Chapter 1- Jessica

Jessica Forrester sat in her office in the Jive records pr-department filled with anger. She had let her long blonde hair out and it was hanging down her back. Her green eyes sparkled as they always did when she was mad. She couldn’t believe that her boss was making her promote the Backstreet Boys on their return to the music market. She knew it was a great opportunity for her and that it would really help her career in the promotion business since they had been huge, but she didn’t wanna work with them under any circumstances. Her boss though had made it very clear that she was doing it or she was out. She had no other choice but to do it. She didn’t want to get fired. She loved her job and she was planning on working her way up, all the way to the top.

’At least I don’t have to do this alone, I’ve got Lindsay,’ she thought. Lindsay was her partner at work. They were both young so the company wanted them to team up until they got some more experience. Jess didn’t mind, Lindsay had become one of her closest friends and they were incredible as a team. She was only 27 but she had a great career going on and she had already worked with a lot of big stars, much thanks to her and Lindsay’s teamwork.

She reached for the phone on her desk and dialled the number to her boyfriend. She needed some comfort. The signals went through and she heard his voice from the other end of the line.
“Hello.” Ryan, her boyfriend answered. She smiled as she heard his voice. She could see him in front of her sitting in his office. He was probably busy with some case and his dark hair was messy after he’d been twisting it with his hands as he was thinking.
“Hi baby it’s me.”
“Hi Jess, how are you?”
“I so hate my boss right now.”
“Why? What happened?”
“He’s making me promote the Backstreet boys. They’re releasing a new album and I have to make the world aware of that. ”
“Oh, Jess… I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?” He knew about her feelings and he knew this was going to be hard on her.
“No, I just wanted to hear your voice.”

They talked for a while and decided to meet at her place after work. They had been dating for over a year and she felt that he could be the one. When she thought about the future, Ryan was there with her.

As she hung up the phone Lindsay came storming in to her office.
“My god Jess, did you get that e-mail? You and I are doing the promotion for the Backstreet Boys! This is huge!” She turned quiet as she saw Jess’s face. “What? Why aren’t you happy?”
“I don’t want to work with them! I don’t wanna be around them, I don’t even wanna see their picture in the news.”
“I don’t understand. You don’t want this? Do you realize what this could do to our career? Come on Jess, lighten up.”
She didn’t wanna have to explain her feelings to Lindsay so she put on a smile. “Okay okay, I know this is huge. It’s just... Never mind!”

They decided to start working on some ideas right away so Lindsay sat down. They wanted to be prepared for the meeting the following day.



“Oh no. Tell me this is just a bad dream Kev. We’re not working with Jessica Forrester.” Nick paced up and down the length of the room with an upset expression on his face.
“Calm down Nick, won't you. Yes were working with her and her partner Lindsay Lopez. They’ve been doing some great work, and they’re really on the rise.”
“Why are you so upset about this?” Brian asked from his place on the couch. They were all gathered in a conference room at Jive records, waiting to meet Lindsay and Jessica to start the promotion for the new album.
“I just am, okay? I don’t wanna work with a couple of newbies.” Nick said and turned his face away. He never told them about his connection to Jess and he wasn’t about to do it now.
“Well, they might be young but they have been doing some great work for other artists.” Howie said calmly.

They never got to finish the discussion cause Ralph Myers, the head of Jive’s New York office walked into the room followed by two girls, one tall blonde with big green eyes and one shorter dark one with brown eyes. They were the total opposites of each other. But they were both gorgeous.
“Hello, nice to have you back guys,” Ralph said and shook hands with the guys. “This is Lindsey and Jessica,” he said and pointed to them. “They are gonna work with you on this album launch.”

“Hi I’m Lindsay.” Lindsay walked over to them holding out her hand, giving Jess no other option but to follow her.
“And I’m Jessica, but please call me Jess.”
“Hi Jess.” AJ held out his hand. She said hello to everyone but Nick, even though she knew she’d have to face him sometime.
With a deep breath she slowly turned around and stared into his blue eyes. She gave him a look full of hate and surprisingly saw the same in his.
‘Why the hell is he mad at me?’”she thought.
Nick was equally confused by the hate in her eyes. ‘Why is she mad at me?’
They quickly shook hands and then she instantly turned her back on him again. She didn’t wanna see his face.
‘How am I gonna get through this?’ she thought as she sat down to listen to what they wanted and expected from her.

Chapter 2.- Jessica

“Mum please… I don’t have time for this right now. I’m busy working, you know that.”
“I know, but you could at least take some time off to come visit us when your dad is sick.”
“I’ll try, okay?!”
“Fine.”

They hung up arguing as usual. Since her twin sister Jennifer died three years ago it seemed like that was all they were doing. Jess didn’t wanna go home, there were to many memories, painful memories. When Jennifer died a part of her had died too. But she needed to move on with her life, she wouldn’t survive otherwise.
But her mum didn’t see that. She still hadn’t changed a thing in Jennifer’s room and she got upset whenever someone mentioned that or the fact tht she had to move on. Jessica and Jennifer had been identical twins and Jessica hated the look in her mother’s eyes when she looked at her. It was filled with sorrow and Jessica couldn’t help to believe that her mother wanted Jennifer there instead of her. She knew she saw Jennifer. She saw her too everytime she looked in the mirror. But she had to live with that. She couldn’t help that Jennifer was the one who died, not her.

She reached for a photo standing on her desk. It was of her and Jenn outside their house. They were holding each other and smiling. They had just graduated high school and they were so happy. Tears came to her eyes.
“Oh Jenn, why did you leave me? If you only knew what’s been happening. I’m so sorry, but I have to work with the Backstreet Boys, with Nick... If I could I wouldn’t but I’ll loose my job if I don’t. Please understand that and don’t be mad at me,” she whispered to the photo.

