And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not movin' anywhere
-U2 'Beautiful Day'
I woke up early the next morning. It was the first time in a long time I didn't want to just roll over and go back to sleep.
The last day. Today was the last day of the break.
Okay, not really. I guess we weren't actually going to be back on tour until Friday... but today AJ was out of transitional care. Tomorrow we started rehearsals again (and it was Howie's birthday, so I could spend all day today working on a way to prank him) which meant everything was going to go back to normal.
The last day! I couldn't even go back to sleep if I wanted to. I jumped out of bed and rushed downstairs.
No one else was awake. I guess Kevin was going to spend his last day sleeping in. But not me! All I had to do was get through one more day of boring hell and then I'd be back to performing and doing what I do best.
It seemed like a lifetime ago that we were packing up the tour and heading home. Or since we were on TRL explaining to Carson Fucking Daly what had happened.
But now? Now I was wide awake and ready to wait for the day to be over. The last day!
I woke up that morning feeling refreshed. Imagine that, I wasn't the one who'd gone through rehab hell. I wasn't the one who had spent the past couple of weeks in a transitional care facility. But I was the one waking up as though the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.
I turned to look at Kris and actually hugged my pillow as I watched her sleep. She looked so peaceful, like an angel. Just laying there with her wavy blonde hair falling around her face, her mouth slightly open.
I wished I could stay like this forever. Which was odd, because the reason I felt so refreshed and worry-free that morning was because it was the last day of the break.
Not the last day of being at home. And not the last day of Nick staying in my home. But the last day of being left to our own devices before rehearsals started again. Before the five of us were reunited as a group and before we were back to normal.
I didn't even know what normal was anymore, but I knew it wasn't this. It could never be this.
“I can feel you watching me you know,” Kris muttered.
It didn't startle me. I knew she'd wake up eventually. She always did when I woke up and didn't leave the bed. Probably because I shuffled around too much and not because she could feel my eyes on her.
I smiled and kissed her forehead. “Oh really?”
“Yes,” she grinned, her eyes still droopy with sleep. But that didn't stop her from pulling me in closer to her. “I could feel your big green eyes burning into my soul.”
I snorted. “You need to stop reading romance novels.”
“Oh really?” she whispered, kissing me softly.
Okay, maybe not.
“Kevin!” the bedroom door swung open and I was greeted with Nick's high-pitched voice.
I cursed my past self for not getting a lock on the door. Then again I'd never considered the possibility of Nick living with me and being a complete cock-block.
I leaned my head down and sighed, and Kris just laughed. “What?” I asked.
If he heard the annoyance in my voice, he completely ignored it. Why the hell was he in such a good mood? It wasn't even nine yet! Shouldn't he still be asleep for another three hours at least?
“Wake up!” he said, inviting himself into my room and opening the curtains. “It's a beautiful day. A beautiful perfect last day of the break!”
Ah. Of course. When everyone else in the world is content, Nick is manically happy. There's no even-keel with that guy.
Kris gave me a smile and got up, pulling a robe over herself as she walked out of the room. “I'll put some coffee on,” she said.
I glared at Nick. “You're a little shit,” I said, throwing a pillow at him.
He blocked it with his side and laughed, sticking his tougne out when he was done. “If I'm not gettin' any, you're not gettin' any.”
I wanted to hate him, but having him in my house really wasn't so bad. Especially considering the alternative. After all, happy (though irritating) Nick was better than drunken crying Nick.
And hopefully we'd see more of the former since (as he'd so gleefully pointed out) today was the last day of the break.
I forgot what it was like to be on tour with Brian and without Leighanne.
But as soon as she jumped on the foot of my bed at nine in the morning, I remembered. Where did this guy get his energy from? And why was I his target for release?
I knew the answer to that, because Leighanne wasn't anywhere around and he made up for that by reverting back to his old self. The one who constantly jumped around the tour bus and got into mischief with Nick.
It was a good thing Nick wasn't here too. They'd probably have cooked up some kind of horrible prank that was waiting for me. But Brian wouldn't do that on his own. He needed Nick the instigator to encourage him.
So instead he was just sitting cross-legged on the foot of my bed, grinning like a fool.
“Morning, Howie!” he exclaimed.
“Mmm,” I muttered, trying to savour a couple more precious moments of shut-eye as I rolled over and clung to my pillow.
“Breakfast?” he asked, ignoring my obvious need for sleep.
“No,” I replied, even though I knew I'd end up going out for breakfast with him. “Sleep.”
“Oh come on,” he laughed. “You don't need sleep.”
“It's out last day to sleep in,” I reminded him, since he didn't seem to remember.
“It's also our last day to go out for breakfast without commitments. Just you and me and mimosas.”
“Are you trying to seduce me?” I asked, still hugging my pillow and keeping my eyes shut.
“Ha! No,” he laughed, hopping off the bed.
That right there is the difference between him and Nick. Because Nick would have responded to that by crawling on top of me and creepily whispering in my ear. In fact, I would have known better than to make that joke in Nick's presence.
“Let's just go eat, come on,” he said, pulling at my arm. This guy is like a five year old, I swear to god. Especially when his wife isn't around to soak up all of his attention.
“Fine,” I mumbled, groggilly sitting up. I glanced over at the clock. 9:17.
At this time tomorrow we'd be back at it. It was weird to think about. Too weird – so maybe Brian was onto something with those mimosas.
“Just let me have a shower and get dressed,” I said, stretching as I got out of bed.
He nodded eagerly and wandered off, obviously happy with that answer.
I knew it wouldn't be hard to get Howie out to breakfast. That guy likes his sleep, but he's also easily convinced to go out.
Which was how we ended up sitting at a fancy French cafe he'd decided on.
I didn't really care where we went to eat, I just knew I wanted to get out of the house and act normal for a day. For the last day before everything went back to...
Well, I hoped it wouldn't go back to normal. Because normal meant AJ drinking and flaking out of performances. Normal apparently meant Nick drinking and while he'd never flaked out of a performance, I was sure he was well on his way.
But maybe without AJ the instigator around, Nick would change his tune. Maybe he'd finally shape up.
Maybe our new normal would be us actually being a functional group, instead of just playing one on TV.
“What do you think it'll be like?” I asked Howie out of the blue. At that moment I was glad that I was out with him and no one else. Because he was the only one who'd give me an honest answer. Obviously I'd never be able to talk to Nick about this and Kevin... well he was either too optimistic or too worrysome. There was no in-between with that guy.
“What?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and taking a sip of his second mimosa.
What? They were on two for one!
“You know what,” I said, lowering my voice a little. Not that anyone was listening to us. “Tour.”
He shrugged. “More of the same, I guess.”
“Really?”
“Well, hopefully not more of the same with AJ. Maybe more of the same of the good parts. More good parts, less worry. Like we can actually enjoy it again.”
I wondered if that was putting too much pressure on AJ. He couldn't be to blame for all of our issues, could he? He wasn't the reason that we dreaded spending another year on the road or that all of five of us had our individual issues with each other.
How could he be responsible for our collective burnout?
I took another sip of my mimosa and contemplated ordering another one, but I didn't.
I studied Howie, but I kept the same easy smile on my face the whole time. Maybe I was the only one feeling the burnout. Which obviously meant that it wasn't collective. And even more obviously meant it wasn't AJ's fault.
I supposed I'd find out tomorrow once all five of us were back together.
