“Mary, are you ready to go yet?” My dad asked calling my name from the living room. I walked out and looked at him.
“Why do I have to do this again?”
“Because you agreed to do it last week, now the crew needs a little extra help this summer so I offered up my team and two of my guys called in sick and I need you for this. Plus, you love working lights and sound.” He said opening the door.
“Fine, you’re so lucky I do.” I grabbed my purse and we were off to the venue to set up everything. The good thing is, before the band shows up my dad lets me sing to the empty arena. Singing is a big passion of mine and even being on an empty stage is a rush. When I set up sound and checked it I set foot out and told my dad to run the track of ‘Never Alone’, by Barlow Girl. My dad was always really supportive of me singing and I was glad he was involved with music and stuff. I finished up and put the mic on the stand. I heard clapping and figured it was my dad and his friends, but I turned around and there was a boy I’d never seen before clapping. I smiled and said thanks. He walked up to me.

“That was really good.” He said smiling at me as he extended his hand. I shook it.
“Thanks, again. It’s just a little passion I guess. Are you the band that’s playing here because I’ve never see you before?” He nodded.
“I am just one of four guys in the band, the others are backstage getting ready.” There he goes smiling again, it’s getting to me. It’s killing me actually, it’s just like a beam of light, it’s so gorgeous. He was gorgeous.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name, mines Mary.” I said.
“Well Mary, it’s Alex, but you can call me AJ. I’m in The Backstreet Boys.” Then it hit me.
“Oh! You’re the new pop group that started over in Europe right? The ones that are trying their luck here?”
“That would be us.” He put his hands in his pocket.
“Well, don’t I just feel privileged to be here today. I didn’t want to come.” He raised his eyebrows.
“Why’s that?”
“Well my dad signed me on to help him and his crew out, I’m lights and sound today.”
“Try and make me look good then…” He smiled one last time and walked away.

He is gorgeous. Oh my God, I am freaking out here, someone pinch me! PINCH ME!

“Hey, back to Earth Mar.” My dad said pinching my arm. I flinched and held my arm.
“Sorry, I was just thinking about that boy.”
“Oh, AJ. He’s a good kid.” He said pointing to him and then looking at his clipboard.
“Yeah, he likes my singing.”
“Who doesn’t? But, get back there the gates are getting ready to open.” I did as he said and I walked back to run into another boy from the band, and dropping my soda along the way.

“Oh, sorry!” He picked it up and threw it in the garbage for me.
“It’s alright, there’s more where that came from…So which one are you?”
“I’m Howie.”
“That is a great name, Howie. I just met AJ, he’s something.” Howie laughed.
“Yes, he is. But I heard you singing, was it you?” I nodded and smiled. “You are great. And you certainly have a look for the part.” I blushed and put my head down, I didn’t know what to say, this whole band I have a feeling is charming.
“Ha, how old are you?” I leaned against the wall.
“Well, I am 19. AJ is 17. The other boys are Brian, Kevin, and Nick. Nick is 15, Brian is 18, and Kevin is 22.”
“You guys really range in age! That’s like huge differences. I’m 17 too.”
“Oh, I see.” He winked. “Maybe we can catch up after the show eh?” I nodded and watched him walk down the hall.

I’m starting to like the idea of working here a little bit more. He was pretty cute too, I wonder what the others look like, I think I’m going to find them…

I walked down the hall too and out popped another one. He came up to me.

“Have you seen a white T-Shirt with red lines on the sleeves?” He looked really young so I figured he was Nick. I shook my head and he got all upset.
“I’ll look around for you though.”
“Thanks…” He walked back into the room he came from. Someone tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around.

“Are you following me?” AJ said. I giggled.
“It seems to be you coming up to me, bud.” He thought for a second.
“Touché.” He put his hands on my shoulders and moved me out of the way for a tall guy to get through. AJ stopped him.
“Kev! This is Mary, her dad helps run this place.”

“Pleasure to meet you Mary, but I’m on a mission to find Nick’s shirt.” Then he was off.

“He’s a nice guy, doesn’t talk too much though.” I bit my lower lip.
“I was actually on a mission to find the other members to meet them, I need one more.” He put his arm around me and led me to another room with the last boy in it.
“Brian, this is Mary. Her dad helps run this place.” Brian waved to me and did a little dance which was really random. AJ laughed. “Dude, you are so weird.” Brian agreed and shook my hand.

“It’s nice to meet you; clearly you are following the wrong boy around, how about you let me have her AJ?” I was just bawling in laughter.
“I think I should get going.” I looked at my folder and the show was going to start in 15 minutes and I still needed to get all the mics out.
“I’m just kidding, but it was nice to meet you. See you again, I assume.” I nodded and left the room. AJ followed.
“I’m beginning to think you are following me, Mr. AJ.”

“No, but I was wondering if you wanted to hangout on our bus after the show? We’re here for a couple days. Since you know them all now.” I picked up the mics and headed on stage and he still followed.
“I’d have to ask my dad, AJ. I just met you guys.” I put each mic down at equal distances from each other.
“I know, but this way you could get to know us more.” I heard screaming fans who were watching the countdown clock outside. The show had 5 minutes before opening. I plugged them all back into the amps and we headed off stage.
“Ok, I will. Go get ready!” I shoved him and he smiled and turned and left. I put my hand on my head.

“Someone has a little crush on a pop singer.” A guy said to me, I turned around. It was my ex-boyfriend Mark. He and I weren’t really friends. He got a job with my dad when summer started, which meant I would see him more than I wanted to.
“Look, he’s just a nice kid. They’re all nice.”
“Whatever, I know that smile. It’s the same smile you had when we met.” He put his arm around me.
“Get off me, I’m not with you anymore and I can like whoever I want to like without your permission. I’m not your little toy like I used to be, that’s why I broke up with you!” I threw an empty soda can I found on a table at him. I walked outside and sat on a bench. I heard music start and I knew the show was going on. But at the moment I had no desire to go watch them perform. There were girls across the street hoping for someone to come out to take pictures with them. I got up and walked over to them.

“Why are you all out here and not in there?” I asked a girl.
“We’re from London. We had planned on buying tickets when we got here, but they were all out.” There were 10 other girls agreeing with her. “So we’re hoping they’ll come out here after the show and we’re first in line to see them.” I looked at the bus behind me.
“I see, well this is their bus. I’m actually hanging with them tonight.” They gasped.
“You know them?” I nodded.
“Well, I just met them. AJ invited me to chill tonight.”
“Can we take pictures with you?!”
“Ha, alright then!” I took pictures with every girl standing out there, simply because I was hanging out with them for a night. I waved good-bye and I left them pretty satisfied.

I got back inside and on the TV was the boys of course. I sat down next to my dad and watched. They were really good, and they were even better with the girls. AJ and Nick were off the stage wooing the girls they touched. There must have been thousands of them out there and only a select few got to touch them. It was complete madness.

AN HOUR LATER

I was working on the sound board turning everything off when I felt a cold can touch the back of my neck. I shivered and looked and it was AJ.

“Did you ask your dad?” I nodded.
“He said it was ok, but I have to be back before 1am.” AJ gave me a thumbs up and all the boys and their bodyguards left, me included. We walked outside and there were the girls still, screaming and waving at me. I nudged AJ before he got on the bus. “Those girls came all the way from London to see you guys and didn’t get tickets.” AJ talked to the guards and the boys and next thing I knew they were over there hugging and taking pictures with them. Before we left the girls all thanked me and gave me hugs and more pictures. I got on the bus the guards got on theirs. I sat down on the couch and kind of looked at them all. They were just as energized as they were before the show started. AJ sat next to me.
“Cool huh?”
“What?”
“The bus?”
“Oh, yeah it’s really nice for five crazy ass boys.” He hit me playfully. I couldn’t help but know I liked him. It was really hard to act like I was just a friend or just a girl who just hangs with them every so often. I wanted him.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Howie said sitting on the other side of me.
“Oh, hey. It’s been really fun so far, you guys are all really nice people.”
“Good, I’m glad.” AJ stood up and gave me his hand again. I took it and he wanted to show me the bus.

“I got the big room, the boys are jealous.” He opened the door to the back room which had the full bed in it. I laughed.
“How did you manage this?” I sat down on the nice, comfy, bed.
“We did rock, paper, scissors, like any mature kid would do.” I smiled and giggled, like a little freaking girl. He sat next to me and moved some hair from my face and I looked at him. “You have really pretty blue eyes, Mary.”
“You have pretty eyes too.” I batted my eyelashes at his sweet soul. I felt his hand slide into my hair and gently grasp my head and the next thing I knew, he had pulled me into a kiss, which turned into a make out session. I put my hand on his face and took in every minute of kissing this cute guy that I had just met a few hours before. We stopped and he looked at me and shyly smiled at me. “You…” I stood up. “You sly dog, you’re good. I bet you do this all the time.” He stood up.
“No, why would you think that?”
“I don’t know it sounded really rehearsed…I mean I liked it, it makes me feel good. But do you really like me or is this just a onetime thing?” He took my hands.
“This is not a onetime thing, I promise. I really do like you.” He put one of his hands on my face. He got closer and we were kissing again. I pulled on his pants and he got even closer to me touching my body and caressing it with his free hand. I was going crazy and for the first time in my life, I didn’t trust myself around a guy. I felt like I was planning on going too far with him, but I had never been around such a great guy who was so handsome before so I didn’t care. I felt his hand leave me and lock the door. I smiled as he kissed me and I took his shirt off. I felt his body and I had never been so turned on in my life, it was perfect, everything about him had been so perfect since the moment we met. We hit the bed and rolled around for a few seconds. He took my shirt off and then my bra. I nearly ripped his pants off him and we got under the covers. He slid his hands down my body and took my pants off, along with my panties. He came back up and kissed me and I touched his back gently and took his boxers off. The moment I felt him in me, I knew he was the one. We were in a passionate sex scene that seemed to be ripped from the movies when he reached up and turned on the stereo, I had nearly forgotten about the other boys on the bus. He came back down and grunted and I moaned and he kissed my neck and then my body. No one else was around in my mind; it was just him and I. He came back up and kissed me. We rolled over and I sat up and tried to get him in me deeper. He touched my body and my boobs, still being so gentle. I went back down and kissed him some more and then his neck. “I’m going to explode, babe.” He said grabbing my back tight and next thing I knew he had, and though it felt good, I felt bad for a second, but it was so good, I couldn’t stop myself. We finally stopped and I got off him. He leaned over and kissed me a few more times. I ran my fingers through his hair and touched his chest. I looked over at the clock and it was nearly two. I gasped and leaned over and got my purse.
My dad had called me a couple times and sent me a text saying: “I bet you’re having a fun time with them, so this once you can break curfew and probably stay with them, I know their boss so it’s ok. Have fun.” I was relieved. I turned around and faced AJ again.
“My dad said I can stay with you guys tonight.” AJ touched my face and smiled.
“Good, I couldn’t let you go now.” He kissed me again. I hugged him. “You’re perfect for me, I can feel it.” He kissed my head. I sighed in relief that he was still feeling the same way about me as he had before.
“I feel it too.” He laughed softly in my ear.

