I woke up with the worst headache of my life. Correction, the worst hangover of my life! What the hell did I have to drink last night? Once I opened my eyes and got acclimated to my surroundings I suddenly realized I wasn't laying on some lousy hotel bed but I had been sleeping in a jail cell. Just what the hell happened last night?

Sitting up, I ran a hand through my hair as I tried to think about what exactly had happened. The last thing I remembered was taking a shower...okay, something as stupid and as insignificant as taking a shower?? The sound of keys being placed in the cell door interrupted my mental interrogation. I looked up to see a heavy-set guard open the door.

"C'mon," he grunted as he motioned for me to exit the cell. "Hold your hands out," he directed with a nod. As soon as I did as he wanted, he placed a set of handcuffs on my wrists. Without further explanation, he roughly took my arm.

"Where are we going?"

After walking a few feet, I decided he hadn't heard me so I repeated the question louder.
He still didn't answer my question so I resigned myself to go where he was leading me. Maybe he was going to take me to see someone that will hopefully fill in the holes my brain had. My comfort was short-lived when we passed through a door that led to a small room. Immediately I stopped. "Hold on! I haven't spoken with my attorney!"

"See the phone on the wall?" the guard spat in a very unpleasant tone. "One call."

Crap....I don't even know my attorney's phone number! Who do I call??

"You don't have all day!"

"S-sorry....I'm thinking."
 
"Phone book's on the table....you have three minutes."

"Why am I here?"
 
"Like I would know?"
 
"It's just a simple question," I defended. "I honestly don't know."
 
"Not my problem fella."

Judging by the city name on the outside of the thick phone book I soon realized I was in Florida. Okay, back to the question of who should I call....Bean? Well since I have the hangover from hell I could probably place bets that Bean probably was suffering a hangover as well. I could call one of my parents but I quickly scratched that thought from my list. My family was so dysfunctional that my mom wouldn't be much of a help and dad....well he was busy with the new family in his life and certainly didn't have time for his fuck-up son. There was only one person I could count on since I was in Florida and at least I remembered that he was here working on an album.

"Could you free up one hand so I can at least dial the phone?"

"Figure out how to use the phone...other people don't have a problem."

"You must have lots of friends," I snapped. Okay, not a good idea to talk to someone that could actually pass for a bouncer at a bar but he was seriously wearing on my last nerve! As soon as I picked up the phone, I was directed to an AT&T operator!

"Operator assistance, what is the number you are trying to call collect to?"

"562-863-9861."

"Your name please?"

"Nick..”

“I’m sorry?”

I cleared my throat before I said my name again. This was so embarrassing! I had no clue as to why I was in this smelly jail and now I had to place a collect call! I silently prayed when I realized that since Aaron wouldn't recognize the number on his cell phone that he probably wouldn’t answer. I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard the operator announce that this was a collect call from Nick and asked if he would accept the charges. As soon as he agreed, I was instantly greeted by my baby brother.

"What the hell did you do now Nick?"

"Huh?" Great response.....

"Caller ID Nick, it said Hillsborough County Jail," Aaron replied, a hint of worry in his voice.

"Air I have no idea.....this is the first time anyone has told me where the fuck I am!"

"You don't know what you did??" he replied; panic was definitely in his voice.

"Seriously.....I have no idea. Can you come and bail me out?"
 
"Um....yeah I'll get there as soon as I can bro."

As soon as I hung up the phone, the gruff guard was quick to grunt for me to get up. As far as I was concerned, AC couldn't be coming to rescue me soon enough!

Hours had passed since I had called Aaron. A lunch of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, white milk and sliced peaches sitting on a paper plate had been passed through the slot on the door only to sit there, untouched. I wasn't hungry and I was sure that Aaron would be coming to my rescue soon.

Footsteps from out in the hall had come and gone over the hours and each time I heard them, I immediately got my hopes up only to have my heart sink when they went past my door, further down the hall. Just when I was beginning to lose all hope, keys jingled outside the heavy door.

"Bails been posted, follow me," a new guard muttered as he gestured for me to pass through the open door.

I anxiously followed him down the hall toward a glassed room. A clipboard was passed through a windowed slot where a woman in a police uniform sat behind.
"Sign your name by the X," she requested in a monotone voice.
 
I scrawled Nickolas Carter faster than I had at any meet and greet in my life and as soon as I passed the clipboard back through the slot, a large brown envelope was pushed through. I immediately saw my name and a number written in heavy black marker on the front of the package. I was guessing the number must have been my county jail number because I didn't recognize it from anything else. Upon tearing open the envelope, I discovered my cell phone which now needed to be charged since it was dead, shoe laces and my wallet.

Shoe laces?? I looked down to see that, yep, my shoe laces were indeed ripped from my white Nike sneakers. Before I was allowed to leave, another envelope was passed through the slot. I wasn't sure what that was and right now I basically didn't care.

"The exit is to your left," the woman said as she pressed a button, signaling a buzzing noise. My head jerked in the direction of the sound and I grabbed the envelopes and quickly left the room. I was happy to see Aaron waiting for me in the lobby.

"Let's get the hell outta here," I said to him in a low voice. There were people standing in the lobby and I sure as hell didn't want to linger or draw unnecessary attention to either one of us. Aaron was quiet until we were outside.

"What the hell did you do Nick?"

"I have no freakin clue."

"Your bail was over fifteen thousand dollars..."

I could have sworn I felt my heart drop into my stomach. "Please tell me you're joking."

"I wish I was. You maxed out one of my credit cards."

"I'll write a check when you drop me off."

"I'm not worried about that Nick....I'm sure you're gonna need all your money for legal fees."

"There has to be some mistake. I'm sure this will get cleared up once I talk to my lawyer."
I think I was in denial or something. I mean I probably did something dumb but not a $15,000 dumb thing. It was probably suppose to be $1,500.00.….just a clerical error. They will have to kiss my ass when they realize their mistake!

"It was probably a clerical error," I stated my thoughts to Aaron. "I mean, think about it, it was probably something dumb I did and it should have been a $1,500 bail not $15,000. Doesn't that make sense to you?"

Aaron was quiet for a moment as he thought about what I just told him. He nodded in agreement. "Yeah that has to be what happened. I totally freaked when they told me it was $15,000.00, but what could I do? I wasn't gonna argue with them."

"Exactly."

"So you seriously have no idea what you did? For them to have a bail set it seems like you entered a plea or something, right?"

I looked at my brother for a moment before I opened the passenger side door to his car, unable to answer his question.
 
"Nick do you know exactly what you were doing last night? Were you driving?"

I shook my head. He had me there! "Honestly Air, I have no idea what went on last night! I bet I got pulled over and got thrown in jail for a DUI. It has to be...."

Aaron nodded as he started the car up and pulled out of the county jail parking lot. "For your sake, let's hope so..."

Aaron apologized for not being able to stick around and help me sort out last night. He told me that he was going to check back on me later. I think that was the last thing I really wanted him to do anyways. I mean I got myself into one hell of a mess and whatever I had done was probably something stupid but no doubt definitely embarrassing!

I mean, think about it, I probably shoved someone in a bar and he fell and the place called the cops and I got popped for assault. That has to be what happened, I decided with a shrug.

One thing I definitely needed to do was grab a shower to get the nasty ‘jail smell’ off my skin. Maybe that would give me a better perspective of what the hell went on last night that landed me in jail.

Once I showered, I discovered three things:

1. I still didn’t know what the fuck happened last night.

2. I had a huge assed headache!

3. I still hadn’t heard from Bean.

“Maybe Bean could fill me in about last night.”

I picked up my house phone and dialing his cell, I was immediately put to his voice mail.

“Hey Bean, its Nick gimme a call back when you get this.”

Great, no Bean and no clue to what happened last night.

“Shit! My head fricken hurts,” I said to an empty room. This had to be one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had in my life!

Sighing, I walked into the kitchen, glancing at the envelopes that I tossed on the counter. Once I got 3 Tylenols down I stared at the envelope with my name on the front from Hillsborough County Jail.

“I guess I better read what this has to say.”

I held my breath as I tore open the letter.

Carter, Nickolas Gene 0713200713572 01/28/80 State of Florida vs Carter

Preliminary Hearing has been set for July 30, 2007 at Hillsborough County District Court, 10:00 a.m.

I think I read that letter three times and it still didn’t bring anything back to me what went on. The words Hillsborough District Court had me a little worried. I had only been to the county court before but that was for basic traffic tickets and signing documents, nothing else.

