Prologue


It’s funny. I think about my life before it happened and it seems like the life of another person. Another world almost. It’s just odd. I wonder now just what I did and how I used to get through each day before my life changed. I didn’t realize at first though just how much it would change. Or even that it was gonna change. I didn’t think something so random, so small could alter everything. Guess that’s how fate likes to play things isn’t it? Something you think at the time is nothing. Something you think is so insignificant…ends up rocking your entire world in such a dramatic way…you wonder if it was really that thing that did it. Am I even making any sense? To some I bet I am. Those who have had something like that happen anyway. To those who haven’t, well I’ll start at the beginning. Before it happened and it was just another day in the life of Calypso Lynn Rayne. Which would be me, if you didn’t know. I know to most this story won’t be much but I want to write it. I just want to show everyone how even the smallest things, can effect everything you know in a way you never dreamed.

“Just Another Day”

Chapter One: Ordinary Wallflower

As you already know my name is Calypso Rayne of all things. I know, what were my parents thinking? I always got jokes about my name obviously but I dealt. I always just used to reply back that if I ever became famous I would have the perfect stage name. I was never exactly pretty. Not saying I was hideously ugly either, just….not rock ‘em sock ‘em pretty. The youngest in a family of three children, with older siblings who always seemed to do everything perfect, and then there was me. I always knew I was supposed to live up to them. All through school I aced courses, but I’m a shy girl. Let me just say that now. I blend easy into the background. Making friends was always my biggest trouble. I was teased constantly as a child so I grew up untrusting and alone. My siblings were much older than me. A brother and a sister and the closest in age to me was twelve years older. My sister Blossom. Yeah you can tell my parents were creative with the girl’s names. My brother just got lucky. Always was I compared to Blossom. She was perfect. Great grades, went to college, married her high school sweetheart, and got this amazing job right out of school. Her husband, who I knew since birth almost, also came from a rich family. And did I mention she was drop dead gorgeous? Reddish brown hair, hazel eyes, winning smile, perfect body. Everything I wasn’t, just about. She never had the problems I always did with people. She was smart. She was successful and gorgeous and now had an adorable baby girl. I wanted my sister’s life, seeing as my life was nothing compared to her perfect one.

Now I know I’m going on and on but bear with me because I swear eventually you’ll see how this is just relevant. I know you need to see just how I was and how I felt. How would you feel having the perfect sister who was twelve years older than you?

Then there is my brother Jonathon Dale. Yeah, he’s known to the family as Johnny D but that’s random information I really didn’t have to tell you. Did I warn you that I talk a lot? It’s weird, if I don’t know you I’m quiet as a mouse but then as we get to know each other I tend not to shut up. I don’t mean to. Sorry but I sort of do so forgive me now. What was I saying? Oh back to my brother. He was the fatherly acting sibling. He’s also eighteen years older than me. He went into the Air Force, did school and came out in the perfect child land. He’s a publicist for NHRA racing. Meets famous people and gets to travel all over the country. He is in love with his girlfriend who he should just marry already. Also, he’s very handsome and suave, dark brown hair, deep brown eyes, charming smile he got from our mother. Both my brother and sister think they should run my life. They think they know what’s best but they don’t know or even consider just what I might want.

Now, try growing up to that. Being pulled aside by your parents (who made HUGE mistakes as they were growing up, as I found out as I myself grew up) asking you constantly “Why can’t you be like Blossom? Why can’t you be like Johnny?”.

Yeah, makes you feel like you’re never enough doesn’t it? That brings me back to where I started in this explaining thing. I was never pretty like my sister. I was a little more than slightly overweight but I wasn’t enormous by any means. I was in between huge and skinny I guess you could say. My hair was long and pretty, but a plain dark and dirty blond color. My eyes, one of the few features I did like on myself were shadowed by glasses. They were pretty though, I liked how they were just a solid blue. The glasses were nice frames but on my face no glasses looked good. I had a nice size gap in between my main two front teeth and any time I smiled I knew it looked fake even if it was sincere. I got told to have a “real” smile, my entire life. My face had chipmunk cheeks and I was the epitome of not ugly, but far from pretty. That was me. Guys never noticed me as more than a girl to buddy around with. One of the guys. The best I ever got was being a sister to them.

I was always a tomboy. More comfortable in jeans than a skirt. My hair always tied back, and rather be playing football than ever going near make up. I was too shy to ever ask a guy out, or even go up to a person first. All my life I had had few friends. My two closest friends, Sebastian and Teddy, had left town and I felt alone. Both guys had been the ones I trusted most, my confidants and now it was more restricted to calls and emails. I missed them dearly. Both were a little older than I, Sebastian two years older and Teddy only a year older. So they graduated before I did as a result. Sebastian was over at NYU, and Teddy was sailing around the world in the navy. What did I do once I graduated? (My High School yearbook maybe had 10 signatures if that, my senior year. By the way.) I stayed in town. Much to my parent’s disappointment, I went to the local community college. Living at home till I could earn money to move out. All we did was constantly argue. I wanted to be an artist. I loved to paint. I knew I was good at it too. However, like I said before, I was smart. I liked learning and had an interest in psychology that my family knew about. So while I wanted to pursue an art career, they wanted to push me into psychology.

Don’t get me wrong, I liked learning about it, but I didn’t think I could do it every day for a living and still be happy. The way I knew I could be with art. I’m a free spirit, plain and simple, I love creativity in any form and I like to do things my own way when it comes to my personal things. By that I mean well my way of thinking and expressing myself. My family, I love them but, they refused to listen to that. I knew going into something like psychology would just stifle me and make me feel like I was being forced to live in the mold I was starting to hate. So we fought. Constant arguing. All I wanted to do was make them happy. Always had. All my life I had changed myself over and over again to fit the mold and I never could really. I was upset, alone, and frustrated. I had no social life to be honest. I got home from school, (I had no car, so I got rides or I walked and rode my bike) painted, showered, got on the internet out of boredom, and then talked to my few friends on the phone. That about summed it up. Oh and then add either fighting with parents, or visit from family members or calls, criticizing what I’m trying to do with my life.

That was it. That was all I was then. Not much of a life I suppose. It was all I had though. I tried hard to be noticed growing up by others but when I wasn’t, well by the time I turned eighteen I had given up on it. With good reason too. What guy would want a plain wallflower like me?

So at the time this was just another day, I was heading towards the store to pick up a few things I needed to stuff in my bag as I rode my bike home from school. More or less I was partly avoiding going home. I wasn’t looking forward to another fight and my cell had been ringing off and on all day. Yeah I had a cell. Gift from parents for Christmas when I was seventeen. Cell but not a car, sheesh.

I wasn’t really paying attention to were I was going as I talked to the one female friend I had who was decently close to me on the phone. I navigated sort of as I talked. As long as I didn’t crash I was all good. I’m sort of a klutz.

Understatement of the year I guess.

“Izzy come on, I’m sure you’ll pass your finals fine.” Isabella Rivera was her name. She was freaking beautiful but not with the perfect body. Frustrated me to see it was possible but I couldn’t have it. She was a year younger than me and still in high school. She was graduating in a few months though.

“You say that cause you did it all last year!” I heard her reply with a small wail. She was planning on going to UCLA. My parents had heard that and went on about how I was just being lazy for going to community college. Maybe I was, but it was my mistake to make if it was one, but they didn’t wanna let me make it. They wanted to live my life for me.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at my friend. She was pretty smart and she usually worried for nothing when it came to things like this. “Relax! You’ll get accepted to UCLA and you’ll pass these set of finals fine. Now are we still on for movies and food with a few of your guy friends later?” Isabella was popular with guys in a way I never could be. She usually brought new ones each time and we hung out and I was always shy and awkward no matter how hard I tried not to be. And if they did like me, they ended up as just another guy on the “buddy/like sister” list of friendships and relationships.

“I can’t! I’m sorry Cally but I gotta study.”

I frowned and rode my bike as I talked, not really paying attention now. I knew these streets far too well anyway. I knew I was going in the right direction so that was all that mattered. “Iz! Come on I need to get out!”

“Then go out, look I’m sorry-”

“With who. My circle of friends is severely limited as it is. “ I sighed, there went any chance of avoiding home for the night.

“We’ll go out tomorrow ok, I swear.”

“Alright Iz, but you freaking owe me and-” I stopped there cause out of the corner of my eye I saw someone right in my way, I swerve so I don’t run into him with my bike and instead I end up losing balance and crashing. My phone slid away on the ground and I could hear Izzy saying, “Hello? Hello? Cally you there?” People were walking by, staring at me and snickering. Great another humiliation to add to the long list of times I already had. Times where I embarrassed the hell out of myself cause I didn’t think and because I was what I liked to call “Gracefully Challenged.”

I groaned, even better lets scratch myself up even more. That would attract the guys alright. I couldn’t believe my spaceyness and my klutziness. Is spaceyness a word? Oh well guess I invented one. Then a hand that only had a wedding band adorning it reaches down for me and I take it. I let the person help me up. I glance up to see a kind man a little less than twice my age with sandy blonde hair that was thinning only slightly, and twinkling blue eyes. He looked maybe twenty-one at best but I could tell from the vibe I got that he was more around the age of twenty eight.

“Look I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking and did I hurt you? I’m just a total space and a klutz and thanks for helping me up and stuff and you sure you’re ok?” I laugh nervously as I kept my gaze on anything else and I reach for my cell where Isabella already had hung up. I would have to apologize later. “So yeah I’m sorry Mr.…” I was trying so hard not to ramble and yet I kept going. My mouth really has no button.

He chuckled and gave me a silly smile. “there is a time for everything…..a time for silence. And its Brian.”

I smile weakly back, I knew my face was red from embarrassment. Could I just crawl into a hole and live the rest of my life there? “that’s from Ecclesiastes right?”

He smiles and nods, looking a bit surprised I think at me knowing that off the top of my head. What can I say, my mom’s side of the family is heavily religious. “Yes it is.“

We both stay quiet for a few minutes. He watches me and laughs. “And you are…”

“Oh, I’m Calypso Rayne. Call me Cal, or Cally, that’s what everyone else does.”

“Unique name.”

I nodded. “I get that a lot.”

“Do you often meet people by almost killing them with a bike?” He joked, setting it back on its kickstand for me.

“Maybe I need collision insurance.” I joked quietly. “This is why its probably safer for the world if I never get a car.”

He laughed. Brian watched me as if he expected me to act a certain way. I guess I didn’t. He looked surprised by that. He did look familiar but I couldn’t place it. “I know what you mean, when I was your age I was a bit scared of crashing the car myself.”

“Mine’s more from lack of cash flowing” I say softly with a laugh, focusing my eyes on something behind him. Damn my shyness. “Life of a college student. I need a new job.”

He nods, “What are you studying?”

“I’m majoring in art right now and not sure what my Minor will be but on the other end of the spectrum I have an interest in psychology.”

“Really?” His face takes on a new look of interest. “That’s a great subject. I took a few classes when I was in high school. Very interesting.”

“Yeah it is, it just I dunno…what’s the word….oh, intrigues me.”

“It’s useful too sometimes.“

I can’t help but smirk a little. “Yeah I can analyze my crazy fam.“

He laughs, “My friends and family aren’t what most would consider normal either.“

I start feeling more at ease for the conversation. He had a vibe about him that made you feel comfortable. “Yeah but I don’t want a career in it. I can‘t see myself enjoying it as a living.”

“Exactly. I never wanted to pursue it either.”

“What do you do?”

Brian gave me an impish smile then. His ceruleans eyes sparkled as if they contained a secret. “I dabble some in music…”

I was about to reply when he glanced at his watch and spoke before I could.

“You visiting LA Cally?”

“Oh I live here.” I replied with a small smile. I never smiled fully in front of people I didn’t know well. I never liked the idea of letting them see my fake looking and not so great smile. “I go to school at CCLA”

Brian nods. “I would talk more but I was on my way to pick up a friend actually. He called and now I got to help his troublesome behind.” He said with slight annoyance; but I could tell whoever it was, Brian cared about the person. “I do think we shouldn’t be like two ships passing in the night.” He smiled and gave me his number, chuckling.

Shyly I gave mine to him as well. I always had a hard time being able to tell if people were being sincere. Well good time to risk it I guess. It was just a vibe I got off of him I felt I had to trust. Besides, what would it hurt to exchange numbers? If something bad happened I would have my cell number changed, no big.

“Other than my wife I don’t meet many women who are worth talking to.” He gave me a winning grin. “So I have to nab you as a friend. I’ll see you later Cally.”

I watched him head off. “Later Brian.” I said quietly and started riding again. I didn’t know if he heard me but it didn’t matter. I now had to head home and deal with the daily disappointment as usual and this new friend just went to the back of my mind and was temporarily forgotten. The way I had thought I would be forgotten to him. I’m not very memorable. Never was.

“Just Another Day”

Chapter Two: Shallow Image

At the time I thought life was just fucked. I had four guys I considered brothers looking out for me, but I knew the world was fucked. I just knew. My family was a prime example. Abusive parents, eldest of six and ignored by everyone in my family by the time I moved out at eighteen. Six years later and nothing there changed much. Except when they need money or my mother wants to bring me down by calling and bitching at me. The world loved me and the world hated me. Well, the girls of the world loved me anyway. More accurately would be they loved my image. Nick Carter That was who they loved. Did they ever even like me? Nick? Can’t say, they never looked for him to find out. I had been working since I was barely thirteen and now I was twenty four. My life was hell at best and I was so sick of everything.

I knew there were some things not meant for me. I knew fame was because I had it. Loads of it. The youngest member in a band you might have heard of. Just maybe. Flames of Ice. Biggest group around since those gay Backstreet Boys. Though only way you knew of us is if you listened to our kind of music. We were fucking huge, but not overexposed like that boyband I mentioned. Music was my life. It was just a part of me. I write songs constantly and there is no bigger rush than getting up and performing. The tour bus always sucks though. I go fucking stir crazy on it and as Howie likes to tell me, “I drive them all loco”. So when I ain’t bouncing off the damn walls, I always was writing in one of my notebooks ideas for new songs. Yes I fucking carry notebooks around. No I ain’t gay, I just use them to get shit out. If I didn’t I would have lost it a long ass time ago. Wait, did I ever have it? Heh oh well. I’m one of the lead singers, and I’m on the guitar. Typical shallow rockstar I bet you’re thinking. So from thirteen on all I had were the guys. Damn good thing too or I would have been gone long before now. Not trying to get your sympathy or any of that shit. Just a fact.

Fame hit us all of a sudden. There were five of us in the group. All of them thought I would never grow up and they all thought they knew what was best for me. There was me, AJ, Brian, Howie, and Kevin. Kevin was the oldest, about seven years older than I was, he was on the keyboards. Him and I always butted heads. Heh. Now he didn’t have so much time to rag on my shit cause he was married and trying to start a family. Howie was the wanna be Donald Trump, he was on the drums. Can’t say he wasn’t bad either of them, he’s six years older than me. He was insane, but no one thought he was cause he had the “quiet one” image. Yeah right. There was my best friend Brian, four years older than me, and he‘s on guitar as well. He sings a lot of leads, in my opinion has a better voice than me but no one else agrees with that. Brian and I just kind of I don’t know, clicked since we met and I was thirteen and he was seventeen. Lately though things were different cause he was married with a son now. And AJ closest in age two me, only 2 years older, and well Jay was the top singer. He got the most leads and shit, and lives for getting the fans hyped. AJ was getting over issues he had to deal with. Fuck those I won’t share though, that’s a whole ‘nother story.

Now you may want to call me bitter. I dare you to then. I have a damn good reason to know the world hates me. I’m not going to delve into those though. Trust me though, I had reason. I don’t mean my fucked up so called family either. Can you fucking believe they’re only the tip of the iceberg that is my hell. I wanted to just die. End all the shit now. Save everyone trouble of freaking out about me. Not bug anyone anymore. It would just be easier.

Enough with the pity party I’m having. That’s not what you wanna hear anyway right. I know its not. I ain’t much of a writer. I ain’t much of anything really.

So one night I was doing the usual. Out partying and shit. Trying to make myself numb. Drinking usually helped do that for me. I didn’t care if anyone saw me. Fuck my so called perfect image. I didn’t care. I wasn’t perfect and I never would but everyone thinks I am. Hell at its best. About a month before I got arrested for a DUI, my ex-girlfriend was still trying to ruin my life, and guess what? My mother called and bitched me out today too. So I wanted to just make everything a blur. I didn’t want to remember, or bother the guys. They all had their own lives, I love them but I couldn’t keep running to them forever. So I went out. I had no one else to go to anyway.

By the end of the night everything was a blur. I remember calling Brian and I remember rambling on about something incredibly stupid. Oh yeah, I was rambling about how my image damage was going to hurt my younger brother’s career. Did I mention my brother Aaron used me to get famous? My mother was behind that. He became famous more cause of my status though but he still likes to pretend I’m not family now. It wasn’t always like that but the past two years its gotten that way. To think he used to be on my fucking side. What do you say when no one in your family wants you and with the exception of four friends the rest of the world only wants you for your fame and money? I fucking just hated everything.

Next thing I know I’m waking up at Brian’s the next morning with a pounding headache. For a moment I was very disoriented cause he lives in Atlanta actually, but was staying in his LA apartment because we were recording for our new album over the next few months. I groaned and sat up slowly. I could hear his two year old son Baylee babbling on in the other room to Brian and his wife Leighanne. All I wanted was the world to stop. That was impossible but…It didn’t stop me from wanting it any less.


**************


So that evening I was staying at Brian‘s. My place wasn’t far but he wanted me to stay that night. Heh, more or less because he wanted to keep an eye on me. The others were fucking paranoid I would make Jay’s mistakes and do the shit he did. Like I’m that stupid? Damn I’ve got a shitload of my own mistakes to make. There was a lot I needed to figure out. Things I wanted to figure out. I was having a fucking load of trouble doing that too. Everyone thought I was a happy go fucking lucky guy who liked to party like crazy. There was a lot going on with me that no one saw. No one saw through my fake smile. I was good at it. Been practicing since I was just a little kid. Hell sometimes I wondered if I even had a fucking real smile anymore. I don’t even know. The guys didn’t see through it either, it was that convincing. They knew what went on that no one else saw. They knew what I was dealing with but, they didn’t know how I was dealing. They thought I was alright, I knew I wasn’t. Who knew if I ever would be. So I played it up as being insane and happy. Why bring the guys down? They couldn’t help, I was alone. Part of that was my fault I knew, it had to be, but I couldn’t fuck up the guys’ lives with my shit the way I fucked up my own.

While Brian tended to Baylee, Leighanne was cooking dinner. I use the term cooking lightly. Word of fucking advice? Never go to the Littrell's home for dinner. Not if you want real food. Instead of the rubbery substitute you get there. Now they’re my friends, well closest thing to family I got but, neither of them can cook worth a damn. Makes me feel so damn bad for Baylee. Now I can’t cook either, but at least I ain’t gonna torture you with that. I use the handy speed dial to call shit in, or I take you out someplace. When I’m alone then its whatever frozen food I got stocked in the fridge. Shit, usually I eat those “Kid’s cuisine” TV dinners as I watch 24, the one series I attempt to keep up with my crazy life. So when I’m at Brian's, I usually feed the damn monster they call a dog. Litty Leigh, its called. Most evil freaking cocker spaniel I ever fucking met. Those things used to look cool to me too. Damn deceitful ass dogs. I never did shit to it but it likes to bite the hell out of me. So I feed the so called food there to it. Stupid thing deserves it. All freaking Cockers hate me. My ex had one too that hated me. Now I love dogs but those things are evil.

So I was attempting to entertain myself. Watching TV in the living room and laying back on the couch. My hangover had pretty much gone away thank fucking God. Then I spotted Brian's cell phone on the coffee table. Now that was not smart on Brian's part. He knows me. He knows how I work. I always get into his shit. I’m nosy, sue me. I’ve gotten into his net accounts and shit when I get bored. His fault for having passwords that are far too easy. See mine are hard, no one can crack mine cause mine are so damn random. Besides I was bored and I knew everyone in the address book in his cell anyway. Met them all at some point or another since I had known him eleven years and counting. Friends, record company executives, our manager, religious people, (did I mention Brian once wanted to be a pastor? Just a side bar of info for ya.), family…and wait what was this? I then spotted a number I didn’t recognize. The name said “Cally - interesting girl”. Hmm so who was this? Heh well I wanted to find out. So I just called. I figured why the fuck not?


***********


I was attempting to study when the phone rang. I almost lunged for the phone. I needed the break. Another fight with my parents and I was pretty much locking myself up in my room. I tried to sketch something out to paint later but I couldn’t concentrate. I adjust my glasses and push a strand of hair out of my face as I check the caller id. The guy I met yesterday? Calling already? I had completely forgotten about him in all honesty. I had been hoping it would have been Sebastian or Izzy but hell I would take whatever came.

“Hello?”

“Hey, who is this?”

I raise a brow and frown. Ooook this wasn’t Brian, that or his voice sounded ten years younger at least, all of a sudden. Great, probably a prank call. I’ll give him ten minutes and if he messes with me I was so gonna hang up.

“This is Calypso, and who is this on Brian's phone?”

I heard a low chuckle. “A friend of his.”

I lay back on my bed. “Oh yeah? Got a name?” I put a cd in the cd player. Spirit In Smoke by a group I just started getting into, Flames Of Ice. Been liking them since I heard one of their songs during one of the rare times I turned on the radio. I hated infomercials so I just burned random music friends suggested on my computer instead. I listened and a voice sounded familiar, oh, my lordie. So I looked up a picture of the band. Then there he was, in the picture... was Brian. The man I met yesterday. Oh. My. God. That was why he expected me to act weird and was surprised when I didn’t! See I never keep up with celebrities. All I cared about was the music. I didn’t watch MTV or VH1 or see those music videos, I just listened to my cds. And I never really looked at the cd jackets ever, when I didn't just download. I never kept up with trends of celebrities. I only knew a couple actors cause of their faces in movies. I just didn’t care about entertainment news. My friends did, my mom did, but I just didn’t. Cause it didn’t matter. But good Lordie, how could I have spaced on this? I thought he had looked familiar, I must have seen their album cover in a store. Shit. I had to act sane or there was no way I could keep Brian as a potential good friend. He seemed a cool guy. I had to forget he was ever a celebrity. I kept myself calm but my mind was racing. He is human, and it’s a good time to remember that.

“Hello? You got a name?”

“Yeah but do I have to tell you?” He replied teasingly. “Your name is…..interesting you know.”

I couldn’t help but smile a bit at his tone. “Technically? No, but I’m curious. And yeah I hear that tons, you tend to with a name like Calypso Rayne, call me Cally.”

“You know what happens to curious peoples?”

“They eventually find out info?”

Then he laughed at that one. I was surprised I wasn‘t nervous but I felt more at ease on the phone. All it took was a simple hang up to escape. Not like in person meetings. I couldn‘t help but laugh too, his laugh was infectious. “No those are investigators like private eyes, and tabloids do, the curious stay curious.”

I laugh some and put this pouty tone in my voice. “That would be mean to make me stay curious.”

“Maybe I am mean like that.”

“nah you don’t sound it.”

“Lucky for you I ain’t. Cally you said right?”

“Right” What was it that was keeping me on the line? I wasn’t sure but there was something, I was sure of that.

“You can’t tell him I called or he’ll bitch me out for taking his cell and calling you.”

“I won’t.” I look for more photos of the band. Usually this is something I never do. Who wanted to stare at pretty boys, even if they did make good music. Now I wanted to look at them though. Yep, there was Brian. Well, I wasn’t going to get blinded by his status. I wouldn’t let myself. He’s human just like everyone else. But oh my God, that was just weird that it was him out of all the people in the world. And I couldn’t tell a soul, or I’d be hounded by people wanting an in, or by people who would think I was lying for attention. Great. How did hell did me of all people find him? Lord I’m just a boring wallflower, why did he even think I’d be an interesting friend? I mean honestly, he had to meet better people than me every day.

“You promise?”

“Yep.”

“Alright, I’m his best friend, Nick.”

My eyes widened as I looked at the the picture. Then at the text where it said who was who. Only one Nick. Nick, had to be Nick Carter. Had to be. I had just stumbled on to two members of a famous band all because of a canceled hang out and crashing a bike. What were the freaking odds?

“That’s interesting. And you wanted to call me because?” I look away from the photo, more or less focusing on the conversation and making myself forget who this guy could be. For all I know I could be mistaken and its all coincidence anyway.

“Because Brian doesn’t add new numbers often so I wanted to see who you were and why you were special. That and I’m bored out of my fucking mind.”

I smile, and hug my pillow. “Well I’m bored too so it works out.”

“Cool then so while Leighanne tries to cook something and it might end up poisoning me I can talk to a sexy girl that has to be cool if he has her number on his cell.”

Sexy? Yeah freaking right. I knew then I better enjoy this now cause the moment he saw what I looked like it would be all over. I would go to the sister/buddy status I always am at. It didn‘t matter with Brian since he was married anyway, but Nick seemed interesting. I knew it was only over the phone and we‘ve barely talked during the call about anything important but there was just something about him. Beyond his possible celebrity status. It could be look-a-likes posing for all I knew. Wouldn‘t be a first in the celebrity world. “Brian’s wife?” I should warn him now about my looks. I hate to, but I have to be fair. “And thanks but I’m not sexy trust me.” I say with a laugh I force to sound natural.

“Yeah that’s her, and I’m sure you’re sexy. All girls are in their own way.”

“You haven’t seen what I look like even.”

“So take a pic with your cell and show me baby.”

I snort at that one. Damn this guy came on strong. So why did I not hang up? Why did I like it even? He was not getting a picture though. No way. That and I knew I looked horrible. My hair was in a tied back mess and I was in boxers and an old sports jersey. “No way I look horrible.”

“I got this theory that the more a girl thinks she looks like shit, the sexier she must be so you better be careful before you go and turn me on or something.” he says with a teasing tone in his voice and was that flirting I was detecting? I was so hopelessly naïve when it came to this stuff. Good lord I didn’t know how to handle this. I had one experience under my belt…which I never wanted to think of or talk about. It wasn’t huge but it hurt all the same. But why was he flirting? Probably cause he was a guy and doesn’t know what I look like. Guys flirt with their female friends sometimes. I knew that much but I never got much of it ever. This was new. It would die out fast though. My silence caused him to speak up again.

“Errm bad time to ask this but you’re legal right?”

“Yeah I am. Barely, I‘m eighteen, nineteen in September.” I chuckled at that one. “why you don’t like jailbait?” I tease back. May as well use this as some kind of learning thing anyway.

We ended up talking for three hours. Three hours straight, about random things. Things that were stupid and small but he made me laugh. I couldn’t help but smile. But I couldn’t let this guy get to me in the way he was trying to. He was either a friend of a look look-a-like poser or one himself even. If he was a celebrity on that small chance…he wasn’t worth the trouble. Besides, once he saw me, he wouldn’t want me. I’d be just a friend. But if he was a friend, I would make sure I looked beyond the shallow image. Cause there is always more behind the glamour. I was a bit curious as to what and I planned on finding out.

"Just Another Day"

Chapter Three: Angels In Disguise

So I talked to the chick for three fucking hours. Three hours! I don't do that. Not over the phone especially. And it was to some random chick Brian befriended. But she could be someone trying to get a piece of fame. She could have known who we were and just have said nothing. So she could betray us both when she got close. It's happened too many times. I was surprised at how calm she was with me. Especially when she said she didn't know what I looked like. Even sounded fucking surprised when I said she did too, like she didn't know how she could know. Wonder if she even recognized Brian. Probably not. But what if she did realize who she met and just didn't care about our statuses? Yeah fucking right. That'll happen when the hell that's not on my earth freezes over. Still, it was weird, for shit in my world at least. She was interesting. Calypso was an anomaly in my world. Even if she was a fan, I would have given her my number by the end of the night just like I did last night all the same. There was something calming about her. The real test would be if my number was suddenly spammed with annoying fan calls. If they were I would change my number and not talk to her anymore. Cause that would prove her calmness was an act.

Brian came into the living room now that Baylee was content and we had finished eating after I had hung up with Cally. He then spotted his cell phone on the table and glanced at me, realizing he had left me with it. He raised a brow and watched me for a moment.

"Did you call anyone?"

"Now come on man" I send him the grin I'm famous for, the one that's half smirk, the one that makes girls scream. Wonder if it could charm my best friend? "Why would you think I even touched your phone."

He gives me a look and I laugh. "Because you always do."

"Alright so I called one girl. I got bored."

He watched me and I bet he was wondering if he had added Cally's number in or not. "Who did you call?"

"Your newest friend." I replied laughing. I knew he would get after me but it was worth the laugh. Especially when I saw the look on his face! Fucking priceless. It was worth it. The look in his eyes..just damn. I bet he was thinking I bragged about who I was or something.

"Nickolas Gene Carter!"

Shit I had been three named. I hated my middle name. Hell I hated my full name. "Man relax, I didn't do shit but talk."

He sighed and rolled those famous blue eyes at me. "She's the first in a long time who met me and didn't realize who I was. I could tell. It would be nice to talk to someone new WITHOUT being unsure if they were in it for fame."

I snickered at him. "She doesn`t know who I am either. At least she won`t until I start yelling it to her over the phone. "

He raised a brow and looked at me like I was crazy.

I smirked and ran a hand through my hair. It was getting damn long. Too long. Kept getting in my eyes and bugging the fuck out of me. I needed a haircut. Oh well. Fuck it. I'd to it when it annoyed me enough to remember. "She'll figure it out sometime man," I shrug. "And then she'll want something, I guarantee it"

"Not everyone is like that Nick."

"Everyone in my life is."

"Nick-"

I shake my head and cut him off to avoid a feel good lecture. "I ended up giving her my number anyway. So don't worry about her going fucking psycho or shit wanting to talk to me. I taunt. Since he's less popular than me to fans for some strange reason. I never did get why the fuck I was so appealing, especially supposedly more than the fellas.

"You need to watch your mouth more."

"I do around Baylee."

"I meant in general"

I just shrugged.

He looked up and sighed. "You make me wonder often why the good Lord sent you to me to deal with." He joked.

I just laughed. "Because I'm special so so special that's why."

He watched me again with a serious look on his face. I could see the concern on his face. See what I mean? They worried too much about me. "You know you can stay here again tonight."

"Nah, I don't wanna keep putting ya out. I'll go back home tonight."

I could see he was trying to think of a new way to convince me but I knew I would go back no matter what he said. So what if it was just an empty apartment? They didn't need to know nothing has ever felt like home. The closest thing that ever felt like a home in my life was a damn tour bus. That was one of the more pathetic parts of being me. I just didn't want to deal anymore. I just didn't. That was the fucked up thing about life. You couldn't make the pain end without making everything end. Although I've thought about it, it seemed like I was letting the fucking world win if I did that. And I was, so it stopped me in the past. But I was so damn sick, so damn tired of it. So at this point, I was almost ready to consider that option.


**********


So it had been a few days since Nickolas called me. Oooh sorry, Nick. He told me at the beginning to call him that. I was trying to force myself when thinking of the chaos that became my life, to call him Nick in my mind. Lordie knows if I slipped and we actually ever talked again that would be bad. Although I did like the sound of Nickolas. God, Cally get him out of your mind! It wasn't a big deal. There was no way we would talk again though. I was lucky Brian and I talked after we met. We had called each other maybe twice. Talked, he was a good guy to talk to. Great for advice. I caught on to that quick. I started hanging out with Brian a little more, he was a cool guy. At first I was weary to make sure he wasn't some psycho but that went away. I hadn't talked to Nick in awhile. I never mentioned to Brian but it bugged me. I wasn't sure why. So why couldn't I get a three hour phone conversation with Nick off my mind? Even my friends were noticing.

Izzy had come over while my parents were out. They went out and about often now. Now that they have an 18 year old daughter instead of a 17 year old one anyway. It annoyed me cause I did try to make things better with my parents. I honestly tried. We loved each other, but problems you have don't go away you know? We never tried to fix problems. We ignored them and then they came back. It was more just personality conflicts that never got resolved. I tried to but whatever I guess. The whole thing depressed me far to much to think about it. Despite my family I sometiems felt like an abandoned orphan. I never voiced that thought, I was almost nineteen, an adult and too old for such feelings. At least where they can be seen anyway. They were put away in my deepest of places in my heart, hidden with many other things.

Isabella just looked at me and laughed, her dark brown hair framing her oval shaped flawless face. She had a cuteness about her that guys thought sexy, she wasn't skinny but she wasn't enormous, (a bit smaller than me) but she was adorable. Her hazel eyes sparkled with knowing.

"What?" I asked, obviously not in on the joke.

"Who is he!?"

I look at her like she's nuts. "What do you mean?"

She grinned and squealed. Iz was the one female friend I trusted, and she was a tomboy but not the way I was. She had more feminine traits in her than I ever did. Way more. Maybe that's what guys liked about her. "There's a guy, I know it is! You have the look!"

I chuckled at that one. "What look? There's a look?"

"Yes there's a look and you have it so who is this guy and when can I meet him. Well.your look says you're interested but you don't know him extremely well yet. Just interested."

"You're out of your mind Iz."

"I'm right. I know it."

"Nah, remember guys don't look at me like that."

"They will. And when one does, he'll be special." She shrugged and leaned back. "I guarantee it."

We watched actions movies most of the night. The occasional chick flick to her insistence. I wasn't much for those. Gag me. It started with me not wanting to ever be reminded that I couldn't live the characters in the movies lives even if I wanted to. Then after awhile when I watched them for friends or whatever, I noticed they all had the same damn plot. Boring. Yawn. It's like taking a freaking nap. So by the time she left it was around 2:30 am. I couldn't sleep. I was just I don't know. Feeling lonely? We had watched the movie "Dirty Dancing" last and it just really got to me. My parents had come home an hour ago but the place was silent and felt really empty even if it wasn't. I grabbed my cell and looked through the address book on it. Couldn't call Teddy, he had to be sleeping by now. And getting up early thanks to the Navy. Couldn't call Sebastian. His cell number got disconnected and I was stuck with emails and waiting for a new number. Isabella just left. Didn't want to call a few of these numbers cause I couldn't confide in them. I didn't feel comfortable. There were few I confided in, few I trust, and I was in a depressed personal zone.

Then Brian's number came up and I figured he had to be sleeping. He had to be tending to his kid (who I thought was adorable when I met his son and his wife.) if he was awake. I noticed Nick's number. He had said a couple days before when we talked and he gave me his number, I could call any time. He said he didn't sleep much at night so it wouldn't matter. But was he just being nice? Since he gave me that number I hadn't used it. He had mine too but he hadn't used it since he borrowed Brian's cell anyway. I couldn't shake the feeling though. I hated feeling down like this and when I got that way not much could get me out of it. I was about to put the cell back when I just thought I should call. I almost didn't but I did. I speed dialed his number and listened to it ring. At the time I didn't realize it but it was the best thing I could have done.


***********


That night is a blur to me to be honest. I was in my apartment after a night out. Called up a few buds, or glommers, guys I hung with. I call them glommers cause I know they use me for chicks and money, like this dude I call Bean. But honestly? Didn't give a fuck, I just don't want to be lectured and with these guys I'm not alone. So out we went and from then on, its a blurry mess of faces. Just to forget. It didn't matter what the hell happened to me anyway. I didn't care. By the time I got back I was sobering up some and the hangover really came in. I wasn't exactly sober but I wasn't drunk off my ass anymore either. I was still pretty out of it. I just know I was depressed beyond reason. I was sick of waiting for it to end. I was just a waste of breath and space. Why not save everyone from worrying and just do it myself now? Fuck the world and whatever plan it had. Forget God cause He doesn't care about me the way Brian always says he does. Fuck fate. Fuck destiny or whatever shit makes my life so Goddamned hard and shitty. Just fuck it all. I had the shit to end it. I really did. I had to do something first though. I had to write a letter to Brian. He was my best friend. I owed him that much. So he wouldn't blame himself. I started writing it out online in a long ass email. Might as well say all the shit now cause after tonight until whatever fucking afterlife waited for us all, I wouldn't be able to fucking say it again.

So then right as I was finishing it with "I'm going to try and if God doesn't want me to die I guess he'll just have to send one of his angels"...

The phone rang. I groaned and checked who it was. Fuck it`s Cally. Fuck I can't let her think she could have stopped this shit when it hits the news tomorrow. Sure she doesn't know who I am now but she'd know the day news of my suicide came out.

So I answered.

"Helwo?" Great I sounded sleepy. Let her think that. Don't matter, it'll end soon.

"Hi, Nick? It's um, yeah its me...Cally" Wonder if she knew she sounded cute when nervous. Fuck at least she won't blame herself now.

"Oh hey."

"Did I wake you? Sorry I called this late."

"Its coo."

"What are you doing up this late?"

"Jus got in, hangovers fucking suck."

"Yeah they do, you just shouldn't drink then."

"Works when I fucking wanna forget shit."

"Doesn't help though."

"It does for me. Fuck the worlb is my helllllll and everyone in it tries to keep it that way for meeeeeee. All cause I`m.I`m not.peeerfect and I gotsa DUI." I could hear the slur in my own voice. I sound like an idiot. Oh fucking well, it was gonna stop soon enough.

"I doubt that's true."

"Heh."

"Listen since you have a hangover I'll let you go but.." She really sounded nervous now. Like she wanted to say something important. Wonder what it was. Eh oh well. As long as it ended soon. So I'm selfish sometimes. Fuck I earned it. So I was right then. Sue Me.

"But wha? Loooook. Sorry I'ma asshole Callllllllly.." Damn I'm still drunk, sobering but drunk. Fuck my head hurts like a bitch.

"You know you're really not an asshole. So what if you screw up sometimes? You're not an ass, and from the little I know, you're a good person. You shouldn't be getting drunk to drown out the problems, I know from Brian you have people who care about you.and I want to be one of them." I heard Cally say sincerely. I could hear the concern in her voice. Something rare in my world. "Sorry to um bug you. Night Nick." She says hurriedly as if she realized what she said and was embarrassed. Then she hung up.

I listened in my head to what she said. I deleted the email right then.

I didn't commit suicide that night. I threw out the shit I was going to use to do it.

God had sent one of his angels in disguise just in time to keep me alive.

