Chapter Four-Hundred-Twenty-Three
“Do you think Laila is okay?” Lindsey asked Howie after coming downstairs from putting Ryan to bed and she found the beautiful Latino sitting on the couch relaxing with the television on. She went over and sat next to him and he gave her a warm smile before offering her some of his blanket. She accepted and scooted closer to him so that he wouldn’t have to strain to stay warm.
“I know she is,” Howie reassured gently. “She is in really great hands. AJ wouldn’t let anything happen to her.”
“Do you think she misses me?” Lindsey asked doubtfully and she looked at the man that she has oddly enough grown close to since the evening they had their subtly romantic night alone. After having a real conversation without a single fight interrupting it and after eating an amazing dinner together they had settled themselves on the couch for the evening and watched a movie and before she knew it she had fallen asleep in his arms. All she remembers of it is feeling very comfortable, very safe, and very warm for the very first time since Rick had passed away. And when she woke up, she felt awful for having such feelings – like she were betraying Rick and she avoided him the whole morning if she could help it. She came home from work having every intention of ignoring him then as well, but he had pizza made and waiting for her on the table and he and Ryan were playing Life. Ryan insisted she plays too, and before she knew it she was drawn to the man again as if some invisible force was pulling her to him.
“Of course she does,” Howie insisted. “Everytime she gets to talk to you on the phone or chat with you on AJ’s webcam her entire face lights up. Alex said to me earlier today that she was even asking for you last night before bed. That she pointed to her special blanket while sitting in his lap and asked ‘where’s mommy?’” The smile on Lindsey’s face upon hearing this warmed Howie’s heart.
“You aren’t just telling me that to cheer me up are you?” she asked softly.
“I wouldn’t lie to you,” Howie reassured and he reached over and took her hand into his own, lacing their fingers together. “I will always be honest with you.”
“There is always a time and a place for little white lies though,” Lindsey told him softly and she looked up at him. “Sometimes you are a little too honest with me and it makes you seem like a jerk. If you hadn’t shown me you can be sweet…”
“I’m sorry,” Howie insisted softly and Lindsey looked up at him to see utmost regret in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to be such a jerk before, I really didn’t. You just need to really understand that I care…very much. I fell in love with these kids while they were under my care and it just sometimes frustrated me to no end having to watch them suffer. I wanted very much for Ryan to be happy again and for Laila to know who her mother is and I took it out on you and pressured you…I’m sorry.” He gently placed his forefinger and thumb to her chin and tilted it up so that she was looking into his sincere eyes. “And as much as I understood that you are grieving it angered me to know that you felt like life wasn’t worth living anymore when you have two amazing children who love you and need you. I couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t want to try everything you could to get back to them when I think the world of them and can’t even imagine my life without them.” Lindsey opened her mouth to respond and Howie gently placed his finger to her lips silencing her. He’s not finished. “And I just really wanted you to see what I see…”
“What do you see Howie?” Lindsey asked softly, really wanting to know.
“I see a beautiful woman, who is on the verge of giving up on life when she still has so much to offer in this world,” Howie answered and his fingers danced lightly across her cheek in a delicate caress. “A beautiful woman who wants so badly to believe that there is no life after her husband…”
“You can’t blame me for that Howie, I loved him…so much,” Lindsey insisted and he noticed tears clouding up and glistening her captivating eyes.
“I know I can’t you’re right about that. And I know you do…I can see it – anybody can see it. But you’re wrong Lindsey…there is life without Rick and he would want you to know that. You still have so much to live for – your kids being the main thing. Rick is gone, but they’re still here and they love you and they need you. Wouldn’t he want you to be here for them? Especially now more then ever since he can’t?” Lindsey nodded quietly, the tears that were building up in her eyes spilling out over her cheeks and he wiped them away. “You’re a strong and amazing woman who still has a lot to offer in this world. You have your kids, your new job at the library, me…AJ, and the rest of the gang. They love you too, you know. I have a feeling he would’ve wanted you to live and to smile and be happy…and carry on with whatever dreams you may have. If not for yourself, then for him.”
“I just don’t know how I can ever let him go,” Lindsey insisted. “How am I supposed to let go of so many happy memories like they don’t matter anymore?”
“Don’t,” Howie answered simply. “No one is asking you to do that honey. He was a very important part of your life…he was your husband, and no one can take that away from you. It’s okay to love him, its okay to miss him, its okay to keep those memories tucked away safely in your heart. It’s okay. But live while you are doing it.” Lindsey scooted closer to Howie then and slid her arms around him before resting her head against his chest comfortably. She suddenly yearns to be held. She just really misses being held…
“Hold me Howie, please” She sniffled, the vulnerability just dripping off the edge of her voice and he enveloped her protectively in his arms and bent his head down to kiss the top of her head softly. After a long while of holding her he felt her shivering despite the blanket covering them and despite her snuggling into him as he wears a hoodie.
