If Only.. by babygirl69
Summary: Four friends on a vacation in Los Angeles. Jessica just wants to have a good time. Will a freak run in with her favorite singer turn into love or just another guy in her past that left her heartbroken...
Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters: AJ, Group, Other
Genres: Drama, Dramedy, Romance
Warnings: Graphic Sexual Content, Sexual Assault/Rape, Sexual Content
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 8 Completed: No Word count: 9866 Read: 7646 Published: 06/01/09 Updated: 06/04/09
Story Notes:
I had a new idea in my head, so I thought I'd try it and see where it takes me...lemme know what you guys think!

1. Chapter 1 by babygirl69

2. Chapter 2 by babygirl69

3. Chapter 3 by babygirl69

4. Chapter 4 by babygirl69

5. Chapter 5 by babygirl69

6. Chapter 6 by babygirl69

7. Chapter 7 by babygirl69

8. Chapter 8 by babygirl69

Chapter 1 by babygirl69
"JESSIE! Come on we're gonna miss our plane!"

"I'm comin!" I yelled back down.

I was running late, as usual. I was on my way to California with my best friends, Casey, David, and Steven. We all took two weeks off so we could go to my dream city, Los Angeles. Now, just to give you some background information on us, Casey and Steven have been dating for over a year, and David is gay.

I ran down the stairs with my iPod, the reason I was late. I couldn't find it and there was no way I could make it on an airplane without my music.

"Good god woman come on!" Steven yelled.

I flashed him a shitty look as we walked out the door. When I got in the cab, I couldn't help but grin, after all we were on our way to LA. The city I had always dreamed of going to. The city I'd saved for a year to be able to spend 12 days in. And, best of all, the city the man of my dreams lives in..AJ McLean. Yeah yeah, I know. I won't see him, the city's too big. But hey, I can dream can't I?

When we boarded the plane, I started to get nervous. I had never been on a plane before, and I had always vowed that I'd never get on one. But, when I realized it would give me at least an extra four days in LA, as opposed to driving, I had to agree.

"You ready?" Casey asked, smiling from ear to ear.

"God yes! I'm just scared shitless of this plane!"

"It'll be ok.. we'll be there in a few hours!"

"I know! I'm so glad I have my iPod, I can just put my earphones in and close my eyes."

"I"ll let you know when we land."

I leaned back in my seat, and put my iPod on shuffle. I had over 1600 songs on it, so I was sure to get a variety on the way.



When we landed, Casey shook my shoulders and woke me up. I slowly got up and walked off the plane, following my friends. While we were waiting for our bags, David spotted a guy he thought was hot. And followed him across the terminal. After a few minutes, he returned, with a big smile.

"Well?" I asked

"He gave me his number! His name is Aaron." He grinned

"My God. We just landed!"

"I know!" He said as he picked up his bags, "Now, we have to find you a man."

I shook my head as we walked outside towards the cabs to get a ride to the hotel. "David, I'm not here to meet a man. I just wanna have fun."

"Right. And if you meet a man-"

"I won't do anything about it, because I live two thousand miles away."

"Jessica, you have got to start dating again."

"I will when I meet someone who's not a douche."

"Most men are, you have to meet the right one." Casey added.

"Well, when I meet, the one, I'll date him. With my luck, I won't know who is the one."

"Trust me, yes you will."

I turned to look at Casey, "How?"

"I can't explain it. But, when you look at him, you'll just know. It's the way he looks at you. The way he talks to you, where he takes you, what he does for you. Trust me, Jess, you'll just know."

I could feel my eyes burning from the tears that were threatening to fall, "I hope it happens soon. I'm 24, and sick and tired of being alone."

I leaned my head back on the head rest in the cab. We still had a ways to go to reach our hotel, so I thought I'd use the time to think, and try to clear my head.

When we got to the hotel, we checked into our suite. The four of us had agreed to split the cost of a two bedroom suite, Casey and Steven had one room, and David and I had the other. With two beds in our room, of course. Before we went out for our first day of sightseeing, I wanted to take a shower and freshen up. It was only 11 am our time, which meant it was only 8 am in LA.

I decided to take my time getting ready. I got dressed in a cute mini skirt and a yellow top. I had been going to a tanning bed every other day for two weeks so I wasn't pale, and was proud to show off my tan. I did my makeup and hair, and thought I looked pretty good.

When I walked outta the bathroom, I heard David whistle.

"Why are you so dolled up?"

"I'm not. I just wanted to look cute in pictures..is it too much?" I answered with a smile.

"No. You look great sweetie. You'll definately get a guy."

"David, I told you. I'm not here to meet a guy."

"But, you will."

"I just wanna have a good time. I know I'm not gonna find someone here. So can we just go?"

"Ok, fine. But, if it turns out I'm right-"

At that time, Casey and Andy walked into our part of the suite, Casey was wearing the same outfit, only a green top.

"Oh my god I swear you two need to stop with this damn twin vibe shit!" David yelled, throwing his hands in the air. He was always yelling because it would freak him out when we'd say the same random things.

"Well, Jess..we look great! Let's go!" Casey said.

"Yes. Let's." I said while walking into the hall.

I had just arrived in LA, excited to see all the sights, and try some new restaurants. And, I was not about to let the fact that I was single ruin my vacation. I was determined to have the time of my life, and not worry about finding love. I was going to let it find me. Little did I know, it was about to.
Chapter 2 by babygirl69
Author's Notes:
thanks for your reviews!
Around three that day, we were all pretty tired, so we decided to stop for some lunch. After at least twenty minutes of arguing where to go, we finally decided to go to In-N-Out Burger. I've always wanted to try it, so I was up for it.

"Casey, what are you getting?" I asked while looking at the menu.

"I have no clue. There's too much to try." She turned to Steven. "Baby, what are you getting?"

"Not sure yet."

