If Only.. by babygirl69
Summary: Four friends on a vacation in Los Angeles. Jessica just wants to have a good time. Will a freak run in with her favorite singer turn into love or just another guy in her past that left her heartbroken...
Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters: AJ, Group, Other
Genres: Drama, Dramedy, Romance
Warnings: Graphic Sexual Content, Sexual Assault/Rape, Sexual Content
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 8 Completed: No Word count: 9866 Read: 7497 Published: 06/01/09 Updated: 06/04/09
Chapter 8 by babygirl69
I spent the next two days with Alex. I called in sick at work for those two days, and Casey being my best friend, covered for me. Since I called in, there were certain places I couldn't be seen, so we spent our time out on the other side of town. Last night, I convinced Alex to stay with me, and not in the hotel again. After some heavy kissing to convince him, he agreed. We slept together in my bed. And when I say slept, I mean sleep. We didn't want to rush into anything.

He held me close all night, and I felt so safe in his arms. When I woke up a few minutes ago, I looked over and saw him peacefully laying next to me. He had himself almost curled into the fetal position, but had one arm around my waist. He was so cute I couldn't stop myself from letting out an "Aww.."

He must've heard me, because he opened one eye and looked over at me.

"What are you doing?" He asked in a sleepy, raspy voice.

"Watching you sleep." I giggled.

"Why?" He mumbled, again.

"Because your adorable."

He stretched out and pulled me close to him. "You're the adorable one, not me."

"Aw, thanks. But, I was right. You're adorable." I giggled when he started tickling me.

"Alex!" I yelped in between giggles. "Stop!"

"Nope." He said, laughing. He finally stopped and looked down at me, "Your laugh is so cute."

"Thanks. I think you're pretty cute too."

"Aw thanks." He flashed his grin, "You know what sounds good?"

"What? Breakfast?"

"Yes." He looked over at the clock, "Hmm..11:46. Well, breakfast is over. Let's go get lunch."

"Ok. I'll go get ready." I kissed him on the cheek before jumping out of bed and running to the bathroom.



Thirty minutes later, we were both dressed and ready to go. Once we were in my car, Alex ased where we were going.

"What sounds good?"

We were passing a stip of restaurants, and one caught his eye.

"Oooh! Baskin Robbins!"

"You want ice cream for breakfast?" I laughed.

"No, but sometime before I leave today, we need to go. They have these sprinkles that change colors!"

I burst into a fit of laughter, "You're acting like an 8 year old."

"What? I wanna try em!"

"You are so cute!" I said, taking his hand in mine.

I pulled into a Pizza Hut close to the Baskin Robbin. We took our time eating our pizza, and talking about random topics. Anything to keep our minds off the fat that he was leaving at 6. After arguing for a few miniutes, I was finally allowed to pay. But, I had to agree that he would pay for the ice cream later.


By the time 5 o'clock rolled around, I was sad, once again. I was sitting in the airport with Alex, waiting for his plane to board.

"I don't want you to go." I said, resting my head on his shoulder.

He kissed the top of my head, "I don't want to either."

"How long until we can see each other again?"

"I'm not sure. I still have a few weeks off next month. I can come back then."

"Or I could fly out to LA."

"I'd love that."

We sat in silence for a minute. I looked up at him, studying his features.

"So, have we decided what exactly we're doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we've established we're more than friends. But, it's too soon to say we're a couple or anything like that. So, I mean..what do you call what we're doing?"

"I'd like to think we'll be officially together someday. I have strong feelings for you."

I don't know what it was, but that scared me. Even though that's what I wanted to hear from him and I knew I had strong feelings for him too, and I wanted to have something with him. But, my past was starting to scare me. I didn't want to get hurt. When he wrapped his arms around me, I froze.

"Jess, what's wrong?"

"I-I'm just..I dunno."

"Do you not want us to be together?"

"No, I do. I'm just scared. I haven't told you, but I've been hurt by guys in the past. Like really hurt. And, I can't handle it again."

"I'm not gonna hurt you." He whispered, as he stroked my cheek with his hand. "What happened?"

"I'm not ready to talk about it yet, I promise I will one day, I just, I don't feel ready yet."

"That's fine. Maybe we should slow this down. I don't want to rush into anything, and make you uncomfortable or scared." He kissed my cheek, and whispered in my ear, "That's the last thing I wanna do."

I nodded. "Maybe it's best...wait, we're not like never gonna talk, right?"

"Of course not. We'll still talk on the phone every night and text each other throughout the day. We just won't sleep in the same bed when we visit each other, and we won't go anywhere past kissing. At least for awhile. How's that sound?"

"You are really the most incredible man I've ever met." I kissed him.

We said goodbye, and he was gone. Leaving me alone again. When I got home, I asked Steven to leave so I could talk to Casey. I needed to talk to her about everything. And, get her advice. I knew I had feeling for him, strong feelings. But, I knew I dhouldn't go too fast. I was so confused. My heart was telling me one thing, but my head was telling me another.

"Casey, I'm so torn about what to do. I mean, I really like Alex.. I don't want to say I'm in love with him because it's too soon, but, I think I do love him. My head is telling me not to get too involved too fast, but I just don't know."

I sat on the couch next to Casey, with my head in my hands.

"Have you talked to him about this?"

"Yeah, at the airport. He said we'd slow things down. We'd talk on the phone every night still, but for a while, when we visit each other, we won't sleep in the same bed. And for now, we wouldn't go past kissing."

"Well, that sounds like the right thing to do."

"Yeah, I guess your right. I told him how I've been hurt in the past."

"What'd he say?"

"Well, I didn't exactly go into details. I told him I'm not ready to talk about it."

"I understand that. When are you guys gonna see each other again?"

"Next month he's off for two weeks. So, I'm flying out for a week. And he's coming home with me for a week."

"That's good. So are you taking two weeks off from work or just one?"

"I'm not sure. I want don't want to make him sit around all day alone while I'm at work. But, I don't want to keep taking time off work."

"Yeah, I can see where you're coming from."

"I'll probably talk to him about it before the time comes."

We spent the rest of the night watching tv. When I went to get us some snacks, I heard her giggle.

"Jess! You're not gonna believe what's on!"

When I got in the living room, I heard the boys singing. It was a concert from their Unbreakable tour, on HDNET.

"Awww. Look at my baby sing." I said in awe of his voice.

"Your baby?" Casey asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What? I need a nickname for him only I can call him. Help me think of one." I giggled.

We spent the next hour watching the show, and trying to think of nicknames. We'd thrown out some of the corniest names I've ever heard.

"Baby cakes?"

"Baby cakes?" I asked her, giving her a 'are you serious' look.

"I'll take that as a no."

"This is hard. Maybe I'll just have to be with him and call him what comes to mind at the time."

"Or you could just call him Alex. Since that's his name."

"Touche." I laughed.
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