This story was actually started sometime last summer, as a dialogue session between me and my best friend. As I commonly do I started to write down bits and pieces of the story. We actually started around the fourt-fifth chapter, but I wanted to let you all see what happened before you go digging into the real story. Please tell me what you think, comments are marvelous. Oh and bear with me through the first few chapters, their are a little tough. :)

The light from the porch came on as his brown suede shoes stepped up to the porch door. His car must’ve been seen because his three children ran out ecstatically to see him, their small feet pattering through the door. A smile came to his face as he heart their voices.

“Daddy” Kelly held her small hands out for her dad to pick her up. While his two sons started in on their day.

“Dad, Mom says that I can have my birthday on Saturday, and that you’ll be home.”

He grinned down at his eldest son, brushing his brown thick curly hair to the side of his face “She did?”

“No, No, no she said you were going to take” Christian waddled up his small hands wrapped around his dad’s leg “um” he lost his thought as he looked over at the neighbors house for a moment “Mommy said you want to eat worms” he smiled, a smiling laughter came through at his comic comment.

Harold smiled holding out his hand for his son to take while he used his other to steady his daughter that was now in his hand. “Eat worms? You mean you?” he leaned down watching as Christian run up the stairs towards the door.

“Momma” Kellie called as Harold and his entourage stepped inside the house.

“Baker, please take off your shoes” Jackie called as her motherly instincts informed her that he would forget, yet again and trail the dirt through her house. Baker walked in “Baker, what did I just tell you.”

Harold let his daughter down, seeing his wife putting the rest of the dishes back in the cabinets. Walking up behind her, he let his hands slid around the front of her stomach where he could feel the bulge. “How are you?” he asked moving her hair to the side to kiss her cheek.

“Good” she smiled a little leaning her head to the other side smiling as her husband kissed the skin below her jaw “Really good” she smiled again. Her fingers touched his face.

“I love you,” he said kissing her cheek again.

“Hey daddy will you help me with my dress?” Kelly asked, it was amazing how fashionable oriented she was. It wasn’t anything that he or Jackie did; it was something else, something that was more part of her character.

Kissing his wife one last time while rubbing her stomach he smiled. “A dress?” he asked smiling.

“She wants you to tell her she’s a princess” Jackie smiled. "Which means, yours truly is the queen” she smiled

“Ahuh” he smiled, “Whatever the queen want’s she shall get.”

“I want my handsome king to help out his princess, whle I prepare a most delicious meal.” Jackie smiled laughing a ltitle.

“Who says’ we have to eat?” Harold smiled kissing her again. Jackie looked at him shocked for a moment then laughed.

“Daddy” Kelly asked again.

Harold let Jackie go to attend to his daughter’s needs “What do you need?”

…


“How was work?” Jackie asked after her husband finally climbed into bed, she felt him move in close wrapping his hands around comfortably towards her stomach.

“Meetings, briefings, and lunch, Georgetown was really congested” he said resting his head on the pillow “Kelly said she was set on having a baby sister” he mentioned smiling; he wanted to leave his work at work.

“She’s been telling me she was praying for it since she found out." her lips turned up in a smile then faded "Harold” she paused turning into him, he had his eyes closed “Work, how was it” she asked smiling, leaning into kiss him. He gave her a soft kiss back in return, then another, gradually increasing the intensity. He was enjoying this reprieve from the day. He pressed his fingers over her neck sucking on her skin. Then he heard her groan softly as he moved towards her breasts.

Opening his eyes he looked at her, seeing she was still wanting an answer. “Long, I –“ he breathed out for a moment moving back up so he could kiss her cute nose, but before he did he finished his sentence “I don’t think I’m going to be here for the party”

“Baby, Baker’s been asking you to come for so long –“ Jackie whispered nuzzling her nose in close to his.

“I know, I’ve been being briefed on some where they want me to go and what they want me to do, but they haven’t given me a date." he puased, so much for leaving work at work "The way things are turning out-" his words barely left his mouth as he saw her eyes look down, to sad to meet his. He knew she hated being the berror of bad news "I’ll tell him” he replied.

“You will?” she asked her eyes looking up to see him. There was no answer as she feelt their lips touch as he kissed her mouth again.

“I will” he replied.

She nodded; he was true to his word, when he could make it possible, given that circomstances didn't pull him away before he could explain. “I love you” she smiled softly feeling him kiss her again.

