A Disturbing Revelation
After I got out of the shower and got dressed everyone was waiting in my room. I could tell that Kevin filled them in on my little nightmare because I was getting the looks. You know the “Poor Nicky” look from Howie. “I hope he tells me more than he told Kevin” look from Brian and “That kid is such a whiny ass crybaby and I’m jealous of him because he gets all the damn attention so I’m going to go do something else rebellious to up the anti,” look from AJ. No one said anything to me though, and I was happy about that.
Considering the state I was in by the time we left for the venue, I managed to have a pretty good show. I only messed up about three times, two times on the choreography and once on the lyrics. Unfortunately, that was considered good for me. We barely had anyone in the audience so that kept my anxiety at a minimum. It probably escalated our management’s anxiety but I didn’t much care about that. All I cared about was coming home and calling my dad.
When we got back to the hotel, once again Kevin seemed like he wanted to ask me a few questions. I have to give the guy credit for not pushing, especially after my dream about killer pigs, in his eyes anyway.
“Who are you calling?” He asked me when I picked up our hotel phone.
“My dad.”
He smiled at me, “Good! I’ll give you some privacy.” He got up to leave the room.
“Wait!” I yelled. I didn’t mean to, it just kind of came out as a yelp.
He quickly turned, “What?”
“Stay, please?” Wow, I really am pathetic.
“I’ll only be next door and we can leave the adjoining room door open.” As proof he walked over and knocked on the door. AJ answered and peered inside.
“Yello?”
“I’m coming in but let’s leave this open.”
“What if we don’t want you to come in?”
“AJ let me in!”
“Okie dokie.”
Kevin smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up. AJ then stuck his head through the door and checked out what I was doing.
“He letting you play with yourself unattended for a little while?”
I rolled my eyes at him, “Yeah AJ, that’s exactly it.”
“Have at the little man then….little man.” In spite of how annoying he could be, I couldn’t help but laugh. You’ve got to love AJ sometimes, but only sometimes.
I was really looking forward to talking to my dad and as would always happen, with every number dialed I found myself getting more and more homesick. I wish he was here spending the holiday with me. He answered after the third ring.
“Hello?” He always answered the phone so seriously.
“Hey dad!”
“Nicky! How’s my boy?” And then he would loosen up when he heard a familiar voice on the line.
“I’m good.”
“Is everything okay? You’re calling me kind of late.” I looked over at the clock and cringed when I saw it was nearing midnight.
“Sorry. We just had a concert and I lost track of time.”
“How did it go?”
“Good.”
“That’s good,” He paused and suddenly I didn’t know how to bring this stuff up. “So, what’s up?”
“Nothing…can I ask you kind of a weird question?”
He laughed, “Yeah, what is it?”
“When I was a little kid I used to have this stuffed pig. Do you remember the name of it?”
“A stuffed pig?”
“Yup, I used to carry it around everywhere.”
“Nick, you never had a pig.”
“Yes I did. Mom used to tell me I brought it everywhere I went.”
He laughed again, “I’m telling you Nick. I don’t remember any pig. You used to carry around that stupid dump truck though.”
“Oh Willy?” I told you I named everything. “Not that, the pig!”
“Nick, I’m telling you, you never had a stuffed pig. I would remember that.” I was getting annoyed now and I think he could tell by my voice. “Why is this so important to you?”
“Because I usually remember stuff like that and for some reason I can’t. When my therapist asked what its name was I couldn’t remember.”
There was a pause, then a slow question “Therapist? What therapist?”
I found myself curling my fingers along the phone cord, “I went to talk to someone the other day.”
“Why? Is everything okay?” He sounded alarmed.
“Yeah, I’ve just been having these really bad dreams and Kevin thought it would be a good idea if I talked to someone about them.”
“Kevin thought? How come nobody called me?” there was a tinge of jealousy in his voice.
“I didn’t want you to worry dad, but that’s not the point. It’s just bothering me that I can’t remember the pig’s name.”
“Probably because it doesn’t exist, son.”
I took a deep breath and moved on to the next question, “What about a babysitter?”
“Huh?” Now he just seemed confused.
“Did I ever have a babysitter with brown curly hair?”
“Your mom and I never wanted to leave you with strangers.”
“What about after mom died?”
“I managed.” I was just about to ask my final question when he cut in, “So, back to this therapist. What did you guys talk about exactly?”
“Just stuff and things.”
“Stuff and things?”
“Mostly about my dreams. She wants me to tell her a memory from my childhood the next time I see her.”
“You’re seeing her again?” He sounded angry now. I wasn’t sure where this shift in his mood was coming from.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Why is she so concerned about your childhood? Shouldn’t she be focusing more on the present and your nightmares? Doesn’t she realize what you do for a living and how stressful it could be?”
“It’s because most of my dreams are about when I was little.” There was a really long, almost uncomfortable silence at that point. “Dad, are you still there?”
“Nick, I don’t want you seeing this person anymore, do you understand me?”
I have to admit I wasn’t expecting that reply. It kind of shocked me, “But dad, I really think she might be able to help me out.” Isn’t it funny how before this conversation I didn’t even like this therapist or thought she did anything to help me at all but now that I was being told I couldn’t go, I found myself defending her. I am weird. I guess I need to stop getting annoyed at people thinking I’m weird and just start embracing it.
“You shouldn’t have gone in the first place. You’re just a kid. Nobody even called me to ask for permission.” He was actually raising his voice at me now. Something he very seldom if ever did.
“But dad…”
“No Nick! I do not want you seeing this lady again. Do you understand me? Maybe I should call Lou and have you come home. I knew it was a bad idea to have you away from home.”
