Today my kids were coming home from Disney. I pulled myself out of bed and saw the mess. I quickly ran downstairs and got some trash bags. I barely remembered destroying Nick’s possessions. I was so angry when I got the divorce papers. I had never been this mad at Nick in the entire time I knew him. After four days, I was calmer, but still angry. I knew I had to get it together for my kids. They were the most important things in my life.

After I cleaned up my bedroom, I got in the shower. The hot water felt good on my tight muscles. I could have stayed there all day.  I got of the shower and dried off. Then I quickly got dressed and went downstairs.

“Ashton, you feeling any better?” Ann was making French toast. She was glad to see her daughter out of bed. The few days had been torture. She hated watching her daughter suffer and know she couldn’t change the outcome.

“I’m feeling less angry, but it hurts. I’ve got to be strong for Rachel and Jackson. They’re going to need me.” I poured myself a glass of milk and sat down.

“Mommy, mommy we’re home!” Rachel screamed through the house. A minute later Jackson and Rachel ran into the kitchen.

“I’ve missed you both so much.” I gave each of them a hug. “How was Disney?”

“I met Cinderella and Belle. We got Mickey Mouse’s autograph”

“It was fun. Did dad move back in yet?” Jackson asked impatiently.

“No, your dad hasn’t moved back home yet sweetie. Why don’t you and Rachel take your suitcases upstairs? Mommy needs to talk to Kevin.” Jackson gave me another hug and ushered his sister out of the kitchen.

“Kevin, how were the kids?”

“They were great. Rachel never stops. She has Nick’s energy and sings all the time.” I smiled at that comment. Rachel had his personality. “Mom told me about the divorce.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this. If I could take the pain away, I would.”

“Thanks Kevy. I don’t know whether to fight him on this or just sign the papers and be done.” I put my head down on the table.

“What is going to be the best in the long run? If you fight, you may end up hating Nick. If you handle it civilly, you and Nick can remain friends. Think about what kind of relationship you want to have when the divorce is final. Do you want your kids to see you as the nasty woman their dad hates or would you rather be the woman their dad is friends with?” Why did Kevin always know the right things to say?

“You’re right Kevin. I want to have a good relationship with Nick after this stupid divorce is over. I’d much rather it didn’t exist, but I can’t change that now. Nick made a choice, and I guess I have to live with it.”

-----------------------------

“Nick, how do you want to tell the kids about the divorce?” I was cleaning dining room since the kids were in bed.

“I think we should do it together. My thoughts keep going back to telling Jackson I was moving out. He took it so hard. ”

“Yeah about that Nick. He asked me today if you moved back in.” I wiped the table off.

“I know he’s going to be upset. I don’t want him to hate me. He’s going to blame me for everything. I just picture him in college hating his dad for divorcing his mother. He’ll blame me for all of his failed relationships.”

“Nick, stop it. Jackson will be mad at you, but he’ll never stop loving you. Yes, he might blame you, but it is this was your choice.” I had to be honest with Nick.

“Here we go again. Everything is my fault. You have done nothing wrong. Ashton Jeannette Richardson Carter is the world’s perfect woman. Let’s all bow down to her.”  He remarked sarcastically.

“Nick, that’s not true. I am not perfect. I make plenty of mistakes. I was just stating how a seven year old might perceive the situation. I’m trying to stay calm and make this situation as easy as possible for my children. It seems like every time we take two steps forward, we take about seven steps back. I’m tired of fighting, but you like to egg it on.”

“That is not true. I don’t want to fight. You’re the one who wrecked our bedroom because you were angry. You keep saying things to make me mad.” I could tell he was pacing. He always did that when he was upset.

“Well, I’m sorry I overacted about my marriage being over. You totally surprised me with it. You didn’t have the decency to tell me it was going to happen. Let’s stop. It’s late, and I’m tired. Come over around noon and we’ll talk to the kids. Just to let you know, I think my biggest mistake in life was getting involved with you.” I hung up the phone.

Nick was in shock. He couldn’t believe she hung up on him. When did Ashton become feisty and fiery? It was kind of hot. What was he thinking? He couldn’t be having those thought about his soon to be ex-wife. Why was his life falling apart? Why did he feel more confused about the whole situation? He needed a cold shower.