It was a hot July afternoon, the rays of the sun burned through the fabric of Celine's cotton white tank top and denim shorts and there was not a breeze in sight. She carried small cardboard boxes three at a time. She'd let Joshua take care of the larger ones. She slammed the car door shut with her foot. Carefully making her way to the front door of their new home. It was by far the worst day to pick for moving.

"Ugh." She placed the boxes gently down. "I need a break." She called out to Joshua who was coming back outside to bring in another load. She tried to look at him though the sun shone bright behind him blinding her. She placed her hand over her above her eyes trying to block the sun and squinted. She couldn't make him out but he was still such a sight. Tall, dark and handsome with broad shoulder, slight muscular build. Yep, straight out of a story book.

"Go ahead honey." He returned from yet another trip and handed her a cold bottle of water. "Here ya go honey."

"Ah, thank you baby." She opened it and place the bottle to her lips. The icy cold water hit the spot, quenching the thirst that this hot God forsaken sun had thrust upon her.

"Why don't you go inside, sit down, get off your feet. I'll finish up here. We're almost done anyway, just a few more boxes."

"No, no. I'm wanna help you finish, after all like you said it just a few more boxes. I still got some energy in me left."

"If you insist."

Celine and Joshua Evans had been dated for nearly most their lives. High school sweethearts. They had met through mutual friends when they were sixteen and had instantaneously taken a liking to each other. He was just about the sweetest guy you could have ever known. Nothing like the any of the other guys Celine had known from school.

The summer after graduation was the hardest for both of them. With Josh being accepted into an ivy league college, he feared he'd lose her if he left her behind. Though she couldn't bear to be apart from him, Celine urged him to go, and on that last summer night in tears she had promised to wait for him.

So here they are years later married and moving into their band new home. Josh had landed himself a new job which require them to relocate to California. Leaving her family and friends behind she followed her husband.

Celine pulled down the sheets to join Josh who was already laying in bed reading a copy of Stephen King's Bag of Bones. He watched her hop into to bed as he laid the book on the nightstand without even taking his eyes off her. She hand no idea why he liked to read that stuff. She couldn't stand it, especially when the sun went down and all the lights were turned off. Her little mind would start imagining things the entire night until al last she'd fall asleep, only to have the scenes of a horror plot played in her dreams.

He wrapped his arms around from behind her and gently placed a kiss upon her temple.

"Thank you." He whispered softly in her eyes as he left a trail of kisses at the back of her neck.

Celine giggled. "For what?"

He played with the string of her sweatpants. "For everything, for your willingness to accommodate me and my needs. I know you would have preferred to stay back home, you always were a small town girl."

"I know how much this job means to you Josh. What kind of wife would I be if I didn't follow you and stand by my husband."

"That's why I love you so much. You've always been so thoughtful."

Josh turned off the light on the nightstand and in the darkness nuzzled her face in her neck. "And thank you for the other thing too. For still loving me, in spite of everything. I know this last year has been...difficult for the both of us."

"Honey?" Josh whispered. "Are you still awake?"

Celine laid on her end of the bed eyes wide open staring at the darkness said not a word.

"Goodnight baby." He place a tender kiss one last time.

She didn't know why she didn't answer him, why she had let him believe she was asleep. It wasn't something she normally did, usually it was only when she was exhausted but lately it was occurring more frequently. She would just lie there in bed recalling the events of the past year. Comparing them to all the years prior. Things used to be so simple back then, when did life get so complicated?

He woke up for the fifth night in a row in some stranger's bed. He got up and as he dressed he saw in the moonlight the face of a woman he'd only know for a couple of hours. Her name was Brenda or Brandy, he didn't remember. It didn't really matter to him it was all the same. All the Linda's, Mandys, Amys, Brandys, they were all the same.

Sure they were as hot as they come and he had many fun nights with them but they most certainly were not the type of women Nick would ever take seriously. Not that he was looking for a serious relationship. He'd tried that once or twice before and it didn't turn out quite so well.

He tugged at the bottom of his shirt as the thought of those two women from his past who had hurt him. He swallowed the knot down his throat and shook his head. No, he was not going to do this to himself again. He was not going to ever let this happen again.

Nick grabbed his shoes at hurried out the door being as quiet as he could. He hated when they woke up. He feared it because he never knew what the reaction was going to be. Some were cool with just a one night stand while others cried, some got pissed and then there were the ones that caused a scene. He tried his best to choose his women carefully and for the most part he was good at picking the easy ones. The ones who were down for a good time, but occasionally he misjudged and got himself a nice girl that was actually looking for some sort of deep connection. A connection that this blue eyes beauty was not willing to connect.

He ran his finger through his blonde lock as he walked down the empty hotel hallways. He slammed his hand on the down button startling a little girl in her pjs and messy hair.The little girl gasped as she saw this man violently push the elevator button. Nick's head jerk toward the girl.

"Sorry," he smiled charmingly. "I didn't know anyone was out here. Aren't you a little young to be wandering around here all alone?"

The young child, who couldn't have been more than six, only smiled back at him. She wrapped her fingers in her shirt, tilted her head and ran away. Nick's smile faded quickly, taking over in it's place stood a more hardened distant look. The look that child had given him was all too familiar. In fact, the whole scene that has just taken place before him had a sense of familiarity to it.

It was her again, rotting through his brain. Pounding through his memories, the harder he fought to keep them buried the more they found their way to the surface of mind. Everything lately reminded him of the past. When it wasn't one it was the other. Polar opposites from each other, from two different worlds but both shared two things in common. He had loved them both at one time or another and both had broken his heart.

Celine stood in the middle of the kitchen slicing lemons on the granite top island. She carefully picked out the seeds and tossed them to the side. Citrus fluid dripping down her hands as she squeezed the fruit's contents into a crystal clear glassed pitcher.

It had been two months since their official move and Celine was having difficulty adjusting to her new surroundings. She knew her deep seeded roots in a small sized county would interfere with the new life she and her husband had planned to make in this sunny California home. Since their arrival their arrival, Joshua had been deeply engulfed in his work, rarely did they ever see each other much less speak to one another.

Her unfortunate luck in finding a job was worrying her and bringing her down some. On many occasions she had tried to explain to her husband of her feelings and although he had been supportive and tried to reassure her, his responses did nothing to lift his troubled wife's spirits. He did not know what if felt like; the frustration of working hard most of your life to get a good education to do something you love so much, something that you always dreamed of doing, only to end up no better than you were before you started. It's like you're at the bottom He'd repeatedly told her that she need not worry about working, that he could take care of her. There was no need to work, he'd tell her. He just didn't understand.

This was not the way she had envisioned her life to be at all. Were all those years of school; late nights cramming for exams wasted? It couldn't be. This wasn't the way it was suppose to be. Had all the sacrifices she had made  been in vain? No. She put in too much to throw in the towel now, she would not resign to a life a inadequacy. She was not going to be just a housewife. Though there was nothing wrong with that, her mother had been one herself and she had been content; lived a happy life. It's just some women were meant to be housewives and others weren't. Celine was not. That was not the life for her. There was something more for her...something she needed. For now, she'd have to wait until she got her break.