We got out of bed and got dressed. We walked out and no one was on the bus. We hadn’t even realized the bus had stopped. We stopped outside a Denny’s which was open late like always. We walked off the bus and he grabbed my hand and opened the door for me. We found the boys in a big booth in the back. They were all smiling at us.

“Have fun you two?” Kevin said scooting over to let us in.
“A little.” AJ said nudging me.
“Well we’ve been here for an hour waiting for you guys, so you can eat alone; we’re all getting back on the bus. They all scurried out and I watched Howie and Nick pretend fight in the lot. I laughed a little.

“This must be so nice all the time.” A waitress came up and handed us menus and we ordered some hot chocolate to start off with.
“What must be?” He said looking at the menu.
“This, being with four friends and traveling the world doing something you love so much. Having people fawn all over you and give you things for free.” He put his menu down.
“It’s lonely sometimes though…My mom only can come on tour every so often, and I haven’t had a girlfriend in years, and sometimes they don’t even come on tour with me.” I put my head on his shoulder.
“I would.” I looked up at him and he kissed my cheek.
“That’s why I want you to be with me, be my girlfriend I mean. Come on tour with me and see all the places I get to see and experience video shoots with me, everything.” I sat up and looked at him.
“Seriously?” He nodded.
“Ok, I’d really need to ask my dad about that.” He laughed and put his arm around me.

We ordered our food and ate and got back on the bus to be greeted my sleeping backstreet boys. AJ and I made our way back to his room and he gave me some boxers to use for the night so I didn’t have to sleep in jeans. We crawled in bed next to each other and I fell asleep to the sound of him humming to me and holding me.

THE NEXT MORNING

My phone rings and I reach in my bag and get it out and it’s my dad so I answer it.

“Hello?” I said sitting up in bed and rubbing my eyes.
“Mary, when are you coming home, it’s nearly twelve.” I looked at the clock and was kind of shocked.
“We were all up late last night I’m just now getting up, but last night something happened.”
“Are you ok?” He said worried.
“I’m fine, I’m better than ever actually.” I realized AJ was no longer in bed with me and I didn’t like that. “AJ and I are kind of dating now, and he wants me to finish off this US tour with him.”
“What about school? That does start up in a month.”
“I know, but maybe I can get an on road tutor, like the boys have, or I can just take the classes with AJ since he is my age.” He sighed.
“Ok, but you need your stuff anyway. Don’t expect this all the time, I still need to know where you are and everything, call me every day or I will call you ok?” I shrieked.
“You’re the best dad!” We got off the phone and I opened the door and found AJ and Howie playing a game on their playstation. “AJ!” He looked at me a little scared. “My dad said I can go on tour with you guys!” He got up and came over to me and hugged me.

“Ahh, I’m so glad!” He gave me a kiss.
“I need to go to my house and pack though…”
“Get dressed then!” I laughed and turned around and he smacked my butt. I looked at him and blew him a kiss. I put my pants back on and put my hair up in a ponytail and walked back out and heard AJ and Howie and Brian all talking.

“Did you guys have sex last night?” I heard Brian ask. I snuck into the bathroom to listen more.
“That’s really not your business dude. I have more respect for her than that.”
“Well, since clearly you did, was it…good?” Howie said.
“Ahh…You guys.” AJ paused. “Since I was a virgin yesterday before I met her and now I’m not, it was probably the best I’m ever going to have. She was amazing…I’m glad I’m with her. Not just for that, but because she seems to understand me, and want to be with me. I really like her.”
“Do you love her?” Brian said.
“I could see myself loving her, but its way to early to tell.” I reshut AJ’s door and walked back out. Of course, I’m happy/thrilled AJ likes me so much so the sex talk doesn’t bother me. AJ stood up.

“What are we doing?” I asked him.
“We can get a cab or something…” I nodded and we got off the bus and AJ called a cab down the road from the hotel we were at. Only the managers and promoters got hotel rooms because of the budget, which sucked for the boys I think.

We got to my house and paid the cab and went inside. My dad greeted us with smiles and shook AJ’s hand.

“You going to take care of my daughter, son?” AJ laughed and nodded in agreement. I took AJ’s hand and we went to my room. I opened my closet and drawers and threw pretty much everything into my largest suitcase. I eyed AJ looking around. He picked up a picture frame of my mother.
“How come you don’t mention your mom, it’s always your dad?” AJ asked.
“Well, she died when I was 6.” AJ looked at me.
“Oh, I’m sorry…” He put the picture frame down.
“It’s ok, I didn’t really know her, so it’s hard to miss someone that’s never really been there. My dad told me she was a neat lady, so I imagine her to be pretty nice.” I walked over to him and looked at the picture. “What about your dad?”
“He and my mom divorced when I was two, and he hasn’t been in my life since…” I rubbed his back.
“So, I’m mom-less, and you are dad-less. We make a great pair.” He smiled and kissed my forehead.

A FEW DAYS LATER

We’re in Illinois, but specifically Chicago. I’m standing out back talking to AJ’s bodyguard Marcus while he has a cigarette. He’s a really funny guy and nice to talk to. I look over and see the exact same girls I saw at the concert I met AJ at. I laugh and walk over to them.

“You girls are just following them hardcore!” I hugged them all and they smiled.
“We’re only going to a couple more concerts, we’re all homesick by now.”
“OH! Guess what!” They all said what at the same time. “I’m dating AJ now!” They all shrieked and congratulated me.
“THAT IS SO COOL!” Amber said, I found out her name was Amber this time. She’s the one that usually talks to me. “Is he nice?”
“Beyond nice. He’s a great guy. I’m really happy with him.”
“You must take pictures with us again!” I laughed and agreed. I took a million more pictures with them and even with some girls who were just there and were from Chicago. Marcus walked up to me.

“Need any help?” He asked me.
“They’re all pretty well tamed Marcus, I’m not AJ now.” He smiled. I heard the girls shrill and I look at the door and AJ came out. He jogged a little towards me.

“What are you doing…Hey, aren’t these the same girls from last time?” I nodded.
“They’re really following you guys around.” AJ put his arm around me and they were all taking little pictures.
“This is my girlfriend now, or did she tell you that already?”

“Oh, she told us man.” Amber said laughing. “That’s really cool, Mary is nice.”
“Isn’t she?” He kissed the side of my head. “I’m taking her away from you all now though, sorry I need her more!” He said jokingly. We all went back inside and we headed to his dressing room. I sat in a chair and closed my eyes.

“How long until the show?”
“A couple hours.” He said in response. I opened my eyes and he was shirtless looking for a new shirt now. I got up and hugged him from behind. He grabbed my arms and turned to face me. He gave me a couple good kisses. He put his forehead against mine. “Mmm…I really like you.” My heart skipped a beat or two.
“I really like you too; you’re the sweetest guy I probably know.” I wrapped my arms around him.
“Good, I want you to like me. I don’t see myself without you now. It’s so weird.” I smiled and let him go.

ON SET OF THEIR FIRST MUSIC VIDEO “WE’VE GOT IT GOIN’ ON

It’s been 3 months since I started seeing AJ and we’re still together. We actually haven’t been intimate since that night, which was just fine. It showed me that it wasn’t all we needed to be together. We’re going strong and I’m really happy with him. I’ve been on tour with them since then, well except for a week I went back to my home to be with my dad for awhile, I missed him. I went to regular school again for that time too. My friends were buzzing my ears with questions about the band and everything that’s going on. Right now they are getting ready to finish up the third day of shooting their video for their first single here called: “We’ve Got It Goin’ On”. It’s hot out and they’re all a little testy with how early it is. For some reason this was not a good day to be around The Backstreet Boys. Well just get rid of Brian from this, he’s always a good character to talk to. He was a happy camper.

“Mary, please. I just need some water.” He said taking a swig from his water bottle.
“AJ you’ve been in a shitty ass mood all day! All of you have.” I said flipping a page in my magazine not looking at him.
“I know, and we’re all sorry. But we’re doing a lot more these days with our fame rising.” He put his sunglasses back on and left to finish the rest of the scene they were doing. I watched him walk away, and from nowhere he picked up a swagger walk which took me by surprise. He had never walked like that. I was hoping it was just for effect of the video, he was outcast as the rebel of the group because of his vocal range and how he likes to dress. This is something else he picked up not too long ago. He’s changed a lot, but he’s still my baby, and I…I think I love him.

“Alright! That’s a wrap for this video!” Everyone clapped, including me. I was so done with this video it wasn’t even funny. I stood up and gave a hug to Lou, the boys’ manager. He was leaving a little early to go with the editors to try and get the video out sooner. AJ came up from behind me and hugged me.

“Finally, it’s done.” He kissed my neck.
“Yeah, finally. I’m so sick of being in this park.” I laughed and he let go of me.
“I know…Let’s get out of here.” He took my hand and we followed Brian and Nick to his car. We’re in Florida where the boys are stationed and I am finally going to meet AJ’s mom. He talks so highly of her that I can’t help but be nervous and excited at the same time! I was also going to meet his grandparents who’ve been with him since he was little too.

