Melanie Hill’s life was divided into two parts—the happy times before Nick Carter came into her life and ruined it and the void afterward. He was absolutely gorgeous, irresistibly charming and ultimately devastating. (Short Story)
1. Part One by silverdiamond99
2. Part Two by silverdiamond99
3. Part Three by silverdiamond99
4. Part Four by silverdiamond99
PART ONE
My breath caught as I spotted her across the crowded café. I held my coffee
mug to my face, hoping this would hide me enough so that she wouldn’t
recognize me. I kept perfectly still, as if she couldn’t see me if I
didn’t move.
He was with her. They were holding hands. If their smiles were any
indication, they were both happy.
And heading in my direction.
It had been months since I had seen her. Or him. I still went through phases
of missing her. And him. Seeing them together hurt immensely.
I saw the guy at the table beside me stand up as he got ready to leave. I
made a split second decision to hide behind him and follow him out of the café.
I didn’t want to risk staying at the table and having to speak to Nick or
Hannah. Even after all these months, my humiliation was still as fresh as it
was on that awful night. I typically had a bad memory, but my recollection of
that night was something that would never fade. I remembered every detail with
a clarity that made my heart ache and my eyes tear on cue.
Fortunately, the man I chose to hide behind was taller and wider than me. He
had long legs but I soon discovered that he was not a swift walker. I kept
close to him, but far enough away that I wasn’t stepping on his heels.
The last thing I needed was to trip him over and make a spectacle of myself,
when all I wanted was to get out of there without being seen.
Suddenly the man with the long legs stopped in front of me and I ran
straight into him.
“Sorry,” I whispered. In my head I screamed, “keep
moving!”
The man frowned at me then put a magazine on the shelf near the door. I
looked behind me to make sure I hadn’t been spotted.
If there was an Olympic event for moronic behavior I would win the gold,
silver and bronze. I was so, so stupid.
Nick was looking directly at me. Hannah was turned away from him, placing
her order, and was oblivious to me, like always. She was also oblivious to
Nick’s surprised expression.
I turned away again and as soon as I could, ducked around the tall man so
that I could get away. I was striding across the mall when I heard somebody
call my name.
“Melanie!”
It was Nick.
“Wait!” he called. His voice sounded far too close.
I started to run. I couldn’t believe he had the nerve to come after
me!
I nearly made it to the mall doors, but Nick abruptly jumped in front of me.
I crashed into him so hard that I made him stumble backwards. His hands held my
upper arms to steady me.
Irritated, I shook him off and glared up at him.
“Hi,” he grinned casually. “How have you been?”
I felt like slapping that amused expression right off his face. I took a few
slow breaths and forced myself to smile widely. Serenely. “Great. And
you?”
“Good,” he replied, still smiling. “Hey, Hannah and I are
having a house warming party and we’d love you to come.”
I swallowed the hurt. I tried to look composed, while inside, jealousy was
simmering in my blood. He said it so nonchalantly. I felt like he had dumped a
bucket of boiling water over me. Hannah was moving in with him? Wow.
I cleared my throat and forced out words. “Sorry, I’m really
busy and--”
Nick smiled again. “I didn’t even tell you when it is.”
I swallowed and tried to ignore that smile. I hated to think how many times
that smile had convinced me to do things I knew I shouldn’t. Like taking
that little yellow pill that made my head feel like it would roll off my
shoulders. Then there was the skinny dipping in the lake. We were two naked,
naïve girls in the water, outnumbered by totally naked but not at all naïve
guys. Nobody else could have convinced me to do those things, but Nick did.
I had absolutely no idea what to say to him, so I remained silent as people
streamed by us. I wondered what Hannah thought of him chasing after me like
that. I bet she was pissed.
Nick bit his lower lip. “Are you okay? You kinda seem…like
you’re not.”
I painted a blasé expression on my face. “I’m fine.” He
had to know I was lying. How could I be fine? Did he want me to admit that,
yes, I was ruined. Was that part of his game, to be satisfied that he’d
won, he had to know that I was merely a shell of my former self? I wasn’t
about to give him that pleasure.
Nick did a good job of looking concerned. “It doesn’t have to be
like this. I hate that you guys don’t talk anymore. Hannah misses
you.”
