~ 7 ~

Who am I?

Brian came into my room about 30 minutes after I got off the phone with my father. When he saw the look on my face he immediately called his cousin in. They both sat across from me on Kevin’s bed and stared. I’m sure it looked odd. I wasn’t sure if I should share any of the conversation I had just had with my dad or not. He warned me not to say anything to anybody and even though as far as I was concerned, the guys were the exception to the rule, I wasn’t sure if this time the rules might have changed. How can I be expected to keep this to myself though? It will kill me if I don’t say something. So, I changed the rules.

“My dad is coming first thing in the morning.”

They both looked disappointed. Maybe they thought that after having to wait so long for me to say something, when I finally opened my mouth anything better than that would have popped out.

“Yeah, you told us that already. What time?” Kevin asked.

I shrugged, “I’m sure he’ll call with more info in the morning.” I took a deep breath, “He said something else but I’m not supposed to say anything.”

They both looked at each other knowing full well that I was going to spill the beans. I was Nick Carter after all. I was the person who couldn’t keep a secret if he tried his hardest. They all learned that the hard way.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean us, Nick.”

“I don’t know Bri, he was pretty scary about it.”

“What did he say?” Kevin insisted. It wasn’t even really a question more like a demand.

“That I’m not who I think I am.” I blurted out.

“Maybe you’re Batman!” Brian said it as a joke, deepening his voice to match Batman’s. I guess I would have appreciated it more if it wasn’t my life we were talking about. Seeing my reaction and his cousin’s scowl he added, “Sorry.”

“What do you think he meant by that?” He asked a few seconds later.

“I wish I knew. I’m thinking maybe I’m not his son.”

“That’s ridiculous Nick. You look just like your dad.” Kevin added, getting up and grabbing a bottle of water out of our fridge. He handed it to me, “Drink this. You look pale.”

I untwisted the cap and took a drink. “He said something about doctors telling him I wouldn’t remember.”

“Wouldn’t remember what?”

I shrugged at Kevin once again. “I think it has something to do with my dream. That’s when he started freaking out on the phone.”

“So, you think maybe you saw someone…”

I finished Brian’s thought. “Die…I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like something someone should forget, right?”

“But you were really little. It’s possible.” Kevin gave me a half sympathetic, half anxious look. “Well, I guess we’ll find out all the answers tomorrow.” He looked over at his cousin hoping he would take that as his cue to get out and go to bed. He did not. Brian is not very big in the hints department. “Goodnight Brian! Tell AJ and Howie we are hitting the hay in here.”

This time Brian got the ‘hint’ and stood up to leave. “Nicky, try to get some sleep, okay buddy?”

“I will.” Right before Brian walked back into his room I stopped him with probably one of the dumbest things that has ever come out of my mouth, “Maybe we can all have a sleepover!” What am I, A ten year old girl all of the sudden? Yes and then maybe we can paint each others nails and do each other’s hair. Good lord…

Brian looked over at his cousin and I looked down at the ground in total embarrassment. Good thing I was in distress because otherwise I would have never lived that one down. It’s still kind of iffy now.

“Night Brian, try to get some sleep.” I guess that was my answer.

After his cousin left, Kevin walked over to his bed and threw back the covers. “You’re not going to crawl into bed with me in the middle of the night are you?” He asked highly amused. Okay I’m never living it down.

I rolled my eyes at him and boldly stuck out my middle finger. He laughed, “I’ll take that as a no then.”

Laying in my bed with the light still on, I found my mind racing. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight. Not with all the questions my father left me with. How could he drop a bombshell like that and then hang up on me? Did he really think I would be okay with that? And what’s worse is I have no freaking idea what he is even talking about. It could be something small and stupid. Although if it was small and stupid, why would he be dropping everything, losing a lot of money just to come out here?

“I’m shutting off the light Nick. Try to get some sleep. I know you and you’re probably just laying there dwelling on everything. It won’t make you feel any better so go to bed.”

“Don’t turn off the light yet. I need to go the bathroom!” I yelled jumping out of the bed and ignoring Kevin’s grunt of disapproval.

I needed a safe place again. I wasn’t ready to commit to a full sleepless night in the dark. I poured some water on my face and stared at myself in the mirror. Kevin was right. I did look just like my dad. Everyone always said it. I was a mini Bob Carter. We had to be related. It was dumb of me to think he wasn’t my father, but then how could I not be me?