“I love you too” he murmured softly. They lay in silence for another few moments before she heard him start back into talkinb about the baby. “And for the record, I think it’s a boy” he smiled his eyes closing again. He was pretending to start to sleep.

“What if it is?” she asked smiling sweetly as her fingers touched his face.

“Well it’ll be Thomas of course, after your –“

“But I don’t want to be calling him Tommy, no Harold. No” she said smiling at him, whining, she loved doing that to him, because he was a sucker for it, but he smiled without a word. Breathing out heavily for a moment she proped her arm on her pillow and leaned her head on her palm. Running her fingers through his hair as she suggested “What about Brian?”

“Last night you wanted Thomas, now you want Brian?” he asked smiling, his eyes were open now.

“Well let’s name Brian Thomas Littrell then” she smiled cunningly “I love how can compromise” she smiled

“Yeah, but what if Kell-lee’s right?” he asked, stretching a little.

“We’re not calling her Brianna Thomasina” she smiled wittingly then she added "I think it’s a boy" she curled her finger behind his ears tickling it for a moment with her hand "if not we’re calling her Jacqueline” she smiled.

“Uh-huh” she saw a laughing smile escape from the side of his lips as she ran the tips of her nails behind his ears.

“Yeah” she chuckled laying her head back on her pillow, moving in closer again for another kiss “I love you.” They kissed for a brief moment again before she smiled turning her back towards him. She felt him scoot up whispering he loved her in her ear.

She smiled hearing his words, closing her own eyes sighing happily. She was so blessed, she couldn't be more pleased.

Wait, on second thought - he cuddled in closer resting his hands along her 'bump' again caressing it- ok, she smiled loving the security and affection.He stayed there till they both fell asleep. Awe this was heaven for her. Even if she was pregnant.

It was around three in the morning when he heard Christian at the door, slipping out of the bed, he walked out. Picking Christian up Harold walked back with him to his room to sit with him for a few moments. However, Kelly and Baker had been woken up as well, and had come into Christian’s room to be with their father.


At Six, Jackie woke up automatically; it was something she was used to doing. Ready to turn around and greet a not-so-anxious husband, she felt around the bed, feeling it empty.


“Honey?” she asked drowsily searching towards the shower for her husband, he wasn’t there. She slipped out from under the covers walking to the door. Finding her youngest son’s door open she saw her children, all cuddled up across her husband as he was sleeping on the small couch. She smiled, finding it a perfect picture moment.


After she found her camera, she took numerous pictures before she thought, she should wake her husband so he wouldn’t be late for work.


“Harold” she smiled touching the only part of his body that wasn’t being slept on, his knee “honey, work.”


Then it was routine, as he quickly moved out to his room, taking a quick shower, getting shaved, clothed, and ready for the day.


Everything paused as the phone rang, Jackie went to pick it up “Littrell’s?” she answered her husband walked behind her.


“By. I’ll be home by seven-thirty” he said kissing her cheek taking his coffee from the counter.


“The phone’s for you” she said pulling the cord around her. He took it from her thanking her before he started to talk.

…


“Momma can I lick the bowl?” Kelly asked after her mom placed the cake inside the oven and shut the door.

“Here baby” Jackie replied pulling the bowl and a spare spoon onto a table.

“Mom!” Baker ran in, three of his friends following him “When’s dad going to be here?”

Jackie pushed a strand of hair away from her face “I’m not sure he’s going to be here honey, He couldn’t promise he’d be back.”

The phone rang “But” Baker pouted around.

“Baker, I’m sorry sweetie. Maybe this is him” she said as she walked to the phone picking it up. “Littrell’s” she answered.

“Mrs. Littrell this is Cindy, do you wish to be connected?”

“Yes” Jackie sighed, finally her husband was calling, only this sort of call usually meant he was still overseas. The phone clicked through, she was excited to talk to him “Hey baby, I miss you so much. Your son is sad you’re not here. You remember how you said you would talk to him?” she smiled through the phone, knowing he would find someway to make it up, and in the end Baker would be ok.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry this isn’t your husband.” the voice responded.

“Dick?” she asked, as she recognized the voice, her lips quivered, it was Richard Pratt.

“Jackie I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this…” Jackie felt her hands shake and her face grow pale, as all the blood left her cheeks, her head hurt, as she listened to the brutal discovery “The whole cabin was like a tinderbox. Everything was burned, the frames was all that was left of the plane.”

“There’s no body” she quivered, she was in a weird state, she was shaking but she wasn’t quite believing it.

