jess watched Nick’s eyes as they tracked the light perfectly.

“Okay, now can you drop your chin to your chest like this?” Dr. Gaynor demonstrated by lowering his chin to his chest in one motion.

Nick tried to copy the motion but could only get his head partway down.

“That’s fine, don’t worry about not getting it all the way down, that’s to be expected right now.” the doctor tried to reassure Nick and Jessica.

The doctor then pulled the blankets back. He asked Jessica to turn away for a moment while he checked Nick’s incision.

“OK, you can look back again. I just needed to look at the incision to make sure everything was doing well.”

The doctor then pulled the blankets all the way back exposing Nick’s legs. He pushed down on Nick’s right big toe.

“Nick, can you push back on my hand?” Dr. Gaynor asked.

Jess looked at Nick as he tried. His eyebrows were drawn and he struggled to move the hand. Dr. Gaynor tried the same thing with his left foot, without success.

“I would like to order some more tests to see what is going on and how his spine looks. There was quite a bit of swelling when he was admitted and we may have to change the dosage of the steroid we are using to reduce the swelling.” the doctor explained.

“Nick, it is a little too early to be concerned about your not being able to move your legs. Your body went through a traumatic injury and the body needs time to heal. The tests could reveal a few more things that we may have missed and I would like to look at them before I make any more decisions. Are there any questions you have for me?” Dr. Gaynor asked as he stood up.

Both Nick and Jess looked at each other. The doctor answered any question they would have when he talked about paralysis and the possibility that it may be temporary.

“I know you’re anxious to be one hundred percent better, but these things take time. When you are starting to feel better, we will want to start physical and occupational therapy.” the doctor stated.

“How long until then?” Jess asked.

“I would expect no earlier than the end of the week if things go okay.” Dr. Gaynor responded.

“How does Nick’s bloodwork look?” Jess was hoping that it was improving.

Dr. Gaynor took the chart from the bedstand and thumbed through it. “Well, the most recent draw shows his hemoglobin level at ten point eight, which is still low, but he is improving. I expect that the latest draw should come in the same or a few points higher.”

“Anything you need, Nick?” Dr. Gaynor asked before he was leaving.

“He asked the nurse for something for the pain and she hasn’t come back yet.” Jess answered.

“Where do you hurt, Nick?” Dr. Gaynor asked.

Nick tried to speak up. Nothing came out the first time. He swallowed and then managed to say, “My stomach.” Nick was very weak and the words barely came out.

“He is still so weak, is this normal?” Jess was concerned.

“It will take some time for Nick to get his strength back.” Dr. Gaynor responded. “I’ll see if that nurse is coming back with the medication.”

Dr. Gaynor left the room. Jess smoothed Nick’s hair off his forehead. “I’m sure the nurse will be in soon.”

Just as Jess finished, a nurse did return with a syringe. She injected the medication into the IV line.

“Would you like to get a fresh gown on and maybe get cleaned up a little?” the nurse asked Nick.

“Yeah.” Nick mumbled.

“I’ll bring the things in and Jessica can wash you up, unless you would rather someone else did it,” the nurse inquired.

Nick was shocked to think of some stranger giving him a sponge bath. “She can.” Nick smiled at Jess weakly.

“When can he get his hair washed?” Jess asked the nurse. His blonde hair was almost dark brown from the blood that had stained it.

“We could send someone in to do that for you. We have a kit that can be sent up. Would you like to have your hair washed?” the nurse asked Nick in an upbeat way.

Nick managed to nod his head slightly.

“Okay, I’ll put a call in for that and hopefully it will be here quickly. I’ll be back in a sec with the stuff for him to get cleaned up.”

“Would you like the TV on or listen to some music? Something to take your mind off being washed by yours truly?” Jess winked at Nick.

“TV is k.” Nick answered back.

Jess turned the TV on as the nurse came back with the supplies for his sponge bath. She told Jess that the basin to wash his hair was on the way and she would be back in to do that.

Jessica went over to the sink with the tub and filled it with warm water. The nurse supplied her with a washcloth and some baby bath and baby powder. She made a mental note to go down to the pharmacy later to get some toiletries for Nick. She came back and set the tub on the bedstand and started by gently washing Nick’s face.

“Let me know if I hurt you, I’m scared to do this.” Jess said as she washed where his face was scraped the worst.

“Feels good.” Nick whispered. He closed his eyes while she washed him and dried him off, a section at a time. She got done with his feet when there was a knock at the door. It opened slightly.

“Is it okay to come in with the basin?” the nurse asked from the other side of the door.

“Yup, I’m just finishing his feet.” Jess replied.

The nurse walked in. “Don’t you feel better, Nick?” she asked as she walked over to the sink.

Nick smiled. He did feel good, it was amazing how good he felt after something so simple.

The nurse set up the basin and did the tedious job of washing his hair. The water was brown from the blood that was being rinsed out of it. After she shampooed his hair and rinsed it twice she gently toweled it dry.

“I’ll bet that feels good. I can’t stand it when my hair isn’t washed everyday, bet you were going crazy.” the nurse was making idle conversation to put Nick at ease. “Now you’ll be up for your family to come and see you.”

Jess looked at Nick’s face. His cheeks had better color in them since the bath and his eyes seemed to look brighter. She could tell by looking at him that he did feel better.

The door opened slowly and Brian’s face peeked around it. “Is it okay to come in?” he asked sheepishly.

“Sure, come in.” Jessica stood up.

Brian walked in the room followed by Kevin. Nick was asleep. Brian hugged Jessica and then Kevin went to her and gave her a tight hug.

“How are you doing?” Kevin asked.

“Okay.” Jess looked up at him. He was so tall, but Nick was still taller.

Both boys walked over to Nick’s bed. Kevin looked at Nick’s bruised face. It was the first time he had seen Nick in over a week. They were on a mini vacation before they would leave on for their new album release.

“How long has he been sleeping?” Brian asked. He was anxious to talk to Nick. He didn’t want to wake him up.

“About an hour. His mom and dad were here a while ago and he fell asleep while they were here.” Jess spoke softly.

“Anything new in his condition?” Brian asked.

“The doctor wants to do some new tests to find out the extent of any permanent damage to his spine. He is hoping that maybe a new steroid will help with the swelling and that may be the whole problem with his legs.”

Nick coughed. He was starting to wake up. His eyes slowly opened and he looked at Kevin. He looked puzzled to see him standing there.

“Hey Chaos. How ya doin’?” Kevin smiled at Nick.

Nick managed a smile at Kevin. He slowly turned his head towards Brian and Jessica.

“Nicky, my boy.” Brian smiled. “I’ve been waiting to talk to you. You’ve had us pretty worried.”

Nick’s response was a smile back at Brian. He slowly closed his eyes and opened them again. The drugs that he was getting was making him very sleepy. It was a struggle to keep his eyes open and talk.

“Hey.” Nick finally was able to get the word out. Kevin touched his friend on the shoulder. He knew it was hard for Nick to talk right now. As he looked at Nick he had to fight back the tears that he could feel burning his eyes. It was hard for him to take this. Nick was too young to have anything like this happen.

“How are you feeling?” Kevin asked Nick.

“Road kill.” Nick joked. Everyone laughed. Nick was still cracking jokes even though he was feeling crappie. That was Nick, he hates to see anyone down.

“Seriously?” Brian asked.

“He should feel pretty damn good.” Jessica snapped back lightly. “I gave him a sponge bath this morning, he refused the chance of having a nurse give him one.”

The guys looked at Nick.

“Is this true, Nick? I can’t believe you passed the chance on a gorgeous nurse toweling your body down, you must of got hit in the head really hard,” Brian joked.

“Hey, wait a minute, I think I can be just a gorgeous as any damn nurse, and maybe better than any damn nurse. I give courteous professional service.” Jessica interjected.

“True, I guess Nick was afraid they would have sent in some 450 pound woman to attend to his needs.” Kevin replied.

They laughed at Nick’s expense. Nick smiled a half-hearted smile. There was so much he could say back, but he didn’t have the energy. Just as things died down in the room, an orderly came in.

“I need to take you down for some tests, can I see your wrist?” the orderly kept his head down and didn’t make eye contact with anyone in the room. He acted painfully shy.

“What tests?” Jessica asked.

“He needs to have an MRI, CT scan and few other tests with contrast or dye.” the orderly stated.

Nick’s nurse came into the room as the orderly was verifying the information on his chart with Nick’s hospital bracelet.

“Sorry, we have to steal Nick for a while. These things always seem to happen when you have company, never fails,” she apologized. “Jessica, I think it would be a good idea for you to take a breather, Nick will be gone for a few hours from his room and you can’t accompany him into the rooms for the tests, don’t you think so, Nick?” the nurse looked at Nick for approval.

“Go on.” Nick said softly, “I’ll be OK.”

“Yeah, Jess, you can come with Kev and me. We’ll take you somewhere to rest. Nick will be okay.” Brian pulled at Jessica’s arm.

“Are you sure you want me to go?” Jess asked Nick.

Nick nodded his head slowly. He closed his eyes. Jess touched his shoulder. Nick slowly opened his eyes and looked into her eyes. Jessica bent over and gave Nick a soft kiss on the lips.

“I love you, Nick. I’ll be back soon.” she whispered into his ear.

of Nick smiled faintly. “Love you too.” No one could hear what he said, but Jess could read his lips.

Brian, Jess and Kevin waited until they took Nick in his bed out of the room to the elevator.

“Are ye ready to go, miss?” Brian asked Jess in a corny Irish accent.

“Sure,” Jess replied.

“Ok, let’s hit the road.” Kevin opened the door for Brian and Jessica.

They got on the elevator and Kevin and Brian put their hats on and sunglasses. They were preparing to go out in public. Jessica couldn’t help but laugh. When she looked at them all she could see was Kevin and Brian.

“What’s so funny? “ Brian asked her with a puzzled look on his face.

“Nothing, it’s just that I know it’s you guys, you wouldn’t fool me one bit.” Jessica laughed.

“Hehehehe.” Kevin imitated her laugh. “Remember your smart remarks when we get to the car, funny girl.”

The elevator stopped on the lobby floor. All three of them walked out and through the crowd in the lobby. So far so good, Brian thought to himself as they got to the front door. As soon as they opened the door, the roar of the crowd on the front lawn hit them.

“Ohmygod, it’s Brian and Kevin,” some girls screamed in the crowd.

“Hold on tight Jess, we’ve gotta make a run for the car.” Brian shouted as they started to run. He knew from experience that the crowd was going to rush them. Sure enough, when they started to run, there were several girls chasing them screaming and crying.

They made it to Kevin’s car and no one wasted time arguing about who was going to drive, sit in front or whatever. They slid in and Kevin started the car and put it in reverse. He didn’t care about the people that were standing behind the car, he knew that they would move.

They sped out of the parking lot and onto the busy street. Kevin and Brian both glanced at each other and high-fived.

“Is this what you guys go through a lot lately?” Jess asked.

“Just recently,” Brian said. “The fans know that we would be at the hospital visiting Nick, so naturally, they are looking for us and scrutinize every body that walks past them. When you put a good looking guy like me, with an old man like Kevin, well, you do the math.”

“Hey, that’s uncalled for.” Kevin shot back.

Jessica laughed at them. They made her feel good. For a few moments she forgot about Nick being so sick.

“How about grabbing a bite to eat, Jess you up for it?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, I guess I am a little hungry.” Jessica answered.

“Where do you wanna go?” Kevin asked.

“I don’t care, you’re the driver,” Jessica told Kevin.

“Awh, I hate making decisions like this. What are you hungry for? Jess, Brian?” Kevin tried to take the pressure off of himself.

“I don’t care.” Jess and Brian said. “Come-on, I want to know,” Kevin sounded irritated. “I hate deciding. Brian, you make up your mind, you always are the one that does when we’re on the road.”

“No I don’t, Howie does.” Brian answered back.

“Well, Howie isn’t in the car now, is he?” Kevin shot back sarcastically.

“Then I’ll call him.” Brian picked up his cellphone.

“You guys are both morons.” Jessica laughed as she watched Brian dial the phone.

“Damnit, he isn’t answering his phone. Must be in the shower or something.” Brian said when he shut his phone off.

“Well, we could drive around for a few hours to kill time and then we can run out of gas and starve to death, what’s it gonna be?” Kevin was pleading by now.

“I’m not hungry anymore.” Jess snickered.

Kevin shot a look at her in his rearview mirror. “Don’t make me turn this car around and head back,” he teased.

“I’m hungry for a nice juicy steak,” Brian decided outloud.

As luck would have it, they were stopped at an intersection with an Outback Steakhouse located 500 feet away. Kevin wasted no time pulling in.

“Glad that’s decided.” Kevin said as they found a parking spot. The restaurant looked crowded.

They walked into the restaurant and were seated right away. There was a mixture of age groups in the restaurant. The older ones didn’t seem to notice Kevin and Brian, but the younger ones....

“Um, hi, could I get your autographs?” a girl who appeared to be around fourteen stood at the table holding onto a napkin and a pen.

Kevin and Brian looked at each other. Brian took the girl’s napkin and pen and signed his name quickly. Kevin did the same after Brian. As the girl was leaving, they saw a few more kids heading over to the table. “Man, this could go on all through dinner, Kev. Ya know we shouldn’t of signed her stuff.” Brian sighed.

Just as the girls were getting closer to their table, they were cut off by the manager of the restaurant. They could hear him tell the girls that they needed to sit down and leave us alone. The girls turned away and went back to their seats.

“Sorry about that,” the manager came over to their table and apologized for the intrusion.

“Thanks.” Kevin and Brian said together.

Their waitress came and took their orders. Brian told her that it was to be on one check and that Kevin was getting it. Kevin smiled at Brian with a look that said “I’ll get even with you later.” They spent the time waiting talking like Australians making jokes in an accent. Jessica forgot about how junior high school acting these guys can get to be.

“Eh, look over there, that lady, the one with the blue hair, it’s me mum.” Brian said in an Aussie accent.

Jessica rolled her eyes while she laughed at Brian. “You guys are too retarded.”

“Why thank ye mate.” Brian replied. When they got served their food and was part way into the meal, a man appeared and took several quick photos of the group.

“Hey, we’re eating, do you mind?” Kevin was visibly angry.

The photographer left the area quickly when the manager escorted him to the door.

“I hate when that happens, I know that we are going to be photographed, but not while we’re eating, for crying out loud.” Kevin was still peeved about the paparazzi.

When the meal was finished and they were leaving the restaurant, there was a group of photographers across the parking lot. Cameras simultaneously flashed. Kevin, Brian and Jess focused on getting to the car and getting out of there.

Jess, Kevin and Brian were relieved when they made it to the hospital elevator. The crowd had grown and there was a lot of screaming when they ran to the hospital doors. As long as Jess was with them when they got to Nick’s room, they wouldn’t have to stop by the security guard for entry.

When they got off on the fourth floor, they saw that there were five girls standing with the security guard trying to get into Nick’s room. The girls stared in disbelief as they watched Brian and Kevin walk past them with Jessica. Jess pointed to her badge around her neck in a discreet manner to clue the guard in on her privileges without having to stop.

They found Nick sleeping once inside the room. Brian and Kevin quietly found a chair and sat down on one side of the bed so that Jess could be with Nick on the other side.

Nick had the television on so at least they had something to do besides stare at Nick while he was sleeping. The station was on MTV and by coincidence, they were showing a Backstreet Boys video. Jess watched Nick on the TV dancing to their new song, I Want it That Way which had been released recently. She wondered how long it would be before Nick was able to perform again, or if he would be able to perform again.

“That was a lot of fun with the fans in the background.” Kevin said softly. “Nicky was so shy around them, I think he was kinda afraid that he would get sucked into the crowd even in a controlled environment where we were filming. Some bad memories take a long time to go away.”

Kevin was talking about the time they were on tour in Orlando. Some fans got over excited and Nick bent over on stage to take some stuff the girls had held up for him. When he reached out, someone grabbed his arm and pulled him into the audience. It didn’t take much time for the security to respond and grab Nick and pull him to safety and back onto the stage. Except for getting a good bruise on his butt, Nick was okay and a little shaken.

Nick moaned softly. He opened his eyes and looked at Brian and Kevin sitting beside him. He smiled.

“Hey Nick, how you feeling?” Kevin asked.

“Sore.” was all that Nick managed to say.

Jessica leaned over and gave Nick a kiss on the cheek. His skin felt hot. Jess looked at him closer and noticed his face was flushed.

“Are you warm, Nick?” Jess asked.

“No, cold.” Nick whispered.

Jessica pulled the covers up to get him warmer. This was the answer she was hoping Nick would have told her, he was shivering and she knew that he was chilled.

“I think I’m gonna call your nurse to come in and take a look at you, I think you may be running a temp.” Jessica prayed that her assumptions were wrong.

Jess pressed the call button and the nurse entered the room almost instantly. She was holding a syringe which meant that she was planning on coming in before Jess had hit the call button.

“ESP.” Brian commented.

“I was coming in to give Nick his IV meds, the doctor ordered a change in the steroids we were giving him.” the nurse stated as she was pushing the medication into the IV line. Was there something Nick needs?” she looked up at Nick briefly.

“I thought Nick looked a little flushed and he feels hot to me. Nick says he’s cold and he was shivering too. Am I being over-concerned or what?” Jess ran the words together because she was so nervous.

“Okay, when I’m done with his IV I’ll come back and check his temperature.” the nurse said as she was still pushing the IV. “Nick are you comfortable as far as pain?” she asked.

Nick made an attempt to shrug his shoulders. He didn’t know if he was comfortable or not, his chest hurt and his stomach. Nothing really changed as far as pain since he had been awake from his coma.

“Would you like something for the pain?” the nurse asked.

Nick nodded. He didn’t like getting pain medication because it made him so sleepy, but everything they had given him so far made him tired anyway.

The nurse left and was back with a thermometer and a syringe for pain medication. She took the thermometer and inserted it into Nick’s left ear. A beep went off almost instantly. She looked at the reading and reset it and tried it again. The beep went off quickly again.

“What it is?” Jess wondered.

“It’s one hundred four point two.” she replied.

Jessica could tell that she was concerned. Nick was burning up, the fever was much too high which could mean that he was fighting an infection of some type.

She gave Nick his pain medication through the IV line. No one talked in the room while she was working. When she finished, she left the room.

Nick stared at the television sleepily. The medication was starting to slowly work. Pretty soon he would be asleep again. He was trying to fight that part of the medicine but was losing the battle. His eyelids were getting heavy.

“That’s okay buddy,” Brian talked to Nick. “Go ahead and rest, you need it.”

Nick accepted Brian’s suggestion without question. As he drifted off to sleep he was startled awake by a stabbing pain in his arm. He opened his eyes to find a lab technician beside him drawing more blood.

“Ohgod.” Nick muttered. He was getting sick of all the tests that they were doing. It seemed like an endless cycle of x-rays and lab tests. When were they going to stop this shit. Nick thought to himself. He knew that they were only doing this for the good of his health, but enough was enough. If he could get up out of the bed, he would and walk away just to escape all of it.

“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” the tech asked Nick.

“No, I’m just tired.” Nick spoke up. Jessica was kind of startled at how much more clearer his voice was this time and it was more than two words.

“Why are they taking more blood, I thought they were happy with doing a blood draw once a day for his iron levels.” Jessica was trying to defend Nick since it seemed he was getting tired of the whole thing.

“The doctor ordered this test a little bit ago. I’ll have his nurse come in if you have any questions.” the tech replied as she took the vial of blood and shook it and then labeled it and put it back into her cart.

Just as the tech walked out of the room the door was opened wide and the portable x-ray machine came into the room. The x-ray technician was an overly friendly man who cheerfully announced that he needed to take a picture of Nick’s chest.

“Oh god not this again.” Nick hated having that x-ray taken because of how they had to position him and move him. His ribs were still healing but moving was painful. It hurt to take a deep breath when he would want to speak up.

“Sorry dude, doctors orders.” The tech smiled as he got the film and placed it behind Nick’s back.

“I need you people to step out into the hall, for your safety.”

Jessica, Brian and Kevin walked out into the hallway while the technician took the films.

For your safety, Nick thought to himself, what about my safety?

As he was enduring the x-rays, Jess, Kevin and Brian stood out in the hallway across from Nick’s room. Nick’s nurse walked over to them to tell them what was going on.

“I called his doctor after I saw that his temperature had gone up and he wanted some blood tests and x-rays to rule out a few things.”

“What does he suspect?” Brian asked.

“A rise in his temperature could indicate many things such as an infection, pneumonia, anything. He wants to look at the tests before he can determine what is going on.” she replied. “I will make sure you know as soon as we know.”

The x-ray tech wheeled the machine out of the room. Jess wished she could ask him what the films looked like but knew that he would not tell her. The group walked back into Nick’s room only to find him laying there with his face distorted in pain.

“Is there something I can get you?” Jess asked Nick.

All Nick could do was shake his head. It hurt to breathe. He was blaming it on the x-rays not knowing that something terrible was going on in his body. He coughed and moaned after he coughed.

Brian and Kevin decided that it would be best for them to leave so that Nick could get some rest. They each said goodbye to Nick either by grabbing his shoulder or messing his hair.

Jess got up and hugged Brian and then Kevin and thanked them for coming up and staying with them for awhile.

“Call us and let us know.” Kevin said as they were leaving.

“See you later.” Brian smiled at Jess and Nick.

Jessica had drifted off to sleep in the chair beside Nick’s bed. She woke up when she heard Nick coughing and the warning bell on the oxygen monitor. The level numbers had gone down to an 86 satuation level. Jess tried to wake Nick up so that he would quit coughing and take a few deep breaths.

Nick woke up still coughing and trying to catch his breath. It hurt with each gulp of air that he took. The air seemed to sear his lungs.

A nurse burst into the room and saw the oxygen levels and immediately turned up the oxygen that Nick was getting and hit the code blue button behind his bed. Within minutes a team of medical personnel were in Nick’s room and surrounded his bed.

Jessica stood back from the bed and watched from a corner in the room. She watched in disbelief as the medical personnel were working frantically on Nick. From where Jess was standing she could still see Nick’s face. She could tell that he was no longer conscious and that his lips were a bluish-gray. She put her hand to her mouth, “Oh my god, he isn’t gone, he can’t be gone.” Jess thought to herself as she looked at Nick. He looked to her as if he was dead.

The next thing she saw them do made her start to cry. They pulled Nick’s head back and inserted a breathing tube into his throat.

“Oh, please not this again, she thought. He’s supposed to be getting better, not worse.”

Once the device was in place and the machine started pumping oxygen into Nick’s lungs, the color returned to his face and mouth. Most of the medical personnel remained in the room checking the apparatus and Nick. His nurse came over the Jess to talk with her.

“Honey, he’s stable now,” the nurse said as she put her arm around Jessica.

“What’s happening to him?” Jess was shocked.

“We had to put another tube down into his throat to help him breathe. Nick has developed pneumonia and was unable to breathe and that’s what caused his attack. We needed to get oxygen to him quickly and tubing him was the only way to go other than going cutting his throat and putting a tube in there,” the nurse knew how important it was to avoid the throat and said something to the medical personnel when they were working on Nick.

“How long will this have to stay in?” Jess knew that Nick would freak when he awoke to find tubes in his mouth.

“Hopefully not too long, they will wait to see how Nick does when he wakes up and check his lungs. We are going to put a stronger antibiotic in his IV to try to push the pneumonia out. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Nick’s nurse excused herself as she walked out the door.

Jessica walked over to the bed and stroked Nick’s hair away from his forehead. She hated the hissing sound of the respirator. It almost was as if Nick was back to where he started and wouldn’t get better.