"Just Another Day"

Chapter Four: Freeing Me

I sit in the back of my math class with a small yawn. Not a fan of it. Hate it actually. Way, way too much structure for my taste really. I'm stuck though. Damn requirements for degrees. If I had my way I would've found an out clause. Nope, I was doomed to the terrible angst I call math. So there I am sitting in the back. As always I go relatively unnoticed. That figures right? So I have a sip of my red mountain dew, my addiction soda. Most people have coffee as their addiction drink, me, hating coffee, has red mountain dew. I'm odd I know, I just wish I wasn't invisible. Then maybe I'd handle my own oddness better and not wish to change so much. So a sip of the soda, and a subtle flicking open of the cell phone is what helps me survive the deadly math course I am trapped in. Trust me, my professor won't notice me ignoring him, I almost wish he would. Oh well, at least I won't die of boredom today. Also, oh joy, with the psychology degree I still am battling my family with not choosing, if I do that, I'm due to more math torture with the addition of statistics classes. Oh joy. Oh rapture. And now I must be getting pretty darn rambly and depressing. Sorry about that. I told you before, I tend to talk a lot.

So I go through numbers to message. I wonder who shall answer. Dum Dum Dum... Hmm. That's actually a good question. Sebastian, I would, but still no number... Teddy, no probably doing um...Navy things; whatever the hell they actually do. Oh! I could try Izzy! She's always up for chatting. She's my sole close female friend for a reason. But, she's still got a few more months of high school to finish out. I could try, and hope she's at lunch and not in class... Lord how could I forget only a little more than a year after escaping, when lunch usually is at Centennial high school? I continue through the numbers, I don't want to get Iz in trouble. So I keep scanning down. You know it took me eighteen years before I actually broke down and bought a cell phone? I know, I have trouble conforming well. Le sigh. Funny thing is, only two years ago, I bought a Discman. It'll be years before I cave and buy an ipod. Watch.

My professor calls on everyone but me. Its a small class too. This is the only class I don't hate my invisibility. Dislike? Sure, but not hate. Only hate the subject of the class itself. A name caught my eye that interrupted my current train of thought then, very similar to the way it had that one night.

Nickolas Carter.
(don't tell him I list him as Nickolas in my cell. He doesn't know.)

I haven't called since that other night. He had been drunk as a skunk, but sobering, I had known. He sounded so...depressed rather than drunk though. Had it not been for the slurs I would have solely thought it was him just being depressed. How could he be depressed? He was Nick Carter. Star singer of Flames of Ice on lead guitar. He was noticed by everyone, everywhere, living his dream, his own way. Its what I wanted, so damn badly. I wanted it desperately, just on a smaller scale. And yes, I do know its really them now. I talk to Brian a lot, he knows I know. Brian! Maybe I'll message him. He's goofy, sweet, but smart. Maybe he can help me with the concept of classical conditioning for my Psych. 101 class as well. I'm having issues with it. I'd ask my parents, but I already told you how my relationship has been with them lately.

So I pick his, even though Nick did not mean any harm last time; I was weary of calling him. Not cause of him. No. No. No. Don't think that. It was all me. My fault. I blurted that last thing I said, and hung up. Like a moron. Like a dork. Sounding stupid. I haven't even known Nick all that long. Probably thinks I'm a mess before he'll even see me. So I text Brian, and we end up on Yahoo mobile cause I like that better.

Callyarty: hey, I need ur help
KywildcatsB: hi hun, what with?
Callyarty: psych stuff
KywildcatsB: trying to figure out Nick? lol

I wasn't, but I wanted to know what he meant now, he sparked my curiosity. I push a dark gold strand of my hair away from my face as my azure eyes glance up through my glasses to make sure I'm not noticed for once. With my luck, I would. And I'm in the middle on whether or not I'd want it.

I wasn't however.

Callyarty: Nick?
KywildcatsB: he told me you 2 talked for 3 hrs, quite the feat.
Callyarty: oh, well yeah we did. we havent talked much since though

For some reason, I fail to mention the other night. Call it instinct again.

KywildcatsB: Why dont you call him?
Callyarty: dunno. not too good with that stuff.
KywildcatsB: Call it a hunch hun, but call. he'll appreciate it
Callyarty: how do u know
KywildcatsB: Im an expert an Nickcology. call him
Callyarty: I might, once Im out of class, like I said, Im terrible at this stuff, and so yeah I dunno.
CallyArty: maybe

**********


I never did tell the guys how close I came to dying that night. They didn’t need to know. They would just worry and all that shit and they were just a hell of a lot better off without knowing about it. None of them would believe what had gotten me to stop as it is. Come on, an eighteen year old chick I only talked to a few times, saying I was worth more than I thought? I still didn’t get myself how the fuck that got me to stop. How that got me to reconsider what the fuck I was doing. It just did. It made me think if someone random who didn’t even meet me yet in person but still cared, maybe life wasn’t as fucked as I thought. This chick was something else. I didn’t call her for the next couple days though. Heh more cause I knew I had acted shitty to her last time we talked. Even if most of the shit was a pure blur. I still didn’t want to call her. I figured even after saying what she did, that she didn’t like me much anymore. I wouldn’t blame her. I chase everyone away sooner or later. Whether its with my fucking ADHD, or with my loads of heavy baggage I’ve got piled on me. My fame that never just leaves me the hell alone. Something or other about me just makes people stop giving a damn about me. As much as I need someone to NOT stop giving a damn, this girl doesn’t need to be hurt. I can’t drag her into all my shit. Better to call it a twist of fate, God sending an angel to keep me alive, and now I had to go on with life as usual. Both of us should go as we were. So I tried. And I was spacing and shit more than I usually did. Hell that said a fuck a lot about it too. Trust me.

As it was, I’m already an asshole of a boyfriend. Yes I said boyfriend. Have I even mentioned I have a girlfriend yet? Shit. I suck. Well I do. And I wonder why no one ever sticks around? Yeah I have a girl. Been dating her two weeks I think. She doesn’t try to change me like my last girlfriend did. I don’t even know what I had seen in her now. You might have heard of her too. She’s famous for being born into a million dollar hotel dynasty type thing. She’s also named after a well known city and has freaking sex porno out by “accident”. Yep, you guessed it. London Miffton. The woman everybody loves to hate and I dated her. Why? She seemed different back then. London's a good actor; off screen. I thought maybe she wouldn't use me for fame or money since she had so much of it on her own. I also thought there was more to her. I was a damn fool.

Tracy, my current girl, is better. Not famous really, yet at least. I met her at our band's video shoot for our next single. She's an extra in the video. Ironically how Brian met his current wife, if you'd like a bit of Flames of Ice trivia. Tracy is beautiful though and fun when she’s not mad at me. She gets so damn mad at me too easy though. She doesn’t know about Calypso but what’s there to know anyway? Not much so it ain’t as bad as it fucking sounds so don’t say a damn thing about how I should say something.

Tracy, well, fuck I've neglected her a bit. So I made it up to her yesterday. Took her out and treated her right. But today, I have my ear to the cell phone, listening to her yell at me. Great way to spend the day. (Sarcasm is my friend.) She's mad as hell at me. Fuck is she pissed off. I don't even know what the hell I did. I started dating her since it had been awhile since I had anything other than the groupie one night stand shit. After London Miffton can you blame me for taking a break from it? God damn, especially since she tried to ruin me and have all her wannabe London friends accuse me of abusing her. Not that anyone would blame me if I did. But I didn't. I don't do that shit. Call that the one thing my failure I'm supposed to call parents taught me. I ain't like that. Not that the world believes me. Why the fuck should they when the lie sells more tabloids. I hate the fame sometimes.

“Are you even listening to me! Hello?! Well fuck you too then Nickolas Gene Carter!” Dial tone.

Oh shit! I spaced. Dammit my ADHD strikes again. I space at the worst times. Next thing I heard was that beep beep beep beep… noise you get after the dial tone stops and you’re still on the line alone. Uh oh. Never a good sign. I need boyfriend lessons. So I call her back, hoping to see if I can get my big ass out of trouble. It'd be nice to make a relationship work for fucking once.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Aw come on, someone have pity on me and make her answer!

And then my ears wanted to scream cause not only did she pick up, but she must have rammed the phone right next to or into a radio speaker! Major fucking feedback! Ow! God Dammit! So me, being my stubborn ass, tried calling again.

Not my smartest move. Not that I have many smart moves to begin with. Cause then Tracy did the same fucking thing. Was she trying to make me deaf?! God damn I need my hearing so I can make music properly. Fuck that hurt! So, again, being stubborn, I picked up the phone I had thrown down on my bed when my ears cried in pain, and was about to try again. I go to dial the number when I heard a voice on the other line.

“Hello?”

Holy shit. Was I psychic now? Hey I can be like Madam Cleo!

“Hello?” The voice said again. Oops. Hey this isn’t Tracy…

It was Calypso. That girl I said I wasn’t gonna call and bring into my mess of a life? Yeah her. I could hang up. Be an ass and chase her out before she got pulled in. Then call Trace and try again as I had planned. But I didn’t. Something kept me on that phone.

“Hey.”

“Oh! For a moment I thought you weren’t there or it got disconnected or something…”

There’s that cute nervousness again.

“Nah I’m here, just spacin’ some. Sorry.”

“So…what’s up?”

“My girl is pissed off at me and I have no clue why.”

“Oh, you have a girlfriend?” I didn’t tell her. Oh shit. Damn I just suck. Did she sound sad as she said that? Or was that my imagination? Likely the last thing I said.

“Yeah, well maybe. Not so sure anymore.” I give a chuckle.

“Why what happened? Other than her being all mad at you I mean. I’m supposed to be a psych one day so talk to Dr. Cally.” I lean back against the headboard of my bed. She’s so easy to talk to. I need to watch myself with this one.

“Supposed to be?”

I hear her sigh on the other end. “Yeah, supposed to be. It’s the practical career and I’d be happier…” Now why did that sound like she was brainwashed to say that? “Anywho, so what happened.

“I tried to call her after she reamed me out verbally over the phone and she put the phone next to a radio or something cause all I got was major ass feedback. I tried again and she did it to me again. I was gonna try one last time but you called…and talking to you seems a bit easier on my ears.”

She laughs softly. “Aww well that sucks.”

“Women suck!” I teased, wanting to hear that laugh again. Can’t explain why. Remember all I said about not wanting to drag this girl in my life? Forget that. I need a friend like her who’s not in the band.

“Hey now!” She whined laughing. “We do not…well most of us don’t. But she did have to say why she was mad at you.”

I shrugged even though she couldn’t see me. “Who knows…”


*************


Talking to Nick is relaxing. Especially after a torturous math class. I sat in the courtyard where there were a bunch of benches. I didn’t have class for awhile so I could talk to him for awhile. I ignored the stares, yes I’m a loner, yes I’m a dork, and yes I’m plain, leave me the hell alone. I leaned back against my bulky backpack, damn the fact I don’t have a car. Students walked by giving me glances. Stop looking at me dammit!

“Were you okay that night we talked last? Its been a few days since we talked and I thought I’d ask. You seemed hella out of it.” The wind picked up and blew into my face. Ponytail didn’t manage to keep all my hair from blowing in my face. Damn that wind. Once again I am so thankful he cannot see me. Why would he want to anyway? I’m not that special. Yet, I wish he didn’t have that damn evil blood sucking girlfriend of his. Okay, so I had no freaking clue if she was that evil based off of one small fight Nick mentioned that I know nada about. But god damn it, in my mind she is cause now I stand no chance. He's Nick Carter, he can have anyone, and she has to be better than me. Not that that’s hard.

“I just partied too hard, hangovers suck ya know.” His voice broke into my reverie.

“Glad you’re okay at least, you worried me.”

“I did?” He sounded surprised, aww.

“A bit yeppers.”

“Hey I’m special so so special then!” I couldn’t help but giggle. He sounded happy, yet something seemed off. It bugged just a little. My eyes take in the robin’s egg blue sky, the peacefulness about me since classes started, even though the wind is still annoying me. Nope, not going inside. “Possibly.”

“Nah, I am.”

There was an awkward pause then. I wonder what he’s thinking. “Thinking about your girlfriend…”

“Tracy? Just wondering why she’s mad still. Maybe its cause I’m a mean ass bastard and a bad boyfriend.”

I chuckled, thinking he’s kidding. “I doubt that one.”

“I wouldn’t, I am. Ask anyone. I am a bastard at heart, so next topic.” Whoa, was this the lighthearted guy I’ve been talking to? Then again, it reminded me of the vibe I had gotten that last time, that he was depressed.

“Oh hell no, not next topic, why are you so hard on yourself?”

“Cause its fucking true. Next topic.”

“I doubt that highly.”

“You haven’t known me that long.”

“I believe you’re not the person you think you are, you’re better.”

“How do you know that?”

“Call it instinct.”

“You’ll see.”

“Nope, you will. And I’ll prove it to ya someday, betcha anything.” Was that me talking? Since when have I ever been so bold?

I could hear him laugh, and that made me smile. “Alright then, I’ll take that bet. You’re a damn stubborn woman.”

Not my best quality. “Yeah, shy and stubborn, not the best combo.”

It's then his tone became the teasing one I recognized. “I like it.”

“Glad someone does.”

“I do, you’re an interesting chick Calypso.”

We continued to talk and I just know it was one of my better days. The stares students gave me became forgotten, as I relaxed and talked to this man under the setting sun in the courtyard. I missed a class but oh well. I was enjoying myself. We talked for only two hours this time around, but the conversation was better this time. I was waiting for Iz to pick me up from the college as our talk ended. I was relaxed and it was nice for once. Maybe because, for once, I was myself and not who my parents, my siblings, or my friends, wish me to be.


***********


“I have to get to a recording session with the fellas, I’ll tell Brian you said hey. And thanks by the way Cally.” I’m forced to tell her. Honestly I was already hella late. Kevin was going to have me barbequed. Shit.

“For what?” She asked confused.

“Just for the chat.” I lied. What was I supposed to say. For saving me the last time she called? Hell no.

“Oh, um hehe, you’re welcome.”

“Next time, you use your phone to take a pic of yourself and send it to me baby.”

“Why do you need that?” She sounded worried. Why?

“So when we ain’t too damn lazy to hang in person I’ll recognize you.”

“……maybe.”

“Aight, I really gotta go now.”

“Tell Brian I said hey.”

“Later Cally.”

“Bye Nick”

Click.

After we hung up I felt better. I did. Even if my girlfriend Tracy did fucking ream me out for shit just before I talked to Cally. Even if it was over something I don’t even know I did or what about it I did wrong. I just, felt a bit lighter was all. I was myself for once and that was so damn freeing for me. To be me and not that fucking image I have. I was me. Me without any false smiles and shit. Me without pretending to be hyper and okay around a bunch of stupid cameras. Outside of a few moments where I didn’t want Calypso to see how fucked up I am. With Calypso who, ain’t like most girls. Now I can fucking relax and figure out how to fix things with Trace. Thank you Cally.

"Just Another Day"

Chapter Five: Living in A Shadow

I stare at a chess board as I sat in the corner of a cute but not well known, coffee shop down the street from my college. I had no idea this was here and I pass by it everyday. Pop music filtered my ears, the young voice of Jesse McCartney floating around as I moved my pawn and waited for Brian to make his move.

"How did you know about this place?"

Brian gave me a small grin. My psychology homework and textbook were off to the side since I had brought them so he could help me out.

"I need little hidden places like this so the paparazzi and fans can't chase me as I'm trying to get some coffee." He chuckled. "Places like this help me out on that front." His sky blue eyes twinkled impishly at me as he made his move.

I sipped my hot cocoa lightly. Like I said, I wasn't a fan of coffee. Stupid coffee houses don't carry mountain dew. How dare they! Oh well. I scan the chess board for a good move. My brother Johnny had been the one to teach me. On one of our rare moments when he remembers he had two sisters instead of just Blossom,. A day he came by and we talked. I asked him to teach me and he did. We're still working on our bonding thing. When I say working, I mean I'm trying and he's not. "Are they really that bad?"

Brian smiled again, his dimples showing amidst his defined cheekbones. "Its part of the job, but it gets crazy. You're lucky you haven't seen it yet."

I nod, but really I can't comprehend it. Sure it must be annoying but still, its attention. That's a good thing. "So with classical conditioning, its where you develop a fear or an attraction that wasn't originally there?"

"Yes, and then to get rid of it, the bond tying it to the response must be severed, either by avoidance of the thing you like, or facing the fear. Once the reaction is gone, its called extinction."

"Ooh, kay. And then if that response comes back suddenly when the stimuli appear, its called spontaneous recovery."

"Exactly. See, not too bad." I spied his hand trying to move my pawns in his favor and I grabbed his hand laughing. "Hey now!"

"Hahehe, worth a try."

"So how's Leigh and Baylee."

"Baylee's staying at his grandmothers, which he thinks is a huge treat. Leigh's doing alright; she's started doing scenes for a small movie she's going to be in."

"I didn't know she wanted to be an actress."

"Off and on, Baylee's more important to her than her career."

"Ahh."

"So," He leaned against the small table between us, sliding the game aside since neither of us was paying too much attention to it now. "Did you take my advice yesterday?"

"And call Nick? Sure." I shrugged nonchalantly as if it were no big deal. Before Brian could say anything more, I could hear my cell phone ringing loudly. I grinned a bit at the ring tone, which happened to be "18 till I die" by Bryan Adams, loved that song. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Brian grin at that. I went by the door and answered.

"Yellow?"

"Calypso Lynn Rayne, where are you?!"

I frown at the tone my mother had when I answered. What the hell. "I'm studying with a friend; he's helping me with my psychology homework."

"You were supposed to be home today so you could help me and your father paint the house."

I raised a brow. Oh you had to be kidding me. Now they wanted me home? Now they wanted me to paint? Only when it suited them. That so freaking figures. Screw that, I may still live at home but I was turning 19 years old in a few months from now and I was an adult. Sort of. So why was I supposed to rush home from what I was doing, to please them? Forget that.

"Oh, but I thought my painting was useless."

"I don't like your attitude."

"Well you've been telling me all this time, go into psychology, its the better career. Painting is something I won't ever use. You never care when I'm out anyway. I try to fix things and nope, lets not do that.... You want me home now cause you need something." I was close to tears. I hate fighting with my parents. I hated the way this was making me feel. I can never win. I just wanted to be free of the people I was supposed to be. But that’s just a girl's fantasy I suppose.

"When you move out, you can do what you wish. Right now you still live at home. Why can't you be more like your siblings?! They were more respectful..."

"You always want me to be like them!"

"Maybe there's a reason to that, you could learn a lot from your siblings. Certainly something about respect and knowledge about the REAL world-"

I cut her off, knowing where this was going. I didn't want to hear anymore. "I'll be right home."

"That’s the right choice honey."

"Love you mom." I hung up and wiped my eyes. I hoped Brian didn't hear too much but I knew he had. Damn. I walked up and got my things together. That hot cocoa suddenly became so damn fascinating, I mean, look at those whipped cream swirls! Its hard avoiding a twenty eight year old rock star though. Surprisingly enough.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, shifting away. My eyes, are windows to emotions. I just wish I knew how to put the blinders on. Life for me would be so much easier if I did. But I don't, and honestly? It sucks. "I'm all the good, I just....have to get going though." I replied quietly, for once not wanting attention.

"Are you sure you're alright Cally?" I could hear the concern in his voice, and it made me even more upset. I loved my parents, they're good parents. Don't get me wrong in all this. But sometimes, they were blind. Especially when it came to me. Why when I was on the phone, my mom didn't hear how upset I was? My back is to Brian, as I put my notebooks and textbook in my backpack casually. It was all in my voice, despite my struggle to hide it there. Why could he hear it and not her? It wasn't fair.

I sighed, I've put up so many walls around me growing up, its hard to tear them down. "I'll be okay, anyway I can hitch a ride from you home?" I asked, really not in the mood to ride my bike. Besides, his jeep could fit it in the back with no issues. Lets just hope my parents don't wonder who I got the ride from. I doubt they will. They know so little about me anymore.

"Sure hun, we'll talk on the way as you give me directions and you can tell me what's bugging you."

He put his large concealing hat on, along with dark shades I knew were to conceal himself. He told me that he doesn't get followers in even a 10th of the scale Nick gets them, but he likes to be careful. No one took notice of us as we left the coffee shop, hopped in the Jeep after putting my bike in, and sped off.

************

" Somebody listen please, it used to be so hard being me. Living in the shadow, of someone else's dream... trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me. Living in a nightmare, never ending sleep..."

I turned off the radio on a small table behind me. I ain’t much for Ashlee Simpson anyway. For some reason though Calypso came to mind at it. Then again, she's starting to float in my mind often. Too often. Trace was back home in Las Vegas, Nevada. She had been on "vacation" from her day job when she had come out here to be an extra in our video and met me. So now she was on the phone with me again. Only this time not yelling. Thank the freaking damn lord. My ears couldn't take much more damage. I shouldn't be on the phone. I'm supposed to be paying attention since we're doing a recording session at this small studio in downtown LA. Mostly underground artists use it. Or, the few bands who know of it and don't want to be found. Which would be us. We had a number of songs we're trying. Me and Kevin usually are the main writers of the band, though Brian tends to throw his writing skills in here and there when he has the time to when he's not taking care of his son. Howie's a really talented writer, but he's got those business ventures with real estate that he's doing keeping him busy. AJ, well, honestly, I have no damn clue about Jay. He's fresh out of rehab though so we give him leeway so he can work on that. As long as the song represents the band as a whole and we love the vibe and flow of it and the music, it's usually a keeper.

Though I have to say, I've had the craving to try and convince the band to cover a Nirvana song. That band was classic. Inspiration. You can feel the pain Kurt Cobain put in his music. I haven't found my way to fully do that yet. But hell, maybe its cause even the band don't know. Only my trusty journal, which has my scribbles, doodles, songs, poems, rants. It never leaves my sight either. I'd fucking die if fans ever nabbed it.

Right now we're testing vocals for who fits the lead most for a song I penned. Its fucking awesome, I think. It's called Blow Your Mind. I let go on that one. I wonder if Cally would be interested in the recording process? She does seem the creative type... I should be paying attention...oh shit! Trace!

"You'd love this apartment I'm looking at Nick..." Oh good. She thinks I'm listening. Wait a fucking minute. Apartment!?!

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, apartment Tracy?"

"I think we could consider the possibility."

"We've been dating only two weeks, give it time. Besides your job is in Las Vegas, and mine mainly focuses in LA." I lean back in my swivel chair before the controls in front of the vocal booth.

"You're a musician, you tour half the time."

"We record in LA. The guys live in LA...This is way too soon for an apartment."

"Nicky, I thought we had a connection." I cringed. We had no damn connection if she's calling me Nicky. I hate being called that, my mother used to call me that.

Uh oh. I feel a pair of eyes on me. Five bucks says they're a pair jade green ones that look pissed off. I looked up and gave a grin. Yep. Someone should owe me five dollars now. Damn, I should have said fifty. "Trace, babe, I need to go...yeah...bye." I hang up my sidekick quick. I love my sidekick, I am so damn addicted to this thing. That and my ipod, especially during a boring meeting. Howie and Kevin are the business savvy ones here. Me, I stick the earplugs in and turn my ipod on shuffle, and text my way to happiness...

"Nick, are you even paying attention?!"

Shit. I did it again. Okay, my ADHD meds are doing shit for me. Don't tell Kevin that. He's my self appointed foster dad. He does a better job than my actual father, to give him credit. He'd force me to get my medication upped.

"Yep, of course I am."

"Who's in the vocal booth then?" He stood in front of me, blocking my view. Uh oh.

Please be Bri, please be Bri. "Brian of course."

The look of surprise told me I won. Yay me! "Okay then, just coming to tell you you're up next."

I grin. "Yep, I knew that."

Howie chuckled and tried to shoo AJ away, who wanted to braid his hair for some odd reason. Jay's a freak sometimes I think, and wants us to be like him. It's fun bugging Howie though, so I snickered. AJ laughed. "You did huh Nickay?"

I smirk as Brian headed out and I stand to go lay down some vocals. Time to clear my head. Yet I couldn't fully do that. It's bad too. Very bad. But I felt like I was needed, and it wasn't by the fellas.

***********

Suffice it to say, painting the house didn't go well. I also had to work tomorrow. That sucked. I do have a job. A very crummy one by the way that I do part time around my school schedule. Arby's. The least glamorous job you can think of. That night though, I was in my room. Very depressed, and alone. After another lovely fight with my parents, they went out. There was no one to call really. Iz had a date tonight. I got Teddy's voice mail, and still couldn't call Sebastian. So I put on my Evanescence cd on full blast, sitting on a bean bag in my room before a canvas. I was in the mode to paint, to let all those screaming, raging, crying emotions out and into a piece, a vision escaping my head and onto paper. Nothing was coming though. Likely cause I was still too upset. And that pissed me off. The fact they even took the joy of painting from me. If only for tonight. I screamed, letting the tears of frustration run down as the music blared its haunting tone. I love that band.

And then my phone rang.

I debated picking up but I did, not even taking a glance at the caller id. I sniffed a bit, its been a long night.

“Cally’s house of crazies, if you’re a loon you get a room.” I said softly, attempting to sound light.

“Hey, its Nick..” A pause. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. Where are you? I hear music.” I suck at lying. Change of topic is good.

“Recording studio. You sound so sad, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nada, I swear…”

“On a case of red mountain dew?” I had to laugh there. I had mentioned my addiction to the soda. He happened to be addicted to Starbucks and Dr. Pepper by the way.

“Ooh did I just hear a laugh.”

I smile and pretend to pout. “No.”

“I did toooo… so really Cally, what’s gotcha down?”

“Life sucks and then we die.”

“Sounds cynical, that’s more me, not you.” I started painting then, not sure of what, just what was coming to mine after I set the phone in my room to speaker so I had my hands free. My parents wouldn’t be back for hours so I had no worry of them hearing.

“Well it does. Especially when you’re not who you’re supposed to be.”

A sigh came on my end, and did I hear one on his? “And who are you supposed to be?”

“Someone else.”

Is it sad that he could tell something was really eating at me, far quicker than my parents ever had? Some of my friends even. Well he did, and he made me feel better. Even without knowing the problem, since I didn’t let that part of the conversation go too far. Too dangerous. He wouldn’t like the real me being around all the time. Nobody else did. Best she lives in the shadows.

“What’s wrong with being you?”

“Far too much Nick…far too much.”

“Just Another Day”

Chapter Six: Damn

Over the next few days I was more or less trying to study for an exam. I wasn’t succeeding very well to be truly honest. How could I? I mean honestly. I had Nick on my mind far too much. He just, got me. When I showed my real side. He seemed to like it. I was scared of being myself too much though. And how I felt. The man did have a girlfriend. I am glad she doesn’t live in LA though. Ha. Ha. Ha. Okay, I needed to stop thinking about Nick. So I paint. When I painted I got distracted quickly. When my parents started complaining or ranting about something I pretty much tuned them out. I just kept thinking about Nick Carter and everything just kind of faded into the background. This is a first for me really. Besides I was probably just happy about getting a new guy friend who was so cool a person. I wasn’t sure exactly how to handle it though. Everything about it is so unusual. So I just kind of kept it from everyone. Why tell them? I just kept thinking that he wouldn’t see much in me eventually. You know, like how every other guy does.

Right then, with these thoughts, I was at work. My oh so lovely boring job. I hate my job. But a girl has to earn a car somehow. I was getting way too sick of that bike of mine. So I worked. At a fast food place. But at least this one paid a good two dollars above minimum wage. So that was a bit spiffy. I was in the drive thru, and supposed to be taking orders. Ha, like that was going to happen. My mind refused to concentrate. Not for lack of trying. I have been trying! I swear! Then after a LONG day of people yelling at me, demanding food, and someone throwing a soda at me, I rode home. Tired, exhausted. And wow, when I got there my parents were home. What a shocker. So I go inside, changed, and flopped on my bed. Now I had to study. Oh yeah, this was just a fun day wasn’t it?

My eyes were trying to focus on a chapter mainly on the studies of Nature Versus Nurture with specific experiments on identical twins when my cell rang. I was debating on ignoring it. I was tired, though beginning to wake up thanks to my trusted mountain dew. Regular kind, I needed to go shopping. Then I realized it was my “Cops” theme song ringtone, which as a joke I set as the one for Nick’s number. I grab my phone quickly, shoving the textbook aside. Hey, I‘ve been reading for a very long ten minutes… Time for a study break!

“Hello?”

“hallo!” I blink with a bit of surprise to hear Brian’s voice instead.

“Hey Bri, what’s up?”

I hear him chuckle on the other end. I smile, he’s so goofy at times. “At the moment Hun, I’ve kidnapped Nickolas’s phone and am in need of help.” Hmm, wonder why Brian was allowed to call Nick, Nickolas. Something to look into since I liked Nick’s full name better.

I laughed, so that’s why it was Nick’s ringtone. Still, I was partly glad it was Brian, since I haven’t told anyone, he was the one I talked to about it. It made my life easier and really he’s such an easy person to talk to. I’ve told him several times he’d be a better psychiatrist than I’d ever be. He’s always just laughed and said someone in the band has to be sane.

“Whatcha need?” I ask, twirling a stand of my dark blond hair around my finger. I need to get it trimmed badly. I have the bad habit of keeping it back in a ponytail and forgetting about it.

“Hehe…” Yes he actually said that, cute isn’t it? If he was my age I would probably have some sort of crush on him.

“Come on now Ducky Boy out with it..”

He laughs hard at that one. “Ducky Boy?”

See I felt so much more comfortable with Brian already than with Nick. More cause I wasn’t trying to get Brian’s attention. I knew all I wanted with him was friendship. I had no worries of what he thought of me. He’s easier to figure out than Nick as well. That much I’ve learned already in my short time knowing them. One of the things Nick had told me that night I was depressed, in an attempt to cheer me up, was that Brian was a bit afraid of ducks. Yep, guitarist Brian Littrell hates ducks and is afraid of them. Crazy right? I stored that information to be used…well now is a good time right?

I snicker. “I hear you’re afraid of ducks.”

“Oh-my-god! Your boy is a dead man.”

I couldn’t help but giggle. “it’s so funny….“

“I can’t help it, I don’t like them and they DO NOT like me!“

I giggle even more at the thought of ducks chasing poor Brian down. “It‘s such a great story.”

“I suppose he hasn’t told you about when he was stuck to a restroom stall door?”

I crack up, “What?”

“He wouldn’t stop driving us, especially Alex mad. So to get him back, he super glued the poor kid’s hands to the door. He was stuck for quite some time until we finally were able to free him.” He chuckles. “When Alex finally told us where Nick was at least.”

“Haha that’s awesome, I’ll have to bring that up to him.”

“Hahehe, see two can tell stories.“

“So anyways what’s the favor?”

“I was hoping you could help the dead blonde walking baby-sit tonight. Alex was supposed to but he’s sick and of course we don’t want him near Baylee till he’s better. My cousin is romancing his wife, Kristen, Howie is out with his girlfriend Lee, and there is Nick, but I feel more comfortable if someone else is with him. I remembered you saying you like kids ”

I grin big, the child was adorable. Just like his father. I’m betting he ends up a heartbreaker. I love little kids, so this sounded fun. Forget studying!

“Unless you have other things to do…”

“Nah, just studying, but I can do that while he sleeps too.”

“Hahehehe.”

I laugh at his infectious boyish giggle. “What?”

“He won’t let you even try to study.”

“He better. “ I reply as I stand not sure if he meant Nick or Baylee. Oh wow, I was gonna see the Nick I’ve been talking to, and thinking about, in person. Whoa. I look at the mirror holding the phone with my head against my shoulder as I was fixing my hair back into a semi-neat ponytail. See what I mean? I so needed to get it fixed, cut, styled, SOMETHING. Even my tomboy self would put up with it, I have been in sort of a frumpy slump even for me, as of late. Time to remedy that I think. “That or I’ll tie him up and then hype myself up on Mountain Dew and torture him after I get said studying done.”

“Hahehehehehe, I believe he has met his match then.”

“Alright let me write down your address and I’ll be down there soon. Twenty minutes okay?”

“Sounds fine Hun, thank you. Nick’s like a brother, still, I feel better if he’s not alone watching my son while me and Leighanne go out.”

I write down his address and say goodbye. Once I hung up I was going through my closet for something to wear. I was in my artist’s overalls, which were covered with paint. Wait, what was I doing? No need to get concerned about clothes. Sheesh. I grab another random pair of baggy jean overalls. I have a funky sense of style, most say. I put them on, hoping they’re not paint stained. They seem okay. Oh well if they’re not. I can’t freak about my clothes cause it won’t matter anyway. I put them on over one of my favorite Rolling Stones T-shirt and considered myself set after I threw on a pair of Vans. Little did I know that this was the beginning of an unknown setup. I was beyond my mind in apprehension. I was going to see the guy I’ve talked to several times especially since he was on the phone with me in after that math class. Meet him in person for the first time. I knew I’d be safe too since I have hung out with Brian. See I wasn’t so naïve. Go me.

“Mom, Dad, I’m going out, don’t wait up!” I yell and head to my bike. It was about eight o’clock at night, not too late anyway. I couldn’t afford a cab and Brian’s place wasn’t far. I had met up with Brian earlier this week along with his wife Leighanne, just to talk and whatnot. Still, I haven’t really talked with Nick in person yet. So a small jolt of excitement was running down my spine as I rode my bike down to Brian’s house to baby-sit. I have to act normal though, like I would around Bri or Sebastian or Teddy. Damn I wish I had more female skills. I rarely curse but damn. Just Damn.


*************


So here I am, here to watch a kid who I considered to be a nephew . In some ways, a new little brother. Shit, I was jealous of Bri. I want what he has. Loving Wife and kid, a family who actually cares. A home. Fuck why the hell can’t I have what others get so damn easy? But hell that night it was either watch Baylee or go get drunk at the clubs. Something I was trying to cut down on since the DUI. Trace was of course in Vegas. I‘m used to long distance relationships, but I suck at them. And that whole apartment suggestion freaked me the fuck out. Besides, I do like kids. I can relate to them pretty well. I’m always sending over story books I’ve made, songs I’ve written for the kid. I probably won’t ever get married or have a kid of my own. Gotta go and spoil someone’s kid I guess. I want a family of my own, like the fellas do. Damn I want that bad. Right then I was watching a blue clues tape with him in the living room, he’s leaning against me with us both on the couch as I moved some of those blond curls out of his face. I can’t help but laugh to myself. Him and Leighanne hated the idea of cutting that two-year-old’s hair. At the rate this was going the poor kid was gonna have a fro. I was sort of waiting, Brian didn’t want me sitting alone. He knows me too well, once Baylee was asleep I’d be left alone with my shitty thoughts as always. He didn’t say who he was sending, whoever available I guess. I was betting it would be AJ. Right now him and Candy are on the off part of their off on relationship thing, whatever the fuck they’re calling it right now. He’d come over and not mind it at all. He’s been a bit sick the last day or so, so I wasn’t sure.

I grin as I hear Baylee sing along to a part of the main song on the show. “We joce fibbured out boo’s coo’s!” roughly translated that would be “We just figured out Blue’s Clue’s” But that’s as close as I can describe it sounding when he sang it. I was about to sing with him when I heard the doorbell. I get up and peeked out a window. Making sure it wasn’t the damn paparazzi again. They haven’t left me the fuck alone since my bad shit with London. They pestered me before, but not the way they have this past year. Makes a guy wanna fucking scream. I see no one attempting to hide anywhere so I figure it’s safe. I open the door and I can’t help but look a bit startled when I see a pretty girl standing at the door. A fan? No. She wasn’t a fan. The girl was sane, didn’t have my name written all over her face, wasn’t screaming, and was sane. Did I say she was fucking sane?

It’s then my eyes really start to take her in, She was a tall girl with some curves, more than most guys would like I guess. I didn’t mind it, not skinny but not enormous either. Just, with extra padding is a way to say it. Fuck, I have more padding than she does, she’s a girl I can hug and not be poked to death by her ribs. Her eyes stand out the most to me at first. I never saw eyes so big and so damn blue in my life. They sparkled with an innocence I’m hella surprised to see. She looks about nineteen and usually by that point the innocence is stolen from you. Long before then usually. My gaze then stayed on her hair. It was so damn long, it’s some dark shade of blonde too. Not some dyed fake shit, like my ex. Fuck I wanted to just run my hands through it. Smell it. I know that sounds crazy but I have a fucking fetish for hair and then smelling it. Fans have even gotten pissed off when I did it to them without thinking. The smelling of the hair I mean.

She was gorgeous in a way most probably would pass her by. The type no one sees because they’re too busy looking for the easy girls. I’m guilty of that sometimes myself, but this one, this one I would have spotted in the middle of a mob. Or the stick thin ones who look like they’re starving (like my damn ex). Not necessarily in society’s fucking so called perfect view of how women should look. Something inside her just radiated and makes her best features shine. I usually see pretty a hell of a lot different from most. What most girls think are their “flaws” (I don’t think anyone has flaws anyway, God made them that way so how are they flawed? They’re just different.), I see it as adding up to making them beautiful. She was beautiful, sexy in her own way. Best way I can describe it. Fuck! Why was I doing this? I do have a damn girlfriend. Shit Nick, remember that. I can tell she feels nervous under my eyes cause she focuses her look on something behind me and speaks up.

“Hi Nick, I’m um, I’m Cally and Brian called…um saying you needed help babysitting? Um yeah…I had thought he would answer…” her eyes stare at the ground now. Wait THIS was Calypso? Damn. Just Damn. She looks like the free spirit I guessed her to be from talking with her. I noticed a few spots of paint on her overalls, from her painting I bet. Yes overalls, and she looked adorable. Over a Stones t-shirt which showed she had taste in music. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, and her glasses framed her eyes. Very laid back look, something girls rarely do and it appealed to me. Damn, I have a hard time taking my eyes off her. Nothing more to be said there. I was stunned, plain and simple. I had two problems. One, I shouldn’t be this stunned cause she’s too good for the likes of me. I know that much already from the talks on the phone. Two, despite all that I had a girlfriend. Three, I need to remember One, Two, and to say hi or something to her. Damn… Just damn.