The only comfort she found to sooth the disparity she was facing was her neighbor Kimberly. A nice single mother in her late thirties from Ohio who had moved down here many years ago . She had married young. Into only her first semester in college when she had first met her now ex husband; still in her teens when they were married. At thirty seven, Celine thought she was still young but so wise and full of advice. She was grateful to have met Kimberly. It was so far the only thing good to come out of this move.

She poured the freshly made lemonade into two iced glassed and walked around the island toward the kitchen table with the glasses and two coasters in her hands.

"Here you go." She offered her new best friend a drink.

Kimberly accepted the clinking glass, took a sip and placed it down upon the coaster. "So how's everything Miss Celine?"

"Good." She lied.

Kimberly looked at the woman sitting across her. She had known her for just a few weeks but already she knew her well. Well enough to know when Celine was trying to pull a wool over her eyes.

"Celine? Seriously? Are we going to take it there?" The brunette questioned.

"What do you mean?"

She knew it was a waste of time to try to deceive her knew found friend. Somehow this woman always knew when she was trying to hide something. It was like she knew her better than she knew herself.

"Fine." She gave in. "I've just been a little blue lately; been feeling like a complete failure. I keep going to all these different places putting in applications here and there. I've tried all the hospitals and clinics. They all tell me the same thing; 'we'll call you,' or 'you'll hear from us soon.' Even the free based clinics. Free, where you know there is always a need for nurses, and I still can't get a job. I didn't know it was going to be this hard. I thought once I finished school, everything would come along. I'd get this nice job, but no. It's not like that, not like anything I had imagined."

"It never is Celine. We always delusion ourselves with fantasies of what our lives will be like but it's never like that. I hate to get all Sunday morning on you but God has a plan for everyone, your life is mapped out for you and it may not always seem like the road you want to take but you got to just hang in there until you see the picture clearer."

Celine sighed and dropped her gazed to her citrus drink.

"Just hang in there honey, you'll get your opportunity soon."

"I hope so. Staying in this house alone while Josh is at work and not doing anything is driving me crazy."

"Maybe you should get another job anywhere. Temporarily at least to keep you from pulling you hair out of you head, until you get a call back from a prestige hospital." Kim smiled. "It might be good for you."

Celine nodded. Kimberly might just be right. She should find another job to keep her mind off her anxiety, but on the other hand, she feared if she did she would get caught up and trapped in a dead end job, and her dream of being a nurse would fade. It was the very reason why she hadn't done so already. Still she knew she had to do something, she couldn't just sit there and wait for an opportunity to come knocking on her door. What if it never came. Then she'd be stuck becoming what she did not want to be. She weighed the options in her head, dead end job or housewife?

Nick groggily awoke to another day reaching its evening. He peeked through narrow pristine blue eyes at the glowing red numbers by his bed; 5:30 p.m. There was still just enough sun in the sky to creep though the crevices of hanging drapes to blind those delicate eyes.

 Instantaneously, the second the light greeted him, he fastened his lids tight. The sudden movement caused a sharp pain to trail from his temples to his forehead. He dropped his forearm over his face allowing the pressure to momentarily alleviate the throbbing pain, a remnant of last nights untimely events. The blue eyed blonde remained lying in bed for another half hour before dragging himself out of bed.

At the pace of an old man of eighty, limping and stumbling, rubbing areas of old injuries, he  made his way to the bathroom. Groaning, too tired to bathe and still feeling sticky from the previous night, he reluctantly forced himself  in the shower and that second he felt the moisture, he was glad he had done so. He stood there forgetting all about time and the events prior, soaking and taking great delight underneath the warm water cascading down his body. He winced as its pressure met his still closed eyes and jerked his head to the side to avoid any further contact.

He heard the doorbell ring as he shut off the water and hurried out. With an oversized towel wrapped around his pelvis, he gave a quick look in the mirror, focusing in on the big purple sphere that enclosed his right eye and the cut on his now swollen lip. What are the odds?

How had last night gone so terribly wrong? Could it have possibly been any worse? Not only was he not able to get his carnal fix last night, but he also got struck in his gorgeous face, twice! How was it in any way his own fault? How was he to know that the big busted blonde he was trying to bed had a boyfriend? A large sized, muscled, steroid driven boyfriend that just so happened to be the bouncer of that particular establishment.

He'd never been tossed out of a club before last night, no one would ever even think about doing such a thing, he's Nick Carter, but hitting on an employee's girl might just do the trick.

It was definitely not his night, he'd been tossed out light yesterdays garbage, nearly rendered unconscious, his ego knocked down a few pegs, and on top of that, he didn't get laid.

The bell rang twice more before he reached the door.

"Jesus! Nick what the hell happened to you?" He was greeted by a blonde with eyes that matched his own.

Nick stood back allowing his sister to come in. "Nothing, what do you want?"

"I've been trying to get a hold of you for days, you don't answer my calls. I haven't heard from you. What the hell is going on with you?" She asked.

"Leslie," He squinted, "please...not so loud...indoor voice..."

Still in nothing but a towel, Nick climbed up the stairs to his bedroom with Leslie on his trail.

"Nick, I'm worried about you." She said as set foot in his room.

Nick looked back at his little sister and wrinkled his forehead, holding his hand out and stopping her in her tracks.

"Woman, do you mind? He motioned to his towel reminding her of his nude body. "I'd like to get dressed if you don't mind."

"Ughh." Leslie back tracked and waited just outside of his room leaned up against the wall with crossed arms. She called to him, "You've been going out too much, partying all night, sleeping all day, drinking and lord know what else you been doing."

In his room, Nick pulled up a pair of black denim pants and secured them to his lean body with his leather studded belt and plopped himself down on the cushion of his mattress, holding his in his hands a faded Metallica t-shirt. He didn't even know that he still had it. He just started at it as his sister went on an on, blabbering about some nonsense he had no desire to hear.

It used to be her favorite shirt.. His grip tightened as he remembered. He made a quick mental note to get rid of that thing later and scolded himself for not having done so already, but for now he'd just toss it to the side.

"Seriously, Nick, I'm worried about you... we all are."

"Who's we?" He asked as he rummage through his closet to find a more suitable shirt.

"Me...Aaron...Angel...BJ..the guys...everybody...dad....mom." She trailed off at the last two.

Fastening the buttons of his black Dolce & Gabbana shirt, he walked by her and down the stairs again unaffected by her presence almost as if he was trying to ignore her, or possibly run away from her.

 "First of all ,I don't need anybody worrying about me, okay? Second, Aaron and BJ got no say in this cause they do the same shit, even worse. And third don't get me started on mom and dad, especially mom," he explained, putting emphasis on his last words.

"Where are you going dressed like that? And what happened to your face?" She interrogated.

"Nothing, it was just a little misunderstanding last night, and don't worry where I am going."

"A misunderstanding huh" Nick nodded. " Uh huh, and you're going out again tonight? What happened Nicky, didn't you have enough last night? Or do you want another black eye to match the one you already got?" So much for her indoor voice.

"Leslie! I'm not going out tonight. Do you really think I want to be seen in public like this huh? Do you?" He asked.

"Then why are you so dressed up for?" She asked unconvinced.

"Ahhh hush, maybe I was gonna bring a girl over. You don't know."