She quickly dried her eyes as she heard a knock on the door. It was Ryan.
“Hi Jess, ready for lunch?”
“Yep, let me just get my bag and we’re out of here.” She got up and gave him a quick kiss. She didn’t want him to see that she’s been crying.
“So where do you wanna go? The usual?”
“You know it,” she said and smiled. She always went to a Chinese restaurant around the corner. She loved it and she wouldn’t eat her lunch anywhere else.
“Fine, come on then!” he said smiling back at her.
“Hey, Lisa! Tell Lindsay I’ll be back in an hour,” she said to their receptionist as she went out.
“Okay. Have a nice lunch.”
“I will.”

They walked over to the restaurant and got a good table by the window. She loved sitting there watching people walk by outside.
“So Jess, how are you feeling about all this?”
“I don’t know. I can’t stand the thought of being around him.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe he’s changed. You don’t know what really happened back then.”
“I know exactly what happened! And I will never forgive him, ever!” Her tone borderlined hysteria, and she shut her eyes to try and calm herself down.
“Okay, easy there,I was just saying…”
“I know and I love you for wanting to help but I’m just gonna do this job and walk away. And hopefully I'll never have too see him ever again.”
For a brief moment she remembered that summer four years ago. Both she and her sister had been so happy, until they’d received the terrifying news that changed their lives forever.

“You weren’t the man I thought you were. You weren’t there when you should have. You just left” She thought and wiped away the memories. She didn’t wanna think about it. She was just gonna enjoy the lunch with Ryan. He always made her feel better. And god knew she needed some cheering up. Not only did she have to work with Nick, she had her mother nagging her too.



Nick was sitting in his hotel room in New York. They had just finished recording a new song and he was tired. It was late but he couldn’t sleep. Tomorrow they had a new meeting with Jive and they were gonna decide what song was going to be the new single.
‘I can’t believe I have to work with her. I don’t want anything to do with her or her family.’ He was mad, but he also felt the old pain burning inside him again. He found himself caught up in old memories from about four years ago.

“Hey you.”
“Hi.”
“I’ve never seen you here before.”
“That’s because I’ve never been here before,” she said and smiled. He stared into her beautiful green eyes, sparkling with laughter. She had long blonde hair and a figure any girl would die for.
“I’m Nick.” He held out his hand.
Before she had the time to answer a girl walked up beside them. He couldn’t believe his eyes. They looked exactly the same!
They saw his surprised face and giggled. “Nick, this is my twin sister, Jessica. I’m Jennifer.”
“Twins huh? Who would have guessed?” he said with a smile, holding her hand in his.

He came back from memory lane with tears in his eyes. That was their first meeting of many.
“Don’t think about her Carter. She’s not worth it,” he said to himself and wiped the tears from his eyes. He fell asleep on the couch dreaming of that summer with that girl he thought had been the one.

Chapter 3- Jessica

“Are you ready?” Lindsay asked Jess before entering the office were the guys were waiting. She took a deep breath before answering.
“I’m ready.”
They stepped in and Brian got up from his seat to say hello. She looked around the room and saw Nick sitting by the window looking out. She instantly turned around as he turned his face and looked at her. She didn’t understand his reaction to her, she was not the one who had done anything wrong here.
“We’re eager to hear your ideas.” Kevin said, interrupting Jess’s thoughts, as they all sat down around a big table where Lindsay handed out some papers.
“Well, what’s on these papers is basically what we have in mind for you,” Lindsay said and smiled. “We need to release your single soon since there are a lot of rumours circulating, and songs leaking onto the internet. So today we thought we’d decide which one it’s gonna be and we’ll get in contact with the radio stations. We need you to do some interviews along with the release of the single. We want you guys to be everywhere. It’s gonna seem like it was only yesterday that Never Gone was released.”

Jess sat next to Lindsay not saying much. She knew Lindsay loved every moment of this and the less she needed to talk the better.
“That sounds great,” Howie said. “Which song do you girls have in mind?”
Jessica took over from Lindsay and answered the question.
“Well we thought about Any Other Way, but we thought Inconsolable would be better in the long run. It sounds like the old you but still different. The fans are gonna love it.”
“I was kind of thinking about Unmistakable,” Brian said, sounding a bit disappointed.
“Unmistakable could definitely be a single in the future but we don’t think it has he same power as Inconsolable. Inconsolable will remind your fans about songs like Shape of My Heart and Drowning.”
“I see your point.” He said and smiled.

They were all caught up in the discussion except for Nick. He was just sitting there staring at her.
‘Seeing Jessica is gonna be harder then I thought. Everytime I see her I see Jenn,’ he thought to himself. “But I won’t let her see that. Never.”
“What do you think about this Nick?” Lindsay asked him.
“It seems fine I guess.”
Brian gave him a quick look. He didn’t recognise Nick. He was always full of ideas and was usually never quiet during meetings.
They ended the meeting and Jessica and Lindsay remained in the office after the guys had left.
“Can you believe that they liked all of our ideas? Wow this is going to be great!” Lindsay said enthusiastically.
“I guess,” Jess said. She felt tired. Seeing Nick brought up bad memories. Memories of a winter sitting by her sister’s bed watching her slowly pass away.

“What’s wrong Jess? You’ve been acting all strange since we got this assignment.”
“Nothing,” she said quickly. She didn’t wanna talk about it. Usually she could tell Lindsay anything but this was too hard to talk about.
“If you say so. But I’m here if you wanna talk.”
“I know.”

The rest of the day passed by quickly as they were busy trying to promote Inconsolable as the new single. When Jess came home to her apartment she noticed that she had a message on her answering machine. She pressed the button and heard Ryan’s voice.
“Hi honey it’s me. I’m not gonna be able to see you tonight. I’ve got a new case and I’m flooded with work right now. I’m sorry. Love you babe.”
She sighed with disappointment but realised he had to work.
“I don’t feel like sitting home alone tonight,” she said to herself. “I need to get out and think about something else then work.”

