Epilogue (a)

Grant us Peace

+ Nick +

I have never been as scared in my life as I was crawling on all fours in that little space for what felt like hours. It was dark, moldy, dirty and claustrophobic in there. Every time I put my hand down I shuddered to think what I was actually feeling beneath my palms. Kevin was behind me, at least I was pretty sure he was but I didn’t even have enough room to turn around to check. When I tried calling out his name, I was met with silence. I didn’t even hear my voice. It was the sensation you feel when you cover your ears and try to talk. All you hear is a small murmur. Maybe that was the price of leaving my world for this new one. I’d be deaf.

Something weird happens to you when you are ready to die but suddenly and unexpectedly given a second chance. I should have felt exhilarated but all I felt was anger. Maybe I was ready to die. Maybe I had made peace with my fate. I kind of did. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want to actually die, who does? But I came to terms with it. I was even looking forward to it in some way. To be able to see my family and friends that has already perished.

It was all yanked away from me when Kevin pulled me through this hole. Now I was forced to have to make do with whatever was waiting for me on the other side. I’d live my life as if I was someone I’m not. I’d have to pretend to be this other person. Sure we were the same in some ways, but not all ways. I guess I could tell people it was me. Go on about the different dimensions and other Nicks etc… but that would just make me sound crazy, so once we were out of this hole, I’d be dead anyway. The new me, being the kid I killed. Perhaps that’s my penance.

There was a cool breeze coming through as I continued my long crawl through the darkness. My feet were falling asleep and my knees were really hurting. What if this tunnel led us to nowhere? Obviously we were no longer in the museum which was clear about an hour of crawling or so went by and there was no light at the end of this tunnel. If Charlie and Matt were wrong, we would have quickly emerged in another part of the museum by now.

They weren’t wrong.

Even though I couldn’t see where I was, I knew that we were in a different place and time. It felt different, the air, my body, just everything in general. I tried calling out again, hoping that it would work this time but no such luck. The only positive this time around was I heard my own voice just a little bit better. Another good sign, the small hole started to get a little bigger. I tried standing up and fell back down to my knees because my legs were numb. I decided to lean against the wall and rest for a minute or two. Maybe Kevin would catch up with me by then. It was nice being able to stretch my legs for a bit. I rubbed at my sore back as well. My eyes were adjusted to the blackness of the area so I was able to see that it had turned from a small hole to a tunnel. It still wasn’t that big, more like something you see when you picture people mining for coal, but it was a hell of a lot better than before.

My mind went racing yet again to this second chance I was given. What do I do with it exactly? Do I try to become a better man? I don’t think I was that bad of a man to being with. I have always done the best I could under the circumstances I was given.  I made it into the Backstreet Boys despite not the best family life. I managed to survive even after seeing my brothers all die. I was proud of the person I had become; only to now be forced to become someone else.

I won’t do it.

They’ll just have to understand that as long as it’s me they are dealing with, the other Nick is dead. I can’t bring him back. I feel horrible for making him go away in the first place, but I still deserve to be me, not him.

I opened my mouth wide to try to get my ears to pop. It felt like I had spent hours on a plane and we were landing. I wish I had a piece of gum or something. It would help with the sensation I was feeling but also with the small pang of hunger my stomach was experiencing as well. 

With that thought, I forced myself to stand up and get moving once again. This time I was able to walk without falling, my feet finally feeling like themselves again.

“It’s about fucking time!”

I stopped when I heard my own voice loud and clear. I wasn’t deaf after all; another good thing to know.

“Hello?” I called out, this time hoping that one of the others would finally be able to hear me.

The breeze picked up a bit and the air felt nice and cool. I was sensing that the end of the tunnel was coming soon. Also there was the slightest bit of light coming from the bend.

“Hello?” I yelled once more.

“Nicky, is that you?”

I jumped at the sound of Howie’s voice as he slowly walked towards me, trying to adjust his own eyes to the darkness of where I was standing.

“Howie? Thank God. I was beginning to think I’d never see any of you again!”

He walked slowly towards me as I inched closer to him.

When he was right beside me, he put his hand to his mouth in disbelief before pulling me into a hug. “Thank God. I knew it. I was hoping it would work. That you’d come back to us!”

He was crying as he hugged me so tightly, I thought I was going to break in half. Then he pulled away and grabbed a hold of me as we started to walk towards more voices.

“It is him! I thought it was his voice!” D said just as Brian and AJ came into view.

The light was both beautiful and ominous, like a huge door you had to open and go through before you could leave the tunnel.

Brian pulled me close to him and I felt AJ’s hand on my shoulder. “It’s you! This is really a day of miracles.” They were all crying.

They thought I was their Nick. Didn’t they remember what happened before we left?

“Guys, it’s not…I mean it’s me, not the one I killed.”

Just like that, Brian let go and wiped at his tears. “Right, of course, I forgot that we…”

I felt horrible. I can’t describe what it feels like when someone is disappointed that you are alive. The knowledge that people secretly wish you could take the place of someone who had died. It’s not a great feeling but it’s one I’d be cursed to live with for the rest of my life.

