Prologue

It was a warm Boston day that had started like any other. The Backstreet Boys were in the middle of the second-leg of the United States Black and Blue tour. Brian Littrell had just dropped his pregnant wife, Hayden, off at the airport. She tired easily these days and had made the decision to stay with friends in Los Angeles until the tour was over and they could finally prepare for the arrival of their child.

Moments earlier, Brian had walked his wife through the crowded airport to United Airlines gate nine. Donned in a backwards University of Kentucky baseball cap and a pair of dark sunglasses, Brian led Hayden to a secluded corner of the holding area to wait for Hayden’s flight to be announced.

Brian turned to Hayden and smiled softly. “I really wish that you didn’t have to go.”

Hayden slipped her soft hand into Brian’s and leaned against his shoulder. “I wish that I didn’t have to go either, but the baby and I have had about as much of this crazy schedule that daddy keeps as we can take.” She laughed softly as Brian groaned playfully and kissed the top of her head.

“Yeah, yeah.” Brian paused thoughtfully for a minute, then continued. “You know, I’ve been thinking about something.”

“What’s that?” Hayden asked as she sighed sleepily and closed her eyes.

“I was thinking that maybe I would tell the guys that we should take a break. You know, finally take some real time off.”

Hayden sat up as quickly as her five-months pregnant body could handle.“You’re quitting?”

Brian laughed at the mortified expression on his wife’s face. They loved each other as much as two people possibly could, but he knew that the thought of having him at home all the time, bouncing off the walls and driving her crazy was an insane thought to Hayden.

“No, not quitting and you don’t have to look so disgusted by the thought of spending more time with me,” Brian chuckled. “No, I just meant taking a while off between records. A year or two, maybe. Just long enough for me to get some real time with my family to raise a baby in a normal, happy, healthy home.”

Hayden smiled softly and her eyes twinkled. “You’d really do that for us?”

“I’d do anything for you.”

“Believe it or not, having you home for an extended length of time actually sounds amazing.” Hayden grinned and leaned forward until her lips met with Brian’s. The softness of her mouth never ceased to send chills down his spine.

“Now boarding, Flight 445 to Los Angeles at United Airlines gate nine. That is flight 445 at United Airlines gate nine.”

Brian sighed, stood up and held his hands out to his wife to help her out of her seat.

“I guess that’s you.” Brian said while wrapping his arms around Hayden’s growing waist. Suddenly, an uneasy feeling came over him. “I really don’t want you to go. I know this is strange, but I just have this feeling—“

Hayden laughed and kissed him softly once again. “You’re just being overprotective again. We’ll be fine. I love you, B.”

“I love you.” They kissed once again and Brian walked her to the gate as far as security would allow. Something inside of him was screaming to keep her from boarding that plane, but he shook it off.

‘Hayden’s right. You’re just being overprotective.’ He thought to himself as he walked over to the large window, where he stayed until Hayden’s plane was in the sky.

Brian’s ride back to the hotel took longer than usual that day. Not only was the traffic close to unbearable, but Brian had some errands to run before boarding his bus for the next city. When he arrived back to the Crowne Plaza Hotel, he gave his keys to the valet and made his way through the crowded lobby. A group of people were staring at a news story. He glanced at the television quickly and noticed a tall building falling painfully to the ground below. He shook his head at the no-doubt violent crime and continued to make his way to the elevators and up to the top floor. To Brian’s surprise, Kevin was waiting in the hallway when he stepped off of the elevator.

“Hey, Buddy. Going down?” Brian smiled to his cousin. When he noticed tears pooling in the corners of Kevin’s eyes, panic began to set in. “Kev, what’s the matter? What happened?”

“Brian.” Kevin began, painfully slow. He put his hands on Brian’s shoulders and continued. “What was Hayden’s flight number this morning?”

“What? Why? What happened? What’s the matter?” Brian’s skin turned completely pale as he thought back to the vision from moments earlier of the skyscraper falling. “Kevin. What is it?”

“Brian, you need to remain calm. We have no idea if Hayden’s plane was involved, but something terrible happened this morning-“

Without letting Kevin finish, Brian took off running down the hall. Knowing Kevin’s tendency to leave his room unlocked, he headed to room number 3201 and burst through the door easily. He was quickly stopped in his tracks when he noticed all of his friends gathered in Kevin’s room around the television, tears falling down all of their faces.

When Nick noticed Brian enter the room, he quickly shut the television off. “Brian.” Nick gasped, jumping up off of his spot on the bed.

“Put it back on, Nick.”

“Buddy, I don’t know-“

“You can’t protect me from whatever is out there, Nick. Put it back on!” Brian barked loudly. Nick slowly obliged. Brian clenched his jaw and waited. Then, it happened. Brian watched as an airplane dove swiftly into the first of the twin towers. His body went numb. In the lobby he had only seen the tall building fall, he had been completely oblivious to the fact that it was an airplane that had caused the building to go down. When the second airplane came through and smashed into the second building, he was unable to hold his body up any longer.

‘It’s not her. It can’t be her. Hundreds of flights left from hundreds of airports this morning. She’s not there. She’s not on that plane.’ Brian thought to himself, slightly panicked.

As if on cue, his cell phone began to vibrate in pocket. Shakily, he reached into his pocket and grabbed the phone. Nick muted the television and they all waited.

“He-hello?” Brian answered nervously. He cleared his throat. “Hello, this is Brian Littrell.”

“Mr. Littrell. This is Grant Michaels from United Airlines.”

“Hayden.” Brian whispered, tears finally starting to flow down his cheeks.

“Mr. Littrell. I’m sorry to inform you that your wife’s plane was just confirmed as one of the four hijacked airplanes this morning. Two of the planes are still missing. However, it is confirmed that flight 445 to Los Angeles is the airplane that has crashed this morning in New York City-“

The words echoed in Brian’s mind. It has been confirmed. Flight 445. Crashed. It couldn’t be right. It was only that morning that he was holding his wife in his arms and they were talking about taking time off and raising a family.

The phone dropped from his hand and bounced on the floor. Once again, it was as if time had started to slow. ‘I knew.’ He thought to himself. ‘I knew. I knew that she shouldn’t have gotten on that plane. I should have stopped her.’

In the blink of an eye, Brian’s body turned from numb to an agonizing pain. He threw his phone into the wall and crumpled into a heap on the floor. “NO!” He wailed painfully. “No! No! No!”

An uncontrollable flow of tears streamed down his cheeks. He felt nauseous. Pangs of physical pain were darting all over his body. He had never felt anything like it.

The other Backstreet Boys stood by not knowing how to help their friend. When they attempted to pick him up off of the floor, he fought them wildly until finally, he picked himself up, wiped his eyes and walked away without looking back. In the blink of an eye, he had lost his world. His family was gone and he felt as if he should have lost his life that day, too.

In that moment, Brian made a decision. There was nothing left to sing for, there was nothing left to fight for, there was no reason for him go on with his life as he knew it. That day, Brian went numb.

Chapter 1

-5 years later-

It was mid-afternoon by the time Brian finally decided to roll out of bed. He awoke that morning as every other—void of all feeling, numb.

Ever since that fateful day in September of 2001, Brian had more or less made a hermit of himself. He holed up in his Atlanta, Georgia home and kept the rest of the world at arms length; everyone, including his fellow Backstreet Boys—especially his fellow Backstreet Boys.

Lately, the phone hadn’t stopped ringing. Nick, Kevin, AJ and Howie had decided among themselves that it was time to make a new album. Five years had passed since he had walked away from the Black and Blue tour. He had decided that day that there was nothing left to sing for and in the five years since, nothing had changed his mind of that fact. He had told the others that he wasn’t going back, that he wasn’t a Backstreet Boy anymore, that he wasn’t ever going to be a Backstreet Boy again. He had told them to go on without him, but they continued to call.

Kevin argued that he needed to move on with his life.

AJ argued that while Hayden had died, he hadn’t and that he owed it, not only to himself, but to Hayden and to his unborn baby to make the most of the cards that he had been dealt.

Howie argued that Hayden would want him to be happy.

And Nick. Well, Nick argued that he was a Backstreet Boy before Hayden, that he had met Hayden because of the Backstreet Boys and that he will be a Backstreet Boy until he dies whether he liked it or not.

None of their arguments changed the fact that he just didn’t believe in it anymore. He didn’t believe in the songs that they sang. He didn’t believe in love and being together forever and soul mates. Once those ideals get stamped into your head and you finally find what you think you’ve been waiting your whole life for, it all gets taken away in the blink of an eye. Brian just didn’t believe that if there was this all encompassing, compassionate, loving being out there, something that was supposedly greater than them all, that this great loving person would have taken away everything that was important to him. He had always been a good man and it just wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair.

Brian listened to his stomach grumble and sauntered into the kitchen to find something to eat. The red light on his landline telephone was blinking, signaling that he had a message. Knowing that it was probably from one of his former band mates, he let it continue to blink as me made himself a sandwich. The red light continued to catch his eye until finally, he gave in and pressed play.

The tape clicked over and Kevin’s familiar voice filled the empty room. “Hey Brian, it’s Kevin. I know that you’re purposely ignoring all of our calls, but I had to make one last attempt. You’re sick of hearing people tell you that life goes on, especially people that don’t understand what you’ve really lost, but whether you want to hear it or not, I’m going to tell you that you aren’t being fair to Hayden’s memory. She didn’t get to live, Brian, but you did and to lock yourself up to just pass the time until you finally die, too-- it isn’t fair. It’s not fair to those that love you and are still here worrying about you everyday and it’s not fair to Hayden who didn’t get to live the life that you have the opportunity to live today. Anyway, I know that you’ve heard those things before and that it probably hasn’t changed anything. I just think that you need some help. You need to move on. It’s okay to do things that you love doing. It’s okay to be happy. So, be happy again Brian. Join us in New York tomorrow and do what you love to do. Sing.”

Before Brian could stop himself, tears were pooling in the corners of his eyes. He didn’t want to disappoint the people that cared about him. He didn’t want to make the lives of the people that cared about him harder than they had to be. But he just didn’t have the passion inside of him anymore. The record player inside of him had stopped a long time ago. All that was left was static. The music was gone. The song was gone.

He hit the delete button on the answering machine, threw his newly-made sandwich into the garbage and climbed back up the stairs to his bedroom. He closed the shades, climbed back under the covers and recoiled into the darkness. Sleep was his only retreat. It was the only time that the emptiness of being alone finally went away. It was the only place that they were still together. It was the only place that he was happy.

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As Alexa Owens completed the climb to her tiny fifth story New York City walk-up apartment, she groaned to herself miserably. Taped to the door was a yellow eviction notice, there for the world to see. She sighed to herself and snatched the notice from the door before slipping her key into the lock and letting herself in.

Alexa dropped her large Coach knock-off purse onto the couch and read the notice aloud to herself. “You have 30 days to pay the total amount due of $1,431.34. If you do not pay this debt in full by the end of the 30-day period, you will be lawfully evicted from the premises and any and all appropriate legal action will be taken against you in order to secure the funds that you owe.”

Alexa groaned again and plopped down onto the lumpy, thrift-store couch. This isn’t supposed to be like this, she thought to herself mournfully. She looked down onto the coffee table and was brought close to tears by the piles of stamped envelopes that were accumulating and couldn’t help but to think back to the days when things were simpler.

She and her sister, Brooke, were raised by their single father, Wesley Owens, on the Upper East Side of New York City. She had grown up in the lap of luxury and had taken it all for granted. One day, without any notice, it was all gone. Her father, an investment banker on Wall Street, had made some risky investments and had lost everything. He had tried to hide their financial woes from his children as long as he could. He worked day and night to rebuild his portfolio, but eventually the strain became too much for him to handle. Before Alexa and Brooke even knew what had happened, there was a fateful phone call from the New York City Police Department. Her father had killed himself in his office late one night. In the blink of an eye, the only stable adult she had ever had in her life was gone.

Her feelings about her father’s death ranged from guilt to anger. At times, she felt terrible knowing that her father had killed himself because the agony of knowing that he could no longer care for his children was that overwhelming. Then, the anger would set in over the selfishness of his act. He had not only left Alexa and Brooke without anything; he had left them without anyONE. He had opted to take the weak way out instead of admitting his mistakes to his daughters.

That summer, Brooke had gone away to college on scholarship as planned and in lieu of being thrown into foster care, Alexa was allowed to stay with the family of friend and classmate, Jenny Murphy. After high school, Alexa was unable to afford college. Instead, she exhausted all of her connections to finally secure a job at Jive Records as the executive assistant to president of the company, Ben Silverman.

After five years of hard work for the obsessive-compulsive Silverman, it was hard for Alexa to believe that she hadn’t been promoted, or at the very least paid enough to be able to afford her dingy little apartment in Brooklyn. She was unqualified to find any worthwhile work in the City; instead, she stayed where she was, learned as much as she could and hoped to someday move up into the Artist and Repertoire (A&R) Department at Jive. She regularly brought her boss samples of music from new artists and nine times out of ten, she was dead-on about how the public would react. However, Silverman both failed to acknowledge her development talents and was too used to Alexa knowing how to deal with his compulsive ways. So, she was stuck in her lousy, dead-end position at Ben Silverman’s side.

Alexa was suddenly snapped out of her self-pitying reverie by the vibrations of her Jive-issued Blackberry. She rolled her eyes when she saw Ben Silverman’s name flashing across the screen. She pressed the green receive button and said, “Hello.”

“Alexa, there is a proper way to answer all calls coming into this phone and a simple, ‘hello’ is not it.” Ben skipped over all pleasantries opting instead to dive right into his criticisms.

“Ben, I knew that it was you. It’s late. What can I do for you?”

“I don’t care what time it is and I don’t care if you knew it was me or not. Please answer properly.”

Alexa waited to make sure that he was serious and then sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time that night. “Hello, you’ve reach the executive assistant of Mr. Ben Silverman. How may I help you, this morning/afternoon/evening/night?” She smiled as the line stayed quiet. You could almost feel heat radiating off of the tips of Ben’s ears though the phone. “What can I do for you tonight, Ben?”

“I know that you were joking, but next time, just do it right the first time.” He paused again and then continued. “I have an important client meeting first thing tomorrow morning. I need you to make sure that you get to Bernard’s Bakery ahead of the lines tomorrow so that you get the freshest, warmest bagels possible. I’ll also have a coffee order that I’ll e-mail to you.”

Alexa’s face twisted in confusion. It was 10 o’clock at night and she had just left Ben’s office an hour ago. Now, he was asking her to be up at the crack of dawn to retrieve fresh bagels from Manhattan’s most fashionable bakery. “Ben? Don’t you think that I’m a little over getting coffee and bagels. Isn’t that what you have interns for?”

In a swanky luxury apartment downtown, Ben rubbed his temples in mock-aggravation. “I really wish that you could do just one thing that I ask of you without talking back to me. You are my executive assistant, no?”

“Yes.”

“Well, now, I’m asking you to assist me. These are important clients. They kind of fell off the face of the Earth at their peak and-“ Ben stopped in mid-sentence and huffed. “Why am I even telling you this?”

“Okay, Ben, don’t have a meltdown or anything. I’ll go get your bagels and coffee bright and early tomorrow morning.” Finally satisfied, Ben hung up leaving Alexa more mentally exhausted than she had been prior to their short conversation. She threw the phone down onto the coffee table and rolled her eyes.

“How did I get here?” She asked herself, feeling both frustrated and helpless. Knowing that she had an early morning the next morning and that she should probably get to bed, Alexa picked herself up off of the couch and ran her hands through her dark, brown hair. She showered quickly before finally climbing into bed half an hour later. Sitting on her bedside table was an old picture of Alexa, her father and her sister, smiling in front of a backdrop of snow-capped mountains. The picture could have been a painting. They all looked so happy. It was one of the last vacations the family had ever taken together.

She flicked off the light, closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “Daddy,” she whispered softly, before finally drifting into a semi-peaceful sleep. “I’m begging you to send me a miracle.”

Chapter 2

Bernard’s Bakery was recently featured on one of the many Internet celebrity blog sites as one of New York’s “hot new celebrity hangouts”, though in all of Alexa’s years as a patron of Bernard’s, she’d never seen a celebrity there. Either way, it worked out well for the small bakery. Even without celebrities flocking for one of Bernie’s delicious morning bagels, lunch or dinner sandwiches, or to-die-for deserts, if you weren’t on line before the doors opened, you weren’t getting in—even if you did know the owner personally. That’s why on this particularly cold, wet New York morning, Alexa was standing miserably on the sidewalk, waiting as patiently as possible for the hostess to unlock the doors.

The line behind her grew steadily longer as the minutes ticked by. It was almost 7 a.m. when the doors were finally opened. From behind, the line started to push forward in a mad rush. Everyone wanted to be served before having to be at their swanky corporate offices. Bernie spotted Alexa in the crowd and called out to her.

“Alexa! Pretty girl! If I had known you were out there!” A silver-haired, Italian man came from behind the counter and quickly pulled Alexa out of line. The other patrons groaned and protested, but he waved them off. “Ah, hush, this is my girl and if you don’t like it, you can go without your Bernard’s this morning!” Bernie turned back to Alexa. “Aly, what are you doing here this morning? I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“I know, I’ve been really busy and this is a hard place to get into these days.” She laughed and kissed Bernie on his cheek softly. “Ben sent me in. Apparently, we have a big meeting and he’s jumped on your bandwagon. You know, I’ve been telling him for years-“

Bernie waved it off. “Ah, forget it. He doesn’t know a good idea when it bites him. He never has given you enough credit.”

Alexa shrugged and sighed to herself. “It pays the bills.” She paused thoughtfully. “Well, kind of.”

“Are you having some problems? Is that Silverman not paying you enough?”

Alexa waved him off, not wanting to bother him with her financial woes. “No, it’s fine. I’m not doing any worse than anyone else right now, I guess.”

“Are you sure you don’t need some help, doll? I’ve been doing pretty well over here lately.” Bernie’s eyebrows knitted with concern. Alexa had been coming to Bernard’s since she was a child. She had come with her dad and sister every Sunday for brunch and while in school, she and her friends would regularly have lunch in the comfort of the warm bakery. Besides Brooke, Bernard and his wife, Stella, were the closest thing to family that Alexa had. Still, she was never able to take a dime from him, even in her time of need when, quite honestly, she could be homeless in less than 30 days.

“Well, you could get me this order before I get fired and have to move upstairs with you and Stella.” She smiled brightly at the kind older man and handed him the large breakfast order.

“We’d loved to have you.” Bernie chuckled and kissed the top of Alexa’s head. “This one’s going to take a while, beautiful. Take a seat and I’ll get it together for you personally.”

Alexa smiled at him again and watched him walk away before turning on her heels to take a seat in the back of the small dining area. As a child, one of her favorite things to do on those Sunday mornings was to sit by the window and watch the people in the streets. Always the imaginative kid, she would create stories for each of the people that passed. It was the same each week. There was a middle-aged man in jeans and a t-shirt carrying a box of donuts home to surprise his waiting wife and kids. There was a grandfather and a little girl, holding hands as they strolled to park. The little girl would listen intently as her grandfather described the “good-old-days.” And then there was the family. There was a little boy sitting on his father’s shoulders and a little girl sitting in a stroller pushed by a smiling mother. It was everything that Alexa didn’t have growing up. It was everything that Alexa so desperately wanted to have now. Family. Someone that loved her completely for all that she was and for all that she wasn’t.

Her sister, Brooke, had found exactly that. After high school, she had gone to college at the University of Maryland. There, she had met the love of her life. Brooke had been a journalism student and worked on the school newspaper. One day, she lucked into having to interview the student body president, Lance Taylor. As Brooke tells it, it was love at first sight, at least for her. Lance had sandy-blonde hair and bright blue eyes and was strongly ambitious. The day that the interview was printed, Lance called Brooke thanking her for her story and, in a bold move, asked her out to dinner that night. The couple became engaged a little over a year after they had started dating. A little over a year after that, they had a little boy that they named Wesley Owen Taylor, after Alexa and Brooke’s father. Now living in Washington, D.C. where Lance was pursuing all of his political dreams, they seemed to have it all. Brooke had begged Alexa to leave New York behind and start over—to either go back to school or do something worthwhile in Washington where she would be close to Brooke and Lance, but Alexa could never break the ties with the city that she loved so much. It was almost as if New York was the last piece of her father that she had left.

Alexa was broken from her daydreams by Bernie bringing over a large basket of bagels and breakfast pastries. A young boy in an apron trailed slowly behind.

Alexa stood from where she was seated and smirked as they approached. “Are you sure that’s my order?”

“I added all of your favorites, doll face.” He handed the basket to the young boy. “Carlos here will be following you to that fancy office where you work. Just send him back in one piece, okay?”

Alexa smiled at the shy boy. Carlos was Bernie’s oldest grandson. He’d always had a crush on Alexa and both Alexa and Bernie knew it. “Sounds like a plan. Here, let me just pay you and I’ll get out of your hair and let you get back to work.”

“No, no. It’s on the house today.”

“I can’t let you do that. Jive has plenty of money to cover breakfast, I promise.” She smiled at Bernie and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

“No. I figure that if breakfast is on me today, maybe I’ll see you more often and with the savings, I don’t know, maybe they’ll give you a raise or something.” Alexa laughed and gave Bernie a tight hug.

“I need to get out of here or I’m going to be late.” She kissed her old friend on the cheek softly and motioned to Carlos. “Let’s get out of here, Kiddo.” With a final wave back, Alexa and Carlos left the bakery and made the trek to the Jive Records corporate offices.

It was after 9 o’clock before Alexa and Carlos made it to the board room where Alexa knew that the meeting was being held.

Outside the door, Alexa took the basket from Carlos. “I think it’s better that I take this from you now. It’s going to be a war zone in there in a minute, C.” She handed him a ten dollar bill as a tip and he shook his head.

“No, Poppa said that I shouldn’t take any money from you.”

“Ah, your poppa is just being stubborn. Take it, it’ll be our little secret.” The young teenager’s eyes twinkled as he took the money and thanked her. Before he left, Alexa pulled him in and hugged him tightly. "It was good to see you again, Carlos.”

Carlos’ face lit up as he turned to leave the building. He walked tall with a huge smile plastered onto his face. Alexa laughed softly to herself, happy to have made his day. Her smile faded, however, when she walked into the boardroom and was met by the glares of five men.

At the head of the table, Ben Silverman stood. “It’s about time, Alexa. You were supposed to be here 20 minutes ago!”

“I’m sorry, Ben. I got here as quickly as I could.” She set the basket down onto the table that was set-up for breakfast and walked back into the hallway where she had set down the stacks of coffee.

“This doesn’t even look like our order! I just told you to get bagels and coffee.”

Alexa sighed to herself and rolled her eyes before walking back into the boardroom. “Take a breath, Ben, it was on the house. Bernard is an old friend of mine.”

She looked back over at Ben whose jaw was clenched. He was practically shooting fire out of his eyes. Boy was she going to be in trouble later.

“Give her a break, Ben. It’s a zoo out there right now.” A dark-haired, tattooed man winked at her and she smiled politely back. She knew who he was, of course; she knew who they all were. He was A.J. McLean. Together, they were the Backstreet Boys. Alexa was confused, however. Not only was one of them missing, but their departure five years ago had shaken the industry. They did have great comeback timing though. Knowing the current consumer climate, Alexa knew that if done properly, a Backstreet Boys album could be huge.

Ben sighed and sat back down. “You’re dismissed, Alexa. We’re still waiting for one more. When he gets here, please send him in immediately.” Alexa nodded and left the room quickly.

“Wait, who are we waiting for?” Kevin, the oldest of the group, spoke. With intense green eyes and jet-black hair he was stunningly handsome.

Ben turned his attention to Kevin curiously. “Brian, of course.”

Kevin shook his head and Nick spoke up. “It looks like we’re going to have to do this without Brian. He’s not going to make it.”

“What do you mean he’s not going to make it? He has to make it.”

Howie shook his head. The others looked away partly offended by the fact that Ben was insinuating that they couldn’t record a good album without Brian. “We told you when we set this thing up that it would most likely only be the four of us. We all tried, but Brian just hasn’t been able to get his stuff together since he lost Hayden and the baby.”

“Come on, guys. It’s been five years. Brian could take all of that and make it into something amazing couldn’t he?” Ben continued to try to push the issue. The other men in the room agreed that Brian should be there, but for completely different reasons. Not to help sell records or to profit from his pain, but to help him heal and finally let go.

“I really don’t think that’s fair to ask of him. He doesn’t want to sing anymore. We shouldn’t be trying to monopolize on his pain-“ A.J. started, but couldn’t finish before Kevin cut him off.

“Look, this isn’t about Brian. We promised you another album and you have four of us here that are willing to do it. Brian has an amazing voice and, yes, he sings the lead a lot. But this is a different time, it’s a different Backstreet and I believe that we can make an amazing album. So, here we are. This is it. This is the Backstreet Boys; take it or leave it.” Kevin sat back in his chair, waiting for Ben’s response.

Ben leaned up and folded his hands on top of the large glossy table. “I’ll take it,” he finally replied. At least for now, he continued silently. He lost his wife and he doesn’t want to sing anymore, fine. We’ll just have to find him someone new to want to sing for. Ben smiled to himself as he looked out of the large glass windows and into Alexa’s office where she was laughing with the secretary. And I’ve got the perfect person.

Chapter 3

The morning passed by quickly for Alexa. Generally, she liked to keep herself busy so that the day would seem shorter. For lunch, she closed herself off in her small office and finished the leftovers from Ben’s meeting with the Backstreet Boys that morning.

For some reason, she hadn’t been able to get the group out of her mind. The final member had never arrived, though Alexa didn’t really expect him. Everyone knew the tragic story of what had caused the group to split up a few years earlier. Brian Littrell, one of the Backstreet Boys’ head heartthrobs, had gotten married to his longtime girlfriend only a little over a year prior to September 11. She was pregnant and wanted to leave the tour, so Brian brought her to the airport that morning. Tragically, her airplane had been one of the two that struck the twin towers on that fateful morning.

Brian never spoke about the incident; however, it was always speculated that he blamed himself. The guilt was devastating and had thrown him into a deep depression that he’d never been able to pull himself out of.

Alexa sighed sadly. She didn’t know Brian, but she felt terrible for him and she understood why he hadn’t wanted to attend the meeting that morning. All of the good memories of performing and fans and amazing record sales were tainted by the memory of that final tour and the day that he lost his wife and child. It was such a shame. Though he never got the recognition that he deserved, he had always been amazingly talented.

Alexa continued to pick at her cold breakfast pastry, unable to shake Brian from her mind. Halfway through her lunch break, her cell phone vibrated on her desk. She picked it up and smiled when she saw the picture of Brooke and Wesley flash on the screen.

As she pressed the green button to receive the call, her mood finally lifted. “What’s up, BK!”

“You know I hate it when you call me that. BK is the abbreviation of Burger King, not Brooke.” She laughed softly, then continued. “You sound like you’re in a good mood. How are things?”

Alexa sighed. “Things just are, I guess. I’m in a good mood because you called. I haven’t spoken to you in days.”

“I know. It’s gotten so busy over here. Wes has started crawling; so, now we have to chase him all over the world.” Brooke laughed happily as she spoke about her baby boy. “But what do you mean ‘things just are’? Are you having money problems again?”

“I never stop having money problems!” Alexa replied and couldn’t help but to laugh to herself. “But it’s fine. I’ll manage. I always do.”

“I know that you can take care of yourself, but I really wish that you would at least consider moving over here. I could use your help.”

Alexa sat back in her leather desk chair and rolled her eyes. “Please, you don’t need my help. You’re doing just fine.”

In her Washington, D.C. home, Brooke shrugged to herself and made a face at her baby. “Eh, it was worth a shot. So, what’s going on over there? Anything new and exciting?”

“Not really. Well, the Backstreet Boys came in for a meeting today. That’s was different.” Alexa’s mind turned back to Brian, but she shook it off.

“The Backstreet Boys? That is different. Aren’t they old now?”

Alexa grinned and laughed softly. “No older than you.”

Before Brooke could respond to the slight jab at her age from her younger sister, the conversation was interrupted by the intercom on her desk phone buzzing. In an instant, Ben’s voice filled the room. “Alexa?”

Alexa rolled her eyes. “Yes?”

“I need to see you in my office immediately.” He sounded tense. Alexa knew that this probably had something to do with the way that she had acted that morning.

“I’m on my lunch break right now, can it wait until-“ She was cut off my Ben’s groaning on the other end. “Okay, forget it. I’ll be in your office in just a minute.”

Ben ended the connection without another word. Before Alexa could speak, Brooke jumped in. “God, Alexa. He’s such a jerk. I don’t know why you put up with that.”

“Brooke, I don’t have many choices right now other than uprooting my entire existence, which I’ve told you I’m not going to do. Besides, I think I may have brought this one on myself.” Alexa paused, but before Brooke could say another word, she continued again. “Look, I really have to go. I’ll call you when I get home tonight, okay?”

“Okay, fine, but I really don’t think that you give yourself enough credit, Aly. There are other opportunities for you out there.” Brooke tried to argue, but knew that she wasn’t going to change her sister’s mind. She sighed and conceded, not wanting to cause Alexa any more stress than she already had in her life. “I’ll let you go. I love you, Aly. Be good to yourself, okay?”

“Always. I love you, too.” With that, the sisters hung up. Alexa took a final large bite of her breakfast sandwich and walked down the corridor to Ben’s enormous office. She knocked on the wooden office door and let herself in. As she walked slowly across the office, Ben never looked up from the paperwork on his desk.

“Listen, Ben, about this morning-“ She started nervously, but Ben cut her off. It wasn’t so much about not getting the exact breakfast items that he’d asked for as it was about talking back to him in front of his clients. Though she’d done many things to annoy him in the past, talking back to him as casually as she had that morning, on a morning that seemed to be so important, was a boundary that she’d never crossed.

“Though completely unacceptable, that’s not what I called you in here for this afternoon. Please sit down.” Alexa swallowed hard. She was slightly put off by his very business-like behavior.

She sat down and then started rambling nervously. “You’re really creeping me out here, Ben. If you brought me in here to fire me or something and there’s nothing that I can do to change your mind, that’s fine. I’ve worked really hard and I really like my job here, but if none of that is good enough for you then please just make it quick.”

Ben actually cracked a small smile, which further put Alexa off. She sat back in her chair finally deciding to just let Ben do the talking.

“I’m not going to fire you Alexa.”

Alexa breathed a sigh of relief, but was still weirded out by the fact that Ben was casually grinning at her.

“In fact,” he continued slowly, “I have an assignment for you.”

Alexa’s face lit up as she sat up in her chair quickly. If the assignment was something like making copies or getting coffee, he wouldn’t have sat her down in his office to discuss it. Her mind was reeling with possibilities. “Really? That’s great. Should I take notes or something?”

Ben shook his head, stood up and walked around his desk to stand in front of where Alexa was sitting. He propped himself up on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms. “No, I think that you’ll be able to manage this without pen and paper.” He paused for what seemed like minutes. Instead of filling the awkward silence, Alexa waited for Ben to continue. “Here’s the thing, Alexa. I did a little digging today.”

“Digging? What kind of digging?” Alexa was starting to get a headache. Suddenly, she wasn’t as excited for the assignment.

“I’m a powerful man, Alexa. I have any kind of information that I want at my fingertips. Do you understand that?”

Alexa shrugged casually. “Um, I guess so. Yeah.”

“Well, I understand that you’re having some financial troubles and I want to help you with that.” Ben continued to grin. Alexa looked back at him wearily. There was something troubling in his eyes. Something that wasn’t quite right.

She shook her head and started to stand up. “Listen, I’m doing fine. Whatever this ‘assignment’ is, I don’t want it. I don’t want to be involved in any kind of shady business.”

“Alexa, sit down. I just sent a check to your landlord, so your rent is paid and you aren’t going to get evicted; the least that you can do is sit down and hear me out.” Ben’s grin quickly turned into a hardened grimace. Nervously, Alexa sat back down.

“You should really cancel that check, Ben.” Not wanting to let him intimidate her, she stared right back at him coldly.

“This doesn’t have to be a big deal unless you make it a big deal. It’s just a little assignment involving you and a Backstreet Boy. That’s it.”

Alexa’s mind was suddenly reeling. Me and a Backstreet Boy, she thought to herself. What kind of assignment could Ben possibly be sending me on? If one of them wanted a date or something, couldn’t they just ask me themselves? Paying my rent is kind of creepy and stalker-ish, isn’t it? “Ben, I don’t understand.”

“If you would be quiet and let me explain, maybe you would understand.”

 Alexa nodded and waited for him to finally get to the point.

“There’s a certain Backstreet Boy who has been a little heartsick for a while. Brian. Everyone in the world knows what happened to Brian and his family. Well, Brian has decided to shut himself off from the world and I just need someone, you, to go down to Atlanta and give Brian something worth coming out for his house for again.”

Alexa wasn’t sure that she was hearing him properly. Ben wanted her to seduce Brian? “Can you run that by me again, Ben. I’m not quite sure that I heard you correctly. You want me to be a prostitute?”

“No, not a prostitute. I’m not going to pay you to sleep with him, although whether you do or not is completely up to you. I just need a beautiful woman-“ He paused to gesture to Alexa. “Who is a real, hometown kind of girl to go give him something to smile about. We’re doing Brian a favor here.”

“By betraying him? No way. I am NOT going to be the one to break that man’s heart again. His suicide is NOT going to be on my account.” Alexa stood up and attempted to make her way to the door. “I can NOT believe that you just asked me to do that. You have to be breaking some kind of law or something.”

Fire radiated from Ben’s eyes as he marched across the room to where Alexa was standing. He slammed his hand into the door behind her. “And I dare you to find someone that will charge me with anything.”

Inside, Alexa was trembling. This was a side of Ben that she had never seen before. To get to the top, maybe you really did have to be cold and calculating, but was that really something that she was willing to do?

“Listen, you need money and I’m offering it to you for something simple. You get to leave Brooklyn and live in a nice, upscale neighborhood in Georgia for a few months. You might get to hang out with a nice guy for a little while and you see what happens. That’s it. The Backstreet Boys need Brian whether they believe it right now or not and Jive needs the Backstreet Boys. You either do as I ask of you or you don’t come back and I find someone who will.”

“Ben,” Alexa started softly. “What’s to say that Brian would want anything to do with me? No one, not his friends or his family or anyone close to him, has been able to pull him out of this. What makes you think that I could do it?”

“Maybe he won’t. And if he doesn’t, fine. You did want you had to do and it’s over. You come back and we go on with our lives.” Ben stepped back from Alexa and regained her complete composure. “On the other hand, you’re someone new. Someone that didn’t know him before, someone that makes it okay to start over.”

“Why me? There are thousands of girls who would have no problem doing this. It just doesn’t feel right.”

“Well, for one, I trust you. I know that you want to move up into the A&R department. If you want that to happen, I have to know that I can count on you for anything. As far as Brian’s concerned, right now, he doesn’t think that he was anyone to relate to. He lost his wife in a tragic way. You lost your father in a tragic way. It’s a match.” Alexa sighed, suddenly realizing that taking this assignment was really what it was going to take to move her career forward. He wanted her to use both the death of Brian’s wife and the death of her father against Brian in some sick ploy to seduce him and make him want to sing again? No way. She shook her head and turned to leave once more. She couldn’t play with a broken man’s emotions. It wasn’t right.

Ben called out to her as her hand reached the door. “Alexa?” She turned around slowly and locked eyes with this never-before-seen side of her boss. “We’re not hurting anyone. You’d basically be getting paid to meet Brian, say hello and see what happens. Maybe it’ll work and maybe it won’t but it’s worth a try. You may just be the woman that Brian’s been waiting for.”

Alexa stood in place turning it all over in her head. Maybe it wasn’t really as bad as she originally thought. She moves to Georgia for a few months, knocks on her neighbor’s door, starts a conversation. Either it goes from there or he shuts her out, right?

Ben’s voice broke into her thoughts. “This is a big decision, Alexa. This quite possibly could be where your career takes off simply because I asked you to go make friends with a Backstreet Boy. The moving truck is already on its way to your new, completely furnished home. What do you say?”

Alexa coolly lifted her head to meet Ben’s intense glare.

“Are you in?”

Chapter 4

For Brian, the morning had started out differently than most. For some reason, he was awake before the sun and for once, he couldn’t convince his body to fall back asleep. It had been one of those long nights. He tossed and turned and opened his eyes after what had seemed like hours, but was really only minutes.

The sound of a large truck screeching to a stop nearby was convincing enough to make him leave the warmth of his bed. He threw the covers off of his body and walked to the large second story window in his bedroom. Someone was finally moving into the house across the street.

It was a beautiful, two-story Tudor-style home. It was surrounded by a short stone fence and backed by acres of tall pine trees. It was surprising that the home had stayed on the market as long as it had. Brian shrugged to himself seemingly uninterested. He grabbed the television remote control from his bedside table and sat back on the bed, propping himself up against the cushioned headboard. As he flipped through the channels, he couldn’t commit to anything for more than a few seconds. Instead, he kept glancing back at the window. A strange feeling suddenly crept over him, but he shook it off.

After a few more minutes of mindless channel surfing, he threw the remote down on the bed next to him and patted his dog, Tyke, on the head. Poor Tyke, Brian thought to himself while sighing deeply, he lies around with me in this empty house all day. The only exercise or fun the little man gets is during our hour-long afternoon playtime in the backyard.

“Hey Tyke. You wanna go outside for a run today?” Tyke’s little tail wagged happily as he jumped into Brian’s lap. “We haven’t done that in a while, huh, Buddy?” Making a decision, Brian jumped out of bed again and sauntered into his closest to change out of his plaid pajama bottoms and into a tank-top, running shorts and sneakers. A few minutes later, he put Tyke’s collar around the dog’s neck, hooked him to the leash and stepped out into the brisk morning air.

Brian kept a steady pace as he and Tyke jogged through the quiet streets of his sleepy neighborhood. As he ran, he tried desperately to keep his thoughts from wandering. He didn’t want to think about Hayden. He didn’t want to think about the Backstreet Boys. He just wanted peace and solitude for a few minutes—just long enough to get his blood circulating and fresh air running through his lungs. Brian closed his eyes as he ran and it didn’t take long for the terrorizing images of that day to fall back into his head. He had nightmares about planes crashing into buildings almost nightly. In every dream, Hayden looked out the window of the airplane and screamed to Brian for help, but there was nothing that he could do. Some nights, when his sub-conscious really wanted to shatter his heart, Hayden would scream frighteningly to Brian that he shouldn’t have let her go, that he should have begged her to stay.

Brian believed that. In his heart, he knew that something terrible was going to happen that day. He had told her before she boarded the plane that he had a bad feeling, but Hayden laughed and said that he was being overprotective. I should have pushed it. I should have made her stay. If I had, she would be alive right now and we’d have a five-year-old child.

After news of Hayden’s death got around, Brian was contacted by her OB-GYN. The doctor felt it was necessary to tell him that they were having a girl. He guessed the doctor thought that it would make him feel better, but all it did was put a face on their unborn child and make it that much more real.

Before he could stop it, tears were pooling in the corners of Brian’s eyes. He stopped abruptly, pulling Tyke to a stop with him. Suddenly, his lungs felt like they were going to collapse. He wrapped Tyke’s leash around his wrist and bent over, resting his hands on his knees. He breathed harder and harder and finally let the tears fall slowly down his cheeks until he felt a hand rest on his back. He quickly stood and brushed the tears off his cheeks. He whirled around and came face to face with a concerned-looking brunette.

She was a young woman, early to mid- 20s, with intense blue eyes and soft features. For the first time since his wife had passed away, Brian was enamored by the beauty of another woman. The guilt he felt by his reaction to her suddenly made him want to throw-up.

“Are you okay?” She asked softly, her brow furrowed in concern for Brian.

“Yeah,” Brian huffed, finally catching his breath. “I’m fine, thank you.”

He turned quickly to leave, but she called out to him. “I’m Alexa!” Brian turned back around, this time standing feet away from her instead of inches. “I just moved in down the street.” Alexa pointed at the house across the street from Brian’s.

Without realizing it, he had made his way back around the block and was practically standing in front of his own home. “You’re moving in a little early in the morning, aren’t you?”

Alexa shrugged. “Eh, I guess so. I thought that I’d get here early enough so that I could avoid all of that neighborly nonsense. You know, introductions, strange people walking up to you in the street, stuff like that.” She smirked casually, hoping that he caught the irony.

He chuckled softly and started to walk backwards toward his house. “Yeah, definitely.” Brian nodded a goodbye and turned back around. “It was nice to meet you, Alexa.”

“Wait a minute, Neighbor!” Alexa called laughingly as Brian continued to walk away. “Aren’t you going to tell me your name?”

He smiled as best he could, though his insides were twisting. “I’m Brian. I’ll see you around.”

Alexa waved as he looked at her over his shoulder. “Don’t be a stranger.”

Brian turned back around and walked slowly to his front door. His hands were shaking, but he managed to get the key into the lock and let himself into his house. He quickly unhooked Tyke from his leash and leaned back against the door. His eyes closed slowly as he sighed deeply and took a mental vow to stay locked inside his house and as far away from his new neighbor as he possibly could.

--------------------

Across the street, Alexa was beating herself up. She jogged quickly into her new home and grabbed her suitcase back out of the closest. “Jenny!” She called into the mostly empty house. Jenny Murphy, her long-time best friend and almost sister bounced into the room moments later.

After Alexa’s intense meeting with Ben the week before, she was convinced that there was no way that she was going to go through with his new ‘assignment.’ That night, Jenny had come over and Alexa had hashed out the entire crazy encounter. To her surprise, Jenny thought that she should do it. It shouldn’t have surprised her though. Jenny was of a New York state of mind. It was kill or be killed. Do what you have to do to get to the top. The nice guy always finishes last. She didn’t see the assignment as unethical or deceitful at all. It was all business. Besides, she had countered when Alexa was finally starting to cave in, what was to say that she even had to try that hard? Ben had said that he was going to pay her either way. All she had to do was talk to the guy.

Jenny was right. If she was going to deceive anyone, maybe it would just be Ben. Not to mention the fact that she was in desperate need of the money that he was offering. Finally, Alexa had decided to go, but only if Jenny came with her—at least for a while. A few days later, the girls were packed and moving into their Georgia estate.

“What are you doing?” Jenny asked as she took a large bite out of the apple she had carried into the room with her.

“I’m packing.” Alexa huffed as she pulled the clothes that she had unpacked when they arrived the night before from the closet. “I can’t do this.”

“What brought this on? You were fine last night!” Jenny sat on the bed next to Alexa’s suitcase. Every time Alexa threw something in, Jenny proceeded to pull it back out.

“That was until I talked to him this morning.” Alexa shook her head and sighed. “You can still see the pain in that man’s eyes. He went for a jog and stopped right in front of his house and broke down into tears. I’m sure he thinks that I didn’t notice, but I totally did. It was terrible.”

“Alexa. What happened to not following Ben’s plan and just having a vacation in Georgia on Jive’s tab?”

Alexa continued to shake her head. “No. Just no. We’re going to go home. I’m going to forget that Jive Records exists all together.”

Jenny frowned deeply. “Oh, no.”

“What?”

“You like him for real.”

Alexa sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. “I do not. We spoke for five minutes.”

“But you think that you’ll probably start to like him and you don’t want him to connect you with Ben.”

“Okay Miss Cleo, it’s time to get out of my head.” Alexa plopped herself down onto the bed next to Jenny. “It’s not a romantic kind of thing, not at all. I’m sure that he’s had so many insincere people come in and out of his life through the years. I just don’t want to be that person.”

“Aly,” Jenny started before wrapping an arm around Alexa’s shoulder. “You have what I like to call a save-the-world complex. You want everyone to be happy and you do your best to make that happen, usually at your own expense. That’s your whole thing with Brian right now. He’s unhappy and he’s been unhappy for a very long time. So, you want to bring him into your happy little Alexa bubble and you want to save him. Honey, it’s probably not going to happen. The only one that can save Brian is himself.”

“I know and you’re probably right. I just have this guilty feeling. I haven’t even done anything wrong. Not really.” Alexa sighed and stood back up. “I just really don’t want to end up hurting him.”

“We’re on vacation, Alexa. That’s it. Just remember that and you won’t have to worry about hurting anyone, because he’s just going to be another person passing through your life. He’s your neighbor. That’s it.”

Alexa nodded slowly, wanting to agree with Jenny. Still something didn’t feel right. Alexa had a terrible feeling that her whole ‘vacation’ was going to blow up in her face.

Over the last week, Brian had opted to stay inside of the secluded comfort of his home, not that this was that unusual. Running into his new neighbor, especially in as vulnerable a state that he was in when she approached him, had set Brian into an emotional tailspin. It had been years since Brian had run into a woman whose beauty had absolutely taken his breath away. Hell, it had been years since he had run into a woman and even noticed how attractive she was. Though deep inside he knew that it was completely normal for him to notice other women, he was still guilt stricken. Hayden was probably crying for him from her cloud in heaven, devastated by how her death had completely ruined the man that she had loved so much.

Alexa wasn’t making it easy on him being that she was much more active than the rest of his suburban neighbors. Every time he gazed out the window there she was--checking the mail, jogging down the street with IPOD buds hanging from her ears, moving an un-ending array of boxes into her new home, or as she was now, paying the pizza delivery boy with a smile. Sometimes, he stood at the window and watched her, wondering what it was about this dark-haired woman that had him so intrigued after so many devastatingly lonely years.

The shrill ringing of the phone made him jump and pulled him away from the window. He jogged swiftly from his living room into the kitchen where the phone was charging on its receiver. Slightly out of breath he answered, “Hello?”

“Hey Brian, it’s J,” AJ responded, chuckling softly. “You’re breathing pretty hard. What were you doing in there?”

“Running to get the phone so that you could bother me, apparently.” Brian rolled his eyes to himself and sat down on one of the hard kitchen table chairs; his legs were spread out in front of him, crossed at the ankles.

“Whoa, I must have caught you on one those dark days, huh?” The smile had evaporated from AJ’s face as he leaned against the counter in his own kitchen thousands of miles away in California.

“No, not really. I’m just waiting for you to get to your point so that I can say no for the thousandth time. Or should we just skip right to that part?”

In just three minutes of talking to Brian, AJ’s mood had turned from jovial to annoyed. “I didn’t have a point. We went back into the studio this morning and it was weird without you. I just called to see how you were holding up, that’s all.”

“I’m holding up just fine.” Brian knew that AJ had ulterior motives. He wasn’t going to let his guard down for even one second.

“Dude, what’s your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem other than the fact that I keep getting these nagging phone calls from four guys that I used to work with begging me to come back to something that I have no use for anymore.”

AJ couldn’t believe his ears. He knew that Brian could get like this, but today, it was completely unprovoked. “I didn’t call you to try to convince you of anything. You’ve made up your mind and that’s fine. You’re making a mistake, but to each his own. Not to mention that we aren’t just four guys that you used to work with. We’re your friends. No, we’re more than friends, we’re your brothers and it’s insulting that you could possibly refer to the four of us as just your nagging ‘co-workers.’”

Brian sighed to himself and realized that he had been out of line. “You’re right. I’m sorry. With you guys going back into the studio and hearing so much about the Backstreet Boys lately, it’s just sent my head into a strange place.”

At Brian’s apology, AJ softened a bit. “I can understand that Brian, really I can, and I know that you hate to hear this but Hayden is gone, Dude. It sucks and it’s sad and it was a terrible thing that happened to you and I’m not going to sit here and try to tell you that coming back to the group is the right way for you to heal, but it’s been five years, the healing has got to start sometime. You can’t keep lashing out at people over nothing or pushing the people that care about you further and further away. If you haven’t been able to tell by now, some of us aren’t going anywhere.”

“I know. I appreciate that. I do. I just need you all to understand that there are some things that I can’t handle. Being a Backstreet Boy is a large chunk of that list.” Brian shut his eyes tightly wanting to get the images of that last tour out of his head. That was another recurring dream he had. He was standing on stage in Boston. The lights were shining brightly in his face, but to the side of the stage he could still see his beautiful wife. Her hands were sitting on her protruding belly. There was a soft glow illuminating her vibrant skin and shining blonde hair. He smiled at her and waved. She blew him a kiss. He closed his eyes as he sang the words to one of his favorite Backstreet Boys songs. It was the song that had brought them together. "Every little thing that you have said and done, feels like it's deep within me. It doesn't really matter if you’re on the run, it seems like we're meant to be." As he opened his eyes, his grin faded slowly. The arena was empty. The lights were off. Hayden was gone. No matter how hard he tried he could never get out of that arena. He ran in circles around the building, stopped at every exit, but it was no use. He was stuck in a moment. What's worse was that he was stuck in that moment alone.

"Brian? Brian, buddy?" AJ’s raspy voice broke into his thoughts.

Brian shook his head to clear the unpleasant images that were whirling furiously in his mind. "Yeah, yeah. I'm here. Sorry."

"Where's your head? I thought that I'd lost you for a second." AJ was starting to become concerned. He'd really just called to talk to his friend. He didn't mean for the conversation to take such a steep turn.

"No. I just had this dream the other night. It was nothing." Brian was saved by the sound of the doorbell ringing. "Look, I have to go. Someone's at the door."

"You expecting company?" AJ asked, actually glad that Brian may have someone around to distract him for a while.

"No, not really. I'll talk to you later." They men said their goodbyes and Brian jogged back to the living room to answer the door. He had to crack a small smile to himself. I don't need to leave the house. I can get my exercise just by running back and forth between the living room and the kitchen. When he finally opened the door, he was surprised to see Alexa standing on his front porch with a pizza box resting in the palm of her hand.

“Hey.” Alexa said breezily. A smirk was plastered onto her face as Brian stood in the foyer wondering what she was doing there.

“Hi.” Brian replied. He wanted to slam the door and go back to AJ’s burdening concern.

“Have you eaten dinner yet? I ordered a pizza and my friend decided to ditch me. I guess she met someone while she was out earlier.” She laughed softly. “Are you interested?”

“Um, no. I really shouldn’t. I’ve got some things going on tonight.”

“Please don’t take offense to this, but I don’t see you out that much. I thought you might want some company. Besides the soccer moms and retirees, I may be the only one you’ve got worth talking to around here.” In all honesty, it was Alexa that had wanted the company, and she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Brian across the street and alone all week long.

Alexa’s eyes twinkled mysteriously and Brian found himself slowly backing away from the door. “I was just on a phone call, actually. Maybe some other time.”

Alexa’s face fell and she shrugged. “Okay. Here.” She replied and handed him the pizza box.

“What’s this for?” He asked as he took the box from her hands.

“It’s dinner. I can’t eat the whole thing by myself. You have it. I just thought that we could get to know each other, be friends or something.” She turned and began to walk away.

As Brian watched her walk down the cobblestone path, he couldn’t stop himself from calling out to her. “Alexa!”

She turned and smiled, but continued to walk down the path backwards. “It’s fine. You’re busy I get it.” She turned back around and headed to her house. Mentally, she kicked herself. She was so embarrassed. What was I thinking, she chastised herself mentally, you don’t even know him!

“Alexa!” Brian called again.

She turned around and, this time, stopped. She placed her hands on her hips and looked at him questioningly. “What’s up?”

Brian cracked a small smile and sighed. “I guess having some company for dinner would be nice. It is your pizza, after all. Come on in.”

Alexa smiled and made her way back down the path to his front door. He opened the door wider allowing her to enter, then kicked it shut behind her. As she walked through the foyer, his little dog came running up wagging his thin tail. “Hey, Buddy.” She said while leaning over to pet his soft fur. “What’s his name?”

“That’s Tyke.” Brian replied as he picked up the small dog with his free hand and held him against his chest.

“Well, it’s nice to see you again, Tyke.” She laughed as the dog licked her cheek happily.

Brian smiled softly and led her to the living room where he set the pizza box down on the coffee table. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll go grab us a couple of sodas out of the fridge. Is Coke okay?”

“That’s great.” Alexa smiled and watched Brian walk out of the room. Suddenly, she felt awkward standing alone in his living room. She took in her surroundings and found herself drawn to a set of French doors that led to a large swimming pool with a Jacuzzi and waterfall. To the left of the set of doors was the dining room. Behind the dining room table on a yellow-painted wall hung a display of Brian’s gold records. Alexa stood in front of the display for the Millennium album, arguably the Backstreet Boys best, and touched the glass lightly. Suddenly, she could feel Brian behind her and she jumped.

To Alexa’s surprise he didn’t seem mad. He almost looked relieved. “I’m sorry. I-“

Brian shook his head and waved her off. “I see that you found me out.”

“The pool had my attention, but I’m obviously easily distracted.” She smiled as Brian stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I didn’t find you out, actually. I know who you are.”

Brian nodded his head and laughed aloud to himself. He mentally kicked himself for not being able to see through her. “So, that’s what this is about? You’re a fan? You pity me? Want to cheer me up, which is it? Because I really don’t need your pity or your friendship, in fact.”

“Whoa, Soldier, slow down.” Alexa held a hand up and shook her head. “I’m not here to cheer you up and I don’t pity you, not at all actually. You may not know this, but a lot of people lost their lives that day. Not to mention that other people in this world have lost loved ones in tragically sad ways. I told you. I thought you might like some company. I was lonely and I don’t really know anyone around here. You know what? Forget it. I’ll leave.”

She pushed past him quickly. Tears were welling up in her eyes and she felt like a big baby. How could someone she didn’t even know make her cry? She was startled, however, when she felt Brian’s hand grasp her wrist.

“I don’t want you to leave.” He whispered, softly. He let go of her wrist quickly and wiped his sweaty hands on his pants. “You just have to understand that I’ve had some really crappy people come through here and I don’t usually let people in this easily. I have to expect the worst first and ask questions later.”

Alexa shrugged and stared into his blue eyes. She was mesmerized by the intense look on his face. “I can understand that.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Look, I really just came over here for some pizza. That’s it. I’m not a groupie and trust me, I was never a fan.”

Brian chuckled and ran his hands through his hair. “That’s good to hear. Those boybands, pfft, who needs ‘em!”

“Definitely not I, Sir.”

Brian laughed a real laugh for the first time in as long as he could remember. It felt nice to feel the warmth of a real smile running through his body. “Come on. The pizza’s getting cold. Why don’t we see if we can get through it without anymore drama, shall we?”

Alexa smiled. “We shall.” She followed him back into the living room and sat next to him on the couch.

That night, there were many silent pauses in conversation, but Brian had to admit that it felt nice to have someone there with him—someone without expectations, someone who didn’t know him before, someone who could make their own judgments about him now. Maybe letting Alexa into his life, as a friend, wouldn’t be so bad after all. Maybe this is what he needed to finally heal. Maybe.

Though Alexa had tried desperately to sleep in the next morning, she was wide awake only a few hours after the sun. Content to simply lie in bed with the covers pulled tightly around her, she gazed out of her large bedroom window observing the sleepy neighborhood. The sprinkler systems on most of the houses were already on, ticking furiously in an attempt to keep the fall grass green. Across the street, next door to Brian’s house, there was a mom shoving her children into a minivan. She had a little girl in a tutu and two little boys in soccer uniforms. The scene made Alexa smile as she stretched, finally deciding to get out of bed.

She walked across the room to the master bathroom and turned on the water in the shower. While she waited for the water to warm, she propped herself up on top of the counter and began to file her long fingernails. As thoughts from the night before crept into mind, she smiled softly. There had been nothing spectacular about the evening. It was two adults sharing a pizza and some non-committal, skin-deep conversation. Still, it was nice. Being around Brian was refreshing. He was non-apologetic about the way that he felt and about the sadness that still surrounded him. He didn’t try to put on an act. He just is who he is and you can either take him or leave him.

Alexa was both in and out of the shower quickly. As she stood in front of the vanity mirror with towels wrapped both around her head and around her slender body, Jenny barged into the room with a smirk plastered to her lips.

“What’s with you?” Alexa asked, not being able to help smiling at the expression on her friend’s face. She leaned closer to the mirror and began to apply mascara to her long eyelashes.

Jenny shook her head. She stepped behind Alexa and made herself comfortable on the bed. “You had a late night last night.”

Alexa glanced at Jenny through the mirror and rolled her eyes. “Me? You’re the one that went out.”

“Yeah, but my date was completely lame. I was home hours before you were. So, where did you end up, anyway?” Jenny smiled knowingly.

“I didn’t end up anywhere.” By now, Alexa had moved on to her eyeliner and eye shadow.

“Yeah, right.” Jenny laughed again and continued to probe. “So, how was it?”

“How was what?”

“How was Brian? You know. How was IT?” Jenny jumped off of the bed and was now standing at her friend’s side.

“Jenny!” Alexa exclaimed as she swatted her friend on the arm. “There was no ‘it’! We had pizza and we talked. That’s all.”

“Whatever.” Jenny rolled her eyes, obviously not believing Alexa’s story.

“You can whatever me all you want, but that’s all that it was. I didn’t go over there to take advantage of him. Geeze.” Alexa turned back to the mirror. “How did you even know I was at Brian’s house last night?”

“Well, because he’s downstairs waiting for you right now and he’s got your panties.”

Alexa laughed and swatted her friend again. “He does not. I bet he’s not even here.”

“No, he’s totally here. And it’s not that far off base to think that he might have wanted to have sex with you, you know. It’s probably been a long time. His man parts are going to start to get rusty soon.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Alexa shook her head and walked to the bed to grab her clothes. “Can you get out of here and tell him that I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Sure, and I’ll let him know that you’ll be nice and naked in here in case he wants to come up instead.”

Alexa pulled a pillow off of her bed and threw it at Jenny just as she was slipping out the door. She then got dressed quickly and bounced down the stairs, not wanting to subject Brian to her boundary-less friend for any length of time.

Just as Alexa was walking into the living room, she heard Jenny ask, “So, did you and Alexa have a good time last night?”

Brian looked back at Jenny with squinted eyes and replied slowly. “Yeah, I guess.”

Alexa jumped in quickly and widened her eyes at her friend. “Thanks, Jenny. You can go now.”

Jenny smirked and shrugged her shoulders. “I was just making conversation.”

“Just go.” Alexa muttered and then turned to Brian and smiled. “Hey, Brian.”

Brian chuckled and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “You’re roommate is… interesting.”

Alexa nodded and looked over her shoulder where she was sure that Jenny was listening. “Yeah, she definitely has her own ideas about things. So, what’s up?”

“Oh,” Brian took his hands out of his pockets and held out her maroon Blackberry. “You left this at my house last night.”