“Here, let me up for a minute sweetie and I will get the fireplace going,” he told her gently and she sat up allowing him to get up. He went over to the fireplace and started a fire in it leaving the screen open slightly in attempt to make the room warmed up faster and he went off and fetched a heavier blanket before returning and sitting next to her again. He lay sideways with his head rested against a pillow placed on the armrest and covered himself up with the blanket before holding it up as an invitation. She took it and turned sideways too before lying down next to him on the outside of the couch. She slid her arms around his waist and nestled her head comfortably against his shoulder as he wrapped her in his arms in return.
“Better?” he asked softly and he turned his head slightly so their foreheads were touching and they were gazing into each other’s eyes.
“Yes thank-you,” She answered and she felt his fingers in her hair as he delicately played with her curls.
“It’s so odd that it would be this cold in Florida…at nearly the end of February,” She murmured quietly.
“The weather is all messed up right now,” Howie pointed out. “We haven’t seen the sun in…well…almost a month.”
“What do you suppose that means?” Lindsey asked softly.
“The weatherman is predicting a huge storm…I expect it should happen any day now too. The winds are getting worse.”
“Maybe AJ should keep Laila in Jersey until it passes…” Lindsey insisted worriedly.
“They have to come back. We only sent enough clothes and essential 2 year old needs to last them till tomorrow evening and Detective Stabler is not going to want to stay up there any longer when his target is hiding out here in Florida.” Lindsey opened her mouth to respond, and Howie foreseeing what she is going to say continued on before she could. “And that means Ashley, Kori, and Scott would have to go with him and AJ is not going to stay there when his sisters are here.”
“What if this storm is really bad though, Howie? It can’t be a good thing if the winds are picking up here in Florida.”
“We’ll just have to take shelter in the safest place I know…the Orphanage. It’ll be fine…I promise.” Lindsey rested her head against Howie’s chest and silently worried about the two main disasters that could possibly strike in Florida. Tornadoes, Hurricanes…this storm has been sitting here and brewing for more then half a month. She has an aching feeling that everything is not going to be fine.
“Does this Orphanage have a basement?” She whispered after a long moment, her face still buried in his chest.
“Mhm. One of the safest…well, usually…it is now, that our security has officially moved in there and taken over.”
“What do you mean?” Lindsey wanted to know. “When wasn’t it safe?”
“One of our former employees – who I must add was caught red handed and thrown into prison for this…was caught molesting Dakota in it,” Howie explained softly, a lump forming in his throat as he does. This situation still gets to him everytime he talks about it. “That’s the only time it’s ever not been safe. But once security moved into the orphanage for good, they went down there and stuck all of their cameras in it and made it impossible for anything to go on down there without their knowledge.” Lindsey was silent for a long moment, and then looked up at him to see that he seems to be somewhere else at the moment and there is utmost pain in his eyes. She cupped his cheek in her hand instantly getting his attention again.
“Are you okay?” She asked worriedly.
“Sorry…it’s just never easy talking about that. As you’ve already learned not too long ago…Dakota has always been like a niece to me.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up painful memories.”
“Its okay, its not your fault. You needed to know.” She gazed up at him in silence for a couple of moments, and then he spoke up again. “We’ll move in there first thing tomorrow if it will make you feel safer. You are off work for a couple of days and everything so it would be perfect.”
“Kay, Id like that. I want to get to know your friends and family a little more anyway…and spend sometime with you and Ryan. I feel like I am always working now and you are always stuck with my kid.” Howie chuckled softly.
“Yeah, but I would choose to be stuck with Ryan a thousand times over again any day – I love him, and there isn’t a better way to spend my days.” “And it completes my perfect day whenever I get the chance to end it by spending my evenings with you,” he added and Lindsey smiled up at him some while feeling her heart flutter inside her chest at his incredibly sweet words.
“Is that right?”
“Mhm, it is very right. But there is something that I’ve been dying to do with you for awhile now…but I’ve been waiting for the right opportune moment.”
“And what is that?” she asked quietly, her heart now pounding instead as she became very nervous at his words. They can mean anything.
“Is it the right moment?”
“It depends on what you want to do.” Howie stared at her in silence for a couple of moments, and then leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers so she would have no choice but to look into his eyes and he gave her the cutest smile he could possibly muster.
“Will you do the honor of dancing with me this evening Lindsey Sawyer?” he whispered. Lindsey stared at him in utter surprise for a long moment as she took the time to process his question. Obviously she had not expected him to ask her that.
“…Dance with you?” she asked slowly.
“Mhm,” Howie answered still smiling. “Right here in the middle of this living room.”
“What for?”
“Just because we can,” Howie shrugged, and with that he was up off the couch with her and standing in the middle of the living room where he set her down onto her feet.
“But there isn’t any music,” Lindsey insisted amusedly and Howie shrugged once more. He slid his arm around her waist and took hold of her hand lacing their fingers together. He pulled her closer.
