He walked in not knowing the damage he was causing to himself or the surroundings of his house. He was madder than mad. He also was dranking and was about ready to kill one of his fellow band mates. He knew he couldn't follow through with that. Not after kevin's furneral. That was another reason for him to be dranking, it was another reason to be pissed. How could his brother die on him? How?
He got in a fight with nick and brian over this. He started his drinking a little early but he knew it would numb his pain. The only thing Nick and Brian saw was their brother killing himself in his own way. Too make matters worse they had told him that they girl he was dating was just using him then it was a low blow for nick right in the stomach. It wasn't fair to Alex because Nick could date
all the bimbos in the world and the ones that abuse him and Alex couldn't date anyone without them being judging. He finally told them that he hated them, he quit, and he was tired of being the one that was judging. If they had any right to pick on someone they could pick on Nick. He was now in his own house. He was again still drunk and took medicine for a headache. Then realized it wasn't good enough
so he took more medicine to numb the pain. It didn't help but then again he was starting to feel woozy and scared because his vision was going blurred. He couldn't see. Then there he was laying on the floor in his living room while the guys had a show to do.

"Where's AJ?"
"I don't know. He was suppose to be here an half an hour ago."

When Nick, Brian and Howie realized that Alex isn't coming, two of them decide to continue the show but Nick decided he wasn't the one giving up. He lost one brother and the other he wasn't losing because of the Jack Daniels that was talking for Alex. So Nick told the guys...... "Im not continuing the show without him. It doesn't even feel right without Kevin. So I'm going to get him." He did too and the first
place he looked was Alex's house. He walked into his house with every room being dark as the next and then he saw Alex's body. He saw Alex. Scared, he grabbed for the phone and dailed 911.

"Yes, my best friend is laying unconcious on the floor. I don't know what to do."
"Young man, we will send an ambulance as soon as we can."
"I don't know if he can last that long."
"Sir, he is going to be fine."
"He's not FINE. He's not breathing. I dont have time for this."
Nick hung up and moved Alex to the car and drove to the hospital.

"Somebody help me. My brother, my friend he isn't breathing."
"It's ok..um.. sir..?"
"Nick Carter, my friend's name is Alex Mclean."
"Ok, Mr. Carter. we took him too the ICU. The doctors will be looking over him so itll be fine now."
"The 911 operator didn't want to help me."
"Well just think of this, you'll be the one that saved his life."
"Thanks."


Nick took a seat debating if he wanted to call the other two. Then again, he knew he should so he did. He told them everything that happened and now they were on their way to see Alex. The thing is they didn't care, now all of the sudden they do. "It's messed up." Nick thought in his head. But there he was waiting with the others, waiting for news of Alex. They just didn't know what to think of it now and
they didn't know what to think of next. The doctor came out about 2 in the morning. Some stood up and others sat down.

"Whats the verdict?"
"He'll be alright. He's not in coma or anything. His vitals are good and he's showing a little bit of speech impairment. But that should be able to get better along the way."
"Does he want to see us?"
"Yes but only one at a time. He said for Nick to go last."
"Ok."

Each of them had their conversations with Alex then it got to Nick's conversation with Alex. It was the toughest ever. No one said he was going to cry but at this rate it was about to happen. He walked in and saw Alex in the bed. Still fighting tears in his eyes but yet he could see him and his brother in their own hurtness. His brother, his friend would be as close as they are now and the future, this will show it.

"Hey bro."
"Hey nick, sit down. There's alot i want to tell you."
"Ok."
"Nick i know you are the one that saved me and thank you. You made me realize that this has to stop. I put my life in danger and most of all, im hurting the one family that's always been there except for my mom. Im sorry nick. Please forgive me."
"Ill forgive you when you forgive yourself. You need help Alex."
"I know nick. Do me a favor look at the rehab centers around and take me to one. I can't do this without a friend. I still consider you my friend and im sorry i said i hated you."
"Alex, it's fine. Im worried about you. Ill go and find you a place just for you and the best one."
"Ok. Thanks Nick."

Nick left his room feeling confident and he found his way to his brother's heart. He knew Alex was alive and that helped him keep faith in him. He ended up finding him a place out in Pheonix, Arizonia. They are flying him in and he's staying there for 4 whole months.

"This place looks like a prison, Nick."
"Alex, you havent even been inside yet."
"So.. it looks like i will die in this place."
"The only way you'll die is if you drank or kill yourself. So shut up and deal with it. It's going to get you better."
"Ok. I said it looks like a prison nick thats all. You think of me as a jail bird."
"Who wouldn't?"
"Hey asshole."
"It was a joke. Now relax and get in there. Ill visit you when they want me too and when you need me too. Sometimes ill just check in on you. Im signing you in and they will do the rest, Alex. Do you got it?"
"Yeah nick, i got it. Thank you for this."
"Your welcome."

Alex and Nick walked in and signed him in. There was a girl behind the counter that will be Alex's counselor. He was tempted but he knew he was here for his condition not love. He wasn't even thinking love not at this moment. Just looking for away back to his life again. He spoke up and asked if he had a room but they gave him a schedule instead. His thoughts told him that this was crazy. He looked towards Nick.

"Bye brother of mine. Be nice and don't give anyone trouble."
"Do I look like I would be trouble, Nick?"

The smirk on his face had said it all.

"Yes. But im leaving now."
"Ok Bye. Visit me when you can."
"Alright."

He left Alex behind and Alex waved. He didn't know if Nick saw but he hope he did. He turned back around and looked down at his paper.

"Ma'am, What am i suppose to do with this?"
"Oh, that's your schedule. Your counselor which is, Kris, She'll explain everything. Now here's your room number. Your room 223. Remember to go by your schedule."
"Ok. Thanks."

He picked up his bags and moved to his room. This was going to take alot of getting use too. He sighed and said "All this, i hope im doing something right and i hope god you're making something good of me and not make me alone, I just need help from you and friends."

I was sitting on my bed overlooking my schedule when there was a knock at my door. "Come in"
I said to the person on the outside of the door somehow praying this is all my imagination and that I’m still at home asleep on my floor. The door opened and in came a beautiful woman with some paper work in her hands so i assumed she was Kris my counselor... did I say counselor i mean my jailor. "Hello Mr. Mclean, I am Kris, your counselor i want to lay down some ground rules with you that every patient here at the center must obey before we go over your schedule.
Rule 1: Absolutely no sexual conduct permitted what so ever.
Rule2: No unauthorized visitors permitted on premises.
Rule3: Meetings are mandatory no excuses.
Rule4: No smoking this is against the rules listed in our policy.
Rule5: You must report back to you room by curfew which is not negotiable. Do you understand all the rules Mr. Mclean?"
“Yes I understand now can you explain this thing to me please? Ok your schedule is broken up in to 2 columns chores and meetings.”
"Chores what am I child now?"
“I don’t know if you’re a child Mr. Mclean. I’m just stating the rules like they are and if you don’t like it then you don’t need to be here and obviously don’t need help like you want. Besides chores help you build character which I see you have a problem with Mr. Mclean. The chores and meetings are listed under different days and you can see it’s hourly. So first things’ first your off to detoxification so grab your schedule and follow me. I hope you’re not chlosterphobic because you’re going to be in a small room for the next several days."
“I’m not chlosterphobic and I have character.”
That’s when he flashes his smile at her. She turned away rolling her eyes as she thought “Great, he’s going be more trouble then I need.”
“Hello, are you gonna show me where I’m going to be detox at or are you too busy staring off in to space.”
He smirks.
“Right this way Mr. Mclean prepare yourself it’s not easy as you make it sound.”
He looks down the never ending hallway and thinks.
“I’m really doing this. I have to be crazy but I promised Nick and most of all I promised myself. Detox should be a breeze. This isn’t my first rodeo but hopefully it’s my last.

He was locked away in detox for about seven days. He had said bye to Miss Kris. He had looked at her with a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was like he said he hope this was it but what was this feeling now? It was hopeless to him anyways.Yet he couldn't stop acting like she was the last person he would ever see again. Why wouldn't Nick believe him when he said that this place would kill him? Was it because he was feeling so much grief for what happened to everything in his life or his family? He didn't know but now he knew that he was locked up in this white padded room with things to do like color or draw because it would drive him bonkers if he stayed in there alone and did nothing. So Miss Kris gave him those things but it was also a strategy for him because it gave him some security of measure. It gave him room to think and just listen to his own self this time. It was day one in this hell hold but he would make it through. He always did and he always knew how. This should be breeze but this was only consider night one of it. This would be the first of losing his sanity.

That night of day one he was alone. He never felt this type of loneliness. Not the loneliness of where you would yell for someone and then realize that they werent coming for you. It wasnt the type of loneliness of where you were looking around the room and trying to find away out so you didnt deal with yourself. He decided to write. This was his other option. He could write it down then burn the book later and not ever remember the pain. This was his reason of drinking. He knew that and he also had it programmed in his head that he was the screw up of the guys and that the one person he truly failed was dead now. Then he thought it.. no.. he said it. Was it time for him to speak to Kevin in here? No, it was too soon so he rolled over and said "Hell, i cant even talk to my brother without doing something wrong and hes dead." With that note, he fell asleep and started over with day two. This would be hell.

~~~~

He woke up the next morning. "Great, day two. My whole first day. This truly will be hell now." He scruffled and went over to his paper pad and crayons. He smirked at himself and then laughed. "I guess I am a child." He layed on the floor and thought over to himself and he kept thinking over and over. Then he felt it. He needed a smoke so bad but he couldn't. He had to listen to Miss Kris. He promised Nick that he wouldnt be trouble. Hell, im not letting that brother down. "So what am i suppose to do, God? Just sit here and talk to you." He moved his body around and started drawing. "Now what can i draw?" He picked up a crayon and then he started to draw a flashback. "God i do mess up alot of things." He drew the time when he got caught in the middle of a fight. This fight was always the cause of him though. He always started it anyways. His flashback took him to the time when Nick and him got into it because of a stupid girl. "That was a stupid reason to fight, God. Now that i think about it." He, for once had ask god to forgive him. This was crazy. He sat there for a few hours with nothing but thoughts on his mind. As the night approached, this is what scared him the most. He didn't like the dark. It made him think of how truly alone he was. This would be the cause if he ever gave in. He layed there on the floor and looked up at the ceiling. He started singing to himself. This would be it for him. He would crack but yet not so easily. He started thinking what his brothers were doing. He missed his brother's kids. He wanted to make everything better. He had to make himself better first.
His thoughts processed in his head, he would start his day off tomorrow like he did today.

~~~~~~

Around day five, he was started to look horrible and he was started to smell awful. Day three and four was the same as day two. So he was fine but today he seems more moody more upset. Then he was hit.. he finally spoke... "Kevin, bro. Im sorry I let you down. Im sorry for how i am. Ill try harder and make things better. Ill make things right this time. Help me bro. I know your up there just dont leave me. Im not ready to be by myself on this. I have Nick and i had you. Sometimes i think Brian and Howie, both, didnt want to help me. You and Nick were all i had but now its just Nick. I know your spirit is here. I feel it. Im sorry. Forgive me. God forgive me. I want to forgive myself."