“Oh, thank you. I didn’t even know that I didn’t have it.” She took it from him and immediately saw Ben’s name on the screen signaling that she had missed his call. Her face went pale. She glanced at Brian to make sure that he hadn’t actually looked at the number.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly, noticing the change in her color and demeanor.

“Oh, yeah, yeah. I’m great.” She smiled up at him nervously. “You didn’t have to bring it over here though. I would have come to get it when I realized that it was gone.”

“No, it’s no problem.” He laughed softly to himself. “I don’t know how you could have missed it. It’s been ringing off the hook all morning.”

“I’m sorry if it was bothering you. You could have turned it off or something.”

“No, no. I just thought you might want to have it.” He answered quickly. “Someone named Brooke called and a guy, Ben, maybe? He called about four times already this morning.”

Alexa rolled her eyes and continued trying to smile. “I can imagine.”

“Is that your boyfriend? Did you have a fight or something?”

“Wow, Brian Littrell, jumping right in there.” She laughed softly as his cheeks turned pink.

To Brian’s own surprise, the answer was more important than it should have been. He looked down to the floor, nervously anticipating her answer.

“No, he’s not my boyfriend. He’s my boss actually.”

“Oh? Your boss.” Brian found that he was relieved. His heart was torn. A piece of him wished that she’d never moved in across the street and further complicated his life. A similarly sized piece, however, was grateful. Even after only such a short time in her presence, he was slowly beginning to feel alive again. “What exactly do you do?”

Alexa was startled by his question, though she shouldn’t have been. She hated to lie to him and wanted to avoid any questions about her personal life as long as possible. “What do I do?”

Brian lifted his head and smiled. “Yeah, like for work? You seem kind of young to be able to afford all of this.”

Alexa knitted her eyebrows and tilted her head sideways. “So, do you want to be the pot or the kettle today?”

Brian laughed. “Yeah, yeah. I guess you’re right.” He held up his hands in front of him. “Forget it. It’s none of my business.”

“I actually work in New York. I’m just on vacation right now. I work in talent development.”

Brian nodded slowly feeling a bittersweet mixture of disappointment and relief. He narrowed his eyes playfully. “I see. And it’s just a coincidence that you ended up across the street from me?”

Alexa laughed softly, though felt achingly guilty. “Yes. It’s just a coincidence.”

Brian smiled and looked down to the floor. “So, I was getting ready to take Tyke to the dog park. Do you think you might want to come with us?”

Alexa’s insides warmed at Brian’s invitation. “Yeah, definitely. I just need to go upstairs and grab my sneakers.”

“Okay, so, I’ll meet you outside in five minutes or so?”

“Sounds good.” Brian smiled and showed himself to the door. Goosebumps sprouted on Alexa’s arms as she watched him walk away. She shivered slightly, then rubbed her arms quickly with the palms of her hands. She sighed and smiled to herself, through mentally she was anguished. She was falling for him. They’d shared a pizza one night and were now going to bring his dog to the park, but somehow through their thin conversation she’d become attracted to him. She was in between wanting to throw up and wanting to dance. It had been a long time since she’d met anyone that had given her goosebumps. It sickened her, however, that the person that was finally able to spark her interest happened to be the most emotionally unavailable man alive. Not to mention the fact that she was being paid to befriend him and bring him back to Jive. She’d never hated a person as much as she hated Ben in the moment; but still, she hated herself more.

An hour later, Brian and Alexa were still walking through the neighborhood dog park with Tyke leading the way wagging his pink tongue happily. As Brian and Alexa walked along the winding paths through the wooded area, they made casual conversation. The conversation had come to a lull, but both Brian and Alexa were perfectly content simply walking along in silence. Alexa looked up at the bright blue sky and inhaled deeply taking in the refreshing pine scent.

Brian watched her out of the corner of his eye and let a small smile creep to his face. “The air in Georgia is definitely different than what you’ve been breathing in the Big Apple, huh?”

Alexa laughed softly. “The air in New York doesn’t smell like nature if that’s what you mean.”

The pair fell silent for another couple of minutes, until Brian spoke again. “So, earlier you said that you were on vacation. How long are you here for?” Brian tensed as he asked the question. The mixture of emotions that were running through him was unnerving. After going so long without any feeling other than sadness running through him every day, it was unfathomable that this new unexpected addition to his life was the one person that was able to lift his spirits, even if only slightly.

“Um, well,” she started slowly, then looked over at him and smiled. “I don’t really know. I haven’t decided.”

“From the urgency of your boss’ phone calls this morning, it sounds like he needs you back. Your vacation might be cut a little short.” Brian looked down at his feet as he walked wanting to avoid looking into her blue eyes at all costs.

“No. In all honesty, I am kind of working while I’m here. It’s kind of a long story.” She cleared her throat quickly and hurried to change the subject. “So, what about you? Do you have anything that you’re working on?” She grimaced within herself at the question.

“I’m retired.” Brian answered without hesitation.

His statement made her laugh, though it probably shouldn’t have. “Retired? You can’t be any older than 30. You can’t possibly be retired.”

Brian shrugged. “I made plenty of money as a Backstreet Boy for the eight or so years that I was one.”

“And that’s it? You’re done. You don’t love it anymore? You checked out? What about the others?” Alexa looked over at Brian and could see him start to get annoyed. She was pushing his limits.

“Look, I don’t know why I feel inclined to tell you this, but being a Backstreet Boy has some really terrible memories for me-- from almost getting myself killed because of a heart condition that I have to my wife getting killed because she couldn’t handle my schedule. It’s done and as far as the others go, they don’t need me. They’ll be fine.” Brian clenched his jaw tightly, signaling the end of the conversation.

Though Alexa was intrigued by his willingness to walk away from it all, she decided to drop the subject. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to broach such a sensitive subject with you.”

“It’s fine.”

Alexa could feel Brian emotionally pulling away. Everything inside of her was screaming to find a way to make it stop. “My dad killed himself,” she blurted after only a few seconds.

Brian glanced at her curiously wondering what had made her tell him such a personal detail about her life. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be. It was a long time ago. 1999, actually. Right around the time that Backstreet was back or you were wanting it your way, or something.” Alexa had the bad habit of making jokes when she was nervous. This one caused Brian to chuckle.

“In 1999, I wanted it my way.” He glanced over at her and smiled.

“I knew it was something like that.” She nodded slowly and smiled. “Yeah. He couldn’t provide for my sister and me anymore, so he put a bullet in his head. It was a stupid thing for him to do. If you remember yesterday, when you thought that I was encroaching on your space and you kind of freaked out on me?”

Brian laughed again. “I didn’t freak out on you.”

Alexa tilted her head and gave him a look that said, “Seriously?”

“Okay, maybe I did. What’s your point?”

“My point is that my dad is what I was talking about when I went on my spiel about not pitying you. I’ve kind of been there. In a different way of course, but still, I lost the one person that meant the most in this world to me, too.” She stuffed her hands in her pockets, suddenly chilled by a gust of wind.

Brian noticed Alexa shiver. He stuffed his hands into his pockets quickly suppressing his instinct to pull her close. “Are you getting cold? Do you want to head back?”

“I’m fine,” she replied quickly, “but we can go whenever you’re ready.”

“We probably should. I’ve got some things to take care of at home.”

They turned around and started to walk back the way that they had just come. Alexa knew that he probably didn’t have anything waiting for him to take care of at home, but as they made their way out of the park, she decided not to let it bother her.

Suddenly, Brian’s voice broke into her thoughts. “Thank you for telling me about your dad. I know that it must be hard to talk about.”

Alexa shrugged and smiled at him softly. “It used to be hard to talk about, but the pain fades eventually.”

Brian nodded. Her statement scared him. If he was honest with himself, he’d admit that part of the reason that he locked himself away and let the pain and guilt take over his life was because he didn’t want the pain to completely go away. In some ways, it seemed like if he let the pain go, he was letting Hayden go. He didn’t want to turn his wife into another passing memory.

Alexa looked over at Brian. “You remember how you met Jenny this morning?”

Brian nodded. “Your roommate? Yeah.”

“Well, she’s actually my foster sister. Growing up, she was my best friend, so when my dad died and my real sister went away to college Jenny’s parents took me in.” As Alexa walked she gazed at Brian. There was something about him that made her want to open up and spill her soul. Though she knew that he had ostracized the world around him, something had made him let her in.

“I don’t mean to be nosy, but what about your mom?”

“What about her?” Alexa asked, shrugging.

“I mean, when your dad passed away was your mom not in the picture at the time?” Brian could tell that the subject of Alexa’s mom was a touchy one. He didn’t want to force her to talk about it if she didn’t want to, but as he opened his mouth to say so, she answered his question.

“I never knew my mom. She ran out on my dad, my sister and me when I was a baby.” Alexa crossed her arms in front of her debating whether she should go on or not. She continued after a short inner-struggle. “When the state was trying to decide where to put me, they actually found my mom, but she didn’t want anything to do with me. I was 16-years-old and she signed away her parental rights, not that she should have had any to begin with.”

Brian’s heart began to ache, except, for the first time in a long time, it was for someone other than himself. “I’m really sorry to hear that.”

“Seriously, don’t be.” Alexa smiled at him softly. “I stopped caring a long time ago.”

“I admire the way that you don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself. You’re one of the few people that I know that has actually been through some stuff.” Brian turned his head to look at her. She smiled at him softly and their eyes locked.

Wanting to break the intenseness of the moment, Alexa looked away quickly and bumped Brian lightly with her shoulder. “Trust me. I’m not one you should be admiring and you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

Brian smiled. “I doubt it, but thanks.”

“You’re still here aren’t you?” She argued back at him.

“By that argument, if not killing yourself if a sign of strength, then okay. I’ll give it to you.” In his darkest hour, Brian had contemplated taking his life just so that the tears, the nausea and the agonizing aching in his heart would finally disappear. The only reason that he was still on this Earth was because he was afraid of the consequences of his actions—the pain of death and where he would end up in his afterlife.

A haunted look appeared in Alexa’s eyes as she sighed heavily. “I would know, right?”

Brian looked over at her quickly. He could sense that he hit a raw, emotional spot for her and he was sorry for that. “I didn’t mean to make you talk about something so personal and hurtful.”

Alexa shook her head. “No, not at all. I brought it up and I don’t mind talking about it. I just still miss my dad. That part never goes away. As far as my mother goes, it sucks to feel like you’re not wanted, but in the end it probably worked out for the best for me anyway.”

“But what if she came back and wanted to have a relationship with you? What then?”

Alexa laughed at his interest. “It seems really important to you that I give my mom a chance.”

Brian smiled back, embarrassed. “Family is really important to me, obviously. I just think that if you have a chance to have it, you shouldn’t turn it away.”

Alexa peered at him, debating the words that were on the tip of her tongue. “The same goes for you, too, wouldn’t you think?”

Brian narrowed his eyes in a confused look. “Meaning?”

“Meaning not only starting over romantically, but keeping your friends and your parents and siblings, if you have them, close to you in your time of need.” Alexa braced herself for Brian’s reaction. To her surprise, he just sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

“Maybe, but I still think that it’s a little bit different.” He looked down and continued to open up. A deep sadness dripped from his every word. “I don’t know if you know the details, but my wife was pregnant with our first child. She was everything to me. She and my unborn baby were my family. They were the people that I would fight and die for. You know, I love my mom and my dad and my brother to death, but it’s a different kind of love when it’s all yours. My mom has my dad, my brother has his wife and I had Hayden. I had that thing that fairy tales are made out of, but I never got my happy ending.”

“That’s not necessarily true. Your story isn’t over. A happy ending could still be around the corner. You might have to work harder at yours, that’s all.” Alexa’s heart broke for him. She wished that there was some way that she could take the pain away.

“I’ve done that already. I don’t know if I’m up to doing it again. My heart can’t take that much more disappointment.” By this time, Brian and Alexa had arrived back to Alexa’s house and Brian was grateful. It’s not that he hadn’t enjoyed talking to her; in fact, he’d probably enjoyed it too much. He’d just had enough deep conversation for a lifetime and he’d had the deepest conversation that he’d had in over five years.

“I guess I should probably go in and let you get to whatever it was that you needed to take care of,” Alexa said as she ran a hand through her hair. “I had a good time though. We should do this again.”

Brian quickly found himself nodding. “Yeah, definitely.”

Alexa waved and then turned and walked up the three stone-steps to her front door. Before letting herself in, she turned around and called out to him, “Hey, Brian?”

He looked at her over his shoulder and then turned around. “What’s up?”

“Do you want to do dinner or something? At the end of the week maybe?”

Her invitation took him aback for a moment. Instead of outright denying, he decided to play coy. He shrugged and smirked. “I don’t know. We’ll see. If I think you need some company, I’ll bring a pizza over on Friday night, or something.”

Alexa laughed and continued toward the door. “Whatever, Dude. Then maybe I’ll see you Friday!”

Brian laughed also, but he knew that he wasn’t going to be bringing pizza over to Alexa’s on Friday night. Wouldn’t that qualify as a date? He wondered to himself nauseously. No way. He had found himself being able to open up to her and feeling better in her presence, but he wasn’t ready for where this relationship could go if it continued. It was only a few days before that he was unable to leave bed. As soon as Alexa stepped into her house and he was alone again, the overbearing guilt of spending the day with another woman set in. Brian turned around with his head hung low and made his way sadly back to his cold, empty home.

Chapter 8

The night after she and had Brian spent the afternoon at the dog park, Alexa tossed and turned. She couldn’t seem to get her dad off of her mind. At one point, she closed her eyes and ached to be close to him again. She hated the thought that what she felt that night must be how Brian feels every single day. She was able to let go of her father eventually, but Brian continued to hold on to his wife no matter how badly it hurt.

The next morning, Alexa was out of bed early. After her normal routine of replying to e-mail and browsing a few random news and blog sites, she found herself staring at a semi-familiar name on People Search—an Internet tool that allowed users to update their personal information so that long-lost friends and family would be able to find them when searching the vast space on the World Wide Web. It was her mother. Alexa scanned the woman’s personal profile and scoffed. “Who have you lost that you would like to either find or have find you?” Alexa read aloud to herself. “My daughters.”

She shook her head and clicked the red colored box with the X in the middle to close the screen. She had let Brian get in her head, but there was no way that she was ever going to call that woman, that stranger whom she had to call her mother.

Throughout the week, Alexa went back to that page often. It killed her to look at the picture that had since been posted. The resemblance of herself to her mother was unreal. In a moment of weakness, Alexa gave in and clicked the print icon at the top of the screen. The chances of her actually calling her mother were slim to none, however, she couldn’t help wanting to have that option.

Before the document finished printing, Alexa’s phone rang beside her. She looked at the screen and actually cringed when she saw Brooke’s name. The last time that the sisters had spoken had been the day that Ben had offered Alexa her current assignment. She’d been avoiding Brooke’s phone calls ever since. This time, she figured that she should answer or else Brooke may use her husband’s connections to send the National Guard out to find her.

“Brooke! Hey!” Alexa answered cheerfully, hoping that her sister would just be relieved to finally talk to her.

“Don’t you ‘hey’ me, Alexa Elizabeth Owens! I’ve been worried sick about you! It’s been two weeks, where are you?” Brooke immediately scolded.

Alexa smiled. Brooke was getting this mommy thing down pretty well. “I’m sorry that I haven’t called. I’ve just been super busy.”

“Busy doing what?”

“Working. I have a job, you know.” Alexa was hoping that the work excuse would be enough, but she couldn’t have been more wrong.

“Working what? The streets? You haven’t been to your apartment in weeks. Your landlord told me that much. Did Ben actually fire you that day?” Brooke’s tone softened a bit, but was still sharp as nails.

Alexa figured that she should probably come out and tell her the truth. Well, at least the partial truth. She wasn’t going to tell Brooke that she was partly right about her working the streets. “No, she started, “actually he gave me a new assignment. A real one. He sent me to Georgia to do some research.”

“Georgia? What are you researching in Georgia that you can’t find in New York?” Brooke asked, obviously not buying the story.

“Haven’t you heard of the ‘Dirty South’, Brooke? It’s the big thing in music right now.” Alexa gritted her teeth and mentally kicked herself. The Dirty South, Alexa? She thought to herself. Come on!

“Alexa,” Brooke sighed. “What do you know about the ‘Dirty South’? Before your 16th birthday, you’d never been south of Manhattan.”

“I don’t need to know the South. I just need to know music, which I do, and I’m sorry that I worried you. Like I said, I’ve just been busy.” Alexa closed her eyes and clamped her hands together, praying that her sister would buy her excuses and just leave it at that.

“Well, how long is this assignment going to last?” Brooke was finally starting to cave in. That was one thing that Alexa had always loved about her sister, no matter what Alexa did she never managed to stay annoyed or angry for long.

“I’m not really sure. Until Ben says that he wants me to come back, I guess.” Alexa sighed, hating that she had only given Brooke half of the story. Alexa knew that if Brooke knew the details of what she was doing in Georgia, that she’d probably drive down from Washington, D.C. herself, shove Alexa in a car and never let her leave her sister’s sight again.

“Well, where are you staying, in some hotel? Do you know anyone?”

Alexa glanced over at the page that was now sitting freshly printed in her printer’s document tray and shook her head. If only her mother had actually been around, Brooke wouldn’t have to continue playing mommy all the time. “I’m fine. Jenny came down with me and Ben set me up in a really nice house in a suburb outside of Atlanta.”

“Alexa? Are you sure this is an assignment. You’re not sleeping with Ben are you?”

Alexa actually pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at it in shock. “What? No! What would make you say that?”

“I don’t see any other reason as to why you would continue to be at that man’s beck and call and now you’re in Georgia, apparently doing some research on the ‘Dirty South’, living in a nice home. It just seems strange. There has to be something else going on.” Brooke sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you. I’m just trying to understand and I’m worried about you.”

“Please just trust me when I tell you this. I’m on assignment in Georgia. I’m not sleeping with Ben. Ew, no way. Okay?” The line was silent for a few seconds. Alexa had to look at the phone to make sure that she and Brooke hadn’t lost their connection. “Okay?”

“Yeah, okay. I trust you. Just be careful, please.” Brooke paused thoughtfully for a moment, then continued. “I don’t trust Ben. I just feel like he’s up to something when it comes to you.”

“I think that you’re overreacting, but I promise that I’ll be safe and I’ll call you more often.”

Brooke laughed. “You’d better. I guess that I’d better let you go. Lance and I have a dinner to go to tonight at the capitol. I just wanted to see if I could reach you before I left”

“Ooh, fancy.” Alexa laughed. On the other end of the line, her sister rolled her eyes playfully. “Okay, have a good time and kiss Wes for me.”

“I will. I love you, Aly.”

“I love you, too, Brooke.” The women hung up shortly thereafter. For the thousandth time since agreeing to go to Georgia, Alexa felt sick with guilt. She hated to lie to her sister. She hated to lie to Brian. She wished that she could just come clean and hope that Brian would still want to be her friend—if that’s even what they were.

Alexa glanced at the date stamp on the bottom right-hand corner of her screen and suddenly realized that it was Friday. She was excited for a second, because she and Brian were supposed to have dinner together. Her excitement quickly faded, however, when she remember that he’d only said that he might come over and bring a pizza. Chances were that she probably wouldn’t be seeing Brian tonight after all.

----------------------------

Long after sunset, Brian was still at home dressed in the same pajama bottoms that he had worn to bed the night before. He was lying on the couch with his legs slung over the back and his face lying flat against the soft, leather cushions. ESPN SportsCenter was blaring loudly on the big screen television in front of him.

Brian had been especially lonely that day. He had considered walking across the street and asking Alexa to hang out, but then decided that the term ‘hang out’ sounded so high school. People their age didn’t ‘hang out.’ Throughout the day, he ran through many frivolous excuses to go across the street and ring the doorbell, but he eventually talked himself out of all of them. That’s why now, at 8 ‘o clock, he was still plastered to his couch watching that week's football game highlights.

He hadn’t forgotten Alexa’s dinner invitation. However, spending time with her when the sun was out seemed like a safer, less threatening idea. He’d quickly talked himself out of dinner at the moment that she had mentioned the idea. Now, as his stomach grumbled loudly, he was kind of starting to regret it. He glanced at the clock that was on the mantle piece above the television and wondered if it was too late to bring that pizza across the street. He shook his head and turned his attention back to SportsCenter. It wasn’t long, however, until his eyes went back to the clock.

By 8:30, he had picked up the phone finally deciding that it was only dinner. He reasoned that they’d had dinner once before and that it was only pizza. There was nothing romantic about pizza.

He quickly placed his order of a large, extra-cheese pizza and two 20-ounce bottles of soda with his favorite local pizzeria, Big Johns Pizza Palace. Big John himself answered the phone and promised to have his pizza delivered in 30 minutes or less. Brian thanked Big John, hung up the phone, and then jogged up the stairs to the second story of his house taking them two at a time. By the time he finished taking a quick shower and changing into jeans and a t-shirt, his doorbell was ringing, signaling the arriving of his dinner.

He paid the delivery boy, thanked him and then headed across the street. By now, it was after 9 ‘o clock. As he waited patiently for Alexa to open the door, he thought about what a stupid idea this was. It’s 9 o’clock, Brian. He thought to himself. She’s probably had dinner already. You should have just stayed home.

Within seconds, Alexa opened the door. She was wearing a loose-fitting pair of sweatpants and a white tank top that bared a barely tanned midriff. Her hair was pulled up into a loose ponytail. She obviously wasn’t expecting company, but Brian thought that she looked beautiful.

“Brian, hey.” Alexa greeted him as she opened the door. By 8:30, she had completely given up on the idea of Brian actually showing, so she had changed into her pajamas and settled in with a movie. “I really didn’t think that you were coming.”

“I saw Jenny leave earlier with one of her many suitors and I figured that you were probably lonely enough for some pizza.” Brian smiled and then looked down, forcing himself to stop staring at her. When he regained his composure, he looked back up. “You haven’t eaten yet, have you?”

“No, actually.” She shook her head realizing how rude she was being. “Come in, I’m sorry. You actually saved me. I was just about to heat up some leftover Chinese food.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad actually. Chinese food is actually better the second day around.” Brian chuckled as Alexa made a face that clearly signaled that she didn’t agree. He looked up at the television and noticed that she was watching Pretty Woman. “Good movie. It’s a classic.”

“You like Pretty Woman?” Alexa asked, sounding astonished.

Brian laughed. “Guys can enjoy a good chick flick every once in a while, too, you know!” He paused and looked down.

“Brian you do realize that you’re in a boyband and you like chick flicks. Are you sure you aren’t gay?” Alexa smiled at him playfully as she led him around the couch and into the living room.

Brian laughed out loud as he set the pizza box down. “No, I’m definitely not gay. Dead wife here, remember?”

Alexa turned shot him a quick glance, shocked that he was actually making a joke about having a dead wife. Brian must have realized what he had said at the same moment. His face fell and he began wringing his hands nervously. Those were the kinds of comments that he said in his head on his good days, never out loud to anyone else. A week ago, he was still breaking into tears and falling into the blackest of holes. Now, he was practically on a date. How did this happen? How had it happened without Brian knowing that it had happened?

Alexa glanced at Brian wanting so badly to keep him from falling into a dark mood. “That still doesn’t prove me wrong.”

Brian shot her a look, not knowing what she was talking about. “What?” He asked simply.

“That you had a wife. Lots of gay people get married to hide their true feelings.” Alexa shot him a playful look.

He smirked and shook his head. “I promise you, I’m not gay.”

Alexa smiled to herself as she took a bite of the cheesy pizza. “I believe you.”

“Good,” he replied. Alexa turned back to her movie. Brian watched as she laughed softly at the scene where Julia Roberts’ character is in the bubble bath singing along to an old Prince classic. He smiled to himself and then turned back to his slice of pizza. As he reached down to grab his soda from the table, he noticed a crumpled picture of an older woman with a phone number listed underneath. Intrigued he asked, “Who’s this?”

Alexa rolled her eyes at the picture that he was studying closely. There was obviously something that he recognized. “That is Caroline Kessler.”

“I can read.” He looked at Alexa and smirked. “Do you know her?”

“Not really, no.” Alexa looked away not wanting to hash it out with him. Throughout the day, she had thrown the phone number away and taken it out of the trash so many times that she had lost count.

Brian nodded knowingly. “Ah. She’s your mother.”

“How did you know?”

“Well, for one, whether this is a compliment or not, you look a lot like her.” He set the picture back down on the table.

“It’s not a compliment.” She took another bite of her pizza and turned her attention back to the television. It’s not that Brian was bothering her. It’s just that she had never spoken to anyone about her mother this much, not even Brooke. If it somehow helped Brian to focus on other people’s problems, however, then she was willing to keep talking about her mother until she was blue in the face.

“I don’t mean to keep harping on about it, but you have her number, you should call her. It says that she’s looking for you.”

Alexa shook her head. “I’m not hard to find. If she really wanted to, she could find me. Hell, my sister’s husband is a politician. If she wanted to find either of us, she could.” She paused for a moment with a thought. “I’ll make a deal with you.”

“I already don’t like where this is going.”

She turned so that she was facing him on the couch. Her leg was suddenly pressed against his rock hard thigh. The warmth of his body touching hers in even the smallest way sent a chill racing through her body. She took a moment to compose herself. “I’ll make an effort to talk to my mom the day that you become a Backstreet Boy again.”

Brian pursed his lips and cocked and eyebrow. He then smirked and turned toward the television though he wasn’t paying any attention to the movie. Like Alexa, he was wrapped up in the closeness of their bodies. Just their legs were touching, but it had been five years since he’d had even that. “It looks like your mom is going to waiting a long time.”

Alexa laughed and moved further down the couch. “Whether you’ll admit it or not, I think that you miss it.”

“I don’t.” He shook his head. “I may miss singing sometimes, but I don’t miss what being a Backstreet Boy represented. There’s a painful past that comes along with it and I just don’t want to be reminded of my last performance, of the reason that my wife wanted to get on that plane that day, or being forced to perform only a few weeks after having a major heart surgery. It’s just a lot.”

“It doesn’t have to still be a lot. Only you can decide which memories you take away from being a Backstreet Boy.”

Brian shrugged. “Maybe it just boils down to not being ready.”

Alexa nodded slowly. “Ditto.” Across the couch they locked eyes. Alexa could feel herself being drawn to him. She looked at his pink, slightly freckled lips and couldn’t help wanting to kiss them. She closed her eyes tightly and sighed deeply, willing her body to stay planted where it was on her end of the couch. It was too soon. If she pushed him, it would all be over. She wouldn’t even have his friendship.

Brian was also having a hard time breaking his gaze. There was something sexual about the way that she closed her eyes and let out that small sigh. He lightly licked his lips. When he realized what was going on inside of him, he shook his head to clear the thoughts and stood up quickly. “I should go.”

Alexa opened her eyes and nodded. “Yeah, I’m kind of tired. I think I’m going to get to bed early. Thank you for the pizza though.”

Brian smiled and nodded. “Anytime.”

Alexa got up from her place on the couch and walked him to the door. She watched him walk slowly across the street. His hands were hanging loosely in his pockets and he was staring up at the starry night sky as if in prayer. Alexa watched him until he entered his house. She then closed the door and leaned heavily against it. Alexa, she thought to herself miserably, you have to get a hold on yourself. You’ve got his friendship. That’s all that you’ll ever have and that will have to be enough. It is enough.

Chapter 9

September faded into October, then October to November. The fall days rolled by quickly for Brian as his friendship with Alexa grew. She was the first person-- really the only person-- that he’d let into his life since his wife had passed away. It was comforting when he looked at Alexa and her eyes didn’t bleed with pity and sorrow for what he’d lost. To Alexa, he wasn’t Brian, “the Backstreet Boy who lost his wife”, or Brian, “my good friend whose wife tragically passed away”; he was just Brian. When they were together, he let the sadness that had surrounded him for so many years finally take a backseat. It was when she left his side and he was completely alone in the home that he had once shared with his wife that he still felt immeasurably guilty.

He felt guilty for starting to feel good again. He felt guilty for spending time with a woman other than his wife. He felt guilty for letting Hayden slip from his thoughts for long moments at a time. His head continuously told him that he shouldn’t feel guilty. He had done nothing wrong and no matter how badly he felt about it, his wife really was gone and she was never coming back. His heart, however, would scream in opposition, yearning to hold onto Hayden with every beat. His heart would achingly argue that it wasn’t true, that she hadn’t really been on that plane and that she was still coming back someday.

Still, there was no denying one simple fact. He was intensely physically attracted to Alexa. Some days, his muscles ached just to know how she would feel in his arms. At night, a new set of dreams began to mix in with his faithful recurring nightmares. They were of him and Alexa, sweaty and grunting wildly on a set of red silk sheets in an Eden-like garden. White flower petals drifted down around them as he did things to her that could make a grown-man blush. They would come to a climax together with a final thrust. He would shudder as she moaned his name. Finally, as their bodies began to relax, he would place soft butterfly kisses along her collar bone as she ran her hands through his hair. She would kiss the top of his head and whisper softly into his ear, “I love you.”

When he awoke from that dream, Brian would immediately jump out of bed no matter the time and into an ice cold shower. As the water ran down his body, he would begin to cry uncontrollably. The day after, he could hardly look at Alexa without blushing.

Weekly dinners together had become a Tuesday night ritual. They would take turns bringing pizza, Chinese food or some other bad-for-you type of takeout to each other’s houses. Some nights they talked about things of little to no importance and others, they talked about religion, politics, love and loss.

One Tuesday in October, Brian was having a particularly difficult day. It would have been his seven-year wedding anniversary. Naturally, he was broken up inside, so he didn’t answer the door when Alexa rang the doorbell. The entire day, Brian had stayed in bed with the curtains drawn. With the house as dark as he could make it, he attempted to sleep the once-happy memories away. Alexa, however, wasn’t having it. She wasn’t going to let him feel sorry for himself. She walked around the house to the back patio area and let herself in through the unlocked back door. She marched up to Brian’s room and made him get out of bed. Together, they sat on the floor as Brian played Hayden and his wedding video over and over. Silent tears fell down his cheeks the entire time. As Alexa watched from her place on the floor next to Brian, she didn’t throw around clichés about moving on and being happy. She didn’t say a word. She was just there. Since that night, Alexa didn’t chance ringing the doorbell. Instead, at exactly 7 o’ clock, she walked right in through the front door. Tonight was apparently going to be Greek-themed. She walked in with two large plastic bags full of food from the local Greek restaurant, Skorpios. When she walked in, Brian met her in the foyer and smiled as she struggled to close the door behind her. He shut the door and took the bags from her hands.

“Are you expecting company? Or are you just really hungry tonight?” Brian asked laughingly as he surveyed the amount of food that littered the bags.

Alexa laughed and shrugged. “I wasn’t really sure what you liked so I got a little bit of everything. Oh, and…” She paused to pull a DVD case out of her purse. “My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It seemed appropriate.”

Brian shook his head and chuckled softly. They walked into the living room where Brian set the food down on the coffee table while Alexa put the movie in the DVD player. After pressing play, she turned around to take her place on the couch and noticed a suitcase leaning against the staircase banister. “Are you going somewhere?” She asked, nodding to the suitcase.

Brian turned around to see what she was referring to, then nodded slowly. "Oh," he replied, suddenly remembering his trip. “Yeah, I’m obligated to go to Kentucky for Thanksgiving.”

“Oh,” Alexa replied, feeling slightly disappointed. Jenny had flown home for the holidays earlier in the week. For some reason, she hadn’t thought about Brian being gone, too. “When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow. I come back on Sunday. What about you? I was surprised that you didn’t fly back with Jenny a couple days ago.” Brian replied, taking a large bite of his grilled chicken pita.

Alexa shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere. I used to have Thanksgiving with Jenny’s family, but her parents recently moved to Florida, so I don’t see that much of them anymore.”

Brian looked at Alexa sadly. The thought of her spending the holidays alone killed him. Right after Hayden died, he had begged to spend Thanksgiving alone, but when he didn’t go to his family in Kentucky, his family had come to him. At the time, it was torturous having his mom, dad, brother and sister-in-law hanging around feeling sorry for him. He watched the couples’ stolen kisses and warm embraces with envy. As he thought about it now, he was thankful that they hadn’t let him spend the holidays alone. A lot of dates had been ruined in his life--Valentines Day, Hayden’s birthday, his wedding anniversary—he was grateful that his family wouldn’t allow Thanksgiving and Christmas add to that list. “What about your sister? You two seem close. What is she doing?”

“I’ve told you that her husband is a politician. He’s the state representative for Maryland. They’ve got all kinds of charity events and volunteer work that they do. Thursday night they have dinner at this fancy White House party.”

“Your brother-in-law is Lance something or the other, right? That really young guy, only a couple of years out of college? He won state representative in a big, unprecedented way?”

Alexa nodded, proudly.

“Yeah, they were talking about him on the news the other day. He was sending a message out begging his sister-in-law to visit him on Thanksgiving.” Brian smirked as Alexa swatted him with a couch pillow.

“I’m not invited to the White House,” She laughed. “It’s fine. I’ll be with them for Christmas.”

Brian paused thoughtfully. “You should come home with me.”

“What? No way.” Alexa shook her head. “Your family doesn’t even know me.”

“That’s never mattered before.” Brian shrugged. He almost couldn’t believe that he was asking her to come two states away with him to spend Thanksgiving with his family, but the idea actually kind of excited him. He wasn’t going to take “no” for an answer.

“Well, it matters now.” She laughed again. No way am I going to turn into a tri-state deceitful bitch, Alexa thought to herself mournfully, though she kind of wished that she could accept his invitation. The thought of spending Thanksgiving with Brian and his family warmed her insides, but deep down she knew that she couldn’t go with him. It wouldn’t be right.

“Come on! It’ll be fine. I could use the company driving all the way up there-”

“And you’re driving!” Alexa exclaimed. “No. No way. Nothing that you can say will convince me to get into a car with you for that long. Just going through Atlanta with you is scary enough.”

Brian laughed. “It’s not that long of a drive. 6 hours maybe.” He leaned back against the couch and rolled his head toward her. “It would make me really happy if you came. Otherwise, it’s only going to ruin my holiday to think that you’re home alone on Thanksgiving.”

Alexa rolled her eyes. “It will not. Besides Brian, how weird is that? It’s like you’re bringing a date home. Everyone will make a big deal out of it.”

He hadn’t really thought about it like that, but still, it didn’t matter. He knew that if he went to Kentucky alone, he would miss her terribly for the next five longs days. The realization that he really just didn’t want to be without her both frightened and excited him. “It won’t be like that. I’ll call my mom tonight and let her know that I’m bringing you with me. She’ll be excited.”

“I don’t know, Brian.” Alexa bit her bottom lip. Apprehension was written across her face. Against her better judgment, she was starting to cave in. “I would feel like I was imposing and-”

“That’s crazy. I asked you to come, you aren’t imposing. You’re being ridiculous. No one wants to be alone on a national holiday.” Brian paused, waiting for her to respond. When he could see that he almost had her convinced, he continued. “If I have to, I’m going to go across the street, pack your suitcase for you and throw you into my car.”

Alexa blew a fallen piece of hair out of her face and knew that she was beat. There was no way that he was leaving here tomorrow without her. Part of her was flattered, another part was terrified. “Couldn’t we at least fly?”

Brian stared at her with a blank expression on his face. “I don’t fly.”

Alexa sighed and nodded her head. “I know.”

“Besides, Aly, it’s only-“ He stopped and knitted his eyebrows at the smile radiating off of Alexa’s face. “What?”

“You called me Aly.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “That’s your name, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but you’ve never called me that before.”

Brian shook his head and laughed. “Whatever. What I was going to say before I was interrupted by that smirk on your face is that it’s only a six hour drive. It’s not worth the money to fly.”

“I get it. It’s fine. We’ll drive. Just be gentle with me, otherwise, my sister will murder you.” She laughed as Brian rolled his eyes again.

“I’m not that bad of a driver.”

“Eh,” Alexa replied, shrugging one shoulder. “He said, she said. So, where are we staying?”

A wide grin spread across Brian’s face. “Well, I was going to stay at my mom’s house.”

Alexa shook her head violently from side to side. “No. That’s my stipulation. If I go with you, we stay at a hotel.”

“Deal.” Brian replied quickly and chuckled to himself.

Alexa looked up to the ceiling and sighed playfully. “You didn’t want to stay your mom’s house anyway. I feel used.”

“Good,” Brian joked. “That’s how I like my women.”

Alexa rolled her eyes and laughed. “I guess I should go home and start packing then. So much for ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’.”

Brian got up and extended his hands to help Alexa off of the couch. As she stood, his hands lingered in hers for a moment. He let go quickly and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and followed her to the foyer.

As she was heading out the door, she turned to Brian. “So, what time do we leave tomorrow?”

Brian smiled, knowing how much she was going to like his answer. “6 a.m.”

“Ugh,” she groaned with a smile. “I really hate you sometimes. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Brian watched her begin down his porch steps. Without thinking, he grabbed onto her arm before she was out of reach. He didn’t want her to go. He knew how he was going to feel as soon as he shut the door. He wanted to avoid that feeling for as long as possible. He wanted to feel good for just a little while longer.

She turned around expectantly, shocked by the looked in his eyes. “What’s up?”

He let go of her arm sheepishly and looked away from her burning gaze. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m really glad that you’re coming home with me.”

Alexa laughed softly. “Once the introductions are over, I’m sure that I’ll be glad, too.”

Brian watched as Alexa finished descending the stairs. Once she was safely inside her house, he closed his front door, walked into the living room and threw himself down onto the couch with a sigh. Suddenly, he was starting to regret asking her to make the trip with him. His insides were burning with desire for her. He knew that the feeling was not one that was going to go away easily.

He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. When his eyes reopened, he was face to face with the wedding portrait that was in its place on the mantle in front of him. I’m sorry that I’m so weak, he prayed silently to his wife. I’m only a man.

Chapter 10

That night, Alexa stayed up later than she should have. She was nervous about traveling to Kentucky with Brian to meet his family. It just seemed like such a couple-like thing to do and she and Brian were most certainly not a couple. She wished that she could be more than a friend to him, but she knew that it was going to be a long time before Brian was able to take that step with anyone. Besides, she was conflicted. Though she hadn’t spoken to Ben in months, as far as he knew, she was working for him by trying to deceive Brian and push him back into the music business. Now knowing Brian personally, Alexa had no idea how Ben had expected her to accomplish such a goal.

All of that was beside the point; no matter what happened between her and Brian, unless she disappeared from his life forever, he was going to eventually find out that she was paid by his former boss to move in across the street from him, gain his trust and report back to Jive. Alexa knew that even though she had no intention of selling Brian out to Ben, once Brian found out that she was associated with Jive Records, he would feel betrayed and would probably never want to speak to her again. She had lied to him about her job and her living and financial situations. Though she was honest when it counted, Alexa couldn’t say that she would blame him for shutting her out of his life.

The next morning, Alexa’s alarm seemed to go off the minute that her eyelids grew heavy and she finally fell asleep that night. It was 5:30 in the morning. She groaned as she pulled herself out of bed. As she navigated her way down the stairs, she heard noises coming from the kitchen. Slightly shaking, nerves rushing through her body, she grabbed a heavy iron statue off of one of the decorative hallway tables and tiptoed to the kitchen. She flicked the lights on and screamed when she saw Brian standing in front of the refrigerator.

Brian jumped at her screams and then chuckled softly. “What’s your problem?”

“My problem?” She huffed as she kicked him in the shin. “You scared me to death! I thought you were a burglar.”

“Alexa! What the hell did you think that you were going to do with that?” He asked gesturing to the statue. “And what smart woman would come after a potentially dangerous criminal in her underwear?”

Alexa looked down, realizing that she was dressed in a pink sleeping t-shirt and a pair of striped boy-shorts. She quickly stepped behind the island, away from Brian’s view. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought that my house was empty! I was coming down here for coffee. What are you doing here?”

Brian shrugged sheepishly. “I don’t know. I figured you’d be upstairs for a while, showering and whatnot. I’ve been up for a while, so I thought that I’d come over and make you breakfast as a thank you for coming with me. I used the key that you gave me a few weeks ago.”

Alexa sighed and finally placed the metal statue on the counter in front of her. “If you weren’t trying to do something so darn nice, I’d kick you again.”

Brian laughed. “You’re welcome.” He leaned back into the fridge and pulled out a container of eggs. “Now go back upstairs and do what you need to do. Breakfast or not, we’re still leaving at 6.”

Alexa laughed softly. “For someone who’s always late, you sure are worried about leaving on time.”

“Just go, will you?” Brian replied as he began cracking eggs over a glass bowl.

“I’m going, I’m going.”

Brian glanced at her barely clothed figure leaving the kitchen and smirked to himself. He quickly shook his head to clear the naughty thoughts that were beginning to swirl. He looked down at the bowl in front of him and started to scramble the eggs.

Fifteen minutes later, Alexa came bouncing down the stairs wearing a navy blue and white sundress. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail.

Brian smiled when he saw her. “You look nice, but you do know that it’s November and we’re going to be in a car for six hours?”

“I don’t want to hear your mouth, Littrell.” She smiled softly and sat down on one of the wooden stools that were placed around the island counter. “For one, I’m from New York, remember? Secondly, your family has never met me, so I’m not going to go up there looking like a scrub. Now where’s my breakfast?”

Brian held up one hand in defeat and pushed a warm plate of scrambled eggs in front of her with the other. “You’re more nervous about meeting my parents than even Hayden was and she was my girlfriend at the time.”

Alexa nodded. She felt a pang of disappointment in her heart. ‘And she was my girlfriend at the time,’ repeated in her mind. Alexa knew that she wasn’t Brian’s girlfriend, but hearing him say the words the way that he did just reiterated the fact that she wasn’t his girlfriend now and wasn't ever going to be. “Think of it this way. You’re mom hasn’t seen you in months. The last time that she did see you, you were undoubtedly sobbing on her shoulder about how sad you were, right?”

“I wouldn’t go that far, no.” Brian replied, wondering where she was going with this.

“Let’s just say that now you aren’t so sad anymore and it’s all because of me.” Alexa joked as she took a large bite of her scrambled eggs. She smiled at Brian as he rolled his eyes and shook his head slowly.

If only she knew how right that statement actually was, Brian thought to himself. When he had called his mother the night before, she had been excited that he was bringing a friend with him. At first, she thought that he was bringing Nick or AJ—neither of which had completely stable home lives, both of which had attended holiday dinners at the Littrell home in the past. His mom was even more excited when he told her that no, he wasn’t bringing a Backstreet Boy, he was bringing a girl.

When he had asked Alexa to come with him, he didn’t understand the implications of what that would mean to his family. He didn’t realize that they would automatically become hopeful of having another daughter or sister-in-law in the future. Brian thought that, at the most, they would just be happy that he was branching out beyond his dog and his house. But no, they had expectations. Most of which, Brian was going to fall short of. Though he was attracted to Alexa, he just wasn’t ready to move on. Really, he didn’t know if he’d ever be ready.

As Alexa finished her breakfast, Brian loaded their suitcases into the car. By the time that he came back, she had finished off her eggs and toast, rinsed the plate and put it in the dish rack. “Dang, that was quick.” Brian said with raised eyebrows as he reentered the room.

Alexa shrugged. “I’m actually kind of shocked. You make a mean scrambled egg, Mr. Littrell.”

Brian laughed. “It’s kind of hard to mess up scrambled eggs.”

“They do it at Denny’s everyday.” Alexa looked over at him and smiled. He looked more relaxed than Alexa had ever seen him. “It’s almost six; are you ready to go?”

Brian nodded. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

Alexa grabbed her purse off of the counter and led the way out of the house. Brian walked passed her to go and start the car as she double locked the front door. Brian pulled the car from his driveway up to hers and opened the door for Alexa to climb in. She dropped her purse into the backseat and smiled when she saw Tyke curled up on a pillow, sleeping soundly. "You forgot to mention that we were going to have company." Alexa said, motioning to Tyke as she buckled her seatbelt.

"Of course Tyke is going to come with us. What else was I going to do with him? The only person that I trust enough around here to leave him with is coming with me."

There was a pang in Alexa's heart at the word trust. She shook it off, knowing that she couldn't let the things that she could no longer control ruin the time that she had with Brian now. At that moment she decided. As soon as Thanksgiving was over, she was going to tell him the truth.

"What's the matter?" Brian asked, breaking into her thoughts. "You look troubled over there."

"No, not troubled, just praying." She smiled over at him as he rolled his eyes. "So, what did your mom say when you told her that you were bringing me?"

"She was excited, honestly. I'd told her about you when we started to hang out regularly, so she's excited to meet you." Brian glanced over at her quickly. She was biting her bottom lip in nervous anticipation. "Would you stop being so nervous? There's nothing to be worried about."

Alexa nodded. "I know, but there's always a kind of nervousness about meeting new people, isn't there? Especially people that mean so much to the people that you care about."

"Aw, you care about me." Brian joked at her sentiment.

"Shut-up." She laughed and turned her head toward the passenger side window, watching the scenery go by in a blur.

The car stayed silent for a few moments as both Brian and Alexa became caught up in their own thoughts. Brian looked over at Alexa, struggling within his mind to find a way to break the silence and calm the nerves that he knew were running through her. "So," he started, "tell me more about your life in the Big Apple."

Alexa turned toward him and smiled. "Like what? I've told you everything that there is to know."

Brian chuckled softly to himself. "Tell me about your last boyfriend."

"Oh, so we're going there this morning, huh?" She leaned up to fiddle with the radio. "You listen to really bad music."

Brian laughed. "I do not and stop changing the subject. Are you going to tell me about him or not?"

Alexa leaned back debating with herself about how personal she really wanted to get with him. Finally, she spoke up. "I'll make a deal with you."

"Oh great, here we go." Brian paused, thinking that maybe he didn't want to know about her past relationships that badly after all. "What's the deal?"

"I'll talk to you about my past as long as you talk to me about yours." She looked at Brian who was now concentrating fully on the road. "We've only talked about the bad things as far as Hayden's concerned. I want to hear the good things."

Brian sat silently contemplating her proposal. His memories with Hayden, up until now, had been solely his to cherish. He held onto those memories selfishly with his whole heart. Once she'd died, he didn't want to talk about the good times for fear that once they were spoken they'd be gone. It was a dumb theory, he knew that, but what he remembered about Hayden was all that he had left. He sighed and looked over at Alexa. It's not that he cared that much to know about her past relationships, but he knew that she was interested in his. She still believed in love. To Alexa, Brian's love for Hayden was exactly what she wanted to have in her own life someday.

"So?" She asked. "Do we have a deal?"

Brian nodded slowly. "Okay. Fine. We have a deal."

"Really?" Alexa asked, astonished that he would actually agree to talk openly about his wife. "Do you care that much about my ex-boyfriends?"

"Honestly? No." Brian replied, smiling. "But I know that you want to know and it couldn't hurt to talk about the good times every once in a while."

"My thoughts exactly. So, do you want me to go first? There really isn't that much to tell." Alexa shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it. Not because it was a bad story or because it had a sad ending, but because it didn't even come close to comparing to what Brian had with Hayden.

"Yeah. Tell me about your most recent boyfriend." Brian replied. He began to tense up, realizing what he'd just gotten himself into. Not only had he agreed to talk about Hayden, but he also had to listen to Alexa talk about some guy that she'd been hung up on at one point in time.

"I've only really had one serious boyfriend. His name was Aaron. I'm a little bit younger than you, so I haven’t gotten a chance to take as many laps around the block, if you know what I mean." Alexa smiled as Brian shook his head. "Not to mention. I've never been a pop-star."

"And the digs begin. That's okay. I can take it. Go on."

"We met at this bakery in Manhattan called Bernard’s. My dad used to take my sister and me there when we were little. Since then, Bernie and his family have become like a surrogate family to me. I used to go there as much as possible. Lately it's been a madhouse, so it's been hard to get any love." She pouted playfully at Brian. "Anyway, I was in my early 20s at the time-" She stopped when Brian scoffed. "What?"

"What? What do you mean what?" Brian laughed. "You're still in your early 20s. You're only 24."

Alexa rolled her eyes. "Whatever, you knew what I meant. I was like 22 or something. Better?"

Brian nodded his head.

"You're so darn picky."

"You’re still trying to change the subject."

Alexa looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "Me? You're the one who-"

"Alexa." Brian laughed at how uncomfortable she seemed.

"Fine.” Alexa paused to compose herself. She began again a moment later. “Anyway, we met at Bernard's Bakery. I was sitting at my usual table, eating lunch. Aaron walked over and asked if he could sit down; I told him yes. We dated for about a year and a half, then he decided that he liked boys. The end."

"What?" Brian exclaimed, turning his head in her direction quickly, causing the car to swerve.

"Brian! Watch where you're going." Alexa laughed.

"Sorry. What do you mean he decided that he likes boys?" Brian smirked. "Was that just his excuse to break up with you or was he really was gay?"

"Oh, no. He's totally gay. I don't know why I didn't see it before. It's kind of gross, but he cheated on me with so many men that it was ridiculous." She shook her head slowly. "In fact, he came out to me one tear-filled night and told me that he loved me and he knew that he could be IN love with me. We had talked about getting married and he said that he really believed that we would someday. He expected all of these feelings to just go away, but by the time he came out, he knew that he was in too deep. It was crazy and heartbreaking, but mostly just crazy."

Brian rubbed his lips together desperately trying not to laugh. Alexa looked at him and shook her head again. "See, this is exactly why I didn't want to tell you!"

"I'm sorry." He scoffed as she crossed her arms. "Really, I'm sorry, but it is kind of funny. It's sad though that you're first love turned out to be gay."

"That's my life." She laughed. "I couldn't really expect anything else. Nothing ever turns out the way that I plan."

"It's still kind of heartbreaking, though. If the only real boyfriend that you ever had was gay, then you've never really experienced love?" Brian looked over at the woman that he cared about so much. Her father killed himself; her mother didn't want her; and her first love turned out to be gay. Maybe his life wasn't as bad as he thought it was.

"I wouldn't say that. I've loved." She shrugged. "I guess I've just never been loved in return."

"Well, if you would have had a penis, maybe then?"

She shot a dirty look in his direction and he continued to laugh.

"Hardee, harr, harr. Laugh it up, Big Boy, because now it's your turn." Alexa couldn't believe that she'd told him that story. She had never even told Brooke or Jenny that Aaron had been gay. She just told them that she'd been dumped.

"What do you want to know?" Brian asked, the smile slowly evaporating from his handsome face.

"How did you meet?" Alexa prodded him along. It was easy for her to start her own story, but she knew that Brian was going to need some coaxing.

"Well, we were shooting a music video, actually. She was one of the models. AJ and I actually both saw her at the same time and throughout the week, we fought for her attention. Eventually, he could see that I was really into her and that she was kind of digging me too, so he backed down." Brian licked his lips slowly and sighed at the memory. "We were on tour at the time, so our relationship started over the phone. We got to know each other on an emotional level first."

Alexa nodded. "So, what happened next?"

"Um," Brian puckered his lips tensely. Though Brian and Hayden had met in Los Angeles, Hayden lived in Georgia while Brian resided in Orlando, Florida. Distance had always been a problem; however, through a lot of extra effort and communication, they pushed through and made it work. “Well, the tour ended, but Hayden and I lived in different states. So, I was back and forth between Atlanta and Florida for a while. I only had a short window before I was scheduled to be back in L.A. to record additional tracks for Millennium, so I tried to spend as much time with Hayden as possible. Well, it wasn’t long before we were inseparable. We talked on the phone for about a month and we did the long distance thing for another couple of months and then, she flew to Los Angeles with me when I went for work. The rest is history.”

“You must have really felt something immediately to try so hard to make it work with so much standing in your way.” Alexa looked over at Brian. There was an actual peacefulness about him as he thought back to how much love he and Hayden had for each other from the very beginning.

“That’s pretty much an understatement,” Brian replied smiling lightly. “I never believed in love at first sight until Hayden. It’s something that comes around once in your lifetime. I guess that people just aren’t supposed to be content and happy with their lives. The moment that I finally got everything that I’d ever wanted, it was gone.” Brian sighed and shook his head.

Alexa could see him getting tense again, except this time, he seemed more angry than sad. “You’re a man of God aren’t you, Brian? Or at least you used to be?”

“I want to believe in God. I want to believe that Hayden and my little girl are together in a world that’s better than this. It’s hard to believe that God would take it all away, that he’d want so many of his children to be so miserable.” Brian shrugged. “I don’t know what I believe.”

“Brian, this is going to sound really cheesy, but just please hear me out. Hayden’s book was written. It was over. God gave her to you to make her the happiest that she could possibly be before the final chapter. You made her life better.” Alexa sighed. “She was completely happy in the last moments of her life and that was because of you.”

Brian turned Alexa’s statement around in his head. “You’re right.” He said finally. “That was pretty cheesy.”

Alexa simply smiled and shook her head. At least talking about it hadn’t thrown him into a tailspin of depression, she thought. That would make for a fun ride.

The fact of the matter was that Brian had argued the same point to himself at times. Eventually, he always thought back to the famous quote, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” He didn’t know if that was true. Does the loss outweigh the good, or make the good times not as good? No. But when suffering from a broken heart, even the good times bring pain, because those moments are gone. All that’s left after loss is emptiness. Would not ever having met Brian mean that Hayden would still be alive today? Would that mean that she wouldn’t have ever gotten onto that plane or any other that crashed on September, 11? That was something that Brian agonized over daily. The truth was, he would probably agonize over it for the rest of his life. Those questions were what kept Brian in so much pain every day of his life. There were just too many questions that would remain unanswered.

Chapter 11

At some point during the less-than-scenic drive, Alexa closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. She didn’t wake up until the car jolted to a sudden stop a couple of hours later. She stretched and opened her eyes slowly. In front of her was a beautiful two-story, county-style home. She looked over at Brian who was still sitting in the driver’s seat. He was smiling softly back at her.

“Hey, Sleepyhead,” Brian remarked with a grin. “Thanks for passing out on me. So much for providing me company, huh?”

“I’m sorry,” Alexa replied with a smile and a yawn. “But it was your idea to leave so early in the morning.”

Brian chucked, softly. It was actually nice to have someone asleep next to him, even if it was only in a car. “Yeah, yeah. Are you ready to meet my Mama?”

Alexa checked her appearance in the passenger side vanity mirror. “As ready and I’m going to be, I guess.”

Brian reached around and pulled Tyke out of the backseat before both he and Alexa climbed out of the car and walked up the long, winding driveway toward the front porch.

“Did you do all of this for your mom and dad?” Alexa asked, smiling.

“What do you mean?” Brian looked at her out of the corner of his eye and smirked.

“You know what I mean, buy them this big house in the middle of nowhere?”

Brian shrugged and took in the scene around him. His mother had always wanted a house deep in the county. When he first began to obtain success, Brian bought his parents their dream home and plenty of land to build it on. “As far as my parents were concerned, the fans were starting to get a little bit crazy and my mom always wanted a big yard where she could let her grandkids play, so that’s what I gave her.”

Alexa smiled and bumped Brian playfully with her shoulder. “No. I think that you’re just such a Mama’s boy that you wanted her all to yourself, so you secluded her from all of her neighbors.”

Brian laughed and held his hands up in mock defense. “You got me.”

As they approached the porch, Brian placed a hand on the small of Alexa's back and ushered her up the stairs. He opened the door, set Tyke down and called out into the house. “Mom?” If it weren’t for the delicious smells coming from the kitchen, he would swear that the house was empty.

As Brian led Alexa through the large, beautiful house, she took in her surroundings. It looked like a page out of a Southern Living magazine. As they walked through the front door, there was a staircase leading to the top floor. To the right of the staircase was the living room which was furnished with soft, flowered couches, two leather recliners and a lit fireplace, which was surrounded by a classic brick setting. Leading out of the living room, was a long hallway that led to the dining room and to the kitchen. Hardwood floors spanned the lengths of the hallways and every room. Alexa inhaled deeply, loving the warm feeling of the Littrell home.

“Mom?” Brian called again as the pair entered the kitchen.

Standing at the stove near the back of the kitchen was Brian's petite mother, Jackie Littrell. She had to be close to her 60s, but she was certainly aging well. Her dark hair was cut into a stylish bob and her fingernails were painted a dark red. A white apron was tied around her trim waist. As soon as she noticed Brian and Alexa enter the room, she stepped away from the stove and rushed over to them.

“Brian!” She exclaimed as she pulled him in tightly for a hug. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“It’s okay. We just got here a minute ago.” He kissed his mother softly on the cheek and turned to the woman at his side. “Mom, this is Alexa.”

“Hello, Beautiful,” Jackie said as she turned to Alexa for the first time. Alexa extended her hand for Jackie to shake, but Jackie ignored it and pulled her into a tight embrace.

“It’s really nice to meet you.” Alexa said as she hugged Jackie back tightly. She’d never known what it felt like to be in a mother’s arms. Even when Jenny’s mom hugged her, it had always been so cold and obligatory.

“Brian has told me so much about you. You have no idea how glad we are that you moved in across the street from him.” Jackie paused and shot a look in Brian’s direction. “Of course he downplayed how gorgeous you are.”

Alexa blushed at Jackie’s compliment and then turned to Brian. “Aw, Brian, you’ve been tellin’ your Mama about me?”

Brian blushed as well and rolled his eyes. “I told you that I had earlier.” Wanting to leave the love fest behind, Brian walked over to the stove to see what his mother had been cooking. “Is this for us?”

“You stay out of that pot. That’s for tomorrow.” Jackie scolded only as a mother could.

Brian stepped away from the stove quickly. “You didn’t even cook us any lunch?”

“Brian!” Alexa stepped in. “You’re going to make her feel bad. Mrs. Littrell, you didn’t have to cook us a thing.”

“Don’t you worry, Sweetheart. I’m not going to get my feelings heart by this big lug.” Jackie smiled. “Brian, why don’t you go and get you and Alexa’s things out of the car while Alexa and I get to know each other.”

“There’s plenty of time to get to know each other later. Alexa and I are actually going to be staying at a hotel in town.” Brian replied sheepishly. He opened the refrigerator quickly pretending to scan the contents inside.

Alexa couldn’t help but to notice how dirty that had sounded. They weren’t staying in a hotel together. They were going to be completely separated by a bedside table.

“Brian, that’s silly. We have plenty of room here. There’s no need to spend your money at some hotel.”

Brian turned away from the refrigerator and smiled at his mom. “I’m good for it. I promise.” He then looked over at Alexa and smirked. “Besides, it’s all Alexa’s doing. She didn’t want to feel like she was imposing.”

Jackie turned back to Alexa. “That’s nonsense. You’re not imposing.”

