Dear Kevin,

I am not sure if this letter will ever find it's way to your hands. I pray that it does. I know it's been a long time since you last heard from me. I know that I am probably the last person you would ever want to hear from. The way that I left things was unforgivable, this I know, and if my words get ripped up and shredded into a million pieces, I would certainly understand and not blame you at all. I guess it's foolish to even illusion myself with the chance of you reading this, or if it will even do any good, but still I feel I should let you know some things that I never told you, things that I keep inside for such a long time. And maybe just maybe you could begin to forgive me.

You once told me that your only wish was for me to open up to you. Well, although I know that now it's much too late for that I feel like it's something I need to do. I've lived the past nine years in a pool of regret, reliving the past. Maybe if I finally tell you all the things I never did, I could finally let go.
I'm not sure where to begin so I guess I'll start from the beginning.

I come from a family that was just not exactly molded after the Brady Bunch. It was an empty family. Talking about our feelings was never allowed. If we did we'd get chastised and put on a display while the rest of the family laughed and called out names. My father was always cold, I never did get a hug from him, even to the day he died, he never told me he loved me.

My favorite color is green, emerald green to be precise, my favorite song is Purple Rain by Prince. You used to tease me about that all the time. I have no sense of direction, if I'm driving to a new place I have to leave early because lord knows I'm going to get lost. I'm terrified of horses. I love sitting under my favorite tree, the weeping willow, while I write away, sometimes I write about my day, sometimes get lost in a fictional world I create with my pen, and then there a those days when I write about us. As I write this now I sit beneath it. It's a bright sunny day, kind of like the first day I met you.

I was born in South Texas and lived there most my life, that is until the day my family move to Kentucky. I was not particularly happy about the move, leaving my friends and the rest of my family back home was something I did not want to do, but at 16 I had no choice. I had to go where my parents saw fit.

It was my first day at a new school and I hadn't been the new girl since I was five. As I walked to school I felt my stomach in a knot. Not only was it a new school but a new entire state that I'd have to adapt to. The thought that I would have to make new friends was less than pleasing. I mean sure I was never Miss Popular in my old school but at least I did have a small group of loyal friends that surrounded me.

That whole first day was very weird and a bit off for me, but I think that was just me. I have a way of always managing to turn the best situation into an awkward one. God it was so long ago that I can barely remember it. I do know there was a pep rally that day because I remember thinking to myself of all days to start school it had to be freaking pep rally day. I was not to fond of that kind of scene, cheerleaders, jocks, and the dance team, not for me. I sat there bored out of my mind periodically checking the time, wondering when it was going to end.
The rest of that day is still a blur to me. The only thing I can remember was how great it felt when I heard the last bell of the day ring and the frustrating feeling of getting lost. I don't know how I managed, it was not a very big school, still I could not find my way around and by the time I made it to the parking area I had missed the bus.

"Great." I said to myself. "This is just great." Could I have called my mother to pick me up? Well, yes, but did I really want to? No. I knew I'd be facing a whole two hour sermon about responsibility and how I inconvenienced her. I decided to walk, no one at home would even notice the time I'd get there. I had made it to about half a mile into my walk when I heard a car slowing down.

"Need a ride?" It was the first time I heard your voice.
I turned and saw you in your red ford pick up. I normally do not accept rides from strangers but I recognized your face. I couldn't quite put my finger on where I'd seen you or how but I knew you were from school.

"Really? That would be so great." I couldn't believe my ears. What was I saying? I had wanted to say no thank you. I opened my mouth to say no but instead I accepted.

You reached over and opened the door for me. "Hop in."

As I got in I asked, "Are you sure it's okay, I mean I don't want to be an inconvenience or anything."

"No,it's no bother, don't worry, I'm headed out that way as well."

"Well thanks a lot." I kept stealing glances and forcing myself to remember where I saw you. Did I have a class with you? I couldn't remember.

"Missed the bus?

"Huh?" I had been trying so hard to remember that your question caught me of guard. Okay actually I wasn't paying attention.

"You missed the bus. I saw you running towards the bus as it was leaving." You chuckled. "I was like come on girl, you goin' miss the bus. I was hoping you'd make it, you know, routing for you."