He sat there in a corner til night fall. He was by himself. He, now truly felt alone. This was it for him. He looked like he seen a ghost and he wouldn't even move. He started singing again. He did this because it made him feel comfortable. It gave him some security. He ended up truly sleeping there. The man had literally sung himself to sleep.

~~~~

He was sleeping then started screaming. It was afternoon of day six. He just started screaming and then couldnt breathe. He clutched up his fists and banged it a couple of times on the padding of the room. Did he want to finally let the hurt inside of him get to him? I think he
did because he was willing to scream about it.Then again, he was not only screaming but crying. He hit his rock bottom a day before he was even out of this room. He was falling apart right after each sob. He couldnt tell if its because of the things he was thinking about, like Kevin or all the fights he ever caused. He was finally
listening to his heart though. It was his cry to show that there was faith in him still yet. He grabbed the padding on the floor one more time, holding his gut. He was screaming again. The only scream that was telling the counselors he was ready for tomorrow because he was fighting the pain and the addiction at the same time. He was battling himself with every scream. Was this truly it for him? It wasnt it for him. He was just allowing all the suffering to now take over his body. He didn't notice that his mind had allow him to make drawings on the floor. He didn't notice that he was drawing things he remembered when he was drunk. He didn't know the true damage but it was the crying and the emotion he was putting into it. He wasn't thinking. He was a shell of what use to be. He didn't even see the sun go down outside of the little cracks on top of the wall. He just knew it would be lights out soon and he could maybe sleep though another night. The last night he had there.

~~~~~~~

The morning after, Alex woke up with a bruise on himself. He had a headache then he realized that he had really lost it and he's still losing it now. He banged on the door, just asking for someone to let him out. When the door finally opened, he was relieved because there was Miss Kim waiting on the other side.

"How do you feel, Mr. Mclean.?"
"I feel horrible. I feel like i need a shower. I feel like i want my brother, Nick here."

He almost said that with tears running down his face but he managed.

"Well, in time Mr. Mclean. He will visit you next week sometime. Just be cool and collected. We are now off to a private meeting."

"Ok."

He was following her so he could get cleaned up and be on time for their meeting in two hours. This would be hard. But yet he knew he could probably do it since he was out of that wicked room. He didn't ever want to be in that place again because of how desperately he felt alone. He
got cleaned up for a moment and then went to the room he was assigned in and he sat there on his bed. He was thinking of how much he missed people he knew. He knew that he would hurt them or let some of them down if he didn't stay. So he just sat there and thought about everything he felt. Was he well prepared for this meeting with Miss Kris? Emotions will continue to run high with him. He was on his verge of step one.

She walks in to his room, pen and notepad in her hands as she sits in the chair by his bed.
“So tell me Mr. Mclean how did you like your room?
"I didn't like it one bit.”
"Well I’m sorry it’s not supposed to be likeable Mr. Mclean, now I think it’s time to start our meeting. How did it make you feel having no one but yourself to talk to in there?”
“It made me feel awful like I was all alone with no one to care for me but myself and that’s a scary thing to have to think about.”
"What made you scream like you did and bang on the floor?"
“It was nothing,” he said as he turned away.
"Come on Mr. Mclean you have to let me in so I can begin to help solve your problems."
She says that as she gets up to walk towards him.
"I just can’t talk about it you wouldn’t understand."
When she walks towards him she grabs hold of his arm. She looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I would understand Mr. Mclean you have to trust me."
He looked dead straight in her eyes and saw the sincereness that came from inside her. He knew at that moment he could trust her and that’s when he broke down all barriers of his soul.
"I think I could trust you, I just don’t know how to yet.”
"You’re doing great Mr. Mclean but if we are working on trust then you can call me Kris if it’s more comfortable for you.”
"I will take that in to thought, Kris and you may call me Alex, feel privileged because not very many people get to know him.”
"Alex, I am going to ask you some personal questions this could get very intense. Are you ok to keep going?”
"Yes I’m comfortable proceeding with the questions.”
"The first question I want to ask you is, what was your childhood like when you were a boy?”
"I didn’t really have a normal childhood like all the other kids when I was younger. My childhood was very difficult at times because of the bastard who called himself my father. I can remember many times as a child wishing that I could have what every other kid on the block had and that was a father who gave a damn. No one but my mother knows this, for Christmas one year, when I was about 8, all I wanted that year was my dad to walk through the door with presents and take me and my mom back but do you think that happen... No instead he shows up drunk and then tells my mom and grandparents he has a new family one with no mistakes in it...”
He stares into space with a stiffened look on his face.
"Alex if you seem uncomfortable by any of the questions just say pass then I'll move on to the next one, ok?"
“I won’t pass any of them. I know I have to let this out or we will never get close to fixing my damaged soul."
“Very well, I was just making sure you were ok about continuing with this meeting.”
She sighs to herself thinking, “I would so hug him right now poor guy looks so vulnerable.”
"KRIS, Kris.”
He yells her name again looking straight in her face waving his hand in front of her. She straightens herself back up and she looks back at him. This time she was only looking deeper into his eyes.
She saw something there but what it was, she had no clue about. All she knew was that she was trying to help him because she knew it was what he needed. She could know see the sincereness in and of his eyes. She was feeling his pain.
“Kris. Are you ok?”
“Huh? What? Oh yes, where were we?”
“Did you have nothing question?”
“Yes, Mr. Mclean. What has your love life been like?”
God knows it took a lot of guts for her to ask. Knowing that it was private and he probably didn’t want to be asked that. The thing is it had to be done. This bond would go a little bit further than what it should.
“Well, my relationships weren’t always the best. See, I have had two broken off engagements and girls that just want me for money.
"What happened that caused you to break off your engagement?”
He looked down at his hands and wonder if there was any way of explaining how he truly felt but then again he just came out and said it. He lifted his hand and looked straight at her with a hardness in his face. He finally spoke.
"Well Sarah got mad at me because I decided my problems were way more important than our wedding at the moment. So that’s why our engagement is off right now. Sometimes I think she only loves me when the spotlight is on her so it makes a good impression.”
"Well I’m sorry to hear that Alex. So I take it she hates you being here right now, seems shallow on her part if you ask me.”
He wanted to smile at her about that reply but he wasn’t supposed to feel this close to his counselor. He was thinking inside his mind that “this could get complicated if you start feeling for her. She’s helping you, Mclean. Now act like you’re offended.” He did just that too. This was hard for him to push away someone who was willing to care for him and give a damn about him, someone that wasn’t Nick. Here he was, now pretended to be offended. Sighing, he finally spoke.
"Well I didn’t ask you Kris, but I'll worry about that when I get out of here.”
"I’m sorry Alex, I'll move on to the next question.”
"It’s ok. I just get really touchy when it comes to that subject. I’m sorry, continue please.”
He knew it was a lie. He wasn’t touchy on the subject. He was touchy on the fact that he might be a bachelor for the rest of his life. He just held that part in. He held back on a few more times with this meeting. He was ready for whatever she was preparing him for.

Kris looked at him and studied him for a couple of minutes. She knew he wasn’t ready for half of the questions that she was playing in her mind. Though she knew he had to talk about all these issues in his life. “Maybe I’m moving too fast on this.” She thought this then thought “I have to do this. God please forgive me for doing this to such a nice guy.” Little did she know that asking this question was going to make them closer.

"It’s ok Alex. Here is the next question, how did Kevin die?”
He took a deep breath as he heard Kevin’s name just ring in his ear. This was going to tear him down as much as it could. He didn’t cry. He didn’t look up. He just looked at his hands before he finally spoke to Kris. When he looked up, he looked into her eyes.
She looked at him and knew that this was hard for him. She also didn’t know why he just sat there and then she heard his voice with barely any audio to it.

"I knew this question was coming. Please forgive me if it takes awhile to answer. It’s hard for me to talk about it. He died after a really bad car accident...

He held his hands together but he continued. A tear started to come down his eye. He was starting to hurt and feel the pain even worse. Then he felt lightheaded. He never forgave himself. Why hadn’t he died instead of Kevin? He never forgave himself. He was driving that rainy night. Then he told it like it was. With a few more tears sliding down his face.

“I remember it, like it was just yesterday, all the screaming and the flames. I never got to say goodbye but at least he knew I loved him. He knew I would never let him down but yet I feel like I did. I feel like I’m the reason why he died. Then I know him. He would say “It’s not your fault. You didn’t see him coming.” He knew I loved him, that’s one thing I said before his accident.”

He didn’t cry as hard but it was enough to know that tears were there. Kris sat there, watching him. She felt bad and went over to wrap her arms around him. He gave into her. He cried hard this time. He spoke to her in a gentle voice.

“I can’t believe you’re not laughing at me for showing emotions when I talk about this.”
She held him tighter to her. She was starting to bond with him. Was this possible? No, it’s not, it’s breaking the rules. She didn’t want this. He didn’t know if he was ready to let go yet and he didn’t know how to feel about Kris. He did like the security and the fullness she gave him. Then again, it was early. This was their first meeting for crying out loud. But she did just grab him and held him closer.

"Alex, I will never laugh at you. It’s ok to show your emotions that’s how you learn to show your true self.”

“How do I feel all of this?”

“What do you feel, Alex?”

“I feel…. Like…”

He didn’t finish his sentence before his roommate came in.

“I think that’s enough for today, Mr. Mclean.”
“I thought you were going to call me Alex?”
“Shhh… It’s ok, Alex.”

She whispered it into his ear.

“I could get in trouble for being this close, Alex.”
“Oh Ok. Then why did you have me…”
“You have a good heart, that’s why. Now go to sleep, Mr. Mclean.”

He smirked at the comment and thought “She wants me. I knew it.” Then he laughed at that thought before she left.

“What’s funny, Mr. Mclean?”
“Oh, nothing really, Miss Kris.”

He smirked and she smiled at what he was laughing about. She had one big idea about what he was laughing about. She was laughing at the thought too. He thought maybe his life would get better now. He didn’t normally do this but this is what he did. He got on his knees and prayed to God and Kevin above.

“God, Kevin. I know you’re listening to me. I want to be continued on being forgiven. I want to make this life better. You seem to help me a lot with the weight that was lifted off my shoulder. So I say thank you so much. Please continue to help me and be here. Also please bless Kris with everything in the world.”

He ended his prayer with an amen and went to sleep. He would continue his meetings and chores over the next few months. He was working hard everyday and gave no one any trouble. He kept Nick in his mind and his other brothers too. It would be a month before he got to see Nick again.

“Kim, you kept telling me that Nick would visit me each week. It’s been three weeks. What’s going on?”

“Alex, I assure you he will be here this week. He’s coming during one of our group sessions.”

“Our group sessions, what is that?”
“The group session that happens every Thursday. The one, that I’ve kept you from for a while.”
“The one you said I wasn’t prepared for just yet?”
“Yep, that’s the one. You will have our private meetings and those meetings. You got that, Alex?”
“Yes, I do Kris.”