Alexa shot Brian an annoyed glance. “Thanks for selling me out there, B.” She then looked back at Jackie. “You’re doing so much over here already. I don’t want to make the holiday any more stressful than it has to be, that’s all.”

Jackie started to protest again, but Brian cut her off. “Mom, it’s fine. The reservations are already set. It’s too late to cancel them now, but we promise, we’ll be here bright and early every day and we won’t leave until you’re sick of us.”

Jackie sighed, finally consenting. “Fine. Stay at a hotel if you must, but I’m just letting you know now that you didn’t have to do that. Having you stay here would not be stressful at all.”

“Next time.” Brian promised.

The rest of the afternoon was spent sitting around the kitchen table getting to know each other. After only a short while, Jackie and Alexa were talking like old friends. Brian sat back and watched. He knew that his mom would love Alexa. He was just really hoping that she didn’t love her too much. He had assumed that his mom was going to take him bringing Alexa home for Thanksgiving for more than it was worth, but no matter what disclaimers he would have put on the table, it wouldn’t have mattered. Jackie had been attempting to play matchmaker for years now.

Who was he kidding, anyway? He had brought Alexa with him because he felt good when he was around her. He was very obviously attracted to her in the most physical way. Every moment of the day he was fighting to keep that attraction from becoming emotional. Alexa deserved better than anything that Brian could give her right now. Though he would try to give her everything that he had, his heart would still be in another place, in another time.

Brian’s father arrived home from work shortly after 5:30. For dinner, Brian and his dad barbecued steaks, while Alexa and Jackie made baked potatoes and corn on the cob. When the meal was ready, Brian, Alexa, Jackie and Harold ate dinner outside on the patio. They shared a bottle of wine and embarrassing stories from Brian’s childhood.

“… So every night at bath time, I’d have two boys to watch out for. Brian’s brother, Harry, is only a couple of years older. As I would get Brian out of the bathtub and Harry into it, Brian would take off running stark naked down the street. He would chase dogs and cars and I was chasing him. Many nights the neighbors had to bring him home with a towel wrapped around his little hinny. He was always the adventurous one of us all.” Jackie finished her story with a loving glance at Brian and a sip of her wine as Alexa giggled from across the table.

Brian shook his head. Alexa was going to have so much ammunition when they got back home that it wasn’t going to be funny. “Okay, that’s enough of that.” Brian stood with a smile and picked up both his and Alexa’s dinner plates. “We need to get out of here. We need to check into the hotel before they give our room away.”

“Brian,” Harold replied, “You really don’t have to stay in some hotel.”

“Dad, we already had this fight with mom. It’s totally okay.” Brian walked inside and placed the dishes in the sink. Alexa followed with Harold and Jackie’s plates as well.

“Brian,” Alexa began as soon as they were alone in the kitchen. “Maybe we should stay. I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”

“Oh, no,” Brian replied with a smirk. “You let them get in your head.”

“No. They’ve just been so nice.” Alexa shrugged as she rinsed the plates and put them in the dishwasher.

“Alexa, you’re not going to be completely comfortable staying here. It’s okay. I promise you. They’ll be fine.”

Alexa sighed, but didn’t fight with him any further. “Fine.”

“Fine.” Brian repeated. The truth was, they could have stayed at his parent’s house, but he didn’t want to share her anymore. He’d had his friend to himself for so long that he didn’t know what it was like to share her attention with anyone else.

Jackie and Harold walked into the kitchen a couple of minutes later, loosely holding hands. Alexa smiled at the display of affection. It was refreshing to see that a couple could be together for so long and still be so in love. “Alexa, put those dishes down. I’ll take care of it.”

“It’s okay,” Alexa replied, smiling back at Brian’s mother. “I’m almost finished. Is there anything else you’d like some help with?”

“No, no. Of course not. You two go ahead and have some fun.” Jackie walked over and hugged and kissed both of them goodnight. “It was an absolute pleasure meeting you Alexa.”

“You too, both of you.” Alexa replied.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” Brian said as he grabbed Alexa’s purse off of the counter and handed it to her. He then turned to his parents. “We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning.”

Jackie and Harold walked Brian and Alexa to the door and flicked on the porch light. Brian picked up his little dog, who was waiting by the door. They all said their final goodbyes and then Brian and Alexa began their trek to Brian’s car.

“You’re a jerk, you know that?” Alexa shot a look at Brian and crossed her arms.

Brian laughed. “What did I do?”

“Your mom's feelings were really hurt that we weren't staying and you couldn't wait to get out of there.”

Brian's mouth fell opened slightly. “Alexa, we stayed all day. What do you mean I couldn't wait to get out of there?”

Alexa shrugged and looked down to the ground. “I don't know. They just seemed like they really wanted us to stay.”

“Listen, you have to look at this from my point of view. I love my parents to death, but they can be a little overbearing. Besides,” Brian began as he slung an arm heavily over Alexa's shoulder. “I know you well enough to know that you really just want me all to yourself. I mean, you never take me anywhere. It's a little sad, really.”

Alexa laughed and pushed him away. “Get out of here. If it weren't for me, you'd never leave your house. You've got a proven track record that says so.”

Brian smirked and raised a shoulder. “Let’s not get caught up on details.”

Alexa smiled and shook her head as Brian opened her car door. She climbed into the car and buckled her seatbelt. Brian put Tyke in the backseat, climbed into the driver's side, and pulled out of the driveway slowly. Alexa turned her head toward him and smiled. “I really like your mom and dad.”

Brian stopped at a red light and smiled back over at Alexa. “The feeling is mutual.”

Alexa nodded. “Good.”

As the light turned green and Brian eased the car onto highway, Alexa turned her head to look out the window. It was strange to think, but Alexa really felt at home with Brian's family; they were warm and kind. She was sure that Brian didn't understand how much he had, simply by having the family that he did. She couldn't wait until the next day to meet Brian's brother, Harry, and his wife.

Only a few minutes after leaving Brian's parents house, Brian and Alexa pulled up to the valet box at the Hilton Suites hotel. He handed the valet his car keys as the bellman grabbed their bags from the trunk and Alexa took Tyke out of the backseat. Brian was quickly checked in. The pair then rode the elevator up to the top floor.

Brian turned to Alexa and took a wiggling Tyke from her arms. “I only got one room. Is that okay? I mean, we'll have two beds and everything.”

Alexa laughed softly. “That's fine.”

Brian nodded, feeling flushed. He looked up at the screen that was ticking the floor numbers off as they passed: 12, 13, 14. When the elevator finally reached the top floor, Brian held the door for Alexa to step off first; he then led them to room 2002.

Alexa stepped through the door first and surveyed the gorgeous hotel room. There was a small living room at the entrance that was furnished with leather couches, a work desk and a television. To the right of the living area was a fully-equipped bathroom. Separated by folding louver doors was the bedroom which was furnished with two queen-size beds, a bedside table and another television. The walls were painted a tan color which complemented the dark wood furniture and maroon carpet beautifully. Alexa walked through the living room and over to the second of the two beds and set her purse down. “Do you have a bed preference?”

Brian shook his head and sat down on the first bed. “This is fine.”

“Okay,” Alexa said as she nodded. There was suddenly an air of awkwardness in the room. “Well, um, I'm going to grab a shower really quick, I guess.”

Brian nodded and watched Alexa as she grabbed a pair of sleeping shorts and a tank-top out of her suitcase, picked up her toiletries bag and walked into the bathroom.

Alexa locked the door behind her, turned on the water and then sat on the edge of the tub and sighed heavily. Her feelings for Brian were becoming unbearable. She wanted to know what it was like to be in his arms. She wanted to feel his lips on hers. It was a completely selfish thought, but she wanted to be the one that he longed for at night.

When the water finally heated, Alexa stepped into the shower. She bathed herself quickly, brushed her teeth and then got dressed. As she stepped out of the bathroom, she towel dried her hair.

“It's all yours.” Alexa said as she walked into the bedroom. She dropped the towel from her hand and looked over at Brian. She couldn't help but to smile. He was leaning against the headboard with his hands propped up behind his head--he was asleep.

Alexa pulled her wet hair into a bun and walked over to where Brian was sleeping. She gently pulled his sneakers off of his feet and dragged the folded comforter up to his waist. She looked up to Brian’s face and sighed softly. Just as she was about to turn away, Brian stirred, and then awoke.

As he opened his eyes, Brian was surprised to see Alexa so close. Her beautifully soft-looking lips were mere inches away. Suddenly, the overwhelming urge to feel her mouth against his was propelling him forward slowly.

As she watched him lean toward to her, Alexa’s nerves were pinging inside of her. “I’m sorry. I was just-”

Brian shook his head slowly. A million thoughts were running through his mind. Part of him was screaming violently, No, no, stop, while another was gently prompting do it, do it, kiss her. He licked his lips and Alexa, too, began to lean slowly forward.

They came so close that Brian could feel Alexa’s warm staggered breath on his mouth. Just as their lips were about to touch, Brian turned his head and cleared his throat. “Thanks, for uh, looking out for me.” Suddenly, the negative side of his will had won again.

Alexa jumped back flushed and nodded her head. “No problem.”

She turned the lights off and quickly climbed into bed and under the blankets. She was sure that she wasn’t the one that had initiated the show of affection. Seemingly silent tears began to fall down Alexa’s face as she desperately wondered what had changed in mere seconds to make Brian go from hot to cold.

In the bed only a few feet away, Brian sighed softly as he listened to Alexa cry. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. A different kind of pain suddenly overwhelmed him. It wasn’t the pain of loss; It was the pain of longing. He shook his head slowly and shut his eyes tightly, attempting frantically to shake the urge to go to her and wipe her tears away. His heart tore into pieces as he came to a heartbreaking revelation. Without realizing that it was happening, he had begun to fall in love.

The next morning, Brian awoke early. Truth be told, he had tossed and turned the entire night before. He had sat up listening to Alexa's muffled cries until she fell asleep. Brian was glad that she hadn't let herself cry over his reluctance to kiss her for too long. After a few minutes, she seemed to dry her tears and fall peacefully asleep. It's not that he hadn't wanted to kiss her. He had. In fact, he had wanted to kiss her so badly that it was as if he could still feel her lips only inches from his own.

When Brian could no longer force himself into a labored rest, he rolled over facing where Alexa was sleeping on the bed across from his own. He watched silently as her shoulder's rose and fell in rhythm with her breathing. The morning sun was peeking through the window causing her dark hair to glow angelically.

Tyke didn't allow Brian to observe Alexa from the comfort of his bed for long before the dog jumped up demanding to be taken outside. Brian sighed and petted Tyke aimlessly. “Happy Thanksgiving, Buddy.” Brian said to the chihuahua that was wiggling impatiently in his lap. “All right. Let's go outside.”

As he hooked Tyke's leash to his collar, Brian glanced back over at Alexa. He sighed again as he put his sneakers on and left the bedroom. Before leaving to take Tyke to the courtyard downstairs, Brian picked up the phone on the computer desk in the living area and ordered breakfast to be brought up by room service.

Brian hung up the phone and left the room quietly. He carried the dog against his chest until he was out of the hotel and then placed him down on the bouncy, green grass. Brian walked along with one hand in his pocket. He continuously looked up to the mirrored top floor windows of the hotel behind him. He wished that he could have been strong enough to let go of the guilt, strong enough to let go of the past, strong enough to take Alexa into his arms and hold her throughout the night.

Even though Brian had resigned himself to the fact that he was falling in love with Alexa, that didn't mean that he could fall blindly into her arms and not feel like he was betraying his wife. Hayden was gone and he knew that, but he could never let her go. He had always felt somehow responsible for Hayden being on that plane, even though he knew that if he was honest with himself he would realize that he didn't have anything to do with it. It was an unfortunate set of circumstances. She was on the wrong plane at the wrong time.

Even not wanting to be a Backstreet Boy anymore had little to do with the guilt that he felt about his wife's death. It had more to do with not wanting to sing songs that threw him into his semi-pleasant past. He also didn't want to join the group again, not because of the terrible things that had happened, but because he didn't want to enjoy something that had inadvertently caused Hayden's fate. It wasn't the Backstreet Boys, exactly, it was a series of things: Brian's schedule, Hayden being pregnant, Hayden just feeling out of place among the crowds and the fans and the hysteria. She never really belonged in that scene. If she would have asked, Brian would have given it all up in a second and when she died, that's what he did. He walked away. He gave it all up for his wife. Better late than never.

If he really believed all of those things, he didn't understand why he couldn't just move on. Hayden would want him to be happy, wouldn't she? Would he want her to move on if something had happened to him? Probably not, but he tended to be more selfish than Hayden ever was.

He had admitted that he didn't want to let go because he didn't want to forget, but Brian knew that he could never forget the love of his life. Maybe he wouldn't allow himself to move on because he didn't believe that anyone could have more than one soul mate? Maybe he'd already had his happy ending? If even that was the truth, then Brian should allow himself to be happy in other ways by enjoying his career, by enjoying his family and friends, by enjoying the simple joys that were present in life.

Brian sighed and peered back up to the those mirrored windows. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was wrong and that there really was something more for him out there after all. There was hope, and that hope had started with one dark-haired, blue-eyed, beauty.

-------

Soon after Brian left, an incessant pounding at the door stirred Alexa. She rolled over and wiped the sleep from her eyes and attempted to gain her bearings. When she looked over and noticed that Brian's bed was empty, she threw the covers off of herself and hurried to answer the door. Though she wasn't exactly excited about coming face-to-face with Brian, she assumed that she should at least let him in his own hotel room.

The knocking continued to grow increasingly louder. “I'm coming!” Alexa called as she slipped into one of the plush white robes that the hotel had provided. She slung the door opened quickly and began to chastise Brian for forgetting his key, but stopped when she realized that it wasn't Brian at all. It was breakfast. “Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize-”

The waitress shook his head with a smile. “I understand, Sweetie. I actually saw your boyfriend leave a few minutes ago. He's a cutie.”

“Oh. No,” Alexa shook her head. “He's not my-”

The waiter winked knowingly and waved her off. “They never are darlin'. I'll just put this on his tab.”

Alexa nodded as the waitress walked out of the room. She didn't know whether to be offended or amused. She sighed and shook it off as she took the metal covers off of the top of the plates. Brian had ordered a bit of everything: pancakes, waffles, bacon, fruit, milk and juices. Alexa pulled a chair up to the table that the waitress had rolled in and made herself a plate of food. She ate quickly, not wanting to be caught pigging out when Brian walked in. It was Thanksgiving and they had eaten together tons of times before, but after his complete rejection last night, she didn't want him to be surprised by seeing her sitting at the door when he walked in.

When she finished eating, she covered her plate with the provided cloth napkin and walked into the bedroom to change. She had brought a stylish, bone colored dress with tan polka dots and a light pink silk sash to wear for the special occasion. She had planned to curl her hair and leave it down. Since she hadn't blown her hair dry the night before, there was already some curl to it.

As she fixed her hair and applied her makeup, she consistently checked the clock. Brian had been gone for at least an hour. She couldn't say that it didn't hurt slightly that Brian was trying that hard to avoid her; although, she also couldn't say that she was surprised. At that moment, she decided to let go of it. It was only an almost-kiss. Brian had been lonely for many years. It wasn't surprising that he had almost given in to his urges with the first female that he had let into his life after over five years. She slipped on her high heels and sat down on the couch.

She was watching an old Will and Grace rerun when Brian and Tyke finally walked back in. Though the weather was fairly cool, Brian face glistened. Alexa swallowed the lump that was rising in her throat and attempted to smile.

“I'm sorry.” Brian began. He smiled weakly and then looked away quickly. She looked breathtakingly beautiful. It was hard for him not to stare. “I didn't mean to be gone for so long. Tyke needed to go out.”

Alexa nodded coldly. She didn't mean to be that way, but seeing him walk in, unable to look at her while he was looking amazing in a simple t-shirt and jeans rubbed her the wrong way. “It's okay.”

“Did you like your breakfast?” Brian nodded at the mostly full table of food.

“Yeah, thank you. It was great.” Alexa sighed and looked back over to the television with her arms crossed. “You'd better hurry up and eat. Your family is waiting for us at your house.”

“It's okay. I'm not very hungry.” He looked over at Alexa, desperately willing her to look back at him. “I'm just going to take a quick shower, then we can go.”

Alexa nodded, but continued to stare blankly at the television. It's not so much that she was hurt anymore. She kept her eyes averted because she didn't want to want him. Not to mention the fact that the room was almost unbearably awkward.

Brian stood planted in his spot in the living room. He couldn't help but to stare at Alexa. There was so much that he wanted to say. Eventually, he tore his eyes away and started to walk toward the bathroom.

As Brian's hand reached the doorknob, Alexa called his name. “Brian?”

He inhaled deeply and turned around. “What's up?”

“I'm sorry about... well, you know. Last night.” She knew that they needed to get that out into the opened, but she still couldn't force herself to look at him.

“No, I should be the one that's sorry.” He turned around and started to walk toward her, but she put up a hard to stop him.

“No, really.” Alexa smiled. Though she tried, the smile never really reached her eyes. “We don't ever have to talk about it again. It was a moment of weakness. Bad judgment on both of our parts. It's okay.”

Brian sighed. He knew that she didn't mean that, but it was probably for the better. “Yeah,” he whispered softly. “You're probably right.”

He turned back around and headed back to the waiting shower. It was a disaster averted. Things were better this way. Now maybe they could go back to the way that they were, they way that they were good together-- as friends.

------

By the time that they arrived to the Littrell home about an hour later, the driveway was lined with cars. The drive over had been tense, but slowly both Brian and Alexa were beginning to relax.

“What's going on here?” Alexa asked, turning to Brian. “I thought that it was only going to be your family.”

Brian glanced over at her and smiled. “That's what you get for thinking. This is my family.”

Oh no, Alexa thought. Oh no, this is bad.

Brian watched as the color drained from Alexa's face. Without thinking, he reached over and placed a hand on her thigh. “Hey, it's okay. My family's great. My parents loved you, everyone else will, too.”

Alexa looked down at Brian's hand on her thigh. Goosebumps ran down her arms. If only that was what I was worried about. “So, um, everyone in your family is going to be here?”

Brian laughed and nodded his head. “I get it. This is about Kevin.”

Alexa started to shake her head, but Brian continued. “Kevin spends Thanksgiving with his wife's family. There's no need to clam up over the sexy Backstreet Boy.”

Alexa laughed, relieved and rolled her eyes. “It wasn't Kevin. You just have a huge family. It's a little daunting. Besides, it looks like we're late.” Alexa cleared her throat painfully aware of Brian's hand still resting lightly on her thigh. He glanced at his hand and then back into his eyes.

Brian removed his hand quickly and blushed. He grinned at Alexa. “Well, then, I guess that we'd better get ourselves inside. Hang out for a second, I'll grab your door.”

Alexa watched as Brian made his way around the front of the car and opened the door for her. Together they walked up the porch stairs and into the bustling house. Brian said hello and introduced Alexa to various aunts, uncles and cousins as the pair made their way to the kitchen. Just as she had been the day before, Jackie was standing at the stove, except this time, she was checking on the golden turkey that was roasting in the oven.

As Jackie closed the stove, she turned around and noticed Brian and Alexa entering the kitchen. “You're finally here!” She exclaimed over the rumbling laughter and voices reverberating through the house. She walked over and hugged them both. “We were starting to get worried about you.”

“That's all his fault.” Alexa said, shooting an accusatory finger at Brian. “I've been ready for hours.”

Brian smirked. “Talk about selling somebody out.”

Jackie smiled at their interaction. She loved this new woman that Brian so obviously had affections for. Whether Brian realized it or not, Jackie had a mother's intuition that this was right. “Well, you both look amazing, so I guess the extra time was worth it.”

Alexa looked over at Brian. He was wearing a pair of khaki slacks and a brown v-neck sweater with a white shirt and pink tie underneath. “We match.” She whispered to Brian.

Brian looked over and laughed softly. “Yeah, I guess we do.”

She narrowed her eyes at him playfully. “Did you do that on purpose?”

“How could I possibly have done that one purpose?”

Alexa shrugged. “You got dressed after I did.”

Brian just shook his head, smiling softly.

Jackie looked on, her smile never fading. “Lunch won't be ready for another hour or so. Brian, did you introduce Alexa to everyone?”

Brian scanned the crowd half-heartedly. “Mostly, but I haven't seen Harry and Leslie.”

“They're outside on the patio.” Jackie guided and nodded toward the back door casually. “You two go on out. I promised Aunt Sarah that I'd bring her some iced tea.”

“Do you need some help with anything, Jackie? You look like you have your hands full.” Alexa asked conscientiously.

Jackie shook her head violently and waved her off. “No, no. Have fun. Everything is taken care of in here.”

Brian kissed his mom on the cheek as she walked out of the kitchen with a glass of iced tea for his older aunt and then led Alexa out to the back patio to meet his brother and his brother's wife.

“What's up, big head?” Brian greeted playfully as he and Alexa walked outside.

Harry look up from where he was seated on an old-fashioned wooden garden bench and smiled. “Hey there, Gonzo nose.” He stood up and greeted his brother with a hug. Harry's wife, Leslie, stood and hugged Brian after her husband. “So, who's this? Mom did say that you were bringing a date.”

Alexa cleared her throat and stuck out her hand. “I'm definitely not his date. I'm Alexa.” Another Littrell family member ignored her extended hand and pulled her in for a hug.

“It's really good to meet you Alexa. My mom hasn't been able to shut-up about you all morning. This is my wife, Leslie.” Harry smiled as he let go.

Alexa opened her arms tentatively for another hug. Leslie laughed and shook her hand. “I know what it's like to be the new kid around here. I'm perfectly okay with shaking your hand.”

Alexa laughed softly. “Good, my arms are started to get a little tired.”

Both women laughed and sat down. They talked easily and got to know each other quickly. Brian and Harry, on the other hand, stood teasing each other mercilessly as brothers tend to do. It was good for Harry to see such a lightness about his brother. It definitely made it easier to drop a bombshell on him later.

“So, big brother, what's been up?” Brian smiled and sat down on the seat next to Alexa.

Harry glanced at his wife. “Um, nothing. Not really. What about you? New Backstreet Boys album?”

Brian cleared his throat and looked away. “Nope. Not for me anyway.”

“What? Why not?” Harry looked over at Brian with a shocked expression on his face.

Brian was beginning to tense up. He didn't want to talk about the Backstreet Boys. He didn't want to talk about any kind of life he had in the past. He shrugged. “I'm just not into it anymore, I guess.”

Harry sighed. He knew when to give his brother some space. “I think that's crap, but okay.” Harry shook his head and began to fume. No, he decided, Brian's not getting off that easily this time. “You know what, Dude? I would kill to have what you have and it was all practically just handed to you. Kevin put this opportunity in your lap and now you're just going to throw it all away. It makes me sick.”

Brian's face flushed angrily. “Listen to me, jackass,” He stood and pointed his finger in Harry's face. “Nothing was ever just been handed to me. I worked my ass off for everything that I have. Now, maybe if you'd done the same with all of the opportunities that I handed to YOU, you wouldn't have anything to cry about.”

Harry stood undeterred by Brian's reaction. “I'm anything but jealous of you, Brian, and you can believe that, but if you appreciated one iota of what you had, maybe you wouldn't still be crying like a little bitch over what you don't.”

“Harry!” Leslie interjected. “That's enough. Sit down.”

Alexa, following Leslie's cue, tugged on Brian's hand. “Come on, Brian. Just stop.”

Brian and Harry stayed standing, staring each other down. Thankfully, right then, Jackie peeked her head outside to call them in for dinner. “Is everything okay out here?”

Harry tore his eyes away from Brian first. “Yeah, Mom. It's great.”

“Good, then come on inside. It's time to carve the turkey and say grace.”Jackie replied and waved them all inside.

Harry helped his wife up out of her chair and they walked into the house ahead of Brian and Alexa. Alexa hung back and grabbed Brian's arm gently. “Hey.”

Brian turned around and raised his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” Alexa asked worriedly. Granted, Brian and Harry were brothers and probably had confrontations like that their whole lives, but Alexa had never seen him get in someone's face like that before.

“I'm fine.” Brian attempted to smile and turned to walk into the house.

“Brian-” Alexa called, seeing through him.

“Alexa,” Brian cut her off. “I'm fine. Let's go inside.”

Alexa sighed, wishing that they could get back to the mood that he was in just a few minutes before. By the time that they made it to the dining room, Brian's father was just starting to say grace. Brian pulled out the chairs that Jackie and Harold had saved for he and Alexa at the head of the table. Alexa thanked him and bowed her head to pray with the family.

Throughout the meal, Brian started to lighten up. Though he and Harry had very little interaction, he spoke with his aunts and uncles cheerfully. When he finished his second plate full of food, he sat back in his chair and watched Alexa. She was down at the end of the the table playing with his young cousins. They giggled as she told silly jokes and made funny faces. Brian knew that he had worried her before by his reaction to Harry's accusations. Harry was his brother. He was one of the few people in the world that really knew how to push Brian's buttons. Oh, and he does it so well, Brian thought to himself.

Alexa glanced over and noticed Brian staring in her direction. She smiled softly at him, glad that he was finally loosening back up. She stood from her place at the kid's side of the table and made her way back to her own seat just in time for Harry to make an announcement.

Harry cleared his throat and stood up. “Excuse me, everyone. I just have some news to share with you all while we're all gathered here.” Harry glanced at Brian who narrowed his eyes in confusion. “I hope that ALL of you will be happy to share in our excitement.” He grabbed his wife's hand gently. “Leslie and I would like you to know that we are expecting our first child in early May.”

Jackie jumped up excitedly. “Oh, congratulations!” Both she and Harold kissed Leslie and Harry and enveloped them in a tight hug. Tears of joy were running down Jackie's face. The other family members at the table, shared in her sentiment.

Brian, however, was thrown back in his chair, stunned. “B-but, you said that you didn't even want kids.”

Harry's jaw tensed as he looked over at his brother. “Yeah, Brian, well things change. We're both excited and would really like it if you could put yourself aside for just one second and be excited with us.”

Brian shot a stony glare at his brother and then just shook his head. “Excuse me.” He finally replied and threw his napkin down onto his plate.

Jackie turned to follow Brian out of the dining area, but Alexa stopped her. “It's okay. You stay. This is exciting news for you. I'll go after him.”

Alexa followed Brian out of the dining room, through the kitchen and to the back patio, where he stood in the chilly November air with his hands jammed into his pockets. “Brian-”

“Go back inside, Alexa.” Brian replied without even a glance in her direction.

Alexa stood planted firmly in place. “Brian, Harry didn't mean to hurt you. He's starting a family and he's excited and-”

“He didn't even ever want a family!” Brian exclaimed, finally turning around. “You know, he accuses me of having everything that he wants and throwing it away. Well, what about me? He has everything that I want. All of the things that he never cared about until I lost them!”

“That's a little bit selfish don't you think? People's priorities change.” Alexa inched closer, but Brian stepped back.

“Seriously, Alexa,” Brian replied, glaring at her. “Just go back inside. You're not helping. You can't give me what I want.”

Alexa stepped back as if she'd been slapped. She just shook her head and turned back toward the door. “You know what, Brian? You're never going to have any chance at being happy until you start letting people in. Sit out here and feel sorry for yourself if you want, but your brother deserves the same support that he's given to you over the years.”

Brian sighed and watched as Alexa walked away from him. He knew that he had hurt her but he hadn't meant to. Okay, he could admit it. He was jealous. Brian wanted that baby so badly, but Alexa was right. He was never going to be able to have that until he started to let people in. Now too embarrassed to go back inside and face his family, he sat down on the peaceful patio staring out into the horizon, watching the sun slowly set behind the tall pine trees in the distance.

-----

Hours later, all of Brian's relatives had finally left. The house was quiet again. Alexa stood at the sink washing the dishes as Jackie put away the leftover food. Alexa kept glancing out the window to the back patio area. She could see Brian still sitting outside alone. The sun had set hours before, but he had never come back in.

Jackie glanced over at Alexa and watched her painfully watch Brian. She cut a piece of pumpkin pie and handed it to Alexa.

Alexa looked up confused. “What's this for?”

“Why don't you bring that outside to Brian?” Jackie gestured toward where Brian was sitting on the patio. “He hasn't had desert and he's probably pretty lonely out there.”

Alexa smiled, grateful for Jackie's push. She took the pie and walked out into the backyard. Brian looked up as the door opened. In the light that peeked out when she opened the door, Alexa could see that Brian's eyes were red from crying. “Hey,” she said softly.

“Hey,” Brian replied, quickly wiping his eyes.

“Here,” she handed him the pie. “Your mom sent out some desert.”

Brian nodded. “Thanks.”

Alexa sighed. “Look, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to make things harder for you.”

Brian scooted over, making room for her on the wooden swing that he was rocking back and forth gently with his feet. “No, I should be the one to apologize. About today and about last night. I shouldn't have lashed out on you earlier and as far as last night goes-”

Alexa shook her head and looked away. “I already said it's okay. We weren't going to talk about it again, remember?”

Brian put his hand on Alexa's cheek and turned her head gently so that she was facing him. “I need to say this before I chicken out, okay?”

Alexa nodded. Her breathing had become nervously staggered.

“I haven't been able to stop thinking about your lips all day long. Without meaning to, without realizing what was happening, I started to develop these intense feelings for you.” Brian glanced down and then looked back up quickly. “I've been sitting out here all day. Honestly, it's probably the longest that we've been apart, aside from sleeping, in months. I've had a lot of time to think and I quickly realized that it wasn't Harry and my argument that I was thinking about-- it was you. I haven't been able to get you off of my mind since I met you. I tried to fight it. I tried to push you away, but there's no denying it. You've made me feel alive again.”

Alexa felt the butterflies swarming in her stomach. Brian's hand was still gently on her face. She bit her bottom lip nervously.

Brian smiled softly. Nothing had felt this right in so long. “So, what I'm trying to say, I guess, is that I'd really like to try that again if you'll have me.”

Alexa smiled and nodded. Slowly, they inched toward each other, but then Alexa pulled back quickly. “You're not going to leave me hanging this time, right?”

Brian laughed. “Shut up and come here.” He put his hand on the back of her head intertwining his fingers in her hair and pulled her close. A warm flow of peace and contentment, ecstasy and arousal ran through him. Her lips were soft and warm and perfect. Her tongue was gentle and sweet. He pulled away slowly, out of breath and then leaned in again just as quickly.

Alexa pulled away and leaned her forehead against his, smiling. “Wow.”

Brian nodded. “Wow.” He leaned in and kissed her again softly. He sighed. “Do you want to get out of here?”

Alexa laced her fingers with his and nodded. “I do.”

Brian stood, pulling her up with him. They said goodbye to his parents and left quickly.

Back inside the house, Jackie Littrell smiled to herself. Having seen the entire display, she was elated. When you know, you know. She thought to herself before flicking off the light in the kitchen and heading toward the living room to find her husband.

As Brian and Alexa arrived to their hotel room, Brian fumbled with the room key anxiously. He slipped his key-card into the black card-reader that was mounted to the door. The light flashed red. He swiped the card again. Still Red.

“Ugh,” Brian groaned aloud.

Alexa smiled and slipped in between Brian and the door. She ran her hands gently up the back of his shirt and he melted at her touch. It had been two days since they had taken that ultimate step. Though they had kept the advancement of their relationship to themselves, they took every available opportunity to exchange seductive glances and vague touches when in the presence of others. When alone, they were magnetized; no matter how hard they tried, they were drawn to each other.

Alexa laughed huskily as she kissed behind Brian’s ear gently, which only make him that much more anxious to get inside of the hotel room. With a final swipe of the key-card, the light turned green signaling that they were allowed to enter. Brian pushed the door open and grabbed Alexa by the top of her thighs, picking her up with ease as she wrapped her long legs around his waist and pulled her shirt quickly over her head. He stumbled into the dark room and set Alexa down softly on the leather couch in the living area. Brian grinned and leaned down slowly. He pressed his lips gently against Alexa’s waiting mouth. Their tongues intertwined passionately until Brian broke away. He kissed softly down her jaw line, stopping to pay extra attention to the sensitive skin of her neck.

Alexa ran her soft hands up Brian’s sides, slipping his t-shirt easily over his head as he unhooked her black, lace bra and threw it to the floor. Brian moved his mouth down to her chest, softly kissing the tops of her generous breasts. He moaned as Alexa arched her back in pleasure and reached down to gently caress the prominent bulge in his jeans.

In one fatal swoop, Brian climbed off of the couch taking Alexa with him. Alexa kissed him with all of the passion that she had inside as he gracefully carried her half-naked body to the bedroom. With one hand, Brian opened the folding door that separated the living room from the bedroom and then slammed it shut once they were inside. He laid her down on the bed gently and took every inch of her again and again until they both screamed with pleasure. Lying next to each other on the bed, sweaty, exhausted, and breathing laboriously, they looked at each other and smiled.

Brian gently pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered.

Alexa shrugged and rolled her eyes playfully. “Yeah, I pretty much know that. And you’re amazing.”

Brian chuckled and pulled Alexa on top of him. “Yeah, I pretty much know that.” She leaned down slowly and kissed him softly. And then, they took everything that the other had to offer, again.

------

The next morning, Alexa awoke before Brian for the first time since arriving to Kentucky. It was the last day that they would be in the comfort of their safe haven--in a hotel room where the only memories were of the two of them together. There was no harmful past. There were no terrifying potential future circumstances for the decisions that they had once made, for the decisions that she had once made.

Alexa turned around carefully in the bed so that she was facing Brian. She smiled softly, so content to be lying there next to him. Alexa ran a hand through his blonde hair, loving how it tended to curl as it grew longer around his ears. She leaned toward him and kissed his chin lightly.

Brian smiled with his eyes still closed. It had been two days and everything was still good. The world hadn’t ended and he still felt okay. He peeked at her out of one eye. “Good morning, Beautiful.” He greeted groggily as he wrapped an arm around her still-naked body. He shivered, as her bare skin touched his. Making love to Alexa was amazing. It was more than amazing; it was a pure state of rapture.

“Hey, yourself.” Alexa replied and then kissed him softly. His lips were perfect. From their first kiss, she couldn’t help but to feel like she’d found everything that she was looking for. Still, Alexa knew that they wouldn’t stay this way unless she did something to rectify her involvement with Jive. She had to get out of Ben’s clutches and tell Brian everything.

“What are you thinking about so hard over there?” Brian asked softly while running his hands through her silky hair.

Alexa shook her head and smiled. “My job, honestly. And the fact that I never want to leave this bed.”

Brian grinned and pulled her closer. “Who says we have to go anywhere?”

“Man,” Alexa joked. “Getting laid for the first time in five years really has done something to you.”

“Or maybe I just can’t get enough of you.” Brian chuckled and kissed the side of her neck, knowing that it made her melt every time.

“No, no.” Alexa laughed and scooted away from him. “We have to pack. We’re leaving today, remember?”

“So?” Brian contested. “We don’t have to be out of here for hours.”

“That would be true,” she replied. “Except we have to meet your parents and your brother for brunch.”

Brian groaned and rolled over onto his stomach. “Being with my parents has been great actually, especially since you’re here, because that has taken the focus off of me for a while, but I just don’t want to deal with Harry. We haven’t spoken since Thanksgiving.”

“Brian.” Alexa gave him a look that said, come on. “You two have to talk. You’ve got some apologizing to do whether you believe that or not. I’m not saying that everything that he said was completely right either, but he’s your brother.”

“I know,” Brian groaned. “But that’s the thing. He’s my brother. We’ll walk away from it all and then forget about it and call each other in a couple weeks and it’ll be fine.”

Alexa shook her head and rolled her eyes. “You’re such a baby. He’s starting a family. How do you know that he won’t be completely offended and put off by the simple fact that you couldn’t say that you’re happy for him?”

“I am,” Brian argued. “He knows that.”

Alexa shrugged. “We’re going and you’re going to talk to your brother. I don’t even see why you’re arguing.”

Brian looked over at her and smirked. “You’re so pushy.”

“You knew that before you got involved with me, Buddy.” She patted his butt lightly and jumped off of the bed.

“Where are you going?” Brian asked, following her perfectly curved body around the bed with his eyes.

“I’m going to take a shower so that I don’t show up to your parent’s house smelling like sex. Is that okay with you?” Alexa shot him a playful look. “Why don’t you join me? You know, cut down on water. Go green. Save the planet.”

Brian laughed. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?”

Alexa shrugged and walked through the sliding doors toward the bathroom. “I guess that’s for you to decide.”

Brian watched as she walked into the bathroom and closed the door. It took seconds for him to jump out of the bed and rush in behind her. When he walked in, she was propped up on the counter with her legs crossed, waiting for him. Brian shook his head. “You just knew that I would be following you in here.”

Alexa shrugged a shoulder and smirked. “You are pretty predictable.”

“I’ll show you how predictable that I am.” Brian replied as he threw Alexa over his shoulder and stepped into the warm flowing water of the shower.

-----

A couple of hours later, Brian and Alexa had checked out of the hotel and driven the short distance to Brian’s parent’s house. Brian ran around the car and opened Alexa’s door. As they walked down the driveway, he looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

“What?” She asked, self-consciously.

Brian shook his head quickly. “Nothing. It’s just that… forget it. It’s stupid.”

“No,” Alexa argued as she laced her fingers through his. “Tell me. What is it?”

Brian sighed. “This is going to sound stupid, but I feel so much lighter. You’ve been right in front of my face this whole time. I just wouldn’t let myself give in.”

Alexa smiled and bit her bottom lip apprehensively. “That’s great to hear, but Brian, we kind of jumped into all of this.”

Brian looked down and nodded. “I know, but-”

Right then, Jackie burst out of the front door, causing Brian to stop mid-sentence. Alexa and Brian broke apart quickly, stunned by her abrupt appearance. “Can’t you two ever be on time for anything?” Jackie asked with her hands resting on her hips.

Alexa laughed and walked up the porch stairs ahead of Brian and hugged Jackie. “We’re sorry that we’re late. We got caught up at the hotel.”

Jackie rolled her eyes. “I’ll bet you were.”

Brian blushed and narrowed his eye at his mother. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Jackie waved him off. “Go on. You two can have your little secret romance, but you’re not fooling anyone.”

Alexa pursed her lips and glanced over at Brian, and then back at Jackie. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She turned on her heels and walked quickly into the house.

Brian tried to follow behind, but Jackie stepped in front of him. “What now?” He asked his mom with a smirk.

“This is good, Brian.” Jackie replied with a stern look on her face.

Brian nodded slowly. “I know it is.”

Jackie poked him in the chest with her forefinger. “Don’t mess it up.”

Brian laughed. “I’ll try my hardest not to.” He shook his head and walked around his mother into the house. As he walked in, he observed Alexa chatting excitedly with Leslie about her pregnancy. Alexa looked over at him out of the corner of her eye and smiled. Brian grinned back at her as she gestured with her head toward Harry who was sitting across the table from her.

Brian walked over to where Alexa was sitting and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Hey Harry.”

Harry looked up and nodded his head in response, obviously still angry. “Hi.”

Brian sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets wishing desperately that he didn’t have to go through with trying to apologize to his pig-headed brother. He felt Alexa reach behind him and rub the back of his leg reassuringly. “Will you come upstairs with me? We need to talk about the other day.”

Harry shrugged and clenched his jaw defiantly. “Why can’t we talk right here?”

Brian rolled his eyes and shook his head angrily. “You know what? Forget it. I was trying to be the bigger person, but apparently the new ‘daddy’ just wants to be a big baby.”

“Brian, you aren’t helping.” Alexa sing-songed through her teeth.

Harry stood up and slammed his hands on the table. “You were trying be the bigger person? Is that right? Maybe you should have tried that on Thursday when I announced the biggest news of my life and you threw a fit!”

Leslie looked back and forth between the brothers. “Harry, just go with Brian. This isn’t the place to have this fight.”

“Baby, he wasn’t just disrespectful to me, he was disrespectful to you, too!” Harry shot a stony look in Brian’s direction.

Brian rolled his eyes. “You know what, Alexa? Let’s just go.”

Brian’s father, who had been sitting at the head of the table watching the entire scene, stood up as well. “No. No one’s going anywhere, except you two.” Harold, Sr. paused and pointed at his fighting sons. “Brian and Harry, you’re BOTH going to go upstairs and work out your differences like adults.”

Brian and Harry stood firmly in place, Harry with his arms crossed and Brian with his hands shoved deep into his pockets, staring at their father.

“Now.” Harold reiterated.

The brothers glanced at each other and slinked out of the dining room. At Harold’s scolding, they were thrown back into a teenage version of themselves. Different house, similar story.

Upstairs, Brian walked into the den behind his brother and shut the door. Harold walked across the room and sat down on one of the leather recliners that adorned the room while Brian remained standing. The younger of the two men leaned against a large bookcase and crossed his legs at the ankle.

“So?” Harry began. “You said that you wanted to talk.”

“Yeah, well that was until you decided to go all crazy on me.” Brian replied.

Harry scoffed and rolled his eyes. “This is such a waste of time.”

Brian sighed and thought back to his and Alexa’s conversation that morning. Apparently, Alexa had been right. Harry did resent him. “Look, I am happy for you, okay? I’m really happy for you. I’m glad that you’re starting a family. It’s just that… I don’t know.” Brian trailed off and shook his head sadly.

“It’s just that what?” Harry prodded, wanting Brian to expand. Brian had been really messed up since his wife had died, but he’d also been closed off. He never talked about Hayden or the baby to anyone. Then, apparently, Alexa arrived and something changed. Harry hoped that Brian would open up to him now.

Brian looked at Harry, debating whether he should continue or just apologize and leave it at that. He sighed again. “You know that I was so excited about being a father. I loved my wife. I loved my life in general and it was all taken away.” Brian paused. “You know that. Everyone knows that. I feel like a broken record sometimes, but it kind of took my breath away when you announced to everyone that you were having a baby. I’m glad that you’re starting a family, but it kind of took the wind out of me. It’s selfish of me, but I just wish that I would have known that it was coming.”

Harry rested his elbows on his knees and glanced at Brian. “On Thursday, you made a point to say that I never even wanted a family or a baby-”

“I know,” Brian said cutting him off, “and I know that those things can change when you find someone that you care about-”

Harry shook his head and, this time, interrupted his brother. “You didn’t let me finish.”

Brian nodded and waited for Harry to go on.

“You’re right, Brian. I wanted to be the ultimate bachelor and then I met Leslie. When Leslie and I got married, neither of us wanted anything more than just each other and then came 9/11 and Hayden died. That was over five years ago.” Harry looked at Brian and bit his bottom lip. “You don’t know this, but your pain taught me so much about love and about life. Don’t get me wrong, I always loved Leslie just as much as you love Hayden, but seeing you lose her made me think about what it would have been like if the tables were turned and it made me want more. Maybe you’re right, maybe I should have told you first just so that you knew that it was coming, but somehow, I knew that you were going to react the way that you did and I just didn’t want to bring that back for you. I was hoping that if we were in a room full of people that you’d restrain yourself, but apparently I was wrong.”

“Harry,” Brian replied, understanding where he was coming from, but still not satisfied with his reasoning. “You weren’t exactly pleasant to me either, you know?”

“I know that and I’m sorry, but Brian, you had just accused me of not wanting my baby!” Harry exclaimed wide-eyed.

“I didn’t accuse you of not wanting THAT baby. I accused you of not wanting children.” Brian retorted defensively.

“Because that’s better.” Harry replied as Brian rolled his eyes. “Look, the fact of the matter is that we had been fighting earlier in the day and I want to say that I’m sorry for getting in your business about the Backstreet Boys. I just hate that you want to throw it all away.”

“It’s not being thrown away. It’s being put on the shelf.” Brian shook his head. “Look, can we just forget all of this and go downstairs and eat? I’m starving and this is getting old.”

Harry laughed and stood up. He walked across the room and hugged his brother. “Agreed.”

Brian turned to leave the den, but stopped with his hand on the doorknob and looked back at Harry. “You know that I’m happy for you right?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah, I know that and thank you.”

Brian nodded as well and started out of the room glad that they had talked; this probably wasn’t one of those fights that would have just gone away.

As they were clomping down the stairs, Harry grabbed onto Brian’s arm. “So, Brian, we’re good now, right?”

Brian nodded and looked at Harry skeptically. “Yeah.”

“So, then, why don’t you let me in on what’s going on with you and Alexa? You know, brother to brother. She IS pretty hot.” Harry inquired as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Brian laughed and shook his head slowly. “Then you date her.” He continued down the stairs without giving Harry any further information. He wanted to keep Alexa to himself for as long as he could, knowing that when they got back to Georgia he was going to have to share her with the world again.

-------

By mid-afternoon, Brian and Alexa knew that they had to get on the road if they were going to be back home by any semblance of a decent hour. They hugged everyone goodbye and were met by tears from both Jackie and Leslie. The ladder understandably, only because she was a raging ball of hormones.

“Aw, Jackie, don't cry!” Alexa exclaimed when she saw the tears on Brian's mom's face. “I'll make sure that Brian comes back soon!”

Jackie laughed through her tears. “Not just Brian, but you too!” Jackie wrapped her arms around Alexa again and whispered softly in her ear. “Thank you for bringing my baby back.”

Alexa chuckled uncomfortably. “I don't know that I can take credit for that.”

“Okay, okay. Come on.” Brian laughed softly as he pulled Alexa away from his mother. “Mom, you'll see me in a few weeks. I'll be back for Christmas. We'll see if I can convince Alexa to come with me. Maybe we can both get a quick jump on her.”

Alexa grinned and rolled her eyes. “You'll have to beat my sister off first.”

“I'll work on it.” Brian replied laughingly. With a final hug from everyone in his family, he and Alexa climbed into the car and started their long drive back to Atlanta. Brian glanced over at Alexa and grinned. He looked down at her hand that was lying on the armrest and laced his fingers with hers.

Alexa smiled over at him and sighed, then shook her head. “This isn't going to last is it?”

Brian shot her a confused look. “What do you mean?”

She shrugged slowly. “I just mean that everything is going to change when we get home. It's going to get weird.”

“It doesn't have to get weird.” Brian grabbed onto her hand more tightly, hoping desperately that she wasn't trying to say that she wanted to go back to the way that things were. They couldn't go back now.

“I know.” Alexa nodded and glanced out the window trying to gather her thoughts. “Earlier we had started to say how we rushed into things, you know? And I'm just afraid that it was easy to rush when there weren't any distractions or memories around.”

“I understand what you're saying.” Brian shrugged. “And it makes sense, I guess.” He let go of her hand quickly and rubbed his now-sweating palm against his jeans.

Alexa could feel the tension in the air between them. This isn't what she wanted. It isn't what she wanted at all. “I mean, the simple solution is that we just slow down, right? We get home. I go to my house, you go to yours. We start dating and we see what happens?”

Brian glanced over at her and smiled. “Does that mean that we can't have sex anymore?”

Alexa laughed and swatted him on his arm. “You have turned into a typical man so quickly, you know that?”

“I'm just kidding.” Brian replied and grabbed her hand again. “You're right. We date. We see what happens. Although, I already know what's going to happen.”

Alexa glanced over at him and smirked, waiting for his next sexual innuendo. “What's that?”

He kissed the back of her hand softly. “You're going to make me fall in love with you.”

Alexa shivered at the touch of his soft lips on her hand and melted at his words. She never wanting that moment to end.

-------

Brian finally pulled the car into Alexa's driveway sometime between 10 and 11 o'clock that night. Brian walked Alexa to the door and pulled her into his arms.

Alexa leaned up and kissed him softly. “I'm really glad that you convinced me to go with you. You're family is amazing.”

Brian smiled. “I'm glad that I decided to threaten to kidnap you if you didn't.”

Alexa laughed and shook her head. “I should get inside.”

“Now, you're sure that you don't want me to come in with you.” He leaned down and kissed her softly again and then leaned his forehead against hers. “You never know who's lurking inside.”

Alexa rolled her eyes and smiled. “I'll be fine.” She turned away from Brian and stuck her key into the lock.

As the door opened, Brian pulled her to him again. He put his hands on both sides of her face and kissed her passionately. For some reason, he was scared to death of leaving her side. “I'll see you tomorrow?” He asked, somewhat out of breath, when he finally pulled away.

“Definitely.” Alexa replied softly and with a final kiss she disappeared into the house.

Deciding to leave his car in her driveway, Brian grabbed Tyke out of the backseat and walked across the street to his own home. As he unlocked the door, he sighed. They'd only been apart for maybe two minutes, yet Brian wanted to burst through the door just to hold her in his arms. Having to wake up alone again was going to be miserable.

When Brian entered the house, he set Tyke down in the foyer. Tyke scurried away quickly as Brian sorted through the mail that was sitting on the catchall table. When he left for extended periods of time, he always hired someone to come by to check the mail and make sure that everything was as it should be.

Within moments, a pure state of panic began to set in. All he had to see was Hayden's name on a sales flyer from Bed, Bath and Beyond. He skipped over the flyer quickly trying desperately not to feel guilty. He was moving on and that was okay. Hayden's dead. She's always going to be dead. Brian's body felt like clay as he moved into the living room. There in front of him was his wedding picture, sitting on the mantle. Adjacent from the living room stood a hutch in the dining room that held the china that he and Hayden had gotten as a wedding present. Brian glanced up the stair case; at the top would be the bedroom that he had shared with his wife. He looked quickly back at the dining room. His eyes stopped on the swinging, wooden door that was the entrance to the kitchen. In the kitchen was Hayden's display of cookbooks and cutlery.

Brian fell to his knees. He felt like his chest was caving in. He couldn't breathe. What have I done? He thought to himself painfully. I betrayed her. The moment that I took one step out of this house, I betrayed her.

Alexa was right. There weren't any distractions in Kentucky. He didn't have to stare at his wedding picture or sleep in the bed that he had once shared with his wife.

Brian spotted his golf bag sitting in the corner of the dining room next to the set of back doors. Without thinking, he grabbed his heaviest golf club, the driver, and slammed it into the hutch, breaking every piece of china that was held inside. He then moved to the living room and swung at everything that reminded him of his wife. He hit the glass-topped coffee table that had once been hers; he smashed every piece of artwork that she had picked out off of the walls; and finally, he swung at his wedding picture, smashing the glass picture frame into a thousand tiny pieces. As the photograph floated to the ground, Brian fell to his knees again. He grabbed the picture as he doubled over and let his tears of misery and betrayal fall freely down his cheeks.

Chapter 14

It was close to midnight, but Alexa couldn't sleep. She stayed lying in bed, staring at the ceiling miserably. Days had passed since they had arrived home from Kentucky and it had been just as many days since Alexa had seen or heard from Brian. Everything was going so well. He had wanted her while they were away. What had happened since?

The day after they had arrived back to Atlanta, Brian had disappeared. His car wasn't in the driveway. Across the street, his house had remained dark. Alexa worried that there had been some type of emergency. She had tried calling Brian's cell phone numerous times, but he never picked up and he never called her back. She contemplated calling his family to make sure that they were all okay, but then realized that was probably crazy.

Maybe he just used me, Alexa thought to herself miserably. The moment that he got away from his home and didn't have to think about his wife, it was easier for him to jump into bed with someone close to him.

Alexa sighed deeply thinking that she probably deserved it. For the first time in the days that had passed, she allowed a stream of silent tears to roll down her cheeks. She missed him and wished that she never would have let anything happen between them. If it hadn't, then maybe she'd be across the street spending time with her friend.

Was it fair to even call him her friend? If he really had used her, then that was no friend at all. Alexa wiped the tears from her face and rolled over onto her stomach. Maybe it was all over? Maybe she should just go back home and leave she and Brian's story where it stood.

Suddenly, her cell phone rang on the bedside table next to her. She jumped up and grabbed the phone, wishing desperately that it was Brian and that she had been overreacting. Instead, it was only Ben. She had been avoiding his phone calls for three months now. She assumed it was time to bite the bullet and talk to her boss.

“What are you doing calling me this late?” She answered grouchily. At that moment she didn't care that he was her boss at all.

“You haven't been answering my calls at any other hour of the day.” Ben replied. “I figured that I'd see how the middle of the night worked for you instead.”

“Well, here I am. What do you want?” Alexa rolled her eyes. She slammed herself back onto the bed, held the phone between her shoulder and ear and crossed her arms.

“What do you mean what do I want?” Ben scoffed, annoyed. “You're not in Georgia on vacation as you'd like people to believe. You're working.”

“What do you mean as I'd like people to believe?” She replied. “Have you been spying on me?”

“Of course I have!” Ben yelled. “You're not answering the phone. You're in Atlanta working. I'm paying all of your bills over here. I need to know how the operation is going.”

Alexa sighed and rolled her eyes again. “It's betrayal, Ben, not Operation Iraqi Freedom.”

In his apartment in New York, Ben smirked and flipped through a pile of photographs. He had been having Brian and Alexa followed for weeks. The pictures ranged from the dog park on the first day that Brian and Alexa had gotten to know each other, to arriving home from Kentucky at the beginning of the week. “Well, I see that you and Brian have been getting awfully chummy with each other, hmm? That's going above and beyond expectations there, Aly.”

Alexa narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean that you see?”

“If I'm going to hire a private investigator, I'm going to do it right.” Ben replied, glad that he was making her uncomfortable.

Alexa shook her head. “You're sick.”

“Maybe, I am.” Ben shrugged and threw the photos down on the desk in front of him. “So, are you going to tell me in your own words how things are going? Is he coming back to us or what?”

“I don't know. I haven't been trying to get him to 'come back to you' in all honesty.” Alexa replied, annoyed. “Look, this is all over. I don't want to be associated with this project anymore.”

“It's a little bit late for that isn't it?” Ben yelled back angrily. “Do you honestly think that Brian is still going to want to be with you after I tell him everything that you've done?”

Alexa squeezed her eyes shut willing herself not to throw the phone across the room. “It doesn't matter because Brian doesn't want to be with me anyway. Tell him whatever you want. I'm done. I'm done with Atlanta. I'm done with Jive. I'm done with you, Ben.”

“You're quitting?” Ben asked, astonished.

“What part of 'I'm done' do you not understand? I shouldn't have ever come out here in the first place.”Alexa sat stiffly, willing herself not to start crying again.

“Alexa, you have a responsibility to Jive. I've already paid you thousands of dollars to uphold your end of this assignment. If you quit now, I'll ruin you.” Ben replied through gritted teeth.

Alexa scoffed. “What could you possibly do to me, Ben? I'm broke. I have no family and very few friends. Besides, I did uphold my end of the assignment. The assignment was to befriend Brian and talk to him about the Backstreet Boys. We've talked about the Backstreet Boys plenty. The general consensus is that he's done with it.”

Ben breathed heavily on the other end of the line. “This isn't over, Alexa.”

“We'll see.” She hung up and threw the phone down onto the bed next to her.

For the second time that night, she let the tears roll down her face. How did I get here, she thought to herself sadly. How is this my life?

She climbed out of bed and walked over to the bay window that faced Brian's house. She sat on the ledge and gazed longingly at the sleepy house across the street. She wished that he would let her in. She'd tried knocking on the door. She'd tried calling. She had a key, but couldn't bring herself to barge into his house when he so obviously wanted nothing to do with her. It was all over now. She'd quit Jive. Her time with Brian was officially over. It was time to go home.

------

Across the street, Brian, too, was standing at his bedroom window staring at the dark house across from his own. His hair was disheveled and there were dark bags underneath his eyes from the lack of sleep that he had subjected his body to since arriving back from Kentucky.

The same night that he had terrorized his own home with a golf club, he walked back across the street, climbed into his car and began to drive. He didn't stop until he arrived in Live Oak, Florida, over four hours away.

Live Oak is a sleepy little town in north Florida where Interstates 75 and 10 meet. He found a Holiday Inn off of the highway and settled in. He wanted to be away from Alexa, away from his parents, away from Hayden. He retreated inside of himself, lost in his thoughts, caught up in his own guilt. After a few days of being holed up in a dirty hotel room, he decided that he couldn't run anymore and drove back to Atlanta. By this time, he was sure that Alexa was either angry that he'd left so abruptly and hadn't answered any of her phone calls, or she was worried to death and had the police out looking for him. As it turned out, it had been a mixture of both.

She'd come to the door, but he hadn't answered. He knew that she had a key and had been waiting for her to use it, but she hadn't taken that extra step. Alexa was a smart woman. She knew when someone was simply avoiding her. So, instead, she continued to call. Her voicemail messages ranged from being worried about him and wondering where he was to that sheer annoyance.

“I wish that you'd answer the door so that I can first come in and kick your ass and then remind you of how you answer that cell phone of yours.” Her last message from the morning before rang in his memory. It seemed like she'd given up. He hadn't heard from her all day and though it killed him to admit it, the fact that she'd given up so easily was heartbreaking.

He hadn't been able to sleep the entire week. Mostly, he laid in bed awake switching between wishing that Alexa was with him and hating himself for wishing that Alexa was with him. When he did allow himself to drift off, the nightmares started flooding back. Not only of Hayden screaming of his betrayal, but also of Alexa, mostly of losing Alexa. On his first night in Live Oak, Brian dreamed of that day in the airport. This time, both Hayden and Alexa were there, though Alexa was in the background hugging a friend goodbye before boarding the plane. Brian watched as Alexa stood back, allowing Hayden to board the plane first. She then turned around and saw Brian watching. She flashed him her beautiful smile and winked before following Hayden down the jet bridge. Brian tried to scream in protest, but no sound came out. He watched both of the women that he loved board the doomed aircraft.

Brian blinked back tears at the memory. It took a nightmare for him to realize that he was in love with Alexa. Sure, he knew that he was falling in love with her, but to see the reality of his feelings play out in his dreams was heartwrenching. That's a large reason why he had to stay away. He couldn't go through with the pain of love and loss again. Relationships are doomed to fail. Nothing lasts forever. Someone always either falls out of love or dies. A couple can never simply be happy.

Then, of course, there was his wife. He knew that he had promised 'til death do them part-- and it had; she had died and he was here. He vowed to cherish her forever and be loyal to her until one of them passed away. Well, Hayden was dead. Brian sauntered away from the window and back over to his bed. He laid down and stared up at the ceiling blankly. Why couldn't he get around the fact that she wasn't coming back and that he HAD, in fact, upheld his vows? He wasn't betraying her by moving on and trying to be happy. Was he?

A while later, his heavy eyelids closed, finally allowing sleep to pass over his body. That night, the nightmares were held at bay. Because he hadn't allowed himself to sleep for days, his body finally took over, forcing him into a hard slumber.

-------

Brian didn't open his eyes again until he heard his phone ringing beside him sometime after noon the next day. He grabbed the phone and hoped that it was Alexa. Even though he knew that he wouldn't answer, it would be good to know that she hadn't given up on him so quickly.