She picked up her phone and dialled the number to one of her oldest friends, Tara. They had grown up together in a small town outside of New York but they were now both living in Manhattan. Tara was working as a model so she was often busy but Jess hoped she would be home tonight. She needed her.
“Please, please pick up.” She said as she heard the signals going through.
“Hello.”
“Hi Tara it’s me. You’re doing anything tonight?”
“Nope, I’m just sitting here bored out of my mind. Please tell me you’re calling because you wanna go out?”
“That’s exactly why I’m calling.” She laughed when she heard Tara’s begging. She could always count on her.
“Yey! I’ve heard that the new place Toxic is great club.” You wanna check it out?”
“Sure. Come over to my place in an hour and we could get some drinks here.”
“That sounds like a plan to me. See you soon.”
They hung up and Jess felt much better. This was just what she needed to get her mind of things. She went into the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for a girls night out. Just as she was ready she heard the door bell.
‘Perfect timing,’ she thought and smiled as she went to open the door.

Tara came in and they had some drinks before they decided to leave for the club. Jess told her about Nick since she knew all about what happened before. She had been a friend of Jennifer’s too and she had been there the whole time while Jenn was sick. She had leukaemia but everyone had been hopeful about her recovery. When they found out she wasn’t gonna make it Tara had been there for both Jennifer and Jessica.

“I’m so sorry Jess. I know you don’t wanna see him after all that happened. But it’s been almost four years. You need to let it go.”
“I know, but I can’t. Everytime I see him I just wanna yell at him for not being there. He should have been there. But I really don’t wanna talk about it anymore. Let’s just go out and have fun.”

The club were full of people and they had a great time dancing and drinking. Jessica was totally relaxed and thought about calling Ryan to see if she could come over to his place later. Suddenly she felt Tara’s hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t look but Nick’s here, and he’s coming right towards you.”
“Shit!” Jess turned around staring right into Nick.
“I need to talk to you.” He said, grabbing her arm.
“Fine, but let go of me!” she said and pulled out of his grip.
They walked outside and she stood there waiting for him to say something.
“What can you possible have to say that is so important?”
“I just want to make some things clear.”
“Fine, talk.”
“I know I have to work with you, I don’t want to but I have to. I just want to let you know that after this I don’t want anything to do with you, you got it? Not you, and especially not your sister, ever again.”
Jessica gasped for air as she stood there in shock.
‘What the hell is he talking about?’”she thought.
“What are you talking about? I don’t believe you. How the hell can you be so insensitive?”
“Am I insensitive? I’m not the heartbreaker here. Your sister is. I loved her, and she left me!” Nick yelled.

“How dare you talk about her like that? Leave the dead alone. After what you did to her, you don’t deserve to even mention her.”
“Dead? What are YOU talking about?” Nick asked looking at her with a confused expression on his face.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Jennifer loved you, and when she was sick and needed you the most you weren’t there. She needed you and you left her there to die alone. I hate you!”
Jess turned to walk away with tears running down her face. Nick grabbed her and pulled her back. He looked completely shocked and his eyes were filled with pain and tears.
“She’s dead?”

Chapter 4 – Tara

Tara woke up the morning after her night out with Jess, bright and early. She jumped out of bed and turned the radio on, singing along to the music and jumped into a sweat suit. She found her i-pod and was out the door within a couple of minutes, on her way to Central Park for her usual morning run. As she gathered speed she thought about the night before, wondering where Jess had gone. One minute she was there, and the next Nick had yanked her away. “I just hope she’s ok,” Tara thought, stopping to stretch.

When she got home she had breakfast and looked through the new issue of Vogue. Her phone interrupted her halfway through her second cup of coffee.
“Hello?”
“Tara! It’s Marissa. I’ve just got your pictures from the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. They’re gorgeous. You should come by the office and check them out.”
Tara smiled at her agent’s rushed tone. “Yeah. I’ll come by as soon as I’ve finished my coffee and got dressed.”
“Hurry!”
“Yeah, I will.” She hung up and poured her last coffee into the sink. She walked through her apartment to the bathroom, taking a quick look in the mirror before she got in the shower. She was pleased with how she looked, and she knew she deserved it. She had worked hard for her figure and it had paid off well, earning her a job as a model for a bunch of high-end brands. The Victoria’s Secret catalogue was the last in a long line of photo shoots and runway shows, and she’d enjoyed every single moment. She finished her shower and got dressed in a white silk sundress, lined her blue-grey eyes with a black eyeliner, put on some mascara, lip gloss and a pair of sunglasses, brushed her long, dark brown hair and slipped into a pair of black flip flops. She walked the short distance to Marissa’s office.

“Hey!” Tara greeted the receptionist. “Is Marissa in?”
“Yeah. Go right in.”
She softly knocked the door, and before she knew it she had her arms full of her agent.
“You have to, have to, have to see these pictures!”
Tara laughed. “Yeah. That’s why I’m here you know.”
“Yeah. Come on then!” Marissa took a pile of pictures and spread them across her desk. Tara looked over her shoulder as she pointed out the ones she liked best.
“They are nice. I love that one!” she pointed of a picture of herself wearing a set of white bras and panties, with a couple of white wings on her back.
“They wanna use that one for the cover.” Marissa jumped up and down, screaming and clapping her hands.
“Really?” Tara joined Marissa’s jumping and cheered.
“Yes. Really.” Marissa stopped jumping and looked at Tara as if she was crazy.
“Yey!”
“Yeah. It’s nice. More work than you could ever want is coming your way.”
“Good. I want to work.”
“Sooo… did you break any hearts last night?” Marissa asked while she sat down behind her desk.
“What do you know?” Tara smiled slyly.
“There’s a pretty juicy picture of you and Colin Farrell in the papers.”
“Man, they work fast.” She threw herself down on a chair and held up her hands with an innocent gesture.
“Did you get any hot irish action then?” Marissa’s eyes gleamed with curiosity.
“Nah. Just made out with him. God knows where he’s been.”
“Wanna give me his number?”
“Marissa!”
“Didn’t think so. Ah well, it was worth a try.”
Tara laughed. “Yeah. Gotta go. Great pictures though.”
“Don’t forget the Versace shoot on Thursday.”
“Yeah. Like I’d forget Versace?” She laughed as she walked out of the office, waving goodbye to the receptionist.