Okay, maybe this is because I did hit someone? But why would it be the State of Florida and not the person I hit? It still didn’t tell me what I needed to know. Maybe if I called the phone number on the letter?

“You need to call your attorney, dumbass," I sighed.

Pulling out my wallet, I found the business card for my attorney. It took me a couple of minutes of deep breathing, trying to calm myself before I dialed the phone. I have paid this guy big bucks to help me out when I’ve been in scrapes before, why am I acting so paranoid about calling him now?

Simple…..because I’ve never been so scared in my life!

******

”Great! he told me he’d call me right back and it’s been over an hour. What the fuck?! Maybe he forgot that he was suppose to call me back….okay Carter, you’re rambling here. It’ll be fine.”

I rubbed my face with the palm of my hand, trying calm myself. He was a busy man, I decided. Maybe he got interrupted before he could call me back and let me know what the court wanted with me.

“Yeah, that’s gotta be it…”

After I walked three feet toward the kitchen, my cell phone ran. I literally sprinted to grab it from the table and flipped it open.

“Yeah?”

“Nick, this is Rick Davis.”

I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up at the sound of his voice. He sounded more serious than when I had talked to him earlier.

“I just got off the phone with Hillsborough D.A.”

“I told you to call the court, why did you call the D.A.? This is something really stupid I did, right?”

“I’m afraid it doesn’t look very good, in fact I have some bad news……right now you’re facing a Third Degree Felony DUI and if the victim doesn’t make it………”

My mind shut down after I heard the words if the victim..

“Nick? Did you hear me?”

I blinked several times, trying to pull myself back from the fog my mind had gone into. “Huh?”

“I asked you if you needed me to call someone for you, I’m concerned.”

“I’ll be okay. H-h—“ I had to stop and clear my throat, “how is the other person?”

“That I haven’t found out yet, give me some time and I’ll check back when I find out. You sure you’re going to be okay? Maybe you should call your father or your mother?”

“Um, I’ll be okay. Just keep me posted.”

“Alright Nick. I’ll be talking to you again soon.”

“Thanks.”

I didn’t wait for a reply back from Rick, instead I closed my phone and sank down to the floor, drawing my knees up to my chest.

Scared shitless.

The sound of the front door being slammed drew me out of my trance. At that moment I had never been filled with as much hatred for myself as I did right now. One weird thing I noticed was that it was dark out and I had been crying.

“Nick? Where are you?”

Wiping the tears off my cheeks, I slowly stood up. “I’m in the kitchen.”

Aaron flipped a light on, instantly blinding me.

“In the dark?” He paused to stare at me questionably. I hoped he wasn’t going to notice that I had been---

“Have you been crying?”

---crying……

I took a shaky breath in before I answered. “Something like that I guess.”

“So I’m guessin’ you found out what you did?”

I shook my head and then shrugged my shoulders. “Yes and no, I called my attorney and all he said was that I was facing a felony DUI.”

Aaron’s eyes grew big. “A felony?”

Aaron’s face got blurred when my eyes got all watery. “Someone got hurt in the accident…I-I don’t know if whoever got hurt will make it.”

“Shit.”

Dragging a hand through my hair, I couldn’t look at my baby brother. I had royally screwed up and I wasn’t sure what was going to happen.

“Rick’s suppose to be calling back to let me know about the person that got hurt.”

“Rick?”

“My attorney,” I said as I watched Aaron open the fridge.

“I’m having one….its been a long day,” Aaron said as he pulled out a bottle of beer. “Do you mind?”

I quickly grabbed the beer from him and put it back into the refrigerator. “Yeah I do mind.” It was one of the last things I wanted to see. “You can have a coke,” I suggested as I switched the beer for a soda.

Aaron shot a dirty look at me. “Since when did you care?”

“Since I woke up in a jail cell this morning with no clue as to what happened that got me here.”

“It’s not like I’m gonna jump in the car and drive,” he spat sourly.

“I wasn’t planning on you leaving but it’s just that you’re only eighteen---“

“Nineteen, asshole.”

“Please don’t start this shit tonight Air,” I begged as I leaned against the counter.

We both stood in the kitchen, not saying anything for a few minutes; Aaron drinking the coke I had given him. Just as I was about to suggest we go into the living room, my cell phone rang. I think both of us just stood there for a few moments, our eyes drawn to where the phone laid on the counter.

“Do you want me to answer it?” Aaron offered.

Taking a breath in, I shook my head as I picked up my cell.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Nick?”

“Yes.”

“I checked on the passengers----“

I freaked. ”Passengers?”

“You weren’t alone in your car and of course the driver in the other car….”

I swallowed hard. “Y-yeah.”

“The driver in the car you hit is being held overnight for observation. Both of the passengers in your car are in ICU and listed as critical.”

My heart sank. Both.

“Who was in the car with me?”

“Nick, they were your two friends Rob and Josh. The hospital said that the doctors weren't sure if either one will make it. They said it was basically hour by hour."

In an instant, my world went crashing around me.

Nick….Nick?”

I found myself staring up at Aaron’s face. Immediately, he squatted down on the floor next to me. “You dropped this,” he said as he offered my cell phone back.

Numbly, I took the cell back, not saying anything as I started to get up from the floor only to be stopped by my brother’s hand on my shoulder.

“I think you need to sit down for a few minutes….you seemed to act like you were gonna pass out or something….I think you blacked out.”

“Huh?”

“You asked the attorney who was in the car with you….”

Immediately my attorney’s words crept back into my head. I put my hands over my face.

“What did he say? Nick……? What did he tell you?”

“H-he said the guys…” I started sobbing. Aaron’s hand on my shoulder somewhat calmed my frayed nerves and I looked at him for a moment. “They might not make it,” I whispered.

Aaron stared at me, “Who? Nick, who was with you?”

“Rob and Josh.”

“So that explains the DUI.”

My head shot up. “What the fuck is that suppose to mean?” I snapped.

“You know exactly what that means,” Aaron retorted.

I bore my eyes into my brother. I swear I could literally feel my blood boil. “You sound just like mom…don’t you fucking throw that type of shit at me!” I seethed. “All I know is two of my friends are laying in the hospital because of me. I don’t need your shit on top of this!”

Aaron stood up and grabbed the coke can that was on the island counter. “I’m sorry you took it the wrong way, but you know how Rob can always be persuasive and you are easily led; don’t deny it Nick!”

I opened my mouth to reply and stopped. Aaron was right. Rob always got me to do stupid shit; there was no denying that. Why didn’t I say no to him last night?

I grabbed the keys that were laying on the counter.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I have to go to the hospital and see how they’re doing,” I muttered as I started toward the front door.

“Nick, you can’t.”

“Why? They’re my friends---“

“I’m pretty sure you don’t have a license anymore,” Aaron interrupted.

I stopped for a moment and then continued toward the door. “Yeah, so?”

“Besides if they’re in ICU, they won’t let you see them. Just give me the keys and sit down…..c’mon Nick.”

Reluctantly, I placed the keys in my little brother’s hand. When did Aaron turn into an adult? “I-I just can’t sit around and wait,” I stuttered.

“You have to,” he replied.

Slowly sitting down on the couch, I could feel Aaron’s stare. Normally things like that didn’t get to me; I've been stared at for years by strangers but to be honest, having your little brother give you that pitiful stare really gets under my skin.

“You don’t have to stare at me,” I muttered.

“I wasn’t.”

“Yeah you were. I can feel it.”

“Can’t I be worried about you…..cause I am.”

Leaning forward, I held my head in my hands. The hangover from hell was returning and it seemed stronger than ever. “Just go worry someplace else then,” I asked; not bothering to lift my head up to look at him.

Aaron’s cell cut into the thick silence that hung in the air. He quickly flipped the device open. I silently prayed that he would get up and walk into the kitchen to take the call. My prayers went unanswered and I noticed that he had settled his skinny ass deeper into the couch opposite of me.

"Yo, waddup? No shit? CNN? Wow you’d expect to see that shit on MTV before CNN….hell, I would actually expect to see it only on WTSP…” he rambled.

I hadn’t really paid much attention to his conversation until I heard him utter MTV and WTSP – our local ABC television station. That piqued my attention. I looked up at him.

“Yeah, I’m at his house…..yeah, hey….call me if you hear anything more.” Wordlessly, Aaron snapped the cell phone shut.

After a few minutes of silence, my curiosity gave way. “So what was that all about?”

Aaron shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing.”

“You said something about MTV and channel 10.”

”That?”

I nodded and widened my eyes as I tried to prod Aaron to spill it. “Yeah, that.”

“Just stupid stuff,” he replied as he squirmed on the couch.

