Chapter 1
The sun had just rose in the Littrell house as all the occupants still remained asleep. Nick rolled over and gently snuggled closer to Brian, his blonde hair rubbing in the man’s face. Just as he was getting comfortable the baby monitor next to him went off. Both shot up in bed sleepy eyed looking at each other.
“It’s your turn Nick,” Brian groaned
“Brian I fed them 20 minutes ago,” Nick whined
“I changed their diaper 10 minutes ago,” he replied
“But I didn’t get any sleep!”
“Nick… we’re on a schedule baby”
“…fine…”
Nick got up slowly as he slid his feet into his bunny slippers. He dragged his feet as he made his way to the twin’s bedroom. Groaning he approached Penelope’s bed as she sat there crying her heart out.
“What’s the matter Princess? Why aren’t you sleeping?” Nick asked as she continued to cry.
He picked her up and tried to soothe her as she continued to cry. Making his way down stairs the sun reflecting off the white tiles of the kitchen floor nearly blinded him as he stepped into the room. He put the crying child on the counter as she started to quiet down.
“You want Baba?” he asked
She nodded her head as she rubbed her eye. Nick handed her, her sippy cup as she took a sip of and the tossed it on the floor. He sighed as she continued to scream rubbing her eyes. Nick peered closer to his daughters face trying to remove her hands.
“Stop rubbing your eye and let daddy see!”
Sniffling she removed her hand as he looked at her eye.
“Oh my god… BRIAN!” Nick screamed, “Brian get down here!”
A thud sound was heard upstairs followed by the rushing of feet. Brian stood in the kitchen door way panting; eyes still closed with sleep in them.
“What’s the matter Nicky?”
“Come here and look at Pee Pee,” he cried
“What’s wrong with her,” he asked approaching the little girl.
“Look at her face!”
Groaning Brian cupped the child’s face, “Is that… is that what I think it is?”
“Pink eye! She has pink eye!”
“Calm down Nick, it’s not like its cancer, it can be-”
“Oh my god, we need to call the doctors and make an appointment right away!”
“Nick it’s not that-”
“Oh no…” he paused, “We need to check Dylan for pink eye as well,” he shouted darting up the stairs, “How could this have happened!”
Brian shook his head as he rubbed the little girl’s head.
“Daddy is what we call a psycho. That means that his brain is broken and he needs to get glue to fix it”
She chuckled, “Broken brain!”
“Yeah, broken brain”
Nick appeared downstairs again with a sleepy Dylan in his arms. The little boy fussed as Nick put him on the counter next to his sister.
“Daddy…” Dylan whined
“Hush, Daddy is making sure you’re not sick!”
“Nick I think he’s ok”
“You know nothing! NOTHING!!!”
“Daddy… I feel fine…”
“No you don’t, look at you, you look paler than usual”
“Nick you just woke him up-”
“Silence!”
Pulling out the thermometer he unsuccessfully tried to place it in Dylan’s mouth.
“Don’t wanna!” he moaned
“Open your mouth or I’ll take away your bed!”
“Nicky you can’t take away his bed. Where is he going to sleep? That’s considered child abuse you know,”
Nick sighed, “Fine… I’ll take your toys away and dress you in Pee Pee’s clothes!”
Dylan’s eyes widened, “No!”
“Haha got cha!” he cheered
Brian turned the facet on letting the cool water soak the rag in his hand. He approached Penelope again and placed the rag on her face. She squealed for a second but when calm down.
“Don’t take that off just yet,” Brian instructed
“Can I take it out now?” Dylan asked
“Fine,” Nick sighed, “8.89! Oh my god it’s worse than I thought!”
“What?” Brian asked
“He’s dying! Oh my god Bri our baby boy is dying!”
Brian took the thermometer out of Nick’s hands, “Nick you had it upside down”
“I don’t wanna die!” Dylan screamed
“Dill don’t die!” Penelope cried
Brian glared, “Nice Nick, now they’re both crying…”
“I don’t wanna die!” Dylan kept screaming
“No no baby, you’re not going to die,” Brian assured, “Daddy can’t read, it’s ok”
“I can too read!” Nick exclaimed
“Yeah ok, you just told a 5 year old he’s going to die”
“Don’t say die!” Penelope cried
Brian sighed, “No one is… no one is going to heaven ok? Dylan is staying right here with you”
“Really?” she asked with big bright blue eyes
“Really”
“Why daddy say I was?” Dylan asked
“Because daddy’s brain is broken,” Penelope stated giggling
“My what is broken?” Nick asked glaring in Brian’s direction
“Broken brain, daddy said you have one. When I go get fixed you get your brain fixed?”
“My brain is just fine, it’s daddy’s butt that is going to hurt later”
Brian smirked, “Oh really now?”
Nick rolled his eyes, “Shut up, now’s not the time for dirty talk!”
“Dirty talk?”
Nick winced, “It’s uh… it’s stuff grown ups talk about that little kids shouldn’t discuss”
“Like the time you said fuckery?” Dylan asked
“Nick!” Brian shouted
“Dill I told you not to repeat that!”
