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hapter 28

"No need for Nick to come back to the club right now. Not until after the wedding so he has more time to heal." Brian said as Amanda sat on the couch next to him.

"I think that is a very good idea. I mean, he hasn't made any effort towards his music since the accident...he hasn't written anything or worked in the studio." she replied. Nick was a stranger to her these days and she was afraid something was really wrong. He never shut her out before. She could see him getting depressed.

"Amanda there is not much you can do, but just support him and make him feel loved...make him feel like he's part of things." Brian suggested.

"Okay. This is why I haven't told him about JC taking over his gig...he would be so hurt if he knew about it." Amanda said. She hated lying to her fiancé...but the way Nick was, it was for the best.


"Amanda?" Nick's timid voice came from behind her as she watched television in the living room.

"Yes, baby?" she said as she sat up to make a space for him. She was hoping this was it, he would tell her what was wrong with him.

"I have been doing good at physical therapy...when can I come back to the club?" he asked, looking at her expectantly.

"Nick, I really think you should wait...you need to rest some more. I don't want you to push yourself." Amanda explained, thinking of what Brian said.

"But Amanda..."

"No. I am only looking out for your health...it is not fair for the fans if you aren't feeling 100 percent better on stage." she said. Nick pouted and looked disappointed when he walked away. He began to gain weight after that night. Nick felt ugly...he hated himself. Whenever he looked in the mirror at his bloated reflection he got upset and began eating more. Amanda noticed the drastic change in his body when his face looked fuller and so did his stomach. He didn't look like Nick anymore to her.

"Nick....please talk to me. You keep shutting me out." she said finally one morning after she had found more fast food containers in the garbage. She didn't like his food choices and noticed he had been drinking more as well. It all scared her, and Amanda was at the point now where she wasn't sure if she still wanted to marry him.

"Baby I'm fine." he lied. Amanda looked into his eyes...they were dark and empty....full of despair. They did not have the twinkle that Nick usually had.

"What happened to you?" she whispered, stepping away as her eyes water.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"You're not my Nick anymore."

"Of course I am..."

"No you're not. You've changed....you're not the Nick Carter I fell in love with....he would never give up." Amanda said tearfully.

"I didn't give-"

"Yes you have.....look at yourself. Either you go back to the way you were or I will leave you. Nick....you have shut everybody out...you don't work on your music...I don't know you anymore." Amanda said sternly. Nick looked down at his feet...his stomach was chubby. He felt ugly again. Amanda didn't want him.

"You don't love me anymore?" he asked in such an innocent way he sounded like a lost child. Amanda felt her heart break with his.

"Of course I love you sweetheart. I want what's best for your health. Your need to take care of yourself." she replied. Nick left her and went for a walk...his hands stuffed in his pockets as he walked the beach.

"She doesn't want you anymore...you're ugly."

"Shut up." Nick protested. He wanted to be normal again...wanted his old life back but the only way to do this was to sing again. He began to work out and stop eating so much...hoping this would be enough to stop feeling miserable. He was ashamed to tell anyone that he felt this way, afraid they would pity him and make him take more time off.


"I just don't know what to do, AJ. He won't listen to me...." Amanda sighed as she watched Nick sitting on the porch from the kitchen window.

"Make him see he isn't ready." AJ suggested. Amanda didn't like the idea of this...Nick had been so emotionally unstable since he the accident, she was afraid anything would trigger a whirlwind of events.

"What do you mean?"

"Give him a rehearsal....a trial. Have someone else give their opinion. Then Nick will understand he is not ready to perform." AJ told her.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Jay."

"He won't listen to anybody...he keeps beating himself up over all of this performing stuff. Just show him he's not ready." he repeated. Amanda thought for a few moments and decided that AJ was right, Nick wasn't listening.

"Okay I will do it....but you are going to come and watch. I am also giving you full credit for this idea." she said. That night after dinner, she walked up to Nick and told him he had a rehearsal coming up the next day.

"Really?" he asked, his eyes twinkling with excitement.

"Yes sweetie. Call the band and get them together. You're on at 2." Amanda said with a smile. Nick kissed her on the cheek and hugged her.

"You won't regret this. Thank you baby." he said happily, running off to make phone calls. As she watched him limp away...Amanda couldn't help but hope he was right.