He grabbed her elbow and then squeezed it. This made her jump a little. It was his way of saying thank you. She replied your welcome through her smile. He was falling for her within a month. The rules were no girlfriends though. He wasn’t ready for anything not until he resolved issues. This would be difficult especially on Thursday with Nick.

~~~

He sits on his bed thinking “oh god why are you doing this to me? It’s Thursday am I really ready for group sessions, can’t back down now Kris won’t allow it even if I pretended to whine she will make me go.”
He was still in deep thought as his roommate walked in and said “woo bro, our counselor is one hot babe too bad we can't have girlfriends I'd tap that in a minute.” “Shut up man, besides she wouldn’t give you the time or day to save your life.” Eddy smirks “ha yeah please like your any better at least I’m only here because I tried killing myself not because I’m a drug addict.” Alex clenches his fists, wanting to hit eddy but just walks out the room into the hallway very upset. Kris sees him in the hallway pulls him to the side and asks “what’s wrong Alex?" He shrugs her off and says “nothing, don’t worry about it” as he starts to pull away from her. She says “ok fine sorry, I'll be here when you’re ready to talk about it.”
Letting go of him she walks into the room where group is going to take place with a hurt look on her face, sitting down in her chair waiting for everyone to calm down and get quiet. She looks down at her paperwork for a moment and then when she looks up she sees Alex walking in heading towards Nick. That’s when she stands up and walks over to him. Kris lowers her voice to tell him "Alex you can’t sit with Nick I know that’s where you want to sit but you can’t." “But Kris I..."
He sees Nick out the corner of his eye giving him a look and he decides not to argue with Kris going over to the empty seat beside eddy. He sits there listening to the rules of the meeting and how they will go. When the meeting has finally started, he sat there listening to everyone go through their pain. While they were he was staring at Nick. Kris looks towards Alex "whenever you’re ready you can start hashing out your problems with each other and absolutely no physical contact, boys."
~~~
“I hate how I get judge because of women I date how is that fair Nickolas?" “You’re blowing that way out of proportion bone it’s not like that at all."
“Then what is it Nickolas because that’s what it sounds like on my side of the fence."
“There you go again, always turning everything around to make me or one of the guys look bad just because you have fucked up relationships."
“Well at least my relationships don’t get put in the tabloids and make me look like a woman beater or womanizer Nickolas.”
"F**K YOU"
“Oh I’m sorry Nick, it’s true though and at least I will find true love in one of my relationships."
“Whoa boys stop it right there Nick you’re not supposed to sit here and point fingers, Alex smirks thinking she’s on his side...And you Mr. Mclean are to sit here shut up listen and then state your answers but only if they fix your problems got it?"
“Yes ma’am I’m sorry...”
"Don’t just listen."

They didn't solve their relationship but they will worry about that later. Kris is really going to test them she says, "Boys talk about Kevin."
~~~
"I can't believe you killed Kevin, why did you even drink that night?"
"I didn’t kill him you asshole it was raining and I was mad at Sarah that’s why I drank."
Oh that’s an excuse you could have stopped Alex you always make excuses."
"How was I supposed to see the other driver Nick? I’m killing myself inside because of what happened to Kevin, you don’t know what kind of pain I live with everyday."
“What kind of pain, we go through pain too but you don’t see us drinking ourselves to death.”
“WHY DO YOU THINK IM HERE NICK, TO GET HELP YOU BROUGHT ME HERE I THOUGHT YOU CARED... GUESS NOT."
“I do care Alex otherwise I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t."
“If you cared then why do you blame me for Kevin’s death? When the whole thing was an accident."
“Why because I wanted to see how you really felt.”
“I’m in hell Nick that’s how I feel everyday because Kevin’s gone because I made the choice to drink and drive there I said it is that what you wanted?"
“No that’s not what I wanted Alex. I just wanted to know because I’m in just as much pain as you are. I had to live with the fact that I might of lost 2 brothers that day not just one."
“I’m sorry Nick. I didn’t realize how traumatizing all that was for you. I love you bro that’s why I’m still here I think."
“Your here because you want to be and you want help it’s ok to cry and let others in I love you bro."
“I love you too Nicky. I just wish the other guys could be here but they hate me."
“They don’t hate you they just are angry at the whole situation but they gave me these for you. They’re cards from the fans."
“Thanks Nicky I’m sorry about earlier. I just… I’m not used to feeling this vulnerable in fact it scares me. I guess that’s a good thing.”
"Yes it’s good it’s ok to be vulnerable at times. That’s how you fix yourself.”

The meeting went on for 2 more hours. Nick and Alex bonded closer than they were before. When it was time for nick to go, Alex was sad. He didn’t know when or where he’d see nick again but at least now he didn’t feel so alone.
~~~

Since Alex was starting his second month at the Pheonix Facility he was doing very well with the private meetings he had with Kris and then the group session. Things really didn't start getting interesting until about the third month. His bond with Nick was becoming special. Nick and him even had late night chats together. He had a brother he was counting on and a brother that was counting on him. Another reason is because the more Kris and Alex talked the closer they got.
It was something that really made him sane at the moment. He felt this closeness to Kris and the more meetings he continued with her the more safe he was. She was in his heart. He knew that for a fact. He really liked the thought that they were secretly into each other but it was still kept as a secret. This drove him nuts. The night on a personal meeting, it was his twenty-second day in month two. He had called Nick to bring him a rose. His secret would be becoming the secret admirer.
His role would be the rose keeper of someone's heart. He told Nick nothing about this but he played it on good. Nick played his cards good too by not telling Alex he was dating Amanda Willaford again. He knew Alex would be pissed but yet again, what was Alex's secret? Everyone had secrets now. This would be only the beginning. Nick and Alex kept secrets from each other. As brothers, this wouldn't be an affect or would it? Kris' heart would be a secret but Alex's secret was the worse.
This is the beginning of night One of the Secret Rose Admirer. But now thats another story.

~~~

The night of the twenty-second day, Alex had put one rose on Kris' desk in her office. A note that was typed so she didn't know the writing. Alex may act like a child but he was smart enough to cover his tracks. The only thing he did in fancing writing was the signature of the Secret Admirer. He left the note and the rose there. He went back into his room, he saw Kris waiting there for him. This was new. He was actually nervous. He had no clue why or maybe he did know in his heart of why he was so nervous.
He thought in his head "God, she's going to know." He was interrupted when Kris got his attention.

"Alex, Baby.."

"Baby?"

"Sorry i had to snap you out of it somehow."

"Oh, haha funny. What's today's meeting about."

"I figured you would tell me something I don't know."

He laughed at the thought and smirked.

"What's funny, Alex?"

"Oh, nothing."

If only she knew about the rose that was laying on her desk. Kris had snapped him out of it again.

"Alex, what is up with you? Is there a reason why you're being weird?"

"No reason. Let's just start the meeting ok babe?"

"Why do you insist on flirting?"

"Can't help it. You're so resistable."

"Haha."

She smiled and walked over to him. She gave him a hug and he held her tight. This was away for them to form more of their bondness. Alex's safe spot.

"Do you want to know two things that you don't know?"

"What? Tell me."

They got closer and then started dancing with no music playing. He was being romantic without realizing it. He squeezed her tight and kissed the top of her head.

"Alex. Don't. You know the rules."

"I know. But you're my best friend and my safe spot. You keep me safe and make feel like I'm myself."

"I'm your best friend. Really?"

"Yes, you are."

He held her tighter and felt her breath on his neck and felt both their hearts pounding. He never felt this close without some intimacy involved. All Sarah ever
wanted was the sex. This was nice. He wanted this with Kris. He smiled as he held her close. He was glad that he had put the rose on her desk. It would last until she figured it out
but he perfer to tell her. That was his thing. He thought of her as a best friend but yet he thought of falling in love with her. This was confusing and now one interesting meeting.

~~~

After that night of dancing and knowing that he felt the way he did. He sent her rose every night even on group session night. She never mentioned it to him or even bought it up. All
of his roses went unanswered. The night before a group session night, he had encountered her throwing away the roses. He didn't know why she did that. But he did go up to her and put his hand on her
shoulder and dragged her into his room.

"Alex, what the hell?"

"Why are throwing those roses away? Someone out there is loving you woman."

"I know but i don't have time for the person. I have another person I love."

"Oh, really who?"

"Well its a client so it cant happen."

"It's me isn't it."

He said it without stampering.

"No..... Yes.. Alex dont start. please. we have to be friends."

"I know besides Sarah is back in the picture."

"What? You're not ready for a relationship."

"Its been two months now. Im two months sober and stuck in this hell hold."

"Ok, if you're in hell then I'm the devil."

"Yes. Get out Kris"

"You cant tell me to leave."

"Well, i can't talk to you now. You made me feel this way."

"Fine then bye MR. MCLEAN!!!"

"Bye BIT...I mean MISS KRIS!"

She stormed out of his room and then he layed on his bed. Tomorrow he had to face her again but how can he do this? He loves her and he felt it. He just got hurt when he saw her throwing away his roses
and then he knew he hurt her by getting back with Sarah. "I'm not ready for a relationship my ass." He thought. "She would have dated me but i said someone else and she flips. I guess she wasnt the right one."
He eventually played the events in his mind and woke up the next morning with a scar on his heart. He felt alone again but how? He was going to talk to Nick today.

~~~All Hell Breaks Loose...~~

The night Of group session, Alex finally got two hours alone with Nick. No fights attended but this was something that was going to happen anyways. Alex and Nick sat in Alex's room. Nick finally spoke when Alex
sighed for the fourth time.

"You know thats annoying right?"

"What? Me sighing?"

"Yes, its like a depress sound. What's up with you bro?"

"Nothing. I got in a fight with Kris."

"Over what?"

"Secret for a secret bro."

"Well... ok."

The room got hot and Alex told Nick about being the rose secret admirer and what they fought about. Nick wasn't too happy but he understood the pain his bro felt about love. Nick didn't believe he would find love but he did believe his brother did.
Nick saw how happy he was and he wasn't thrilled when he heard Alex being back with Sarah. Truthfully he hated her but now it was his turn to tell Alex about Willa or Mandy.

"Alex, my secret is being with Mandy again."

"What? WHY? Do you like getting hit on?"

"Well, no. She hasn't hit me Alex."

"Well, just watch it. She lays a hand on you one time Nickolas i SWEAR TO GOD ILL KILL HER MYSELF!"

"OK DONT YELL."

"Is there a problem boys?"

Kris walked in and looked straight at Alex. It was like a hundred knives cutting in him. He responded to her and she told them they had so many minutes left of the conversation and then had to go to the group session. She walked out and left them there.
Alex felt like an ass but he did pull her to him before they walked into the meeting.

"Alex. stop. You're too close."

Meanwhile Eddy walked up.

"Hey sweet thing. I have a problem I want to talk to you about after the meeting."

"Eddy stop saying things like that."

Eddy didn't care. He grabbed Kim away from Alex's grip and then touched her side. Eddy looked at Alex.

"Oh, Alex you need to back up off of her."

"Don't tell me what to do and you need to do the same."

"Boys no fighting."

Meanwhile Star walked up to help Kris out of her situation.

"What is going on here?"

"My two clients being jackasses that's what. Alex, this is my friend Star."

"Nice to meet you"

"You too."

"No one introduces me."

"Shut up, Eddy."

"Alex, be nice."

But it was too late. The temper flared and the fists went flying. It wasn't Alex it was more of Eddy. Star tried to pull Eddy off then Nick rushed out and saw what was happening and he helped by pulling Alex back. Star called for backup. The story was
set straight. Eddy was appointed back to his room and stayed there. Meanwhile, Star talked to Nick, Alex, and Kris.

"Thank you..um.."

"Nick Carter."

"Star McCullen."

"Nice to meet you and you're welcome."

They shook hands and there was a spark for just a moment until Alex pulled him away.

"I'll take Nick in there, Alex."

"Thanks Star. I need to talk to Kris real quick anyways."

Star took Nick to his seat. Nick whispered to her ear saying "do you do counseling too?" She looked him in the eyes. "Yes i do. We will talk later."

Meanwhile in the hallway, Alex is close enough to Kim to feel both of their breaths in each other's face.

"IM SORRY."

"Jinx."

"Haha, alex."

"Seriously forgive me?"

"Yes. Do you?"

"Yes. I want to start this meeting now."

"Ok let's start."

~~~

Kris walked in with Alex. Heads turned and they heard mumbling under peoples' breath and whispering too. Nick looked at Star as soon as she stood up. He thought "confident woman."

