Hear me
Hear me

You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting

Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And hopin my dreams bring you close to me
Are you listening?


"Please Jenn..." Sara whined, "It's my 21st Birthday, you HAVE to take me out!"

Jenn turned around with a frown on her face, "It's not your birthday, not anymore anyways."

Both stood there in silence, not sure what to say. Sara let out a deep sigh, "We can't hide forever Jenn, we are supposed to act like normal people. Lets just go out to dinner then, no Birthday stuff, please."

Jenn knew that she was being unfair, but the unsafe feeling that devoured her daily was not dissipating as time wore on as she had hoped. It had been over a year, but it still felt like it happened yesterday. She shook the thoughts out of her head and gave Sara a nod.

"You're right, I'm sorry lets go out tonight...AND...we will celebrate your birthday. You deserve it, hell WE deserve it."

Sara let out a squeal and wrapped Jenn in a big hug. "This will be so much fun, just like old times." Sara said with a smile. "OH GOD, I have to find something to wear!" She quickly ran off to her room to get ready.

Jenn leaned back against the counter and set down the towel that she had been drying dishes with. "Yeah, just like old times..."

****

*Just over a year ago*

It was late in the afternoon and Jenn had just gotten out of her final class for the day. She was in her final year of graduate school, studying to be a photographer. Opening the door to her and Sara's apartment, she dropped her books on the coffee table.

Sara, Jenn's roommate, was due home within the next hour. Sara was in her 2nd year of college, studying to be an actress. She had been in a few commercials as a teen, and was bit by the acting bug.

Jenn and Sara were childhood friends, growing up on the same block. When Jenn graduated High School, she headed to NYC for college. Once Sara graduated, within one week she was moving into Jenn's apartment and registering for classes at NYU.

For the past year, Jenn had been dating one of her co-workers. Jason was working as a cook at the TGI Friday's Jenn was a waitress at. Jason soon introduced Sara to his friend Mark, and the two hit if off immediately.

Tonight, Jenn and Sara made plans to surprise them with a wonderful evening. Once Sara got home they planned on going to Jason's place to begin their night on the town.

Neither of them were expecting to wind up in the police station two hours later, as witnesses to a murder. A murder by the hands of Jason and Mark.

****

*Present Day*

"...So by next week I have to do a 20 minute Monologue about a lesbian." Sara said as she stirred her drink with her straw.

Jenn couldn't help but laugh, "Now THAT'S entertainment!"

"Oh hush." Sara quickly followed, "OK...it IS kinda funny."

Jenn subconsciously tugged on the ever present scarf that was fashionably wrapped around her neck. A loud cheering was heard from one of the private rooms. "I wonder what's going on in there..." She wondered out loud.

Sara sadly watched as Jenn fidgeted with the scarf. Reaching across the table she grasped Jenn's hand. "You don't always have to wear that you know."

Jenn lifted her eyes to meet Sara's. "Yes Sara, I do..." She said softly. "Can we please not have this conversation again."

"I just worry about you..."

"You don't need to worry about me, I need to be worrying about you..."

"Don't start that shit Jenn. Just because you're older doesn't mean you need to be responsible for me. I just turned 21, I'm not the naive teenager I once was." Sara was trying to keep her voice low, but it was beginning to rise.

"Can we just drop this, we are here to celebrate, not have the same argument we have every day. Please..." Jenn asked biting her bottom lip.

Sara let out a sigh, "Fine, so umm...what are you gonna order to eat?" Sara began to read over her menu again.

Thirty minutes later they were nearly done with their meals. Conversation was minimal, but the tension between the two had decreased.

"This was a great place Sar, we should try to make this like a weekly thing." Jenn suggested as she removed the napkin from her lap.

Sara couldn't help but to smile at this. "I think that's a great idea."

Jenn slowly began to stand up, "I'll be right back, need to use the facilities."

"Hurry back!" Sara said as she skimmed over the desert menu.

Jenn quickly made her way to the restroom and stopped at the mirror. Placing her hands flat on the counter and looking down, she took in a shaky breath. Her mind was swimming. There were too many emotions running through her, and it was almost too much.

"You have to be strong." She said, looking up at her reflection. After a few moments of just staring she realized she needed to get back out to her friend. Pushing away from the counter, she headed for the door.

She hadn't even gone one step before someone came crashing into her, sending her to the ground.

"OH GOD! I'm so sorry!" The man quickly said as he reached down to help her up.

Jenn was startled to say the least, she felt herself beginning to shake a bit. Grasping his hand, she allowed him to help her up. "I...it's ok." She said looking up to his face. His eyes had captivated her almost immediately, but she shook her head to break the gaze.

His eyes were now beginning to search her for any injuries, "No, it's not ok. I can't believe I ran into you like that. Are you ok...umm?"

Jenn felt the blush coming to her cheeks from the attention he was giving her. No man had looked her over this hard since... "Jenn, my name is Jenn. And yes, I'm fine. Maybe a little bruised, but that's no biggie." Then she noticed that he still had a firm grip on her hand, and she couldn't help but feel her heartbeat quicken.

He kept his grip on her hand and a smile came across his face. "Well I'm Kevin." He began to shake her hand, then finally allowed himself to let go of her. "Are you here with someone?"

"Um, yeah. Actually with my sister Sara. She's probably worried about me by now. So I should probably get back to her."

Kevin shifted his feet a bit. "I still feel really bad for knockin you to the ground like that. So how about I treat you and your sister to a cocktail, or even desert. We're kind having a birthday party for some friends in the room over there. I won't take no for an answer either." He finished with a smile.