"With a black eye, Nick, really? You really want a  girl to see you got your ass kicked?"

"Why not? I'll play the sympathy card, 'oh what happened, ooooh you poor baby'" he mimicked in a girls voice. "She'll be putty in my hands."

"Uhhh, Nick you're such a pig, can't believe we're from the same gene pool."

"But you still love me anyway, don't you."

Leslie looked through the big blackish purple bruise and into her brother's eyes that mirrored her own. "Would I be here if I didn't?" She sighed.

A tinge of pain swept through her. She hated seeing him hurt, hated seeing him hurt himself, and what pained her most was that she just didn't seem to be getting through to him.

Celine cleared the counter top wiping away pastry crumbs and coffee rings. She had taken her dear friend's advice and found herself a job, temporarily at least. Temporary-she hoped. The risk of her ending up stuck there for the rest of her life terrified her but she knew she had to do something. The silence and repetitive life of a housewife just seemed so mundane.

On the other hand she prayed something better would come along , and soon. Working at a small cafe, although sure beat staying at home any day, was just a step above domestic engineering. The politically correct term used for it now a days, but sugar coat it all you want it didn't change Celine's feelings towards it.

She was thankful that her new job gave her a good excuse to get out of the house. Watching the growing gap between her and her husband widening each day, and not being able to do anything about it was driving her crazy.

As Celine took her break, she stared at a young couple sitting at a near by table, their hands clamped together, fingers intertwined together, gazing into each others eyes like they were lost in each other. The boy looked at his date as if she was the only living thing on the planet. He had a look in his eyes that Celine knew very well, and she could imagine how that girl must be feeling. He looked at her once that way. She had felt that fire once before.

She loved her husband very much but even a blind man could see that things had changed drastically over the past few years, especially when things blew over back home. Josh getting that promotion at that exact time was a blessing, it gave them a chance to get away from it all and just start all over.

That's what Celine had believe when she encouraged Joshua to take the job. She had honestly believed that things would be much better and all their troubles would disappear when instead, with his demanding job, things had begun to escalade.

She let out a heavy sigh and prayed yet another prayer that should would find a better job soon, and maybe things would be better. Maybe it was just seeing the way her husband had it all together, career wise, always seeming important and having something to do, people depending on him, that was killing her. That was something that she wanted for herself. Maybe she was turning into a little green eyed monster, after all, she worked just as hard and Josh did to learn her trade, so why did he get all the glory, and why was she left with nothing but an empty house to attend to.

"Oh well," she said silently to herself, "back to coffee cups and Biscottis.." Biscotti, huh. Damn somebody knock me on the head with one please.

She laughed at herself. Had things escaladed that far? Had they gotten so bad that she was actually hoping to meet her end by a pastry?

She continued to giggle as she envisioned the scene in her mind, she could see the headlines already, Death by Biscotti. 

Her husband would never live it down.

 

Even though she wasn't exactly content at work, the end of the day was bittersweet. She was glad it was over and going home, but at the same time going home was maybe the bitter half.

She got in her car, out on her Bluetooth and turned on her phone. Kimberly's child custody hearing was today. She had wanted to be there but since she had just started working earlier that week, Kimberly insisted that she not miss a day on her account, and the Cafe's strict policy on cell phone usage left her dying to talk to her friend, to see what had happened.

The nerve of that man, wasn't it bad enough that she left her for another woman, now he wanted to take her children too.

Celine noted the new messages icon on her screen and dialed her voicemail.

"You have three new messages. To hear your-" Celine cut off the computerized recording and skipped to hear her messages.

"Celine, hey it's me, Josh. Listen honey something came up at work... a major emergency..."

So what else was new? She thought as she heard her husbands voice explaining.

"... and I have to fly to Vancouver today... I'll probably be gone by the time you get this. I'm sorry babe. I'll call you tonight...it..it..this was...so unexpected. Anyways I love you and I should be home next week..."

Next week?  She sighed and skipped to the next message.

"Celine, it Kim call me back when you get this please, okay bye honey." Short and simple. She said nothing about the court hearing but the tone in her voice was more than enough to tell Celine that it went well, as it should have.

The third message left Celine speechless. She couldn't believe what she heard. Had she heard right? Was this really happening? Finally?

Once she parked her drive way she ran to Kimberly house. Antsy, she rang the doorbell.

Kim greeted her with a huge grin that matched her own. "I got the kids!"

"Ahh!! I knew you would." They jumped up and down over the joyous news. "How'd he take it? I bet he was mad?" Celine inquired.

"Furious. He wants to appeal, but my lawyer said that it would be extremely difficult and he has no grounds, so I have nothing to worry about."

"Well that's great."

"I'd offer you coffee but I'm guessing you're pretty tired of that."

"Oh God, please no more coffee." Celine laughed.

"Okay, how about a little wine to celebrate tonight?"

Wine. That sounded good. Celine could use a drink or two right about now. "Definitely a cause for celebration." She followed her friend to the kitchen.

"I know. Umm Changing the subject... how was work?" The older woman grabbed two wine glasses from the cupboard and poured White Zinfandel. 

Celine's eyes widened, in all the laughing and celebration she had nearly forgotten.

"Oh the same ole, same ole. Umm... you know...after I heard your message, I got another one..."

"Oh." Kimberly raised an eyebrow, "From?"

Celine accepted her glass. "From a hospital..." She flashed her pearly whites.

"No!!!" Surprise, Kim smiled at her nodding friend. "Oh my God!"

"They asked me to call them back and well I did.."

"Oh my God, ahh. Ahuh" She motioned Celine to go on.

"And well... they want me to start tomorrow, if possible."

"And you said yes of course?"

"Well, yeah I did!"

"Wow, Celine, this is great news. I know how bad you've been wanting this. Well then this is a double celebration then." She held up her glass. "To your new job, and to victory over unfaithful husbands good riddance, and to the beginning of a new and wonderful life."

"Yes." They tapped their glasses together and sipped down their drinks."

"Um... Celine. Good things are going to happen to us. I just know it, I can feel it."

The two friends sat on the couch, Kimberly had brought the bottle of wine with them and sat it on the coffee table.

"So have you told Josh yet? I bet he's excited."

"No, he doesn't even know. I haven't told him yet." Celine answered.

"What? Why not? I figured he'd be the first to know."

"I didn't exactly have a chance to tell him." The younger of the two said. She held on to the stem of her glass tighter. "He left...out of town...some business thing. Yeah he left me a message. He won't be back till next week."

"Oh, bummer."

"Yeah."

She hadn't even thought about that. She'd been to thrilled about the new job that she hadn't even realized that the man she loves; her husband, was not there to share in the moment with her. This was it. Her dream, finally coming true. It saddened her a bit, but she knew she'd get over it. She was just thankful that she was going to be able to get out of that dead end job. Oh well, she'd tell him when he called.

Celine curse under her breath. She turned to face the clock staring back at her. Josh shifted his body away from her and mumbled something incoherent as she got out of bed.
 
"Do you have to go?" He asked.
 
Three in the morning, she knew taking this job at the hospital would mean working insane hours and although she was new and had nowhere near as many hours as the more experienced nurses there, occasionally, when situations would arise that require every staff member to be called in.
 