"You guys aren't helping!" I joked.

After deciding what to order, we ate and were on our way. Steven took Casey into a boutique to buy her a present, so Davi and I went off on our own for a little bit. We were enjoyng all the unique shops, and had already spent around a hundred dollars each on clothes. We spotted a coffee shop and stopped for a drink.

"Oh David! Coffee!" I exclaimed when I saw the sign.

I love my lattes and frapaccinos, and was utterly excited when I saw the building.

"A frap sounds really good." David said, opening the door and letting me walk in first.

Of course, me being my clumsy self and not paying attention, I ran right into the man in line in front of me, as he was turning to walk away, causing him to spill his latte all over me.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry sweetheart!" He said, tossing his cup to the side.

He grabbed some napkins for me, trying to help me clean up.

"Oh..it's ok..no I'm sorry. I should've been paying attention! Let me buy you another drink!" I exclaimed, trying to clean myself up.

"No no..let me buy you one. It's the least I can do for spilling my drink on you. I ruined your shirt. And it's such a beautiful shirt on you."

"No, it's completely my fault." I said, as I looked up.

I gasped when my eyes focused on his face. I couldn't believe it. I must have stood there silent for at least a full minute before he spoke.

"What is it you're drinking? I'll buy it for you." He said.

"Umm. I-I.." I finally snapped out of my state and was able to answer him. "Um a vanilla frapaccino."

He flashedme his famous grin and nodded. He walked up to the counter to place his order, while I turned around to find David.

"David!" I shrieked as quietly as I could.

"What?"

"Have you not been watching?"

"Watching a guy spill his coffee on you?"

I stared at him for a second, "David. Look at him."

He looked behind mem then, bugged his eyes almost out of his head. "That can't be."

"It is! Now, excuse me! I have to get back over there!" I said, walking up to the counter to get my drink. And maybe talk to him.

He smiled and handed me my drink, "Here you go hun, I'm really sorry about your shirt. And, I hope my coffee didn't burn you."

I saw sincere concern in his eyes and melted. "No, it didn't, and don't worry about my shirt, I can get the stain out."

"Ok good." He smiled again, holding out his hand. "I'm AJ."

"Yeah, I know...I'm Jessica."

"Nice to meet you Jessica. So, you here with your boyfriend?"

I looked back at David, his eyes glued to us, watching our every move. "God no. He's gay." I laughed.

"Oh!" He said with a soft chuckle.

"I'm single, here on vacation with my three best friends."

"Having fun?"

"Yes. I've been here for less than twelve hours and I already don't ever wanna leave." I answered.

"I love it here, it's such a great city."

David inerrupted us by holding his cell phone up to my face. "Casey wanted to tell you something.

"Oh," I turned to AJ, "Excuse me."

He nodded and I took the phone.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, we're gonna meet you guys back at the hotel ok?" Casey said

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you tonight. Have fun!"

I hung up the phone and gave it back to David, turning my attention back to AJ.

"Sorry."

"No problem," He answered. "Would you like to join me at a booth?"

"I'd love to."


I joined AJ at a booth in the corner of the shop. David said he was going to run down the street and go in one more store before we headed back to the hotel. I think he just knew that I'd want to be alone with AJ. I wanted to be selfish and keep him to myself.

We talked over coffee for a good hour about everything. All the little things about ourselves. I told him all about myself. We shared our favorite books, movies, music, and foods. When I told him that my favorite artist was Backstreet, he got a little smile on his face.

"Who's your favorite?" He asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Umm..you." I answered, in a quiet, shy voice.

"Aww." He said.

I giggled and apologized yet again for running into him.

"So, do you have plans for tonight?"

"No, I'll probably just sit in the hotel with David, since he's underage."

"Well, how about you let me take you out?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes." He smiled. "I'll take you to dinner, and then we can go dancing or something."

"I'd love to."

"Great. Where are you staying? And, I'll probably need your cell phone number."

I told him the name of our hotel and our room number, followed by my cell number. He entered it into his phone, then sent me a text so I would have his.

"So, I'll pick you up at your hotel around seven?"

"That's perfect."

"Great. I'll see you tonight." He smiled

"Ok. Bye." I said as he pulled me in for a hug, before we both went our separate ways.


When David and I got back to the hotel, I immediately started to get ready for my date with AJ. I still couldn't believe I had a date with AJ McLean. And, I hadn't told anyone yet. When I emerged from the bathroom dressed up and full makeup on, David gave me a look.

"What are you doing missy?" He asked me, acting like my father.

"Umm..I kinda have a date with AJ...." I trailed off.

"And you didn't tell me!?"

"Sorry?"

"Oh! We've gotta tell Casey!"

"But, she's not home yet.."

Spoke too soon, she walked in at that moment.

"Casey! Come here!" David yelled.

"What?" She asked as she sat on my bed next to me.

David looked at me, then at Casey. "Our friend Jessica here..has a date tonight..with a man she met today in a coffee shop."

"Oh?"

"Yes." I answered.

"That's not all." David added. "The man she met, was none other than her favorite person in the world... yes. AJ McLean."

Casey's and Steven's eyes both bugged out of their heads, and yelled at the ame time. "Are you serious?!"

I stood up, putting on my shoes when I saw that it was 6:59. "Yeah..he'll be here any minute. So, I'll tell you all about it later. And it's not a date David."

I looked at him and continued, "He's just taking me to dinner to make up for the coffee on my shirt."

"Keep telling yourself that Jess. He likes you. And it is a date."

"You know I don't date."

"Well, tonight you're gonna start. Because you deserve to be happy."

There was a knock on the door before I could answer. I waslked over to the door and opened it, seeing AJ on the other side.

He smiled big when he saw me. "Hey, you look beautiful. You ready?"

"Yes..and thank you" I said, blushing at his comment.