I noticed a hint of insecurity in your voice and smiled, "well thanks for routing for me but I still missed it."

"Yeah I wanted to offer to take you home but I still had to help put back all the equipment and change out of uniform."

Uniform? That's right, that's where I'd seen you before, at the pep rally.

"Football player?"

"Yep, Captain."

Great and he's the captain too, captain of the very people I despise. It's too bad too, he was cute.

"So you're new right?" You asked.

"Can you tell?"

You nodded. "It's just that it's a pretty small town and well to be frank there aren't too many girls like you around here."

"Like me?" I squinted. What the hell's that suppose to mean? I think you noticed the offended look on my face.

"Well you know, you do kind of stick out like a sore thumb around here."

"Uh, huh, you're not making things any better." I laughed.

"No no, I mean, you- you're very pretty. And I love that nice tan you got there."

Good save but I was not entirely convinced just then.

"Where you from?"

"Texas."

"Really? What part?"

"The southern part."

"I have a brother that lives in Texas. In Abilene. You live near there?"

"No. I lived way down south near the border."

"Mexico? So you're Mexican then?"

I just nodded.

"Not too many Mexican girls down here, and I'm glad that I got the only one in my truck with me right now." You smiled at me.

"You like Mexican girls?"

"Love 'em, they're very beautiful and exotic. Well at least that's my opinion." You stared into my eyes piercing them with you emerald greens.

My face began to burn I looked down so that you couldn't see the bright apples on my cheeks.I thanked the heavens that we were nearing my house. "That's my street." I pointed to the road that led to my new home.

"Here? Really? I actually live about four blocks away."

"Really? Well I guess it is a small town after all."

Which one is it?" You asked as we drove into my street.

"The second to the last on the left." I pointed out.

"Well Kevin, thank you so much for the ride, it would have been a really long walk."

I jumped put of your truck and as I closed the door you said to me. "What are you doing this Friday? Any plans?"

"No, not that I'm aware of." I answered honestly.

"Homecoming's this Friday, I would love it if you'd go with me as my date."

"Um..." I stuttered. "Yeah see the thing is that...well..I-I..."

"It's okay if you don't want to go." You interrupted. I noticed the look of disappointment on your face. "You can say no."

"Oh no no, it's not that. Not that I don't want to... it's just that I'm not really into that sort of thing."

"Come on it'll be fun, I promise. Please."

You looked at me with those sad puppy dog eyes and I caved.

"Sure, I'll go."

"Alright, I'll see you then."

I watched as you drove away. My first day and I already have a date. I think I'm going to like this place after all.

I was especially nervous the days preceding Homecoming night. I'd never been to anything like that before and the pressure to find the right dress was overwhelming to say the least. I don't understand how girls do it. The hair, the nails, the dress, I was ready to call you up and cancel, but something told me not to.

I had almost been a week at my new school and still I hadn't made very many friends. There was this one girl who was nice enough to befriend me, unfortunately I had but one class with her. Aside from her all I had was you and you always did your best to make me feel welcome there. You introduced me to a few of your friends and although they were friendly I still always felt a little uneasy around them but I tried not to show it.

I quickly learned of the height of your popularity when I started noticing all the other girls in school would look at me with their ...well...less than pleased faces every time they saw me with you. I'd turn my back for a second and they'd be all over you like flies. I guess you had a fan club even way back then. How was I suppose to compete with that?

As I dressed for homecoming I contemplated that notion and I wondered what the hell was I getting myself into. Part of me was telling myself to run far away from you, and the other part only wanted nothing more than to be with you. Even though I didn't want to admit it to anyone least of all to myself, I knew since the first day I saw you, you had drawn me into you.

I was giving myself one final look in the mirror, nervously adjusting the straps of my black dress when I heard you knock on the door. One thing my mother was a great help and the best advice that she probably ever gave me was that you can never go wrong with the old classic little black dress. I ran to the door and saw you standing there in a crisp black shirt topped with a champagne colored sports coat. You smelled of juniper and musk, a raw combination that always reached in and sparked up unspeakable delight within me. I would sometimes have to bite down hard on my lip just to distract myself.