Tonight was one of those nights.
 
"You know I have to." She held her breath, expecting him to answer her back and challenge her and sighed when he didn't utter a word.
 
Relieved to hear him snoring instead of starting a arguement only minutes before work. She didn't think she could handle another one, lately there'd been too many of them.
 
 
 
It was just past half an hour since receiving the late night phone call from Ana, her co-worker and mentor, asking her to come in, when she reached the building. The waiting room was overcrowded, air full of unwavering complaints, Celine snaked her way through the swarm of patients demanding to be seen at once.
 
One man holding his arm up with the other shouted at her demanding to be heard, and was all too happy to make known to anyone who would listen, how long he'd been there waiting to see a doctor, in a vulgar manner.
 
"We'll be with you momentarily." Celine answered as politely as she could, given the situation.
 
"That's what they said over two hours ago, and I'm still here." He yelled back.
 
"Celine!" The woman's voice brought her attention back to her mission, getting out of the mob of angry people, and back to the nurses station so she could then help the very same angry mob. "Thank God you got here so soon." Ana cried, "It's been like this all night. Ahh, I was going to go insane with you."
 
 
Celine paid no mind to people like the man in the lobby, it was part of the job, and only understandable. Heck, anybody in that situation, hurt and in pain, would get frustrated with such a long wait. It's only obvious that it would be the nurses to suffer the wrath of edgy patients. It didn't bother her none, but Ana, she figured, had been working there so long that she had already gotten fed up with it all.
 
Following Ana, and politely laughing at her attempt to make a joke under strained circumstances, Celine wondered if she, herself would ever lose her patience, how long would it take for her to reach that point, where Ana obviously was at now?
 
 
 
The nightlife had become a part of Nick's life since he was just a teen, somehow it had become intertwined with his childhood overshadowing the latter. Wild nights of partying and women consumed him for many years. Having been exposed to sexual encounters in his earlier development stages had made its imprint, and the late night parties just sort of came hand in hand with his career.
 
Although he did experiment one or twice with marijuana back then, it wasn't until a few years back that he dabbled into the consumption of narcotics, and now it was a dominant side of his life, overshadowing the boy he had once been. Or could have been, no one will ever know for certain.
 
He sat with his back leaned into the cushion of his seat with yet another blonde perched on his lap, attempting to give him a lap dance but she was too far gone. He looked into her drunken eyes and gripped the hem if her skirt. He body aching for her, for what she had for him. The hunger and need of a woman completely wasted both enticed and angered him.

Okay so he had lied to his sister when he promised her he would tone down his ways, but what harm could it do, right? I was just a little fun. After all Leslie wasn't here, and there would be no way that she would ever find out. And he did have every intention on going home with the sexy little number, so technically he was lying. Technically.
 
He knew she meant well but it was frustrating to have his little sister on his case about it. Run after him like a mama hen trying to save him. Save him? He didn't need anyone to save him. There was nothing to be saved from, he was fine. Why couldn't she understand that? Why couldn't anyone understand that.
 
Being his little sister, he could overlook it a little more coming from her, but Alex...now that's a whole different beast in itself. When his friend had stepped in once at Leslie's request, he nearly lost it. It had been the last straw. Who was he to try to tell him what to do with his life, when his was just as bad? It was like teapot calling the kettle black.
 
Sure he's gotten his life semi back on track, but who was he to waltz in and fix Nick. He wasn't broken damn it. He was just fine. Just because he went to rehab and his clean and sober now, now he comes around acting like a saint. Fucking Dr. Phil, trying to fix everyone's problems. He'd have none of it. He just shoved Alex along with his sister out of his house the day they tried their little intervention. He'd tolerated her long as he had because she was his little sister but she had crossed the line that day, bringing Alex into this.

All it had done was made things worse. His ways had gotten worse over the past couple of years and he'd tossed everyone he cared for out of his life. Now they were finally understanding that he didn't need anyone. Leslie was the only one still trying to reach out to him, but soon, he thought, soon she would understand it too and leave him the hell alone.
 
Unable to keep his focus, he just couldn't get his mind out of the gutter. Thoughts were primarily focused on everything he could never had, everything that life had stolen from him, everything he could never have, and for the first time, he realized, he had an epiphany there were he sat with a hot woman grinding against his groin, he hated what he had become. A sex crazed alcoholic drug addict with his career in jeopardy. He tighten his grip on the fabric, who the hell cares anymore? He cursed the day he became a Backstreet Boy and wished it all away. He wished he'd never known this.
 
His private dancer crushed his lips with her own, demanding him to open for her. He tangle his fingers into her hair holding her tight in place, kissing her back like a madman. Well...so much for a moment of clarity.

The kiss heated up and his muse for the night brought her naughty dance to an end,  gyrating her pelvis, vigorously pressing herself against his little soldier. He rocked his hips up and down meeting her, firmly placing his hand on her ass, pushing her harder onto him. Their dance had escalated to something more...not so intimate...but...animal like.

He needed to get her out of there before her fucked her right then and there.

Nick brushed her cheek bringing her gaze on to fall onto him."Come on." He whispered in a seductive voice. "Lets get out of here." The nameless blonde smiled devilishly up at him and took his hand. Holding on to him to maintain her balance. He pulled her up and shifted her to his right side where he protectively wrapped his arm around her, leading her thorough the crowds of people, outside the club and into the parking lot

Okay, so he had a few to drink; he was fine. He could manage to get home, he done so, many times before and in much worse condition. He reached into his pocket, digging for his keys.

"You sure you up to driving?" The girl slurred.

She staggered under his hold, knees inches away from the asphalt. Nick chuckled at his intoxicated friend's clumsiness. He held on on to her tighter keeping her from hitting the ground. Even through his own stupor he supported her weight as she crawled back up to him and wrapped her arm securely around his neck.

"Yeah baby, I got it." He whispered.

He planted soft kisses on the base of her neck and traveled up, his teeth playfully tugging on her ear. She let out a giggle and leaned into him. Nick let out a grunt as the unexpected full weight of her caught him by surprise, falling back into the metal frame of his car. His hand took the path to the haven that lay beneath her skirt and met the thin fabric underneath. Inflamed with longing, he slid his hand underneath the lace. She moaned at the touch, grinding her hips back and forth, following his finger, trying to get it deeper inside.

"NICK....Nick" she said softer the second time around, breaking their passionate kiss. "I want you."

"Want you too."

"I want you inside of me."

"Oh God." The longing in him grew painfully torturous."Yes." His breathing thickened."Hurry up and get in the car." He demanded. Another minute of this and he was going to have to take her right there in the parking lot. Not that that was a bad idea, he thought to himself. What a scene it would be to just fuck her right there in front of everyone. He smiled mischievously as he entertained the notion for a minute,then shook his mind out of the gutter. He could, and he would have, the only thing that keep him from acting out on his perverse fantasy was not so much the fact that it would bring forth bad publicity to himself, as well as the rest of the band, after all, they say there's no such thing as bad publicity. No, it was all good, but he wasn't about to give them a free show, and despite his love affairs with women, he had no intention of shaming a woman like that, in such a public way. He wasn't a complete ass.