Brian dropped us off and AJ got our bags and before we got to the front door and before Brian pulled out of the driveway, his mom came running out. AJ put the bags down and hugged her tight. It was a really happy site to see. AJ seemed so relieved to see her and be in her arms. AJ’s grandparents walked out and he walked up to them and gave them hugs too. AJ’s mom looked at me.

“You…You must be Mary!” She hugged me. “AJ speaks so highly of you; you make my little boy very happy!” She let me go and looked at me for a second. “You are quite the beauty.” AJ came over and put his arm around me.
“Isn’t she great mom?” He asked her. And she nodded. I was happy that I had been immediately accepted by her. I was so worried. AJ grabbed our bags again and we all went inside. His grandmother and grandfather both gave me hugs and told me how pretty I was. I had never blushed so much in my life. It was unbelievable how nice they were.
“We have to go out to dinner tonight!” AJ’s mom said rubbing his head and hugging him again.

“That sounds really nice…” I said to her. “We haven’t done that in awhile, huh AJ?” I nudged him.
“No we haven’t…We usually just kind of fend for ourselves.” AJ stood up. “But I want to show Mary around the house ok mom?” She said ok and he took my hand and we headed upstairs. He opened a door and smiled at me. It was his room. It wasn’t like the time he had been in my room, for some reason my heart fluttered being in his room. We walked in and he shut the door behind him. I looked at all the pictures he had.
“How long have you been performing AJ?”
“Since I was like 7. I love it, there’s nothing better.” I laid on his bed.
“Where am I sleeping? I know your mom won’t let me still sleep with you…” He laid next to me.
“You’re staying with me; I’ve grown attached to you being next to me at night.” I smiled at him.
“Yeah, but I’m sure your mom will have a problem with it, hun.” He closed his eyes for a second. It seemed like forever since we’d said a word to each other. After awhile I had closed mine too.
“Mary?” I opened my eyes to find him already looking at me with wide eyes and a sly grin.
“What?”
“I have something to tell you…”
“What, you’re making me nervous.” I laughed a little.
“I…I think I love you.” I sat up and so did he. “I’m sorry if it scares you…” He was freaking a little. I touched him.
“No…It doesn’t! I was just thinking today about that…How I think I love you and everything. It’s still a little early for us to be saying it, but I do feel it.” He grinned and hugged me. I closed my eyes again and took in the scent of him. How could I feel so much about this boy I have only just met 3 months ago? “Why do you always smell good?” I asked as he let go of me.
“I don’t know, I feel like I stink with how hot it is outside.” He touched his shirt a little and we both stood up.
“Do your grandparents live here?” He shook his head.
“No, they have their own place. This house is kind of big for no reason. I’m the only one who sleeps up here, my mom is downstairs.” I looked around the room a little more; it really was filled with pictures. Not just from shows he’s done, but from friends and all his family.

AT DINNER THAT NIGHT

AJ’s grandparents ended up having other plans so it was just AJ, AJ’s mom and I.

“So tell me, how did you guys get together?” AJ’s mom (Denise) asked. I choked up on my drink and set it down. AJ was looking at me and he put his hand on my thigh.
“Her dad ran the place we played at in Indiana. She was lights and sound as a fill in for another guy. I kind of followed her around.” I smiled and winked at him.
“Aw, that is too cute. Alex you always were the following kind, after a girl that is. In the pack you’re front and center huh?” Denise said getting all giddy. “You look like a very nice girl, Mary.”

“Thanks, I just think I got lucky with AJ because I actually had planned on stepping out for my dad to hang with some friends…” She nodded a little.
“Why do you still call him AJ? Alex you did tell her your real name, yes?” I laughed and gave a look at AJ.
“Yes, it’s Alex.”
“Well, Alexander.”
“That’s a great name, really classic. Good choice.” I gave Denise a thumbs up and she laughed a little. “But I guess I never call him Alex or anything is well, you know I think it’s just cause it’s easier. And Alex is a little formal. Like he’s in trouble or something. But where does the ‘J’ come from?”

“My middle name is James.” AJ said after he sipped his drink.
“You have the greatest name!”
“What’s your middle name, love?”
“Elizabeth, which is far too fancy for someone like myself.” He sighed.
“I think you’re pretty perfect.” Denise clicked her tongue in aw.

“You two are too precious. Alex, you’ve done pretty well. Considering your last girlfriend…” Denise rolled her eyes in discontent.
“Alright mom, I know.” I was really confused.

“What?” I looked at Denise and then to Alex and back to Denise.
“Well, his FIRST girlfriend Marissa, about a year and a half ago, was a clown. She used him and he wouldn’t listen to his mother. He was so blind-sighted by her looks. From the moment I met her I knew she was no good. She crushed my little baby.” AJ’s hand left my thigh and I saw his head drop. I put my hand on his and he slowly put his hand over mine.

“She called me when I was in Europe, and told me she was pregnant. But since I’m a virgin…” (not true anymore, his mom doesn’t know) “it couldn’t have been mine, but she tried to tell me it was and about some crazy night when well we got drunk. We had a test and it wasn’t mine. Which means the girl I was with for a year, cheated on me.” I had no idea what to say. How could he be over this girl? In just a few short months he met me…And we had sex. Why would he wait to have sex with her and then not, and not me? I don’t understand. Where do I fit in with all this? I was a rebound…

For the rest of the dinner, I was quiet except when Denise would ask me a question. The ride home…silent. I didn’t hold AJ’s hand, and I didn’t want to.

I was in the bathroom changing and brushing my teeth when a knock on the door came up.

“Yeah?” I knew it was AJ since it was upstairs and Denise was downstairs.
“What’s wrong with you? You’ve been real quiet all night.” He said sounding a little sad. I rinsed my mouth out and put my hair in a ponytail and opened the door. He had an arm against the frame of the door. “So?”
“So what?” I asked walking back to the room.
“What’s wrong with you?” He shut the door and I sat on the bed and took my earrings out and set them in my purse.
“I’m just a little confused, ok?” I looked up at him.
“Why?” He sat next to me on the bed.
“You told me it had been years since you dated anyone, and apparently Marissa and you started dating a year and a half ago. And why did you not have sex with her after a year, and then meet me one day and just do?” He looked a little stunned and he put his hand on his cheek and got up and went to his side of the bed.
“Look, you’re not…” He paused. “You’re not a rebound girl if that’s what you think.” Cha-Ching right on the money boy. “I really did feel something with you, and I’m not ashamed of us having sex. I’m ashamed of Marissa as being my first girlfriend. The first girl I kissed, the first girl I hugged, held hands with, and introduced to my family.” He looked at me. “I want YOU to be my first girlfriend and totally forget about her. Everything with you feels so new and so real to me.” He was so good with words that I hated myself for giving into him so easily.
“Baby…” I leaned over and kissed him. “I want you to be my first everything too.” There was silence and something happened…I looked in his eyes and there was a gleam in them. Something new was there and I didn’t know what.
“Mary, I love you.” He said after awhile. I gave him a kiss.
“I love you too, Alex.” He smiled and led me under the covers.

We shared another intimate moment together, and this time was different, we were really together. Every second touching his body and feeling him all around me made me fall more and more in love with him. Every kiss on my body or my lips made me feel secure. Every time he was in and out of me, was pure happiness. I had never felt so right in my life.

We finished and got dressed again and crawled back into bed with each other.

“I hope my mom didn’t hear…” He said laughing as he looked in my eyes. I agreed and kissed his nose.
“I really do love you, AJ.”
“Call me Alex, baby…And I love you so much.” I closed my eyes and felt him kiss me one more time and then we were asleep. And in Heaven was where I seemed to be. With the perfect man, in the perfect life.

ONE YEAR LATER

I can’t believe where my life is. I can’t believe where Alex is. I can’t believe where the band is. In one short year, the boyband that was once not known has blown up. Magazines, Television, Radios and every other sort of communication choice. They are wanted by every girl in America and every photographer wants their picture. They’re in every girls room on walls, pillow cases, shirts, and all that sort of merchandise that they offer. It’s crazy. I even get harassed, through emails more. Fans telling me how they are the better choice for Alex, and let me tell you…They’re freaking crazy.

“Oh my God!” I said yelling at my laptop. AJ looked at me.

The boys still had little money, but the managers finally gave each boy their own bus! So we have more time alone. We’re on tour again in the United States for the same CD that we did just a year ago. Only this time, there are nearly thousands more people at the concerts.
“What?” He asked.
“This girl just emailed me saying how I suck at being your girlfriend, and how I should always be with you.” He laughed.
“Is she talking about the one concert you weren’t at?” I nodded.
“Yeah, listen. ‘If I were his girlfriend I would be at every concert, event, and showing he was at! It’s important to him and it should be to you too!’ She is crazy.” I deleted the email. He sat next to me and I put the laptop away and cuddled with him and he kissed the top of my head.

Alex has grown. He’s taller, tanner, and even more handsome than the day I met him. He even has a couple tattoos, which just adds to his bad-boy image. It’s ok with me, as long as I still get my little teddy bear at home.

He and I moved in with each other a few months ago, but we haven’t been home since the day we got all settled. It’s literally sad. We almost never fight, and when we do it’s over little things like who left the car door unlocked.

The bus stopped and AJ looked out the window.

“Ah, we’re here.” We got up.
“Yippee.” He looked at me.
“Tell me you’re not bored of this already? Baby, this is my life we’re talking about.”
“Calm down Alex. It was a joke.” I put my hand on his arm and walked off the bus. Fans were surrounding us. This was possibly the biggest group of girls I’d seen yet. Marcus ran through the girls and to us. With AJ, I’m part bodyguard, his life is just as important as mine now. We all pushed through the crowd to the safety of the backstage area. We got in and started laughing.

“Ms. Mary, we need to get you a bodyguard yourself…” Marcus said giving me a little smile.
“No, I don’t need one. No one wants me.” AJ put his arm around me.