“Danny was the only one recovered, he sent out the cable, he found your husbands belt after the crash. I don’t know how much details –“

“Everything” Jackie whimpered, Please tell me” she begged.

“It was like a fireball, we expect his belt was too hot because of the medal so he had to get it off, because there were fingerprints.

He was in the back though, it was where the explosion started, we’re sure it was hostile though; it must’ve been the engine. Danny’s in intensive care – Jackie?” he asked trying to make sure she was there, she had found a seat but couldn’t get herself to sit down as she pulled the cord with her “What do I tell my baby. It’s his birthday?” she chocked.

“Tell him, his dad was a hero, and you have the sympathy and compassion of everyone around you.”

…


“It’s a boy” the doctor smiled cleaning the baby off, making sure all his vitals were doing well. After cleaning him off the nurse handed her baby boy in her arms.

Jackie pulled the blanket down watching the small infants sleepy eyes open, their blue sea welcomed her smile, his little chin was irresistible as she touched it, feeling for the first time in three months that her husband’s spirit was with her, she felt comforted. His small tongue peaked out between his small lips then went back in.

“He’s a healthy baby,” the nurse said smiling, waiting for Jackie to let her smile at her child.

“His daddy would be proud” Jackie heard herself say, kissing his little fingers and thumb that had wrapped comfortingly around hers “Welcome to the world it’s your first day here” she smiled remembering her husbands words “Your daddy would be so proud” she kissed his small fingers, the small infant shuttered.

“Teddy” Jackie was in the bedroom, and had just found out she was expecting another child. He pushed her back on the bed; he bruised her jaw as his hand came across her face.

“Take it back bitch” he yelled at her, ripping her shirt.

“Teddy stop” she begged trying to push him away, he was forcing her hands down, as he moved over her. “Stop it!” she loosened her hand from his grip clawing his face. He turned his jaw sinking his teeth into her hands “she screamed, he let go with his mouth loosening his belt with his now free hand. After he had it undone he sat on her stomach grabbing her hands tying them behind her head with the belt, pulling them tightly around the bar that was at the top of the bed. After he was satisfied he ripped the rest of her blouse off then her skirt.

“I’ll kill this son-of-a-bitch” he yelled punching her stomach.

“Stop it! Please! Help!” she whimpered.

‘Stop screaming” he growled, feeling more power come from this conquering act, he shoved the ripped pieces of her shirt, balled up, into her mouth. After he had ripped her clothes from her he started in biting, hard, moving up over her breasts clenching his teeth around it. Jackie kneed him; he let go feeling his breath escape him.

“Mommy” her baby boy walked inside the room, it was partially open, he saw his mom look towards him.

She spit out the wadded material “Baby get out of here” she screamed fearing for her child. Teddy had done enough to scare him though, he looked at him and screamed.

“Alright you bitch” he said finally, dropping his shorts, he moved over again holding her knees down with his legs, he shoved in hard, hurting her, as she wasn’t physically ready to receive him.

“Please! Please stop” she begged.

…

Brian was two when he saw his mother raped for the first time, the episodes continued even after Jackson was born, he was frustrated but he couldn’t understand how to help the situation. Somehow all of Teddy’s money meant more than what his mother was going through. All his siblings were in a private school, and he was home with his mom.

He was three now, it was only two months after Jackson was brought home, his mom was sitting in the bathroom, puking over the toilet. “Mommy?” he asked walking in. Jackie lifted her face from the toilet; the makeup that was covering her bruises was coming off.

“Hey honey.” She smiled, getting up; she looked about the bathroom finding a glass of water. She picked it up, and gurgled most of it spitting it out. “Teddy’s coming home soon, what are you doing in here?” she asked.

“Mommy” he asked confused “Is Teddy my real daddy?”

Jackie moved her hair back, It was mussed up, and her lips were bruised “No baby, your daddies up in heaven.”

“Tell Teddy to stop hurting you.” He mumbled sadly.

“Jackie!” Jackie turned her head from her child to her husband. “Where’s my lunch!” he thundered as he walked in.

“It’s in the refrigerator,” she said timidly watching as he came near “Brian, honey go play outside.”

“I don’t know why I stick around here.” He said annoyingly “You didn’t wash my clothes either!”

Jackie felt her anger get the best of her “Then wash them yourself” she said standing up to him.

“What’d you say!” he walked closer to her, he towered over her, grabbing her shoulders shaking her.

“I think you can do a load,” she said again.