Chapter Eleven


It had been several hours since Nick had been asleep.
Jessica heard Nick moving in the bed and looked over
to see
him grab at his mouth at the tubes. His eyes were
open and
looked wild with fear. He looked at Jessica wanting
to talk
to her.

“I know, they had to do this because you were
suffocating. Now that you’re awake, maybe they can
take it
out for you. Don’t try to fight the machine, let it
work
for you.” Jessica said as she hit the nurse call
light.

Nick panicked when he woke up with the tubes in
his throat. It was a terrible feeling not to be able
to
talk, swallow or breathe on your own. He was scared
and
wondered what was happening to him.

As the nurse entered the room, Jessica did not
waste a second informing her that Nick was awake. The
nurse
did an about-face and left the room. She was back in
a
minute with a resident physician and they grabbed
gloves and
walked on either side of Nick’s bed. The nurse
assisted the
physician and told Nick to relax so they could take
the
tubes out. She put her hand on his forehead and moved
it
back so that his chin pointed upwards. The resident
wasted
no time in taking the tubing and gently pulling it out
of
Nick’s mouth.

Jessica watched Nick’s face as the tubes came out
of his throat. Once the tubes were out, the nurse put
the
green oxygen tube back into Nick’s nose and then
watched to
see what the oxygen saturation levels peaked to. If
they
didn’t stay where they should be, they would have to
put an
oxygen tent around Nick.

His levels stayed at 94 percent, they weren’t the
greatest, but they would do for now. The nurse was
glad
they wouldn’t have to do anything more to Nick at this
point.

“Is there anything you need, honey?” the nurse
asked Nick as she was preparing to leave the room.

Nick opened his mouth to speak, his throat felt
weird after having the tubes in his throat. He tried
to
clear his throat, but was having difficulty in doing
so.
The nurse walked over to the sink and drew a glass of
water
for Nick and came back and had him take a sip.

“No thanks.” Nick replied hoarsely.

“I know you’re feeling pretty weak, Nick, but with
your pneumonia, you should try to take deep breaths
and you
should try to talk more. I’m gonna check with Dr.
Gaynor
and see what he thinks about trying to get you to sit
up
today. I think you’ve been laying down too long.”
The
nurse left the room.

“Wow, wouldn’t that feel good to sit up?” Jessica
asked Nick.

“Great.” Nick replied half-heartily. All he
could think of was how much it would hurt and that how
would
he stay up if he can’t feel his legs yet.

Not too much time had gone by when the nurse
cheerfully entered the room with another nurse.

“Good news Nick! We’re going to try to have you
sit up a little bit.”

“How?” Nick was puzzled. He couldn’t imagine
those two tiny women trying to move him around.

“We need you to help us, we don’t plan on doing
all of the work now.” the nurse replied as she was
slowly
raising the back of Nick’s bed. “Let me know if you
start
to feel dizzy.”

“Whoa, stop.” Nick was already feeling woozy when
the bed started to push him up.

“It’s okay we’ll go slow, you tell us when you’re
ready.”

They waited and watched Nick’s face. He looked
pale. He didn’t want to move anymore.

“Can we stop here for now?” Nick wanted this to
stop, he was scared and didn’t feel comfortable with
not
being able to feel from the waist down. He didn’t
know what
to expect.

“Sure. Let’s leave your bed up like this for
awhile and give your lungs a chance to open up
somemore. How
are you feeling?” Nick’s nurse asked.

“Okay, I guess,” Nick replied quietly. He wasn’t
sure how he felt.

“Good, then we’ll leave you up for awhile and
we’ll come back in a little bit, okay?” the nurse
asked.

“Fine.” Nick answered. He looked around his room
from his new vantage point. Everything looked
different to
him at the new angle. He looked at Jessica. She
smiled at
him.

“One step closer, eh?” Jess was trying to
encourage Nick.

“Yeah, I guess.” Nick replied. His attention got
distracted when a commercial blared loudly on the
television. It was for MTV:

Backstreet Boys new album, Millennium which
debuted last month has topped the charts. The boys
will be
kicking off their American tour in two weeks. Join us
as we
will be interviewing Nick, AJ, Howie, Brian and Kevin,
Monday, June 26 at 8:00 p.m. eastern and central.

Jess looked at Nick. This was almost like a stab
in the heart. Things had been scheduled months ago.
How
was the band going to deal with this? There was no
way Nick
would be well enough by next Monday or in two weeks.

“I guess this will give me something to shoot
for.” Nick said quietly.

“Nick, you’re crazy, how could you possibly be
ready to tour, let alone interview when you can’t even
sit
up by yourself yet?” Jessica tried to reason with
him.

“Watch me.” Nick answered bluntly.

 

Nick woke up after an uneventful night and looked
over at Jessica curled up in a chair trying to get
comfortable. He wished he could get out of the bed and
cover her up, she looked cold and so alone in that chair.



Nick stretched and yawned. He noticed something
new going on with his body, there was a tingling feeling in
his toes. It was like a pins and needles feeling, but
nonetheless, it was a feeling.

“YES.” Nick cheered out loud.

Jessica woke up when she heard Nick. She looked
over at his bed and found him grinning ear to ear. She
hadn’t seen him that happy for quite a few days.

“What’s up, something good I suspect?” Jessica
smiled.

“I can feel my toes! This is great, I can feel my
toes!” Nick kept saying it over and over.

“Can you move your legs?” Jess asked.

“I dunno, I haven’t tried.” Nick’s face twisted
in concentration as he tried to move one of his legs. The
only response that he got was a spasmatic twitch of his left
foot.

“I’m not sure if that’s what I intended to do, but
hey, it’s starting to work.” Nick was proud that his
feeling was returning.

Dr. Gaynor entered the room. “Good morning Nick,
how are you feeling today?”

“I can feel my toes.” Nick responded.

“You can?” Dr. Gaynor went over to the foot of
the bed and squeeze Nick’s foot. “Can you feel me squeezing
your foot?”

“YES!” Nick was so happy.

“You must be feeling better, You are talking a lot
more.” Dr. Gaynor observed.

“Well, the nurse said it would be better for me to
try and talk a little more even when I don’t feel like it.”
Nick sounded like he was apologizing for speaking.

“And she was right. Let’s see here.” Dr. Gaynor
was flipping through Nick’s thick chart. “We are trying to
push the pneumonia out of your lungs. The tests we did the
other day indicated that your spinal cord was still swollen
and we were trying different steroids to see if that would
do the job. If you are feeling your toes, I think the
steroids are doing the right job.” Dr. Gaynor smiled.

After doing his assessments on Nick he opened the
chart and wrote something hastily on it.

“I am going to start physical therapy for you
today. We had talked about Friday being the earliest for
you to start, but I think you’re coming along well so the
sooner the better. How’s that sound to you?” Dr. Gaynor
asked Nick.

Nick was anxious to start getting his life back on
track. “Suits me fine, doc.” He smiled as he responded.

“Are you feeling hungry?” Dr. Gaynor asked.

“I’m starving.” Nick replied.

“Good, we’ll start you on a gradual diet, can’t
start you off on Big Macs and fries, you have to work your
way up to it.” Dr. Gaynor wrote more things down on Nick’s
chart. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Wow, I can feel my toes and I can eat! SWEET.”
Nick was happy that things were finally starting to go
towards the positive instead of having all the bad things
happening.

“Don’t get too excited about eating yet, you
haven’t seen what they’re gonna bring in.” Jess replied
from experience. “Do you like jello?”

“Babe, right now jello sounds like heaven.” Nick
didn’t care what he was getting, he just knew that this
meant that he was on the road to recovery and eating would
help him get his strength back.

There was a faint knock on the door. “Come in.”
Nick replied.

A tiny, shy food service worker came into the room
with a tray. Jessica could tell by looking at her that she
was probably a Backstreet Boys fan and was trembling to
think that she would get this close to Nick Carter. She
walked towards him with the tray and set it down on his
bedstand. She smiled nervously.

“Thank you.” Nick smiled at her.

“You’re welcome.” the girl responded. She looked
as if she would faint from being acknowledged.

“Oooh, look, green jello.” Nick was checking his
tray over. The tray looked big and dwarfed the tiny items
that he had been brought to eat. There was jello, clear
chicken broth and hot tea.

“Yum, yum. I never knew you would grow to love
those things, Nickolas Carter.” Jess laughed.

“I don’t care, I’m just pretending that this is
pizza.” Nick said as he started eating.

Jess watched as he ate. It was so good to see him
upbeat and alive. She prayed that he would get strong soon.
Maybe seeing that commercial on MTV sparked something in
Nick.

“Would you like to call Brian today and talk to
him, or do you want him to come and see you?” Jess asked
Nick while he was eating.

“I don’t care. What do you want?” Nick asked.

“I’m fine either way, but if you don’t want them
over to visit, we should at least call him.” Jessica
answered.

“I’ll think about it. We need to see what they
plan on doing with me today.” Nick was excited to think
that maybe he would be getting out of bed. He was tired of
laying on his back.

“Hi Nick,” Nick’s nurse walked into his room.
I’ve got good news for you.”

“Hi.” Nick replied as he was pulling his covers
trying to smooth the blankets out.

“We are going to move you from ICU to a new room
today. I don’t think that you will be needing all of this
attention now that you are feeling better. This is one good
step into recovery, but unfortunately, this means that I
won’t be your nurse anymore. Don’t worry though, I will be
keeping tabs on you.” The nurse winked at Nick and Jess.

“How are they gonna move him?” Jess wondered
outloud.

“Well, by wheelchair, of course.” The nurse
replied.

Jess and Nick looked at each other.

“Wow, I get to go for a ride.” Nick didn’t look
too certain about that. He could feel his toes, but still
couldn’t really move his legs.

“You don’t sound too sure about that. Don’t worry,
I have moved people worse off than you, haven’t lost one
yet.”

“Do you know what room he’ll be in yet?” Jessica
wanted to know so they could let Nick’s parents and the guys
know where he would be.

“It said on his chart room 6265, so he’ll be on
the sixth floor. He will have a private room, of course,
and the security will go up to that room now.”

“Security?” Nick asked.

“Of course, once word leaked out where you were,
there was all sorts of commotion and people trying to come
in here and see you. I thought you knew.” The nurse told
Nick. She was kind of shocked herself to think that Nick
wouldn’t realize the type of hysteria he could cause, but
then she thought that showed how down to earth and an
uncelebrity Nick could be.

“Oh, Nick, you should see the front lawn to the
hospital, there are so many people out there. It’s gotten
pretty hairy for Brian and Kevin. They had a hard time
coming and going the last time they came to see you.”
Jessica explained.

“Wow.” Nick said outloud as he was taking in what
Jessica was saying. He couldn’t believe that this was
happening for him. He tried to keep his thoughts even and
not let it go to his head.

An orderly appeared with a wheelchair. “Are you
ready to move?” He asked Nick.

“He hasn’t been out of bed by himself yet, I think
we’re gonna need help.” Jess suggested to the muscular
orderly.

“His nurse was supposed to be here behind me.
Let’s get the chair set and ready to go. She should be here
in a minute.”

The orderly put the chair next to the bed as close
as he could get it. The nurse entered the room.

“Okay Nick, we’re going to do this slowly. I want
you to raise the back of your bed to a sitting position.”

Nick slowly raised the bed.

“If you feel funny, stop, though.” The nurse
watched Nick’s face as he was moving the bed.

“So far so good.” Nick replied.

“Okay, now Matt and I are going to take care of
you. I’m going to put my hand on your back as you scooch
your butt over to the side of the bed. This will keep you
from falling back. Don’t worry, nothing will happen.”

Nick leaned forward and tried to turn himself by
his butt. He slowly but successfully managed as the orderly
was holding onto Nick’s upper arm.

“Okay, now here’s the tricky part,” the nurse
thought outloud. “Dangle your feet over the side of the
bed.”

Nick complied to the command. They had him sit
there for a few moments while the orderly held onto Nicks
arm. The nurse scurried around to the other side of the bed
and unplugged Nick’s IV and moved it to the side of the bed
that he was facing.

“Do you think you’re ready to go to the chair?”
the nurse asked Nick.

“I guess so.” Nick was scared that he was going
to fall.

“Okay, no surprises, on the count of three we’re
gonna lift you from the bed and move you to the chair,
okay?” the nurse asked before they continued.

Nick nodded yes and took a breath in.

“Okay, one, two, three.” They slid Nick off the
bed and into the wheelchair in one sweeping motion. The
Nurse and the orderly placed Nick’s feet on the footrests on
the chair and she then took the oxygen tubing off of his
face.

“How are you feeling?” She looked her patient
over, she could see his legs were shaky.

“Weak,” was all that Nick could manage. He felt
hot and then cold. His legs were shaking and he couldn’t
stop them.

The nurse grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around
Nick’s legs.

“I’m gonna have you sit here a few minutes before
we move you.” The nurse made sure that they had all of the
equipment in place before they started to move Nick.

As they pushed Nick out into the hallway, he
looked at the surroundings. He had not been out of his room
for a few days and that was on a stretcher, so things looked
different to him. Nick noticed the tall security guard
standing by the door in the hall.

“Isn’t it nice to be able to sit up?” Jessica
smiled at Nick.

Nick responded with a smile back at her. The
elevator ride to his room was slow as they got stopped at
each floor to let other hospital employees on and off. When
they finally got off on the sixth floor, the orderly pushed
the wheel chair to the end of the hall to the last door on
the left. A security guard was already standing outside of
the doorway.

Once they entered the room, Nick couldn’t believe
all of the flowers, balloons and beanie babies that were
surrounding the entire room.

“These have been waiting for you for quite awhile,
you can’t have anything in ICU so they had been holding them
for you up until now. Isn’t it neat?” Jess asked Nick.

Nick sat in the chair staring at all of the stuff
in the room. He didn’t know what to think or say, he just
sat there with his mouth hanging open.

“Well, aren’t you gonna say anything?” Jess
asked.

“Wow.” was all Nick could managed. He was
overwhelmed to think that there were so many people out
there that cared about him.

The orderly pushed the wheelchair close to the bed
and put down the safety levers to prevent the wheels from
moving.

“Are you comfortable right now or would you like
to lay down?” he asked Nick.

“Is it okay to sit up for a little longer?” Nick
asked. He was hurting, but the thought of laying back down
in the bed at this point didn’t appeal to him.

“I suppose it won’t hurt to sit up for a little
bit. I’ll be back in about 10 minutes or so.” with that,
the orderly left Nick and Jessica alone.

Jessica walked around the room looking at the
cards on the flowers. A lot of the flowers had been sent by
fans. There were a few that were from close friends and
relatives of Nick’s.

“Hey, you’re not allergic to pollen or anything,
are you?” Jess asked Nick.

“I don’t think so.” Nick wasn’t sure. “I guess
we’ll find out if I am.”

They heard talking out in the hall. Nick looked at
Jess and motioned his head towards the door for her to see
if she could see who it was. She jumped up off the bed and
walked over to the doorway. It was AJ., Brian, Kevin and
Howie. Jessica stood in the door and told the guard that
they were okay to come into the room. As the guard thanked
her, the boys walked into the room.

“Holy shit, look at all of this stuff!” AJ. said
outloud.

“Hey Nicky, how’s it going?” Howie walked up to
Nick and patted him on the head.

“Hey, you’re looking a lot better than when I left
you the last time, dude.” Brian gave Nick a hug. “It’s
good to see yah sitting up for a change, bet it feels good
too.” Brian winked at Nick.

“Yeah, it feels different.” Nick replied. He was
starting to hurt more and could feel his legs starting to
shake. He was hoping that no one could see it under the
blankets.

AJ and Kevin were touring Nick’s room checking out
all of the stuff that had arrived in his room. It was twice
the stuff that they had ever gotten while they were on
stage. They felt like there were in a gift shop.

“I’ve never seen so many flowers at one time. Boy
Nick, you must be pretty popular with the FTD guy right
now.” Kevin joked.

Nick managed a half-hearted smile. He looked over
at Jess hoping that he could make some type of eye contact
with her to let her know he needed help. She was looking at
beanie babies with Howie.

“Hey buddy, is something wrong?” Brian picked up
on the pain in Nick’s face. He had a knack for reading what
was on people’s minds without having to hear them speak.

“Um, I think I need to lay down.” Nick said
softly.

Everyone in the room turned around and looked at
Nick when he was talking. Jess noticed that his color was
drained from his face and his lips were almost chalky
looking.

“Push the call nurse button. Nick, do you feel
faint?” Jess asked.

“Yeah.” Nick mumbled the words. The room was
starting to get dark and hazy. He had fainted before so he
knew what was coming. He started to feel sick to his
stomach and dizzy.

Brian reached out just as Nick started to fall
forward. He caught him and prevented him from falling out
of the chair and hurting himself. An orderly appeared in
the door just as Nick slumped in the chair.

“Whoa, I guess he wasn’t ready to sit up this
long.” the orderly stated as he brushed past Kevin and AJ.
He walked over to Nick and literally picked him up out of
the chair and placed him into the bed. He put a blood
pressure cuff on Nick’s arm and started the machine to check
his pressure.

The color started coming back into Nick’s face as
he was waking up.

“Nick, are you okay?” Jessica asked him.

Nick opened and closed his eyes slowly. His face
was soaked in sweat. It was taking him a few minutes to
register where he was and what had happened.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just hurt.” Nick replied.

“I’ll have your nurse come in and see you.” the
orderly said as he was leaving the room.

All of the guys in the room kept glancing over at
Nick to see how he was doing. He looked like he had been
running the quarter-mile race and lost. As the nurse walked
into the room the guys moved off to the side to keep out of
the way.

“Hi, Nick, I’m your nurse, Andrea. How are you
feeling?” the nurse was wearing dark purple scrubs and
white tennis shoes.

“Not great.” Nick replied.

“I want you to rate your pain level on a scale of
zero to ten with zero being no pain at all and ten as get me
to the emergency room right now, I can’t stand it.” the
nurse asked Nick softly.

“Nine.” Nick said.

“Where are you hurting?” the nurse asked.

Nick pointed to his stomach and his left side.
The nurse pulled his gown off his left shoulder while she
was telling him that she wanted to check the bandages.

A bandage on his stomach had a small spot of
bright red blood on it.

“I’ll be back with some pain meds and I’ll need to
change that bandage and take a closer look at the incision.”

The nurse left the room and the guys watched her
leave. AJ was the first one to comment about Nick’s nurse.

“Not bad, dude.” AJ said slyly.

Nick didn’t reply back, he attempted to stick his
tongue out at AJ.

“Oooh, that hurt!” AJ teased.

The guys laughed at Nick’s attempt to make a joke.
As the nurse returned to the room, Brian pulled Jess aside
to talk to her.

“How have you been doing?” He looked directly
into her eyes.

“Oh, I’m okay.” Jess replied.

“I’ll bet you haven’t eaten since yesterday when
Kev and me took you out, have you?”

“No, but I’m okay.” Jessica answered. She had
been so preoccupied with Nick that food was the last thing
on her mind. She was entirely devoted to watching Nick
thrive and getting better.

“No, you’re not okay, you need to eat or you’ll be
in a bed beside Nick. Once the nurse is through here, I’m
taking you someplace. I’m sure one of the guys will stay
here so that Nick’s not alone.” Brian insisted.

“No, really, I’m okay. I’ll get something later.”
Jess promised.

“Liar, I know you better than that. I am going to
make sure you eat even if I have to force feed you, do you
understand?” Brian asked her quietly.

Jess resigned herself to the proposition. She had
no other choice and she knew that Brian wouldn’t let it rest
until she did what he wanted her to do.

After the nurse changed Nick’s bandage and gave
him his medication through the IV tube, she left the room.

“Hey, Nick, would it be okay if I took Jess to go
get something to eat, she hasn’t eaten since early yesterday
and I want to make sure she eats.” Brian asked Nick.

Nick looked at Jess. “Oh, god, I didn’t know, I
guess I wasn’t thinking about you---”

“Don’t apologize, I’m fine Nick and you shouldn’t
be worrying about me.” Jessica cut him off.

“I want you to go with Brian, he’ll make sure you
do what you’re supposed to do.” Nick knew that Brian would
take good care of Jess. It upset him to think that she
wasn’t taking care of herself.

“I’ll stay here with Nick,” Kevin offered. “You
guys go ahead and go with them.”

Just as the group was preparing to leave, Nick’s
family came into the room. After they talked with them for
a few minutes, Kevin decided that he would go with the rest
of the group so that Nick’s family could have some time with
him.

 

It was a challenge this time as they left the
hospital grounds. There was no way that these guys could
slip out incognito this time, especially with AJ and his
tattoos walking out the front door. They had all decided on
the elevator to stick together and make a run for Howie’s
car, wherever that was.



“I hope you remember where you left it.” Jessica
joked.


They were doing silly things to each other on the
elevator and Jess still couldn’t help but think of her years
in junior high and high school. These guys acted as if they
still were in school - the actions, the way they talked at
times - it was hard to believe that these guys were
superstars and could have the world at their fingertips.



They literally ran out the front door and to
Howie’s car which was parked halfway into the parking lot.
There was a lot of screaming going on from the front lawn.
Once safely inside the vehicle, Jessica said that sometime
when Nick was ready, she was going to take him to a window
so he could see this crowd that had gathered to keep a vigil
at the hospital.



Howie already knew where Brian wanted to go for
lunch, so there wasn’t any arguments about where they were
heading. Jessica sat in the back seat between Brian and AJ.
They were talking amongst themselves about different things
with the business.



Jessica decided to bring up a question for them,
“What’s going to happen with the tour since Nick is too sick
to go on it?”



Brian patted Jessica’s leg. “It has been
postponed darling, I thought you’d known that, it would be
impossible to tour without Nicky.”


“Nick saw on MTV the other night that you guys
were scheduled to do an interview with them premoting your
new album. You’re still planning on doing the interview,
aren’t you? I mean it would be stupid for you guys to
abandon everything while Nick is sick.”



“I guess we hadn’t thought much about that stuff,
we probably shouldn’t cancel it.” Howie said.



“I wonder if Nick would feel up to being in the
interview?” Brian thought outloud.



“I don’t know about that Brian.” Kevin
interjected. “I mean, he’s still a bit banged up and he’s
not walking yet.”



“Well, if he felt up to doing the interview, we
could have the crew come to the hospital. All I have to do
is call our agent and he can make the arrangements.” Brian
responded.



“You remember that the interview is live. What if
Nick starts to feel faint or sick or something?” Kevin was
always the sensible one in the group and always pointed out
all of the possible things that could go wrong.



“You remember that this interview isn’t until
Monday, that is four whole days away, I’m sure Nick will be
a lot better by then, right Jess?” Brian winked at Jess.



“Oh, yeah, right.” Jessica wasn’t sure if it
would be true or not, she was praying that it would be so.



Howie pulled the vehicle into a restaurant parking
lot. It wasn’t a familiar name to Jess, but the guys all
knew the place. They piled out of the car and walked in to
eat.


A hostess greeted the men as they entered the
door.



“Good afternoon, guys, your usual table is ready
just as you requested.” the petite blonde smiled at the
boys.



“You come here often?” Jess looked around at the
scenery puzzled. “I’ve never heard of this place.”



“I don’t think Nick has ever been here. He
doesn’t go out to too many places with us, the minor that he
is.” AJ replied in a dark voice.


Brian laughed sarcastically, but didn’t smile.


Jess said back in the booth with the guys filling in on
either side of her. She spent the entire dinner listening
to them make comments about the waitresses and other females
that walked past their booth. She felt like she was back in
highschool. It was fun, but she rolled her eyes more than
she laughed.

Nick was scared, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go to physical therapy. There were so many things that he didn’t know how his body would respond, or if it would respond. He couldn’t ignore the therapist that was standing in his room next to his bed with the orderly.

“Are you having second thoughts, Nick?” the therapist named Linda replied cheerfully.

