A young girl sat crouched watching her brother in secret. She didn’t want him to know she was there spying on him, as then he’d make a huge deal out of nothing.

“Shell, he’s really good,” she mused wistfully, as she watched him perform a few more moves. He was the only one she knew who could perfect practically anything and everything he did. He was a perfectionist, much to her annoyance some days – okay, well, a whole lot of days. “Dude, I wish I were that good.”

She watched him do a back flip with ease, not once losing grip of his chosen weapon. He was skilled much more than she’d ever be with hers. He was also boring, bossy, punctual, persistent, frustrating, and a time Nazi. But then again, he was also brave, strong, compassionate, well-mannered, independent, stubborn, loyal, and fearless. Yes, he was fearless indeed – in her eyes anyway, and the eyes of her sisters.

“Why’s he gotta be so good at everything?” She griped silently. “Why’s he gotta be so perfect? No wonder Sensei loves him best. He can do anything and not trip over his own damn weapon.”

She glanced down at the weapon she had angrily thrown to the ground out of pure frustration. She’d been practicing a little bit, before she realized she’d company on the other side of the bush. She didn’t want for anyone to see her practicing – well, struggling is more like it. She was nowhere near as good with her weapon as her brothers and sisters were with theirs. Figured she’d be the black sheep of the family, unable to do anything right no matter how hard she tried sometimes.

“Why do they think I gave up?” She sighed, still staring down at her much-hated weapon. “It got too hard, and I didn’t wanna admit defeat. They think I’m just being difficult. Well, maybe I’m trying to actually get someone – anyone – to notice that it’s all too hard for me. I don’t understand it and need help. I’m not like everyone else. I’m all fingers and feet, and just clumsy.”

She scowled, then glanced back up to see just what her brother was doing. She’d hoped he hadn’t sensed her presence. He was good at stuff like that too.  He didn’t always need to see you, to know where you were at – he just knew.

“I hate you because you don’t see what I need you to see,” she mused, as he did a flying high kick. “I hate you because you never caught on that I need help and don’t understand; that I’m slower than the rest.”

She felt hot, unwanted tears brim her eyes then and brushed them away briskly. Shell. She was going to start crying like a little baby now. That’s all she ever did was cry and throw stupid tantrums and make everyone angry with her. That’s all she was good at. That’s all she’d ever be good at.

Sure everyone kept telling her she was bright and that she’d get the hang of it eventually, but was she really and would she ever? She sure didn’t feel all that bright, or as though what came easy to her siblings would ever come and grace her the same way. She felt as though she were out of luck, so why bother trying to begin with anymore. She had tried and she had failed. She was nothing but a failure and disappointment to her family.

Even when she’d thought they’d be better off without her, it had ended badly. She’d run off and gotten beat up and everyone ended up grounded for lying about her whereabouts. Though, she had learned that day, that her siblings did still care for her. They had sent a search party out for her – which had been made up of about half her siblings.    

“I didn’t scream for you until I was being patched up,” she recalled wordlessly. “When I saw the needles, all I wanted was for you to make them go away.”

She watched him carry on, his body moving fluidly. Though all her brothers were good with weapons, and each had their own unique style, she thought the one she was watching to be the best. He could move quieter than a mouse, and was super quick, and ready to serve and protect. He’d do anything for his family, even if it meant placing all the blame for something gone wrong on himself.

“I wonder if he blames himself for me being the way I am?” She pondered. “For me not wanting to be like him and the others.”

She felt herself leaning too far forward then, and caught herself before she could tumble into the bush and out the other side. She really didn’t want to be caught – not while she was mulling things over in her head.

“If only he knew just how badly I want to be like him and the others,” she sighed heavily, but not too audibly. “Yeah, so my weapon of choice is not the ones he uses, but I still want to feel like I’m apart of this family. I’m tired of feeling like the outcast. If only people knew how to start a deep conversation with me, without me getting so damned defensive. They’re my family. They’re supposed to be able to help me out when I’ve problems that need solving. So why do I always feel like I can’t trust them enough to share my secrets with? Well, with the exception of one – though, he doesn’t even know all what I am thinking right now, just yet.”