“I do, silly.” I smiled and gave him a kiss and with that he was off to his dressing room. I sat down on a couch in the big hall and closed my eyes for a second then I felt someone sit next to me. I opened my eyes and it was Brian’s new girlfriend Leighanne that he met at the set of their music video ‘As Long As You Love Me’. I smiled at her and sat up.

“How are you doing?” I asked her. “I know this might be a big change for you, huh?” She laughed innocently and smiled.
“It’s really different, traveling the world and seeing the boys get attacked by teenage girls.” She paused. “How did you meet AJ?”
“My dad worked at a venue that they were playing at and he had asked me to help out backstage because he was short a guy for the job. AJ kept following me around, and finally he asked me to hangout. We were all up really late and ate at Denny’s, it was a lot of fun back then. Lately it’s more serious, less time for fun…” I frowned when I thought about AJ a year ago. “They’ve all changed so much…Well except for Brian maybe.” She smiled. “He’s still a crazy character. If he ever changed the world would be less happy. It’s been real fun with them though…You just have to love the boys.” She sighed in relief.
“At least I have someone to hangout with…What did you since the other boys didn’t have girlfriends?” I giggled a little bit.
“They had girls every so often. Brian dated Samantha, Howie was with Claudia for awhile, she still comes around sometimes. Nick is still too young he says to date anyone.”
“But still, what did you do?”
“I hung around with the bodyguards, people running the venues, I am dating AJ so I saw him often.” She laughed. “But I hangout with Howie a lot, he’s like my best friend. He really understands me.”
“So why aren’t you with him?” I looked at her kind of funny and thought.
“I’m not in love with Howie…” I said scooting to the edge of the couch. “I’m in love with AJ…He’s the last person I like to see before the end of the day, and the first person I want to see in the morning. I crave just everything about him…Lately he’s been…Well drinking.” Leigh looked a little surprised.
“But he’s not legal yet.” I nodded.
“I know, and I hate that he does, he’s not the same when he does. He scares me a little.” She hugged me and we stood up.
“You and I are going to be around for awhile though.” She said stamping her foot down. I laughed and put my arm around her and we walked back into where everyone was. It was a mess. The boys were rushing and so were all the extras. We looked at each other. Leighanne stopped Brian. “What’s going on hun?” He smiled.

“They’re starting the show earlier than expected so I have to hurry.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek and me too and rushed back off to get changed.

“You’re lucky to be here with us, Leigh.”
“I’m happy to be here, I’m an actress and all, but this life is so much better. Spending it with a guy I really like and a girl who is there with me.”
“You and I, girl, we’re gonna be friends.”

LATER THAT NIGHT AT A CLUB

“Mary! Over here!” Leighanne was waving me over to a table she was at with Brian. AJ followed me over there with his hand on my back. We sat down with them.
“This is a really nice club, I’m glad I’m 18 now.” I smiled and looked at AJ. He was looking around and he flagged down a waitress and whispered something in her ear. She smiled and winked at him and walked away. I pretended to not see it and looked back over at Leighanne who clearly saw it and was disgusted and kicked my leg. “I know, Leigh…I saw.”

“What?” AJ asked.
“Nothing, baby.” He raised his eyebrows at me and gave me a kiss.
“What?” He asked again in a whiney voice after I just looked at him.
“What was that? With the waitress?”
“I asked her to bring me a drink.”
“Why did you have to whisper it?”
“It’s loud in here baby.” He fixed my hair behind my ears and gave me another kiss. “You know you’re the only girl I whisper sweet nothings to.” I melted every time he would say things like that. It killed me that I just couldn’t stand up to him with how adorable he was. I’m just afraid of being alone after all this time with him…The waitress came back and gave him a drink and he handed her a five and told her to keep the rest as a tip. She grinned and walked away.
“Alex, is that alcohol?” He put his hand over my mouth.
“Calm down…” Brian put his hand on my shoulder.

“What are we supposed to do about his drinking, Mar?” He whispered in my ear. I shrugged and watched as AJ took a big swig of the drink to finish it and cringe a little. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the booth and took me to the dance floor. Leighanne and Brian followed. AJ found the same waitress and told her to bring him another one, and she just agreed. He pulled me close with one arm and we swayed to the music. Every beat pulsing through our bodies, and every vibration was felt. The waitress came back and he took the shot and handed her another five and he pulled me close again. I was merely disgusted by his attitude, but to turned on by his body against mine to want to not be with him at the moment. He turned me around and I dropped down and I felt his hands glide around my butt and to my hips and pull me back up. He started kissing my neck and running his hands up my body. I looked at him and he looked back at me and smiled a little.

“You’re naughty…” He said laughing a little.
“I learn from the best.” He kissed me. The waitress came back with two more shots for him and he pounded down both. This time, I walked away from him and his antics. I got my bag from the table and I felt someone grab at my shirt, it was Leighanne.

“Where are you going?”
“AJ has had three shots and one big drink that I don’t know what it is, in the last 10 minutes. I can’t stay around and wait for him to get totally trashed.” I said to her.
“He can’t leave here by himself, he might do something stupid.”
“You and Brian are still here.” She put her hands on her hips. “Mary…you can’t make us his baby-sitters.”
“I’m not his baby-sitter either, Leigh!” She had me sit down at the table. “I don’t know why he’s doing this again. When he was younger and dated a girl named Marissa she said they got smashed together one night and she tried accusing him of getting her pregnant…But he was a virgin. He vowed to not to that kind of thing again…” Her jaw was wide open.
“After something that serious, I wouldn’t!” She said to me with sorry eyes. About 5 minutes I looked up from the coffee that I ordered and saw AJ looking around the crowd and then back to where I was at the table and he came back over and sat next to me.

“Where did you go, baby?” He pushed my hair away from my face.
“I couldn’t watch you drink.” I looked at him and he kind of backed away.
“It’s just for tonight…”
“You’ve been drinking a lot more lately though.” He sighed.
“I like to ok?”
“You’re not old enough to, now you need to stop, or I’m gone.” He looked at me, but it wasn’t sad…It was angry.
“What the fuck makes you think you can give me ultimatums?” I pushed him out of the booth and got out.
“I did.” I pushed him again and walked out of the club.
“You were easy anyway!” I heard him say outside. I stopped and looked at him. He put his hand on his face and ran it through his hair and walked to me. “I didn’t mean that, baby…” My eyes were watering. The moment I had never wanted to face was crying over someone like this. He tried hugging me and I shoved him.
“Don’t touch me! You’re just…You’re just a big jerk! I always have followed you around and watched you live your life! You sing and dance for millions of girls, but you can’t seem to remember the one girl that is supposed to mean everything to you!” I shoved him again. “I let my life slip by me so I could see you so happy with music! I left everything behind and my dad alone for a year and a half to be selfishly with you! And this is how you repay me? You tell me I’m easy, and how I can’t tell you anything because you’re some sort of god now?!” I hit him continuously and he pulled me into a hug.
“I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it at all, baby girl…I’ll stop drinking. I will, I promise! If this is what it’s doing to me, I’ll stop.” I was crying and for once he was actually caring. He embraced me strongly and held me for a long time. He kissed my head. “You’re not easy; you were a bitch to get…” I laughed. “Remember how you didn’t want to be with me?” He held me back and I nodded and cleared my eyes of tears. “Don’t listen to me, I’m stupid…I don’t even deserve you. You’re such a great girl to leave everything to be with me.”
“You do to deserve me; you’re just not doing the right thing…ok?” He smacked his lips and nodded. He kissed me and I put my arms around him and he did the same. I put my hand on the back of his neck and ran my fingers through his hair. He put me up against the building. He stopped kissing me and laughed.
“We should stop this…” I agreed and gave him one more kiss.

FOUR YEARS LATER

AJ and I broke up a year after that fight at the club. He continued to drink. I haven’t seen him or spoken to him in three years. I do however keep in contact with Howie and Leighanne. I live out in California now. I run my own recording studio, and big names drop in there. I’ve dated a few guys here and there, but they all end up breaking up with me because they feel they can’t live up to what AJ had accomplished, or I break up with them because they really aren’t close to who AJ was before drinking. Last I heard the band broke up over TRL so AJ could enter a rehab facility. He dated a woman named Sarah Martin, they got engaged…but when he was drunk and on some drugs he cheated on her…She broke up with him. She and I are friends now. She’s a cool person, she lived with me for awhile when she first moved out here, but now she lives on the same street as me. We ran into each other at the grocery store on the block, and she recognized me before I did her. I hadn’t paid much attention the Backstreet Boy world except for when Howie would call or Leighanne would.

“Mary, I was so jealous of you though!” Sarah said walking into my house behind me.
“Why?”
“You dated him technically first and spent so much of his good years with him. I wish I had known more of the better AJ…” She said sitting down at a stool in my kitchen as I put our sodas in the fridge.
“I guess, he was a great guy…” I looked at a picture frame I had of him and I on the counter where we sat.
“Why do you keep this around?”
“Because it’s when he and I first met, when we were both 17.” I touched his face with my finger slowly. “He really was the love of my life Sarah…” She sighed.
“I don’t think I was ever really in love with him as much as I was living in the fact that he was famous, you know? I didn’t really know him. We both love animals, but who really doesn’t?” I laughed at her remark. “Tell me more about him, you know?”
“He was a great guy. When we first met, he followed me around the whole venue to just talk to me.” I got up and went to the sink to clean out a coffee cup from earlier this morning. “After that he told me he wanted to hangout, so I said yes. We all stayed up late on the bus, and went to Denny’s.” I looked up and smiled and looked back down to the sink and turned the water off still smiling. “After that night he told me he wanted to be with me…” I turned around and braced myself up against the sink and folded my arms in front of me. “Of course I’m not giving up an opportunity to be with someone as good looking as he was. We went back on tour the next day…When I first met his mom a few months later, she loved me instantly. She shared with me the whole Marissa story, which I’m sure you know.” She looked at me funny and I gasped and took a seat back at the stool. “He never told you about Marissa? Did he tell you anything?”
“No, he didn’t even mention you until a few months before we split…He’s really bottled up. He never let me see him upset, or anything.” I ran my hands through my hair and picked up my house phone and called Howie.