He pushed her back, she ht the molding on the doorway and then the tile on the bathroom floor. “You ungrateful little hore!” he pulled himself around and grabbed Brian by the overall straps bringing him up to his face before he let him hang. Brian was mortified he started to cry.

Jackie started to try and get up; she had hit her head hard on the tile. She ran up Teddy hitting his back “Stop it, Please let him down! Stop!” she screamed, to this Teddy laughed, smiling cruelly at Brian who was now feeling the pain in his groin from being held by his straps, he bit his small teeth into Teddy’s hand.

“You little!” Teddy dropped him. And Brian started to cry, causing Christian to do the same.

Teddy now turned to Jackie who was still clawing at him, he forced her against the back of the wall. Searching around frantically she saw a vase, picking it up she threw it at him.

“Now you’re going to get it!” he yelled.

…


Now Brian was four, he was sitting in the living room with his little brother, while his mother attended to his two baby sisters. His other siblings were around as well, quietly doing their homework.

Brian was exploring the carpet, and had found a cracker near one of the couches, picking it up he started to put it in his moth. Baker, seeing him, walked over and took it away “Don’t eat that, it’s bad.” He said, Brian looked pitifully towards his mother.

“But I wanted it!” he begged, trying to reach for it, Baker pulled it away.

“No” Baker said he walked into the kitchen and threw it in the sink.

Teddy walked into the house, taking his had off to leave it by the sink. He walked over into the dining room with a beer in his hands and sat down.

Jackie looked up at him from the babies “I’m going to look for a job, for the summer. Baker and Kelly and Chris can help around the house.” She said matter-of-factly.
…


The night Brian saw Teddy leave was the best night of his small life, he was throwing things in the kitchen, but Jackie had a knife to defend herself.

“Get Out!” she screamed.

“You can’t live without me. You know it. You can’t do it!” he said smiling.

“Get out Teddy, Or I’ll call the police!” she yelled, she was sick of this, for six long years she had suffered with this, she had seen what she was doing to her children, and to herself.

“Come on Bitch” he said tauntingly.

“Get Out of MY HOUSE NOW!!!!” she screamed, she knew how to use a knife, she could even defend herself if she really wanted to with hand to hand combat, given she wasn’t in a compromising position, which until the moment she didn’t realize she could change.

“You’re crazy! You’ll be callin’ me and beggin’ me to come back!” he hissed, smiling as he walked towards the door.

“I said get out!!!!” she threw one of the knives in his direction.

…


On August Tenth 1983, Brian remembered coming home from school to see a man in a black suit speaking with his mother.

“Mom” he came into the small front room. Jackie had spruced up the place, she covered the walls in bright colors, and had changed some of the furniture.

“Will you at least consider it?” A man said.

“Just a moment Brian” Jackie sighed, looking at the officer “Dick, I’m not going to do it, I know what he wants, it would be a nice position, but I can’t do that. Harold could keep secrets, but I, I.” she paused smiling half-heartedly “I can too, but I don’t want to, not anymore. I did it for him, because I wanted him to be safe. I don’t want to go through that again, not for me, not for my children.

“You would have a nine-to-five” Richard explained, “You would just be a secretary, you wouldn’t have to travel, you would be home more.”

“I only travel sometimes, and then I get the rest of the time to be with my kids. I can’t give this up.” She said hesitantly “I’m sorry Dick.”

The man smiled expressing that he under understand, but also that he was clearly disappointed “We’ll keep checking on you” he smiled “And who’s this?” he asked looking up at Brian, acknowledging him for the first time.

“Richard this is my son, Brian.”

“You look so much like your pa already.” Dirk smiled “I remember hearing about you a lot, well about how you were treating your mother well, by not making her sick.” He smiled.

Brian was confused, until now he had hardly heard anything about his real dad, he pushed the thought away though, if his dad was anything like Teddy was he wanted nothing to do with him.

Brain sat in the school parking lot waiting for his sister to come and pick him up. Her class wasn’t over for another hour, and he knew she was going to be late. It was hard, he rarely saw his mother for more than a day, she was always off on another trip. She explained to him why, he did know. It was the only way she could support her family. After what had happened with Teddy she swore she would never marry again. Ever.

She had tried several times to pull the money that her late husband, before Teddy of course, had put in stocks and bonds, but it was frozen, they weren’t set to roll over for another five years.

“Hey Kid” a boy about his age walked up to where Brian was slouched over “What’s your name?”

“Brian” Brian replied.