When she walked home she thought about Jess again. ‘I have to call her.’ She picked up her cell phone and dialled Jess’s number. When noone answered she bit her lip. ‘Not good. Just like that stupid @#%$ to make her miserable.’ She tried to call again, and when noone answered she left a message on her answering machine. A man grabbed her arm as she passed him, making her stop.
“You’re that Victoria’s secret girl. Maaan, you’re hot.”
“Yeah. Thanks. Gotta go.” She tried to tear herself loose, but he was strong.
“Wanna go on a date with me?”
“No. I have a boyfriend. Let go of me.”
He let her go, and she quickly walked away. She started to get used to those types, but she still felt uncomfortable and unsafe. Her phone rang, made her jump.
“Hello?”
“Hey girl. It’s me.”
“Jess! What’s up? You sound terrible. Nick?”
“Yeah. Nick. Told me a bunch of lies, trying to tell me he didn’t know Jenn was dead.”
“WHAT?!”
“Yeah. I feel like @#%$ right now. I’m going home for awhile. Have to try and get some distance to things.”
“You should. I’m sorry I can’t join you. Versace Thursday.”
“It’s ok, Tara. It’s Versace for crying out loud. Go! Have fun, be gorgeous.”
“I’ll try.” Tara laughed as she reached the door to her apartment building.
“Look, if I’m gonna make it there before it gets dark I have to leave now. I’ll call.”
“Yeah. Do so. Drive safe.”
“Always do.”
“Yeah, but…”
“New York traffic is a bitch,” they finished in chorus, both of them laughing. Tara flipped her phone shut and unlocked her door. She got in, checked her messages. Two of them from some guy she’d been out with once, begging for a second date, and one from Marissa. She could hear her jumping up and down and smiled. Then she started talking, or really she shouted. “Tara! Got a call from Vuitton! They want you to model bags for them. I told them you’re on contract with Versace, and they’re ok with that as long as Versace are. I’m calling them now!” Tara stared at her answering machine for awhile, then started to jump up and down, clutching her own Vuitton bag. “Oh my God!!!! VUITTON!”
She called the agency, but everyone was out for lunch. Unable to sit still she wandered her apartment for awhile, noticed that her cleaning lady had been there, sat down in a chair, moved to another one, then lay down on the couch, sat up again, jumped on the bed, but couldn’t keep still there either. She gave up and decided to take a second round in Central Park. She felt as if she was flying. When she had finished her usual lap she ran back home, bounced up the stairs and into her apartment again. She saw the answering machine flashing and pressed the button, holding her breath in case it was Marissa who had called. It wasn’t, but the voice was just as familiar.
“Tara? It’s Nick. Tried to call Jess, but she didn’t answer. I had no idea, Tara. No idea Jenn was dead.” She heard his voice crack as he finished, “Call me, please. I have to apologize to Jess.”
Tara stared at the machine, suddenly furious. She lifted it up, threw it to the floor and watched as the pieces of it flew all over the room. “How dare you call me and tell me all of these @#%$ lies?” she stomped on a piece of plastic, that cut through her shoe and scratched her foot. “Fuck! OUCH!” she threw herself on the couch and pulled the shoe off to inspect the damage, when it hit her. ‘What if he’s telling the truth?’ She pulled off her sock and muttered to herself “Then he @#%$ owes me an answering machine!”

Chapter 5.

When Jess hung up the phone after talking to Tara she walked out to her garage. She had on a pair of sunglasses to hide her puffy eyes. She hadn’t slept much that night. All she had been thinking of was Nick and what he said the night before.

“Hi Charles.” She said to the door man.
“Taking the car out today Miss Forrester?”
“Yes. I’m going to visit my parents.”
“That’s nice.”
“I don’t know about that, but I need to get out of town for a few days.” She walked by him and got in her car.

As she drove off her mind went back to yesterday. She’d seen the shock on Nick’s face when she told him Jennifer was dead. But she still couldn’t believe that he didn’t know. If he didn’t know that would mean that Jennifer lied to her about Nick leaving.

“Jennifer would never lie to me,” she said to herself. “He’s nothing but a fcuking liar.” How could he been telling the truth? She’d seen the hurt look on her sister’s face when she told Jess that Nick had left.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Flashback

“What do you mean he left”? Jessica said with a confused look.
“He’s left. What don’t you understand? We’re not together anymore.” Jennifer answered as she stared out the window with tears falling down her face.
“Jenn, I’m so sorry, I can’t believe he did this to you. What an ass!” She couldn’t believe it. How could he leave her sister like this? She needed his support to get trough her desease.
“Don’t cry Jenn, he’s not worth it,” she said and held her sister who was crying her heart out.
“I love him so Jess…”
“Don’t talk, try to sleep. You need to save up energy for tomorrow.” She thought about Jenn’s first treatment tomorrow and she was terrified. She needed her sister. This had to go away. She didn’t wanna live without Jennifer.
……………………………………………………………………………………………….......

She felt the old anger bubbling inside of her again as she drove home to her parents. The more she thought about it the more she was convinced that Nick was lying. She’d seen her sister after the break up.
If she broke it off then why had she been so upset? But the hurt in Nick’s face last night seemed so real. She was confused.
“Jenn, if only you were here. I don’t know what to do,” she said, wishing she had her sister right next to her.

Within an hour she was home. She stood on the driveway, watching her old home when she saw her mother in the window.

“O boy,” she thought. “Here it goes.”
“Jessica, you’re here.” Her mother came out and gave her a hug.
“Yeah, I figured I could stay until Monday.”
“Come inside honey. It’s cold out.”

They stepped into the house and old memories of her and Jennifer growing up hit her. Her mother hadn’t changed a thing anywhere. The house looked just like it always had.

"Jess, put your bags in your room and come down for dinner. It will be ready in half an hour,” her mother said and walked into the kitchen. “Your father’s sleeping but he’ll be up for dinner.”

Jess walked up the stairs to put her bags away and stopped for a second as she passed Jennifer’s old room. The door was closed but she knew it looked just the same as when Jenn died. She knew she would go in there later to talk to Jenn but she wasn’t ready yet. She hadn’t been in there since she died but with everything that happened the last couple of weeks she felt like she had to go in there to be close to Jenn.