"You really don't have to, we are actually here celebrating her 21st birthday today. I really need to get back to the table so we can order desert." Jenn said trying to turn in the direction to get back to her table. She was stopped when Kevin gently grabbed her shoulder.

"Even more the reason to join us. We have this huge cake, and..." Kevin was suddenly interrupted when a lively brunette came running from around the corner.

"JENN!!! God, I was worried, are you..." Sara stopped dead in her sentence when her eyes landed on the man that was next to her friend. "Why HEELLLOOOO there." Sara quickly stuck her hand out to the man, who gladly shook it in return. "Now I see what kept my sister from me. So Jenn, are you gonna introduce him."

Jenn shifted a bit, "Sara this is Kevin, Kevin, this is my sister Sara. And we should really get back to our table."

"Oh no, why rush." Sara held a huge smile. "So Kevin, what were you and my sister discussing without including me." Sara felt the gaze from Jenn burning into her, but hey, it was her birthday.

Kevin was relieved that her sister had shown up, now maybe he'd be able to actually convince them to join them in the other room. He didn't know why he wanted her in there so badly, he just seemed drawn to her in some way. "Actually, I was just inviting the two of you to join us. I hear birthday congratulations are in order."

If possible Sara's smile grew at that, "Oh, why thank you so much."

"And, I would also like to be the first person to buy you a drink. If you care to allow me the pleasure." Suddenly the thought of a drink reminded Kevin of just why he was in such a rush in the first place, he needed to pee, badly.

"Well I would be delighted." Sara replied. "We will just go and settle our bill and meet you back here in a few minutes, sound good?"

Soon Kevin was relieving himself in the men's room, and Sara was dragging Jenn back to the table.

"I can't believe you just invited us along. I...he..." Jenn stammered.

Sara pulled out some cash from her purse and laid it down on the table. "I didn't invite us along, HE invited US. It sounds like it will be fun."

"I...I just don't know Sar. This is like...the first time since..." Jenn ran her fingers nervously threw her hair.

"Well, no time like the present. I really wanna do this Jenn, please..." Sara finished by sticking her bottom lip out.

Jenn let out a sigh and rolled her eyes, "Ok, you really didn't need to do that. But, fine...whatever. Who am I to stop you on your birthday."

"I know we won't regret this. And if they all turn out to be blood sucking vampires, then we can leave." She said with a goofy smile.

"Lead the way."

****

Two hours later, the cake was being cut. Sara had no problem being sure she was included in the birthday festivities, since it was actually her birthday unlike the other two. This party was being held in-between AJ and Nick's birthdays, so there would only have to be one party.

"...HAPPPY BIRTHDAY...TOOOOOO YOUUUUUUU!!!" The song finished and the room was filled with cheers as the three blew out the candles. Sara was so happy to be having this much fun on her birthday and it shown on her face.

Jenn sat quietly watching her "sister" from the corner of the room. Sure, she was having a good time, but she felt like she needed to keep an eye on Sara. There was just to many guys in the room and it made her really nervous. Kevin had done a good job of dancing a bit with her, and that kept her mind off of everything for a few minutes. But he had gone to record the cake moments, and that left Jenn by herself.

Sara found herself smitten with Kevin's cousin, Brian. He was just so charming, and not to mention cute. Quickly, grabbing two pieces of cake, she made her way back over to her new friend. "I thought I'd bring you some cake."

Brian watched as she put the plate down in front of him, "Why thank you. I got you another drink while you were up there too." Brian pointed to the full glass of strawberry daiquiri.

Sara's eyes widened as she put the straw in her mouth and took a big sip. "God, I love this stuff!"

"I can tell." Brian said with a laugh. "That’s like your fourth one."

"Ha! More like sixth!" Sara replied with a giggle. "I think you're trying to liquor me up."

"I would never do such a thing. You're doing that all on your own."

Sara's face brightened up as she suddenly got an urge. "Dance with me!" She said grabbing Brian's hand then making their way to the dance area.

"There you are."

Jenn jumped in surprise at Kevin's deep penetrating voice. "Here I am." Jenn replied plainly, hoping he didn't notice her jump.

Kevin sat down next to her, "I didn't mean to startle you. I don't think I'm that scary lookin." He showed half a smirk.

Jenn felt some of the liquor she had drank allowing her to smile a little at him. "I don't know...those eyebrows look like they could do some damage."

Kevin feigned hurt, "Now that was a shot below the belt, going after my eyebrows like that." Kevin then turned to face the mirror that was behind them that circled the whole room. "I like them just fine." He finished as he wiggled his eyebrows to himself.

Jenn couldn't help but laugh at the sight in front of her. "Wow Kevin, I think you're a special one."

Kevin turned to look at her once more, "You are just full of them tonight aren't ya."

"I always try to stay on my toes."

"I think that was on invitation." Kevin said as he stood up.

"An invitation?" Jenn said looking up at the tall man.

Kevin reached down and grabbed her hand to pull her up, "Why an invitation to dance."

Jenn didn't even get the chance to argue as she was suddenly swept out of her spot and taken quickly to the dance floor. "Do I not get a say in this?"

"Ummm...." Kevin pretended to think for a moment. "No."

At the sight of Kevin's smile, Jenn knew that she would be unable to deny him.

As they reached the dance floor, as slow song started playing. Jenn wasn't really sure if she'd be comfortable with a slow dance with a man she had just met only hours ago, in front of a public restroom.

Kevin seemed to notice the hesitation in her eyes, leaning down close to her ear he whispered, "I promise to be gentle." A small smirk shown on his face.

Jenn gave a slight nod as she allowed her body to softly press against his as they began to sway to the music. Jenn felt her body began to relax in his hold, as much as she was afraid of him, she couldn't help but feel drawn to him.