Hannah and I were inseparable before he came along. I couldn’t believe
that he was going to stand there and act like he wanted to fix things, when it
was his fault everything was so fucked up. Before Nick, Hannah and I lived
together, worked together and we trusted each other more than anyone in the
world. Now she’d quit her job at the bakery and expelled me from every
other part of her life too.
I couldn’t deny being partly responsible for what had happened, but I
still wholly believed that if we’d never met Nick, Hannah and I would
still be friends. Because of Nick, Hannah was forever turned against me.
I was indignant. “Nick. You’re with Hannah.” At the
beginning, it had never occurred to me that he would be with Hannah, and not
me. But they were together, and now I was alone. I couldn’t believe that
he had the audacity to confront me and act as if I shouldn’t be hurt.
Nick rubbed his chin with his palm and paused for a moment. “That
doesn’t mean you have to hide from us. Why can’t we hang out like
we used to? We had fun. Right?”
It’s not fun watching your former friend glow with happiness while you
sit and sulk. It’s not fun constantly wondering why the guy you were
crazy about doesn’t feel the same. There’s no joy in feeling like a
reject and trying to pretend that you’re perfectly fine with being the
reject. A stronger person might be able to carry on like they were unaffected,
but not me.
He was a jerk and Hannah was stupid for staying with him.
Nick tried again. “We play volleyball on Tuesday nights. Why
don’t you come with us? It doesn’t matter if you’ve never
played before. It’s just for fun.”
“Thanks, but no.”
Nick’s forehead creased. “Mel…you and Hann are
friends…don’t you miss her? I know she misses you.”
I hated that tone. The sympathetic tone that made me want to crawl inside
myself and disappear.
If Hannah was really my friend, she wouldn’t have sided with Nick.
Nick, who we hadn’t even known a whole year. The guy who wormed his way
into our lives and destroyed us.
Well, destroyed me. Hannah still seemed as perky as ever.
Did Hannah not care about how all this made me feel? She got her man, and
that was all that mattered. That’s what it seemed like to me.
It was hard to believe that it was the same Hannah, the same girl who sat by
me as I sobbed by my mother’s grave. The girl who slapped some weird guy
in a club when he decided he wanted to do a panty inspection on me. Hannah, who
had won the affection of the man who I was falling for, and now Hannah wanted
nothing to do with me.
PART TWO
I knew at the beginning that Nick had a soft spot for me. I used to think
that maybe he thought about me that same way I thought about him. Then I would
tell myself that it was just my imagination, that he was just being friendly. I
never wanted to get my hopes up--I didn’t cope well with
disappointment.
At first it was as if we were all friends. Hannah and I would hang out with
him and his friends and everything was peachy.
It took a foolish moment of weakness and a whole lot of cocktails and shots
for everything to fall apart. Before that though, things were perfect.
The first time Nick came into the bakery, I acted like I didn’t know
who he was. He asked for a dozen mixed bread rolls. While I put them in a bag,
we talked about what a perfect day it was outside.
“We’ve having a picnic,” he told me. “My friends
think it’s a lame idea, but they’re coming anyway.”
I smiled at him. “Who can refuse a picnic?”
I handed him the bag of bread and took his money. When I gave him his
change, we shared another smile, then he walked out the door.
I was still smiling after he was out of sight, wondering if he smiled at all
the girls like that. He was gorgeous with his messy hair, stubbly jaw and azure
eyes. His smile was the real lethal weapon though. Those beautiful, sumptuous
looking lips curled up into a smile so gorgeous that it made my cheeks warm.
Hannah didn’t see Nick that day, and Nick didn’t see Hannah.
They met the second time Nick came to the bakery. She was out the back icing
some cupcakes but her hot guy detector must have gone off or something, and I
was mid-conversation with Nick when she joined us.
“Another picnic?” I asked him.
“No,” he said, “Just hungry. I think I’m going to
have to have one of those brownies. I’ve been thinking about it ever
since I walked out of here last time.”
The little smile he sent in my direction made me think that the brownie
wasn’t the only thing that had been on his mind. I used the tongs to
carefully take the brownie out of the display and put it in the paper bag.
“Do you believe in ghosts?” Nick asked suddenly.
I laughed. Talk about random. “Not really,” I said. “Do
you?”