She walked into her own room and sat down on the bed. She turned on her cellphone and saw two new messages. One was from Ryan wishing her a nice weekend at her parents, the other one was from Tara and she didn’t like what she heard.

“Hi, Jess. Listen I know you’re not gonna be happy about this but Nick called. He wants to talk, sounds really upset. What if he’s actually telling the truth?”

“I don’t believe it. How can Tara believe him?” she thought and slammed the phone shut. She decided to go into Jenn’s room before dinner. She needed to feel her presence, even if she knew she wasn’t there. She slowly opened the door and went inside. Suddenly she felt like she was 21 again, sitting by her sister’s bed watching her toss and turn in her sleep. That had been the last time she talked to her before she died.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………

Flashback

Jessica sat by her sister’s bed watching her. She had a high fever and they all knew she wasn’t gonna live much longer. But Jenn didn’t wanna spend her last time at a hospital, so she had a nurse taking care of her at home. Jess took a sponge and gently washed her face.
“Nick…I need you…come back, I’m sorry,” Jenn whispered in her sleep and tears fell down her cheeks. Jessica’s heart ached for her.
“Damn you Nick, for hurting her when she needed you the most, I’ll never forgive you for this,” she thought and wiped away her sister’s tears. Jennifer woke up and looked right at Jessica and grabbed her hand.

“I love you Jessica. Be happy. Tell mum and dad I’ll miss them.” She closed her eyes again and drifted away. Her hand let go of Jessica’s.
“Jenn don’t leave me.” Jessica looked at her in panic. She wasn’t answering her. “Mum, Dad help me,” she screamed as she desperately shook her sister trying to wake her up. They both came running but there was nothing they could do. Jenn was dead.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………


“Don’t think about that,” she said to herself as she wiped a tear away.

“Hi Jenn. I’m home. Not for long though, I wouldn’t stand it. Everytime mum looks at me she sees you. And I can’t stand the sorrow in her eyes.”

She sat down on the bed and suddenly heard something falling down to the floor. She reached down under the bed to see what it was, and found a book.
"What’s this?" she said to herself and picked the book up from the floor. She opened it and took a deep breath. Inside it small text filled the pages with Jennifer’s familiar handwriting.

“My God, it’s Jenn’s diary. I didn’t know she had one.” Before she had the time to read any of it her mother called for her to come down and eat. She quickly sneaked into her own room first, hiding the diary under her pillow. She didn’t wanna tell anyone about it before she had the chance to read it.

Chapter 6- Jess

Jessica lay in her old bed staring at her sister’s diary. Could she really read it?

“This is my sister’s most private thoughts,” she said to herself. “Do I really have the right to read them?” For awhile she was unsure of what to do but the curiosity was too strong. She slowly opened the diary and started reading. Jennifer had started to write it when she was 20, a year before she died. She flipped through the pages and found the parts about Nick.

May 19th 2002.

I met the most gorgeous guy last night. I was out at a new club with Jess and Tara. I don’t get to see Tara that much anymore since she moved to New York for her modelling, but when we do see each other it’s like we never been apart. We’re still the three musketeers. I don’t know why but I’m so tired these days. I always feel like I’m coming down with a cold. But it’s probably nothing. There’s just so much going on at school. Anyways, back to that guy I was telling you about. It’s not just any guy. It’s Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys. He is so cute and he asked me out. We are going to dinner later tonight and I can’t wait. I’ll tell you all about it later. But now I have to go and get Jess to help me pick out the perfect outfit for tonight. If she has the time, maybe she’s out with Todd. I’m so happy for her. She and Todd are perfect for each other. I hope I’ll find what they have someday.


Jess smiled when she read her sister’s thoughts. She remembered that summer. She had been so in love. “I need to tell Tara about this,” Jess thought to herself. She knew that if there was anyone she wanted to share this with it was her. She tried calling her but only got her voice mail. She told her about the diary and fell asleep. She didn’t even notice that she hadn’t called Ryan.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Nick sat on the couch unable to sleep. All he could think about was the terrible news he’d received last night.

“Jennifer is dead. All this time she was dead,” he thought as he stared at an old picture of them together. He had hated her for leaving him without an explanation but a part of him never stopped loving her.
“Why didn’t she tell me that she was sick? Didn’t she want me to be there for her?”
He tried to call Jess again but there was still no answer. He hadn’t heard from Tara either and he started to feel desperate. He needed to talk to one of them to get some answers.
“No wonder Jessica hates me,” he mumbled. “All this time she thought I left her sister when she needed me the most.” He turned his attention back to the old picture and he cried. He cried himself to sleep right there on the couch thinking of Jennifer.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..


“Jess, wake up.” A hand shook her trying to get her attention.
“What?” she mumbled and carefully opened her eyes. “Tara? What are you doing here?”
“What do you think I’m doing here? I got your message and there was nothing in the world that could keep me from coming. I’m yours all day.”
“Thank you.”
“No problem, what are friends for? You wanna show me the diary?”
“Sure, wait.” She reached under her bed and grabbed the book. “Here,” she said and gave it to Tara.
“Are you sure you want me to read this?”
“Absolutely.” Tara took the diary and carefully held it.
“By the way Jess. You so need to let me meet the Backstreet Boys. That A.J guy is effing hot.”
Jess couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ll see what I can do about that.”

Chapter 7 – Tara

“So, what do we do about this?” Tara asked looking at the book in her hands.
“Read it to me!” Jess made herself comfortable in the bed, piling up her pillows behind her.
“You sure?” Tara looked at her friend, shifted on the bed and put her cold feet under the covers.
“Yeah. Start around here…” Jess flipped through the pages and found the dates she was looking for. “That’s when she realised she was sick.”
“Ok.” Tara cleared her throat.

“July 1st, 2002. I just came back from the doctor. He says I have leukaemia. Blood cancer. I’m starting treatments as soon as possible, and my chances are good. I’ll make it through this. I have to.”