She’s a little too perky for me, Nick thought to himself as he attempted to move to the edge of the bed. He still didn’t have all of the feeling in his legs back yet, they felt numb and tingly so he was still unable to stand up yet and they didn’t move when he wanted them to move. Dr. Gaynor felt that in time, with the physical therapy, his legs would start to regain normal feeling again.

“Now, Nick, I want you to try to get yourself into the chair, I know that the orderlies and the nurses have been helping you up to this point, but I think you’re able to do this on your own.” Linda ordered.

Nick looked at her and put on a fake smile. He hated being so helpless and he just knew that he would fall to the floor, he didn’t trust himself one bit.

“Awh, comeon Nick, I know you can do it, think positively.” Jess was standing off in the corner of the room.

Nick looked over at her and gave her a fake smile too. Jess had to laugh when she looked at him, he looked like he had been in a rough football game. The bruises on his face were fading, but he still had two dark black rings underneath both eyes.

Nick licked his lips and set his jaw as he used his arms to try to lower himself into the chair. He was going very slowly and his arms were starting to shake as they were supporting his weight. Finally, in what seemed like minutes, Nick was in the chair.

“I knew you could do it, great!” Linda exclaimed like a kindergarten teacher. “Now, we’ll take it from here,” she told the orderly. “We’re going to go to the PT room and start you on some upper body strengthening exercises.”

The therapist pushed Nick down the hall to the elevator. Jess walked behind them and noticed that at the end of the hall near the elevators was a small group of girls staring at Nick coming towards them. They stayed where they were at with their mouths open and a few of them oohed and awed quietly as if to pity the way Nick looked. Thankfully, none of them approached Nick. Nick just kept his head lowered and didn’t look up.

The elevator didn’t come quick enough, in Jessica’s and Nick’s opinion. He felt like he was on display waiting for the elevator. They rode it up to the eighth floor and Linda wasted no time pushing him into the physical therapy room.

“Lets see, Nick, I think we should start you off with some arm weights,” she said as she wheeled him over to a wall with pulleys. After showing Nick how she wanted him to do it, she handed the weights over to him.

Nick looked at her questionably as if to say, “Are you kidding?” He was thinking how easy this was going to be. After about three pulls, he realized how weak he was. His face was already soaked in sweat.

“Nick, I need you to try to do at least five on each arm, if you can. Push yourself, the more you do, the better you’ll get, you need to do this, okay?” The therapist tried to encourage Nick to keep going.

Nick nodded and struggled with each pull. Towards the end he was gritting his teeth and biting his lower lip as if that would give him the strength he needed to finish.

“Great! I knew you had it in you!” she praised Nick.

“I feel like a dog getting praised.” Nick remarked to Jess as he rolled his eyes.

Jess winked at Nick and laughed. “Just part of the game, honey.”

The therapist took Nick to another piece of arm strengthening equipment. Each time she gave Nick a new set of exercises to do, Nick started off thinking he was going to be able to do without any problems. Each time he was disappointed.

After therapy was over, Nick couldn’t wait to get back to his room and into his bed. He never thought that he would want to lay down but he couldn’t believe how tired he was from “working out” for thirty minutes.

“I’ll see you again tomorrow, get some rest.” Linda said as she brought Nick back into his room.

“Thanks.” Nick replied quietly.

“Do you want to clean up before you lie down?” Jess suggested.

Nick pondered the question. “It probably would be a good idea, what time is it anyway?”

“Umm, it’s a little after 4:00, why do you have some place you’re going?” Jess tried to joke with Nick.

“Hah-hah.” Nick replied sarcastically. “I was just wondering what time dinner would be, I’m actually looking forward to jello again.”

“Yummy. Well, did you want me to see if the nurse can bring some stuff in for you to get cleaned up with?”

“Please.” Nick said quietly.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” Jess left the room.

Nick sat in the room waiting for her to return and started to think about what had been going on with him this past week. Reality started to set in, something he was trying to avoid up until this point.

“Who am I trying to fool?” Nick asked himself bitterly. “I can’t do anything by myself anymore and I’m just a worthless piece of garbage, just in the way. I can’t walk, I can’t hardly move my arms, why the hell am I trying?” The tears burned his eyes as they started to flow down his cheeks. He kept slamming his fists down on the arms of the chair.

As Jessica entered the room, Nick tried to wipe his eyes quickly. He looked off over towards the window.

“Hey, great news, the nurse said that you can try doing a shower, if you want to try.”

Nick looked at her, “How the hell could I do a shower when I can’t stand up?”

“Whoa, don’t bite my head off, what’s wrong?” Jess looked at Nick and could see his eyes were red.

“I’m sorry, nothing.” Nick lied to her. He didn’t want sympathy from anyone right now.

“The shower is equipped with a seat into the wall, kind of molded in and there is a hand held shower head that you can control. Is is something you want to try or not?”

Nick thought the question over, he was sick of having someone wash him off, the thought of a little independence sounded good to him, but he was wondering if he would be able to pull it off by himself.

“I dunno, how can I do this?” Nick wondered outloud.

Just as Jess was about to answer, Brian came in.

“Oh, thank god, I could use you right now!” Jess announced excited.

“Wow, I like your greeting.” Brian exclaimed as he gave Jess a hug. He looked over at Nick while he was hugging Jess and he pointed at her behind her back. “This is great!”

Nick looked at Brian “Yeah, yeah, knock it off.”

“I need you to help Nick in the shower since you guys have the same stuff and all.” Jess stated.

“Hey, no kidding, a shower?” Brian tried to get Nick to smile.

“Yeah, doesn’t that sound exciting?” Nick answered back sarcastically.

“Hey, you’ve never showered with me before, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.” Brian replied.

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Nick said.

“I think I’m gonna leave you guys for an hour. This is really starting to depress me.” Jess said as she kissed Nick goodbye. “Is there anything you would want me to get while I’m gone, books, magazines, Nintendo?”

“Whatever you think that would sound good, oh, I know, how about pizza?” Nick was dying for pizza.

“I don’t think you could do that yet, it would kill you, you haven’t graduated from jello yet. Take good care of him Brian.” Jess said as she gave Brian a hug and a kiss on the cheek goodbye.

<h1 align="center">Chapter Sixteen</h1>

<br><br>
Jess was standing in the bathroom in Nick’s room when she
heard a noise, ”pop....pop.....pop......pop.” As she turned
to go out into the room to see what was making that noise,
she heard scuffling and a man’s voice yelling, ”I shot him,
I shot him.”<br><br>

Jess hurried out into the room to find a man on
the floor with the security guard pinning him down and
trying to put handcuffs on him. Brian was off to one side
of the room, his face was pale, he looked shocked. When
Jess turned her focus over to Nick’s bed, her heart nearly
stopped.<br><br>

Nick had his hand clutching his chest, blood was
pouring out between his fingers. He looked over at Jess his
eyes were wide with fear and pain. As she ran over towards
him, he collapsed. She reached up above his bed and pulled
the code blue switch. A team of nurses and resident
physicians poured into the room. They didn’t waste anytime
putting Nick’s bed flat and starting CPR.<br><br>

Jess backed away from Nick’s bed and stood with
Brian. They held one another while they watched the medical
team work frantically on Nick. A nurse came over to Jess
and Brian and asked them to come with her out into the hall.
Jess didn’t want to leave.<br><br>
“It would be better for you to wait out in the
hall. You don’t need to see this.” The dark eyed nurse
looked at Jess sadly.<br><br>

She walked with Jess and Brian and went into the
hall. As they stood there, people were rushing in and out
of the room. It seemed to Jess that they were working on
Nick for hours when it actually was only minutes. Finally,
a doctor appeared in the doorway and walked over towards
Jessica and Brian.<br><br>

“I’m sorry, we did everything we could for him,
but we lost him. He took too many gunshots to the chest.”
The doctors words didn’t make sense to Jess.<br><br>
“No, no, no....” Jessica started to scream.
Brian held her tight. She wanted to run back into the room
and find Nick sitting in his bed playing Nintendo. After a
few minutes, Jess asked the nurse if it would be possible
for her to go and see Nick.<br><br>

The nurse led Brian and Jess back into the room.
She quietly told the people that remained in the room to
give them some time with him to themselves.<br><br>
Jessica walked up to the bed and looked down at
Nick’s face. He looked as if he was sleeping. She touched
the side of his cheek and noticed that his skin was starting
to get cold. Brushing the hair from his forehead, she bent
over and kissed his cheek. Blood had soaked the sheets and
had spilled onto the floor.<br><br>

Jess cried when she thought about how Nick was
trying so hard to get better. “This isn’t fair, how could
this have happened?” Jess stammered through her tears.<br><br>

Brian didn’t speak, he just held her tight. Tears
were streaming down his face as he sobbed. <br><br>

“Hey, goofball, wake up.” Jess was puzzled, why
would Nick talk to her like that. He was still laying still
in the bed. “I said are you gonna stay asleep all day?”<br><br>

Jessica jumped. She opened her eyes and realized
that she was sitting in a chair in a lobby near the
elevators. Howie was standing over her.<br><br>

“Ohmygod, Howie, you scared me.” Jess still
wasn’t sure if this was a dream she had had or not.<br><rb>
Howie laughed at Jessica’s reaction to him. He
hadn’t been back to see Nick in a few days mainly because it
was difficult for them to come to the hospital without being
recognized and mobbed.<br><br>

“Shall we go in and see how Nick is doing?” Howie
asked Jess as he held his hand out to pull her up from the
chair.<br><br>

The MTV live interview was going to air tonight
and one by one, the boys had come to the hospital to prepare
for this. While Brian was helping Nick get cleaned up, Jess
had decided to escape and took a quick nap. That was why
Howie had found her asleep in the lobby.<br><br>

When they walked into Nick’s room, they found Nick
sitting in his wheelchair dressed in jeans and a Miami
Dolphins football jersey and white tennis shoes. Jess was
happy to see Nick out of a hospital gown.<br><br>

“Boy, you look good Nick. You clean up well.”
Jess teased as she kissed him on the cheek. <br><br>

“Thanks.” Nick smiled. He was glad to wear
something normal for a change. He was getting stronger with
the physical therapy so getting in and out of the wheelchair
was no longer a challenge for him. The dressing required a
little help and he was glad Brian was there for him.<br><br>

“The crews have come already and are starting to
set up in the conference room on the first floor.” Howie
said. “Hey, Nick, when Kev and AJ come, do you feel up to
practicing a song for the interview?” Howie was hoping that
Nick would feel up to it. He knew that MTV would want them
to possibly sing a song during the interview.<br><br>

“Yeah, I guess so.” Nick was excited about the
interview, but he didn’t know how his voice would be. He
was afraid that it had been affected when he had the tubes
in his throat. He had not tried to sing.<br><br>

Kevin and AJ entered the room. AJ looked like he
had been running.<br><br>
“Man, it’s getting worse out there, I can’t
believe it. That crowd can be scary.” AJ stated as he
slumped into a chair. “Holy shit, Nick, did you get more
stuff again?” AJ said as he looked around the room.<br><br>

“Yup, I am loved.” Nick simply replied.<br><br>

“What song do you think we should do for the
interview?” Howie asked.<br><br>

Everyone seemed to look at Nick when the question
was posed. They didn’t know if Nick would be ready to sing.<br><br>

“Let’s try “I want it that way.” Nick replied.
He figured this was the best time to try as any.<br><br>

The guys pulled chairs around by Nick and they did
a silent count to start. When the song came around to
Nick’s portion, his voice was shaky. Embarrassed, Nick
cleared his throat and asked if they could try again from
the top.<br><br>

“I guess I’m outta practice.” Nick apologized.<br><br>

“Hey buddy, don’t worry, it takes time.” Brian
stuck up for Nick. “We’ve got plenty of time to practice,
nobody says we have to sing anyway, if you’re not ready,
don’t worry about it.”<br><br>

“Thanks Bri.” Nick was trying to feel comfortable
about the lack of response from his body. He wasn’t used to
not being able to sing when he wanted to sing. He was
mentally going over the lists of songs that they sing
thinking if there were one that wouldn’t be too noticeable
if he didn’t participate. All of the songs they did he
either had a major part in it or a major vocal.<br><br>

After they practiced the song for an hour, they
decided that Nick was doing the best that he could. They
tried to encourage him to sing tonight and reassured him
that his voice sounded great. They noticed a little
weakness in it, but were sure that it would be nothing the
fans would notice.<br><br>
They watched TV while they waited for the time to
arrive for them to go down to the conference room. MTV ran
the music video of “I want it that way.” The guys sang
their parts along with the video except for Nick. He was
watching himself intently wondering if he would be able to
walk across a room again, or even dance. He was starting to
feel let down.<br><br>

Jess put her arm around Nick and kissed him.
“You’re gonna be okay.” She knew that he was starting to
feel uncomfortable.<br><br>

There was a knock on the door. Jessica got up and
opened it up and stuck her face out. She was the one that
always answered the door since her face was the one that
would be unfamiliar to fans.<br><br>

“Guys, they want you downstairs now to set up.”
Jess said as she closed the door.<br><br>

Kevin pushed Nick and the rest of the group walked
around him like they were protecting him. Nick had asked
earlier if Jess could put something on his face to conceal
the bruised eyes and face but both Jess and the guys agreed
that it would make things look too noticeable. People were
going to be looking at him closely and if he were to have
something on like that, they would think he was in worse
shape than he truly was.<br><br>
As Nick entered the conference room, he saw the
table set up with five chairs. Off to the left, there were
five microphones in front of five bar stools. Nick looked
up at Jess.<br><br>

“I could see sitting in a chair at the conference
table, but I don’t think I can sit by myself in a bar stool
and not fall over.” Nick whispered.<br><br>

“I’ll talk to Kevin and see if he can change that
arrangement.” Jess whispered back. <br><br>

Just as they were getting towards the table, they
were greeting by a tall red headed woman with a deep voice.<br><br>

“Hi, I’m Anne from MTV, we put cards on the table
so you know where we want you to sit. If you have any
questions or need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
She talked fast as if she didn’t want to be bothered with
any questions.<br><br>

“Um, I think we need to change the bar stool
thing.” Kevin stated. “Could you put chairs in there
instead?” <br><br>

Jessica hadn’t had the chance to talk to Kevin
about Nick’s concerns, he had brought this up himself. She
smiled when she thought about how these guys really did look
out for one another like a family.<br><br>

“Why, what’s wrong with the stools? You guys
always use stools.” Anne seemed puzzled. She didn’t look
as if she would compensate Kevin’s request.<br><br>

“It wouldn’t be too comfortable for Nick to sit
like that without back support.” Kevin partially lied to
her. True, he needed back support, but the main part was he
would have to be lifted up to the chair to even sit there in
the first place.<br><br>

“Oh, well, I guess we could put folding chairs
there or something.” Anne replied.<br><br>
“Thanks, that would be great.” Kevin smiled at
Anne.<br><br>

Brian had taken Nick up to the conference table
and pulled the chairs around his aside. They had Nick
sitting in the center of the table with Brian on his right
and AJ on his left. Nick didn’t hesitate to move his body
from the wheelchair to his seat. He was getting better with
his upper body strength and was able to move himself around
with more ease.<br><br>

Jessica found a chair by the cameras out of the
way. She always enjoyed watching these guys do an
interview. It was fun being behind the scenes and seeing
the things that go on during commercial breaks.<br><br>

Carson Daly from MTV entered the conference room
and Jess knew by the look on Nick’s face that he must have
seen her mouth drop open. She always thought that Carson
was hot and Nick always seemed to be annoyed when she would
say anything about Carson being so damn hot. She smiled
weakly at Nick and winked and mouthed I love you. Nick
smiled back.<br><br>

Jess watched the guys tense up as they counted the
seconds down to the live airing. Each of them had funny
little quirks before they performed and Jess knew every one
of them.<br><br>
“Hi, Carson Daly here for a live special interview
with The Backstreet Boys on their Millennium tour. We are
live at Tampa Bay Hospital in Florida where Nick Carter has
been recovering following a car accident that happened a
week ago last Saturday. Hi guys.”<br><br>

“Hi Carson.” They responded in unison.<br><br>

Jess could tell that Nick was nervous. He was
usually tense during interviews but tonight he was
especially tense because he knew there would be a lot of
attention focused on him.<br><br>

“Alright, I know the first thoughts on the fans
minds is how is Nick Carter? Nick?” Carson directed the
question to Nick.<br><br>

Nick smiled faintly, “Pretty good, I guess.”<br><br>

Brian could tell that Nick felt funny talking
about himself. He made a side comment to Nick and poked him
in the side.<br><br>
“Nick, what were the extent of your injuries?”
Carson asked.<br><br>

Nick kind of rolled his eyes and really didn’t
want to go through the list. Brian took over for Nick.<br><br>

“He was banged up pretty good, but he is doing
better now.” Brian replied. He figured less was more and
it was no one’s business what was going on with Nick.<br><br>

“Which one of you would you guys say has been the
driving force that has kept Nick upbeat and positive?”
Carson asked.<br><br>

“Jess.” The guys responded in unison.<br><br>

“No doubt about it, it’s Jess.” Brian replied.<br><br>

“Who’s Jess?” Carson asked.<br><br>

“Nicky’s girlfriend.” The guys replied in a
teasing voice. They all looked over at her and jeered.<br><br>

Jess felt like she wanted to crawl under a chair
and die from embarrassment.<br><br>
“She’s here?” Carson asked.<br><br>

“Yeah, over there.” Brian said as all of them
pointed in the direction where Jess was sitting.<br><br>

The camera panned over to where she was and the
red light went on meaning that she was on live TV.<br><br>

“Hi Jess.” The guys laughed and waved at her when
they said her name.<br><br>

“Hi guys.” Jess smiled back at them and waved
back. She gave them a funny look as if to tell them that
she would be getting back with them later.<br><br>

“Ooh, she does not like to be in the spotlight, eh
Nick?” Carson smiled at Nick.<br><br>

“No, not really, she’s kinda shy that way.” Nick
answered and winked at Jessica.<br><br>

“Okay, your new album Millennium debuted over six
weeks ago and have three singles that have reached the top
ten from this album. When do you start your European Tour
and where?” Carson asked the group, not directing his
question to any specific person.<br><br>

“Well, um, that’s been postphoned right now
indefinately.” Brian spoke up. “We were to start touring
the first of July in Amsterdam, but Nick would not be able
to tour right now, so we’ll have to wait until he gets
better.”<br><br>
Nick kept his head down looking at the table while
Brian talked. He felt bad that he was keeping his friends
from doing what they wanted to do.<br><br>

“The tour would be too much of strain on Nick?”
Carson asked.<br><br>

Nick really felt funny now, here they were talking
about him as if he weren’t in the room. He sat still in the
chair. He knew that the camera was on him.<br><br>

“Well, the accident was only a little over a week
ago and we’re lucky that Nick is here with us right now.”
Brian spoke out in Nick’s defense. “By the grace of God, he
will be stronger and be able to resume our schedule soon.”<br><br>

Jess felt her heart fall when she looked at Nick.
She knew how embarrassed he was that they were talking about
him as if he weren’t in the room. She wanted to run up to
him and hold him.<br><br>
After a few minutes of talking about the group and
some of the songs on the album, Carson told the viewers that
the Backstreet Boys would sing a song from the Millenium cd
when they returned.<br><br>

They had approximately four minutes to have Nick
go over to the chairs that were set up for their song. The
guys cleared the way and Anne from MTV brought Nick’s
wheelchair over to him. Nick quickly moved himself into the
wheelchair. Jess thought she saw a flash of light while he
was moving into the chair. At first she thought it was a
camera flash, but then she dismissed it thinking that the
crew would be more professional than that.<br><br>

Everyone got into their seat in front of the
microphone. They had less than thirty seconds before they
were back on the air. Nick was getting more nervous
thinking about singing. He hoped that his voice would be
more stronger, he prayed that his voice would be clear.<br><br>

“Welcome back, I’m here in Tampa Bay, Florida,
with the Backstreet Boys. They are going to sing I Want it
That Way from the Millennium cd. Here’s the Backstreet
Boys.”<br><br>

Carson stepped out of the way and the background
cd was cued up for them to start. Brian started his part
flawlessly. When Nick’s part came up, he hesitated, but it
wasn’t enough for anyone to notice besides the group.<br><br>

Nick looked over where Jess was and decided to
sing to Jess instead of the camera, it made him feel more
comfortable. He didn’t try to sing anything fancy
especially the parts he was usually pumped up for while he
sang. It was simple, almost like he was in church. The
guys sang a little louder to cover for Nick’s voice being so
shakey. Nick felt like he was getting winded singing a
three minute song. He was suprised how much it took out of
him.<br><br>

Carson took calls from fans, most of them told
Nick how sorry they were about his accident and that they
were praying for him. One girl asked Nick if he was still
hurt and one had the nerve to ask if there would be any
lasting effects from the accident.<br><br>

The show was getting ready to end and Carson asked
the group while they were having a commercial break if they
would sing another song. <br><br>

“Nick, are you feeling up to it?” Brian asked.
All of the songs the group sang involved Nick in one way or
another.<br><br>

“I dunno, I guess I could try.” Nick wasn’t too
sure of himself. He knew the last song was a real struggle
for him to get through. “I guess we could do Larger Than
Life.”<br><br>
“Are you sure? That is a heavy song.” Kevin
asked.<br><br>

“No, I think I can get through it. You’ll carry
me if I can’t sing my part, won’t you?” Nick asked the guys
quietly.<br><br>
“Sure we would.” All of the guys agreed.<br><br>

The cameras went on and Carson walked over to
Nick. “I want to thank you for allowing us to come here and
do this live interview. I know that the fans appreciate
being able to see that you are okay. Good luck and keep in
touch.”<br><br>

“Thanks.” Nick and the guys thanked Carson.<br><br>
“As we close, we’ll hear another cut from their
new album, Millenium. Here’s the Backstreet Boys singing
“Larger Than Life.”<br><br>

The cd was cued up again and Nick started his part
out flawlessly. Towards the end of the song, it was
becoming more difficult for him to sing his parts and the
guys knew and carried him. With the song being so new fans
wouldn’t really know which parts were Nick anyway.<br><br>
<br><br><center>

Jess had left the hospital to take a break and get a few
things for herself and for Nick. As she was standing in the
checkout lane at the store, her eyes scanned the magazines.
She stopped abruptly when she saw The National Enquirer.
Pasted on the front cover, actually it was the front cover,
was a picture of Nick as he was lowering himself into the
wheelchair. Under the picture was the captioning: Nick
Carter, Backstreet Boys, will they be able to handle it
without him?



Jess grabbed the magazine and decided to buy the
copy. She was angry when she looked at that picture and was
trying to figure out when it was taken. As she looked
closer at the picture, she saw that Nick was wearing his
Miami Dolphins jersey and realized that this was when they
did the MTV interview. Someone had taken that picture
during a commercial break. The media was allowed in that
room but someone took the privledge one step further and
intruded on his privacy.



As the cashier was scanning the magazine, she made
an idle comment to Jessica, “Isn’t that a shame about that
boy?”


Jess simply smiled at the cashier. She didn’t
feel the need to respond. She paid her and left the store.
When Jess got into her car, she pulled the magazine out of
the bag and thumbed through it until she got to the article
about Nick. While she read it, she was shocked to find all
of the lies that were laced through it:



Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys was critically
injured in a car accident early in June. The other driver
was killed when he ran a stop light and struck Carter. Nick
was rushed to the hospital and was in a coma for more than a
week. Once he awoke from his coma, doctors determined that
he had irreversible brain damage. His career with the
Backstreet Boys has been shattered since the accident has
left Nick paralyzed from the chest down.