“Just Another Day”

Chapter Seven: Us? Babysitting?

For a moment I was regretting even telling Brian I would baby-sit. I knew this would happen. There he was, this rough looking yet baby faced handsome rock star, annoyed at this girl he talked to turning out way less than pretty. I knew it. I’m nothing like the girl he thought I’d be. I could tell he was staring in what I knew had to be shock. Just perfect, he was expecting someone Hollywood type gorgeous and he got the freaky frumpy plain fat girl. Freaking flipping peachy. I wanted to leave right then and there. Did I? No, but I still can’t tell you why I didn’t.

“Um hello?”

Nick seemed startled and smiled a little, seeming almost forced but it wasn’t, I could see it in his eyes. Well at least he wasn’t mad about me showing up. Not that that makes it a damn bit easier does it.

“Sorry,” he said a bit sheepishly, “Brian told me he’d send over help but I expected Jay, not you.”

“Oh.”

Then the most awkward silence I’ve had to deal with. And I’ve dealt with many. Why did I agree to this? I should have known better.

I frown, okay maybe I was wrong about doing this. “Look if you want I’ll just go.”

His eyes widen and I get the urge to giggle cause it was just so sudden and dramatic looking. “No! No! I want to hang out with the Calypso baby in person.” He gives me a grin and I could almost see why girls fawn over him. Almost. There was still that vibe I had gotten from talking to him, something that just said this person isn’t what he seemed. Which was the “perfect and happy rock star” there was something in his face that was almost pleading for help but so subtle you could easily forget it’s there. I stand there awkwardly, not knowing what to say to him for once, and becoming the shy quiet girl I always am around anyone who doesn’t know me well. My eyes focus on the ground and I curse my insecurities yet again.

He grins, trying to make me comfortable I think. It was a good try anyway. “You want to come in?”

“Sure” I reply quietly. Now I talked to this guy often enough. WHY was I suddenly shy? I always get shy. But he’s a friend now, I should be more comfortable than this. Why am I staring at the ground? Look up! Say something! Anything! I follow him inside and look around. This was nice, but not overdone, now if I didn’t see the gold records hidden down a hallway, I would never have thought this to be the house of a music star. Whoa. They’re human. Good reminder to have.

“So…um..”

I get tugged by my arm along to the living room and a small smile crawls upon my face. It’s almost like a kid. Almost. Then I get a sudden hug. Whoa. Wow. Ooh okay I like this. Oh my god I’m blushing! No! Not at a hug! My face is so hot. Oh lord. Damn my shyness!

“What was that for?” I ask, far too quiet for my own liking.

“Cause, you sounded like you needed a big one the other day and I couldn’t give it till today.” He said simply with a shrug. Like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I spotted Baylee entranced by Blue’s Clues in the living room, and laughed as the adorable little boy kept pushing the curls out of his eyes. I remember asking Brian about that and him admitting he needed to cut Baylee’s hair, but didn’t want to.

“Poor little guy, aren’t they ever going to cut his hair?” I muse, forgetting Nick was beside me for a second. How I forgot I’ll never know.

Then I heard his laugh. His lighthearted, infectious, hybrid giggle laugh. You have to hear it to understand it. “I don’t know but soon Rok’s gonna need a lawn mower to cut it at the rate its growing.”

I laughed along with him. Not at what he said, but because honestly, when he laughs, you can’t help but laugh along. He grinned. “You hungry? Bri’s got the fridge stocked.”

I blinked and watched him. “Is he okay with that?” And the shyness returns. Lovely.

He dragged me into the kitchen. “Nah, he’s cool with it. Bay’ll be okay, he never moves much when Blue is on.”

I follow him in and just kind of look around. On the walls adorned pictures of Brian’s family, pictures of the band, performances, pictures with other singers. I spotted one of Brian and the rest of the band when they must have been first starting out, on the counter. Nick followed my gaze as I picked up the frame.

“Wow, how old is this one?” I said quietly, surprised at how young they all looked in the photo, especially Nick.

“That was when we first started, I was fourteen.” He said from behind me, making me jump with surprise. I had thought he was rummaging through the fridge. The frame flew up into the air and we both dived for the ground to catch it. It seemed to happen in slow motion. That was until Nick thudded against the ground and I happened to land on top of him. His hand shot out and barely caught the frame moments before it would have hit the floor otherwise. After my relief passed, I realized our position.


**************

So here I am with this cute, sexy, girl on top of me. Something I usually dive right into. I didn’t. Go me. I did have a girlfriend. We both stared at each other a bit. I couldn’t help it. It was those big innocent blue eyes of hers. The ones her glasses framed and complimented. It wasn’t my fault she had such damn pretty eyes. I’m a sucky ass boyfriend. Because I didn’t want to move. She started turning red as we both stayed quiet. She’s so shy, its actually a hella refreshing change from what I’m used to.

“Sorry about that, are you alright?”

“All good. Lets go make sure Bay’s still alive.” I answered, knowing its time for the kid’s bedtime soon.

We both stayed there though. I laughed to ease the tension. “We have to move.”

Cally made a face as she seemed to move and then stop. “Okay, well..”

“What?”

She laughed hard and I smiled a bit. “Well, you’re going to find this totally crazy.”

“Not with what I’ve seen and done before.” I replied with a chuckle. If she only knew how true that one was.

“Well my overall strap latchy thingies are tangled with your necklaces.”

This is where I lost it. It just stuck me as hilarious. Here I am, having thought this would be a depressing night with babysitting and now it turns out I’m babysitting with this pretty girl stuck on top of me. Well. That fucking teaches me to assume now doesn’t it.

She started giggling too. “It’s…not…funny…” she protested between laughs.

I gave her a wild grin as I shifted my gaze to where Baylee is sitting. Well…sleeping now. At least we were able to see him from where we were. “Bay’s safe, sound, and asleep on the couch. We’re stuck, so as we try and untangle this shit, it gives us a good chance to chat don’t ya think?”

Cally reached back and tightened her ponytail as best as she could before nodding. I smirked. Now if she’d been around me longer, she’d see that smirk is a sign of danger. Well, according to Brian anyway. Humph. Its really more a sign of me having fun. What can I say? Had to take advantage of the situation. Muahaha. And that hair was begging to be freed from the ponytail. Really. It was. I could hear it. So with my long ass arms I sneaky sneaky managed to tug that scrunchie away and set that hair free! All while being stuck to her due the freaky nature of overall straps and necklaces.

“Heeeey! What was that for?” She said with a pout. Wow. She’s pretty good at that. I think its all in those eyes of hers. I really like her eyes, prolly why they keep entering my screwed up ADHD mind. Shit! Nick! Girlfriend! Remember Tracy! Fuck I suck.

I gave her the most innocent look I could muster. Wonder if it worked. She was getting more comfortable though at least, she wasn’t staring at the ground or at the wall as much now. “What was what for?” They should put a halo over my head right about… now.

Before she could answer. My cell rang. On the coffee table. Which now seemed 20 miles away. And it was the ring tone for Brian’s number. Aww shit. He was checking up on us. Oh no. Don’t let it wake up Baylee. I could just see him start to stir. Uh oh. And I wonder why Brian never likes me babysitting alone. But! This wouldn’t have happened if I was alone. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Shit! Focus!

“We have to get that. It’s Bri and if we don’t answer, I’m doomed.”

She chuckled. “Oh and we’re gonna get that how. Ooh I hope Baylee doesn’t wake up.”

Light bulb! Damn thing finally, ever so fucking slowly, flickered on above my head. “If we both kinda slide/crawl at the same time we could.” My god, this sounds like dry humping even to me. Thank the lord its only me and her. Thank you God that Tracy is back in Vegas and can’t come by to visit.

From the look on Cally’s face, yeah, she’s thinking the same dirty damn thing I am. Minus the thanking God that Tracy’s not here. Not that He exists anyway. Focus now. “I know it sounds hella weird, but I can’t think of anythin’ else here.”

“Um, lets try it then.”

“Push with your arms as I slide backward.” Oh yeah, she’s thinking I’m a dirty old man now. No, the dirty old man is AJ. I’m just a fucking freak. No, that’s AJ too. Forget it, I ain’t got time for my fucked up mind to wander right now.

So she pushed and I slid and after a few tries we got moving. I really hope she doesn’t feel what I do though as we slowly move towards the coffee table…


***************

Oddest night of my life. I swear to the ever freaking lordie. I am here, babysitting with this cool guy who happens to be famous. We chat, almost break a photo, fall on each other trying to catch it. As we do that we end up stuck to each other and now we’re rubbing on each other in an effort to get to the cell phone of Nick’s that Brian is calling while we pray Baylee doesn’t wake up only inches away from said phone on the couch. All because of some freaky joining of overall strap latchy things and necklaces. And I’m on top of him. Rubbing so we can move. Wow. Okay. I know my face is bright red now. Whoa! I felt a big freaking bump! Oh…my…god… Cally, don’t look down there. No matter how tempting it is. Don’t look. Don’t look. Don’t look. For the love of all things mountain dew minus that nasty orange kind, don’t look! Or he’ll know you felt it. Wow. Oddest night of my life. I swear. We finally get to the coffee table and since I was on top (wow that sounds dirty) I was able to get to the phone easier. I could only lift my head up so far so my hand kinda reached till I felt something. So I answered.

“You call me mellow yellow?” I’m odd and I need a distraction. Best I could do. The bump is still there. I can also feel Nick desperately trying to shift. Oh boy. Literally.

“Calypso?”

Probably expected Nick. Oh well. Don’t think of Nick. Don’t. Cause then you’ll look and looking is bad…

“Hey Brian, what’s up?”

“How’s the babysitting? Everything okay?” Hmm, music is playing, wonder if Nick changed the channel. I snuck a glance downward and Nick was singing softly to Baylee to soothe him. The music was Nick, ooh. Guess the little tyke did wake up a little. Hmm, Nick has a good voice. Knew that, but its so sweet right then.

“Oh yeah, everything’s good.”

“Is Nick okay?”

I chuckled. “Um yeah, we’re really sticking together with this babysitting thing.”

“Good to hear. How’s my Bay-man doing?”

“Sleeping like an angel.” My focus was on Nick. He’s so sweet. I couldn’t help it.

“We’ll be back in a little while.”

“Okie dokie pokie. Later gator.” I hung up and looked at Nick. “So, want to try getting unstuck?” No. I don’t, despite the moments of awkwardness coming with it.

“Sure, and we can talk like we planned.” I blew a lock of hair away from my face. Damn him for taking my scrunchie.

“Can I get my scrunchie back?” I reached for the remote next to the phone turned off the TV. The house was so peaceful, in a not lonely way.

“Why do you wear it?”

“I’m a tomboy at heart. I should cut it.”

The look on his face made me laugh. It was so much shock that it was funny. “Noooo. You shouldn’t. You have pretty hair.”

“Oh...um…thanks” What does one say to that?

“So, what do you wanna talk about?”

“Tell me more about yourself. The real you.”

His surprise told me so much. I wondered how many people actually wanted to hear more about that. I did though. The good I’m seeing, and the bad that has to be there. I want to know.

“The real me.”

I shrugged as best as I could since my movement was a bit limited. “Sure, why not.”

He shrugged, but I could see the question unnerved him. Crap. I didn’t mean to upset him. “What’s to know, twenty four year old musician…”

“Well, what’s it like?” I asked softly. I wanted to know. My gaze fixes upon the wall instead of on him below me.

“Crazy, insane as all…” his eyes shifted to Baylee and he censored himself. “heck.”

“You’re a good singer.”

He chuckled. Guess he’s heard that a lot. Yeah, I don’t sound lame. Lord. I hate being the dull wallflower I am sometimes. “Thanks. It was either sing or draw, I ain’t good at much else.”

My interest peaked. “You draw?”

“Nothing special, I would have tried comics if I didn’t make it in music. I ain’t all that smart.”

I frowned and tried to maneuver my arm on his chest so I can lean on it instead of on him cause my neck was getting tired. Those necklaces were caught tight, any effort to pull would choke Nick. I couldn’t unhook cause of how tight the tangle was and I was honestly too scared of even trying to get the overalls off; and of course the clasp part was in the tangle meaning the easy solution was out. Then I asked something I’ve been wanting to know.

“Why are you so down on yourself?”


**************

“Why are you so down on yourself?” I heard her ask sweetly. Last time she asked I just shut the conversation down. But now she’s saying she wanted to know about the real me. Was this chick for real? “Hard not to be.”

“There’s different types of smarts. You write songs for the band. You’re creative smart. You probably have all this music knowledge I’d have no clue about and would have issues understanding.”

“Ehh, its not that hard. It’d be nice to get my high school degree though.”

A frown came from her. “You mean you’ve never gotten it?”

I moved the arm she was trying to lean on and let her relax against me as I fiddled with the tangle mess. She looked uncomfortable trying to brace herself like that and the tangle still tugging her down. As first she stiffened, feeling shy. Aw, she’s turning pink again. Shyness. That was so damn new to me. It was like this huge ocean breeze came in with her. It was that refreshing. I love the ocean by the way. Then, she soon relaxed.

“No, had the tutors, but then I stopped caring.” That one was part lie. It wasn’t me who stopped caring. It was my money grubbing parents. Kevin had been pissed I stopped with the schooling.

“But you care now, why not get it?”

“I don’t remember half the shi-stuff I learned.”

“I could help you.” She replied, simply, honestly. I stared up at Cally. How could this girl care so much? I went to reply but we heard the door open and both of us tried to move, and there stood Brian and Leighanne. When we both tried to look we rolled over by accident and I was on top of Cally now. Damn. Brian go away. Shit! No, good, I’m glad Brian is here to help us. Really. Brian, well Brian just thought this was way too damn funny as Leighanne got Baylee and went to put him to bed.

“Okay, its not that funny.” Cally said with a slight smirk. She felt more comfortable with Brian than me. Well…fuck.

“We’re stuuuuck” I said in my classic whine. One I only used to bug the fellas.

“Hahehehehe, only the two of you would get stuck.”

“Ducky Boy, can you help us get free?”

“Sure, but what happened?”

I gave a knowing grin to the Cally Baby, (my nickname for her now, she doesn’t know it yet) before smirking at my best friend. “Long story Rok, long story. Hey, you were the one who thought it’d be a good idea for us to baby-sit.” It was. Remind me to thank Brian later.

"Just Another Day"

Chapter Eight: Just friends, of course.

I love my best friend Isabel. I do. Mostly. Sometimes, when she knows me so well. Well then I want to choke her. Not hard, just enough to get the teasing to quit. She knew something was up. She kept up with trends far more than me too. Should I tell her? Would she believe me? She knew I wouldn't lie though. And I did have the scribble Nick gave me last night with his home phone if he forgot to charge his cell. Last night. Yeah, that would SO not leave my head. Can you blame me?

"Cally?"

"Callllllly?!"

I looked up from my couch. We were just chilling at my place. We were being lazy today. Hey now, I was up late last night, being stuck to Nick and all. He had ended up giving me a ride home by borrowing Brian's truck. Saying he didn't want me riding out at night. I didn't see the issue, since I've done it so many times before. But he's stubborn. So he took Brian's keys and took me home. My bike wouldn't have fit in his BMW. Yep, BMW. Jealous? Yes I am.

Then I saw her hand wave in front of my face. I laughed. "What what what!"

"Okay, something major is on your mind!"

"No...my life is boring remember?" I grabbed an orange and started peeling it. Nick made me promise to find time between school and work that worked with his schedule so we could hang again. Hehe. Wow. Too bad the man had a girlfriend. I'm being placed in that sister/friend role. Le sigh. Better than nothing though.

"SOMETHING is going on. Come on! Let me in on it here!" She pleaded, whacking me with a pillow playfully. I took a bite of my orange and considered this. I had to tell someone. Keeping it all inside was doomed to make me go insane. Well, maybe it was too late for that. So…insane-er.

"You wouldn't even believe me if I told you."

She gave me one of her flawless smiles. Yes I'm jealous of how pretty my friend is. She's not perfect skinny yet she's so cute and pretty. Unfairness at its best. She pushed her dark brown hair out of her face and bounced eagerly. "You won't know till you spill!"

I laughed. "Okay you Jewish Mexican jumping bean." I teased. Yeah, she's Jewish, and Mexican. Odd combo, but that was Iz for ya. "You can't tell a soul though."

" I swear on all things blue and skittles!" I grinned. Izzy and I loved skittles, and the color blue. So that was our way of swearing a promise on something.

"Okay...remember that one day I was on the phone with you and suddenly hung up. And I told you later I had crashed my bike?"

She nodded, not getting where this was going. "Well I met this guy. And he's pretty cool. Then I met his friend..." I'm leaving out who it really is for now. FAR less complicated. Besides, its not that I don't trust Iz, its that I'm scared of it getting out. And its still somehow not fully real to me. My expression must have changed when I mentioned Nick though, cause Izzy jumped on it immediately.

"Oh my gosh, you're totally diggin' the guy's friend aren't you?!"

"Well I..."

"You are! Does he like you back? Have you guys hung out a lot? Come on! Give me details!!" She exclaimed, jumping up from the couch. Her hair flying smoothly around her round angelic face.

"Whoa, whoa wow. Lemme tell you! Okay. We've talked on the phone a lot. And we hung out together the other night. I really like him." I heard “Before He Cheats” come on the radio, Isabel loves country. Don’t ask me why. I can’t stand 99.999999999% of the stuff. But her new love is that American Idol girl Carrie Underwood. I do have to admit her song is good. Even though I can’t relate to it even a bit. I’d need a relationship history to be able to.

Me? Music wise I’m odd. I love old rock, Aerosmith, Rolling Stones, Journey, Bryan Adams. Then the oldies like Beach Boys, Beatles, Supremes, you name it. Mix that with current rock like Nirvana (well somewhat current, I did grow up in the 90’s), Evanescence, funkier rock like Panic! At the Disco. Then mix in Christina Aguilera, my guilty pleasure Justin Timberlake, Kelly Clarkson, and you had my music loves. Oh, yeah and while I’m thinking of music, Iz is having a very girly moment.

She was actually squealing with excitement for me. "Ooh does he like you back? I bet he does."

"He has a girlfriend Iz." I replied with a sigh. She's been my friend for awhile now. She should know I never have luck in this department by now.

"Doesn't mean he doesn't like you!"

"It means I don't stand a chance. He's sweet, creative, deep, artistic, what would he see in a girl like me?"

"Calypso Lynn Rayne! Stop thinking that way! We need to think up ways for you to snag him!" She grinned at me, with a impish glint in her dark brown eyes.

"I'm not stealing a taken man. I don't stand a chance anyway."

"It's not stealing if he wants it too."

"How do you know if he wants it?"

She grinned, playing with my hair, which happened to be falling out of its scrunchie. My hair was thick, not nappy thick, but just there was a lot of that plain dark blond hair. I go through scrunchies like crazy, the wear out. She pulled out some hair ties from her own pocket, and started putting my hair in a French braid for something to do. “Now, how can he not?”

I raised a brow and glanced back at her. “You really want me to answer that?”

" He would. Besides girly, it doesn't hurt to try. And you never know what he may be thinking..."


************


Why can't I get my mind off of Calypso? Even as I was on the phone with Tracy, who was telling me she can come up tomorrow to see me again. Well that was fast. She sounded like it was a must to see me. Still haven't told her about Cally, nothing to tell remember. I wonder if she has a hunch. Not that there’s anything to have a hunch about. Like a lot of the women who’ve been in my life, Trace is easily jealous. So maybe her overactive spidey jealous sense is tingling. Women have an odd ass intuition about these things. Heh. Might be why she's coming up after leaving just a week ago. Its just that that girl wouldn't leave my mind and kept shoving Trace out. After we talked while we were stuck, she really caught hold of my attention. She cared. She cared and she was shy, and she was honest. I never see that in my Hollywood glamour world of glitz, fame, loneliness and lies. It was interesting, and a great change. But it came at the wrong time. Didn’t it? I had a girl already. One I had fun with, although a bit clingy with that apartment issue. Cally though actually wanted to help me with what I wanted. Without some ulterior motive. No I had no damn clue for sure that there wasn’t one. But I could tell. Those damn blue eyes of hers were too open and I would have seen in them if she had one. I wonder what Trace would say on some of the things we talked about.

“It’ll be so great to see you again…Hehe, we can christen that new Cadillac of yours you said you got. We didn’t get the chance last time.”

I smirked. A man has his needs don’t he? “Sounds fun. Burn off some calories.”

“Can’t wait. God I hate this job, just wait till I’m a successful actress. Oh let me tell you this whole thing my boss is in a fucking tizzy about. All cause of the thing with the mail-”

“Hey Trace?” I said, interrupting her. Selfish as it was, I could care less if her boss had some scandal with the mail boy a few floors down. What the fuck does she do for a living anyway? I couldn’t tell you if you asked me.

“Hmm?”

“What would you say if I told you I was going to try and get my high school diploma?”

A laugh. A snarky laugh. Snarky is a term I stole from Cally. She said she made it up to mean cynical. And there she is in my head again. Dammit I almost had a new record. Almost a whole fucking minute.

“I’d ask why would you want to.”

“What do you mean?” Well that wasn’t something I wanted to hear. Damn.

“I mean you’re famous, you have all this money and a music career, why would you want to have to work so hard at getting a diploma you don’t need? Seems like a waste of time.”

“You think I couldn’t do it?”

“Not that you couldn’t, but that it wouldn’t be easy and you don’t have to do it.” Great. No faith.

“So you’re saying it’d be hard for me.”

“You didn’t finish for a reason right? You don’t have to. You’re successful without the book smarts baby.” I was right, no faith. Fuck that.

“I gotta go babe.”

“I didn’t upset you did I?”

“Nah, just have to go down and lay some vocals down at the studio.” I’m a great liar.

“Alright, love ya.” Ain’t it too early to be saying that? Shit.

“Bye Trace.” I hung up. I was fucking annoyed. Couldn’t help it.

I hate that people think I’m stupid. It’s not just her. My mother thought so too. That’s what she said when she stopped the tutors. That I “wasn’t going to get it no matter how many tutors I had so why bother to pay for it.” Nice vote of fucking confidence right. Fans think I’m an idiot cause of comments I’ve made in interviews over the years. I didn’t mean to. It’s not that I’m stupid. Its that damn ADHD that made it so I couldn’t pay attention so I gave wrong answers or weird ass ones. It was Kevin who realized my attention span was far too short to be normal and helped me find out why. I just hate being thought of that way though. Oh its Nick Carter. A pretty boy. Great voice, and pretty to look at, but nothing in the head. Shit I see comments like that all the damn time. On message boards, our official site and board, fan sites, tabloids. (Yes I visit fan boards. I get bored on the bus during tours and entertain myself with my laptop dammit.) I shouldn’t care after being in this harsh biz for so damn long, but sometimes, I do.

Even my brother Aaron called me dumb. I worried about him. Where our mother was leading him in this cruel famous world my family was consumed with. But I couldn’t do a single thing about it. So I tried not to think about it. Cally, the first person outside the fellas to call me smart. I should call her. We can chill out at The Grove. I bet she hasn’t been there and it’d be cool to show her. And there’s this kick ass restaurant there who loves me and gets me good tables. Fuck being a good boyfriend. I’m calling her. But as a friend.

Of course.

But before I could my phone vibrated. I checked the id. AJ. Ehhh did I want to answer? My luck, I don’t and then Kevin calls wondering why I’m not at the meeting AJ was supposed to call about. I picked up.

“Nick’s house of pleasure…”

I heard him snicker. “Wouldn’t go that far.”

“What’s up.”

“I’m bored, and B told me the most fucking fascinating story. I miss something last night by not babysitting” He sneezed.

I had a silent groan. Brian was my best friend. He didn’t tell AJ. He wouldn’t. “Not really…”

“Shiiit, in my world being stuck with a girl on top of you is something.” A snicker. “Unless you’re starting to go the backdoor entrance with some more manly partners.”

“Man quit, it was nothing. I’m dating Trace remember.”

“Bout as serious as I’m dating Candy.”

“She ain’t my type man. Cally’s just a friend I made through Rok.” That much was true. I swear. She ain’t my type at all. Exact fucking opposite. Maybe that’s why she’s interesting.

“I have to meet this chick you and Rok’s told me ‘bout.”

I smirked. “Why so you can scare her away? She’s too young for ya Jay.”

“Sounds like some little blond is getting defensive… I think ya like her bro.”

“Who ya calling little...I’m taller. And she’s just a friend man, just a friend.” That was it. And it wouldn’t develop into more.

To be honest, if I liked her at all, I’d be protecting her by doing that.

Why? Fucking simple. She’s far too good for the likes of Nick Carter.

***********

And here’s one of those moments I wanna choke Izzy. Now I must hear all these tips on how to steal...I mean snag a man. Lordie. I love her but yeah. I sipped my apple juice calmly as I half listened to her, half listened to the music playing. I had changed the station and Usher was currently playing. Love his songs, I felt like dancing to it. How could you not wanna dance to “Yeah”. But I didn’t. I dance only when the house is empty. Way too embarrassing to let anyone see. And then the phone rang and I half danced to the phone. Iz laughed.

“hyper?”

“I haven’t had my caffeine fix yet.”

“Nah, you’re on a guy high.”

I stuck my tongue out at her before picking up a phone as I did my version of the Michael Jackson spin. Which by the way, isn’t all that spiffy.

“Hello!” I answered as I half bopped. Correction, most I ever do is half dance. And only in front of people I trust.

“Hey its Nick…” A pause, and then he snickered. “What’s that I’m hearing in the background about booty smacking?”

I laughed and grinned as I tried to hide in the kitchen. I love my Izzy, but Lordie I know its not a good idea for her to realize I’m talking to “the guy” as she puts it. “Shush, just music, what’s up?”

I could hear Isabel from what I thought was across the room. “Chica!? Is that who I think it is?”

I heard him laugh again. I love that laugh. “Who is that?”

“My friend Izzy, ignore her. So what’s up?”

“You busy?”

Err no. Didn’t I tell him about my lack of a life? “Not especially.” Then I again heard the line about “enough to make the booty go smack” and as I did, my butt got smacked, hard! Ow that hurt! I squealed.

“IZZZY! Why you smacking my booty?!” I pouted and gave her a look. She just laughed and bounced off to dance to “Sexyback” which happened to be the next song that came on. Ahh, I like Timberlake’s music.

“Okay, I’m missing out now.” I heard him say laughing, reminding me I was on the phone. “So you think I can come by, and we can go somewhere and chill?”

“Sure, two-ish cool?” Oh my god. Wow. This was almost like a date. And it was the almost that killed me. I said two-ish cause then I knew Iz had to work.

“Hell yeah. I’ll see ya then Cally Baby.” Click. And then the dial tone. Hehe. Wow.

Wait, did he just call me Cally Baby?

"Just Another Day"

Chapter Nine: Stuck between two girls and a hard paparazzi

So I prepared. A lot. Not a lot for the average girl, but for me, the not average, below, it was a lot. But I was wanting to be noticed by him. So I went and dug out a pair of black pants. My favorite, cause I purposely put yellow splatters of paint, they look so funky. I grabbed a yellow and orange tie-dye shirt that fit snug on top and loose everywhere else. Something I thought flattering but never really bothered to wear. I love tie dye. I’m a weirdo, le sigh, I can’t help it. Anywho, I knew it wasn't anything near a date. I knew. I just, wished it was and I guess something Izzy said got into my head. Darn that girl. I went through my sneakers. Well to be more accurate, my vans collection. I love that brand. I have so many sneakers its crazy. I love my sneaks. And my feet haven't grown much since I hit a size 9½ -10 so I've been able to keep em. I dug out a pair that matched my shirt, and got changed. My hair. Blah. I swear I should cut it. I like it long, but I hate the effort, if that makes sense.

I was still alone in the house, so I turned on my computer and put my Itunes on random. I must admit, I am a downloading music addict. The illegal downloading kind. Shame on me. That’s why I don't attach faces to the music. I'll download songs but of course don't have any of the album art and I'll be without a clue. At the moment I was jamming to an old song of Nsync's. "If I'm Not The One", yeah I know, cheesy. I grew up during the pop explosion; some loves in music don't completely die.

I sang along to it as I got ready. The house still empty, I felt free to sing. "I wanna call you up cause in the end...I keep writing letters to my garbage caaan...Laaately, feels like I'm going craazy...and baaaaby come and lay down beside me...If I'm not the one you want, then who's he?"

I danced my way to the mirror in the bathroom and brushed my hair out. It's so long. I liked it that way, but wasn't a fan of the color. It’s so odd how it’s not one shade of blonde but like four all mixed which makes it dark. Down? No no. I brushed some of it up and used a hair tie. Hmm, part up, part down? Guess that'll do... Gah! Why am I so concerned about this? Okay, Cally, get a grip. Y'all hung out fine when ya babysat. This is no different, right? My eyes traveled to the medicine cabinet. No way in hell was I touching the makeup. Not even for this. Makeup is evil. EVIL!

I'm not crazy, really. Sorry, I'm just not a fan of makeup; to me it just gives off false promotion. Why not just be yourself? Because people aren't it holds up this impossible standard that people like me can't match. It feels so fake. Damn makeup. It's my enemy.

My cell phone rang and I ran to the radio first. That would be my guilty pleasure which no one really needs to know about. I turned it off and answered the phone.

"Yo-yo?"

I heard him laughed and I grinned. He needs to bottle that laugh. Spread it around. I swear it'd end all world freaking wars. Promise. I swear on all things blue and skittles. Really.

"You ready to go? I heard some kind of music playing from your house, you jammin?" He joked with a snicker. I blushed and ran to my window. Oh snap I left it open, which is why he heard it. I closed it, grabbed my watch and put it on. I made sure I left a note saying I was out. Not that I think it'd be noticed. My parents love me and I love them... but I wonder if they think I'm too old for comfort. I'm not. I just wish they'd see it. I grabbed my wallet, tucked it in my back pocket (I don’t like purses.) and ran out the door, hopping into Nick’s sleek onyx (yes onyx it was that rad) BMW.

Life has gotten beyond weird for me. Seriously.


**************


Cally was in my car, and she looked good. That much is true. Not me liking her. Just, stating what’s real aight? This would be a good day. I went to the grove a day or two before, and I figured this time would be better. I go there all the time. She had her own sense of style and I liked how she doesn’t follow trends. I drove down sunset and turned on the radio casually. Linkin Park. Ah. I saw her hand reach over my arm. What’s she doing? Then the music changed and…wait. Was that fucking Christina Aguilera?!

“I could feel it from the start…couldn’t stand to be apart…” She sang along, nothing near Christina’s skill of course. But it wasn’t bad. Not screechy bad anyway. I drove as she bopped in her seat, unaware I was watching her. She’s cute. In…a sisterly way. “Somethin’ bout you caught my eye, something’ moved me deep inside…”

But…I couldn’t take the music anymore. So I changed it back. Ha! Yes! In The End, much better song.

“Hey!” She cried out. Then changed the radio back. “And I’ve been hooked ever siiiiince…”

Oh it’s ooooon now. This means war. “In the end…it doesn’t even matter…”

“You got soul, you got class, you got style…” She smirked at me, keeping her hand on the radio. “You’re bad ass.”

“I try so hard…and got so faaar…” She is not winning this.

Cally laughed and went through stations and next I heard was Nirvana playing. Is she…is she head banging a bit? She had put it on Smells Like Teen Spirit. I looked at her in surprise. “You like Nirvana?”

She smiled simply and sat back. “Uh huh, I like a lot of music.”

Every time I think I’ve figured this girl out, she shows me something else. Go figure. I drove to The Grove, with Nirvana filling our ears. After that song she switched it an oldies station that played Journey. I loved Journey. Girl after my own heart in some ways. Her music taste is good, but not perfect. But hell, no one is. Especially not me. Sooner or later, she’ll see it.

And then she’ll run, just like everyone else.

Because I chase everyone away.

Because I’m what I’ve always been told I am.

Not worth what I get, and will ruin those in my path.

I just want to shield Calypso from what’s to come. To do that I shouldn’t be hanging out with her. But I never listen to reason.

Not even my own.


*****************


We got out of the car and I looked around. Now I’ve lived in LA a long enough time to know about The Grove. Been there? No. I couldn’t believe I had been teasing Nick in the car. It’s just, not me. But it felt natural. Maybe Izzy got into my head. She’s probably gossiping with Teddy now about what she knows and they’re planning it all out for me again. I’m so doomed. We walked a bit and I noticed this humungo statue. (I have my own language, it means big) It was this bronze statue with these beautiful angels, one boy, one girl, intertwined and flying up, on top of this limestone looking column. It had to be at least 16 feet tall. I loved it immediately. My artist eye just took in how much work that had to be. Nick noticed my gaze I think cause he spoke up on it as he ran a hand through those tousled golden locks of his. He looked good in those long camouflage shorts of his and a wife beater. I swear someone up there loves teasing me. Blah.

“Knew you’d dig that. I heard it was a tribute to what he said was “the city of endless dreams“ from a sculptor called De L'Esprie, and he dubbed it "The Spirit of Los Angeles,". Kind of awesome right?”

“Beyond it.” It was then I felt a pair of eyes on me. I felt like I was being watched, but when I looked around people were going about their day with no notice of us. Unlike Brian, Nick didn’t take the precautions of a hat and sunglasses and laying low. Guess Nick knew he wouldn’t be noticed here. “So this is a mall?”

“A huge ass outdoor one, so c’mon, relax a little and go with it Cally.” He grinned and dragged me along. I grinned as I let him pull me. This would be fun.

“You’re not afraid of being noticed here?” Had to ask. I watched him shrug and give me that very lovely grin of his.

“Haven’t been yet Cally Baby.”

I giggled and walked with him. This was nice. Relaxing even. I can forget about school. My family’s wishes. My crummy job. “Okay, what’s with the Cally Baby thingajiggy name?”

He let go of my hand, paused and turned around. “You new nickname.” You’d think it was THE most obvious thing in the world from the way he said it. “Now c’mon we’re riding the trolly.”

I laughed hard. He HAD to be kidding me. “We’re riding a whaty whaty?”

“A trolly! You’ll see.” He held out his hand to me once more. “Just…trust me.”

I smiled. That seemed to far easier done than said. Come on Cally. Quit talking to yourself. Relax and be silly, have fun, like you would with Teddy and Izzy or Sebastian. You’ve earned it. What could ruin a day like this?

Bad question.


*********

I laughed as she gave me the oddest fucking look as I pulled her over to the trolly. It was on the edge of the grove but I wanted to have her ride it. It was a must. It was this green retro looking trolly. I could never con the fellas into riding it. Well, Brian did. AJ said hell no. Kevin and Howie gave me looks and said I was crazy. Maybe I am. We got on and rode around. Cally’s hair tie fell off. Well. That’s what I’m gonna tell her. Shhhh. I’m hiding it in my back pocket.

She looked back at me and just laughed. “Give me back the hair tie.”

“Don’t know whatcha talking bout.”

“Uh uh.” Then I heard a song come on. NO not that damn song. Not the one pop song I did with my brother as a favor back when he liked me…I groaned as she smirked at me.

“Is that you singing? I‘ve heard this before but I just realized it sounds like you.”

I nodded shamefully. “Love To Love” it was called. Me, the hard ass rocker for one solitary fucking time, had sunk down to doing a pop song. People had said I sounded good with my bro, that our voices blended well. But it just WAS NOT me at all. I couldn’t believe this trolly was playing it.

“I like it. Pretty vocals, it’s simple, sweet, and soft which is what makes it pretty.”

“It’s not that great.” I shook my head. She had to be lying right?

“Awww it just shows your soft side.” Then she had to sing along. “Love to love the way that you love me…you're such a part of me I feel, I can see that it's real to me… And whatever it might be, as long as you love me, I'll still be in love, love to love the love. Baby, there's one thing you should know, you had me when you said hello…” Hey she pulled of my parts half decent, for a non singer anyway. Lucky for me she stopped and shrugged as the trolly came to a stop. I hopped off, pulling her behind.

“Thanks for not singin’ anymore. That song ain’t my brightest moment. Something I did to help my brother out. He‘s more inta singing that pop crap.”

“You’re a softy, and the song shows it is all. No denying it for you. So what’s next?”

******************

He gave me a wicked grin. “Let’s go shopping.”

I couldn’t believe the stores in this area. I couldn’t afford lint in any of these places, I knew just from the named. He had to be kidding. I gave him a look. The look. The what the clucky are you thinking?! Look. He chuckled, after seeing it.

“What?”

“Why are we here, I’m a poor college girl.” He took me to the front of the store where the jewelry was. I raised a brow at him. I’m quite skilled at it actually, didn’t ya know?

He just got the lady to grab this really funky looking silver charm bracelet, and hand it to him after he charged it on a random credit card. My eyes probably popped out after eying his wallet. I’ve never seen so many cards in my life.

“Something for your girlfriend?”

His eyes danced around with an impish glint. Usually meant something was up. I catch on fast. Then I about froze when he moved to put it around my wrist. I raised a brow. “What are you doing?”

“Saw this the other day and thought of ya.” He smirked and proceeded to put it on again. I pulled my arm away.

“No way in hell I can accept something like this.” Damn that’s hard to say. The bracelet was so awesome. It had retro charms of like a disco ball, roller skates, and little diamonds were on the charms. BUT, that thing was worth a ton, I knew it. How could I take advantage of him like that? I couldn’t.

“You gotta so you don’t hurt my feelings.” He pouted. Ooooh boy. This was hard.

“I can’t. It’s too much. I have my pride ya know.”

He gave me his own look. Hmm. “Yeah well it ain’t got nothin’ to do with pride. It’s just a friendship gift. And you’ll hurt the bracelet’s feelings too.”

I grinned a little. “Bracelets don’t have feelings.”

“Do toooo. And you’ll ruin its goal. Cause really all any bracelet wants is to look pretty. And it would look pretty hanging from your wrist. You don’t want to destroy its dream do ya?” He put it on my wrist. “There, see, now it’s happy. You flatter it. Now c’mon, I gotta show ya something else before we grub.” He hurried out the store before I had a chance to deny him again. I looked at the bracelet and back at him as I gave a sigh.