I turned around to look at my friends, "Bye guys." I said.

"Bye." they all said in unison.

I shut the door behind me as AJ took my hand and led me down the hall and out of the hotel to his car outside.
Chapter 3 by babygirl69
That night was wonderful. AJ took me out to eat at a cozy little italian restaurant, and afterwards we went to a club for a little bit, where we danced, and had a great time. After we'd been there a while, he took me back to the coffee shop, where we met. We sat in the booth getting to know each other. I told him how I loved LA, and never wanted to go back home.

"You wanna live here forever?" He asked.

"Maybe not forever..but, I hate where I'm from." I squinched my face in disgust at my hometown.

"Where would that be?"

"Indiana. Ew."

He giggled, "Aw, your face was adorable. Do that again."

I squinched my face up again, then giggled at his expression. He was so adorable, I couldn't help but stare for a few minutes.

He must've noticed and asked, "What?"

I shook my head and smile apologetically, "Sorry. I just still can't believe I'm here. I'm like a huge fan.."

I noticed his facial expression change when I said that, so I quickly cleared that up.

"Not like a stalker or anything." I chuckled, "I'm just really honored that you let me meet the real you, and not just the singer."

I maintained eye contact with him, so he would know I wasn't lying. I wanted to make sure he knew I wasn't here because I wanted something.

"I'm glad you wanted to meet the real me, and not just the singer." He smiled. "Most girls just want me to get them a record deal or something."

"Well, I can't sing, so no problem here!" I joked.

He laughed and asked, "Can I hear you sing?"

"Hey! I'm supposed to be asking you to sing! Not the other way around! ...maybe later on, when
we're not in public."

"Ok. I guess I can wait." e grinned. "So what's your favorite song of all time?"

"Oh..that's like an impossible question! But, if I had to pick ine, I'd say Yes I Will."

"Really? As in my Yes I Will?"

"Yes sir." I smiled and nodded. "It's a beautiful song."

"Thank you." He smile.

"So what's yours?"

"God, I dunno..there's so many! Lemme get back to you on that one."

"K." I answered.

We finished our coffee, and realized it was almost midnight. We decided it was time to call it a night, and for me to go back to my hotel room. He was the perfect gentleman. He walked me back up to my room.

We stood outside my door for a few minutes talking befor I went back in.

"I had a really nice time tonight Jessica."

"I did too. Thank you."

"My pleasure. So, what are you doing tomorrow?"

"Um, probably shopping or sightseeing. Why?"

"I was just wondering if you wante to get together again?" He asked shyly.

I grinned, "I'd love to. But, aren't you like working in the studio with the guys or something?"

"Yeah, for a few hours. I would ask if you want to come watch, but, most girls don't want to."

"Oh I'd absolutely love that. More than you know. But, I don't think I should. We just met."

"How about, we spend some time together, and then, one day before you leave, I'll take you to watch us. How's that sound?"

"That sounds great."

"Great." He smiled. "So, I'll call you tomorrow. Good night Jessica." He pulled me in for a hug, and kissed my cheek gently.

"Good night AJ." I returned the hug, and kissed his cheek.

When I walked in, I was greeted by my friends, all waiting for the details of my night.

"Well?!" David asked

"Well what?" I played dumb.

As I was getting into bed, after changing into my pj's, Casey sat on the edge to get the information.

"How was it?" She asked

"Oh, Casey..it was the best night ever. He took me to dinner, then dancing, then we went for coffee and ended p just talking for hours. And..he;s taking me out again tomorrow..."

She smiled and hugged me, "I'm so happy for you."

"It's not a date Casey."

"Was there a goodnight kiss?"

"On the cheek."

"Ok Jessie. Dinner. Dancing. Coffee. Goodnight kiss. Already made more plans. Sounds like a date to me."

"I don't know. I don't wanna think it was, onl to find out he was just being nice. I don't wanna get hurt again."

"Jessie, I know you've been hurt by guys, but give AJ a chance. You never know, maybe you'll have something with him. Maybe he's, the one. Remember I told you you'd just know? Well, you'll know by the second date."

"We just met. And we live 2000 miles away. If we do form a relationship, it can't be romantic. It will only cause heartache for both of us."

"Jess, I wish you'd realize how much you have to offer. You are an amazing, caring person. You deserve the best. And one day, you'll have it. I know it."

"At least someone does." I said, sadly.

Everytime I started to talk about relationships and my lack of one, I got depressed. All I wanted was someone to love, who loves me back. I didn't think that was too much to ask for. Just one man, that will always be there for me, no matter what. A man to love me for me, and not try to change me. One that won't hurt me, or put me down.

"Casey, I love you, but I need to get some sleep."

"Ok. I love you Jess, just promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"Promise me that if you spend time with AJ, and you two have something, that you'll find a way to pursue it."

"Ok. But, I still don't think-"

"Promise me."

"Ok, Casey. I promise."

"That's all I ask. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I laid in bed thinking of AJ. I kept replaying the night over in my head. I was so lucky to have gone out with him, even if it wasn't an official date. I had a great time, and I couldn't wait to see him again tomorrow. I just hoped I wasn't setting myself up for a broken heart.
End Notes:
you guys like it so far?
Chapter 4 by babygirl69
The next morning I woke to the sound of David yelling about socks. I sat up slowly and rubbed my eyes, squinting because of the bright light shining in through the window.

"David, what is wrong?" I asked, still half asleep

"I can't findmy mother fuckin sock!"

"Calm down!" I giggled, "It's a sock!"

"I know it's a sock. But, this always happens when I leave home!" He threw the sock in his hand down, "Fuck it. We're in Cali, I'm wearing flip flops."

I laughed and shook my head as I walked into the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. After, I was clean and my mouth was minty fresh, I went back into the room to find an outfit for the day. I was still wrapped in a towell, and heard David whistle.