“Mary!” He said as he picked up. “You never call me! What’s up?”
“I know, I will call more, the studio is really busy lately…” He laughed.
“It’s ok, but what’s going on?”
“Nothing, sitting here with Sarah M, AJ’s ex you know?”
“Yeah, tell her I said hi.”

“Howie says hi.” I said to Sarah.
“Hi Howie!” She said back.

“She says hi…” I laughed into the phone. “What’s AJ’s number?”
“What?”
“You heard me mister…Where is he located?”
“Mar…”
“Howie, I know I told you to never let me talk about him and for 3 years I haven’t…tell me.”
“909-303-8472” He said to me. I wrote it down on my notepad.
“I’m not calling him, this is for further reference…” I said laughing.
“Sure, but hey do you have any available time in your studio? I’m thinking about going there to work some solo work.” I smiled wide.
“Howie, I will push any A-list celeb off the list to see you. Nick’s actually coming in, in like two weeks.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, he’s working on his solo CD…Didn’t you know?”
“Not really…” He said.
“Oh, well he is. I will pencil you in for the same time, I would love to get you guys together, you always cracked me up.”
“I bet, it’s been a few months since I’ve seen any of the guys.”
“That’s gay…” Sarah tapped her watch. “but hey, I need to get off here, Sarah and I are going out to eat.”
“Alright, call me tomorrow for times and stuff, I love you and miss you Mar.”
“I love you too D.” I hung up the phone.

“Let’s go eat.” Sarah said getting up.
“Yeah, I’m pretty much starving.” I said rubbing my stomach.
“Let’s go to Cassie’s Café.” I nodded.
“I love her place!”
“Me too.” We went outside and got in my car and drove to Cassie’s. We got there and there seemed to be paparazzi hanging around. Then they started taking pictures of Sarah and I knowing who we were. “Uhm, Mary did you get overnight fame?” Sarah questioned.
“I get them every once in awhile for who I work with on their albums, but how would they know where we were?” We sat at an outside table and a waitress came over.

“I think it’s great you guys are talking to him…” She said getting her pad ready.
“What?” I asked her.
“AJ, I’m glad you guys are talking…He’s here.” I stood up and got my purse.
“C’mon Sarah…” Sarah stood up.
“What’s wrong?” The waitress asked.
“I’m not speaking to him, and I haven’t in three years hun…” All the sudden the paparazzi got louder with the clicks of their cameras as AJ walked out. I froze and so did Sarah, it’s been a year since she saw him. AJ looked over and dropped his cigarettes and sunglasses unknowingly. I put my hair behind my ear and he walked over.

“You two hanging out to talk about me?” AJ asked. I laughed.
“Don’t flatter yourself.” I said as I put my sunglasses on. “I only talk about who you used to be...and that’s not often anymore.” Sarah and I turned around and went to my car.
“You know…” He said before I opened my door. “I’m sorry Mary…” He picked his sunglasses up and cigarettes too.
“You didn’t cheat on me…”
“I already told her I was sorry.” He said walking away. “She wouldn’t accept it.” He turned the corner and was gone. I got in the car and put my head on the steering wheel and just started crying. Sarah put her hand on my back.

“Mary, you’re not over him are you?” I picked my head up.
“You don’t get over people you love…You only try and get stronger from it.” I hit the wheel and then turned the car on.

ONE MONTH LATER

I’m reaching for a box of cereal on the top shelf and can’t seem to reach it, when an arm covered in tattoos outstretched mine and grabbed it for me. There stands AJ again.

“This has got to stop…” I said taking the box vigorously and putting it in my cart. He follows.
“What does?” He asks.
“Us running into each other. People are talking, and I don’t like it. I’m not seeing you.” I stopped walking and looked at him. I guess last time I didn’t really look at him. “You…You look good AJ.” He did, he looked like the 17 year old AJ…only much taller now, and tanner. As well as a different hair color and his mustache had changed again. “I wouldn’t recognize you without puffy eyes.” Ouch. I ruined that conversation. I kept walking down the aisle.
“Mary, c’mon!” He yelled and I stopped and looked at him again.
“WHAT?” I yelled back. “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU!?” He got closer to me.
“I want you to tell me everything is ok again…tell me I’m still someone you love. Tell me that us being together was one of the best experiences of your life…Tell me that you haven’t hated me all three years we haven’t spoken. Tell me…” I shook my head and put my head down and then looked at him again. I choked up. “Tell me, just tell me!”
“I…” I sighed. “I still love you, I love you so much.”
“So why do you hate me so much?”
“I hate you because when I told you to stop drinking you couldn’t; I hate you because you ruined my life. I hate you because you started doing drugs. I hate you because you treated Kevin like shit, I hate you because you cheated on Sarah, and I hate you because no matter what I do or what you do…I can’t not love you!” He looked at me.
“I couldn’t stop drinking! I was an addict!” I laughed.
“Look who’s not drinking now…You.” He smiled a little.
“I went through a lot to not drink now…”
“And I’m really proud of you…But you moved on when you dated Sarah.”
“I fucked that up, I would be married to a beautiful woman right now if I wasn’t so stupid.”
“She doesn’t even know you, AJ.” I laughed.
“What?” He said a little sad.
“She was asking me all these questions about you…You never told her anything about you. She doesn’t know you; she knows how bad you were. That’s it. She never experienced the same guy.”
“I was me a lot of the time with her, when I wasn’t drinking that day or something.” I shook my head.
“Not enough to tell her about me.” He put his head down. “Look, I don’t want to do this here.” I left the cart where it was and walked out the store with him. “Do you want to come over maybe?” He nodded while he smiled a little.
“I’d like that.” We both got in our cars and headed to my place. We got there and he followed me to the front door.
“Sarah lives across the street you know?” He sighed and just walked into the house without a word. “Don’t worry…I won’t tell her you were here. She’d just freak on me.”
“I know…” He sat at the same stool Sarah did before I saw him last and I smiled to myself as I shut the door. “This is a nice place you have Mar, all this is from owning that studio?” I looked at him.
“How did you know about that?”
“Howie.” I laughed. “He also told me you asked for my number.”
“Well, I did. I was going to call you to ask about why you never told Sarah about me really.”
“Ahh, I see.”
“So why didn’t you?” He shrugged.
“Did you tell all your boyfriends about me?”
“Sweetie, they knew.”
“I guess that makes sense.” I sat at the stool next to him. “This is weird…” He said slowly.
“What?”
“Sitting next to you after three years.”
“Oh.” I giggled. “It really is.” There was a knock on the door and AJ and I both stood up. “I know that it’s Sarah, go find a room and hide or something!” I whispered to him. I saw him jog down the hall quietly and I opened the door.

“Hey girl!” Sarah said to me giving me a hug. “Who’s car is that?” She asked.
“Oh, it’s Howie’s.”
“Is he here?” I shook my head.
“No, his friend came and picked him up, they’re at the studio.” She looked at me funny.
“Was he here?”
“Uh, yeah how do you think his car got here?” We both laughed. She shut the door.
“Do you want to get something to eat?”
“Uh, yeah sure why not? Just let me get my purse.” She said ok and I went into the room AJ was in, which happened to be mine. He starred at me.

“What am I supposed to do?” He whispered. I grabbed my purse off my bed.
“Leave when I leave…well after you see we’re gone.” I went to go back out the door and he stopped me.
“When can I see you again?”
“Whenever you want to…” I gave him a kiss on the cheek and he grabbed me and pulled me closer to him.
“I want to see you now…” He pulled me into one of the more romantic kisses I had ever shared with him. He let me go and I was just a little pulled back. I laughed.
“Wow.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. You’re not with me, I’m sorry.”
“That didn’t stop you when we first met.”

“Mary!” I heard Sarah walking down the hall, and neither of us moved. “Oh…” She walked into the room and stood next to me. “Mary, why did you lie to me?” She asked me and I shook my head to come back down to earth.
“I didn’t know how you’d feel about it. I still don’t know how I feel about it.” I looked at AJ kind of funny.
“What’s going on here? You look so…not you.” She looked at AJ. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do shit but follow my heart…Mary knows that.” He nodded at me. I was still in shock. I hadn’t spoken to AJ in so long, how could this be where I am right now?
“Mary, I’m going to leave, you guys need to talk ok?” I looked at her and she hugged me. “You really need to talk to him ok?” She whispered to me and I sighed a little and agreed. She left and AJ and I walked back out into my living room and I sat on my couch and he sat on the other side of it.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry.”
“Alex…” I caught myself and we both looked at each other. “AJ, sorry.”
“No, you can call me Alex…” He tilted his head back. “It’s not like you haven’t earned the right to.”
“Ok, Alex.” He brought his head back up. “I don’t know why you would feel compelled to kiss me, but I’m still really confused about you.”
“Like I’m not?”
“About what?”
“Me, what I want to do. Better yet what I should do…” I scooted closer to him.
“You should focus on you…Don’t worry about the trends, and the people around you anymore. That’s what got you so messed up in the first place.” He put his arm around me and I put my feet on the couch and leaned against him. I could hear him and feel him breathing. He’s been so close to death before, through ODing and what not. To not have him around would be really upsetting to me. That’s why I left him, I wouldn’t be able to watch him do that.
“Sarah, she used to do drugs with me…”
“Why?” I looked up at him.
“Because I told her if she loved me she would…Sarah is really easy to break. That’s why she hates me, because she knows I know.” He started playing with my hair and I got butterflies in my stomach.
“Oh…I like her…”
“Probably, she is really nice. I did love her at one point, but when I got sober and she told me it was over since I cheated, I wasn’t really all that hurt. I was hurt when you left me.”
“I had to.”
“I know, that’s what sucked. Because you felt you had no other choice, and I was mad that there weren’t any more reasons for you to stay with me.”
“No, there were tons of reasons for me to stay, but none of them made sense.” He laughed and continued to play with my hair. “Alex…”
“What?”
“Why did you come to me in the store?” He thought for a minute.
“I needed to know if you still love me, like I still love you.”
“You can’t unlove someone, Alex. You were my first real boyfriend that I went all the way with and spent years with. My life was you…” I sat up and put my legs over his and hugged him. Feeling his arms around me was an amazing thing. “I wish we could be 17 again…”
“Me too, babe. Me too.” He kissed the side of my head and I put my hand on his face and smiled at him and kissed him. I opened my eyes for a second and looking at his face, I knew he was serious about me this time. It read over his face. I felt his hand run through my hair and hold onto my neck. I sat on his lap still kissing him. I felt him smile as we kissed. I put both my hands on his face and then took his shirt off. His body was still as gorgeous as the day we met, maybe even better. He took my shirt off and then my bra and put me on the couch and crawled on top of me. He sat up and took my pants off and then his own, soon we were both naked. He got back on me and kissed me again. “I love you…” He whispered before he entered me. Those three words only made sense coming from his mouth. Not from a friend or family member did it make sense. Only Alex had me feel them. Alex and I got up and ran to my bedroom for more comfort. I rolled over onto him and I looked down at him and his eyes were closed and his face read comfort. He bit his lower lip and it drove me crazy. I went back to kissing him and then kissed his body and then I got to his penis and put it in my mouth. I rubbed it with my hand at the same time and his hand touched my head and he still gently ruffed it up a bit. I rode him again. “Baby, I’m going to explode.” And I let him do that in me for the first time in a long time. He held me tight as he did. It felt so good to have him, to know I could have him and get him. “God, I love you…” He said rolling me back over to work me for 2 more amazing hours.