She knocked a grasshopper off her leg, managing not to freak out about it. She hated bugs with a passion!

“Why can’t I be courageous, like you?” She whined silently. “If only I had your courage, then I could manage to speak up and tell everyone that I do indeed want to be ninja. That I only protest the trials, because I know there’s just no way I could ever possibly pass them – no matter how hard I try. I’ve been doomed to fail since the start.”  

She heard someone else coming then, and ducked down further behind the bush that was keeping her hidden from her one brother.

“Hey, Leo, Mikey wants to know if you’re coming for dinner or what,” a dark green turtle in a red bandana stated. “He’s made hot dogs, burgers, and salad. And apparently somethin’ good for dessert.”

“Yeah, I’m coming, Raph,” the turtle – Leo - that she had been watching, replied. “Are the girls all there?”

“I’ll give you one guess, as to which one is missing,” Raph smirked. “Though, that shouldn’t be too hard, considering she ran out on practice earlier.”

She held her breath, as Leo turned and looked directly at her, though she was sure he couldn’t see her. She’d crouched down so low behind the bush; she was practically lying in the grass.

“”I’ll go look for her,” Leo told his brother. “No sense in her going hungry.”

Raph shook his head. “I say we let the little Runt fend for herself. Maybe then she’d shape up a little, no matter how short the leash Sensei has her on is. She needs to get a grip on things, and accept the fact that she’s going to be ninja whether she likes it or not.”

She found herself feeling a little offended by Raph’s words. Okay, true he didn’t know how she truly felt about the whole ninja thing, but still. Mikey didn’t know the whole story, and yet he just accepted her the way he was, and was there for her, whenever she needed a shoulder to lean on – no matter what the reason may be.

Leo shook his head. “You know she’s too many dreams that she doesn’t want to give up just yet. Despite her naivety I’m sure she knows deep down that a good lot of them are never going to happen, because of who we are.”

She glanced down, trying to hold on to her little bit of hope that Leo was wrong; that all her dreams would come true, despite who they were. 

“Whatever,” Raph grunted. “I’m going back, before I miss out on all the real food, and get stuck with them leafy greens.”

“I’ll be along momentarily,” Leo assured him. “Just going to finish what I was doing first.”

She watched as Raph nodded, and tromped on back towards the farmhouse. They were currently at April’s farmhouse, vacationing. Which was the reason they were all up top and not hidden down in the sewers like usual.

Once Raph had left, she moved her eyes to find Leo once more – only he was nowhere to be seen. Figured. He was a true ninja, so he could move fast when he wanted to, and go unseen.

“Did you enjoy the show?” A voice spoke in an amused tone.

She jumped slightly, falling over into the grass and landing on top her woodened weapon. She groaned, then looked up at the one who had spoken in surprise. She went to speak, but no words came out.

“Klunk’s got your tongue again, I see,” he mused, referring to Mikey’s beloved feline companion.

She should’ve known he’d know she was there. She’d even reminded herself a few times how he was a true ninja, and was amazing at the mental aspects of it all, and not just the fighting part.

“Shell!” She thought inwardly. “The mental aspects! Damn it all! I forgot he can read minds!”

She glanced up at her brother in blue nervously, expecting him to appear angry or to start demanding answers. Instead, she found him leaning up against the one tree casually, a small smile playing on his lips.

“You never answered my question,” he reminded, though for once his tone wasn’t lecturing.

“It was all right,” she shrugged indifferently, as she managed to get up, her weapon still lying on the ground behind her. “I’ve seen better.”

 In truth, the only one better than her brother in blue was their father – their Sensei. No one was a better ninja than Master Splinter.

She eyed Leo skeptically, not sure what to expect from him. She was used to him nagging her to get to her lessons, and to try harder, and such things. This side of him – well, she hadn’t seen this side of him in a long while. More than likely because of her own doing though. If she weren’t such a doofus, then maybe he’d be nicer to her and more brother-like, rather than be all stern ninja leader all the time.

