Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Hughes
Announce the marriage
Of their daughter,
Amanda Rose
To
Nickolas Gene Carter
On Saturday, the fourth of August
Two Thousand and Seven
Sacred Heart Catholic Church
Tampa, Florida

Three months. Sure, it’s a long time, but what can change for a person in three months? Not much, right? I mean, my trip to Zimbabwe was a three month endeavor and I had definitely missed my friends and family. Everything seemed as though it hadn’t changed much, but I hadn’t even landed back home yet. I mean, what could really change in three months? Over my time span in Africa I had realized a lot of things. After seeing people die daily from a disease like AIDS or from hunger I had realized just how short life was. And with that realization came my confession of love for a close friend. He had always been there for me and I had finally realized that I, too, loved him just as much as he loved me.

“Why the hell is that a bad thing, Sar? I’m admitting that I love you, dammit!” Nick sputtered out of anger and threw a pillow from my full sized bed across the room, smacking against the window.

I sighed heavily with tears threatening to pour out any second. I folded the last of my clothes into the oversized suitcase and wiped at my eyes hastily before turning to him. “Thank you, Nick.” I mumbled.

“Thank you?!” He spat back. “Are you fucking kidding me, Sarah? I tell you something like this and you say thank you?” He shook his head and ran his fingers through his blonde untidy hair. “I’m sorry…I don’t want you to be pissed at me before you leave…it’s just…I don’t understand.”

“I know,” I mumbled and quickly pulled my shoulder length light brown wavy hair up into a high pony tail. “I get it, okay? And you know I love you, Nicky. You’re my best friend. I just…I can’t commit to you right now. Listen, Africa is my top priority right now. I want to help these people.”

A small smile finally graced Nick’s lips and he walked over to me to wrap his arms around me. “That’s why I love you. You put other people in front of yourself always. You’re amazing.”

I tried to hide my blush in the crook of Nick’s neck. I managed a small smile. “But listen. I’m going to be gone for three months. I don’t want you waiting for me to come back, okay? When I get back, we’ll see where we’re standing and then we’ll decide where we want to go from here or whatever…”

Nick sighed, unsure if he wanted to agree to my decision. I gave him a small pout, hoping it would entice him to comply. “Fine,” he muttered and rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna miss the hell out of you…”

“Good,” I smiled, trying to break the ice. “Maybe you’ll see how I felt every time you deserted my ass whenever you went on tour.” I winked and he just laughed.

God, I hoped our feelings hadn’t changed. I knew mine hadn’t. Instead, my feelings for Nick Carter had grown so much I couldn’t wait to see him to tell him just how much I loved him.

“Sarah fucking Marie!” I smiled at the familiar sound of my roommate’s voice.

“Nice to see you too, Andy,” I laughed as she threw her arms around me in a tight hug.

“God damn,” Andrea, better known as Andy, smiled and finally pulled away. “Don’t ever do that to me again, understood? I was freaking lost without your ass.” She winked and nudged me playfully as we began our walk to the luggage belt. “How was Africa? Absolutely amazing?”

“Better than amazing,” I smiled and swung my carry-on bag over my shoulder. I glanced around to see if anyone had accompanied Andrea to the airport (specifically him). I didn’t make it too obvious. “I got to work with all these homeless kids and families that were sick and needed food. It was so rewarding.”

“That’s awesome,” Andrea smiled and helped me locate my single suitcase. “I still can’t believe you survived with one suitcase.” Andrea scrunched up her nose and shook her head.

I rolled m y eyes. “It wasn’t like I had anywhere to put more clothes, anyway.” I smiled and followed her out to her black SUV. “So, anything new and exciting happen while I was gone?”

“Uh…” she paused. I frowned. “Not really.” I knew it was a lie, and that surprised me. Andrea and I had been best friends since high school, almost eleven years now. We always told each other everything. Nothing went unsaid.

“Why the hesitation, Andy?” I frowned.

“What hesitation?” She frowned and shook her head. She sighed and finally agreed to spill the beans. “Your mom is throwing a huge ‘Welcome Home’ party and I wasn’t supposed to say anything. Oops?” She giggled and I shook my head with a laugh. Somehow I didn’t fully believe Andy. Sure, my mom was always the one to throw the surprise parties but there was something else she wasn’t telling me. The way she tapped her thumb nervously on the steering wheel only partially gave the hidden secret away. I decided not to mention my suspicion and just let it go. “But promise me you’ll be surprised? Your mom really put a lot of thought into this…”

“Absolutely,” I smiled. No problem. “Where’s Carter? I thought for sure he’d come with you to the airport to pick me up.”

“Oh, uh,” again with the damn stuttering. “He’s helping your mom with the party, I think.” She mumbled and began to gnaw nervously on her thumb nail.

“Why the hell are you so nervous?” I scowled, beginning to get fairly pissed with her for lying to me. “Listen Andy, I don’t know what the hell is going on but it sure is more important than a damn surprise party if it’s getting you this nervous. You tell me everything. Now what’s up.”

“I can’t tell you, Sarah. It’s not my place,” she shook her head. “You’ll find out, I swear…oh God.” She mumbled and closed her eyes. Whatever it was, it was obviously bad.

“No one’s sick, right?” I guessed, a nauseous feeling taking over my stomach. She shook her head violently quickly fading that feeling. “Okay, good.” I sighed and glanced out the window. I loved Florida. I had really missed the Tampa air, though it wasn’t that good for you and Africa was much more beautiful with nature. There was something about the Gulf that never ceased to amaze me. Something about the ocean air.

“Promise me you won’t get hurt today,” Andrea whispered softly. I glanced over and saw tears in her eyes. A frown came over my brow as she continued. “Just, don’t ask any questions.” She closed her eyes momentarily and then went on. “Just promise?”