When he looked at the caller ID he realized that it was only AJ. Out of all of his former bandmates, AJ was the one that he kept in closest contact with. They talked on the phone once every week or so.

“Hello?” Brian answered groggily.

“Hey Man, what's up?” AJ replied cheerfully.

“Not that much. I just got back from Kentucky. Did you have a good Thanksgiving?” Brian asked, happy to be able to think about something besides his love life for a little while.

“It was pretty good. I went to my mom's house. How about you?” AJ asked with a hint of a smile in his voice.

“It was okay. Same old thing, different year.” Brian sat up in bed and leaned back against the headboard.

“That's not exactly what I heard, but okay. We'll go with that.” AJ laughed softly.

Brian stared at the phone wondering what AJ was talking about. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, nothing.” AJ replied coyly. “I just heard that you brought a hottie home with you.”

Brian groaned. Here we go, he thought to himself. “How did you even know that?”

“I talked to your mom. What's the problem?” AJ asked, taken aback for a moment. According to Jackie, Brian was supposedly in a much better mood these days.

“Why did you talk to my mom?” Brian asked, starting to get a chip on his shoulder.

“Whoa, Man,” AJ retorted with a sigh. “Your mom called me to check in. Apparently, she's been listening to Internet rumors again. She happened to mention that you brought a girl home with you. That's it.”

Brian wanted to hang up. This was supposed to be a casual conversation. AJ wasn't supposed to know about Alexa. “I did, but it doesn't matter. She's a friend. She was a friend.”

“What happened?” AJ asked sadly. He was really hopeful that Brian had finally started to move on and be happy again.

Brian sighed and shook his head. “Nothing happened. I screwed everything up, that’s all.”

“How did you do that?” AJ prodded, hoping that Brian wouldn’t freak out on him for getting into his business.

“I don’t know.” Brian replied curtly. “I just did.”

“Brian,” AJ replied shortly, “from what I can assume, you started to move on and then you panicked, am I right?”

“Kind of,” Brian groaned. “No, that’s exactly what happened.”

“I figured,” AJ replied slowly. “So, let’s fix it. Start from the beginning.”

Brian hadn’t told anyone about his feelings for Alexa, except for Alexa and he kind of wanted to keep it this way. After a moment’s hesitation, Brian gave in. “Well, basically, there’s this girl and she’s amazing.”

AJ smiled. He was so glad that Brian had been able to say the words. “Go on,” AJ replied, not wanting to interrupt and cause Brian to shut down.

“Her name is Alexa. She lives across the street from me. From the moment that I met her, no matter how hard that I tried, I couldn’t just pretend like she didn’t exist.” Brian closed his eyes tightly, willing the image of her beautiful smile out of his mind. “So, anyway, we became friends and she came home with me for Thanksgiving, otherwise she was going to be alone. One thing lead to another and by the end of the week we were in bed together. And then we were in bed together again. Oh, and again.”

“I get it, Brian,” AJ chuckled. “And then you got home, I assume?”

“And then I got home. All I had to do was see Hayden’s name written on a sales flyer, and then I saw her picture and all of our things.” Brian sighed again. “It just did something to me, so I ran away and I haven’t spoken to Alexa since. I figure that if I ignore my feelings for her that they’ll go away.”

“You know how crazy that sounds right?” AJ asked his conflicted friend.

“Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.” Brian ran a hand through his hair and flopped back down on the bed.

“I’ll tell you what you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to march your ass across the street, beg for forgiveness and win her back.” AJ replied trying to force some sense into his friend’s head. “Brian, you miss Hayden every day, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” Brian replied sadly.

“Well that’s never going to go away. Ever. You’re going to miss Hayden forever, but why feel that way about Alexa, too? Hayden’s gone. There’s nothing more that you can do for Hayden right now, but you can be happy with Alexa.” AJ paused, allowing his words to sink, then he continued. “You deserve to be happy.”

“Do I really deserve to be happy with someone else though, AJ?” Brian clenched his jaw to hold back his tears. “I mean, I had that. Maybe I’d only be holding Alexa back from her happy ending.”

In his living from across the country, AJ shook his head. He knew that Brian really believed that, which only broke his heart. “Brian, you gave Hayden you’re entire heart. No one is going to judge you for making someone else as happy as you made your wife. It’s time to let go, Buddy.”

Brian knew that while AJ’s words sounded good, it didn’t mean that the follow through was that easy. “I don’t know, AJ. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.”

“I think that’s obviously been proven wrong.” AJ sighed. “It could be Hayden that dropped Alexa at your feet. You never know.”

“Yeah, or it could be Lucifer himself.” Brian was starting to get a headache. He just wanted to change the subject. “How’s the new album coming?”

AJ laughed, knowing what Brian was trying to do. He decided to let it go for now. At least Brian had been somewhat receptive.”It’s going pretty well. I actually need to get going. I have to get to the studio.”

Brian sighed with relief. “Okay, well good luck.”

“I’m not trying to push you, but you know that the door is always completely open.” AJ said. In all honesty, he missed his old friend.

“I know and thanks, but,” Brian paused. “Just one step at a time, okay?”

“You got it, Buddy.” AJ replied. Brian’s response was better than a down-and-out ‘no’. “All right, I’m going to let you go. Don’t make a huge mistake though, Brian. Go to Alexa. Make things right. Be happy.”

“We’ll see,” Brian replied before the men said their goodbyes and hung up. Brian placed the phone down next to him. He then climbed off of the bed and walked over to the window. For the first time in over a week, he saw Alexa. She was just coming back from the grocery store dressed casually in a pair blue jeans, a t-shirt and an oversized pair of sunglasses. She pushed the sunglasses up over her eyes, using them as a hair band. Even from as far away as he was standing, he could see that her facial features were puffy from crying. He had really hurt her and it broke his heart to see. He touched the glass wanting to reach out to her. He contemplated throwing everything to the wind and running after her, but then she disappeared into the house, Brian stepped away from the window and they were right back to where they had started.

Another week passed by slowly. Alexa had officially stopped calling. She’d stop ringing the doorbell. She had left her key to Brian’s house taped to the front door with a simple note that read, “I give up.”

Though Brian didn’t expect her to chase him forever, seeing the words written in her loopy handwriting chilled him. Lying on the sofa with his ankles crossed, he stared blankly at the ceiling. When he closed his eyes, it was as if the words on Alexa's note were tattooed to his eyelids. I give up.

That’s what he had wanted her to do, wasn’t it? He was avoiding her, hiding from the intense feelings that were rushing through his body just so that she would walk away and forget all about him. He was a coward. He couldn’t even stand to look Alexa in the face and tell her that he wasn’t ready and that he couldn’t be with her.

Bria's avoidance had little if anything at all to do with Alexa. He was scared. He was scared of falling in love and losing it all again. By the time that he turned away from Alexa, it was too late. He had already fallen in love with her. Any kind of pain that he was feeling at that point in time was pain that he had inflicted upon himself. When they were together, he was ready. If he was honest with himself, the only reason that he’d even felt guilty anymore was because he thought that was what he was supposed to feel.

The pain of seeing his wife’s picture and all of their things wasn’t so much about the guilt of betraying her as it was about the fact that he’d finally let her go. Though Hayden would always be in both his heart and his mind, he’d finally let himself come to terms with the fact that she wasn’t coming back. Brian hated to believe that he deserved to be happy without her, especially after the no-doubt painful way that she and his baby had died, but the truth of the matter was that everyone was right. If Hayden was alive, she would grieve Brian, too, but Brian wouldn’t want her to be miserable forever. At some point in time, everyone has to let go; everyone has to heal.

The simple fact of the matter was that he wanted Alexa. He wanted her with all of his heart and everything inside of him.

Brian swung his legs to the floor and walked over to the window in his living room. The blinds were cracked just enough that he could see out, but no one could see in. He’d been feeling so creepy and stalker-like lately, but he couldn’t help it. His home had turned into a prison. He was stuck inside with only his thoughts of a past that he’ll never get back.

Brian paced back and forth in front of the window solemnly. What the hell is the matter with you? Brian thought to himself angrily. Just go to her.

“No,” He said aloud in the empty house. “She said that she’s given up. You have to respect her decision. She’s tired of your bullshit, Brian, she’s done.”

Stop being such a baby and take a chance in your life, his self-conscience argued.

Brian shook his head and laughed to himself. He walked over to the couch and sat down. With his elbows propped on his knees and his head resting in his hands, he groaned. “That’s it. You’ve really gone off the deep-end now. You’re arguing with yourself.”

Brian turned his head his head back to the window. Inside the house that sat across the narrow street he could make out Alexa’s figure. He sighed deeply. Just go.

In an instant, he was up from his place on the couch and walking quickly to Alexa’s house. As he approached, his pace slowed. Something was different. The garage door was opened and her rental car was sitting in the driveway. Brian glanced into the car. The inside was packed with boxes marked kitchen, bedroom and storage.

As he walked a few steps closer, he began to panic. Inside the garage were more stacked boxes. These were marked either Washington or New York. Brian’s heart began to thump in his chest. She was leaving.

He knew that she had said that she was only in Georgia for vacation, but part of him expected her to always be around. She had said that she was considering staying. Apparently, he had changed her mind.

Suddenly, his legs felt as if they were made of stone. Go, He thought to himself fruitlessly. Don’t let her leave. Give her a reason to stay.

Still facing the house, Brian stepped back a few paces. He was startled when he ran into the gated community’s chubby, older postman.

“Oh,” Brian spun around quickly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.”

“That’s quite all right.” The older gentleman smiled at Brian. The postman knew Brian’s story. He had been working the same route for ten years. He noticed when the young couple, Brian and Hayden, got married and first moved into their house. He had noticed when Hayden’s baby bump had begun to show. And of course he had noticed when young Hayden disappeared. He was only in the neighborhood for about an hour a day, but any observant person could see the toll that the death of his wife had put on Brian. So, of course, the old postman noticed when Brian had started to spend time with Alexa. “It’s a shame that the pretty girl is leaving.”

Brian looked up sharply and nodded slowly. He looked back over at his house wondering how rude it would be for him to just walk away from the imminent conversation. He didn’t need an old wise man in his life. Brian shrugged. “Vacation’s got to end sometime.”

The postman chuckled. “I guess that’s true in a literal sense. Only if that feeling of vacation could last forever, huh?” The postman shrugged his beefy shoulders. “Ah, well. She’s a sweet girl. Her vacation will find her again.” With a final nod of his head, the postman left Brian on the street dumbfounded.

Using the postman’s analogy, Brian thought to himself with a sigh, I hope that her next vacation can make her happy. He lowered his head and walked slowly back to the safety of his prison.

-------

From inside her house, Alexa watched Brian walk away and sighed. Seeing him coming toward her house had made her hopeful, but as she watched him disappear into his house she knew it was for the better. Now, he’d never have to know who she really was.

It had angered her that he was so willing to let everything that they had slip away after they had gotten back from Kentucky, but what did it really matter? No matter how happy they could have made each other it all would have come crashing down eventually. She would rather be the one hurt than the one who had done the hurting and if things had continued with she and Brian, eventually she would have hurt him.

Alexa flopped down onto the couch. The house was mostly empty. Anything that actually belonged to her was packed away in a box. She knew that Ben had paid for the house until the end of the month, but there was no reason for her to stay any longer. The next day she and the few boxes that she had in her car were going to be boarding an airplane to New York City. Home.

She inhaled deeply thinking that she probably could have stayed where she was forever.

Her cell phone vibrated on the coffee table in font of her. She looked at the caller ID; it was Brooke.

“Hey big sister.” Alexa answered half-heartedly.

“Oh, no.” Brooke responded, knowing her sister. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. I’m just tired, I guess.”

“Too much ‘research’ down in the Dirty South, eh?” Brooke joked, causing Alexa to chuckle.

“Yeah, something like that. What’s up?” Alexa laid back on the couch and covered her eyes with her arm.

“Nothing really. I saw that you called yesterday. Sorry that I didn’t get back to you.” Brooke replied.

“It’s okay. I just called to let you know that I’m officially leaving the 'Dirty South' actually.” Alexa laughed softly. “I’m going back home tomorrow.”

“Is that what you’re upset about?” Brooke asked, though she didn’t need to. Alexa didn’t uproot easily.

“Yes and no.” Alexa shrugged to herself. “I kind of like it here.”

“Well then you’ll love Washington!” Brooke exclaimed, putting as much emphasis on the word ‘love’ as she could muster.

Alexa laughed. “How does Washington have anything at all to do with Georgia? If anything, Washington is more like New York.”

“Well,” Brooke started. “Lance and I are thinking about moving to Maryland. That’s only a train ride away from DC and Maryland is pretty nice.”

“You’re losing me here, B.” Alexa replied. “Are you really moving?”

“Well, see, Lance and I need a bigger place.” She said with a smile. “We were thinking about Cherry Hill, maybe? A house in the suburbs with a room for Wes, a room for Aunt Alexa and we need an extra room to turn into a nursery.”

“Get out!” Alexa exclaimed jumping up from her place on the sofa. “You’re pregnant, too?”

Brooke was taken aback for a moment. “What do you mean ‘too’? Alexa you’re not… are you?”

Alexa closed her eyes and shook her head. “No, no. Sorry. Forget that. A friend.”

“You almost gave me a heart attack, although it’d be nice to be pregnant with my sister.” Brooke laughed.

“You’d better wait to have your third one then,” Alexa joked. “So, how far along are you? When did you find out?”

“We found out yesterday and I’m about six weeks along.” In her Washington, DC home, Brooke's skin was already glowing.

“That’s really good, Brooke. I’m really happy for you.” Alexa laughed softly. “Don’t go all postpartum on your kids and leave them like mom did.”

Brooke laughed. “You don’t have to worry about that.” Brooke paused. “So, I was really thinking that maybe you’d come stay with us for a while. Go to school. Find a job. Whatever you want to do. Our family is growing and I want you close by.”

Alexa sighed. “I’ll think about it, okay? I’m not making any promises, but to tell you the truth, I may not have any other choice.”

“What do you mean?” Brooke asked.

“Let’s just say that my research isn’t going so well.” Alexa sat back down and crossed her legs. “It’s okay though. It’s probably for the better.”

“Aw, Sweetie, I’m sorry.” Brooke replied sympathetically. “I know that you had your hopes for Jive.”

Alexa smiled to herself. “Seriously. It’s okay. If I can’t find something else, then I’ll be with you and Lance and Wes. That’ll be good. We’ll see what happens.”

“Are you sure that you’re okay?” Brooke inquired. “You don’t sound good.”

Alexa sighed, wondering if she should tell Brooke about Brian. “Well,” she started when she finally gave in. “I kind of met someone over here and it didn’t really work out.”

“You’ve been there for months! Why haven’t I heard about him?” Brooke exclaimed, annoyed. Alexa tended to be so private sometimes.

“Don’t freak out on me!” Alexa laughed. “It was over just as quickly as it began.”

“Well,” Brooke prodded. “Tell me about him anyway.”

Alexa rolled her eyes and smiled. “He’s… well, he’s amazing. And there’s not that much to tell beyond that.”

“Come on, Aly.” Brooke whined. “Give me some details. I have to live vicariously though you.”

“I don’t know.” Alexa replied. “You seem to be living a pretty good life over there, Miss I-have-a-successful-rich-husband-and-I’m-having-his-second-baby.”

Brooke laughed. “Yeah, yeah.”

“I actually need to go. We’ll talk about him another time, okay? I promise.” Alexa conceded, though secretly, she was hoping that Brooke would forget.

“Okay,” Brooke said with a sigh. “Call me tomorrow and let me know that you got home safely.”

“I will,” Alexa replied. “And you be good to yourself. Don’t stress too much and hurt my baby.” The girls both laughed and hung up the phone a minute later.

Alexa got off of the couch and walked over to the front window. I wonder if I should at least go try to say goodbye? She thought to herself and then shook her head. Just leave well enough alone, Aly. Go home.

-------

Hours had passed since Brian had stood in front of Alexa’s house willing himself to knock on the front door. The morning was quickly creeping up. It was now 6 a.m., but he was out of bed, pacing the floor in his bedroom.

Inside, his heart was at war with his head. Back and forth they would fight. Go to her. Stay. She makes you happy. You’ll end up miserable.

Brian sat on the edge of his bed and laid his head in his hands with a groan. “Stop it.” He said to himself. He was more tortured inside than he had been since the first few months after losing his wife.

Was it possible that he was making the biggest mistake of his life by letting her go? How could something that felt so wrong, be the right thing for him to do?

Alexa had said something on the drive up to Kentucky that had stayed with him. Hayden’s book had to have an ending. Her ending was written before they even got together. She was only allowed 25 years on this planet and then she would be gone. So, maybe Brian really had done everything that he could to make her the happiest that she could be in the last three years of her life.

At this point, Brian didn’t really know if Hayden even had anything to do with the fact that he was being so stubborn about being with her. He’d left guilt behind the moment that he had climbed into bed with Alexa. It wasn’t about guilt anymore.

He had to decide if he was going to live his life being afraid of the world, afraid of loving someone and letting someone love him or if he was going to live again.

At that moment, Brian stood and walked back over to the window. Across the street Alexa locked the front door, put the key under the mat and dragged a heavy suitcase to her car. Once again, Brian became panicked.

This is it, He thought to himself. She’s leaving for real. You can’t let her go.

Like a cannon, Brian shot down the stairs and out the door. “Wait!” He called as he ran across the street where Alexa was just climbing into her car. “Don’t go.”

Alexa sighed and closed her eyes refusing to turn around. “What are you doing here?”

Brian grabbed Alexa by the waist, forcing her to look at him. “I said don’t go.”

Brian’s touch sent chills down Alexa’s spine and the pain in his eyes sent an aching to her heart. She shook her head. “You’re too late. I have to go.”

“Alexa, I know that I’m a mess.” Brian began as he held onto her waist. “I’m an emotional wreck. I’m moody. You can’t trust my judgment as far as you can throw me, but there’s one thing, if it’s the only thing that I know right now and that is that I can’t let you go. Not yet. Not now.”

Alexa closed her eyes willing him to stop touching her. “You don’t understand. It’s too late. I’m not who you think I am. I don’t have the type of money to live in this house or anywhere near this neighborhood. I-”

“Why do you think that something as stupid as money would matter to me?” Brian exclaimed, cutting her off. “Are you listening to what I’m trying to tell you?”

“I really wish that you wouldn’t. I really wish that you would let me finish.” Alexa shook her head, but stopped when Brian pressed his lips against hers. Instantly, she melted in his arms.

He cupped her face in his hands gently and forced her to look at him again. “Alexa Owens. I am madly, deeply, completely in love with you. I want you to stay. I want a chance to make you fall madly, deeply, completely in love with me, too.”

Silent tears began to fall down her face. “It’s too late you idiot.” Alexa replied softly.

Brian began to shake his head in protest, but Alexa put a finger up to his lips.

“It’s too late because I fell in love with you a long time ago.” Against her better judgment and before she was able to tell Brian anything, they were drawn together again.

Brian leaned down with a soft smile on his lips. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and kissed her with all of the passion that he had inside until Alexa pulled away and kicked him in his shin. “Ow! What did you do that for?”

“That was for sleeping with me, leading me to believe that you wanted to be with me and then disappearing.” She chastised playfully.

Brian laughed. “You know, I thought that I'd made it pretty clear that I'm a mess, not to mention that I've made it perfectly clear that I completely want to be with you. I hope that you're ready, because it's going to be a hard task getting rid of me.”

Alexa looked down and pulled away slowly. “I'm really glad that you said that because I need to tell you some things, some important things.”

Brian cupped her hands in her face again. “Alexa, listen to me. Unless what you're going to tell me is life or death, it doesn't matter. I love you for everything that you've shown me that you are. I don't care about money or some petty bad things that you've done in the past. The slate is clean with me.” He chuckled softly. “And I promise you that I'm not gay.”

Alexa laughed and swatted him playfully, then leaned closely against his chest. “Do you promise me that you'll always remember this moment?”

“I promise,” he whispered.

Maybe he meant it, Alexa thought, maybe it could wait. Maybe it didn't matter. “Hey, Brian?” Alexa looked up at him and smiled.

“What's up, Beautiful?” Brian smirked back already knowing what that smile meant.

“How about we go back into that house behind me and make up for lost time?” She smiled and kissed the side of his neck. “Unless of course you want to take it slow.”

Brian moaned. “Screw taking it slow.” He picked Alexa up into his arms with ease and hurried to the door. When he got to the front stoop, he set her down so that he could reach under the mat for the key. After he unlocked the door, he took her back into his arms. “God, I love you.” He whispered into her ear. Once he'd said it the first time, it was easy. He wanted to tell her over and over again. He loved her.

Alexa looked into Brian's eyes and smiled. “I love you.”

Brian pulled Alexa slowly into the house and closed the door slowly behind him, shutting the rest of the world out of his enamored bliss. As he showed Alexa, exactly how he felt about her, his only wish was that the feeling would last forever.

The next few days between Brian and Alexa were spent in a sexual splendor. They stayed in, talked about nothing at all and everything all at once, and made love until the sun rose the next morning. Both Brian and Alexa were elated simply to be back in each other's arms. The world around them seemed to stop. For that little while, all of the pain of the world and the injustices that they had suffered slipped away. Inside that house, all that they needed was each other.

Early Saturday morning, Alexa and Brian awoke to banging coming from the story below. Alexa sat up in bed. “What’s that?”

“Are you expecting someone?” Brian asked curiously.

“No.” Alexa replied as she jumped out of bed and ran to the door.

“Where are you going?” Brian asked pulling her back into her bedroom with a smirk. “What have I told you about going on crusades in your underwear? In fact, you shouldn't be crusading at all.”

Alexa shot Brian a look and grabbed her robe from where it hung in the bathroom. “I've taken care of myself for a long time. I can take care of some suburban burglars.”

She rushed out of the room with Brian at her heels. When Alexa got to the top of the staircase, she peeked down and saw that it was only the movers lifting the furniture. “Whoa, whoa!” She called as she descended the stairs. “What are you doing?”

Two of the men picked up a large bookcase and started out the door; a third man walked over to Alexa. “Apologies, Ma'am, no one was supposed to be here.”

“It's okay, but can you please put my furniture back? I canceled the move. I'm here until the end of the month.” Alexa replied as the mover stared at her blankly. “I called your office.”

“Well, Ma'am, the landlord called us back and asked us to get you out of here by the end of the weekend. A Mr. Ben S-”

“Sawyer!” Alexa interrupted. “Ben Sawyer. That's my boss.”

“That's not what it says here.” The sweaty mover shrugged and held out the yellow order receipt.

She shook her head and pushed it back at him. “You've just got the wrong name.”

“What does your boss have to do with anything?” Brian piped up from behind. Inside, he was terrified that this meant that she might actually have to leave after all.

Alexa turned to Brian. “I tried to tell you. The company that I work for, or that I used to work for, owns this house. We kind of had a falling out and this is their way of telling me to clean my desk.”

“Is that even legal?” Brian asked, dumbfounded.

“If they're paying for it, it's absolutely legal.” Alexa shrugged and looked around the emptying house. “I guess that I'm going to have to find a hotel to stay at or something.”

“You can't stay in a hotel forever.” Brian replied with his arms crossed against his chest.

“I know.” She shook her head. “I guess we're going to have to do some talking about how much you like long distance relationships.”

“Do you mind that I excuse myself?” The mover interrupted. “We have a lot of work to do.”

“By all means, go.” Alexa replied, rolling her eyes. She then turned back to Brian. “I really need to go upstairs and get my things back together. Luckily, I only have that one suitcase that I unpacked.”

Alexa turned and jogged up the stairs before Brian had a chance to respond. She was on the verge of tears. Finally, everything was going well in her life. She was in love with an amazing guy whom said that he was in love with her, too. It was all so new and now she had to leave it.

Once upstairs, Alexa started to throw her clothes into her large, dark green suitcase. “This is unbelievable,” she muttered to herself.

“So, what happened?” Brian asked as he leaned against her oak dresser. “I mean, between you and your company?”

Alexa shook her head. “Nothing. I mean, we just didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things.”

“Like?” Brian prodded, hoping that she could possibly just go back to them. Only that wasn't very fair considering that he wasn't willing to go back to the Backstreet Boys for anything.

“Like things, Brian.” Alexa shrugged. “Mostly ethical things.” She turned around to look back at him and saw the sadness in his eyes.

Brian knew that she wasn't going to have the house forever. They had talked about that much, but he figured that they had a couple of weeks until she had to make a major decision regarding what her next move was going to be. He had hoped that she'd decide to find work in Atlanta and stay close to him. When it came to his love life, Brian realized, he was unbelievably selfish.

“Look,” Alexa broke into his thoughts. She walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I'm going to get a hotel room somewhere in town and I'm going to stay as long as I can. After that, we'll see what happens, but just because I'm physically not here, doesn't mean that things have to change, right?”

Brian sighed. “I did the long distance thing for years. I don't want to do it anymore.”

Alexa sighed and rolled her eyes. “Here we go. What does that mean?”

Brian laughed and pulled her to him. “Why are you getting all grouchy?”

“Because you're about to say something ridiculous.” Alexa shrugged. “But that's okay. Go on. Let's hear it.”

Brian laughed again. “I wasn’t going to say anything ridiculous. I was just going to say that you should stay with me.”

Alexa shook her head and pulled away from Brian. “Well, not what I thought that you were going to say, but yep, still ridiculous.”

Brian pulled Alexa back as she started to walk away. “What's so ridiculous about it? You don't have to stay forever. Just as long as you’re comfortable, or until you get sick of me whichever comes first.” Brian smiled and kissed Alexa softly.

“Do you seriously hear yourself, Brian?” Alexa asked, softly. “We haven't even been to your house since we officially got together. The first time that we attempted this,” she paused as she pointed back and forth between the both of them, “you freaked out and I didn't see you for two weeks. Let alone the fact that I know that you have never had a woman other than your wife in that bed with you. I have a feeling that it would destroy you and I'm sorry, but I'm not in the mood to make myself into a nuclear weapon on your life.”

“Alexa,” Brian replied calmly with a smile. “Beautiful. It's fine. I’m done talking myself into feeling badly about things. I’m moving on to a new chapter and I’m bringing you with me. Just stay until after the holidays. At that point, we can start making some real plans. It’ll be an extended vacation. Let’s just enjoy this honeymoon period as long as we can.”

Alexa sighed and began to falter. Though during the last few days and during the time that they spent together in Kentucky they were by each other's sides all day and night anyway, the thought of making it official, even if only for a few weeks was a little exciting. “Are you 100 percent, absolutely sure?”

“I am 100 percent, absolutely sure.” Brian pulled her close and kissed her forehead lightly. “We've been staying here together anyway. It's just a change of venue.”

Alexa sighed and hoped to God that he was right.

-------

Brian left Alexa's former house a few minutes later. He needed to prepare, both mentally and organizationally. Alexa had only been up to his room one other time and that was when she dragged him out of bed on Hayden's birthday. Did he really know what he was getting himself into? Was it still going to be like that? Was she still going to have to drag him out of bed on those occasions?

Brian unlocked his front door and walked inside. The place was still a mess from when he went on his violent tirade. There was broken glass on the floor from his coffee table. Holes were smashed into the wall from when he went on attacked against the artwork that once hung there. Man, was he going to have some explaining to do.

Brian walked into the kitchen and grabbed the broom and dustpan. He then walked back into the living room and began to sweep the mess, hoping that he could get a good bit cleaned up before Alexa made her way across the street. Apparently, he had been hoping for too much. Alexa walked in just as he was bending down to lift the first full dust pan.

Alexa’s mouth hung slightly open as she first came upon the mess that he’d made of his house. Not only had he destroyed the living room, but the place was a pig sty. He left empty pizza boxes and fast food wrappers lying around aimlessly. Books from the overturned bookcase were lying in piles on the floor. Alexa blinked, hoping that she was only seeing things. “What the hell happened?”

Brian looked down embarrassed and shrugged. “I was kind of messed up.”

“Like on drugs?” Alexa joked with a bewildered expression plastered onto her face. “Because it seriously looks like you were on something when you did all of this.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “No, not on drugs.”

“I’m not trying to be judgmental or anything,” Alexa replied, “but please tell me what the hell happened here and if I am in any way a part of that, do me a favor and leave that out.”

Brian laughed softly and walked over to Alexa. He took her hands into his gently. “Listen, I told you that when we got back from Kentucky I was really conflicted, right? Well, I kind of took my frustration out on the house,” he shrugged nonchalantly, but then added quickly, “listen, it’s no big deal. I just need to clean up and it’ll be as good as new.”

“It’s no big deal?” Alexa argued, hating the fact that she was so hurt by the way that he had felt when they had arrived home from Thanksgiving. She understood that he needed that time, but it still didn’t make seeing the visual of his pain any easier. Suddenly she noticed his tattered wedding picture lying on the floor at his feet. “Brian, you were so guilt-stricken about being with me that you ruined your home. You couldn’t even be bothered to clean up after yourself. Now you want me to stay here?” She shook her head and thrust the photograph at him. “No way.”

Brian grabbed onto Alexa as she started to walk away. “You’re not leaving here, Aly. I was in a bad place and I did something stupid, but I thought that I’d made it perfectly clear when I ran across the street proclaiming my feelings for you that I had finally let that guilty part of me go.”

“You did. I mean, you tried.” She shook her head. “But Brian, let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that every day is going to be a good one. You’re still going to wish that I was her sometimes.”

Brian shook his head emphatically. “No. I’ve never wished that you were Hayden. Ever. And I’m not going to. You’re different and that’s what I love about you. You don’t try to be Hayden. You don’t try to take Hayden’s place. You’ve etched out your own permanent place in my heart and yeah, I destroyed this place, but not because of you. It was all about me not having realized that it was okay to feel the way that I do about you.”

Alexa shrugged. “I guess that I just want to know that this part of you--this sad, maniacal part of you--is gone, at least for now. I know that there are days that are going to be hard on you and I get that. I just don’t want to be bounced back and forth every couple of weeks between I love Alexa, no wait, I have a wife.”

Brian cupped Alexa’s face in his hands and looked into her eyes. “I promise you that for the most part, that part of me is gone. You just have to trust me. Okay?”

Of course she could trust him. At least he had everything out on the table. Alexa sighed and nodded. She intertwined her fingers with Brian’s, which were still resting gently on her face, and kissed him softly. “I do trust you. It was just easier to forget about all of this when it’s not staring you in the face.”

“I’m a firm believer in actions speaking louder than words,” Brian replied after a brief pause. He smiled softly. “And I’m going to show you that I’m not as fragile as you think that I am.”

“I don’t think that you’re fragile.” Alexa replied with a smile and rolled eyes. “Look, can we just clean this mess up and move on?”

Brian laughed. “Absolutely.”

Within a couple of hours, Brian and Alexa had cleaned Brian’s house from top to bottom. When they finished at Brian’s, their next task was to grab Alexa’s things from her house across the street. They stacked her boxes in Brian’s garage and dragged her suitcases upstairs to his bedroom.

By the time that Brian lugged the last suitcase into his large closet, he was exhausted. He walked back into the bedroom, where Alexa was standing in the doorway, and flopped back onto his pillow-topped mattress. He patted the mattress next to him and smiled. “I think that it’s time for a nap.”

Alexa grinned and rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on, B. Lit. A little hard work and you’re ready to call it a day?”

Brian narrowed his eyes in confusion. “B. Lit?”

“Yeah, that’s your gangsta name.” Alexa said laughingly.

“I don’t recall pulling out any of my gangsta moves recently, but okay.” Brian shook his head and patted the bed again. “Would you just come here?”

Alexa walked over to Brian slowly and sat down.

Brian leaned over and kissed the top of her shoulder softly. “What’s the matter? You seem nervous or something.”

Alexa shrugged. “I am kind of. I’ve never actually shared living space with a guy before.”

“Come here.” Brian said as he reached around and pulled her down next to him. When she smiled up at him coolly, Brian melted and kissed her passionately, then smirked. “Will you stop being so nervous if I promise to be gentle?”

Alexa laughed and pushed him away. “You’re unbelievable.”

“That’s what she said.” Brian replied laughingly as he pulled Alexa on top of him and they christened his once lonely bed.

-----

The next morning, Alexa awoke to the sound of the phone buzzing beside her. She smiled as she became acclimated to where she had woken up and whose arms were wrapped around her.

“Hello?” She answered groggily.

“Well, hello to you, too.” A male voice replied with a hint of a smile.

Alexa pulled the phone away from her ear, not knowing to whom she was speaking. Then she noticed that it was Brian’s phone that she had answered. The caller was Brian’s fellow Backstreet Boy, AJ. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought-”

“No, Sweetheart, it’s all right. I’m actually really glad to be talking to you.” AJ replied. So Brian actually took my advice for once, he thought to himself.

Brian stirred in the bed next to Alexa. “Who are you talking to?” He asked sleepily.

“I’m sorry,” Alexa replied handing him the phone. “It’s actually for you.”

Brian looked at the caller ID and smiled to himself. He knew that it was probably an honest mistake, but now he had AJ to deal with. “Hello?”

“Man, I thought that you two forgot about me.” AJ laughed. “Notice how I said you TWO, right?”

Brian laughed and shook his head. “What do you want?”

“Well. Now, I want to talk about that pretty little thing that I’m assuming is in your bed.” AJ replied with a smirk. Across the country in California, it was only 7 a.m., but AJ had already been up for an hour. He knew that Brian, however, was not an early riser.

“What else do you want?” Brian replied as he chuckled to himself and sat up in bed, leaning against the headboard.

“Well you’re awfully private over there considering that just last week you were talking about how you’d taken her to bed again and again and again.” AJ paused. “Wait. This is the same girl right?”

Brian rolled his eyes and then smiled as Alexa laid her head in his lap. He played with her hair idly as he talked to his friend. “Of course it is.”

“Good,” AJ replied. “You know, I know that you’re trying not to talk about it, but I’m glad that you decided to take my advice for once.”

Brian shook his head. “I didn’t, but okay. So, did you call me for some specific reason this morning?”

“Two reasons actually. For starters, I wanted to let you know that your mom invited me over for Christmas, so I wanted to know what day you were going up there, so that I could meet you. Secondly-”

Brian cut AJ off playfully. “Why are you always talkin’ to my Mama?”

“Well, your mom called to ask me if I’d heard from you. So maybe if you called her more often, she wouldn’t have to call me.” AJ laughed raspily. “What? Do you not want me there?”

“I didn’t say that.” Brian replied, smiling.

“Then shut-up.” AJ joked. “What I was going to say next if I hadn’t been so rudely interrupted was that we had a meeting with management yesterday.”

Brian rolled his eyes, though he continued to smile. “And?”

“And, they said that they’re firing us all if you don’t come back.”

Brian was silent for a moment not knowing if he was kidding or not. “Seriously?”

“No.” AJ deadpanned. “But I bet you were thinking about coming back for a second.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “You’re ridiculous. So, what did they really say?”

“They had some initial tour dates for us. I guess that we’re going to do a mini-tour to promote the new album and to say ‘hey, we’re back.’” AJ replied. “And, we’re going to be in Atlanta sometime in late January. I wanted to make sure that you would show up.”

Brian sighed. “I don’t know, Man. I’ll have to think about it.” Brian doubted that he’d be there. The truth was, he was afraid if he went to the concert that he’d miss it, which is probably what AJ and the others had hoped for.

“I’ll take that. I’m going to remind you over and over until the actual date. You’ll be there and you’ll bring the girlfriend with you.” AJ smiled, glad that Brian hadn’t turned down his invitation right off the bat.

“We’ll see.” Brian said with a grin, and then hurried to get off of the phone so that AJ wouldn’t pressure him for an answer now. “Speaking of the girl, I’ve got to feed her, so I need to let you go.”

“All right, well I’ll see you in a couple of weeks then?” AJ replied. He was looking forward to seeing Brian. They hadn’t spent any time together in over a year. Even then, Brian hadn't really been himself.

“Definitely. I’ll talk to you later.”

AJ said goodbye and then Brian hung up the phone. He smiled down at Alexa. “So, did you enjoy talking to AJ?”

“We didn’t really talk.” She replied, smiling. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that I was answering your phone.”

“It’s okay.” He replied, still running his hands through her hair. “He knew all about you already anyway.”

“Do I want to know?” Alexa replied. She rolled around and looked up at Brian.

Brian shrugged. “I didn’t tell him anything that you don’t already know or haven’t already heard.”

Alexa nodded and smiled. “So, did I hear you mention food?”

“You definitely did. Are you hungry?”

“Famished.” She replied dramatically.

“Then get up and let’s go get something to eat.” Brian smiled as Alexa sat up and kissed him softly. He sat back and watched as she jumped off of the bed and walked over to the closet to sort through her suitcases to find something to wear. Brian sighed contentedly. For the first time in over five years, he was completely happy.

-Two weeks later-

“It’s crooked.” Alexa said to Brian, who was standing on a ladder in the living room setting up their first Christmas Tree. “Pull it more to the left.”

“Are you sure?” Brian replied. “It doesn’t look crooked to me.”

Alexa laughed. “How would you be able to tell? You're on a ladder at the top of the tree.”

Brian chuckled. “I guess you’re right.” He started to move the tree over to the left slowly. “Tell me when.”

Alexa watched closely. “Now. Stop. It’s perfect!”

“Are you sure?” He asked, grinning. “Once I get down, I’m not coming back up.”

“I’m positive.” Alexa smiled. Together, she and Brian had picked out a beautiful 10-foot-tall Evergreen tree from a lot just down the street from Brian's house. It was a gorgeous Christmas tree that neither of them would be able to enjoy for long, because both Brian and Alexa were leaving to visit Brian's family the next day.

“Are you ready to get to decorating?” Brian asked with a smile as he descended the ladder and walked over to where Alexa was standing, admiring the tree.

“Definitely.” Alexa sighed contentedly. It had been a long time since she had shared the holiday with someone that she cared about so deeply. She turned to Brian and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I love you.”

Brian smiled and kissed her forehead softly. “I love you, too.”

Alexa leaned into Brian and inhaled deeply. She loved the way that he smelled. He seldom wore cologne, but somehow he still had a sweet perfumed scent. Alexa closed her eyes, wishing that she could stay wrapped in his arms forever. How many times had she told herself that she was going to be forthcoming and tell him the truth behind how she had come to live across the street? Brian hearing it from her had to be better than hearing it from anyone else. Now wasn't the right time. The moment was too good to ruin. Still, Alexa knew that there was never going to be a right time. Please God, Alexa prayed silently, don't let AJ recognize me.

“What's the matter?” Brian asked, sensing that something was wrong.

“Nothing.” Alexa shook her head and tried to smile. “I'm just kind of bummed that Brooke and Lance decided to go to Lance's parent's house this year. Not that I don't love your family, but I haven't seen my sister in months.”

“Not that this is going to make up for missing your family,” Brian replied, smiling,“but I've got an idea.”

Alexa smirked. “What's that?”

“How about we decorate this tree and then you get out of here. Book a spa day, go shopping, whatever you want to do. Meanwhile, I'll stay here and get everything set up for the most romantic night that you've ever had in your life.” Brian smiled and kissed the top of her jaw line, close to her ear.

“Like that's going to be hard to do, or something.” Alexa joked, while pushing him away.

“Gee,” Brian started, feigning hurt. “You know how to make a guy feel good.”

“Aw,” Alexa soothed, with a playful pout on her lips. “I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'll go to the spa if that's REALLY what you want me to do.”

“Oh,” Brian replied, playing along. “I do, just to get you out of my hair if nothing else.”

Alexa laughed. “Then it's settled.” She kissed his softly. “Now hand me those tree-lights so that we can get this party started.”

-------

Hours later, Brian was still rushing around the house. He wanted to make sure that everything was perfect. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to cook a whole Christmas dinner while Alexa was gone, if at all, Brian called a local homestyle delivery service. He ordered turkey, vegetables and corn bread stuffing--all Christmas favorites. In the dining and living rooms, he lowered the lights and plugged in the Christmas tree. The tree alone was enough to keep the room romantically lit, however, for a special touch Brian set the table with a cream-colored table cloth that his mom had left for him during one of her trips to visit and he lit two red candles.

Earlier in the day, Brian had stepped out to pick up some special things for Alexa including a bouquet of red and white roses. He set the roses in the middle of the two lit candles. He knew that Alexa would be back soon, so he ran upstairs to change his clothes quickly and then rushed into the kitchen to take the turkey out of the oven, where it was warming. He then began carving.

Alexa walked in a moment later and was stunned by how much Brian had done. “Brian?” She called as she walked further into the house.

Brian rushed out of the kitchen and kissed her quickly. “You're early. I'm not ready yet.”

“No.” Alexa replied, shaking her head. “You've done too much.”

“It's not enough.” Brian replied with a smile. “Not that you don't look beautiful already, but you go upstairs and change into the pretty little red number you've got hanging in the closet and I'll be ready by the time that you get back.”

Alexa nodded slowly. “I love you. You know that?”

“I do.” Brian replied. “And I love you.”

Alexa kissed him again before running up to Brian's bedroom. She pulled the dress that Brian had suggested out of the closet and slipped it on quickly. She hurried into his large bathroom and plugged in her curling iron. Alexa swept her hair into a quick updo, slipped on a pair of high heels and started back down the stairs to where Brian was waiting.

Plates heaping with food were now set on the table and there was soft Christmas music playing in the background.

Brian was singing along softly “Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Let your heart be light. From now on,” Brian turned around suddenly hearing Alexa approaching. He continued singing softly in awe by how beautiful that she looked. “Our troubles will be out of sight.”

“Hey.” Alexa said lamely.

“Hey, yourself.” Brian replied. He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her waist. Without saying a word, they both started to sway slowly to the music. “You look beautiful,” Brian finally spoke.

“Thank you.” Alexa replied, blushing. “This is all really amazing. I can't believe that you went to this much trouble.”

Brian shrugged. “I wanted to make it special.”

Across the room, a glowing ornament caught Alexa's eye. She pulled away from Brian slowly and took the brass ornament between her fingers. “Brian and Alexa's first Christmas.” She read aloud. In the middle of the gold-ish surrounding was a silly picture that Brian and Alexa had taken not too long before.

Brian walked up behind her. “It's for all of our Christmas trees. We'll have it forever.”

Alexa turned around and smiled with tears in her eyes. He really did love her. He wanted to be with her for as long as they could possibly last. “You are the most amazing person that I've ever met.” Alexa whispered seriously.

Brian smiled and leaned in slowly. He pressed his soft lips against hers. They had kissed thousands of times by now, but still, the feeling of her lips on his caused him to melt every time. He pulled away slowly. “Alexa, I know that we haven't been together for that long, but I love you more than I'll ever be able to show you. I owe you so much.”

Alexa shook her head and pressed a finger to his lips. “You don't owe me a single thing. Whether you know this or not, you saved me in unimaginable ways.”

Brian shot her a confused look, but assumed she was talking about her family issues. “How about we go eat this great dinner that I cooked for you,” Brian joked. “The next thing that I need to save you from is starvation.”

Alexa laughed, already knowing that he'd ordered the food. They sat at the table together and ate their first private holiday meal by the glow of candlelight.

Brian could sit back and watch Alexa for hours. He was mesmerized by her sweet laughter and the intense way that her blue eyes twinkled. He had never felt this way about someone so quickly. Whether Alexa knew it or not, she had him eating out of the palms of her hands and he loved every minute of it.

--------

The next morning came quickly. The alarm sounded promptly at 6 a.m. Alexa groaned as she swatted at the clock next to her, desperate to stop the incessant buzzing. She rolled over and slung an arm over her eyes.

“Is it really 6 a.m. already?” Brian moaned, miserably. “It feels like we just went to sleep.”

Alexa laughed, softly. “That's because we did.”

Brian wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close to him. “How about we just stay here? I don't have to go, you don't have to go. We don't have to worry about my parents or AJ.”

“Aw, you're not fooling me. You want to see your friend.” Alexa replied as she rolled over and placed her head on Brian's chest.

“Yeah.” Brian replied with a smirk. “I guess that I do.”

Alexa groaned again and pulled herself out of bed. “Come on. We need to get ready to go. We have a long drive ahead of us.”

“Ugh.” Brian replied and threw the comforter over his head. “No.”

“Brian,” Alexa started as she climbed back onto the bed next to him. “We promised your mom that we'd be there by lunchtime. Leaving here at seven already puts us an hour behind.”

“I know.” Brian sighed and pulled himself up. “You're going to have to stay up this time and keep me awake.”

Alexa smiled. “Fine, I'll meet your friend with dark circles under my eyes.”

“Great,” Brian replied. “You're going to look like you have black eyes and they're going to think that I'm a woman beater.”

Alexa laughed. “First off, thanks for letting me know that I look so terrible.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “That's not what I meant.”

“Secondly,” Alexa continued. “It's doubtful that your mom, at least, would think that I let you put your hands on me, mostly because she knows that I'd just kick your ass.”

Brian laughed. “Yeah and I have the bruised shins to prove it.”

“Whatever.” Alexa grabbed onto Brian's hands and attempted to pull him out of bed. “Come on.”

Brian laughed. “Fine, you win. I'm up.”

Both Brian and Alexa showered and changed quickly. By 7 a.m., the car was packed and they were headed back to Kentucky.

They drove in silence for a while, both trying to become acclimated to the limited amount of sleep that they'd gotten the night before. Finally, Alexa turned to Brian and smiled. “So, how's this gonna work?”

Brian smiled back and gently took her hand into his. “How's what going to work?”

“Well,” Alexa shrugged. “We promised your mom that we'd stay at her house this time around. So, does that mean separate bedrooms across the house from each other or what?”

Brian laughed. “Are you kidding?”

“No I'm not kidding.” Alexa smirked. “Is that a bad question?”

Brian shook his head. “No, but trust me, my mom's go glad that I'm having sex again she might lock us in a room together, just to make sure that we still do.”

“Ew,” Alexa said as she swatted Brian's arm. “You talk to your mom about our sex life?”

Brian laughed out loud. “No! I'm just saying. She's so happy that I've finally moved on, that she's happy to accommodate us in any way possible.”

Alexa sighed and nodded with a smirk on her lips. “We're not having sex at your parents' house.”

“What?” Brian asked, seemingly astonished. “Why not?”

“Brian!” Alexa exclaimed. “Between your parents being there, Harold and Leslie being around and AJ... just no.”

“We're going to be there for a week.” Brian replied playfully.

“You'll be fine.” Alexa rolled her eyes and laughed. “Can I tell you something and you promise not to laugh?”

“You can tell me anything, but I'll never promise not to laugh.” Brian replied with a smile.

Alexa rolled her eyes. “I'm nervous about meeting your friend.” Little did Brian know that they'd already met. What she was really nervous about was how big of a first impression that she'd made on AJ just by carrying a basket of bagels into a boardroom.

Brian smiled over at her. “You weren't nervous about coming up to me. What's different about AJ?”

“I didn't know who you were at first.” Alexa shrugged, though she knew good and well who he was when she approached him. The only reason that she had was because he looked like he was going to faint.

“You said that you were never a fan, so it shouldn't matter.” Brian shrugged simply, hoping that she hadn't had his picture on her wall when the Backstreet Boys were at their peak.

“I wasn't and that's not why I'm nervous anyway.” Alexa replied slowly. “He's the first real friend of yours that I'm meeting. I just want him to like me.”

“You worry too much.” Brian replied, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “He may like you too much. AJ and I always had a thing for similar women.”

“Well,” Alexa said, wiggling her eyebrows playfully. “Maybe it's you that has something to worry about, huh?”

Brian laughed and shook his head. “We'll see.”

Hours later, the couple arrived to Lexington, Kentucky. Alexa, of course, had fallen asleep in the passenger seat. Brian slowed the car in his parents' driveway and stopped gently. He took Alexa's hand into his and kissed it softly.

Alexa stirred and looked over at him with a smile. “We're there already?”

“You know,” Brian replied with a smile playing on his lips. “You are the worst travel partner, ever.”

Alexa laughed. “I'm sorry. I don't do well in cars. I told you to wake me up if I fell asleep.”

Brian shrugged. “I couldn't do that. You looked too peaceful over there.”

“Well, thank you.” Alexa smiled and leaned over to kiss him softly. “Now at least one of us is refreshed.”

Brian laughed. “Hang on a sec and I'll grab the door.”

Brian walked around the car and opened Alexa's door. Hand in hand, they walked through the chilly December air toward the house. Once inside, they followed the boisterous laughter to the living room where everyone was sitting around the fireplace.

“Well look who finally decided to show up.” AJ remarked when he saw Brian and Alexa enter the room. He stood from where he was seated at the sofa and glanced at the beautiful woman on Brian's arm. There was something familiar about her that AJ couldn't place.

“What are you doing here already?” Brian replied, grinning from ear to ear. “You're supposed to be coming in tomorrow.”

“I decided to come by a day early so that I could spend some time with my boy and his girl. Come 'ere,” AJ grabbed Brian and the two men hugged tightly. He then turned to Alexa and pulled her in for a hug also. “Hi, I'm AJ.”

“Oh,” Alexa laughed and hugged him back. “I'm Alexa it's nice to meet you.”

Brian's mom stood and joined in on the greetings. She hugged her son and turned to Alexa, hugging her as well. “It's so good to see you both.” Jackie replied as she squeezed. “I've missed you.”

“Mom,” Brian replied, rolling his eyes. “You saw us less than a month ago.”

“That doesn't mean anything.” Jackie argued. “I talk to AJ more than I talk to you and I didn't give birth to him.”

“Yeah, but we've already talked about that. Right AJ?” Brian replied, glancing over at his friend who was gazing curiously at Alexa. “AJ?”

AJ shook his head and turned back to Brian. “Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Brian gets a little bit jealous that you like to talk to me on the phone sometimes.” He then turned back to Alexa, who was desperately avoiding making eye contact with him. “You look so familiar. I feel like I know you from somewhere.”

Alexa shrugged. “I just have one of those faces, I guess. Besides, you've seen thousands of girls. I'm sure that I look like at least a handful of them.”

AJ nodded his head. “Yeah, that must be it.”

“Well,” Jackie broke in a second later. “I know that you all must be hungry. I've got some deli sandwiches waiting to be cut up in the kitchen.”

“If you don't mind. I'm going to go outside and grab a smoke real quick.” AJ replied and turned to Brian. “Want to keep me company?”

“Yeah, sure, even though I'll be watching you die slowly.” Brian replied, smiling.

“Yeah, yeah.” AJ and Brian walked through the living room and out the front door.

Jackie turned to Alexa and slung an arm around her. “I guess that it's just you and me, Kid.”

“That's fine with me.” Alexa laughed. “I'm getting a little tired of your son anyway.”

“Bite your tongue, Miss.” Jackie joked. “You can't ever get tired of us. You're done too much good for him.”

“I don't know about all that, but I'm not going anywhere. I love him too much.” Alexa replied sincerely. She'd stay for as long as he would have her.

“That's what I like to hear. Now, let's go get ourselves something eat, shall we?”

Outside AJ was puffing away slowly on his cigarette. “She's really beautiful.”

Brian looked down and smiled softly. “Yeah, she really is.”

AJ watched his friend. He couldn't remember the last time that he'd seen him that light and free. “You look happy.”

“I am.” Brian replied, finally looking up at AJ. “I'm completely happy. She makes the world a better place. She's doesn't take my bullshit. She tells me like it is. She doesn't let me feel sorry for myself. She's amazing.”

AJ nodded and couldn't help but to feel slightly jealous. He wanted to find what Brian had found twice. “That's really good man.”

“Yeah, it really is.” Brian sighed happily and looked up at his friend. “So, what's been going on with you? Dating anyone?”

“I've been dating, but have I found anyone special? No, not particularly.” AJ shrugged. “I hang out in the wrong crowds. I need to hanker down in Georgia with you.”

Brian laughed. “You're welcome anytime.”

AJ smiled and took a puff of his cigarette. “So, speaking of Georgia, we've finally got a date for that Atlanta show.”

“Oh yeah?” Brian replied. It was going to be much harder to turn AJ down when he was staring him in the face.

“Yeah. It's January 17.” AJ flicked his almost finished cigarette to the ground. “Do you think that you'll be able to make it?”

“Yeah, you know, I don't think so.” Brian replied jokingly, though he was mostly serious.

“Brian, this isn't about the music or bringing you back. It's about the support of your friends.” AJ stared over at Brian. “We would really like to see you there. You haven't see Nick, or Howie or, hell even Kevin in forever.”

Brian nodded and sighed. He knew that he had to go. What kind of excuse could he possibly give for not showing up to their show when it was minutes from his house. “I know. I'll make every effort to be there. That's all that I can do right now.”

AJ nodded and smiled, knowing that he had Brian. “I'll take it. Now come on, let's go get some grub.”

Brian laughed and followed AJ through the house and into the kitchen where Jackie and Alexa were already sitting at the table eating. Brian walked up behind Alexa, took a quick bite of her sandwich and then kissed her cheek before whispering in her ear, “hey Beautiful, how would you like to go to a Backstreet Boys concert?”

Chapter 18

It was Christmas Eve and the Littrell home was bustling. Aunts, uncles and cousins roamed freely about the house. About an hour earlier, Alexa had gotten the chance to meet another band mate of Brian’s.

Brian’s cousin, Kevin, and Kevin’s wife, Kristin, hadn’t been expected. They were going to be in Kentucky, but had planned to stay at Kevin’s mom’s house throughout the holiday. Apparently, the day before, AJ had called and asked Kevin to stop by—for obvious reasons.

Alexa didn’t really know a Brian other than the one that she saw everyday. Sure, he had his moments, but mostly he was who he had always been—himself—however, to his friends, there was something amazing about having the Brian back that they knew and loved.

Alexa thought that this might have been the entire reason that neither AJ nor Kevin had recognized her. It was true that she had only been in a room with them for a matter of seconds, but it was at their record company. That had to be different than just any average person on the street, didn’t it? Though it was a relief that she had such a relatively forgetful face, part of her didn’t know whether to laugh or to be hurt by how ultimately forgettable that she was.

It looked like now she only had to dodge two more bullets. She had lied so much already anyway. If Nick or Howie did recognize her as Ben’s assistant, couldn’t she just lie to them as well and tell them that they must have her confused with someone else? Would that only make the situation worse? Technically, she wasn’t Ben’s assistant anymore, right? If things really did work out between she and Brian, couldn’t she avoid Ben for the rest of her life? That would be easy if Brian stuck to his guns about not being a Backstreet Boy any longer. Although, Alexa could sense that he was starting to miss it and she doubted that he would stay away from the group forever.

From where Alexa was standing in the kitchen, she could see Brian, AJ, Kevin and Harold outside playing basketball on the driveway. She couldn’t help but to shake her head at the scheming thoughts that were running through her mind. What kind of a relationship is a relationship built on lies?

That’s exactly what she and Brian had—a relationship built on lies. Her feelings for him were true and honest and she hadn’t really done what Ben had asked her to do, except she had knowingly moved in across the street from Brian and she had accepted money from Ben as salary for living there and for talking to Brian. No matter how she tried to spin things, the situation was bad.

Outside, Brian made a shot and high-fived AJ, who was apparently on his team. He looked toward the kitchen window and noticed Alexa peeking out. Brian waved for Alexa to join them outside.

Alexa simply shook her head and motioned for him to have fun and then disappeared from her place at the window.

“He’s a goner.” Kevin teased and patted Brian on the back playfully. “That pretty little smile has put stars in his eyes.”

Brian rolled his eyes and laughed. “Shut up. Can we just play basketball? It’s too cold out here to stand around talking like a bunch of girls.”

“Ooh,” Harold chimed in as he tucked the basketball under his arm. “And he’s defensive, too. Although, having actually spent some time with Alexa, it’s pretty easy for that smile to put stars in anyone’s eyes.”

“Oh, I don’t need to spend any actual time with her to see stars.” Kevin replied as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Hello?” Brian exclaimed. “I’m standing right here and remember your wives, both of you?”

“I don’t have any wife.” AJ chimed in with a smile.

Brian narrowed his eyes at AJ playfully. “Yeah, but you and I have had enough trouble fighting over women in the past. You’d better just watch your step ‘cause I’ll cut you for this one.”

AJ laughed and held his hands out for Harold to check the ball. “We’d better get back to the game before Bernardo takes out his pocketknife.”

Brian laughed and shook his head as AJ passed him the ball and the basketball game continued.

-----

Later, Alexa was sitting on the couch, glad to be distracted by Brian’s Aunt Sarah. The older lady was going on and on about the Christmases of her past, including one Christmas 25 years prior, when Brian was in the hospital suffering from his heart condition.

Though she hated to hear about Brian being on the brink of death, the story served to take her mind off of having to accompany Brian to a Backstreet Boys concert in just three short weeks.

“It was very, very heart-wrenching.” Aunt Sarah continued. “You know, they told Jackie and Harold to plan his funeral.”

Alexa’s eyebrows knitted in confusion and worry. She and Brian hadn’t spoken much about his heart condition. She had just assumed that he was fine. Was he fine? “That’s terrible.” Alexa finally squeaked out.

AJ rushed over to Alexa’s rescue as Aunt Sarah nodded her head and started to go on with her memories of little Brian laid up in a hospital bed. “Merry Christmas, Aunt Sarah.”

“Oh, AJ.” Aunt Sarah replied as she turned to AJ with a smile. “Merry Christmas to you too, Sweetheart.”

“If you don’t mind, I’m going to steal Alexa away from you.” AJ replied, smiling. He planted a kiss on the aging woman’s cheek. “Brian’s been looking all over for her.”

“Yes, yes go ahead.” She replied, waving them off. “We’ve been sitting right here. Sometimes, I think that Brian may just lose his head.”

AJ grabbed Alexa by the wrist. “You may just be right about that.”

Aunt Sarah turned to speak with another eager listener that was sitting nearby as AJ pulled Alexa around the corner to the foyer area.

“Thank you.” Alexa replied gratefully. “She was about to make me cry.”

“No problem.” AJ replied with a gruff laugh. “But you don’t have to worry. Brian’s fine.”

Alexa nodded. “Yeah, she did have me worrying about him. Speaking of, I guess I should go find him if you say that he’s been looking for me.”

AJ laughed again and shook his head. “No, Brian’s still outside with Kevin and Harold battling it out. My lungs can’t take that much physical exertion.”

“Oh,” Alexa replied with a shrug. “Okay then.” She sat down on the empty staircase and AJ sat down next to her.

“So, tell me about yourself.” AJ remarked. “You look so much like someone that I’m supposed to know that we should get to know each other anyway, right?”

“Um. Yeah.” Alexa replied uncomfortably. “What do you want to know?”