“Cool” he paused picking out something from his pocket “you wanna cigarette?”

Brian’s mind floated back to what his little brother did when he was five ‘You can’t have that, it’s bad!’ he heard him say. Ever since that day Brian wanted to get back at his older brother, badly. Here was his chance. He nodded standing up. “Yeah” he said meekly.

“Here, try it.” The kid said handing it over. Brian stuck it in his mouth, and watched as the lighter came closer to the end lighting it up, he sucked in and almost chocked on the fumes. The kid laughed. “You’ll get it.”

Brian took the cigarette out bending over, heaving, his lungs hurt he felt as if his head had a shot of adrenaline.
…


“Yo Brian” Drew walked up to him slapping him on the side “Hey you got the money?” he asked, Brian was almost always good to his word. He would take his lunch money that he was given again, to exchange it for the kick he needed.

Handing over the money he watched as the white powder wrapped tightly in it’s sack was put in his hands, he stuffed it in his backpack, and pulled out a package of cigarettes, then searched for his lighter “You got one?” he asked looking up at Drew.

“Yeah” Drew replied fishing around his pockets for his lighter “Here you go.”

The bell for middle school rang “Stupid bell.” Brian said as he lifted his cigarette to his mouth watching as Drew lit the end.

“So hey there’s a party over at my house. My Mom’s out of town.”

“So’s mine.” Brian said sadly “Too bad, I have siblings. You’re lucky being the only child.”

“Hey I want siblings, then I can torture them” Drew smiled “Put honey and gum in their hair. The fun would never end.”

“Yeah, did that once. The twins had a fit and they had to cut their hair.” Brian smiled.

“You Boys” Brian’s third class teacher waltzed out to see them. You’re late for class you know that?”

“Sure, Mr. Deleon” Brian pinched his cigarette between his two fingers “but you know we’ll never come.” He smiled.

“You better come, I’ll call your parents up. Both’a yours.”

‘There aint nothing you can do. We’re not on school property.” Drew smiled cunningly.
….


Jackie walked into the main office, her son was sitting in the blue chair with his feet curled around the front legs, his hair was mussed up, and his old grey shirt that used to be Chris’s was now full of holes around the neck seams. She had nothing to say, except to excuse her son’s behavior.

“Mrs. Littrell” the principal poked his head out of his office door “May I speak with you and your son, in here?”

Jackie nodded, looking at her son. Brian reluctantly stood up and followed his mother into the principal’s office. “I’m sorry for his behavior. I promise it won’t happen again. I’m a single mother,” Jackie said pressing her hand to her chest as she looked at the principal who was now shutting the door behind her, he invited his guests to sit down. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him. I know, he’s had it rough, his father died before he was born and the man that I married shortly after that wasn’t much of a role model.” Jackie could sense her voice starting to go faster as she tried to explain why her son was acting like he was “He is a really bright child.”

“Mrs. Littrell –“

“He used to be a straight A student, his oldest brother and sister have been looking after him, because I have to travel for work. It’s the only way I get the bills paid.” She paused; she was going to blow a gasket.

“Mrs. Littrell –‘ the principal tried again using his hand to try and calm her as he sat behind his desk. Brian looked dully at the floor. This was routine, his mother would cry and beg and the principal would nod and agree, then it would happen again, and again, and then eventually he would have to be transferred.

“If his father were alive” she paused, she was using that excuse again, it was becoming repetitious, and Brian rolled his eyes at the ceiling.

“Mrs. Littrell, I am going to give your son one more chance to straighten up. I expect him in his classes and to have his homework done. If you need a tutor there’s an after school program directed to children who have special needs –“

“I’m not stupid!” Brian said sitting forward, putting his feet flatly on the ground in protest “I’m smarter than all those stupid classes you give me!” he hissed.

‘Brian” Jackie tried meekly “Please honey. He’s only trying to help.”

“I don’t need his help, I don’t need anyone’s help –“

“Just give him a second chance” Jackie begged, “I’ll talk with him tonight about it, will sort things out.”

“Ma’am, in all due respect your version of sorting things out seems to be letting the situation slide by. I’m not the first person who has requested your son be transferred.”

“You don’t know what it’s like” Jackie felt herself loose it, tears were now streaming down her face “feeding seven children, on a low income wage” she sobbed.

“Perhaps welfare could help you out.” The man replied.

“I’ve done that, It doesn’t help me out, I still have to work. I have to be away from my children.”