“I think so,” he said. “There’s this motel, like an
hour’s drive away. It was deserted years ago and people say it’s
haunted. Some of the locals out there want it torn down, but it’s like a
tourist attraction now.”
I felt Hannah come up beside. “I saw that place on the news a while
back,” she said. “It looks creepy as hell.”
He looked at her and then me. “Why don’t you guys come out with
us tonight? It’ll be fun.”
Hannah and I left our squeals of excitement until Nick was safely out of the
building and had crossed to the other side of the street.
Later that night when we met up with Nick and his buddies, we were cool,
calm and collected. Nick drove us over there in his shiny SUV. We didn’t
talk much on the drive over; Nick’s music was far too loud for
conversation.
A song came on and Hannah shouted, “I love this song!” It
sounded like an eighties track, big guitar and synth. I didn’t know what
song it was, and I seriously doubted Hannah did either.
“Me too!” I said, and we laughed together.
The motel was eerie and kind of surreal. A lot of the windows were smashed,
ceiling panels were half hanging down and some rooms had been burnt out.
Indecipherable graffiti was scrawled on the dilapidated walls. There was no
carpet, and the ground crunched creepily beneath our feet.
A couple of the guys lit a fire and we sat around telling ghost stories.
Well, mostly Nick and his overactive imagination told the stories. While we
didn’t find any evidence of ghosts, Nick had the brilliant idea of
playing hide and seek.
“Okay,” Chris said. “Let’s do it.” He poked
Nick in the shoulder. “You’re it!”
Nick started counting, “One Mississippi, Two Mississippi,
Three…”
I have to admit I was terrified while hiding by myself. The deserted motel
ruins seemed like the perfect set for a horror movie, and an excellent spot for
some deviant psychopath to hang out. Some freak could grab me, slit my throat
and I’d be found in a pool of my own blood.
It was a relief when Nick found me.
We kept playing. Dean was hopeless at finding decent places to hide, so he
was “it” most of the time. Secretly, I wondered if he was scared of
crouching in some dark crevice too.
When it was Chris’s turn to be “it”, Nick insisted that he
had to count for several minutes longer because it was getting harder to find
good spots to hide. When Chris was shut inside the “it” closet and
could be heard counting, Nick grabbed my hand and dragged me outside.
In the darkness, Nick tugged me along the long driveway and led me to the
car, which we had left near the rickety old gate. Nick quietly opened the door
and crawled in the backseat and I scrambled in after him. I went to close the
door, but he grabbed my hand and shook his head, putting his finger to my lips
to hush me. I left the door open just a crack so that it wouldn’t make a
noise.
Nick tugged my arm and pulled me into his lap. I smiled as I straddled his
thighs and he reached up to turn off the internal light. He put his hand under
my chin and smiled back at me.
As he slowly leaned in to me, I felt like I might hyperventilate.
Nick’s lips on mine was the most amazing thing I’d ever felt. His
lips were so incredibly soft and warm. My fingers clawed at fistfuls of
Nick’s white shirt while his lips and tongue danced with mine. I
whimpered pathetically when he took his lips off mine. When they moved onto my
neck my breathing quickened. His fingers snuck under the back of my shirt while
his lips played over my sensitive, flushed skin.
Nick’s mouth made it to the top edge of my tank top just as Chris
lunged into the back seat.
“Found you!”
This time I was annoyed to be found so soon. Nick put his hands on my hips
and moved me off his lap.
Next time we hid in a cupboard at the far end of a block of rooms. This time
I kissed Nick, running my hands over his chest and then wandering lower where
my fingers stroked his hardening length.
We heard footsteps approach and I pressed my mouth hard against
Nick’s. There was nothing tender in this kiss, it was red-hot and
impatient.
“Fuck it,” Nick cursed when Mike ripped open the closet door.
“You’re it,” Mike grinned.
Mike turned away from us and Nick stole one more fiery kiss.
When it was my turn to find the others, I was mid-count when a terrifying
scream cut through the night.
“Oh my god!” I could hear Hannah yelling.
We found Hannah inching her way along a wall, moving away from something.
“Look in the corner!” she said. “Let’s get the fuck out
of here.”
We all crept inside the room to find a used syringe in the corner. I sighed
in relief. I had been expecting to find something far more ghastly.
After Hannah freaked out, our game was finished and Nick decided we would
call it a night.