“How did you end up here? Where’s your family?” AJ asked while stuffing his hands in his pockets as another relative walked in through the front door sending in a chilling breeze.

“I just have a sister and she’s in Maryland visiting her husband’s family.” Alexa replied with a shrug.

“No parents?” AJ prodded interestedly.

Alexa shook her head. “No parents to speak of.”

“Man deadbeat parents are the worst.” AJ scoffed bitterly.

Alexa nodded. “One deadbeat. The other just dead.”

AJ paled suddenly, feeling like a fool. “I’m going to stick my foot in my mouth now.”

Alexa bumped him lightly with her shoulder and laughed. “It’s okay, but you seem to know about deadbeat parents yourself?”

AJ sighed and nodded. “Yeah. My dad ran out on me. My mom has been around. She traveled with me when I was younger. She was the Backstreet Boys' publicist for a while. Then she partied with her alcoholic son, wrote a book about me and got married. Let’s just say that we aren’t as close as we used to be.”

“Are you the alcoholic son?” Alexa prodded gently.

AJ laughed softly. “Man, you just get right in there don’t you?”

Alexa held her hands up in defense. “Hey, you ‘re the one that said that you wanted to get to know each other.”

“You’re right.” AJ grinned and nodded his head slowly. “And I’m the only son, so I guess that would make me the alcoholic. It had to happen to one of us, right? You don’t get a group of guys together in this sensationalized music industry and expect them all to be angels.”

“No,” Alexa replied. “You don’t, I guess. Not saying that you’re one of these people, but how much of it is brought on purely by not wanting to control one’s self versus not being able to control one’s self?”

“Yeah,” AJ replied, nodding. “It is a lot trendier to go to rehab now. Back when I went, it was a shock to the world. Now, everyone’s like, rehab? Oh, ok.”

“I don’t really know because I’ve never been there, but it seems to take away the validity of rehab for people that actually need it.” Alexa looked over at AJ who was smirking at her. “Sorry, I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“No,” AJ replied, shaking his head. “You’re totally right. How’d you get so smart? Did you ever go to college?”

Alexa sighed and shook her head. “Nope. I have a good private school education though if that makes it better.”

“Hey,” AJ replied, “Who am I to judge? I barely finished high school.”

Just then, Brian approached from down the hall, still holding his basketball between his arm and his side. AJ watched on as Brian and Alexa became mesmerized by each other.

“Hey,” Brian greeted and kissed Alexa softly. “What were you two talking about?”

“Rahab, mostly.” AJ replied with a shrug.

“And about how we’re both a couple of uneducated stupids.” Alexa added as AJ nodded his head beside her.

“Stop it.” Brian replied laughingly as he rolled his eyes. “As intriguing as this conversation sounds, I’m going to have to break it up. My mom wants you in the kitchen AJ. Apparently you’re her best taste-tester.”

“Aw, man, I love your mom.” AJ jumped up quickly and raced down the hall.

Brian sat down next to Alexa and kissed her softly again. “I missed you today.”

Alexa shrugged and smiled. “I’ve been right here. You’re the one who’s been MIA all day.”

“Pfft.” Brian scoffed playfully. “Details.”

“You know, you may be good when you play against those guys, but you haven’t taken me on yet.” Alexa teased as she stole the basketball from Brian’s lap and stood up.

“Oh, you couldn’t handle this, Baby.” Brian replied, standing also and stealing the ball back. “I don’t want to make you cry or anything.”

Alexa rolled her eyes. “Try me.” She then grabbed the ball back from Brian and took off running down the hallway. Brian grabbed her jacket off of the coat rack by the door and followed behind her quickly.

Outside, Alexa tossed the ball to the hoop and missed miserably.

“Here Michael Jordan.” Brian joked, stopping the ball as it rolled to his feet and tossing her the jacket that he pulled off of the coat rack. “It gets a little chilly out here you know.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Alexa replied as she slipped the jacket over her shoulders. “Stop being such a girl and throw the ball.”

Brian laughed and tossed the ball through the net with ease. “2 points.”

Alexa rolled her eyes and caught the ball as it bounced on the driveway. “Whatever. That was a lucky shot.”

Brian walked over to her menacingly. “It was? You think that you can do better?”

Alexa held the ball to her and ran. She got completely situated on a spot that was at an angle and threw the ball. It bounced off the backboard and went into the hoop. “In yo face. Nothin’ but net.”

Brian burst out laughing. “You’re so crazy, ‘nothing but net’ means that it doesn’t hit the backboard.”

Alexa laughed, too. “Okay, so I don’t really know that much about basketball and the only place that I can make a shot is from right here. Besides, I think that you made that up. It’s virtually impossible.”

Brian picked up the ball from the ground and threw it in with ease. “Nothin’ but net.”

Alexa rolled her eyes. “Show off.”

Brian laughed and walked over to her as Alexa backed up. “You’re the one that wanted to play.”

Alexa shrugged and smiled. “I didn’t actually think that you’d be any good. You’re like two feet tall.”

“Oh-ho-ho.” Brian replied, nodding. “Okay. I see how it’s going to be. We’ve got a trash talker.”

“Somethin’ like that.” Alexa laughed and then touched her lips with her forefinger. “But if you kiss me, the insults have no choice but to stay in.”

“That’s a good theory.” Brian replied. He put his arms around her waist and kissed her softly. He felt a sudden shiver run through Alexa’s body. “Are you cold?”

Alexa smiled and spoke breathily. “Something like that.”

Alexa took another step back, stumbling off the driveway. Brian reached out to catch her before she fell, however, they both ended up on the frost covered ground.

“You’re so clumsy.” Alexa said with a smirk.

Brian laughed. “I love how you like to blame everything on me, even when YOU were the one who tripped.”

“Pfft.” Alexa scoffed, taking a cue from Brian. “Details.”

Brian laughed. “So, you want to tell me where we left off before we ended up on the ground?”

Alexa smiled and pointed to her lips. “Right about here.”

A grin spread across Brian's face as he leaned down to kiss his snow covered angel again.

-------

The next morning, Alexa woke up to the smell of bacon cooking that was wafting in from the kitchen. She stretched and rolled over, only to find that the bed next to her was empty. She sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes. As she was stretching again, Brian walked back into the room. He was carrying a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon and pancakes.

“Good morning, Sunshine.” Brian said, smiling as he entered. “I brought you some breakfast. It’s kind of a Christmas tradition.”

“That’s sweet of you.” She leaned up and kissed him softly as he placed the tray over her lap. “Is everyone downstairs waiting for me?”

“No.” Brian replied, stifling the smile that was making its way to his lips. “I’m the only one up so far. Mom and Dad sleep in after the big party on Christmas Eve and AJ is either still at his hotel or he’s at Kevin’s house.”

“You did this?” Alexa replied with a smirk. “I thought you said that it was a tradition?”

“It is.” Brian laughed, stealing a piece of bacon off of her plate. “It’s my tradition.”

“I’ll take it.” Alexa replied, smiling back.

Brian leaned toward her, propping himself up on an elbow, and kissed her softly. “I got you something.”

“Brian!” Alexa exclaimed. “We already exchanged gifts when we were at home. I don’t have anything else for you.”

Brian rolled his eyes and pulled a small box out of the bedside table drawer. “Don’t be silly. I saw this and thought of you. It just… makes sense. Open it.”

Alexa sighed and ran her fingers over the blue felt box. Every girl loved a surprise, right? “Okay.” She untied the red ribbon that held the box shut and then opened the box slowly. It was a simple necklace with a lighthouse charm hanging from the chain. The lighthouse was platinum with one single diamond placed where the light should be.

Brian shrugged, embarrassed. “I know it’s really lame, but I thought it fit. You know, big cliché. You’re my guiding light. You’re the light that guides me through the storm. You’re my way home. Whatever.”

Alexa smiled and ran the charm back and forth through her fingers. “You’re right. It is kind of lame.” She joked with a wink.

Brian rolled his eyes as his cheeks turned pink. “Thanks.”

“BUT!” Alexa replied as she placed a hand gently on his face. “I love it so much. It’s beautiful to have something so simple that can say so much.”

Brian smiled and laced his fingers through hers. He kissed her palm softly and then moved to her lips. “I love you so much.”

Alexa smiled and kissed him softly and then leaned her forehead against his. “I love you, too.”

Brian pushed the tray of food off of Alexa’s lap and then pulled her on top of him. At that moment they didn’t care about where they were or who was around. For a while, they allowed the world to fade into the background.

Brian pulled back and ran his hands down her arms until his fingers laced with hers. He stared intensely into her eyes, knowing at that moment that he wanted to stare into those eyes forever. “Merry Christmas, Beautiful.”

“Merry Christmas, Brian.”

--------

The next few days passed by quickly. New Years Eve was spent at a party at Kevin’s house in Northern Kentucky, followed by a barbeque on New Year’s Day. The following day, January 2, Brian and Alexa began their drive back to Georgia.

They had to make one stop, however, at the airport to drop AJ off for his flight back to California.

They parked in the parking garage and walked AJ though the large airport to the security gate, which is as far as they were allowed to go.

AJ turned around and opened his arms to Brian. “I guess that this is it for now.” AJ said as he wrapped Brian in a hug. “It was really good to see you man.”

Brian sighed nervously, always weary of airports. “Yeah, man. You, too.”

AJ then turned to Alexa and wrapped her in a hug as well. “It was really nice to meet you, friend. Will I see you in a couple weeks?”
Alexa peeked at Brian out of the corner of her eye. “Uh, yeah, I guess you will.”

“Don’t you try to punk out on us, too.” AJ replied, placing a goodbye kiss on her cheek.

“I’ll be there, AJ. Unless this guy kicks me out before then.” Alexa smiled and took Brian’s hand into hers.

“We’ll both be there. We’re going to be the distracting couple in neon colors and flashing lights blowing bullhorns.” Brian replied laughing.

AJ shook his head. “If that will make you show up, then have at it. I need to get out of here before I miss my plane.”

Brian nodded and called after AJ, “call me as soon as you get home!” He sounded like he was joking, but in all actuality, he couldn’t have been more serious. Please God, Brian prayed silently. Let him get home safely.

Alexa squeezed Brian’s hand, causing him to look down at her as if he had forgotten that she was there. “Are you okay?”

“I’m perfect.” Brian smiled and kissed the back of her hand softly. “How about we go back home?”

Alexa nodded. She looked up at the blue travel screen directly in front of her. The flight number of the next flight to Atlanta flashed at her. She smiled and nodded up at the screen. “You sure that you don’t want to fly?”

Brian shot her a look out of the corner of his eye and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “You’re funny, you know that?”

Alexa laughed and wrapped her arm around Brian’s waist as they walked through the airport. Two weeks, Alexa thought to herself. Two weeks until you know what your future holds, Aly. You’d better start praying now.

Brian walked into his house quietly, hoping to surprise Alexa. His fellow Backstreet Boys had arrived to Atlanta earlier that morning for their show that night. Brian had met them for lunch at a local restaurant a couple of hours earlier, but hadn’t expected to be back until right before the concert. He had planned on attending sound check, but when Nick informed him that the crowd was going to be littered with fans, he decided against it and returned home.

When he walked in, Brian heard soft music floating in from upstairs and smiled to himself. Alexa was probably taking a shower. She had the tendency to blare music and sing loudly while bathing. It was unbelievably cute. As he ascended the stairs toward his bedroom, he noticed that the music sounded unbelievably familiar. She was listening to the Backstreet Boys.

Brian flung the door opened to his room and found Alexa lying on the bed tapping her toe to one of their older songs, “Get Down.”

Alexa sat up quickly when she saw Brian step through the doorway. “What are you doing here?”

“Well,” Brian replied, smirking at how pink her cheeks were. “It’s obvious that you didn’t expect me, that’s for sure. What are you listening to?”

“I’m going to my first Backstreet Boys concert, Brian.” Alexa argued. “I have to be able to sing along.”

Brian laughed and shook his head. “Well, Sweetheart, I can PROMISE you that this song will NOT be sung tonight.”

Alexa tilted her head and sighed. “So, you never break out the oldies, huh?”

“I have nothing to do with it anymore, remember?” Brian laughed and walked over to the stereo, mindlessly flipping through the stack of CDs that were placed next to it. “But even if I did, ‘Get Down’ is not one of the songs that I would choose to sing. Where did you even find these?”

Alexa shrugged. “They were stashed away in the closest in a box marked ‘as close to death as a person can come.’ Were you having a dark day that day?”

Brian chuckled. “There was no box that said that.”

Alexa grinned. “I guess it’s just your word against mine. You know, there are a couple of songs on here that I really love. You want to hear them?”

Brian rolled his eyes and smiled. “Here we go. Yeah, let’s hear them.”

She scanned back a few tracks on the album and Brian immediately noticed the intense boom of the bass as the song started.

Alexa began to sing along as A.J.’s young voice filled the air. “You’ve got something/so incredible in my eyes/my heart starts pumping/whenever you’re around/my whole world's upside down baby.”

She danced around aimlessly as Brian’s part in the song began to play. Brian leaned against his mahogany dresser and shoved his hands into his pockets. Watching her tease him was rather amusing.

“I always gotta make a play/ohh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh/ohh-oh-oh-oh-oh/Boys will be boys.” Alexa continued to sing, then stopped and looked over at Brian with a smirk. “You were a bunch of dirty boys, weren’t you? So, tell me, were you advocating date rape in this song or what?”

Brian shook his head and continued grinning. “You got me. Are you quite finished yet?”

“Oh, Baby.” Alexa replied with a smile. “I’ve just begun.”

She picked up the second CD from the stack and placed it in the CD player. She scrolled down to track number 11. Brian groaned as the opening lines of “If You Want it to be Good Girl” blared through the speakers. He slapped his hand to his forehead. “Can I just be the first to say that I completely agree with you on this one?”

Alexa laughed as she danced around Brian only stopping to sing along when his part in the song began. “And if you want to get it done/then you gotta get the one/the one who’s got it goin’ on/ and if you wanna make it last/gotta know just who to ask/babe it’s got to be the best.”

She broke down laughing as Brian glared at her playfully.

“Are you finished mocking my career yet?” Brian remarked, feigning annoyance.

“Aw,” She responded, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Did I hurt your feelings?”

“Yeah, a little bit, you did.” Brian laughed and looked away from her, still pretending to be annoyed.

Alexa pushed him. “Well whatever. Get used to it.”

Brian laughed and pulled her to him, tickling her sides gently. “Get used to it, huh? How about you get used to it.”

Alexa wiggled away, out of breath from her bout of laughter. “Do you want to hear an old one that I actually do like?”

“I don’t know, do I?” Brian replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Yeah, you do.” She walked back over to the stereo and scrolled back to track number 5. The opening bars of “That’s the Way I Like it” began to play.

“Are you serious?” Brian replied, laughing. “Out of every song you picked this one? I expected a ballad or something.”

Alexa danced her way back over to where Brian was standing and began to sing along again. “Somebody told me that you’re not my kind so have I lost my mind/you keep on doing all those things I like/you’ve got me hypnotized, but that’s the way I like it!”

Brian laughed as she grabbed his hands and attempted to make him dance with her. By the time that his verse had come along, he had given in and was dancing along beside her. He twirled her around and grabbed her waist as he began to sing along. “Hey Mystery lady/you’ve got something I like/tell me you’re hear to stay/you’re dangerous/oh baby could you do me right/will you come out to play/Cuz that’s the way I like it.”

Alexa laughed and turned back around. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly. “You’re amazing.”

Brian smiled and kissed her back. “You’re more amazing.”

“How was your lunch?” She asked as she pulled away from him and walked over to the stereo to shut the music off.

“It was good. We actually have to leave here in an hour or so. Nick and Howie are excited to meet you.”

Alexa nervously wiped her hands against her jeans. “Yeah, me too.”

“Are you okay?” Brian asked, sensing that she was growing nervous.

“I’m good. Two more to go, right?” Alexa walked over and attempted to smile. “I guess after my Backstreet-induced workout that I should get into the shower, huh?”

“Yeah,” Brian replied playfully. “Because you pretty much stink.”

Alexa rolled her eyes. “Well, you know. I was going to ask you to join me, but since I smell so badly-”

Brian grinned, scooped her up in his arms and walked toward the bathroom. “We’ll just lather you up really good.”

Alexa laughed as he made his way across the room to the bathroom. He turned on the water, put her fully-clothed into the running stream and then stepped in behind her. As the water cascaded down her face he pressed his mouth against hers, pulled her shirt over her head and swung the shower curtain closed.

------

Over an hour later, Brian and Alexa walked through the security gate with ease. Ever since she and Brian had stepped out of the shower, Alexa had been overcome with panic. Here she was, in the lion’s den. It was almost as if she wished to get caught; although, how could she have told him that she wasn’t going to go? Not to mention the fact that not only was she pressured by Brian, but Kevin and AJ were after her to attend the show also--except she kind of thought that was only because they expected that Brian wouldn’t have gone alone.

This was Brian’s first Backstreet related function without his wife, but he seemed fine. Admittedly, Brian thought about Hayden all the time. He thought about the past. He thought about the good times. He thought about the bad times, too. However, he caught himself wishing less and less that she was there and in fact, if he had wished for Hayden to be around, it was mostly because he thought that she really would have loved Alexa.

As the couple approached the dressing room door, they stopped. Brian squeezed Alexa’s hand gently. “Are you ready for the madness?”

“Like I said before,” Alexa replied with a sigh. “Two more to go.”

Brian kissed her softly before opening the door and letting himself into the dressing room. The room was bustling with people. Make-up artists were applying foundation. Costume designers were fixing hems. In the middle of it all stood Brian, who was used to this world, and Alexa, who was clinging to Brian for dear life.

Through the vanity mirror, Nick spotted Brian and Alexa walk in. “Hey!” He greeted, standing from his spot on the black director’s chair that was donned with his name. “You’re late.”

“What do you mean, we’re late? The show doesn’t start for another 30 minutes.” Brian replied.

“Yeah, but you know how busy it gets in here up until then.” Nick replied and pulled Brian into one of those ‘manly hugs.’ He then peeked at Alexa. “And who’s this?”

Brian placed his hand on the small of Alexa’s back and ushered her forward. “This is Alexa, my girlfriend.” Brian beamed proudly.

Alexa extended her hand and Nick willingly shook it. “It’s really great to meet you. We’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Thanks. I’ve heard a lot about you, too.” Alexa breathed a sigh of relief. For the time being, she had dodged another bullet.

“So, how did you and Brian meet?” Nick asked pulling Alexa along as the makeup artist pulled Nick back to the chair.

Alexa laughed and waved goodbye to Brian.

Brian smirked, knowing that Alexa was in good hands. He scanned the room and finally spotted Kevin, AJ and Howie sitting in the back of the room talking quietly. He walked over and nodded a greeting at the trio.

“What’s up, Man?” AJ asked, moving over so that Brian could sit down next to him on the brown leather sofa that adorned the room. “Where’s Alexa?”

Brian nodded over to where Nick was sitting at the vanity table. “Nick stole her away.”

Howie stood quickly. “I guess I should go introduce myself, too.”

As Howie walked away, AJ and Kevin exchanged glances nervously, then Kevin sighed.

“What?” Brian asked, smirking to himself.

“How likely are you to agree to come onstage and sing a couple of songs with us? Just for the night?” Kevin asked blankly.

“Uh, I would say slim to none.” Brian nodded. “Yep, slim to none.”

“But there’s a chance?” AJ followed up.

“Maybe, but I wouldn’t count on it. Why?” Brian asked, nervously. He had expected them to ask, but he was also expecting his ‘no’ to be much more convincing than it was, even to himself.

“No real reason.” Kevin replied, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, you’re here. You’ve sung a lot of these songs for years. We don’t want to pressure you, but you know? It would be nice to have you up there for at least one song.”

“Like I said,” Brian repeated. “I wouldn’t count on it.”

“So, how about you give us some kind of gesture or something if you change your mind.” AJ prodded. He really wanting Brian back in the group. This was their comeback, ultimately, and what were they coming back to without all five of them there?

Brian sighed, knowing that he wasn’t going to change his mind. However, he nodded to appease AJ and Kevin. “If I change my mind, you’ll know it.”

Kevin nodded his head. “Good.”

Just then, the stage manager walked in. “10 minutes to show time guys, we need you backstage.”

Kevin and AJ stood. “I guess that’s our cue.” AJ replied. “Literally.”

Brian nodded and stood as well. “Yeah, good luck guys. Alexa and I will be watching from back here, so we’ll see you in a few. I need to tear her away from Nick and Howie.”

Kevin and AJ nodded and proceeded to leave the room as Brian walked over to where Alexa was still sitting with Nick and Howie, who were in no rush to leave. “Uh, I think that you guys had better go. AJ and Kevin are going to start the show without you.”

Howie stood up. “He’s right Nick. The lights are probably about ready to go down. It was nice talking to you Alexa.”

“Aw, come on.” Nick retorted. “Alexa was just getting ready to tell us all about your Backstreet pre-game this afternoon.”

Brian laughed. “Well, then, I guess that I’m glad that you need to get to work.”

Nick grumbled as he grabbed his jacket and left the room.

“Backstreet pre-game, huh?” Brian remarked with a smirk. “Haven’t you ever heard of discretion?”

Alexa laughed and raised her shoulders. “My bad?”

Brian laughed, too. He took her hand gently into his and kissed it softly. “You ready for the real Backstreet party?”

Alexa smiled and nodded, feeling relieved. Luckily, the impression that she’d made on the Backstreet Boys had been completely non-withstanding, which in this case, was completely okay in Alexa’s book. Although, they weren’t in Ben’s office. Maybe it was a change of venue reaction? Does that mean that as long as she stayed away from their business that she’d be okay?

Brian helped her up out of the chair that she was sitting in and led her out of the room. They took their place on the side of the stage just as the Boys began to sing ‘Everybody.’

Alexa stood at Brian’s side and watched as he bobbed his head and mouthed along with the words. Whether he admitted it or not, he wanted to be on stage with his friends. The crowd screamed in a frenzy, every time that Nick said the word, “sexual.” The dance moves were flawless, almost as if they had never stopped touring in the first place.

Alexa visually scanned the crowd. Some fans were jumping up and down, some were singing along and others were practically in tears from seeing ‘their boys’ for the first time after so many years. It was an enlightening experience. Though she teased him about being in a boyband, Alexa would never take away from Brian’s beautiful singing voice or the impact that his music had on people’s lives, but seeing that impact right in front of her eyes was so amazing. A pang of hurt shot through Alexa as she realized that Brian wasn’t there with his friends, basking in the glory of their success. She laced her fingers through his and for a moment, thought about pushing him onto the stage. Instead, she leaned against his shoulder.

Throughout the concert, the Boys sang their old hits and threw in some songs that were potentially going to be on the next album. AJ kept stealing glances back at Brian. When they caught each other’s eyes, Brian simply shook his head, ‘no.’

When the Boys needed to slow down for a bit, a set of stools were brought onto the stage. From their seated position, they sang “I’ll Never Break Your Heart” and “Show me the Meaning of Being Lonely.” Then, they added a new song that was titled, “Lose it all.”

Alexa swayed to the melody of the ballad.

After the first chorus, Kevin began to sing. “Don’t change a thing/you’re perfect as you are/time has a way/time is all I’ve got/and if my heart should shatter watching you/that’d be one less thing that I’d have to prove.”

Brian searched out Alexa’s hand and squeezed it tightly as the group began to sing in unison. “And if I lose it all/they’ll be nothing left to lose/and I will take the fall/Cuz knowing you are out there breathing is so wonderful/It’s the chance I take even if I break/and I lose it all/if I lose it all/it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

Tears began to brim in the corners of Alexa’s eyes. The song rang true to her own heart. She had Brian now and she had vowed to take this chance with him. It wouldn’t matter if she took the chance and ended up hurt, because she started with nothing. She had nothing left to lose. She had done some stupid things to get where she was, but Brian didn’t really have anything to lose either. Maybe he was more understanding than she thought that he could be, maybe love really did conquer all? That is unless the other party starts to believe that all of their ‘love’ was built on a lie.

These were the thoughts that plagued her daily. She should have just told him the truth, but she was so afraid of losing him that she didn’t take the chance.

The concert began to wind down about an hour later. Alexa found herself to be disappointed that it was almost over.

The Boys were just ending “Larger than Life” and AJ was thanking the crowd. He continued to glance back at Brian. They had one song left; this was Brian’s last chance to join them.

AJ nodded to Brian to join the other’s on the stage. Brian knew what song was left. It was their biggest hit, “I Want it That Way.” He jammed his hands into his pockets and jiggled the coins that had taken rest there earlier in the day.

Brian let go of Alexa’s hand and wrapped his arm around her. He kissed the top of her head. “They’re not so bad, huh?”

“They’re great, actually.” Alexa replied, smiling up at him. “You’re great, too, you know. It wouldn’t be bad of you if you wanted to join them.”

Brian shook his head. “You’re the third person to make that suggestion to me tonight.”

Alexa shrugged. “I’ve seen the looks between you and AJ. Brian, look at me.”

Brian turned and looked down at her.

“Go. You’ve been mouthing the words to the songs all night anyway. Just take the leap. It’s okay. No one’s going to judge you. Everyone is rooting for you.” Alexa smiled and repeated the word one last time, barely above a whisper. “Go.”

Brian swallowed hard. It was now or never. He had the chance. He could go join his friends. He could join them for tonight. He could join them for forever. It all started with one step.

AJ looked back at Brian and widened his eyes, waiting for a final response. Brian nodded. It was time to sing again.

AJ grinned wildly almost unable to contain his excitement. His brother was back. “We’ve got one more treat for you.” AJ added to the crowd. The other Backstreet Boys looked at him, not knowing of the interaction that had just occurred between him and Brian. “We have someone special that’s been backstage this whole time, except he’s been battling a bit of stage fright.”

Brian laughed and shook his head.

A rumbling murmur rang through the crowd. They knew—Brian was there.

“So, why don’t you all help us in welcoming Rok back to the stage to help us sing our last song?” AJ continued.

Alexa gave Brian’s hand one last squeeze. “Good luck.”

Brian felt as if his feet were made of stone. He was grateful when he felt Alexa’s hand on his back giving him a gentle push to get his feet moving.

The crowd erupted into screams. The fan-frenzy reached epic proportions.

Tears were brought to Brian’s eyes. He had never realized the amount of support and love that he really did have from his fans. He also didn’t know how he could ever think that he could just walk away from it all—the fans, the music, his brothers.

Hugs were shared between Brian and the other four men. Though they had seen each other just moments before, they all knew what a huge step this was for Brian. They knew how far he had come in the little while that they had been recording without him.

They took a minute on stage to tune and re-harmonize with each other now that Brian was joining them. A couple of minutes later, the begin chords of “I Want it That Way” began to play.

Alexa stood back excitedly as she watched Brian light up the stage. He sang beautifully. It was as if he had been recording with the others all along. She could see how happy he was to be up on stage. There would be no stopping him now. He had caught the Backstreet bug.

As the song ended, the fans were still chanting choruses of, “Backstreet Boys! Backstreet Boys!” and “We love you Brian!”

The five men huddled in the middle of the stage knowing that they had to give them one more song. At Brian’s suggestion, they all looked at him as if he was crazy.

“Why that one?” Nick asked with his eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“It’s an oldie, but goodie.” Brian replied, then held his hands up, “Hey, what say do I have, this is your group.”

Kevin grabbed his cousin’s shoulder. “No, Brian. We’ve always just been waiting for you to decide that the time was right.”

The others nodded in agreement.

“Okay. We’ll sing that.” AJ replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

Kevin hurried to talk to the band and get them copies of the old sheet music. Within minutes, the bass line of the song began. They stood in their old formation on the stage, hoping that the music would bring the moves back.

“That’s the way I like it!” They belted out and began to move with ease.

On the side of the stage, Alexa laughed hysterically and shouted like a teenybopper. “Whooo!”

They danced through their bobbles and sang the words convincingly. The entire time, the group was having a blast. It was what the music was supposed to be about. For the first time in years, they were all on the stage together, having the time of their lives.

As the song ended, they bowed to the crowd’s massive applause and cheers and then hurried off the stage. Brian ran right over to Alexa and wrapped his arms around her, twirling her around.

“You were amazing.” Alexa said, kissing his sweaty cheek. “And thanks for the shout-out, though no one knew it but me and you.”

Brian laughed. “I think the others knew, too.”

“So,” Alexa replied, smiling. “Does this mean that you’re a Backstreet Boy again?”

Brian shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, I really loved it, but they’ve done so much for the album and it’s a lot—touring, promotion. I won’t ever be home.”

“Brian.” Alexa said, giving him a blank look. “If you think for one second that I’m buying this, you’re smoking crack.”

Brian sighed and nodded. “I hadn’t been able to admit it to myself, but you saw me up there. There’s no denying it now, right? I do want it.”

“Then, Baby,” Alexa replied cheekily. “Let’s go get it.”

Brian took her hand and led her back to the dressing room, where the other boys were waiting.

As they walked in, everyone was talking excitedly about the show, about Brian coming back, about which songs they would need to re-record. Alexa, however, stopped dead in her tracks. Across the room, sitting in the chair that Nick had sat in earlier that day, was Ben. His right leg was crossed over his left and he was smirking at her victoriously. Alexa was wondering, of everything that she thought could happen, how did she not see this one coming?

Beside her, Brian was grinning happily. He was turned talking to an older band member that had been with them since the beginning.

Alexa tugged on his hand, trying to get his attention. “B-Brian, I-I need to go to the restroom.”

“Yeah, sure, it’s just around the corner. You okay?” He asked, glancing down at her worriedly.

She nodded and squeezed his hand before slipping out the door. She jogged down the hallway, but didn’t make it far before she head someone calling her name.

“Alexa,” Ben called from behind her. “Alexa?”

Alexa didn’t stop until Ben caught up with her and grabbed her arm. He swung her around violently.

“What do you want?” Alexa asked nervously.

“I want you to listen to me when I call you, first of all.” Ben spat. Fire was radiating from his eyes.

“I don’t work for you anymore.” Alexa replied, staring right back at him.

Ben’s expression softened. “That’s right. Legally, you don’t. However, you kind of did what I asked you to anyway. Life works out funny like that sometimes.”

“So what are you going to do now?” Alexa replied, forcing the tears that were trying to escape down to her throat. “Are you going to tell him everything? Ruin my life and his?”

Ben laughed to himself throatily. “I should, shouldn’t I? And I would, except now, Brian’s talking about re-signing his contract and coming back to work. If I tell him our little plan, I’ll never get him back.”

“No. This was never OUR plan.” Alexa argued. “This was your plan.”

“What difference does that make?” Ben replied, still smiling creepily. “You went along with it, didn’t you?”

“No, not really and you know that! Why can’t you just leave well enough alone?” The tears were finally escaping Alexa’s eyelids. “Just let Brian be happy. Let me be happy.”

Ben laughed to himself. “This isn’t about Brian’s happiness. I love Brian to death. He’s like my son. This is about loyalty. To me. And you apparently don’t have any.”

Alexa scoffed at the irony of his statement. “You are bat shit crazy, Ben.”

Ben glared at her and released his grip on her arm, pushing her backwards. “It was nice to see you again, Alexa. Enjoy your time with Brian.”

With that, Ben walked away without a second glance back. Alexa ran to the bathroom and splashed her face with cold water. This can’t be happening. She thought to herself hysterically. I knew it was going to come eventually, but it can’t be happening now.

She sat on the dirty bathroom floor and let the tears roll down her face. After she knew that she had been gone for a while and that Brian was going to start to get worried, she grabbed her make-up case out of her purse and tried her best to cover up the puffiness of her face.

When she stepped out of the bathroom, another set of hands grabbed her. She was pulled down the hall and shoved into a maintenance closet. He reached up and pulled the chain above their heads to turn on the light.

For a second, Alexa was relieved that it was only AJ. Then, she looked into his eyes. He was furious. He pushed her back into the blue steel door and whispered harshly, “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t go back to Brian and tell him exactly who you really are.”

Tears ran down Alexa’s face as she stared into AJ’s icy glare. “I don’t know what you mean.” She responded, softly.

"Like hell you don’t know what I mean.” AJ replied, forcing her back against the blue steel door once again. “I heard everything Alexa. It’s stunning that I didn’t recognize you, because to be honest, when I saw you in Ben’s office that day, I was blown away. I knew you looked so damn familiar.”

 “If you heard the whole conversation, then you should know that it’s not like Ben made it out to be.” Alexa sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Listen, you have every right in the world to tell Brian whatever you want to tell him, but please just let me explain.”

AJ stepped back and shot a stone-cold look in her direction. “You’ve got about 30 seconds.”

Alexa sighed, attempting to regain her composure. “When you all came in for your meeting that day, Ben was rather shocked that after all this time Brian was still mourning his wife. So, he came up with this ridiculous scheme that since he and I had similar losses, although not really, that I should move in across the street from him and try to be his friend, talk to him, get him to open up—in all honesty, I don’t really know how he wanted me to do it, but he wanted Brian to sing again. I told him no originally, but you have to understand that I’m not as well-off as all of you are. I pretty much have the clothes on my back at this point-”

“This story had better be getting good, because at this point, it really just sounds like you’re telling me that you’re using Brian for money and in my book, that’s pretty shitty.” AJ argued.

“Would you just let me finish?” Alexa responded, though she knew that she was in no position to have an attitude with him.

AJ nodded, signaling for her to continue.

“The simple fact of the matter is that I never planned for this to happen. I didn’t come here expecting to even talk to Brian. My friend decided that we should try to take advantage of Ben’s offer—live for free in a nice house in Georgia, get paid without having to be Ben’s slave, but something happened, AJ.” Alexa paused as her lip began to tremble. “I did talk to him and I fell in love with him. I love everything about him and this Jive thing has been making me crazy with guilt. I wanted to tell him, but I don’t know how.”

AJ shook his head slowly and then punched the door inches from Alexa’s head. “You’ve put me in such a bad place, you know that? As a friend, I feel like I should tell Brian what I know, but then after the night that he just had, I don’t want to ruin it all for him. He loves you so much and now—I just don’t know.”

“AJ, you’ve seen us together. You know how we feel about each other. I couldn’t make those feelings up. Not to mention the fact that I quit Jive months ago, before Brian and I were even an official couple.” She wiped the fresh set of tears that were dripping down her face with the back of her hand. “If you need to tell him, I can understand that, but please just know that my feelings for him are real.”

AJ shoved his hands into his pockets and sighed. “I do know that, which makes this harder. If he finds out, it’s going to kill him and it’s going to break you two apart and after everything that man has been through, I can’t be the one to do that to him.”

Alexa nodded understandingly. “You’re completely right. I’ll tell him tonight, when we get back to his house. I promise. This isn’t your burden.”

AJ grabbed Alexa’s arm as she turned to leave the room. He sighed as Alexa looked back at him sadly. He cleared his throat. “Keep your mouth shut for a while. I’m going to talk to Ben and get him to keep his mouth shut too, but I swear to God Alexa, you had better love that man with everything that you have inside of you and make him happier than he’s ever been. Don’t make me regret this.”

“But, why?” Alexa stammered. “I-I mean, what changed your mind?”

“Love.” AJ responded simply. “It’s hard to find and even though it was a shady way to get here, you and Brian have found it. You make him happy. I can’t take that away—as long as it’s really you that’s making him happy and not some fake version of you.”

Alexa threw her arms around AJ’s neck. “Thank you so much, AJ. You won’t regret this, I promise. I do love him so much.”

AJ nodded and looked down to his feet. “I know, now get out of here. He’s probably getting worried about you. I’ll hang back for a minute.”

Alexa slipped out the door and down the hall. Meanwhile, AJ stayed in the maintenance room and banged his head against the door lightly. Why did I have to smoke right at that very minute? He sighed as he slid down the door. He sat on the floor and placed his head in his hands. Don’t make me regret this Alexa.

-------

Every day, Alexa walked around Brian’s house in nervous anticipation. She was waiting for the other shoe to drop. AJ was going to come to his senses and tell Brian everything. She was always waiting for her cell phone to ring or for her to arrive home to all of her things being strewn about the yard.

Today, Brian had asked her to run to the grocery store to pick up a few things. It was a little bit random, but since the concert, he had been busy making plans to start recording. Sometime within the next few weeks, he would be traveling to New York to sign a new contract with Jive. Alexa had agreed to go with him, since it was her hometown, but only if he agreed to fly, which after some argument, he did. He said that he wanted to see where she lived and where she hung out and what her life in New York had been about. She had news for him though, it hadn’t been about much.

When Alexa had arrived back home, there was a black rental car sitting in the driveway. She didn’t remember Brian telling her that they were expecting anyone. A thousand scenarios began racing through her mind. Was it Ben? Had AJ flown in? Had someone else seen what had gone down behind the scenes at the concert venue weeks before?

Alexa grabbed her bags out of the backseat of the car and nervously made her way through the door. Brian, who had apparently seen her pull up, was waiting at the entrance to the foyer.

“Hey,” He greeted, grabbing the plastic bags from her hands. “You’re back.”

“Did you expect me to stay away?” Alexa joked, though she recognized that he was acting strangely.

“No, no.” Brian replied, and then cleared his throat. “I kind of have a surprise for you.”

Alexa knitted her eyebrows in confusion. “Ohh-kay, what kind of surprise?”

Brian set the grocery bags down at his feet and took her hands into his. “There’s someone waiting for you in the living room. I just want you to be open-minded.”

“Brian,” Alexa replied, trying to crack a smile. “You’re freaking me out. What’s going on?”

“I called your mom.” Brian replied blankly. “And she’s here.”

“You did what?!” Alexa yelled, unable to control herself. “You had no right, Brian.”

“Look,” Brian replied calmly. He had known that she was going to be upset. “We made a deal remember? I join the Backstreet Boys, you talk to your mother?”

“That was a joke.” Alexa scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“It was only a joke when you thought that there’d be no way in hell that I’d join the group again,” Brian remarked defensively. He then closed his eyes and inhaled, attempting to regain his composure. “Listen, I flew her in from Chicago. She really wants to see you. Can you just give her a chance? For me?”

Alexa sighed and shook her head. She glanced into his pleading eyes and sighed. “Fine, I’ll give her a chance, but you owe me.”

Brian smiled and kissed her softly. He took her hand gently in his and led her to the living room.

Caroline Kessler, Alexa’s mother, stood when she saw Alexa enter the room. The picture that Alexa had found on the Internet had to be of this woman from years before. Now, her skin was wrinkled, her hair was ragged and her nails were yellowing from years of smoking cigarettes. Alexa was glad to know that she didn’t resemble this woman that much after all.

When Alexa didn’t say anything, Caroline's hand flew to her mouth shakily.

Alexa rolled her eyes. This broad must have attended some low-budget acting classes before she got here, Alexa thought to herself.

“Oh, Alexa.” Caroline remarked, when all Alexa did was stand there, staring at her estranged mother. “You’re beautiful.”

Alexa attempted a tight smile, but stepped back when the woman reached in for a hug. “No.” She shook her head. “What are you doing here?”

Brian could feel how tense Alexa was. He rubbed her back gently and felt her loosen up slightly. He looked back and forth between the two women. Maybe this really was a bad idea?

“Alexa, I was so excited when Brian said that you had found my number. I want to get to know you. I’ve wasted so much time.” Caroline replied.

Alexa rolled her eyes. “That’s the understatement of the year considering that it’s been oh, almost 25 years.”

“I’m not expecting you to fall blindly into my arms, but just take a walk around the block with me. Let’s get to know each other.” Caroline suggested softly.

Though Alexa was starting to let her guard down, there was something strange about the situation. Something didn’t feel right. She shrugged. “Yeah, let’s take a walk.” Alexa gestured for Caroline to lead the way, then fell into step behind her toward the door. She stopped when Brian grabbed her hand.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Brian asked softly, rubbing the back of her hand gently with his thumb.

She shook her head. “I should do this alone.”

Brian nodded and stuffed his hands into his pockets. He watched helplessly as Alexa walked out the door behind Caroline.

The two women walked in silence for minutes, though to Alexa it felt like a lifetime. She hated to be put into such an awkward position. This woman had given up her rights to Alexa when she was a teenager. She had left Alexa alone in the world when her father had died and now, she expected some kind of a relationship? It just didn’t seem real. Alexa knew that Brian meant well, but this was almost too much to handle. Could this possibly be a form of punishment sent from the heavens?

“So,” Alexa finally broke the silence. “What are you really doing here? Why now? I mean, it’s been this long. You didn’t want me before. Why would you want me now?”

Caroline sighed and turned to her daughter. “Let’s not be a drama queen, Alexa. You’ve have a much better life because I wasn’t there. Look around you. I could never give you all of this.”

Alexa narrowed her eyes at the older version of herself. “Okay, so now at least I know that the doting mother thing was only an act for Brian. By the way, I don’t have any of this. It’s Brian’s. When daddy died, I never had a chance, especially when my mother signed me away to the state, not that she was ever much of a mother to begin with.”

Caroline rolled her eyes. “When are you going to grow up, Alexa? When your father killed himself, you were already sixteen years old and capable of taking care of yourself. What did I know about raising a teenager, especially one that was going to have obvious emotional trauma after her father shot himself. What was I supposed to do?”

Alexa looked over at this strange woman. She was flabbergasted. What was this woman doing here? “You’re my mother. You were supposed to try. You were supposed to stick around. That’s not that hard to figure out.”

“I’m here now, aren’t I?” Caroline responded. “Isn’t the saying that it’s better late than never?”

“See,” Alexa replied, shaking her head. “That’s what I’m still wondering. What are you doing here? Ever since we got out here, you’ve been nothing but a cold-hearted bitch. You surely don’t sound like you want to start any kind of a relationship.”

Caroline clenched her jaw and shook her head. “I’ve never been the warmest person, but I am who I am and I’m unapologetic in being so. I’m here. I’m willing to get to know you and that’s all that I can offer. I’ve been in some bad places in my life. You could learn from my experiences.”

“Then please, enlighten me.” Alexa mocked. She shoved her hands into her pockets, only wanting to go back home and leave this stranger here on the street.

“Do you even want to know my reasoning behind why I left your father with you girls in the first place?” Caroline asked, sounding exasperated herself.

“Sure, Mom,” Alexa responded bitterly. “Why don’t you tell me?”

Caroline sighed, “Although, you sound completely uninterested, I’m going to tell you anyway. I was in a bad place. I was raised in a world much like you were—as a rich girl, a socialite. Drugs, parties—it was all a way of life. It was a way of life that I was unable to give up.”

“First of all,” Alexa broke in. “I didn’t grow up in that world. I had a parent who cared enough to tell me ‘no.’ Secondly, I don’t see where you’re going with this. I don’t get how I’m supposed to be sympathetic to your cause.”

“Maybe you aren’t supposed to be sympathetic, but at least I’m being honest. We all make mistakes. I don’t think that they should be held over our heads for the rest of our lives. I’m trying to make up for my mistakes now.”

Alexa couldn’t argue with her there.  Would it be hypocritical of her not to forgive her mother for the things that she had done to her for her entire life, yet expect Brian to fall blindly into her arms after she came clean to him about her past indiscretions? Probably so.

Alexa shrugged. “You’re right. We all make mistakes, but Caroline, you didn’t even show up to Daddy’s funeral. You even left Brooke and I alone for that. I mean, Brooke was 18, I was 16, how could you justify that to yourself no matter how messed up you were?”

“That’s the thing, Alexa.” Caroline responded. “You don’t understand because you’ve never been there. To be in that place, where you are so dependent on physical substances—you lose control; you lose judgement.”

Alexa shook her head slowly. “I guess that I can understand that. It doesn’t make it right, but at least I can understand.”

“So, then, let’s start over like adults. Let’s learn about each other. Tell me how you met Brian.” Caroline changed the subject, jumping right into the personal.

“Um,” Alexa started. Though she was becoming less guarded, she was still uncomfortable talking about her person life. “I lived across the street. It’s kind of a long story.”

“Are you going to get married?” Caroline prodded quickly.

“I-I don’t know.” Alexa stammered. “We haven’t been together that long.”

“And you’re already living with him?” Caroline responded, looking proud. “Good girl.”

“What?” Alexa exclaimed, not knowing how their conversation how gotten here. “I’m just staying with him for a while. We don’t live together.”

By this time, they had made their way around the block and were now standing in front of Brian’s house. “I need a smoke. Why don’t you go inside and get some cash from Brian and take your old mom out to dinner.”

Alexa narrowed her eyes at the woman in confusion. “Um, I’m pretty sure at Brian was going to offer to take you out to dinner already, but I don’t walk around with my hand out.”

“Well, you should.” Caroline responded, taking a puff off of her cigarette. “He’s got a good thing here, make him pay for it.”

“What?” Alexa exclaimed again. This woman was so up and down with the crazy that Alexa could no longer keep up.

“Listen, I need to ask you a favor.” She responded, ignoring the astonished look on Alexa’s face.  “I’m kind of down and out right now. I was telling Brian earlier that I really want to buy a house in this area, but the thing is—I kind of need a loan. I’m working my life out. I’ve got myself together, but I have no savings—no nothing. I need some help getting back on my feet.”

Alexa’s mouth hung open as she listened to this woman, supposedly her mother, asking her for loan. This was a woman that she hadn’t seen in over 24 years; a woman who had given her up with the click of a pen; a woman who had actually started to have Alexa feel sorry for her. “I cannot believe this.” Alexa finally replied, shaking her head. She held up a finger. “Just one minute, okay? Wait here.”

Alexa walked into Brian’s house and closed the door calmly. She walked into the living room with long strides. Brian was there pacing back and forth in front of the television. “Where is the bitch's shit, Brian?”

Brian was taken aback for a moment. It wasn’t like Alexa to speak that way, even when she was her angriest. “What happened?”

“Where is her stuff? Her purse? Her keys? Whatever she brought with her, show me.” Alexa demanded.

Brian leaned over the couch and picked up Caroline’s keys and black leather purse tentatively.

The purse was Chanel—and it was real. How dare this woman ask her for money? Alexa snatched the purse and keys from Brian and walked calmly over to the door. She took a deep breath before slinging the door opened and throwing Caroline’s things out onto the lawn. She didn’t care how she looked to her neighbors or to anyone else that was watching. She never wanted to see this woman ever again.

“Take your purse, take your keys and stay out of my life. You are a vile hag of a woman and I hate the fact that I was ever birthed from your loins.” Alexa screamed, forcing back the tears that were threatening to spill over her eyelids. “I never want to see you again.”

“You ungrateful little bitch.” Caroline spat back. “How dare you treat my things that way? I am your mother. I asked for your help! I-”

Alexa slammed the door, not letting her finish. She then turned to lean against the wooden door heavily. The tears that were brimming at her eyelids finally spilled over onto her cheeks.

Brian walked over to her slowly. He placed his hands around her arms and gently rubbed up and down her soft skin. “Baby,” He cooed softly. “What happened?”

Alexa shrugged away from his touch, irrationally furious at him for putting her in that position. “You never should have called that awful woman, Brian.”

“Alexa, I was trying to help.” Brian defended, though he felt horribly about the position that he had put her in.

“Yeah?” Alexa responded. “Well a lot of help it did. My family isn’t like yours, Brian. We aren’t the Huxtibles. We never will be. Once you accept that, you’ll be better off. Take that from someone who knows.”

Brian watched as Alexa tore away from him and stormed up the stairs. He knew that he needed to give her some time to cool down, but he couldn’t help wanting to chase after her. He hated that his actions had hurt her so badly. For a while, she had seemed to want to get in touch her mother.  It seemed like she wanted to reach out to her, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. He had been trying to help.

Brian ran his hands through his hair and sighed softly. Men should just know better than trying to read a woman’s thoughts, Brian, He thought to himself. You know that. He walked over to the couch and flopped down onto the cushions, hoping that Alexa would calm down soon.

-----

Hours had passed since Alexa’s mother had left Brian’s house. Alexa was over the anger she had felt, especially at Brian. It wasn’t his fault that her mother was an all-around terrible person. She was more disappointed that after all these years her mother still hadn’t come to gain any kind of affection for her daughters whatsoever. Caroline wanted Brian. Moreso, she wanted Brian’s money, although, Alexa assumed that she would probably take Brian, too.

A light tapping at the door stirred Alexa from her thoughts. She smiled as Brian peeked through a crack in the door, holding up his hands.

“I come in peace.” He said with a smirk. In one of his hands was a bag from McDonalds. Just then Alexa’s stomach grumbled loudly. “And I come baring gifts.”

Alexa smiled back softly. “I’m sorry for freaking out on you earlier. It’s just that, she was so crazy.”

“It’s okay.” Brian responded. “I get it. It was overwhelming. I really was trying to help; I guess I didn’t realize the hugeness of the situation.”

“This is my life, you know?” Alexa responded with a shrug. “I’ve never known that woman and now I know that I never want to.”

Brian handed her the food that he had ordered for her out of the McDonald’s bag and then patted his lips with his fingertips. “First, kiss me.”

Alexa leaned in and kissed him softly. The softness of his lips was enough to warm her immediately. Maybe she should have tried that hours ago?

“Next, tell me what exactly happened out there.” Brian continued after Alexa pulled away. He took a bite of his Big Mac and waited while she gathered her thoughts.

Alexa sighed softly. “Well, it started in here and she seemed pleasant, you know? Then we went for that walk and she started with this major attitude and then she got pleasant again until finally, she asked me for money for a down payment for a house—or something like that. It was crazy. I don’t know if I’d ever been on a rollercoaster like that one. I don’t know what my dad ever saw in her.”

Brian shrugged. “She seems pretty messed up, I guess?”

“She probably is.” Alexa licked her lips slowly. “I don’t know. I just don’t want anything to do with her. Even after all this time, she still didn’t come here wanting me. She came here wanting you. It’s so… anti-climactic.”

Brian laughed. “Are you staring in your own Lifetime movie these days?”

Alexa shook her head. Though she knew that he was kidding, that almost couldn’t be any closer to the truth. “Sometimes it feels like it.”

Brian smiled at her sympathetically. “Well, I’m here for you. At least you can take solace in knowing that I’m not going anywhere.”

Alexa nodded slowly, but she knew that especially now, that might not be so true. “You shouldn’t make promises you don’t know that you can keep.”

Brian frowned at how beautifully sad Alexa looked. He lifted his hand slowly and ran his fingers through her hair. “You know that I love you with all my heart, don’t you?”

Alexa wiped the fresh tears that were beginning to fall from her cheeks and nodded slowly. “I know and I love you, too.”

“Alexa, if anything in this world is true, it’s that I want nothing more than to be with you. You’re my everything. That woman is the stupidest woman in the world for letting someone as amazing as you slip through her fingers. You have to believe that.” Brian reached over and pulled Alexa into his lap as she sobbed.

Little did he know that she wasn’t sobbing for her mother. At that moment, she was sobbing for him. She was sobbing for the fact that someday, he was going to regret ever loving her. He was going to regret ever saying any of those words. Someday, he wasn’t going to think that she was so amazing. In fact, someday, he may come to believe that the apple doesn’t fall so far from the tree.

The weeks passed by quickly. Valentine's Day had come and gone as had Brian's birthday. It was now early March. More than a month had passed since the concert.

Producers had been flown down to Atlanta to work with catching Brian up on recording until the other Boys finished their mini-tour. Collectively, they decided that it was probably better for Brian to sit the rest of the shows out. He didn't really know the new songs that well and this way, by the time the small tour was finished, he would be right on track with the rest of the group so that the album didn't have to be pushed back too much further. They didn't think that the fans would mind so much that the album was being pushed back, so long as Brian was on it; however, they didn't think that it was fair to keep them waiting for too long. The fans had been waiting for over five years already.

The tour was winding down this week in New York City. The rest of the group was already going to be there, so the management agreed that this would be a good time to have Brian come in and re-sign his contract.

Alexa had urged Brian months ago for them to fly to New York instead of taking the 12-hour drive. Anyone who has ever so much as visited New York City knows that it's impossible to navigate the streets. Driving all the way there would have been a stupid idea.

They had decided to fly in a couple of days early so that they could enjoy the city before Brian was put to work. Now, they were in the waiting area in front of their gate, waiting for their early morning flight to be called. Alexa was sitting in one of the gray metal chairs with both of their carry-on bags lying next to her. Brian, however, was pacing nervously.

Alexa crossed her legs and leaned her head back against the top to the chair. “Do you need me to get you a sedative or something, Bri?”

Brian glared at her and exhaled deeply, obviously not up to talking.

Alexa yawned and leaned up, reaching out to him. “Brian, you're fine. I'm here with you. We're going to be okay. Thousands of planes fly out every day. I know that you have this terrible association with airplanes, but what happened to Hayden is a once-in-a-lifetime occurance, okay?”

Brian sighed and took her hand. “I'm fine.” He replied simply.

Alexa nodded and squeezed his hand reassuringly. “Okay, if you say so.”

“I do.” Brian replied, then began pacing again. He was humming softly to himself.

Alexa looked over at him and smiled. “What are you singing?”

Brian licked his lips and glanced over at her. “I'm rehearsing.”

“Did you join a Broadway production and forget to tell me or something?” Alexa joked, really wanting to be able to break the tension, although she knew that he would probably be this high-strung until the plane landed and he was kissing the ground.

“No,” Brian remarked, seriously. “It's new.”

Alexa nodded. “Why don't you come sit down, Baby?”

Brian sighed and tried his best to smile. He knew that he was worrying her, but he wasn't able to calm his nerves. This was the first time that he'd been further than the security section of the airport in years. He'd flown thousands of times before, but his wife had died on an airplane. Of course that instance was the exception, not the rule, but in Brian's case the exception outweighed the rule. “I just need to stand up. I'm too jittery to sit down, but I'm fine. I promise.” He leaned down and kissed her softly.

Alexa sighed and gave up trying to calm him down. She knew at this point that it was beyond her control. One flight and Brian would be fine. Maybe they should have taken a quick flight from Atlanta to Savannah to ease his nerves?

Suddenly a representative from Continental Airlines broke into both Brian and Alexa's thoughts. “Continental Airlines flight 4452 from Atlanta to New York city is now boarding first class passengers. Continental Airlines flight 4452.”

Brian sighed deeply and extended his hand to Alexa. “That's us.”

Alexa nodded and took his extended hand. She grabbed her carry-on and handed Brian his own. “Are you ready?”

Brian shrugged, though he could feel his nerves pinging around inside of him. “As ready as I'm going to be.”

Alexa took his hand as they walked to the gate. They handed the flight attendant their tickets and then disappeared through the long jet way.

------

Three hours later, their plane arrived safely to New York City. As soon as the flight attendant announced that it was safe to leave the plane, Brian practically took a run for it, leaving Alexa trailing slowly behind. As she stepped through the gateway, she stopped and looked around for Brian. Where the hell did he go? She asked herself, laughing. Suddenly, she spotted Brian waiting for her at the end of the row of seats in front of her and she walked slowly over to him.

“Thanks for leaving me back there, Brian.” Alexa joked.

“I'm sorry.” He replied with a grin. “We made it and that's all fine and good, but I needed to get off of that plane before it exploded or something.”

“Brian!” Alexa exclaimed swatting him playfully. “You don't say something like that in the airport. You'll get arrested.”

Brian laughed and took Alexa's hand. “Then let's get out of here before the police come after me.”

They walked down to baggage claim, retrieved their suitcases and then took a cab to their hotel. As they walked into their room, Brian threw the bags down onto the king-sized bed.

“Don't you have a house here?” Brian remarked smirking. “I still don't see what we're doing in a hotel.”

“Brian.” Alexa responded, sighing. “We've been through this. I have a tiny apartment in Brooklyn. You don't want anything to do with that, I swear.”

Brian shrugged. “I'd like to at least see it before we leave.”

“Fine. We'll stop by, but the place is probably a mess and it's tiny and when I say tiny I mean about the size of your bedroom.” Alexa argued. She really didn't want to take Brian anywhere near her former life. It was bad enough that he would be stepping into the hallways of Jive Records soon.

Brian rolled his eyes. “Aly, I don't care about how big your apartment is, I just want you to let me in. I still haven't even met your sister yet, but you know my whole family and all of my friends.”

Alexa shrugged. “I have no problem with you meeting my sister. She's only a subway ride away. We can go right now.”

“It takes two hours to get to Washington on the subway, but we're going to go soon. Maybe we'll fly into Washington instead of going right back to Georgia?”

Alexa was actually excited by the idea. “Really? You'd want to add extra time to your flight just to meet my sister?”

“Like you said, once I've been back up in the sky once it's only going to get easier.” He walked over to Alexa and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He kissed the side of her neck softly. “Thank you for not thinking that I'm a freak for getting so crazy about flying.”

Alexa smiled and laughed softly. “Don't get it twisted. I still think that you're a freak.”

Brian laughed and kissed her softly behind her ear and down the side of her neck. Alexa rolled her head to the side to give him easier access. “Do you want me to show you how big of a freak that I am?”

Alexa turned around and leaned her forehead against his. “I don't know if I can handle it.”

Brian grinned wildly. He grabbed her by the tops of her thighs and forced her backwards to the bed. “I promise that I'll be a gentle freak.”

Alexa giggled as he pushed her back onto the bed and covered her mouth with his own.

-----

Across town, AJ was waiting patiently in Ben's office. He had scheduled a private meeting to talk about the Alexa situation. Ben didn't have any idea that AJ knew of his plan, but he was going to, and if AJ had planned this right Ben was going to keep his mouth shut.

AJ glanced down at his watch impatiently. He had ready been waiting for half an hour. What's the point in having a scheduled meeting if you're just going to be late anyway? He wondered to himself.

Just then, Ben walked into the office and closed the door behind him. “AJ,” He said as he entered the room. “To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?”

AJ stood when Ben entered the room and extended his hand, though he was gritting his teeth. He wanted to punch the guy in the face. Maybe if he'd just let well enough be, Brian would have come back on his own eventually and he and Alexa would have met and fallen in love under more normal circumstances.

“I know about Alexa.” AJ jumped right in, hoping for some shock value, but getting nothing.

“Ah,” Ben replied, nodding his head. “So, that's what you're here about. What do you want to know?”

“I don't want to know anything. I want you to just let it be. Leave Brian and Alexa alone and we won't have any problems.” AJ responded, staring Ben in his eyes. He wasn't going to be intimidated just because Ben was the President of Jive Records. At this point, he was confident that the Boys would be able to sign with another record company if need be.

“So, you're just going to blindly take whatever that conniving little Alexa told you, am I right?” Ben stuffed his hands into the pockets of his black slacks.

“I heard the two of you talking. She didn't have to tell me much.” AJ replied, smirking. He wondered how Ben was possibly going to try to turn this around.