I followed him out. We went to these amazing fountains. They were pretty in such a simplistic way. Clear water surrounded by grass and trees as the birds chipped happily. Then he grabbed me and put me in what I guessed was a specific spot. Then he stood behind me with the biggest Cheshire grin on his face, and I was content as my gaze went from between him and the gift he gave me.

I knew then I was in trouble. Wanting something that couldn’t be. Definitely trouble.

**************

I grinned as we stood by the fountains. Then as I knew it would, the music began to play and the fountains spurted up in this crazy synchronized formation to the music, spraying over where Cally was. She shrieked and I laughed. It’s fun teasing people like that. Reactions are so priceless. She swatted me and I just snickered. “Like them?”

“Except for the getting wet part.”

“Cally Baby, now why do ya think no one was standing here?”

“Oh, if I am Cally Baby you are SO getting a nickname.”

“Bring it.” Couldn’t be worse than the “Messy Marvin” one Bri gave me.

“Squishy.”

“Squishy!?”

Calypso now snickered herself, as her dark blond hair that was a freaking rainbow of gold blew in the wind that was picking up. I had to hear why I got this one. Squishy? Was she serious?

The younger one turned around towards me. “Yes.” Then of all things she quoted “Finding Nemo.” (Know that movie from watching it with Baylee) “I shall call you my Squishy and you shall be my Squishy!” She laughed. “So there” Then stuck her tongue out me…

I’m a bad boyfriend. Only now do I think of Trace and how I should be faithful. At least I thought of it. Damn. I like both girls. Fuck. Cally is just a friend anyway. No trouble. Then she shivered in the wind.

“And now I’m cold cause of the water.” I wrapped my arms around her soft huggable body from behind. Nice to wrap them around a girl not a skeleton. What? I was keeping her warm as we shifted away from the spray spot and watched the water dance to the music. Knew she’d like it. And I stood there, just keeping her warm. Till flashes blinded my eyes. FUCK. You have to be fucking kidding me! Not here! Not her! She doesn’t deserve this! She’s better than this. Too shy for this shit! My head raced and then went simple due to all the damn stress. Fucking mind.

The fucking paparazzi are the devil.

This shit would get out unless I can see if Kevin can pull some strings.

We were so fucked.

I had to protect Calypso.


**********


Flashes came from everywhere, bushes, trees, light poles, what the he-double-hockey-sticks was this? Then random people came out with microphones and cameras and video cameras and they kept on going! What, what was all this? Was this a joke? What the clucky was going on? I looked at Nick who looked pissed. Furious. I’ve never ever seen him that mad. Not that I’ve known him long enough to in actuality, but its felt like it. Then the questioned started from the random people.

“Hey Nick? Is that your mistress?”

“Did you dump your old girlfriend?”

“Are you cheating on Tracy?”

“Hey cookie! What’s you name?”

“Do you know Nick has another woman?”

“Give us a kiss!”

Nick growled, grabbing my hand and pushing past them. “No to all. Leave us the hell alone. There’s a war in Iraq and it’d be over if you obsessed on that instead of me!” Then we raced out to his car. The people actually following us! I couldn’t believe it. It was all surreal. It had been such a nice day too. And my stomach growled like hell. Well, I could stand to lose the weight anyway. Desperately. Once in the BMW, we sped off. With the people close behind us. Leaning out and taking pictures as others drove. My Lordie! Nick sped off at a frightening speed, taking random roads and last minute turns to try and shake the crazy people off. Almost like one of those racing movies. My hands were gripping what I called the “oh shit” handle that’s on the roof of the car by the passenger window. With every turn my mind screamed we were going to crash. Then, finally, relief came as he slowed down, with no cars behind us. Oh. My. Goodness.

“What was that?” I asked, pretty sure I sounded how I felt, once Nick finally lost them in a crazy maze of turns and twists on the roads.

He took a deep breath. “The paparazzi. Don’t worry, Kevin will make sure nothing leaks out.” I wondered if he was right or telling me this so I wouldn’t panic. I already was. I hated photos. I look horrific in them. Oh my god. The possibilities they could do. My heart was ready to leap out of my body. It was already up in my throat. I didn’t tell him. Maybe all this with him is the worst idea I’ve had, that was…that was all just scary.

It was then I understood why he got sick of being famous.

“Just Another Day”

Chapter 10: The Aftermath

I didn’t call Nick. Left him alone. I did my work at Arby’s. Went to school like a normal girl. Dealt with my simple life and my family. Back to basics right? That whole thing scared the bezels out of me, and I didn’t like that feeling. Never gave thought to him at all for a week after that. I wanted to just go back. That day scared me into knowing I could never fit into his world. I didn’t belong. So why go through the scares and pain if I’m getting signs that I’m not strong enough to make it there? No reason. So I made myself stop. I did. Confession time.

I never took the charm bracelet off. When people asked I said the jewels were fake of course. I thought about that day. Before the crazy paparazzi people. Nick called but I played it off with short answers like I was busy. And I’m sure I heard my own heart crack. I was so miserable. My life was going to how it was pre-meeting Brian. Wallflower. Ignored. I did have a life before it all. I was sitting at home, watching Matrix before work. Then my phone rang and I lunged. I admit it. My poor turquoise bed sheet got thrown off the bed in my hastiness. It wasn’t Nick however. But it was someone just as good. Maybe…gasp…even better.

“Heeey crazy one”

“Sebastian! Hey! Glad you got a phone again.”

“My fave girl, what’s happening out there in the City of dark Angels?”

I laughed and went and chilled on my worn yellow beanbag chair. I missed him. See my friends were all dynamically different, but in ways I needed. Iz was my gal talk chica. Teddy was the one for advice. Sebastian…he just made me feel so at ease. I missed him terribly since he went to NYU. Nick ...reminded me of him now that I think about it. Both had the same effect, maybe I didn’t have a thing for Nick, maybe I just missed Sebastian, and was trying to replace him with Nick. That makes sense…

So see, I did the right thing by breaking away. Cause now I know why I had let myself into the craziness the way I did. See, there. All better.

“Same, at school for psychology.”

Then came a worried tone. “Wait, psych? What happened to the art?”

“My fam and I agreed that Psychology is the better route for me and-”

“You mean they told you to and you did without a protest. I love your parents but you need to tell them what you want.”

“Its fine devi really.” (Nickname, short for blue devil…don’t ask.)

“Lypsi you know who you’re talking to?”

“I mean it, its all fine. So, tell me, what’s life like in New York, am I ever going to see ya?”

“Crazier than LA if you can dig it. People are insane here, most wearing a lot of black. Maybe vampires started here.“ He joked as was his easy going nature. “Not sure yet when I make it out there.“ Sigh. I could use his company. I put my phone on speaker as I began to paint, turning on the radio for once as well. Yes radio, not cds. What a shocker.

“You okay?”

“Peachy keen jelly bean.”

“You seem down?” Down? Not down. Nope, I am happy. My life is peaceful again. I like it like that. I looked at what my painting was turning out to be. Ouch. A dark abandoned beach with the waves crashing against the rocks as it was pouring. And I had been starting to paint lightening. Well, that said nothing.

“I’m all good. Like I told ya dude.”

“I want to come back soon. You’re my lil sis, so go outside, and remember we’re at least under the same sky.”

“....” My Sebastian is an odd one. You notice a trend? I find only weirdos who like me.

“You’re not doing it are ya! Just trust me and go outside.”

I sighed, put my paintbrush in my little can of water and walked outside. Don’t know why I’m doing this. I feel stupid walking out in my paint clothes in the middle of the day on my driveway to look up at a smog damaged sky as I hear birds chirping happily. Blah. It was then I spotted the navy blue Volkswagen van I knew so well. The one with baby blue splatters of paint to contrast it. I know because we painted it together when he first got the wannabe hippie van. He climbed out and there stood Sebastian. I squealed and ran towards him. Nick completely gone from my mind finally. His spiky light brown hair, those clear greenish blue eyes I knew far too well. A smirk showing me he was always up to something. He hadn’t changed. Good, a little scruffier with a slight goatee, but good. Whoa. Wow. He resembled Nick (minus the goatee thing) now that I’m looking at him. Dang. Never noticed that. I hugged him tight as he hugged me back. This felt good. Right. My heart thud-da-dunked against my chest wildly as my mind was overwhelmed. Oh yeah. I was going to be fine.

I can’t believe he’s here. Holy Moley. “I can’t believe you’re here!” I tend to say what I think with Devi. I pulled away and just kept taking him in.

“Thought I’d surprise you.” he snickered. “I called ahead and warned your folks.”

“Evil!”

“I am SO evil! That’s why I’m the blue devil. No one shall steal my title!” He exclaimed with energy, striking what he considered to be a manly victory pose. Psh.

“You staying in a hotel?”

“Hell nah. Your mom insisted I stay in your spare room.” he grinned at me. Yay! See now this is what I’ve been missing. In case you’re wondering why Sebastian wouldn’t stay with his folks, let me explain. He’s the product of foster homes, some of them really bad. They let anyone put a kid in their home anymore. His real parents died when he was really young. He’s told me he doesn’t even remember them. We met in high school, (I was only 13) and stuck together since. My parents adore him and consider him family. As do I.

“Ooh, get your big ghetto booty in here then dude!” I dragged him into the house. I couldn’t believe he was there. Just like that, my content feelings came to me again. That easily.


*********


My body laid against Trace as she slept in the hotel bed. Nothing between us , just the sensual-ness of skin against the silky smooth skin of my girl. To quote my ex: “That’s hot”. Now this is what my life was. Hot sex all damn day with a gorgeous girl. Her dark red hair fanned the pillow almost like a soft flame. She had come into town the other day and has been staying at one of the best hotels in town. On me of course. I was the one who insisted she get a hotel cause she deserved it. Eh, maybe a little guilt had seeped in. And I ain’t ready for her to stay at my place yet. Heh.

It wasn’t like Cally would ever talk to my ass again anyway. The paparazzi freaked her too bad. I knew it when it happened. Yet I tried to reach her anyway. Like a damn chump. Always happens like that. Why did I think she’d be different? Oh right. I didn’t. So why the fuck am I disappointed?

My cell vibrated on the drawer next to my side of the bed. I stood up buck naked. I like to free ball it, and headed to the bathroom to answer it. It was Brian anyhow.

“Rok.”

“Frackolas.”

I laughed. “You ever gonna let that nickname die.”

“Nope. Oh and Kevin said be at the studio today at noon.“

That today? Shit I had forgotten. “Thanks.”

“Knew you’d forget and as funny as it is to see you in trouble, I don’t want to listen to my cousin lecture yell. So how are you? Have you heard from Calypso? I know you were concerned about that before…”

I was? No, I wasn’t. “Eh, putting me off. Whatever. She left just like a lot of people do. Part of fame.” I sat on the toilet and rested against the back of it. Taking in my over priced surroundings. Why did I pay for this shit again? Oh yeah, for my girl.

“You really think she left cause she was using you?”

“I did give her this charm bracelet that day” Come to think of that shit, I did. “Hella expensive.”

“How’d she accept it?”

“Refused at first…”

“Now tell me why your ex-girlfriends and former friends are gone or left.” Oh come the fuck on. Brian don’t start making sense now. I wanted to rationalize this shit my way.

“London cause she hated I was startin to be gettin’ more famous than her, shallow heartless bitch…Willa cause she wanted fame and I “scared” her for wanting more since we had been dating for 3 years…Tiffy cause I didn’t buy her enough shit…Tony cause he was using fans to get sex by claiming they could meet me…”

“And Cally ran because fame scared her along with expensive gifts?”

I blinked, surprised. Fuck. He had a point. Damn that Brian. Gets me every damn time. “Yeah...guess so...”

“Nick, not telling you how to live your life, but here is a free piece of advice. Keep this friend, she’s rare. I’ll see you at the studio.” And then he hung up. Damn that holy man. I relieved myself before making my bare ass back to the bed. Tracy stirred as I climbed in, watching me with these jade eyes of hers. She grinned and wrapped her arms around me, nuzzling my neck. Now this is nice. I don’t need to think about what Brian said just yet.

“Hey baby…where were you?”

I smirked as I felt her tongue explore my neck. Oh yeah. She knew what she was doing. And that’s the way I like it. “Nice…good morning to me…and I had gone to the bathroom, Brian called.” She just snuggled against me then, covering us up with the silky smooth bed sheets, relaxing as I did the same. This is my life. I turned on the hotel TV. “I have to go to the studio later on, did you wanna stop by?”

She pouted that sexy lower lip of hers at me and sulked as she took the remote and flipped through channels. “Do you have to go?”

I nodded. “Yeah, did you wanna come and watch?”

“Its okay, I can call some friends out here up.” She smiled a little. “Maybe go shopping.”

I could see in her eyes that she didn’t. That she was bored by it. Call my ass picky, but it’d be nice for my girlfriends to actually be interested in what I do that makes the money that buys their diamonds, pearls, and party dresses that turn them on so much. I bet Calypso would be interested. Had she not just abandoned the friendship we had going. I changed the channel again, as Tracy started to get up and get changed. Damn. Guess the fact I had to work made her sulky. I paused when I got to E! Fuck was that me on the TV screen? Great. What’s the rumor this time. Oh shit. That was The Grove. Please let it be of me the day I went before taking Cally. Don’t let my luck be THAT bad. Come on now! God prove you fucking exist by saving my big ass!

“And in the latest celebrity news, Nick Carter…of Flames of Ice…caught on what looks to be a date with an unknown girl who the paparazzi claim goes by the name Calypso. Is he cheating on current girlfriend video girl Tracy Santello? Seems like he’s going from pretty and petite to too much meat. More on this and videos from the paparazzi after the break…”

It was then I caught the cold emerald stare stabbing into me. The fury in them was fucking intense. Shit. Tracy. Yet, my thoughts were on Cally. That was fucking harsh and she didn’t deserve that. No one did, but especially not a girl like her.

I was in seriously deep shit.

"Just Another Day"

Chapter 11: You Can Call Me Selfish

I had been channel surfing on the couch with Sebastian. I was relaxed. Leaning against him. He always did make a good pillow. And I grinned up at him as I tried to find us a good show or movie to watch. Honestly I was hoping to catch Blade on TV. We could go rent it but that would mean getting up and going out. Neither of us wanted that. So we channel surfed. Okay I channel surfed. I'm a remote hog. Yep. One of my MANY flaws. And that’s one of the smaller ones. Then I froze as I went past the celebrity channel and heard my name. Then I saw Nick. Then Me. And then my world, what little I had, collapsed. There I was, with Nick. On my parents' forty inch TV screen, in all my frumpy plumpy glory. Oh. My...EVER FREAKING LORDIE!

My life is not normal. It’s gone beyond normal. Far into the abnormality I wanted to run from. I think I'm going to hurl. I stood, very ready too till I felt two strong arms wrap around me. I looked back, my gaze hazy as I felt my face get slightly damp. My mind is chaos. Me. On TV. With Nick. Getting mocked. I am who I thought I was. I just… now everyone in the world would know it. I pulled away. I wanted to hurl. I needed to hurl. Hell it might help my frumpy big butt lose some weight.

"Lypsi...Lypsi...Calypso!"

I stared up at Sebastian who was holding me up. The vision gets blurrier with each second. Great. I hate crying. Hate it. And it just kept on coming. I turned away from Sebastian then, who just hugged me close, and asked softly.

"Something you forgot to tell me?"

Understatement of the year I suppose.

We sat on the soft couch and as I let him hold me against him, his hand rubbing my back in soothing circles as I narrowly avoided a panic attack, I began to tell him what I had kept as my own secret. It spilled easy, since although odd, was hard to keep to myself to begin with. How I had met Brian, Nick's random first call. Babysitting. I sighed and turned away, Sebastian never did like when I hid stuff from him. He didn't have a phone during all this, but he knows me well enough to know I wouldn't have told him even if I did. Well now the world knew, and of course it was after I cut ties from that scary world Nick lived in. I couldn't handle it. It exploded on me. Figures. Sebastian stared at me with those damn ever-changing emerald to ocean eyes of his. "I'm glad you broke ties with him. You're too good for that world."

"I feel bad, Nick was fun, and I just can't handle what comes with him."

"It’s for the best, you said he had a girlfriend, she likely saw this too. What you did helps ya both. And I'll help ya deal, I'm here in town for awhile, and I'll be..." he grinned, flexing his not so muscular arms. He's not built, but not weak or flabby either. He's a nice in between kind of looking if you know what I mean. “Your mighty bodyguard!"

I laughed softly, rubbing my still wet eyes, hugging him tight. If nothing else, I'm lucky to have him amongst all this chaos. With him, I know I can deal. Really.

***********

I'm pretty sure I'm a dead man. Wait. Scratch that. I know I'm a dead man. What was I thinking? I saw myself at the Grove; they fucking ZOOMED into the part where I had my arms around Cally when she was cold from the water. Damn tabloid shows. That’s all it is. Out to make me look bad. Comes with the territory but there are times I hate that shit more than anything. Especially when they go for the kill with someone who didn't sign up for it like I did. God damn them. And I have that recording session today. Fuck. Jade Eyes. If they could kill, I'd be a Nick pile of ash. I mean it. Her arms were crossed over her chest as the TV went on and on about how I may be cheating on Tracy with the odd choice of the girl who is claimed by the paparazzi to be named Calypso. How the hell did they find out her name? God dammit. My thoughts go back to Trace. They had to. Her fiery red hair was matching her face color almost. She looked kind of sexy when she was pissed actually but this ain't the time. I know, she was waiting for me to explain. And I had a good one. I did. I could tell her the truth, because the truth is nothing happened. I changed the channel off of E! to something else finally. Then I just watched my furious girlfriend. Might be ex-girlfriend too if I'm as unlucky and cursed as I think I am. Stay tuned.

"Trace babe..."

"What the fuck was that shit Nick? My god, you're cheating on ME?! With THAT?! I know I'm better than...than…” she motioned towards the screen that was replaying it on MTV's news clip. Great. "THAT. God Nick...I thought better of you! Maybe everyone was right about you being worthless!" her voice was shrill and a bit of a blur, cause I only had one thought. I hated how she made it seem like a nice girl like Calypso was nothing but scum.

I stood then, still naked if you remember. "Nothing happened! She's a friend I met through Brian. She had been cold. So I hugged her. That is IT. Then the paps fucking chased us like we were trapped in a game of Grand Theft Auto! She was a friend, that’s it."

"Doesn't look like you're only friends. I could see that fat bitch all over you." I only stared at her.

"Don't call her that! She's not that! She's just a friend! You don't even fucking know her!"

“Don’t fucking yell at me!”

I felt her palm make contact with my face with a sickening smack. I stumbled back, that having caught me by complete surprise. I don't hit women, so my hand only went to my face as I again stared at her. Her face was matching her hair exactly now, and it wasn't sexy anymore. I couldn't fucking believe she just smacked me. "I'm your fucking girlfriend Nick! You should be defending me! Not some random overweight whore that is being talked about all over the damn TV! You should be trying to make it up to me! Not telling me what to say!"

"You should trust me then Tracy! God damn! You saw me hug her, and nothing else! You should know how those damn stalkers are! They're worse than some of my fucking psychotic fans! Just...take a moment and actually think!"

“I’m the one you should be concerned about!”

“Nothing happened! You’re the one I’m with dammit!”

“Fucking bastard!”

“Shallow bitch.”

She stood there, staring me down as I took a minute to breathe. She needed it as well. Then Tracy did something that shocked the hell out of me, more than that damn slap. She grabbed my ass, pulled me to her and I felt myself being pulled into a kiss that could make any human male see fire-freaking-works. My arms wrapped around her. She pulled away and just gazed up with me with this naughty little smirk. Can't say I didn't enjoy it. My life and my personal life are the same. Twisted beyond my own damn recognition. It’s what I know. "I thought about it. You thinking about anything?" She sounded so cocky, and I can't blame her after what she just did. Damn.

"Its you I'm with babe, only you. You are the only thing on my mind right now..." My arms pulled her up against my own still naked body once more. I knew she could feel me grow against her as I nuzzled her neck just enough to give her chills. This is what I'm supposed to be with. I lightly tossed her on the bed again. Yet as I was crawling on it after her with the task of undressing my girlfriend once more, part of my mind wondered how my former friend was doing, and I couldn't understand why.

***********

“Cause you’re a Rock star Ba-” I backed away from the mike in the studio booth. This just was not flowing. Damn. Flames of Ice recording session. Kevin was going to murder me if I don’t nail this. “Let’s go over that again guys, what I just did was shit.”

“You okay in there Nick?” I could hear Kevin say over the speaker. Hope Brian didn’t tell him anything. Brian tends to talk too much. Damn religious man.

“Yeah Train I’m five by five.” I’ve been watching too much TV on tour busses. I got it from some vampire show. I listen for the music to filter through the headphones I wore to help me stay in tune. “Cause you’re a Rock star Baby …a rock star baby yeah” Then I couldn’t concentrate as I sang the next part. “I like the girls who wanna get it home…who wanna be at every party till the break of dawn…they gotta trip to Nirvana and to P.O.D…” and then my voice cracked. I wasn’t drunk. Wasn’t hung over. I was here mentally, supposedly, and my voice just didn’t want to work. Same with what’s left of my damn mind. I couldn’t focus enough to get myself to do what I wanted to do vocally. Dammit. Word of the day. It ain’t my ADHD either; I took my meds today thank you very much. So screw it, I was fed up. I stepped out the booth and watched the guys at the sound board. “This ain’t workin.”

Brian watched me with a raised brow but stayed quiet. Good. AJ didn’t. Typical. “Is it the song? You wrote it man.”

“It ain’t the song.”

“Girl issues?”

Howie was lounging in a chair as he glanced over at me with concern. ”Family issues?”

“No.”

“Heh.” Oh its Kevin again, here it comes. “Partying again?”

“No I just ain’t up to this today dog. So let’s blow this off and try again tomorrow.”

Kevin glared at me. Jade eyes staring me down again. These ones sure as hell ain’t sexy. I know he cares but sometimes it’s just too pushy when I want to run my own life. “We paid for the studio time Nick.”

“Are you sure you’re alright Frackolas?” I nodded, always count on Brian to be concerned.

Howie just stays quiet, waiting to intervene if necessary. That’s our Howie, Stealth D I tell you. AJ perks up at the idea, which I counted on. “I’m all for a day off.”

“We paid for it, we’ll use it. Not just walk out cause someone doesn‘t feel like it.”

“Watch me Kev.” I already had one battle today. Don’t need another.

“Its called being responsible.”

I shrugged. Like I gave a damn. “I’ll pay for it then. Problem solved. I’m out of here.” And I walked out the back door. This day was confusing as hell and I am in no mood to deal with it. Someone get me some vodka. Jay won’t be with me so it’s all good. I headed down the street after I got the hat out of my back pocket and tucked on my head hoping to conceal my face a bit. The sunglasses came on too. Stole em from Brian. After today’s celebrity bullshit news, I know if I’m found I’m hounded. Damn paparazzi stalkers. I heard Brian step behind me, and not for the sunglasses I borrowed from him without asking.

“Frickan leave me alone man, I just wasn’t on a musical zone. Now I’m hella hungry.”

“So let’s go eat, and see if Jay wants to come.” I heard him chuckle lightly. Brian has this weird ‘Hahehehehe’ kind of laugh. No lie. Listen to him one time if you ever get the chance. “He’s thrilled you got him a day off.”

“Time alone man.”

He kept walking beside me, both of us trying to lay low as we did. “We know that’s not the best thing. Where’s Tracy?”

“Out shopping.”

“Have you talked to Calypso since you saw the TV today? I saw it and…”

“No I haven’t.”

“Maybe you should.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t. Its already causing fights between me and Trace.”

“But the poor girl never had anything like this to deal with before.”

“I feel shitty about it but-”

“You’re going to forget her.”

“She forgot me first.”

“Thought we discussed that.”

“Cally hasn’t called me either today man.”

“Maybe because she’s upset about today.”

“You’d think she’d call to at least blame me and tell me how I fucked up her life. Which I did.”

“You really believe that.”

“Why do you care so much?”

“Cause you’ve been my friend since you were a scrawny thirteen-year-old. Cally because she’s my friend, although new, that’s what friends are for. “

“I can handle my own life Bri. Sure she can handle hers.”

“You’re used to this, she isn’t.”

“I’m sure she’s fine.”

“You hope so anyway.”

“Alright, I hope so. I’m selfish okay?”

“I’ll lay off the subject but-” We both stopped as we reached our cars. I love my BMW, selfish and snobby as it is. I worked my ass off to be famous and rich, this is a benefit. Lord knows I paid a high price and I don’t mean money. He watched me, standing tall even though he’s barely 5’7”. The frustrating blond and short religious man. Now its blue eyes staring me down. Nice change from the green. “Consider my advice and check on her.”

“Why not you?”

“I don’t think she wants to hear from me first. So think about it.”

“I’m just a selfish bastard aight Bri. I ain’t calling a girl who wants to forget me.” I unlocked my door and started getting into my hot ass car. “So forget it.”

*********

Sometimes, life throws things at you. And sometimes those things are so not what you wanted. But maybe those things help you get to something better? I’m wording this all wrong. But that night I was curled up on the couch, with my best friend at my side, his arms around me, and I felt better. My world was falling down around me, yet I had my sanctuary. My parents, thankfully, have not watched TV yet today. I turn nineteen soon, but I so don’t need to deal with them. They’ll probably see it tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I can deal? Who knows.

“Is this all we’re going to watch?” he smirked with only his jade azure eyes. Yes it’s possible.

I pouted. “I’ve had a rough day, Angel and Buffy watching makes it better. And FX is having a marathon.”

“The things I do for you.”

“Tee hee.”

For now, I’ll just stick to watching Angel reruns. I could see Angel and Faith on the screen as I snuggled up to the pillow placed on Sebastian’s chest, just listening to the words.

“I’m not perfect Faith. Even with a soul, I’ve done things I’ve wished a thousand times I could take back.” Angel said that in case you’re wondering. I heard the phone ring on the table, but I didn’t want to answer. Didn’t want the questions. Didn’t want anyone knowing my Devi was back just yet. Maybe it was selfish. Okay so it was. Sometimes, selfish can be a good thing.

“Just Another Day”

Chapter 12: Crash and Burn

I heard the ring, ring, and another ring as I held the phone to my ear and waited for an answer. Okay so what Brian said got to me. Damn that holy man. I felt bad, especially since the “news” lasted more than one day. Try three. Day four they finally let it go. Though watch VH1 put it on their lame “Best Week Ever” show. Tomorrow’s Friday, so I guess we’ll see. I just want everyone to leave it the fuck alone. Drinking my mind out and screwing my girl all the time won’t let the guilt fade away. Tried it. Not working. Fun to do, but not working.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

No answer. Damn. What could she be doing? Does she hate me that much? Not that I blame her. Easily hate-able. Its like I told you, everyone leaves after awhile. She should be no different. Yet and it felt different. Well screw her. Where’s Tracy, I wanted to have some fun. Oh damn, that’s right she’s at a girlfriends. Fine then, I’m sure Bean’s bored. I’m up for a visit at the Hyde, nothing like drinking and clubbing to forget guilt. Drinking and sex haven’t done it, but maybe drinking and clubbing will. Can’t hurt any. So the next number I dial is Bean’s. Brian is with his family anyway, can’t take Jay drinking, Howie would tell Kevin, and Kevin is Kevin and I don’t want to die.

“Nick”

“Bean”

“Asshole”

“Bum”

“Faggot”

“Bastard”

“Rich spoiled backdoor boy”

“I’m bored.”

“My kind of bored?”

“Yeah.”

“Lets fucking party then, on you. Meet you at Hyde.”

Click. Then dial tone. I know he’s a glommer, but hey you get what you can right? He’s still a friend. And I could use the company. There's a lot I wonder about my screwed up life, but there are some things I know for certain. My life ain't gonna change, so why try. May as well party hard, spend my money I shed sweat of blood to get it, and live life up. Die young, be remembered as a failure, this was my destiny and I knew it. Nothing has shown me proof against it. Heh, and I doubt anything ever well.

So I may as well live up to my destined rock star failure, right?

********

Sometimes, (yes I start a lot of things with that word, get used to it) you get this feeling. A nagging feeling that something is up. Or about to happen. And sometimes, sometimes they center on a person you know. Last time this happened, nothing came of it, just an odd call with Nick that turned out fine as far as I knew. This time, I just had a feeling. It kept nagging at me. Devi was out with Iz, I had actually told him to go, once she called us up to do something. Me, I wasn't up to seeing anyone yet, even if it has been a few days. I even quit my job. Which my parents were pissed about. I need to find another job, but I hated Arby's and I couldn't take the stares I got as I worked when people were reading those magazines and saw my face right after seeing those pictures. I couldn't take it. My parents were bad enough...

"What is this we're seeing you all over the news!?"

"Nothing."

"That's you on there with some celebrity! That's not nothing."

"I'm an adult, we just hung out."

"He's only out to use you. What else would he be with you for? Why can't you just be like your sister and stay out of trouble..."

I shook the voices from the memory away from my head. It hadn't gone well. That was the calm part of the conversation. Now they were gone for a week, my dad is a foreman in a construction company and they asked him to oversee some job in Las Vegas and my mom went with him, since they knew Sebastian was here with me. Sebastian. So far all I had been told was it was good I got myself out when I did. How guys like that, in that world, are only out to use girls like me. That I'd have been hurt. That I wasn't meant to see people like him. My parents, Sebastian, my sister had called too about it, giving me a lecture about how I need common sense and how could I do something stupid like date someone like him. I hadn't dated Nick, but that's not the point. It seemed no one had faith in my own choices. I don't regret being Nick's friend. In fact, I'll be honest, I actually regret cutting it off. My face is on tabloid magazines, on gossip shows, but he didn't deserve my shutting him out. The paparazzi, just...scared me enough to where although I regret it, I was too scared to try fixing it.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

The phone. I let it go on the recorder. Last time it had rung was a few hours ago, and that’s when my nagging feeling started. It refused to leave too. That’s why I decided maybe a night alone painting would be good. No questions, no one bothering me. Then the voice I heard on the answering machine made me jump to answer.

"Cally...Cally, its Teddy."

I jumped for the phone in an instant. Yes I'm avoiding people, but this is Teddy. Him and Sebastian were always "my boys". "Teddy!"

"Cally, I saw the craziest thing."

"Hmm." Oh no.

"Go to livedaily, the Flames Of Ice board."

I raise a brow as I head to my ancient outdated computer and signed on to the internet, with my very annoying dial up connection. We have a phone line just for it. We could never just get DSL, oh no. I push my hair away from my face idly. "I didn't know they had a board over at LD..." I muse to myself.

"When they got huge with their last album, they replaced the old and dead Avril one with it."

I clicked on a thread titled "Nick's new girlfriend?" with a sigh. This was about me. On it were pictures, so many pictures of that day at The Grove. I couldn't help but smile a bit at the pictures. That had been a fun day before the paparazzi psychos showed up. I guess I had been right that day when I felt like we were being watched, there were pictures of us through the entire day. I smiled at how content I looked. It had been fun.

Then I saw the comments.

TampaBayLondonFan: Ewww Nick is such a whore. I can't believe him. I knew London was too good for him. The girl is pretty fug. I thought he was dating Tracy?

FOIFan4ever: Its probably just a rumor. Nick's with Tracy. He'd never cheat. ^^ Why are you even a fan, you’re always so negative.

TampaBayLondonFan: I like his voice, he's the only talented one I think. I hope he goes solo.

Ivy05: I think she looks nice. He should be with who he wants to be, and we don’t have a say in that. As long she doesn’t hurt him like London did.

Nickoholic: Nicks too good for her. she's huge and ugly.

HateMeUCantBreakMe: So Nick's sleeping around again. Heh. And Nick ain’t no saint either Ivy.

Ivy05: Never said he was, but London crossed the line with him.

NicksSexiMami: I think she's cute

TampaBayLondonFan: She's nothing special and Nick is just being a man whore.

FOIluver: She's alright, better than London.

TampaBayLondonFan: London Miffton was way too good for him.

I scrolled down, more pictures, only in high quality now. Great, so people can see up close how unappealing I am. God I could see the pooches of fat all over. Why had I worn that shirt? Why did I think I looked okay? God next to Nick, I looked huge, plain, and ugly. I closed the window, Teddy's voice finally getting my attention again. I shifted the phone, putting it on speaker as I checked my email, since I was on the computer anyway.

“Girl looks a lot like you Cal.”

“Yeah well Teddy, it um, well it is.”

“No shit!? You have to be kidding dear!” Yes Teddy says dear, he’s odd.

“No, damn spies even got my name. But its not a big deal Teddy, really, I mean...Nick and I just hung out a time or two and now we don’t.”

“Why not?” He asked curiously, I couldn’t blame him. The whole thing was still strange to me, let alone everyone else who has a TV or goes to a store. I flopped on my bed, sick of the internet already for today. You don’t want to know what I found in my email.

“Long story.”

“You okay?”

“Peachy keen jelly bean. I gotta get going, Devi’s in town and we’re gonna go out with Izzy.” A lie. I suck at lying, but my other best friend seemed to buy it.

“Tell him I say hi, I’ll talk to you later Cal.”

“Later Teddy Bear.” I reach over and push the button with a sigh. I felt so antsy. So I got up, got dressed, grabbed Sebastian’s keys since Iz had picked him up, left a note for him saying I went out and borrowed his car, and walked out the door. Yes I have my license. Just, not a car. I knew he wouldn’t mind anyway. That feeling I’ve been having magnified as I started up the car, and drove off in the brightly painted Volkswagen van. So I did what instinct told me to. I went out. Can’t help it.

*******

It happened in a blur. Seriously. I got drunk off my ass. I’m pretty sure I just cheated on my girlfriend accidentally. Fuck. Hope they ain’t fans who’ll blab on LiveDaily tomorrow. Bean got into a fight and he got kicked out. Me, being a good friend, followed him. More like stumbled. I ain’t too bright when drunk. You know why that is? I gave him the keys to my BMW. Then I said lets go. So he drove us. We were laughing, I still had a beer in my hand, as we blared System Of A Down on the radio. Then, I sobered up, and it wasn’t in the way either of us expected.

Screeching tires.

Car swerving.

Blinding lights.

A loud deafening crash.

Glass shattering, metal twisting.

We ended up crashing into another car on the highway. I looked over, ignoring any pain in my leg. I was okay. A few cuts here and there but nothing deadly. The impact came on Bean’s side of the car mostly. I shook him pretty hard, having no damn clue if I should or not.

“Bean! Rob! God fucking dammit. Say something for me!”

Don’t say anything. He’s not dead, I checked. I dialed 911, told them where we were. Oh god, were the others okay? In the other car? Painfully I forced my way out of the car, and nodded when I saw they were alright. We got most of the impact. I sighed, pacing as the ambulance arrived and did what they were supposed to. My mind raced. Easy way to sober up but I don’t recommend it. I looked at one of the medics.

“Will he be alright?” I asked softly. Yes Bean is a glommer. I know it. But I still can’t not care if someone will be okay after something like that. Even if he caused it. I was the idiot who gave him the keys.

“He seems to be stable. Now let us do our work.” He sounded annoyed. Didn’t blame him. I knew how all this looked. I wouldn’t let the medics near my ass either. I was fine. I hate doctors. Of any kind.

I watched it all go down, detached, like all this shit in my life was a movie or something. Not real, just something made up in the twisted mind of some random person that ain’t me. I pushed my damp hair away from my eyes. I wish I had a cigarette on me now. Yep, I smoke. Did. I quit, but fuck I have the urge right about now. I told the people we crashed into I’d take care of it and gave them my number. Lets hope I don’t get calls from a lawyer. Cops came and went after the medics took Bean and the people I crashed into left. Me, I sat on the ruin of my car, wondering why my life was so damn fucked up. I guess I should take a cab home. The tow truck was gonna get here soon anyway and I knew I could leave it and he’d get the money tomorrow. Home, not some damn hotel. Trace can deal, I was in no mood for something I’m paying too much for. Yet, hell, I didn’t want to be alone tonight. I’m a pain, yes. I don’t know what the hell I want anymore. That’s part of all my damn problems.

The wind began to pick up, giving a chill in the air. I ignored it. As I pull out my cell phone though, I saw the strangest car drive down the highway and pull to a stop. A navy blue VW van, with carefully placed splashes of baby blue painted on it. Someone hopped out of it and came over, and I couldn’t help but give a small smile as I recognized the pretty girl before me.

Calypso.

I gave a grin, surprised as hell to see her. What was she doing here? I knew it was too early to hit the news. “What brings you here?” I asked, not bringing up the fact we hadn’t talked since that day at The Grove.

She shrugged as she wrapped her arms around herself. “I had a feeling I should go for a drive. Stopped cause,” Here she gave a little smirk. “no one else would have their license plate say ‘IN2KAOS' like you do.”

“You like it cause you know it fits me.” I smirked a bit, glancing back at the car that only Cally would design. It was her style, you could see her personality with it. Just like my plate was my style. “Didn’t know you drove.”

“I can, but I don’t have a car. Borrowed that from my friend Devi.” She sighs, having this cute little look as she does it. “Are you alright? Nick you look…well bad.” She turned a little pink when she realized she insulted me, and decided to wipe her glasses with the bottom of her baggy sports jersey then. “No offense.”

“Got in an accident.”

Cally gave a little shudder that you could tell wasn’t from the cold. “I hate accidents, even seeing them. They freak me out, make me all paranoidy. You need a ride back?”

I nod as I decide not to rub her arms for her. She looked cold was all. “Sure, I’ll show you how to get to my place.”

Then she said something that surprised the shit out of me.

“Actually I’m terrible with directions, and I have open space, how about you stay at my place for the night?”

**************

I can’t believe I just offered that. Holy crap. Holy Snickers. Bezel my jezels. Honestly I’ll tell you why. I’m horrible with directions. I would have gotten us both lost. Two, I knew Sebastian was going to stay at Izzy’s for the night. I got texted an invite on the drive. I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t want to be alone in my house either. It’s a small house, but I just don’t like it. And when I looked into Nick’s clear blue eyes, I could tell he didn’t want to go alone to his place either. I know the look cause I see it everyday, in my own reflection in the mirror.