"You look...like an angel." Your sweet words mixed the yearning burning ignited by your cologne was too much for me.

I laughed nervously trying to ignore my raging hormones that were at that moment spiraling out of control. I felt ashamed.

"Is that for me?" I pointed the the box in your hand, trying to get my mind on anything else other that what I was feeling just then.

"Yes, for you." You opened the box and pulled out a corsage of mixed wild flowers of pinks and lilacs. "Hope you like it, I made it for you."

I'm sure the astonished look on my face did not escape your gaze. It was another first for me, one of the many I'd have with you. "You made it?"

Your cheeks turned red. Lowering your head you nodded bashfully. "Yeah, hope you don't mind. I sort picked the flowers from my mom's garden. "

 "Really?" You gave me another nod. "No one's ever done anything like that for me. Thank you, I love it!" Your head shot back up and you gave me a smile of relief.


 
I could feel all eyes on us as we walked into the gym. I was so nervous that I didn't even notice the loud music, nor did I heed any attention to the decor. It wouldn't be until years later that I would fully appreciate the beauty of it all. You knew from then on that school dances and parties were not my pleasure, but you tried so hard to make that night wonderful, and I know I never told you but you did just that. It was one of the most memorable moments of my life, I guess I should have let you known that then instead of keeping it to myself as if it were a shameful secret.

I did have fun taking those homecoming pictures with you. I was a little embarrassed at first but no matter how bad things got you always made me fell better. Like I was right where I belong.

 "Wanna dance?" I was never one for dancing. I was horrible at it.

"Um...yeah...Kevin, I don't think you want to do that."

"What dance with you, why wouldn't I?"

"Well," I sighed. "The best way I can explain this is...you know that guy from footloose? The guy Kevin Beacon was trying to teach how to dance?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah. That's me."

You laughed so hard I thought you were going to wet yourself. "Really? That bad?"

I shamefully nodded.

"Well I won't make you do it then but I am gonna have to teach you sometime."

An hour into homecoming, it happened, that magical moment. I just don't know what came over me. I cursed the dj for playing that song. I heard a lot of the other students all boo and cry in disappoint. I could tell it wasn't a popular among your school, but I couldn't help it, as soon as I heard the music start I jumped out of my seat. The spontaneity of it startled you.

"Are you okay." You asked me.

"Dance with me."

You looked at me puzzled. "But I thought you don't-"

"Yeah I know but I love that song." I gave your sleeve a gentle tug.

"Purple Rain?"

"Yeah, it's my favorite."

You raised your right eyebrow. "You like it?"

I bobbed my head like a little girl full of joy on Christmas morning. You smiled and got out of your seat. You took hold of my arm and led me to the dance floor. Now I could tell it really was not a popular song, we were the only ones dancing but I didn't care. You held me close and I looked deep into you eyes, they were the purest green I'd ever seen, with a underlying hint of a sparkle, and it was the moment that something inside of me told me I'd be yours forever. Whether I'd ever want to admit it to myself or not. And then it happened...

"Only want to see you underneath the purple rain..."

You pulled me in closer, bent down and place you lips upon mine. Gently, you kissed me and my heart cried. I parted my lips and welcomed your sweet tongue in my mouth. I held on to you like it was the last time I'd ever see you. I was in heaven as we shared our first kiss there on the empty dance floor in front of the entire school.

The best 30 seconds of my life until a teacher had to break us up in the middle of our dance. She pulled us apart and began to give us a lecture on public displays of affection and how they were strictly prohibited on campus. I paid her no attention but as we walked off the dance floor I noted the look on nearly every girls face and I knew I had just become the most hated girl in school.

After Mrs. Wilder's scolding we decided we didn't want to be there anymore so we left the dance. You took me to this nice little hamburger place that you told me was one of the best places around town to get a burger. One bite told me you were right. It was the best damn burger I'd ever have, even to this day, nothing compares to it.
You asked me what my home town was like, if it was anything like Lexington. I said no, not at all.
"What's different about it?"