“And I'm sure that she made it all sound like this was my doing, right? Like I'm this horrible, awful person who only cares about his bottom line.” Ben asked, shrugging. He softened a bit, hoping to get AJ to relax.

“Like I said, she didn't have to tell me anything.” AJ bit his bottom lip and shrugged his shoulders. “Look, if you want an album leave them alone. That's all that I have to say about it. If you ruin it all, we walk.”

“You can't walk, AJ.” Ben replied, laughing. “Not without owing Jive Records a lot of money. That's the thing about contracts. The good ones are iron clad.”

“Maybe that's true, but not when you can prove that your company has been dealing in shady practices. Harassment. Hell, I've spoken to Alexa. You had them followed.” AJ argued, starting to get angry.

“I hired a private investigator. That's not illegal. Trust me, AJ. I've been completely on the right side of the law. Alexa, however, might be in some trouble for pandering?” Ben shrugged. “I don't know.”

“First off, you know that's not true. Secondly, how would you accuse her of something like that if YOU were the one giving her the money.” AJ exclaimed, feeling almost as if he were backed into a wall.

“I can accuse her of anything if it doesn't look like that money was coming from me.” Ben smiled easily while propping himself up against the edge of his desk. He loved that AJ was running out of arguments.

“I promise you, Ben. If you make Brian's life one iota harder than it has to be, bad things are going to come to this company. You got want you wanted, now leave them alone.” AJ was now inches from Ben's face. He wanted so badly to knock the smirk off of his lips that he had to cross his arms in front of him to keep from swinging.

“You don't have anything to worry about.” Ben replied softly, through his tone was dark. “Brian's happy. I'm happy. You make a good record, I'm even more happy. That's all that I want.”

AJ nodded and stepped back. “Good. We've gotten out of contracts that have seemed iron clad before. Don't think that we can't find the loopholes in yours.”

With that, AJ grabbed his jacket from where it was hanging on the back of the chair where he had once been sitting and let himself out of Ben's office. When he closed the door behind him, he leaned against it out of breath. Somehow, during the short conversation, he had become exhausted. Ben promised that he wouldn't say anything, but AJ still wasn't confident in his word. All he could do now is pray that Ben would stay true to his promises and let Brian be happy.

-----

Hours later, Brian and Alexa were both sound asleep on their plush hotel room bed. Even after months of love-making, they both had the ability to make the other soar with pleasure and then come crashing back down. The grumbling of her stomach stirred Alexa from her sleep. She gazed over at Brian and smiled softly at the beautiful man that was lying next to her. She lifted her hand slowly and traced the defined muscles of his chest.

Brian opened his eyes slowly and smiled back at Alexa before allowing his eyes to droop closed again. “Hey beautiful,” Brian greeted groggily.

“Hey, yourself.” Alexa scooted closer to Brian and kissed him softly. “Did you sleep well?”

“Absolutely.” Brian responded as he wrapped an arm around her thin frame. “You know, I could honestly lay like this forever.”

Alexa laughed to herself softly. “You say that to all of your girlfriends.”

“Yeah,” Brian said, chuckling. “But I only mean it with you.”

Alexa smiled and kissed him again. “So, are you hungry?”

Brian nodded. “Starving, actually. What did you have in mind?”

“There's this bakery slash deli not that far from here. I've known the people that work there my whole life. I'd really like to take you, if you think you might want to go.” Alexa replied, shrugging.

“I've love to meet the people that knew you as a kid.” Brian responded with a smirk. “Maybe now I'll get some stories that I can tease you with.”

Alexa laughed. “Yeah, but these people didn't know my naked bath-time stories. Come to think of it, maybe that's why I've kept you away from Brooke for so long.”

“And the truth finally comes out.” Brian leaned in and kissed her again.

“Come on, let's get up. We need to have some kind of a productive day and Bernard's is going to get busy if we wait much longer.” Alexa jumped out of bed and knelt next to her closed suitcase.

Brian watched from his place on the bed as she unzipped the suitcase and began to aimlessly sift through its contents. She was wearing his t-shirt from earlier in the day with a pair of boy shorts. Her hair was disheveled and her makeup was smeared, but Brian thought that she was beautiful.

Sometimes it scared him how little he found himself thinking of Hayden these days. It was hard to miss his wife when Alexa was in his arms. He thought about the possibilities sometimes. He thought about what his life would be like if Hayden had been alive and if she had birthed his daughter. What would have happened had he met Alexa? He loved Alexa with all of his heart, but he had loved his wife, too. If he and Alexa had ended up getting married, which of the woman were meant to have been his true soul mate?

Brian shook his head to clear the questions that would forever remain unanswered and smiled when Alexa looked back at him from her spot in front of her suitcase. “What are you thinking about over there lazy?”

Brian smirked and threw the covers off of his body. “Just about how sexy you look sitting over there in my t-shirt.”

“Well get those dirty thoughts out of your mind and get dressed.” She reached into Brian's suitcase, which was lying next to hers, and threw him a pair of jeans and a shirt.

“Yes, Ma'am,” Brian remarked as he pulled on the jeans that she had thrown to him.

Not long later, they were out the door and standing outside the entrance of the bakery. Alexa smoothed her clothes and brushed back her hair. She turned to Brian. “You ready?”

Brian nodded. “I'm ready and I'm starving. Let's go.” He reached in front of her and opened the heavy glass door.

Behind the counter, an older Italian man looked up from where he was refilling a tub of tomatoes. His face lit up when he saw Alexa enter. “Pretty girl!” He exclaimed, dropping the tomatoes into their slot. He hurried around the counter and embraced Alexa tightly. “Where have you been? I haven't seen you in months! Is that boss of yours killing you with work again?”

Alexa shook her head quickly. “No, no, don't work there anymore. I've been on vacation.” She shoved Brian forward quickly. “Bernie, I'd like you to meet Brian.”

Brian extended his hand to Bernie, which Bernie tentatively shook. He was sizing Brian up. Alexa hadn't brought very many of her boyfriends in to meet him, though the last boyfriend that she had introduced him to had broken her heart.

Brian could feel the protectiveness in Bernie's handshake and he was actually grateful for that. It was nice to know that Alexa had someone else in this world with her best interests at heart. “It's really nice to meet you Bernie. I've only heard great things.”

“Well, I've heard nothing. Why do you look so familiar? Have I seen you in here before?” Bernie asked. He narrowed his eyes at Brian and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Alexa looked back and forth between the two men. Bernie was looking Brian up and down, but Brian didn't seem fazed by it at all.

“I've never been in here before, no.” Brian shook his head and smiled at the older man. It was always hard for him to introduce himself as a Backstreet Boy, only because he felt as if it sounded like he was bragging.

“Brian is a singer, actually.” Alexa answered the unasked question. “You may recognize him that way. He's a Backstreet Boy.”

Brian smiled humbly and looked down at his feet.

“Ah, a Backstreet Boy. My granddaughter loves your group.” Bernie responded as he slowly uncrossed his arms.

“I'd love to meet her or if she's not around, I'd be glad to sign something for her.” Brian offered.

“You'd do that?” Bernie asked, surprised to see a celebrity acting so openly friendly.

“Yeah, of course. She's paying my bills, you know?” Brian joked, causing Bernie to let out a small chuckle.

“You know, Aly,” Bernie said, finally turning back to Alexa. “I think that I like this guy.”

“Good,” Alexa responded, wrapping her arm around Brian's back. “'Cause I kind of like him, too.”

Brian smiled and kissed the top of Alexa's head lovingly. Bernie watched the display. It's about time the kid finds someone that's good to her, he thought to himself.

“I'm going to grab you some sandwiches, on the house. I'm also going to bring out some things for your to sign if you don't mind.” Bernie remarked.

Brian nodded and smiled graciously. “Yeah of course, and thank you, the smell in here has been making my mouth water.”

Bernie saluted Brian playfully before disappearing behind into the kitchen.

Brian and Alexa sat down at a table in the back of the small restaurant and waited for Bernie to return. Brian took Alexa's hand from across the table. “He seems to really care about you.”

Alexa nodded and smiled to herself. “Yeah. After my dad died I lived with Jenny and her parents, but I'd come here after school every day. Bernie let me work behind the counter and paid me whatever he could. He and his wife Stella were the ones who made sure that my homework was finished, that I was getting good grades. He bought my prom dress. You know? Jenny's parents have money, but they took me more out of obligation and a lot of pressure from Jenny than love. If they were younger, I'm sure that Bernie and Stella would have taken me in.”

“It was good of Jenny's parents to take you in though. I mean, where would you have ended up otherwise?” Brian replied with a shrug.

“No, you're totally right. They didn't have to and I appreciate everything that they did for me.” Alexa quickly defended. “I just never felt completely comfortable anywhere but here.”

Brian nodded. “I understand that. I didn't mean to make you think that I was calling you ungrateful or anything. Speaking of, how is Jenny?”

Alexa smiled. “She's good. She's dating this guy that went to our school. Doug. It's weird. They used to fight like crazy, but I could always kind of tell that there was something else there. Apparently, she's in love, which is funny because she'd always shied away from falling in love.”

“Maybe she'd been waiting for Doug to fall in love with her all along?” Brian replied.

“Maybe so.” Alexa agreed.

Just then Bernie walked back over to the table with two sandwiches, drinks and a slew of Backstreet Boys merchandise. He dropped the merchandise on the table in front of Brian. “I went upstairs to my apartment and got some things out of my granddaughter's room that she stays in when she stays with us. I hope you don't mind.”

“Like I said, she's the boss. She pays the bills.” Brian chuckled and extended his hand for the permanent marker that Bernie was holding.

Brian quickly signed everything on the table and then turned back to his sandwich. There didn't seem like there was anything special about it, but it was the best sandwich that he'd had in a long time. Throughout most of the meal, he sat back and watched the interaction between Alexa and Bernie. He asked her questions about her life in Georgia and teased her about now being a country girl and leaving the Big City behind for some boy. When Bernie turned to question him, Brian answered his questions politely. After some time, the two were joking easily and Brian had even agreed to sign something for the restaurant to hang on the wall.

When Brian excused himself to use the restroom, Bernie and Alexa were finally alone for the first time. Bernie looked at Alexa and smiled.

“What?” Alexa asked with a grin.

“He's a good one, Aly.” Bernie responded, smiling at the woman that he loved like a daughter.

“I know. He's amazing.” Alexa replied. A soft blush rose to her cheeks.

“He really loves you. I can see it in his eyes.” Bernie said sincerely. He really liked Brian and could already tell that he was a good match for Alexa.

Alexa nodded again. “I really love him, too, Bernie. I didn't go to Georgia expecting that to happen. Though I don't know why you didn't mention it, thank you for not saying anything about Jive or Ben.”

“Pretty girl,” Bernie started with a sigh as he wrapped an arm around Alexa's shoulder. “I know everything that there is to know about the Backstreet Boys, including their record company, thanks to little Lola. If you didn't meet him through that and you didn't mention the connection yourself, I had to know that it was something that you didn't want mentioned. I'm a pretty perceptive man. Do you want to fill me in?”

Alexa shook her head. “No, not really. You'll just be disappointed.”

Bernie sighed. “I'm sure that Ben has something to do with it and that's fine Alexa, because what you and Brian have is real. I don't know what's going on with you and if you don't want me to know, that's fine, just please be honest with him. He deserves that.”

Alexa nodded, but didn't get the chance to respond. Brian was walking back over from the bathroom. Alexa stood when he approached the table. “We should really get going. Brian has to meet the rest of the guys in the group for some kind of recording session tonight.”

Bernie stood as well and embraced Alexa tightly. “I missed you, Sweetheart. Come back and see us again soon.”

Alexa nodded and hugged him back. She hadn't realized how much she had missed speaking with Bernie until the moment that she had to leave him.

Brian extended his hand to Bernie when he let Alexa go. Bernie shook Brian's hand with more respect this time around. “It was really nice to meet you, Brian. Be good to our girl.”

Brian smiled. “Always. It was a pleasure to meet you as well.” He then turned to Alexa and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “You ready?”

Alexa nodded slowly. She hugged Bernie one last time and then they left the restaurant. “So, what did you think?” Alexa asked Brian once they were out on the street.

“He's amazing. He's a really cool guy and, of course, anyone who cares that much about you is good in my book.” Brian replied.

Alexa leaned against Brian's shoulder and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I love you so much.”

Brian kissed the top of her head and smiled. “I love you too, Baby. I have a little while before I have to meet the guys. You want to go back to the hotel for a bit?”

Alexa nodded slowly and took Brian's hand. They walked the short distance to the hotel where they holed themselves up until the very last minute when Brian had to leave to meet the others.

-----

A couple of days later the alarm started to buzz loudly at 8 a.m. Today, Brian was going to be signing his contract with Jive. He would be officially working again. He would officially be a living, breathing Backstreet Boy. He didn't know why the thought was so terrifying to him.

He rolled over and swatted the alarm. He had to be at Jive in 45 minutes. Luckily, the record company was only a couple blocks away and he could walk there in a couple of minutes.

Alexa rolled over and smiled. They had spent a blissful couple of days in New York City. They had lunch with Bernie again the day before. They took a horse and carriage ride in Central Park. Alexa showed him where she went to school, where she played as a kid and the place where her father's fateful office building still stood. After Brian arrived back from the record company, they were supposed to take a cab to Brooklyn so that Alexa could show Brian where she used to live.

“Is is that time already?” Alexa groaned. She held onto Brian, desperately wanting him to stay in bed.

“Yep, it's that time.” He smiled and kissed her softly. “I need to get dressed. I'm going to be late if I don't get out of here soon.”

Alexa sighed. Panic was starting to overcome her. “Don't go.” She whispered softly.

“What?” Brian asked confused.

“Stay here with me.” Alexa closed her eyes. Willing him to just stay in bed and not walk into the terrifying building.

“Alexa, where's this coming from. What's the matter?” Brian ran his fingers idly through Alexa's hair.

“I just- I don't know.” Alexa shook her head.

“Are you afraid of what me touring and recording is going to do to our relationship?” Brian asked softly, knowing how hard it was for someone to understand his schedule at first.

“I don't know.” Alexa repeated, though she knew perfectly well what she was afraid of. AJ had told her the other day that he had spoken to Ben and it sounded like it was going to be okay, but somehow she just couldn't trust that Ben was going to let everything go so easily.

“Hey, Beautiful, look at me.” Brian responded, tilting her chin up gently until their eyes met. “I love you, okay? I'm always going to love you. We're you to be fine. I promise you.”

Alexa nodded. She knew, however, that if he knew what she was really worried about, he never would have made that promise. She just had to put her hopes into believing that Ben's promise to AJ would hold up. “Okay.” She whispered.

Brian leaned down and kissed her slowly. He sensed that something was still bothering her, but she obviously didn't want to talk about it. When she did, he would be there to listen. He climbed out of bed and got dressed quickly. He grabbed his watch and wallet off of the bedside table and was ready to go a few minutes later. Jive had sent security personnel over to walk with him to the record company for his own safety. The security guard was already waiting in the lobby of the hotel.

“I've got to go.” Brian said, as he sat on the edge of the bed next to Alexa. “Are you okay?”

“I'm good.” Alexa responded. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him down toward her gently. She kissed him softly. “I love you, Brian Littrell.”

Brian smiled and kissed her again. “I love you, too. I'll be back as soon as I can. We'll go to see your humble abode.”

Alexa smiled and reluctantly let him go. She watched as she blew her one final kiss and walked through the door, closing it softly behind him.

-----

Brian was the last one to arrive to the large meeting room at Jive. He was stopped in the hallway by a lot of people that had once worked with him. They all wanted to know how he was doing and how Alexa was. It was strange. They all seemed to be personally invested in some way. Brian shook it off and entered the conference room with a smile plastered onto his face.

“Sorry that I'm late.” He said as soon as he walked in. “I got a little caught up trying to make my way though here.”

“We were wondering if you'd changed your mind,” Nick joked.

Brian smiled and shook his head. He then took a seat next to AJ at the end of the table. In front of him was a brown file folder. All of the boys were going to be signing a new contract that added Brian. The contracts had already been sent to and approved by the group's lawyer. Everything was set except for a signature.

“We've all gone over the contracts before hand, so I assume that all questions have been answered?” Ben asked after Brian had become settled. The five men nodded. They were supposed to sign their new contracts and then set their new recording and promotion schedule for the rest of the album.

“Good,” Ben continued. “First off, Brian, I'd just like to welcome you back and congratulate you on finding the new love of your life.”

Brian blush and murmured an uncomfortable, “Thank you.” He didn't really know how he felt about Ben's statement. It hadn't really sounded all that sincere.

“Well, Boys. Let's get to it. Please sign your contracts and hand them to my new assistant, Adam, for filing.” Ben glanced around the table, trying to see if the words 'new assistant' had resonated with anyone besides AJ. They hadn't. It was time to pull out the big guns. Once the contract was signed, he had him. Brian didn't have any choice but to do as he was told.

They all handed the folders to Adam, though AJ did so reluctantly. He noticed a look on Ben's face that couldn't mean anything besides trouble. What is he thinking, AJ thought to himself.

An evil glint suddenly appeared in Ben's eyes. He threw an envelope down in front of Brian, though he was looking at AJ. “Brian, we've got a little present for you.”

Brian opened the envelope slowly. Something didn't seem right. Why was Ben looking at AJ like that?

“What are you doing?” AJ asked Ben nervously. He didn't, AJ thought to himself. Please God, tell me that he didn't.

Brian's smile began to fade from his face as he flipped through the folder of documents in front of him. There were pictures of he and Alexa everywhere that they had been since that had met. There were documents that seemed to be signed by Alexa. The company that she had worked for had been Jive? Brian thought to himself.

Finally, he looked further into the envelope and saw the deed for the house that stood across the street from his own and receipts from the moving companies that had moved Alexa both in and out.

“You want to try to get out of your contract?” Ben growled at AJ. “I dare you.”

Brian looked back and forth between the two men. His anger was growing increasingly stronger. He didn't understand. What did all of this mean? Brian stood up and slammed his hands on the table. “I don't know what the hell is going on here, but somebody had better start explaining and I mean now. How the hell do you know Alexa?”

Brian continued looking between AJ and Ben who were glaring at each other. “Someone had better start talking. What the fuck is going on?”

AJ turned to Brian first. He stood and grabbed Brian by the shoulders. “Brian, nothing is going on. You need to relax. Nothing is ever as it seems on paper, okay?”

“Oh, please,” Ben scoffed, not letting AJ or Alexa get off that easily. “Everything is exactly how it seems. Alexa works for me. Her entire goal was to get you to come back to Jive. She did and we win. The end.”

Brian shook his head and began to walk backwards toward the door. “No. She doesn't work for you.”

“You're right,” Ben replied with a smirk, “once she accomplished what she set out to do, I fired her.”

“That's not true!” AJ exclaimed, then turned back to Brian. Kevin, Howie and Nick were sitting back utterly confused by the display in front of them. “Brian, that's not true.”

Brian could feel his heart breaking in his chest. He still didn't completely understand the implications of what Ben had just told him. Brian turned to AJ, his voice was low. “You knew about this?”

AJ looked over at Brian sadly. He noticed the look on his friend's face. It was the look of betrayal. “No, Brian, don't twist this around on me. I didn't have anything to do with any of it. I was trying to protect you.”

Brian shot a fiery look at AJ. “I don't know how many times I need to tell you, I don't need anyone's protection or pity.” He then turned back to Ben. “I want to be with this group. I don't want, no, I'm not GOING to be with Jive. There is nothing that you could say or do to make me open my mouth and sing for you. You dare AJ to try to break his contract. I dare you to try to keep it.”

With a final glance around the table, Brian grabbed his jacket and left the conference room. He was humiliated. Everything that he thought that he had with Alexa was a lie. It was all some big ploy to convince him that he was happy enough to let the past stay in the past. They all knew. Everyone knew what was happening and they didn't say a word. He didn't know if that was true, but he did at least know that it was true that AJ had known and he hadn't told him. He hadn't made him aware of who the deceitful person sleeping in his bed really was. Sure, he would give Alexa the chance to explain, but nothing that she could say could possibly make this right, unless of course, she could prove that it was all a lie.

-----

Back at the hotel, Alexa was pacing around the living area. If Brian hadn't found out at the meeting that morning, she had decided that she was going to tell him. She had to tell him. It had to be better that he heard it from her. She couldn't keep going on like this. She couldn't give Brian all of her until he knew her every last, deepest-darkest secret. He loved her, Alexa knew. There had to be a way that this could work out in the end.

“Brian,” She said to herself softly. “I'm not really who you think that I am.”

She shook her head. That was terrible. She couldn't put it like that, then it would really sound like she set out to hurt him in some way.

“Brian,” She whispered again. “You know that I love you so much, but I have something to tell you-”

Just then the door to the hotel room flew opened. Alexa turned quickly to see Brian standing in the doorway. There was fire in his eyes. He knew. Ben had told him everything. A sheer state of panic began to rise from Alexa's stomach. She should have told him sooner. She should have said something. What was she going to do now?

Brian stood in the doorway staring at her. Just that morning he had promised that he was going to love her forever, now he didn't even know who she was. Instead of saying anything, he started pacing in front of the door. Even though there were so many holes to their entire relationship, he wanted nothing more that to just take her into his arms. How could it be possible that the one person that he wanted comfort from was the one who had hurt him to begin with? “Who are you?” He growled in Alexa's general direction. He was finding it hard to look at her. He shook his head. Tears were brimming on his eyelids at the thought of all the possibilities. “Who are you, Alexa? Who are you?”

Alexa inhaled deeply. She too was trying to keep her tears from spilling over. “I'm exactly who I told you that I was Brian. I never lied to you. I never-”

Brian had to laugh at her statement. “You never lied to me? Seriously? You lived across the street from my house, knowing that I was your neighbor. In fact, if I have this correctly, you moved across the street from my house BECAUSE I would be your neighbor. You knew about my wife, about my pain about who I was and where I had come from. You work at my record company, but you never lied to me? Omission is nothing but an unspoken lie.”

“Brian, you have to listen to me.” Alexa exclaimed, panicked. “I did move across the street from you because Ben asked me to deceive you in this unimaginable way, but that's never want I intended. I never even intended to talk to you.”

“So, you saw me crying on the street that day and just thought, 'oh, that pitiful man. I should go try to help him'? You didn't know it was me. You hadn't been watching me beforehand?” Brian stopped pacing and narrowed his eyes at her.

“Yes, I knew who you were. I knew that you were Brian Littrell-- Backstreet Boy. I knew that you had lost your wife, but so did the whole world.” Alexa argued. She needed to calm him down. She needed everything to be all right. “But Brian, I didn't approach you because of Ben. In fact, Ben was the furthest thing from my mind when I talked to you that day. I was drawn to you the instant that I saw you. I love you, Brian. I-”

Brian shook his head and held his hand up, signaling her to stop speaking. “No, don't say that to me. Don't you dare say that to me! You don't love me. You can't love me. If you loved me, you wouldn't have kept this from me. You would have told me and let ME make the decision as to whether or not to have you in my life.”

“I don't know how else to tell you this. I don't work for Ben. I stopped working for Ben before we got together! Before that, for the entire time that I had been in Georgia, I never spoke to him. I wasn't deceiving you. I wasn't running back with information. I was just being with you because I liked to be with you.” Alexa finally let the tears escape. “Whether you believe me or not, I do love you. I love you with all of my heart.”

Brian clenched his jaw tightly and shook his head again. Seeing her cry was so painful. As much as he hated her at that moment for betraying him, he didn't want her to hurt, which seemed crazy, because how did he even know if he really knew her at all? “So, what?” Brian finally exclaimed, also letting the tears escape. “What? Did your dad really kill himself? Do you really have no family? Did you get in with my family, only to get closer to me? Only to fool me into falling in love with you? Is your favorite color really blue? Is your favorite flower really a lily? Is your favorite book really Pride and Prejudice? How am I supposed to know what's real?”

Alexa took a step closer and took his hand gently. “It's all real, Brian. Everything that I told you about my life is true. I just left out my former place of employment. I never meant to hurt you. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. I already told you-- the entire time that we were together, I didn't work for Ben. I promise you. They were not paying me to be with you.”

“We started sleeping together before we officially got together, Alexa. Was he paying you then?” Brian held his breath as he waited for her answer. This was it. This was the question that was going to make or break their future.

Alexa's lips started to tremble. Could she lie to him again and just tell him no? Would he believe her or would that only make the situation worse? What did he already know? Alexa decided to be truthful. She bowed her head and closed her eyes. “Yes.” She whispered softly.

Brian pulled his hand away from hers. He felt used. He felt dirty. He felt sick. “In my book Alexa,” Brian replied in a cold, even tone, “that makes you no better than the average street whore.”

Brian watched as she shattered. It was as if he could see the pieces of her falling to the ground. Not being able to take another minute, he turned and stormed out of the room. It felt like there was no air left in the world. He couldn't breath. His heart was broken into a million pieces. He had fallen so deeply in love with her that he couldn't completely fathom her betrayal.

Inside the room, Alexa fell to her knees. She covered her eyes with the palms of her hands. She was in physical pain. She didn't know that having a broken heart could hurt this badly. She had screwed up. She had screwed up so bad. She didn't know how to fix it. He hated her. She could see it buried in his eyes. He hated her so much for hurting him, for taking advantage of his situation, but she loved him so much. Her life without him in it was so completely unimaginable. She didn't know how to live without him anymore.

------

Hours had passed and Brian was no where to be found. The Boys had been out looking for him all day. They knew that he wasn't going to be at the hotel. Brian wouldn't be able to stay in a room that was littered with thoughts of the woman that he had loved. The woman who he believed had betrayed him.

Alexa had stayed in the room hoping that Brian would calm down and come back. She hoped that somewhere deep inside, he would realize that she hadn't really betrayed him. Though, she couldn't even bring herself to believe that. How could she imagine that Brian would be able to come to that conclusion?

She had been calling him for hours, until finally he shut his phone off and she was sent directly to the voice mail. She wondered if she should go out and find him or if she should just wait for him to come back to her. If she did find him, would it only make him that much more angry that she showed up when he was trying to find solace? What was she supposed to do?

Her cell phone suddenly rang on the table in the living area of the room. She lunged for the phone praying that it was Brian. It was AJ instead. “What the hell happened in there?” She greeted.

AJ sighed and shook his head. “Alexa, I didn't even see if coming. He seemed cordial enough. He threw this envelope down. It was your employee file or something, I guess? I don't guess that you've heard from Brian?”

“No,” Alexa replied. “Of course not. He called me a whore and he left. I can't believe this. I can't believe that I got myself into this mess and you... I can't believe that I got you into this mess either.”

“Look,” AJ replied. “Brian and I will be fine. You and Brian on the other hand may not be, not for a while. You need to step back and give him some time. Can you do that? Please. I don't want him to break again, Alexa. You helped to put him back together, now I need you to help keep him together.”

Alexa nodded, understanding exactly what AJ was trying to tell her. He wanted her to leave. “Okay.” Alexa replied. “You're right. I'll go.”

“I'm not trying to kick you out of his life. I'm not trying to tell you that I don't believe that you love him because I do and I know that he loves you too, but if you want this to work, at least at some point in the future, you need to give him some time to sort all of this out on his own.” AJ reasoned. He didn't mean to make her feel any worse than she already did. He knew that her heart was breaking just like Brian's was, but he'd known Brian for a decade. Brian was AJ's first priority.

“It's fine, AJ.” Alexa responded, softly. “Thanks for everything.”

“Alexa, I-” AJ started to reply, but was cut off by the beeping of the phone that signaled that the line was dead. AJ sighed deeply and looked at the phone as he flipped it shut. He hated to hurt her, but at this point, she couldn't help Brian.

AJ had looked for Brian around Central Park. He had looked around Times Square. He had even called the local hotels and hospitals to see if he had either checked in or been admitted respectively. He had one other place that he could think of to look, however, he didn't know if he wanted to find Brian there or not.

AJ hailed a cab. When the driver stopped he asked AJ, “Where to?”

AJ sighed deeply. “Ground Zero, please.”

-----

Through her tears, Alexa packed her things quickly. She had just come to the realization that she would probably never see Brian again. It was like a knife though her heart. He had walked away and it was no one's fault but her own. She hated herself so much.

She glanced at the notepad that was sitting on the desk in the living area. She had written Brian a letter, but she didn't know if she wanted to leave it for him. Would it be cold and unfeeling for to her to leave her feelings for him written on hotel paper? Would he ever even find it? Would he come back or would he send someone else just so that he knew that there was no chance of walking in and finding Alexa there?

She sighed deeply and looked around the room one final time. She glanced at the bed where she and Brian had made love. She glanced at the table where they had breakfast. She glanced over at his opened suitcase. Without thinking, she reached in and grabbed a t-shirt. She brought it up to her face, took in his scent and then stuffed the shirt into her suitcase.

She walked back over to the desk and ran her fingers over the letter that she had written. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to keep the last of her tears inside. Alexa reached into her pocket and placed the brass key to Brian's house down on top of the folded letter.

“Goodbye,” She whispered softly as she turned to leave life as she knew it, and possibly Brian, behind forever.

Outside of the hotel, Alexa hailed a cab to take her to Brooklyn. It was time to go home. It took the driver close to an hour to get across town and over the bridge. He stopped in front of Alexa's brick apartment building. Alexa paid the cab driver and exited the cab with a sigh. She pulled her suitcase up to the fifth floor.

The ever-present yellow eviction notice was taped to the door. Alexa sighed and ripped it off angrily. If Ben was going to tell Brian that she used to work for Jive, the least that he could do was pay the rent. Brian already thought that she was a pandering whore, why not make that true?

Alexa stuck her key in the lock and attempted to open the door. Nothing. She shoved the key in further. It would hardly turn from side to side. The locks had been changed. She had already been kicked out. Alexa kicked the door angrily, again and again. How did she get here? How had she let her life get so messed up? A fresh batch of tears began to fall down her face. Now, she really did have nothing. She had the clothes on her back and a suitcase full of jaded memories. She kicked the door once more and leaned her head forehead against it. None of it mattered if she could only have Brian. He was all that she wanted in life. She didn't care about her apartment or any of the things that were once inside. The only thing that she cared about was being in his arms. He was the only one who could make any of this better, but he was gone and he wasn't coming back to her, not after everything that she had done to him. She deserved every single thing that he thought of her.

-----

The sun was starting to set behind the tall New York City buildings. Brian had been sitting in this same spot since earlier that morning. He had vowed that he would never come here. He had vowed that he was going to stay as far away from this area as he possibly could. Now, here he was, sitting at the mass grave of hundreds of souls. Somewhere among the grave was his wife and his unborn child. He was as close to them as he could possibly be. Closer to them than he had been in years.

He'd been sitting there, running the last seven or so months of his life over and over in his mind. His memories spanned from the first time that he and Alexa had met, to the first time that they had made love, to today when he finally found out that she had been paid to sleep with him. Every time that he got to the final memory, a bit of bile would raise in his throat and he would apologize profusely to his wife for ever thinking that he could leave her behind. How could he think that he had another soul mate? How could he ever have replaced her in his heart, in his mind or in his bed?

Brian wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands as a figure approached to his side. “What are you doing here?” Brian asked AJ as he drew closer.

“Somehow, I knew that I'd find you.” AJ replied and sat down next to Brian on the bench. “Talk to me, Man.”

“I don't have anything to say to you.” Brian responded. He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes.

“Brian, you can't possibly blame this on me.” AJ said as he ran his hands through his hair. His friend had come so far from this place, it was truly a tragedy that he had been sent back. “I just found out a few weeks ago, and if I believed that Alexa was it in for anything other than love, then I would have told you, but I didn't see any reason to hurt you, when the past could just be put in the past.”

“Shouldn't I be the one to decide what part of the past belongs there?” Brian exclaimed as he turned to AJ. “Shouldn't that have been my choice? You would have let me be with Alexa until the day that we died and never told me that we met because she was being PAID to talk to me. Seriously?”

AJ shrugged guiltily. “I guess that I never really thought about it like that.”

“That truth is, you never thought at all. You were too busy worrying about how destroyed poor Brian would be to give me the benefit of the doubt. Instead, you let Ben-fucking-Silverman tell me in front of everyone. You let me walk into a building full of people that used to work with her.” Brian shook his head. “Do you know how humiliating that is to me?”

“I can understand that, but you also have to understand where I was coming from.” AJ sighed and looked over at Brian. “I found out the day of the concert, when you sang with us for the first time again and you were so happy. Then I went out for a smoke and there Ben was man-handling Alexa and talking about some plan that had succeeded and all that Alexa wanted was for Ben to let her go. She was going to tell you that night, but I told her not to. I didn't think it was a big deal because she quit before the two of you got together. She went to Georgia for a vacation. She never expected to fall in love with you.”

Brian scoffed and shook his head. “Don't take up for her, AJ and don't say that she loved me, because I'll never believe it. I did love her, though. God, how I loved her. I was thinking of a future somewhere down the line with a ring and babies.”

“And now?” AJ questioned.

“And now,” Brian replied slowly. “I don't know that I ever knew her enough to say that I love her now or that I ever did. She says that she was truthful about the things that she told me, but how do I know that? I can't imagine trusting anything that she says.”

AJ shook his head. He knew that deep in his heart Brian didn't really mean that. He did love her and he was going to miss her. Now, he was speaking out of anger. “So, why did you come here?”

“This is my confessional. It's my wife's only grave.” Brian replied as he bit his trembling lip. “I needed to repent.”

“Brian,” AJ said softly. “You didn't do anything wrong by falling in love with Alexa. Let's say that you're right and that everything that she ever told you was a lie. That just means that you fell for the wrong girl. That doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be happy or that you were being punished.”

Brian pursed his lips and shook his head. “It's just not right. It's just not right that out of everyone that I could have fallen in love with, it had to be Alexa. It had to be the one person that set out to have me fall blindly into her arms. She was like the flute player and I was her serpent. It's just not fair.” Brian wiped the new tears that were falling down his face. He had always been so careful when he gave his heart away. How could he have been so careless this time?

AJ put an arm around his friend and squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. “You let her in. There had to have been something about her that you believed in, Brian. Maybe it'll just take some time to figure out what that was. It's not like you were on the prowl or ready to jump into a relationship. Something about her had to be genuine.”

No, Brian thought to himself. The only genuine thing about Alexa turned out to be that she was good at what she was paid to do. She was genuinely good at breaking hearts.

-----

Alexa stormed through the doors of the offices of Jive Records. She walked right past the security desk and took the elevator up to Ben's office. She ignored the people still scattered about the floor that were trying to say hello or ask how she was doing. She was on a mission.

She burst into Ben's office without knocking. Ben looked up quickly. “Have you lost your mind? What are you doing here?”

Alexa threw an envelope down onto his desk. “It's all there. Every dime that you gave me. I tapped into every resource that I have. I don't want it. I don't want anything to do with it.”

Ben opened the envelope and smiled. “You should keep it. You accomplished your goal didn't you?”

“I didn't accomplish anything other that breaking Brian's heart and my own.” Alexa shook her head, not wanting to open up to him. “That money is dirty and I don't want it.”

Ben sat back in his large desk chair and laughed. “It's a little bit late for that now, isn't it Sweetheart? The damage is done.”

Alexa rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. “It must be a really horrible thing to be you. All you do all day, every day is go around ruining people's lives. You got want you wanted. Brian joined the group, but that wasn't good enough. You have to get revenge because I didn't follow your little plan even though it worked out well for you in the end anyway.”

“This wasn't about revenge.” Ben scoffed. “That was going to be part of the plan all along. You didn't think that I'd allow Brian to stay with a lowly assistant like you, did you? OR did you think that you were actually going to be moving up in this company?”

Alexa shook her head and ran her hands through her hair. She clenched her jaw tightly. If she had a gun, she would have shot him.

“You're nothing, Alexa.” Ben continued icily. “You're nothing without me. You're nothing without Brian. You'll always be nothing.”

Alexa nodded her head slowly and put her hands on her hips. She wasn't going to cry in front of Ben. She inhaled deeply. “That's fine.” Alexa replied shakily. “I'd rather be nothing without you, than to be something and be at all associated with you. I'm done. Have a nice fucking life.”

Alexa left Ben's office quickly. She could hear his laughing behind her, but she didn't care. For today to be the day that she was officially released from Ben Silverman's clutches was at least one positive in a day full of heartbreak and failure.

She walked out of the Jive building one last time and over to the cab that she had paid to wait for her out front. She opened the door and took one last look around at the city in front of her. She closed her eyes and sighed, “Goodbye, New York.” She whispered softly before climbing into the cab that was set to take her to the airport.

Chapter 23

It had been an exhausting week for Brian. Just seven days earlier, he had been happy and in love and signing a contract that should have meant that he was about to be given his life back-- the life that he had before his wife died, the life that he had before he really knew how cold and devastating that the world could be. Now, he was on his way to a meeting with his lawyer and the Executive Chairman of the Board of Directors of Jive Records, Martin Stevens, to try to work out some kind of deal. He was running late, but at that moment, he couldn’t have cared less. There was little that Martin could say that would talk Brian out of suing Jive to get out of his contract. His fellow Backstreet Boys were behind him 100 percent; If Brian walked, they all walked.

Brian’s lawyer, Cooper Michaels, was waiting for him in the lobby of the bustling New York City law firm of Lewis, Greene and Michaels. Brian couldn’t help but to smirk to himself when he saw the frustrated look that played on Cooper’s face as he paced the marble floor and stared at his watch impatiently. Cooper glanced at the door and stopped pacing when he saw Brian standing in the doorway.

Brian walked the rest of the short distance to his perturbed lawyer and smiled. “What’s up, Coop?”

“Brian,” Cooper started before glancing back down at his watch, “you are half an hour late. Mr. Stevens doesn’t have all day to sit around waiting for you. This is a very serious case. If we can’t work something out upstairs, then we’re going to have to go to court. It hardly looks like you’re taking this seriously when you don’t care enough to show up on time.”

Brian shrugged. “It honestly doesn’t matter to me what he thinks. The man that he put in charge on a multi-billion dollar enterprise is the one that screwed up.”

Cooper sighed and shook his head. “I know that you’re agitated, but Brian, Mr. Stevens is a business man. He’s looking at the bottom line when it comes to that contract that you signed. He doesn’t care if your feelings were hurt.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “We’re not talking about my feelings being hurt. We’re talking about fraud. We’re talking about harassment and stalking.”

“While you’re completely right, Brian, we’ve already talked about this. We can press charges against Ben Silverman if you want, but we’ll have to press charges against Alexa Owens, as well. She was a pawn in his scheme, which I’ll be honest with you, I don’t completely understand.”

“You’re not the only one.” Brian mumbled. At the very mention of Alexa’s name, Brian’s muscles tensed. He hated that she had such an emotional impact on him. If Brian had it his way, he would completely forget that she existed. “I’ve already said that I want to keep Alexa out of this.”

“You’ve said that over and over. I understand.” Cooper replied. “I’ve had my secretary tell Mr. Stevens and his lawyers that we’re in an important meeting, but let’s not keep them waiting any longer, hmm?”

Brian shrugged, “Okay, whatever.”

Brian followed Cooper through the lobby to a set of brass plated elevators. They took the elevators up to the thirteenth floor, walked past the reception desk and into a conference room where the aging executive was waiting.

“It’s about time!” Martin Stevens exclaimed when Brian and Cooper walked into the room. “What’s this about, Mr. Littrell? You set this appointment for 9 a.m. to discuss the conditions of your contract? Well, let’s discuss the conditions. You signed a three album deal. When we have our three albums, you and your boys can go where ever else that they’ll take you.”

Brian clenched his jaw and fumed inwardly. He opened his mouth to speak, but Cooper beat him to the punch.

“Mr. Stevens, it’s obvious that you have no idea what we're doing here. My question is whether or not you know what kind of operation that you’re running over at Jive?” Cooper placed his black leather briefcase on top of the glossy table and instructed Brian to sit down.

Brian complied and stared across the table at Martin, who he thought that he knew well. Martin had invited the group into his home years earlier when they were just starting out. He had come to Brian’s wedding. Now Brian was reduced to being the inconvenient “Mr. Littrell”.

“Of course I know what kind of operation that I’m running.” Martin replied, much to the dismay of his lawyers, who were trying to get a word in edgewise. “What I’d like to know is what exactly I’m doing here. Jive has been nothing but good to those boys.”

Cooper scoffed condescendingly. “I wouldn’t necessarily put it that way, especially considering that your top executive hired a young woman to seduce Brian and bring him back to the company.”

Martin laughed. “Though I don’t condone Ben’s actions, if Brian fell for something like that, then it kind of seems like a personal issue.”

Cooper shrugged. “Maybe it would be if it weren’t for the fact that during this time, he was paying her company money. If charged, that would make the company guilty of running a pandering organization and harassment, not to mention the fact that Ben Silverman was having Brian and Ms. Owens followed. Now, while Ms. Owens claims that she quit long ago, there is still the fact that she was paid by Jive at the beginning of the assignment.”

Martin clenched his jaw and turned his attention to Brian. “Not that I think that you have much of a case, Mr. Littrell, but I’m not looking forward to the negative media attention that could spawn because of these allegations. What do you want?”

Brian sighed and stared coldly into Martin’s eyes. “I just want out.”

“You leaving would cause just as much media attention. The only reason I’m giving this case any attention rather than leaving you with whatever allegations that you have is because I know Ms. Owens. I know that she was Ben’s assistant for many years and that she quit recently. So, at least that part of your story is accurate.” Martin replied coolly. “What can I do that would make you stay?”

“What do you need us for?” Brian exclaimed. “What have the Backstreet Boys done for you in the last five years? I don’t understand why you can’t just let us go!”

Martin laughed at Brian’s outburst. “Brian, you staying with the company will be beneficial to the both of us. Until you prove that you can still sell records, I don’t know of any company that will pick you up. Your friends have been working hard. We’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on promotion and recording for the new album. I’m not saying that I completely believe your story. For all I know, you dated Ben’s assistant, things ended badly and now you want to take it out on Jive. But let’s say that this is completely truthful, what would make you stay?”

Brian clenched his jaw and sat back in his leather chair. Martin was right. A lot of time and money had already gone into recording the album and there was no guarantee that they would be picked up by another record company. In fact, the Boys management was sending out feelers and had gotten little response. After all of the support that he’d gotten from his friends, how could he hurt them that way? Maybe he should just leave, though he didn’t know how much that would help. They seem to have an ‘all or nothing’ mentality these days.

Brian sighed, hating that he was about to give in. “Get rid of Silverman and anyone else that had anything to do with his scheme and we’ll stay.”

Martin followed Brian’s lead and sat back in his chair. He wasn’t sure about Brian’s conditions. Hell, he wasn’t completely convinced of Brian’s story. Ben seemed to be good at what he did, but then, there were rumors that the new talent that he had found and signed to Jive hadn’t been his work or instincts at all. Martin smiled and stood up. “I’m going to investigate your claims further, Mr. Littrell. If they prove to be accurate, then I’ll be in touch.”

Brian watched as Martin and his lawyers walked out of the room. Somehow, he felt like a pawn in another corporate game, but maybe it was better to stay with Jive and make sure that Ben wasn’t able to play these games with anyone else. When the door to the conference room shut and Brian and Cooper were alone, Brian turned to his lawyer. “Now what?”

Cooper shrugged. “Now, we wait.”

----------

Alexa opened her eyes slowly, then shut them quickly. The light peeking in from the opened curtains was blinding. She rolled over and reached out for Brian, but she was met by nothing but emptiness. She opened her eyes again and sighed, knowing that it was time to wake up to another day of complete and total misery. Every morning, it was as if it was the first day that she and Brian had broken up. She relived the pain every time that she woke up and he wasn’t there.

She rolled back over and looked up at the red numbers on the digital clock that sat on the bedside table. It was almost noon. She had slept the entire morning away, though she didn’t feel guilty. The only time that she felt good was when she was asleep. Even when she dreamed of Brian, the dreams were happy. That was what made waking up so much harder.

Alexa sat up and stretched. She then climbed out of bed and walked over to the bay window of her second story room. She sat down on the pink cushioned window seat and hugged her knees to her chest as she watched the scene play out below.

Her brother-in-law, Lance, had apparently had the morning off of his state representative duties. He was just now leaving for work and he had Wesley buckled into his car seat ready to be dropped off at his afternoon playgroup. Her very pregnant sister was standing on the sidewalk with her hands placed on her belly, smiling at her boys. Once Lance was sure that Wesley was buckled in safely, he shut the backdoor and walked over to his wife to kiss her goodbye. Before he walked away, he kissed his fingers and placed them on his wife’s belly to tell his unborn baby goodbye as well. There was so much love in the scene that Alexa couldn’t help but to tear up. She wanted so badly what Brooke had. The worst part about it all was that she knew that she could have had that with Brian. Alexa knew with all of her heart that she could have stayed with Brian forever.

After she had left Ben’s office the last time that she’d seen him, Alexa took the two-hour subway ride to Washington, DC, where she then took a taxi and showed up on her sister’s doorstep. Brooke had been surprised to see Alexa, but was glad that she was there. She had openly taken Alexa in and had asked few questions, though she could plainly see that Alexa was visibly distraught. Since then, Alexa had said little. She'd slept through most of the mornings and went to bed early while still helping Brooke out with Wesley as much as she could.

Alexa hadn’t heard a word from Brian since he had walked away from her in their hotel room a week ago. Even though she had told AJ that she’d stay away, she had tried to call Brian a couple more times. She’d left messages, but he’d never called back, though Alexa could understand why. She would hate her as well if she was in his position. She had decided to respect Brian’s unspoken wishes and stop calling. Sometimes, she picked up the phone wanting so badly to dial his number knowing that she would get the voicemail if for nothing else than to hear his voice.

Alexa brushed the newly fallen tears off of her face. She had known that this was going to happen and had no one to blame but herself. She had knowingly let Brian walk into the lion’s den. She had opportunity after opportunity to tell him exactly who she was and who she worked for, but instead, she selfishly wanted to hold onto him for as long as possible. She’d made the worst mistake that she could have made by trusting that Ben would just leave them be.

Suddenly, there was a soft knocking at the door as Brooke peeked her head inside Alexa's room. Alexa wiped her remaining tears out of her eyes and avoided looking at her sister. “Hey.”

Brooke looked at Alexa, skeptically trying to catch her eye. “Hey, yourself. I just wanted to come up to see if you wanted to go get some lunch? Wes is with his play group today, so we're free for most of the afternoon.”

“Um,” Alexa replied with a shrug. “You know, I think that I just want to hang out around here.”

Brooke sighed. She had let Alexa slip by in this mood for long enough. When she had tried asking if everything was okay, Alexa had simple responses about things not working out the way that she wanted them to or about wasting so much time at her dead end job, but Brooke was smarter than that. There was something going on here. “Okay, Alexa, you've been moping around here for days now. What's going on?”

“Nothing is going on.” Alexa defended. “I told you. Things just haven't really been going my way. I'm fine.”

“How can you tell me that you're fine? You sleep all day. You've obviously been crying. You showed up here days ago and you were a mess then.” Brooke walked over to the window seat and sat down by Alexa's feet. She placed a hand on Alexa's knee. “Tell me what's going on, Aly. I'm worried about you.”

Alexa sighed. She didn't like that Brooke was worried. In all honesty, there was nothing to be worried about. Alexa was suffering the consequences of poor decisions and a broken heart. “I just did some stupid things, okay? That's it.”

Brooke waited, hoping that Alexa would continue. “You can't leave it like that. That you did some stupid things? What kind of stupid things? Illegal stupid things? Or twenty-something-year-old stupid things?”

Alexa shrugged. “Just stupid things.”

“Okay,” Brooke started. She was now beginning to get frustrated. “This is starting to get a little ridiculous. I'm your sister Alexa. You can tell me anything.”

Alexa looked over at Brooke. Another tiny piece of her heart broke off at the look on her sister's face. Brooke really was worried about her. “I don't even know where to begin.”

“Try.” Brooke pleaded.

Alexa sighed and bit her trembling lip. “I fell in love, Brooke. I fell in love with this amazing man and I screwed it all up before it even started.”

“Oh, Aly.” Brooke replied. She scooted closer, actually glad that  Alexa was suffering from a broken heart. That, at least, she could relate to. “Tell me what happened.”

“Do you promise not to be all judgmental?” Alexa questioned as a fresh set of tears fell down her face.

Brooke looked at her quizzically. “Oh-kay.”

“And don't say anything until I'm finished?” Alexa wiped her tears with the back of her hand as she waited for Brooke's response.

“Yeah, fine.” Brooke was starting to get worried again. Maybe this particular broken heart wasn't going to be one that she was going to be able to relate to after all?

“Okay, so when I was in Georgia, I really was there on assignment, but it didn't have anything to do with the Dirty South-”

“Duh.” Brooke interrupted, rolling her eyes.

Alexa tilted her head sideways. “You promised.”

Brooke zipped her lips with her fingers and then held her hands up signaling for Alexa to continue.

“Anyway, I wasn't researching rap music. I was there on a Backstreet Boys assignment that Ben sent me on. To my defense, I never had any plans of ever following through. I was going to use the assignment as a vacation, but then I met Brian.” Alexa's voice cracked as she said his name. Once again, she could feel her heart tearing.

“As in the Backstreet Boy?”

Alexa inhaled deeply to keep from sheading any tears and then nodded. “Yes as in the Backstreet Boy and I thought that your lips were zipped?”

“They are,” Brooke replied. “I'm just trying to understand.”

“Well, Brian's wife died on September 11. You and I even talked about that on the phone one day from my office, remember?"

Brooke nodded impatiently, wondering what Brian's wife had to do with anything.

"That was actually the day that Ben asked me to go on this stupid assignment.” Alexa paused, remembering the day that Ben cornered her in his office and asked her to go to Georgia.

Brooke sat by attempting to wait patiently. She was trying to uphold her promise, but Alexa had stopped in the middle of her thought. “And?”

“And Ben asked me to go down to Georgia and befriend Brian. He wanted Brian to come back to the company. Brian was pretty distraught over the death of his wife and he didn't want to sing anymore. At first, I said no way. Then Jenny convinced me that we should go together, like I said, vacation. I never had any intention of ever talking to Brian. I ended up moving into an empty house across the street from his house. Well, I met Brian my first day there. Ben wasn't even in my mind. It was all downhill from there. I fell in love with him so fast and he fell in love with me, too, though it was hard for him to admit to at first. We spent the holidays together in Kentucky. I met his family. He's... amazing. Everything about him is so incredible, Brooke.” Alexa stopped as she began to choke on her words again. The tears in her eyes were now blinding.

Brooke still didn't exactly understand. Was Alexa being paid to sleep with Brian? Did Brian find out? What happened? “I'm not quite understanding, Aly.”

“Ben was paying me for a while to be friends with Brian. Nothing happened while I was getting paid, nothing really. I mean, I was in a bad place. I needed the money. Ben just wanted me to go to Georgia for a while. How was I supposed to know that Brian was going to open up to me? I thought that if no one else could get him to open up, what would be so different about me?” Alexa ran a hand through her hair and rested her head on top of her knees. “To make a long story short, Brian and I got together. I quit Jive. He started singing again. We went to New York and Ben told him everything after he promised one of Brian's friends that he wouldn't say anything. Brian was understandably destroyed when he found out and I haven't spoken to him since.”

“And what about Ben? Have you spoken to him?” Brooke asked, trying to wrap her mind around the facts.

“Once.” Alexa nodded. “I gave him back all of the money that he had paid me. I didn't want it. Everything that I felt for Brian was so real. He could have been the one for me, Brooke. He could have been my everything.”

Brooke felt terrible for her sister. Alexa had just been a pawn in one of Ben's ugly games. She took her sister's hand and squeezed it gently. “If that was true then, it's going to be true now. He might just need some time to think things through. You said that he loved you. Something like that doesn't go away. If he was the one for you when you were in Georgia, he's still the one for you today, tomorrow and every day after. You have to let it all play out. You can't lock yourself up and be an emotional mess. You have to be strong and live your life.”

“I don't know how to live without him anymore, Brooke.” Alexa sobbed. “I wake up every morning and I reach for him. I see him in my dreams. I close my eyes just to picture his face. I strain my ears to hear anything that he ever said to me. I miss him so much.”

Brooke pulled Alexa into a hug and rocked her back and forth gently. “Alexa, having a broken heart is one of the hardest things that you'll ever have to go through, especially when you feel so completely guilty about it, but you did the right thing. You gave Ben his money back and you're giving Brian his space. At some point, the two of you will meet again. In the meantime, I am here for you. You can cry on my shoulder. You can talk to me. I don't want you to shut me out because you think that I'll judge you. We all make mistakes.”

Alexa nodded. “I know and it wasn't just that. I just didn't want it to be real."

“I know.” Brooke let go of Alexa and leaned back. “Look, I'm starving. Get dressed, come to lunch with me. I want to hear everything about him. It'll help you stop crying if you think of all the good things and good times. I don't know anything about Backstreet Brian or just plain old Brian. I want to know about the guy that has my baby sister in tears. You never cried over Aaron.”

Alexa laughed through her tears. “Aaron was gay.”

“What?” Brooke exclaimed.

“It's a long story.” Alexa replied while wiping her eyes.

“And you'll tell me over lunch?” Brooke questioned.

Alexa nodded and tried to smile as Brooke stood up and waddled out of the room leaving Alexa alone to get dressed. Alexa had to admit, it did feel kind of good to have someone to confide in. There were very few people in this world that knew that she and Brian had ever existed. Now that she had spoken the words out loud to someone else, it made the past that much more real and while part of that past was so good, it also meant that the bad part existed, too. That was the part that Alexa wished could simply be erased.

--------

Brian arrived back home to Georgia almost two weeks after that fateful day in Ben Silverman’s office. Besides having meetings with his lawyers to discuss the Jive issue, Brian just didn’t want to have to go back to a house that held memories of not only one, but two women that he once loved with all of his heart. As he stood in the living room, it was as if Alexa never existed. All of his things were still in their places and the holes that he had made in the walls when he and Alexa had returned from Kentucky had been covered up long ago. He knew, however, that waiting for him in his bedroom were all of the clothes that she had left when they went to New York and in his garage were the boxes that he had stacked when he had asked her to stay in Georgia. When he thought back to that morning that she was getting ready to return to New York, Alexa had told him that there were some things about her past that he needed to know, but he had been too stupid to listen. So, did that make his misery no one’s fault but his own or should she have tried harder to get him to listen?

The night that he and Alexa had broken up, AJ had told him that he was sure that Alexa was gone and that it would be okay to go back to his hotel room. Throughout the days, Brian kept imagining soft knocks at the door. Sometimes, he would get up to make sure that no one was there. There were times when he wished desperately that Alexa was on the other side of the door just so that he could see her again. Then, he would hate himself for wanting her so badly after every lie that she had told him. She had been getting paid to sleep with him for Christ’s sake!

The day that Alexa left, she had left his house key and a letter lying on the desk in the hotel room. He had turned that letter around in his hands. He had unfolded it, stared at her loopy handwriting and then folded it back again. He crumpled it, threw it in the trash and then went back to the garbage can to retrieve it. He’d done everything he could do to the letter, except for read it. He didn’t want to read her apologies or her excuses; though Brian didn’t know if that was because it would be too easy to forgive all of the deceitful things that she had done or if it was because he didn’t want to be reminded of it all. When Brian left New York, he took the letter with him, but he left her house key sitting where she left it on the desk. It may seem like it was just a key, but to Brian it was another reminder of Alexa’s pouty lips, clear blue eyes and infectious smile.

Brian dropped his suitcase on the floor in the living room and walked over to the window where he used to stand and admire Alexa from afar. The house was dark, quiet. There was no evidence of all of the memories that had been made there. No evidence of how he and Alexa had made love until the sun rose in the morning when they had first gotten together. No evidence of how something as simple as a pizza dinner shared with someone who was seemingly detached from his former life had been able to finally bring Brian back from the dark. Nothing had been able to keep him away from her. Maybe she had been telling the truth? Maybe she never really did have any intentions of talking to him? Maybe Brian was the one who had unknowingly put their relationship into overdrive. She had made the first attempts at dinner when she brought that first pizza over to his house, but he had gone back to her. He had asked her to go for a walk with him and Tyke in the dog park. He had brought dinner over to what he thought was her house later on that week.

Brian didn’t have the answers. All he knew was that he was miserable without her. He hated himself for being so weak. He had let the death of his wife destroy him; he couldn’t let this destroy him, too. Brian slammed the shades shut with a smack and grabbed his keys. He wasn’t going to be alone tonight.

--------

A couple days later, Ben Silverman walked into his downtown luxury apartment and threw his briefcase down onto the coffee table. He hadn't been home this early in years.

The Board of Directors waited until the end of the week at 5 o'clock to call him into an important meeting. It was close to being time for his annual review, so Ben went in thinking that he was going to be getting a pat on the back and a raise. He had, after all, brought the Backstreet Boys back to Jive. He'd heard through the grapevine that they had decided to stay with the company instead of trying to fight against the contracts that they had signed. In Ben's mind, he'd won.

Instead, Ben had gotten fired. Apparently, Brian's bite was as loud as his bark. He had gone to his lawyers and to the Board of Directors and told them everything. Why did I give him those pictures? Ben thought to himself angrily. I should have known better than that!

His entire life was going to change. Brian and Alexa's actions had ruined him. There wasn't a record company in the world that was going to hire him with the reputation that he now had. Brian wasn't supposed to find out the way that he had. It was all supposed to look like Alexa's doing, but because of Alexa, AJ had come in threatening him-- saying that they weren't going to sign the contracts unless he promised to leave Brian and Alexa alone. Ha! No one threatens Ben Silverman. So, he threw those pictures at Brian, more as a statement to AJ than anything else. Now, he'd lost his job.

Ben walked over to his liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of scotch. He grabbed a shot glass from the cabinet and pour the scotch in to the rim. He tilted his head back and swallowed the liquor in one gulp before slamming the shot glass onto the counter with a thud. At that moment, he made a vow to himself that he intended to keep no matter the circumstances. Alexa Owens was going to pay for ruining him.

Brian wiggled uncomfortably in his sleep. Someone was in his bed, touching him in places that had, until recently, been reserved for those whom he loved very much. With his eyes still closed, Brian grabbed the woman’s hand and threw it off of him. “What are you still doing here?”

He opened his eyes and rolled his head over to where a blonde-haired woman was staring down at him. She was propped up on one elbow, fully unclothed. The smile that she wore on her face evaporated when she saw the less-than-playful look in Brian’s eyes. Brian didn’t even know this woman’s name, though that wasn’t completely unusual for him in the weeks that had passed since he had returned back to Georgia. He had started going out regularly to local bars and clubs and bringing home the first woman that showed a sign of interest by the time that he was drunk enough to have the courage to follow through.