I looked over at him, raising an eyebrow. "What?"

"Is that how you're going out? If so, I'm going. You'll have men everywhere!"

"David..I'm going to get dressed as soon as I find a winning outfit. Help me?"

"Sure sweetie." He answered and walked to my suitcase. He picked out a few tops and some shorts for me to put together.

After a few minutes, we had the winner. A jean mini skirt, with a purple halter top, and white flip flops. I straightened my hair so that it was pin straight, then applied some anti frizz cream, just in case. I did my makeup, and spritzed my D&G perfume on my neck and wrists. After, a quick lip gloss check in the mirror, I was ready to go.

Casey and Steven must've sensed that I'd be ready, because they had just walked in, ready to get some breakfast.

"Ready guys?" Steven asked

"Yep." David answered.

Then came Casey's answer. "Yes."

He looked at me, lost in a text from AJ. "Ready Jess?"

I looked up, confused about what was going on. "Do what?"

He smiled, "You ready to go eat?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I was just finalizing my plans for tonight."


The four of us went to the nearest IHOP for breakfast. I usually always want to try something new when I'm out of town, but for some reason, IHOP sounded really good.

After we ordered, I felt all eyes upon me. Looking up from my phone, I asked. "What?"

"Who are you talking to?" Casey asked, with a small smile on her face.

"AJ." I answered quietly.

"Oh? So, what are you doing tonight?"

"He's picking me up at the hotel at 4. Then, we're going to get an early dinner, go to a movie, and then somewhere else. But, he said it's a surprise."

"He's already surprising you?"

"Casey. He's just sweet. Ya know. I always knew I'd like him if I ever met him, but I couldn't have even imagined liking him this much...he's so down to earth and sincere. he's the sweetest guy I've ever met."

"Really? Well I'm happy for you." She said, catching a look from me before adding, "Even if it's not a date. I'm glad you're having such a goo time here."

"Thanks. Me too."



After three hours of shopping, we went back to the hotel to rest. It was alread 3:30, so I needed to freshen up for AJ. I decided to keep the same outfit, and just redo my makeup, and spray more perfume, since it had worn off.

I heard a knock at the door, and looked at the clock, 4:01. I smiled to myself and opened the door, seeing AJ standing on the other side, with a rose.

"Hey." I said, grinning when I saw him.

"Hi. This is for you." He handed me the rose. It was pink, and honestly the most perfect flower I'd ever seen. It was flawless, and had the thorns perfectly cut off, leaving no sign that it ever had any.

"Thank you AJ." I kissed his cheek and took the rose inside to put it in some water.

Since I was in a hotel, I had very few options, so I opted for a plastic cup on the sink filled with water, and placed the rose inside. I could buy a small vase for it later.

AJ followed me inside to meet my friends. He had already met David, sort of. And, I wanted him to meet Casey, as she wanted to meet him.

"Casey! Come here! Steven you too!" I yelled so they would hear me in the other room.

When they entered, I introduced them.

"Guys this is AJ. AJ this is Casey..and that's Steven."

"Hi. Nice to meet you both." AJ shook both their hands and offered a sincere smile. Turning to David, he held out his hand, "David, right?"

"Yeah. Hey. How are you?" David asked.

"Doin' good. Thanks."

I was beginning to feel uncomfortable and ready to leave. "So, you ready to go?" I asked AJ.

He looked at me and took my hand, "Yeah, let's go." Before leaving we turned to the others and both said, "Bye guys."


After dinner, AJ took me to a movie, Step Brothers. We both loved Will Ferrell, and laughed hysterically in the audience. After the movie, AJ took me to the beach. To his favorite spot.

"I've never been to the beach."

"Never?" He asked, as if he didn't believe me.

"Never. I was going to make sure I went before I left LA, but this is my first time."

"Well, I'm glad I brought you then." He smiled, proud of himself.

I chuckled softly and began to walk towards the waterm taking my flip flops off so they wouldn't be ruined.

"Hey! Wait for me!" He yelled, running to catch up to me.

"Sorry." I smiled, "You've been here, I haven't. I got excited!"

He took my hand and led me to where we had the perfect spot. Not too close to the water we'd be splashed on. We sat on the sand and just watched the water in silence for a few minutes.

He broke the silence, "So, are you having a good time so far?"

I looked over at him, in his eyes. "Yes. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled, and continued to watch me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing.." He whispered back.

I looked back at the water, but could feel his eyes still on me, I turned my head back towards him. Before my brain could process what was going on, he cupped my face with his hands and kissed me.

The kiss seemed to last forever, but in reality was only a minute or two. It was soft and gentle, with just a hint of force. He parted my lips with his tongue, and softly caressed my tongue with his. When he broke the kiss, my eyes remained closed, never wanting to let the moment go.

When I finally did open my eyes, I saw AJ looking into them. I was speechless, to say the least.

"Jessica?" He whipsered.

"Yes?" I whispered back.

"I've been wanting to do that since last night...Was it too soon?"

I shook my head, "No, it was perfect." I smiled, letting him know I enjoyed it just as much as he did.


Later that night, AJ took me back to the hotel. He walked to my room, as he did the night before, and kissed me goodnight. It wasn't the same type of kiss we'd had on the beach, nor did it contain it's heat, but it was still wonderful.

"I'll call you tomorrow." He said when he broke the kiss.

"Ok. Good night." I smiled.

"Goodnight." He waited until I closed the door to leave.

When I got inside, everyone was already asleep, so I went straight to bed, and fell straight to sleep, with dreams of AJ in my head.
Chapter 5 by babygirl69
Author's Notes:
2 chapters in one night!! woo hoo!!
So, this is my eleventh day in LA. Which meant, tomorrow at 11 am, my plane leaves to go back home. I've seen AJ every day except one since I've been here. We had gotten to know each other a lot these past two weeks. We aren't a couple or anything, but we do kiss goodnight when he takes me back to my hotel, and we've been involved in three or four make outs in the back row at the movies.

