~ 35 ~

 For Every Action, a Consequence

Date: June 1st, 1999

 Place: Matt’s Place

 + Nick +

I was bundled under the covers of Matt’s bed. It felt warm and cozy and made me realize I haven’t felt comfort like this in a long time. I swear, after we get out of here, I’ll never take anything like a bed for granted ever again. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and sleep but I was afraid to. I wish I could explain how odd it is to feel like you might be dying. Ever since we got off the boat, I’ve been having trouble breathing. I decided it was best to keep that to myself. The guys all feel so helpless to being with; complaining will do nothing to help the situation.

I took a nice deep breath and sat up; feeling a wave of dizziness hit me as I did. Just sitting up feels about the same as dancing on stage all night long, how is that right? Little things like that make me realize that I’m running out of time. Who would have thought I could die before I even reached 21? How is that fair exactly?

When I’m all alone I try to fight the tears from coming. I’m scared to death about everything. Scared that we’ll never get out of here, or that we’ll get caught, but most of all I’m afraid of dying. I wish I could be brave about it. I mean, in front of the guys I put on a pretty brave face but I’m scared, really really scared.

I shivered slightly when my feet touched the cold floor of Matt’s apartment. I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders and decided to venture out and join everyone else. It would help me get my mind off of things.

A sound I hadn’t heard in a long time hit me as I opened the bedroom door, laughter. It actually sounded like there was a party going on.

“Hey there sleepy head!” I looked over at Brian as he sat on the floor with his arms stretched behind him, just as he always did when we were in our hotel room or bus, about to play a video game. For a second I thought maybe I had dreamed all of this. Maybe we really were in our hotel in New York.

I need to stop doing that to myself.

“You are looking a lot better, isn’t he looking better Brian?”

They both seemed so happy I couldn’t help but smile. I wasn’t about to tell them how I actually felt, so I changed the subject, “Are Kevin and Howie back?”

“Nah, not yet, but I’m sure they’ll be getting back soon.”

I made my way on the floor next to Brian. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Down in the basement working on our escape out of this hell hole. Shouldn’t be too long now buddy, you’ll be feeling back to yourself in no time.” Brian reached over and scruffed the back of my neck gently. He then turned his attention to AJ, “What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get home Bone?”

AJ fidgeted a little on his chair, contemplating the answer, “Eat a nice juicy burger and have a chocolate shake.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” Even though I wasn’t the least bit hungry, the thought of a burger made me happy.

“What about you buddy?”

I shrugged. I didn’t mean to be the downer in this group but I wasn’t quite as optimistic as they were about getting out of there. It was hard to think there could be a happy ending to this situation when all I’ve seen so far is one drastic setback after another. For all we knew, Kevin and Howie could be dead. I don’t feel any better which means they didn’t manage to take care of that little problem either.

“Come on, I know you must be thinking about home?”

Brian’s eyes looked so expectant and eager, but most importantly, they looked kind of troubled, as if maybe he wasn’t really believing his own words but wanting to, more than anything else.

“I guess I’d go to a doctor.”

They both looked at each other and burst out laughing. I’m glad my pain brought them so much pleasure, but I couldn’t help it, I suddenly found myself laughing too. It felt good and I found I couldn’t stop myself. Talk about finding comedy in any situation, Jesus Christ.

My eyes were closed and I was literally slapping the floor with my hand when I noticed the other two had stopped laughing. When I opened my eyes the expression on AJ’s face was one I didn’t enjoy seeing. Clearly, the fear was back.

“What?” I started to ask only to be hushed by Brian as he pointed to the small screen that to this point, I thought was a television.

“We need to tell Matt.”

He stood up and helped me to my feet. “What’s going on?” I whispered as he cautiously moved into the kitchen to grab what looked like a walkie talkie.

“Matt!” He whispered as I looked at the screen that was also in the kitchen. “Matt, there are people at your door. It looks like they’re trying to get in.”

Finally I got it.

There were about four men standing at the door and looked like they were trying to pick the lock and make their way inside. This wasn’t a good thing and my lack of being able to breathe made things worse.

“Matt!” He said again this time a little louder and more urgently. “They aren’t answering.” Brian glanced over at AJ who had turned white as a sheet.

“What should we do?”

The four guys managed to open the front door. We heard it open and then close. “We need to hide!” Brian grabbed my arm and led me into the bedroom.

“What’s going on?” Matt’s voice was heard at the bottom of the stairs as he showed up on the screen.

“Why did you not answer your door?” one of the men asked in a very accusing tone.

“I was in the basement, working.”

“We need to talk; you are late with your plans.” The one who seemed to be in charge said as he pushed right past Matt and headed for the stairs.

That’s the last thing I saw before Brian dropped me to the floor and told me to hide under the bed. I crawled under there and tried my best to lay in a fetal position as both he and AJ headed for the closet across from me.

I could see only a small crack from where I was as the door opened while the men were in mid conversation.

