I parked the car in the garage and then unpacked the groceries. I had spent the entire morning running errands and buying groceries. It was the first day I had all to myself.  Quickly, I put the groceries away. Then I started the laundry and cleaned the downstairs. A few hours later, the house was spotless. I decided to relax and read a book. I sat on the loveseat in my bedroom and attempted to read. The house was silent without the house. I couldn’t take it. My mind was full of turmoil. Thoughts of Nick consumed me. I thought I was going crazy thinking about everything that had happened recently. I had enough of my thoughts; I had to do something. I grabbed my cell phone and sat on the bed.

“Hello, Nick. Can we talk?” I whispered into the phone.

“Sure, Ashton. What’s going on?”

“Not much. Just missing the kids.”

“I know how you feel. I can’t believe Kevin took them.”

“Maybe he was right, Nick. We need to work on us, even if it is only to get through this divorce amicably.” Not that I wanted the divorce to happen at all. If it did happen, I wanted a healthy relationship with Nick. It would make things easier, especially on the kids.

“I don’t hate you, Ashton. I do care about you. Do you want to get together and talk?”

“That would be great Nick. Let’s me at the beach in an hour.”

“See ya in an hour.”

------------------------------------

I saw him sitting on the sand, staring at the beach. He had a smile on his face. My heart ached, knowing I hadn’t seen that smile in such a long time. “Hey.” I sat down next to him.

“Hey.” Nick smiled at me.

“When did it all go wrong?” My fingers raked the sand. I looked down because I didn’t want to look his eyes. Those eyes spoke the truth, even when his words were telling me something different.

“Ashton, I don’t want to hurt you, but I’m going to be honest with you from now on. About a year ago, I noticed that life was nothing special anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my kids and would never change that part of my life. My career was going good and I was in a comfortable state of mind with it. I didn’t know what the problem could be. You were busy with your new teaching job. You were as busy as I was. You had the kids and work. We barely had any time with each other. I figured once you got settled in your job things would go back to the way they were. It didn’t change, and eventually I just got used to living that way. It was like we were roommates instead of husband and wife.”

“Why didn’t you come to me about it?” I glanced at him and put my head back down. His honesty was surprising to me. I didn’t know our problems went back that far.

“How would it have looked if I asked you to give up everything for me? I couldn’t do that to you. You never asked me to give up anything. I loved you and supported you in everything you needed to do. I was trying to be the best husband I could be.” 

“I understand that Nick, but that can’t be all of it. Even though things changed, you continued to make love to me. You can’t deny things were good in the bedroom. So, even though I changed in your eyes, you had no problems having sex with me.” Tears silently fell down my cheeks.

“For me, that was the only part of our relationship that seemed normal. It was the only time we spent together alone. I missed going out on dates with you. I missed sitting by the pool just talking and laughing. I missed us.” He brushed a tear off my face. That little touch felt so good. He lifted my chin and placed a kiss on my forehead.

“If you would have told me, I would have changed. Why were you afraid to talk to me? You never had a problem talking to me before.”

“I was a coward. I thought it would solve itself. I was wrong. After a year of that, the love just faded. I wasn’t in love anymore.” He ran his fingers through his hair. God, he was hot when he did that. I missed him and his touch. I wanted to be in his arms again. I want him to make love to me.

“I get it Nick. I’m not happy about it, but it makes a little more sense to me. Do you think you could ever have feelings for me again?” I was asking God for a miracle.

Nick thought about it for a minute. How could he answer without breaking her heart further? “Ashton, I care about you. I always will, but my heart isn’t in it. I’m ready to move on with my life. I’m ready to start dating.”

“What?” I started breathing faster. He wanted to date other women. He crushed my heart again.

“I know you it’s hard to think of me dating, but I’ve been lonely for the last year. We need to move on. I need a fresh start. I think someday you will be ready to move on, too.” I shook my head. At that point I knew I didn’t stand a chance of getting my husband back.