All too willing, she jumped in and with a little help from Nick the girl was sitting in her chair with her seatbelt securely fasten, courtesy of Nick. He gave her one last kiss before shutting the door. The second he made himself comfortable in his seat, his young friend placed her hand on his leg and started rubbing his thigh. Nick felt his trousers tighten at the attention she was providing. He could smell her scent flowing through out the car. God he couldn't wait until he got this girl to a room and fucked her 'till she couldn't remember her own name."

"Hurry Nick, I want you now."

"Going as fast as I can baby. We'll get there."

Her hand now had reached his groin where she rubbed with urgency. A groan escaped his lips, under her touch. He felt he was going to explode soon. She was driving him crazy and she knew it. She knew just how to work a man up. There was no doubt, he thought, that she had done this more than once; leave a club with a man she knew for no more than the span half an hour. She probably had done this many times, just as he had for nearly the past decade.

She unzipped his pants and pulled out his hard member, swollen and aching for her touch. The fair haired woman jerked at her seatbelt until she had successfully freed herself from its constraint. Unrestrained and now able to position herself just where she wanted to be, she wrapped her hand around the throbbing shaft, guiding and taking him into her mouth.

"Oohh baby." Nick groaned as he felt the moistness of her lips engulf his erection. "Yeah."

"Mmmm." She moaned, sending its vibration to further arouse her new found friend. "You taste so good."

"Yeah baby, suck it...yessss." He snaked.

Fully conscious of the fact that he really needed to get her horny ass to the nearest hotel or motel, hell at this point he didn't even care if it was just a run down shed. It would do. He had to have her immediately. And her teasing him wasn't helping matters any.

He closed his lids for a brief moment, enjoying the feeling she was giving to him. The soft smooth lips that enclosed around his stiffened rod. The suckling and slurping sounds filling the air, the touch of her velvet tongue. All too exhilarating. Loving every moment of it. The thrill of the ride, sure it was not the first time, nor would it be the last time that Nick had or would have a blowjob performed during a car ride, but that didn't make it any less enjoyable.

He stomped on the breaks but it was already to late, if he didn't think of something, if he couldn't stop fast they were going to collide into the SUV in front of them. In a desperate attempt to avoid the impact he jerk the wheel, shifting the vehicles direction. Everything happened so fast.

He made yet another attempt to stop the car, this time from falling off road and into a cluster of trees they were headed straight for but the breaks failed a second time. The tires screeched as they skidded off the road. Sounds of his companion's screams filled the night as the car flipped over once, then twice, and one final time before finally coming to a hault.

Nick opened his eyes immediately feeling a sharp pain in his head. He brought his hand up placing it directly to the source. His face felt cold and moist. He winced as the effort to sooth it only brought more pain. Dropping his hand to his side, not even realizing the crimson red stain he searched for his passenger but she was no longer beside him.

He opened his mouth to call out her name. Shit what was her name? He couldn't remember. Was it Tanya, Tammy, Toni, something with a T... Oh fuck it...

"Baby?" He called out. "Baby where are you?" His voice came out shaky and faltered in between syllables. Trying to find his voice he gave it one last try. "Are...you..okay?"

His vision blurred and his lids thickened. Laying there in his now mashed up car wedged between a pair of trees, he fought hard, against the heavy urge to shut his eyes and drift off to sleep, to find her. Nothing. He couldn't see anything. All he saw was black.

Sirens blared through the air as he was losing his battle. No longer able to pry his eyes open, he could hear the voices around him.

"It's going to be okay..."

"We're going to get you out of here..."

He laid there motionless, quietly, praying and listening to hear one of them mention her. All he need was to hear that she was okay.

"You'll be...'

The voices began drifting further away...hearing less and less...until all he had left was the pain.

Just a brief moment.. only a matter of seconds...just five seconds... was all it took...

It had been about a quarter to four, only minutes after she had clocked in that morning, when they had been brought in; a man and a woman, both victims of an automobile accident that had occurred just a mile south of the hospital. She had thought nothing of it when she first caught a glimpse of him as they rushed him into a vacant emergency room, other that the fact that sometimes these things happen. They shouldn't, no one ever means for them to, but they do. Her eyes locked onto the woman, lying, unidentifiably on the gurney covered in blood, looking so helpless.
 
She tried her best not to flinch at the sight, she was still fairly new to the medical staff there and though she was quickly becoming accustomed to such scenes, it still left an impact of sorts on her.
 
Celine had to, with much effort, will herself away and occupy her mind on her current tasks at hand, after all she still had a job to do, add on, she didn't wish her colleges to think she was inept at handling those types of situations. She'd worked so hard for this and it had taken so long to reach the place she was at now and she'd be damned if her employment became questionable. Nor could she bear the humiliation of the constant teasing she would have to endure the next couple of weeks for not being able to keep her lunch down at the sight of a bloody mess.
 
She moved on and kept busy but the image of the woman's cherry streaked blonde hair was deeply rooted in her thoughts and kept resurfacing throughout the length of her shift. She couldn't understand why it affected her they way she did, this woman with no name, at least not to her. The more she urged herself not to think about it, the more determined and defined the image became.
 
It was only upon learning the identity of the man that has been ushered through the hallways, unconscious that Celine was truly affected by the circumstances that were currently present. A wretched feeling of despair began to burrow into the pit of her.
 
"Nick Carter." She heard his name whispered from one nurse to the other.
 
"Isn't that one of those..."
 
Celine blinked hard trying to keep that old salty liquid at bay. Those were two names she never expected to hear again, and not especially like this. It felt almost as if she had been punched in the gut. She glued her ear to the conversation taking place no more than four feet away from her, trying to make out every detail, every syllable, anything that could in any way inform her of the severity of his present condition.
 
"How's the girl?" One woman asked.
 
"Unresponsive. I think. They're not so certain that she's going to make it."
 
"Oh, poor girl."
 
"Yeah but you know you gotta feel for the family."
 
"What's going to happen to him?"
 
Her breathing increased at a rapid rate, waiting to hear the other woman's response. If she didn't answer soon she was going to go mad, she could already feel the beginnings of an anxiety attack forming.
 
"I don't know, but it looks pretty serious."
 
"No." Not Nick, no this can't be . It can't be. Please don't let it be.  She repeatedly chanted to herself in the confines of her own mind. She leaned into the wall to keep herself from collapsing. Her eyes shut tight and she fought hard to regulate her breathing.
 
"Are you okay?" One of the gossiping nurses standing nearby asked. They rushed to her aid before she had been able to make contact with the ground.
 
 
 
 
 
When she opened her eyes Celine realized she was lying on one of the hospital's beds. She sat up slowly noting the figure standing in front of her wearing a concerned look.
 
"Ana?" She asked. "How-what..." She paused before making the inquiry she had been near to making of what happened. What happened? She knew what had happened. She had fainted, that's what happened. "How long have I been out?" Now that was a question worth voicing.
 
"Not long, just a few mintues. So how was your little nap? Must be nice to take a little siesta. I wish I could." She lightly teased. "Are you okay?" The troubled look on her face returned.
 
It took a few seconds for her to process the question."Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. Everything's fine."
 