"Well for one there aren't very many horses there."

"No? So you've never ridden one I take?"

"Nope."

"Never?"

You looked in disbelief and shook my head as I slurped up my cherry coke.

"Have you ever even seen one?"

I laughed out loud. "No, not close anyways."

You cradled you head in your hands and shook your head. "Honey you don't know what you're missing, I'll have to take you horseback ridding someday." You paused for a minute, just looking at me with a huge smile on your face. "So lets see, I have too teach you to dance, and ride a horse, what else do am I going to have to do with you."

I let out a mischievous laugh. "Swim." I said in a tiny voice.

You laughed. "I'm looking forward to teaching you new things." You said devilishly.

My cheeks turned bright red, not sure if I was reading too much into it or you were actually implying something more devious.

That night I had a hard time finding sleep. Thoughts of you kept popping into my head. I had barely meet you and I didn't really know much about you. All I knew was that your were a senior football player at my new school, had incredibly gorgeous eyes, an amazing kisser, and I was really beginning to like you. I tried to convince myself that I was experiencing was merely my first case of infatuation, and I wasn't sure how I was going to handle that. I did know that I loved being around you and all I wanted was to spend more time with you.

The first summer I spent in Lexington was unforgettable. I was glad school was over and I didn't have to deal with jealous girls. The day after homecoming you asked me to go steady with you, even though I thought things might have been moving much too fast, but isn't that how all high school relationships go? Fast paced? I accepted and instantaneously I'd been turned from a nobody to the one of the most popular girl in school and subsequently the most loathed as well, all because I was with you.

I had known that my ethnic background was what most likely intrigued you most about me. I was grateful all that negativity was behind me and with you graduating I felt things would be better at school the following year.

The highlight of that summer was the fourth of July. It had surprises in store for me that I could not even have envision in my wildest dreams. The day started off with you waking me up early in the morning. You came tapping on my window at 6:30 a.m.. I've never been a morning person but when I saw those emerald gems peeking at me through the glass window I smile, couldn't have asked for a better way to wake up so early.

I opened the window, you leaned in and gave me a quick kiss.

"Good morning."

"Morning." I said in a raspy, grumpy, but loving voice, well, as loving as can be at 6 a.m.

"Get dressed." You whispered. "I wanna show you something."

"What? What it is? What do you want to show me?" The excited and anxiously impatient little girl in me came out.

You let out a faint chuckle. "Just get dressed. Come on, I'll tell you went we get there. We got a lot to do today."

"Okay, I'll meet you outside in a bit."

Eagerly I pulled the first thing I could find on and ran outside.
 




"Where are we going? And why can't I see?" I asked you as I sat blind folded in the passengers seat of your Chevy truck.

"I already told you, it's a surprise, so stop asking 'cause I'm not going to tell you."

It was beginning to get much warmer by the time we had reached our destination though I had know clue where that was. I felt the cab shift as you stepped out. Moments later you came to my side, opened the door and took hold of my hand. Carefully, you guided me out of the truck and to my surprise. I wasn't sure where you were taking me but I got an idea as soon as I took a whiff of manure. You took off the piece of cloth that covered my eyes, and my suspicions where correct. I stood there in the middle a barn with this big monstrosity of a horse looking at me.

I couldn't help but smile, I'd never seen a horse that close up before. I had always wanted to though, and you made that happen for me.

"You can pet him, he don't bite."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yep, he's friendly."

I nervously reached out my hand and slowly place it on his face. "What's his name?"

"Monkey."

I laughed. "What kind of name is that for a horse." I said catching my breath between words.

"Hey don't laugh, I was three when I got him that was all I could say at the time and I can't change it now. It would be too confusing for him."

"I'm teasing, Monkey's a nice name."

"Wanna take him for a ride?" You asked.

"No." Secretly, I wanted to but I was too scared.

That was me back then, always afraid of trying new things, or... worse, actually enjoying something... or even much worse... letting someone know that I was enjoying it. Whatever it may be.

"Come on, it'll be fun."