The flavor of the night last night? Blonde, big-chested, blue eyes, tacky 80s hair. The thought that he had actually been inside of this woman caused his stomach to churn.

“What do you mean what am I still doing here?” The woman replied in her southern Georgia twang. She narrowed her eyes and sat up quickly. “We shared something special last night.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “No, what we had last night was sex. Period.” He tossed the blanket off of his naked body and slung his legs to the ground. He picked up a pair of sweatpants that were lying on the floor next to the bed and pulled them quickly up over his legs. He picked up his cell phone and dialed an all-too-familiar number.

“Thanks for calling ABC Taxi. How may I help you?” The uninterested receptionist answered the phone.

“This is Brian Littrell of 7654 Swann Lane. I need a driver please.” Brian replied. The line was starting to come to him naturally.

“Yes, sir, Mr. Littrell. Someone will be to your house in fifteen minutes.” The receptionist responded. He could hear the smile in her voice. She knew that the company was picking up yet another woman being thrown from Brian’s home.

Brian thanked the receptionist and snapped his cell phone shut. He stood up from his seated position on the bed and walked around the room, picking up items of the blonde-woman’s clothes and throwing them to her on the bed. “Get dressed. Your cab will be waiting outside in fifteen minutes.” He then pulled a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet and threw it down next to her. “That should get you back to where you came from.”

The woman stared at Brian with her mouth hanging open. She looked around the room slowly. “You’re married, aren’t you? Need to get me out of here before the wife gets back?”

Brian slapped his hand to his forehead. He had never let himself get into this position. He let himself fall asleep with a clingy woman. She was supposed to have left before he had fallen asleep. “No, I’m not married. It’s just sex. That’s it. Now leave my house.”

The blonde dressed quickly and walked around the room slowly. She assumed that there had to be something wrong with him. She had never been kicked out of anyone’s bed before, married or not. The woman peeked into the closet. It was full of a woman’s clothes. She pulled out a sexy red dress and held it up to herself, checking for size. She walked out of the closet and stood in front of the full-length mirror that was in the corner of Brian’s room. “Hmm, nice dress. You’re not married, huh? Are you a cross dresser or something?” She remarked, smirking sarcastically.

Brian walked over to her angrily and snatched the dress out of her hands. He clenched his jaw. That was the dress that Alexa had worn for Christmas. Now, this whore’s hands had tarnished it. “I’m not married. I don’t have a girlfriend. I’m not a cross-dresser. Keep your filthy hands off of my things.”

“That’s not what you said last night.” The woman said while wiggling her eyebrows.

Brian shook his head and grabbed the woman by the wrist. He hastily pulled her out of his room, down the stairs and through the living room. He slapped the twenty dollar bill into her hand and opened the front door. “I used you to fulfill my sexual desires for one night. That’s it. You don’t mean anything to me. I don’t know your name and I don’t care to. Leave my house and NEVER come back again.”

A shocked expression tainted the woman’s face. She didn’t look hurt, only surprised. Brian turned her around and pushed her out of the front door. Luckily, the taxi was just pulling up in front of his house. He slammed the door in the woman’s face before she was able to say another word. Brian turned around and leaned his back against the door. He banged his head against the wooden door slowly, over and over.

How, out of all of the women in Atlanta last night, did I happen to pick the one that was nuts? Brian thought to himself with a sigh. He then shrugged. I always have tonight to redeem myself.

-------

Within the last month, Brooke and Lance had finally followed through with their plans to leave Washington, DC and buy a new, larger house in the town of Chevy Chase, Maryland. In their new neighborhood, they were surrounded by other politicians and influential people who worked in the DC area. Now, Brooke was left with the difficult task of putting together a formal housewarming party for all of their neighbors and for Lance's co-workers and supporters. That was the challenge of trying to juggle being a mother, pregnant woman and the wife of a State Representative.

Alexa awoke much earlier than usual the morning of the party, thinking that she was doing a good thing. As she walked down the stairs however, she realized that even waking up at the hour that she had wasn't early enough. Brooke was already making phone calls, directing the florist and getting the caterer's set up in the kitchen, all the while, holding her two-year-old son on her hip.

Alexa stood at the edge of the stairs and crossed her arms. She couldn't help but to smile to herself at the scene. It was only a party, but Brooke was about ready to pull her hair out. They had barely moved into the new house when this party was starting to be planned. Lance had said that the intended guests would understand why they hadn't thrown a party, considering Brooke's present condition, but Brooke wasn't going to let anything as small as not throwing a party when moving into a prominent political neighborhood cause Lance any more trouble than it was worth. She was a good wife, but it was times like these when Alexa re-thought her aspirations to have what Brooke did.

Alexa watched as Brooke whizzed past without so much as looking at her as she made her way from the kitchen to the foyer area where the florists were beginning to unpack their flowers. Brooke then backed up a few steps, realizing that she'd just walked past Alexa.

“Finally, you're up!” Brooke exclaimed, practically out of breath. She handed Wesley to Alexa.

“I thought that I was doing good. I came down here to help, but apparently I'm late.” Alexa replied as she made a face at Wesley which caused him to smile.

“You have no idea. There is so much to do. I have no idea why I got myself into this.” Brooke ran a hand through her hair and sighed.

“You did it because you're a good wife who cares about her husband, but you really need to take it easy.” Alexa replied. “Tell me what you need me to do.”

“Thank you for looking out for me, but I'll be fine if you can just take Wes upstairs and entertain him for a while.” Brooke responded. She put her hands on her hips and tried to smile at Alexa. “It's too much trouble to carry him around and I can't have him tottering around the house with the door constantly being opened and people coming in and out and all of the strangers in the house.”

“I completely understand.” Alexa bounced Wes on her hip and kissed the side of his head. “I'll take him upstairs to play for a little while. Are you sure that there's nothing down here that you want me to do?”

“I'm sure.” Brooke replied, nodding slowly. “By lunch time, everything should be running smoothly, so we'll go out somewhere if you want? Are you doing okay today?”

Alexa laughed and switched the wiggling baby from her left hip to her right. “You don't have to worry about me so much, you know. I'm okay. I miss him everyday, but I'm not going to die.”

Brooke laughed softly. “I know, but I know that it's hard sometimes, especially considering the tabloid news that's been coming out about him lately.”

Alexa shook her head. “I don't listen to that mess. He's not like that. I was the first woman that he was with after his wife died. It wouldn't make sense.”

“That's what he told you, but Alexa-”

“No.” Alexa interrupted. Brooke didn't know Brian like she did. She didn't see the pain that was written across Brian's face every day. Besides, Brian hadn't told her that to try to get her into bed. It came out in a casual conversation and even then, he had been embarrassed by the information. Alexa thought that it was sweet. “He never lied to me about anything. He never had any reason to.”

Brooke nodded her head slowly. “Okay. I can't argue with you. I don't know him.”

Alexa sighed. “I don't want to talk about Brian.”

Alexa then turned to go back upstairs to entertain Brooke's infant son. She walked up the stairs into Wesley's room, shut the door and put him on the floor amidst his toys. She sat down on the floor next to Wesley and sighed. She wasn't supposed to have Brian on her mind today. She was supposed to be kept busy, helping Brooke.

Brian's face had been splashed over all the news rags in the supermarket. He was the Backstreet playboy. Alexa couldn't believe that the rumors were true. It wasn't like Brian to go out at night, let alone to bring women home with him. Alexa knew him as a friend for long enough to know his dating habits, although that was before, when he was depressed about his wife. By the time that he wasn't mourning Hayden's death anymore, he was with Alexa.

The one thing that Alexa couldn't wrap her mind around was that if it weren't true, why would the tabloids pick now to run rumors about Brian Littrell's love life? Nick had always had an active dating life as had AJ.

Alexa shook her head. No. Brian wasn't like that. He was fine.

--------

In a swanky hotel room in Baltimore, Maryland, Colin Michaels was straightening his tie in the vanity mirror that was attached to a small makeup table. He brushed his blonde, wavy hair back and sprayed it into place. His cell phone vibrated on the table next to him. He smirked at the phone number that flashed at the screen.

“Hello?” He answered, smiling.

“Have you left yet?”

“I'm on my way out the door now.” Colin replied, slipping his coat jacket over his shoulders.

“Do you remember your instructions?”

Colin rolled his eyes. “Your big plan isn't that hard to remember. I've got it. Let me do my job.”

“Outside by midnight?”

“Absolutely.” Colin slapped his cell phone shut. This was going to be the easiest ten-thousand dollars that he'd ever made.

-------

Later that night, Alexa walked out of her bedroom and down the hardwood floored hallway. She stood on the second story, holding onto the banister nervously. The party had been in full swing for almost an hour now. For some reason, Alexa was reluctant to leave the safety of her bedroom. Brian had been on her mind all night. Earlier that afternoon, Alexa had been flipping through the television channels and had stopped on the E! Network. There was a blonde woman talking about her recent night with Brian and the rude way that he had treated her afterwards. If the stories were true, Brian's taste in woman sure had gone downhill recently.

Alexa sighed and decided that she needed to join the party. She did, after all, live in the house. She needed to show her face at some point.

Alexa descended the staircase slowly, trying to draw as little attention to herself as possible. She caught Brooke's eye and smiled. Brooke waved her over, but she pointed  to the bar. If she was going to survive these people, she needed a drink.

She walked directly over to the bar and ordered a vodka martini with an olive. The bartender turned away from her with a smile and poured the martini mix and vodka into a tumbler. Alexa turned around and leaned her back against the bar so that she could scan the crowd. There were so many people that she recognized, but couldn't name, which in all honesty was a shame. These were the people that were making all of the decisions for the country and she couldn't even tell you who they were. Brooke had tried to go through a mental checklist and inform her of the people that she may need to know, but Alexa had been uninterested. She wanted to show her face, say hello and then retreat back to her bedroom upstairs. There was a lot of work put into her hair and makeup for an hour-long appearance, but Alexa wasn't much in the mood for a party.

Alexa turned back around as the bartender set her glass on the makeshift bar top. Alexa thanked him and turned back around as she took a sip of her drink. Across the room, she noticed an attractive dark-blonde haired man staring at her. She averted her eyes, not wanting to make small talk with one of Lance’s friends. Not that Lance’s friends were excessively boring, but Alexa had enough trouble with men in her life as it was. As she pushed away from the bar in attempts to find her sister, the blonde man excused himself from the conversation that he was having with another woman and walked over to her. Apparently, her willingness of avoidance wasn’t in the cards.

Alexa gave the man a small smile as he approached. She could have just walked away, but that would have been rude, right?

“You’ll have to excuse me for staring, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. You’re absolutely breathtaking.” The stranger remarked once he was close enough for their conversation to be intimate.

There was something strange about him. His tanned skin was completely out of place for Maryland in late-April and his eyes were so intense that it made Alexa a little bit nervous. Still, she couldn’t help but to roll her eyes at his comment. “Is that the same thing that you said to the red head that you were just talking to over there?” Alexa replied, looking around him to nod toward the woman to whom he had just been speaking.

The man looked down and laughed softly. “So, you obviously noticed me as well, then?”

“Only because you were staring holes into the back on my head.” Alexa raised her eyebrows and took a sip of her drink.

The stranger laughed again and then extended his hand. “Maybe we should try this again. I’m Colin.”

Alexa set her drink down and extended her hand as well. “Alexa.”

“Well, Alexa. I understand that you live here?” Colin asked, taking a small sip out of the champagne glass that he was holding.

“You understand correctly.” Alexa replied, racking her brain for a way to get out of having this conversation.

“How did you end up here in Little DC?” Colin asked, trying to make small talk. Alexa really is beautiful. He thought to himself. How could I have asked for a better gig?

Alexa sighed, finally deciding to talk to the man. What was the worst that could happen? “My brother-in-law and sister own the house. She’s the pregnant one with the hot brunette on her arm?” Alexa pointed them out across the room.

Colin looked back and nodded. “Oh, right. I spoke to them earlier in the evening. They’re a beautiful family. Baby number two, right?”

Alexa nodded. “Baby number two. So, if you don’t know Lance and Brooke, what are you doing here?”

“Apparently, God sent me to meet you.” Colin replied with a smirk.

Alexa laughed out loud. “Is this seriously how you pick up women?”

Colin laughed and shook his head. “No. Not usually, not at all. I’m trying something new tonight. Is it working?”

“Not even close.” Alexa replied, shaking her head.

“How about I try a different approach and wow you with my dancing abilities?” Colin extended his hand to her palm up.

Alexa contemplated the idea. Would it be wrong of her to dance with him simply because she wanted nothing more than to be in someone’s arms for a dance while he was obviously interested in her? Alexa sighed and gave him her hand. “Okay. One dance. It you don’t wow me, then this love affair is over.”

Colin laughed and nodded. “You got it.”

Across the room, Brooke was visually scanning the bar for Alexa. She was just supposed to be getting a drink. What was taking her so long? Brooke’s eyes finally fell to the dance floor where Alexa was in the arms of a tall, tanned man. They were posing for a picture for the photographer from the Washington Post society pages. Brooke smiled to herself, glad that Alexa was taking the step of finally allowing herself to talk to other men after her break-up with Brian. Brooke tried to get a good look at the man to see if she knew him, but when he turned around, she realized that she didn’t recognize him at all. Brooke pulled on her husband’s hand to get his attention.

Lance turned and excused himself from the conversation that he was having and turned to Brooke. “Are you okay? Do you need to sit down for a while?”

Brooke shook her head and waved him off. “I’m fine.” She then nodded toward Alexa on the small dance floor across from them. “Do you know the guy that Alexa is dancing with?”

Lance shook his head. “No. He must just be someone who lives in the neighborhood. At least she’s making the best of this party instead of moping over some guy that can’t see the big picture.”

“Lance,” Brooke responded with a sigh. “Alexa messed up. You can’t blame it all on Brian.”

Lance shrugged. “Yeah, but anyone that knows Alexa knows that she cares about people. It’s just a shame that the man that she fell in love with couldn’t see that.”

Brooke nodded and tore her gaze away from Alexa and the man with whom she was dancing. She smiled at her husband. “I love that you love my sister so much.”

“I love you and Alexa’s your family, which makes her my family.” Lance smiled and kissed Brooke softly. “I’m protective over my own sisters, too. It’s comes with the territory of being a brother.”

Brooke smiled and intertwined Lance’s fingers with her own. “Well, Mr. Over-protective, how about you come protect me during a dance?”

Lance smiled and pulled his wife behind him onto the dance floor. Brooke gazed at Alexa again. She had a sinking feeling that something wasn’t right, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Maybe it was her mother’s instinct to watch over Alexa that was causing the nerves. She shook her head. Alexa’s a big girl and besides, it was only a dance.

-------

Across the country in Georgia, Brian was at home doing what he seemed to do best these days. There was a half-empty bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table and an empty bottle lying on the floor. Brian was on the couch on top of a brunette that was in her early twenties. On top of the woman’s head was a tiara that read, “Buy me a drink, I’m 21 today!”

Tonight, Brian had gone to a college hotspot in Atlanta near the University of Georgia. As he usually did, he sat at the bar drinking beer after beer until he was drunk enough not to care. Of course there were some woman at the bar who knew exactly who he was, but at that moment, it didn’t matter to him. College students were used to the type of activity that Brian wanted. Have a little fun for the night and say goodbye in the morning. Being a Backstreet Boy, didn’t exactly hurt his chances either, especially in this crowd.

In Brian’s living room, the woman moaned as Brian kissed her neck softly. She pulled Brian’s collared shirt off in one fatal swoop and traced the muscles on his chest with a finger. Brian moved his mouth back up to meet the woman’s and slipped his hand under her shirt, not stopping until he found her bra-less chest. The woman’s back arched as Brian gently rolled her nipple around between his thumb and forefinger. She reached down to unbutton his pants, not wanting to wait any longer.

Then, the doorbell rang.

Brian looked back toward the door, not having any idea who could be behind it, though he knew who he wanted it to be—even though he knew that if it was her, he’d only tell her to leave.

The woman on lying on Brian’s couch reached into Brian’s pants and moaned. “Ignore it.”

Agreeing, Brian turned back to the woman and pulled the lace camisole that she was wearing over her head. Just as he was bringing his mouth down to her breasts, the doorbell rang again. Brian groaned. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.” He punctuated his statement by kissing one of the woman’s hardened nipples softly.

“Hurry back.” She purred as Brian ran through the living room to the foyer. He zipped and buttoned his pants along the way. When he opened the door, he was taken aback to see AJ standing on his doorstep. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, hello to you, too.” AJ replied, “I was in the neighborhood and thought that I’d stop by. Are you going to let me in?”

“Now is really not a good time.” Brian remarked, stepping out onto the front porch and closing the door behind him. “I didn’t know that you were going to be in town.”

AJ shrugged. “I was on a flight from New York to Orlando and had a layover in Atlanta when my flight got delayed. I won’t be leaving until the morning. I didn’t figure that you’d mind if I crashed here.”

Brian sighed. “Yeah. Of course you can stay. It’s just that,” Brian paused, trying to get his words right. “It’s just that I kind of had a lay-over, too, if you get what I’m saying.”

AJ shook his head and walked around Brian through the front door. “Yeah, I get what you’re saying and I think it’s sick. I was kind of hoping that the rumors weren’t true.”

Brian grabbed AJ’s arm and pulled him back. “First of all, that’s rather hypocritical don’t you think? Secondly, just wait a minute.”

Brian walked past AJ into the living room and over to the half-naked girl that was lying on the couch. AJ followed behind, though Brian had asked him to wait. AJ was no prude by any definition of the word, but seeing a barely legal girl lying on Brian’s couch was enough to even throw him back a couple of steps. Not that he was against dating younger women, but it wasn’t like Brian to date a different one every night and it certainly wasn’t like him to bring one home that was a good TEN YEARS younger than he was.

“Oh,” the very-drunk woman said when she saw both Brian and AJ walk into the room. “Are we going to have a Backstreet threesome? Because, really, that’s hot.”

AJ’s face scrunched at the idea. Though he knew that women had fantasies, too, he didn’t even want to imagine going there with any of his brothers… ever.

“No, Baby,” Brian replied, softly as he picked her shirt up off of the floor. “Why don’t you go on upstairs and make yourself comfortable. I’ll be up in a minute. It’s the second door on the right.”

The woman smiled seductively and leaned up to kiss Brian softly. “Don’t keep me waiting too long.” She got up off of the couch and waved to AJ.

AJ was severely creeped out by the display that he had just witnessed. Once the woman disappeared up the stairs, he turned to Brian. “Have you lost your God-forsaken mind?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Brian spat back. He wasn’t really appreciating AJ coming into his house and telling him how to live his life.

“Do you even know that girl’s name?” AJ asked, pointing up the stairs as if Brian had no idea to whom he was referring.

“Do you want to be the pot or the kettle today, Alex?” Brian exclaimed angrily. “Why do you have to hold me up to so much of a higher standard? If I was Nick, you’d be patting me on the back!”

“Well, for one, it’s not quite as weird for Nick to be sleeping with someone like that, but she might as well call you GRANDPA!” AJ argued. “I know that you’re hurting, Brian, but sleeping with random women isn’t the way to get over your pain. I would know.”

“That just proves that you don’t know anything, because I’m not hurting. I have nothing to be hurting over.” Brian clenched his jaw and stared back at AJ coldly. His fight with AJ was sobering Brian too quickly, which was only putting him in a worse mood. “I’m sick of you thinking that I can’t handle myself. I’m sick of your worry. I’m sick of your pity. People break-up every day, AJ. She’s just a girl. That’s it. Now, I’ve got a smoking hot woman waiting for me upstairs. You know where the guest rooms are. Sleep there. Sleep here in the living room. Find a hotel. I don’t care. Just don’t try to live my life for me!”

Brian left AJ standing there shaking his head with worry. He didn’t need AJ to tell him what to do. He didn’t need some woman telling him what to do. Maybe he didn’t enjoy the life that he was living now, but at least it was bearable compared to what it’s like when he’s alone. Whether Brian wanted to admit it to AJ or not, he missed Alexa every second of every day. Seeing other woman kept him occupied and kept his mind off of the deceitful things that Alexa had done. More so, it simply kept his mind off of Alexa. Brian was going to sleep with as many women as it would take until he stopped thinking about Alexa altogether.

-------

Throughout the night, Colin had not left Alexa’s side. It was nice to have the complete attention of another man, but as nice of a guy as Colin was, Alexa just couldn’t see herself trying to date someone right now, which was seemingly exactly what Colin wanted. He had been so attentive all night. He’d asked her questions about her life and her family, though she refused to get too personal with him.

It was nearing midnight. Colin was talking about his political aspirations. Alexa yawned, which caused him to smirk. “Am I boring you that much?”

Alexa laughed and shook her head. “No, not at all. It’s just been a long day.”

Colin looked down and his watch at nodded. His conscience was starting to get the best of him. He didn’t know what the man that hired him to lure her outside wanted her for or why he couldn’t do it himself, but he assumed that neither of those answers could possibly have good intentions. Now that he’d gotten to know Alexa, he could see where it would be easy to want to be around her more. Colin sighed. “I actually need to go soon. Can I see you again?”

Alexa smiled and looked down shyly. “You can see me again, sure, but as friends. I just kind of got out of this pretty serious relationship.”

Colin smiled and nodded. “Okay. I can take being friends. Hopefully, you won’t he hung up over this guy forever.”

Alexa laughed softly. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”

“We can talk about him next time.” Colin replied. “Will you at least walk me to my car, hostess?”

Alexa nodded. “That, I can do.”

Colin stood up and extended his hand to Alexa, helping her up from where she was seated. Alexa lead him to the front door. He opened the door and allowed her to exit first. They walked down the sidewalk together slowly. “I had a really great time with you tonight.”

Alexa smiled. “Now, you’re really making it sound like we were on a date or something.”

Colin smiled and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “You’re all right, Alexa.” He pulled Alexa into a hug and kissed her forehead softly. Just as he looked up, a man dressed in black from head to toe emerged from behind a row of cars in front of him. Colin really hadn’t imagined what he was getting himself into.

Alexa noticed the look on Colin’s face and turned around. She was met by a man holding a golf club as if it were a bat. Before she had the chance to react, the golf club met the side of Alexa’s head and everything went black.

“What are you doing?” Colin yelled as he crouched down beside Alexa and checked that her breathing and pulse were stable. “Are you crazy? You weren’t supposed to hurt her!”

Ben Silverman turned to Colin and laughed softly. “Tell me Colin, why exactly did you think that I hired you? Did you think that I wanted to ask her out, but was too shy? Did you think that I couldn’t get into that party on my own? I got you the invitation; why do you think that I couldn’t have just kept it for myself? The thing about this arrangement Colin is that I didn’t tell you anything and I didn’t tell you anything on purpose. Now, Alexa’s blood is on your hands, too.”

Colin stood and shook his head. “No.” He backed away from Ben slowly. “No. You’re not going to get away with this. There are important people inside of that house.”

Ben narrowed his eyes and smiled evilly. He tossed the golf club to side, reached into his black jacket and pulled out a shiny black gun. He pointed the gun at Colin and laughed. “You really think that I’m going to let you walk away from here? I wasn't always a bad man, Colin. I’m still not a bad man, but when someone interferes with my life, revenge is the only word on my lips. You really don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into.”

“Listen, Buddy, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know anything about your life or about what went on between you and Alexa, but it’s not too late to turn this around and walk away.” Colin held up his hands and continued to walk back toward the house. “You don’t want to shoot that gun.”

Ben tilted his head and lowered the gun as if he was thinking about what Colin had proposed. “No,” he finally responded, “I think that I do.”

Colin let out a scream as Ben quickly raised the gun and pulled the trigger. Colin instantly fell to the ground while Ben stashed the gun away back into his jacket. He picked Alexa up off of the ground where she was lying, unconscious and bleeding. Before walking away, Ben dropped a note written on a yellow piece of lined paper. He then ran to a white, economy-sized van that he had waiting on the street.

Moments later, guests came pouring out of Brooke and Lance’s home. The only vision of Ben that was left was the flash of red tail lights disappearing around the corner and out of sight. Brooke’s hand flew to her mouth when she noticed that the man that Alexa had been spending so much time with that night was lying on the hard cement sidewalk with blood pouring from his chest.

Lance rushed over to Colin and leaned over him. He wasn’t breathing. “Everyone get back inside and someone call 9-1-1!” Lance called out into the crowd. All of the guests stayed in place, wanting to be in the center of the drama. “Now!”

Many of the guests didn’t appreciate being ordered around by their young host but they obliged and returned back inside of the house.

“Lance.” Brooke called meekly. She was scanning the guests for Alexa and was beginning to panic when she couldn’t find her. “Lance.”

Lance turned to Brooke. “Go inside, Brooke. We don’t know who is still out here. We need to keep everyone else safe.”

“Lance, I can’t find Alexa.” Brooke replied slowly. Her breathing was becoming labored. “Alexa’s not here.”

“Stop worrying about Alexa. She’s probably upstairs. We’ve got a dying man lying here!” Lance responded. He pulled his jacket off of his shoulders and pressed it to Colin’s chest in attempts to stop the bleeding.

“No.” Brooke cried quietly. “No! I watched her walk outside with him!” Brooke pointed down at the bleeding stranger. “She left the house with HIM! She’s been talking to HIM all night and now there were gunshots and Alexa is gone Lance! She’s gone!”

Just then, Brooke noticed the yellow piece of paper that Ben had dropped before sweeping Alexa away. She walked over and picked the letter up off of the ground. She unfolded the paper as the flashing blue and red lights of the police began to shine from the street ahead. The note read: “Revenge is an act of passion; vengeance of justice.” Here’s to passionate revenge for the injustices of the supposedly loyal.

Brooke re-read the short note over and over, trying to make sense of what it meant, of what it could refer to. Her knees buckled under the weight of her pregnant body. A police officer caught her just as she was falling to the ground. Tears immediately leaped to her eyelids. “My sister is gone. Someone kidnapped my sister!”

--------

The next morning AJ awoke annoyed. He was supposed to be at the airport within just a few hours to catch his delayed flight to Orlando. After the fight that he and Brian had gotten into the night before, he hadn’t been able to sleep. He had tossed and turned and tried to block the noises that were coming from down the hall.

Maybe Brian was right though. Maybe if the roles were switched and it was Nick acting the way that Brian had been, it would be different, but whether Brian liked it or not, he had put himself up on that pedestal. He had held himself to a better standard than either Nick or AJ had held themselves. Maybe it wasn’t right, but that was the way that it was. In the long run, Brian was going to regret the decisions that he was making right now and over what? Over his heart being broken?

AJ knew that Brian had loved Alexa. He knew that Brian still loved Alexa and was struggling with that feelings inside of him. Brian was trying desparately to fight the feelings that he had for Alexa out of his heart. AJ also knew that Brian was having a hard time convincing himself that the things that Alexa did warranted throwing her out of his life forever. On the surface, Alexa seemed to have been hired to seduce Brian. However, when you looked deeper, that’s not what happened at all. She didn’t actively pursue Brian. She didn’t push him to join the group. In fact, she seemed to be so scared of Brian finding out that she used to work for Jive that the idea of Brian joining the group again scared her to death.

AJ threw the covers off of his body and stomped down the hallway. He wasn’t going to let these issues with Brian ruin another day. He flung the door opened and groaned at the sight of the young woman from last night still lying in Brian’s bed. She was practically hanging off the side, still naked from her and Brian’s activities from the night before. He walked around the room and picked up the woman’s clothes off of the floor and threw them at her on the bed. “Okay, no-name, your fun’s over. It’s time to go.”

The woman looked at him disgustedly for waking her up at a time that she considered early, though it was after 10 o’clock in the morning. “You can’t tell me to leave!”

Brian opened his eyes slowly and looked over at the woman. He sighed and then closed his eyes back again. “I can. You should go.”

The woman turned to Brian with her mouth hung opened. She then sucked her teeth and got dressed quickly. “I don’t need your small dick anyway, asshole.”

Brian laughed and slung his arm over his eyes. “Have a nice life.” The woman slammed the door and Brian stretched. “Do women not understand what happens when you meet someone in a bar?”

“Not when it comes to you.” AJ replied. He clenched his jaw. At this moment, he probably was being pretty hypocritical compared to the way that he had been during his lowest moment. However, Brian wasn’t an alcoholic drug addict. AJ leaned over and picked up a pair of sweatpants off of the floor. “And for God’s sake, get dressed.”

Brian rolled his eyes and slipped the pants on quickly. “Here we go again. What else do you have to say that you didn’t say last night?”

“Oh,” AJ responded. “We didn’t even get started last night. I’m not trying to run your life. I just know that this isn’t you. Why do you think that sleeping with a random woman every night is going to make you forget Alexa? Isn’t that probably doing the exact opposite?”

“Why do you keep bringing her up? This has nothing to do with her.” Brian exclaimed. He stood from where he was sitting on his bed and walked over to AJ. “I’m finally living my life. Isn’t that what you and Nick used to rag on me for? Being a devoted husband or boyfriend? Not having any fun with my life? I mean, if I remember correctly you thought that I was completely insane for ever getting married or settling down in any way, though you’ve been engaged what AJ, three times already?”

AJ glared at Brian. “You’re comparing yourself to a me that doesn’t exist anymore and never should have existed in the first place. You’re taking the advice of a man who wasn’t on this planet. Do you understand that? You’re being ridiculous. And I shouldn’t even justify your statement regarding how many times that I’ve been engaged, but that was low. I was engaged twice, both times to women that I loved with all of my heart—one of which I still believe that I could spend the rest of my life with. If you want to be like me and live every single day imagining what if, then be my guest.”

Brian rolled his eyes and turned to walk out of the room. “You don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”

AJ followed Brian out of his bedroom and down the stairs to the living room. “Oh, I don’t? Then why don’t you enlighten me?”

Brian shrugged. “There’s nothing to say. It is what it is. It’s sex. It’s companionship without the thought of ever getting too committed and then getting let down in the end. That’s it.”

AJ laughed and nodded his head. “Ah, I see. So, it’s about not wanting to take a risk? About not letting anyone in?”

Once they were down the stairs and standing in the living room, Brian turned to AJ. “When the Backstreet Boys first started out, I had this girlfriend, a friend of yours actually, Samantha. We lived together. I thought that we were going to be together forever. She couldn’t take the life that I lived—thought I didn’t care about her or something, so she dumped me. THEN, she wrote a half-true tell-all book about me. Then, I had another girlfriend. Hayden. SHE became my wife. SHE was going to have my baby. SHE died and I fell apart. And then, there was Alexa. She was paid to move in across the street from my house. She was paid to sleep with me, but I fell in love with her. I’ll admit it. I loved everything about that girl. She made me forget about my dead wife; she melted the ice that surrounded my very being. I still dream about being with her and in those dreams I’m happy again, but that still doesn’t make up for the fact that she betrayed me. How do I know that she EVER cared about me in the first place? Is that what you wanted to hear? You wanted to hear that I’m still hung up over someone whom I don’t believe that I really know anymore? Well, I am. I don’t want to be disappointed again, so I’m going to make sure that I never am. The end.” Brian grabbed the remote control off of the coffee table and flipped the television on before walking out of the room, leaving AJ behind.

Brian stormed through the dining room and into the kitchen. The swinging kitchen door flapped roughly behind him. He walked over to the pantry and began digging through the contents. He wondered when AJ had come to the conclusion that he suddenly had a Ph.D. in Psychology. Brian didn’t have anyone to answer to but himself and God, and lately, God hadn’t seemed to be listening that well. Brian pulled a box of cereal out of the pantry and stuck his hand inside the box as he leaned grouchily against the counter. Really, he wanted to cry, but he had decided weeks ago that he wasn’t going to be that weepy, distraught guy anymore. He had a roof over his head and food to eat; he didn’t have a damn thing to be crying over.

After having emotionless sex with the college co-ed the night before, Brian had rolled over and immediately began to think about Alexa. Some nights, mostly when he was sober enough to have a conscience, he would admit that he felt guilty for using the “woman of the moment.” He felt more guilty, however, for the woman to be lying on his bed in the spot that had for so long been reserved for one of two women, Hayden or Alexa. Brian could admit now that he had mostly let his wife’s memory rest in peace. He had let go of the guilt that he held onto pertaining to moving on without her long ago, but in these situations it was a little bit different, only because he knew that Hayden would want better for him.

When thinking of Alexa, it was different. Alexa was still alive. Alexa could be the one lying there in a heartbeat if Brian just picked up the phone and let her know how he really felt about her. That is, if she still felt that same way-- or if she ever felt that way at all. He felt guilty because Alexa was there for the taking, but instead, he chose to use women that he didn’t know to fill a void that was large enough to swallow them whole. It was like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with a shovel—impossible. That was why he chose to drink himself into oblivion. On most nights, there was no chance of him being sober enough to care.

Brian sighed when he heard AJ calling his name from the other room. He sounded slightly panicked. Brian placed the cereal box down on the counter and ran into the living room, where AJ was watching the news. “What is it now?”

AJ gulped and looked over at Brian. He wasn’t sure how his friend was going to take the news. “Brian, it’s Alexa.”

Brian rolled his eyes and turned around, attempting to head back to the kitchen. “I thought that we were done talking about this.”

AJ grabbed onto Brian’s arm. “No, Brian, you don’t understand.”

Brian stared at AJ blankly. “Okay, then, enlighten me.”

“Brian, a state representative’s sister-in-law was kidnapped outside of her home in Maryland last night. One person is dead. The sister is no where to be found.” AJ replied, hoping that Brian would understand without him having to use Alexa’s name. The truth was, AJ didn’t want to hear the news anymore than Brian did. In the short time that they had known each other, he and Alexa had actually become friends, though they hadn’t spoken since AJ had suggested that Alexa let Brian be for a while. That was weeks before.

Brian turned his attention to the television. Though he partially understood what AJ was trying to say, it didn’t sink in until Alexa’s face flashed across the screen. Someone had kidnapped Alexa. Brian’s legs buckled beneath him. Luckily, the couch was there to catch him when he fell. At that moment, though it didn’t seem real, he broke his own rules. Unwillingly, tears began to fall down his face. He wiped the tears quickly and swallowed the lump that had risen in his throat. “No.” He whispered. “It’s not right. She wasn’t kidnapped. She just… she’s going to call her sister and let her know that she’s okay somewhere. She just wandered off. She’s a wanderer.”

AJ sat down beside his friend. He couldn’t imagine what Brian was feeling right now. First, Hayden dies in a terrorist-related plane crash and then Alexa is kidnapped and also possibly dead or dying. “Brian, I don’t know what to say. I know that this must be hard. Do you want me to help you pack a bag or something? I have to go back to the airport. You can catch a ride with me.”

Brian shot AJ a confused look. “What do you mean? Where am I going?”

AJ’s eyes widened. “What do you mean where are you going? You’re going to be with her family, aren’t you? Do what you can do to help find her?”

Brian leaned back against the couch and sighed. “First of all, I don’t know her family. Secondly, I’m a Backstreet Boy. I’m not a police officer or an FBI agent or otherwise. There’s nothing that I can do that they don’t already have covered. I’d only be in the way.”

“Are you kidding me right now?” AJ replied as he jumped up from his place on the couch. “If I were in your position, I’d be out the door already. I sure as hell would be there to support her family or field phone calls or something.”

Brian shrugged. “The police know where to find me if they need me.”

“You are utterly ridiculous!” AJ exclaimed, disgustedly. “I never knew that you were such a coward. I used to look up to you. I used to think that you were so brave in the face of so much! You’re afraid of getting your heart broken, so you do everything in your power to make sure that doesn’t happen. You’re afraid of something happening to Alexa so you’re going to sit here and wait until something does. She doesn’t have that much family, Brian. She doesn’t have that many people looking out for her. What happens when something does happen to her? How are you going to feel then? Or how about when she walks out safely and realizes that you were never there, that you never cared enough to at least TRY. What then?”

Brian clenched his jaw and stood to face AJ. “Alexa and I aren’t together anymore! Why can’t you get that through your skull? We aren’t together. We never really were together! It’s not my responsibility to try to save her! I’m not Superman! I’m not even Clark Kent!”

AJ shook his head and picked up the duffel bag that he had brought inside with him the night before. “I don’t have anything else to say to you. The woman that you love is missing. Someone that she was with that night was killed and you want to pretend like everything is okay. Fine. Do whatever you want. Stay here, Sulk. Die of some random STD. Whatever. I don’t want to hear a single word about it when you realize the gigantic mistake that you’ve made.” Without giving Brian the opportunity to respond, AJ turned and walked out the front door. Silent tears began to pour down AJ’s cheeks as he made his way down the driveway toward his rental car. He cried for Alexa and he cried for Brian. He had to believe that his friend just needed some time to absorb the events that were surrounding him. Brian couldn’t really be this cold. Somewhere inside, Brian was still the man that AJ admired; only AJ now knew that nothing he could say was going to help Brian realize that. Brian was going to have to stop being so scared and come to that conclusion on his own.

---------

Hours after first being attacked, Alexa opened her eyes slowly. Her head was pounding achingly with every beat of her heart. As she looked around the room, her vision was blurred. It was almost as if she was looking through water. She attempted to reach down to wipe her blurred eyes, but her arms were tied behind her. Panic began to set in. What happened, She thought to herself. Where am I?

She blinked her eyes repeatedly, attempting to make her surroundings clear. With each blink of her eyes, her focus improved slightly.

With the limited concentration that she could muster, Alexa scanned the room. It was dank, dirty, cold. It looked like she was trapped in a basement. There was a musty smell permeating the room. Alexa strained to remember the events that had befallen her the night before. She was at a party. She walked out with a friend, someone she didn’t know very well. What was his name? Chris? Carter? Colin? Colin. She walked outside with Colin. They were saying goodnight. She turned around and saw a face. Whose face did she see? Brian? No, of course not. Ben. It was Ben. Ben did this to her. Ben. Ben? Seriously?

Alexa began to wiggle violently on the bed. She had never thought of Ben as being a violent man, but he had proven her wrong in so many ways. Though she’d never seen him act on his rage, she knew that he was capable of so much. Alexa stopped moving when she heard someone laughing from behind her. She closed her eyes, but it was too late. Ben was approaching.

He clomped down the stairs heavily. There was computer equipment in his arms. He laid the equipment down on an old wooden table across from Alexa was lying. On top of the silver laptop computer, Ben placed a black gun. “For a while there, I thought that you were going to die before I was ready. That would have just ruined my entire plan.”

“What are you doing?” Alexa replied, shakily. “Why am I here?”

“Do you even have to ask?” Ben exclaimed. His mood had quickly changed for slightly jovial to angry. “You ruined me and now I’m going to ruin you.” Ben picked the gun up, turned it on Alexa, and then dropped the gun to his side and laughed. “But not yet.”

Alexa swallowed hard, trying to muster the courage to get out of this situation. This was Ben. She had dealt with Ben for years. “I don’t think that you’re really going to shoot me. So, what’s your real plan?”

Ben shot Alexa a cold look. “Why don’t you think that I’ll shoot you? I already killed one person? Why not make it two?”

He had killed one person. What does that mean? Alexa shrugged the best that she could in the position that she was in. “If you were going to shoot me, you would have done it already. Why leave me down here tied up? There’s no one around. No one knows where you are. But you do know that my brother-in-law is a State Representative in Washington, right? You do know that he’s going to do everything in his power to save me?”

Ben laughed. “He can do whatever he wants, but they’re never going to catch me. I’m not going to jail.”

Alexa licked her lips slowly. She cringed at the taste of blood. “What makes you so sure?”

“It’s all a part of the plan.” Ben said simply, and then walked over to the computer equipment. He had a small web camera and a laptop computer pointed directly at the spot where she was lying on the floor.

Alexa tried desperately to clear her mind of all of the numerous terrible things that he could do to her. “Ben. It’s me. Why are you doing this?”

Ben shot another cold look at Alexa and then smiled to himself. “You got me fired, Alexa. You ruined my life. I don’t have anything left to live for. I’m going to hell and I’m taking you with me.”

Alexa shook her head slowly. She didn’t know what he was talking about. “I just did what you asked me to do. You gave Brian the pictures. What did you think was going to happen? Did you think that he was going to walk away and forget that you hired me?”

“You were never supposed to fall in love with him!” Ben exclaimed. “He was never supposed to fall in love with you! He was just supposed to make me money. That’s it. He was supposed to make Jive money. That’s it. Just money.”

“So, you’re going to kill me because you lost some money?” Alexa replied softly. “Ben, you have enough money in the bank to feed a small country. You have more than enough to live on. What are you doing this for? Just let me go.”

“No.” Ben replied, shaking his head. He turned back to the computer. “We’re going to hell together, Alexa. You’re just going to get there a little bit slower than I am.”

-------

Brian hadn’t moved from his place on the couch since AJ had left that morning. The truth was, he was scared to death. There was a note that was left, though none of the news anchors would release the information about what the note said. There were no leads in the case. No suspicions. The police were at a dead end until the forensics team came back with the report on any DNA or fingerprints that had been left on the letter.

The news channels were all showing a picture of a friend of Alexa’s. His name was Colin Michaels. He had died trying to defend Alexa. Brian couldn’t help but to be a little bit jealous. He had died trying to save Alexa, but Brian was too afraid of the police finding Alexa dead that he didn’t want to be anywhere near the crime scene. If he was tucked away in Georgia, he wouldn’t have to believe that it was real.

The news stations kept showing the same picture. He was actually in the picture as well, though his face was blurred out. The picture was a close-up shot of the two of them that was taking during their last day together in New York. The wind was blowing her hair back as she and Brian leaned in and Brian snapped the picture. Later on that night, they had gotten the pictures developed at a drug store near their hotel. It would only be a matter of time until the news stations realized who he was and began showing his face in the picture as well. Brian had the same photograph lying in his bedside table drawer. The news used it because it was the most recent picture that they had of her face. Brian kept it close because it was the last time that they were happy.

Brian pulled himself up off of the couch and walked up the stairs to his bedroom. He sat down on the edge of his bed and opened the drawer that held the picture. He pulled the picture out and ran his fingers over the smooth glossy finish. Back inside the drawer, a folded piece of paper caught his eye. It was the letter that Alexa had written to him before she left the hotel room the day that they had broken up. Brian set the photograph down and picked up the tattered piece of folded paper.

He unfolded it slowly and finally, began reading.

Dear Brian,

There are so many ways for me to tell you how sorry that I am for hurting you. None of those phrases, nothing that I could say could truly illustrate how badly I feel. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for this--for us--to happen the way that it did. As far as having you in my life is concerned, that is one thing that I will never be sorry for.

You have meant so much to me over the past six months. You’ve become more than a lover, you’ve become my family. I have never imagined feeling the way about someone that I feel about you. I’ve always had romantic dreams, but even the wildest shrink in comparison to how you’ve made me feel.

There are a lot of things that you can question when it comes to our relationship. There are a lot of things that you will question, but I beg that you believe me when I tell you that I never set out to deceive you. I never moved into that house wanting to betray your trust. I never imagined that we’d become have we have. Never did I think that someone as volatile as Ben Silverman would ever send me to my soul mate. If there is anything that you never have to question, that is how I feel about you. You’re my everything.

I understand that you’re hurting and I understand that at this very moment you probably don’t care if I live or die, but I hope that someday you’ll be able to remember the good things when you think of me. Please know that if and when you’re ready to ever move on from the position that we’ve found ourselves in now, I’ll be waiting. Let’s get to know each other again.

I’ll start.

Hi, I’m Aly.

Now, it’s your turn.

With all of my love always,

Alexa

Brian dropped the letter to the ground. Tears began to pour out of his eyelids. He loved her so much and now, she was in so much trouble. There was no telling where she was or who she was with. Someone could have kidnapped her for a number of reasons both financially and politically fueled. Brian sobbed over the irony of one of her closing statements. I understand that at this very moment you don’t care if I live or die. The words echoed in his head.

“You have to live, Aly.” Brian whispered to himself. “You have to live. I can’t go on knowing that you’re not out there breathing. Fight, Aly. Fight.”

Brian knew that there was no one there to hear his pleas, but he was praying his hardest and hoping that God would hear him just this one time. Brian threw the letter down onto the bed and ran into his closet. He didn’t know why he was still sitting there. He may not be of any help, but he sure as hell couldn’t sit around in Georgia waiting for someone to pull the trigger. He had to be there when they brought her home. He had to make sure that they brought her home at all.

Chapter 26

When Brian arrived to Baltimore, it was almost midnight—24 hours after Alexa had disappeared. When he stepped off of the airplane into the waiting area, Brian scanned the surrounding snack shops and bar areas for a television that was playing the news. The whole ride over, Brian prayed that Alexa would be found safely by the time that he had landed. Directly across from where he was standing, a small bar had the news playing softly. Unfortunately, it seemed that his prayers had remained unanswered. The feeling was actually a little bittersweet—bitter that they hadn’t found her alive, sweet that they hadn’t found her dead.

Brian sighed and slung the duffel bag that had been his carry-on over his shoulder. Though inside, his nerves were pinging like a pinball machine, he walked calmly through the airport. The last thing that he wanted to do was to draw any excessive attention to himself. He still didn’t know how he was going to get through the media vans and curious onlookers that had been stationed outside of Alexa’s sister and brother-in-law’s house, let alone the police. Technically, Brian didn’t have any more right to be there than the average nosy person. Only, he truly loved Alexa. Thinking that something bad could have possibly happened to her, that she could be alone, hurt, cold, scared or worse, was killing him slowly.

Brian stuffed his hands into his pockets and left the bar area with his head hung low. Tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks burned his eyelids. He didn’t know how he got here—to this place in his life. He had such moments of extreme elation and then utter depression. After so many years of the latter, he had finally been happy again—truly, completely happy. He had been so badly broken when his wife died. The only one that was ever able to make him let go and feel good again was Alexa. Then, he came to find out that she had been hired to befriend him. The jury was still out as to what exactly Alexa had been paid to do or how long she was employed by Jive. For the last two months, Brian didn’t think that it mattered how long she was paid to live across the street from him. The fact that she was paid by Jive at all and that she had kept that part of her life a secret from him was hurtful enough. Now, she was gone. No one knew if they would ever see her again and Brian was beginning to hate himself for walking away from her without a second glance back. He had felt betrayed and used, but if he was honest with himself, he’d also admit that he was almost relieved that the relationship hadn’t been as perfect as it seemed. It wasn’t that he was looking for a way out, but it was almost as if he was waiting for something to knock him backwards as if to prove that he was right all along—no one was allowed more than one soulmate.

He had heard rumblings around Jive in the months since he an Alexa had broken up that she had gone back to Ben and given every penny of the money that he had paid her back to him. So, in essence, she was never actually paid for anything. Brian didn’t deny that she loved him. He knew in his heart that she did and he hoped that she knew that he loved her, too. Maybe it all went back to him not being ready to love again, after all? Maybe it went back to still holding a piece of himself back, not fully wanting to trust, to give completely of himself and then be disappointed? He had ended up hurt in the end, but he had refused to let himself fall apart. Instead, he slept with too many women to keep count of--de-humanizing himself and every woman that he slept with in the process—which only kept him from falling apart on the surface. Inside, he was shattered.

It all brought him back to this—heartbroken, walking through the airport, praying that the woman that he loved, the woman that he had walked away from, the woman that he could have had at home with him with only a phone call—was found safely.

Brian suddenly found himself outside of the airport in the chilly Baltimore air. He walked over to one to the taxi cabs that were waiting in the arrival lane and climbed in. Suddenly, he realized that he didn’t have any idea as to where to tell the driver to go, all he had was a name.

“I’m sorry. I don’t have an address.” Brian told the cab driver, “but I’m really hoping that you’ll know where to go anyway.”

The cab driver knitted his eyebrows in confusion. “I’m a lotta things, Mister, but I ain’t no mind reader.”

Brian shook his head slowly and narrowed his eyes at the driver. “Listen, I need you to bring me to State Representative Lance Taylor’s home. Do you know where that is?”

The driver shrugged. “Sure, I do. People have been asking to go by there all day. Everyone wants to be in the middle of the action, but you don’t look like one of those busy bodies.”

Brian sighed and sat back against the brown leather of the backseat. “I’m not. I’m Alexa Owens' boyfriend.”

The driver narrowed his eyes at Brian skeptically. “If that’s true, then why didn’t you just get the police to escort you over there or something?”

“I don’t know how to get in touch with her family.” Brian replied. “Look, I’m kind of in a hurry. She’s missing, you know?”

“I just find it funny that you show up now. Almost 24 hours later. How do I know that you didn’t have anything to do with it?” The man asked. He was staring at Brian harshly.

Brian had never considered that he might be a suspect in all of this. Was it actually suspicious of him to show up after this long? Brian shook his head. “I don’t have anything to prove to you, but Alexa and I actually broke up a few months ago. I live in Georgia and I wasn’t sure if I should come. Let me ask you something, if a woman that you love with all of your heart ended up missing, whether either of you really knew how the other felt at that very moment, would you want to be sitting in a taxi getting grilled by the driver? Or would you rather be with her family trying to help in any way possible. Not to mention the fact that if I WAS involved, why would I want to go to that house where the police are waiting?”

The driver thought Brian’s answer over in his head. He knew that Brian had made sense, but he couldn’t help wanting to be a hero. “Okay,” the driver finally responded before turning around in his seat. “You win. It’s going to be hard to try and get through there right now, though.”

Brian nodded. “Just do the best you can and thank you.”

The driver nodded a final time and sped out of the airport and down the highway.

-----

The hours since Alexa had gone missing passed by slowly for Brooke and Lance. Every second that she was gone was another second of diminished hope. One person had already been killed, though no one seemed to know anything about him. He didn’t live in the neighborhood. He didn’t work in the capitol. He seemed to be a random stranger who had somehow obtained an invitation to the party that night.

The police looked into Colin Michaels only to find out that he was a struggling theater actor in New York. Other than the fact that they lived in the same very-large City, nothing else connected Colin and Alexa. It had been another dead lead.

The letter that had been left was littered with fingerprints, though none that matched anyone with a past criminal record. Brooke and Lance had gone over the sequence of events with the police repeatedly. Each time, nothing changed. It had only been a day, but the police were beginning to run into a dead-end.

Detective Jeffrey Morgan of the local FBI branch sat across from Brooke at her glossy, dark-wood dining room table. Detective Morgan was that detective that you only see in the movies. He was tall, dark and handsome. There was years of experience etched onto his face. He had seen things that most can only imagine from dead, mangled bodies to terrifying explosions; however, he hadn’t ever been involved in a kidnapping quite like this one. Alexa Owens was the young, beautiful sister-in-law of a popular State Representative. There was a note left, however, the kidnapper didn’t ask for random. He had, instead, cited revenge. After looking into Alexa’s background, she didn’t seem to be one that was involved in anything criminal or malicious. This seemed like a crime of passion, though, no one could say who was particularly passionate about Alexa at the current time.

“The note that was left after your sister’s kidnapping cited revenge, Mrs. Taylor,” said Detective Morgan softly to Brooke. “Can you think of anyone that your sister might have had some kind of a dispute with?”

Brooke shook her head and clenched her jaw tightly. She was tired of answering the same questions. Time was running out. If the FBI didn’t act soon, Alexa was going to be dead. She didn’t know much about the situation, but she’d heard about enough kidnappings to know that usually, they don’t end well. “No. I already told you no. She was pretty private recently. Not to mention, she’d been living in Georgia, so who knows?”

The detective nodded slowly. He felt terribly bad for any family in this situation, though he knew that he had to keep his own emotions in check. “I know that this is hard for you Mrs. Taylor, but please understand that we’re on your side. You’ve never mentioned Georgia before. Why was she in Georgia?”

Brooke sighed and wiped the fresh set of tears that were falling down her cheeks. “She was on this assignment from her former boss. She ended up quitting her job, but she met someone so she stayed down there for a while longer. Things didn’t end up working out.”

Detective Morgan’s ears perked at the mention of an ex-boyfriend, especially since the relationship had seemed to end recently. Lovers, husbands or wives, boyfriends or girlfriends—all domestic disturbances were a big contributor to violent situations. “You never mentioned a boyfriend.”

Brooke shrugged. “There was nothing to say. They were together. Now, they’re not. It’s over.”

“So, you don’t think that he could have had any involvement in this whatsoever?” The detective prodded, hoping that a light bulb would go off in Brooke Taylor’s head.

Instead, she rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Absolutely not. He’s kind of in the public eye himself. There’s no way. He’s a good guy.”

“So, you know him?” Detective Morgan questioned further. He didn’t want to lead her to an inaccurate assumption, but she had never mentioned his name. Alexa had been in Georgia, where she’d kept a private life, so it’s possible that Brooke didn’t know much about this boyfriend at all.

Brooke paled at Detective Morgan’s unspoken insinuations. Brian didn’t have anything to do with this. There was little that Brooke was sure of right now, but she was definitely sure of that. “No, I’ve never met him, but I know.

“Do you know his name?”

Brooke sighed heavily. “Yes, I do. Brian Littrell. Backstreet Boy. Perhaps you’ve heard of him?”

Just then, there was a commotion coming from the front of the house. Brooke sighed and shook her head. “We’ve been pretty good to the media as far as making comments, right?” Brooke asked the detective rhetorically. “You would think that they’d know that if we heard anything else we’d let them know.”

Detective Morgan glanced over at the television set that Lance was watching in the living room diagonally from where the detective sat with Brooke in the dining room. Detective Morgan scoffed and sat back in his chair. “It looks like you have some famous company.”

“What are you talking about?” Brooke asked as she turned around in her chair, confused. Brooke was shocked to see Brian attempting to walk up the sidewalk at that very moment. She didn’t have to meet the man that Alexa loved to recognize him. He was getting trouble from the police officers that were stationed outside of the house, but he charged through anyway. He was going to be lucky if they didn’t shoot him. “Excuse me.” Brooke mumbled to the detective.

“Mrs. Taylor,” Detective Morgan started as he followed behind Brooke to the front door. “I thought that you said that you didn’t know Brian Littrell.”

Brooke reached the door and stopped. She turned back to Detective Morgan and crossed her arms. “I don’t.”

“Then what’s he doing here?”

Brooke shrugged. “I wouldn’t really know, but I assume that it has something to do with him being in love with my sister. If you let me open the door so that he doesn’t get arrested, you can ask him yourself.”

Detective Morgan gestured toward the door and then stuffed his hands in his pockets. This night was starting to get even more interesting.

Brooke opened the door quickly and stepped out onto the porch. It was almost as if a hush fell over the crowd. Everyone wanted to get the scoop as to why Brian Littrell was trying to get into the Taylor’s house. “Hey!” Brooke called out to the two police officers that were demanding that Brian get off of their ‘crime scene.’ “He’s okay. Let him through.”

The young police officer stared back at Brooke. “Mrs. Taylor, do you really think that now is the best time for company?”

The older of the two officers looked at his young partner and rolled his eyes. “What my partner is so eloquently trying to say is that it’s a difficult situation and the last thing that we need is extra people getting in the way for a little publicity.”

Brian clenched his jaw and rolled his eyes. “I’m not here for publicity. I’ve already told you, I’m-”

Brooke walked over and grabbed Brian’s arm, causing him to stop mid-sentence. “He’s family.” She pulled Brian with her into the house.

When they were back inside with the door firmly shut behind them, Brian turned to Brooke. He was unbelievably nervous to be standing there, in Alexa’s sister’s house—especially under the current conditions. “I’m sorry,” Brian finally spoke. “I don’t mean to intrude. It’s just that-”

Brooke nodded and tried her best to smile. “I know. So does she.”

Brian nodded and sighed. “I want to help. If there’s anything that I can do.”

“Being here is good for right now, though the police might want to talk to you.” Brooke replied. Finally, without thinking, she embraced Brian tightly. This man had made her sister so happy. Brooke was then taken aback by her own thoughts. It was as if she had already given up hope of ever finding Alexa alive. “It’s good to finally meet you. I wish it could have been under better circumstances.”

Brian hugged Alexa’s very-pregnant sister back tightly. Tears welled up in his eyes at her embrace. He had seen a picture of Brooke before and had thought that they looked so different. Now, up close, he could tell that they had the same face—eyes, nose, mouth. For a moment, if he took the pregnant waist out of the equation, he could imagine that she was Alexa.

Just then, Lance walked into the room. He placed a hand on the small of his wife’s back as she reluctantly let go of Brian. “Honey, I know that you’re having a hard time, we all are, but you still need to try to take it easy. The last thing we need to do is take a trip to the hospital right now, right? It’d be an awful time to bring a baby into the world.”

Brooke sighed and nodded. “You’re right. Lance, this is Brian. Brian this is my husband, Lance.”

Lance shook Brian’s hand. “She’ll be glad that you’re here.”

Brian simply nodded and followed Brooke and Lance into the dining room.

Detective Morgan was sitting back at his place at the dining room table sipping a cup of black coffee. He looked up when Brian, Brooke and Lance entered the room. Without muttering a greeting, Detective Morgan set his mug down and turned to Brian. “Mr. Littrell, I’ve got a couple of questions for you if you don’t mind.”

Brian sighed. “Yeah, of course.” He pulled out a chair across from the detective and sat down. Brian had a rock-solid alibi. He had no reason to be worried about being questioned about Alexa’s disappearance.

“Mr. Littrell, where you last night around midnight?” Detective Morgan jumped right into his questioning.

Brian rolled his eyes and smirked. “I was at home. I had company.”

“Where is home?” The detective asked, though he already knew the answer.

“I live in a suburb outside of Atlanta, Georgia.” Brian answered. He then began drumming his fingers lightly on the table. He wasn’t nervous about being questioned by the police. He was actually nervous to answer the next question in front of Alexa’s sister and brother-in-law.

“And you said that you had company?” The detective prodded.

Brian nodded. “I did.”

“Can I have some names?” Detective Morgan sat back in his chair. He already had his home office checking Brian’s background information and flight records.

Brian sighed and clenched his jaw. He really didn’t want to get into this. He glanced over at Brooke who was sitting beside him.

Brooke noticed his nervousness and interjected. “Is this really necessary? He was across the country.”

“You want to explore every avenue, don’t you, Mrs. Taylor?” The detective replied, then turned back to Brian. “So, who were you with? What were you doing? What’s your story?”

Brian sighed again, then turned to Brooke. “Please don’t think that I’m a bad guy. I’m not. I just had this notion in my head about getting over your sister.” He then stopped, realizing that his explanation to Brooke was starting to sound like a confession. “No, no wait. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I-I was at a bar last night in Georgia. It’s called the Bulldog Pub. I had a tab running until close to midnight. Then I went home with a girl that I met. Then my friend, AJ—he’s also in the group with me—he stopped by because his layover flight to Orlando was delayed.”