“Ma’am, -“

“This is a waste of time.” Brian muttered, “Can we go now.”

“One more chance, please sir. I’m sorry for his behavior. I will try my best please.”

“One last time” the principal replied unenthusiastically.

….


Once they reached the car Jackie stepped inside, and buckled her belt, Brian did the same waiting for her to turn the car on.

“Brian” she cried looking at him “You can’t do this all your life. I need you to take responsibility for your actions. We can’t move, this house is being paid for us. You understand!” she felt herself start to loose control “Don’t you understand this is all we have. This is it! You have this, this addiction, and it’s wasting your life away.”

Brian looked ahead, his mind was on his hands that were now shaking, he wanted his next fix, it was in his backpack though, and he couldn’t get it out now.

“Baker and Kelly are trying their best to help you. You can’t keep shutting people out.”

“They don’t care.”

“Baker has cut back his hours at work to take care of you. He’s moved back in the house!” Jackie sobbed, looking at him. “Can’t you appreciate that?”

“I don’t want a Dad!” Brian yelled, “You said it yourself. Dad Died!”

“It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make him proud.”

“I don’t know anything about him. Why should I care!”

“He was a good man, that’s why you should care.”

“The only dad I ever knew was Teddy, and he was a stupid idiot.” Then Brian glared at her “And you married him!” he growled.

Jackie felt her words stick to the back of her throat. She couldn’t speak anymore. She turned the ignition, but the car only clicked “please start” she begged, turning the key again, it started then shut off.

“I’ll walk home.” Brian said getting out of the car, he slammed the door behind him, Jackie watched as he disappeared.

“I’m doing the best I can.” She whimpered softly, looking at her disheveled face. She wore no makeup; she stopped that a long time ago, she couldn’t afford it. The lines of stress and sadness were what formed her face. “Look at me. Would you even recognize me if you saw me?” she asked, as she sometimes did. Wishing for a moment her husbands ghost was with her. “It’s too hard” she wiped under her eyes again looking at the empty seat. She sighed, turning away from her imagination, looking back at the key, she turned it again and watched as the car turned on, the engine had finally kicked in.

“Mrs. Littrell’ she heard a voice, turning she saw the principal.

“Mr. Dailey” she sighed a little shocked, looking at her window. It was broken as well; it was stuck in the open position.

“If you want to give that tutoring center a try, here’s the information.” He handed her a small card.

“Thank you.” She replied, “I’m sorry again.” She sighed shakily.

The principal smiled, then paused as if he was going to say something, but didn’t, Jackie looked ahead slightly worried then back up at him. “is there something else?” she asked.

“I was wondering if you would do me the honor of letting me take you to dinner.” He replied.

“I can’t” she replied hastily.

“My treat, it’ll be short. I’ll even let you buy something for the kids.” He said kindly.

“Mr. Dailey I couldn’t, it’s –“

“Please” the principal smiled “please join me.”

“But my son, my –“

“They’ll get along for another twenty minutes.” He replied.

Jackie looked up, it wouldn’t be a date, just a dinner, a good dinner, and he was offering to pay for her kids, it would be a treat for all of them. She smiled “Alright.’

Jackie pulled into the parking-lot and pulled her purse out slamming the door shut before she ran inside, her hair was a mess, and her appearance even worse as she finally found her desk, she sat down behind it, placing her earpiece in her ear and pulling the thin wire around so was just below her lips.

“Jackie.” She heard a voice, one that was as angry as a hornet that had had its hive disturbed. Looking up she saw her boss.

“Hi” she moved her hand over her desk, and knocked over her cup full of pens and paperclips, looking at it for a moment she ing.

“You know how many people want your job?” he asked, his glasses tipped over his nose.

“A lot” she replied leaving her things as they were giving him her full attention.

“You’re forty-five minutes late.”

“I’m sorry the power went off again, and my –“ she stopped. He wouldn’t care.

“You’re paid to be here on time, and looking professional.” He went into his routine speech.

“Yes sir” she replied looking down her hands fell to the ribbon on her hand; she rubbed her thumb over it, feeling a small amount of comfort.

“I suspect you get here on time” he replied “and hide that piece of string on your arm, it looks ugly.”

Jackie pushed it up further, under her sleeve, nodding, waiting till he left her area, before she started to take calls.

…


Brian took off his clothes and laid them on the bench in the men’s dressing room, he then took out his towel from his bag and placed it beside around his on the bench. Since school gym hadn’t started yet, he knew no one would be there; he walked into the community showers and turned the first one on.