When the song was over, a much more upbeat song began to play. Jenn didn't feel up to the fast paced dance and asked Kevin if it was alright if they went back to their seats.

As Kevin lead her over to their table the sound of an all to familiar voice rang through the room causing Kevin to cringe. Kevin let out a sigh, "Of course we couldn't get through this without her making a scene."

Jenn looked over at the woman who was making such a ruckus. "Who is she?"

Kevin looked over to the table that held both the birthday boys, both of them total engrossed in the blonde that stood before them. "That's Lori, she's ummm...an acquaintance."

Both of them watched as Lori began to give Nick and AJ a bit of a strip tease to the music of Christina Agulara's "Dirrty".

"An acquaintance huh? Seems more like a stripper to me." Jenn said with a laugh.

Kevin let out a laugh, "One would think, but actually, she’s a long time friend of the two. She just likes to ummm...entertain."

Jenn raised her eyebrows a bit as she saw Lori beginning to give AJ a form of a lap dance, "Yea, I would say so." Jenn let her gaze fall away from that as she began to scan the crowd for Sara.

After a few minutes of scanning and not finding her friend she began to feel panic well up in her chest. Reaching over she placed a hand on Kevin's shoulder. "Have you seen Sara?"

Kevin made a quick scan of the room and noticed he couldn’t see either Sara or Brian. "Umm...no I sure don't. Maybe they just stepped out for a few."

Jenn quickly stood up grasping her purse. "I have to find her!" Jenn said, her eyes wide and breath coming in quick gasps.

Kevin also stood up and grasped Jenn's hand. "Just take it easy, I'm sure she's around here somewhere."

" YOU DONT UNDERSTAND!" Jenn said loudly, tears prickling her eyes. "I HAVE to find her!" Jenn harshly pulled out of Kevin's grasp and ran at the doors.

Jenn suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. "OH GOD, SARA!"

Hear me i'm crying out, I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down, find me
I'm lost inside a crowd, it's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me

Can you hear me?


Jenn quickly dropped down to her knees beside her friend. "Sara what's wrong?"

Sara was sitting on the floor, her back up against the wall and her knee's drawn to her chest. It looked like she had been crying. Sara just simply shook her head and looked down at the floor.

Kevin suddenly came bursting through the doors, "What the hell...did something happen?" He questioned as he saw Sara on the floor.

Jenn let out a breath and turned to Kevin, "I think we need a few minutes."

"Ok, no problem. Where's Bri?" Kevin asked as he went to leave the two alone.

Sara let out a small sniffle, "He...he went to get me some water."

Jenn rubbed Sara's shoulder a bit as Kevin nodded and went back to the room. "What happened Sara?"

Sara swallowed loudly and looked back up at her friend. "That's just it...I...I don't know." Sara began waving her arms around a bit. "We were having a good time. We came out here to be alone...he...he kissed me. And I just...I...flashed back." Sara finished quietly.

Jenn couldn't help but frown at this, "See, I knew this was a bad idea. Maybe we should just go before they come back out here to check on us." Jenn said as she began to stand up.

Sara quickly pulled her back down, "No, really. I...I'll be fine. I really wanna stay, I like this guy."

"But Sara, all you did was kiss him and you were brought back to that night. I don't think it's such a good idea."

Sara shook her head, "I need to remember things anyway, so it's not totally a bad thing."

Jenn let out a sigh, "Remembering isn't gonna help any, I remember, it is a bad thing."

Taking a deep breath Sara quickly pushed herself up off the floor. "I'm fine now, I just want this night to keep going like it is. Just another hour...please."

Jenn let out a huff, "Fine, but promise me, if you get upset again to come and get me."

Sara nodded, "I will."

Just then Brian came out with a glass of water in his grasp followed by Kevin, "Oh thank goodness you're ok." Brian said as he handed her the cup.

Sara took a slow sip, "I'm sorry if I freaked you out."

"It's fine, girls cry around me all the time." Brian said with a bit of a laugh.

"They do?" Jenn asked in wonder.

"Duh they do Jenn, they are the members of the Backstreet Boys." Sara responded as she realized that Jenn hadn't realized who they were.

Jenn blinked, they what...she thought to herself. And that's when it hit her. She knew that Kevin had looked a bit familiar, but with this past year she hadn't really paid attention to anything but her and Sara's situation.

"Oh god, you are!" Jenn looked back and forth between the cousins.

"You're not gonna go teeny on us are you." Kevin said with a laugh.

"Oh goodness no. I just...I just can't believe I didn't notice it before."

"It was actually kinda nice to not be recognized." Kevin said as he placed his arm around her shoulders.

"Well, now that I feel like an ass...we should go back in there and get back to your wonderful party." Jenn said trying to allow Sara what she wanted.

"Ladies first." Brian said as he held the door open for them.

****

That night they had all exchanged phone numbers with promises to keep in touch. The boys were going to be in town for a few months recording their new album and hoped to keep in touch with them. Jenn had tried to get Sara to talk about what she had remembered, but Sara had refused.

Sara and Brian talked as much as they could on the phone, both totally infatuated with one another. Jenn however, found herself avoiding the phone calls from Mr. Richardson. It wasn't that she didn’t like him, it was that she feared what could happen.

Brian seemed like a good guy, but Jenn couldn't keep that nagging feeling from making her think of what could happen. She even felt a bit jealous over the fact that Sara didn't have any problems with guys. Sure, she had the flashes of memories that came to her, but that was nothing compared to actually remember all that had happened.

Tears began to run down Jenn's face as once again her phone rang, the caller id showing that it was Kevin. Why couldn't she be like Sara and not remember...