Brooke let her body relax. For a minute, Brian looked like he was taking an unexpected turn. Brian and Alexa had been broken up for months. Who was she to judge what Brian did with his free time?

“You were with a woman?” The detective prodded. He watched as Brian nodded. “What was her name?”

Brian sighed and closed his eyes. “Man, I’m going to sound like an asshole. I don’t know. I had just met her. I was kind of drunk. You can call the bar. Get my credit card slips. There’s no way that I could have gotten here, even if I left Atlanta right after I left the bar. You can call AJ, too. He was with me when I found out that Alexa was missing.”

Detective Morgan ran a hand through his dark-brown hair. It was another dead-end. If Brian was telling the truth, which he could assume that he was, they had about as much as they did before Brian got there. . . nothing. “We’re going to check into everything.”

“Please do.” Brian responded, narrowing his eyes at the detective. It was almost as if Detective Morgan was hoping that Brian had committed the crime.

The detective’s cell phone rang just then and he excused himself from the table. Brian turned to Brooke. “I’m sorry.” He murmured, then bit his trembling lip.

“For what?” Brooke asked, placing a hand on her protruding belly.

“I didn’t mean any disrespect to Alexa. I had a new way of dealing with things that was obviously so morally wrong.” Brian shook his head. “And now I just feel like a jerk.”

Brooke shook her head slowly. “Brian, it’s totally fine. I don’t know much about you, but I know that my sister loves you. You’ve been broken up for months. What you do with your personal life is between you and Alexa.”

Brian nodded and sighed, relieved. “Thank you. I’ve heard so much preaching lately; I really appreciate you taking it for what it’s worth.”

Brian, Brooke and Lance looked up as the detective came rushing into the room. No one could read the shocked expression on his face, other than to say that he definitely had gotten some kind of lead.

“I don’t want anyone to panic. The FBI is bringing in surveillance equipment. They’re on their way now. There’s been some Internet activity regarding Alexa. We do have a name now. Do any of you, particularly Brian, know of a man named Ben Silverman?”

-------

Moments earlier, Ben had finished hooking up the computer equipment as Alexa watched on woozily. She had no idea that Ben knew anything about technology. Apparently, he was going to try to stream some kind of video.

Alexa had prayed more during the last 24-hours than she had ever prayed in her life. Was he going to rape her live over the Internet? Was he going to kill her live over the Internet? What the hell was he doing?

“Ben,” Alexa squeaked out. “W-what is all of this? Please just let me go.”

Ben shook his head and laughed to himself. “Not gonna happen, Sweetheart. I’ve always said that if I go down, I’m taking you down with me. That was our thing all these years, wasn’t it?”

“Losing your job isn’t something to go crazy over.” Alexa argued. “There are other jobs. If you want, I’ll come work for you somewhere else. We make a good team.”

Ben shot Alexa a cold look across the dark room. “No, we made a good team. You left the team for Brian and you let him ruin me. You abandoned ship, Alexa.”

Alexa was starting to get angry now. It didn’t matter what he was going to do to her anymore. He already had his mind made up. “Ben! You did this to yourself! You came up with some half-witted scheme. It all could have been okay if you just would have kept your mouth shut, but no! You had to go around proving that you had the bigger dick!”

Ben laughed again and picked up his gun from where it was lying on the table. He put in exactly two bullets and cocked it slowly. “Apparently, you’ve got some balls, too.”

Silent tears began to roll down Alexa’s cheeks. “I wish that you’d just get this over with.”

Ben walked over to where Alexa was tied up and smiled. “The best part of all of this is how slowly it’s going to go for you. That camera is going to be streaming your death over the Internet. The router spans a five-mile radius; the police can only see the IP address, which only gives you an estimation of area. Not to mention that the router that I’m connected to is in another house, so of course the police will go there first, but you won’t be there. They’re watching in Maryland. We’re in the backwoods of Pennsylvania. By the time that they find you, you’ll be just falling into the deepest sleep that you’ve ever experienced—death—and everyone will be watching.”

Ben walked over to the computer and turned the camera on. Instantly, he was signed onto the Internet.

Ben smiled. “Hello, World. Are you ready to watch us die?”

-----

Meanwhile, miles away in Baltimore, Maryland, the FBI was just getting set up. Ben had apparently starting streaming, but had stopped to give the FBI enough time to catch on. He had e-mailed the link to every FBI department between New York City, Washington, D.C. and Baltimore, Maryland. Even Detective Morgan was afraid to find out what was behind that camera. Systems agents were already working to find out the IP address from where he was broadcasting.

Brian held his breath as Ben’s face popped onto the screen. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Out of everyone that he possibly could have thought to have done this, Ben had never crossed his mind—even with as much damage as Ben had done as of late. Brian had gotten Ben fired and now Ben was taking his revenge out on Alexa. He didn’t want to turn this into a Brian situation, but how could he help but to feel guilty now?

A hush fell over the entire room as Ben smiled into the camera. “Hello World. Are you ready to watch us die?” Ben laughed maniacally as he waved his gun in front of the camera. He then stepped back so that the entire room was in view. In the background, Alexa was tied to a cot in the back to the room. Her hair was matted with blood. She was bruised and crying. Brian’s heart fell to his knees. “Here’s the thing. I’m not going to make this long, because I know that you’re already looking for us. I always told Alexa that this wasn’t over. That I wasn’t going down alone. That we were a team and that if anything happened, it would happen to us together. So, here it goes. First, a confession. I killed Colin Michaels, but he was working for me. He didn’t really know the plan, per se, but he got in the way and now he’s dead. Alexa got in the way and she’s about to be dead. Brian,” Ben spoke directly into the camera. “If you’re watching, you’re just lucky I couldn’t find an easy way to get to you, too.”

Brian started to shake as Ben's stare turned cold. Ben moved back from the camera and stood next to Alexa's bed again. He looked down at her peacefully. It seemed like he was finally coming to terms with what he planned to do. “It's all over now.”

In an instant, he turned the gun on Alexa and pulled the trigger. Brooke fell back in her chair, shaking. Brian screamed and swallowed back the vomit that was rising in his throat. Even stone-cold Lance had tears running down his cheeks. Detective Morgan was shouting orders around the room.

Everyone stopped when Ben turned back to the camera. Alexa was screaming out in pain. She was still alive. He had shot her in her lower shoulder. It was in a spot where she would bleed out slowly for the entire world to see. Ben then leaned down and pressed his mouth against Alexa's and kissed her hard. She was screaming to Ben to untie her. Ben stayed silent. He then stepped away from the bed, blocking the view between the world and Alexa. He raised the gun and pressed it against his temple. “Goodbye.”

Ben pulled the trigger and fell to the ground in a slumped, bloody mess. With that, Brian couldn't take it anymore. He ran into the adjoining kitchen and threw up everything that he had ever eaten. He ran back into the dining room frantically. The detective was screaming orders, still looking on at Alexa. From where she was shot, Detective Morgan estimated that they had about an hour to find Alexa if they were going to save her. The next hour, was going to be the longest that Brian, Brooke and Alexa had ever lived through.

Chapter 27

Hysterical tears were falling down Alexa’s face. The metallic smell of blood wafted in the air, though Alexa didn't know if she smelled her own blood or if she smelled Ben’s. Ben was lying—dead—on the cold, stone floor below. Alexa couldn’t look down at the semblance of a man that was lying on the ground. He was unrecognizable.

Searing pain rushed through Alexa’s entire body. Her arms were still tied above her head on the cot that she had been tied to for the last 24 hours. She didn’t know if the way that she was laying was helping or hurting the flow of blood that was seeping from her shoulder. She tried to breathe evenly, knowing that at this point, she was her own hope of making it out of that basement alive.

The camera was seemingly still rolling, though Alexa didn’t have any idea if Ben actually had anyone watching. For all she knew, Ben could have just told her that the video was streaming on the Internet so that she would fight to stay alive, thus suffering, for as long as possible. Alexa looked into the camera licked her chapped lips softly. “Pennsylvania.” She whispered into the camera, hoping desperately that someone was watching. “He said that we’re in Pennsylvania.”

Alexa’s eyes fought to stay open. She knew that she had to stay awake. The moment that she fell asleep, she would be asleep forever. “Please God,” Alexa whispered to herself. “Help them find me.”

-----

In Maryland, Brian’s heart broke as he watched Alexa struggle. He was sitting in front of the FBI computer watching every breath. He couldn’t tear his eyes away for fear that the moment that he did, he would never see her alive again.

Across the room, Brooke couldn’t stand to watch her sister suffering any longer. She was sitting at the dining room table sobbing softly. Lance was by her side, begging her to get a hold of herself. Lance cared about Alexa as he would a sister, but he was also understandably concerned about his baby.

The detective was in the adjoining room. The house was bustling with FBI agents and computer technicians who were working furiously to try to track down the IP address from where Ben’s computer was broadcasting. Since the IP address would only bring them to a relative location, they had to work quickly to track down the area in which Alexa was hidden.

Detective Morgan rushed into the dining room and stood behind Brian. Brian looked up at the detective. “Pennsylvania. She said that she’s in Pennsylvania.”

The detective looked down at Brian and nodded distractedly. He then turned his attention back to the computer screen.

“What are you doing standing around?” Brian demanded. “Pennsylvania. Don’t you have to go give that information to your police officer friends and computer people?”

Detective Morgan shook his head slowly. “We already knew that she was in Pennsylvania. Her tip came a little too late, besides who knows if Silverman had even told her the truth about where she was?”

“He knew that he was going to kill himself.” Brian replied. His eyes were narrowed at the cocky FBI agent. “What did it matter if she knew what state they were in?”

Detective Morgan rolled his eyes.

“Do you have some kind of problem with me?” Brian asked, offended. “You’re supposed to be here to save Alexa Owens’ life, aren’t you? You’re not here to look down on some ‘lowly’ Backstreet Boy.”

The detective scoffed. “I could not care less that you’re a Backstreet Boy. I care about you coming in here thinking that you know anything about police work and trying to run things.”

“Excuse me, but I never came in here trying to ‘run things’ as you so eloquently put it.” Brian replied, standing up. “If I’m correct, which I know that I am, I got here and you immediately jumped on the defensive, assuming that I was involved.”

“Hey!” Lance called out from across the room. His jaw was clenched and he look angry. “Would both of you shut up and keep focused on the task at hand? If you would look at the computer screen, there is a girl very close to my heart, to my wife’s heart, to Brian’s heart and to my children’s hearts that is dying. Detective Morgan, I suggest that instead of powwowing with Brian over who hates whom more, you and your team get a unit together. Brian, instead of getting upset that the detective obviously doesn’t care for you, just keep your mouth shut and pray that Alexa is found safely.”

Brian sighed and sat back in his chair. Lance was right. For a moment, Brian had taken his eye away from what was important. No matter how big of a jerk Detective Morgan may have been, he was still going to be the one that was going to lead his team to find Alexa.

Lance left his wife’s side of the first time since they had all watched Alexa get shot by Ben and walked over to Brian and Detective Morgan. “Can you give us a status update? Do you have any idea as to the area that she’s in?”

The detective put his hands in his pockets and turned toward Lance. “She’s in a small town called Hanover that is just north of the Pennsylvania/Maryland boarder. We just released this information to the press in hopes of getting some calls from local witnesses. There is a police helicopter searching the area for an suspicious activity. The local FBI, as well as the local police department, is scouring the area as well. They’ve checked the port from where the router was hooked up, but the house was abandoned. There was a white economy sized van parked outside. There was no forensic testing; however, visually it appears that the back of the van was littered with blood stains. We seem to be close, Representative Taylor.”

Brian shook his head and stared back at the computer screen. Alexa was talking to herself softly. She was saying the Lord’s Prayer over and over. Time was running out. Ben was smarter than the FBI was giving him credit for. No way would he have left the van within blocks of where he had left Alexa, especially if he honestly expected Alexa to die.

“Do you have something to say, Brian?” Lance asked as he tore his attention away from the detective.

“I knew, Ben. I know that he wouldn’t be stupid enough to come up with this whole plan and then give it all away by leaving a blood-stained van parked at the house where the router from which he is was broadcasting is hidden.” Brian shook his head. “You’re probably focusing your efforts in the wrong area.”

Brian sighed and tore his gaze away from the computer screen. He put his hands up in front of him. “But you know, what do I know? I’m no FBI agent.”

Lance turned back to Detective Morgan. “Do you have your team spread out around the area?”

Detective Morgan clenched his jaw and glared at Brian. “Spreading the team around is going to take time away from finding Alexa. We need a concentrated effort in one area.”

“And what if you’re wrong? Then she dies in cold blood?” Lance questioned harshly.

Detective Morgan grinded his teeth together in frustration. He wanted what every agent on the force wanted, to move up in the company, to work for the big guys in Washington. Solving a high profile case and having a State Representative on his side was exactly the way to take the fast track to the top. However, this new addition to the case, who obviously thought that he knew everything, was proving to make his job difficult.

The detective’s thoughts were interrupted by a young FBI agent rushing into the room. “Detective Morgan. We may have gotten a hit. A caller from the Hanover area says that he was watching the news about Alexa and recalled hearing what sounded like a gun shot in the area close to an hour ago. There was another call that came in shortly thereafter from the same area that cited hearing the same shot off in the distance and also noticed a suspicious man hanging around a seemingly abandoned house in the area. The local agents are on their way now.”

“Are they close?” Detective Morgan asked. The excitement of finding Alexa safely was rising inside of him.

“Actually, they were a few miles away. It seemed that the house with the router was a pretty good distance from where Alexa is thought to be trapped.” The young agent replied.

Detective Morgan nodded sharply, releasing the young agent. Apparently, Brian had been dead on.

Brian turned away from the detective and smirked to himself. The smirk immediately evaporated from his face, however, when he noticed that Alexa’s words were becoming soft. She sounded like she was saying her goodbyes. Her eyes were beginning to flutter closed. “NO!” He screamed to the computer screen. “No!” He turned to Detective Morgan with tears rising to his eyelids. “You’re losing her! Do something!”

-----

Alexa was having the hardest time staying awake. Her eyes fluttered closed and she popped them back open. She recited the Lord’s Prayer over and over until it was ingrained in her mind. It was time to come to terms with the fact that she might not be going home after all. It was time to say goodbye to the people that she loved.

“I don’t know who’s watching.” Alexa started weakly. “But I want to tell you goodbye. Goodbye Brooke. I love you. I’m going home to Daddy. Goodbye Lance. Be good to my sister. Goodbye nephew. Goodbye new baby. Goodbye friends. Goodbye Brian.” Alexa choked up at the sound of Brian’s name. “Goodbye love of my life. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry and I love you.”

Alexa could feel the muscles in her body begin to relax. She was suddenly so tired. She couldn’t fight the fatigue that was falling over her any longer. She allowed her eyes to close as she said a final whispered, “Goodbye.”

------

Brian pounded on the computer and Brooke fell into a new set of tears. “Wake up, Alexa. Wake up, damn it! Don’t you give up,” Brian screamed to the computer screen. He then turned to Detective Morgan. “Why are you just standing there?”

The detective was also panicked inside, though he knew that his unit was close by. Just as he was about to open his mouth to speak, a slew of people burst into the room on the screen. The FBI agents quickly untied Alexa’s arms as the emergency medical team rushed into the room. One of the EMTs worked to stop the bleeding for long enough to get Alexa onto a gurney.

Brian watched on horrified. Alexa had stopped breathing on her own. The EMT quickly intubated her and then, two of the EMTs rushed Alexa up the basement stairs and then she was out of sight. None of it seemed real. It all felt like they were watching a terrible suspense movie.

“Where are they taking her?” Brooke finally squeaked out, speaking for the first time since Alexa had gotten shot earlier that night.

“They’ll be taking her to Mercy Joyner hospital in lower Pennsylvania.” Detective Morgan replied softly. “As you can tell, she wasn’t breathing when they left with her. She’ll need surgery. You have plenty of time to get there.”

Lance turned to his wife. “Hanover isn’t that far from here. I can get a helicopter fueled within the hour.”

“No need Representative Taylor.” Detective Morgan broke in. “I’ll take you all to the bureau. We have a helicopter fueled and ready to go for you.”

Brian turned to the detective quickly. For the first time, he was softening while the rest of them were tenser than they had been all night.

Within minutes, Brian, Brooke and Lance were in the air flying the short distance to Hanover. Brian stared out the window down to the sleepy cities below. He began to pray for the thousandth time that day for Alexa's life. Repeatedly in his mind, the vision ran of Alexa getting shot. Though the camera only showed one angle, Brian saw the shot at every angle imaginable in his mind. In front of Alexa, BOOM. Behind Alexa, BOOM. On the side of Alexa, BOOM. Over and over Alexa screamed out in pain as blood began to pour out of her arm: BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.

When they arrived to the hospital, Alexa was in surgery. She was unconscious when she arrived, but she had began to breathe on her own again, which was a good sign. However, the doctors couldn't tell how long her brain had been without oxygen. Judging from the descriptions of Brian, Brooke and Lance from watching the video, it seemed that she was probably going to wake up without any brain damage. Still, she wasn't completely out of the woods. During the surgery, the doctors needed to remove the bullet that was lodged in Alexa's shoulder and sew her scalp back together from where she had been bludgeoned by Ben.

Alexa was proving to be very lucky. She easily could have a concussion, which you aren't supposed to fall asleep with, or a broken skull, but it seemed like Ben had lessened the blow once he reached her head.

After speaking with the doctor, Lance and Brooke went to sit in the waiting room until Alexa was out of surgery. Brooke was still highly distraught, but also relieved, that her little sister had been found alive. She felt so incredibly guilty for not being more concerned that Alexa was spending so much time with a complete stranger that night. Of course, that was the mommy in her talking. She wasn't Alexa's mother, though she had tended to be the mother figure for so many years. Neither Alexa nor Brooke couldn't possibly have known the danger in simply walking someone out that she met at an exclusive party at Brooke and Lance's house. In the end, Colin seemed to fight for Alexa, although at that point it was too late.

Brian glanced over at Brooke and Lance. In many ways, he felt that he was intruding on some family moment. They didn't know what he and Alexa had shared. Alexa may have mentioned their relationship to Brooke, but Brooke was never there to see the amount to love that they had for each other. She had no idea how much Alexa had done for him—not that either Brooke or Lance had discounted his feelings either.

By this time, Brian had been awake for almost a full day. Still, he didn't think that he could sleep if he tried. The image of Alexa tied to that cot—bleeding, suffering—still plagued his mind. When he closed his eyes, the imagery of the entire horrifying experience was tattooed on the backs of his eye lids. Now, he still didn't know if she would make it through the night.

A few hours later, the doctor came into the waiting room to tell Brian, Brook and Lance that Alexa had made it out of surgery. She was probably going to be fine, but they didn't know the extent of, if any, brain damage had been done by the lack of blood and oxygen that had been circulating in her brain. Apparently, she was going to be knocked out for a while due to the heavy anesthetic that had been administered during her surgery.

When the doctor walked away, Lance turned to Brooke, who was now wiping a set of happy tears from her face. “Baby,” Lance started, as he wrapped his arm around Brooke's waist, “there's a nice looking hotel right across the street. You really need some rest, why don't we got check in for the night?”

Brooke shook her head emphatically. “No, I'm not leaving her alone.”

“I'll be here.” Brian spoke up. “I mean, I know that she's your sister, but you really should get some rest. Alexa is going to hate waking up to see you crumbled over in a chair. Of course, I don't want you to think that I'm forcing you out.”

Brooke sighed and rested her hands on her pregnant belly. If Alexa did happen to wake up, she'd probably be more relieved to see Brian sitting there anyway. She finally nodded. “You're probably right. The doctor gave her another eight hours anyway, right? To give her some time to rest and all?”

Lance nodded. “Exactly. It's the middle of the night. We're used to getting up with Wes, anyway, so we'll be up and back over here in plenty of time for Alexa to wake up.”

“Okay,” Brooke relented. “I am pretty tired and this baby has been kicking me for hours. We also need to call the babysitter and check on Wes.” Brooke reached over to Brian and hugged him tightly. She knew that since Alexa had been found, Brian had gotten pretty tense. The truth was, he and Alexa weren't together and he had no idea what Alexa had told them about him. She wanted to give Brian at least a little comfort if she could. “If she does wake up, she'll be really glad that you're here.”

Brian smiled and kissed Brooke on the cheek. “Thank you. I'll call you if anything changes.”

Brooke let go of Brian and allowed Lance to take her across the street to the hotel. Brian followed Alexa's nurse to room 3201. The number flashed in his head. 3201. That was their room number the first time that they went to Kentucky. Brian smiled to himself and ran his fingers over the numbers. He guessed that he could take that as a good sign. Brian sighed before finally opening the door and entering the room.

As he walked toward the bed, he began to tremble. It had been months since he's seen her face. Now, she was bruised and battered—a lot of which had to do with him.

Brian shook his head. He couldn't go on feeling guilty again. Ben was a deranged man. It wasn't fair to Brian for him to think that things would have necessarily been different if he wasn't in the picture. Alexa worked for Ben for a long time, who knows what would have happened in the future. Brian also had the sinking feeling that Ben may have had some underlying feelings for Alexa, though the world will never know.

Brian walked over to the bed and took Alexa's hand in his own. He rubbed the top of her hand with his thumb. Gentle tears began to run down his face. She was still here. She was still alive and mostly okay. He had come so close to losing her forever. He kissed the back of her hand and placed her hand gently back on the bed.

He reached behind him and pulled the pink, cushioned visitor's chair over to Alexa's hospital bed. He leaned back in the chair and watched her chest rise and fall slowly. It was hard to imagine how he could have thought that he didn't want anything to do with her. Even with Alexa lying there, not conscious, Brian felt complete just being near her. She was the wedge that was missing from his sphere. She was his 'Missing Piece.'

Brian leaned his head back and let his eyes close slowly. Finally, he was able to drift off into a semi-peaceful sleep.

The next morning, Brooke and Lance arrived back to the hospital before 9 a.m. Brian took that moment to reluctantly excuse himself from Alexa's room. Though he didn't want to leave her side, he knew that he the family needed their time alone together as well. Alexa hadn't yet awoken after her surgery, but Brian hoped that if she did happen to wake up while he was gone, that either Brooke or Lance would call to let him know.

Brian decided to go down to the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee. He definitely needed a pick-me-up after the string of days that he had been having. Not to mention that he was up every hour checking to make sure that Alexa was still breathing, which usually occurred after a nightmare of epic proportions. The nightmares tended to start out peacefully enough. He and Alexa were back at home in Georgia. He had his arms wrapped around her tightly and they would fall asleep after whispering, “I love you.” The next morning, he would wake up and she would be gone. The sheets would be blood stained. He would run around the house and on every television screen was Ben's face. He was speaking maniacally and he'd shoot her, but there was nothing that Brian could do. He was trapped in he house from every door and window except for one. There as a window in the attic that was opened. Brian would climb to the attic and look down. He had to decide. If he jumped, he risked harming himself. However, if he was successful, he saved both of them.

In the dream, Brian never jumped and Alexa always died. Before her final breath, she say, “It's okay. I'll love you forever.” Then, all of the muscles in her body would relax and her head would fall to the side. Her eyes remained opened and though she was dead, there was a disappointment that lurked inside of her gaze. It was terrifying.

After getting his coffee, Brian sat down on the outside patio where many doctors and patients were eating quietly. He set his coffee cup on the glass-topped table and ran his forefinger around the rim of the Styrofoam cup. The dream had really shaken him up. He knew that it wasn't real, but if he was such a pansy in his dream, if he couldn't jump, even in his imagination, the how could he be expected to take that leap in reality.

Brian rested his elbows on the table and put his head in his hands. It was just like Brian to sike himself out and to put terrifying images in his own mind. What did his dream mean? Did it mean that even if he jumped that he'd never be able to save Alexa? How would be know; he never did.

Brian gazed up at the hospital behind him. Alexa was in one of those rooms, sleeping peacefully. When he watched her on the screen, suffering and in pain, he wanted nothing more than to be with her. Now, he couldn't help but to get the impression that being with Alexa was going to hurt her more than it was going to help. Maybe he had fooled himself into thinking that they were right together? Maybe he wanted to make sure that she was alive for his own selfish needs? She deserved more than he would ever be able to give her, right? He had never fully given her his full heart and she deserved a heart and a half. Maybe he should just leave, as if he was never here.

Brian shook his head at the thought. No. He had to stay. He had to see her. He had to talk to her. He had to know that she was all right.

Brian gulped down the last sip of his coffee and stood from the small table at which he was sitting. He tossed the cup into the garbage can and stuffed his hands into his pockets. Brian kept his head low as he made his way through the hospital. News crews had mostly been kept outside, but the occasional reporter had still been allowed to creep in. No one had yet figured out his role in Alexa Owens' life, though it should have been obvious.

When Brian arrived back to Alexa's room close to an hour after leaving that morning, he was shocked to hear animated voices coming from inside. Brooke was lying over Alexa's bed, hugging her tightly. Lance had Alexa's hand in his own and kissed her forehead softly. She was awake.

Alexa looked past Brooke and noticed Brian walk into the room. Immediately, tears sprang into her eyes. “You're here.” She whispered weakly.

Brooke jumped back from Alexa and wiped the tears that were dripped from her eyes. “Oh, Brian. We're sorry we didn't call. The doctor's came and checked her out and they just left a few minutes ago.”

Brian nodded slowly. He didn't hear what Brooke was saying. He was so happy to see Alexa awake and smiling. He walked over to her slowly and kissed the top of her head and then her lips. “Welcome back, Beautiful.” Brian whispered softly. He, too, began to cry, but immediately wiped the fresh tears that were dripping from his eyes.

Alexa looked at Brian as if she hadn't seen him in years. Really, she didn't know if she would ever see him again. Looking at him now was like looking at an angel. “They said that you'd been here. That you stayed all night.”

Brian smiled and nodded. “I was and I did, but we don't need to talk about that right now, okay? You've been through a lot and I'm glad that you're awake, but you need to take it easy.”

Lance nodded. “Brian's right, Aly. One thing at a time okay? The doctor's are going to come back in to take you for some tests in a minute.”

Alexa nodded and turned her head to glance out the window of her hospital room. “Was it terrible?” She whispered softly to no one in particular.

“Was what terrible, Sweetie?” Brooke asked while gently rubbing the back of Alexa's hand with her palm.

“Was it terrible to watch everything? It was on the Internet, wasn't it? That's how you found me?” Alexa looked between Lance, Brooke and Brian. Her gaze stopped on Brian. She pulled her hand away from Brooke and wiped the tears that were falling down her face. “I was thinking about you the entire time. Before Ben told the world that it was Colin that he killed, I swore it was you. I thought that he killed you.”

Brian shook his head and wiped the tears from Alexa's face, gently. “I'm going to be honest with you. It was completely terrifying to watch. It was heart-wrenching watching you bleed to death and not being able to do anything about it, but you're safe and Ben's dead. We're all safe.”

Alexa nodded. “He killed himself.” She whispered softly with a far away look in his eyes. “Just like Daddy did. He shot himself.”

Brooke bit her trembling lip. During the entire two days, never had she imagined that Alexa was making that connection. Though Ben was nothing like her father, Alexa still had to have seen their father's face when Ben pulled the trigger.

Before anyone had a chance to respond, a nurse came in to take Alexa for additional testing. Brian watched helplessly as they wheeled her away. She was so broken. She had been so happy to see him, but her mood had changed so quickly. It was terrifying. He couldn't do anything for her. No matter if he took the leap. He was barely emotionally capable enough to handle himself.

-------

Hours later, Brooke and Lance had opted to leave Brian and Alexa alone for a while. Baltimore was only an hour away, so they decided to rent a car and drive home to relieve the babysitter. They were due back at any minute.

Alexa had fallen asleep shortly after returning from her tests. The doctor said that she looked like she was going to make a full recovery though it was going to take a while. When Alexa awoke, Brooke and Lance were already gone. Brian had tried to strike up a casual conversation, but Alexa hadn't really been in the mood to talk. Throughout the day, Brian was becoming more and more frightened by where Alexa's head was. He didn't think that she'd wake up and be all rainbows and butterflies, but somehow, he didn't expect this either.

Alexa looked over at him and sighed. “I'm sorry that I haven't really been up to talking. I know that we both have a lot to say and I just... it's been a rough couple of days.”

Brian sighed and nodded slowly. He tried his best to smile. “I completely understand. You've been though a lot.”

“I missed you a lot.” Alexa said softly as she reached out for Brian's hand that was lying on the side of her bed.

Brian nodded and sighed. “Aly, I...”

Alexa shook her head and closed her eyes. She knew what was coming. He was going to leave again. She knew that he probably let himself feel responsible and now that he knew that she was okay, he was going to be out the door. “Don't do this Brian. Not now, please.”

“What do you mean?” Brian asked. His eyes were narrowed sympathetically.

“One way or another, you're either going to break my heart or you're going to make everything right again.” Alexa responded softly. “If it's the former, I don't want to know. I just... I want to pretend like everything is okay, when really, everything is so fucked up.”

Brian closed his eyes and sighed. He knew what he had to do, but saying the words was going to be so hard. His head was forcing him one way, but his heart was telling him, 'No.'

Brian licked his lips softly. “Alexa, I am more than thankful that you survived what Ben did to you. Despite everything that I've been though, my heart surgery, losing my wife, watching you die was the most dreadful thing of all, but I can't pretend like I'm going to be everything that you need me to be.”

Alexa pulled her hand away and looked away from Brian. “I asked you not to do this right now. I knew it was coming, but I can't handle it. Why can't you just stay quiet for a little while?”

“Aly, listen to me.” Brian said softly. He reached over to turn Alexa's face toward him gently. “To be able to be good for you, I have to be good for myself. I'm not complete without you—but I need to be. Right now, you don't need someone without a string of their own problems to add to yours, you have to understand that.”

Alexa shook her head. “I don't. It sounds like a total cop-out to me. You can't tell me that you love me and then walk away when I need you the most. It doesn't work that way.”

“I do love you, Alexa.” Brian replied. Tears were starting to fall from his eyes. “I love you more than you'll ever know.”

“Then why do you choose to make us both miserable? Because I did something messed up? Well guess what Brian, I almost got killed over it. I don't need to be punished twice.” Alexa said as she jerked her head away from Brian touch.

“It's not about that, Alexa. Not anymore.” Brian closed his eyes and shook his head. “I'm doing this for you. You don't understand that now, but you will.”

Alexa swallowed hard and turned to look back out the window. “Just go, Brian. Just leave. This isn't fair to me to sit here and watch you and want to be with you, while you just have so many excuses. This world doesn't completely revolve around you.” Alexa shrugged and sighed softly. “Even as I'm saying it, maybe the truth is, I need to realize that, too.”

Brian nodded. “Someday things will be better for us, Alexa. Just not now.”

Alexa let out a sarcastic, breathy laugh and shook her head. “No. You've just proved so much to me right now. Things will never be okay for us. If you can watch me die and still walk away from me the next day, it says so much about how little that I mean to you. Please, just go.”

Brian licked his lips slowly and then bit his bottom lip. There was so much that he still wanted to say. He wanted to reach out and hold her and be there for her, but he knew that he couldn't be what she needed. Brian back out of the room slowly and let his tears roll freely down his cheeks. “Goodbye, Alexa.” He whispered softly before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

Once outside in the hallway, Brian leaned against the door. He doubled over in pain and let himself freely sob. This time, he had no one to blame for his misery but himself. The words that he spoke to her were true, she needed so much more than he could give to her. It wouldn't be fair for him to try. When he noticed Lance, Brooke and their young son walking toward him looking concerned, Brian wiped his eyes quickly and walked the opposite way down the hallway.

-------

Alexa got out of the hospital close to two weeks later later. Now months after her attack, she still felt bitter and cold. The world that she used to look at with so much admiration and grace, she now looked at as being unfair and repulsive.

Brian and the other Backstreet Boys were everywhere these days. It was as if she couldn't escape him. He was on tour and would be stopping in Maryland at the end of next week. Alexa vowed to be as far away from that venue as humanly possibly.

Since her doctors had suggested extensive therapy following her attack, Brooke insisted upon it. Week after week, she sat in Doctor Newberry's office silently. She didn't have anything to say. The root of her problems was obvious... men. Deranged men and weak men.

“Alexa,” Doctor Newberry began toward the middle of she and Alexa's sixth session. “You've been coming into my office religiously, once a week for the last six weeks, but we've effectively gotten no where. You've haven't told me a single thing. I can't help you if you don't talk to me.”

Alexa shrugged. “Maybe I don't need any help.”

“You wouldn't keep coming in here if you believed that.” The doctor replied as she pushed her stylish eye glasses up the base of her nose. “Why don't we talk about your life in general?”

Alexa laughed softly. “Now Doctor, where exactly would you like me to begin? Would you like me to start with the mother that I never knew and don't care to know? Or with how my dad blew his brains out because he couldn't take care of my sister and I anymore? How about the famous ex-boyfriend who seems to be everywhere right now? Of course there's also the matter of the former, now dead, boss that tried to murder me. How about you pick?”

“How about we start with the famous ex-boyfriend? It was your relationship with him that seemed to get you into the situation with Ben Silverman.” The doctor replied, happy to finally have Alexa talking.

Alexa shook her head. “He didn't have anything to do with where I ended up with, Ben. If you want to get technical with it, my dad dying is actually what sent me knocking on Ben's door.”

“But you were in the position that you were with Ben because of your relationship with Brian were you not?” The doctor prodded.

Alexa sighed. “Yes and no. Yes, because Ben is the one that sent me to Brian in some ill-fated scheme, which I guess worked in the long-run. But no, because who knows what would have happened in the future. Ben was bound to snap anyway, wasn't he?”

Doctor Newberry shrugged. “Not necessarily.”

Alexa shook her head. “No, as much as I would like to, I'm not going to blame what happened to me on Brian.”

“As much as you would like to?” The doctor started, “what does that mean?”

Alexa shook her head and looked away. “It doesn't mean anything.”

The doctor nodded. “You're still in love with him?”

Alexa crossed her arms and shrugged. Her lip unwillingly began to tremble. “I'm an idiot.”

“No, you're not.” Doctor Newberry replied, gently. “At the risk of sounding cliché, your heart wants what it wants. If you really wanted to stop wanting him, you would.”

Alexa sighed. “Maybe I don't.”

“Is that really a healthy notion?”

Alexa shrugged again. “You're the doctor, you tell me.”

“I wasn't in the relationship.”

“What if I say that being with Brian was the best that I ever felt?” Alexa started. She wiped the tears away from her face. “And that being away from him is the worst, even in the face of death?”

The doctor nodded slowly and tapped her pen against her notepad. “So, I hear his group is coming through Baltimore soon.”

“And I won't be anywhere near there.” Alexa replied with a sigh. “If he wants me, he knows where to find me.”

-------

It was late at night in New York City. The Backstreet Boys had just finished their fifth tour stop at Radio City Music Hall for their new album titled 'Never Gone'. The name if the album was so appropriate for so many different reasons.

Brian was currently sitting backstage by himself. The other Boys had long since gone back to the hotel. Brian enjoyed this time at night. Even though stage hands were bustling around him, tearing down the set and packing away equipment, it was still peaceful. He had time to think.

Mostly, he thought about what he always seemed to think about these days. He was littered with regret for not being able to stand up and be the man that Alexa needed. Though, partly, he had been right. In the months that passed since he had last seen Alexa, he had let go of so much. He had stopped sleeping around. He had stopped feeling sorry for himself. Seeing Alexa go through everything that she went though was the push that he really needed to realize that he had it good regardless of the heartbreaks and the hurt that he had endured.

Brian sighed. He picked up his guitar that was lying next to him and strummed along quietly with a song that was playing in his head. Suddenly he began to sing softly, “A thousand times I've see you standing/ gravity like lunar landing/ you make me want to run til I find you/I shut the world away from here, drift to you you're all I hear/as everything we know fades to black/half the time the world is ending/truth is I am done pretending/I never thought that I had anymore to give/you're pushing me so far, here I am without you/dream* of all that we have lost/mistakes we have made/everything will change, but love remains the same.”

Brian looked up as he heard someone clear their throat. In front of him, AJ stood in the doorway. “Singing about Hayden, huh?” AJ asked with a smirk.

Brian shrugged and sighed, then set the guitar down beside him. “Yeah, we'll go with that.”

“It's an awesome song.” AJ replied, walking slowly into the room with his arms crossed in front of him.

“Thanks,” Brian mumbled. “I thought that you'd all left.”

“Nah,” AJ replied. “Sometimes, I hang around late, too. B, why don't you just go to her?”

“Well, J,” Brian started sarcastically, “mostly because she's dead.”

AJ sighed and gave Brian a small smirk. “You know who I meant.”

Brian shrugged. “I don't know, Man. I said a lot of stupid things. It's been a really long time. I don't want to be the reason that she's thrown back into all of the bad things that happened to her.”

AJ nodded slowly. He didn't want to push the issue, but he knew that Brian missed Alexa more than he would admit. “How do you know that you're not the thing that's hurting her the most right now?”

“I don't, I guess.” Brian replied after a slight pause. He had always assumed that Alexa easily let him go after he had so harshly told her that he wasn't going to be around when she needed him.

“I don't know much,” AJ replied, “but I do know that you and Alexa Owens are made for each other. She's been through a lot this year and I get that you wanted to be yourself again before you could completely give of yourself, but you're good now. Maybe it's time to let her off the hook. You know that even if you told her that you've let go of all that Ben stuff—especially since he tried to kill her—she still believes that that's the reason that you had to walk away.”

Brian nodded. “I know and it kind of kills me. I let go of Ben Silverman a long time ago, but I assume that she has to living with seeing him every day.”

AJ shrugged. “So, what are you going to do?”

------

Later that same night, Brian went back to the hotel and tossed and turned. His conversation with AJ rolled around in his head. Alexa had told him that if he walked away, she was done, but had she really meant it? Brian didn't know and he assumed that he never would.

He missed the relationship that they had every single day. It was different than the things that he missed when they had first broken up. When they first broke up, Brian missed having someone there to lean on. He missed waking up to a beautiful face in the morning. He missed the companionship. Now, though he still missed those things too, the things that he missed the most were purely Alexa. He missed her smile. He missed her laugh. He missed her gentle nature, her kind words. He missed how compassionate and understanding that she also was. He missed her friendship.

Brian sighed and selfishly picked up the phone. He dialed a familiar number, secretly hoping that he was sent to voice mail. He really just wanted to hear her voice.

“Hello?” Alexa answered the phone groggily. It was obvious that she hadn't looked at the caller ID.

Brian remained silent on the other end. He hadn't really thought this through. He had no idea what he was going to say to her if she happened to pick up. Why did she pick up? Did she know how late it was? “H-hi.” Brian replied, softly. “It's me. It's Brian.”

Alexa remained silent on the other end. Brian had to look at the phone to make sure that they were still connected. Finally, she sighed. “What do you want?”

Brian closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “I don't know, honestly. I wanted to hear your voice.”

Alexa laughed harshly. Her breathing then became uneven. “That's not fair, Brian. It's not fair for you to call me and say that you wanted to hear my voice so that you can get your jollies, meanwhile tearing my heart out.”

“I never meant to hurt you, Aly.” Brian replied softly. This had been such a bad idea. She was right, it hadn't been fair. “I miss you so much. I do.”

“Stop.” Alexa replied harshly. “Stop saying that. Unless you're outside the door on your knees begging for my forgiveness right at this very moment, just stop. I can't do this up and down with you. I miss you, too, every single day. It's not fair. Are you outside?”

Brian swallowed back the lump in his throat. “No. I'm not. I'm going to be in Baltimore in a couple days-”

“You don't get it, do you?” Alexa replied, sniffling. “I can't be your friend. I'm not going to sit here and tell you how I feel about you so that you can get some kind of sick satisfaction from it. You know how I feel and when you're in Baltimore, if you want me, you know how to find me.”

With that, the line disconnected. Brian felt like a complete ass. He never thought that she might still have such strong feelings toward him. After the coward the he had been, he had assumed that he hated him. Part him thought that she was right, he really just wanted some kind of sick affirmation as to where she stood as far as he concerned.

Brian had to stop. He had to leave her alone. He had to let her live her life. He had to let her go.

------

A few days later, Alexa was sitting at home flipping through the channels. She was presently alone in the large house, which was a welcome treat. Even though Brooke had given birth only a few weeks before, she still thought that she needed to watch Alexa's every move. She was more worried about Alexa disappearing than she was her own children.

With every flick of the remote button, she became more and more sickened. Every local channel was talking about the Backstreet Boys being back and taking over Baltimore. “Gag me,” Alexa said to herself as she shut the television off and threw the remote down next to her on the couch.

Alexa sighed to herself and looked back at the blank television. She had been in this routine all day. She'd turn the television on, watch Brian and the others for as long as she could handle and then turn it back off and stare at the black screen. She thought that she saw sadness in Brian's eyes and in his forced chuckles, but then she would laugh at herself and roll her eyes.

If she was honest with herself she'd realize that she wanted to see sadness there. She half expected Brian to show up at the door. All day, she waited for the knock and then hated herself for wanted to hear it so badly. He had made his choice and she had told him to stay away. So, that was it. It was over.

AJ had actually sent her a ticket to that night's show. Alexa assumed that it was some kind of lame attempt to get she and Brian in the same room together. Brian probably didn't even know that AJ had sent the tickets.

Alexa flipped the television back on. They Boys were giving an interview to a local news channel. Of course, the questions turned to a local story. “Brian, you know our own Alexa Owens. Do you want to comment on how she's doing?”

Brian smiled and looked down. He paused before looking back up and answering the reporter's question. “Well, I hear that she's doing well. I don't really know because I haven't seen her in a while."

"You were a big part of that story, but still, no one really knows why." The reporter continued psuhing.

Brian licked his lips slowly and inhaled deeply before answering. "All that I'll say is that Alexa is a very special person to me. She'll always have a piece of my heart and I'm glad that she's alive and doing well. We actually need to get outta here before we have a fan situation.” Brian chuckled and the others agreed. With that, they were gone as quickly as they had appeared.

Alexa watched as they all walked away. Apparently, the topic of Alexa was as sore for Brian as the topic of Brian was for Alexa.

Alexa sighed and glanced down at the concert ticket that Brooke had so obviously left out on the coffee table knowing that they would be directly in her Alexa's line of view.

Alexa groaned and ran her hands through her hair. She got up off of the couch and started toward the kitchen, but stopped about halfway there. She walked back to the living room and stood in front of the coffee table with her hands on her hips. She shook her head and turned back around. This time she only took two steps away before turning back around and snatching the tickets up off of the coffee table in front of her. Who was she kidding? She was always going to go to that show. Even if she didn't get to speak to Brian, at least she would be there, closer to him than she'd been in months. 

-------

During the entire show, Brian scanned the crowd cautiously for Alexa. He had sent her a ticket to that night's show, though he had used AJ's name. He wasn't sure if anyone would allow her to receive mail from him. Though he didn't know Brooke very well, he knew that she was protective over her sister.

Brian sighed as the opened chords of 'I Still' began to play. His mind had been on Alexa all night. It was unnerving. This was the first time he had been back to the area since she had gotten kidnapped. Maryland was full of nothing but bad memories for Brian.

Brian licked his lips and began to sing the opening lines of the song. As he sang, so many memories came floating back. Little did he know, Alexa was walking into the venue right at that moment.

“Where are you now? Are you still the same or did you change somehow?”

She was a young woman, early to mid- 20s, with intense blue eyes and soft features. For the first time since his wife had passed away, Brian was enamored by the beauty of another woman.

“Are you okay?” She asked softly, her brow furrowed in concern for Brian.

“Yeah,” Brian huffed, finally catching his breath. “I’m fine, thank you.”

He turned quickly to leave, but she called out to him. “I’m Alexa!” Brian turned back around, this time standing feet away from her instead of inches. “I just moved in down the street.” Alexa pointed at the house across the street from Brian’s.

Without realizing it, he had made his way back around the block and was practically standing in front of his own home. “You’re moving in a little early in the morning, aren’t you?”

Alexa shrugged. “Eh, I guess so. I thought that I’d get here early enough so that I could avoid all that neighborly nonsense. You know, introductions, strange people walking up to you in the street, stuff like that.” She smirked casually.

He chuckled softly at the irony and then started to walk backwards toward his house. “Yeah, definitely.” Brian nodded a goodbye and turned back around. “It was nice to meet you, Alexa.”

Brian was thrown back to reality quickly. Before he realized what was happened, tears were rolling down his cheeks. “What do you do/At this very moment/When I think of you/And when I'm looking back/How we were young and stupid/Do you remember that?”

“I’m going to my first Backstreet Boys concert, Brian.” Alexa argued. “I have to be able to sing along.”

Brian laughed and shook his head. “Well, Sweetheart, I can PROMISE you that this song will NOT be sung tonight.”

Alexa tilted her head and sighed. “So, you never break out the oldies, huh?”

“I have nothing to do with it anymore, remember?” Brian laughed and walked over to the stereo, mindlessly flipping through the stack of CDs that were placed next to it. “But even if I did, ‘Get Down’ is not one of the songs that I would choose to sing. Where did you even find these?”

Alexa shrugged. “They were stashed away in the closest in a box marked ‘as close to death as a person can come.’ Were you having a dark day that day?”

Brian chucked. “There was no box that said that.”

Alexa grinned. “I guess it’s just your word against mine. You know, there are a couple of songs on here that I really love. You want to hear them?”

Brian rolled his eyes and smiled. “Here we go. Yeah, let’s hear them.”

She scanned back a few tracks on the album and Brian immediately noticed the intense boom of the bass as the song started.

Alexa began to sing along as A.J.’s young voice filled the air. “You’ve got something/so incredible in my eyes/my heart starts pumping/whenever you’re around/my whole worlds upside down baby.”

She danced around aimlessly as Brian’s part in the song began to play. Brian leaned against his mahogany dresser and shoved his hands in his pockets. Watching her tease him was rather amusing.

“I always gotta make a play/ohh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh/ohh-oh-oh-oh-oh/Boys will be boys.” Alexa continued to sing, then stopped and looked over at Brian with a smirk. “You were a bunch of dirty boys, weren’t you? So, tell me, were you advocating date rape in this song or what?”

Brian shook his head and continued grinning. “You got me. Are you quite finished yet?”

“Oh, Baby.” Alexa replied with a smile. “I’ve just begun.”

Nick glanced over at Brian curiously as he sang his line. It was obvious that his mind was somewhere else. He was having a breakdown in front of thousands of people.“No matter how I fight it, can't deny it/Just can't let you go.”

Like a cannon, Brian shot down the stairs and out the door. “Wait!” He called as he ran across the street where Alexa was just climbing into her car. “Don’t go.”

Alexa sighed and closed her eyes refusing to turn around. “What are you doing here?”

Brian grabbed Alexa by the waist, forcing her to look at him. “I said, 'don’t go."”

Brian’s touch sent chills down Alexa’s spine and the pain in his eyes sent an aching to her heart. She shook her head. “You’re too late. I have to go.”

“Alexa, I know I’m a mess.” Brian began as he held onto her waist. “I’m an emotional wreck. I’m moody. You can’t trust my judgment as far as you can throw me, but there’s one thing, if it’s the only thing that I know right now and that is that I can’t let you go. Not yet. Not now.”

The group came together to sing the chorus in unison. From the audience, Alexa watched intensely. Tears were running down Brian's face. The crowd was murmuring amongst themselves. They had never seen Brian so emotional before.

“I still need you. I still care about you. Though everything's been said and done.”

Alexa took a step closer and took his hand gently. “It's all real, Brian. Everything that I told you about my life is true. I just left out my former place of employment. I never meant to hurt you. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. I already told you-- the entire time that we were together, I didn't work for Ben. I promise you. They were not paying me to be with you.”

“We started sleeping together before we officially got together, Alexa. Was he paying you then?” Brian held his breath as he waited for her answer. This was it. This was the question that was going to make or break their future.

Alexa's lips started to tremble. Could she lie to him again and just tell him no? Would he believe her or would that only make the situation worse? What did he already know? Alexa decided to be truthful. She bowed her head and closed her eyes. “Yes.” She whispered softly.

Brian pulled his hand away from hers. He felt used. He felt dirty. He felt sick. “In my book Alexa,” Brian replied in a cold, even tone, “that makes you no better than the average street whore.”

“I still feel you like I'm right beside you. There's still no word from you.”

Brian opened his eyes as AJ began to sing. He quickly wiped the tears that were running down his face, though it was no use, more tears just insisted on taking their place. Down below, the crowd was screaming out for him, somehow knowing that it was Alexa that he was crying over. He kept hearing shouts of, “She's here!” and “Don't cry, just open your eyes.”

Of all people, the fans had found Alexa. She was in the crowd, the in middle of the entire frenzy. Some of the crazier fans were jumping all over her, trying to send her closer to the stage toward Brian. Brian stood stunned for longer than he should have. His and Alexa's eyes met for an instant. He ran off the side of the stage and instructed his bodyguard to take Alexa into his dressing him and keep her there no matter what he had to do. Brian wasn't going to lose her again. He was tired of running from the truth.

-----

The rest of the concert seemed to go by amazingly slow for Alexa. Though she could see the performance from the monitor in Brian's dressing room, she still felt like it was never going to end. At one point, she had tried to just leave, but Randy, Brian's bodyguard, had insisted that she stay. Whatever happened next couldn't be good. So far she'd been attacked by rabid Backstreet Boys fans and kidnapped for the second time that year.

Alexa watched nervously as the show ended and Brian rushed off of the stage. Within seconds, he burst through the dressing room door and then just stood there. He looked at Alexa as if she were a ghost. Alexa stood from where she was seated on the leather couch against the back wall. This time, she wasn't going to give him the opportunity to hurt her.

“Who do you think that you are?” She started harshly. “Don't you think that I've been through enough this year? But no, you decide to have your bodyguard trap me in a little room with no windows. Do you ever think?”

Brian just stood back smiling softly. He extended his hand to Alexa, taking a cue from the letter that she had written to him months ago. “Hi, I'm Brian.”

Alexa looked at his hand confused. “I know who you are. What are you talking about? And what's all this crap about still not hearing anything from me? You've known where to find me. I don't get you!”

Brian laughed to himself. He should have been more nervous, but somehow, he knew that Alexa put her guard up because she was afraid that he was going to hurt her again. “Your letter. You said that you wanted to get to know each other again. Well, here I am. I'm Brian.”

Alexa shook her head and replied softly, “I wrote that letter to you months ago. You just now got around to reading it?”

“No,” Brian replied. “I read it right before I showed up at Brooke and Lance's house, which was obviously weeks later. Here's the thing, Aly. I'm crazy about you. I can't stop thinking about you and I was an idiot for letting you go. You've been through a lot, too much, and I thought that having to deal with me was only going to make that harder for you. I want you more than you'll ever know. I can't leave here without you.”

Alexa clenched her jaw. She had finally heard the words that she had been longing to hear for so long. How did she know that she could believe him this time? “You might not have any choice but to do so, Brian.”

Brian took a step closer and took her hands into his gently. Much to his pleasure, she didn't immediately pull her hands away. “Alexa, if you can look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me and tell me that you don't want to be with me, then that's it. I'm out the door and you never have to see me again; however, something is telling me that you won't be able to.”

Alexa stared into Brian's reddened eyes. He was obviously holding back a fresh set of tears. “I really want to say that, Brian. I really want to be able to let you go, but I can't. I love you so much. Even after everything, even after you pulling me in and pushing me away time after time, I still can't imagine living in this world without you, but I need to know that you're serious this time. I need to know that it's real.”

Brian pulled Alexa close and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Baby,” he whispered softly. “I said before that I needed to be whole before I could be with you, but then I realized that I needed to be with you to be whole. There is nothing that you could do to make me walk away from you again. Alexa, I love you more than it is humanly possibly to ever show, but I swear to God that I will try every day of my life to do just that.”

Alexa melted at Brian's every word, part of her hated herself for being so weak, the other part was elated. A shiver went up her spine as she could feel his warm breath on her lips. She shook her head slowly and laughed as she leaned in closer. “I didn't stand a chance.”

Brian laughed and nodded. “That's kind of what I was going for.”

He leaned in and kissed her passionately. After months of pain and heartache, neither Brian nor Alexa imagined that life could be this good, but in an instant, the entire world began to turn from black and white back to color. Finally, both Brian and Alexa were able to see past the illusions of deceit on to the bright future that waited ahead.

Epilogue

-2 years later-

Alexa inhaled deeply from where she stood at the back of the old, beautiful church. The next day, she would be walking down the long aisle in front of her to become Mrs. Brian Littrell.

Everything was already put together for the next day. The alter was set with grand bouquets of flowers. At the end of every pew hung smaller bouquets of red and white roses. A deep red carpet lined the aisle that would be leading her to the love of her life. Everything was perfect.

Alexa jumped when she felt a set of strong arms wrap around her from behind. She smiled when she felt Brian's lips on her neck. “Hello, soon-to-be Mrs. Littrell.”

Alexa laughed softly. “Hello, soon-to-be Mr. Alexa Owens.”

Brian laughed as Alexa turned around and kissed him softly. “You think so, huh?”

Alexa shrugged. “It's only fair. I take your name, you take mine.”

Brian rolled his eyes, playfully. “I think that defeats the purpose.”

Alexa smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Details.”

Brian laughed and kissed her again. “It looks amazing in here.”

“I know.” Alexa replied, turning around to look back at the church. “It's beautiful.”

“Second thoughts?” Brian asked, smirking casually.

“Not a single one.” Alexa replied confidently. She had never been more sure of anything in her life. “You?”

“Not in your lifetime, Baby.” Brian reached down and grabbed her hand gently between his. “Want to go get some dinner before our lovely friends sweep us away from each other for the night?”

Alexa took one look back at the church, already wishing that it were the next day. “Absolutely.”

------

As Brian stood in front of the tilted full length mirror that stood in the corner of his dressing room, he admired his appearance. He was dressed in a full black tuxedo with a deep-red tie. He smiled to himself as he straightened the tie in the mirror. “Looking good, Littrell.” Brian said to himself, then chuckled.

There was a soft knock at the door. Brian turned around, just as AJ peeked inside. “Hey, Man, are you ready?”

Brian smiled and let out a satisfied breath. “Completely.”

“Well, then, come on.” AJ replied, with a smile playing on his lips. It was hard not to smile when your best friend was so completely happy. “Let's get married, Buddy.”

Brian walked out of the dressing room behind AJ and took his place at the alter. On a cool fall day nine months earlier, Brian had asked Alexa to marry to him. It was Thanksgiving. They were at Brian's parents' house. Brooke, Lance, Wesley and baby Samantha were also in attendance. Brian had called Alexa's family months before to make sure that they would be there when he popped the big question.

Brian was shocked that Alexa didn't see it coming from a mile away. The entire day, his mom kept cornering Alexa and hugging her tightly and telling her how happy she was that Alexa was in their lives. Later, Alexa had told him that she was afraid that he was leaving her. It was after dinner and the entire family was gathered around the table. Harold, Leslie and their, now two-year-old, Hailey, were across from where Brian and Alexa were sitting. Brooke and her family were sitting beside Alexa down the side of the long table. Brian jiggled the ring nervously in his pocket.

During dessert, Brian stood up from his spot at the table and turned to Alexa. The entire room fell silent, knowing what about about to come. Brian smiled at Alexa who was looking up at him nervously. “Alexa,” Brian started, slowly.

“Brian,” Alexa responded, causing a chuckle to resonate throughout the room.

Brian laughed and looked down at his feet for a moment. When he looked back into her deep, blue eyes all of his nerves instantly melted away. “I need you to stand up for me.”

Alexa looked at him confused then shrugged her shoulders and stood. “What are you doing?”

“Just hush, okay?” Alexa nodded and Brian continued on, smiling. “Behind every good man, is a good woman. We've all heard the phrase before, but I am living it first hand. You're the hip to my hop. You're the Simon to my Garfunkel. You're my world, my strength, my home. You're everything.” Brian then fell to his knee in front of her and produced a brilliant princess-cut diamond ring. “Alexa, will you make me the happiest man alive and do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

Tears sprang to Alexa's eyes. Without a moment's hesitation, she nodded and said, “Yes.”

Brian then slipped the ring on her finger and pressed his mouth against hers. He couldn't describe the feeling that was running through him at that moment, it was a heavenly-like elation.

Now, months later, here he stood. Waiting for the love of his life to make her way down the aisle. Brian could feel the tears springing to his eyes as the first chords of Pachelbel's Canon in D began to play. Brian watched as his groomsman walked Alexa's bridesmaids down the aisle, followed by his two nieces, Samantha and Hailey, as flower girls, and his new little nephew, Wesley, as the ring bearer. A chill ran through Brian as the bride's introduction began to play and the attendees stood.

At his first glimpse of Alexa, Brian's heart skipped a beat. She had never been more beautiful. Her hair was up in whispy curls. Her sleeveless, floor-length dress featured a splash of color around her waist that matched Brian's tie. There was a heavenly glow that shined off of her. She was an angel. She was his angel.

Alexa could feel the tears beginning to build in the back of her throat as she made her way toward Brian. She grabbed tighter onto Bernard's arm in order to steady herself. Out of every decision that she had to make regarding the wedding, asking Bernard to walk her down the aisle had been the easiest. Bernard had immediately accepted.

As she walked slowly down the aisle, every eye in the building was on Alexa, but she was watching Brian. She couldn't take her eyes off of the man that was soon going to be her husband. Alexa never thought that it was humanly possibly to be that happy.

When she reached the alter, Bernard kissed her cheek softly and then gave her hand to Brian. “Be good to each other,” Bernard whispered softly before taking his seat in the first row.

Brian took Alexa's hand as she ascended the few stairs to her place at the altar. She looked at him and smiled. “I love you.” She mouthed, with a soft smile.

“I love you more.” Brian mouthed back and then winked.

Throughout the ceremony Brian and Alexa's worlds melded. They said their “I dos” quickly. When the priest announced that he may now kiss the bride, Brian eagerly took Alexa into his arms and dipped her backwards. Brian smiled down at beautiful wife, “You have no idea what you've just gotten yourself into, lady.”

Alexa laughed. “I'm willing to try anything once.” Brian then leaned down and kissed Alexa passionately much to the cheers of everyone in attendance.

Both Brian and Alexa had finally gotten everything that either of them had every dreamed of. They may have skinned their knees crawling to get here, but anything this good had to be worth crawling for.