I knew that little shit was lying. Aaron had always been a bad liar. His body language always gave him away. “It was about me wasn’t it?”

“Not everything is always about you Nick.”

He couldn’t even look at me when he said that. Now I know he was defiantely lying. “C’mon tell me what’s going on or do I have to turn the TV on?”

“They have pictures of your car on the news on channel 10 and MTV and my friend Jarrid said that there is a crawler on CNN about you getting in an accident and stuff.”

I sighed as I leaned forward and put my head back into my hands. I could see this shit being reported on the local news but MTV and CNN? When I got that DUI a few years ago it was on the local news in California because I was living there back then and I was really stupid. Seems like I should have been smarter and learned my lesson with that DUI. Why the hell didn’t I learn? I took a risk and now two people are laying in the hospital and could die because I was an idiot and got behind the wheel and drove when I had no business driving.

I was so screwed and there was no taking this back. No ‘Nick Carter’ charm could ever get me out of this mess! I completely fucked myself.

The doorbell chimed and me and Aaron stared at each other for a few moments before he stood up.

“I’ll go answer it,” he replied as he started off toward the front door.

“Ask whoever it is to go away, I don’t want to talk to anyone,” I said quietly before I returned to cradle my aching head.

“Nick?”

“I told you I don’t want to see anyone right now, just tell whoever it is to go away.”

An authoritive voice snapped me out of my self loathing. I felt a hand on my upper arm. “Nickolas Carter. We’re placing you under arrest.”

A Florida State Trooper pulled my arms behind me after I stood up and he snapped handcuffs on my wrists.

“My brother bailed me out this afternoon….” I protested.

“You have the right to remain silent……”

I was going to object again to what was happening when the reality of the situation suddenly hit me….someone didn't make it!

The feeling of total humiliation washed over me while I was being processed in the county jail. Although I was pretty sure this had been done only a little over 24 hours ago, I was fingerprinted, a mug shot was taken not to mention strip searched before I was handed a florescent orange scrub shirt, pants and a pair of white flip flop sandals. The only things that I had on me that were mine was a pair of boxers and socks.

A uniformed male clerk shoved a form at me. “Sign at the X.”

My hand shook as I took the pen and scrawled my name where I was directed. I wasn’t cold, only nervous wondering what they had planned for me next.

The officers that arrested me never spoke to me although I had asked what had happened that I was arrested again. I thought I had a right to know but they just treated me like I was invisible. I hadn’t uttered another word as I was being processed. I knew that no one would answer my questions.

It wasn’t until I was led to an 8 x 10 foot cell that I finally spoke again. “When can I call my attorney?”

“When we can fit it into our schedule,” the guard muttered with a smirk as he slammed the door shut.

“But I thought I had rights,” I argued. “When the hell is that going to happen?” My words apparently fell on deaf ears since the guard had already left the area, the slamming of the outside door indicated that he didn’t hear or probably didn’t care.

Turning around, I looked at the cramped room that I had been placed in. A steel bed with a thin mattress jutted out from the wall. There was a stainless steel toilet and sink as well. Absolutely no privacy I noted as I stared at the toilet. There wasn’t even a seat! I would be sitting my ass on cold, hard metal if and when I had to tend to ‘business.’

Laying down on the inch thick mattress, I stared at the water stained ceiling and let my thoughts take over, waiting for the guard to return to let me know I could go and make my phone call.

********

“Hey Carter, get up!”

The booming voice shook me back into reality. I was surprised when I realized that I had fallen asleep, but then again, what else was left for a person to do in an 8 x 10 foot cell?

This time I wasn’t placed in handcuffs to go down to use the phone like I had been the first time, but then again at that time I was still wearing jeans and sneakers.

“You have three minutes,” the guard said as he led me into the small room that reeked of stale cigarette smoke.

With the guard standing in the corner watching me, I stared at the phone for a moment before I once again realized that I did not know my attorney’s phone number just like the last time I had one phone call.

“Can I call information before I make my actual phone call?”

”One call is all you can make today. If you want to call information to get a number to call tomorrow, go ahead, it’s your decision,” the guard replied flatly.

Once again I dialed the number to Aaron’s cell going through the channels of placing the collect call, hoping he was still at my house. He answered by the second ring.

“Collect call from Nick, will you accept the charges?”

“Yeah…..God Nick, how are you? I’m worried.”

“Where are you?” I asked quickly.

“In the car driving to the studio.”

’Shit,’ I mentally cursed. ’Why the hell wasn’t he home waiting for me to call?’

“I thought you’d at least wait at home for me to call,” I finally sputtered.

“Nick I have stuff I have to do besides sitting around your house waiting for you to call me.”

He did have me there. Life goes on outside of this place. “I need you to get a hold of my attorney and let him know that I am back in the county jail.”

“What was his name again?”

Hearing Aaron ask that question, I felt my heart skip a beat. I needed someone to call my attorney and maybe be able to handle the situation I found myself in a better manner. “Skip it Aaron, I need you to call someone else instead.”

I heard my brother sigh into the phone.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” I quickly apologized. “It’s just that what is happening to me is more serious.”

“Why did they arrest you again?”

“I don’t know, no one has told me yet,” I answered as I shook the hospital-type arm band on my free wrist.

”What do you mean no one has told you yet?!”

I pulled the receiver away from my ear when Aaron yelled. “Air, calm down,” I quietly admonished. The receiver grew eerily quiet. I suddenly wondered if my call got dropped by his cell phone carrier.

“Aaron? Are you still there? Aaron?”

Dead silence!

“Hey can I call my brother back? His cell phone dropped the call,” I begged.

The guard stared at me for a moment and then smirked. “I guess I’m feeling generous today. Go ahead but you only have one minute this time.”

I could just call the person who I had thought of having Aaron call, but quickly dismissed the idea knowing that the county jail name would appear on his caller ID. Dialing my brother’s cell number again I waited for only one ring.

“I have a collect call from---“

“Yeah I’ll take it,” Aaron blurted into the phone. “Goddamn Nextel—“

“Aaron I only have one minute to talk,” I interrupted. “I need you to explain that I am in the county jail and he needs to get a hold of my attorney, he knows who I’m talking about.”

“I could do the same thing too you know,” Aaron argued.

“I don’t have time to explain, I just need you to do this for me, okay?”

As Aaron sighed loudly into the phone, I realized I had hurt his feelings.

“I’m sorry, but please I need you to do this for me.”

“Who do I have to call Nick? Dad?”

DAD?? God! I wish our father was better equipped to handle a crisis situation. There were only two people in my life that I could totally rely on for help when I needed it: Kevin Richardson or Brian Littrell. I took the latter because he would be closer to Florida and I knew he was home, plus I knew Aaron had his cell number.

“Please call Brian for me, okay?”

It had been three days since I had called Aaron asking for him to call Brian and help me. Three whole damn days!! At least I think it has….things are sort of running together since I have been sitting in a windowless room with no way of discerning day from night.

Hearing the outer door in the hall open and close, walked over to the edge of my cell and tried to see who was walking in. Basically it was stupid for me to think I could see someone before they got in front of my cell, but you really don’t have any other source of entertainment in this hole.

“What day is this?” I called out.

“What the fuck does it matter to you?” someone grunted back at me.

“Hey it was just a simple question,” I growled back. My patience was wearing thin and I could literally feel the ugliness wash over me as my mood was starting to turn from being scared shitless to angry and ornery.

A paper plate was shoved onto the ledge of my cell door containing a runny looking tuna fish sandwich and a small cluster of cheap potato chips. My hunger strike had ended but once I noticed the paper plate, I debated about starting up the hunger strike again.

“Who the hell makes this shit?” I seethed. Evidently my voice carried farther than I had intended when the person that was serving the food threatened to take the plate away.

“Sorry, I’m just not in a good mood,” I apologized.

The man nodded as he accepted my apology.

‘Whew….score a point for me,’ I decided mentally. “Could you tell me what day this is?”

The older man shook his head in a dejected manner. “Why do you care?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I dunno, days kinda run together…” I started to say as I gestured toward the back wall. “No windows and stuff so I have no idea if it’s night or day.”

“Dis is supper so it’s night.”

I stared at the plate. “Supper?? When the hell did I get lunch?”

“Kid I only gets to your area once a day, someone else brought yous breakfast and yous lunch. I don’t keep track. Dis is only time I gets out of my room. Boy, if I knew wat day dis was I’d tell yous. Da one ding I can tell yous is dat it is at least four o’clock at night.”

“Can you at least take a guess what day this is?”