****

*Flashback*

"I think we should just pack up and leave here...at least for the night." Jenn said as they arrived back home.

"I really don't think we need to. I mean, the police are out there looking for them. I really don't think we should worry." Sara said as she went to the bedroom to get into her PJ's.

Jenn bit her lip as she watched Sara walk away. Following her friends lead, she also went to go and get changed.

They had both thought that this night would change their lives in many ways, but they never anticipated was else would happen that night.

"How about we just pop in a movie and try to relax. I'm still way tense." Sara said as she walked out into the living room.

"How bout you go and pop some popcorn, and I'll find us a movie." Jenn said as she began to rummage through their DVD collection as a knock came upon the door.

Jenn didn't even think twice about who could be knocking at the door. That life changing moment was just at the click of the lock on their door.


****

Taking a deep breath, Jenn finally allowed herself to answer her phone.

"Hey Kevin..."

"Oh wow, it's not your voicemail. I think I've talked to you're voicemail more then you." Kevin said in surprise that she actually answered.

"Yeah, uh, sorry about that." Jenn said as she rested against her pillows.

"It's ok...umm...I mean...I guess I would be kinda weary of talking to guys that knocked me to the ground in front of a restroom." Kevin said trying to laugh.

Jenn smiled a bit, "I didn't mean to be so rude, I just...I've been busy."

"That's cool, I understand that." There was a few moments of silence that followed. "Well umm...I was just calling to see if you wanted to hang out sometime."

Jenn bit her lip, she really did wanna see him again. "Well..."

"I'll make it worth your while." He could tell that she needed some persuading. "Maybe we can get Brian and Sara to come with us, and Howie and Lee. Would that be good?"

"Actually that sounds good." Jenn felt that if she had Sara with her, that it would be ok. "So when do you wanna do this?"

****

Jenn looked into the mirror one final time, making sure he makeup was ok. Once she was satisfied she reached down and grabbed one of her scarf’s and quickly tied it around her neck. Tonight was the night that she would go on her first date since they had moved down here, and she couldn’t help but feel the fear that was invading her.

“Come on Jenn, were gonna be late!” Sara yelled down the hallway as she slid her shoes on.

“I’m coming!” Jenn yelled back as she exited the bathroom. “It’s not like we have to be the first ones there.”

Sliding a light jacket on Sara smiled, “Well, I can’t help that I’m excited. I mean, I’ve already been out with Brian a few times, but I’m really happy you decided to come with Kevin and join us. I swear if I had to hear him whine about wanting to see you one more time…”

Jenn grabbed the car keys and rolled her eyes, “I know, I know…I’ve heard this how many times now.”

“Well at least I finally managed to convince you to do this.”

“Hey, it wasn’t you. It was actually Kevin.” Jenn climbed in the car and quickly started it.

Sara reached over and buckled her seatbelt. “It doesn’t matter who, all that matters is that you’re coming.” She then gave Jenn a quick once over, “And may I say, you cleaned up nice.”

Jenn let out a laugh, “Ok…whatever.” Jenn continued to drive as Sara took the few minutes in the car to finish her makeup.

Once they pulled into the parking lot, Sara quickly pointed out to Jenn Brian’s car. Parking beside it, they noticed that Brian and Kevin were in it.

Sara jumped out of the car as soon as it stopped and ran around to greet Brian. Jenn couldn’t help but roll her eyes as they kissed passionately. Then she noticed as Kevin waved to her from his seat in Brian’s car. Turning the ignition, Jenn finally made her way out of the car.

“Hey there.” Kevin greeted as he stepped up to her.

“Hey yourself.” Jenn looked down at her hands, not really sure what to do next.

Kevin came up and wrapped his arm around her back, noticing the way she stiffened at his touch. He decided to ignore it for the moment. “I want to thank you for joining me here tonight. I’ve been looking forward to it all week.”

Jenn allowed herself to relax a little bit in his grasp, she didn’t want to seem like she didn’t want to be here. “It’s nothing, I just don’t like to go out much. I really didn’t mean to blow you off as much as I did.”

Kevin stopped as he came up to the desk where Brian was talking to the manager. “Well, what matters is that you’re here now, and I promise that you’re going to have a great time.”

“We shall see about that Mr. Richardson.” Jenn let a smile creep across her lips. “Isn’t one of your other friends supposed to be here too?”

“Howie always runs late, he’d be late to his own wedding I’m sure.” Kevin said with a bit of a laugh.

Soon they were all walking towards the back corner of the bowling alley, trying to get as much privacy as possible. The night was filled with lots of fun and laughs. Howie and Lee never showed up which caused a lot more laughs over the reasons why the two didn’t show up.

Kevin felt like the night had been a success. Jenn hadn’t really opened up to him, but he felt like he had made some headway. His biggest disappointment came when they were all saying their goodbyes, and as Brian and Sara kissed, all Jenn did was give him a brief hug.

“Thank you for this Kevin, I really did have fun.” Jenn leaned up against her car after the hug.

Kevin stuck his hands in his pockets and leaned next to her. “I had a good time too, I hope you would like to do it again sometime.”

“Yeah, maybe…just give me a call.” Jenn said with a tightlipped smile.

Jenn said her final goodbye to Kevin, and then to Brian before they all got into their cars. Sara was practically bouncing in her seat as they drove off.

“So, did you enjoy yourself?” Sara asked.

“Yeah, of course I did. You seemed to enjoy yourself as well.” Jenn replied as she turned the corner.

“I did! I really like Brian, he is the sweetest thing, and funny too.”

Jenn nodded to her friend as she pulled off to the side of the road as a blaring ambulance made its way past them. As she waited she turned to her friend and was shocked to see that Sara had suddenly turned pale. “Sara?”

