Chapter 10
(Sara)
For the next few months, Nick & I spent as much time with each other as we possibly could. It was difficult with him getting ready to head out on tour & me working on recording my first album. We were lucky if we saw each other one day a week. I'd been recording vigorously and had finally recorded several songs that I thought were great. Now came the hard part - narrowing it down to 10-12 songs for the actual record. I knew without a doubt that my duet with Nick would be on there. He'd also came in and collaborated with me on a couple of other songs, adding background vocals & such. I'd made an appointment with Rick that morning to go in & sit down with him to make the final decisions on which songs would make the cut. Today also happened to be Nick's last day in Nashville before leaving out on tour, so I had asked him if he'd come & help in the process. He was happy to oblige.
Nick & I had our first real argument a couple of months ago when I had told him that I wouldn't be joining him on tour. We had only been together for a few weeks & I really thought that we weren't going to make it past that day.
"Nick, I think I've made a decison." I told him as we sat at my table eating dinner that night. He looked up at me with a hopeful smile. "Oh yeah?" I nodded. I hated breaking his heart like this, but I just couldn't bring myself to risk what we had just to tour with him; as much as I was going to hate not seeing him for several months. "I don't think touring with you guys is the best decision for me right now." He took a deep breath & nodded. "Right, because spending time with me would just be a horrible decision." "Nick...please..." "No, Sara. I'm giving you an amazing opportunity & you're throwing that away." "I'm not throwing it away, Nick. I don't even have an album recorded yet. I don't want to be rushed. You're going to be so busy, we wouldn't get any private time together anyway. And I'll be here when you get home." He sighed deeply. "I just don't know about that, Sara. Sometimes I think you're using this as an out. I mean, are you really not happy with me?" I looked at him, no doubt confusion on my face. "You think I don't want to tour with you because I just don't want to be with you?" He nodded. "Well, you couldn't be more wrong. I don't want to tour with you because I'm scared that something will happen & screw things up for us. We just started dating, I don't think I'm ready to be thrown to the wolves yet, Nick." I told him, speaking of course, about his fans. I was really angry that he'd even assume I was trying to use this as a way to end things with him. "I told you, we'll keep it a secret, no one needs to know we're dating, Sara." I chuckled sarcastically. "You really think people wouldn't put two & two together when they saw us together constantly? Your fans aren't that stupid, Nick. Can you please just accept my decision? I have been so stressed out about telling you because I knew you were going to be upset. You know I'm not doing this to hurt you." He sighed. "I know. I just haven't felt this way about someone in a long time & I'm going to hate being away from you for that long." I smiled. "Who knows, maybe our paths will cross a few times." I winked. He smiled. "I think I'd like that...a lot." He got up and came around the table to me, leaning down to kiss me. "I'm sorry, I got upset. I'm just going to miss you." I stood up & put my arms around his neck. "And I'm going to miss you too. So much."
END FLASHBACK
***
"So Sara, this is going to be a really tough decision here, you've written & recorded some amazing stuff." Rick told me as we all sat around a round table in his office; each of us with a list of the songs I'd recorded in front of us.
"Yes, I'm really proud of all of these songs." I told him.
"Well, let's get to work..." Nick said.
We spent the next couple of hours picking 12 songs that we felt would be best for the album & also decided on what we felt the first single should be. It would be sent to radio next week. I was ecstatic!
***
(Nick)
I was happy for Sara. I really & truly was, but to say that I wasn't going to miss her while I was away touring would be a complete & total lie. Over the past several months I'd really grown to care about her immensely. In fact, even though I swore I didn't believe in it, I think I'd fallen in love. I hadn't told her that part yet, I didn't want to scare the girl away. I just really felt like we needed to see if we could make it through our first few months apart to see if we were really meant to be together.
Today we decided on the songs for her album & picked her first single. I was really honored that she valued my opinion so much & asked me to be a part of that. I think we put together a really amazing album & I only hoped that it did as great as I felt it should.
Now here I was sitting next to her driving back to her house so that she could get ready for the dinner I'd planned for us that night. I had to catch a flight out to LA in the morning & I planned to make this evening a special one for both of us.
"Thank you so much for going with me today, Nick." She told me. I quickly glanced over at her & smiled.
"No problem, babe. Anytime."
"I'm really going to miss you while you're gone."
"Sara, you're going to be so busy you won't have time to miss me."
"I'm sure I'll find the time to miss you, Nick." She told me. I couldn't help but smile. How had I become so lucky to have bumped into this girl, especially after the way my life had been going? Yeah, there was no thinking involved anymore, I was in love with this girl. I just had to make sure I didn't screw this one up.
***
Later that night, I came back by Sara's house & picked her up for dinner. I'd picked up a bouquet of daisies,her favorite flower, from a local florist while she was getting ready. We made our way to downtown Nashville & enjoyed an amazing candlelit dinner & were now walking around the city, holding hands. "Nick, thank you for tonight. It was amazing. Honestly, probably the best date I've ever had." We stopped walking & I turned to face her, smiling at her.
"I'm glad I could make tonight special for you, Sara. I hate that I have to leave you tomorrow."
"Nick, it's your job. It's not like we didn't know this day was coming when we first started dating." She smiled.
I nodded. "True, but I can still miss you, right?"
She smiled & leaned against me. "You better." I leaned down & kissed her deeply. She wrapped her arms around my neck & deepened the kiss. I pulled back & looked into her eyes. "What is it?"
"Uhm..nothing...it's just that I... I love you, Sara...." I told her. She opened her mouth to respond, but quickly closed it again. She manuevered her way out of my embrace & made her way over to a nearby bench & took a seat. I followed her. "Sara, what's wrong? Talk to me." I took a seat next to her.
"Nick, I care about you, a lot. I just... I can't say that yet, especially with you leaving tomorrow." She told me. I swear I felt like my heart was breaking. I looked away from her. I heard her sigh. "Nick, please. I don't want this amazing night to end this way."
I shook my head. "I guess, I better get you back home." I stood up & started walking back the way we came. I heard her get up & soon felt her grab my arm turning me to face her.
"Nick, stop it. I'm not letting this mess things up. So I can't say the 'L' word yet... so what? It doesn't mean that I'm not going to be sad not seeing you for months. I've only ever been with one other man & it ended with my heart broken. I don't want that to happen again." She said. I could see a tear escape her eye. I reached up & brushed it away with my thumb. "I'm scared, Nick. I'm feeling all of these things & I just really don't know what it all means yet."
I leaned down & kissed her gently. "Sara, the last thing I want is to hurt you." My voice was barely louder than a whisper. She nodded & kissed me again. "I don't want to rush you into anything. Let me take you home. If you want you can take me to the airport in the morning, or if you think it'll be too hard, that's okay too." She nodded. I took her hand & we headed back to the restaurant, where the car still was. I only hoped that my confession tonight hadn't scared her off. I hadn't meant to say it, but the time felt right. It wasn't like it was a lie. I do love her.
***