I didn’t say anything to anyone about what happened that night. Nick
could have held my hand, or kissed me again in front of the others, but he
didn’t, so I figured I should stay quiet. I don’t know how Hannah
never realized what had happened. I felt like I was walking on clouds after the
way he kissed and touched me. And how could she have missed those little looks
that Nick and I kept shooting each other?
Nick dropped us off at home that night. He stayed in the driver’s seat
and waved us goodbye. I was disappointed that the night was over, and more
disappointed that he left without arranging for us to do something together
again. I thought for sure that he would want to come inside, or maybe even take
me back to his place, but he didn’t. I respected that he really
didn’t want anyone else to know what was going on, so I kept my
excitement to myself.
It was an agonizing two weeks before Nick called again. He asked if we
wanted to come to a party at his buddy’s house. We were at the mall at
the time, and I could barely hear him over the crowd.
“It’s sweet,” he said, “Right by the
beach.”
“Text me the time and address,” I told him. “And
we’ll see you there.”
Hannah’s grin stretched across her face when I told her Nick had
invited us to a party. We decided to buy new swimsuits for the occasion. I
picked out a pink halter bikini with tiny little purple flowers. I liked the
way the flowers gave the illusion that there was something more promising
inside the bikini, than there actually was. Hannah went for a more revealing
brown and gold triangle bikini set and insisted we pick up some fake tanning
lotion too.
We arrived bronzed and bubbly at the house where Nick’s buddy Dean
greeted us at the door. “Welcome to my home sweet home,” he said.
Then he looked over his shoulder and yelled, “Guys, the entertainment has
arrived!”
I smiled awkwardly and stayed standing in the doorway.
“Just kidding!” he laughed manically. He grabbed Hannah’s
arm and pulled her inside. “Come in. Grab a drink.”
The house was gorgeous. We played a game of Marco Polo in the pool. There
was plenty of mischievous groping, by both us and the boys. My jaw throbbed
from smiling and laughing so much. After the Marco Polo game, we sat around and
ate pizza, which was washed down with copious amounts of vodka and other drinks
with no name. When I asked, Dean told me “it’s good, that’s
all you need to know.”
Nick said he was getting bored with just sitting around on the floor. Dean
had a Jacuzzi that fit all six of us easily, so we moved there, taking the
drinks with us of course.
Mike kept trying to get me to drink more, but I could feel that I was
reaching my limit. I tried to drink slower, so that I didn’t end up with
my head down the toilet.
Chris was an idiot. Out of all the guys there, it was Chris who was the
loudest, and the funniest. He knew every lame knock-knock joke there was. Maybe
it was the alcohol, but the jokes became funnier the more he told. I put my
hand over my mouth to try and control my laughter. When I was drunk, I laughed
hard. Okay, it was more of a rambunctious snort that a laugh. I was mid-snort
when I saw them.
I couldn’t believe my eyes as I saw Nick lean in and kiss Hannah. I
froze and my cheeks burned hot.
PART THREE
I urged myself to stay calm. Look cool. I pretended I didn't see her tongue sneak into his mouth. I acted as if I hadn't caught sight of his hand slipping down between her legs.
I told myself that it was just a kiss. He was drunk. They both were.
At the motel, he had been completely sober when he kissed me. This thought comforted me while Nick and Hannah continued to kiss. When Nick stood up and helped Hannah out of the tub, my heart was deflated.
I stayed with the guys in the living room while Nick led Hannah down the hall towards a bedroom. I think I was in shock. What was I supposed to do?
I lay down on the couch and pretended to doze off. Mike reminded me that there were plenty of beds in Dean's house, but I told him I was comfortable where I was. On the outside I was calm, but in my mind I was convincing myself that I should be glad that I had done nothing more than kiss Nick if it was Hannah that he'd wanted all along.
I couldn't help but think he wanted me though. Whenever he called to go out, he called my cell phone--he never called Hannah's. He kissed me first. He didn't smile at Hannah the way he smiled at me. Did he?
I did go to sleep on the couch. When I woke up, I found Mike sprawled out on his back, sleeping on the floor. Hannah was standing in the doorway, saying my name.
"Are you okay to drive home?" she said, "I'm still kinda buzzed."
I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I wasn't completely sober, but I was desperate to get out over there.