AFTER

We’re lying next to each other close and I have my arm around his body.

“That was so damn good…” He said to me. “I haven’t had sex like that since…since we first met.” I smiled and kissed his body a little. He moaned a little. “Don’t get me going again, I’ll go for 3 more hours.” I continued to kiss him and he moaned a little more and rolled me back on him. He put himself in me and cummed again. I moaned with him and kissed his neck as he had his arms around me. “I love you so much, Mary. Please don’t leave me again…Please.” He said.
“I won’t…Just be Alex…” I said pausing every so often to kiss his cheek or neck.
“I will, I promise.” I touched his body slowly. “I just want to fuck you…” He rolled me over and we went for a little longer. It felt so good, and I would never get tired of it. He plunged in harder each time and he came down and I grabbed his body as he cummed again.
“Oh God…” He groaned and went in deeper than ever and did it again. He sighed and rolled off me.
“I have never been so horny.” He said looking at the ceiling and then looking back at me as he grabbed me and turned me sideways and entered me again and did it again after awhile. I threw my head over his shoulder as he had his way with me for another hour. I had never craved sex so much in my life, but I felt like we were getting rid of 3 years of not being together to do it. I loved that he was taking control and being more aggressive with it. He had always been so gentle, and he still was in a way, but this was much better. He turned me over and picked my ass up and screwed me that way. He held my hips so, so tight and still gentle as ever. “Who’s your baby?” He asked me.
“You are…” I said moaning.
“Yes…” He cummed again and turned me back over. “I am going to fuck you so hard from now on baby…” He said plunging deeper and deeper in me.
“Please do…” I groaned holding onto him. He cummed one more time and got off me. “I’m not done with you yet…” I rolled back on him and rode him for awhile. I waited until he cummed again to get off him for the last time. He put his arm around me and kissed my neck.
“That was so good…I am so amazed by it. I have never cummed that much, and I’m not even done. He turned me sideways again and put himself back in me. He thrusted short and slow until he let out a long stream. He gawked a bit and choked up and it was the sexiest sound I had ever heard. “Ahh God…” He grabbed my butt and I put my leg around him and he thrusted again. He stopped and got out of bed. After we have sex he usually goes to pee, and that’s what he did. I got some boxer shorts and a shirt and put them on. I walked into the bathroom and he finished peeing and I sat on the sink. He smiled at me in his naked self. I put my arms around him and smiled at him cutely. He gave me a kiss. “I need to not kiss you for like an hour or we’ll be in bed for another day.
“I don’t have a problem with that…” He walked out the bathroom and I smacked his bare butt as I followed him.
“Baby, do you have another pair of those?” I nodded and went in my drawers and got him a pair and he put them on and adjusted himself, which always turned me on. He went into the living room and searched for a glass in the cupboards and found one and filled it with water and he gulped it down. I put my hair up and saw my message system was blinking. I pressed the play button:

“Mary, it’s Sarah…Call me tomorrow, I need to buy a new dress for this red carpet animals rock event. Peace.” I laughed, she had been talking about this event for months and she still hadn’t picked out an outfit.

ONE MONTH LATER

I’m sitting in the bathroom, staring down the little piece of plastic that holds my future. I’m pregnant. I, Mary, am pregnant with AJ McLean’s baby. Alex and I moved back in with each other, only he lives in my house. The band is got back together for their new CD called Never Gone…This isn’t the best time, they’re touring starting tomorrow. I walked out into the living room and AJ was sitting on the couch watching the bands taping of BEHIND THE MUSIC on VH1. They had me on there, Alex just didn’t know.

“Alex…” He looked at me and then back to the TV.
“What is it hun?” He put the TV on mute, right before my part, and looked at me again, and my face must have read something different because he got off the couch and made it to me in record time. “Baby, what is wrong?”
“Alex, I’m…I’m pregnant.” He stood back, and then a smile ran across his face.
“Seriously?” I nodded and smiled. He pulled me into a hug. “Oh my God…I’m going to be a dad.” He kissed my neck.
“Oh my God, we’re parents!” I said looking back at him and we laughed a little.
“What…What are we going to do?”
“Start calling your mom…” He hugged me again and ran to the house phone and dialed his mom and put it on speaker phone.

“Hello my babies!” Denise said into the phone when she picked up. She usually was always on speaker phone we called lately.
“Mom, we have some big news for you…” AJ said.
“What?”
“Mary’s pregnant.”
“WHAT?!” She said.
“Yeah, she’s pregnant, your little boy is going to be a dad.”
“Oh! Oh! Oh, I am so happy for you two!” We talked to her a little longer then we called my dad and it was about the same reaction. We didn’t tell the boys.

ON TOUR (first concert back with the boys)

“Usually, the guys and I take this time to talk about random things to just kill time.” AJ said on stage to the crowds of girls at the show. “But with the boys not knowing what I’m doing, I’m taking this time to bring out my girlfriend Mary…Some of you may remember Mary…She and I got back together about a month ago. Mary come out here.” I walked on stage with a microphone. He put his arm around me and gave me a kiss and the fans awed. I usually got a good reaction from the fans of the boys because I really loved the fans like they did. “Mary and I were presented with a big life changing story yesterday…” The boys sat down at their stools to listen. “Mary, do you want to tell them?” I laughed a little.
“We’re expecting a baby…” The crowd roared with cheers and the boys instantly jumped out of their seats to give us hugs and kisses.

“Wow, oh my God, that’s so crazy!” Brian said… “I was actually going to bring Leighanne out…for the same reason.” Leighanne walked out and I hugged her and congratulated her.
“This is so weird!” Leighanne said. “How far along are you?”

“About a month…” She grinned.
“ME TOO!” We hugged again.

The whole show was happy, and really positive.

AFTER THE SHOW (on the bus)

I left the show early to lay down because I didn’t feel good. I heard the door to the room open up and felt AJ crawl in next to me and wrap his arm around me and kiss the back of my head.

“I love you…I love you both.” I smiled to myself and he got out of bed and was gone for a bit and came back in and we fell asleep.

AFTER THE TOUR

“It’s so good to be home…” AJ said plopping down on the couch after he put the bags on the floor.
“I know…” I hobbled my ass in. He got back up and looked at me and held my stomach and kissed it.
“Any day now baby girl.” I smiled and touched his hands. “I want to know what it is…”
“I told you, I want to be surprised.” He moaned a little. “Wahh.” He laughed at me.
“Can you believe it…we’ve been together 8 almost 9 months already?” I shook my head.
“No, I can’t…Our combined time together is like…3 years now.”
“You know...our old anniversary is coming up.” I stared at him lovingly.
“You remember it?” He clicked his tongue.
“Of course, it’s July 18th.” I hugged him.
“I think we should celebrate our anniversary then you know?” We walked into the kitchen and there was a knock on the door.

“It’s Sarah.” We both said at the same time. I pushed him a little and he answered the door, and it was Sarah. She ran in and looked at me and my stomach. She held it and laughed a little.
“YAY!” She said almost crying. “You look still so beautiful!” She gave me a kiss on the cheek and turned around and hugged AJ. “Congrats you two! This is so great! I’m going to go down to the studio and tell everyone!” I agreed to let her and she left again.

“She is crazy…” AJ laughed as he shut the door.
“I know, but she is one of my best friends…Can you believe Leighanne and I will be having our babies on hopefully the same day!”
“It’s really weird how that even happened. We all shagged on the same day…” I just looked at him and giggled to myself.

ONE WEEK LATER

It’s July 18th…and I had the baby on our anniversary. I’m holding a precious little baby boy in my hands when the door opens and AJ walks in. I’m already in tears and the moment I let him hold him he starts crying too.

“He’s perfect…just like his mother.” He takes my hand and still looks at the baby. “I made you…” He laughed and took his hand back to wipe a tear away. He kissed his forehead as the little thing slept. “What are we naming him?” I shrugged.
“I have no idea…”
“Yes you do, you used to tell me your favorite name for a boy was Damien.” I shook my head.
“He doesn’t look like a Damien though…He looks like…” I looked at AJ and then to the baby and smiled. “An Alexander.”
“What?” He looked at the baby.
“Look at his full head of hair, his eyes…he is the spitting image of you.” AJ looked back down at the gift God gave us and grinned.
“Alexander it is then.” I was really happy that Alexander was the name of the baby. “But you need to use a different middle name.”
“Damien.” AJ agreed and handed the baby back to me and sat next to me on the bed. I kissed his little soft nose. “Alexander Damien McLean.” The door opened again and in walked my dad and Alex's mom. The both gawked at the site of him.