I swallowed a lump in my throat. My God, whatever it was, it had to be bad. And unfortunately? I had a bad feeling it had something to do with Nick Carter. That seemed to be when Andrea began to get insanely nervous. “Fine, Andy…” I sighed, giving in to her wish. “I…I promise I won’t get hurt.”

I still didn’t understand, but I figured it might be best that way. “Thank you,” she sighed in relief and continued driving. “Because you are my best friend and I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” I mumbled. Somehow my heart and brain weren’t really into it all. A smile formed over my lips as we pulled into the driveway of my parents’ house. My mom and dad were the greatest parents a girl could ask for. My mom had always been my best friend and my dad had always been my mentor. They were the couple that stayed together for true love, not because of the kids. Being the oldest of three, I recognized their love when I was young and wished deep down someday I could experience the same thing. I couldn’t help but blush when I thought about Nick and just how much he meant to me. He seemed like the perfect person to spend the rest of my life with. We had already known each other for so long. I had met Nick when he was eight and I was six. Two years apart didn’t make much of a difference with Nick Carter. I was always more mature than him, anyway.

As we parked the car and got out, Andy sighed and called after me. “Sarah, wait! I don’t want you to get hurt…” she bit her bottom lip.

“Why the hell would I get hurt, Andy?” I frowned and folded my arms across my chest. After she didn’t respond, I continued. “Listen, I don’t know what the big secret is, but it can’t be that bad. Besides, I’m too excited to care. I haven’t seen my family and friends for three months! I just want to go say hi to everyone, okay?” I tried to assure her I would be fine by placing my hand on her shoulder and giving her a small smile. “It’ll be okay.”

“Can I get that in writing?” I heard her mumble as we walked in. As soon as the door to the big white house swung open, I was blown away by a house full of people all yelling out, “SURPRISE!” I smiled.

“Sarah! Honey, we are so glad you’re home!” My mom attacked me first with a great big hug, my dad not far behind her. “How was Africa? We are so proud of you! We want all the details and to see lots and lots of pictures!” She exclaimed, not allowing me to get in a single word. I laughed.

“Africa was great,” I smiled and kissed my dad’s cheek. “I can’t believe you invited everyone over!”

“Absolutely!” My mom smiled. “Everyone was really thrilled to see you.” She smiled. “If you want, you can go upstairs and get freshened up a bit…” I had completely forgotten I hadn’t showered in three days and hadn’t really had clean clothes to wear home. No make-up, no hair. It was all a mess.

“Okay,” I smiled and hurried upstairs before anyone else saw me. After a quick shower and decided on wearing a black tube top and jean shorts, I hurried back downstairs. I really wanted to see Nick.

“Oh, here she is now,” my mom smiled from the doorway of my dad’s office where the famous Aaron Carter was standing with a cheesy grin planted on his lips. I ran my fingers through my damp wavy hair and hurried over to let him envelop me in a hug and spin me around. I squealed and watched as my mom left to entertain other guests.

“So how was Egypt?” Aaron joked and winced as I slapped his arm playfully.

“Africa?” I corrected and he shrugged as if he didn’t care. “It was absolutely amazing. I really want to go back someday.” I smiled. The question was lingering over my head. I had used Aaron more than once to get information about Nick, so what was one more time? “So, where’s that ass of a brother of yours?”

“His ass of a brother is standing right behind you,” I heard Nick clear his throat and smiled. I spun around and leaped into his arms.

“About damn time,” I mumbled in the crook of his neck. He laughed and spun me around some more. “I thought you might come to the airport with Andy to pick me up…” I playfully pouted. He seemed to be…distracted? If that was even the right word.

“I was…busy,” he shrugged and kissed my cheek gently. “Listen, Sar, there’s something I have to tell you…” he sighed and dropped his voice to a whisper. He gently grabbed my arm and pulled me to a side hallway to try and isolate ourselves. I frowned, unsure of what exactly he had to tell me. “You were gone for a really long time…” he started slowly. “And I know before we left we talked about you and me possibly being together and we agreed it would be best for us to stay the way we were and talk about it once you go back.”

“Yeah…” I frowned and folded my arms over my chest, protecting myself.

“Nick, there you are, I’ve been looking all over for you…” a tall blonde woman smiled as she approached us. “Hi!” She exclaimed when she saw me. “You must be Sarah!”

I looked back and forth between Nick and the woman. “Amanda,” Nick sighed. “This is my best friend, Sarah. Sarah, this is my fiancée, Amanda.”

Fiancée. That word stung almost as if he had slapped me himself. I had been polite, but quickly excused myself. I hadn’t seen my sisters since I had been there and figured that was as good enough an excuse as any to disappear. I hid my emotion until I reached the bathroom. Then I lost it.

“Sarah?” I heard Andrea knock outside the door. “Babe, I saw everything. Come on, let me in.”

“You knew, didn’t you?” I tried to whisper through my sobs. “God damn you! You knew he was with her and you didn’t say a fucking thing!”

“Honey, I tried to tell you!” She tried to defend herself. “I really wanted to but I knew it wasn’t my place. Come on, please let me in?” I didn’t want to. I knew I was almost as pissed at her as I was Nick. But she was there to console me and be my comfort. I had no other choice. I unlocked the door and let her in. “I really am sorry.” She whispered as she closed the door behind her and pulled me close for a hug.

“T-The sad thing is,” I hiccupped through a sob. “I knew this w-would happen. He’s Nick fucking Carter.” I mumbled through sobs. Andrea soothingly ran her fingers through my hair. “S-She’s like a walking Barbie. I knew it. I-I knew he wanted more than a pudgy, dirty hair virgin like me.” Andrea suddenly pushed me off of her chest so she could look me in the eye.

“Who the hell told you that you were a pudgy, dirty hair virgin?” She asked seriously. I hiccupped back another sob and shrugged.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m not a skinny stick Barbie. My hair isn’t platinum, it’s ‘dirty blonde’. And I’m a virgin, for Christ’s sake,” I muttered unhappily. Andrea shook her head and sighed.