Today, however, is gonna be a sad day. Because it's my last here, which means saying goodbye. I ddin't want to say goodbye, I hated goodbye. As much as I might have fought for this not to happen, my heart did it anyway. It fell for him. And now, I had to let go.

"Jessie? You ready?"

"Leave me alone Casey!"

I rolled over in my bed and covered my head with the covers.

"You have to get up Jessica!"

"No I don't!"

"Why?"

"Because." I felt a tear roll off my cheek as Casey pulled the blanket off my head.

"Sweetie what's wrong? Did something happen with AJ?"

"Yes." I sniffled.

"What?"

"My heart fell for him, and now I have to leave him."

I sat up in bed and wiped my face. I looked up at Casey, who wrapped her arm around me to comfort me.

"I'm sorry Jess."

"You made me promise..you made me promise that if I felt something with him, I'd pursue it."

"Yeah, I did."

"Well, how can I pursue it when I'll be so far away?"

"I don't know hun."

"What am I supposed to do, Casey?" I asked, letting the tears flow, as I burried my head in Casey's shoulder.

She rubbed my back, "Shh..it'll be ok. Everything will find a way to work out."


After ten minutes or so, I finally calmed down, and decided to get ready for my last day in LA. There were still so many places to visit, but I didn't care about any of them. I was spending my entire day with AJ. I wanted to spend all the time possible with him.

Around noon, he picked me up. He took me to his house, after I begged him to let me see it. I was curious if his house matched his personality as well as he said it did. When we walked in, I fell in love with it. His decor was incredible. It was gothic and classic at the same time. It matched him perfectly.

He gave me the grand tour of his home, not leaving any rooms out. He even showed my all three of his bathrooms. They were all different in their own way. After the tour, we went into his living room, where we lounged on his couch.

"I don't want you to leave tomorrow." He said, finally breaking the silence that fell over us.

"I don't want to either. But, I have to. My job and apartment are all back in Indiana. And all of my stuff...I wish I could find a job and apartment here within the next 24 hours." I said, frowning as I thought about leaving tomorrow.

"Me too. I really love spending time with you."

I sat up so I could look at his face. "I really love being with you." I continued, "I know I'm a fan, but, meeting Alex, meant everything to me. I always heard you say there was a difference between AJ and Alex. And, I see it. And, I love it."

He smiled, "Call me Alex. I like it coming from you."

"Ok." I smiled. "Alex."

He hugged me and we just sat on the couch holding each other. Over the past two weeks, we had talked about almost everything. We knew each other better than best friends did. I told him things I'd never even told Casey. And he trusted me enough to tell me things he's never told anyone. The fact that he trusted me that much, made me the happiest girl in the world. He knew I'd never hurt him in any way, and that meant everything to me.

"What do you wanna do for your last night?" He asked, quietly in my ear as he held me close.

"I don't want it to be my last night...can I ask you something?"

"Sure. What is it?"

I broke from his arms, turning around on the couch so that I was facing him and sitting up straight.

"I'm just wondering something. I've been trying to figure it out for days."

"What's that?" He asked.

"What are we doing? I mean, are we dating? Or just friends?" I began to ramble. "I mean, I know we're not like an officail couple or anything.but, if we're just friends that confuses me because we kiss, and-"

"Jessica slow down!" He laughed.

"Sorry." I said, giving him an apologetic look. "I'm just curious."

"Jess, I really like you. I'd like to think we're more than friends.."

"I really like you too, Alex."

He smiled and cupped my chin. As he leaned in to kiss me, my heart skipped a beat. The kiss only lasted a second or two before he continued speaking.

"The only problem is...you're leaving tomorrow. And, long distance relationships are really, really hard."

I nodded, and lowered my head, "I know."

"I know you have to go back, I'm not gonna ask you to move here when we've only known each other for two weeks. Besides, we can talk on the phone everyday..and text all day. Plus, there's webcams, and I can visit you every few weeks. And, sometimes you can come back out here. We can find a way to make it work."

He held me and let me softly cry on his shoulder, as the sun went down. We fell asleep together like that on the couch. When I woke up the next morning, it was to my cell ringing. Casey was calling, and I knew why.

"Yeah?" I answered after flipping my phone open.

"Jessica, where are you? It's 9, our plane leaves in two hours."

"I'll be there, I'm at Alex's house. Will you bring my stuff to the airport, and I'll ask Alex to drop me off."

"Sure. And, Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry we're leaving."

"Me too. I'll see you in a little bit."

I flipped my phone closed, and stretched my legs. When I looked down, I saw Alex laying on the couch, sleeping. He looked like a perfect angel. His eyes were softly closed, and his mouth was open just slightly. And, the way he had himself curled in a ball was adorable.

I shook him awake gently, and waited for him to sit up before telling him it was time.

"Good morning." He said with a smile

"Morning." I smiled back

His smile slowly faded as he realized what time it was.

"Um, do you think you could drop me off at the airport? If not, I can take a cab, it's fine."

"You're not taking a cab. I'll take you. Should we go now?"

"Probably."

He sighed and stood up. After we both freshened up a bit, we left for the airport. He parked in the lot, and walked me inside. Not ready to let him go yet, I stood, wrapped in his arms until the boarding call.

"Attention passengers. Flight 345 to Indianapolis, is now boarding at gate 3." The lady said over the intercom.

I looked up at Alex, and felt my tears falling from my eyes. He cupped my face and leaned in to kiss me. It was a tender, loving kiss. When he pulled back, I saw a tear run down his cheek.

"Alex?" I whispered, and wiped his tear away with my thumb.

"Sorry." He whispered, and chuckled.

"I guess I have to go."

"Ok."

"Bye Alex." I said, kissing him one last time.