Kevin was also right about something else. I was pale. Wow he’s right about two things at once. “Let’s keep that between us.” I said this to my mirror image. Yeah, I’m sane. “Can you die from anxiety?” I asked myself. Anxiety…and that’s when I remembered the pills! I had forgotten about those! I felt for the bottle in my pocket and smiled when I heard them shake. Maybe I could get a good night’s sleep after all. I shoveled two of them in my mouth and gulped some water from the faucet.

By the time I finally got out of the bathroom, the light was already switched off, big surprise there. The walk to my bed was a tricky one since I was closest to the balcony. I almost wanted to make it with my eyes closed because in the dark all I felt were eyes on me. I knew there wasn’t anyone else in the room besides Kevin, but that didn’t change the feeling. I was almost hyperventilating by the time I made it to my bed.

“Are you okay?” 

I gasped when I heard Kevin’s voice. He shouldn’t be scaring a kid like that. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You’re breathing really heavy.”

“I said I’m fine.”

“Well, all right then. Stop making all that noise and go to sleep, Darth.”

I gave him the finger once more, even though he couldn’t see it. It made me feel better.

“Put that finger up one more time, I’ll break it!” How does he always know?

With that being said, I took a few breaths and let my medicine take effect. It was strong stuff. It made me feel all oogish and woozy. I like that.

I was sad. She made me sit in a time out chair in the corner over by the kitchen table. Just out of reach of all the food. They were having McDonald’s again. That’s why I got into trouble. I was reaching for the Happy Meal. He slapped my hand away and I pinched him. He was just about to hit me when she grabbed me and put me in time out. It was the same woman with the curly black hair. He was just a big blur though.

‘That kid is a nuisance!” the big blur said. I know I didn’t like him too much.

“He’s adorable. Leave him alone!” She looked over at me and smiled. I got a really good look at her this time. She didn’t look familiar at all.

“Nickolas Gene, how many times do I have to tell you to stop sitting around and help me out!” I was still sitting in my timeout chair but this time it was my father who was barking at me. He was holding a broom and a shovel.

“I’m in time out. I am not allowed to move!” I said.

“They can’t put you in time out, only I can. I’m your dad!” I looked over at the table, to where that woman with the black hair was but she wasn’t there anymore. Instead it was just some random customers from the Bed and Breakfast. We were in the same kitchen but a different place.

I stood up and grabbed the broom from my father. “That’s my boy. Now go sweep up the mess you made!”

When I walked past him, he gently tapped my butt and the three people sitting at the table all laughed. I was embarrassed. My dad was always embarrassing me in front of our guests.

As I walked out of the kitchen, suddenly I was in unfamiliar territory again. The living room had changed from the massive one we had at our B&B to a smaller, more reserved place with a love seat, a small recliner and a TV sitting on a crate.

“Daddy?” I called out, feeling a knot in the pit of my stomach. That’s when she grabbed me from behind.

“You need to be quiet. He’s really angry right now!” She whispered to me as she carried me up the stairs, taking two at a time.

“Let me go, I don’t know who you are!” I insisted as I struggled in her embrace. “I want my daddy!”

“You need to be quiet Andrew! Do you understand me?”

“My name’s not Andrew!” I insisted and I bit her shoulder. She yelped in pain and dropped me to the floor.

“Damn it! I don’t have time for this! He’s mad!” Just as she said that, I heard him running up the stairs.

She grabbed me by my arms and threw me into the bathroom. Slamming her body against the door, “No matter what you hear, do not come out of there!” She said when he finally reached the top.

I sat on the other side of the bathroom door with my ear as close as I could get it. I couldn’t really understand what they were saying. They mostly sounded like mumbles but I was terrified. I know I did not want that door to open unless it was her opening it. So, I locked it.

I sat there with my entire fist in my mouth. My thumb wasn’t enough for all of this drama. I wish I had my pig with me, but this time I was on my own. I was crying when the doorknob jiggled. If it was her, she would have said something, but no one said a word.

It jiggled again, this time more forcefully. I was paralyzed in fear. I didn’t know what to do. I was so young, so small. But not sure how young and small I was.