"Celine, you fainted in the middle of the hall and you're telling me everything's fine. Really? You should take a look at yourself in the mirror, you look like crap."
 
"I'm fine, really, I am." She repeated.
 
Ana sighed and gave her a hard doubtful look. "You know if there was anything wrong, you could tell me you know that right?"
 
Celine nodded but said not a word as the middle aged woman stared her down, as if she was waiting for her to break down and spill all, but the young nurse would not give in so easily. She maintained her opposition and kept her troubles to herself.
 
 
"Okay, I'm going to rule this was as fatigue this time. You have been working a double. Hey-what time is it?" Her question directed more towards herself than to Celine. "What time did you come in?"
 
"About three-thirty."
 
"Oh! Well no wonder. Have you had lunch, er, breakfast yet, or whatever? Have you eaten yet?"
 
"No."
 
"Well why the hell not? Celine you've been here for seven hours and you haven't had anything to eat. Are you trying to starve yourself? Do you have a weight complex?"
 
Celine chuckled. "No. I don't. I'm very comfortable with my weight."
 
Ana crossed her arms and studied the woman sitting on the edge of the bed. Her head bounced up and down as if she had discovered the answer to one of the greatest mysteries of all time. "You trying to win employee of the month?"
 
Celine let out a laugh that contaminated the entire room. "No."
 
"That's it isn't it? I'm on to you missy." She egged on.
 
"Look, Celine, a little piece of advice the last thing you need is to be over exerting yourself. Trust me, it's a good job, good pay and all, but it's not that good. Now go on and get yourself something to eat. A nurse isn't much use if she's famished."
 
 
 
 
Celine scolded herself on her way to the cafeteria. How could she have allowed such a display, collapsing in front of everybody like that. Sure she accepted that Nick being admitted there was difficult for her to grasp but she felt that she could have, or at least, should have been stronger. How was fainting going to help matters, or maybe Ana had been right. Maybe she was over working herself, perhaps it had been a result of her depriving her body of nourishment, but she had been so entranced by the poor girl, and preoccupied with keeping herself from thinking of her, that the only thing she did manage to forget was to feed herself.
 
He had been a big part of her life and he had meant a great deal to her, but their lives had somehow, somewhere shifted. They had reached a fork in the middle of the road and one chose one path while the other was forced to take the opposite, leading them to travel different journeys alone.
 
And now, after so many years of separation, mistakes, and broken dreams, he was here, after much self convincing that she would never again see his face, he was here in this very building. Having him so close to her again and not being able to know how he was was driving her nuts. She wanted nothing more than to run to his side and ascertain that he would be fine.
 
"A penny for your thoughts." The familiar voice said.
 
"Hey Ana." She looked up at her and smiled.
 
"I was just leaving for the day and thought I'd come down to see how you were doing."
 
Celine highly doubted the truthfulness of that statement. She was certain that the true underlying meaning was something other than it appeared to be. See how you were doing; translation; I just wanted to make sure you got something to eat.
 
And the frown on her face when her eyes studied the barely touched plate confirmed it. She shook her head in disappointing disproval.
 
"Celine, you haven't even touched your food."
 
"Yes I have." She poked around at her rice and chicken."
 
"No, ma'am, you've only picked at it."
 
Celine was tempted to spit out a smart comment but didn't bother. She knew Ana was being serious and was genuinely concern; all it would do was prolong the conversation.
 
"I'm just not that hungry." Ana's stare bore into her. "I'm just a little tired, that's all."
 
She was fully aware that the woman only meant well but this was something that she just didn't deem appropriate to share with a co-worker.
 
"You do look exhausted, maybe you should be going home as well. They got everything under control now, the rush is over. Just finish eating and get your scrawny booty out of here."
 
"Okay." She smiled back. "Thanks."
 
Ana raise a questioning eyebrow. "For?"
 
"For everything; the concern and the advice; just everything. You've been nothing but kind to me since I started. Thank you."
 
"Awe, you're welcome honey; now get some rest, okay. I'll see you around."
 
 
She trashed the rest of her uneaten lunch. There was no way she was going to be able to stomach the remainder of it, not it the state she was in. She headed out of the lunch room and straight back to gather her belongings but before she could leave for the day, there was one last thing she needed to do. And she was dreading it, but it was the only thing that would be able to ease her mind. At least she prayed it would.
 


Nervously, Celine made her way down the hall. Each step slower than the previous. Her heart beat faster the closer she came to his room with her hand resting against her chest, clutching to a pleading hope that her worries would be subdued. She close her eyes and swallowed her fears down in one big gulp as she opened the door.
 
 
His eyes were closed, still in a deep sleep, and even though he looked peaceful, Celine gasped when she saw him for the first time in years.
 
"Oh Nick." She cried softly.
 
Hesitantly inching her way to his side, hoping she wouldn't wake him. She just needed to get near him, to touch him. In some strange way she felt that if she could do so, if she could feel him, it would be somehow reassuring, more to herself than to him.
 
Gently, she ran her fingers against his hand and quickly realized that she had just made a big mistake. That one slight touch didn't give her the relief she had expected. Instead it made her only want to crawl into his bed and hold him in her arms and make everything go away.
 
Nick's eyes fluttered. He could barely make out the figure standing beside him but he did make out through his blurred vision that it was a female and she was touching him. Why was she touching him. Who was she? He blinked hard twice, trying to clear his sight.
 
"Ce-Celine?" He whispered. No. It couldn't be here. He was just imaging things. Seeing her again when she clearly wasn't there, like so many times before. But they had all been nothing more than mirages.
 
"Yes, Nick. It's me, I'm here." She had wanted to run when he woke up but she'd already been made. What point was there in running now.
 
"Celine!" He tried to sit up but he was crippled by pain. "Ouch. Fuck."
 
"Shh, shh, don't try to move Nick, just lie down. Nick do you know where you are?"
 
He took a look around and nodded.
 
"Do you remember what happened?"
 
"I, uh, I was driving and...there was a car...and..and we crashed." AS he spoke the words it came back to him. "Where is she? Celine. Where is she? Is she-is she okay?"
 
He looked at her with pleading eyes.
 
She wanted nothing more than to tell him what he wanted to hear. "I don't know Nick. She's in ICU. "
 
Technically, she was being truthful. She really didn't have an idea of what was going on, all she knew was what she had heard earlier, and that was a bit of information that she'd rather keep to herself. He'd just regain consciousness after a horrible incident that could have cost him his life, last thing she wanted to do was make the whole ordeal more traumatic. No, he had enough on his plate right now.
 
He faced her with an intense expression, like he was staring her down, trying to read the truth. He could tell she was nervous, and he shared that emotion with her, though he was pretty certain it was not for mutual reasons. He observed every detail about her; the honey blonde hair pulled up that accentuated her features, the crystal blue eyes that he once lived in. The careless thought of the past made him cringe. It was not a place he wanted to go back to, not a subject he wanted his brain to process at the moment. He didn't care to see her but for the time being he had no choice. He assessed from her attire that she worked there and figured he'd get further if he played nice.
 
"You'd tell me right?" He looked at her through the bruises. "If you knew...I have to know that she's okay. You'd tell me, or would you lie to me?" His last comment came out a little more calloused then he had intended it to be.
 