“You are beautiful, Sar. Your hair? I would die for it. You have these crazy waves in it that girls like me pay money for. I have stick straight red hair that you can’t do a damn thing with. You are not fucking pudgy. That girl? She’s eating-disorder-skinny. And that’s scary,” Andrea smirked. She was making me smile. She was always good at that. “And the virgin part? Honey, no offense or anything, but I’ve been with a good…handful…of guys,” she smirked as she tried to pick the right word to say. “And let’s just say I know what guys like…and guys like virgins. Besides, who wants to just give that away? Trust me. It’s not worth it.” She shook her head and wiped a tear from my cheek.

“T-Thanks, Andy,” I sighed and hugged her again. I had finally started to calm down, but the idea of Nick getting married still made my stomach churn.

“Okay. Now, you stay here. I’m going to run upstairs and find your make-up to fix you up a bit. And possibly try to find your sisters. They were almost as pissed about this whole thing as you when they found out,” she sighed and quickly disappeared.

Engaged. Nick Carter, engaged? Who the hell would have thought that one up? I know I hadn’t. The only time I had ever thought Nick would be engaged would be if it were to me. I hadn’t even allowed that thought to cross my mind until a week into my Africa trip. I watched my reflection in the mirror. Why had he moved on so quickly? Nick was never the committed type when it came to relationships. Ever since his Paris Hilton days, he hadn’t really had a steady relationship. He was more of a once in a lifetime kinda guy.

“Knock, knock,” Andrea sighed and opened the door slowly so no one would notice anything suspicious. “I didn’t want to bring your sisters in here right now…it would look a little weird.” She smiled. “But they are waiting upstairs. So after I’m done beautifying you, be sure to go say hello.” I loved how she could be vulgar and a typical twenty-four-year-old one minute, and then a wise, mature woman the next.

“Okay,” I sighed as she took the concealer and began to work on my face. “Can you at least tell me the story of how this happened?” I mumbled and opened my eyes to look at her.

She sighed and I watched her look away for a minute, then look back. “I-I don’t know, Sarah…”

“I’d rather hear it from you than from him,” I whispered, not allowing any more tears to fall down my face. She nodded and continued to rub in the concealer.

“Fine,” she mumbled. “Well, a few days after you left, Nick called. He was pretty bummed that you were gone and asked me if I was interested in finding a club somewhere around here to go and chill for a little while. I went, along with Casey and her boyfriend.” She referred to my twenty-two-year-old sister, Casey. “Well, we went to this new place in Tampa…honestly, I don’t remember the name of it. Nick got insanely wasted and…well…he left with her.” Even Andrea sounded disgusted just saying his name.

“You mean, they went home together?” I swallowed to try and moisten my throat. She just nodded. “How many days had I been gone?”

“Three? Four, maybe?” She sighed. “I am in no way trying to defend him, Sar. I just want you to know…it was really hard on him. You know how he handles difficult situations – he turns to alcohol and sex.”

“But did he not realize it was hard on me every time he disappeared on tour?” I tried to keep my voice level, but it was very difficult. The tears resurfaced and I couldn’t control it anymore.

“Oh, honey, please don’t cry,” Andrea muttered, tears forming in her own eyes. “I knew this was a bad idea.” She muttered. “Listen, you should really try to steal him away and talk to him.”

“Not when I’m like this. I think I’d rather just avoid him for the rest of eternity,” I pouted and wiped away the tears from the corners of my eyes. “Seriously. He is such an asshole to show up here with her. Who does that? We never really ended things. We just agreed that we’d discuss it once I got back.”

“I understand,” she nodded. “I really do. But you can’t avoid him forever. You need to get this resolved.”

I didn’t want to resolve shit with Nick Carter. He was an asshole, he obviously lied when he said he loved me, end of story. But somehow I knew that wasn’t good enough. I knew this wasn’t the end.

I finally emerged from the bathroom almost twenty minutes after everything had happened. I didn’t want to be rude and stay cooped up in my room for the entire day when everyone had come to see me.

“Sarah!” I smiled as my twenty-two-year-old sister, Casey, ran over to me. We were mistaken for twins, most of the time. Same hair color, texture and body build. The only difference was that Casey’s face was covered in freckles from being in the sun way too frequently. “I am so, so sorry.” She whispered as she pulled me in for a hug.

“I don’t want to talk about that right now,” I whispered and continued to allow her to embrace me. Her hugs were always so great and made me feel better. “We’ll have plenty of time to cry over ice cream and chick flicks tonight.” I winked and she nodded.

“Sarah! I am so glad you’re home! Mom and dad were about to drive me crazy!” Allison, my nineteen-year-old sister rushed over and threw her arms around me. Allison, on the other hand, was the complete opposite of Casey and me. While Casey and I spent our younger years playing sports and camping, Allison was the type that jumped into cheerleading, gymnastics and dance. She was blonde, like our mother, and was stick skinny. But she was also one of my best friends.

I laughed and hugged her back. “You’re the one that decided to live at home for college. Casey and I both warned you that it was a bad idea.” I smiled.

“Yeah, but normally I’m never home. I’m usually at your apartment or Casey’s apartment. But Casey’s been having her summer exams and won’t let me sleep over,” a small pout folded over Allison’s lips. I rolled my eyes and put an arm around each sister.

“Sarah?” I heard from behind me. I was pissed to turn around and see both Nick and Amanda standing there. How dare they approach me again? Did he not realize how crushed I was the first time I had to see him? Nick licked his lips and sighed. He looked almost as uncomfortable as I did. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure,” I nodded and excused myself from my sisters. “What’s up?”

“Well,” this girl named Amanda started. I cocked my eyebrows at her. “I know what a good friend of Nicky’s you are and I was wondering if you’d like to take part in the wedding?” She smiled a toothy grin. I wanted to vomit. Be a part of the wedding? I wondered if she realized the only part I wanted to have was the part of the bride.