“Nickolas Gene let me in, this isn’t funny!” It was my father’s voice. He sounded mean. He was scaring me.

“Nickolas! Look I’m sorry for embarrassing you, open the door. I don’t want to have to call the fire department to get you out of there!” this time he sounded more like the dad I knew.

“Andrew!” Then it was her voice again. She started jiggling the doorknob. “Let me in, everything will be all right.” More jiggling.

“Nickolas!” My father yelled

“Andrew!” The mysterious woman yelled.

Back and forth the two of them took turns yelling names. One name very familiar and one not so much. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know which one I should open the door for, so I just left it closed, found a spot under the bathroom sink and fell asleep…

I woke up feeling unsettled and even more so when I felt a deep coldness under my body. At first I thought I wet myself. That’s how cold I was, not that I knew what wetting myself felt like mind you because well…I don’t do things like that but if I did know what it felt like, it would probably have felt like this. Okay fine…I used to wet the bed from time to time when I was little.

I was lying on the floor on cold, wet tiles.

I took a double take at my surroundings and instantly recognized them. I was in the bathroom under the sink. I crawled out from the tiny space I managed to squeeze into and rubbed at the kink in my neck. When did I end up in here? I swear I went to bed last night.

I stood up and felt woozy. Whoa! I grabbed onto the sink before I fell over. Seems like the pills I had taken were still working their magic. I had a headache which was working its way from the back of my skull to my eyes. Those really suck!

Seems like I was still as pale as I was when I went to bed last night, or went to under the sink last night? I never sleepwalk. This is new. Just something else to add on to my list of things that make me crazy I guess. I put on the faucet and was about to dunk my entire head under there when the doorknob jiggled. The sound of it scared me so badly, that I jumped back against the wall and fell to the floor.

The jiggle was followed by a knock, “Nick!” Kevin’s voice rang from the other side of the door. “You’ve been in there for a century now. I need to pee!”

“Okay, just a second.” I stood up and slowly walked over to the door.

“Christ, it’s about time.” He pushed his way past me and closed the door.

I sat on my bed and looked at the clock. It was 7:30. My bed looked like it had been slept in. As a matter of fact it looked like it had been overslept in. The pillows were on the floor as was one of the blankets. The fitted sheet was half on and half off and the comforter was clear across the other side of the room.

“Did you get ANY sleep last night?” Kevin asked when he came into the room with the sound of a flushing toilet in the distance.

“I don’t know.”

“You were up and pacing most of the night.” He started making his bed. Only Kevin would make his hotel room bed.

“I was?”

He looked over at me, “Yeah, you were. Don’t you remember? I must have yelled at you a thousand times to go back to bed.”

“What did I say?”

“You kept telling me that you needed to clear your mind and think.”

“I did?” I felt like he was playing with me when clearly I could tell he was not.

“You don’t remember, honestly?”

“I guess not.” I shrugged at him.

He tossed me one of my pillows that had landed over by his bed. “By the way, your dad called while you were in the bathroom. He gave me all his flight information. I hope I got it all right, the reception sucked.” He handed me a piece of paper. “I’m not sure if I can go to the airport with you or not. Brian has an interview and you were supposed to do it too. I could cover for you or maybe we could get AJ or Howie too.”

“I’d really like you to come with me Kev, if you don’t mind.”

He smiled at me, “It’s no problem little man. I’m sure we can get AJ to do the interview with Brian and Howie and I will come with you.”

“Thanks…Kev?”

He looked over at me. “Yeah?”

I wanted to tell him about everything. My dream and how I ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor but I just couldn’t do it. I’m not sure why. It scared me so much, this whole thing. Just verbalizing it would make it seem so much more real. Why was I sleep- walking and how did I end up in the bathroom? Why am I dreaming about this person I didn’t know and why was she calling me Andrew? The one that scared me most is why my father seemed to be tied into this woman, in my dreams at least. I was tired of having all these questions and still no answers.

“Nick?” I looked up at Kevin who was staring at me, “What?”

“Never mind.”

“Okay.” He walked over and knocked on Brian’s door. “I’m going to make sure they’re up and ready to roll.

I looked down at the flight information and breathed a small sigh of relief when I saw my dad would be getting in by 10:45 this morning. It was nice to know that in less than 4 hours I would have all my answers! Whether I wanted to know the truth was a different story.