Celine felt the sting of the stab at her but she couldn't blame him even if she had wanted to, nor did she wish to dignify it with a direct answer.
 
"Um, I'll just go get the doctor, he'll be able to answer your questions better."
 
 

After all this time and after all that had been said and done, she had never conceived that she would be standing where she was today. Perhaps embedded somewhere deep in her conscious she had known that this moment would someday come. But how does one prepare for something that you’ve dedicated your life with such determination to believe it to be a destination out of reach?

She sat back in her patio absentmindedly watching the sparse clouds roll by. It was another bright and sunny day in California, except unlike most days, it lacked the charming invitation that it usually offered to Celine. There was nothing bright about this day and certainly nothing to look forward to, nothing to smile about.

Today instead was filled with uncertainty. What was she going to do with Nick? She knew the reality of the situation was that there was really nothing to do. They parted ways many years ago and made their own lives separate from the one they had known together. It was not like he had appeared out of thin air back into her life because he’d chosen to. There were circumstances beyond his control that led him to the place he was out now. It was merely coincidence that the mishap, if you could call it that, he suffered shuffled him to the hospital she worked at. As was she certain that if he had known she worked there he would have opted for another route, possibly even coveting death as an alternative. She felt the need to help him for whatever reason; perhaps the way things ended between them was a factor. Or her desire to attend to the sick was another factor in play. It was in fact all relative to her profession.

If she was to help him, she knew she was going to need to devise a strategic plan. It may have been long ago but she still recalled his strong personality. The boy was as stubborn as a mule and proud to the core. Allowing her to aid him would be a difficult task, one that would require precise measures and a certain level of delicacy. With careful planning, she hoped she would be able to succeed.

She fixed her view to the nice Victorian style home just next door and contemplated her next move. She wondered if seeking advice would do her good, it certainly wouldn’t cause any harm and it would be nice to finally be able to get this off her chest, but she debated about recruiting her trusted friend. She knew she could trust her but to do so, she would have to let her in on some things in her past that she wasn’t too happy about recalling much less voicing it out loud to someone she cared about. It was as if in speaking the words to another soul would on only reinforce the past, cementing it in stone. She had kept him to herself so long that she didn’t even know where to begin or how to speak of it.

It was almost a sign, as if she were being watched by a greater power that was subtly telling her it was time, when she saw the slightly older looking woman peek out behind the drapes. She looked at her through the glass window; the knowing look on her face told her she sensed something terribly wrong with her friend.

Celine looked away, casting her gaze to the ground, thoroughly examining her shoes. She cocked her head toward the sound of an opening door, even though it was expected, it had still taken her slightly surprised. She gulped as her friend made her way to her. She had less than a few second to make up her mind on whether she would tell her the truth or come up with a believable story that would buy her time.

“Hey honey.” She took a seat across from her and offered her a halfhearted smile. “Okay, what’s going on?”

Celine returned the gesture, perfectly mimicking the smile. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

Her friend pulled out a cigarette and took a match to it. “That bad huh?” She puffed.

Celine watched a sequence of smoke rings sway in perfect rhythm through the air until they had completely dissolved. She sighed taking in a breath of the burning tobacco. “Have you ever done something that you regret more than anything but would have regretted it just as equally if you hadn’t done it in the first place?”

Her friend studied the strong facial lines, calculated the severity of the perplexed subject matter behind the query, and chose her next words cautiously. “Yeah, I got married. I regret that shit more than anything but I know if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have my beautiful children and they are my everything, my world. But…” She paused. “Somehow I get the feeling that this is not the same thing. What’s eating you Cel? ”

“A long time ago…when-I- well…something happened that- I just don’t know….I bumped into an old friend of mine at work.” Her words came out in a stuttered mess, not sure even where to begin.

“And by an old friend you mean a former love interest?” She raised her eyebrow in a suggestive manner.

Celine reluctantly confirm with the nodding of her head.

“Okay, so, you met him at work, what does he work there?”

“No.”

“Patient?” Her brows now furrowed.

“Yes.”

“Uh huh, and what happened that’s got you so worked up.”

“He was brought in this morning after a car wreck. I went to see him. He just looked so bad, he had been with a passenger, and she seems in even worse shape. I don’t know what to do. I want to help him but I don’t think he’ll let me. He’s not the type to ask or accept it.”

“Too proud huh?” She watched her friend closely and nodded. “You still care about him?”

“Always.”

“Well, honey, I don’t know what to tell you here.”

For the first time, she had no advice to offer and it confused her further. She always had some fortune cookie phrase to hand to her in times like these. Always knew the best thing to do. And now, when Celine needed her advice more than ever, she was left in a cloud of silence. The look on Celine’s shocked face all but brought her to chuckles. She looked like a child. “You can’t help him if he doesn’t want you to. Just offer it and if he accepts then help him but if he says no, then let it be. You can’t force it on him. If he needs your help he’ll eventually ask you for it.”

There was the fortune cookie. She had been disappointed when she thought she wasn’t going to get it and now that she had, she was regretting it. Nick was not the type of man to let anyone help him and she was sure as hell that he’d never accept it from her. She had felt the tension in his room earlier that morning.

Nick sat propped up in his bed listening intently to the man in the white coat. He heard his words but his thoughts were elsewhere. The woman that was in his company last night, he’d found out her name was Irene, was his only concern at the moment. He had been very cooperative answering every question he had for him but at the mention of Irene and her condition, he had zoned off to a state of worry and guilt. From the sound of it, it did not seem to be going well for her. When the ambulance had arrived at the scene that morning, she was found a few feet away from the vehicle was lucky to have made it this far.

“You’re very fortunate, Mr. Carter, you only sustained a few scratches and minor injuries.” Was what he had been told, too bad the same couldn’t be said for Irene, who now was in critical condition. The doctor’s had assure the girl’s family that they had done all they could for her but as it stood there was no way of predicting the future outcome, only time would tell that one. Nick swallowed a lump down his throat, he didn’t feel so lucky.

A knock on the door brought him back to the small room. Slowly it opened and a set of blue eyes peeked in.

“Looks like you have a visitor.” The doctor said. “Come on in.” He assured. “We’re just about done here.”

Her sad blue eyes rested on Nick. “Hey,” she said quietly. He returned the greeting and she stood there with her hands in her pockets, staring at the floor. Once the doctor had left the room, she took a seat on the chair next to his bed.

“How are you?”

“Alright, I guess.”

“What happened?”

“Leslie, can we not do this right now? I really don’t want to talk about it.” He pleaded.

She frowned. “What? My brother gets into a car wreck, lands himself in the hospital. I don’t find about it until the next day.” She said in tears. “And you don’t want to do this.”

Nick said not a word.

“And I’m supposed to just accept that? Nick you could have died.”

“Yeah well I didn’t. I’m alright now so please can we just drop this.”

It’s not that he wished to be insensitive to Leslie’s feelings, she was always the one to feel more than the rest of his siblings, it just didn’t seem like the right moment. He had other things on his mind, and he was going through a lot at the moment. Of course, it was his own damn fault, he knew this, but talking about it right now didn’t seem right. He knew he if told her what happened, he would get another sermon about his lifestyle and how it’s a danger, and that was not something he wanted to hear. He knew all too well the consequences; he was living it right now.