"Listen guys, My name is Star McCullen. Im a good friend of Kris Mcdaniels. Otherwise, known as Miss Kris. Im here to observe but since there was a little incident with one of her clients. Ill be monitoring this meeting today"

Star walked to the front and let Kris sit down beside Alex. It was now showing that they were really good friends now. There was no hiding it. Star started the meeting off very well and sent those back that were done. The only two that was left for the meeting was Nick and Alex. They sat there all still and quiet. Kris finally spoke first for once. She felt like a client too. She knew that Star would help her comfront Alex about the roses for once. She couldn't stand feeling like he was out of her reach.
She grabbed his hand and said, "I trust you. You're my best friend too. I knew it was you that did the roses, Alex." He gulped down his salvia. He was now confused.
"Im sorry, Kris. I wanted to tell you. I feel so much when im With you."
"I know."

She held her true feelings away for another day and Alex kept his inside because honestly he was scared of knowing the truth of every emotion he had. He sat there and told Nick what he felt and said what he needed too. Just another meeting to get through. Next one would be hard. Kris and Sarah. Same room. Scary..

~~~Month Three Rose of The End~~~

Month three was the beginning. It was the twenth day. He had everything happen to him in about two weeks or so. From going towards Kris as a love to getting back with Sarah. Meeting Star a best friend of Kris'. This made him think that he should be friends with Star too. Then he would know everything. This meeting would be one of his last meetings because Kris would have to take him through activities of daily life. It was to teach him how to not be around alcohol or fight not to drink. His meeting would
consist of having Sarah. She was suppose to be here the night after the group meeting but they arranged it for her to be here today on his last meeting. He thought it was because she had to know his rules. No fight was permitted this time but there wouldn't be a fight because Kris didn't show up. It was Star. Nick was here with Sarah but where was Kris? He didn't have time to think. He just sat down and waited for the meeting to start. The others were dismissed after their turn and then Alex was called up on his own. Nick and Alex talked and
then Alex and Sarah. Star went over the rules to help them get life on track and then Nick went up to Star after they left.

"Where's Kris, Star?

"She didn't feel good."

"Right. Just tell me the truth."

"Ok. She didn't want to see Alex with Sarah. She would have been upset."

"I know. I'm not the only one that sees they are in love with each other."

"Nope. I know they love each other."

Star smiled and started packing up her things.

"Let me help you."

"Oh, Nick. No it's fine really."

"No its not. I should help."

"You help just by telling me what Alex thinks of Kris."

"Haha Nice try."

They laughed about their friends falling in love. Secretly they didn't know it was forming a bond of some sort for them. Nick helped her that night and lead her back to her office.

"So do you work all the time?"

"Practically live here."

"You're kidding right?"

"Maybe."

His cell goes off and ignores it. He looked back at Star.

"Sorry about that."

"It's fine. If you have to go, I understand."

"No no it's not that. Its my girlfriend anyways."

"Oh. Well ok."

"Major pain in the butt."

"Yeah. Had an ex i understand."

His cell goes off again. This time he takes the call. Star can hear the conversation and it hurts her to know he's dating some girl who doesn't really seem to care or so she thinks. He ends up leaving that night. They make a date for coffee another day.

~~~

"Where were you?"

"I was sick, Alexander."

"Dont get hateful. I just asked."

"Sorry. How did the meeting go with Star?"

"It went good. Wish you were there."

"I know."

They gave each other a hug and talked for a bit. Why was he feeling so different with her? He didn't understand this reason. He would only have a month with her and he was scared of that. He didn't want his friendship or whatever it was to end. So when he spoke again he did the unthinkable.

"When I leave, please visit me. Stay with me as a friend. I mean you could even live out in Atlanta with me."

"Alex, you're crazy. Atlanta? I cant.. my job."

"So? you're point is?"

He smirked at her and how she loved that smirk. They were in love but they just needed to tell each other that. It was tearing them upside down and inside out because of not being so close as they truly were.

"Ok. Alex whatever. We will see."

"I have a month woman so you better figure it out."

"HAHA.. do you have to be bossy?"

"Yes you know you love me when im aggressive."

"That will be a no comment."

She walked away to do her work and he went to his bedroom for the day. He now knew his emotions or so he thinks. A rose could only tell.

The start of Alex’s final month in her care was going to be the toughest because she knew the rules but was in love with him 100 percent. She felt like crying because she was afraid of the day she would have to let him go on with his life and leave her behind. Nick stared at the ceiling in his bedroom, his mind kept wandering back to Star. No matter how he tried to think of something else, he couldn’t. He knew he had Willa but he also knew he met a fresh face someone new that he could talk to when he and Willa had their fights.

"Hello star, I owe you coffee so how bout we meet on Tuesday while Kris is having a session with Alex. I know a great spot."
“Ok Nick. Sounds great, can’t wait to see you Tuesday we have so much to talk about."
“Yes, we do if I don’t bore you that is, but hey listen I gotta go. I hear Willa waking up so see you Tuesday Star."
“Ok Nick, Tuesday stay safe till then.”

Star smiled as she finished filling out some paperwork for Kris. She began to wonder what it would be like with Alex gone he had grown on her as a nice guy and they are developing a friendship. Star also knew the day of October 31st would be hard for everyone involved especially Kris and Alex.
~~~
She knocked on his door when she got no answer she opened it and was about to ask why he didn’t answer when she saw him there just laying shirtless, asleep looking like a beautiful angel. She walked over to his bedside and soon found herself laying next to him god she would be n so much trouble if anyone found out she was just about to get up when suddenly she felt his arms wrapping around her. She didn’t want to wake him by yelling for Star to come help but then again she had to because she had other clients to attend with and it was against the rules, she went to move but found herself falling asleep right there in his arms, she would have hell to pay for that later. After 2 hours Star had gone to look for Kris wondering where she wandered off to and got the shock of her life when she looked in Alex’s room and saw the two of them laying in bed together. Star knew she could face trouble with the boss if she didn’t do something but seeing those two together asleep like that made her heart sink because soon it would come to an end. Star walks over to the bed and gently shakes Kris not wanting to wake Alex. Kris opens her eyes looking at star then when she realizes she’s in Alex’s bed, she says “oh no I’m gonna get fired, Star help me get his arms open so we can get out of here before he wakes up. Star shakes her head and helps Kris get out of his arms. Kris covers him up and they quickly leave his room just as their boss walks through the door.
"Why aren’t the patients doing chores, have you seen the grounds of this place its horrible."
“Travis and Adam are doing the best they can sir, it’s a big facility.”
"Well its unacceptable move chore time up an hour that should get things moving around here."
“What brings you here today sir? You weren’t supposed to arrive until Mr. Mclean’s departure date to oversee everything."
“Ah interesting you should ask I’m here because it’s gotten back to me that there have been some incidents here at the center and I wanted to come down and check for myself."
“Sir we can assure you that those incidents were resolved and there haven’t been any since that night."
“I understand you ladies want to protect those involved but you know our policy after every incident. I have to come down and look into why they were caused besides the incidents involve one of you anyways. So I have some doors to knock on and the two of you should get comfy you’re in for a long day.”

Travis turned and left while Star and Kris went ahead and sat down at a table in Kris' office.

“Who do you think would have said anything Star? Oh god I’m gonna get fired."
“I don’t know but it had to be one of the staff. I mean they are always here I’m sure it’s nothing."
“Oh it’s something did you see the way he looked at us, great I knew I should of never gotten that close to him it’s a rule and I broke it."
“It wasn’t your fault you didn’t expect to fall in love with Alex. It just happened I’m sure Tim will understand, besides he can’t fire you who else would counselor these animals the way you do."
She didn’t hear star her thoughts were getting the best of her all she could think about is what would happen if she got fired, who would look after Alex who would understand him like she does, would she ever be able to get a job at another rehab center, she know wishes she would of never fell for Alex because in the end someone is gonna get hurt.
~~~

It had been 2 weeks since the boss was in to see everyone and the outcome wasn’t very good. Kris got suspended until after Alex’s departure date and what’s worse is Alex got assigned to me and i have to be the one to tell nick how everything happened later today on our coffee date.

~Flashback 2 weeks ago~
"Kris I need to see you in my office in ten minutes."
“Yes sir, I'll be there.”
she bites her lip wondering what’s going to happen. Ten minutes later she walks in to his office shutting the door, she sits in the chair and speaks “you wanted to see me sir?"
“Yes I called you in my office to tell you that I looked into the matter at hand and decided it’s in the facilities best interest to...”
“Please don’t fire me I know I broke the rules but I swear it I’ll never happen again in fact I'll ask that ale... I mean Mr. Mclean be assigned to someone else so it doesn’t occurr again."
“Oh no I’m not gonna fire you that would be a bad thing to do because of how good you are but I am suspending you until after the 31st, and Mr. Mclean has already been assigned a new counselor so finish out your shift today then get your things and chill out till next month and oh have a nice day. "

She gets up walking out of his office running to the bathroom as the tears fell like rain down her face, knowing she had to say goodbye to Star and Alex and this place. Her heart was breaking with no one to fix it. She walks to his room knocking on the door.
“Alex I need to talk to you are you awake?” She prayed he wouldnt answer so she didn’t have to see his heart break but who else was gonna tell him? He opened the door smiling as she walked in
“Ok I’m awake what do we have to talk about?"
“I’m leaving Alex. I can’t be your counselor anymore. Don’t ask why just know that it wasn’t anything you did."
“I don’t understand. I leave in 3 weeks and you’re not gonna be here. What am I supposed to do now it’s gonna take me forever to talk to this new counselor."
“No you already know her somewhat. It’s Star. She’s a great counselor you'll love her. I just wanted to come and say goodbye so please listen to her and keep up with your sessions. At lease I know u will be in good hands."
“There has to be something I can do I mean what if I don’t want anybody else to be my counselor I could leave right now but if I did that it would disappointment to Nick and everything I’ve worked hard towards, how can I be nice when I’m angry."
“Alex, you have to be you have to do everything right you will be out of here back with Sarah, enjoying life as like this never happened.”

With that she walked over hugged him and walked out the door knowing his heart had just been shattered again. He slammed the door throwing everything in his room on the floor, “F**k it, AJ Mclean screwed up yet again so what’s the point anymore.
~~~ End of flash back~~~


"So wow 2 weeks flew by how have you been Star?"
“I have some things to tell you nick and they may shock you so just bare with me."
“Come on it can’t be that bad your having a coffee date with me so that’s a plus right?"

“Yes, I think that’s the only good thing to come out of this. Kris was suspended 2 weeks ago because of her being in love with Alex. Everything went wrong and I am assigned to him. He hasn’t come out of his room since she left and I’m worried when he leaves he may relapse because of this.”
"I won’t let that happen he worked too hard to just give up. I mean it sucks because of the situation but he does have a girlfriend, he knew better."
“Well I thought you’d be a little more considerate but you have a point he does have a girlfriend so he shouldn’t of got mixed up with Kris but how do we get him to finish his sessions if he won’t talk?"
“Well give him paper tell him to write what he feels then come back and get it later when he is sleeping. I mean that’s what I would do or just force it out of him.”
"Nick I can’t do that. I’m not that mean besides he won’t even come out the room it’s locked all the time. I think he feels like everyone’s out to get him. Well I have to go now. Thanks for the coffee Nick. It was good talking to you. I have to get back to the center and see if he will talk I feel so bad about everything.”
"Ok let me walk you to your car and say goodbye.”
He walked her to the car and what happens next shocks the both of them as their lips lock only for a few seconds though...
“Uh I have to go.” She gets in her car and speeds away toward the center leaving Nick standing there with a confused look on his face.
~~~