“O-Oh…” I stumbled over my words and glanced up at Nick. He nodded with a solemn expression. Why wasn’t he more excited about the situation? This was his wedding, for Christ’s sake. “Um…like, be a bride’s maid?”

“Yeah!” She nodded excitedly. “Nicky is having the boys all be groom’s men, along with his brother, so we figured we’d have five and five.”

“And you don’t want one of your other friends to do it?” I frowned, completely not understanding this woman. She didn’t even know me! Why in the world would I be one of her bride’s maids?

“Well,” she sighed and glanced up at Nick. Just from the looks the two of them exchanged, I could tell she agreed with me. “Nicky here really wants you to be a part of the wedding…” she began. Nick cleared her voice and she quickly tried to correct what she had said. “And I do too! I would love to get to know you better.” She was so fucking fake it was almost humorous to watch.

“Well,” I sighed, as well. I watched Nick. He was practically begging with those bright blue eyes of his. “I would love to.” I lied. I’d really rather kill myself. I muttered to myself. But it meant a lot to Nick, I could tell.

“Perfect!” Amanda exclaimed with the superficial tone I had already been able to detect. “Well, since I’m leaving tonight, I’ll call you when I get back in the states so we can get together and go dress shopping with the other bride’s maids.” Leaving town? What?

“Where are you going?” I frowned, the nosey side of me coming out.

“Italy,” she beamed. “I’ve always wanted to go and so my father’s taking me for my twenty-first birthday.” I tried to keep my eyes in their sockets as she said that. Twenty-one? This woman wasn’t even legal to drink yet. Why did he like her so much?

“How…fun,” I smirked. “Listen, thank you so much for allowing me to be one of your bride’s maids. I have to go greet some of the other guests…have a nice trip.” I tried to squeeze out of that conversation. I made my way into the kitchen once more to see my mom talking to my Aunt Mary and Uncle Doug. They weren’t my Aunt and Uncle by blood. They had been friends of the family since before I was born, and I had always called them my relatives. “Aunt Mary! Uncle Doug!” I smiled and nearly jumped on them.

“Hey sweetheart,” my Aunt Mary smiled. She kissed my cheek and pulled back. “I am so proud of you.” She put her hands on either side of my face and kissed my cheek.

“Aw, thanks,” I blushed and hugged my Uncle Doug, as well.

“I brought the tent for your trip,” he smiled at me after I pulled away from the hug. A frown creased over my brow as I tried to think of what he was talking about.

“What trip?” I asked, glancing around the room at my parents and Aunt and Uncle. Suddenly, it hit me. “Oh crap, the camping trip.” I mentally slapped myself. Every year since I was ten, my family would go on a camping trip. I had invited Nick the first year and ever since, it became an annual thing. We would leave the fourth of July and be away for two weeks. “Uncle Doug, I don’t think I’m going this year. I mean, tomorrow’s already the fourth and I just got home.”

“Nick’s going, though,” he frowned. “I told him you were going.”

“Nick’s free to do whatever he wants,” I said. “I just don’t think I can go. You all will have just as much fun. Take pictures for me?” I kissed his cheek and excused myself once more. There were still rounds to make. I almost bumped into Nick and tried to hurry away from him, avoiding all conversation.

“Nick! Sarah!” Uncle Doug wouldn’t give up. I sighed and turned around, plastering a smile on my face. “Nick, Sarah said she doesn’t want to go this year on the trip…”

“What?” Nick frowned. God, sometimes he was such a dumbass. “You always want to go. Sarah, we’ve been taking this trip since we were kids. We’ve been doing this for fifteen years.”

“Yeah, I know,” I sighed and folded my arms across my chest. “It’s just that I just got home and I have so much unpacking to do and I’d really like to get settled and try to find a job.” It was then that it hit me I still wasn’t receiving income. I had quit my job months ago before I left for Africa and was temporarily living with my parents again. “I really want to move out and back in with Andy.”

“You can…after the trip,” Nick made it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. “Amanda’s leaving tonight for Italy and your Uncle Doug and I have already packed up the jeep with a tent and everything…” I rolled my eyes and sighed. Why was this a big deal? “Please, Bear?” Sarah Beara was a nickname my Uncle and Dad gave me when I was little and it stuck with Nick.

I folded my arms across my chest and laughed at the pout I was receiving from the twenty-five-year-old. “Fine.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll go.”

“Call me from your cell phone when you get there,” my mom smiled. My mom and Aunt Mary never went with us. Casey, Allison and I went with my dad, Uncle Doug and Nick every year. My Uncle Doug had gotten a tent that divided up into three rooms – my dad and Uncle Doug each got their own portion, then typically Nick would sleep in the portion with Allie, Casey and I. He was like a brother. It was never a big deal until I started forming a huge crush on him the summer when I was thirteen and he was fifteen.

“I think we should go out and rent one more tent,” my dad sighed as he watched Nick and I tackle each other in the sand. I could barely breathe, he was tickling me like crazy.

“Dad, it’s not a big deal,” I laughed. I think he thought we couldn’t hear him from our position on the beach, but I definitely could. “You should just relax.”

“Sarah Marie,” my dad’s voice became stern and I groaned and stood up to walk over to him.

“Dad, I promise nothing will happen,” I touched his arm gently. “And if it does, you can ground me for a month. Nick’s my best friend. I’m just excited because I haven’t seen him in so long since he’s living in Orlando.”

My dad cracked a smile and nodded. “Fine. But watch the physical contact. Your sisters are younger than you and I don’t want them getting any ideas,” he winked. “Oh, and lights out at 10:00.”

“Dad,” I whined.

“No buts about that one, Sar. Your sisters are younger than you and Allison’s usually in bed by 10,” his firm look made me sigh and walk away.