“I told you I wouldn’t be done until the end of the week.”

“Plans have changed, we need it now.”

“Are you guys sure it’s what you want?”

All I saw was a set of boots turn to face Matt’s question. “It’s not for you to question our judgment.”

There was a short pause, “Okay, fine. I’ll get them to you by tomorrow.”

“We need those plans now! We are willing to wait here.”

“There’s no way I’ll have them done by today even if I worked straight through the night.”

“You will work straight through the night.”

“Yes, I will but that means you won’t get them until at least tomorrow night at the earliest.”

“My patience is waning…” I was afraid that we were going to bare witness to Matt being shot in the head. The pause that followed was that long and uncomfortable.

“Fine, I’ll let them know but they better be done by tomorrow night or you’ll find yourself in one of those detention centers until completed!”

I heard Matt sigh, “I’ll get it done, just like I always do.”

After a few more minutes there was a door closing and then Matt came into the bedroom, “You can come out now, its safe.”

The closet door opened and then Brian was there helping me get out from under the bed. I was too weak to crawl so he had to pull me out by my feet.

“Who were those people?” AJ asked as we all moved back into the kitchen and took a seat at the table, the jovial mood we were all in now just a memory.

“Not the nicest guys…”

“What are you doing for them?”

Matt looked over at me and I could instantly tell he wished I hadn’t asked the question. “Believe me kid, you don’t want to know.”

I believed him.

“The important thing is now we have to really work on getting you all the hell out of here by tomorrow. They weren’t kidding; they’ll be back by tomorrow night.”

“What if Kevin and the rest aren’t back by then?”

Matt shrugged, “I don’t know what to tell you. I need to get back to work. Time’s going by fast. If you see anything else…” He motioned to the cameras.

We all nodded at him.

After he was gone I turned to Brian and AJ, “How do we know we can trust him?”

“Charlie trusts him.”

“I know, but it sounded like he’s doing some pretty intense shit for those guys, I mean it did sound like that, right?”

AJ nodded. I was glad to see I wasn’t the only one doubting this plan.

“I wonder what he’s working on that’s so important.”

Brian ignored my question, “I hope Kevin and Howie are on their way here.”

“I hope so too.” And I really did.

“You okay, Nick?”

I found myself getting really tired and once again I was having some trouble breathing. I guess it was too hard to disguise it this time.

“I think I need some fresh air.” I said in a few deep breaths.

“Maybe we can step outside for a few minutes.” Brian smiled at me but I saw the look on his face. I probably wasn’t looking very good. “Let me go down and ask them if it’s okay if we go outside for a little while.” 

He glanced over at AJ and then smiled at me, “I’ll be right back.” once again, he scruffed the back of my neck and left.

AJ walked over to the window and looked outside, “This is such a weird place.” He said more to himself than to me.

“Do you think we’ll actually get out of here?”

“I have no fucking idea. Every time I think we’re close something else fucking happens…”

He rubbed his hands through his hair and kept his arms above his head for a minute, his posture speaking volumes of how frustrated he was. My vision was beginning to blur a little bit and I knew if I didn’t either get some fresh air or lie down soon I’d be passing out.

“Maybe we can go outside now and Brian can meet us. I really need…” I couldn’t finish my sentence, I was breathing too hard.

Quickly AJ was at my side, “What’s wrong? Why are you breathing like that?”

“Outside…”

He seemed conflicted about what to do but I guess in the end, he decided that it was best to get me the hell out of there and into the fresh cold air. He helped me out of the apartment and down the steps and guided me out the door and onto the cool stoop where I sat within moments to spare before blacking out.

It was a good call on my part, the cold, crispness of the air worked as the smallest of adrenaline rushes. It felt good. I think AJ was also happy for the change. He sat beside me and placed his hand on my shoulder, “It’s going to be okay Nick, we’re gonna get the hell out of this fucking place and back home before we know it!”

I closed my eyes for just a brief second, I swear to God that’s all it was. It’s funny all the things that can happen in the span of a few seconds.

“Thank the fucking Lord, see? I knew it!” I opened my eyes to see AJ walking away from me and towards Kevin, Howie, Don and Alan Epps who were coming down the block towards us.

“Thank God.” I repeated AJ’s words like a parrot and was about to close my eyes again when I heard my own voice.

“I’m sorry…” it said, “But they said as long as we are both here together, only one of us can live.”

He looked just like me, that’s because he was me. He apologized again, this time with tears in his eyes. I had no idea why he was so sorry until I saw the blood on his knife. That’s when I felt the pain. I have no idea when he stabbed me, it didn’t hurt at first but now…now it does.

He turned and ran away.

I was so focused on him I didn’t see the others running towards me. I felt them though. Their hands on me, I’m so cold. Maybe coming outside wasn’t the best idea. I wanted to turn to face them, I heard their concerned voices but I was too weak. I needed sleep.

It’s getting too hard to stay awake and focus…it’s getting too