Jess felt sickened reading the article. It had so
many lies in it. There were pictures of Nick in the article
of him laying in the hospital bed with the tubes in his
mouth, “How did they get that?” Jess wondered. It bothered
her to think that people at the hospital would do anything
for the glory of money. They had pictures of Nick with the
group and more pictures of Nick at the interview and it
looked like they enhanced the bruises on his eyes. “I hope
Nick doesn’t see this.” Jess thought to herself.



She decided to drive over to Brian’s and see what
he was up to. It felt good to be away from the hospital for
a while. Nick insisted that she go out and take a break
while he went to physical therapy. It looked like such a
nice day outside, it didn’t take much to convince her to do
so.



Back at the hospital, Nick was finished with his
physical therapy for the day. It was an especially
difficult session for Nick. The occupational therapist was
teaching him how to do normal day to day tasks in a hospital
room that was set up like a house. The one task he had to
try to do that hit him hard was practice getting himself in
and out of a car. They had a “car” on the therapy floor and
Nick had to practice moving himself from the chair to a car
seat and then back again. It upset him to think that he
would have to learn how to do something like that. He was
planning on walking out of the hospital.



“Oh, by the way, Nick, you will be getting your
chair delivered to your room today, maybe it will be here by
the time we get back.” The therapist sounded a little too
happy about the chair.



Nick tried to figure out what she was talking
about. He didn’t order anything special, he decided to just
blow off what she was talking about, he figured that she was
just rambling on about nothing.



“Ah, here we are, room 6265.” The female orderly
said as they walked past the security guard. “My, you sure
do have a lot of nice flowers. I don’t think I’ve ever seen
this many in a room at one time.”



“Yup.” Nick didn’t feel like being sociable.



“Are you okay here or did you want help back
into----”


“I’m fine.” Nick cut her off. He was getting
irritated about being helped to do this and that.



“Okay, have a nice day.” As she turned her back
to Nick, he wagged his hand back and forth as if to help her
out the door. He sat in the chair for a moment and looked
around the room. His eyes fell on the unfamiliar sight of
the new chair the therapist had talked about. It was a
modified wheelchair, it didn’t have armrests so it was more
accessible to use your arms to move the wheels.



“Well, isn’t that just special.” Nick sputtered.
He decided to lay down. He started to let his mind wander.



Well, um that’s been postphoned right now
indefinately. We were to start touring the first of July in
Amsterdam, but Nick would not be able to tour right now, so
we’ll have to wait until he gets better.......The tour would
be too much of a strain on Nick?..........Oh, by the way
Nick, you’ll be getting your new chair today.......This is
the way you need to scooch yourself to get from the chair
into the car....


The tears were flowing down his cheeks and
stinging his eyes. “I am holding my friends back, what am I
thinking? I’m never going to get better. I’m never going
to dance or sing again. I’m nothing.”


Nick turned the television on hoping that it would
clear his thoughts. The newsprogram American Journal was on
and ironically, it was showing The Backstreet Boys on stage.
Nick turned the volume up:



The Backstreet Boys have been riding high on the
charts and have recently released their new album,
Millenium. Tragically, on June 19, Nick Carter was involved
in a car accident that claimed the life of another driver.
Nick has been hospitalized since the accident, but yesterday
was with the group when they were interviewed by MTV.


As the woman was talking, they were showing
pictures of the group, the accident scene and the MTV
interview with Nick and the guys. The next picture they
showed stunned Nick while he listened to the announcer:



No one is sure when or if Carter will ever be able
to tour with the group again. The accident has left him
paralyzed and unable to use his legs.


The picture that was on the screen was Nick during
a break on the MTV interview moving from the wheelchair and
into the chairs they had set up for the song.



His voice shaking while he sang with the group,
Carter was visibly nervous. We will keep you updated when
we find out more about this Backstreet Boy.



Nick shut the television off. He pressed his
nurse call button and waited for her to come into the room.



“Can I help you?” It was Tiffany, his afternoon
nurse.



“Can I get something for pain?” Nick asked.



“How bad is it?” The nurse asked as she
approached his bedside.


“I want a shot, no pills, I waited too long to ask
for something and now it hurts bad.” Nick lied to her. He
wasn’t hurting that badly, he just wanted the shot.



“Okay, I’ll check your chart and be back in a
second.” She left the room.



Nick reached over to his bedstand and grabbed his
glass of icewater. Slowly he opened the drawer to the table
and pulled out a tissue that was wadded up into a ball. He
unwrapped the tissue and exposed a handful of twelve pain
pills he had stashed aside. Without hesitation, he put them
in his mouth and swallowed them with a mouthful of water.
Just as he set the cup down, Tiffany came back into the room
with a syringe.



“You haven’t had an injection in a few days, this
may make you a little sleepy.” Tiffany said as she inserted
the needle into Nick’s thigh.



“That’s what I’m hoping for.” Nick smiled at her.
Tiffany, unknowing what he had done smiled back at him.


Home

Chapter Eighteen



Dr. Gaynor was making rounds late today. He usually had
been finished in the morning, but there had been a bus
accident last night that had kept him busy in the trauma
room. As he approached Nick’s room, he was stopped by a
fellow doctor that needed his advice regarding another case
he was working on. Dr. Gaynor glanced at Nick’s chart and
felt that he didn’t really need to go in and see him so he
handed the chart back to the nurse when they walked by the
station.



“Good, the orderlies are here for shift change and
doing vitals, I’m taking a break.” Tiffany sighed. It had
been a busy afternoon and she had been on her feet for most
of her shift. “Janis, could you do the vitals in room 625?”
Tiffany asked the older orderly because she knew she
wouldn’t know Nick Carter’s celebrity.



“Sure,” the orderly replied when she grabbed
Nick’s chart.



As Tiffany settled back into her chair in the
nurse’s lounge another nurse burst through the door.


“Tiff, you need to come and help NOW.”



Tiffany jumped up quickly, she could tell by the
urgency in the nurses voice that it was serious.



“It’s your patient in 625, he’s overdosed.”



“Overdosed, that’s impossible.” Tiffany’s mind
went over what she did with Nick that afternoon. There
wasn’t anything she did that would do that. Then she
remembered the injection she gave him earlier. Her mind was
running through what she had done, could she had given him
too much? Did she forget to chart it and someone else gave
him more?



They rushed into Nick’s room. He was pale and his
lips were blue. A resident was ontop of him doing CPR. He
was barking out orders while he was keeping count. A crash
cart came in and the resident jumped off the bed and put the
paddles to Nick’s chest. His body arched in response to the
jolt that was sent through him.



Everyone in the room looked at the monitor, it
jumped, hesitated and drew a flat line. The resident hit
Nick with the paddles again. Once again, Nick’s body arched
with the surge that went through him. This time, the
monitor responded with the familiar beating rhythm.



Dr. Gaynor rushed into the room. “How the hell
did this happen?” He was angry and everyone backed off. He
took Nick’s chart and looked at the nurses notes.



“Has the blood draw come back yet?” He yelled.



A nurse came through the door with a yellow slip
in her hand. “Here it is doctor, just came in.”



Dr. Gaynor reviewed the results. The drug level
in Nick’s bloodstream jumped out of the paper. The levels
were almost skyrocketed.



“How the hell did he get this combination of
drugs?” Dr. Gaynor demanded.



“I gave him 25ml injection of darvodan when he
asked for some pain meds this afternoon.” Tiffany answered.


“Where the hell did he get the percocet?” Dr.
Gaynor shouted.



No one answered. No one was sure, did Nick try to
kill himself or was this accidental.



“You better hope to hell he comes through this,
I’m sure with a high profile case on our hands, the media
will be having a hellofa time with this one. Dr. Gaynor
knew the next step that had to be taken. Anytime there is a
suicide attempt, the authorities have to be notified.



“Goddamn you people.” Dr. Gaynor stormed out of
the room.



The technicians prepared to move Nick back to ICU.
They would keep this room open for him when he got well
enough to go back up here.



“Brian, I really want to thank you for helping me
out these past few days like you have. I can’t begin to
tell you how much it has meant to me.” Jessica said as they
pulled into the hospital parking lot.



“Jess, you know I wouldn’t be anywhere but here
for you and Nick.” Brian gave Jess a squeeze. They sat in
the parking space for a few minutes.


Looking out at the front lawn, Brian saw the huge
mass of fans.



“Let’s be wild and walk through the middle of
them, do you think that would kill ‘em?” Brian asked Jess
wickedly.



“I’m game if you are, dude.” Jess smiled.



“Let’s do it.” Brian was ready for a challenge.


As they got out of the car, Brian had put on his
Kentucky Wildcats baseball cap and sunglasses. Jess put on
her own Wildcats hat and sunglasses also. Brian suggested
that they go around to the back of the crowd instead of the
front. She giggled as they went to the back of the fans.
So far, no one noticed them standing there.


“Have you seen anyone yet?” Jess asked a girl
standing next to her.


“Nope, it’s been pretty dull. I was hoping that
Nick would at least look out a window or something.”



“How do you know what side of the hospital he’s
on?” Jess wondered.



“He’s in room 62625 which means he’s on this side
of the building and the second last window to the north.”
The girl had the hospital mapped out.



Jess glanced at Brian when the girl knew which
room Nick was in.



“Have you tried to get in?” Jess asked.


“Oh, god no, they have guards everywhere, the only
one they let in is that girl that we have seen with the rest
of the Backstreet Boys. She sure is one lucky girl.”



“Oh, who do you think she is?” Jess was curious
to see what the girl would say.



“I’ve heard that she is either a sister of one of
the guys or possibly a girlfriend of Nick’s. I really don’t
think she’s a girlfriend though, I heard that he is freed up
at the moment.”



Brian laughed, he couldn’t resist. It seemed that
as soon as he laughed, someone in the crowd recognized him.



“Ohmygod, are you Brian Littrell?” a girl
standing next to Brian asked.



Brian gave Jess the look to leave. She grabbed
his arm and held on tight. They made their way through the
crowd grabbing at him. Jess had someone pull her hair at
one point. Brian didn’t slow his pace down, he was afraid
to stop. The crowd was moving them along the way.



They made it into the hospital and onto an
elevator. As Brian pressed the number six button, Jess
laughed at him. “That had to be one of your dumbest ideas
yet. I can’t wait to tell Nick just to see the look on his
face.”



Brian smiled as if he was pleased with himself.
He enjoyed doing some of the regular things that his fame
has limited him in doing so.



They got off the elevator and walked down the hall
towards Nick’s room. Brian and Jess both slowed their steps
when they saw that there wasn’t a guard standing outside of
his room. They glanced at each other both thinking that
maybe Nick was in therapy again or having a test or
something and that was why the guard was not at his post.



As they walked into his room, they did not see
anything unusual to indicate that Nick was not there. Jess
asked Brian if she should check at the nurses station to see
where Nick was. Brian told her to wait a few minutes and
see if he comes back. After about ten minutes had passed,
Brian said he would go and check what was keeping Nick.


Brian came back into the room, his face ashen.


“Jess, come with me.”



“What’s wrong?” Jess was scared by the way Brian
was acting.



Brian didn’t say anything to her until they got on
the elevator and he pressed number four. He turned to
Jessica to tell her.



“Nick tried to kill himself this afternoon.”
Brian’s voice was thick with emotion.



“What! No, not Nick. Why would he do such a
thing, how could he do such a thing?” Jess asked.



“I dunno, we’ll have to wait to talk with the
doctor or nurse where he’s at.” Brian replied.



They got off the elevator and stopped at the
nurses station in ICU.



“Nick Carter’s room.” Brian asked the nurse.



The nurse looked at them suspiciously. Jessica
still had her green badge around her neck for visitation
clearance. She lifted it up for the nurse to see.


“He’s in room 4014, down this hall.”



“Thank you.” Brian smiled at the nurse as they
turned to go to the room.



When they entered the room, they found Nick again
surrounded by IV lines, machines and devices. He was
unconscious.



“What happened?” Jess asked the nurse in the
room. “How did he do this, how is he?”



“He tried to commit suicide by taking an overdose
of percocet.” The nurse did not elaborate any more than she
had to.


“How did he get the percocet?” Jess demanded.



“As best as we can tell, he didn’t take it when
they would give it to him, he would stash it. We estimate
that he had taken approximately fourteen tablets. He also
requested an injection of pain medication and had that given
to him around the same time he had taken the pills. If the
orderly had not come into his room to take his vitals, he
would not have been around too much longer.”



“Will he be okay?” Jess was afraid to ask.



“Time will tell.” The nurse did not give them
anything to go on with his condition. “You’ll have to wait
to talk to his doctor.”



Jess went over to the bed and put her hand on
Nick’s. His skin was cold and clammy, his face was pale and
his lips were blue. “Thank god he isn’t on a respirator
again Brian.”


Brian nodded. He was silently praying for his
friend.



Dr. Gaynor entered the room and greeted Brian with
a handshake. “Nick is a pretty lucky man to be alive right
now. It was fortunate that the orderly went into his room
when she did, if it were even ten minutes more, he would be
gone.”



“He’s going to be okay, isn’t he?” Jess asked
with a shakey voice.



“I have to wait until he wakes up, I don’t know
how long his heart had stopped.” Dr. Gaynor replied.



“His heart stopped?” Jessica asked in shock. She
looked down at Nick. “Is that why his lips are so blue and
he’s so cold?”


“His lips are probably discolored because of the
heart stopping but also because of the toxins in his body.
As you can see all of the IV’s that are being pushed into
his system, we are trying to flush the remainder out of his
system. Like I said, we will know more about Nick when Nick
wakes up.” Dr. Gaynor told Jess as he patted her shoulder.



After several hours with Brian sitting with her as
they kept vigil waiting for Nick to wake up, Jess started
feeling angry towards Nick.



“You know what bugs me the most?” Jessica started
out. “I have put my life on hold because of this stupid
accident, been here and practically lived here and what does
Nick do? He tries to take a cowards way out because he
doesn’t want to face reality. It would take a lot of time
and effort on his part and he didn’t want to cope with it.
Everything Nick has done in his life came easy for him up to
now. He can’t handle any challenges. I’m sick of this
whole damn thing.” Jess stood up as if to leave.



Brian sat listening to Jessica spout off. He knew
she was getting stressed by the situation and was hurt that
Nick didn’t talk to anyone about how he was feeling.



“You know Brian, he was feeling sorry for himself
a couple of days ago before the interview. He never said
anything to me but I could see it in his eyes, his face.
It’s my fault that I didn’t do something back then.”



“Okay, hold it, now you’re getting stupid. Listen
to yourself, no one knows what’s going on in Nick’s head but
Nick. After he wakes up, I’m sure there will be a few
people that will be helping Nick deal with whatever problems
he is having. Don’t beat yourself up on this.” Brian
replied.



Nick moaned quietly. Brian and Jess looked over
at the bed. His eyes fluttered open and then he looked
around the room and at the IV’s hanging from the pole. Nick
didn’t say anything he closed his eyes again.



“Nick?” Jess wanted to see if he was alert and
awake.



“What?” Nick answered quietly.


“What the hell is going on? What were you
thinking about? Don’t you realize how much you’ve hurt me
and the other people that love you?” Jessica was firing the
questions off to Nick. Brian grabbed her arm to quiet her.



“Just leave me alone.” Nick responded.



“No, I won’t leave you alone. I want you to think
about what you did. Damnit Nick, you hurt me.” Jess could
feel the tears burning her eyes.



“Get the fuck out of here.” Nick yelled at her.
He looked at Brian, “You too, I don’t need anyone in here.”



“Fine, be by yourself, that’s what you want.” Jess
angrily took off her hospital ID badge and threw it at Nick.
“I won’t be needing this anymore either.” She stormed out
the door.


Brian got up and looked at his friend laying in
the bed.



“What the hell are you looking at? I told you to
leave.” Nick muttered.



Brian knew all of Nick’s moods, but this was a new
one to him. Nick was rarely a yeller and treated people
with respect, he had never seen his friend act so mean and
irrational.



“You got a lot of thinking to do, boy, you just
ruined something good.” Brian said as he turned and left.
As he was walking out the door Nick started yelling.



“I don’t need anything from anyone. I will be
fine, do you hear me?”



Brian found Jessica sitting on the floor against
the wall outside of the room. She was crying so hard her
body was shaking.


“What is happening to him, to us?” Jess looked up
at Brian.



Brian sat down on the floor beside her. “I don’t
know what to say Jess. I think he realized what he had done
and failed and was now embarrassed to think that he couldn’t
even do that right. I think he knows he hurt people, but he
is afraid to reach out. We will have to pray for him to get
the strength and grace from God that he needs.”



As they sat in the hallway, a nurse walked past
them and into Nick’s room. They were both wondering how
Nick would treat her. When the nurse walked out of the room
after a few minutes they stopped her and asked her.



“I’m sorry, I don’t discuss patients with people
other than family,” the nurse replied as she walked away.


“She must of thought we were fans or something.”
Brian stated. “I’m suprized she don’t call security to have
us removed.



“Don’t look now then.” Jess told Brian as she saw
a tall man in a police uniform approach them.



“You are going to have to move.” the officer said
to Brian and Jess.



“It’s okay, we can be here.” Jess told the man.



“How do you figure that?” The officer questioned.


“We’re on the list to enter his room.” Brian
stated.



“Well then, you are either going to have to enter
the room or go to the lobby, let me see your
identification.” The officer demanded.



Jess was going to show the officer the green badge
around her neck but as she was reaching for it remembered
that she threw it at Nick. She also did not have her
driver’s license on her as it was in her purse which was
still in Nick’s room.



“Um, I’m on the list, but my ID is in Nick’s room
in my purse.” Jess said to the officer.



“Yeah, sure.” The officer didn’t believe her.


Brian gave the officer his driver’s license. The
man looked over his identification and then checked the
list.



“Is this true what this girl is saying?” The
officer asked Brian as he handed the license back to him.



Brian had a mischevious smile play across his
face.



“Brian, tell him.” Jess pleaded, she knew what he
was thinking.


“Yes she is cleared to be in there.” Brian
replied.


“Okay, but you either need to go back into the
room or go to the lobby, we can’t have people sitting in the
hall.” The officer turned away.



“Brian, do you think it would be okay for you to
go and get my purse out of the room?” Jess asked.



“Are you scared of Nick? I don’t think he can
hurt you.” Brian asked.



“Physically, no, but mentally yes. I don’t want
to get him riled up again.” Jess said.



“Oh, just go back in and get your purse, you don’t
need to say anything to him, I’m sure he’s sleeping again
anyway.” Brian replied.



“Will you go in with me?” Jess asked.



“Will you quit being such a wuss and go and get
your purse? I’ll be out here if you need me.” Brian winked
at Jess. “It will be okay, trust me.”



Jessica swallowed hard as she pushed the door
open. She slid through the opening quietly and walked
softly over to the chair where she left her purse sitting.
She glanced over at Nick out of the corner of her eye and
noticed that the top of his hand was bloody. There was
blood on the sheets as well. Nick had ripped his IV lines
out of his hand!



“Nickolas Gene Carter, what the hell are you
doing?” Jessica was so mad at him for avoiding all of the
help people were trying to give him.


Nick jerked when she yelled. He turned and looked
at her. The look on his face scared her. She had never
seen him look at her and then through her at the same time.



“I thought I told you to get the hell out of here.
Leave me alone! I don’t need anyone, anywhere. Just leave
me alone and let me die.” Nick yelled at the top of his
lungs. It was enough to bring Brian into the room and the
security guard as well.



Brian saw the blood and left the room to get the
nurse.



“Go, see Brian is smart enough to take the hint,
LEAVE!!” Nick yelled at Jessica again.



“I was just getting my purse, I’m going.” Jess
snapped back, hurt.


The nurse appeared in the room with a syringe.
Nick looked at her and started yelling, “You’re not touching
me with that thing, get away from me.” He tried to push the
nurse away.



The nurse left the room for a moment but then
reappeared with three men in hospital scrubs. Jess wasn’t
sure if they were doctors, orderlies or what. The men held
Nick down as she administered the shot in the first
available arm or leg she could get at. Within thirty
seconds, Nick’s body started to relax and then went limp.



“Thanks guys.” The nurse told the men as they
left the room.



“What did you give him?” Jessica asked.



“Just a little valium to relax him and get him to
rest,” the nurse responded.



“He’s so agitated, he’s not himself.” Jessica was
growing concerned about Nick’s change in personality.



“There is an order for the psych doctor to come
and see him later today. I know he would want to talk with
family before he talks to Nick. Are you going to be around
for awhile?” The nurse asked Jess.



“I will not leave if I am needed. I want to do
whatever I can to help Nick.” Jess replied.

Chapter Nineteen



Brian walked into Nick’s room and found Nick sitting up in
bed with a tray of food sitting on the stand in front of
him. As of yet, he hadn’t touched his plate.



“Hey buddy, how’s it going?” Brian asked Nick
cheerfully.



Nick barely glanced up at Brian, he didn’t smile
and seemed to be off in thought someplace else. “Okay, I
guess.” Nick mumbled.



Brian looked up at the television to see what Nick
was watching. As usual, MTV was on. “Don’t let me stop you
from eating.” Brian suggested.


“It’s okay, I’m not hungry anyway.” Nick said as
his shoved the tray back.



“Nick, if you don’t eat, you’ll never leave this
place.” Brian commented.



“Does it look like I would be going anyplace
anyway?” Nick answered back sarcastically.



“Comeon, Nick. Why are you doing this to
yourself? You’ve already pushed Jess out of the way, are
you going for each of us one by one? We want to help you
but we can’t if you don’t let us.” Brian tried to reach to
Nick.


Tears started to well up in Nick’s eyes. “Why
should I try, Brian? I can’t do a damn thing on my own, I
can’t get up and walk across the room to the door, I can’t
put my clothes on by stepping into them, I have to squirm
like some damn animal. I am sick of this shit.”



“Nick, it takes time.” Brian said.



“Yeah, we’ll I’m running out of time.” Nick
snapped back.



Brian had an thought that would possible reinforce
the fact that Nick’s fans didn’t care if he was walking or
not, they cared about him.



“Come on, I want to show you something.” Brian
motioned for Nick to get into the wheelchair.



Nick got out of bed and into the chair in almost a
quick sweeping motion. Brian was going to comment on how
well his friend was doing in that aspect, but decided
against it.



Nick rolled the chair himself, he already hated it
when someone would push the chair for him. He felt more
like an invalid when they did that. He went out open door
that Brian held for him.



As they approached a small lobby that was encased
in windows on one side, Brian walked over to the windows and
looked down on the hospital grounds. He saw the large mass
of about 150 people standing on the ground holding up signs
every so often conveying greetings to Nick.



“Nick, I want you to come over here and look out.
There is something you need to see.” Brian pointed to the
window.



When Nick looked out the window, he was shocked to
see the number of people standing on the lawn.



“Nick, they’ve been here since the accident.
There has always been a crowd of people. They care about
you Nick. I’m sure that they don’t care that you can’t walk
right now or if you had lost an eye or an arm. They care
about you and that you are alive. They want you to come
back. Nick, we don’t need you to run onstage. You don’t
have to dance, just sing. They love you for your voice.
They love you for you. You helped others forget about their
problems when they listen to you sing. If you never sing
again, you would take that away from them.”


Nick listened to Brian as he looked out the
window. Hot tears slipped down his cheeks. Nick quickly
wiped them away.



“Yeah, but Bri, don’t you think it would look
stupid for me to be onstage? What would I do for an encore,
pop wheelies?” Nick asked bitterly.



“Nick, you’re not listening to me. I said it
doesn’t matter to the fans, they want to see you.” Brian
said.



He looked down at the lawn and noticed that some
of the people on the lawn were pointing up towards the
window. The group started going wild and the signs were
popping up. The only words that could be made out on some
of the signs was Nick’s name and we miss you.