The old man flashed a three tooth smile. I instantly shivered….

“My guess be Saturday.” When the old man said Saturday, I immediately realized that he had as much insight on days of the week that I did. It wasn’t Saturday, that much I knew.

The old man turned his attention back to the plastic serving carrier and shuffled his way out of my field of view.

After he had left the area I mentally kicked myself. I had so many questions to ask the old man and he seemed willing to talk once I had ‘warmed up’ to him. The gnawing pain in my stomach indicated to me that despite the appearance of the runny tuna fish sandwich, I had to eat since I wouldn’t see another meal until morning.

**********

”CARTER!”

I jerked awake when I heard my name being shouted. The action caused me to fall off the metal bed, landing onto the floor knocking the wind out of me. Thank god the floor was only four feet below.

The guard snorted as he looked down at me lying on the cold cement.

“New room assignment. I’d tell you to take your belongings but you don’t seem to have any,” the guard stated in a gruff voice.

I slowly stood up, rubbing the hip I landed on….I knew that was going to definitely leave a bruise! It also hurt like a bitch!

“Hold your hands out, palms up,” the man ordered.

Silently I did as he asked and I was immediately greeted with a slap of cold metal on my wrists as he handcuffed me. The guard stepped out of the cell and gestured with a nod of his head. “C’mon.”

I limped out of the cell to follow the guard. I seriously wondered if I had injured myself when I fell out of bed!!

“You always walk like that?” the guard asked, definitely feigning concern.

What did it matter? “Yeah,” I mumbled a lie. I suddenly decided to ask the question no one had answered yet. “What day is it?”

“Tuesday.”

’Tuesday? I went out on Friday night, woke up in jail on Saturday morning…..Aaron bailed me out and I went home that afternoon….‘

“C’mon Carter, keep walking,” the guard grunted as he took a hold of my arm.

“It’s Tuesday?” I asked as I limped alongside of the man.

“Yup.”

“What time?”

“Two-thirty.”

“Two-thirty in the afternoon?”

The guard shook his head. “Two-thirty a.m.”

It took my brain a moment to process what the man had said as he led me out to another area of the jail. I had talked to Aaron on Sunday asking him to get a hold of Brian to help me and I haven’t seen or heard from my attorney yet! What the hell was going on?!

We stopped outside an area that was labeled laundry. The guard asked the person dressed in the traditional orange prison scrubs for a pillow and blanket. The man nodded and quickly handed a folded dingy white blanket and a thin pillow.

“Hold your arms out Carter,” the guard grunted waiting for me to do as instructed so he could lay the items across my open arms.

Next I was led into a new area that had two floors. Cells were on the top and the bottom floors that faced a large desk in the center with a guard seated at the desk.

“0713200713572,” the guard said to the man that was sitting at the desk. He clicked in the numbers into the computer.

“Carter?” he asked as he looked at the monitor.

“Yeah.”

The guard at the desk smirked for a moment and then said, “Cell B 16.”

“C’mon,” he said as he placed a hand on my upper arm. The cell he was taking me to was on the second floor and my hip was really starting to bother me as we walked up the small flight of steel steps.

“Lucky you….you have a cell mate,” the man smirked as we stopped outside of the cell waiting for the door to be electronically opened. The guard pushed the blanket and pillow away from my wrists with one hand while he pulled keys from his belt with the other. Without any further conversation, the handcuffs were taken off and I was instructed to go thru the open door.

I walked over to the unoccupied bed and stared at the paper thin plastic covered mattress. Laying the pillow and blanket down, I slowly sat down and then gingerly lifted my leg up to lay down. Pain was shooting downwards from my hip into my left knee. ‘Man, I really messed my hip up,’ I thought to myself. ‘I probably should have said something to that guard when he asked.’

**********

It seemed as if I had only had my eyes closed for a minute when the overhead light in the cell went on.

“Goddamn!” the guy in my cell moaned.

“Rise and shine ladies!” the guard sitting at the desk announced over the intercom.

“What the hell is that all about?” I mumbled outloud.

The cellmate got up and stared down at me for a minute before he cursed. “Sonofabitch! I thought I heard someone coming in last night but I was hoping it was all a bad dream.”

I looked up at the young Latino. He reminded me a little of Howie only with more tattoos than skin. The only thing I could do was give a half smile. This guy sounded like he had some serious anger issues and I didn’t think I was in any position to provoke him. The other thought that popped into my head was all the horror stories about prison rape!! Would I have to start sleeping with my back against the wall??

“I ain’t gonna rape you!” he paused and then smiled. “I ain’t no fag.”

“How’d you know I was thinking that?”

“Body language tells a lot about what a person is thinking. I’m a psychology major.”

‘He doesn’t sound very educated,’ I thought to myself as I nodded. I have been in contact with thousands of people most of my life and I think I can smell a bull shitter a mile a way…well as long as they don’t have huge boobs and bottle blonde hair I’m pretty good at a judge of character – at least that’s what Kevin always told me.

The man turned toward the toilet and started urinating while he started to ask me, “You look familiar, do I know you?”

I raised my eyebrows. “I don’t think so. I don’t even know your name.”

Without washing his hands he came over to me and offered a hand for me to shake. “Name’s CJ.”

I cringed as I looked at his unwashed hand. I noticed he had a letter tattooed on each finger – just like AJ had on one hand….

“Nick,” I said as I swallowed when I shook his hand. I know I’ve probably shook worse hands before. I’ll just get up and wash my hands now…..

“Great, they stick me with a gimp. I don’t like being with gimps.”

“Am I limping?” Stupid question…I knew I was limping. It hurt like hell to move my leg. “This is temporary, I hurt it.”

CJ sat down on his bed waiting to hear about my leg. I didn’t feel very comfortable knowing this guy was watching me while I was taking a leak. I guess this was something I was going to have to get used to for the time being, like it or not.

“Temporary, eh? That’s a first – a gimp with a temporary limp.”

“I said I hurt it,” I muttered.

“Yeah…yeah you said that but you didn’t say how.”

“I was going to tell you but you interrupted me,” I hissed, trying to sound tough all the time trying to think of what to tell him. I didn’t want to sound like a total puss and tell him I fell out of bed. Man, then he would take me for a total wuss. “I hurt it in a fight…..a gang fight.”

CJ leaned forward, his attention was definitely grabbed. “A gang fight? What gang are you affiliated with?”

‘Shit! Good lie Carter!’ I mentally cursed. I needed to come up with a gang name….a non familiar gang name. “You know, Parkside—“

“Parkside?” CJ asked.

“Yeah, Parkside Posse.”

“Never heard of them before.”

“It’s a new strain..” ’Strain?? Did I just say strain? That is what they call flu epidemics! I should just keep my mouth shut!’“Yeah it’s a totally new gang.” ’Totally??’ Now I sound like a teenie. I need to keep my fat mouth shut.

“Sounds cool,” CJ replied, seeming to approve of the gang I was a member of.

Before I could say anything more damning to myself, the cell doors opened. CJ got up and stopped in the doorway.

“Nick, you have to go.”

“Where to?”

“The chow line to get what they call breakfast.”

I took my place in line behind my cellmate for what he explained was mandatory breakfast. You were required to get up when the lights went on in the cell and go down into the chow hall and wait your turn in line while they dished up ”slop on paper plates.” The description in itself had me really excited about eating this morning!!

After having the runny tuna fish sandwich last night for supper, breakfast had to be better. As I looked down at the paper plate I took from the serving counter, I suddenly realized that the runny tuna fish sandwich probably wasn’t that bad after all.

“How the hell can anyone screw up scrambled eggs?” I muttered to my cell mate’s back.

“Hell, they can screw up hot water,” CJ muttered back.

Wordlessly, I followed CJ as we walked to the next available circular stainless steel table. It was conveniently bolted to the floor; the stools were bolted down as well.

Taking the plastic fork I stirred what was supposed to be scrambled eggs around on my plate. “What is the dark stuff mixed in with the eggs?”

CJ laughed. “They call it meat…you get used to it.”

I shoved the plate away. “I don’t plan on staying long enough to get used to any of this stuff.” The words that I had spoken in seriousness, evidently was taken as a joke as the rest of the guys that were at our table laughed at me. I could feel the heat flushing my face from embarrassment. I wanted to crawl under the table to escape their ridicule.

Quickly I became interested in the small carton of milk that came with breakfast. I had never been a big fan of milk or regular coffee for that matter but when that is all you get, you take what you get. Taking a big gulp I was quickly surprised when I was met with the nastiest sour-tasting milk I had ever tasted in my life! I immediately set the carton on top of the plate of my uneaten breakfast.