As I took my seat on the plane, I bowed my head and prayed to God to find a way to lead me back into his arms. The one thing I didn't want when I went to LA was to fall in love. And, that's just wat happened. Leaving me with a broken heart..
Chapter 6 by babygirl69
When I arrived back home, I walked in the door, dropped my bags, and went straight to my room. I heard Casey calling for me, but I just ignored her. I had't spoken a word the enitre way home. Including the flight, and the car ride. When I got in my room, I crawled onto my bed, opened my cell phone, and called Alex.

He answered after three rings, "Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hey. I was starting to get worried about you. It's been so long."

"Sorry, we got stuck in traffic."

"It's ok, it's so good to hear you. I already miss you."

"God, I miss you too." There was a slience, so I took the opportunity to ask, "Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"How are we gonna make this work?" I paused, "I mean, I've been gone less than six hours and already miss you like crazy."

"We'll find a way...I have a few weeks off next month, I could fly out and see you. We could spend the entire two weeks together."

I smiled, "I'd love that. But, how will I make it til then?" I sighed, playfully.

"We'll talk everyday. Promise."

I heard someone talking close to him. "Jess, I've gotta go. But, I'll call you later tonight ok?"

"Ok. Bye."

"Bye babe."

'Babe' I loved the sound of that. I got up and went out to the living room, slumped down on the couch and saw Casey and Steven kissing at the door before he left.

After Steven left, Casey turned around and saw me.

"Jess? Are you ok?"

I nodded, but still didn't speak.

"You haven't said a word since we got on that plane..please talk."

"I don't have anything to say." I answered, in a soft, quiet tone.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't even think of how it would be when we had to leave."

"Yeah..I guess I'm just stupid for even thinking this would work."

"You're not stupid. Did you guys talk about it?"

"Yeah. He said we'll find a way to make it work. But, he also admitted that long distance relationships are really hard." I felt my eyes tearing up as I continued. "Casey? You know how you said I'd just know?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I know. And it has nothing to do with who he is. I have honestly never felt this way about anyone before. Not this strongly. What am I supposed to do?"

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry." She said, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.

"I wish I could afford to move to LA. I know that's crazy though, right?"

Well, I dunno. I mean, I can't tell you what to do. If moving to LA is what you feel is the right thing to do, then I'll stand by you, and support you."

I leaned my head back to think, I was so confused. I needed a sign of what to do.

"How about we go get some lunch and try to get your mind off this for a little bit." Casey said.

I nodded and followed her out the door, and into her car.




That night, Casey and I went to my parents house for dinner. I wasn't ready to answer all their questions at the dinner table.

"So, Jessica, how was LA?" My mom asked

I was barely eating my food, "Ok." I said, in a monotone.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't wanna talk about it mom."

"Jess?" My mother was now pushing me because she knew something was going on.

"Mom. I just don't want to talk about it, please." I said, looking in her eyes. When she actually decided to look at me, she dropped the subject, knowing something was wrong.

"So, when do you girls go back to work?"

"The day after tomorrow." Casey answered for me. We worked together in a clothing store, we were the assistant managers.

"Well, at least you still have another day off to reajust to reality."

I don't know what it was about her comment, but it hurt. I think it was the fact that, even though she didn't know anthing about Alex, it was like she was saying I'm not being realistic.

I stood up, "Excuse me." I ran outside and sat at the edge of the pool in our back yard, putting my feet in it.

Being close to the water like that at night, made me think back to the night Alex took me to the beach. Where we had shared our first kiss. Where I wish I could go back.

"Jessica?" I heard my mom say from behind me.

She sat next to me, putting her feet in the water as well.

I lookedover at her, "Yes?" I whispered.

"Casey told me. I'm so sorry baby."

"I don't know what to do mom. Tell me what I should do. Please.'' By this time, I was bawling, and begging for her to help me.

"Sweetie, I can't tell you what to do anymore. You're 24. Do you love him?"

I looked at my mom, and sniffed. "Yes."

"Even though it's only been two weeks?"

"I know it's been a really short amoint of time. But, didn't you just know when you first started dating daddy?"

"Yes. I did. I knew after a week."

I smiled through my tears, "I love him mom. I do. I just don't know what to do to make it work other than go back."

"Honey. You know you can't just pack up and move to Los Angeles. I want you to be happy, but you have to be rational about it."

I shot her a look, "How is moving to the city where the man I love lives irrational?"

"Sweetheart, I know you want to be with him. But, what will you do for money? Where will you live?"

"I'd find a job. And, I could stay in a hotel until I found an apartment. Or I could stay with him."

"Jessica." She stood up. "I want you to be happy, but, what you're thinking is just crazy." She said and walked inside.



After dinner, I was on my way home when Alex called.

"Hey." I said

"Hey babe. Whatcha up to?"

"Driving home from my parents house. Boy was tonight fun. And I mean that as sarcastically as I can."

"I'm sorry sweetie. What happened?"

"I fell apart during dinner. Then, went outside to be alone, and sat by the pool. Well, that just made me think of the night you took me to the beach..."

"Ohh..I'm sorry. I wish you were here. Or I was there. At this point I don;t care where I am as long as I'm with you."

"I know."

"Can I tell you something?"

"What?"

"You are honestly the only girl I've ever felt completely comfortable with. It's like I can be myself, and not worry about you not liking it. I feel like I can tell you anything, and trust you 100%, and not have to worry about you using me. You are exactly like me in so many ways. We like all the same things, you know?"

"Yeah. I know. I feel the exact same way. I've had relationships in my past, but I've never felt about someone like I do you."

"Same here. I can't wait til next month to see you again."

"God me too."