“Hey, they’ve spotted you, why don’t you waive to
the crowd?” Brian asked.


“Because I would feel like a dork.” Nick replied.



“Comeon Nick, let them know you know they’re
there.” Brian encouraged.



Nick lifted his arm and gave a half-hearted waive.
The crowd below started to waive back and go wild.



“See pal, you still have it even from the sixth
floor.” Brian commented.



Brian had an idea. “How would you feel about
seeing a few fans?”



“Where? Here?” Nick asked.



“Yeah, just a few. I think it would be a good
idea.” Brian suggested.



“Oh, I don’t know...” Nick’s voice trailed off.



“Let me ask your doctor and see what he says.”
Brian said.


“The psych doc?” Nick asked in a sarcastic tone.



“Hey, don’t snap at me, you’re the one who was
selfish and tried to kill yourself, not me. You brought this
doctor on yourself.” Brian snapped back.



“I’m going back to my room, if it’s alright with
you.” Nick turned his chair around.



“Hey, Nick, if you don’t get your attitude in
better form, they’ll keep you here even longer. Try to work
with us, will you?” Brian called out to his friend. Nick’s
response was a waive. He never turned back.



Brian walked down to the nurses station and asked
about Nick’s psychologist. The nurse gave Brian the phone
number to his office. Brian took the number she had written
on the pink slip of paper and thanked her. Brian was
wondering if he even needed to consult with Nick’s doctor
about having some fans come in and see him. He decided
against having the doctor involved in it since he probably
would say yes and then charge Nick a $90 fee for
consultation.



“I think I’ll have to have Jessica’s help for
this.” Brian thought to himself. There would be no way
that he could go to the crowd and select a few fans to
accompany him to Nick’s room.



Brian decided to drive over to Jess’ house and see
if she would help. He managed to escape the crowd by
walking out the door with a group of people and he kept
farther away from the drive where the crowd would see him.
He knew that it would be impossible for him to approach the
group to ask them anything.


Brian found Jessica at home reading. She greeted
him with a hug. “How’s Nicky doing?” Jess asked anxiously.
She had not been back at the hospital since the day Nick was
taken to ICU for the suicide attempt. She stayed away
because she didn’t want to aggrivate him any further. He
was having so many violent outbursts that it scared her.



“A little better, he’s still so depressed.” Brian
replied.



“Oh. They’re still working with him though,
aren’t they?” Jess wondered.



“Yeah. They’ve got him on a few things now. I
hope that doesn’t go on for long though.” Brian hated the
thought of anyone having to be on mind enhancing drugs.
They put Nick on prozac and vallium. It seemed to even out
his temper a little, but he was still quite moody but not so
violent.



“I had an idea this morning when I was at the
hospital and I was wondering if you could help me on this
one?” Brian asked.


“Sure, anything.” Jess sounded excited. She
wanted so desperately to help Nick.



“Okay, Nick has been down about the use of his
legs. He feels worthless and that no one would want him the
way he is.”



“Yes, still?” Jess was hoping Nick would get out
of that feeling.



“Yes, but I have a thought. I tried to convince
Nick that the fans don’t care if he is dancing or not. They
love him for him and his singing. It wouldn’t matter if he
was in a wheelchair or not.” Brian continued.



“Go, on.” Jess waited for him to finish.



“Well, you know all of the fans on the front lawn
at the hospital, I was wondering if we got maybe ten or
twelve of them and had them come up to Nick’s room for
pictures and autographs...”



“Wait, what did Nick say about this?” Jess asked.



“He didn’t say much of anything. He got mad when
I said I would talk to his doctor first. I think it would
be a good thing for Nick.” Brian was psyched. He was
hoping that Jess would agree.



“Ten or twelve fans? How would we go about
finding some calm girls?” Jess was still considering the
idea. “I would hate to have some psycho come into his room
and hurt him. Don’t you think this could be dangerous?”



“Aww, I think it would be safe. We would have to
devise a plan to pick out some girls that would be okay.”
Brian said.


“Oh yeah, that’s gonna be easy, Hey anyone want to
see Nick Carter, follow me, but I can only take about ten of
you. I can see the mayhem unfold already. Jess said
uneasily.



“Quit being so negative. Comeon, we’ll think of a
plan on our way back.” Brian said as he turned towards the
door.



“Wait a minute, I need to get cleaned up before I
go. I don’t have any make up on and my hair looks like
crap.” Jess pleaded with Brian.



“You look fine to me.” Brian answered.

“Ha, ha, you can sit down and wait a few minutes.
Nick is depressed right now, I don’t want to depress him any
further.” Jess pushed Brian by the shoulders back into his
seat on the couch. “Watch some tv or something, entertain
yourself, I won’t be that long.” Jess hollered back at
Brian as she ran back to her room.



Brian reluctantly sat back and turned the
television on.



While Jess showered, she tried to devise a plan on
how to get a group of fans to come with them to Nick’s room.
She had an idea, and knew if they or rather she approached
the crowd in the right way, they would get only a few
people.



Brian scanned the stations and stopped on MTV.
They were counting down the top ten videos of the week. The
one that was on was not his particular favorite. It was
Britney Spears, “Sometimes I Run.” He rolled his eyes while
he watched her attempt to dance.


“Awh, man this is so lame.” Brian said outloud.
Most groups didn’t get on his nerves, but this girl was so
competetive that once when the groups were at Disney, she
whined because she was going onstage last.



“Jess, I hope you’re almost done, I can’t take
much more of this.” Brian yelled towards the bathroom. He
starting singing along with the video in a high pitched
voice, mocking Britney.



MTV news in brief came on after the video. Brian
turned the volume up:



Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys is still in
Tampa Bay Hospital recovering after an alledged sucide
attempt on Wednesday. He has remained hospitalized since a
car accident in Florida on June 20th.



“I am so glad that they share everything with
everybody. Poor Nick, now he has this thing hanging over
his head.” Brian thought outloud.



Jess came out into the living room and sat on the
couch as she towel dried her hair. The music video that was
starting was the newest Backstreet Boys. Jess watched Nick
intently through the video.


“Brian, I hope this nightmare ends soon and things
get back to normal.” Jess sighed.


“Me too, Jess, me too.” Brian agreed.

Brian and Jess separated in the parking lot. She
told Brian her plan was to approach the crowd and tell her
she was a reporter and wanted to interview some of Nick
Carter’s fans and what they are feeling at the moment.
Brian thought that would be a great idea and while she was
gathering fans, he would wait in the lounge on the sixth
floor. Jess could bring them there before she took them in
Nick’s room.



Jess walked up to the front of the crowd. She
cleared her throat hoping that she had the voice to be able
to be heard when she talked above the music and the talking.



“Excuse me.” Jess paused for effect to see if she
got their attention. “Excuse me, but I am a reporter and I
would like to interview about ten or twelve fans of Nick
Carter’s. Would anyone be interested in coming with me for
about an hour or so?”



Jess looked into the crowd. Quite a few girls
ranging in age from twelve to eighteen came forward.



“I can only take twelve of you at the most. I
guess I’ll have to pick you guys out.” Jess touched certian
ones on the should and told them to stand aside. Once she
got her group, she asked them to follow her to the hospital.


“I have the equipment set up inside a room.” She lied to
the girls.



They followed her to the elevator. None of them
seemed to act like obsessed fans, which Jess was hoping that
would carry through when they realized where they were
heading.



Before they got to the sixth floor, Jess decided
to mention what they were going to do.



“I think it would be a good idea for you to know
that I have one of the Backstreet Boys that will be joining
us in the interview.” Jessica’s eyes scanned the elevator
for the reaction from the girls.



“Who is it?” A few voices piped up.


“I could only get Brian Littrell.” Jess responded
and tried to sound appologetic.



“Oh, god, is he really here?” One of the girls
from the back asked. “I’ll die if he is.”



“Please, you guys have to promise to be quiet,
remember, we are on a hospital floor and they will kick us
out and end this interview in a hurry.” Jess asked the
group.



They remained quiet when they got off the
elevator. Jess walked down the hallway to the lounge where
Brian would be waiting. He was feeling as nervous as
Jessica was about this. As they entered the room, the girls
spotted Brian sitting in the corner wearing a Kentucky
Wildcats baseball cap. As he stood up to greet the group,
the girls rushed him and knocked him over.



“Ladies, please, what did I say about control?”
Jess pleaded with the girls. “If you don’t control
yourselves, we will have to go back out. Brian is doing us
a favor and he doesn’t need you people to mob him.”



Jess looked at Brian while the girls backed off.
She pulled him off to the side. “I’m starting to wonder if
this would be a good idea after all.”



“Let’s see, we’ll gradually tell them about seeing
Nick and see how they are.” Brian whispered back to Jess.


“Okay ladies, just take a seat and we’ll get
started.” Jess directed the group. Brian sat back down in
the corner where he was.



After Jess asked them about how they feel about
Nick and being hurt, the girls had calmed down. Taking a
deep breath, she decided to let them in on why they were on
the sixth floor.



“As you probably know from standing outside, Nick
is on this floor.” Jess scanned the group for reactions. A
couple of the girls put their hands to their mouths. Brian
wasn’t helping in the corner, he put his hand to his mouth
mocking the girls. Jess shot a dirty look back at Brian
which made the whole group turn and look at him.



“Anyway, as I was saying, Nick is on this floor.
You have probably heard that he is feeling down right now.
He is recovering, but it isn’t as fast as he would want it.”



“Poor Nick, we love him so much we hate to see him
hurting. We heard about what he tried to do to himself,
that is so sad. We love him no matter what he can do.” One
of the girls in the group took it upon herself to be a
spokesperson.



“Exactly. I was wondering how you guys would be
if you were able to go into Nick’s room to cheer him up?”
Jess asked.



The girls started getting excited again, bouncing
in their seats.



“I could see if we can do that, but you would have
to promise to be calm and act like adults, could you do
that?” Jess asked the group.


“Oh yeah, we would behave.” The girls responded
in unison.



“Brian, could you go and see if Nick would be up
to some visitors?” Jess asked.



Brian nodded and got up and walked out of the
room. The girls watched him walk away, their mouths were
dropped open in shock. They couldn’t believe that they were
so close to Brian.



Brian walked into Nick’s room and found him in bed
watching tv and playing with his gameboy.



“Hey buddy, how ya doing?” Brian asked.



“Fine.” Nick replied and didn’t take his eyes off
the game he was playing.


“Do you feel up to company?” Brian asked.



“Huh?” Nick replied still not looking up from his
game.



“Jess is out in the lobby and----”



“She’s here, oh I want to see her and tell her I
am so sorry.” Nick finally looked up at Brian.



“Well, she’s not alone right now, so you would
have to wait a bit to talk directly to her.” Brian
continued.



“Waddya mean?” Nick was suspicious.



“Well, we took it upon ourselves to gather a small
group of your devoted fans and we thought it would be a good
idea for them to come in and see you. Nick, I think it
would be good for you to see some of them. I never talked
to your doctor about this, I’m going out on a limb here,
pal. Please say yes.” Brian looked pleadingly at his
friend.



“I hate the thought of anyone coming in to see me
like this.” Nick said quietly.



“That’s the beauty of it Nick. They don’t care
how you look, they just care.” Brian replied.


“Hospital gown and all?” Nick looked at his
chest.



“Did you want to put on the clothes you wore in
the interview on MTV?” Brian offered.



“No, it would take too long to do that. This will
be fine, I am sick afterall. Go ahead and bring them in, I
guess.” Nick sighed and turned off the gameboy and laid it
on his bedstand.



Brian went back into the lobby area where the
twelve girls were standing with Jess.



“Is everything ok with Nick?” Jess asked Brian.


The girls could hardly contain themselves when
Jess said Nick’s name.



“Now, girls,” Brian said to the crowd, “If you
can’t control yourselves, we’ll call this whole thing off.
Nick agreed to have you guys come in, but when I say we
leave, we leave. Don’t rush up to his bed or do anything
that could hurt him. Are there any questions?”



“He’s, like, not still in a coma or something is
he?” A girl from the back of the room asked timidly.



Brian and Jess exchanged glances. Jess rolled her
eyes.



“No, he’s awake.” Brian looked puzzled as he
answered the stupid question. “Anyway, follow me quietly.”
Brian turned and gestured with his hand for the group to
come along. They got to Nick’s door and Brian softly
knocked on it.


“It’s open.” Nick said from the other side.



The girls gasped when they heard Nick’s voice. A
couple of girls kept whispering oh my god over and over.



Jess was at the back of the crowd. Nick saw the
girls enter the room and he tried his best to smile. He
felt silly laying in bed greeting a bunch of girls. Nick
looked past the group of girls when he saw Jess come into
the room. His heart skipped a beat. He wanted desperately
to talk to her, to tell her how sorry he was for what he had
said to her. If he could only take that day back.



Jess looked at Nick. He was starting to look much
better, stronger. The black circles under his eyes were
almost faded and the color of his face looked healthy again.
She smiled at Nick and winked to let him know that
everything was okay.



When Nick saw Jessica smile and wink at him, he
knew they would talk after this was done. He turned his
attention to the group that had surrounded his bed.



The girls stayed for twenty minutes asking Nick
questions and wanted pictures or autographs. One of the
girls did happen to have a camera with her and asked Nick if
she could take a picture of him. Nick didn’t look too
thrilled about the prospect of a picture.



Jess thought Nick looked really sweet, his hair
was messy and he just had a boyish quality to him at that
moment. “Go ahead, Brian will take the picture for you.”



Brian took the camera and the girl stood next to
Nick’s bed to pose. Nick decided it would be okay for her
to sit on the bed and lean back so that they would be closer
together for the picture.



“Comeon, it’s okay, jump up here and sit back.”
Nick coaxed her.


Brian snapped two pictures for the girl. When she
got off the bed, Brian told them it was time for them to
leave. All of the girls gave a sigh saying they wanted to
stay longer.


“Nick needs to rest, this has been the most
excitement he’s had lately and I’m sure it killed him, eh
buddy?” Brian winked at Nick.



Nick gave Brian a weak smile which meant that he
was embarrassed and would get back at him later.



“OKAY. Well, follow me ladies.” Brian opened the
door and gestured for the girls to go out.



“Brian, I’ll take them back out, you can stay here
with Nick, okay? I’ll come back in a few minutes.” Jessica
said to Brian.


“Thanks.” Brian held the door for the girls and
watched them leave. Most of the girls said thank you to
Brian as they walked by him.



Jessica couldn’t get them back out to the front
lawn quick enough. She wanted to hurry and go back and talk
to Nick. She happened to meet Dr. Gaynor on her way back to
the sixth floor.


“Hi Jessica, how are you today?” The Doctor
smiled.



“Fine, and you?” Jess asked.



“Good. Have you been in to see Nick yet?” Dr.
Gaynor questioned.


“Yup, just took twelve girls to his room. Brian
and I thought it would boost Nick’s morale to have some fans
come in and see him. I’m sure he’s getting tired of being
cooped up.” Jess replied.



“That was a good idea. I was thinking about
letting Nick go out for awhile, not be discharged, but be
allowed to go out for a ride, go to a park, something along
that way. I think it would be an excellent idea for him to
get some Florida sun.” Dr. Gaynor was getting ready to get
off on the fourth floor and held the door as he was talking
to Jessica.



“Oh, that would be wonderful. Are you coming up
to see him soon?” Jess asked.



“I’ll be there in awhile.”



With that, Dr. Gaynor stepped away from the
elevator and let the doors close. Jess was excited for Nick
to think that he could go out for awhile. Her mind raced to
think of places he would want to go to. She couldn’t wait
to tell him.


Jess walked into Nick’s room to find Brian and
Nick watching tv. Brian stood up when Jess entered the
room. “I think I’ll go down to the cafeteria for a little
bit and give you two some time alone.”



Jess didn’t wait for Brian to leave. She went up
to Nick’s bed and kissed Nick. Nick gave her a tight
squeeze and kept whispering in her ear that he was sorry.



“It’s overwith, let’s never bring this up again.”
Jess looked into Nick’s eyes to reassure him that she was
putting that incident in the past.



“Come up and sit with me.” Nick smiled as he
patted the empty space in his bed. He wanted Jess to be as
close to him as possible.



“How are you doing?” Jess asked Nick as she
settled down next to him.


“Same. Physical theraphy sucks. I feel like I am
not going anywhere with it. My legs still feel the same,
and they don’t seem to be working on it at all, they just
want me to do arm and upper body exercises and practice
going from the chair to another chair and to a car and to a
shower. I’m trying to keep a positive outlook on this but
it is getting hard. I know that everything takes time.”
Nick sighed.


Jess touched Nick’s hair and smoothed it away from
his face. She kissed him on the cheek. “I wish there was
something I could do for you, babe.”





“I know you do. It really tears me up when I see
you and especially when I see my mom. You know how
emotional she can be. I just feel like I don’t have much to
offer being in the shape I am right now.” Nick appologized.


“Shhh. Let’s not talk about this now. Let’s just
take everything minute by minute.” Jess said as she
squeezed his arm.

Nick was excited as he was getting dressed to go
and spend a few hours away from the hospital. He was happy
when Dr. Gaynor told him he could go. There were so many
things that Nick wanted to do, wanted to see. He completely
forgot about his limitations at the moment.



Jess was trying to think of places that Nick would
want to go to. Everything she thought of would be
impossible since he was in a wheelchair and she didn’t have
the physical strength to help him. She was beginning to
wonder if this was such a good idea after all. She was
afraid that after this trip he would become even more
depressed. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open
to Nick’s room.



“I’m ready to go.” Nick was sitting in his chair,
dressed. The smile on his face was something that Jess
hadn’t seen in weeks.



“Do you know where you want to go?” Jess asked.


“I don’t care where I go, I just want to get the
hell away from this place. I am so sick of it.” Nick
replied.



“Okay, I guess I’ll have to lead the way since you
won’t know where you’re going.” Jess turned and opened the
door for Nick.


As they were in the elevator, Jess kept thinking
about all of the obsticals that Nick would encounter and
wondered if he was up to it. The first hurdle would be him
getting into her car that was parked out front. Jess hoped
that there wouldn’t be a crowd outside watching the comings
and goings at the hospital. She didn’t know how Nick will
be getting himself into a car.



“I parked the Cherokee out front.” Jess told Nick
as they got off the elevator and walked through the lobby.



So far so good. Jess was thinking to herself. She
was silently praying that things would go okay.



The warm Florida air felt good on his face. Nick
took a deep breath in. The fresh air felt like nothing he
had ever experienced before in his life. He never thought
he would appreciate it, but after weeks of breathing the
stale hospital air, this was like a new awakening. He
wheeled the chair over to Jess’s vehicle and quickly
surveyed the situation. It was higher than what he was used
to moving himself in and out of. The hospital model was a
bit lower. Nick knew that he would have to really use his
upper body to successfully get in.


Jess scanned the area and was upset to see a flock
of photographers standing on the lawn. One of them had seen
Nick and was using a telephoto lense and was taking pictures
already. She hoped that Nick didn’t see the guy.



“Okay, I’m gonna try this.” Nick said quietly.
His desperation to leave was overcoming his fear of falling
flat on his back.



“Is there anything I can do to help?” Jess
offered.



“NO.” Nick snapped back at her.



Jess took a step back but was still behind Nick as
if she would be able to protect him from hurting himself.
She watched as Nick successfully pulled himself out of the
chair and slid into the passenger seat. As he was adjusting
himself and buckeling in, she folded his chair and put it
into the backseat.


Nick could feel the sweat on his forehead. He was
happy that he accomplished his mission on getting into the
car without looking foolish. As he turned to watch Jess get
into the car, he noticed the paparazzi on the front lawn.



“Damn them bastards. Why can’t they leave me
alone?” Nick said outloud. “Jess, will you be able to
outrun these jerks?”



“I dunno, I will give it my best shot, Nick.”
Jess sighed.



As she sped away, she looked in the rearview
mirror to see if any cars had followed them out of the
parking lot. She was relieved to see that it appeared that
they were alone as far as fans go.



Nick settled back into his seat and looked out the
window as Jess steered the car onto the highway. For the
first time in weeks, Nick felt free. He was anxious to be
released from the hospital permanently. He was tired of
tests, theraphy, drugs, the whole thing. He stopped taking
his prozac this morning because he was feeling better. Nick
didn’t like taking stuff and this pill seemed to him to be
something that clouded his thoughts. He didn’t want to take
a pill that would make him happy.



“I bet cha you’re hungry for McDonald’s, am I
right?” Jess was trying to think of stuff that Nick would
like to do.


“God, that does sound good.” Nick replied.


Jess took the next exit that showed a billboard of
McDonald’s. She knew that was something she could get
without having to leave the car. As they pulled into the
parking lot, she asked Nick what he wanted.



“My usual. I would eat the paper right now, this
is gonna be better than that crap I get at the hospital.”
Nick said.



A cheerful voice greeted Jess as she stopped at
the speaker to order. Nick liked going to McDonald’s when
Jess was driving. He liked going to McDonald’s when he was
driving. No one ever suspects Nick Carter ordering food at
a drive thru.



“Do you wanna eat in the parking lot?” Jess
asked.


“Hey, anything is fine with me.” Nick replied.



“What do you want to do after we eat?” Jess
asked.



“Do you have your cell phone on ya?” Nick asked.



“Yes, why, do you want to use it?” Jess asked
Nick as she handed the girl in the drive thru the money for
their order.



Nick nodded. Jess handed the drinks one at a time
to Nick and then the bag with the food. After she pulled
into a parking spot in the shade, she pulled the cell phone
out of her purse.



Nick took the phone and placed it on the
dashboard. “I’ll make a call after we’re done eating.”



As they were eating, Jess noticed that Nick kept
rubbing his left thigh.



“Is something bothering you?” she asked.



“No, I’m okay, why?” Nick replied.


Jess decided to drop it. “Nothing, I guess I’m
not use to seeing you verticle.” Jess tried to make a small
joke with Nick. He looked out the corner of his eye at her.



Nick laughed and then stopped laughing abruptly.
That was their way of saying to each other “funny, not.”



For a second, Jess thought that they had been
discovered by some fans. She saw a car full of teens park a
car and get out. One of the girls looked over at the car
and pointed discreetly. Jess heard the other girl say no
way and they walked into the restaurant.



“Wow, that was a close one. I guess no one would
expect you to be out and about right now. Must be MTV
hasn’t gotten wind of this.” Jess sighed. She glanced over
at Nick and saw that he was rubbing his leg again. “Nick,
what is wrong?”



“Huh?”



“Nickolas Carter, I know you better than that,
something is wrong.” Jess demanded an answer from him.



“I’m feeling something like pin pricks in this
thigh. It’s real dull, but it’s there and it doesn’t really
hurt or anything, it just bugs me.” Nick replied quietly.



“How long has this been going on?” Jess asked.



“A day or so. It’s been on and off, nothing
constant. It just gets annoying that’s all.” Nick looked
out the window as he spoke. He reached for the cell phone
and started dialing.

“Hey, how ya doin? I was wondering if me and Jess
could come up and see you. No, I’m out for a few hours.
McDonald’s. Yeah. Okay, just a sec.” Nick handed the
phone over to Jess. “Talk.”



“Hello?” Jess wasn’t sure who Nick had called.



“Hey.” the voice had a slight southern drawl.



“Brian?” Jess asked.



“How are things going?” Brian asked Jess.


“Okay. So what am I doing?” Jess asked Brian
while she looked at Nick.



“I guess you’re coming over to my place.” Brian
replied.



“Nick, you know you will have to go back to the
hospital soon.” Jess said.



“Screw that, I’m out, I don’t ever want to go
back.” Nick replied.



“Maybe it would be a good idea to come over. We’ll
see you in a few.” Jess closed the cover on the cell phone
and put it back on the dashboard. She was thinking to
herself that if Nick gave her any problems about going back
Brian would be there to back her up. Maybe Kev or Howie
would be there too.