Sara swallowed and blinked as the lights still danced in front of her eyes. As she blinked she saw herself being placed into an ambulance, and was finding it hard to breathe.

“Shit, Sara…don’t do this now…” Jenn said as she placed the car in park and undid her seatbelt to get closer to her.

Sara felt herself beginning to shake a little as she finally found her body allowing her to take a big swallow of oxygen. Her vision began to focus once again as she felt Jenn’s hands upon her face.

“..at me…come on Sara…look at me…” Jenn had Sara’s face in her hands as she tried to get Sara to look at her.

Sara shook her head a little to get the cobwebs out, “I…I’m ok…” Her voice was quiet.

“The hell you are!” Jenn said as she slowly took her hands off of Sara’s face. “You just totally spaced out on me again. It’s every time you go out, I…I don’t like this…”

Sara licked her lips, “Can you just take me home…”

Jenn stared at her hard for a moment then with a sigh, got settled back into the drivers seat and finished driving them home.

***

Chapter 3

“I thought you said 12...” Jenn said as Sara stumbled into their apartment.

Sara quickly looked up and smiled at Jenn, “Well…I lost track of time. Forgive me?”

Jenn rolled her eyes at her intoxicated friend, “This is the fourth time this week Sara, I’ve been worried.”

Sara dropped her purse down onto the table and pulled her jacket off, “Well I’m sorry, MOM.” She let out a giggle.

“That’s the thing, I’m not your mom. You need to be more considerate, more responsible.” Jenn stood up from the couch.

“And you need to loosen up, have some fun.” Sara made her way over to Jenn and grabbed her hands and started dancing with her.

Jenn shook her hands away and let out an exasperated sigh, “I’m not about to start going out and getting drunk like you have been, sorry, that’s not my idea of fun.”

Sara plopped down onto the couch and clumsily kicked her shoes off, “Kevin was sad you weren’t there tonight…”

“I never told him I’d be there.”

“Next time you’re coming, even if I have to drag you. He’s not some weirdo Jenn, he’s a really nice guy.”

“Well, right now I don’t need to be in a relationship, why must you always bring this up.”

“I never said you had to be his girlfriend, just go out with us.” Sara said with a slur.

“I’ll think about it, but right now…you need a bed.” Jenn helped her unsteady friend up.

“Bed…that would be good.” Sara said suddenly sounding very tired.

“Good.” Jenn said, happy that Sara wasn’t going to press the subject of her and Kevin. Helping her friend to her room and into bed, Jenn couldn’t help but to worry about Sara. This had been going on since she started hanging around with Brian and his friends. A few times a week Sara would stumble in, completely drunk. Sure, she had been invited, pretty much everyday Kevin called her and asked for her to join them during the night. She just wasn’t feeling it, the whole party scene.

Jenn tucked her friend into bed and turned off her light. Turning to her right, she grabbed the nearby trash can and set it next to Sara’s bed. With a sad sigh, and a snore coming from her friend, Jenn made her way out of the room and into her own. Knowing that sometime in the next few hours she would be running to her friends room to calm her from another nightly nightmare.

***

“I’m not going!” Jenn forcefully said as she began to make her dinner.

“Jenn, I want you to go. Kevin wants you there, come on.” Sara begged her friend as she finished getting herself ready for a night out.

“Fuck Kevin, I don’t care! How many times do we have to do this, I’m not going.” Jenn exhaled loudly.

Sara stood there and stared at Jenn for a few minutes, “You can’t stay in this apartment forever.”

“I don’t plan to, I get out plenty.”

Sara rolled her eyes, “Shopping does NOT count as going out. You need to socialize and hang with us.”

“Don’t you get it that I’m not into that.”

“You used to be…”

“Well, I changed. I’m allowed to fuckin change.”

Sara let out a frustrated sigh, “Jenn…”

Throwing down her fork Jenn let it out, “SARA!! I’ve said no, just drop it Damnit! I already have to deal with you waking up, SCREAMING every damn night! Don’t you realize that this shit started when you started going out with Brian!”

Sara was staring at Jenn in shock. “I…I…it has nothing to do with that.” She quickly turned around, not wanting Jenn to see the doubt in her eyes.

“Do you really think I can’t tell that you’re lying. I’ve known you too damn long Sara, I almost lost you once…I…I don’t wanna lose you.” Jenn felt her bottom lip start to quiver.

Sara was speechless for a bit, not really knowing what to say. She couldn’t decide if she should argue with her over it, or admit it was the truth. Finally with a sigh, she gave in. “Jenn, I…I’m sorry. I promise not to push you anymore, and I’ll be sure to take it easy when I go out. I really am sorry.” Suddenly she felt Jenn’s arms wrap around her in a hug and she quickly returned it.

“That’s all I ask.” That night, Sara went out like normal, and Jenn sat at home.

***


A knock on the door about an hour later nearly caused Jenn to drop the remote on the ground. Licking her lips she quickly stood up and wrapped her robe tightly around her. She peeked through the peep hole and let out a sigh when she saw none other than Kevin standing on the other side. Jenn slowly opened the door leaving the chain attached, “Hey, umm what are you doing here?”

Kevin cleared his throat and shifted from foot to foot, “Sara said you would be here, I really didn’t like being the third wheel and I hoped you would like the company.”

Jenn bit her lip, not sure what to say to the man, “Kevin, I really don’t wanna go anywhere tonight.”

“That’s ok, I brought a movie.” Kevin smiled as he held up a DVD case.

Jenn really didn’t want to have him come in, but part of her did want to spend the evening with him. After a few seconds of hesitation Jenn let out a sigh and closed the door. Kevin looked around not sure what was going on, but when he heard the sound of the chain being removed from her door he let a smile come across his face.