Hannah and I left Dean's house just before 4am. I got in the driver's seat while Nick and Hannah swapped spit at the front door. I felt like I had a fever as I watched them paw at each other.
"I think I'm in love," she gushed as we drove away. "He is amazing... just...amazing."
All I could think was that I saw him first. I kissed him first. Hannah wasn't supposed to kiss him too. Hannah wasn't supposed to sleep with him. And now Hannah thought he was amazing. As I drove, I felt like I was about to choke on the lump in my throat.
I shared none of my thoughts aloud, and was grateful when Hannah fell asleep during the drive. I was surprised how angry I felt. I realized I had no reason to feel hurt. Maybe if I'd confessed to Hannah that Nick had been consuming my every thought for weeks, the night would have turned out differently. Until then, I didn't even know that Nick kissing someone else would make me feel like my heart was being strangled. So how could Hannah know what I was thinking? How could she know that she wasn't allowed to kiss Nick?
Nick touched my arm and I shook off the raw memories. I blinked and realized that we were still in the mall, and Nick's pretty eyes were focused on me once again.
Hannah was still inside the café, and it was just me and Nick.
I noticed nothing going on around me. Someone could have been robbing a bank right beside me, but all I could concentrate on was Nick's expressionless face. I didn't understand what he was trying to accomplish, and his face gave nothing away. Did he want another shot with me? While he was still with Hannah? That wouldn't surprise me.
"What do you want Nick?" He did want Hannah, I knew that much. And Hannah wanted Nick. Why would he want to bring me back into the picture? It wasn't fair.
Things could never go back to the way they were before. If Hannah broke up with Nick, then I would talk to her, but until then, I was not willing to relive that situation. Sure, it would make Nick feel better if Hannah and I would talk again, but I wasn't about to put myself through that just to ease his conscience. Or play into whatever cheating fantasy he had going on.
I wasn't convinced him chasing me in the mall was due to his conscience. I suspected that he enjoyed creating friction between us. He wanted to play us off each other. Wanted us to fight for him.
But I wasn't going to fight. I hadn't fought that last disastrous night, and now after reflecting on the whole situation for months, I was convinced more than ever that staying quiet and letting Nick walk away was the best thing I could have done.
For months I played the supportive, happy best friend to Hannah. She had no idea that I had feelings for her boyfriend. As weeks went by, he stayed over at our house more and more and I would have to suffer breakfast with Nick and Hannah basking in the afterglow. I don't know how I did it, but I kept my thoughts to myself. I told them they were making me sick and they thought I was joking.
I'm not sure why, but Nick loved our house. Hannah rarely stayed over at his place, though I wished they would go someplace other than where I was. I was happy that Hannah was happy. In all the time I'd known her, she'd never had a boyfriend. She deserved to be happy, and if Nick was the one that made her happy, then I just had to deal with it.
I was jealous of Hannah, but I couldn't be angry with her. It was my own fault that I had missed my opportunity...if it was even an opportunity in the first place. I also comforted myself with the knowledge that they probably wouldn't last long. As horrible as the thought was, Nick was going to break Hannah's heart, regardless of me. He had the attention span of a five year old, and I could see that it wouldn't take long for him to take interest in a new toy.
But still, Hannah held Nick's attention for a lot longer than I had. At night I would stay up and wait for them to get home after dinner or whatever. Each time I thought Hannah might come through the door teary eyed and broken hearted, but she never did. She was always exuberant and smitten, and normally attached to Nick. They would snuggle on the couch together, with no idea that their affectionate kisses were making me miserable.
Sometimes I wondered what Nick was thinking. He knew I wanted him that night back at the motel. The only way I could rationalize him moving on to Hannah, was that he had been waiting for me to call him after that night. Waiting for me to make a move and when I didn't speak up, he obviously got the wrong impression, and it hurt like hell. When he got together with Hannah, I made every effort to make sure he continued to be ignorant of my feelings for him. I was just the happy-go-lucky friend.
It was Nick's idea for us to have a party at our house. "Nothing big," he had said. "Just the regulars and a few other friends."
Hannah and I were pretty excited about the party at our house. It meant that we weren't just guests, but we were apart of it. We were the party. We were proud of our house. Sure, we didn't actually own it, and it wasn't as big or as glamorous as Nick's or any of his friend's, but it was ours, and we loved it.