“No dad!” This was my biggest nightmare coming true. “I want to stay.”
“Fine, but I plan on having a word or two with your management about this!”
“Dad, I’m not even sure if they know I went.”
“How could they not know? They are supposed to be watching you!” I was making things worse and starting to fall over my words. My dad never really acted like this.
“I promise I won’t go back.” I could tell he was pacing back and forth by the way he was breathing. “Why are you so angry?” I finally asked after a few more moments of complete silence.
“What exactly did you dream Nick?” He asked, totally ignoring my question.
I hadn’t realized that throughout my father’s tirade I was standing up. When he asked me that question I allowed myself to sit back down. “I was being put to bed by this woman with dark curly hair and then there was an explosion…” I stopped myself. For some reason, even though it was just a dream and it wasn’t even my mother, I didn’t want to tell him what happened next.
“And then what?”
“She dropped me.”
“And then?” He was sounding impatient again. I was afraid he’d start to yell.
“I hid under a desk.”
“Why?”
“Because of all the noise…dad what difference…”
“Then what?”
“Then…she ran out of the room. She was yelling a name but it wasn’t mine.” I closed my eyes and brought myself back to the dream and that’s when I remembered the name. “Andrew! She was yelling for an Andrew.”
There was a click and for a second I thought my father had disconnected our call. “Dad? Are you still there?” I asked placing the phone closer to my ear as if that would somehow bring him back.
“Did you tell your therapist everything you just told me?” He was speaking in barely a whisper now. Call me paranoid but he sounded scared.
“Everything except for the name. I just remembered that now.”
“Did you tell anyone else? I mean anyone?”
“The guys…well Brian and Kevin but…What’s going on dad?”
“Listen to me son…you can’t tell anyone else about this, do you understand?”
“Why? What’s going on, you’re scaring me.”
“Do you understand? This is really important.”
“Yes…”
“Good. Listen, I’m going to come out there. I’ll try to get a flight as soon as possible.”
“I thought you couldn’t get away.”
“I’ll manage.”
“What’s going on?”
“I’ll explain when I get there; just promise me you’ll not talk about this with anyone else!”
“I promise.”
So much for calling my dad to make me feel better because after I got off the phone with him I proceeded to go into the bathroom and throw up what little I had for dinner. After I pulled myself together, I walked into AJ and Brian’s room where they were all sitting on the floor playing cards.
“So, how did it go?” Brian asked me as he handed the deck of cards to AJ.
“Weird.”
“That’s an odd answer.” Howie said smiling.
“He said he’s coming out.”
That peeked Kevin’s interest. “I thought he couldn’t be here for the holidays. Isn’t this the busiest time of year for the Bed and Breakfast?”
My parents opened up a bed and breakfast when I was little. It was always one of my mom’s biggest dreams since she grew up as an only child in a very lonely house. She felt it was important to have people around at all times. My dad was never very wild about the idea, but since cooking was his thing and he loved my mom more than anyone ever loved anyone, he said yes. So, in 1978 or so, they opened up the Carter House. Very original name I know. My whole life was spent in the presence of people I barely knew but they also helped me hone in on my talent because I was the entertainment. I can’t tell you how many times I used our main dining room table as a stage while I sang my heart out for couples passing through Tampa.
After my mom died, dad briefly thought about closing up the place but part of him just couldn’t do it. We get pretty good business, especially in the winter months from the northerners wanting to escape the snow for Christmas. It’s usually a packed house and up until last week, my dad said the place was full every night until after New Years. For him to drop everything and just come out here seemed a bit horrifying to me.
I nodded at Kevin, “He was also pissed about the therapist thing. He doesn’t know why no one called him about it.”
“You didn’t tell your dad you were going to go see her?” Brian asked me, kind of surprised, like I’d want to announce that I’m crazy to everyone who I came into contact with.
“I didn’t plan on telling him at all, it just kind of came out when we were talking.” I bit at my bottom lip and worried my fingers through the small hole in my tee shirt. “Something isn’t right. He wasn’t acting like himself.”
“Nicky, I’m sure you’re just being paranoid…” D stopped himself and tried correcting what he said which made things awkward in the way Howie could only do, “I mean… not paranoid, we know you’re not paranoid…just I’m sure everything is fine.”
“Yeah, maybe…” Before I could finish my thought the phone in my room rang so I jumped up and ran in there to get it. Knowing it would be my dad because who else would it be after midnight?
I got to the phone just in time before it got sent back to the hotel switchboard. “Hello?”
“Nick.” It was my dad but once again he was barely talking in a whisper.
“Hey dad.”
“I’m taking a flight out there first thing in the morning.”
“Dad, why are you coming? I know you have a full house. What’s going on?”
“I called and cancelled them all. I said I had a family emergency.”
“Emergency? Dad what’s going on?”
“I’ll tell you everything when I get there.”
I gulped and once again felt my heart drop. “Everything? What’s there to tell?”
“I’ll explain when I see you.”
“Does this have to do with my dream?”
He paused for a really long time and I heard some clicking going on. I was afraid it was static that would break our connection. “Son, I think what you’re experiencing is more than a dream. I think you’re starting to remember things. The doctors said it wouldn’t happen, but I guess it is.”
“What are you talking about? What doctors?” My voice was getting higher as my anxiety was growing, “Dad just tell me what the hell is going on!”
“Nicky, I don’t feel comfortable doing this over the phone, but there are things you don’t know. Things I have wanted to protect you from. You’re not who you think you are.”
“What?”
He paused again as I shifted uncomfortably, “I promise I will tell you everything when I get there tomorrow, okay? In the meantime just know I love you.”
“I love you too, but…” And then he hang up on me.
I just sat there, confused and scared to death.