“Nick how could you say that in front of him!”
“I didn’t mean to Bri! I didn’t know he was in the room with me!”
“Oh my god, my son’s a potty mouth and hasn’t even started kindergarten yet”
“Can we please call the doctor now?” Nick groaned
“Fine, but don’t think you’re getting off the hook just yet!”
Chapter 2
Nick sat nervously in his chair as he carefully eyed everyone in the room around him. He shifted his eyes towards a woman and her screaming child. The child wouldn’t stop crying and the mother was doing nothing about it. Brian took notice of Nick’s trance while he tried to soothe Penelope in his arms.
“Nick stop staring,” Brian said
“I can’t… that kid won’t stop crying,” he whispered
“You know how it is to have a screaming child in-”
“Yeah but at least I try and calm them down! She’s just letting that kid scream his head off like no one else can hear him.”
“Nick just leave-”
“Excuse me miss,” Nick called
The woman snapped her head up, “Yes?”
“Can you please stop your child from screaming? Mine is very sick and the last thing she needs is a headache as well.”
The woman cocked her eyebrow, “You make him stop,” she snapped
“Excuse me? Isn’t he your child?”
“Yeah that his good for nothing father left in my care so now I’m stuck with him!” the woman groaned, “Patrick shut up!”
“Look that is no way to treat your child,” Brian injected
“Don’t you two have some poor pathetic woman to con her uterus from so you can spawn the perfect children that don’t know how to scream every fucking minute?”
“Haha she said fucking,” Dylan giggled
Nick’s face paled, “No Dylan, don’t repeat that!”
“Fucking!” he continued to shriek
“Oh my lord…” Brian groaned
“Thanks a lot! Now that you have just introduced my 5 year old to a dirty word, he can now coexist with the population of behavioral children. An organization that I am pretty sure you run, since your pathetic soul has nothing to do but blame someone else for why they can’t be a good parent. I strongly suggest that you spend a little less time looking like a teenaged hooker and more time being a parent!”
“Penelope Littrell?” a nurse called
Nick stood up taking Penelope from Brian and holding her in his arms as he walked towards the door. Before entered the room he paused to look at the woman who still remained horrified at Nick’s remark. Brian got up holding Dylan’s hand as he caught up with Nick.
“Good day madam,” he said leaving her to her thoughts.
“When did you learn to speak like Kevin?” Brian questioned
“Ah, I think it’s the mommy juice I got from being pregnant.”
“The same mommy juice that-” Brian was quickly cut off
“Shut it! No more dirty talk from now on.”
They followed the nurse into an empty examining room. Penelope clung to Nick’s shirt as he placed her on the examining table. When he tried to let go she still gripped his shirt. Sighing he pried her small hands from his clothing and placed them on her lap. She pouted, her round chubby cheeks looking like a blowfish.
“It’ll be ok. The doctors going to look at you and you’ll be all better. No more itchy eye!” Brian said with excitement.
“I remember the first time we came to the doctors…” Nick mumbled.
Brian smiled, “Yeah we found out-”
“That I was going to go through hell and that I’m partially a woman.”
“You are not partially a woman. You’re still a man just unique.”
“I suppose… do you think Dylan has the same condition?”
A silence filtered through the room, “I have never giving it any thought to be honest. I wonder if there’s a way to test him for it?”
Nick started to pant, “Oh god… the last thing I need is for both of my kids to be giving the special pep talk!” he whispered.
“Nick we’re supposed to talk to them about it.”
“Yeah but he’ll have to get both special talks…”
“That’s only if he’s like us. He could be a hetero person. When the time comes and he grows up he can make all the choices on his own and we’ll go from there.”
Just then the office door cracked opened. Brian and Nick stiffened their posture as the doctor walked in. He had his back turned as he was shuffling through papers. As he turned around Nick let out a yelp, “You!” he screamed. Startled by his outburst he dropped all his papers.
“Nick! You scared him.” Brian said.
Nick shot up out of his seat, “Brian! Do you know who this is?”
“No…”
“It’s that crazy witch doctor from our fucking honeymoon! The one that knocked me up!”
“Nick language!”
The doctor looked from the both of them, “Mt. Littrell I can assure you that I wasn’t-”
“Liar!” Nick shouted.
“Nick!”
Suddenly Penelope started to cry loudly rubbing her eye feverishly. Brian got up and rushed to her side to try and calm her down. Nick took the opportunity to grab the doctor by his collar. The doctor’s eyes widened with fear as Nick pinned him against the wall.
“This is personal now…” Nick hissed.
“I’m going to call security!” the doctor yelled.
The door to the room opened pushing both Nick and the doctor aside. “What is going on in here?” she asked. Everyone froze in the room except for Penelope. Nick let go of the doctor and backed away.
“This man impregnated me!” Nick shouted.
The nurse raised an eyebrow, “What?” she said weirdly.
“I don’t know what he did but he knocked me up. Don’t look at me that way he touched me! I want to file a lawsuit!”
Brian clamped his hand on Nick’s mouth, “We’re fine.”