Today was already off to a great start!

“You should have gotten some toast,” CJ motioned to me with his piece of toast.

“I don’t like burnt toast.” For some reason anything I had said seemed to be the source of amusement for the rest of the men that sat at our table as they once again erupted in laughter.

Loud police whistles broke through the loud conversation from the inmates that had been eating breakfast. I noticed that the majority of the people that hadn’t finished eating were literally shoveling the remainder of their food into their mouths.

I followed CJ’s motions when he stood up and took his plate and plastic utensils with him and dumped it into the large garbage pail at the end of our new line. Once I had completed that task, my eyes caught sight of the clock mounted on the wall underneath heavy bars. It was only 5:00 a.m.

“Do they always wake us up at 5 am to eat breakfast?”

CJ smirked. “This ain’t the Hilton.”

“I guess so,” I mumbled as I looked around a larger area off from the chow hall. There were tables and seats just like those where we ate from, one of the tables had a computer that had obviously been bolted on top. “They let you surf the net?”

“Hell no, that is where you can go and put in your ID and order snacks, toothpaste, soap and stuff from the commissary. You pay from the money that family or your friends drop off at the front desk when they visit you or when you earn money from your job, they put it on your account.”

I narrowed my eyes. “A job?”

“Yeah. You know, they have you do shit around here like work in the library, janitorial stuff, work in the cafeteria and laundry,” CJ stated. “It’s stupid employment to earn roughly twenty-five cents an hour. If you’re lucky, you have rich friends that can keep your account full of money.”

As much as I wanted to repeat about not being in this place long enough to have to do a job, I kept my mouth shut. I had already been laughed at enough already.

Wordlessly, I followed CJ back to our cell, immediately laying down on my bed. Sleep would be the only escape from this hell! The shouting and loud laughter from the surrounding cells definitely would be making sleep difficult for anyone to get. It didn’t help that CJ was talking to someone standing outside of our cell .

**********

“Carter! Get up and come with me,” a massive guard bellowed as he stood next to my bed.

“Why?” I croaked as I looked up at the man. ‘Why can’t they let me try and get some sleep?’

“I didn’t ask you if you wanted to come, I’m telling you to come…get your ass up NOW.”

‘Pleasant guy,’ I thought to myself as I slowly sat up. These damn beds were so hard I swear I would never be able to sleep on a normal mattress when I leave this place. It would be too soft!

The guard was actually glaring at me while I slowly stood up.

”I don’t have all day!”

“Jesus, I’m moving as fast as I can,” I snapped. I finally had enough of this guy.

“You need to tone down that attitude Carter. We don’t treat inmates that like to be insubordinate very well. You will lose some privileges for this,” the guard said while he barked at me to hold my arms out.

“Insubordinate? What the fuck are you talking about?” I asked innocently. I had no idea what this guy was talking about.

The guard snapped the handcuffs onto my wrists harder than any of the other people had done previously. I don’t think this guy particularly liked me for some reason!

“Swearing Nick, you never swear at the guards, they don’t like you swearing at them,” CJ pointed out. “Right Dean?”

Dean?! CJ must know this guard by first name…..but I am not going to be in this place long enough to know anyone by their first names! That I was certain of!

”CARTER! Head on out the door!” Dean said as he jerked on my arm.

Damn…..I spaced out! I can’t keep pissing this guy off!

“Where are you taking me?” I asked quietly as I limped alongside the muscular guard.

“The Corrections Industry Director.”

Okay, this person has a long title but that still didn’t give me a clue where I was going and what this was for.

“For what?”

“You ask too many questions. Keep your mouth shut and just keep walking.”

Without any further words, the guy that CJ called Dean led me down probably 5 different halls which practically killed my leg and hip before we finally arrived outside a wooden door with a silver name plate with the name Preston G. Lindstrom, Phd, C.I.D. on it.

The guard knocked twice before someone on the other side told us to enter.

“Nickolas Carter,” the guard announced as he led me into the room. He then pushed my shoulder forcing me to sit on the chair in front of the large mahogany desk.

The older man behind the desk thumbed through a stack of folders while I sat there waiting, the only sounds in the room was the ticking of the large clock on the wall and the noise the metal links on the handcuffs made as I nervously moved my wrists trying to find a comfortable position.

Looking up at the clock I noted that it was now 6:45 a.m. Not that the time made that much difference in this place, there wasn’t too much else to do to hold my interest at the moment.

The man put a pair of reading glasses on when he pulled out what was more than likely my chart. “What skills do you have,” he asked as he looked up from the folder.

“What skills do I have?” I echoed. What the heck is he talking about?

“What did you do before you were incarcerated?”

This had my heart beating rapidly. INCARCERATED?

“I haven’t gone to court yet,” I squeaked. Quickly I cleared my throat and repeated my words.

“Yeah, but you’re in Hillsborough County Jail so therefore you are incarcerated. What did you do before you were incarcerated?” he asked again.

“I’m a singer,” I stated, not sure where this was going.

“I see,” the man replied with a smirk. He flipped through a few more pages and wrote hastily on one of the sheets and then quickly signed his name, handing it to the guard.

“Carter was insubordinate twice before he came to see you,” the guard announced as he took the sheet of paper from the man.

I narrowed my eyes and shook my head. What a fucking narc!

The man flipped the chart open again, thumbing to another section. “Three days suspension from telephone,” the director said while he scribbled a note on the paper.

“Three days?!” I loudly protested.

“Five,” the man said as he crossed out what he wrote and updated the punishment.

“B-but I didn’t know I even had phone privileges,” I explained calmly.

The older man’s gaze met mine. “No one has explained policies to you?”

“I know I’m not in any position for you to believe me or not, but I am telling you the truth. No one has told me anything since I was brought back here after I was bailed out the first time. I haven’t talked to my attorney, I only had one phone call and I think that was on Sunday. I didn’t know I had any phone rights. I don’t know what my rights are at this point.”

The man’s gaze went from my face to the guard’s. “Officer Greene, when you take him back to his cell, I want you to bring Officer Tait down.”

“Yes Mr. Lindstrom.”

“I expect all of our inmates to know what is expected of them. It is hard to run an effective corrections facility if they do not know the policies and guidelines of their communities.”

I guess in a way I got this guard in trouble! That’s what he gets for narking on me! Asshole!

The director explained the policies and procedures of the county jail to me and explained what was expected of me while I was here. I lost interest in the policies and procedures crap; I was only interested in what my privileges were. I found out that I had rights: to the phone for a total of 15 minutes a day to be used between the hours of 9 am until 8 pm, a shower twice a week, clean uniform twice a week, outdoor exercise daily for an hour a day and the commissary to purchase basic needs that are not provided by the jail.

The one thing that was gross was that I would only be able to shower twice a week! The other gross thing was that I had to buy my own toiletries which brought me back to the realization that I had not only didn’t have toiletries but no money in an account to buy them!!

I thanked the director when he told me that he had rescinded my telephone suspension. All I had to do now was wait until 9 to call Brian and find out why I’m back here….

It seemed like an eternity waiting in the long line for my turn to use a phone. CJ told me I was crazy to even think that I would get to a phone at nine; the lines were always far too long. He doesn’t know how determined Nick Carter can be!

Despite my day starting out badly, I was fortunate enough to find myself next in line to use the phone and the clock on the wall indicated it was only nine thirty-five. What CJ failed to tell me, I realized when I lifted the receiver, that I needed to know my assigned inmate number!

”Carter!”

I winced when I heard the guard yelling out my name.

“Can’t you see I’m using the phone?”

“Hang up, you have to come with me!”

“After I’m done with the phone,” I growled.

The guard immediately pulled the receiver from my hand and slammed the phone down. ”You do what I tell you to do, asshole.”

I glared at the old man that was towering over me where I was sitting.

“Fuck you!” I immediately regretted uttering those words when the man jerked me from my seat. I probably will get reported and punished for swearing at the man!

“I don’t have time for you….you’re a pain in the ass,” the man muttered as he pulled me along by the arm.

I jerked my arm away from him, he was leading me faster than my bum leg would allow and it was hurting me.

“I’ll follow you,” I said quickly.

The man didn’t release his grip from my arm. “You lost that chance when you swore at me. Swearing doesn’t earn points buddy.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. Buddy? “I’m sorry I swore at you, it’s just that I waited in line to use the phone and when I finally got to it---“

“Shut up! I really don’t care to hear about your problems,” the guard hissed as he led me into a windowless room. “Strip down.”

“Huh?”

“Take your clothes off!”