Tara hid her face in her hands. “I can’t do this. I miss her so, Jess.”
“Me too, Tara. Me too.” Jessica’s eyes were misty.
“I’ll skip this… nothing interesting, just terrible.” She turned a few pages.

“Here: August 14th. I’m not responding to the treatments. I don’t know what to do. And I haven’t told Nick. Haven’t talked to him since I started treatments. Can’t put it all on him. Everyone thinks I’ve told him, but I haven’t. I’m a terrible person for lying. Terrible.”

Tara gasped. “Oh my god. She didn’t tell him.”
“Of course she did. Read on.” Jess looked angry.

“Ok. August 19th. I broke up with Nick. I didn’t tell him about me. Just said that it wasn’t working, that I didn’t want to be with him. I hate myself for doing it, but I had to. I’m so sad. I can’t do this without him. But he deserves someone who’s gonna live. And I won’t. I can feel it. This isn’t going to have a happy ending. I don’t wanna die. I’m scared. And alone. How am I going to be able to leave Jess behind?”

Tara stopped reading, she couldn’t force the words through the tears anymore. They just kept streaming down her face. She lifted her eyes to look at Jess, and saw her face all white. “Are you ok?”
Jess didn’t answer, just shook her head and pulled the covers over it. Tara wiped her cheeks and looked down into the diary again. Silent she read the last lines.

“I lied. I told Jess and the others that he left me. They wouldn’t understand why I did this. I miss him though. I miss him so.”

Tara put her hand on Jess’s back and patted her gently. As she put the book down it opened to the very last page. Tara read the shaky writing.

“Secrets. That’s what I bring with me to the other side. All the lies I told them. That, and the love I have for them in my heart. For Mum and Dad. Jess and Tara. Nick. The knowledge that I did it all to protect them. I’ll never let that go.

If I’m allowed to get up tomorrow, I’ll go out and burn this book. It shouldn’t be left behind me, and I can’t bring it. And I’m going soon. Far too soon. Jess is knocking on my door now, she’ll sit with me for awhile. I’ll write more when she’s gone to bed. Love, Jenn.”

Tara closed the book knowing that Jenn had died less than 30 minutes after writing what she’d just read. The pain was indescribable. She wrapped her arms around her knees and cried.

Chapter 8- Jess

Since Jessica found out that her sister had lied about Nick she didn’t wanna read the diary anymore, so when Tara asked if she could borrow it she’d said yes. She never wanted to see it ever again.

“I can’t believe Jennifer actually lied to me,” she thought to herself as she sat in her office trying to work out a schedule for the guys. She and Lindsay had booked them on both radio and tv-shows, so they would have a lot of things to do a couple of weeks.

“I need to talk to Nick.” Before she’d change her mind she dialled his number and waited for him to answer.

“Hello.”
“Hi, Nick, it’s me, Jess.”
“Hi,” he said in a surprised voice. “I didn’t expect to hear from you.”
“I know. I need to talk to you but I don’t wanna do that over the phone. Can we meet for dinner tonight?”
“Sure, where and when?”
“Pick me up at work at six and we’ll go some place.”
“Okay.”
“See you later then.”

She hung up the phone and took a deep breath. She had really missed him. They had become really close friends when he was dating her sister and the thought of him leaving Jenn wasn’t the only thing that had upset her. She was upset with him for leaving her too.

“Jess? Hello?” Lindsay said and waved at her. “Come back down to earth again please.”
“I’m sorry. I just have a lot on my mind right now.”
“That’s okay, we are finished here now anyway.”
“That’s great. I need to leave now but I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Sure. Bye!”

She walked out of the office and took the elevator down to the lobby to meet Nick. She was nervous about seeing him. Even though they worked together now, she hadn’t really talked to him. She took a deep breath and walked out of the elevator.

Nick stood down in the lobby waiting for Jess to come down. He was nervous.
“What am I gonna say?” he thought. He knew he had to ask about Jenn to get some closure but he didn’t know how. He didn’t want to upset Jess. He saw her coming out of the elevator and took a deep breath.
“Here we go,” he said to himself and went to meet her.

They arrived at the restaurant fifteen minutes later. They hadn’t said much in the cab. None of them knew where to begin.

“Wow, this is a lovely place,” Jess said and looked around the restaurant.
“I know, I found it last time I was in New York and I totally fell for it.”


A waitress came up to them and gave them two menus
“What would you like to drink?” she asked and looked at them.
“We’ll take white whine.” Nick said.
“So you remembered?”
“yeah best way o get you sick is giving you red. ”

They ordered their food and started eating. They still hadn’t talked about Jennifer. None of them knew how to bring it up. Suddenly Nick stopped eating, fork halfway to his mouth, and looked over at Jess.

“I can’t do this anymore Jess. I need to know about Jennifer.”
Jess slowly looked up at him.
“I understand that. What do you wanna know?”
“I wanna know how she died…”
“She had leukaemia Nick. They tried everything but it was too late.”
“Oh my God, I had no idea,” Nick said in a low voice. “I wouldn’t have left if I knew...”
“Don’t blame yourself Nick. I know now that she lied to us all.”
“I’m so sorry about that.”
“Me too.”

After the conversation about Jenn they started to find their way back to their old relationship. They’d always had fun together before and Jess noticed that she could still talk to him about everything. She knew she had to help Nick through it all… even though it was four years ago Jenn died he only recently found out about it.

“If you ever wanna talk about her don’t hesitate to call me okay?” Jess said as they were having dessert.
“I appreciate it, but right now I need time to let it sink in. But I’m so happy that you’re back in my life Jess.”
“I’m happy too.” She took his hand and smiled at him.

Rrriiing!

“Oh, @#%$. Sorry, I forgot to turn it off.” Jess said and looked embarrased. “I need to take this, it’s Ryan.”

“Hi baby, where are you?”
“Hi, I’m out with Nick. I told you about that.”
“You did? Sorry I must have forgotten about it. Do I see you later tonight?”
“I don’t know… I have an early morning tomorrow. I need to sleep.”
“Please, please, please…” She heard him beg and she couldn’t help but smile.
“Fine,” she laughed. “I’ll be there later okay? But I need to sleep, remember that.”
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you too.” She hung up and turned towards Nick again.