“Have you seen Kevin?”

AJ asked, walking back towards the darkness.

“No, but I think he was right behind me. He should be showing up soon. What’s on the other side of that light?”

Brian, who was still trying to regain his composure at the thought of losing his best friend to me again, finally answered, “We don’t know. We wanted to wait until we all were together and then we’d find out at the same time.”

“This is kind of like those stories you hear about when someone describes what it looks like after you die complete with the tunnel and the bright light at the end.”

I nodded at AJ. It was the thought running through my mind as well. What if we were dead? What if going through that hole actually killed us? It’s not like it’s out of the realm of possibility or anything.

“Maybe we should backtrack and find Kevin.” Howie said getting closer to the darkness we had recently ascended from.

“No need, I’m right here,” his welcome voice came out of the dark and joined us in the light. All three boys rushed over to welcome him and I stood awkwardly behind. Another thing I’m sure I’d have to get used to, my new job as the third wheel.

He gave me a small smile and then quickly turned his attention to the bright light blocking our way to freedom. “None of you have gone through?”

“We were waiting for you.”

He walked up to it and we all followed. There was a heat radiating off of it. That and the sound of chimes as if we were on a porch on a windy day. Kevin placed his hand right up to the light and pushed it through. The ringing intensified to the point that I had to cover my ears.

He took a deep breath and stepped back for a second, “Well, what do you say guys?”

“Maybe we should throw something through first?”

AJ said as he bent down and grabbed a small rock. “I mean better safe than sorry, right?”

He threw it into the light. The humming intensified and the light brightened for just a second before going back to normal.

“Well, that didn’t prove much I guess.”

“Except that you still throw like a girl.” I said it before I had a chance to edit my thoughts. They all laughed but I felt bad because I wasn’t talking to this AJ. I didn’t even know this AJ. I was talking to mine and he was long dead.

“I say we all go through together on three.” Kevin grabbed his cousin’s hand and in turn we all did the same to one another, AJ reluctantly taking mine as we stood in a line facing this huge light.

“One…”

So many thoughts ran through my brain. What if we just ceased to exist once we went into this thing?

“Two…”

What if we ended up somewhere else?

“Three…”

What if they didn’t accept me?

We all walked forward and right through the sound of the chimes and the brightness. At one point it felt as if the light was going right through me. It felt incredible, like I was being reborn.

Maybe I was.

I opened my eyes when the sound of chimes suddenly stopped and found myself standing in a hallway. We all were still holding hands and dropped them quietly down to our sides.

“Where are we?”

“I don’t know, but it looks familiar.” Kevin said as he broke our line and started walking down the hall. “I’ve been here before.”

Once again we followed closely behind. It was very quiet, wherever we were. Not a sound was being made which seemed weird since the hallway kind of reminded me of something you’d find in a business.

As we rounded the corner, I realized it looked familiar to me too. It was a place I used to frequent often, before the attacks started and one final time, trying to escape, unsuccessfully.

“The airport.”

Brian said as we walked the baron waiting area. There was no one waiting for flights to leave because there were no flights to leave. This was my airport, not theirs.

“I don’t understand…where is everybody?”

Howie asked as they all continued to walk around, puzzled.

I did understand though, it all made perfect sense to me. I let out a sigh and once again felt a great sense of relief, because this time around I was going to get it right.

“We need to go outside.”

They all turned and looked at me, “What do you mean?”

How do I tell them? Should I tell them? It’s probably best for them not to know what’s going to happen next.

“I’m so sorry.”

Kevin walked towards me, “About what?”

This was it. The five of us, knowing we were being hunted trying to escape only to be found outside the airport. They are killed and I am carted off to prison until I am found by these guys. Same plot, different characters.

“I just am.”

Then the sirens came out of the distance, a ton of them, lights flashing as they raced towards us.

“What is happening, Nick?” Kevin asked but I think in his heart, he already knew.

They all did.

“We can try to make it back to the hole.” Howie said in desperation.

“To what? That world is probably long gone by now.”

Brian was standing quietly biting his lip and looking out the window and AJ was doing the same. Howie nodded at Kevin and they all went and stood together. “It’s done then…we tried everything.”

“Should we go out there?”

“No, let them come in to us.”

“I love you guys.” Kevin said just as the police busted through the door.

They dragged us to the car, and pulled out their guns. There was one news van there with cameras ready to record everything. They wanted to make sure that everyone witnessed what was going to happen. I wasn’t afraid this time, I was ready. Funny how things change when you once again realize you are going to die.

“Me first!” I insisted.

“You’re too young; we have other plans for you.”

“I don’t care. Me first!” I said with authority as I grabbed the gun out of one of their hands.

“Nick, NO!” I heard one of them scream but it didn’t matter, at long last there would be peace, if not in this world, then in the next.

I felt the bullet hit me and I dropped to the ground.

This was it, the end of my story.

The end of all of us.

I closed my eyes as I heard the other shots ring out. One at a time and then at long last, silence.