Kris looked at her clock on the wall ten o’ clock in a few more hours Alex would be out of rehab and headed back to his life. She prayed he would be safe and somehow wished she could be there on this big day to tell him how proud of him she was and that they would always be best friends and she would always be here if he needed anything but now she won’t get the chance. She thinks I wonder if Star gave him the note I wrote for him maybe it will make him smile I did when I wrote it. She gets herself yet another bowl of ice cream and climbs back in bed how can today get any worse she thinks to herself.
"Mr. Mclean, open the door I have some mail here for you."
“Slide it under the door and go away. Soon I'll be far away from this place, this damn town and you people.”
Star slides the mail under the door walking away to go finish the rest of the meetings she had until his departure time. He picks up the mail about ready to throw the letters in the trash when he sees one from Kris, He climbs on his bed and opens her letter:
Dear Alex, I didn’t know whether or not to even send you a letter because I’m pretty sure you hate me for leaving you alone in there but I swear that wasn’t what I wanted I didn’t want to have to tell you that and I’m sorry that it happened that way but just remember it wasn’t your fault and if you aren’t mad at me. I’m your best friend I am always gonna be here if you need anything or just someone to talk. I put a card with my cell number on it for you and oh by the way I’m so proud of you wish I could be there to tell you that in person but I know you’re in good hands say hello to Nick and Star for me. I want you to continue your program and steps. Sarah will never understand just how lucky she is… I’m gonna end this now before I get upset again Your amazing and thank you so much for giving me the chance to know you as Alex you won’t be forgotten
always your friend, Kris.
He seals the letter back up putting it his pocket so it’s safe for the ride home he did have a smile on his face till he remembered his ride home was Sarah. Alex picked up his bags walking to the counter signing his name in the book for the last time when he finally saw Star he apologized and said goodbye.
“Tell Kris I said thanks, the letter made me smile."
“No problem but I think you should tell her yourself one of these days."
“Maybe I will do that but right now i gotta blow this popstand and get back to my doggies.”
He walked outside putting his bags down waiting for Sarah to get there. He had no idea what he was gonna, say, or do when she got there all he knew was he was going back to his life.
Beep.. Beep.. went the sound of a horn honking when he looked up there was Sarah driving his car.
"Baby you’re free. I bet your excited to be going home back to civilization."
“Yeah let’s just go I’m tired.”
He throws his bags in the back of the car just wanting to get back to Atlanta and clear his mind.
~~~

Star had tried many times to call nick and ask him about the kiss but she didn’t have to courage to leave a message. She was feeding the dogs when her phone rang she had answered “Hello."
“Hey Star, its’ Nick sorry I haven’t called you since our coffee date. Been super busy with the fellas and everything but I wanted to say I’m sorry for kissing you like that I dunno what came over me I hope you can forgive me?"
“Yes nick your forgiven and it’s ok I have been wondering about it for days but now I know so thanks for calling. Listen, I have to go I need to check on Kris and let her know he got her letter.”
Will Kim and Alex remain friends or have their cards been played? Will Star and Nick cross paths in the weeks to come or was it just a one time thing? Only time will tell if roses really do have thorns....

Star had hung up with Nick and decided she would call Kris to tell her about the letter but the thing is, she decided to drive over there. So she grabbed her keys and her purse and opened the door. When she walked out, she saw another car in her drive way. She saw the car once before but didn't know where it came from. Nick was sitting inside of it. She walked over to the car and tapped on the window.

"Nick, what are you doing here?"
"Uh, what?"
"What are you doing here? I just got off the phone with you."
"I know but I was sitting here first and then decided I would call."
"Ok... Nick is everything alright? Is Alex fine?"
"Oh yeah, he's fine. He was broading the plane to go back to Atlanta which reminds me, I have something to tell you."
"What's that?"
"I'll be leaving soon for Atlanta."
"I thought you lived here."
"I have a house here but Willa insists on going back to our real house."
"Oh, alright."
"Hey, do you want to catch a movie or take our dogs for a walk tonight? It gives me something to do."
"Oh, I'm glad im something for you to do."
"I mean us. That's if you're not busy."
"Well, I was on my way to see Kris. So maybe after, we can do that."
"Alright I'll be here."
"Just dont wait here all day. I have neighbors. They might think you're weird or something."
"Ha. Thats funny. I think I am weird as it is."
"Oh shut up nick. Now move your car so i can get out of here."
"Let me drive you."

Star hesitated and then said "alright." She got into his car. Nick drove her to Kris' house and they both got out of the vehicle.

"What do you think you're doing?"
"Nothing. I'm coming inside."
"If she sees you, Nick she'll think something."
"Oh really. Enlighten me please."
"Oh stop it."

She walked to the door. She knocked only once then found the door was unlocked. She went in with Nick following behind her. He was like a lost puppy trying to discover himself. He should have been just as lost as Alex was with his emotions. He walked in behind her when she walked into the living room. They both found her laying on the couch. Kim had tears and tissues everywhere. She was listening to her heart break even more. She looked up and found Star and Nick in the room.
"What are both of you doing here?"
"We are here because I wanted to tell you that Alex got your note. He said thank you, it made him smile."

With those words, she cried even more. She couldn't see Nick or Star in her eyes anymore, just a blurred vision. She wanted Alex. She wanted to hide.

Meanwhile Alex was boarding his plane with Sarah. He started realizing the differences between her and Sarah. It hurt to think of Kris' name in his head. So he decided to call Kim her. He was in his own deep thoughts. He was in the place he hurt the most. He wanted a drink but no. He decided to call Nick before he thought of worse things. He pulled out his cell phone before turning it off. He called Nick one time but all he got was the ringer. It killed him. He
wondered what could he be doing?

~~~

Nick was back at the house with Star and Kris. He forgot to bring his phone in so it was left in the car. He didn't think he needed it. His attention was on Star anyways. He watched her take care of Kris and her friend's emotions. He didnt know that someone could feel that with his brother. He could tell it was true love at least for Kris anyways. He sat in one of the chairs and watched the scene unfold in front of his eyes. Kris was starting to pack. He gazed on wide-eyed and
looked towards Star like she could do something to stop her.

"What do you think you're doing, Kris?"
"I cant be away from him. I have to go to Atlanta."
"You cant just pack up and leave. What about your house and your job?"
"I'll transfer and Alex said I could live with him."
"Do you think he'll want you to live with him if Sarah is there? Besides it'll cause problems because you cant stand her being with him."
"So, ill make it work. I will."

She cried harder with every piece of clothing she had and finally Nick stood up and wrapped his arms around Kim. He was trying to calm her down. He held her close and told Star to get some blankets. The thing is Kris didn't want blankets so she broke Nick's embrace.

"You ARE NOT him."

She packed everything. She told Star that she was leaving. She gave her notice to the landlord of where she lived and then told her job to go stick it. She had transferred. She was on her way to Atlanta all in one day.


~~~



Alex hated his plane ride. It was very uncomfortable. Now he was on his way home in the car. This would be home again. It felt different. He felt different. His mind went back to the last four months. He remember everything even the day he pretended to be asleep.


~FLASHBACK~

Alex layed in his bed when he heard Kris knocking on his door. He was half asleep so he didn't bother. He just layed there in the Pheonix Facility bed, shirtless. He heard Kris walk in the room. He didn't budge. He was good at pretending to be asleep. He snuggled in his covers a little more. He layed there and waited to hear Kris move things around. Then he felt Kris pull the covers up and then felt her lay in the bed beside him. God he loved the thought of laying next to her. Then he put his arms around her. He felt her snuggle against him. He thought this was away of being ok.
He knew where his safe spot was. She was laying in this bed next to him. It was the most sane place to be in the moment. So sane that he and her fell asleep together in the bed. He didn't like the fact of waking up and not seeing her beautiful face right there. He did know that she had to leave because of the rules. So it was ok after waking up. He had his moment with her.

~End Flashback~

He thought of that day. He knew that place so well. He just didn't understand of why he touched Sarah's hand, it wasnt the same safe place. He went to hold her hand again and still yet no feeling. He took a hold of her hand the third time and he felt Kris instead. It was like she was the one sitting there. He was falling for her. He knew it this time but how could he tell her. Just how? He unfolded the note she had given him. He read it over. His mind was focused on every word. "Maybe she does love me too." He thought this a couple of times. Then was interuppted by Sarah.

"Baby, what is wrong with you? You're so distant."
"Nothing is wrong. Im just thinking baby. It's hard to come home."
"Aw I know. What are you reading?"

He smiled before answering. He said it so proudly.

"Im reading the note that my counselor gave me."
"Oh. Your close to her arent you?"
"Yes. Best friends."
"Thats an interesting story."

Sarah was jealous over the thought of someone being Alex's best friend, especially if it was a girl. She had issues on the thought of that. She didn't like this counselor as it was. At least she wouldnt have to worry about her or so she thinks. When they got to the house, they unpacked Alex's things. He walked in and saw all the stuff that he had done to the house before he left. Sarah didn't clean his house while he was gone and he found his dogs all tied up. He was pissed. He told Sarah to go shopping while he stayed and cleaned up everything. Why was his life turning out like this? He
did everything he was suppose too. He hurt big time. He fixed his house and then found out he had a stash of alcohol. He took the bottles. He looked at the bottles closely and then poured them down the drain. He thought of the things Kris said then he thought of Nick. "Dont let them down." He was fine with everything. He threw the bottles away and then realized Sarah was home. So he thought it was her.

~~~

Kris felt Alex as if he was standing right next to her at the airport. She couldnt help but think if he was feeling her too. Then she felt a hand as if it was into hers but no one was touching her. She whispered to herself, "Alex." She was truly in love with him. She kept moving in the line and then boarded the plane. She told Star and Nick bye when they dropped her off. So no one was telling their goodbyes to her. It made it easier to leave. She got on the plane and took her seat. Looked at her phone and saw the man she loved before turning it off. Her thoughts ran high and emotions were very hard to control
now. She thought of him all the time. She knew he was the one.

Meanwhile Star and Nick were on their way back to Star's house. It was now around evening time. Star looked at Nick and she would study his face until he caught her staring at him. She was feeling weird about this feeling of him getting in the car and driving her around. It was like marriage already. No, no, and no. No marriage. She was not doubting or trying to know this man. She just absolutely didnt have the time for this. Besides he had a girl and she had a life.

"What are you looking at?"
"Oh nothing. Just studying your face. Do you know you lick your lips too much?"
"No I dont.. Im insulted."

He had a playful look in his eyes and then licked his lips again.

"See, you lick them."
"Do not."
"Do too."

They continued this as they pulled up in the driveway. They decided to walk their dogs and get to know each other a little more. Nick felt safe around Star. He wasnt afraid to be his self or be crazy. In fact, most of the time Star brought it out of him. He liked the idea of walking at night with just them and the dogs. This was something Willa would never do with him. He told Star that. He told her lots of things that most people didnt know about. This made them closer. As they started walking back towards the house and walked into the door. Nick had put his arm around Star. Star jumped to the touch and
looked at him.

"Sorry. Didnt mean to scare you."
"It's ok. Do you want anything?"
"Yes a blanket, a mountain dew, and a pizza."
"Do I look like a hotel?"
"Well, no but I will help."

He kissed her cheek and called for a pizza. Star got a blanket and the drinks. They had to pick out a movie and ended up watching "The Notebook." Nick had a thing for watching chick flicks every now and then. Since it was one of Star's favorites and Nick loving the movie too, it was easy for them to agree on. Nick had sat down on the couch and kicked off his shoes. Star had gone up stairs and changed into night clothing. She came back down and found Nick on the couch. He was already under the blanket and she didn't know he was under there with nothing on besides boxers. This made her heart sank.

"Seriously Nick, Am I a hotel?"
"No, now shut up and lay on the couch with me."

She was scared of the thought of being so close to him and better yet even in night cloths. She took her place be side him. Then the door bell rung.

"Ill get that. You stay, ok?"
"Ok."