There were photos on the wall, one of us in France looking ecstatic in front of the Eiffel Tower. There was one of us at graduation, looking serious, but so pleased with ourselves. Next to it, a black and white one of us standing on the porch of our house, Hannah was triumphantly holding the key in the air.
When Hannah moved out, she left all those photos behind and now they remained on the wall to remind me of what was lost.
The night everything was ruined was supposed to be fun. In the months that we had known Nick, we were always going to his house or his friend's houses for parties, or just chilling by the pool. Now the party was coming to us and we were going to make sure the night was a hit.
At this point, Nick and Hannah had been dating for about two months, and while they spent a lot of time alone, we still all hung out as a group. I was beginning to hate it when we all got together. When Nick came over to our house by himself, with a closed door and headphones, it was easy to ignore him. When we were all in a group though, I couldn't avoid the little smooches, or sometimes the completely unnecessary and repulsive slurping noises as their mouths took on a life of their own.
It was torture.
Even more torturous was that Nick continued to look at me like he wanted me back in his lap and ravishing his mouth. At least, that was how I interpreted his look. It wasn't friendly. It was inviting.
And it was ridiculous. Whenever he looked at me like that, I averted my gaze. It made me nervous, and even more frustrated.
The night before the party, Nick stayed over. He wanted to come with us to pick up the drinks. He said he'd pay, because he was probably going to drink most of it anyway.
When Hannah was in the shower that morning, and I was cooking bacon and eggs, Nick came up behind me, put his hands on my waist and bit my ear.
"Ow!" I exclaimed. "What did you do that for?"
He kept his head near mine then put his lips to my ear lobe, giving it three tiny little kisses. "Better?"
"What are you doing?" I asked. I flipped over the eggs and felt him move away.
"Hope you cooked some for me."
I blinked. "I'll cook more," I said.
Nick sat down at the table and pulled his cell phone from his pocket. I wasn't sure if he was texting somebody or playing a game.
I shook my head and turned my attention back to the frying pan. We didn't talk after that, and when Hannah finished in the shower, the two of them disappeared back into the bedroom.
PART FOUR
When we went to buy the alcohol, I was glad that Nick did indeed pay.
“How many people are coming to this party?” I asked. Our house wasn’t that big.
“Nick’s friends invited some friends, and they invited some friends, and they’ll probably bring some friends too. Better to be prepared,” Hannah said.
Nick grabbed her face and planted a kiss on her lips. “We gotta get some more glasses. You guys have hardly any.”
I frowned. We had plenty. It was at this point that I started to have a bad feeling about the party.
When the back of Nick’s Escalade was filled with party supplies, we returned to the house to start getting the food ready.
I was making a guacamole dip when Hannah said she was going to take a shower. Nick followed her into the bathroom and I was left alone in the kitchen to listen to her shrieks of laughter and helpless sounding moans. Something crashed to the floor and Nick’s grunting and groaning got louder and louder, followed by beautiful silence.
By the end of it, I was probably breathing just as heavy as them.
When they emerged from the bathroom, I retreated to my room to do my makeup. I chose a short black satin dress with a low sweetheart neckline and two thin spaghetti straps. I put on some silver hoop earrings and eyed my reflection. Just because Nick didn’t want me, didn’t mean some other guy wouldn’t be love-struck. I smiled at myself then went in search of the perfect perfume.
I was glad I made the effort to look good, because everyone else had too. Hannah was wearing a black dress too, but hers was long and had a dangerously low v-neck. She wasn’t wearing a bra, and the faint glitter she’d brushed over her chest drew attention straight to where she wanted it.
Things started out okay, but as the hours passed I recognized hardly anybody who had crowded into our house. The air was hazy with smoke and everybody yelled at each other to be heard over the music. It was so loud that the songs sounded kind of distorted, but nobody seemed to notice or care.
I cringed as some redheaded guy dropped a cigarette onto the living room carpet.
I felt somebody behind me squeeze my shoulders. “Relax!” Nick yelled into my ear.
I exhaled and took another drink of my vodka and soda. Nick pulled me into the dancing mass near the stereo and left me there. I got lost in the bumping mass and for a while I forgot about the alcohol sloshing onto the carpet.