I tried to talk my way out of it but before I knew it, you were already mounted on him and pulling me up. I hugged on tight to you as we rode off. It was an incredible feeling, the movement of such a strong animal beneath us. I snuggled my head into your back and enjoyed the moment, taking in your sent, feeling the warmth of your body. The moment just seemed so right, so...perfect. I could have stayed out there with you forever. As silly as it sounds, I prayed that I could.

When we got back to the stable you asked me if I enjoyed myself. I answered with a yes as I stroked Monkey. He seemed like such a nice horse, calm, serene. I don't think even you would have ever imagine what happened next. I still don't know why and I guess I'll never know why but Monkey started to get a little fuzzy. I tried to calm him with reassuring words and a gentle touch. That's when he bit me.

"Ow" I screamed when I felt the pain of his teeth sink into my skin.

You grabbed me by the arm and pulled me away from him. With narrowed eyes you looked at Monkey and scolded him. "No! Monkey! Bad!" I'm not sure if he understood you or not, but he did lower his head and took a step back.
You looked at my hand with what I perceived to be a mixture of concern and guilt in you eyes.

"Lets get that cleaned up."

You washed my hand in warm water before pouring some hydrogen peroxide. I flinched and pulled my hand back before it even made contact. I was always such a baby about things like that, that hasn't changed.

You chuckled. "Come one now."

"No," I cried. "It's going to hurt."

"It won't hurt," you held my wrist tight, "we don't want that to get infected, then we'll have to amputate it."

The look of horror on my face cause you to laugh again. I reluctantly allowed you to pour the cold liquid. I screamed, "Ow, it burns, it burns."

"It's okay now, it's okay." You blew on my skin. The cool touch of your breath soothed the fire in my hand. I was in heaven. "See your fine."

I sniffled, "You...you said it wouldn't hurt."

"Well yeah, in comparison to the horse bite." You looked at my now bandaged hand...sadness in your eyes. "I'm so sorry, he's never done anything like that before. I don't know what came over him."

I could not bear to see the hurt in your eyes, blaming yourself for it. I never wanted you to be sad especially not over me...over my own stupidity.

"Well, I guess I'm not much of a horse whisperer huh." I tried to make you laugh and you did but it was a small little laugh with a touch of blue and guilt.
 
 



That night you drove us to the fair. We parked close enough to the watch the fireworks but far enough to where we could be alone. We laid there in the bed of your truck, on a warm blanket looking up at the pretty colors dancing in the sky. Wrapped in each others arms, not a care in the world. You brushed my hair back and kissed me on my cheek.

"I'm really sorry about earlier." You whispered as you kissed my boo boo.

I smiled and turned around. With my back touching your chest, now in spoon position, you hugged me tighter and nuzzled your face in my hair. Your lips made contact with my skin and began a trail of tender kisses from my neck down to my shoulder. Gently suckling on my sensitive skin. I moaned softly. The cool summer breeze retraced the still moist path causing a string of tingles, as you found you way to my ear, and delicately caressed it with your tongue.

The burning sensation was more than I could take as I began to feel things that until that night I'd never felt. You somehow always managed to do that, introduce me to feelings and things I never had experienced before.
I turned back to face you and kissed you with such ardent fever, crushing your lips...forcing them to part and invite me in. I couldn't believe what I was doing, allowing myself such behavior I didn't even think I was capable of.

I could hear the sounds of fireworks going off and the occasional faint laughter. We should have stopped right there, before things went any further. I knew there was a possibility of being seen, but I didn't care and the idea of getting caught only added to the excitement.

I crawled to you, covering your body with my own, straddled upon your lap, kissing you with enflamed urgency taking its residence in my lips, I took you in. Grinding my hips against the thick of your jeans, I heard I soft groan escape your breath as you submitted to my advances.

Momentarily I indulged in the sweet victory of control I had over you, but it was short lived. A raw need was building up inside you and I knew I was only fanning the fire. Too quickly the tables turned. You pulled me closer to you with brute force and pressed you body up against mine.

We had lost all self control. The sweet, shy girl and the kind southern gentleman disappeared and it their places were a couple of lunatics mad with a flaming lust and need for fleshly delights.