“What does he want from me?” She wondered, looking away again after a moment. She never was able to hold his gaze for long – it always made her feel as though she’d done something wrong. Only this time, she knew she hadn’t. Well, except for spying on him; there was no way he could’ve known she’d been disrespecting her weapon - again.

 “You’re coming back for dinner, right?” Leo questioned finally, after a few more long moments of silence.

She nodded, unable to find her voice once more. Usually she was yelling at him and being rebellious, but right now, well, she actually felt like hugging him. Though, why she felt like that, she’d no idea. Maybe it was the way he was standing there all relaxed, for once not breathing down her neck about something she’d done. Heck, come to think of it, she couldn’t even remember the last time she had hugged him.

“You were eight,” Leo answered her unspoken question. “You’d a really bad nightmare, and came to me instead of Mikey for some reason.”

She looked up at him wide-eyed. Not so much because he’d been reading her thoughts, but because that particular nightmare suddenly came flooding back to her. She remembered it all clearly now. She’d eaten pizza before bed, despite being told not to, and had, had a nightmare and tummy-ache because of it.

“You never did ask what the dream was about,” she finally managed to speak, though quietly. “Or why I wanted my tummy rubbed.”

“I thought maybe if I didn’t ask questions, you’d forget about it, and it wouldn’t come back,” Leo shrugged. “As for the other, well, I’d figured you’d get a tummy ache from the pizza. That part was easy to figure out.”

“I should’ve listened,” she admitted, then thought inwardly, “I should start listening to things now too.”

She could feel Leo watching her, though he’d gone silent once more. With his eyes on her, though she was remembering that horrible dream, she felt safe, believe it or not. Remembering the dream was making her want to hug her brother in blue even more. The nightmare had been about him not coming home from battle, and had spooked her pretty bad. It still spooked her pretty bad, anytime she happened to actually remember it.

“He’s gonna think I’m an idiot,” she fretted silently. “I haven’t hugged him in four years! Not even on my birthday or his. And now suddenly I want to hug the one I hate? How the shell does this even make any sense?”

She eyed him again, as she chewed on her lower lip contemplatively. Finally, she gave in. The strong need to hug her brother in blue, overpowering her need to hate him for once.

Leo was surprised at first, when his littlest sister suddenly flung herself at him. Though, he didn’t say a word, as he wrapped his arms around her in a strong, protective hug. He loved her dearly, despite all the problems she tended to cause, and the fact she always made like she hated him. But, this right here – this single, solitary moment – proved otherwise. She did indeed still love him after all.

After a few more moments, they slowly pulled apart. “C’mon Lenni, grab your bo, and let’s go get some dinner.”

“You think Sensei’s gonna be mad I ran off?” Lenni asked softly, as she picked her bo up off the ground and placed it back into its holder on her back. “I don’t think I meant to run.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Leo replied, draping his arm over her shoulders in a big-brotherly way. “I’ll take care of Sensei.”

Lenni looked up at him in shock; she was surprised he wasn’t angry with her for running off. Usually he was, so why wasn’t he now?

“Let’s not ruin a good thing,” Leo smiled down at her. He really didn’t want to ruin the moment they had just shared – he’d worked hard for that!

Lenni nodded, smiling up at him shyly. She was glad to see this side of her oldest brother once more. She had missed him.

The two of them headed on back to the farmhouse, making small talk along the way. Though, once the farmhouse was in sight, Leo removed his arm from her shoulders, knowing she wouldn’t want the barrage of questions that would be sure to come, if they’d continued on like that.

Lenni glanced around to ensure no one had spotted them whatsoever, before hugging her brother tight once more. “Thank Leo.”

Leo kissed her head swiftly, before letting her out of his embrace. He knew these moments were getting rare, and he intended to treasure everyone of them. He gave her a warm smile, then headed on out towards the farmhouse.

Lenni watched Leo quietly, as she trailed along behind him, but back far enough that no one would question her about her actions. She knew deep down she loved him. She always had. She just didn’t always know how to show it, or feel that she could. Besides, part of her still hated him for not noticing things he should’ve noticed. But he was her brother, and she knew without a doubt he’d do whatever he could to keep her and the rest of their family safe – and she loved him for that.