“Okay, Nick. We won’t talk about this now.”

“Thank you.”

“I just care about you so much. You’re my big brother and I love you.”

“I know. I love you, too”

Four weeks following his discharge from the hospital, and his brush with death, Nick sat still in his chair taking in the words that filled the room. Shameful and broken, every other word cut off like a phone call in the middle of the woods in some unknown town far out in the middle of nowhere, right between lost and forgotten. Some boy not much younger than himself stood there telling his story.

There was always a story. Some tragic story depicting the path that led them to where they are now. The heavily bearded man who’s ex wife won’t allow nowhere near his son, the typical barely teenage girl neglected by her parent, got in with the wrong crowd, you know how that one goes. The redhead with waving hair two seats down from him, a mother of two who lost her kids to the state because she couldn’t stay clean. Nick observed her as her fingers nervously fiddled with her cup of coffee and wondered if this might just be the last chance she would get and if so, was she aware of this? Did she realize if she failed once more, she would lose everything she loves for good this time? Did any of them realize it? Hell, he thought, for most people in this room this was the last chance. Was it his as well?

Prior to a few weeks ago, Nick would never have believed in a million years that he could have anything in common with these people. It wasn’t that he ever looked down on them. It was that he had been blessed with more than most people ever got; he had a good job, a ton of money and legions of swooning girls who in a heat beat would give an organ for just five minutes with him. When he thought about it long enough most people would kill for a life like that. It was a life that most can only dream of, yet here he was, no different from anyone else here. Different backgrounds, different lives, different stories yet the same. In the end, they were all the same. Lost souls trying to find their way in a world that could so easily would swallow them up and forget they had once walked it.

“…and that’s why I’m here.” The boy’s words muffled towards the end. Nick stirred in his chair and his stomach turned. When he was first told that he was being court ordered to attend a rehabilitation program his first reaction was “hell no.”

“I’m not going to no AA shit. Ain’t doing it.”

“You have to.” Said a man in his mid forties with subtle grey hair lining the sides of his face. Nick had always thought he looked like Reed and primarily on occasion he would call him that and continued to do so throughout the years he’d known him until eventually the name just stuck. Reed was the first person whom he’d contacted when the accident happened even in his state then he wasn’t far out of it enough to not realize the severity of the situation. Although he knew the legal consequences, the part of him that felt hugely responsible for what happened to Irene was ready to take any punishment that would be handed to him graciously.

Reed, whose real name is Grady Shane, had been in Delaware with his wife and daughter, attending a three-day family reunion when he’d seen the news report early that morning. When he got Nick’s frantic call, Grady had already packed and boarded a plane to California. When he had reached the hospital, he found in his client’s room a familiar dark haired woman in a grey skirt that hung below her knees and a white pinned striped shirt. However, he couldn’t remember exactly where he’d seen her before.

“That shit’s for addicts, I’m not an addict.” He assured.

“No, of course not.” The woman who had introduced herself as Lydia Riley, Nick’s publicist reassured. “No one is saying that you are, but this incident is already setting off a lot controversy, there’s a lot of angry people and if it’s not addressed immediately, I’m afraid it might have a devastating effect on your career. It could be the end of the Backstreet Boys. Going to rehab would be the best move at this point.”

The last thing he cared about was his career and he needed to fight the urge to tell Lydia to fuck off. As if right on cue, Reed interrupted, “you have no choice, it’s mandatory. If you don’t go you’ll be facing criminal charges.”

So now, here he was in a room full of drug addicts trying to make a recovery, to get their lives back. He’d had a fit when he found that it would be an in-patient therapy. When he'd entered the program, he had undergone detoxification, which had proven to be harder than he’d expected but at least he’d live through it.

Now it was his turn to speak, he stood up and cleared his throat. He always dreaded this part. “I’m Nick,” he closed his eyes and took a deep breath not wanting to say it. “I’m an addict.” His first session didn’t turn out to be a very promising start. He’d refused to admit an addiction and even now as he stood saying it, he still couldn’t believe it but Lydia had told him that he had to even though he wasn’t because of the order the facility would report back to the court and depending on the evaluation he could still do time. So he forced the words out every time. He never volunteered too much information, he said just enough and only what he was expected of him.

Saturdays and Sundays were his favorite, they were the only days of the week that allowed visitation. He’d missed home so much, his family came to visit as often as they could but Leslie was always there right on time, the first to arrive and the last to leave. He was on a natural high every time they’d visit. After visiting hours were over he would always thank God for the support his family were giving him. He didn’t know how he would get through this without them.

This Sunday was just like any other one until she’d shown up. At Nick’s request Leslie and Aaron took a walk around the grounds keeping a watchful eye. Neither of them had seen her before and were naturally weary of her. He didn’t know why he’d sent his sibling away or why he was even talking to her but once again he felt he was cornered and left with no option. Since he’d entered rehab he’d heard no word about Irene. Every time he’d ask about her no one would answer they’d just look at each other and exchange blank face. No one wanted to speak of her.

“How’ve you been?” She asked.

“Alright, I guess.”

“How’ve they been treating you here?”

“Celine, I don’t mean to be rude since you took the time to come all the way over here and all but can you tell why you’re here.”

“I just wanted to see how you were doing, wanted to know you’re okay.”

“Wow. I wish you’d worried about me that much when you left me.”

“Nick, I-I’m sorry about that. You should know that I never meant-”

“Forget it, it’s alright. I’m over it. Really I am.”

She couldn’t be sure but she felt that Nick’s words were less that accurate. “So…we’re okay? Friends?” Her face cringed while she waited for his response.

“Cel, what happened, happened, it’s over and done with, it’s okay, as for the friends…yeah… I don’t really see that happening. I’m sorry.”

Who had she been fooling, she knew it wasn’t going to be that easy to win Nick’s trust back much less friendship. The boy held grudges. He always had, that’s just who he is, take him or leave him. It was the little boys in him, the one that never grew up. Celine was lucky that he was even talking to her now. The tone obviously not as thick in ice as their last conversation but still it lay under his polite demeanor.

“Me too.” She looked in the direction where the two blondes stood, she knew they’d been watching from the distance and wondered if they even knew who she was. Judging by the looks she was getting she would have figured so, if it hadn’t been for the fact that Leslie would have most likely told her to fuck off. Nick had told her once about his overprotective little sister. Celine remembered thinking it was sweet but now she was feeling it was anything but sweet.

“Well, I guess I should go then.”

“Celine- wait. Before you go I just need to ask you something. How is she?”

Celine turned back to him with a puzzled look though she knew who he was speaking of. “Y-You don’t know?”

Nick shook his head, “No one will tell me anything.”

“Well there’s not much to tell, her condition hasn’t gotten any worse but it hasn’t gotten any better either.”

“Will you let me know if- if”

“There are any changes? Sure.”

Nick nodded and offered and weak but polite smile. He could help feeling like there was something she wasn’t telling him. Lying in his bed, long past visiting hours and way past bedtime, he questioned himself on and on until sleep had caught up with him. Why did he feel like something was off about Celine?