In one swift movement, you rolled me over to my back and pinned me down. I wrapped a leg around your waist with my summer dress hiked up to my thighs, you pressed you body deeper into me. I could feel your arousal though your jeans, and I wanted nothing more.

My neck being ravage by savage kisses prompted me to lift myself up more and rub myself harder against the coarse material of denim. You roughly pulled down the top of my dress exposing my right breast, took it in your mouth. I moaned louder. Sucking harder on my nipple your reached between us sliding your hand between my legs. I felt your finger enter my most sensitive area. I cried in pleasure as you jerked you finger in and out of me.

You couldn't take it anymore. Neither could I. You withdrew you finger and unfastened you belt, the sound of you zipper coming undone drove me to a new level of insanity, all the while you were still kissing me madly. You reached for my hips locking your fingers around the white cotton fabric.

"Anne?" You never said my name more lovely than you did that night. "Are you sure you want this?" You asked in a heated whisper.

There was nothing I wanted more at that instant than to feel the full force of your body claiming me, and honestly, I'm not sure if you would have even been able to stop. Not that I would have wanted you to.

I pushed my hips forward...harder into you and barely managed to let out a yes.

That was all the invitation you needed. You pulled down my panties and plunged your hard member into me. The pain and pleasure fused scream that escaped my lips was drowned by the explosion of the fireworks.
"Are you okay?" You paused.

"Yes." I gasped. "Please Kevin, don't stop." I begged.

You dove deeper inside of me. I let out a series of moans, each one louder than before as you picked up the pace with each movement. Feeling you there so close to me in such an intimate place, well, I wasn't sure how to handle it. I felt a sudden need, a longing, to cry. A pain stabbing violently at my heart, only it didn't hurt.

Confusing huh? Yeah, I know. Try understanding that at sixteen. I didn't know what it was then and it scared me. I knew if I thought of it any more, I'd probably end up crying, rather than to give into that, I gave into to the pleasures my body was undergoing and blocked out all else.

We continued to make love underneath the array of bright lights flying in the air. The closer we reached our climax the harder and faster you'd thrust, pinning me deeper into the surface of your truck. I dug my nails on your shirt and pulled on the fabric, moaning into your ear as I came. You soon followed suit, grunting as the ecstasy of your release coursed though.

We laid there the rest of the night, with my head resting on your chest. The steady movement of your breathing rocked me gently to sleep.

Spring break

Spring break; I was saddened at first when I heard you were going on a family trip to see your brother for his birthday. I didn't want you to leave, I'd miss you too much, but I said not a word of this to you. Just like I was afraid to let anyone know my happiness, I also feared to let my sadness show. I don't know if you noticed the subtle smile across my face when you surprised me by inviting me. You must have. It was then when things took a turn for us.

That warm Texas night at your brother's party we snuck off  to be alone.

You whispered into my ear, "Come on, I have something to show you."

I discreetly looked back at the guests to see if anyone noticed us slipping away from the party. We made out like ninjas sneaking away, no one even noticed. You held my hand in you rough callused hand, hmmm those were the hands a a working man. I used to love the way they felt on my skin.

I asked, "Where are you taking me?"

"Ssshhh, it's a surprise, just trust me. Okay." You said as we entered the woods behind the house. "Close your eyes and just trust me."

I trusted you and did as you asked. I kept my eyes close and let you guide me blindly into the darkened woods.

"Are we there yet?" I asked trying to annoy you intentionally.

You chuckled and said, "Almost, sweetie, just a few more paces."

You were right, I counted them, one, two, three, four. At six you stopped and I nearly crashed into you. But you said not a word. I could feel you reach your hand into your pocket, heard the jingle of your keys as you pulled them out. "Okay open 'em."

I slowly opened my eyes and for the next two seconds my heart stopped beating. You stood there will your tiny silver flash light attached to your keychain directing it to one specific spot. It was one of the sweetest things your or anyone had ever done for me. You always seemed to do that. I traced my finger over the heart that you had carved into a willow tree as you read out loud the names inside J.G.G. & Munchky. I was overcome by the warm fuzzies, remembering the day we came up with those stupid names for each other.