Sometimes, you make rash decisions that will have consequence that you don’t know will be good or bad. Ones you know you shouldn’t do. But you do anyway, cause it feels right. This was one. As I drove us back to the house, I couldn’t help but be glad we were talking again. Holding back is almost like asking for trouble. Cause sooner or later, you know you’re gonna crash, and then you’re gonna burn.

So that night, Nick stayed at my house. We slept in the living room, me on one couch, him on the other of course. Before you start thinking otherwise. But let me be honest again, we didn’t sleep much, we talked the night away before I finally began to doze off. Last I remember being Nick telling me about growing up in a band.

I felt safe, secure, and despite the chaos before, I didn’t think it was a bad decision.

************

That night, me and Cally were laying on her couches in her living room. Her house was a typical suburbia house. Family photos everywhere. Something I noticed is in the recent ones her smile wasn’t as big. Could be seeing things after growing up in my fucked up family, so I could be hella wrong. Its been awhile since I’ve slept soundly. That night I did.

Nothing in my life makes sense. Having a friend like Cally didn’t either. She didn’t fit in my little screwed up world at all. She belonged way outside of it, in a safe zone beyond my reach. A place I tried to put her that last time after The Grove.

But for some reason, I felt her safe zone was close to me, not far away.

And as she fell asleep, and I watched her, rather than the TV we had had on...

I felt maybe, she thought the same.

“Just Another Day”

Chapter 13: Last Night You Saved My Life

I woke up to find Nick Carter asleep facing me from where he was on the couch. For a moment I was taken aback until I remembered last night. I can’t believe I did what I did. I’m freaking insane. I hadn’t meant to find him last night. Let me say that much. I had no clue he was going to be on the highway. Maybe I had gone down the one that goes towards upper LA, but this is not what I expected. I’ll be the first to say it’s a freaky coincidental series of events. That’s my life for you now. So not normal. I glanced down at myself; I was a mess in my baggy sweats and a random huge t-shirt I had thrown on. So I left Nick there, who looked quite sweet there sleeping, and headed to my room to get some clothes and take a shower. I smiled a bit to myself, more in amazement than anything else, turning on the small CD player in the bathroom. I grinned as Michael Jackson began to play, old school of course-before he became a freak, as I started running the water in the bathroom. I raised the volume, my clothes happily being shed away from my lumpy dumpy body, stepping under the steamy relaxing water waiting for me.

I guess I could say I felt in a dream state. I still had to get to school later on, I had my Psych 101 class at 1:00 PM, but it was only 9:30, and so the thought really wasn’t that upfront in my head. I couldn’t believe the crazy spin last night took. I had Nick in my living room, fast asleep. The person I was trying to avoid cause I wanted my life to be boring again. But, did I want it boring? I hated being ignored. And yet I wasn’t ignored, people would see those stupid candid pictures and look up and see me. It wasn’t the attention I wanted. I wanted to be ignored by the random people staring and making snickers. Since the rumor is I’m Nick’s new short fling, I know I was getting mocked likely from jealousy, even though there was nothing to be jealous of. But the comments I overheard when people looking at their magazines, or streaming news on their laptops bugged me. It wasn’t like every person in the world, but Nick was pretty A list celebrity, known by many. So the number not huge, wasn’t exactly tiny either. At Arby’s I hadn’t been able to concentrate, people kept giving me comments. Hell my coworkers were. I hated the job even before this so I had quit. School, well it was a little better only because I was never noticed much anyway. Nick was a well known rockstar, but at school, if I’m invisible, they wouldn’t make the connection, and it held true.

All these thoughts were running through my head as “The Way You Make Me Feel” played through the bathroom, and I ran my hands through my soapy hair. I felt bad for ignoring Brian as well, it was the fact I knew if I talked to him, I would have talked to Nick. Still happened, but it wasn’t like I saw it coming. I’ll have to call Brian, he was great for talks. I was surprised he had patience for someone young like me, but he says-in his sweet way that’s wise and just, typical Brian- that I’m “a breath of fresh air in a stagnant world” and how I’m mature for my age in a way most aren’t. He totally took on a big brother role. Since mine, well he doesn’t call except to lecture. Which even then that’s rare. My parents gone, all I have to greet me, other than Nick, are messages on my machine from my brother, who had just found out, and since he’s a publicist and deals with celebrities sometimes, had this long rant about how he knows how they are and I’m smarter than this… etcetera. Bunch of stuff that made me feel about twelve years old again.

No one had faith in me and my decisions. I wondered if I gave reason for that. Maybe I’m not the painter I think I am. Maybe that’s why I’m always directed towards Psychology. Maybe I’ve made many bad decisions like everyone says I do. Maybe I shouldn’t have quit my job. Maybe I should have gone to UCLA rather than a community college. Maybe I should have told Sebastian, before he first left for NYU two years ago, not to go, to stay, like I had wanted to then. Maybe I never should have become friends with Nick the way I did. Maybe I should listen to what people tell me to more.

That’s a lot of maybes.

One last one. Maybe, everyone is right in not having faith in my choices.

I wonder if Nick does.

Finishing my shower, stepping out and starting to dry off, I grabbed the clothes I brought in with me, changing after I braided my long, thick, damp hair. For now, I’ll stay in that bubble that wanted to surround me and Nick for the moment.

Guess I forgot that all bubbles eventually pop.


**************


Waking up to sunlight is something I ain’t adjusted to anymore. I squinted, trying to cover my face. Worked fine till I got tangled in the damn blanket I was using to block out the damn light. Next I knew was the thud of the not so comfy carpet that seemed pretty fucking soft last night. ‘Course, carpet always seems soft when you ain’t coming crashing down on it like a huge ass sack of potatoes.

THUD.

Great, that just felt great. In case you can’t tell, note the hella sarcasm I’m using.

“Oomph!” I grunted, still tangled in the bright blue evil torture device I am forced to call a blanket. NOW the blanket is over my face and I can’t see the damn light that instigated this. Instigated, big word, yay Nick! (Sarcasm is my friend, since the world thinks I’m stupid.) But yeah, NOW I can’t see that light. Fucking figures. I struggled against the evil blanket that tried to keep me, the good guy, in its evil clutches… and I was losing, pathetically.

I hear dogs barking outside, I think in the backyard, going absolutely nuts. I chuckle, I’m a sucker for dogs, guess she was too. I get the blanket off my face at least, just not off the rest of my long awkward body. I see her run out, in some jeans splattered with paint and another tie-dye shirt that matched the colors of paint on the jeans. Something simply her. “Skye and Star now you two just shush, I’m sure it wasn’t a robber or any-” I’m thinking then she saw me cause she started just laughing her ass off. Turning red even, not even helping me escape my deadly blanket prison. Thanks Cally. I pout at her, forgetting for a moment just how my life is so fucked up, that that had been why I escaped to here.

“Sorry…” she giggles some more before finally helping me up and away from the blue blanket of evil. Cally, my hero! Twice now actually, though she don‘t know about the other. Or is it three times? Focus now. I run a hand through my spiky mess. Bed hair. Eh, run some gel in it and it’ll be fine. “Morning.”

I gave a grin/smirk…thing. Then I took a whiff since you could tell she was fresh out of the shower. She smelled of peaches and mangos. I’ve never had a mango, but you know, that shampoo-y mango smell. Yum. I wonder why the fruity smell in stuff never smells like real fruit smells? It’s like that in bath stuff, candy, liquor… Focus Nick! “Morning, thanks for letting me crash again.”

She nods, letting her gaze hit the floor, like she had no confidence in herself. Not even enough to fake like she did. Damn, who put that into her head? I tilted her head up and chuckled, after doing me a favor like that, I wanted her to feel comfy. “Am I scary or ugly in the morning?”

She laughs; I wonder if Cally realizes how cute she is. Likely not with the fucked up world today. She ain’t perfect; I saw the “flaws” fine. The tubbiness, the gap in her teeth, the way she held herself. I did see it. They just, didn’t seem to matter with her for once. It was fucking weird. “No…”

“So look at me, or I’ll start thinking the floor is prettier.”

“Sorry, habit.”

Then she went silent, and wanting to break it, I stole her hair tie. Making that long braid of hers come out. Yay! Liberation of the hair! Oh yeah! “Hey!” She jumped for where I held it with my long ass stetcho man arms. Good to be tall. I snickered. “Give it back.”

“That’s no fun.”

Then she leaped for it, landing on me instead clumsily. I, trying to be a nice guy for the hell of it… (okay maybe not for the hell of it) try to catch her. Both of us being klutzy as hell, end up falling onto the couch that evil blanket tripped me off earlier. In fact I’m pretty damn sure it’s the blanket that caused us to trip and fall back! Fucking evil thing I tell you. So down we go. Laughing our asses off as she, on top of me, tried to get the ever demonized scrunchie. Laughs and giggles, chuckles, squirms, and wiggles are what took over. Then a door slammed harshly, echoing through the small home, startling the heck out of both of us. We both jolt in surprise, causing me, who was on the bottom that moment (not that way heh), to slip and fall off that couch again. She fell off as well, laughing and landing on top of me again. Footsteps grew closer, and we both looked up to see someone I didn’t expect to be in the house. Likely cause, well, I didn’t know him.


*************


“Cally, what the hell is he doing here?”

I looked up to see Sebastian, looking, well, pretty perturbed. Word of the day, perturbed. I’m a dork. I got off of Nick then, brushing myself off and taking back my scrunchie. My hands, fiddling for something to do, played with putting my hair back into its ponytail. I looked up at my friend, who looked well, annoyed. Behind him I could hear another voice.

“Sebbi! Did you find Cally yet? Lets G to the O yo!”

Seconds after Iz bounced up behind him, her brown hair bouncing happily about her round face sparkling with light. Oh boy. No this situation didn’t look bad. No this didn’t feel awkward or anything. Oh Lordie. I looked at Nick and found myself hiding a grin, he was still on the floor, looking a mess, and pretty silly in a way I’m discovering only Nick can.

After a few minutes of all of us being insanely quiet, and a lot of staring, I said the thing that should be said. “Um…hi guys.”

Alright they weren’t exactly wise or confident words but what would you say in this situation?

Iz said something that, well, covered it pretty well. “Oh…wow.”

I turned and helped Nick up, my hands itching for something to do again. My hair already was in a ponytail though. Sebastian, had the meanest look he could have on that usually happy go lucky face of his. I’ve only seen that look on him when he saw someone trying to hurt me. Nick scratched the back of his neck idly, I don’t think any of us knew what to do or say. Just one of those kind of moments you’re pretty sure hell (if it exists, I have my own theories) is like rather than the stereotype of fire and brimstone. Finally my voice came back to me to stay. “Nick, this is Izzy, Iz, this is Nick…and Nick this is Sebastian” I smiled, really hoping this could not go the really bad way I knew it was heading.

“What is he doing here?” Sebastian repeated again, ignoring the look, knew I was giving him that was almost pleading for him not to do this. Grrr.

“Look man, she let me stay the night-” Nick started, wanting to stop it before it started.

“He got in an accident and I happened to drive by when I borrowed your car, so I let him stay the night rather than try to find his house.”

“Look buddy, you need to stay away from my Lypsi, haven’t you caused enough trouble in her life already? She barely goes out cause she know they’ll be talking about her, cause of her befriending you. So just leave her the hell alone.”

“Look, Sebastian, I asked him to.”

“You don’t know what you’re doing.”

“Yes I do, no worries.” Try nice first.

“You just think you do.”

I raised a brow. How dare Devi pull that!? He’s doing what everyone else does and making my decision for me! That’s it! “Sebastian, if I wanted to not be friends with him he wouldn’t be here right now. So just back up off.” I wish I had yelled it but I didn’t. I did say it, albeit a bit quietly.

“You just are confused by this flashy wanna-be.” Nick’s face is fuming, I could just tell when I noticed him tense up behind me, but he stayed quiet, knowing Sebastian was my friend. Me? I was getting beyond annoyed at my so called friend’s actions.

“So you don’t trust my judgment?”

“Not on this.”

“Et tu Devi-us? Join the club since no one trusts me! God I am not a baby, if I want to have someone here, I’ll do it! If you don’t like it Sebastian then -” My anger rose as I saw him not really focusing on what I was saying, like I was a child who had to be pacified. How could my best friend be like this to me? “well then fuck off!”

“Cally, I’ll just go, its nothing.”

“No, its fine Nick, you stay, shower and stuff so then we can get breakfast.”

“Its aight, I mean it-”

“You should leave”

“Nick, its fine, its my house. It’s all good.” I gave Sebastian a glare; I couldn’t believe the way he was acting.

“You know your parents would kill you for this.”

I turned back to my friend when he said that, my eyes blazing. “If you told them I don’t think I’d be able to forgive you for it. I’m an adult, same as you or them. So if I want to fuck up my life the way everyone says I will, by hanging out with the big bad Nick Carter, then I should be able to.” I looked at Nick then, “Go ahead and use the shower if you want, second door to the right down the hall.” I watched him nod and start towards it. He had to feel awkward as all get out, heading down that hallway of mine. I sigh as he does, I knew he felt bad and that was why I sent him to a shower. He didn’t need to feel like the cause of fighting and weirdness. Iz looked at me, and the moment she heard Nick shut the bathroom door she let out a small squeal.

“Girl, did you know you have Nick freaking Carter, Flames Of Ice Nick Carter, in your house?”

I smiled a little. “Oh do I?” I joked.

“You do Lypsi and you need to kick him the hell out.”

“Stop talking about him like that. He needed a friend last night, and I can’t abandon my friends, I don’t have it in me, YOU of all people should know that Devi. If you can’t handle that, leave.”

He ran a hand through his spiked sandy hair, his blue-green changing orbs hardening at me not agreeing with him for once. ”I’ll leave for now but I’m not going to let you be stupid and have him hurt you…”

“What makes you think a choice I made is stupid!”

“Cause it is! Look at what you’re doing! How many sane people invite celebs who just had a DUI and ANOTHER drunk driving accident into their home?! How many normal people can take being friends with someone so well known, and someone known to use people like tissue.”

I raised a brow as Izzy smartly stayed quiet and in the background. Don’t blame her for not wanting to get in this mess.

“If he caused the accident last night, he wouldn’t have been sitting by the car when I came upon him. Figures it hit news. I don’t think he’s the type to use people either. Either way...I’m pretty sure that’s MY decision.”

“You’re being naïve, inviting someone who fucks groupies all the time, using people like you, into your house after the crap that was on E! Just from you two going to the Grove.”

“My choice, and I want to be friends with him.”

“You said before you didn’t.”

“Oh it’s okay to decide something as long as I agree with you? Well I changed my mind.”

“Well change it back!”

“Leave then Sebastian! If you want him away from you. Cause I am NOT kicking him out, he‘s my friend, you don‘t do that to friends.”

“You’ve known him how long?”

“None ya business! It doesn’t matter. Go away if you can’t take it.”

“I will then.” He was staring me down, as if he knew I’d cave any moment on what I was saying. It irked me all the more. I hate confrontation, but I just couldn’t go with the idea of rudely kicking Nick out just so Sebastian would be happy, best friend or not, I couldn’t do it.

“So go Sebastian, go like you did to NY-fucking U! Leave if you can‘t handle what I‘m doing!”

Then I saw my best friend, turn around and stalk out the door angrily. Door slamming. Maybe that last part was uncalled for…slightly. Iz followed, but not after another squeal.

“You’re filling me in with details later Cally!” Then she went out behind him, I knew it was because she knew it was better he not go blow off that hot air alone. I heard two cars drive off as well. Well grr, there went any ride for me and Nick. He did that on purpose. Ugh. I’ve never talked to him like that before. I haven’t seen him act this way either, not since we fought over the phone because I decided to stay in California when I graduated and he wanted me to go to a school in New York. This is also the first time he told me what I should be doing so forcefully. If he has before, I never noticed, or had agreed with him anyway. I just… lost it. He comes back, from NYU yes at the right time, cause I needed him, but he thinks he can tell me how to run my life. I never wanted him to go there to begin with. Him going came as a shock, a betrayal, one…admittedly I never did fully forgive. He left and expects everything to be the same. Forget that.

I sigh again as I go to feed my dogs Skye and Star, my two golden labs. Sweet pups, only a year old, and still being trained which is why they’re not in the house. My life has been pretty crazy that I forgot to mention them. They’re adorable though, and make me feel like I’m actually here when no one else does. Opening the screen door, I feed them as I pet them softly; they looked up at me with loving eyes. I love dogs, they accept you, and just love you, they know nothing else. People should be like that. “You guys like who I am huh babies…you two never try to tell me how I’m always wrong, how I should be this, and how I should be that, who I should know, who I shouldn’t, where to work, how to dress, how to act…what’s wrong with just me?”

*****************

Hearing that question, as I walked up, clean but stuck in the same clothes as last night, I couldn’t help but be angry. It seemed like this girl, who fascinated me on the simplest freaking level, was always told to be someone else. Well that explains the self esteem issues. That guy had been her friend, heh, though I think he wants more if you want my view. But he’s doing the same thing. How can you have feelings for someone you want to change and control? I live in a fucked up world, but even for me that logic is too damn twisted. I walk up behind her, giving her a hug. “You know there’s nothing wrong with just you.”

She jumped and turned to see me; I felt bad I startled her. “I didn’t know you were there Nick, I was just spurting nonsense to my dogs.” She closed the sliding door behind her.

I shrugged, “I was just letting you know Cally, that anyone who says you can’t be you is full of bullshit.” I send her a grin to try and lighten the mood. “Let’s get going.”

“Sebastian made sure to take his car so we don’t have a car to use now.” Damn. Asshole. But if he’s important to her, I’ll play nice. My phone rang loudly in my pocket, maybe its Brian. I can con him into picking us up. At least to my place so we can get one of my other cars. Surprised no one else called yet… I checked the caller id. SHIT. Tracy. I completely forgot about my own damn girlfriend. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Of course she’d call. The accident last night likely made the sleaze news, if my DUI and outing did, this shit sure would. Shit. How could I forget Trace? Shit I haven’t called anyone. Double shit. Brian has gotta be over-worried. Triple shit! Kevin is going to go all dad like and kill me! Shit! Phone still ringing. I answered, hoping this would go well.

“Hey babe.”

“Nick!? Finally I got a hold of you! Are you okay? Where are you?! I had to find out about your accident over the radio! You‘re not at your place, no one in that damn band of yours knows where you are…Chris called my cell to try and reach you, said your phone must‘ve been off…that Rob‘s okay outside of a few broken ribs and a concussion…maybe something else, can‘t remember. But no one knew where you were-”

“Hey hey, calm down, I’m aight, just at friends.” I glance over at Calypso, who headed to her room to give me privacy. That or to work on a painting or something, can’t say for sure.

“Which friend? Chris’?” Uh oh. Fifty bucks says she’s seeing if I lie cause she called em. Fucking women. They only like to test you.

“No.”

“Tony?”

“No. I was at-” I ain’t stupid, even though it ain’t nothing, I know telling her the truth will get me in even more trouble.

“Where then Nick?”

But with her naming off names all paranoid female like, with that damn spidey jealous sense a tingling, I hadn’t much choice left. So I was honest, and waited for the explosion. “Cally’s.”

“Cally…” A pause, I think she’s trying to place the name with a person. “do you mean that Calypso girl? That GROVE Calypso girl?” And here I had been hoping she wouldn’t connect it. Damn.

“Babe she did me a favor and picked me up last night after the accident. She’s a friend. I’d like you to meet her actually.”

“Heh, uh huh. Just remember I’m the one you’re with Nick Carter. Me. Not her. I’ll see you at the hotel later. I’m on my way out to meet with some girls of mine. Love ya.”

“Bye Trace.” I hung up, going off to find the girl who angered my own girl so much. Trace shouldn’t feel threatened anyway; she was the more physically appealing one by all accounts. Won’t lie. I found Cally in what had to be her room, decorated an almost neon blue with bright splashes of yellow paint on the walls, then everything else having that blue or yellow shade. She sat in a worn out beanbag chair, sitting before a painting. She glanced up at me.

“Your girlfriend mad?” How’d she know? Damn. Women are psychic too. Forgot about that.

“Nope, not mad.”

She crossed her arms over her large…big…um… thinking of the word that won’t piss off the ladies reading this - see I’m sensitive! So she crossed those arms over her not small… boobies, breasts, bosom, Ta-Tas, take your pick though I like the term… heh heh - juicy juicy mangos. Decent sized and real - nice, very nice. What?! I’m a guy, a freaking dude, remember? Moving on…she gave me a smirk. I don’t think she knows what I’m thinking, or I’d be getting smacked right about now.

“Liar. Look…” She let our a short breath of air as she pushed a sunny strand of hair out of her face-see even her hair likes to escape the scrunchie-her sky blue eyes skipped away from my own quickly. You’d think I was trying to eat them or something. She’s confusing. More than most women. Damn those women! Um sorry. She kept her gaze away from mine. “I don’t want to get you in trouble with your girlfriend.”

“Don’t worry Calypso-baby, no trouble-except me, do I count?”

She hid the smile that started to peek through. “You sure, cause yeah after that last time…um…”

I knew what she was getting at, the rumors caused by those damn paparazzi. Telling you, if I had one wish, just one. ONE. It would be to get a penned up area with nowhere to hide, and go stalker paparazzi hunting with a big ‘ole shot gun. Be vewy vewy qwuiet, Nick’s hunting stawker pawps…hehehehe…

“It’s cool; I’ll call Brian and see if he can pick us up, taxis suck.”

“I have a class later, like at two.”

“So we drop you off.” Simple as that. I pulled out my sidekick, my handy dandy sidekick! Okay I’ve been watching too much Blue’s Clues with Baylee. Before I can do anything with it Cally snatched it away and started figuring out how to call Brian on it. I glanced over at her chuckling, wondering why my phone got stolen with me. “I wanna call; it’s been awhile since I spoke to Brian.”

Least it wasn’t just me she was ignoring till last night. “Why my phone?”

“You’re rich, you’re famous, I’m poor, I’m invisible…so your phone.” She teased, and I wonder if she was being honest and hiding it in her bratty teasing way. Cally set on the task of figuring my phone out, with this sweet (yes I said sweet dammit) concentrating face as she fiddled with it. This one’s an enigma, but in a good way. I felt drawn to this friend of mine, and not in the way of owing her something, though I did. I just couldn’t understand it all. But, I don’t have to.

Not yet anyway.

“Just Another Day”

Chapter 14: You Get Me

After I calmed down from both having Nick in my house and fighting with Sebastian till he finally left (I did NOT kick him out, I told him to leave if he can’t handle my decisions. Big diffy there), after that I was alright. Mostly. For me anyway. I think. Maybe. Possibly. Gah! Okay, stopping now. Now I was talking to Brian. Brian, wise Brian who, I missed, and was very happy…overjoyed, and content to talk to and have him be all wise and advice guy on me.

“Cally. Good to hear from ya hun.”

“Ditto.”

“Why are you calling from the thing Nick calls a phone?”

“He let me borrow it.”

“Hun, have you seen him recently? Very recent? He’s all over the tabloids, no one’s heard from him, all we know is that he was in a car accident thanks to those devil loving tabloids-”

I don’t think he’s connected the fact I have Nick’s phone to me seeing him recently. “Brian…”

“We’re very worried and we know how he is-”

“Brian…”

“And I’m sure Kevin-he’s my cousin by the by- Kevin, he’s likely gonna blow his head quicker than a bunny can procreate” Aww, his country accent is starting to show. He’s from Kentucky, in case you didn’t know.

“Brian!”

“Yes Cally? Don’t gotta shout.”

Covering my mouth to keep the bubble of giggles escaping; my eye caught Nick peeking around my room a bit. Well…at least he hasn’t noticed my paintings yet, at least I don’t think he has yet. They’re in my closet…and two are on the walls on my room. Gah.

“Cally?”

“Sorry! Um, yeah I know where Nick is.”

“Where?” I heard a crash in the background and…lots and lots of yapping from the dog. Then another crash. And Baylee cheering and laughing. Aw. “Hun?”

“Oh, well…”

I paused, feeling that weird feeling again. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea last night if this is my reaction every time. Get over it, you did it, and defended it, you really wanna question it now? I’m odd, yeah I know. I just, I don’t know. It seems like all the assurance I had earlier in this ran off, and I only had it because Sebastian was reminding me of everyone else in my life. Except Iz, cause really she’s just…Iz. I did it though, so asking myself if I had done something sweet and smart or something stupid and naïve is pretty mute isn’t it?

My vocal chords returned when I finally made that click in my odd little head…well big head. Not ego wise but- oh never mind. “Nick…um…stayed at my place last night…he’s um…he’s here now.” Oh doesn’t that sound assured? Stupid! Ugh. Whatever. Lord. Next thing you know I’ll turn into one of those Mary Sue girls in those cheesy romance movies where the girl has NO personality and it doesn’t resemble real life at ALL because everything works out. Real life isn’t like that!

I know my life…lately anyway… isn’t exactly average but I ain’t exactly Pamela Anderson either. While my thoughts drove me absolutely insane, Brian responded, getting my lost attention again. Geeze, I’m starting to think like the Squishy. Hehe and he thinks I forgot that nickname. He’s cool, but he’s more random than I can dream of being. Anywho…

“Oh he’s there with you? I’m glad the Frackolas isn’t causing more chaos. Thanks for calling to let me know hun; it really sets us at ease.” Wonder why he sounds so calm now. My gaze drifted over to Nick. Something I don’t know about?

“I’ll talk to you later then?”

Ack, forgot about the ride!

“Actually there’s a second reason I called…see last night I had borrowed a car and now my friend took it back…and Nick’s car was towed…and we thought…um…well…”

“You want me to pick you two bumbles up?”

I chuckled, cause really, bumbles? “Bumbles…” I speak my mind on unimportant things. It’s a step.

“Short for bumble butts.”

“Uh huh.”


**************

Cally talking on the phone, I took the chance to take a look around. I know her, but it seems sometimes she was so guarded and I wanted to know more. I’m nosy…Nick Carter…master detective! That sounds better. Or a secret agent, like James Bond…? Nah, Bond was too stuffy; I’d be having more fun if I had his job. Cally chatted happily with my best friend and I started poking into her closet, if it was Trace, I’d know what was in there: expensive flashy clothes and tons of shoes. Typical of any girlfriend of mine. I’m a man; I want any girl on my arm to be taken care of. Not to be sexist but that’s what a man does, protects and cares for the one beside him. I opened one of the sliding doors; the closet could fit four times at least into mine. Not that it matters. Clothes, mostly jeans and t-shirts, and a bunch of sneakers. Then, tucked behind some jackets, several items caught my trained detective eyes…

Aight, so it ain’t detective eyes, but oh well. Don’t matter.

Hidden behind them were several large paintings. I began to examine them, and I couldn’t believe the skill in front of me. I like to draw, and I knew she liked to paint, but I hadn’t known how talented this girl was. The emotion in the strokes and shit…it was insane how freakin’ sweet these things were. Many of the paintings to my surprise, knowing Cally, had dark themes. So she did have a side she tried to hide.

Interesting. Why am I surprised? Don’t we all?

Each one though, had some light somewhere in the painting. The one I dug the most was one of a cave in, with a person huddled in the corner, by a fire that had long gone out, shivering. Behind it there was a ghostly figure that looked like it was trying to control the person or dive into him/her. But a small ray of light poked through that rocks that blocked what I guess was the entrance before the cave in in the painting. It was aimed directly at the ghost, and the ghost was around that light, starting to vaporize. Dark themes. I couldn’t believe they came from the girl I’ve been talking to. The one who said I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. That everything gets better.

“What are you doing?” I looked back, shit, didn’t know she hung up with Bri.

I stood, holding the painting I just told ya about. Turning towards her, my gaze met hers and she looked, I don’t know…shocked that I found them, or annoyed, I don’t think she’s used to anyone seeing these babies. Shit. Oops. She should! They’re hella awesome. Trust me on this.

“I knew you painted Cal, but these are…”

“Terrible, yeah I know.” She grabbed her wallet and purse, tucking them in her pockets, before putting her hands on the painting I held.

“Heh, no these are great…why don’t you try being an artist? “

“Told ya before it’d never work, psychology is a smarter route for me, safer.”

Remember awhile back where I told ya she sounded brainwashed? Deja-fucking-vu man. “Why’s that?”

She took the painting away, putting it back in the closet where no one would see it. I looked around and caught the two paintings on the wall. They were hella skilled but, not…deep like the ones I saw. That’s why she displayed those. The shallow side, that side that is selfish and thinks I’m the only one suffering, makes me wonder what a normal girl like Cally has for inspiration for darker paintings. I ain’t one to judge. Everyone thinks I got the perfect life, when my world is more twisted than most.

“Just because, anywho, Brian is gonna be by in a few.”

********

Sitting in the back of Brian’s jeep was a bit…surreal? Even though I’ve been in it before. Maybe it’s because Nick is sitting beside me. I had jumped into the back, figuring Nick would sit up front. Nope. Brian had just joked that he was our chauffeur. Nick kept changing the radio too. Him to his rock, I was in the mood for pop, and Brian was in the mood for country. So it was a battle of music wills.

…Ridin' in the drop top with the top down, Saw you switchin' lanes girl…

…What else could I write, I don't have the right, What else should I be…

…Wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to…

…But let me show you 'round, let me take you out, Bet you we could have some fun girl…

…I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too…

…I'll take all the blame, Aqua seafoam shame…

…And who would've thought that you could be the one 'cause I…I can't wait to fall in love with you, You can't wait to fall in love with me…

Smirking a bit I kept my hand on the button. Brian glanced back as he waited for the light to change. “Hun, I’m being nice and giving you two a ride and you want to torture me with that music? That’s cruel and unusual punishment.”

“Amen! Preach on holy man!” I heard Nick chime in beside me. Rolling my eyes at them I huffed a bit.

“I like his music. It’s better than country…”

“Country is real music, not that overproduced stuff he passes off as imitation music. Country music speaks from the soul y’all.” Brian said firmly, his accent getting stronger.

“Both suck.”

“Okay rock is awesome, but I’m not up for it right now, I need upbeat music. Not groaning about a hill-” I saw Brian and grinned a little. “Not groaning or depressing stuff.”

“Oh, Nick, we have a recording session later, don’t forget.” Brian prompted Nick calmly, reminding us both he’s a dad.

Nick turned to me with a half smirk from Brian acting fatherly like. “Thanks Rok, Cally, you can come watch us record if ya want, if you’re interested in that shit.”

“Actually that sounds pretty cool.”

I saw the oldest of us nudge my hand away and change the station again. This time, it was something the three of us could at least agree on for now. Well, correction, Nick pouted but I think he liked it and just didn’t want to admit it, because he stopped fighting for music control.

…Ooh I need your love babe, Guess you know it's true. Hope you need my love babe, Just like I need you. Hold me, love me, hold me, love me. Ain't got nothin' but love babe…

And really, how can anyone not love that song? Or the group? Seriously.

As we got to Nick’s place, which by the way I’ve never been to, I gave Brian a hug, getting out of the car. I also think that guilt over Sebastian was diving in. Maybe we shouldn’t have fought the way we did. Maybe this is why I don’t have a large group of friends; guess I’m good at chasing them away. So breaking that habit now.

“Sorry I kind of ignored any existence of yours.” I muttered softly, wishing I was invisible. I did do a bad thing by ignoring them cause of my own scary issues. Can you blame me? Their world is scary. So we stood, before Nick’s apartment. Alrightie then. My mind still keeps going back to the fact Nick saw my paintings too. The ones I hide. He had to be saying they were good because he was my friend. My own parents saw them, and said that they were alright but that the feel of the painting was far too depressing and that I would never get anywhere with painting cause I didn’t paint what people liked to see. Nice right? True, but couldn’t it be in a nicer way? Le sigh.

We head in and I kinda stood there, in his apartment, feeling rather awkward really. That was until, as I headed in behind him, I slipped and tripped and went flying towards the black, beaten looking leather couch anyway. Damn my clumsiness, I felt my cheeks get way too warm. Wow, embarrassing much right? Then, I couldn’t help it, I just started laughing wildly, going into a pure fit of insane giggles with Nick plopping down beside me with a few chuckles himself.

“What’s so funny?”

“I am, comfy couch too.”

“Thanks, it ain’t used to being a landing pad.”

I gave a smirk as my eyes skimmed the place over. Nothing of what I thought anyone famous would own. It was the bachelor’s pad of the average man. Nirvana posters, some for System of a Down, a painting that was actually pretty cool looking by an artist I shockingly did not know. Standard stuff, except I bet the painting cost a few. Awards for gold records and such were up as well proudly amongst candid photos of the band and what I assumed were other friends of his. Do you know what was missing? Family photos, I couldn’t spot a one.

I bet your family misses you when you’re touring though… I thought to myself.

“Heh, they miss the money.”

Ack, did I just say that out loud? Um, what do I say now since that response was kind of well a downer? Um…

“It’s aight Cally I’m used to it.”

“You don’t sound like it.” I replied, sitting up now, and facing him on the couch as I adjusted my glasses.

“Just frustrating. The fellas got one and I got money grubbers…”

Staying silent seemed smart, he needed to let this out I sensed, and I just happened to be the one there.

“They use me for every fucking thing. I know it, even when I give it to them cause I still want a damn family. I love music but I got forced into this shit from them too, all so they can be happy, and none of them even fucking talk to me. I’m used to it but it’s frustrating as hell. Then I have the media houndin‘ my ass every time I breathe and its suffocating.” He gave out what sounded like a mix of a sigh and a muffled growl and cry hybrid. If that made sense. Just the sound, not like actual crying or anything.

“Why not quit then?”

“I can’t quit. Music is what I know, I love it.”

“Sometimes what you love ain’t good for ya.”

“Heh, sometimes it is. If you did what you loved baby, you’d be happier.”

“If you stopped what you love you’d be happier.”

“It ain’t that simple.”

I gave a shrug. “Nothing is.” I saw a movie on the table and decided he needed distraction from it all. “You wanna watch Goonies?”

He gave a small smile and popped in as I rested against the couch, him pulling me to lean on him a bit. As a comforting friend gesture you know? He turned off the lights as we watched the greatness that is Goonies.


***************

After I dropped Cally off at her school, I drove around in my Cadillac thinking I should go to Tracy’s. I drove around for about an hour thinking on this. I had said I would stop by there. She’s likely pissed as hell. I suck as a boyfriend. Shit. I have to work on the album with the fellas tonight. Okay, shit. Maybe I can con her into coming with us this time. Quality time and Kevin doesn’t kill me for missing studio time. Brilliant. I pulled up to the hotel, parking near the back as I tried to quietly get in to see my girl. Nope. Not that lucky, guess it was a miracle I got to my place unnoticed. Flashes from cameras were surrounding me as I headed inside to see Tracy. How the hell did they know I’d be here?

“Nick! What do you have to say about your accident?!”

“Just glad everyone was aight man…”

“Are you still seeing Tracy or have you moved on?”

“Are you seeing other girls on the side like at The Grove?”

“What do you have to say about the rumors that you’re out of control?”

I rolled my eyes. Leeches I swear. I pushed the button for the elevator, stepping on fast as hell. “There’s a hella lot more important things to be talkin’ bout. Like the war or our president or somethin’ go focus on that.”

Whew. The elevator doors closed. I pretty much blocked their way from trying to get in. They took photos of it. Well that’ll be fun to see what fans think of those poses. Heh. Maybe I should surf LD later. My latest amusement. I still want to know how those stalkers knew I’d come here. The world still thought I had cheated on Trace. Heh, oh well. I strolled down the hall to what I knew was her and let myself in, I had a key obviously since I’m paying the tab and all. She was sitting on the bed, in this teeny little skirt and even smaller top that teased the hell out of me. Damn women. Her long copper fire hair was up. Damn. I like hair down. Do women know this and do this to annoy me? I annoy others pretty easy hehe. Ask Kevin. People ain’t supposed to get to me. Cally does, but that’s different, she‘s different, special. Whoa. How the hell did I go from thinking about Tracy to thinking about Calypso? Two very different women. Damn ADHD! Hmm, I’m hungry, I need some Dr. Pepper… and pizza… note to self: con the guys into getting it at the recording session.

I came up behind her, pulling her into my arms. I always love the feel of a female against me. Nothing better.

“Nicky…” SLAP! Ow. Okay, what the fuck!?

“That’s for worrying the hell out of me and then calling me for only two minutes so you can hang out with another girl!”

Well, I ain’t getting any tonight. “Babe, I told you, Cally is a friend. She found me after the accident last night and gave me a lift. That’s it. I called this morning cause I didn’t wanna wake ya last night.”

Think she’ll accept that shit? Its true, aight I didn’t say I stayed at Cally’s. I ain’t a moron. I wrapped my arms around her again, hoping that I don’t get slapped this time as my lips dive for the suppleness of her neck. I’m a neck man too. Hair, neck, boobies (or the juicy juicy mangos hehe…) hell I love all women parts! She let out a slight moan as I let my tongue do what it’s best at. “I’m here with you right baby…”

She gave a slight nod and I let out a grin as I saw some results from my tiny handiwork. My hands sliding down her slight curves- she didn’t have many ‘cause she’s pretty skinny- as she released a sigh. “You are here, you’re mine…” Trace murmured as her jade eyes gazed up at me. We could have gone further until I saw the time. Shiiit. Again.

“Um babe, not to be a tease…but I have to work…”

“Tell um you can’t make it.”

“Can’t, Kev will kill me.”

The bed shook slightly as she rose from it, a little annoyed. Can’t blame her, I’m annoyed I have to quit too. I shouldn’t have been driving around so long. “Babe, I have to go and see if we can get enough tracks to pick em for an album, but you wanna watch me work?” A lone finger traces down that silky smooth skin of hers. “You can help me unwind later…” I whispered in her ear, expecting her to say no. It ain’t her thing at all.

“Sure…I can watch my baby do his thing.”

And as I drove us to the recording studio, I figured I had everything worked out. My girlfriend ain’t mad at me. Bean was doing better; I called him during that hour drive since if I go down the media will have a field day. Cally ain’t hatin’ me, I didn’t see how much that got to me till she and I chilled together earlier. She listened to me after she mentioned family and I kind of broke down. Didn’t mean to, it’s just hell sometimes with the Carters. And she just listened, she got that I didn’t want a pep talk. She got it. Somethin’ hella rare. So we parked and headed inside the studio, Tracy and I. I was with my girlfriend as I should be. There were the fellas waiting for me. And… Cally…

Cally, you can come watch us record if ya want, if you’re interested in that shit.