*Later That Night*

“Nick, do you even know where we’re going?” I whispered so we wouldn’t get caught. It was 11:00, almost. I had convinced Nick that we could get away with sneaking out one of the zippers without getting caught. My dad and Uncle Doug were too enveloped in a conversation by the bond fire.

“Yeah, I told you before. My dad and I used to go fishing out here all the time,” Nick mumbled as he helped us climb into a canoe. “Grab that paddle.” He pointed to the side, so I did.

“Aren’t there gators out here?” I shivered as I passed him the paddle and wrapped my arms around myself. Nick just laughed and shook his head.

“Don’t worry so much,” he laughed. It was dark, but the silver shine from the moon shone down on his blonde hair and illuminated his blue eyes. He was gorgeous and I was beginning to realize it.

All of a sudden, I heard a boom and crackle and watched in the reflection of the water as the sky lit up. A small gasp came from my lips as I tried to turn around and see the beautiful colors in the sky. “Wow, it’s beautiful out here!” I exclaimed softly.

“I know,” he laughed. “Why’d you think I wanted to bring you out here?” He muttered and stopped paddling. “Last year when we were out here I left the tent because I had to go to the bathroom and I saw these fireworks. I figured if we went out far enough in the water, we’d be able to see things a lot better.”

I smiled and nodded. I scooted farther back in the canoe so I could look up at the starry sky. “It’s so beautiful out here, Nick.” I whispered. “Not just the fireworks. The stars, the water…everything’s perfect. I love it.”

Nick stared down at my head that was only inches away from his face. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he placed his finger under my chin and turned my face to look at him. It was then that he introduced me to my first kiss. His lips felt so soft; so perfect. The kiss was short but amazing. “You’re my best friend and I love you.” He whispered. I didn’t know what to say. So instead I hid the smile on my face and watched my emotions blow up in the sky and distract the pounding in my heart.

“What are you thinking about?” Nick yelled over the wind blowing all around us. I glanced around and noticed we were probably still about thirty minutes away from the park.

“Stuff,” I shrugged and ran my fingers through my hair. I glanced at him and tried to muster a smile.

“You were gone for a while…” he trailed on. Something was wrong. Ever since I had gotten home, I had noticed that something was seriously wrong.

“Yeah, I know, Nick,” I sighed and looked out the window. “Long enough for you to get engaged.” I was hoping he didn’t hear me. I have a problem with saying whatever the hell pops into my head sometimes.

“Sarah, please don’t bring that up. I swear I’ll explain everything,” he tried to keep his voice below a whisper so my sisters wouldn’t hear in the backseat.

“You don’t have anything to explain,” I shook my head and finally turned to face him. I looked deep into his eyes and spoke loud enough for him to hear. “It’s your life, Nick. Not mine.”

I saw the frustration in his beautiful blue eyes. The way they fluttered and he threw his sunglasses on only gave it away just a little. I sighed and turned in my seat to face my sisters. “You guys ready to be sleeping buddies again?” I smirked and pulled my sunglasses down so I could look them in the eyes.

“Um…dad brought two tents, but one is for you and Nick,” Casey frowned. She knew I was struggling with Nick, why the hell would she force us to practically sleep together.

“I know…” I muttered. “But I was thinking. I haven’t really been able to spend much time with you guys lately. Nick can have the second tent. I’ll squeeze in with ya’ll in the other one…”

“There’s not enough room,” Allison smirked. I silently raised my eyebrows and gave her the death glare. They were trying to force Nick and I to work out our problems. This wasn’t the first time they had tried to “interfere” with my relationships.

“Then I’ll sleep outside the tent,” Nick spoke up, obviously paying close attention to our conversation. “If it was such a big deal, Bear, you should have told me before we left and I wouldn’t have gone…” he muttered. I sighed and faced forward in the seat.

“Did you not understand that I didn’t want to come on this damn trip?” I muttered and looked out the window. I heard him sigh and watched him rest his elbow on the edge of the jeep. “Whatever.” I complied and rolled my eyes. “I’ll try to find an open cabin or something once we get there.”

My brain was forgetting the fact that it was the week/weekend of the fourth of July. There wouldn’t even be an open camping ground for a tent, let alone an open cabin. We’d make it work. We didn’t really have much of a choice.

“Sarah! Dad and Uncle Doug finished up our tent so we’re going to go down to the water and see if we can find an open canoe!” Casey yelled from a few steps down the road.

“Whatever,” I mumbled. “We’ll catch up.” I sighed as I watched Nick desperately trying to set up this tent. “Will you just look at the directions, please? We’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t.” I turned the instruction manual over in my hands, trying to study the way to put this thing together.

“I’ve…got…it,” he said slowly so he wouldn’t say something he would regret. I rolled my eyes and tossed the paper in his direction. I pulled the elastic from my wrist and put up my long dark brown hair. I watched Nick as he bent over to hammer something into the ground. God, this man was gorgeous. He was right. I needed to know what happened. I needed to know why he didn’t wait and what this Amanda girl had that I didn’t. “See?” He broke me out of my trance. I had to smile. He was right.

“Fine. If you have it under control, I’m gonna catch up with my dad and see if I can get a canoe,” I said and headed off down the path, completely ignoring Nick.

“Would you wait a damn minute?” He yelled as he caught up and grabbed my arm abruptly. I spun towards him and looked around.

“People are starting to stare, Nick,” I whispered. I tried to push the tears quickly filling my eyes to the back of my mind. I couldn’t cry in front of him. It wasn’t like I hadn’t before. It’s just I didn’t want to make myself so incredibly vulnerable. “Just let me go, okay?”

“We need to talk,” he muttered and continued to stare me down. His eyes were captivating. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

What was wrong with me? Was he serious? “You’re kidding me,” I shook my head. “What’s wrong with me, Nick? Shouldn’t I be asking you what’s wrong with you? Nick, I disappear for three months and I come home to…this.” Nick sighed and took my arm, slowly pulling me over to the side of the lake. There was a dock there, so we both sat on the edge and dangled our legs over. “Sorry. Just disregard that last statement.”