Bursts of water flowed over his body, he felt it softly pelt his skin, waiting for a moment to judge how loud the water was as it spilled onto the tile floor, he felt himself start to cry.

He was hungry, he could feel his stomach hurting from the night before, and what was left of his food money was now a white chalky powder that was supposed to relieve him from this reality.

He couldn’t talk to anyone in his family, because no one understood, all they wanted to do was to tell him what he was doing wrong. Even his own mom. She was never there to see what he did right. When tied his own shoes, when he went to his first day of school.

He rubbed the soap over his skin and his hair washing his body over as he cried, he felt his cravings come again and shut off the shower walking to the edge to find his towel.

The bell had rung now, and he knew the guys would soon be coming in for gym class. Quickly he grabbed his things and walked into a stall. Changing quickly into his same dirty grey, holey t-shirt and baggy jeans he walked out of the stall and shoved his things into and empty locker.

…


He walked into his third period class and sat down. The teacher without a word placed a piece of paper and pencil in front of him. Then started the class off with a long lecture about 7th grade Geography. It soon bored Brian and he started tapping his feet on the floor, then found that boring as well. As another few minutes passed Brian started to doodle on a pad of paper, drawing a picture of his house, almost in real-life detail. As he started to shade the roof he heard a voice come over the intercom.

“All students will need to stay in their classrooms, everyone will need to be out of he halls. Please return to your classrooms immediately.”

Brian looked up from his drawing. It was almost finished; he would just need to fix some small details.

“Charles” the teacher said stopping his lecture “would you please shut the door.” The boy in front of Brian nodded, stood up and walked to the door shutting it then returned to his seat. Brian returned to his shading

“What’s going on?” a girl asked timidly.

“A routine drug sniffing test” the teacher answered. Brian looked up from his paper; they would be searching all the lockers including the gym lockers. He found himself standing up.

“Can I go to the bathroom?” he asked.

The teacher snorted, “Didn’t you hear the announcement, no one leaves the classroom.”

Brian’s agitation was quickly turning into anxiety “I don’t want to piss my pants.”

“You can hold it.” The teacher said then went on with his lecture. Brian nervously sat back down, and started back into his shading getting more nervous as the moments passed by.

The bell rang for the next class but still the teacher would not release them “not until we have the all clear from the –“ he had started to say just before an officer stepped into the room.

“Is a Brian Littrell here?” the man interrupted the teacher. Brian felt himself sink in his chair.

“He’s right there.” The teacher pointed towards Brian.

He swore under his breath, how could he have been so stupid, he left his bag in the gymnasium locker room. Standing up he left his paper and walked towards the officer, then followed him out the door.

“Jackie you have a personal call on line three” a woman from the cubical next to Jackie leaned over the separator to tell Jackie. Jackie stopped her call looking up at the woman, who nodded then shrugged and disappeared again.

“I’ll transfer you now” she said ending the call with her customer; she switched the line “Hello” she greeted the caller.

“Mrs. Littrell, this is principal Dailey, I’m going to need you to come down here. It’s about your son.”

Jackie looked about her desk confused then off to the side where she could see the door to her bosses office “I can’t” she replied “What’s the problem.”

“Your son.” Mr. Dailey replied “We found Meth in his backpack at school today.”

“Jackie dropped her head in her hand as she shrunk over in her seat. How could this happen, not now. She couldn’t leave no. Her boss would fire her.

“Can’t you hold him there for a few hours?” she asked “please”

“I’m sorry Jackie” he called her by her first name “I can’t, he’s suspended, either you come get him or he goes off to juvy.”

Jackie looked around rubbing her head, she wanted to cry again, and she tugged at her ribbon on her wrist with her other hand “Please Charles” she begged one last time.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

Jackie nodded, she stood up and looked over at the women in the cubical beside her “Ellen would you cover for me. Please” she begged.

“Brian again?” Ellen asked smiling, Jackie nodded “Sure sweetie” she smiled “I’ll tell him you’re in the restroom doing lady things and having cramps. He won’t bother you for at least fifteen minutes” she smiled wittingly.

Jackie smiled “Thank you. Thank you so much.” She grinned and sat down to pick up her things. After she had cleared up everything she raced for the door of the office and ran out to her car.

…

She walked inside the doors of the main office in Brian’s middle school, knowing she couldn’t beg her way out of this one. “Is Mr. Dailey here?” she asked resting her hand on the counter.