The drive over to the apartment took over twenty
minutes. They hit every possible light on the street. As
Jess pulled into a parking space, she looked at the steps
leading to the front door of the condo that Brian lived in.
Nick was looking at the steps at the same time.



“I guess we forgot about those.” Jess said
quietly.



“There’s gotta be any easy way to do this.” Nick
tried to figure a plan out.



“Nick, I’m gonna have to call Brian and ask for
help. We will have to take you in backwards up the steps
and I can’t do that very well, I’m sure of that.” Jess
apologized.



Brian and Kevin came out the door after Jess
called. Kevin walked up to Nick’s side of the car.



“Hey, glad to see you out and about, buddy.”
Kevin smiled as he patted Nick on the shoulder.


Jess got out of the car and walked around to get
Nick’s chair out of the backseat. Kevin reached in and
pulled the chair out of the backseat before Jess could. He
opened it and then Jess took it and positioned it for Nick
by the side of the car. No one said anything as they
watched Nick scooch himself from the car to the wheelchair.
Everyone looked uncomfortable about it.



Kevin took ahold of the handles on the wheelchair
once Nick got to the first step. He turned it so Nick was
facing backwards and started pulling him up the six steps.
Once they got inside the condo, there was another five
carpeted steps Kevin had to pull him up.



Nick felt a little embarrassed about having to be
helped. No one said a word while this was going on. They
all felt the pain that Nick had to be feeling deep inside.



“Nick, we just made some pizza, do you guys want a
slice?” Brian asked.



“Oh, no thanks, we just ate.” Jess replied.



“I’ll take one.” Nick said.



Jess looked at him. “You just ate a quarter
pounder, supersize fries and a supersize coke and you’re
still hungry?”



“Yes.” Nick smiled. Eating was one of his
favorite hobbies. Nick always had a ravenous appetite.
Jess was hoping that he would learn to curb it since he
wouldn’t be as active as he was, but for right now it was
good to see him eat since he had lost about twenty pounds
since the accident.



“Jess, you want some coke or ice tea or
something?” Kevin asked as he gave Nick his slice of pizza.



“Anything is fine.” Jess answered.



Kevin looked at her and raised his eyebrows. He
looked at her and waited for another answer.


“Whatever you are getting yourself will be okay
with me.” Jess answered again.



“Okay.” Kevin said with a smile and returned with
a beer.



“I guess I should rephrase that. I’ll have a
soda.” Jess said.



Kevin again looked at her and raised his eyebrows.
He waited for another answer.



“Just get me any damn pop, dammit.” Jess laughed.



The guys laughed. Jess was always an easy target
to tease. As they visited for about an hour, Jess noticed
that Nick was rubbing his leg even more than before. He was
doing it slowly and appeared to be trying to hide doing it.



As Nick and Jess were getting ready to leave, Jess
looked over at Nick and into his eyes. They looked teary to
her. His face looked like he was in pain.



“Nicky, are you okay?” Brian noticed Nick was
having problems at the same time Jess was.



“No.” Nick’s answer was barely audible.


“What’s wrong?” Jess asked. “Is it your leg
again?”



Nick nodded. He hurt so much he didn’t want to
speak.



“We’ll try to get you back to the hospital as soon
as I can.” Jess was worried.



“How about I take you guys back, you can leave
your car here and one of us will take it to your house or
something later.” Kevin offered.



“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” Brian
agreed. “I’ll go along too.”



“Let’s go down to the garage then.” Kevin said as
he pushed Nick through the kitchen over to the stairs that
would take them to the garage.


The ride down the stairs to the garage made Nick a
little nervous. Instead of being pulled backwards up the
stairs, they were pushing him one step at a time forward and
Nick almost felt like he could fall out of the chair. He
was in a lot of pain so that didn’t help his disposition
either.



Kevin’s car was a large luxury car. It reminded
Jess of something that someone would drive in a funeral
procession. Kev also had a truck. He was the oldest in the
group and probably looked more at practicality rather than
good looks and attention grabbers like Nick’s Prowler.



The drive back to the hospital seemed to go slow
to Nick. He was breathing shallow and hard. Jess could
tell he was in a lot of pain. His face was flushed and
sweaty. Finally, Nick couldn’t stand the pain anymore, he
let out a scream that was almost blood curdling.



Jess could see the worry in Kevin’s face as he
stomped on the gas to get the car going faster. Brian and
Jess were sitting in the backseat.



Brian took Jessica’s hand to try to calm her down.
As they approached the hospital, Kevin said,”Where do we go?
Which way?”


He was upset and he talked loud and fast.



“Calm down, just pull up to the front.” Brian was
calmer. Nick was quiet and kept gulping air and moaning.



Kevin stopped the car in front of the hospital.
Jess and Brian flew out of the backseat as Kevin popped the
trunk open. Brian grabbed the wheelchair and pulled it
hastily over to the passenger door. Kevin flung the door
open and Brian grabbed Nick under the arms and slid him to
the chair. He hastily put Nick’s feet on the stands and
then he pushed the chair into the hospital. Kevin didn’t
follow Jess and Brian. He was going to go park the car, but
changed his mind and slipped off his ignition key and gave
it to the valet parking boy and quickly got his receipt.



Kevin ran in and caught the elevator before the
doors closed.



“Brian, you take Nick to his room and I’ll stop at
the nurses station and let them know that something is
wrong.” Jess tried to take a handle on the situation.


Nick was grabbing his legs and moaning. No one
knew what was wrong and what Nick was feeling. Nick wasn’t
talking to anyone. His eyes were closed and he was rocking
his body back in forth.



As they got into Nick’s room, a nurse rushed in
right behind them. She didn’t waste anytime putting a blood
pressure cuff on Nick’s right arm and starting the machine.



“Nick, where does it hurt?” The nurse asked.



“My legs,OH GOD.” Nick yelled when the pain
sharply rose again.


“Can you describe it?” the nurse questioned
again.



Nick had his eyes closed and his head was tilted
back. First he shook his head no. “It just goddamn hurts.
Knife stabbing, hot. It just hurts. Awwwwwww.”



Kev, Brian and Jess looked at each other. Was
this something good or was this a bad thing. How long would
this last?



The nurse left the room.



“Nick, do you want to lay down? Maybe if you
stretch out it may help your legs.” Kevin offered.



Nick nodded. It sounded like a good idea, he was
willing to try to do anything to take the pain away.



Kevin pushed the chair over to the bed. “Let me
move you.”



Nick normally didn’t want anyone to touch him, he
wanted to be independent, but was glad that Kevin offered to
put him into the bed. It hurt so much that he didn’t think
he would be able to move himself.



Kevin picked his friend up under the arms and
placed him into the bed. Nick moaned while he was being
moved.


The nurse came back into the room with an IV pole
and a syringe.



“Oh god, not another IV.” Nick cried out.



“I’m not hooking you up to it yet, Dr. Gaynor told
me to wait until he checks you out. I do have some morph
for the pain,” the nurse said as she lowered Nick’s
waistband on his blue jeans. She exposed his hip and
swabbed it with rubbing alcohol. Nick flinched as she
injected the morphine into his body.



Suddenly, Nick felt warm. The pain was slowly
going away. He also felt very, very sleepy. He tried to
fight the sleepiness but finally drifted off.



“There, that should help him rest,” the nurse
stated as she saw Nick go to sleep. Without skipping a
beat, she picked up his left hand and strapped a band on his
upper arm and looked for a vein on the top of his hand. She
prepped it and started up an IV.



“I thought you told Nick you were waiting for Dr.
Gaynor before you did another IV?” Jess asked her.



“Yes, I did, but that was only because I knew that
the patient would be out once he got the morphine and I
could tell he was agitated about the IV and distressed and I
decided to wait until he was out before I set this up. It
would be so much easier and I knew he would be resistant.”



“What is he getting?” Jess asked.



“Dr. Gaynor wanted him to get more steroid for his
spine. The pain was an indicator that the nerves are
starting to respond again and IV steroids work more quickly
than when they’re injected.


“So you’re saying that there is still a chance
that Nick could walk again?” Brian was excited.



“Can’t say, but things are looking better today
than what they did yesterday.” The nurse responded as she
was leaving the room.



Brian and Jess hugged. They both felt as if their
prayers had been answered. Jess hugged Kevin. “I hope that
this pain is temporary and that Nick will be able to use his
legs again. I can’t bear to see him in agony. It hurts me
to see him this way.” Jess said outloud.

When Nick finally woke up, the searing pain that
had been in his legs were replaced with pins and needles
type of pain. It was the same type a pain you felt when
your foot falls asleep.

He was glad to see that he was in
his room alone. He looked down at his feet and
concentraited on moving a foot. He was shocked when he
thought he saw his foot moving under the covers.



“Naw, I must be seeing things that aren’t here.”
Nick brushed it off.

Still he was thinking that maybe he
did see something move. He concentraited again and tried to
move his left foot. Nothing, just as I thought. Then he
decided to try and move his right foot. Very slowly, the
blankets wrinkled where his foot was. Nick was moving his
foot! He was so excited that he let out a a quiet yell.



“YEAH!” Nick’s mind was racing thinking of all of
the stuff he would be able to do. He glanced over at the
wheelchair that was next to the bed almost mocking his
achievements. I will be so glad to get rid of that thing.
Nick thought to himself.



Jessica, Brian and Kevin came back into the
room.


“Hey, you’re awake. How are you feeling, Nicky?”
Jess went up to Nick and kissed him.



“Great. I mean, it still kinda hurts but wait
until you see this!” Nick couldn’t wait to show them how he
could move his right foot. He pulled the covers back to
expose his feet. He wanted to make sure that they saw his
foot move.



Brian, Jess and Kevin stood around the bed and
looked at Nick’s feet. Nick concentraited and was able to
move his right foot very slightly.



“Oh, god, Nick that is so good to see.” Jess was
happy for Nick. The movement was slightly noticible, but it
was movement.



Brian slapped Nick on the back. “I’m so glad to
see this. Maybe you’ll get out of here sooner.


“Oh, I didn’t even think about that! Hey, maybe
you’re right. That would be so cool.” Nick started
thinking about being able to go home and sleep in his own
bed, being in his own house.



“Hey, one thing at a time.” Kevin said. Leave it
to Kev, he was always the one in the group that usually
brought things down to the proper perspective.



“I know, but it’s so hard not to get psyched about
this.” Nick couldn’t control his happiness. Last week he
was looking at a lifetime of paralysis and now it looked
like he would be able to walk again.



Nick’s physical therapist, Tanya came into the
room. She looked shocked to see Brian and Kevin in the room
with Nick. She had been excited when she was told that she
would have the Nick Carter case. She liked the Backstreet
Boys but tried to play it down so that she would be assigned
to Nick. She tried to cover her nervousness.



“Hi Nick, how are you doing today?” Tanya looked
down at his chart as she walked towards Nick.



“Pretty damn good.” Nick was still high on being
able to move his right foot. It was such a big deal to him.



“You look pretty happy, why is that?” Tanya
asked.



“I just found out I can do something I haven’t
been able to do for a few weeks.” Nick said proudly.



“And what would that be?” The therapist asked as
she looked over at Jess.


“I can move my right foot. Look.” Nick looked at
his foot as he moved it.



“Hey, that’s great! I see they have you hooked
back up to an IV again.” Tanya was excited for Nick being
able to move his foot.



“Yeah, the nurse sneaked it in when I was sleeping
after they gave me some stuff. Why did they do that?” Nick
looked at Jess.



“Um, the nurse told me that with the pain in your
legs that Dr. Gaynor wanted you to get IV steroids, they
would work on you a lot faster than being injected every
four hours or so.” Jess answered.



“Well, Nick, I think we can go up to PT and do a
few things this afternoon, what do you think?” Tanya tried
to sound encouraging.



“I guess I’d be willing today.” Nick replied.
“Do you guys want to come along?”



“If it’s okay with her, we will.” Kevin looked at
the therapist. She looked up at Kevin and felt her knees
buckle. She was embarrassed when she went off balance and
fell against Nick’s bed.



“Whoops, sorry about that Nick.” Tanya tried to
regain her composure and cover up the fact that she nearly
fainted when she looked into Kevin’s eyes. “I guess that
would be okay with me if it’s ok with Nick. Nick, go ahead
and get into the chair.” Tanya moved the wheelchair closer
to the bed.



Nick started to move out of the bed but was
stopped quickly when he felt a tug on his hand reminding him
that his IV pole was on the opposite side of where he was
getting out of. He glanced over at the pole and then looked
at Brian who was standing next to it. No words were
exchanged and Brian dutifully moved the pole over by the
wheelchair. Once that was in place, Nick moved quickly into
the chair.



With the IV in his hand, Nick did not object to
having someone push the chair to the elevator. As they were
leaving the room, there was five young girls standing
outside of the door with the security guard. Nick lowered
his head and didn’t look at the girls.


“Awwwh. Oh gosh, look.”



The group heard the girls whispering back and
forth to one another about Nick and Brian and Kevin. The
guard kept them from following the group. Jess glanced back
before they got on the elevator. The girls had brought some
flowers and presents to give to Nick. She always felt sorry
for the girls that were turned away at the door. She heard
the guard tell the girls they had to go or be escorted from
the building. He also told them that they could leave their
gifts at the nurses station.

After three weeks in the hospital, the day finally
came when the doctor discharged Nick. He would be going
back to the hospital every day for physical therapy and was
to continue to see the doctor that had been helping him
since his suicide attempt. Nick didn’t care that he had to
keep coming back for therapy, he was getting out and finally
becoming more independent.



Nick was able to take a few steps, they were
almost baby steps but at least they were steps. His left
leg dragged a little behind him, but the doctor assured Nick
that with time, it would get better. Nick couldn’t walk
alone though, he needed a walker just to take the three
steps. His wheelchair was still his constant companion.



“Are you sure you’re ready to leave this place?”
Jess teased Nick.



“In more ways than you could ever imagine.” Nick
answered.



Jess looked at the empty room. Brian’s friend
Pete had brought his van up to the hospital last night when
they found out that Nick would be going home and loaded all
of the presents up to take over to the house.



“I guess we’re ready then, I have the car waiting
for you.” Jess smiled.



Nick sat on the side of the bed. He was so pale,
the bruises from the accident had faded all that remained
were a few scrape marks and some bright scars where he had
been scratched so deeply on the side of his neck and arm.
The clothes he was wearing looked like they hung on him.



“Okay, anytime you’re ready.” Jessica waited
until Nick wanted to leave.


“Did you want to walk to the chair or what?” Jess
asked Nick.



Nick waved off the walker. It would be quicker to
just get into the chair. As he slid off the bed to stand,
Jess grabbed his elbow to support him.



“I’ll carry the walker then.” Jess folded it up
and walked to open the door. Nick followed her moving the
wheelchair like a pro.



Just what they both were dreading was waiting for
them outside by the car. It was mass hysteria, the press,
fans, photographers, the whole works.



“I knew this would be happening.” Jess sighed.
“Are you ready for this?”


“Got no choice. Let’s just do it.” Nick winked at
Jess. He was wearing his favorite white Nike hat backwards
as usual and he looked like a highschool kid to Jess.



Both Jess and Nick tried to ignore the cameras and
the people yelling and screaming at him. It was difficult
to concentrait let alone manage Nick getting into the car.


Nick waited until Jess had the rear door open and put the
walker into the backseat.



As Nick slowly stood up, cheers and applause
errupted from the crowd. Nick smiled in spite of himself.
He was thrilled with that accomplishment and was proud to be
able to do that. Jess had the car door positioned in a way
that Nick could hold onto the door and ease his way into the
car without her assistance, which made him look better than
what he actually was. Nick glanced at Jess, winked and
softly said “Thanks, I love you.”



Jess repeated the phrase to Nick and quickly
folded the wheelchair up and put it into the backseat after
she closed Nick’s door. She hurried around to the driver’s
side trying to push her way through the photographers that
had gathered in front of the car. They were taking pictures
of Nick through the windshield of the car. Nick kept his
head down looking at his lap.



“Okay, I really hate doing this stuff.” Jess said
as she started the car. She got nervous driving when there
was a crowd gathered. She was always afraid that some
obesessed fan would jump in front of the vehicle and she
would hit them. Nick had more of a flair for driving
through crowds.



“Just put it in drive and hammer it.” Nick
suggested.



“Oh, yeah, that always works.” Jess always tried
to be a little more cautious than Nick would be.



“Just a suggestion.” Nick laughed.



The whole time Jess and Nick were talking, Nick
never once raised his head or looked over at Jessica. He
kept looking down at his lap. He did not want to look up
because he knew the photographers were waiting for that one
good picture that they could sell and make money off of. He
hated knowing that people could make profit off of him.


Jess got out of the parking lot without any
incident. Nick was ready to go home and she couldn’t drive
fast enough for him. They had talked about her staying with
him at his house for awhile. He was still not able to be
alone yet, and he did not want to hire a nurse to be there
for him. Jess was the best answer. She was more than happy
to be there for Nick.



“God, the house looks so good to me.” Nick sighed
as they pulled into the driveway.



“I thought it would. How are you feeling?” Jess
asked as she stopped the car.



“Tired, I can’t believe that a little thing like a
car ride can wear me out.” Nick replied.



Jess walked around the car and got the wheelchair
out of the backseat. As she was setting the chair up, she
couldn’t help but notice that the street was busier than
usual. God, now they are coming over here and stalking
Nick. Good thing his dad put a fence around the house or we
would be having weird people coming up to the door, Jess
thought to herself.


“Okay, here you go.” Jess said as she opened the
car door and moved the chair towards the seat.



Nick lowered himself out of the carseat and stood
up slowly. He turned slowly and almost fell because of his
balance being offset. He quickly regained his stance and
sat slowly down into the wheelchair. Jess and he decided
that the best way for him to enter the house would be
through the garage, there would be less steps to go up and
Jess could manage the two that were there.



“I don’t plan on being in this thing too much
longer, but I never realized how many places have steps. I
guess you never think about it until you are in this
situation.” Nick said as he wheeled himself into the
garage.



Once they got into the house, Jess walked into the
livingroom and saw the flowers, baskets of fruit, stuffed
animals and balloons that surrounded the area. It looked
like a gift shop.



“Wow, Nick, you gotta take a look at all of this
stuff!” Jess couldn’t believe the outpouring of get well
wishes from fans.



When Nick came into the livingroom, he was
astounded. It touched him to think that people cared that
much about him.



“This is great. What am I gonna do with all of
this stuff, though. I can’t keep all of this. I wonder if
there is anyway I can get a message out to the fans and ask
that the best gift they could give me would be a donation to
some type of charity. That would make me feel one hundred
percent better.”



“You could call your publicist. They can get the
word out to places like MTV and stuff. You would have to
have a charity already in mind before you call though.”
Jess responded.



“What would a good charity be?” Nick wondered
outloud.


“How about something to do with children? That’s
always a good charity.” Jess offered.



“What children’s charity though.” Nick asked.



“St. Jude Children’s Research Center, they deal
with all types of things with children.” Jess suggested.



After that was settled, Nick decided to go through
the stuff that had been delivered and keep certain things
and have the rest be delivered to nursing homes and
hospitals. It was way too much for him to keep and he felt
kind of selfish having the stuff around. Before the truck
came to take the stuff away, Jess suggested that she take a
picture of Nick with all the things and send copies of the
picture to fan magazines and people magazine. Nick usually
hated having his picture go out like that, but he thought
that this would be a good idea and a nice way to thank the
fans and tell them to send stuff to the charity instead.



“I’m glad you thought of that, that makes it so
much more easier.” Nick said to Jess.



“Thanks, it was the least I could do.” Jess
replied.



It didn’t take long once Nick got home for his
phone to start ringing off the hook. Jess didn’t mind
answering the first few calls, but it started getting crazy
so they let the answering machine pick them up.



“Nick, did you want to lay down and get some rest,
you look tired.” Jess asked.



“Yeah, I guess I am a little sleepy.” Nick
replied as he yawned.


“Did you want to try and use the walker to go to
your room, or did you want to lay down on the couch?” Jess
asked.



“Bed sounds good to me, but I don’t know if I can
walk that far yet.” Nick answered. He thought about how
far away the bedroom was from where the livingroom was. It
seemed like miles.



“Why don’t you try to walk as far as you can, I’ll
be right beside you. If you start to feel like you can’t go
on, I’ll bring the chair right to you, in fact, let me put
the chair partway down the hall. Try to walk to that point
at least. I know you don’t like to do this, but the more
you do this, the better you’ll be.” Jess said as she moved
the wheelchair down the hallway after Nick got up and sat on
the couch.



“I forgot to bring the walker in, I’ll be back in
a sec.” Jess said as she hurried past the livingroom and
then out the front door. Once outside, she could hear
noises coming from a crowd across the street. She could
barely see them through the front gate. Ignoring them, she
pulled the walker out of the backseat and dashed back into
the house.



Nick stood up slowly and grabbed the walker that
Jess sat in front of him. His footsteps were slow and
caluclated. It was painful to watch Nick have to struggle
so much just to talk a few steps. His left leg dragged
slightly behind him with each step. Jess noticed that the
farther he walked, the more pronounced his leg dragged. It
took Nick almost 5 minutes to accomplish a walk that would
take less than 30 seconds. He was drenched in sweat by the
time he got to the wheelchair.



“I’ve got your bed opened up for you to crawl
into. Is there anything else I can get for you?” Jess
asked Nick as he pushed himself down the hall.



“Nope, I’m fine now.” Nick waived her off.



Jess walked out into the kitchen. She glanced
over at the accumulated messages on the answering machine.
The phone had been constantly ringing since they came home.
She pressed the review button to see if there were any calls
from people Nick would want to hear from. Most of the calls
were from friends and some fans. One call caught Jessica’s
attention, it was a call from Nick’s agent. Jess wrote the
number down and planned on giving it to Nick later.

“Alright, I know that you’re beat, Nick, but if
you want to get this right, we have to keep doing this over
and over.” Kevin sighed as Nick slumped back into his seat.


Nick had decided that he was ready to rehearse for the tour.
He could at least keep his voice in practice. Nick knew
that the dancing would be out of the question for a long
time. The guys reassured Nick that they would try to
accomodate his inability to walk, let alone stand for long
periods of time into the act. They all said that the fans
would understand and that there wouldn’t be any question
about them not doing the usual routines.



“Kev, I really have had enough.” Nick pleaded
with Kevin. His voice was starting to sound hoarse. Kevin
was such a perfectionist that he didn’t understand the
meaning of quit.



“Let’s take 10, dude.” Brian smacked Kevin on the
back. He tried to come to Nick’s rescue.


As Kevin walked away, Brian sat down next to Nick.

“He’ll get over it.” Brian said to Nick.



“No I won’t.” Kevin yelled back from the other
side of the room.



Brian winced when Kevin responded.

“I didn’t mean for him to have heard that.” Brian
smiled at Nick.



Nick couldn’t believe how tired he was and how
winded he got from rehearsing. He sat back and tried to
catch his breath.



“Do you want me to get you something?” Brian was
concerned. He could tell his friend was feeling down.



“Nope. I think I’ll stand for a few minutes, I
feel kinda funny, must be my foot fell asleep sitting here
this long.” Nick said as he attempted to stand.



Brian grabbed the walker that had been placed
behind Nick’s chair.



“Do you wanna go for a walk?” Brian asked as he
placed the walker in front of Nick.



“Yeah, lets.” Nick slowly took a few faltering
steps. Brian put his hand on Nick’s back as he started to
fall backwards.


“Whoa, easy there, buddy.” Brian said as he
prevented Nick from falling back into the chair.