“I’m not going to disregard that, Sarah. We need to talk about it,” he mumbled and ran his fingers through his hair. “I understand why you’re upset…I do. It was really hard when you left, you know? I felt…lost.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Was he serious? “Nick, even your thick skull should be able to comprehend this…you left me multiple times to go on tour. Every time I was practically heart broken because you’re my best friend. I leave once for three months and you feel lost?”

“Sarah, everything happened so fast,” Nick tried to explain.

“I’m not going to ask you to explain why you’re marrying this woman,” I mumbled under my breath and looked away momentarily. “That’s not my place. But I’m also not going to try to understand it myself. It’s your life, Nick.”

Nick finally let go of my arm and I stomped off. I wasn’t interested in hearing the gushy details about how in love with her he was. I didn’t understand how in three months Nick could find the woman he was supposed to be with for the rest of his life. “You didn’t tell me.”

I turned around and folded my arms across my chest to face him. “I didn’t tell you what?” I sighed.

“I told you that I loved you before you left,” Nick sighed and walked up to me. I could clearly see the tears in his eyes. “I told you and you didn’t have anything to say back…”

“Are you fucking kidding?!” I wanted to yell and scream but I figured I already had a big enough audience from the attention Nick was drawing, I probably should just keep my voice under a whisper.

Nick frowned. “No, Sarah, I’m not kidding. Do you want me to recap?”

“No, I don’t want you to recap,” I rolled my eyes. I’d be damned if I was going to tell him I loved him now. There was no way I would confess to that. Not right now. Not after being slapped with his engagement. “Nick, if you’re going to stand here and tell me that you had no idea what my feelings for you consisted of, then either you’re dumber than you look or I did a really bad job at expressing myself. And honestly? I think I did a great job at informing you how I felt.”

“You said you couldn’t commit to me. You said that Africa was your top priority. To be honest with you, I took that as your way of easily letting me down,” Nick looked down at the ground.

I bit the inside of my lip. I understood how he could read my actions that way. And to be honest? Maybe it was better that way in the long run. Maybe this was what was supposed to happen. I was supposed to go away for a few months, confuse Nick with my mixed signals and him fall in love with someone else. Maybe that’s exactly how things were supposed to work out, rather not work out. Nick was famous. He needed a blonde Barbie to walk through the rest of life with, not someone like me. I imagined marrying someone and living in a big two story home in the country with blue shutters and a white picket fence, a lake behind the wraparound porch. “That’s exactly what it was. I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” I muttered and began walking again.

“Then why is this such a big deal?” Nick yelled, this time causing more heads to turn. “Jesus Christ, Sarah! One minute you make it sound like I’m evil for leading you on when all this time I feel like you’ve led me on. Then the next minute you tell me you don’t give a shit and tell me to basically go fuck myself.”

“I never told you to fuck yourself,” I rolled my eyes and spun back around again. This time, Nick was right there in my face.

“In so many words,” he muttered. He didn’t sound upset like before. Now he only sounded angry.

I sighed and took a few steps back. “You’re getting married in a month. Why does it matter anyway?”

He shoved past me. “You’re right. It doesn’t.”

I watched as Nick rowed off on his own in his own raft. “What happened? You two were supposed to be getting closer,” Allison whined from her spot behind me in our raft. Instead of canoes, the campsite offered rafts to go white water rafting. I was the only one out of the bunch that had never been before, so dad stuck me with Allison and Casey. Nick went off on his own, then dad and Uncle Doug got their own raft. I sighed and looked back at her.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? He’s getting married a month from today, Al. There’s no way we’re ever going to get closer,” I mumbled and began to row in the water with my ore.

“That’s not what Casey and I thought,” Allison snickered. “Think about it, Sar. You’ve seen it done in movies hundreds of times before. The guy thinks he’s in love with someone else, when really all along he’s been in love with his best friend. Then they end up married in the end.”

“That’s in movies, Allison,” I rolled my eyes. “My life wasn’t a movie the last time I checked.”

“Just think, you have one month to steal him away,” Casey shrugged. “You’re so much better than her, Sarah. She’s nothing like you.”

“Maybe I should take that as my hint. Nick is obviously interested in other girls,” Sarah shrugged. The water began to move at quicker pace as the water began to move quicker and stronger. “We should probably turn back here.” She sighed. Casey and Allison exchanged glances. With a nod of Casey’s head and before I could say anything else, the two girls began to rock the canoe back and forth. “What are you guys doing?” I questioned hastily.

“We’re doing you a favor!” Casey yelled over the sound of the waves.

“Case, stop it!” I yelled back, but it was too late. Sooner than later, our entire raft had flipped over. I reached up to grab a hold of the slick underside of the raft, but my fingers slipped and I couldn’t grasp it. Casey and Allison managed to climb up and flip the boat over. Just with my luck, the waves picked me up and began to carry me down the river. One of the only things I had learned from white water rafting was to not put your feet down and try to touch the bottom. It would only make the situation worse.

“Sarah!” I heard Allison and Casey scream. I knew they would set me up. “Nick, Nick!” Casey yelled into the walkie talkie as they began to row down the stream to try and help me.

“I’m here, what?” He questioned back from his walkie talkie.

“Sarah fell out of the raft…the whole thing tipped over,” Casey explained with a smirk tugging the corners of her lips. “We can’t catch her. You have to help her before she drowns!” She yelled as if she was worried. They watched to make sure I didn’t hit my head or hurt myself. They weren’t planning on hurting me; they just wanted to set Nick and I up. Somewhat understandable, but I wasn’t exactly pleased as I was floating down the river.