Actually that sounds pretty cool.

I invited them both. Idiot! Shit! My girl stiffened up against me when she spotted Cally. Brian gave me a questioning look. Guess he told her where to go. AJ seemed amused, the bastard. Howie was on the phone, and Kevin, a miracle had him in the recording booth already. Cally seemed like she wanted to run out of here. She was on the couch, looking nervous. I had that urge to hug her and tell her she ain’t gotta be so shy. Not that I blame her, since with Tracy all up on me it’s obvious she’s my girl. That and the death glares my redhead was givin’. Trace recognized her, with that damn paparazzi video being everywhere.

“What’s she doing here?!” She hissed at me.

So… remember that shit I said about figuring it out? Nah, I’m an idiot.

A very dead idiot.

“Just Another Day”

Chapter 15: The Artists

So I’m here with a girl who is staring daggers at me, and is Nick’s girlfriend. Well, that makes my hunch clear: that she does hate me. I glanced at Brian who just put a hand on my shoulder. I felt odd enough, having only known Brian and Nick there. I’m in a recording studio and I kind of wanted to bolt. I guess I should admit that even though I knew about the girlfriend, I never had to see her; now that I have, it kind of dampens it all for me. I could see Nick whispering in her ear, probably trying to keep her from killing me. So why am I staying? I didn’t want to go home. I’d have to deal with Sebastian and I wanted him to cool down before we talked.

“Trace, babe...this is my friend Cally. Cally, this is my girl Tracy.”

Is it odd I noticed he calls her babe but calls me baby? I’m a freak. But I did notice it.

I wave my hand slightly, wishing my eyes would leave the floor. I’m nervous and shy, gah. “Hi…”

Her response was just a condescending smirk, like she felt she was better than me. Yuck. “Yes, well, hello.”

Don‘t I feel welcomed. I just nodded. “Nice to meet you, Nick says all sorts of nice things about ya.” Liar, liar, pants on fire. In fact Nick shot me a look.

“Well…” She gave a smug smile that confirmed the she’s better than me idea. “He has plenty to talk about…”

Then a very awkward silence. After what was really seconds but felt like hours, someone, I think Brian said it was AJ, spoke up from where he was watching on a sofa. “So what do you do girls? Cally, Tracy.”

“I was this assistant for a law firm, secretarial, but I ended up quitting.”

Nick’s brows flew up at that news. Guess he didn’t know. “You didn’t tell me that babe…”

“Wasn‘t worth chatting about Nicky…”

“What about you Cally. Tight name, Calypso, you as wild as a goddess?” He asked with a playful grin.

Feeling myself turn red I wiped my glasses offhandedly. “I’m just a student, majoring in Psychology. Nothing special…”

“Alex, maybe she’ll be able to figure you out once she’s done…”

“Yeah right! Impossible. Jay, she also has some mad paintin’ skills.”

“Just a hobby, Squishy exaggerates.”

AJ snickered as he rubbed the bead he was beginning to grow. “Squishy?”

I heard Nick groan as I beamed at him playfully. “Just a nickname.”

Oh goody another glare from the red headed devil. Can I go now? Another silent pause arrived, as a tall raven haired man with the greenest eyes ever came out of the booth. He turned towards Nick with a small smile.

“Bro, you’re up.” Then he saw me. “I’m Kevin, Brian’s cousin.”

“Um Cally… Nick’s friend.”

He gave a warmer smile as Nick headed into the recording booth. “Heard a lot about ya, don’t feel nervous, none of us are as crazy as Nick.”

I laughed as Tracy stood there, watching me. To her I was a cockroach she wanted to drown with bug spray. Good thoughts huh? Always.

“Can you boys excuse us? Me and Cally should have a ladies chat.” She informed them, sounding as sweet as a spoiled apple pie. She took my arm, dragging me behind her. There we stood, outside under the beauty of the setting sun. Then that pretty face of hers grew cold, hard, and ugly within seconds, a true nature now revealed. A perfectly manicured finger adorned with pink polish poked me hard in the chest as I stepped back a bit.

“You need to stay the HELL away from MY man.”

“I…I’m only friends with him. I’m allowed to be his friend…”

“Not if I have anything to say about it. I have Nicky wrapped around my little finger; I get what I want when I want it. I want you gone, and you better bet that he would drop your frumpy, annoying, lard ass like…” A snap clicked next to my ear, causing me to jerk. “-that. I mean you can’t fit into his world. People want to BE me, be him. Who would want to be your ugly ass self. You’re huge, those glasses make your face seem even larger which is nasty, your teeth have a space that makes Madonna’s look nonexistent. You’re hideous. Get a clue Cally. He just pities you.”

“That’s not true.” Why can’t I raise my voice? It wasn’t true, it wasn’t. “You’re just using Nick anyway aren’t you? That’s why you have no job. You prolly never did…” I hated her right then. See I realized she actually was using him right as I said it. So I hated her for it. Simple as that.

A wicked smile crawled across her face in the form of crimson lipstick. “Well Calypso, seems he doesn’t mind too much does he? Calypso, that’s a freaky name for a tub of lard. Now you stay away from him or you WILL be sorry.”

“What if I don’t? Don’t you care what Nick wants?”

“Heh, Nick wants me sweetie. Reality check. Trust me, I’m making connections, I can make your life hell, so just go back and play with your finger-paints and textbooks and pretend like Nick never existed.”

The doors swinging open instigated Tracy’s sweet shell to revive itself. Brian stepped out, looking concerned. “Just checking on you ladies. Everything alright?”

“Yes, thank you. Cally here was complaining of a tummy ache though, huh sweetie…”

I just shook my head at it all. It wasn’t worth fighting. All this drama has been getting to me anyway. I nodded at Brian. “Yeah, stomach ache…”

“You want a ride home hun?”

“Sure.”

I could see the cocky little smirk on Tracy’s face, and wanted to rip it off. She was poison, but poison usually survives longer than sugar. I followed Brian to his jeep, getting in wordlessly. I just wanted to go home. I never do like every flaw I had being pointed out to me. Especially when I thought I had forgotten them. Brian turned the radio to a pop music station and Brian McKnight filled my ears with his song “My Kind Of Girl“. They were celebrating “old school” music of the 90’s. He was trying to comfort me. If he was my age and not married, I’d so be into him. Such a sweet guy.

“You really alright?”

“Yeah…”

“I know the tummy ache is a lie, what did that little tramp say to you?”

I raised a brow at him. Wow, I never hear Brian talk like that. “We just talked…”

“That girl is faker than a three headed cow at a rodeo. Nickolas has terrible taste in girls. She’s using him but he won’t see it.”

I shrugged. “Maybe he’s happy with her…”

“You really believe that?”

“No, but it’s his life. She just wants me out of it.”

“Why did you let her talk to you like that? It’s not true. She’s threatened and is beating you down.”

“You heard her?”

Brian shot me the cheesiest grin as he stopped at a red light, waiting for it to change. “When we were younger, Nick and I used to develop our eavesdropping skills. I never lost them.”

I pulled the small notebook I had out of my back pocket; I always have one in case I get an idea. I started sketching if only to get myself out of the conversation and it might be nice to paint later. “Yeah well, maybe it is true. I should just listen to everyone telling me I’m screwing up my life by being friends with him.”

“You let people dominate you too much.”

Ignoring that last comment, I continued sketching until he pulled up to my house. Then he caught sight of simple sketch. It really wasn‘t anything special. Really. “Cally, hun, did you do this?”

I shrugged. “Just felt like drawing out some emotions.”

His finger ran across the page lightly. “This is good. Really good. Maybe we can get you to draw out and paint our album cover.”

I raise a brow, getting out of the car. “You’re insane.”

“I’m an honest country boy, you know that. So, think about it.” He replied, and drove off. I headed into the house, seeing Sebastian’s car out front. Not looking forward to this. How did my life get so complicated?


*****************


Stepping out of the recording booth I noticed two things. One, Tracy looked really happy with herself. Two, Cally was nowhere to be seen. Uh oh. Damn. I went to Trace, resting my head on her shoulder. “Miss me?”

“Mmm,” her lips tilted to the side to meet my own. ”Always.”

“What happened to Cally?”

She just glanced at me, looking bored. “She said she didn’t feel well. So she left.”

I glanced at Brian who just came in. He must have been her ride home. “I should call and check on her.”

Her slender hands landed on my own hands as they reached for my sidekick. Glancing at them trying to stop me from using my phone, I gave her a questioning look.

“She was pretty sick Nicky…I’m sure she doesn’t want to be bothered…”

Hmm, well she had a point. I was a little surprised still that she left without telling me. “I guess, I might wake her if she’s all sleepin’…”

Brian stood as Jay headed to the booth to lay down his own powerful as hell vocals. There’s a reason he’s a lead. Kevin was now on the phone saying sweet nothings type stuff to his wife. Howie was STILL on the damn phone, working on business plans. Little Donald Trump I tell ya. I looked at Brian and he gave a nod and I kissed Tracy on her cheek soothingly. “I’m going out for a smoke real quick babe.” I lied. I’m damn good at it took cause she kissed me ever so sensually and gave me a smirk.

“Hurry back.”

“Always.”

Brian and I headed outside and I just watched him, waiting to hear it. He wanted to say something. I knew it. He’s my best friend and all but he always has something to say.

“What?”

“Nick I know you hate us telling you what to do…”

A brow rose up at that. “Yes, I do… but you’re going to tell me right.”

He shrugged, running a hand over the curly, strawberry tinged, blonde hair. “I’m not telling, I’m suggesting. You’re too old now for me to be telling.”

“So what are you ’suggesting’?”

“That you re-evaluate your relationships is all.”

I rub the back of my neck, suddenly wishing for that damn cigarette I swore I’d quit. “What do you mean? You mean Trace?”

“I just mean take a look at your relationships.” With that he headed back inside, leaving me utterly confused. Before he went through the doors he paused.

“By the by, I suggested to Cally that she draw something for our album cover, I saw a sketch and was impressed. You might wish to call her about it.”

Long legs leading up to a slammin’ body and fiery red hair in the form of my girlfriend passed Brian as he went back inside. She wrapped her arms around me, her tongue slipping around near my ear, I grinned at her. Ahh, this was nice. Let the confusion be on hold. I get off on her wanting to be naughty like this. I admit it.

“Miss me?”

“Let’s ditch this place…”

“Babe you know I can’t do that…”

“You should.” Ooh biting. She’s making this hard. Literally.

“I’m sorry, I can’t. We got work to do.”

“Well then I’m on my way out, some friends thought we can all to the club, I just wanted your company.” She pouted, pursing those sexy dark red lips of hers. Damn. I kissed them, wishing I didn’t have to work, cause she’s teasing the hell out of me.

“Go have fun.”

She smiled and blew me a kiss as she headed off into a little red T-bird, (the new ones) as it pulled up for her. How‘d it get here so fast? Guess she figured I’ d say no and told ‘em to come by when they called her. Ah well. I headed back inside; glad work can take some harder thoughts away, and some confusing ones. What the hell did Brian mean anyway?

Damn that holy man.


**********


I came inside, looking around for Sebastian who I knew had to be somewhere. “Devi?” I called out, glancing for any sign of him.

“In here…”

I stepped into the living room and he stared at me with those piercing blue-green eyes of his. He sighed, just gazing at me as I sat on my chair, tucking my notebook back into my pocket. “Look about earlier-”

“You realized what happened was stupid? Did that bastard hurt you? I don’t care how damn famous he is, I’ll kill him…”

Rolling my eyes, I raised my voice to grab his attention again. “No, he did nothing. God, I came here to apologize for fighting with you Devi, but geeze, let me get a word in.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, oh. But forget it, alright?”

“Lypsi stop. Look, sorry I exploded.”

I sigh and just kind of gaze at him. It’s hard to stay mad at him, really. And now he’s giving me those damn puppy dog eyes. GAH! “It’s cool, we’re cool. I swear on a case of red mountain dew.”

He chuckles. “Spiffy.”

“My word.”

“Stole it.”

Sebastian gave me a look after I remained quiet. We typically have a set playful banner with this type of conversation. He knew something was up. Great. Peachy keen even.

“You okay?”

“Deciding to stick with the lie that was placed on me earlier, my hands traveled to my stomach, staying upon the tie-dye shirt I wore as if I was having the worst tummy ache ever. Let’s see how my acting skills are.

“Just my tummy. It‘s been bothering me off and on all day.” Something has but it isn’t that, but I don’t really need to say it.

“You sure, I was thinking we could go out, grab Iz, go crazy like we used to.” I smiled only slightly at that idea. Darn guilt.

“Go. Fun. Do. Don’t let me spoil it.”

“You sure?” He hugged me against him. Oh boy. Guilt attack. But I needed to be by myself for once.

“Devi, I said go. No worries. Promise.”

Honestly, after dealing with the Miss Thang Nick calls a girlfriend I wanted the time alone. Needed it. Guess I was sick, sick of fakes anyway. Sick of dealing with crap just to be a friend with someone. That had come from Sebastian too. I forgave him for it, but still, it was on my mind. After he left, I headed into the family room, which was near the front door. Crawling on the very comfortable love seat, cuddling a pillow, I turned on the DVD player and the TV. Star Wars filled the screen. I let myself follow Anakin’s tragic tale, hoping to forget everything else.


****************


I’m standing at a door, with soup in my hand. Yes me. What am I doing here? Damn. This is stupid. I should go. Trace is still out at the club for any wondering. We got the tracks done and we’re supposed to have a meeting soon to start selecting. I forget when. Eh, Kevin will remind me. I should ring the doorbell before a random teenager, a random anyone, recognizes me. So here I am… with a bowl of soup, that I made! Ignore the bag it’s in labeled Quiznos! Aight, well it’s the thought okay. Finally I rang the doorbell. Her voice rang out loud and clear. Why was I here again? Oh, right, I felt bad and didn’t want to call because I figured I’d hang up. And she’s sick, so why not come by. This shy girl was my friend.

She came to the door decked out in some black and yellow batman pajamas, well it is Cally. She blinked and suddenly found her glasses interesting in her hands. “Nick, um hi, what are you doing here?”

I lifted the bag proudly. “I brought you soup…I made it.”

She released a chuckle as her hand went through that tousled golden hair. “Quiznos huh.”

I shrugged. “For me that’s making it.”

Then she realized I was still standing there and stepped aside so I could come in. I gave her a comforting smile as I set the soup on the coffee table and sat beside her where I could see the blanket and pillow where she must have been crashin’ on the couch. “How ya feeling.”

“Alright, look I wasn’t really sick; I just needed to think some things out alone. It was sweet of you to come down.”

“Hey, we’re friends. That’s what we do. People say I’m an ass but I ain’t. Not really.”

She picked up the soft yellow pillow, hugging it to herself. “You’re not an ass; you’re an artist, a musical one. People say I’m a future psychologist, a girl who makes bad decisions though.”

I rub her back soothingly. This girl needs it. Trust me. “And you ain’t, you’re an artist right now. The painter. Peeps say I make bad decisions too.”

Cally just fiddled with the fuzzy happy looking’ pillow in her hands. Pillows can look happy. What? They can. I ain’t crazy. I ain’t. Stop thinking I am. I wonder if pillows can look sad too, I guess they can… Aight anyway, so she kept playing with it.

“People are stupid. People are shallow, bitchy, controlling, stupid, mean, evil acting…just gah!” She exclaimed, from what I thought was nowhere as she threw that poor happy pillow at the ground a few feet away from us. “You’re supposed to be like that too, you’re famous. Why aren’t you? Everything would be easy if you were.”

“Um, cause I’m just me, heh and the world’s a bitch.”

“Yeah…I know.”


*********


Listening to Nick I felt a bit bad, bashing his girl in front of him. Don’t think he realized it though. I can’t believe I went off for a moment like that. I stared at the soup in front of me. “Thanks again for the soup. Sorry I blew just a sec ago.”

He waved it off, his ocean eyes impish. “Ain’t nothing Cally baby. I was just concerned about ya.” Nick pulled me close to him, hugging me against him. “You’re special.” He said softly then.

“Special huh.”

“Yeah special, I mean it…”

“Do ya?” I question, my face tilting back to gaze up at him, our eyes meeting.

“You don’t just call someone that and not mean it. Trust me Cally, you’re special…” Then, well you won’t believe it. His voice had grown softer, along with his gaze as his face got closer to mine. He leaned in, and well… our lips met and for a moment, all the crap we dealt with today was out the window. It was a few minutes later, when we finally pulled away, that this never been kissed before girl realized what happened. (If I had been kissed before, peck or otherwise, it wasn’t like THAT)

Holy shit. Yes I’m cursing. Nick just kissed me. Me and Nick kissed.

Jezel my bezels! Oh my Lordie. I kissed Nick. We kissed. Nick and I.

Nick who has a girlfriend.

And kissed me.

Just now.

Oh…boy.

“Just Another Day”

Chapter 16: You Did What?

I just did what I think I did right? You know, kissed another girl, cheated on my girl, leading my friend on. I did that didn’t I? Or am I dreaming it.

And now she’s staring at me in shock with those damn baby blues of hers. That helped get me into this. Right. I ain’t imagining it?

Well shit.

This was wrong, knew it upfront. Don’t know why I did it. Lying again. Actually, I did know. Now if anyone heard this, they’d think I’m a huge ass. I wanted to. Don’t know why, maybe because Cally was different than my own world. Refreshing. Maybe cause Trace pissed me off when she slapped me. Or cause it felt so easy to talk to her and I kinda slipped into it. I ain’t sure. I ain’t sure what to do now either. Apologize? I ain’t sorry. Break up with Trace? I’m not sure if I wanna do that either. Date Cally? No.

“Um Nick…”

I glance over at her sitting before me. She was turning red a bit as she talked. Aw. “Yeah?”

“I can’t do this…”

I blinked. Okay, she’s deciding this? Holy Hell.

“I mean, you have a girlfriend, who you care about. I don’t want to be why you cheat on her. If you were I mean, and I know…I know that that was a mistake. I…so no worries, we can forget that happened.”

I stayed quiet. Did she just say what I think she said? Wow… I didn’t expect that. Aight I said I didn’t wanna date Cally too. But damn. I didn’t expect that out of her okay? For her to turn me down. Not that I was makin’ an offer. It gave me an out, which I admit, I kinda needed. So, I took it. I nodded. “Yeah…I’m sorry about that Cally. I didn’t mean to.” Lame. Hella lame.

She just nodded with a soft smile. “It’s okay, I know.”

I stood as she did as well, giving her a hug, feeling her body fit snugly against my own. I felt guilty aight? My nose took another long sniff of that mango smell. Wonder if it’s that Victoria secrets stuff that Tracy uses. Nah, Cally’s low key. “I’ll take off” I told her. I felt weird. Very weird.

“Sure, thanks again for the soup; it was pretty spiffy of you.”

“I’ll see ya?”

She grinned a bit, making me feel less guilty about the cheating and leading her on thing. “Yeah, you know the number.”

With that, I walked out the door. But I ain’t going to the hotel. I’m going to my apartment and getting away from women. Nothing but trouble I tell ya. Tomorrow, I’m doing what I should have done earlier. Forget the holy man’s advice.

I’m going to AJ.


************

Isabel ended up at my house that night. She stayed over when she and Sebastian came back. It was a fun night actually. Nice and all distract-y. While Sebastian was sleeping in the living room, we went off into the family room where he couldn’t hear us or wake up. I knew she’s been wanting to talk to me. She beamed, her russet eyes of her sparkling as her soft coffee locks fell about her sweet oval shaped face.

“So, how’d it go with Nick…?”

Now, should I tell her? I needed the advice, so yes, I should.

I took a breath in sharply. “Well…we hung out, I went to school, went to a recording session-”

“Oh my gawd! So did you hear any songs, what are the other 4 guys like? Did you-”

I laughed, grabbing her hand to stop her. “Iz, Iz, stop. I didn’t stay long, his girlfriend was there too and we had a not fun chatty chat. She told Brian I was sick, I played along-”

She looked at me like I was absolutely insane. Seriously. “Girl, now why did you let her win?”

Rolling my eyes I responded. “Well she is his girlfriend. You know I’m not one for drama…”

“But you SO like him! That’s the guy who you talked about before Sebby came to town right?”

“Yeah it was him-”

“So you do like him! I can‘t believe you actually could date a celebrity.” A very loud squeal escaped and I had to lunge over to cover her mouth so my overprotective sleeping like a bear friend wouldn’t wake up and hear.

“Shh! Anyway, he came over after y’all went out and brought soup since he thought I was sick.”

“Oooh Cally, did you tell him about what happened?”

At this I look away. I kind of wish I did now, but it might have gone worse had I done it. I don’t know. Really, I don’t. This whole thing is confusing as hell. And I just, well I know I don’t know. Does that make sense?

“No, but we talked…”

I saw her eyes blaze, my friend Iz, she’s got more fight than I do. What can I say? “You should have told him!”

Then, I blurted the rest of it out. Well this was the part that was confusing me! I needed an answer darn it! “He kissed me.”

Now, if you have ever seen a cartoon, which I am positive, you have… Have you ever seen when the cartoon character’s eyes bug out as something is about to happen or they’re shocked or love struck? I think they knew Izzy, because I swear the look on her face when I told her Nick kissed me looked EXACTLY like them.

“You…You kissed Nick Carter!?” She almost shouted until I had to cover her mouth again.

“Shh you’re gonna wake Devi.”

“You kissed him. You kissed him! Oh my gawd, you kissed Nick Carter, of Flames of Ice…do you know how big this is?!”

I roll my eyes at her excitement. Maybe it’s because I know Nick better now. But he’s just…Nick. Brian is just Brian. Guess it’s all about perspective. “It’s not big…just confusing. He kissed me, and well we-okay I, decided it was a mistake and he agreed and so we’re still friends.”

At this she grabbed my shoulders, shaking me back and forth. Laughing I flung a pillow at her to get her to finally quit it. Success! “You’re insane!”

“He has a girlfriend Iz; I’m not going to be why he cheats.”

“What if he dumped her?”

I shrugged then, my hands playing with the fabric of my pajama bottoms. I honestly had no idea if Tracy was out of the way. I mean I’m friends with him now, and look at the chaos. I know I just said he’s only Nick but, it’d be even crazier if I dated him. Not to mention my parents would pop a lobe just thinking of that idea. “I don’t know, I don’t think so.”

She smirked as she leaned back against the pillows, scratching her arm. “Then why are you confused?”

I blinked. Well that was a good question. “Because… well this was my first kiss…”

“And it was from NICK CARTER. So, how was it? Spill.”

I felt my cheeks grow warm. I had enjoyed it. It felt, I don’t know, electric? Right? Hard to find words, maybe cause I don’t have much experience. Gah. I knew I was getting bright red at this point. “It…it was nice.”

She squealed again, at least it was quieter this time. I couldn’t help but giggle at her. She was more excited than I was, and I was the one in this chaos. “So, you should totally nab him. Sebby ain’t gonna like this one bit, but hey, he had his chance.”

An eyebrow rose at her. What? “What do you mean?”

She shrugged. “He used to wanna date you when you were still both at Centennial high. Never said anything cause he thought you put him in a big bro role. I think he still does, but knows you still haven’t forgiven the New York thing. It explains the whole him not liking Nick at first sight thing.”

“Are you serious?” Ok, now, why didn’t I know this before? Would have made my life simpler. She is right about NYU, I keep trying to forgive it, yet I still have some angry feelings hidden about that.

“Yep…” She grinned again. “But you like Nick. So, you need to win him over.”

“I am not going to try and steal Nick!”

“Trust me; from the sounds of it, you won’t have to.”

I toss another pillow at her. Izzy, nice girl, great friend, but stubborn as heck and doesn’t take my hints. Lordie. “We’re friends, and nothing can change my mind on that.” So I said. I sounded convincing right? It’s like I wanted something I knew I shouldn’t have, shouldn’t try. So ignoring any semblance of my heart and it‘s thoughts, I listened to my mind. My very rational mind. Nick had a girlfriend. Nick had a crazy life. I was a simple girl who goes unnoticed by the world generally. So we’d be friends. Nothing more.


*****************

“Bro, you kissed her?”

I nodded as I flopped on the lay-z-boy Jay had in his living room. His house freaked me out. All the Goth style stuff. He had a damn confessional in his house. That’s not normal. AJ ain’t normal. The chair I was sitting in was one of the few normal things he had. His dinner table looks like it belongs in an episode of the Adams Family.

Jay’s creepy and he’s kooky…a house mysterious and spooky…he’s all together ooky…it’s Aaaa-jaaaay McLean… da da da da! Snap Snap…da da da da…snap snap…da da da da, da da da da, da da da da…snap snap… What? I think this would be a great theme song.

“Nick? Yo ya there…”

Oops. “Yeah I kissed her. Trace doesn’t know.”

“You wanna stay with Trace.”

“Duh.”

He drummed his fingers against the chair he was in. The guy paints his fingernails black. Actually, he has them done. Manicures and pedicures. Telling ya, he ain’t normal. “Then don’t tell her. Why’d ya kiss this Cally then? She’s cute in that teddy bear way… not my type, and not yours either man.”

I shrugged. I still had no idea. “Seemed like a good idea at the time man.” Heh, true enough.

Reaching over to grab his tea, he sipped it thoughtfully. Back in the day it used to be a beer or a bottle of Jack Daniels. He used to actually have a dog named after the drink. Not anymore, since rehab, the Jay we used to know is back. Odd, a bit crazy, sex obsessed (what man isn’t), but pretty damn smart in some weird sense. AJ’s, well AJ’s hard to explain a lot of the time. But, what’s fun is to tease about the hair penis he has. Aight, I know that sounds weird. Crazy. Gay even. The man is balding after he dyed it every color of the rainbow and then some. And the hairline is weird. What hair is left, looks like a peen. I ain’t lying. He should just shave it off. I think he thinks if he does, he knows it ain’t coming back. Hehe, so it’s fun.

“So you snogged this girl and you have no idea why?”

Snogged? What the hell is snogged? Or snogging?! “I didn’t screw her man! What the fuck is snog? It means sex right?”

I hated when he laughed at my expense. It’s a good question! Do you know what snog means?! Didn’t think so. Okay so I’m asking my own brain this. Not the point! No one would know what snog meant!

“It‘s kissing. Dude, as much as we’re in Europe, you didn’t know that?”

Who the hell outside out of Europe would know snog? I mean, I bet half of them in Europe don’t even know it. So there. Guess its some European thing. Not that Europeans are different in a bad way. They aren’t. Snog is just a hella weird word that only AJ would use. Yep. That’s it.

“I knew that, just seeing if you knew man.” Uh huh. Yep, that’s believable right?

A snicker forced me to shoot a mini-glare at him. I’m good at those. “Serious man, you don’t know why?”

“If I knew why I wouldn’t be here trying to figure that out baldy.”

He tilted down the shades he wore to give me a Kevin look. A look I never thought could be duplicated with brown eyes. I always thought only green ones can look all reproachful and lecture type. Yes he wore his sunglasses in his house, when it’s just me and him. I told you, AJ is AJ. I like that about him actually. But shhhhh! He‘d never let me forget it if he knew. “Man, I think you know why. Hell date em both.”

Is he insane? “Are you fucking nuts?”

“Seems like you want both.”

“I don’t want both.”

“So why you all snoggy with another girl?”

“Didn’t you ask me this? Is snoggy a word?”

“I told you what snog meant.”

“Yes, snog. Not snoggy. You made that up.”

He smirked. “My ass is cooler and can do that.”

“Who made you king of ass coolness? You don’t even have an ass!”

“I do so have an ass, and it’s cooler than your dumb ass.”

“My ass is cool, not dumb. Yours is nonexistent.”

He laughed. “Ooh nonexistent, nice. Have you been staring at my ass to know? Nick, I thought you didn’t like backdoor. Don’t start trying to grab my ass now. My ass is cool and popular.”

I flipped him off, and of course he laughed more. Ass. “You don’t have an ass to grab, and no one would want to. That’s why you were born without one, to save us all.”

“That didn’t make sense.”

“In Nickopolis it did.”

“Nick-where?” He shook his head. “Never mind.”

“You haven’t helped at all man.” I rubbed the back of my neck. I need new band mates I think.

He laughed, rubbing the shinier part of his balding head. I am so glad I have hair. Never fall out! Okay hair? Never! “You expected me to?”

Again, duh. Did I say Jay was smart? Never mind.

“Well yeah.”

“You’re shit outta luck man. Not to sound all cliché and shit, but the only one who can help with this snoggy situation is you or that Cally chick.”

Oh, gee thanks AJ. Really.

That night, I went back to the hotel, crawling in bed besides Tracy. She was already sleeping in the bed, naked and looking sexy as all hell. I didn’t say a word about what happened. It was nothing remember? Calypso and I decided that. Besides, one doesn’t think much about talking when that sexy redhead beside me wakes up and wants a little exercise in the bed. Sex burns 60 calories ya know. And it’s the best thing ever of course.

And fans on LiveDaily think I don’t watch my weight.

“Just Another Day”

Chapter 17: Helpless When She Smiles

I hate it when people try to push me around. I also don’t like it when I let it happen. Yeah I let it happen. My parents are coming back in two days by the way. In case you haven’t been keeping track. At least I haven’t been found by any paparazzi people or made tabloids. I guess that’s a good. Sebastian and I have been hanging more. I guess since Nick hasn’t been around he has no reason to tell me I’m being stupid. He doesn’t know about the kiss. We’d only fight anyway. So I was in my room as he got ready. We’re on our way to get Iz; I’m skipping class today, so is she. We’re going to the arcade. We’re weird, and sometimes the best way to escape those annoying adult pressures is to play video games of course.

As I waited, I was on my outdated cell phone, in my comfy bean bag chair. A blank canvas was before me, begging to be painted. Not today. Maybe I’ll paint later. I listened to it.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

I called his apartment first. Got the answering machine. “Yo whazzap this is Nick, I ain’t here so you know, you know what to do… beep! Nah just playin.” Then it beeped. I hung up, not wanting to leave a message. So I tried his cell phone.

Ring.

Ring.

Then I heard a click. Yay, someone answered. “Hello?” Great. A snooty, bored female voice. I’ll give ya two chances to guess. Of course it’s Tracy. Does she have that damn phone super glued to the stick in her behind? She’s been the only one answering it lately.

“Is Nick there?”

“Calypso, I told you, I have Nicky wrapped. He doesn’t want to talk to you.”

Liar! “Can’t he tell me that then? Just give him the phone.”

“He’s not interested.” Bull crap witch.

I wanted to tell her otherwise. I didn’t want to break them up. I didn’t want to pursue anything. But you know what? It would have been really satisfying to tell her that he had kissed me. Fluke though it was, and I knew it. It would have made Tracy turn as red as her hair. That would be a nice reward. Wow I sound mean there. “Look can’t you just tell him I called.”

“I do every time, but he is not interested.” Click. Dial tone. Yeah, right she’ll tell him. I’m the big celebrity instead of Nick too. And pigs fly on Tuesdays.

“Cally, you ready?” I hear my friend call, peeking in, wearing just a wife beater and a pair of black jeans. Simple looking, crazy acting. Me, I just pulled a random band t-shirt out and some bell bottoms. Can’t pull off that whole skinny jean thing. Not that I care about style, I’m just stuck seeing it in every store. Hey my shirt’s a Beatles shirt. My Yellow Submarine one. Yay me.

Yeah I’m excited about my shirt. I haven’t worn it in a while thank you very much. I nod at my friend, pocketing the cell phone. Maybe by some chance he’ll check his caller id? Unless Tracy deletes the number. Darn. I shouldn’t care so much anyway. The girlfriend hates me, he’s a good friend but drama follows him worse than crazy people with cameras.

I hopped into the back of the decked out Volkswagen van. I love this car. I’d so buy it for myself if it wasn’t already Sebastian’s. So out we went, picking up Izzy of course. Off to the arcade we go!

Now if I could get the musician off my mind I’d be happier. It’d also help if the darn radio Sebastian had on wasn’t talking about their coming album. So I called again, I had let Izzy sit up front. Sometimes I feel like an outsider to the world, looking in but not part of it. I live my life as much to the fullest as I feel comfortable in my shell. If that makes sense. Still, it’s like everyone else is part of the world and not me.

Ringing again.

“Hello Calypso.”

Tracy again. Oh joy and rapture.

“Trace, who is it?” I heard Nick ask in the background.

“Sorry, no one is interested.” Click. Damn her. I put the phone away, as my friend glanced at me curiously. The male friend driving of course. I just smiled. The back was hooked up pretty well. See I had been the one who designed this thing. It had a modern retro feel. Shag carpet, a TV plugged in to a mini-generator Devi had found. No beads, instead a blue curtain I put yellow splashes of paint on. If I had my way I would have had a lava lamp in here. He had said no. So instead I had one of those ten dollar disco balls that are have like red, yellow, green and blue lights, running on batteries and latched onto the ceiling of the car. Not much had changed as I sat in the comfy seats Devi never did let me change. Only difference was he had hung a poster or two up. And the disco ball was gone. Bummer.

Izzy saw me and I guess she caught the look as the DJ went on about the new Flames of Ice album. Cause the station changed. To some boy band. Great. Now see I liked some of the older ones. New ones not so much. Though one of the voices sounded familiar.

“But this time, without crying, as she got into her car, she said… No, 'Happily Never After'… That just ain't for me. Because finally, I know, I deserve better, after all (ooooh)…I'll never let another teardrop fall."

Hey, not bad. Guess my pop loves can be current and not all 90’s based when they want to be.

“And that was the latest single from Aaron Carter…” Oh it wasn’t a boy band. Wait, wasn’t that Nick’s little brother? He had said he sang pop music. Wow, he sounds a lot like Nick. Yeah that’s helping my mind not focus on the evil Tracy.

Guess this was another sign to give it all up. Better start listening Calypso Lynn Rayne.

Better start listening.

************

“Trace who was that?”

“Telemarketer” She chirped as I was trying to get my pants on and walk towards her at the same time. We were releasing the single today now that we had the songs recorded and picked. There were a few final mixes that had to be done, but the music was ready. We picked a single too heh. One I wrote actually. Just before the last recording session we had the other day; I penned this song, got truly inspired and wrote like hell in my notebook. We had a few radio interviews we had to do today. Releasing the single and all. Here’s where my life is going to get crazy again. Can’t say I didn’t miss it. I wish Cally called though. Yeah I said it. I keep thinking I scared the shit outta her when we kissed. I didn’t mean to. If she called then I’d know and feel better. Maybe I should call her and not be a chicken shit.

“Lemme see my phone.”

She came up behind me, her fingernails running down my spine as I looked around for my shirt. “Mmm how come.”

“So I can make a call.”

Her lips grazed my neck just enough to tease the hell out of me. “To who?”

“A friend.”

Immediately she pulled away. Damn. I was starting to enjoy that. “Is it Cally?”

I should be honest. Lying will only get me in deep shit right? “Yeah.” Either I’m right or I’m an idiot.

“I don’t think you should be talking to her.”

Idiot. Beeeeep! Wrong answer Nick! “How come?”

“I think she’s using you. I don’t like the idea of her with you is all.”

Cally? She ain’t the type. Uh oh. Her spidey jealous senses are a tingling. Time to go into satisfy girlfriend and do what I want at the same time battle mode! Cause I ain‘t doing anything wrong here. Really. “I don’t think she is babe, but if you want, I guess we can hang out less if it bothers you so much.”

Ooh kisses. And hands, hands in new places! Well not new. But it felt like it. “Thanks Nicky.”

I wish she didn’t use Nicky as a pet name heh. Finally I find the shirt and we head out. Me to meet up with the fellas, and she was going out to lunch with a friend who said might be able to hook her up with a new job. Guess Brian was right, time to re-evaluate the relationships. I think Cally and I just don’t work in my twisted ass world.

Can’t blame a guy for trying though.

***********

In the arcade, I was doing good, playing against Sebastian in a game of DDR. I’m not a good dancer, but the game is easy. Izzy was laughing and acting all cheerleader and valley girl on us. I grinned as I kept my eyes on the screen, ignoring the cheers. Sebastian sent me that little smirk of his, thinking he’d beat me of course. Music was playing loudly above the game noises in the arcade. Really I was dancing to that more than the game. That was until I heard Nick’s voice blaring through the speakers. Guess this was their new song. I wish Tracy wasn’t so evil. Now is not the time for thinking that. Things happen, so listen to your rational mind. Ignoring it, we continued playing. My attention lost though, I lost the game. So not fair.

“Hey, come Lypsi, let’s get some pizza. I’ll buy.” Iz had gone with some guy she knew from Centennial. She attracts boys like bees to honey. I told you how unfair that was. You see my love life? Even with the slight bumps on that otherwise overly smooth road, it was pathetic.

“I’ll catch a ride with Shawn!” She called out at us as we headed out to Devi’s car. I glanced at my friend beside me. Well, with information from Isabel, this felt weird. It felt like a setup. Lordie now I sound paranoid. We climbed in the car and I turned on the radio. I heard Brian’s voice and turned it up. It was some interview with the band. Sebastian didn’t make the connection, driving contentedly.

I could hear my best friend talking, but really I was paying more attention to the sound coming from the radio before us.

“Brian, what inspired you to write this? This song seems more personal than your past ones.”

“All of our songs come from our own experiences. Actually, Nick wrote this one.”

I could hear him cough nervously and a tiny smile flitted upon my face.

“I wrote this song maybe a day before our last recordin session dawg. I just, got hella inspired and wrote like I was bout to die. The guys loved it, we laid down the track and here we are.”

“This song sounds like it was meant for someone, was it.”

“I ain’t sure man. Things are always changing in my life, so that song coulda been inspired by anything. I write what I feel, what I know.”

“Okay listeners here it is again. Helpless When She Smiles by Flames Of Ice. This is Frankie at the lunch box, where you hear the music first.”

“Cally, anything you craving pizza wise?”

“Any place is cool, I’m not picky.” I replied as the haunting notes in the beginning of the tune began to play.