We stayed on the phone for the rest of the night. When we hung up, I looked at my call timer, 4 hours 52 minutes, and 34 seconds. It was 1:30, so I decided to just go to bed and try to sleep. I laid there trying to think of how to get in his arms without quitting my job and being 'rational' as my mother put it.
End Notes:
thanks for your reviews! im really starting to get into this one!!
Chapter 7 by babygirl69
The next few days went by slower than any other time I can remember. Casey and I have gone back to work, today is our third day back, and I have never hated this place more. Not only did I miss Alex, whom I texted all day everyday, and spokeon the phone at least two hours a night, but I also realized that everything and everybody here wwas just the same as always. No one ever changed. They came in to buy the same jeans and t-shirts everyday.

Steven and David are over tonight. David has a date later, but wanted to check on me since I hadn't talked to him since we left LA. Casey ordered a pizza, and Steven brought a new movie over for us to watch.

During the movie, I couldn't help but watch how Casey and Steven interacted with each other. Always lovey with each other, kissing, and touching in some way. Watching them made my heart ache for that kind of love. I wasn't asking for a serious relationship right now. I didn't want to rush into anyting, and ruin it. But, I wanted to start building towards all that Casey and Steven have.

After the movie, I went to the kitchen for a drink, and heard Casey behind me.

"Jess, you ok?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You just seem..I dunno. Like you're a little..depressed."

"Look Case," I let out a loud sigh, "I just miss Alex. And, I've been thinking these past few days since we've been home. And, I just hate it here anymore."

"Hate what? Our apartment?"

"No no no. This town. This state. Ever since I went to LA, I just don't wanna be here. I want to live in LA."

"Jessica. Are you seriously moving there for a guy you don't know?"

"Two days ago you were gonna support any decision I made. And, no. It's not just for Alex. It's for me too. I genuinly loved it there."

She stormed out of the room, ignoring everything I said from there on.

"Casey! I haven't even decided if I'm gonna go or not! Why are you getting so upset?"

"Because, you're gonna leave the state to go play house with some celebrity you think you're in love with, while I stay here and pay for this apartment alone!"

"First. Alex is not just some celebrity! Second-"

"Since when is it Alex anyway?! You think you know him well enough to just call him that now?"

"He asked me to call him that the last night we were in LA." I said quietly, clinching my hands trying to control my temper.

"Well, congratulations."

"Why are you being so hateful? I haven't said I was going. I was just thinking about it."

She stood there quiet for a moment, as if she were reflecting on our fight.

"I'm so sorry Jessica." She whispered. "I-I don't know what got into me. Please forgive me."

"It's ok Casey. I just don't want you to hate me over this. I'm not going. I can't just pack up and leave you with the apartment alone. I'll just wait another 26 das to see him." I chuckled.

"I'm sorry he's so far away."

"Me too." I yawned, "I think I'm gonna get in bed. I'm exhausted. Goodnight."

"Night hun."

I laid in bed for a while, waiting for Alex to call. i hadn't talked to him yet today. He always called by 10, and it was almost midnight. I finally drifted off around 2 or 3, thinking he must've just gotten really busy at the studio, and been too tired to call. Which, I could undersand.



The next day at work, I was having a boring time. It was unusally slow, and I was alone. Casey was at lunch, and I was trying to find anythin to do to keep myself busy. I was straightening up the back displays when I heard the bell on the door ring, meaning someone was coming in. I didn't turn around to look, thinking it was Casey.

I felt arms wrap around my waist, and almost had a heart attack from fear. Until, I looked down and saw the tattoos on the arms. I jumped up and twirled myself around.

"ALEX!!" I yelled, before jumping into his arms and holding him tight.

"Hi Jessie!" He laughed

"What are you..how did you..what are you doing here!?"

I let go, and looked up at him.

"I wanted to see you. So last night, I stayed in the sudio until 5 am, sorry about not calling by the way, and I fiished all my solos. So now, I have a few days off to spend with you."

I grinned and hugged him tight one more time. "I'm so glad to see you!"

"Me too babe. Oh, there's one thing I have to do."

I looked up at him one more time, "What's tha-"

He put his hand on the back of my head, pulling me forward, and kissed me. My hands snaked around his neck and I held onto him for life. He wrapped his arms around me, with one hand on my upper back, and the other on my lower back.

When we pulled apart, Casey was standing at the counter watching us.

"Hey Casey." I giggled, "How long have you been here?"

"About 25 seconds. Don't let me interrupt you." She smiled. "It's time for your lunch Jess."

"OK. I'll be back in an hour."

I gabbed Alex's hand and led him to my car. "How'd you know where to find me anyway?"

"Well, you told me where you worked, so when I got here, I told the cab driver the name of the store, and he knew it."

"Where are your bags?" I asked

"At the hotel. I dropped them off on my way here."

"Oh...well, you know you could've stayed with me."

"It's ok. Maybe, before I leave town I will." He smiled.

I spent my hour lunch with Alex and a little cafe a few blocks away. I was so glad he was here, I didn't care about anything else in the world. I was smiling more than I have in years. And the kisses he would sneak in between our conversations, were so cute.

I sat, holding his hand across the table, just looking at his face. I never wanted to look away. To me, he was flawless. His smile made my heart melt. And his eyes, made me weak in the knees. I was more sure now of my feelings for him. Only I was determined to take it slow. I didn't want us to form a relationship and have it blow up because we pushed it too fast, and did anything we weren't ready for.
Chapter 8 by babygirl69
I spent the next two days with Alex. I called in sick at work for those two days, and Casey being my best friend, covered for me. Since I called in, there were certain places I couldn't be seen, so we spent our time out on the other side of town. Last night, I convinced Alex to stay with me, and not in the hotel again. After some heavy kissing to convince him, he agreed. We slept together in my bed. And when I say slept, I mean sleep. We didn't want to rush into anything.

He held me close all night, and I felt so safe in his arms. When I woke up a few minutes ago, I looked over and saw him peacefully laying next to me. He had himself almost curled into the fetal position, but had one arm around my waist. He was so cute I couldn't stop myself from letting out an "Aww.."