Nick went to the door and got the pizza. He came back with the pizza and they both had dug into it. Star was actually eating how Nick does. This shocked Nick big time. He never met a girl who could down pizza like he could. He chuckled at the thought.

"What's funny?"
"You. You have sauce all over your face."

He took a paper towel and wiped her face off. Then Star took a paper towel and wiped his mouth. They had sauce on each other's face. They laughed at each other while looking into each other's eyes. They stopped for a second to finish their food and then went back to leaning against the couch. They were in for a long night.


~~~

Alex had everything done and walked to the door to greet Sarah but the thing is, his doorbell had rung instead. Kris walked up to the door nervous as anything, she found herself standing there. She rung the doorbell once. Waiting for an answer she turned around and then back at the door. Alex was standing in the doorway. He was just staring at her. He was happy. No emotion could tell him what to do with his next reaction. His reaction was to kiss her. He leaned over and kissed her right on the lips. This sent Kim into an electric shock. It was like she just burned a thousand times over by someone she loved. She was truly now nervous. She pulled away from the kiss and looked at Alex.

"Im sorry. Im so sorry."
"Dont worry about it. I missed you too."

She played it off very well. This made Alex confused.

"Ok, so what brings you here?"
"Im here to live with you."
"What, say that one more time."
"Im here to live with you. I didnt stutter."
"Ok..Then come in and let me show you your room."

As Alex got Kris settled in and showed her the house. Everything was better especially with everything they were feeling. They were safe because they were together without really being together. Everything was fine until Sarah showed up. She had problems with Kris staying there then again her reaction to Kris had said it all. She wasnt very happy and she didn't like the thought of sharing Alex. Her and Kris would not get along but Kris knew she would try everything in her power to make it work. She didn't want Alex mad at her for being mean to Sarah. Everything was peaceful from the night on. Sarah had her little fits
Alex would comfort her and Kris would stay in her room. This would be hell for her. Only when Sarah wouldnt be around, she would be ok.

~~~

Continuing the night on with Nick, Star had layed there next to him. Better yet, he was holding her in his arms. He saw that she fell asleep on him during the movie. He didn't want to move her or wake her but he did decide to kiss her lips. As soon as his lips were planting on Star's, she went ahead and started kissing him back. She did it without realizing what she was doing. She couldn't stop and he really couldn't stop. Everything that they did together drove each other nuts. Their smell, voice, looks, behavior and even the things they did in daily life. It was like a match. His breath was what kept Star kissing him
over and over again. Their bodies had eventually fell on the floor. Nick just kept kissing her and then pulled off her shirt and kissed her again as he kissed her body. She ran her hands acrossed his chest and took his shirt off. They went from making out to have passionate sex. He made love to her with every stroke that he did inside of her. She moaned over and over again. He would slam his body into her. Kissing her passionately and then nibbled on her earlobes then went to her nipples. She moan louder and digged her nails into his back. He'd go harder and faster. They made love for two hours straight before laying down next
to each other on the floor. For once, Nick felt like he was in the right place at the right time. He was with Star. That alone had turned his world upside down. Was he falling for her? Was Star feeling the same? Star indeed loved the fact of having the passionate sex with him. But how could she feel this way with him? Not after what an ex put her though. She wouldnt fall hard but she played hard with Nick. It was time to let that go while they layed there peacefully. He didn't leave that night. All he did was roll over, put his arm around Star and held her tight. Star layed there, just feeling Nick hold her. She had a tear
run down her face? What was wrong this time?

~~~

After the Sarah and Kris thing, Alex found himself at peace. He heard his best friend getting ready for work and he smiled at the thought of her whistling one of the guys songs. It had been two weeks without work for Kris and Alex knew that it was starting to drive her crazy because she had no money. So he got her a job and it was something she was happy with. The Pheonix Facility had screwed over with the transfer so Alex stepped in as much as he could. This made Sarah go over the edge at times. Alex reassured her though. Everything was perfect and going everybody's way today. Kris was on her way out to work and Alex had the
day with Sarah. This could have been great or bad. They did everything together while Kris was at work. They even made love. They went shopping and had a stroll around town. By the time they finally came home, Kris was pulling it up in the driveway and was going inside. Sarah saw her and then the whole conversation of hell took over. The fight was on.

"Why do you like her?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Kim."
"Oh, well she gets me and thats what I need in life."

Alex parked the car in the driveway. Both of them didn't move to get out of the car. Kim didn't look outside to find out who pulled up. She had already knew. So she just got ready to go to bed.

"Alex, if thats what you need, then be with her. No better yet, you should be with the guys. They are suppose to get right?"
"What? No, Your being crazy."
"No, Im not. You hang out with her like that stupid brother of yours."
"Dont call any of my brothers stupid."
"Well, im sorry. Kevin was. He made no sense half the time and he was no good."
"NO GOOD. GET OUT. GO FIND A HOTEL."
"FINE."

Both car doors slam. Alex walked up to the house and came inside. Kris was on the couch. She saw that look in his eyes. Alex looked at her then went to the bedroom. Kris followed after him. He had shut the door before it reached him. He was hurt. Kris knocked once and walked in.

"Hey."

She said in a calm voice and then took her seat on the bed.

"Hey."
"What's wrong, Alex?"
"Kevin is no good. She had said that to me."
"Kevin was good though. He was good for you. He helped you."
"Yeah, but if it wasnt for Kevin. I wouldnt have known alcohol."
"Oh, alex. Its ok. Shes just being a bitch."
"Yeah. You think so?"
"Yep."

Kris layed next to Alex and held him close to her. Alex wrapped his arms around her and snuggled his head into her shoulder blade.

"I hurt badly now. I want a drink."
"No. Im here. Talk to me about why you hurt."
"I love you. That's why."
"You love me? Your talking crazy, Alex."
"Yeah, i guess I am."

He held her tighter and kept that emotion away. He thought "maybe she doesnt love me or she isnt ready." Kris shugged his attempted "I love you" off. It didnt matter anymore. He would be hurt for a while.

Sarah was gone for a couple of days and she came back with heated emotions towards Kris and Alex. She was going to do something about Kris rather Alex liked it or not. Sarah came home and the fight was intense. It caused alot of problems but Sarah still remained in the house until that one night...

~~~

In the weeks of Alex being with Sarah and Kris, Star and Nick had grown so close to each other. Their one night of passionate sex was as if it never happened. They never spoke of it. They just went on with their days as normal. Star picked on Nick and Nick picked on Star. They were so close that when it came time for Nick to leave for Atlanta, Star was depressed. She never expected that this goodbye would be the toughest. She would found some rock to stand strong on but she was going to go crazy. The day of Nick's departure, Star didnt know how to act around him. She was all upset inside. It was like a peice of her going too.
Nick felt the same. He just had a better way of not showing it. He gripped her hand in the car. He looked at her and told her what would happen because Willa was there. So Star had to pretend that there wasnt no emotions involved. Maybe there wasnt because maybe Nick didnt really love her or he was scared of it. Though he knew there was something there for Star, how did Star know about that something? She didnt and she never would. They both were lost in thought as they got to the airport and went inside. Willa came up and met Star for the first time. Hate was on the first look for the both of them. Nick grabbed bags as he saw it
in both of their eyes. He was uncomfortable. They all were but that wouldnt last because it was time for the goodbyes. It was time for Nick and Star. Nick told Willa to go ahead and get on the plane. Nick took ahold of Star when Willa disappeared.

"Ill see you soon. Ill miss you ok?"
"Yea, Ill miss you nick."
"What are the tears for?"
"No reason. Its just i like you being here with me. It just hurts to say bye is all."
"Well. I know. Im sorry. I wont hurt anymore after im gone."


She thought in her heart and mind that he will because he would be gone. It was like saying goodbye to a friend you knew all of your life. She was dieing inside. As soon as she let him go and he went down the hall, she thought of this new feeling. She knew how Kris felt. Then it dawned on her. She was in love with a man that she wanted more than anything. She listened to her heartbreak a thousand times over before she watched the plane fly away. Then watching the plane fly away was the worse part. She was now completely alone. She had no one. No Alex, No Kris and especially NO NICK!! She walked down to her car and drove home. She would do life daily
as if Nick was still there. He was like a room mate. He never left. Then she would notice how empty the house was. No sound, no laughter, no tv or music blurring. She would call Kris a thousand times a day but there would still be a whole in her heart where Nick had been. She would do her job like she was asked and she would do everything right. She just would avoid being home alone at night. Nick would call from time to time when he got back to Atlanta. He would tell her how things were as soon as he got home. It just wouldnt be the same for her. She cried at night and yelled for him. He was never there. This went on for a few days.
Nick would be miserable and never checked up on Alex, Kris and Sarah until that one night...

She stared at the two of them wondering when the yelling would get louder or to a point where others could hear their argument. She was the cause of the arguments well most of the time anyway Sarah was always jealous of how close Alex and Kris got so this was the icing on the cake. Kris really thought the booming of their voices were gonna wake the neighbors, instead they woke her up.

"You’re nothing but a womanizer AJ, you flirt with that little tramp all the time and act like nothing is wrong when I come home."

“Don’t you dare talk about Kris like that and this has nothing to do with her it’s about Kevin. He was my friend, brother and my rock until the accident.”

"Kevin was a loser he was bad for you, he’s part of the reason you drank anyway."

“No YOU’RE THE REASON I DRANK SARAH ALL YOUR DAMN NAGGING AND ABUSING ME BEHIND CLOSED DOORS IS WHAT DID IT, NOT KEVIN."

“MY NAGGING YOUR THE ONE WHO WANTED TO GO TO REHAB AND PUT OUR WEDDING OFF LIKE IT MEANT NOTHING."

“SARAH I WANTED TO BE CLEAN AND SOBER FOR OUR WEDDING BUT DONT WORRY IT’S NOT HAPPENING NOW."

“YOUR AN ALCOHOLIC AJ YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ONE NO MATTER HOW MUCH HELP YOU GET HA YOU THINK KRIS LOVES YOU SHE DOESNT LOVE YOU SHE LOVES YOUR MONEY JUST LIKE I DO THATS WHY IM WITH YOU. YOUR BANDMATES WERE SO RIGHT BUT OH WELL WHO CARES."

“YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW I DIDNT LISTEN TO THEM BECUASE I DID LOVE YOU BUT YOUR WRONG ABOUT KIM NOW GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND TAKE YOUR SHIT WITH YOU.”

They kept fighting as the rain started to pour down on the house like a torrential flood. This was going to be a long night and Kim was afraid how it might end.
~~~
Star was just finishing up doing the laundry as the thunder cracked loudly outside her window. She jumped wanting nick to protect her from the thunder and just be with her. She had picked up all the clothes that flew out the basket and put them in the dryer having no idea just how bad this night would turn out to be for her...

~~~

"I WILL NOT BE THE ONLY ONE LEAVING TONIGHT AJ SO YOU BETTER TELL THAT THAT OOO.. KRIS TO LEAVE OR I'LL TAKE OUT THE TRASH MYSELF."

“YOU ARE LEAVING MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW GET YOUR SHIT AND GET OUT AND I DONT GIVE A DAMN IF IT’S RAINING. IM SURE WITH ALL THE MONEY YOU SPENT OF MINE YOU BOUGHT A RAIN COAT."

“VERY FUNNY YOUR MAKING A BIG MISTAKE YOUR NOT THROWING ME OUT I'LL SHOW YOU WHO WEARS THE PANTS IN THIS HOUSEHOLD.”

Sarah made a big mistake when she closed her fists and went to punch Alex. Kris saw red...
"DONT YOU DARE TOUCH HIM YOU BITCH YOU MAY NOT LOVE HIM BUT I DO AND IM GONNA PROVE IT RIGHT NOW.”