They got halfway across the room and Brian noticed
that Nick’s steps were slowing and becoming more difficult.
He looked at Nick’s face to see what he was thinking or if
he was aware of anything going wrong. Nick looked like he
was concentraiting intently. As each step went on, his left
leg was dragging more and more. Suddenly, without warning,
the leg gave out and Nick fell.



“Nick, are you okay?” Brian tried to help Nick
up.



Nick laid there shocked. He tried to do quick
inventory to see if everything was okay. It was then when
he noticed the sickening pins and needles pain in both of
his legs. They felt numb.



“My legs feel funny.” Nick said outloud. Brian
saw the confused look on Nick’s face. “I can’t move them.
What the hell is going on now?” Nick yelled.



“Easy there, you just fell, give it a few
minutes.” Brian was worried but he tried to get Nick to
calm down.



Kevin heard the yelling and came rushing in with
AJ and Howie. He was shocked to see Nick laying on the
floor in the middle of the reshearsal studio.




“Nick fell.” Brian stated simply.



“Okay, okay, I’m gonna try and get up.” Nick felt
embarrassed about falling. When he tried to sit up, he knew
instantly that something was not right. He was still laying
on the floor. He had told his body that he was going to sit
up, but nothing happened. He put his right hand down on the
floor to use as a lever, but when he was going to put his
left hand down, that was when he realized he was in deep
trouble. His left arm failed to obey the command that his
brain was telling it to do. Nick was shocked, he was slowly
losing the feeling in his right arm.
Br>

“Nick, is there something you want me to do to
help you?” Brian asked his friend. He could see that Nick
was scared about something.


“Yeah, call an ambulance, I can’t feel anything
from my chest down.” Nick answered calmly, but he was
scared to death.



Nick was silently praying that the paralysis was
not spreading upwards, he was trying to keep himself calm
but was feeling like the walls were closing in on him. It
was getting harder for him to breathe.



Kevin jumped up and ran to the phone to call 911.
AJ paced the floor while Howie and Brian stayed beside Nick
and talked to him. They wanted to ask Nick how he was doing
but opted for the hang in there buddy speech.



Nick felt unusually calm as he laid there. When
he heard the ambulance pulling up outside of the studio, he
closed his eyes. Kevin had gone off to call Jess and tell
her to meet them at the hospital.



Brian met the paramedics at the door. He led them
to where Nick was laying. The paramedics wasted no time in
setting their equipment down beside Nick and knelt beside
him.


“Hi, I’m Katie from Tampa Bay EMT’s, Nick, what
seems to be the problem?” The EMT knew of Nick Carter so
she didn’t have to ask anyone what his name was.



Nick opened his eyes and looked at Katie. “I
can’t feel anything from my chest down.” Nick replied
quietly.



“Did you do this when you fell?” Katie asked
Nick.



“No, I was walking and my left leg went numb.
After I fell, my right leg started going numb and then it
moved up.” Nick could feel tears welling up in his eyes.
He was scared.



“Okay, we’re going to have to put a collar on your
neck, just as a precaution, you might have hurt something
when you fell.” The technician said as she pulled a neck
stabelizer out of the kit. The other EMT was busy taking
Nick’s vital signs. Once the EMT snapped the collar in
place, she pulled out a mask and put it over Nick’s face.



“I just want you to have a little extra O2. Now,
Nick, we are going to roll you, just let us do the work,
okay?”



Nick didn’t reply. It would be easy for them to
move him without his help, as he wasn’t able to provide any.


The EMT’s placed Nick on a three count onto the stretcher
and after they covered him up with blankets, they pulled the
stretcher up to push him out to the ambulance.



Brian watched the entire scene unfold in
disbelief. “How could this be happening to Nick. I can’t
believe that this is going on.” Brian thought to himself as
he watched Nick being loaded into the ambulance.


“Can I go with you?” Brian wanted to be with Nick
so he wouldn’t be alone and scared.



“Normally we don’t let people accompany patients,
but I guess it would be okay this time.” Katie replied.



Brian called back to Howie, “See you at the
hospital, okay?”



“Yeah.” Howie yelled back.



Brian sat on the bench in the back of the
ambulance next to Nick. The female EMT was on the phone
making contact with the hospital. Brian’s eyes met Nick’s.
He could tell by looking into Nick’s eyes how frightened he
was.



Nick tried to blink back the tears that were in
his eyes. He kept thinking over and over how the shouldn’t
be happening. It’s taken him so long to get where he is at
right now.



The ride to the hospital was fast. Brian helped
Nick out with giving the EMT the medical information she
would need to relay to the physician once they arrived at
the hospital. As they brought Nick into the room,
technicians and nurses were busily rushing around Nick doing
blood draws, setting up an IV, hooking him up to equipment.
All Nick could do was lay there and watch. He didn’t feel
anything that was going on when they touched him. It was
scaring him and it felt like the numbness had reached the
base of his neck. Each breath that he took in seemed to be
very little, if any.



Brian stood out in the lobby to wait for Jess and
the guys. Where he was standing, he could see the people
going in and out of Nick’s room.



“Hi Nick.” Dr. Gaynor came into the room and
walked over to Nick. Nick looked at the doctor when he
heard his voice. Finally, he let the fear overtake him and
started to cry.



“Nick, we’ll take care of you, don’t worry.” Dr.
Gaynor tried to reassure him.

He picked up the chart and
read the information that Brian had provided. Dr. Gaynor
bent over close to Nick. “When did this come on?”


Nick tried to answer, but couldn’t. He was
growing weaker by the minute. Dr. Gaynor glanced over at
the oxygen saturation levels, they were at 92%.



“Are you finding it hard to breathe?” Dr. Gaynor
asked Nick.



Again, Nick tried to answer, but couldn’t.



Dr. Gaynor watched Nick’s oxygen levels dip below
90%. Suddenly the warning bell went off on the machine, his
level had fallen to 85%. Dr. Gaynor barked out a medication
to be injected into the IV line stat.



Nick felt himself struggle to breathe. He was
aware of what was going on around him but couldn’t
communicate. The numbness had started to climb again into
his throat.



The nurse injected the medication into the IV
line. As soon as Nick was sedated, Dr. Gaynor took a
scalpel and made an incision into Nick’s throat. He prayed
while he was working on Nick, fearing that he would nick a
vocal cord and ruin his voice. Dr. Gaynor didn’t want to go
through the throat but in Nick’s condition at the moment, he
had no other alternative. The paralysis had overtaken the
central nervous system and was paralyzing the muscles that
helped Nick to breathe. Putting tubing down his throat
would not help him this time.



Dr. Gaynor watched the oxygen monitor levels raise
to 97 percent. Satisfied with the results, he took the
gloves off and grabbing Nick’s chart he asked if anyone had
accompanied Nick to the hospital. He wanted to find out
details of how Nick had gotten to this point.



A nurse approached Brian out in the lobby. “Dr.
Gaynor wants to speak with you. Follow me please.” The
nurse took Brian by the arm and led him towards the room
where Nick lay.



As Brian entered the room, his eyes swept the
surroundings. Dr. Gaynor stepped in front of Brian’s view
of Nick.



“Hi, I need to talk to you about Nick. I need to
know what happened up to this point. Nick wasn’t able to
talk to me and I need to fill in the gaps before I order
tests.” Dr. Gaynor said.


Brian was getting confused when the doctor said
that Nick wasn’t able to talk to the doctor. He glanced
over at the gurney that Nick was on. He couldn’t see
anything but people surrounding the bed.



“Well, we had been rehearsing this morning, and
Nick started to complain that he was tired and so we decided
to take a ten minute break. Nick said that he wanted to
stand up saying something about his foot feeling like it had
fallen asleep or something. I asked if he wanted to take a
walk and he said that sounded good to him. We only walked
about twenty feet or so and I noticed that he was having a
harder time walking, his left leg was dragging more than
usual. Before I said anything to Nick, his leg gave out
from under him and he fell. He didn’t say he was hurt, he
just laid on the floor. After a few minutes, he said that
he was going to try to get up, but then he realized he
couldn’t and asked one of us to call an ambulance because he
couldn’t feel anything. That is all I really know about
what went on.” Brian talked fast, he was scared for Nick
and nervous also.



Dr. Gaynor listened intently to Brian trying to
think of what would have caused something like this to come
on so suddenly.

“Had Nick complained about anything prior to
today?” Dr. Gaynor asked.



“No, other than it was hard for him to walk very
far and we noticed that his left leg was dragging more when
he got tired.” Brian tried to read into the doctor’s
expression on his face. He couldn’t tell what the doctor
was thinking of.



“Thanks.” Dr. Gaynor scribbled notes down in
Nick’s chart and left the room.



For the first time, Brian was able to see his
friend laying on the bed. As Brian walked closer to Nick’s
side, his heart fell when he saw the trache tube in Nick’s
throat. This was not a good sign, he remembered what Jess
had told him the first time Nick was in the hospital and how
dangerous it was to cut into his throat.



Silently, Brian prayed for his best friend. This
did not seem fair that Nick had to go through something like
this. As Brian looked at Nick, memories of the things that
they did together flooded his mind. Nick loved to do
practical jokes, he hated to see anyone sad, was a typical
comedian, always trying to make people laugh. Brian was
having a hard time understanding why this was going on now
during the best time of Nick’s life. This was surely going
to set Nick back physically not to mention emotionally.



A nurse touched Brian on the shoulder. “We need
you to go back out into the lobby and wait. The patient is
going to be taken for some tests that Dr. Gaynor ordered.
We will keep you informed.”



Reluctantly, Brian left Nick’s room. The last
image of Nick in his mind was the trache tube. Brian found
a chair in the corner of the lobby where he could quietly
reflect and pray and wait.


Jess and the guys rushed into the hospital. They
had gotten ahold of her on her cell phone and went and
picked her up. The only thing Kevin had told her was that
Nick had fallen. He did not want to go into details that
would upset Jess. He was hoping that the paralysis was a
flukey temporary thing and that once Nick got to the
hospital, he would be okay.



Howie saw Brian sitting in the corner and
instantly started walking towards him. Brian stood up when
he saw the group coming into the crowded lobby. A few
people that were sitting there stared in disbelief when they
saw the guys standing before them.



Brian hugged Jessica. “Brian, how is Nick?”



Brian just held Jessica tighter. He did not want
to have to tell her about the trache tube or that Nick was
under sedation.



“I’m not sure.” Brian avoided looking into her
eyes. He wasn’t a very good liar and he knew Jess would
figure out he was hiding something if she saw his eyes.


Someone was either pacing the floor or sitting
flipping through magazines not reading while they waited for
some type of word on Nick. Finally, after a few hours had
passed, a nurse approached Brian and told him that Dr.
Gaynor wanted to speak with him. Jess stood up and followed
Brian towards a conference room.



Dr. Gaynor walked into the room from another door
at the same time they entered.

“We did an MRI and CT scans of Nick’s spine. He
didn’t break anything when he fell down, however, the tests
brought up something that I don’t see too often. I will
have to order more tests to be certain and have a
neurologist consult with me, but it appears that Nick has
either blood clots on the spine or bleeding on the spine.
I’m not sure why and that’s why I would have to have a neuro
surgeon take a look at these results.”



Jess grabbed Brian’s arm as Dr. Gaynor spoke.
Brian and Jess sat there listening to Dr. Gaynor, both in
shock.



“Is this what is causing the paralysis?” Brian
finally asked the question that both he and Jess didn’t want
to ask.



“Yes, it is. There is alot of clotting and blood
and it is causing havoc with the central nervous system and
could start to cause things to shut down on him. The sooner
the neuro doc sees Nick, the better.”



“How could you fix or can you fix something like
this?” Brian asked.



“Let’s just wait until I have a chance to talk
with the neurosurgeon, okay? I’ll make sure you know when I
know.” Dr. Gaynor stood up and shook Brian’s hand and then
left the room.



“Why, Brian?” Jess looked at Brian. The tears
slipped down her face as she was trying to understand what
was wrong with Nick. All Brian could do was look back at
Jess and wipe the tears from his eyes.



“Did you want to go see him?” Brian asked.


“Oh, yes, do you think it will be okay?” Jess
started to stand up.



“Let’s just go.” Brian replied.



Brian led Jess down the hallway to Nick’s room in
the emergency department. He happened to be in the same
trauma room that he was in the first time he was at the
hospital. Jess grabbed Brian’s arm as they walked into the
room. She quickly focused on Nick and saw that he had a
trache tube in his neck. Jessica’s knees buckled.



“Oh my god, no!” Jess cried out.



Brian put him arm around Jess and tried to calm
her down.


“No, Brian, this isn’t supposed to be this way,
you remember what the doctor said, they wouldn’t do that to
Nick.” Jess cried.



“Jess, he didn’t have a choice, they were losing
him and they needed to do something fast. He was
suffocating.” Brian whispered into her ear.



“Oh, but Brian, if Nick can never sing again, if
it changes his voice, oh, god, I can’t even think about it.”
Jess put her hand to her mouth and choked back sobs.



“Then we won’t think about it. This won’t happen,
Nick will be one of the lucky ones, he’s been okay so far,
hasn’t he?” Brian tried to reassure Jessica.




Jess walked up to Nick. She hated the sound of
the respirator, she hated everything that was hooked up to
him. He looked peaceful. She smoothed the blond hair away
from his forehead. “Oh, Nicky, I’m so sorry.” Jessica
whispered as she touched his cheek.

Chapter Twenty-five








Jess and the guys were literally camped out in the
lobby at the hospital. They anxiously awaited any news
about Nick. It was hours ago when Dr. Gaynor talked to
Brian and Jess. Kevin had left a message for Nick’s mom and
dad to call on his cell phone, but so far they hadn’t
returned the call.


Finally, a nurse approached Brian and said that
Dr. Takagheshi would like to speak with him. Jess stood up
and walked with Brian to a conference room off the lobby.
They sat in the small room waiting for this doctor to come
in and talk to them about Nick.



A tall thin man wearing a white lab coat entered
the room. The name Dr. Takagheshi was embroidered over the
left front pocket.


Holding his hand out, he introduced himself to
Brian and Jess.



“I am Dr. Takagheshi, cheif of neurosurgery. Dr.
Gaynor requested I look in on Nick.” As the doctor sat
down, he sighed. “I looked over the results of the MRI, CT
scans that Dr. Gaynor had ordered on Nick. He has had what
appears to be clots for quite sometime, quite possibly
before the trauma of the car accident. I’m not sure what
would have caused it, more than likely he had a blow to his
back at one time or another within the last few months.”



Jess tried to think of when that would have
happend. Brian was doing the same and he suddenly recalled
when that could have happened.



“He fell offstage about three months ago and
landed on his back. He said he was fine.” Brian said.



“That could have done it. Anyway, what I will
have to do now is operate on Nick to remove the blood clots
and try to stem the bleeding that is still going on. The
clots are causing the paralysis because it is blocking the
signals from his central nervous system. We will do the
surgery and will have to keep Nick suspended in a drug like
coma for two to three days afterward to keep his body still
so that he can recover. We will know if we have prevented
premanent damage once he is out of the coma. I won’t lie to
you, time is against Nick right now, the longer we wait, the
worse he could be, these clots are pressing on nerves and
could permanentally damage them. Nick will be prepped for
surgery within the hour. Are there any questions?”



“How long will the surgery take?” Jess asked
quietly.




“Anywhere from five to ten hours, I’m not sure.
This is something that can’t be rushed into. Anytime you
are dealing with the spinal cord, you have to be extremely
cautious and delicate. I would guess if Nick is done within
eight hours, we would be doing great. I’ll see you in
awhile.” Dr. Takaghesi stood up, shook Brian’s hand and
patted Jess on the shoulder.



After the doctor walked out of the room, Jess
burst into tears. Brian hugged her to comfort her. They
walked slowly out of the room and into the lobby to tell the
guys what was going on. AJ’s reaction to the news was more
of a violent one, as he slammed his fist down on the table.
Howie and Kevin appeared to be as shocked as Brian and Jess.



“This isn’t goddamn fair.” AJ spoke bitterly. AJ
usually didn’t swear like that in front of Brian but he was
so upset that he wasn’t thinking about anything but the
unfairness of the whole situation.



Jess put her arm around AJ. AJ slowly started to
relax. Kevin and Howie just looked shocked. They felt like
everything was starting to fall apart around them and they
didn’t have any control over the situation.



The group decided to go to the cafeteria for
coffee while they waited. They knew that this was going to
be a long day for them, not to mention Nick. Each of them
were secretly praying for Nick but on the same hand also
praying that the news of this would not spread out to the
media again.



As they walked down the hallway towards the
cafeteria past people, there were quite of few strangers
that recognized them. The guys just kept walking and
talking like there was nothing amiss. Jess was in the
center of the group and just walked along with them, not
speaking.



They found a booth in the back of the cafeteria
and sat down. Some people were intentionally walking
towards the back of the room to look at them sitting there.
It didn’t take too long before they were approached by two
teenaged girls holding pieces of paper and a pen.


“Um, could we get your autographs, please?” The
girl that appeared to be older than the other one spoke
nervously.



The guys looked at each other. Brian had a sly
smile play across his face.



“Sure, Jess, you sign first.” Brian said as he
took the piece of paper and the pen.



“Me? Why me? They don’t want my autograph.” Jess
looked at Brian like he had brain damage.



“Oh, we don’t mind, I mean, after all, she is with
you guys so she must be someone important, right?” The
older girl spoke up, again nervous.


“Yeah, she is important.” Brian smiled.



“Who are you, are you a girlfriend or something?”
The younger girl asked.



“Yes she is.” Brian, AJ, Kevin and Howie said
together.



“Comeon guys, stop it.” Jess was started to get
embarrassed.



As Jess signed her name on the piece of paper a
girl put it together who she was.



“Ohmygod, you’re Nick Carter’s girlfriend, aren’t
you?” The older teen spoke out, almost too loudly.



The guys instantly hushed her to be quiet, they
didn’t want a crowd to come over.



“If you’re here, where’s Nick?” The younger girl
demanded.



“He’s busy right now.” Kevin answered.


The guys passed the paper around quickly to get
the girls away from the table. They didn’t want to answer
anymore questions.



“He’s not back here is he? Oh, god, I hope not.”
The older girl asked.



“Thanks ladies.” Brian handed the paper and pen
back to the girls.



“Is Nick here?” The girl persisted.



“I said thanks.” Brian did not want to answer the
question.




“He is, isn’t he?” They kept waiting for an
answer from the group.



“Hey, we signed the paper, isn’t that enough?” AJ
was getting annoyed.



The girls turned and left. AJ can be intimidating
when he wanted to be.



It wasn’t ten minutes when a another cluster of
girls appeared at the booth. This group was accompanied by
an adult.



“We don’t mean to bother you, but could you give
these girls an autograph, please?” The man asked polietly.



AJ held his hand out. He didn’t say a word to
them, he was starting to get stressed and was afraid if he
spoke he would say something he would regret later. The
guys didn’t say anything to the group of girls, they just
wrote their names very quickly and passed the paper onto the
next person.



“Where’s Nick?” A girl asked in the group. “I
thought he was out of the hospital.”



The adult came to the rescue before anyone in the
group had a chance to respond. “If he isn’t here with them,
then he must be here someplace else. I’m sure he’s okay and
it’s none of our business where he is so just leave it at
that girls.”


The guys smiled at the adult and said thank you to
him. The girls were obviously disappointed that they didn’t
find out where Nick was, but were thrilled to have
autographs.



Kevin leaned close to the table. “Man, do you
think we could find a place where we won’t be bugged so
much?”



“I don’t know, we’ve been here for about ten
minutes and have been interrupted twice. I don’t like
that.” AJ replied. “You know that the media will be
finding out about this soon.”



“Let’s hope not.” Jess said quietly back. “That
will mean security guarding the door and the whole bit.”



“Let’s see, Nick has been in surgery only an hour
and a half, he could be there for another three and a half
or more, there aren’t too many places to be at right now.”
Brian said.



A nurse approached the table. “Hi, my name is
Lynnette and I’m work on the pediatrics floor. I couldn’t
help but notice you guys, aren’t you the Backstreet Boys?”



“Yeah.” AJ replied quickly.



“Would you ever been interested in coming up to
the pediatrics floor and visiting with some patients some
time? It would really brighten their day, especially the
kids that are sick with cancer.” The nurse asked quietly.



“Yeah, sure sometime maybe.” AJ answered.


“Thanks, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bother you.”
The nurse turned away and left.



“AJ, I think you came across kinda short to her.”
Jess put her arm around AJ. “Soften up.”



“I’m sorry, but I hate getting bugged at a time
like this. Everybody wants something all the time, we get
no privacy anytime.” AJ appologized.



“Yeah, but AJ, if people stopped bugging you guys,
you would be out of a job because they wouldn’t be listening
to you anymore, would they?” Jess pointed out. “We’ve got
over three hours to kill before Nick is even possibly out of
surgery, don’t you think it would be nice to do something
like this for the kids?”



The guys looked at one another. They seemed to be
hesitant about doing it.



“Comeon, guys, it’s for the kids.” Jess insisted.



“Alright, I guess it would be fun to do it.” AJ
answered, much to the shock of the rest of them.



“Great, then I will go over to that nurse and tell
her for you guys, okay?” Jess asked.



The guys nodded and watched Jess walk across the
room to the nurse that had spoken to them.


“Hi, Lynnette? I’m Jess and I’m sorry that AJ
seemed to be short with you, but he has alot on his mind
right now and he can be a little intense.”



“Oh, that’s okay, I understand, I guess.” Lynette
smiled at Jess. The other nurses kept eating while Jess
stood there.



“Anyway, I talked to them and they agreed to come
up to the pediatrics floor and visit the kids if you would
still want them to. We are going to be here for a little
while and I told them it would be a great thing to do.”



“Oh, that would be great. When can they come up?”
Lynette asked.


“When you’re done with your lunch, I guess.” Jess
answered.


“Okay, then I’ll come over to your table when I’m
ready and then I can take you there.” The nurse smiled.



“Okay.” Jess said and turned to go back to sit
down with the guys.



“The nurse will come over here when she’s done
with lunch.” Jess informed the guys as she sat down.



As Jess was talking, Kevin pulled up his pager and
looked at the message. “Nick’s parents must have finally
got my message, excuse me, I gotta find a phone to call
them.” Kevin started to slide over and Brian stood up to
let him out.



“I wonder if his mom and dad will come back from
California with the kids when they find out what’s happened.
Aaron is starting his touring and they decided it would be a
fun summer vacation to go as family.” Jess wondered
outloud.



“I don’t know what they’ll do.” Howie spoke
quietly.



Kevin was gone for a few minutes and came back
into the cafeteria. He was hard not to notice and there
were a few heads that turned to see where he was going.



“I talked to Bob and told him what had happened.
They are in San Diego right now. I told him to wait until
Nick comes out of surgery before they decide what to do.”
Kevin said as he sat down next to Brian.


The nurse again approached the booth, but this
time she had some of her friends with her.


“Are you ready to come with me?” She asked.



Brian and AJ lifted their cups and finished off
their coffee. They all moved out of the booth and followed
the nurse out of the cafeteria.



The guys knew that this was an important thing to
do for the kids, but they were nervous about doing something
like this. They got on a staff elevator with the nurses
and, of course, the elevator stopped at every floor to let
hospital staff and some patients on and off.



The time on the pediatrics floor went by quickly.
The kids were suprized and happy to see the Backstreet Boys.
A few of the kids asked where Nick was. Jess thought it
would be a good idea to tell them that he was sick and the
doctors were taking care of him.



Brian finally suggested to the group that they
should be going. It was getting close for the time that
Nick should be out of surgery.



The nurses asked them if they could take a picture
of the guys with some of the patients with them to put on
the wall in the hallway. Kids and nurses gathered with the
guys and Jess agreed to take the picture.