“Sorry about that.”
“That’s okay. I didn’t know you had a boyfriend?”
“Well I do. We’ve been dating for about a year now.”
“I’m happy for you. I hope he treats you well.”
“He does, he’s wonderful. You have to meet him sometime.”
“Maybe tomorrow at the release party?”
“Yeah right… I almost forgot about that. He’s coming so you’ll meet him then. And Tara.”
“That’s great, I can’t wait to see her.”

After dinner they took a cab and Nick came with her to Ryan’s to make sure she got there alright.
“See you tomorrow then,” he said and gave her a big hug before she got out of the car.
“Yeah, good night.”

Jess went into Ryan’s apartment and saw him sitting on the couch watching TV. They spent a quiet evening cuddled up on the couch and Jess fell asleep right there. She was exhausted from all the emotional tension she had dealt with the last couple of days.

The next day went by in no time. Both Jess and Lindsay were busy working on the last details on the release party for the single inconsolable. They had made sure that everyone was going to be there that night.

“I need to get home and change clothes for tonight,” Jess said to Lindsay as they realised there was nothing more for them to do.
“Yeah me too. But I’ll see you later.”

Jess got home and saw her answering machine blink. It was Tara letting her know she’d meet her at the party. She took a shower and got dressed. Just as she was putting the finishing touch on her make up, Ryan called and told her he was outside waiting for her in the cab.
She took her coat and went downstairs. She really looked forward to this night and when they arrived at the party she went straight in to look for Tara.

“Ryan come on.”
“I’m coming, slow down baby.”
“I don’t wanna. I wanna see Tara,” she smiled and kissed him. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
“Maybe we don’t have to just sleep tonight?” she whispered in his ear and smiled.
“You’re bad Jess,” he groaned and kissed her again.
“Hey, you two. Stop that or get a room,” Tara laughed as she came towards them. “This is such a cool party Jess. Everyone that is someone in the music industry is here tonight.”
“I know. I’m really pleased with this.”
“You should be. Now come on. Introduce me to the boys. I haven’t even seen Nick yet.”
“Come on then.”

“I’ll see you ladies later okay, I think I’m seeing a familiar face. I’m gonna go and say hello,” Ryan said and gave Jess a soft kiss before he left.

Jess and Tara went back into the V.I.P room to look for the guys. They were all sitting around a table laughing and drinking. They were not supposed to be seen at the party before they had performed so they were all waiting to get on stage.

“Hey guys,” Jess said and smiled. “This is Tara. My best friend. Hi Nick.” She went up to him and gave him a hug
“We all heard about your sister Jess and were sorry for your loss.” Brian said and went up to hug her.
“Thank you.”
“So this is your friend?” he continued and turned to Tara. “Hi, and welcome.”
“Hi. Nice to meet you all,” Tara said and looked up into Brian’s blue eyes.
They rest of the guys all got up to say hello.
“Hi I’m Leigh. Howie’s girlfriend. Nice to have some females here for a while. I wish Leighanne, Brian’s wife could have been here but with Baylee being sick I totally understand her.”
“Hey what’s wrong with us?” Howie said and pretended to look hurt as he tried not to smile.
“Yeah, we’re wonderful,” Alex said and smiled. “And you’re gorgeous,” he said and turned to Tara and looked her straight in the eyes.
“I guess you look fine too,” Tara said and smiled. Jess and the others just laughed.
“Ouch…woman you sure know how to tell a guy he’s not wanted.” Alex tried to look sad but Tara didn’t notice. She had turned around to search for those beautiful blue eyes again.
“So he’s married,” she thought and felt a bit dissapointed. “To bad, he looked like a nice guy.”

Tara got along with them all and they had a great time. But Jess couldn’t help to watch Tara. There was something in her eyes that made Jess worry. As she watched Tara watch the guys getting up on stage it hit her. Tara had been looking at Brian all night.

Chapter 9 – Tara

Tara felt Jess’s eyes on her, so she turned around and smiled at her friend. She took a few steps closer and leaned in to talk to her, but just then the music started. Realising it was pointless to try and drown it out Tara turned her attention back to the stage. The music was good, and she let her body follow the rhythm with a smile on her face. After the boys were done singing she clapped along with everyone else. She thought of Brian, he’d really put a spell on her, but she decided she wouldn’t go there. He was a married man, and there were so many cute single ones, just in this room. Happy with her decision she looked over at Alex who was just getting off the stage.
“Come on Tara, we should go get some drinks.” Jess tugged on her arm, and she followed. They got their glasses of champagne, and Tara took a sip of hers when she felt an arm around her waist. She turned around and stood face to face with A.J.
“Hey! A.J was it, right?” she smiled mischievously.
“Aww, you know my name.” He smiled at her and winked. “It’s A.J, or Alex. Whatever you prefer.”
She pretended to think for awhile. “Oh… well… then, let’s see...” She studied his face from different angles looking as focused as possible, then smiled again. “You’re an Alex.”
“I am?”
“Yup.” She sneaked out of his arms and looked around the room. She couldn’t help to. She just wanted to know where he was.
“You don’t have to look for me babe, I’m right here.” With a big smile he gently grabbed her jaw and turned her face back towards his. She looked at him and decided he was about five times as hot as he was in pictures. Why not have some fun with him?
“Cute move, Alex.” She laughed at his cheesy line.
“I must say I’m quite proud of it.” Big smile again.
“Geeez…” she teasingly turned to walk away, waiting for him to grab her hand as she knew he would. She didn’t have to wait long.
“Hey, don’t leave, we’re having so much fun. Dance with me.”
“Guess I could.” She held on to his hand and led him to the dancefloor, where she softly slid into his arms.

Jess was standing by the bar talking to Nick, but she still kept an eye on Tara, and when she saw what she was doing she laughed. Nick followed her eyes and couldn’t help but laugh too. “She’s gonna eat him up and spit him out, right?”
“You bet. If she even bothers to take things that far. She’ll make him want her to eat him up and spit him out though, you can count on that.”
“She used to do that before too…”
“Yup, she sure did. She hasn’t changed much.”
They fell silent, both thinking back in time.