“Ow!” I yelled out, just to give them a little scare. Casey’s eyes grew in horror as she watched me float farther and farther away. Their boat got caught on a few rocks, halting them.

“Nick, hurry!” Casey yelled into her walkie talkie. That was the last thing I heard as I continued to float down the river. I figured I might as well try to save myself since my sisters had failed. I noticed a tree branch dangling over the river and reached up to grab hold of it. As soon as my hands grabbed on, the water only pulled harder. The branch went through my hands like sand through your fingers at the beach and I felt the pain from the burning sensation.

“Shit!” I yelled as I brought my hands into the water to see the red from the blood that was surfacing on my hands.

“Sarah!” I heard someone yell from farther down the river. I looked to see Nick had “parked”, so to speak, his boat on the bank of the river and was standing there in a t-shirt and swimming trunks. “Hey, try to swim towards me!” He yelled again. Before I passed him, I tried kicking my legs to get closer to him. I was immediately repelled from the current and thrown back into my path of movement. This wasn’t a joke anymore. My heart began to pound in my chest so loudly that I could hear it in my head.

“Nick!” I yelled as tears flooded my eyes. I looked around helplessly and felt my back bend in an unusual way and a pain shot through my side. I yelled out in pain as I maneuvered my body to turn. It was then that I saw the large rock I had hit while I was traveling backwards down the river.

“Hold onto that, Sarah!” Nick yelled. I did as I was told and rested all of my weight against the rock. It wasn’t too difficult since the current was pushing me into the rock. I watched carefully as Nick maneuvered his way into the water where he was only ankle deep. He was strong enough to keep standing even though the current was strong. He held the end of his ore and pushed the other end out to me. “Take one hand and grab it.” He yelled over the water. I swallowed the lump in my throat and did what he said. Slowly he started to pull me towards him until I was close enough to stand. I nearly collapsed on top of him.

“T-Thank you,” I stammered as I held onto his shirt for dear life.

“God, are you okay?” He asked quickly as we made our way safely to the bank.

I sat down in the grass, tears streaming down my face as I tried to nod. He uncapped a water and handed it to me. “I-I thought I was going to die…” I sighed and quickly wiped my tears.

“You’re okay…” Nick leaned in and put his arm around me comfortingly. I felt his lips trace my forehead and a small smile was able to find its way on my lips. “I’ve got you now, you’re okay.”

“Sarah, I still can’t believe you fell out of the raft,” my dad tried not to snicker as we dined by the fire. I rolled my eyes and shoved a grape into my mouth.

“It’s not funny,” I shook my head and glared at my two sisters. I hadn’t spoken to them since the incident. “I really could have been hurt. No one seems to care.”

My dad shrugged. “We all know Nick would never let anything bad happen to you.” He muttered.

I sighed. “Yeah, whatever.” As soon as I finished saying what needed to be said, I heard a boom up in the sky. I was glad to be distracted by the fireworks just about to begin. I was hoping Nick wouldn’t ask what he was bound to ask.

“Are we gonna go?” He whispered.

I sighed, again. I honestly didn’t know what to do. Every year since our experience in the canoe on the water, Nick and I would disappear to the lake once more, watching the explosions of colors in the sky. “I don’t think it’s really appropriate, Nick.” I said truthfully.

“Just because I’m getting married doesn’t mean we can’t be friends!” He exclaimed. Instead of watching the fireworks, everyone seemed to be watching us. I stood up from my seat on the log and walked towards the water. I didn’t want Nick to follow me, but I didn’t know what else to do. I needed to get away from everything.

“Go back to the fire, Nick. Or go out on the water on your own. Either way, count me out of it,” I folded my arms across my chest and plopped down in the uncomfortable sand. I wiped hastily at my eyes. I wasn’t sure whether I should be mad with Nick for moving away from me so quickly or be sad that he was slipping away so quickly.

“Bear, talk to me,” he whispered and sat down next to me. “If you don’t love me then why –….”

“That’s the fucking problem, Nick!” I tried not to yell. “I’m in love with you and I don’t know what the hell to do about it. I’ve loved your ass since you kissed me in the canoe all those years ago.” I couldn’t believe I had said it. Our faces were only inches a part. I knew what was bound to happen, so I turned my head. I couldn’t look into his sea blue eyes anymore. I couldn’t see him like that anymore. “And you’re going off and leaving. Do you even know her, Nickolas? Three months? How the hell could you get to know someone in three months?”

Nick was clearly taken back by my confession and my question. He put his hand up to stop me. “Slow down, okay?” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Why couldn’t you have told me this months ago?” He sighed and shook his head.

“Because months ago I didn’t realize I had to reserve you before you moved on,” I mumbled and stood up from my place on the beach.

“Where are you going? This conversation isn’t over,” Nick scrambled to his feet and walked after me.

“Chill, I’m going to get a drink,” I sighed and pulled my hair back into a messy pony tail. “I have a feeling tonight’s going to be a long night and I’m going to need it.”

“Gee, thanks,” Nick rolled as we approached the pub on the campsite. “Love you too.” He muttered sarcastically. I spun around to say something bitchy but I stopped and shook my head. “I didn’t mean…well…I kinda did…”

“Nick, just stop,” I shook my head and approached the bar. “You don’t have to explain anything, remember?” I sighed and smiled at the bartender. “Just give me the strongest thing you’ve got.” I sighed and smiled back at Nick sarcastically. “No offense, or anything.”

“Bear,” he sighed.

“Could you stop with that nickname, for Christ’s sake?!” I sighed and nearly threw my hands in the air. Nick looked offended. “How would you like it if I started calling you Pookie or something absolutely absurd like that, huh? Better yet, how would Alexandra like it?” I tilted back the small drink the bartender had presented.

“It’s Amanda,” Nick rolled his eyes and corrected. I nearly downed the entire drink in one sip.

“It’s called the Mamba. My specialty,” the bartender winked. “You might wanna slow down.” He chuckled.