We had gone to the movie rental store. I had wanted to see Field of Dreams and you were off in the horror section when I finally spotted it against the wall. I just had to be on the highest shelf didn't it. I had tried reaching for it, stretching out my arm as far as I could, standing on tippy toes, and by the time you'd come back with your slasher film, you'd come to find me jumping up and down.

With my back towards you, I couldn't see, if you were laughing at me I'd would have been in silence because I certainly didn't hear you, I didn't even know you were there until I saw your hand grab the exact copy I was so desperately trying to get to.

I blushed when our eyes met and gave you a weak smile. I could tell you wanted to laugh but you didn't. You didn't say a word, but I knew you wanted to. I knew you were holding it in. Your face had turned red a now I knew you were fighting  the urge harder.

Halfway to the register, when I thought I was in the clear, you said it... "Come on munchkin let's go." Followed by a string of uncontrollable laughter coming form the both of us.

"Awe, don't laugh at me." I pouted.

"Oh, I'm sorry, " you said "I know...It's not your fault your short."

I smacked you on your arm. "Yeah well I don't see it that way. I like to think it's not that I'm short your just tall."

"Uh huh," you rolled your gems "Come on Munchky."

My mouth opened as wide my eyes. "Oh, I'm right behind you Mr. Jolly Green Giant."

You never failed to surprise me with sweet details like that. It was one of the things I adored most about you. That moment will stay etched in my heart like it was yesterday. Preserved for the rest of my years.

 

 Remember that night we sat on the pier by your daddy's house? The stars danced bright around the glow of the moon. In the quiet of the night there all alone, our feet dipped into to a small body of water that for that moment belonged to us. My toe tips barley reached the cold water.

A sudden breeze sent chills throughout my body. You took me into you arms and held on tight to keep me warm. We were always crazy like that. Leave it to us to be outside on a night like that with our bear feet submerged into ice.

It was neither too hot nor too cold that night, it was my favorite weather still not the best idea to go skinny dipping either, that night, that October night. Yes it was your 21st birthday.

You leaned into me and gently pressed you lips against mine with fingers intertwined in my hair, you pulled me closer as you claimed my mouth with your own. I parted my lips allowing you to invade me with the warmth of your tongue and you held on so tight as if you were afraid the wind would steal me away from you.

I allowed this attention for as long as I could until I could bear no more. I placed both hands on your chest and pushed you away, breaking the kiss.

You looked at me through glass eyes and asked me, "What's wrong?"It wasn't the first time I had done that. I'd done it many times and each time you would always ask me what was wrong. I never did you an answer.

Avoiding your question I looked up to the stars ,I asked you to make your birthday wish. You stayed quiet for several minutes. I was beginning to wonder if you had even heard me at all. Just as I was about to ask you a second time, you cleared your throat and said to me in a soft whisper, "The only thing I wish for, the only thing I want, only thing I have ever wanted is for you to open up to me. That would be the greatest gift you could ever give to me."

My eyes fell to my toes drawing circles in the moon glistening water. I had nothing to say. I knew you were disappointed. And if I had known that was the last time I would see you, I would have granted you that wish. So tonight after nearly I decade I write to you and I hope you will accept that gift.

I'm only sorry that it came way too late, that in my inexperience I let you slip away. Please know that if I could do it all over again I would have give you what you wanted. I would have given you everything that I kept hidden in my heart.

I would have told you that being with you was the first time I ever really felt happy. I would have told you that every time you kissed me I felt the earth spin, and every thing that was missing in my life showed its presence then, I felt it harder to breath, and all of that was too much for me to grasp at the time.

 It frightened me, I didn't know how to feel or show love, it was never shown to me before. And all I could do was pull away because if I didn't, I felt like I might die.

All these years, I held on to your every word and every memory we created together and I curse myself for being so foolish. But all the would haves and could haves won't change a thing now.

They say everything happens for a reason and that in the end, things always work out for the best. Looking at the way things turned out I say it's true. I can see that you're happy and in love, now I can let you go. I hope, now that you know the truth, you can forgive me, and most of all, I can begin to forgive myself.

                                                                                                               Love Always, Anne