My eyes widened at his request. Was this how prison rape happens?

“Why?” I squeaked.

“Strip seach,” he grunted.

Shit! They did this when I first got here…it was really embarrassing because you have to stand naked in front of the guards as they looked you over and then they have you turn around and bend over and spread your legs so they can look at your ass! I honestly didn’t want to do this again.

“Please, can I just go back to my cell?”

The guard looked anything but pleased at my request.

“You’re incarcerated, you do as I say when I say it.” He narrowed his eyes at me. ”STRIP DOWN NOW!”

The words gay sprung into my head as I took off my clothes; hands shaking as I complied with the man’s demands. Once he finished with my humiliation of being looked at stark naked, he told me it was okay to get dressed again.

Tears pooled in my eyes as I got dressed; I wanted to die after suffering from the visual inspection. Once I got dressed the guard opened the door that I hadn’t noticed before.

Inside the next room was a table and two chairs. A man wearing a business suit was seated at the table. He stood up when I entered the room, extending his hand out for me to shake.

“Frank Russo,” the man said.

I took the man’s hand and shook it, puzzled as to why this guy was here.

He seemed to have read my mind. “I was contacted by your family attorney to take this case.”

He gestured to the empty chair, indicating to sit down.

“Hands on the table, Carter!” the guard barked as soon as I put my hands in my lap. Looking at Frank, I rolled my eyes and then placed my hands on top of the table.

“Do you know why you’ve been arrested again after bail had been posted?”

I nodded. That was one of the questions, but I suddenly decided it would be better for him to talk and me to listen at this point.

“The D.A. from Tampa—“

‘Boy, I wished this guy would start out in English!’ I thought to myself. Again, he read my mind and he quickly repeated himself.

“The district attorney from Tampa issued a warrant for your arrest after he reviewed your case. He felt there was a mistake in allowing bail.”

“A mistake?”

“The district attorney feels that because you’re facing a possible felony DUI that you shouldn’t be allowed to be free on bail. I am working to get this expunged.”

“Expunged?” why the hell didn’t this guy speak in layman’s terms…..

“Reverse it, strike out.”

“Oh,” I replied dully. It wasn’t that I didn’t care what this Frank guy was saying to me, he was just saying terms that I had no freaking idea what he was telling me.

“Do you have any questions for me?”

Boy, did I have questions for him! “No one has died?” I was afraid to hear the answer.

“When I checked before I left my car to come in here..no, no one has expired.”

Forgetting where I was, I automatically put my hands down to rub the sweat off my palms.

”CARTER! Hands on the desk!”

“How soon can I get out?”

Frank gave me a soulful looking smile. “I’m working on it.” Without any further words, he stood up and shook my hand again. “Hang in there Nick.”

I raised my eyebrows at the last remark. “That’s pretty much all I can do around here.”

As soon as my meeting with the attorney started, it ended and I once again found myself being led into the windowless room. Thankfully, instead of being asked to strip down, the guard patted me down.

“What the hell….you just stood in the room with me,” I protested.

“Just doing my job smartass.”

Once he was done frisking me, he led me out of the room. My hopes in finding the phones available when he took me back to the large area were quickly dashed as I found that the line was even longer than the first time! I think the guard sensed my frustration because he snickered as we walked into the area.

“Don’t get your hopes up Carter,” he muttered as he let go of my arm. “I heard you’re going to be called in for work detail soon.”

Work detail?! I wanted to know what they had planned for me, but I pushed that thought aside since I knew this guard had it out for me for some reason.

Luck was on my side this time when the long line became shorter and before I knew it, I was actually sitting at the phone.

“I need to know your number before I can place the call,” an impatient voice stated into the phone after I lifted the receiver.

Just as I was beginning to lose hope I remembered the hospital-type bracelet that was on my left wrist. Thank god the numbers were stamped on the identification along with my first and last name. Once I gave the woman my numbers and the number for Brian’s cell phone, she dialed the number to outside an outside operator.

“Who shall I say the collect call is from?”

“Nick.”

Brian’s cell rang four times before he picked up. My heart leapt for joy hearing his voice.

“Nick….oh my gosh, are you okay?”

Tears sprang into my eyes, his voice was tainted with concern as well as fear. “I’m okay I guess,” I said, my voice thick with emotion.

“Aaron called me practically after I saw the news about your accident on TV. What happened?”

“I wish I knew,” I replied; my voice shaking.

“Oh Nick.”

“My attorney told me that no one has died, but he doesn’t know if I can get released from this place yet…something about the district attorney not wanting me out. Brian, I’m scared,” I finally admitted.

“I’m scared too,” Brian agreed. “We’re on our way to see you.”

We? Is he bringing Leighanne with him? Shit, that’s all I needed was Leighanne coming to see me in jail.

“Where are you right now?”

“Just crossed the state lines. Hopefully we can see you tomorrow.”

Again with the word we…who is he talking about?

“We?”

”CARTER!” that guard that had it out for me yelled across the room. I cringed.

“Brian, who is the we you’re talking about?”

“Did I just hear someone yell your name?”

“Bri…quick….tell me who is we! I don’t have much time here…”

Before Brian answered, the guard snatched the phone from my hand. I had finally had enough! Before I knew it, next thing that happened was an all out fight ensued between myself, the guard and a whole bunch of inmates!

Holy shit, I was totally going to be paying for this!!

“Fifteen days loss of phone privileges Carter,” the warden said as he glared at me from across the desk. “Was it worth it?”

At first I was going to tell the warden that getting in trouble wasn’t worth it, but a smile that tugged at my lips couldn’t be hidden as I thought about the cheap shot punch I threw at the asshole of guard when I was pulled away from him.

“Hell yeah it was,” I whispered. Knowing that admitting pleasure in punching a guard would only bestow more punishment, I shook my head negatively trying my best to wipe the smile off my face. “No sir, it wasn’t worth it and I am sorry for punching him.”

The warden stared at me for a moment before he flipped a file open. “Loss of phone privileges are only the beginning---“

“What the fuck! There’s more?! I said I was sorry!” The guard that was standing in the room pressed a firm hand on my shoulder silently urging me to keep quiet. My mouth always had a history of getting me in trouble and today proved to be no exception. “Fifteen days of not being able to use the phone is a pretty heavy punishment for hitting that guy,” I argued.

“See to it that Carter mops all the entry ways,” the man said as he hastily scribbled into the file and then handed a piece of paper to the guard. “Get him out of my sight.”

As soon as the guard took the paper from the warden he told me to get up. That seemed to be the key phrase said to me lately – get up. Well I guess there were more phrases but it seemed like get up was the one usually used in the past twenty-four hours.

“See what fighting earns you?”

Why do these people seem so content on trying to push my buttons? I have never liked having things thrown in my face after I do something stupid. AJ was always the king of instigators in starting knock down drag out fights between me and him. I honestly think that guy got off on watching me get so pissed that I was crying. He wouldn’t let up and then we would literally do wrestling holds until Kevin would come in and break it up. Bone would always be the victim when Kevin would stop the fights andI would get pegged as the instigator every damn time! Why does everyone always think I am at fault? Like today is not exception but what about this DUI? Was I behind the wheel of the car driving? Are they sure I was even driving?

“Carter, move along!”

Crap! I had been spacing out and when the guard pulled at my arm to get me to follow him, it pulled at the handcuffs, digging them into my wrists not to mention the shackles around my ankles nearly tripping me. Why did they have to have me tied up like a murderer?

“Hey can you slow down? I can’t walk that well—“

“I’ve heard all the sob stories Carter, just keep walking.”

Instead of being led back to my cell, I was taken down to a large janitorial room. I stood, waiting for the guard to take the handcuffs and shackles off. After the man started moving toward the door without making any attempts in freeing me from the bonds, I spoke up.

“You know it would be hard for me to do what y’all want me to do with this stuff on,” I said as I held my arms out.

“Quit being impatient,” the guard muttered as he looked down the hall. “I’m looking for the trustee….there he is, hey Charlie! I have one in here for you.”

Charlie appeared in the doorway, a huge six foot four black male that I swear that was as wide as he was tall. Sweat was literally running out of every pore on his body and talk about B.O….I could smell that dude before he even set foot in the room.

Finally the guard took my handcuffs and shackles off as he spoke to the sweaty, foul smelling trustee. “Charlie, this is Nick. He will be mopping the entry ways for the next two weeks.”

”Two weeks!”

“As you probably have noticed, Nick has a problem with his mouth,” the guard announced with a cocky smirk. God, I hated that guy as much as the one I punched in the mouth earlier.