Nick grabbed my arm pulling me away from the bar. “I wasn’t done,” I tried to shake his grasp, then felt the effect of the alcohol already sinking in. “Holy shit, he wasn’t kidding.” I giggled.

“Lovely, just what I needed,” Nick sighed and put his arm around me protectively and to balance me as we made our way out of the bar. “Amanda knows how important you are to me.” He tried to explain. “You’re someone irreplaceable, Sarah.”

“Oh yeah, I’ve heard that one before,” I rolled my eyes. “And look at you now! You’re getting married!” I threw my head back once we had reached the beach. The stars and fireworks were so beautiful out here. The stars were beginning to blur – both from the liquor as well as the smoke from the fireworks.

“Sarah…” Nick sighed. He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “I know you’re probably not going to remember this tomorrow morning…but things would be different if you had confessed to me months ago that you loved me. Because I love you too.”

My head was pounding. And something was falling on the tent. I peeled my eyes open and looked around. It was still fairly dark outside. The sound was rain. And my head felt the way it did because of…ah shit, the Mamba. Damn alcohol. I wiped the beads of sweat off my forehead as I felt as though I was about to throw up. I knew I was in the tent with Nick (thanks to the blonde hair peeking out from underneath his sleeping bag and the snoring coming from his end) and I really didn’t feel like throwing up in front of him. I quickly unzipped the tent and ran to the lake, the rain pounding against my back.

After a few minutes of heaving, I felt a hand on my lower back. “You okay?” I turned to see Nick squinting through the rain, his hair plastered against his forehead. All he had on was a pair of boxers.

After getting sick, I’m not one to have enough strength to smile, continue conversation and walk back to my bed. So instead, I collapsed against him, my chest heaving with every gasp I took in. “God, I feel like shit.”

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head comfortingly. “I’ve never seen you so drunk so fast before. Whatever was in that drink was incredibly toxic.” Nick joked. “You wanna go back?”

“Actually, I think the rain is good for me right now. You can go back, though,” I sighed. I didn’t feel like sitting down in the mud, but I would if I had to. I was still in my clothes from the night before.

“Nah, its fine. I’ll stay out here with you,” he smirked. He continued to hold me and I continued to not care. It wasn’t until a few moments later that I realized his arms were wrapped tightly around me. A small smirk was able to form over my lips, only to be thrown away by another rush of nausea. As I turned quickly in Nick’s arms, he held my waist as I bent over so I wouldn’t tumble into the lake.

“Damn, please remind me never to drink again,” I shuddered. Nick chuckled and continued to help me get through this horrible excretion of the alcohol. After about twenty minutes had passed, Nick swept me off my feet (literally) and carried me back to the tent. I was completely out of it. All I could make sense of was Nick stripping me of my clothes. “What the hell are you doing?” I tried to scramble away from him. “I’ve never known you to take advantage of wasted girls before.”

Nick rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Would you just shut up and cooperate? I’m not trying to rape you,” he laughed as I calmed down. I was putty in his fucking hands. Dammit. “I’m trying to put you in more comfortable, warm clothes. You’re physically shaking, Sar.”

“I’m fine,” I mumbled, realizing there were goose bumps on my arms and legs. “Maybe a little chilly…” He laughed at my stubborn nature and decided to dress me anyway. I felt tired…but I couldn’t seem to fall asleep. “Nick?” I whispered after a few minutes had passed, the rain still coming down hard on the top of our tent.

“Yeah?” He frowned. I had remembered what he had told me earlier in the night…every word, to be exact. He had admitted that he loved me too. Part of me wanted to bring that up, but the other part of me took over and I changed my mind.

“This tent is waterproof, right?” I smirked. Nick laughed and nodded. “Good, ‘cause that would really suck if I woke up drenched.” Nick frowned as if he didn’t believe that was really what I wanted to ask him, but he let it go anyway. After a few moments of silence, I chirped up again. “What made you ask her?” Even though it was fairly vague to any outsider listening in, Nick knew exactly what I was talking about.

“Aren’t you exhausted yet?” He laughed, trying to throw out the question.

“Answer the question,” I rolled over on my side and studied his face. He seemed so perfect. His face was much thinner than it used to be, only making him that more attractive. I had noticed him losing the weight before I left, but he had really pulled through these last few months.

“I don’t know…” he mumbled and played with a thread from his sleeping bag. “Just go to sleep. You’re going to wish you slept through the night in a few hours when we wake up to go on that hike…” he winked. He rolled over as if to physically end the conversation, but I wasn’t done. Whenever I was drunk I was usually very outgoing. During my hangovers I tended to be just plain obnoxious.

“Do you love her?” I asked softly. I wasn’t sure why, but I could feel tears forming in my eyes.

“Why all the fucking questions?” He began to get angry and rolled over to face me. “Yes, I love her. I asked her to marry me because I love her, okay? She means the world to me.” Those last six words about did me in. Didn’t I mean the world to him?

“Oh…” I nodded and rolled over to my side, away from Nick. “Okay.” I whispered as a few tears rolled down my face. Luckily it was dark and Nick couldn’t see, but he knew he had upset me. He sighed heavily and scooted closer.

“Listen to me,” he whispered. I didn’t want to.

“Don’t worry about it, Nick. I shouldn’t have pressured you, whatever,” I shrugged and tried to close my eyes. Part of me wished this was all just a bad dream.

“Of course I’m going to worry about it,” he sighed once more. “You mean a lot to me, too.”

“But not the world,” I emphasized, my speech still slightly slurred from the alcohol. He tried to stifle the chuckle. It wasn’t funny. Maybe it sounded funny, but it wasn’t meant to be funny.

“Sarah, listen to yourself,” he mumbled. After I stayed silent for a little while, he continued. “Listen, I don’t know what I want right now, okay?”

What the hell was that supposed to mean?