She keeps her secrets in her eyes
She wraps the truth inside her lies
Just when I can’t take what she’s done to me
She comes to me
Leads me back to paradise
She’s so hard to hold
But I cant let go

I’m a house of cards in a hurricane
A reckless ride in the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain is all I wanna feel
She'll dance away just like a child
She drives me crazy, drives me wild
But I’m helpless when she smiles
(oh when she smiles)
(she smiles)

Maybe I’d fight it if I could
(maybe id fight it if I could)
It hurts so bad it feels so good
She opens up just like a rose to me
When she’s close to me
Anything she'd ask me to I would
It’s out of control
But I can't let it go

I’m a house of cards in a hurricane
A reckless ride in the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain is all I wanna feel
She danced away just like a child
She drives me crazy, drives me wild
But I’m helpless when she smiles

(when she smiles)
When she looks at me
(when she looks at me)
I get so weak

I’m a house of cards in a hurricane
A reckless ride in the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain is all I wanna feel
She'll dance away just like a child
She drives me crazy drives me wild
But I’m helpless when she smiles

oh when she smiles
When she smiles
When she smiles
When she smiles

When she smiles

“Cally…”

“Cally!”

“Oh, yeah?” I replied, the daydream instigated by the song fresh in my mind.

“We’re here.”

I nodded, shaking myself out of the reverie. “Oh, Spiffy.”


************


I had crashed in the bed of my girlfriend’s hotel room later on. Maybe I should just let her stay in my place. I had done this thinking she’d be going back to Vegas soon. But since she quit I guess not now. I was tired but I wanted to go out. Tracy had already done that, came back drunk off her ass. Then we had fun wild crazy drunk sex till she fell asleep. Now I wanted to go out, but I didn’t want to wake her. I ain’t cold hearted. So I tried some friends. Jay was out with Mandy/Candy/Sandy whatever his off and on girl is called. Brian didn’t answer, which meant sex with his wife. Howie didn’t answer. That meant sex with his girl. Kevin didn’t answer, which meant Kristen was giving him a ride cause he answers even if he is busy and then gets hella mad at me. Chris I think was out. Bean was out of the hospital but was takin’ it easy. Didn’t blame him.

I have other celebrity numbers heh, but I wasn’t in a mood to be fake. I just pick a number, not looking at all. Anything was better. And I listened to it ring. It was about 2:30 in the morning. People could be sleepin’ too I guess. I’m a night owl myself.

“You say goodbye but I say hello, hello hello?” Shit, I called Cally? Damn. What’s she doing up?

“Um hey.” Yeah that’s smooth Carter.

“Um, hi…um…what’s up?”

What do you say to a girl that’s been avoiding you? Heh, well I was bored and antsy. “You wanna go clubbin’? I’m bored and seeing if I can find someone to go.”

“That’s not really my thing. You know that.”

That’s right I did. She’s that low key girl that you didn’t know existed if you grew up in the Hollywood so called glamour that I did. Lame again Nick. “Sorry, I forgot.” Oh that sounded good.

“Hey, I have an idea, come by and pick me up.”

“What are we doing?”

“You’ll see, just bring a radio with you, ok?”

She caught my attention. “Aight, and we’re doing what?”

“I said you’ll see. Nothing all psycho, I swear, on a case of the almighty red mountain dew.”

I chuckle; well it was better than trying to watch TV. “Aight see ya in a few.”

“Toodles!”

One of a kind that girl.

************

So Nick picked me up in his Cadillac about twenty minutes later. I was actually waiting by my door since it was so late and I didn’t want to wake Sebastian. It was actually fun earlier, we talked and it felt like old times. But yet it didn’t. Because it wasn’t. Everything changed and it felt nice but weird at the same time. I’m pretty sure he’d get mad I’m going out to hang with Nick. But it’s my life. “Which way?”

“Oh, um right.”

We’d been driving for about thirty minutes now. So it was about three in the morning. But I knew where to go. It was a decent distance outside of the city. I smiled as we got closer to our destination.

“Okay, we’re here.” Once out of the car I hopped out with the backpack I brought with me. He stepped out as well, and I knew he was wondering why we were here. “You brought the radio right?”

He nodded; producing a small battery powered CD player… that was ipod adaptable? Okay, I want to be rich. I can’t even get a car. “What are we doing here?”

“I thought we’d chill, snack, jam to music and do some star gazing. This hill is far enough outta LA the glare from the stars isn’t as bad. I ride the bus up here a lot.” I pulled out the blankets, lying them out on the plant glittered desert. Followed soon by a few cds and some food of course. I brought a big backpack.

He sat beside me as I popped in a mix cd. Old and new music. “You’re into star gazing and shit.”

“It’s relaxing. Sometimes I bring a sketchbook and a Discman and just escape. Get away from school, my friends, my family. And just… be you know?”

“Sounds nice.”

I just smiled at him. “You should try it more. People don’t recognize you here. You can just be you.”

“I dunno if I can do that. Can you?”

“I don’t know, but I feel like I can up here. It feels even spiritual.”

He smirked, as I leaned against him, munching on some skittles. “Brian would dig that.”

“Maybe not, he doesn’t know my religious views.”

“I don’t believe in God, and he knows that.”

I raise a brow at him. “Or you do but don’t want to?”

“Heh, the first one.” His finger tails around in the dust of the earth, as the stars twinkle peacefully above us in the black velvet sky.

“I don’t believe in the bible. My family’s pretty religious too. I think we’re born for reasons and if we don’t accomplish em we try again. Reincarnation. I don’t buy all these certain values or traits get you into heaven. It’s if you have a good soul and learn through your lives here.”

He looked at me with surprise in those deep blues he owned. Guess he didn’t expect that from me. “You really believe that Cally Baby.”

“Your spirit never dies ya know? That’s why I never wanna be buried if I die. It could trap it, or, who’d want to be a spirit and have a body to remind you of how you went? I want my body to be free, spread out in ashes on the wind.” I paused, seeing where I was leading the conversation. Most people can’t take this side of me. “I never talk about this cause my fam wants to deny I believe this, that I’m some good Christian girl and all who sees the bible as truth and not as a story man wrote I guess. Sorry.”

“It’s aight, that’s pretty deep.”

“I guess. I really believe that.”

“You are some kind of special Cally. Some kind of special.”

I just gave him a smile, a sincere one. Those ones I said in the very beginning because I know they look fake? One of those. It felt nice. “Heard your song on the radio…”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah…you write that for Tracy?” Why am I saying this? Am I as nutty as nutter butter? Those are good by the way if you’ve never had them.

He scratched the back of his neck, his gaze leaving mine. “Nah, we haven’t been datin’ long ‘nough. I ain’t sure why I wrote it. It just came to me a few days after those damn paps stalked us. I didn’t finish it till two days ago.”

“It’s a good song.” I turned off the cd and tuned in the radio, and laughed when the opening notes to the song started up. “And all over radio looks like. Wanna sing it.”

Nick laughed, as I pushed some hair out of his eyes before he had the chance to. “Sing it why.”

I wasn’t sure. “Please?”

Chuckling he took a breath and started singing along. Yet, there was a funny look in his eyes I couldn’t place. I said nothing of it. “Just when I can’t take what she’s done to me…She’s comes to me, Leads me back to paradise. She’s so hard to hold, but I can’t let go. I’m a house of cards in a hurricane…A reckless ride in the pouring rain…”

Nick gave me a smile right then. One of those dazzling, irresistible Carter smiles as he continued to sing. And I could tell his was sincere too. I had to look away. “Thanks.”

Lying back on the blanket we watched the stars. And once again, I felt safe.

“ Drives me crazy, drives me wild…But I’m helpless when she smiles…when she smiles…”

“Just Another Day”

Chapter 18: Blind But Now I See

We drove back at about five in the morning. Calypso glanced back at me as she yawned. I was fighting like all hell not to yawn as I drove. “Sorry if I bored ya. I just thought a night of us just relaxing and talking away from it all would be cool.”

It hadn’t been bad actually. “It was nice Cally baby. So I’m dropping you back off at your house or you wanna just crash at my place so you don’t wake anyone as you go in.”

“Um…don’t matter…” she mumbled, her eyes closing slowly.

“Aight.“

I drove my way back to the city, and to my apartment. I got out of the car, went to open it for her and found her fast asleep in the seat. Picking her up, I carried her in, smiling at how peaceful she looked. Couldn’t help it. It’s kind of cute to watch her sleeping. I shifted the weight, going upstairs and somehow managing to get my keys, unlock the door, and carry her in without her waking or falling. Oh yeah, I’m hella talented! For a moment I watched her, as I held in some more of those damn yawns.

“I know from Brian you have people who care about you. and I want to be one of them”

This girl was something else and a new type in my life. Guess I didn’t know how to deal with it heh. But since I met her, I’ve been guessing.

“I believe you’re not the person you think you are, you’re better.”

“How do you know that?”

“Call it instinct.”

My thoughts kept wandering like hella crazy. I don’t think it was ADHD, for once anyway heh. Speaking of which, I took my pill, knowing it was time to. My thoughts were going fucking insane, but it wasn’t cause of that. Don’t hurt to try and make sure that shit don’t make it worse though. I sat in a chair by the couch as she continued to sleep, my eyes looking at the carpet. I could hear my Iguana (yes they’re freakin’ awesome), Babyface, wandering around in my room.

“Hi Nick, I’m um, I’m Cally and Brian called…um saying you needed help babysitting? Um yeah…I had thought he would answer…” her eyes stare at the ground now. Wait THIS was Calypso? Damn. Just Damn. She looks like the free spirit I guessed her to be from talking with her. I noticed a few spots of paint on her overalls, from her painting I bet. Yes overalls, and she looked adorable.

Thinking back I guess this girl stood out to me from the get go. She was everything I know the world wasn’t supposed to be. I was dating the kind of girl who the world expected me to date. Legs that go on forever, sex when she walks, cocky, and knows exactly who’s she’s dating and what she knows she “should” get from me because of it.

“And Cally ran because fame scared her along with expensive gifts?”

I blinked, surprised. Fuck. He had a point. Damn that Brian. Gets me every damn time. “Yeah...guess so...”

“Nick, not telling you how to live your life, but here is a free piece of advice. Keep this friend, she’s rare. I’ll see you at the studio.”

Had Brian seen this shit before I did? Holy shit. Damn that holy man.

The wind began to pick up, giving a chill in the air. I ignored it. As I pull out my cell phone though, I saw the strangest car drive down the highway and pull to a stop. A navy blue VW van, with carefully placed splashes of baby blue painted on it. Someone hopped out of it and came over, and I couldn’t help but give a small smile as I recognized the pretty girl before me.

Calypso.

Twice she saved me. Had she realized she did? Fuck it sounds clichéd and I feel like a gay sap saying it or thinking it but she did. She did it without asking anything from me. That never happens. Someone helps me and I usually have to pay ten times over through the damn backend with no vaseline to soften the blow.

“You’re shit outta luck man. Not to sound all cliché and shit, but the only one who can help with this snoggy situation is you or that Cally chick.”

Holy shit, AJ had been right. Never tell him that. I’m takin’ that to the grave with me. I should be getting some short amount of Z’s anyway cause I have an ass load of interviews tomorrow with the guys. Eh, oh well. Same questions every interview. They would ask how I got inspired for the song. Heh, I didn’t know where I got the inspiration from.

Or did I?

*****************

Waking up in a strange place is always weird. Yeah I’ve been here before but, I don’t even remember coming here. Last was me and Nick, stargazing and chatting. And eventually getting Nick to sing a bit. I stretched a bit as I climbed off the couch. I heard something tap against the small table beside it as I got up and examined my charm bracelet, which had hit it slightly as I gotten up. Yeah, I still wore it. I liked it was all. Also, Nick just, had this way of making me feel, well extraordinary and not a freak or weirdo like I normally feel. That I was what he’s been calling me, special. Speaking of him, Nick was napping in the chair and I giggled to myself as my cell phone rang.

Devi’s Cell flashed across the small screen. Glancing at the clock I groaned to myself. 10 AM. He’s wondering where the heck I am. I headed into the small kitchen so Nick wouldn’t wake up.

“I’m Supergirl and I’m here to save the world…” I’m running out of ways to answer the phone.

“Lypsi? Jesus, where are you? I’ve been trying to call since 8.”

Oops. “I’m at a friends, I went out last night, and ended up crashing at their place. Sorry, forgot to leave a note and all.”

“It’s okay, where are you?”

“Um, Nick’s…”

Here it comes. I held the phone away from my ear. Yep, angry rants. I set the phone aside, let him talk to air… was that an Iguana I just saw scampering across the kitchen? More tired than I thought… And he kept on ranting. I checked out the fridge. Maybe I could try cooking, if I wasn’t horrible at it anyway. Nick’s phone rang and I answered his cell without thinking. Not my smartest move.

“Nicky?”

Oh it’s Tracy. So, I know I’m better than getting back at her. I know it would be wrong. I don’t like being mean to people, I really don’t.

But I am human, so I did something I never do. I was mean. “I’m sorry, your call cannot be completed at this time…please try again…”

“Who is this? Is this who I-Oh! I am SO going to-” Click. Better. I could have been worse right? So yeah.

My own phone was still going. I think Sebastian still thought I was there. Love the boy, but he’s getting controlling, and I don’t know how to tell him. The phone rang again, and I answered again. Is it so wrong to get the urge to do that twice? “Do do do…your call has been disconnected at this-”

“Cally?”

Oops that was Brian! I laughed, feeling my cheeks turn red. “Um, hi Brian…”

I heard him laugh and felt a little less panicky anyway. “Is Nick there?”

“Sleeping.”

“We have a radio interview to get to soon, can you wake him and have him call me before 11?”

“Sure.” He wasn’t going to ask why I was answering Nick’s phone and why Nick was sleeping? I expected it.

“Bye hun.”

“Later Brian.” I hung up and went back to my phone finally, when I could hear Sebastian asking repeatedly if I was there.

“I’m here.”

“Did you hear me? Lypsi, where does Nick live so I can pick you up and teach him not to take advantage of you!”

“Oh lord, look I crashed here so I wouldn’t wake you last night. It’s nothing, I swear.”

“Your parents come back tomorrow.” I drummed my fingers against the counter with a sigh. My hair was a mess. I was a mess. And I hated when he did this to me.

“What does that have to do with anything.”

“Are you going to act like this when they’re back?”

“Act like what?”

“Like this shallow girl this Nick guy made you! It’s like you changed Calypso, you’re not the girl I remember sometimes.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing. I’ll talk to you later Devi.” I hung up then. I hated fighting with Sebastian, but it was like he couldn’t budge on this at all. It wasn’t fair. Then I felt a pair of eyes on me. My eyes skipped over to see Nick still in the armchair, but watching me with a weird look on his face. How long has he been awake? Did he hear what I did to Tracy? Why was he looking at me like that?

“Mornin Squishy. You keep looking at me like that though and I’m going to end up with the hebbie gebbies.”

“Sorry, and morning.” He seemed to come back to reality then. Still, that weird look stayed in those pretty eyes.

*********

I watched her, and I think she thinks I’m crazy for staring at her. I, well fuck, I ain’t trying to. I just, well I saw her. Aight I saw her this entire time but tried not to. Now I did, and damn. This girl meant more than I thought. I stood, and I ain’t sure what my fucked up mind was thinking. Stretching and listening to my back crack, she handed me my sidekick. “Brian called.”

“Shit, the radio interviews.”

“He said to call before 11.” She gave me a warm smile, and it was then I knew what I wrote that song we’ve released about. Guess it was hella obvious to everyone but my ass. Heh, well I am blonde like my fans say. I acted it for once.

“Thanks.” I felt hella weird. Strange. I wasn’t all sure what to do now. It’s like hell okay I know this, so now what?

“I would’ve cooked but I’m not much in a kitchen.” She said softly.

Too soft. I frowned, knowing something had happened to upset her. I went behind her, pulling her close. It felt good. I’ve been trying to pull away from this girl so damn much that gettin’ close was freakin’ great. “Hey, what’s up.”

She shrugged, being the one to pull away. “Just a bad phone call, I’m good.”

“Cally Baby, you know ya gotta stop listenin’ to those wanting to fuck with ya.”

She just kept her back to me. “Yeah well, I’m fine, spiffy even.”

I pulled her back to me, turning her towards me so I could look into her eyes again. They didn’t want to meet with mine. “Hey, I meant it, don’t let fuckers bring you down.” I had no idea what was said to her, but hell, I ain’t letting anyone do that. Then, I kissed her again. Aight? I had her in my arms, pulled her close, and tasted the sweetness of her lips. This time, we didn’t break apart. It continued for a few moments, and it felt so damn right. My arms snaked around, rubbing her back as we continued. Heh, finally we had to stop and come up for air. Cally just stared at me, backing away. I knew she enjoyed it. I know she did! I had been the one to stop. So why the fuck was she backing away, with the look of a frightened puppy in her eyes?

I reached out, touching her shoulder. She turned and stared at me. She was scared. But, why?

“Nick…”

“Cally, look I…”

“No, Nick, we can’t do this.”

What? “I think we can.”

She pulled away from me again, looking at anything but me. “No, Nick, you don’t get it. We can’t. You have a girlfriend! You’re a freaking famous rockstar!”

Shit, I forgot about Tracy. “I’m going to break it off with her. And I thought you didn’t care what I did for a livin’.”

“I don’t.”

“Then what does that have to freakin’ do with it.”

“Because…” She turned her back to me once more, wiping her glasses as she did. “I can’t fit in with your world.”

“I like that about you…”

“I don’t belong there. It’s easy for you to say we can make it work. It’s easy because my world is simpler than yours. Me? I’m this frumpy, unperfect, unpretty, college student who can’t get her own life together...and I’d have to try to fit in with this whole world of perfection. I can’t fit in there Nick. It’s hard enough being friends with you. So we can‘t!”

“We can’t, it’s that simple right?”

“Yeah it’s that simple, Lordie, I’M that simple! Your world isn’t!!”

“God Calypso! Can’t you see I like who you are! I hate the fake Hollywood bullshit! I can’t fucking see why you’re so unwilling to try this out.”

She turned to me, tears slowly filling her eyes. “Because I know it won’t work. And I’m not ready for some Happily Never After crap.” With that, she walked the door, slamming it behind her, and leaving a confused as fuck me behind.

**********

Immediately my cell phone came out. I dialed the first number that came to my mind.

“Hello?”

“Yeah Sebastian, can you come pick me up?”

“Calypso? What’s wrong.”

I sighed, wiping my eyes. I’m way too sensitive. “Just, please, pick me up. I’ll give you directions.”

“Alright, where are you?”

I walked down the street a ways from where Nick’s place was. I didn’t want anyone knowing exactly where he lived. Even after what just happened. Telling Sebastian where I was, I hung up, waiting for him to get here. I was doing the right thing. I knew it. Nick still had a girlfriend, and I don’t want him to have be the reason he cheated on her. Which he has already, twice now. I didn’t like being why he cheated on her. Nick is great, but cheating is wrong. Tracy’s also evil but it’s still wrong.

Besides, I’ve gotten glimpses of the life he lived. They would tear me to pieces. My parents would flip, almost nineteen or not. My life would change insanely. No privacy, having to face what people thought of me, in public no less. I hate change. Hate it. So this was best, really. As I saw the van pull up, I saw Nick walking up quickly. He was chasing me down? Why?

I couldn’t keep saying no to him. I didn’t have that kind of power. So, I did the one thing that would get him to stop it. My heart beat wildly, scared by what had happened, what I was doing… all of it. As Sebastian got out to see what was bothering me, I pulled him to me, and kissed him.

I felt nothing out of it really. Not like I had moments ago when Nick kissed me in his apartment. Still I did it. He never caught sight of Nick. But I did.

It was the look in his eyes that hurt the most.

But I did what I knew, had to be done.

Yet, if that’s true…

Why did that hurt so much just now?

“Just Another Day”

Chapter 19: Promises. Promises.

I went to Tracy’s the next day. I let work and the one promotional performance distract me from all that other shit yesterday. I think we were on Leno? I think. Cally kissing that friend of hers came as a blow. Hurt like a fucking bitch. I hated him anyway cause of the attitude the guy had when I stayed at Calypso’s. But, hell, she doesn’t have any sort of feelings for him. Fuck I know she doesn’t. She did it to hurt me. I ain’t stupid. Worked like a damn charm. I’m stubborn as all hell though heh. Can’t get rid of me that easy. Now that I now just what the hell I want, I’m gonna figure out a way to get it. Right now I’m stuck in this hard ass place and I’m gonna wiggle my big ass out of it if it kills me.

Jay knows the deal, and because the man can’t keep a secret, Brian, Kevin and Howie know too. Heh. I think they’re all shocked that I care this much, relationships and me never mix well. I think the longest one I had was London, and I was an idiot who saw her and thought there was more beyond the sex tape and controversy. Trust me, there isn’t.

I walked in the hotel room. Aight, facing the music now. Calypso had a point, I’ve been cheating on Tracy and that ain’t right.

“Nicky!” I hate being called Nicky! Howie does it too! Stupid short Puerto Rican man…he’s borderline midget you know…heheh. Just stand next to him. He thinks he’s so stealthy when he calls me Nicky too, when he wants to annoy me. Unlike Trace who announces it. I hate being called NICKY! Ahem anyways. Back to handling one screwed up situation at a time.

“Trace, we need to talk.”

*********

“Change the radio station Iz.”

“…She drives me crazy, drives me wild, but I’m helpless when she smiles…”

I was hiding at her place after what I did to Sebastian and Nick. How could I not? How did everything get so confusing? Yesterday when I kissed Sebastian, knowing Nick was watching…

I pulled away, regretting what I did. Seeing the look in my best friend’s eyes. He stood for a moment, shocked. I couldn’t blame him. I wasn’t exactly acting like myself today.

“Lypsi…”

“I’m sorry Devi. I‘m sorry…I‘m- I‘m just sorry.” I pulled away, running down the street, just wanting to escape.

“Calypso wait, just wait a freaking moment! Calypso get back here!”

“No, I just need some time alone!” I yelled, still running. I didn’t care where I was going.

“Calypso! STOP! Be smart and listen for once!” I kept up my pace as Sebastian went back for his car. I was screwing everything up. Why me? He was going to chase. Of course. Why the heck was everyone trying to stop me from doing what I want? Oh right, I screw it all up, and everyone knew it. Like this current disaster. Be smart for once? Oh great, I’m stupid now, guess it fits everything.

“Calypso!”

I ignored it, thinking it was one of the two guys I had just screwed things up with. I wipe my eyes. Sebastian isn’t who he used to be, but he was still a brother to me that I destroyed everything with just now. Nick, I don’t know what he is. That was the problem. I want to just fade away.

“Chica, you aight? I was getting some stuff and I saw ya. Get in.” Suddenly Isabel’s car pulled up beside me. She was the one calling out. To me, who likely looked like a crazy girl right now.

I was full of stupid worthless I’m sorry‘s lately. And I was sorry. In more than one way. So I stayed at Iz’s. She had told Sebastian I had called to let her know I was fine, but that she didn’t know where I was. I called and left a message on my parents’ cell phones that I’d be late home today cause of a psychology project but that I couldn’t wait to see them since they were coming back today. I wanted to avoid it all. It’s just harder when one of those people is famous and just released a single however. A lot harder. This whole mess was my fault anyway. Completely and totally. If I hadn’t gone to hang with Nick against what everyone told me. If I hadn’t decided to kiss my best friend just to get Nick off my back.

This really wasn’t like me at all. Maybe Sebastian was right. Was I no better than that darn evil Tracy? She used Nick. Had I used Sebastian?

Everything Nick was scared me. How he was, how he acted with me. Who he is. His lifestyle scared me the most. I was making freaky and terrible decisions. Hmm, maybe I should live all isolated in a cave. I hear caves are cool. Spiffy even. Isabel’s talking brought me back from my la-la land.

“But I like this song.” I love Iz, bright girl, but she doesn’t see the connection.

…It’s out of control…but I can’t let it go…”

Changing the station myself, I gave her the sternest look I could muster. Which isn’t all that impressive. “That’s Nick’s song, he wrote it…and the band he’s in…ya know that one you love…Flames Of Ice is singing it…” I wasn’t trying to be snarky. It just came out. “The point is to so NOT be thinking about that…”

So I put it on another station, an oldies one actually.

“Tonight, the light of love is in your eyes…But will you love me…tomorrow…Is this a lasting treaasure…or just a moment‘s pleasure…” That song always makes me think of Dirty Dancing. Probably because it was in that movie.

“Ooh sorry, girlie, you can’t escape it forever you know.”

I throw myself on the bed all dramatic like. You’d think my life was over. Which it is. What?! I’ve had a long two days. “Why not?”

“Eventually Sebby’s not going to believe me anymore and come down to check for himself.”

“Well poo.” I pouted, can’t it all just go away and leave me alone? I was so done with this.

“And you said Nick keeps trying your cell phone. Like it or not he’s gonna call yours house soon if he hasn’t already.”

Now that thought? Very cringe worthy. Seriously. “I really hope Sebastian doesn’t answer.” Then the other cringe worthy thought came. “…Crap or my parents. God I hope he doesn’t stop by there!” GAH! Too many cringe worthy thoughts!

“See, you have to go back to the world.”

“Iz, not a time to be logical. But poo, you’re right. If I don’t, things are going to get so nuclear.” I let out another sigh. “This sucks.”

“I can’t believe you kissed Sebby.”

“It was SO stupid of me.”

She sat on the bed beside me, pulling me up so I was sitting again instead of flopping on my back over and over as I was. She hugged me tight, guess I needed it. “Did you feel anything?”

“That’s why it was so stupid of me to do it. I didn’t Iz; I didn’t feel a darn thing. I used to think I would. Hell I used to have a thing for him. But I didn’t and I did it just to get Nick upset and now Sebastian is thinking I want something when I don’t, if he wants it anyway, and my parents come home today!”

“Caaaaaalm down chica. One, Nick likely knows why you did it-”

“Oh that’s great.” I replied dryly. I didn’t want Nick to know why I did it. I was naïve for thinking he was that blind. I admit it. He’s not stupid, no matter what he thinks.

“Being honest.”

I bopped her with her own pillow. She shrugged, laughing. “It’s true. So what are you going to do?”

“Good question.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at school today Cal? Me none since I passed my proficiency exams last year so I don‘t have to show up today for them.”

I shrugged. There was that other issue I wasn’t bringing up unless asked. “I’m failing Psych, math I’m doing okay, same with English. Psych, I am so doomed.”

“You’re failing psychology?! I thought you liked it?”

I sighed and gave a shrug. “Not since it got forced on me. I’ve been falling behind. Thank Lordie Spring Break starts tomorrow. Well for me anyway since I have no classes on Thursday or Friday.”

“Your parents know?”

I look at her like she’s completely earned her ticket to the loony bin. I’m starting to think she did. “If they did, I’d be dead. They think I’ve stayed away from Nick this past week too.”

“Think they’ll find out?”

“The way my luck is Izzy, I’m thinking yes.” I said, adjusting my glasses, they were starting to slip off my nose from me laying down and not fixing them. “And I have no idea what I’ll do. Hell, I don’t know anything right now.” I spoke nothing but the truth. Anyone know of any available caves? I’m thinking I’ll need one in the near future. Isolation has to be better than this; cause I’m stuck tight… and I don’t see an easy way out happening any time soon.

“It’s gonna work out, seriously.”

At that I stared at her, her with the out of place optimism. Usually I had that instead of her. But then again I always had it for everyone else, I never needed it. “Promises, promises.” I grumbled, cause for me, that’s all it is. Can I wake up from this nightmare yet? Cause I am so ready to.


***************

Women are way too damn intuitive ya know? She could sense what I was going to say. I knew it. She knew it. She was just waiting for me to actually say it. Heh, now how do I do this? I can say it’s been fun, but that’s so damn played ya know. I’m trying to be nice, believe it or not. I guess I should just say it, ya know? Fuck I thought I stopped saying ya know so much! Remind me to kill AJ for saying it so much yesterday. He noticed I stopped saying it and bet me two hundred bucks he could get me to start saying it again, damn him. Well what he don’t know won’t gain him two hundred dollars. Shit, again Nick, focus. You need to break up with this. First step to getting what you freakin’ want for once.

I kept trying to call Cally, about what happened, about everything. No answer. So I need to take care of this before I try chasing any further. So be a man Carter, tell her you’re done. That’s it over. Speak you wimp!

“What Nick, just say it.”

“Tracy, I think we should break up.” That was nice and gentle? Right? Ah who am I kidding. It was straightforward as hell anyway.

“What?!” Why is she surprised, we both knew this thing hasn’t been going smooth. Dammit this is going to be hard.

“I feel it’s the best.” I say, hella calm, my eyes staring into her now damn cold emerald ones.

“You can’t break up with me!” Whoa, what the fuck, I can‘t?

“What do you mean I can’t? Trace you and I both know what we got ain’t workin’ ya know?”

“You can’t leave me for that pig you’ve been cheating on me with! I’m fucking better than her disgusting self; you cannot degrade me by leaving me for HER!” Next thing I know is that decorative vase on the dresser is playing kamikaze on my ass and I instinctively duck to avoid it. Wait, what did she just say about Cally!?

“Cally has nothing to do with this!” Wow, did my nose just grow? That was a huge lie. I’m trying to be nice. “Don’t bring her into this!”

Ahh! Flying fucking TV attack! Hit the deck! “Don’t lie to me! You have me to fucking deal with. You cheated on ME with her! It’s disgusting! I’ll hit you where it hurts Nick! With your pocketbook!”

Great, between her and London I would be a has-been and broke if they had their way.

“Dammit Trace! Can we fucking handle this like adults and not throw fucking tantrums!”

The god damn lamp shattered on the wall beside me in response. Damn this bill was going to be SO fucking high. If I can survive this hurricane. Katrina should have been named after my now ex girlfriend.

“Not when you cheat on me with lard ass and then have the nerve to dump me! Have fun paying for this shit Nickolas fucking Gene fucking Carter!” Damn her, this room is in my alias name too. My bill.

“Tracy!” Crash, fuck that one came close to actually hitting me. Thank you whatever God is up there for the fact she has shitty aim. This room was getting to look unrecognizable, which was getting worse for me. Knew I shouldn’t have been straightforward, I should’ve sugarcoated it all to hell.

“Fuck you!”

“Dammit stop! You’re gonna hit me with one of those things if you get lucky and then I’ll get you for assault, and I don’t give a fuck who knows either! So calm. The fuck. DOWN!” I yelled, fuck this was getting insane. When the hell did I start dating only psychos? First Mandah, then Tiffy, London, and now Trace. Maybe I should start praying Cally isn’t. Nah, never mind, she’s not the type to be. Tracy was staring at me with some serious fury there, looking again, psychotic. Her fiery hair was out of place, some stuck to her forehead, those green eyes just wild as hell.

“Fine Nick, you asshole. I’ll even check out tonight, but you have not heard the last of me.” She said calmly as I finally saw I could leave and not get knocked the hell out. I started too, but her voice was cold, hella cold, too cold. I was just tired as hell, and not worried about that last statement.

“I mean it Nick!”

Promises. Promises.

“Just Another Day”

Chapter 20: What I Want

Iz dropped me off hours later about a block away from my house. It was a peaceful night out and really, I wanted the time to think to myself. A lot has happened. A lot I let happen.

I guess school is first. I’ve neglected the hell out of it after Nick came in the picture, if anyone noticed. I admit it, my other classes I kept up in. Psychology 101? I was so doomed. I was interested and all, but not passionate about it. Art is passion, anything creative is passion, for me at least. Yet I always keep it to myself. I know my major is art, like I told Brian when I very first met him. But I’ve taken more classes for the career I’m supposed to be in. The major is just a technicality my family ignores because they expect me to change it. And, I don’t know, with Psychology 101...knowing it is supposed to be my one day career future didn’t exactly help the pressure to excel like Blossom. Who hasn’t called since the Nick thing made news. Same with Johnny D. Some brother and sister. Forgotten me, unless its about my future of course.

Oh and let us not forget Sebastian. Sebastian, well that was nothing but a mess. I guess he’s not who he used to be. Or who I remember him to be, but he was still my best friend along with Teddy. He was once a crush. I ever thought I still had it. Yup, even after meeting Nick. In fact I thought I was displacing those feelings on to Nick. (And I’m failing psych? I did absorb some things.) That theory was obliterated- (word of the day!) when I kissed Sebastian to hurt Nick. Cause again, I didn’t feel a spark. It…okay I admit it wasn’t like kissing Nick. There. I said it. Oh, and Izzy told me that he liked me in high school and she thinks he might even now. So now it’s complicated and all thanks to me.

So, is everyone caught up?

Now explain it to me and how I got to this point.

Because Lordie knows I am beyond lost.

Back to the school issue! I’m failing the subject everyone but Sebastian, Iz, Teddy…oh and Nick, expect me to turn into my future. Yep that’s my biggest worry. Lucky for me… parents? Have no clue. One point for Cally Rayne! One Billion points for the world against me. Yup, still losing. So not spiffy. So now I was just getting home, letting my thoughts take over. Nothing new to see, same boring neighborhood. Dogs barking, neighbors being neighbor-y, Nick and Sebastian brawling in my driveway…the night sky was actually pretty tonight and-

Wait! Hold Up! Rewind. What had I just said? Back up! I rushed over when I realized just what I was seeing, and that it wasn’t a hallucination of mine of course. Or a daydream/nightmare scenario. Had to rule those out. Lordie, I need a shot of red mountain dew. Seriously. Moving on.

“Sebastian! Nick! What the BEZELS are you two doing!? STOP IT!“

Of course, they continued. Forgotten me right? Why would they EVER listen to reason? (Yes, note the major sarcasm used here.) Guys can be so dumb acting. I’ve learned that. But of course, there’s no tests in Psych 101 on that.

Grabbing Nick, and trying to pull him away, I just barely caught sight of Sebastian pulling me off to the side. Nick, who was surprised to see me at my own home oddly, got sucker punched cause I distracted him unintentionally and all that. He stumbled back, getting ready to lunge at him. Both were sporting marks from their battle so it was obvious this hadn’t just started. Oh boy. Help? Anyone? Darn.

“Quit it! Both of you! I am so sick of all this drama! STOP IT! LORDIE!” Shouting it angrily into the night, I think I am finally at my boiling point. It only took me almost nineteen years to get there, as I pushed Sebastian away from Nick. Nick who was after that punch starting to sport quite the shiner.

“He started it.” My friend muttered, his gaze skipping away from mine.

Nick took a glimpse at me, an ashamed one I might add. “Cally Baby, I came by to talk…ya know? And I-”

So those gah worthy thoughts did happen. Darn Izzy, being right and all. “Honestly,” I interrupted, so tired, of everything. “I don’t want to hear it.” There was something off about Nick. Not sure what, but there was.

“Lypsi-”

“Sebastian, stay here for a few, and Nick-” I blinked when I didn’t see him next to me. Oh Lordie. Then, seconds later, I spotted him moseying along. Yes I like the word mosey. Very slowly, and every once in awhile, a bit out of step. I guess he was off to his Cadillac. I have no idea what I’m doing, take note of that. I jogged over to catch up with him, again, not having a clue of what I’m doing.

“What Cally?” I smelt…was that alcohol on his breath?

“My god, you’re not drunk are you?” That would explain at least something.

He turned, looking insulted. “No. Why do you care?”

“Seems when you drink something bad happens.”

That was when he shot me a hurt glare. “You want to pin this on me Cally? Fine. Do it. That way you can go back to that bastard you call a friend. And then I’m gone, just like you want, right?”

I stared at him, did he JUST say that?

“Right?!”

*****************

I wasn’t drunk aight? Lemme get that straight. I had a couple damn drinks after that Trace nightmare. Can you blame me? After that I came here to see Calypso and was met by the asshole she kissed. Heh, and I had been done with that playing nice idea obviously. Now she wants to blame this shit on me?! What kind of crap is that ya know? Dammit AJ! I’m killing him for the ya know’s.

“I’m right! Aren’t miss Calypso Lynn Rayne!”

Then, her face went freaky red. And she soon exploded in a way I never expected from this soft spoken girl who had snuck into my life and began all this.

“Dammit Nick! I am NOT NOT NOT NOOOOOOOOOOT trying to blame you! You think all of this is so simple, so easy! It’s not so darn easy for me! You’re mad at Sebastian cause I kissed him. Nick, I’m the one who did it! You and I are only friends anyway! Ever since we met my life got uber-complicated. You want to be mad? Well be mad at me!”

“Why DID you kiss him Cally? Why even bother with me if I complicate things so damn much!? Huh? And it IS easy, that’s what scares you!”

“Maybe I wanted to kiss him.” She said, quietly, the anger and yelling very slooooowly sneaking away from her voice.

“You didn’t get anything from it. You know it. Why would you want to kiss him?”

She looked up at me, in some strange ass way I can’t explain. “Question of the night. And you know Nick, it’s not easy. Unless you’re some millionaire rockstar who’s used to getting what he wants. I live in reality, not in that Hollywood alternate universe.” She did NOT just say that. She knows me better than that. I grabbed her arm, pulling her not forcefully, back towards me when she tried to walk away. Oh no, I’m a stubborn ass and this ain’t ending that easy.

“You KNOW I don’t have it easy Cally. Look at you, you don’t have family trying to use you. Your family actually gives a damn!”

“No instead they want me to be some perfect Cally. I am SICK of being controlled by everyone Nick!”

I stepped back, okay was that directed at me? I stared at her hearing the thunder boom above us, as clouds began to roll in against what was supposed to be a quiet night sky. “I never controlled you. Just what do you want from me Cally!?” With that she ran off, back to the friend who hated me. I watched her go.

I don’t think she knew what she wanted.

That was the problem.

************

I don’t know what I want, and it is so the problem. I just wish someone other than the confused me can see that. Well, I knew I want everyone to be happy and very not hurt, but I didn’t think I could have that. In fact, as I walked away from Nick yet another time, I knew it for sure. Still, I kept walking. Time to face Sebastian, which if anyone has noticed, I’ve managed to avoid very nicely until now. Bah, I hate consequences. They stink. I wanted to just sneak to my room, barricade myself inside and just paint. Too bad Sebastian is staying there with us. Shame my parents are coming back today. WHERE is that cave when I need it? You ever noticed that a hole never appeared for you suddenly fall in when you needed one? Poo.