“Just let me change real quick, couch is right there, make yourself comfortable.” Jenn said as she held her robe up close to her chin and pointed Kevin to the couch and headed off to her room to change.

Kevin happily took a seat on the couch looking around. It was the first time he had been over to their apartment, Sara had given him the directions telling him that Jenn would be happy to see him. Some how he had doubted that, but decided to do it anyway. Now that she had actually let him in he couldn’t help but to be happy that he had come out this way.

Jenn came out a few minutes later wearing a simple pair of jeans and a turtle neck that said NYU on it “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting anyone and this was all I had to throw on.” Jenn said sheepishly as she finished putting her hair up in a pony tail.

“I think you look just right for watching a movie on a couch.” Kevin said with a smile. “So, did you actually go to NYU or are you just an NY fan?”

Jenn sat down on the opposite end of the couch pulling her legs under her, “Um, I went there.” She really hated talking about her past.

Kevin simply nodded, “Oh, I see. What was your major?” He was really wanting to get to know this girl, he just needed to figure out how to get in.

Jenn swallowed slightly, “Photography, but…it doesn’t matter cause I didn’t get to graduate and I don’t do it anymore.”

“Well that’s too bad, I saw some pictures around, are those yours? They look great.”

Jenn began to nod then stopped, “So, what movie did you bring?”

Kevin bit his lip a little to stop himself from asking her again, but he could tell by the way she was now shifting around that he should drop it for now, “I brought Moulin Rouge, I hope that’s ok. It was the first one I saw at the store that I thought we would both like.”

Jenn let out a little smile, “I love that movie, and I already have it. You didn’t need to go and buy a movie just to get in here.”

Kevin shrugged, “I wanted to buy it anyway, so you wanna watch it then?”

Two hours later and they were both now in the middle of the couch leaning on each other and crying. Throughout the movie Jenn seemed to relax, maybe it was because of how comfortable she was beginning to feel around Kevin, or maybe it was the bottle of wine that they had both split. Either way, it seemed to do them a world of good.

“I may love that movie, but I cry EVERY time.” Jenn said as she got up and turned the DVD player and TV off and grabbed a couple more tissues.

Kevin let out a light chuckle, “Hell, even I cry, and I’m a guy. But I am the emotional type, if you couldn’t tell.”

Jenn let out a laugh herself as she looked at Kevin’s red rimmed eyes, “I don’t think we should watch a sad movie together again, next time it should be a funny one.”

Kevin felt his heart speed up, “So you want there to be a next time?” He had been hoping this would open that gate she had up against him.

Jenn slowly licked her lips, “Umm, I don’t see why not. I…I actually had a good time tonight. Just as long as you don’t mind hanging out over here and watching movies. I’m cool with that.”

Kevin smiled and nodded now standing up to be next to her, “Whatever you want to do is fine with me. I really like spending time with you, I hope you know that.”

Smiling and looking up at him she also nodded, “I think I do.”

“Do you think it would be alright if I kissed you?” Kevin asked wrapping his arms slowly around her.

Jenn bit her lip, suddenly starting to think this had all been a mistake. Then when she looked into his eyes she just knew she couldn’t deny him. She couldn’t find her voice and just simply nodded and closed her eyes.

Slowly Kevin leaned down and softly touched his lips to hers. The kiss was electrifying, both of their bodies tingled as the kiss progressed from something soft and delicate, to a kiss of passion, a kiss of need.

Jenn sighed against his lips as he began to pull away, if it hadn’t been for Kevin’s arms around her she would have fallen straight to the floor. She couldn’t believe how much she had enjoyed that kiss, it had been so long…so long…

Then suddenly the memories came flooding back to her and she lightly pushed Kevin away. “I…I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have…”

Kevin frowned, “Why would you say that, it was…it was…”

“Great…” They both said together, Jenn reaching up to touch her lips as if she was once again feeling his lips upon hers. They stood there in silence for almost a whole minute, Kevin not wanting to do anything to push her away, and Jenn not knowing what to say.

Finally Jenn cleared her throat and started picking up the living room. “Sara should be home any minute and I’m a bit tired so I think it would be best if you would go.”

Kevin let out a sigh, trying not to frown. He started helping her pick up a little also, “Are we ok?”

Jenn paused in her movements and then slowly nodded, “Yeah, I think so. I just, it’s been a while and I apologize for saying that we shouldn’t have. Just understand that if we do this, its going to be slow going, so if you don’t think you can handle that I’ll understand and you can just go.”

Kevin once again stepped closer to her, but this time only grasping her hand, “I can do that, I just would like to get to know you and if we have to do that in this apartment every time, I have no problem with that.”

Jenn blushed as Kevin pulled her hand to his lips and gave it a tender kiss, “Thank you Kevin.”

It wasn’t long before Jenn was watching Kevin leave. She couldn’t help but feel good about all of this. Kevin seemed to be a wonderful man, but the question was, could he handle her past. Jenn let out a sigh when she saw Brian’s driver opening a door and watched as Sara nearly fell out of the car after a sloppy kiss from Brian.

Heading back inside Jenn waited for her friend to get there so she could help her to bed. Jenn was expecting Sara to do nothing but run her mouth about what her and Kevin did tonight, but her friend hardly said a word. Sara had ran straight to the bathroom, getting rid of the liquor she had consumed that evening. It only took a few minutes to get her off to bed, then Jenn headed to her own room.

Tonight though, she did something she hadn’t done in a few weeks, she pulled out her diary and turned on the light on her nightstand. Grabbing a pen she quickly set off to write down the words that were circling in her head….