“Thank you, you guys have made their day.” All of
the nurses spoke to them in unison.



The guys replied by saying thanks and waiving.
Jess walked out with them to the elevator.



“See, now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Jess
asked.



“It was okay, I guess, a little sad though.”
Brian said.


“Yeah, but you made someone’s day and that is
something that no one could ever take away from them.” Jess
reminded them.

Chapter Twenty-Six








Nick ended up being in surgery for over eight
hours. Dr. Takaghishi told them that he thought the surgery
was successful and felt that Nick will be on his way towards
a full recovery and should be back to his old self within
six months. He seemed to have been very confident that the
paralysis would be only temporary and that the blood clots
did not cause any permanent damage.



Jess and Brian went into the neuro ICU room that
Nick was in. He laid there with all the equipment
surrounding him and looked so small. Jess reached over and
smoothed Nick’s hair away from his forehead. The respirator
kept it’s steady hissing sound as it was pumping oxygen into
Nick’s lungs. The doctor told them that he would have to be
on it until after he was out of the suspended coma that they
were keeping Nick in for two more days. Once he awoke and
they knew that he had regained feeling, they would be able
to take him off the respirator.



“Nick has never done anything in his life very
easily, has he?” Jess asked Brian.



“I don’t know about that, but lately he’s proven
that he takes the hard road on everything.” Brian quietly
spoke back.



“I want him to wake up so bad and to know that
he’s okay.” Jess spoke with her voice breaking.



Brian put his arm around her. “He’ll be fine, you
heard the doc.”



“Yeah, I heard him, but I’m still worried about
his voice with this tubing stuff. I pray to God that
everything will be okay.”


“Jess, he’ll be okay, don’t think about anything
else like that. You know the doctor was very cautious when
he did that. Besides, if he didn’t do that, we would be at
a funeral home instead of a hospital right now.” Brian
replied.



“I guess I didn’t really think about that that
way.” Jess touched Nick on the cheek.



“I’m gonna go back out so one of the guys can come
in and see Nick.” Brian touched Nick on the shoulder before
he turned to leave.



AJ walked into the room and stood next to Jess.
He didn’t say anything but looked at the respirator and
listened to it’s sickly rhythmn. Jess glanced over at AJ
and could see tears in his eyes.



AJ finally touched Nick’s arm and rubbed it.
“Kid, you’re putting us through hell right now. I’ve got a
few things to say to you when you wake up.”



AJ hugged Jess and left the room. She could tell
how broken up and upset he was about the whole thing. Jess
was sure that he was just as concerned as she was about the
tubing in Nick’s throat and how it could effect his voice
forever.



Kevin came into the room and hugged Jessica. He
too didn’t speak at first, he spent the time absorbing the
surroundings with the machines and all the tubes going in
and out of Nick. Kevin hated the noise of the respirator.
He hated everything it stood for.



“Hey Nicky, you keep fighting this and get
better.” Kevin took ahold of Nick’s hand and squeezed it.



Kevin hugged Jess and left the room so Howie could
come in. When Howie came in, Jess could sense how nervous
he was. He looked at Nick and turned away.


“I’m sorry, I’m not good at this.” Howie walked
quickly out of the room. He was upset when he saw Nick on
the respirator and he didn’t want Jess to see him lose
composure.



Brian came back into the room again.



“Jess, let us give you a ride home. Nick will be
out of it and he doesn’t know you’re here. You should come
with me and we’ll come back later today or early tomorrow.
Nick’s dad is flying in sometime this afternoon so we will
probably be back here in awhile anyway.”



“Brian, you know how I hate to leave Nicky alone.”
Jess stroked Nick’s hair.



“Yeah, but Nick is out of it at the moment and he
won’t be awake for a few days. He would be mad if he knew
you were hanging around here.” Brian tried to reason with
Jess.



“Well, what if his dad comes here and no one is
around, wouldn’t that look like we don’t care?” Jess asked.


“No, I’m sure that Nick’s dad knows that you have
been constantly taking the best care that you can for Nick.
He would understand why you aren’t there and would call you,
now comeon.” Brian urged Jess to say goodbye to Nick and
leave.



“Um, I guess. Nick, I’ll be back later.” Jess
kissed Nick on the forehead.

Chapter Twenty-Seven







Jess hurried to the hospital. The doctors had
told her last night that they were weaning Nick off of the
medication that was keeping him sedated. She was anxious to
find out how the surgery took and wanted to be there when
Nick woke up since he would be scared having the tube in his
throat and not being able to talk.



Jess was relieved when she walked into Nick’s room
to find that he was still sleeping and hadn’t woke up yet.
The respirator was still keeping it’s noisy vigil making the
hissing noise as it filled Nick’s lungs with oxygen. A
heart monitor made pinging noises with every heartbeat.
Jessica took a chair beside the bed and took Nick’s hand and
held it.



After sitting next to him for about an hour, she
felt him move his fingers. She looked at his face and saw
his eyelids flutter open. His eyes had fear in them as he
looked wildly about the room.


“Nick, it’s okay, I’m here.” Jess stood up so
that Nick would see her face.



Nick grabbed at the tubing in his throat. Jess
took his hands away from it.



“Let me call the doctor, don’t do anything with
that tube, you could hurt yourself.” Jess tried to calm him
down. She pushed the call button and within seconds a nurse
appeared in the room. She saw that Nick was awake and did
an about face and came back in with a resident physician.



“Okay, take it easy there, Nick. Don’t fight the
tube please.” The resident physician talked in a soothing
voice to try to calm Nick down.



Nick looked scared. He couldn’t remember how he
got here or what had happened to him. He tried to think of
what had happened but was drawing a blank.



“Nick, I need to know if you can move your arms.
Can you do that for me?” The doctor asked Nick.



Nick thought the question was sort of odd, but he
did what the doctor had asked and raised both arms up in
front of him.



The doctor, satisfied with Nick moving his arms
asked the nurse for a medication to be injected into the IV.
The nurse left and returned quickly with a syringe.



“Okay Nick, just relax.” The doctor said as the
nurse injected the medication into the IV. As soon as she
started, Nick’s body went limp as he slipped back into
unconsciousness.


“We needed to sedate him before we took the trache
out. We will have to suture the wound closed.” The doctor
told Jess as he slipped on gloves.



Jess stayed away from the bed as the doctor and
nurse worked on Nick to remove the trache and sew the hole
shut. Once they were done, the nurse told Jess that he
should be coming out of the sedation anytime soon. He’d be
a little groggy but otherwise would be fine.



Jess sat down next to the bed and looked over at
Nick. He appeared to be resting comfortablly. His throat
had a large white bandage covering where the tube had been
inserted. It was good not to hear the hissing of the
respirator. When they took the tube out of Nick’s throat,
she heard him make a gasping sound, which she thought was
normal because the doctor and nurse didn’t react to it.



It took about a half an hour before Nick started
to wake up. His eyes fluttered open and he looked around
the room.



“Hey, how are you feeling?” Jess asked Nick
quietly.



Nick looked over at Jess. His eyes darted back
and forth as if they were searching for something.



“You’re back at Tampa Hospital. You had to have
emergency surgery, you don’t remember what happened?” Jess
asked Nick.



Nick’s only response was a puzzled look on his
face and he frowned.



“You had fallen and then couldn’t move and they
did some tests and found that you had some blood clots on
your spine. They figured it may have come from a fall that
you had before the car accident. Brian said that a couple
of months ago you had fallen off stage and landed on your
back. They think that’s what caused the clots. They had to
do surgery to remove the clots. You have been out of it for
about three days.” Jess quietly and slowly recapped what
had happened to Nick. He listened intently.


Nick opened his mouth to speak but nothing came
out. He tried again, still nothing.



“Nick, it may take a little while before you
should try to talk, they had to do a trache on you and it
was just taken out less than an hour ago.” Jess tried not
to look worried.



Nick, on the other hand, was scared to death. He
knew what it meant when they do traches and how it could
damage a person’s voice by altering it completely. All he
could think about was that he would be finished as a singer,
he would never be able to sing again.



“Nick, Dr. Gaynor didn’t have a choice, he had to
do it. If he hadn’t of, you would not be here right now.
You were suffocating and he had to help you immediately.
You were paralyzed from the base of your neck down. The
muscles you use to breathe were not functioning.” Jess
tried to explain why this had happened, but Nick did not
seem to care, if he couldn’t sing what would be the point of
living.



Brian walked into the room with a smile on his
face. “Hey Nicky, buddy, good to see you awake. How ya
doing?” Brian patted Nick on the head. Nick always hated
when Brian did that.



Nick smiled weakly at Brian and rolled his eyes.



“They just took the tubing out of his throat about
an hour ago.” Jess explained.



“Oh, I see, that’s good.” Brian wanted to ask if
there was any indication as to whether or not the surgery
was a success, but didn’t know if it was a good thing to
bring up.



Dr. Takaghishi walked in with Nick’s chart in his
hands.


“Good morning, I heard that you were awake. I
have been waiting.” The doctor spoke as he was looking over
Nick’s chart. He set the chart on the bedstand and walked
over to Nick. He checked Nick’s eyes, listened to his chest
and then started to ask Nick questions that Jess and Brian
were waiting for.



“Nick, I want you to squeeze my hands.” The
doctor ordered Nick. Nick responded to the doctor’s
satisfaction. “Now I want you to wiggle your right foot.”
The doctor made that request after he pulled the blankets
off of Nick’s legs. Nick frowned as he tried to move his
foot. After what seemed like minutes but was only a few
moments, his right foot moved back and forth.



“Great, now do the same thing with your left
foot.”



Jess and Brian held their breath when the doctor
asked Nick to move his left foot. That was the leg that had
been giving him so many problems after the accident.



Nick concentraited very hard on moving this foot.
It wasn’t responding as quickly as his right foot and it
moved ever so slightly. If you hadn’t been looking for it,
you wouldn’t have noticed it.



“Very good.” The doctor did not like seeing that
Nick had limited movement in his left foot. He asked Nick
to hold out his left arm palmside up. When Nick complied,
the doctor put his hand on Nick’s arm and asked him to push
up against it.



Nick struggled to move the doctor’s arm without
success. His arm didn’t have the strength to move the
doctor’s arm at all. Nick was suprised when nothing
happened.



Jess and Brian both felt their hearts sink. This
did not look good at all. They both hoped that this was
only temporary and waited for the doctor to say something
after he finished writing in Nick’s chart.



“You’re doing good, Nick. There seems to be a
little weakness in your left side right now, but that was
the side that was affected before the surgery. I wouldn’t
worry over it just yet.” The doctor said.



“What about the trache, when we he be able to
speak?” Jess decided to go ahead and ask, she was sure that
Nick was thinking the same question.


“That too will take some time, again, I wouldn’t
worry over that just yet either.” The doctor smiled.



It wasn’t what they wanted to hear, they wanted
time, a date, sometype of guideline to go by to know when he
wasn’t meeting the medical goals.



“I’m sorry, it’s the best I can tell you right
now. Just get some rest Nick, this is what it will take,
time and rest.”



The doctor left the room. Nick wanted so
desperately to talk, he was frustrated that he couldn’t
communicate with anyone yet.



“I know, buddy, I know.” Brian tried to reassure
Nick.



Nick couldn’t help but let the tears that were
building in his eyes slip down his cheeks.



“Aw, Nick.” Jess wiped the tears away. “It’s got
to get better, it has to get better, don’t think of anything
else but that.”



“Yeah, Jess is right Nick. It’s easy to say from
our standpoint, but it really will get better.” Brian said.



Nick closed his eyes out of frustration. He
couldn’t talk, he couldn’t walk, he wanted to be left alone.


“Nick, would you like the radio on or television?”
Jess was hoping that this would take his mind off his
problems.



Nick opened his eyes. Jess had to repeat the
options so Nick could nod his head yes or no. He settled
for the radio. As Brian turned it on for him, he chuckled
when Britney Spears came on.


“Ya still want it on, Nick?” Brian smiled.



Nick gave a half smile back at Brian. He was
getting tired and could of really cared less at the moment
if it was Britney Spears, Cher or Madonna.



“Okay, we’ll go away for a little bit and let you
rest.” Jess kissed Nick goodbye.


After Brian and Jess left the room, Nick closed
his eyes and let his thoughts wander. He thought about what
had happened in the past few months. He remembered when he
was onstage at Orlando Arena and misstepped and fell
backwards and landed on his back. The pain when he fell
shot down to both feet. He told the guys he was okay after
he laid there in shock for a few moments, but things never
really did feel quite right. He remembered for the first
time since the accident, the fight he and Jess had and him
getting into his corvette to just go out and be away from
everyone. He remembered seeing a blue pickup truck go
through a red light and the squeal of his breaks when he
literally stood up on them.



All of the things that had happened in the last
six weeks were not good things. It would seem as if the bad
stuff should be ending anytime soon. Nick’s thoughts
switched when he heard the song Backstreet’s Back being
played on the radio. The lyrics being sung almost laughed
back at him. Nick never really listened to himself sing
before, now the voice was haunting him.



Nick opened his eyes. Maybe if I concentrate hard
enough, I can say something. Nick wanted this all to be a
dream. He opened his mouth and tried to speak. The only
sound that came out was a gasping garbling sound. It was
very faint. It hurt his throat when he made that noise.
Nick decided maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to try to
speak, he was afraid if he did get his voice back he could
run the risk of damaging the vocal cords by straining them.



Nick closed his eyes again and drifted off to
sleep. It was safer in his dreams, there was no accident
and their wasn’t any injuries.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Nick woke up when he heard Dr. Takaghishi enter
the room. It had been almost two days since he had been out
of the coma and had the trache removed from his neck.
Still, Nick was afraid to try to talk, so he still didn’t
know if he could.



“Good morning, Nick. How are your feeling today?”
The doctor smiled at Nick waiting for a reply.



Nick smiled back at the doctor. He didn’t make a
sound or even make an attempt to reply.



“Nick, have you tried to talk yet?” The doctor
asked.



Nick shook his head no. He had a pencil and paper
on his nightstand and quickly wrote down the words “scared
to.”



“I can understand why you’d be afraid, but you can
try so we know if everything is okay. You won’t hurt
anything if you talk now. It was good that you didn’t try
to a few days ago, but everything should be healed up by
now. Try saying the word hi.” The doctor instisted that
Nick speak.



Nick opened his mouth to speak. At first air just
came out. Nick cleared his throat and tried again. “Hi.”
The word came out sounding like he had a severe sore throat.
The clarity wasn’t there either. If you didn’t know the
word he was saying, you would never know.



“Good. I think we can have a speech therapist
come in today and work with you. Just keep trying to talk,
it’s only going to get better, the muscles are still tight
from you not talking for a few days.” Dr. Takaghishi wrote
something down in Nick’s chart. “And I’m going to have you
taken off of the IV today too. I’ll see you again
tomorrow.”



Nick smiled. The doctor stopped at the door and
turned back towards Nick.


“I said I’ll see you tomorrow.” He was waiting
for Nick to say something back.



“Bye.” Nick replied, it was again faint and
hoarse.



“Remember to talk.” The doctor left the room.



Nick hated the sound of his voice right now. It
was hoarse, like after you have a bad cold or a sore throat.
The thoughts that ran through his mind was what if this was
the way he would sound for the rest of his life. It scared
him to think of not being able to sing. It scared him even
more to think that he could be left with a voice that would
make people cringe when he spoke. Nick could start to feel
the gloomy depression he was fighting slowly taking over
again.



Nick looked around his hospital room in ICU. He
was sick of the stale air, the machines, the tests. He was
beginning to wonder if he would ever be the same again. He
was tired of being dependent upon people to do things.



“Hi Nick, I’m Stacie and this is Nick from P.T.
We are here to get you out of that bed and sitting in a
chair today. I know you haven’t been out of the bed yet,
have you?” The therapist was a petite girl with waist
length blonde hair that was pulled back in a pony tail.



Nick shook his head no. He knew he was supposed
to try to talk but he wasn’t happy with his voice at the
moment.



“Okay, Nick, lets put your bed up so that you are
sitting up more. We’ll go slow, let me know if you start to
feel woozy, okay?” The male therapist talked to Nick as he
started to raise the head of the bed up.



Nick raised his hand up to get them to stop. He
was feeling dizzy.


“Are you okay?” Stacie asked.



Nick wanted to say wait a few minutes but opted to
just shrug his shoulders.



“What’s wrong?” Stacie asked.


Nick wished she’d ask yes or no type questions.
He shrugged his shoulders again.



“Are you ready to try again?” Stacie asked
cheerfully.



Finally, Nick thought, a yes or no question. Nick
nodded his head in agreement.


As they were moving the bed up again, Nick’s nurse
came into the room.



“I’m going to borrow his left hand for a sec, we
get to take the IV out,” she stated as she was shutting off
the IV pump.



“Good, eh Nick, one less thing to deal with.”
Stacie said happily.



Nick just smiled.



After the nurse finished pulling the IV out and
putting a band-aid on his hand, she asked Nick what his pain
level was.



Nick shook his head no. He was a little sore and
could have used something, but he didn’t want to speak.



“What’s with this?” The nurse imitated Nick’s
shaking his head. “I asked you a question and you’re
supposed to answer. Has he spoke to you guys yet? The
nurse asked the therapists as if Nick wasn’t in the room.



“No, not a word.” Stacie replied.



“He is to be talking, doctors orders. Now, how
about the pain level, Nick.” The nurse waited for an
answer.


Nick tried to say the word six but just hoarseness
came out. He tried to clear his throat and say it again.
This time it came out very faintly.



“Would you like something then?” The nurse asked,
“and answer, don’t nod.”



God, how I hate this woman right now, Nick was
thinking. “Ea” was all of the word yeah that Nick was able
to say. What came out didn’t sound as clearly as it should
have.



“Okay, I’ll be back. Remember to talk.”



Nick watched his nurse leave. He really hated her
insistance on him talking.


“Alright Nick, let’s have you try and sit on the
edge of the bed. Use the rails if you need to help yourself
move.” Stacie said.



Nick struggled to move his legs over to the side
of the bed. They felt so heavy. Finally after what seemed
like an eternity, he was sitting up with his legs hanging
over the side of the bed. He started to feel faint.



“Here, take a sip of your water.” Stacie ordered
him.



Nick took a sip from the straw. The nurse came
back into the room with Nick’s pain pills.



“Doesn’t it feel good to sit up Nick?” the nurse
asked.



Nick cleared his throat. He hoped she would
accept that as an attempt to answer her. It wasn’t.



“Well, isn’t it?” She waited for an answer.



Nick wanted to shout, God I hate you Mary to his
nurse but managed to say a quiet “yes.”



“How are you feeling?” Stacie asked Nick after
Mary left the room.


Nick tried to answer saying “okay” but what came
out wasn’t anything the therapist understood.



“I’m sorry, did you say alright?” She was
guessing.



Nick nodded, it was close enough for him.



“Okay, do you think you’re ready to stand? I’ll
have Nick put the walker in front of you. Now remember to
use your legs and the bed for balance and not the walker,
okay?” Stacie wanted to make sure Nick understood.



Nick nodded. He waited until a therapist was on
either side of him. Nick remembered the routine from the
last time he was in the hospital.



As he slowly stood up, he noticed how his legs
were shakey. Both therapists had grabbed one of his arms to
keep him from falling.



“Easy there. Are you still doing okay?” Stacie
turned to face Nick when she asked the question.



Again, as Nick answered, the word didn’t sound
right.



Evidentally, Stacie thought Nick said no.



“Okay, we’ll have you sit back down then. We’ll
try to have you take a few steps later today.” Stacie
stayed by Nick as he was sitting back in bed. Before he
could turn and get himself into position to lay down, an
orderly appeared in the room with a wheelchair.



“I’m here to take you to speech therapy.”


Nick wasn’t sure he wanted to go there. He was
scared that his voice would never get better.



The orderly brought the wheelchair over to the
bed.



Stacie asked Nick if he would want help
transferring from the bed to the chair.



This is one thing I know I can do, Nick thought to
himself.



Nick used his upper body to get off the bed and
into the chair.



“That was pretty good Nick, but remember next time
to try and use your legs.” Stacie observed. “I’ll be back
in the afternoon to have you take a few steps. See you
then.”


Nick was thankful that Stacie didn’t wait for a
reply from him.



“Okay, are you ready to go?” The orderly asked
Nick.



Nick nodded. He did not want to go but he knew
that he had no other choice. He was scared. His whole life
was his voice, without that he would be nobody, he let his
thoughts drift towards all of the negative things that would
be if his singing was taken away from him.



“When you are done with speech, you will be going
to a regular room instead of ICU. I don’t know if they told
you that.” The orderly made small talk while they were in
the elevator.



Nick kept his eyes focused on the floor. He did
not want to make small talk with anyone. The elevator
seemed to take forever to get to the sixth floor. Worse
yet, when they got to the therapy room, the orderly parked
the wheelchair and told him it would be a few minutes before
the therapist would be over to see him.


“Great, here I sit with everyone walking by me and
staring at me,” Nick thought to himself. He prayed that no
one would come up and talk to him. His worse fears were
realized when a young girl in her teens boldly approached
him.



“Excuse me, are you Nick Carter?” She looked down
at Nick when she asked him.



Nick wouldn’t and couldn’t talk to this girl. He
shook his head no and put his hand up to his throat.



“What, you can’t talk? Oh my god, no, please tell
me it isn’t true.” The girl looked upset. This was not
what Nick had in mind, he was hoping she would think he
meant no. Desperately, he tried to think of a way out of
the situation. He motioned that he needed something to
write on and a pencil.



The girl had a piece of paper and a pen. Nick
hastily scribbled on the paper: No, sorry, you must have me
confused with someone else.



As Nick handed the paper back to the girl to read,
the speech therapist picked the worst time possible to come
to Nick.



“Hi Nick, are you ready to get started?”



The girl’s mouth dropped open. “You are Nick
Carter. Oh my god, what happened?”



Nick couldn’t speak on his behalf, he shrugged his
shoulders. Thankfully, the therapist turned the wheelchair
to take Nick to the room.


“What happened?” The girl still was waiting for
an answer.



“I’m sorry, but it is a policy not to discuss
patient’s records with strangers.” The therapist finally
stepped in and responded to the girl.



Nick prayed that this was the farthest this would
carry. All he needed was for this to get out to the media.
They would have a field day with that.



“Okay, Nick, I want to see what range your voice
is left with right now. Can you say the letter a?”



Nick looked at the woman’s hospital identification
tag. Her name was Jane. It instantly made him think of his
mother.


Nick tried to say “aye” but all that would come
out was something that sounded like it came from an animal.
It was low and gutteral.



“Can you clear your throat?” Jane asked him.



Nick nodded and cleared his throat, even that
didn’t sound normal or natural.



“Try saying the letter a again but this time, try
saying it softly, almost a whisper.” Jane encouraged.



“Aye.” Nick almost couldn’t hear himself, but he
thought what he heard was what he wanted to say.



“Very good, Nick. Now say the letter b.” Jane
wrote something down in the chart. “Do it softly again as
before.”



Nick licked his lips as if he was attempting to
climb a mountain. “Bee.” Again, it was very soft, but it
was clear.



After spending thirty minutes with Jane working on
his speech, Nick found that he could say short sentences as
long as he spoke just barely whispering.



“Okay, Nick, I want you to keep talking like we
are practicing, your range will improve once your muscles
get stronger. It’s just best to talk the way you are right
now, your voice has had a trauma and it will take time to
heal.” Jane tried to encourage Nick.


“Okay, thanks.” Nick replied. It was very soft,
almost too soft, but at least he could say something back
for a change.



“We’ll try something new tomorrow. Okay?”



“Okay.” Nick smiled. He was praying that
tomorrow he would be able to speak up louder and clearer.