“Why do I have to do this for two weeks?”

“Because Warden James ordered it. If you decide you don’t want to do your job, I’m sure he can add more things to your punishment.”

“I want to go back to my cell.” Who would have thought I would have ever uttered those words in my life? I barely got to know the ropes of this place and now I had to work out a punishment! “Please? I don’t feel very good.”

The guard dismissed my request with a shake of his head. “When you get done with the mopping you probably can go back to your cell.”

Without anything further being said by the guard, he left the janitorial room. Now I was looking up at Charlie who smiled at me with a mouthful of rotten looking teeth.

“See them buckets along the wall? You take it over to the sink and pour in the cleaner and then fill the bucket with hot water. You can roll the bucket up to the sink.”

I stared at Charlie in disbelief. “Let me see if I got this…..you want me to pull the bucket over to the sink and fill it with soap and water?”

Charlie belly laughed at my question. “Why the fuck would I want to do your work? The longer you stand here and ask me stupid questions the longer it’s gonna take for you to do your job asshole.”

“Maybe if you worked you wouldn’t be such a fat ass tub of lard,” I spat back as I walked toward the buckets.

“I don’t give a shit what you think about me, I’m just a step below the guards so if you give me shit you’ll get punished more so if I were you, I’d kiss my ass.”

There was no way in hell I would go near Charlie to kiss his ass….whoa, wait he meant that figuratively - at least I hoped that was what he meant. I wonder if people turn gay in jail??

“C’mon grab a mop from the closet and get your white ass moving.”

Charlie jerked me back into reality and I limped over to the closet, pulling a clean mop out. Remembering how cleaning people in hotels moved their mops and buckets in the lobby, I did my best to simulate their movements as I followed Charlie waddle down the corridor in front of me. God, I could close my eyes and follow the stench of that dude!

“Are you going to shower sometime today?” I hissed through clenched teeth. I swear I was going to get sick from the b.o.!

“Okay, this is entry number one, take your mop, drain it in there and go back and forth starting from the door and working your way back,” Charlie directed as he leaned against the wall.

I would love to see this guy actually bust a sweat from doing something else but just breathing! “Why don’t you show me how to do it? I’m not sure I would do this the right way.”

“Just do it.”

I finally stuck the mop back into the water when I finished the last sweep of the entryway. “All done, can I go back to my cell now?”

“You have five more entryways to do then you can go back your cell.”

My eyes widened. “Five more?”

“Yeah five more.”

“But this took me a half an hour to do!” I protested as I pointed to the clock on the wall. “That will be a three hour job when I get done not counting the time it takes for your lard ass to get down the to the entryways!”

Charlie only shook his head at my protests. “Wow you can add? What else do you have to do?”

He did have me; I had absolutely nothing to do all day long! They wake you up at 4:30 in the morning and CJ said that lights go out at 8:30 every night.

“So I have to do this for two weeks?”

“Two weeks.”

“Are you freakin serious?”

“Like I said, what else do you have to do?”

My mind raced with the thought of having to mop entryways for two weeks. That means it would fill up the empty space of having nothing to do for three hours a day, leaving the rest of the day for complete boredom or if I got lucky enough, sleep.

I sighed when I finally lay down on the two inch thick mattress of my bed. I thought I had died mopping the entryways of the building. It took me more than three hours to finish the chore that had been issued as my punishment and my back ached as if I had done an entire concert. I do more types of physical things during a concert, but mopping those floors and having my back constantly stooped over killed me.

Would I start another fight with that guard again? Hell yeah I would; it was still worth it! I guess I never learn my lesson. I need to stop my brain from thinking right now, though. I want to sleep. I was away from that stinky ass Charlie and I just wanted to escape this hell by sleeping. Maybe when I wake up, my lawyer will have figured a way to get me out of this hell hole.

Speaking of stinky ass Charlie, I realized that I must smell too! Sweat does that to people. I doubt I smelled as bad as Charlie, he was just gross, but I wondered when I would get a chance to take a shower. Is this something I can ask to do? My cell mate wasn’t around, go figure so my next choice would be to go out and ask the guard that was sitting at the desk facing our cell block.

I rose up on my arm as I debated going to ask and then quickly dismissed the thought when I realized I would have to walk down a flight of stairs to get to the man. My hip was too sore to walk two feet let alone a flight of stairs. I’ll wait and ask CJ when he comes back.

“Carter, get up!”

A man’s loud voice woke me up from my safe haven. I had literally just fallen asleep! What the hell! Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes.

“Come with me.”

That’s it? Come with me? No explanation?

“Where are you taking me?”

“Visitors lounge.”

Visitors lounge? Who the hell would come to see me now?

“What time is it?”

“A little after two p.m.”

Before I was led to the visitors lounge, I was led into another windowless room as before when the attorney came to see me and like before, I was asked to strip down for a search. Why were these people so obsessed with strip searches?

After the inspection, I was taken to a large, new area that resembled a doctors waiting room. The guard directed me to a couch. “You can sit here, your visitors are being processed.”

I jerked. “Processed?”

“They get patted down and checked, its standard procedure.”

I involuntarily shuddered. Someone was getting searched to visit me? That made me feel like complete shit.

“Don’t get all excited about this room to see visitors. Normally you would be going into a room and talking to them through a plate glass window. Feel lucky you can see them here today.”

Once the guard stepped away, another door opened and the next thing I knew, I was crying. Brian came to see me.

And he brought Kevin!

I completely ignored the guard that was standing in the corner as I wiped the tears from my cheeks as they fell. I’m sure he was going to make fun of me for crying later, but I didn’t really care at the moment. Two people I cared about more than anything else in this world came to see me…the look of anguish on Kevin’s face immediately made my heart sink.

“God Nicky….” he whispered as he wrapped me into the tightest hug I think I ever got from him in my entire life. He withdrew me from the hug, looking me over for a moment and then he hugged me again.

What seemed to be an eternity, Kevin finally released me from the bear hug, turning me over to his cousin. Brian practically imitated the hugs from Kevin and I suddenly grew worried that the guard in the corner would tell me that my time was up and we would never have a chance to talk!

“How are you holding up?” Kevin asked, I was aware that he was looking at what I assumed was my disheveled appearance and I instantly felt uncomfortable.

“As best as I can,” I answered truthfully, embarrassed that they had to see me like this.

Tears started to form in Brian’s eyes as he asked, “How on earth did this happen Nick?”

I could only shrug my shoulders to that question. “To be honest, I have no idea what happened….it’s all blank in my mind.”

Kevin could only shake his head at my answer. “You gotta have some type of clue. Don’t you remember anything?”

Damn Kevin with his interrogations! I always felt horrible when he demanded answers to things I did….even if it was AJ that did something wrong, I was the one that got blamed for shit because I was never an effective liar; that and the fact that I was the first one that always seemed to get pegged by Kevin because I was the youngest.

“Did you hear what I said Nick?”

’Crap, I spaced out…’

“Yeah, I heard you….I don’t know Kev..the last thing I remembered was taking a shower before I guess I went out,” answered, suddenly feeling awkward about talking about showering. “I know that is something I would love to do right now,” I mumbled.

Brian gave me a strained smile. “I can tell that you haven’t done that for a while.”

“Hair’s probably looking pretty greasy I suppose,” I gestured to my head.

Kevin looked at me, wide-eyed. “You haven’t been able to do that?”

“No, I guess we are only allowed twice a week….they have weird rules and stuff and god forbid that I question anything around here,” I grumbled directing my eyes toward the guard in the corner.

“You have two more minutes Carter!”

Hearing the man shout my last name, I winced. Immediately, Kevin stood up, opening his arms to hug me one last time.

“Is there anything I can do for you Nick?” Kevin whispered as he pulled me close.

As much as I hated to ask, I knew I had to….”Could you throw a few dollars into my account before you leave, I have to buy my own crap…soap, deodrant and shampoo. They don’t give you that stuff I guess.”

“Don’t worry about that stuff,” Brian said quietly. “Just think positive.”

“It’s kinda hard to.”

“Nick, you really have to try,” Kevin pressed. “It would be too easy to get depressed in this place and just give up.”

I shook my head. “It would be kind of hard to try and kill myself in here..”

Brian’s eyes grew wide no doubt at the thought. “Kevin’s not talking about that; were you Kev?”

“No! I’m just saying that you just need to keep your chin up. I talked to your attorney and he sounds like he is doing his best to get you out of this mess.”

I rolled my eyes at Kevin’s words. ‘It would take a huge miracle to get me out of the felony charge.’

The guard walked over to me and took my arm. “Time’s up.”