“What did you name him?” Denise asked. Alex grinned.
“Alexander Damien McLean.” Denise gave Alex a hug and my dad kissed my head.

“You did good hun.” I smiled at my dad.
“Thanks dad…”

AT HOME (few hours later)

“Welcome home baby.” AJ said opening the door as he held his son in his arms. I picked up the bag we took there filled with all the baby stuff we bought. I shut the door and followed AJ to the nursery as he put the little thing we brought into this world in his crib. “He sure is tired…” He whispered as he picked up the other baby monitor and walked out with me. He shut the door quietly.
“Well he’s had a long 9 months…” I said laughing as I sat down on the couch.
“You have too.” He sat next to me and kissed my cheek. “And you managed to look beautiful every day.” I smirked at him.
“9 Months ago I hated you…And here we are a couple again with a beautiful baby.” He took my hand and kissed it.
“I’m glad you took me back, it’s been so great having you again.”
“Yeah, and I’ve been hormonal the whole time. I applaud you for that.” He laughed and faced me.
“We need to talk, and I wanted to wait until after you had the baby…”
“What is it? You’re not leaving are you?”
“No! Why would I leave?” He said putting his hand on my leg.
“I don’t know, you’ve hopped before.” He shook his head.
“No, baby…I’m not leaving you.” He put his hand on my face and gave me another kiss. “I love you to much.” My heart skipped a beat. “I’m talking about maybe…you know, getting married.” I grinned.
“I’ve been dying to ask you about it, but I figured the baby news was a little much at once.”
“Really?”
“Yes! Hunnie, I want nothing more than to marry you.” He hugged me. “You’re not the only one who loves here you know…” We laughed and I leaned against him and he cuddled with me.

ONE MONTH LATER (at the gym with sarah)

“He was talking about marriage about a month ago.” I said to Sarah as we stepped onto a couple treadmills next to each other.
“Really? How come I am hearing about this now?” We turned on the machines.
“Well, it’s been so crazy, trying to work out a system with the baby. We’re going absolutely nuts.” She laughed.
“Oh my God, look what’s on!” I looked up at the TV and it was the boys’ BEHIND THE MUSIC special on VH1.
“Oh, God…I hope Alex isn’t watching.”
“Yeah, you were pissed that day or something…” Sarah and I giggled.
“Alex won’t look at it that way though…Even though things are fine now, he’ll freak out and get pissed off.”
“Oh well, he’s always been a baby about that stuff.” I hit her playfully. We looked back up to the TV, and before I knew it they were to my part.

-----------TV----------

“Mary, why did you and AJ break up?”
“He was drinking too much. He started at a young age…” Then it flipped back to AJ.

“I started drinking when I was about 15…And for awhile I stopped when I dated Mary, but I couldn’t keep that up anymore.” Then back to me.

“Do you still talk?”
“Heck no,” I laugh. “We haven’t spoken in quite some time. I don’t plan on it either…We’re just better off not being together or around each other. I mean look what he did to Sarah; I don’t want that to happen to me. I got lucky.”

-------------------------

I got off the treadmill and we left.

“Mary, I’m sure he won’t care…” Sarah said as we got into my car.
“Yes he will, I know him Sarah.”
“Well look at it this way, you’re a sexy beast now. You’ve lost all of your baby weight and then some.” We laughed and when we got to my house we said goodbye and she went back to her house. I walked in and AJ was sitting on the couch with Alexander…still watching VH1.

“Hey baby…” He said looking up at me with a smile. Maybe he just turned it on. “You looked nice on the interview.” Crap…
“Oh, you saw that?” I shut the door and put my gym bag down and wiped my face with my towel.
“I did…” He stood up and gave me the baby. “He’s been fed, so he needs to be burped.” I put the baby over my shoulder gently and pat his back a little.
“Are you mad at me?” I asked as I followed him into the kitchen. He went in the fridge and pulled out a coke, opened it, and took a sip.
“I can’t be really…If I had seen that a year ago, I would have hated you.”
“But…?”
“Look…” He walked to me. “I understand how mad you must have been with me. What I don’t understand is why you felt you needed to tell all of America that. You can’t take it back and now every time that plays and we’re on tour again…Fans are going to be upset with you.” I nodded.
“I know, I know! I hate that I said that stuff now…but like I ever even imagined that you and I would get back together and have a baby.” He put his drink down and put his hands on my waist and pulled me close to him and kissed me.
“It’s ok…” He put his forehead against mine. “We don’t need to listen to anyone else but us. We know we love each other, so they all will get that. It’s a mistake. We’re all allowed them ok?” I agreed and he gave me a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll put him to bed, ok?” He took the baby and went into the room with him while I went to the couch and sprawled out on it. I felt myself doze off when AJ decided to lay on top of me.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“You looked so sexy just lying here, so I had to.” He kissed my neck and shoulders and got off me. I sat up and he sat back down next to me and put his arm around me and had me lay down on his lap. He touched my stomach and I got chills and Goosebumps. “How was the workout?” I shrugged.
“No different than any other time, I think I’m going to stop going though.” I said as I sat up.
“Why?”
“Well I don’t need to anymore; I’ve lost more than I wanted to.” I got off the couch and stretched my arms up and he got up too and put his arms around me and he started to tickle me and I laughed and tickled him back.
“You look amazing though.” He looked at me up and down. “Almost glow worthy.” I put my arms around his shoulder and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips.
“Baby, I am glow worthy.” He raised an eyebrow at me and embraced me.
“I’d have to agree.” He kissed me again. “Mmm, you taste good today.”
“Thank you. You always taste good.” I let go of him and walked by him and smacked his butt.

ONE YEAR LATER (alexander’s first birthday)

“Happy birthday baby boy!” I said getting up from the kitchen table as AJ walked him out to me. He smiled and ran to me and gave me a hug. He has grown so much in the last year and every day he looks more and more like his father. Denise gave us some picture of AJ when he was a baby and he looks exactly the same. At least he got the looks from him. On another note AJ proposed to me 6 months ago and things have just been really good with us. We plan on getting married within the next few months.
“Brian called me and said he was heading over with Leighanne and Baylee now. I told them we were still going to Baylee’s party Saturday.” I looked up at him from Alexander and nodded. Alexander went into the living room to play with his toys and then there was a knock on the door. “And there he is.” AJ went to the door and opened it, but then it shut really fast and I looked over and he wasn’t inside anymore… I went to the window and AJ was talking to some woman. I opened the door and AJ looked over. “Baby, go back inside.” The woman was tall, thin, with long brown curly hair.
“Who is she?”
“She’s no one…” She clicked her tongue.

“I’m Marissa.” I chuckled a little and clicked my tongue right back.
“Why are you here?” I asked putting my hand on my hip.
“To talk to this man about finally paying the child support he owes me…”

“Marissa! I never had a kid with you! When are you going to get over that? Plus, the kid would be over 18 now anyway if I did…which I didn’t.” AJ said to her as I walked up next to him. “You need to leave. It’s my REAL son’s birthday today.” She laughed.

“You actually had a kid with this guy?” She said to me.
“Yeah, I did. I’m also marrying him.”

“Mary, will you please go back inside and watch Alexander.” AJ looked down at me. “Please.”
“You named your kid after him too? That’s so horrible.” I raised my finger and AJ shoved me back towards the front door before I could say anything back. I walked back inside and watched from the window. It wasn’t long until AJ started yelling at her, and she just yelled right back. I put AJ in his playpen and walked back outside and tugged on the back of AJ’s pants.

“C’mon, you don’t need to be talking to her.” I said to him.
“Yeah, Alex. Run away like you usually do when things get a little heated.” Marissa said just pushing him beyond belief.
“Um, one…You have no right to call him by his formal name. And two, you’re fucking crazy if you think my fiancé had anything to do with whatever bastard child you may have.”
“Excuse me? My son is not a bastard child!” She looked over at her car and a boy got out. He was tall, tan, and built like Alex was. He had fair hair with curly locks thrown in, in some places. Kind of like the classic surfer look. “ALEX! This is your son, Eric. Eric this is your father, AJ McLean.”

“Marissa, you’ve made this kid believe that lie?” Alex said looking at her with sad eyes. It really was sad…
“What’s he talking about mom?” Eric said looking at her funny. “You always told me he was my dad.”
“Well she’s lying to you, we had a test years ago, and it came up negative. I have the results in a file in the house. I figured your mother would pull this stunt.” Eric grew upset and angry towards his mother. “Marissa, why didn’t you go to the guy you cheated on me with?” AJ said putting his arm around me and holding me tight around the waist. She shrugged.

“He wouldn’t have amounted to anything…I wanted you to think there was a great man behind you, Eric.”
“Mom, I want a dad!” He yelled at her. “And you kept me from the real one for 18 years! I shouldn’t have agreed to this trip! It was so pointless! When we get back you need to find my real dad mom, I’m so sick of you lying all the time.” Eric walked back to her car and slammed the door as he got in. Marissa gave us one last look of defeat and went back to the car and pulled away, just as Brian pulled in. Alex went back inside. Leighanne, Brian, and Baylee all got out and walked over to me.

“Who was that?” Brian asked me holding Baylee, who was smiling.
“It was…Marissa…Alex’s first girlfriend.” Leighanne gasped.

“NO! What did she want?”
“She tried to pawn her son off on AJ being the father of him…His name is Eric and he was pissed.” We all shared a smile and went inside. AJ was already playing with Alexander.

OUR WEDDING

I’m looking at myself one last time in the tall mirror of the church AJ was baptized at in Florida. The only church AJ ever attended. I smiled to myself and Sarah entered the room I was in.

“Are you ready bride-to-be?” I looked over my shoulder at her and she smiled at me. “You look absolutely stunning.” I walked over to her.
“I feel it for once…I can’t believe I’m here!” I got a little choked up. “With the man I always felt I was going to marry.” She grinned and reached for my hand and we walked out together. My dad already had tears in his eyes as he took my arm…The music started and I walked down the aisle…

REALITY**** (gotcha)

“Hey…are you ok?” . I looked at him and smiled.
“Yeah, I’m um…I’m fine. I just had a few thoughts. You said your name was AJ right?”
“Yeah, AJ. Well I’d love to talk a little more, but I guess I have to get ready for the show…” He smiled and walked away. I went to the edge of the stage and just sat. For the split second that I closed my eyes in a hug with him, my whole whipped by. I was with him, we were getting married, and we had a kid. I put my hands on my head and laid back.