Tara was having the time of her life dancing with Alex. He refused to let her go, just held her close even though the song wasn’t slow.
“I’m so thirsty!” she complained.
“Then let’s go get you something to drink!”
They made their way to the bar, Alex ordered a sprite for himself, then turned to Tara.
“What do you want?”
“Babe, I only drink champagne.” She smiled a sly smile.
The bartender handed over their glasses and Tara slowly sipped the champagne, letting out a small sigh.
Alex looked at her, and her eyes met his.
“I miss that taste. Not the alcohol, just the taste.”
Tara took another swig of champagne and let it roll around her mouth. Then she swallowed it and pulled him close. “Well, let’s give you a sample.” She kissed him, opened her mouth up to his searching tongue and played with it for awhile, then pulled away. “Taste good?” She smiled at the surprised look on his face.
“I… ”
“I’m disappointed in you. I didn’t think you’d be that easy to shock.”
“I’m not shocked.” He grinned. “I was just going to say that I didn’t get the time to really feel the taste.”
“Yeah, right. I’m leaving now, McLean.” She turned around and walked her best Victoria’s Secrets-runway walk away from him, just to make sure he was looking.

Jess had watched Tara and Alex from where she was sitting with Lindsay and Howie, and what happened made her smile. She felt like someone was watching her, and when she turned her head she saw Nick staring at her. He nodded at Tara and Alex and smiled. She returned the smile and giggled a little to herself. No, Tara hadn’t changed that much. She saw something she wanted, and she went after it. She looked up when Brian came to the table.
“Hey there! Everything ok?”
“Yeah. I was just trying to call Leigh, but she doesn’t answer. I’ve called the house, her cell, but she doesn’t answer. I guess she just didn’t hear it, but…”
“I’m sure she’s fine, Bri.”
“Me too.” He smiled and took a sip of his beer.

Tara smiled at the mirror in the bathroom. She had touched up on her make up, and was now ready to take Alex by storm. She turned around to make sure that her jeans were still spotless, messed up her hair and fiddled with the straps of the blue-grey silk top she was wearing. “That’ll do,” she thought to herself and walked confidently out of the bathroom. Just outside she bumped into Alex.
“Hey there!”
“Hey!” She noticed that his eyeliner had been freshened up and started to giggle when she realised he’d been to the bathroom too. “I’m not the only one here putting on some more make up,” she thought, and it made her giggle even more.
“What?”
“Nothing.” She tried to get her face straight again. “Wanna dance some more?”
“Nope. I want you to come with me back to my hotel.” His eyes looked straight into hers.
“Oh.”
“Is that the smartest comment you could think of? ‘oh’?”
“Shut up.” She laughed. “I don’t wanna go to some hotel.”
“Why not?” He looked a bit uncomfortable.
“I hate hotels.” She bit her lip. “Come with me instead.”
He stroke his finger along her cheek. “Sure!”
They got their coats, and Tara gave Jess a quick hug goodbye. “Be safe!”
“I always am, Jess. Don’t worry, ok?” Tara smiled and went back to join Alex who was waiting at the exit. But on her way over to him, she bumped into Nick.
“Hi there stranger!”
“Nicky-picky. Never thought I’d see you again. I’m glad I was wrong, though.” She smiled and gave him a hug.
“Me too Tara-trouble. Me too.”
She laughed at his old nickname for her.
“So, what have you been up to?” he asked.
“Oh, you know… getting more or less naked in more or less public places.” They both laughed.
“Same old, same old then huh?”
“Pretty much. How about you?”
“Oh, you know… Trying to avoid cracking glass when I sing, mostly.”
“Any success?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I saw you in those ads girl. If I didn’t know you, Trouble, then I’d say you were hot.”
“Well, I saw your videos, and if I didn’t know YOU, Picky, then I’d say you were ok.”
Both of them cracked up and laughed, supporting each other to remain standing.
“Nah, Picky, you’re a hottie. Gotta go now though, got a hottie of my own waiting by the door.”
He got serious again. “Alex?” as she nodded, he continued “Go easy on him girl. You two are far too much alike for something good to come out of it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
But Nick didn’t hear her question, he’d already turned his back on her and walked away. Tara shrugged and went to try and find Alex.

She found him by the door, and he smiled at her as she put her coat on.
“I was worried you’d left without me!”
“Nah, just ran into Nick, and we talked a little. Sorry.”
“It’s ok. Let’s go now, shall we?”
They snuck out the back door, hailed a cab and went to her apartment.
“Wow, this is a nice place!” Alex said as he wandered planlessly around her apartment.
“Thanks! I love it, it’s perfect for me.”
“Wow!” He’d stopped by a wall in the hallway and was staring at it. “This is gorgeous.”
She walked up to him and looked at the framed picture of her hanging on the wall. She was on a runway in light-pink underwear and had white wings on her back. “Thanks. It’s from my first Victoria’s secrets runway show.”
“THAT’S why I recognized you!”
She laughed. “Oh really. It wasn’t because I was the girl from your dreams then?”
“That too, of course.” He laughed, then turned around and kissed her. Somehow they ended up on her bed, but she had no idea how it’d happened. He was just about to take off her pants when his cellphone went off.
“Fcuking motherfcuk. Gotta take it. It’s my personal phone. Only my mom and the guys know the number.” He got the phone out of his pocket and answered it. “WHAT is it now Howie?” he fell silent as he listened to what Howie had to say on the other end. “Oh my God! Tell me you’re kidding! I’ll be right there!” In a rush he got all the clothes Tara had just torn off of him. “I have to go.”
“What’s happened babe?”
“It’s Leighanne, Brian’s wife. She’s… dead. She was going to take Baylee to the hospital, he was sick and his fever had gone up. She was driving, and a truck hit her car. I have to go! Can I call you?”
“Oh my God! Of course you can, Jess has my number, GO!”
She closed the door behind him, slid down the wall to sit on the floor, and all she could think about was Brian.