There is Sebastian, as the thunder begins to roar angrily. Mood fitting right? He stood there as the wind began to pick up around us. His sapphire jade eyes were colder than I’ve seen them in the past. Oh boy. “Calypso, what the heck is going on with you?”

Ummm…play dumb? Geeze I go from never been kissed to kissed by some freaking rockstar and then kissing my best friend to chase him off. When the heck did my life spin out of my control again? Let me know, cause if I ever found Doc from Back To The Future I’d use that time machine to reverse it all. I think. “What do you mean?”

“You kiss me and then avoid me for an entire day to start with, after a phone call where you sounded crazed.”

“I needed you okay? And I avoided you cause I had a lot I had to think about, AWAY from any guys.” I say softly, but firmly. I can’t even look him in the eye. Way to be spineless Calypso Lynn Rayne.

That was when he grabbed me roughly by the shoulders, so sharply it shocked me back to reality. Still he gripped them, enough to where it was beginning to hurt. “You still didn’t answer why you kissed me and then ran.” His voice was harsh, almost fierce.

I tried pulling away, staring at him with frustration when he wouldn‘t let me. What happened to the best friend who let me be me? Who said I should make my own choices no matter what and learn from them? Was that only because I was doing what he wanted before and now I’m not? Even when he comforted me when he first got here, was that just because he thought I wouldn’t go anywhere near Nick again? “I don’t have to answer, I don’t know why, just let me go.”

“I don’t understand you at all anymore.”

He did let go and I glanced at the stars above us. I wish I was up there sometimes, my soul at peace, drifting among the stars above before being reincarnated again to live another life. A pipe dream, but a dream none the less. “The feeling is mutual Sebastian.” I said, turning to go into the house. I’m so tired of all this. Really I am.

Then I saw the headlights from a car pulling into the driveway. I glanced over. Oh no, no more Nick drama. That drama hurts and I really just want to paint and maybe sleep. I saw the car. Oh no. Come on. Not now…

“What’s going on? Cally, Sebastian…” I hear my mother ask, my father stepping out of the car after she did. Reality check for me. Reality stinks. Give me my painting creative world any day please.

“Hey Mr. and Mrs. Rayne.” I heard my friend call out earnestly. At that I watch him, just curious. “I was just trying to talk some sense into your daughter.”

No.

He wouldn’t.

He couldn’t!

“What do you mean?” My dad was asking, looking to me. I looked more like him you know. Personality, well if it wasn’t for looks I’d sometimes think I was adopted. I never did fit in with my family that well sometimes. Can I be invisible again? I’m thinking I’m starting to miss it.

“Well…” I stare down my friend. He’s not doing what I think he is. I’m dreaming. Yet, I’m not, I was witnessing a backstab in motion and it hurt. A ton. Like a punch to the stomach almost. “She keeps hanging out with that musician…neglecting her studies…”

HOW did he know about the school issue?!

“…So much that her Psych Professor called about her failing grade, in concern and wanted to speak to her about a make up cause she has potential.” Nail in coffin. “She’s acting strange, avoiding everyone, including me and Isabel…” That’s a lie! “And I confront her about it and she just wants to avoid me again…Maybe you can talk some sense into her.”

And there I was, faced with two very mad, upset, and lets not forget disappointed, parents standing before me. Tears were on hold in my eyes. Not going to let them fall. Nope. No. Not going to let my EX friend see how much that stung. That was low. The lecture came of course.

“What do you mean you keep going to see that musician?!” My father roared, his eyes flashed with fury.

“I wanted to be friends with him.” Did I really sound so meek just now?

“He’s just using you!” Gee thanks mom. “He’ll hurt you as soon as he’s done with you.”

“You know it’s for the best to stay away from him! Leave that shallow star to his groupies. I don’t know what he wants but you know he’s using you for something.” My dad stayed silent in most of this. Only thing he commented on was that he just said. My father never fully understood me but he gave me more leeway than my mom ever did. Guess the Nick issue bothered him the most.

“Not to mention your grades are slipping! How could you be failing Psychology! It’s your passion!”

I listened to their yelling, seeing Sebastian smirk just slightly. Not enough for my parents to notice but I knew him enough to spot it. He did this to comfort me about how it’s for the best later.

“…You may want to rebel like a delayed silly teenager now but one day you’ll be glad you gave up that silly painting and stupid musician and chose the life meant for you! This is what you really want-”

“I-”

“And if you decided to do otherwise you’d see that the talent and guy would never last and never work out and you’d wish you’d been smart like your IQ says despite your dumb actions and-”

“Well I-”

“I still can’t understand how you fail what will be a career you will live to do…will love-”

“Lypsi, I know all of this will work out, listen to them and me. I’ll be there for ya…” Oh now he sounded concerned.

After a few attempts of trying to get a word in, I guess it happened. As the thunder roared and the rain finally began to fall, I lost it. Just blew. I glared at the three before me as bitter tears began to blend with an angry rainfall. “No. Things are NOT going to be okay Sebastian. YOU only want me to be me when you think you can control me. What you want me to stay alone forever so you can pity me and play with my feelings?! Was that all I ever was, someone you could play savior to? You‘d think after what you dealt with growing up, always sick of others controlling you, playing a false freaking martyr, you wouldn‘t do it to me! You are NOT who I thought you were!”

“Dad, I love you, but Nick if anything ever happened, which hasn’t…he wouldn’t use me.”

“Calypso! This is certainly out of-”

“And YOU mom! I used to like Psychology. Now I think I really HATE it because everyone is forcing it on me! I’m not perfect Blossom! I’m not awesome Johnny! I am ME only! Why can’t you ever ever ever see ME and not who Blossom and Johnny are!? Am I that bad? Am I that invisible?! If I’m not enough, find another daughter! I am so sick of this! In fact I think I’m dropping out of college! Actually, yes, yes I am dropping out of college! I am going to try art and see where my REAL passion freaking takes me!”

“You’re just a little excited and-”

“No! I’m being me! And ME is dropping out of school! ME is saying SCREW psychology!”

“Calypso Lynn Rayne, if you drop out of college than you can find another place to live young lady.” Her brown eyes were ablaze with fiery fury. Fury at me and I didn’t care. I was done. No one cared what I wanted and so forget it.

“That’s so peachy! I will!” I raced inside, shoving Sebastian out of my way, grabbing his keys from where they were off the counter in the kitchen. Did I really just say I’d quit school? Crazy as it was, I didn’t say it just to make my parents mad. I heard them calling after me through the open door but I ignored them. They thought I was just going to my room likely. Shows how well they know me. I went to my room, grabbed my wallet and a few other things and stalked into the garage. I got into my former friend’s car. Soon I was revving the engine as the garage door opened. Starting it up, I turned the radio on, volume almost full blast. Without thinking I backed up with full speed just missing my parents’ car by an inch, then, put it in gear and sped off. I slammed in a random mix CD into the CD player Sebastian had put in when he first modified the van. I just drove, making turns and not giving a darn where I was going, as long as it was away. My only companion was a song by Kelly Clarkson.

…Are you listening…hear me, I’m crying out, I’m ready now. Turn my world upside down, find me… I’m loose inside a crowd, it’s getting loud. I need you to see I’m screaming for you to please… hear me. Hear me, hear me, can you hear me? Hear me…

Tears fell freely now, dancing their way down my chubby cheeks. My vision blurred as the windshield wipers struggled to battle the rain. Being smart, and freaked, almost paranoid about car accidents, I pulled over to the side of the road. I sat there, letting the music comfort me. I was basically told to get out. I decided at random I was done with school. I actually stood up for myself. And Nick, well that was still complicated. I was alone, and now unable to get a hold of Teddy or Izzy as I fiddled with my cell phone. My breathing was still heavy, and the tears still were coming in salty bitter streams.

Oh…and did I really just commit grand theft auto?

“Just Another Day”

Chapter 21: It All Falls Down

That next stormy as hell morning, I was at Jive’s main LA office. Yeah Jive Records. May I say they’re evil? They are. It’s still raining like hell and I have the most massive hangover. After that shit last night, well, decided to do exactly what I was accused of, live up to my soiled ass name. Ain’t it great? Heh. Now my head’s pounding like hell, it’s eight in the freaking morning and the last thing I want to do is a meeting. That I was hella late for. Try almost nine, and even that was a bitch to try to make it up and get all rise and shine shit on. I forgot about it too till Kevin called my ass, annoyed as hell. I hate our damn label by the way. They signed us and all but they’re used to pansies for artists. By pansies I mean the ones who let them steal creative control from them. We don’t and we’re always fighting them to keep that shit.

“Nick…are you paying attention?”

I nodded at the assholes we call managers and go back to my sidekick. Heh, now I’m being reminded that the deadline for album liners is tomorrow, which I haven’t started on at all. I wasn’t paying attention obviously. Give me the music and let Kevin and Howie handle the business side of this. I set aside the sidekick and flipped through my all important notebook. That one that had like, hell my fucking soul in it. I found a blank page as our managers Lois and Johnny, rambled on and on. They’re pricks and they know I hate them as much as they hate me. I’m their least favorite member of the band heh. May as well start on those liners before they blow a gasket cause I don’t have them tomorrow. Wasn’t like I planned on listening to this discussion anyway.

Though something on an earlier page caught my eye. I turned it back and rolled my eyes at it. It was a sketch of Cally. I drew it after that babysitting thing. Heh, no need to think about her now. She decided I was what people thought I was, blame me and take the side of that ass she calls a friend. I put myself fucking out there for her didn’t I? I never do that shit. I felt like I put myself out there, going to her house, trying to tell her how I felt. I fucking dumped Trace’s ass for her, so what’s keeping this girl away from me now?

I went back to the blank page. I’ll figure that out later. Now I’ll do something that’s not listening to the evil managers from London Miffton ruled hell. I’m sure Satan sent them all here to make me suffer. So, writing the album liners. Yup that’s what I’m doing. Need to be doing, oh what the fuck ever. We have another radio interview to do after this; one is calling in, another in person. Ain’t that just a fucking blowout?

“…so we need to start contacting sponsors for the tour…”

“We need a name for the album first…” I decided to say, heh now they’ll think I paid attention.

“We’ve been debating that for months.” Aww Brian you had to be the one who answered.

“Fuck man, let’s just call it I want some bad ass bitches and be done with it.” I snickered, sometimes I loved AJ.

“Never Gone?”

“D that’s cheesy, boyband cheesy.”

My thoughts wander again, we had decided on the track listing and all when we picked the single. Heh, wonder if Cally knew the single was about her. Made me want to check any other songs on that album that were done after we first met over the phone. See if any others were inspired by that girl I couldn’t understand in the least. I think another song was, can’t think of the title. Damn why am I thinking of her again? It’s like she’s haunting me or something.

“Never Gone is not boyband cheesy.”

“Heh yeah it is man, it’s like a fucking death wish.”

“Why don’t we name it something that’s hopeful…”

“Lets not get all spiritual now cuz…”

“Kevin come on, I wasn’t meaning that.”

“I’m telling you! I Want Bad Ass Bitches! It’d be perfect-”

“Let’s call it Haunted.” I interrupted. Get used to this, we argue a lot. We’re like brothers more than band mates. They all stared at me like I announced a sex tape with London just leaked out or something. Brian was the first to grin. Best friend for a reason.

“Nick, I think that’s perfect, fit’s the mood of the songs…”

Kevin even nodded his approval. “It gives an overall theme to it.”

Howie nodded. “Sounds good, and if the liners are due tomorrow, we can’t go to printing without a cover.”

“Didn’t we already do those annoying photo shoots?”

“Nothing that fit’s a cover Frackolas. Don’t worry, I know a gal who can paint one now that we know the title. The shots we took have a dark theme anyway.”

And as John took over and started talking business again my interest went out the window. Brian knew someone to draw the cover. That’d be Cally. I bet anything. She’d never agree, she’s too shy about her talents. Fuck, I need to just, well damn stop thinking. Album liners, those things I’m avoiding writing! Hell anything will work right now.

Hey, here we are again. Fourth album. Holy shiiot. Many of ya don’t know that. That second album was what made us get big. As always I’m the last ass one to be doing this shit.

I paused, aight, I need to know who I’m thanking. Not my family heh. Mom called today asking for cash. At least leaving messages about it. I didn’t listen to the whole spiel. I caught the end of it as I woke up. The “bye Nicky!” part. Don’t that shit say it all? I need to check on Aaron. Leslie was calling. She’s the one who still talks to me. I worried about her cause she wanted fame but not mom’s way and mom was forcing it on her. She was like me, a rocker. Not the pop star life Aaron thrived off of. I should mention my sibs at least. Heh just not mom. Or dad. Dad who left mom two years ago anyway and had a son with this random whore I have to call step-mom. That being eldest of six? I was counting the newest edition of Carters. Kayden. I haven’t even met him. Dad left and tried to forget us all. My sister BJ, well she was always in trouble, and Aaron’s twin sister Angel was living with dreams of being a model. Mom wanted more cash cows.

I need to stop thinking so damn much. Stupid ADHD, it’s to blame for all this shit. Album liners. Writing them.

Shhhhh I’m at a meeting not listening doing this since it’s due tomorrow. Who to thank now… well fellas you come first. Cause you guys are why I’m still here. Kevin…you’re anal, and we fight a helluva lot, but you’re like the dad I didn’t have on the road since the band formed. Jay, you’re so damn strong, you’ve made it and its effing awesome. Howie…watch out or I’ll have another prank for ya soon. It’s out of love man, promise. -snicker- And Brian, Frickan, you’re my big brother man, plain and simple. You know what I mean when I say being that saved my ass.


I think that sounded okay so far. Not too emotional yet it said it all when it came to them right? I had more to do, knew that much.

Aaron, guess I can forgive ya for liking pop, lets chat more bro. Don’t need you making my dumb mistakes. Angel, Aaron better be fighting all those boys off ya cause you’re getting too damn pretty. Leslie, you’re always there, after all the drama we deal with. It means a lot. BJ, if you ever need me, let me know. Cause I’m still the big brother, I can help. Kayden, you’re not old enough to read yet, hell you don’t know me. One day you might see this, and I hope we have this kick ass relationship by then.

I refuse to mention mom and dad. I hate even calling them my parents. I blocked out the noise of the meeting. Seemed to be fine without me. These things are so damn boring anyway.

Chris, bro, where the party at? Seems like forever since the last. Bean, glad we made it through it all sight, don’t let it slow down ya fun.

The fans, you’re why we’re here. The music, awards, tours, fame. Everything is cause of you guys. Even LD. You are hella awesome and you should know it.

And last but the farthest from least…

Then, I paused. What the hell do I say to Cally? I had to mention her in here. Even with all the confusion and drama shit, I had to mention her. It felt wrong not to. As to what, I had no fucking clue. How do I describe and thank all that’s happened? Heh, maybe that’s part of the issue.

**********

Waking up in the back of a van isn’t something I’d suggest. Especially if you took it from a former best friend because he pissed you off along with your parents. I wasn’t able to get a hold of Teddy, and I knew Iz would have been the first place checked. So I slept in here, because I didn’t want to call Nick. Calling Brian, would have ended up with Nick, so just no. The rain was still coming down, even better. I stretched out, and looked at what I had grabbed when I ran off. A few drawing pads, with a few pencils tucked into them. Good. My wallet and cell, but those had been in my pocket anyway, lucky or knowing me I would’ve forgotten them. And a brush. Okay, I’ll deal with this. No problem. I took my hair out of its scrunchie, brushing it out and putting it right back in a ponytail. I try the cell, calling Teddy’s number. Listening to it ring for a few moments, I didn’t get an answer. No one tried to call. Oh so they thought I was going to come back? I don’t care if I’m stuck sleeping in a van I stole basically. It’s not happening. I could try seeing if Teddy was on myspace or something. He was addicted to that. Or email him. I get up, crawling over into the driving seat. I started up the car and headed to the library. May as well try to use the internet to solve my issues then.

I hate driving in the rain; I have to admit this is partly why I stalled on getting a car. At one point I did have enough money, before quitting my job anyway. I just never said I had it. Sometimes I got freaked by them. I drove, turning up the radio, letting Evanescence take over. I wasn’t in the mood for pop right now. I parked at the library, getting out and heading inside. I didn’t look too much a mess, a little wet thanks to the rain but whatever. I got on a computer…and I can’t believe I’m saying this but curiosity is getting the better of me. So…I visited the message board dedicated to Flames of Ice on LiveDaily. I shouldn’t. I’m trying to very much not think about Nick Carter. Still, I wanted to see. I’ll only take a quick look.

Nick’s single again! was the thread title that jumped out at me.

Angelsmile: OMG I heard from a friend who ran into him that he dumped Tracy!

I raised a brow, Nick wouldn’t have told anyone, more like a fan was stalking. He had been telling the truth then though; he broke up with Tracy…for me. Then again fans aren’t trustworthy in any fandom.

TampaBayLondonFan: She prolly dumped him. I bet anything he cheated on her with that other girl he was seen with. He’s such a man whore.

Ivy05: Yeah because one sighting means cheating Melinia. And if he is dating that other girl, who cares? As long as he’s happy.

Angelsmile: he’s not dating that other girl! She’s ugly and fame hungry, I bet it was her idea to go to the Grove! I’ll prove they’re not dating!

Rolling my eyes, I closed the window, going to my myspace. No need to read the rest of that crud. All it was going to do was bash me, and point out every flaw I have, which I have a lot of. This is why I didn’t need to enter Nick’s world. So I went to myspace. I only have one because of Teddy, he totally made me. I was about to sign in when my cell started going off. Billy Jean ring tone for him. I love all kinds of music. I headed outside into the van, knowing the librarian would have a fit if I answered inside. So I ran inside the van, the rain starting to come down even harder now.

“Good Morning Starshine…the earth says hello…” I sang, thinking of the oldies song.

I heard a laugh and smiled a bit. “Cally you answer in the oddest ways.”

“Come on Teddy, it makes me who I am.”

“Got your message from last night, everything okay dear?”

“I know you live on base and all, but is there anyway I can crash with you for a few days?”

“What happened?”

“My parents and Sebastian are flipping out at me. All over a guy I’m not dating.”

“Nick.”

I leaned back against the door of the van, enjoying the shag carpet on the floor. I knew that was a good idea. Made that sleeping in here last night more comfy at least. “Yeah…and they’re saying I need to be this person I never was, I got fed up and left…and took Sebastian’s car…I’d go to Iz but even if I am an adult, I’d be found and told I should go home so quick. So…”

“Cal, you know I would. But I’m living on the base and so I can’t…maybe you should go back, at least till you can afford a place…”

Blah blah blah. No. “It’s cool, I’ll talk to you later Teddy.”

Great… so now what do I do?

Then, as I’m staring out the window of the van, it finally hit me. I have this really bad habit of running away. I mean that. I always hate confrontation; I think I’ve said that before right? So even though I didn’t want what my family wanted for me as a career, I went along with it. Even though, the idea of Nick scared me I liked it. But then I ran from it because it scared me. When I got fed up of going along with what my family wanted for me I ran from it. I loved to paint but I was afraid that my parents were right, so I ran to what I was “supposed” to be. I ran from Sebastian after I kissed him. I had kissed him to run away from Nick. Last night I ran away from all of it. Running. I was a coward. Way to be spineless Cally. And you know what? I guess trying to escape to Teddy’s, because I knew Iz would make me face it, made me see what I was doing.

Running away.

I guess it’s time I ran to actually face something. To face the chaos my life’s turned into. So I grabbed the few things I brought, stuffed them into a sling bag Sebastian had in his car, and hopped out. I left a message to him of where his car was, and that I was not going to be in it when he got there.

Me? I started walking, to something. Not running from something. I guess it’s time I’ll face it, as it all falls down around me. I was so sick of trying to run, and I wanted to be me. The first step is to try and face the decisions I make. So as the rain poured down upon me angrily, drenching every inch of me, I loved it, and headed to my next destination.

***********

I’m in my apartment now heh, after getting bored with the clubs after the meeting and the radio interviews. Didn’t stay long in the clubs. Long ass day. My liners just got finished and now I was drawing a bit in my notebook. And writing lyrics along the side of it. Hey, I get inspired randomly. I had Nirvana blasting in the background, “Come as You Are” is a freaking hella wicked awesome ass song. Babyface was staring at me like I was crazy.

“What, I ain’t thinking about anything but getting my lyrics down.” Then I glanced at my drawing the lyrics were next to. Damn. My gaze shifted over to my Iguana. “Not a word.”

Then I heard an odd tapping on the door. Probably AJ, he shows up at my damn place at the weirdest times. Groaning, I got up, putting my notebook aside so my paper loving Iguana wouldn’t think it’s a snack and get sick. And also destroy the book that in essence was my fucked up soul. I went to the door, opening it and shielding myself from the rain that the strong ass wind wanted to blow at me. There, was a sight I hadn’t expected. Dripping wet, and carrying a sort of purse or pack or something, was Calypso. Her clothes were soaked like she was, and clinging to her like crazy. Her hair was sticking to her pale face, her glasses spotted with rain. Yet her blue eyes sparkled like nothing else beyond those glasses she wore. And she had that simple smile of hers, that same damn one that’s gotten me since the beginning. That shy but simple smile that I think only she can pull off.

“Hey Nick.”

“Just Another Day”

Chapter 22: Maybe, Just Maybe?

“Calypso?”

I’m here at Nick’s door, freezing, and questioning my decision to even come here. Should I have gone home first? Back to the pressure and my best friend who had betrayed me? Maybe I should have gone to Brian’s first. I knew I’d be safe and even protected there. Yet my heart had said Nick’s apartment first. For once I listened to my heart and not my mind. Was I wrong? I shivered. Jeeze you get cold easy when you’ve been walking in pouring rain for the past…I think it was an hour? I felt him put his arms around me and lead me inside. I glanced up at him shyly. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

“Sorry for barging in on you like this-ACHOO!” Ack, no getting sick.

He shook his head, looking concerned even after all the stuff I made him deal with. “Cally Baby, we need to get you changed, dry.”

“Um I don’t have any clothes…”

He just gave me a warm smile. One that told me I did make the right decision in coming here first. I hope so anyway. “I have some clothes you can wear, just pull whatever looks comfy from my closet.”

I dropped my bag by the couch and followed him to his bedroom. Here there were a couple more photos, one with what had to be his siblings. Some looked too much like him not to. I didn’t say anything. A couple awards were in here, a Grammy even, and an American Music Award. He’s made the rounds; I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s been like to live his life. Trust me, I’ve tried to already.

Nick glanced at me. “Come out when you’re changed, I don’t want ya all sick. Go ahead and put your wet clothes in the dryer.”

He left the room, shutting the door behind him to give me privacy. It felt so odd, being in his bedroom. I grabbed a pair of jersey type pants, and a random shirt that said “I’m Naked Under Here”. Only Nick right? I changed, putting my clothes in the dryer. I just hoped the shirt was baggy enough since I had no bra, because of course that was soaked too. I made my way out and onto the couch, where Nick was sitting; I pushed my wet hair out of my eyes. I knew I was a mess. It was hard to ignore it but I was trying to. Then, I asked it since really I didn’t deserve this, I felt anyway.

“Why are you still being so nice to me?”

He shrugged, giving me a weird look. “Cause I don’t want you getting sick?”

I let my own line of vision shift to the floor. “Thanks.”

He tilted my chin up so I couldn’t escape those darn ocean eyes he had. “So, I know you ain’t here to try and sell me some girlie scout cookies. What’s up?”

I shrugged, just where would I start? “Look about us-”

He put a finger to my lips, stopping me. Looking up I watched him curiously. “Something’s bugging you Cally, and it’s more than just me. So tell me what’s got you so upset?”

That right there is what got me. He saw immediately I had a lot on my mind. No one ever noticed that unless I was so freaked you had to be blind not to see it. That’s what I sounded like when I had first called Teddy and left that message. What is it about Nick? Why is it he can actually just see me? Make me feel the way I do when I’m with him? I couldn’t comprehend any of it. Yet that was why I came here. I felt the story leave my lips with such total ease as his arms found their way wrapped around me. It felt so soothing; I laid my head on his shoulder, continuing to tell him.

*************

“I’m just so tired Nick, of trying to be what I’m not. Tried of being controlled you know? So I told them that…” She gave this cute sheepish look. “Maybe not in the nicest way, but it felt like they earned it. Then I well…”

I kept her close, we were basically cuddling. Typically heh, in the past I admit I used to make a move then. Try to get some. But not with Cally. Never with her. With her, I couldn’t even fucking think of trying to take advantage of her. The slow thing is hella new to me, but hell, I think I’m willing to give it a go with her. If ever get to that damn point.

I gave her a smile, she needed to get it out, I could tell. “Go ahead, can’t be TOO bad…”

She smirked, making me think I could be wrong. “Then I grabbed a few things” Cally pointed to the bag, wiping her glasses off after. “And stole Sebastian’s car.”

I started laughing wildly. I couldn’t help it. Bastard had his car taken. Serves him right for purposely getting Cally into a bigger mess just because she wanted to hell just be friends with me. Serves him right for hitting my ass. Let me say, managers weren‘t happy about me sporting a black eye either. Serves the fucker right. “You stole a car?! Damn didn’t know you had that in ya,” Next thing I feel is a pillow whacking me upside the head.

“Shush, I was upset…” She grinned though, letting me know she found it funny now too. “I slept in it, then spent the day figuring my ish out. Then got out, locked the keys inside, called him to tell him where it is and that I hope he has another key…” Resist the urge to snicker.

“And you came to me?”

“Yeah, I came here to you.”

I took in a deep breath of air. Interesting shit. I ain’t much for a companion so why did she come to me? No one’s trusted me enough, heh outside the fellas. And we don’t do this sappy type shit, though I didn’t mind Cally coming here. I was happy she had, I just couldn’t understand any of the reasoning is all. “Why?”

She hadn’t moved from where she was against me, and didn’t now. “Because, it felt right. I was scared to actually. You scare the hell out of me Nick…”

At that I glance down at her, stroking her hair. Holy shit, I had just realized I was doing that. I kept doing it; I think it kept her calm. “I’m a lot of things, never thought scary was one of them.”

Much to my freaking disappointment, she sat up then, pulling away a bit. Great. Every damn time she pulls away we fight or something else happens. Get ready for it. I ran a hand through my hair, I was pretty damn tired. I couldn’t take my eyes off this girl though. This girl who turned my screwed up world upside down from that first time I talked to her.

“You’re scary in the sense that…well you see me. Th-the way you treat me…make me feel…I-gah I just never had that before. It scared me. So…I tried to run. I’m good at that. I-I’m not one for change…and you were a big one. I was just, just so freaked. I didn’t want to be hurt…”

“I’d never hurt y-”

“Maybe not you, but what about your career?”

Well fuck, she had me there. I couldn’t say anything, cause hell she was right. My job could crucify her with not a bit of remorse. She and I saw what a friendly outing to The Grove can do. Dating would be another story. Its times like this I hate my damn fame. It ruins everything. Every-fucking-thing.

“So I ran…” She continued, I think she saw I couldn’t argue that. “And to my shock, you chased.” She gave me a soft, but gorgeous as hell smile, and ironic one though.

That was when I spoke up. Be a man now Carter. “Couldn’t let you get away.” I ain’t one for honest feelings but I think that’s my one fucking chance here.

“That was why I kissed Sebastian.” She turned away from me as I stood. Facing the wall, Cally continued. “Because you chased. You cared enough to chase. I left last night, after fighting with my parents, with Sebastian, but they didn’t chase. They haven’t even called; I had to call him to tell him where I left his car. You did when I left your apartment. It was new, and so I thought kissing him would get you to stop.” She paused, giving us both a moment to get our shit together mentally. “I saw your face when I did it, and it hurt more than I thought it would. Still, you didn’t stop. You went to my house even. You…I just don’t get what you saw but it scares me. Your life scares me.”

“Then why are you here tonight?”

Giving a sigh, she stared out the window. “Because that’s where my heart told me to go. Gah I sound like one of those cheesy chick flicks. It’s true though…”

I came up behind her, my arms going around her to hug her from behind. “Maybe because you knew I’d care?”

She just nodded. “Yeah, because I knew you’d care. It‘s freaky as heck, and I have no clue how to handle any of it. But, I think I want to. You‘re just…everything my world is supposed to not be.”

At that, I can’t help but give a slight chuckle. Really, ironic as hell if anyone’s been paying attention. How could she say that about me? Of all people. Cally tilted her head back to look at me, a few stray drops of water hitting my cheeks from her very wet hair. “What?”

I just shook my head. “It’s just hella funny…cause that’s exactly how I described you.”

As she turned and I began to kiss her once more, everything felt fucking right for once. Taking her in, the feel of her skin as my hands went down her arms, the taste of her lips again. Just, everything this girl is. Unbelievable how life happened sometimes. Un-fucking-believable.

**************

I stayed at Nick’s that night. Nothing happened…don’t think that way. Um yeah, first real…well I don’t know what it is. Still, yeah, nowhere near close to that. I slept on his bed but only cause he’s more stubborn than me and insisted, and he stayed on his couch. Really sweet but not as necessary. I felt like I was being a burden, though he told me over and over I wasn’t. I have no idea what I’m doing. I just know I’m listening to myself for once. I stretched a bit, climbing out of the bed. Nick’s clothes did smell like him and his Drakken cologne. Which I only know cause I saw it in his bathroom. I made my way towards the kitchen, yeah this feels familiar. There I saw Nick, oh wow…

Nick was actually attempting to cook. I say attempting because I can see the smoke and can smell the burned food. Eek, how do I avoid eating this while showing that this was a sweet idea? I covered my mouth to try to stifle the giggles that were still escaping. Nick actually had some weird ragged apron on and was trying very hard to get the food to not burn. I don’t think he’s noticed me yet.

“Dammit! You fucking food! Fucking hell, this why I never cook. God dammit! Ow that fucking burned! You evil mean ass food! I should have Brian play exorcist to make sure this shit isn’t all possessed. Dammit! Don’t get on fire! Stupid damn food! Listen to me! Fuck!” That was when Nick saw me, because he froze, mid fire fighting role. I had pure laughs coming out now. He pouted as he got the little fire to go out and threw the food out. “I was trying to be nice. Stupid evil ass food.”

I kept giggling, it was so cute. “Let’s just, go out and get some food. Cause I can’t cook either. A for effort?” I felt my phone vibrate. Let it, I’ll get it later. I saw him raise a brow at me.

“You want to go out to eat?”

“Somewhere simple, where stalkers won’t think to look. Like Denny’s.”

“Aight Cally Baby, did you wanna borrow more clothes.”

I just beamed, I felt pretty content about it all even though nothing has been fixed yet. “That’d be good.”

**********

“I can’t believe no one’s spotted me.” I tell her, munching on some pancakes. I actually had the cap and sunglasses on to try and hide myself. I have no idea what the fuck we are. We didn’t talk that far last night. I hugged her; she said how she was tired. I made her sleep in my bed and my ass went to the couch. I actually acted like a damn gentleman; I didn’t know I had it in me. I blame Kevin and Brian. Damn Kentuckians.

“I thought like a fan would.” She replied in her shy yet easygoing way. She was having French toast. Glad to have a girl actually eat and not just pick at her leaf that she was calling a salad. Cally was natural, real. She came here in a pair of my jeans another one of my shirts. It made us both snicker when she saw herself in the mirror with a shirt that said and I bet she picked it just to be a smart ass. A cute smart ass, but one anyway. It said Define Girlfriend on it and the irony was just amusing. I haven’t worn that shirt in a long ass time. I forgot about it. Her wearing it cracked me up. Glad to know she has a sense of humor.

“What do you mean?” I need to eat normal more, heh I do more than most celebrities but damn I forgot how bomb ass Denny’s can be.

“When I was in high school, and even after, sometimes people I knew wanted to go celeb hunting. They think of glitzy hotels, boutiques, fancy restaurants. No one thinks of Denny’s or IHoP or places like that. I’m hoping those paparazzi think like that too. I don’t want pictures of like…of well um a date getting all over the net.”

“Is that what this is Cally Baby, a date?”

That’s when her tone got softer, less sure of herself. “Um, I dunno. That kinda came out. I just, I dunno… I’d lie and be trying to run away if I said I didn’t like you, a ton. A lot. Way more than friend level. It’s just gah; your world scares me, like I said last night.”

I nodded, gazing at her. “I’ll leave it up to you what we are.” Heh, that’s a first for me. I’m all about no labels and some what a sense of control. Typically anyway. Everything was different with Cally I’ve noticed. I guess that’s what makes her so damn fascinating. This free spirit trapped in some weird ass world of conformity took me in and changed it all.

“You will??”

“I live in this crazy ass world, and you know it Cally. I ain’t gonna force you into it.”

*********

I can’t believe he is leaving it up to me. Holy Lordie. Bezel my jezels. Nick, it felt good to kiss him. I loved just sitting and talking with him. I’d actually love to paint him sometime and see if I can capture his spirit on paper. It was time to make my first choice, and I’m not shocked Nick is the first to offer it with no pressure. To do it my way without having someone trying to force me to go another way. And I didn’t even have to think about it long. The answer was simple.

“I think…maybe…I think we’re dating, taking it slow, but dating. Um, if that’s okay.”

He grinned, full on grinned. No wonder he breaks fans hearts so often by not dating them. I have no idea if I’m making the right decision; I’m horrible at them according to many. But I think this is right. “It fits fucking perfectly.” He stood, pulling me out of the booth with him. Abandoning the yummy French toast. I would have pouted had he not swung me a little playfully before kissing me with more passion than I knew people could have. I’m new at this remember? It was just, well perfect. I just had to face my parents. But I knew I could. I can handle it all now. Don't know how I knew it, but I did.

It’s funny how life happens sometimes.

“Just Another Day”

Epilogue

Three Weeks Later

“See I told you they wouldn’t hate you.” I told him as we walked out of my house and to the now completely fixed BMW. I love that car of his, I admit it.

He stared at me like I was absolutely bonkers. Not that I blamed him after all that’s happened. After that day at Denny’s, I had gone home and handled my parents. Mostly. They do know I’ve been seeing Nick. We’ve gotten better at avoiding the public. I don’t even think the world knows he’s dating me yet. Though neither of us has checked out LiveDaily either as of late. Sebastian is back at NYU, and things aren’t exactly fixed, but he knows I don’t hate him either. Our friendship needs work now because the trust got abused, admittedly on both sides. He did have the good intentions. We both did. They just got totally warped. So yeah, we need to work on the friendship thing.

“Heh well your dad hasn’t gotten the shotgun yet, guess that’s cool.”

I kissed him gently as we both got into the car. “Trust me, it went well. They had to meet you eventually.” I smirked a bit, “After all the so called chaos you caused.”

My parents know I’m dating Nick obviously and I almost think my dad likes Nick. Scary right? Mom just hates the idea; I don’t think she hates him. They’ve started accepting I am an adult in more than the sense of not keeping an eye on me. That I had to make my own path. They don’t know I am serious about not going to school next semester. Not the school they’re thinking of anyway. One step at a time right? I’m slowly letting myself out of my self enclosed shell. I’ve thought about an art institute type college. I do have a scholarship and some money. You know that dark painting Nick found that night he stayed at my house? It ended up as a cover for their album “Haunted”.

I’m still a bit gah over it. The thought of seeing my art on album covers all over the place? With my signature at the bottom corner and credit in the booklet? It still made me want to hide in a closet somewhere. You know which painting right? It was the one in a cave with a trapped person huddling, shivering, by cinders of a fire long gone cold. There was a ghost haunting the person, trying to control it. With a small ray of light poking through the rocks that blocked the entrance before the cave. The light was aimed directly at the ghost, with the ghost slowly vaporizing because of it. Brian had mentioned I should do their cover, and Nick had thought of that one. I got money out of it, but my art gets to be seen. So NOT the way I used to plan, but hey, it’s seen.

Can you believe Nick and I are still dating? Hehe that’s even crazier. WAY crazier. Bezel everyone’s jezels over that one.

As Nick drove, he handed me a small wrapped package. “Got something for ya.”

I shot him a shy glance. Yep, shyness is still there. Gotten better, but well, I feel my cheeks turning red so it’s not totally gone. “What’s this for?”

He had that sneaky look in his eyes, I knew it. “Just open it.”

I unwrapped it happily, and saw my own art staring back at me with the words Flames of Ice: Haunted at the top. “Your album? I thought it had two and a half more weeks to go before release.”

That cocky smirk of his appeared. You’d think he was this huge rockstar or something. “Advanced copy. Check the booklet.”

I opened it up, still shaken at the idea being reminded to me that millions might see my art soon on this album. Freakiness!? Highest level! I flipped though, unsure of what he wanted me to see. Then his thank yous caught my eye. Actually it was the end of them that did it.

Last but farthest from the least…I guess that would be you baby. You’ll know I mean you when you read this. I’m frustrated as all hell right now cause of the night before. But I want to thank you, for all that you don’t even know you did… and what you will do. Cause by the time you read this, you and I will be somewhere and you’ll be smiling that pretty smile that only you have at me. You’ll be smiling at what you’re reading baby and that it all worked out somehow. I don’t know how yet, but it will. Thank you for being an angel. For saving me. You don’t know when you did it, you may never know. But you did. So thanks. Thanks for putting up with the crazy shit my life can be. You’ll know who you are. Angels, they always know.

I looked over at Nick, and he had the hugest Cheshire cat grin. “How did you know t his would all work?” I asked, too soft for my own liking. Still working on that. I was just, that thing was wow. That was really sweet. Touching, and the fact Nick put himself out there in that where he knew all his fans would read it is amazing.

“You really thought I’d let you walk in my life and then try to walk out? Hell no.”

“Technically, you called your way into mine. I didn’t walk into yours.”

“And Brian says only bad things come from me stealing his cell phone.”

I laughed as he drove down the road. Changing the radio to Christina Aguilera’s song “Candyman” of course. How could he not love that fun song? Sometimes that boy has no taste. I just grinned as I kept my hand on the knob when he tried to change it back. Life works in a weird way sometimes. Trust me; I know that better than anyone. Why? Because this weird, crazy, totally random series of events we’ve been talking about? Well all of it started on… well on just another day.