"Kris what are you doing be careful.. Look out."

“It’s ok babe I’m fine just watch ok let me show you how a real woman TAKES OUT THE TRASH.”

Kris grabbed Sarah by her hair dragging her down the steps making sure her head bounced off everyone. She flung open the door looked down at Sarah and tossed her out in the rain.

“YOU COME BACK AND IM CALLING THE COPS FOR HARRASSMENT AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE NOW YOU BEST LEAVE THIS IS YOUR ONE AND ONLY CHANCE.”

He ran to the door not knowing what he would find but when he saw Kris standing there he smiled thinking she does love me wow.

"I’m sorry it was stupid of me I know she’s your fiancée but I can’t hide my feelings anymore I love you Alex that’s why I’m here I couldn’t take being away from you anymore it was killing me.”
~~~

Star was starting to get tired so she turned off the TV and headed upstairs to take a shower like she always does. She grabbed her nightclothes and headed to the bathroom having no idea she was being watched from afar. The thunder banging in the sky masked the sound of the glass being broke on her front door and someone breaking into her house. She got into the shower letting the hot water run over her which made her think of her and Nick the night they made love how she wished he was with her at that moment. An old friend sneaks quietly up the stairs to stars room going through her things. The sound of Star turning off the shower let him know she was on her way back to her room so he hid in the closet waiting to pounce like a wild animal. Star wrapped the towel around her body taking her clothes and sighing caused she wanted nick so bad. She walks to her bedroom and heads to the closet wanting to wear nicks shirt he left behind. Star opened the closet and saw Nick’s shirt. She went to reach for it when she was grabbed and shoved against the wall. Star screamed “ahh.. Let me go how did you get in here?”

He smiled at her glistening body in the towel saying “I broke in and hid in the closet. I have been watching you for a while now don’t worry it won’t hurt much.” Star looks at him and says don’t you touch me creep, help someone help me. He smiles scream all you want no one can save you besides you will like it. She started crying harder yelling help please someone help me. He put kisses all over her body grinning every time she pulled away he bit her. He ripped the towel off her body and pressed her against the wall biting and licking every inch of her body. She begged for him to stop pleading but he didn’t he just kept going totally ignoring her. He kisses her with tongue as he forcefully rubs her cl*t saying mmm I’m gonna rape you so good you won’t want another man to touch you. Star spits in his face saying you bastard stop it leave me alone. He smiles grabbing her as he throws her on the bed and climbs on top of her saying aw what’s wrong it won’t hurt much. She starts crying even harder as she realizes its eddy that’s touching her and not Nick. Eddy smiles as he spreads Star’s legs plunging deep inside her p*ssy grabbing her hair as he rapes her over and over again going rough and hard to the point where she starts bleeding. Star screams out in pain screaming for Nick but cries harder when he doesn’t answer wishing he would save her from this horrible night mare. Several hours past and when Eddy is finally done he says “oh tell your friend Kimberly I said this is her fault I raped you because she turned me down and I wanted to hurt her and I knew if I did something to you it would get to her with that he left Star laying there in tears and walked out the door like it never happened. She curled up on the bed holding herself crying wondering what just happened and why she was so confused all she wanted was Nick.

~~~

Nick had been feeling different all day like there was something bad happening but he couldn’t figure out just what it was but he knew it had to do with his brother and Star. His mind was clearer when he felt Star like she was beside him. Today though was different, he felt like she was gone. He wanted to know the truth. He wanted to know what was wrong with everyone. He was concerned about Alex considering he hasn’t called Nick in a while. So that scared him and what scared him most is when he found out Star didn’t answer her cell phone calls. She always took them. Always... So now Nick was between a hard place, he decided to check on his brother first. He was in on a ride of his life.

"Willa I’m sorry something’s wrong I need to get to my brother too check on him.”

He didn’t wait for her to answer he just grabs his keys and started driving to his brother’s house hoping he makes it in time and also praying that maybe Kris had heard from Star. This anticipation killed him. He was driving for a race against time.
What will nick find when he arrives to his brother’s house? Will things between him and star be different or can he make everything ok? Will Kris and Alex finally let their love grow or will complications ruin everything? Only one thing is for sure it’s been one hell of a rainy night.

Chapter 9: Shattered Road

Nick drove down the road hoping just maybe he would get to Alex in time before the horrible events unfolded. He couldnt see straight out of the window since it was pouring down rain. He kept thinking that maybe there was something seriously wrong. He had too much of a gut feeling on it. He kept driving and let his mind wonder a few times. Then he saw Star in the windshield. "Holy Shit." He shouted and waved the car around. Luckily it went into the ditch and he didn't have to walk very far. So he thought about it and wondered why Star just appeared to him like that. He
looked up and asked god. He didnt get an answer but he knew he had to get to his brother. He got out of the car after he decided what he was doing. He started to walk. He was walking along the aside of the road when he saw a cop car go by and then an ambulance. He thought in his head to himself that the rain probably caused a wreck. What he truly didn't see was that it was heading to his brother's house.

~~~

When Kris had thrown Sarah out of the house, she had told her that if she came back the cops would be called. In this case, Sarah did come back. She didnt go down without a fight and thats what she was hoping for. It had been about two weeks after the incident and Kris and Alex were finally at peace. Though it was another rainy night when things got bumpy. It seemed now that everything Kris would do would be a shattered or bumpy road. That night when heaven was crying its tears, Kris had came home from a hard days work. She was greeted at the door with Alex holding a rose.
This time she took it and kissed him. This would be the true love part right? Wrong. It was only the evening time of where they would have a dinner of fettichini alfredo and the centerpeice would be the rose he had gaven her. This was a set up scene. It was a scene to make it look romantic and make Alex a softy but the thing is, he already was. He was no doubt in his mind, falling crazy over Kris. He thought that so much that it made him hurt. Then at some point in time he cried. He had emotionally just started weeping. He thought he wouldnt do this and he thought he would be better of himself.
But all he saw was himself wanting to drown himself in something so he didnt feel the hurtness. He didnt want the pain Sarah was always reminded him of. Sarah? What did this have to do with Sarah? He was sitting at a table, a romantic setting of dinner with Kris. He only thought of confusion by then.

"Alex, honey what's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking."
"Thinking of what?"
"Just something."
"Come on, alex tell me. We can go and sit in the sitting room or the den."
"Not the den. Im not a patienct anymore."
"Ok. Im sorry."

After saying the peace, they ate the rest of their food in silence. Both of them had alot on their mind while eating. Somehow they both felt it, they both saw it. Alex kept his thoughts in his mind and Kris kept her own thoughts to herself. They wouldnt say anything to each other until dinner was done. When it was, Kris cleaned up while Alex went to the den. He waited in the room and thought to his lonesome. He hated thinking when he was alone. It was as if he was in the dark again with no where to run. He hated that feeling. He hated of what he thought about with the Sarah thing. His mind played
games on him about Kris. He couldnt feel her like he once did. What was wrong with him? This wasnt it. He had her finally. He knew the truth of her loving him and she..well.. basically knew how he felt. His mind was cleared about this when Kris walked in the room. He was in for a night of his life.

~~~

Nick walked along the side of the road in the freezing rain. He should have just took his cell out and dailed for Alex. In fact, he thought of it. He didnt call him for a reason that he wanted to be alone. He was walking and every place he passed or some girl who had brown shoulder length hair looked like Star. He thought there had to be something wrong with her. He couldnt stand it. He called her the hundredth time in the last two weeks. He got a shock. Her phone was disconnected...

~~~

"Hey Eddy."
"Hey, i did everything you told me to do lady. Wheres my money?"
"Youll get your money when you have dealt with KRIS too."
"Yeah youll get your money when you have dealt with KRIS too."

Eddy was hung up on by the women who hired him.

~~~

Kris walked in the den and found Alex in a daze. When he finally looked up at her, he smiled. Then had a sadden look upon his face. She took her seat next to him and played with his hair. It was still long enough and even had the blonde color in it. She ran her hands through his hair and finally realized he needed HIS hair color back. So she would be attempted to do that in the near future or maybe she hope there would be a future. She held him close to her and listen to him breathing until she heard him crying. She was on alert because she didnt know what was wrong. She smoothed his hair and calmed
him down. He held onto her. He felt her breathing and she felt him too. They both were passionate about laying in the room on the couch. Most of all it was them together. She kept rubbing him when she was startled at the touch of his hand rubbing her stomach and then downwards. She was having issues but the issues of wanting him in her. She lifted his head and asked him what he was doing. Instead of giving her an answer, he just kissed her. He ran his tongue acrossed her lips and then went to suck on her tongue. He put his ice cold hands under her shirt and groaned into her mouth when she had moaned into
his. He took his hands and grabbed for her shirt to come off while she did the same to him. He ran his hands down her body one time and she shivered. She leaned forward to kiss him but not the kisses they have been giving to each other. This kiss was passionate with tongue sucking and sliding and all. He leaned forward and pelvic thrust her and this told her that he wanted it all. So he threw each of their clothes on the floor and picked her up so he could slide his dick inside of her. His cock was long thick and hard. She grasped as soon as he was inside her. He let her fill him so that he can go deeper
inside of her with each of his thrust. He did just that. The harder he went inside of her pussy, the more her moans got louder, the deeper he went. Then he finally grabbed her and put her on his knees so he can go in her ass. He teased her at first before actually sliding inside of her. She grasped a hold of the leather couch but it didnt help. Even the coldness didnt even help her neither. Each of his touches were sensationally and soft to the touch. She gripped and moaned louder screaming Alex's name at the top of her lungs. He was finally cumming inside of her and she had cummed too.

After having the passionate lovemaking, they were in for something much bigger. Even though they fell asleep right on the leather couch together it didnt stop a visitor from showing up.

~~~

Star layed in Nick's empty chair. She called it Nick's chair because he always wanted to sit there during his football games. It made her smile when thinking of those times. But now it was different for her. He wasnt there anymore. She didnt know if she could handle any guy ever touching her again. She wrapped herself in a blanket. She could never put clothing back on not after what that asshole did to her. She wasnt safe anymore. She was vacant and a ghost of someone else. She didnt pay her bills anymore. She didnt have a care of anything anymore. Until a co worker had called Kris in Atlanta. They told her
what was wrong with Star. Star didnt know that someone did this for her but yet she didnt care. She knew Nick wouldnt want her after she let some guy touch her where he had. She cried alone at that thought and stayed there.

~~~

Meanwhile a vistor payed Kris and Alex a visit. This would truly be their end or would it? A knock at the door had startled Alex out of his sleep and went to answer.

"Sarah and EDDY, what the hell?"
"I told you id put up a fight, ALEXANDER. I even helped out Willa."
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh Willa i mean Amanda knew that Star was taking Nick. I knew Kris was taking you. So we did something about it with a guy you hate."
"Sarah, this is crazy."
"Not as crazy as Kris getting fucked up tonight."
"DONT YOU FUCKING TOUCH HER SARAH."