The night felt endless. We danced and drank for hours and hours. I was having trouble keeping my eyes open, which happened often when I got drunk. I was envious of the people who left, going home to their bed, or maybe somebody else’s bed.
I sat on the couch and watched Hannah at work. She was completely wrapped up in her game of poker. I had no doubt that she would win. She was inanely stubborn and competitive. It wouldn’t matter how many games it took, she would walk away from that table a winner.
Nick came to squish into the tiny space on the couch next to me.
"Comfortable?” I asked him, my thigh trapped by his.
“You look bored,” Nick said, before putting his beer bottle up to his lips. “I thought I’d come entertain you.”
“I don’t get it,” I said. “I don’t play cards.”
“You don’t have a poker face,” Nick said. He paused for a moment and looked at me thoughtfully. He leaned in closer and put his mouth to my ear. “I can look at you face and know exactly what you’re thinking.”
His warm breath on my neck sent a chill through me. I looked away from him, just in case he could indeed know what I was thinking. He didn’t need to be privy to the interesting scenario playing out in my head.
I glanced back and saw him looking in my lap, where my dress had risen up my thighs. My legs were crossed, there was nothing to see, but that didn’t stop him from looking.
Nick said, “Want me to mix you another drink?”
I really didn’t need another drink, I was buzzed enough already. One more drink might be all I needed to end up in a heap on the floor. But Nick didn’t give me a chance to respond. Instead, he took my hand and pulled me up from the low couch.
He caught my elbow as my foot stumbled on something. I looked down and saw an empty bottle. Earlier in the night I would have rushed to get a towel to soak up the beer dribbling on the carpet, but now I felt detached and not at all concerned. When Nick was sure I wasn’t going to fall, he let go of me and headed towards the kitchen and I followed him in there. Some girls were sitting at our table, eating some caramel cupcakes I’d brought home from work. There were three girls there, and a lot more than three empty cupcake cases. Cupcakes and rum. Yum. I bet they were regretting that later.
Nick had his back to me as he took the lid off the vodka bottle. I watched his shoulder blades move beneath his shirt as he reached up and took a glass from the cupboard. It was pathetic that a simple movement from him made my insides twinge.
Nick mixed the drink then held out the full glass to me. “It’s kind of strong. Hope you can handle it.”
I smiled as I put the glass to my lips but cringed as I took a sip. “You weren’t kidding.”
He grinned cheekily. “If that doesn’t liven you up, nothing will.”
Inside the dining room, Hannah was hollering about Chris being the worst bluffer she’d ever seen.
“Want to go out the back?” Nick asked me.
While I stood there, half dazed and wordless he took my hand and steered me out of the kitchen. We didn’t make it outside. Instead, Nick led us into the unlit laundry. The door softly clicked as he closed it behind us.
“What are you doing?” Now that he had let my hand go, I clutched my glass with both hands.
Nick stared at me, his expression unreadable. Suddenly the corner of his mouth lifted and he smirked. “What are you doing, Melanie?”
I blinked in confusion. Was he flirting with me? Because I didn’t know what else to do, I took another sip of my drink.
“Is it good?” Nick asked me. I noticed him inching closer.
I nodded. My heart was beating hard and fast.
Nick was still staring at me, and I was still looking at him, watching and waiting.
He was right in front of me now. If I leant forward mere inches I could rest my head against his chest. “I like this,” he said, hooking his finger under the shoe string strap of my dress. His fingers were cool against my skin as he dragged the strap over my shoulder. “Put the glass down,” he said. His gravelly voice sent a shiver through me.
I put the glass down on the washing machine, sloshing the liquid over my hand in the process. My fingers felt like liquid themselves.
I stood there stupidly, with my hands by my sides, having a mild panic attack. Nick seemed composed. Focused even.
Was he pissed that Hannah was out there having a good time without him? She was laughing like crazy out there. Could he hear her, or was she drowned out by my ragged breathing?
Nick pushed the other strap of my dress over my shoulder. Could he see the way my chest was heaving? I was enveloped by the warmth of his body as he reached behind me and lowered the zip on the back. He dragged both straps all the way down my arms and the silky dress obediently fell in a pool at my feet. Every inch of my exposed body prickled with anticipation. Nick's fingers crawled up my stomach and ventured over my strapless bra. He tweaked my hard nipples through the bra, and then moved his hands behind me, over my back to grip my ass.