“He’s in his office, he’s expecting you,” the secretary said looking up. Jackie nodded and walked back into the door opening it, she saw Brian sitting in a chair looking out the window. The principal cleared his throat and Jackie looked towards him. He was sitting at the desk, her son’s old backpack sat on top opened. Beside it was a sack some sort of white mineral material. Jackie knew what it must be, she could only presume.

Shutting the door behind her and sat at the table putting her hands nervously together.

“Jackie, I can’t have this here.” He said flatly, he was all business today “Your son is ready to leave right now –“

“I’m sorry” Jackie replied. Brian looked over at her, all he saw was a shaken figure, he glared towards her. “Thank you for giving him another chance.” Jackie said trying to mask her sadness with a smile. She stood up and took the bag, leaving the packaged cocaine behind, she looked at Brian to have him follow her, but the principal spoke up.

He’s going to be spending the week in juvenile penitentiary.” The principal responded. Jackie shook her head; the last thing she wanted was her son leaving to some mockup of an institution

“I don’t have a choice, it’s not my call.” He replied looking at Brian, he’s agreed to go out peaceful with the police and they won’t cuff him and embarrass him while he’s accompanied out to the car.”

Jackie nodded, there was nothing else she could do, she looked at her son, bending down her hands shaking she looked at him. She was so enraged. How could he disgrace her like this?

Brian showed no emotion, he was good at that, he wasn’t going to say anything, he outwardly acted as if he reveled in her pain, but inside he was torn. He wanted to yell and scream, to get it all out. To tell her what he was really going through. How all he wanted was her home, he wanted his mother. He wanted her to act like a grown up, to be stable, for him. He glared at her masking his feelings before he walked out the door with the police who met him on the other side.

Jackie sighed shakily, and followed him out not wanting to face the principal again.

Once she was outside the room she was approached by one of Brian’s teacher, he handed over a piece of paper “I thought you might want this” he said handing it over, Jackie looked at the paper seeing a life-like drawing of her home, down to the last detail on the doorknob.

She had seen some talent show through sometimes with Brian. He would sing in the shower, incredibly on pitch with a high range. She tried to encourage him to take music classes, but he had no motivation. His drawing was something he could do on his own, something he hid from her a lot of the times. She started not to ask him about things like that, that’s how some their silence started. They had taken so many steps in this wrong direction, she had lost the pathway as much as he had, and felt she had no way to help him back, everything she tried was thrown back at her. Just like this was now.
…

Brian felt his shoulders slouch as he was let inside the back of the car; he had learned to hide his tears. He learned to suppress his emotions, become unresponsive to everything around him.

They drove for he didn’t know how long then let him out; then walked with him to the front room.

“I need all your valuables” Brian nodded and handed over his shoes, that was all he had “Alright, change” the women said.

“With all these people here?” he asked, there were officers and other staff members there all in view of him.

“Yes” she replied unemotionally. It was an invasion of his privacy, but still he started to take off his socks and then his pants, then his underwear and his old shirt. “Turn around” she instructed, “Shake yourself, and tip your head over.” He did as he was told.

Satisfied to know he didn’t have anything hiding she gave him a pair of dull blue clothes.

…

Jackie slipped into her seat again and started back in with her calls, but she found herself wanting to break down at ever moment. Her boss walked in to ask how everything was going with her work.

She nodded and replied it was going as expected.

That night as she was alone in her room once again she felt her heart sink. Why was her baby giving her so much trouble? She walked over and sat at her vanity opening the dresser again, looking in the box at the wedding bands again. Wondering how much they would be worth now. She expected a lot, but how much she was uncertain.

“I was going to save them for Baker and Kelly.” She said holding them in her hands. “But I guess I could see how much they’re worth now.” She reasoned. Then she scolded herself. She knew it was priceless, and it made her feel like she was dishonoring her husband by thinking of it now.

She replaced them back in the box under the letters, and shut the lid and then the drawer and walked back to her bed just in time to hear a knock at the door.

“Mom” it was Ashley.

She walked to the door to open it and looked at her daughter “Hey sweetheart” she smiled softly.

“Is Brian going to be alright in there?” she asked “in Juvy?”

Jackie picked her daughter up. she was now ten, but she was still small “Yes” she whipped a hair from her daughter’s face “They’ll take good care of him.”

“Can I come sleep with you tonight?” she asked looking at her.

“Of course” Jackie smiled “Go get your bear.” She let her daughter down.