“We’ll be back,” Kevin promised as I had no other choice but to go in the direction the guy was pulling me.

“Is something wrong with your leg?” Brian called out.

“He probably hurt it in the car accident….”

I didn’t get a chance to answer them, but I heard Kevin’s theory; besides I couldn’t have answered the question if I wanted to. I was quickly pulled through the open door.

“Strip down pretty boy,” a new guard ordered that was waiting for me in the room.

’Pretty boy?!’ That was a phrase I had grown to hate when the band first started out. The media loved to call me pretty boy especially when the rumors were spread that I was gay.

After the other guard left the room, I was alone with this new guy. Suddenly I felt a little nervous at this man’s prying eyes.

”Pretty boy, get a move on!”

’I knew exactly what that guy was after..’

“Why don’t you come over here and help me then,” I sneered, instantly regretting my smart mouth.

Before I could correct my comment, the guard lunged at me, knocking me onto the hard cement floor. ”Listen here smart guy, you don’t ever talk to authority like that!” The guy started pounding the side of my head with a closed hand. When he grew tired of smacking my head, he tossed a few punches to my side. ”Get up!”

Slowly I turned over, trying my best to get up on my feet. Pausing on my hands and knees, I saw blood dripping onto the floor. ’I’m bleeding!’

”I don’t have all day Carter, get your ass up!”

‘This guy was going to be in so much trouble for doing this,’ I thought to myself as I sat on my knees, slowly gathering the strength to stand.

The man snickered as he watched me stand. Evidently he knew what I was thinking. “Don’t even think you can report this, cause I am filing a report that you were attacking me.”

‘How the hell could he get away with what he just did to me? Wasn’t there some cameras or something that would be watching this room?’

Instead of just being walked out of the room and back to my cell, the guy decided I needed to be handcuffed.

“I’d have your ass shackled, but I don’t have the time or the energy to call for backup…get your pretty ass moving,” the guard said as he tugged at the handcuffs, making them press hard into my wrists.

“Do you get off on hurting me for some reason?” I grumbled, feeling a little safer now that he had me away from the room and out in the open.

“You have no idea.”

I could tell that blood was starting to run down the side of my face, the side of my scrub shirt was starting to feel wet.

“I guess I have to take your ass down to the infirmary and have the nurse check you over,” the man growled, stopping me. He pushed my head to the side. “Yeah, looks like you’re going to need stitches…what a pity. That pretty face is going to have a scar.”

After the nurse stitched up the cuts on my scalp and the side of my forehead, I was returned to my cell by the bastard guard that assaulted me. All the way back he had threatened me to keep my mouth shut - telling me that if I didn’t there would be more hell to pay.

Slowly making my way into the cell, the guard stopped me and took the handcuffs off my wrists. I instinctively rubbed them. “You’ve been through a rough patch, you better lay down Nick.”

I winced at the familiarity this guy was putting on; trying to sound like we were best friends. The look that was given to me by him indicated that I needed to act like we were best friends. “Thanks Pete, I’m sure everything will be okay,” I said quietly.

As soon as Pete left, my cellmate CJ studied my face. “Nick, what the hell happened to you?”

Scared to death of that guy’s threats, I quickly came up with a lie. “I tripped and fell.”

“Wow, you sure did a number on your face…”

“Yeah I guess. I sorta fell into the wall and then smacked my head on the floor…I’m a klutz.” I tried to add a smile to make light of the question, but that definitely wasn’t something I found out I was able to do. My split lip stopped me from even trying to smile! “Fuck,” I muttered. Since the thing they called for a ‘mirror’ in our cell that showed anything like a reflection, I was almost too scared to ask. “How bad do I look?”

CJ moved over to my bunk, staring at my face letting out a low whistle. “You sure don’t look like a poster boy, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Jesus,” I breathed. “Do I look that bad?”

The Latino grinned. “I have seen guys more messed up than you, Carter. Don’t try to flatter yourself.”

Biting my bottom lip, I tried not to make a sound as I laid back into my bunk. I watched CJ as he walked toward the open door to our cell.

“Yo! shithead….c’mere and take a look at how messed up Carter looks.”

“Thanks for inviting the entire cell block in to look at my face,” I growled, wishing the floor would swallow me so I wouldn’t have to be studied like some animal at the zoo.

“Holy shit…you said you fell into the wall?” CJ questioned again as he studied my face closer.

“Yeah, <i><b>so</b></i>?” I shot back, trying to sound all tough-guy.

The other guy that CJ invited looked at my face and started to laugh. “Wow that looks like some messed up shit.”

My face hurt so much, not to mention that my left eye was starting to swell shut, I didn’t bother saying anything back. Closing my right eye, I tried to will myself to go to sleep.

“Since when do the walls have knuckle prints?” CJ asked.

’SHIT!’ I opened my good eye to look at him. “Huh?”

“He definitely has some bruises on his face that looks like Carter was punched…”

“So what if I do? It’s none of your business anyway,” I lied.

‘God, why do I have to be such a wuss? I wanted so badly to call out that Pete guy but I was scared what he would do to me the next time he got me alone with him.

“Who did you fight with? Does he look worse than you do?”

“Probably. He was bloodied up that’s all I know….they pulled me off of him so I really didn’t get a good look at how messed up he is,” I said, trying to come up with some type of interesting lie to get them away from me. “I have no idea who anyone is in this shithole so stop asking me stupid questions.”

I heard CJ move with the other guy out of our cell, I felt a little more at ease figuring he would drop the subject. When the bells sounded, I groaned.

“Shit…shit…shit,” I cursed as I slowly sat up. God, I seriously did not want to eat dinner.

“Carter, you coming?”

“Can you just go without me, I want to sleep,” I grumbled.

“You wanna get in serious shit when you don’t show?”

‘I wondered if they really would know that I wasn’t down in the cafeteria….there are gazillion people down there,’ I thought to myself.

“Nick, make it easy on yourself and just suck it up and c’mon. Maybe that guy you messed up will be down there!”

“Hope not,” I mumbled, dragging myself out of the bunk. God, my face hurts, my hip hurts…what next?

Standing in line behind CJ, I remembered he mentioned that inmates could purchase things on those computers. I had asked Kevin if he could throw some money in my account before he left…..

“Hey CJ, how do I go get stuff from that store on the computer?”

“The commissary?”

“The what?”

“Commissary….that’s what they call that place, like we’re in a Hilton or something.”

I shuddered. ’Hilton! now there’s a last name I don’t like hear being spoken out loud….she’s a fuckin’ bitch and a half.’

CJ immediately started looking around the line, I leaned out to see what he was looking at.

“Is that guy you messed up around here?”

“Huh?”

“You looked all pissed for a minute…”

“Nah, you just said Hilton….reminds me of something I didn’t like. So what about that store thing?”

“I’ll show you after we eat,” he said, stopping in mid-sentence when some type of casserole mixture was slopped on the plate. “Oh that looks delish,” he muttered at the guy dressed in jail scrubs that was serving the food.

I looked at the stuff on my plate. “What is this shit?”

“Meat, potatoes and gravy,” the guy growled.

“Move along,” one of the guards barked, jabbing me hard in the side with a stick. The poke caught me off balance and I fell into the side of the serving table.  

I shot a glare with my one good eye at the guard. “I was moving!”

“Just keep the line flowing, this ain’t no concert…I’ll get your autograph later,” he grinned.

My posture stiffened when the guard made that comment. He seemed to know who I was. Hopefully no one else clued in on it. I took a carton of milk and this time a slice of bread, knowing the slop we were given probably wasn’t edible. I kept moving along where the line was going and soon I was sitting at one of the steel circular tables.

One of the guys at our table kept staring at me while he ate, making me feel uncomfortable. “Got a staring problem pal?”

“Jesus Nick, full of attitude today?” CJ asked with a mouthful of food.

“I just don’t like being stared at, okay,” I hissed as I pushed my plate away.

“You, of all people should be used to being stared at kid…”

I jerked to see who made that comment. It was the guard named Pete.

“Whatever,” I mumbled. ‘God shut up Pete….shut up!’

“Being in front of tens of thousands of screaming girls you should be used to being watched,” Pete continued.

I had enough from Pete. He just wanted to push me for some reason. “Knock it off!”

“Carter doesn’t like to be teased?” Pete asked with a baby voice.

Another guard rushed up to Pete. “Hey, you’re wanted in the warden’s office.”

Pete shot me a look before he left that literally made me shiver. If he gets in trouble he is going to think I said something! ’Shit….I need to get out of this place! NOW..... I need Kevin!’