Never thought someone could make me feel the way that you make me feel, its almost unreal. Tonight with you I felt a woman again, feelings in me came alive that I thought were gone until now. I beg you be patient my heart still needs some time. But I swear to you, my heart wants to be found. I’ve been touched by you in a way I never could imagine. Is it true am I once again in heaven. In your eyes I see all the love your heart has shown me. Tell me is it really true? Ive been touched by you.

Its been forever since I felt like this, you make me feel beautiful, and loved above all. There’s so much here inside me that I want to share. If only my heart would let go of all the doubts in my soul. I beg you be patient, my heart still needs some time, but I swear to you my heart wants to be found.


Jenn finally closed the book and turned off her light, she never thought she’d ever want to start anything with another man again. She quickly realized to her self that Kevin wasn’t an ordinary guy, he was special and she could now see that. She laid her head down on the pillow and closed her eyes with a smile, the first time in a long time she fell asleep with a smile on her face.

**Words from the diary entry were taken from the song “I’ve been touched by you” from Pollyanna Dorough**

Chapter 4

Why do people celebrate a two month anniversary? That was the question on Sara’s mind as Brian guided his car down the busy streets. Wasn’t that something that High Schoolers celebrated. Then her thought’s went to why it would be Brian wanting to celebrate it and not her, suddenly she let out a laugh.

“What’s so funny over there?” Brian asked as he looked over at her with a grin.

Sara licked her lips trying to calm her laughs, “I just suddenly realized that you seem to be the girl in this relationship.”

Brian’s jaw dropped a little, “Excuse me…what?”

This only caused Sara to laugh out a little more, “I’m beginning to think that you’re more girly than I am. I mean, WHO celebrates a freakin two month anniversary.”

Brian pasted a fake frown on his face, “Maybe someone who just loves anniversaries…is that so wrong??”

Sara’s face dropped a little thinking that maybe she had actually hurt his feelings, but as she glanced at his face she could see the corner of his mouth beginning to twitch into a smile. “You are a BAD liar.” She leaned over between the seats and gave him a light kiss on the cheek. “And maybe I love you for your girly side.”

“I do NOT have a girly side.” Brian practically whined, he made a funny face as he turned his head to the side a little at hearing the sound of his voice, “Maybe I do…”

The rest of the ride was spent with Sara guessing where Brian was taking her, then when she saw the building in front of her she let out a happy gasp, “Where we first met!” She nearly squealed as she grabbed his hand once he put the car in park.

“I figured it would be a good idea, and I think I remember you really liking the Strawberry Daiquiri’s they served here.” Brian said while raising an eyebrow.

Sara licked her lips as she smiled, “I don’t think it’s just here…I’m just a sucker for Strawberry anything”

Soon the two had finished their dinners and were just getting their deserts. The evening had been going wonderfully and the two couldn’t have seemed happier.

“I’m so happy I met you.” Sara said as she kissed Brian on the lips.

“Me too, actually I guess I have to thank Kevin for bumping into your sister that night.” Brian leaned over and dug his fork into Sara’s ice cream.

“HEY, that’s mine…you have your own!” Sara said with a laugh as she pulled her dish away from his reach.

Brian pouted, “But yours looks sooooo much better.”

“Then order another…this one is mine.” She stuck her tongue out at him.

“Gimme..” Brian quickly reached over and grasped her shoulders and pulled her lightly towards him. “Give it up.”

The sound of Sara’s dish overturning and breaking on the table filled the room as she suddenly gasped out. She shook her head trying to shake away what she felt coming, but it was too late. She saw the room spinning as she struggled to get in a breath.

Brian’s eyes went wide, this hadn’t been the first time, but he still freaked out every time it happened, “Sara, come on. Take a deep breath.”

When Brian’s words reached her ears all she heard was garbles. Then suddenly words began to come in clear to her…

“That’s right, just give it up bitch!” The voice echoed in her head.

“No…NO!” Sara cried out both in her mind and out loud.

By this time a crowd had formed near the booth that the two had been occupying. Brian had laid her down across the seat as he tried to get her to snap out of it. “Fight it Sara, please.” Brian nearly found himself crying out.

“Sir is she ok? Should I call for an ambulance?” The manager asked as he too now approached the table.

Brian bit his lip as he looked up, he wasn’t too sure if he should or not. She had done this before, but usually she had snapped out of it by now. “Just give us a few more minutes, if she’s still out of it…then you can call for help.”

“Go ahead, call for help all you want. It’s not gonna help you.” The evil laugh that followed caused Sara to shiver.

“Please, please don’t do this.” Tears flowed freely down her face.

“Goodbye Sweet Sara…”

BANG!

Sara quickly sat up screaming, wide eyed and shaking as Brian quickly pulled her into his grasp. “Shh…Shhh. Calm down, I have you, you’re safe.” Brian soothed as he rubbed her back.

Sara let out a choked sob as she slowly looked around seeing all the worried faces staring at her. “G…Get me out…of here.” She whispered into his ear as she grasped tightly to him.

Brian quickly reached into his back pocket throwing more then enough money onto the table as he helped Sara up. “Can you walk?”

Sara let out a shaky nod as she leaned heavily against him as they made they’re way out of the restaurant.

***

Jenn quickly came to the door as she heard the frantic knock and Sara’s cries coming from the other side of the door. Whipping it open she came face to face with a very scared looking Brian and a sobbing Sara.

“What happened??!” Jenn nearly yelled as she helped Brian bring Sara inside.

Brian helped to lay Sara down before he answered Jenn, “We were just eating…then…then she just dropped. She didn’t do anything but cry on the way home either. I…I thought you’d know what to do.” He bit his lip as he looked down and watched as Jenn tried to soothe her sister.

