I rang the door bell to Nick’s condo. We were meeting to talk about things. I didn’t know how much talking was going to occur. Lately, all we did was yell at one another. I hope we could act like civilized adults. The fighting was wearing me down.
“Come in.” He held the door open for me. I stepped inside. “Let’s go into the living room.”
I followed Nick into the living room and sat down on the couch. For a few minutes, we sat quietly. Neither of us knew what to say. I looked around the room, noticing he had photos of the kids everywhere. There we no pictures of me. He was trying to pretend I didn’t exist. It was proof that he didn’t want me.
“So, Nick are we going to talk or stare at the walls?”
“We need to talk.” He fidgeted in his seat. He looked as uncomfortable as I did.
“I’m sorry I hit you the other day. I regret it.”
“It was so unlike you. You never hit me before. I’ve never seen your temper flare that much.” He rubbed his face where she smacked him, remembering the pain. I still felt guilty.
“I’m angry, Nick. You’ve hurt me. The past few months have been hell for me. At first I was sad, but then it turned into anger. I can’t help how I feel.”
“I get that Ashton. I know you blame me. It’s all my fault.” He huffed.
“I’m not blaming you, but you chose to leave me. You chose to stop loving me. I want to hate you but I can’t because I love you.”
“You remind me every time we see each other. What if love isn’t enough?” I didn’t know to respond to his question. Until recently, I always thought love would be enough.
“I don’t know Nick, but we really need to talk about this. I need to know why you don’t love me.”
“Remember when we went to your friend Sage’s wedding.” I nodded my head. That was six months ago. “Well, that night after we made love, I woke up, and I got scared.”
“Why?”
“I realized that I felt differently about you. I still cared about you, but I wasn’t head over hills in love with you.”
“So this is about sex. You aren’t sexually attracted to me anymore? That makes no sense. You continued to make love to me after that night.” I could feel the tears form in my eyes. I wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t worth it. I quickly wiped the corners of my eyes.
“It had nothing to do with sex. At that point, I was confused, but as time went by I continued to feel that way. Something changed between us, but I can’t pinpoint it.”
“Do you think we’re too preoccupied with our careers and life in general? When was the last time anything was about us?”
“I can’t remember anything being about us in the last few months.” Nothing was making any sense to him. He had to get out of the room. Being around her was making this harder. He stood up and walked out of the room. I sat there stunned. I got up and followed him.
“How dare you walk away from me! I thought we were discussing our marriage. I thought this is what you wanted.” I shouted. He would not look at me.
“I can’t do this anymore. I DON’T LOVE YOU!!!” He yelled. Tears ran down his face.
“You’re lying. I see those tears. If you didn’t love me you wouldn’t be crying.”
“Shut up. I’m crying because I know what this is going to do to our kids.”
“Nick, forget about the kids for a moment. This has nothing to do with them. This is about us. All I see is you making excuses.”
“I’m not making excuses. Our marriage isn’t working, and I don’t think it’s going to.” I looked at him. He looked pathetic with tears falling down his face. “Maybe we need to end our marriage.”
“No. Don’t you dare even say that to me! We can work this out.” I pleaded with him.
“How? All we do is scream and yell at each other. You’re so angry.”
“And you’re a prick. This isn’t over Nick.” I placed my lips on Nick’s. He moaned as our tongues danced together. His arms went around my waist and he pulled me closer. We both forgot what we were fighting about. I knew it had to stop. I broke up the make-out session. “Remember this is what you’re missing out on.”
I walked out of the room, grabbed my purse and left the condo. As soon as I was in the hallway, I broke down and collapsed on the floor.