How does that even happen? He’s cute and all, but like that? I would never have sex with him that fast, and I would never have a kid with someone before I’m married…maybe I should just watch myself. I don’t want to hate him, I don’t want to ever meet that girl, if she is even real! I do want a friend like Sarah though! If they even exist…I wish Leighanne were real, I wish all of that was real in a better sense…

I got up and walked to the backstage area up to my dad, I hugged him. He laughed and let go of me.
“What’s with you kiddo?”
“I love you dad, I would never leave you for years at a time to only see you at big important events…” He smiled softly at me.
“I’m glad, I wouldn’t like that much time apart either…” He roughed up my hair and he and I walked down the hall that was familiar in my day dream. I took a big sigh as the blonde kid (formally known as Nick in my dreams) walked out. He stopped my dad and I.
“I haven’t seen your white shirt…” I said to him. He slumped over his shoulders and walked back into the room he came from.
“How did you know that’s what he wanted?” My dad asked me.
“Lucky guess…” He raised his eyebrows at me.
“Right…you only knew what color and what it was…” He paused. “I forgot something stay here…” He walked back out the hallway. I got my phone out of my pocket and I felt someone behind me. I looked over my shoulder and it was AJ. I looked forward again and felt my eyes bulge and I turned back around normal-like.

“Can I talk to you?” I asked him before he said anything. He nodded and led me to his dressing room. He shut the door. “Look, everything is really weird at the moment. When we hugged, I saw our whole lives flash in front of me! We…we had sex on your bus, we grew up together…we broke up when we were like 19, we HATED each other, you dated another woman, I dated other guys, then we saw each other again. We got back together, we had more sex, I got pregnant, we named him Alexander. Then…I met some girl named Marissa.” His eyes got big. “Then we got married…and I woke up.” He rubbed his chin a little with his hand.
“That’s one of the more weird things I have heard from a girl.” I put my arms over my head and bent down a little.
“I know! And it just feels so real! It sounds so stupid coming from a girl you just met not 5 minutes ago!” He smiled at me.
“How did you know about Marissa?” I sighed.
“Oh God, she’s real?” I sat down on the couch in the room. He nodded and sat next to me.
“She’s got quite a story…”
“Let me guess…You dated for a year and when you were in Europe she told you she was pregnant, but it’s not yours and you know because you had a test.” He leaned back to look at me.
“Do I like know you or something?” I shook my head and put my head in my hands.
“No! You don’t know me, but since everything else is so right…I guess I know everything about you.”
“And this is from a hug?” I nodded. “That is crazy weird. What all happened with us.” I looked up at him. “I mean, since it’s going to come true anyway…”
“No…No! AJ, it can never happen like it did…” He got a little sad.
“Was I that bad a boyfriend?” I smiled a little and touched his leg.
“No, you were a good one, but I can’t have sex with you, and I don’t want to have a kid with you before we got married…before I marry anyone! Well I mean you ended up being an alcoholic bastard, but…yeah.”
“I was an alcoholic?” He put his hand on his chest.
“Yeah, a bad one. That’s why I broke up with you for four years.” He laughed.
“Damn, I suck. I’m sorry.” I stood up and so did he. “Are you telling me I don’t have a chance?” He grabbed at my hand and held it.
“As long as it doesn’t end up like it did in the dream…You do…A very good chance.” He smiled at me and got closer to me and gave me a soft touching kiss on the lips. “and so far it’s not like the dream anymore.” He laughed.
“How’s that?”
“Our first kiss was on the bus.”
“Oh, let’s make sure it isn’t like the dream again…” He gave me another kiss only this one was longer and sweeter than the first. He let go of me and there was a knock on the door. “Come on in…” AJ said walking over to the rack of clothing he had set up. It was my dad who walked through the door.

“Dad!” I went to him and hugged him. “This is AJ…one of the boys in the group.” AJ took off the shirt he was wearing and changed into another and walked over to my dad to shake his hand. “I just made out with him…” My dad looked at me funny and I heard AJ laugh softly.
“I can’t imagine how you told him about sex…” He whispered to me and I hit him in the stomach gently.

“That’s…good Mary, I’m glad you like the band so much. They’re here for another few days you guys should all hang out or something.” I nodded.
“Oh, I planned on it…”

“Oh, I planned on it…” I said to him. We all walked out and I ran into Brian…I’m totally going with my instinctive dream now.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.” He said.
“Brian, this is Mary…I just made out with her.” AJ said laughing while putting his arm around me. And yeah…It was Brian. I’m good.
“That’s really good AJ, I’m glad you know how to do that with innocent, young…attractive girls.” I rolled my eyes at his remark. “Not to offend of course…”

“It’s ok, I understand.”

LATER THAT NIGHT (after the show)

I was listening to my MP3 player as the show finished up. The fans were so loud I needed something to drown them out. I started dancing and when I turned around all five boys were looking at me. I took the headphones off and turned the MP3 player off and put it back in my purse.

“I was bored…” I felt really stupid. I kind of missed the familiar dream. At least then I looked more professional and smart, then crazy and dumb. AJ walked up to me when the boys scattered to get redressed.
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Probably hanging with you guys at Denny’s…”
“You have got to stop with this whole thing…It’s weird. But I like that I don’t have to ask. Is it ok with your dad?”
“Yeah I told him I might be with you guys for awhile tonight, he said ok as long as I make it home in the morning in one piece.” AJ smiled and went to go change. When he came back out he put his arms around me from behind and embraced me. I turned around and returned it. I took a deep breath in, taking in his smell. He smelt really good, I couldn’t trace the smell back to my dream…I liked it. He gave me another sweet kiss.
“You’re going to be different for me, you know that right? I’ve never rushed into a relationship like this before.” I played with his semi-sweaty hair and smiled.
“It’s ok, me neither.” We let go of each other and he took my hand.

“You guys ready?” Kevin asked us. We both said yes and we walked out. I saw the girls from the dream, but I walked on…I couldn’t bring that in…I just couldn’t. We got on the bus and I sat next to Brian…on the floor. We both played each other in a few football video games. He won them all, and don’t think he didn’t let me know it.

“That is the 4th time Mary…You should just kind of give up now.” I hit him with my shoulder and he bounced back and hit me too.
“Fine! But I want a rematch tomorrow…” I sat back up on the couch with AJ. Though the things I had changed were completely different, this all felt the same. I couldn’t help but feel so depressed about it, and it didn’t take AJ long to catch on to it.

“What’s wrong Mary?” He said looking at me.
“I don’t really know…”
“Are you still upset over that daydream. Mary, it’s just a dream…”
“AJ, right now my whole life is one big déjà vu. It’s not going away.” Howie sat down next to me. “Oh, for heaven’s sakes.” I said smiling a little and looking at Howie. “Hey.”

“Hey, I’m Howie we never really met.” I nodded and he extended his hand in generous friendship and I shook it.
“I’m Mary, Howie.” We got to Denny’s and all got out. We were seated in a huge booth in the corner, when AJ started talking about my day dream to the other boys.

“What? No way?” Brian said getting all interested. As well were the other boys. AJ had me start from the beginning to the end and not skip on details. We sat there for a good 2 hours of me just talking about the crazy dream I had. Brian laughed when I finished. “Well at least I met a nice chick huh?” A waitress came over, blonde or more like the fairest hair I had ever seen. She was just gorgeous…then I read her name tag and stood up.
“Oh my God, you’re Leighanne!” She looked at me kind of funny.

“Yes, that’s my name.” I looked at Brian.
“This is her! This is exactly her! Oh my God this is so weird!” She looked at me for a second and he eyes got a little wider.

“Mary?” I stepped back in amazement. “Oh my God! Mary? I just had a crazy day dream earlier and you were in it!” I laughed and jumped up a little. “You all were in it!” She looked around the table at the guys she clearly knew. “But we didn’t meet like this…”
“I changed a few things earlier with them…” I said just as content as could be. “I guess fate has a funny thing of working everything out.” She gave me a huge hug.
“I’m so glad a friend like you exists!” I grinned a little and all the boys got out of the booth to just meet Leighanne.

“You two are some strange girls…” Brian said just smiling his great smile away at Leighanne to win her over ahead of time. She hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She let him go and looked at me.
“Do you think Sarah or any of those other girls had the same dreams?” She asked me. I shrugged my shoulders.

“It’s possible, but who knows until we meet them…” I looked at AJ. “That means we might break up still AJ…and that means you might still be an alcoholic later on.” He put his hands in his pockets and just looked around at the guys and myself and walked out of the restaurant.

“Wow he has got to be really upset with himself…” Leighanne said. “Go talk to him about it Mary…You have to. Maybe you can change it all again.” I looked at her with sad eyes and agreed and walked after AJ in the parking lot. I peaked around the corner of the bus and found him sitting on the ground, knees to his chest, head in his hands…crying. I had never really seen AJ express emotion like this in my dream. Thinking about it now, I never saw him cry more than once, when Alexander was born. I walked up to him and sat down next to him and held him.

“Why are you crying?” I asked him as I held him closer. It took him a little bit to collect himself and I let him go. He wiped his eyes.
“Why don’t you just hate me?” I got confused and I showed him it on my face. “After everything I may put you through later on, you’re still here wanting to be with me.” I fixed his hair a little and pursed my lips to think…I looked back up at him.
“Because I love you…You make me feel so different. Even when you’re some crazy ass person, you’re going to be my one and only. Fate will keep pulling me back to you until I make the right decision again. We just can’t be apart AJ, ok?” He sighed and faced forward and closed his eyes. I kissed his cheek. “I promise you, I will always love you AJ…” He looked back at me.
“You will always love me, huh?” He said smiling a little sly smile and leaning over to kiss me…
“Yes…I will.”