Eddy went to grab for alex as Sarah took off to the stairs.

~~~

Kris could hear the fighting downstairs so she called 911 and left it off the reciever so the operator could hear what happened. She tried to hide after she did it but she didnt move fast enough. Sarah had waltz in there with a grin on her face. Kris felt vulnerable and scared. Last time she kicked her ass but now she was scared at the thought of what Sarah could be capable of. Sarah had enough goal to make Kris cry.

"Aw whats the matter?"
"Sarah drop dead."
"Dont tell me what to do. Im in control now."
"You are not. You cant hurt me."
"How much do you want to bet?"

Sarah yelled even louder but what she didnt know was that the operator from the 911 call could hear everything. So when Sarah went to Kris and ended up dragging her and hitting her, the operator had sent in for police. Sarah didnt know this would be the night of hell but it was what it was turning out to be. When Sarah reached for Kris, she felt Kris struggle against her. She was trying to break loose but Sarah only hit her and left her with a black eye. She felt Kris starting to fight back and ended up knocking her out unconscience. Kris only screamed of pain before truly blacking out. Sarah carried her down the
stairs and saw Eddy tieing up Alex. Alex saw Sarah with Kris in her arms. He started to panic.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER? LET ME GO. IM SORRY GOD DAMN IT.... PLEASE... GOD... NOOOOOO..."
"Chill out, Alex it's not like i'll hurt as bad as i did Star."
"WHAT DOES STAR... GOD DAMN YOU... GO TO HELL.."
"Such bad language Alex."

He spit on Sarah before she touched him. She pulled his hair a little and told him to watch. The tears in his eyes showed just how much he cared for Kris. It killed every ounce of him, just hoping someone would take him out of the nightmare he was put into but no one was waking him up not even Kris. His brother would find him, he thought this. But when a minute turned into ten, that was when he settled on the thought that even Nick wouldnt come. Sarah made them suffer a while before they got to work. She wanted Kris to be awake before Eddy was going to hurt her. They waited and then when she woke up, Sarah had grabbed her by her hair.

"Have a nice nap."
"Let go of me you phsyco bitch."
"Now Now, behave and i wont let Eddy hurt you as bad."
"No... Let go of me... Stop it."

She struggled against Sarah and Sarah only let Eddy grab her. Alex was sniffling and screaming for her to stop. He was trying to break free. He truly was and then he saw Eddy throw Kris on the floor and typed her hands and mouth. He saw Eddy unzip his pants and was about ready to enter her when the door was barged in by police. The police examine the scene and got Alex and Kris out of the situation before arresting Eddy. What the police didn't know was that Sarah was on the loose....

~~~

Nick was walking for a while with his thoughts to himself. He thought why wouldn't Star talk to him. He thought of reasons and he wasnt the bad one was he? He shook the thought from his mind. He had left her there and he didnt blame her if she didnt want to talk. He had all these thoughts in his mind before they had disappeared by the distraction of cops and an ambalance in his brother's driveway. He ran up to see what was happening and saw Alex and Kris in the back of the ambalance. He tried to go over but only got rejected to see them. He was to explain who he was and then he was able to see them. He saw Kris crying.

"What happened, bro?"
"Kris was almost raped."
"WHAT?"
"Shhh.. dont yell. We were held as hostages by Sarah and remember Eddy?"
"Holy shit, alex. Im so sorry."

Kris was quiet and Alex held her. Kissing her head and telling her it was ok and that he was there.

"So what happened now."
"They arrested Eddy but Sarah escaped. The Police Investigater John McKallen is going to help find her."
"Ok. So what do I need to do for you?"
"Nothing. Just help me take care of Kim."
"Alright..."

Before finishing a sentence, Kris spoke up and screamed. Alex and Nick was startled by this reaction.

"What? What's wrong? Did i hurt you?"
"Nick.. oh my god Star."
"Star?"
"Oh my god. Yeah Star."
"What's wrong with her?"

None of them could speak. They looked in Nick's eyes and saw his sincereness with Star. They could see he would be hurt let alone probably wanting to kill the bastard for what he did to her. Nick wouldnt know just yet. Kris was sure of it. They would go through obstacles for a while because Kris knew Star wouldnt open up so easily. This would be hard for them too. A shattered road that each of them would be taking. Itll be something that each of them would learn and grow a bud to a flower. They would learn from this or maybe god would test them each more.

~~~

The looks that Nick was getting was all it took. He could feel her at the moment for the first time in several days. For the first time in a while, he was feeling her. It felt so good that he was gone. He told Alex he had to go and get to her. Alex gave him the keys to his other car. Nick asked them if they would be alright. They would be because luckily, Nick was going to go get Star and bring her back with him or at least he thought it would be that easy...

Nick left Alex’s house heading where his heart was meant to be. He wanted to hug star and never let her alone again. He was so deep in thought he didn’t realize how fast he was going till he almost hit the car in front of him. He slowed down and sighed hoping to soon reach the airport and be in Arizona by that night. He made it to the airport booked his flight and was headed to Arizona having no idea what he was in for when he found star. He decided to sleep on the plane and when he did his mind was flooded with thoughts of star and how they were always together. He remembered things like it happened yesterday. The cuddling on the couch the eating popcorn and watching movies but most of all the thing he remembers most is being with her intimately and just together he felt so real but yet he still cant understand why she makes him feel so good. He dreamed of her and smiled as a tear ran down his face when he realized he was crying he sat up and knew then that he missed having her around him all the time.

He kept driving as he thought in his head about how beautiful she truly was to him.

She looked so beautiful, an angel in my eyes we made love all night and it was different from Willa and I. I don’t know what I’m doing when I’m around her I cant breathe without star I know that sounds crazy but I never stopped thinking about the time I spent with her it was amazing.

“Hold on star hold on I’m coming home.” He finally said that outloud for himself to hear those words. Home, it was true. He felt it. Star was his home. At least that’s what he thought about and what he felt in his heart.

~~~

When Nick arrived in Arizona, he bought himself a rental car and was heading to Star’s place when he got a really bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, like the ones he got when he thought something was wrong with any of his family or friends. But he shook it off as being hunger pains but he had no idea just how right those pains were. Something bad had happened but could he handle what he will find. He pulled into the complex where Star lives, so wanting to just run and hug her and tell her he was home some how he already knew she would know.



~~~



Star heard a car pull in to the driveway, she pulled the blankets over her self, just hiding and hoping who ever it was would never find her. The one person she wanted she knew would never want her after what Eddy did to her.

~~~
Nick approached the door to Star’s apartment and when he saw the door was hanging open he was a little worried because star never leaves her door open. He walked inside nearly tripping because there were no lights in the apartment. Star let everything get shut off because she was scared to go outside, afraid Eddie would be lurking around every corner. Nick picked himself up and found a candle lighting it when he saw the piles of clothes and bills laying on the floor his heart sank he wasn’t sure whether she left because of him or exactly what happened but he was going to find out. He decided to check upstairs to see if anyone was around he really hoped star was ok. He started going up the steps towards her bedroom wondering what he would find waiting for him when he got there.

Star heard footsteps heading towards her room she grabbed the blanket tighter, wanting to just disappear. Maybe the person wouldn’t notice her, maybe the person would just walk right by. She prayed that the person would go away she was so in thought that she didn’t hear the door opening or the person stepping inside all she could see was a faint light a candle. Nick looked around Star's room holding his nose as a real bad odor seeped through the air. He didn't where the smell was coming from or didnt know what the strench was. So he just kept looking and when he saw something on the bed he thought it was more clothes until he got closer. The blanket started shaking and he heard heavy breathing and sobbing. Then he recognized that cry and almost started crying himself as he said

"Star is that you? Its me, Nick im going to take the blanket off of you now. I'm not going to make any fast movements. What happened to you? Why is it so dark in here?"

Star cried even harder when she heard Nick's voice. She had dreamed so many times he would come back and take her away from this place and now he was here. The only problem was how could she feel safe with Nick anymore.

"Nick is that you? Its dark because everything got turned off, Im used to the darkness after all its all that surrounds me anymore."

"Yes it's me Nick or at least part of me I don’t know anymore."

"Why did you leave me, nick, why? You could of stayed here with me a little longer then maybe nothing bad would of happened and I wouldn’t be like this."

Nick didn’t understand what star was talking about. She seemed different, not the same person he met months ago. What the hell happened, he didn’t know but was going to make sure he found out.

"Star if you needed money you could’ve called. I would of helped you with anything you know that. If you missed me that much you sure didn’t show it by not calling or returning any of my calls. Did you even know I still think about the time we spent together and how I cant breathe when im not around you. I know it sounds crazy but I feel so right being here with you, in this moment right now."

"Nick how can you say I didn’t miss you. I called everyday and you never answered back so I stopped trying, thinking I was crazy to believe you cared about me like I do you or like I did. No, don’t take the blanket off please don’t touch me just stay where you are Nick. You cant help me, no one can not anymore."

Star layed there listening to nick, not understanding how he can feel like that about her. After what had happened, wait nick doesn’t know what that monster did to me. I’m calling out for help and nick doesn’t notice something is wrong. Do I have to cry for him to see me.

"Star what has gotten into you, im not going to hurt you. I did answer your calls. But every time I called, it said disconnected so don’t you dare lay there and tell me I don’t care or feel for you like you do me. I don’t know what these feelings are, Star. I'm so confused but every time I see you I feel alive. Don’t make me look like a bad guy, im worried sick about you and you tell me not to touch you why."

Star looks at nick saying "because you wouldn’t understand that’s why. You don’t know what its like to be violated or hurt. Damn it, Nick just go away. Leave me alone, you weren’t here then so why are you here now besides it’s not like you would want me anymore. I'm dirty and used. Don’t look at me."

"Star what are you talking about, of course I want you and your not dirty. What, wait do you mean violated, whoa did somebody touch you, did someone hurt you. Sweetie talk to me, please tell me what happened. Nick holds Star close when he went to sit on the bed.

"Its ok I’m not gotta let anyone hurt you I got you now."

Star screams and cries begging to be left alone.

"GO"

But Nick just holds her, not hurting her and she cries even harder, breaking down, sobbing so hard that she cant breath. Nick sat there with a look on his face, he now knew he had to find out. Something was wrong but it killed him because he didn't know. He, again looked back at her when she started to talk again.

"I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m confused too. Can you just hold me so I can get myself together. I do care for you nick, I just...I’m struggling so bare with me and I didn’t mean what I said about no one helping me. I want your help. I just don’t know how to take it, ok?"

Nick held Star close, letting her know it was ok, looking in her eyes not seeing the shine he once saw every time he would stare into them. He was so confused and angry but didn’t know why he felt like that. She was in pain, he wanted to make it go away. This is what he thought. Star was telling him to leave when all he wanted was to be with her and he wasn’t giving up with out a fight no matter what he had to do. He held her until she cried herself to sleep then he put her back in the bed. He went to clean up her apartment the best he could. He had to find away to get through to her and make her see he was there for her but how? He didn’t even know where to start, all he felt was sadness for her.

"God I just wish she would talk to me, am I that bad of a person? She really doesn’t want me around. I know I don’t always make things easy and can be chaotic sometimes but she doesn’t know how much I really need her. Ok, now I’m talking crazy what is wrong with me. Have I lost my mind, am I really talking to myself… I guess I am, well, self if your listening help me to help Star find the light through all the darkness."
He took a seat before hearing Star scream.

~~~

Star tossed and turned in her sleep she was having one of them again, she had them many of nights, always trying to fight them off in her sleep but they still manage to come back to haunt her every night.

"You can scream all you want, no one can hear you. Nick will never want you now. This is your friends fault if she would have let me touch her, I wouldn’t have to hurt you but oh well I’m going to like it so much."

"Leave me alone you jerk, leave me alone, why are you doing this to me, what did I ever do to you?"

"Oh nothing, I’m gonna enjoy every moment of this and you cant get away so go ahead yell all you want it makes it more fun for me."

Star sits straight up in bed, screaming.

"NO NO LEAVE ME ALONE GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU DAMN PEOPLE LEAVE ME ALONE."

She starts crying even harder, holding her self as she trys to catch her breath hoping Nick didn’t hear her screaming. As she was battling with her self trying to find away out of her hidden nightmares, the only thing was this would be the beginning of it all.

~~~

Back At Atlanta, Kris tells Alex the big secret...