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Author's Chapter Notes:
Really sorry for the long wait for an update, I got caught up with writing Games and then found it hard getting back into this. But hopefully the chapters will come easier now that I'm writing it again!

Chapter 14 - I Quit

“Kev, where’s your head at dude?” AJ asked as Kevin seemed to be just gazing into space. The band had got together to talk about song choices and normally Kevin was the major driving force of the band, but not today. Today, Kevin’s thoughts were elsewhere.

“Sorry, I’m just not in the mood” Kevin replied with a shrug. The truth was simple; Kevin was seriously wondering why he’d agreed to do another album. He didn’t want to do this anymore. He felt as if he’d gone as far as he could with the band and that they were past their sell by date. That’s not to say he thought the music they made was crap, on the contrary, he’d always been proud of the music they made and proud to be a Backstreet Boy. But when radio and TV were refusing to play their music anymore, maybe it was time to call it quits and move on.

“Come on man, if we want to get this album made, we have to put the time in” Nick remarked. This was new territory to him, he’d not got this far with the band last time as they’d split up after the Never Gone tour. Maybe their destiny - although changed - was travelling a similar path. Maybe this really was it for the band.

“Well excuse me for not sharing your optimism” Kevin huffed “why are we even bothering?”

“Because we love making music…because the fans still love us…because we’re not done yet, no matter what MTV says” Nick replied angrily. How could Kevin be ready to throw in the towel after all they’d talked about after his stint in rehab? What about all those late night talks they’d shared? Was it all just bullshit? Had he been saying those things just to placate Nick? Nick ran his hands through his hair in exasperation. This was not what he’d been expecting today…or any other day for that matter. He wasn’t about to let the band fall apart without a fight.

“I’m not sure it’s a good enough reason for me anymore” Kevin replied, a little gentler, as if he’d only just realised how much bad feeling he’d caused his band mates.

“You don’t mean that Kevin?” Howie, always the optimist of the group asked.

“I’m sorry guys, but the way I’m feeling at the moment, I don’t think today is a good idea to go over song choices” Kevin told them “and I’m not sure I’ll feel any different tomorrow”

Kevin agonised over his decision all week. Should he make one more album just to keep everyone happy? Or should he follow his heart and go his own way? He weighed up the pros and cons and then called a meeting with the boys.

~*~

“I know this is not what you wanted to hear, but I have to be honest with you guys…you’re all like brothers to me and it wouldn’t be fair to string you along any more. I’ve decided that I’m not coming back to make the album. I’ve had enough of the music industry” he explained as calmly as he could, his eyes looking from one end of the table to the other, gauging their reactions.

Obviously the rest of the band was devastated, but they had to respect his decision. If he’d become that disillusioned with the music industry, if being in the band was making him unhappy, then they had to let him go.

“But…” Nick began, sounding like a lost little boy.

“No buts Nicky, I’ve thought long and hard about this and my mind is made up” Kevin asserted.

Sitting in his chair, fighting back the tears was AJ. Whenever he’d needed advice, he’d turned to Kevin for it. When he’d hit rock bottom a few years back, Kevin had been there for him. Kevin was like a father to him, his own father having deserted him and his mom when he was only tiny. How could Kevin just up and leave? “Why?” he asked in a choked up voice.

“Alex…this isn’t about any of you guys. You know I love you guys like brothers. But I can’t do this anymore” Kevin sighed. This was harder than he’d imagined it would be, but it had to be done. He didn’t want to string anyone along by prolonging the inevitable. He was done with being a Backstreet Boy.

They talked for a long time, reminiscing about the past; laughing over some of the crazy antics they’d got up to whilst on the road. It was hard for any of them to believe that this could be the end.

“I want you guys to carry on. Don’t feel like it has to be over just because I’m not going to be there anymore” Kevin told them.

“The door will always be open if you ever change your mind” Howie told him, placing his hand on Kevin’s shoulder in a reassuring way.

“Thanks” Kevin smiled.

“Yeah, if things don’t work out for you, you can always come back” AJ agreed.

“So much faith in me!” Kevin teased. He didn’t really have a plan, he was going to take some acting lessons and see where that took him. It was his dream to become an actor in a big budget Hollywood film, but if that didn’t happen, he would be more than happy to carry on performing on stage when the opportunity arose. But whatever happened, he knew he was doing the right thing.

“So what are we going to do about the album?” Nick asked. He’d been all geared up ready for this new album. He couldn’t wait to get in the studio and create an amazing album with these guys who were like family to him. Now the future of the band was in jeopardy.

“I think we’re gonna have to do some thinking about that” Brian replied. Brian knew his cousin had been contemplating his future, but was just as shocked as the rest of the guys when he’d announced he was leaving. He was sure he could persuade him to stay, but that wasn’t to be.

“Well you know what? Give me a fucking call when you’re ready!” Nick shot back at him and flew out of his chair and out of the room before the rest of them could see the tears which were threatening to spill.

“I should go after him” Kevin said, but made no move to get up. What good would it do to go after him? He didn’t have the answers which Nick wanted to hear. No, he would probably only get his hopes up and then smash them again.

~*~

“After all we’ve been through during the years, how could he just quit?” Nick said to himself as he angrily started up his car. He didn’t want to go home, he was too angry and upset to be alone, so he drove somewhere more welcoming…one of his old haunts. The bar to be precise.

For a split second, he contemplated whether having a drink was the right thing to do, but then tossed reason to one side and ordered a double Jack and coke. “Fuck reason” he said to himself as he downed it in one.