He must've heard me, because he opened one eye and looked over at me.

"What are you doing?" He asked in a sleepy, raspy voice.

"Watching you sleep." I giggled.

"Why?" He mumbled, again.

"Because your adorable."

He stretched out and pulled me close to him. "You're the adorable one, not me."

"Aw, thanks. But, I was right. You're adorable." I giggled when he started tickling me.

"Alex!" I yelped in between giggles. "Stop!"

"Nope." He said, laughing. He finally stopped and looked down at me, "Your laugh is so cute."

"Thanks. I think you're pretty cute too."

"Aw thanks." He flashed his grin, "You know what sounds good?"

"What? Breakfast?"

"Yes." He looked over at the clock, "Hmm..11:46. Well, breakfast is over. Let's go get lunch."

"Ok. I'll go get ready." I kissed him on the cheek before jumping out of bed and running to the bathroom.



Thirty minutes later, we were both dressed and ready to go. Once we were in my car, Alex ased where we were going.

"What sounds good?"

We were passing a stip of restaurants, and one caught his eye.

"Oooh! Baskin Robbins!"

"You want ice cream for breakfast?" I laughed.

"No, but sometime before I leave today, we need to go. They have these sprinkles that change colors!"

I burst into a fit of laughter, "You're acting like an 8 year old."

"What? I wanna try em!"

"You are so cute!" I said, taking his hand in mine.

I pulled into a Pizza Hut close to the Baskin Robbin. We took our time eating our pizza, and talking about random topics. Anything to keep our minds off the fat that he was leaving at 6. After arguing for a few miniutes, I was finally allowed to pay. But, I had to agree that he would pay for the ice cream later.


By the time 5 o'clock rolled around, I was sad, once again. I was sitting in the airport with Alex, waiting for his plane to board.

"I don't want you to go." I said, resting my head on his shoulder.

He kissed the top of my head, "I don't want to either."

"How long until we can see each other again?"

"I'm not sure. I still have a few weeks off next month. I can come back then."

"Or I could fly out to LA."

"I'd love that."

We sat in silence for a minute. I looked up at him, studying his features.

"So, have we decided what exactly we're doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we've established we're more than friends. But, it's too soon to say we're a couple or anything like that. So, I mean..what do you call what we're doing?"

"I'd like to think we'll be officially together someday. I have strong feelings for you."

I don't know what it was, but that scared me. Even though that's what I wanted to hear from him and I knew I had strong feelings for him too, and I wanted to have something with him. But, my past was starting to scare me. I didn't want to get hurt. When he wrapped his arms around me, I froze.

"Jess, what's wrong?"

"I-I'm just..I dunno."

"Do you not want us to be together?"

"No, I do. I'm just scared. I haven't told you, but I've been hurt by guys in the past. Like really hurt. And, I can't handle it again."

"I'm not gonna hurt you." He whispered, as he stroked my cheek with his hand. "What happened?"

"I'm not ready to talk about it yet, I promise I will one day, I just, I don't feel ready yet."

"That's fine. Maybe we should slow this down. I don't want to rush into anything, and make you uncomfortable or scared." He kissed my cheek, and whispered in my ear, "That's the last thing I wanna do."

I nodded. "Maybe it's best...wait, we're not like never gonna talk, right?"

"Of course not. We'll still talk on the phone every night and text each other throughout the day. We just won't sleep in the same bed when we visit each other, and we won't go anywhere past kissing. At least for awhile. How's that sound?"

"You are really the most incredible man I've ever met." I kissed him.

We said goodbye, and he was gone. Leaving me alone again. When I got home, I asked Steven to leave so I could talk to Casey. I needed to talk to her about everything. And, get her advice. I knew I had feeling for him, strong feelings. But, I knew I dhouldn't go too fast. I was so confused. My heart was telling me one thing, but my head was telling me another.

"Casey, I'm so torn about what to do. I mean, I really like Alex.. I don't want to say I'm in love with him because it's too soon, but, I think I do love him. My head is telling me not to get too involved too fast, but I just don't know."

I sat on the couch next to Casey, with my head in my hands.

"Have you talked to him about this?"

"Yeah, at the airport. He said we'd slow things down. We'd talk on the phone every night still, but for a while, when we visit each other, we won't sleep in the same bed. And for now, we wouldn't go past kissing."

"Well, that sounds like the right thing to do."

"Yeah, I guess your right. I told him how I've been hurt in the past."

"What'd he say?"

"Well, I didn't exactly go into details. I told him I'm not ready to talk about it."

"I understand that. When are you guys gonna see each other again?"

"Next month he's off for two weeks. So, I'm flying out for a week. And he's coming home with me for a week."

"That's good. So are you taking two weeks off from work or just one?"

"I'm not sure. I want don't want to make him sit around all day alone while I'm at work. But, I don't want to keep taking time off work."

"Yeah, I can see where you're coming from."

"I'll probably talk to him about it before the time comes."

We spent the rest of the night watching tv. When I went to get us some snacks, I heard her giggle.

"Jess! You're not gonna believe what's on!"

When I got in the living room, I heard the boys singing. It was a concert from their Unbreakable tour, on HDNET.

"Awww. Look at my baby sing." I said in awe of his voice.

"Your baby?" Casey asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What? I need a nickname for him only I can call him. Help me think of one." I giggled.

We spent the next hour watching the show, and trying to think of nicknames. We'd thrown out some of the corniest names I've ever heard.

"Baby cakes?"

"Baby cakes?" I asked her, giving her a 'are you serious' look.

"I'll take that as a no."

"This is hard. Maybe I'll just have to be with him and call him what comes to mind at the time."

"Or you could just call him Alex. Since that's his name."

"Touche." I laughed.
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