After a few moments Jenn finally stood up next to Brian, “I think you should go now.” She was gesturing towards the door.

Brian hesitated, “Is she gonna be ok?”

Jenn sighed, “She will be…fine. I’ve got her now, you just go home.”

“Can I at least say goodbye to her?” Brian asked as he was pushed towards the door.

“No, you just need to leave, now.” Jenn said as she continued to push him towards the door.

“But, I…I don’t understand. I wanna stay.”

Jenn stopped her pushing once they reached the door. “You will never understand Brian, in fact, you should just forget all about her and just leave for good.”

Brian blinked at that statement, “No, why…why would I wanna do something like that?”

Jenn crossed her arms blocking him from seeing Sara, “Because Brian, you have no idea what this is all about, and you don’t need to.”

Brian frowned at her as he tried to figure out what was going on, “I’m not going to leave her Jenn.”

A sob coming from Sara broke through their conversation. Jenn quickly turned back to her in worry. “Fine, stay for now…but sit over there or something.” Jenn pointed to a nearby chair and went back over to her sister. She had hoped seeing Sara like this would’ve scared him away, but she had been wrong.

Sara’s hand quickly reached for Jenn’s once she was next to her again. “He…he was going to…going to…”

“Shhh…honey its ok…its ok…he didn’t…remember.” Jenn soothed as she brushed Sara’s hair away from her face with her free hand.

“I…I don’t wanna die…I don’t….”

“You’re not gonna die, its ok now. I need you to calm down for me, please. You’re upsetting Brian.” She shot Brian a look when he made a noise to argue.

Brian just sadly watched as one sister tried to calm the other, wondering what in the world had happened to cause Sara to be like this.

***

It was nearly a month later, all of Jenn’s efforts to keep Sara away from Brian failed, and all of her efforts to keep Kevin away had also failed. As much as she had enjoyed that one night with Kevin in the apartment, she quickly realized she just wasn’t ready for all of this. She hated pushing him away, but she didn’t have any other choice. Now she was stuck going out on another double date, and as much as she wanted to hate it, she didn‘t.

Kevin scooted a bit closer to her in the booth, “Glad you made it again.” He smiled.

Jenn shifted, “Um yeah. You know, nothing better to do.”

“Well, I’ll make sure you have a good time.”

Jenn actually smiled back, as much as she wanted to hate him, something was always drawing her closer to him. He had this sweetness to him that she had never seen in a man of his stature before. God she wanted to kiss him again.

She shook the idea out of her head. Why would a man like him actually want to kiss her? Sure they’re first kiss was wonderful, but they had been drinking. How sad that to get a kiss the guy had to be drunk to do it. She almost laughed out loud to herself, yeah that wouldn’t have made her look insane.

“Are you alright?” Kevin suddenly asked causing her to jump a bit.

“Oh, yeah…sorry. Guess I just got lost in thought for a moment.” She shrugged.

Kevin put his arm around her, “Thinking about anything I should know about?” He winked.

Jenn actually blushed, “Umm, no. Just silly stuff.” She laughed a bit then went back to her dinner. She kept the conversation minimal as the night wore on. All too quickly they were arriving back at the girls apartment.

“I had a great time tonight Jenn.” Kevin said as he walked her up to her apartment.

“Yeah, me too I guess.”

Kevin raised an eyebrow, “You guess?”

Jenn shifted a bit, “I mean, yeah, I did too. Sorry, I’ve never been good at this kinda thing.”

“That’s ok. I just wanted to be sure you enjoyed yourself.” He smiled and stopped with her at her door putting his hands around her waist.

Jenn swallowed a bit, “Well I did, thank you for a great night.” When she smiled she suddenly felt him leaning in to kiss her. She started to panic but held it in then quickly pulled him closer for just a hug.

Kevin was a bit taken back by the action but just went along with it. Maybe she just wasn’t ready for the goodnight kiss. But they had kissed before, so why was it such an issue now. He held back a sigh, he hated taking steps backwards in a relationship.

And as they parted ways, and Sara and Brian were pulled apart, everyone said goodbye one last time before the girls went in.

“You looked like you had a good time Jenn.” Sara said to her as she headed to the bathroom to remove her makeup.

“Yeah, I did. As much as I hate it, I think I’m starting to like him.”

Sara let out a gasp, “You’re shittin me! That’s great! Soon you two will be all over each other.”

“Oh no no, none of that now. Not everyone are rabbits like you and Brain are.” Jenn went to her room and started to get changed.

“The world would only be so lucky,” Sara let out a big laugh.

Jenn just rolled her eyes, “You two are just too much, but I’m happy for you. You deserve to be happy.”

Sara poked her head out of the bathroom, “Did I just hear you saying that you approved of us being together?”

“Yeah, so what if I did, maybe I had too much to drink.” Jenn had changed into her PJ’s and headed into the bathroom with Sara to wash her makeup off too.

“I’m so happy to see you not being all…all…”

“Are you sure you wanna finish that sentence??” Jenn asked as she finished getting her face washed off.

Sara just turned to her and smiled, “I’m just happy to see you happy.” She hugged Jenn for a moment then let go, “Keep it up, ok?”

“We’ll see what happens, I…I kinda like this being happy thing.” Jenn laughed as she headed to her bedroom. “You get to sleep, I’m sure we have something to do tomorrow.”

“Yeah yeah yeah…” Sara said as she climbed into her bed. “Goodnight.”

Jenn crawled into her bed wrapping the covers tight, “Goodnight.” Turning off her light she closed her eyes and went to sleep.

Everything was getting better. Too bad things didn’t always stay that way.