I couldn't help the fact that I was absolutely distracted in front of the crowd that night. I kept scouring the crowd for her. Had she picked up the pass I left for her? I know I hadn't seen her backstage before the show & I couldn't see her anywhere in the first few rows of the crowd. Maybe she'd decided not to come. I couldn't say that I blamed her. Sure, she still loved me, she had made that crystal clear, but she hadn't forgiven me for what I'd done. And she was right, she was a married woman now, as much as it hurt me to admit that. She said she did love him, but she wasn't happy. How could anyone want to live like that?

We all piled into the vans and headed back to the hotel from the venue. I was exhausted - physically & emotionally. This was going to be a lot harder than I thought it was going to be to win her back. I pulled my phone out of my pocket seeing that I had a new message.

Carter, I'm really sorry I didn't show. I can't do that to him. I'm sorry. Hope the rest of your tour goes great & maybe I'll see you around.

Fuck. Now what the hell was I supposed to do. How do I respond to that? Or do I respond to it at all? I sighed & slipped my phone back in my pocket. I guess I had sighed a little louder than I thought. "Everything ok, Nick?" AJ asked me. I just shook my head.

"Far from it."

"What's eating ya?" I rolled my eyes. Yeah, like AJ is the one to go to for advice. Excuse me while I laugh.

"She's fucking married."

"Uh, yeah, I think we established that fact when it was plastered all over every damn entertainment news station a few weeks ago." I wanted to seriously punch him. I did not need his sarcastic ass comments right now.

"It shouldn't of been him. If she's fucking married to anyone it should be me."

He started laughing. "Oh alright, Mr. I'm-Never-Getting-Married." Okay, so I had been openly honest with the fact that I never thought I would get married, but now thinking about it I could totally see myself & Laney married with a couple kids. Too little too late, I suppose.

"Maybe I changed my mind."

"Little late for that, don't you think?"

"It's never too late. She could get a divorce. She told me herself she still loves me."

"I'm sure she still does. You were together for five years, Nick. One mistake isn't going to completely make those feelings go away, but just because she still loves you doesn't mean she's going to just break some other guys heart & come running back to you."

"Well, why the fuck not?" I pouted - pathetic I know, but I couldn't help it.

AJ sighed. "Laney is not that type of person & you know that. "

I really couldn't argue with that. She had a heart bigger than the state of Texas. Maybe I was just going to have to suck it up and be happy for her. Maybe we could still be friends? Or is that too much to ask? I sighed again & turned my attention to the window, watching as we pulled up to the hotel. Of course it was too much to ask. She had moved on. AJ was right, I couldn't just expect her to drop everything & come back to me. That only happened in the movies, right?

I got out of the van, grabbed my duffel bag & made my way into the hotel. I felt horrible for totally blowing off the dozen or so fans waiting outside for a picture or autograph, but I was not in the mood to fake a smile & pose for pictures. I just wanted to hit the hotel bar & drown my sorrows. Maybe I could just drink away the hurt I was feeling right now. Just maybe. I went up to my room, grabbed a quick shower, got dressed & opened the door to head back downstairs to the bar. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Laney standing there holding what looked like an envelope in her hands. "Laney, uh, what are you doing here? Come in..."

She shook her head. "I, um, I can't. I just came by to tell you that we're leaving tonight," she said quietly. "I also wanted to give you this." She handed me the envelope. "It's a song. I wrote it a couple of weeks after I left our...I mean, your house. I never sent it. I just kinda always kept it with me incase the time came to give it to you. I think that time is now. It was good to see you again, Carter. I really mean that. Maybe we'll get lucky & our paths will cross again." She stepped over the threshold just long enough to give me a quick hug & then pulled away. "Goodbye." With that she took off down the hallway.

It sounded so final. I'm not going to lie, I was scared shitless to open that envelope. Now going to the bar didn't sound like such a great idea. I shut the door to my hotel room & walked over to the couch & took a seat. I looked at the envelope. In her perfect handwriting she had written "Carter" on the front. I don't know why she always called me by my last name, but it had been something she started doing from day one & I liked it. I took a deep breath & carefully tore it open.

Carter,
It's been 4 weeks since my heart was shattered into a million pieces. Four weeks since my entire world came crashing down. Four weeks since I thought I could never be happy again. I am supposed to be writing material for the next album & I won't lie you've given me an immense amount of inspiration. This song that I'm including is just something I thought you should read. I hope this can bring us the closure we need. I've moved on, I hope that one day you can too. I just want you to know that I'm okay & I forgive you. A part of me will always love you.
~Laney

Little Miss down on love
Little Miss I give up
Little Miss I'll get tough, don't you worry about me anymore
Little Miss checkered dress
Little Miss one big mess
Little Miss I'll take less when I always give so much more
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
It'll be alright again
It'll be alright again, I'm okay
It'll be alright again, I'm okay (I'm okay)
It'll be alright again, I'm okay
Little Miss do your best
Little Miss never rest
Little Miss be my guest, I'll make more anytime that it runs out
Little Miss you'll go far
Little Miss hide your scars
Little Miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
It'll be alright again
It'll be alright again, I'm okay
It'll be alright again, I'm okay (I'm okay)
It'll be alright again, I'm okay
Hold On
Hold On, you are loved
Are loved.......
Little Miss brand new start
Little Miss do your part
Little Miss big ‘ole heart beats wide open and she's ready now for love
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
It'll be alright again
It'll be alright again, I'm okay
It'll be alright again, I'm okay (I'm okay, it'll be alright again)
I'm okay (It'll be alright again)

I carefully folded the paper back up & put it back in the envelope. I wiped away the tears that I hadn't even realized had started to fall down my cheeks. She didn't need me anymore. Maybe it was time I put the past behind me & realized that she had moved on. She had forgiven me & more importantly she was okay. Only problem now was that I wasn't. I was far from okay.