I moved my hands to rest on his back and stood on the balls of my feet so I could press my mouth to his. He groaned and pushed his hands into my hair, holding my head still while his tongue plunged into my mouth. I cried out into his mouth and then returned his kiss eagerly.
My heart galloped in my chest. His hands returned to my ass and his fingers kneaded my ass cheeks through my panties. I loved the feeling, but I was desperate to feel his hands on my bare skin.
I needed to feel him too. I slipped my hands under his shirt and let my hands wander over his stomach and up over his chest. I pressed my lips to his prickly jaw then dragged them lower, over the hot skin of his neck.
There was a click and light flashed into the small room. Hannah’s shriek sounded like someone had knifed her.
Nick shoved me away. I knocked the glass beside me and it fell to the floor and shattered into a million pieces. I stumbled back, falling onto the washer.
After Nick went running after Hannah, I slumped down to the floor and stared blankly into the darkness. My lips throbbed. My hands shook.
I felt a sharp stab in my butt and reach under me to remove a shard of glass. I threw the piece of glass across the room. It bounced off the wall and came back to hit my leg. I winced, though I didn’t feel it.
I must have stayed there for an hour or more, leaning against the cool washing machine, hugging my bare legs. Nick never came back. I don’t know why I expected him to. The alcohol made my mind foggy. It obliterated my common sense.
Some time later I stumbled to my bed finished the night curled up in a ball, repeating the same words over and over again.
What have I done?
Hannah moved out the next day. I tried to talk to her, to explain that I was drunk, that it didn’t mean anything. It was a mistake. She did a great job of pretending that she didn’t hear me.
Her brother Michael came by to help box up all her stuff to take over to his house. He tried to make conversation with me. How were my parents? Was I still enjoying working at the bakery? I was so emotional, I couldn’t answer a single question. I just stood there with my arms wrapped around myself, tears running down my face as Hannah packed up.
I couldn’t think of anything other than the stupidity of my actions the night before. How do you begin fixing something so dreadful? Hannah couldn’t even look at me.
I couldn’t even look at me. I had glimpsed my reflection in the mirror that morning. My hair was tied in a ponytail, with half it falling out. My eyes were bloodshot and my nose red. My mascara was smudged under my eyes and halfway down my cheeks.
Nick was nowhere. I presumed that Hannah had kicked him out.
I had killed our friendship. Me and my inebriated lack of control. My selfish greed. I was a bitch. A traitor. Liar. Cheater. Hannah didn’t need to say these things to me; I knew how she must have felt.
Hannah called work on the Monday morning following the party and told our boss Craig that she was too sick to come in. On the Tuesday she came in and resigned.
Before she left, she hissed at me, “I want nothing more to do with you. Stay away from me. And stay away from Nick too.”
I was dumbfounded. How could Hannah forgive Nick, but not me? We were both responsible for what had gone on. We both knew it was wrong, but we did it anyway…probably would have done a hell of a lot more had Hannah not interrupted.
It occurred to me then that maybe Hannah and I weren’t as close as I thought. Our friendship had lasted years, but it can’t have been worth much to her if she was willing to disregard it so easily.
She was probably thinking the very same thing about me.
Now all these months later, I can see that Hannah’s hatred of me has not diminished. Nick said that she missed me, but her face told me otherwise.
In the mall, Hannah is staring at me. Then glaring at Nick. She has two steaming coffees in her hands, and her face is telling me that I might be wearing those coffees at any second.
Nick went to her, put his hands on her shoulders from behind and nudged her over to me.
“I want you two to make up. You’re both miserable. You don’t have to be.” His tone reminded me of the one used by my mother when she was trying to get me and my brother to play nice.
Hannah’s eyes were icy, her mouth in a stubborn line.
I looked at her stony face. “Call me when he’s gone,” I said to her.
Nick looked confused. “I thought you liked me.” He was trying to be playful, but it wasn’t working. His charm no longer swayed me.
I shrugged. “I thought I did, but it turns out I don’t.”
I knew one day Hannah would call, it was just a matter of time. Nick was not going to be around forever. I just had to hope that once he was gone, Hannah would realize that she missed me, like I missed her.
*~*~*~*
The End