“I can make my own music,” he reminded, and with that he was dancing with her and singing softly to her the first song that came to his mind.
“I'd walk halfway around the world
For just one kiss from you
Far beyond the call of love
The sun, the stars, the moon
As long as your love's there to lead me
I won't lose my way, believe me
Even through the darkest night you know…”
He twirled around with her, leading her through dance and even went as far as dipping her, purposely making her laugh just so he could hear it. When he brought her back up she rested her head against his shoulder and the two of them continued with their dance, him singing the entire song Anywhere For You to her, neither of them noticing the thrilled little boy watching them from upstairs behind the railing.
~*~*~*~*~
“McLean, what are you doing in my kitchen?” Kori demanded when she trudged down the stairs upon smelling the delicious food. The aroma had gone from her hardcore kitchen all the way up to her nose and she decided she would investigate.
“For me to know and you to find out,” AJ insisted. Kori arched her eyebrow at him and he smiled at her sweetly.
“Sit please. It will be done soon.” She stared at him for a long moment, and then deciding that she will trust him for the first time in her life, she went over and sat in the booth across from Ashley, who notices she had changed into her pajama pants but left Scott’s old hoodie on. Kori opened her mouth to say something to her, when suddenly the door to her diner opened and Nick walked in with two kids in his arms and a trail of them behind him.
“J!” Laila squealed gratefully upon seeing her AJ standing in the kitchen. He looked at her and noticed her little cheeks caked with tears and her eyes bloodshot red – yup, she’d been throwing her I want J tantrum. Nick set her down onto the ground then and she made a mad dash toward the kitchen.
“I had to keep promising her that I was bringing her straight to you, otherwise she would’ve kept up her shrieking the whole way here,” Nick informed as he watched his bandmate gather the small child into his arms and cuddle with her automatically.
“Hi honey,” AJ greeted her and he kissed her cheek affectionately as she clung to him. “I love you and I’ve missed you, but you know better then to be throwing these tantrums of yours – J has talked to you about this before hasn’t he?” he lectured her while rubbing her back gently. Laila whimpered and hiccuped while nestling into him more and she popped her thumb into her mouth. AJ shook his head and hugged her closer while he continued to prepare dinner but he made a mental note inside his head to have another talk with her later.
“What are you making that smells so good Aje?” Nick questioned curiously while walking over to Ashley with Bella and handing her over. He is not surprised in the least bit however, to see his bandmate cooking. He is used to it and has even been lucky to have tried some of his food before.
“Don’t even bother – Kori and I have both tried to get him to tell us and he’s not budging,” Ashley replied while wrapping an arm around Dakota and kissing her forehead softly as the four year old had crawled up into the booth next to her. Nick cast a look toward his friend then and AJ only stared at him indignantly.
“That’s right Carter. You can wait and find out with the rest.” Nick shook his head amusedly upon hearing this – he can tell AJ is having way too much fun in this diner for his own good. However, he didn’t respond to him, he only turned his attention on the kids.
“As soon as you two have eaten your dinner,” he began, instantly getting Dakota and Sarah’s attention as they know by you two he means them. “You are going to take Laila upstairs with you and settle down for the evening in your pajamas and I will put a movie in for you.”
“Buts daddy—“
“—Ashley and I will be up there a little later, no worries” Nick interrupted, foreseeing his daughter’s protests before she even made them. He looked at Sarah then. “You two are to keep an eye on Laila and make sure she stays happy the whole time – we would like it a lot if she went to sleep though, so please don’t rile her up. Got it?”
“Got it,” Sarah answered dutifully.
“Thank-you.”
“Daddy can we haves popcorn during our movie?” Nick eyed her for a long moment, and then nodded.
“I guess so…popcorn and juice. We’ll bring it up to you after we’ve seen that you two are settled down and stuff.”
“I want to watch Beauty and The Beast,” Dakota announced and she looked at Sarah as if daring her to argue with her.
“If you two behave, I might let you watch two movies” Nick replied, deciding he would settle this argument before it even starts. He does not want anything to take AJ and Ashley’s attention away from Kori tonight. Sarah shot Dakota a triumphant look and suddenly AJ came out with two plates of fettuccini noodles with spaghetti sauce on top of it two breadsticks on the side and he placed them in front of Sarah and Dakota. Everybody looked at it curiously, and Ashley and Kori gave him impressed looks.
“Wow Alex…” was all Ashley could say and Kori just gaped at him. AJ smirked.
“I thought the spaghetti sauce looked kid friendly so I went with that” he replied. “Stay put you three – I’m making your plates next,” he added and then headed back into the kitchen with Laila walking at his side holding on tightly to his pantleg as she did and Dakota and Sarah curiously tried the pasta they’ve never had before, before instantly digging right in.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Here's the next chapter
Enjoy =)
Enjoy =)
